Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Fat Thug

Episode Date: November 19, 2018

Tim Dillon guests for Bobby with Ricky Velez and Brendan Sagalow! These Long Island boys reminisce growing up East of Queens, how the holidays change, and the horrors of comedy class Ponzi schemes! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network. Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a cost of art. It's my catch. It has no rules. I'm going to the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it?

Can I get it? As you might have seen, it's just us sitting down, he happens sometimes, it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Way both sides of the coin! That's how it all holds the... That's how you love the part, huh? I don't want to do anything, my podcast is popular enough, where I might affect somebody's life.

You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com. Hey, what's up everybody? Welcome to You Know What, dude. This is not Bobby Kelly. This is Tim Dillon filling in, filling a big seat. The seat does not know the difference. I'm here with a lot of funny comedians today.

I'm very excited to be here. Bobby is out, he'll be back before you know it. But we'll go around and introduce everybody. The great Mike Suarez is here. How's it going? How are you? Brendan Sagalo. What's up? What's going on? You want to plug? You want to do plugs now really quick? That way we get it out of the way? Sure. I don't care. I have one road gig. Would you like to tell everyone? Would you like to tell people about it? No, I'm embarrassed. It's that laughing up Pekipsi on November 24th.

Let me tell you right now, you'll have a lot of, it's a fun, fun gig. It's a fun gig. Do you like oxy-contin? I love oxy-contin. Well, then you can go to the island, baby. You'll love piquipsing. That's a beautiful place.

I can't wait. Those dudes are great at laughing up. Okay. They're really fun people. Ricky Villaz is here with us. Hey, buddy. What's going on, buddy? How are you?

How's everything been? You're gonna be a dad or you're a dad? You're a dad or dad? How old? How old? He's seven. He was two months. you know Sunday crazy. Yeah, wild. How is that out of 9 11? Is that true? Yeah, I like that You know what I like that. I did I like it to the Puerto Rican Irish Jew from New York born on the 9 11 like come on take back The day York born on 9-11 like come on take back the day I'm sick of everybody open around

Did you love open or at p davis's a godfather? What a fun Story you'll never forget your kid. Yeah, right. Right. Your baby's already cold. And Jim Master Jay had a, and I'm at the Blue Room in Missour, in the Springfield, Missouri.

Have you done that? Oh, I think I'm the week after you. I'm doing it this weekend. I'm the 30. I've always wanted to go to Springfield, Missouri. Me too. I'm a very excited. I'm just kidding.

Me too. I'm not too. It'll be fun now. I heard it's a good room. I'm sure it's fun. Yeah. Me too, I'm a very exquisite, I'm just kidding. I'm not too. I'm not too. It'll be fun now. I heard it's a good room. I'm sure it's fun. Yeah. It's been around for a few years. I'm there the week after you.

So I'm there the 30th year there when. I'm there this weekend. It's the 60th, 70th. Okay, cool, cool. So that should be fun. Anything else? What about social media? Ricky Velaz, man.

Oh yeah, it's Brian Zaglow. And listen to my podcast. One chance with the guy. You've been passed. Weonzaglow. Listen to my podcast one chance Pass we're not going back to you sold yourself as one road That's the only thing Gabby Bryant, thank you. Hey, what's up being here? What's going on with you? Nothing just hanging out back from a life We're oh yeah, what we do out there. I'm living out there right now, but I'm What what what do you what what are you up to out there? I'm working a production job. Can you believe it a lot of fun? Yeah, can you tell us what can you tell us why that's a secret?

Did you lost anyone to the fires? I lost my whole family and everyone I know out there, so is that true? Really, no, oh, okay. Well, I'm glad you're joking about I didn't know Well, I'm glad you're joking about it. It's just, it's just, it's still happening. I didn't know. Micah Brucie, how are you, sir? I'm great, how are you? What do you have going on? I got my podcast called A Little Time.

You can get that everywhere you get podcasts. And I'm at Micah Brucie on all social media. Look at that. Nice. That's what I got. Bobby's dates real quick. You know what? Dude, that's it.

Yeah, yeah. Of course. You see the great Dude, that's it. Yeah, no, Dave, of course. To see the great Robert Kelly, this is where you can find them. We'll be at Comic at the Carlson and Rochester, the 23rd and 24th, Comedy Connection in Rhode Island and needs Providence on the 29th through the first American Comedy Club Company in San Diego, California, Thursday to 6th through Saturday the 8th.

So let's take us now on his website, Robert Callie, liiv.com. I'll be at the improv in San Antonio where Thanksgiving weekend and the La Fala in San Antonio over our New Year's. All very good. If you want to see Bobby Kelly with hair, I will be at the Blue Room College Club in Springfield this weekend, the 16th and the 17th Springfield Missouri, December 5th through the 8th Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas. That should be a lot of fun.

That was great. Yeah, I'm excited about that. And December, I think it's 11th and 12th that bananas and Hasbroke Heights, New Jersey. So, oh, I did that. Yeah. You know, it's good. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. Really excited. Timidilacombi.com and doing on Instagram, Twitter, all that stuff. Also, folks, you spend a 30-year life in bed, if you're a comedian or you're depressed or, you know? Or even if not, I guess. You spend a third of your life in the sheets.

It's a bad time for bedding upgrade. Talk about this incredible feeling of a five-star hotel sheets. Do you guys, when you guys go on the road, do you notice the difference in the sheets? Yeah. Yeah. I know Ricky does.

Brendan, you don't, and I know. Well, my one giga here. It's not a lot. I really don't know. Get out of the giga here. Get out of the giga here, room. Yeah. Yeah.

At home, I sleep in a bed on the road. I sleep in a car. So there's that. That's the difference. I know Ricky knows the good things. Me and you notice if you're wet, other than that, we have no idea. You notice what cheats spend less sticky.

But I don't stay at hotels nice enough. Okay. Well, if you like that hotel, you know what? Don't fucking do that. I'll tell you this, Brooklyn and sheets folks. These are the cheats to get. They renamed the winner of the best online bed

and category, but good housekeeping. They have rave reviews from business inside or apartment therapy, men's house, 30,000 five star plus reviews, more than any other online bed and company. Half a million people are happy and counting. So listen, get out there. If you want to do that, sleep is a big deal.

They just had an episode on RogenWerge. I talk about sleeping. He's like, if you're not sleeping, well, you're gonna die. You're gonna die earlier, your life sucks, you're not focused and all of that. So I think sleep is a big deal. Well, Rogan getting those great guests.

So what says if you don't sleep, you'll die. Listen, it's true. It was a good episode. It was a good episode. It was a good episode. Look at it from the saggle coming out, shit talking Rogan, I like it. But listen folks, if I were you, I would go

and just try these sheets very easy, they're the best most comfortable sheets I've ever slept on and I've tried them, I guess. Brooklyn.com is giving an exclusive offer just for YKWD listeners. Get $20 off and free shipping when you use the promo code, whatdudeatbrooklandin.com. Very easy promo code, whatdudebrooklandin.com.

You get $20 off free shipping promo code what dude at Brooklyn and dot com that's be or okay L I N E N dot com promo code What dude and get started on on some more sleep better sleep Snuggle up Snuggle sounds great. Do you sleep well? I It depends I wake up I wake up to use a bathroom probably twice a night. You great. Do you sleep well? It depends. I wake up. I wake up to use a bathroom probably twice a night.

Say, you know, do you snore? Yes. You definitely snore. Only when I drink. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I snore harder when I drink. Yeah. Do you, because you have a, she's not a wife,

but she's a girl. She's a girlfriend. Is she upset about that? When I used to come home fucking super hammered, she'd be like, you know, you come home hammered and I can't sleep. And then we broke up and we were down. And that's not what we're about to get together.

Yeah, she's my mom. He's turned it into the honeymoon. Yeah, you know, fucking. Yeah. What you should, if you're hammered, you'll snore. Yeah. But now that life is over for you, right? Well, dude, like I mean

Or should you go ahead and it should be over for me, but like yes, and no Saturday I was out to five o'clock in the morning right home, and there's a kid there and like you why that's that yeah I'm so hungry. Yeah You're working already. Yeah You work late. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you have to be out. Yeah, it works.

It works. Me and my wife make it work. A lot of people come. It was like we went ahead and like, I know like, but like we got a nurse. Yeah. We first had the kid. We had to like learn a lot.

Right. And now we have an Annie that comes twice a week. So like we still get to like do our shit. Right. You're still probably learning too. Yeah, a lot. Interesting. Yeah.

How durable a child is is pretty incredible. Yeah, I'm always nervous because my friends have kids. When they're very tiny in a two month phase, I don't like to, I like to. Dude, I never liked holding babies. Yeah. It's like the most fun I have now. Really?

Yeah, and like, it's just, well, it's mine. It's your bed. Yeah, so probably a lot more fun. I get super nervous when he's doing something hands me a tiny little kid. I'm like, yeah. I like a kid that's like a fat thug. You know, like a two year old

and you can kind of throw around. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the part I'm excited for. I'm like, this is more, like I'm really not needed right now. Are you gonna, because you're a fashionable guy, are you gonna make the kid fashionable? I mean, we buy them nicer clothes. You and your wife are very fashionable people.

She's a stylist. Yeah. No, you guys, you guys are married, right? What? Are you guys married or just together? We're married, yeah, yeah, yeah, so I know, okay. So you guys, I think this kid's gonna be like a legit fashionable Kid doesn't matter. He's dressed like you but smaller right now

What is it? He's gonna have a jacket jealous of his clothes. That's what I'm at Joe Compton Have a lot of music to you guys play for him Play a lot of Bob Marley in the house. Yeah, we play we've always done that that's good. Yeah, we play a lot of We like him to start smoking weed It's just common music Is it gonna be right coming and just blowing? Yeah, he's in his face. You're getting in at five. You're baby's getting in at six. Yeah, it's that's crazy Are you are you went to kids and you went to having kids now really? Yeah? What about you? Am I into them? Yes? You went to having kids now really yeah, what about you am I into them? Yes, do I

But I think that answer in this is an airing right do you say no kids forever? No, I want kids You want kids eventually, but I'm not I don't even pay my own phone bill. I can't do it I don't pay your phone bill my mom really? Yeah, still yeah, I will do you old enough to part 27 I think I gotta be honest with you. I think that's fine. Yeah, fucker letter. Pag Yeah, let her pay it's all the money to pay baby boomers. Yeah, let him pay But uh and what about you you're are you sure no kids no matter what I tried to get a vasectomy when I was 18 in my doctor Tell me to leave his office. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah, why did you try to get a vasectomy? I still had health insurance I was like let's get this out of the way now. You really don't you don't want them now. I don't really yeah Okay, what could you put into words? Why I just feel like there's enough children? There's enough children. You're not wrong. Yeah, there's enough people.

I don't, I barely care about myself. Yeah, I mean, that's fair. I think that's a fair. I think that's, I can't argue that. I don't think that's fair. There's a lot of people. There's no way I would have a, my child would have a good life. There it is.

There it is. Yeah, that's fair. It's okay. You're a real, so I'm like, here, your life's so nice. I'll pay for your, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it I'm like, here, your life sucks now. I'll pay for your business. Yeah. You're a queen, dude. I'm queen, baby, a story.

Look, you don't know. I don't know. No. So here's the deal. Amazon's, hey, my phone's coming. We got a limited time. What do you mean? Amazon's headquarters, moving along on a city.

We got a limited time. What does that mean? Well, here's what it means. That's all right. OK means. You're hitting me with like, you got to move out now. How's it going to mean? You're scaring me. Not now. Amazon's a website. Let's start there. Bill Gates created this thing called the computer.

So here's the deal. Amazon, you know, what is it? $1,000,000 company? Right? Yeah. It's a big one. Jeff Bezos, they're moving. They have a headquarters.

They're going to move half in Virginia, half in Long Island. They're going to move half in Virginia. They're going to move half in Virginia. They're going to move half in Virginia. They're going to move half in Virginia. They're going to move half in Virginia. They're going to move half in Virginia. They're going to. Jeff Bezos, they're moving, they have a headquarters, they're going to move half in Virginia, half in Long Island City, 25,000 people, all making about 150 grand. The, well, the, the average income will be 150 grand a year.

They're going to take over a huge spot in Long Island City. And probably, I don't know this for a fact, but probably real estate and a story is going to sky roll. Well, Long Island City real estate is Already kind of starting to go up the story of real estate and rent is gonna go up So probably within a few years You know you're gonna start but you guys did that to somebody else Not into the tank by paying $100 a month to live in a room. Yeah $800 a month to live in a room. Yeah, I didn't do anything down.

And I was gonna ask for a story that was where you went to get fucked up. That's still that. No, it's not. No, it is not. Like those bars are totally different. Everything is like, I mean, that's where you went as an other age kid to get fucked.

It was a weird- But there's still families there. There's still a lot of families there. It's not Brooklyn yet. There's still a lot of people at own property there. So the pace of change has been a lot slower and rent is a lot lower than it is in a lot of parts of Brooklyn. So I didn't do that to anybody.

I mean, I have an $800 month rule. I mean, if anybody wants buy and a puff, they can have it. The eye rent from a woman who's owned that three family. She's gonna cash the fuck out. Yes, she might. But I rent from her, so it's not like, but she might, I thought about that same thing, but she might come cash the fuck out. Yeah, she might, you know, but I ran from her. So it's not like, yeah, but she might,

I thought about that same thing, but she might come up to you and be like, hey, they're raising time. You get further out in Queens, go to the island. I'm going to LA, baby, I'm done. What? I'm done. I'm gonna go in a few years.

Yeah. You just see Tim selling oranges. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. You guys heard of Ben and Jerry's here. I think it's great. I think it's great

You can fuck kids. You can every like avocado toast. I think it's much better I think it's gonna get I think it'll get and I don't know. Maybe I'm overstating. Maybe it won't be a big deal I don't think I haven't heard shit I love how he's like my mom pays my phone bill. I have not heard Huge story that's all over Twitter and everything also Amazon's worth $789.5 billion. All right My my cousins my my wife's cousin works for CIA. Yeah, like she tell you that my wife's cousin works for a CIA. Yeah.

They tell you that, she just runs her mouth. She, no, no, no. I thought it was part of it. You couldn't really learn her husband or the same level, but they don't know what each other's, what each other do. Okay, but this is all explained to you.

She told us, because I asked her, I was like, how much does the, like, how much does the government actually listen to you? She's like, unless you're doing something, no, but like what you need to worry about is Amazon, Amazon is collecting more than anybody else. I'd like to think the government listens to this show. I like that. I'd like to think that the NSA wants to show with nine people on like, we talk over each other constantly.

That's been on, that's been on for 13 years. I would personally hope they're listening to that. The next shooter's coming out of this. Now, where are you? You've seen New York change a lot because you're a native, right? Well, yeah, and I grew up originally by the airport in a town that no one knows called Queens Village. Okay. People always think middle village and Queens Village is the same thing, but not the lot further out.

It's the last stop on the F train and about a 20 minute bus. And have you seen the city kind of, you've seen it go from being a, I went to high school down the block from the city bank building. I went on the Thompson Avenue. I went to Frank Sinatra School, the arts before he was in Astoria. Wow. It was only, it was one floor and we shared it with the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the Vry for those of you don't know is the, it's the most, uh, it's like, it's like the Harvard, uh, technical internet colleges that don't exist.

What was the technical school in Long Island called? Oh, Briarcliffe. No. Now what was it called? Something with a B. It was a, well, the Vry is the one that everybody talks around about. But yeah, but they would send all the kids that got suspended like, oh, what was it called something with a B? Well, the Brian is the one that everybody talks around about but yeah, but they would send all the kids I got suspended like oh bocies bocies. Yeah, that was a special school in Long Island Yeah, if you got if you hit a teacher with a chair

Public school you would go to bocies You also like you're in New York City you would just stay in the school you were in Your city would change they would be like thank you. He was running his mouth a little too much. He was tenured, we were trying to get rid of it. But what bumps me out a little bit is like, sometimes I like where I live because like small businesses, there's a lot of immigrant,

it's like an environment of like cool stuff, cool restaurants, all that stuff. It isn't full park and like even those things, like that small town seems to be getting eaten up. Yeah, so just to me, I just, I go to Brooklyn, I'm like, everything feels the same, well the restaurant feels the same and Hatten feels the same, Queen still feels different.

But I feel like maybe that's ending and, hey, there's no way to stop it. It is what it is. Well, it's wild because my town, when I grew up, terrorism, black, it's Hispanic and white. Right. And now it's nothing but it's like Middle Eastern and he knocked down the houses and build these huge square houses and then

move in like three families into. Yeah and this is wild. Queens Village. Yeah. Great. Fun stuff yeah. But this is what happens. I'm getting sad. Yeah. I fear change. This is what happens. Well don't you didn't even know change was happening. Yeah I'm worried. I Yeah, I fear change. This is what happens. Well, don't you didn't even know changes happen? Yeah, I'm worried. I like to know who his mom's dropping the plan. He's like, he's like, if my mother doesn't tell me, I have no idea what's going on. I was like, when my mother informs me about Amazon, I'll start paying an end for them. But other than that, we find out Brendan's photo is just one of those ones for the little kids that only their parents can call it. It's a fine bond. It's a fine bond. It's not a fine bond.

It's a fine bond. Yeah, it's got cookie monster on it. When you press the numbers, it's like Elmo talking. Have you thought about Ricky public school private school? Do you know yet? I bought over in Chelsea and I actually like lived next to the best public school in New York City, but I still would look at private. I went to public school. I don't want my kid going to public. You were a wild kid. I was a bad kid, yeah.

Do you, are you worried that the genes are in that little dude? I mean, I think it's, I don't think I was a bad kid based on genes. I think I was a bad kid based on circumstance. The environment, yeah. Gotcha.

So you're gonna put them in a, you're gonna make sure it's a different circumstances. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna tell my I think any kid that has a godfather with blue hair is gonna turn out We won't we won't It's funny because I even talked to Pete about that. I was like you understand if something happens like my brother still gets the kid like my brother still gets the kid. Right. He's not, it's extremely a credit. Dude, he doesn't know the difference between Godfather and grandfather.

So he like holds himself the grandfather all the time. He's like, no man, you know, get areas, we'll get to it someday. Now today, do you do like a, like a baptism ceremony? Are you Jewish or any religion? Any religion? You can raise a kid with any religion?

As of now, we really have it like thought too much into that as much as it's like keep him alive. That's a great, I think that's definitely it. And then like, no, I think like, I gotta be honest, that's a good move. I think, I think things like that will come up to him wanting to be curious about it or be involved with it. Right, I mean.

Right. So you got a nurse at first to help you. Yeah, for the with it. Like I mean. Right. So you got a nurse at first to help you. Yeah, for the first time. We got a nurse and it was, it saved our lives man. It made everything so much easier. Yeah. It's important I think if you don't really know what you're doing the first couple of years are very essential.

Yeah. You know, because that's like if you fuck those up. Yeah. You could try to get it know, because that's like, if you fuck those up, yeah, you can try to get it back, but it's like, even so like seven to 13 is more important, like those development years of like the mind and like who can, who's there for them. Are you gonna be the cool dad who like smokes weed with the kid? No, because it's funny, because I actually think

about that a lot and I always think about the dad that let us do that at his house. And that was kind of gross. Yeah, monster. He was, there was a guy that in our school, we would go drink. There's, there's always a house where it was in a story. Yeah, for me, that's funny. Mine was in freeport long. I'm, but she's, but mine was in mind by the water.

And there was a guy who, you know the house it always feels like the house have to the party. Like when you walk, you can walk in one say afternoon, it feels like there was just a party. It always has that feeling that just... And Dale Beer is still in the air. It just feels, you know, Ash Ray would cigarette in it

and everything. And this was like, we used a party to house the monsters, literally the monster's house. And like, this was a guy that would like take a paintball gun and shoot bottles of beer out of your hand. He didn't give a fuck about anything. He was such a fun guy that I got, this is true. I got in two boating accidents with this guy.

That's what I'm talking to say. That's how cool he was. After the first run. His son was like, why do you still go on to boat with him, nobody else does? I'm like, it's a great fucking time. We have a lot of fun. I got thrown out of a little boat onto a marsh,

and then one time he drove us into the piling of a bridge. And then he said to me, look at me, he's like, you gotta stop hanging out with me. I'm like, why? He's like, I'm trying to kill myself. I'm like, oh, I'm listening. But that's, at me, he's like, you gotta stop hanging out with me. I'm like, why? He's like, I'm trying to kill myself. I'm like, oh, I'm listening. But that's, you know, that's what, did you, because you're from 2009, did you have any, like, did you have a family like that?

Was it kind of out of control? Yeah, yeah, not, yeah. I mean, it was like, there was one family that left my, like, my friend. They just, they just left him the house and said, we're moving to Florida, we'll pay for the house. Big house and he was resenting it so much that his family went, one time he had a party and he just started punching the windows out. What's he man about?

They left him a big house. I don't like to, people from all over the studio. I like it, but it's a stupid thing. He's not taking care of his own drum. Yeah, I know, dude, it was, it was why. We had great parties there. And then one time he just smashed a bunch of windows, he was bleeding all over the place.

We were like, okay, I think the parties are gonna move to Paul's house. Because he was mad that I got to another. Yeah, because they weren't around. They basically just, it sounds like silence. I know, now I could tell. This is my whole family. Everybody but my parents moved into long islands

Oh, and my parents just like that you know that tax property in the property tax there is fucking saying my parents Just couldn't do it so like we stayed in Queens and all my cousins all my friends one of my friends moved to long island Got hooked on fucking opiates They know got hooked on heroin and they tried to rob a bank on Jericho Turnpike. It was so high he took the fucking paper that came out of the ATM that said he had no more money. He just flipped that over and wrote, I have a gun. Oh my God.

Same charge is having a gun. Crazy. Yeah. Is that true? That's the same. So if you write I have a gun. Same charge. Same charge. This is if you're listening to this and you're in Long Island and you're addicted to the opiate just get the gun. Yeah, but you can get more heroin. So it's funny. It's

funny because you staying Queens everybody moves to Long Island. You know, you would think it would be reverse. You're out there robbing people addicted opiates, but you're doing great and then the long Island people are addicted to the opiates robbing banks. doing great. And then the longer people are taking the opiates, Robin Banks. Yeah, crazy. What was your party house? You said a story. Hours was a story. It was this kid I went to high school with

and his dad was always like, he always said, I'm rather you do it here than out on the street. I know, yeah. That's the guy. And it's like, yeah, but you bought all the drugs and beer. Right, okay. I'd rather you be doing heroin here than out on the street. No, he used to let us smoke weed in his house.

This kid, Anthony Diaz. And his dad used to, it's just weird. It's just weird that an old dude had no problems with us being in his home and hanging out with us. Probably liked it. Yeah, he's probably lonely. Yeah. and hanging out with us. Probably liked it. Yeah, it was probably lonely. Yeah. All of those parents say the exact same thing.

It's so funny. We'd rather you do it here. Get out of the street. It's so funny. They all do it, man. A friend of mine, when we were going up, her mother Tina, Tina's mother, Tony, Tony, Tony, and she used to always go. She always used to go, you know, like,

you can, you want a fucking get high You want to smoke weed smoke it right here in the backyard and we're all like okay Like we didn't even want to smoke we have you not paid for me. What about that mom? The baiji the liquor and she's like I don't want you standing outside the liquor store getting locked up It's like god you just you know I'm those I'm god for those parents getting locked up. It's like, no, you just, you know, I got for those parents. Yeah. Good people. Maybe me being locked up probably would have saved a lot of people. Yeah. Did you ever stick? Cause I, every now and then you didn't have one of those parents did you ever stand outside of a store and try to get somebody to buy you cigarettes?

I used to do that. Can you buy me a vanilla dot. You going in there? Do you mind? Can you get me two vanilla dutch? Is it back a new porch? Well, we had a store right next to the Broadway mall in, in Hicksville that would sell us 40s. Like we would buy, we were like 17 years old buying 40s and showing up to these like house parties with giant four and they knew how old we were and they just would let us drink. But I'll say this after bodegas left like like and it just became like Arabs running, running the delis and whatnot. Yeah, they didn't card Yeah, yeah, they were very lean on on on on card in you

Yeah, interesting because they were strict where I because there's a lot there's a lot of people Well, I and it's different like you gotta do why you end up in the paper like that's like an automatic They're very they're very hard on everything. Yeah, it's like New York's a little bit more relaxed. The city is. I would say. We used to do that though. We used to stand outside of a store and be like, hey, is there any way?

Hey, the person just got out of their car. They're like, what are these two kids? My friend Shay, these two fat kids, and we'd be like, hey, and they'd be like, why? What is this? And we'd be like, can you buy us Twinkies? Yeah.

We did one time, we were like this. We were like, by the way, can you get it back in Newport? It's two vanilla duches. And then my friend goes, in a bagel, she's like, get the bagel yourself. That's funny, you know what I mean? Now, you're from Long Island. Did you have a party house?

Yeah, yeah, it was right down. There was these two brothers right down the block for me. Sam and John Schindler. They were, they were, they were just naming. Yeah, I guess we got, but they were, they were, they were just like, get, but they were weird. They were just like, get high and then like, fix lawn mowers in their backyard. They're like, weird like white, like, interesting. Like, they were like Midwestern, like Southern white trash kids, but they're born and bred on Long Island.

Interesting. But Long Island, the further you go out, the more white trash. Oh, damn it. It gets in, I was just in Eri, Pennsylvania, which is, it is worse in Long Island, but it's like, there's a lot of overlap. You go deep stuff to county.

Sure there's a lot of, you go, yeah, absolutely. You use a lot of overlap. Cause I went to college for a semester in Long Island. That is crazy. Welling college. You went to Dallling. in Long Island. That is crazy. Welling college. You went to Dowling. That's another one. It was a community college with dorms.

Yeah. And it was out of fucking pocket, dude. And it was like the tret, and it was inshurly, and it was in Oakdale. Yeah, I was like 10 minutes from the Oakdale campus. It was Midgetown, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, there's a little town.

Yeah. We would try to tie it. Yeah. Now now how do you end up in downing? Wait, we do that are like NASA community like an actual town. Yeah It's like it was like a summer hometown, but they like made them so tiny so they can make more of them So people only had like a bedroom in it. I've pictured a magical place. I'm not like the roots of this. I got a chance to pour us. Yeah. It's all oak trees. It smells like candy. But Dowling was actually really, really good at sports because they cheated by bringing people in from other countries and I played sports there. Oh, okay. And what did you and that and that area is crazy not there right nuts lots of money right there in Oakdale

But surely the other campus was in surely and that shit is like People realize about Long Island. It was crazy about it. It's very big Right there see Nige-at-town there it is we used to run across those roofs It's just that's opening of it. We had the run only in Long Island would would the shire look horrific We had the run only in Long Island with the shy or look horrific Any of these photos of sunny day A photo has like a Terrible as it is outside today in these photos because the downwind campus in Oakdale was like a rich guys

Compound and just was like that were the help lived originally I love you just imagine like in Long Island just a bunch of racist widgets, you know, I'm a bunch of angry. What a world man. Yeah, I mean, long enough it's big. It's a hundred and eighty mile long. So you get everything from like super rich people to just complete trash. Like you would find in any kids at that school would rent houses and surely like the cool cross team had its own house and all these people and their gigantic houses that rented for nothing yeah but at the same time

we throw parties and then fucking locals would show up yeah and do the fights that it was craze it was seen a lot of these towns. They also have like a corner bar. It's like a blood box with his fights all the time, cops all the time. You know, crazy, crazy. I used to go all those college bars out there. They're terrible, man. When you were growing up in the city, were you ever hanging in Manhattan?

Or were you hanging primarily in Queens? So that was the thing. I didn't go to Brooklyn until I did comedy. Right. I never went to Brooklyn. There was no reason to go to Brooklyn. I stayed in Queens.

I hung out in Bayside Queens. That was a Bayside in White Stone. Like that's where a lot of my friends were from. And then the only time we would really go to Manhattan was when we were skipping school, we were the last stop on the E train before Manhattan. So we just stay on the train and go into Manhattan for the day.

No, that's cool. Yeah, ditching a dead school. Just do walk around, yeah, fucking not do shit, smoke weed, go hang out at the park. Yeah, that's a lot of fun. See, Long Island, we didn't have that. No. When we ditch school, we lived in these little small towns

that our parents also lived in. Yeah. My friends, mother, my friends mother had a green, there were two people that had a green for tourists in my town. My friends mother and a Chinese delivery food guy. So me and my friend would walk around stone ditching class paranoid.

And I'd be like, no, it's the Chinese guy. It's all right. We literally dive, because his mother would come home around one 15 for lunch We would dive behind like like fucking hedges and then he'd be like no, no, no, it's to Chinese guy Yeah, I know it's so boring there that when you someone be like let's ditch school and you'd be like where are we gonna go? Just go to school. It's so bad you go to school So boring you do heroin. Yeah, that's how bad a long aisle really is when it is.

You know what it is? It's that bad. You also just get high and go to school. Like, yeah, people don't realize. I mean, when you ditch school, you are just ditching class. You, right, you people would get high and then just go sit in class like no problem. Like, I took robot testing for a whole day.

It just, it's just school, just fucking robot tripping. In my high school, they did the thing called the double orange mustache where you would just drink a bottle of, I think it was like orange robotus in, and then for some reason just a bottle of orange soda. Yeah, I did that. Afterwards. I did that and they're like, yeah, this is what you took.

I went to an insane clown posse. I just came back to the job alone. I stole it. Jumbo-lo-hi. Yeah, dude, I mean, I would take a whole bottle of purple delsum and then another 20 gels of a robot tusson and just fucking trip balls. Yeah.

What's your kidney like now? Kidney. I'd vlog a go left. I played baseball with a lot of kids from Wall and Island growing up and it always seemed like they're ahead of the party curve. Yeah, the long and you party young. I mean my first line of blow I was like 14-13 maybe. That's crazy. Yeah, first line of blow was crazy. I was tripping it. I fucked at 12. The first time I ate, I didn't drink at 16. I wish I fucked at 12. I could time I, getting drinks at 16. I did, I wish I fucked at 12.

I could not get anybody to fuck me. I kept trying. The priest was like, no, this is literally just coming in your heart. All right. Hard to get. But, yeah, I mean, the first time I took it, and this is crazy, but the first time I took acid,

I was standing on stage. It was graduation of eighth grade. And me and my friend Tina and Shay each took a tab of acid for the first time on stage at our eighth grade graduation. And it was like it was stood there and the valetorian got up and wouldn't shut the fuck up. So you think an eighth grade valetorian would be quick. This motherfucker was like and then my grandfather came to this car. It was like Jesus. And but that was the first time. This motherfucker was like, and then my grandfather came to this car. It was like Jesus. And, but that was the first time. So we were like, we were

kind of endless. I was in extreme case, but a lot of people that grow up in long, and it's kind of the perfect storm for drugs, because there's money, but there's, and there's opportunity. And then your parents are also trying to fucking stay of alive. So they're working alive, usually. And then your parents are also trying to fucking stay alive so they're working a lot usually, and they can't really pay, you know, it's the perfect storm to just get fucked up, you know? And it's, but I don't regret it a lot.

I had a lot of fun. Yeah. You know what I had all out of the way. But if I had a kid or if I had a friend's kid or anybody that you know, and I had all out of the way. But if I had a kid or a friend's kid or anybody that I was like an uncle or Godfather to or whatever, I would never want them to do the things that I did. I would never raise my child in Long Island.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially right now. Do you know my brother's actually moving out of the state now because he like had to make the choice of like, move to Long Island or like, he had to find a house if he wanted to have kids. Yeah. And he said that in public schools in Long Island right now, they're teaching kids how

to inject their friends if they were to die of a heroin overdose. Like I really like going out and fucking thing right. That's kind of nice. They're training that. That seems crazy. I know training video. Everybody know after after. No, because these kids are oh yeah of course there's like

fucking what is your like auditory excuse me Clark to do forget your adrenochrome could you show up to class without your adrenochrome tonight this is the third time this week what is going to happen when what is it called what is the stuff they stick you with what is that called? Naxalon. That's a lot. Relax on. Dude, Darius. So Ray Compasaw girl Odeeing on the train. Oh my god. Unless that's just a cover story

Marks on her neck. I'm just going to see PR wrong. But, dude, I agree with you, man. It is rough, like, great. On-site in school buildings, bro. That's fucking disgusting. Read this, Mike. This is a little bit of a disgrace.

So, school districts on Long Island and statewide are stocking in the Lock Zone on-site in school buildings to have the opioid antidote at the ready because of the growing issue of abuse of the deadly drug educators and health officials said. So yeah, there's 340 schools across New York state, including dozens on Long Island, that have provided training for school nurses and other personnel. But it doesn't say they're teaching the kids. But I'm sure that's next.

Where is he going to move? Austin actually. Yeah, well, they're dirt pigs too. I mean, so his kids keep beating out the Hollacks. You know what I mean? My kids are drunks and they own a food truck and they're in shops for a whole new thing. You know what I mean?

His life is a nurse and supposedly nurses get paid the fuck out in Austin. I would not want to ever live in Long Island again. I've done my, and I, I, listen, I didn't mind living here. I didn't mind growing up there, but I would never go back to live in Long Island again. I've done my, and I, I, Liz, I didn't mind living here. I didn't mind grow up there, but I would never go back to live there, I think. I was like, I wonder if there's something I do there. I do, I do, I do.

No, I don't know. I would people are also, I don't realize it. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's the only way I'd move back there. It's like, I can't see my neighbors. You don't realize until you leave, but the people are so stereotypically long Island. When you go back, and you're just hearing them talk,

and look, go perform a governor. Yeah. Yeah, I did a fucking sucks. I know, and I did a man-a-leven joke out there and I heard a bunch of fucking, I didn't really hear this, but you could tell they fucking hated me. I did like a 9-11, it was like a fun island. I was like a different anywhere else. Wow, I'm out fucking later. Now but it is, listen, here's the thing. A lot of people that you have bumper stickers. Here's the difference between Long Island and other places. Long Island has a breed of person that's actually,

like, it's the confident heck. It's the person who's kind of a heck, but very confident. They think they're right. They kind of appropriate the success of New York City. To like, we live 40 minutes out of New York City. So it's like, but they never go there. They never go there. They don't go into it.

And then they also, when a comedian comes to town, like, listen, I've performed in a lot of Hick areas, but sometimes you'll do a joke there. And like some people will just be like, yeah, that wasn't for me, but they're in their head that like, maybe I didn't get it or maybe they're like, well, Nieland's like, you're wrong. You're wrong.

I don't like it. Fuck you and can who you are? Signed foul. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter your level of relative success. Fuck you, you're here in Long Island in a strip mall next to a dairy barn. And we are the arbiters of taste.

It's kind of, you know. So Texas basically, it's exactly like Texas. I don't know, I haven't done a lot of that. There's a scene in that comedian documentary with Signed Fat where he says, let's go out to miserable governors. It's like performing in Alabama. Yeah, because really Alabama,

it's crazy. How big the have to get before people shut the fuck up a list of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you grow up, Gabby? Yeah, Jersey, Jersey Shore. Jersey Shore, like Tom's River? Yeah, no, a little north. Okay, and what is that like in the winter? It's a tundra.

We do a lot of drugs. There's a lot of heroin too, but it's not. It's just a lot of pain to see. And then in the summer, it comes alive. Yeah, everyone parties their balls off. Yeah. So we've heroin so hot. But heroin's big now, man.

When I went out, heroin's in. I was in, I was in. I was a drug addict for years. Like I was not a fucking, I was a guy that would like, I was drugs and I never really saw her. I mean, either. Or heard about heroin cocaine, crack, well like oxygen.

Of course, yeah, but then there was like the oxy-con. I heard about all that, but I never heard about heroin. I was never like to, that's made me feel. No, me neither, dude. And so sick, so fast. Yeah. What about you, you're all with your straight-out trend? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you've never done anything? No. Yeah. Never? I like drank when I was young, but that was it. Yeah. No, but I would take the green Watson's, the viking in, and then I would take the Watson's family

that makes viking. And then I would take the blues, and then the narcos are called the blue narcos. And then the oxies and all that. They're like the old. 80-nil-gram oxies. And you would just scratch and feel queasy. It was not fun.

Yeah, we used to have, we used to, I mean, that's terrible. We used to have like ecstasy parties where everybody's just taking ecstasy in a house and like it was really fun. And one time we got it cut with heroin. Nobody's fucking, it's just a big buffet. Yeah, it's just a bunch of meat.

It's just meat. Yeah, we used to have it. It's just, everybody can just eat this on your island eating teramisu, go, ooh. Oh, it's about your meat. It's just me. Yeah, we used to have it. It's just everybody. You're just eating some island eating teramisu going, ooh, oh, oh, oh, so good. What's it called? That family dinner. Yeah, it is like just taking the XC with your mom. So nice.

But we took XC that was caught with heroin, but it was more heroin than it was MDMA. Well, it's cool, of course. Very sad. Yeah, very sad. People were just in the house I'm causing heroin addict and it's tough because they come to Thanksgiving You got a lot to coach up you everybody's got to like watch your shit

Like cousin Megan like we go around the table Who is thankful for two veins? I'm not gonna not met and fucking mess you know she knows you heroin addicts. What was she grateful for last year? Thank you Everybody There's like one person in your family that doesn't know it's heroin her mother Like this mother's like that's enough and begging I'm sick And her mother's like okay, and she's like I don't feel good Like I was my Irish Catholic family just All right, dig in right

Well great Well great My uncle that does heroin last year came to Thanksgiving four or five days after he had a quadruple bypass Oh my god quadruple didn't even know that you can do that. That's crazy And he showed up and he was like purple. He was just walking around I thought you were gonna say four or five days after Thanksgiving Where do you have Thanksgiving? We have it in Long Island. We are in Long Island my new high park nice new hide Park yeah, okay, and then you it's still very Queens though. It's still very still very west close. It's close It's on the border. Where is all of your Thanksgiving? I go to this place Jonathan's in

Minola I find air and used to work there. It's great. Yeah, no, my friend. I know that's work. Yeah. Yeah, far off New York. That's nice. That's not far, right? No, I mean, you know. And how many people go? It was like 15, 20, when it first happened, and then it's just getting smaller and smaller. Of course, yeah.

If you get older, what happens? It's still got a my grandma's house in San Antonio. What do they do there? Stritional Thanksgiving. Although my grandma is getting pretty old, and so she'll try to cook in almost kill herself every morning. Oh my God. Maybe someone should help her.

They are trying to help her. They have people who live with her who are trying to help, but she'll just wake up and does something. Do you do any other cool dishes? Yeah, they do their Mexican stuff, or like weird stuff, like just someone will bring like a venison, you know, just like that. Thanks. It's pretty cool. And then like that.

And then I might look a little bit Chinese, but try went to those kind of party Yeah show up it's good. I'm dressed like your grandmother What about you or you doing new-eyed park again or now you yeah? We're gonna know we're gonna do my wife from Michigan. So we're gonna do Christmas there and Thanksgiving in in My wife's from Michigan, so we're gonna do Christmas there and Thanksgiving in In in well island with my family. Okay. Now you're used to married man. It's split in the time Yeah, man. It's I mean, I was already doing it. Yeah, just without a kid. I mean Yeah, so what are you excited about holidays or that cuz I don't know man my mom passed a few years back So like I just, I haven't, I've never celebrated another holiday

after my mom passed with my father. Right. So there's a whole bunch of angry shit that comes with the holidays. Yeah. But this year with the kid, I hope in it will be like, I'm glad you're here.

It's great, your holidays are gonna be so much better every year, dude. I feel like once he's able to start the process what the holidays are that'll be really cool But it's a little bit like realize he's the Thanksgiving's about genocide of the natives So much Like right now like this holidays very much for like yeah, my wife's family my family and the rest But I think as you cuz I think holidays are about Listen, me and all my cousins were all 30. In the late 20s, early 30s, nobody has kids.

People have chose heroin. They chose stand-up comedy. They chose, and it's depressing. We will just sit around and everybody just kind of looks at each other and eats and then it gets to the Canada. Everybody has their like ill-filling stories each other, but they don't bring it up. So you just kind of sit in there in this weird energy

for hours, and then you have to fucking act like it's okay when it's really not. Families are pussed. And then you're like, I should be purple like Uncle Ray. That guy's fucking killed by the eyes. Yeah. Families are ponsing scheme and if you don't keep pumping it with new people, it's bad.

You mean the new people that don't hate everything yet. That's why you have kids. My heroine uncle, I didn't even tell him that we had a kid yet. So if he shows up, I'm going to be like, hey, I had a kid. Like, I don't even know how to even speak to some of these people. He's very interesting. What about your Thanksgiving, Gabby?

What do you do? You go back and go to a club. We go to a club and we just kind of like stop. Phone party. Would you lines of code off of a turkish? You don't. You seem at all like somebody to grow up in the Jersey shores. Not at all, I do.

I know, we kind of rebelled. Though, my pants are bad. Are you Italian? No. We're the only non-italian people in my town. Everyone who's Italian. It's amazing. It's amazing.

Yeah. Wow. We do like misfit Thanksgiving. What the fuck is that? Because no one talks to their family. So it's our family and everyone who doesn't talk to their family comes to our Thanksgiving. And everyone gets fucking hammered at five. It's amazing.

Okay. This is after Christmas last year. Yeah. It's the best. Yeah. Got a bunch of comics stuck in town. I go to Rockville Center to my aunt's house. I'm trying to get a new family.

I want a new family. I think at 30 you should be able to get a new family. Yeah. No offense to my old family. I think it's my old family. It's my old family. I think it's my old family. The reality is I think once you've walked the journey

with people, you get to a point, you go, let's start seeing other families. Yeah, I would really love to trick another old woman to paying my phone bill. Yeah, I mean, listen. There's websites for that, man. Yeah, really? Yeah, what about you?

What do you do for Thanksgiving? I usually go out to my mom's house out in Babylon just everyone kind of congregates there. I'm going out and just like, go into Indianapolis because my best friend lives out there now. Oh wow. So a bunch of us from Long Island are gonna like go out there and hang out

with her house with her boyfriend. And you're vegan. Yeah. So will they do like a vegan Thanksgiving? Yeah, her, she's vegan and then two of my friends that are going with me are also vegan. So it's like, and then she's just gonna, could I live with her for like four years?

Straight edge vegan Thanksgiving. Yeah, well already. Yeah. Yeah. It's gonna eat a bunch of napkins at the falsely baked pizza. Yeah. It'll be nice.

My uncle wanna do well at that. Yeah. No. I'll tell you right now, man. I mean, it's a fucking holiday start to suck when you get older. It's really wild, man. And how much you love them as a kid.

I still love Christmas, man. I mean, I love everything but Christmas. I love everything. No, I mean, I love Christmas. I just don't love the day sitting there with the people. But I love, to me, Christmas is December. Yes. All of December.

All of December. Christmas in New York, the tree. Hot shots. The Mormons give free hot chocolate on the Upper West Side. The people with the bell rings. I'm always drinking it. I'm always drinking it. Yeah, I just always walk by.

I'm like Joseph Smith. And I'm like, why not? I'm not a Mormon right now. But it just seems like a fun thing to do. Yeah, it's fun, man. It's such a good time. I get hammered. Yeah, I mean, I'm just, I'm just into the whole fucking season.

You know, I'm like a loser. I love Christmas. I'm walking around like a fucking, I'm like singing silver bell. I love that. I like people's energy during Christmas. I really like that. I even feel it in like, especially as comics, you feel that shit in the clubs, you feel like people are, especially people are in New York City. Like it's just a fun time. So that's your time. It spikes hard though January 2nd.

Just that's what I go to LA for two weeks in January, two weeks in February, because I get suicidal. Yeah. Here in January, February, it gets so cold. We ever think about this. The only reason we have these suicide, the only reason we have these holidays is because during this time more people are suicidal, so they need something to like, no, Jesus was going. That's a theory that I'm not working with. I think it's probably untrue. Yeah I'm working with. That's true, but I'm with you for that.

What do you do for Thanksgiving? I just go out to Long Island. We used to, when I was growing up, my grandfather at this big house on Long Island, and he built it, and it was like this huge house. It was a really cool part of Long Island, Brookville, which is a very wealthy now, but not in the 75 when he built his house, it was just like literally vacant land.

It was really crazy. They had 50 people. They would have everybody, he had just big Irish family, every cousin, everybody that ever met. And it would go on from like two in the afternoon till four a.m. and there'd be fist fights and music

and all kinds of cool shit. And like my nan would make two 22 pound turkey. It would be like insane and then you know you're by year by year it gets smaller smaller smaller they sell the house to move to another house people have to stop drinking people go to rehab get divorced and now it's like it's an Irish family so now it's just like eight people who are completely shattered sitting at a table, snaring in each other. What is left? Not what are we thankful for.

Right, we used to do that. One of our houses, someone would cook. It was a big thing, everybody had a good time. And then as it gets smaller, you start just be like, let's just go to a restaurant and have people cook it for us. I think that's to move a lot of times. It's to just kind of go to the restaurant and just say, my uncle's in the restaurant business in New York and stay-couses and like he always gets a private room on Christmas and like, it's just so nice.

It's really nice. It's really nice. It's the one holiday that I'm excited for. And shellfish towers and you know, rib eyes and just craziness and you just feel, you know, and then like, and he invites his trash family from like upstate, they come in and they're like, the whole room is ours. They're like, look at this shri-

and they go to the snake well done, because they're animals. Gotta be careful, but it's like it's not Denny's. You know, pig. But it's like that type of shit is fun, man. And it's just like, I think what Ricky is gonna see every year it's gonna get better because you've got the kid.

Because without the kid, man, let me tell you right now, it's fucking rough. No, I know, I absolutely know. It's, I mean, the holidays in the last two years have not been my favorite time at all. And it's always like where my father wants to like research and be like, hey, what's being a family? It's like, fuck you, dude. It's like a crazy, what to like research and be like, hey, what's being a family? It's like, fuck you dude.

It's like a crazy, what do you think Trump does for Thanksgiving? Like what do you think the Trump thinks who rating is? You're not, I'm sure they eat you well. But he's like, you got a one that's a lot of it's nice. It's Marlago, it's you. It's you. They don't even have Turkey that lobsters.

What's the interesting? What's the interesting? Thanks giving to be at, just him, the kids, they're all under, they're about to be a tiny dog. Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fui para! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujeta esa disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Christmas they had in the White House and I'll have Mike get a picture of it was the upside down from stranger things like the way they decorated the way they decorated the White House for Christmas.

Yeah, I saw it. It was the craziest thing I'd ever seen. The Obama's had this beautiful spread. Look at, look at Melania, look at this, look at Obama number one. This was the Obama Christmas, 2014. Yeah. And look at Obama's Christmas. Okay, now look at that.

Oh my God. Look at that. How terrifying. That Christmas. That's unbelievable. Look, it's crazy. Dude, that's the white witch from Narnia. Yeah.

That's the fucking upside down. It's just so cool. It looks like one of those like restaurants that does like, oh, like molecular gastronomy. Yeah. Like, it looks like a nasty care. Yeah, I'm telling you right now, man. It looks like a place in Long Island, you do Coke,

and it looks like a Miami club, but it's on the shitty like Route 110 next with Burger King. Now I want to hang out there. Yeah, this is not, it's terrifying. It looks like every wedding hole in Long Island. I just wonder like what there's that, what there's things, like, does Trump carve the turkey? Does he say anything before the meal?

It's like he get off in person, not a turkey. Just a poor baby. Just a poor baby. He partens a poor baby. Yeah, he got one of them. You're good for now. Yeah, man, it. Yeah, man. It's wild, man.

I'm gonna say Trump when we go around saying thankful this year. Oh, that's hilarious. That's so funny. That's Donald Trump. Relax, my general Trump. My son, Donald Trump, I love him. That's a big deal, man. People are afraid. My family never a big deal, man.

People are afraid. My family never talked about politics, really, because we have so many personal tragedies. That politics is so far away. But there's people that are really upset now, because you're like, I don't want to go home, because they have like, you know, relatives that disagree with them, and they get in big fights. Yeah, we have a rule, no politics. I'm not nice. Yeah. My family always just argues about who is in big fights. Yeah, we have a rule, no politics on our lives. Yeah, my family always just argues about

who is the most liberal. Oh, interesting. That's always like, as you wait, vegan turkey. That's all equating. I was in the age of, you're in your aunt's non-binary now. Yeah, you have to call her day.

I will be referred to as day. You're like, all right. It's just like my uncle and my grandpa, like yelling each other about politics and then my one other uncle who's in New York City cop is just like, I think blue lives matter also. Yeah, right,, all right. It's just like my uncle and my grandpa, like yelling each other about politics, and then my one other uncle who's in New York City cop is just like, I think blue lives matter also. Yeah, right, right, right, right, right. There's no, it's so funny.

We don't have a ton of those fights in our family because like, we have a range of people. I think we have a lot of Democrats and we have like Uncle Tommy's Republican, but like in a cartoonish way, like he, he is not even like, I don't even know if he knows why. He was a Republican. He doesn't know,

like he just has to make America great again hat. I don't know if he knows what it is even, you know? Like I think he just thinks it's like a fun thing. And he just likes big groups of people. Yeah, he just thinks it's a fun. And then he always ran. I like winners. Yeah, that's what he likes.

Right, he likes, no idea. But did your family ever get in fights? Oh yeah, we're Mexican. Yeah. So what do you guys fight about? Just Porsche. Usually, usually, it happened to them when they were 12. Just Porsche.

I love that. 65 year old people argued about like banging someone's girlfriend when they were in high school. Really? Oh, that's good. Just bringing back the numbers. Never let anything go. So. Do you guys ever like, is there like ever a thing

where nobody talks for a while? Yeah, there'll be like 20 minutes of silence while. Oh, I'm talking like 20 years, a grudges. Oh, yeah. That's how you're talking. Yeah, I'm talking like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a 20 minutes.

That's, you just stopped coming, like I never saw him since I was a little kid and then he died and yeah, he never came back You ever have a gay uncle that nobody talks about? No, I don't know it came out. I mean, I did I hate Ricky so cool like everything Ricky's Cool than everybody else Ricky's like He died of AIDS he wrote the show rent No, it's on my Puerto Rican side. He was gay and he died of AIDS. That's even cooler I'm Ricky the Lazz, I'm a Chelsea. No, it was on my Puerto Rican side.

He was gay and he died of AIDS. That's even cooler. Yeah, it's the West Side Story game. My reggae got caught each other, like right at Christmas Eve and they, you know, Santa had to get canceled and everything. Why did they fight each other? I don't know, some bullshits.

Mom's pirated bullshits. Mom's pirated bullshits. Oh, no. Bullshits. Now there's some iris bullshits. My parents held in shit. All that shit, too. Oh, Bill. Oh, Bill. Oh, Bill. No, there's some iris, Bullshit. My parents held in shit. Oh, that shit, man. My father and his brothers got mad at each other

and they threw each other in a pool during my communion. Yeah, what I mean. So that's, you know, it's like, that's why I want to fight him by wedding. That's a culturally challenging event. And you know what I mean? I think the communion, but I, there's been like a, there's been a lot of fights where like my, you know, somebody wanted to drive home drunk.

This is a huge, huge like catalyst for a fight. Somebody wants to drive home plastered. That's bullshit, dude. I drive home drunk every holiday. I always say go. They all go, yeah, they go, are you okay? I'm like, wow. That's fine. You're like, I'm saying help me. Please don't let me do this. I'm like, wow. I'm like, no, no. That's fine. You're like, my gosh, my gosh. I'm saying help me, please don't let me do this. They're like, get in the car. They're like, hopefully he's dead. My cousin and heroin trying to drive home,

she doesn't have a car. She's just like, oh my gosh. She's sitting on a trash can. She's just miming down the street. Waving to people. Everyone in my family stopped drinking, so everyone now just has their own two liter of Coke Zero. I don't think you have a party as well.

I don't think you have a family. I don't think you have a cult. I don't think you have a family. You don't have a good shoes. There are a lot of things. I cult is the shoe. Are more you explain your family. And our leader, our own dad.

I go home, I sleep in a big bunk bed, we all have a magic track suit, it's very nice. We all get together, we drink a free-range water. And we watch Camera Ness Pizzeros special every year. Camera Ness Pizzeros Christmas special. And then we make a list of words we can never say. And then we leave. That is a winter.

You need to say winter, we're thankful for this. That's so funny. Say and then we leave Trump Thanksgiving gotta be terrifying the tomorrow. Oh, man. That has to be awesome like when you have that much money You kind of do your own shit. Well, you want to do it. Yeah, yeah, you know sure they don't even all sit down together You kind of do your own shit. Well, true. I'm sure they don't even all sit down together He doesn't have any like his kids in hand. There's no relation I They all get together to take the picture and then it's all separate. Yeah, and then that's it No, I don't know. We don't know that. I don't know. Maybe they talk but I just can't see him as like an involved dad Yeah, that's hard to see I feel like a Christmas

He probably gives his kids like a lot of presents, but he didn't buy any of them. Right. It's just like a car than like a present of the free world. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, but before that, yeah. Right. No, every year. Every year.

Every year. He thinks Santa's like a socialist or something. He's one of those guys who like you wonder like what? And you know of my favorite things about him is they say he just eat just eat fast food And he has like a few friends where he just calls them and it's like their CEO's major company Just what are you doing? He calls them at the end of the night and just yells about how shitty everything is and how everybody's trying to fucking do them in and get them And he just calls them and he lays in his bed and he eats a big Mac and he calls them He just complains that I'm like,

my life is Trump. Like that's insane. Like you can have all the money. He's got a special. He's running the world. It's the same life. We're all just eating shitty and complaining. Calling our three loser friends and complaining

about everything like, he's like, did you see that vulture list of the most comics you need to know? 38 comedians. 38 non-binary comedians that you will know if you stumble into the back of a tapas restaurant I love those lists cuz they none of them have any like like it's always a weird number of people It's like 17. Yeah 106 comedians you should have known by yet That was the last one that said 100 comedians that didn't pull their dicks out.

And it's like, you got a fact check on that? Like, you have a fucking stop it. I mean, most lists I know I should be on, but that one is, I know I should be. And that's the one that I'm like, okay, this makes sense. I think it's fun. Nothing of your baby, too. Yeah, it's funny, man, because I think the list,

like everybody gets kind of caught up, even though you don't want to Which is like human nature to look at these things and be like why not me dude? Yeah, well, they're literally going like you're not good Right, I've muted every single person on my Instagram. You accept my child. I cannot Your child has no Instagram You guys don't follow me in followers I know I only did it everybody but my child make sure I say I able to like what I only did it at every party, but my child. Tell me, make sure I say, I able to like.

What is your son's name? Leo. Leo is a fucking awesome name. My real pastfulness. Leo is a fucking crazy name. I like Leo. I keep it in the fog, dude. Are you crazy?

That kid is gonna fuck. You can get laid by next. He'll be dating everyone around that. Very soon. Very, very soon. Does your kid have like a number I can have or like? I mean yeah, that can I get his phone number it was a joke. I'm gonna fuck your kid That was the bit when do you think you want to have a kid saggula? I don't know I don't I maybe like 30

What do you think Mike Fini is gonna have a kid? I don't see Marik's year. Yeah, I don't know He was married. Yeah, he's been married for a while. I don't know. He talks about it. I almost salted him on Halloween. Because he was Tony Clifton. Yeah, and I didn't realize who it was doing that. Yeah, that's fucking annoying.

Wait, what was that? The show? Yeah, no, no, he did it as a... He did not lose character the whole night. Yeah, I mean, that's pretty impressive though. He did stay in character. And what happened? What was he just heckling everybody? No, he was uh, he was like just being like shook me up twice and I was like and I finally turned to Julio and I was like who is that because if it happens again

I'm a hit on it's like it's fiendy. No, wait a minute. Where so where was it? New York comedy club. Oh, okay And he was tripping on troops. Yeah, nice I'm like feeding. Nice, yeah. He dressed up as, that's funny. Yeah, some people didn't know, some people knew. I don't know, I wasn't there. I was in LA for Halloween.

It's kind of not the same. You kind of need the East Coast for holidays. Yeah, it felt very, very, very hot. People get mad at me, but I'm like, you know what? Why? I don't know. There's something about a Hawaiian Christmas. Doesn't do it for me.

Yeah. I don't know. People disagree, but you know what? I just think that Christmas Thanksgiving, these are holidays and they're all well. Well, they're about the East Coast. See like a fall three with lights on it. And the South. And the warlands and places like that.

See like a palm tree with lights on it's like, you know, it's like fucked up. I just hate seeing those people in LA wearing like north faces. Right. It's fucking 65. Yeah, to me, it's like, your AC is set to this stupid. Take off your jacket. LA, it's like, do what you do.

Just be, because LA is like 80, 75 every day. It's like, be that. You're not holidays. Holidays are about changing seasons and the passage of time,.A. is just about Burning down the fire stops. It's hot to dry burns down again. Like yeah, to me It's like the idea of like that is disgusting. I'm looking at a palm tree right now. Yeah, it looks like Christmas She said to me. It's just not the move. No, I like a nice cold

Christmas me too, you know, I like walking by seeing the tree every year I walk by Rockefeller Center. I look at the tree Work in the city, okay We talking about where do you work to work in that area? No, okay, no, I'm not even I'm never in that area Okay, but it's nice to walk by. Yeah, like if you go to the stage, everyone has a winter spot they like. I like the Central Park ice-creating rink, the Trump rank, not because it's his, but I just like that view.

Because the other rink is too much for me. Watching people eat it on that rink is great too. Great. It's a great hour of your life if you get a good day. I love like a hot chocolate in Central Park at the Central Park. I did that. I used to love that to walk through the park and then go to the plaza. Yeah, I love that. It's a lot of men use socks now. It does suck. It's so. They changed it up. But I just like I love Christmas in New York. And as soon as like January 2nd, I'm like,

I just like I love Christmas in New York and as soon as like January 2nd I'm like, uh-huh me get out of here. Yeah, let me go. I'm an 18 foot tree. Do you really? I was a fucking tree. Do you do like the deck? Are you when are you gonna day you decorating the tree? Probably usually like a day after a day after or so Thanks given no, we just do it ourselves. Wow. That's awesome, dude What do you do? You have a little tree in a story? I get a little tree. I like to put it on my, you know, on my, on my, on my nights.

Me and Alan Fox are gonna get a little tree. He'll steal from another neighbor. I'll never get your roommates. Somebody will be like, knocking on the door, they'll be like, my tree's missing. What's it like? What?

I'm like, what? I'm like, what? Living with Alan Fox. He's fine. We're never there. He's never there. We're in different schedules. We'll both out nights What's like what's the bathroom look like to find just plain? I mean, he's got a girlfriend She's a lot of hair. It comes over. There's hair dye Palm made you know, but it's like normal. I mean, it's just a pretty normal It's as normal as grown men having to live with each other

You know what I mean. It's just like, you and him living together makes me laugh so hard. Well, you know, you know him for like a long time. So funny. I didn't know him until I moved in with him. I never met him really. I never met him. I had no idea.

We were kind of awkward. Which is new as Skams. I didn't know. He says, appear mid-scheme, dude. He's an enterprising guy. Like, I respect him. I kind of respect, like, I kind of respect, like I kind of respect there. And it's like, at a certain point,

I tell him to go harder, like I'm like, fucking, go hard. Oh yeah, no, there's no back stepping now. You've already made your bed. Did you know him for a long time though? I just knew him around because he was always running his scams. Oh. Did he just always running a scam out of comedy?

This is not me saying this, Alan. I'm gonna get a fucking face. He went from Alan Fent, Alan Fuck, he's changed his name. That's the number one thing you do when you're a scam artist. You change your name a bunch. Well, I think I have a bunch of uncles that have done the same. Well, that was his original name. And then he changed it to Finn, because he got teased as Fox people to which is I mean

If you're a kid and you're not teasing someone in Fox And then he got teased so then he got he went then he became 35 years old and then changed his name again Because he was scamming people and people knew his fucking name with the bullshit. Stop with the bullshit. Let me know just change. Oh, you know what? I don't think people are gonna tease me anymore for this. I've got an over this.

No, you've been scamming people. I know you're game, but the people she did. I literally never thought about it. And I'm not kidding with you. I never thought about that angle. That's actually interesting. I never thought about that. I just took a face, but I was like, okay.

But that's interesting. Because people recognize his name from the fucking... It like one of the Craigslist ads he puts up to get people to do his fucking shows. It's like a sushi restaurant that changes their name. Like I went to this restaurant in Korea down the other day. It was more Shanghai Dream. Now it was called Shanghai Mung. I'm like, what happened? And they got rid of the sushi. And I'm like, wait a minute, what happened? And it's just always probably a tax reason where they're like, no, Shanghai Dream's all that money. Shanghai mom owes nothing. I was like in like an eight year old kid's name. Yeah, it's an a dead person's name.

That's so funny. What what's your McCall? I just try to get away. Yeah, we can talk about it for an hour. You're gonna talk about it for an hour all the time. I'm gonna talk about it for an hour. I know. I didn't for an hour all the time. I'm gonna talk about it for an hour, I don't know. I didn't know he was going on Craigslist to get people to his show. And like, what would what's what bringers do, man? Is that true? Yeah, that's how I got on my first bringer. My first show is a bringer for Craigslist.

New York Comic Club. Baron Aaron Sheba Mason. What's his name? What was he, Baron? He's Steve Aaron's. Yeah, Steve Aaron's put me on my first show. and so it was what would the Craigslist answer? It would just be like you want to do comedy? It's a big day. It would be like you want to be a big famous star with a great life

Bring seven people to my blah blah blah. I love the idea and when you're looking at these There's not a lot of like choices. It's like between him sheba and Fucking Jeff Lawrence. Well, Jeff Lawrence is the warm b**. And then when you hear about the new guy, Alan Fux, you're like, I can't possibly, Alan, V. Alan Fux. It's gonna beat Alan Fux. I'm the guy that's.

There's no way you changed your day from Jeff Lawrence to Fux. It's gonna be a different Alan F. You got to respect Jeff Lawrence. Jeff Lawrence is the warm b** of that shit. Left and Boudre has. Oh, I've always got. Oh, yeah yeah he's got training seminars he has he has comedians working as teachers for him to do crazy yeah crazy and like every now and then he takes the money he goes to South American smokes crack

for two months it's so cool it's like it's a fun it's a fun life it's a fun life. It's a fun life. I gotta hope no one loses in this. By the way, the description of this show is technical problems. Do not listen to this show. Ricky can afford to do this. I am not as cool as you. You can afford to piss all about it. Not, I guess I can. That's a good point.

I'm gonna call this one allegedly. I need my life before that. You said call this one allegedly. I need my life in the room with a hunch. I need a He'll burn down the apartment. I'll come back to a burn department. I'll be like what happened He'll be like it was Amazon. Yes I'm out in Finn again by the way That's so funny, man. I can't wait till Amazon moves in and he's just hanging out in the plaza of Amazon Do we used to go that that has a great food court in the bottom of it? Listen to this ready. This is Jeff Lawrence's laughing Buddha. Oh my expert instructors have appeared on Comedy Central VH1

Las comics and Fox CNN MTV NBC various films TV and commercial roles and I've had their work appear in the New York Times will shoot you Turn blah blah blah blah blah blah they've written for all this other shit. We they wrote for the movie superset Yeah, sorry documentary about McDonald's we choose our truckers carefully They must be talented giving and care about the comedians and entrust Learn more about instructors below. So let's go down below here We have Jeff. Covered his face. Okay. Okay. Joedavitos. Okay. So the third Joedavitos. Very funny. The third guy down. I have no

idea. I've never seen his. That's the super size me. Third down. I'm already like I have no idea. He was in train, Rick. Deflorentz is like, sometimes you'll message me and be like, wait a minute I was supposed to be on this bringer and I can't respond because I'm in Cartagena smoke out Go down. Yeah, I don't really know that guy either I wouldn't say carefully would be the word I would use to choose about this line up Okay, she's you know, this is a person

I Okay, she's, you know, this is a person. Keep going. Watch your hands on me, break down. I got it away. Okay, now we're off to, how are we off to Shane? I love to Shane. They got a picture of Farley, right? Yeah. I'm sure Lesley Jones knows her face is up there.

Have any of you guys taken a comedy class? No, but I worked. I worked for Jeff Lawrence for like a year and a half when he was like doing that. And I would audit those comedy classes. And one time he got Julio Galarotti to like speak to everyone. And everybody's like,

well, Julio's just so hot. Everybody's like, I know. It's a good looking comedian. I know. I'm big knowledge, I try to get me into his career. But it's so funny because Julio knew it was bullshit too. So he's like, yeah, you know, just fucking keep going and keep writing.

And everyone's like, yeah, you know, just fucking keep going and keep riding. And I would never keep riding. He goes, he goes, he wants to say a few words to the class of the day and I said to him, I go, think about that. Think about that. And he's like, yeah, okay. Think about that. How does that go? Your instructor told us to not do it in our daily jobs. Yeah, that's an accent. Alan. Put that out in your head, Jeff. I did a show at some comedy theater in North Carolina. And they're like, it's like an improv's place. But they're like, do you want to talk to our stand-up class

beforehand? And literally, I was just like, I'm no one. I have nothing. New York is terrible. And I'm dying. And they're like, dying. OK, great. So fun.

And then after seven years You two can look up websites on a on a pot. Yeah, well the other thing is like I'm sorry I don't have one road People like all right, they were like friends. Yeah, don't get sad I love the idea of people teaching a comedy clip makes me laugh like I laugh at the idea But I think it's a fun idea. Well, they people sitting in seats with, you know, they put up all across the country. San Antonio has some guy doing this shit, Houston Dallas.

Every city has this guy doing this shit. But at the same time, I think there is something to, because I've done weekends where they're like, hey, can you come in at noon and talk to the crew? And then like, when I'm in certain places and I'm like, okay, there's one club they get to perform at. They get to get to perform at they get to speak Like they don't get to speak to a lot of comedians other than each other like that's like that and their worlds are so small It's tight. I don't mind going in there and being like look you guys need to like you need to move that way in this way Like instead of just like doing the same fucking

And like R.E. seven years R..E. did one that they posted on YouTube and Ralphie Mae did one that they posted on. Ralphie Mae did a brilliant one. Listen, they're in wrong with like a seminar. To me, the idea of a class, but if you're getting the guy, I wrote, I wrote,

I'm super sorry, you can learn from a comic sitting in a classroom. Yeah, we're three weeks in and it's Wednesday and you're showing up and it's like to me, there's just something funny. I think a seminar is great. Somebody wants to sit there for two hours and tell you to deal phenomenal. Yeah, listen to like a current headline or tell you how to do comedy.

I think it's a lot more important than somebody was it day job and who's like, uh, Jeff Lawrence has given me this position, uh, you know, because I helped him escape from a cartel. You don't want to be like chapter two, sound cues. Yeah, Ken, he's fine. Let me read this on the right hand here, because you know, we, you know, I, let me tell you, a lot of people are, you know, a lot of people don't go out to restaurants. I think that's just ruining the country, but let me now,

let me now give them a hearing. Here's the thing, you know, I make jokes about the way I put in my act and I, and I, I say all kinds of things about it, but what I really mean to say is that, that they deliver farm fresh ingredients and step-by-step recipes to your door. Blue Apron's mission is to make incredible,

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free at blueapred.com slash dude. That's blueapred.com slash dude. Do you, do you, do you get your first three meals free? Blue apron's a better way to cook. I know cooking's intimidating. A lot of people, for whatever reason, they want to get healthier, they want to eat, you know, better portions. That's one of the things I like about blue apron is it's portion control. You can do it with your friends,

your family, you get involved. You start treating yourself better, getting healthier. That's a big thing. A lot of people go out to eat and you really don't have any control about what's going in the food. You don't know what's going in the food. Restaurant food tastes good, but it's notoriously unhealthy. The portions are huge. They want you to take food home. They want you to have take out in your refrigerator with their name on a bag.

Mentally, you know, you're downloading. These are all the tricks that restaurants use. So it's very hard to get in shape when you're going out to eat or you're eating on the go. You're eating meal bars and protein shakes and all that crap. It's much better to have blue apron food delivered to your door so that you can cook it with your friends and you can see what's going in your food.

Get your kids involved, teach them, have them have healthy attitudes about food while they're young because you don't want them to be my age and like still figuring out like, wait a minute, what's good, what's bad. So reality of the situation is this, check out this week's menu, first three meals free, uh, blue apron, that comes with dude, D-U-D-E. Listen, what are you gonna do? It's a better way to cook folks, blue apron. That's what I say. That's what I say. Now, you know, I think that's what it is, folks, you know, and I've been very, um, you, and I've been very vocal about what I think

about people at Cook. I think Cookings and Odd Fettish and people should stop inflicting it on people. But, you know, hey, stay home. That's what New York City is about now. Buy a place, stay home, don't go out, there's no why, it's all done, snow live, it's not cool, it's all over. Buy, get a pod, stay in your pod, wash Netflix, eat whatever they deliver to you, and die.

That is New York. I mean, you know, I mean, the public spaces are, you know. God, that sounds so great. I mean, that's what it is. I can't wait, you know. Well, you're doing it, you're doing it now, you know. Listen, this is what New York City's become. New York used to mean something.

It means nothing now. It really does. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. This is not true. This is not true. This is completely bullshit.

Absolutely is true. It's completely in every way. I mean, New York City used to mean tough street smart people that were cultured and sophisticated. I think New York now is a haven for suburbanites that come from other places that bring a suburban culture to New York City. It's a corporate oligarchy of a lot of big companies that bring a lot of workers in. They displace people that made neighborhoods interesting and cool. And I think a lot of the cool things about New York are leaving.

And that's just the way it is. There's nothing you can really do about it other than 9.11 again. I'm not saying do that. Anyway, that's the show everybody. I was hard to do. I mean, you know what I mean? But I'm just saying, and I'm a little bit cynical

in the past, but Ricky, you would have to grant me the thing that like, you know, what it's meant to be a New Yorker has changed, you know? Kind of real estate in New York, some money laundering scheme for people all over the world. And it's like the average condo here's $2 million. The average apartment is four grand a month. That's a certain type of people that are going to live here.

Yeah. Yeah. So where do you think people should go? What do you think the... I don't know. I don't tell people what to do. I'm just saying this is what you're talking about. I'm just saying what it is.

I'm telling you what to do. I don't care where you go. Go to go to anywhere. I'm just saying there's a certain type of person who lives in New York City now. And there's a certain type of person that, you know, when you moved to New York City a while ago, you know, there was violence or other things, not everybody moved. And not everybody moves here. Everybody comes here and then it's great.

There's nothing wrong. I'm not saying that's necessarily bad, but you have a disney-fied city. You go through times and look at the shows on Broadway. It's like, oh, Come See Frozen 2, Come See. And it's kind of gross, and it's like, oh, that's gross. When I grew up, there were real shows like Rent, where they would just look at the audience and yell, AIDS, now.

AIDS, AIDS, you are the AIDS. And they throw AIDS blood. It was real, it was real theater. You know what I mean? I'm just saying, whatever it is, what it is, it doesn't matter, you know, it doesn't matter, nothing. I'm just saying LA's where it's at, that's where all the cool original artists are in Los Angeles. You think? No, I'm talking about it.

I just like it, it's warm. I was out there last week. You don't like it? You like it? No, really? No, that town gives me a lot of, it's like the last town in the United States that still revolves around the business. That's good.

I think it's the only town that revolves around it. No, not back in the day, but I mean, it's the last town left. Yeah. It's the last town left. Oh, that's based on a business. And it's just, gives me anxiety. I don't like it.

What if it wasn't based on the business? It'd be worse every place I go there like I'm working. Yeah, you're working the whole time. You're there. I feel like it's new your work is that New York Is that too? I mean everybody you can step away from it. I can step away from comedy or work or the rest Well, I think if you get in the entertainment business But New York just to sheer amount of hours you have to work to make a salary to live here is no joke You know, I mean New York is also a city about working. I don't see a lot of people loafing around and you how much you have to make to live in

LA. I don't know, you know, I mean, that's a good question. But I mean, they're both very expensive cities. Yeah. You know, you can't really loaf around too much unless your parents were successful. Yeah. You know, but so you hate it out there. Yeah, I really don't like it.

I really like it. I like it. I mean, every time I pretty much have there. Yeah, I really don't like it. Really. I like it. Every time I pretty much have a panic attack, it's in Los Angeles. Interesting. Some people really don't like it. They say about 74 grand to live comfortably in L.I. But you know, comfortably, that's a, who knows what that means. Yeah.

Yeah. This one about New York says 80 grand, but they're saying if you live in a $2,000 a month studio apartment in Manhattan Right, which one was that happening? I mean that's a shoe in the East Village, maybe Yeah, you like even you like live in a family's house in Chinatown Elderly, square foot for some elderly gypsy When I moved into New York City, I lived in a $500 month room on 45th between 8th and 9th Avenue,

two other comedians in... I went to that apartment once. Yeah, with Justin Dodge and Jeff Harris. Harris, they just got married. Yeah, let me tell you. And they just got married and it was, we had a shower in the kitchen. You got to see everything. We had a shower in the kitchen. Shower in the kitchen, steam heat, steam pipes.

If you blip bumped into a pipe, you were like, scalded. We lived on the fifth floor of a five-story walk, a beautiful roof, a very cool roof to hang out on though. But yeah, it was like, it was a way like you, you know, the building was built in 1911. There was very little done since that. And, you know, but that was a fun, I liked that apartment, even though it was really shitty and kind of like, I had no door to my room, just like a fucking... That's so funny.

It's crazy. A lot of comedians have lived in that appa, it's like a wayward. What's one of you talking about? The one that I lived in with like, Jesse Dodge, Jamf Hounds. Oh, I thought, I lived in this place that a lot of Matt Pavitch's uncle's house.

And it's like, I mean, the guy, it's an Astoria, and a lot of comics live there. The room is very small, and he's like walking around like, he looks like a fucking skeleton, like drapes are on him, he's fucking, like I'd try to bring a girl back there.

Yeah. And they'd be like, why is there a ghost walking around? Right. Like it was, everything smelled like cigarettes, it was fucking horrible, there was no floor, it was wood, so you'd be like stepping on nails to go to the bathroom. There's always like a house, like Joe List has stories

about the Everett house of comedy and Massachusetts and the outside of Boston like all those comics hang out There's always like a weird, you know, it's like an interesting. Uh, it's weird It's an interesting, but you know like like I say I don't get to down in New York I just like to I like to be a commuddin and complain Yeah, so that's fun. I like you know, that's what I like to do. It's fun It's fun to complain to what I like to do. It's fun. It's fun to complain. That's what I like to do.

If I'm not complaining, then what's the point? You're holding it in. You know? Very New York of you. Yeah, I think so. I just thought all these people, I just get up, so I'm like, I'm gonna be Queens. I like my little hukabar of Astoria.

That's what it is, just a hukabar, people vaping, just elderly people and babies. That's a story. Everybody in Brooklyn's 30 and white, the story of people you don't even know that race. You're like, I don't even know what that is. Yeah. And just an elderly person and a tiny little baby. You're like, how did these people even get to go to my roommates or foreign? I don't know where they're from. They're like music where

it's like, I like all the time. Yeah. And it's fine. I love it. They're like, they're both in flight school. I have no idea. They're like they're both in flight school I think I think I think I think maybe a great little nickname called infidel Yeah, I have no idea. Where would you if you left New York? Where would you go? Brucey? Oh shit. I actually I had a conversation about this with a Do you think you're gonna stand New York long-term because you're an interesting guy like I think you could you might I could see you happy in Oregon or something like that. I was talking about, I was with, uh, comic Casey Orora, when we were talking about where we would move if we stopped doing comedy. Yeah.

And my first thought for some reason was Richmond, Virginia. Okay. It's just like a fun little college town is very cheap to live there and I just know people that live there. What about you, Grammy? I think I'll move to Portland, Maine. Have you ever been there? You look like you should be there.

Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah. Well, as your life? You look like you should be. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Well, as your life are, you're not going anywhere. Um, no, if I made enough money, I'd be out. Where? Westchester? Um, no, I probably go somewhere hot. I really like San Diego. It's great.

I love San Diego. It's just like so out of the fucking world. I like to be somewhere where I can be back in New York in like two hours if I need to be. Yeah, yeah. Sure. It's tough. It's tough. The fuck of retound, dude. I'm just gonna be somewhere where I can be back in New York in like two hours. Yeah, yeah sure. It's tough Returning dude I want one of those Arizona desert mansions with a pool shape like a guitar

Lights on the pool Eat and case it is all day. Where would you if you left New York would you go back to Texas, right? Yeah, I feel like San Marcos something like that. Yeah, I Don't know that all sounds really cool. I think I can pretty anywhere where people aren't like super trash You know what I mean like what's Niaq or whatever. Yeah, it's like a nice place But what who suggested West Nia I did in my head He knows where he should be. Yeah. He's like, I gotta be honest.

I have a West Knight egg by. I should be in the palisades mall in the Rockland County. Oggling 16-year-olds, you know, but the reality is, you know. We got two Wendy's. No, it's a crazy, it's a crazy fucking thing. I love it here though, but I don't know if I'm, I don't know if I'll make it forever. You wanna go to LA?

I think maybe, because I grew up here the entire time. Where about would you move there? I don't know. I've a friend of West Hollywood, I kinda like that. I've a friend of Eagle Rock who's got a beautiful house. With Hollywood loud. With Hollywood loud.

He's out the way. He's very out the way. I mean, this is my favorite thing is Hancock Park, but it's, you know, we're not in the house. Yeah, but then my wife lived there when we met. Beautiful, quiet, stunning, but at the same time. Stunning. A town away is the fucking hood,

and you have to put bars on your windows. I'm not moving to a nice neighborhood. You do not have to park. If you get close enough to certain parts in Hancock Park, there's bars on windows there. I know, but you don't want to be in those parts. Those are not the parts. When you see the bars on the windows, you got, there's bars on the windows. You want to be on

large-mont. I want to, no, I want to be in Hancock Park with a $78 million mansions, you know, where there's no bars. But I understand, you know, there's bars on the windows in a lot of L.I. in West Hollywood. Yeah. Like at the park in West Hollywood. And I don't like that shit at all. I know. It is weird. They try to make it look like part of the decor of the house. Have like cashmokers. Yeah. It's like bars. Nice bars. It is kind of weird. It is kind of they try to make it look like part of the decor of the house. Have like, it's kind of weird. It is kind of weird. I don't know. It's, you know, I don't know.

We'll have to see what happens. Yeah, I'm just going to go in with it. We'll see what happens. I mean, you know, I mean, at the end of the day, it's like, you know, studio city school. Yeah, my buddy just bought there. He got a big nice house in a lot of land. Burbank. Yeah. Yeah. My wife's brother's there. He got a big nice house and a lot of land. Burbank. Yeah. Yeah. My wife's brothers there. He has a horse.

You can have a horse in Burbank. Yeah. Why did he get a horse? He's in a way. He's a vet. Oh, interesting. Yeah. He's a vet. He has goats, chickens. He's got a farm. It dude. It why does he why do you have to get animals to be a vet? I mean, he's you're just Burbank is a town you're allowed to like ride horses around. So that's like riding horses on his days off. That's awesome. Yeah. What's going on that everybody's excited about going forward career wise. I was everybody. I am at laugh it up in Pekipsey for one night. Who are you there with? Rosebud Baker, Fini and Canon. Okay. I'll be good show. Yeah, a lot of fun.

Who headlines that? I think Canon is, because you got the gig. Okay, okay. You guys are like a crew. We're a crew. You, Fini, Rosebud, and Canon. Yeah, I like that. I appreciate it, crew.

What about you? What's going on with you? You got your kid now. It's like, do you feel differently about this whole business? Does it reprioritize things where you're like, who gives a fuck? You're like, I have a son, I've made life. I don't know, man, it's weird.

I tested for a TV show last week. So I had to leave town and go do that, but everything's very business now where it's like, if I'm going to do this, it's making sense. I'm not doing this for fun. I am doing this for this. And yeah, man, I just like, I mean, same shit, doing a bunch of road work and preparing an hour right now.

Yeah, so. Yeah. I don't know. You're gonna be happy in it. I like it better than a lot of the jobs I had. So of course. Yeah, now you, now you have a son man, that's a whole different situation.

Like you said, you got to, you're, you're, you're making money for him, you know? Yeah, it's different you have a son man. It's a whole different situation like you said you got a you're you're making money for him You know, yeah, it's different. It's definitely different Yeah, it's definitely more rewarding. I felt like after my mom died I did a lot of stand-up for her and when I found that I was having a kid again It was nice to get some purpose again. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, which is I think even helped my stand-up Yeah, yeah, well for a while I was just I think even helped my stand up. Yeah.

Yeah. For a while, I was just violently stoned up there. Right. And so it's just kind of recalibrated you. Yeah. In a good way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's important.

It's interesting. Somebody broke it down to me like this. I was living, I was living before mom after mom. Like that's how I broke down time. And now I'm living from mom passed to when Leo was born Right, so that's a cool place to be that's a great place to be telling you everything's gonna get every every year Things look at better and different and I think when you have a kid and I think that's why it's important to kind of have a kid because like You you need to almost experience everything that human being can experience if possible. And this is something that a human being experienced, you know?

Yeah, I agree with that completely, but the other thing is like, and I don't mean to like come down on anybody or any comics, but like I look at a lot of comics. So they don't care about their kids. A lot of comics don't give a shit. That, they don't give a shit. That and the other thing is like,

there's a lot of comics that are still single well into their 50s. Yeah, yeah. And the way thing is, there's a lot of comics that are still single, well into their 50s. And the way they talk about it and the way it's like, oh, you're acting like this was a choice, but I could see it in the way you speak about it. Right, right, right, right, right, right. What do you think that sounds like? Right there, Alan. Jesus.

I've heard that I made a birth something. Right, right. But what do you think that is then? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. right like sign fell to single till till he was forty did he do the wrong thing no i mean he did his own thing and i think everybody does their own thing but at the same time like i don't

i was a bunch of comics that are forty fifty years old that i don't think they're gonna turn into sign fell that i don't know that yeah but i i don't know that those people might have been single had they not done comedy like they probably would have been single either way. I think it's easy to blame comedy for something. I agree. There's a lot of people that are single

and work for FedEx. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You know? And then there's people that are happy singing. I don't know. Well, yeah, maybe there's also those people that are like, I'm not gonna get into it.

I don't want to have a kid or ruin comedy. And it's like, and then you wake up, you're 55 and you're like, oh fuck. Yeah, I always looked at it. And I actually changed gonna get into it. I don't wanna have a kid or ruin comedy. And it's like, and then you wake up, you're 55 and you're like, oh fuck. Yeah, I always looked at it, and I actually changed my thinking on it because I always used to think like, oh, you know, where are all these people doing in comedy that don't make it, you know, which is,

and I still think that. I still look a lot of people and I'm like, well, what are you doing? But I think that a lot of people, whatever this is for them is intensely personal, you know? Like, for me, I wanted to make it a career, but a lot of other people are just like, you know, this is something else for them is intensely personal. For me, I wanted to make it a career, but a lot of other people are just like, this is something else for them.

And you notice that. And you're like, oh, I don't even know. It's a religion, it's therapy, whatever it is. And it's like, in my value system, I didn't want it to be that, but it's like, you look at it and you're like, well, it's not my business, whatever they're gonna do. And I don't mean make it, we have to have whatever, but like, there are people that are like 20 years in, and they're open mics,

and they're like, happy. And like, it blows my fucking mind. Blows my mind. That's crazy. But I also think a lot of people do comedy just for the scene. Sure. For like, that's a fine thing.

That's a fine thing. And the excuse to be drinking on the gossip and away and saying, yeah, accept to it, and being able to have a group of people to talk shit and stuff. It have a group of people to talk shit and stuff. It's a way to not grow up. Yeah.

It's a way to not grow up. And I think it's a Peter Pan syndrome to an extent where you're like, oh, I could just have fun forever. But, you know, I think that, um, yeah, but that ends very abruptly. When I'm on the road now, man, I meet these guys on the road,

these older guys you're talking about, these road dogs, and it's rough. Oh, yeah. Dude, I, I meet these guys on the road, these older guys you're talking about, these road dogs, and it's rough. Oh yeah. Dude, it fucking gets uncomfortable some of the conversations I'm having with these fucking guys that are like 50, 60 years old, fucking talking to me about the business. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you should definitely get that tape together for JFL. Yeah, yeah. Ricky's that tape together for JFL Ricky's sitting there. Ricky begins like an eight thousand dollar sweatshirt on Ricky's wearing this new garment. It's like doesn't even have a name. It's like a non-gender garment Your arm Don't drive me back to the condo Ricky's eating like a Moroccan hash cookie. From like, and Ricky's like, dude,

I don't even know what you're saying. I don't even understand you. It's wild man, it's a wild. But no, like you see how people use it, use it in a different way of business, which is wild. Well, people are crazy. I did a thing where the feature was like a college guy, and there's another role in this,

you know the college comic. Oh yeah, yeah. And it's not the role, God bless you. But he was thing where the feature was like a college guy. And there's another role in this, you know, the college comic. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it's not the wrong, God bless you. But he was like, he was one of those guys who was like lived in Pittsburgh and then he tells me, you don't have to live in New York or LA to be successful. And I'm like, all right, I don't leave me alone. Like automatically, I'm like, I don't even want to go.

Here with you, maybe you don't, I don't care. You know what I mean? And I'm like, what comics do you like? And he's like, he's like, and I'm like, starting to name a comics in Patrice. And he's like, I don't like those guys. I'm like, I'm meeting him. I'm like, I'm't care. You know what I mean? And I'm like what comics do you like and he's like he's like and I'm like starting Name and comics and Patrice and stuff. He's like I don't like those guys. I'm like I'm meeting him like I'm getting like And then he tells me he's like my my goal is to be a game show host. What comics did he like? Um, I think it was like he like for big which is cool. And then he like Ian bag

He was like I want to be a game. He like Dave cool. Yeah He's like I do a lot of gigs with Dave cool. Yeah, and I'm like, that's great You know, and he's like I want to be a game show this kid said the music I want my goals to be a game show host And I'm like okay, and then he and I'm like you realize that's a lot of gigs with Dave Kool-Yay, and I'm like, that's great. You know, and he's like, I wanna be a game show. This kid said to me, he's like, I want my goals to be a game show host. And I'm like, okay, and then, and I'm like, you realize that's a lot of celebrities got those gigs. It's kind of tough to get, and he's like, he's like, yeah, but he's like,

my college agent was telling me, like, you got a pitch your own game show. So he's like, I'm trying to think of a game show right now. So we sat in the green room, and he was like, you know, he's sitting there in his little notebook trying to think of a game show. To sell. And then he said to me, he's like, you know, he's sitting there and he's a little notebook trying to think of a game show. To sell, and then he said to me,

he's like, you know, game shows are shot in Atlanta. So I can, I live in Pittsburgh, I could work three weeks in Atlanta. That's how, that's when they shoot a game show. It's just like, come on, not even. And then you have the rest of the year to just do. I'm like, well, I'm sure that's not true, but I, I, you live in that world.

Yeah. Like, I used to be the guy that would argue with everybody. It's like, oh, you live in that world, because I'm living in a world of like, I want to X, Y, Z. And like, yeah, I think my world's more rational than his, but it is what it is. Like, you live in that world and God bless you and good luck. And whatever you want to do with the Pittsburgh, with the Game Show. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Cause it's like, at a certain, at a certain point, it's like, what am I gonna do? Two years later, you're gonna see him on fucking TV, be like, oh, watch, dog, kiss him. Yeah, right, right. I mean, and that's the thing, man, listen. If Corinne and Christina came to me and said, we wanna do a podcast, go guys, we fucked,

I go, don't do that, don't debase yourselves as women, geek, you don't have to do that. Talk about politics or something, or you don't have to talk about fucking, just because you're, well, that would have been a big mistake, you don't have to do that. Talk about politics or something, or you don't have to talk about fucking, just because you're, well, that would have been a big mistake, you know? Like, and again, it wouldn't have been like, I wouldn't have neged their idea.

I just, to me, I would have been like, because I'm not the audience for that show. So it's like, and I'm not the audience for this guy's game show that he's gonna fucking do. So I just step back now and I just go, oh, whatever people want to do. God bless him. Yeah now and I just go, oh whatever people want to, God bless him. Yeah, but I can't listen to shit for too long. I know, that's why I left the room, I was like,

all right, I just, it's your great room, Bobby. I call Bobby. That's the show. I call that guy talk, see how long he can talk for people to leave the room. I call Bobby and I'm like this fucking guy and Bobby's like, fuck this guy, you gotta kill him.

There's too many of those people. I'm like, I know. I was walking around the ball and Albany. I know, Bobby. I used to work in that mall. That's brutal. That doesn't have funny bones now. Yeah, you were from all, I didn't know.

I lived up there for a couple of years. Did you go to school up there? I lived up there the years. I should have been going to school. Okay. And I just kind of, you joined that cult. Yeah, I love it. I was the beginning.

You worked in that mall. You know the kid Malcolm, that's like a comedian, right? Yeah, I don't know. What's his deal? Malcolm, it got big through Kiltoni. That podcast. Got big. What do you mean big?

They do like, got big. He's playing the beacon. Yeah, he's huge. He was a game show. He's a sweet kid, but what do you mean he got big? I mean, he got like, everyone knows him because of Kiltoni in the LIC. Oh, okay.

Because Kiltoni does like, he's like a wicker. He's the white guy who like, he like wraps. Oh wait, we're talking about two different people. I'm talking about the kid Malcolm Sills on Instagram. Nope, who's like, y'all. Malcolm, a comic can be like. But you know the kid Malcolm on talking about,

he's like a nice kid. Do I know who you're talking about? What's his last name, do you know? Malcolm Sills, he's like, Instagram is like rapping and then he's like doing comedy, but he's like, no, it's a C-I-L-O-L-S. He's like, he's your friend, I think. Are we friends?

I think you're friends with this kid. The first picture that comes out. Yeah, this is like, what is he? He's like, literally my boyfriend. Oh, I know Malcolm, yeah. He's a sweet kid. Oh, yeah. He's like, you're friend.

We did an indie film together forever ago. Yeah, he's a sweet kid. Oh, yeah, it's like your friend. We did an indie film together forever ago. Yeah, he's gonna actor and he does like He's he's young. Yeah, he does not work the seller, but he took a class or any I forgot you knew Malcolm you sweet kid. He'll message me every now and then and I'll be like and this is the thing when younger people Message you you probably get this you kind of like you know at a certain point you're like yeah, man Just do whatever, you probably get this, you kind of like, you know, at a certain point, you're like, yeah, man, just do whatever, you know. He's just starting out. Yeah. Tom's so happy.

Well, I don't think he rap. I'm kidding around. Why is that like such a thing? Comics are on to. So often. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think he's rapping seriously, but a lot of people do it as like a joke.

He's like goofy character actor. Yeah. Like a lot of people do it as like a joke. What do you think about that, Rick? Do you, when people are like comic slash grapples? It looks like a yeah. I just, I mean, I love stand up. I love stand up so much so like, I hate roast battle.

Right. I think it's fucking terrible for the scene. I don't think it's good. I think we're bringing a bunch of people into the fucking, into the scene to that, only do that. Especially in LA, that shit is fucking gone. Yeah, I think there's a point, there's a point to that. I mean, it's yo mama, it's just different now.

Yeah. But I just, I don't know, I like stand up, I like watching stand up shows, I like watching people that do stand up. So like, a lot of this, like, a lot of these shows that have like gimmicks or I just like, not. So it takes a long time and you have to be very dedicated to wrap to be a good rapper.

Yes. So all these comics are like, yeah, I'm a rapper now, but it's all this like A, B, A, B. I didn't realize how many comics are wrapping. It's happening. It's happening. There's a lot of people wrapping and they need to stop. I need to stop.

I need to stop. There's too many people. It's not Malcolm, Malcolm is a sweet kid, but there's days too many people wrapping and they need to stop. I need to stop. I need to stop. There's too many people. It's not Malcolm. Malcolm is a sweet kid. But there's days too many people rapping. Yeah, and it's like, you're not. There's a place of magic in comedy it seems. Yeah, it's a weird, I don't know.

I just, I just, I grew rickety like, you know, I really appreciate when somebody gets up there and they're funny. And they're just always trying to find something new. Like, yeah, it's just, it's like striping for something new. Like how far can I spread comedy? I have no problem. I don't know. Just comedy is such a weird fucking place man. Yeah, I know. I watch somebody I'm not gonna say who or where but they got on stage and it was slam Show now this person would come after me too, so it's just annoying

But she's out on stage and she's going No, this person would come after me too, so it's just annoying. But she's out on stage and she's going, uh, Kavanaugh has a job and the fucking crowd just starts cheering. I was like, there was, there was, there was, that's easy. What the fuck are we doing here? Like, if, like, get on the campaign trail, if you get a fucking like this. I'm 100%.

I'm so tired. We're just making it. I'm so tired of these forced claps, dude. And it happens left and right and stand up now. It's fucking, the victim mentality and stand up is so fucking whack. It's like everybody is a victim. Everybody has had something happen to them. And it's like, yeah, that's life.

You're an adult. Shouldy things happen. Get over it and fucking make a joke out of it. Like you're about to say, like, make it funny. I just make it funny. No problem with political stuff. Yeah, just like a funny joke right now about how my dad used to beat the shit out of me and my brothers.

Right. And it's fucking murdering. And that's the best thing I could have done with that. That's the best thing I could have done with that. Yeah. Right. I did a show with a comic who just spent half of their set telling a five minute story about sitting next to some

Republican Senator on a plane. And that was the whole story. They're just like, isn't this person bad? And half the crowd was like, we don't know who that is. The Irish appeared to the script meeting the other day and I was sitting on stage. I was reading one of the roles and I was up there with a towel and soda

and Michelle Wolfe and people like that. And I'm like, we were being funny and I was trying to be funny because I'm like, I care what these people think of me. I care what David Tell thinks of me. I wanna be funny. And I'm like, are we the last generation of comics that gives a shit about what RL does? About what being funny is.

You know what I mean? Just the idea of let's be respected by people who are iconic or, you know, it's very least professional people that are looked at as, you know, David, tell it to me, he's like a guy who's, he's very, you know, like a living legend type of guy where you're like, this guy, you know, so you wanna be funny

in front of somebody like that, but I think you're a people, they're comics, not all of them, I don't wanna brand the whole group of you, but they're comments that are coming up now that could give a fuck less. They just wanna burn everything down. Yeah. And they're like, fuck the old guard, fuck anybody, they old suck, and they're all whatever

problematic and race it and all that, and fuck them all. And it's crazy to hear that, because to me, I'm like, I don't know, you know, I look at the people that are great, and you know, you wanted their respect. Yeah. I mean, wasn't it just like you saw the cool guys and you know, you wanted their respect. Yeah. I mean, wasn't it just like you saw the cool guys and you're like, how do I end up being one of those guys? Yeah. That's as simple as it was for me.

Like I was like, oh, I just saw, I remember the first time I saw a Greer Barnes. I remember the first time I saw it. I was like, what the fuck did this man just do to this room? Somebody else that did it in front of me was like Kyle grooms. That was one of the first guys I saw ripped down a room and I was like, oh, that's what I need to be room. Somebody else that did in front of me was like Kyle grooms. That was one of the first guys I saw. Ripped down a room and I was like, oh, that's what I need to be doing.

That's what I need to figure out. I need to be around these guys to be any good. And no, there's none of that anymore. You just gotta start a show that, you know, once your kids in fucking quarter of a show up too. Yeah. I think that's a percentage. I mean, I'm pretty new and I'm still

I'm like obsessed with portrays and Bobby and everyone. Like, yeah, well, we think that's a percentage. I mean, I'm pretty new and I'm still I'm like obsessed with portrays and Bobby and everyone like, yeah, well, we still look at the legends. That's not everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, there's the I would say what what the industry listens to and what the industry would take care of is new and creative, I guess what they're looking for. But in reality, it's just washing down and like watering like comedy. Like it's just, it's not, it's not doing anything for the shows. Yeah. It's really incredible to see how many people like pump themselves up on the internet. And then when you go to see their show, you're like, that's, that's,

this week, those, those, those people, like I know, a good amount of those people that like like do stand up and seem to hate the idea of stand up And it's great like those people don't want to do stand up They want to be a famous person right and they're they like okay, well I can try to get in through the back door through doing stand up But they don't like it and they don't know it and it's it's it's annoying It's cynical. It's a cynical and a lot of these people That go out there and just attack all day. They attack, they're on Twitter, they attack, and you know, you gotta look at these people and go,

how many times have I seen them do something funny? How many times have they made me laugh? How many times have they actually done something unique and original? How many times have they told a story about something I didn't hear before or in a way I didn't hear it before? How many sketches have I seen that they've written or directed? How many funny jokes have they posted that I've related to? How many web series? How many podcasts? How many

anything? How many fucking conversation have they been funny and in a green room? Legitimate, you know what I mean? I've had a conversation where we give you less. In green rooms that are funnier than people's acts that are getting, you know what I mean? So it had a conversation where we give you less in green rooms that are funnier than people's acts Mm-hmm dead are getting you know what I mean. So it's like to me. It's like I always look at like who's flick? Are you being funny anywhere? I'm also here, but yeah, can we? It's very funny. I like Brandon too With a best boy I know I know the conversation he's talking about and it was about Alan fuck But it's like it's it's um, you know, it's just be funny man. That's all be funny. We're gonna wrap it up I think just be funny as the it's exhausting to be anything else That's the other people that are on Facebook all the time or Twitter all the time

I'm like how do you any time I have any time to just relax? I'm just fucking I'm jerking off I'm playing video games. I'm not on I was Facebook yeah for the festival I host in New York's funniest because I There was a girl on the show that she's had her fair share of like internet bullshit with comedians and attacking and she's been attacked and whatever. And it was so funny because she started telling me about how they picked the winner of the show. I was like, oh, it's a point system that she's like, no, it's not.

It's like this. And I was like, oh, it's a point system. That she's like, no, it's not. It's like this. And I was like, oh, okay, you just know everything. That's right. You got this, never mind. What I even try to even put my two cents on something I know. Yeah, and people are so focused on the winning and the getting of the this. It's like the journey and the funny and figuring out

how to be funny is like really the whole thing. Yeah. You know, because once you do something good and it comes out, whether it's special or whatever, you take a breath and then you have to go right back to creating again. So if you're really not in love with that process of creating, you're just gonna, it's over. If you don't fall in love with it and sometimes listen, people can fall out of love with it, but you got to fall back in love of creating because you can market yourself to death. But the reality is that's not the fun and joy.

When this kid features me, he goes, I like to business accommodate more than comedy. As soon as somebody says that to me, fuck you. You're done. You should be an agent then. You know what I mean? And be a fucking agent in Pittsburgh. Tell me how that works out.

Go represent a minor. I see a minor. No, no, no, no. Like that whole thing to me is like, no, no, no, man, I got in this because I love making people laugh. And the business of it is a necessary part of it. But if you like that more than fucking comedy, mean you will never have anything to talk about. Yeah. Because then you're not funny and who the fuck wants to spend time with that, you know?

I bet Ricky's uncle, his purple uncle is funny other than you. All right, guys, let's enjoy your Thanksgiving or whatever. And Bobby will be back. Thanks for having me. I thought part of a Tim Dylan seminar when you go see him and this is my seminar. You just have That's a funny class. Thanks giving New York City socks and a good game show. And a good seminar. And a good five minutes on comedy. Alright, goodbye everybody. Bye everybody Listening to the YKWD podcast Thanks for listening

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