Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Festival Chicken

Episode Date: June 22, 2015

Robert is joined by Lenny Marcus, Mike Lawerence, Derek Gaines and Casey Balsham, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill. RiotCast.com   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night. Con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 rados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? You know what, dude. On the RiotCast Network.

RiotCast.com. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a costophile. It's podcast. podcast, no rules. I'm gonna go to the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic? No, that's the fuck.

That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and he happens. Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. That's how it all holds. That love doing it Side to the coin The day my podcast is popular I might affect somebody's life. You never know And we're back with another, wow, really got fucking quiet.

It's not like we should just play that music the whole time. I felt like I was like, I have nothing to say. You sent it with a pack. It was such a great opening by D-Poo. I was watching it. I was like, oh my God, I just want to do that more. Dude, can we just do openings all day? Come on with the other ideas.

Bam, bam, bam, bam. Fucking pan in on the Z and Lenny. Is that a fucking nice tag of yours. Wow. That's how we start the show. Yeah, that's Patrice O'Neill's hat. Little, I would say a memorial to my fucking palsy walsy, Patrice O'Neill, his photo.

My mother actually gave me that photo when he passed away and that little thing. And then that's the hat right there that his mom, his family sent to me. We all, all of his friends, because you know, he went through his hat phase. Mm-hmm. You know, I wish he went through a leather jacket phase. Maybe a brightling phase.

We all get brightlings. I, uh, nothing. Fucking hilarious. Fucking hat phase. Why did my mic just get smoke and hot? It is loud, right? This one feels loud. Yeah, they're all loud.

Something just happened. We're gonna redo this whole system. No, it is loud. It's, it's, it's, it is loud. I'm a boss right now. Very boss. I don't know what happened. Did you just do something?

I did nothing, Bobby. It's all scopo. I don't know what happened. Did you just do something? I did nothing Bobby It's all scopo. It's all scopo. Anyways, we Yeah, that's his hat and I put it in that little thing right there. Oh, did you ever wear it? I Put it on but you can see his sweat. He's worn it his sweat is inside there if we would do like a Jurassic Park with fucking comedians Crazed for trees. Oh, yeah, no Does anybody else have any like the real Jurassic Park movie? He just fucking ruin it. He can back with what the fuck? Hey fat motherfucker goddamn it You sitting right there. What's up, Mikey? Well, I like that shirt you son of a bitch. Where'd you get that?

All right, I was speaking to the microphone. What about the fucking detrain? That's a great shirt. There it is. Yeah. Talking about Patrice O'Neil, little shrine I made up for him there. I just talked to his mom yesterday. She's so funny.

She makes me laugh. God damn, she makes me laugh. I mean, I talked to her like a fuck, like I talked to him. She's that funny. She'll call me out on my shit. I remember she, she, on Max's birthday, she texted, but you know, I was a little fucking crazy that day. You were good host, you were really good.

Well, I gotta talk about this, this son of a bitch. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Anyways, she texted me, I, you know, I didn't text her back, I called her yesterday. And she didn't say anything we're talking for a while and then all of a sudden I was like, look, I know, I was supposed to, she goes, yeah, you were. That was two weeks ago. And I texted, she knew all about it, didn't bring it up, but called me the fuck out. Two weeks ago, Bobby, I texted you.

You didn't fuck me, you called me back two weeks later. I was like, yeah, but I'm a mitten, and she goes, that don't mean shit. I was like, oh, I don't know, but tree's got this. You should've, you could've called her when you told her it took you two weeks to dry off from that barbecue. Wow, what's the fucking stinker? Fuck, what was it, is the Mary Telemore podcast?

Whatever, yeah, she was just, oh. She's like, first I watched my sunday, now I watch that joke die. Yeah, you had it. It was on yours. I'm going to keep it on the floor. Actually, you made the bomb band-in to fall off my microphone on the floor. Jesus Christ. I'm building a shrine for that joke. I love Mike's eye. Yeah, Mike comes in with shit I'll put it on the fridge on top of on patrises All right, so listen, I just snuck out of that one

I made it serious at the end. No band-and-dance just crawls back to you. I know where I belong. Like Sponscape. Like Sponscape. Nice. I know that you'd be the only one who laugh at that, because you'd be the comic book fan. All right, so excuse me really quick. Once you go around the room and introduce everybody,

D-Poo. I mean, not D-Poo, Scopo. It's very similar. I'm a little out of I mean, not depo, scopo. It's very similar. I'm a little out of it today, and I'll tell you why later. I just need a time to think of an excuse. I want to think of a good life. All right, to my right, we have Mike Lawrence. Hey.

Hey, thanks. Hey, thanks. I'm good. Yeah, I think it's going all right. Yeah, thanks a good. I mean, really good? No. Okay. That's good. Very again. I mean really good. No, okay. Okay

Very mediocre I love comics because if you're an actor you're like no, it's awesome great thing. What's stuff going on? I'm doing this one-man show off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off. It's off off Broadway where the real magic is. People do say that, they do say that. I know. That's where everything happens. Underground theater. And then they get asked to be a hyena of the lion king. And they just give up everything. Oh, first of all, I want to show, I want to admit this. I saw the lion king around 10 years ago. My wife got tickets and the opening when they all come out.

I'm a dumb, that's it. Yeah. I fucking cried. I started a wife here. I fucking te. I- Circle of life, yeah. I fucking teared up and I don't know why. I don't know if it was so amazing. It's beautiful. That the elephant, there was like a giraffe next to me.

I'm actually when it had been, if that was like the sex you had that created your son. Like if you went home after seeing the circle of life. For a length. Yeah, that's deep. No, that wasn't it. I think I told you the night. Oh my God, this is gonna be all day. I went to Boneroon, 80 piece of chicken, and I've been fucked up ever since. And I could be dying.

This could be really my fourth to last podcast. Festival chicken. You never eat festival chicken is never you never eat festival chicken or festival pussy Same burp. Yeah, it tastes like it tastes like Chicken is gonna be a sailor might a gas. Yeah, it do taste the same. You know fucking dirty grill There's nothing like festival pussy I haven't shouted for days when I eat my box. I'd rather have you shit on my chest The way to flies go on it the maggots grow and then eat that. That's what I'm gonna be gravy nurse this pussy back to health I don't know what that meant but I like gravy. Maybe he was from the original woodstock He was the guy would help people To ask a snap effect for you. Yeah,, I might know that stuff. That's the facts

Right. Hey Mike. This isn't that podcast Yeah, W. Yeah, this is the birth podcast. This isn't we like it weird or whatever Whatever fucking you made it weird and I was on episode 30 Sorry You just made it weird Really that was fucking the one that ended the fun it weird. Really that was fucking the one that ended the fun. The little cute pond I just made. Anyways this show is plateaued I don't know if you've heard of it. Yeah. Anyway so we got Mike who I love who I met at the pit one night. Yeah. So I

forget what what age in a who was bringing you down I think it was Brian. Yeah. Yeah, he used to be my manager. Yeah, he was your manager. He's like this what happened with that All right, stop stop as the greatest way we're good friends. I'm going to his wedding this year It's the greatest way to say he's I got a better manager. It's stopped it stopped Things happen. Yeah, your career took off. Yeah. You dumped your friend, you cocksucker.

Basically. You know, you can have 10% of fucking nothing right now if you were a good man. Yeah. You're gonna have a nice wedding gift, sorry. So you still friends with him? Took me seven and a half years to leave McDonald's and three and a half years to leave him.

That's probably the part that hurts the most. It's progress though. You're getting better. You're next-manage you will leave in a fucking year. A new year. I actually like Brian. He works with just Phil Afs. Not he's a great dude. Great guy. Awesome guy.

Awesome guy. And who else do we got, Scopo? Lenny Marcus is back. Yep. Lenny. How are you? Popular demand. I don't know if it was popular.

I think demand. Demand. We needed somebody for that to be. Yeah, I need that. I was just happy to have lunch with you. We have lunch every Tuesday. We do. I don't know if you guys know this.

Tuesdays with Lenny? Tuesdays with Lenny. That's my new podcast. I have nine million listeners. It's very much so. He's sure booking us on this one. Yeah, every Tuesday after therapy, at 130, I get done. Do you go talk about your therapy that you had with Alan with Lenny?

Sometimes. I was going to say no, but I guess sometimes. Sometimes? Well, dude, that's not their business. Never. Sometimes. No, we do sometimes. Do you try to get his confidence to wear shorts? Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha.

So every Tuesday, right across the street, there's a fine little Jewish deli. And we meet there. I'm always on time. He's always one minute, two minutes late. He lives on the fucking block. He's always late. You know me with time.

What the fuck do you have to do? I was in the bank. I was in the fucking block. He's always late. I got you know me with time. What the fuck do you have to do? I was in the bank. I was in the post office. So I'm a minute late. Sue me It just makes me happy that he's running always sweaty. It was sweaty today. I love it any so we every every Tuesday We have lunch together till two 15 and then I leave abruptly To come down here. So I make it here on time. But today you came with daddy. You came down in the Honda Pilot. It's take your Lenny to work day.

Take your Lenny to work day. You get to see what daddy does for work. That's right. Yeah. He burps into a microphone. There it is. I have fucking festival chicken. Those of you all that know.

One of your therapists talked to you about that. That's the that's that's it today was a fucking good one same Pete home doesn't burping I don't know on his podcast how it's turned us yeah he's more famous I just love that somewhere someone someone's like oh like someone really hates burps yep me cut it out Cut it out. Is it really you? It's disgusting. What is that? I speak for everybody by the way. No, you don't. Yes.

There's nobody going, oh wow. Could he keep doing this? Who's offended? They're just a little weak. Not a fairness. What do you mean? You got one? I don't have one.

I got to bring the rest of this coffee. Really? You need coffee? I'm finishing. I can go. Let me hear it. Can you burp? Let me hear it. Are you one another one another fucking no, that was like one of those eighth grade talents. What the fuck was that even scobos looking at me funny? Let me do it again. Do it again

What the fuck is now I know please do it again. It's like you're speaking a fucking like another Amazon language a fucking like another Amazon language. I was like you're trying to talk to Will so Vids. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, Jesus. So, how is Haitian? He's not even. You don't even took him to Haitian.

You don't click him. You don't click him. I don't even think the kitchen goes up in the kitchen. We'll just go up in the bathroom. Why you? It's up. But it's not. It's up.

It's up. It's up. It's up. It's up. It's up. It's up. It's up and up and up. We'll just go up and up. Why you? It's up, but it's not. It's up. It's like that. It's fresh. Well, the fuck, how did you make that so far?

I'm listening. I watch group barns a lot. Yeah. He's fucking good. That's my man. Goddamn, he's good. He's very funny. So, all right, who else do we got here, baby?

We have Casey Bolstrom back back back by Actually, I had a lot of people wanted you back. Oh really? Two but the two and then the one guy that called me a whole so I All three of you You're way more than a whole. Thank you One did say you were hot. Hey, thanks I'm writing Does that bother you that Someone says you're hot.

I mean, I don't think, no, it doesn't bother me. I think that would make me happy. If I was a woman and what are you making that face for? Jesus Christ. Yeah, we definitely make you happy. Why wouldn't it make you happy? Why would it not? That's nice.

Oh, of course. It makes up for, I will tell you, the first time I ever, I had like some stupid video online. And it was like before I moved something, anyway, it was a dumb joke that I had to tell for college and it ended up being the thumbnail on E-bombsworld. You know, that awful sight. And it was an awful street joke.

And there was 25 pages of people saying, why isn't she making me a sandwich? Why didn't she kill her son at the end of this joke? A whole lot of stash, but bitch. So, like, you fast? So that was, but bitch. So, what you think? Were you fast? So that was, I mean, I guess I had a little baby fat on my face, but- Did you have a mustache?

Yeah, I mean, I've had a mustache most of my life until I burned it out of my face and then tattooed it on my fingers, so like no big deal. Wait a minute, fucking stop. My dad thinks I'm crazy. Stop for one second. Yeah. I need you to stop. Look, one of the things that I need to do on the show

is fucking, when I find a nugget, I need to stop and fucking pay. That's a joke, she just ran the same nugget. You said nugget, that's a joke. You said nugget, you said nugget. I said nugget. You said nugget. It was like a mix.

That's in a snicker. No, not that nugget. That's nugget, nugget, but whatever, nugget. That's Nugget, I Nugget, but whatever. Nugget is a book. I say Nugget. If it's food, how can I say that? You know that stuff that you find under like an Italian grandma is armpit, a nugget.

It's a nugget. A nugget. Yeah. Well, my fucking, my father's mother, original dad had those on our armpits. I remember, she used this cook sauce. Where's she's the fantasizing falling in? Ew.

No. Chewing on a nugget. Listen, so you had a mustache. I had a mustache. I know we need to stop. Did you really tattoo it on your finger because you had one? It was kind of one of those things that we were running around

and it was fun, but I'm wrong. I part that my dad was like, I literally spent $1,000 burning it out of your face in high school and then you just fucking tattooed it. Why did you have a mustache? Was it like hereditary? Like, you should be in a circus. Like, you're Mexican?

No, like, I'm not any kind of weird like Harry race. Like, I'm literally like, I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. There's another no get. Let me say that. Not you, there's no need.

I said the same thing. I like that tattoo. That's like, like, if you die and that's fun for the corner, he'll look at that and be like, oh, that's like like if you die and that's that's fun for the corner He'll look at that and be like oh that's quirky Hey, have you been this is bar before? No make me a sandwich The botla did it in the living room. He's like oh, yes from e-bombs world I don't have to fresh living room. He's like, oh yes, from e-bombs world. Oh, that's the fact, bitch. The din game.

I don't have to fresh. So you had a full flu. Now, is this a girl mustache? Oh, is it a like a holy shit? I like this girl, but I can't date it because she has a mustache. My crush from kindergarten to sixth grade. And like literally said to my friends, I could never kiss her.

My braces would get stuck in her mustache. Wow. And then yeah. It also doesn't take much for kids to say mean thing. Oh yeah. That's so. That's it. Not if you have a mustache.

No, I'm not that one. I'm not that one. I'm not that one. Mustache or like me mustache or scopo's not. It was so my face is like, you know, I have fair skin like red cheeks, but it was like, I mean, you could see it. It was black hair that you wore. So you didn't need the sun to be in a certain day,

time of day. No. And I used to bleach it, but then it would just come back and speckled. Like it was just a very, oh, you said it. So it had roots every like once a month. Yes.

Like like a middle-aged man. Yeah, I still get laser on my face all the time. Like I just, it's one of those things that I think, you know, I just am hairy, but I wanna tell you, I don't know. I'm married to my chick, and I love her, and she was like, she, hang on. Fuck you.

Yeah, at the preface like that, here it comes. No, first of all, I just don't like the way you're sitting. I'm freezing the death. You have the thing blowing on me. How are you? Oh, you're such a... Do you have a black-ass? What's the wrong use of that word? Can you please get him the the Ryke cast blanket? I'm gonna get you a blanket. Thank you. But you have to use a Ryke

cast. We have to brand. That's why I bomb. I want to use this This little towelette. So my wife and this will happen to you know you guys are young. It's the first time this podcast has been comforting to someone. Well done. Lenny, you had to net around. Well, we get our spacing again. Yeah, you're fine.

That's why you're not going anywhere in your career. We have your website. It just doesn't say I have nothing. More of a flat tire. I bailed. I pulled a shoe before I landed with a crapper. I don't know I have nothing. Oh, thank you. More of a flat tire. I bailed. I pulled a shoe before I landed with a crapper. I don't know what to do. I'm like, I picked on saying your career has.

So either way you get dead. I think I'm getting staff infection. There's something wrong with me. And I'll explain why later. OK. Are you happy now? You really look like you're at a home. I am.

Like I took my friend from a home. You're really setting up this illness later and it's like, oh, I had another piece of festival chicken. Like, what happened? So anyways, my wife, I went on the bathroom like a week ago, we were going to some event, and she wanted to look great and look, my wife said that's the Titian for you. She's been in that whole scene, waxing and all that stuff. And I went to the bathroom and she was waxing her upper lip.

And I was like, what the fuck are you doing? She goes, I have waxing. I go, you have, you have them. You didn't know. I go, she's not, she's not burnt rentals like you. I'm sorry. She's like, carry OS in the Princess bride. There's little with me, little with me. So she, she's like, I got a little, I got a little, my sister's like, so what's gonna happen when you're like 80 or something?

And you can't wax this stuff. It's just you're gonna have to fucking either deal with it or wax it. And I'm like, listen, this isn't, I don't want to wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait true, very true. First of all, what's up with you? All you guys, go fuck yourself. We're on iPhone 6 Plus. By then, they'll have fat fucking dude pill and I'll be able to come back down. There you go. There's the future.

It's the future. We can't. We fly in cars too. How great would it be that they come out with a pill where I would grow my hair back and lose weight and I could be sexy Bob again I'll rule the fucking world Everybody in here want to suck my dick even depot Yeah, but then you would write the jokes of an attractive person. Haha. Why do those suck?

There's no place of conflict. They've never they've never had to try it really is it's a shitty thing. If you can look in the mirror and be happy, you can't be funny. Well, it's worse when attractive people do self-deprecation and it's like, no, we see it. Like, yeah, it's like the Rachel Dole's a little comedy when someone's like, oh, Mugley, they're like, no, you're fine. Yeah, yeah, that's hard.

And you see their head shot and they do like that fucking like that wink You know and then they go on stage like oh, I'm a mess. No, you're fine Yeah, it's tough it's tough to watch especially when I'm a fucker You think you now see here is it here's a difference in this room on anybody who I would think now I'm excluding you because you're a woman okay, and I don't want to hurt your feelings. I know Totally are you feeling I love this, but I'm totally hurt you feeling. I love that you admitted you as a mustache. It's fucking the greatest thing ever.

Which you could just grow back to deflect his words. I could, will they? Yeah, I could. Can you grow back some digits? No, they're not like that. I can grow some of them. How would if they would need you to do a for a role? Like a really big role?

Can you get a chin strap? I was like a monster, like a shawley sterron type, and you had to get full stuff. You had to win an Oscar, but you had to grow your mustache back. Well, if I'd stopped plucking the straggler ones, it would be a be weird, okay, let's do it. We are in New York.

We are my roles. We're in the New York comedy scene. It's safe for you to grow back from mustache. You're welcome to one of us. I'm so worried about that later in life to look over and just see like, at a barbecue at my wife in our 60s And just see that rogue hair coming off her chin

You know, I just like I gotta I gotta hey guys how you doing look over there and then pluck it real quick What the fuck was that just show her Fucking long route with a ball on the end of it. I've had one chest hair that grew here and choose to like Plug it every couple of months and we make a wish on the end of it. I've had one chest hair that grew here and chews to like pluck it every couple of months and we make a wish on it. It's something I had a hottest chick ever, a blonde chick. I would have that in a way, then here I am at this podcast, so the hair works. I brought it.

I wish that Lenny would never be cold again. Nice in here. I have this beautiful girl. I tried to get for so long. She was so hot. I finally hooked up with her room, my house, on my futon. There you go, boy. And I remember I took her, it was in the afternoon with fucking

around. I took her shirt off and her tits were remarkable. And I remember I just looked and I saw a fucking hair on her nipple Jesus Christ had to be six inches long This fucking thing. I should have I I just should have said I should have saved it. I should have made a bracelet out or a keychain I should have done like an hearing Some like a pendant and just help wrap their like kept it around my neck

It's one of the feathers in the Patrice It was I literally I remember pulling it and I remember like this This is a hair from her head and I went to pull it and her tit pulled out like like I remember her skin was pulling out with it I was just doing I went pluck I actually adhere like a piano and I was pinging me and I remember my sweaty splash back down he went back down I was like then she went this is what she did this was bug me the

worst she went oh sorry she appalled like you knew yeah that so you've been you've been growing this Rapunzel Fucking at least eight months you've been growing this hair titty, but wait you pulled out and not even a Ow No, no, not a now it just went plucked and I pulled it out. I just wish I kept it I wish I could pull it out of my wallet right now You know what probably the I can be myself around him fuck that she had and then Well, that was the last time And here's what else I found out about it. She had a tooth growing on the roof of her mouth Oh, so we went to kiss and she went listen. I have a tooth. So I apologize for that

And I was like, well, yeah, I we all have teeth. She goes no right here Ha, and she pointed and there was a fucking like a dead twin growing off her fucking roof room It was a fang tooth, too Oh wow, what's your planister? What the fuck the shark team? I know she just had it I have to say this every time but where did you grow up again? That was one horrid What toxic bars weird don't have eyes town. Where you going? Some people have hair on the teeth and teeth and they fucking you've never had a chick have a weird thing

Never Like back wing labial like no toenail like no toenail and baby toe Nobody has that no woman has that fucking cut them and paint them sticking them in a fucking high heel shoe has that fucking fucking cut them and Peyton I'm sticking them to fucking high heel shoe. Nothing really weird. This is a lot of fat. Yeah, I fucked around fat chicks in my 20s. So that's that's all that what's fat though.

Well, how big? Well, if you had to make that sound, like my I was going my big. All right. No, oh, Mike's big. All right. The latest one because I had to see if I actually liked it. She was bit where my feet were off the bed.

Big. So yeah, I've done that. That's the that's the first one. I've done that. Feed off the best starfish type shit. I, yeah, I've done that. I've done that. We talked about that at my house. I, I had a sex with a fat chick in the huge, uh, it's in the MTV contract. You can no longer be relatable in fuck fat chicks. I can't. Where's, where's the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that I'll find you a little thing with Carl Daxon Carl Keith Robinson ask him what he's saying Damn I'm jammed Are we talking about Sam Houston State?

Sam Houston State Huntsville, Texas Huntsville, Texas has the most prisons uh the way you say that Fun's time Then at the other state The way you say that

I just fuck a bike I just fuck a bike So I'm there and it's in all black college and I hooked up with this black girl. She was a big girl, man She was I remember she was just eating my Doritos on the end of the bed No, she was I had a big bag of big bag of Doritos. What do you mean what do you just get to whistle? It's like it was a bus romantic Literally eating cheat. I remember I had those pullaway basketball sweatpants on.

Okay, okay, but the buttons on the side, yeah. When she was done eating, she grabbed it one by the ankle and just ripped them off. Is she white her hands with it? Started jerking me off with a Dorito hand. Remember, my dick was orange. No way. My dick smelled like cheese.

It ain't easy. And she tasted like cool ranch. But that's good. Porridge? Wow. I would thought curds and way if we were going to go that way. Anyway. I remember I tried to get on top of her and I was like being on upside down canoe.

Like by the end of that. I kept having to go to one side. It's a goddamn moon bounce. I remember I held her tits, one tit with two hands. And I just picked them up and let it drop. It was just like, I remember her fucking Ariola. No hairs though. No hairs.

A lot of stretch marks. Her Ariola and that chocolate chip, that's part around the level. It was fucking massive. It's like somebody ran over a regular nipple Like a Warner Brothers Like a Roger Roberts scene on Roger Rabbit When they threw the fucking thing up once well, what's the craziest shit that chicks ever met with you? Have any fucked up shit? consent the craziest shit a chick's ever met with you. Have any fucked up shit? Consent.

Uh, I don't know. I've had, I think I've had sex with like four people, including my wife. Really? Really? That's really good, man. That would be, I say, back when I was younger, what are you fucking pussy?

But to me, where I'm at having to bang all these chicks I've banged in my life. Oh, hard shit. I've done I'd rather have that than what you know a ton of chicks I never hang on. I'm kidding I'm kidding I never I never drank or I never drank I never drank or smoked so I had to really fucking earn it. Yeah, no shit We're looking right at you, man. Yeah. I know. There's a camera. No.

Sober ladies, man. They ain't easy. I don't drink either. Take out the whole out of it. Well, when you look like a fly a bush plane in Alaska, it doesn't make it. You can trim up a little bit. Hey, I could have been the co-pilot on Conair. There you go. How about you? How about any crazy fucked up guys? You can trim up a little bit. Hey, I could have been the co-pilot on Conair. Very good boy.

How about you? How about any crazy fucked up guys? What's the worst physical defect? The worst physical defect? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I say what's more, like you can. She was with a guy who couldn't grow a mustache.

Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot more. They complete each other. They're in the tub. You have a tough,e guy out of shape. You have to go under it a little bit. You got to go with. You got to go with the hair. With the grain. Oh, my god. Damn, Casey. Damn. Sorry, guys. I mean, it's just you get you get certain things in life and my lot was. I love that you I love that you admitted. How

fucking great is that? It's just part of me. I think when I was younger it was something, but now I'm just like, I'm a fucking hoogers. Well, yeah, I'm a little bit of a car as you do. Really? I think the weirdest thing, I don't know if it's so much as weird defects, but smelly smelly smelly smellyness.

I can't deal with like, being around something and like, I know a guy who likes that. Really? I know a guy who likes actually a chick with a little B.O. Yeah I I like some hormones or something it's well some people this that smell I don't know something with it that they I know I I dated a girl a long time ago had a little smelly pits yeah and I never liked it and then my friend was like I love that and then I was like

let me just love my buddy my, and he called, GAMEY, he flipped me a little bit. He flipped me a little bit, because then I smelled it and I was like, oh, this bitch don't care. You know what I mean? And I mean, it's like, it's like I never used to like oysters until somebody said,

I was watching a TV show, one of those travelers. And he's like, look, I know people think they're gross, but if you think of it as tasting the ocean, it's another and it changed my my brain Psychologically enough to be able to have an oyster to go fuck with. I really like these. It is oh my god

It's like the ocean. It's like eating the ocean and a load at the same time. Okay, so how would I Like present that to you chick with, that would be okay for you. A chick with a mustache? First of all, I've dated chicks, a lot of chicks, with mustaches. I've dated somebody said to you that's what I'm saying. It's like, you know, you ever wanna be in the wild west? You ever wanna be in the wild west?

You ever wanna fuck Doc holiday? Yeah. Yeah. You see, that's what Shinibert like shows like, Game of Thrones, they should all have like moustaches and be covered in dirt and Tom makes me you're absolutely right. Yeah, yeah, yeah last last Sunday They showed spoiler alert for you fucking douchebags who don't watch shows the night of you haven't seen it I don't watch any of it. That's great. I didn't say fucking curmudgeon alert

I don't watch television. Sorry, only douchebag alerts. It is like I found out it brings joy to people. That's right. Well, they have the woman walking through the whole town nude and she takes off her, even her box, they show in her box. Yeah, it's thirsty. And I'm like, that's a, for that time,

that's a pretty trimmed box. Oh, yeah I was I mean it was so perfect. There would be a lot more hair. She royalty though. Yeah, but everyone like the whores and all that every single Person there's an episode a few weeks ago where there was like a girl in the prison one of the sand snakes and she's like Showing her nipple show and it like, you're in a fucking prison. Like think about like, you had to like go down to a lake to wash off back then, so everyone would just be covered in comb all the time. You get combed on, you're like, I don't watch this off.

You know, right? Yeah, but they have, first of all, if you're getting combed on for a living, you're gonna have a bucket to clean. There's gonna be a comb. on for a living, you're gonna have a bucket to clean. There's gonna be a cum, but if you're gonna have a cum, right? Even the bucket's dirty. They're all gonna look like glaze doughnuts.

No, dude. So, is Game of Thrones just jizzing mud? My nigga, it should be. It should be based on what happens. There's a cum guy. There's definitely a cum guy. There's no way. There's no way.

Yeah, there's a cum guy who washes the come off. But here's my problem with the show, is that, and Lord Squeegee. It's a squeegee. A ejaculatory sanitation. There wasn't a question mark in the end of that. There was a statement. It was just a comma, and I was getting to it.

There was a dot, dot, dot. Okay. Go ahead. Somebody's learning grandma. Somebody's from Twitter. I'm stopping you. I know. I was keeping you with the beat.

I know, but you wanted me to, I went too long. I'm back in the end. Yeah, yeah. You get fucking rhythm, dude. Do it again. It's as close as he's getting rapping. I'm rapping. I'm rapping.

Graham. There you go. All day. Rappin' to the mic. I look at Lenny, he's in my sight. I got the bench with the stash and the guy with the fro. All of a sudden, I wanna go to the arcade. Kelly podcast.

Kicking it all day. That's the way my forecast comes in with some rain and a little shine. You lost me. You lost me. you lost me. I'm sorry. This was a segment on the show whose bomb is it anyway. Oh god. Fruture Wayne Brewer.

That was more uncomfortable than police videos. Jesus. There we go. I liked it. I know you did. I push you, dude, you're fucking, you freaking Oscar the Grumps. You won't watch Game of Thrones, you know like, I'm like, I'm fucking kidding. Helped as much as I could, Mom.

So what's your brother, Game of Thrones? Lenny lives in a trash can. You don't know. I liked it. It smelled and it sucked. I liked it. There's Oscar the Grouches and Lenny the agreeable. Yeah.

Yeah, I think Game of Thrones with the chick with the titties and And the the chair, you know, they were throwing all kinds of shit on her and all that stuff. I don't know What are they gonna do? Are they gonna let they can't be historically correct? I mean, okay When did when people shit back then right there was no toilet paper correct? No, are you sure? toilet paper was created in like I know this is a mythical world. No, toilet paper was created in like the 1920s. Like that's what it wasn't. No, yes.

So what was it like leaves? What was it? What was it using for leaves, hands? Man. Oh, man. Oh, it was like cloth. OK, I've got religious books that people you disagreed with.

Yeah, there you go. I want to ask you a question. Now, Michael, because you can answer this. Demolition man. So far so long. Great. The three shells. What the fuck does the three shells do? You can explain it. I never knew. Hang on one second. First of all, scuba, don't jump in on my question. I've been wanting to know that for years. I did too. That's why I'm asking it. now you're jumping in. Like, you're taking too long, Bob. You're right, it's true to that. All right, what's the, I haven't seen a while,

is that how they wiped their asses? Yeah, they go to the bathroom, it's a three seat shelf. Can somebody in the chat room please, maybe they spray water like a bidet? Debo, do you know? When toilet paper started? Oh, gosh.

When did toilet paper start? 1920s. 1920s, really? So what did we do before that? I know a lot of shit. What did we do before then? We just fucking dealt with it power. Apparently. You don't know all shit. You just know some stuff I knew it in bed with paper and you're not impressed father. Hey said 10. Okay, you were 10 years off

I said the 20s. Yeah, but you could have fuck me if I was on it want to be a millionaire would have lost a Few of my life line 19 1910, 1910. I never said that. I said, he said 20. He said 20. Oh, sorry. You just weren't listening. I wasn't.

Like you always do, father. Listen, first of all. I want to, what do we do before, what do we use? Well, with squatting, they always squat it on toilets, right? Who's talking? Oh, deep, what did you get confidence? What confidence?

Happy to be here. Until like 1900. That was a different company voice. Like, your work was really shitty back in the day. It was a more shout out. It was like 50%. Because what would happen, like the horses would come, I mean, the doctors would come off of horses to deliver the babies and their hands would be all fucking

smelling full of horse shit. And the fucking babies would die immediately. Yeah. It wasn't until like about a hundred or so years ago that Monor medicine and all that stuff came into play and a silly sanitation. Yeah, sanitation. Yeah, I mean think about how clean what that's a good show the Nick That shows great. What is that? There you go the Nick is why do you say it like we're against you? You work against me. you're all against me you

Against every time a throws that in watching what do you want for me Lenny? I'm not thank you there But the Nick is exactly what you're talking about Mike's talk about good explain to him It's like the medicine at the turn at the turn of the century. Yeah Is that a show? Yes, on my channel show time it and like the first black doctor and stuff. Yeah Black doctors They have black doctors now Dr. Dre Make

That was fast Lenny have you ever moved with a girl the defect a Defect now. I don't think there was any defects. I have one girl's I can call and ask them What happened you have one girl what no I had sex with one girl she got up and immediately threw up Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. I don't know that was dinner or just me. She had a festival chicken That was dinner or just me. She had a festival chicken. That's the bull chicken. She had a festival chicken. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

That's the bull chicken. So you banged in a meat, how meaty? How meaty? I'd say two minutes. In the bathroom or on the floor? I think she made it to the bathroom. So she got up, you get done fucking. Yeah, the bathroom's closed.

OK, she had done fucking. Yeah. She had banging. Yeah, right? You on top or she on top? Little of both. Really? of both really who was on top last Jesus goes back a long way Remember it's only been fucking eight chicks I think it was her on top. Oh, she's fucking asshole. Yeah, who does that at the end? You don't let her finish you get you flip him over and fucking dig it dig it

She's on top. Okay. She's on top going, you lose my bitch. And you're going, me, me, okay, and then, and then do you make a, you're making it way better than it was, I think. So your eyes closed and you're looking to the last. All right. Yeah. I was squinting because I didn't have my glasses on.

He's like this. Yeah. So he's like a lost child. He was fucking her fast. He's like, I'm gonna be late to fucking lunch with Bobby. That's right. That's why he's like a lost child he was fucking her fast. He's like I'm gonna be late to fucking lunch with Bobby That's right. That's why he's always a minute late. So yeah, Lenny got good guys one second one second Take that for you for shit minute late joke, and here's for your rap I didn't get it. Why did I get it? Oh my rap. That was a good rap. You can't judge art. You can't judge art

That's a producer shout up to the producer. Shut up to the producer. I'm just fucking fucking doing this up over there. I don't even know what rap was. That's how old I am. What's a rap? Oh. That was a sandwich.

Is that what you ate sandwich? I fucking did. That was a sandwich. What was that? I got like this. That was honestly. First of all, stop trying to get rid of your clock so I can own it.

All right, stop being a pussy. That's all right. I'm saying the truth. You definitely won't lose the sandwich. Give it another 30 seconds. I did. Yeah, it's not staying there long. You're unfired today.

I love what it is like giving it a 30 seconds. I'll come up with something. I'll come up with something. I'll come up with something. So you have insects. Yeah. Now, do you come? Do she come?

She didn't. I'm not even asking that because I know she didn't. You came. What do you want to ask? And she gets up. Do she go, I go, yeah she go, I got to do the, yeah, well she got to look, turns like a little bit green. So she was, this is after dinner.

So dinner sucks. Did she say sorry and leave? Or did you rub her back? Or did you just sit and go, make sure you don't puke out. You got mad at her. Don't puke on my new rug. Well, I tried not to laugh about it, Mitt, in the hand.

You were laughing? I was, I mean, you got to take care of it first, but it's funny. Now, this is just a random check, are you girlfriend? At the time, we had seen each other for a while. No shit. So I know this girl. No.

OK. A little trick I tried to convince. I tried to catch you. I remember I met a girl at a red light. Later, at late at night, she was in her car. I'm at a red light. I had a red light. She I looked over She was so beautiful. I was like, oh my god, and I got her number I was like let me get you number and I called she went my house the next night Late and we were making out and she was a beautiful Greek girl

I started making out and I felt like whiskers and I was like oh shit It shit, it's me, it's me, it's me, it's me. Because I didn't shave, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, you know, whatever. So we kissed a little bit and we stop after a real passionate, dirty kiss and then we stop and she leaves. So I invite her back the next time and I shave, close as a motherfucker. I have the best shave.

You can't feel a whisker. And we start kissing and I'm like, oh, this is a stick. She has a fucking mustache, dude. A beard, a beard, a mustache, sideburns. And then we start fucking around and the hair came from her fucking couch up her hole, up her butthole, up her fucking smaller back. Happy Trayot.

Well, reverse that hair. It's not happy for anybody. That's a catapillar. That's awful, trip. Well, reverse happy for any of the other. Reverse happy trip. That's awful. It's a caterpillar. That's what that's called? I think so. Cool.

Hey, Casey. She's sold it. Yeah, she's sold it. You should have sold it. I think, well, I'm not typically sold it. I think I think Greek woman is what that's called. That's a good call.

Yeah, you honestly be like, what's wrong with that? That's the way they're supposed to happen. What are you gonna hold on to while you're fucking them? You hold that hair. That's a lot of hairy girls. Oh, dude. You have to like that's it Where did you meet the one in Houston? What do you mean? Well the gigantic Houston woman did you get her out of one of those local prisons? No, I was at a college I was doing a college with uh... with uh... with uh... tracy morgan

and dean uh... david edwards being no not david no not dean uh... david who's a guy the first guy on the real world black guy got kicked off for rape in the chick member her remember that shit david was at the credit he used at the college yeah cuz i would have been that's a what he used he didn't he actually pulled he pulled

it with the blank he was joking around with her he pulled the covers off and she cried sexual abuse and he got kicked off he kicked he is he's on what she's on like one of the NBA wife show or something like that yeah she got he got kicked off the fucking show because he's white she had panties on underneath, and he pulled the blind, they were flirting with each other, playing and giggling, and he pulled the blanket off, and she was laughing, but then after the fact, she was like, I feel abused, and they were like,

you gotta go. I mean, you gotta go first real world, right? What was his name? Dave, I think it was. He was famous for a minute and we were at a college in Sam Houston College. I remember they told us we had to be clean, crystal, crystal. They made us sign a contract. Took us in a locker room and said, guys, you have to sign this. You agreed when we booked you, so I signed it. Everybody signed it. Tracy Morgan signed it, and then Tracy, as soon as they walk out, they go,

you know, we're artists, we need to express ourselves. We gotta bond together, and we can say whatever we want. We're artists, we need to say fuck, we're motherfucka. And I was like, Tracy, I need the money. I can't, I can't fuck off, I can do 20 minutes cleaning them. He's like, and he's like, all right, we'll be clean, we'll be clean. Dave goes't, I can't fuck off. I can do 20 minutes clean. He's like, and he's like, all right, we'll be clean. We'll be clean. Dave goes up clean. I go up clean. Fine. Uh-oh. He goes up five minutes. Nothing. David Edwards. No. David Edwards. That's who it is.

Tracy goes up five minutes. That's been, then he goes, you know, man, I fucked this chicken or kidney. I wiped the blood on the cunt. Dude, fucking place goes nuts. They laugh and he's like, yeah man, you can't. You could ask your father. You're almost fucking, that's from your daughter's asshole. I fucked her or the kidney and I asshole and I'm gonna wipe the blood on your whole

whole blood on my cunt. Dude, I was fucking like, I was like, what the fuck? All of a sudden, you see this black lady, she had to be like, six, nine. Oh no. Yeah, click, click her, fucking her, her short. You know those little Puritan high heels, she was, they had a buckle on them.

Oh wow. Like a square buckle. Fucking dude, she had the dress girls. But dressing down her ankles, right? Please tell me that's the girl from at the end of the story. Yeah, yeah. This kiddo book does literally has his hands on the head. He slid down the wall with the checks in his hand, right?

She grabs the checks, rips them up and throws them at him. All of them. She was pissed, she all of our checks got ripped up. He comes off, he goes, that was good, right? I'm like, no, man. fucking ten grand out the window for him Damn for him. Yeah, did you end up getting your money? I got my money. Yeah, of course I did They had it took me a month But I got and I had to stay there an extra day

That was what with a weird part I had to stay in the school that was back when I used to do schools It was cheaper to fly out on the Like the the Sunday then it would you stay the used to do schools, it was cheaper to fly out on the like the the Sunday than it would be stayed the sat. If you left sat, it was more expensive. But if you stayed the Sunday the extra day, it was cheaper. So I had to do that shit. So I stayed an extra day and that's when this chick came back. She, my phone rang. She's like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm eating Doritos. She's like, I'm coming over. I was like, okay, wait, I was scared. She's like, literally, wait. I was scared literally Where did you know she from the show? This is the same boys. Did you fuck her on a bed of ripped up checks?

She's literally she goes I'm coming over I'm not even talking like less than 20 seconds just fucking knock at the fucking door. I'm trying to do a knock Who is it? That's me. Yeah. She comes in there. She's like, hey, and she sits on the edge of my bed and just I see Doritos and I'm just sitting there scared. Well, watch it. She's eating all my Doritos. You're a conch. She's taking fish falls of Doritos. I thought you would have a woman over in there to already be Doritos on the bed. How do you mean the phone just rings? You matter.

How like it? I was staying in the hotel of the school or whatever the fuck it was. All right. It was just a door, basically. And I was staying there. So she was part of the group that brought us. You know what I mean?

The cap, what are the fuck they call? She was one of the girls. Were you able to tell Tracy what he did was wrong? No, fuck no. What? I don't think what he did was wrong for Tracy. I think Tracy did the right thing for Tracy. They were done by booking a man that's gonna be a pain.

Tracy made a decision. I can't, I'm fuck it. I'll take the hit. If you're a comic and you make that, I'm gonna say take the hit. I might not get paid for this, but I'm just gonna be me. Like a child and you make that, I'm gonna say take the hit. I might not get paid for this, but I'm just gonna be me. Like a good show.

I did that. When I did the NACA Northeast region, it was like 50 schools. I've done them clean and I didn't get one fucking school. And I always felt like shit and I felt like I couldn't do it. And then I did the one, I was like, I'm doing whatever I want. I told my agent, I go, I'm gonna swear and I'm like I I didn't you know I couldn't do it and then I did one I was like I'm doing whatever I want I told my agent I go I'm gonna swear and I'm doing whatever I want and if I don't get any schools

At least I'll get the school that note wants me right and this was after this Tracy shit because I was sick of Fucking being that guy too like I can do 20 minutes clean I couldn't do an hour clean. It was fucking it was sucked fucking blue and the kids won't blew anyway That's the same thing. Yeah, what happened? And you're adults, you're not fucking 10. You know, they're adults. I got 49 schools. 49 out of 50, like a record.

That's correct. A record. And everybody else went out and was doing their clean horse shit and bombing. I went out and fucking murdered 49 schools. And I had to do all of them and it almost killed me. I lost feeling in my fingertips on these two fingers. And I got a thing in my back and my arm would get stuck because I would literally Because they would block they would block book you that's how they do it. Oh, yeah

How college while twisting your arm. What do you think this is a call arm? I'm a stroke like what the fuck if they book me one show in the week Well, I remember stroke, like what the fuck? If they booked me one show in the week, they have to pay me like five grand. If they booked me seven shows in a week, it would be like a thousand bucks a school. So the more you booked me, the cheaper it is for everybody. So they booked me just straight.

So I was doing like, I would do a show in some shitty cafeteria, no light, microphone from Radio Shack, hard conditions, and then I would go to, I would jump in the car and drive to the next school, for the next three to four to five hours, go to the hotel, shitty fucking motels most of the time, that you drive right up to your door, sleep all day, eat food.

I remember I had fucking like 40 dollars worth of Chinese food on my belly. Just naked with a towel over it. It was just so depressing. And then, and then you'd go and do the next school drive every day. And I was so scared because it was winter time. I remember I was driving on the road. It was a snow storm. I had to make it to the school.

I'm driving and it was so scary. I'm in a Honda Civic And I'm holding onto the wheel so tight and then I just saw a fucking semi truck fork Jackknifeing coming at me from the other side. It hit the Jersey barrier Smashed into it up over it as I went by it. I like you I felt raw you could hear Little pieces of rock hit the back of my car. I was like a second away from just being murdered by a truck.

Well, I didn't even stop. I just kept going to like, I was like, I gotta get there. I showed up to like, how you doing? I'm like, I'm good, where's the stage? Oh, good, I'm gonna fuck on work. I'm gonna just get, no microphone, great, can have a water, yeah, give me a couple of water from wherever you got that from.

Give me some chance, this one. That, that a freight sail, you just made, baby, left. Huh. Huh. Wait, so what's, what's with the arm? I did, I got so tense, I would do these hour shows. I'll hold the mic. I would hold the mic so tight, and I would be so stressed out of my life at the time

that my arm would get stuck and I would have to undo the mic and then snap my arm off. It's like a revelation when Jerry Seinfeld said college gigs were shitty. You're like Dr. Strange love. Well I'm glad he said that dude. I'm glad somebody finally actually said, hey, lighten the fuck up. You're supposed to be the ones that are for free speech. You're supposed to be the ones that are supposed to be open mind. These coast colleges like that, but down south and like the west, they don't want to get real peace.

See, well from what my experience was. Yeah, I mean look, even Denver too. I remember I did Denver, the two dudes that picked me up were like Dude you can fucking say whatever you want Dude and I showed up and some Asian chick was like that's a fan's house We're all here man. I was like what the fuck I mean I bet specific instances where they're like great Someone someone committed suicide don't do suicide jokes. And you're just like, fine. And they usually pay you enough that you're like, okay. Of course, if you agree to do it,

you have to agree to do it by their terms. Yeah. That's it. I mean, look, colleges are in a fucking weird spot. It's like doctors, everybody's suja. So you can't say, I can fix that 100%. You have to say, well, there's a 10% chance that it might fucking burst. And you'll be on your stomach for nine months. And you know, we You have to say, well, there's a 10% chance that it might fucking burst

and you'll be on your stomach for nine months and we'll have to replace your eyeball. You even know he's 100% sure he's gonna fix it. He has to give you, because he'll get sued if it doesn't work out. I did Princeton once and there was, I was doing crowd work and this girl who was like from Africa, like answers a question and this guy

who is this balding like Prickish Ascle, who was like their charter club, he's like, oh don't listen to her, she's not from here. And so I fucking ripped him apart and I was like, oh you're as American as a bald eagle, you bald motherfucker, I said something like that. And the crowd loved it. I take offense to that.

I know, you should. And the crowd, like, I take offense to that. I know. You should. And the crowd, they loved it because like that was the asshole. They always wanted to shit on. But then it's also because it's a college like, oh, that dude might kill himself. You know, like that guy. Yeah. Yeah. They're worried about everybody.

Yeah. They're fucking worried about everybody. You do these colleges and there's unless unless this certain comics that get jerry's actually one of the comics that could do a college and have no problem that's why i was so weird that he came out said that i don't think so i i i i argue this last week it's like when john denver came out in the eighties he's gay yes

cocky mountain high no but when he came out in the 80s, he was, you know, I showed him with. Like that one. He was with D Snyder and fucking Frank Zappa defending, you know, music. Because if you have the clean guy doing it, it adds credence. Just because he doesn't do blue comedy doesn't mean he doesn't love it. No, I didn't say it wasn't good that he did it. I'm just saying it was ironic that he was the guy.

Because if he's gonna, first of all, if he's gonna go to school, I haven't heard Jerry doing a college in 20 years. I'm just saying that he had to be the guy. It wouldn't have meant anything if it was someone else, but it was like a, say, a Tracy. Yeah, Chris Locke said it, but everybody just went over by his head and then when San Phil said it was, it was a thing because San Phil is clean. I'll give it what you say. Yeah, because Chris Locke said, I fuck colleges like it. But Jerry has no'm feeling clean. I'll give you what you say. Yeah, because Chris Rock said, I was like, but Jerry has no dog in the fight. He just loves comedy.

Was that a black thing? Did you just make it a black thing? Was that? I didn't make it a black thing. You made it a black thing. Dog in the fight line. I let him, I can get your 11 off, okay?

Judge mental cocks, okay? Every time he gets jugged, I was with them. Okay. I think that I actually liked doing colleges. When I did them, I had a blast for the most part. And I thought the kids, when they booked you, they pretty much had a, you know,

kind of the heartbeat of what the school was if they'd like you or not. But, you know, there was a lot of schools. I showed up and it was a Christian school, Christian. I've done a few. And she was like, hi, you can't swear. I go, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like I had it in my contract, you cannot tell me what to do, Robert.

Can say or do whatever he wants and you still have to pay him. You know, you can't tell me anything. And I would carry it with me. I got to put right on carry it with me. I got to put right out, carry it with me. I would hide it. Yeah, but they would try to, I said, you sign this. This is signed by you. And they'd be like, yeah, but could you please?

And I was like, all right, I'm gonna go bomb. Because now I have to, if you give me a day or 45, at least a couple hours, I can kind of take the fucks out and take the stick in their ass out or whatever the fuck it is. You know what I mean? And I can clean my act up enough to do at your college. But if you just surprised me 10 minutes before and try to manipulate me, and now I'm in

front of a bunch of kids eating milk and cookies, and you know, I get to show with four nuns in the audience. Four fucking nuns with the hats. Oh, those nuns, those nuns. That's a different. You showed up to pay for row. There's a difference. There's a difference.

They're like more strict. The system married, marry heads. Well, the ones without the hat, a little cooler, right? Yeah, that went to a school where we had nuns and they didn't wear anything and then one of the one with the hat. Yeah, but naked you fucking There you go, sculptor. There you go, sculptor. And then the ones with the hats are like really shirked about everything.

They can't do anything. Costume religious people are always scarier. Right. You know, you just meet a Jew, that's a Jew, but you know, you meet like a sitting guy. Oh, you got a job, that's fucking tough. Being H Jew will scare you outside of being H. Oh, yeah. Without a camera lens, you're like, whoa, HLL.

Are you, why are you, why are you walking with a chick with a wig? What's going on? Yeah. It's a beautiful hair. Always the shape of a potato. What? Who?

They make the women all have like the same shape, the ones with the wig, but the body that's self, always is like a potato shape. Why is that? I don't know. Is that true or you just, is that weird? I noticed, I lived in Williamsburg for many years. I don't think that, let's just have it in my septum.

F***. F***. They purposely make them more unattractive. Yeah. But some of them punched through, like I was on an L train yesterday. That was a bad orth them punched through. Like I was on the L train yesterday. That was a bad orthodox Jew chick. And I was like, god damn, like I was like,

but she had the goofy socks and the thing. Like she was on a pailin' but I could see in a face. I'm like, she was, she was, she was, yeah. And she got dressed on Friday. Maybe she wasn't married yet. She can get chose. Yeah. Now is there a way out of that?

She actually can't dress about on Friday night because it's, you know. Oh, I'm sorry, sexual man. I didn't know. You're racist motherfucker. Is there a way out of that? Is there a way out of that for like if that like the Amish are all saying hey fuck it like a rum springer type shit. Yeah, the Rommesh can walk away for a little bit and go live life and then come back if they want it right? Yeah, you can walk away. Yeah, you can walk away. There's a way to walk away from that. Yeah, there have been people. They'll let you back. Yeah, women walk away. There's a way to walk away from that. Yeah, there have been people. They'll let you back. Yeah. Women.

Yeah, there've been there's some documentaries on it's tough because they're all they're not going with you. You have to say goodbye. It's like like Jehovah's Witnesses. That's like the toughest thing to leave. Why? They just they howl you. Like gangs. It should they howl you, you know, it's like once you're a part of that. I mean like science. All. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, I've been crazy. It's but but is a Judaism. What is it? Is orthodox Jews? Are they as bad as Scientologists? I don't know if they're as bad, but you're shunned out of that community. Oh, yeah, you know, they don't. And if you're a part of that community, it becomes your life because that's all of you. Yeah, that's all you know. I mean, you see going clear and like, that's who we

hung out with. It's another world. Yeah, And then drop down the cab, three o'clock in the afternoon. It's like, it's a whole little, this one, different world. Like that, dude. We never introduced you. Oh, hey, Derek Gaines. I'm sorry, we. I'm sorry, we. That was my fault.

That's my fault. She said you had a mustache. Sorry, I got that. But yeah, like the very Jewish part of Brooklyn and feels like it's own underground like troll community They get down they go to school on Saturday and all this or something like yeah So you know like did you have you heard how why they picked the place they do because I lived on Beverly and Fuller in Los Angeles And that was the same thing like everybody lived around but apparently one come one like it's something

But they some guy blesses the entire area and then they just all because it's isn't it weird They're all upstate New York to visit a couple towns where it means like they're like the best nerds ever because it's like They found like as one of the rules is that like women can't sit next to them and it's like they look like that And they found a way to make the women feel ashamed like that's like On that plane to where they would yeah I That's like older men. That whole thing happened on that plane too, where they would, they would, whatever you were about to. It was like a year ago or something. It was headed to like Tel Aviv or some part of Israel. And they're not allowed to sit next to women.

And the guys aren't? Married guys aren't, yeah. Yeah. So it was like, it was around Thanksgiving. It was like 11 hours. Like they had this huge dispute on the seating assignments. Yeah. Oh wow. By the way, this dispute on the seating assignments. Oh, wow. People would move.

By the way, this happens on every flight. Every flight I've taken to Israel, somebody won't sit in that seat because they buy the seat and apple ship. Wow. That's so annoying. Wait, so they can't sit. Women can sit next to women. I don't think they can sit in the warm up field.

Should he? If you look like that. If she's married, she can only sit next to her husband. Like, okay, so there's a third seat. No one can do that. I'm a bad Jew here, but yeah, there's some rule. There's a third seat. Nobody can sit there.

What if it's a little kid? You can sit next to a little kid. Yeah. So the woman can sit next to a little kid. Yeah, well, like a single guy can't get on the plane. It's the next to a woman. So like, you know, a single guy, it is something to do with. You could never sit next to a woman. A single woman, a single woman. extra woman. So I don't have a single guy at a something to do it. You could never sit next to a woman a single

Single marriage I did a show at a mosque once I couldn't shake the women They don't shake the women on shake hands. Are you are you Muslim? Mm-hmm. I was just a good check There's a yo man. Yo, what's up Taliban? I says what's up? Goofy no it was. He booked 49 out of 50 I'm sorry for trying to be funny I think I thought goofy was fun black Muslims ahead You do Naka he does mecca

That was a seeing both I like he just turned this into mix 98.1 Yo, yo, yo, don't fuck motherfucker. Yeah. Don't be goofy. Don't you fuck with my mosque money. Don't be. We're black muslim. We ain't fucking. He's real patriotic. I like that. They just, they weren't blown up shit. Yeah. Do you want to do ox women? Jews don't shake hands either. In the contract, it says he can kill by any means necessary. That was a stink out. That was a stung out. That was alright.

At least I'm fucking trying. You've got one like every 10 minutes. Oh, shit. I'm making the table. Oh, shit. You did that hand wave. Come on. You look good though.

You look good. Here's this fucking motherfucker. I gotta go the chiro real quick. What is this fucking show every week? Comment to fight with each other. Fightin'. I handle problem with Mike. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that.

I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. You bring your own it next time he's wearing one Let me as the biggest bomb Dana of the mall

Here's the bomb blanket come to the bonnet. What do you got all right? Pugmanis says I call BS Bobby had the Doritos on the bed like Rose petals That guy does, that's the funniest thing a fan has ever said. Oh my god, I feel bad for the next guy. This is gonna stink. You should have read that. You cocked soccer, you went with a headline. If I didn't open strong, this whole thing would have fallen apart. You fucking porky pig. If I didn't

start open strong. Buddy see buddy follows up with rule number one. Know your audience. Wow. See that was your fault buddy. What does a Patrick say? Patrick Milligan. I love Patrick from the stand. The manager of the stand and also of cringey humor. Yeah. He says Richie Reading is the rich old dollars out of comedy who's richie that's my buddy i know richie but i don't like the joke but i don't know richie why am i a

uh... what is it that we did we bring them up at all now fucking patrick you fucking i what the fuck it's uses the new richie he's admitting he's white. That's a really white name. What else you got?

Al says, my girl has a soul patch on the top of her asshole towards the back. Really? That's a whole patch. I'm gonna throw up. So there's, wait a minute, there's a fucking thing a hair. I share Lenny's blanket. So there's lit wait a minute there's a fucking thing a hair Share let me like it. There's a thing a hair on the back of her My favorite asshole. That's what it sounds like either like above maybe below or on top Like you don't like you've never seen that before

Yeah, every girl I'll take that. I'll take that a fucking dumb So her ass looks like the lead like your smash mouth Mike had one He didn't want to get it out. Yeah, Mike's only his own head. Are you alright? You fucking air phones and glasses working you cocksucker. Yeah, what's wrong? Nothing Mike you do you think Richie Routing is a really funny community. Is he really? Listen, here's a deal. We're gonna take a break you guys are fucking amazing. I want to go through the right now I gotta get literally I think there's something wrong with my stomach Fuck you Lenny how much festival chicken did you?

I want piece of chicken. That's enough man in the whole weekend. I want you know what fuck yes The whole weekend What are you my mother? Yes? Say it in a you know, oh, you're not saying nothing is your eye Way with you for a weekend. It was the whole chicken I need you know what do you think I fucking hunted down the chicken in the woods of Fucking fucking fucking Fucking airy bitch listen I gotta skid you alive. Alabama shakes is about to play.

People are fucking like that. You're not laughing at it, Dylan. You really? I know who Alabama shakes is the first one I got. I didn't get a say in my perspective. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I used references of today. I told you to dumb it down, did I?

I'm not. I'm keeping my alt from him, bitch. I told you to dumb it down, didn't I? I'm not. I'm keeping my old friend bass. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm keeping my old friend bass. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm keeping my old friend bass. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm keeping my old friend bass. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. God. We'll be right back. We'll be right back when it's take a quick break. Everybody in the chat room, get your shit together. I know it's hard to fall. That was the fucking best joke ever told in the chat room. We're gonna do it to anybody. So get your shit together. Patrick, fucking, what the fuck, dude?

I expect more out of you. It's like, Richie Moogoo. It's like Dante. Are you doing, are you doing voice the same voice for everybody? I do. First of all, everybody knows I do one, I do already, that's it. Okay, I'm not an impure mix. That's a good Tracey.

Uh, thank you. Tracey, you're from Yokobarie Finn. Yo, Bobby, yo, your Bobby. Smell my fingers. It's good Tracey. I think of, fuck my wife before I leave the house. It reminds me of my son He said that to me in the lobby once in front of a like a family All right, so we'll be right back in the chat

We're gonna do a little break and then we'll come back We're gonna do the rest of the show and do some ads that we get a bunch of stuff We're gonna talk about Bonaroo probably probably talk about some more hairy stuff with their fucking mustache. Casey's gonna read a plug for Dollar Shave Club. We'll be back right after these messages. Hey, check it out. Baseball is in full swing, everybody.

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Subscribe to the YouTube network. Subscribe. Look at all these people. Look, subscribe. That's all you have to do. If you're watching the show, don't sit there and fuck it. It's free. Only thing we ask you to do is hit a button and subscribe. That's it

So and we get a lot of subscriptions, right? Yeah, get a couple every day You don't have to give exact numbers we can Well, it's public information. I can't really yeah, well, they don't even check they can just we can cause an illusion All right, so there you go. We're back in the show Right now. I'm not playing any sweeper. We can play a sweeper button. Why right? Let's just go back here. Let's do it All right, let's do it. All right. Here's a thing You came to my bar. Here's I did the barbecue you came Lenny. Yes, came late Mike. I didn't invite you nope again And here's

And here's the thing, it's a funny thing. I'm sorry. Michael, here's the thing, I'm gonna say. He's really like your dad. Yeah, I know, buddy. Michael, I'm saying this to you right now. Ready? You have an open invitation, any party I throw. If I forget to invite you and you hear about it,

you call me up or you just show up. Okay. That's the rule. Now you can't bring anybody. Okay. But's the rule. Now you can't bring anybody But you could come No, I'm sorry. I didn't I there's a lot of people and here's the thing all the people came up to me last this year and said like Rachel and well you didn't invite me and if you know, I was like well fuck. I'm sorry I just you know the list keeps getting and I forget and it can and as I remember and you know blah blah blah

I can invite you know and I invite her and she doesn't show. All these people that wanted to come last year that fucking was up my ass and I invite them, they didn't fucking even come. So I bought all this food and for nothing. Food for nothing. And tense. Tense.

And literally was on the Buzz Barbecue show last year and heard the same speech. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. the same speech. I got to keep hearing the, I'm sorry Michael but you know next year and... Well then it's not my fault, I told you last year next year you can just show up right? Yeah but I didn't know about it. Well you got to learn, you know, you're gonna be a pinion of your valves. What? I don't know.

Am I supposed to shake people down in like, dive bars and be like, where's Bobby Kelly's house? He is social. Your social valves are shut off now. You know, you know, but I'm up. Are you following me on Twitter? Yes. You didn't get the tweet?

No. I'm kidding. You're invited, right now I'm inviting you next year. Okay. So you're, listen, it's the week of the second, the week before. So whatever that Sunday is that's it So just come bring raincoat all right and the shit the fuck up. I'm sorry

It was you would have to scuffle how much rain was that Robert's house. It was you know, it was pretty bad God didn't want it to happen Did you have to invite Poseidon to the party? Actually, I saw I fucking saw animals two by two going in my backyard. Yeah. It's fucking awful. It was unbelievable. It rained so bad.

And Robert made food for all the people and soaking, pouring. He was a warrior out there, though. He's a warrior out there, though. I missed all that. I missed all that. I'm getting bad. Well, here's the problem.

No, I'll tell you the problem. Oh, here's the problem, okay? They thought it was a black barbecue. Right. I mean, Chris Cotton. I mean, everybody leaves. I'm exhausted. I cooked for three hours in the fucking torrential rain.

I was getting heckled by the... We got there after Feverlift. I was getting heckled by the funniest cocksuckers of the business. Quinn, Robinson, Norton, Lenny. They're all that trash in me. Fuckin' well, I'm herein' them laughing while I'm cookin' just makin' fun in me.

I cook, we fuck everybody goes and sick it so bad. All the tent stop breakin', water starts comin' through. It's fuckin' chaos. We all go in the house, the guy from Ben and Jerry's cater it, shows up with Sundays, everybody's eating Sundays, cake and steak dips and sausages, everybody finally leaves. I'm sitting there with like a friend of mine and Stavros, I think it was in my wife and my kid and I'm exhausted.

It's all over. Thank God we made it. This jackass and Chris Cotton, my wife goes, there's two black kids walking up the driveway. Yeah man, it was fun. I immediately go for my gun. What shot me today? You had house shoes on like a black uncle, that didn't make me feel outside.

Those are leather house shoes. Good for both. I did, I did. I had leather house shoes sweeping around now. So I was like, this is my home. I have leather dick and dikes slippers. My wife hates them. I just bought a fucking hat to a gardening hat.

Oh, God. I look like, I really do. I look like fucking Brando from the... Thank God, Father. No, from the... Um... Are you literally having a stroke? The island of Dr. Murup.

I wanted that a lot of this Gocksuck and then slip in. Whatever you think, Are you a fuck in the way? You had no idea. You're going down either way. You're trying to say the title of that movie. You just buffered right there.

You're trying to say the title of that movie made you sound like Marlon Brando in that movie. I tried to understand soy and... And then... Diffy. They fucking branch at that. So I look at that, but it's this fucking jack. I tried to understand so I'm like,bs, did you? Monrobs? I had a steak tip. Oh, yeah. I thought it was crazy.

There was only a few left, so I kinda had to hit those. Literally, I swirled it up. I fucking, I filled them up on hamburgers and hot dogs. And it was like two steaks, tips of peace. Oh, yeah, I really kept, I three hamburgers each. And two hot dogs each. Who's eating? Okay, and then they started eating Mike.

There was two cakes. There was two cakes. Oh, that cake was red-hearted. There was an Amy Schumer cake. My wife always makes it. We always make an Amy Schumer cake because it's her birthday. It's Colin Queensborough.

They saw him at a Colin Quinn cake and there's my kids birthday. So it's all in the same area. So the Amy cake was gone. My kids cake, which was a double round yellow cake with Chocafrosting. So that's there, but you know, it's the better of all the cakes, right?

The headliner. So they start just cutting pieces off. And it's so good, I see that they're, and they keep cutting. I go, fucking enough. I know. I go, I go enough. But you gave us the backup cake.

I go, you go, you have the Colin Quinn cake. You gave us the backup cake. You're Colin Quinn cake. Quinn cake you're not max it max him is cake. I would call the NAZP Bus cake, but it was still good cake. I mean you gave us two blocks like it was government And I was like I guess this was gonna happen, but now it was a good host I was I then Patrick writes in the chat, what about the Richie Redding cake? It's good, but I hate it for no reason. It's weird for that one. That's a fucking left turn of no reason.

Well, that's what Patrick does. He's in a prison right now, texting behind some potatoes. Yeah. So yeah, I feed these guys. I mean, they ate, I mean mean they ate like they haven't eaten and And then I gave him two plates to go and Some cake to go the quen cake and then I said you want to grab some sodas and they did for each

Wait was this was this Sunday or 1865? You emancipated them. That's so fucked up. Jesus. Thank you Mr. Kelly. I ain't ever known Connless like what you show. Then I heard my neighbors dogs and I was like run, run, run for your lives. So fucked up. Then you put your shoes back on to go, you got to go, you got to go, you got to go,

Chris gets eaten and he's like come on without me. And Monroe carries them on to go. You got to go to hell. Chris gets eaten and he's like, come on with up me. And Monroe carries him on his back. Mom was the widest. It was for me. It was for Chris. Come on, Roe. Chris come on Roe at like 2.30.

And was like, I'll be there in an hour. And then four hours later, you guys show up. Roe threw that rain storm. He always sit in it. And then, and all the rain stopped when we got there. It's not the Amazon. You're at a fucking car. Now, because Chris, it was traffic. We had all kinds of traffic trying to get out of travel China to your house and we finally got there was like fuck it. We hear now

So we we went up well they came in they ate like mother and that I said I go you gotta go you got it He kicked us out. I kicked him the fuck up But then they told me that they were gonna give me a black community award for helping black Yo man, it was good man. He was like a basketball coach I was like the fucking white shadow. The white shadow. But the house shoes made me feel so good. You were like that.

You were there Sandra Bullock. Oh, that was the line. But you know, but she was on fire with the slave shit and then you just took it to the end. I didn't like the center. Yeah, why don't you be saying the slave shit? I like the white shadow. I think I think you tried to one up the white shadow and you lost them

Just take the head Michael My talent without y'all being but the goddamn chicken wings was off the fucking job. Sorry You did that was that was the way that was the way my heart the chicken wings So off the bone fucking crazy. I was a damn hell good. I've been the food is great Here's the fucking problem my wife though ready Last year she makes a big tray of macaroni salad It's Italian macaroni salad. So it's he it has. So it has the oil and the man it's just so good. It's my favorite thing in the world. So I'm sitting there cooking for everybody. And then

she, you know, everybody eats, everybody eats, it's all done. They're kind of done. And then she goes, I forgot that the macaroni salad, she comes up with a fucking 80 pounds of mac and she puts it out like people are just just go hey I have a cup you know what I mean it's like you fucking she did that last year and then this year I'm cooking and I'm sitting there and everybody's eating it was a lot going on this year it doesn't matter you take the fucking macro she comes out again second she goes I forgot the Macaroni now we have 80 pounds of fucking Mac and I'm out of the course you've tried to try I literally got fucking,

I've got a jam, I can't eat no more. I was fucking tossing it on the plate. He bullies you with the eating, right? I'm like, dude, because Colin Quinn said he was like, I hate that he was just such a good host. I was like, yeah, but she was, it was great. It bugs people that I'm a really great host.

It was fucking great, man. I was like, shit. Next year, you know what I'm doing? I'm hiring a maid. We're hiring a, I'm, I'm, I already talked a maid. We're hiring a, I'm already talked to her. We're doing a maid so my wife doesn't have to clean and nobody has to clean. And then I'm hiring a cook.

I'm gonna cook with him. I don't want him to fuck shit up. You're gonna take over though. There's gonna be sitting there. You're gonna take over the line. Why do you say that? Do I have issues? What did you do with all those tent? You had like seven tents?

Yeah, it was Iroquizibo. They're in this thing, it's an Italian thing called Gabbage. Gabbage, yeah, I threw them all out. Here's the problem. Yeah. I said that, I said, the tent guy fucked me. And they did the bait and switch. I'm doing a 30 by 20 tent.

First, I think it was 500 bucks. Cool, called me up was 500 bucks. Cool. Called me up the day before. They can't come. We only have the 40 by 30. It's a thousand bucks. They saw the weather report. I was like, go fuck yourself.

Yeah, it's okay. Fuck you and fuck yourself again. I went to A&P and I bought seven, 29 dollar gazebos. And seven thousand dollars of duct tape. And I bought a lot of duct tape, but I duct tape them all together. So you have a huge eye here. I have a pretty good backyard. Are you in the city? Are you trying to find me?

I live in a restaurant. My wife is going back for a ball. It's a big backyard. Promise me you won't shave. I like it rough. I have Doritos. I'm not sure. I promise you won't shave. Well, there'd be Doritos. I like it rough. I have Doritos. Do me a favor.

I have a mock three. Bobby. I'm sure, Lea, the best that you can get at. At the end there's purple wax. At the end of the barbecue, a Ben and Jerry's truck pulls up. I know. And a guy gets out and pulls out Ben and Jerry's for like 30 people. How'd it feel?

It was fun. 50 people. We missed Sundays. Sunday station. Oh, you didn't miss him. I had him in the fridge. I had him in the freezer. You didn't get him.

Oh, man. I'm a big half a cake. We did it. Half a colon quen cake was gone. I didn't want to give him diabetes. What flavor was the colon quen cake? Thank you. What flavor was the colon quen? Thank you. Half of the whole microwave. What flavor was the Colin Quinn cake?

Let me tell you the same thing. The greatest yellow cake with chocolate ice in the man. It's yellow cake, moist as shit. I was like, what? It's my wife makes this cake. It's my favorite cake in the world. I have the breakfast and next day. It's a yellow cake with chocolate frostings.

Easy. It's the best cake in the world. It's the best. It's so moist that what, I can't even talk about it because I can't, I'm on no sugar, no grains. It's the best cake in the world. It's the best. It's so moist that what, I can't even talk about it because I can't, I'm on no sugar, no grains. And I'm gonna fail right after this podcast. I'm just gonna run to a bakery and get it like nine half moons. Brrrrr.

Anyways, it was great. I'm all right, I'm okay. I like how you kept cheerleading to, who's eating, who's like the cake is retarded, right? It's retarded. I was like, yes, we're talking. He was literally spooning it from the cake. It was great.

And I saw my wife, because it was my son's cake and she went, what the fuck are they doing? She took, I saw some of the racism from my wife's boss that come out. She's like, what are these fucking blackies doing and my fucking son's cake? Come on. Get these black kids off of fucking Max's cake.

This cake was off the chair. Thank you, Max. Thanks everybody to cake was good, man. I'm glad you guys came over. I wish you came when the party was next. I'm throwing another barbecue, comics only. Okay. Michael, you're invited.

Oh, nice. All right, but you got to get there by yourself. No, I'm not. Derek, you guys leave right now. You'll meet him. They're going to be traffic. I told Keith he can invite four black people. A lot of us. Yeah I'll book my spot. Yeah, you're it. Yeah, when is that I did you calendar way? I'm not putting it in a fucking

It's not happening yet. Fucking Lenny with this stupid calendar. You got to put it in the calendar Why are you so opposed to the calendar? Are you at a day runner back in the day? Didn't you a day run? Yeah, I was big. Yeah, no, I always had it on and like it's been electronic for 20 years now. No, it has not It let me Marcus ahead of the curve way ahead of the car. I had a palm pilot. I had a wizard It a wizard a wizard a wizard. Look at actual guy with a hat. No, no, you want those on signfold The wizard okay, I'm fucking wizard. I was the first one to have I had one. So what year was that before I'm gonna tell you it was 1994 I had a wizard hang on now sailor. I had a wizard before the wizard was the sharp It was like a calculator, but on the back of it had a phone

Recorder you put it so you kept the numbers in it and kept the name the number and then you hit that and you could put it up To the phone it would dial the phone. Wow. How crazy is that? That's great. So why you so opposed me pull out a calendar I know I just want to be opposed to you We're gonna just agree is that the podcast I run now the agreeables on iTunes It's number two. What a great idea Lenny. Let's put it in calendar. There and nothing will bad will happen I love calendars fantastic You're great. We'll be right back with I'm gonna go eat a Lenny Marcus cake. I can do better, but it's fine Anyways, I went to the Bonnero Festival weekend. Big J was there who really, you know,

really, I hate to say this. It sounds, I guess, silly for a guy of my size. He really said some touching shit when he brought me on stage. We did the comedy tent that Bonero, me, Dan Soda, Ari Shafir and Big J, and I had a close go up at the end after those hammers every night. I had a fart. I farted, okay? And at the last minute I was like, oh my god, it might be shit.

And if I shit, I would sit here until one of you went, what the fuck is that? And then we'd end the show. Even mentioning Bonnero with a festival chicken has to remind us, don't you forget about this. I was going to Bonerooth for FX, Sex Strikes and Rock'a Roll. We had a thing on Saturday where we premiered three of the episodes in front of like a thousand people in the cinema tent and then we did a Q&A. But they, my management and my agent were like, well why don't you just go

and do the thing and they hooked it up Where I could do come in Thursday and do a couple shows which was awesome and then big J was say I mean You know they're all fucking stoned and they know how to do a festival they get fucking high Literally Ari comes off after a set. He's got a fucking Package, you know just a big ziplock to fucking bag a mushrooms. I thought he was making a salad. That's how we can fucking bag a mushroom as well. And Big J was bringing me up and he's like,

you know, this guy, I forget what he said, but he's like, this guy really put money in my family's mouth when we needed it and said this really sweet shit. It's a live aid, where were you? I don't know. He put me in a weird mood too, because I was just like, hey, man. I was so, he was like, it's true. And then he went, it's true.

Like, I was, I don't know if he was high. And he floated away. It was really high. I walked out and I was like, hey guys. I was like, I was in the wrong mode to do fucking my type of comedy. I was like, that was nice. But yeah, it was this fucking massive circus,

Stan, but it was fun. The thing when you do a festival and you guys who have done them know, and if you haven't done them, you will. When you do a festival, you can't take it personal when the crowd gets up and leaves. Because there's a million things going on. And if they're...

And you're the least interesting one in any it time. That's not even true. It's that they I want to go see a couple maybe like 20 and a half hour of comedy show and then I want to go see tears for fears and then I want to go see fucking blah blah it's that that's the way I got fucked up the first time I did it festival was just for laugh jazz festival and I'm just about to go on I I do like 10 minutes, half the crowd gets up and leaves. And I was like, what the fuck? I go, I didn't even say anything bad. And the guy was like, no dude, sound guidance on now.

We gotta go. Oh yeah. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. And you can't take it personal. But, you know, 10 minutes in if they leave, that's a decision. If they stay for 10 minutes, you're acting, go fuck it. They think you're starting.

But the comedy tents are often the detox tents at those places. You've seen music and your motion and stand around and you're like, let's sit down or relax a little bit. Yeah, that's true. I did want to in the UK one time with Chris DeStefano and. And it was like, I landed at like eight and then was on stage, like, and had to take a train and everything, was on stage like two hours later.

It was so exhausting. And yeah, it was like in the fucking morning, like early afternoon, there's like 20 feet of distance. So you can't get close, you know. Well, this one was actually really cool. Yeah. They took this tent up.

And then Tom Jones started playing. And I'm like, I'd rather be seeing Tom Jones. Yeah, they took this tent up and then Tom Jones started playing And I'm like I'd rather be seeing Tom Jones You can't take it personally you just gonna go up and do your show like you're at the seller and just work Do you shit and have fun and you can't take any of it personally because it is not a Comedy thing, you know, you mean? I'm not really they chat, is there like a lot of, like, not really, they were good. I mean, they were fucking, I'm surprisingly great, man. Tents make it better. Well, this tent was a little too hot. This was a little too hot.

This was like wrinkling brothers tent. Oh well, it was just. How many people? It was a lot. There was like a couple thousand at, but in the tent? In the tent, yeah. Wow, so.

It was, yeah, it was, it was, it was good, man. But then they have this great area back and, you know, I was there hanging out with, who was there it was, it was good, man. But then they have this great area back. And, you know, I was there hanging out with, who was there? Nick Rol was there. Zach, Zach, Alphanac has showed up and Reggie Watts was back there. Who's the guy from Mad Men, the lead guy?

John Ham. John Ham was there. He's funny. I like Stuart and all the comedy. It's weird for me because I've done so much Louis now. Like this year, Louis, Louis the fucking best thing that's ever happened for me so far because so many people,

so many famous people watch that shit. You know what I mean? So as he was like dude, I'm a big fan of you on Louis man, you're great. And I don't know how to respond to that shit. So I'm just like thank you. That's probably correct. Yeah, but why is that bad?

That sounds okay. Because in my head, I should go, oh man, I'm a big fan of you too. Yeah. Or dude, I love you. You can do that also. I have a great madman story. Do you want to, okay, I can't be tell it on here.

Why are you telling us? You had John Hamm right in front of you. Yeah. Exactly, but I panic, I go think you. Yeah. Like that? You actually, I go, thank you. Yeah. Like that? You actually did the thing? I did.

Because I didn't know he was gonna talk to me. I thought he was just gonna ignore me, like famous people ignore people like me. And he went, hey man, I'm a, and I was like, thank you. Thank you. You're a good man. But you. Thank you.

That's your festival, thank you. But you're a good man. Thank you. Dude, I swear to God, I'm gonna do that for now. This is what a piece of shit I am. As soon as I got off the plane, the lady who took me was from Nashville. She's like, nah, we have a lot of people in here.

And she was like, I appreciate you on your show. I love you on Lueh's. I will thank you. I know. You're the fucking accent. Buddy, listen, I don't know why. It just, I think because me and my wife talking we are you know she's Dixie lizard and I'm Bucky lizard and we do that a lot like we're on vacation we talk

Southern all the time and that bat even out of house on weekends we'll I'm Bucky she's Dixie and we talk like this a lot those black boys are he's all our cake Max cake back Good see now to be a good see now listen you black boys need to move on to the calling quink we made that I don't know where it came from man. I just went I'm fine. I went thank you and she didn't catch it, but I literally My neck froze Like I could feel every comic I know just go It hasn't on frozen since So anyways, I do this fucking thing and it's con look man comics are fucking weird man. It's like, you know

It's a weird thing. I, you know, sometimes you can, hey, what's up and everything's cool and then you show up the next night and it's like, hey, what the fuck happened? We were best friends last night. Now, like, I'm fucking, it was weird. It was like, all right, I'll see you later. You know, it was a little weird vibe the next day.

The next night with the comics. Ed Pantone. Okay, just checking. But, uh, there's no pants. But the thing too is that like you're, you know, you have like a recurring role on like an actual good show. So like you still have more credibility than like a star

from like criminal minds or something. You know what I mean? Because it's like there are many good shows. And if you're on a good show, and even if you're on one episode, it's like, that still makes you cooler than people who are in like, remember a little bit. I think you're more memorable. I don't, but I'm not, okay, that's great. I mean, Louise, I mean, I could never thank that.

And the way people watch TV now is so much more intimate than it's ever been, but, you know, we mostly watch it on our computers for at our own time. But here's where I'm at as famed today. This is in the crock store. Yes, I'm buying a pair of crocks. Okay, I don't even know what the end of story. You know, like crocks. It's a set.

No, I do not like crocks. You have a fucking blanket on like an old lady. So what? There's nothing to do with each other. I need... First of all, I need Crocs because I work with them. I'm gonna tell you why. If you don't need to say why, I need Crocs that work in the backyard.

With your hands. I have a hat. Have you seen the hat? You take off the fancy indoor-sister. And a little mitches that you carry around with you for your experiments. You take off the fancy indoor and a little bit. And a little bit. That you carry around with you for your experiments. You put on the cracks.

You take out your garden, put the hat on. Go out. No, I don't take, listen to me. OK, first of all, I need crocs for the backyard because I need to slip something on and off and I do a lot of playing with the

kid and I want to make sure that that here's my hat right there. I need to slip something on and off and I do a lot of playing with the kid and I want to make sure that That Here's my hat right there. That's my hat. Oh, man. You don't like that hat Mike nice show the fence If you're golfing it's not you look like you got fired from Jurassic Park That's the hat I'll post the picture of it. I think it's a lovely hat. My wife. No shorts are even worse. Those are my underwear.

I just walk outside my underwear. My wife hates me. I'll walk out. We just like that day two of the Bonnaroo thing when the stars are coming up to us. Well, day two. But we're walking to the tree today. The guy in the truck, so the guy goes,

Hey, man, you look like that guy on Louis. And I was like, really? He goes, yeah, I'd ask you for your autograph for your work. And I was like, OK, cool. And I just walked away. What am I supposed to say? It is me. It is me.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, buddy. Thank you. It is me. Hey, fucking. So then I'm walking on the street.

Another guy goes, hey, man, you look like you should be in a movie. And I go, really? He goes, yeah, you look like you could be in TV or something. I go, thank you. Thank you. So weird. I would have loved to be like snapped on. I mean, look like you could be in like TV or something. I go, thank you. Thank you. That's so weird. I would have loved to be like, you like snapped on me. Look like that guy from Louis.

You don't read the fucking credits. That guy? That guy carries the show. That is funny. That is funny. That is funny. So I'm in the thing. And you know, there's no eponor of this you know they have the food

that you get a ticket to and it's a so that I didn't eat because I didn't want to eat but then I got really hungry because I didn't know I'm an asshole I should have ate and I should have eaten. Should have eaten you fuck it. Come on. Alright. That's why it comes back on you. So.

So. back on you. So so I um there's you know Dennis we're on this little trailer okay and Dennis is you know talking to him but they all go food and there's a piece of chicken in his thing I can I have that he goes go ahead have it and I ate this fucking thing of chicken but I knew the chicken was bad because it looked like it had bones in it like a a thigh. So I was like, oh, and I kept eating, there was no bones. So like there was no... Like they just shaped it like that? Yeah, it's like a mick rib with,

like they make bone with like fucking some type of fat. So it looks like it has bone, but there's no bone in it. That's what this chicken was. And I ate it, I remember eating it, and I tasted something. It could have been sauce or it could have been somebody's asshole. You know what I mean?

Whereas I had to make a decision psychologically to go down a path. And we still had the show to do in the Q&A. So I chose sauce. Socks are assholes. If my skin was to go out. What if the sincerity of Jay's intro is actually what made you sick?

I had no. That made me feel well. But I've been sick ever since. I have a stomach thing and I've been shitting. I just, like I can't, how are you grown up? Huh? No, no throwing up. You tell me that thing is still snaking its way through somehow. Well, it's getting better, but I pooed white, which is not good.

No, no, no, I actually know that's really bad. I know. What are you scaring me for? Because my old boss did that when she hit that bad. I put white which is not good. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, She ate bad seafood and she pooped white and it was because it was like that she had to go to the hospital. For what? Oh god, what is that? Look at Bob's face, John's face. No, it was like, I mean like, I have worms like someone else was. No, but something with the blood, yeah, something like that. Deepo, look at it, it's really bad. Was it bad?

She, well, she got, she had to go to the hospital and they had to give her some stuff for it, but like, fuck it. I can literally text her. I gotta go to the hospital. I gotta go to the hospital. I had white poop for, it's gone though, it's coming back. I'll tell you what, white poop means this. Your bile is not coming from your liver, okay?

So the bile is what makes your poop brown. And when it could be liver disease, it could be cancer, it could be your... It could be like something really bad with your liver. Your gallstone. Yeah, I just told you this, the sphincter of Odie. I don't listen if you have a I have a gallop platter problem. I could Figure of Odie that's not from Garfield. That's what's his name. Oh, he was dog. I could I don't know

What is every on their phones for? It's okay I just told you what it was We're looking at you to look at a put your phones down. You look like asshole. I'm gonna get it. We're looking at it like a... It's fine. You're absolutely right. You're right. I told you, you don't trust me.

I do, but I kinda, I wanted to know for myself. I'm looking at it. Your skin didn't change colors though, right? Because I think when she had like white poop and then she had like her like, her whole complexion like... No, I didn't, no, I don't think so. I don't think so.

No, I don't, I, I, I'm, look, I... You're gonna live. Well, we don't know this. Oh, okay. Let's see how you better have that don't know this. Oh, okay. I have to see how you better have that barbecue sooner than later. Fuck the hell.

Honey, what the fuck man? That's how you make a cave. You need to see a doctor. I'm not, I'm gonna see a doctor, but that's why the chicken fucked me up. There's nothing worse than having a shit on a plane. Oh man. Twice.

Twice. Once is fucking embarrassing. When you have to shit and you're in there for a long time and then you have to come out and then you have to shit again. It's like everybody knows That's a short white too and you're the guy on TV Like that guy from TV just so funny too. You guys know Michelle Wolf. They said that guy That guy with the truck super fun. I went the crap. You know Michelle Wolf. Yes So we're getting on the plane. Stop name dropping.

Huh? Well, I'm getting on the plane and I'm in first. And so I see my bardo, the dude who works at a possil, he has to kind of walk by me. And he goes back to coach and I'm like, hey, you know what I mean? Because I'm going to coach my whole life. So I kind of get off on people.

So then Michelle gets on and I'm like, watch this. And she sits right in front of me. I'm like, you love the fucker. Clock soccer had first class too. I was like, suck a dick. That would have been great. I was going to give the old, hey, how you doing? Like, I'm reading the times.

You know, first class reading, you know what I mean? Fucking ass. She sat right in front of me. So she, you know, she's way better in first class than me. Like she just went to sleep. I was using everything, because I'm such a ghetto asshole. I'm gonna lose this for Wi-Fi and the headphones. Oh, the pillow, who in the blanket?

I must use the blanket for three seconds. And the facilities twice. Oh my god. I'm the one who took you to get your own bathroom in first. Yeah, everybody gets their own bathroom. You shit in the seat. No, I need your first class. Get their own bathroom. You do, but still, you have to get your own bathroom in first? Yeah, everybody gets their own bathroom. You shit in the seat. No, every first class gets their own bathroom.

You do, but still, you have to get out. It's worth it, because there's like 10 people in front of us. And they all watch what you know as you. Yeah, yeah. You just go shit and coach. This is kind of ghetto first class though, because it wasn't two and two, it was one and two. And then, did you get to Curtain at least?

No, there was no Curtain. Oh, okay. That was ghetto first class. It was Delta first class. It was over at shoulder. What do you guys next class? You know what I hate this too. A guy who got, like, premium or whatever.

So he's in coach. And as he's walking by, he puts his bag in first class because he knows that they might, yeah. Like, I felt, I wish I could have, I don't know why I don't have the balls to just go hey that doesn't go there I want to you know what I mean and I wish because you were that guy you would have done that No, you elite motherfuckers have ruled this country for too long and it's time for the 99% It's right back what's right for these first of all I've never been that guy when I was in coach

I fucking dealt with my coach No, but I mean I'm with a guy who dealt with his coach. No, I went into fucking back And if I got on late then I had to put my fucking bag up and be the asshole I don't put a hat up top. I don't roll a coat up I don't fucking put my bag on your half of the fucking foot thing in the bottom I was a fucking legitimate coach player and if you would have made that soliloquy Right then and there would have been the best. Yeah, I was a fucking legitimate coach player. And if you would have made that soliloquy right then and there, it would have been the best.

Yeah, I was that guy, but now I am the 1%, so take your bag and head to the fuck out. No, you know I don't make that because something I might be bagged very soon in coach. And I don't want you know what you came from. Good for you. Oh, fuck, congratulations, you're a person. Damn it.

God damn it. Anyway, it was the show played great. I was at the Nix game when I had row four of the Nix, row four, and that's me and four. It was the case, row four of the guarded center court. Thank you. Center next to Woody Allen. It was Sleb row.

Like every sin and Gregory Heinans, this was way back. You guys nod to each other? Like, hey, what's up? It was only one game. I don't know anybody. So I think I'm with Tom Van Orn at the time. Another comic we're so thrilled to be in Row 4, then who walks through the thing is,

you know, Brian Callan, comedian Brian. Yeah, love Brian. Love Brian Callan. Very hockeyist guy. Love him, right? Brack, sweetest guy ever. Sweetest guy ever. Sweetest guy ever. In shape like a motherfucker.

And I love his joke about he goes up and he just talks about an awesome asses. How it's like pine apples. He's that guy. He's that guy. So he walks through with Breckenmeyer. You know, this guy. Me and him and Vegas.

Real quick, me and him and Vegas. He had a smoke and this is years and years ago way before and we met me even knew my check Yeah He shows up with this smoke and hard girl. I mean smoker. I had a smoker and we were comparing their bodies That's how fucking badass. He goes. I'd like your girls, but can I can I see it? Would you mind? She's like no she turns around and he's like I was like'd like your girl's butt. Can I see it? How's it? What did you mind? She's like, no, she turns around. And he's like, I like your girl's breasts. So really, he goes, well, we'll take a look.

And she goes, could you turn around for my, we're sitting there. I remember he had a married friend, and he was in his wife was sleeping in the bed and there, and he was just sitting there watching us. It was the creepiest, best experience I've ever had with Calon in my life. Well, he's got to come back to him. And those women never realized they were people. It was the creepiest best experience I've ever had with Calvin in my life. Well, he's got to come back to it.

And those women never realized they were people. It was awesome. They worked. It disappeared. Yeah, he's always got some hot chick. And he's got some, he was telling us one time that it's hot as the chick he's with, he goes, he gets a call from his Russian friend, he's got some Russian duties.

Rich, he's got like planes and stuff like that. If that guy calls no matter where he is, he knows he's gonna have a hot chick for not only him, but also brought, you know, like the two of them, the ten times. But he has the attitude to hang with hot chicks. I have the attitude to hang with fours. But he will go if this guy calls. I can't hang with a hot guy. I get nervous. He goes, if this guy calls, he goes, I don't even blink. I don't care if I'm in mid-send,

I don't care if I'm on stage, if this guy goes, I gotta go. Then he walks out of the room. No, just guy. So anyway, we're sitting in row four of the garden, we're so glad who walks through Brian Callan with Breck and Meyer. And we see him come through the thing,

we're like, we're so happy. Hey Brian, what's up? And he was on a show, Breck and Meyer just got a show called Inside Schwartz, with lasted about six episodes this one year Was there catholic show? What was it a catholic show? Yeah, it was a catholic show inside Schwartz So they come through the thing and we're like hey, what's going on? And he looks at it He goes what do you got row four and he walks right to the front row of Madison Square Garden?

That's it and turns and we're just cracking me turns around he goes row four and we're just cracking him, he turns out he goes, bro, four. I turn. He's the best. I fucking love that kid. I always fucking love that kid. What do we got in the chat room, D-Pooz, Hadoozzi? Yes, sure.

Andrew Jackson says, I'm a Souther and that accent offended me. I'm sorry, man. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, is that, is that general Andrew Jackson of the world of 1812? And how he's a fan? Thank you very much. Well,

you got Michael Van Hedel says Colin Quinn cake. That's our Colin Quinn cake popular at first, but quickly finished. I get it. I get it. You know what? He should have worked on the end. I think it was an altered and that would be funny. I think what do you guys get? Nick English says, Bobby's house is the first stop on the Underground Railroad. It was a week ago. That was more black people in that name than ever since when they built it Um since when they built it We just we just keep letting you go with it you go in the history Benjamin Bannaker And I like all the black people look construction workers

It was a great marriage Robert tub man It's gonna be a tub Yeah, when else you got? Oh, that was a good fat joke and you get nothing. Hey, what a gildin row four A big debate in the chat room whether or not Bobby can button his shirt Absolute let me tell you something nice first of all I did a Keith Robinson to debate Keith Robertson a month ago,

at the Comedy Cell on a Friday night, bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't do five buttons. Legitimate a hundred dollars. Now, if anybody in the chat wants to take that bet, I can do five buttons, I will take that fucking bet right now. Anybody in this room wants to take that bet, huh? I will make it five for these open micers.

But let's, I'm, you know, open markers. You guys looked at me, it was like sad at the same time. You went, ha, ha. When they were cobblers too long. Okay, I see, wait, but you gotta do one jumping jack without it opening. Okay, how much? How much?

How much? Five bucks? Sure. Five bucks? Who's in? Five bucks? I think who's in I'm good five bucks I think we should pick the buttons because you're going high top So those are gonna be easy to do yeah, but I gotta get down. I think I thought it was start with the middle and then go

Look at my stomach. I'm looking at it. Oh Five bucks one okay Two three three three then inhale three I can't wait for the jumping jack. I'm gonna run this bad I broke you I will pay you in podcast money Hot coin that third one was holding I didn't button say thank you like I just I just went to large-mont, New York, where the great comedian Eric Rivera used to live. My butt is just popped. I just had a custom suit made. Really?

Pick the material, pick the buttons, pick the pockets, pick the line. And large-mountain, you are. My wife was like, this is it. You're doing all this press, you got the thing, we got the premiere coming up, you need a suit jacket. You gotta look sharp. You need to.

He tried to get a suit at thin mong, but they were like, you should go to large mong. That's it. Nice. That's a great one. That's a great one. That's a great one. He made a joke about large mong. Wait, it is large-mont. It's large-mont. Yeah, but he made it large-mont.

Large-mont. Oh, you said you said that. I like the joke. I'm going to pick it apart. Because I thought you thought it was large-mont. You live in a fucking barrel, Oscar. It's large-mont, not large-mont. I just thought you would even know what happened was a joke fall on his lap But he didn't know what to do with it except to dissect it today No, I actually thought you did not know it was a large no a right Anyways, I didn't know A moment of silence for the Jewish jelly waitress who has to hear this every I think she died.

She wasn't there today. She wasn't there today. We have the same waitress. That's funny. You say that every week. She's old. Yeah. She's been a ghost for the last five years.

She's real as John Tandy's wife and playing strings. Oh, damn. I was referenced. Yeah, I'm a rough boy. Don't get worked up. Relax. I'm on fine. I'm a room of throat. Boy, don't get worked up, relax. I'm on fine, I'm fine. I'm breathing, stop it, you're making me more nervous by doing that. Breathe.

Anyways, this weekend, we're talking about some movies that came out. Yeah. I've heard mixed reviews about... So even when you're a poomsw white, does it still identify as brown? Nice, so Rachel goes into that. That was so good, it was bad. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Hey, the good podcast don't have a do like seven if nerd if nerd was in the title of this that would have killed I thought I was gonna learn well Jurassic Park came out this weekend mad Max was out a couple weeks ago I believe and now Antman's coming out in a couple of Jurassic Park actually came out I think June 10th

1993 but Jurassic World did come 1993 but Jurassic World did come up. You know, you can't. Don't fuck it. Don't fuck it. He knows this shit. You know, you don't. Furious. He knows this shit.

You don't fuck with him with these poppies shit. Oh, I see. I was an asshole for possibly correcting you on something you did not know. I don't mess with Mike with movies and comic books. I see. You understand? All right, fine. I'm not having him bite me with those choppers, okay?

That was standard. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, me with those choppers, okay? That was standard. I was a double standard. I'm more scared of Mike than I am a you. Yes, that's true. That's fair enough. Okay, if I get bit by him, I have to go to the doctors. All right, this one. I'm really, you see that one over there?

I'm really, at least I'm trying. Fuck. He's seen that one of us has the capacity to kill. So, all right, you saw, what movie would you see this week in Jurassic World? What'd you think about Jurassic World? It'd be careful with Jurassic World. It was dinosaurs.

I'm sorry, Mike. I liked it because it's just dinosaurs eating people. No, that sounds awesome. Yeah, that's cool because I'm scared, you know. I heard you fucking. Superman could be in the room and you could dog his cape in front of his face. I don't like that because I'm like I like shit

I want to dog this new Superman because he'd snap my neck because he forgot what he's supposed to be. Oh Christ Jesus Like that he did that like Christ Jesus is actually what Zack Snyder was going for and that was the problem. Okay, huh? Mike Mike feels really strongly about what I know. He's a comic book. Every time I read his tweet, I feel bad. Like in a movie. I'm like, damn.

I thought it was the shit. And he like, well, it didn't go right with it. Hang on one second. It's comic books. They're cartoons. Thank you. Kind of. She's trilling her hair like, is this a home?

Do I have any show? What are you gonna tell her about? What the fuck? I watched Don Terrage this weekend. Yeah, I like it. It's so great to talk about Terrage. Do you like Don Terrage the movie? I liked it.

It was entertaining. It was easy. I went with friends. I've never seen an episode. Okay, right now, go around the room. We're on Terrage. Who are we? In the movie.

Okay, let me see. I mean, Derek's probably been a chase. Who's that? The main guy. Why? Because he's in trouble. Okay, go ahead. Okay, you're Ari. You're Johnny drama. You're turtle.

No, that means he's E. He would be E. He would he would be anything you would be turtle he's just saying that because I'll kill you if you don't say that if you call me turtle fucking jump a turtle then turtle I will I will lock you in a basement to your mustache grows I don't want that to happen I'll just braid it yeah you made me ronda rousey is the worst actress she's so bad I like that they made her say fuck like she was like oh They're fucking in there and you're like that sounded so like you would

Necessy bad. I'm gonna be better delivery in I said videos. Yeah, the fucking World seriously. I want to know is terrible her renders hang on don't talk over each other. She is her Rendezzi, but she's not an actress and she's getting started these big pictures It's gonna go to don't do them until you get the fuck it's you want to do it but she physically can't she's horrible so you think she she's terrible but she's you know that she's not doing fucking web series she's coming from the pictures I'll listen problem Michael he's coming from the point of view of he got the part you know stand he'd have to take it even though he'd be terrible

He would still have to take it. She's acting what he is a podcast I thought I had a blast week and then he get off your phone. Please you're on camera. Sorry get off your phone Lenny Put your phone away. What are you doing you fucking scheduling event? I'm sorry. What are you doing? Who who's looking for you? Who? Your girlfriend Rachel Feinstein is looking for me. You stopped this show.

You stopped this show. I'm looking at you on camera, the fans are watching you. Talk to Rachel Feinstein. They got to see you. I want to blew off my fucking barbecue. Who will never be invited again. Never. Hey, they got to see him phone it in two ways. I want to blew off my fucking barbecue who will never be invited I wrote never hey

They got to see him phone it in two ways What was uh, what so what do you think yes or no that's all I don't I jump back I don't want to hear what happened because I'm gonna go see it. You don't know. Do you know move? I know exactly I'm sure I'm sure I yeah, I'm not gonna see I'm sure I just why because you watch that shit on HBO. Yeah when it comes out a year later I'm not so I'm a fucking wasting my money to go see a bunch of dick a fucking bunch of dickheads Yeah, a bunch of fucking elitist fucking assholes. What are you fucking talking about you are in that movie? You told I'm saying I was in the real world world world. I'm gonna fire you were that guy. I was terrible for real

I will my hat backwards and F. I will say that they try to pick it up. Like it's not that many years later. Like they're like, oh, it's three months ago. Why do you skin me? Yeah, they should. I don't know. He was skinny the last season though.

He was skinny the last season. We saw him in real life. My friend we were driving by. He just goes, hey turtle, like your new body. And then we just kept driving. And he, okay, give me that thing. Thanks. Oh, my gosh. Can you make this into a mustache? Wait. Hey turtle, like your new body and then we just get driving and he okay give me that thing thanks

Can you make this into a mustache Can Mike give his review please I love you I thought I look like I said I'd never seen an episode How'd you make that sexy I was invited I was like this look it's dumb fun. It's cool. It fails It's a comedy. It fails isn't But there's not one such a gumbo. Oh, what are you talking about? I would have if you liked the show you're gonna like the movie That's what it was I Never watched the show so I came here. Why would you watch it? Yeah, I mean will you talk about what are you talking about? What are you talking about? Yeah, I loved it on On a scale of one to Scopo, it's pretty good.

Look at me. I'm sorry it wasn't a fucking Marvel movie. I hate those two. I like it. I just saying it was like, it tried to do so much. Like the cameos in it or hilarious. There's 27 of them. There's literally a scene where

Peer's Morgan calls Johnny Johnny's like hi, it's peers Morgan like they all introduce themselves It's hilarious. It's Mark. Oh, man Mark Walberg's came out. It was funny. My favorite moment is what the fuck you doing? Ari yeah, yeah fucking suck my clock you fuck I'm with the real answer right my favorite moment in the movie is the one guys like you fuck my my with the real answer I'm right, but my favorite moment in the movie is the one guys like Our movies like a sink and ship in the bands playing and then he just goes Titanic reference Here's it. That's the level of until there's a thing. You know what I think is funny I watch wall burger on whatever shit that the reality show show and billboard That's he has the real entourage on it. Yeah. Okay, the real guys, and they're fucking hilarious, and they're interesting, because they're real.

And Mark's on it, you see the relationship with Donnie and the mother, and it's like, that to me, is the fucking, where they get the guy with the fucking shake of five o'clock shadow to be a superstar, I'm not buying that, this fucking werewolf that's fucking the lead. Yeah, that's what werewolves in movies look like now

that's what they look like they should look like you they do like penny dreadful i want to it's i think it's great anyways anyways i was a Jurassic park i heard Jurassic park from Gary gumman in Keith Robinson the best worst movie they've ever seen yeah it was a fun shit. Did you go with Keith? You went to the... How many people showed?

Oh, it was a lot. You know, I heard it was amazing show because somebody wasn't there. Yeah. The Commudgeon himself. Oh, that's right. You weren't there, Lennie. Because you just sit right next to Gary.

No, he sits. They sit. I got to go always go. I went with Bob last time. I said next time. Keith Robinson gets run. We were pays for everybody and we all go. But he usually shows up right before show. He'll fuck up and get the wrong show.

So we're going to go see a movie at 130. I got a two year old. I got to wake up and fucking eight. I got 130 in the morning just to got to wake up and fucking eight. I got 130 in the morning just to be social with my fucking friend because he's an old jackass and can't fucking remember to, I forgot, playa. And then we show up and he sits me next to,

you volunteered for this. Okay. I sit next to Lenny Marcus. I volunteer because I love Lenny. But I didn't know Lenny was like sit next to a fucking old asshole lady. Who doesn't get kids to spend the reality for fucking an hour now. Can I talk can I have my space? What movie was this though? Yeah, you got the Avengers. Oh, okay, okay now it's

one thirty in the morning. Oh, okay. I don't the tune it. I don't move it's a two and a half hour movie. I don't mind watching the movie. I don't need 85 previous. I don't need 40 minutes of previous. I don't know. I don't need 85 previous. I don't need 40 minutes. I don't I don't know three previews should be the one. Okay, three great previews on a movie like that, but here's what I don't need I don't need Well, I couldn't take it. I'm three. I'm through everything's a comic book for the next. Yeah, but I can't but I can't I enjoy it So I'm like me going. It's that's like me going to a fucking football game and go fuck. Oh fucking giants. Oh Eli. I wouldn't do that. I'd suck it up and watch that fucking half a goon throw a ball. You make fun of the trailers when you

talk about the trailer. That's what I was doing. They all got mad at me. They got they got mad at me. Here's the thing because black man. Sorry. We express our films in the movies. Batman comes out, the trailer for the new Batman Superman. And they know the trailer before, they just tell by the sound of the music or the pause between. It's that Warner brother logo. He goes, he goes, bruh, bruh.

Right? The kids next to me, black kids like your size, but they're comic book black kids, which are scary to me. Okay. Cause they have skateboards, okay? And backpacks. Put their hands up like fucking yes. Backpack, backpacks.

Batman is coming motherfucker. This fuck suck is just trash in it. I'm like, I'm like, I'm trash. I'm like, I'm trashed. I was not trash in it. I just went, okay, bat like, no, you were like, oh, like we need this. What do you think, Mike'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, He's fighting Superman for the first time on screen. There you go. And it's an adaptation of Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns from the 1986, which is the seminal story. And people want to see that.

Seminal, he used to wear a fucking seminal, Lenny. What are you going to say to Seminal? Yeah. Looking forward to it, Mike. I'm not going to lie. What are you saying to Seminal? Say it. What do you got?

Do I have to go to see it? I think Eisenberg is. Yes. The store is going to make it. Here's the deal. When Batman and Superman happens You're coming and where you're gonna sit right next to Your Mike you're coming to Mike's coming you're coming man

In W.A. Movie too. What's that? I was I'm not a doctor. I'm not a doctor. I'm not seeing that. Wait, it's not rated. I'm not going to be rock. Can I say something? I'm not going to one thirty in the morning. I'm always going to be rock instead.

I'll do that. I want to see Tarantino. And the Avengers that they fight AIDS instead of open. I want to see Tarantino's, what was the last one they did? Spoiler alert. What's the movie just, what's the last one? What's the Jango? Jango.

I want to see Jango. I loved it. And I want to see Jango. I loved it. And I wanted to see it in Cambridge, the whitest theater in the world. I'm talking the whitest of white people. And then right when the movie started, there were four seats kind of scattered. And four of the blackest of black people I've ever seen come in and sit in the middle of the theater and ruined it for everybody. Because the first 10 minutes is endless,

and then that and then this and it's people. And we're just like, and we're just waiting for them to laugh like because it was funny lines that some people were saying, but we were like waiting for them to go hot and we're like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, that shit really happens. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's gonna be the exact opposite at the end of the way. Hey, what's up, buddy? How you doing? Yeah, go ahead Tony. See everybody the master that how you feeling man? Yeah, good man. Good. I love Tony. Uh, who was that? Yeah, I'm not a fucking answer in that.

I don't fucking. I remember I saw a little show. I saw a so much and there was a black guy in the deer that was on his phone the entire time And we're all just like I guess we have to just let this happen Yeah, yeah, you do Fucking fight for those rights, but I saw a jungle Christmas with a whole bunch of black people so I couldn't it was beautiful Where I was at yeah, yeah walked out on a white people's like There's like five six. I'm gonna say sorry. No no apologies. I would I would have been like it fuck out here with that man But not it was good show. I like jangle all right listen Well, we're gonna go to the chat room real quick. We're gonna wrap this up. What's the Ant-Man's coming out?

I'm not gonna see it by the way By the way, I had to say Mad Max by far is one of the best movies in the years I Somebody tell me Don't fuck every yaps over each other. I thought they was like 100 words 100 what do you mean 100 words? I heard there's no no dialogue in the whole movie. There doesn't need to be there's Max man, yeah, they just driving in the sand Kill him all fuckers. That's what I can't fucking do it for me. It's for now. I need some kind of did it man. It will it was wow It's one of the best things I've ever seen. Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not now

I'm seeing toys in the theater, but they always gonna take some chick. Okay, no offense and Shave her head and make her this bad ass. Are you really you're gonna beat the fuck? Are you gonna kill some guy with abs and some crazy guy with a fucking hatchet? She's but a man helped her though. So yeah, but yeah, but I heard she had some bite They gave her a bionic arm. Yeah, and all of a sudden she can kick the shit out everybody. Yeah really come on fuck you Fuck you. I'm not better. It's a really H.O.P.A.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d. But was there in the comic book right there was a comic book man? No, no, no, no, no. Was there a book that was just from the movie? It's from the movie that so it's Miller created.

So he's just making this shit up so he added this fucking world. Yeah, really the hottest chick on the fucking planet is all of a sudden the baddest I can't buy her. Sure, he's the Ron like she was in monster and stuff. She's always had that credibility. I can't fucking buy her as a bad-ass Check she's too smoke and fucking hot If you don't I could I could have bought a fucked up. Yeah, if you got a tell you if you a fuck

You get me Okay, hang on second Bobby. I will use the money that you all of us for your terrible bet and Give it back to you so that you can go see this. Max pretty good. I'm telling you it's fun. I didn't hear what you just said. What did you say?

The terrible bet. The terrible bet. Oh the bet. The bad. Why do I hear bat? I think I'm having a stroke. I really lose. Let's go see it.

Let's go see it. Went tonight. Whenever. Let's go tonight. Can't tonight. Let's go see it. Can we just go this weekend after the tonight. I think you still have to do this. Can't tonight. Let's go see it. Can we just go this weekend after shows?

Why do we fight like a gay couple? Why can't you just do what I'd like to do? Why can't I tell you I can't go tonight? Why can't you let me be the alpha male? It was gonna fight me. You're not gonna win. Bobby and Lenny is my favorite off off off Broadway. Okay.

I can't at all, but I'm so happy. It really should be a show. More concious, please. My girlfriend thinks that should be the show. I love your girlfriend. She's so great because she's such a rock I'm telling you man this movie I'm gonna go see it. I'm gonna go see it with Lenny this week at some point We'll get back whenever he's available Now who's the crewman? We'll go see it and then I'll give my review next time you're on the show

Just watch it as a film can I ask a one question before we while we have Mike Amin what do you think's gonna be you're looking forward to it? Give me something um when Edgar right left my love for the movie left So I think it's just gonna be a product. I think it's gonna start the tide of people not loving these movies as much And man, I think it's gonna start with the- I believe you're actually right. This is gonna be the fall of these type of movies because they got greedy. They got fucking greedy. That's a greedy movie.

Well because the thing is, and I will be brief, but Ant-Man and Iron Man were the first two Marvel Studios movies developed in 2006. Iron Man came out first, and it was like this passion project that Edgar Wright who did Sean of the dead and all those movies did they fired him they replaced him with the guy who did bring it on and so now you're gonna get this and it's just I feel like it's not gonna be great. Bring it on.

It's your leader movie. Yes. How the fuck do you put that together? Here's what happened was Edgar Wright had Scott Pilgrim and World's End, which are great fucking movies, but they didn't make a lot of money, and Marvel kept making more money with their movies, so they got all artistic leverage, and they were able to tell them, do this, and do that, and do this, and he lost freedom of the vision that he originally had, and so he walked. They fucking do that with everything.

That's why I love, I'm not saying this because I'm on FX, that's why I love fucking FX. Unlike other network shows that have to have their myths and everything and ruin, FX literally lets most of these people go, here's the money, go make us something and we'll air it. And that's the last thing. And they will give their critiques,

but it's not like they're fucking fucking things up. They, you know, it's like, you let the people who fucking, you dance what would brought you. You don't, but that's the last thing I'll say about Mad Max is that it's an anomaly today because it's made by a 70 year old guy, with just a bunch of money,

he went to the fucking Namibian desert for three years And he came back with this and it feels handmade. There's barely any CGI. It's like a breath of fresh air I'm gonna check it out. I heard I heard it was fucking shit. It's funky I heard it was shit and I was heard it was awesome, but I heard more shit than awesome So how is the drag now? How is Jurassic World? I mean like I mean love it like I'm inside all right Well love it, but I liked it isn't it the same as the first one though. Well, you know They got a souped up tea. They made it don't fucking don't you dare oh, sorry Don't you say girl are a megalodon? They got another chick chick that you know pretty much ruins everything and you know

How do you feel about that? I'm just a girl. My only thing is the dinosaurs look better. Dinosaur's a guy, they look better. They look better 22 years ago. Well, you know, they was a 22 years when Jurassic Park had a jet gobbled up, stop, stop, stop, stop. 20 fucking two years ago, Jurassic Park in on 93.

Do you understand how finished we are? Yeah. I'm done. Finished. I thought that came out like fucking eight years ago Jurassic Park in 1993. Do you understand how finished we are? Yeah. I'm done. I thought that came out like fucking eight years ago. No, boy. No. Twenty two years ago. Yeah. Super scary. That's still a great movie too. Yeah, I still have a great movie. How fucking crazy is that? Are you alright? Why are you doing this week? What's happening? It's a very good panic attack with something. I'm alive for something that happened 22 years ago that I remember. Yeah. It's freaking me out a little.

Let me. How do you feel about that? That's awful. I was eight. I was eleven years. Fuck you. Fucking the youth. It was one of the last cultural moments.

It was one of the last movies everyone saw. No one, there's none of that anymore. Jurassic Park played it. Remember there was $1.75 movies? Oh yeah. They always had Jurassic Park literally played it the one in my neighborhood for like two years. Yeah, yeah. But movies could just be for fucking ever. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking a. All right. Go to the chat room real quick. Sure. Andrew Jackson says

Jurassic World is awful. Andrew Jackson. Rent Jurassic Park one instead. Same movie. I watched Jurassic Park one this weekend and it was great i was still scared out at the end with the fucking uh... the last source raptors has a and the raptors that i mean when they uh... what they do learn how to open doors cocoon i was like oh shit with the kids in the kitchen and he's running down the dummy looks at a mirror and fucking hits his head it was terrifying

i i think you're asking what a fucking great movie i agree with you what's going on i haven't seen the movie i'm gonna go see it by the lawyer on the toilet white poop I call back Mr. Damott says Doritos for when the florist is closed the same guy I don't think so just Leslie was dying to ask what your your favorite show at Bonner Roo was? Okay, Leslie. Um, the chicken.

I went, I went. I was staying because I, FX put me up an hour in Nashville, so I couldn't get back and forth. Tears for fears was playing on Friday night. Oh, that's fucking original lineup. I was, yeah, I was dying to see, I don't know if it was original, but I was dying to see them and I didn't make it to see them.

I fucking killed me because I heard they were, they played all the songs. They played shout, shout, get it all out. These are the world, none are dead in the house. That's a good word. Come on. There you go. Come on. That was also 22 years ago.

You know what I love about T.S. for fear? That band that when it came out, it was like, oh my God. Then it just turned to fucking just shit. Like if you liked them, you're fucking idiot. And now it's like, you cannot. If you, when you're at a concert, imagine just going shout, shout. Mad world with them. Fuck, you mad world, right?

Yeah, man. I mean, all those bands are fucking awesome now. And then I didn't see them, so I fucking sucks. And then the guy, I'm in the cinematant. I wanted to see the guy and fuck, no, I forget his name, Antonio. I forget his last name. He played the drums He's a drummer that did all the drumming on Birdman played

He played live while the mute the while you watch the movie. Oh, that's for awesome And I was like I gotta go see this. He's in the same tent right before I forgot I'm sitting outside smoking a cigar for like 20 minutes. I'm like yeah, I go I'm just gonna go in the dressing room here. I go in there all of a sudden. All right, he walks in. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? He goes, I just played, I go, where?

He goes right there. I'm like, fucking idiot. I'm just an idiot. I could have just watched it for nothing. So to answer your question, so Bobby didn't go to a fabulous, yeah. You go to anything? I didn't go to a lot of shows.

Did you see anybody? No. I've been. Sorry. Go ahead. What else? I send a touch in a zero without gloves. All right. Well, that's it. That's it. Was that it? Yeah. That's about it for now. Well, all right. Well, all right. Fuck Jesus Christ. Well, we have a follow up like the guy before who was talking about what you're gonna get mad at me for. I'm just asking you. You fuck so I could just say no, I say no, but it was the follow up I don't want to disappoint you Bobby, that's all But you don't want to disappoint me, go ahead, read it

Alright, so before the guy was talking about how his girlfriend has a hairy asshole, he has a follow up for that Yeah He was like, he says, alright, so imagine she's on all fours, doggy style Gotcha Everything is clean, right? And nice, but there's a little mohawk on top of her asshole in the crack. Right, there you go, that's it.

That was it. Why would you fucking disappoint me? You motherfucker, check more out of you. You're Indian for God's sake, you should know. Anyways, all right guys, listen, I'm gonna wrap this up real quick. It's been a fucking hilarious show. I hope you had a good time.

Hope you son of a bitch is in the chat room had fun. Hope wasn't too boring for you Nothing That was a post. I know your chat room was fucking killing today. You guys are hilarious That one guy's killing well, there was a couple other ones that were funny. Yeah, maybe you know But so let's go around, let's go. Rose Puzzle, let's go around the room, give your, uh, way you're gonna be, or whatever you want to plug.

You can plug, we got man. Derek Gaines, uh, Derek Wongan's on Twitter. I'll be at the cell of Thursday night, late show, um, I'm filming Brook As Game Show season 2 on MTV for all the people that might watch MTV. Maybe a lot of people watch MTV. Yeah, so, uh, yeah, they're fucking nine year olds, but they want it. So I'm so great fan base starting film that next week So also got that but other net just don't stand up right there. Actually coming on man. Thank you for having me. I appreciate you got it brother

Hello case of all shim and Sorry That's what your name again? Casey Ballsman, Casey Wayne, she said balls. I had to say balls, and this is taking me right back having a much of that You do this, you do this, and you have a lot of stuff. Hey everybody Where would you play? I'll be at the stand at my club in Rinshron Oh hey everybody.

That was my first boyfriend. Was he your first boyfriend remembers? Oh, man. No, the first time I was like, If she did that in LA, they would give her three development deals. I don't get it, but I love it. Life with a mustache.

And the mustache has its own like, she's quirky character. I love her persona. Oh, now the persona's gone. Oh wait, I have to take a meeting and then spring the finger down. You have to order your Starbucks like that. Can I have a Camel Mockyato?

I'm going to have a Camel Mockyato. And she'll have. There's two of us. There's two. I will be the stand for the same improvised standup show, which is blast. And that's on the 24th. Thanks for coming on. Thanks for coming back on. I have a good time. Thank you for having a great time. Thanks for having my back.

You got it. No problem. What do you got, Kermudgeon? I'll be with you at the seller probably this weekend. Yay. Yay. And maybe we'll go to the movies. Yay.

Maybe we'll do it Friday or Saturday night. Yay. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome. See that face right there? Look at that face. See that? That's when he kills. That's the face he has.

Let me mark this dot com. Let me mark this dot com. One of my favorite people on the planet earth. What do you got Mike? Just follow Bobby Kelly's calendar to know where I won't be. I wasn't invited. I will be opening for Mark Marin next week. More dates. opening for Mark Marin next week more dates and sooning a bam in Brooklyn, a brand new jersey, a portchester in Huntington, a Thursday through Sunday. So Mark Marin is killing it right now.

Oh yeah, it's fucking doing great. I'm happy for it. I love seeing him. I actually did an episode of his show that starts this week. What do you mean? Oh, the IFC show. Is IFC show?

Marin, which is a, this season is hilarious, man. I'm not even kidding. I read some of the scripts. Fucking hilarious. It's the best season yet of Marin. Hilarious. I can't wait for it to come on. And not just because I'm,

I had to take my shirt off in it, which is, I'm gonna shift it up. Well, we'll start naked on Louis, what do you mean? I know, I should just be used to it by now. Fucking awfulness. Let me walk another street with a shirt off, broiling it, that's just awful. Anyways, so check out Marin,

and check out Michael, open it up for Marin. He is one of the funniest guys rolling around right now. So, and one of my most interesting people I know, I'm glad with friends. Oh, me as I ace to talk about Marin. I think I'm the funniest people I know, well, that's not me, yeah.

Thanks for coming on up. Thanks buddy, man, thanks. What do you got? I got a Twitter at Chris Gopo and Bobby's dates right here, June 27th. Let's do him first. Let's do, we got, there he is. Look at him, look at him, ladies.

That's the cute Deepo. Hey, everybody. Hi, look into the camera when you talk say hi. Hey everyone You can follow me on Twitter at our to depo and doing stand up around town dates on Twitter also, you know That's it. I guess don't forget we have these beautiful shirts comedy seller and Robert Kelly Live at the village on the ground. Do we mail the guys shirt? I know I'm actually gonna I got you sign it today All right, cool. We're gonna sign it today. All right. There we go And what do I got you got treehouse and sports haven with you with me and Lewis J. Gomez. Yeah, and then July 16 17th 18th got them comedy club. Yeah, let's get on that. July 24th 25th

Springfield, New Jersey at the comedy cove And I'm governors August 7th and a one Zah and 1zzah in Bohemia 1zzah in Belmont Yeah, so make sure you go to robberkilllive.com and check out all my dates Buy my special if you haven't bought it's right there on robberkilllive.com you can hit the button five buckets And you get the whole unedited Extended version of my special no fucking beeps like they showed on Comedy Central So you know and if you bought it, thank you and and if you haven't bought it, go buy it, and if you're not going to buy it, you're a fucking dick-wad.

That's who I feel. Real fast, a guy who gave you the serving board wants to know if you like it. Yes, I gotta say, what's his Twitter is Nick English. Nick English, you should follow him. This guy is a word worker, okay? He made us the Dick Gavill. Where's the Dick Gavill? It's underneath.

Where? Is there a Dick Gavill under there? Can I have that? He fucking handcrafted this beautiful, I feel like I'm on QVC. You can get this, there's actually on stretch peg. This handcrafted Dick Gavill, and I believe he used his own cock.

I think he just looked down and whittled this. It is a perfect, I mean, if I was gonna put something in my ass, it would be this. Look at that, look at the, look at the perfect, I mean, right? Anybody, right? What do you think? I mean, yeah.

You like this cook? Is it a nice one? It's a little skinny. Wow, you're a whore. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,, he made us this, but he also made me this, I mean, he should have put the show in Boston with this beautiful cutting board that he made for, you know, a Shakutri or some cheeses. And my wife, I brought it home, she's like, what the, ah, she was so fucking excited.

It's a dick cutting board. So follow him and he does, you can actually, if you have anything you need or, you know, you want any woodworking or done, this is the mother fucker right there, unbelievable. I also wanna thank Boston Scally for sending me a couple of those hats, they're amazing, Boston Scally Company, they're unfuckin' believable.

Who else do we have to thank, Scopo? The comedy seller? Of course we thank the f***er comedy seller. The best club on the planet. F***** earth. You guys are the best people for showing up. I had a blast today. It was a f***** really fun show.

We'll see you guys next week. You guys are the best fans in the world. Thanks for actually listening. You know what dude podcast? Spreading the word. Subscribe to the YouTube page every week. And I'm not just saying this. This show is getting bigger and bigger and bigger because of you guys is spreading the

word. I want to thank f***** Christopoe and Deepu for making this shit. Just saying this, this show is getting bigger and bigger and bigger because of you guys to spread in the world. I want to thank fucking Chris Scopo and Deepu for making this shit go to the next level. You guys are the best. We'll see you next week. You know what, dude. Y todos los videos son los videos de la gente. Y todos los videos de la gente. Y todos los videos de la gente. Y todos los videos de la gente. Y todos los videos de la gente. Y todos los videos de la gente.

Y todos los videos de la gente. Y todos los videos de la gente. Y todos los videos de la gente. Y todos los videos de la gente. Y todos los videos de la gente. Y todos los videos de la gente. Y todos los videos de la gente. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan.

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Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.