Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Fascinating | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #24

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss Ari Shaffir and Bobby’s trip to Cuba, the upcoming Yankee Swap, Joe List being excluded from Comics Come Home, Topps baseball cards, who is the best reader, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedyhttps://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/ SPONSORS HUEL get 15% off meal replacements with code “REGZ”  Small Batch Cigar https://www.smallbatchcigar.com/ (https://www.smallbatchcigar.com/) Code: REGZ for 10% off + 5% Rewards points Hexclad hexclad.com/regz for up to 42% off IPVanish Use promo code “REGZ” for an extra 10% off DraftKings Play $5 and get $50 casino credits instantly with code “REGZ” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? I'm Robert Kelly, Joe List, Dan Soda, Louis J. Gomez. We're back. It's the regs. We have a very special announcement we need to make right now though, right at the beginning of the show. We're going to be playing the Gramercy Theater for Christmas Show. December 11th. We're really doing it this time. It's the Yankee Swap. It's the best episode of the year. And you're right. It's going to be our fans this time. We did one Yankee Swap, it's the best episode of the year. And you're right, it's gonna be our fans this time.

We did one Yankee Swap live and it wasn't our fans. This time it's our fans, Gramercy Theater, December 11th. Go get your tickets, right now they're on sale. 7 p.m. is gonna sell out, so get them early. Don't wait until last minute. And if it doesn't sell out, you know, you can give those tickets a day off, okay? That's so funny.

Still try, try the day off, even if you... And then even if they're available the day after. I say, you know what, this is a great Christmas gift for that person who loves comedy in your life. They don't even got to be a fan of the regs. Just somebody who likes to laugh. That's everybody. And Grand Basin is a great place to see a live podcast. That's awesome. Especially the Yankee Swap. We have a very special huge guest showing Santa Claus Santa Claus I thought of a great Santa Claus Oh yeah Nika stop it

that's funny Santa Claus being black is infuriating really it's really making my it's really making my racist side come out right now let's get a light brown one for you fucking crazy dude good point Santa Claus is white I think Yamanaka would be a great Santa Claus I think so too she's hilarious Santa Claus white we could check all the boxes guys can I just get the fucking ticket get the tickets but can I say it's not gonna be Yamanika it's gonna be someone way more famous that you're gonna be excited about try to sell tickets it's not gonna be Yamanika The person that I asked that they might be interested in doing it. And

they're way more exciting and bigger than you know, no offense. That would be a hilarious Christmas. Can we get Trump? Let's get Trump. Merry Christmas. Hey, Trump will do any podcast. Hey, I don't like that. Lewis guy. Hey, Merry Christmas. You were bad. Anyways, it's going to be fucking go. It's Patrice. We have Patrice. He didn't die. Hey, Merry Christmas. You were bad. Anyways, it's gonna be fucking go Patrice We have Patrice. He didn't die Zombie Patrice's dude zombie Patrice would be fucking sick. Yeah be weird Never the reaction in a zombie movie is that's weird You know what he He'd be thin

Can we just go straight to Cuba talk? Do you know when he died? He had a beard Really when he was in the hospital was he had a full beard. What was her name? Yamanika. Yeah, it was um, it was weird to see him with facial hair Really like yeah, like he had been asleep for 20 years. I was asleep for 30 days. That's a lot So he can grow a beard quick. Yeah, I'd like to hear about Kubo and here's why why I'm interested I love you. We missed you. We want to know but also I don't want to hear your subtle little illusions Yeah, get it out. Get it. I agree the whole episode. Oh, that reminds me of ham sandwich pressed

with cheese and there's a little bit of cheese. It's a pickles. There's ham, there's pulled pork, there's some pickles, some mustard, dude. And off air. It's called a cubana, dude. Off air, I was like, how is Cuba? And he ignored me and I know it's because you got,

you don't want to fucking waste any of it off air. So just get into it. Oh, you brought the juice back, dude. Tell us about Cuba. No, you brought the juice back. No, Wally, Wally, habla de eso. about Cuba. No, you brought the juice back. No, Kuale hablá de eso. We're all jealous. We're all excited to hear.

Bobby just literally looked up how to say that. It wasn't even like he could reference a thing that he really said in the past week. You just didn't think I could do. The cigars, the storm. What happened? Anything happen? How many cigars did you have?

A lot. A lot. But cigars, they're not there's no deals What do you mean? When you go to the store, it's 25 bucks for a fight I thought I was gonna go and come back with a thousand cigars. Yeah, like when you go get cigarettes in the south Yeah, yeah, it's not it's no deals unless you buy them from some dude in the in his apartment and It's terrifying and they're not real.

They're like fake Cubans, or they haven't been taken care of. It was, there was no cigar mecca in Cuba, which I thought. There is an El Dorado, they just didn't show it to you. Yeah, maybe they knew you were a Blanco Diablo, cigarado, and they didn't want to bring you into the real place.

White Devil. You're a tourist? Yeah, you and Ari or like all right fucking Ari got whacked with 20 minutes into Cuba. He was murdered we were in This is what I mean what is the Cuban mafia killed him No, we We wound up at some dude's apartment like 20 minutes in the Cuba and they were just robbing Ari of his fucking Canadian dollars that they didn't want. Wait, what?

Yeah, dude. Some lady. How did you guys, well first off, let's start this. How did you get to the place? We took a cab. We took one of those fuckin' 1953 fuckin' Really? Like Mr. Miyagi gave you a car?

Yeah, dude. Some guy picked us up at the airport. The place we stayed set up transportation. So some guy was waiting for us. And he picked us up, brought us to the place, we dropped our bags and just started walking. Which is crazy. Walking?

Like my new pot from Hexaglad? You're sort of walking. Tie that thing, it tied around your neck. I'm trying to make jokes. I don't even get it. Trying to make jokes, folks. I had to do math on it. I thought maybe like a Christopher walking.

Walking Phoenix. Walking Phoenix. I walked. I did one of these and went, walking. I don't think, wait, you just dropped your bag. There's just a guy waiting for you? At the airport. He's like, hey, are you the B?

They had our names, Robert and Avi. Avi? Avi, they couldn't say Ari. Ari's a wanderer too, so he just goes by. Dude, Ari is, he was walking around like he was in the Grove in California, looking at people's houses. Walking with Ari through the ghetto of Cuba

was the most terrifying thing, because he is a tourist. He's just, what's that? Like, he knows how to speak Spanish a little bit, so he's trying to engage. Were they having it or not having it? They were having it. Un poquito.

Un poquito. Un poquito. Un poquito. Un poquito. No, they have. They're just coming out there like, look, look, it's a Jew. Look, dame la agua. A half shaved Jew. They're just coming out there like, look at you, look,

Damila Agua, I have shaved you. No, they're just trying to get money out of you the whole time, they need money. So they walk up to you, some lady walked up, she's like, hey, and I was like, I saw you at the airport, I was picking up my aunt, and I'm a small talk Barbie, so I was like, really, what's your aunt's name? She was at the airport, so as she's talking and she's,

all of a sudden you realize she's not leaving and she's just trying to get you to give her money. And she's like, you want cigars? And I'm like, I love cigars. Bobby's under a Cuban fucking spell. Yeah. Next thing I know I've moved down there. I divorced Dawn.

She, she was just talking and talking and talking. And then there's the festival. There's a festival. Well, one day a month where when you, all the Cuban people get to sell things and get to keep it, and the government lets them keep the money they make. No taxes? It's all bullshit.

It's a festival every day. The same people. The festival of f**ks, where Bobby and Ari, who are falling for this scam every day. It's like, dude, every day's a festival every day the same people festival of Bobby and Ari who are falling for this scam every day Their stuff we're helping out the government Bobby is a little literal fish Festival so we were like, alright, let's go to the festival and she just brought us down this side street into this guy's house. Why did you go in? That's how Skankfest started, by the way.

And then all of a sudden, I don't know how we got there. We're just in this guy's house. And he's got a table, a shitty table, with four shitty boxes of cohibas on the table. And I look to the left left and there's a moped and a dirty bed and then Ari's trying to negotiate, but it's like crazy, the, you know, I think it's like 300 pesos for one dollar.

So he's trying to do the math. I look over. In Spanish? In Spanish. And then I look in the corner and there's just a voodoo setup. There's just a doll, a burnt doll with chicken bones and like a shrine and I'm just like you go you try and tell me Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball. If you don't give me the power I say you should have said. It was a hundred percent job. Yeah. A hundred percent job. So I.

So funny. Just to randomly do that. If you're standing with some Cuban guys. So go, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh. It goes, Oh, may your leak. I love it. My brother is a casual for the Marlins. I just left them.

I walked out and was in the street while he was just getting ripped off Ten cigars for a hundred and thirty Canadian dollars, which is nuts. It's just nuts. It's fourteen dollars a cigar. That's not a box. It's terrible because the cigars were real There was shit it was just shit, but I didn't have the ability. I just wanted to save myself. Yeah using stories bomb losing I just wanted to save myself from using... Sorry, the story's bombing. Losing moment. It's interesting, can't it be interesting? Can we just be interesting for a minute?

He's a dickhead. Yeah, I'm fascinated by the fact that you're standing outside a guy's house while Ari is negotiating in Spanish with Canadian money. I was in Cayman last year and I bought, I thought they were Cubans and they were the best price ever and I was like, oh, that must be the price for Cubans down here and as soon as I picked them up,

it was so light, it was like, oh that must be the price for Cubans down here. And as soon as I picked them up, it was so light. I was like, it was like fluff in there. And then I found an actual place with actual Cubans and they were like 40 bucks a stick. And I was like, ah. We found. Yeah, that's what they cost. We wanna walk into the Pardigus factory,

but it's through the ghetto. So we're just walking. If you look at a map of Havana, there's a yellow part for tourists. It's either Havana or Havana. Havana. No, Havana. No, it's Havana. No, Bah. Havana. Bah. Havana. Right? Havana.

I'm racist. I hate these people. The V's not a V, dude. Ask Google. I'm racist. Havana. I hate these people. It's Havana. The V is not a V, it's a B. It's Havana. Well, whatever. Probably. When you were walking through the ghetto where there were just like a bunch of children around you grabbing anything and you were walking like this.

There was a lot of kids that would just grab you and come up and go, uno, dos, tres. And you just say, I would just, no. But Ari likes to talk. He's pretentious. No, he's not. He just likes to talk. He didn't have his ability to say no yet. So we were walking.

It's so bad. There's shit, there's literal shit everywhere. That's awesome. It was pretty... Ari was performing. That's what happened. It was pretty well. I mean Ari was performing. That's what happened Was doing a bit in the street and then we wound up at the HP upman factory and they had a

Legitimate cigar like so it's oh, that's cool. So you're outside and it's just it's like Dilapidated fucked up, but then you go in this door and it's like the 1950s. We all just let it get away with dilapidated. We all just moved on. What'd he say? It's dilapidated. Isn't it duh? It starts with D. Yeah, dilapidated.

He said dilapidated. Dilapidated? He said dilapidated. I'm still stuck on Habana or Havana. Is it dilapidated? It's tated. Dilapidated. Is it dilapidated or dilapidated? I think it's dilapidated. So now you don't thinkapidated. Is it dilapidated? Or dilapidated?

I think it's dilapidated. So now you don't think? No, I thought it was. Now I'm feeling stupid. You dilapidated a lot of women. It's dilapidated. Dilapidated? Idiot, fools!

Idiot, fool! That's what I said. How do you say Havana? Ha ha ha! How do you say Havana in Spanish? I say dilapidated. How do you say Havana in English? Hab say it dilapidated. How do you say Havana in English? Havana.

Havana. Havana. Havana. La Bamba. Havana. You can play it right there. Yeah, play it. Hit play.

Banana. Va. Vava. Vaca. All right, so what else? Give me a good part of the story. Shut up. I'm not going to...

I don't want to tell you. I'll save it. You're being rude. What am I doing? Dude! Anything that doesn't fucking have anything, you're fucking, dude, it fucking stinks. We're just warming up. We have one, we have one 10 minutes. I'm on death's doorstep.

I've been sick as fuck for like three days. You're sick a lot, you were sick last time. You had just gotten over a cold. Really? Yeah, pull up the tape. You had just gotten over a cold, you were coughing. I don't know, this is kicking the shit out of me. I had a four day cold. Whatever this is, I had to fly up to Toronto and back,

and when you're flying sick, and your ears get like, hhunk, like just full like that. What do they get like? Hunk. One more time. Hunk, back to Habana. Ah. Ben, I don't like your sound effects,

that's a Joe thing, you do voices. Don't do this. So how was his ears? Hump, Habana. Joe's Habana. That's a Joe thing you do voices So what how was his ears? He's sound effect guy your voice guy Bobby's boring story guy I'm the guy who shits on the stories. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Let the story be interesting. It's gone. It's interesting. He's gone. He's gone.

He's really gone. Now, let me tell you what really happened. Bobby didn't go to Cuba. Bobby is part of the CIA. Bobby went to a storytelling course and he's taking this really hard now. Hey, guys, real quick. As we're getting into this holiday season, I gotta say right now, I've become the family chef.

I'm making my turkey on Christmas, I'm making a pot roast. You're doing a turkey on Christmas? I'm doing a turkey on Thanksgiving, and then a pot roast on Christmas. Christmas turkey's standard. Christmas turkey is standard. Dan, I understand that your grandma and your mom

and your brother are dead, but you know what? In my family, my family will have a little butterball turkey right on. You forgot his sister. Jesus. Yeah, brother. I wish I had a brother. I wouldn't be here. Yeah, brother. I'm not alive. I'm going to be such a queer. Your whole family's dead too. What are you talking about? Tell me about how you're doing it, Louis. Well, I'll tell you right now, the biggest difference is going to be my high-end

performance stainless steel cookware from Hexclad. It's nonstick. It is truly the the best it's not even bullshit don't even listen to me go right now online and get reviews for hex clad kitchenware it will blow you away Burke Chrysler gave me a pan during the tour he had like in the gift bag for their thing and I've used it like non-stop I didn't get a hex pan I have a second I was in a tour either I have a second pan well can I have one no why you can have a little pop. I wasn't on the tour either. I have a second pan. Well can I have one? No. Why? You can have the little pot they gave me. Fuck you dude, give me a pan. I'm not promoting this. Yeah, your special got panned.

Got him. Because I was smoking a little pot. So look, for a very limited time you could shop Hexclad's biggest sale of the year and save up to 42%. Just go to hexclad.com slash regs for the best deals of the year. This is a great Christmas gift, great holiday gift for those people in your family. Their six piece set is a perfect starter bundle to enjoy the incredible versatility of their products and it's six of their most popular pots and pans with accompanying lids that can handle all of your holiday cooking needs. I'll tell you

right now guys this is it. Bobby you're a big cook, you love to cook. I don't cook. I'm a man. My wife cooks. Oh, I'm sorry. I barbecue. He's a trad husband. But I would cook if I had hands. You would cook if you had Hexclad clads. Yeah, I would love to give Don a pan for Christmas. How misogynistic is that? Hey, Merry Christmas. Cook me some shit.

I love that. Go to hexclad.com slash regs, with a Z, R-E-G-Z, to get the best deals of the year. Truly the best gift you can get. That woman in your life, or that man in your life, if you're gay like Joe, that's okay too. Hexclad.com slash regs with a Z. All right, where were we?

Oh, dude, my chest hurts. I'm telling you, you were sick last time. I wasn't sick last time. You had just gotten over a cold. Can I get a reading on that? I mean, granted, we haven't recorded in four months, but you had just gotten over a cold. You were still calm.

I wonder if I have AIDS. You got something. you got an autoimmune deficiency disorder it might be something cuz I am getting like Katie got the same sick in Florida is he just waiting around he didn't leave he has his stuff here still I know he didn't leave but the temperature I think it went from 80 to 60 so a lot of people are getting I don't know you travel it booked me that traveling sucked. Yeah.

Just laying in a hotel bed being like, oh. You sound sexy though. Talk about town hall. I canceled. I was supposed to go down to Tampa for a secret meeting. It is boring, Bob. Bobby. I like the story. I like the story too, but now that's it over here. Now that's my bit. Get over

here. Mr. Cuba. Fuck you bit. Um, we're over here. Cuban Bobby. I'm in Roth Tampa. Go. No, no, no, no. It's fine. I want to hear about Tampa. No, no, no. I didn't go to Tampa. Oh, I got sick. I got sick. Yeah. You got sick and I fucking bailed morning off the tickets. He went to the bathroom and wrote that down. Oh, come on sick. I fucking bailed would you look at the tickets hills? You went to the bathroom and wrote that down come on dude, come on really How do I love it? I'd leave you know, you funny Lewis would leave and then we all leave and it goes back He goes now. I'm just you guys are fucked. The show podcast is over There's just nothing in here it's like a boiler room there's this phones on the ground Son of a bitch. They actually did it. They're gonna show up one day. It's gonna be like

that scene in Blow. My knife is gonna be missing off the table. I'm ready to do the podcast. I'm all excited. It's like one more. One more, boys. How was town hall? Wait, you're shooting a special in Tampa? Yeah. That's exciting. Where are you shooting it? SideSplitters. Nice. I'm there this you shooting it? Side Splitters. I'm there

this weekend. I fucking love that room. I always think about shooting there and then I... I'm so glad that people don't play the improv down there anymore. The improv down there stinks. I opened for Mo Collins there. I was supposed to open for DePaulo and he got in a big fight with the club owner DePaulo of all people you can believe. Got in a fight with the guy from Side Splitters? No, no, no, the improv. This was years ago. And then he called and he's like, yeah, dude, I'm not doing the fucking improv, they fucking whatever. And I was like,

I had to call the club and be like, hey, can I still middle? I already, like, I don't, I can't just eat that plane ticket. So I went and it was Mo Collins from MADtv and it was her first headlining weekend ever. And a woman Did you blow her out of the water? I blew her no I did well and she did she did okay I think it was okay but a woman I made out

with a woman I like a what do you mean like an older woman an older woman yeah how much older her daughter was like hot she was talking about how funny I was nothing I'm gonna fuck this hot bitch so you went for the mother she's like this is my mother and the mother came up and was like you are adorable I just want to eat you up and basically assaulted me. She grabbed me with both hands and was like you're so cute. She looked at your mouth and she said I want that on my mouth. I guess I I guess you got me I made this up. Kissing you in front of the hot daughter? Yeah. Did you make it up? No I didn't make it up but I was trying to make it, yes, and his stupid bullshit. Yeah, the Louis J. Gomez rules of storytelling.

Yeah, stupid mistake, I'm good, you're bad. I need sensationalized material. Every minute, I need you to spice it up, Bobby. It's not just enough that you're walking through the ghetto in Havana, spicier. That's why. Guys, I'm sorry that I say things stink when I feel that. We can't because you'll get mad at us if we do. That's not true. Are you out of your fucking

mind? Are you pretending that I have a thin skin that I can't be told that I stink? My entire career. Why are you getting mad now? I just did a joke about you and you're screaming. That hurt my chest because I'm sick but you're here. You're literally screaming. I want I want to say things think if they are you fucking saying that I get mad But yes, you can smoke and fucking weed and resin 40 hours a day for 40 years. Your breath must be the just You're fucking bad at me now, let's go. You fucking pussies. Who fucking who? I'm getting the best out of you guys now by fucking telling you that you all stink.

Your mouth stinks, your story stinks, your cult stinks. Yeah, well your ass stinks and your fucking hat sucks. My hat's pretty good. Your hat sucks. My act's getting better. Your hat sucks. He said my act's getting better. My cult does stink.

Anyways, I woke up, I made out with an old lady in front of her daughter. You know what, my story wasn't that good. I was getting to the hurricane part. Dude, hurricane. You should have opened up. Blackout. Dude if you were to open up with hurricane I would have been like what a great story. Hurricane blackout and no water. What blackout? You blacked out? Three days. You fell off the wagon? You wouldn't have blacked out if you drank some water. It's good. We had no lights, hurricane, and no water for three days. That's so fun. It was fucking terrifying. What the fuck did you do? Was it hot?

Was it all hot and sweaty? Yeah, it was hot. Yeah, it was all fucked up for two days. I feel like I already duped you. Who would think that was going to be a good idea? No, no, no. We didn't know there was a hurricane coming. We didn't know the fucking city shut down.

Well, you know, they are saying that they can control the weather, so. The Jews? With the Jew lasers? Oh, what? Excuse me? Oh, I met guys from Maryland. So what?

Let me take that bomb, baby. That was terrible. Thank you. When did the hurricane hit? Two days in. How many days do you there? It was supposed to be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Six.

Six days, two days of not, it just shut the city, the whole country shut down. I mean, the police, we were on the beach and some dude with like a fucking general badge came up to us and was like, get the fuck off. Like you can't be out. He's like, come this way. I have to take you to a festival. Do you want to buy some cigars at my festival? It's a police festival today. Police badges, half price.

Once I'm out the policy, I'll get a festival from the gopher, man. We came all the way down. Yeah, you gave me all your money. Hey, I'll get off the beach. Now give me your money. The police stopped my car. Remember? Police stopped my car. Yeah. Yeah.

The police stopped my car. Yeah. Hey, I'll get off the beach. Now give me your money. The police stopped my car. Remember? Police stopped my car. Yeah. The police stopped my car and took my money. Yeah, something like that. And went to a bar.

I want to wish you a good- That guy's son is a comedian, Andrew Rivers. That's Bob Rivers, I think. Right? Or maybe it's not. We did go to, the first night we went to Havana Club. It might not be him. Which is where they have all that fucking Havana.

The Havana Cluve. Cluve? Cluve. Were you guys wearing the P's or V's? Jean Cluve. Were you guys wearing like old 50's suits? No, we got the shirts on the last night though.

The cigar shirts. Just to make sure you didn't look like tourists. Ari got fucked up. He got shit faced, and he started dancing, and he went up on stage with all the fucking Cuban people. It was pretty wild, he's fun to hang with, because he doesn't give a fuck.

But when the lights went out, it ruined everything. It fucked up everything. We were by candlelight in this casa, the home. Hanging out with the other people in the casa, the home. Hanging out with the other people in the casa. This is what's going on. Colin. Your story is great, if we were by candlelight. Thank you.

You got saved by a fucking bomb. You got saved by a fucking coward. Holy shit. He's laughing at how bad the bomb was. No, it wasn't, he loved it. We've been doing this podcast a long time. The person laughing how bad the bomb is does not any laugh in the room Danny Danny Danny that was me. Yeah, of course were you laughing? Were you laughing at the joke or were you laughing at the bomb pulling his thumbs on us?

What do you know? I was laughing at the joke. Thank you Keep that bum Dana chest bitch. Why would Danny count to for anything? Well, you actually get into a big he's autistic. So he does count everything. We got no we got no we're gonna couple little one but one big one a fight an argument. We got no an argument. Whose fault was it? Tell us about it. I think it was mine. Please. Can we be the judge? Well, the lights are out. We're on the roof. We're telling him a story and he pointed it out and then it became a whole thing. Come on. Come on. I'm done. I'm not going to. No,

I love this. I'm not going to tell it. Let the kitty. All right, you're right. Let the kitty. Hey, stick breath. Let that story go. My breath is dead. It's awful. I can tell. That was possible. Look at my teeth. Stop baring your teeth at Joe. Yeah. Yeah.

Lewis is getting aggressive. So the lights go out. You're on the roof. This is crazy. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr You don't sit there and just fucking I'm not gonna use it that word, but I'm gonna use the other word Alright so why you're telling you know, we'll do Noises and zings voices and you start a festival Is doing what he's doing by the way every day in Cuba's a festival. So CD Trump suit is doing what he's doing by the way every day in Cuba's a festival. So CD

Skank fest Cuba to the back alley. It's just Bobby Cigar guy and Bobby The the lights are out you're on the roof. We're on the roof light cities. Oh, yeah. It's the argument No, we're no argument didn't happen yet, but we're on the roof smoking cigars Can't go on the street illegal to be on the street at night because there's no lights. Can I ask? Yeah, you're on the roof. Is it the weather horrible right now or what's happening? It's already passed. Oh, it's passed It's passed. It's still cloudy and shit But all the shit on the roof is gone. There's only chairs now when we showed up

Does your body just reset on you while you were talking? Show his own his own body wanted this story to stop. I'm done, I'm done. Oh, I want to hear the story. No, no. His brain is like, I'm fucking pulling the handbrake, dude. I'm holding the handbrake. I'm shutting the throat.

No more words up this fucking tube. No, little words. Bobby just fish tailed the story. Anytime you tell the story, anything with Lewis is bad. Yeah. If you would tell him, he'd be like, Bobby just fish tailed the story. Anytime you tell a story, anything with Lewis is bad. If you would tell him, he'd be like, really? He'd be doing voices with you? That's not true.

If Dan was telling a story, I'd be like, Dan, get to the voices. You want to hear a fucking Dan opinion? Yeah, fuck that. Have you ever heard of Dan opinion? What's in your life? I'd go, you'd be wafting to me in my story. Imagine Dan gave opinions. He does, right after someone else gives theirs.

He says mine too. There you go. It's called a pivot. Come on, I want to hear it. We're on the roof. We're on the roof. No lights. And then something, a big explosion happened.

Oh, it's a UFO story. No, no, no, no. God damn it. A fucking orange light went up. It looked like somebody was shooting rockets in the distance and then just heard, drrr, drrr, drrr. Joe? It was Joe that showed up to do fun voices.

Yeah. More, more. More of a. Artie goes, you hear a call, Joe. Joe's here. Oh, I guess Joe's just gonna come. Oh, Joe? It's more of a, it's more of a,

like a machine gun. That's it,'s it. Faster. Like an up to date one. That's it. That is a car tire being taken off. Yeah, what are you at, a NASCAR race? In the distance we heard this car tire. And then, I'm car tired of this story. So me, Ari and the guy who owns the place is sitting up there. The guy's all freaked out because he saw this explosion.

And then all the lights in our area just came back on all at once. Everybody just goes nuts. It's been two and a half days of nothing. And woo! Jesus Christo! It's fucking insane how exciting, we were like, what the fuck? We have power, the ACs were kicking on, everything was,

you're talking about episode seven of Penguin. Thank you. Good show though. It was a great show. All right, we'll wait till episode seven when the power goes back on, you'll be like, that was good. Good reference.

I, fuck it, spoiler. Um, so me and Ari immediately, like, we're going out. Fuck it, we're going out. So we get all our clothes on, we hit the streets. Wait, you were naked on the roof? No, no, no. We were in shorts. So we stop kissing.

We pull up our pants. Ha ha ha. We get dressed. We start walking. We see like people are walking this way. So we kind of follow. I just keep thinking Christopher walking every time he say walking. We walk up the street.

Everyone's doing walking. Well, he's huge in Cuba. Senor, Senor, I want to tell you. They're all doing what they're doing is shitty. He's trying to do a Cuban doing... Walking? Walking. Hola! Mi nombre es walking.

I'm very sick right now. Anyways, so we start walking. We come up to this beautiful square, church, all that shit we get. There's a place playing music. There's an Italian restaurant next to it. Everybody's having a blast. I go, this is great. Let's sit down. We'll smoke a cigar. We'll get a little food. He's like, nah, vibe's not right. Oh, he said this. I go, what? He goes, vibes not right. I don't think this argument's your fault. He goes, I don't like disco. They're playing like disco music. I go, who cares? Let's just sit down and hang out. We just had no power. We couldn't leave the place for two days. Let's just fucking chill. Look at. We just had no power. We couldn't leave the place for two days.

Let's just fucking chill. Look at all these people. That's where we find out Bobby loves disco. And then we're sitting there and he's like, nah, the vibe's not right. And I go, all right, my rule with this whole vacation was I'm just gonna go with Ari. I'm not gonna say no.

I'm not gonna be afraid. I'm just gonna go. That's how he got naked on that roof. And- I love what you're doing with Lewis right now. It's perfect. So he's ignoring me. I'm not going to be afraid. I'm just going to go. Whatever the fuck he wants. That's how he got naked on that roof. And uh. I love what you're doing with Louis right now. It's perfect. So he's ignoring me. I'm not ignoring you.

No, you are and it's perfect and it's wonderful. Please keep doing it. So we start walking. But then we realize like five minutes in that the lights aren't on the whole city. It's just the area we were in. Oh shit. So now we're in complete darkness.

Can't see your hand in front of your face walking through the hood. And we're trying to get to this bar that Hemingway went to that's far away. Every fucking city I go to is another city where that was Hemingway's last drink. Hemington? Who's Hemington?

You guys got it. Gary Hemington? I know Gary Hemington from Boston. Nah, fuck you, he saved me. It was a bomb. Gary Hemmington? No, it was a bomb. If you say a joke and no one laughs, it's a bomb, is it not? If somebody helps you out, it's a scene. Yours didn't get a laugh.

Gary Hemmington didn't get a laugh either. He planted a seed, I took it. Did you laugh at Joe's? Danny, did you laugh at Joe's? Danny Hemmington? Gary, Gary Hemmington is not the punchline. It's the seed for something if you had let it go we would have had Dan doing it What is Gary Hampton sound like I said the Boston feature Dan takes over and goes hey, what's up? It's Gary Finnington Does he sound like a sick person? Hey, she drinks some water

Sounds like he needs to fucking step it up a little bit Dan needs a blue ice pack on his head One of those rubber fuckin' So we were walking and I'm like, now I'm like fuckin' I'm legitimately scared Cause it's late, there's no electricity You're short We're too far I have a quick question

You can't defend yourself I'm short I'm sitting there and I'm like, dude, this is fucked up music No, we're fine. We're fine. And then all of a sudden we're too far to go back And this is all those just go to a bar that Hemingway went This is they started the margarita there or some shit whatever every bar you every city I go to for home of the margarita salad margarita I go to for home of the margarita salad margarita they Line pine places that I've went to like that invented key lime pie is crazy. He's like there's a margarita villain

Is this real quick if I may how did you walk? So far without realizing there was no power because there was power and then as you're walking We didn't realize that it it's out until it was kind of too late, but then I was like, fuck it, let's just go. And then we got to the point where you- You didn't realize when you were walking towards pitch black darkness? We thought it would come, turn on, turn on, turn on. So then I was-

Yeah, now dude, we're gonna hit it, it's gonna turn on, nothing. So even he, at one point, I turned into fucking, let's just get there. Fucking survival Boston. I don't want to fucking out anybody who fucked with us. I'm going to fucking fight my way out of. Yeah. Ari's just still getting mad. You know, and then he was like, you know, we can go back. And I was like, no, we're closer to the place than we are back. Wait, he gave up right before you got there. Kind of. He didn't really know where we were.

He was like, oh, I don't like the vibes of this darkness. Oh, let's go back. Turns out all these dogs walking around the street and all these gangs with knives. No. Not good, not good vibes. So then we got to the, we got to this park that was, even during the day, it was scary. Now it's, there's no lights. We have to walk through it and there's people everywhere. You can hear them, but not see them. And it's in the language of the trees. What are they hiding in the trees? No, it's just like you heard, you know. Skorodadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadad I'm a Jew money. I'm a bot-faced Jew gringo. Louis wouldn't recognize the word kill.

So we finally make it to the square and the hotels all have lights because they have generators. So some guy walks up to fucking to Ari is like hey amigo and he starts talking where you from that's their thing where you from and you go to New York. Oh well I grew up in Maryland but then I lived in Los Angeles for a long time. Amazing races! Is your Rogan as nice as he seems? So he starts talking to this guy I'm like I'm not talking to any of these fucking people. I just want to get to the safety of the lights of this hotel. And he's talking to, I left him.

I just left. I was like, fuck it. I'm out. I'm, I'm terrified. Did you storm away like an angry girlfriend? I was pretty mad dude, because I was, I was like, this is stupid. We're at a place. We just went through two shit days.

We could have just stayed there. I'm building a case up in my head. You know, I love disco. They had Donna Summerthorne. I do love disco. I was vibing. Not the Bee Gees were there. Well, this is like all about the, what vibe are you,

we're in a third world country. Yeah, always on ayahuasca. You don't realize. He goes, that explosion was God breaking through our dimensions. So we finally get to the hotel. I'm like, dude, what the fuck, man? We were at the place.

We shouldn't have... He goes, I said go back. I go, yeah, but you said go back. So we start fighting. They have a cigar lounge upstairs. We go up to the cigar lounge in this fancy hotel. You guys are still fighting? And we're kind of arguing at this point.

But then we get up there. It's like Peter Griffin and the giant chicken. Just all over the place. So there's no AC in this place. We're just sweating. And fighting, sweating, and fighting, and smoking. You know Ari, he likes to argue. He doesn't want to give up an inch. I'm mad.

So I'm trying not to give up. I'm like, dude, what the fuck are we doing? And then he's like, buddy, This is bullshit. This isn't fun We'll just go back and I go just give me five minutes of not arguing to calm the fuck down I just get in this mode when I get scared I get into fuck you mode. You're a puffer fish I just get back to being Fucking mode of fucking fuck off. Yeah, Bobby turns into that dinosaur from Jurassic Park He's more like that dinosaur screen partner though. Oh, yeah Newman. Oh, yeah

So perfect joke bombed. I mean It was a perfect joke I know but it's funny cuz I'm calling you Wayne Knight I know you know his name is fucking annoying I watched Jurassic Park last night for the first time in maybe a decade doesn't hold up that great if he asked me It's pretty good. I mean considering what there was a first CGI movie ever. It's pretty incredible I agree pretty damn cool. So we get I just just let me fucking chill It's pretty good. I mean considering what that was a first CGI movie ever. It's pretty incredible I agree pretty damn cool. So we get I just I just let me fucking chill

So he's like, all right, he finally, you know, ah, he's good. Like, all right, so we chill out and I explained to him Listen bro This situation scares the fuck out of me when I get here. I turn into fuck off I just want to go the fuck home. I don't I got a kid I got a wife I have shit to lose Yeah, my brain gets into protective mode in the streets of and you're sitting there talking to this fucking guy about the Yankees Which is bullshit the Yankees they can't believe they lost the Bobby's like can we go now? And it's from Maryland for God's sake you've a safe like the penalty for I'm listening and he's from Maryland for God's sake you've a safe like the the penalty for

Fucking somebody up you go to jail for like ten years the tourism is huge there So they're not gonna hurt you they will rob you and take your money, but you're not gonna get stabbed or shot It's just not gonna happen and he knows that I don't fucking know that but anyways, we're like alright We're just gonna go back. We'll just go back, but we have to walk through the darkness again So we have to I through the darkness again. So we have to, I go- Don't we always, brother? We have to make- You never walk alone. That's always, sorry. We make a plan.

We look at the map. We're going down the street. Are we gonna hear the same story in reverse now? Oh my, I'm going like this. Oh, the ending was them on the roof with no electricity. The explosion, loops it all together. I think it's a wonderful story. I'm like, what?

What? What? This is Gernardowski shit. We gotta walk from the hotel back to our place. Sure. And it's just dark. And, but you can see a little light at the, way at the end of the street was a church which had lights.

So it's like, you can see this little light, but you're in darkness So we walk all the way back metaphorical you must it is the glory of God And we finally get back to a street our neighborhood with lights we go back to the original place Disco tech no playing all the kids go back to the airport we fly the disco back to the airport we fly back to the airport we fly back to the airport first I'm not doing enough now I'm doing too much then that was a perfect joke it was a perfect joke when ace Ventura did it what's up nice so we get back to the original place cuba music, everybody's hanging out. He's like, this is the vibe.

I'm like, fuck. Did it go like this? Perfect. Yeah, yes, basically. Fuck that. I'd be so mad. I was fine. Well, whatever.

We wound up smoking, hanging out. It was a great night. It was fucking awesome. The next day, we went to the beach. It was a great vacation. We had a lot of fucking crazy. I just feel like you and Ari aren't the right vibe.

No, we're great. Like a vacation. No, we're great. We had a great, we did a great. But you and I would be great on vacation together. No, because we'd be too scared. We'd wind up fighting somebody. I need Ari to, you need the other person to calm you down.

Ari is braver than me? No, he's not, he doesn't get angry. Like, he doesn't get scared of that shit. What are you talking about? If me and you were walking through the darkness, first person that came out who said, Ola, we'd fucking beat the fuck out of them. Ola! Ola, and we'd be like, get the fuck away!

No, I travel, I travel to third world countries all the time. I deal with the locals. That's where I get all my seasonings from. Yeah, no, no, I, uh, no, I'm, I'm, I would have the locals. Because you have to visit your relatives. What? That's where I get all my seasonings from. Yeah, no, no. I, no, I'm, I'm, I would have no issue. The second that Bobby said you- I just wouldn't go to Cuba.

Bobby said you were afraid. I saw Louis getting so mad. But he turns his anger into quietness now. He's learned to control his rage. I travel all the time. No, I'd be a good travel partner for you. Ari's too free will, like, he's like, oh, hey, look, there's somebody lives in a tree house over there. We're gonna stay with him for three days. Like what? Like, no, he does. That's too much. You and I, we like the same stuff. We would go to, we want to go to the same restaurant. We would be like, no, we don't want to go to a bar and hang out with people. Cause neither of us like to do that. You're just letting Ari in the way, I need you in the horse shit. That's what I wanted to do. I wanted to do shit I wouldn't have done if I was by myself or with somebody. I would have just stayed in this area.

We ventured out into fucked up, we went to the hotel from The Godfather 2, Hotel Nacional, where they went to Cuba. We walked there, it was fucking nuts walking there through the village. Crazy, and then when we got up there, it was amazing. It was crazy to be in the same place you know, that you've seen in movies.

And we smoked a Cuban, they had a beautiful cigar lounge there. Did you bring them back? Did you bring Cubans back? No. Nice. Ari got all his taken. Really?

Yeah, because he's, you're supposed to check it. He put it in his carry-on. And they fucking did a random search and they took all his shit. How many Cubans did he get taken from? Ten, fifteen. That sucks. That sucked.

If you put them in your bag and checked it, then maybe you'd get some home. Maybe. Maybe you'd have them in your humidor. Maybe you'd have them in your humidor right now. I don't need that because I use Small Batch. Nice. And go to that ad. Alright gentlemen, let's take a quick moment to thank Small Batch Cigar for being a long time supporter of the show. We love Small Batch Cigar. We love Small Batch. The best, truly the best sponsor who takes care of us collectively

as a whole. Wouldn't change anything. Wouldn't change a thing. Well, I mean. I'd like a cigar. Joe, Joe, hold on, men are talking right now. We're having a conversation. Real deal guys who love a cigar. Lewis breaks open a cigar and pulls out the tobacco to put weed in. That's what he does. It is the most expensive. I gotta be honest with you, it's not the best use for small batch cigars, but when you're in a pinch,

if you need a blunt, small batch cigar gets covered. It's awful. They're simple, fast, small batch, free shipping on every order, almost every order delivers. Con, CONUS. It's in two or three days. What the fuck does that mean? Bobby, just stop reading the copy. Don't do it! I'm not in the mood for you today. C-O-N-U-S. Being, it's the continental United States, Bobby. CONUS means that? Instead of... Help me, don't hurt me. Fine, I won't hurt you, but can I just say...

I'm blowing away. I didn't say, I know what that means. I said... I'm gonna help you. Help me. I'm blowing away. Stop reading the copy. I didn't say I know what that means I said I'm gonna help you. Help me. I'm blowing away. Stop reading the copy. I didn't know that either. Stop reading the copy. Yes. Be Bobby. Check it out. Fuck. Yeah dude. It's in two or three fucking days you cocksuckers. People beat a pack. Which are awesome. People don't know what those are. It makes any Ziploc into a fucking. Don't even look. Into a human. Talk from the heart. How do you feel about cigars? I feel amazing about it. How do you feel about the cigars from someonewithacigar.com, honestly?

First of all, the selection is amazing. How did you feel when you got your package in the mail? I was blown away because of the packaging is amazing. It comes, all the cigars are cracked, they're healthy, they're beautiful, ready to smoke out of the bag. See how much better this is when you're not reading it off the goddamn copy? I helped you. Thank you very much. Until the end of the year. They really got the best

selection. You don't have to go to your local cigar shop, which honestly that stuff is sitting in the back of a warehouse before it even gets there. Half the time they're all cracked and they're all dry. It's terrible. They got everything out covered. It comes in small batches. They give you a Bavita pack. It's you get 5% rewards. What's the best part about it? What's the best? They got it. If you want it, they got it. They got you covered. It comes right to your door and until the end of the year, okay? Uh every person who's

using our code is gonna get entered into a raffle for $150 gift card. What? Entries end December 31st at midnight and the winner will be randomly selected on the 2nd of January Which is such a big deal. We're gonna give you 10% off We're gonna give you 5% rewards points. All you got to do is use the promo code regs You're gonna get 10% off those 5% rewards points and get entered in that raffle Make sure you use that promo code regs to get your rewards points. Yeah, make sure you check out state by state It's different on this this little this little like they're doing but make sure you check out state by state. It's different on this little,

this little math that they're doing. So make sure you check it out. Read the copy, make sure your state is legit for this. But it's an awesome offer. 150 bucks, cigars, fresh, back to the show. Back in. No, but this, Cuban cigars are great. They're fucking awesome.

They really are great. But isn't it, that's what I always hear now is that like Nicaragua, same shit. Whoa, whoa, easy, Joe. They figured it out. What the fuck did you just say? All the blenders from Cuba left and went to Nicaragua. Whoa, shit.

Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump. The fun part is we didn't know who won the election until Saturday. Oh, you guys came home to it? We didn't know, we have one. It wasn't on a TV? They didn't have TV. I don't believe it.

I don't believe it either. Stop it. I swear to God. Nonsense. 100%. You didn't check we didn't we have wasn't on a TV 100% I believe every I believe every part of the story up until now. I know your wife didn't say He didn't even go to Cuba. I didn't tell I told Don I don't want to know she doesn't give a fuck either And we didn't we didn't talk to people for three days and your phone doesn't work in Cuba your credit cards don't work Nothing works. So you had have to take cash on you? You have to take cash. Phone and credit cards don't work. My heaven. I liked it.

Yeah, you have to take cash. It's the only thing they let you use. You cannot use your credit cards. They're useless. Your phone is useless. You can get on Wi-Fi, but we didn't have Wi-Fi. So we didn't check anything. Nobody gives a fuck about anything there.

The last day when we were leaving, the owner of the place was like, you know who won? Because he was trying to tell us. Yeah, he wanted to tell you the whole time. He wanted to tell us the whole time. I listened on the radio at night. We were like, shut the fuck up. Anybody who brought it up, we were like, shut the fuck up.

So we didn't know. What's up? I'm just signaling to them to turn it off. No, you guys can just, you're in the middle of a sentence. I don't need to. So, yeah, it was crazy. Nothing. We didn't know shit.

That's pretty fascinating that the week of the election it didn't even get down there. We didn't have, I mean it got down, but nobody gave a fuck. These people are fucked. Dan saying something is fascinating made me anger than I've ever been in my entire life. That's not true at all. Fuck you, Dan.

Why? Fuck you. Why would something being fascinated make you angry? Ugh angry why can't he be fascinated let him like Dan being fat I don't like that the inside of your brain always has to be so fucking oh fucking your brain always gonna sit here and support each other's boring stories. This is crazy. I like the story. You fucking motherfucker.

What happened to your finger? Oh, that? On your new pan? Yeah. Is that a wart? It's a burn. Is that from a girl? Yeah, what'd you do?

Finger your sister? No, I burnt myself while I was cooking chicken thighs. Fucking Greece fascinating. The story sounds like a lie because of the chicken. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. What'd you do? Finger your sister? No, I burnt myself while I was cooking chicken thighs Fucking Greece story sounds like a lie because of the pace you're telling On my Did you murder someone I? Was at home at 820 p.m. No, I burnt my finger on chicken thighs. You weren't drying your nails. Come on, dude Somebody with pink nails fuck off you can't I know and I thought that would be the last one I'd have to deal with Yeah, you guys use the same lady

You know, we're pretty excited for next Monday's You opened up the door to the haunted house. Uh-oh, spookyville's about to come to an end. No, a lady doesn't do them. I do them myself, which we're debating, which is gayer. I mean, you going like this. You being on the phone going, I don't know. I just feel like Dave might run for might run for Congress someday, but.

That's like a thousand times gay. Do it for yourself as a thousand times gay. A thousand times gay. Really? If you had a sit going to get them done in a place. You sitting home while James is practicing. What about, what if my, what if my. James is doing good.

What if my niece's time is on camera. What should we have for dinner tonight? Chicken thighs. If you're. She wants to cook chicken thighs. If you're a boy while he was fucking you in the ass, it would be less gay than doing your own thing. I don't know. I didn't see that car in the neighborhood before. What do you guys want for lunch?

By the way, you guys are doing it the male straight way. This is the gay way. That was the old test. Remember that? Yeah, listen, look at your nails. If you didn't like that, you're gay. If you don't like that, you're a man. Yeah, exactly. But if you're blowing them dry, I blow my, I blow my nails dry like this. I think we should wrap it up. Jesus. Dan, is it time?

I don't do that no more. I'm trolling. I don't do that no more. My fucking chest hurts. Am I dying? You were that's this exact way last recording. You don't know. Max just had that thing for a month.

Yeah, he still got it. There was a cold that went around that just lasts. Okay, you should have took an antibiotic. You are right. I was sick because I asked about it. I go a cold that went around that just lasts. You should have took an antibiotic. You are right. I was sick because I asked about it. Should I go to a place and get an antibiotic? You should go and see a doctor and then get an antibiotic. You should just go get an antibiotic.

Yeah. But you should get something. It's probably kill, whack. Just cut to a scene and fly into Cuba for antibiotics. I'm in a guy's house. No, these cigars. I'm here for the Antibiotic Festival. Yeah, you would not like, you wouldn't be able

to go to Cuba. You'd be able to go. Why wouldn't I be able to go? Because you have to. They don't like voices. When you take a shit, you have to wipe your ass and throw it in the barrel. You can't flush the toilet.

You can't flush it? I would, those are animals, that whole culture, we should nuke that country. Why? You shit in a toilet and then you can't flush it? You have to shit and flush it, but you can't put the sewer. Yeah, you can't. can't put the paper in the barrel. Yeah so sharing a bathroom with Ari. What if I brought flushable wipes with me? It has word flushable in the title. You go can you read English?

You stupid fuck. It says flushable. Kleenex would lie. Yeah I trust Kleenex over fucking Cuba any day of the week. Yeah, your notebook is flushable. What's this? What are you coming at me for Joe? You came at me! Who wants to kiss you? You stupid bum! You just stepped inside of a haunted mansion. Joe, you just knocked on the door of a dead man's house.

Psst. In the back. Come here. Come in. What's this? You rave. This is snacks. Look at Bobby subtly trying to let us know in every way that he went to Cuba.

Oh, this old thing. No, I got that on the subway. Hey, you guys want to see my two-scene fastball? It's just got movement on it, dude. Oh, yeah. No, I just always leave dry orange Cuba snacks on the cover. Hey, you guys wanna see my two-seam fastball? It's just got movement on it, dude. Oh yeah, no, I just always leave dry orange Cuba snacks on the floor. I like your pronunciation. Cuba.

Cuba, habana? Are these, are they like onion ring type things? No, they're oranges, they're dried oranges. No, they're not. No, it's onion ring, yeah, try one. It's not onion, he's tricking you. Is this the fat that was removed from your body? What is this?

A year ago, Bobby's doctor goes, we're doing fascinating things with the fat removal. Bobby backs up and has us eat his fat? Is that the ultimate brain? This is my merch. That's awesome. Take a piece of me with you. Speaking of merch, look at this shit. This is fascinating.

Isn't that awesome? What's up with fascinating today? What is going on with our... Call the episode, please call the episode. Please call the episode. What is gonna merge? Look at this shit. This is fascinating. Yeah. Isn't that awesome? Alan. What's up with fascinating today? What's going on with our... Call the episode fascinating. Please call the episode fascinating. Chill with the fascinating word. We need to call this episode. This episode stinks if we're going to start using the word fascinating.

Call this episode fascinating or I will fucking leave the show. Fascinating featuring Shane Gillis, Tim Dillon, and Joe Rogan. And Alan and Gunter. And Alan and Gunter. In a world. These are top cards. Yeah. Tops.

Tops, they made a tops card of me. Not our bottoms. Joe liked that one. Are these my cards? No, it's not of you. That's like a collection. Where's the ones of me? They mailed them to you today.

You're getting them tomorrow. Oh, great. Let's look at these, because the other ones might be in here. Your cards could be in there if we open them. That's what I'm saying. Should we open them? They're probably in there.

You open it. You open yours. I'm giving that the max. I'm giving mine to my kid. What do you think about that? He's gonna eat them. Yeah, you might eat yours. You okay? You doing all right? Um, Hey bud, little side stories. Lewis didn't get a baseball card this year. I didn't get

a baseball card. I asked, I asked hops. Hey, what's that box? Cause I already took my box. Is that Dan's box? They tag them also tag, tag the Kamala Harris campaign and Beyonce. It's Kamala. And by the way, what's that going to do? She got, she got a host there. That's like an empty warehouse. That's what Trump's campaign does. The black people, they host them. Um, no, I was trying to get a card. I was pushing for you. That's why you get me in trouble. I'm kidding. I don't care. Then no, I was pushing too. Don't, don't jump on. I pushed, pushed I pushed don't jump in on my shoved. I pushed why don't we open? How do we open your box open your box?

Guys, are we gonna just open boxes of cards on the yeah, that's very big That what you do in your pocket. We just end. Yeah an episode open open. Let's do it Do we want we should check and see who's is selling for more on eBay. Why are you doing that? That's what I said, he pitched this off air and I said, why is everything gonna be a competition? They love conflict, they push conflict. They want conflict.

Like we're not just fucking hanging out. Yeah, if it bleeds, it leads, I guess. But yeah, I'm interested in doing that. Since I can't, but I can be talked into that. I can take a look real quick on that. Louis looks so upset. Louis, you little girl, you okay? Damn, dude. He's not knocking at the haunted house. He's kicking the door. I want to put my head on this guy wants

a piece of fucking looking at the ring light. He goes outside. You fucking button. Dan, open your box. Can I open your box. Stop telling me to open the box. Can I open your box? Open the box. Open the box. Open your mouth, you fucking maniac. All right. All right, let's go.

Let's go. I don't know how to open it. How funny it would be if there was a Lewis. That'd be the greatest thing ever. Chester, it's open. All Lewis. I don't know how to open it. I don't have nails.

Come here. Use your teeth. Sorry. That was good. Thanks. All right, let's take a quick moment to thank IPVanish for supporting today's show. We your teeth. Sorry. That was good. Thanks. All right. Let's take a quick moment to thank IPVanish for supporting today's show. We love IPVanish.

Look, the reality is every fucking type of store and every type of company on the internet, they're trying to get your information. They're trying to get your data. They're certain. We go on the road so much. How often do you go on the road? You try to jerk off some pornography and you can't even get in because you're in some weird backwoods.

Back to back cities. Texas, Houston, in Salt Lake City Yeah, dude, it's a nightmare. It's a nightmare Well, guess what IP vanish has you covered damn if you want to beat your meat guess what IP vanish is gonna be holding Your balls while you stroke your keck. You know when you're out of the country, maybe I should go with the copy You can't use Netflix. You can't use Amazon because they know you're in another country Yeah, and you put this on and all of a sudden you all your shit works. That's the best That's the best has reminded us that he went out of the country on every single ad read.

I've been out of the country for the last month. Bobby, were you out of the country recently? I was in Cuba and I was in Canada and I couldn't use any of my shit. Your real IP address disappears. You cannot be tracked online. It ensures fast, unrestricted internet. You don't have to worry about online sensors. And if you're on public Wi-Fi, they can prevent you from hackers as well. Hackers try to get

your shit. If you go to public wifi at a Starbucks, there's going to be some little fucking dweeb with a foot with like purple hair, swipe to the side. It looks like Paco kind of guess what? He's trying to steal your data, dude. You're gonna let him see your data. No, I don't think so. You're going to go to IP a self-defense class. What would you do? And you go, stop them? I went on a blind date at one time. So go to ipvanish.com. They have different packages with affordable pricing. And if you use promo code and you use regs,

R-E-G-Z, they'll give you an extra 10% off. This is the time to sign up with our discount and their current promotional offerings. You can get a VPN for 85% off of their usual offering. That's insane. So right now, they're paying you to jerk off the porn right now. That sounds like a scam. You gotta go to ipvanish.com and start protecting yourself

online. Lewis is on the phone. You're looking at your minecuff. You're looking at your grinder, Lewis. Yeah. Lewis, can you open that for him? Use your knife. I got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it.

Oh, this is exciting. Okay, here we go. Allen and Ginter 2024. You guys say things while this is happening. Whoa. Whoa. This is very nice. Isn't this a big one?

So what is this? You open the cards. It's not like a thing. You got one oversized box loader. That's what I am. My cock is a box loader. Yeah, it is. I load it with gum. My cock is a box loader. Yeah it is. I load it with gum.

Fucking you thick cut. Let's see who this is. This is very exciting. Oh it's Mookie Betts. Can I have this? That's my number one guy. Even though he's on the Dodgers now? I still love Mookie. Wow, look at that. Is that worth money? I'll trade you whatever my guy is for this guy. Could have been a Red Sox though, his whole career.

Is that a good card? Like can you make money off of these cards? I have no idea. I don't think selling... Probably not. From what I've heard is you have to go through a huge process to sell cards in any way that it's like profitable. Should we all open one? Sure. Lou, what's the matter? He took his headphones off? No, no, no. It's all good. This is great. I love this. This is a great bit where we're unboxing cards. Well, if you said things that were funny during this bit of us just simply unboxing cards on a majority audio podcast. Yes. It's pretty sick. You could say that looks like the guy from the thing. I'm sorry to be on board with you and I do this on my podcast,

but at least we film it. We only put it out. Alan and Ginter. Look at this. Wow. Look at this is a dog named pineapple. I, you know, a dog named pineapple has a card and Lewis doesn't. That's fucking bullshit. That's bullshit. That's bullshit. Great. To the bubble gum. I'm sure that dog barked the N word at one point in his life. Come on, open a bag. Lewis, I want you to open a bag. Come on. It'll be fun. All right, who is this? Guys, can we have a conversation about anything? Are we literally talking about unboxing cards? Can I tell you right now, I'm very sick. It's awful. It's a bad podcast.

You stopped talking. Talk. I'm very sick and I'm watching you get angry and angry. I was going to start talking. I'm watching you get angry and angry. I'm watching them read the backs of cards. It's just the most retarded thing I've ever heard. Guys, I have a Steve Jobs tattoo. Let's make fun of it, please. Where did you get that? This is a George Rubello.

Another dog. No! A dog named Bean. Two dogs. Two dogs have cards. You know when your family members open boring gifts in front of you? Like pies and socks? I'm trying.

You want to do plugs and then move on to more conversation where it can be funny? We can have a conversation while I'm opening the card. Let's do some plugs. Oh look at this, it's Daley! What's his name? John Daley the big fat golfer. Yeah! That's funny. That's really funny. Huge dick. Is that a whale that

has a card Lewis where you gonna be at it's a tiny dolphin this dolphin has a car flipper really fun watching Bobby and Joe enjoy this so much coming down What the fuck? You want us to get that? No. Just watching. These two have- Pineapple and bean, the three dogs. Why do dogs have cards?

They're from the Westminster Kennel Club, Sean. Oh, okay. That's fun. This Mookie Betts is, that's going right at the top of my asshole. That's beautiful. I'm going to be, where am I? When is this coming out? Wednesday.

Wednesday, punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. I'm in Wichita, Kansas, and then I'm gonna go to, I think Arkansas, right? Wichita. Where in Arkansas? Wichita at the Temple Live, and then Arkansas, I'm gonna be at the Sphinx Club Friday and Saturday night. Please buy tickets to that one, because that is gonna be a dud if you, if somebody shows

up. Fascinating. And then Dojo Comedy November 22nd. Love that place. 23rd, November 22nd, 23rd with Danny. I'm gonna be there three shows, one Friday, two Saturday. And then the Gramercy with the boys on December 11th. And then I'm gonna be at the Beacon in New York December 13th

Kansas City Kansas City I'm gonna be back at the Comedy Club of Kansas City January 23rd not not the Beacon Beacon, New York Beacon, New York. That's what I said the Beacon New York town Cry theater cafe town crap. What is it? I can't read it Danny I can't see it either. Okay. Whatever. Go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly for my special kill boxes up there and of course all my dates. Just go there to see me live. What do you got? Who's next? I'll go next. My Punch Up is not, it's not updated. I was just. They just came out with a new app for Punch Up 2 which is awesome because now you can send out emails to states and towns

right from your phone. Yeah, it's the best, I did it today. San Diego, December 5th through the 7th, American Comedy Co., never been there before, I'm very excited. It's great. Come on out to that. Kansas City, Missouri, that's a make-up day,

that's January 17th through the 18th, and I'm in Montreal also in January, I January I think the first time in a long time So look get into that it's gonna be fun going up the Canadians game April 19th the big one the real comics come home Joe list From Massachusetts come home. I don't need the goddamn fleet center What are you don't need TD God? I don't need that shit. Oh god. That was such a crazy show Well, let's talk about the fucking Wil shit. I'll be at the Wilbur. That was such a crazy show. Well, let's talk about the fucking Wilbur. I'll be at the Wilbur.

We sold 500 tickets in the first week, so that one's gonna sell out. That was very exciting. Yeah, that's awesome. Go get those tickets, and I have three specials on YouTube. How many? Go watch them, and I got another one coming.

It's in the can. And yes, December 11th, for the love of Christ, get those tickets to the Gram. Yeah, I will be in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, at the Improv improv November 21st That's a good room through the 23rd and then December 6th I will be at the Vic in Chicago early show is sold out late show tickets available the 7th I'll be in Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Go get tickets dance order comm and then my final weekend of the year is the punchline in Sacramento. I will be there December 12th through the 14th. Dansoater.com for tickets. Please go watch my special on the road on YouTube and subscribe to my YouTube channel. I love you. Go to Lewisofskanks.com.

Come see me this weekend in Canada. I'll be in Toronto and Waterloo. Waterloo on Thursday, Toronto on Friday, Saturday. Then we got the regs at the Gramercy. Got Morris Plains, New Jersey in December, EMAs Pennsylvania in December, Austin, the Creek and Cave in December, and then New Year's Eve

with the Legion of Skanks in Morris Plains, New Jersey. Check out all my other pods. Lewis and Zach show Legion of Skanks in Story Wars, available everywhere you guys find podcasts. Where's my bean card? The other dog, can I have bean please? Here buddy. Do you think I'm dying of a head cold?

No. Good, maybe. There it is, maybe. There's that worry kicking in. You just have to go get some antibiotics. You're sick. You probably have COVID, did you get checked? If you have COVID, I'm gonna be furious.

Yeah, what? Yeah. What are you doing? Pineapple the Westminster Dog Show. Yeah, it just goes right back there. That's 1877, it's America's oldest organization dedicated to the sport of dogs. It hosts the iconic, well-read Westminster

Kettle Club dog show. That's interesting. That's fascinating. You do have nice lips. Is that not fascinating? That's fascinating. What's the matter? What do you want to talk about, Lewis? Whatever you guys want to talk about. What do you want to talk about?

What do you want to talk about? Continuously held sporting event in the U.S. and since 1948, the longest nationally televised dog show. Westminster. There's only one. This here's Bean. There's only one. This here is Bean. And this is, Samantha, can we get a close up of this? Pfft. How was Comics Come Home? It was fucking great.

What did he say about me? Did he say anything? Yeah, why do they have a beef with Joe List? They don't, I talked to him. I talked to him. When I said, you gotta get Joe List this year, he's like, we already booked it. I love Joe List. And definitely, I hear, we already booked it. I love Joe List.

And definitely, I hear you. I hear you. How does he love me? Because he knows you. Been doing the thing for 25 years. I'm a Boston comic. I didn't talk to Dennis. I talked to his son.

Dennis has no idea who you are. Boston comic. Comics come home. Yeah, I know. Comics, believe me. And you got New Yorkers up there. Well, they have Ronnie Chang. They had Sam, Sam Morell, both killed.

What's that Indian girl's name? Zana Gard. Zana Gard. Yeah, coming on home to Boston. She's from Dorchester. And of course, Burr. Burr went up. Nice.

I had to close it, which, fuck, it was stressful as shit. Yeah. Because when you're doing a show like that, you want somebody to kind of do good, but not, you know what I mean? Somebody to have that set. Not that you want them to do bad, but you don't want everybody to fucking murder. And Sam fucking murdered, Zana fucking murdered,

and Ronny Chang killed, and then Burr went up and fucking murdered, and I was like, fuck me. But it was great. You forget that it's a, you know, they're there for a benefit. But yeah, the whole show was fantastic. But I left right after, I was gone.

Were the Bruins there? Bruins, they had Celtics, they had everybody, Faye. These judges punching her. Red Sox, of course it was Paul Batch. Cam Neely hugged me, came up at the end of the set, They had everybody fail Cam nearly hugged me came up at the end of the set was I love you so much you fucking kill it all the time We see bass so so happy his wife was their son Everybody was there they had three parties though. They used to have just one big party, but now they separated So there's the fans VIP then this French black people party And then they had a camp special party

with all the famous people upstairs. I didn't go to the famous party. Because you were one of the people. And you weren't invited. No, my mom showed up. I had to go see my mom, my little brother, my uncle. So I had to go to the friends and family party. So I went there, hung out for a little bit, and I left.

That's sweet. Yeah. I should have went to the famous people party and told my family to be there. Fuck off? Yeah, I should have went to the famous people party and told my family to be there. Fuck off? Yeah, I should have went up there, but I didn't. Well, maybe next year. They got one more shot to get me and that's it.

What do you mean? They're gonna say no? That's right. I like that. So if they don't ask you next year, if they ask you the year after, you're gonna say no. Go through the lineups. Jared Freed has done it, Sam, he's got Yamanika,

they're not even from Boston. Yamanika? Yamanika. You mean? Sam or all these got Yamanika they're not even from Boston Yamanika you mean Santa Claus that's who's a better Santa Claus than Yamanika Tim Dillon is that who you talk to can we just fucking edit that out we'll get a good we'll get a good set we'll get a good Santa Claus you asked a question I answered answered. We're gonna make it a surprise, especially because Santa Claus, have them assuming it's somebody bigger than Yamanica, and then if it has to be Yamanica, then oh well. And we'll just bomb everyone out. So we'll preemptively bomb everyone out? Well, I mean, listen, we got Louis CK last year, and nobody knew. That was like three years ago. We didn't

set it up right. No. And we were all too intimidated by Louis at the time. I mean he was. I had already made a movie with him. Was it that you already did? Yeah. Yeah.

I already did. It was just an awkward situation. Well nobody knew it was Louis. And nobody knew who we were. Half did. Half did. Anyways, the Gramercy's gonna be awesome. Gramercy's gonna be.

December 11th, 7 p.m. A day. Lie. Get your tickets now because it's gonna sell awesome. December 11th, 7 p.m. A day of 11 implements. Get your tickets now, because it's gonna sell out. And the tickets are pretty cheap, ish. Right? What's the matter, Lou? What do you wanna talk about?

What's your topic? Do you wanna eat these banana skins? Don't eat those. I put one in my mouth, don't eat it. It's terrible. Really? Is that what those are? What is that?

It's like a onion ring. I'm not gonna eat it. I'm already on death's doorstep. I put it in my mouth and I shouldn't have. It was terrible, they're not good. They're old, they're very old. This is very satisfying. But I... It is, it's like ASMR.

Joe's doing ASMR videos while we're doing podcasts. Listen, can you hear this? No. At all, that makes zero noise. Oh! That was good, that was good. All right, well. Try to recreate that sound with your mouth.

I'll set it up again. Ooh, he is the fucking sound effect, the Foley guy. Oh, that's getting too small to rip. He does look like a guy, like an old timey sound effect guy that holds like a pan. He's walking down the street. He's like, oh, thunder. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. He's walking down the street. Oh thunder!

He's walking down the street. He looks like the kind of guy he's banging me like, this is John Isler, number one sound expert. Hey bring your horse. I broke my neck. He's got all these little whistles and gadgets. There he comes. Oh he showed up on a horse. I stepped on it. You yelled at it. He yelled at it. You yelled over it. You yelled over it. Oh, I'm breaking my neck. Quick, give me the Zisla. I got it. Slam the phone. Oh, it's wet.

I thought that was going to be crunchy. I put it in my mouth, that's why. Ew. What? You just soaked it in your mouth? I put it in my mouth and it spit it out. It was gross. I said it.

How was that? Not that one. That one's fine. What if you ate that and that cured? For the audio listeners, Bobby's talking about penises right now. Little tiny dildos we have around the studio that we put in our mouths. It's like, no, not that one, dude. Did you guys see the spreadsheet of all the Yankee swap gifts? I've given a dildo and lube every time.

Nobody saw it? What was the best Yankee swap gift? Easily. Deepu. Yeah, Deepu's bus ticket. It was a one-way bus ticket to Baltimore. Easily. Deep. Yeah. Deep. Who's bus ticket? It was a one way bus ticket. The Baltimore. You had to go that afternoon. Whatever, whatever the gift was that allowed me to put Gabby's panties in my mouth. Oh yeah. And you had him for a while. Yeah. I had him through two relationships until eventually my one of my girlfriends was like, who's panties are these? She goes, we have to get rid of your binky. I don't get rid of my big key. And if I'm lucky, I she'll wear them around for a week and then I get a new binky.

I had to convince my girlfriend that it was a teeth whitening. You stupid bitch, I'm gonna make my teeth bright white. I also had the wooden dick bottle opener that Lewis sucked. That's not that Lewis sucked. That's not what I sucked. Did you just pull that?

I just hurt myself. Did you just pull it, suck it on fake panties? I finally laughed in this podcast. That's not cool, dude. What? Not cool. I've had some pretty good ones. Oh.

You laugh all the time. Yeah, let's go back to the haunted house of your brain. Can we pick that one back up and look at it? Pretty good. How about the fight, remember Louis? With the porn star, the Spanish porn star? Oh my God, and everyone had to hold her back? That was crazy.

I think Tim Dillon was on that. But she was topless. Tim Dillon, aka Santa Claus. Violent to stop, like having a fake titty touch you when there's violence going on, and you're like, oh, that's weird. But she had a titty bar. A disgusting fucking creature, that pig.

Who was she? Mary Jean? I don't know, but we should have her as Santa now. Please, bring her as Santa Claus. Fucking actual gross fucking, ugh. Lainey, if you're listening. Yeah, oh God. Lainey heads up my producers all the time,

being like, do you want some other disgusting pig porn star to come on your show? And I'm like, literally no, never. Stop, ever. What is that? Who the fuck ever wants to listen to a porn star to come on your show and I'm like literally no never stop ever what is that who the fuck ever wants to listen to a porn star speak what is insanity what is that little X right there what is that what you have an X I got a tattoo what does it mean what is the sk mean? It's a skank mouth. It's a skank mouth. On your head? On my face, yeah.

Oh, I never noticed. You're gonna go full Post Malone and just start doing a bunch of face tats? No, but I will say that the face tattoo was my least painful tattoo. It made me go like, oh, that's why people get so many face tattoos. Cause you look the most badass

and it's the least painful. It's painful for them though. What? To do a face tattoo. To do a face, no, I don't think they mind it. They like it. They probably have to do a couple times where they go, are you sure?

He goes, oh yeah. No, they were excited about doing the face tattoo on me. Really? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It was at Skankfest. I just got this one done in Baltimore. What's that? That's a Mac Classic.

Yep. That says goodbye? It's a 1984. That was my computer in college. It used to say, well it said hello when it came on. But yeah. I actually, that was the first portable computer. That computer.

Tech talk, we'll bring it back. Tech talk. First portable computer. Came in a big bag, Targus bag. And I used to carry it around, and it was heavy as fuck. You should be a hacker by now. How didn't you learn all this? How do you know I'm not?

He's a hack. It was good. It was good. We cleared you know I'm not? He's a hack. It's good. It's good. We cleared it. I'm not going to help it. I thought of it, but I thought it was hurtful and inaccurate. We can trash, we could trash each other guys. We're being, can I say today everyone's being too kind, too nice. It's a little too like being, don't forget to say we had like three on you and you shut down for like twelve minutes. Yeah, you shut down. It was a lot of unfunny in a one period. We were really laughing. Sounds like you were laughing at how unfunny I thought it was. So read the backs of top cards. It was very funny.

The Westminster thing was funny. Yeah, your emotional disturbance was kind of funny. Also, Lewis, I could read the back of every single one of these cards. It would be funnier than the Cuba story. You said you liked the fucking Cuba story. I liked for how unfunny it was. Joe is a liar. Going back to this combo, I'm probably the most honest. I was asking around the scene, everyone was like,

oh my God, you're the most honest out of those four. You're not. Out of us four? Yeah, no question. Real ass dude is my nickname. Yeah, you gave yourself that. Damn it, his nickname is the truth. Yeah.

In fact, if you want some truth right now, they ask do you want a large or a medium? I said large, I got a medium. I'll take another coffee right now, Pop. Get the tea diva his drink. I'm not a diva, he said, would you like a large or a medium? Pack some medium this time. You texted me.

Look at this, large or medium. Can you give me a large comfy bed and some chicken noodle soup? This is what he said. This is what his text is ready. I'll I was like I'll take an iced coffee regular regular order Joe. I'll take a large thank you brief steep. Yeah, it's a running joke. I'll take a large thank you brief steep. Thanks. I said thanks. You guys didn't know what? thank yous anyone else in here But I'm not literally not doing his job. That's crazy Texts I say thank you imagine that see oh, thank you for speaking into your microphone. You got it

You're welcome. Hey fans at home. Thank you Joe for speaking into your microphone. You got it. You're welcome. Hey, fans at home. Oh, thank you, Joe, for speaking into your microphone. You're doing your job. I did two thank yous in one text. What are you doing? Thank you. You're welcome. I just wanted to thank you. Guys, I think this is pretty obvious.

This has been a good podcast. Lewis is just having a meltdown. Bobby writes. Lewis meltdowns are so emotionally un- Let me tell you right now, they're good for business. And business. You business. And business is good for business. Bobby writes reg order. Yeah, regular. I wrote thank you, thanks. I was gonna type regs order. Oh yeah. Now you want a medium? Yes, because I've already

had a medium and two mediums is bigger than a large. That's what they say about you and Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, I was literally talking to Dave and I'm like, I was like, yeah, see, we want to do like, who's most justified hitting a woman who's most just by saying the black, but N word. He's like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm was great. I was literally talking to Dave and I'm like, I was like, yeah, so we want to do like who's most justified hitting a woman who's most just saying the black, but N word. He's like, hold on a second. Elon's retweeting me. I gotta call you right back. I was like, what, what is happening right now? Yeah. Dave, that was a pretty good one.

You got on there. Can I come on Legion of Skanks? You guys got Elon Musk on Legion. He's like, there is there's's a path to Elon on Legion of Skanks. He goes, whoa, Jay, that's a pretty good black guy's voice. Thinking you can get him on? Was that Elon? Yeah, dude, he talks so funny. He makes me laugh every time he talks. USA! I just found out when he jumps in the, he had been jumping in the air at the rallies, what he was trying, do you know what he was trying to do? Catch balloons? No. Trying to make an X. He was trying to make an X with his body. It is psychotic.

Yeah. We should do that. We should do that at the. We should do that at the. What are you a fish? At the Gramercy at the end we should all try to, I'll do an R. You do an E.

E, G, Z and have Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Have Yama Nika just try to fucking jump in the air. So she gave her the job. Fine, she got the job. Nice. I like it. You wanna do one more rip?

Yeah, cause these ones are a little bit noisier. This is good. Danny, shut up. Wait, hold on. I can't rip. Do you need help ripping plastic? Danny gave us the dojo for New Year's Eve. What the fuck are you doing?

Danny. Second time. Oh yeah, he was supposed to be there. Danny was supposed to headline the dojo for New Year's Eve. What are you doing? Danny. Oh yeah, he was supposed to be there. Danny was supposed to headline the dojo for New Year's Eve and then Legion of Skanks wanted it. And then we've, I think. Danny Braff was gonna headline it. Yeah, and then the owner was like, hey, Danny is supposed to headline.

And then we had to do this whole game like we were pretending that Danny was giving it to us. He goes, well, Skanks, I guess you guys can have it. Can you just let me? Quiet on the set. Who's getting the Joe is? Bye, Joe. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, so Dave, you're gonna get Elon on legion of skanks? No, probably not. What is going on with the weird ASMR shit right now? Everyone's purposely trying to be extra

noisy with their fingers. He got me into it. Sounded good. That was good. Silent one? No, I heard it. Oh, it was wet. Like this. Oh, I just shit my pants. Guys. Oh, I can, oh. I can't smell, so I'm fine. Oh my God, dude. Oh shit. Oh my God.

Did you shit your pants? Oh my God. I think you shit. I might have just shit my pants. Can you go check? Go check, please. Please go check. Please check. If Lewis shit his pants, we have waited.

Take your phone to take a picture. We have waited 11 plus years for someone to finally poop their pants on this show. It's so hot. Can you turn the AC on for a couple minutes? Yeah, Dan A, or thanks Paco. Paco. Dude, I am so sick.

I need to lay down. You do, why would you come here? I was in bed up until like a half hour before the show then I forced myself to take a shower and come down here. I got sick bed up until like a half hour before the show that I'm forced myself to take a shower. Come down here. I got sick in Florida. We were at a wedding and then I had to, I came back here for town hall. Who's wedding? Uh, what a girl that Katie grew up with. And then I flew to Toronto after town hall, but I was sick. And when you fly sick and you go up, it fucking sucks sucks even sick for a few days. I've been sick since

Thursday we've already covered this Yeah, that's good. I'm just making sure you know, we're not all no, I'm not contagious. I wouldn't come here I would have canceled on you guys. Did you? Dammit Cuz I just made that up. Hey, Dan. What do you people say all the time? It's like yeah, dude I'm not gonna wait after the first day, but it feels like a made-up thing. I don't know It doesn't have a medical degree. Yeah I'm not gonna do it was after the first day, but it feels like a made-up thing. I don't know Yeah, well it is Bobby Kennedy jr. Hey Bob just once you uh, what you eat in the microphone now, I was coming back

Today's show is a little can I say it's a little disjointed. It's absolutely Tell you right now. I've got sick brain and I keep thinking I'm all fucked up and I'm like, why is this not? I mean, every time I think we've made a little bit of headway up two weeks, how many days is one contagious one? Two weeks. Contagious. Up to two weeks. You're still contagious. Well, yeah. Bob, take another bite before you say that again, please. You know what? You don't want to take two bites. I want to really make sure that I can't hear what you're saying. Yeah. If you could muffle that as much as you want,

I'm going to take two bites or one bite? Get the whole thing in there, I'd say. I'm really just trying to continue to make it. Little chubby bunny, huh? Like that. You want to start the Cuban story over now? I will, so you fly in. Think about it.

The light for us. There's no air put. And then there's five lines going into one line. It's crazy, you can't complain because they'll fly in. I gotta tell you, I'm all in on this pod. You one line. It's crazy. You can't complain I'm all in on this pod. You're right. I mean it you got to go with the love it This is the biggest show we all got true best show true. I agree Let's go great, but I should do the four hours a day cut it into two episodes. You're right of your fucking mind That's a much better. You guys didn't barely get through an hour and a half with being interesting I can podcast 24 hours. I'm the most podcaster on earth. Let's go with this.

Dan, I suggest this. Dan. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to talk. Bobby, you need more food in your mouth if you're going to suggest things. I want food in your mouth. Yeah. Something crunchy, preferably. Why don't we have Lewis do the first two hours and then we'll come in and we'll mix them I want a body cam on Lewis. What do you think you're gonna get me? Like I can't I could podcast for non-stop Never ending. This is what I do bitch. I'm a podcast You shut down during the baseball card You could have made jokes You could have made it better

You just said you could make anything funny I didn't say that at all You just made something up I did not say I can make anything funny. No, I didn't say that at all. You just made something up. I did not say I could make anything funny. I did not make baseball card openings funny. That's my job on my YouTube channel. Go check out Soder. If you want to do unboxings, I guess then fine.

Go to the Dan Soder show. You said I can make anything funny. You say I'm perfectly clean. That sucked. Yeah. Yeah. Shove it in my mouth. All right.

I'm glad that's right where it belongs. Wow. Joey, let me tell you something. You got an appetite for excitement? I know you do. That's what they call you. That's your nickname. Mr. Excitement.

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for additional terms and responsible gaming resources see casino draft kings.com slash get 50 ends November 24th 2024 games availability varies by jurisdiction okay I should just stayed in bed I'll take it over I'll take over the fucking leading I've been trying I thought know, we're having a, I thought it was going to be fantastic. No, no, no, no, it's fine. Let's just, can we start over? Danny, can you delete everything we just did?

And we'll just start fresh. No, that isn't it. And now, here's the next episode. No, no. It's perfect. Yeah. I'm saying. No.

That's an hour and 15 minute episode. Now here comes the next episode. Now we do two hours. We don't have to do Zoom, you fucking dumbhead. The next episode. First of all, you dick face. You wanted to do Zoom. Don't be an asshole.

I wanted to do Zoom so we didn't miss a week. And I want to do this so we don't have to do Zoom, you fucking dumbass. First of all, dick face. You wanted to do Zoom. Don't be an asshole. I wanted to do Zoom so we didn't miss a week. And I wanna do this so we don't miss a week. Dan, Mom and Dad are fighting. Oh dude, I'm just- This makes more sense. Yeah, I'm Dad and he's Mom. Whoa! We're both dads and we're gay.

Yeah, true that. Damn. My two dads. Joe, everyone that works on the show's gonna hate that they have to pick up all that that's not even that much we didn't even unbox all of them because I guess it wasn't great podcast haha again Soder

yeah is gonna be so sad inside why because this whole episode is about how stupid it is to open haha we talk about making fun of ourselves all the time I get it. Do you really open cards? Is that your thing on your show? Dude, homeless pimp at the end of my podcast, he was like, you should have people open those cards. And I was like, yeah. And then he's like, it's good for your algorithm

to put it out on Saturday, 10 minute episode. Wait, what? So it's not part of my podcast. It's something that's not on my YouTube channel. What is it? Hold on. So you open old school like cards, like basketball cards. Okay, so you do a bit that stinks,

but just not because you think it's great, but because it's good for your algorithm. You are a sellout, Dan. That's literally called being a fucking soul. So did I. I did comics come home 11,000. Yeah, I almost got invited to that. Uh, I did, uh, 64 people at the port. Those port people. That's an 80 cedar. Stay at the creepy hotel. Yeah, that's super haunted. Yeah. Did you jerk off? Yeah, I jerk off everywhere I go, but I jerked off once and then I was like, this is too hard.

I jerk off so much less. You know what? I jerked off in Cuba. Cuba? That was fun. With no lights? During the hurricane, yeah. Really?

When there's a storm happening? So perfect. What'd you think about? You? Really? Thought about you and your mouth. I have a bank. I have a little thing.

It's bank bank? Yeah, a little. You and Ari jerk off to banks? Ha ha! That's good. Where you going? Let's turn off the AC. That's what we need. Get it hotter. Adam Banks the kid from the first Mighty Ducks movie. Lewis is supposed to push the AC out the window. Watching him get freaked out. And Jordan almost just goes, I'm gonna shove it. He went for the shove. I saw him, he went boop, I didn't know where he went boop, then he went, I'm gonna fucking push it. Did you just, that was a great moment, Dan.

Nobody else saw it? Dan got an insight as to the spooky house. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Ah. Okay. It really is, Dan is the kid who knows all the information

about the spooky house on the block. Yeah, I got murdered up there. I went up there. Yeah. Ooh, you're gonna go to the spooky house on the block. Yeah, I got murdered up there. I went up there. Ooh, you're gonna go to the spooky house? Dan just watched literally what happens if I get frustrated. I had to stop myself from hitting things.

Do it. Do a boop boop. Dude, I did that with the supermarket the other day. I literally, I punched the screen at the self checkout. Did it work? Because they asked me to type in produce codes and I nearly had a meltdown because my sister was like, we should do self check. I was like, fine, let's do self check out.

And then it came to the point where it had like, Ways of bananas. I don't work at fucking shop right. Jenny, by the way, all you have to do is just look at the sticker and the codes right on. Oh, what's also funny is you said I almost had a meltdown, but then by your own All you have to do is just look at the sticker and the code's right on there. Oh! What's also funny is you said I almost had a meltdown, but then by your own accord you screamed

and punched the screen. That is an almost meltdown for me. Oh my God. Yeah, you know spice levels at restaurants where you go, how spicy is your spicy? And they go, it's fucking hot. It's two chilies. It's two chilies, that's it.

Yeah, it was only 300 Scoville units. Yeah, Lewis is four flames all the time. It's pretty fucking hot. Yeah, dude, I fucking, I cannot handle just fucking really anything in life. Just any inconvenience. Have you ever had a moment where you- I wanna travel to a third world country

with somebody who can't handle any inconvenience. Have you ever had a moment that you handle well and it surprises you, where you go, good job, Lewis. Nope. Every time you go, good job, Louis. Nope. Every time you go, I'm up to my old shenanigans. You do have that. Wherever you go, there you are.

With your kid. With your kid. I'm going to vroom, vroom, vroom here. Vroom, vroom. With your kid. Hello, old friend. With your kid, you have it. With my kid, I have it.

Your kid, you have weird self-control. Yeah, I try to be good. And I've had a few moments in front of him, but I try to not be a lunatic in front of him. But I fuck up sometimes. Yeah, but you control yourself. No, when I can't, no, like it'll be, shit'll go bad. If screaming and yelling has absolutely no impact,

good or bad, I will usually just kinda go, tssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss just kind of go, tssssssssssssssssssssss and shut down. Sometimes screaming will have a negative impact and that, I make a decision, I go, you know what, I'd rather something negative in my life than nothing. You'd rather just burn it. You want the feeling. Yes, yes.

Sometimes screaming will have a positive impact and you'll just scare a restaurant employee into bringing your food faster. That's fun. And that's also good too. Well, that's cool. You know what it is? Lewis is hitting the TV on the side.

He goes, sometimes it makes the TV worse. And sometimes the picture comes back. Fear is his superpower. Yeah. You're right, but that is actually a great way to put it is that I'm constantly stuck in the banging my hand into something to make it work phase. Yeah. I had a TV like that growing up. Like at the end, before I left for high school hand into something to make it work phase. You know, mentally.

I had a TV like that growing up. Like at the end, before I left for high school, you had to fucking suck it on the side. I had a TV where you literally were one person, their job was to touch the antenna, so it would give it signals, and then it'd just stand next to the TV while everyone else enjoyed television.

When you tried to do that with those old antennas, and you would let go, and then you would touch it and work, and you're like, zzz. Yeah, dude. And you have to sit there like this. So you want to open another pack? I know we're just having a relatable conversation with, you know, could go into some bits or whatever, but now you guys are just shut down. I was listening. I was enjoying the TV thing.

Bobby liked it so much that he decided to just observe. Bobby was thinking about the algorithm. He goes, that is a good idea, dude. Saturday's 10 minute episode, Tech Talk is back, dude. Dude, it's back, baby. I just bought a brand new TV last night. What'd you get? 85 inch.

What the fuck? Why? That's huge. It's big. That's big. How small is your dick that you need an 85 inch television? Six. Let me see. That's good. Let me see your cock right now. It's 85 inch television? Six. Let me see.

That's good. Let me see your cock right now. It's gonna take me a minute. Let me see it soft. Dude, by the way, I'm so, dude, soft dick, soft dick check right now. Nobody can fluff it up right now, go. Oh dude, I'm sick.

I was in the, it's crazy you said this. I was in the shower today going, damn I know I'm sick because my dick is a little pud. Let me see it. No, soft dick check. No dude, it's real bad today. When we pull up on the screen, does being sick make your dick small?

It's just like, you know when you get in the shower, usually you could knock it around and get a little hard dick check. You know what I'm talking about. I can't say. You shave? A little bit. Are you transitioning? Why are you showing us your dick?

Do you shave completely? Do you shave yourself? No, no, no, I use my, manscaped. Does being sick affect your penis size? Why is it a COVID thing cups up? Can COVID actually can make your penis smaller? About 15% complaining.

My penis is getting bigger with old age. It's hilarious. My penis has grown. It might be getting thinner. Yeah, if you get thinner, your penis gets bigger. I'm getting chubbier. No, but that's not it because I've been in good shape for, you know, I've gone, I've gone back and forth for 15 years My penis is literally bigger

now that I'm older or Tiny your pussy. It's not Or no, no, or I have accepted my penis size as being Better than I had always thought it was so it might have been a psychological thing. Yeah, you got the groove, dude You got your groove back your mojo okay my vibe I'm happy with my penis since I lost weight yeah oh was that great was that like a benefit that you knew was coming it was to see my dick again was pretty like my old friend to look down and see it so there was a weird more than you were seeing your own

yeah yeah what's up when you can't see it do you just like feel around for it like your keys and like a backpack yeah it was surrounded by just fat and then you'd be like and then when you lost your weight you're like sometimes you have to feel it with your mind you have to be like it's there yeah I'm peeing and peeing is believing. Oh, yeah. That's great. Take a laugh. Yeah, when you lose weight, you get a little, what is it like?

I think every 10 pounds you get a half inch back or something. That's not true. What are you talking about? Bobby, you literally have a nine inch stick then. I just, I just. Hey, hey, Ron Jeremy. You're going to be on the table. I'm going to tell you right now.

Every 10 pounds you get a half an inch. He's like, dude, look at my fucking roll of cookie, dude. I used to weigh 320 pounds. I currently weigh 220 pounds. So you're saying that I- Congratulations on your big dick, man. Five inches of dick has appeared. We got big dick.

You weighed 320? What year? When Beatrice was pregnant, I weighed that much. Oh, it's 30? One inch for every 30 to 50 pounds. That's also not true. Why is it not true? It says hand game. Hand game. It's just, it's nothing. One inch for every 30 to 50 pounds. That's also not true. Why is it not true? It says can gain.

It's just, it's nothing to do with penis. It's your fucking fat gunt is squeezing around the dick. Yes, that's exactly what it is. Yeah. I gained. And losing gunt meat is like one of the hardest areas to lose your fat. Bush fat is the worst.

It's the last fat to go. Yeah. You know what it is? That's based off of evolution. Bush fat party boys. You lose your fat around your arms and legs first because so you're able to move and be mobile and hunt and you keep your belly fat and your gut fat to protect your organs against other fucking creatures. That's why it's literally hard to lose stomach fat. To be able to gut.

Fascinating. That's a wrap. We gotta go. There's your episode. All right. That was a good way to close it out. Let's start episode two. Joe, stop it. Perfect sense. We finally got it back. Perfect sense. I'm fucking feeling good now. Here's the thing. Next week. Bobby's story really bummed me out in the beginning. We're just getting back to this now. First of all, don't let me for the story. The story, it's the thing next Bobby story really bummed me out in the beginning. We're just getting back to this New Guinea story the story it's up to you Same with the baseball cards. Here's the thing. It's up to you to make this day. We're making the story zing That's what we do you tell a story and you pop in bang. Exactly. You don't just shut the thing. But that was my zing. My zing was boring. Now you can do it to any story.

Tell a story about your, uh, the best story you've ever had. Your best story of your life right now. Tell it. I want to. Nope. Why? Come on. Tell it.

Go ahead. Tell it. It's too good a story. No, cause you're going to try to shut it down by saying it's boring. No, I'm not. We will. I would never do that. You wouldn't do that?

No. Okay. Go ahead. Okay. So anyway, okay. Okay. So anyway guys, yeah stormy night in Cuba Was it was dark. It was Cuba. There was a fucking Stanley Cuba I don't even know what happened to that story. I was just too busy thinking of moments They walk and it was a dark for a little while right again If you didn't think of my sick brain, I wasn't trying to find a Cuban accent again. I think they want to, uh, if you didn't think in my sick brain, I wasn't trying to find a Cuban accent and couldn't grab anything. Then they got a little mad at each other, but not really. And then they walked back to the dark and everything was fine. They

went to a place for a few minutes and walked back. For a couple of days it was raining. Holy shit. If I was at a bar, I wouldn't buy you another drink. Can we get the clips though to this story book? It was a hurricane. It was a fucking hurricane. I wish there was a story with it. Category three. And then you're like this, it was a huge hurricane. We were on top of the roof naked. I'm like, holy shit.

How did that end? No, that was after. Okay. What are you guys lieutenant Danning? That was after. All of the interesting parts of the story. He just went right over the hurricane. We heard nothing about it.

I told you about it. You can't tell a story. Yada yada yada.ada yada the power went down you can't tell a fucking story around you because you're always it's true fucking this sucks this suck you don't listen that's your thing you don't listen don't you just if it ain't fucking oh my god fucked up if you're not involved you'll just thanks. Let's move on and that's Advocate for one second. No Well, there you go. Well, I think we just solved that well

Well, then you could just hold on to that, okay Excuse us. We have some packs to open. Now what dog do you think this is gonna be? What kind of dog do you think this might be? German Shepherd. Do you think it's a poodle? No, be the devil. Be the devil.

Oh my God, look at this! That's awesome. What is it? It's me. Is it dance on it? That's fun. A fucking dance on it. Come on, look at this.

Can I have that? Look at that. Can I have the dance on it? Can I have it? No. Can I please have it? No, you're gonna rip it. I'm gonna wipe up booger right fucking

Fuck you dance soda. I was fucking telling the voodoo and he was like do whatever does yeah, that's not true Yeah, I was wasn't about to listen to it. What's the devil's advocate though? I was gonna say the source tongue That was my devil's happy look at this and there's two other giants in there like you. What do you got? I got no rock no Comey. Yeah, ah Sonore Comey fucking great and Mr. Bailey and soda back to the show. How about that? Wow about that on top of the pack. That's fun Pack I am glad afraid this could be a body Kelly. This is Dan isn't afraid

Dan isn't afraid to use his smarts. What what they put that on there. Oh, I mean in fact he has said the word He's awesome. You're not being able to fucking think of fascinating. Oh, can't believe you. Wait, wait, wait, it gets better. Use his smart to comedic outlook on life as a vehicle to push his boundaries. I did not put that. He was a regular on MTV Guide Code.

No way. 2013 to 15 and performed from 2016 to 23 as stock trader, Dudley Mapie. Maffey, dude. Maffey on the hit show Billions on Showtime. Soda, a native of Hartford, Connecticut. What? Was also.

No, it's not. Swear to God. Really? Says Hartford, Connecticut. That's where I was born. Was also a cohost. Pocko got a card. Pocko got a card.

Serious X Show on the Bombfire, which aired on the Comedy Central channel. Let me see that. That is crazy. They said I'm a... Bobby, can I say you're not good at reading? A native of Hartford? See, this is what you do. What?

This is what you do. What? Damn. This is why I'm not doing the show anymore. Well, you're done. I'm done. You're quit right now. I quit after this episode.

Right after this episode. One more and I'm done. Get the ad money for it. But then after we get paid, we're done. We're done. Only five minutes into this episode because everything you do, what I can't say you stink of reading, Bobby. Now I can't say you stink of reading. You stink of reading. I'm going to say, Oh dude, are we going to have a read off? You know what? Let's go read off. I'll have read off right now. Oh my God. Give me a card. Give me the pack open a pack. Let's go Now we figured out a use for the cards. Yeah If you didn't fucking give up on I love you guys always give up I don't give up you give up

I give it a silk. Let me begin you sign him to win battle me. That's me that's awesome read it ready oh look how sexy you look by the way good hair cut on that Joe heard the sound personal Joe's more impressed with my ripping sound. Yeah, then I said to Paco's in one. Yeah, by the way, great middle school sound effect. Come on. I haven't heard. Read it. Read it. All right. We're doing a read off Bob Bob. We got to do a real card. I'm going to pull one card. Also, you guys are kind of read off. I just want to say you guys are kind of dancing in my territory. just wanna say you guys are kind of dancing in my territory.

Bobby's just looking for his own card right now. I'm literally watching Bobby seriously look for his own card. Look at this. There's a lizard. Oh, X-Ray of a lizard. That's actually me. So I told them, I told them to put a lizard in instead. I don't want-

Dude, it's a- The Puerto Rican Rattlesnake, it's a kind of a lizard type thing. It's a little too long, but you know. Just got another knockup. Two on the nose. Let's go. All right, go. You go. I'll a little too long, but you know. Just got another cracka. Two on the nose. Let's go. Alright, go. Where you go? I'll read first.

You already looked at it. Let me give you just a card. I didn't really look at it. You give me that one, I'll give you this one. Yeah, trade. Ready? One, two, three. We're going to read at the same time. No, you don't look. No, I'm going to look at it. Alright. Ready? Read off. One, two, three. Go.

My eyes are really bad. Yeah, mine? I have glasses that I don't have. I don't have glasses. That's my problem. I don't have them either. You old pricks. Go, go, go, go.

Nope. I have to adjust my eyes. I'm literally near sighted. Go. Now go. A comedian who began performing standup in Boston in. Liszt was a finalist on NBC's Last Comic Standing in 2015 in between the release of two albums, So Far No Good and Are You Mad At Me?

A regular at the Comedy Cellar in New York City, Liszt toured the US and Europe as an opener for Louis C.K. He's released several comedy specials recently, including 2023's Enough For Everybody on YouTube. You know what's crazy about, can I tell you something about my bio? They didn't even put my HBO special in there. And I grew up in Aurora, Colorado.

I'm upset about this whole thing. Pull them back, pull all the cards. Yeah, Bob went ahead and read the entire card, he practiced it, he mouthed it. I saw him mouthing the word value. New card, Bob, new card, new card, new card, new card, new card, new card, new card, that one, that top one.

You actual piece of shit. This one's Asian. Yeah, yeah, read it. That's gonna be a's Asian. Yeah, read it. That's going to be a hard name. After exploring the world of magic, when a promising future... Is this Danny Braff's card? Can I finish please? No? No. Can you?

When a promising future as a pianist ended in 2011 due to carpal tunnel syndrome, Shin Ford, his name, true calling. Dude, Louis won the first, Louis won the first annual read off champion. Suck my dick. You non reading pussy. Shin found from boy meets world. Who is it? Oh yeah, it is to to pen. Oh, Topanga. Hell yeah. Right here. Danielle is an unforgettable megastar for fit. Come on, man. Respect. Sorry. Danielle is an unforgettable megastar for fans of 1990s era

teen sitcoms playing the role of the playing the role of the big one is you big one is you big one is you're out to the world. Let me see what it is. That's the context. You think you're smart. Let me see what it is. No, let me see what it is. You're out. It's a B, B, L, L, I E, N, D, N, T, read it. I mean, let me you're not gonna be able to read it. You don't know that work. You see what his eyes are. Just those eyes. You thought it was ubiquitous, which would make no sense in that constict. It shows how fucking stupid you are. Nebulant.

Ah! Ah! Ah! You look good, sliced over his eye. Go ahead, Dan. Ready, Dan? Yeah. Oh, for my read-off? Dan's like, I can't read. You look pretty good, I thought. I can't read. Do I get to do any of I didn't get to finish. You're bad. You're

abuanted. You're fucking queer. The Westminster Kennel Club established in 1927 is America's the Westboro Baptist. You gotta read one that wasn't read already. Buckhead. Use a new book. Pick one for me, dude. Go, bitch. Let's see how good Dan can read. I love reading. Pretend you're on set on billions. Fucking. No, because the show's over. It's Bobby! And why you gotta say that? Bitch, you know what, bitch?

Oh, nice, dude. Chuck Norris, as a member of the Air Force stationed in South Korea in the 1960s, Carlos Ray Norris picked up both his famous nickname, Chuck. Carlos Ray? And his passion for martial arts. When he left the service, he took those gifts

and became a martial artist in full eventually taking his knowledge back to Hollywood He fucked up. We saw Norris's obvious talent and charisma And this reader struck the dawn of the new action movie era. I get second place second place Whatever the fuck that was Place for Bob. Yeah, and Bobby can barely read that was crazy Watch Bobby ever do pull up ebulent. What does it mean? What's it mean? I believe you can't read Means cheerful, I think like happy look no is that there in the school

Watch it. Oh comment. Look at this comment the dog from a full house I think Bobby Kelly by the way guys, we gotta stop reading We can move on from now we gotta just stop This is me This is me on podcast Dan is a golden if you were dog with dog, would you be gold retriever? Dan's a golden retriever easily golden either. I would, what dog would you be? Golden retriever. Dan's a golden retriever. Easily golden retriever. I would say you're- But you do have a flat face like a Boston Terrier.

I would say you're a boxer. No, more MMA. I would say he's a Ruttweiler. Ruttweiler. Ruttweiler. Remember that? Yeah, I remember that. Are you a Ruttweiler?

Do I want to be a Ruttweiler? No, I think I'm more like a, I'm a pit bull You're a mutt. I'm a mutt but a lot of pit dangerous. What a rottweiler. Isn't that a pit bull and a dome? Don't know. I don't know. I don't know. No, I think it's both What's the meanest and most insensitive dog because that's Lou the most dangerous dog is a German Shepherd Oh look what I got! Back to reality! Oh, that was a comedy! Oh, he's so bad but he won't give up that easy! Robert Kelly! Look at that!

Let me get another crack at reading! You know all this stuff about him! A sharp, chubby comedian actor No, it does not say that! It does not say that! I would say thin mouth! Hold on, I can do a good job. I'll do a good job. A sharp comedian actor and radio personality. Robert has, this is so small, Robert has been a recognizable voice across many entertainment genres for over two decades. From 2010 to 2015, he played Louis CK's brother, Robbie,

in the uproariously funny FX comedy Louie. Kelly a product of MedFid Massachusetts has also had recurring roles on FX's Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll in 2015 and 16 and NYC 2020 on CBS in 2012. A closeted homosexual. No that's not true! That's not true. A lover of cop. That is beautiful.

Alright let's keep going until we get to Lewis's car. Uh oh, he turned him off again, dude. He shut him down. He's in the spooky house. He's in the spooky house. What is a Rottweiler? Rottweiler. What is it a mix of?

A powerful police dog. Yeah. Police dog? It's not a pit bull and a German Shepherd. It's a mix. It's not. It's not an original black. It's his own thing, dude.

What is a, what is it? A robust working breed of great strength. Oh, it's a mastiff and a... I think they're cute. I like their little squiggles. They are cool dogs. Yeah, there's a good... Rottweilers are fucking cool dogs.

And I like when they have little nub tails. That's a pretty bad nub tail. Woo! Regz is sponsored by Huell. Huell! Spelled H-U-E-L. The world's first, number one, complete nutrition brand trusted by millions, Joe. Millions of people trust He'll if you you're totally booked up for the season with no time to even make a meal don't stress out bro he'll has you covered. I'm pumped because I'm trying to eat healthier. I'm trying to eat better to eat healthier. It's a problem right. I just came to polo every day. I'm eating chipotle I need to eat at home and make my own damn me nutritional

guess what he was ready to drink meals are the easiest way to get all the nutrition you need in seconds. It comes in chocolate, vanilla, and honestly tastes just like a milkshake, bro. I've had them. It really does taste like a milkshake. I should have brought these to Cuba. When I went to Cuba I wish I had these because we had a hurricane, we had no water, no food, the lines for bread and cheese, queso, were ridiculous. I wish I had this when I travel, just to throw it in your bag. It's the best. I have them at home. I love them. It's at less than $5 for a super high protein meal with 27 vitamins and minerals. It's a budget friendly option that keeps you satisfied.

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Cause you're just not, cause I'm on the road too much. Yeah. You need someone there to watch it. These are really cool. If I had, if I had like a significant other that was, you know, take care of the dog, that'd be good. But I'm alone. So, oh man. What happened to your chick?

I thought you had a chick for a second. What the fuck, man? Well, him asking such a personal question while passively looking through baseball cards. It's ridiculous. Dude, Lewis is going to a place right now. I don't know where it is. I'm trying to keep it right.

He's looking like, we, we, eh, eh, eh. We found all of us that are gonna be in here. They know I'm not wrong. They know I'm not wrong. Every time I found some it's been fun we had a good time the reading thing happened reading was my idea and it was a good idea sure I did I am good at recognizing and this is what happens when you let the power forward in the center yeah it's just crazy

been great no we got one more like I can tell when Lewis gets mad because he gets jiggle leg. And I can feel it in him. No, I always have jiggle leg. He always has jiggle leg. That's the thing. I've always got jiggle leg. That's my ADHD is fucking. Would you take something for your ADHD?

I did back in the day. And then I almost killed Kurt Metzger. Was that when you were on? I was on Adderall. Just to the gills. 40 milligrams. Just fucking want to go Kurt. That fucking, thank God, banish if you ever if you're watching this that's the guy that made me the t-shirt of you throwing the drink

out it looks like a Renaissance painting usually wear it at Skankfest it's one of my favorite shirts DJ the dog guys everyone knows Daniel the dog is the best is the best boy in the lot what are we gonna do now? Now the fucking shows fucked. There's no more cards to open Yeah, we got two more bucks guys, please for the love of God you gotta stop opening cards, it's just crazy I know but it's been fun. Isn't it though? It's been fantastic at first. I did it for the algorithm now. I do it for me We didn't. He did. Very funny. That's insane. That's very funny. You had enough tea. That's a great bit. How much tea do you need?

That's a great bit. If you mix a medium with a small, it's a large. Yep. That's right, it's a large. I haven't got what I asked for yet, and I'm the only one saying thank you. That's crazy. You say thank you and you're complaining at the same time. No, I complain because I got the wrong thing. I said thank you and thanks. You just said reg order. And by the way, speaking of beefs, Dan, thank you for responding to the birthday invite

to my son's first birthday. Didn't hear from either one of you fucking stuff. I was in a hurricane. No, it was way before that. It was months ago. Why was that comic some home? No response. I'm coming.

It already happened. It was three weeks ago. No, it wasn't. Yeah, it already happened. It happened? Not even a response. I'm coming. No response. They already have? Just three weeks ago. No, it wasn't. Yeah, it already happened. It happened? Not even a response. Wow. Not a wink, and then you go,

you don't fucking invite me. Every time, you can pull up the tent. I don't have to. I didn't get it. I see you don't invite me. Every time, no, you don't say that. I don't say anything. That's the whole point.

Bobby's like, you have one party, fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I came to your kid's birthday party. Can I be honest with you, a one year old's birthday party is hot trash. No it's not, because it's an adult hang. First of all, the gift isn't gonna fit in a week. Yeah.

What? It's a dildo. It was a comic handle. We're also, I'm re-gifting the dildos that you bring for Yankee Swap to your child. We were on the water. Your father gave me this. Where was it?

And I give it to you. It was in Battery Park City. This wooden dildo can. Who's who? Did you have a party like in a park with a balloon? Exactly. Did you just give my son a wooden dildo bottle? What the fuck are you doing, Lewis?

What the fuck are you doing giving my kid a dildo? And you go, as your father gave to me several Christmases ago, I give it to you, Mark. I like it. Yeah, it was outside in the park, on the water. Was it fun? It was fucking awesome.

Sam Morrill, Mark Normand. What's up, fucking? What a list. What, he was at the Boston Comics Come Home next year? Yeah. Mike Vecchione. Hey! Andy Hannigan.

Yeah. Sarah Talamache. Really. Loser. Andy Haynes. Whoa. And he ends his nanny. All right, all of Joe's famous friends have now completely stopped and now he's going to stop me. CK, Colin Quinn. None of them came. They did not come. They responded and Colin lives 300 yards

away, but he responded. I don't know, I don't really feel like coming downstairs for a one year old. And who else was there? I responded dude. You didn't respond, you just texted me right now. We know you're stupid bit. I didn't know stupid bit dude. Did you just respond?

Did you just respond right now? Hold on, Joe's going to take a good four minutes to try to read this. I can't make it, sorry. Look at this, with the photo and everything. Fucking unbelievable. Sorry, buddy. Unbelievable.

Joe, if I can't tell you yes, I don't have to just assume it's a no. It's like from a doctor, no news is good news. All right. Yeah. Do you think my doctor's gonna have no news? I got no news from my doctor for a full year. I was like, you did blood work?

This is a couple years ago. And then I came in the next year for blood work. And I was like, hey, you never really told me anything about my blood work last year, am I okay? And he goes, let me check. And then he checked my chart. And I was like, what? He was like, oh yeah, you need some B12.

And I was like, it's been a whole year. He goes, holy shit, you have aggressive cancer. I didn't even notice this. I gotta tell you, how are you standing in front of me right now? You're a marvel of modern science. It was crazy. So hot.

His tea is oversteeped and it's too hot in here. I turned the thing on so I could freeze. Why, why'd you become such a fucking pussy? I can't have the air conditioner on. Wow. Crazy. Alpha Joe, dude. What is up with you?

I love Alpha Joe. Yo, rip your shirt off, Hulk Hogan. You going through menopause? You're like a little lady. Easy. It's a thing. It's right on me. I'll trade seats with you.

I'd be happy to trade seats. Oh, god. Get ready for this Riff Fest, Louis. Welcome to this side of the table. Oh, just you guys. You guys have no idea. Louis just ripped all the plugs out. Coo-coo-coo-coo.

No, my bottle. He ripped all Soder's plugs out. That's fun. Hair plugs. That's good. Yeah. Oh, you have hair plugs. I like this. I got the back of my head cut off. That's a yes. They're not plugs though. There was like a transplant. I know, but it was close enough that it made sense. Yeah. Let me see. So what's going on? Where, what would you have talked about this? It's been like a year ago. It's been more than two and a half years. How much did this cost you, Dan? 15,000. Did you go to another country to get it done?

No, I got it done on the Upper East Side. Sick. Yeah. You know he had hair plugs? Yeah. I think I did know that. You have a long bit about it, dude. Why don't you ever pay attention to me?

I'm sorry, dude, I love you. It's always just, can you just? Why do you fucking apologize to him and not us? Because I like him. You don't like us? Welcome to this side of the table. I love you. I want apologies. I'm sorry? Not now. I'm sorry that your story's boring. Because I like him. You don't like us? Welcome to this side of the table. I love you. I want apologies.

I'm sorry? Not now. I'm sorry that your story's boring. Louis, with that seat comes great responsibility. You have to open the packs into a microphone, ASMR style. How are you feeling over there? I like it actually. What's up buddy?

It's good. It's a good change up. You like it. You're coming to a different side of the bed. So Joe, I went to Cuba. Uh huh. I'm interested. And uh.

What if Joe started getting mad? You're like, oh Louis, who's the chair? It's the seat. It's the huh. I'm interested. And what if Joe started getting mad? Like, Oh Louis, it's the chair. It's Louis. I don't think Louis can make his mouth that small. Guys, can we fuck her through the tail? But Oh, I'll be Joe. It's pretty funny. It's stuff. How relaxing. I like the noise. Honestly though, how relaxing is that? Oh look he keeps doing it. He likes it. You like when that Jodie Foster movie Nell where she grew up in the forest? I'm Joe.

I'm podcasting. I'm in the wrong spot. Oh it's a little chilly over here. It's freezing in there. Yeah well you have a winter hat you fuckhead! You could have been wearing that the whole time. Why are you so aggressive to him? What dude is this the seat?

It's the seat. It's the seat. It's the seat. It's the seat. It's the seat. It's the seat. It's the seat. It's a little chilly over here Fuckhead you could be wearing that the whole time. Why are you so aggressive to him? You're coming at me today in a different way you have a Fucking hand cold I'm not dumb. It was ebullient. No one's ever heard the word ebullient. We've all heard the word ebullient. Don't act like you've used the word ebullient.

Dude, you're ebullient. Yeah. I am ebullient. But I'm not with you guys. Third place in the book fair. You guys didn't respond to my birthday invite. I found it hurtful. Buddy, it's not yours.

It's your one-year-old, and I apologize. I know, but that's even more I apologize. I apologize. I was at every one of Max's birthday party. The spiders with the tree. I said, I talked to you personally on it and I said I couldn't make it. That's absolutely true. We talked on the phone.

I was like, dude, I don't think I can make it. I was out of town. I love this strategy. I was out of town. He can never check it. I like that. I was out of town. Dude, I love it.

I'm going to go through our phone calls. Let's see the last time we talked to the folks. Let's do it. Gaslight him now. That's all you got to do to get out of it. Joe, Joe, I- I'm going through our phone calls. We have we talk to the folks. Let's do it. Gaslight him down. That's all you gotta do to get out of it. Joe, Joe, I... I'm going through our phone calls. We have not talked to the folks.

Joe, I emailed you on your old AOL email address. If you check in or if you check your old... Look at your MySpace inbox. I sent you a message. You heard the message. You've got mail. No, I haven't talked to you on the phone since... Well, that hurts.

...is Dan Soder, October 24th. That hurts. How you doing? When's the last time you talked to you on the phone since. Well that hurts. It's Dan Soder October 24th. That hurts. How you doing? When's the last time you talked to me on the phone, Joe? Oh, a lot of Louis in here, but. Whoa. Different Louis. Wow.

I talk to Louis a lot on the phone. Damn. Wow, a lot of Sarahs. I mean, imagine you were bragging about how much you speak to another more successful man on the phone, and acting like that's a fucking win. Colin Quinn, woo boy. Loser.

I mean Bobby. You are a loser. Liar. I mean Bobby, we haven't talked on the phone in a long time, this is hurtful. Oh here you are, October 5th. Yeah, we hadn't planned it at that point. That's when I, I talked to you on the thing.

FaceTime? On the landline? No, on the Zoom. Remember when I called you on the landline? Remember you invited me and I was like, I'm out of town. Anyways, it was a good hang, it was a great time. Really? Did the baby get a lot of shit?

Mm-hmm. And what was the best gift? Mm, really nice outfit. From who? Mike Vecchione? Who's the hand-me-down now? Vecchione goes, it's good, that's a little sailor outfit. He's gonna look proper in there.

He gave him a Dickie shirt to one That's for wrestling. It's like two barbells. Yeah, I can he goes. No, that's a that's a bow flex for a baby I bought a baby blow both That was fun you guys whatever maybe maybe next year was this snacks fucking unbelievable I bet it was I bet and I am I being an asshole now. Yeah, you know Fucking unbelievable. I bet it was I bet and I am I being an asshole now. Yeah, you are Real now, no, can I be real? I bet you the food situation was hot shit. Nope I bet you man. Don't turn away. Give him that laugh. No, it was hot food

Just the way louis stuck the shit really made me fucking laugh. I bet it was hot shit. I was amazed. There was so much fucking sweets, cookies, everything. Dude, it was another one of Joe's park parties. Oh my God. You fucking hobo. Everyone brought in a fucking dollar bag of chips. There's a guy from a bus.

The guy standing in a bus stop rubbing his hands. Happy birthday. There's just an old bum going. Can I come to your fire? Some fucking Cuban Funyuns, you piece of shit. Fuck your party. What did you have? Bree? Joe goes, we got a good, we had an oil barrel.

We started a fire. It was, it was, what was the food? Well, name one of the dishes that was good. High end bakery items. Okay. Mallory Park City city so there was no food there's no food there's a lot of food baked goods sandwich whole food sandwiches big fucking sandwiches there was big sandwiches there was all kinds

of bakery items cookies up the ass oh calling? Who should I call? Name anybody that's worth anything in comedy. Patrice O'Neil. Call Dennis Leary. Yeah. He doesn't return my shit. I'll call him. Why won't he have me on? He will, his son said he wants you on.

Who do you want to hear from, Sam, Mark, Sarah? I thought you said anybody worth a shit in comedy. Yeah, Sam and Mark are big, okay? Not too big to respond to me. Damn. Nothing, nothing, something, but, and even like a, I wish I could. I wish I could, I really did wanna go,

but I was out of town. What day was it, was it a weekend? It was a Wednesday. It was a Wednesday. It was a Wednesday, oh, I could've made it. I could've made that easily. Oh, fuck, that's my one day. What time was it at? Oh, I got my one day. What time was it at?

Oh, I got nothing on Wednesday. What time was it at? It was about, oh, 1 p.m., I think. Yeah, I told you. I was. What was it? So you went to Whole Foods, you got sandwiches and cut them up.

Yeah. Catered. And then everyone brought snacks, but we had, there's a very nice high-end bakery. Feehan brought up some really nice cookies and some kind of donut thing that explodes in your mouth, like cum. Yeah, that's a Feehan.

Feehan donut? She goes, excuse me, at the bakery, she goes, do you have anything that shoots in your mouth? Oh, we have these cum donuts. Sorry. You know what, you tried. I did. I'm trying, dude.

I'm sick. This is my flu game. You're sick, man. I think the reg sign is crooked. Yeah, because tried. I did. You did. I'm trying, dude. I'm sick. This is my flu game. You're sick, man. I think the reg sign is crooked. Yeah, cause you bumped into it. Damn, dude. There you go.

There's the rest of them. I'm sorry, Joe. I appreciate that. Okay, you know what we're bringing back? No. What? I don't. All male comedian lunch.

Yeah, you brought that up on the episode. Did I? In front of us. Did I? Yeah, you brought that up on the episode. Did I? In front of us. Did I? Yeah, you're, we're the reason. Did I? Yeah, you did. Puck, you're not invited.

He said all male. What are you doing it? I think, I don't wanna say the date, but it's early January. Same place? Same place, early January, all boys, no girls allowed. Nice. I feel like everyone's leveled up since we did it.

Can the four of us all get a yay or nay on who the invites are? Like, you send out who's going to be invited, and we vote. I like that. It has to be a majority. We'll go right now. We could just open in the fucking air. Are you kidding me? There's a few I would just be like, I think it should be anonymous though. I'll go no, we're not doing on us

We're gonna own it dude. I don't like to own things. I know that's why I rent piss so bad. Well, it is I know we gotta go. So I gotta go we have good on time guys. We just do more time I have to go you don't I do His bonfire Aaron Burke. Yeah, that's who I was thinking about We're good on time, guys. We can just do more time. I have to go. You don't. I do. What do you have to do? I have bonfire. He has bonfire. Aaron Berg. Yeah.

That's who I was thinking about. Why can't he get? I love Berg. What's a Berg? I've been thinking about you. I'm in for Berg, of course. Keith Alberstead. I haven't said the name Keith Alberstead.

He lives in New Jersey. Yeah, I don't even know if he lived. Long time. He's using Jersey? Yeah, he moved to New Jersey. He's got three kids now. Ted Alexandro. Oh, you're going alphabetical order.

We gotta do this all there. He's in Connecticut. I have to piss so bad. Yeah, you just met two thin bald white guys. All right, here comes a witness of how good the snacks were. Ready? Who is it?

Let's see if we can guess by their voice. Say nothing. Hello. Caribbean. Say nothing. Hello. Caravian. Mark Norman. How good was the food and snack situation at Marty's birthday party? It was awesome.

10 out of 10. Perfect. Tell them about some things, some items. I mean, we had protein, we had cold cuts. I brought cookies and pastries. We had seltzer. It was good. Fruit? Sounds flavorless.

Lot of fruit. Seltzer? Seltzer and cold cuts? Seltzer and seltzer? Yeah. What are you? You missed it. You said your cum is flavorless.

How do you like that? My cum is flavorless? Karen, that's not true. My cum is disgusting. Like his breath. By the way, Karen. It used to be. Karen, how do you like kissing Louis?

Is his breath atrocious? It's like cigarette weeds, shit breath, right? I haven't kissed Louis in over a decade. Karen, if you had to kiss Joe List, would you puke because you had to touch his green teeth and his little tiny hole of a mouth that looks like a dog's asshole? Whoa.

Does it look like? What is happening? Does it look like a dog's ass? Karen, just say yes or no. Does Joe's mouth look like a dog's asshole? Quick yes or no. Then we'll move on. No, it does not.

Thank you. And we did kiss in a film. Karen, we've had sex in the past decade. Why are you lying to everyone? Yeah. Damn. Karen, out of all four of us, who would you have sex with now? You, Bobby.

Tell the truth, Karen. Thank you. I love you, Karen. Why, Bobby? Hang up. Don't say why. She just said yes. Why are you lying to say Bobby? Why are you pressing the issue, Joseph?

I want you to back off, you thin-mouthed asshole. The snacks were good. The party was great. Were the snacks really? If you had snacks with Bobby, he'd be pressing on your ribs. The snacks were very good. I brought most of it. In the time he was bad, Joe. The snacks were very good. I brought most of it.

Isn't it funny though that somebody had to bring the snacks? That sucks. That is the sign of a shit party. That's a Joe-less party. Bring snacks for my party. That's what he was saying. Why don't you say what you really wanted, which was, hey, can you bring some awesome snacks to my party? No, but this is different. Karen is family. You're mad that I didn't come this last time I saved the party with my snacks. It's part of this. It's all we live next

to each other. It's all one unit. It's not like I said, Sam Morrill bring hot dogs. He brought hot dogs. She brought the baby to similar brought hot dog closure. Sam didn't bring anything. If it wasn't for you, Karen, there wouldn't have been good snacks. Or I mean, the neighborhood is also beautiful. The park, the setting. Yeah, that's fun. It stinks.

I hate these fucking city people that live in shit. They live in piles of shit and they get to go like, oh my God, my neighborhood is so beautiful. No, your neighborhood is shit. You live under a highway. I've been to my home and your home. Does a highway scrapes your roof? That's literally not even close to true. There's

a highway fucking a block from you. No, that's not true. I live in the suburbs. It's an extremely suburban area. He has a pool. He has a built-in pool. Are brown people around you? Yes. Barely. I'm the brown guy in the neighborhood. The one paying the rent is brown. All right, we got to go. All right, Karen. Thank you. Thanks for being our first. I'm going to come over in a little bit. Really? I'll be down there. All right. Yes. All right. Karen, if I drop off Joe, can I come over? Can we be Santa Claus? Oh, you really can't let him come over. I'm not. I can't control. She can't control herself. She can't am you see? She's like, if he comes over I'll have to fuck it I can't have a hot piece of Latin beef this evening

Spicy dude, I got why is the ACM? All right. My Karen. We love you. All right. Well, listen, let's wrap it up I love you guys. All right. Listen, um, that's it December 11th 7 p.m live regs at Gramercy theater Graham it's the special Christmas episode. Come on, baby. It's the episode we've been doing for years. Everybody loves it. The Yankee Swap, special Santa Claus.

We don't know who it is yet. Probably going to be young. We should have the Yankee come swap. Ooh. We each come in each other's mouth. I got it. We got it. And then spit it into each other's mouth.

Oh, snowball. I'd be into that. Have you been snowballed ever? I got it. And then spit it into each other's mouth. Oh, snowball. I'd be into that. Have you been snowballed ever? I got a piss so bad, I'm just gonna go. I love you guys. Bye, Dan Soda. We'll see you guys next time on...

December 11th. The regs. I don't know, what symbol is that? Is that the regs? That's a hashtag? I don't think hashtags, we do hashtags anymore. Is that the regs symbol? Yep.

Hashtag? No, let's get a regs. Let's get a regs. This is regs? That's skanks. It should be this. Story wars. How about this? The regs. I think it's that. All right. There you go. Try it. Bobby do it. See you guys next time. Bye.