Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Fast as a Sniper, Quick as a Scorpion

Episode Date: June 23, 2014

Robert is joined by Nathan Macintosh, Myq Kaplan, Dan Soder, Joe List, Luis J Gomez, Kelly Fastuca and Chris Scopo. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid.

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Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Tras por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno. Esta es la tres por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovecharte del tres por uno en medianas a domicidio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Sabes? Tras por uno, tres por uno, ah no, no, no, no. ¡Dominos! Separate? 3x1, 3x1, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I try to keep it like a comic can. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down. And sometimes it's hilarious.

Sometimes it's intense. It's rubber killing us. You know what, dude. It's not too tough. It's not too tough. It's not too tough. It's not too tough. It's not too tough.

It's not too tough. It's not too tough. It's not too tough. It's not too tough. It's not too tough. It's not too tough. It's not too tough. It's not too tough.

It's not too tough. It's not too tough. It's not too tough. It's not too tough. It's not too tough. I Fine alright, we're in I finally found out I found out what this introduction music is what is it? It's an ass-picking montage in a Jason Statham movie It's an ass picking montage in a Jason Statham movie. If Jason Statham was like, I told you I didn't want to go down there. And then you'd be like, what are you doing? I don't want to break your own. And then that music would play as he ripped through a biker bar. I don't, I don't, did you book something? Why are you happy?

Like, why are you so happy? What's going on with you? I'm in a good mood. Can't it be in a good mood? You know, hey, we settled down. You ask a question. Yes, you can. I'm good with that. I come in. I'm in a good mood. I'm what? Hey, we settled down. You ask a question. Yeah, she can. I'm good with that. I come in. I'm in a good mood.

I'm right, man. She's not here. She's coming. Is she coming? Yeah, she's coming. Fistuka is coming. She's coming. In theaters. This October. No, I'm going to be in the... It's just her tips. Building up and then slowly being built back down starring Jason Thaibon

I told you I don't rock you know Scobal going around the room let's get this over with all right if you got Lewis J Gomez in the house I can rattlesnake real-ass dude have a certain of MMA radio is here. I have any more nicknames The human jiggle Most anti-climate the Grad ever. I like the Altoids better. Do you like Altoids better? I do, yeah. They were better.

Yeah, it was more creative. Hey, you know what? I make up the Altoids. Who knows? All right. And we got Dan Soder here. Hi. Hello.

You did the sea around. Sarah Conditioning is fantastic. Great. It's not going over here though. I'm not going to. All right. You're welcome. All right, it Scobo, stop improvving. Let's go. I said quickly, on the couch we have Mike Kaplan here, first time. Thank you for having me. Happy to be here. I think we're all exactly the same.

This is your first time on this podcast? Yeah, I've never been here. Really? Never been in this room on this couch with you people. I like you all. Happy, very thrilled to be here. No, no, no, no, no, you like Scobo. I don't just just met him. Don't know him So no, no, nothing about him, but like everybody else Bobby you and I were on a show together like 10 years ago once I saw you on a Conan audition Oh my god, the bookers were not there for they walked out They left right before you went on They left before I went on. I prepared, hang on, I prepared a fucking awesome five minute set for the Cone of People.

And they called me up. They put me on last. They just put me on the show just to close out the show. Just in case. Because some of those stink, just in case. And I saw them walk out as they call me up. I think I lied on the floor. Yeah, you did a lot, yeah, you, you were up there for a while,

you did your five minutes, it was pretty great. And then you did a lot more stuff. And it was, like, have you been on Conecins? I've never been on Conecins. I don't know, I don't know if they'll like me. Joe, Joe list just walked in, I don't know where he went. And out. Yeah, I said said okay, let's go go We got another go first-timer Nate McIntosh is here. Yeah

You have him on the show either no, I like that you guys both took turns being shocked that neither one of us Have been on this show before I'm not we do it every week. Yeah, it's a thing If you've never been on here before of course I have you just do it for yourself then when we come back You'll be like you've been here before here before, of course I have. You just do it for yourself. Then when we come back, you'll be like, you've been here before? Yeah, where were you? Always disbelief. You made the Mac and Toshis never come back. I'm gone. Yep, I'm going to have that bandana all day.

I will never be back in here again. Speaking of bandana, and you deserve it for that last one, I'm kidding. We, uh, we have a new one of the warrior, not a new one. We have a new one. Whoa. Oh, man. I like it. Made by a beautiful fan in San Francisco. We have a new Made by a beautiful fan in San Francisco Oh the Bay lesbian yeah, so when you have a shitty joke on this

Oh Oh, I that band-in around your mic stand. Okay. Tell everyone know that you're the old band in just a straight up It's right. It's right here. It's on a band-in We just took it off of Dante's motorcycle, but here's the thing beautiful fans in San Francisco I got to say before we get started that they showed up YKWD fans in San Francisco yeah fucking loaded up the jewellery they brought gifts from max unbelievable sweetest guys i mean they look like they'd rob you in an alley right

uh... or play fucking dungeons and dragons in a mall either or but they were who the guy who gave you absolutely yes yes unfuck unbelievable they gave me uh... fan made this beautiful uh... uh... new bomb bandana that we're gonna be using. Oh, and here it is, right in your face. For the bomb. No, you can't throw it at me, fucking. It wouldn't have been funny if I didn't do it.

Okay. Okay, it was for the sake of funny. This is very nice quality to my mom. It's beautiful. I'm real. I want to thank all the fans in San Francisco for coming out and supporting me. And they're all, they want to see you guys.

They want Joe List out there. They want Lewis. They saw you List out there, they want Lewis, they saw you. Yeah, I owe him some signed posters. I gotta get a signed list. Yeah, he was fucking pissed. That's the guy that gave me the toy from Max. Yeah, memo.

Yeah, memo's great. Yeah, you met a guy named memo? No, they're great, they're fans. Fans, fans, he's really stupid for a kid. Yeah, so my brain froze I don't I don't remember everybody's name, but I will get it listen if you're listening right now e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- e- hook you up with stuff. We'll get your email me at ykwd at riotcast.com and send me your info and we'll get you some signposts from all the people here. I'm such a shitty assistant manager like they asked me for something. I'm like, hey, I'll get to that and then they have to go to the real manager and they're like, oh yeah, we'll get that right now. We're gonna do that. We're gonna

do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna to fuck the teenagers that are working there. So you're 17? Oh, that's pretty cool. You drive in Bethlehem. Dan? Dan? Dan's been writing jokes on the show. These last few premises you've come up with. They're great.

I'm the shitty. I'm a shitty. Don't do that thing where you break the fourth wall. That was a good analogy. You mean the thing we do every fucking fucking week for the last fucking 500 episodes. That. How about sucking my dick? That's what we do.

That's what Lewis does in a competition. We can at Lewis. Lewis, could you close your legs a little bit with your fucking beavers shorts? Yeah. I'm sitting like a lady because you get four feet apart your knees. All right, so, all right, go. The fucking first word you say when you come on the podcast today are just coming at me We're sitting like fucking

So for somebody who claims to be afraid of me so much you sure do fucking come at me a lot you fucking asshole You know what I agree with you Lewis you stick up for yourself. That was some horse shit right out of the No, I'm a team Joe. He's sitting hey my friend Lewis. You're a little close to me. Will you but move over? No, no, I'm team Joe. He's sitting like this. That was ridiculous. You're fucking ugly. Fuck you You're not ugly. Dan look at me. Look at me. You are not ugly You are unconventionally good looking Going for you got it when I pick this face you got it. Hey guys. Yeah, are you all okay? Yeah, this is this is what happens. I'm sorry. Thanks for watching my Netflix special everyone and

I actually wanted to ask can are in that in that analogy when you're trying to fuck a teenager? Mm-hmm. How old are you and are you just yourself? Yeah, I'd be like a little rougher version of myself maybe 30 31 okay Yes, it's like a dog you're working on like a dog. I think it's like a little rougher version to myself. Maybe 30, 31. Okay, okay. There's like a doc, you're working on like a doc, I think it's like a doc. Oh, I think I'm like a pizza hot. Okay. I'm like an assistant manager to pizza.

Oh, I was pitching a hot topic. I love that you said doc three times. Is it a doc, a doc, a doc, a doc? I'm working on a doc. I don't know why that makes me laugh all the time. I love three times, it makes me laugh. For rule, magic again. So you had a special in Netflix. I was just kidding

I know I do but what is the name of it? It's called small dorken handsome That's great actually why people do you think click on it because you spell your name and why cute all of them And sons new one I also like that you were about to say whatever the name was you were ready to say that's a good name But then in the middle of saying that's a good name It you heard what it was and you're like oh, I actually do think that was like you were ready to be nice No matter what but then I feel like you had a genuine reaction. Oh, no, you don't know me. I don't know I would love to smash you name. I actually like that name. That was pretty that was a pretty

Interesting twist I appreciate it. I think they say in the business. Oh sure I don't know like we're all just people, right? Well, not all of them. No, not all of them. Lewis can be an edible. I'm sorry. So, speaking of specials, I shot my special last night. Hey! Here, here.

That's the village, village underground. And I would go on special. Lewis fucking, Lewis goes to the first one, right? I'm literally, I'm about to go up. There's a million things going on and he's trying to get my attention Well, he is watch me dive and I'm talking I'm talking to Bartow and we're like there's so much shit going on Like I have to you know they're doing this they're doing that I gotta go up at a certain time and go to its on stage Yeah, there's all the stuff and he's like fucking making fake just what I was going I keep on doing that but it's like I look at I look at I go Bartow I go look at Lewis

He's making it about him right now. I go doing his that he's trying to get a laugh in the audience at my special It's like what the fuck I, what a fucking lunatic. He's trying to, instead of just housewife. He really is. He really is. I was like, this kid's a fucker. And then the next show, I got tickets for him, B of course, who I love and her father.

Her father hated my show. No, he did. who i love and uh... and her father her father hated by show i have to hit it first of the speed english yet he had a great time he's fucking being very nice he's a i saw people sitting next to him he didn't look at me while i was performing he was looking off into a distance and he didn't laugh once. He's probably be like my daughter. I had a baby with an animal. I know. And now I got to sit here and watch this guy scream at me. I used to be in a band. Was he in a band? No, I don't know. He said

you're a shorter, fatter, whiter godfrey. You just made that up because he doesn't know who godfrey is. He's a deep knowledge. I know I know I know he made it up because it was too wordy for a regular human being. He's he looked at me and he said I think he's probably more like a godfrey. What? What happened to my rattle? I don't know. Maybe it's the American rattle stage.

I had no compliments. So that was... Good job on your special last night, Bobby. Thank you. I'm getting a little bit... My venom is niceness. He said he loved it. I love the American Rattlesnake.

I love it. Joe, you're looking very healthy. Thank you. Joe, you do. I'm a good singer at the beginning of the show. Ah. The American Rattlesnake just lost. No, I thought it was a good one, when she said, look at me dive. Look at me dive. Good thing at the beginning of the show The most pictures wise I thought it was a good one when she said look at me dive look at me dive that was great

I see my cap on I agree You can listen back. I laughed at it when it happened Because I love Dan Dan is Dan will fight you Dan doesn't take you shoes. Oh lose No, you won't you You would lose. And let's out of that. No, the catcher with a fucking random button. This won't happen. I don't want to have to do a fucking matcha man impression. I start laughing and then he kicks me inside of that. Here's the fight.

Here's the fight. Ready? Lewis gets up. Lewis wins face. This is what's happening. Lewis gets up. Lewis gets up. You go nose to nose.

He pushes you. And then he grabs you. You hold him in some type of weird headlock where he loses all his arms strength and the fatness comes out and he's hyperventilating and then you roll on top of him and you grab him by the shirt and neck and you go, enough, enough, it's over. Yeah. And he's like, it's an, it's over, it's over. I'm getting up.

No, don't fuck and you get up and you walk away and that's it. I'm gonna hear's yeah From the dissing you look great Lewis a month ago, maybe I could have tired him out fat, but he's getting into good shape. He does look good great James. Yeah, he looks like a JV football coach. Well, not aerodynamic I mean I would say more like a C plane. Oh yeah. I would say like a jet, but his balls. Yeah, but you still have the stupid thing on your chin. You should shave it. What about my chin pubes?

Yeah, you should chase that, chave that. It's disgusting. I just want to let people know that I can grow. Oh, I'll put your Puerto Rican. Can you grow a bead? You can just tell people. They might believe you. Like shave it and be like, hey, over here sometimes

there's hair. Oh, they might just see you on roller blades sweating I need me roller blades by the way. I'll get you some we really no Yeah, well, it's it was filmed at the village on the ground So it's gonna be Robert Kelly live from the village on the ground We were gonna we had a few names. We were gonna toss around be Robert Kelly live from the Village Underground. We had a few names. We were going to toss around. There's a sign, you know, my whole thing, for filming it there, it took a long time. I should have done this a couple years ago and we were set to do it a couple years ago, but they wanted me to do

it in a theater and I just didn't want to do a theater because I'm not a theater guy. I get it, but there was this whole thing, a theater makes you look more impressive and it's more distinguished. But it's a better show when it's in a small place. Well, I think so because I think it's more intimate and I think it's what we do on a daily, every week, that's what we are in these clubs and I think the laughter's different, I think it's better because you can hear when somebody gets the joke more and the, you know, someone doesn't get the joke or when it doesn't go. With these rolling theater laughs, it's the same laugh over like an ocean wave. And then last year we were all set to do it again

and it all fell through and then we had a way to year and then Jim Cervico actually said fuck it and he was like, I'm financing it through his company. And we put the money up. He put the money up and uh... you know we did it ourselves so you should just call it bobby kelly eventually uh... because that's when it comes out no it will be out soon okay well then when you call it when it comes out then

she calls them a different do you do you have the uh... you know what about max with love oh no i'm being serious guys this is I'm not joking Give that back Give him give him the the con bandana That's a new bomb bandana. It's a new one. There's two of these floating around now So there's two bomb bandanas. No, this now. We just need one So yeah last night was last night was last night was fucking awesome and I appreciate you guys coming down

It's magical I'm like the second crowd was even better than the first crowd Well you get to see at the end I watched most of the second show I had a spot well the second crowd You know I didn't like him what no, I didn't I'm kidding I I love murdering they were great crowd, but the The two girls to the right really fucking got onto my skin. Because they were, of course, pretty girls

making about them. Yeah. They can't, is that their dad with them? No, it was, she had to move and talk. And you don't talk, you don't say stuff to your friend while you're on a camera. Because I can't use that fucking shot. You laugh and shut the fuck up.

I mean, you, is that one of the things though that would like theater would kinda get that out of there? Well, you're on a theater, everybody's face forward, okay? You really, people have some type of weird different respect in the theater for some reason. Yeah. But, you know, they were, you know, right there, right in the front row, and they kept talking to each other.

And I could see them. I could hear them, I could hear the whispers. But I could also see their heads, and then they were talking and moving and making hand gestures. They were trying to, I don't know if they were trying to get on camera, or they were trying, you know, like sometimes people want to get, oh, there's a camera on me.

You know, let me get noticed. I don't know what the fuck is. And then I told, I actually, I actually, I actually, I kinda said something to them, and then she was like, I have to go to the bathroom. Like, that's what I was doing You and me I'm the victim That's what fuck did you do?

There's somebody yelling in the bathroom. What yeah, I was being I was going I'm at the table What are they yelling? I felt bad for that girl and she went to the bathroom Someone was sick Bardo had to go over and fucking what he said to do I don't know what happened now. No. No. No. I was standing over there What happened was there was a girl sick in there girl got sick who I actually did feel sympathy for it Because this girl sick in the stalls She's like are you all right like do you try go get something so she was loud, so like nine of us were like, you gotta stop as a TV taping.

But I did feel, because sometimes you have a friend, a friend is sick, I don't even think she was drunk sick. I think she was just sick to her stomach. Right. So there was a thing, we're like from our standpoint, we're like, hey, this is a fucking taping you can't. But from her standpoint, it's like, I think my friend is like, diet.

Right. She's like, I don't give a fuck it's a taping. So I did feel some sympathy. And then she left and she came back again like a second like 15 minutes later And she was like seriously? Allison are you all right? Yeah, she was yelling. How are you? She was yelling how are you disagreeing with me? I'm not disagreeing with you. I think I had some she get kicked out No, the one girl stayed in the stall till the show ended. It came out like crying wow Everyone was like you can't be yelling you gonna get out of here and the girl was like I'm sorry

I'm sorry my friend is there can ask you question. Would they drunk? I don't I really don't think that you This is what fuck I listen I hate alcohol so bad. I don't fucking like alcohol. I fucking hate people who drink I don't I don't fucking I Exactly I don't Prove my point to do and no you're not drinking, I'll fucking punch you in your face. I like the thought that the guy- I don't like people that drink, and when they know they shouldn't drink, when it's like you don't drink

and go to a movie, you don't drink while your baby's sitting. You know what I'm saying? The certain times you don't fucking get loaded. And if you go into a TV taping, I don't think you should get loaded. I don't think you should get drunk i don't think you should get drunk past the point of fucking where you can't make a decision where you can't not fucking shut the fuck up if you're visiting you should give the kid the drink and then you can relax and

watch a movie i should talk i actually what i i i i i i i got alkanal alcohol poisoning once i'm in those babysitting uh... that's fun yeah i i'm not for your kid no i i was babysitting and i fucking, I had a bottle of wild hours rose. Holy shit. Yeah, it was a gallon of it. Oh shit.

That's a blow. Me and my three friends fucking, yeah, and we had a half of Pythomus snops and a racquetal that I smoked three joints and I took like four swigs off of white label Straight up and I went babysitting. I was supposed to babysit that night. So I showed up This is a situation where the person hiring you is Yeah, well she came in and she went I was sitting on the couch like this Watch TV and she goes are you okay? And I'm good and she goes okay I'll be right back and she was going to get a keys

But the thing that saved everybody that I as I had to shit and I went to the bathroom to shit and passed out and I woke up, just on the ground with my pants down and a shit hanging out in my ass. And my mother and four of my uncle standing over me, going, you motherfucker, you fucking dumb cock, sucka, and then the ambulance and I woke up in the hospital the next day,

they'd have pumped my stomach in. Well alcohol saved your life and that baby. Yeah, and my shit. Who was the baby? Was this a baby that you knew? No, there wasn't babies, it was kids. Oh, were you expecting like a Phil Donahue moment or is that baby was?

Was this a baby? We got to bring this baby on and see how they came up after this baby. Why was just wondering is it like someone in your family that you were in your family? No, no, my family wouldn't. So that's what I'm saying.

You were a baby, somebody hired you to baby to sit their kids Yeah, the random kids and you shit on the floor almost yes and passed out and they called your family That's great. How old were you in that story? That's hilarious. You have fucking great energy dude. Yeah, I don't know what it is I just like that's being commercials. I don't know. I just fucking really started. I just could I was listening to him He was watching you listening to him. He was watching you watching him. Yeah.

Yeah. Can I say? I was watching him watch me and I was like, he's either going to scream at me right now or say that he was, it was like he was smelling you. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was like, he might bite me or lick me. I don't know what it is about you, but I, you're like, you're like, you're like a fucking awesome middle. You have that energy, that fucking great middle or energy where you. You're kind of a dick, but you're nice. Hey, do you mind if I sell my CDs?

I mean, I won't if you won't. But I have T-shirts too, but I won't sell the T-shirts. Let's give the stickers away. Let's hand up the stickers. I'll do a deal. If you give it a sticker, you'll get your CD for free. How about that? Yeah, so anyways, the taping was awesome.

We did it at the village underground, which I thought was my, you know, my taping was awesome. We did it at the Village Underground, which I thought was my, my dream place was the Comedy Cellar, but we couldn't do it, it's too small. And then the Village Underground happened open up in the last year. So now I got to do it there. And I fucking, I don't know how I did.

I don't know how, when you, I know that the things I wanted to do I did, I did everything I wanted to do, but I did an hour and 40, the first show. How long you did? I thought you had an hour and 20, I was like, I was going crazy, at one point you were like, hey, buckle up, I'm doing more.

Yeah. I'm doing more. Well, you know, Louis came in right before the taping and he was like, no, no, Louis Katz. He had a couple of breast milk. Anderson? And two black chicks. And I'm sure I love it all. and he was like uh... no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no don't go up there and deliver. I thought this was a call back to the babysitting story. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. I liked it.

I really want to use this new bomb bandana, but I like that one. Yeah, so he was like, you just sitting it and you know, I was like, fuck it. You're right. So there was some jokes where I kind of went off. There was some stuff. Wilson Vince gave me a couple cool tags that I used which You're his voice though. I thought well no because I want to understand me. Why you why you I hope you die Wow, I can't tags like from his own joke. Yeah from his act

Take this band about me being a Bobby something I'll never talk to that nigga again Wilson it's his black. Oh, he called a black person, though. Okay. I think you were saying that, that he said that about Will Silvin. I'm saying that the bit was he took Will Silvin's tag. It wasn't that clear.

And I'm saying one of his tags is the end word. It sounded like you just said some really nice and short. Well, everybody laughed, but you, you your jerk with your fucking dumb wide stance and your Beavis and buddy George You have a wide stance chubby knees in the eight feet apart That's the last place he loses weight His fat knees Lewis Catherine have burned over here

You're stretching your groin. Lewis sits like an elephant sits Bomb I got a laugh at how weird it was yeah, I don't think I've ever seen a sitting elephant No, fuck you elephant sit Kelly pull up elephant sitting You know what Kelly don't look it up. I'm taking the bandana Sat the set once ever and they didn't sit in a chair with that thing sat sit would you pick one? So funny if you Google elephant sitting and you see an elephant sitting in a chair doing a podcast Oh, you're not crochet legs, please that's worse bandana. He just Thank you. I'll tell you the story about a joke

I got a lot of words man. I say a lot of words Lewis has a hit now all of a sudden a different add it Yeah, that looks like Lewis. That looks dead that looks like a dead elephant. That's Lewis That looks like Lewis a wide stance That's a fat that's a fat need wide stance sitting. That's the elephant. I get what you were saying, because elephants they spread their legs away. Yeah, I get it. It was just a bad joke. I thought it was a good joke, but I'll take the bon d'anna,

just because it's new. I want to know. I love the new bobby and accessories. He's the Puerto Rican elephant. Can you get your fucking awful varicose fucking calf off? They really wait on camera too. Oh God you fucking legs You really do you have the same you have the same legs as my mother We're gonna need a Puerto Rican pants policy That's some great

Nice lunch lady legs Puerto Rican pants policy Yeah Lunch lady legs Puerto Rican pants policy Super Following that Catherine Hepburn hood. I don't even know what Catherine Hepburn white Sitting like Catherine Hepburn When have you seen her say? Yeah, Bobby you fat fucking faggot what the fuck is that? We're doing we're doing white people the littleeration. I love how long it took Bob why people come up with a iteration Literation what? Literation. No, what is it? I said

Literation. There's it. It's in Literation you in literate at all You're wow. Yeah, Bob. Oh my god. There you go dude. How do you bomb on a good joke? No, you know unlikeable Unlikable you have to be to say something really good on paper and then it just stinks coming out of your mouth Joe and I watched how long it took Lewis to do that both of us were sitting here watching Lewis as he's like fucking fat Well first I think first he had to register what a iteration Me then he got that down. He's like okay

Literation I said a little ration but I said a little ration I said it the first time and that no I said I don't know I said a little ration and then he scared me out of it and I went a little ration But the first one I didn't say He fucking scared me out of it with my dumbness because Lewis for has dumb as you think he would be is not that dumb Yeah, he's dumb because Lewis has dumb as you think he would be is not that dumb. Yeah. He's dumb. He's dumb, common sense wise. He has not a fucking penny in the fucking bank.

He knows weird things like musical theater. Yeah, he's he's. Make you smart. That makes you gay. Yeah. Same gay people aren't smart. Oh. That's the opposite.

That was dumb. Yeah, you're stupid. You're literate. You're pulling your dick out. I'm a sucker. Yeah, you're stupid. You're literate. You're pulling your dick out. It was so good. Oh, cool. So anyways, I really appreciate you guys showing up too. That was awesome to see you guys after the show.

I had a blast. Bees dead out of blast. Yeah. Did he really? He really said he had a great year. He was so excited to go. Okay. I had to.

Okay, he was a happy. He was 75, he just tired probably. Okay, he was probably. You couldn't laugh at all. Thanks for getting him to get us to the late show. I okay, he was a happy 75. He just tired problem Thanks for getting up to get to the late show. Yeah, why didn't you get him to the early show and you put the baby down Why didn't you put the baby down and you come to the late show? I know because I had another show last night What you so you had to do a five minute spot of the shit club podcast? What time you put that thing down? It was not enjoyable to be around What is his kid does all take that his kid. I love his kid. It's your kid. I don't like

Bobby how old is your kid one what okay? Yeah, no sense of humor. Do you have a other one? That's it. No, that's it. Yeah, I've killed a couple like in past to max with love What about that for a special name? No, you said it twice in the first time I and so did I like it and you ignored it. You know what I was thinking? There's a sign that says there's a sign in the cell that says 200 what is it 200 people a less by law. I love that.

I thought that would be a good because that's a special name. That was my whole thing is that I don't want, I think comedy is 200 people or less. I think it's, when you go over that, it's this weird trying to make money thing, you know what I mean? The club wants to sell, you know, five, everybody's gonna go to theater. The progression was 150, 200 people in a club, that's it.

And then when you got to the point where you filled that up too much, you went to a theater. But they wanted to go, hey, well we can we'll do a 500 seat room and you can stay here and instead of going to a theater which is sucky because it's like doing a fucking show at a restaurant with 500 people that are fucking eating and drinking and fucked up which I don't I don't think it's cool you know it's a is sort of like this magical number in like anthropology or like where you can't know more than 100.

If you start naming people, you can't name more than like 150 people that you really care about. Like go back to like tribal times. I can't name five. Yeah, exactly. But so that many people, like that many people can really care about you. But after that, then you're gonna have people there

who don't know you or don't care you or don't like you as much. So 150 is like this, really. Never meet more than 150 people. Well, no, it's like last night was a part, like those were all people who bought tickets. I put the tickets up and they all sold without even going on anything. Without having, they just sold the fuck out

in the first day, there was 90, 90, and then the rest of them sold on the second day. So those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those

of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those

of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of you know, those of of you know, those of you know, those of you know I get it he doesn't like skinny people It's upsetting me Is that guy skinny? Well, he is He's here to his voice The the the best DVD extra of all time is gonna be Bobcat coming up I'll talk to your shirt. Oh on the second one classic. I mean, you gotta make that a DVD extra. Well, there's a lot of them. There's one on the first one with the guy with the handshake. The Indian dude.

That was fun. That was fun. What happened with that? I don't know. It was just a weird thing. We want to give a guy high five. I want to give him a high five and he's slowly done. I don't know. Put his hand up.

You know, I'm meant to give you all of my energy. Yeah, I was. He's saying, Aliima, Alima. It's Calima. Is it? Come on. It was so. I'm like a bomb bandana.

Give it to her. I said it wrong. Bobby, I wonder if you're giving all of my past life experience through this one hand portal. Kelly, did you just say a word wrong? Is that what I was going to say?

You just fuck up a word. I was going to say the bandana. I wasn't saying that. Yeah, Kelly.ali might would have been bad Kelly Kelly just because Louis says it doesn't mean you have to do it you fucking battered woman Kelly you got that fucking reflex that women that get in a porn have we like I'll just do it if you want me to do it Kelly here swallow this bottle cap I like that you yell yelling at her that she's battered your your your battered like that you're battering her Come on you dumb cunts

You're a woman Kelly seriously though yeah, but put that in your left tits you can even the mouse No, it's really nice one now. Thanks for winning it out of one of them shrinking No, I was just looking a little bigger than the other You can even the mouse. I know, it's really nice one now. Thanks for winning it out. It's one of them shrinking. No, one's just gotten a little bigger than the other. That's weird. No, it's very natural, Nathan. Is it natural? I don't know.

Wait, what? Ooh, look at Caldie, you're not afraid of Nathan. You're not afraid of Carrot Topps older brother. He lives in the basement. I'm older than I. 56. Your voice is mad. what the fuck is it? He's a cartoon mouse. I don't know this something up with your voice that makes me want to let you just talk the whole show

What the fuck is I don't know if this man's gonna touch me or not I mean the looks that keep coming this way Both have very high like decibel I don't know It sure is fun to be on the podcast Bob is that like oh where is going oh my god I think that's it it's on Donnelly I think I think that's it I think I think you remind me I think you remind me of a cartoon like

don't I think the food your backs where's Max oh it's over it's the way that it's the way that they play hockey viciously. They're giving that he got hockey eyes. Look, when you made a Canadian man, you stop. Back on the off-sprobe. And a Canadian man was just him saying something normally. He's going to pull your shirt over your head outside and fucking kick you in the face Then Lewis is gonna piss on you shirt. That's what you get Put that on All right, wow that was just fucking abruptly ended me and then trying to keep it going

We both jumped out, we're really surprised. Last one was authentic. Yeah, we're like, go, go, go, no, no, no, no. You wanna get in, you wanna jump in? But it was real fun, it was a real fun Titanic. Yeah, it was. Jokes. It was a Titanic. It was a Titanic.

1997 Titanic. Yeah. Not that original one. 1997 Titanic was tremendous. It's a blast. Okay, it wins its tit is involved. I don't know, I didn't know that tits could just be uneven, like that's a regular thing that has a lot of... That's a thing Kelly sells with vehicles.

No, it's an irregular thing, that's what it is. Okay, good, that's what I thought. I don't see a lot of women walk around with, I mean I can't really tell, but I don't see a lot of women walk around with like different sized tits. You can ask him and underneath clothes, you can't really. And let's your girl and I can see one tit that just over here. No, we notice it. Yeah, I know.

It kind of like balls ones lower than you. Yeah. Also, and bigger. Nathan went fatter. When Lewis said it was irregular, he was just making a joke about irregular tits. He was, it is a normal thing that happens all the time. Oh, I like not exactly symmetrical.

I like that up. Mike, I like her. I like not exactly symmetrical Literally I just saying a truth I I'm being sarcastic. We have Mike Kaplan. You know what dude That's what he does where he sits down and he's like here's what Lewis was saying Everyone actually likes each other and is having a fine time like nothing's actually being said. When does the podcast now? actually likes each other and is having a fine time like nothing's actually being said uh... when does the podcast have so many people in here that it's like an

audience where you like a killed over here with this one guy we uh... we uh... yes so last night was fucking awesome it was a great time uh... i got two sets the second show i did it i think an hour and fucking thirty i did an hour and a half but now it's all out. I have all of a gone Bobcat was fucking amazing. He the director. He directed it. He's awesome. He's fucking so cool. He's really awesome I thought we'd you know be a little more tighter than we are you know But you know where I'd maybe get a hug at the end of it

But he you know he's a guy man take it easy and let us a guard. That was a guard. Jesus Christ, Frank Sinatra. Well, you know what I mean? He says some really nice stuff. No, he's about you, a cop, which is pretty fucking cool, dude. He said, you're not gonna say this much of it, but he said he was like, Bobby Kelly, he's one of the most brilliant, comedic minds of today's times.

And he went off on a whole speech, everyone fucking clapped and cheered. And then he brought Jared Logan. I'm glad he finally got that down because he wasn't memorizing what I wrote. And I was finally, you know what else is really hard to do? Sheard and you brought Jared Logan. I'm glad he finally got that down because he wasn't memorizing what I wrote You hate Jared Logan what's up? Can I say something the reason why you didn't open for the show

Man you've got chubby me. Yeah. He, uh, he's... Fuckin' Joe, he said no. Look, I thought that was me laughing. I had to look over the workshop. I'm not laughing. Oh my god, I want you to wear a costume when you come in from now on. Just the head.

Put something on your hands. Okay, please tell me why you're seriously sad. Yeah, no, I asked Bobby if I could open up the show. Oh my God. Listen to me, I'm going to tell the fuck. I want to say to people, some people are afraid to come on the show because you're going to get attacked and it's vicious and people know when not where fucking convenience, the only thing you have to do you're going to attack, and it's vicious, and people, no, we're not. We're fucking comedians.

The only thing you have to do, and you two are fucking primates, just be yourself, and you will survive the show. You two son of a bitch is a killing. Like a big fan of complete sentences. So, it may not be a good fit point. I, I, go ahead. And who just loves everybody? I told you not to shit off.

Yeah. Lewis, what's your beef with Jared Logan, who's clearly a superior opener? Very nice guys. I think Jared's so funny. I am. You've got a half-ass special in Central, like you think it. On Central. Come on, he's in Central. We're all in comedy, so obviously.

Kelly, when you say Central. C.C. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Oh.C. Kelly Kelly Kelly. Kelly. I wish it was Cali mom. You got to fire her and get Carly stop being afraid of him. All right good.

Go ahead. Yeah, no, so I wanted I want to show you know fucking dumb street that's it in my mind. Well, yeah, no, that's what the people think when they're going to buy it or rent it. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no What do you hate, what are they gonna say? Does it, my name rhyme with a genital? Is it, can I say, yeah? Like how is it gonna be used against me? And that's the answer. Wow, I wish we could go back and time on the show. Underground.

All right, go ahead. That was great, yeah. And you chose Jared Logan, which I was surprised because you said you look, I don't think I'm gonna have an opener and then I came and then, well, some Jared Logan song. Well, Jared Logan does, I'll explain to you what Jared Logan does is he is number one

of great comedian. Yeah, fantastic. He's a funny guy. He's great. And number two, he's different than me. Number three, he is a professional warm-up guy too. He gets paid a lot of money and did me a fucking solid because we didn't have we did that we funded this whole thing ourselves I all my money went back into it let's put it that way I didn't make a fucking dime off this yet not yet but

you know I feel bad for Jim Jim Ciarraco's fucking kid the first kid's not going to college right now if this thing doesn't work just in a trade yeah he's gonna have to learn but anyways this this kid James Ciarraco elevator repairman If this thing doesn't work, just then they're gonna trade. Yeah, he's gonna have to learn the trade, right? But anyways, it's just an elevator. Elevator buddy, you know? This kid, James Cervica, elevator repairman. So, how do you know this? Oh.

So this kid, Jared came in and did me a solid. He, you know, he really did as far as what we paid him and what he usually makes. And he's a professional, that's what he does. You got fired from it Like you got it. Yeah, you got fun. You know mission. Here's another thing too. I got this is what this is what I didn't want You don't speak spout. I didn't want you going up there. I didn't I I would put some more fingers. I didn't, we really like you but we cannot use you. I would be saying this in Spanish but you would not understand it.

I would be speaking as per your response. This man we're gonna dock. That guy's on a dock. Right Spanish dock, shirtless cotton oil. Come on. Come on everybody, let's go to the dock. Let's go to my boat. So we, here's the thing though Lewis, I didn't want on my special as this. First of all, I didn't want you coming up to me going, dude. What are you asking a million questions?

Bobby, what are you doing? Jared didn't ask me one fucking, he's just like, dude, whatever you need, have a great show. It's gonna be awesome. I'm here feet, what I mean, and just did a thing. You would have been up on the thing, dude, so you nervous? What do you do? Fuck, and then this is what I didn't want to. I didn't want you to go up there and be thing, dude, you nervous. What do you- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why are you such a bad guy? Coming from you. Yeah, you know, why is Lewis on this podcast and not Jared? Oh. And here he is, Jared Lewis. Good, I Lewis.

Good, I Lewis. Good, I Lewis. Hi guys. Hey, that was good. So you're so great. I mean, but that was mainly, I wanted, he's a professional at it, he's the best at it, he's very different to me.

You're very similar to me too, and I just wanted a guy to do that. I didn't want you to, I didn't want to, you wanna go on stage and then have someone's shadow boxing before you're on stage, so you want him to become. You can't, that's a hard one. That's a hard one. Wow, that's right, Kelly.

I just, it in. You didn't want to go on stage, you look over and see someone doing something and you're like, what are you doing? That's what I was doing. Oh, different version of what you just said, Bobby. Bobby, I just took what you did and then I made it longer and then you never pointed. Bobby, let me smile for you, said in a weird voice. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I love he's an audience I'm here to As back and buddy. All right, so I'm just by the way you know I am I listen buddy Absolutely, yeah, I did genuinely want to open the show But I also do understand why you would want yeah the main thing I like Jared is way different than you

And he's way different but way and he's really great and he's funny. He's just up saying he's great and funny, and that's the reason that he's on and not made you piece of shit. No, I look, I've had you open for me a million. How many times have I brought you with me? How many times, I mean, what the fuck? You know, I think.

For the day that counts. Yeah. But all those times felt very unspecial. Yeah, they weren't. It was fucking unspecial. You're a regular. No, I would, I would definitely, I mean, you know, they weren't. It was fucking unspecial. But regular. No, I would definitely, I mean, you know, I wouldn't- I do your next one, Bobby.

I couldn't afford you. No. Is this the one time the real-ass dudeness, like what do you work? What? Like is this like the real-ass dude? Because that's his thing, I'm like, I'm gonna I lost you work.

No, everyone let Kelly do this. Good. No, seriously, what is the question? The question is, I didn't understand the question. Kelly, that's Kelly do this guy. No seriously, what is the question? The question is I didn't understand the question Kelly just let everybody know I didn't really I know what you mean did this did him being such a real astute because he doesn't Ben for anybody Yeah, let me stop let me help Kelly out go ahead answer that

Okay, there you go You're calling Jared Logan a fake ass dude. Yeah. Jared's great. I know, he was really fantastic and I've been a fan of his ever since I did his and derosa show back in the day. But he's just that's what he does man. And he got the crowd great.

He knew when to fucking, you know, that's a hard thing to do to get up there and deal with these people. They came to see a show. They've been sitting for a few minutes. It's a little weird. This camera's everywhere. Not everybody's comfortable because the seating was a little, it's a small, small venue. And it was great. He did a great job. And you got to fucking enjoy the show and watch and hang out and just be part of it. You know, I get one of those passes. I did get a V.I. I want one of those for my pass. I got a pass those passes. I did get a V. I Want one of those for my past. Yeah, I got passes that as a pass. I swear to God

I don't know what this is What was that big baby? He's on my chest. He said Didn't even know it was comedy but it was a Oh, I thought we were going to an alienation meeting. I had the same problem. He told me things. This is hilarious. Joe, you were there though, right?

I was there. You had the experience? I went to both shows. It was exciting. It was great. You don't need the past, just remember. I have, like, a keepsake. I will get you both past.

All everybody past. By the way, you could just print out Bobby's 13-year-old headshot and wait all access next to it. That was actually done this year. That head shot? Yeah. It was down in the hallway, down the hallway of the seller. Yeah, he was on the fifth step looking down.

I was stretching my neck out. It's the perfect angle with all the fucking top light. Yeah. But I lost the perfect amount of weight to shoot that special. You look great, are you looking great? Like your outfit was good, you look in shape, it was good dude. Can I tell you, when I was in San Francisco,

I got super high by myself. Yeah. And I was going through a drop box folder that we share. Yeah. And I found all those headshots, and I wanted to call you to make fun of you because I was having such a good time in my room doing it by myself.

And you didn't pick up, and it's the most disappointed I've ever been. You should leave a message. I was going to, but I needed his reaction, because I didn't know if things were gonna be, you know. Well, how about the thing that we're doing now with Snapchat between me and you? It's the funniest thing.

You're really fucking got me. You gross me out. I almost tapped out, did you? Exactly. We do Snapchat, you know what Snapchat is? I do. Snapchat for the people that don't know who are over 50 listening to this show. It's an app where you leave, I don't know, maybe six to 20 second videos. You think they know what an app is? The people who don't know

what Snapchat is? The word app? The mozzarella sticks, buffalo wings. Yeah. Yeah. That's, thank you. Call up in your office. Name all of the things on the planet, and then get to snap, Jeff. I'm, I'm a steak now. I apologize for interrupting. No, I was, I was, I think it's fine. I do think they know what it is though. Okay.

I think people know what apps are, but I think it's, it's just, but the video, the photo goes away. Yeah. So immediately deletes. It's immediately deletes. It's made for people to send dick and post pictures. Absolutely. Can you tell the quick screen? No, let's the other person know you're trying to take a screenshot. It tells you if you do. You can do it and it actually

there's news now that says they're not disappearing. They're actually the company. They got some they're holding lots of them. So yeah, they got some good stock video about. Oh my god dude. Well, they mean then every day, pretty much every day. We skip a day here though, but we take a video of us of shitting the. Yeah, but the actual plop. We just video tape our face and it's always silent and then you you can you hear it. You hear like that. Yeah, and and Dan's I actually heard the mish Yeah, and Dan's I actually heard the mush Of it cut like it was was the play dough coming out of the machine. I heard when I when I was happening I was like this is my hit. This is my free. Yeah, I got a new app for you guys a scat chat So yeah, he's he took a shit and you could hear the mush Which is just an awful sound and then the plop and then he went

and he went It was such a perfect like you know, you know, fucking funny You have to be to think to do the wink the old school 1920s. Thanks a lot kid You know, you heard it come from my colon, where it wasn't it was fucking Because you have to turn the volume up so I said you won the next day I was I can turn this fucking volume up and you heard the plot. It sounded like Like it got loaded and then blocked in yeah, how many how many of the things have been? By the way, I also let you know this. 20.

That for the first week we started doing this, I was sending my girlfriend me shitting videos. And I would have to send another Snapchat, like no, that was for Bobby. She had to have a sit down with me. She was like, can you please stop doing this with Bobby? They would do it. I'm getting shit videos.

Why? They're doing it before Snapchat. This VHS is I love I love the Joe Joe is Lucid it Liz brain is always working for a funny joke and then and then there's Lewis who doesn't Lewis is still thinking of a Literating like, let's say I could go ask Paul, Apple, Lewis's machine shuts down. If it's not on, it's shut down. He's the order of those, Apple.

Joe is always working in the background like a computer. Lewis is a fucking diesel engine. It's on or fuck it off. Lewis is a human lawnmower Then gets going wow dude put both of them give him that one and that one Tell me you know why cuz you did the fucking sound and it's good. I was I go in intervals I'll go two minutes on one minute off where I'm just blinking out. I really just out of it right now But I think the first show was fucking great. I thought the first show was unbelievable, dude. I thought, here's the thing. You were fucking it. Here's what I like about the whole special in general. It's just like long. It feels like a one-man show almost. It's a story. There was a beginning and middle and an end. Right.

I'm saying it. I grew up with different did. Did people in the neighborhood? You know what I did? Just one fucking spotlight on Bobby. Boston. The 70s. And then a slide show comes up of my uncle on a fucking Monte Carlo with teetops. And a house Bobby.

In front of a... Different back then, Dad. My mother in front of a weeping willow tree holding me and my sister. Shit. Yeah, I thought the first one was awesome. The second one was a rowdy of crowd, a little crazier crowd, and it was a little more energy.

But we got it. But here's the thing, as comics, I'm all done, we do all the stuff, we do the front. It's gonna be very cool, because I'm literally gonna walk the streets around here. They got all these shots and we walk it, and then I just opened the door to the village underground, go in and then I'll go right on stage. Wait, so you didn't do that already?

No, we did that last night. Wait, oh, so you did already walk around the neighborhood and then? We did that after the show last night. We did a little weird shit. There's a, you know, there's a, we kept at the end. A jerked up a homeless guy. Fuck, extreme. Lewis, we're talking about Bobby right now.

Bobcat. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. I love it. I fucking love it.

I guess this is a homeless guy. Ah. Ah. So, ah. We're talking about Lewis right now. So yeah. It's so easy to do. You have it and then you lose it.

You know the stuff. That was good. At the end where we were, I was turning around, I was like, everybody was plotting, I would turn. We did that because the great Howard Porter is gonna take the last shot where I turn to the camera, and then you have me looking at the camera breaking the fourth wall and all the people behind me

applauding or laughing or whatever, he's gonna draw that and then it's gonna fade into that drawing. Like an all-hovering? What? Is that gonna be the cover? That's kind of a cool cover. Yeah. I'll be dude. I'll be dude. I'll be dude. In a dude or two? I'm on board with it. That'll be great. I'll be dude. So yeah, that's why we were doing all that weird stuff.

And then we had to do, um, um, we haven't him draw, not me. But I, I, What's so great about this Howard Porter? I could draw. Howard Porter I could draw By the way, I will draw the same drawing and we could have a competition to meet how Why do you always what is that thing with you? You love to have you love setting up competitions for yourself? I'm alive. I'm asking there was yeah, there was a question mark as you know, I'm confident anyway

We'll be right back so There was yeah, there was a question mark as a competition anyway, we'll be right back So Don't fuck do you want to know? Yes, you're gonna come up with a better answer No, I never grew up playing sports and I never father so I think now that I'm like older I didn't have a dad you know a dad. Hey, look at out draw Howard Porter You guys are having a didn't have a dad off Yeah, I had fucking eight deaths. I think that's worse. Yeah, that's no you win you got the most That's as many dead you be Lewis you be me too. Yeah, if you're zero

My dad didn't get murdered. Why does it sound terrible coming out of him when we say it's dead then ran away What what did you do? What was wrong with your dad? Did dad pass away? No, no, no, he just fucked off. He had he got my mom from Halifax Nova Scotia. I love Halifax. You know why you do Boston right? Yes, Boston and Halifax are sister cities. You know your tree that comes from Halifax over you the Christmas tree That's in the like the big square Boston, Christian. Yeah, that's from that's from where I'm from Why are you saying we're sister cities because in okay? You're both women you're gay hilarious We suck dicks on boardwalks

No, no Women suck You gotta fucking stay with it man. Don't let these cocksuckers derail I'm gonna go through this door no matter what happens. There's a lot of gale force winds happening Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha one of them is full of ammo and it fucking huge goddamn exposed built the whole city right goddamn thing yeah okay you guys send us a tree yes yeah fucking memory we built that city these fucking cracks I can't build

I'm gonna know what Boston didn't come up and fucking what do we do what do we do uh help people there was a blizzard after that you were like people came up and helped and and did shit yeah so what are you fucking downplaying it for oh I'm just sitting in rebuild the city like I'm gonna school in a Boston Let's get a Bobby What are you doing for Boston as well my ass hurts a little like to stand up? Yeah, another layer on other than a thin layer of small No, no, not having a dad makes your ass hurt earlier than if you had a dad

That's just a fact my ass hurts right now too. So your dad your dad just left you and your mom. Yeah, then he came back Got her pregnant again and left again Your mom has done how many years later About two and a half Yeah, same dad Gary would have dumped some more baby. Give him my mom. I would have Gary Coleman Dump some more baby goo in my mom. I would have Gary Coleman Just pounded at your mom a young Gary gold. This fucking six foot seven just blasted And mom's name again you know stand out fucking dude. You know stand how he just what a piece of shit

Lewis as he goes damn your mom's dumb Is one of the funniest things ever heard of this show? Let him I mean she was like fucking 21 That's not the first time I've heard that we let him I mean she was like fucking 21 She got ready. Where who's the ready? He is but my mom my My grandmother also has right here. That's why my my mom like me my mom don't look alike at all But you need to have that gene or he couldn't fucking right here's weird you can't even if I have if I make a baby Like I might not be able to make a baby with that has read head

It's not as red headed Irishman coming in put in one of them got it disappear and whatever that mean those aren't the same thing. I mean country. Please. Thank you. Yeah, by the way I don't even like that dude. They're not really fuck this they are they're completely Different it's fucking like New Jersey and Connecticut and this was whoa New Jersey and Connecticut are two to all right hang on stop right now Oh All right hang on stop right now Sluis you just kicked the fucking blood I'm not touching anything over here

So do you immediately go to blame me Well you're standing up it looks horrifying What happened? No the blood? No I didn't touch anything over here dude I'm standing right here I'm still going if the lights went The lights went that's gotta be here It's gotta be here I did it because I had to go put money in my mind Look out, all right go put money in your meter.

We're gonna take a break real quick. Anybody who's listening, we're gonna take a break. We'll be back after we fix the problem here with the system. Lewis, as soon as you stood up, something happened. No, it was literally five minutes after I stood up. No, it was-

It's been standing up for like five minutes. All right, we'll be back after these commercial muscle use, clock second. Dig. All right, check this out. Kelly Fah Stuka, Adrian, the new, the fucking new and improved Scopo. Scopo fucking 2.7. He's supersaded.

Scopo didn't put the water out today. I fucking put the water out. You put it out, but you didn't put in in front of the microphones. I put it all in one thing. I should not have to tell you to do that. You wouldn't have done that. You would have put't put it in front of the microphones. I should not have to tell you to do that. You wouldn't have done that. You would have put it all out in front of your microphone.

Oh, you are slowly creeping up, my friend. Just hang in there. I hope you fuck up and you get douched and it's the week where like a huge sponsor comes on and we all start getting paid. Yeah. You just hung back to selling garbage. And then like my, the show pops, like the show gets picked up at effects, my special pops and goes nuts.

And I start just bringing all you guys with me everywhere. And I'm still the grizzly pair. Ah, I love it. You choose day at 12.30. We just see you screaming out front when you know we're doing. Take me back. It's a sinkhole. Adrian! Adrian!

Adrian! Adrian! Do you guys have a terrible relationship with your sock drawer? I do. I'll tell you that. Okay, boring colors, missing socks, worn out pairs. I hate my sock drawer, because here's the thing. First of all, my wife doesn't, she'll wash my socks, but then she doesn't match them

sometimes, and then she doesn't match them sometimes. And then she'll put them inside out. So I gotta get the sock and I gotta put it inside out and she keeps every friggin' sock on. There's nothing better than a new pair of socks in the world. It's fresh, it's nice, it's worse, grab a pair of socks and it's dirty on the bottom or a hole in it or you gotta mismatch socks, it stinks.

Okay, starting fresh, usually means choosing bottom or a hole in it or you got a mismatched socks it stinks okay starting fresh usually means choosing between cheap poor quality blacks and grays or spending a fortune on designer socks it stinks it stinks you got I got gray socks in my draw. I got these black, anglitz socks that mismatch, some of them blue, some of them red stripes. Oh, they, I don't know. I don't know. It's a nightmare, okay?

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Scopo. And we're back. Here we go, bang, bang, bang. Bang bang. All right, man, we're back waiting for Joe Lister to come back. Joe Lister, have you been in the room since you did Lermann? Have you been here since you did Lermann? Well, thank you, Kelly, for bringing that up. That's why Kelly, you know, I don't know if you've been in the room since you did Lohman. What? Have you been here since you did Lohdemont? No.

Well, thank you, Kelly, for bringing that up. That's why Kelly, you know, I don't care how much shit you give this girl. She is, she is, um, because I love Joe. I have no idea. We're talking about her, but I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm a little worried. She's just looking at Nathan's eyes again and just losing her soul.

He's adorable. You know what, great. Look at him. Look at him love. You know what, great. Look at him. Look at him laugh. You look like a dog. Like a good dog laughing when you laugh. What kind of shit can you talk about? You want to talk about making that the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the

whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the

whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of the whole rest of I was gonna say something mean. I was gonna say, so does Kelly's boyfriend. I'm sorry, Kelly. I didn't even understand what he said. Oh, God. Is that a burn on me? Who got burned?

Who was trying to leave her out? I was here to do it. I was here to do it. I was really happy right now. That was great. Can I say one thing about this last night, a dawn was at the table last night? Yeah. And you're doing your bits about don, whatever. Yeah. And then Lewis, like a creeper,

would have left and then look over back at dawn. Every time we talked about Evagina. And to see if she was laughing. Yeah. She actually, she, I'll be honest to you, she actually mentioned that to me and was like fucking really disturbed by that. That's not true. Absolutely. She'd mentioned me looking at her, she said, she was laughing. She said, every time she goes first of all, Bobby, she goes every time you would talk about me, which is a little weird.

It was the first, she goes, it was the first time I was weirded out at one of your shows. She goes every time, Lewis would look back at me and be like, like a creeper. Yeah, like looking for her for approval to laugh. That's not true, hold on, what I wanted to do was.

Bobby, that is not what you heard from that person. That was what you heard. I you just did Lewis in a nutshell. That's what a fucking narcissistic ludicrous. My wife did not say that to my face. I think you're lying. Competition. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Two things. Yes. Number one, the had I done. You better have two things, too, because you're always two think and you have one thing and then you make up the second Thing I wouldn't have been at the table to look at your wife. Yeah Had had I had fucking sanity you wouldn't have been fucking here right now You just blame Jared Logan again. Yeah, this man's wise. You'll fall

Number number two, I it's an interesting number two, as a comedian, when I'm fairly honest as a comic, and I want to tell stories about my chick or my kid, typically they're fairly honest. I thought it's an interesting dynamic to kind of see the person that the joke is about right there. And the only reason I looked at her was to kind of like, go like, wait, I want to see how much of this stuff is true. Like you're doing I looked at her was to kind of like go like,

wait, I want to see how much of this stuff is true. Like you're doing a joke about her sucking your dick on a rock for an ice cream cone. So yeah, I looked at her because she's across the table for me. I'm going, wait a minute. I've heard the joke a million times, but I've never seen Dawn react to it. So there's an interesting thing just as an observer.

Yeah, it was a little weird. I'm imagining Dawn sucking your dick on a rock. Yeah, I'm getting hot. That's like the looks kind of. Oh, not Kelly. I mean, it's a little me. Sorry. Well, you're making a little weird. I'm imagining dawn's second your dick on a rock. Yeah, I'm getting hard That's like the looks kind of Kelly I mean as a little you Sorry, well you're making a little yeah, it was a little weird with dawn there and then the jokes I was like oh, yeah Now it's my fault. Yeah, it's positive guys. So what should I do?

Who's definitely a creeper was he? So should I was a Joe list can I tell you guys I have a girlfriend now that I was telling a girl friend. Yeah, I do I do Bobby, no, I'm kidding. No, I don't understand. You don't think that okay Bruneb Yeah, I don't get it either. OK, so I was in the loop. She lives in L.A. and I was performing. I told a joke about her vagina for the first time on stage in front of her.

And I just sort of started seeing her. And my friend, Zach, was like with her in the crowd. And as he told the joke and he looked at her, and she looked at him, and he was like, it's an honor, isn't it? It's just to be immortal. I've been a joke. And she liked it. I mean, that's the thing.

It's like, if you're dating a comedian that tells jokes about your vagina, you have to know. But, the name of the special immortalized in a joke? Well, here's the thing, but does a sweaty, fucking creepy Puerto Rican have to look at you? Oh, no, that shouldn't happen. Yeah, yeah. But if it would have been your fucking grandfather sitting there in your town jokingly.

He's dead. Well, he was there in spirit. No, I'm kidding, Louis, she didn't say anything. You know, I know she was there. You know, one of the why I know she was there. Because you're fucking awesome. No, because I wasn't actually looking at her anywhere. Yes, yes, you were. I looked over a few times. Yeah, you did a few times. But how was that creepy? Bobby's wife actually said to me, she felt uncomfortable. You would have laughed and you would have like You would laugh and lie in my head

And like go like this and then look back No I know I know Hold on by the way He says creepy has missed a ropa on three's company That fucking ropa star You were born in the 80s You quote me You quote me

We were playing with the babies and with the rattles And she bent down You quote me looking at her boobs I admit it to that I'll admit that because I'm a real ass dude I would never not do that No, you by you saying that you yeah, you're such a shit person. You're just a shit I wasn't being creepy at the show last night. He knows exactly what he didn't do because he knows exactly what he was thinking about

Wanting to do is like if I was a creep Right, and so we can tell you exactly what didn't happen. I love how you are deconstructing this cut. So perfectly. Because he just gets me and everybody else mad. We're like, ah! That'll be the name of my next podcast is DeCunt Struction. It was quick too. I liked it. The title.

I liked it. I liked the content. Yeah, instruction. You got to be an actor. Joe, you did your Letterman. Enough about me. Let's talk about you. What did you think of me last night?

You were great. I thought you were of me last night? You were great. I thought you were great, and boy, it was exciting. I was having to be in the little green room bus thing after. It was great. We actually wanted to know about your letter, man. Well, we do. Here's the thing, I didn't watch it live. I saw it, I think the next day, I watched it,

and it was fucking, it was really great, man. I mean, I've seen comics on these shows and sometimes it can just be, they really hack it up. I don't mean hack it up. No, I don't mean hack it up. I mean, they rip your act apart. They chop it up so much where it's not what it is. And you can tell it affects people.

Joe went out and fucking, he was, I mean, on the money. It was the second time I've seen you this year, where I was impressed. I was almost, almost, I almost, I was at two times. But I've seen you do stand up and you great. But the first time I saw you do stand up, Joe, you were good when you were drinking, but you were not as good as you are fucking now. I fucking will say that you were, I mean, the first time you opened for me at the Wilbur, I heard all this shit about you and great. I was like, all right, let's have, then you did it.

I was like, I don't see it. You were kind of weird. No, seriously, you weren't as good now. You are a fucking rock. Oh, thank you. I was drunk for Letterman. Axis Live was a fucking amazing. You fucking killed it.

And Letterman, you fucking killed it. You are a per, you know what I said? Tell me. And I mean this, you would be a perfect replacement for let him in. Yes, I was gonna say, Oh, thank you. You're gonna make people that said that this week. I thought teeth.

And the fuck off, it's what he, have you seen his teeth? Yeah, that's why, you're saying that as an advantage, right? Yeah. That's what, it looked like his letterman said look like he was doing a monologue on his own shirt. Yeah, that's how he came from. Yes, he could Yeah. That's my... It looked like his letterman set looked like he was doing a monologue on his own show. Yeah. That's all he could.

Yes, he could, I looked at you and I was like, and I said this to Serpico, I go, he should have his own show. Very, someone should try to get him a talk show because he's perfect, because he's self-deprecating, but he's intelligent and his jokes are fucking perfect and he would be a great interviewer, because he's fast as a fucking sniper.

He's quick as a fucking scorpion. He's a snapper as a fucking rattlesnake. Are you John King and Joe List? He's like, only in, only on you know what, dude. He's just, he's things like a scorpion. Did, can I just... The first one you're naming attributes to animals that that's not even the thing about them.

Scorpions are fast Yeah, they have that fucking thing goes. They're things go quick They're things go quick. He said it was fast as a sniper. Yes, quick as a scorpion They're all fast things and then and then Sniper as a sniper stays in one I Was I've never wanted the description award Now when you you come out you're the guy who you're the Ed McMahon, but you're like okay guys

I can't Have Dan do it and then you come out I What I can't you know what's I'm gonna stop you right now Dan and you need to fucking do whatever you need to do have a coffee Or you need to reboot because you fucking whatever mood swing you've had since the fucking lights went up because fatso's foot hit the core as a viper Something I'm still here. Oh, yeah, no, I do I know you Man, come on dance you fucking monkey. Oh, so was that your Don King impression is like is that a good impression? I was doing my Don King is all you in a mirror

That was doing Bob M. Do I was doing a real Don King? I completely understand but when I was getting Don Ken doing Bobby? Ah, that's tough. You know what do? Oh, you know what do you? Oh, I love my wife. I really love my wife. Now do you show doing Nathan? I fucking can't.

I'm from Canada. You know, house burned down, right? Now do Kelly. Just have sex with Kelly. I got teached in the game of throne beginning tips. Dun-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un. Kelly Quick Joe list is and I remember growing up For a brief moment Mike just hosted the show better than Bobby ever has

You got to to get a point across on the show You gotta here's a thing it's right. It's like waves you gotta let the waves come in and there's gonna be a little Little break and that's when you swim Too far away and then I said like fucking bandana dead bandana for your point that you tried to make nine minutes ago for your point that you try to make nine minutes ago. I did. Scrooing bandit. Oh, I'm scared. Can you never do half Bobby's voice and then half your regular voice mid-sentence? That was uncomfortable.

It's Bobby transforming. He's like, yeah, you know what? It's true, it's true. Why was your point? List has got Conan like quickness to him. When I used to watch Conan interview people. Conan the barbarian. Oh my god again

Fourth and one is third and one in Canada No, they left no we know it after me being angry that you we laughed at Dan being angry at your shittiness But Joe lists Letterman was fucking fantastic. It might be my top two favorite sets of my friends. What's crazy is that I would say you a lot, Joe, there's so many more jokes that I fucking love that weren't even on that set. Well, thank you.

You did five minutes. I should have gone longer. You run the lights, because that keeps going. I just can't even imagine how you could do that much time. Man, hey, can I hang on one second. You did go over, right? You went over your time because it went into... Letterman, they let you.

Letterman, they say, do four and a half minutes in a club and then whatever it is on the show, just do it. Yeah, they said, don't just do, there's no time thing. So you, I don't know how long I did. It was like between five and six, I think. Yeah, I think you't just do it. There's no time thing. So what do you see you? I don't know how long I did it was like between five and six I think yeah, I think you're like 40 Oh my wow laughs in a plot yeah, what is six of Brooks what is the point dickhead? What was it training well first of all did you have to say that did you got a colorado Spray and Running the mountains I had a high turn There's no way easy way out

I just completed it and did like six Stop it that's who he looks like Rick Rikroll Astley yeah We're gonna let you Don't go too long I'm gonna hurt you No we're gonna get a little hop

You but you look like him now So Joe here's what I want to know I want to know how he could possibly do six or three minutes. Oh, whoa. Yeah, I think that's talking about. I was thinking about it. No, it's not. Other picks that I know. You guys, you do it all five on cheating. Yeah. It's gonna be amazing.

Kelly. I'm gonna be out of doing it. Kelly, listen to me out of the bucket. Oh, I'm falling. I'm falling. Hey, is there like an anti-bandana? Is there? Joe, I want to know what he said to you after you said.

Whatever he said it is on air. He didn't say anything else. He said, very funny. And then he was like, nicely done, Joe, funny stuff. That's it. But he did laugh. You can't even hear him laugh on the show. I did hear him laugh.

I was head back at one point. I did. But it didn't tell me. Yeah, now the producer, I bought the the two head riders. Won't they? Great. Hair care meets high fashion. A Vedas holiday collaboration with Couture Fashion Designer Iris Von Herpenn is now available for you. A gift collection inspired by our planet. Every gift is a celebration of artistry and nature, featuring high performance, 100% vegan, her, body y self-care gift sets.

¡Discover gift of luxury at eveta.com! consulta con tu médico de siempre. Con programas especializados. Otro paso, cuida tu mente. Y otro, ficio digital. Cada año queremos que disfrutes de la asistencia médica presential y digital que mereces. Dal paso a Sanitas y disfruta ahora de bluayud durante un año gratis. Pulsan el banner para saber más. whatever the guy's name is there and it was great. I really did, I really, I'm glad that everybody else is getting that exactly what I got as it.

You should be hosting a late night show. And I think that if you keep writing these monologues, if you keep doing these monologues and keep getting them, and that's what you should be doing, and you should be sending them into shows, and you should be trying to get on more of these shows this year. You will be one of those guys.

Welcome to Are You Mad at Me? With a show list! What a whole evening! I'm wondering if the guests are mad at him. That's a good idea. Hey, you fucking, you look pretty pissed. You got me flipped. You got me flipped.

You got me flipped. We've never met. Why would I be mad at you? Uh-huh. Will you be in George Clooney? I think doing the rock Jonathan is mad at me. Fucking from his new movie fucking have you bad damn sure. He's fucking pissed We're gonna need you to not say fucking as much as a network show Can you say blinking?

Can you man this guy needs a jolless show? Yeah, Can you put those glasses over your mouth so I can see it? Every time you guys are like, Joe, you should go to show Dan acts it out better than I ever could. I think I should just write for Dan. You've had an impression of him. Every single person you've brought up, which is pretty great. It was super hacking. I mean, super 80s were like let me weird yeah

then so good at naming the people he can do impressions of doing them real ass mic good ass and this was 87 then would be a multi-million I would be so coked out in a hotel room and and some colaflutter you know what some police had on from doing another academy yeah guys they said they're going to bring me back for six real quick let me let me go in this let me go on this chat room real quick Lewis needs to sit down The show the show was good last night good really the word good all right, I'd rather have you just say it's sorry

That was beast dead right now beast that's like who was that list list is great that's true thank you uh... my guy give him my number list mouth is so small he can't open wide enough to see his teeth don't oh oh when you when you're worried about people you should he teeth uh... this mouth is so small the rattle gets me hard who's rattle dance or louis is the american rattle snake or portabick and rattle snake go to my new website portabick and rattle snake dot com portabick and spot did you buy that yeah and excellent

louis is trying everything to make it, except writing good jokes. Oh, keep in mind. He has go daddy a bunch of different firemen. This is still going to real beating today. Good. Good. Oh, boy.

What the hell? No, no, no, no. He's just going to phrase her out this time. Wait, this is what you do. You're the one. I'll take a quick little quick, little story right here. Yeah, when I was a kid, two things. When I was a kid, who was that kid? I hate your stories. I love it kid.

Well, can you, and over the other world, Holtzon, and I had to eat my share with whatever the prey was? But I had to wait behind for scraps. I had to go out behind Kish, Krispy Kreme every night. And when they threw the doughnuts out, I would get the first ones and pass them out to the smaller kids. Lewis has been taking a beating all day. I think she'd give them his time with his chubby fucking spread apart

knees. I love to tell his dumb story. What up was in high school? There was a high school. High school? High school? High school? He was at a high school. I was hanging outside of my high school. High school? High school? High school even high school. He was at a high school.

He was at a high school. That was hanging outside of a high school. Hey, you can walk by a high school if you want. I'm free for a week ago. Lewis is getting a pound, and Lewis is getting a pound. Damn you. It fucking clock sucker. I have to have to have a second go.

I, well, do you have to go? I have to leave in like 15 minutes. Yeah, that's 15 minutes. Well, I was making sure, dude. Listen, you just go when you 15 minutes. Yeah, that's 15 minutes. I was making sure I did listen you just go when you got to go okay, I Also, this is why I'm pissed at you Bobby. Can you not ever point angrily and aggressive lately? Because you fucking enable that and I She'll say something she literally said a word and you went oh shit

Kelly's fucking down and you let me say this when I was a kid I don't like his hand. He just shuts everybody Never fucking big Fuck and you rape them You know we feel everybody every time he's trying to talk every time he's trying to talk you give me every Every every time you try to talk he's fucking look at you Not making every every time you try to talk he's fucking look at you I didn't you give me shit about not coming on the show what speaking seriously and just make I don't say that I can't even get a sentence out. I haven't said that here's it

Lewis you're you're getting a little crazy, dude. You got to chill out. You're getting too sensitive right now What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? You enable that shit. I listen Lou. I just, she said, what did you say? He can. She said, what did you say? I remember guys, she said, good. Yeah, I was like, I mean, you're acting like, I don't do that with you when you say something fat of her.

That's not the point. You could mean elephant but go. It was funny. Richard's, by the way, one of the best lines Lewis has ever had. Yeah, I didn't get mad at like this. I thought, I mean, I, we laughed at that. I'm trying to be serious. She said one thing that was actually, I was like, oh oh shit and you take every week you do that Lewis you enable you're not on every week

You're on every other fucking one. He explained this to Lewis. I Lewis is being a fucking pussy right now I can areas Lewis. Do you remember Mad Max? Do you remember the villain master? I don't hear what you're saying right now, Dan I get you telling a story, but I'm just gonna talk over it right now. Hey Lewis. No, you're not you're not Lewis Lewis you're not gonna fucking do that you're not gonna fucking do whatever the fuck you want You're being sensitive you getting you being a cut you get into pounding I was trying to I was trying to tell a story about my special and I was getting smashed the whole thing and I let everybody go and then I go back to my story

That's what happens you're acting like one fucking thing this fucking chick said one thing I Want to have the problem? Yeah, but yeah, but yeah, but yeah guys, please let Dan explain why Lewis is mad As a Lewis translate. Yeah, go ahead as one is Christ. I am fully fluent in Gomez Yeah, go ahead and I'll tell you this Lewis Bobby and Kelly are like yeah Amy Good girl Bobby and Kelly are like Bobby's name. Yeah, well no bot. It's like master blaster Can we do did anybody and then he throws her after you? It's you gonna understand that it's kind of you don't worry about him worry more about her and go back to the Oli

Frazier that we love watching I first of all point that I'm trying to make the point that I'm trying to make is that Bobby enables her She says retarded things and then he but you say retarded things I didn't even listen, but you know, I'm you listen in don't say because I don't agree with you that I'm not listening I'm a fucking intelligent human being. I'm a grown fucking man So I fucking listen don't tell me I'm not listening because I'm a fucking intelligent human being. I'm a grown fucking man. So I fucking listen Don't tell me I'm not listening because I don't agree with you All I fucking did you fuck is I just said ah so I do the same thing with you

I do the same thing with everybody I when you guys make fun of me It's just because it's her and I said something about she said something to you and you get all fucked up No, the last time I was on the show What because she said one thing you're not this point I'm actually legitimately trying to make a point. I make the fucking point and then I don't make I'm gonna Let you make the point go make the point right now. Go ahead the point that I was making was when I was a kid There was a kid was a terrible I thought we're out of the story The fuck do we can you make the point with right now no need to fucking

the several all right i got i got it is the game of the ball right there goes out of the

poll let's go it's gonna go ahead that you can't do a voice go ahead and

the the the are you sure is self-opposy? Okay I diagnosed them with fagdom to see that earlier go ahead I'm sorry you the bus I could just pitch you the bus You the bus I could just pitch you the bus Huuuuh! Duh! BEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEE Gov'n Bill. I know. Well, let's not get serious. Fred, tell the story. No, my fun. No, listen, you're trying to tell the story. We're having a good time.

Well, let's not do that. Go ahead, Joe. One, two, yes. And then take four seconds. Soda can nail any voice, whatever voice. Andre, Machu Man, you can develop new ones. But a good old fashion Soda retard voice. It's been great, eh? It's like a fart. It's classic. It really is classic. It really is. Look at the best. That's the weirdest compliment Soda's retard voice is like a fart. All right, so you're on the bus with this retarded kid

I End up being good now. Dude, I know the story and it makes her point. It makes you point go ahead Lewis I'm listening. I'm really listening to I'm really listening to you I don't want you to think that I I'm against you in any way. I'm all I'm 100% for you No, it's not about you being against me. Well, this sounds like it's helping this fucking retard out for no reason Okay, but why am I supposed to do with that? No, that's like you just call their fucking retard She is in a but oh Like you did for her. Oh you fucking dumb You just call their fucking retard

Want to do that Go ahead tell the story you're on the bus We're caught we're taught to get in the same bus me there was all the thing is really dirty You can't see that sense. Lewis, Lewis. We know that sense. You got to stop passing that out. We got to stop saying that sense. Start the middle. You got to go. You can't see the sense.

There was a retarded kill in the same bus. You can't. We know that part now. Because we were to get on the bus. Yeah, we get that you were retarded and you were retarded kids on a bus. There's one of them on the bus. He's so funny. He looked at it. It was me. I hear you. We get that you are retarded and you're with retarded kids on a bus Lewis Lewis used to be retarded he worked his way to this

This is proud good for you Lewis You because you're enabling her and you're not letting her come out of her retard dumb like Lewis. Okay, there you go. We get it. No, just move past the bus. Start in the middle of the day. There's another kid named Dan who I was friends with. I became friends with him later on and he was a really nerdy kid. And all these kids would pick on him all the time. And then one time you two are in now right?

Right. Yeah. The retarded kid. One day all the cool kids were encouraging this retarded kid to pick on my nerdy friend Dan And he wasn't my friend at the time, but I remember watching it happen and basically this kid Dan was in a position because he couldn't Punch this retarded kid in the face because he was retarded. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? It's because you look like an asshole, right? So we had to just take it from this retarded kid So unfair so when you are you're the cool kids on the bus encouraging this retarded kid to pick on me

I'm just gonna know punching the retarded kid wait wait wait wait wait Nathan go ahead and they did that that story has nothing to do with this rules it does no It does hold on it's ridiculous the fact is is that if you can't take shift from a retarded kid You're retarded well You understand me if a retarded kid is going, you're fucking stupid. And you don't look and go, holy shit. I, okay. Here's, here's, here's.

You understand? I see the point that I've been there myself. Lewis is saying, you are the popular kid egging on Kelly the retarded kid to pick on Lewis. First of all, I am, keep punching the retarded kid. Can we just stop right now? I am the least, I am the least popular guy on the show Okay, okay, yeah, that's his Kelly being like no, but hey

I am this here's the thing though Kelly It just said one thing and I went oh no that happens all the time. Yeah I but I do it to everybody all the time. I'll do it to Dan and it's a misfire may I don't know if it's funny I was like ooh and it didn't work, but you guys here's the thing though. I'm gonna explain something to you guys you guys Fucking hate Kelly you do you don't like Kelly. I here's the thing Here's the thing and I'm not gonna say I'm not gonna say hey like Kelly I don't give a fuck I like you don't like Kelly then you got shit against Kelly and it's the scobo does.

You guys all do, okay? I don't. I really don't. I don't. She's to me, but I don't fucking hate you or not like you because you don't like her. That's your fucking thing. But I'm not gonna not back her up the way. I back you up.

You say shit to her sometimes. Like, oh shit. You said to me, shit. That was hilarious. I laugh. I'm not gonna not laugh and more shit is said about her that I laugh at and I think and I say I called her a fat Conte today. I'm I'm not on I'm not picking signs I'm but here's the thing I'm but I'm I'm not saying oh Go get Lewis. I thought it was a funny thing and every once in a while Dan is said stuff from like oh shit. I get it as a fan of conflict. Yes

Like when Kelly gets Lewis, but do you look at I'm to the rival? I don't like a rivalry. I like us all to have listen Did he sing that song? No Cassley know that's Rocky now. Rocky saying that's all I that stuff. I understand what you're saying though, because it's almost, look, it's like this thing, especially with us that we're on the show a lot, there's this family thing that we have. And she's the older fucking country sister that you guys don't like, and you especially hate her.

No, you're adopted. All right, whatever. But I don't have that with her. So you think it's me going against you, but I like, don't think it's you going against me. her so you think it's me going against you But I like don't think it's you going against I oh you think it's me trying to get her to go after you It's not I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm backing up every her you Yeah, I fucking do it to new guys you think he's been funny this whole show show. I'm a man. I'm a man. Bobby, I think I think I know it is. Thank you. Louis thinks that Kelly is retarded. Yes. And you don't. That's a joke. His assessment is that you're

egging on the retarded. Yeah. I am not. Everybody is not retarded. I don't think Kelly's retarded at all. And I actually, I'm an entologist. I, you know, Kelly, look, as you know, look, you ever listen to how it's darned. Sometimes I listen to Robin and I'm like, uh, fuck. But I'm like, wait a minute. Without her, he would be off the rails. He wouldn't be and Kelly is not my Robin, but I get Kelly. I understand that. But I also I I understand where I understand your conflict with her and I'm all right with that. I get it I get it and you can you can fucking not like or not talk to us, smash her or you can be mad at each other,

and give a shit, that's up to you guys. But I'm not, I don't think she's retarded, I think you're absolutely right. I don't literally retort her. I don't think she's what you think she is. I don't even know. But here's the thing though, if you looked at Kelly, the way I looked at her, what you wouldn't think,

what you think, you think that I, I don't think your way, that's it, that's all. I don't just, I don't think like you think. You think that I, I don't think your way, that's it. That's all, I don't just, I don't think like you. Then why don't you, then why don't you have him open for you, man? If he's so different. He's not, he's not a great comedian. I don't, I don't, but I don't want you to get in your head, Lou,

about me. I don't want you to be, I'm just trying to make a joke, and I got frustrated that everyone kept on making jokes on top of a story. Yeah, that's what happens on a show. But I'm also allowed to get frustrated and that's funny for you smash me forgetting frustrated Yeah, all right not a lot of get frustrated. Oh, you got frustrated you get mad and these that fucking you know I mean you got a chill out brother. We all love you man. We all love you on this show

I know and you know who else loves you fucking Kelly loves you too. I do all right. We all give a shit about you man We're back into my life. Well, I don't know if that's gonna happen, but I think, you know, even though you look at my wife, fucking pervertedly, I mean. I never did except that one time. When. He didn't know about that one.

When we were playing with the kids and her boobs, she's right in my face, I mean, Jesus. I was looking at B's ass hall too, so. That's all I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It's right up all straight to the kitchen. She would ship me. Listen, real quick, we talked about Joe and his amazing special. Not enough.

His five minute special. Five and a half, I guess. Did you get the Montreal yet? Did you hear anything? I am not allowed to talk about Montreal, but anyways, you're going to leave soon. Yeah, yeah. Okay, why don't we, do you have to go to Joe? No, I have to leave like 3-10, but we're gonna be wrapped up by that.

Oh, you're funny. Yeah, we're gonna be wrapped up by that. I'm so fucking lootly. What I do wanna talk about, I wanna apologize, I think, for the first time on the show. Oh, that's okay. To Chris Scobo's girlfriend. Oh. I really, I-

You guys got back together? No, no. They broke up, but last week we were joking around the show. Anyway, I mean, look, man, I didn't know she was listening to the show, apparently she was listening, and I was kidding, and I said some stupid shit, and then he fell down the fucking hallmour, and it just spiraled out of her.

Literally his phone, I said something stupid, whatever, I'm not gonna repeat it, because I don't want her to relive it. I didn't forget what I said I said something stupid whatever I'm not gonna repeat it because I don't want her to Relive it. I even forget what I said it was stupid, but then his phone started blowing up His phone's not even he's like oh shit. I'm like what she's not listening and it's I was like fuck so I love that girl arrogance that you're gonna stop the podcast to pick up the phone to get in trouble Yeah, you are a pussy for a little you should have your fucking phone on by the way should be a As a

What's that I'll tell you after the show? What did you say? What did you show? What oh you only should oh yeah, so good excuse that was a really good one Yeah, so I do a Show after a breakup I don't know Listen apologize I don't know I don't want to hear you I listen, I don't listen I open this fucking can up. I don't want you guys to like it. Some fucking dumb stupid bitch, right? Yeah

Bro I don't know I also apologize Why would you care if you're broken up with her? Why'd you even care? Lewis. Lewis really does have the loyalty of a mercenary. It's just like what? The game's over.

I killed all those villagers. I don't work for you anymore. I love blood. Let's go back to talking about Montreal. I love blood. Yeah, Louis, you okay? Hey, we're not allowed to talk about it. I'm sorry, you're bat, Louis.

What's going on with you, bro? He's really happy. Kelly should interrogate prisoners of war. That's today. Why? Hey, do you think I should go and do this open market? I would tell you everything about the plan. I'm going to tell you a thing.

I got this new joke. It's cut off. Please stop telling me. Please. Kill my family. The access code is 69245. Please, please. Oh, please. I cannot. Please stop telling me please kill my family No, no my jokes about my Exit I will tell ISIS stop I get that your butt is big and you believe black man would like that My god, yes, I's funny. Yes, yes, sick fuck

Yeah, what what's up? Shut the fuck up, all right my ex-girlfriend is a Muslim. Can you guys apologize? See see that you guys talk I apologize more like why boring you know that's more like why boring you know that's haha haha holy shit joe gazing list

oh my god you will not break me Kelly do your american voice anything you need to know haha oh my god i want to thank the guys from laugh button last night that came down they're great Chris Allison man

they are they're awesome they're awesome they came down to the show last night show who's who It was like a real family. Yeah, what do you mean? Galman was over there. Galman came. He's came Keith was there before Bobcat afterwards Logan your wife. Yeah, all of us. Oh, Jared Logan love him Right warm up guy mom. Yeah, that is a real ass dude Try not to talk over each other real ass dude that guy. Try not to talk over each other.

What I am. What are you fucking broken Chuchu train? I was trying to do this on the right. Chuchu Chuchu. Keith had such a great compliment. His mouth is so small he can't do a rattle. He has a slam as tongue back and forth. What's the nice thing that Keith said?

It was just very like, it was just very... Say it with him as Joe. It represented your friendship well. Yeah, what he said. Because I walked in about, you had been on stage about 10 minutes and I walked in. And I was like, Keith, you're gonna go watch the show? He's like, I was out the first one.

And I was like, how's he doing? And it's like, this is the way comedians talk about each other. He's like, ah, you know, stupid. He's, fuck, you know, you know what he does? I was like,'s he doing and it's like this is the way comedian talk about each other he's like ah you know stupid he's you know what he does I was like always murdering he like didn't say that but you had to like pull it out of him like he's like yeah you know what stupid does yeah right it wasn't a nice thing at all actually yeah that's that makes you feel like shit you know what he does like well I was saying I was like I was like, I was like, Oh jeez, I'm so fucking fun. It's like Dan, do a little bit.

You know, you know that shit shit that he does. What are you being a savage? Oh, That's actually, I can't take melting down. You know when the T1 1000 gets thrown in the liquid, I do start doing the other voices. Like,

It was a really, it was a really sweet moment. Keep this like, I don't respect this comedy. I walked in like a, I hate him. He's what you're gonna say, my kids, Yeah, no, it's a story about how Dan likes you It was a really sweet moment. Keith was like I don't respect his comedy You say my head. Yeah, no, it's a story about how Dan likes you and is in it He's like everything that Keith says that's horrible. He knows. Oh, he's murdering you know, he's stupid Oh, he's doing a great job. I can't I'm a nice person. I'm your friend Bobby. He's great too

Probably who you are? I'm a person in his food swallowing for five years. I'm like he says you're great It was he wants to cook you a meal. He loves you. I didn't even sold him a spin. I did the seller podcast last night before. The show ended and we all took our headphones up. We're like, let's go see Bobby and me and No, and we all went over there.

Oh great, except the whole podcast shifted over to see you. Yeah, you know, I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I would family. I really, you're absolutely right. And that's why I wanted to do it, I wanted to do it here because, you know, this comedy seller is a community. It's, you know, if you're, you know, that little thing on the table that says, comedy seller, comics only, that Lewis looks at all the time before he goes to sit down and then he backs away.

But, yeah. That's his Rudy play like a champion. Yeah, that's his letter on a bench. Good one, Dan. Go. Ah, you fucking gale- That's not me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

What I was in an high school was the retarded kid on my part. There was a kid with muscular dystrophy. It's might've been for some shit. Everyone tried to get me to fight him. There was a kid with Ly lime disease on a fucking trike Arms didn't work I was like you're a Lewis

That's why I didn't want him to open because I know it would have caught somebody a bag in the front row I do not say faggot on stage. I am Jesus Christ When when the joke doesn't, we stop being serious leaving them. I don't say faggot on stage. As a writer for salon.com, I do not let Louis say faggot. I'll see you, Louis, move on with to the end.

So I don't have to look at the side of your leg. I got a look to me, Louis. I don't look at your side leg. Dan, I love you, buddy. Dan Soder, what do you got, anything? Dan Soder.com. Dan Soder.com. I do it right, Dan, I love you, buddy. Dan Soder, what do you got, anything? Dan Soder.com, Dan Soder.com, and Twitter at Dan Soder. I love you, everybody.

I like when Louis said, Serial Mipalzi initially, and Bobby said, is that it, really? And you said, I don't know, multiple things. As though multiple things, that's multiple, like, sclerosis, or like, dystopia. Homological dystopia, just things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's my favorite disease that you can get

that the girl Jen, what's her name had? What's the gen, the comic gen that was on your show, the tap out show, what's her name? Oh, Jen Ramorro. Jen Ramorro had what? What disease? She had the disease where your face locks up. Bells, bells, bells, bells.

Bells, bells, bells, bells, bells. That's what that is? yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, I'm a few H. Joe Madder is not that. Jim Ross that. He had a recently. Joe Madder recently. He had Bells Paulsy. Yes. You know, I woke up to go, man. I woke up to go, I think it's just a month. I woke up. No, you can have for a couple months and it goes away. I can have for long to allow.

I have to Jim Ross the fucking Deppie Lee and I. No, you got to be in a stint. Oh, there you go. Yeah, you fucking. Yeah, like, you must stick us. What about Richard Pryor? Like, he's out of her so long, right? He's dead.

Yeah, that's what I thought. It's real long enough. He still has it. We, um, first thing to do is I will. I woke up one day and I thought I got I thought I had Bells palsy And I called Dr. Steve because my face was fucking like all numb and I couldn't feel it and he was going over all the symptoms And he goes you just fell asleep on your face fat, so I just I had all my weight on my and my hand on my cheek And I just fucking numbed my face up Wow, yeah, thank God. I would hate bells palsy. You know, I'm much fucking fun you guys just trash me behind my back Do your droopy face right next to that part of your face. Yeah, what are you gonna do look at me?

Fucking wax head face yeah what are you gonna do look at me haha fucking waxhead haha uh... shit so yeah we had the uh... we talked about that we talked about joe's thing uh... we talked about louis and his fucking uh... his bus ride with uh... person uh... and you're from halifax i really do want to talk about that how long you've been here

uh... lived here about two and a half years really yeah, I live in Toronto first one came here I'm going to and speaking of Toronto going there Which is one of my favorite places on the planet. I'm doing the comedy bar. All right, that's a great place Opening he's not I wish he was I'm doing actually a guy was in the bathroom goes tell me me Lewis isn't open to you. I go no good all right great No, why that's not true that I swear that was being dead. I Was his wife I it actually I was like what the fuck was that it kind of a lot of people come up to me being like oh jeez

You're opening. I'm so excited. I didn't I that kind of threw me. I was like what the fuck is that? That's weird. You know, they mean but I got recognized outside too. It was excited Yeah, everybody knows you guys I was a tie. I was like, what the fuck is that? That's weird. You know what I mean go up, except Scopo. When I say Scopo, you know I mean Kelly. Listen. You could have just picked me because that one was a little too real, I think I'm weird. I switched it up and I made it about Kelly. Oh it's not, it's not. And it got more real.

Kelly, but you got it. Kelly, you got sad. We don't really hate you. He was just trying to make a point. She knows that. No, no, sad and she don't really hate you He was just trying to make a point she knows that no no no We do I really get Kelly, but I'm gonna Toronto this weekend the comedy bar Which I'm fucking excited about Friday Saturday and Sunday and I felt bad a guy comes up to me after the show he goes I drove five hours from Toronto for this I go I'm in Toronto Friday he goes I fucking know I didn't see that Toronto Friday he goes I fucking know I didn't see that

You can't drive from Toronto to here in five hours or something. Oh whatever the fuck it is all right whatever the fuck And I'm not gonna question you think I'm gonna stop him and go wait a minute Maybe he drove halfway and then halfway I liked it I stepped on it with my stupid halfway halfway one. I know they were both good. I like that. Thanks. I'm doing our junior. Um, you went halfway and then you went the other halfway with the halfway halfway. Do you have any energy to cut the band-in and half and take it? The energy is actually two of them now. So we don't have to. Uh, why do you want to cut it in half? I'll take it for it. Hey, Adrian, come sit on a fucking mic. You uh, by the way, the air conditioning is just spitting cold water at me. It's not working?

You might be sweating. No, it's working, but there's cold water shooting out of it. Yeah, it's a lot of stuff going on here. All right, whatever. I'm gonna need a new IC. Listen, I can't deal with it right now. We get 10 minutes left to the show and you're stomping it. No, dude, it's about me.

We know, Lewis. We know, even when know even when it's not a real ass AC when it's even when it's not about you. It's always about you I was an air conditioner on my bus in high school There wasn't no air conditioner on that Adrian, how you doing good? How's your head? It's all healed up. Let me say it's not no, it's not he's son He went out in the sun all day and he turned his hat backwards And he got a sunburn with the with the stripe now. He has a stripe on his head. That's so painful Yeah, it was bad now. It's not people. No, you have a girlfriend. No, you don't have a girlfriend Yeah, you're visiting your husband's not listening to this because you have fucking

I'm really lucky and I wouldn't have nothing to do with you She has bells palsy issue. Why are you visiting a girl? She was down in Maryland. Oh, you, it's a girl, you, it's just to check you're visiting. Yeah. Like just your bang in her? Yeah, it's like a delivery. A delivery? A delivery of cock.

Yes. Cock here, cock, cock. You drive down to where? To Maryland. To Maryland to get laid. Yeah. Does she know that? Your cock's downstairs.

Well, she knows she's in Maryland, right? Yeah, she, she was started. What? If she was up here. I tell her we'd be selling really so but you down there It's just you guys just you call she had her grad party down there a grad party. Yeah, what the fuck is it great? Don't know how old she That's so how do you 22? Oh really what does she do? Uh nothing right now. She's really college. I hope it's scopos X-Roll friend She is he's just pounding her out now. I like scub at a meter and then just like and take her away We talk about how good scopo he's better looking and has more personality than scopo

How the fuck could he take his girlfriend away? What is he gonna do? Hit her over the head different people like different things guys. I mean look at he's getting nervous. She's giving common his mouth gets dry Um, high gets dry. High cheekbones, good luck. What's up? I don't know if he's a smartest copo though. That fucking awareness had out in the sun all day kind of dropped him a couple of notches in my book. Now, are you, are you, are you, are you,

do you like this chick? Oh, yeah, what'd you meet her? She was dating my roommate, my freshman year of college. Damn, stick in the dick. He sucked, sucked. Check or yeah, would you meet her she she was dating my roommate my freshman year college? He sucked Really what do you mean he sucked he was just he's a baby can hang Well, you're fucking his girl. Why is that really a baby? Or maybe you're just a dick for finger fucking his girl while it was out they broke up. It was a little bit later Okay, are you cool with the roommates? No, not at all. Okay. Yeah

Oh, so your roommate you hated Couldn't stand revenge fuck so the saved this woman from a terrible roommate that you both hated yes I wish you could have done that with fucking B Well, this has been a tough tough going for a loose today has it been no no, I don't think it's been any No, I got a little, I was thinking to get annoyed about having my balls bust. I was getting annoyed about me trying to get a story out and then it comes out.

That's not what you were talking about, Joe, the things you were saying. I was trying to get it. Your anger was about the story, but then I think sometimes if you're angry about something else, I do feel like you do. Throw a little bit of your anger towards. You're just angry in general in life, you know?

Yeah, I'm not, I'm not. I think you had a kid. I wanted a lot of problems. yeah, I'm not you had a kid. I'm gonna have a lot of problems Kelly. I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not every time you guys on the show. I'm not have I'm not working out your fucking therapy Okay, so I want to hold you do you know, but he won't do like that hold his hand Just hold on like Dan in that shit video, right? I mean that sound yeah, I touched his face like way to go kid Hey open up the pool today for the kid the pool. Yeah, is that another shit story? No No, I got the kitty pool. You got to bring James out a kitty pool. Yeah, I got a kitty pool

Let's do it. Yeah, well all right. Let's do it. We'll bring them up maybe next week They're a band practice Wednesday. Maybe I'll have be me Yeah, exactly go ahead talk about your fucking band my new band what's it called? You know, we don't have a name yet. I know I know I know last rattle sticks Can we make up the name right now? Yeah, we got it. All right anybody in the chat room you guys feel free I really punch you in the face if you don't give my red all tell us more things about don't give it woman beaters Give us some facts about us sit down sit. I just stopped Lewis What the fuck why do you why would you give it to him because what will happen because she's the bigger man?

I want to see him Why would you give the baby his rattle back? Because you know what would happen Bobby? He has no limits and I if I like you know put around here He would knock something over break this bar like is the big fat piece shit I'm protecting all the time. That's what I do you shut the show down today. I don't actually what are you talking about? Because I know and I know you've broken literally you said that I break everything with you. No, you did kick it Well, you foot you kicked it. I saw you kick it as opposed to kicking it with my face you Let's get back to school of rock listen

That was pretty funny that was probably the best line that I've ever had. That was pretty good. Those why do you know I can't take it from that was pretty good. I didn't get the line. It goes with the bus story behind school. You've got a rock band. I don't think it was that good. I think you're adding. Yeah, it was a rock on Letterman. Right. Everything. Right. Anybody. Rock is a first. All right. Here's a name for you right now statutory apes That's a good name man

Singer I can sing bro. What is it? It's the other the rest of the how about this? Uh, fuck it No, okay, I don't know Didn't want to participate anybody anybody listening to the chat room. Please come up with names for Lewis's band. Joe, do you have a name for the band? Uh, boy, I don't know. That's too long. That's too long. Boy, boy, boy, I don't know, no, no, no, no.

That's not, that's, you can't go on a t-shirt. How about that? Hopefully this sticks so we don't see your comedy clubs anymore. Ah! I am. Ah! Who else is in the band?

You need a singer? I'll sing, Doug. No, not anymore, motherfucker. What do you, uh, well, if I'm in the van, we change it to, you know, what else will do comedy still? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha the list of maniacs out there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I List remaining I T9 you should how about Joe listeners I don't know for is that word that's for an album name What what who's in the band Louis Louis's energy stinks when he's getting smashed it just it's it I feel like I feel like it's like somebody being rocked Um can have them give me that Adrian Adrian. I don't know. I don't know. I fucked up.

I was the big worst thing in every center. I'm gonna try to tell you something. I'll tell you what happened. I looked at this fucking pizza thing behind me, and I started thinking. I started thinking about pizza. Rock, you mean rock is like rock to sleep? Shut up. No, stone. I meant stone. What the fuck? I fucked up. I shut up. No stone. I meant stone I fucked up I fucked up I'm gonna leave the bandana. I'm actually gonna take the next one too

That was so bad whoever does the next bomb. That's mine Here we go the uh... rock here we go uh... away with the go-mide slayers louis jay go-mides louis jay go-mides

in the illegal immigrants and then we have a not cool because i'm actually only immigrating. Neither McIntosh, the bus boys, not only the bus boys. That's actually a real group in like the 50s. The boys are bad.

Nervous. I don't know what that is. How about the bomb band? Like short for bomb band, Dana. Thanks a ton. The Chubby Puerto Ricans. I like that. The Chubby Puerto Ricans.

You're not gonna hurt me. The Chubby and Chubby anymore. I'm getting back in shape I didn't say it they said I'm saying to that person elephant needs. Why do you getting hurt in today? Lewis what's wrong with you? No, I was gonna say that was good one from Kelly Lewis. What's wrong with you? You're not laughing at it. You're me. You're just staring blankly like a serial killer You want to laugh all laugh you can't get mad at me for not laughing He's laughed at several things. He was sad laughing at himself.

Are you alright dude? I've been very good. Are you okay? Are you sure? I've never been better. Ever? If she doesn't get a record, I'm not the day you're son,

you're child or boy. Why? How about rock tarned? Get in my bus. Rock tarned. Rock tarned. Rock tarned. How about Plan B?

Hey. Plan B. Oh, that's so nice. plan B. Yeah, so you know, it might probably turn into plan A very shortly. Who's in the band? Lou, who's in the band? I am. Linda mine. Let people we know comics is a lot of the musicians. Kelly wants to be lead singer. Yeah.

No. Hey, hey, Lou, Lou, what kind of music? What did you ask before? What did you say? John, John, or we're Lou. What kind of music? What what did you ask before? What did you say John John? So that we're gonna be metal, but it's gonna be like An old school grungy type metal like helmet really That's a good name like mercury helmets. It's already a name. I know How Remember corrosion that's a great name. That's a great name. Oh

What about my tell it? I remember coercion. That's a great name. That's a great name. Oh, yeah. I would go with one of those two names. I would go with what about my telly? How about helmet of conformity? How about? That tutorial, apes, is a great name. Oh, your voice is fucking awesome. That's the tutorial, apes. This is such a funny thing.

I want you to entertain my child this week. You know what I'm going to do? Is this Toronto? Yeah. Want to open for Bobby Ebb and Toronto? On the way up, yeah. I'll open for your kid. The whole way up. I'll just be talking to him in the Toronto? Yeah. Wanna open for Bobby Ebb and Toronto? On the way up, yeah. I'll open for your kid. The whole way up.

I'll just be talking to him in the car and driving. What's up? You two angry though Nathan. Kids gonna get freaked out. I'm not angry. You are an angry. On stage you're an angry, angry dude. I don't know.

I told you guys to stop fucking talking. Shit about me. I'm not an angry guy. For a happy voice you're very angry. Okay. On stage. Are you angry? Keep on just calling somebody angry over and over.

I know, right? It's gonna get the man in the face. It's not saying what they are because you're dead left. What the fuck are you? This machine has she's like a fucking the retarded the bus. It's a wild shot at the buzzer. One minute left and your dad Hey, the day that you're angry. Your dad's dad. Oh, he hit me my dad's listening if you could please tweet at me That'd be great. I haven't seen you 28 years is he listening? I mean, I don't know if he's How fucking amazing that would be if his dad was a fan of YKWD just driving a truck and then we Finsred of driving a truck

You scared the shit out of me. I'm driving a truck rapidly away from your home. Yeah! That's the only picture he has of him. It's actually a Trans-Am. That's what he drove away in a Trans-Am. Yeah, big eagle. Like the Bandit?

Yeah, exactly like the Bandit. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was it? What was it, joke? Basically, who drives away in a Trans-Am? It was my dad smoking the bandit. Yeah, the exact kind of thing. Yeah, it was a fucking worked out bit

What's yeah, I didn't do it now. I mean, I just kind of said piece of Nathan, please don't tell people that you have bit from the past Yeah, make them all up right now I got I got a I got a rubber bow. All right, buddy. Take it easy man. Sorry. I know. It's all right We're gonna be wrapped up right now. No, we're wrapping up very shortly, but I'm gonna keep it going for a. But Joe list. What do you got buddy? I got well, I mean, I you know, I want a small mouth Herb Yes Pay the band name

Small mouth Herb, there's a band name I'll be the lead singer Welcome to the jungle we've got fun games We got everything you want. We just found our name. That's perfect. How about baby haircut? How about baby haircut? Maybe a brother.

That's intense in here. You should get some headphones that don't cover my fucking beautiful hair. I'm calling inverted chin. Oh wow. I got it. It was mine. Remember I took it. I'm so hard that people thought the show ended.

Can I end this? Alright Joe, what do you got buddy? I got it. It was mine. Remember I said so hard that people stop the show ended Joe what do you got buddy? Twitter Joe list comedy and then listen to my podcast Tuesdays with stories. Yeah, and Hope you'll love you on there soon. I will. I love to come on soon absolutely doing very well. I know we hear No, it isn't the top like 150 every day. Yeah, I know I know I'm a million it has a million listeners. I love you. Thanks to everyone that said kind things on my letter I think a lot of the you know what yeah absolutely man. You did a great job Yeah, you know what dudes no matter how much we fuck with each other on here

I think we there's nobody who supports each other more you did a great job and I was very proud of you Oh, and the last couple years you've come a fucking million miles remember when you were bad when bobby first met you you are and i think that when i think for seven years and bobby now he just was out he was unfocused and he was uh... fucked up now he's got a shit together and started at the foundation and you know so i i i'm very proud of you did i was proud of you last night that you're amazing i love you do thank you buddy

yes i love all of you i'm going to read uh... some more the orphans of the orphans of New York Suns of the claseted almost That's got a funny. I like that one Suns of the murdered What close what the fets stupid he just wrote it twice. Yeah, he wrote it twice. She's an idiot Maybe miss. Minnesota, I don't get that.

Can't Lewis's band perform in the dark? No, Mrs. Bamp. No, I'm in the dark. Because he has a show. Lewis runs a show called Gummy in the dark. And he also knocked the lights off here. That's his thing. Man, he loves the dark.

Yeah. I do my bestummy and the dark. And he also knocks the lights off here. That's his thing. Maybe he loves the dark, yeah. I do my best when it's dark. I like to think of myself as the best. How about this is a good one, the Cunt Muscles. Cunt Muscles is good. That's just a good band name.

Sensitive gorillas. It's gorilla and ape like a thing. How is it going here? Yeah, it's the great one. It's a great one. Use list. That's so funny. Use list?

How about this? Hey! That's because the aduries that we shaved him down, that's for an ape. That's the best thing. Caesar's voice goes home. Do you know the new planet of the Ipsom movie coming out like next week? I don't know how close I'll go with you. I just decide I don't want to see that's why Joe.

I'll see you later. Adrian is it gonna be out next week? Blue? It's the seventh of July. Adrian, when you jerk off do you immediately shower? No. He's not Catholic. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. cell phone, I use my thoughts. But sometimes I will use the iPhone or the iPad to get an image. And then you go in. But here's my thing, you know my shower, though, you've seen my awesome. You can literally have the shower sprays going up your asshole on your balls

and down your hair to fucking make you feel like you're at the same time. At the same time, that's very nice. I have a great shower and I have this, you know, the wand and I have the overhead rainfall and another one I have a bench and I usually put my leg up. Oh, with a bench? Yeah, I could do that.

I put my leg up and the wand behind me from behind and it really, and I have this new grow shower head that has four different massage things on it. It has an oxygen pulse, it adds water, a little oxygen to the mist, the spray, regular spray, then it has a massage that actually closes and opens, it actually moves. And I use that one near my taint, and it feels like somebody's actually looking my taint.

And then I switch it to the sprinkles, and then it feels like somebody's just tickling my balls I'm joking off the shower like a complete loser just the one Fuck your head hit me in the face right now to this story That's the thing like you guys jerk off in the shower more than you're in your bed Oh, no, no, no, most guys jerk off to porn in the bed But I think I you know what it is, dude? I've done this recently, too I've turned a corner where I'll get up and like be you'll get up with the baby and I'll wake him like nine And then I'll have a dry jerk session in the bed

to fall. I never jerk off it with the baby home. What do you feel guilty? Never want to get caught. I just don't want the baby like some I my fears and emergency emergency will happen where she's like, big, you gotta grab the baby and I gotta go in there and I gotta fucking load on my knuckle and I gotta I would jizz all over my shirt and she's like what is that now? I'll tell you later and we get a little hospital and my fear I'm I'm always I don't I jerk off went alone You talk about that on stage. That's a no fun image. Thank you. Yeah. I will I'm being sincere. I know you I can tell by your eyebrows So I'm sorry to cut you.

What were you saying, you jerk off with an image? Well, I'm usually guys now, we have to jerk off to porn because we become so decent. I was like, when we were kids, you could jerk off to just like a tit. Now it's like you need fucking eight chicks, fucking fucking a real dude in his like birthday party in front of all of his family, just to get hard now. That's the cake, isn't it?

I've turned to corner her. We all have that, right? I don't need that. That's all of us. But I've turned to corner her. I love that you assume that we begin. I'm doing the same thing. I'm trying, I'm getting off a porn to do the same goddamn thing.

It's kind of a weird thing, but it's great. It's your mind, it's great. For a while, you look, I'd have to watch some crazy shit. And then for a little while, I was just looking at naked hot chicks. Yeah. You don't have to just naked hot chicks. Not even spreading their postings.

Just beautiful, like in Hawaii, like just, like for some reason. Well, you play Boyer Penthouse. As a kid, my mom bought me my first dirty magazine when I was like, 10. God damn it. Explains everything. No, my mom was fucked, dude. My mom was like, no, we know.

She was in all positive, dude. Like, she fucked. What? What are you rich in prior? You don't know that. Your mom was a prostitute. I'm a prostituteitute I you fucking kidding me How much I am sorry? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How long I met how long?

Front to back I think like my like my childhood like before your mom was on my dad died I think that's when she had like a complete like relapse with like heroin and got like really fucked up We went to live with my family. So did you ever see her? Well, you have a with her when she was when she was doing it when bringing guys home John Tom on this bus with this kid was cerebral palsy No, did she? No, was she make a lot of money or was she making? She was fucking a heroin addict, so she was sucking like 20 bucks a lot of heroin. I walked into the to her bedroom Oh hang on guys one time hang on Hang on, hang on, hang on.

It's about this fucking story about my mom. Hey, Don. It's my, uh, a, a, a, a, a, yeah, you're on the show, honey. I thought you were gonna be done. I'm, we're wrapping up very shortly, but Louis brought up his mother was a prostitute, so I can't just abruptly end on this.

We can cut him off though. Oh, okay. How interesting. I just wanted to. All right. Fuck was though. Oh okay how interesting. Alright. Fuck me. Hey that was it. What was that? What was that weird tone, Don? Listen let me ask you question, Don. Last night when Lewis was looking at you during the jokes, was he creeping you out? No, because I'm used to people looking at me to see if i laugh at the things that you say about me see but was it was it given you a creepy face was it a little weird or you're

i was alright with it i'm used to creepy faces when people look at me like so was creepy though now i wasn't creepy okay i'm going all right babe i got you are okay is everything alright yeah i was i thought you were going away home. I'm gonna go next to our pie. Okay. I'm coming. I'm coming. What next door for what? Next door baby what fucking wait a wait a minute honey what pool Honey, I just fucking blew up the baby's pool today What are you what the fuck are you giggling?'s our pool that's our we have a

we have a the law is a right now the law is you go what about the pool that i had we don't want that to but we're going to go into the law is today why the fuck did i spend an hour blowing up a pool

it's like the law is you know what Why the fuck did I spend an hour blowing up a pool? Hahaha It was before the Lord saw me. You know what? Tell me when to go into the Lord's pool. Alright. Alright. Alright, goodbye. Cook something. I can't right now.

I'll cook later in the pool. Yeah, too busy with the pool. Alright, I love you, baby. I'll talk to you later. I can't cook an hour after in a pool. Alright. She's hilarious. Oh, she's in that, that's all. I'll talk to you later. I can't cook an hour after in a pool. She's hilarious. I literally just blew up this fucking it has a separate slide. It has a

horse's head that goes out. You put the hose on it's it shoots water. Just a horse's head. I'm not a horse. It's a zebra head. And I blew it up. It's amazing. I put it in the back. I filled it with water. I got hot water to even it out so it's not cold. the next door neighbor has a built in pool Dolores she's like fucking you know beautiful cool with Ty and old Irish lady next door you know she has a built in pool and now she's gonna go over there so then the pool I just did her fucking eight agitives you said beautiful cool Irish old Italian that's five I can't count okay my mom was a prostitute all right so your mom's mom's such dick for money how much?

Well he can't count we don't know. I don't know. Amy's in had a count. I remember one time I was like I know someone's gonna make a bad name about you you know you're being a prostitute. I really am becoming like a man now. Or mother would be a great name for a metal man. Yeah, home others The home of the murdering closet almost is funny the dudes is funny Lewis and the nobody's

That's nice. That means you're a somebody Yeah, you're the one man. Yeah, so what happened? So she's selling her vagina I don't really know much about it all I know is that one time I walked in on her with some fucking old dude. Wow. And then I remember I brought that up to her when I was a kid when I was like six or seven,

I brought it up to her. You know, really pissed off. She got mad at you. She got mad at me. What'd she say? She smacked me. Why? She said it didn't happen and then she fucking smacked me.

Really? And then you were like maybe a, maybe a didn't. No, I did. That's exactly what I did. For years I convinced myself that it didn't happen. Oh, God. After you get older you like maybe you and maybe a didn't. No, I did. That's exactly what I really for years I convinced myself that it didn't happen. Oh, go after I mean older after you get older, you look back and retrospect, you start finding out shit. You go, oh, no, no, that definitely

happens. So that rattle is a cry for help. It's not. Oh, no, mom. She's up and having she's up. It's a big head of her mouth. Oh, yes, my son. Your mom's gone to. Yeah, yeah, he has nobody second dick second Dixon heaven Heavenly Dicks just so you know they said I just needed somebody to suck his dick. That's why I took her She's sucking dick in a better play that's awful. I feel terrible about that. I you know, I fucking what a Canadian Old what a Canadian he started the fucking joke and you know what I feel I thought we were just moving forward with that. I saw a picture of a

I just have an image Mm-hmm of God That's terrible. That was terrible. I don't know if she be up there though. Oh Shit she's down in hell sucking devil coffee. There's no real thing hat. She's just gone. She's nothing She's in the eyes sucking. Dude. She's in the earth. What the fucking deal? Lewis's mom doesn't exist. Yeah. I was hatched.

He was born on that bus with a cerebral palsy. It's a giant blue egg. You just heard the top of a going, can you saw my nose? It's like a Jurassic Park. It's like Jurassic Park. What was going on? Did you see a picture of Lewis's dad though?

And I didn't call. I'll know that. Really? Yeah, I never thought of that. My dad was black. He was black. He was like, he was that really Yeah, my dad was black He was like a ZE. Yeah, he was really dark like that Like the nose the mouth. It was you think you're mad you dad would be mad at your mom for being a hooker I think my dad was a pretty fucked up dude, too

I mean he wasn't murdered to death in a knife fight knife fight knife fight. Yeah, Willie with a guy His slur yeah was a gay guy with a slurry He picked my eyes a It was actually it was a gay guy with a slurry. They take my eyes off dad. It was actually a nice fight Someone wrote ha ha nice Immediately it just happened that's a late loose and then needless Because of them. I don't know what the fuck it is Who's the needles not the needless. Maybe the needles. It's probably the needles. And that does also make sense.

Well, the whole one. Oh, needles. It's very, look how small that text is. Were you on heroin? No. He's actually Lewis is coming a long way. Since last week. All right, listen.

We're going to wrap this fucking show up. I want to thank my guests. You guys have been fucking amazing. Really, thank you for coming on. Thanks for having me. Thank you, man. Do you have been fucking amazing. Really. Thank you for coming on. Thanks for having me, man. Do you have a good time? Yeah. All right. Good, man. I'm like, I'm gonna lick me a couple of times. I'm happy that didn't happen.

It seems like you really want him. You keep bringing that up. What was it? You're looking at me like, you're gonna lick me. I thought you might lick me. He wants you to lick him. I don't lick me. Bobby. What is that sound? Well, I may think he's undoing that when he laughs. He keeps on snapping his fingers.

I snap. I know people call me on this all the time. I don't, I laugh when I'm, when I find I have a Affinity for you for like English comics and Canadian comics. I just like the you guys are very nice and and almost Canadian comics I just like the you guys are very nice and and almost Just really I don't use the word sesame street vibe Very much is that where I don't know I just like it it may you guys I love the human comics are great By the way, I think besides LA and some Toronto comics are more like a fucking edgy like the guys I'm working with Yeah, they're great. They're Ten dudes that were just fucking yeah, there's a lot of funny guys in Toronto yeah yeah Toronto is really great but um anyways yeah thanks for coming on the show uh what do you get to plug bro uh nathamacktosh.com slower Nathan Macintosh

doc com was that more sesame street in canadian yeah well yeah as well as well as well as well as well well um rick asley is my father dot com is uh... the name of no natham mackatoch dot com uh... you lose my podcast positive anger less on i too soon so you are angry on stage yes sure man i just don't want kelly to fucking be like he's an angry guy because i'm not angry like you get animated all right relax relax stuff fucking talking I'm down. Hi, what do you got man? Mike Kaplan dot com Mike spelled weird sorry you're welcome. M-Y-Q K-A-P-L-A-N and put that into all the things and my new special is called small dork and handsome Netflix and iTunes and my podcast is called hang out with me. That's great. Where can we get that? That's on the

Keith and the girl network. You know those guys, like, Keith and the girl.com slash hang. Huge fan of those guys. They're great. Fucking great. Go to their stuff. All right. What do you got? Lewis. Guys, June 25th, checkmate.

I'm headlining levity live. And then also the week after July 2nd, headlining comments at Fox Woods. What? You see every time? Go ahead, read it. Every fucking thing. I'm sorry comment that Fox Woods. What, you see every time? Go ahead, read it. Yeah, every fucking time. I'm sorry, dude. What is the joke?

Yeah, what was the band name? Dude, listen, listen. No, that's fine. I know it's fine, it's mine show. I know, don't tell me it's fun. It's mine show. That's Hitler show. Will you stop fucking letting me know when it's okay?

I know. I will never ask your fucking permission. Do you get that? So I will step on you and fucking laugh right in the middle of your place. So you don't have to ever go, no, go ahead. I will. Okay. That is mom is one that got me is Lewis is mom blowing her way into heaven. Maybe it is says to me, but I find those both very harsh. Vajani Yard sale. Amy in the apes. Amy in the apes is funny. The abortionists.

That sounds like the December. Oops. Hey, I'm the apes is funny. The abortionists. Woo. That sounds like the December. Servics. Servics hammer. All right, go ahead. What do you got? June 25th, Levitie Live. Scopus opening on both of these shows.

Levitie Live June 25th. Ooh, yeah. No, I'm kidding. I can draw, though. No, they're fans of the show. They want to come and support it. It was a joke. I was talking to Scopus. Well, you stopped. I don't and support. It was a joke. I was talking to Scott.

Well, you stop. I don't like your new thing that you do. I don't like your new thing where you just get serious. I don't like the new thing you do, but you don't listen to what I say. Dude, I've never listened to you. All right. Ever. Ever. I am being consistent with who I am.

You're in development new techniques. Where you go. No, I'm just shut the fuck up. I know I'm kidding. Hey, Bobby. Bobby, it's OK. It's OK. Go to my website. Who is that? Who is that? Alan? I got my seat. Alan? Be your go into couples therapy with the bruh.

Thank God. Thank fucking God. You need it. I can't wait till that fucking blow. I like that voice. I am, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm actually gonna book my therapy next door while you're in there. I just wanna hear that fucking nightmare. I just wanna hear crying and screaming and fucking walls being punched god damn it dangerous That's listen to me. Go ahead. I didn't rag on each of the same room Puerto Rican Rental snake dot com

How many websites do you know? I am Puerto Rican Rental snake dot com realize dude dot com Kelly for stucous sucks dot com Dorks from Brazil dot com And Gomez comity dot com Lucia Gomez.com and lucia gones comrade.com and what oh wow geez close. Really go for a week and a half. Is that a new one? Yeah I don't know if it's linked yet because I just set it up but when this comes that it'll be linked.

You're planning on being hugely successful. Yeah. That's what you're planning on. That's the idea. Yeah. Your whole thing is I'm going to be famous. Not necessarily successful. Successful yeah. That's your thing no matter how thing is I'm going to be famous. Successful, yeah. That's your thing, no matter how, whatever you have to do to get there.

I'm going to, I, I have a certain standard. No matter how many websites he has to buy. I have a certain standard of living and I'm not, I'm just not like, I look at like Joe, who, what do you talk about? What do you live? I live in his home, but I live. Oh, I don't know, I'm getting. I'm getting.

I'm getting. I'm getting. I know, I'm getting. I know, I'm getting, I'm getting. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm you ride the jugs. They need build the websites. They need get the money Like a little alright. We're gonna end the show

I don't know I'm but I just I get was that trying to bust that's literally the old He's trying to do scarface. He's trying to What are you gonna have what are you gonna have news for us Lewis? Yeah, what do you mean you can have any news for us ever? Yeah, hopefully I cool. I got some shit in the work. What do you mean you can have any news for us ever? Yeah, hopefully all right cool. I got some shit in the work. What do you got brother? Scopo big ass. I'll just be with Lewis 25th of a second nobody's want to want to see that that's called the double plug Usually Lewis has it in his ass. So I 29th of in Delaware. I don't know where yet You have your own show in Delaware. No, no, I'm opening with you. Are you fucking his girlfriend? Share your gonna meet on the way from there. Who are you opening? Aaron Burke

He's been on the show. I know who he is. He's me with muscles. Yeah. Yeah All right, check it out. You great show guys. I hope you guys enjoyed it. You guys watching live What oh, I'm gonna get to me. I'm just giving a look and is watching live. Oh, I'm gonna get to me. I'm just giving a look. I just fucked up my flow. Okay, that's okay, dude. You got to do it, Bobby.

So anyways, you guys, Adrian, thank you for coming down. Thanks for having me. Great job again. I don't really do much today. No. No, but you will next week, right? Nice job, fucking that girl. Thank you.

Delivering that dick. I'm gonna be gone next week, so it might be just you guys. So, Lucia Gomez real as host. I've had you host before. I think me and Dan, we always argue about who's actually hosting the show at the same time. That's kind of funny too. All right, here's a deal. If you guys want Lucia to host, if I get 10 emails from different IP addresses not the same doosh from auto

I'm gonna check the IP address Okay, fuzzy one. Okay, fuzzy two. Oh, I was zero chance. People check the IP address I want Jared Logan to host If you want a dance soda to host or Joe list we talked about him or Joe list to host or Kelly the show be over in 20 minutes If Joe list hosted all right, I'm done you guys done. Oh, let's go Or Kelly Fistuko Hi, or Chris Scopo all five for whoever gets whoever gets the for 10 emails Voting them can she set up she can set up like a survey thing. It's like easy. It's free

Like literally just where people could vote on the page. Will you show how to do it? I'll show you where to do it. All right, cool. I'll figure it out. No, he's gonna- He sets it up to do it all the deliver into Lewis. No, he won't, he's a fair player. Okay, that's fine. He's competitive.

All right, so check it out. There you go. You guys are the best. Thank you. I want to thank everybody. All you YKWD fans and fans of mine who came to my special last night, you're amazing. Thank you so much for filling the room,

packing it out and being such great great fans. It was an awesome night for me. I had a blast. I got to share it with all my close friends in the business and family. I want to thank Jim Serpico for being the mother fucking best manager on the planet earth. Bobcat for directing it just being and everybody involved over at Apostle, I want to thank all the interns in Bardo Church and Casey, unbelievable, fucking greatest people ever. Leary for doing the open dentist,

you know, and all my friends, you know, Keith, Louis CK, all you guys, for coming last night, Lewis, Kelly, Dan, Scopo, Joe Liss, Sprance, Mike Vecchion, Keith Rodd, you guys are all man, it means it means the world to me that you guys supported me on that night. It's been a long time for me to get to this point and do it on my own the way I wanted to do

it and own the thing is pretty fucking epic. So I hope it does good, I hope it does, I hope somebody fucking buys it. But I wanna be this weekend, I'm at the Toronto Comedy Club for the 21st and the 22nd. That's Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I'll be the Underground Comedy Club in Toronto, please. Spread the word, tell everybody, retweet, like, whatever the fuck you have to do, bring your friends, let's pack this place out.

And then I am going to the Marriott Stellaris Casino in Arruba, Madhavaka. Oh, I can't. What a great gig this is. Fly me down with the wife and kids. Oh, I'm gonna be the 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th, and the first. I'm opening. And I'm gonna be down, I'm gonna be down, it's, I'm so psyched, dude. It's gonna be a great gig. I'm just gonna be at the beach all day. And then I'm gonna do one gig at night.

Ray Allen, I think Dan Natham and I'm, I can't wait. What a gig. So if you're in a rubah, or you've got a Ruba, you know people in a Ruba, tell them. Next week, I'm there. And then I'm gonna be July 31st, 1st, 2nd, and the 3rd, I am at one of my favorite clubs. I love this summer, I was a sand friend.

Now, I'm at the comedy bar coming up, which I love. I was forget to mention that in one of my, I love the last. I was a sand friend. Now I'm at the comedy bar coming up, which I love. I always forget to mention that in one of my, I love the last time I was there. And then I'm going to comedy works Denver. I'm coming back. So amazing, amazing. And hopefully in between there I'll have some great news to announce. Another great thing to tell everybody, but not just yet. So you guys are the best fans in the world. Thank you for listening to another episode. Of You Know What The... You've been listening to YKWD Podcast. Thanks for listening.

Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcats.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh You