Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Flood City!

Episode Date: July 23, 2012

Comedian Yannis Pappas joins the YKWD crew. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, Network Riotcast.com Hey, why KW Defense? I'm going to be starting this podcast out on a sad note. Unfortunately, Steve Carlycee has passed away. Good friend of the opening Anthony Shell and a good friend of mine is gone. I want you guys to go to my website robertkellylive.com, the front page, and donate to the Steve Carlyse fund. The page was set up to ease the burden of his wife, his son, and his stepdaughter. So if you go to robacadelive.com, I'm going to leave it up there for a week or so. And you can spread the word about the page, the URL.

Don't know whatever you need, whatever you can. Five dollars. You can donate five thousand dollars. Whatever you got, will help the family out. You can even know what you can do it anonymously, but make sure you do it. So go to robocardialive.com, click the link, Steve Carly, see Memorial Fund, all the money's going to, his wife MJ, his son and his stepdaughter to help out. It's a sad sat day, another one, another friend,

has passed away. It's been a shit couple of years, I tell you that. So, that's it. Now enjoy this fucking hilarious podcast. Hey YKWD fans in Seattle, check out Robert Kelly Live at the Partle Live Comedy Club in Bellevue, Washington. He'll be there this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, July 26th, 27th, 28th. Get up, get out, and check them out.

Go to robberkillylive.com for tickets and information. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Kreiser. Staying cookin', you are listening to robber kelies. You know what dude?

You know what dude? You know what dude? This is robber ke Kelly's you know what dude you know what dude I will stab each and every one of you fucking cock suckers. Talk about Boston. With what? With what? Don't bring that bean town. Alright, let's do a mic check so I can make sure I forgot how to do this shit.

Okay. I spent more time on the fucking banner. It's been bugging the fuck out of me because she puts the photos on the internet and it's always either me, like you get cut out or I get cut out because she's trying to get, because she's fucking OCD. She wants to, you know what, dude, banner in the middle of the photo. So you're cut out or I'm cut out because it's she she's trying to get because she's fucking OCD. She wants the you know what dude banner in the middle of the photo so you're cut

out or I'm cut out. I'm surprised there's never descriptions of the pictures with like a 300 words. This is me and Bobby and Jerry and Janice and we all sitting in this video and this is a very fun podcast and then we recorded it and it's like fucking cut it down to six words. This was the episode. I you know what I'm such a lonely cunt that I actually like her long text messages. Well, that's because, yeah, it's because you're like one of those prisoners that's like,

that likes getting fucking, that likes getting letters from housewives. Wow, wow, you know what though? She fucking really, you almost saved it and she kicked you right in your face at the last second. She did. You're really?

Alright, I think hang on one sec. Just give me one sec. Get one too, get one too, you silly. Get a little snare. Get a little snare. Yeah, let me hear you. Let me hear you, dude. Hello, hello, one, two, three.

Alright. What's up, Bliss? Let me hear you, Bliss. Hey, for breakfast, I had a cheeseburger that took a long time. Holy fuck, that took a long time. Let me hear you. I read it Kelly let me hear you Everybody fill suck on that mic. Let me just incase you say He's got the hairiest knees ever. I just get it. What the fuck was that?

What the fuck was that? Sounds like Kelly blue Last week you were commenting he's wearing shorts and he said he had the hairy sneeze There's no one to remember anything that happens in his show now. They wonder how does well is you do? Let's I just want to do a quick Okay, fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up. No, me. I'll take that. I'm sorry. My I did. Take a hit dude. That fucked with my inner ear. Yeah. Not the outer the side. It's stood up right now. It falls down. That fucked with my third inner ear. You have a third inner ear. I don't know. Hang on. Let me hear.

It's the sound of the ocean. Okay. We decided we took a break and we took a we're leaving that in. We hope to pinchist you off we hope you're driving a semi and then they do Karina to the Jersey barrier and run over a minivan full of soccer girls I really hope that there's a guy in his cubicle that's just typing and then I go With Rory and accounting You're with Rory huh? Rory I think of the count named Rory. I'm a big fan of the name. I think it's just what I'm saying now you with Rory, huh? I'm with Rory. I'm thinking of the counten named Rory. I'm a big fan of the name, Rory.

I think it's just that. But I'm saying that for an accountant. My Rory, like, lays brick. The Rory is a fucking Rory. That's a Jewish name. Yeah, what? He wants to do a Jewish name. Yeah, Rory.

Rory, Harmitsumich. I grew up in Rory. Oh, you didn't know his last name. It was Rory. It was Jewish. It was Rory. Everything. Everything.

It was Rory. Go home. Mm. It was really... Go home. Listen, all right, we're here with another episode of, you know what, dude? Thank you, Joe, for trying. I was gonna do the... You know what, dude? The fact that you still suck at it.

It's still great. Infuriating. I find it in dear. We're talking about stand-up now. No! He's back It's awkward we shouldn't we shouldn't hang up before we would hang up like three hours would be like yeah, you're hilarious You're great, and then the fucking Michael's on like you suck. Thank you. You're a drunk

We got drunk we got the truth Joe Joey list is back by popular demand And it's kind of getting the fucking knowing people who really started They're actually like fuck Joe Derosa fuck me. I got fuck me. Yeah, I mean we always get fuck Kelly Everybody wants to fuck Kelly get it Good today. Thank you. Oh Oh Good today. Thank you. Oh You look great You I see we we have

She said my face looks good. That is my face look bad Oh, I brush look very nice Have you been taking care of your eyebrows? No, he has been that's why the best part of when you do Kelly is your stupid eyes turn into Kelly's eyes I have to have to have the minute her face. We got the you know fucking Dan Soda Soda the fucking shooting star of comedy the rising Oh my god, how can we get to everything everybody loves him? But all his friends are starting to hate him

Success over friendship. Yeah, you thought believe me in our getting. I'm not I'm not like that. Yeah, you are your corporate Dan dude. You'd work you'd Robert. Yes. Big fan of the show. Just want to say big fan of yours. Love everyone here. If I could just for a second, take a time out to plug something. Yeah, I don't have anything to plug. And of course, Kelly. That's it, just Kelly.

Kelly, no more fat Kelly. Kelly, no. No, she's not fat, it's done. It's a wrap, she's not fat. I mean, she's got a mushy ass and mushy tits. Maybe mushy Kelly. She's a mushy, I'm sorry Kelly. I was like, I'm sorry, it's a fat.

I know, I know. She always has the voice of an abused child, that face face that's abuse child face. Yeah, we all have that Yeah, we're all fucking abuse look at this face. I think that was a fucking no, that's unloved That was actually born three months to early face Printer bird face Cracked out of the egg before he's supposed to I I actually saw Dan feeding Dan by spitting food into his mouth. I'll jump and then he's got some soft burpee. Open up, open up.

Jesus. And we have special guests today. Who I, I mean we've never really hung out. We don't really know each other. But I've heard, and they keep telling me, you got to have Yannis on. You got to have Yannis. I hear great things about you, dude. So Yannis poppice, right?

Is that how you say it? And it's Greek and not. Greek is name in the business. And Yannis puppy. I know. I didn't know Yannis, you could shorten it to Yannis. Well, in Greek. And until I met your dad, was that a show?

And he's like, Yannis, you didn't, I was like, oh, it's a talk like days from Brooklyn. Why'd you just make them turn? I don't know. Talk like days from Brooklyn, why'd you just make them turn? I don't know. I feel bad, I feel bad for five o'clock Phil, because he now he has a little competition. And again, yeah. Yeah.

See, look at that, did you shave this morning? We're both trying to hide half our face. So welcome to the show, dude. And where you from? I'm from Brooklyn. Are you from Alabama? I'm from Brooklyn. I'm from Brooklyn. I'm from Brooklyn. from? From Brooklyn. Are you from Alabama? From Brooklyn. I'm from Brooklyn. I'm from Brooklyn.

I'm from Brooklyn. Cut off the apron. Yeah, we say you say Brooklyn. We say Brooklyn. Um, and how long have you been doing comedy? How'd you get started? Inside the comedian studio. Do you dirty?

Do you work blue? Fuck it. Suck a dick. It's the worst when you do those shows. And the, you know it's common, you know. So I know they can't help but ask it because there's only five questions you can ask a comment. What are you talking about?

Yeah, like how do you, I fucking hate you. We're doing free. We're doing free. We're doing free. The top three can be. Well, most podcasts when you walk it, like when you do like a shitty podcast, that's all they ask you.

Is there like, so what's your outlook on comedy? We don't think about women in comedy Oh, sorry It's got to the point there's so many podcasts you got to figure out creative ways to turn them down now I used to do everyone until I started ending up in like an open micers basement everyone until I started ending up in like an open micers basement. And I thought, yeah. All right. Yeah, because people will call you and be like,

dude, I got this podcast. It's called, fuck, infusion of comedy. And you're like, oh, shit, okay. And you show up, and it's some fucking idiot with a, you know, a Yeti microphone and his mom's basement. He's like, mom, what's that? Yeah. He's got 14 listeners.

You're like, wait, this isn't going to help me sell tickets and be a gift. Yeah. Because I did so many of them to the point where I'd like, wait, this isn't gonna help me sell tickets in Pagipsi. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I did so many of them to the point where I'd like, I think people started referring me like, yo, he'll do it. I felt bad. I did that, I did that to Yonis.

You're like a, you were one of the first ones that one of the, you did it on this show. Well, no, I wanted Yonis cause this is a fun show, but this, I was trying to bang that chick and it, she's like, my brother's got a podcast, what'd you do? She's like, he's a huge fan of Jonas. And I like, like, wrote the honest email like, we please do this dude's podcast. And then, Jonas is like, I'm not going to do it. It's just turning. Well, it's funny, too.

It really is like a chick that gives great head when you find out these cocks, I guess, find out you'll do a podcast. It's LAs the same way, too. They have these rooms in LA. All these fucking assholes have these one-nighters. And once they see you at a club dude I got to show. You know, you all come down and you do it. You're like, this fucking four people here. I'm fucking me, motherfucker. I don't do this. It was always packed the week before though. Yeah, it's always packed the week before. I don't know what happened.

I don't know what happened this week. What's been in the news before. I don't know what happens. I don't know what happened this week. What's been in the latest blame, whatever current events happening? I say it was holiday. What's the closest holiday? Christmas was four months ago. So sports teams, the nets play Wednesday.

That's what I get. But you guys, I get that. True blood, true blood song. I get that when you were at the clubs, and I'm headlining. Yeah, it's like, dude, there's a fucking boat that just came in town. Like someone bought a boat.

What? What if it's Blue Jackets have a home and home series with an idiot? I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did to the stage by crowds are a bit animal get to the stage y'all see the two people yeah he has actually a before show glasses and after show glasses let's go to the first class a little darker yeah a little dark eye contact while he's signing autograph fuck me it's so weird though how some

comics though it really is some comics there's people stick, just stick. I mean, immediately stick and they stay with them and they show the fuck up. And some guys, everybody in this room is fucking hilarious. All right, almost everybody. You know, when Joe's coherent, he's fucking hilarious. He's like, I'm at the table.

Yeah. Um, Joe's like an old blues guitar I should have to wake up to go play Yeah, the best number one. I mean we've had some nights. I would go number. Well, you two good both good But I would go number one him and a him and a man real Unreal. But man gets mean. Yeah, that's why it's fun. It's fun. It's fun. What about the roger's, the roger's a bad drunk. The roger just keeps taking his glasses on and off.

He's too busy. He's too busy to worry about pushing the bad guy in the lake. Or is he causing stink? When you get drunk with the roger, you're like reevaluate your life. I was hanging out with the morning. Like, I can't hang out with this dude anymore. He's like, you're going to girls like, well, we think

her pussy looks like. I was hanging out with the roger last night. And with this dude anymore. He's like looking at girls like we think her pussy looks like I was hanging out with the Rose the last night and he's like I gotta get some new stink Yeah, I was like what did you run the O'Farell theater in the 60s? You wrote a sex club. He called me up. He said he goes dude. I'm gonna die this neighborhood's gonna kill me I'm like why he goes this is a place around the corner every shot you get a free slice of pizza It's like what the fuck only joke and find a neighborhood like yeah shot you get a free slice of pizza. It's like what the fuck? Holy joke, it could find a neighborhood like that. Yeah.

20, it's 20, it's grand, it's grand. It's like it. Why, they're not going to know his apartment, Kelly. This is New York. This isn't the suburbs where my, he lives on Elm Street. And he's not Elvis either. Who the fuck, who the fuck's going to show up? Who's banging down that soft-body door?

I want to see what it looks like a man with no bones. You can never Facebook him and ask him his address. We were at live by shirt listing at Nate's house last week. Through that we called. He said his body looks like a Christmas tree. Graham K called Joe took off his shirt in the Canadian front of our Scram K goes his body looks like a Christmas tree It's cheap like a triangle Joe sends me He I it makes me laugh. He just sends me random photos of him naked in weird positions

I don't know I don't know I don't know why but he does it and I don't and I makes me so happy He like someone half shaved a pay and put it on his chest. He looks like rolling haryels. You know, do you want to see the wine country? Sonoma body. Yeah, like it's like. So anyways, yeah, it's weird that you do these clubs and, I mean, let me, I want to go back to this though.

It's people do like, I don't know how many fans you, you have or, you know, you guys have, but like, you know, I've done stuff. I've seen it. Well, I want to go back to this though. People do like, I don't know how many fans you have or you guys have, but like, you know, I've done stuff. I've seen it. Well, we know. I have five bartenders at like, I did tour gassum, okay? And I've done a tour with Dane, and there was over a million people. And I should have at least out of a million people

that saw me on those shows, and I fucking deny, I didn't have one bad show, and I'm not sucking my own I fucking deny I didn't have one bad show and I'm not sucking my own cock You know I just didn't have one bad show, okay? I'm showing you that they were I remember watching it was all like behind the scene No, not even that the big tour we went on I'm talking about Yeah, but the HBO show that it made right yeah, they didn't show any clips of this I'm so glad they didn't show my stand-up because I fucking I looking back on that now it was just fine I know that was a decision.

Somebody very smart made and it was just fucking now. Let's just cut the fucking bald fuck out. Let's just show him yelling because my stand I mean, it was look my my standup was good at a club live. I could do it, but on TV certain certain comedy doesn't fly. Gary gomen on TV is fucking amazing. Set up punch tag on television works, it's just beautifully.

Story telling or fucking my type of shit, if it's not really good, it doesn't have the set up and punch a tag hidden in there somewhere and it's just fucking, bleh! You know what I mean? I just, I mean to be honest, I wasn't, I'm better now than I was then.

But, uh, but, uh. My favorite thing ever is Bobby, you never brag about your standup, but you said one of my favorite lines ever when you were talking about a leery show that you enjoyed. Yeah. And then Deroza goes, yeah, fucking Bobby murdered and Bobby without even missing it because

I'm a fucking hammer. That's the way he said it. I was like, that'm a fucking hammer. That's how he said it. I was like, that was so cool. Even this is the way he said it. I can go up a fucking hammer. I've been up after everybody. I've got a weird fucked up set, after Patrice on a No One A show.

I've gone up after Norton on his own show. I've gone up after Burr. I mean, I just, I can go up and do it. But, you know, it's weird that like I did these show. I did 80 shows with Dane He fucking fill these places up 10 to 20,000 people to show and I should have at least 100,000 people on Twitter You would think but they don't stick if they're not your fans They just don't stick to it. It's like an opening band. I've gone and see concerts and you see an opening band

You're like I like these guys and then you never follow and you know what when that when that when that happened in that Shut-Hobbing that was kind of right before The social media think kind of took off. No, I'm talking about after I just did a tour with them two years ago Oh an arena tour of all the major arenas in the country and Canada So we did we we did no joke 10,000 to 20,000 people a night What's for 80 shows? What on a? We fly in on a fucking G4, okay? Just three. They did a G6.

They didn't make a M. You know that G? Like a G6. They did. It was 18 person private jet. There was four people on there. Is that a real thing? No, that's not.

Great. No, but there is a lump inside the woman's vagina. Oh, she's sick. Is that what it's like? I'll see. I don the woman's vagina oh she said that girl is that girl she said that girl might want to get that checked out she should be serving her getting sure of this or something i finger vigorously like it is there though dude one of the first times yana's and i ever got drunk

i think that was that cabin and yana's was so wasted he tried showing me his fingering technique oh my god but what he did is he wrapped his arm around my neck because he was so waste that he tried showing me his fingering technique. Oh my God. But what he did is he wrapped his arm around my neck because he was so drunk. And he's like, this fucking finger on my back, this fucking finger on my back. You're gonna try to finger my mouth? What are you doing?

That's one of your bits. Did you put him in a headlock to do your bit for him? No, I fucking, he literally was just like, I fucking, I think I fucking like this. And I was just like, oh my God. That's awful. I love your plan. They're like, what are you doing? Yeah, that hurts.

I'm trying to shake change out of their pocket. Okay. I was it. I was like, alien's poking at my body. I found the G spot. I guarantee you, like a, you look like a, you look like a, you look like you, you look like you would enjoy this figure.

I'm a, a vigorous thing. Doesn't she look like she would, like, like, this is got really crazy because I don't stop talking I listen to me like you like a nice show your face shut up listen I found the there is a g spot and it's a it's um whoa shit it's in the pussy but well yeah yeah

all right that's all I need to know. Only hard go back to work. It's my bad. But the thing is only Asian girls have to. That's you're absolutely right. It's my Asian girls. And it turns into a giant turtle. It will fly away. I don't know. What kind of acid trip are you on?

I don't know. I was thinking of Cregion Double Veeja. They've been around a lot. Yeah, it's inside the Pusswack. If you go in the Rietha, a lot. Yeah, it's inside the pushwack. If you go in the uretha, and then you go, it's really, it's kind of near the bladder, which is weird. That's why girls sometimes feel like they want to piss themselves

when they're coming really hard. It's near the SKE and ES glands. Skin glands. No, not skin, and the erectile tissue. So you've got to kind of go in with your fingers Yeah, in and up and then fucking shake it. You get a like a Shake it shake it shake it shake it Kelly do you have anybody touch a g-spot? Yeah, really? Yeah, what was his name?

That fat dumpy dickie head inside you from that do the picture we saw you oh that fat, dumpy dicky head inside here from that dude, the picture we saw. You? Oh, great dick. Great. No, I didn't say him again. I found a great photo of the fucking the G-Spot. Look at that, that's good, it's got the fingers in it. It's actually got the fingers. Yeah, look at that.

Can you spin that around? Yeah, I'll spin it around. Look at that. So you go in, wow, you got to reach in and hook. It's like he's clutching a roach. Yeah. We can go to take a last hit. So you got to have your thumb out.

It's like an inhaler. You're going to have your thumb outside on the bush fat, OK? And then you stick your index finger in, your ring finger, and your middle finger in, and you hook them. And you push them together. And you push them together. And then you fucking wrap. Yeah.

Oh, this is crazy. So is it true? And you push him together and then you fucking yeah So is it true like if you like cuz I have done that to some girls where I've given him the old jackhammer And it's flood city man. Yeah What are you What are you hand is like a levy holding back of the guy would love how to last night go? Lobster claws How did last night go? Blood city. He's done the lobster claws. Blood city. Blood, fingers, poppies. Oh, if it comes out of bedroom, like a lobster. Blood city.

Oh, baby, here comes blood city. I'm going into blood city. Why? You got a sleeping blood city. Oh baby here comes Flood City Why you're sleeping flood city What what now would you you ever make a girl have an orange like an orgasm like a fish? What do they call that pop water balloon when that they see a spray squirt? Yeah, square You make a chick square never never Never making them square has they have to be a squirt. No, that's not true. I made my chick square once And if I actually hate it I'll tell you a real quick story when I was drinking and dragging when I was real young and I was a fucking punk

We used to fuck this chick named Carrie. She was like a 35 year old You know this story is gonna be good, but it starts we used to But you guys just call him we bunch him in together I've got time to go through everybody's names. It was around 10 of us She was half retarded She was retarded. She was stopped. She was retarded. She was mental. I've had this story. She's like 35 So she didn't have fat tongue. No, she was regular. She was actually kind of hot. She had blonde short hair No, no, no, she was out'm ready to go to Flood City. She was out of her mind, crazy.

She wasn't retarded. That was City, USA. I'm ready to go to Flood City, USA. That was another retard. This chick was just mental. Oh, this was. She was out of her mind, like, she came up to you and the bus, hey, what's going on?

How you doing? What are you doing? You know, just f***ing yap. One of those f***ing. But she was at, yeah, not care. Everybody points to Kelly. No, not that mental. Kelly Not that mental the other man Yeah, the man that you accidentally looked in your basement. That was retarded. That was a retarded

She was a retarded I mean Got it better in the basement and you I mean she was retarded for following me home She was mental. She was a little stupid to she was stupid. Yeah, yeah, you're from Boston Yeah, so this this is happening Boston. Yeah. So this is happening in Boston? Yeah, this is happening. But not in Brooklyn, don't worry. We don't fucking do that in Brooklyn. First, we make chicks fucking, you know.

I give them the water. I give them a math test first. Yeah. It's too close, too. I just can come to Flood City. Flood City's right in this room. Hey, guess what? Just got your fucking express pants.

Howdy. Flood City. Look at the Yankee sign. Right there. Follow that, open that door. Hey. Yeah, lie down right under the jeeter poster. Flood City's about to happen. Oh, hurry, I might as well put a seven on my back,

call me the man, you know, Mickey Manel, I'm the fucking kid. All right, if I feel like Joe's like, I don't know how to just don't like Flood City. I'm gonna see the story, I'm gonna see the story. Okay, so anyways. And I'm mad that he thought the magic was the same. I fucked up, but I changed the mantle. I'm a Red Sucks fan, I fucking know that. Okay, so anyways

Denver Cox suckers don't know The fires are not reaching the plants Dance on fire that make me happy. Huh? Did that make me happy when I You know did that god Listen next next is buffalo Um, so we we still show Survey for there. We used to we used to all fuck this broad like we'd fuck her But I was I was 13 we just get shit fast. What? 13 shoes 35. Yeah, I fuck we too. I'm gonna run a boss the first time we met her.

That's why I brought up Boston. How fast? How fucking old? Goodness fucking me. You're like a new port shirt. I imagine a whole Irish girl woman all wrinkled up with a new port shirt on. She didn't actually wear an airport shirt. Old white Reeboks. Yeah, she was she. She was actually hot. She was fucking, she looked like Annie Lennox with big tits.

Like really great tits, she had a great body, really good body, but she was just a little fucking dumb, like a little, like crazy. She's like the rape 13 year olds. No, but she's fucking kids. We don't need any more description of her as far as retarded and fucks 13 year olds. She's not ret not retarded. Okay, so she's got a hot we get on the bus and I remember every I didn't know what fucking I knew how to fuck I didn't I

wasn't a fuck master I wasn't a floodmaster I didn't know to take chicks to flood city I wasn't a cat of the high seas yet So so I bring her in that we're on this bus at banded bus and they're fucking banded bus. Yeah, I just want to say Boston Wait, I just I just love the fact that the bullet points so far of the story 35 fucking 13 yeah half retarded now she's not retarded. She's crazy. She's great mental mental a band in I thought it was a moving bus at least it was a adult. Yeah, we're on a moving bus and we're all fucking So anyway is we we they fucker they're all the older kids. They're like 15 18 I'm 13 I'm the youngest motherfucker, so I get my last shot

Guys are we talking we're talking five so they all had deep voices and you walked up. Can I go guys? I'm last. Wait a second. Wait a second. She's a monkey. Is he got second hand pussy? No, I have fifth hand pussy.

I didn't know that was fifth hand pussy. I didn't know what pussy. I knew what pussy was, but I just started fucking it and she, I couldn't fucking eat for months after this. Her pussy just dumped, just discharged. And she, I couldn't fucking eat for months after this. Her pussy just dumped, just discharged. What? What did she discharge?

Jess, everyone else has come. Are you guys banging her with robbers? No, it was 13. It was before AIDS. You're banging chicken, just get herpes, you're fine. Dude, it came out All of them my pubes and my dick and I started throwing up. They were laughing at me. Yeah, she's at 13 A few not much, but the few not a lot, but a few not as much as my friends dead

So she just like laying there with a sitting up standing up standing up. Yeah No, she's fucking coming in she's lying there, she was mental. Listen to me, she was mental. She was a little fucking mental. So she was just standing up like with a panic look on her face. Just kind of like as dudes were fucking, I was like, huh, and then everyone's an hour. She was like, yeah, which made you feel okay. And then yeah, it was a weird situation.

I saw her on a train years later. I saw her with somebody on a train and I just I just was panicking that she was I was panicking she'd be like Bobby Bobby is that you like because she saw me on a bus once with my mom She was like hey, what are you doing? What's going on? I was like fucking. I don't know you That's my teacher mom. Yeah, who's this nice little retarded? She was 13 so you couldn't come yet Would you I came I came I came I like how to find a Comment you could come with 13 I just did airbursts. Yeah, I came

I had some hair in my dick. Yeah, I didn't have a lot, but I had hair in my dick and I could come I could bang broad Jeff I bank a lot of broads at 13. Bang and broads, man. Dude, I sound like you're a fucking... I used to be a baby boomer, generation. I was fucking getting my dick sucked at 10. Bona Cooke, you see? Yeah, I got my dick.

I got my first dick touched by a chicken. I was pretty much molested in a rhubarb bush, but... Yeah, the rhubarb. I told you, that the blouse. She fucking grabbed my cock and played with it. Cock. Oh, yeah. That's the boss of the chicken. Yeah, I told you that the blouse she fucking grabbed my cock and play with it But yeah, she yeah, I fucking Well, you I got a lot of pussy in 13. What I got a lot of pussy in there My first tongue kiss it don't apply in Boston. Yeah, cuz you're from Denver. I'm from Boston I think it puts you till 19. Oh look at you

Yeah, but you made up for last time you caught the herb Oh, is that really true that's it That's how bad the decisions he makes are he's only had six and he got the hurt It's over six. I think I'm playing that ball game on the street and getting the ball every time I don't know what ball game But what Brooklyn fucking yeah, you know when you out late in the fucking street lamps come on you fucking mom's piss Brooklyn fight you gotta find the ball. He puts the ball in the cup. Yeah Boston grow up in Boston We have parks in the 80s. We didn't have to play off a curb Everything was on a curb on a two-lane

We didn't grow up in a war zone in the 80s Everything was on a curb on a two-lay. We didn't grow up in a war zone in the 80s. Dude, this is what we do. We take the fucking ball, throw it off Mrs. Malley's steps. Stupid. Stupid. That's where we play some stupid ball. If it hits the cards, a home run.

Dude, this is what we do. We run in between cars with a ball, okay? It's called the between car ball game. Yeah, dude, I don't even know how we go down that. Oh, making a chick come. So here's the deal. Kelly, so you do squirt. So you can make a chick squirt. I've made my chick squirt once. Because some girls squirt fucking all the time. The difference is like a little one. Yeah, they're a squirt. Yeah, it comes out. You make that face when you do that.

I'm telling you this. Very expressive. Kelly, when was the last time you squack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack,ack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack, frack We're not only flood hot chicks, we flood the fucking bitches that come to this country. Flood tree! I'm scared. How are you guys? It's scary because the first time it happened, I'm not... When you go over the 59th Street Breaks, it's actually a sign that says Flood City. He never turned Flood City. I'm gonna put his side over my bedroom door.

That way, through and flood city. We're actually gonna have a wood cover, make it for you. This is a picture of you with a cloth. So you had a guy, he actually, he fucking made you squirt. Like a picture of you with the clothes. So you had a guy he actually he fucking made you squirt. Like a big one or a little one. It's not as big as it's been before but it was big. What's the biggest? The biggest one was by myself. Really? Did you laugh when it happened? Did you start giggling? It was the first time it ever happened. How much are we talking a cup of gallon? I shoot myself Shit, wait a minute, wait a minute Wait a minute, you shit

No, I said I like I want to say shoot myself. I mean I got scared I will be I can't yeah choose your words better We shit yourself. That's a great that's so much better of a story that you came and it shot out of you But you used to immediately shit I I don't know what you're talking about. The first five minutes of Mad Max. The going the hockey mask. It's got a great pony. What were you watching? I want to talk to you. Really? What were you watching on the point to make you come?

I can't remember. What makes you go? I can't remember. Fuck. I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't remember.

I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't remember. Hockey-mask! It's got a great party! What were you watching? I want to talk to you really. Look at me. What were you watching on the point to make you come? What makes you go? I can't remember. Fuck off. What makes you go? No, it's a watch job. What makes you flow? You're not. It's a mixture.

Tell what? Right now, ask me. Okay. Gmail! Done. I'm done. I'm done. It's different. Gmail is joking about by herself. I'm done. I'm done She mailed you up by yourself. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done Sometimes it's a girl a girl. It's a passion. Sometimes it's passion You know what I know what I'm getting into now. I'm getting into fucking you ever see when they make out

Like when they're fucking but a lot of times the point I was they don't make out They just suck fuck make out you boy. I like'm me we seem like me we have similar taste yeah I like you like a little make up like I like I like them to know that they're into it yeah yeah you know it believable that's it dude it's it's when you see people kissing you can tell like oh my god they're

really but not like that porn kiss with a guy's grandma goes, John be like, oh, that's actually, that's actually the same as the two gay guys kissing. They do that too, they just grab each other. That's why I jerk off the top guns till the shadowy kiss. Very powerful. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, list this, that's getting fucking tight as jeans.

I just keep hitting on the, not even backtrack on top of the Me as he is Bobby when it comes to tranny porn. Yeah, it's got to be hard though, right? Yeah, I'm gonna fucking jerk off to an uncircumcised mushy little fucking Because in your imagination, it's like a horniness antenna. That's what it is. It's like a horniness So you know she's into it. That's what I think psychologically that's why I get That's why I get it actually no, she's into it. That's what I think psychologically, that's why it gets us. That's why it gets us. Actually, no, she's turned on. Can I say, can I, I like that view, but here's my view too.

I'm half a fag, and I want to suck a big dick. All right. Because I was molested as a boy, and I didn't have a father. That's just my, there's another way looking at it. Listen, I just like, what are you talking about? You know, listen, I believe in like, you know. It's a dick antenna. This is what I, we used to play a game back in Brooklyn.

Gully's the dick-art in that. He grab your buddy's jeans. If you saw, he gets a boy stupor. It's, it's a reward. I like that. Here's the thing. Get your dick-art. Get a boy stupor.

You're a, Joe, what's wrong with you? I can't tell who's serious about the, the the the training why I like training porn. I do All I always be here on your Like training porn. I like sensual porn I like all porn I like all porn. I like it but I yeah if I if I sense it the party You call yourself a porn some all yay. I would call myself party is not a guy. I'm not honest with you. You call yourself a porn, some all you. I would call myself a

fishie not a not watch porn. I would call you a person. There's something very unnatural. Here's a deal. You're not supposed to be looking at a screen.

No smells. No, no, no. No, no. It's not, it's not natural. I stop watching porn too because it fucks, I'm trying to have a baby and I'm also trying to fucking love my wife really.

You know what I mean? And when you watch porn, if I don't watch porn for a couple weeks, I want to fuck my wife. I think about my wife and I also don't, you know, if I, if I, we stop doing like showering together, like I've talked about before, you kind of keep yourself from it, you want it. You know what I mean? It becomes, my sister used to work at a video store back in like that. And she used to blow guys? No, not at all.

But she said that there was, I don't like that you didn't like that. I mean, it was like, no, no she didn't. She's never done that. You're not corporate when it comes to your system. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, fucking murder, yeah. We're not mad at you for not being cool with making jokes about your dead sister It's your sister dead?

Yeah Oh my god Show you got him I was thinking I was like Did she cool right? Did she exactly the same Oh he must know I guess they

Did you sister die blowing a guy? She had a stuffy nose So sorry dude I am not okay with the fact that you are not okay with the fact that I'm talking about you dead sister Dude I did not why do I not know that your sister's I don't fucking I don't wear a shirt My sister's That's a great shirt My sister's Write that down Kelly. We want that the new monster voice shirt

I'm gonna sell them on right cash My sister's dead I didn't want to be the one to bear the bad news I thought like joy take the hit listen. I I did tragedy at this line We need that sister molested from to her Boston. Yeah, I'm fucking a homo and denial I got the group and pre-join I like that her pieces in there. He got fucking rape as a kid his sister's dead I have a disease that fucking you know it's kind of funny that Kelly's ass all I did get that you once every eight weeks

It's not how you described it to me. He said you couldn't move Listen listen I didn't I didn't do it. I I wanna know though, we've been friends for how long? About a year or closer to a year. Okay, and I've, you've been on the show for how long? You've been my third in command and my second in command. I mean, literally my right hand dude for a long time. I mean, we don't hang out every night, but we talk and we see each other all the time.

I don't know, you've never told me, or set down and we see each other all the time. I don't know. You've never told me or sat down with me and told me that you're just in that. Translations, say something real once in a while. Thank you. Hey, you know what? You're joking all the time. Can't you get to know you guys the person? You know what, you know what, you know what, you guys?

A lot of my jokes just in between some of them. You know what the honest I got truth is, I don't ever talk. I've had friends that I've been friends with since college and they don't even know yeah because you're not you know what the fuck that says something dude you are a Surface guy you keep everything light and happy because you don't want to fucking let people in wants the pain over the pain Yeah, so you can be corporate Danny you can walk away and be famous and hurt me someday I'm not gonna ever hurt you Yeah, well it hurts that I don't fucking know But they talking about you in therapy How do you like that now you telling me that yeah?

Let's get real what'd you cry about I said you're the closest to an older brother I've ever had I love you buddy I'm so how fucking sis die yeah Car accident Sorry, oh 16 she was 28 Car accident she got to the car accident. I'm sorry. Oh 16. She was 28. Wow. Drought the kid to comedy. Yeah. Now it drove me to fucking. Did you have to use the word drive? Heavy drinking and drug use. Sorry. Jesus. He crashed into comedy.

That's the right word for that. You know, he really got rear ended into comedy. So I mean, that's good kind of boring. Let's get back to porn. We're talking about chicks with dicks. What's that what I really she she got her car accident was it her fault She was that she was driving on she she's my half sister and she grew up in law. She's your half sister. Yeah, fuck them She knows I can't love her fully How's long you know a four years? matter twice you know

No, it actually my breast friend right actually your best friend at that time. What's that? She was your birthday hurt. Yeah hurt her. I lived in Denver. You know there's five people in his neighborhood Yeah, I was just trying to I'm excited. I'm not just letting you try to be the shit No, sir. I'm telling you they weren't that close So I'm sorry guy Choose your best friend. We were real. I won my dad died two years before what the fuck life for you Who are you?

Why you not dead? I love you know, I'm hoping that's not happening. I'm having pain in my armpits Which could be what is that I don't know my armpits hurt? That's because you're fucking have monster No I'm their giant or disease. Wow You're gonna get that fucking thing snipped in the back of your neck that's leaking out that brain fluid.

What? I don't know. That's not how giant people, that's a dumb guy saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, they fucking, they fucking talking about it. They fucking, they fucking, they fucking, they fucking, they fucking, you're, you're, you're

fucking, you're free. So anyway, it's just to let people know real quick. I'm sorry, dude, about you sister. Look, go to Amazon. com and click on the subscribe. If you care, listen. We're sorry about that. That's real tough time in my life. Go to, uh, right cast dot com slash Robert Kelly.

You can buy a ton of stuff on Amazon and get a nice discount. Yeah, don't go to riot cast and do it because that will give it to them. Go to my page. Robert Kelly live on riot cast. And if you're gonna buy anything, uh, anything that we've talked about on Tech Talk. Zoom age for end microphone. If you're doing your own podcast, yeti microphone. If you're gonna do something anything sneakers books, whatever. Go to Amazon on Robert Kelly, Rayacast page and buy from there. I remember being 17 and being like you know maybe I should just take my life

and this is a good moment to remind you GameFly.com. Actually, if you use the YKWT, you can get some ice-fidget ice. There's some real nice in that. You get, just to get Amazon.com, they make a great gift. I got one from my living sister. I got one from my living sister. You got her birthday. There you go.

You know what I, it's the birthday. And her kids, and it's good to see her have a family. Yeah, my dad and I chipped in and we all went to bed. You know, it's really great as a father's day. Good father's day gift is, uh, such a piece of shit. It took our normal size heads down to the end. Not cool bro. Yeah, that's not cool bro. Well he's got a perfect mouth for a straw. So.

Why does my mouth go, you know that? That's why I'm not into tranny. Yeah, getting a blood jump from him would just be awful. If Joe was gay, it would just suck to be his boyfriend. I don't know, I don't know, though, because it's a very suction coming out. So it would always be out of fully suck like a vacuum cleaner, because it's like the air come in. They'll be here, fit it in. You would be out of fit it in. Come on, you're a trooper.

You'd be out of shove it in. Joe just, Joe just be a power bottom. Yeah, no, that's her. That's her fucking cock sucking mode. Motto. You can always fit it in. Are you giving it to me? Or are you giving it in?

Are you giving it in? Are you giving it in? You're giving it in? You're not sure you're having enough. You're not sure you're fit it in. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? You're not trying to run enough. You're not trying to run enough. You're not trying to run enough. You're not trying to run enough.

You're not trying to run enough. You're not trying to run enough. So Kelly. Yeah, mate. So moving off of Dan's dead sister. Hey, let me know if you guys really want me to sad up the podcast. That made me really sad.

Well, I mean, look, dude. Sorry I'm a girl, but I did. How old are you now? 29. Get over it. Well, I mean look did sorry. I'm a girl, but I did how old you know 29 get over it Someone's dwelling on something like Oh Just like an older brother Rubs the dirt on it I'm just jumping off our ship. I have exactly the amount of

beautiful I deserve. That's what I know. Back to my original point is that I'm around 50,000 people and I'd say take around ten of those away that they're really not fans of mine. I'm around a 40,000. I'm around a 40,000 people comic.

No, 50,000 minus ten is not 40,000. 50,000. I'm not going to be able to get the money. I'm going to be able to get the money. I'm going to be able to get the money. I'm going to be able to get the money. I'm around a 40,000. I'm around a 40,000 people comic. No, 50,000 minus 10 is not 40,000. 50,000 minus 10,000. Yeah, I figured you'd put the thousand. I didn't. I'll put it in next time for

your joke. I know 10 would be not that Boston Math with a math teacher yells at you. 50,000 minus 10. It's not 40,000. Fuck you. You're supposed to put the 10,000 on. No, my fucking job to put the fucking suck, kid. Go get fucked on an abandoned boss. Anywho.

So I went to the, this this show went we're kind of a head on the shows I don't know what the fuck's going on right now. Yeah anyways, I It's about in 2014. I know this I think I might put this one out sooner. I might I don't know I might do something sooner. I don't know, but I went to UFC last week first of all we went to oh my god We went to Amy Schumer's for Fourth of July. She invites us all out there. And me, Joe, Keith, Kurt, Sherrod, a bunch of people show up. It's cool little, nothing crazy. It's Long Island City. Cool little, almost like

this two story hotel thing, but it's condos know, condos and it's her mom's place and it kind of little pool in the middle and the it's like a horseshoe complex right on the beach. We all show up. We're hanging out. Everybody's drinking and you know eating and then we We fight. I mean, it was one of the best days ever. We went and all of us went in the fucking ocean together We're all swimming Keith was drunk fighting waves punching waves all swimming, Keith was drunk, fighting waves, punching waves. It was just a hatred, you're a stink. We're all topless, we're all just fat, just disasters. I saw someone tweet a picture, our Anthony tweeted a picture

and I saw it derose with a shirt off and like, a lot of misstep art. So we do this whole fucking day. It's one of the greatest, and that's why I love New York comics. I love the community. I love that we actually get together and hang out. We do comedy but we go and we do fun shit too and just fuck off which I love. But later that night it was me, Joe Amy, Jamie, one of the waiters here at

the seller Keith and Norton. We're all hanging out and Joe's, he's asking me, can he use your phone, can he use your phone? I'm like, no,'t for what he's like I just I'm like you know I'm not just thinking you use my phone Joe. What are you fucking doing? And I he grabbed someone else's phone and he's I'm gonna do something on eBay He was buying a pair of boots on eBay. I Don't whatever right that's Joe. I can't feel the void with a lot of stuff Yeah, he's adopted. He's got a hole in his soul. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha I'm sorry brother. I thought that was funny. I don't think you should ever apologize. I still want the shirt. Shit. Shit.

It's a crap. Spit it out. That's shit. Spit it out. Shit. Spit it out. Come on, son of a bitch. Anyway, so what's, is that a band?

No, it's real. It's pain I went through. All right, listen, so he's on the phone and he's got like 10, 8 minutes. He's buying these shoes and he's explaining everybody, you know, this will you deal you with for the last minute. I got my bed up there. Nobody's buying you buying late at night when the thing and these shoes are fucking awesome.

Oh my God. So we're all like this. I go in the house, Norton and Amy, Amy's fucking signing up on eBay in her mother's house. She's got three minutes. They're signing up. I go back outside, I find his fucking highest

bid. He's like, it's I bid 60. They're 35, but I big 60 because $15 for shipping. Yeah, that's enough. I'm going to win this. No problem. She goes on.

I tell her I go his top in 60 bucks. She goes, I'm doing a hundred. Right? So she back and we go back on sight. He's on the phone. It's counting down.

What is she staring at a phone for 10 minutes and then it gets down to like Two minutes and he goes fuck cuz he saw that a bid went in you don't see that you say god someone else But they're fucking dumb. They're not they're bidding two minutes out You got to wait for the last minute. That's how you do it. These idiots, right? We're like oh god I spit my drink out cuz I can't even these idiots, right? We're like, oh God, I just spit my drink out because I can't even, I can't even,

it fucking goes down all of a sudden. Last second, fuck! Come on, Amy's right, what? What, what? You know Amy's right, what? What's going on? Oh, fucking someone did it, man. Someone bought them fucking Christ.

She goes, what? It's weird, you got that, but I just got my confirmation email for me. And he goes, what? Did you buy's weird. You got that, but I just got my confirmation email for me. And he goes, what? Did you, did you buy the shoe? Why would you do that? That's so mean. We were on the fucking ground. And he's like, you're gonna give it to me? She's like, no, I'm gonna throw them out. She's good. It was fucking brilliant. That dummy. Oh, I can't wait. We're all gonna get a shot

I think she's gonna give us all the weekend with the fucking shoes and take pictures and then we're gonna Shit them and put him in front of his door. I gotta die that can do that for you Hey, I gotta get a good shit and shoes for you. What you've done it before to sharp shooter. Why you oh? Yeah, you shit and shoes I'm gonna show you on the podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah, he's a shoe shitter remember. Do you listen to this show? She wasn't on that episode. I don't think I was on that episode. Why? It was the first episode Joe was on. Oh before you were on. Oh I'm sorry babe. That's all you got to make up. The good old. That'd be fucking great if Kelly stayed at my house by the way. Yeah. Watch the dog. She stayed at the house for me and don't we're in Foxwoods. She stayed at the house To see how the other half live and I had to go back to my old shitty apartment. You stayed at my house once how great is that bed?

It's unbelievable and that fucking shower and that bidet and then I had to live like a king Bobby and he took it away from me Now I'm gonna what my ass like a normal person. I was too scared to use the bidet. You didn't use the bidet I didn't use the day Right and that shower How'd you like popular wire but he's not in America? Why did that not stick I'll tell you why Comes all the way full circle some comics don't stick that are great. How come that invention? How the fight with you? How did you do that?

I think fucking dance out. I think we have a new side. I would never have it. I'm going to get a shirt that says my co-host is dead. Oh, let's be cool. I'm kidding. It is right. It's a great thing to watch your ass. And you know what? You're right. And it did it and it just what it's only like your pants.

Well, I tell you what, no, it's not your fucking ape. And you can control the water. See that? See how much confidence you have going into that? And it's only in one region in France. That's what I read in Brooklyn school system. You want to, we're in some of the, I mean, like, football. I watch your ass and play still.

Well, it's what we thought. Joey Cola said this to me. He's actually said to me, you know Joey Cola. I don't know him personally by no means. You know what he is, he's a fucking great comic. Great guy, one of the nicest guys in the business. I was middle-informing Cleveland, and I got the flu. I was literally on stage.

I was shaking, sweating, and freezing, and you know, had a temperature, and I'd go back to this AIDS condo. I caught AIDS condo ads. You know, and you have to stay in these shit condos. These clubs don't want to put you in a hotel. So they have this crap condo. It's spiders, the size of your fist, and they don't wash the sheets. And you know, you get a fucking catch with Angel Salazar did on a pillow. Check it out! Check it out! So I get, I'm for shivering.

And he tells me he's got to go with baby wipes. And I'm like, why are you getting baby wipes? He's like, because you don't use, he goes, your asshole is the only party of body that you use dry paper to clean. True. Your armpits, everything else, your head, you dick, you clean with soap and water.

Your asshole, you clean when shit comes out of it. He goes, it's spreadin' peanut butter. He goes, if you take peanut butter, put it in your arm, and then wipe it off with a dry toilet paper, there's still peanut butter on your fuckin' arm. Yeah, sure. You're not cleaning loose word. It doesn't, when it comes to that context.

Yeah, you're not cleaning your ass. Yeah, but lots of places be cleaning on us, like that whist supposed to be that regular, that we shouldn't have to wipe. Like, it should be a clean break. But you know, let's put it after you shake the way and then you clean it in the shower The way we clean we way we clean with toilet papers like similar to the way women like take a little bit of their lipstick All just use a piece of paper right it fucking most ellipsic stays on just most of these shit stays on your ass And you're not supposed to sit and shit you're supposed to actually squat and shit, but they would come in perfect in this

What you if you go to Japan A lot of what no, I said Japan. Yeah, so what the fuck was that It's in China they squat over the toilet. Oh, maybe they do that in both places I get what you say and I said I said in Japan and you went China China I said in Japan and you went China. China, I think she's right, right? China, not like me. No, they do in Japan. Japan, too?

Yeah, no, I was actually, I went in, when I went to Japan, and then I would go on with the story, you went, China. I apologize. I apologize to my people. I apologize. So they actually have holes in the ground. They don't have toilet seat.

In the airport, they have two stalls with seats, like American or English, whatever the fuck they fuck they call and then they have regular Japanese It's just a whole new culture. It has a hole in the ground and I didn't know how to do it Because you know you have to squat and kind of stand on your tippy toes and I actually just took all my clothes off in the stall Because I didn't I didn't see the other body I took them all off and I squatted and you have to shit and that's the way we're supposed to shit because I didn't see the other. What about a Bobby Beeler? He's done buttoning everything. I took him all off and I squatted and you have to shit. And that's the way we're supposed to shit.

Norton has a little thing to put your feet on that lifts your knees up to your chest when you shit because that's the way you're supposed to shit squatted. If you've went to a college in the Zuck or these international students there, you'd always find shoe prints on the toilet bowls because all the international students are all the Japanese or Chinese or whatever. That's the only way they knew how to shit.

Oh, come on, really you can't adapt. Shit, no, shit, there's a toilet there. You've never been to a toilet at a college? I'm going to say that to them. I ain't a fucking dead, I'm going to do a toilet flush either. It's a better system. Yeah, I know that's crazy. Like, if there's a toilet available, just use the toilet.

That is pretty fucking weird though. If you open a stall by accident, it's a toilet available just use the toilet and that is pretty fucking weird though if you open the stall by accident so a little Asian girl oh guy what about the bathroom my little girl I grew up in Boston Canada I listen to me We're gonna take a little break um yeah, that's the way we do it. We think we're gonna wait until a good one happens I didn't meet you. Oh, you're going to cuter out. You're not gonna yell at him Oh, you're going to cuter out. You're not going to yell at him. You know, great. You know, fucking awesome. My life would be if Kelly was just a dirty pig. I have her, if she stayed at my house. Have we got a surprise for you, Bobby?

You know that, what you did? Just stop it in. You told me I was on that boy's either. I said, I didn't boy over. No, I'm saying it would be good. It would be for me. Yeah. Because I could fucking get blow jobs. No, if you're a dirty fucking whore just fit it in but you're not You're a lady What do you know? What do you know?

I'm a dirty fucking whore Wow, this is a little projected anger in that one Somebody hurt you. All right, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to talk about my fucking weekend at the UFC. Yeah. We will finish up with some other.

Oh, shit. That's it. YKWD fans, do us a favor. We want you to support our unofficial sponsors. And when Kelly gives me that list, I will fucking announce that. Oh, here it is. All right. But first, I want you to support our unofficial sponsors and when Kelly gives me that list. I will fucking announce that Oh, here it is. Alright, but first I want you to support our official sponsors If you guys thanks, Kale, if you guys please you guys want to support the show and Help yourselves out because if you buy shit at all buy it off Amazon if you're gonna buy it off Amazon fucking help us out

You don't have to donate to the show you just go when you're the time you're gonna need something off the internet Now I got fucking eight nuts Anyways We stop looking at me like that dude. I love that you just watch me stammer and fall I know and just totally with that fucking radio voice you hey everybody you're listening to the YKWD podcast order off the Amazon dot com, but when you do, you know, 20% of a 20%. Actually, we, we go to joy, exactly what he just said and then he failed at the end.

Flat tire. The wolf. That's the best day. You're listening to Bobby in the monster 99.1 WQLF. The wolf. All right. So go to riotcast.com Backslash Robert Kelly is it backslash? Forward slash you fucking twat

Forward slash Robert Kelly And buy Amazon shit from our page Just hit the Amazon button right there Make your purchases and we will actually get $30,000 for every purchase that you make. I'm kidding, that's not true. True, true, true. I was gonna say true, the truth.

That wouldn't have worked. Anyways, can you help me? Can you stop drinking water and fucking help me with this? I'm just trying to risk my bullets. Got a bang this, bro. Do you want to help me out? Yeah. All right.

And you can also, I'm gonna pass it. I got nothing to do. All right, you can also, you can also go if supportgamefly.com. Game you can also go support GameFly.com. GameFly is just like Netflix for video games. If you're a video game junkie, like me and Monster Voice and Joe List.

I'm gonna play the video game my life. You know what's good about Joe List? As a friend though, he loves watching people play video. Well, it's with weed if I get stoned, we watch. I'll get him, I'll get him. I'm gonna throw. They play football and it's like watching a football game. It's exciting.

You really are a Funk and nuts, you know that right? They're puny talking to the mic you fucking So yeah, so go to Gamefly.com and also go to right cast.com backslash, Robert Kelly. Click on the Amazon button. Dude, what are you going to Amazon for? We're at Gamefly. I'm seven.

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What a hot show. We have to open. This is a hot show. Hide your wife and children. Women and children. Women and children. And, really locking up here. Don't lock up Dan. Don't let everyone's

last thing. Please help me. Good job, Dan. Keep going, Dan. Keep going, Dan. Good job, boy. Come on. Keep going. Good for you. So we were talking about transsexuals earlier. There are people just like cups. I'm getting real dizzy. All right, all right. I'm back. Okay, here we go. Go to Gamefly.com. Try the new Max Payne 3

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Sponsors the more shows we can do and the more stuff we can get and the maybe someday we even get famous people on here Like the other podcast that are in the top fucking 20 that I see we can't fucking break because you guys don't subscribe And fuck you leave a review leave a review Okay, so go to Gamefly dot com slash forward slash YKWD for this special offer for our listeners only you're getting a 15 day to Dish trial Fnata stooots fucking lamins Have you a front brokler you not gonna play this? Hey, we're stooot fucking hot to play stooot bro. You going?

Yeah, you got video games. Hey, you go in, you fucking suck a shim off, like a man under a jeet of poster. 26, how many series we got? 28, right? 28. We got 28 cock, fuck, a little, a little, a little, a little, every time we win a World Series, I suck a dick. That's what I do.

I take the baseball guards, my fucking suckin' a dick. Alright, and make sure you, uh, where's the, uh, Oh! fucking second a dick alright and make sure you're uh... what was the uh... uh... uh... you know what's in the city city every movie about bossing is somebody trying to get out of Boston i'm gonna get out of this there's the fucking no-pad

cheap fucking uh... you fucking where's the strong box you fuck uh... kelly man let me tell you some Kelly does good stuff And then she's a moron no, I'm joking somebody actually sent me a letter a listener of the podcast a female Listen a letter a letter She said oh hang on one second go fuck yourself Oh hang on one second go fuck yourself I'm not gonna fuck away. Yeah, you left it alone I did really

What are you fucking? You're fucking dirty New Yorkers. You all have gray faces and beards Listen What did the chicks say? She said down She said down She said down She said down She said down She said down

She said down She said down She said down She said down She said down She said down She said down She said down She said down

She said down She said down She said down She said down She said down Because nobody goes to Boston to make it they come here You know I didn't mind first world boss and as you a lot of good com fucking suck a dick don't talk over me No, we don't we don't there's plenty of them there we go there We're with the boss and as on by far the best comics and the most comics produce the most successful motherfuckers You're you're shitty you're shitty town. What are you got sign felt? Well, it's a song and shut the fuck up with your garbage that you consider comedy, okay? Okay, that I can't or don't Denver Yeah, but comedy always comedy always flourishes in the biggest shit holes I

Come from Boston because they got to get the fuck out of Boston Just like yeah, and then they get a come to this shit town the smell dog shit and do 15 minutes sets they get a manager and then we're gonna do that fucking cuntville hollywood to make it and then we all agree and then we all move to Denver when we have nothing left when you want to buy it luxurious I listen we're gonna thank our fucking sponsors unofficial sponsors of the show these are people who help us out well they give us nothing. We give them nothing. We just help each other out. And they really support the show.

Laugh button, cringe humor, laugh spin. Make sure you go to those websites, help them out. The cringe humor, we had Patrick on the other week. He was fucking great. They're opening up a new comedy club called the Stead. And YC. But in Jumor as I like to call them the alt police. No. You got a beer? Get out! I like to call the alt police

You got a beard You have more than two tags on a Joe goodbye I think I think I think we're gonna, I think we're gonna, and go go run a dark con, I guess. I think that we've been supporting for a while. And Yowza Fitness, I was like, I'm fucking, I tell you what, that fucking treadmill I got, and I know I say fucking,

when I'm fucking being disingenuous, I say fuck a lot, now I'm kidding. That treadmill I got, I came home Sunday night, it was the best, folded it down, used it. You're right moving on listen You know whenever he's just staring at you laughing But you go to you out of fitness.com. Here's you know book that now take it now. We're good Don't have a take that from me to them done

So we got an email that said Kelly leave Kelly alone Really yeah, it said basically I know you guys are just joking and she, but you can hear it in her voice that she really hurts her feelings. Well, here's the thing that I have to say to that. My sister's dead. Yeah, so deal with that. Bring her back. No, I'm sorry. What? Too far, Dad. oh, what? Too far you guys usually just ride or all every episode. No, we but now here's the thing about Kelly Kelly's a sweetheart. Yep She's yeah, she's really see the balls Hey, yeah, Joe take this away. I would have a night

Let's let's talk about let's show look good joke you got explain to this lady balls around the way we talked about how I have a small mouth Look like a bird retarded was born prematurely. Yeah have herpes and how his dad and sister are dead Like that, but not nearly as bad right. No, that's a good point Right, and I understand that she's like hey girl power don't make fun of her Fuck that she's on the podcast. It's open game on anyone here. Here's what it is. Is that when I say it to you, you laugh, you laugh. We all laugh. I think I'll come across what she's saying is that I get it. But Kelly, when you say it to her, you can hear her in a voice that she's like,

oh, you know, but I think that's what Kelly does. Yeah, it's not. Do you really get upset? No. Oh, oh, you have a girl's not. Do you really get upset? No. Oh, shit. You have a girl's voice now. You know what?

A girl's voice. I should just unplug her mic now and fuck. Shut up. Listen. No, I don't get upset. I don't get upset. No. But it's like, I'm not.

You look like you're about to cry like kind of to me. No, no, no, no. That's just that fucking Australian face. These guys are pretty mean. I can hear that. Shut up. Oh, you fucking fucking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I It's fine and it's funny and I get the joke and it's fine like I've had Louis Oh shut up you suck Get to it You bitch yeah, he's called me a cunt like That's fucking bullshit

The one that goes why you apologizing to me no no you wait why you apologize to me? I come from a place Don't talk over and then go ahead good point. Yeah, good Good Off my shoes like this that didn't bother me. That's hilarious. I thought it was funny We call each other cuts all the time in Australia, but then back on air she goes he called me a cut once But then let me finish what I want to say a letter finish I'll let me finish you would know that I was defending your right to the coming out. Talkin' to the mic.

If you can't hear yourself Kelly, then that means we can't. That's how the podcast works. Radio, radio. If you talk into the mic, people hear you. Radio, radio, fucking cunt. I can hear myself at all. Sorry.

I'm kidding, go ahead Kelly. Go ahead, sweetie, what were you saying? Just talkin' to the mic. Talkin' to the mic. He's just good spot spot when you turn to him. You can't hear you Yeah, let me turn you up hang it Right you know, but when it's funny. It's funny and it's fine and I laugh and it's no problem But when it's not do you really do is it times where it's not funny? There's been it's not even like the jokes the jokes I can handle, but sometimes it's like when it gets really in joke and really crouty, when I feel like I'm not included, that's when

I kind of go, okay. Okay, here's the deal. But when it's funny, like, which is all the time, it's always fine and I laugh and I go at Joe. But when the jokes above my head, like, it's like bullying. Okay, we get it. No, no, no, because I get what you're saying, but you're repeating it Joe late to get a person funny me because he's ready to pounce on man's shove what I just said damn

I'm gonna say Joe Joe I was just gonna say I was just gonna say hang on order in the court The animal barbecue at present, okay? All right, we're not gonna let this fucking get out of hand today. You understand me? All right, we got this fucking All right, now Joe go ahead. What do you have to say? You just did the thing again where you go like this shut up You interrupt me if you had let me finish and see I'm defending you and then you finish And there wasn't even kind of a defensive All right, you could have you tried you could have you tried Joe gives me shit for interrupting as I defend myself quite well with the cut thing Yeah, I thought it was if you had let me finish you interrupt her can I say what?

What? Defending when it was a defense of me at all. It was about you. I don't think that was I don't think that was The stone was I think it was I don't think that was the stones I think it was another band. What's that other band the Beatles? No the one that Deal This is why I suck this is why I had the lack of funny in me I went what's that other band? I put it on you to make the joke that I wanted to make that I couldn't figure out. I just think, what's that other band like the stones?

Ah. Hey. Tag a woo, Joe. Tag a woo, Joe. It's Quinks. This is what you suck. The whole place exploded. You have to explain to the audience what happened. It's don't you? The Twinks. Yeah. I mean, this is you suck.

That came on. Christopher Longowalker. All right, here we go. So yeah, I mean to see you suck that came on go walk. All right here we go. So you I Think what happens with you Kelly is I think it's it's not her this this woman is taking it out of it's she's a girl Go fuck yourself. It's not because she's a girl It's not because you're a girl. It's cuz you're new to the fucking scene, okay? Because if Amy was up here, Schumer would be fucking let me tell you I was off. She's razor. It's like So kill everybody she's fucking she is the only I've gotten it like maybe four good

Zings on her and she's very yeah, she was a fucking killer, okay? So it's not about you being a broad It's that you knew to this whole thing probably in'm probably gonna bro. I'm gonna let her about that too. I'm gonna shop and shuplit dine. Okay. Everybody see Kyle. Kyle and writing an email to Bobby Kelly. Hold on. Hold on. He called her a bro. Yes, he's important. Okay. Now you want no, don't use the fucking

regular soy sauce. Use the fucking low sodium. What do I say? Fucking kidding. The word. It's a good word, bro. I'm gonna ask you a question right now. You tell me the honest answer

This girl wrote this letter does that make you feel good? Or do you like fuck her? No, I it doesn't make me feel good because it makes I was she's defending a cause Which doesn't has any have any merit for me does it make you feel good or is it fucker? It's a bit more fucker. Oh I can't wait to get that No, I stopped how we now let her finish let her finish I appreciate that she's trying to stick out for me And it's probably the way it does say any more voice because I do have three syllables when I say no, but it's I think it's more Joe can you please never edit yourself if you ever edit yourself again I will fucking jump over this table you know, it's him me

So so you so you like fuck you. That's a bit harsh. Well what are you like? Why do women don't get the funny? Just say fuck you we all laugh and then we move on. Oh see it it'll face me fuck you it's funny and I do laugh because I laugh

all the time but it's like I don't know like I don't know like I like Joe I feel like Joe you get really angry at me now. And I'm like, I love Joe. This is the problem. I agree at all. Nobody's, this is the problem.

This is the problem that, this is the exact thing that the lady's talking about, is that she's, this right now, I guarantee listening now, she feels bad for Kelly, because you're making it, and it's not about you being a woman, it's just a new thing. I used to be the same way when I used to come around, like you'd hang around with these fucking hammers that all know each other and bus balls, And it's not about you being a woman, it's just a new thing. I used to be the same way when I used to come around like,

you'd hang around with these fucking hammers that all know each other and bus balls and no, no, when I'm fucking really angry and you know when he's really angry, don't ever point at me. You fucking, no, I'm kidding. That's my name, Bobby. Well, you're saying right there, that's what I mean. Like, I get it today and then like, you know, these guys are hanging out, they be hanging out for hours.

So they were already raised in shop. They were really knowing what's going on They know they don't until the years and I know how to other works. Are you trying to fucking tell I wasn't even down with my Explanation and you're trying to finish my explanation shut your face And right in the letter that you're fucking yeah fucking insensitive bitch gonna get flood city. City USA. But that's not against them. That's just about maybe you're gonna get.

Look, you just know that's it. You're gonna get you're gonna get used to fucking the way comics are, especially the way these comics are. And look in LA, I guarantee this podcast will be totally different. We'll be like this by the way. Sorry.

Oh my god. Kelly, you know what? I think she has a point. I think we have to lighten up on Kelly guys because that's the new deal. We're being hang on. We're being Ellen. I just want to be the devil's advocate though for a second.

Just for the sake of argument. We were acting out L.A. podcast and she fucking didn't. She didn't even get that. It's not because I was being. What were you being? Don't worry, you honest. I was just gonna say. She's telling us to go over the podcast. Because she's new. Rip it. Because sheannis. I was just gonna say. Do you guys just took over the fuck? Yes.

I'm gonna tell you what's the purpose. Because she's new. Because she's new. Just being devil savagate, you know, it's my first time here. Stop fucking, just be you. Just think it's more like, I have to work corporate than I thought.

That's not a perfect idea. What is that question? I just don't know that. Were you from Brooklyn or you from fucking CT? Guys, in Greenwich, we always, we have a talking stuff. In Danbury, which is AK have a talking story in Danberry which is a K hat city Which is just next to Because she's new you guys feel like maybe because she's new you go a little too hard like

No, but piranha smelling blood look. I love Kelly. Here's a thing is I love This new meat in the room. I love Let's write who's got it the hardest just this episode you You got soda and Dan Dan Me too. Yeah, and then I don't even know who's third I think because we're so far away Like a ALE You're not even but you're not even in the same category as how he got yeah, and first of all

It's not a fault change your mouth and it wouldn't happen You know what Bobby I'm gonna write you a email I don't sometimes you know what I hear Joe talking. I hear a small mouth opening Here's a thing I get fat things all the time and you know what I'm doing lose and wait Changes Charlie today you go to shit, and then I got shit. I like, you know, dad hasn't got a lot of ideas. Kelly, let me just say this.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, first of all, go back. I have a first off. I had a first off before. I have a second off. Go back. Go back on iTunes. And if you really want to hear me fucking touch a beating, go to Gator fight.

Yeah, do we? Yeah, we, we, that podcast wasn't, but we set up a podcast on a Wednesday just to smash him and on him trying to get his fucking new sufi I got off work sweaty from the restaurant come in and fucking one which will happen again soon You know wait table anymore been away for a little while maybe you don't know right? Yeah, no wait no tables Go get your drink drink Go get your guacamole and bring it to me.

All right. But I still had sweat for my job on. And Bobby's like, hey, come on, do a podcast. Do a podcast. And I come in. Can you do a de Rosa? He came in with a smiley face. You can just do the face.

I listen, here's a deal. Kelly, first of all, do this lady. We love you. I love you. I love you I protect you if anybody's if anybody comes on here that seriously fucks with you I got you back. We fuck with you all the time But here's a deal you are a fucking nimp ninkin poop. Yeah, okay? Honestly, what certain things you just think I'm learning how to

I'm learning I'm learning how to deal with your shit, but you do a lot of shit fucking awesome. You are amazing at fucking a ton of shit you do for the show. And you're funny, brought a take a good hit. That's why you're on the show. So you, for this broad who's calling in, I understand that you think, writing in, I get it that you're looking out for Kelly, but we love Kelly. We never let any, she really got offended or hurt. We deal with that if anything ever happened, but she's learning how to deal with all these alpha males in a room.

I don't want you guys to stop, like giving the hand. I'm not gonna stop you fucking saggy, tith-oszy. I'm not gonna stop you fucking saggy, tith-oszy. I'm gonna stop you, I'm gonna stop you, I'm gonna stop you, I'm gonna stop you, I'm gonna stop you, I'm gonna stop you. I actually groms are looking better. Are you on something No, I haven't worked out in like three weeks really I was gonna say

Now I fucking I think I love the for you to I love the sexual tension between baby mouth and fucking saggy tits Joe one day my dreams will come true You can actually take one of your tits and mush it all the way into Joe's mouth. You can put it all in there. You can fold it in. Yeah. You start your fork changing out. But by the way, man, I say also,

two parents, brother, have. Yeah. Everything I get in my ball just is nothing I can ever change. Perfee's and fucking mouth size. Don't think anyone can trade glasses, Joe. I could change my glasses. is nothing I can ever change. Perfee's and fucking mouth size. Don't think anyone can trade glasses, Joe. I could change my glasses, Joe. Yeah, I could glasses.

Why? What did you sign the Declaration of Independence, too? That was fucking glasses, really. He's seeing his glasses, even. You have glasses? Dad has got the word. No, you were. I thought at your sister's, Dad, you wear glasses.

Who are you? That's where Clark Kits are. Who is Dan Soda? Who are you? That's where Clark Kent's are. Who is the dance owner? Who is the real, then they're awful. What's wrong with you? The guy who was always cracking jokes. Who's the real guy? Yeah.

Underneath the pain. Lot of naps and crying. Oh, no. You quit drinking, right? I'm on a sabbatical. What the fuck does that mean? Means we're drying out for a minute. Sabbatical means like a break from something.

I know what sabbatical means, from something. I know it's a bad I mean you dick. I don't want to come dumb, but not that down I mean what yeah, the drunk podcast. Yeah, oh fuck we're gonna well. I was gonna have that tonight. I Slutie man Congratulations. I do too man. I Has more than anyone in my life Him and Schumer always when I'm wasted They're always like hey

Stop drinking yeah, you got your whole life. Yeah, well, did that? How is comedy? Feel whether it is and tell them not to drink But comedy's only field where people try to encourage your bike We're friends Try to encourage your wife. What's wrong with you? I thought we were friends Fuck you. I'm gonna go to Thailand together Thailand fucking talking about Jersey he's side 30th. Oh really? Yeah, sorry, but no comment. Come and he seems to be the only field or like your friends and shit Not digging up. I'm on an anthropic archaea

Dude I think I really I think I broke an axel slurping sound that was a flat tire That was a fucking that was the axel snap to half Try to check it through that layup in the air. I went field you and you went All right, good. Talk about your field People encourage your vices and say oh you're only funny when you're drunk It's not true meant because that would be that comedy is the only field Where that would be true, you know, that doesn't make sense And you know, I like if you're a baseball player, a basketball player, and you got a drinking problem, or whatever.

Is that a field dirt? Do you those fields, but in comedy, it helps you know. Balance helps you. I reckon a lot of people probably told Dan as well when he's been drunk, that, oh, you're so funny, you're so funny when you're drunk. And my favorite Dan is not drunk or stone drunk. Like normal Dan is the best Dan.

Yeah, because he's more balanced, man. Great, yeah. So he'll get his high from swimming. So I will say stone soda is not bananas fun here You haven't hung out with soda properly. Yeah, but I mean Stone is fucking ridiculous. Can I say sober sodas? You know here's a deal she's like a weird we're talking yeah because Well, here's a deal. I mean as far as doing a podcast or doing a show, I think that the sober Dan is more technically sound

than the fucking holy drunk fucked up, Dan. You know what I mean? And I think if you made a decision, it's the point where you're like, you know, look, I'm done for a while because it's fucking you up. I applaud that. I think sacrifice, you know, I quit smoking dude

Yeah, I got I know I was gonna get fat and I was gonna take a pounding for a year to be a fat fuck again. I was I mean I tried to keep continue, but I see you hear him say that while you sit there Fat pay way Oh I knew what's gonna happen He turned me into boss hog Oh shit, all right, so I you done crashing up in my experience. So, uh, yeah, I mean, I think that it's good that you're actually, and it's a lot of people really friends are like, fuck you. What are you doing, stupid? And you're still doing it. That's the hard part.

When people do shit because their friends wanted to do it I fucking hate that the fact that you like you know what fuck it? I'm out for a little bit and you go telling them to fuck off too Because they really he doesn't give a fuck if you drink a knot. He really doesn't Joe doesn't you know Dorosa really doesn't he bought my balls, but he doesn't you know He called me back after we talk that first. Well, here's the guy Derosa does they're not your friend. Yeah, someone really fucking has a problem with it They're not there also puts all the time 50 from cirrhosis of the liver so if you're drinking Jesus Christ is that true

Sorry that were better friends than you guys Why he's you want his show everyone? Yeah He's you want his show everyone I know more about you than he would he want flood fingers fucking calm. Is there a new you Go to the flood you say on iTunes City what happened. What is the day? What it was time? I dad yeah my dad He died of liver failure liver and kidney failure. I didn't know that because he got hepatitis C and he was an alcoholic from wow I didn't know that because he got hepatitis C and he was an alcoholic from wow Is banker is banker parents are drinkers three anime for a grant my grandfather died of cirrhosis He's got no shot this kid my father. I'm finished a fucking sense

You're trying to eat your zingers and he's telling me for the first time ever what how his father died Fucking I'm sorry you guys have to have your intimate frincha moments on air. Yeah, we're good friends Hey, you know what me too Apparently that's the only one this cocksucker opens up is when he can be monster voice Talk to you. What do you need puppets you fucking homo? You It's got to be a better place. Shot cards. Scruffy went to a place where this friend. Now I know where all the voices come from.

It's your little child. They're from the demons. One time, my father died. It's a great chief. Left the planet Earth. He left the ground. He went to the stars. All right, so I didn't know that, man.

That's terrible. Yeah, man. He was fucking banging broad, you said? He was banging rural pussy. That's terrible. Yeah man. He uh he was fucking banging broad you said he was banging rural pussy What's that like Northern California fucking bowling alley Puss really and they go hepsie from that Yeah, he got hepsie and then um, he was you know, he was a drinker and he just didn't have health insurance didn't go get checked up and Well, he was a vet. He was a Vietnam vet. So he went to the veterans hospital and they're like, yeah, you're You're done. My father my father's Vietnam vet, too has he?

Yeah, but didn't fuck around with trailer trash. I wonder if it's something from the war. No, cuz like I said, yeah Yeah, what the fuck I don't think I'm saying I know my dad didn't because I don't know. I don't know how do you know? I don't have heps. Agent Orange baby. Yeah, you're right. I don't know. Wait. That was in the Navy. The agent fucking blue But yeah, he that was the Navy. Yeah, why is that dismissed as just a shit like that ain't shit Yeah, the Navy dude they do shit. They bring They bring the Marines. They bring the Marines over there. I have to tell you what, you know, I think it's I forget the division. There's a division a part of the Navy that the CBS CBS, they go bad-ass motherfuckers before the Marines. They'll go in. They go in first, build the bridges and the roads to get to make the bases

and all that. These motherfuckers are out in the front front The air forces really where you go if you want to avoid all the air forces Yeah air forces the everybody in the military hates the Air Force Because they get all the money first it goes to Air Force and then trickles down to the other branches And they have when I was in Iraq they have the best bases the hottest chicks fuck you know that's why i think for me too for us oh for with who

canady scot canady who's got kennedy you know scot canady now i don't why you so soft right now you're gonna cry but it's been a lot of yelling i thought we'd bring it down i don't know let's bring it down just a bit about iraq and that's what i have a tight as the what i have

what i who's got Kennedy? Scott Kennedy's a comic from Texas. He's been over there like 94 times. What does he do? Is he famous? No, no, he's just done that. How did you get to be famous to go? USO now he just runs his own things there like he runs also not us. So it's not us. So it's a US. I said is it you So I'm saying you us out of civilians like that's what people know is going there to tell Joe. Well, there's a day. But you got paid back to my dead you got money because you're hanging on that you got money. Yeah, so you so you did it for the money it was a grow gig just in Iraq. Yeah, I did it for nothing. I went over there to support the troops and I

did it for nothing. You went to Iraq for nothing. Nothing nothing Oh, well, not one fucking penny you just did you did you did the best rogue gig ever You know, it could have been and you can't done that in Jersey I got I mean that's a little good going to Sensitive I mean I did the same service. I'm not really cheered up troops. I. Not as good as me in Conlon Day. You really cheer them up? Yeah, I mean, where they really like, that was great. Where they like, all right. I want to have 50 emails. I want to have 100 emails. My high.

Please, please. I'm over here. Joe, Joe. I don't know what he's sitting next to. I don't know how to get his hospitals and shit. What the hospitals? I'm gonna get big here on his phone. I did too, but you know what?

I didn't do it for money You guys this pissing I got money. I would have gone how much money did you yet? Not much how much I'm not gonna say on air why he said who's company it is and that's not fair to say okay? Is it thousands no no over a thousand no really no? Oh, so yes really no Under a thousand yes for how many weeks? Like ten days you see she got under a thousand That's fucking Look at my but I fucking care and I'm a goddamn patriot sure you do you

Simplitizer This man went over here in his own fucking dollar What are you a black comic these work you know? Jesus Christ Just screaming in the microphone yana's pop us. I gotta get a letter for that, too. Can you turn down Yana's fucking... I can turn my ears! Why is this so loud? Um, oh, Joe, that's good.

I'm just busy balls. I mean, I would never get paid. I would never do it for money, but that's good that you went on. I mean... This is cool. Yeah. How many letters do you want? This fucking hurts.

You're gonna get letters from a bunch of people with little mouths. You're not... You're not supposed to. That is not cool. I don't know. I don't know. Not good ones, but... You have good teeth if you're open and I can't have spinach.

That's fine. You have you have good teeth if you're open another can of spinach Really Only drink Corona's. Is that the one you get open with the thing? No. So we can have a drink. Wow. You got the scarf on? Yeah. The bomb scarf. This is the bomb scarf.

The lady who wrote the letter, did she hear Kelly's comment when she laughed and goes, holy shit. His teeth looks like graveyard, little tombstone. Did she hear that? But an old graveyard, not like a new one with like- Did the woman hear that? That's funny. You actually thought- You know what? Did you say an old graveyard not like a new one with like the woman here You see an old one yeah, like in a team century. Yeah, right. Yeah

To wrote the letter here that one Right her letter come fucking suck my fat fucking dick The thing is, is it fat? Is it fat? Is it fat? No, I'm fucking loveless. Oh, my voice, I don't sound sad, because I'm a fucking man, median. Ah! Fucking. This is a problem, Joe.

No, it's not. It's seward. Joe, this is the problem. This is the problem. That's fucking ill of it. That's the problem is I did a joke, and after the fact everyone goes, hey, that was funny,

but when I said the joke, everyone was talking about. I didn't hear it. Yeah, cuz you have no timing cuz you're a woman Yeah, okay, you gotta learn the fucking window Before I said it and no one let me get in for the happen is you got so excited that you thought of it that you just Blur it out. Yeah, I think that's cuz you're a new comic and you don't know how to fucking wait to your time to say something, you dumb numb kidding. And the point is, I was kidding.

I was kidding. I don't know, you're not a dummy, I'm kidding. Come on. No, wasn't necessary. And the point is that you fucking when you think, no, well, sometimes it's fun,

but when it's everyone versus me, there was fun. I don't have a view making jokes about how bad my teeth are. I don't like you even tidying. Yeah, Joe, Joe's so sensitive about his teeth when he eats, it's like a Japanese girl laughing. I don't know that Joe was so sensitive.

Well, he's sensitive, but he's taking a hit. I'm not sensitive. I'm just retorting to it. Yeah, he's doing what you do to us. I'm not meant to ever offend you. Kelly, Kelly, here's the deal. Here's the deal Kelly. Joe. Look at me Joe. Joe you really love you love Kelly, right? You like Kelly a lot. You like Kelly a lot. I love Joe Think Kelly is kind of key. I do

Fucking adore Joe Kelly called she doesn't fuck and adore me. Here's a deal Kelly called me the last week I think it was and she she literally was a static how she hung out with you one night and how much how awesome you are She was great. And here's the thing too you guys in on the air This is where fans get fucked up on both sides of it. We're all friends. I mean, I don't you know me The honest is a friend with anybody, but You know to be showed up to anything listen, we're all we're I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Shit to us on Twitter like nice teeth fuck had no sorry What kind of joyous fucking feel good movie like That was perfect. Oh my god that look like a fucking it's a romantic comedy coming out September Hold on shut up shut up. Hello. Hey, you're I'm on the podcast. You want to call you back? You're on the show right now by the way You want to call you back? You're on the show right now by the way Is that Bill?

Uh, yep, call me back. I'll call you back. We're almost done. Hurry up. Hurry up for funny. Is the podcast for you. Yeah, we're making fun of Joe with mouth right now. Hey, all right, talk to you later. Who is that? He said that's easy. Who is that? That's my manager. I was calling him Jim Ser I was a little bit knowing. Yeah, he knows you're a mouth. It's the famous in the business.

We need a guy for this. Now his mouth is too small. He's got Braveheart myth about his mouth. Yeah. I don't know. Oh God. Some of you told us you're fireballs out of the house. How's it going?

We need a touch. Oh, fuck yeah. This is too much backstory. Here we go. So I'm sorry for breaking up. I'm sorry for breaking up. What might be saying too many words in a joke-pack. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There we go. Here we go. So I'm sorry for what my parents say too many words in a joke. Kelly, Kelly 300 words for a five-word joke. Oh, right a letter.

Right a letter. But are you so many nice voices? Everybody just chill out. Yes, we do. Everybody just chill out. Brave heart myth is not a term. We need to do some relaxing song. I'm glad that my people music is.

He's from your stupid island? Yeah, they're trying. But that will let's make a stew. Let's get the doom. Let's get the doom. I just say something. Really quickly. I've even been going low in the background.

What's up, baby? No, no, I don't want anyone to like take me. Nobody's gonna hear that song, by the way, because I didn't turn the fucking thing on. So it's not like a poster. Get there! Oh, I'm in it. Nobody's gonna hear Jim Servical.

It's just us talking. All right, back up, guys. Let's redo it. I'll be Servical, you be me, Dan. Okay, ready? Hey, except you, you ain't a fucking podcast. What's going on? Nothing to do. We're doing the podcast.

Alright call me back soon. Okay, it's funny. Alright, is it funny? Yeah, it's funny. We're making fun of Joe Lis smile. Ah, that's easy. Alright, I'll talk to you later. Hey, that was like Braveheart myth. What?

Oh, man. Everybody relax. Just relax. We need to chill out. I'm feeling good. All right, Kelly, now interrupt. That's what I do. Oh man, what a song. Like, I have to get used to you guys. Shit, no, mate. You have to guys. I think it's me.

Bobby's got tasty music like Nate Bargatsy. It's bowling out in music. This is not a song. I'm a smash hit. It's a smash hit. It's a smash hit. It's a smash hit. It's a smash hit.

It's a smash hit. It's a smash hit. It's a smash hit. Bobby's got tasty music like Nate Bargatsy. It's bowling out in music. This is not a smash hit. That's a smash hit. I actually yelled at my wife on the car for playing it last week. She's like, you like this song? No, stupid. Turn it off.

Then I was playing it yesterday. I was like, this song is great. She's like, I fucking told you about that last week. You fucking you. You know what? She should Boston. You don't do that. Why? You're gonna get a letter. Oh yeah. All right. Well, listen, we appreciate the letters. We appreciate you guys. We love the fans. And

just know that we all love each other on the show. Kelly's a growing little flower on the show. She's learning how to be a comedian. I don't know what you guys took away. You know me and I appreciate that. But I there's only another one I'm gonna learn. I need some money. You know, you learn, we all learn, we're all fucking hanging out. It's fine. It's just a fuck. Look at here's what we do.

We get together. We do a show for you fucking cock suckers in a cube or in a truck and a van and a fucking park while you're working out. So you don't have to listen to that gay song I just played. You can actually listen to some of the funniest motherfuckers in the world, fuck with each other and talk about shit and bring stuff up and never get back to the same point. Nope, fucking talk about AIDS and people dying and all kinds of shit that you know. Aaron's a dying. And sister's a dead. Oh, it's a My beard never stops

I love it brave heart myth dumb mouth. Whoa. I love it I have a joys on fire man. I don't think he's really had one yet Joe drinks so much you know why he drinks so much is because So you know why he drinks so much is because Beer bones glass beer bottles his fits his mouth comfortably regular regular cups hard Fuck it's speaking to that Joe one of your He can't even put his mouth around a beer bottle It's like he's whistling in it

This was horrible things he pointed out to me because now I will be able to look at you without thinking about how small Shit, I never thought about it before. All right guys. We're gonna do We're gonna whip this it get over here fucking to make you Christian Polonco's on this too. Yeah he's doing tech talk with me. I had a tech talk you guys all you're sticking around for this we're gonna whip Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude!

Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude! Get out of the way, dude! Come on now what the fuck Dan could you help people out? Joe you go back you sit there Five o'clock Phil you move over now. We're good. Are you ready? Hi guys. We're gonna want

Where shut up stop doing that. That's what the fucking people do Do you really love his mouth? Do you really do you really I lovegon. We love your fucking Chinese athlete shoulders. Yeah, good. Yeah, we do. I love your midget head. Let me see one tip. Let me see, let me see one tip. Let me see one tip. Just let me see a tip. You're looking at me. Yes, I am. I am. I'll be happy to do it. I want to see a little fucking Dominican baby nipple. That dark. That little dark nipple that looks like it can just pop right off. She cares All right, listen, we're gonna do a little Talk with buddy and friends And Christian

Tech talk is at 136 by the way 36 oh three all right, so what do you got, man? Little tech talk for the people today. Oh, okay. We never got, first of all, never got to UFC. I had the greatest weekend in my life, and I'm gonna have to do an extra show. I'm gonna do a show, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'll talk about it.

I don't know when we're gonna talk about this. I'll bring it up. When? Next episode. Well, this might be the last episode for a while. Why? What? Nothing.

Let's go. Go ahead, but I don't know what the fuck was that. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, I can't go solo. You heard me try to go solo.

It doesn't work. I got it. Let's go. What do you got there, fucking? What do you got? What'd you steal Dominican to fuck with tech talk? What this is a cell phone has scratches in it is a shoe that you don't wear with socks I don't think I should sit until this scene hang on I think that's the problem hang on I gotta give this fucking

I don't know you little see you again old friend Alright let's go Christian's like the sweetest guy just walked into a brush fire What do you got? What do you got fucking hair? I've been talking to, you know about Kelly's horrible, horrible computer problems Yeah Right?

Yeah Her high drive, her high drive failed He's an innocent and a sh** So it didn't her fucking jokes That's because her jokes are on it. I like that I punch that my own joke. I should get I should get something for that. Right in the room.

Go ahead. I lost them all so it's all good. So like how do you lose eight minutes on a computer? What do you have a fucking a 14 fucking K? Yeah, keep going. Kip you have a fucking 14 fucking K? Yeah, keep going. Compute. Wow. Look at that. I should just said 14 megabyte computer.

And I would have won. I'm going to wait for the tuck. Oh, go ahead. So basically saving all your data is like incredibly, incredibly important. And she lost a lot of stuff that she needs. She lost all her music. Yep.

She was crying on the phone. It was tragic. Really, you were crying? Oh my boy. What'd you lose, babe? No, nothing. Let me ask you a question. I had a deadline.

I had to finish a film for my show within like five hours. And it lost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Gay Jo had filmed it for me. And he was like, I'm going to make this film for you. Come over in five hours. I have it ready. Did you have to finger fuck his ass?

Hold the do that. No, we were going to be in the end. You five hours. I have it ready. Did you have to finger fuckers ass hole to do that? Not really. I'm gonna make this. You like that? You like that, can you? Yeah. Wow, I'm glad I have the bandana. You guys were gonna throw an eight of them at me if you had it. I went on the sidewalk. I actually tried to do a shitty game.

Soccer flags come out of this face. Soccer flags? It's a soccer flag. Yeah. It's gonna go. Yeah, this is crazy. It with a soccer flag The ref fuck you that's football that's football stupid Wrap it around there enjoy that you you fucking Harry Greek Yosses into tranny anything soccer has cards

Flags or does have cards I know I I give that big down to this fucking little mouth. Take one down. Alright, here we go. Go ahead. Alright, so spin it out. This is great thing. It's called Drobot. It's it's it's it's it allows you to put four hard drives. Yeah, in a in a bay. And it'll save all your data. Essentially forever. So like you never have to worry about a hard drive failing. So like, right now I have... What's it called again?

It's called Drobos. Spell it. DROBO. And... What's it? It lets you... And you can, just for FYI, which I love saying this last couple days, you can get this on eBay.

So, I mean, Amazon. So, you can go to Amazon, you can go to ridecast.com slash Robert Kelly. If you guys want to grab one of these, go to amazon.com and buy it from there and you're helping out the show. So go ahead. So I've had a mind for about a year and a half. I got two hard drives in there. I got two two terabyte hard drives that mirror each other. So if one of them ever fails, I have all my data on the other one. And you could put up to four. You could do things. It's something called a raid array, which let's rape.

Array, yeah. It's a new technology. It's new technology. It's gonna be big. So you could put up to four hard drives and you can do different styles of storing your data. So you can have 4 hard drives that hold all your data, right? And it'll run quicker. It'll read data quicker to your computer or you can mirror the hard drives like I'm doing. And if one hard drive ever fails or two hard drives even fail, I'll have the data forever. So I have to worry about losing anything important. Well, that's pretty cool.

It's a USB 2 Firewire supported. Yeah. And it's called the Drubble Beyond Raid. Yeah. And you get on Amazon. It's in stock and it's around $289 on Amazon. Yeah. That's saving $100 if you buy it on Amazon right now.

And they have two used for $200, which in refurbish for $240 nights, you can get even cheaper on Amazon. Right, so there you go, that's pretty cool. I have something similar to that. I have three hard drives. I have a three terabyte and I have one terabyte and then I have two 500 gigabytes,

but all plugged into my wireless system. So that I can want to go to the Apple store? Yeah, so when you come to my house, you turn your computer on, if you know my password on the hard drives, you can get access all my hard drives, it wants on one computer. The problem is that if one of the hard drives

will never point pointed me again Get it you can point to me actually point to me I'll point with two fingers. Oh, good. You're too those are fingers you fucking do the floods with You're too, those are the fingers you fucking do the floods with You guys welcome to my show over in Queens Star I'm confused. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! You're kidding us!

Oh! Dionys! I'm crazy. It's the greatest weapon. The problem is that if one of your hard drives ever failed, that's it. I'm fucked. So I should get one of these.

It's incredibly hard. Alright, cool, man. I was actually going to do... I was in the fan expo, USC fan expo this year, this last week. And they had these, the J-bird, Freedom Blue Tooth headsets, which I really thought were cool. I was going to review them, I bought them,

I was going to review them today, I was going to, that was going to be my thing, but they fucked up, they were broken in the box. Which app, look happens, right now I'm dealing with the company, if they fucked up. They were broken in the box. Which app look happens right now, I'm dealing with the company. If they get me a new one this week, I'm fucking good. If I don't get these for a couple weeks, I will be seriously fucking trashing this company.

Right now, I mean, the fact that I bought them out of the box, they were fucked, annoys me to no end. And the fact that I told them, look, I told the guy that I bought him from, I do a podcast, I have a thousand, 30,000 listeners, I have 50,000 people on Twitter, I tell people, you know, shit all the time,

this is cool to get, people know that I, you know, and I wanna review these, you gave me a $10 discount. All right, fine. I see that you gave some fat nerd on YouTube, a free pair who has fucking 10 people watching the video. But, you know, okay, that's cool. So I bought them, but they don't work. But that's cool.

We'll see what happens. Hopefully they send me a new one and everything works out. But if they don't, and it takes, if they treat me like a fucking regular person, you gonna be a pest? I'm gonna be fucking angry. I don't mean it takes if they treat me like a fucking regular person You're gonna be pissed? I'm gonna be fucking angry I don't mean to blow your mind Yeah

I actually have something for tech talk Whoa Wait a second Go ahead It's a dance soda Everybody, wait stop iPhone 4G-A Yeah!

Yay! Welcome out on iPhone And I bought a Mofie case Huh? Nice Why wouldn't everybody have it? But here's my question No, I'm a mofie case I got those why wouldn't everybody have but here's my question No, I'm double battery double technologically retarded. I haven't used it You need to put technology in front of me when you use the mofie

Do you have to charge it back up so it works again? Okay, one quick question is Joe's is your eyes are open. Okay Hang on good Okay. We're gonna plan number one song. So, hang on, go ahead. Yeah. Go ahead. What? Say it, Joe. Joe's got a thing. Is it more expensive?

I mean, is there a mow fee? I love that he actually retied the bid dinner before he said it. So, when I use the mow fee, when I use the extra battery, how do I recharge the, the most, when your battery's low, you turn on the MoFee and it recharges your phone. Yeah, but then how do I get the, the, the extra battery recharged? Okay, when you plug it in, you just plug the cord that came with that. Yeah, right. Is a mini USB plug that right into the wall on the old,

you know, your, your iPhone charger. Yeah. Plug it right into there. Use that cord instead of the iPhone one. But can I just, can I, you can just keep that on. Don't even have to do, oh, charge both. Can I take it off and just charge? Oh, you got the one that comes off the phone.

If you only have an iPhone charger available, take off the Mofi and charge in the phone. Yeah. But if I, if I, what if I just want to charge this? Listen, listen. Then you need the Blackberry charger. It's more of a Blackberry charger. But can I, so then can I take my iPhone

and then charge this on the wall. What? Listen, can I just shut up? Listen to me, I'm gonna fuck you. You shut up, you shut up, everybody shut up. Listen, just keep the phone in the case and charge the case. It does both. Make sure the thing is off, okay, and we'll charge your phone.

And it charges the case. That's it, leave it on. Leave it on on all the time charge it right through that fucking thing make sure it's all the way dead Both of them don't don't keep you know if it's half there don't you know what I mean? How will I know when the mothis completely dead hit the button on the bottom? Look at that. What's that see that see the lights? Yeah, the light when you get no lights It's dead that means you means you're mostly charged. That's your charge. So on the bottom of a mofie, people don't know.

There's a little button. You push that and it shows four lights. If it's four lights to show up, it's fully charged. Three quarters, hence like a gas gauge. Okay, what do you laugh at, you fucking twink? He was so proud that there were just three lights. He knew how many there were. I'm, he was pretty happy about that.

Well, this fucking cocksucker just got a club out of his hand. You know what I mean? He had a flip phone last week. That was called a razor. He had guerrilla glass phone. I don't know, Kya. Well, that's great. Mofi, I have one that they best.

If you have an iPhone 4 and you don't have a Mofi case in your purse or your bag or on it, you're fucking idiot. Because it automatically gives you a whole new phone for the day. Now they fixed the battery life on an iPhone though I have to say that. After the when they had the battery problems they whatever they did made the battery a lot better. Did I charge this last night and I'm still at 82%? Yeah you have no friends you don't even use your phone. I don't know what it could be.

Would you agent call you nine times? I don't. I don't. He's doing tech. I called him last night and his voice went, uh, the person you are calling has not set up their voice mail yet. Wow.

Well, bandanas. Wow, purely on that one. You're fucking. You're pretty glue. Actually, he's tired around your head, like an Indian, like a crappy Indian with no jokes. Well, I'll take that back. The spirits have not gone inside his head.

You know, just fucking hit me up right there. Reed Harris. You know, Reed Harris is a fucking top guys at UFC. The guy took care of us all weekend him and Jim burn fucking hook this up. Jim burn is PR guy. Reed Harris fucking, I mean, literally takes care of all the fighters and everything behind the scenes. Ran the fan ex-po this time.

Did you meet my friend, Shanda? Who? Shanda? No, but I'm talking about my friends who are more important. She works at Zufa, she's one of the top people. All right, well, what's her name? Shanda. Hey, all right, no, but I'll wait her next time.

I love, the people that you have seen, I'm just gonna say this because we didn't talk about it and we gotta go, fucking the the best the best organization bar none I've been comped with the fucking MBA and MLB. You're nothing. You're nobody. They're so fucking big And there's so much they don't give a fuck about you unless you're Tom Cruise the UFC if you're a fan and they fucking I saw Dan and I just talking to anybody. The fucking president of the company, the fastest growing sport, Reed Harris,

the nice, he doesn't have to be fucking nice to me. You know what I mean? Sweetest guy ever, Jim Burns, same thing. All down, they're the best organization ever. I fucking love the sport, and those people, the fucking best. The next episode, I really do wanna talk about you going to the UFC, because I wanna talk to you about what you thought about

Cote's fucking boxer briefs. Oh God, and I don't like his little jiggly ass. Yeah, his fucking, his sad body. I said it looked like you woke up your tough roommate. Let's do another podcast this week. An extra one just, just us talking about, and you know, not just us, but everybody can come, whoever, not you,

but they, sorry, honest. No, but we should come, whoever. Not you, but they, sorry, honest. No. But we should do a UF-Sphere special one. So we'll do a double one this week. You guys are going to get an extra one this week because you asked for it. What? I can't. Why? I got to do my, the web series. I'm on when? Wednesday through Saturday. Really? All day, all night. Yeah. All you know, I can do it tonight.. Yeah, we are a studio now. Okay. Fucking clock sucker. What do you Joe? Derosa? That's the Joe used to do. I got a meeting with who you can't have a meeting with your aunt. Okay All right guys, man. This has been a great show. You honest fucking thanks brother. Thank you for having me. We just shook hands

That was my first time I ever did that. I think thank you would have just suffice, right? You reached out. All right, I reached out. Thanks for coming on. What do you got to promote, dude? I don't know when this is coming out. When's it coming out? Christmas.

No, it's coming out. Yeah, just don't worry about it. That's great. Yeah, no, it's not. You got to get a website? Yeah, just check me out online. Just check out my characters. Check me out online.

Just some great characters. Yeah, really? Yeah, she is. You know, it's funny, dude. You funny, dude you gotta come back on dude because I want to talk about that Awesome brother and now what's your Twitter name? Yannis Papis all one word. I'd spell that chick. Why an NIS PAPPS. All right. What do we get over here my friend Joe list the truth? Yeah Album on iTunes so far no good. Fucking great album. I bought it.

At funny. Very funny. That's how my I bought it. Thanks for your time. At your list comedy on Twitter, dude, one of the funniest guys. I'm fucking everybody loves you, man. I can't tell you how many Twitters and shit. Joe has a new brand new joke that's killing inspired by me. Yeah, it's about Kelly. I got a Kelly chunk.

It's called. It's a country. It's a country. Flapy arms. It's now. Hi Kelly, what do you got? I'm just the first Saturday every month, 10 o'clock Creek in the cave under Belly Show or follow me at Twitter, K-E-L-O-I-F-A-S-G-U-C-A. What do you got there fucking dingleberry? Um, that's Christian. Thanks. Follow me on Twitter at Chris Polanco and go to offstagepod.com to listen to my podcast, which everyone in this room is outside of my home. It's still the most popular. The soda is the most popular. Get the fuck out of here. I've never done it though.

I would love to have you on that. But you said I was the most popular. I'll take away. I'll take it away from everybody. I don from everybody. I got a good story on there really Really? You're the most talented. Well, you didn't tell it on this show. Hey, I did a brief version of it Okay, a brief you do the brief one on this one and you do the full version on that fucking Not everyone was so you shitting on me. It was just me and Christians. I could tell the full story

Yeah, so you want so you'd rather have fucking 20 people listen to it than 30,000. You know, at those 20 people though, they got the full chill. What do you got Phil? Phil. Yeah. Hey, take your time, Phil. We've got a whole new website,

a lot of nice, you know what, dude photos on it. And I got a nice surprise. Like I said, you guys last week, a nice surprise comment. Kelly, Nick, everyone get excited. Really? That's on the way. Did we get to see Kerry's ariola is it panko brown brown Dead because her tit died once

That bandana back please all right Dan what do you got buddy? Twitter ad dan sutter and come see me open for Bobby Palisades comedy club and come see me open for Bobby Palisade's comedy club. Hey. We love it. Yeah, baby. I make sure yeah, and now go to robbercowleylive.com for all my dates. Get my app award winning fucking app.

The best comedy app of the year. Check it out. Now, now, now, now. Boom, boom, boom. Get the comedy app to find out where I'm gonna be. Check out the podcast. Make sure you go to ridecast.com, check out the new shows. We got the Davey Max Sports program, which is fucking hilarious. Brand new to the

network. Eastside Dave, you've heard him on the Ron of Fest Show. He's hilarious. His show, he just joined the ride. Make sure you go check him out, subscribe and leave a review. Weird medicine. Bailey J show, all the new shows, the Jersey jerks, the old shows. My My wife hates me why you sucking bed and him a fristing and Weird medicine fucking party hour. Yeah, I was weird science party. I actually did that you're really great guys Yeah, so make sure you check him out and of course glory hole the original podcast I'm not worried. It's what a good thing. Fucking a bird with AIDS.

Make sure you check them out. Thanks for supporting the show guys. Here's another show. And here's the thing. Here's I'm going to give you an address right now. You guys want to send stuff to the show. We're going to put it on the table, put it around the room. You want to see your stuff on these videos

and these gray photos that fill it taken. Send it to 6, 7, 6, A, 9th Ave, number 424, New York, New York, 1036, send us whatever you got, dolls, fucking photos, posters, don't take, don't, you can send a voodoo doll of, of Dan. No, don't do that. Send us one of Joe DeRosa. Yeah, that would be cool. Make sure it doesn't have any shoes. Whatever you got, whatever you want to see on the table, you got a little gift, these you want to give Kelly, Dan or anybody on the show, you can send stuff there.

If you have letters or fucking, whatever you have, send it to that address. You guys are great. Make sure you again, check out our sponsors by something off Amazon, go to our website, riotcast.com slash Robert Kelly, and go to gameply.com, gayflime.com slash YKWD. Join up, you're gonna save yourself a lot of money and a to Gamefly.com, gafelome.com slash YKWD.

Join up, you're going to save yourself a lot of money and a lot of time. You guys are great, thanks a lot. Bye. When I wake up, yes I know I'm going to be. I'm going to be the man who wakes up next to you. When I go out, yes I know I'm going to be the man who wakes up next to you When I go out, yes I know I'm going to be I'm going to be the man who goes along with you If I get fat, yes I know I'm going to be

I'm going to be the man who gets fat next to you And if I'm gay, yes I know I'm going to be I'm going to be the man who's been gay with you But I would drive one hundred feet and I would drive one hundred more I'd less sit snowing or even Monday than I won't come into work when I'm working Yes, I know I'm going to be, I'm going to be the man who's working hard for you And when I'm living things, yes I know I'm going to be I'm going to be the man who ruins things for you

When I'm eating, yes I know I'm going to be I'm going to be the man who's eating next to you And if I'm still gay, yes I don't go to be, I'm going to be the man who's been gay with you. Then I would drive 100 feet and I would drive 100 more and less it's snowing for a Monday then I would come into work No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I can't stop you, you stinkin' stinkin' stinkin' You know what I'm dead? I'm stuck in the fog, I'm stuck in the fog, I'm stuck in the fog

You know what I'm dead? I'm this cock, I'm sorry, I'm sorry You know what I'm sorry, I'm sorry You know what I did? Really did, really, really You know what I did? I just started sticking Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face.

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