Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Fatty, Spitty and the Gimp

Episode Date: March 12, 2018

Mark Normand, Lenny Marcus and Liz Furiatie join Bobby to go over Academy Award diversity, Lenny’s Winter Olympic trip and a former Riotcast personality’s recent altercations! Duuude! Learn more a...bout your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. The most celebrated name in live comedy is finally coming to Las Vegas. The comedy seller is opening this April at the Rio Hotel in Casino. Since 1982, the comedy seller has been home to the premier names in comedy. And now, on April 5th, the comedy Cellar is bringing that tradition to the world famous Rio Hotel and Casino. The Comedy Cellar at the Rio combines the reputation of New York comedy with the glamour of Sin City.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Come see the best comedians in the world perform at the Comedy Cellar. Now, at the Rio, tickets available at Comedyseller.com and yapping. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Way both sides of a coin. That's how it all holds the odds. You love the part of it.
Starting point is 00:01:16 I don't want to do anything. My podcast is popular. I might affect some of these lines. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what two podcasts on flightcast.com. You never know Hey, what's shaking dude, I'm overweight. I'm shitting or have a son and I live upstate Care is going okay. How we doing? It's yk wd at the comedy seller right cast we're here with uh... lennie mark is we got a hot show don't tell you look
Starting point is 00:01:52 terrible i think that's about it and the usual juz and i got a room full of people i've never seen before unemployed nerds we like to come uh... now what are you guys just fans? Alright, well, thanks for coming out. You look like a win-to-adition for you know LLBnad And how you guys doing behind me? He looks pissed cool
Starting point is 00:02:18 So yeah, well what do you got a Robert Kelly's got the runs? He's hitting in the bathroom, which is the only time he's ran. Hey, hey. And, yeah, so we're gonna do this Lenny. What happened to Dante? I don't know. I didn't know he bailed until a minute ago. Wow, he must have killed someone.
Starting point is 00:02:37 It's too bad I said Dante can talk, so that would kill an hour and a half. Sorry. I have to leave it in like 20 minutes for a conference call and I'll come back. Bob is sitting. Come back. Great show. Yeah. One guest bailed.
Starting point is 00:02:50 One guest, one of the closest sitting. Can I run this by you guys and tell me what you think of this? Because this happened to be last night and it's throwing me off. I got an Uber and the guy goes, hey man, I hate to do it. But can I add like $8 to your ride after you leave? Uber and the guy goes, hey man, I hate to do it, but Can I add like eight dollars to your ride after you leave? I got gas is killing me. I was like what? Well, I was like wait, what do you mean? I was so confused and he's like what well, you know They're killing us on gas and he starts talking about how bad Uber is and how they treat their employees horribly And he's like I was like, what yeah, but that's like if I wouldn't bought a pack of gum and they're like
Starting point is 00:03:24 Can you just give me eight dollars because I got gas like that's the reason I was like, what, yeah, but that's like if I went and bought a pack of gum and they were like, can you just give me eight dollars? Cause I got gas. Like, that's the reason I'm taking Uber. It's cause it's cheaper. If you're taking a cab and like, we got into it. I mean, this guy, he was like, he don't get it. I was like, you don't get it. This is a business.
Starting point is 00:03:36 This is horrible business. And I'm like, also your rating is gonna go to shit. Cause you suck. Did you, did you rate him? No. You didn't rate him? Not yet. Did you complain to Uber rate him? No. You didn't rate him? Not yet, what happened? Did you complain to Uber?
Starting point is 00:03:47 No, no, I'm complaining now. You're not gonna write, you're not gonna write a little email to the Uber. No, I don't want to get the guy in trouble, but it was just, You'll just say it on the fuck. Yeah, what's his name? I think it was Judy Gold.
Starting point is 00:04:01 No. No. It's not five star complain, I'll tell you that. Yeah, it is. How great, Bobby's calling from the bathroom. No. No. No five star complaint. I'll tell you that. Yes. How great. Bobby's calling from the bathroom. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:04:10 Hi Bobby. Toilet paper. There's no toilet paper. Ah. Yes. Hold on. We're going to get that right. Of course, Gabby has the spring
Starting point is 00:04:19 interaction for that too. Right, it comes in all their nose. Wow. Gab, that's all you. This is how Harvey did it I'm totally Coming in oh man, should we send Mike in? Send it Mike, he's seen he's seen himself naked
Starting point is 00:04:37 Mike said Mike I mean, what are you gonna do not get toilet get toilet paper Man, this is the best prank I've ever pulled What you do give them the laxatives I got the lax it took all the toilet paper. Oh Don't even try the bodega. I took them while I bought them all I Used to steal toilet paper for the first 12 years of my life from every bar really well I'm not surprised well
Starting point is 00:05:02 Yeah, you know if you live with a bunch of guys no one buys to appears who just I just pocket it or put in my bag at a bar so paranoid that we're gonna run out I constantly buy toilet paper we have a lot of toilet paper unbelievable everyone's looking for can someone just go downstairs and get a roll of toilet paper poor Mike that's a lot of stairs what I found some I found some teeth Thank God Alright Why don't you come back by Watch your hands He found some
Starting point is 00:05:28 Bobby comes back he's got no socks on I think he's using a beach towel Oh God Well alright Bobby got toilet paper Uber stinks go with lift folks And praise Allah They love to do that What's that? Are they allowed to do that? They just go I'm gonna know No, that's why he asked he kept me like I could lose my job for this
Starting point is 00:05:51 But I'm gonna tell you because I feel a connection and all this shit. I was like I hate yeah, you're the worst Yeah, I did a power move. I was like, I take the money if you need it, but you got to realize this is a horrific situation you're putting me in. And he was like, I'm saying, like, keep the money, take it, but I'm gonna shit on you a little bit. You know, I'm saying I can afford to have you, you know, take some heat here. How long into the ride did he ask you that? Six seconds. I mean, he did like a Trump, and I was like, yeah, yeah, and he's like, let me level with you.
Starting point is 00:06:33 Yeah, it was brutal. I'm like, go to Brooklyn, gas is cheaper in Brooklyn. I didn't know that, that's good to know. Oh my God. All right, you can do it. Whoa! Wow, what is that, my moons? That's good to know Moons that's Bob Kelly working out protein We'll push it right out of you all right welcome to shit with stories
Starting point is 00:07:03 What's up everybody thanks for taking off wow I was sweating in there But the toilet paper was behind me who puts the toilet paper behind the toilet Turn around I couldn't find any No, but I was about to wipe my ass the old the fucking Arab style left hand scoop it. Oh Dude I went to Africa as a kid and You can only shake a guinea why not even new guinea and And you can only shake a guinea. Not even new guinea. And the shaker raised right hand. The left hand is stained from the shit wiping.
Starting point is 00:07:30 It's a different color. Yeah, that's why they eat with the right hand. Right. And they wipe with the left. When I was in Iraq, they tried to teach him how to use toilet paper. Because a lot of them worked on the bases in Iraq. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:43 And they would take the bottles of water and just they have these big buckets of water for hydration. They would just take them and squeeze it up their assholes and then leave the bottles in the fucking toilet. Whoa! They take the bottle out of the toilet. Like a like a bidet, like a makeshift bidet. Well I think about it, paper is a weird thing.
Starting point is 00:07:58 We're using dry paper to clean our shitty assholes. Every other orifice we use soap and water. Sure. Our armpits are fucking dick wads. Out of sight out of anal. Yeah, and we sit there with dried paper and spread peanut butter. Right. Imagine that was on your arm. Apparently you'd be kicked out of a party. Yeah, right now, even though I clean real good,
Starting point is 00:08:18 there's still a little poople down there. Do you ever put a little water on the paper? No, I didn't do that. On the same wipe. What about the wet ones? You can't use those because you can't flush them. No, the flushable ones, yeah, you can. They got flushables.
Starting point is 00:08:29 Really, really, yeah. I think that's a bit of a bad for old pipes. No way. It's a new world, Bob. It's bad for old pipes. Thank you, Michael. Thank you for your facts. Motion Mike whips in with a fact.
Starting point is 00:08:38 I would agree to, but how is they any worse than actual toilet paper? They still clog up old pipes, I think. Thank you, Mike. Thank you for coming in with facts, Mike. I don't think that's a fact. I think that's saying that I'm not saying a baby wipe. I'm saying like a flushable wipe. Mike, you know what Mike has in front of him? A fucking magic machine. Magic machine. Make it work regularly.
Starting point is 00:08:54 Type it. It brings something up faster than you can fuck it. How can people out of yourself? I hear my head phone sound like garbage. Why do I sound like shit? Oh, I thought it was just me. I thought it was me. The whole thing sounds like shit. It's weird. Exactly. It's because Mark was screaming at the beginning. No, it sounds like shit going through everything.
Starting point is 00:09:11 Like to start with a bang. That doesn't matter. It's something sounds like shit. Okay, whatever. That's good. My whole fucking thing's falling apart up here. It sounds garbagey, right? It just, it sounds hollow. Like it's a hollow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Hollow. Mahalo. Mahalo. Did I tell you I look like the guy who married me and my wife? It just it sounds hollow like a hollow hollow hollow I tell you I look like the guy who married me and my wife Maui, I swear to God, you put a conch on my hand. I was the same guy Except he was dressed less Hawaiian than me my wife dressed me in a Hawaiian gear It's gonna $5,000 dress. I got a fucking shirt. Tell me Bahama Not you fixing this are you doing something? No, you're not doing anything. Okay, that's it.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Listen, we have some ads up front. A blue apron ad, I love to read. And I would love it if you guys didn't say any bad words during it. Oh, all right. Who would hold my Lewis? Anything. That's funny, you said that.
Starting point is 00:09:57 That's the three hours in my shed, fucking red doing ads. Is that asshole fucking gave up on his career? Blue apron, you know what blue apron is, right? I love it. Yeah, yeah. Well, I have all the boxes, but I'm never used to it. I want blue apron here.
Starting point is 00:10:11 Fix that. You can have mine. No, I want them to deliver to the olive tree so we can make ourselves dinner. You want to get you a blue apron? Yes. Monday, Tuesday, it's, like, I don't know, it's tough. I'm gonna tell you how to do it right at the end
Starting point is 00:10:21 how you get the blue apron. Okay. But blue apron is a leading male service service delivery service in the United States of America Which is the best country on the planet? I mean, I mean right you as team USA. You're team USA. I am. Let's make it great again And while many people know what they do. They don't know what type of meals you eat when you cook with blue apron Like quick bucatini with broccoli and pecorino Oh, that sounds so good.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Peccarino's the best. Oh, I love the word Peccarino. Peccarino, I'm Peccarino Romagna. And Italian style, sausage, shrimp and sweet papas, dude. Dude, it's a papad, dude. With incredible ingredients, chef design recipes, Blue Apron lets you see the power of food. I mean, it's amazing. Alright, check this out, convenience. Blue Apr Apron delivers the fresh food right to your house.
Starting point is 00:11:07 Step by step instructions. 45 minutes. That's all it takes. The menu changes every week. Seasonal stuff is designed by Blue Apron in house. Colony of the house culinary team. There's a house which chefs in it. That's what the culinary means. Chefs. Yes. Cooking and chefs chefs great for a date flexibility I am very flexible for a chubby guy what I did at the gym last night. I don't even know what I dropped the keys First of all, I'm known as keys anymore. You fucking was it 85? I got two keys in my pocket. No, you're a loser. I Can squat down. I'll fucking show you right now. Look at this fucking look
Starting point is 00:11:47 I'm not even sitting but I'm fucking sitting on my fucking cool my fucking cool They're flexible like Bob Kelly Blue apron offers 12 new recipes each week and customers can pick two three four Restories based on what best fits their schedule. Isn't that crazy? That's awesome. And high quality. The stuff is good. It's not gabbage like a lean cuisine. The stuff you get in hotels. No. It made like seven years ago, froze it. Right. And then it's all watery. No, this is high quality non GMO. You know what GMO means?
Starting point is 00:12:19 No. You don't. Crannulated molecule or? No. No. Close. Oh, it's like you. Genetically modified organism? Something like that or a synonym of that. I'm a virgin.
Starting point is 00:12:30 Yeah, that's it. That's it. How about smart guys in the car? Oh, I'm right. Yes, or in the car. See you at the missing market. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you.
Starting point is 00:12:39 It might take him fucking 12 minutes to walk through a fucking salad bar line, but he's fast on that keyboard. And I got the GMO. All right, check it out. And meats with no added hormones, they're unbelievable. I eat them all the time. At least once a week, I have blue apron up. Should have not looked at that finger.
Starting point is 00:12:57 Ugh. Wet wipe. Wow. My soul wipe, anything? Tastes like blood. All right, blue apron. It's a miscarriage. It's treating you. You know what, dude, audience.
Starting point is 00:13:09 I love you guys. And this is why I love you. I get great sponsors. You know what, dude, listen, it's the 30 bucks off list. This is how you get your deal. This is what I want. 30 bucks off your first order. If you visit blueaprin.com slash dude, what is it?
Starting point is 00:13:21 Blueaprin.com slash dude. Dude! That's one you. Not dude. It's dude. Okay you, not dude, it's dude. Okay, so check out this week's menu. Get 30 bucks off at blue apron.com slash, dude, that's so they know I sent you, okay? Blue apron, a butter way to cook.
Starting point is 00:13:36 They're unbelievable. Make sure you check out, they got a bunch of stuff. This, they got pan fried chicken breasts with sweet tangy zucchini. I've actually had that. That sounds so good., it's so good. And this is fresh ingredients. They show up in a box, a really cool box
Starting point is 00:13:49 with all the stuff ready to go. Step by step, I did with a match. Everything's like pre-cortioned, is that how it works? Oh, it's great, yeah. If you're a single guy, you got a girl coming over, you could cook her a good meal and look like a rock star. Palmer, Palmer's on a crusty steak with mashed potatoes and broccoli Italian-style shrimp, sweet peppers,
Starting point is 00:14:04 and a friggin' holy all, Ssarda pasta. That's a good pasta. I'm not following up that. I'm not motobain. Quick broccoli with broccoli, pecorino cheese. These unbelievable stuff. Bluehip and dot com slash what, dude. There we go. So anyways, big, big week, Oscar week. Let! And he's back from the Olympics. Yes. Wow. Curling.
Starting point is 00:14:28 Curling. I love curling. And what else happened? A lot of stuff happened. School shooting. No, that was a couple weeks ago. Oh, damn. You found that.
Starting point is 00:14:39 What? You found out who Gabby was while I was away? We found out who Gabby was. We talked about that last week. Yeah, we talked Yeah, yeah, last year their parents came to my show. Yeah, oh, I love them I love them, you know judging by Gabby I think her parents would have fucking you know her father would have some type of like you know a bow tie and Mother would be some evening gown and fucking show with a fucking little shitty dog
Starting point is 00:15:03 Jersey trash. We're gonna show you that. Yeah, trash. Well, I think you'd delby Ed Bigley Jr. You know what that is? No. Keyboy player from Bond Jovey. Get out of town. I will not.
Starting point is 00:15:14 This is my town. Holy. Wow, is that him? Yeah, that's him. Oh my god, he's got a D-Snighter here. But he's had that computer for fucking 30 years. He's got the greatest hair in the business That's her stepmom. She's sexy. It's out there. Yeah, she walks up to me. I didn't think you'd be funny
Starting point is 00:15:32 I watched your I watched the ballin He's not that funny, but then she came up after thanks to telling me that too That's why you never know what people really think of you. No. You meet Jersey trash. They'll tell you what they think. They're human YouTube comment. No, they were great, great people.
Starting point is 00:15:53 They are. I fucking love you, Mark. It's good to be back. It's good to have you back. We got the bachelor here and yeah, Comic Con behind me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha these guys. Oh, you hear with these guys? To answer your next question, yes, everybody from San Antonio is a fat fuck. Yeah, there was a question, because I know that's a fact already. I've been there for four times. Me and Mike went to the salad bar there.
Starting point is 00:16:32 It was like cattle grazing. They literally had a fucking pound of everything off the with chili on top and then ranch dressing and they're just shoveling it in their faces. And you can see them getting blotchy as the blood sugar starts dropping oh, awful. Well, welcome, buddy. You want to take that scarf off. You're making everybody hot, okay? Yeah, I just done rapid a little bit, okay. Unless you get a fucking hangar from the ceiling. Listen, I Oscar welcome. Thank you. Oh, I ask her welcome. Thank you, Mr.
Starting point is 00:17:05 Yeah, this is name. Yeah, Oscar. Oscar, you do it. It's like, perfectly for that. It's like, mish is like traveling. Yeah, this is mish is fucking, uh, jazz quartet. Stuck double.
Starting point is 00:17:16 Stuck double. It goes nico. Oh my god. Is that what that is? They couldn't fly on a small plane. I'm going to have to stay back. I have to leave their luggage. It's too.
Starting point is 00:17:24 It's fucking nightmare of diabetes. I mean, I'm in it with you, at least I'm trying. I know Bush isn't trying. What was the last time you went to the gym? I don't know why, but I lost 18 pounds as part of the show. Yeah, because you had no money. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:38 Everybody, that's your first 15 in New York when you're first moved. Everybody loses 15 when you move them in Manhattan. Well, I have three more. Did you really good for you? Where? I don't know like my legs it looks like you lose weight and you because everybody loses weight in different parts Which it flips me out because your face is still massively huge Right, right? Big head all the time better. You have big cheeks. Yeah, you cheeks. Do you cheeks ever go down? Yeah? Once I go down to like two 15 to 10 the cheeks stop going down yeah
Starting point is 00:18:08 person's that a frog yeah yeah you do look like you got big by something yeah much alright you're adorable I'd love to bite those fucking little Mexican cheeks are you Mexican too yes all right well you know I pause nobody's fucking building a wall a Mexican in a scarf is rare. Yeah, that's right. That's where that little accent is now. And then look at the where one. Are you a comedian too? That's a no.
Starting point is 00:18:35 That's a hot no. That's it's him thinking about his waiter job. No, no. If you bring a big guitar on the subway, you'll clean up. All three of you guys, you're a fucking big guitar on the subway you'll clean up Yeah, don't play it you'll make more Did you fix it? Oh, you're just listening I fix it as best as I could for now. Oh, that's good. I'm glad I'm glad my show's working I'm glad whatever show comes in here when I'm not here Liz. Oh, fucks up the show. Good you control it. Uh,
Starting point is 00:19:03 Sprance Fuck's up the show. Good you control it. What's it? Sprants Fucking sprants call sprants the fucking CEO founder the AC on sprants. Did he really? Yep. Oh, you're gonna get into Whatever you fucking rip my ass. I'll open for that. I just happen to be a parent turns it off Whatever Joe list. Oh Joe list is calling. Let's see if he's coming in this Joe list coming that's your friend there Yeah, I think he's trying to help me out. Oh help you out what I love you are texting what now that's not him what? That's not him can somebody call Joe list for me please any who? So yeah Lenny you went to Lenny went to the Olympics wow how crazy is? That's fucking awesome. Is that a gig? With Lesley Jones. With Lesley Jones. Whoa. Her and Korea. They must have been terrified. Joe, you live on the fan club. You live what? Robert Kelly fan club. You live on the YKWD. Thank you
Starting point is 00:19:59 for being my number one fan, Joe. I really appreciate it. And starting the Fan Club. And do we get any new members? Not yet. We haven't had one since 1989. All right, thanks, Joe. Well, keep working at it. Maybe you should get chimp monkey. What's that fucking mailing list thing? Munchkin.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Mailchimp. It's called Black People Meet. She's a little laugh. That would finish with the read. Who's another sponsor because of you? Where are you Joe well that will serve in stroke what happened now that was you do you you you heard it so it wasn't
Starting point is 00:20:31 that will tell you that you have to go what uh... and i'm in a joke about will serve no that was uh... yet was that was uh... mark norm and your partner on Tuesday's with stories well that's actually why i'm calling okay well it was go ahead Yeah, listen I don't give a fuck We on the show we on the show fuck you in your heart out, all right? Now you know what now he's standing till five come on I have a hard-out at six. I have a hard- on for fucking dickheads like you and Mark all right so fuck you
Starting point is 00:21:08 And I'm ending the fan club and we gotta have it recorded cuz I gotta get to the movies with my wife What movies what are you gonna see black Panther? No, I would never see that What are you gonna say red sparrow not black Panther red? Oh, that's hot. Yeah, that should be good Bring a pillow for your heart on Heart on again Did too hard on jokes. You're right. I fucking fucked up the fuck you Yeah, goodbye. What a friend it's nice. That's a very good producer slack
Starting point is 00:21:42 What a friend. That's a nice one. That's a very good producer. Slash. I'm gonna hide out at fucking 330. I'm, I fucking, you're gonna go with God. We're gonna end this fucking show early. So anyways, you went to the Leslie Jones invited him to go with her to,
Starting point is 00:21:58 cause she need, they wanna her to go, cause Leslie's really into the Olympics. She did all this stuff on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and they were like, why don't you come because she's a big star. And she said, well, I don't know everything about everything about the Olympics. Why don't I bring this fucking nerd?
Starting point is 00:22:17 Yes. Who knows everything about everything? Who writes shit on paper. If you give him a date, he opens up a fucking day runner. Well, I don't know if you've heard but Lenny can fix your printer. Yes I do a lot of things He's back What
Starting point is 00:22:39 No, you call me it's me. It's Robert. It's me. You called my it's Robert. Oh fuck. I'm good. Alright, goodbye. He should just keep doing that. It's right. That's great. That's a funny bit. And it's all the new shit comics coming up. That's called taking a hit. I went with it even though it's.
Starting point is 00:23:01 Why would you say that? Anyway, so she needed somebody to, you just, why would you say that? Anyway, so she needed somebody to, you know, who knows? Bizarre combination of comedy and sports. Yeah, just to throw us some stuff here and there, because she had to talk about everything and do all this stuff, and she took, I mean,
Starting point is 00:23:19 of all people. Yeah. This fucking wide-hyped fucking Jewish boy. Come on. He's a good ambassador. Yeah. He's non-threatening. He's got glasses Yeah, I'm not gonna cause any trouble. Yeah, you're very you're very trans looking you look like you're You look like a transition He's been nine looking like he's no, you look great harmless
Starting point is 00:23:40 Yeah, many looks like a fucking a girl from maybe you know main Transitioned had a father the mother passed away, but the father raised her kind of you know boy is taught out of fish But she always wanted to be a boy and then she moved to New York and then and then slowly became a man Yeah, so say hi I don't know how But you know you confused Very confused confused. I'm very confused now. Well, anyway. What a backstory, though.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Yeah, not bad. I'm fucking backstory Kelly. You have better. That's a story Kelly. That's what they call me in fucking high school. I have fucking great backstories. Backstories Kelly. Chapter two, I ran out of toilet paper.
Starting point is 00:24:18 I had a glad I got that out though. Jesus Christ. We all are. I would have shattered my pants have shat in my pants. It made a tough. No. Anyway, it's a candle. Lovely.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Listen. Yeah. Yes, that story. So you fucking, you go out there. This is the funny part because he's, he's going to throw us some stuff. She's going to come up and stuff that, you know, so we all do that once in a while we have somebody help us out with stuff, punch stuff up, give her information. I've done it with Norton.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Went to the UFC when he before he he now he knows way more than me. Back then he didn't know who was who. We went to these big UFC events and he's like, who's that? I'm like, that's the champ. Who's that, that's the champ? Who's that, you know? So, anyone out there and I was set
Starting point is 00:24:58 of watching the videos, look, here, here, we're gonna go through it, but here's what bug me. You wanna tell you what bug me, now or in the middle? it, but here's what bug me. I'm gonna tell you what bug me now or in the middle now cuz I know it bug me Before I have to go Lenny the king of I hate social media. Yes, I became a You people told me to Everywhere look at this before I leave you people say he's Celebrity this is just a night
Starting point is 00:25:27 Wow Who's the blonde fuck the block who's the who's the hot one up on the right on the first photo to the right no the other one Yeah, the right with the brown hair that's trans. Oh my god. Johnny Gwere. Maybe that is a fuck call me Bobby queer because that That motherfucker with the blouse. Johnny Weir and Tara LePensky. Those hips. My God, what posture. He's something else.
Starting point is 00:25:51 Oh he is. Oh, man. Now look at your hips and his hips. Listen, to that bug juke, that you did go a little crazy. People tell me they want me to Instagram everything when I go. There's a hap, there's a media medium do you have your balance in your life? Bang
Starting point is 00:26:10 What a long girl I was like fucking and you want Instagram for another like two years Look at that 147 likes that's not even the high number It's crazy him it is for me. It's you all right first of all and those were bug me you really would bug me So I it's not on his Instagram. It's crazy. Him it is. For me, it's huge. First of all, and that is what bug me. You ready to bug me? So, it's not on his Instagram, it's on Leslie's. So she's, you know, commentating on this stuff. And you get, there was a couple of things she said that I knew Lenny probably threw her away, but you heard that little, that right there.
Starting point is 00:26:40 Listen, you don't help somebody punch up fucking jokes and then laugh on the fucking. She's funny because she'll take it and then make it her own and then she comes up with stuff, so it's funny. Yeah, but you can't, the laughing, you talk, I was just laughing, you would be not laughing. Maybe you can't laugh on the fucking camera. I hear you laughing, you're on the same.
Starting point is 00:27:00 She picks up everything, I don't know what you want me to do. I don't cover your mouth like a Japanese woman. Yeah, you're in Korea. Yeah. You don't find it to be endearing? What? The little giggle? His, I love his laugh, but not when he, I'm paying him to fucking punch it up. Oh, I see. You know what I mean? Yeah. Maybe like if I helped you punch up your special and then I sat there, you know, off the fucking thing and just laugh.
Starting point is 00:27:22 He he he. Right. It's almost like I wrote that one. Yeah, I see. Oh, thing and just laugh. He he he. Someone's like, I wrote that one. Yeah, I see. Oh, that was mine too. He he he. That's a good thing I was in the back row of your tonight show, huh? Oh.
Starting point is 00:27:33 I'm just saying, would you warm me up front laughing or are you gonna call me all the way in the back laughing? Just walk the room. Oh, those guys, Jack, Jack can be here for one sec. These guys are actually have the show that they're gonna be producing about comics. Just get on the mic for one second, Jack can be here for one sec. These guys are actually have the show that they're gonna be producing about comics. Just get on the mic for one sec, Jack. That's right there.
Starting point is 00:27:49 That's from the last time I did a talk. Yeah, I know, that's all right. That's cause he's fucking, how does a guy that tall and good looking, talented? I know. Emerson graduate. Woo! I mean, look at him, he's a fucking tall glass of water.
Starting point is 00:28:02 And on his passport it says fucking UK. Wow, you like Mike Feeney's older brother Yeah, definitely no He's a no-no-no-y newcomer. Nobody knows who Mike Feeney is listen to me. Listen now. You should listen to me look at you Unfuckin believable in your shy. Oh, it's adorable. God doesn't give you everything. God doesn't give you anything. Alright, get off fucking dumb, my city. Put a pain in the ass he was this weekend, by the way. Go ahead, what?
Starting point is 00:28:34 I met Mike Fini, I know. Alright, let's talk. Say Mike Fini again, I'm shot in the palm ending. I'm not doing YKWD again. Mike Fini. Alright, we're done. How, why are you shot shy yeah, I don't know he's not shy. He came in You I wish you were
Starting point is 00:28:55 Fucking just Drama mama. What's the project? Tell him a little bit. the project. You tell them. We're doing an episodic documentary series on stand-up comedians. Oh nice. Oh, you're a chef table. Yes. That's the idea is that with stand-ups.
Starting point is 00:29:13 I love it. Congrats. Our first subject is Robert Kelly. That's probably the test pilot. Well, Chef's table. That's a good one. That just hurt. The job is in wait. My laugh helped on that one, didn't it?
Starting point is 00:29:26 I love the giggle. That's why I'm paying here. Yeah, I just didn't write it. That's it. Hey, and you do see other guys here bringing you crew. I don't know where they went. They were right there on the dirt. I can see them.
Starting point is 00:29:36 Guys, come in one at a time. Who's this? This is Matt Kramer, one of our producers. Matt Kramer. Kramer. How you doing, buddy? Okay, who else brings somebody else here? I loved you sitting at the left, actor. Brian Rogers or DP?
Starting point is 00:29:47 DP double penetrish! And Dylan Bull are producer. And actually you guys don't know this, that they actually do an improv group on weekends over at UCB. Oh nice, I'm kidding. I'm bored. Alright, so you're doing this thing and you're a friend of mine for a long time. Yes. And you came up with this idea and you presented it to me. And now we're going to film this this little, what's it called?
Starting point is 00:30:10 A docu series? Docu series. Yeah. That's what we're calling her right now. Like half hours, half hour, maybe an hour, depending on the subject. With Bobby, it'll be 15 minutes will be done. Oh, my, my, my one, my one of the garbage guarantee. They'll get, they'll get like a big, like, shapel and then my will be with the garbage guarantee. They'll get like a big garlic
Starting point is 00:30:25 Sheppel right and then my will be in the garbage My will be like the one like when he like when he's retired. No, this is my first piece. I did Yeah, this oh, that's a comic. He's a friend of mine. He won't even say my name. Oh, it's a friend of mine He'll say he'll help me out. Listen mine doesn't air you clock sucker. I'll fucking burn it Look at me you three car you three mice. I'm gonna fuck All right, I'll shave your beards and you lose all your power Why can I ask why Bobby as a first? That was perfect perfect subject in my mind. There's no other better subject than Robert Kelly
Starting point is 00:30:57 We think about that. I think it's odd But now of course Bobby knows everybody's he's a wheelhouse not a wheel of Lynch pin in the comedy scene King pin Lynch pin burger king whatever you want to say Thank you I'm gonna shit again That lap oh no I swear to God. That la- Oh no. All right, someone else talk for a second. I gotta use fucking Tai Chi to get this back in my mouth. You should be filming us.
Starting point is 00:31:29 This is all gold, fellas. It is filming right now. Open with No Rock to my hip. Oh, it's a full of paper. What's that? Yeah, well, I figured it out. Listen, now let me ask you a question. Hey, what's up?
Starting point is 00:31:39 I don't think this is going to be a- What would just a quick one? I'm not letting you go in two seconds. Now, of course, you were be uh... producers on the section drugs uh... you you wrote a story that i was in b's core you you and your dad wrote that up uh... one of the the story arcs for me and uh... john ails on the show and your musician you you write music you have an album coming out i don't have an album i just have a couple tracks i recorded that i'm shopping around really Are they done? They're done. Yeah, can we hear them? No
Starting point is 00:32:08 Shai why? Is there a ready for the Shopping them that means they're ready no no go shop something that's not ready You're shopping them. Yeah, I'm a shop. Listen, I'll tell you right now. Let you know I got a I got a studio Oh apparently I should talk to Gabby because it sounds like her dad's got it I'll tell you right now, let you know, I got a studio. Apparently I should talk to Gabby because it sounds like her dad's got it. That's what I'm trying to hook up. Maybe we're a dad, listen to him, and then fucking your album goes platinum, double platinum.
Starting point is 00:32:33 Yeah, there you go. And him on keyboards in the back like flakas Eagles. And you playing drums? I'll play drums, there you go, and Gabby can stick backups. Nah. Why do you look older this week? Oh, you're not dressed like a moron. Okay, she usually comes in like she's Halloween.
Starting point is 00:32:51 She has a jumpsuit on with a fucking Jason mask. My jumpsuit's amazing. I got a show tonight over at fucking Halloween Horrors. Anyway, all right, well, thank you for coming in. Thanks for having us. Will you let me, can we play the music sometime? Sometime, yeah. Come on, how about I have it on you right now? I we play the music sometime? Sometime, yeah. You got it on. Come on.
Starting point is 00:33:05 How about I have it on you right now? I don't have it on me now. Stop it. You're lying. I don't have it. You have a smart phone. Demo tape. I don't have anything. Email it to us. I got nothing right now.
Starting point is 00:33:14 So what do we think of the projection? Maybe 2019, that airs the show? This show? Hopefully sooner than that. All right. We'll see. We'll see. And all right, so we'll do the show. bring we bring the music back on when it's ready When it's ready. I'll bring it on how one's gonna be right. I know I just stole it coolness
Starting point is 00:33:32 Makes me sick to my stomach when it's ready. I'll bring it on listen fucking behind the music I want to I don't believe just a little little piece. No, no, no. Come on, is it like tell me what type of music. Country, rock, hillbillies, indie, indie music? Indie Rock, electronic. Indie Rock, electronic. You like that? Is it keyboards? Is this keyboards, yeah?
Starting point is 00:33:54 No, but what is it like Dream Theater? That's amazing. Fucking love Dream Theater. You don't like that? No. Come on, the drummer and that's the best. All right, they're talented, but it's cheesy. So you don't like musicians like talented musicians. I like talented musicians, but I still got to like
Starting point is 00:34:09 the genre. The genre, all right, good word. Thank you. Good burp. All right, well, thank you for coming on. Thank you. The documentary comes out. We'll, we'll let everybody see it and we'll hear you. Next time we'll be here in a couple weeks, we'll be filming. A couple weeks are going to be filming. Yeah, two weeks. Yeah, two weeks. Is it is it two weeks yeah what's it called we don't have an ampere yet right now it's untitled yeah they don't have a name it will be a bit serious as soon as they get a more famous comedian I'm gonna be a hot name attached right right now it's called practiced right now it's called let's see what we fuck up and we can fix it it's called a guinea pig with Bobby Kelly
Starting point is 00:34:49 Always wanted to eat guinea pig. I know you do very big down in Guatemala. Oh, yeah I'm gonna shit. All right. Thanks. Come on grill him guys. Yeah, I'm grill. Yeah Give him a help Jack. What do you think about Gabby? She hot? Oh smart Smart play. Wow, that was play. That was very smart. That guy's a businessman. Oh oh God I tell you what why are you like selling me off on the show sometimes Hey, you gotta break that highman It's broken I'm gonna throw up I'm just pitching her white hymen be broken
Starting point is 00:35:16 I'm blood squirting like fucking hell raise it just squirting across the room some poor guy going Yeah That's how I lost my number, didn't it? Heavy flow. Heavy flow down in who under pair. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like a rock opera.
Starting point is 00:35:37 We got deepdiscount.com is a loyal sponsor in my show, hang in there, don't fucking skip for it. These guys are amazing. I bought a VCR because of these guys. One of the greatest things you can do for yourself right now, you can save on all your favorite movies, TV shows, and so much more. Go see for yourself.
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Starting point is 00:36:17 Guardians of the galaxy and I did it on demand and it was on FX and you had a fucking sit through commercials And he's trying to go to sleep and every time a commercial Come on you fucking to be disconnected Wow, there was a there was annoying no more commercials or bad edits stop wasting your time money Buy what you want watch you when you want all right? Listen this is the classic TV shows Gilligan's Island. Remember Gilligan's Island. Oh, yeah, it's our tour Remember when we were a kid, and not you, I know, you never watched it, huh?
Starting point is 00:36:48 When I was a kid, our shows were so simple and nice. You grew up on just garbage. I mean, violence. I watched Nickelodeon. There's a girl, the two girls sitting there watching old people trip on a curb, and they're laughing. Epic fail. Wow.
Starting point is 00:37:06 Not in Gilligan's Island or the Beverly Hillbillies. Very classic TV shows that kids can watch what people don't get hurt. And there's a little stumbling box, but they come through. Jethra will come through at the end, even though he's a dumb dumb. There's great war movies, installing 17, saving private, private Ryan. I just, let me say I'm a big war guy I'm a big Western guy this place is the great place to go if you want to find these type of movies find your favorites Just go to my homepage
Starting point is 00:37:33 Ryecast.com slash robbercali and click their logo this way. They know I sent you that's how you how they know how they know Oh, I'm from YKWD. I'm gonna go her anyways. I'm gonna check it out deepdiscount.com All right, Riscount.com. All right, ridecast.com, that's Robert Kelly. Just click on the logo. Deepdict, now they have new releases too, this week, disaster otter switch got snubbed at the Oscars. It was really good.
Starting point is 00:37:53 The acting's unbelievable. But he got snubbed. What the fuck is snubbed? Well, Franco squeezed a boob or something. He groped or harassed. But he's been doing that for a long time now. We all have. Yeah, check's ticket. Stay Frankl's beard is been doing that for a long time now. We all have. Yeah, check out the ticket.
Starting point is 00:38:07 Dave Frankl's beard is weird in it though. Do you know what I mean? Get you a copy with audio commentary and gag reel two for a great price at deepdiscount.com. Click the deepdiscount logo on my homepage, rikas.com slash Robert Kelly, and look for special icons, coupons, codes, all through March,
Starting point is 00:38:24 for even more savings buy your favorites Watch them when you want check it out now. Thank you deep discount Yeah anyways Lenny Marcus right here. I love you Lenny Love you too Bobby isn't it weird the Oscars that you know that movie got snubbed Ryan C. Crest was fucking people were fucking what's her name was fucking from from what's that move the TV show that she's on power or what's that power ranger what's that show I have an idea what's the famous show with the music of
Starting point is 00:39:02 the black show blackishish. No, no, Empire. Empire. It was the lead for an empire. What's your name? What's your name? Teraji. Teraji, one of my favorite actresses, I love her. I've loved her in everything.
Starting point is 00:39:15 She's so fucking good. She's kind of sneaky hot too. She's really hot. And I've met her in person. I've seen her in person. We did the FX upfront and we had to go to person. I've seen her in person. We did the FX up front So we had to go to an FX party and she was there At sub it wasn't FX party. It was one of those parties you go to after she was there. I mean in person
Starting point is 00:39:35 It almost mind them. You can't take your eyes off her. I think she's 47. She's unbelievable Wow, but she kind of fucked it Ryan too on the carpet. Oh, yeah, she didn't she went with him and kind of dealt with him And then the next person she was like how are you? I'm fine now that I'm with you Yeah, they this guy is going through but here's the problem. What did he do? I don't know I think he let's find out right now. He's, someone's making allegations against them. Mm-hmm. And of course, they make them on social media. Right.
Starting point is 00:40:09 And then, you know, to certain people, okay, it's fact, that's what happened. Did you ever hear anything about him? What do you mean? No, I've never, no. But, I mean, I think it was a long time ago, what he supposedly did, I think he grope long time ago what he supposedly did. I think he grope somebody, maybe a hairdresser or something.
Starting point is 00:40:28 Is he on in the mean artist? Is he on the morning with now, Kelly Rippa, and now she doesn't like him? I can't get, I don't know. She actually backed him. She at the Oscar. She came on and she was like, ah, my favorite, whatever she said.
Starting point is 00:40:40 She kind of supported him at the Oscars, but people didn't even want to go up to him. Like, well, I mean, look, here's a deal. If you are every guy there and every woman there had a hashtag me to button. And then you go up to, you go get interviewed by this guy who you're probably friendly with and you know, and then you find out he did some horrible shit.
Starting point is 00:40:58 Yeah. And you're sitting there going, hey, and you knew about it, they're coming after you. So I mean, I don't, I don't, but I did. These people are so spineless. It's just high school all over again. You know, three years ago, they're all blowing Harvey, you know, in the theater.
Starting point is 00:41:11 Hey Harvey will have a mail sheet hugging him and then like, oh, now it's me too. So I can't even go up to Ryan, Ryan C. Chris. Like, it's all just trendy, faggy shit. It's ridiculous. Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying not saying you know support a predator But I'm just saying like they were supporting Harvey to high five of them every speech. Thank you Harvey
Starting point is 00:41:29 We love you and now it's like times up, you know, we got to come after this we got to go after that It's just the winds blowing this way so now we're blowing everybody over here and the wind blows that way so then we're on this It's crazy. It's crazy, it is crazy but- It's so apparent, it's so obvious. It's the fact that somebody can say something on social media and then all of a sudden somebody's convicted, you know what I mean? Well yeah, and it's such like a witch hunt thing
Starting point is 00:41:56 when like you're, you don't wanna get called out so you have to just go with the flow, you know, you gotta, hey I'm part of the group, I'm part of the tribe, don't hurt me, I don't want to lose my shit either. Everybody's just scared. Everybody's petrified. Yeah. Everybody's petrified that, you know,
Starting point is 00:42:14 what if they did do something horrible? What if it is a Harvey Weinstein? What if it is Kevin Spacey really did fucking bank kids? Do we even know now? What did he do? I get, I mean, they say that he was fucking around 14 year old boys or something trying to yeah um you know and then I mean I don't know what do they say Ryan secrecy the Ryan C trick cresting is that he had a stylist back at e news in
Starting point is 00:42:38 2007 it's accusing him of being sexually aggressive during that time what is sexually aggressive what you're doing to me right now. Grinding his erect penis against her while clad only in his underwear, groping her vagina and at one point, slapping her buttock, so hard, and it left a welt still visible hours there. Oh, well that's pretty bad.
Starting point is 00:42:56 Yeah, but was that during sex? Right. No. Oh, was that in while he was getting his hair done? Sounds like when he got it. It's during her time being employed by him. So she's saying that it's going to work. It's like a mat lower situation on the wearer.
Starting point is 00:43:09 Okay, so but did she? So she's saying that he just walked up to her and did this. That while she was. I find that fucking hard to believe. Yeah, he's not that dumb. I find that hard to believe to just walk up to somebody and grind your dick on them. I mean, if you did that, you should be put away.
Starting point is 00:43:26 You're fucking crazy. If you walked up to a girl and grind your dick on her and grab her pussy, you should be fucking put away. You're crazy, but doesn't, look, if you walk up to her and talk and it's sexy and she's flirting and you're flirting and then you kind of, you know, moving a little close and then you fucking start to... Grind your dick on her and it's flirting and you're flirting and then you kind of, you know, move in a little close and then you fucking start to...
Starting point is 00:43:46 Grant, you dick on her and it's slapping me. Yeah, and she's kind of like, stop. And she's like, we can't do, oh, you know, what, if this, I've been in those situations where there's something there, you're flirting and how do you get, like again, how do you get to the next level? How do you, what are you supposed to do? Do you want to have sex with me now?
Starting point is 00:44:04 Right, At work? Anywhere. I'm just saying, it's so inappropriate if it's at work. Dude, the fuck you, the movie's, it's not inappropriate. At a fucking bank, it's inappropriate. At a subway, in front of customers, it might be inappropriate. On a movie set, or a TV show, it's 16 hours in, for fucking three and you fucking you're with each other all day every fucking day You find these little nooks and crannies to kind of you know fucking flirt and be weird. It happens Just looks I'm just saying if he walked up and just did that. No, it's crazy crazy if they had something going on I mean Gabby you're a girl. Yes, you've had guys that it's crazy crazy if they had something going on i mean gavry your girl
Starting point is 00:44:45 yes you've had guys have you been in that situation where i just walked up to grab you you should make it go miss let's go miss now um let's say that that's not what the fuck you said sell this tape to fucking somebody exactly it's hot no i mean at bars and stuff guys will always grab your ass i've gotten my ass grabbed on the subway on the street for sure Not in a makeup trailer, but but but in those off, but not a like perverts a one thing on the street of New York City I mean look. I've seen guys sure. I've seen guys jerk off to me. I thought I was sorry
Starting point is 00:45:19 Yeah, but you didn't fucking you know you did the three times Michael. Is this sound ever gonna get fixed? Okay, what'd you do I just farted right in your face. I watched the girl grab Joe Mackeys ass after his set at the VU the other night Just walk by grab his ass after he finished his set really and he was like well That was weird and that was it like he's not gonna report her or anything, but it happens all the time It does okay But have you ever had a guy walk up to you at work or something and just come up to and grab you The giant I've never had my vagina grab have you ever got you rub on you? Yeah, really?
Starting point is 00:45:57 Yeah, wow, yeah, yeah, you don't know those guys who just like rub up against your leg a little bit like it Shit happens. Okay. I want to know about this because I don't know where is this happening? At parties on the street and never at work. This never happened to me. I work with old people. You never know an old guy rub his mushy cock up. His flaccid fucking old balls. Oh, Vainy.
Starting point is 00:46:22 No, the Vains are dead. There's no blood in the balls. Just gray, not to no hair. The hair fall. Shriveled up. Having a blood pumped him in fucking 20 years. It looks like an old Asian guy's fucking pubes. Just dead.
Starting point is 00:46:39 Um, you never had, you never had anybody at work though, do it. Correct? No Have you ever been in a set because you've been on sets? No, no one on a set I've actually I've had like weird DP's hit on me before hit on you or grind their shit on you not grind You can't ride behind a camera, but what is it? What is hit on you? Have you been offended by getting hit on? No? No, but you know, it's sometimes a little weird like I had this one DP Really aggressively hit on me. You'm a sexy voice. Yeah, say it's a little DP. Oh my god. Yeah No after a shoot at the rap party like really like try to get me fucked up
Starting point is 00:47:16 But that's what we do at rap parties I can't fight a fuck everybody sure. I mean every rap party I've ever been to is the crew is trying to fuck the crew Same with the Christmas party. Yes. Yeah But I'm not I'm he's never robbed his dick on me It's just weird. I mean it's crazy what happens to women They get all kinds of shit and touched and groped and it's good that we're like, you know making it exposed But I think it's getting like the Oscars are turning into just like a big activist jerk fest He's like he used to be movies and now it's okay
Starting point is 00:47:45 We have to support the trends wheelchair, you know, uh, geez You don't know what is this you have to actually press that and actually select the track for it to be muted You're why am I can I hear my mic? Oh? Boy, I can't even fucking tell you what's going on. We could hear you. I can't even hear me in the fucking headphones. You want my headphones? Nope, I don't want any headphones. So I think that, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. This whole fucking audio, I do, you know,
Starting point is 00:48:13 I fucking do my show and then people come in here and fucking touch buttons and fucking, fuck things up and it's getting annoying to me. Oh yeah. It really is, it really is. I'm on the fucking verge of ending this whole fucking thing and just doing my own thing. Cock suckers. Um, what? I think that's what I'm doing.
Starting point is 00:48:35 I think that's what I'm doing by the way. Yeah, for corners. That's going great. What's that? I'm like podcasting. Oh, sorry. You got Kim Brunnenbeck? Yeah. Oh nice. Oh yeah. Why can't I see any of this shit? Why is this none of this going up in the And Lenny's podcast. Oh, sorry, you got Kim Brennan back. Yeah. Oh nice Why can't I see any of this shit? Why is this none of this? I Want it they usually pop up why are they not pop it up the settings for the actual audio track? This is fucking killing me Sorry guys
Starting point is 00:49:00 Deep discount doctor. Yeah, I know. It just feels like a jerk fest and everybody's gonna show how progressive they are all the time, but just be a good person. It just feels so funny. They've always had political causes like this. This is insane. I mean, this is a whole Oscars. Well, I mean, there's been a lot
Starting point is 00:49:16 exposed these days in this day and age now. I guess so, yeah. We're right in the middle of that too. We're in the middle of a comedy boom. You're in the middle of a- Middle. It's been fucking 15 years. Oh,'re right in the middle of that too. We're in the middle of a comedy boom your middle of a middle It's been fucking 15 years. All right in the middle of it. Well, how's it gets 30 year comedy boom? Could be That's crazy. Good me. I hope so. Las Vegas fucking colony. There you go
Starting point is 00:49:36 I'm the smacking. I'm gonna love it, but there's so many bad acts. I mean with the boom you get so much shit Well, that's every every time. Yeah, I know. It's just a bummer out. He'd almost rather a bad no boom with the boom, you get so much shit. Well, that's every time. Yeah, I know. It's just a bummer out. You'd almost rather a bad no-boom with the good people working. Or maybe somewhere in the middle? No, no, I think somewhere in the middle, because look, look at all the people who've had opportunities here at the salad.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Yeah, but it's also social media, it gives a lot of fucking mediocre acts. Oh, yeah. They really get out of their fucking brains about where they're at. They start saying, you know, fans, oh my fans, it relax with fans. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:50:07 You know, fucking Chris Rock has fans. You know, you have a couple dudes that follow you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Let's fucking chill the fuck out. It gives everybody this, you know, this sense of fame. Yeah, they're famous because they have fucking, you know, maybe 40 people, 100,
Starting point is 00:50:24 I don't care if it's 1,000 people, that's not a lot of people when it comes to fame, you know, because it translates into you getting a house. It translates to you not even getting a bonus. Right. You know what I mean? That's a Snapchat page. Well, guys who headline on Thursday call themselves
Starting point is 00:50:39 headliners. It's like, well, you're milling Friday and Saturday. Right. And then you go to fucking work at Denny's on Monday. I don't know what you're talking about. It doesn't make sense to me. And everybody's entitled, they want, why have I not got my big break?
Starting point is 00:50:53 Well, you're two years in. I'm getting these emails now from these younger. I'm still a new comic. I'm 12 years in, but I still get the, hey, I'm having a lot of comedy woes and I'm hitting a wall and can you help me? And I'm like, you're supposed to hit a wall. It's supposed to be hard you two years in You're supposed to be struggling and hate yourself and wonder if you made the right choice and should I move back to Wisconsin?
Starting point is 00:51:12 That's how it goes. It's hard for the first five six years It's it's hard and it should be terrible for not five or six years It's hard at all times and it gets hard again after it gets good and then gets hard again. Right, right. And these motherfuckers wanted easy the whole time. Mm-hmm. What was that?
Starting point is 00:51:33 What did you just do? Turned Mark down. Oh, sorry. Well, no, it wasn't you. It was fucking, they didn't do the sound check on each mic and they just fucking turn the mics on. That's what happened. Well, you know, also you got these YouTube stars who just come in and sell out eight nights at a club and so everybody goes, I'll just do that.
Starting point is 00:51:53 I don't even care anymore. I don't care. All the shit that's going on, even at the Oscars, I watched the Oscars. It was fucking, I mean, I mean, it's funny because even at the end of the Oscars, they were like, they had blacks and Spanish, and gays, and trans, and women, and it was crazy how the Oscars have changed in my lifetime in the last 10 years. And I'm told, that's all great. It still wasn't enough.
Starting point is 00:52:23 It's never enough. Because at the end of it, they're like, well, Gary Olman is a fucking whatever the fuck he did. And the girl at the end, when they would do now to need directors, was like, three men and this, whatever her name said her name so that she stands out and they'll fuck the other three guys. Yeah, well.
Starting point is 00:52:41 It's like, you can't fucking discount the three other, they, this is a once in a lifetime chance for them to yes and you're fucking saying fuck you her her it's like do chill the fuck out well there's only one there's we didn't have any yeah yeah yeah I fucking five years ago there was none and then now there's one you wanted you want exactly you want it to be all of them Okay, I don't even care. I hope it's all women and gays and blacks and there's no Man it all I don't give a fuck anymore. I don't care
Starting point is 00:53:17 I could care less if it's a woman director writer producer have it all as long as this shit's good That's how I feel it's all women's a thought who are the best directors great And win all of us just I just want you to happen to merit. It should be have merit now It's all like oh we got a one black guy winner. It's gonna be a fucking riot. Oh geez if not a woman doesn't win here We're all gonna get yelled at like the same as it's the same as comedy we've been going through this for years How come there's no woman on that show? How come there's only only one black guy in that show? This big pie char like there's only two percent of film close composers are women Well tell more to get into it. Yeah, is anybody going hey? Hey, whoa lady parts. What are you crazy picking up that?
Starting point is 00:53:56 Obo well, that was a thing with comedy. It was it's 85% men Yeah, so you can there's only three women exactly. I still can only name like ten women in comedy right? There's not enough black women on SNL. I've been like ten improv You know things I've never seen any black women. It's not part of the culture But it's like I think Burke Christchurch got into shit yesterday on Twitter I'm kidding because of something he didn't he didn't mention there's a shirt on What happened? He had a die coke instead of a T-dose.
Starting point is 00:54:35 Yeah, he got into shit yesterday because I guess he didn't say something about the female comics at the store on a podcast. Wow. He was they they at Michael bringing up. They asked something, but here's a deal who gives a fuck? Yeah, you're here now right? There's plenty of funny women. I exactly go be funny I don't understand it. I'm sorry. I didn't stand up for you guys. I'm not really good Arguer and I'm a bad at confrontation. Yeah, bird is not fucking Joe Rogan
Starting point is 00:55:03 Yeah, Bert is not fucking Joe Rogan. Bert's not Billy Burr. Bert is a fun loving guy that just wants to be goofy and have a good time and drink and fucking party and sell out every fucking show he has. I don't know, is that my own fucking resentment coming in there? He's killing it. He should be good for him. He's a good guy. You know, and he got shit.
Starting point is 00:55:22 He got attacked by all these. It's like, and then someone says, sorry, back the fuck off. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, it's like you said, it's never enough because right now it's all about women. Like, three years ago it was all black stuff, like moonlight and BLM and the riots and all that. And so we gotta have moonlight win.
Starting point is 00:55:39 And then, you gotta talk about all the blackpillars show. Now, if you don't talk about the women, you can yell that for that, but what about the black stuff? That's Oh, no it's all fixed. Oh, it's coming back next year with Panther it's gonna be all next year. How's black Panther not win every Oscar? Exactly. Yeah, it's a fucking super hero Boy, I agree with it, but the Oscars this year was still one by mostly white people They said that too. It's still the white Oscars. Well, not really. I mean, they still Coco one Mexican movie. One, give me a little tour of the two. He's a movie one, three. You're going to give him one for the movie. Right dormant, plenty. Francis Kean, Kean Peel guy, French guy won the
Starting point is 00:56:15 best score. I mean, it was pretty diverse. Plenty diverse. But they, they still feel they still said it was the white Oscars still. Well, they still weren't popular. They're making movies. Well, it's like they're making movies. I don't know. Everybody makes movies. It's just what was the best movie the year? That's who got nominated.
Starting point is 00:56:35 What do you want? There's 10 choices. 10 now. Right. 10. That's insane. 10. Well, they had to add. Yeah, because people got pissed.
Starting point is 00:56:43 Yeah, people got pissed. And they got a lot of independent movies who have no business they had to add. Yeah, because people got pissed. Yeah, people got pissed. And then you got a lot of independent movies who have no business being there, really. Right. That's one of the most important. The most important. Okay, so now, you know, whatever, I'm not gonna argue movies.
Starting point is 00:56:54 This one bugs me too, is that there's certain black people using the black Panther, my king, in real life. Yeah, this is very funny. I'm like, guys, guys. The comic book, please don't do that. That's hilarious. No, that's what they're doing now. It's very funny. I'm like, guys, guys, please don't do that. No, that's what they're doing now. It's very funny. Yeah, I think it's a very interesting thing that you could take the comic book movie and turn it into a real life. Yeah, but he the star of the show is greeting people with that. Yeah. Like I've seen him go like this.
Starting point is 00:57:18 No, well, people are greeting him with that. Yeah, but you say you go, shit, put your hand on the book. I'll give him a hug. You didn't walk around like Spider-Man going, psh. Oh, he doesn't look like that. Chris happens to do it with people. Right. Well, he's not a real fucking cat. He does go to children's things and dresses up like that.
Starting point is 00:57:37 That's fun. That's fun. Okay, pretty cool. Listen, he goes, exactly. It's children who are dying. Exactly. Okay, yeah. All right, that's fine. Give my last memory
Starting point is 00:57:45 I don't care if black pants are shows up at a fucking shoulders In this you're right not at a fucking Dunkin Donuts going my brother My king is he going to that money Dunkin Donuts? You know what I'm saying? It's like you know that's not a real greeting. Yeah, some white writer. No, I'm kidding who wrote the movie Black guy, I think when did when did who I get black guy invented pack And he did he invent the my king thing I Saw black Panther did you see it I saw it? Oh, shit. You know how I feel about comic book movies. And I know how you feel about blind people.
Starting point is 00:58:26 Yep, so it's really bad for me. No, no, it's exactly, I'm halfway through the movie. I'm trying to do a little piece of this on stage, but I'm halfway through the movie, and I'm thinking, what do you think I'm thinking halfway through the movie? I, it's a comic book movie. It's not real.
Starting point is 00:58:41 I've done it again. You know, like you dragged me to these comic book movies. I'm miserable. So I got to the same stage of misery like what am I doing? Yeah, but then when you leave and black people see they're so important to them that I now have to say That's the greatest movie I've ever seen because if you don't yeah, I look like a racist Yeah, but it's a comic book movie. It's a good one But it's a comic book look at the amount of black actors in that movie and the money that it made And you can't point that the other way Martin Freeman, the amount of black actors in that movie and the money that it made.
Starting point is 00:59:05 And that was important about it. You can't point that the other way, Martin Freeman plays the one-point guy in the movie. He's not even American. He plays like a New Yorker, New York accent FBI agent. He's this big. It's kind of ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:59:17 If it was the other way, it would be scandals. We're gonna skew all the way. What do you think of it? Who cares? So point is I don't care. I know. I'm not. You can can put all black people in he didn't eat his part could have been black i right who cares i don't care
Starting point is 00:59:30 the movie good or not it's not real it's not historical right is that right right the fb i agent in the comwell some people probably in the comic books if the fb i agent was a who knows they think they're a producer like look we gonna make him white yeah i think they did i swear to god they probably we need a white guidance movie. Let's go with but the only other white guy They had was the bad guy the ominous guy the claw and this is in a little bit superhero Luke Cage on Netflix was a I think a massive hit yeah and a great show and it was a you know Black culture It was, you know, a black culture, like real.
Starting point is 01:00:05 Like the culture they portrayed was more real than fucking flying into shitty Africa and then go down through the clouds and it's awesome Africa. You know what I mean? That's what I'm gonna say. I mean, that's what they did. They were hiding in plain sight
Starting point is 01:00:19 and you fly in all of a sudden it's this amazing futuristic paradise. You didn't see the movie. No, Wakanda. What is it? Wakanda. Wakanda, it doesn't exist. So we have to.
Starting point is 01:00:31 It doesn't? I'm gonna tell Keith Robertson, it doesn't exist. He's not on a hit rail. They even got shit on Rob Namedos for being racist because it didn't get a hundred. Right. Come on, I got a hundred. Take it easy.
Starting point is 01:00:42 Am I racist if I like see every black president and do the thing now? I think so. Yes. I can't win. You on, guys. Take it easy. Am I racist if I like see every black president and do the thing now? I think so. Yes. I can't win. You can't win. You can you, you want to be inclusive but then you can't be that a cons of forever. I can't say that.
Starting point is 01:00:54 No, you can't do that. But they can't agree people with the scorpion king and shake you there. So I don't even know what that was. I was a bad, that's called a bad joke. It's regrettable. That was called a shitty joke. I, I, listen, it's just a bad joke. It's re-grabber. That was called a shitty joke.
Starting point is 01:01:05 I, uh, I, listen, it's just ridiculous to me. Settle down. Yes. I mean, you got it. Hello? What's ridiculous? What the hell is going on? What kind of forever?
Starting point is 01:01:15 This is Robert Kelly. You're on the YKW. DeKeefe Robinson, everybody. Exactly. That's the Y. I don't know. Stupid, pretty much. I can't.
Starting point is 01:01:23 Listen, you did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, You're a low rated podcast. Bugs me. All right. Good. Exactly, that's the wise High rated black Panther bugs us Listen to are you are you greeting people with the black Panther crossed arms. I can't do both arms. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! That's great. So you have to go my half a king.
Starting point is 01:01:54 I-I mean, I can't be a full king. Keith, I mean, come on. There's people greeting each other with the black Panther like it's real. The star of the movie, the star of the movie, what? It's real. What's real? It's the first time I think I'm a black shit, Bobby.
Starting point is 01:02:17 I'm a stop. Listen, I'll give you a Luke Cage, but not Black Panther. No, not Luke Cage, Luke Cage, don a little cage, little cage, stomp. Black panther is like, you know, you got on this dance. Black panther started the same year that the black panther actually, the black panther party started. Let me give you all white boys that history lesson. Oh, please.
Starting point is 01:02:39 Yes, I got it. Please, do you have vibranium, I could borrow? He doesn't even have, he doesn't even have, he doesn't even have, vibranium i could borrow he doesn't he doesn't even have vibranium he doesn't even have brain i give it i want to hear this give us the history of black pants i think that black
Starting point is 01:03:00 black First of all, we started about two white guys. Yeah. Jack Kirby and Stanley went to Baltimore. In 1966, when you were 32. Now when I was 17, now, and then the Black Panther Party started shortly after the Black Panther movie. So we can't really know what, what, what, but I think as most white folks do, and in a costume walking around. You know we're right now. And then he made the car too. I'll tell you, I'll tell you, there was a white guy
Starting point is 01:03:49 got robbed and the couple was like, describe him. He was like, I don't know. He came out of the doctor's. It was like a black panther. That sounds plausible to me. And then necklace he's wearing is some old white lady's fucking jewelry that But he's stole. Listen, I don't like the guy, the star of the movie greeting people like he's,
Starting point is 01:04:20 they go my king and he does the thing thing back like he's really a king. Is he's a black king. I'm a black king. I can't I can't wait till he takes a gay role. Ah, you're not a black king. Uh, you know, you are your black. I was that you call me your black. You're a, you know, you are. You're a black crud
Starting point is 01:04:45 that's a you are you're donking let me cut let me say you're donking all right well listen list is fucking movie i mean let me ask you question what about the oscus was it still too white is always too white jordan bill one the first oscar for screenplay by a black writer it's a white thing it's rich white people uh... uh...
Starting point is 01:05:24 uh... one Oh Tyler Perry Jesus that sounds like a villain yeah exactly I'm a cackel to villain laugh Well friends really really great. Whoa, whoa, friends. I think you're one of my friends. Who's going to stand by, Katz?
Starting point is 01:05:46 You got Mark Norman, Lenny Marcus. No, sir. Mark Norman, be the Mark. And Dante, I didn't show up. Yeah, Dante. He'll be here. He's late. He's right at the call.
Starting point is 01:05:56 We have my fillings with Dante. Yeah, you're lucky. Yeah. That's my bar of trust. You're the only black person I know Yeah, that's true, yeah, but she dates white guys She's a black guy Yeah black black guy that's like it looks like a Lonzo Bowden, which is a white guy
Starting point is 01:06:30 Oh, that's good. Really in a month. Oh, did I come out? Did I say that loud? Everybody's doing that stupid white girl. I can't think. Gabby Gabby's here. He does another one. Gabby is a total type white girl. She really is the fucking whitest of white girl. Gabby. What?
Starting point is 01:07:00 That name is St. Gabby's St. Gabby's St. Gabby. I'm coming right here. I'm not going to take it back. Yeah, we need some. Give me some of the women's names from the movie. We need a couple of us. Do you know any of the names of the girls in the movie? Yeah. Name one.
Starting point is 01:07:14 Yeah. Yeah. Name some of the girls in the water. What? Walk a ton to wander. Walk a ton to what? Walk a ton to wander. If I said that, I'd be fucking racist!
Starting point is 01:07:25 Look at that. I'm gonna look at all those bitches. And look at these names, they're crazy. Yeah, we got names some of them, Mike. I'm into them, yeah. Okoyah, Danyana-Guyah. Nightshade. Are you mean the actress?
Starting point is 01:07:42 I know her, yeah. Like, what's the name? Yeah, Lapida Nguag plays Nakiya I think I said her 13 cents a day for five years mark mark mark mark mark mark sponsored the star one of the stars of the movie he sponsored her as a little girl she had flies by her eyes Hey did all hey did all I did I fit I'll come for coffee. Did I cup a coffee? You guys have a cup of coffee. Did we pay for a go gama? What was it called? Duh, he got weird. I feel like rich is a rich African
Starting point is 01:08:23 It's rich. Yeah, I know we paid for it with a fucking you're paid for nothing it's already african as you know on all as you know it any history about africa it's not an actual shithole yeah we don't we didn't say it's a shithole you said it was a shithole there are a lot of kids with machine guns you're a president day well you're that white well you're fucking skinny black one took off so what do you want? Half black Hi You're skinny black president went back to holoconda whatever the fuck it is
Starting point is 01:08:58 I don't like that in the movie every black person was shredded to like there's not a fat fucking Fucking God get out of here Oh god everybody was shredded yeah, there's not one truck Hudson out there Yeah, there's not one fucking 7-11 Slurpee drinking motherfucker in the batch one one seller bouncer No earthquake Yeah, yeah every every black guy in the fucking movie was just shredded. There wasn't I won't a girl. She wouldn't even look at me afterwards
Starting point is 01:09:44 She went to a show Shit Acceptance piece of the awesome We play him off do you have any play off music? Play theme from chef what species. We play him off. Do you have any play off music? I got one more thing from shaft. What? I got one more statement to make. Oh, okay. A statement. Why does that have to be a statement? It is because I need to make statements. Yeah. God.
Starting point is 01:10:18 I want to say, you know, thank you for having me on this podcast. Yeah. I want to thank, uh, you know, my mom and grandmother. Yeah. All right. Thank you, Keith Robertson. Next stop after the commercial break. We have more white people with podcasts. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 01:10:44 Keith Robertson. God, he's one of the funniest people on the planet. commercial break we have more white people with podcasts Shit Keith Robinson god. He's one of the funniest people in the planet. See he could take a joke If we did all that shit with some other new comic, they'd be like this is all racist, but he gets it Yeah, why not ain't look man. I don't here's a deal I Don't give a fuck anymore. I don't care. I don't care if it's all black white. We're I don't give a fuck anymore. I don't care. I don't care if it's all black, white, white. I don't give a fuck if it's all women. I don't care. Make it all women. Just make the Oscars mostly women. Give one, call it the white Oscar. And now the winner of the white male Oscar. And give all the Oscars tits. Give all the little, my men, make it tits. Give a, a, a, a't have to deal with that because that's coming. Yeah, it's not gonna be an Oscar anymore
Starting point is 01:11:28 It's gonna be a fucking Harry Fucking Gabby. We're gonna call him Gabby's I want a Gabby this year the Gabby awards. Are you watching the Gabby's? It's just a tall flat-chested Fucking white girl with the fucking always wet vagina I assume I assume just longs always have wet vaginas. That's my theory Yeah, I think so. It's my theory. It's just always wet
Starting point is 01:11:58 You know, we're gonna wear different underwear just to keep it keep it a little dry They get away humidor underwear just just to keep it dry it a little dry. They get away a humidor underwear just to keep it dry. Listen. Keep a sponge. Yeah, I'm fucking believable. Yeah, this this whole thing is crazy. You're right. Just you can't wait. You can't I mean, it keeps going and going. Hashtag the guys are wearing hashtag me too,
Starting point is 01:12:21 is put their accused of sexual harassment. And they're sitting there, and it's like, can we just get this out? I'm gonna say this, every guy you know has sexually harassed a woman. Sure. I'm just gonna say it. Maybe not Lenny. I said every guy.
Starting point is 01:12:38 Every man man, I'm gonna change it up. Every man man you know. Yeah, has sexually harassed a woman and some women have gone oh thank god he's a rassic what it that's 50 50 shades of gray how much money did that movie make the zillions how much money did 50 shades of gray I've never seen it I've never seen it and no man I've I know no friend of mine has seen it I did I called the couple friends but did you see it nine of a sort so I would have to say that my wife would every fucking book,
Starting point is 01:13:06 they would read every book there was. Yeah. And saw the movie, saw the second movie. How much money did this movie fucking make? And where are we on the third one now? Yeah, third one. How much is that? I can't see. Domestic growth, 166 million. 166 million. How much here? That's domestic. Okay, how much over a seas total? That's the first one find the total amount Does it tell you there you go world or I'm 400 million dollars this This movie made and I mean if that if this movie is not about tying a woman up and fucking give her a nice crack
Starting point is 01:13:44 Choking choking the whole nine so you want to be choked and tied up and fucking, you know, if you're my boss It's okay But you know, how do you get from that movie to? Well, she consents. Yeah She doesn't want the consent, but he got it a consent weird thing. Yeah, there's a whole like he got her to do it It's the whole thing where that's why it's shades of gray Yeah, and that's a key word. There's shades of gray. Yeah, too sex But the second she doesn't control it you're in trouble
Starting point is 01:14:16 But I thought they wanted to be out of control. I want you to know what a man to take what he wants all that bullshit Yep, and mount don't ask me can I kiss you now? Oh come on vagina's drawing They want the Some do I'm saying that's why it's hard, but they won't say it and it's all kept under wraps What do you want? But you person your lips stop person your lips? What you see And my rest is my resting duck you're resting purse face I fucking wake up in the middle. Like this.
Starting point is 01:14:48 Stop. Stop. What do you think about that? What? Do you like guys that are aggressive? Do you like calling the shots? How? And in between.
Starting point is 01:14:56 Okay, what's in in between? What's the shade of gray? I don't know. You have no idea. They will never tell you. They never tell you. They don't. And then we have to figure it out again.
Starting point is 01:15:04 Because if she says something, she's on record saying that I agree with guys What a silly and and and whatever girl podcasts she might go on in the future They're gonna be like you said this when when you can you can Look it we know the difference between being a fucking piece of shit and We know the difference between being a fucking piece of shit and trying to fuck around with somebody. I think we know the difference. Same people know the difference. Yes, the art of seduction.
Starting point is 01:15:33 Well, that's the thing. She's going to run into a lot of insane guys. Who? Of course. Yes, that is true. But she wants the balance of them. All it takes is one. I'm not going to say who, but you, you, you,, this some guys you said, I'll fucking that guy, right?
Starting point is 01:15:46 Yeah. I mean, well, she could throw some nutcase a signal, right? And then he goes for it. And next thing, you know, he's a little too aggressive. And then what happened? That is true. But this is men or scum.
Starting point is 01:15:56 It's such a broad truth. Well, that's where it turns into, you know. Because she's saying, he has a story and then somebody else has a similar story and then they all, you know, then it's the mid, right. Then it's a one-woman show But I look it I agree There's over correction. She just said it over correction over correction
Starting point is 01:16:12 Yeah, and then and when you get to that point. It's like all of a sudden The Oscars aren't fun and that's where we what happened to fucking that's what I was saying Yeah, what happened to sit down turn on the Oscars on, and then forget about your shit life. Filly crystal tap dancing up there. It was a good time. People making jokes and having fun. Yeah. Goofy shit. You know, I saw that movie.
Starting point is 01:16:32 I didn't see that one. I want to see it. It'll come back. It'll come back. And now it's one fucking, it's terrible. They disappeared. Throw them out. Those are the guys that are going to film the Duckies series.
Starting point is 01:16:43 Those are the Duckies gonna film the docuseries That's Jack Larry Sun I mean Dennis there's really yeah, holy smokes which one this one. Yeah, good guy right? Yeah, yeah way better looking at Dennis Larry Wow, come on Alan's better looking than numkin What I miss We got into the whole meat to black We got into the whole meat to black pan. Yeah, thank God I missed that. I called him. He loves it.
Starting point is 01:17:06 He loves the whole black pan of movement. He moved back to Africa. He tried to give a speech at the end of the end and we planned it. We planned to play it in my mouth with the Oscar music. If I could, he might be faded up. He just turned it on as loud as that. He's right in the way. Good for you.
Starting point is 01:17:22 Just those loud, we shot it off. Good for you. We're talking about the meat too thing and all that stuff. Did you watch the Oscars? I did. The longest most boring Oscar I've ever seen in my life. That's where you gotta go a party. Like we do in bed on it.
Starting point is 01:17:33 She's a... I was too tired. I want a ton of money on Kobe. Did you? Did you? Oh, man. It's a good bit. But there's the thing too is that Kobe Bryant
Starting point is 01:17:42 who was accused of raping a girl. Yeah, that's true. Didn't he wait, you asked a question? Yeah. Did he go to accused of raping a girl. Yeah, didn't he wait You guys a question. Yeah, what did he go to court for that? He went to court, right? Yeah, so he was tried And a majority of his peers and acquitted therefore he did not rape anybody, okay? Which I like a little due process Huh, whatever legal stuff that all about word of anal here, you know, it's happy happy Yeah, but it's still but word of by it's still with them It is still with them. It's still with them. It's an asterisk next to his name stigma
Starting point is 01:18:10 It's still with them and even they said something the next day the Kobe Bryant and and and the other guy What's his name who played Churchill? Yeah, Gary all right? Gary all men and the other guy too. There was somebody else That they they get to stand there and fucking be around us and accept these awards and nobody's like we're supposed to We're supposed to open that up and go even though the court found you not guilty not guilty Which is what our society is based on yes? Do how we process how we don't fucking rip each other apart and the peth everything comes tumbling down where we're just yep kill any people that's where the market saying is right is the over correction is right there yeah that that's our sorry then and sorry it's okay it's okay and it's at that exact moment where we lose it i agree logic goes out
Starting point is 01:18:59 the window it's all feelings based and nothing gets sold yeah i think i think i think they did he gave he got his award, Gary Olman got his award, you know, whatever it wasn't they have to do. So we just have a day, one day a year where we just, I mean, just sit there and go, girls, everybody, everybody's great. Every day, it's participation trophy. Yeah, that's all this great.
Starting point is 01:19:21 It's all this great. Black people, white people, but here's what I'm worried about too, is that I have a white male son. Yeah, I's great. Black people, white people, but here's what I'm worried about too, is that I have a white male son. And he's fucked. Yeah, but he's gonna grow up in a society where he thinks he's bad. Yes, for no reason.
Starting point is 01:19:33 And he's done nothing. That's what racism is. Isn't that funny? We've brought it all back, just to a different group. Yeah, we're just gonna be racist to little white boys now. And then for some reason that's okay. And it's like, you're trying to change people
Starting point is 01:19:48 My cake is baked you ain't unbaking this cake Mm-hmm. How do we get the food? Very metaphor I bring everything Let's change go to these boys go to the little boys now go to the little white kids now go to little boys now and Teach them teach them they're the ones who are gonna be 20, 30. They're the ones who are gonna treat women with respect and know how to do things and the gray areas. They're the ones who are gonna change. But if you sit there and just women, women, black,
Starting point is 01:20:17 black, minorities, minorities, gays, gays, and white men, boo. These little kids are gonna go up with a fucking chip on their shoulder. And they're gonna be fucked. little kids are gonna be with a fucking chip on their shoulder. And they're gonna be fucked, and they're gonna be like, what the fuck did I do? When they did nothing. Right.
Starting point is 01:20:33 Then they have to work harder so they get good, and then people go, of course, he's good. He's a white kid, he had everything given to him. No, no, he worked hard because he had nothing given to him. I just stop it. Can we talk about Chuck Berry? What? Last year at the Oscars, he was, you know, Give it to him. I just stop it. Can we talk about Chuck Berry? What?
Starting point is 01:20:45 Last year at the Oscars, he was, you know, in memoriam lifetime, and she whatever the hell it was. He pissed on girls as tapes of him, raping kids and all this shit, but it's all fine. Cause he's legend. Well, because you can't, I mean, well, he videotape his employees,
Starting point is 01:20:59 Pee, what he did. Oh, that too, yeah. But, yeah, he's a fucking, he's a lunatic. Oh yeah, big creep. But I think that, the social media, I went on Twitter last night and every comic that I know that was on there pretty much and all these people that I follow, were just in it, fighting it. They love it.
Starting point is 01:21:21 Arguing, like pigs and shit. There weren't, they weren't being fun, they were accusing it. Yes. Fuck him and you're an asshole and you didn't listen and you didn't read my thing and you're an idiot and fuck this and he sucks and fucking blah blah and it's like what are you doing with? Well, if you'd like some light fair go to my Instagram account. I Was good enough Skitting and look first and rip on he's a sweetie Not not good enough for you what do you want? What do you want? It was great Lenny. We're all just jealous you were in Korea I'm sorry I only know that you were fucking girls
Starting point is 01:22:00 That's usually call you a cast light fair It is light fair. We say it light fair light fair. It is light fair. We say it. Light fair. Light fair. How was Korea? What's that like? It's beautiful.
Starting point is 01:22:11 It's beautiful. It's modern. You know, we really come with Olympic villages though, right? So it was all new. New hotels and stuff like that. It's gorgeous. Everything. The toilets have 14,000 gadgets on it.
Starting point is 01:22:23 And the doors, you just hold your key up and the door just opens You know, it's so advanced and so advanced. We live in a toilet. We do we really do like our airports are a Joe Compared I have that whole thing in my act about technology. It's like we still have guys our bathrooms are terrible Yeah, people still use their hands for wheelchairs and there's a fat tourist going by on a segway Yeah, right. It's like you tourist going by on a segway. Yeah, right. It's like, you know, it's crazy. It's so, they do a great job of, like I read today,
Starting point is 01:22:52 we were supposed to have this, we won't fund it, but this supposed to be some new New York, New Jersey rail system happening. Oh yeah, they want to, they want to, they want to make, extend what, the seven from the West side railing. Straight across, yeah. Now, how do we not do this in four seconds right?
Starting point is 01:23:07 Yeah because it costs like a trillion dollars to fill the seven like you know four more blocks. But they would do that in South Korea that's happening right now in a heartbeat. It's done in a year. Asian. It's going to take us 30 years. Yeah. It's crazy.
Starting point is 01:23:21 We stink. We do stink. Technology wise, they've really dole it out very slow. We just need to commit to it. Like infrastructure. Infrastructure. We should give out toilets though. I mean, they have toilets over there. Infrastructure. They tell you if you're not to eat the cupcake fat so you die of eating this cake.
Starting point is 01:23:37 I have to look at my piss and if it smells sweet, I'm like, oh, I'm gonna stop. You know? But they also say that America uses five times. If the world used what America used in five years would all be resourceless. So we use the most and we still suck. So we're just like a fat pig sucking up all this shit. It just shows, here we built the second avenue subway, right?
Starting point is 01:24:00 It's amazing. It's three stop, but it's a, like imagine what we can do if we actually built a rail system from a better rail So we have like Info second half subway go. What does that go? It go 96? Yeah, it goes from like 96th and second all the way down to like it attaches to like 34th Street Yeah, it's beautiful Spank and new oh, it's gorgeous you it's gorgeous. You can get from here. You can get from here to the strip. Second Avenue. I'm gonna take the cue. I'm gonna murder you. 25 minutes, which
Starting point is 01:24:33 we're a second Avenue. Second Avenue. You can get it on 96-86. No, down here you It's a cue. What? You're on the cue. A cue. A cue train. What's on the queue queue queue train Cute train because it it's yellow you know, you got to see a map It's a whole thing hold the map up much the point was technology. We need more of it We need me and I let me tell you something I gotta say this about boss me and boss field in façade on the bonfire the other day I had we had so I'll do fucking radio with Rich Voss. Oh yeah. I can't tell you how fucking great. I mean, he is, I love me and him together.
Starting point is 01:25:12 I thought you were doing a show with him and Keith. Where are you doing a show? Shuttle down, all right, he's still. Fuck me, you never heard of a tease. Oh, sorry. Wow, you're fucking, I don't know. This was the tease. Wow, it was gonna be a two, you fucking hit it over the head with a hammer
Starting point is 01:25:30 Let me see now play this real quick. What are you gonna see this? What do you think you listen to me? Let me let me fuck it tell you to give me the nickname I don't want to worse one. You say you listen to Liz I don't want to worse one. You say, you listen to Liz, what do you tell you something? You understand me? Well, you have to listen to Liz too. Shut up, just listen to Liz.
Starting point is 01:25:49 Bring up the queue, you fucking throats. There you go. Look at that, there you go. So, it's a Juts East. We could take it from... Where is it? We could... Oh, the yellow.
Starting point is 01:25:57 Oh, yeah. And it goes through the park. Oh, hun, well, look at that. It goes in though, you can get off in the park. No, you can't. No, you can't. It goes through the park. I will start with't know you can't go straight to the park I will you don't say no that way everybody. I don't think there are any subway stops in the park Right on the park. That would feed the park right right yeah go scroll down. Is that all you got?
Starting point is 01:26:17 Yeah, I mean that's it's the credit street. This is great Pud I'm gonna have a bonfire bonfire. Oh, oh, we play this a little bit Behind the shaft right on the helmet right where the helmet met the shaft. It's right there I said that's place to hold something That's what the skin is a little mushy viable It's rigid and it almost has like a sort of a grip to it a little wall like a racquet ball like handball On that helmet, Rich. Well, it makes some sort of a grip that has that texture to it
Starting point is 01:26:48 and gets you into the shark tank. He's the same sound guy as you. I didn't grab one. No, dick grip, dick grip. To check this out and just clap a phone on the wall. Dick grip. How do you feel about that? I'm tough.
Starting point is 01:26:59 And Jay too, I gotta give Jay a try. How is Jay so funny? Jay, Big Jay on fucking radio. It's a tremendous. It's almost like sitting in a fucking nice warm, fucking of used food again, chicken pot pie. Yes. Just nice. That's a compliment.
Starting point is 01:27:15 Big, awesome. That's a real, you should have been there. Just comfort. The lights, the lights at dim. What was the cake one again? Bigger cake. Bigger cake. Bigger cake. Big, un-big, un-big, the cake. You can Bigger cake? Bigger cake?
Starting point is 01:27:25 Bigger cake? Unbake, unbake the cake? You can't unbake me. My cake is already baked. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're the little kid, you can bake cake. Got it. He's still, you can add ingredients.
Starting point is 01:27:36 Children are a little cake. Yes, they're cupcakes. So we have Voss. And we do have a show. Big J's at Chicken Pompah. Me, not J, me, Rich Vos and Keith Robinson filmed a pilot episode of what? That's crazy.
Starting point is 01:27:54 That's what? This is gonna be great. When's that coming out? Me Vos and Keith Robinson filmed the pilot episode, a podcast. What's a cult? Fatties, Bitty and the pilot episode. A podcast. What's it called? Bloody Spitty in the Gimp. All the guys.
Starting point is 01:28:09 Oh, geez. It's pretty. Spitty in the Gimp. Spitty in the Gimp. Oh, spitty. Spitty in the Gimp. I can't say sevens. I'm hungry.
Starting point is 01:28:26 I'm not doing it. Give me my cane. What kind of candy cane? We, yeah, we called it the ugly truth. What we talk about pop culture news and anything entertaining. We actually did it. It was very funny. Rich Voss is fucking the layers because we were just smashing Voss about something. He said something. We were talking about
Starting point is 01:28:55 gun control at the time. That was a Las Vegas shooting and he's like, we were like, what can you do? And he's like, I can't read a bullets. Okay. Oh my god. Oh boss. Listen to me. He's like, no, no, you fucking idiot. You gotta get rid of bullets.
Starting point is 01:29:11 It's a good idea. I'm not funny. I'm like, you're a more, just you stinkin'. And then we looked it up and you're out. And they're trying to get rid of bullets. The number one, the best way to have gun control is to eliminate bullets. Because there is no, you can buy bullets.
Starting point is 01:29:30 There's no law on bullets. Well, didn't they just pass the law about the high, the magazines and like the high? Well, but right now, there's no law on bullets. I mean, people don't care about bullets. So you can, to get around. Oh my God. To get around the second amendment, if they to there's nothing on books it's on guns not
Starting point is 01:29:49 both so you could actually take away the ammunition of all these gun motherfuckers and you'd have them right in the call you all these but did he think of that did he read that he said I don't know but it doesn't matter either way knowing that he came up with that it's all horrible. Listen to me. Sorry. Just if Lenny said it, I'd believe it. Right. If, if, you know, if he, he says it, I just,
Starting point is 01:30:11 it's don't live. Yeah. Because if, if I said dude, the sum comes up in the morning, goes down in the afternoon, I'd be like, you're lying. Fucking idiot. I know. It's true, but he was surprised.
Starting point is 01:30:21 He was right on the money. So that we're going gonna actually release that soon I would love to do radio with those two assholes, but you know one of them be late and the other one would fucking you know Yeah, fuck that fuck it up sabotage it. Why are you getting more money? I'm not we're getting paid the same. Yeah, but they bring you coax Anyways, now what is that right Cass? Is that or is that I? Know I'm gonna give it to gas digit Throw them bomb in you know
Starting point is 01:30:52 Yeah, sit on your gas digital apps well, I can't I'll slash kumiya How about the Kevin Brennan debacle oh what's that? Oh? I was there we wait which one so glad with talking do we do the other read yet? Do we have another read? Let me do this read before you get it? Oh, it's that? Oh, I was there. We, we, which one? So glad we talked. Do we do the other read yet? Do we have another read? Let me do this read before we get into this. Oh, it's Jim and Sam.
Starting point is 01:31:09 Let me do this. Let me do this. Oh, yeah, I heard about that. And there's another one too. Oh, man. Another man. I'm really quick, everybody. I love these guys.
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Starting point is 01:31:40 No one's gonna murder my dog. What if he rolls over on? No, no, no, the dog sleeps on the other side of me, so he's safe. If anyone's gonna die, it's gonna be me. So you're like a wall, a dog wall? You're a dog wall. In the line of fire. Well, Brooklyn.com, I have them. They're unbelievable. A great gift, someone's birthday if you're an adult.
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Starting point is 01:34:44 Got it. We're great. What happened on the, we're gonna wrap this up too. You get around 20 minutes before hard out for you. Hard out. So spit it out. I don't want Joe Lister to call in again, but yeah, so he did, he didn't get some job at the Kumi Network.
Starting point is 01:34:58 Okay, he wanted, he, all right, this is what I know about the Kumi Network shit, is that he wanted more than one day a week. Yeah. And they were like, no, you can't have more than one day a week and he's like, I'm out. Right. Because he's a self sabotaging moron. Exactly. Okay.
Starting point is 01:35:12 So they're bringing this up again. We also, we also wanted to co-host when we were going. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is the other, the other side of the coin was that if he couldn't get another day, he wanted to co-host if already was gone. And it was all about wanting more money. But they could pay the co-host.
Starting point is 01:35:25 Yeah. So what it is, it's like, okay, I would like to have that spot. And they should, I mean, look, they want to have people on who the fans like, which I get, but you should keep it in house too. You should give the people around you an opportunity to make money. But it does have a point. I just don't know. You know, it's his right.
Starting point is 01:35:45 If it's his right to on air be like, either you give me this or I'm out, that's a conversation for something off camera. Yeah, but if you don't, but here's the thing, if you don't do it on air, how are you going to stir the pot? How are you going to get? Well, that's what he does. But that, but yeah, but that's exactly. You do it off air.
Starting point is 01:36:02 They just say, no, and then you're you gotta eat your shit and bitch to your wife. Or do you bitch on air to your fans and their fans and have people hate you and love you. And then they say no, and then he's like, I quit and walks out. But they brought him back, right? Is he in the back? Or is he done? He still has his one show.
Starting point is 01:36:16 He has the one, yeah. Just this still one day burning bridges. Yes, so he's still on. Yeah. But he's, so he didn't get what he wanted. Yeah. But he's a father. Yeah, but I mean, look, I. So he's still on. But he's so he didn't get what he wanted. But he's a father. Yeah, but I mean, look, I understand that he's always hurting for money and he wants money
Starting point is 01:36:31 and he's asking for a job. But they don't have the ability to give him money, but they do hire other people for other shows. And he kind of went after Bill Schultz, who I like Bill Schultz a lot. And he's of went after Bill Schultz, I like Bill Schultz a lot. And he's the morning show. And he hired a new girl, right? They hired a girl. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:36:52 And that's why he's pissed. Yeah. And then they brought that other guy in from Detroit. Dave Landa, who's a sweet guy. I don't know him. He's a good guy. I know Dave, he's a really good guy. But he didn't take his shit. Well, they got almost know him. He's a good guy, I know Dave, he's a really good guy. But he didn't take his shit.
Starting point is 01:37:07 Yeah. Well, they got almost got it. So what happened? It's like anything else in this business, I'm saying at some point, people wanna have to wanna work with you. I told a comic deck this week, I told Mike Fiendy that this weekend,
Starting point is 01:37:20 you want the best advice? Be nice and be funny. It's all you need to do. Yeah, be easy to work with them be nice yeah be nice because people gonna go hey what about that guy and like he's kind of a dick oh yeah and you're done when the opportunity doesn't and less you're fucking oh my god funny right which I don't know who is I mean we're all funny
Starting point is 01:37:40 but not oh my god. You are me. I am fucking a mega fun. You are. I mean, just you are, but you could deal with you. I mean, there's the fuck did you say like that for? I'm saying that we know other people. Yeah, they, you know, that you just cannot deal with no matter how funny they are. And that's, that's a key thing in this business.
Starting point is 01:38:00 And you're done. Yeah. And you were, you know, first hand with this thing. I do know first hand and I told them a million times and you know exactly why he hasn't gotten, there's nobody fun, Kevin Brennan is very, very funny. Very hilarious. Dealing with Kevin is a zero and it's impossible
Starting point is 01:38:15 and Liz and I try to, it's impossible and people, you know, you could, there's nobody funnier than that guy but it off, he's a zero to deal with. So it, people don't want to deal with. So it does he want to deal this? Does he like it a little bit? Is it a twisted mental? He's got all kinds of mental. Yeah, but he is.
Starting point is 01:38:31 He's got beat up almost. You left sabotage. Yeah, everything. He did it to himself. I didn't say. You know, Dave Landown him almost. Yeah, that's what's yeah, yeah, what happened? They were on air and he was he just.
Starting point is 01:38:42 He's provoking him. You know, that's what he does, but he's provoking. He's triggering people on air and he was he just he's provoking him. You know what he does, but he's provoking He's triggering people on air. He's not triggering you in the hallway at the seller He's not triggering you when you see him walk down the street You know, we got a death threat on Twitter a legitimate death threat from some other comedian No, literally literally like I don't know Some other comedian, but it was so pointed. There were two, so pointed, and so I was like,
Starting point is 01:39:07 holy shit. What comedian? I can't fuck her remember, you gotta ask him. I'm saying that I'm, what I'm doing. When I do that, I'm saying it out loud for Mike to go. Oh, Bobby wants to know what comedian gave him, and he'd Google it and find it, and then we'd have it. Sorry, I was kidding.
Starting point is 01:39:23 When I say this, I say that say that allowed it's a question from Mike To here I go Who wrote that I should go at the end of it Mike? I was looking to the other day not up and just get the fuck again. Don't worry about what you want worry about what I want What I want I need to hear what it was because I was looking on What? You know what I want. I need to hear what it was because I was looking at that.
Starting point is 01:39:44 Listen to me. Oh my God. Some comedian. And the Twitter handle was like comedian blah blah blah blah. We would just be on the show every week, please. Mike, it's like a roast beef sandwich, Mike. The rent in Kevin Brennan's life. And it was really, yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:59 And then I mean, he's blocked from on that. Kevin Brennan's obituary. Read that. Please read that. Kevin Brennan's Wikipedia page, which starts with Kevin Brennan's obituary. Read that. Please read that. Kevin Brennan's Wikipedia page, which starts with, Kevin Brennan is a douche. Swear to God. Swear to God.
Starting point is 01:40:11 Oh, yeah. Kevin Brennan, for me, the same age. Yeah, I'm a piece of me. Thursday at home, surrounded by his loving friend. Oh, I'm from the wrong guy. We know the last part of that. Wrong guy. He was 19, he grabbed your ass.
Starting point is 01:40:24 I bet his kids. We're livid. He was nice. He grabbed you. I bet his kids are fucking lovely. They're lovely, well behaved, so nice, sweet. And I said it almost makes him human. Well, that's what made Kevin go after this guy physically, Dave Landau. Well, I love Dave. He, Kevin's called his wife fat.
Starting point is 01:40:40 Okay, what you don't do? No, it's good. Listen, you can say shit about Dave, you can say anything you want about anybody in that room, you start attacking defensive people who aren't in the business, who can't defend themselves. Now I'm going to have to fucking grab your tracheer and drag you down the street by the side of your face. Okay? He said something fat wife and then he said something about his daughter and that and
Starting point is 01:41:02 somehow there's the line. The line is family. The line's family. So fuck you. You can't fucking make your own lines. A queer kid, forget it. So it's like I understand the fight. I understand Kevin getting mad.
Starting point is 01:41:16 I wouldn't say anything about somebody's daughter. The line was with your daughter, her name's 18, I'm gonna fuck her, which is really. Yeah, because that's like a month from now. That's legal. Did he hit him? No, I mean, like, like get up and cuz that's I got much from that's legal did he hit him did Get up and bring it up. They cut out Yeah, they was don't get mad at me. I'm asking a question. Just answer the fucking question Norton went nothing come up. No, nothing came up Thank you like fomped in between nuts. I'm gonna fucking fight you
Starting point is 01:41:42 Like something between that's really fucking for you Good We can handle him mush Mushy okay push the button Kill school shooter kids What and I'll wait for your daughter's fucking 18 and then I'll fuck her and then when you see me look at her face Wait stop stop go back go back Go back go back. I want to see you see him turn here. Here's where he went He went daughter
Starting point is 01:42:19 No, no, no, no, Sam's gonna, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh, is that why your fact she's gonna be your fat you fucking He is Kevin is not in shape. He's a little chubby. Yeah, yeah, you switch with Sam I'm gonna fuck you up after the show dude. I would leave right then stop. I would leave the show right there I'll be outside. Yeah, wait I would just walk outside. I'd be like, okay, let's just end it You're gonna fuck me up. Let's just go downstairs. No more words. Let's not talk. Let's just go outside. That's also very, that's why I'm getting mad. I'm running my nanny.
Starting point is 01:43:10 He's not even part of my life. I sold the show away. That's what I'm saying. This is why people love Kevin and hate him because of this. And if you don't think Kevin knows this, if you don't think the people that live in controversy, the people that are always in a fucking fight arguing or fucking pissing with somebody,
Starting point is 01:43:29 if you don't think they know it, and they're doing it to get this. That's what I'm saying. He won the most last time fucking Kevin was on Sam and Jim. I don't remember. I think it was when Obi was there, but now he's on. And he was on again. He's been on a bunch, right?
Starting point is 01:43:45 Yeah, he's been on twice. And he brought it up on the show. It's like, well, we're only here because of the green controversy. Yes, he knows. He said, he said to Dave outside, let's talk about it on the show. It's like, dude, I don't wanna do this in real life.
Starting point is 01:43:56 I don't wanna fight you outside. I don't wanna, let's go on the radio. And he said, you're here because of me, Dave, because I fucking said you're a piece of shit now you're on the gym in Sam show Thank you. You're welcome and I like Dave a lot. I think Dave's a great guy Sober got a shit together was a piece of shit first time I met him. He had a fucking blow his car to start it
Starting point is 01:44:20 Oh, wow Most uncomfortable. Hey, let me give you a ride to lunch it. Oh wow. Most uncomfortable. Hey, let me give you a ride to lunch. Oh, great. What the fuck is that? Yeah. Every 20 minutes he had a blow into his car or the car shuts down. And then the cops show up. Now he's sober. We're going to family's doing great. And he fucking fell victim to this. The chabron. Yeah. Welcome to New York. Yep. So, I mean, you know what? So, I mean, how far do you go? How far do you have to keep doing this? Exactly.
Starting point is 01:44:52 Yeah, where does it, what's the end game? I mean, what is the end game? Someone's gonna actually, yeah. What if Dave was a fighter? What if Dave was a... And you would see it as a... What if Dave was a fucking psychopath? What if Dave was that guy that threatened his life on Twitter
Starting point is 01:45:06 It's gonna happen having with Jimmy Martinez Kevin was very close to getting that was really funny You have that video The plugs is getting he's getting great press right now. He is I mean is he a genius or is he? I mean no, but let's just but let's think about it. There's a ceiling on it That's all I was telling Liz this we talked about this, there's a ceiling on this. You can only go so far. And then you can't get, if you continue to do this, you can't get advertisers and you can't rate meal money.
Starting point is 01:45:35 And you can't, there's a lot of it. Hang on, did you say meal money? That's it. You can't get real money. That's just brilliant. And who's gonna work with you? Because you know this is your work. You're gonna be the money. And who's gonna work with you? Because you know this is your work.
Starting point is 01:45:47 You're gonna be the guy that's maybe on a radio show every once in a while. Yeah, but then he went to Bill Schultz and he saw Bill Schultz at a bar. And he's fronted him and the guy, there's a friend Chad, there's a comedian. Well I met he's a good guy. But he actually started filming it. Now poor Bill's drunk at a bar trying to just do his thing. That's a good guy. Yeah, he's gonna he but he actually started filming it now poor bills drunk at a bar Trying to just do a snake. That's not good. That's not cool. All right. Look at this. This is my favorite Okay, you don't know you don't have a gig. Hey yo, man listen
Starting point is 01:46:13 Here we go. I'm done with this. Okay. Good. Oh, this is great good watch this is the best Jimmy's cock. He said column to see if you got a gig oh Kevin Which is crab is right out of the way yo move grabs her and rolls her carry who's a tough Brut yeah, Kravitz is tough, bro. She was like he she tapped out too. Go ahead Look at hang on he learned that self defense. That's a woman's self defense course He took it a mall in 1998 with his wife Hold the arms the arms down.
Starting point is 01:47:06 Now ladies, what you want to do when a saline comes out, you grab his wrists firmly hold on to his wrists or jacket. Go ahead. If you want me to call it for me, how you talking to me? Oh, fuck for me, man. Call it shit. What you talking about? He's just fucking around.
Starting point is 01:47:21 Yo, shut the fuck up bitch. Oh, look man, that hashtag. Yo, you're going to get thrown out of the Oscars. Right Look man that hashtag Throwing out of shit You need to get thrown out of shit. She was like that about shut the fuck up bitch. That was yeah I'm gonna with the wrong guy Jimmy is no joke. I said that to my wife Good luck on that bitch Jimmy's a mother he know I say that to my wife Yeah, good luck on that Shut up bitch Jimmy's a mother he knows you want I thought he held back
Starting point is 01:47:51 Jimmy this is my fair part This is my fair part right here He goes way from me outside Wrong choice of words go What? We see you outside Yo I took it outside He meant talk
Starting point is 01:48:04 Fucking ass. We see nothing. Take it. Look at how happy he is. I know. You could see the fucking little joy right in this face. Like I won. Stop.
Starting point is 01:48:17 Yeah. He fucking is ex- Yeah. There's a little glimmer in his eyes. So here's the deal. He could have took a nice crack in. He could have took him. Okay, but he's a, is he a mad genius?
Starting point is 01:48:29 Hmm. If you don't get punched in the face, what do you think? Are you person your lips? I don't know. You just hear your lips come undone. Well, do you think Neil watches this shit and just goes, good, dude? No. No, that doesn't fucking live.
Starting point is 01:48:43 You don't think? No, I mean, you're a real, I'd be curious. Neil no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, He's got older, yeah. Not this. I think right now. He hit a wall. I think like his writing sort of stopped and his, those jobs stopped. And he got to a point where he's like, all right, I'm back I'm a New York city. I need to, what do I do? How do I do?
Starting point is 01:49:14 He wasn't on the road. He was really just writing. He got to listen man. I have to say one thing. He'll hear it. I'm not taking, well, I'm not taking his side on it. I'm just saying that having kids and a wife and a mortgage and all the shit that he has
Starting point is 01:49:28 is a lot of anxiety and a lot of stress in this business. And you see all these people coming up making money. You see all these other motherfuckers making money. And you're like, and you know, you're in your heart, you're like, I should be making money too. And you get these opportunities and, you know, blah blah blah, that's why your heart, you're like, I should be making money too. And you get these opportunities and, you know, blah, blah, blah. That's why over here, he's like, I want money, money.
Starting point is 01:49:48 I was trying to make a money. It just happens, it takes a long time. It takes more time than he needed. Yeah. Maybe could afford with his bills and his- And he has more responsibility than a lot of other, you know, and everyone has responsibility, but he has a wife and two children.
Starting point is 01:50:03 And he went over to, at least I get in some, okay, great, and thought there was more opportunity. And then found out that there isn't. It's hard to make money over there. Hey, if you bring 20,000, listen to this, what you, you'll make money. But if you don't, so he's trying to find a way to make money and the way you make money
Starting point is 01:50:22 and the way you get people to listen, and like we were talking about it again, we're showing this for the second time on my fucking podcast. Fucking Kevin Brennan was a fucking highlight and it's been two weeks he's been in the news. So he's the Kardashian. He's the fucking Paris. Yeah, but you know what he's not like sucking a dick and you can get past that. He's being a dick and there's only so far that's going to take you.
Starting point is 01:50:44 So he should do it. It's so good. Yeah, I mean, maybe he made someone happy, you know, it would be as bad. I think you should suck Lenny's cock. That'd be a nice question. And then we get Misery loves company back. Yeah, or just, you know, company.
Starting point is 01:51:00 Yeah. Hi guys, we're gonna wrap this up. I just got up, Kevin. Yeah. There he is. Len gonna wrap this up. Um, Bob Kevin. Yeah, there he is, Lenny Marcus, from the Olympics. What was the best thing you saw in the Olympics? The best thing I saw in the Olympics was one moment of celebrity that I thought was unbelievable. Clint Eastwood.
Starting point is 01:51:20 No, the Shibatani's, do you know who that is? Oh, God. They're a high-stancing team. They're an America's ice dancing sister. Yeah, the brother and sister They're going for the gold medal. Okay, they're skating around okay, they're skating around going for the and Leslie Jones yells out from row 10 of this ice arena With like I don't know 30,000 people Shibatais Go shibatat like that and they stop skating with like, I don't know, 30,000 people. Chimitais! Go, Chimitais!
Starting point is 01:51:45 Like that, and they stopped skating. The two people going for a gold medal, wait, doing this their whole life, stop. Look up at her and go, they point at Leslie, we love you. She's the first. Whoa. They give her that we love you. And I thought that was the, that,
Starting point is 01:52:00 if that's a, that was like, incredibly, we were all like, what's happening? That's the Korean symbol for the N word That was Kevin bread on the phone. That's right get him on the phone. I am fucking bent over right now Oh my god That was amazing to you that was amazing to me how in that one moment did you get me any swag? Sure, what do you want you want a pin? I want a jacket like I think I might have a jacket for it really? We'll see yeah. Oh, yeah, well fit me That's a tricky part
Starting point is 01:52:44 It made at some point you are your regimen now You work it out. Yes, I am I think it's a goal. I have a goal jacket for you Awesome a goal jacket. Oh, I can wear that good goal. Jack it. Go go go Gole jacket. Yeah, Lenny. We're gonna be buddy. I'll be here for a while I've my out of town. I've been away for a month, so yeah, I'll be at the seller until the baby's born, probably. Congrats, I can't wait. All right.
Starting point is 01:53:11 Yeah. Oh, you're exciting. Well, your friends are getting happy longer than me. Yes. I brought Gabby to you. But longer than me. Are you friends with me and you friends more than you and Gabby are friends?
Starting point is 01:53:22 Is what I'm saying? Yes. Me and you are friends. I know you 20 years, I know Gabby. Yeah, don't forget too. Okay. She's not getting a gold jacket. All right, cool. I want a gold jacket.
Starting point is 01:53:32 I'll give you some Gabby. Gabby, are you a shit? I don't know. Because I don't know if I want a gold jacket yet. All right, you'll want it. Yeah, you want it. All right, I'll tell you. The Four Corners podcast.
Starting point is 01:53:41 Four Corners podcast. Yeah. On the Ryecast Network. It is a great podcast. Yeah, Neil Neil platter near Potter and you do four corners. It's I love the show. I've done the show. Have you done it? I've never heard of it come do our show Next time you're up in Upper West. Let me know I'm on the moon. I will. I'm gonna book them right after book. I'm gonna have to show it's a great show
Starting point is 01:54:02 You do four topics one One of them's you. The rest you go through a 50 minutes of pop. You're done in an hour. It flies by. I love it. Very fun. Very interesting. Great time.
Starting point is 01:54:12 Great podcast. Easy listen. And funny. And they have great guests on it. So make sure you check it out. It's one of my favorite podcasts on our network. Four Corners with Lenny Marcus and Neil Pato. Light fan.
Starting point is 01:54:23 And you got dates too. You're going to be in New York. So just go to Lenny Marcus. Neil Pata. Lightfair. And you got dates too. You're gonna be in New York. So just go to LennyMarcus.com for a ticket. All right, and what do you got Liz? We got Vegas. Vegas tickets are on sale right now. What's the grin of? Where do you go?
Starting point is 01:54:37 Okay, bro, fifth. You can go to ComedyCellar.com and the lineups are there and you can get tickets there. Mike, hurry the fuck up. Let's go. See that? What? You broke this. Brunch.
Starting point is 01:54:47 You could have that. Line up. Line up. Wow. Man, you guys, we go. Big as lineup. And you can get tickets to ticket master. Jessica Kirsten Killa.
Starting point is 01:54:56 I tell Don again, Killa. I mean, that. Mo Killa. Right? That week is ridiculous. That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. It's gonna be a great weekend.
Starting point is 01:55:04 It's gonna be a great club. Brand new from scratch. It's beautiful. I's ridiculous. That's crazy. Ridiculous. Look, it's gonna be a great weekend. It's gonna be a great club, brand new from scratch. It's beautiful. I was there last week. It is, it's like you walk in, it's fucking breathtaking. And the real, and you're not right. Listen, here's the deal too. You're not right on the strip, but you're right there. Cause there's a comic, it just gets overwhelming.
Starting point is 01:55:19 You can chill, relax. It's gonna be great. It's fun, it's a little laid back. It's a good time. It shows a fucking great, the room's great, the casino's great. Yeah. Awesome.
Starting point is 01:55:26 Las Vegas. Yeah, so you get to tell all your friends. Comedy seller, please. Tell the world. Tell the world, everybody. Listen to this podcast. I want you to retweet this. Tell everybody, put it on your Facebook.
Starting point is 01:55:37 Take the ad. You see my ad, you see Comedy sellers ad. You put it out there, retweet it. Spread the word. We need all the support we can get for Comedy, Sell, Lost, Vegas, retweet, share, like, hit it all. I'll do whatever you want. No, you don't say that, yes. It's pretty cool, like a week 10.
Starting point is 01:55:54 I might. I might. I'm gonna have to. Yeah, you're gonna have to get. I'm gonna have to get, yeah. I'm gonna stuff suck in there. The discount, do they have knee pads on there? What I'm gonna fuck up.
Starting point is 01:56:02 Swat on. All right, what do we get? Marked on, what do you got? Hey, my God. I'm a squatting. Mm-hmm. Hi, what do we get? Mark knowing what you got. Hey, hey, I'm Jesus. Look at you. A lot of dates. What do you say?
Starting point is 01:56:11 You have a tour. No. I'm just trying. I got a big nut. I got to make every week. Yeah, you do. What are you doing? I own an apartment.
Starting point is 01:56:19 I'm gay. I got all kinds of stuff going on. So, help me. And I just started a new podcast with Kevin Brennan. I'm not going to get paid for the insurance on that. Help me and I just started a new podcast with Kevin Brennan No, yeah, a lot of days mark Norman commie commie got my pod Tuesdays with stories with you I love show oh I love show on May 5th. Yes at the village underground. God love you. Please come out. I don't know if we can sell it out So please help out New York City you'll sell sell it if they don't you they have curtains. Yep.
Starting point is 01:56:47 Yeah. We go down there and there's a nice hot room. You can cut it in fucking half quarters. Oh boy. Yeah so make sure you check them out Mark thanks coming on. Thanks for having fun. Both of you guys are my two of my favorite people one more than the other but I love both of you. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:57:02 All right so what do I got Mike? I'm gonna run. You all right I see you. Thank you. I understand. All right, so what do I got, Mike? Why are you? All right, I see you let him, buddy. Thank you so much, Ray. Let's take a photo, Ray. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. That's right, I'm gonna take a photo you face.
Starting point is 01:57:13 Stand up. I'm gonna plug you in. Hey, we got these guys right here. All right, you ready? Yeah, I just called Keith Banks. It's standing there. Take the thing off the back, make it black, the back behind him. That's right there, there. Take the thing off the back, make it black. The back behind him.
Starting point is 01:57:25 That's right there. Smile. I'll put him in. Okay, check it out, guys. I'm going to be all over the place. First of all, what do I have to plug? What was that thing I had to plug? Lathable. Lathable. Please, if you love podcast, make sure you go to laughable.com, download the app. It is the best app out there for. And make sure you search us. If you have laughable, listen to us on laughable. Make sure you check us out. Download the app. It's free. It's for podcasting. You will find so many more amazing podcasts from laughable. The laughable app. You'll be so surprised how much stuff you'll get to enjoy with just one little free app. Laffable.com, right? And the laughable app. make sure you check them out and what else we have well you have your dates
Starting point is 01:58:09 Oh, yeah dates. Yeah, good. Yeah, you're gonna be at Carl's in this weekend the Rochester New York You got the fat black next week comedy on Satan Madison awesome club gonna be there the 15 through 17 Back at the fat black treatment more dates Shakespeare's's Kalamazoo April 5th April 6th the tiger room in four I'm doing a I'm doing a mini-tour in Michigan Indiana and back to Michigan Shakespeare's Kalamazoo the tiger room in Fort Wayne Indiana and then planet amp theater in Ham track Mackle Michigan. You know San Francisco I love San Francisco. I'm doing so many great
Starting point is 01:58:46 rooms and then I'm actually headlining, I'm not headlining, I'm hosting Just For Laffes. The nasty show. Not the dirty show. It's I might have to go. Oh you got to go. We got to have a good time. Come on. I know. I might have to go. Yeah this I love Montreal. It's so fun. It's so much fun. Get your tickets, go to jessfelafs.com. Get your passes, get the so many great shows up there already. Make sure you check it out. Robacalylieve.com, I have so many dates. I just signed up for the Mike Calter cruise.
Starting point is 01:59:17 I'm doing that. I think Berk Rysher might go. And then I go right to side splitters and tan. I mean, I got a ton of shit. Go, I'm so pumped to date. I'm so pumped to date. You know, you're never gonna see me when I'm making tan. I mean, I got a ton of shit. Go, I'm never gonna do this. I'm so proud to see you. You're never gonna see me going, make money.
Starting point is 01:59:27 And listen, here's the deal. Go to my show. You see my ads, retweet them, spread the word, let everybody know that I'm coming to your town, support my comedy, live comedy. You guys are show up from my podcast. You hear this weekend, every weekend you live, motherfucker, YKW dude, show up. I love you so much. Bring your friends, you're awesome. Make sure you live motherfucker YKW dude show up
Starting point is 01:59:45 I love you so much bring your friends. You're awesome make sure you come up to me after the show every show I'm out there you want to say hi get a photo whatever you want. I'm always there to greet you mother fuckers at the end of the show I love you so much and also excuse me and when you take that picture tag I'm on rubber curly live Instagram or YKW dude podcast And if you have a Jackalor bushcraft knife, please sell it to me. And if you don't know what that means, it's not you I'm talking to. I thought you had one.
Starting point is 02:00:13 I didn't get one. But I am having a custom knife made by my other knife guy. Oh, you showed me that picture, right? No, no knife. I see my new knife. Who are you stabbing? I'm going hunting. I'm you stabbing? I'm not. I'm going hunting.
Starting point is 02:00:26 I'm going camping. I'm bush crafting. Back off. I'm just wondering if you're going to stab me. What is bush crafting? So they're trying to look it up last week and you got that. Oh, what the fuck was that? I got heads of bush.
Starting point is 02:00:37 I got bush crafted. Bushcraft is in crafting with trees and beets. Oh, yeah. Cool. You're bush crafting. If anybody has a blog down, it's what I mean, look, you don't like bush crafting? Why don't you want to come camping with me for a night?
Starting point is 02:00:50 No, I want to come. Lenny is shi-yod. Shi-yod. No. Why? A camping. Absolutely. I don't camp.
Starting point is 02:00:59 I'll take you in Moshe, Mike. You both want to go camping? Yes. What if we go camping and do a live podcast camping? Amazing. Have fun. You want to do that? I am not camping we go camping and do a live podcast camping? Amazing. Have fun. You want to do that? I am not camping.
Starting point is 02:01:08 Lenny, you come. No, it's exactly. No. No, wait. Did you get Zach and glasses? Oh. I can't deal with Zach's fucking duct tape glasses. Tell the people.
Starting point is 02:01:16 Tell them. Zach is where is Zach's show the world. Show the world. Show the world. Listen. Oh my god. I'm trying to get him. I'm trying to get him.
Starting point is 02:01:24 I'm trying to get him. He just don on riotcast.com. Click on it. All the money that gets donated for the next month to the PayPal account. Most people don't use it right now. But if you use a PayPal account, all the money will go to Zach's glasses. We're going to get Zach new glasses I'm embarrassed for him could I buy that? I'm lazy surgery at this point. It's like it was his birthday
Starting point is 02:01:51 If we raise it gets worse every day. It's worse if we raise more money Can we do that live could you live yes? Yes, yes, I was a Camping but I would totally go see that. Hit support. If you hit support, it brings you to my paypal account. Okay? And you can donate whatever you want. Please.
Starting point is 02:02:12 Zach's glasses the next month. Oh, laser eye surgery. Oh, if we raise enough money, we get laser eye surgery and we fill it. That's what's up. Even discount laser eye surgery. Throwing it out a pair of glasses. Can you laser eye surgery?
Starting point is 02:02:23 And we get the fuck of smash is shitty new glasses. Jesus, if high surgery. And we get to fucking smash his shitty new glasses. Jesus, it's all glasses. And you're a mess. First the fucking finger falls off, and now these glasses. Oh, the finger. It lives in a tiny house in Queens, too. Did you know that? You live where?
Starting point is 02:02:35 I'm kidding. Listen. Yeah, what else do we have? We have our Twitter. Right now, we have a Twitter poll about if you want to see Bobby and boss have a Radio show I think you know what a lot of people after this is the thing the bonfire. We did the bonfire together We've done a bunch of things together, but me and boss a lot of people are like dude you guys should do a radio show
Starting point is 02:02:57 You and boss should do a radio show you guys should be on serious. I Would love to do it. What do we got? Eight percent say, well, there you go people. There you go. There's 815 votes. How about that serious satellite? Take that and take that. That's 800 people that be listening. Well, you know, sure, there's an overnight hour that they can use to fill. I hope I hope all women men. That's been like three hours So I mean yeah, well there you go. I would love I think it's true. I mean him on radio I did just stuff about it. Anyways, I think I hope all women men races
Starting point is 02:03:41 Creads and colors. We all just get along. Oh Can't we just all get along? Can't the Mexicans, right? You guys Mexicans, the women, the white women, the liberal little white trashy, you know, God. Are you looking at Gabby as you say that? That's the me.
Starting point is 02:03:57 The white women that think they know it all, but they really haven't lived life yet and have no. This feels personal. Uh-huh. Ha, ha. I, you know, I just hope that we can all get along. Sure. The old, crudgy women, the old ones that, you know, just, just from like the 50s with that attitude.
Starting point is 02:04:18 The little, you know, the men, the feminine men. I'm not looking at you. The feminine men with hips and the wrap up of the show. I gotta go. I gotta go. Longer than my podcast. Can I go? Shitty, no you can't go.
Starting point is 02:04:31 I got work to do. Oh one more thing. Shitty, shitty. Let's go. I love you guys. You know what? Thanks for listening. See you next week.
Starting point is 02:04:39 You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás!
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