Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Exploramental

Episode Date: April 1, 2019

Jessica Kirson, Rich Vos and Stavros Halkias join Bobby for chin experimentation discussions and more inappropriate things said in inappropriate voices! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude, on the riotcast network, riotcast.com. Hey, what's going on? You know what, dude, fans, this is, I know you want to go right to the video, but that's not going to happen. So I've asked you help before and I'm asking for it again. I've asked for it with GoFundMe, for people's medical bills and Christmas time for the children's hospital and the toy drives.

And you guys have always come through. You're the most generous fans I know. You're unbelievable. And I thank you for that. But I need you to help me once again. My sister, Lisa, has kidney disease. She's had it most of her life. Around 20 years ago, she got a kidney transplant and it saved

her life. But those organs only last for around 16 years. In 2016, that kidney started to fail. And she had to go back on dialysis four times a week. That's where they suck all her blood out, filter it and put it back in her body. It takes around three hours, three to four hours. They have to stick it. It's just, it's awful. She can't go anywhere because she has to be on dialysis. A flu could take her out. Her immune system is so low that she has to just survive.

And there's no way to live. And you can help. If you could go to leaseskinnney.com and just read about it. And then maybe click on the link and if you might be able to fill out the form and see if you could be a donor, that would be great. I know it's huge. Dude, you wanna give me a kidney?

Cause I like your podcast. No, I get it. If you don't wanna do it, I get it. I understand. But if you could, there's thousands of people that listen to this podcast, there's thousands of people on my social media, there's thousands of people that have seen me over the years and, and, and like my comedy. So maybe just one of you could do it. That would save my sister's life. So please, if you just even pass this on, if you push 15 seconds, I get it. I understand.

If you already saw this commercial I put in front of you, I'm not doing okay. You know, I get it. Move on, go to the show, enjoy yourself. But if you can, please again, leasescanneed.com. Go there, fill it out, see if you can be a donor or pass it on. I really appreciate you taking the time to listen to this and maybe one of you can help my sister live a healthy happy life. And that's it. Thanks. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet bird. This is gonna be a claustrophile. It's black-ass, it's no rules. Look at the mic-ass hole. I'm sure I've already said, should I regret it? Can I get a microphone?

No! What the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and eating, and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 of the topics, no directions. I love doing it.

Play both sides of the coin. That's how it all holds her. Does your mother part her? She wanted to do it. My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's a rubber kill, so you know what to podcast. My podcast is a rubber kill.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh- the god you'll be 60 and you won't want to do it and I'll be still here with a little young comics you don't know and some that you do rich for us we'll have a dumb hat hopefully he'll be bald but you never know but yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah baby baby baby Wawke WD welcome to the show. I got a pee. Wow, what's happening? Everybody, welcome to another episode

of YKWD. You know what, dude, the original fucking acronym. I'm drinking a number seven from the ju, what does it come? Ohpeoca. Jupeoca. It's a Chinese place, not a Jewish place. And it's a blueberry banana, peanut butter, protein mix with an iced coffee. I don't know where the iced coffee is. I believe it's gonna make its way over. Like he's getting straws.

Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Make sure they're not plastic. I don't wanna kill any fucking turtles in front of you. No, who a turtle Turtle man, am I the turtle man? Well, we both are we look like shellless turtles We mean me have a star was on the beach in Miami and they were they shut off the lights off in the hotel at around 730

So we didn't so we didn't make our way back to where to go. Yeah, we knew where to go Back to the ocean back to where to go. Yeah, we knew where to go. Back to the ocean. Back to the sea. That's where me and you will be. Stavvy, baby, it's been too long. I know. We had your counterpart on. I know, little Nicholas little fucking we're called a robot Nick. Oh, yes, 100%.

The man is void of emotion. My God. It's like talking to fucking every serial killer. Yes, it's it's shocking. He hasn't committed any kind of violent crimes. We don't know that. I think it's all in posting. He does it all on the internet. Yeah, I think he's maybe indirectly. I think I blocked him. I believe it. That looks good. What are you sipping on? Do you want something? Yeah, I can.

That's Straul fit right between you. Do you want one? Oh, no, I'm good. We can get you one. It's okay. Thank you. Come on, dude. We're not to come town, but we can get you one.

Let me get a little sip. Let me get a sip. Come on. No, I don't. Honestly, you fucked way more dirty motherfuckers than me. Why do you assume that? I know, because I know it, because we're close friends and I know your sexual history.

Okay, first of all, they're more dirty fuckers. Yes, they were. They were young ladies. I know there were some old ladies in the mix too. Wow, those are, yeah. Well. How? The elderly Jack, the Jack-Shack you went to by accident.

You know, that story, remember that one? Yeah, that was a tough one. Tell that story right now. I don't feel like telling that. She was just so much... Oh, she's like 70? Yeah. She was 70.

Hey! Great. And there is the other star of the show. See, I'm not the star of my show. You guys are the star of my show. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. Mike team is the star of the show. I want to get down to it. Thank you. Let's give it up for everybody. We got Mike 2.0 new Mike. We have old Mike mushy Mike. So we have

Gabs. We have Becky is grabbers and stuff. We got Chris over there on the couch, whose laugh will go through your fucking skull. There it is. Uh, we got the prodigal son has returned. I did. What's up, baby boy? I'm not much. I'm happy to be here. And Jessica K is here. The fucking hottest thing in economy. Oh, stop it. Come on, you know you are. You do. No, I really don't. But no, no, things are good. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, no, things are good. I I

I Who I Nice rub feels good, doesn't it? I love a nice rub. I'm affectionate. I am too. I really am. I'm very affectionate.

I just don't receive it much. I always give you huge. You do, Michael, get the fuck off. Sorry. Sorry. It's what I want. And No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Sorry, sorry. It's what I want. And then you know what you're like a shelter dog. Yeah.

I am a fucking adopted. I'm an adopted shelter dog. That just sits there and I do this and like wow. A little three year old comes I like that. We have to give him back. Why he bit Sarah. I, um, what'd you lose your contact? I told you to put the bookie.

No, I just have something in my eye. Yeah, but I buggy. I think it's a chip. A chip chip. Tell what's that? Like a chip potato chip. Yeah, that's right. I respect someone who gets that deep into the bag.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my, oh my God. My, my car is filled with bags of chips. You're in traffic, just pouring chips. I'm a liar. And I hide. So I'm always secret eating. Oh, I know all about that. The little secret, the little secret McNuggets order. Everything. Yeah. Yeah. How about secret pizza? Oh, yeah. That's a respect. That's the fear. My wife, no joke. my wife, no joke, could she could be an invest, a food investigator. Yes. I've no joke woken up the next day. How is the pizza or the chocolate chips? What? Hey, what are you talking about? She goes number one. I found a chocolate chip in the bathroom. I have made cookies for three weeks.

So I found a chip had a clip on. Number two, you know, if you're going to, if you're going to, if you're going to try, if you're going to try to have pizza, don't leave melted cheese inside of the oven. Okay. The toast. That's where you got green. And it's not even like she's counting the food or I just she will fucking CSI. She wants you to know that she is a CSI mother.

I have never not gotten caught. Really? She almost loves it. I'm telling you, I'm laughing hysterically because I have been talking about this for days. My wife every single to every morning she's on her hands and knees, not for the right reasons. Looking for fucking piece of crumbs of my dick.

You're fucking get a Hershey's and rub it on my medicine. Put a hot dog roll on it. I'm gonna get a roll of Tofefay and stick it in my ass. She's like, oh, I see you had Doritos lit. I'm like, are you, you're a fucking parent? You're a scientist. I can't, I can't take it. Makes me want to eat that. I was actually told my wife today, I go, you should thank me.

And she went, oh, for what now? I go, you're a great mom. She goes, oh, I am. I go, yeah. Yeah. Being married to me, I prepped you for being the best mom ever. Well, he just won through three. You're a giant baby.

I am. Yeah, she's, it's fucking phenomenal. The skill that she has with finding. Have you ever done this move, the roll up a slice of pizza so that it's more efficient and quicker to eat before somebody catches you? I don't know. You eat it like it's you shooting it through a nomadic tube, like it's male. to eat before somebody catches you. Ted, are you nuts? Yeah. I'm done.

You eat it like it's you shooting it through a pneumatic tube like it's male. You know what I mean? Old fashioned male just hope. I hope I've I've I've No, there's no chewing involved. I drank your throat's doing the work.

I drank it. I know. I drank a liter of water once so I can pee. So the sound of the pee would I started open a bag of chips and she wouldn't hear me opening the chips. So I took them in the bathroom and I was just being, because she wakes up and my mouth, she's like a fucking ghost.

I know. I'll be sitting there. I'll be sitting there. I'll be sitting here everything too. I'll be, I'll be literally chowing on chips. It's like, just as quiet, like letting the saliva wet the chip. I know, I know, it's like a chip siren. You could run into a woman.

And then, and then I'll show, and all of a sudden, right behind me, what are you doing? Yeah. She's just there. She's a fucking ninja. Yeah. A fucking ninja.

She's half, she's Cherokee, she's something. Oh, she's got a mirror. I swear she's, a hairless forearms. That's all the science I need to hear. I know that. Hairless forearms. She is Indian, American, not the other kind that gets deals. Not the other kind of Americans fall in love with.

Hey, I, um, sorry, what are you going to do? You know, some of you are right. I, um, yeah, it it's fucking it's crazy going home at night. Here's the problem. Yes, when I was a little starving rug rat. Mm-hmm. I didn't have money to buy fucking food related to your trauma on the way home to my house. Yeah, I can buy everything. I'm in one that I went home to I was gonna get hola bread. Yeah, to cook French toast French toast hola bread so good. The best for my wife on Mother's Day. Loving husband. God did I stop at three pizza places. Yeah. Because the first one wasn't good. The second one wasn't what I wanted. The third one I knew what I should was like I should have just went to the place. And I blamed the pizza

places. Yes. It was it was a my fault. Goldilocks slice of pizza. I blamed it. I blamed it pizza places. Yes. It was my fault. Goldilocks, it's a slice of pizza. I blamed it. Yeah. I blamed it on. I should have just went where I wanted to go. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

I fucking, ooh, do I love pizza. Yeah. It's the best food. It's the best. It's the best food. I love pizza. I love big zee-dee. I love Greek food.

Yes. Now we're talking. Oh my god. I just had a nice cumbab. Here's the problem with Greek food. Yeah. It's always mixed with healthy food. Yes, now we're talking. I just had a nice kabob. Here's the problem with food. Yeah, it's always mixed with healthy food. Mm-hmm. The Italian food is fucking straight up sauce, cheese, pasta. You guys are, we got a fighting chance at least. Yeah, you always get sick as you're done. Yeah, you always got a fat cheese. Not that real. You know, fat is not healthy. Let's, let's, let's start. You're basic nutrition. I was like, I'm tired of you know this healthy

shit. Just fed an onion rings all day. Well, you got onions and black olives. Sure. It was going to throw some to make garnishes. You're talking about garnishes to the food. Well, I mean, the I mean, a Thai food is straight up fuck you. You need fat. It is. And that's why it's the best. I think I think Japanese food for me. Mm-hmm. Ramen is my favorite food. Interesting. All time. I don't think there's enough heft to it. What? I need to I need to be biting some meat. You know, you have a double pork it. All right. Double pork. I'm not saying I'm not regular people. I'm not talking about

the ramen that regular people go in and get I'm talking the double noodle double pork. Did you know you can ask for more noodles in ramen? Yes, Kaitama What you just call me that's what it's called Kaitama. That's you know fat you are I've learned another language to order correctly I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna drop you. I thought I was deejing them, so I mean, I'd guide them up. That is how you order new rules. I know.

Mine, of course, is Korean bar. Korean food is my favorite. I love Korean. That's what we found love, of course. Honey pig. Honey pig. I need black. At the for you.

For you. Yeah. Yeah, you went in there. Oh, yeah. We would put down. I mean, we were. for you. You said it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you went in there. Oh, yeah. We would put down. I mean, we were he took me the slow. I come off. Where'd you guys go?

I come off stage and we're going to hang pig in elegant city. Was it Macubbies? I come off stage. I come off stage in Macubbies. And there's little chubby fox. You're standing there with a gay sweater. I'm just a silly sweater.

It was. It was great cardigan. I'm like a silly sweater. It was, yeah. And I'm like, I was a great cardigan in the hands end. I'm like, wasn't adorable little human being. Yeah. And I was like, who are you, little boy? And he was like, my name's StarVos. And I'm hungry. And I was like, well, I'm hungry too. And two little fatties.

Yep. He goes, I go, where do you want to go? He goes, I know a 24 hour Korean barbecue place. It's open to wow, really? Yeah. Well, we were there and you get sponsored every time I come on, we talk about honey pig for 15 minutes. This is why I love Korean barbecue though. There's so much accoutrements.

Yes. There's so much shit going on. The bon chan. Bons, look at you. Yeah, I know what in Korean do. Yeah. Yeah. That's a little Korean do. Yeah. Yeah. That's a little story.

They bring you out. Have you ever been to Korea? I have been to Korea. Wow. You did? Yeah, I feel dumb. When? Who's phone is that? I went to Korea.

Let me check. Maybe it's mine. I'm charging that shit off. You're fucking giving me a stroke. Dang. Is that me? I was waiting for it to go down. I walked up the stairs yesterday.

Here it is, weezy. I'm coming. Like I know, but he's a go to these stairs are brutal. He's a vertical. Fucking vision hoist us up the front. Be easier. Let's do a harness. Yeah, let's just have a police.

Yeah, just to get that automatic wheelchair chair. I'm sorry. What's the. She's not even joking is the word part. I'm sorry. If I could live in a one like one floor apartment, I would have one in a second. Me and Dodgers were looking at houses and one of the houses. No stairs. Yeah. They had five stairs with one of those on it. I said, this day's. There's no way if we buy this house, five stairs with what? Five stairs with the little seat. Oh, that with one of those on it. I said this days. There's no way. If we buy this out,

five stairs with what? Five stairs with the little seat. Oh, that seat's amazing. I would take it up one stair. I know this is it. I'm taking this up every time. I'm having a home. Good.

Big Zee-Dee, Gucci-Mot. I'm going to be saying. Every time you go down, you get another meal. Then you see it on the way up. For the ride. I'm going to take a plate for the ride, Don. Here's a problem I run into too, is that Don is a fucking crazy cook. Yeah, and I have a five year old in the fucker. I know. I have the same situation.

It's not easy. Don cooks. She gets all organic snacks. You'd love this fucking hippie. Um, how you doing? Yeah, I'm great. How are you? Keep going. She's doing so good. She's so vibrant. Um, organic snacks, all organic shit. No bullshit. Um, like, Poodie, uh, pirate, Poodie, uh, Poodie, Poodie Tangit. Pire booty, booty, booty, booty tang, dick. She gets organic things like. Fruit like.

I wish she did. Fucking start of her engine, like fucking that dying star and fucking that Thor had a restart. Yeah. What was it called? Mike. The forge. The, yeah.

Yeah. We had to whip that fucking raccoon around the fucking circle break that ice offer snatch maybe maybe a nice woman can get down there I don't know I have the joke where I feel like I'm just cleaning it that's right like a fish yeah little fish I called a pussy rumbo. I hear nothing. I feel you want to hear. Oh, she doesn't have any response. Oh, she does. I would assume other people. I'm a vibrator. Yeah. Her vibrator. Oh, I mean, I went into that dry yesterday. I went into that dry because I was looking for a iPhone plug and I just grabbed four Dicks. Just glass Dicks.

I'm like, are you freezing Dicks? Oh, yeah. Look at you have a X-Men power. They're frozen. It's like, it's a fourth male man we're on. It's like when you cut a tree and you see the rings each year, the less you've sexually satisfy her, the bigger the Dicks get.

Yeah. Well, she's the same thing. Yeah. Thank God. Yeah. She is not. She is not as she hasn't got. I haven't opened up the drug found like one with veins. Yeah. That's what I'm like. The one that comes with a shoulder strap. When I lived with I worked with the metal chain strap. The chain strap one is the best. I used to use that. It's double bag handles. It's very awkward. Have you seen the one with for the chin?

It's amazing. What? I used to wear it. You put the dick in. I was in. What? No, you have a strap and the dick comes off of your chin. It's amazing.

I would say when you look up, it's really, really, really. Do you look like the child's dealer in Willy Wonka? No, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Remember that little child's there? Remember his chin? Yeah. the child's dealer in Willy Wonka? No, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, remember that little child's there? Remember his chin? Yeah, the child's dealer, have the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Yeah. I say it again, I don't care. I'm gonna take five more times till I have fucking, till fucking Dick Wad brings up the child's dealer in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. He's bringing up fucking his collection of fists. Look at those fists. Wow. Yeah, I mean, there of fists. Look at those fists. Wow.

Yeah. I mean, there he is. Look at that. Imagine fucking seeing that guy. That's what that's what you just look like. That's much bigger than that. No, I didn't have a beard. I didn't have a beard.

A sideburn, something I can't see. Oh, yeah, he has a long sideburn. I'm just right there. And all you people complaining, there's the fucking thing. It's up, right? But no, the nose right here. The chin part. I know. I was I was I was reaching. I didn't know you. I didn't know you're going to see a side my fucking shitty, shitty bank bank. I really missed I mean, I literally pulled that out of a fucking air. I mean, I was and that is that is for that chin is pretty long. And J Leno would be the only. Yeah. Yeah.

Crazy. Yeah. Um, Mike, I love you. Lazy town. What is that? Well, the guy from lazy town. It's so hard to fucking, and it makes me so sick when I see I feel so bad because it's

me. I hate comics that are in shape. Mm hmm. I hate the way they move on stage. Yeah, they move. Great. You're right. You're always fucking. So anyway, that was true.

I was fucking you. Fucking. That makes good. They turn the rest a little and bend to the side. I know Ted Alexander. A lot of people do that. I really fuck and that's just pure jealousy. Right. If I was that thin, I would fucking lean on a cheek.

Yeah. That's right. Have you thought about, listen, do this all the time? It's not about health anymore. Bobby, your actouts are suffering. You know, you got to lose weight because of that. If you're nothing else, my actouts are not suffering. You know, you got to lose weight because of that. You're nothing else. My act out. It's a nuts. I my act out to very good. You don't have the same explosiveness like Jordan on the wizards. I had to learn to be a jump shooter. He couldn't

dunk anymore. You know, I have to just do it in place. Yeah. I can set shots. Can we bring in a reinforced stool for Bobby? I actually did have to get stretchy jeans because my fucking jeans was sticking to my upper thighs, my little sweaty thighs. I got a moment of sticking and I almost pull a hammy. I have stretchy jeans like a bounce. I love that. I'm gonna be a Lulu Lemons next. It's a- I got you know what I got? I got pajama jeans. Oh my God. Man's pajama jeans. You have pajama jeans?

No, what is that? They're fucking, they're sweatpants jeans. They look like jeans. Do they really look like jeans though? Bobba, look. Let me see. They look like jeans. Wow.

They're literally cotton. I'm all in. Dude, sounds great. I got to get Bobba. So, I got to get Bobba. I got to get Bobba. I got to get Bobba. I got to get Bobba. I got to get Bobba. I got to get Bobba. I got to get Bobba. jeans, they look like jeans. Do they really look like jeans though? Bob, look. Let me see. They look like jeans.

Wow. They're literally cotton. I'm all in. Dude, I got to get my money. So cool. My money isn't that company. But here's the problem. You got to get them tailored because you look at it.

Any it down. Look at the bottom. See how the bottom? Yeah, they're, yeah, they need work. You got to go down to the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, get your, your ankles fixed. Straighten them out. You put them on. Look at how they're so comfortable.

Nobody knows. Nobody knows you. Yeah. No, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but. Like, oh, great. Another fat guy to chop the bottoms off his fucking sweatpants off of. I was a Taylor. This is an art form, you know? I love that they just airbrushed lines in the sweatpants. That's like, you're going to take Cito T-shirt and say, you're at a formal event. It's like the same thing. Well, they have ones that come with rips.

They have a suit you can buy. It's called the Suzie. Okay. This is, wait, and it's in the pajamas. It looks like you're wearing a suit you can buy it's called the Suzy Okay, this is wait and it's pajamas. It looks like you're wearing a suit and it's a one Z Suzy made out of a drama material or sweatpants material. So yeah, there it is Yeah, that's a Suzy. I'm getting up. I want a Suzy right now. I don't blame you that looks comfortable It's fucking phenomenal. I'm buying a Suzy. I'm gonna review it the next time I'm on. I'm gonna start wearing one Z's, then I'll get a deal.

Get a Suzie. Look at that. That's a Suzie. That you can't even tell. Can you go to a video of a Suzie? You can totally, you can win a towel. No, he doesn't. That looks like a Suzie fucking moron. How do you know?

You even own a button down, shut that button. Show the video down there the bottom one. Right there. Look at this. Bob knows which video. I looked at all the Suzie promotional material. That's a Suzie. Zip it. Okay.

Suzie. All right. There you go. One Z back on. Big it. Oh, you're done. No more belt. No more worrying about if it's the shirts coming out. Does that guy book bananas? That's hard to pee in though. He's calling Mark. Yeah, that's true. It's not hard to be a not a

PN. Yeah, not a fucking nine foot log like me. foot log like me. I'm having a problem with my pee. I know. Because I have to lose weight because there's so much extra pee at the end now. Like I don't know like I used to just fuck Blab blab blab Dasha now it's The stream is lit Six breaks That's because you're fat I don't like the way you said it That's because you're a fat fuck.

We got her in that house. That's what I heard. Listen, we're in the same community. We don't have to, you know what I mean? I don't know what it is. We can be honest with each other. Look, a lot of times when I pee, I don't want to pee at somebody's house

because a lot of times I pee, there's like pee on the ground. Yeah. Fly. Huh? This sounds like I took my dick out of it right on the ground. This really is thing.

This really feels like a horror bug. Absolutely of a cock issue than a obesity. Well, I've, you know, how it's turned went through this. He's the talk about it. He was never fed. He was chubby at work. Really? Really? Not. Yeah. But I think it's not like this. Yeah. Yeah. But he, well, I have a nice piece, but it's just not what it was. Sure. But that happens. That's when you get out of our serious general wear and tear, Bobby. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't, first of all, I don't want you talking about general wear and tear. I'll take it from my fucking my contemporary.

Okay. Who wears one on a chin? We replaced them every six months. Yeah. Yeah. Stirr looks great now, though. I mean, he really got it on the control. Look how thin he is. He looks like Valerie Burton-Elli. I think he's good. Yeah, is it really, I mean, does that happen?

Yeah. I mean, things happen when you get all dirt seriously. I still come like a rocket. If I'm, if it's to guys. If it's to guys To Jim teacher looking guy in the woods at a truck stop logo Then he just bits to come up like this Like he hates it like your deck

Yeah, like I do this why do this again? Like he hates it like your dick Hate come Very specific scenario Bob Yeah, you just described this video where man stops into a seven-elevated Dorito secretly so his wife doesn't see him and then the clerk sucks him off Relic I wish I could just go to a truck stop Nothing stopping you I added is my son. That's it. That's it. I understand all it is Let me tell you that I would be explore a mental is that a word? I Explorer mental is that a word? Yeah, I think I would I would be a

Explorer man I always want to be with a woman like yourself What with the penis? I don't want that. I want like a fight and you know, I don't want the dream gay guy. I don't want Mike Wants. I want. I want. You want the good looking kind of average.

That's what I want right there. I want a guy that won't tell. I want to fight. I want to escape in business. It's too important to him. Yeah. I don't want a guy that blows to important to him. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to get that blow guys out the open.

Yeah. Yeah. I want I want I want a guy who's a siding business. That's a liar. You want a liar. Yeah. I would be I would. Fuck that looks like.

Oh nice little cock at the end there. Yeah, that guy's deep in your head for a while. Looks like a brajole. I'm hungry again. I don't want that dry. That's after. What have I done? My beard smells like calm.

Fuck of I done I gotta go wash my beard again. Oh There's me that's exactly it right there just Some guy with a fat elbow Nobody go nobody says you want to suck anything. There's just a dick out Conversation we're to get coffee. Yeah. I am. No, if my wife was not, if I didn't have a kid, a kid, I would me and my wife have to

have a talk. I'd be like, look, I think why is the kid stopping you? Because I, because I was fucked up sexually. I was fucked up really bad sexually. And I learned about sex from the wrong people at the wrong time. My parents, nobody taught me about sex. So it fucked me for life. You don't have to bring max to the truck stop.

You understand that, right? You doesn't have to. I understand what you're saying. It's not that. So I really am trying. So there's no porn in my house out of magazines. I try to, the computers are all clear. Like if I walk going the road, I delete everything. I only jerk off on the road. I try not to masturbate in the house. Wow. Yeah, I just don't

like the shed one time. It was late at night. Oh, I felt like a creep. It's very different. I'm showing a light on it. Just sitting on a dark shed. But then my eyes fucking adjusted to the dark. Like you just see the neighbor's house. This is weird. I'm a shed rapist. He only rapes people who comes into his shed. I'm for it. You know what I'm saying though? I know exactly what you're saying. It's very different when shed for a night. I'm for it.

You know what I'm saying though? I know exactly what you're saying. It's very different when you have a kid. It is. You feel like, I feel like, like, buy a, buy new shirts by the way. Buy, buy back. Chris and Becky, new shirts. They made these amazing.

I love them. The Buddha, this is the Buddha. That's the YKWD and that he's got the we, we are the dudes. I would like, I would like one, which one? I think the classic YKWD, it's a classic, yeah. Yeah, it's a weird thing having a kid. It's, it's like, I can't, I used to trick off in the shower all the time, I can't.

Yeah. Because he, I did, there's something where it's like, you know, I know it's not a big deal. He doesn't know, but I just want to, I just don't want it to raddle on him. I just want him to have a shot. Right. And when we, and I want him to teach about sex, right? Like, like, uh, wow. Like, you know, we have to teach him that you can't just walk out and start fucking playing his ding ding like a guitar. Even know what I mean? Even though hilarious. It is a good bit.

I would do that. Yeah. And he started young now, my God. Play with it. Just all of it. The sex stuff is, I know I sound like I'm 90, but they really do. Well, he hasn't got into it yet. He kissed a girl.

Nice. I think I think he, I think he like girls. I tried to do something and he was like that's not that's not what boys do daddy So yeah, but if if you want to be in so the Boston Roots are strong I whisper into the air and I Don't be yourself. Yeah, I was hide who you are. Yeah, I was worth power. No power. Okay. No bottom. No chocolate.

Um, how old are you kids? I have a 12 year old and a 3 1 1 2 1 2 and I think they're both straight. Oh, sorry. Sorry to hear that. Are you great? No. Yeah. Why? Well, I mean, I because it's a hard

life. I've lived it. It's not easy. Let me ask you question. It's easier now, but it's still not. Why is it hard now, though? I don't like nobody gives a fuck. You know, they do. That's actually very, that's not true. But now you must be talking about like the middle of this country. Yes. But I'm saying, meaning like not, well, not just that. Like we live on, we live on Long Island, and there's a lot of conservative people there. And it's, you know, for Daniel and I to walk in the mall holding hands, what that would not happen.

That don't do that. I love you. I don't want you to get ill. Fuck it. No, I just don't want to see it. We get away with it a little more because we're both feminine looking. I talk about it on stage, but it's really true. Like if we were both really butchy and she's very attractive, it just helps. Right.

Because people, you know, guys kind of, it's definitely harder for me now when it comes to that. But I mean, in the last 20 years, right? We, I mean, it's gay on TV used to be like the kiss. Oh my God, they, and we were like, whoa, now, you know, it's much better. Every show I see, it's, uh, they, they, there's gay people in every show. Even on younger shows, they have gay people, like on Nickelodeon type things. Yeah. And nobody gives a fuck. Like it's not a thing. So I think the generation, our generation, my generation, my kid, you know, he had gay people at his birthday party and transgendered Bailey Jen. I mean, he knows everybody. But I think, I

think I mean, I had Bailey show him her car. So we knew, hey, that's not a, that's a transgender, which would be, she's hot, but I want you to be full. Right. Right. So you got a big addicted netting. I mean, you see what's still going on that there's people who are very judgmental and evil. But the vice president thinks that like being gay. No, it's beyond just. Yeah, he thinks that we need to go like at our brains. Reeducation is insane. Where are these camps? Yeah. Do they really know the division? I'm going to go. Is there a summer camp for kids? Yeah. Well, I can go get a lot of pussy, actually, if I go to one of those camps. That's all it is. Yeah. That's all. That's like, but I'm very lucky. I have accepting family. But

it's not to say that no one cares. It's not true. It blows me away that I have a huge Irish Catholic family. I mean, eight, five uncles, two aunts, my mother, and they all have kids. And we had with us, no gay people in our family yet. Yeah, that's awesome. Like there's no, wow, I mean, you're an absolute, I'm an ideal. Present company, excuse me. Yeah. Yeah. I've done way gays you than any gay guy. These guys are hugging and kissing. But also, there's in any gig guy. Yeah. These guys are hugging and kissing. But also there's definitely gay people in your family. I know, but I have, but there's not, not out. Well, there's none, but they're not out there.

There is in mind, there's a bunch. Yeah, a bushel or a bug. Yeah. They're all guys too. They're all, they're all my nephews gay. He's 15. I mean, he's out. Like it's crazy. Just a member of Bill Drew's joke about the gay accent.

Like when you come from, oh, I, I, I, I, I, I, some, I remember it. I don't know. What did he say? I think I, I don't want to put you in. But it's so fucking berm. Yeah. He can really just break something out. He is. He is.

And the red neck accent. It's like, they're, they're just no, no matter where you go red, next and gay guys talk exactly the same memory. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Yeah. Yeah, I don't we care less if Max's gay, but because I know he would And all my friends wouldn't you know, his surrounding people wouldn't right where he like when I grew up I would have a problem. problem yeah because I grew up in Medford all the fucking I remember I remember one of the things that fucked me up in Fifth fourth fifth sixth grade somewhere in there that really fucked me in life

was The Scroop of kids call me a faggot. Yeah gay you queer fag. He gay. And I didn't know what the fuck was happening. Right, right, right. Like I didn't know, all I knew it was bad, and I had no friends. I remember I had nobody, and I was getting physically abused by that guy at that time.

So I was, I would come home to this loneliness. And then these kids at school would call me gay. He's gay or he's queer, you know, and I'd be like, I'm not, like school would call me gay. He's gay or he's queer. You know, and I'd be like, oh, I'm not. Like, I don't, you know. I mean, sure, I jerked off one of my friends. Right, right.

That's just what kids do. Yeah, they do. I've got absolutely. And I can't wait to fuck a walk in on that in the drum room. You guys playing, oh my God. You're playing oh my god That's that out That is not where the stick goes Max that is not what I find the seam The seam

And who is the street is taint? You can only use your tongues. One, two, three, go. I can't find it! Where is your tongue? Oh! Wow! The fucking voice just adds another level. Hey, my dad's coming. Get your dick out of my ass! You did good. You got a moderates. Wait, you first.

We're like a Reese's big mother. Ow. Ow. Oh. Oh. Yeah, not so bad. No, you're not bad. Oh, fuck. You come over to our house. I'll not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm hang out with tough kids. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So once I got accepted to tough kids, excuse me, Dickie and Scott, they were just fucking tough, little fucking fire, fire, barrel, fucking drinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, they just drink by a river with a barrel of fire. Right. We were, we were fucking 10. Yeah, fire right we were we were fucking 10. Yeah, that's fucking what do you know? It's like 11 30 at night on a Monday. This fucking drinking seven seven.

I'll see you guys tomorrow. Here a train come by. In the freezing cold freezing cigarette. I know. I did this carping. Carp. It was a fucking nightmare. I was 10 doing the shak. I look at Max and I'm like, I can't fucking believe that he's never gonna go through this crazy shit that I went through. You know, I want to put him through some, right? Something. I don't want to put him in danger,

but I want him to do, I got to have him do fucked up shit. It's your back. It's your backyard, Fenced in. I Fenced it in. So then put him out there with nothing? Yeah, I do. I do like Max come back in seven days. Here's some water, here's some slim jeans, bigger it out. Well, I had a joke that never worked.

I said, uh, having a kid is so worse than a dog. Because a dog you could leave for a month. And if it dies, people would believe your lies. But a kid, a kid, they'd be like, what happened to Max? I don't know, we thought we gave him enough skills. But apparently, apparently, he could pen for himself. Apparently, he fucking, he drowned in the tub. That just came back, oh. That's just coming back. Oh, that's just terrible.

That's my biggest fear that I'm living in now is that I'm looking Michael, where are you go? I'm kidding. I'm looking every day. I'm like, I'm 30 years down the road. Or 10. Let's say I'll be realistic. Maybe 10, 15 years.

Like, oh, fuck, it's almost, I mean, comedy's almost done. Oh my God, I'm in the same place right now. Comedy's almost done. I mean, listen, let's be honest, we have 15, I mean, what, I'm 48, 65. Am I really going to be doing the road? I'm talking about the same, I'm like, why am I going to go to Cincinnati at 60? That's what I'm trying to produce, I can't do it. I can't. It's crazy. Oh, man. That's, it's like, it's like this. You

got to at some point, I mean, I'm all right with the road. I've been doing a lot of it and the it's better. I do from September to June and I'm out. And then I take whatever they give me, but not much in the summer, because people aren't leaving their fucking Lake house to come see but when people do show up and the crowds have gotten better for me. Thank you, you cocks, I guess we're showing up. It's better, but still it's like, you know, I want to know what am I gonna do? I can't I can't be in fucking coach And what am I going to do? I can't, I can't be in fucking coach at 60. Hi, how are you? I have another role for fucking 37 years. Yeah. You know, telling stories. And it's going to be something else. I get scared. But you got to put, you have to, you have to push that away. You can't, you never know what's going to have. There's

that quote, make plans and God laughs. It's like it it's seriously. I never even thought everything comes to an end. Have you heard that one? Yeah. I have a bad quote for every fucking positive one you got. Yeah. But it's true. We really don't know what's gonna happen today. I mean, no, you don't.

And every day is different. And, but you try to live in the moment. The thing that fucks you is this. This fucks me. Your phone. I'm a full on fucking addict. And the last, last three months, say six months, something's happened to me.

Thank you, Mike. Something's happened to me with this fucking phone. What? What would you say? I just, I went to it. My addictions went to this thing. So now I'm just like, and I have to, like, bread.

I need a, I need a week off of it. Yeah, yeah. You know, because I'm just, I would say a little more than a week, but yeah. Off the bread or the phone? Yeah, the bread. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

I know it's bad. Okay, so much weight. Addiction stuff is the worst. I have started. It's the fucking worst. I started walking everywhere. That's my move now. I got a little bootleg fit bit.

And that's my plan. If you get fat enough walking, it's exercise. So no, walking is exercise, even if you're not fat enough. No, not really. Really? I mean, you know what I mean? It'd be great. It's been great for me.

It's like the equivalent of like running. It's good that you're doing. You know what I mean? Walking is running when you're this fat. That's what I mean. That know what I mean? It's like the equivalent of like running. You know what I mean, walking is running. That's what I mean. I'm doing hurdles. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. I'm just scared, though. I'm afraid of what I'm going to look like. I'm afraid of what I'm going to look like when I lose the weight. Like, what am I going to face then? Because I'm not every time I lost weight before my life, I just went down and I was that. You know what I mean? Now, I'm too big for too long. I'm going to, I've got boobs. I'm going to have to go to the gym. I'm going to have to really do this and make this my life and work the

fuck out and lift weights and blah, blah, blah. If I want to, you know, you know, I don't want to look like I'm fucking melted candle. Right. You know, but guys get you get you, but it's much easier to get your body back together for guys. It really is. Yeah, but I mean, yeah, that's what I'm scared of right there. Think about how much time and effort you put into food. I'm not saying you I'm saying all of us like if you put that much energy into getting well, I don't know why I'm talking because I'm a fucking mess. This is a support group now. This is the three way support.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Bobby were starting. Yeah, this is an intervention. The mics aren't on. It's going to show that we're going on the olive tree. Don, can you get in here? We're going to have a hard time at the end of the show. We're both down, says eating borscht with pumpin' a cold. Borscht with pumpin' a cold. It's so good. It sounds so bad, but it's so good. Yeah, I'm afraid of that.

I'm afraid now of that, like that. You fucking get some surge. No, you're not going to look like that. I don't want you to. You're not going to look like that. You weren't big enough to look like that. Yeah, there's no way that's a 400 get some surge. No, you're not going to look like that. I don't want you to work. You're not going to like that. You weren't big enough to look like that. Yeah, there's no way that's a 400 pound person 500 pet seriously. I think these are all people like post gastric bypass.

Yeah. That's actually really. I almost I almost I took a friend of mine just did it and he looks fucking great. I'm I was saying, I'm like, why don't I just do that? Just fucking go do it. I walked in. I went to this doctor when I didn't have insurance, so I was just going to wherever the fuck I could go

that was cheap. And I didn't even tell him what I was in there for. He was like, hey man, why did you just have the fucking surgery? He was like, he was like, life short. And I'm like, my shoulder hurts. He was just like, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,'t said hello to him. He was like, yeah, yeah, exactly. He's like, get the surgery.

And I'm like, one. That is so cool. At the time I was 28. And he's just like, yeah, get back gotcha. Why pass? Yeah, I'm like, my literally my shoulder hurts, sir. Yeah, for me, I mean, actually, for me, you fast, yes, you need the surgery.

Wow. Wow, look at that guy looks great. But he will give out pills pretty easy. So if anybody wants to know, he's inray. For me, you're fast. Yes, you need the surgery. It's me. Wow. Wow, look at that guy looks great. But he will give out pills pretty easy. So if anybody wants to know, he's in the store. I don't know. I want to see my deck again.

Yeah. That is a big part of it. Is that weird? I don't think that's weird. I want to see my, I want to see, I want to see my deck again. He's so blurry. He's like, I want to see my deck.

He's blurry. He's like, I want to see my deck. I want to see my deck. I want to see my deck. I want to see my deck. I want to see my deck. I want to see my deck. I want to see my deck. I want to to look at it. We can do a charcoal etching for you. I think he's going to be looking at it. I don't want you to be like, having that over me. I'm not going to be like, quick comment. You have a podcast, too.

You know a lot of artists didn't sketch it. Yeah, well, I don't know what to fuck to do. I don't know what to do. It's like depression, too, is don't know what to fuck to do. I don't know what to do. It's like depression too is such a sad thing. When you think of what happened to, you know, Brody, it's like, how could this happen? It's like depression when you're sitting there, you can't, who explain it the other day, you can't see the future. It's horrible. You can't see tomorrow or you can't see a year from now. That's fucking a fucked up thought.

And because our job, when you have a regular job that you work and you get, and you can just stay in it as long as you want, as long as you do that job, you can go higher or lower or whatever you want to do. But this job, it's like you're hot, you're on fire one year. You're on fire. No, it's like you're hot, you're on fire one year. You're on fire. I know it's insane. And then all of a sudden, nothing. Yeah.

And the people that wanted to talk to you, don't even fucking, how, like as a human, I don't have that in me. Like, how do you just stop talking to people? It's hard to be. Like, how do you just stop it? And how do you just cut it? How do you just cut off

the conversations you had, the emotional fucking, you know, a bank that you put into each other and you just, it's gone. And you're back to where you were. And it, look, it's not bad because we're all funny. You know, you're a comic, but you're, you're, you're gonna go back on the road. You're gonna do this and that and you're gonna fight for shit again. It's like the drop off from there. It's awesome. And then to go, you, and then, but you have to have the hope.

So you have to have the hope. You're gonna be like, I gotta be, I want to get back. Right. Okay. And you might never. And there's no phoning it in either. If you just phoned it, you could phone it at a job for years. Yes. And a desk job. Yeah. It's like, you have to be so's no phoning it in either if you just phone it you could phone it at a job for years

Yes, it's like you have to be so aware of what's going on You have to be constantly making plans you have to be on top of shit and it's just for you have to be a warrior That's what I always say. It's like being a fucking warrior. Yeah, because we get knocked out I mean the rejection is so Extreme yeah, and the highs are so high and the lows are so, I mean, it's really extreme. And nobody drive you fucking crazy. Nobody understands it. No.

Cause they think about like, oh, how you're doing great. Yeah. No, you're doing great. Yeah. I know. Even when you're doing great, you can still be like, fuck, it's not about the money though for a, I mean, like, it's nice to make some money, but it's more about being respected for your art. And it's more about working. Right. It's more about taking what the fuck is inside of you and getting it out. Speaking of rejection. One of my favorite people just

walked in. I had no idea you're, he just went to the bathroom. Yeah, he's fucking 62. I love him so much. He's going to go to the bathroom three more times. I know. Such a good friend. He is. He's the best. Yeah. I'm in my favorites. I mean, think of that guy. Think of boss. I know. Yeah. We were laughing so hard the other day on the phone because he was going to try to find out how his trip was to Toronto to do these shitty shows. I'm like, I'm going to Bridgeport this weekend, Syracuse next weekend, but Kipsey the weekend after fucking has brokites. I mean, the place is I'm going. It'll be a miracle if I don't start cutting myself. I'm miracle. I like that. Oh, I can't kill myself because I have kids. Yeah. I can't. I can't. But I can cut myself.

You have to wait there. They're 20 when they don't like you. Right. Fucking just hang yourself from a door. Well, that's a boy. A girl. It's 12. Yeah. 12.

So I don't have that. Well, it's, it's, uh, what's up? How you doing? Can you tell us about? We left. So tell us about your trip to Toronto. Oh, first of all, I will on a segment. I'm having a major problem.

15 and 16. I'm having no problem with, but number 17 of Gary Goldman's tips on stuff. I can't get through number 17. Why can't I be with that because I, if you can have it with 15, because that is the number 50. I for swap day long. I, because my tiptooter came in today. And I came in at 17.

It's fucking is just driving me nuts. What did you get to 33? Oh man, the one tip where it says, don't spit on an audience member at Boston Comedy Club. Right. I don't remember that. I think that's it.

Maybe that's in the master class. That's my favorite one is when you're in LA, don't call the lady in the audience a con. That's what that's tip 49. Now we all got a temper. We all got a temper. What's the worst thing you said to an audience member? What's the worst thing I, hello?

The worst thing I said, I didn't know. And it really bothered me. There was a guy there. Well, there was a dad start. No, there's two things. The first one was kind of funny. But there was a lady sitting there with a guy who was so out of the closet gay. I mean, you know, yeah, me and the tail look like fucking, you know, Billy Burr or fucking, you know, Mike Tyson. I was funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody laughs. Yeah. All right. That's okay. But you cut into my story. I was helping. Okay, so you were the lady soon, and you were, he was at gay, gay, gay, and then I look at the lady and she's holding a pillow. I go, why are you holding the pillow there?

She just said, I had my breasts removed. Oh boy. Oh, no, you're not to worry about him. He doesn't care. Because she was gay. Wow. So the time of the audience got silent. Yep.

That's what you told a good- I have to say in situation, but I just don't know why I don't do her. I know her voted her. Same exact. Yeah, feel these reminisce. One of the sun-guns is my name. I have the same situation, but I signed my name. And then I wrote exo, exo, and I'm a hit one of the o's or nipple, where it would have been.

I was tresting as guys to pay once, and he threw it at me on the street. He said, why across the road. Was that my father? My father used to rip his to pay off and throw it when he was mad. Anyway, stick to the wall like a fucking animal. What the fuck? And then just rip it off and throw it and it would stick to things. I've tried to talk about that on stage and people don't laugh.

It's so ridiculous. Oh, it's a 10 number 72. Don't throw it. It's a podcast joke. It's a good podcast, Jack. What's the worst thing you said to somebody on stage? Oh, I've got, when I'm really mad, I get quiet and I analyze them.

It's that's when it's bad. Like I'm not screaming. I'm like, you hate yourself, you're embarrassed, you must have been abused, who touched you. Like I go crazy. Oh, you get, you get psychological. When they push me to it, like if they're like, wrap it up and they do that with their finger

or start shaking their head at me or something, I can really snap and And it's not, yeah, I'm not screaming. I'm literally looking at them and tearing them apart. And they get, they look upset like they go next. Don't you hate that? Oh, that's what I'm talking about. They say next or wrap it up or whatever. And I, that's, that will push me to a point where I say evil, evil things horrible. It's fucking, yeah, when they, next, oh, when I, when I hear next, I don't care if it's a club owner or the manager, I just fucking go after him.

Don't fucking tell me to get off the stage ever. You know, it's just the club owners of Toget. What? What? Rich, no one booked you, please. I am Jacka Lantern. That is the one of the worst thing someone can do to me. That's when I will really go crazy.

I told no and I hate after the show when you do well and someone comes over and goes, man, that one is, was tough. I hope it's all the time. I like talking about that all the time. Well, they didn't laugh as much as I did, but I thought you were, I'm like, what? I thought I did well. You were the asshole. Yeah. It's my head, Tommy. You do that? I thought it's going on. You were the asshole, yeah.

It's my add Tommy, you know, Tommy at comedy works at the Albany. So they had the small club, which I used to love. It was a great club when it was that old breakfast, loved it, but he always used to work the kitchen. So one weekend, I worked there about your times and then one weekend, he was there and there wasn't another person. She came out of the kitchen and you know, the door opens and it's just light. And this fucking man took up the whole doorway and he go.

He did. He did this and he did it the first show and I was like, what the fuck? And then he did it the second show. I went up to him. This guy could literally, he squashed me. I went, listening you fuck face. You know, fucking do this. I'm doing great. listening you fuck face. You don't fucking do this. I'm doing great.

I think you're fucking telling me to wrap it up. He's like, no, I just, I, isn't that the way you tell people to get off stage? I don't knock this. Let's tell you to tell a fucking shit comment to you. And that's a parent thing. That reminds me of a parent, like it's just, I hate it. Yeah, he was like, I hate that.

No, he was like, oh, I'm so sorry. I don't do that. I didn't know. I just, that's what you did. I go, first of all, your face looks angry all the time. Yeah. Hands of the size of catch his mitts. You doing this really pissed me the fuck off. No, just an idiot. Take it my life in my own hands. He could have just went, I'm going to do whatever I want. Okay. Yeah. I, I've, I've, I'm gonna do whatever I want. Okay. Yeah. I, I, I, I, I'm looking at call somebody a cunt. Oh, I have.

I think you have. I haven't. I didn't last for a year. I don't know. I don't know if he had. Yeah. No, not necessarily. I've called him a cunt. Sure, sure, sure.

I feel like one of the first times we worked together at the, at the in Arlington, there was some woman who really drew your eye in a very specific way. I didn't call her a canto. Okay. I don't know. Spiritually you did. Even if you didn't say, no, I probably laid into her. I do the same thing she does, but I do it with a with me.

Yes. When I was volume. Well, I'm just like, you're fucking, you're going to ruin the whole show. I kicked the girl out. I get we got on video a couple weeks ago. I'm on stage. Two girls talking the whole show. Great crowd. A lot of fans at the pussycat, right? Killin. Let me fuck two girls. I don't know. Finally, I go, Hey, do you girls want something? You guys need something? Yeah. Yeah, we want to our drink. I was like, oh, the waiter's right there. Get your drinks, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,, blah, blah, This little black girl was there laughing with her boyfriend laughing and she leans in at one of my jokes. She goes, that's disgusting. Oh god, trying to get trying to soil the fucking crowd. I went, goodbye. I go, you gone. I go, you don't get the fucking no way. I go, you don't like the show. There's you gone. Get the fuck out. You don't get the soil the whole fuck. That's why comedy stinks because of people like you trying to tell everybody else how to think, buy get, they're like, what? I'm like, goodbye. Fuck off. You're out. This happened to you and I, I don't know what I'm thinking. One of the worst things that has happened was recent on the Joker's cruise. You went off on girls for talking. They got kicked out. And then I

said the word, I don't know if you knew about this, I said the word retarded. And some woman screamed out, you know, you're not funny. That's not funny. How dare you, I have a child with problems. That that's what I, I'm talking about. I snapped. Yeah. I looked at her seriously and I'm so sorry that your father touched you, but your mother wasn't giving it up and he had to fuck you. You know, probably felt good and you got confused and you didn't know. It was just your father and I'm like, and by the way, I have a child with problems too. You fucking can't beat me.

I went crazy on that. I'm like, I have a child with heart disease. How does that make you feel like I went nuts? Yeah. And started saying surgeries and stents. She's three and a half. And she, the whole crowd was with me and started screaming for her to get out,

but I feel, I'm really scared of your face. I gotta screaming for her to get out. But I got a standing ovation. But I felt sick after because I felt sick after. Because I said to Paul Verzi, I'm surprised that boats moving Yeah, yeah, I was bobby was on it. I saw I saw I was doing that's fake I was doing that cruise last year. I'm doing that cruise last year I hope we do it together. I'll push you off the fucking balcony So I'm doing that crew That big I'd be threatening pushing me off the balcony. So I got a ton of blood. I'd get up there and vote a fucking doc.

Anyhow, listen to me. What? I'm doing nothing. Some of them don't work. So who says four? I don't want it. You know what? What is it?

It's ice coffee. Who's extra? No, I drink coffee. I don't drink ice coffee. I remember on the fucking. You want to drink ice coffee. That's so much. I don't know anybody drinks

Stupid have a fucking gatorade To fuck coffee is for hot is Dunkin Donuts be a man of pot work boots on the Savior anger for the Palestinians He's ready to go Fucking y'all like I fucking threw rocks in his army Can I just say something that I was in the middle of before you started hammering? I was my right I was ready. I want to say something your story I know I know It's your Okay, no

Go around the room The games Tell your story It might help you story. We were on the I was a don't do it Well, it might help your story. We were on the boat, that boat. It was fucking awful. There's a lot of chubby people on that boat. I remember three ladies in those fucking fat people

locks pulled up to a table, moved the chairs out of an eight over their handlebars. Oh, brutal. They pulled up to the buffet with a fucking claw machine. They did it for real. They literally were just leaning over the handlebars. I was like, this is a bad fucking way. Every time I went on stage, I'm like, I have never felt so good about myself in my life.

I was like, I feel amazing. I felt healthy. Because I actually was using the stairs. I remember I opened the elevated door. It was, I think, 230 in the morning, three o'clock. And four of the biggest people I've ever seen got off the elevator with, with fucking pizza. I think there was pizza, there was wings

of top of the pizza, and then there was two scoops of mac and cheese on top of that. But there was everybody at the party. And there was, but they were going back to a room with no, no view. Just just sit right inside. Look at a wall. But I actually the two girls that were fun. Yeah, this is the worst too.

These two girls liked me. Like they were like, we love you. I know. And they were every joke in the middle of the joke. But no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because he lost it right before I went on, I was like, you guys did it. And then I went on and lost the fuck up. And they'd be like, oh my god, he's talking like they would not stop. They don't think that talking is fucking disruptive.

Right. Cause they don't, it's like, and the, it sucks too, because the people in the back really can't, but the people around people around them right because other people can't see it or hear it those two girls The the girl not the black little black girl next room came up to me after the show she said thank you so much they were In the whole show for me. She's had a bad day today. It's my birthday And I got called the N word for the first time in my life. What? And I was like, oh my God. She heard me. I was super. So I did that.

I did that. My ears get hot when bad things happen. I did that. I did that cruise the year before. So we're standing in the hallway. It's me, Samarrel, and two other comics. And these three ladies come up and this one lady goes to Samarrel intentionally in front of us. He goes, you were the best. You were funny, right? You were

the funniest out of all of them. Then I looked at her two friends. I go, you two are prettier than her. That's the greatest thing I've heard in all time. I was doing a black show in a barb at or something. I'm not a barb at. Yeah, I was doing a show there. And I started doing some... We used to be able to call them black show. Yeah, we called them black shows. I know, we used to be able to call them black show. Yeah, yeah, we call them black

show. I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's no tics. You're fucking. No, stop it. Right there. There's no tics on my glasses. And you just don't even mean show tick check. Oh, yeah, big one. Is sure. No, I just see a pimple. You saw. Oh, good. You just have a little pimple. So I just got you. I was doing a, a, a, a, a barbat. I was doing some bit and this lady must have been 700 pounds. And she started booing me. She wasn't a bed. She was in a bed. She was in a room in a room. She started booing. I go, you fat bitch. I go, you should be booing, not booing.

Right. To call it, Nights, I walk off. But I felt horrible after that. Why do we feel bad? I felt sick. I felt terrible too. I felt bad. You feel bad. Even felt sick. I felt terrible too. I did. I felt bad.

You feel bad. Even the thumb girls I kicked out of, I felt a little bad because it's like, should I be able to handle myself? Is it me? No, after a while, you're just, you get like, sometimes you make a wrong call. Like, I was doing a show in Pittsburgh.

You snap. That's what happened. And like, I talked, there's people in wheelchairs who are coming to show. And they, but they don't want to be treated any different sometimes, right? You know, they want to, so there was a guy

in a wheelchair, but I didn't realize and I was fucking with him throughout the show. And then I got an email saying, oh, my brother was in a major accident. And it's the first time he was out there that I was in a, and I felt so hard. Like I didn't mean anything vicious. I just felt that you know what I mean? I felt of course. And I wrote to her. I go, you know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But you sometimes you're not trying,

you don't want to hurt people. It's just I think that when your self esteem and your ego gets fucked with on stage, you're already highly elevated. And then when somebody fucks with you, all that energy you're going to put into your sat somehow all that fear and shit that you don't know is there, but it's always there. I just comes out. I actually did that in Florida. I was working with Florida. Florida Florida. Okay. Yeah. You're correcting me. Yes. For this world is flipped. What?

What is that? Your new shirts you sell right there too. And over there too. I like them a lot. See that? Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Boom. Yeah. What one? Okay, Steve Hofstetter. What else is he selling? Hey, I got my one. This guy after a show. I knew it. He had he had five CDs after a show. I didn't play. one I have CD players in it. What's wrong? I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don, I don't, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I Okay, so the Oh, it's who's screaming at who now you get a little mad I have one sheet I bring you my would meet my fifth one the other one's I don't bring with me You can get them online I don't fucking have more in team had books had fucking a team was a one-stop shop. He had a store. He should get a spinny thing to have a truck

stop. Unbelievable. Anyways, I was on I was on stage in Florida. Thank you. Jay Davis. I was doing that little tour after tour. We were doing this cool rock and roll room, but the fucking stage was a bar. It was weird. And the crowd was packed up and these guys were fucking with Jay. A lot of times it would happen because he wasn't, you know, he was good, but he, you know, he'd get fucked with. He was on a great character culture. He's just dunk.

Jesus, boss. I don't know. I've never seen him in my life. You're a lion. So I have a show. You can stand up. Yeah, you have on the show. What show? Yeah. What are on the show. What show?

Yeah. What are you talking about? What's your acting on that long time? No, wait, what show? You act like a dog. I didn't mean that was so. Oh, you think I watched it in? You think I watched it in?

You think I watched it? Oh, you. I don't know. You think I watched tourgas? Why didn't she hit it? Shut up, you told me you saw it. I never saw it. I didn't see one episode. You said you didn't see that. And I never saw it. You said you didn't see that obvious told me you saw it. I never saw it. I didn't see one episode.

Yes, I didn't see that and I never saw you. I never said I'm not gonna watch you guys and get jealous in my own house. Watch your dumb shows. We're on the show. He's getting fucked with a lot. I go out. I'm fucking angry because it being kind of I go out and I'm I do my shit and they start talking And I hear them say something and I fucking snap I go to the fuck you clock suckers. You're gone. Fuck you Out I walk out into the crowd Like who was it these three guys go that guy and I grabbed this kid little Indian kid I grabbed my go get the fuck out of it. He's like fucking hey, hey, I'm like fuck you, you motherfucker Fucker with Jay the whole time and then he goes it wasn't me and this guy goes no dude, it was those three guys

I was like, come here. I was so I know it's horrible. I had a bottle thrown at me at the old improv. From a French guy who was just like, oh, the lack you. You were crazy. He didn't like me any too. You're not jealous. It was Dan Adamman. It was Dan Adamman.

So I took a whole bottle, like a water bottle, which is heavy, and threw it at me, and I ducked, and it didn't hit me is heavy and threw it at me and I ducked and it didn't hit me, but I picked it up and I didn't even think I swear to God, I just threw it right back in him and he ducked and I hit a Swedish woman in the shoulder and she started swinging.

We were at the UN. It was the improv in Midtown, you know, Broadway. It was that, it's always tourist. I was fucking working on a black club again. It's just a club. So I love you. No, Obama. No, it was not. Okay. I'm sure I'm working this color club. So I might say, what the fuck? What you said, I can't say black club. What did you say? A colorful club. It was the whole place. No, so I'm really not covered. Very sure. Listen, it was a clothing. Okay, puffy on the

club was called Justin's in the middle of town. So my stage is going well, then I start, I start losing a crowd. And I hear from the back, like, you know, on a Apollo, when they gave you the siren, they get off. So I heard that I go, and I said, I go fuck you, I go, let me tell you,. I go let me tell you don't know me You don't know what I've accomplished in life. I sure got I've been on HBO showtime at the time I go I have 25 years sober Kids I put into college whatever good dad and all these things I go what have you accomplished?

And I get a total silence and it was puffy That scum back? I didn't know it was him. But he was ill with his crew and he, you know, uh, and I would have you accomplished. Pretty much all this. A lot. I went over the time.

You see the one where Billy Berger and a donut thrown at him? Oh, there's a slow mo of the donut and the sugar just kind of Where is on oh my god? It's on YouTube. I just said it out. I would would imagine that he would go to a right away When I said Billy Berghett to donut fucking thrown out of Michael faster not your life mind You gotta hear these stories from peppermint lounge. This was the peppermint I don't want to hear stories from the 40s Okay, so there it is. Wait, wait, wait, there it is. It's on film. Wow, 22. You're boon me. Let me ask you guys a question. When you were kids,

did you lay in bed and dream at night? Some day I'm going to work and advertise it. Some day I'm going to have my own. Wait, wait, wait, slow mo slow mo slow mo good wait That's hilarious remember when they had those great donuts Just like your crash video. That did, yeah. It was a club in charge. I was like, good donuts at that place. I remember that club.

Which club? That was comics. Oh, yeah, they had all those donuts were amazing. They so overcame everybody. I know. They were like, we're going to give you $30,000. I was like, okay, I can work with that. I only have 52 minutes.

I'm amazing. I cut my money back there so I can come back. I say, they offer me, I think, 8,000. I go, look, some like that. I go, you'll lose money. So here's what you do. Give me two weekends at 5,000 a piece. Right? So this way,

and they lost on both of those. I remember that I think it was, they offered me 10 grand for the weekend. I was like, all right. I was walking. I remember was like 13 people there. That was just I am. I want to donate. He wanted people pay 800 to see. I was I wanted all the time. I go, this is a this ship is sinking. I wanted everything that week. There was a club in Jersey permanent lounge.

It was the toughest urban room on 500. It was a toughest. JB smooths on stage and he used to be one of the funny sketch, but sometimes this black dude walked to the stage and as he was doing a set, just started throwing chicken bones out of it. Like one at a time like, blocking the wood chicken like, black and a magic and what do you do? Eighth and finished. The fucking the stories, you could tell these stories forever.

Oh, the best one. Did you ever not get paid for, uh, for saying something? Cause I, that happened to me at a college, because I said Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah, I had told one joke and I said Jesus Christ and I didn't even know I said it and they the guy that booked me came up to the stage. He's like, we're going to need you to leave immediately. Wow. I said, what happened? I didn't even tell a joke. I had in front of the whole crowd and he goes, I'm serious. They called security. It's a big problem. I said, what did I say? I haven't even, I literally hadn't told and he goes, you said JC and one of our biggest donors is here and she's live it.

Because you took the Lord's name in vain, and they called security, and there were two security guys standing next to the stage. Like, what are you afraid? I'm gonna eat the crowd. Like, what the fuck is going on? I had a college. I had a, I was in the middle of a set at a college,

and I, I'm, I'm, I'm fucking totally just eating it. And I was just getting more fucking, wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha- hand in the middle of it and go, uh, Robert Kelly. He was great. I'd got it. And slowly push me in the back. I would job. Wow. Then we're going to go right to the sleepover part of this evening. I got some sleepover college thing like everybody slept in the gym or something. Robert Kelly, patreon.com, go to patreon.com, slash Robert Kelly. If you're a fan of mine, you should be a fan there. Go there. Oh, this podcast right here comes up three days early with the audio version

one on ones and live from the shed live from the fat black now. Coming soon, coming soon with a liza colbe and Brian compliment. So, but I'll go ahead and then and what else we got I got a couple more things twitch right Mike guy. Yeah, we're on twitch We re-broadcast on Sundays probably with the Saturdays I can you pre-record these With somebody else's voice It sounds like you're dying Gabby, we're going to twitch we now record on Sundays, but we might do Saturdays. Right. Jesus. Instagram, YKDBD podcast and, uh,

it's seller Vegas, uh, me, Vos, Keith Robinson, Paul Verz, you're gonna be there. Make it a second. That's awesome. To the 26th. So there you go. What a laughable.com, too. What is that all about Mike? Live a lot of calm. I just want to kill myself. I fucking want to kill myself. Try again, Mike. Not me to tell you what just middle sent me. They're Android beta is up now. Not just for

I do. He is sinuses yet throw. What is that? Is that just my next again? What is that? He's got a fucking early onset. He's got a twig. Go to Mike.com.

Mike.com. I want to give me a favor real quick. It right in the middle here. It was at the beginning of the show, but I want to just go to Lisa's kidney.com, my sister. He needs a kidney. She's got kidney disease or kidney's gone. She's on dialysis four or five times a week. She's getting kind of sicker and sicker as she gets older because her immune system goes down and she's really she's working her working her way through it.

So if you can go there, I'm not I know it's a crazy thing to say, hey, can you give me maybe give a kidney to something? It's nuts. I mean, go fund me five bucks. That's cool. Maybe a gift for kids during Christmas. I get it. Five dollars for my Patreon. I mean, it's either five dollars for the Patreon or this. But two equally important things. Now who has a wacky story? I'm sorry. Oh, that's true. I mean, we talked about it. Yes, sure. That's true. What are your kidneys? You have two good. No, I got a bit. What one has had us, it had a cyst on it. A cyst. They drain. Your kidneys get cyst on them together. A cyst, a cyst. Okay. Mine had one the size of a baseball, but they drained it, but it came back, but it doesn't affect.

Can he get cyst on? What they, what came out of it? They drained. Oh, gravy. What it came out of it? Siss. Next time that happens, let me know I got some fucking well done French fries. they trained Oh gravy. What it came out of it? Six years. Next time that happens, let me know I got some fucking well done french fries from across the street. Gravies and fries. How good is that? Oh, gravy and fries.

With lots of cheese also. Lots of rel. Oh God. That is great. On top of the gravy and the fries. No, my God. I'm going to I'm going to change your world. Oh, I can't.

I'm going to change your world. You two talking about food. No, you can't I'm gonna change your world to talk about food Holy shit Well done French fries mm-hmm well done French fries. Yes, get butter Irish butter Oh God put it over the top weight. I'm not saying then salt it. The salt sticks to the french fries that way. Yes. You'll never have a french fry better. Yeah. Taking butter. A heart attack right there. A little bit of special ever. You're fucking laying on the floor. Okay. Mike's going to jerk off. What's Irish butter? Irish butter. He loves Irish butter.

What is Irish butter? It's incredible. Yeah, it's just very pure butter. It's just fucking itchy. It's yellow. It's amazing. It is right here. Oh, God. It's the only butter to get. I mean, it's butter.

It's fucking real butter and it tastes like grass-fed counts. Grass-roam sign Hamilton churned that butter. That's a big sense. I'm sorry. He's just... Now, we've never... Now, have you ever said something you're doing, Utah? Have you ever had the flip on a crowd? Um, I mean, a little bit. people that are, that we're talking, the funniest thing that

probably happened was I was in, I was in Virginia and I was, some guy was just like, making weird noise. It's just, just, and I'm just like, oh, this fucking idiot. And like, well, nice haircut, you more, and just, it's crushing everyone around him, it's laughing hardest shit. And I'm like, what, look at this dumb, what are you wearing overalls? And I'm just like, really crush this guy and everyone's laughing like a little too hard. And I'm like, I don't dumb, what are you wearing overalls? And I'm just like, really crush this guy. And everyone's laughing like a little too hard. And I'm like, I don't know what the fuck's going on.

And then I get off state. And then I out of it. And I do my set. And it was good. And I get off stage. And some guys like, hey, man, it was so hilarious how you shit on my retarded friend. I didn't realize it.

But I was just trashing a mental yield, man. You can't, like, but I was just scratching a mental yield man. Oh my god, you can't, like you can't toll the overall. The overall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The overalls didn't fucking. Yeah, I know. I was a Virginia. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the helmet didn't. Yeah, yeah. I was doing great. I could do a great faith. The three, how am I going? The three foot tongue didn't get tongue. I was going, I can't do that anymore. Sorry. I was doing St. John's College. So I'm out. We know you were going to it. I know. So I was doing it out in the court back court yard. I might

say, and it's like working at prison yard. There was a security. I mean, a sorority doing a pledge. And no one was listening to me, right? So some nuns standing next to the stage, I go, who are you? Are you banging St. John? That's one of my completely cut off. I just don't know. Oh, yeah. Oh, you can't say that to a nun. They don't like men. I had four nuns at a show once with those high habits. Oh, yeah. And they were actually cool. They ignored me because I was, they were just, they were just eating at a little table over here, looking at each other.

And then I said, I said one thing that was a little, I think I said fuck and one just, I just saw the head turn one. And then turn back. I was a goops. I think I said fuck and one just I just saw the head turn one And then turn back all the goops The one time I did a Catholic church they were like okay, just don't use don't say the F word And don't use the law its name in vain. I was like no absolutely. I'm good got it Okay, so I go up and see some do my thing I was like yeah, so anyway, it's the fucking, oh shit. Jesus Christ. No, that's insane.

And just on ladies' head pop off. Yeah. I didn't know saying Jesus Christ wasn't okay at the time. It's like 15 years ago. It's a weird, serious, it's a weird person. It's a weird, no idea. It's fucking rule. Like the Lord's name and vein.

What is that? I don no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea.

I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea.

I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. Well, in Maine, this means like throwing it out there without any respect. Oh, I was doing Mike, are you okay? I'm okay. All right.

Sir, why is your bottom lizard quivering? Oh, I got another go-fun me page. I need a new lip. Yeah. Go wet your tongue. Yes. Don't make out with Nathamin. With that they just need to rub their two bottom lips.

It's not Nathamins upper lip. It's just the bottom. What do you got there? What is that? A lips lip and flat. So I was doing Marty's school like SUNY Delhi. What's so he so the the Dean of the school is here this lady and two other

ladies. And he said, whatever you do, don't say anything to them. Well, anyhow, when I started calling them lesbian, you're crout when fucking nuts. So I was never allowed back in their school. So I was never allowed back in that school, but money like me. So he brought me back as Richie V. Instead of us. And then I started I worked there again until she left. You remember how many times you went up there? Oh, so many. Yeah.

So many times I did it. Yeah. I mean, it was such a good guy. He was the best. He loved comedy too. I loved comedy. He didn't care if you bombed everybody bombed up there. Never won. First time I was the place called first time.

I was suiting D'Alhaz. First time I went there, Jason Steinberg gave me the gig. He was like, 150 bucks. You try. Yeah. Was my first time in New York, I think. 150 bucks. You go up there. You probably was getting a thousand, right? So I told Aldo many, I go, dude, I I got this gig 150 bucks. I'll split it with you We'll drive up it with his car. He goes nah I go come on dude. It's not I don't feel like doing it. I go all right

Well, I don't have a car. So I go do you want the gig? He goes I'll take it wow I go you cock sucker. I grabbed him by his lapel You're splitting it with me and he drive me up to you I go, you cock sucker. I grabbed him by his lapel. You're splitting it with me. He dragged me up to you, fucking motherfucker. We drove up to the, a Dallas cheerleader headlining this retire. I've never seen somebody suckers back.

Oh, I remember her. She was from LA. She was in the back. She was putting on this makeup. The gig was in a hallway. Not it was a stage in a hallway. There was seven students at the show. And she was in there doing full makeup.

Like, and we would just me and I would just staring at like what the fuck is going on. And we went up and did our shit. We had fun. Then we just stayed to watch her fucking you're taking seven students. There was just one girl going like this. There was a girl comic. There was a nightmare gig. It was in the day in, in, in, in, in Queens.

It was a college in the day. I don't want to say to those names, but she was on stage. And this black, the student on this black dude was this, he wouldn't shut up. And, and, and, and this was a kiss of death. She said, you think you're funny, funny or then come up here. Oh, boy. And she had kind of yellow teeth.

And he walked up, there he goes, bitch, your teeth look like butter. That's brutal. There's no coming back. You got to quit comedy. If you didn't do colleges, you don't have, you never done. That is horrible. That's brutal. There's no coming back. You got to quit comedy. But you didn't do colleges.

You don't have, you never done college. They gone. Yeah. They were colleges were the money maker. Ronnie, I did them for years, man. They were the money maker. Do you have a hair? That's all you went through.

That's where I was. I mean, I was in the middle. I remember driving in Texas in the middle of the night and staying in shitty. I mean, the hotels they put you in were fucking horrible. Remember that? No. Last week. Remember I was telling you had to see the hotel they pulled up.

I said, I'm not staying here. And I went on play song and got my hotel in Toronto. Yes. I mean, to Greg, listen, I got to tell you, you know the Darrell Hamming, Yonkers story. Yes. I mean, a great listen, I gotta say, you know, the Darrell Hammond Yonkers story. No. There was a club in Yonkers called Shooting Star with all these fucking Italians and these, you know, gangsters ran it. Yeah. So Darrell just came up from Florida. He wasn't on SNL. He was just some, he's on a stay. He walks out and they're talking and talking and talking. And then he said, today, you know, listen,

if you people listen to me, you might find this funny. And some guy sends up and he else, he's wounded. Let's get him. It wounded. That was shooting stars. I remember when I was doing a showbust and there was a it was a mob club. What next? No. Oh, I mean, next was a mob club too, but no, it was a, it was some club that was like a Chinese restaurant and the mob owned it and they would fucking do shows there. And I remember they would throw their shoes at comics, that didn't like, oh my, it was like this fucking Italian guy. You see a fucking slip on just fucking fly by the stage. Get the fuck off the stage, you cock-sucker.

You can't fuck with him, because you're a mobster. Not back then. Fucking Levy was working in Brooklyn, Bob Lee, and they were gonna beat him up or kill him to the show. No one said, listen, because he was going after some real mobsters. Right.

He didn't know. And the owner had to stop the guys from from beating him in the alley. Yeah. You know, I have my friend Stephen called me up on time. He goes, what are you doing Wednesday the 10th? And I was like, nothing. Why? He goes, you have a gig. And he was in the, you know, whatever, you know?

And he goes, meet me down at Mings in 20 minutes. I go, Mings has been closed for 10 years. He goes, it's not anymore. I go down, I lived in a river right into the water. And there was this Chinese restaurant that was closed, pretty much my whole life. You lived in a river and tried by Swamp got and then yeah, all right, side track. A shot of the fucking did you want to fucking

release lobster roll in your view? So anyways, we, uh, I go down the, I go to the dry, I go to the mings. There's all caddies and Mercedes. It's fucking lively. The lights are on. I go inside. It's all gangsters like in the corner playing cards, we sit down, the guy comes over, there's fucking,

there's big massive guy, he goes, this is mousy. He goes, you better be funny. He already committed me to the gig without asking me. He goes, you better be funny. It's Joe the barber is getting out of federal prison that I have a party for, my minks. So we sit down, he goes, you want lasagna or you want Chinese ribs?

I go both. Yeah. So they brought on this Italian food out and all this Chinese food out. And what you're doing the show is for Joe, it's the, he goes, it's the wise guys and their wives. So you gotta fucking be on point, right? And so it's like, all right, great.

I hired this Italian kid. Stinks, fucking blows. I've worked with him like four times. He fucking just dies. I'm like, I'm gonna throw him up to the fucking walls. He'll go up, eat his dick. I'll go up and do fucking 20 minutes, 30-minute kill. Bang, we do it, show up.

His kids on stage, he had fucking 15 minutes of slamming guinea material. Just murdering. And then my grandmother comes out, oh, it's good, good, it's good to keep looking happy. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, murdering. They literally carrying him out.

This guy Moose is holding him like a little baby. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I got no Italian material. I can ship my pants. And they go where is he? And they bring me on a month stage and dank quiet.ose he takes a chair Turned it around sits in the front row like this

I'm my heart is palpitating out of my fucking checks. It's all fucking suit mom Just jolt about all this fucking guys and I was like what the fuck? I just went I fucking minks I go to Chinese restaurant. Where's Ming? I just went, what the fuck, it minks. I go to the Chinese restaurant, where's Ming? They ain't got it, they go, he's in the kitchen. He's in the kitchen, they grab this, obviously they have this little Chinese guy.

On the fucking stage with me. And they're like, he like gamble and he like, they killed the restaurant from above. But they made him cook. I did like 50 minutes on Ming, they all died. I walked the fuck off. I almost took out motherfucker. I want you know, you know, you don't fuck around, man. I always do on a bachelor party once when I first started and it wasn't behind the bar in the back room. And it was like 15 and it was a naked dancer. What a guy or a girl. girl. And this is true. She took the, the, the groom's glasses.

Oh no. And took her pussy lips and tied his glasses and her pussy lips. She had that. And then you go, she had, I see what you have back. If you had headphones on, you get some of these jokes. If you had the headphones on yourself, you're listening. You're not at rings. He's holding his finger like he's out. They were right here. They're not fans. They're literally on the show. They saw. There's four of them. All right. That's just math. We all do math. We know it's good. Oh God. Does your head get bigger every time I see you?

Yeah. Well, you stuck by a cornice nest. Yeah. Yeah. He's got more dough than Leno. Look at this mess. But you fucking want some of the same rings like you. I'm just talking about a chin strap and then he brought up a chin thing.

Yeah, she used to have a dildo on her chin. What are you talking about? I would strap it onto my face and the dildo would come out of my chin. You were a prop act. Oh, there it is. There it is. Right. No, go back up to the other.

Look. That's Sean Donnelly the chain Was that for that is that for sex no no it's for eating That's from the Rachel Ray collection That's from the Rachel Ray collection. You fucking idiot. My friend Grandma, they took it from Poland when she was a kid. Where'd she hide it? I can't believe it.

The way. Oh, yeah, dude, the chip. Wow, let me go to another photo. Think about it. Think about if that's on and you're going down on someone and you have that. It's hot. Oh, you're like that in her as you your going down? Yeah. Whoa. Two for the place. The one that was all she can do is you're going down. What is that? You old timer. Yeah that for the butt? No, that's like a little that's like a little Mexican penis. That's called the race trader. Jesus Christ. What are you? What are you? What are you talking about? I just keep going down. No.

That one looks weird. Why would that, I mean, is that, is that, huh? No, I just, that's, that's, that's, that's also for a retainer for her braces. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that's, that phone on the podcast? He does. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Why are we together? I don't know, but why is a Barbie? That's called the seven. What is that? That's a knife. That's if you hate the person you want to fuck them. Look at that one. That one's just crazy.

Look at her face. She had a roller coaster. This poor guy who invented it had a funny. She's getting a pedigame. This guy who invented it didn't have enough money at the end of it to have models. So he's on Shark Tank. So here's the deal. I'm shocked.

Here's the new and approved. This one he made money and he got in shape. And this is the upgraded version. That's for a man. I can tell you right now. That's for a man. What do you mean? Wow. Because's for a man. I can tell you right now. That's something for a man. What do you mean? Whoa, wow.

It's that guy I can do with that. Yeah, he had a gay. Yeah, he had a gay. Yeah, he had like, I'm gonna rape. Kevin Hart knows how to make money. Why would you cover it? Now if you're a gay guy though, wouldn't you want to put, first of all, that's the one I had.

Okay. No, but it didn't cover my mouth. Would you get it? CVS. This was 25 years ago. I'm not exaggerating. I was. If you're a gay guy, your mouth should be open. Because that way when you put it in the balls, you can take a, oh, I know. It's the whole thing. Right. Yeah. Yep. I thought about the physics. No, that wouldn't work. How far did you go in? If that's like that, and you're just... Oh, jeez.

It's a listen. If that's like that. What the hell? It's a bunch of... I'm telling you, it's a bunch of... I'm telling you, it's a bunch of... I'm telling you, it's a bunch of... I'm telling you, it's a bunch of...

I'm telling you, it's a bunch of... I'm telling you, it's a bunch of... I'm telling you, it's a bunch of... I'm telling you, it's a bunch of... I'm telling you, it's a bunch of... I'm telling you, it's a bunch of... the whole you can't get mad at me. Physics. My ass. A cock and motion tends to stay in motion. Physics. Newton's law. Not fit. You mean, Newton's law.

How long does this go for? Until you leave. No, because I got here early, so I don't know. Stop, stop. You ask the same questions every time I'm here. I just don't know what goes until I say we wrap it up. Oh, you don't have a time. No, I have to leave a little early.

You can leave whatever show around the corner. It's just it annoys me because he's done the show 900 times and the same questions every fuck is like are we there yet? Are we there yet? How long does this go? You were told how long it goes. I forgot. Gabby, did you tell him?

Yes. How many times? Five to seven. Thank you. No, that's the time. No, that's the time. No, that's the time. No, that's the time.

How many times you tell him? Two. One. Happy. I just said twice. Three times. One. I have to say twice. One. Three times. One.

I told you twice. You never told me twice. I told you twice. You want to eat after this? Sure. Okay. I'm not saying, wait a minute. All right.

Listen guys, this was a fun one. This was fun. We shot up 20 minutes, so you don't have to wrap it up. Well, it's here. So go ahead. You know how I. You don't have to wrap it up. Well, it's your show. Go ahead. You know how I do it, right? How do I do it? We start coming into the drawdown. And then we start doing plugs and then we talk a little bit towards the end around 20 minutes, 30 minutes. And then we're done. It takes around that. I mean, he's been on the show. Maybe he has not in a plug. This guy makes $30,000 at nine. No, but I know, I know. I know.

Well, laughs at that fucking serial killer and makes 30 grand a month. It's great. No. The best job in show business. I'll fucking knock my front tooth at every place you're to say. He's a good laugh for it. You be you be Nick Mullin. I'll be over the star. That's the formula. I love. Nick was here last night. He went out with a comic to. Yeah, she's very funny.

What's your name? Abby. Abby Rosenquist. No, we can't even hear the show. Yeah, she's from Texas. Yeah, one of them. Jess, you know Abby? Mm-hmm.

Very funny. I might know her. I just don't remember names. She's super good. She worked with me at Cap City. She was great. Yeah, great. Yeah.

Well, it's so funny because he was there and he said, oh, this is my girlfriend. And he's like, oh, shit. I hope that his girlfriend's good. Cause she's not at the liel weekend. Right. Right stuff. Yeah. Stuff. Not good.

She ever needs to talk. Yeah, here's my number. It's 888 45555. But she was actually funny. She was real funny. Yeah. Very funny. Cap City's a good club.

We're going to Austin in a couple of weeks. Shut up. Nobody cares. Stop whistling. Not cap City though. They won't use me. I could tell you 10 clubs. They won't use me right on the back. I can tell you. I can tell you. Look at my schedule. All the clubs that I do. I mean, I'm booked back. I could tell you dates. It's just don't use me. I know. You know why? Do you know why? Because I'm too funny. That's not why. It's not because you're funny. I am funny, but it's not because of that either. It's because I don't hang out with them and drink with them. That's not true. I don't drink with all those clubs.

And I could be an asshole bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more.

I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more.

I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being a little bit more. I'm being them comedy clubs anymore. What are you going to call them? Export star clubs. Guys from a. I forget the name of the TV show.

The big bank theory. No stupid. She is a young woman. You're not a young woman. Okay, no, not a young woman. You call her a woman. Okay, no, no young woman. You call her morons. Onto Ron's what you're doing. Yeah.

Yeah, well, I actually found out why one club doesn't use you, which one I'm not telling you. Oh, I don't care. You will. I'm definitely not using me. I just don't get it. I don't know. They have a boss. Buzz calls me up on the road.

I'll be at a club and I'll be like, yeah, man, it's good. Well, they don't use me. It's immediately about him. It's immediately about boss. Never, never. I always call him right now. I will call fucking Bonnie right now. Oh, yeah, because you're a guy.

You're a team. No, you're a team. It's actually your wife. You're literally a team. Under God at the state of fucking New Jersey. She's a double agent Um, you have a girlfriend? Uh, yes, you do Why don't you tuck? Yeah, yeah, she's coming over. I mean once we get her paperwork

You know things are really looking good. She has a chin dick. She does. Yeah, she uses it on me Very calm. Where is she from? All right, Connecticut. Wow. Yeah, you don't know. Well, if you ever got down on the girl, I've never met with her.

Have you ever gone down on the girl and her click got stuck with that tooth? Yeah, it's been actually kind of nice. It's been an aid to my pussy eating. Wow. You can literally tell me on my ass. It's the... He likes typosies.

He likes German mustard. You like German mustard? Yeah. Have you ever licked a balloon knot? Bobby's asshole has limbs. Yeah. Get a south of a bottle of octopus. Oh my God, you're so funny.

What's your spirit? What's that? So that does help on your girl. She likes it. Is that why you're not getting it fixed? No, I'm getting it fixed. I'm going to Baltimore and getting it fixed. Why are you going for it?

Why are you going to? There's a million dentures around here that can do. I know that it's a big one. It's the biggest, the most important tooth. I don't know. I don't know. I trust that to do it. I have friends. I have a family discount. That tooth was dead. I remember that tooth. It was a fucking dead tooth.

You killed that tooth in your teens. Yeah. Yeah. How you going to get an implant? Yeah, I'm going to get an implant. No, they're going to fucking. No was a follic dead tooth. Yeah, you killed that tooth in your teens. Yeah. Yeah. How you going to get an implant? Yeah, I'm going to get an implant. No, they're going to fucking you. No, sometimes I'll play the new.

No, sometimes I'll play the apple hologram tooth. Yeah, he can change colors. Give me a really white. We got it. Okay. You're right. All right.

Turn that joke into an hour. That joke. Bobby, you special hologram. You could put it. Wow. I'm going to talk about it too far. I didn't take it too far. Why do you have to keep dragging it?

I'm sitting like Jack Benning now. So I have a thought they could put in. You look like Jack Benning. Okay. Where they could take it in and out. Sure know, yeah, I lost a retainer. I Lost it. Yeah, that's what you want. You're fucking 20s a retainer. Mm-hmm hang on say You're in your 20s. I just turned 30 I'm so lucky. Yeah, no, I just like you got that fucking disease. It makes you grow old fast

Right the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. Great joke. You don't know the disease. Make the audience do all the work. Yeah. So, Jerry, guys, go Google this joke. So, Jerry, right?

So, Jerry, thank you, Mike. He's just panicking on saying it from the outside. I don't want to spit on everybody. It's so sad. Yeah. So sad. Yeah. So sad. They all look like they said lining. He said lining.

That kid is headlining the improv. He says there's a radio show at Sam. Oh, man. Oh, my God. She's so old, man. Oh, that's sad. It is a sad thing. Yeah, I mean, look at what we complain about and then look at this

It's just I may have beat the happiest person on the planet. I know It's probably an excruciating life He shuts his door and there's a mirror on the back of it He could pick someone's pocket There's a mirror on the back of it. It doesn't matter. He can fit in someone's pocket. No, he's just a sweet, sweet, sweet. Shilling a light bulb, it's not. Oh man, what are we doing? What are we doing?

Why are we doing this? Why are we doing this? He's on the left to take it. Oh shit. Oh god, what are you taking it off of? Go back here. We got more I don't Get

I That's my After my show You did good I wasn't happy with that one joke you did Oh, is that Gary con this is that's Keith Robinson Special What who's happy oh you sure oh

What's happy? Oh, you're sure. Oh, Jesus. I thought that was Jesus. Stop doing it. So you got a girlfriend that's good. Where does she live? Yeah, you can I have the address? No, I just find the bus terminal. How long you've been dating her? It's pretty recent. Comic. Is she a comic? Yeah, she's in the arts. What do you mean? What is that? I don't know. I'm just gonna talk about it. Why would I rather not talk about it? I fucking talked about everything. I know that was your prerogative. We could talk about my asshole if that's what you like. Okay. She's finger your asshole. She is not. No.

I did get a surprise before we were dating. I got a surprise finger in the ass. Oh, really? From someone else? Yes. So she doesn't do anything. You're in the house. Huh?

Yeah. You're getting it. It's one of these people on the screen. Yeah. And it fell off. Are you in love? Jeez. What's going on here?

I'm in. Let's talk about those kids dying. I have those fire losers. Is she Greek? She's not Greek. You want a butter finger? Yeah. All right, what do you got, buddy? I got. We are doing, we're doing a...

Oh my goodness. I don't have any dates on the on the look how look how cute it's when you lose weight. Thank you. Well, you know, just also now, but I mean a little way. I heard you're really funny. Thank you. I don't think I've ever seen that stand up. I heard you're really funny. I appreciate the almost complement rich. Thank you. Why doesn't yeah, you know, I know. I just never see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard good things about things. Yeah, we're doing, we're headlining the uh, psych.

Classic. Got me with the psych. I'm bringing that back. I'd rather watch one of those baby old guy faces to a TED talk. Anyways, it's hard living like this, but I guess you're a day of time. I just realized that I'm still lovable. We represent the lollypop guild, the lollypop guild, the lollypop guild. We represent the lollypop guild. We welcome you to my dream land!

Who rang that bell? Well, bust my buttons! That's a horse of a different color! Oh my God, it's Italian dressing! It's... Remember my dad used to call me the blueberry girl. What the fuck was a blueberry girl? On that movie.

Oh, that's a truck effect, girl. Oh, shit. God, I'm so damaged. I, it's almost like the cast right here. Yeah. Yeah. You have the little fucking TV douchebag kids. Open the door.

Yeah. What if the girl, the blueberry girl? Yeah, the fucking twatty little, uh, I want a numbo numbo tassel. I want a numbo numbo dad. No. You're in Bon Jovi. You're in Bon Jovi. I, I, John, some has a numbo numbo. I was in a show. I was a little bit like you. What movie is that?

The way the West was. Roots. Yeah. What movie was that. I'm really walking on the chalk effect. You never saw Willy Wonka? Oh boy. You've never seen that before.

You're not a fanatic. No, it's because my nut hurts. You make my nut hurt. I have to go on for it. Yeah, what do you got, babe? I'm in bridge port this weekend. Really brand room. Yeah, that's on the room. This new. No, it's a new room. It's a great room. Yeah, it's just factory. I the fucking room was great. Mike came with me. Fucking solid

room. I mean, don't don't go outside after the show. I know. I'm afraid. Is the hotel okay, the holiday. Ton, tunnel there. See if you can get a shovel. You know what, who is? Just going a garbage can. Skype your show from the hotel. Yeah, get a gun. I hope I get killed to be. I get it. Blow a cop and get a ride.

Okay. I'm not. It's a great room. You walk around with that dildo on your face. That's what you might new opener. You know that bitch. You got a dildo. What else you got? You got that room. What else? I get in the next weekend. I'm in Syracuse at the funny bone. I'm in Syracuse in a couple, uh, three weeks too. Great. You'll love that room. Yeah. Go.

I mean, really funny. Both of these people fucking hilarious. Go see them live, live, live, live, live, live, live, rich. What do you got? What's your website? JessicaCurston.com. There you go. Big things.

She this year. Big things for her and big things for you too. Sandwich size. Yeah. What do you got? Uh, yeah. What do you got? I got a, Gabby. What do you got? Yeah, what do you got? I got a, Gabby, what do you got? I got a system like kidney. I'll be at next week. I'll be at the MGM grand in Las Vegas. Then I'll be at the St. Louis funny bone. And I got to go to Voseroz.com.

I got a lot of fun. Just on book. Go to rich for stock. That's all you you do. Go see them live. We got a tour coming. The creeps with kids stores coming in the fall. Me, boss, Florentine and Bennington. Bennington. You guys have to go see that show. That is an incredible show. It's a really good show. And we're going to do stuff at the end too. We're actually going to fuck off at the end. Well, we did, we did Pennsylvania a couple of weeks ago from beginning to end. It was fucking killer. Great show. What do we did, uh, we did Pennsylvania, a couple of weeks. So from beginning to end, it was fucking killer. Great show. What do you got Mike? I was the best. These words, he really wasn't. I murdered at least. Little he murdered at the end. If he closed, he would have bombed. If he closed, he would have, they would have like,

what's the, uh,? And he's got energy. Ron has a shower. I'm a genius. Shut up. Take it. You shut up. I am. You don't hear me talk.

Can you have Gabby do you? At Mike V. Suarez on Instagram, he is opening up for Chris to Stefano. How do you get that? At a... At a... At a... At a... At did you get that? At a low Chris. What's that? San Antonio Lafayette loud. What day? Cool. When this is out.

Ready? When this is out already. Go Sam. Follow him. Go Sam. If you have he's with me some of the times too. So very funny. And he sounds he'll sound better. Yeah. Yeah. He's a victim to. Huh? D. I have a, uh, a lot of things get lodged. You what do you got? We have the fat black shirt. Oh, a lot of things. Get a lot of things.

What do you got? We have the fat black shirt. Oh, it's not live, never mind. Just go. I have a monthly show first Wednesday of every month at the way station in Brooklyn and you can follow me on Instagram at Gabby is. What's the name of the place?

The way station. Robert Kelly live on his stream. If you're not following me, you'll listen to the show. You're a loser, you should fucking get you on a test. I'm gonna test. What do you got, Mike? I'm at my cabrurcy on all social media and I got a podcast called a little time that you can listen to everywhere. I got a test. What do you got, Mike? I'm at my cabercy on all social media.

And I got a podcast called a little time that you can listen to everywhere. And he's on the show. My next monthly show. So cool. Awesome. Yeah. What do I got? Just go to robacadolive.com.

I am all over the place, right? Yeah. I'm in Syracuse. I'm in Syracuse. Where am I? Let me look at this real quick. I'm in. Let's read it.

Go ahead. Read it. Yeah. Palm Beach. Yeah. March 22nd. Aruba. I'm at Calgary. I'm coming up to see you. Then I'm going to Syracuse. I'm at the MGM in Springfield, mass. I'm at comics, Mohican. I'm fucking can't wait for that. West Niac, elevity. I mean, I'm all over the place. Come see me live. Mike, what do you, Chris? What do you got, Chris? Not that chini and also some media. I got a podcast with Becky, so you could go with that. He helped design these shirts. Yeah. Also, I quit my job. I'm a free agent. So if you got anything, well, Lister's one thing, you can pay me. I'll do it. Yeah, he did. I

mean, look at he made it. Yeah, he's amazing. So if you need anything, get in touch with him. Zach, what do you got? Zach, the new guy. I love it. We'll see you guys next week on You Know What The Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.