Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Full Immersion | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #38

Episode Date: June 4, 2025

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss crime rates in Arube vs Jamaica, Luis’ Europe tour, horror movies, Elon Musk, the UFC being boring now, Luis’ origin stories, Regz Sketchez, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607  SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/  Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez  Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedyhttps://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/  Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  LucyGet 20% off first order w/ code “REGZ” RidgeGet up to 40% off with code REGZ Small Batch CigarUse code REGZ10 for 10% off plus 5% rewards Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Feel a mistake, my weakness, for kindness. People are like, you're a really nice guy. I'm like, I fucking hate you. I don't know how to express it. I've got friends for like 25 years. They're like, you're always there for me. I'm like, I don't want to be. I really very much dislike you.

Do women think they need wingmen? Ladies, if you want to have sex with a guy, just let him know. He will do it. Even if he's married with children, he'll be like, oh, yeah, yeah, okay, sure. These people that do the live special, what a bunch of nitwits, you know? I can do it, I can do it. No one's ever gonna see that.

Have the special open with them. Get yourself a ticket to a C-section, you gotta see it. It's like a magic trick, because you don't have a baby, and then they put up a big curtain, and then they're like... Blah! And then you're like, whoa! Whoa! Whoo!

I thought labor was like, gah! Like, shitting blood and crying the whole time. My wife was asleep for, like, 14 of the 22 hours. I had to sleep in a chair upright. -♪ This is cinema. We'll cut all this. We'll put this right on the cutting room floor. What's up everybody? Welcome it's the regs.

We got Joe Liz, Dan Soda, Louis J Gomez and me Bobby Kelly, the dude. My favorite thing is when anyone texts us outside of our group friends asking a question about Louis you know like whether it be like skank for us or something, they always spell it wrong or forget the J and it always makes me laugh. I don't care. It always brings me. What? Yeah.

You dropping the J? Yeah. Why are you dropping? I don't know. No, no, no, no, no. I'm moving on. Story. You're not allowed to drop the J. No, I'm never dropping the J. You bullied us into acknowledging

it. Yeah. I got presents. Whoa. Barely any presents. Okay. Then you won't get yours. I meant presents. P-R-E-S-E-N-S-T-E. No, no, we got it. We got it. No, he didn't get it. He definitely got it. No, I got it. I'm not giving you a present because you said it. No, can I have my present please? No. He brought this back from Aruba. I just want one present. He got you a clump of Natalie Holloway's hair. If it's a bucket hat, keep it. I can give you a bucket hat. I don't want a fucking bucket hat. It's not from-

Jesus, Joe. Is it Cuban? That's the meanest I've ever seen Joe. Is it Cuban? He goes, don't bring me a- That's for you. Yoo-hoo! Look at that.

Look at those fucking boobs. Woo-hoo! Hi. Only five? You got cigarettes? I'll do this. Yes, dude. You're such a child.

No, I don't smoke cigars. You pothead, I got you. That's from, that's Dutch chocolate, baby. Yeah, fuck yeah it is. That's real shit. Pass the Dutch on the left hand side. That's some real shit. Some real shit, baby.

I only see four in there. I'm gonna eat the fuck out of that. No, there's more than four. I got, I mean, I can't even. You got some in the back, stupid. You're gay for shoving a cock-sized thing in your mouth. You're in the back, in the back, in the back. Look at this.

In the back, there's some in the back. Are you really? This looks like a lot more. Damn. Because yours is in the back. In the back. Look at this. In the back, there's some in the back. Are you really? Looks like a lot more. Damn. Because yours are in the back. Are his better? No, yours, you're the equal. They're just different.

Right. I mean you got. Putting Bobby in the middle, he goes, there's enough, fine. No, no, no, no, don't do that. You're a fucking thin-fingered piece of shit. You pop it open. Look, I gave you, what I gave you in the back,

I gave you one of these. Whoa. Those are dog walkers. Damn. In between shows. I gave you, what I gave you in the back, I gave you one of these. Those are dog walkers. They're between shows. I gave you. You gotta get some dog walkers? Yeah, you got a couple dog walkers. I got dog walker joints. Oh, so it's.

You got. That's right, motherfucker. Dog walker joints. You got a Lansero tattoo on your face. Sponsor me, dog walker. Foundation. Into your microphone, Bob. You've been broadcasting for 48 years.

Yeah, but has it gone? what are we talking about here? you think me talking with the mic is gonna hurt the show? are they? by the way we were broadcasting when radio guys were only allowed to play new tracks oh I love the Jaime Garcia I went to high school with a guy named Jaime Garcia some of my favorite guys you're gonna love those

he bullied me what if it's him? freshman football same guy? He was very funny. You must smoke my cigar then. He didn't have an accent, that would've been cooler. Jaime Garcia's gotta have an accent. He's just a dude from Colorado.

I was trying to point or do into doing a fun little character. No. Is he good? No, I'm not. Yeah, I'll do it. We're doing bits already. Yeah, I know, you're doing bits together.

We're fucking doing objects together. We're just sitting here looking at cigars. You guys watch us do bits, that's how the show goes. Yeah. I'm expressing gratitude for my gift. He says something to you, you go off in 10 minutes, and me and you do this. I go into my...

And the fans go, yay! I go in my autistic little hole, and I do my voice. Gratitude for the gift, attitude for the show, Joe. Here we go. Thank you, Robert, I appreciate it. You got it, buddy, I'm glad you like it. You'll enjoy them, and think of me when you smoke them, and when you have go. Thank you, Robert. I appreciate it. You got it, buddy. I'm glad you like it. You'll enjoy them and

think of me when you smoke them. You have your chocolate, you and Katie. I want to think of you when I smoke this tiny one because of my dick, right? What's up? body brain. Smart. I thought of that without Ashwagandha. Oh my God. That lion's mane really fucking goes through my veins. How was Aruba? It was the best vacation I've ever been on and I almost I was looking at houses. Really? I wanted to take over a ruby.

I was like a ruba bob sounds. Oh, a ruba bob. It just sounds like you have a study starter though. I have the design. I have the hat, the big, the big hat. Why don't we open up a fucking comedy club somewhere? They're all four of us because in a third world country, it's cheap as fuck, dude. God, I cannot imagine collaborating anymore with you guys once a week. The way that I see gratitude for the cigars, attitude for the podcast.

Yeah. Well, he had a little attitude for the cigars at the beginning when he thought I gave you more. I was doing a bit. That's a bit we're doing. We do bits. Yeah. We a bit. That's a bit? We're doing it. We do bits. Yeah.

Everyone's laughing. We do bits. We do bits. You do SNL. We do immersive podcasting. It's fucking virtual. You set this retune up for a whole fucking monologue. You have to put goggles on to enjoy our bits.

Put the goggles on. We're about to rip. A rhubarb. A rhubarb. A rhubarb is better. A rhubarb? You can do it in Jamaica. What about Jamaica J?. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba.

Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba.

Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba.

Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. Aruba. comedy club and he goes, all right, just fucking, please leave me alone. He takes your wife? Sarah Oz-Oz, now you do it. We could do it, too.

Tell him to do it. I can't point guard like you, go. So imagine the Jamaican, I took his wife, he goes, this one belongs to me now. You really are a good point guard. I'm a great point guard. If you think about it, you know my wife getting fucked by an Islander

is good point guarding that I'm magic Johnson I mean with this show be anything without Danny's retarded autistic laugh in the back When one really hits him Jamaica Joe's right great name for a fucking Jamaican comedy club. Now, what about Danish Dan? You can't have comedy in Jamaica. In Daneland? Danish, Danish Dan?

Denmark? Yeah. That way it's white people coming to the club. Oh, there you go. Luxembourg Louies. Whoa. The show wasn't funny. They don't have a Louie.

I wasn't getting any of this shit. Dude, Jamaica stinks. It's dangerous. You're an idiot. It's dangerous. You're an idiot. It's dangerous Yeah, they're all dangerous. If you go off the resort you fucking yeah Aruba 2% crime rate. You can go anywhere you want Yeah, exactly. That's what you want to do comedy with regular fucking people. Yeah, but no, you know, that's not true You want to do a comedy amongst the fucking savages. No, you don't audience. They need to fucking be sharpening fucking machetes with their teeth. It's like

Your audience is fucking us. They're just overweight fucking dudes with tattoos. I mean, it's true. So does your audience. But your coffee's good. Thanks. I think you're being sarcastic. No, I wasn't.

You haven't tried it yet, you cocksucker. They don't know that, you fucking dumb salesman. Sell it. Sell it. I'm sorry, edit. Bob tried it, he loved it. I drank it during my special that comes out Friday on YouTube at 8.30 p.m. Eastern. Dude, I drank it when I was in Aruba

and it made my vacation better. Wow. The vacation was the best vacation ever. Here's why, you ready? I figured out how to do a good vacation. If you, you have a family. Max murdered a local girl? No, Max, no, Max every day would take a 4.30, 5 o'clock break

back in the room. Oh, of course he would. Hey, I'm gonna go relax a little bit, okay. Yeah, he will, he is. He wasn't lying. Thank God I got a little suite. His own little section. Yeah, you go paint the walls in there,

you little savage. But, uh. Little fucking pervert. One day on, one day off. What's that mean? Activities, jet skiing one day. Oh. Next day. Smart.

Nothing. You finally figured out the smart. Next day, nothing. You finally figured out the rhythm. Next day, we rented the four-wheeler, went over to the desert, let Max drive too. He was driving on the, dude, he got behind the wheel and just fucking was flying. Yeah, but that's also, he comes back in a neck brace. And he goes, I didn't see that bump. Got one of those halos on. Like, dad?

I like that. You just find the fucking car down the road with a note from a fucking local. A Ruben, I took him. He is my baby now. It's not fucking Jamaica. There's crime in Jamaica, you don't know the crime to say. You said 2%, but I feel like you pointed directly at-

2%, 2%. Louis is defending it like he's from Jamaica. Paco, bring it up, Aruba's crime rate, 2%. Paco, if you brought you to Aruba, you would actually sleep on the beach, just so you know. What does 2% mean? That means that no crime. There's no crime.

2% crime, what is that? 2% of the people get robbed? There's no crime in Aruba. No, I agree. Can you say that you- Guys, hold on. Someone make up- Hold on, Louis.

Louis. Why do you have to use that touch technique? Someone clearly told Bobby that the crime rate was 2%. Boom, right there, look it, right there. Aruba has relatively low crime rate, particularly compared to other Caribbean islands, Jamaica. Violent crimes against tourists is rare, and the island is generally considered safe for travelers.

However, petty theft like pickpocketing and press snatching does occur once in a while. And not that- You didn't say once in a while, Bobby added the once in a while. They don't know that in a while. Bobby added the once in a while. They don't know that. You added it now. Your coffee is the best.

But I just want to say, we're not questioning. We're not questioning that. You're making me angry. We're not questioning if Ruba is safe. We are aware that Ruba is safe. We're questioning what 2% means, if anything. I need to stop both of you. You're making me angry, deserves something.

It deserves something. It deserves something. It deserves something. We gave it everything it deserved. It got in this great world that God's built. Well, I'm trying to deflect off this 2% hold. What does that mean? It's a reference to milk. 2% means fucking one white girl dies every 50 years.

Dude, crime is real skim there, you know what I'm saying? It's pasteurized. What's the percentage of New York? What's our crime rate? Dude, a lot of crime. 60%. 60% of what? 60% of fucking black people commit crimes in New York. I don't know. It's way more than that. What are you talking about? Go to the crime rate in Jamaica now mon. You can't get off. They kill each other. They don't touch the doors. You can't go off the fucking reservation. I do every time. It's not a reservation. Because you look like a fucking criminal.

You look somebody like Seagal would fight in a movie. Seagal, sick reference. I thought he said cigar. I said cigar will fight. Murder rate was 53 for 100,000 people. Are you crazy? That's not bad. It's crazy.

That's crazy. That's one of the highest in the world. Also note there's no revolution happening. And it's an island. This is regular. It's not even that big. It's murder rate is among the highest in the world. Fuck your Aruba.

Recent declines, there's been a 90% reduction in murders in 2024. Because you left the island. That was in 2022, dickhead. Now it's declining. Yeah, by how much? And a 7% decline in 2023. Major crimes have also decreased by 21%.

This is why. This is how Lewis. Just making me angry. And with that, and with that, it's still a fucking bananas murder rate. What does it say? Police shootings with a 150. Yeah, they killed the murderers.

152% increase between January. That's why crime's going down because the cops are murdering the murderers. You're fucking nuts. You're crazy. Don't go to Jamaica. That's how Louis gets rid of gas digital employees. He goes to the island and comes back with two less.

Feed them to the island. Aruba is the best island. And it was fucking great. But we should do a show. We could do a reg show in Aruba. That would be a great trip. People that don't know who we are are not gonna like us just talking over each other,

me and Dan doing bits that you guys aren't listening to. They're full immersion experiences. Listen, Aruba. Immersive experiences. There's the best part about this. They're not bits. They're full immersion.. Listen, Aruba. Immersive experiences. Here's the best part about this. They're not bits. They're full immersion. It's full of immersion.

Voices, noises. Here's the great part about Aruba. It's all mostly Boston, a lot, I'll say a lot of. Boston and New York. Yeah, baby. So it's all of our fans. You know how many fucking regs people, I'm working out at the gym.

Hey dude, big fan of the regs. I was in the ocean, some fat guy. Dude, I listened to the regs every day. many fun. It was a whale Bobby speaking whale again He loves the regs dude They make the click noise under the water You came to the top Guys, I haven't I have a new helicopter that I figured out. No, this is big. Wait, hold on. Hold on, don't just throw it out there.

Have a little buildup. Wait, hold on. That sounds like a fart. That's shit. You just shit your pants. This shit is my whale. Sounds like your lips smacking together. That's pretty good.

No, it's terrible. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You gotta give us a scenario, because this different- If I was doing a helicopter traffic. It sounds like an accurate. I'm up here. Is that a helicopter coming scenario, because this different- If I was doing a helicopter traffic. It sounds like an accurate. I'm up here- Is that a helicopter coming in, going out?

What's the scenario? This'll pass, how does a helicopter pass? Here's Bob, here's Bob acting like he knows about fucking helicopter flight patterns. Buddy, I fucking have my license. You do not have your license. Dude, Billy Burr made me get the license. You're just lying, you're saying things right now.

Because I'm touring with him this year. And he said, you gotta get a license dude, if you wanna be touring with me bro, because I'm taking helicopters. No, you gotta get a license dude, if you want to be torn with me bro, cause I'm taking helicopters. No, you added something. It sounds like one of those, one of those, one of those, the swamp boats with the giant fan on the back. Hoverboard? Is that what it's called? Or a hovercraft? What are they called?

No, it's not a hoverboard. Fan boat. Fan boat. Fan boat. Fan boat. Something that he doesn't have. I don't have a boat? You don't have a boat? None of us have boats.'t have a boat. I have six. Don't fight it. Just take it. I have a fleet. How are you ruined it? You ruined it. You have a fleeting career. Whoa. He has a very, let me tell you something. I like Dan Soda. He's on the upswing

right now. Dan Soda is very confident in his career because I watched a video this weekend of him trashing Rogan. He just brought it up. I brought it up to him. And Dan said he didn't want He's on the upswing right now. Dan Sona is very confident in his career because I watched a video this weekend of him trashing Rogan. Yeah, he just brought it up. I brought it up to him. Body. And Dan said he didn't want to talk about it on the show. Well, no.

Here we are. I said I got to stop trashing people. What was I trashing? The club? You weren't trashing. Him, the club, all of his fucking sycophants. Well, the sycophants we all make fun of. Yeah.

Yeah, but here's the thing. They were actually talking about me and Joe because we were like, we love the club. We love Rogan. And they were like, these two fucking ass kisses. It's like, Oh, I'm sorry. You guys, but we're doing, but we're doing bits. First of all, I don't care. I love the club and I love Joe. It was good for me. It's good. Let's bring them to the mothership. Everyone put your goggles on. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, we're walking in. A little thing, Austin used to be a little different.

I, the ball, I- It's a great club. Yeah, I had fun at the club. I- And the hang is great, and I'll tell you why. Here's why. I disagree. They give you two options.

You can open the green room, or you can keep it closed. When it's your weekend, I completely agree. They literally say, this is your the green room or you can keep it closed. When it's your weekend, I completely agree. They literally say this is your fucking green room. And by the way, I love Adam. What's the video? I want to know what the video is. Oh, that is great.

They made me and Joe look like fucking pussies when we were kidding. Dance Order calls out Rogan Yes Men. Yeah. And this is all us. And this is not, but it's a bunch of different clips. It's a 10 minute video. All right, we don't need to watch a 10 minute video. It's a bunch of clips of you being like a rogue

Fuck Rogan Fucking elk meat suck my dad. I like turkey well first off You guys were all sitting here laughing when we were making fun of the fucking what we love Rogan we love fucking What's up, Rogan? Man is nice. He's been very, very nice. I wish he was here right now. The nicest. He's the nicest. Liking pictures of his fucking elk meat is gay as fuck.

What if you like elk meat? You don't like elk meat. I love fucking elk meat. What if you want to stay in his good graces? Finally some honesty from Joe. No, I like his politics the best. I do too. Yeah, I just, I feel like we've won.

I like how in touch he is with the average man. That's my favorite part about Rogan. He's just like one of us. I'm there for the riffing. I love the riffing. Dude, I think what he did, he could have fucking been making so much money He sent the elevator back down and it was made of gold

What analogy was that? I got it from Kevin Spacey, but it didn't work Boo you can't get an analogy bomb bandana brother of that one. You sure can fuck is that the first analogy bomb might be Maybe let me try it again, dude. He sent the first analogy bomb? Might be. Maybe. Let me try it again. Dude, he sent the elevator down and it was made of diamonds and pearls. Listen.

Diamonds and pearls. I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You send the elevator down. Some people, my point is, some people are, hey, yeah, come, and they'll pay you all right money. Like Shane, another one. Shane is fucking amazing of what he pays his...

Louie does that too, right? Louie, yeah. I pay them okay. I mean, we pay him. I'll kick him back a hundred dollars. I'll get him a podcast for a couple months. I'll buy him lunch. Gentlemen, let's take a quick moment

and thank Small Batch Cigars for supporting the show. We love Small Batch Cigars. Just what a great company, what a great product. If you don't know it, it's just an easy way to go and order cigars online. They come super fresh with Boveda packs. The packaging is super thorough, and they have everything you want.

If you guys, no matter what cigar you're looking for, they're gonna have it, but they have a bunch of great cigars that you probably never even heard of. I had one last night on my balcony, dream come true, sun setting, put the baby down, went on the balcony, I cracked open my small batch pack, and the hardest part of it was just figuring out which one choosing which one. Yeah, I was like, oh, this looks great. This looks, that's a fun part of it, dude.

When you get a whole package of them and you get to just try different things, things you've never tried before, we have different personality types. That's fun for you to me. I'm like fuck, you have anxiety, so shove it in your ass. I did. I fucking smoked off five of them, but yeah, no, they're a David off Davida Dave Dove,ff, Hall of Fame, Reagular. Oh, what? All you gotta do. They're Greg Rogel.

All you gotta do is use code REGZ10, one zero. That's the discount code. You get 10% off plus 5% rewards points at smallbatchcigar.com. This is one of those ones where you have it as a sponsor in your podcast and then you keep using it. A lot of these places, they send you this stuff. No, this is.

You use it. I'm in that. I lie about every other sponsor. This is the only one that I really believe in. No. No, I love them all. Love them all. Small Batch is the best, though. Small Batch is the best.

Because we're men. It's a manly. Bobby just walked with his dead breath. Manly thing. I fucking love it. Dude, I love single eyes, dude. I love it. I love single eyes.

I got presents. All right, where were we? I told Scott Chapman I was gonna say this. Dude, he had such a hot one. And fuck it, dude. I mean. Where? In Manchester.

Dude, we did the early show. It was my people. New Hampshire or England? No, England. It was my people, it was sold out. I don't know. It was fucking great. And then they were like, do you wanna stay after?

You're thinking him, New Hampshire. I would have guessed New Hampshire, right? I would have to thank you. I was just I mean you guys know about three shows in England. Yeah. Well Sold out one in England. Nobody fucking no one in Scotland Did they did they watch you like a savage from a foreign beast? We're like come look at what we've captured Just you and chains Come look at what we've captured. Just you and Chainsmere like, ah, feed me greater, ah.

From the jungles of New York. Here's one of those rooms with other people around him. What if I told you that this was a man? Norfolk beast, reveal him. Immersive. Welcome to my immersive experience. Dance out of the world of Dan. Immersive, immersive, the world of Dan.

Snap people out of it. Where am I? I'm driving. Was I cold? Was I making fun of the mothership again? Lot of fans in Aruba. I know. So Scott ate shit.

Just wanted to say it again. Scott ate shit. It was delightful. How bad? Like what do you mean shit? Like nothing? So we did an early show, it was great. It was all our fans sold out great.

Boom bang. And they were like do you guys want to do a spot on the late show? And I was like no, not at all. I was like why would I want to do were like, do you guys want to do a spot on the late show? And I was like, no, not at all. I was like, I wouldn't want to do that. Scott's like, yeah, I'll do a spot. So Scott goes up, dude, and you know, they do an intermission, so they bring it back

right after intermission. And this crowd was a hot crowd. This is a fucking hot crowd. That's the worst part of any story of you bombing is going, now, mind you, the crowd's incredible. The crowd's crazy awesome. I don't think you can miss. The basket is very big to make the ball.

And by the way, I wouldn't even talk about, if Scott wasn't such a funny comic, I wouldn't even talk about it. He's so funny and he killed so hard the rest of the tour. This was just one show that was not our people. And I think there's like a thing with like, the Brits, they don't wanna like Americans, you know what I'm saying?

Unless they're there for you. What? No dude, they didn't, not this crowd. Cause he went up and he had like fake confidence. Like, I did this in front of a black crowd once and black people could smell fake confidence. Yeah. They hate black, black crowds hate black confidence

and they help self demeaning shit. Like when you're like, I'm a loser. They're like, what? We ain't paying for a loser. They're like, shut up, dork. And you're like, I can't get a girl. They're like, ugh. My dick's small.

What? We got big dicks. Ew, we good at fucking. We backstab, motherfucker. I go, can you believe I can't make her cum? They're like, I'm not listening to this, motherfucker. But that's how people in Manchester are. They're like black people.

They fucking can smell fear. And Scott went up there with like this fake confidence Like he kind of made fun of Manchester real quick and then before like Manchester's a working city So, you know, all right, this was the moment Manchester a lot of Muslims The whole all of the UK is because all the UK is it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In fact, we got into the car in Scotland and the guy just immediately was like a Scottish Trumper essentially whatever their version of a Trumper right wing He was just like he was like, you know, I don't really care but all of these I can't just welcome to the immersion She's Scottish guy. Please doesn't like all the minorities coming over from Morocco. They're taking the job

He's like are you a Moroccan? Thank God he pointed out at that one He's like, are you a Moroccan? Thank you very much. Thank God he pointed out that one. I don't want to know if you're a Moroccan or not. They're coming here and taking our jobs. Try it. Try it now that you got it.

They're coming here and taking our jobs. That's not bad. That's not half bad. Oh, I'm from Morocco. Nope, you're losing it. No, you're not from Morocco. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm a Moroccan. I was right wing, but you're making me left. You're making me walk.

Looking at you doing a monkey voice. Your name is Duncan McLeod from McLeod McLeod. I agree. I'm going to break down in closet. You can look his name up in a golden page. Let me tell you what people from Scotland like trying to do their accent to their face. They don't like that. When I lived there, I did it a couple times and they're like, don't sing like that. You lived in Scotland? What? I did Edinburgh, I did Fringe for like a month.

That's not living there. I lived there five weeks. It's not living there. It's not living there. Stop acting like you're fucking international. I just lived in Atlanta last weekend. I lived in Appleton, Wisconsin. I'm living in Morristown, Jersey this weekend.

When I was living there, when I stayed there. You're a fucking asshole. Hey everybody, I'm living on YouTube. I'm just riding that for one hour. That doesn't living there. When I stayed there. You're a fucking asshole. Hey everybody, I'm living on YouTube this Friday night for one hour. That doesn't even make sense. For one hour. Ha ha Dan. 8.30 to 9.30.

Ha ha Dan. I will live on YouTube, small ball. Oh, I just got weird. Yeah, so the Uber driver was just like immediately, the whole ride for like 30 minutes just ranted about. He was like, look at them right there. They're all lined up. Okay, here's a bottle.

Throw it at him. Spirit of the experience. Whip a bottle in a black guy. Throw the bottle. There he is. See, they got real mad. Also, I don't like Joe Rogan. I just don't like him.

Can I tell you something? It's not really the politics. It's him as a person. I said such a cheesy shit. Ah fuck. That's a good bit. The immersion. I think I've got like 11. If Dan does it too many times he'll die.

Katie's like, what did you guys fucking do? She's got me in the heart. Did you have him go in again? She's got me in the house. Did you have him go in again? You had him go in again. I'm in a hospital bed in my apartment. Did you make him do it again? Caps City in Austin is awesome,

and I think you'll have a nice time there. What? How about I just do the Paramount? Whoa! Oh, you're doing theaters now. What was I saying? Are you doing a theater in Austin? Yeah.

Oh, there you go. Scott, Scott. Whoa, why do you, whoa. What was I saying? Are you doing a theater in Austin? Yeah. Oh, there you go. Scott, Scott. Whoa, why do you, whoa. Scott, Scott, Scott. Let's get back to telling everyone how this comedian they barely know bombed. No, it's great. It is a good story.

Just by the way, walking up on stage with confidence is just funny. So no, he, get out of here, my little peener. You know it felt good. I know it did. You have a small dick? No, he's got a nice, no, it's okay. I don't know. I don't know. Fills my mouth. I know it did. Do you have a small dick? No, he's got a nice, I mean. No, it's okay. I don't know.

I don't know. It fills my mouth. It fills my mouth. So, no, so he goes up and he made fun of the crowd to nothing, but you know what it is? Like there's a pacing to like telling a joke and before he could let the like. Use it then.

The. Come on, shake it out of it. That was good. Come on, get out of it. That was a good one. That was a good one. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, you like that snatched. No, that was a good joke.

That was a good snatched. I love all snatched. That's a bad story. Yeah, there you go. No, okay, so there's a pacing. Tell us how jokes work and then get to how. You know jokes work, but these fucking people don't. Who's these people?

Dan. That's fucking me. Dan, but these fucking people don't. Who's these people? Dan. Oh, that's fucking me. Dan, Dan. Dan, Dan. Dan, Dan. There I am, the damn Moroccans. And also, I'm doing another thing. Why is everybody all up in arms about Dan Souda making jokes?

The mother ship sucks. I love the mother ship. The mothership sucks. I love the mothership. He told me himself. He said, I had a great time. I had a great time. What about Tony Hinscliffe? Love him. I love all of him.

Theo Von's just a working man. He's just like the rest of us. Look at him. What happened? I didn't talk about him again. No, no, no. You're good. You're good.

There's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He's a like the rest of us. Look at him. Oh, what happened? I didn't talk about him again, did I? No, no, no. I didn't talk about him again. There's a napkin right there.

Oh my God, thank you guys. Woo! The eyes are all fucking bloodshot. I can't do anymore. So, so this guy bombed? You don't know Scott Japlin? You know Scott Japlin. I don't.

You know Scott. I probably do. He's fucking great, dude. Look, I know you. But listen, before he got like through the silence of the first joke bombing, Scott Joplin? You know Scott Joplin. I don't. You know Scott. I probably do. He's fucking great, dude. Look, I know you. But listen, before he got through the silence of the first joke bombing, he jumped into his next joke.

Oh, god damn it, dude. The audit where he goes automatic. Yeah, dude. He tried to like, whatever it was, it was this moment, then it went to the second joke and it was nothing. And it was like, third joke, nothing. And then he didn't address it. And the audience was, it was so bad that they weren't even heckling him.

They were just like literally silent. You see them whisper to each other, you know, they're like, this guy fucking sucks. Dude, losing the crowd. It was brutal. How long was this set? Seven minutes. Was this in, where was this again?

Manchester, New Hampshire. It's not, okay, Manchester, New Hampshire. It's not New Hampshire. It's by the sea. So, so the tour went good though. Tour's all like great. No, Scott's got some murder I would only say this because he's a murderer which you don't make a lot of money doing these tours, right over and I mean You have pretty good money. You make good money over there. Yeah, is it pounds? Or is this euro euro? Well except for England. What did you do? How many days in England?

How many days did one day Amsterdam, the second day was Glasgow, third day was Dublin, fourth day was Manchester, and then the fifth day was London. What was the best place? Amsterdam. London.

London was the best. London's the shit. It's awesome. Big Belly, is it called? Big Ben. That's a big clock. Top secret are you talking about? Top secret. No, Big Belly's been there last time. Big Belly was hot trash. No offense to the people at Big Belly, but Top Secret was fucking awesome. Top Secret's

amazing. Top Secret was amazing. That guy's awesome. He's crazy. He's awesome. He created like the most amazing club. You guys done it? It's really cool. I've never done it. It's fucking awesome. Upstairs and then downstairs, you get off stage upstairs and you run downstairs and you do a set immediately. Two 20-minute sets back to back and he just hands you cash That's it based on how much money they've never been to England never been we should never we should do Amsterdam I've done the regs UK would fucking I do I do the regs in the Folky London, but we all have to dress like little. Bee feeders? No, with vests and ties. We should do the Beatles, get Beatle boots.

Oh there you go. Oh dude, I'll go proper. Yeah, we can take that photo. A Beatle costume, like a bug. Louis, you dress like the blue Beatle from DC Comics. Dude, untie it. I was just tightening it. He left.

I know. Yeah, he did full immersion too. I like that. He never goes full immersion. I like that. Full immersion. That's because he went in. It's basically his helicopter. My VR is a cheaper full immersion to ever goes for immersion. I like that. That's because he went in his helicopter. My, my, my VR is a cheaper full of like the, the boardwalk.

Too many people wore this. It feels weird on my head. Just get dizzy. No pregnant women. Dan's is like the one where you got to put the boots on. You're walking through like a big empty like fucking room. Listen, we're going to have to have you talk to someone when you're done. You have to sign something to do. Dan's is just a check. You want to see Lucy. I'm home. Dan, tell them about Lucy. Hundred percent pure nicotine. Always tobacco free. It's not like every other. Yeah, nicotine. Whoa, dude. Nicotine.

It's not owned by Big Tobacco. There's Mom and Pop Shop, so they're not gonna like that, Lewis. And they come in a variety of strengths. Four milligrams, all the way up to 12 milligrams, and flavors like apple ice, wintergreen, mango, and espresso. What's your favorite Lucy flavor, Joe List?

Mango? No, I'm kidding, I hate mango. I don't know why I said mango. I don't like it. Mango is actually my favorite. He loves espresso. He loves it, it has the. I hate mango. I don't know why I said mango. I don't like mango is actually my favorite It has the word man in it Do espresso used to be but then mango cuz it's summertime

Dude, get your summer girl flavors on real quick Paco if you ever make me put my own fucking sugar in my coffee again I'll break one of your fingers and you won't get any Lucy I'll tell you that much you won't get any Lucy Lucy finger or milligram six milligram for the gum if you guys want to use gum instead of the little pouches they have gum they've gone yeah I want gum to my mouth you want so much gum in your mouth I want so much all right Lucy gum you need hot gum in your mouth. I want so much Lucy gum in my mouth. Oh God, you need hot gum in your mouth. It's a thick, a thick load of hot gum. God, Bobby wants me to just cover him in hot gum.

Just go to Lucy right now. That is Lucy.co. slash regs, R-E-G-Z. And use the promo code regs with a Z. And you get 20% off your first order today. Once again, that is Lucy.co. slash regs. Use that code regs with a Z for 20% off. And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age

and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. And we're back. Amsterdam, I think Amsterdam has been doing comedy. That was my second favorite. Amsterdam have been doing comedy the longest. Comedy Cafe in Amsterdam was a lot of getting credible.

I did theaters when I was there. There was a guy who used to do theaters, and he'd bring us over. He brought me, me, Keith, and Patrice did shows. It was fun, dude. Bobby's touching his face because he's thinking about all the hookers that he banged. He's trying to hide.

What was her name? Me and Keith banged. We literally put our bags down in the hotel and said, we'll be back, just watch your bags. It was two o'clock in the afternoon and they sent us to the local red light district, which is not the good one. Oh no.

Red light district during the day is like, there's like eight windows open. They're just fucking gross, dude. Me and Scott walked through the red light district and there was a section where like, these girls aren't that hot. And then we're like, oh, they're dudes. It was just all like burly fucking dudes being like come on

chumps I fuck the prices real quick I fucked a chick with zits yeah it was bad during the day was bad local was bad but then night at the tourist red light yeah that's where the first time I went I banged three hookers in the tourist red light district it was 50 euro to get sucked and fucked. What? Yeah, it was cheap. Cheap. It's a little more now, I've heard.

Yeah, it's more. It's more. It's more now. $100, 100 euro. Give me that Booker's email. But I'm talking about, like, some of the girls are like. Guys dead. Some of these girls are like, you're

going to go live in Amsterdam. They are legitimately fucking. Tom Rhodes lived in Amsterdam. These girls are legitimately sex slaves. Like they're so beautiful. You're like, all right, there's no way they're choosing this. Like there's some fucking dude from Romania. Then follow that, follow that thread up.

Yeah, no, I don't think so. Not in, not in Amsterdam. Those girls, I was talking to one of the girls, she's married, she was a teacher. She did this for extra money. Bobby's at strip club going, she's going to nursing school. She likes me, dude. I did, no, you don't understand.

Dude, we still talk. That's so funny. She told me she really liked me. I'm like the one guy she liked. She said this is the only time she ever got feelings. I made her come. But don't you think a sex slave is kind of hot? They captured her at the airport.

But she was so horny. Yeah, and then locked her up and made her fuck us. Yeah, she had a full... What? What? This is human trafficking. What? What's wrong with you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She can't be freed. She was on the phone with her dad, she couldn't name all the things she saw, she freaked out and panicked. Oh, oh, oh, slide! Oh, oh, tower! A small mouth!

Well, you're gone. Yes. Well, I hate to tell you. I wish you'd pay attention to detail. Holy shit, I raised a retard. You can't see shit. And you can't run. Yeah.

Well, I hope you're good at kicking. Because they're about to grab you. I'd be better at kicking than you are naming things around you. Holy shit, this reminds me of when we, on that family vacation we played charades. You were terrible. I'm glad you're going to be a sultan's fuckball. Learn an adjective, you idiot. If that was the end of the movie. He goes, well, looks like we'll try for another.

Okay. Immersion. I'm out. Ah, fuck. Oh shit. Dan goes limitless when he goes into his bits. I don't think that the girls in, cause prostitution is legal. I think 2% of them are sex trafficked. You love 2%.

I think where it's not legal, it's probably sex trafficking. It's just a job. Look up the percentage of girls that are sex trafficked in Amsterdam. Yeah, I think sex trafficking people are in, yeah. Yeah, sex trafficking is one of the things. I bet you that there's sex trafficking in Amsterdam. I bet you that there's sex trafficking in Amsterdam. I bet girls that are sex trafficked in Amsterdam. Yeah, I think sex trafficking people are in, yeah.

Yeah, sex trafficking is one of the things. I bet you that there's sex trafficking. Not only that, because in Amsterdam, in the hotel, it specifically said no rooms for sex traffickers. Can I tell you why you're wrong? I swear to God. The government, the government. In the Hilton.

Louis, the government has evolved in the red light district. Amsterdam says everything is under control, but we don't even know how many girls are working here. Some researchers say four to 8,000, some say 10% are trafficked, others say 90%, even with the lowest figure, 400 girls are selling sex against their will.

Oh, yikes. Yeah, dude, there's some that are selling sex against their will, and you find those, and those bitches are the... The ones that make you cum quick? As you're paying, you go, is this against your will? Yeah. Is this against your will?

Yeah. Look at me. What about now you go, is this against your will? Yeah. Is this against your will? Yeah. Look at me. What about now? Now why is Amsterdam the hottest? What is your? Why are they the hottest hookers? No, why? Because they're in a window.

There's no, do you order a hooker here? You don't even know what's showing up. You know? You order hookers? What kind of Amazon shit are you buying? What kind of Amazon pussy are you getting delivered to? It shows up in a brown box. Ah, hell, I couldn't breathe.

Anyways, you got any food? You fucking uber pussy. You order pussies to your house? Not, oh, do you have a house? Not now, but I have, yes. You've ordered girls to your house? To my home. Wow, that's fucking crazy.

When my wife sleeps, will my children come and play with these boys? No, no, not, no, when I used to live in New York, I used to order hookers to my, on Coke, I would order Asian hookers to my house. Although he keeps adding shit, when I was doing Coke in the apartment. No, I was.

I was doing heroin. One time I was doing Coke, and I ordered an Asian hooker at like five in the apartment. No, I was doing heroin. I was doing coke and I ordered an Asian hooker like five in the morning. Did you tidy up for her? I was on coke. No, she like fluffed the pillows. She's Asian. I was out come hit the bell. No come I could I just kept Why you not come? I kept him out he's stuck I'll tell you why they got regular chicks in Amsterdam. They got like blonde chicks They got regular Dutch chicks that are selling pussy most of the places you go to is that one type of person Brazil It's just Brazilian girls, you know, I mean when you you go to Amsterdam Not true in America all over this country, but it's hard get hookers. It's hard to get a fucking blonde chick. A hooker? You should go to Eros.com right now. Whoa.

And you can find a blonde girl like that. It's expensive. Yes. I'm talking whorehouses. You go to Thailand, it's all that. Well, you go to Tijuana, it's just a bunch of Mexicans. Oh, Mexicans. You go to Amsterdam, it's blondes, redheads, blacks.

But I'm just saying that's, if you go to, It's's at its blondes red You're in a country where there's everything Yeah, we are. Yeah. Yeah, but you have fortunately so I'm just saying If you're in Asia, you're only getting Asians if you're in Mexico, you're only getting Mexicans, but we're in a country where that's not a problem You don't have your baby like oh, you got to go to Amsterdam. There's every type of hooker Do you get every type of hooker here. Yeah, but they don't have the, they used to have like massage parlors back in the day, like the 90s. They had places you could go

and every type of girl was there. Now, they don't have that. They're all gone. You have to go to Euros and pick a chick, and it's also 600 bucks. It's a lot of money if you order. It is, if you go to aeros.com, it is a good 600 to $1,000 to get.

But you can fuck porn stars. That's cool. Like porn stars that you know That it's pretty cool familiarity. Yeah, can you feel the content? But there's a few comics on arrows here and there you'll see them What arrows a euro? He's got his phone. Oh, yeah We went we looked at this before you go to the porn star section because you could literally just pick porn stars that you jerk Off to I think we did and it's like two grand we have already done this Yeah, that's a fuck up

Well, I want to do it again So you go to Eros you got to create an account to know the card I just do an X and what if you live in a building with a doorman will they buy you know? You're paying for the doorman to shut the fuck up. You're paying for discretion What I remember I do a man with the Norton on 43rd Street our dormant Eddie used to fall asleep at night And that's why Norton loved him and then you pull the keys off his health. He would know there's a mosquito on his Just slip tranny's by this guy Teddy hello, Bobby. Hello, Bobby. Sorry. I fall asleep. Jim had another friend. Give me some more water

I'm gonna put his hand in it. Again, oh. Somebody got attacked in the front of the building, he locked the door. That's funny. And the person was, lived in the, and they're like, let me in, he's like, I'll call the cops, I'll call the cops.

She said, let me the fuck in. And he finally let her in, but he locked the door. Jesus. Yeah, it was a poor thing. Then he's gonna see her the next day. Yeah. He's like, how are you? That's it, hello. I got raped. Hello Mr. Norton, hello Mr. Kelly. Yeah, I locked it. Jesus. It was a- Did he just gotta see her the next day? Yeah. He's like, how are you? Daddy, hello, hello.

I got raped. Hello Mr. Norton, hello Mr. Kaylee. Yeah, I was coming to talk to you. What? Jesus. What? Just get, over this way now? You guys are all coming to move this way. Say it in the microphone.

You have a microphone you fucking sneaky ninja. Yeah, to your left, to your left. Oh, all right. I'm always getting told to move to my right. To the left, to the left. You good? See me. We good? Anyways, I haven't had You good? See me. We good?

Anyways, I haven't had a prostitute in years. Me neither. Used to be my thing. I used to love it. Really? I used to love a hook. Yeah, dude. I used to- Ladies of the night for these boys.

I used to go, first thing I did when I went to a, on the road is get the, it's like how old I am, yellow pages. Jesus Christ. Look up, you'd have to look up massage, and then you'd have to go to the local thing, like the local village voice or whatever that was. Back pages. Jesus Christ. Look up, you'd have to look up Massage, and then you'd have to go to the local thing at like the local Village Voice or whatever that was. Back pages.

There was no fucking internet. You couldn't go on there. There was no website you could get bitches from. Offline hooking, trying to get a hooker offline. Well, I used to get from the Village Voice. The Village Voice I would walk around trying to find, cause they'd be gone cause they're free, they come out Tuesday.

But by the time Thursday, you couldn't find them anymore. So I remember just like walking through the streets, looking for a Village Voice like boxes. Like a crazy person. Yeah. There he is. And it's filled with gold. You just go right into the paper.

The back section was just like bitches that took out an ad in the Village Voice. Right above the cellar around the corner was one of the best massage parlors ever. It was a bunch of chicks. They all dressed up like shits, Bobby. I said that. What do you think I said? Oh, I thought you said chicks.

No, I said chicks. They used to dress in evening gowns. They would dress up. Like they'd present themselves. That'd make you feel silly after you'd come. You go, I'm sorry, you got such nice dress on. That was sequence. Yeah.

You go to a prom. You just drop a load and you go, I'm sorry, did I get on your little white gloves There was a great rub and tug in grand rusty for a while Like it was every day was different girls and they were all young hot Asian girls like 22 years old absolutely traffic smoking hot Right out the crate these bitches we're talking about I don't know what please help me please help me means But I think it's some sort of Chinese

Good a proverb Chinese that means oh wind is in your hair. Oh, I love your mysticism my emerald Help me, my brother dead. You don't even want to help me. Oh my. Snap out of it, snap out of it. Oh my Jade Queen. There was one on the east side in the 60s when you went in, you had to get a paper,

they had newspapers. Oh. You had to hold it up over your face. So you're in a room with a bunch of guys, you had to hold the paper over your face. Because there was no, there was no like section. You had to sit there like this. Did anyone ever fold it over when they heard your voice

and go, Bobby? So they go, they call your number. When your number got called, you'd have to go up in a hallway and the girls would walk down, hey, but it was a black chick, Spanish, blonde, Asian. It was all kinds of chicks and you pick your chick. Did you get to duck, duck, goose the hookers? And, uh. Duck, duck.

The first time you do something like that, you feel bad to the first girl. You're like, yeah, I guess I'll take her. After you experience a little while, you're like, next, next, get out of here, you're gross. Just like, move. There was one at San Fran where I went to, it had a big wooden dragon door,

and you could hear, you had a knock on the door, and then you were like, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. And then you open, and it was all these girls in evening, Asians, in evening gowns, and they were sitting there like this, like, you know, kind of presenting, and you go all the way down, and all of a sudden there was just this one smoking hot Barbie blonde girl,

and it's just like her, and you hear, don't da, don't da, don't da, don't da, don't da, don't da, don't da. That bitch was blown out by every dude. Oh my God. You gotta pick like the third or fourth hottest one, because you know, she got a little bit of left work that day. First of all, I'm not fucking her.

I got a great hand job on her. She stuck her fat blonde titties in my face, and she played with my butthole. She goes, help, I'm not fucking her. I got a great hand job under she stuck her fat blonde titties in my face And she played with my butthole. She just help him from Sacramento. I got a boyfriend. That's got a real coke problem I'm doing this for us Trust me. I don't want to be here. Those other ding-a-lings can't speak English Well, it's the greatest racist term for fucking Asian. I've heard. We should bleep that. Why? Ding-a-ling? That's bad, dude. I never.

What are you gonna do with chocolate? Oh, that's not good. Just kidding. Make a smash cut of me saying ding-a-ling. What kind of chocolate is that? That'll go viral. That's milk Dutch chocolate. Can I take a look?

No. I just wanna look at the package. What am I, an asshole? What do you think I'm gonna shit on it? I'm just gonna look at it. I'm not that guy. You know I'm not that guy. What the fuck's wrong with me?

I hope he becomes that guy right now. It would be funny to be that guy. I know, I was waiting for Joe. It'd be hilarious. I know how funny Joe is You know I'm not that guy. What the fuck's wrong with you? I hope he becomes that guy. It would be funny to be that guy. I was waiting for Joe. I know how funny Joe is, so I was expecting him to be that guy. I don't know what language this is. That's Dutch. Dutch, brother. It's Dutch.

Aruba is Dutch Island. It's got cacao. I'll give you a cigar for a piece of this chocolate. It's got cacao. I don't like the first one. Bobby left the tag on. Rude. Give him a piece of your chocolate, you fucking...

I don't want a cigar yet. Who cares, you fucking. What's wrong with you? I don't want a fucking, I don't want a cigar yet. Who cares? What do I have to trade for you? Can you turn the AC, are you guys hot? Yeah, Louis. Louis came in. It's blowing directly on me.

Oh. Fucking grow up, dude. Wanna switch seats? I'll switch seats. Switch seats. Alright, I'll switch seats. Turn the AC on. You gotta point guard me.

There we go. Oh God. I can point guard you from the side. Alright, this is cool. Different perspective. Oh, oh, oh, cool. Different perspective for us, huh? Oh, oh, oh, oh. I just want to say, I had a wonderful time when I was at the Comedy Mothership.

I had a great time. Yeah, well, that's not what the internet's saying. I never shit on the... Are you really giving us a cube each? Yeah, it's spiraling. Hey, I like this seat. No, no, no, I'm good. I'm on a part of our diet, thanks to Joe Rogan.

He's the best. I'm on fuckin' of our diet. I'm gonna let it melt. He's the best. I'm on fucking BBC 157s. Big black cock. Yeah, you're just taking big dicks in your fucking butt. Taking big dicks in my fucking ears and mouth. I feel fantastic. This is way better. I like being able to see the room. I like that. I like it too. I like seeing the loose face. I never get to see your face. I would love one more little tiny. Hey guys, just make sure you chew it directly into the microphones. People love that. Like how?

People love it. Like that? Who's people? Why do you care about people? Why do we care about the viewers and listeners of this show? We've never cared about. That's the reason we exist. That's what this show is about.

We have no topics. We don't give a shit. That's why we're the regs with a Z, dude. No topics, no direction, no care for the people that pay our bills. Who pays our bills? Who the fuck are we paying? Well, the fans buying tickets, listening to the shows, buying the products that we sell. That's that pay our bills. Who pays our bills? Who the fuck are we paying? Well, the fans buying tickets, listening to the shows,

buying the products that we sell. That's what pays our bills. I got tickets still available as we got them, so it's not working. Where at? In Jersey? Yeah, that place is hard to sell out. No, it isn't. Is it? No, it's not.

This chocolate is great. It's not as good as your coffee. Tiny room. But it's fucking good. Thank you, brother. And thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys for being fucking here. You look fucking hot, dude. You're fucking hot. Thank you, brother. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys for being fucking here. You look fucking hot, dude. You're fucking hot. Look at you. Black Pete, Tim. Now they're

going to have gay sex in front of us. Buddy, you look good too. Don't do this. Oh, fuck. I need this. I'm being trafficked. Gay bell. Gay bell. Gay bell. That chocolate, how good was that? Unbelievable. It's so weird to me how chocolate in America sucks. And then you get a bar of real milk chocolate with real sugar. You do this a lot. You do this with the hookers. You're doing this with chocolate. You do this a lot.

When someone brings up a topic and you just go against it. Someone brings up a topic and you just go against it. Go with it. Try to play. Throw the ball up. We have no good chocolate here. We don't live in New. Yes, and throw the ball. Throw the ball up. You're right. We have no good chocolate here. We don't live in New York City, which is the best of the best of everything. But it's not. You

can buy that. Doesn't have the best fucking food. Our good chocolate is imported. New York City doesn't have the best food. Boston has better food. Are you out of your fucking mind? What? Maybe to you. Boston? What? Right, Joe? Am I right? What? Boston has better food than New York City. New York City. New York City. What a real heart-acrair. Better pizza! We have better pizza! We have better Chinese food. What the?

That is wrong. That is objective. Do we have better Chinese food? The best chef from Boston eventually moved to New York City. We have the best coffee. Sully is still there. Sully is still there. The best coffee, the best burgers have the best silly the best coffee. Sully Sully still there the best coffee the best burgers the best steak houses mark got him to be a Boston guy named Sully Who's a chef? No

Not on this side dude all the control comes from in front of me not to the side of me The show tanks cuz he can't fucking pork show tanks because he can't fucking pork out. I keep looking at Joe and Joe's got nothing. I don't know what the fuck you want from me. It would be so funny if like a guy in Boston was making the case of why they have the best food. It's like, it's fucking good! It's fucking good, kid! It's edible!

You're fucking cook food and you're fucking eating! New England has like good seafood. Denver has the best food. That's how retarded you sound. Buddy, that's stupid. Denver has the best food. That's how retarded you sound. Funny, that's stupid. Denver has nothing. Do me a favor, look up the top. What does it have?

Listen, listen. Nothing. Look up, you're not listening to me. We have steak tips. Well yeah, I know because you're over there. Steak tips rule. I don't listen to people in that seat. I don't listen to you when you're sitting here.

Every time I try to say something, you fucking. Dude, shut up and just say it. Now you guys both interrupt each other more than you interrupt other people. In fact, let me just say this while we're criticizing your podcasting. Please. Bobby was telling a story 45 minutes ago and then you did a cutty thing because you were telling a story and we interrupted and you dropped your mic like, fuck I'm not talking.

But we were only talking your story because you interrupted his story. I can't remember what it was. Yeah, you're an interrupter dude. You're not a listener. You're the interrupter. Bobby was telling a story. Where was I? Guys, you guys can't doter dude. You're not a listener. You're the interrupter. Bob was telling a story.

Where was I? Guys, you guys can't do that. It really throws me off. Albeit a boring, meaningless one. What the fuck? Oh, was he making an excellent point? Like, Aruba has 2% milk or whatever the fuck he was saying. And Boston has the best food. Boston has the best food. Will you tell him to do me doing Aruba's the best. Do Bobby. Talk about it. And fucking Aruba's got the best food. It's got the best sand. Don't let them point guard you. They don't have to point guard you. No, Boston has the killer food. I'm not point guarding

you. He's doing it. You're point guarding him to point guard him. Yeah, because we're fucking. Boston's number six on the best food in the world. North Carolina is above Boston, New York City. Charleston is above New York City, that's crazy. That's stupid. This is a pop-up. If number one's Denver, I'll... New Orleans does have incredible food. No it doesn't.

Two things, what? Are you out of your mind? What does it have? Jambalaya. Stinks. Gumball. Stupid, gross. Beignet.

You know what I had? Beignet's good. I had turtle soup when I was there. Huh? Shout out turtle soup. Turtle soup. What are you, Shredder? It was delicious. That was good.

I wanted to eat it, but it was funny. It was good. I had turtle soup and it was bonkers good. Too much. Too much, a little too much on that. I'm chili. Oh, chili what? No, I'm making fun of the Lewis.

I'm perfectly fine. It was fucking cold when we got in here. Lewis is gay, Lewis is gay. Lewis don't do that. Stop. Oh, come on. Snap out of it. Oh, I'm gay now? Ridge wallet.

It's the wallet to get. Oh, you're going to knock me out? Ridge wallet. It's the wallet for the man. Yeah. Ridge wallet. That's a fucking 1950s, 1960s sitcom. Well, I am a Highlander.

I'm a highlander. I'm a highlander. I'm a highlander. I'm a highlander. I'm a highlander. I'm a highlander. I'm a highlander. I'm a highlander. I'm a highlander. I'm a highlander. I'm a highlander. It's a fucking 1950s 1960s sitcom. Well, I am a Highlander and I'm immortal.

So I'm going to bring up old TV. Was that a, was that a Greenacres? Yeah. Greenacres is the place to be. Farm living is the life for me. Ba da ba ba ba. Yeah, there it is. Oh yeah.

Ridge Wallets, dude. And they're not just the regular black carbon fiber ones now. You can get NFL teams or find ones that match your vibe. Get like a green. I like a nice earthy green. I like red because it makes my phone pop. Yeah, dude, get it. I like cum white.

Well, that's who led us to all this was the former head of Cumptown, Nick Mullen. He was the first person I know with a Ridge wallet and then I got one and they are awesome. Premium, premium materials. Wow dude we're just finishing each other sentences. Cranberries with premium materials like titanium and carbon fiber plus RFID blocking technology to keep you safe from digital pickpockets and, and. Tech talk tock dude. Joe, guess how long the warranty is for Joe? Lifetime? Did you just guess that?

Can you believe that? I didn't even look. Holy shit. Get 40% off at ridge.com slash regs with a Z if you're nasty. Just head to ridge.com slash regs with a Z to see their biggest sale of the year. After you purchase, they're going to ask

where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that our show sent you I saw a movie this weekend. What'd you say? Really really fucking crazy. No, it's they're big what bring her back It's this Australian New Zealand guy. Did you see the movie talk to me? No our movie Yeah, I said he talked they hold a hand and they go in. Yeah. Yeah, that was pretty fucked up That's good and fun. It's good. Yeah, the kid fucking yeah. Yeah. I don't want to give it away, but whoo Is that it's a horror movie right? I'm an Australian and they're all in a room and there's a hand. Yeah. I want you just said exactly what he said

It's good. He made a second. Is it good fucked up movie? It's another it's it's another one. Is it another horror? Yeah, it's whoo. I'll watch it crazy me and my check watched it the other one and we loved it Yeah, this one's more disturbing. No, that one was disturbing, dude. With the kid? Way more disturbing. With the 14-year-old brother? I'm telling you, this one's way more disturbing. This is more disturbing than the other one.

Horror movie context clues are very funny, just out of, like him just going, his brother, it's crazy. His brother's mean. This one's fucked. What's it about? I'm taking a picture of it so then I can remember. Why don't you just take a sip of your coffee?

And you'll remember it. That was fucking real, dude. No, it's not. That was a real promo. You're being sarcastic, cunt. You know what? You're being sensitive and you're being cold. No, I'm not sensitive and I'm warm because of Body Brain Coffee.

Buddy, there you go. Buddy Brain. If you get too warm. Buddy Brain? Is it Buddy Brain? Buddy Brain. Someone pointed out that it's BBC, there you go. Buddy Brain. If you get too warm. Buddy Brain? Is it Buddy Brain? Buddy Brain. Someone pointed out that it's BBC, Big Black Guk. Nice.

First of all, Body Brain is one word. Maybe you've never heard of the Body Brain. You had me, I'm not gonna lie for a split second. Joe. It is one word. Joe, can I ask you a question about movies since you're a movie buff? You're always hung up on this thing with me with movies.

It's a weird thing. No, you're an art fan. You're always hung up on this thing with me with movies. It's a weird thing. No, you're an art feck. Didn't. Wow. That's what you're in my phone as. Eh, what are you gonna do? All right, so yes, ask me. You got a little fucking movie queen Joe.

Dude, I'm a bag slug. It's time for movie time with Joe. It's movie time with Joe. Hey, I didn't point got you this. Blink, blink, blink. Oh, dude, where was I? I had a dream I was eating elk meat and I was just saying that the green room ripped.

The talk to me plot, by the way. This is like that movie. Oh, hello, welcome to movie time with Joe. What's the question? I'll tell you all about Phil. My favorite director is blah, blah, blah, blah. I can't think of a director. He goes, oh, I'm the guy that puts the movie on the TV.

Yeah, that's not our movie. There's a movie that I watched just very little bit of it, and then I had to do something, and I don't know it, but I want to watch it. It's about a superhero, but it's a kid who kills everybody. I don't know this. Oh, I know what you're talking about. It's the little kid. It was a bad little kid. It's like, yeah, he's like Superman. Yeah, as a kid. Fuck, what's that? He came out like

three or four years ago. It was, I want to watch this fucking movie. So I know exactly which it's, um, fuck who is in it. I know what you're talking about. I don't know the name, right? Burn bright burn bright burn. Yeah. Can you bring it up? It's right. Cause there's like, I'm watching. I don't know the name of the burn. Bright burn. Bright burn? Yeah, can you bring it up? Bring it up, it's right, cause there's like- That's Steve Bans thing? I've watched, I've always forget the name. I've seen it.

Bright burn. I've seen it a couple times and I've- Yeah, it's this right here. Okay, yes. This is, this was so fucking good. I wanna- There it is. They hate that too.

57% of the rock videos. They hate that? They hate that. They hate it? They hate it. Okay, we won't do it again. Sorry, that one. Ew, stop it.

That was a reverse burp. Brandon Breyer. Sorry. Whoa. Joe! What the fuck? It wasn't on me. Lewis.

I don't care. I also hate it. That's, maybe that's. Put your mic down then. Yeah, put your headphones off. You fucking mic fag. I don't want a podcast anymore. That's you when you retire. That's how you retire. They put their gloves in the middle of the octagon. You fucking Mike

Yeah, this movie what does it say the plot follows Brandon Breyer a young boy of extraordinary origin extra real Actually, oh, he's a alien. Okay, the young boy gets reared. I'm in I can't it's Who discovers that he has superhero powers, super powers, using them with dark intentions. Buddy, this guy was just fucking, here's the thing. The cops come, they can't do shit. It's like a dude. Hey, and he just murders people. He's just fucking murdering. His family. What's the runtime? I don't know. One hour 30. Quick. I want to watch want to get it out. I want to watch this whole thing.

We should do a watch along. Burn episode. Can I tell you a TV show I just got into that's very embarrassing? Yes you may. Mad Men, because that's what I just got into. No, X-Files. X-Files now?

Yeah. That's crazy. Why? Why is that crazy? I've never seen it. It feels crazy. My mom used to love X-Files. It's great.

Your mom was around during X-Files. Yeah, my mom loved David and family. He's not from the 70s. His mom was in the 90s. Yeah, his mom's I mean 2000 and Smartphone for okay. Never mind. She had a flip phone. I'm dying when you were a kid. She had a regular phone Everything she hung up was like You were an orphan

She hung up. I was like, dude. I thought you were an orphan. You thought my mom and dad both died when I was young. I thought your spaceship crashed on Earth. Real quick, if you want to find out, if you want to find out the origins, Lewis has a book coming out, pre-order right now. Plug, plug, plug.

What's the name? Knives and spoons. Number one on Amazon right now. Coming out? Well, in the, in the, How about we leave this out? Yeah, how about you just chill, let us take care of this. Is number one in a category? Number one in the, in the, uh... How about we leave this out? Yeah, how about you just chill, let us take care of this.

Number one in the category of fucking Puerto Rican writers. Substance abuse, substance abuse, substance abuse. Are you doing the audiobook yourself? Yeah. That's what I'll buy. Listen, I want to tell you guys... Alright, what's up, doggy? Fuck reading.

That's from queers. Hey guys, so I can't read this book, so I'm just going to talk to you for an hour. Hey guys, honestly, this book looks like a bunch of squigg book. So I'm just gonna talk to you for now. Honestly, this book looks like a bunch of squiggles. So I'm just gonna tell you how I lived it. Hey look, you know, I can't actually read. So you shouldn't either. Let's talk about this week's best rape. Readings for K-Bos.

Readings for K-Bos. That's why you guys are listening. Why do I like Dan's Lewis better than Lewis's Lewis? Cause it's an impression of an impression of an impression. Whoa, that was too deep. Come back. Oh, where was I? Oh my God. I was just talking about how billionaires are good for the country. That's another thing too. You hate Elon. I think he's retarded.

Okay, but he's done a lot of great shit. He's like, yeah, he's made a bunch of cool shit. Great shit. But he's just a ketamine addicted dildo. But he made a lot of great shit. You know, he's like, yeah, he's made a bunch of cool shit. Great shit. But he's just a ketamine-addicted dildo. But he made a lot of great shit. What did he make that's great? What did he make? He didn't create Tesla.

A fucking rocket that comes back to Earth that we don't have to just shoot shit into the ocean. But he didn't create Tesla. He didn't create Tesla. No, he didn't create it. He actually, here's what he did to Tesla. He should read the article. He made Tesla popular.

Absolutely. Which is huge. I don't disagree with that. But he's less popular now than he ever was, uh, uh, popular. Absolutely. Which is huge. I don't disagree with that. It's also less popular now than it ever was because he's so politicized. Steve Jobs didn't fucking make the, he doesn't know how to read code. Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs made Apple.

Don't bring up S.J. If it wasn't for Steve Jobs, Apple wouldn't be as popular. He understood the utility of computers in a different way. He saw it. Don't tell me not to bring up Steve Jobs. That's exactly what I wanted to do. Yeah. No, Steve Jobs was different. And I knew you know no Steve Jobs was dead I knew hold your tattoo up

I know you would if you did say hey I just think he's a dork I think the richest man the world cutting funding for the forest people in the world is cool yeah I like it yeah me too we did he cut funding I don't understand what happened he did doge they just cut but now are you seeing what they're saying about Doge they're going like oh all the Republicans are going this was a waste of time No, it wasn't because they're a bunch of fucking scumbags to So they give two billion dollars to this thing you get a billion you get a million I get a million Fuck all of them. That's why they don't like your shoe chocolate in the microphone and talk politics

How Dave Smith see what none of us see All I know is that he's a dork. He's a dork, but he's done a lot of great shit and he can name three great things He's done. He's made Tesla popular. He made a things he's done. He's made Tesla popular. He made a reusable rod. How's that a great thing? Can I name the fucking stuff? No, I'm just going to make the first great thing. Because now every company has electric cars, so people who don't travel all over the place can use an electric car instead of using fucking fossil fuels, which is pretty goddamn good. That's pretty woke. The regular average asshole that just drives

around town can just plug it in, get their shit and go. They don't have to go get fucking plug it in and get gas and shit like that. That's amazing. So, number two, reusable rockets. That's insane. That's Star Trek shit. And number three-

Who cares about that though? What is that? How is that great? Who gives a shit? I don't care about space exploration. Buddy, you have to. Why? Because, man. Because why? Because. As soon as you push them down two or three quick, it'll fall apart. buddy you have to why because man because

Why here's why there isn't gonna be a point we're gonna have to go somewhere else and discover Buddy we're not that's not gonna happen. I just saw Saying that by 2024 we were gonna be on Mars we are what year is 2020 not not personally, but we are We are we have a fucking Rover on Videos and and photos of the planet discovering a fucking another planet. Give me and another great thing that Elon Musk is done. So it's I'm gonna tell you besides the comedy. Yes. He's creating tunnels for Faster hyperlink thing that never has it even in Vegas right now He's doing it and he's gonna they're actually gonna do one from San Francisco to LA So in the future not right now, you'll be able to just fucking zoom to San Francisco from LA without clogging up the roads

Smelling up the environment of all the pollutions and shit like that. You think that none of this guy That's it's all that's still gonna exist. What the fuck does that mean? What does that mean? Pollution is still gonna exist. What the fuck does that mean? Yeah, but dude, he's doing stuff that actually will help the environment and also help us,

and the robot, he has a robot, an AI robot that's coming, and wait, stop, here's a fourth thing. That's gonna be four of us. They have, right now in LA, they have driverless taxis. So you'll just be able to call. A Wevo. And it will come and it'll drive you

to where you're gonna be. That's fucking nuts. Have you taken one? No, I haven't taken one. I did, in Austin twice. How great was it? It was cool. Good, so this five weeks.

But that wasn't his company. That's his company right now in LA is going to have in the next year. He didn't, I'm saying you're naming technology that exists that is cool, but does it, how's it really helping? You asked me what he did, what he's doing. But how is a driverless car helping anything? Who cares? Because number one, it's, it's...

Hang on. I was about to go to a character. Driving this car is amazing because you'll be able to have more cars on the road. You'll be able to have somebody come up and just drive you. It's gonna go the speed limit. It's not gonna get into fucking accidents because it doesn't, it's not some, dude, I get a car at night.

Sometimes the guy that picks me up is fucking drunk or falling asleep. It's like he's Scottish. Hey, where do you want to go? He's actually Asian. Ah. Yeah. Dude, I take my life in my hand every.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Dude, I'm driving the JFK and my life's in my hand because this guy's swerving, falling asleep. It's fucking crazy. No, I agree with certain things. I'm just saying that like, I don't give Elon Musk credit for almost any of these things. I'm just saying he.

I was having a rocket ship gun, that means nothing to me. It means nothing to society. He's a dork. He's a narcissist who does crazy things. Is that crazy that the fact that we send a rocket up, shoot satellites up, and it comes back down, and we reuse it? That's fucking amazing.

He's a dork. But why? Huh? Why? I agree with you, he's a fucking dork. Answer the question. That's the only point I was ever made. But I kind of like dorks, so that's you know what I mean? I like

Yeah, I fucking Taste the dork best dorks are just being contrarian dude. Let me just be in or being a contrarian. That's all you're being a contrarian You'll be a fucking slasher period the, the end. You guys got sexual tension today. No, we don't. We're just having a fucking conversation. It's hot. I like that he's pushing me. I like that he's pushing back on you.

I understand. I like Elon. I'm fine with the fucking nerd. I like all the cool kiddies. Yeah, but you're like a Trumper now. Now? Crazy. Everybody's a Trumper now.

So are you. No, I'm not. You Everybody's a Trumper now, so are you. No, I'm not. You're not a Trumper? I think politicians are awful. Every one of them, they're idiots. I do too. I would never vote. I voted.

Yeah. Of course I did. Yeah, but you used to love trannies, and now you hate them. Well, I love trannies. Well, there you go. What are you talking about? I'm a Trumper.

Trump loves trannies. Did I video- I love the trannies. I'm gonna get in big trouble. They're great. Beautiful dorks. First of all, you can't call them trannies. I love the trannies. I'm gonna get in big trouble. Beautiful dorks. First of all, you can't call them trannies. No, that's not that either. You can't swallow that either.

Trans woman or trans man. You can't even throw the full... Dan, you're saying things that are fucked up. Hit the bell. Me and Vos were with Transsexual and he was like, Yeah, I watched this movie the other night with this transy Oh, that's like the new and all and the guy went the transaction went. Oh god Lord

Richard Richard Transy Transy Let's do plugs real quick chocolate. Hey Good looking. Hey folks. My special is out right now on punch up live You can watch it for 36 hours. You can get it early on punch up live check it out there But YouTube it premieres at 8 30 p.m Friday night will be in live in the chat room. You should fucking out we'll all be there be fun watch it on fucking nine what do you call those it's called small ball

why is that why from the Rosemont zany what's that name for small ball you know I like small but old-school baseball you draw a walk you steal second there's a lot of things with hooks and cranes and jibs and smoke and people making big points this is just a small stage a small boy just doing it old school you know. Friday 8 p.m baby. 8 30 p.m eastern 5 30 p.m pacific and then uh Tacoma I just added a show I'm doing one night only June 12th added a show because we sold out and then I'm doing full New England tour in July Portland Maine Portsmouth New Hampshire Burlington Vermont but the main thing is thing is, watch the special, share the special, like, subscribe, all that

stuff. Go to Punch Up, anyways, and then go watch it on YouTube. I fucking love Punch Up. Do both. I love Punch Up, too. Punch Up is the best. Louis! Who's next?

I think it's Louis. Come see me live, Boston, next weekend, June 13th and 14th, laugh Boston. Then I'm going to Baton Rouge, Louisiana, Long Beach, Mississippi, Mobile, Alabama. Mobile, Alabama, man. Mobile, Alabama. Never seen a boy like you before. Atlantic City, New Jersey is coming up July 4th weekend.

Then I'm filming my special. Woo! July 12th, Side Splitters Tampa. Bobby Kelly's directing the special. Bob's going to be hanging out the whole weekend with the Joe's on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, July 10th through 12th. Bobby Kelly's directing the special. Bob's going to be hanging out the whole weekend with Joe on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, July 10th through 12th. The special taping is actually sold out,

but you can still get tickets for the warm-up shows on the 10th and the 11th. And yeah, check out all the other pods that I do. My book went on pre-sale a couple days ago. Very excited about that. Knives and Spoons, a memoir of my childhood. And yeah, get my Coffee Brain, guys, if you guys want a Boucher and body brain by Lewis body by Lewis body

brain by Lewis what is a body brain body brain coffee body brain coffee but it's fun it's more fun to call it body brain coffee dot com you can get it right now it's shipping on June 9th the first orders shipping so be the first to try it it boosts your testosterone it helps with mental clarity and brain function. And what it's good for, you're bringing it on the road, so you can have good coffee in that shitty old town. Yeah, you have these little fucking packets. That is a very good point.

It's a great point. You can just heat up some water and make this body-brain coffee. Yeah, I don't know if that's gonna work. Pour right in your protein shake, you can do it ice, you can do it however you wanna do it. Pour right on your cock and pour it in your mouth. Ooh, right on your dork?

If you get a coffee, you can pour in your coffee and mix it in the coffee. Make it even better. Dan Soto, what do you have? I will be at the Count Basie Center this Friday. That's a theater, dude. June 6th, I'm going to have Pat House and Maddie Weiner with me, dansoater.com. That sounds fake. It does sound fake.

Pat House and Maddie Weiner. with me, dance order.com. Sounds fake. It does sound fake. Pat house and Maddie wiener. They sound like two fake people. But then I will be in Syracuse, New York, June 13th and 14th for four shows. Sorry. At the funny bone. Sorry. Everyone keeps going, why?

Yeah. And I go, cause I haven't been to Syracuse in a very long time. It's a good club. I'm gonna. Count is fucking frightening. That's why I have four shows. I'm coming in Friday, two and four,

gonna hang out with people in Syracuse. And then Stanford, Connecticut, June 20th and June 21st, I will be at New York Comedy Club, and then Virginia Beach, Virginia, July 18th and 19th, I'm gonna be at the Funny Bone in Virginia Beach. DanceSoda.com, and then the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour starts in September. West Coast dates announced, and some of the South,

go to DanceSoda.com for all those dates, and to soda and of course the regs. Check it out punchup.live slash Robert Kelly for all my tour dates my special we put live from the village underground up there and I'm gonna be in the sixth and the seventh this Friday this Saturday is this come on today yeah this Friday this Saturday get your tickets for the dojo in Morris Plains, New Jersey. And then I'm going to be in Portland, Maine on the 24th, 25th, and 26th. Maybe just the 25th and 26th. Anyways, and then October, Rochester, and so on and so forth.

God, I love comedy at the Carlson. Yabba-dabba-doo. Yabba-dabba-doo-doo. So make sure you go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly and go to my YouTube page, youtube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy. Killbox is up there right now, go check it out. And make sure you check out my new tea

that I'm coming out with. Ooh, what's it called, Spillin' It? Spill the tea with Bob. I got nothing, dude. You guys, he has books and tea. He's got coffee, you got a fuckin' special, you got theater gigs I got one until the fall. I had chocolate and cigars, but I gave those away. It's good

I love it. I'm loving the chocolate and the cigar dude. I wish we could smoke in here I would be I'm surprised by now that we can't I thought if you would have asked me back in like 2011 2012 I'd have been like we've been smoking well Stavros let us smoke and he has never recovered. Oh really? Like in his room? For his Christmas show, the three of us smoked. And I said then, I was like, you're gonna let us smoke in your apartment?

And he's like, yeah, fuck it. Did you guys have a window open? No, just his room with no windows. Yeah, with that green. Like that back room? Yeah. Three bedroom apartment. And then,

Stavros moving to the city, baby. I know. Moving on up. Where you going? Where you going? He looked at my neighborhood and said it was too sleepy, which I never understand these people. I'm like, well, you want to be in a sleepy place

so you can sleep. No. He's young, though. No, your neighborhood dies. Like, 8 o'clock, your neighborhood's dead. Where are we going? He wants to be the young guy. Home, you almost want to be away from the action.

Like, when I go home, I want to just be in the room. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Where you live is great. Because we have kids. Where you live is great. We have kids. He's stavvy. I know, but what's he going to do? Yeah, he's were you ever great? Because we have kids. Were you ever great? We have kids. He's stavvy.

I know, but what's he gonna do? Is he gonna go fucking eat? Is he not pregnant? Oh no, no. That's just fact. Wow. No, he's getting in shape now. I thought he was fucking.

He's jacked now. What? I thought you were not jacked. He's jacked now, so. You took it too far. I was trying to be nice, and then you took it to a place that was weird. That's funny.

Stavros rules. Wow. Stavros is the best. He is. I love him. Of all the people that blew past us, he's my favorite. Shane's my favorite, but Stavros is supposed to. Shane's a nice guy. Yeah, Shane rules.

Tim rules. I get why people like them so much. I get it too. We all did this in line. We go, go in the front. But Stavros. Go in the front row. There we go.

First of all, I did that with you three. I was like, this guy's fantastic. Go, go, go. If you call Stavros and say to the front row, there we go. First of all, I did that with you three. I was like, that's fantastic. Go, go, go. And they'll check out these guys. If you call Stavros and say, hey, my sister's sick, she got arrested, I need bail money, he's calling you back. You call Tim Dillon and go, hey, I need help. He goes, well, maybe... He's going to be like, my new special's coming out.

Tim rules it. Tim goes, well, maybe she shouldn't have been driving. Yeah. Who is this? Why is she arrested in a county that has no police? Shane blocked my phone number. It comes up green. No.

Why? Did he? I'm joking. Oh Jesus Christ. I'm joking. Ah shit. All right, well, that was the regs, guys. Are we done?

We're done. We are done. Come on. Joe, you gotta stop saying that. Can I say something? I've never said it was a joke. You always say it. You always say it.

You act like you hate it. Everyone's like, this guy hates the show. Damn Zach. I'm saying I say something never said it was a judge you always Hate it. I was like this guy hates the show How am I that guy? I love you. You're the timer guy. I'm no longer the children Let's get more coffee And I want an egg sandwich guys a six Austin if I just have some bacon what I'm trying to Get a new tape out there. Oh, yeah, how great is a club? It's fucking sick I do like the club. Well, you didn't say that what the if I were to go buy this video. I Mean I would if I was Joe I would fight him I would I would I'd invite you on a podcast just to choke you out and then that would be the whole podcast.

Honestly, that would probably do numbers. Just me going like this. And then waking up and the lights are off, but they keep rolling. Paco is making hand gestures. I don't know what he... What? Two.

I'll take a grande of my uge. Thank you, brother. I'll take a medium of what I ordered this time. I want a spinach egg wrap. Please. I'm hungry. I didn't eat. Oh, baby. I'll take a medium of what I ordered this time. I want a spinach egg wrap. Please. I'm hungry. I didn't eat. Oh, baby.

Oh, baby. Oh, baby, you're so hungry. What story were you telling Aruba? Jo, could you move to the right? Oh, before you fucking ruined it? What the fuck? It's all right, dude. Dude, you know what?

You had a thought. We ruin each other's stories. Yeah, we do. That's the thing that we do. There's no topics. There's no rules. There's no stories. There's No rules. What are you doing? Getting jacked.

For Rogan. He's getting ready for Rogan. Just to get cleaned up. Just like, they're doing cartas. What if you knew one move that made him just freeze and his heart explode? No, dude. He would fucking rip right through me. The first time I ever met him, I went, you know enough karate to be a Bond villain?

And he went, no. I was like, fuck. He went, what me. The first time I ever met him, I went, you know enough karate to be a Bond villain? And he went, no. I was like, what? I don't actually know karate, but Joe. I know. Fuck. I was just saying you can fuck. Taekwondo. But let me ask you a question.

When the body brain comes, you're gonna bring it in. I'm gonna give you guys both giant bags. Can we give you like a real review? 100%, yeah. What if it gives me the dookies? What if it makes us fucking super smart? It's too much or my ears bleed. I just speak Portuguese. You go, Dan, what happened?

I go, it's beautiful. You say, I just speak pork and cheese? Yeah, I think you did. I think it was a problem. I think you spoke pork and cheese. I just blew his head away. Pork and cheese. Pork and cheese, Bobby.

I will make some cheeses. Listen, if you care about energy, focus, and overall performance, well, Body Brains Coffee was made for you. Yeah, it's made with freeze-dried premium Colombian coffee. Colombian. Combined with four powerful ingredients, Tonga Dali to support testosterone, ashwagandha to reduce stress, lion's mane for cognitive... Cool.

Lion's mane. For cognitive? Lion's mane. From Kim Congdon. She hunted a lion for Louis. Kim just squirts in a cup. Put it in your coffee. Lion's mane for cognitive function and healthy and

eating to keep you sharp and steady without the crash. I don't like the crash. You can drink it hot, pour it over ice, even blend it into a protein shake for an all in one boost. Whether you're starting your day, hitting the gym, or getting focused for work, Body Brain is designed to support both your mind and your body. That's why it's Body Brain. You got it. No failures, no fluff, just effective doses of ingredients that work.

Head over to BodyBrainCoffee.com to grab yours now and feel the difference. Oh yeah. Right. Shipping on June 9th, folks. That'd be so funny to grab yours now and feel the difference. Oh yeah. Right. Shipping on June 9th, folks. That'd be so funny if this blew up, he became a multi-millionaire. You think he'd still show up and do the rags? No.

I'm getting free ad reads. Yes I will, every week. That's what made his kingdom. And we're back. You watched the fight last week that the two bitches quit right before the fight. The one girl had a medical issue. What happened? happened that sucked Macy Barber couldn't make the walk But it was they were announcing it like the lights went down for the main event and then the announcer came on the

What did you give me buddy? I'm in the middle of a sentence then you start talking Talk to you producer he walked up with a but you were saying house. Yeah, dude get over it move on Yeah, no topics. Shut up fucking don, get over it. Move on. It happens. No topics. Shut up. Fucking don't finish stories. Get over it. Stop being a baby.

Our producers interrupt with burritos. He walked up and gave me a burrito out of nowhere. Am I supposed to eat a taco burrito? We just silently take it. I said, get me a fucking Starbucks spinach wrap. He walks up with a homemade burrito from his grandma. He's been rolling it the first half of the show. What is it?

But you asked what happened in the fight and then I started telling it. So I asked. What did you do to that? what happened in the fight, and then I started telling you. No, I asked. No, you did ask. He did ask, Louis. But then also. And then I answered. Hold on, hold on. Louis, keep going.

Yeah, go. And also, Bobby. Keep going. Bobby probably. I can't keep going, you son of a bitch. Bobby probably could have moved his face away from the microphone before he asked. Bobby, do you want to take a bite of the microphone too?

That's not, I can't eat that. What is it? I think it's his tongue. What is it, pussy? I think it's onions. microphone too. That's not, I can't eat that. What is it? I think it's just come. What is it, pussy? I think it's onions. Ah! I'm hot today. Just back.

I never left. You were gone for a while. Put him in an ice corner. Get me that spinach wrap. I'm point guarding. The barber lady couldn't show up. But I sat, you know, Saturday in the road, you guys know how it is.

But I want to know. Saturday night on the road. I'm prefacing. I want to know, have you ever seen the rain? Stop this. You come home Saturday night from the road, you go, I just want something to watch. It's late, you're kind of tired. But I just wanna watch.

I turn on the TV, you got eight channels in some of these fucking hotels. Don't go off on a rant. ESPN is on. It's a fight. I go, fucking yes, I got to fight. I just got home, I had two killer shows, here we go, and then they do the whole pre fucking she's going to fight her, she's going to fight her.

And the girls from my hometown in New Jersey. How about that? Aaron Blanchfield. Aaron Blanchfield. How about that? Trained at the same boy time place that I did. How about that? How about that?

So what happened? The one girl had a medical emergency, she couldn't make the walk. What was she, did she have a period? They didn't say what it was? She had like she like passed out She had a seizure or something right before she walked out. Yeah, that's they literally did the intro the lights were down And then I just cut to them being like she didn't come that's You train your ass off and then you just have a medical emergency right before it's not so the girl who trained her ass off And didn't have the medical emergency. She's like She's she'll probably get her show bonus maybe.

They don't have to pay. UFC will pay her. They're not known for paying their fighters. UFC is real good to their fighters. Dude, UFC sucks now. Whoa! Why? Now you're gonna have this is gonna be another video for this guy. Let me get on the right side of history right here. Love Dana White. UFC. Oh my God. He hits his wife. Oh cool. Fighters shouldn't be paid fair. He didn't hit her. He mushed her. I don't think the fighters should be paid. UFC's jumped the shark right? Wow. They're doing fucking power slap. Power slap sucks. That shit. What happened to hammer-fisting Lewis? I just it was not it's not it. You know what happened? A real ass dude took over. That's right. Remember the time I met, and I had him do a video especially for you Oh, that's nice Did you show it to him or did he just throw it away like it did with your son's video that time when I'd made

We get over it dude MMA has gotten stale It's the same thing every fighter looks the same all these daggastani fucking wrestlers. It's the same thing. Every fighter looks the same. All these daggastani fucking wrestlers. There's no personality. They all wear the same shorts now. Back in the day, it was fucking dope. Chuck Liddell was like Chuck Liddell. And Andrei Orlovski would have the fucking fangs. Everyone had their own. It was like pro wrestling almost. It had that flair. And now it's become like every single week, it's just all the same fights, all the same fighters. Everyone sort of blends together. It just lost its luster. What do you think about John Jones not fighting?

Aspernol? Yeah. I don't. You don't think about it? I don't think. At all, not even when you're having to swim? Not even when you're on a podcast and someone asks you what do you think about it?

You are so bad at yes-sanding. You really are. You're fucking bad at podcasting. What are you, gay? You're bad at communication. They go, Lewis on an improv team? They go, it's crazy we're here at Disneyland. He goes, we're at fucking UCB, you pussy. What the fuck is wrong with you? And he goes, okay. Well, I wonder if the line for the roller

coaster is long. There's no fucking roller coaster. We're inside a room with three chairs on the stage. We paid $800 to be here. We're taking a class right now. And they go, okay. That's a great sketch. No but. Yeah, dude. The guy who can't, yes, and during improv class. I just had an idea. Yeah.

We kill ourselves. We take, I'm always down. We put this on Pedro, but we kill ourselves. At the end, we all shoot ourselves in the head. Yeah, one of us doesn't and takes all the money. Danny. No, not Danny, one of us. Spend the set up. Let's do that, the head. Yeah, one of us doesn't and takes all the money. Danny. No, not Danny, one of us. It's been set up the whole time.

Let's do that, the last regs, we all kill ourselves except one. Are you ready for this? Yeah. Because this is gonna be big. Louis, I think you're gonna like this. Just wink at me and make me went back. Bobby, I know you're gonna like this.

I love it. We take two months off from the show. Yes! From recording the show. Yes! Instead, every other week for the two hours, we write sketches starring the four of us. I like it.

What? And then. When we film the sketches. Yes. And then what? And then we release them. On what? On walking along?

People would be interested in that. They would love it. Same time commitment. Same time. OK, wait a minute. We have a great writing team. Eyeshadow Box, he writes. And let me tell you guys, folks at home,

he gets real close to your face Almost this close and you're all out of top. We have to go You guys can write Bobby and I can act you guys kind of yeah acting but we're good acting. I'm sorry Yeah, excuse me. What have you ever acted it? Yeah, maybe two things that you act in We told me I was great Like you want to be the fucking bonfire. Louis told me I was great. I mean, the fucking, it wasn't show you on TV. You were acting like you wanted to be on the bonfire for seven years. You were acting like you wanted to be there

for a long time. We're all acting like we want to do this. Ah. Ah. Ah. Sketches, the reds, sketch special. Wait a second, how is this gonna go? We, whoa.

Yeah, dude, you get on that side of the table, Bobby's mainly. Can I just say, yeah, you always just say. Something disagree, disagree. Yeah, let's no buts. Yes, no, yes, you get on that side of the table. Bobby's mainly. Can I just say? Yeah, you always just say. Something disagree, disagree. Yeah, let's no but. Yes, no, yes, no. Oh, you guys have to agree with every idea. Yeah, what do you?

That's a crazy way to do it. You don't agree with any of them. You can agree on one in 10. I agree that we should do that, but I don't think we need to take the podcast off in order to get the camera. I can't spend four hours with you guys. I can't, I can't.

That's crazy. Yeah, he's right. Do we do this or we do sketches? Yeah. Where are we going to film the sketches? Up your butt around the corner. Boston, where the best food is. I'll have it catered by Boston.

Hey guys, don't worry. The food's catered from Boston. Steak tips? Fucking fantastic. Can't get them in New York. They're very good. Boom! And by the way, you Massachusetts motherfuckers love it.

Cause when I go up for like Thanksgiving or like in the summer to visit Katie's family, they're like, we're doing steak tips. And you're like, all right! Wait, that's not like a national thing? No, it's not. No, it's Boston. It's New England.

It's fucking Boston. It's Boston. Steak tips are a very Boston. I have no idea. Massachusetts. By the way, I had never had them until I went to Bobby's barbecue. And then, and then I started, it's like one of those steak tips are not exclusive to New

England. No fucking play along. Only 2% of countries. State tips are regionally specialty. Massachusetts, New Hampshire has them a little bit. You can get them in New York City. But you cannot. Find me. You cannot. Right now. Find them right now and if you don't find them we get to all suck your dick.

I'll let you, every person in the room punch me in the face one time as hard as they can. If I can find a steak tip. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm so sorry. And it has to be our steak tips. Not a piece of meat that's cut up in a square. Also, if it falls. I'm gonna go down to Austin and train. I'm gonna fuck you.

Then I'm gonna come back and fuck you. You're not allowed in Austin. I know. You're done in Austin. I also say this, if you find a place and it's called Boston Bills, but it's in New York. The king will protect me. Is he the king?

He's the king of Boston. What is Joe? Shane, Joe, and all them are out there, they're all, they're the elders of. Is Joe the king. What is Joe? Shane, Joe, and all them are out there. They're all, they're the elders of. Is Joe the king? Yeah. Isn't he Lancelot? Isn't Shane Lancelot?

He's the prince. He's the king's friend. He's the prince. Who's going to take the sword out of the stone. Yeah. Where he goes, the king has mounted you. And I go, king, I'm sorry, but I just think Elon's very gay.

He is. And your green room was a tough hang on one of the times I went. Body, the green room's the best. I think we're about to punch Lewis in the face. There we are. Are we gonna punch him now? Yeah.

Oh, this is happening now. Oh, I didn't know that we're gonna do that now. Now, I mean, are we gonna not punch him though, right? What, no. Oh, we are. Full punch. No, full punch, great. He fucking said it.

Can we do it in the stomach, not in the face, so we can actually hit him? Do you know that's how Harry Houdini died? No, it's not how he died. He's actually, he never died, he lived. That was his last trick. You're thinking of Hitler. Buddy, it was his last trick.

Danny, tell him. You're thinking of two pocket Hitler. Danny, tell him. He is still alive. Yep. No, he's not. There he is. He's been alive, dude.

He's in Appleton, Wisconsin. Lewis literally can't find steak tips. He can't. He can't fucking, he can't spell steak tips. He goes, you know, the part of the meat. The tip. S-T-E-K-T-I-P-S. Steak tips.

Did you find them? He had a little noise at the end. Sometimes he gets a laugh. Everyone knows food goes Paris, Boston. Oh man, I'm sorry we ate your candy bar, dude. I ate so much of it. Actually, now I can come clean. At one point I took the whole thing.

I know, I saw it. Broke the brick of three. I saw it, I watched you break the brick of three. You had three? Yeah, he did, I watched him do it. It was right over there. 70% of that chocolate. And you know what's so funny is when Lewis went,

you're such a little boy, you don't wanna break it open? Because I knew it was gone. And I had a whole plan for this. What are we going to do with it? Just going to watch an X-File. I'm freezing. I'm going to get you another one. Ha ha ha.

Done. Over here. Do you want to change out? Sit down. That's my switch. No, dude, no. It's not cold at all over here. Do you want to switch?

I'm fine. I like this seat. You're cold, dude. Your arm's cold. Dude, your arm, the back of your arm is like cold. It's nice. It's like lady cold. The chocolate is warming up.

Hey, you can push. Whoa, whoa. Settle down, dude. Peace, Bella. You. That chocolate's gone. I ate like three bros. You can push that up and over to the left

so it doesn't hit you. Back and to the left. Hey, Paco, can you push that up and over to the left? What's he doing right now? Is he fucking? Are you proofreading your left? What's he doing right now? Is he fucking... Are you proofreading your book? He's trying to find steak tips.

You can't do it. He's selling coffee right now. Shut up. I got it. You don't got it. There's no steak tips in New York, you fuck. He's just going to bring up Del Frisco's? Fucking asshole.

We're going to punch him. We get to punch him. Where are we going to punch you? Right in the face. All right, nice. We need a glove. Five, four, three, two. No, there's no time.

Yeah, there is. We got to fucking go. Who said that? We're not going to stay here all day. gonna punch you? Right in the face. All right, nice. We need a glove. Five, four, three, two. No, there's no time. Yeah, there is. We gotta fucking go. Who said that? We're not gonna stay here all day. You know what? A lot of people are gonna go for the chin.

I'm gonna bop him in the nose. Do we have a towel or anything? I'm gonna bop him in the nose. I'm gonna put him in the eye socket. I'm gonna wear it. That's good. I'm gonna just go to fuck it. Let me go first so I can tear up his eye duct.

And then I'm gonna punch him right in the eye duct. And you hit him in the lips. Yeah. Face cloth from the bathroom. For what? To take our hand. I'm gonna fucking smash him. I'm gonna break a knuckle. I'm pretty crazy.

See, this is why I'm gonna pop him in the nose, because I'm not gonna break my knuckles. I'm just gonna, boom, right there. Buddy, let's melt the candle and fucking smash a glass and kick your knuckles. Oh, yeah, dude. Let's roll like kickboxers. I'm gonna tongue-pow your ass, dude.

I'm gonna fucking kick your legs. Yeah, yeah, that's a big towel. I mean that's- You know what I'm doing, the stretches right now. That's probably too big. I'm gonna do the John Claude Van Damme dance from Kickboxer. You know what I'm talking about?

He's got the blank thing. Bring up John Claude Van Damme's dance from Kickboxer. You got his Plena Zee Cavaricci's on? Yeah, I did. I'm gonna dance like that after I punch Lewis. No, you have it. Thanks, buddy. I can't believe you took it.

All right, I'm ready. Apart from a rubric. It was for you, bud. It was good, right? Did you get the golden ticket? No, I got the silver ticket, which means I can fuck off. Lou, you ready? Ho.

We all have to wrap our hand in that thing. I'm bopping them in the nose. It's done. When is the time limit? Right now? People at home. Oh, this is good. People at home.

Tell me, chat, go off. What's my form? Snapchat. Should I just snap? Do I snap the jab or do I come straight? I say snap the jab. I'll go snap. If I snap the jab, really though, that's only just to test the distance.

Should we go lefty? I feel like when I straight we can use a power hand or do we have to use like a weekend Bobby's gonna be a problem yeah why my bits funny this is me dancing when I get to punch Lou I want that shirt Bobby has huge arms and resentments I love this I would never hurt Louis I love Louis. I would never hurt Louis. This is all of us dancing when we get the punch. Louis fine. Hey, no sweet Lou. I'm ready, Doug. These are the two girls that

Louis got delivered to his house. Do you think the crew is cracking up when he was doing this? But it's also filming in Thailand. So they're watching the day is going, play it again, play it again, play it again. I'm hot. I am hot to watching Jean Claude Van watching the dance going, play it again, play it again, play it again. I'm hot. I am hot too, watching Jean-Claude Van Damme dance. It gets hot quick, right?

Yeah. It does get, as soon as that airs off, it's hot. Ready? No, we're not. That's me, Louis. That's me about to punch you in the nose. They don't have steak tips here. There's just no time limit on this.

Yeah, there is. He's saying, we're listening to him. He is buying time. He's buying time. He is buying time. I say buying time. He is buying time. I say one more minute and that's it. One more minute. Hey, Siri, hey, Siri, settle on for one minute.

Music on. 10 minutes. Here we go, he's got a minute. I'm gonna come across this fucking table. 59, 57, 56. I don't know if one minute, you can't give me a time limit. Yeah, you can't, we're not fucking watching you

just look at your phone. You're going, we don't even know what you're doing time limit. Yeah, you can't we're not fucking watching you just look at your phone You're going we don't know what you're doing. Yeah, you've made your stupid And now you're gonna deal with it You got a beanie why you didn't have you the parents didn't give you consequences and that's why you fucking became an asshole Hold on. Oh What do you go jab? I think I'm gonna go straight. Are you just cuz I want you definite contact I want contact right overhand, right? I'm gonna do I'm gonna do overhand Just because I want definite contact. I want contact right into the phone. Overhand right. Oh yeah.

I'm gonna do overhand right. No one's going uppercut. No one's going for the bottom jaw. That's not bad. If you hit the button, he's out. So that's why I wanna go straight. No one here can knock me out. None of you don't have the ability to.

Are you out of your mind? Joe List. I actually think Bobby can knock you out. Bobby punches like a woman. I don't care, I'm gonna push your button. If I knock you out. I'm going to mush you. Bobby punches like a woman. I don't care. I'm going to mush your butt. I will. If I knock you out, will you give me more money?

I'm not giving you any money. Why? This isn't about money. I'm going to punch you and then I'm going to knock you out. And then if you get knocked out, you pay me money. You can try. If I... Okay.

That's time. That's a minute already. It's time. It's time. Time to pay the piper. It's been 10 minutes. Yeah, dude, we can't fucking give you, you'll invest in a company and bring them here.

I'll give you weeks. Yeah. He goes, I'm starting Lewis's steak tips. Laurie's high steak tips. Get some real ass steak tips. Maybe I'll do a hook to the ear. That's good. In the ear?

Like Fight Club. Oh, ear would suck. But if you let me go first and I fucking, right there in the nose. I'm already wrapped, bro. You know what we should do though, instead of punching, because he hates it,

we should do slaps. Oh, slaps. Because he thinks it sucks, just a nice crack. Put some cotton in his ear. Here's the thing though, and I had- Make him bike down on a cigar.

But I've had this experience with Lewis, this exact experience. Show me, show me. There you go. Oh, that would feel much better than a punch. A punch would feel bad. Do that again. Do that again.

Oh, that would feel so good. Try it. Try it. Instead of a punch. I have my towel on. No, take the towel off. Take the towel off. You can re-wrap.

If instead of punching, you slap him. Okay. Feel that. Take that off. No. No, no. No, okay. No, take that off. Okay. Take that off.

Okay, go ahead. No, that's not, no, that's not gonna work for you. Lewis. Hold on. This is the thing about Lewis. He stinks. You can't, he's not gonna let you just hit him. Yes, I will.

Yeah, because we had this before. You don't think Lewis would fucking somehow get hard off of us hitting him? We had this before where Lewis was like, I won't do any offense, and then he kicked me immediately. Who was that? That was me. Oh. Boom, boom, yeah, pow. See, look at, he starts throwing punches.

He's not supposed to be throwing punches there. Oh, but he gets carried away. Yeah. Because Lewis is a fighter, you're not. You're a lover. That's where he broke my leg right there. He broke your leg? Yeah.

Why? See, he blocked my kick. It hurt. All right. Lewis, you've got to get off your phone. I got it. Because you're ruining the bucket. No, I'm not.

You are. You haven't participated. And we're all- Yeah, and we already gave you enough time to look up Steak Tips, and it's clear that you didn't find Steak Tips in New York City. There's just, that was- Hold on, hold on. No, no.

Iron and Oak, Modern American Grill, give me a second. No. What's the address? 48 Rivington Street. That is Rivington. Rivington is New York. Signature steak tips. They don't have steak tips.

Yes, they fucking do. They don't have Boston steak tips. You know what they are. You can't call them Boston. Iron and what? The whole point is, Lewis is a pussy. He doesn't want to get punched. Iron and Oak.

Yeah, you're a pussy. You're a pussy. Signature steak tips, classic steak tips. Red wine and garlic marinade. They don't have steak tips. What? Marinade? On steak tips. Marinade. What? Marinade? On the Marinade?

Marinade. You're a Marinade. It's not happening. You lost. I didn't lose. You can't just say I lost. They also have smoked bourbon barbecue tips. It took you 14 minutes to find you.

So what? And you're just a pussy that didn't want to get punched in the face. I'm not being punched in the face for your dumb fucking. Why? Why? Why? Because I'm right, you fucking assholes. You're not right. You're not right. I am right. No, you're not. punch in the face for your dumb fucking... Why? Why? Why?

Because I'm right, you fucking asshole. You're not right. You're not right. I am right. No you're not. You can't just say I'm not. You can't just stamp your feet and say I'm right. Can I punch you in the face now?

Mom! Mommy! Mommy! And look, all my chocolate's gone. Mommy! Until my book ends. Mommy! I'm right, Mommy!

You're not asleep! You're not asleep! Wake up, wake up, wake up! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! I'm getting sad. That's sad. I didn't talk to her for years before she died. Yeah, what are we talking about? Oh really, you were in a fight with her? Yeah. That sucks, didn't that worse? Should've just made up, didn't it make it all petty? Yeah, I should've forgiven her.

Well, fuck when you put it like that. I should've forgiven her. And the phone rang, it's her number, what do you want? Your mom's dead, what? That sucks. Yeah. Is it in the book? Yeah.

Do you say that? What? That you should've forgiven what? That sucks. Is it in the book? Do you say that? That you should have forgiven her? What did she do that made you not talk to her? She stole money from me. How much? Thousands? I don't know, I caught her. That's the most important thing.

No, I went and started making money at selling comedy club tickets, and then I came home and I caught her rifling through my wallet. How much did she take? She didn't take anything, I stopped her. She was probably gonna stop me. Did she try to have an excuse? You stomped her?

No. She goes, I was looking for your allowance. She's got your voice. No, she, I was putting money in your wallet. Yeah. No, no, no, I was giving you all that back-oad allowance from when you did chores growing up. How much money was in your wallet?

I don't know, 500 bucks? Yeah, that's too much to have in your wallet. I didn't have a bank account at that time. So I just had all my cash in my jeans. And yeah, she went through it and I had one eye open and I fucking got up and I said some really choice things to her. What'd you say?

I started doing my impression of a cab driver in Glasgow. I don't like you. I don't think you're a good mom. I think you're a bad mom. Why are you taking me money? You're in my wallet. You're in my wallet. No one in the head but yeah, I believe that it's mine. Thank you Joe Joe. Because it's ice coffee. I fucking love it. You're a good man. Thanks Joe. Thanks Don Dolan. So who called, how did you find out your mother died? Uh, my aunt called me. She called you up and what'd she say?

I knew she was dead too. As soon as I saw my aunt's number, I was like, she's dead. I just came back from Amsterdam. It was the day after I came back from Amsterdam for the first time. What were you doing in Amsterdam? Banking at Hoegers. Just bank, you went there to bank Hoegers?

Yeah, when I was 22. Yeah, I'm not saying that. You don't have to defend it. I just, I didn't defend it at all. I just told you another detail. I'm sorry. I thought it was- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I was 22, I was 22. I was dead, all detail. I'm sorry.

Well, you gave me your age. I didn't need to give me your age. I was going to give you a little. I was right. Lewis. Okay. The fucking info. Why are you mad? Yeah. So, but yeah, he's doing this. And how long had it been since you talked to her? Bobby's eating on the mic. It's just for the people that are listening on audio. Don't do sound effects on me eating because I took mine away.

Bobby's eating. Like three years, two years. Two years you didn't talk to her? Two, three years. Wow dude, so you didn't talk to her for two or three years. Yeah. And then the next- Did she ever try to reach out to you?

The next phone call you got was she's dead. Yeah. But did she ever try? She wrote me a bunch of letters apologizing. Do you have those letters? No, I literally couldn't bring myself to read them. Where are they? I think they were in a safe that I sold in a stoop sale.

Really? I didn't have the key, and you needed the key and the combination, and I was like, I don't even know what's in the safe, and then I put it in a stoop sale right before I moved to LA. So some asshole, some- Some guys like, I can crack this safe. And then they have sad letters from your mom.

Oh, this isn't, why, this isn't jewels or diamonds at all. This is sad letters from a dying mother. Jewels. He goes, oh my God, why did I buy this safe? Louis, I so sorry, I took your money. Joyce, I need your wallet, why you cheap? My mother was white. Yeah, she wasn't, she did, she did in Puerto Rican.

She went, Louis, Louis, I was looking for the money. Understandably in your polo pants. Louis came from an exorbitant amount of wealth, but plays it off like he's a real-ass dude. Start spreading that. You've never read the letters? No, no. My sister read them, though.

The more she had to me, she said, they were just her apologizing a bunch. What'd she say, like, I'm sorry, I love you? I never read them. Yeah. But she told you. No, no, no, but really get into it. Did she tell you me she said they were just her apologizing a bunch what'd she say like I'm sorry. I love you I never read them. Yeah, she told no no really tell you what you said. How'd you close it out? How'd she sign it? Did you sister tell you anything that happened she said she was apologizing a bunch And she was do you really regret not reading those letters? Yes. No, I don't regret not reading the letters. I regret Not ultimately, I mean, I don't really regret it, not for good, it was on her to not fuck up.

It wasn't on me to fucking be the bigger person. She was the adult, you know what I'm saying? But even now that you're a dad and you're past it and stuff, like do you think there's a part of you? No, I have a lot more empathy toward my mom as an adult now who's got a kid. And she had me when she was 20, and my sister when she was 18, she was a drug addict.

Her fucking boyfriend and the father of her children was murdered a few years later. Like that's a fucking rough, she was like raped and beaten as a kid and she had me when she was 20 and my sister when she was 18 she was a drug addict her fucking boyfriend the father of her children was murdered a few years later like that's a fucking rough she was like raped and beaten as a kid yeah she had a lot of fucked up shit happened to her so I have a lot of empathy like I want to go back and fucking hug her and make her feel better yeah but I don't like does that help you like realizing that um helps him when I jerk off yeah you go fuck how do you stay in the fucking moment? You were right there you piece? What you had me I was in the book. He's done. I was there and then you gotta go to Thinking this was your own adventure book. I was like now do you want to whip your dick?

And I want to go how this guy gets a super hard nut off I'm wondering how he slings. Do you want to go down the sad journey? Or do you want to jerk off on your mom's or do you want to make this? sad moment erotic Do you flip your hair like Charlie's Angels? Every chapter you have it up to to make it erotic Things are going pretty bad Have you guys read lose this book there my dad was stabbed is, now do you want to mourn and go to his funeral

or do you want to fuck the knife wound? Or you go, uh oh. Or is there a little fucking, is there a naughty car wash happening down the street? Yeah, but yeah, no, I don't fucking, you know, I'm not angry or harboring resentment anymore. I get it, I get what happened. You're starting to trail like you were calling Quinn

and you were not trying to, you're like, yeah, you know, I just fucking, you know. I think that's fucking sad. Yeah. You know, especially when your mom was probably doing that, she had no choice, I didn't know any better, you know? And then you didn't talk for three years and then, oh, fucking breaks my heart to think that nobody you're having a heart attack

My left arm isn't working. Oh, there's such a sad story. It's making me smell burnt hair Is he your left arm or right arm? Right? I'm sure left left. That's his heart attack. Yeah, dude I don't know what's going on. The stories make my arm. I don't want to cry, but I do fucking shutting down I don't want to cry but I do fucking I think that's terrible and I do it's not good do you go to the grave no she doesn't even have a headstone what you haven't bought her a headstone should give her some head stone you're good headstone why don't we chip in get it why did we do this right sketch we get our heads can we get a could you. Why don't we chip in and get a headstone. Can we do this? We'll write sketches and get our headstone.

Can we get a... Can we do a contest? The winner gets to write what's on your mom's headstone. Hey, can we do a... Contest. Can we do a seance with like a real seance person and bring your mother back? It's not real.

Huh? You don't know that. Seances aren't real. What if she comes back? We'll do, I'll do a seance for my parents in New Orleans during Skank Fest. Yes, can we do that? We'll get a witch doctor. We do that for reg. I Don't think that's a good idea

I've been to the spirit realm. I Did a ghost tour in New Orleans? I did it was fun. It was kind of fun Did you go by the one that was like the most haunted house in doors? That was great But that everyone does the same toy that's the problem with the ghost tour is every tour you see like other people leaving that site They're saying the same exact I yelled's the problem with the ghost tour is every tour you see like other people leaving that site and they're saying the same exact speech. I yelled out information before the next group went up. I went, Nicholas K. Jones, that house, there's a bunch of ghosts that,

it was a furniture store and they covered it in blood. Yeah. Oh. We do a seance, we bring your parents back for Skankfest. Yeah. We'll hire real fucking, whatever that thing is. We come back and we go, it took Louis to the other side. What if the mom follows him back to fucking Jersey? Louis goes, hey guys, whatever that thing is. We come back and we go, it took Louis to the other side.

What if the mom follows him back to fucking Jersey? Louis goes, hey guys, I know we're having fun down there. It's causing me some real problems. I'm missing $30 out of my wallet every day. Also my pool is blood every morning. I wake up, my pool is blood. Hot blood. I talk about this on skanks, but I'll tell you guys too,

this is the saddest moment I've had in a long time. I was moving my lawn furniture, because the fucking guys who cut the lawn, they never move it back. So I had to move my lawn furniture, and as I'm moving the table, my foot presses into a hole, and then I hear beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep.

It was a bunny's nest, a baby bunny nest. Dude and I fucking flattened two baby bunnies. You killed them? What was the beep beep beep? It was them going, help me! Same sound his dad made. Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep. I thought it was a pager.

I had a pager going off, yeah. He go, who's paging me now? Not during lawn furniture moving. Chop chop chop chop chop. No they lived though, but now the one bunny still tiny. Oh, no, no, like their whole thing is all they can do is hop. You made a fucking bunny handicap. You made a retarded bunny. You gotta kill it dude. You gotta put it out of misery. No, I call it. The retarded bunny's got great food. It's a place in... Oh, you've never been to

retarded, it's on the North Shore. The Revere Beach. Great steak tips. Only place in the world that's got them. Hey, welcome to Retarded Bunny. We got steak tips and chicken pops. Dennis Leary's going to come by and shake your hands at all the tables. Can I not make fun of him? Because you guys do. You're fucking.

I don't fuck that guy. You're on. Is there going to be a smash cut? You're on. I haven't gotten no email. Buddy, don't say anything yet. No, fuck him. Calm down.

Don't show. Oh my god. You're on I just let you know to make a smash cut video Country for old man. What's it called? No cure for cancer. I love it You make a movie Lear yet Rogan for soda and love the usual spuss suspects. Not it's not a great one of the greatest movie judgment night. Judgement night was good too. Who the same step dad and sandlot draft day.

Great. I couldn't name three Dennis Leary project. What we just did. Rescue me was one of the best shows. Sex, drugs and rock and roll. Big fan. It was all right. It was good, man. Too bad it didn't go fan. It was all right, it was good, man.

Too bad it didn't go three more seasons. It was okay. What? What's wrong with you? I'm supporting your coffee. This guy steps on stick. I'm supporting your coffee and your book. You support my old shows that I was on.

This guy crushes baby bunnies. You think he cares? Let me ask you a question. Please. What are you gonna do? Go ahead. What are you? Floor is open.

Oh, Wag the Dog! What are you gonna do? Great movie. Great movie. Dustin Hoffman. What are you gonna do with the handicapped bunny? Well, he's gone now. He's gonna go national with it. He's gonna be one in every city.

Where is he? Well, the mom came back and we called. It was on Memorial Day, so I couldn't get like an animal-like rescue person to come. I love that you called. I did, yeah, and then they were like, we can call the cops, but they're just gonna come and kill them. Just fucking shooting them.

New Jersey cops, they go, yeah, there's a lot of bunnies coming up from Newark. You got 10 seconds, move it, bunny. He goes, I used to be a cop in Philly, now there's was a lot of bunnies we had to put down, if you know what I mean. No, but it was like hopping around, and one of his legs was kind of fucked up.

He wouldn't keep up with the rest of them, but now they're all gone. The whole family's gone. They didn't move to a special needs school. They were eaten by hawks. The hawk goes, oh, thanks for the assist, Lewis. It's true. All the bunnies. Were you good with a hawk, right?

Yeah. That's great. Thank you. That is great. That was good. That's your best. That is. I know you say elephant.

Your hawk is your best. What? Nope. Jetson's McBeal's, it's your best. That is. I know you say elephant. Your hawk is your best. Your hawk. What? Nope. Jetson's, it's pretty good. Good chicken. Do the hawk again. The hawk, I went for cover. Yeah, dude.

I just wanna put my arm out with a leather wrap on it. That's the way he gets me to freeze in the middle of a riff, do a hawk. I go, yeah, so I'm over there going. Bobby just thinks of Trump. He goes, Bobby just salutes. Bobby goes, is Elon here? Wait, what?

Oh. Are you thinking of an eagle? Same thing. Eagles are in the hawk family. No, they're not. Oh, hey, man, don't deny. We're teaching him not to deny. There is a good chance here.

Yes, sir. Are eagles in the hawk family? I think eagles are big old hawks. They're birds. No, they're birds. That family? I think Eagles are big old Hawks. No, they're birds. That's so funny. Eagles are big old Hawks. Alright. I showed James Bill Burr, Why Do I Do This? That was a great bit where he talks about, we just stopped producing people. And after like a couple years you get down to like 50,000 people worldwide. It's like you can shoot a bald eagle in the head. Everyone plays with the NFL.

Oh, that's how he opens where he's doing the thing about the guy scratching his back in the airport and he goes, they're using the fucking mick. They belong to the same family. No, Eagles and Hawks are not the same. No, they belong to the same family. They belong to the same family. Say? Ooh. Right there on camera? That's what I said, family. He was right. Oh no, my mom, family. Oh. Oh. Amelia. We rewrite the letters, but it's us and you can tell.

That's one of our sketches. Go, Louis, your Skankfest is so great. He goes, I shouldn't know about Skankfest. You're a f***ing idiot, I hate you. There's no steak tips in New York. Well, why bring this up? The regs, sketches. Let's do it.

So what's the thing? We all write a sketch and then we video tape it? We record it? Are you gonna direct it? We could not do the podcast. The podcast is done. We could do it as a podcast. Write the sketches on camera as the podcast.

That's the fun. But then we film. Yes, but then we film them. We do Summer of Sketch. It's taxing. Summer of Sketch. I like this. Summer of Sketch. Every episode is us. What of Sketch. I like this. Summer of Sketch.

Every episode is us. What is it, Summer Theater, what is that called? Yeah, it's Shakespeare in the Park. Regs in the Park. Regs in the Park would be sick. And we do it at Washington Square Park live. And we call ourselves the leotards. The re-otards.

The re-otards. I like it. Sketch number one. We do it live in the park. We do it in Thompson Square Park to make it dangerous. This is the first sketch idea I'm gonna take the condom off because I want you guys to feel this but yeah We do a sketch about Shakespeare in the park with Down syndrome kids and they're called the rea tards No, the leotards are all born in August. I like this

Leo tards that was fucking meta damn dude matter. I'll take my data. That was meta metal. Um, all right, man. We'll just try to just try to shitty joke the exact same moment. Everyone said their own different version of a shitty joke. I think the sketch thing is something I know you do. You came up with it. Why wouldn't you think it was good? Yeah, it's good. Of course you think it's great and you want to direct it so you get another directing credit to roast You get your rich friends to pay for it, how would you do something? Whoa? I mean, I funded the last movie I made that was a hit in theaters across the country Serious pull up the letterbox for my movie read a couple of them people like it. Yeah, they fucking love it

I don't like I watch I don't like cool cool Yeah, why don't you say? I want to watch a movie, read a couple of them. People like it? Yeah, they fucking love it. I don't like cool, I don't like cool, You watched Half-Vin a month ago. Why didn't you say it to me? I wanna watch it. I keep forgetting. I watched it. Will you watch it? Of course I'd fucking watch it.

My ears hurt. My fucking headphones. Anyway, sorry I'm trying to make a movie about you, Lewis. Okay. No, no, no, I love it. Oh, I have a guy who wants to- Suck your dick? Suck your dick, no, no, who wants to suck your dick.

No, no, he wants to be the production company that does it. He's great, he's the guy who's filming the special, Rick. Should we all get tattoos, Reg's tattoos at Skankfest? No. On our stomachs. Right above our belly buttons. I'll get a bomb for the bomb, Dana, that's fun. Damn, that really fucking flamed out.

It wasn't a bomb. That wasn't, we made it a bomb for the joke. It's a. Hey, me, me. Oh, you should get regs on your knuckles. That'd be sick. R-E-G-Z. You got skanks on one side, R-E-G-Z on the other.

That would be fucking sick. That would be pretty sick. I have the real point guard. That's something about this chair. I came up with the sketch thing, the regs thing, the other thing. The power, don't let the power go to your head. Point guarding isn't having ideas.

It's more like facilitating fun amongst your friends. It's hot. It is hot. It's fucking sexy. You guys coming over Friday? Watch party special, 8.30 pm. Whoa. I'm gonna be in Mexico.

I'm gonna be in Red Bank, New Jersey. Oh, that's what I thought about moving. Yeah, that's crazy. 90 minutes away. That was crazy. When you were considering Red Bank, that was one of the craziest things ever I thought about moving. Yeah, 90 minutes away. That was crazy. That's crazy. When you were considering Red Bank, that was one of the craziest things ever. That is nuts.

Very far away. So far. Yeah, you only get one airport you have to go to and that's still far away. I went to Jay's house, which is awesome. It's a great house. And it's a drive. I want to drive.

No, it's not bad. His isn't bad. His is like 10 minutes further away. No, mine's closer. I'm gonna type in Red Bank. You guys all type in your houses and let's see, let's compare our distances. I live two stops off the F-Trade.

I applied for a mortgage yesterday, guys. Congratulations. I'm gonna shake your hand. Congratulations, buddy. All right, so type in your address. Are you gonna get a house in the same area? I'm probably gonna buy the house that I'm currently renting.

That's a great house. That's a good house. It's not on the market. Lewis has a great house, too. Yeah, it's not on the market. Bobby, how far away is your house? It's no bidding war. Hang on. My house will has a great house too. Yeah, it's not on the market. Bobby, how far away is your house? No bidding war. Hang on.

My house will be a 38 minute, 40 minute drive from right now, from here. 40 minute drive? Yeah. Mine's an hour. You're an hour drive? Hour, yeah. Yeah, Red Bank, hour five minutes.

10 minutes to the fucking beach. So, and there's a ferry that takes you right to Manhattan. There's heavy traffic right now, so it's 49 minutes. 49 minutes, okay. So I'll get my's a ferry that takes you right to Manhattan. There's heavy traffic right now says 49 minutes 49 minutes Okay, so I'm gonna make my car 16 minutes longer than you if I live. I live 16 minutes right now yours is Our five. DanToronto.com. Basil. Basil. Punchup.live. Robert Kelly Dojo Friday Saturday Bobby and I are taking over New Jersey I'm gonna take over and I'm gonna hand it to Dan.

And then I'm gonna take it and use it and give it back to Bobby. I'm gonna get, I'm gonna suck it, almost dry. Yeah, and I want five minutes for you right now. And then drink the rest of the Dan's mouth. That's nearly 20 minutes further than mine. I gotta take a shit and I gotta go. Five minutes further than Bob.

Well, Bobby lives fucking up in the sticks. Next to the beach. You've never been to my house. But it's further than when you used to live already up in the sticks. Well, that wasn't that far away from me. It was like 30 minutes away. It was below the Tappan Zee, which is Terry Town,

below Terry Town in between. You could blow me. Whoa! With a Z. All right, we'll see you guys next week. Watch my special Friday. Watch your Friday. Are we doing one next week?

Because we skipped a week? Is that how we're doing it? I don't know. I gotta pay, we'll talk about it. But this is coming out tomorrow. Yeah. All. Are we doing one next week because we skipped a week? Is that how we're doing it? I don't know. I don't know. We gotta talk about it. I gotta pee. We'll talk about it. But this is coming out tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Yeah. Alright. People are very upset for us. First of all, we just fucking gave them something extra. They put together just an extra fucking best of. I thought that people would be happy because they had something to fucking enjoy. People are never happy.

People are very upset. Some people are very happy and some people aren't. And who gives a shit? The majority are happy. You're supposed to make them happy and not happy. That's that's the art of it. I Get frustrated about I know I want a big Seinfeld guy. They took six months off every year. I never was like what the fuck We're taking the summer off for summer fest. It's not yes The summer of sketch relax everybody. We should get a bunch of podcasts to do that.

The summer of sketch and every podcast releases sketches. All right, what do you? Yeah. Don't do that. Dude. Don't give up dude. All right, we'll see you guys next week on the Regs. All right guys, if you love the show, support the show that you love

by wearing our brand new merch. Regsmerch.com is the website. We have a bomb dan of for sale. We have various t-shirts, various hoodies, and this is just the beginning. This is just the pre-sale. This is just where it starts off, baby. Yeah, we got these new glasses. Whoa.

Do we have, we don't have these? We're selling, we're selling Louis Vuitton bags. We're selling. Apple computers. Yeah, we got Apple right. We're like Africans Vuitton bags. We're selling. Apple computers. Yeah, we got Apple right here. We're just like Africans. Yeah, we got towels. Duo on the PlayStation 7.

We're selling yellow terrible towels. You can come in them, you can wrap your hand, punch somebody with them. Empty coffee cups. Go to Wags merch. $1000 you get to punch Lewis in the face. Only if you bring steak tips. We're selling steak tips, we're selling Boston restaurants.

Chains. We're selling a lack of crime in Aruba. Get your Aruba Reg comedy tickets at regsmerch.com. It's actually Jamaican Joe and Aruba Bob. Make sure you go check out our new merch. Our merch, show up at the shows. We like to see you guys at our shows with the Regs merch on. Come up and say hi.

Just show up to the show. I'm happy. You know what? Just wear whatever shirt you want. Oh, shirtless. Actually, just need the money. Yeah, wear a Rogan mothership shirt. Just to piss Dan off.

That's not gonna make me mad at all. I'm gonna go ahead. Regsmerch.com. Regsmerch.com. Regsmerch.com.