Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - FU, FU, FU

Episode Date: February 17, 2014

Robert is joined by Mike Cannon, Dave Smith, Dan Soder, Luis J Gomez, Kelly Fastuca and Chris Scopo. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Activa es lúnico. Porque a diferencia de otros, Activa ha demostrado que sus millones de probióticos naturales llegan vivos a la microviota. ¡Wow! Y además ayuda a tu salud digestiva. Activa. Buscas contenido gratis.

I wanna be free. Fluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o sensación de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. universidades y centros de investigación del mundo. Tu talento te mueve. Solicitate veca en fundación la caixa.org. You're listening to Robert Kelly's You know what dude? On the RiotCast Network. RiotCast.com Okay folks, March 11th, March 11th, Bonnie and I will be doing a live podcast from the village

Underground alive my wife hates me. Please go to comedy seller dot com Under feature events you can buy your tickets. It is March 11th 8 o'clock. We will have a celebrity guest At o'clock we will have a celebrity guest, married counselor come in. It's gonna be great, it's gonna sell out. So get your tickets now, commiceller.com, feature event, live podcast. Let's find you. Let's find you.

Let's find you. She lost him too. Welcome, welcome. To the funniest podcast,, on the planet Earth. I was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on it. It's just us sitting down, and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's intense.

No topics, no directions. I love doing it. This podcast has no rules. Can I get a microphone? I'm sure I've already sent you the recording. It's rubber killing. You know what, dude? You know what, dude? You know what dude?

I know what dude! I guessed it. Unblade casted. I got my against the gun. Tried. Come. Bring it. It's Sports Talk Radio. We're talking Super Bowl 48.

We're talking to New York Giants 2014 season. The next are the out of the playoffs already. 1-8-8, you call it. I really want to be a sports talk. Good, good, good. What's up? We are back. Lewis looks like an amateur cage fighter and Kelly looks like a slutty girlfriend.

He's doing real good. He's back. Like she gets sexually excited by violence. That's my man. All right. So, check it out. We're back. You know what, Dude? Live. Welcome everybody to the show. The hottest show on a Tuesday in the village. It's my day, right? I guarantee we're the hottest show on a Tuesday. I've been singing mode today by the way So just fucking be full warned Show I love it. She look like you're fucking gaining more weight. That's not true He's not inflexion already Kelly once go on the room and introduce everybody. Okay, well, there's me, Calviziga. And you are always last.

Okay, good. Unto my right, we have Louis J. Gomez. Back from his trip of C, where you got into some fights. We'll talk about that later. Oh, I can't wait to talk about that. And he got off the hepatitis boat. He got off the fucking B tour.

All right, well, let's talk about it. Little boy, and then to his right, well, welcome, I haven't seen you in a few months because I've been away in New York. Are you farting? I'm wondering if I should or not. Good. Just do it.

And if you want to look into the fridge, Danny, there's a present for you all the way from Australia. Still my head of my dead father. What's in the fridge? What's in the fridge? Daddy, it's me. Daddy, it's me. Daddy, Gary's daughter. Daddy, it's me.

A whole bag. Oh, yeah. Coming with that caramel o'cuaola. You know what, the fuck, what, what? You kind of sugar. No, my wife can. Well, because your wife's smoke a gang of weed. I don't know what's the gang of.

Shut the door, you waste an energy. Okay. All right, guys. Kelly, your tits are awesome. I know. I was just going to say. I'm stepping over the line. I've never fucking really stepped over the line with her. I'm stepping over the fucking line I would fucking Titty fuck Kelly. She has

She has the best they've ever looked. She's toe toe your toe truck secretary. Wow Too long where's the big day? It's been away for a while. Do you do me a favor jump out the window? Where do you think it is? I don't know where he's thinking it is That bandana I'll leave it on any other mic. I'll always find its way back to Kelly's mic It actually goes there to be famous boobs. We look bad. They look good But the rest of my body look shit You're starting to break your fucking spit it out your fucking Lobshotted tit can't

You and your fucking family a fucking Jews kind of fucking people away Henry You're in your fucking family, a fucking juice. Kind of fucking people at A. Henry! Glad. And then to his right, we have, I don't know, are you still using MTV? As a, yeah. Sure. He's from everywhere.

When do you give credits while you're intro? I don't know. Well, because he's not a regular regular. So I want everyone to know. Lewis? Lewis? We'll find any crack and Kelly fucking There's a big one in between her titties

Oh Faya put a finger up my butt I get going Your entrust you're dying to talk about it and do the Russian accent I got from my well. It's got a podcast to stand up labs. Down in the middle. We got to talk about this. You're favorite network. I love the, here's it there.

Who stopped with stand up labs? Stand up labs, I bust balls on Joe. Because he has 400,000 followers. And he has fucking eight Twitter followers. But I was busting balls because it just doesn't make sense to have 480,000 people following you. And you've done eight shows. But no, I'm kidding around.

I love stand-up labs. I'm glad that I love the shows they have. I'm a fan of race wars. I'm a fan of... Fuck it, I say we start to be right now, where I cast versus stand-up. Oh, no, no. That's why I'm being invited to be a mother fucker. a fan of uh... race wars yeah yeah i'm a friend of uh... fuck it i say we started before right now right as vs. uh... that's why we invited you in the market

we're gonna fuck you up we took the weakest show we were ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha thousand fucking down Benji's like Joe, I don't know what to tell you 300,000 people listen to the last two things with stories I mean while I got one guy on Twitter gone. Oh, this year episode is pretty good Benji's Benji's running upstairs going Joe. I don't know what's happening three million It's a hit and then Joe's like He's gonna be fucking pissed I am very listening.

Bobby, are you mad at me? Because I have seven times the listenership that you showed us. Are you mad at me, Bobby? Joe should be selling out Carnegie Hall with the numbers they're pushing on. Yeah, he has fucking drill code, fucking numbers.

Yeah. Boys are weird. Image, graphic, joe list, is Boston code. And black people aren't the same as white people That's why we cheer for the salt that's definitely the Boston code Here's a deal I have no listen man God bless them. I love their shows and support their shows I support the network good for you guys. Yeah, yeah, I just I just boss balls a little bit

They call me somebody call me dude. They want to come on the podcast and fucking set the record straight no You guys listen You at Joe has to Joe has 20,000 listeners. There you go. He has 400,000 followers Fucking do you know happy makes me that he has half a million Millions and millions of fucking follow that makes me happy I fucking love and I love Sherrod. I love I love race wars. I love you know good in whatever He loves the actual race wars. He loves the plot of a full-on black on So so here's a deal.

Benji, I love the club. It was very nice to be. Yeah, so great. We love Jews. I do. I'm a fan. I love that there's networks popping out up in the East Coast, finally.

That is really cool. I really am. But their numbers is really, it really is like a Ric Flair exaggeration. But you would just, you think you'd be able to sell out stand-up New York labs if you had a million. I don't suppose.

You think that they, listen, they would never, ever, ever, ever have a fucking empty seat in that house. There's 400,000 people following one guy. That's more, that's like, that's like fucking, the Norton doesn't have that many. Conan gets like that That's not a skirt masker. No, but I I really do I I had there's no beef that you guys that's I love it If that's if that all that shit's true, and I'm it is good for you 20,000 downloads a week Oh, that's not us. I think I know

I'm just looking at you when I'm talking. No, I think it's great. I really do. Good for that, man. Good for the network, it's great. Because look, we can't take everybody. We can't do it. So there's another network popped up. And we're gonna add a bunch of shows soon, but we're hand picking three more shows, four, maybe four. But it's just, we run a different operation.

They have, I love it because they have a place. They have a studio. They give Joe a fucking opportunity to do a show. And Kurt, I love Kurt, I love Sharad, I love what they do and then your show, I love it. So good for them. Honestly, God, support their network, go there, give them 40,000 a week, give them 6 million followers, millions. I find when I said Joe finally 388,000. I was like Jesus Christ. I've been on television. He did access life Well, you're not tapping into the stand the nerve that I think I think what's happening Robert the millennial demo Yeah, it's Papa's word. Let's get a red wig on you. Let me explain the numbers. Can I come on the show?

I would have been on the show. Oh, those people, if they want, but not to have I can feud it out. I could give a fuck. Greenwich versus seller round two. Yeah, do you think? Do you think? Right?

That went well. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I'm a fucking, I'm a double fucking golden belt who I was not going to say. There's nothing better than being boiled back down to elementary school children in there's nothing better than grown men being boiled back down to elementary school children. There's nothing better than I get.

Listen, you're fighting credits. I punch through a board. I punch through a board at my cousin's house. This one time I got in a fight with a guy from another school and I made him bleed. I just got a text from Sprance who said that the numbers for Tuesday's of stories is now 699 thousand You said me a screen dump of the page. Let me see. Let me see. There's a screen dump of the page

We're at 7000 Such a kind of blabstep 30 seats By the way, I had such a fun time 699 By the way, I had such a fun time on that pile. Listen to me. Listen to me. Six. Six hundred and ninety nine thousand people. You realize that Joe List would never have to work again because his albums on iTunes if those numbers were real. No, listen, if he had two percent of that, he could move out of wherever the fuck he is and get a fucking Honda.

Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, but while you guys are all laughing at him you should be smart try to get him to plug this show on his With that who do we have? It's one of the co-highs of hammer-fisting and the future father of my children Thanks me one one of the originals From him of course of hammer- Fisting back in the day. And I remember when there was these two potheds, I would go on, dude, and this is when he had his trench coat

and he didn't have it a personality, when Lewis would just see you, hey man, I'm promoting something. He just had a flyer hangout of his pockets. Halfway through Lewis realized we weren't recording, it was just a phone call, he was like, oh, we're just talking to Bobby Kelly on the phone. Yeah, I'm just like, I'm a podcast.

I'm fucking at his, I'm literally at this apartment that it's a block. That was the a phone call. Yeah, we're just talking about be Kelly on the phone. Yeah, I'm not podcast. I'm fucking at his I'm at I'm literally at this apartment that I It's a block it's a block away from me and it seems like a world away from me Oh, you mean the ones? The apartment that looks like you're hiding from the authorities because you just murdered someone I mean it's like we remember district nine And look like one of those fucking monsters are gonna pop out of the other apartment i honestly every time i go there be a glues did you just rob a bank

it's just like a money counting apartment yeah so i'm fired yeah i go up and uh and i literally had to tell i'm literally every five seconds it had to tell david to shut his face and then him to shut his because they day and value on the show but they were so high they would just fucking talk yeah and they would go and it and it wasn't bad bad, they were making sense, but it's like, dude, shut the fuck up and let me say something. That episode's out there. So the first time Bobby was on Hammer Fizzing, episode six,

it's up on the Hammer Fisting page. Websaworn episode two, oh, six right now. And that's why he is a hustler. Cause he saw an opportunity, Dave didn't see it. Cause Dave went podcasting for four years. I know 100% I thought it was such a ridiculous idea I just didn't even believe in it Lewis Lewis really got it and I did lose always been a way way better like business mind Well, I actually been better than both of you because I own a network Not not stand a blab I own three percent of Senate New York labs and I'm waking making way more money

I and I'm making way more money than you. I... Stand-up Labs is a public company at this point. No one really owns it. There's seven. Didn't they just buy Apple? I think Stand-Up Labs is coming out of the new I-Z. That's a big three Google Apple Stand-Up Labs. Everyone. 699 million.

Do you know that Stand-Up Labs makes more of the Google operating system than Google does? Jesus, I mean, 699,000 people. Listen to me, one show. Joe, that's just a subscriber. What do I say, I guess? Do you understand Joe list, his show is better than all of Ryan Cass? It's so popular, N Neilson ratings have started tracking.

You know, it's crazy though, not that loyal offense. 669,000 listened, I got seven Twitter followers. So they're not real good on the Twitter. Well, you're not Joe Lista Mark Norman. People follow them, not you. No, no, no, Joe has 2,000 people, and he got them all from this show. Well, clearly everyone's breeding and Tuesdays.

Friends are telling four friends. And four friends are telling eight friends. And then eight friends tell 660 miles. Now it's Tuesday with 699,000 friends. All right guys, and don't forget to catch Mark Norman and Joe list at MetLife Stadium. Mark's 20 seconds. We sold out a arena too.

Opening up for the girl code girls. Oh boys are weird. Are they weird? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Give it up the show Are you guys ready to see the menu came here to see oh? Do you know the more? You got to get Chris D back on the show. Oh, yeah, you do I don't know if he can You know I've invited him twice and he's blown me off twice. His girlfriend's dating a Nick now Well, that almost got real accurate. Here's the

I was like Lewis is this old Lewis. This is I have a career Lewis Stopped it Nick I want to I want to get negate that you want to I'm not gonna say who was better girl walked up to me. She's like what is Lewis Jake Gomez's fascination with black people she walked up to me and asked me to show them I go who was this? He's racist so that's his fascination with what is this? I'll tell you it was Oprah. It was Oprah Winfrey. She's on Tuesdays with stories. That's a lot of the big It was. Oprah Winfrey. She's on Tuesdays with stories next week. Yeah. That's a rather big dog now.

All right, so listen. So anyways, when we got Chris Scope over here, we got myself, we got, you know, introduce yourself first, right? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. So anyways, Dave Smith and, Mike Kinnon. What?

Mike Kinnon. Now I wasn't gonna go to him. I was gonna say something about him. They both have the same hair. Dave Smith and Mike get it. What? Mike get it. Now I wasn't gonna go to him. I was gonna say something about it. They both have the same hair. Yeah, similar. Yeah. Mine still has its original color. I would like to say though, is that I would love to have Chris on.

Again, that's what I was trying to get. I would like to have Chris on again, but we've asked him how many times. Yeah, he's a way actually. But he's never even responded, right? No, he did his late. Yeah, like four days later. Which way actually, but he's never but he's never even responded right now. He did his late Yeah, like four days later, which is basically gonna go fuck yourself by the way, but yeah, we will have mine again But I doubt he'll be able to talk about he's yeah, well he's diligently retweeting girl code viewers So it doesn't have time to I'll take that

Scopo good to see you I was actually gonna jump in let me see if this works But scopo good to see you. I was actually gonna jump in. Let me see if this works. But Scopo, good to see you and your Jameeraquai hat. That's fun. All right. He looks like girls. I used to fuck when I started doing colleges and comedy. Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking of the meaty ones

that you know are a sure thing. Yeah. He's got graveyard shift at circle K face. Yeah. Oh, fuck it out. Yeah, he does have wall-wad cheeks. Yeah. Yeah. You're like a walk in them. Yeah, he does have wall wall cheeks. Yeah, walking the like bathroom's not open after 10 p.m.

Thanks go. I'm the N R R N, one of the fucking is. So you went on a cruise Lewis this week. Yeah, last week me Dave and Big J region of skanks hit the the high seas. We have two of the big, you actually could be Big J if he ever got a shit together and had willpower. That's if Big J grew up with a proper family. Oh, I did not have a proper one, no.

Yeah, you went on this fucking stupid cruise. There was a cool cruise. I did cruise is suck. No, this wasn't a normal cruise. It's not your average cruise. I mean, it's like, what kind of iron metal maniacs? If you're ready. Yeah, that's good.

You put your pop a roach But you grown men with fucking shorts that go over their knees Don't be really sure some big Jane wallets big J fit in so well You're not so man told you man's up in the air if you love metal I just imagine if big J needed to escape you just fall back into the crowd you just fall back into the crowd. Yeah, everybody would run. Yeah, it is it is fucking ridiculous, dude. I mean, I'm not like a metal guy at all. It's pretty. You just like these 50 year olds still like go all out on the boat. And you're just like, all right, what you still angry at your dad or something, dude. I'm doing. I asked

big J the over under on how many women were looking for a devil's threesome on that. All right, you guys are going into this. Let us explain it, because people who don't know what the fuck you're talking about are going, huh? And then I get in it. You guys went on a fucking metal cruise ship rock. Ship rocked out of New York City. No, out of Miami. So you had a flight in Miami.

A little flew to Miami. flew to Miami, which is four nights, five days. How did it feel flying back near the motherland? Lewis, never, he's never been happier, dude, when he, it is unbelievable. It's like every cell in his Puerto Rican body knows it's closer to home. Yeah, he's close to where it should be.

He's fucking vibrating center. He's most plant pains fresh on the tree. He's smarter, he knows things. I don't know. It's like, you can't eat those berries. Really? You're gonna swim diagonal, the front. The tide will get you.

You guys can't worry about sharks in this region of the ocean They don't attack on me exact opposite like my northeastern Jew just comes out of me. I'm is there a starbucks anywhere? You're Jewish yeah I'm Oate a lack of mingle hearts so I'm O.T. a lack of mingle hearts. So, um, so yeah, we go out and I'm not done hang on fucking stupid. I'm not done. So there's a big don't put there. You tell the story. I know. I'll push the mic away stupid.

A little bit back. I'll push the mic away so Chris can get it. Hold on. Because Chris is looking at the chat, too. Did you get it? They got it. I could. They're cut back and good at it. Yeah, anyways, it's a ship you guys are going to do comedy.

They're going to have metal. It's like a floating musical. It's like a boss on a boat. O's Fest on a boat, but not good bands, right? Not great. Some of them are good. Not great. Not Aussie.

Like, yeah, it's if you watched O's Fest, if you went to O's Fest from noon to 3 p.m. I like a lot of it. It's five finger death punch awesome. Yeah, all right. Everybody knows that band Five finger death punch. I have that shirt listen in this moment, I have those mittens. Listen. So, brewer, well Jim Brewer was, he was on the comedy show. He was doing like a comedy music show. He was doing a great comedy. So, you guys are doing comedy on the ship. Yeah. Just you three, right? To do on the show. Yeah. Okay. So, it's a fucking, it's a mediocre comedy show even, right? I mean, someone's me. someone's really goes a con term. Yeah, all right

So so you go on this cruise you three and then Explain what happens explain the atmosphere when you get on the boat. Well, there's no I mean, it's not like a little stand-up comedy It's like you got you know, it's not like doing like, relax stand-up comedy. You gotta like go at these people. It's a very aggressive like thing. Wait a second. But it's fun.

You're trying to tell me on Shippur off that the audiences were not quiet and attentive and down to listen to stand-up comedy. But a lot of fun. Like you would have had a lot of fun before. Yeah. You would have loved it. Well, I mean, Kellyan. Like you would have had a lot of fun before. Yeah, you would have loved it. Well, I mean, Kelly and Scopo would have jumped

outside of the boat, but any real comic would have fucking had a blast with warming. Kelly's tits looking the way they are today. You can't slam it on everything. She has. Don't hit me again, Kelly. I'll punch you in your face. Oh, man, do it.

Look the fuck is wrong. She hit me. She hit you as a woman. Yeah, it's a woman hitting you. I don't like is wrong with you. She just hit me. She hit you as a woman. Yeah. It's a woman hitting you. That's so funny. I don't like being hit. My mom used to hit me.

No, dude, everybody's mom hit me. Yeah, I got a hit by a guy. You pussy. I got beat by a stepdad. She shoulda hit you. Sorry, your father didn't stay around long enough to hit you. I wish you woulda popped you in the head before you walked out the door.

Got that knife to his chest. Oh, was that what happened? Oh, yeah, that's it. Right, Bobby is Puerto Rican. You knew it's 50-50, that was for you. Cheers to Dan's dad. Yeah, guys have a McCarty and Coke. Dying the child support.

Dying the old fashioned white way. Yeah, to go out the nice white Christian way. Alcohol. Slow and brutal for your whole family. Fuck that out the door. I don't come back tonight Do you think when Lewis's dad was bleeding out he was like fuck I gotta get home and hit my kid Wind gave it We'd please let my child for me at home and hit my kid. Yeah. Please, please, win, David. Win, please, win, please let my child for me.

I jai jai, I'm getting so cool. Darius, do we want favor? What's that baby? Get a new one. I do baby, I do I do everything. Are you happy? And then you hit him once for you. Yes, puppy.

It was for me. Okay, today's that's for you. And, puppy. It was for me. Okay, that's for you. And it might be mom has a Spanish answer. I just tried. No, you know, you know, you know, you know, my, my, my, my dog. So you're, all right, let's get back. This is going to be a tough show. My dad's last words were, wait, we're at a coke.

I got, I'm not so, so, so, mix with my rum. So you, so you, you, you're on the boat mix with my rum. So you so you you you're on the boat you're doing comedy shows you get it. There's one a night. There's two shows In four nights. So it's every other night. So it's four nights. You're on the boat. Yeah, and you're going to where and we're going to the Bahamas, but it's not the Bahamas dude. Here's a thing then this is where the cruise line really fucks you because they take you to a private island Off of the Bahamasamas They own right now You got a island And it's just nickel back in cream. They're like give us I think at AC DC angus shun is he's just dying on a log

You watch your goddamn mouth AC DC is still relevant. They are not they're omitted from being on rock guy Ooh relevant of all the words you could have chosen The fan With relevance yeah, they wanted to defend there's a reason that they only sold their album at Walmart You have a point that fucking thin finger at me again. I swear to god It's a rock island so rock island you they own the island see you gotta use like your room key on the you can You can't even watch it political Lewis is here today political Lewis is here to say I'll be And politically dumb faggot vote Oh

Vote for me and we're right back to street And real Lewis is bubbled up you can suck my dick you dumb kite faggot I'm gonna be on TV someday Bobby hey Bobby. I just gonna call from NBC. Could you please erase that podcast? I ordered it you oh, can you go back to the backlogs? Loosen. I know if it was stand-up labs, they're probably doing a lot easier But I'm really worried about this getting out there. I can't easy. This is gonna happen Lewis is gonna book something get on TV Becomes to see something crazy and awesome. I step over the line have t-shirts made

Just like for us gump. It's gonna be great And then someone's gonna like find this episode you stupid faggot and it's over Whatever I did not gonna happen. Oh, it's gonna happen the such I'm gonna go back and Release it to whatever so you're on hold you say I've heard you say mega I've heard you say everything never ever said it your lawyer. I've never said it without it being funny I've never I've always said it with intent to be funny you just he just called me a said it with intent to be funny. You just, you just called me a fucking bag. It was funny to ever laugh.

Yeah, because you're so fucking, you meant it. Magic lie. No. Go ahead, Lewis. Don't make it real. Go ahead. I was kidding with the whole thing about your career ever making it.

We could have stopped there. I mean, the fact that you actually assume that that's gonna happen. Go ahead. All right, so fucking. I forget with the political thing. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm not fucking political, bro. We ain't I'm god Yeah, we know that would be the fucking if they're in lies the ha ha that I called you political

So look the fans on the boat Are you holding a fucking tissue? I do magic every once in a while now. Good. You're on the camera ready. Yeah, this is pretty awesome now. You're on the camera. Ready? Yeah. This is pretty awesome. Yeah. What? What? If you try to fool me with the fake thumb again. You didn't turn it, you didn't know. I just learned it. I got it. Man, I'm disappointed. I mean, you're getting Dan from a month with this trick. Every writing meeting is from going to a month. First of all, I don't want you guys to ever call a writing meeting. You and him at your house eating tuna salad. I wish you a good idea for tuna salad.

Thanks Bob. Tuna meetings catered by Bobby Galli. Dan, you got your laptop, you got your weed, you got your tuna salad. Boom. All right, go ahead. So the fans are actually awesome. The shows are like one in the morning, so they're a little chaotic at that point. Oh my God.

But people aren't fucking great moods. People are into the comedy shows. They have AA meetings on the ship. Thank you, Dad. I don't care. Actually, they 100% do have AA meetings on the chef. Actually, now just remember someone telling me they do that They legitimately do that's a

A Co-Hit this is a thing a minute and a half to go oh Yeah I'm sorry I was I was thinking about something I want to say I'm Couldn't shut his fucking mouth three years ago. Now we won't talk. He's like, well, the band, like we get these bands at the level of this ship.

It's always like, you know, kind of what's a, these guys who maybe like had a few hits in the 90s. Now they're early 2000. So we don't get them, like last year it was like pro-war, this year of pop-a-roach. So we don't get them when they're like partying and fun. We get them when they're all Christian

and not drinking anymore, but like, they have a great story about getting pussy and 98 or something like that. So that's Fred Durst. Yeah. So it's not relevant. Manson was on the rise. Hey, I'm fine.

Clinton was in office. The pussy was flowing. I just feel like Dave told half a story. I feel like it was supposed to be another half to that. And then they just started stabbing everyone. Well, it's funny. It's funny how my dad died. Dave didn't have the pacing or the tone right? I feel like I was supposed to be another half to that and then they just started stabbing everyone It's funny. It's funny how my dad died. Dave didn't have the pacing or the tone right? So he cut it like it was half a story He's like, I'm talking about like getting pussy. You know this I just like to throw some data at the edit it

What's your name again? Mike okay I'm sorry one of the stars of stand-up labs Feel free to fucking talk anytime you feel something come out. Sure. I know it's still his voice for his podcast later. He's got a lot of. I know these out the $700 microphone you used to. What?

So it's finished. They got an island. Sorry. So they got an island and you got to basically spend all you have a room key that has all of your money on it. You got to put money on it. So you can't actually give any money to the Bahamas. They don't let you.

You have to spend money with the ship the whole time, even when you're in the Bahamas. You can't get a calling card, go to a pay phone. So basically when you go on this island, which it's the Bahamas, but it's a section of the Bahamas that they own. Eight little shops, did you go out like T-shirts and shit? And they own it.

And they own it. That's the average thing. And you use your card and they take the money off of that. So basically it's their little world It's cheesy. You're not really in the local Bahamas Also, that's probably how they get you to spend a lot you just fucking swipe in a card It's like On this boat and then how much money can they squeeze out of you the entire time that you're on the boat?

What's the same? That's the same like ideas like Disney bucks or anything like that Just get your cash out of your hands and then you're spending some imaginary shit So you did that at a comedy club. I work stand up New York or anything like that. Just get your cash out of your hands, and then you're spending some imaginary shit so you don't know. There's a comedy club I work at. Stand up New York. Did you know? Stand up, Bucks. They're actually saying it's stronger than the yen at the point.

It's the Bitcoin. And I love his own currency now. Web Bucks. I'm not a killer. Comes in at the end of repeats, but actually everybody just said she's a hype man. They did do homecoming signals. Yeah, cake stop, wonk stop. Yeah He leave a heart, lady

Everybody want to three look at Kelly's tits. I mean they're incredible unbelievable. She keeps power shrugging They do it's fucking power That man. I don't know you're children. I'm just mashing them. Yeah, so I, they know they had a comedy club, Dick's DICK DORITY, who basically had a bunch of clubs. He put a club anywhere. He put a fucking club in a Starbucks, and just hang he had a head, this big fucking head. He had a beard, right?

He had a head, no no beard, he had long hair, and he would put his head up, and Dick DORITY's fucking whatever, Chinese restaurant, and he would pay you in dick bucks. That you could use at the restaurant to buy most dick bucks. So, does she get paid for every comedy show she's on? So, I thought it was all right. They all, they all left.

I liked it as coy fuckin' lookin' at me cause that was a goon, right dad? And so, I wish you'd get stabbed like my real dad. He's very aggressive. You're not drinking again are you? Okay good. I don't want you going out like my dad. So yeah, he used to pay you in money. I remember you had this money, this stack of,

I had thousands of dollars because you can't eat a hundred dollars worth of food. I mean, I know here. Here's the fat jokes But the chat room just went nuts. Yes, you can fatty But yeah, I had thousands of dollars with a dick box We just print it at a printer and give it to you. Hey, go kid has his fifty dollars in dick bucks And you just had to tell you couldn't be like can I get real money? No, you'd have to take it We're all you know, yeah, what are you gonna do? You're doing for nothing. Yeah.

You know what I mean? But, yeah, I would have just drank all the, I would have made it. I would have fucking made them pay with dick bucks. I would have cleaned that bar out. Lewis looks bigger than Bobby. Oh. I'm trying to.

It's not true. Who said that? K. Vosie. K. Vosie. Yeah. First of all, K. Vosie, I got a picture flagged on Facebook, because K-Vosy sent a picture of him completely naked with the sock. With the sock on his dick, with hammer-fishing written down the sock, and he was in 12-degree

weather. And I posted it to Facebook and somebody reported the picture to Facebook. Who's following you that that's the one they chose to report? I don't understand. Yeah, all of your magnificent status of him. The number of jujokes and envombs you've dropped. I don't understand why you, all of your magnificent status of the number of jujokes and end bombs you've dropped. I don't understand why you'd ever tell anybody that you have a guy that took a picture

with his dick and a sock about your fucking, what the fuck is that? Did you see that piece in that sock? Dude, you see his cock. What did you got? Hey, man, thanks for doing that. Hey bro, thank you. It was awesome.

Next time, I'll try to get a little heavier. Hey, boss, he's on real-ass dude. So please don't fucking disrespect my number one fan. When he just told me that. He just said that you're, I don get a little heavy Hey, boss. He's on real as dude. So please don't fucking to respect my number one fan He just said that you know, I don't look fatter than Bobby like bad. He said huge said fatter Bobby I will have a fucking Fat off all the fat off with you right now mash your fat It was a cave Aussie. I'm just you got mad though when I said it was Yeah, first of all, it was a K-vosy. I'm just kidding.

You got mad though when I said it was K-vosy. Oh, yeah, I'm sure another one fan. You don't do that. You got hurt. You just say one fan. You don't have to put number one. You know, I'm waiting for the numbers here when to come out.

You don't have to happen any day. You don't have. Maggie, we have a hot check phone. Hundreds of thousands of fans like Joe Listermorten. So you're on this fucking island. Get off the, I get the island. I mean, listen, he used to be a bitch about it, but it's actually a genius thing that they did. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to.

I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to.

I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to.

I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. Yeah, all this bullshit you have to go through when you get a you what they did was say hey fuck it We'll buy this section you guys can just get off you can drink you can have fun We're gonna charge you exactly what you would have been charged. I don't like that. I don't like being I feel like I'm being forced Yeah, because you don't like prison cuz you put a wreaking your dad got stabbed Do they rent some locals to work behind the bars? It just they're Oh, no, there's the eight little shacks that sell souvenirs. There's locals that work there But everyone else like Filipino for some reason pop a roach selling their own shirts

So so anyways, I get it But that I think it's I'd rather do that than go through customs and panic about getting back from the other side of the island and the ship leaves And it's by the probably the most beautiful beach. I've ever been on my entire life I'm in the beaches just like on I'm probably the most beautiful beach I've ever been on my entire life. I'm in the beach just like on big, big, big beaches. I would love to see that beach. It's just a bunch of fucking idiot to a black hoodies on. Not going in the water. Pasty shins.

Oh, you can form us, probably going in the water. Lewis is throwing rocks at fucking parrot fish. Look what I killed! It's just at one with a sea just diving in mouth first. Come out of fish. I feel so Puerto Rico. Change into their swimming mittens. Two. Two. Two. I got two good ones. That work is good.

Holy shit, I'm going to fucking quit Ryan gas. Good luck getting on. So I'm waiting to be approved. So anyway, I'm going to go to the next one. I'm going to go approved. So anyways, you what, you're going to stand up? I just want to see your face. I'm not going to stab you. I'm not going to stab you. I'm not going to stab you. I'll stab you. Okay. I'm not going to go. No, you should go now. No, you know what? Well, if I wanted a ton of 100,000 fans I would you know get a hundred thousand views you get a terabyte

So go ahead you get back on the boat what happens? Yeah, did you have fun time at the beach at least yeah, we had a great time with the beach Well you out did did Jay wear a wallet a chain wallet? I think Jay was wearing a hoodie at the beach at one point no one point James definitely wearing a long sleeve thermal hoodie No bullshit on the beach. Yeah, How hot was it? It was 90 degrees. I don't understand. There's got to be a point in your fatness which I accept. When I go away with my wife, my shirt come, I'm fat. Go fuck yourself. That's the best part of the case. I'm taking my shirt off. I'm a fat motherfucker suck my dick. dick. I don't care, but I'm not gonna,

there's gotta be a point with Jay where you're liquefy, you gotta lose the fucking hoodie and the Metallica shirt. I wore the Realized Dude shirt, the whole time on the boat, I'm gonna show you a picture right now. The whole time on the boat, this is me with my shirt open in the Realized Dude shirt that she bought me. I can't believe that didn't get flagged.

That's it. Thanks, thank you. So we can't put dits on this. All right, good. Is that not, when I saw that shirt, I got 150 compliments on that shirt on the boat. Seven, let me tell you something about that shirt. Yeah, but there were serious compliments.

They were like, hey, man, where did you get that shirt? Oh, such an awesome shirt. Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, you know, they weren't like, Oh, look at that shirt, oh. The man that shirt's so cool, man. Is that an eagle? Did they have one with Papa Roach written on it? Yeah, is that the lyrics of last resort?

I hate I hate fucking Lewis's Fucking stupid Puerto Rican phone is fucking is burner He's got a burner for a It's a little too small than any phone ever. It's still heavier. It feels like a fucking brick of gold. Yeah. Fucking old technology. So, 99 a month. Yeah.

So, 99 a month and it can text message. Where you at? It's made with real steel. Where you at? To your mobile. Anyways, so you go back on the bus. So, you're on the beach with a fucking hoodie fatso. Yeah, which is funny because Big Jable wear a t-shirt in life.

It's only because he has an aversion to showing his arms. He was being fucking weird. Really? Did he bring his girl? No. Was he carrying a white umbrella as he's sitting in the size? I can't let the sun hit my deal. It's good.

I have this ivory skin. Anyway, so you go back on the boat. And you having a good time have it a blast I mean unbelievable I mean you see in shows. Yeah, yeah, I go into tons of dude Brewers thing by the way was like unbelievably funny He does his full like metal like comedy thing. That's great Five finger death punch show was unbelievable. Bro is a fucking let me tell you something Jim Brewer He hates you. He told us that He hates you. He told us that. I don't care about that.

But, so the point that was weird, like Bobby's our friend, Jim, we barely know you. I know man, it's just, I know man, it's just that I just don't like him. I don't fucking like him. No, he is one of the sweetest guys. He's a little already. He is a sweetest guy ever, but he is fucking, he should have been in a band. Well, you can tell that's the is fucking he should have been in a band

Well that you can tell that's a dream in a fucking band. I've seen him do AC DC Yeah, that's so funny. The bingo thing where the AC DC Aussie Everyone it's so fucking both you shut the fuck up, all right? Yeah, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fucking like it Tommy guns of ass on this Did you see it they just boom that that thatta is like doing the old fucking hammer fisting That's what I thought we're back at episode six But Lewis and I love him and I love his show, but you guys I never seen it live it was amazing It was really fun man. It was really really you guys get to do whatever you wanted did you get free? We treat it like a star.

We treated like stars. Like unbelievable, dude. They're so great to us. Because the show is really good. Like we said, it's only two shows. And we had to show the first night to Biden day two. Let's let that cut in each other off now. Everyone knew.

Everyone knew who we were by day two though, which was awesome. Right. They knew who you were physically, not by name or credits. They got hate that right. Hey, fag shirt, come here. Hey, AIDS chest. They knew who you were physically not by name or credits Hey, fag shirt come here Hey aides chest I was walking around with a bottle of Jack Daniels Seven of them are making out with checks. It was just great There's a lot of fun making out with chicks. They look like Kelly with her tits mashed up. Oh, I wish they look

They look like Kelly's tits normally. There's some pale bitch with a bunch of dragon tattoos. She's like, you can choke me if you want. Let me take off my dog collar. I'll train. Is it cool of my 50-year-old boyfriend watches us? I guess. That means Zarian Scazid you guys say. Oh, so good.

Good call Kelly He really is A bunch of blown tires Yeah, and it was like hanging out in the bikini It's the old Zarian too Did you just cut him open from side to side? A real fucking Viking pregnancy That's cut this Nordic God out of you

But some of them are creative with it You're like, oh you made it part of your swastika time so that's nice that you did something like you turned it into a dark night that's the Joker's face I got it Matt you okay? No I was looking at K-Vos he's like he's like he's probably just trying to start a beef yeah I need to clear his relax and I've been querying a funny way not in a bad way

like Lewis. Thank you. Let's hit that was Lewis. Was it what was coming back to me to Miami docking like was like what about docking in that late night where you and Jay and your home. All right I'll take the band down. I'll take it. I was very enthusiastic. I always like a nice homosexual doctor reference. I went like this, too. I went like this. I am always on board with a penis-mushing reference. Did I give a little fucking 1920s, hey, are they a kid? Yeah, what about the real doctor in the head of a new room?

This is why you never have stand stand up New York lab numbers Bobby Look, I don't want I don't want to debate this on a show you guys have great numbers I love your part. No, just say that they have better numbers than why can you do absolutely? 690 and thousand people if I had 699 thousand people following the show I would not I wouldn't have to leave I wouldn't I would stay here and do the show being'm 9,000 people. If I had 699,000 people following the show, I would not. I wouldn't have to leave. I would stay here and do the show. I'm being paid $10,000. I would pay everybody on the show, $1,000 a show.

That would be so awesome. I give you that shit. Oh my God. I mean, it's almost as awesome as me hosting for Norman and List at the Beacon Theater next week. Seven sold out shows. All in a row. Oh my God.

Yeah, yeah. It's bigger than the stones. Can't believe we got the Red Hunt Chili peppers open up for him. We're in there in a period. No, they changed it after the Super Bowl. It's actually Bruno Mars. So, so you go on the boat and you're doing these shows. You're having a blast.

Everybody loves you. It must be great just to walk around for the accolades and all the fucking horses you're doing. You know when there's a comedy club when the is in the hotel, and you walk around the hotel and people like know you because you're fucking like, it's like that.

Are you asking me if I know what that is? Do you know what, Bobby, if you want to I want a comedy show? I want to smash you in that. No, but especially, but you do like, at, you know, you get to a level, like you've been doing this for a long time, you have like your fans and stuff like that.

When you're starting out, like you really, that is kind of all you have. It's like the little areas where you're like. That's what I'm saying. I would follow what I'm saying. I know it must be great for you guys. You're on this fucking, you know, on this boat, nobody can go anywhere.

You guys have pretty much celebrities now, which is awesome. And now you're gonna do this fucking, you know, on this boat, nobody can go anywhere. You guys have pretty much celebrities now, which is awesome. And now you're gonna do this show, the last show, and what the fuck happened? Well, it was a bad, it was our fault to begin with. It was just a little idea. It was our fault to begin with. It was just a bad idea.

We were supposed to do a podcast, now you. We were supposed to do a podcast. You know, switch, dude. We'll finish the each other's story. You guys say switch. I got it. So we're supposed to do a podcast earlier in the day. Switch. But that fell apart because what was it they were doing press or something like that? Switch. Well, once it was a little plus it was an area of the boat where only the press was allowed and we wanted fans to

be able to come and watch the pop switch switch. Hey, Dave, don't don't do that Just play along Everybody was having a good time. We'll let you know when it's over. I saw him. I don't know physically overwhelmed I know literally like this Listen, I know this ship flies when you're on a cruise ship with three days grace But not here for this look this isn't fucking this isn't jace fucking Crowd work show you don't get panicked wow we went the whole way for that Wait, I want to listen whoa I want to be in

I want to be in Walked into jackass three really wanting to like it Good do You let the Lewis Vee a dumb face for saying that all right, so go ahead. Oh ahead. Oh, we switched its Dave now how big was the crowd For the comic shows about three I don't like that you only say point and shit You said three things on the show two of them really funny and one was a great question. Did you commission your agent on that? You are better than that. What would you say the general level of education? He's corporate, you're gonna be careful. Now, statistically, how many girls to guys?

There was like a good question. There was like 300 people probably at the comedy show. It was 250, 300 in that area. The ratio, men and women. I would say it's like 50, 50, I don't know. It wasn't super like the sauce run filled. What was that? That's what you got every night.

Yeah. Is that a plus? Finally. yeah, he doesn't recognize applause. That's so happy. The dummy. He hears applause. This Lewis hears this and he gets freaked out. He thinks it's the people plotting to the cops at just a rest of them. It's like an unhappy crowd without the unhappy part. I don't get it. I don't get it if they know yelling shit at me. What? This is a good thing. That's it. That's it. That's it. I'm not supposed to be. So we're supposed to do a podcast in this other area.

We wanted to give fans a watch. So we canceled the one earlier in the day. We had a living color, you know, cult of personality. Yeah. As it go. Living color, cult of cult of cult of. How's that song go? Cult the personality C. M. Punx entrance music yeah

Them scheduled to come on the show and we ended up canceling You let's see him punk coming on the show. No, he just left the WWE By the way, he's in talks with Bellator to fight in Bellator. He's also doing a podcast that's stand up New York. No, he's not. So he got 39 years. Might as well. I really have to go to stand up New York. I mean, there's so much going on over here.

I hope it happens. No one wants to go to stand up New York. You can't turn down the money. There's a thing that happens. Just hear it now. They're the Yankees on podcasting network. You hate them until they saw you. You understand, listen. Listen, Benji and whoever the fuck out. I'm we're kidding

Yeah, I love those guys. I know but yeah He Chris just we just want to come on and explain. Yeah, I'm trying to parlay this into an appearance on that I hit well on this I get called up stand up Never got a shot get on the one train go to 79th Street What bringing you into the studio for what show which one of you mega hits Joe's gonna be like hey, well you guys are fucking shit not a show Kelly's sweater puppies are amazing I mean, it's crazy how awesome her tisler I'm serious curious what they look without the bra though. Do they kind of just run a muck? No, cuz I put on white they got it like lift up a bit. It's when I lose weight

I know I also like her pants right now. It's like holding her stomach I told you the brim's look of great but the body's a mess Yeah, I'm doing like I got you can't have a cake. You need it till she just I'm doing yoga guys. I'm getting like tight, but no losing the white. Yeah, get tight. Can you eat yogurt? I like it. He's sweet, smushed yogurt and yogurt together. And this dumb fucking Puerto Rican made a funny. Not only that, but I like that Lewis is criticizing her when he's got the body of a failed strip club.

No, Lewis. Take your shirt off. Take your shirt off. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not ready. I'm not ready, but I'm ready. I mean, you're not good. I'm fucking losing weight, bro. Blues and weight. Luisa Gomez is losing weight. I'm not taking part in that, because I don't think, you're still gonna be good.

Kelly, you show one tit right now, give me $1,000. No. I'm gonna change this. Wow, fuck it. Yeah. Every day, by the way, you and Lewis, it blows my mind, because I've just always been the same size my entire life You guys have literally had such drastically different like there's like bodybuilder pictures of you guys fat guy pictures of you

That's crazy to like didn't imagine that I don't know it's just weird to me like somebody should write a show base off of that Look man, you're fucking right in your show with Dan Look man, you're fucking right in your show with Dan you know Try to say I just I read with it you guys what you wrote is really fucking funny by the way I didn't read it why don't I get to read it? You're very critically say you called writing meeting is Bro, you know we went when I would be didn't call tuna meeting okay, you want me you didn't let me read what you Did you ask no Lewis wouldn't let me read what you ask to read did you ask? No Lewis wouldn't stop well I was on vacation

I'm gonna stop making me read it Please please read it Bobby have a this let's let's get booked on a ship with musical acts nine years too late I know the guy You got the act we'll be on an ag with Steve Perry singing Steve Winwood we're going to Steve Cruz. Oh Yeah, I

My guys I gotta get back in there. I think he's gonna go into freedom over spill 99 That's awesome don't you mock that I'm not mocking you fucking you point that finger at me again I'm gonna stick it in that thin bottle top I Agents that sent New York labs So the crack legal team I'm trying you know, I knew this fucking day I knew it was gonna be a hard show because I knew Lewis hasn't been on them and this fuck I knew this fucking day. I knew it was gonna be a hard show, because I knew Lewis hasn't been on him. And this fuck, I knew, and Dan's on fire.

I knew when you came in, you were yapping. I was yapping, you were yapping. I was fucking ranked, then. You were, I thought, well, Kelly broke the soundboard. That's the only reason I thought you would be that man. To be fair, Bob, he's like left all alone to round to bet what's wrong with young comics today. Patrice's dead, fucking pollo's senile or something

It's all on the Bobby now It's all on Bobby to hold down that tough-brown moniker a person LA and Colin Collins doing one man shows There's no one left Boss is playing a restaurant with Bobby Yeah, we got a movie women of funny Collins looking for the fucking art of the covenant It's like you know, and then a little traveling in the Middle East

Some stuff Hey, Bob, I'm on top of the Ziggurat right now and I rack I can't talk right now I know my converse feel pretty good on these fucking Egyptian tables Well, we as well as everyone does shitty Collins in the room. Is that Jay Moore? Jay Moore does the greatest calling, Quintenbrusch. So anyways, so you go on you doing the show.

What happens? So we're the last time we're doing a podcast and we decided we're doing a podcast. Yeah, the last time we're doing a podcast. Okay. And it's a live podcast, front of an audience. Now here's what we, it was an impromptu thing last minute. They put us 12 30 right after seven dust is playing Yeah, what's the song from them?

denial Romano Me do san To Benio It's a black guy. Are they retarded? Yeah, why does he go? I don't like what you do. I don't like what you mean. You're a meaning. Stop being a meaning.

I don't like when food, you know, I don't like when people take my juice. I just like you give drugs because it's a weird don't like when people take my juice Cuz it's a weird don't mean you can take it off my head Don't touch me I do my tongue really long, but it's not my fault I don't see what these guys actually did this is not a. They bring up a sign language translate to metal sign language for them which is fucking hilarious. That's pretty awesome dude. That's the new thing at music festival. Kendrick Lamar did that too. I saw that at Lollapalooz. They're just there and I watched Queen of the Stone Age. I watched my favorite band. I watched the sign

language interpreter. Most of the set because she was just like because I know the lyrics and I was like, oh That's Oh, yeah, how do you say that? I'm like what's that I want to know? I'll take this point to Kendrick Lamar holds up a rope or what she does is she shields her hand from black people and then signs it She's got a hard hand. She's got a hard hand. She's got a hard hand. I don't know if you can look behind you.

Wait, hold on, he's looking. Can I put her hands behind her back? She doesn't have a hand cuff right? Do you know? So you're doing a live podcast. Yeah, which is, first of all, to do a live podcast. And which is, first of all, it's to do a live podcast, you have to, it's always better when it's fans of the podcast.

So because comedy, there's timing, there's, you know, your jokes, you can always rely on what you know. When you're doing a podcast live, if it's not your fans, it's hard to keep people interested in you just talking. Exactly. And it's, and when we're doing this, like if you can picture

with a rowdy crowd with standup, where it's a standup, where you gotta go at them a little bit, which is much more difficult to do in a podcast. Yeah, there's really like, keep people involved. Well, here's one thing we didn't know at the time though. They moved us to the 1230 time slot. What we didn't realize at the time was DJ Lippy, of course.

You know, a song from him? V DJ Lippy? Let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's...let's I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, I remember, remember, I remember, I remember, remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, I remember, remember, I remember, I remember, remember, I remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, I remember, remember, remember, remember, remember, I remember, remember, remember, I remember, remember, remember, remember, I remember I So All right, God So DJ lippy was supposed to be doing a set of 12.30 and that DJ lippy in the same spot where that DJ lippy is the drummer for three days grace Okay, let's go in his grace was on the boat. Okay. We what's a song from them? Hey Everything about you Yeah, why I love you

is that what the crowd saying about this song or is that what they're the song there was a lot of what the night yikes that was that that I knew that was bad the second it was done like I didn't even have to wait there you go as you say to me was going this should have caracene attached to it. He's you throw a zip-o at my face

It's rightful Double down bomb Guys first of all I don't think you guys like me I don't think caracene carry me. I don't think Karrasine. I think Karrasine should have gone to laugh. Yes. No, don't you pull a Joe listing off. Come on, that shouldn't have. That was fucking hilarious.

No one's laughing at that. You guys should have been shitting yourselves. I said a word. Weird. So we're doing this podcast. It's 1.30. All right, and here's what we start to realize very quickly. We didn't realize DJ Lippie was better than my terrible idea.

We didn't realize that 3D scratch was even in the room, okay? What we thought we thought was pack we thought it was actually great It was like 400 people at that point. It was a business night of all it's the last night of the cruise like oh shit Dude they spread the word everyone came out for our podcast Dude There's there's six people there It's like it doesn't make sense. I killed pretty hard on that That's how it makes me so happy that you guys you're fucking you had fucking show business

I just imagine a second Jay given that look of like you guys we did it Well you guys did all the hard work I just showed up but we did it I did that is the business. I'm gonna take full credit It was it was really I'm gonna have my girl book me a show because of this on base. Guys, we finally got stand up New York lab numbers. So hang on one second. One second. We started doing the podcast. I they should listen with this promotion. They should have 600

7000 followers. I can't wait till the next episode we do where it's like it's up to 4.9 million You know what I don't know what you know. Joe list is being carried from the stage to his home. You should get a bit late. Cannot get a hold of him. You're gonna get a phone call from Benji. It's like, hey, can you stop talking about our network and your podcast or our numbers

are actually dipping now? Yeah. Guys, if you haven't listened to it right back to you. I have two people laugh, it's not a bomb. Yeah, well he came off. He doesn't count Why don't you wrap that around your fucking leg like you're dying to Fuck you he left I like it All right, I was What's that story? Yeah

That's a game My leg What are I Raps are I what's quarter eyes? What it's a quarter is the word you fucking ass What are I Cutter eyes quarter. Yeah, no, no, no, no no coach. You are leave the show To the bathroom Listen a one minute off the show go now Dan's got his fucking coupons if he wants to use him he'll use them

And wait wait how seeing how he's my Right now see how he's my writing partner. This is fucking bugs me. The message is just got fired. So the season award on the podcast is over. Here's the fucking deal. You got to point. I'm so fucking, side note, just a side note everybody. Look at me, side note. We'll be right back with the fucking boats

during a second. Fucking Dan Sada. You took those stupid coupons. Those are worth it its weight and fucking gold Yeah Remind the couch So you need to take you want to get those coupons Robert Kelly. Yeah Get your hands in those real ass coupons. Yeah Summer slam Still cage get on the end train. Yeah, blot those stories Then right under the train yeah right where the triangle this order coupons are big it

I forget it back to the story and Kelly's tits on the camera Kelly to show one no if someone gives you 500 dollars You want to show your tit on camera 500 dollars? Camera no I bet you do a bad nipples No, I got great nipples Lewis would fucking rape you for

Guys, let's not put that in his offer Hang on don't say that we're gonna want to fuck up the relationship No, I got great nipples Lewis would fucking rape you Hang on don't say that we're gonna want to fuck up the relationship Do you I'm sorry dude, yeah, because they got mad at remember last time All right All right, well, I'll take that one I stepped over the line Where's the line it's behind you? I got that first story so you guys are doing this podcast do the podcast who who's that? We supposed to do a podcast with us the last minute Hey, man

Why don't we do a podcast? We also do one early in the day and then it got moved to like a live venue right? So early in the day would have been great because you would have saw that around 20 people show up and that's your fan base. Right. But it would have been way better because they would have fucking loved it. They would have had a blast. So it was very intimate. We were supposed to get this lounge and then it got turned into this show. And when we were like, we were kind of pumped. We're like, there's four to people here. We'll do a funny thing. We'll maybe get some, the one guy from five

finger death punch was supposed to show up show up, and then we started recording. And it became really clear that these people weren't there for us. Not even for us. There were six people there for us. That's what they'd be when there's DJ Lippy. Dude DJ Lippy, they moved all of DJ Lippy shit back. Everyone was there for DJ Lippy.

All they wanted to do at one o'clock and then we're in the last night of this cruise was dance the night away. They wanted to ship off into the fucking, you make it sound like they're like people from the 30s We're like, I just want to spend the last night dancing They did one these people have seen wall. Why do they dance though? They're metal. They dance to hip hop Oh, no, but they save the Molly for the last night. It's like it's not hip hop. It's like it's like one dark

I got you stop one second. I'm sorry that been then I'm fucking a rocket at his chin Fuck it. I don't even, I miss that. He said it's good. Yeah, they bring the Molly. He tried to fucking do a nice topical joke about Molly and these drugs. I don't know if you guys know this, but Molly is a big thing with the kids.

You guys see, and apparently they saved all their Molly for the last night of the day. All right, all right, thanks, guys. Make sure to night Kate Hudson's here. Herodin would be- I never knew you'd do that, boys. Herodin would be more topical at this time, though. Yeah, they're snorting ice, baby.

They're in their cabins, taking nostrils full of shitty meth. Be like, yeah, I know. All right, listen, Tanya. I know DJ Lippie's coming on 15 minutes. And they go in and they're like, what's up with butts and tits? I met 30 women named Tracy on that boat. That's true.

That's great. If you just, if you want, hey, Tracy, 15 women between right and right, 15 manly wats. What do you want? I'm smoking. Look at fucking smelly pantarashirts. We turn around. So, so we're start podcasting.

Yeah, good. We're podcasting for I don't know. How do you guys open up the podcast? Hey, we're not. What's up everybody? We're here. You know, I don't know. You guys be quiet, please. No, it's not that we're like, what's up, ship rocked and everyone will be like, nah,

but then they just all, they're all talking. No, nobody gave a shit. It was all those things. Are you sitting down? Yeah, we're all sitting down all talking Nobody gave a shit. There was a listening. Are you sitting down? Yeah, we're all sitting down. You have a table on stage. Do you have any type of logo or anything to let them know? No, nothing like that.

Okay. We got Richa Ranavich next to us. He's the walking logo. Okay. That's all we got. Okay. And so we start doing the podcast and then this guy, it no one's really listening.

We're just kind of joking around about how no one's listening. So it's a typical podcast. It's a typical Lichonis Gangs podcast. No one's listening. Yeah We're just kind of joking around about how no one's listening. This guy is a typical podcast It's a typical Legion of Skanks podcast no one's listening. Yeah, we're talking big J's talking a lot I mean, they've ever said in there no one's listening right you guys go. Yep. Mm-hmm. Go ahead So this guy with a pirate hat Walks by a pirate baseball team at or real Taking over this boat pirates now Paul team at or real part of the I'm taking over this boat

Pirates now Somalian pirate no no no no school typical cartoonish white so not y'all yellow eyes We need this food to survive like I actually I made the show gonna Joe list podcast, but he was the so a lot more people 30s grits these are as that you made that joke in front of five times the audience of this podcast. That one didn't tell me. You're trying to tell me you get a shot at getting on your Carson moment. Yeah. And you go with that pirate joke.

Jesus. So this guy's walking by and he's seven million billion people heard that joke. My mom called me about that joke. Dude, your mom called me about that joke dude Your mom called you about that joke The joke from the after Listening to Murray Tuesday. What's it called? Murray Tuesday sounds like a guy your grandpa

Murray Tuesday used to run the numbers. Hell, Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss.

Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss.

Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. Murray Toss. in pirates at the good traditional white pirate. And yeah, you know, you're your grandpa's pirate. I don't like the nut. I don't like the nut. I'm not this new fucking.

I'm the captain now. Yeah, not a fucking nut. Not a water raft with a decent engine. Yeah, not these fucking guys today who come up with like a magic Johnson's Lakers shirt and they look like half alkyna half-nauz video. Listen captain Phillips, why don't you take your buffalo bills world champion shirt. with like a magic johnson's lakers shirt and they look like half al-Ka'at a half-nauz video. Not bad guys. Listen captain Phillips, why don't you take your, why don't you take your Buffalo Bills world champion shirt

and then put it on your raft. So it doesn't look like a fucking Omaha Kadafi. Yeah. Okay, go ahead. Will Silvens took over the boat. Why you, why you, why you, why you, this is a pop-a-roach? You have a, you have a bend to go,

but you can't find the hole. I, I mean my room. I mean my room. I mean my room Go ahead so I'm waiting way too much time with this fucking pirate you want to give us the fingers like you guys Boo like thumbs down boo you guys again the crowds not even paying attention to him doing this to us to us nothing So I just address it into the microphone as we're like talking. I was oh this this pirate hates us huh and he walks up to the stage i walked up to me losing jay and i was like you guys fucking suck no one cares get off the stage there's a lot of music comedy which by the way can't swim for too long

guys guys you gotta get not talk listen you really get a knock i didn't hear what you said what did you say uh he said that uh nobody's here for comedy they're here for music they really he said that yeah wow you should have got that fucking crazy to hear. Yeah, when you're doing this when you're doing anything comedy wise and Somebody says psychologically that that has to affect your brain, right? It's not even an insult. It's just true Yeah, that's why it's brother when they go hey No, you know, he's here for fucking comedy the hair for music get the fuck off the stage It didn't really affect me go that much in my mind by the way That's just an audience member. That's just some dude audience. What a great audience

So I'm just gonna like alright this guy. It's not going well part of me is like alright This is actually more interesting than it was going because it was going bad It was 10 minutes of us It sounded like we were in a loud bar with nobody paying attention us trying to get shit jokes off But nobody's even really being funny or there's no cohesion. So, this is almost an interesting thing. So, he walks away and then immediately, you know, it's me. So, I'm just like, I was like, yeah, whatever.

You're just a faggot into pirate's head. And then I think David. Again. Again. Then David, I think you said something along the same lines. Yeah. Much more eloquently. What did you say? It was more about Reaganomics, but it was like the same

You're like it was more like it evolved like you're like a product of trickle-down theory We know it doesn't work. Do you realize that if we de-industrialized society We would be no But it got it ended in fact and Put it in after a while I was like 15 minutes of my rounds on libertarianism. I want to get off a ramp here. But so he comes storming back. And we're all just like,

and again, I think like the feeling like Lewis, well, yes, all right, at least something interesting is happening now. But he comes storming back and he's, he's got a glass of water. He's like, what motherfucker, who you calling a faggot? But he's looking right at me, by the way.

He's like, I thought at least I put the Faggot of the group right to me. He picked a little dough with a limp Please no sir. No, I'm just looking at the other because I was like that week Isel goes you just leave and you just leave and huh? These two fucking rhinos trying to keep you in the middle of the pack so she I mean he mean, he comes back and goes, what? You call me a fagging motherfucker? What? And he has a glass of wine or something? Pretty big guy. Six three, maybe.

Six three blonde hair receding? No, no, he's like, kind of devily looking like eating. He's like, ball, ball, bow, the huge beard. And really? He's a big dude. Kind of biker looking almost like. Yeah, like a big dude. Like, open from sons of antero. Confident enough to wear a pirate hat.

Yeah, yeah. And, uh, so he comes over, he has a glass of wine, and it's here. Yeah, and I'm just gonna, like, am I the first guy to call you a faggot in a pirate hat? No way. It's possible. It's so funny though, he's a really big tough guy with a glass of wine. It's alright. Yeah.

If I wasn't alone. If I wasn't letting this glass of camera in a cell by the way, it's melt by mouth right now. Yeah, the move in itself is, he throws a glass of wine at us, which is like, you're boyfriend who cheated on you. You didn't get to that part yet. You just gave it away.

You built that. Well, that's the move. That's what's happening right now, right at that part. So he goes to throw the glass of wine at Dave, but it's a glass of wine. So the way the glass is shaped, it kind of like cradled the wine, and it just shot directly in a big J's face

Just toss the liquid he threw the whole glamor he tossed a liquid, but it did like a little like a lippy like a DJ lippy That's his guitarist move you couldn't know if it J more clean in the face with a super so car It was a perfect Just ate it in the face with a super so card. It was a perfect, it looked like it was just a did it. Dude, I don't like it. Just dumped the brush and wind his own face. It just freaking, so, but this is, this is great though. This is where the mittens come into hand, you know. It's where I got them wearing mittens.

Let's put the giggish, I'm gonna say, I still smoke a cigarette. Yeah, how do I, the whole time we've been playing with his iPhone, turns out he's been preparing for a conflict from the real housewives of Shipper Act. Yeah, you left. You left.

So he throw, what is J-do, just take it? Well, there's a video of that moment right there. Do you want to see, not the wine, the right after the wine. This is, I'll show you. Yeah. It's like a 15 second video. Did you whip out your phone? It, can you hear it or is it just,

can you hear it clear? Well, we know it's not good because it's not a world star. So we all know that. Well, there's nobody yelled at. It didn't capture any of the good part. You got it. So again, you kill him the show. You kill him the show.

We can't just stare at you on your shitty phone. I'm gonna keep on telling the story. All right, God. So he throws the wine in his face. What does J.D. do? Just sit there and say, no, Lewis, take care of this. No, we all jump up. You all jump up. We all jump up face. What does J. Do just sit there and say no Lewis take care of this No, we all jump up you all jump up. We all jump up immediately and we band together We start talking shit to this guy. Legion you night Just touch rings in the middle

Lewis grab my bare fingers take your dick out and talk in the middle of the circle Grab my bare fingers take your dick out and talk in the middle of the circle Legends of skanks That's why his fingers are available so we could touch skin and yeah, touch skin will become one giant Skank, he's got a moushes belly button, so his dick pops out so they can be one This is the moment right after the right. I got the mental imagery. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see That's right after the other one. I think Kelly just hit a button and stop Kelly is a fucking look at his sheet Don't play it on the photo. I'm surprised that phone has flash player Okay, it's a rotary video so you guys all stand up and then what I just a lot of shit talking I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. this guy now or what like if someone gonna make a move but it's just it's the three of us talking shit to this guy's face Bobby's gonna the video of it now There's a lot of Lewis Bakken Yeah, there's it is this I knew this was it. It's not first of all you I love that all three of us got up Three you got up and you two stay behind the table as Lewis fucking fucking found is Lewis with that like a fucking

bone will find where is he running to the guy people are trying to hold them back these two associate they stood up and then they slowly sat back down now look I would love to shit on Dave and Jay but we were gonna fucking roll this here's the other thing at this moment this exact moment we think it's an audience member a what an audience member audience. Wow We think it's an audience member. So we're not trying to fucking attack a dude for throwing a glass of wine on us We want him to throw a punch so then we could roll this motherfucker, right? Roll him up. So you you want to be the you want him to throw the first

I want him to throw a fucking I explain something to you? I know this whole, you throw the first punch, then you are not in trouble. That's not how it works. No, no, I can't get in trouble for assaulting him. No, but you still get, here's the thing, no trouble. Here's the thing that works though, right? If you hit him and he hits his head and dies

on like a fucking piece of marble, or he has a heart condition or anything, and then you go to jail. That's why I've straightened mine. That's why I've straightened mine. That's why I was drinking wine. Wine's good for my heart. You'd have to he'd have to hit you and then you hit him just the exact same way for it not to matter to like kind of it even out, but you're still going to be in trouble. Somehow the ship stays afloat made out of marble.

And then I would stop and go, well, that was a five finger death punch. I'm a t-shirt. Then on level three, They're selling them. So what really funny is when he beat the piss out of all three of us in the road, so fucking white guy on the bus. When he beat that back it up, all that

makes me so he leaking. So they say there's a bleed nose, basically some of the cobwebs and I have a lance. Some of the cobwebs and I have a lance. He leaking. How funny would it be if this guy beat the fuck? He's a Dave trying's like, he's leaking. How funny would it be if this guy beat the fuck?

He's so Dave trying to hide behind Jay's body. You know how much I would have loved for my morning world star troll. So all of a sudden been like, white boys get their ass kicked on boat and like, what's this? Did I watch that here loose? Like, oh, yeah. I'm like, no. God, then just, you think you're gonna fuck up all three of us? He's fucking up all three of us. He's fucking about three of us. It's happening

Oh my god, this is so great. You see big jagged and choked out with his own wallet chain Put a platform move through Dave's chest You gotta fucking a jeans Kiss food right to fucking Lewis's is just knocked out on his side with his belly breathing weird. Oh, we're kind of pissed. Like fuck. We're not gonna finish a podcast. There's no security. There's no security. Nobody's watching the podcast. Everyone just pull up their cell phones for this shit. So you guys actually decided to have a self-esteem And go, hey, maybe we're not gonna do this. Did you have to break down the set yourself?

They had people it was actually cool. They like they did everything for us. Nice. That was like the coolest of all. It's like when you can literally go, they're like, what do you need? How do you need it set up? You can just tell them that it's there. It's pretty awesome. Bobby has with Chris Scopo every day.

Yeah. I like, Scopo's a roadie. I'm just going to pretend that you guys asked you like, oh, can you also get a guitarist? I'm gonna say for Scopo this scopeos lesbian face right now? Last time I'm on this podcast Called scope or rowdy good job So he leaves This is what sucks about you guys and literally if I don't fucking keep asking questions, you guys just stare at me when you're talking.

That's what sucks about me. I got chastised for asking questions. Yes, in me. No, listen, you, fucksucker. I said it was a great question. I said you said, too funny things in a great question. And you had too stinkers. I'm keeping track.

Ha, ha, ha. Ah, go ahead. So he leaves and security comes up afterwards. And we're just kind of like, we're dumbfounded. So this, at this point, we find out that it's a guitar or some three days grace. We're like, all right. This motherfucker. What song did they say? That's the fuck we say I hear everything about it. Okay, the guitarist from the band that you love We know we don't love them, but we do love that song. Okay, you love the song great song great song

This guy's fucking telling you you fuck you suck. Yeah, it's funny So he goes and fucking leaves and we're at that point. We're just kind of like what the fuck? Like really this guy can just come and do that and then there's no repercussions right? So then we the our ego circuit not even anything like the security just that Lewis is such a bitch He can just do this and there's no repercussions like Lewis. I'll do nothing. I give it to me god damn it I have to get one out. I don't even know what was happening Yeah, but I didn't acknowledge it. So come on So we're feeling like bitches so we start searching for the dude. Like the three of us like fuck this.

Like searching the vote for the guy now roaming the desk. Look back in 2000 when they were relevant. Chays like this. Lewis, you take the Lito deck. I'm, I got starboard. I'm gonna go the mezzanine. I'll be looking through the life rafts. I'm gonna be at the buffet, just in case anybody comes up there.

But you know what the thing to me at least is?'m not like like like a trying to tough guy or anything What's the thing to you? Seriously just to you just for me I'm like I want to fight this guy. This is it's the it's laid on the boat, right? So there's only like three or four things open at this time of night on the boat I'm like we're going to end up bumping into this guy at some point and it's just gonna go down. So let's at least make it go down. Now I can't like just exist the whole night knowing this could go down at any minute. Let's just go find this thing. That's kind of an interesting attitude. Because I've been in situations where you

know, you're gonna leave the parking lot or go outside the, go into the casino. You're gonna bump into this person and it's this impending doom That the anxiety of it in the fear is so fuck you you might really hurt this person later, right? Because it's building up building up. You're just gonna stab them because it's just a Let's get it over with let's at least see what it's gonna be like when we bump into him Is it gonna be like you know like fuck you when he swings is it gonna be like all right? Let's just say yeah guys are gonna be like hey guys I just really like DJ fucking This has been pretty tough for me and my bands is 2003

I appreciate you guys doing your pocket. Yeah, I'm on a boat guys guys my career's not really going the way I thought I was going to 2004 wait did you say what band this guy's So they the securities like trying to calm us down, they bring us in another room, a couple of promoters from the thing come up to us as this would happen. I'm like, yes, dude, fucking came up to us, started shitting us during our show

through a drink in our fucking face. And for some reason, securities kind of treating us like were the fucking bad guys. But we're just kind of like, all right, we didn't fucking roll this guy. Like any other dude would have just fucked this guy up and it would be his fucking problem.

You know what I'm saying? We didn't do it. We're actually acting like a, you know adults. We may be pretty upset, but we didn't actually, we could've, there was a chick between us. We could've fucking swung on this guy, you know? But you didn't, because you knew him.

You guys, I mean, he's a pirate. All right, but let's not make it about dignity or fucking have respect for the boat. You did it because you were afraid, you know? That's not true. No, I did it specifically and I've dignity have respect for the boat. You did it because you were afraid. You know, that's not true. No, I did it specifically and I've dignity and respect for the boat. I didn't, you were scared. You weren't scared of 400 people potentially having his back though.

No, we thought it was an audience member, dude. I thought everyone would have our back. It wasn't that, I was, I was, I thought we were, with the boat was gonna be in suit, we wanna come back next to you. You were scared. I was scared of the consequences. Not you, you were scared, though. I wasn't scared. You were scared. I you were scared. I was scared of the carcasses. Not you. You were scared. I wasn't scared.

You were scared. I wasn't scared. You were scared of going out like your dad went. You were just gonna stab you with some type of butter knife. Bobby, I mean, it's one thing, you know, but to get to the bottom of Lewis's fear, like that, I was really brave of you. There's the thing.

If you don't think that I'm gonna punch you in the side of your head. All right, why don't you three days grace know what off I'm gonna punch you in the side of your head all right One of your three days Grayson stay between me and your table via Lewis Lewis's arm. I hate everything about it I'm trying to prove that we are all too. You know that my arm is connected to Lewis's fucking right on watch this I don't make me so happy if you fucking really dead. Oh you and your writing partner To the team You and your writing partner. Yeah, writing partner. To the team.

To the team. To the team. To the unite. So, uh, so we, the security guards look kind of like common as down. So at one point, the promoter comes up to us and say, hey, look, we just spoke to the three days grace camp. All right.

And he feels, there's a camp. Yeah, there's a camp. He feels really bad. All right. The three things. Really? He feels really bad. Okay, this is really he feels really bad He's cool. He wants to apologize. Okay, so we're just kind of like you know I don't want to apologize, but we don't want it. We just we want to dead it We're not in the mood to fucking like make this our whole night so like fine whatever So we go over to the secluded area the three of us is the three of us the promoter and him

And he's like grilling me and Jay like staring us down with fucking crazy wide eyes. Like show us in the camera. Where's the camera right there? He's going, he's going. Like that's what he's doing? Yeah, so he's hopped up on himself. He's hopped up, dude. Right.

So we're like, we're looking at him like, all right, whatever. So he's like, all right, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, whoa, we didn't come in to shake hands. They told us you were trying to apologize. He was like, I ain't apologize. Did you, motherfucker? Fuck you. Fuck you.

And fuck you. He just jumped us all over again. And we're sitting there like, what are we gonna do? What's greatest? We're literally fuck you. I love that he didn't leave money out. He didn't just not a fake give you an individual. The best part, Big J was like, he was like,

you motherfucker, you came up, he's the one that's, part big J was like he was like mother fuck you came up He's the one is and the guy was like you weren't even there mother fucker. He didn't even notice J He just said I'm not a J J with wine and then he noticed it after all of it. I like the joke We were making is that J's still covered in water Yeah, so you weren't even there who's this faggot with wine all over his face But so we that by the the funniest part to me is that right before this, after the initial thing, after security

separates us, me, Jay and Lewis are sitting there like, man, we're feeling like chumps. We're like, fuck him, ain't just through a glass of wine and we should have rolled that motherfucker. Like, how do we not, if he, fuck, if I see that guy again, we're probably gonna beat this shit out of him. That's a five minutes later. All right, I'll take an apology. I'll take an apology.

Fuck you, Faggot, and we're right back there again. We'll roll this guy, man. Fuck you, Faggot, and we're right back there again. You're the oldest guy now. At this point, there's no excuse that I think it's an audience member. I know it's the guy from three days. So the whole time I'm going, you know, if I knew it was that guy from three days' race, I would have just fucked him up. And now I knew it, and here's the best part of all of it. I meet in the car of all of January.

I need any sugar. No sugar's no grains, dude. Dad, no sugar's no- How you feeling? I feel great. The all of a day, one day I cheated on the boat. Just the one day I had a fucking burger and I was a match potato.

I didn't even cheat that bad. The first thing he said to me, he's like, she's the fuck up fat boy. That's what I'm gonna call. I even even even even call him fat boy. He called you fat boy. Over J. J was overlooked yet again.

It's like what the fuck? How do the fat guys always be trees? big Jay, the fat guys always get overlooked. It's close, they're very loose. I'm on team three days grace at this point. Because that's how hilarious thing to call somebody. Jesus Christ. So what happens then? So he fucking dips off and we're just like, what?

You've let him leave the room. He's gone. He just dips off. He says, fuck fuck you say dipped off again. He dipped off He's called me fat boy as he was leaving. I was like, oh, whatever you ain't gonna do shit fat boy God right that down for a name of podcast That should be a new show on fucking stand up fucking lab So he leaves and at this point we're just livid right?? We're mad at the promote. You're fucking you're going from ghetto to Jew. What are you? What were? We're livid. What

up? He just he just pops off. Yo, he did it. You know what I'm saying? We would have to roll that motherfucker. I'm about to clap on him. I mean, I'm about to clap on him. And then he's he goes to Michulina. He goes to Michulina. Right as he's leaving, he looks at me and he goes, you are a mench. And then he goes machina he goes machina right as he's leaving He looks at me and he goes you are a Munch and then he walks away. I'm like yo for real he just dipped out I do those dubs up my fuck up. I'll bring a hawk out I said Legion of Skanks.

Sean life so he ends up leaving and that security that they're like coming over us because now we're just fucking Over mad, but we're not doing anything about it. We're just yelling at what for no reason. So at one point, security said, though, if you guys don't calm down, we're gonna lock you in your cabin with security outside of your door. So that's when I fucking went off.

I was like, wait, there's an option to lock somebody in their fucking cabin. And I was like, at one point, does this guy get told that he's gonna be locked in his fucking cabin? And they were like, oh, calm down. is this guy get told that he's going to be locked in this fucking cabin? And they were like, oh, come down. So then I think the one that got them. I really do think this got them. I was like, he was going to happen. We're going to see him. He's going to hit me. I want to break his fucking jaw. But then I'm going to sue you guys because you let this motherfucker hit me. I'm going to tell you right now. And as soon as I said sue, you saw them fucking go like, yeah, yeah. And then they ended up locking him in his cabin for the rest of the night

Oh, that's great. So he was in his he was in his cabin. Did you see him the next day? No, no, we were definitely thinking I mean in my nightmares every day since but Sitting in his cabin. He's like man. I hate everything about those guys Why do I love that? But you know what it was? Why why do I love that? But you know what it was a lie? Why? Why do I love that? It was an interesting situation to be confronted with like just being an adult and just like, almost just the jump that all men turn into. Eventually you just, you kind of like develop this thing

as a teenager in your early 20s, like I'm not a pussy, so if anyone did that, I'll fuck, you know, and then like guys and it's like you really just go like, oh I'm just not, I'm not going to realize the danger. The danger, the consequences. Then we also realize the energy that when you go into this, you're rolling around and 30 seconds later,

you're out of breath. There's a fucking shop brand, you're ribcage because you're low on carbs. Yeah, because you don't work out. Yeah. You don't want to do it, but you fantasize about mushing your fist into people's sides of their heads at airports, but you know, that that's not no one else. Okay. I tell you

Pilia I got really mad on the plane home from Vegas. I got fucking he tell us is already I These the flight attendants They're Fucking weird man Hey, it's already lying, ah, que quente. Adiós. Ah, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, Aprovecerte el 3 por 1 en medianas a domicidio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por 1, 3 por 1, no, no, no, no. ¡Dominos!

Pizza. Todo empieza con un paso. En Sanitas, fuimos los primeros en ofrecerte video consulta con tu médico de siempre. Hola. Comprogramas especializados. Otro paso. Cuida tu mente. Y otro, ficio digital. Cada año queremos que disfrutes de la asistencia médica presencial y digital que mereces. Dal paso a sanitas

y disfruta hora de bluayud durante un año gratis. Pulsan el banner para saber más. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. the Jersey Jersey jerks. I got nothing to do. I didn't eat today, so my blood sugar's down,

but I don't have any sugar in me, so there's just blood. There's no sugar in! I was on the blood, no sugar, dude! I was on the plane, I was on the plane, and I got so fucking mad, I upgraded the first class. Per-yush. I did a great, I did this fucking amazing show in Vegas, one of my first corporate corporate events. And you know, you've done corporate, right then.

Absolutely Robert. And I hope to do many more. Great, you know, did they have restrictions on your material? No, they don't have restrictions, but you have to talk to them about synergy uh... listen to one language restriction is no dude in a high pitch are you okay with that sorry that's a fire you have to they want to tell you about their company and they want you to incorporate people and things that have happened and you know you have to have that phone

call you corporate by the The people and things that have happened and you know you have to have that phone call You corporate mother fucker. Oh, listen. How you guys doing it attack? How you guys doing out there? Hope you guys got a lot done at the conference today. I'm alright. This hotel. No, can't get anything done with Mary in the room Everybody watch your walls build from the counting's here, this guy, this guy right here is a problem. This is a man's on your lap, AGR's over there. Like, chips about rival companies, and I want to know his news. Maybe the clowns at Intel could handle that mess. There's the magic, this is an astounding thing.

You can't love a pop. Well, I want to talk to these guys. Bobby's with a headset, doing a TED Talks, just put me in killin' it. And the future of innovation, guys. I want to talk to these guys Bobby's with a headset doing a TED Talks And the future of innovation Guys, I'm not even on stage. I'm walking through the crowd It's just like Tom Cruise and Magnolia. It's epic music Welcome to the future

Bobby's in a silver one piece. No, he comes down from the ceiling. No, no sugars, no grains. No sugars, no grains this year. And metratec. So Galileo. And not Socrates. Robert Kelly.

There's... I was like David Bush, you're playing the best. Just fucking one spotlight on you and the dark looking down. Yeah, you say you got someone's gonna be careful, because right now is where our stinkers come and go. Yep, someone's gonna go to the top. I had four floating in my head. I'm stepping in to cut it off.

I'm going back in the story now, because I know what the fuck I'm doing, but why do you guys, this is it? So you need to hold it, check it out, take a stinker. Here's the deal. I talked to them on the phone first, and they were cool dudes. So it wasn't a restriction. There was no, you can't say this, you can't say, there's no HR. It's mostly men.

It was an alcohol company. So. Was it good? No, I can't. I was saying, you guys almost ruined my life. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Keep it going for...

Keep it going for taxable boys! So, I talked to you with great guys. I wound up doing this. It was fucking... It was great. I was very nervous about it though, because I don't do corporate events. I don't...

This one actually wound up being great. And you do... You know, you... But don't do corporate events. I don't this one actually want to be in great and you do you know You you but you we all do it anyways So I basically what you do and I talked to Colin about this who gave me great advice You know Colin God knows his way around comedy we basically you go up you do your fucking jokes There's no whole bar. They just do what you do you have your set and you bring them into it

Just like you do it right good club. What do you do blah blah blah? You and then you you kind of incorporate that into your jokes So it was no big deal. It was a fucking great time awesome great gig flying me home virgin America, which I love Don't like it. You don't like virgin America. Not like a dance club in the sky It's like soul playing. DJ with you was playing. Yeah, yeah. He's like,

dude, I love it. I love it. And I love the lights. They're very soothing. You see every stain on your outfit. I fucking, I love it. It's been dying. But you can upgrade day off too.

And it's not outrageous. Like, you know, other airlines, yeah, you can upgrade, it's $1,500. It's like, are you the seats empty? You fucking dumb cunt. That's so obnoxious that when that's, when they're, when you walk by and there's an empty first class seat and it's just like, all right, make it like $150 for someone

to come here. Even if it's a little more than that, I don't, I don't mind paying. But it'll be like a, if it's a five, if it's a five hour flight, a few hundred bucks for an upgrade, I don't mind. But mind it'll be like a if it's a five if it's a five-hour flight a Few hundred bucks for an upgrade. I don't mind But if it's gonna be empty why wouldn't it just be best off? But if it's gonna be open I'm just trying to match his energy. I was like did Dave trigger something and Bobby

No, I was just trying to match his energy, but I get on the fucking plane I'm very excited. First of all, I'm going through security and with this first class ticket that I just upgraded, you get to go through the first class security line, which is fucking very small. And at the new Vegas airport, which I love, they have a new terminal, which is awesome.

At McCarran. We gotta check your butt crack. Oh, I'm sorry, first class, sir. Go ahead. Go ahead and go ahead. Sir, this is actually where you stop and laugh at everyone else in line. So feel free to point the line. Yes.

Fuck yeah. I look, yeah, I look at you and I look at the line and the two inches and the two inches that you move every fucking couple of minutes. And I'm fucking zipping right through with my shit. And here's the deal. What they did, I go up to the line and the, you go through the little short little stanchions. Oh, stanchion, nice. Stanchion, nice, use of the word stanchion. And I look and they let, because there was not a lot of

first class people going through, they let the commoners get into the first. So I walk up and I, and there's a line all the way down the fucking end. I go, I go, you in first class now, I go, what the fuck? I just paid a lot of money to upgrade to use this line and you guys are all expecting me to go to the, I go, I did, this is all non-first class. I went up to the first, some lady goes, just get in line, right, go there. I go where?

I go where? Where would you, who would you like me to cut off and make mad and then I get mad at them? You know, I go, I'm like, it's your job to fucking enforce the rules. So we don't fucking attack each other. You put the fucking rules in place. We abide by them your coach

I'm first Right take your shoes off put them on the thing by themselves computers out of the fuck we get it But when you guys get fucking lazy you fucks then you now now I'm fucking fighting like a Like a savage no not like a savage I guess, I like a savage. No, not like a savage. Yeah. Yeah. That's a savage.

So I'm fighting against all these savages. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't want to do it. And so, and let's be honest, at the airport. Oh. I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm in the first class because I know my ass pussy. Echo, paco, pico, paco. Yo, some politics and shit, nigga. I'm gonna first class cuz I got my ass pussy I'm gonna go pack up. I'm gonna go. Yo son politics and shit nigga That's my honest. So I'm like I go where she goes just in there just go so now there's some dude who's I not first class He won't let me in so now I'm either gonna have to go dude. I'm fucking let me in fuck you you fuck you

So I it's like that I'm in this position now to be it you put me in a position to be a dick Wait, we're from three days grace The people that you're gonna do shit It's the people at TSA who don't fucking enforce the rules you go to some airports and they're on their fucking game You come down here you go in that line, Canada. It's, there's a guy who stands there, you go there, you go there, you go there, you step on a mat. And an arrow tells you to go left or right.

It's just, it's beautiful. I'm surprised I don't have that more under control in Vegas. It's a bunch of animals. It's a brand new fucking terminal too, which it was amazing. But I'm like, whatever. So then I go down, I get on the flight. I get on first, the flight attendant, I don't get that he's a fucking hot Spanish gay guy.

Okay, that's because he can fly everywhere. He's fucking, he's smoking hot. More recent, you're right. More recent, you're fucking hot. He's fucking hot.'s smoking hot. Mauricio's your, right? Mauricio's your fucking. He's fucking hot. I mean, he's got the shirt and it's tight and he's fucking shredded and he's not like, you know, he's not twinky hot. He's a, he's like, you know, down under beefcake hot, right? But he's tallly a smootcher.

Over to 1a and 1f and D to tall producer Hollywood gay guys. Hollywood. Finn, great hair. Just fucking modern family gay, right? Yeah. Behind them, another two gay guys, one gay guy. Then there's me with some Arab dude sketchy dude with a fucking IBM with one of those little red dot mouses. They described you as a fat and narrow gay guy. Yeah

And Was it that no I wouldn't take the bandana for that. I didn't laugh it because it was hurtful and it hurt my feelings But it should have got a laugh. I thought I should have gotten a laugh But take it but the fucking and then the you know, whatever the two people in front of me these two Euro trash dudes We would just they hate your own style mullet Well these are the guys that put their fuck put their fucking seat down and they know we're about the door shot Get off your phone put your seat up we're taking off and they keep putting a seat up a little bit and a little bit Can you put the seat up all the way sir? And he kept having to come over and fucking sir put your seat up

And he put it up then he put it down just an inch because he had to fucking win He had to break the fucking rules Not even that just a dick. I saw him giggle at his friend He put it he put it down just a little bit and I'm like first of all you fuck just smashed him in the bag I really wanted to but I don't break the rules. I'm not a fucking rule breaker. I'm not fucking Lewis J. Gomez. All right, I obey the rules. Okay, I bend the rules.

That's because you sit on them. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Right in the middle. So so I'm on that this guy will not come did the he doesn't like me because I'm not as type I'm a fat bald guy. I'm trying to smile. I'm trying to do you know, hey, which everyone knows they give the best head Look at each other and wait Well, that's such a secret with Will. It's blasted. I just heard all over the end. You guys as an organization haven't kept that a very good secret.

So, yeah, this guy wouldn't come over to me. I look over these fucking assholes got drinks after drinks. I got one drink the whole fucking five hour flight. And halfway gone, I had a little sip during my meal. And I'm, I'm, for spite, I'm waiting for him in first class to walk over me. Can I get you anything else? Gay guys suck at fucking service.

Yeah. Unless you're fucking cute. Because they're sad. Unless you're in their fucking wheelhouse. Unless you're in their fucking wheelhouse. Unless they might wanna fuck you, they are gonna fucking day day day. They fuck you. So you're saying he you wanted to get more than one drink He just like wasn't coming over to you. I he didn't fucking he ignored this fucking snob Fucking gay guy just a snob and I was first of all look

You don't have to want to fuck me. You don't have to love me But hey give me the same attention as you give everybody else. Sure, it wasn't the Westboro Baptist Church T-shirt you were wearing. All right, give me that back. No, no, no, I want you to go home. I don't want to go no time. Don't know how to tie that.

Let him take that with him. Do you think sexy wear the ventano? Do you think sexy Bobby would have got multiple drinks? Sexy Bobby would have fucking, I literally had to pee every eight minutes. My pee would be clear. Yeah. That's what it ends in Bobby yelling at him showing him his head shot from the salad.

This is what I was, dude. Yeah, it's a long way from the it roll his eyes. I'm like you fucking cut this is first class We're supposed to fucking you're supposed to bow You supposed to fucking treat me better than you treat he treated fucking first class like coach Virgin fucking America when you hire these hot assholes Virgin fucking America when you hire these hot assholes These that that shouldn't you look at you're smoking hot. I get it You're fucking bang whoever you go to the gym. You look great in a fucking stupid uniform You mother fucker. You're supposed to be cordial. You're supposed to be nice You're supposed to fake it you fucking twat

No, probably here. I like it. I like your fucking. I hate him. These fucking holy the now fucks in the air. You're supposed to make us feel better. You're supposed to accommodate us. You're supposed to say, please thank you. You're welcome. You're supposed to say yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Just because we're a bunch of fucking savages.

Excuse me, sir. Well, that was your savage at all. Can you please go back to coach for our mid-flight butt fucking session? That's good. You're grossing out everywhere. I was fucking mad, dude. I'm like, I just paid a lot of money.

Maybe not to you, you fuck. I paid a lot of money to upgrade this seed. And for some reason, I stuck it in paranoid. Like I figured like, oh my god, they saw that I upgraded and I didn't buy the original $2,000 first class ticket and I upgraded today. So they think I'm a shitty part. You know, I stuck it in paranoid. Or like, he doesn't like me personally. Like, he looked at me and there's something wrong with me. I really feel that way a lot on flights. Flight attendance treat me shitty, all the fucking time. And I don't know if it's because I'm bald,

I look aggressive. Maybe it was your best beer, but burp Baptist. Oh my God, I think you can make that worse. You just did. Bobby, it's definitely. I'll back a death at the more critical. I'm like, want to.

Okay, that's why I only fly quantists. It's because you only can fly quantists. The only place you go is Australia and back. I come from Virgin America and I hate the same thing though, young and bitchy out of sprained ankle in my flight. And I hate this. Wait, hold on, but Kelly, were you wearing your West Bank? I was saying.

You're out of sprained. This is why I love comics. Yes. Because we will take literally the most unfunny thing ever. And someone who found away, one of us found away to make it funny. I fucking love moms. You wouldn't believe it. They're all like 45 and 50. They've got faces like a little briefcase. Like they've been doing it for 30 years. It's a main thing.

I don't know. JetBlue used to when JetBlue first came on the scene, it was such an amazing airline because that you come on the plane. Hello, welcome. Thank you for flying with us. They actually appreciated your fucking business. That's falling off though. They sucked. They were amazing. Yeah, because another I look at I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna general generalize gay guys don't fucking they their customer service stinks. Yes, I did. That's it. It's not even less. Gaze in general are very rude. It's not like something I'm just making up. I'm making up.

I think there are a bombination in this. God, I'm going to slide out of frame. This is real. Here you guys. Get me up there. Here you guys. Gaze in general. Gaze in general.

And old Asians. I'm not saying it's everyone or anything like that. Old Asian women. I'm. Old Asian women. I'm not saying it's everyone or anything like that. Old Asian women. I'm, hey, there's a very kind of like snappy, like judgmental kind. Not missing everyone's like that. But that is the thing you find a lot.

They treat you if you're not, if you're not, you know, if I was with my wife and kid, all of a sudden everybody, I'm a superhero. I'm a better person. I'm a fucking bad, I'm a fucking bad. I can't judge you because you have, you know, you're fucking wearing lip gloss. You think it's good.

I can't say, you fucking silly bitch. I can't do that. But you look at me on ball, the little dumpy. I got, you know, my jeans don't fit right. I got my back on my jeans. This is all just becoming Bobby's Instagram. This is like nothing to do with anything. Bobby was a woman he'd be named Tracy. I just like the thought of my jeans. This is all just becoming Bobby's Instagram. He's just like, nothing to do with anything. If Bobby was a woman, he'd be named Tracy.

I did like the thought of you complaining to your Arab neighbor. We like, didn't even do it. And then he's just casually on his laptop going, this is why we cut their heads off and my country. It's true though. It's like, don't be too old. He was annoyed too.

He was actually, like, as he came over to him, he wouldn't, he would just look at him, like look at him, wait for him to would just look at him Like look at him wait for him to take that he would look at him Way from to take the head and then talk to him and instead of going hey, how are you? Excuse me like you know getting attention. I'm watching a fucking movie you fuck face. No, seriously I'm watching a fucking movie and I don't know if you're standing there waiting for me. Just go. Hi, how are you? Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, what's up? What are the choices? He'd walk over stand there. You look at what's up? What would you like? What are the choices? Fucking cock soccer in the back. They're actually the backseat of your

Do you think it's because you looked like everybody that beat them up in high school? I just I tell you what it is. I just I don't I'm not hot. These are the two guys They got I can't tell you how I counted 52 smiles I get paranoid I counted 52 I mean every time he walked by even little smiles just you know You guys you okay? You think every time I looked over there was a little drink there or a little snack or something. Something. He would walk over to me.

His face would immediately turn to stone. Fuck, like I just, like I walked up to him and said, I hate gays. Like that's the face he had. And it was like, I tried to be, hey, thanks. I would say thanks. I would act coy. Cause maybe that's what he was into.

Thank you. That's weird that he didn't even try to hide it because I've waited tables, you have two, right? I mean, you try to, you know, put the false face up front. Well, gay guys, he's right, gay guys are like sassy. Like they always get away with sass, we're like, look at this bitch. Look at who you bitch is.

Yeah, gay guys get away with that shit, dude. I've had, I, I, I, I, well, they have a, they have a chick mentality because they think you can't punch them in the fucking mouth and i was a minute louis that's where the list is that's right to stop right there i got to do a read before we get into violence it's a violence against gays it's it's not violence

they get mad when you make a bite the i just think i i don't know but it is it's i think there's a thing you'd almost be you're a little bit quicker sometimes to call shit at like if there's a girl who's just really shallow really into like just like clothes and shopping and material, you're a little bit quicker sometimes to call shit at. Like if there's a girl who's just really shallow, really into like, just like, clothes and shopping and materialistic,

you're like, oh, she's one of those girls. But when it's a gay dude, you're almost a little hesitant to call the man, cause you're like, well, I don't want to be prejudice or anything like that. You can call the man at the same way. What? I think it's all flight attendants.

I think it's flight attendants. Flight attendants, a lot of the times, they get this like, fucking weird call complex. Nope, the dumpy girl the dumpy other chick the little girl that was on there sweet as could be thank you how are you little joke a little small talk blah blah blah. Well, don't be chicks are the best people. Yeah, but she came over she came. Kelly you're great. Just take that away from her. What the hell. Kelly's dumpy. Just take that away from him. Put that on.

Put that on Kelly's don't be tiff. It's been a different anyway. Kelly, put that on. Stuff that you're left tits, so they match. Just try to get them in the whole time. Don't cover your tits the one day they're looking awesome. So anyways, yeah, I think you're right. I think flight attendants are just assholes.

I had a great one where, you know, I checked, we always check. We never checked, you carry on. Did you check or you not check? I didn't check, I carried on. And I never check. And I got, I paid more, not to get first class, but to get zone one, so I knew my. You can get on the plane first,

if your bag could get on. And I get on it, I'm in row six. That's the first class of our level. Yeah, that's where we're at. We're like, it was a pretty big deal. Oh, God, zone one is great. It's awesome, zone one. So I get on, and I'm in row six,

you know, like first class stops in four. I'm in row six and the bags go all the way back to row 11 where there's nothing. So I put my bag in row 12. I've got a connection flight in LA over. So I have my bag in row 14 it was and we're landing and I'm like, it's coming down to the fucking second where I have to run off the plane.

And there's another flight attendant that's taking that flight. So she's sitting down to the fucking second where I have to run off the plane and there's another flight attendant That's taking that flight so she's sitting down. So as we're taxing I'm in the aisle seat And I'm like getting ready to run back for my for my bag and she goes sir. I just hear it goes sir Do not do it and I look back at her. I go you have no power anymore. We're on the ground Excuse and righty. She says excuse goes or anymore, we're on the ground. And she goes, excuse. And right as she says, excuse, goes, boom. And then a ran by her and fucking grabbed my bag out.

And I was like, yes, and everyone stood up. And I was like, right when she said that, her look on her face was like, I called her a cunt. Like that's how bad it was. I go, you have no power. Senator gets teased by a fucking agent in this guy. Here's a deal. I understand that they have to deal

with the fucking scum of the plant. Yeah. Flying back in the day, it was a chosen few, you wore suits, you got dressed up. It was very expensive. Now, it's like Vegas, a fucking asshole with docker shorts gets to walk in and a panterasher and a fucking pair of mittens gets to walk in the fucking place.

I get it, but here's a deal. You have to take a case by case basis. You have to person by person, if you're dealing with people and customer service and you you have to understand somebody's energy and there is a job to be done. You have to you like you said, hi how are you? Can I get you anything? Do you would you like anything? Can I get you a towel? How is dinner? Anything else? Do you want to dessert? Can I get you a cup of coffee? You fuck and if it's first class, I get it in coach, I get in coach

that you might not get that. Oh, because I'm in coach too, bro. But I get it that there's too many people to be, but you can still be nice. Look, when you know I was asleep and I just woke up but you're one seat behind me and you see me, oh, I fuck I missed the drink and you see me looking at you That's why you kind of should me ignore me you ignore me. I know you feel me looking and then you look You're gonna have to wait

First of all, I didn't say a fucking word second of all Fuck you wait you're right there. You could, you could be a nice person and not be a fucking just a, a fiery cunt. It's not like they're mixing drinks for you, though. You could just say, you could just say, say, you could just say, okay, give me, just, hey, give me one second. I'll be right with you. Just a little, a little. By the way, you know how much it's not even sometimes the difference in the actual thing It's just the way someone handles that like even if there's like their bosses being strict like oh if you miss them You got some goes hey, I'm real sorry. I got to come get you after I'm done with right just like a

We miss a place on the way to ship rocked we missed our flight Yeah, we got to the get you know usually I mean I I'm very blas I once give the airport as soon as I'm through security I'm very blas a So I'll get you know I'll get a cup of coffee go take a piss whatever So we got to the gate 20 minutes before the flight was supposed to take off they wouldn't let us in what because they close the gate Ten minutes after boarding about ten minutes that which is by the way only time that's ever happened to me in my life I know you're supposed to be there when they start boarding but literally 10 minutes Yeah, after the game. I'll find the woman was kind of nice Christine started

Fucking calling like crazy. It was fucking nuts, but fucking the the boss came out like her boss the woman's boss That was like a charge of making the decision and he could have just been a nice guy He could have said hey guys were really sorry unfortunately this is the policy he comes out he's like it's not even a discussion go away he stopped pretty quickly when he realized that pretty quickly we realize I might fucking lose my shit on him yeah you're about to roll I think Trump do you like the guitar or some three big guys but this is why people wonder why I get I look I'm not saying that it's as an excuse when people go off with guns or when people

lose it. Seriously, when you don't have any control over the way people treat you in this society, when you're getting dicked over day by day, holding the door, no thank you, right? Someone holding the door for you, no you welcome. When you get on planes and you're boss and you're the and your the employees not even the people in your life directly the people indirectly in your life the people at Starbucks that don't even fucking look at you when you when you hey just over and over again it can get to you many disrespects it can get to you and look I want I'm sitting there going all right listen man you got

to let it go. You gotta stop. This guy who gives a fuck, because if the plane starts to crash, you know what I mean, it's going down and we're in the water. That twink will be screaming. Well, this is like this. Not really, the twink might be fucking saving my life.

This guy might do it. Or climbing on the floor. Yeah, he swims every day. For days a week, Bobby's gonna be fucking drown and jump on my Back you know how many whale jokes you could have just made and you guys all so fuck you I was actually I was gonna call you the door from It was too wordy. I stopped You's Bobby as a flotation device

The chair idea get the chair. I guys. I gotta read these we're gonna get back to this in a second. Um Lewis. Yeah Dan hi Dave yes and Frank Frank He sure no, oh you guys know hulu dot com favorite. Oh, yeah I'm a man first of all hulu dot com one of my favorite commercials with Alec Baldwin First of all, Hulu.com, one of my favorite commercials with Alec Baldwin. Remember that when he was a world aliens in Hollywood. I love that. Hulu Plus is that much, much more. Hulu Plus, you can watch all your favorite shows anytime, anywhere, which I love. Okay? Hulu Plus has thousands of hit TV shows, movies, right in your living room around the go,

on your smartphone, your iPad, your Google pad, whatever you got. What do you got? You got a standard New York's lab pad? Should've make him the own pad. It's incredible, I love it. With Hulu Plus, you can watch your favorite TV shows like SNL, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Shark Tank, and Scandal.

Watch every episode of shows like law stuff law and order law know to which is a million friggin episodes sv u doctor who and community they have episodes of community episode episode every episode you can also check out exclusive content including including Hulu's originals like the wrong man's and behind the mask. Hulu's new docus series that takes you inside the world of sports mascots, which is really interesting. You should check out that show.

I love documentaries. I love real shit. I'll watch any documentary they have on anything. I'll watch a documentary on the lead singer of pusifer when he does wine, right? Do you see that? His name is Maynard. He's from Toul. Yeah, from Toul, leasing for. Pussifer, that was a real thing. I thought that was a reference. No, pusifer is his band. Pussifier. No, it's pusifer. Not pusifier. It's pusifer. I think you're both wrong. I think it's Toul. I think it's what he has a band called. It's either pusifier. I think you're both wrong. I think it's tool and I think it's what he has a band called

It's not I don't it's either push if I think it's pusifier. It's a person. I hope both your pussy's catch on fire It's a smash your face with a hammer. Why would you smash you with a hammer? Not you Bobby day His face back out of this face smash I would you like that just the tone you said that you I don't like that just the tone you say that you For sure guys a lot of pussy for hey guys god damn it. Put the fire. Yeah, you know this song right here You know this is your vagina still septic I'm so... Doing like I guys. It's him and the lead, yeah.

This resident Bobby's putting lipstick on to this song. And the bathroom on the Virgin American flight back from Vegas. Oh, you want to give me a turn, too? I want you to walk about the way you love me this side. Oh, I heard you. Tonight we hugged. One of my favorite songs of all time, by the way. That song is the mission. The mission.

From Pussyfar. Anyways, I love documentaries, and that's a great documentary that you can watch on HuluPlus.com. You can also get access to a collection of ad-free movies and kids content, which is good for you. And it's only for $7.99 a month. Catch up on current shows, binge on old favorites.

You can catch up on movies, stream as many TV shows and movies as you want wherever you want, which is great. Right now you can try Hulu Plus free for two weeks when you go to Hulu Plus dot com slash dude. What is that Kelly? Dude. That's a special offer from my listeners only of the YKWD.

So look at it. If you support the show, you listen to the show. Go right now. Just sign up. It's two weeks free. Go to huluplus.com slash dude, that's huluplus.com slash dude for your extended free trial. And that's where they know we sent you. Right now, go to huluplus.com slash dude for your extended two week free trial.

We get another sponsor too that I wanted to check out which I'm really excited about. Push the fire. What is it? Push the fire. No it's not push the fire. It's hang on. Give me the what? I'm not doing that this week. Oh fucking listen. Asshole. Listen. Can you talk about it if you want to. No, we're doing it. Okay. She told me not to. Okay. We're not doing it this week?

Well, Rob, no, you're, you got to do a separate one because it's going to come out on Monday. Unless you want this episode to come out this Monday, but you already have an episode in the bag. For Stuga looks like she's waiting on her Gino results. Gino results. Gino.

Spotted Gino. Gino bascon to results. Results. And the results have come in, you can open for Gina. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so, all right. All right, so you sure?

Yeah, I'd really like to email me. I don't give a fuck, I'm gonna mention them anyways. Okay. shaveclub.com. I, you know what, this is where you order the razors, right? Yeah, I saw that, it looks awesome. And the commercials are fucking sick. And I just bought this new thing.

I've been looking forward for four years from, I got it from a European shave company. It's a little leather, brown leather pouch. And if you open it up, there's a little tiny razor. And you can put your mock fives or your fusion blades on it, but it's this big. And it has a fingernail cutter and a nose hair trimmer. A German made nose hair trimmer.

And it's this big. And so you know, I hate carrying the fucking razors and it's amazing. But now with the with the shave club, you just have them sent to you house. You don't have to fucking go in at three in the morning, the night before you leave it on a flight and spend 38 bucks on a fucking a pack of eight. Yeah, it's a man. It doesn't alarm on it

It's like it's like there like it's gold in a fucking right aid That's like one of those things so you don't even realize how much money you waste like in a year on like disposable Razors and shit like that on the right sides. Yeah, man. I'm way behind this Anyways, yeah, they're fucking great. I fucking great i love i love what we're gonna do the full ad next week we're not doing it this week but i'm glad they uh... join the ykwd show uh... and of course go to amazon dot com and uh... use our link they got some there

just try to back you up ha ha ha ha ha ha good job, Dave. Killin' it. Damn. You can bail the... Yeah, John. All right, well, I'm gonna go to the thing right here. Yes. Yes. Dan, take over for a second. Hey.

Hey guys, hey, I'll tell you a little story. It's just a depressing take. Consul, I'm not happy. Guys, the tour will... Guys, wanna hear a fun story? Yeah, I wanna hear it. So the other week I did a show, and I started talking to a guy while. The Santa comedy show was at a talent show.

You know. She was asking in Honest Club. I wasn't. She was at PS126, warming up for a seventh grade. I would like to thank Ian Rice again. We ended Kelly's doors. Jeremy Levine. Jeremy Levine is amazing.

Aaron Atchinson. Hey guys, can I tell a story? I was like, don't time while he was doing his shit. I want to thank all you guys for donating this month. You guys are amazing. I don't know what the fuck is going on here. Here we go. I want to thank all those guys who donate to the show. And you know, go to some other shit too. All right, we're back. So yeah, I just

think. I don't think the gay guys that I know I live in a gay building. They were the fucking greatest to the nicest ever when they know, when they put you in your place, like, all right, we don't wanna fuck him or we do wanna fuck him, but when you're, as far as service goes, when you walk in to a place, like gay flight, and I think you hit it too.

I think it's gay flight attendance, those guys, right? Yeah. And being a flight attendant too, I think they're assholes. I think it's a, I think it's a, they don't get paid a lot of money. Do you know that for a fact? Fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly Get 80 grand pilots get not that much. Yeah, fuck you pile the pain actually in dick bucks I just want to hit end No way because what I did on the show and I sometimes What was that?

What I did on the show is I took the break at the wrong space We should have took it before I got into the flight of tenant stuff, but it was just, we got into it and then everybody was jumping. And then I took it right like in the middle of the heat. And now I literally just put out all your flames. You guys are all like, I'm tired, I wanna go home now. Look at Dan, look at Dan lost all his sugar. He couldn't do a voice right now if you fucking begged him.

Oh, this is, no, it's just my mom. I know when Kelly's whipped up. She's had her energy saving the whole show I want to hear a story. I'm here a story Kelly really does verbally rope a dope all of us She let's just burn out and then she's like I got so many stories She's like in hurt. She's getting mad Let me tell you stories You know you know what happens to know why you're tucking your shirt in also stop bouncing up and down It's so distracted. Yeah Kelly like you're good very if you if you're still you look good

He's not moving around because it turns into puddle Kelly don't get mad that we're fucking admire If they were complimenting my fucking tits... We are. His tits are gross. No, I feel great. Guys, this... This actually led me to a sincere question.

Yes, darling. Next year in Shiprock, do you think Puddle of Muddle will be there? Oh, do you have a great two? Speaking of Kelly's tits, you think Puddle of Muddle? That's where you're right to go. I'd say who's not gonna be there? Me. The Legion Discs. The troublemakers from last year. It's either also three days grace. They're going to have chimps. They're going to go to fucking Murray's with stories. I don't know if they want their career back that quickly.

The ship will be so full it will tip over. So what happened? I was there. Yeah. Don't say anything. I'm going to say that I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there.

I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there full it will tip over. So. So, go ahead. So what happened? I was there. Yeah. Um, don't say the ending. I was at a show. She sucked it in. It didn't go good. It's alright.

Eyes, come on. That is fucking tough. This is not going to be a payoff now. Fuck you Kelly. Listen, I fucking told my story had these guys attacking me the whole time. Alright. So I was at a show and I started after I do my thing. I went up after was I said talking to a guy at the back That's an appropriate way to call what you do

Because it wasn't like a show show I did it with Lewis was like a variety. Oh, yeah It's a lady Question but it was a variety show he was on stage with me. We both did it together Yeah, but it was a variety show. He was on stage with me. We both did it together. Yeah, but it was still a fair question. Yeah. What the fuck? You guys doing the right show. It was a game show, the pilot part game show.

We had to get smashed. Oh, I said, by the way, the pilot that's never gonna air, could you two are involved? The other time I was on this show, when you weren't here, we got in a debate about that. Maybe I'm crazy, but I just don't even think,

I don't think young stand-up comedy should be doing a ton of variety shows. You stand-up comedy show. Let me answer your question right now to that. There was a statement, it wasn't a question. Well, I don't care. You're saying- Can I just stop for one second?

I'll go ahead. I just wanna say, you're saying that they should just be doing stand-up shows straight. Not all those other horses. Yes, you're trying to pursue something here. Let me, yeah, okay. So what the hell is the legend of Skanks then? What do you do? Did you want guys? Is that not contributing to your stand up?

Nope. Well then. I'll do it. I'll do this line of argument right now. Did you just listen to that story? I'm doing nothing. I'm just getting glasses of wine thrown at my buddy's face that were men for me. That's what it does. That's what it does for my great.

I'm gonna show you doing more than I'm. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I would, okay, I do a monthly show that I get people to come to. You do a weekly show that no one goes to. So what's your point? Your point is you're giving me shit for doing something. It's not my stand up, I'm not working on my act. What, clearly, I've seen it. You're not working on my act. Oh, David, it's so easy.

David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David. You were trying to make this like an attacking is that I can do whatever I want. You're right. I'll do whatever I want. And if you're going to give me shit about it. Not the audience, but you happy. You're doing similar things to what I'm doing, which is just bettering my style. No, but you're not.

Whatever. Let me tell you something. When we had people coming out to Legion of Skanks when we were doing it at the stand, I specifically made sure we did a stand-up comedy show before then. We wanted to do a stand-up comedy show before it when we were at the creek.

We weren't getting enough people at to do stand-up. If I can never get an opportunity to get another set, I'll do it. I'm trying to get better as a comic. And not for nothing, I've just, I'm getting up a lot. Like when you first start, you need to sign. I think what David is saying is this.

Is that the comedy scene right now is so out there there's so many variety things and let's not let's not do stand-up let's do let's let's fucking make fun of the crowd for an hour or two hours let's fucking throw word up behind your head and you got to come up with some when you, that is only good at when you're a professional standup comedian, and look at, I can go on, it's that when I can go up and go to the crowd and go all improv for the first 15 minutes, and annihilate, and I can go right back into my act,

and annihilate just as hard. But then you see a young guy go out and just, what do you do? He's killing, which is what do you do, where are you from? Then he goes into his jokes and it fucking just falls dead. And because he never, ever worked on it, he didn't, he hasn't worked on a stand up enough to fucking make sure that this thing, which is not stand up in Prove or crowd work. I don't give a fuck who you, which is not stand up, improv or crowd work, I don't give a fuck who you, that's not stand up. Stand up is a written joke and you know where the laughs are coming and you fucking made

it so. You created it. It was a story, even if it's hidden inside of a story. Okay, but if you're, when you're going to do all these other shows, you're working on a skill. Okay, that may, yes, I get it. That will give you a little confidence. It gives you stage time.

It does give you the ability to be quicker. I think more, you want to be a fucking great standup. You want to learn how to do standup and then you know what standup gets you work and it gets you into clubs. It makes you money, right? It gets you on more stupid It makes you money, right? It gets you on more stupid shows. You wanna get a good at it?

Stand up, host. Yeah. Fuck all this other bullshit. Louis Scott. Fucking host. Louis fucking, like he's one of my favorite hosts in the city. He got good at it being a stand up. Yeah.

From being a host. I always, because he went up at the beginning, he learned to deal with that ego. He learned to deal with the comic ego He went up after people killing and learn how to bomb. He learned how to kill after somebody He learned how to fucking vibe a room. He learned all the bullshit You know, you're not gonna raise your hand. It's not gonna happen I don't even want to get into this. I just want to tell you how about it with a married man

But what I'm saying to you is that he's making a good point. I understand his point. I understand what you're coming from. Like, look at it. I just heard a second time. Suck my deck. I want to do what I want to do. But you should, there's a point where if you're stand up,

if you really want to get good at your stand up, Ben Bailey, I can't tell you how good he got. Fucking Tom Papa used to host at the Boston, and at the seller. I can't tell you how good he got fucking Tom Papa used to host at the Boston and at the seller I can't tell you how great Tom got myself. I hosted here To win a host when you have a good host when you when you can host you'll be able to go up after and it teach you so much But all those other horses shit fucking can fuck with you Bobby that's why I'm starting my new show I'll pin the tail on Dan. Well, that's a thing of a J-Show. Yeah, let's go do crowd work.

What about stand up? When did stand up become more? It's already a thing. There's already like a theme to what we do. It's stand up comedy. That's the theme. It's not, forget this like, the women of stand up comedy or Latinas of stand up comedy, dirty stand up comedy.

Just stand up. The best stand up comics. How about that? What about dirty Latina women of stand up comedy? Well, then yes. Okay, now I'm spicy. Hi, so. Kelly, you made it with a marry man. Yes. Just beat the best stand-up comics. How about that dirty Latina women of Santa Kelly you made it with a marry man. Yes, what happened? So I thought you didn't do that He was sleeping. That means I can fuck you I'm talking to a guy In the show and was like we're talking for like 45 minutes. It was very flirty 45 minutes

Jesus and he did not walk away. No, are you sure it didn't talking for like 45 minutes. It was very flirty. 45 minutes. Jesus. And he did not walk away. No. Are you sure it didn't just feel like 45 minutes? I sure did. Perhaps. And he's like, yeah, oh yeah. Was anyone flashing and lighting you? He's like, oh, the toilet bowl's flushing the opposite way where you were.

Interesting. And then I said to him, we're talking and stuff. And I said, do you have a girlfriend? He went, no. And I said, he was honest. And I went like this. And he had a ring. He goes look what I got I see the ring and he goes no. I'm not a hobbit either. I got a bitch at home waiting for me

And when he said no, it's not you don't have a girlfriend. He goes no, I said awesome. Do you want to make out? It went yes, so he started making out and then it was white forked over Glad you have a glad you have a criteria. Do you have a girlfriend? No, you want to make out? Yes, okay, let's go It was tall and rich So then I didn't know his rich did he have a fucking I could just tell a money clip with a fucking dollar sign engraved on it I'm fine and you're a monical He had an ass got Burberry scuffle on it

Question now I don't have a girlfriend Yes, I would like to make out I do have a pet owl. Oh I don't believe I never made out with a bottle of pudding I've sold many a crimes Yes, me. I do have a driver I love to mash you through the get a few of the parking. No, I love the park Hello, is it if you met Perry's wife?

I'm fucking hate it. Did you did you touch his dick over his what did this move to? Sorry, so what happened again? You know very small country. They're the whole country company last year Tell you so what happened you made out with him. He threw to what happened again. You know, very small country. They're the whole country company last year Tell you so what happened you made out with him. He threw up what happened And continue I'm looking to do a stop it You seem to be not together Watching you take that old alcohol, wondering if I could stick my tongue in your face? I don't know, I'm doing stewie driven.

So you didn't jack them on the outside of the jeans. No, he asked me for an imba and I was like, oh, okay. And then he took out a pen. I was like, just get your phone out. A fucking pen. And this guy had a fucking, like, he had out a pen. I was like, just get your phone out. I'm fucking dead. I'm a pen. This guy had a fucking like- He had a quill. One second.

I'm gonna pen. Did he put your number in his little black book? Let me get my yellow. What's up? What is he? A fucking womanizer from the 80s? At the time I didn't realize it because I was like, just get your phone out. He's like, oh no, I'm a bachie's flat. I was like this. He went like this. He got big payback.

He went like this. He gave me numbing. You're a hachie's flat. I was like this. And he would get a big payback. He would like this, he'd give me numbing. You're a hulk of? Yeah. But he wouldn't let me. And then I didn't have paybacks. I was like, I don't have paybacks. I don't know where he wanted to ride it. He's like, we'll just get you some ice cream.

He was pulled out of stomach skin. Jesus. Jesus. It's fucking bad, but it was funny because he did the fucking pant in my with it. Also, that's a good sign that you're writing. You had no paper. Um.

Glad those shows are working out. Just make it up as they go along. I know my bag on me. It's a long story. It's too many. You shot up, we know. So I grabbed his arm. I was like, I'll draw it on your arm.

Anyway, no, no, no, no. I was writing it on my back. No, no, no, no, don't run him up. And I was just so drunk. I was like, why not? It's like, because my wife will see it. And I was like, oh. And I went, you should lose my number.

And then I walked away. And I left, I left it. I already did. I was saying your number would be nice to you. I'm good. Could you smell my rotten juice? Yeah. My wife is actually my cousin.

You will hold together my own parents. I am very worth it. We want to keep the money and the family. We are very old money. Have you ever given a head on a blanket? By the way, my butler will watch us. But we sent your family to Australia centuries ago. Sorry, with them in here.

Listen, so Kelly Kelly I don't understand Why would you not I mean you already made out with the guy but you got so you know the guy tells you he's married Now he tells you he's married why is she's fucking do it? Why why would I ever do that to someone? What the guy or his wife? Is that bad you don't know this, bitch. Terrible. I would never cheat on. I would never do that. You did, though.

Yeah, you already did it. You already ruined his marriage. I'm seeing the question. I don't think I was the first person he'd gone. Do you have paper to? At what point did you start humming the song, The Boy Is Mine? No, no, I'm not. All right.

How's that going? Boy is my am sorry, that's you. Oh, I don't even know. I I thought you would do in the Michael Jackson one what I don't think you ever had a song Girl I think you just said that My That's the poem account I think good fuck that You made out with a married man What am I supposed to do before I make out was I want to ask the question so I'm sorry

I forgot you were a cracked detective On a moon the sun would just scare the shit out of me But I asked the question. Oh hang on one second. Can you not hit me like we're in prison? And I just fucking stole your cigarettes. He just went like this Are you the fuck? He's Italian. Give me. Give me girlfriend. No. I'll stop there. And the thunder roll. Don't put Garth in my head. That's she. He was shitty.

In the Latin in stride. And why was he shitty? Because if I'm gonna say you have a girlfriend. There's a reason why How did he tell you he had a wife ultimately was when you weren't Can I also say this what if he's going through major problems with his wife right now? They're still living together with this isn't your personal story Don't try to make this a Lewis there. Are you all right, dude? What if she's not giving them any? What if I don't know they just had a kid I don't know what I think this is uncomfortable. I love it. It's funny It's a marriage. I was in I was in

place Tell you room my relationship. I know there's no way that's still going on. Is that still happening? How the fuck do you know? No, there's no way that's still going on. Is that still happening? How the fuck do you know? He's my waiting in tune a partner. Yeah, we're to share everything I ask you who carries you here who's been I feel like a new met diamond. It's actually it's pretty We have a lot of them now and it's the other day. I love working with Lewis J We have a fucking fun and I got to beat you and UFC Yeah, no, that's not gonna happen. Oh, it's good. You go from really hard work at this to playing video games at this fucking pothead.

I know my role. That is actually very, that is exactly you could lay out our day when we write together. Very hard work in the beginning. We work, we work hard for about five hours and then we smoke weed and play video games. It's awesome. I'm all right. I good for you. Listen, here's a deal. Are you really, is that still going on? You can't talk about it? I can't talk about it We're both in therapy I didn't break it up enough I'm like killing you in your face about it. Yeah, you don't ask I could be I could take you get away I make one call to the state.

Oh Jesus, all right, listen man. I could go on on this, but you can't. But I mean, here's the thing, Lewis, I've been through a lot of ups and downs too. I have, and I'm gonna look, I'm going through a stressful time, the last eight months, having a kid, all the shit you're going through.

You guys have to, she and you have to understand that it's not your fault that you're under stress. Kids fault. You're under stress. You guys are first time parents. You guys are first time fucking parents. You're in the fucking crazy business in Rome. You live in fucking Rome.

You live in you live in the fucking city in the world, okay? Where everybody wants to be. You guys are there, okay? And you got this kid, you got a lot of responsibility. You got all this crazy shit going on. I'm in the same boat. We fight, me and my wife fight a lot. We have a lot of stress, you moved, I moved,

you moved twice. Yeah, but you guys are white It's so different. Yeah, it's not it's it's to degrees man. It's degrees. It's the same shit exactly no degrees Degree Nothing on the wall Oh, that's an educated guy. Oh, god, what is it? Oh, fuck it. Thank you for telling me. I look at this fucking video.

Fuck video. Yeah! You hear that? We're not fucking no alive either. Video sucks. We're doing it now. We're doing it now. We're doing it now.

We're doing it now. We're doing it now. We're doing it now. We're doing it now. We're doing it now. We're doing it now. We're doing it now. Hang on, slow down. Kill the radio star. Fucking one track scopeos about to push wrong buttons. He went, he turned to me and stopped it. Stop the, stop it. No, don't stop it and go live. We're going live.

What is scopeos of Doria energy today? What? Listen, he's fucking working, that's why, listen, this is the deal. Okay, here's the deal. You gotta, you have to cut yourself some slack. Both of you, you're gonna stop blaming each other for your anxieties and your stress.

You got a lot of shit going on. I know because I'm going through the same thing. You know, I wake up every fucking day. There's no more waking up at 11 or watching a TV show, a few shows at night. There's no more watch going to the movies. There's no more that shit. Yeah, that's shit.

You guys have friends and should like that. You should take more advantage of that. You know what I mean? Have make make like a movie night or something like that. It's not you. I'll come watch the kid. Listen brother, you guys say that horse shit. It's you. I don't want you watching my kid because if something happens to my kid, you don't know what the fuck you're doing. My kid suffers. You want you. It's seriously.

That's a nice gesture. It's a great thing. But I'm not leaving my kid with a dude who fucks chicks on benches. Oh, so you leave it with a with an immigrant I won't I didn't leave it I stayed I stayed with her and I found out she did not have changed a shit diaper and to be honest Kelly That thought I was like what am I doing? Because if I left and then she didn't know what she was doing and somehow that affected my kid do people really do think they can But everyone will volunteer to babies can't I will it's kind of crazy to how many of you just don't even have to change your diaper you listen

Here's a deal the this is what you think when you're gonna baby said when the baby cries and then you change him And you feed him and you and then he's still crying you don't know what the fuck it is And then you're sitting there like what now all my kid is what I have babysat lose his kids So they can go to a movie plenty of times and I can handle that pretty much every time. I'm talking about why people upset when I leave. Why people don't leave their kids with just anybody? These fucking border-based, fucking project rats do it.

But we definitely. There are a few people that I would just leave my son with the babysit. Dave is one of them. Dave's really good with the baby. What I'm saying is you need to fucking cut yourself some slack. You guys need to realize that this year, maybe then this two years, is you're under the slotted stress, it's stress.

It's a transitional year. You're going through having a kid, you're going through almost moving, not moving, your career is changing, you're in flux, both of you. You can't blame it on each other. My life is all fluxed up, right? You can't blame it on each other. I know, well I'm very much the glad you have full.

For me, it's kind of crazy. But I know you too, you have to take responsibility brother. You have to change. And you are, I see it, you are. You're understanding that people aren't at your back and call. People just aren't there to fucking support you. You got to be there for them. And you got to know what, you can't just be this fucking rogue asshole that you know

You think I know you are sometimes and it's to your benefit, but you have to support her Well, I don't want to be a rogue asshole, but it sounds pretty awesome those words So could you maybe use different words? I got a rogue asshole today Big Kelly writes down road at Rogas Oh, this one will have fucking nine stupid names that she thought was fucking whims across Let's go back to the quote to the ye What's the name of the podcast bottle tops and coaks? Mad pedal

Maybe I'm here you go. mirror. I fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you. Bobby, read the brakes. I'm gonna say about what I said. You guys are in fucks. We get to both be home with our son and raise him. Like, neither of us worked during the day. I don't. I'm on the road. I travel a lot.

I work. Yeah, you don't get to do it. But they don't care about you up there in the plane. No, nothing. I don't think that me and Dan are. You go right to me. to do it, but they don't care about you up there in the plane. No nothing. I'll take that me in Dana Where is it Kelly? Why we even look anywhere else I don't know. I'm just saying by the way after the married guy made out with Kelly gave her a bandana. What time? That was funny. What time did you wake up today? What time did it feel like waking up? What time did you wake up today? Woo!

What time did it feel like waking up this better question? What time did you wake up? Uh, 12, 10. What time did you wake up, Dave? 10, 30ish. What time did you wake up? What's your name? Mike. Uh, 11, 15. What time did you wake up, Kelly?

Uh, 5, 30ish. When the mayor got kicked out of his bed. I would never. It's still there. All right, so anyways, I woke up at 7.30. I've been up ever since. No naps. I woke up. I came home late last night. I was up till 3.

I flew back from Vegas. I know I had to do this today. I woke up, the kids in my face going, dada, and he's holding my nose. No. You get a, you get a, you're, you're trying to scope out, I got a shovel. You shot him a scopo.

I got a shovel, like, shit. You don't understand it. It's just a constant, it's this fucking movement that's been happening for the last, how old you kid now? A year and a some? Three months. Three months. You know, our lives are stressful.

I'm like, do I eat the sped injuries at 2.30 in the morning when I'm alive? Watching Netflix? You know, it's like, no, I'm done. I do want to buy an extra album on iTunes because I have all this. I hope the rubber breaks. We don't use rubbers. So there you go.

I hope I hope she tricks you. Dude, I hope you have a lover. Because I love her. I hope you have a kid. I would love to see you living in their basement behind me. Two streets behind me. No, I don't. They make me so happy. Trust me, I would do 19 more you living in their basement behind me two streets behind me. No, I make me so happy trust me I would do 19 more seasons of whatever TV show

To not to get my own apartment Okay, I look at this shows. You know what fuck it. It's over next next. I'll talk about getting fingered in the butt Oh my god. Yeah, it was a good story too, but well, you know next in a month Oh my god! Yeah, it was a good story too. But well, you know, next, then a month. Did we really not hear your butt getting fingers for Kelly's kissing a fucking attitude? We didn't hear about your butt story for an hour, 35 minutes.

Yeah, you guys are almost stars. Retro, I know. I was a... Well, because they go on, they did a pirate fucking riff for 20 minutes. Yeah. I'm sorry that we fistfought a pirate Kelly. You kissed a dude. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'm sorry that we fist fought a pirate Kelly you just to do You got someone put on time out on a boat

You know what he wasn't married. He didn't like it. You can't We go is never married it was a The condor is in the building Who's that? What's up? It's ava Jerry Seinfeld I have a female bad that Jerry Seinfeld Avacameer Good for everybody.

Love's Avocamere. If you don't love Avoc, there's something wrong with you. Avocamere. It's Robert. All right. Well, no, I'm really fucking put the breaks on the breaks. We were literally ending the podcast. All right, this she is.

Yeah. Swing that leg. Avocamere. Avocamere. Say hi to everybody. Hi. Hi. Come on, get on the show.

You're spoken in a microphone. If you've ever been to the comedy cello, which is the best club everybody i get on the show i think if you have ever been to the comedy sell which is the best club in the country you know if it's against standup new york i know they have way millions of people that are well they have six hundred sixty nine thousand if you have a lot of the comedy seller it if you upstairs in the all of tree cafe

all the artwork is original artwork and it's done by Ava. Yeah. It's the most amazing paintings and sketches. It's unbelievable. And I'm lucky enough to have one at my house. She has a Chikamia charcoal drawing, which is one of my favorite things I have in my house. And she's amazing. She's a beautiful, one of the most beautiful human beings I've ever known in my life.

Unbelievable. If she's an intricate, intricate part to what the comedy's sell. People wonder why comics come here. It's because of the family that lives here. And she's, you know, one of the main people in that family. You've never known that nice about Nome ever. Well, look, Nome is a piece of that pie, but it's not the it's not the happy go lucky piece. Would you are knowing the crust? Bobby just called you crust, but how's this though? No, I'm you just called him crust. Without the crust the pie falls apart. That's true

How's all about how do the crust you need the crust? He is a crust and listen And you can't body can't act like he hasn't worked in a ton of pie analogies before I literally wanted to take you so long to come up with a fat joke. He is the hey, let me tell you someone No, man. No listen, no, it's fast, okay, but he is the fastest when it comes to a fat show No, listen to me the fastest. What was the one you did about my kid? I said some about my kid Max is already in solid food only six months in solid food What was the one you did about my kid? I said something about my kid. He texted me and he said, Max is already in solid food. Only six months eating solid food.

I write, what a surprise. He goes, Kelly, a Kelly already eating. I love to recall it a Kelly. Like it's like a family thing. Yeah, your family crest is just a pie. I don't think so. But, uh, Ava, uh, Ava, Yeah, your family crest is just a pie But I've a We go you take it off. I love you so much So yeah, if you guys come down now you guys know when you come to the cellar look around be aware of all the the artwork

The beautiful artwork is done by this beautiful person. I've who is one of my favorite people in the world And then there a lot of weightages in the world. Mine too, the jog. This is why I love Dan has never really been this mean to me, but now that he's here, really? I write flat face. Hey, maybe if you would have let me tell my story about my prostate exam. Now it's a prostate, because it was a finger in the ass for fucking an hour and a half. Now, it's a prostate exam.

Oh, but when you leave it, we'll return to being a finger in the ass. So anyway, so I'm getting railed out. No. Have you had your prostate examed? Yeah, of course. How many times? Half dozen.

Talking to the mic. Half dozen. Half a dozen? What are you gay? Why do you have it done more than five? Half dozen. Can I get the number nine? I have it every year whether I need it or not. I don't like how you set it like a slutty girl. You get more than five less than ten.

Half it doesn't. Yeah, once you get to be over 40 it's basically every year every time you have a physical thing. Really? Yeah. I'm excited. I can't wait. I gotta get mine. I'm 43. It's horrible. I thought it was, why? It's just, it's unpleasant. Yeah, why? You know what, doctors do it different ways. Some, some make you sit on your back.

Some of the, I do the stuff. Some make you, some make you come, some down. Do you get on the side? Do you get on the side? Do you get on the back? And some are rough and some aren't. I do do the stuff. I feel like the ones who are rough are actually

probably doing a more thorough job. Yeah, she was too quick. I was almost like, oh, she? Yeah, it was a she. Oh, wow. And what nationality was she did? She was, she was Eastern European Russian, I think. Ah, that's why I'm changing.

My guy kept munching my head into the pillow and calling me a hoar. Is that weird? Is that normal? Is that normal? I know. It's not pleasant. No, it's not fun. I had it done when I was in Juvejeel.

Oh, wow. Yeah, I'm, I know. Wait a minute, that was a horrible show. I said, I was in the air. Can I have a moment? Wait, can I say something? I remember going to the doctors, and this doctor's was in a house.

And he, and he, and he, Oh my God, you're making it worse. And it was at night time. It was at night time. Wait a minute, this is what made it weirder, it was at night. And it's weird, after the exam, all he muttered was, you're so gullible. But then he left.

I don't know, but the diagnosis was. There's a normal exam, I started with the last one. You got a process exam by Woody Allen. So, so. So, stare at the trains, Robert. It's stare at the trains. Wow. Where's the bandana? Right here. Oh, please, fuck, please take that and leave. Did you not read the letter?

You didn't read the letter the deal. No, I didn't. I'm now. Well, it's because you're as a stupid Give me a fuck. Give me to me. You're right. It's my fault because I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't up on the fucking news I I don't understand though you You've did they stick their finger both fingers in as it up finger one finger. Oh, he's not the other one asked for too large He said for funny things in two hours. I mean literally really good ones Nothing else. I didn't know his name. I really know. What is it Mike? Okay He's in San am New York. No, he's not he's a comedian. These are all comedians We don't they wanted to come on the show, but we didn't let them on. They were whatever.

Anyways, I remember a year ago when I did my physical, I asked for my prostate. I go, can you, should you check my prostate? And she went, no, not to your 50. Why would you check? Why would I do that? Because they changed it to 50. Is it weird that you took a look at it first?

I'm gonna wait another 10. You took a look at it first and then you took it. What did you say? No. Open his cheeks, she goes, ah, we'll wait. I'm going to wait another 10. This is, yeah, I would, I would, I would, I would clean up. Close it off like an old book. Did you have a clean asshole when you did it? Here's the funny thing. As like she like goes in and she, it's like she was so cold and mean about it.

Like she's like, lay on your side, pull your penstone. Oh, you couldn't wait to do this Russian accent. Yeah, I need a cool. As her finger is in my butt I'm like, when I retell this, I'm gonna nail your accent. And she was like, ah, that's a good thing. Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

She's like, you think you're from Brad neighborhood? You think these thick finger? And then she put to it. No, but she. Knuckles are like a knots in a band-ass. She's like winning real quick. Are you doing the alphabet? She lubed it up and then I felt her spread my butt cheeks and I was like Ah boy! And then I grabbed the and I was on my side and I had my heavy snow boots on so they were like

I just know boots on! Yeah, I know like clinging together. Can I just hang a little bit? Why did you take your fucking boots off? I don't know, I don't know. You're a real lady of the night. They're like my high heels. They really felt like they're, and then she just like, went in and I went, no, no, no, no, no. You started singing fucking grunge lips.

Oh, I'm sorry. And then she went in. Don't call me to her. Okay, okay, okay, okay. She goes goes was it she goes was eat the dead painful and I got it It was I didn't feel good and she's like let me test for blood And she goes your prostate she went like this Right as she walked in right cuz I

My butts just facing the door, and I got my snow boots on, and I'm in the feet. And I'm in the feet of a physician. And as she walked in, I just like, it was like waiting there, and we're trying to have like small talk, but I'm just waiting for it. So this is the dentist's office. Yeah, I want to be in my teeth once. You're trying to peel down your boner?

No, but I felt, and she started talking to me, I felt a be trying to peel down your boner. Oh, no, but I felt as she started talking to me I felt a fart like kind of I go now what happens because I'm not letting this thing go she gonna push it back up to wherever parts come from It would shoot around the sides of her fingers If I wanted to get my prostate check she'd have lube in one hand open my ass and go oh all right We don't need this yeah, well she put a bunch of lube on and the funny thing is she just gave me a stack of Dirty max to wipe my oh you wiped your own ass, but then I'm like having to talk with her Adam still wiping my ass

Yeah, I'm gonna men I go certain things okay. And she's like, yes, you're prostate fine. No, no, no. Did you have the prostate thing where they put, what is that called when they go in the machine that goes in your butt? A colonoscopy. A colonoscopy. I have to get that.

I've been putting it all in. I had one of those. You had one. You're gonna get one? Why are you putting it together? They have body systems? I'm actually thinking of not doing it. Why?

Because I don't know. You know, my father never went to the doctor. And then when he finally got cancer in his 70s, he probably had it for a couple of years and if he had known about it, he probably would have been miserable. I think about that sometimes too. Like go to the doctor, you find out,

and then you're like, I know the flip side is, they could catch her early and save you, you know, like, 20 years, but I don't know. I don't know. You know what I'm saying is wrong, but I'm. Because I'm the opposite, I want to know everything. I was like, I went in because I was having pain

and I talked to my doctor and she's like, maybe it's her prostate because I was like, I don't know, it feels like a shit came out weird and she's like, might be a prostate watch, come on in tomorrow, we'll check it and I was like, you just trying to get a finger in my butt. And then she did and she's like, might be a prostate watch, come on in tomorrow, we'll check it. And I was like, you just trying to get a finger in my butt. And then she did and she's like, your prostate's fine. I might have just- We were just trying to get a finger up your butt.

Yeah, and she's like, by the way, I did win the bet in the office. You got a tight A. She's put her finger up there. You're breaking guy code. Yeah, but this is from Girl Code. This was fingering, fr was fingering my butt hole. No, but then she was like, we got it, you know,

maybe they're gonna take a malpractice suit and guy court. Yeah. Well, it was the pain. It was, she thinks it was my diet from the last five days with just hot chicken barbecue sandwiches and Pepsi. And she's like, you need leafy greens. Tell Nome that we have a chat room going

because we're live uh... tell gnome we need live from the comedy seller back from the seller to back not gonna happen well you uh... oh you may maybe maybe doing we are gonna do the i'm thinking about not doing that too but with with excelsior nice

what do you know well yeah he's he's working on it what What the fuck? Hi, I don't know. You don't know you tired. You seem tired, buddy. So all those fingers, why don't you, why don't you bend over? Let us get an exam right now. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, go in the other room. Now that I'm there, now that I've done it.

Yeah, if I had pain, I would go to get, get it. That's why I did it. I was worried. I have, I have, I think, I think it might be Roy's, but I have a couple bumps. Is it one big bump? I don't know if you can push it back in. I don't know what big is.

Is it hurt? Is it in your asshole or is it outside your ass? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You don't know, hold on. You don't know if it hurts. It doesn't hurt.

It's probably not hurt. How are you bleeding? What is it? I don't know. I'm not your head hurt and it burned. You can wipe too hard. Well, they hurt when I sometimes it goes and not- No, no, no, I'm bleeding. What is it? I don't know Well, they hurt when I sometimes it go and I'm back on now they don't hurt you already said they don't hurt Well, sometimes they do does it take any sometimes when it's in like almost like it feels like it's bigger when you're taking a shit Yeah, you feel it more and then when I shit it's like in the shape of a tea Yeah, I can play the fact you swallowing Lego pieces again of a T. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Are you swallowing Lego pieces again? You need to go to the doctor. I'm supposed to have bumps in your ass. You know what? You need to go to the doctor. Don't say it with a smile. Are you lying? You're not supposed to have bumps in your ass?

No, I'm being honest. Really? You need to go to... That would get me to a doctor. Let's be honest. I was going to be honest with that first person. I would be able to focus on my podcast, my bum, some of my ass. The worst case in ass, I've ever seen.

You know, focusing on your podcast as it is. Just saying that I was scared of hell, that wouldn't scare the hell out of you. That's what scared me, that's what I got to figure in my butt today. That was fair. I wasn't scared, now I'm fucking scared. Talk to Dr. Steve. I got it, now I got to, well, well, it's a diver ticket lightish could happen. Diver ticketized thisitis is holes in your

front. Do you have you swalled any jacks recently? That's funny. That was a good doctor's death. All right, I'll get a check. I will. I told him that guitar is worth a thousand dollars. At least, yeah. He didn't believe that. Oh, that was a true. That's fucking true. That's a, oh my god, guitar. All these, all these instruments,

how much is that riot cast one or that's worth 14 cents? That's where the honky talk man smashing it on your head. What's that? This is a by famous guitarist guitar man. His name is Jose Rubio But it says in my 12th guitar made especially from a very good friend Minachem my father. Yeah, Jose Rubio 1964 I told you he came any other day and bumped his like I was like dude. That's a fucking Thousand it's a thousand dollar guitar. It's like thousands of dollars. What I said, but it's in bad shapes and none doesn't care This mandolars from 1918 really. It's crazy. I saw you jamming out a couple weeks ago downstairs

Did you hear me on the drums at the Here what you didn't hear what I did oh yeah, I told your wife about what? You didn't hear what I did. Oh, yeah, you're right. I told your wife about what? You talk about my wife You don't mind that I was talking to her. No, I don't but when will you talk you will you back up? If my wife banged you on the side, I would laugh my ass off. I Would love. Oh, yeah, I don't know what the hell love of known just had a huge piece and just just put it to show it. It would make me if I if I caught him with my wife, I'd walk in and go, you guys are fucking dinks. This is like a dare. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's not like you wanted to happen. I dare you. I double dog dare you. So last time he worked, we have that little pit orchestra on set. Yeah. So last time Robert threw a full hissy fit. Oh, okay. We're going to. No have that little pit orchestra on set. Because the last time Robert threw a full hissy fit. Oh, okay, Robert. No, that's not the first of all. I actually text messages to the guys. Listen, when Robert Kelly comes on tonight, get off stage, I watch.

I told them, I said to him, first of all, he puts a guy on stage with you facing the audience. Yeah, I'm the drummer. No, not on the drum. The drums in the fucking keyboard. The keyboards. So literally, he's looking out, as you're on stage, there's somebody else on stage looking on the drum. The drums in the fucking keyboard is the keyboard. So literally he's looking out as you're on stage

There's somebody else on stage looking at the audience. So you're looking literally. I'm watching the show and every I'm I keep looking at him because every time he moves I'm like, what is he doing? What's he going? Is he gonna put them I don't know what the fuck's going on? Okay, so I as I'm doing the show I keep telling I tell him keep your fucking head down Jesus I'm panicking about this last set because I forgot Robert was on the line up because he didn't call his evils and he had it afterwards.

And I'm like, what the fuck was that? On text messaging, tell Jere to get us a, there's no way to get them all. Can we create, I'm like this is going, you don't even know, like, let's full blown panic mode. I said, all right, there's no way to get them all just, we'll just roll the dice. I'll just talk.

Next thing I find out Robert actually gets off stage and starts playing the drums. He's actually using this. I think he said he ever had. The place goes crazy. I keep the moon. I'm comedy now. Yeah.

He came in to the cellar so fucking happy. He laid it, right? He sat down and usually he's like, fuck you. He comes down shitting and he sits down. He goes, I played the drums. I didn't say that. Yeah, you did. Everybody's like,

you're like, I played the drums at the Village Underground. You told me that at the table downstairs. I didn't say that. Yeah, you did. No, I didn't. Downstairs, where? At the seller,

after you're set at the Village Underground, you came and went, that's not true. I was eating, yes, it was true. I just like it and you whipped up. You bit it, you bit it, you bit it,

you bit it. So the question now is, what the fuck? Do you leave the drums there when you're on or not? Look at a new bit. Listen, no, here at first I'm not gonna do it every week. I'm not Rick Crowley. Hey, hello my baby.

Hello my doll and I'm care. You should get fucking Kevin Mini up there. If you need me. I don't care. I don't care. Doom, Doom, Doom, Doom, Doom, Doom, Doom, Doom, Doom, Doom. I did it. Listen, I was having a great set.

I was annihilating. But the dry, I was fucking with them. I was like a great set. I was annihilating, but I was fucking with them. I was like, you don't fucking look at me and fuck you too for being in the way. I'll fucking drum and he went, go ahead. And the crowd went, it was more of a fuck you when I do when I say fuck you to those guys for being up there, because they're a nuisance, right?

And then he was like, go ahead. And I was like, I, and the crowd went, do it. I was like, fuck you and I went and I did it. I was like, fuck you. And I went and I did it. But first of all, I was nor nervous as hell. If you, if anybody had a picture of my face, you'd hang it on your wall. Because I was just like holding the drumsticks like you. Did you play with two cops in prison?

Just fucking run. Did they jam with you? No, it's just me on the drum player jumped in. And the keyboard played jumped in. I have an idea. I have to look at it. I wasn't it wasn't good at all. It was I was just a rock. I've heard your play drums. Uh, no, you haven't. Yeah, I have. I know. I just like the audience love it. It was a I killed.

I just killed. It was a great set. But I don't mind. Look at you. Do whatever you want. I like Friday night was better because there's no fucking dude on stage. But I just need to create a look at it. Listen, I don't give a shit you leave them on a Joe club you do what you want this and this is badger than this is Vanger a lot of comedians like already Kevin mean yeah, I'll punch people yeah, well respected acts in the business already What is this purse from when you get this are you from

God, you got to the question though because you know, I'm right I don't want to bad mouth the people we work with that's also you go ahead Oh, that's a fucking brilliant move motherfucker That was fucking brilliant. Did you guys see that and here's the thing corporate Dan. I don't expect I see you dumb face We are shutting up cuz I'm already six steps ahead of you Robert. Yeah, mean he's a respected act. I can't remain he is yeah. And anyway, and and and other people. What about art?

And other people that you defend art. Listen, it's great when art. He does it. He uses it very well. And I'm I'm just being serious. He enhances the show a lot. But then from people I robber

who you know are trouble focusing and get bugged out by you know something that somebody on somebody on stage with you. Well it's in the dark and it's literally the the fucking stage is was perfect. It was literally a small stage just for us so we can go left to right. And I've hated the piano on stage at the comedy cell at all because the comedy is there's no need for a fucking piano on the stage. Nobody plays it. I think it's great what you you do the stage. I'm gonna send you another tape this week Nobody playing nobody playing too much. Let nobody plays it. You're not getting on here either No, no you were a father. I'm on the stage. I don't break don't do that I wanted a piano on stage. I don't breathe, don't do that.

True, don't, don't, don't, get you know what you're doing, look at your face. But it's true. Look at the camera, look at this fucking face. But it's true, my father wanted to, and number one, number two. I believe it's dying words, but don't move.

Catch the right of a star. I hate it, it's hate it when it was the best club in the country, catch always had. What happened to that club? Well, they went broke, but not bad. It was because of the piano. Everybody knows that. I told you father too, I didn't like the piano.

Colin doesn't like the piano. And no one likes Colin. He doesn't like the piano. Nope. No, wow. That's how they're doing. You guys are so. And there is the business people.

And there is the business. And there is the business. And there is the fucking podcast. Oh, you two and a half hours with my friends here. Okay. And there is the business and there is the fucking podcast. Two and a half hours with my friends here. The only one that I fucking give a shit about, what's your name again? Mike.

The only one that hasn't turned on me. You, you fucking traitor. Robert, I love piano zone stage. Is he being serious? Colin doesn't like the piano? I don't think so. Colin said it for. I want to pull you aside and say something.

But I don't give a shit, have whatever you want. At your stage, you're gonna do what you want. I'm gonna create a way for them to get off. I'm funny, I'm funny without it. Friday night I had a great set. Yeah, Friday night you killed. And then Saturday night I had a great set too. So whether you have a fucking...

Whether you have a guy up there or not, I don't give a shit. No, the truth is... The worst thing about having a guy up there, and you know this, I think, is that it's, it fucks with your head, your head. Well, no, because I see people looking at him, and that fucks with my head. What I need you to just focus on me. Standup comedy is about the one person on stage.

It's a little stage with a light and one microphone and a person, that's it. There's no music. There's no horse shit. And then when you do agree with you on that, though, thank you. There's a light flicker. You're a real ass fucking dude. You know what? You know what, dude? I get the same way when I'm on my stage and I've been I see other guys who I work with who nothing faces them. Yeah, but comedy is such a sensitive. for. And it bothered, but I know I'm my own worst enemy. Right.

I wish I could just tune it out, but I can't. Right. Comedy is too sensitive. There's like a flickering light in the room where the dish drops, that'll take everybody out of the moment. Yeah. It's about that moment.

And also the truth is, if it's fucking with you and it's taking you out of the moment, that's gonna fuck with the before. Here's a deal. I'm gonna, no, no. Yeah, go ahead. You're gonna use that. Maybe we had it. I thought maybe we put him on this Saturday.

Oh, that was good. What do you, how do you feel now? You know what, dude? I think the piano's great. I think we should have a dancer in the background, actually. Oh man, dude. I'm so into it. In all seriousness, I consider myself pretty sensitive

to this stuff, and I watch it. The light is down, and you really forget the guys there. And you were looking at them, I don't think people look around. Look, I will fucking out there, Dan. Yeah. Dan is gonna say, it can't ask Dan. Dan is gonna say whatever you,

the most important person in the room. I had to figure out he's butt today, I had to be a butt real. Yeah, I've been brought down to earth. Look, there's no club owner in the world that I've ever experienced that gives a fuck about the show from front to back more than you. So I agree with you. I understand that you obsess over it.

I don't need those guys there. You know, who's idea was it? My father's. If you fucking sad face me again, will you dead father? He always wanted that that I swear to you so it but did he want did he do it while he was alive uh... no he wasn't a we were born a table weren't able to and sell it was too small

right so you so this is a dream if your father's dream always liked it catch so your father's dream to just to put a piano guy on stage well for many years the mc was uh... there i mean be better if they could fly off dream, just to put a piano guy on stage. Well, for many years, the MC was there. I mean, it'd be better if they could fly off. Yeah. They can if they're already. He gets up there. But then when you see certain things that go on there,

like when Arty does his meringue, I think, and Kevin Meaning for time, and other lights of Gina used it. Yeah. And it actually some nice things happen there with those guys. Gina used it once. Gina? No, she used it every set. So no, she does it all the time. Every set with those guys. Gina used it once. Gina? No, she used it every set. So no, she does it all the time.

Every set she does down there, she does it. Guys, my father wanted another drink. And that's why he died. So we'll move forward. No, too sad. But I mean, I would like to say the money is not, it's not like I need them there. It's not, I think, how's this?

I think if it, it's just a weird setup too, it's like some guy in a fucking drummer in a, well you don't see the drummer really. Yeah, but he's there, you see him, but it's weird. And then the guy's on stage. It's the only weird thing. The only weird part for me is you have to get on stage. Where are you going?

Okay, it's hard enough. He's had enough. You get on stage from the opposite end of the stage. I hate that. But it just is weird because you have to walk through the audience after you said that's the only word for me. You have to walk through the audience. The audience?

40th. Like after you're set, you have to walk by and like, Hey, that's what it is. But I made the best of it. But I wasn't I wasn't pandering to I was fucking with them. Just know that I was still being true to myself. Still I told him I go bow your head. OK, but in a minute, and he was fucking want me back.

But in a career when you, over time, you have set up to set up to set and it becomes difficult to even remember them in your mind. You had a very memorable set that you'll always remember that you wouldn't have had otherwise. Because of me. Yeah, because of you. Because it was, you know, because I took, I took something, I took something, I took something that was, that I do a stupid that I thought was dumb and I made it and I did something with it. I get it. I'm just saying that's such lead singer mentality here like I took some shit and I turn it into art. I'm the lizard game Robert Kevin. It's like fucking what kind of megalomania acts like you can get this shit and I turn it into art.

So I'm gonna drink myself in this blanket I got a fucking go we gonna wrap this up We weren't supposed to talk about your asshole. No, thanks for coming on and we'll hear about the comedy seller soon Yeah, okay, I say what an awesome building this is upstairs Robert Colise pocket downstairs Louis Yeah, my CK show I mean it's around the corner, Rick Rome is doing his comedy. It really is. I'm telling you, we came here for brunch on Sunday, me calling and the wife with Max.

And I loved it. I went downstairs and there's Rick Rome in his little class. And I love that it's not this dead space during the day. There's literally just this fucking constant creation of stuff happening with comics. It's a community. I think we created a real community. Like I was talking about, the family here created this community where comics can go and not only do stand up, do stand up with fucking, fucking organ guys on stage.

But take shit and turn it into art, dude. That's what she's like. Yeah, it really is. The Louis shooting downstairs, we're doing a podcast upstairs and crumbs around the corner. And another couple hours, we're gonna be doing fucking sold out shows.

Yeah, I'm leading off the eight o'clock. It's fucking up. Congratulations, though. Gonna go to the happy. I'm very happy. Do you love it? Yeah, of course I love it I got a lot on my mind Do you think your father would be happy my father would be I always tell us it is like he would he would be like

Ten times haper than I am about it really he was able to get Joy out of it that I'm not able to get. Your dad has my favorite quote at the beginning of comedian, where he goes, it's a certain compulsion amongst stand-up comedians to get on stage. And you see Jerry Walker and Sherrod's like, ah, like a young Sherrod small looking back. That's like my favorite part of the movie. Yeah, that was the opening.

Yeah, the opening, it was awesome. If you've ever seen comedians. I have, it's a great movie. That's up before the comedy, then I just watched it. Same exact thing to me. I just watched it, just's a great movie. That's up before the comedy, then I just watched it. Same exact thing to me, I just watched it. I watched it before I ever started comedy, and I remember watching it, and I was just really into Seinfeld,

because I was a huge fan of the show, so it was like, oh, that's so interesting what he does after that. And I didn't really give a shit about Orny's story, it just didn't mean anything to me. And now watching it now, like literally everything Orny was crazy. He's like, he's exactly what I did this year. And now watching it now, like literally everything Orange getting his mind in 29. He's exactly what I did this year. I'm like, and the sign felt part, you're almost like,

oh, crime me a river. Is it hard to write jokes after your fucking sad part? This, but then this thing, like this that with Orange, I'm just like, yes. And he's like, it's like, it's like being in Montreal, like it didn't go that good. I'm like, I want to talk about a fucking Megalamaniac. How did it go from his dead father being the happiest

he's ever been because all his dreams came true? I thought we were over that. He's fucking weird. Dude, I get it. To his parallels with Ornie Adams. Hey, let's keep this up. Touching ass girls to another machine. I get what Ornie went through.

Yeah, push it to you fucking ego. That's what I want to listen to in Ornie Adams. I thought it was the thing about perspective. I want to hear an Ornie Adams sympathizer. That's what I want to listen to for the I thought it was the thing about perspective. I want to hear him I want to hear an orny Adam sympathizer That's what I want to listen to the next Do you know? All right, and all services do you sympathize with him at all when you watch that movie? No, not at all because everything he says we are on a fucking three-hour show We're gonna show no for our show for STs downstairs

That's his heel. That's how we get him to come down. Estes downstairs. Estes downstairs. That's good. Everybody's so scared of Estes as they should be. They should be. See you at home. Guys, thank you so much for coming on. What do you got, buddy? Just follow me on Twitter at Comic-Dave Smith. Okay. That's all my stuff there. Okay. March 6th. Co-headlining. Caroline's at 930. Yeah, follow me on Twitter at Comic Dave Smith. Okay. That's all my stuff there. Okay. March 6th, co-headlining Caroline's at 930. Boom. Yeah, follow me on Twitter. I am like, you know.

That's a Wednesday, right? It's a Thursday. Whoops. You have a co-bred doubt series? That's brutal. At danceodor.com. And March, I'm going to be in Denver, San Francisco, and Madison, Wisconsin. All right.

Check it out. What do you got? Go to my website, Kelly for SturkerSucks.com. No, that's his website. It's really my website. That's really his, what a fucking dink. Yeah. Yeah.

That's great. And Jesus. It doesn't realize that I'm going to win. We can do whatever he wants. We're going to win in a talent show probably, Kelly. You do it every month. Will you stop? Just give you a plug. Follow me on Twitter at Louis Shagom is me and Bobby got a show some shows coming up in Rhode Island this month Yes, we do plug that the 19th and 20th at

Red Fucking comedy could comedy connection and probably throw it island also me and scope are going on. I'm headlining Joker's wild the first week in the May me the best pizza in the world down the street. Yeah Bobby to me on Frank Pepe's piece. Give it to Frank Pepe's no we're gonna take a ride there someday someday me and you'll drive there It's literally an hour and a half from where we live we need to go to Frank Pepe's I'm gonna go off the fucking no sugars No grain we all do a one day for one day do a Frank Pepe's pizza. It's an out. It's a new heaven It is the best. Make sure you go.

I would bring home pizzas, but they're not gonna be like, you have to be fresh. You can't bring them home, you gotta eat me and fresh. You gotta, in the winter, what you do is you order it to go, go out in the car, open it up on the hood, ain't it right there? That's what I, you said the same thing and I did that and it was the greatest part.

The greatest thing ever, because the cold air cools the pizza off perfectly. Yeah, really good pizza. Oh, the best. So have fun there. All right, and don't forget hammer fish. I don't think no matter what he gets in the supermarket. I'm just checking right outside. He's right here. It's great. He's the car's full of chicken smell. I think you get anything you want. He's going right in your car. You started eating it. All right, all right. I told you he's fucking fast with the fat jock. Kelly. What do you got besides? Oh my god tits? I'm just for um, I've got a few things coming up. Just follow my schedule on Califastiga.com and

Follow me on Twitter Califastiga. I want to know what these few things are. I don't know, but I hope they have to do with their boobs Your boobs are crazy awesome. Good for you, man. Good for you. She with it look it she got fake one yeah look let me see let me see I'm done she's done she's just got fatter just got fatter they're just small ones

she went on vacation she came back to Greg I think Kelly you look the best you've ever looked thank you Bobby I feel the best of a great great good for you and she's making out with married guys I didn't mean it I think Kelly looks good feels gross look at gnomes I've well you want to get on to the club. That's what you do Do you mind performing with a drummer? What do you do? I asked you I said do you have a girlfriend after we've been talking and floating for a while I'm a girlfriend. I'm like cool. You want to make out and we made out and then later on when it came to numbers I went to write my number on his head. Do I do this to the story again? All right. Yeah

First of all, you got to get the context. She had just crushed to the talent show. Yeah. And she's on that hot ring. I've been asked all the right because you guys are calm. I don't write on my arm. My wife will say it. And he's showing me his wedding ring. I didn't even notice it.

You know what to see if there was a wedding ring? No. That was pretty drunk. No, I didn't see it. It doesn't matter. Yeah. I asked him. Shut up.

Everybody. No, no. You go to the Comedy Cellar, the best club in the world. It really is. I'm gonna start doing a promo for the seller on the show. I wanna get one. Can we have Rick Crome, do one?

Does he have one? No. We should get Rick Crome. I wanna use start using Rick Crome to do promos for the show. He's the best. But go to thecomedyseller.com. I mean, it's the best club in the city. You know where it is. It's on McDougal Street 117 McDougal upstairs.

And then right around the corner, if you can't get in at the original comedy seller, they got the exact duplicate, which is a little more comfortable, bigger, same show, same comics right around the corner at the village underground comedy seller at the village underground. It's unbelievable. I mean, we're literally running. It reminds me of when comedy was comedy when I was coming up, when it was, I'm doing a show at the seller running over the underground, doing a show at the seller going back to the underground, running back. I love that. It's fucking awesome. I love it It's 45 minutes apart Bobby's been a little dramatic. Oh, this what just the running forget it bad joke give me the bandana Graham

Just plug yourself make you follow Yeah, Joker's while with Lewis and me. Okay, great. You seem really excited about it Yeah, I'll be in the next reggaeton video bouncing his big butt What do I got what do I got February 13th 14th 15th? You're in the improv in Atlanta, Georgia. Yeah, yeah 21st and 22nd at a comedy connection when Providence wrote Island with real-ass dude with Lewis. Yeah There'll be a real-ass show motherfuckers come out

March 6th you're at the rebel rebel resort in Atlantic City. Yeah, seventh you're at the Bushnell Theater in Hartford Connecticut 28th and 29th you're at March 28th 29th you're at Uncle Vinnie's and point pleasant. Yeah, and then April 18th He's coming back home Boston the little bit theater kid. Yeah Let's see it again. Yeah Tell the world I'm coming I'm so, so, so I'm back where I belong Got it made so strong, huh? But then back to that damn part You've been listening to YKWD Podcast

Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs Shitty jobs, shitty jobs, shitty jobs Check Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face.