Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Funny is Funny

Episode Date: August 8, 2016

This week on YKWD:  We have Mike Finoia, Christi Chiello, Mike Lawrence, and Jared Freid! Lawrence is dubbed the winner of Roast Battle on Comedy Central just the night before! We talk to him and Christi about how it all went down! Finoia chimes in with a PSA that everyone feels was directed at Jared. Watch/Listen and enjoy!  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? ¿Y no lo sé, dude? ¡On the RiotCast Network! RiotCast.com.

¡Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth! ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi? ¿Casi ¿Casi? ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿Casi ¿ to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost-defying. It's podcast, no rules. What are the mic-ass hole? I'm sure I've already said, should I regret? Can I get a mic-ass hole? Oh, what the fuck?

That was trying to keep it like a comic-ass. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and eating. And sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin Podcasts popular I might affect something you never know Ready I

Fun Turn on Somebody in this room might not be the girl might be one of these guys me I can I was not you dude. Yeah, I can tell you wanted me to sit straight across buddy I can't have Aimen your bone right I was just me No I don't I'm waiting for you fucking 80 minutes for you to jizz hahaha

You gotta keep closing your eyes because you're not into fat chicks hahaha I like chunky chicks I think it's underrated Um We got a great show today We um it's uh we'll back You know you know what do live You people watching live right now in the chat room

Thanks for tuning in spread the word retweet tell all your fucking friends it's happening right the fuck now Are we on Facebook? Yes, we are on Facebook live on our Facebook page on you know what dude So we switched from my Facebook page to you know what dude we're trying to get some people over there again I want to thank the premium members. We every week you guys join It's $199 and we got an insane show coming up for you guys. That's only for premium members August 30th creeps with kids live from the village underground me Jim Florentine, Bonnie McFarlane, Louis J. Gomez We're doing all our fucking Parent material having kids and then we're doing a panel

live with Ron Bennington right after the stand-up. It's going to be great. It's going to be a good time, and it's only for premium members because it's going behind the paywall. Unless you go live. Take it to sellin' out, too. Right now, we're already halfway sold, so it's going to be be sold out so get your tickets now. Go to comedysellet.com and click on the link. Right there. Excuse me. And to join become a premium member. Fuck. iPhone, Android, go

download the You Know What Dude podcast app for NADA join up Become a premium member like that All the stuff I'm gonna be doing one-on-ones. I'm gonna be doing one-on-ones with Quinn When I go on the road. I'm gonna be doing one. They're all going behind the paywall all these one-on-ones going behind the paywall Half-out a 45 minute interviews with comics around not just comics two actors blah blah blah all around with comics around, not just comics, two actors, blah, blah, blah, all around going behind the paywall, only for premium members. So get the app and join today. What else do we got?

Deepo? Should we start the show? Yeah, well you did. That's part of it. Let's go around the room counterclockwise. Okay. Actually go clockwise, it'll be easier for you. That is starting with Mike Fenoya everybody

Have you back now since you've been on you've got you've you're a fucking podcast mogul Yeah, right yeah, do it okay. I mean you show on Kumi a network finer things which is a lot of fun. Is it called Kumi a network? Oh the compound I think they switched it up so you don't have to Google Kumi and fucking have fucking just terrible, shippie eye looking through your hard drive. Yeah, it's like fucking Googling ISIS. You're on a list. It's been fun.

I like the studio over there. It's really great. Unbelievable studio. Great guys. Great network. I had a lot of great interviews so far. We had Zappa's daughter, Moon Unit, which was a blast. I'm gonna call my cock.

The Moon Unit, because it's shaped like a crescent. Yeah. Actually, no, it's a crater, right, in my fucking bush fat. Yeah. Oh, discussing it, sorry baby. That's great. Lots of fun, then Jamcast is going well.

It's blast. Things are going good. That's good, buddy. Yeah. And I'm very glad that you brought me a gift, too. I did, would you like it now? I would like it now. Okay hang on one moment. Oh one moment. This is one. I'm this is a fucking guest by the way You know my wife family always said if you come if you're coming over bring something don't come empty-handed and look at that Look at that. Oh my god Put your asses in there. Wait. We were supposed to give you something on an unpaid spot on a podcast

No, this is actually no this is Ralphie May's ashes You're gonna need a bigger box This is left foot. Thank God you're a fat comic in a stable marriage because I have nothing right now now. There we go. After what Mike Lawrence did, we have the Jesus Christ. All right, who are you? He has been. Yeah. First of all, thank you very much. This is, I could tell this is a, it's really heavy. This is a very heavy, a very good human. Ralphie May has been crispy creamed. Usually one you do this guy knows. No, I'm not. Be real.

A guy was moving out of my building and they were carrying stuff down and he goes, anybody want a humidor? And I was like, no, and then I thought of you and I'm like, yeah, why not? And I grabbed it and it's way heavier than I thought. This is no joke. I'm having on with her first time. You know I'm a fucking big cigar guy. I don't know if it's good or not.

This is real good. It's real good. This is fucking. Perfect size to put your lung in when you're telling me there's a guard I Love the guy with the cigarette voice makes Perfect size being long the you lips It's big enough to bury that joke Oh Black long Bobby Lawrence it's all that's gotten that was roast jokes

You got a light him during a conversation Is that like I haven't always been this way on your show That's it if you can. Let's have a look. What are you Ralphie? That's me. My hair. Are those Stogies that are in there any good? Does that know whether or not to toss a mer?

I know nothing about them. Yeah, these are very good. There you go. Cool. Oh, mother fuckin' that's heavy. Humidor. Someone's gonna have to help me with that to my car. That's right, go.

He'll squat. I got it. All right, who else do we got, man? Fresh from Montreal, Christie Chalos back. Hi, Bobby. Hi. I fucking love you, man. God.

I have to fight not to have you on all the time. You should have a boyfriend, right? No. Yeah. Mother's ass. I just want to vacation with you, a Cape God. I'm gonna fucking lie on a beach at Plum Island somewhere. I just fucking listen to you.

Like, is this the way you like it? I'm gonna visual. I love Plum Island. It feels illegal to listen to her. It's like lost in cream island. If you're getting hard right now, you have a problem. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't think so. I think you're adorable and you voice is down. A strange father's higher hurt. Like, can you pretend to be the daughter that doesn't love me? Yeah. That was funny.

How are you doing, baby doll? I'm so good. I'm so happy to be here. I really do. I feel like I'm so good. I'm so happy to be here. I Really I feel like I'm fucking a cartoon Sex with you God, you're so adorable now you went to Montreal. How was it? It was a dream come true It was the best The bass It was a dream come true. It was the best. She's like Bobby Lee with he we I'm in. Yeah. It was so fun. I love what shows what shows

I did rose battle. You did. I did. I battled Jimmy car. Oh man. He was wasted you right? He won. Yeah. He won. Yeah. But I did, I was very proud of how he did. Oh good for you. I got a good job. I got a good job. Great job on there. Thank you. They actually, it's funny, they asked me to go up and do it.

Did they? Yeah, last minute, I did the... You did the job? In a bunch of judges. You did the job. In a bunch of judges in Austin. That was great. And then he asked me to, they asked me to go up and do it.

And I was like, you know what? I just, I had a gig and it's like, I was like, I need money. I have a, I can't, and it was like, well, if you win, I was like, get if. I wish my fucking mortgage was an if. Yeah, you know, it's totally free unless you win. No apparent speed, no, I think, no, you have to. No, no, you get paid for each appearance. You get a paid, but if you win, you get a sag standard for the first two and then the last four places get prize money

Yeah, did they give you the check right at the end? Oh, not yet now. It's so funny like comedy Two weeks yeah Unwrap new faces you got to like pay for everything to get up there. It's nuts. Yeah broke faces. She she got waiting for old faces. There's new faces. She got Montreal's strange voices. She was the only one. It's her and emo Phillips. Danced out of one of the chair.

Michael Winslow host. I'm waiting for creepy faces. I'll be right in. Just mustache. You wouldn't. I don't think you that creepy. I think you look cool, man. Who else do we have on the show? The first time you guess we have Dean Del Rey.

How are you guys? Good morning. Good morning. From L.A. You're in town for a little bit. How long have you been in town? Been down for 10 days. Well, I was on tour with Alison Chains and ended here in New York

and I decided to stay and do spots. What were you doing with Allison Chains? Opening comedy. 20 minutes of comedy and then bring them up. I don't even get that. Yeah, it's pretty radical. I don't fucking even what the fuck. Yeah, it's it's it's it's like it's fucking.

It they don't tell anyone there's a comic. No. So I walk out I look like the sound man or a roadie, they're like, all right. It's a perform for people who haven't been happy since Rooster came out in 1993. There's a bunch of people looking for veins to fucking shoot in there.

If you still need Allison Chains in your life, life hasn't been good. It was actually, it was cool because it's a total different animal. You know, like you're in an arena, like trying to fucking get it going, and eventually you do get it going, you know, but there was a couple spots that just way too big, you know, the people are way down there, you're like, hey, what size rooms? Like how big are they? Three to five thousand, but you know, like, what connected you to them? Like how big are they? Three to five thousand. Yeah. But you know, like.

What connected you to them? Like how does that? They saw me open for Arty Lang at the Nokia and then they asked me if I wanted to do it. I was like, so funny. I literally said that I'm on a show with all podcast, like everybody has a podcast. And I can just, I literally don't have to talk to the show.

Like how big are you in this? What connected you in? I'm just like, that's a good question. I would ask that. I like morning radio, Fanoia. you? And I'm just like, that's a good question. I would ask that. I like morning radio, Fanoia, like this whole time, you just, everything's been good, you know, I've been working on it.

Here's Jared with the weather. Yeah. No. Hi buddy, I can't even, I wouldn't, I would say no to it. I mean, I give you credit because you're like, all right, fuck it, let's go.

But I just, that's too much anxiety and bombing. But you're not bombing, it's out of control. Just to me is ridiculous. It was zero money. What do you get zero money in the account? Zero money to do. Yeah, here's the thing. I hate it.

So this is like doing colleges, okay. Yeah, exactly without doing colleges or cruise ship, it was like, you want to do this? And I was like, yes, you know, this month is fucking dry. Could I, I had a big J on and quarantine and on the podcast. I had talked to them about they did it. And then it turned out it was great, except for one of them. All of them were really good.

Which one was bad? Verona, New York, some fucking monster casino up there the turning stone that's it yet you ever do that can come every comedy up there and it's just like a graveyard old people but comedy when it's not with a rock band isn't good at the casino yeah yeah and then all those people given tickets you know that like Allison change super fans that's the problem it was half super fans and then have people that were kind of like yeah What's going on? So there's this one guy he was just boo and right when I walked on just boo Boo and finally I just Hillary shirt on

There was a guy there that just wanted to see a woman named Alice wrapped in chains There was a guy there that just wanted to see a woman named Alice wrapped in chains He's just one of those guys from the 80s that thought you boo the opener Yeah, and I looked at him and he was just a garbage can So I just started unloading on him. I just thought back to burn Philly And I just took that and then I had the crowd booing him and it turned out to be awesome I was like everyone boo this garbage can well, just let you know that guy when it turned out to be awesome. I was like, everyone boo this garbage can. Well, just let you know that guy committed suicide

that night. And he was trying to get in. We brought him here. We actually rolled him into cigars. We're gonna smoke him. We're gonna smoke you. We're gonna smoke that boor. Wow.

He was the drunk boor. And then after a while, he just stopped and when I looked over, he was gone. After I had the crowd boom, you know, and then after while he just stopped and when I looked over he was gone after I had the crowd boom He was just disappeared, right? Well, I mean I mean it doesn't sound as I thought it was them doing like I mean that's actually I would do that I mean a casino smaller venue with fans and shit and that I would mind doing I'm talking like if you do and fucking Madison or outdoor events I'm talking like if you do in fucking Madison or outdoor events Fuck

When I heard Alison Chains, I thought it was gonna be way bigger venues than through the five thousand No, it's 2016. I know but still it's like you know Well, here's what's going on. They are on tour with guns and roses And then on the off weeks they headlined theaters all over like they did the parent on Denver which is fan It's a small venue, yeah, that's the only to Cincinnati this place. I forget what it's called right by the ballpark Another big theater. They have do they have chairs or people sitting chairs, but then the first five Or like a bond-jobing concert now where people mostly sit You want them sit dancing

You know, I go right there sitting I don't like them sitting you know, it's fucking double Ed so now you out there like on the bus with them are you tore yeah, I popped on the crew bus Had an option to fly and after a while it's like fucker flying every day It was fun. I burn it on the the bus Yeah, and the bet that crew was like you could have the back allowance. We don't like it I was like fuck yeah, that's like a city with you know a screen Dude the boss the best night sleep I ever got was when we did Torgasm

Yeah, you have those little bunks. It's good. It's good. Just cruising on the highway You stop in the middle of the night at a fucking truck stop get some chicken knuckles. Yeah Yeah For some shitty comedy album for fucking like three dollars. I see a couple movies I did in the bend. I love writing. But I was so nervous about I've been opening up for the impractical jokers on their theater tour and I was nervous about the bus. I thought I wasn't going to be able to sleep and it's like the sound of the road just rocks you right to sleep. It's the best night. I go on a summer in man. You just right you walk on then you wake

up in another city and shower and hotel and you're a Gick fuck that airport shit. I've been on that private private plane. It's like a pain in the ass Those are claustrophobic man. Yeah, dude. You plus you really can't light out me. You get in that bus Um, it was the bed. Yeah, you got video games you get the TV the bus driver's always some fucking creep The bus driver's always some fucking creep Yeah, we're looking awesome city limits teacher under the one percent comedy hour Like all the private playing is so beautiful The bus all I get the whole back with the video screen You'll be this someday

You know what though? The next day I was fucking doing an open mic But actually when I got to New York That's not the end. That's not matter. But actually when I got to New York, we ended here. I went and did the stand and I was like, oh fuck yeah, fine. You know, like after two weeks, I needed people in my face, you know, and I could feel laps and I was like, oh, it was unbelievable.

But there is nothing worse than at the end of something like that. I remember at the end of like, I did that Dane bigger renaissance of flying private. I remember that. I remember at the end of like, I did that Dane bigger red door of flying private. I remember that when I had a fly home in coach, and I was waiting in line, and I was zone three. I used to be somebody. Yeah. They charged me for my fucking carry on.

That's what I knew. You walk past the people that always see you in first class, and they go, you know, with a rise, there is a fall, Bobby It's a day new mob you're clear. Alright, who else we got man. We have roast battle champion Congratulations bud. Thanks man Who the fuck it? Yeah, can you have that build auses blow me up for some fucking reason? You know if you listen and go fuck yourself What do you do when you do you when you do a live like a Facebook live?

I have people that immediately call my phone and like hey you're doing. Oh, yeah, and you just stopped it because you're a fucking Third, well, he's he wants he wants he's we want you to come to his premiere that he co-wrote this film in tomorrow. Yeah, well, if you listen to now, go fuck yourself. I'm listening to Michael, he just tell him yes, I will. And SD-Tex. Oh SD, I'm sorry, SD-Tex is your sale, yeah. Oh, my dad, did I get, yeah, I am. So Michael, first of all, I remember the night

we met at some fucking weird club when you first came to the city. Yeah. You were the new guy and I'm sitting there. I'd been here four years. Where are you from? Yeah, but we're nobody new. Where are you from?

I'm from Florida. Florida? Yeah. But I'm watching this roast battle. I heard about it. Yeah. It looked great. Like I said, they asked me to do it.

I was just like, I need to go do this gig and I just didn't have time to, I'm not going against all these people, Jimmy Carr, you, I'm not being that guy. Yeah. And let me tell you something. Yeah. I'm so glad I, when you make decisions in life,

and you're like, you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Montreal, I fucking love them. I love them all. I love going there. It's our only vacation together when we get to hang out and do, and it took so long, it took me seven years to actually even get to Montreal. I didn't even do new faces

because I was fucking 19 years in the business by the time they let me go up. But now, you know what I mean? I feel good now, man, because I'm sitting there going, fuck. You, but everybody gets there at some point. It I feel good now, man, because I'm sitting there going, like fuck. But everybody gets there at some point. It's just some people get there immediately, Dan Soda.

And some people, it takes a long time. Mike, no, yeah. Yeah. Everybody in the Sramakshepa's looking like a moron. I, uh, never from Christophe. I'm kidding. You'll get there. So Deepwood could be there someday and watch some of the shows they put on.

Oh, they can drive. Yeah, I got a car deep. So let's go. They got a bull bus. So I dude, I called the couple. I was like, you know what? I would have to put so much work into this and I don't have time. I'm doing this other thing. I'm trying to. I was like, fuck it. This is a bad move. If I go there, I'm going to be filmed taking a hot one. But you could see the people that worked hard for it. And you could see the people who didn't. Right away.

I want to talk about this. Yeah. I want to get back to you in a second. But let's introduce our last guest. Oh, let's come. Because this is a hot one. Yeah. Oh, that guess is a hot one.

Second time, thank you. Jared, this is a hot topic. Oh, let's get into it. is a hot one, yeah. Right. Oh, that guess is a hot guess. Second time, thank you. Jared Fried. This is a hot topic. Oh, let's get into it. Jared, how are you, buddy? I'm good. Thanks for having me. It's good to see you, man.

Oh, you, your podcast. I did your podcast. You had a good time. You were great. I'll tell you what I love about you, show, bro. It's so feather my nuts. It's so, well. That's the name of D-Dill Raise album.

You can have that one right up the stage. It's a good album name. It's so well produced. Thank you buddy. And so original. And the way you run it, I was like, I will left that show. I was like, this is like one of the only podcasts,

because most podcasts are like mine. The turn the mic on and let's all just fucking, I get it and it's fun, but yours, you have a kind of outline. There's a format. There's a format that you've created and I really love it. And I listen to talk right, I mean, we were from the similar air,

you know, I listen to E.E.I my whole life. Right, so I love talk radio. I love when it like, you know, and there was no real, there's not a lot of podcasts like that. I only listen to talk radio. My wife hates it We get in the car and she sings every song that comes on the radio and I'm like, are you fucking bangin' a black dude?

I don't know Kesha She's like I listen to a great song music and you listen to dumb talk. I mean I was listening to cowherd on the way here You know, I like sports radio so I tried to create that and we just take emails Called J Train podcast we take emails from guys and girls and give them advice and you were fucking awesome He told stories like people come on like every question relates. Fenoy has been on Every and scopus been on every story question related like me Reversed Montreal. I'm not sure I will do everything first, my friend.

I've thought about having Mike on a lot, but I don't know if he'd go, you would just hate these people that email him. And Mike, you totally would hate everybody, that could. Because there's a lot of like alpha dudes. Yeah, and then that's the show, and it'd be awesome. Yeah, it'd be good. You should come on.

I held back because it's a lot of alpha guys with real questions that no one would ever take them seriously on. Yeah, your fan base. Yeah A lot of people with like no problems at all with problems in their house You call yourself Jay Tray. Yeah, don't they? Unironically I They're parents together I feel like if Lawrence come back The J-Train's are fueled by apparent money

I feel like if Lawrence came on he would have like you'd have like like like I would like people wore here It'll come back. Yeah, they have like the you mean I don't get to shit on everything that judged me in high school Yeah, no I mean we judge you now All right, well, thank you. I'm happy and absolutely I'm glad you back on so I mean, we judge you now. I know. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you. I'm happy to be in the show. Absolutely. I'm glad you're back on.

So I mean, this whole Montreal thing, first of all, this roast battle, there's two things I want to talk about today. Number one, I want to talk about the roast battle. Number two, I want to talk about comedy in LA. And I'm, you know, because seeing the roast battle, you know, I guess to talk about comedy in LA. And I'm, you know, because seeing the roast battle, you know, I guess we talk about comedy in LA first because it kind of goes into the roast battle. You know, comedy in LA for a long time,

New York was fucking stand up. You want to be a comic, you go to New York. You want to be famous, go to LA. And comedy in LA was fucking gabbosh. And there was, there was implants from... Where are you talking about what year this was probably 10 years ago right I would say 10 10 years ago that was the assumption right and I gonna tell you man I'm watching this fucking rose battle and and I see these guys at the comedy store and I hold the comedy store responsible for some of this

because there's a lot of funny motherfuckers coming out of LA now. There's no longer is comedy just on the East Coast and funny guys come here and then go there. I really believe. I mean, I saw Tony Hinchcliffe, who I don't know, but hey, when he came out with that fucking, with that, Suda armor.

Suda armor, it's like dude, to do that. I mean, that's a ballsy fucking move. That's a, let's- You gotta really think highly of yourself to do that. You, what? Yeah. You don't like, I don't know. He came off horribly.

I thought like, Christie, like you said, you're happy with your set. I watched it, you don't like how I know he came off. I don't know he came off horribly I thought like Christie I like you said you're happy with your set. I watch it You came off great. You had great jokes. You were funny. You brought it. You didn't back down like it I think you can come off I'm losing well even in and then winning like I don't know I feel like I feel like the brought some of I mean it is a roasting battle. Who's the guy roasted Jimmy car? I mean, it is a roasting battle. Who's the guy who roasted Jimmy Carr? Oh, Errol Skatec. Yeah. Dude, I can't, he's fucking funny.

Yeah. I love him. I mean, he's funny and he's original. I saw his pre-rosp to get to the roast battle. He's the spirit of that. He, when you go to, have you ever seen it in LA? I've never seen it in LA. It, I mean, so you know, that's where it started.

Right. And they have a haters section and it's like a table that Earl sits at and he kind of just offers commentary. And so he's kind of the lifeblood. Like, he's the missing ingredient of that show. Next to the wave, he'll throw out like full, like, racist or crazy comments. Like, yeah. Yeah. Nothing is like in LA. It's like how it's racist and then it became the hater because of having TV or whatever. Is there anything half the judges in LA

like are too big and afraid to actually shit on the new comics? So Earl, you're guaranteed to get that from him. Right. And he's awesome. I mean, I saw him. I just, I was, I just think that this, the comedy in LA, and guys have come to the Skankfest,

guys that are coming from LA to New York. Oh yeah. I'm just happy that there's some, there's this fucking now. It's like a plate, there's a place to go in LA. Yeah. It's the store, it's the store because it's, I think it's more than that. I think LA has a better alternative scene than New York. And I think it's more than that. I think L.A. has a better alternative seen than New York and I think that's where a lot really I do yeah, yeah, melt down a fish taco and UCB and all those

Shazam. I think that is I think it's because you're not getting paid and I don't think it says prestigious to work clubs there. You know, they're like maybe the store is in equivalent, but you get 15 bucks. You know, like you can't make a living being a club comic in LA. So all and and there's way to men. I think there's more people there. And so they've created these alternatives. A lot of the great theme shows and stuff there out of necessity. And I think that's where they're getting their best comics. I think, okay, I'm sorry. Go ahead. What you got? I go. I think the the store the reason it the comics are great there is it's so fucking it's brutal man the hazing you get when you want to become a regular there it's fuck I'm a paid regular there and you don't just cruise in start working and be funny and

get on man you take abuse in those halls for years you know and and and that's how you become a great roaster or your thick skin, you know? You just, you go out. I think there's something to be said, even at the comedy cell, you don't just, you don't just get on because you're fucking famous here. You don't just get on, you know,

you have to, you're doing it Friday night. Friday night, yeah. You did, great man. You just did it. But I mean, even you at the beginning of this, did I get spots? Like you're even on edge and you're, you at the beginning of this did I get spots like you're even on edge and you're you know You're like I mean like we're all on it. I was I Even for you to ask that question

I can I mean I said there's fucking I want I Refreshly but I'm refreshing the email every fucking minute on Tuesday. I'm the same way at the store. Yeah. Every Tuesday I'm like, well, I hope I get something. No. I know, I mean, absolutely. But it's, it's, there's, look, you got these clubs. Hey, bark or bring, and then you get spots.

This should be a, a, a, a hierarchy of process to earn your fucking spot. And it's like, dude, I hosted here for fucking years. I had to bring up everybody. And we used to do it, it was one show from eight to two, which usually went to three. It's a god-free spot. It's a god-free spot now, yeah. It's a god-free spot.

I'm not a kid, now you just have to light god-free money on fire to get them off stage. I literally would stay stand there and light it on fire. I gotta go you fucking God, man. So, you know, but you grew out of that and the hosting made you funnier, made you, made you go up after everybody before anybody and learn how to be funny anywhere and in front of any crowd, big, small, shitty, great, it taught you so much to do that. And it gave me the ability to just be on these shows with these people and not be intimidated and do my thing. And I think LA, I mean, I don't know

the alternative rooms out there, but I remember dude, I used to go out there and every asshole, dude, well you do my room and it's like, all right, you're gonna have some fucking donut shop in front of now. But I love it. And I, but those shows, like there's like a, a show on Saturday is called Good Heroin at this bookstore called Stories and it's amazing.

And it's like smart audiences. You can, you can work new shit. Like that's the thing. There's way more rooms out there where you don't feel the pressure and you can just work out new stuff and I think that's what's making it a better scene. Also the store, you got three rooms. You can work all three without leaving five feet.

You can do sometimes four spots in a night. The seller has three rooms now too. It's awesome. I mean, you get the Friday night, Saturday night, I'm doing the comedy seller, the village underground, and then the fat butt, the fat butt pussycat lounge, which is three, the comedy cell is a clack, then you get the bigger room and then you get these little small lounge,

it's three different vibes. Like, and you have to perform three different ways, if really, because the comedy cell that right up on you, that shit's instantaneous, it's almost fucking, and then you go to the village and that shit's way back and it's spread the fuck out, and then you go to the village and that shit's way back, and it's spread the fuck out. And then upstairs is high ceilings.

Everybody's chilling, comfortable, sitting in those comfy chairs. It's a harder room. It's like the story, you got the belly room, it's a sweat box right there. Then you got the main room, it's a massive theater. Holds 400, and then you got the original room, which is like the hardest room in America.

I used to go to, when I was in LA, they didn't even use the fucking big room. Yeah, the store. They never used it. Like they would use the belly room and then the one upstairs. It's turned around. All the shows are sold out now every night and a lot of the all comics are coming over there. You know, it's a whole different scene now and the shows are all sold out.

They're doing two shows. Do you work there? No. I'm a comedian now i'm a comedian comedian pretty fucking proud of it man it's the hardest room to get past it besides the seller it's crazy it's so fun when you go to like a city with a cool scene to look at the two week in chicago and i did laugh factories zany's

and there's a whole bunch of like good bar shows and all the young comics that are or not even younger chicago comics that are doing like whatever they can get at the factory or at Zani's they're running and doing their own shows and like New York everybody's supporting them you know each other shows and then you go to like Jacksonville Florida are you from Jacksonville no dude do you know about that whole comedy zone bullshit yes do you know about that the guy that owns the comedy zone? If you're really doing your own show, no, no, that's not the end of it. That place is the worst bomb I've ever had. No, I was just saying, if you said, if you, if you, if you, yeah, thank you, I learned by watching you by that. It was actually good because you were like, do you know, but I was like, no, if you want to be a comic in Jacksonville, Florida, you have to go to the owner of the comedy zone and pay $200 for a mandatory eight week comedy class.

That he teaches. And then he gives you the thumbs up or thumbs down. And if he thumbs up you, you can host his room. But if you work any other paid spot in like the greater Jacksonville area, he blacklists you from the room and he like won't let you. Yeah, but you know what, I blame though? I don't blame him. The comic could do it. I don't blame him the comic the comical but if you go up like not near here what

the hell you do i'll tell you do do it fucking alternative comment alternative comic doesn't mean alternative comedy it's alternative places to do common and that's what i love about it i mean yeah it's not like like won't let you work as club if you run a room and you can get a terrible you can go run just like a podcast just just like anything else. As comics, we have no bosses, we have no limitations. Go find a fucking little shit place and start a Facebook page. Of course.

And like comics who is it in Chicago, comics you should know, I think it is. Yeah, I did that show when I was out there. It's great. Guys, that's much fun. He's a guy that they think they you should know about and then they do their own show and it sold out and It's packed and it's an alternative venues. It's at a bar in the basement and it's and I think when you know in

Not only when you're starting but when you're continuing like it's important to have places like the store or the seller as a base But to keep one foot in those other rooms because there's something really vital. Yeah, you're seeing the most interesting comment. I do both rooms and Pete Holmes was like it's amazing because you can do meltdown and you can do the store and in fact a lot of people can't do both. But I think comedy is just if you stick to one format you're just kind of you know you should. Well you're missing a whole audience as well too. You know like last night at Jackie Cation at Whip Lash is doing great. And then you run over to the stand and catch, you know, soda, whoever. And it's two totally different animals. Yeah, but no, but it's because I kind of disagree with that. Funny. Funny. Yeah. So it's no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

not saying he doesn't. It's just saying it's two different. That's what I'm saying. It's just, yeah. People will go, I'm not a club comic. I'm this. Another guy goes, I'm not, I'm not an alt comic. I'm this. I'm I'm not I'm not an old comic. I'm this I'm like I'm just a comedian. Yeah totally I was I've been to LA one time and so I can't really speak so much to like that scene But I'm somebody who's just now starting to like book actual like spots at clubs So I'm just starting to do what you guys do now. And I think that there's a ton of alternate comedy rooms here that you guys wouldn't know about

because you're the club comics. Well, it's not that we don't know. No, definitely. I know I'm aware of that. I think there's a lot. Dude, I hear about shows every night that like all these like Joe Lest and all these comics that do I'm like, where the fuck is it? Where and it's there's a lot. Dude, I hear about shows every night that like all these Joe Lest and all these comics are doing. I'm like, where the fuck is it?

Where it, and there's a ton of them. And you're right, I don't, you know why I don't fucking go to these other clubs, which I should start doing? Is because I, on a Saturday night, if I wanted to, I could do nine shows at the Comedy Cellar. Of course. And at three different venues. And it's all different type of vibes.

But it's like, it's one of only a hundred or so people that I can do that. Well, I understand that, but I think you're right too, that you should keep your foot in, that's why I love the stand. I mean, it is kind of a big club, but they have these nights,

and they let guys do their own show, and you can step in and it's a different crowd, a different vibe and fuck off a little bit. What's up? I don't care where the room is man. I just want to. What are you guys doing? No, that's what you're writing. No, there's some place.

I talk. I don't know. I don't know. The Brooklyn Rooms, whatever. You know, I think it's tougher to get into some of those in the club. I think it's, you know, I think it's tougher to get into some of those in the club. Like, I think it's, you know, it's- Oh, God, yeah. It's not a competitive thing.

It's like they just, you know, they, you know, and the things I think what Mike is talking about a little bit, you see a lot of like propping up of people for just saying certain types of things there. Like what? I mean, also, you look like the villain in a movie were there, the hero. I can't say that, but that's the problem.

But you're like, I'm with you. Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, that's the thing. I go to ask, but that's the problem. But you're not with you. Yeah, that's the thing. I go to those rooms and it's like, oh, you're here. It's like, yeah, I just want to fucking do comedy. Yeah, I just want to fucking go do jokes. And it's like, you know, I don't know, those rooms that you watch some of the shit that gets away with shit there.

And I think that's why. That's definitely some of the things. You know, like, yeah, if you say a certain thing, you're certain that's a thing. But that you could do that here in a different way. You could do that. So every scene has its darlings that make no sense to anybody. I mean that's true. I mean the meltdown is the most prestigious show in America I think I've done it twice and that do you agree on that? I don't think any any show is I don't I think it's

their prestige. It's for while I'm just saying in LA you do it people like whoa he did melt down. You said America I don't know another show where you do it in every fucking age I think the only prestigious thing in comedy is whether or not you make a living at it. Yeah, that's it There's two types of comments. Yeah, I think I could give a fuck about a show where there's an agent Well, you know what I mean? I got one, I got that, I've had that. You get all that, the one that I'm gonna say. Yeah, I know, but I think those shows are bad. Because there's expectations.

I remember like, you shouldn't have my eyes. You shouldn't have an expert. When you go to a room, the worst part of LA for me, the worst fucking part is every time I went to go do a fucking show is that number one you get bumped by some fucking rock star. Yeah. It was nine movies or and 45 minutes.

Yeah. Oh, you know, or, oh, did you, NBC's in the room tonight. Why? Now, now, now, Puccino's in the room. Why? But there's funny rooms. Yeah, but, don't have anyone in the room. But, you know what, that's why I look.

That's the stalker. In the cellar. They don't get, you, if you're in it, you don't have anyone in the market, you know what, that's why I look to the stock. In the seller, they don't get, if you're in it, you don't get to call up and go, hi, I see, this is a blob of love for maybe see. Yeah, good tickets around the fucking website. It's $15 a month to drink minimum. And it's like, I don't have to worry about, man, there's not, let me tell you something.

There's been a couple of times here when industry was here. And there's nothing worse going up and seeing them walk out. The name is mentioned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the person they came to see happens on before you. It happens to me all the time.

That's the one thing I hated. I remember I was doing a show in the OR, regular OR night, Thursday night. Two people came in and there was a showcase for South by Southwest. I had no idea. I'm just in the middle of the lineup. So as soon as I go on stage, he's not on the quit board. The old back row gets up. Goes out for 10 minutes till I'm done. Then comes back and they couldn't be in the room while the guy isn't on their list is on stage, you

know what I'm saying? The semis, like, yeah. I mean, that was a pivotan. That was a pivotan. A pivotan. What's that? The fascinating thing about the battles this weekend is, you know, at least this is my fourth time in Montreal and some of those industry people have never acknowledged me.

And like, one by one, as their clients are dropping out, and I'm still in the thing, they're like, oh, I guess we have to pay attention now. Well I think that's like the best thing about it is that like it's all about like, did you crush? And it's like, that was the fun thing to watch. It's like, you know, I mean, I got, I tweeted that, yeah I was like, dude you might have elnned Ralphie May's career.

Like I watched the end of that, he was like literally staggering like a fucking boxer that just got hit in the face. I tell you when you said that last joke, well I'm watching this and when you said, cause I love Ralphie, I really do. But there's guys, here's the thing with roasting. There's guys who can fuckin sit right now,

just fuckin trash you on the table, outside the comedy seller, I'll fuckin, just decimate you off the cuff cuff, fuck every's laughing. And then there's guys, but there's guys who need three weeks, okay? And a team of writers. Well, you can take a writer and give them format and the way you write a host joke,

and you get a week, and you get the people, and you can assassinate. But then you get a guy like Ralphie who is instinctually funny, who is just a funny motherfucker. And then you kind of rely on him, I'm just gonna go out, I have these jokes, and I'm a deliver him,

but I also have my person the way I do things, and I have to do it, and it's like shit. I'm Keith Robinson. Dude, Keith Robinson, the fucking, I think it was the Patrice on here, roast, one of the roasts we did back in the day before any of this shit existed. We used to do roasts at the Boston Comedy Club and that's where all this shit came from. I mean, the friars in the 70s, yeah, I'm already in all that.

But we, that's what about me and the roasts. I'm talking about now, what we do now comes from Jeff Ross at the Boston Comedy Club with Barry Cats. That's where all this shit came from. And I remember Ben Bailey. He's not, back then, he was just Ben and whatever, nice guy, fun. Pretty cash cab.

But he, nobody thought of him as a roaster. He didn't fucking bust balls with, we were the ones me rich Keith, he throw up us and bill Patrice. We'd sit on front of the Boston comedy club and fucking trash each other Funny as shit ever said Keith Robinson was one of the fastest quickest fucking will smat annihilate you make you want to cry I've thrown away clothes because of Keith And they should have been here last night for Will Sullivan. He wore a shirt. But fucking everyone was talking about.

But but my point is this is that Ben Bailey given a fucking given a week. Right? He went and he wrote and wrote and wrote because he's a smart guy. He's a good writer. He can come up with the you know, the way you write a roast joke. And he went up and annihilated everybody. He killed with the beat. And then Keith went up and tried to wing it. Yeah. And it was one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life. And then he got so fucking on tilt, he took out a note, he took out a napkin. He wrote. I'm going to say a gun. I remember as his ghost walking around. We kept going stretch, keep going. S.D. I went up to get him off stage. And he was like, get off me, yelled at S.D.

Because he was so untailed. But you could, I mean, that's what you could kind of see with yours. Like you could see towards the end, it was like, well, this guy's fucking pissed. Well, because he didn't expect, you know, you got a guy like Mike, who's number one, funny, this guy's fucking pissed. Well, because he didn't expect, you know, you got a guy like Mike who's number one, funny, number two, fast.

And number two, you can write, you write fucking great, fast. You write great jokes. What did it feel like in the room? What did it feel like? That battle? That battle. That was the one I was like, so fuck. So, I'll take you through it.

Yeah. So we knew what the bracket was gonna be two weeks out of an event. We're hanging stop. Before you would announce any behind the scene shit, we've been down this road with you before, and I've had the delete to show. So make sure you only say what you can say.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I am. All right, you don't know this, but Mike fucking opened his mouth a long time ago. It's all happened live though, it's air, you know. No, I'd be right, and I am. Okay, good. So, so basically, I'll be less panicked

than the phone call this time. So, you already know where you're gonna be? So, you know what the bracket's gonna be? They announced the bracket. Oh yeah, like March Madness. No, you show that, yeah. So, you have two weeks to like basically, you know, you know who your first opponent's gonna be and then the way like I did it was like, March madness. So you have two weeks to basically,

you know who your first opponent's gonna be, and then the way I did it was like, oh well, so then I get the, if I beat Matt Brussard, who was, he was fucking awesome, that was my first battle. If I beat him, I get the winner between Pat and Ralphie. So I can't. So I just kinda run both of those in Pat.

Miss Pat. Oh Miss Pat, she's funny too. Yeah, very funny. Yeah So you kinda run both of those in Pat. Miss Pat. Oh Miss Pat, she's funny too. Yeah. Very funny. Yeah. I have a landfill of jokes about her. I will never be able to. So, after the battle that they have, so I beat Matt first and then they're later on

the show and I know all right, well Ralphie won. I go up to him and I was like and I do this with every person I've ever battled I say is there anything you don't want me to say is there anything off limits? You know really absolutely what a nice thing. I think that's important. That's a risk to that point I'm saying anything about me being fat or would it be it said that would you respect that yeah? And then I would have had to work my fucking ass off Yeah, I would have done it because I think it's a show first. Can I just say something, if I ever, we get in a battle,

if I ever decide to do this one day, you can't say anything about me being fat. Yeah. I'm gonna have to have you work. And you can't say anything about my career. Yeah. You can't say anything about my ass. Just do it all on this podcast.

You can't, you can't. You can't say anything about my ass. You can't say anything about my ass. This jokes about a man in his 40s still need to be called Bobby Done Winner got it Childhood will come back someday so I was gonna bracket

You made a good choice So I asked him I'm like is there anything off limits and he goes he goes fuck no He's like you can't say anything to me worst of what TMZ already has and I just literally I went watch me Oh my god to anybody ask you that Mike did anybody ask you if anything? Yeah, and I would rather not say but yes Did you have you if anything? Yeah, and I would rather not say. But yes. Did you have things that you might have? Yeah, you did. I feel like you watched this whole thing in a comic book.

Like watch me and then turn the page. Yeah. So that's a plan. So everybody's kind of doing that with each other. Some people do some don't. I think that it's necessary. And when I help book the one at the stand,, roast masters, the next one's August 9th, I always tell people to do that.

I, and, you know, Christie's done our show a bunch. Like, sit with your, you should sit with your opponent, you should talk with them because ultimately, it is a competition, but it's a show. And you're doing a duet. Let's go out there. The better you're both, the better your battle's gonna be. Yeah.

You know, and so, and then I said, I was like, is there anything you wanna know about me? And he's like, nah, he's like, I got it. So he didn't do the work. I don't think so. He, well, we saw it. Yeah. He said you smell over and over.

Yeah. And, and so, I mean, cause you know, there is, yeah, there is that risk if I says, or anything you want me to say, like, I mean, three, you know, there is, yeah, there is that risk if I says, or anything you want me to say, like, I mean, three of my four jokes were about divorce, because I thought of it of like, okay, so I'm battling him. What can I tackle that no one else has and aroused with him? I looked on his Wikipedia page, personal life section. All right, I got it.

Yeah. You know, Ralphie May was in a divorce in 2015, but, but, but, I'm like, I got it. Yeah. You know, Ralphie May was in a divorce in 2015, but I'm like, that's it. Yeah, that's an angle. Can I say something that the joke that really killed me with no it wasn't that one. It was one before it where you go. She she's taking half your money now. Why didn't she just why didn't she just wait three months and get it all? Yeah, is one of the fucking greatest jokes. I think so much. I mean, buddy, and I don't think people did the math

as quick as they should have, because I thought that little we should have brought down. I was on the floor. That did hammer, though. That was the opening where it was like, uh-oh. And that's when it shifted in the room between us, because we did interviews that day and stuff. And then, like, we were talking.

And then when I said the word divorce for the first time in my first joke, it was like, all right, this is different now. And, but I also knew that he was going to think that anything, you know, like making fun of him for being fat was, was hack hack and that's how I built that last joke The last joke I did was the best roast joke I've ever What was the last one again? He's gonna tell us. Yeah, it's fucking everybody stop being a podcast

All right, I got this fucking box suckers. I'm what do you think I'm working up to I did the first one and then we're gonna do the last one. So I mean, you want to fucking chime in, Mike? Yeah, what was the last one? So it was, I'm like, two guys, just one. What was the last one? What was the last one? Yeah, people think it's hacked to make fun of Ralphie being fat.

And then he goes, it is, which was perfect. And then I'm like, the reason I, you know, I made for you in fact because you know, your family, your family's gone. I was supposed to say your friends have deserted you, but I was terrified to do this joke. It's like your family's gone. And on the tape it says, I'll just say, your family's gone, your friends deserted you and dad fan beat you at last comic standing.

So the reason I make fun of you for beat, the reason I make fun of your weight is because it's the only thing you haven't lost. It's a great joke. Yeah. Yeah. And that was like a bunch and King Depot and the stomach and punch out. And the room like fucking explode. But but but what happened there and you saw it on tape is and it's happened to me before I've gotten hit so hard downstairs with like Patrice or Norton and those guys where you actually feel hurt yeah where you actually and I saw and his eyes were doing fucking hurt shit like like did not see it coming well him fighting the judges too didn't come off well you know like stop one second I I'm sorry, I apologize.

As the producer of my show, I would like you to bring up the video of what we're fucking talking about. So maybe with the fucking keyboard, the fucking mouse, the computer, the television, the internet, the fuck, but using the human, all the stuff I fucking bought,

we could actually play some of these clips, so we could fucking hear it. It's fucking, where is Lauren? You know what's interesting about roasting, and it was like when I was in junior high, I had like mad roasting skills that led to fights so much that I pushed it down because I knew what was going on. And as I watched these roasts that that final thing

I was thinking like that's where the fist are flying in junior high Here's the thing they say with the roast the rules are you at the end of the hug when he fucking did that when you said Dude when you said he was getting mad. Yeah, I know like did he now after was he pissed at you or? We hugged on stage. He said nice job He was getting mad. Yeah, I know. Like, did he, now after, was he pissed at you? What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, get somebody to help you. You can't just go up there with mediocre. You better make sure that shit. I mean, you know what, like he talked me up in the interviews, which was nice. He was like, I know this guy's a writer for Schumer. Like I know that he's good at this.

You know, we're gonna have a fun battle. He was nice before, like the thing to me about it was, I was not my intention to actually hurt. My thought was you knew what the show is. Let's go out there and fucking fight. Bobby, can you ask Mike if he, did he know Ralphie before? Hey, got, did you know Ralphie before? I had, you're not gonna see the joke on this.

You have to go to the full episode. Yeah, you gotta go to episode five No, it's episode three. Oh, is it yeah, this is that that's just a clip Yeah, did you know Ralphie before this? Yeah, so I did an episode of Kill Tony with him and he was super nice to me and then I judged the roast with him and he was no He's he's been a really nice guy. No, he's a sweetheart. I have nothing against him. Here's a problem though. He's a sweet guy, but we're all kind of nice.

We have an ego. Well, that's where this thing, I mean, I like the Jeff Ross. You only roast the ones you love kind of rule. You know what I mean? That's fun. That's what I mean, though. That's why it's such a different 100 grand.

Roast took on a whole different mentality. Yeah, I helped Jay Ro so three. Yeah, yeah Here's a question I got for you Bobby and I and I I Question a lot of people with if they say like you do fat jokes. It's hacky But when you're on a stage and we only have visual and an audience does not No, it's not I mean the divorce with the fat That's what makes it not. Sorry. What I'm saying is the and I really cut you off. The audience only has visual. So you have to go on visual if they don't have the insides, right?

I mean, roasting or in all comedy? No, in roasting. Not night. I want to tell you what that what you know what that fat stuff we know what that thing he did was what a technique to Switch it's like when you go to a crowd sometimes the one when like Norton's on and he's doing edgy stuff me Me and Keith will we'll go down the back will go oh And all of a sudden you hear the crowd go oh And every joke he does now is oh So that we you can fuck a mind fucking proud.

So when he did that to Mike, when he said, oh, yeah, it's, it told you, I told you. That was him trying to get the crowd against Mike. I took it. Thinking that fat jokes aren't funny. Right. When they, they are. I'm really, I'm sorry.

I'm a fat guy. There's nothing funnier than a fucking great That was the thing about watching it you like when Seth Rogen and Jimmy Kimmel two Megastars are like yeah, but they're funny fat jokes like that is just like a stamp Of approval on the whole fucking thing. Jez on that was killing it as the J.O.A.M. He's great man. I love that guy. There's a roast also you have to address what people are seeing. Yeah. You know, it is

the thing of like you, you want to like, with my strategy is like, I, I like to do one look. I like joke, but I like, I do like to get under the skin. Can you explain that? Explain that? Look at like joke. Explain that to people. Listen. What do you mean? Explain what that means. You look at like what's a look like like an opening joke of like like so my second to last battle was against this Canadian guy K Trevor Wilson I thought he was that guy's fucking awesome yeah he was that big guy right yeah the big guy he was awesome he was great and so my first joke you know is that like you look like if Mumford ate all of his sons

You know, that's great. And you know, it's like all right So now I tell the audience this is what you see and then my next joke was about how he's never been in a relationship Okay, so it's like what was that joke? It was um the closest you've been to another person is when you tried to claw off to Caprio's face in the Revenant I love the one was an an appetizer that said, K Trevor looks like a case for your body. Servers, elements. That was the whole world. Can I say the roast joke I wrote for you?

Yeah. Uh-oh, Ralphie. You, no. I wrote for you because when they asked me to do it, I knew you were in on it. And I started to think of jokes. I was immediately, I know you're gonna be, you know, you always count.

And I wrote, you look like, you look like you hunt ghosts and then fuck them. The best joke I actually wrote that for you before I said no to doing the roast back. Let's go ahead, my favorite ever look like joke, joke about me is like you look like a wizard on laundry day Okay now All right, so you ready hang on one second Into every battle we hug

into every battle we hug. Anyway, each battle is four jokes. And if it goes to a tie, we go to a sudden death, one joke over time. So bad. Ralphie, Mike, who wants to go first? Be ready to pause. Full screen is go. So let's let Mike go for it.

We ready to pause. Gentlemen, are we ready? Yes! Oh, yes! Good race! Good race! Posit real quick, posit real quick, pause it real quick. Ralph, here's the thing.

This whole mad max setup they put in there too. The production of it. I have to give Comedy Central props. Thunderdome. Well, they didn't make it cheesy happy Newfee silly comedy it was really thunder dome Here's the thing that I'll give them the most there was no censorship at all

I always want to say it visually it was phenomenal fucking perfect I can't really tell what it was like. Hang on one second. I just get the first bomb bandana. Post-heal. Oh, I wanted to ask you what it felt like in the room because the belly room is so electric. What did it feel like in there?

Could you hear that? It felt like that plus air conditioning. Oh, yeah. But you could feel the crowd. Yeah, you could. Yeah. All right, let's go. Ready?

Yeah. Going through a divorce. It says a lot that your wife would rather take half your money now when she can just wait three months to get all of it. I mean, it's one of the, it's one of my favorite roles show me all time That means it's just because you the fucking that he's dead Without saying you're dead without it's so fun I love jokes you have to do the math on and just he just a debt and just I literally pictured her throwing money in the air over a huge casket.

All right. There you go. There you go. People don't know, Mike is a second generation shitty comic. He's comedy royalty. And by that, he smells like Prince does now. Stop. Are you as your family of comic? My mom is. My mom is. And by that he smells like Prince does now Are you his your family a comic my mom is can we fix this joke now?

It's just you you know the the He did a dead joke yeah right after your great dead joke. Yeah, I would. I don't know if I get it. Yeah, Paul not a ball to line a scrimmage. It is tough to switch out because like the fucking pressure you're under. Yeah. I mean, dude, I couldn't imagine. First, when you take that hit and you're like, fuck, not shit, that was a good one. But this joke, I don't know, I didn't, I was like, because Ralph, he's a funny. Oh, he's one of the funniest comics in the world.

That's the thing. But he's also a great ballbuster. Yeah. I've heard him on radio. I've been in a room with him. He's very fast. I'm never, you know, I'm never going to have the stand-up career that that guy does. Doing two hours of like new fucking material every year. He's phenomenal.

I have nothing but respect. No, no, I know. Well, there's a different end. We're not the jerk him off. I get it. We all love fucking Ralphie. But Ralphie, he's listening. Ralphie, if you listen, and we love you, we get it.

It's not this was a guy who worked out to go to the beach, if you listen to it, we love you. We got it. This was a guy who worked out to go to the beach and someone that this is a week before. This is just throw a knuckleball, you know? But this, that joke is not, it's like, dude, who fucking, I would, who say, yeah. Yeah. You smell like, it's, it's almost too wordy.

Yeah, yeah. But he was running that by someone and he was just like, all right, I guess you could do it. Well, I think it's all circumstantial though too. Like I think it's just like, I think that, although I love the joke writers that are really stellar joke writers, and that's super important.

Yeah? I think that's really important. Yeah, you got your, that's it, that's it. You're asking Mo Kiss and the fucking mic. You got it, I'm so adorable. But I think that performance too is so important, and I think that, I don't even think it was, I think his joke too is so important. I think that, I don't even think it was,

I think his joke maybe if he did it first, if he did it later, and it was like, Eagle maybe wasn't bruised, it would have been different. Yeah, maybe it is something like that. I think it's like, Well, if you hear a joke that good right at the top and you know what you already have, you could be like, fuck.

That's his first joke, you know what I mean? And the way that you're supposed, like the first and the last joke are the most important. Of course. Even more than in a set. You know you're gonna come with something at the end. That's gonna be fucking bam. You got to that first joke has to fucking annihilate.

And I think you have less people that just go, dude, that's great. Yeah. Then he does. Because if he told me that joke, I'd be like, nah, I'd be like, don't open with that. Save that for the middle, or if you need another joke because,

I, it's not, I don't think it's that funny. My guy's not funny at all. My guy's not funny at all. I guess more people that will tell him that's not good though too. That's what I said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's probably getting a lot of opportunity, you know. I am. Jared Hose, too. I thought you were saying that you would say that Tim, but you're not good though too. That's what I said. Yeah, I just thought you might get a lot of opportunity. You know, I am.

Jared Hose to it. I thought you were saying that you would say that Tim, but you're not on his payroll. Did I say that? You know, you're not going to fucking opening for him. It's a valid point I just made before you said it. You. I mean, you have to.

No, no, no. I think I made a great point. I'm at your point. I mean, I could just say like the amount of conversations I ruined to win this thing. Like at the festival, just going up to people and like, hey, do you listen to this? Like, you know, because you're doing jokes that you've never said on stage on fucking television. And you're a workhorse too, Mike.

You're not going to go up and just wing it. You know, you're writing jokes, fucking constant. The cool kids are fat and up and just wing it. You know you're writing jokes fucking constantly the cool kids are fat and bald Yeah, the nerds are fucking a millionaires the nerd all the kids that did the work and did the shit Went to call got jobs and they got retirement and fucking, you know pensions and the fucking cool bad ass dude is living in his mom's basement wearing about his future

And this is that instance, you know like Lawrence everybody And the fucking cool bad ass dude is living in his mom's basement and worrying about his future. And this is that instance. You know what I'm calling everybody? What a rock stars, this is my theory. All rock stars, you know what they are? Fucking nerds. They're nerds who went to music class and fucking band and whatever.

And then all of a sudden grew their hair, played rock and roll, and they get all the pussy and all the shit and all the jocks. Even in the pop wand or somewhere. You look like what we end up valuing in the span of history. And it's like no one remembers who was in Shakespeare's plays, but we still honor the guy that wrote them. I just wanted to always give that speech, and it meant nothing.

So I just thank you. Yeah. Really. Thank you for allowing me on my show. You don't jump out the window after that. Yeah, yeah, thank you for allowing me on my show Jump out the window after a good part of the Like a ten time more poignant Yeah, but he's a better writer than yeah, that was Jake's parents what would talk?

I got first place and poignancy Politicians need to be more accountable to their crimes. I just think that this joke if he says my your first way says your what did he say was the opening line on his joke? You're a second generation shitty comic. I thought it was funny, which is that when he said that I was like that as a fucking great line. It's awesome. It took two premises. Yeah, the subject had in the predicate We're totally different. You should have just went to your mom. Yeah, yeah, just went to you. Is your mom still alive? Yeah, okay, And even if she wasn't, then you'd definitely go to the mom. Absolutely. Now we're inside the mind of a maniac. Yeah. You could have went to his mom. Yeah. That's the same facial hair. And I mean, I mean, I've got cancer.

Even deeper. The thing, the road to roast battle show, you know, you did the one in Austin. I did the one in New York against a very funny comic, Scott Chaplin. And I did a joke about his dead dad. And his dad was a police captain. And he Scott was saying like he got text from like like Jersey cops like we got to do something about this. And he's like, no, they're jokes. Oh my god. Yeah. That's how it's saying back to the junior high thing. It was capping and everything ended with your mom, you know, and then it was fist on, you know. Well, it's not, it's not your roast the ones you love.

It's the your roast the ones that you fucking don't know. Or lined up against. Who gives a shit because I want that money. Yeah. I want to be fucking. Roasting is changed now. Yeah. But I will say the whole competition,

I got so much closer to the people there over the, you know, like the guy that I battled in the first round, Matt Brussard, as a guy didn't really know, but like when I battled, you know, when I found out I was battling him, we talked on the phone for an hour. You know, we hung out in Montreal, we became friends when he lost, he texted,

he's like, I hope you win the whole thing. He texted me, congratulations. You know, you get closer because you're thinking about that person so much. Yeah, Emily. Do you have any, I'm sorry, Bobby. I'm sorry. Can you ask Mike?

Do you have any, I'm asking if you're fine. Do you have any roaster? Did you like, when you like, I mean, obviously you're so into this. Do you have any favorites that you go back and watch from like roasts past? You know what I mean?

Do you have any like favorite roasters inside the actor still you know the roasters really really I mean you know like I love watching I mean Gerardo is a way better but I mean he's I fucking love I had to I helped Jay write his roast jokes about everybody else for Jay's roast and I just watched Gerardo over and over and over

and I was like, if I could be, if he's a 10, if I could be a 6, I'd be happy. You know what I mean? I mean, different people have different stuff like I mean Gilbert Gaffrey is fucking amazing, but no one else can do what he does. Nobody. But he is a perfect guy who does personality. It's not really the joke, the actual format of the joke of the the structure of the jokie sing that's great it's gilbert doing it his way so it's a

good joke but actually that's what ralfi i think was relying on that is ralfi's such a massive presence on stage and i don't know if that's not a fact yeah yeah that he was relying that with this shit would probably work at his crowds are on radio blah blah where and and and you came in I think it's like Gilbert doing it his way. It's like you know Gilbert doing it I see some of that yeah, I just I see some of that in Christie like I think you could be that kind of Gilbert You know what her yeah, I just their her style of roasting and all that is very unique Let's go to this last one I want to hear this I want to because I want to bring up your roast

Right now stuff right now. Did you know did you know? Right then that you got it I you had you had your head down in this humble bow like some Japanese fucking ninja ninja, you know honoring Like some Japanese fuck ninja ninja, you know honoring I'll put the head yeah All right, good pull over out for you mainly because he breaks through walls to give them cool. Hey It's a great. I mean listen man you this is why it's a great. Yeah, I said heard that before, but here's the thing, there's no fat on that joke. Nothing.

No, that's good. Remember, like, okay, last week we did the, you know what dude, on OP's channel, we had Colin Hay from Men at Work. Yeah, and I remember. Shit, that's cool. He actually did, he told the story about the guy who died from the stingray. What's his name? Steve Irwin. Steve Irwin, another guy. The next day.

What would it be amazing if his name was Ray? He is a Ray. The next day. The next day. The next day, another guy died from stingray. Really? It was weird. And he brought it up.

It was weird. He just brought up these facts. And then he was talking about a little while later about his friend who died, the other guy in men at work. And someone said, how do you die? And I went stingray. But dude, it was, no. But if it was so funny,

but if I had added one more word, it would, he would have fucking beat the shit out of me. Yeah. Like it wouldn't have been funny. What does the guy with this thing right? That would have been fucked. And that's, these jokes, the equations. This is exactly, yeah. It is. I really, I think it wouldn't have been funny. What is the guy with this thing right? That would have been fucked. And that's it. These jokes, the equations. This is exactly, yeah.

It is. I really, I'm sure. If you had in one more word to that, it would have been a fucking shitty hackie. That's why you run them by so many people, you get it perfect. You do. Yeah, everybody.

It's like when you're doing a regular joke and it's too wordy, and you go, it's not working anymore. Because you just fucking too wordy and you go, it's not working anymore because you just fucking too wordy just start slicing it back. Yeah. So all right, let's hear Ralphie's retort. Oh my God.

Wow. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. At this point, you knew you had it. Mike, I'm not saying you're retarded, but when you eat a girl out,

it's called Going Down Syndrome. Okay, here it is. Here's the new girl. All right, stop. It's, uh, it's trying to be polite, Bob. No, I'm just saying that it's a look. It's not a finals in the roast Joe, right roast battle joke. Yeah. I mean, when they go down, down syndrome, it's a word play. But the momentum, even look at the face.

Like, yeah, that's actual angle. Yeah, he's mad. That joke. Yeah. But the momentum of the room, I mean, everyone, you just got a huge gunshot. He literally would have had to, yeah, I mean, he had a slaughtered in order to but you can't look I don't think but you don't know what Mike's coming out with so the people that he probably that would have been a fine joke You don't know this clock soccer is a gunslinger That's what's weird about winning is that like my biggest advantage has always been like you know matter what I've done like People always underestimate me. Like, just based on how I look and shit like that,

like this fucking bum. And I mean, now, like, that's gone. That's one of my benefits. And I guarantee if they went at it again next year, this motherfucker would do his homework. Oh yeah, I'm going to swing it. Oh yeah. I mean, if they do an extra, you got to do it.

You got to defend the crown, right? Yeah, we'll see. All right, so let's hear this next, Joe. This part of Ralphie's divorce was getting the ring office finger. Dude, there's no fat. Yeah. The hardest part of Ralphie's divorce is getting the ring office. There's no fat.

Yeah, the word economy is great on that, man. God. All right, go ahead. Go, Jim. Told you, Pat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Mike reminds me of Papilla Pugh from the Looney Tunes Cartoon. He smells like shit and he's rapiest. Oh, I actually do that to good show. That's funny. I like thatiest. I actually think that's a good show. That's funny. I like that joke. I thought that was pretty good. And then he comes out with this Fabrice.

Yeah. Which I thought was fun. I also like that he clarified Looney Tunes cartoons. Like, Pepe LePue from the hit ABC show scandal. You know? Oh, Looney Tunes, thank you. Well, because if you don't, there's a lot of kids that don't know what the fuck looney tunes, they don't play looney tunes anymore. You know, Papua La Pue.

Hey, Papua La Pue pretends to be French and they're in Montreal, a whole city that does that. I got that. Last joke. I am battling an angry cloud I didn't understand this what is this stop what I said it was for breeze like I guess because he smells oh did that's when he sprayed the debris and you call them an angry angry cloud yeah that was just a riff but I actually did like the

for breeze I thought that he pointed it. But him taking it out right then, like only offers you another riff. You know, like that's, he's so on his heels at this point though. Yeah, the sprains of the world. This rose battle's been brought to you by Fabriz. Stake it off. Here's a problem with this joke.

You know, is that you can't, nobody can smell you. That's what I was saying. Nobody knows that you have a reputation of a stinking. I think you look at me and it's into the believable premise. I'm next to him. I didn't smell at all. That's what I was first thing I was like, my sitting next to him.

That's the money, but that's the thing you do. He did an Aussie Osmo first. Comedy sit, shut up, fucking nice room. Yeah, he did. He smelled on Monday. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. The fog just makes you look more like the iceberg that sunk the Titanic

Is that just a riff? I don't know he was gonna bring for breeze. I don't know. I don't know So fucking dummy we look at it All right the roast is over fucking That's a rebuttal. That's a rebuttal. It's fine. Go ahead, Mike. Well, Ralphie, I know you think it's back to make fun of you for being fat, but here's the thing. It is. Stop. Your family's gone.

Your family, just remember that. There's two things that he did. You can tell he's on tilt. This is when I was like, oh boy. And I was hoping you didn't have what you had in the fun. I was hoping you weren't gonna pull both chambers. Yeah. Because he went, he went, oh, he gets tow. So now he's kind of going to the judges on a rose battle, dude.

This isn't the NBA finals. Yeah. It's okay. Also to a match, like the feeling of this joke is mortal combat where the skies get dark in the Funny I was really to bring it on an I brought it on an alpha male level But yeah to a nerd fucking right yeah, too right and then he goes he gets to yeah, and then but you knew it was coming You put your finger up. You're like oh yeah, it's like

But it wasn't too cuz he did the for breeze it was a rebel yeah he's on tilt and then he goes I know it's hacked the fat jokes it is he's trying to mine fuck everybody that though that yeah you are but he was like it is which is like first of all dude if I'm going in it and I was fat as him I know I'm gonna get fucking smashed on my tits. Fat fucking my wife's gonna be dragged in. I know what's gonna happen. So it's not, I'm kidding. That's why you said I don't think I want to do that. No, no, no, I just, I don't care about that. I just wouldn't be able to. I would have done this.

I would have lost because I wouldn't have the time to prepare. The work that goes into this is fucking astronomical. Yeah. But go ahead. Your family deserted you and dad fan beat you on last comic standing. The reason I make fun of your weight is because it's the only thing you haven't lost. I think you said it better there than how you wrote it because it's shorter. Yeah, because you wrote it with three things, right? No, it was it's shorter. Yeah. Because you wrote it with three things, right? No, it was three things we bought.

Oh, I got you. I got you. You saw it. It's, it's fuck, I mean, dude. Yeah, it's awful. And then, here's the thing, though, they add this fucking sound effects of a machine gun. And then the crowd, dude.

And then you see his face. But you see, like, the lace, did you see his face, though? Oh, we haven't yet All right, no problem. No problem. Who drew the Fabriz ball? Yeah. Mike is so f**king sticky, he makes onions cry. He breath smells like his favorite hobby is sucking horsecock.

Wow. Wow. Oh, that's a shame. The wheel's came off. The wheel's off. Stop, stop. Sucking horse cock The wheels came off the wheel stop stop he did a fucking act out We got it that's when Jean Jean the dancing machine comes out Buddy brutal the he started his Row it dude. He started that was like That's like when Godzilla was coming in and there's fire and everything Dude sucking your breath stinks. Yeah, you suck dick your best things again

I know like dead prince. I think the other thing you see like you see Jimmy Kimmel fucking die laughing at that like these late-night show hosts are almost like Presidential candidates, you know like you to look at what like a guy like that fucking dying at a joke that's so fucking brutal Buddy, I think that like adds to the whole I was just on watching on TV. You're just like Here's what you do when that happens you fucking get on your knees and you bow And you go down gracefully literally You fucking get on your knees and you bow. And you go down gracefully. You literally take Donald Cullion's hand and you just, I'm not kidding, you fucking, you have to. You know what, the funny thing is,

like, I had three other battles in that competition. That's what, yeah, sorry. And that's the only one anyone talks about. Because it's like when you, the one with Broussard like he was great the K Trevor Saratiana and we were like back and forth this is the one people are interested the K Trevor one is spectacular he's for Joe grinding between the two guys was mind-bought I easily could like Tony

Hinch what's his name Hinch Cliffs yeahinchcliff, I liked it because the guy had some good ones against him and he laughed. Yeah. You could tell he was like that. Oh Trevor, he's the sweetest guy in the world. But he had some, he laughed at the jokes and he thought they were funny. He walked out in a pseudo armor.

He's not taking him as health sociers. I think his personality, I understand what you're saying. Him against Norman was a little, not that way though. Oh really? Him against Norman, you were like, like there was like you could tell there was animosity Oh, that was shadow versus fog It was like was it really it was I mean, they're just they're so identical It was I mean that was a fascinating match up to me and you're watching in liai It was like and he didn't do that with him you could tell that there was a relationship before with the other guy right?

Yeah, I mean both L.A.A. I did not know that I Because I thought I saw him laugh I watch this episode or whatever the hell was on the comedy thing And he was getting kind of smashed and he was laughing so I thought it was that's what I that's what I like this Shit when the other guy who's getting smashed into it. Well, that's why people are talking to you about this one Because you can tell he's fucking angry. Yeah, you've been through Fabrice. Yeah. Yeah. You see a fact I throw Fabrice? Yeah. And at the end of it, at the end of it be like, okay, now we're playing.

Like, no, you've been playing the whole fucking time. Like, yeah, it was a fucking... That was a pretty sad ending. And people like Ralphie and people like Jimmy Carr. I think it's a disadvantage to be kind of the bigger name in a battle. I think the utter... I believe that's it. I believe that's it. I believe that's it. think the I believe that totally I believe that's a hundred percent absolutely that hurt Jimmy versus Earl for sure because you guys got

nothing to lose man it's all the game you're on TV and you made it that far Jimmy Car though laughed at the good ones that's why I love Jimmy car but he got slammed by that guy. What's his name? Earl Earl. He got fucking slammed and his first of all Jimmy cars laugh as hilarious. He was the sweetest guy. Like the day of the finals. He took me out to dinner. He fucking like he's a great guy. He took a picture that he put on Twitter. He was like a great joke writer won this, you know, he is one of the nicest human beings. He is sweet, man And he is what he and that's what bug me about the judges What are you doing we can hear that positive? Yeah, I wait for me

He was like if it if he's like if it can't be me. It's you and that was fucking, you know Well, you know what he's here's a thing Well bug me about that is they go you're holding a clipboard. Okay Well bug me about that is they go you're holding a clipboard. Okay, Fucking Jimmy and and non-stand-up comic We used to be Seth Rogen. Okay, but it's like dude. It's Jimmy car. That's what he does Yeah, no you're fucking comedians Jimmy. He's so you're holding you're reading it. Yeah That's what Jimmy does in his fucking hour show New one that he writes every year and does a tour in fucking London never has to show his face in this fucking hour show, new one that he writes every year and does a tour in fucking London,

never has to show his face in this fucking country because he's a multi-millionaire from writing great jokes and performing them and that's his thing. It's like asking Judy Tannuto to not fucking bring her stupid accordion or whatever she, her on stage, it's his thing. And that kind of bugged me that they took,

they didn't, because I think he won that rose battle to be honest with you. I think he beat her out. I think Jimmy won. Yeah. But they took it away because of his fucking clipboard that that's his thing. I mean, like a ability.

I don't know who that is. It, that's the thing, like, it's Judy T'Nudot. Should I know with that? Yeah, she's that chick that used to have the accordion. She'd have like crazy, like a heavy 80s. Yeah, she's that chick that you used to have in a accordion. She'd have like crazy. Oh, team weird comedy 80s. Yeah, like a Pepe La Pue.

Yeah, when you were doing fucking field hockey. Get the sport right, it's La Crosse. No, actually, in joke clubs, that you're a broad, and you don't feel hockey. It was a fucking, you're a little queen joke. Mixed in with sports, I mixed it too. Look, it's like when I got this. I love that you didn't get it. You made my joke even better. con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan.

¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida, murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Ah, hi, so here, first of all, can we, can somebody talk, can we first get eyebrows for Jeff Ross if there's a season two? All right, I put the wig back on because I'm getting sick of him stealing my look. He really, he looks, I mean Jesus Christ, I love Jeff, but God damn.

He is a face made for a fucking cave. I think it's nice that a burn victim does a roach. We're being rude. I don't even get, is he dying? I wait, does anybody ask him if he's okay? I mean, is this, is this a final wish? He's not getting skinny, so. Wait, but he's skinnier than me, which bugs me.

Because he's always been my fucking fat barometer. As long as I'm not as fat as that fucking guy, I'm not. And now I'm fucked, because I saw the show. I tell you, tell me if season two happened They were gonna make you lose weight. Yeah, yeah, I actually you did made them write new stuff Really? Yeah, cuz you told me that on my podcast. Yeah, I'm fucked if season two happens I got to lose weight. They wish I was supposed to lose weight And you just said fuck you. I'm not no, I actually am an addict and my the core of who I am

Oh, yeah, is crying for help and the only way I get that is my pizza and carbohydrates and sugars So I didn't do it the devil inside me did What is the devil inside you has Chrissy's voice? Just one more piece of cake. I've been there, Bobby. You don't have to tell me, man. Can't be as my fucking demon. I would love if Dean, if you talk about your addiction to, like, Candy in front of the Alice in Chains members

who buried their leads in her life. I did tell him that. It was torture to be on that tour, because you know when you're in those green rooms And one side is just pies and fucking Eminem's and cookies so hard to not eat shitty on the road And then they go oh there's your stuff over there. It's like two carrot sticks and a fucking homogrammet we did we did eight shows this weekend with the impractical jokers for at we get it

We did we did eight shows this weekend with the impractical jokers for at we get it Every single time you walk backstage I get it if you want to experience Entertainment go see the impractical jokers my true TV every Monday night at nine. I am writing for the show We're comics. We're not fucking one. No, because then you go to some shows and there's shit backstage but I'm talking these big theater like there's like it like literally just fucking cookies after cake after whatever in the hand you menus I think I'll tell you can I be honest I can't you write the road thing is tough for real but I'll tell you this being on the road alone because you know when when I flew into San Antonio and the MC, Mike, great kid, little fatty, just like me, pitch me up.

And I try to stump him and I go, he goes, what do you want for food? And I go, you know, we're literally in Mexico almost. And I go Hawaiian, just to stump the fatty. And 10 minutes later, I walk into a restaurant and let he goes Aloha. That's great. And there's wine anyway. Just the pig with fucking food. No, dude.

It's fucking loco moco, my friend. What? Two hamburgers. Two hamburgers over white rice with gravy, fried eggs, and a side of macaroni salad. How old are you, Bob? I'm fucking 45. What are you, Bob?

No, I'm just saying, man. But there's no one there to look at you and be like, what the fuck are you doing? Oh, there is. There's a bunch of flat-back Hawaiians looking at me in the same thing. Yeah, I can't say anything. You're just supposed to be looking at me. You're wife being like, what the fuck is going on? Well, that's hard.

I'll tell you it is, man, this weekend I ate a lot of shit because number one, I'm on the road with this guy, and where do you want wanna go to eat? And I got the greatest Mexican restaurant in the world. I went to a Mexican restaurant where there was more Mexicans eating than working. Wow. That's big. That's a good, such authentic.

Yeah, it's great food at that. I tell you when Trump becomes president, that'll never happen again. It'll be a wall between the kitchen. That way it'll be out of again. It'll be a wall between the kitchen. It'll be out of business. It was so good and then it's like, you know, for lunch and I just, I fucking ate and then I,

you know, I'm in the hotel room, there's room service. Hey, I'll have a turkey club. What's that come with? Home made potato chips, send it on up. Yeah. You eat it laying down. I've been trying to get, I've been trying to get green beans as a side for two months now.

You got green beans now. We got chips or fucking fries. You know, fuck. But I can't, this is the worst one I've ever been. This is the worst addiction I've ever had. I said it, I was talking about it. I'm trying to, I'm trying to, the first 25 minutes of my set is just talking

about the fucking pain I'm in. And people, I just, you know, I don't even get it. It's like, you know, this is the word, I quit drugs in alcohol 30 years ago, but there's no fat fuck jail. There's no, you know what I mean? I went to jail. And there's no prison, you know what I mean?

I can just do whatever I want and nobody's coming in and I'm not getting arrested. You can eat and drive. Yeah, you know what I mean? There's no rock bottom that's up for death or diabetes. So rock bottom, because you guys all talk behind my back. I mean, it's true and I'm not saying you guys are assholes but ever is you see Bobby?

Do you see this? Oh, no, hey, Bob Kelly, blah, blah, blah. I mean, hold it in. I'd say that stuff. Oh assholes, but ever as you see Bobby, you see this out in LA. Hey Bob Kelly blah blah blah Okay, I was just checking He's like no one talks about you in LA and then you're insecure for different reasons But it's true. It's you know you notice. I'm still fucking him. It's it's terrible eating on like Mike You're you're a a fucking chubby dude. You've always been fucking. I've gotten fat.

The thing is, I associate skinny with poverty because the worst period of my life, I was the skinniest. And now I'm like married and I'm the happiest I've ever been and so. But you can, but here, that's the problem with the road. I can fuck, there was a point where I couldn't get room service. I couldn't go to a restaurant.

I had to eat at the club. I had to, you know, have free breakfast at the hotel. Cause I didn't have the money. I can order whatever the fuck I want. And also the safest thing to eat on the road is sometimes the shittiest thing. You know what I mean? Like you're probably not gonna get sick from a hamburger or a fucking bacon cheeseburger,

but if you go getting some salad with weird shit on it, chances are it's going to be from some weird place on the road that nobody goes to. So you go through a burger king or a McDonald's, it's the same everywhere. You know? So you know it's going to be good. It's the toughest thing in the entire, I lost 50 pounds after my freshman year of college, came back like no one recognized me, different person on a schedule, and like that fucking shit eats away at your head,

like you know, because you're thinking about like, oh my god, I'm off the, like what you're saying with like, we went to the Mexican place and came back and I ate again, once it's off the rails and you're going down the hill, it goes all the way down the fucking hill, and then you're like, what the fuck have I just done? It feels like you just killed somebody. I ate. I will completely obsessed with food. right down the fucking hell. And then you're like, what the fuck have I just done? It feels like you just killed somebody. I ate. I woke up in the morning and I felt shame. Like one of the, I felt like I did something sexual.

Like something, you know what I mean? No, seriously. I wake up and eat candy. Like straight up, wake up and eat a bag of sweetest fish. Just fucking yeah. And then just feel terrible sick. Like ugh. It's that like why'd I just fucking do that?

It's so fucking annoying. You're so old. But why you're doing it, man? I'm telling you. Dopamine. I do these fucking shows. And okay, it's great. Oh, I'm fun.

And then I'm at this restaurant. And they're bringing me this fucking, you know, pig cheek taco skin That only is made in this restaurant by this and I'm like, well, it's almost an honor I have to do it. Yeah, yeah, I'm a guitar and then they're like dude the K so the what is that? Oh, it's just cheese. What's off? Let's get that I know it's illegal to put a cake in a deep fryer, but for you I went to the Alamo draft time Have you been to Alamo draft times? Oh fucking amazing the movie theater. Okay, you go to this movie theater and you basically They have waiters and waitresses you they have this amazing menu and then you write down on a piece of paper

What you want and a guy will come and then bring you and then you write down on a piece of paper what you want and a guy will come and then bring you K-so dip. The theaters have like tables. Yeah, okay. What city a hamburger. They're all over. They're everywhere. They're here There's one in yonkers. They started Austin though. Yeah, yeah Yeah, you and I mean a fucking they brought me a chocolate shake With cookie in it and and a fucking a fucking hamburger a freshly cooked and I know because it wasn't even, and it was French fries, I mean, two-year seat while I'm watching fucking Star Trek. I don't know if there's a better thing in my life right now

than what happened to me on fucking Sunday night in San Antonio having a hamburger, K-so dip, a fucking chocolate shake, watching Star Trek. I was, it was fucking great. And it was a milkshake. It was even better. Yeah. Do you ever get like, do you ever get your blood done

or anything like that or are you scared to death to do it? Buddy, let me tell you, I ate so much this weekend. I swear to God, my feet, my toes felt wet. Like, I've said this before, I felt wet. Like, look, I'm gonna get my, I have to. I just just know way around it. have you always struggled with I love you you should you should have a job delivering bad news to people I've always I've always here's a deal I've yeah can you please just tell me you defaulted on

your mortgage just say just say your mother died your mother just died your mother just died oh it's I don't even care Say how about my dad say have a salad Maybe maybe you need Christina deliver the you know, what do you think about? No, let me ask you question. Do you do you have a problem with food? Do you do you just no? And I love I'm not trying to lose anyway. I'm healthy, but I like being like a bigger I love my size. I know you're not a bigger. I you know, but I like being like a bigger. I love my size. You're not a bigger. I, you know, here's the thing.

Some people own it. And I was at the point, I was at the point, I think, last year or a year and a half ago where I was big, but it wasn't a health risk. But you just want to be comfortable in your clothes. You know, like that's like a, there's different goals. No, but you're, you got, you know, you're a father and all that other shit you think about a million things

Yeah, you're so hard on yourself. Well, no, it's just I know that it's not healthy You shouldn't feel shame the next day when you're doing something and you're doing it because you're for addictive reasons when you're trying to hide something you feel sad and lonely like I've I've just it was either Drugs and alcohol and then it was sex and now it's food. I never dealt with the fucking other thing. I never dealt with it. I just switched it. Well so much of it too is that thought of like,

I deserve this, like which goes both positively and negatively, like during like the last two weeks and the fucking pressure of it, I ate the worst I ever have. Like I was just because I was panicking. I mean, imagine how bad Ralphie had a thing. I think you would eat my God. They just say like, what restaurant did he close down that? The last two did like Montreal.

Monty closed down the whole city. After that. He's coming. Did I do that before the final? There's a Brazilian steakhouse out of business right now. They ran out of poutine. Yeah. I didn't know that on the news.

Montreal is out of its own. You should swim now, Jew somewhere. Oh, yeah. The city is devised. Of Christ, a sin Montreal. Yeah, I definitely blame you. If anything happens to Ralphie, I blame my Florence. It's your fault.

I'm the bird that lands on the house, and then the house collapsed. Yeah, that's a little straw. It's not my fault. Somebody finds Ralphie's bus at a fucking water burger parking lot. It's been here for four days. Just smoke coming off the roof. There's no God.

I did, I'm just an asshole who did this job. I'm nervous because ever since I was 18,'ve had high cholesterol and it's just hereditary in my family and I can't lose like in practical jokers do too. Well, I told them about it. You know what I was thinking about working in practical jokers, which airs Thursdays at 10 on three to eight. You know how you work with the impractical jokers practical ask us. Yeah.

Oh wow. Wind them up. And here we go. I don't think you have to wind them up. You know how you work with the impassible jokers practical ask us Mind them up I don't think you have to wind them up. I know I know I know but I So he's so annoyed right now Don't do it take this what do I do that was funny? That becomes a thing that will kill him That Ralph made that was really great Can you try to make a fool are bad at like He's trying to make a point their own fire If you're really bad at taking a joke, You know what I mean? You must have seen

that a lot though, doing like hosting the show at the stand. Oh my god. Do you see anybody just completely break down? Shit. Like a one guy. Who's the one? Yeah, I don't, I'm on name them. Um, but yeah, but I, but uh, and I wasn't there for it. Uh, but LA has had this show for like over three years. New York were the only ones who ever made someone walkoff stage during it. Oh, no shit. Yeah. What happened? I mean, I just had to confirm my spots with SD. Oh, okay. Oh, fucking seven of them. No. So what happened was the guy, I mean, the guy didn't do well. Then he got ripped apart. But then the part that bottom the most was was rich. Vos was a judge that night. Oh, boy. And he it wasn't that he was like

Whaling on him. He just started giving him advice like he was like listen kid. You know you just like if you work his rich rust I don't know I'm right. I'm ready to do a boss. It's a list. I'm sorry. I didn't win Dana Carveys in press and show So he's on that impression of a show Book me Mike. Yeah, I'm gonna take you out of the box So he's on that impression of a show So the But but boss starts to just like give him advice like you'll get better at this and if you just try it up And I think that's what broke He ended up coming back on stage two minutes later, but it was like, he came back two minutes later.

That's almost worse to me. Yeah, that's almost worse. There's people that, like, be that guy. The thing is, there's people that take it personally. Like, I mean, like you said it, it is a show what I do love about it. And I get that it's not for everyone and not everyone likes it,

but what I love about it is, you either did the work or you didn't. Yeah, that's it. You either I did one and I won and it felt good. And then it was like, I don't know, like I'd like to do it with friends. I don't know if I have a hard time, like if I didn't know you well, I think I'd have a hard time like ripping on you. It's I swear to God, writers. I mean, those comics that have naturally, like Ralphie May as it

was meant to do stand-up comedy and he gets on stage and does this thing and he's fucking hilarious. But then there's guys, Mike, you're a fucking great stand-up comic, but you're a great writer too. Some guys have to do, you know, the, some guys can go and write this stuff. I myself, I would really have to work my cut off to pull that off. And once you do.

And go again, somebody, because I'm a person, I can go up and be me, and that works a lot of the time. But you're not even used to that process. Like the process of going in and being like, okay, I'm gonna hammer out, just like you said, it's a math equation. Well, that in like once, so once you're in the finals, right,

there's four people and you know that you have to battle at least two of them, which means you have to write for three. Yeah. And that was the fucking work. Like I feel like that's where Raider's room experience paid off of like that deadline, pressure and shit, because that was like, I was fucking drained by the end of that. Oh God Yeah, because you're right jokes are not even gonna use potentially and it's life. Yeah

How many do you write television like how many do you write for each person? I My style is like I'm not a guy who like writes a shit ton of jokes. I write One that I really believe it and I spend a lot of time on it I think that's a much better way to do it than just here's 20 So I I kind of tried to fucking will it down so when you you were not it Yeah, and and did you win one lose win one and lose I? What happened no? Well, I did the road to a spaddle at the grammar see with my Okay, I went against Sam morale. Oh boy. I mean, a great battle. And I lost.

I've done five roast battles, and I've only won one. But I've done really well. And I think that I'm a good example of, like, just how it's not necessarily all of you left for that. No, her voice is just. The tumor. Oh, yeah. What am I asking for?

I'm just going to say encouraging things to her. Yeah, this is bright future. Now, do you have hers lit up I asking? I want to say encouraging things to her. Yeah. This is bright future. Now do you have hers lit up? Yeah. Let's hear a little bit of yours, can we? Hold on, I want to ask one question before we start.

I have. So one of my few you lost, but you got to be on there. How did that work? A road to roast isn't that like people went on the road to roast to go? Good question, Dean. Yeah, thank you so much. Good fucking question. Why are you looking at me?

But it was like, I was going to ask you about a good meal break, you know? I felt you forgot to ask that one, and I didn't want you to look bad. I got a few cuck's I got to eat. How did it work, but I got to go? Yeah, yeah, because I thought the road to roast battle was the winner's go to the roast battle. I guess not for me, because I didn didn't win and I got to go anyway. Yeah, it's called producing.

Oh, yeah. If you notice, it's not all white people on the show. No, okay. She's white. No, I get it though, because some people, you know, want to show up at the grandmarsy and they didn't go on. But yeah, there's some casting that goes into this. I got you.

You know what I mean? Her voice and her personality is a casting choice that would be you know They know that she's gonna be a memorable. Yeah, she's memorable exactly. It's cast. That's what you want Pretty good Favorite comedian so you're up. You really are the underdog. You're my darling. Yep. I know Up on you guys I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man. I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it.

Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it.

Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, man, I'm fine, you got it.

Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, man, I'm fine, you got it. Oh, man, man, I'm fine, you got it. Are we ready? Yes! This is it! That's gross! BELL RINGS I was told that nothing was off limits here, so I'd like to address the elephant in the room. Christy. LAUGHTER On the plus side, is a nice way to describe her. No, seriously, on the plus side, if you f***ing get it, counts as a threesome.

Oh, no. That's not funny. That's not funny. No, no. That's wrong. It is an honor to be here tonight, roasting Jimmy Carr, the spawn of Pee Wee Herman, and the movie Cee jerked off on. Jimmy, you're just mad because my voice reminds you of that little girl who escaped your basement.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, I have to give you have to give it up to the way the way it's the fuck and that motherfucker's

They're gonna this is the rain is easy one when they reenacted night They did that like the one guy ran into the other guy that he fell over the other I like the one where it looked like he gave me B.J. He turned around and just spued out Oh the music was and the final is like on I think was like my last joke because I went second Was it fucking Jeremy I thank you walking so funny. He shaved his pew. Yeah, yeah TV Thank you walking so funny. He shaved his pubes. Yeah, yeah, I'm TV. Yeah. Oh my god. All right. All more than what she just said. Wow. The little girl that escaped my basement. I knew I knew you. Good for him. Is that comforting? Is it? new you. Good for him.

Is that comforting, is it? Comperty. It's food, not love, people. Right. I was going to talk about Christie's career, but it's like trying to punch fog. There's nothing there. Punch fuck. There are ISIS sleeper cells with higher profiles. I looked it up on the internet and Google said me either.

What the hell is happening? What? What? Can I just say this was, I was on the second night, this was the first night, this was the funnest battle of that night. Just because it was like, they're so different, her and him, but you could tell the fun that they're both acting. Yeah, it's quite fun, really fun.

Yeah, exactly, I can watch this because I feel like she's having, when they did the elephant thing and she went, hey, it's like, thank you for acknowledging it. Yeah. Because now I can laugh at it because I know you. And he was comfortable enough to bounce right back off that basement thing. Like he was really quick.

Oh yeah, that's awesome. He's fantastic. Did he mention sleeper cell? Are you? Yeah. Where are you? There you go. There you go. I honestly... I honestly...

I know he won the first year of Monterey. I would fucking love to go after Jimmy. Oh! You're right! He first on the YKWD. You're going on red in the night! Good bro, I'm Jordan over here. This motherfucker just calls out Jimmy Carr.

I would love to battle a man. I think he's so fucking great. Well, we have Jimmy Caw on the phone and you make sure a bitch. We have you doing a British voice for the first time. Michael, I would love to battle you. That's good. Let me read it off my clipboard. The game is a foot. I love it. To get a blowjob from the chubby girl. Was he sweet to you off stage like before an after-its-a?

Jimmy Carr is the nicest fucking, let me tell you something in the world. It's so great. The fuck, because I did a nasty show with him. Very worried about it. I was like, this guy's gonna be a cunt. Because I love English humor. I love English whitties. And I really do, and he was the fucking greatest guy ever. That's awesome. And the he has no fear at all. Yeah, yeah, at all. He had a close one night after the little midget guy who's the small guy. Brad Williams.

Brad Williams, who kills gets a standing. Oh, and Bridget Everd who fucking kills gets a standing. Yeah, she had to go on after both of them one night. Cause he's late. They went, we'll have the host go out. He goes, no. He goes, well, well, he goes, I don't, I go, he's like, do you think I give a shit? He wrote a joke to like transition about, this is as better, now I know how fucking linking, I don't know what it was, right? And the place erupted when it to his act

annihilated more than both of them. And that wipes the chalkboard clean from everything else they've seen that first pop he fucking knew exactly is one of the best in the world one of the best and so desperate to be accepted by america that he rebelled against paying his taxes now if there is one American, it reminds Jimmy, reminds me of Donald Trump, because they both are convicted criminals

and their fans should know better. The body, look over here. Look over here. I got it out. We're gonna watch it. Oh, I got it out. I got it out. What the fuck was that speech?

Who wrote that one? Me, I write all my own. I remember, like, I was kidding. I was trying to give you an outlet to it. It took her a month. Yeah, it was not my... What the fuck was that? You just wrote a statement.

What the fuck happened? Emily, she learned her first words. Yeah, that was like a girl drunk for the first time First her a thousand words Genius checking his watch I do that he does like three jokes around and then goes yeah, let's hurry it up I know he does and then goes, yeah, let's hurry it up. I know, he does do that. I know, they're fucking great.

I love this stuff. You got pulled over for packing and didn't pay. And that is illegal. And I don't like it. It reminds me of a guy I knew in high school named Michael Robinson. It's sucker. What the fuck? I did why WK did stands for you. No, what do it? dude. It's a podcast podcast are a type of entertainment

But So fun, but the difference is, yeah, humility versus none. Because. Hello. That's great. This is the whole difference between Ralphie May and what happened here. Like, that, okay, the joke didn't go well, but there's humility. There's fun to it.

Like, this was a fun one to fuck. No, you go. The only way to fucking do this thing is, do you have to be able to take a hit? Yeah. That's why we have the bomb band down around the show. You fucking stink. Here's your fucking, just own it. Shut the only time I've ever fucking really got mad at people is when they do a bomb

and you throw them like, I'm a fucking fuck you. Yeah. That was one time. Everybody bombs. Who was it? Who was it? What was the name? Harry, Tarte, Canadian.

Harry. He was just joking. I kind of took him wrong. And I was in name? Harry, Tarka, and Ian. Harry. He was just joking. I kind of took him wrong. And I was in a shitty mood, by the way. And then he was wearing a shirt made out of bomb band-in. So tied together. But it's like, dude, it's like you gotta be, look, everybody stinks.

Everybody says it. Everybody takes, just take the hit. And you're adorable. Good for you. You're bowed down. You fucking knew you're stunk. Even here, you can't even watch it Nothing makes it. I want to listen to you going to Tyra and Trump

And Hillary is gonna And Bernie And that's why I think finding Dory is better than finding Nemo Finding Dory is better than finding Nemo. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha No! Terri! What? Topsy! Oh! So much fun. But like just the laughs that you guys are having such a good time. You got to laugh. Yeah, you can't. What the?

Just Kevin Hart, looking at the way. He had his father arrested for basically just annoying him. So after this battle he'll probably have me killed. But at least when I die I'll have living parents that will come to my funeral. Oh. Oh. Jimmy Clark. Yeah.

Jimmy Clark loves it. He's having such a good time. He fucking loved it. Is his parents dead? His mom's dead, his dad is like talking to him. They don't die. The husband heart not know what the show was. I don't think so.

Kevin Hart just played 55,000. He doesn't know what fucking stand-up comedy rooms are. His response to this whole thing is like What they do realize Kevin Hart will agree to be in any any I mean I mean just keep with her in his ear when he's getting paid Yeah, that's what I had to run a 10k the next day For fucking heart from whatever foundation, but his reactions. You're just like are you like did you just so fucking fun? This is it is exactly what if they're both having fun it doesn't matter

who's the funniest you're not even thinking about you just like that it makes your last one of the it reminds me a lot of working for impractical jokers it's very fun i need my blood i got a croat what the hell is in practical oh it's a TV show that's on Thursdays at 10 on true TV I'm a writer when season six the writers room's gift was a humidor. I just Used to be court TV Gifted

This human was his writing gift My ideas for He scraped off true TV from the top His show is very much like sex carbonara sex drugs and wrong and roll which is on Thursday night Network war here's what's fascinating. I know we actually need people to watch Network war years was fascinating. I know we actually need people to watch 11 million fucking retards going fucking drum off the boat But what's fascinating is that like Bobby? I know I know people getting Ralphie May mad over here. There were people on Twitter

Your people on Twitter that don't get the wave. I think the wave is the best much as energy I'll tell you right now. The wave was the wave is the best part of a show I won asshole. All right. The way to cut the fucking Seven guests today is Mike's idea. Okay, say that again, Dean. You have to have the wave to cut the insanity or else It's just gonna get too fucking fierce It's so fun. It's the most brilliant thing ever invented. I've never seen anything that's so unique, so original, so hilarious. And they have to write new stuff.

They have to come up. And they do it. These guys are amazing. And they break the monotony. And the tension is relieved immediately where everybody's like they're not thinking about that. The joke killed. Now they're fucking like what the fuck is going on? It's amazing. And they're laughing again. And it doesn't simmer like the guy like it'll break it, break it, break it. You know what it makes it a show. Yeah.

Instead of this mean thing. You know totally. That's why it takes the street corner out of. Yeah. That's the thing that Dean was talking about. Like that's why they don't throw punches. That's when the punches will be thrown. Right. Like when this is going on, when guys get this dicks up, everything the stand is too small for. And I just don't think it works in New York as well. But it is. Well, that's different. Yeah, you don't want to have a wave and I get every show. Yeah. All right. Let's listen to this. And it's their thing. I got to do a read real quick. Wow. Imagine all this crap she had to bring out to Montreal. Last joke.

You like it. I don't know what to happen. Last joke. How many rounds have we got? Your voice has put women's live back 50 years. There is a lot of pressure on women in our industry to be beautiful and thin and I just like to acknowledge your bravery. That's funny.

You're a f***ing funny. You're a posseer, sir. Okay. What I love to is I don't, does he, he never says fad in this, does he? No. That's what's fucking brilliant about it talk he was so wonderful beforehand yeah he talked to me a lot about sort of a strategy he asked if I wanted to go his his whole goal was he wanted us to have a good battle yeah so he wanted me to be

confident and do well and he said just the greatest things to me yeah man he was the greatest and then he came tillilly had to fucking just smash your trepiness and then he came on your test. Yeah, yeah. That's all that's for you. I was so, um, Christy, you can do it. I love that. That's the best.

That's the best. That's the best. I'm greasy. OK, got it. Take your time. Get it right. You worked hard on this. Oh my God, I love this. It's so fun. I want to hug you right now in person. I guarantee you right now, this fucking...

Yeah. You're going to be a fuck. This is going to... You're going to be a star from this baby. I'm not a kid you You're so fucking lovable and like me on this. It's and it's real. It's not you had a moment You just you you very rarely do you see somebody on stage in a moment where they can read or just say what this book and you Did that fucking you literally started talking your joke to yourself I you're I can't but I love you. I'm so glad I'm watching this and I Why they put her on yeah, yeah, absolutely I was just asked because I had no idea. No, we know what you're doing Dean

Trying to get some drama. There's no drama on this I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding.

No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding.

No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not kidding. It's so long too, that's great. He's right there. Look at him and tell him. Okay.

All right. When I first heard about Brexit, I was really happy because I thought it meant that Jimmy was finally quitting comedy. But then, I learned, sorry. But then, I learned that but then I learned that black thing is just what Jimmy calls it when he pulls out of a man's ass hole. No, he can't. Oh, look at, dude. What a f- I mean, just amazing shit.

Thank you so much. All right, listen, we're going to wrap this show up. We're going to wrap it up. I want to say, I mean, listen to this show. I want to wrap it up. I want to wrap it up. You can't, USA. Keep it going for Christy Jimmy Carter.

Wow. Good job, man. Yeah, Christy, way to go. You had so much fun, huh? I was the best night of my life. Oh my god, dude. What a f- I mean, just amazing shit. Thank you so much.

All right, listen. We're going to wrap this show up. We're going to wrap it up. I want to say. I mean just amazing shit. Thank you so much. All right, listen, we're gonna wrap this show up. We're gonna wrap it. I want to say I'm great listening to Mike. I think Jeff Ross I think I think Jeff Ross He did it. He does a great job, too of being oh, yeah, he's awesome just Just supportive for the grandpa that yeah. Yeah, it does a great job. Because you think he can be a dick and like the judge is kind of dicky and they'd be in funny, but Jeff is really supportive and he pushed you into that thing. I mean, he was the key. That was great. Bobby, before we end, can I ask Mike a serious question? Can I get serious on this podcast? Buddy, you can do. I have a program. I didn't finish. I don't want you to be snow. Yeah, good. I wrote a program where I go to schools and talk to kids about anti-bullying, right? Yeah, and one thing that they're doing now is roasting in schools. Yeah, listen to this

Yeah, looking who snore in the fucking culprit, you literally are the guy that bullies fucking everybody and the fucking culprit. You literally are the guy that Billy's fucking everybody. He's a fucking asshole. The lacrosse player. He really, he really, he really, he really, he, he, he, he, all right. And instead of, instead of bullying, hang out with three other Italians and just do, you know,

listen, listen, yeah, give me the fucking neck fan. No, use the fat fan, yeah, use that on you. You get to eat it. You're not my part right now. You. No, use the fat fan. Yeah, use that on you get me to it. I'm gonna put it on my heart right now. Kids that are one last comic standing fat fan. Kids in school are roasting other kids, right? But what they're doing is they're just saying, hey, let's roast Jared.

And Jared doesn't know about it. And he shows up at school. And now the whole school's picking on him. Yeah, yeah. Social media, like just ripping on him. And these kids are fucking killing themselves. And they're under the name of roasting. Yeah roasting so why don't we put together some type of like a PSA since you're the roast king about the rules of roasting and we'll

show these kids that you're not supposed to just gang bully under the name of roasting you're also not supposed to ask someone to do something on a pod no it's not. Can I have my fan? I don't want anything out of it. I don't want anything out of it. I'm saying I would have a kind of a good thing. Do a good thing.

Do a good thing for a crack. Well, joke or kiss. Can I say something? I'm going to say black Chad. First of all, the tension between you two is fucking off. I love it. It's just awesome.

I hope. Please. No, I would. I would have to do something. I think it's first of all, I think. I'm going to say this. I know your hearts are the right place, but I think it's ridiculous. This is the one thing about roasting that does bug me, is that when people who shouldn't do it, you're talking professional stand-up comedians.

Totally. Okay, I assume you know how to fucking write write a joke and the person they're giving it to Is signed up for it and they're taking it. We're not just showing up at clubs fucking because there's a big difference Do in stand-up comedy and becoming a comic and go on stage and tell jokes from your perspective about your life for the next hour Is all is is we're forgetting how hard that is, okay? That's fucking crazy. And then this roasting thing that has come in to play is another style of comedy, but it's not stand-up comedy.

It's a whole other thing. And to have kids go and that are abusing social media and making, I would rather go in and say, stop fucking roasting. I'd rather go in and say, don't. I'd rather go in and say don't roast. You guys should fucking learn how to be friends and learn how to fucking treat each other nice. So go fucking it all move it together or go do so. I don't believe that kids should be making fun of each other. Well that's to the point where I deal. Yeah, I know it is ideal but to you know that

they're taking. I mean here's the thing I'll say if they're actually doing it in the form of clever punchlines And things have gotten way better than when I was you know Up and he's like oh great. I mean what exactly are you asking me to I don't you don't have to do anything I'm sorry me. I'm just saying that like there is this like misconception that kids are just Literally gang bullying one kid and you know should be your sponsor for that fucking Twitter Facebook. I know. Social media should fucking crew should sit there and go these are 12 year old Santa. I hope you mother dies.

I talk to help. I hope you fucking, you know, you're fat. They should be patrolling this going on. These kids are young and protect the kids from themselves. Once again, I it's ideal. And it's the parents too. Yeah, it blows, dude. It's absolutely, I mean, schools are bringing me in

to talk about this. Why aren't, that's fucking crazy. What school have you gone to to talk about? So many. I mean, yeah, probably over, I'd say maybe 100 schools. I would gladly do whatever I can to help on what I do. But what I do is I go and meet with the adults in the school and they tell me what they think the problem is

and then I meet with the kids. And I go, what do you guys think the school and they tell me what they think the problem is and then I meet with the kids So what do you guys think I go? What do you guys think? What's up? What's up? I'm sorry? I'm with you, but he's Jared's fucking loser. I don't know I just find a couple nerds Also people to these loose I'm gonna look at my face. I feel like spring spring 2016 page 30 of jcruis fucking telling me. People are gonna look at my face and say let's have him talk to children. I really haven't seen a lot. We'll put you in a car. Another

shot of the adults. Let's live in the room. We'll put you in a cage like young Frankenstein. I'm looking I hate listen I I've been a bully I've been bullied. I hate bully. I'm with you on this but Jared does make a point you guys have no idea Yeah, these kids are no clue we're talking about I really want it when you go into these schools Yeah, and you okay, so you do you get a non-atrium full of kids what happened? It's different. It's different. Some other cages Let him talk Thanks. What what are the kids to let them talk? Thanks.

What are the kids? Are you talking to the kids that are getting bullied? Are you talking to the kids that are bullying? Both. So you're talking to both of them. And what are you saying? We're doing like breakout groups and figuring out like what's, how do you stop these like, you know,

catastrophes that are happening? Kids going into schools like shooting each other up or killing themselves or whatever, but it all comes down to, what about doing proactive things instead of reactive. So say there's a kid that loves doing this. We love these kids that are doing this. Can I stop you one second? A lot of these kids that are should be on, are on the wrong medications, on too many medications

or on no medication at all. Some of these kids are mentally ill. No, I'm, where are you going? I think that's what I'm saying. Okay. No, I'm the owner of a student conversation. I'm going to be a conversation. Well, he doesn't. Well, you know what it's that? What do you say? I'm not being bullied. You know, you know, see that's why I do it. No,

no, we're going to have Mike's going to talk to you. He's going to help you. Mike's going to help you with. He's so about you bullying. That's okay. No, you know what Jared go take And so being bullied and killing yourself. I'll get my talk to you for a few minutes He's only kidding. This is again. Can we can we give him a thought? I don't want you fucking help anymore. I just don't know I know what I don't watch fucking help anymore. I know but I just don't know. How do you even get the bullies to listen? How the fuck the chicks are fucking? Yeah, bullies go, thank.

Shut up. Dude, do you want me to go to school? No, kids are gonna kill me. No, I have no problem. I would think that you guys are gonna disagree with me. But I think that we have a kind of like a social responsibility. And that you believe it or not, to do what? To do what?

Please tell me what you want me to do. That these kids don't understand what roasting is, okay? They're ganging up on one kid in the name of calling it roasting. It's like having sex with a girl and calling it, it's like raping a girl and saying, we had sex. It's different, two different total things, okay?

So I think, do you believe it's this? We have a little, little, little. We have, if you wanted, and you don't have to do it with me or with any, just, you know, keep it in, I talked to Jeff about it and he loved the idea. Who's Jeff? Ross about just how, you know, like, they look at you guys as like, oh my god, they're roasting, we should roast.

And the idea of what it is gets totally lost and one kid ends up fucking off of himself because of it. And I'm not saying you have any, that no one has a specific responsibility. I'm not saying that like now you have something I'm just saying if you ever wanted to do it there are people that would listen and I think it might save a life or two. That's all. That's all. Do you believe there's a responsibility through making the roast battle to talk to kids that would take it the wrong way? Is that I

don't I don't want to get into fucking semantics about it. I think that there are, if you wanna do it, it will help people. If you don't do it, it may not matter. Now, the girls, now the girls, now the girls, they're gonna talk to, I mean, you're a dickhead. You know what, I, no, you, you think not a big deal.

Where would we find these girls? I should have waited till after the podcast. Where are these little pushes? Where are these fucking losers? Where are these fucking loose hands? Where I wanna actually go talk to their father and fuck his smack him around. Bobby's terrible, it's really terrible man. They're really as terrible as kids.

What comic book store do we have to go into to wrangle these fuckers up? I just started doing this because I got sick of like people, you know, killing themselves for no reason and blowing up, I just thought why not try because nobody else is. So fuck it. And if I helped one kid in the past year, wonderful.

That's all. So if you have the interest, Mike, I know there's an audience. That's all. So that's it. I don't know if I'm doing that. I think, first of all, dude, helping kids out. For me, I did my Troy Drive last year.

I love, look it, I was an abused kid. I was bullied. I turned into a bully, and then I was bullied again. My whole life was either be, you know, fucked with, and dude, I feared for my life as a young kid a lot, and I wanted to fucking kill myself a lot. I just thank God, never had the, I did have some type of thing in me where I was like, I didn't want to quit.

I'm not a quitter. I didn't want to give up on life and I want to, but then I became a bully and I took kids money and I hung out with a lot of tough assholes that made me this person and it broke me. It broke me as a human being and then I went to alcohol, booze and blah, blah, blah. And then found sobriety and found light through that. So I agree with you, man, it's a sad thing. And our children, our fucking kids are...

Well, they haven't so much worse now than they ever did, because at least when... We were so, so media-hulled, it was lovely, man. That's the thing. Well, I think we have... We're at Star Hip Hop, like instead of like breaking up a fight, you film it. Well, exactly. It's awful, but we also have it worse as adults. I'm 45 and I still get bullied by people I don't know. Yeah, of course.

By an egg, it's still called me a fat fuck. I'm still being taunted. Someone's shaped just like you is making fun of your shape. Yeah, yeah. So I think it's, that's why I brought up social media. It's terrible. I think that's brutal. I think the's brutal.

I think the responsibility for fucking Twitter freedom, a speech freedom. How about go fuck yourself and take some ownership, you cock fucks. Who are out there. Who are there? You should be able to call Leslie Jones and Gorilla without proper consequences.

There should be a fuck. Okay, if you mean it, if you mean it, then deal with the consequence. Just like regular racism. Just like if I say you're a gorilla, or if I say you're a fat piece of shit, I have to deal with the consequences. So I might get, I could lose my gigs, I might lose my show. I might, but if I believe it, you anonymous fucking cock suckers,

stop making this shit anonymous and have the people responsible. And maybe you won't have the people responsible and maybe you won't have the social media won't be that way because if the little fucks who are doing this have to like music when they stole the music the FBI went to their house and held their parents responsible well for some reason they they talked to kid into suicide and no one's responsible fuck you and fuck your shit parents for not being there and not watching your kids you should have their They tend to kid into suicide and no one's responsible. Fuck you and fuck your shit parents for not being there and not watching your kids.

You should have their passwords and they should only do social media and you should be able to see what they're putting out there. So these people that are doing this, their fucking parents should be thrown in fucking jail. Hold them responsible. Yeah. And then you know what, you might not have,

I fucking hate it. I really do. That's why I agree with you. Try to be as fair as giving them. And you're raising a kid in that have, I fucking hate it. I really do. I agree with you. And you're raising a kid in that world, and I'm sure it's fine. That's why I'm not having any kids, because I can fuck this shit. That's not that's a dumb thing. She's not why, because you could raise the kid that changes it all. You could raise the kid down.

That's a lot of pressure. You reach John Connor. Yeah, but you don't know who the fuck. You don't know who the fuck. What if I have a little Jared? Then I'm fucked. I'm a great looking kid. I'm a Yeah, then I'm fuck a great looking kid Can't use another good looking guy. I can't afford baby banana republic

A great looking guy with a successful It could all happen every kids to be the Pan-Stream I don't want to be the guy who goes to schools to talk to children and also have one of my own that's weird And also have one of my own that's weird For now I want to be the baseball coach that has no kid on the team It's very true. I just like young children running in play Crow hop. All right, listen, you're reading that one for me because you fucking I went way over time I gotta go. I'm so late. I was supposed to be a college show 20 minutes ago But then you want me to fucking your piece. piece your fucking got me to read out of school.

After school special. I got a great show and then you fucking read it out. Cut it out. Cut it out. I'm going to cut it out. I'm joking. But I think it's great that you do that. But I think it's great that he made fun of you.

No, no, me too. That's the reason this exists. Listen, real quick, and then I'm going to go to the next battle. I'm going to do that. Read that out. Hey guys, I've discovered a new way you can talk up. We. Oh, what are you talking about?

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Because I'm in love with her. All right, you insecure. I mean, will you bullied? Do I have to look at you too? You're fucking, you got fucking goddamn Jared put you on to the couch. Maybe I like Box-Doc-Comb. Well, you know, it's not for you.

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Okay, you get all these for less than 20 bucks a month. Loot crate. You should get their mailing list and those are the kids you can talk to. You're both in seventh. Where's the bomb? I already have it. Okay, you should fucking. Jared revealed himself as pro suicide. I love Jared actually makes the the the bomb and do an ass-cott. Yeah, really. It's a lot more than on. It's a thing. I only drink sangrias with suicide kid blood. Look, so Kamgi got with us. Lou Crate is a monthly subscription box service. This is like my wife does what is that one for the girls?

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There you read it. Smart, give it to her. Pranat. Oh, prognostications. Wow. Great job. Give me that. I knew she could read it. Read the rest of that for me. Sure. Yeah. Prognostications, great job give me that I knew she could read it read the rest of that for me sure yeah prognostications The science in the future look towards tomorrow with items from Rick and Morty future on my star track mega man Valiant comics and star track including a model a figure and don't forget our monthly TN pin Do they send you a friend? Hahaha. Fuck you dude. I fucking love comic books. I love Marvel.

I'm going to see Suicide Squad first. You're doing it. You're a bad, I'm sorry. I was fucking pissed that we're the cool kids now, motherfucker. No, yeah. I really does. Yeah. You guys are really the cool kids that you won the fuck you won.

You want to say I'll boat you fucking obsolete douche. I love it. Oh, Doyle doesn't roll anymore. that you won the fuck you gonna say I'll boat you fucking obsolete do you Oh Doyle doesn't roll anymore No, I'm sorry I couldn't read that word fuck off Just read from your memory dean yeah You're on the old school, cool. What's up, buddy? Did your blood sugar go down?

You haven't talked in like 10 minutes. You're doing ads, you said don't talk during the ads. And that's why you're a good person. Unlike these fucking twats. Anyways, alright, so let's go. You got anything on the chat you want to talk that's recent? We have them trying to do roast jokes. Let's hear a couple.

Go ahead. These will get depressing. Go ahead. We go on. Brick top mill says these chat room jokes are so bad deep who's going to read them on the air later. That was actually pretty good. I got to find you. You should have saved that one you dummy. That was the closer Somebody made a better one fast What else you got funny so real That one's done buddy. See buddy says Bobby only roasts fatty meats That's a good one

Jason Max says, hmm Dean Delray looks like a wrinkled white Anthony Keedis from the chili. Yeah, but that's throw throw throw throw the seed that says from the chili. Throw the bomb rag. And we have the bomb bag. That's for you. You're fucking shit ball. Yeah.

Yeah. The bomb rag. That's bomb rag on you. Go ahead. John Coltrane says, Finoia should pitch his ideas to Michelle Obama. Yes. I was right.

That's great. I was right. That's great. I finally paid. I am Mike Finoia, writer for writer. You know what wrote that? Gerard is in the chat. He is John Coltrane.

He doesn't know what John Coltrane is. You wrote that from Michelle and Melania at the same time. All right. What else you got? Is that it? That should be the closer. Yeah. Jason Max says, uh, Scopa looks like he's thinking about how fat his ass is. Wow. There we go. We end up. What are you fucking? What are you fucking stinkers?

That's what I do, baby. That's what I do. All right. Listen, where are we going to be, buddy? I'll be headlining the Providence Rhode Island Comedy Connection, the 19th and 20th and fun, at Mike Fenoya on Twitter and Instagram. Okay, great, man. And what else you get going on, anything else? You can listen to Jamcast every Friday on iTunes

and finer things on Friday at four on compound media. Yeah, great. And yeah, just look for me around the city. And thanks so much, man. I hope you enjoy it. I do, man. Appreciate it. I'll be joining you next year. Thanks, come on, I. Yeah great. And yeah just look for me around the city. And thanks so much man. I hope you enjoy it. I do. I appreciate it. Let me join you. Thanks coming on you too. That's a never-ending thing. Let me know. You know, I mean, sure man. I just think everybody needs to we get it. I'm going to back up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Mama, listen. No, no, you're right. You're right. No, this was a blast. As always thank you,

Bobby. Love you, everybody. What do you got, sweetie girls? I host the show every Sunday at the Standing Room. It's great. In Long Island City, it's really fun. I've never been on it. I guess I'm... Well, you can look at you on. Oh, you'll get me on. Not even come on any time.

Okay. Let me know when you're... No, try. You gotta catch a stop in. He's like, all doing it and then she's like, it's on the side and is like too far. There's that, and yeah the end, performing all over at ChrissyCello. ChrissyCello.com.

Yeah. I put a lot of. How do you spell it? CHR-I-S-D-I-C-H-I-E-L-L-O. I don't. I literally in my eye just got hurt. Yeah. That's why I went out and down.

Bobby came at O. Oh. Thank you for having me. Because the sound of the J-E-L-O. Thanks for coming back on Great Job. Thanks. That's why I went down. Bobby came at O. Because it sounded like JDL. Thanks for coming back on great job. Thanks. Great job. I'm telling you.

You're going to be, I'm calling it right now. Someone's going to come calling for you. Thanks. Totally. What do you got, Dean? It's going to be Bobby, three in the morning. It's shirtless. I think I like the fucking kid helping better than this dick.

I really should be helping our kids. Shut up Mike, we got it. That's a joke Bobby. I was joking too, I was in character you fuck. That was me. I don't use the word hero or that. But when I do it to describe myself. Hey, you can talk now.

Podcast. What do you get to talk on the Bill the bill bird network all things comedy. Yeah, but the Patok got a Jerry can trail on this week awesome, and yeah, you got a great Yeah, you got a great you got a great show man I actually did it when I was in LA this time last year. Yeah, it was great When I went to your hotel where you're doing the up fronts. Yeah, and all those fucking lunatics were down there in Pasadena I walked right by and that one camera was risen. Yeah.

I have video of it. One guy, I have video of it. One guy went, hey, Louie. Louie. But didn't pick his camera up. He went, Louie. Wow. Just whispered it to himself.

That's hilarious. What are you going to do? Yeah. I was out front today, they were doing a fucking tour in New York, and the guys, big crowd, like 30 people. I got a video of it. I'll put it on the internet later. I walk into the crowd, and the guys, this is the famous con, you never know who's stopping.

Famous con, stop it. And I went, who, and he went, Louis C, I'm like, one guy went, one guy guy went you look for me I know you you you but who are you I go dang cook he goes wow you really wait no way I swear to God I got a video I got favorite moments ever I was coming here and David's house outside he was like hey how is Montreal and I was like oh my god I fanned girl down bit. Yeah, I don't know how that relates to what I was talking about We're talking about the impractical joke is doing what's going Thursdays at 10 on true to you

Game when I was you got buddy. Oh headline wise guys Salt Lake City in August 14th, and then House of Comedy, Arizona, September, first weekend. Awesome, dude. Thanks for coming on, brother. Thank you, man. Well, it was so great. I've had so much fun in New York this way. I'm at the stand all this week.

And what a great club. And thank all you guys. Thanks for having me on, man. Awesome. You got it, man. I'm glad I got you on there. I came down to the night and you were just there. Yeah. And I was like, what the fuck? And then I went home and I was like, why the fuck is came down to the night you just there. Yeah, I was like what the fuck

And then I went home. I go why the fuck is any why wouldn't you be on my show dude? Yeah, I would be in a second I saw it fucking guy. I didn't want to be a gay man anytime. Yeah, anytime you're in town come on Dude, I get it. Okay anytime. I'm there make sure you call scope oh and check with him first And then if there's an available slot will put you if you know if it works I can't just text you to your house. I can't get it. I'm finding good in you as well. I'm bugging. Mikey, what do you got buddy besides a championship? Fucking tro 100 grand man. He's at 125. Oh, I thought it was a one-time now. Now trolling is robbers. Well, that's for taxes. Yeah, and then you give your agent and manager and lawyers.

It's enough to cover my roaming fees while being in Montreal for five days. Yeah, you make five grand I will be at last Boston next week August 12th and 13th and You know, no after that go see him Boston people you go see my he's fucking hilarious. Thanks man I mean, yeah, you really congratulations. I was really happy and I you know I hope you you tweeted that I mean I've been a lot man. Yeah man I really did.

I know first time I ever met you we had a little chat out in that fucking weird club. Yeah the pit. The pit and you're always a nice guy and you're hilarious and I love seeing I love seeing guys coming to their own and then last couple years man you're really killing it and I'm glad I got to do it for New last couple years, man, you're really killing it. And I'm glad I got to do it for New York.

Yeah, good for you, man. Good for you. It wasn't battle, that's why I loved it. It was LA, and LA was fucking represented. She was great, man, at the end of Tiana, fucking amazing. But I mean, really, there was so many funny comics from LA. Yeah. Because usually you like, oh shit, they were just killing it.

I love it. They're vicious, they mean Tony was fucking in that. We'll see other guys game Earl. Or he's fine. I met him at this gang fest. And that can, I mean, like I said before, that Canadian guy, K Trevor Wilson, fucking. Yeah, he was killer.

Yeah, but Mike, like you said, it kind of started in LA, right? Like with the whole thing and then New York went in and fucking smoked them. LA is fucking, I'm telling you, killing it, man. Really, there's comedy stories. Yeah, great. Both cities are great every comic needs to be in both I believe that's I feel like I want to come here like every other month because it really

First of all the the the comics are fucking super cool No, and it works a different gear in your in your comedic mind if you're like by colestone You can just work all kinds of style, you know, like flavor, actually, you know. And we'll help children too. I keep some souls alive. What he's going to be fighting for is the future. The God, no, I hope not. The beginning, the roast battle now is going to be like, do not try this at home. Yeah, this is professional comedians doing these. Actually, the beginning of Rosba Lizz,

this is TVMA and Children Should Not Watch. Yeah, yeah. Hi, my name's Mike. But it's all really good. If you're home thinking of roasting each other, don't. Roast means that. Let me show you a couple of things that happen on this. Ralphie major.

Yeah. Mike Lawrence, the more you smell. There we go. What do you got, Jared? You know, I'm a healthy mage in here. My Florence, the more you smell. There we go. What do you got, Jared? Besides everything in parents that love you. I have one. That's the same thing.

I love my parents. I trust five. The other I love very much. A hundred of cord that your dad owned. And a sob. The rickshaw. The rostrophies. Of course. The rickshaw. The rostrophies. Of course.

The wagon. The rickshaw that was pulled to get him here. I have an escape plan. Yeah, plenty servants. I got a welfare mother. I keep an accaged to feel better about my health. A tennis racket. Ethnic cleaners.

Satellite TV. Satellite TV. Very bird poster. Yeah, I got a nice bird poster. ethnic cleaners satellite TV satellite TV very bird poster yeah got a nice very bird poster clean underwear great airline that's never gonna go top side here even though how much voodoo I put on a bubbling Indian sidekick yeah my podcast

I really have it all I know there's not anything on your right you two pairs of top sideiders brown and ten and No, one ever blue one no cavity Processor I haven't decided what Dave Matthews band song I will listening to when I vote for Trump And made hackie sack yeah, I'm the finest fucking dear Yeah, all your college friends are still friends. All my friends.

And from camp, you're still friends with them too. You just literally said my life. And the signed Bruce brings Dean guitar. My dad won in an auction. Because we're from Billy Kits. From the born in the USA, Jordan. Not born to run. From one millionaire that pretends to struggle to another one

I hope before springstein dies someone just with some you were never poor I don't know when I've been pretending I got you know I got podcasts every Tuesday and FridayTrain podcast, you can find it on iTunes. We give advice to cool guys. No nerds allowed. The J-Train podcast with the name this on ironic the show also has to be. Yes.

That's a self-given nickname. J-Train podcast every Tuesday and Friday, we give advice to email. It's not great, but it chokes right a little. It gets going. It gets weird. We give advice. They kind of have the perfect five o'clock shadow all the time.

I'm going to ask Mike Lawrence to come on off air because I'm not an animal like some people. Should I name this show despite better judgment? I think I can. I think I can. Mike's getting mad though I'm gonna Ralphie may out. I'm also I'm on Twitter J train 56. I like tweeting the bachelor at every Tuesdays that I'm gonna run And I it's a big day. It's gonna be here. Yeah, it was a fucking great time. Make sure you farm. What do you got brother? August 12th. I'll be at brokerage

Comedy Club what do you got brother? August 12th, I'll be at brokerage company club. Come take that out. Also, I want to thank the Stan donated money and it gets to my uncle's charity. What happened? What charity? He's a charity guy. Why wouldn't you fucking tell me?

Because he brought up the kid stuff. What, you ever told me about a charity? No, we just do a golf outing every year and they just donate gift cards and tickets to who my uncle's charity My uncle passed away and they do the uncle the mob guy. No, no Dominican Do you have a Dominican uncle? What is that technically? What is the money go for what? Bio-duck research cancer research cancer research. All right. Well, yeah, don't I I wish you told we could have put it on the website We could have helped out bullies and cancer.

Cancer bullies. What do you got? Could have what a shudda. What do you got people? You can just follow me on Twitter at r2dpu. That's the right. What are you gonna give us another fucking one of those videos?

You're gonna debut it on here. That's the thing you should do every week. You know what, I didn't like, I didn't like that the podcast Twitter account, whoever did it retweeted it, and it was definitely like that was me in the vein of like I did it this is. I did it for the war. I don't war hand. I was Twitter account, whoever did it, retweeted it, and it was definitely like... That was me. In the vein of like... No, I did it this is...

I did it for Warhand, and I was like trying to get it out there. I'm sorry, that's my responsibility. Yeah, whatever. Well, I don't think it was shitty, I think it was funny shitty. Like it was like, you know, like, you know, sometimes this show we do stuff that's stupid and... Right. You know, I say you keep doing it, because I liked it.

I liked it, dude. You're fucking... No, I'm not done, but... Yeah, you know, you took initiative. You did something we made fun of it who gives a fuck, you know, and if you ever feel like you're gonna kill yourself, call Mike. And we'll have Mike come into the show. And then Mike's like, I don't give a shit about adults suicide.

But the children, yeah, to crease the surface population. What do I got, dude? August 30th, the village underground creeps with kids with host Ron Bennington to brought out those tickets will sell out all right now yet listen uh... it we are not even kid we're almost half sold out right now if you're gonna come to the show go to the website and get them it's going to be sold out creeps with kids

it's uh... jim floran teen myself mony mcfallen he lose j go mess ron bennington is hosting it's uh... us doing our you know parenting all the stuff about having kids material. And then we're gonna do a panel with people. If you're parents, if you have kids, if you're gonna have kids, if whatever, just come, it's gonna be hilarious. Also, my tour is going on in September.

So it's on it's a robberkelylive.com. All the dates are up there. We're adding more dates. So make sure you go there. If you see, if we're coming to your city, buy your tickets now. Just go get them. Purchase the fucking tickets.

The links up there. I couldn't make it any easy for you. Also tomorrow morning, if you're listening to this live, tomorrow morning 8 AM Washington Square Park, we're doing a photo shoot for one of the posters of the tour if you want to be in it Just be it Washington Square Park at 8 a.m. Tomorrow We're gonna what a just wear something crazy stupid New York if you want to be in it whatever 8 a.m. Tomorrow and to become a premium member

This is what you do. What do you do? It's go deep. Oh, you go to robberkillay.libson.com I believe right you download the app That was Go to just Google when you go the app free. You know what you know what dude. Let me do it I got two I got oh god these guys are quite the salesman What the fuck was that? I usually just as usually just as go to the app store and find it. No one, no number says the exact title, and then I just said the exact URL,

but I wasn't sure of it. So I actually say the exact title. I said go download the YKWD podcast app. I say that every time. Am I lying? The last 15 minutes of this podcast it felt like special features. Like, it's like the actual podcast ended.

This end, yeah. The all the creeps with kids is gonna be like special features. Like, just like the visual podcast ended. This is it. Yeah. All the creeps with kids is gonna be for premium members only. Become a premium member. It's a $1.99. Get the app on your phone, YKWD podcasts. You guys are premium members now.

All the stuff's coming up, all the one on ones. So stay tuned. We're up low to find out how this works. So you guys are the best. We'll see you next time. You know what dude you've been listening to the YKWD podcast thanks for listening now go back to your shitty jobs shitty jobs check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet

and they're all free And they're all free. And they're all free.