Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Ghost Eaters

Episode Date: July 3, 2017

This week on YKWD: We have Tim Dillon, Christi Chiello and Eli Sairs Dudes! We find out about Eli's red neck life and some hysterically racist games they would play. We broke down the catholic religion and talked creepy demons and ghosts that Eli and Christi are petrified of. Tim Dillon calls BS on the whole thing. We get into politics in comedy and Lauren and Christi give Bobby a sweet daddy card! Watch/Listen/Share/Enjoy Dudes!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a costifier. It's podcast, no rules. What are the mic-ass holes? I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic or? No, that's so f**k.

That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 no topics no directions. I love doing it sides of a coin Daydying my podcast is popular. I might affect some of these lines. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on lightcast.com. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, but what? I felt like you made fun of an underlying medical condition that I have. I did not make fun of it. I can't, buddy. I forgot that you have it.

It's okay. And it's not like, it's a heart murmur. Right. You have a tick. It's a tick and sometimes I roll my eyes or I blink. And I think you're having a fucking, a stroke. Shrugging out on me. Yeah.

So I'm like, are you okay? Or I think that I'm, either one or two of myself, a steam comes into play. I think I'm boring you. One day, I will have a stroke, and you'll go, no, that's just the thing he does. I'm just boring you.

He's on the floor now. And you'll be like, all right, maybe we should do something. I never noticed it. Well, it comes in waves. Yeah, well, it's like when you're gonna buy a car, and then the sun, you see that car all the time. Yeah, how? It's called motor comes in waves. Yeah, well, it's like when you're gonna buy a car, and then all of a sudden you see that car. I'll wear that all the time.

Yeah, how about it? It's called motor tics in drum. Many people have tics, a lot of people. I don't. She doesn't. She doesn't. She doesn't. Or a rare species in that you're physically perfect.

Listen, your constitution is perfect. You don't think I've got very, you don't think I can't look so hard to answer for that? I'm not. I'm saying this. Listen, I have problems. I'm not saying that I don't have problems very you think I catch the sarcasm of that? No, I'm saying Listen, I have I'm not saying that I don't have problems Timothy. Yeah, I'm just saying You have a tick thing, but don't give me the stats on you fucking tick like everybody has these a lot of people do a lot of people in the world Don't

That's also a good point You're right. You're right about that. There are a lot of people in the world. No, most of us don't have ticks. Yeah, well, nobody has a tick. I'm not. I know a tick I have is a fucking garden tick. Right.

Aligned disease tick, maybe you want. But I don't fucking, I'm just saying, God bless you with your tick. No, thank you very much. I wouldn't even call it a tick. Yeah, what would you call it? I'd call it, you know, a quirk. A quirk.

Yeah, it's a fun, yeah, it's a fun. But what'd call it you know a quirk. Yeah, thank you fun But what it is here's what it is it will sometimes look like this I go and it's a roll of my eyes Bobby was gonna fight me one day because I did it three times and he goes what the fuck is wrong with you And I saw I'm just rolling my eyes I didn't but here are you're doing a podcast right guy who you like yeah look Tim's a fucking a great Let's not get carried away, okay? He's not a fucking a fucking twink in a tutu, right? Okay? He's a pretty He's a pretty fucking tough guy could handle himself and he's aggressive and he's very opinion

I need very smart a big fan of Tim everybody knows him a big fan of what's your last name Tim Dylan. Tim Dylan. I'm a fucking big fan of Tim Dylan and gas digital. Yeah. I'm a big fan of that. Okay. I'm a big fan of that.

But here's the thing, is that I'm sitting there talking to him one day and you know, we're a couple hours in this podcast and he starts rolling his eyes while I'm pop. Did you make a face like, did you acknowledge? No, I just tried and make it not happen, but it makes it happen more. And he doesn rolling his eyes while I'm talking. Did you make a face like, did you acknowledge it? No, I just tried to make it not happen, but it just happened more. And he doesn't acknowledge it. So now, I'm not acknowledging it.

So I look into this fucking roll, his rolling his eyes. Every time I make a point. And I'm like, this fuck you, you, I listen to your shit for 10 minutes. And then it's funny. And then he thought I was having a stroke. So he did what you do to all people who are having strokes, scream at them, you know. That's the protocol.

If you think somebody's having a stroke, then what the fuck is wrong with you? First of all, I'm trying to say this to Red Cross. You can scare somebody out of a stroke. Yeah, it's like a hiccups. Can you really? I had to know. Listen. It's true, it's like the hiccups.

It's not just like the hiccups. It's not, that's not- It's just like the hiccups. And you really scare somebody out of this. No! I was gonna Google it. Jesus Christ, whatever, grisly. Just turn to the lowest comments. Fuck it in, idiot. That voice is scary as shit,

what it's mean. Fuck you. I listen. Let's go through the show here. Okay. We have my bestie girl, Kristi Tello. The host of Talking Funny with Kristi podcast on the right. Kiss. On the right. Kiss network. We're doing very well. Yeah. Thank you. I really know when you bring a show on the air, you never know how people are going to take it. How much work they're going to put into it. And you put a lot of work in a production.

Yes. All the stuff on the... She does all the segments, she fucking kills it. I was on the show, which is probably one of your highest rated shows. I thought that I'd... Definitely, definitely. But I was really not amazed, but I was pleasantly surprised how much production goes into it. I mean, you guys got a song. We had, well, for you, especially we prepared something.

We had a song, we really think, that means a lot to me. A lot of fun. A lot of fun I had with YouTube brouts. Thank you. Okay, and then we got a course. As opposed to when I did my podcast, Bobby Kimon, Bobby in the middle of it goes, this is how I can tell that you didn't know work for the show.

It's in the middle. This is how I can tell that you do no work for the show. In the middle. This is how I can tell that you literally just come up here, put the mic on and start talking, nonsense, and he's right. And I think I called it a hundred percent, right? He's like, Lloyd, you're not going out with such a deal. Yeah, he was right, but there is no song, there's no. No, you walk up to a guy's apartment in the East Village.

And he's on the couch watching fucking episodes of elementary, right? And then this, you go to the... The somehobrod is working, it looks like she's been there for 40 days straight. It's the left of her poor service that come in. Yeah, it's just this gorgeous girl from fucking Brooklyn who just wanted her own podcast on a network.

Right. And Lewis made her an indentured servant. I'll give you the podcast, but you got to work 17 hours a day. And that will promote you with everything. That's big. If real-ass podcast, and we promote you, we got Michael Bisman kind of. That's too villainous. I go, and his podcast is say, it's just going.

I'm like, yeah. And then he goes, what else we got? What are you? What else we got? What else we got? What else we got? What else we got? What else we got?

What else we got? What else we got? What else we got? What else we got? What else we got? What else we got? What else we got? What else we got? What else we got? What else What's up? Are you physically okay to do this show?

Is it Kim? What the hell is it? Listen, I'm just a sickly looking dude. Yeah, man, you are. Yeah. Thank you for your concern though. I like that you're just showing things out like when he has a condition you yell at him and beret him on air But you're actually showing me so I can say everybody you thank you so much, Bobby. No, you I got I guess you get free waters here, dude. You know as much as you want Yes, and you can have a coffee if you like a coffee. What yes, I got one though. Wow. Where is it? I threw it away drink it over I know yeah, you can drink up here. This is America is it? I threw it away. I drank it over. I know. Yeah, you can drink up here. This is America. Wait, you mean, wait, you mean I can bring a coffee up. You're actually very nice and he brought the coffee up and he said, can I drink this up here? Yeah, yeah. So you can have whatever

you want to. This is, this is fucking cool. He like walked up here. He looks at the one percent lift. That's what he said. This is how the one percent lives. I said in a podcast studio. I'm not how the one person looks. The 40% does it in the East Village and a guy's house. No kidding. No kidding. This is awesome dude. Thanks for having me. Thank you for coming on dude.

I mean, you're, I'm, of course, I'm joking with you right off the bat. I'm very excited to have you on. She, when she told me you were going to be on and you won the roast battle. Yeah. I just want to know one thing right off the bat. I, how many jokes did you write for Lewis Gomez for the rich boss? I didn't write any for Lewis. Stop it. Who do you write for rich boss? I don't know if I don't know if I'm supposed to say who I wrote for someone. You did. Well guess who else you writing for? Cocksucker. Get on it. I need fucking I want to and I want to

mean I want dead parents. I want to put a weekend to mean I want dead parents. Look wait fucking I want Puerto Rican. I want races Bobby I'm gonna play hardball with you six waters Six waters I'll write you 100. I'm gonna give you seven Seven waters, you know what I'm gonna give you a YKWD poster You wouldn't fuck with me. I'm not I feel like this is a prank. I never had no one treat me this good animal You're signed the magication lamp What's a Haitian man? That's a will service me a Haitian gave it to me a dumbation

What you watch you watch you shut up. Is that we call it a Haiti guy? Yeah, oh Okay, yeah, it makes sense. Yeah, it does from Not much water there Hey, you can pull the all around me I get I get to feel like a one percenter to Haitian so I gotta take advantage Well, let's not get sad. I don't want you. I don't want this is the bomb bandanna. I don't want to give this right off the Shit you don't get it at all. I got greedy with that last one. That's all right. But let it slide.

Because you knew it in the show. And you have a weird fucking facial hair that doesn't connect. So I don't mess with guys like you. Physically, I'll fucking fight you, Tim. Is anything hotter than that? How am I supposed to watch? How am I going you for it in real life? On joking when this guy's threatening me with dreams

Hard a little hard With a good time Tim Cobbler than me he goes dude. It's finally working. It's melting and Bobby Because he's a mature guy assumed I was making a pass at him And I'm trying to fuck him by saying you look good. You look decent Yeah, you know fucking much it bugs me that you want nothing to do with me Let me ask you a quick. No, I mean Here's the thing you're absolutely right it bugs me to know and I talk my wife about it. It's very tough

I mean really. Oh, I made a pass at dawn after Easter because let me honest. The lamb was the scope of giving you the gift for the gift. Buddy, I was gonna say, I was saving it for today. Yeah. First of all, my wife's like, I want dank Lauren for giving them that gift.

And I go, Lauren didn't give them the gift. Yeah. That's Tim Dylan. Wait, what gift? Shut up. You got a max of gear rescue. Yeah. That was my gift. Yeah, that's Tim Dylan. Wait, what gift? Shut up. You got a Max Fier rescue? Yeah. That was my gift. Oh, sorry.

He loved the gift. I know. Your gift was what? It was like a truck. Oh, you got to tell Dore. Which truck was it? I got to ask Copo, but it was a truck. Oh, Copo picked it up.

I, I, listen, here's a deal. I, who went to write aid? I, I, I, I, I, Venmo that idiot and said get max a truck or get him something. My best friend's father died. I had to go to a funeral. Right. So he said get, it sounds fun. The truck or something.

Let me know what it is. So I Venmo, I'm like 25 bucks. And so he should have given you something. Of course he found the way to fuck it up. And what truck was it, honey? I don't know what scope it does, but all I know is you better tell done that that fire rescue was for me Was it the remote control one? It might have been escopo world. Can I we make a phone call? Yeah, because scopo I mean you know my

He calls 911 I don't want some fucking hacker to say hop doop Know what scopos numbers The best thing that could happen is scopo be a hacker would figure out his number all right What's is it dialing? What's happening? I think there you go. All right, there you go. That was a long time to-

Did you just hang up on it? No. Hello. Dawn, it's me. You're on the YKWD show. Hi, honey. Hi, and how are you today? Hi, Dawn.

Hi, Dawn. Fuck you with this fake. Who was that? I don't know that person. Please be the person that woke up this morning when you need to take this and do this and then I'll be back, right? Are you fine? Who the fuck were you?

Who's that? Yeah. I'm waiting. Honey, I'm waiting for an answer. Bobby, tell us the truth. What you're going to do for you? I'll tell you this number two things number one first I don't like how hot you look this morning going out. Oh

No, no, where she going she's going? Yeah, she's got to keep it tight. Keep it right. Oh For you Bobby me it's gonna keep you wanting it. Boba she rolls over as soon as I get into bed and grinds your teeth. She wants nothing to do with me. I heard a hoff and puff last night when I got into bed. I heard, that's what I heard. I'm gonna put my earplugs in too. The adult. The adult.

The adult. The adult. This just became a womb show. Oh, right, that's it. That's it. That's it. This just became a womb show. Oh, right for her. You don't have to trust me. Listen, mama, why did you get all haughty patati this morning to go out shopping?

I really wasn't. Well, you had my favorite little pants on, those little khaki, the little army pants. You had a nice shirt and your hair was up and a nice little bun with a bandana You know, I like that because you know, I'm into fantasy role playing. That's exactly how I left my house this morning I also had army pants on and a band that very interesting That's all I'm saying odd coincidence That's all I'm saying. Odd coincidence. Not...

All right, let's just move on. All right. What? What do you want? There's the DASHES! I knew I could snake-jump you out of that fucking basket. I knew if I kept proud you, you fucking turned into what I love. Instead of this fucking phony shit, you gave Kristian Lauren. Hey, hi, sweetie.

Hi, Polly Boo Boo. Hey, hey, Bobbubble Do Kristian Lauren Hey, how you sweetie? Hi, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, Pobbo, P. Yeah, you see how he's got. Ma, what? Oh, yeah. Okay, oh, she's trying to get back. Yeah, rain it in. Listen, my ankle, it just hang on a second, honey. Oh, God, she only positioned, I could have a scratch my ankle if I'm sitting down.

Listen, Ma, the truck, the Scopo give, what's the truck Tim Dillon was supposed, told Scopo give, what's the truck? Tim Dillon was supposed to told Scopo to buy a truck. Actually gave him the money, 25 bucks to buy a gift for Max. 25 dollars, it buys a good truck, right? Yeah, but... What truck? There was no truck.

So what did Scopo give you anything go book. Give you anything from me. I don't give you. He brought 20 10 bags of ice. Okay, which I found it was 99 cents. We gave him 25 bucks. You got it out of his head. Now wait a minute because there was a fireman's outfit. I don't know what that was.

That he loved by the way. That's from Lauren. That was from Lauren. I thought that was from Tim, but it's from Lauren. And was from Lauren. I thought that was from Tim But it's from Lauren and he loved it. He worked. I loved it. What else? Okay, and then that stick bot thing what's a stick bot? GoPro. I thought what's a stick bottom? Those little guys that you had to set up with the with the iPhone the thing we just threw out

that you had to set up with the with the iPhone. The thing we just threw out. That fucking hunk of shit toy. Yes, that thing had a download and app and spend fucking 12 hours. And then it did nothing. I feel. Wait, what? What? What? There was that toy that we didn't know who it was from. What toy? That's it. What was it? The one that was flipping toy that we didn't know who it was from what toy that that's it What was it the one that was flipping over that car in the room that

Oh, oh the one that's fucking literally okay, I I'm in bed The client's up the wall. We have we have greats on the floor like metal grades that yeah all of a sudden I have to I'm like I'm in the bed by myself because, you know, Dawn, the kid woke up so she goes and sleeps with the kid when he wakes up, right? He's like, stay with me. She fucking wants nothing to do with me. And he's not waking up. That's asleep in through the night.

She has a fucking doorbell connected to an electric shock. And in the middle of that, she hits it. And she's gone. I guarantee it. So she hired the ghost bus just to put ghosts in Max room. Who are you going to call? Fato. Listen. So I'm sitting there. I have been thinking, thinking, I'm like, there's something coming up through the grate. I'm in my bed. I'm like, there's some animal is in the grate coming up. I get up. I fucking turn the light on I'm ready to fight it I'm

gonna fight it I'm fucking whatever it is whatever weasel squirrel I'm fucking fighting this fucking yeah you're not getting near my wife and my kid right I literally stand between the door and you know them right and I wake up it's that stupid car. It flips. But here's the thing that flips me out. And I'm like, oh, thank God, it's just a toy. Who's fucking, it runs on remote control.

That's crazy. The remote control is in the other room. Oh, you don't even have a cat or a dog that could press it. Nothing. Right, yeah. Okay, so now I'm like, fuck that. When they're on their own so I'll fight a squirrel but I hope I brought a demon toy yes thanks Chris yeah I

I literally yeah I went I pulled the covers up went back to bed and I just prayed for Donna Matt yeah because the remote was in the kitchen and I'm not coming. We prayed for that. I was like, I hope there were a rise. Well, listen, the only way to rectify this is to have another birthday, Dawn can make a lamb in a ham, all come off, I'll bring another gift, you know. Yeah. All right, well, all right, honey, there you go. So I think we figured it out.

I think that was the gift. Okay, so we got a good toy. It was a good toy. Thank you. No problem. That's good to shit out of me in the moment. It's possessed, but there you go. All right, right mom what are you doing for the rest of the day um i'm just finishing up at the house right now and i'm gonna go pick up max

oh that's cool all right what else that's it oh you can't take it with your wife Oh Don't you're so You guys are fucking oh my god women My I'll see you later. I love bye. Do you love me? I love you so much. Do you really? You both you have not one funny bone in your body She's a sexy voice Don't know what you want to try to get something? Takes one to no one.

You think? Give me that rag. You already have to. So what did you call it a rag? I got a real quick. Let's just get through. We're going to wrap up an hour and a half into the show today. So I have one read and you bet.

Here's a deal too. I'm not going to read. Do not fucking fast 15 second through my reads. Listen to my reads. Right. Support the sponsors and go and do the things to support the show because if you don't, we don't get sponsors.

All right. I got two fucking, I got rock stars on my team. Rock stars. And we need them to get paid. Like Mark Wahlberg and Rockstar. How are you? I have one rock star. And I have one bag of rocks.

How much fucking. How much would it cost me to buy an ad on the show for my podcast? Make Bobby Reed. I love it. 450. I guess that's it. I will do that for you. I think I think I think I might spend the money.

I might do it. I just want to hear Bobby read the air. If you spend your yearly salary from gas digital, yeah. I have stock option. I've been promised to share in the company when things explode. Yeah, explode.

Thank you. Yeah, when what's the thing moves to Florida? Listen, we all have to move to Florida because that's what the studio is Everybody's getting fidget spinners and more you get five more percent of those Starcobs Listen, like it's on the like it's training. Oh, we will we'll have an IPR pretty soon. Thank you. Look, I'm kidding. He's a great You're doing a great job over. I got a card

Who could it be from it's got a is this did you actually melt that and do that? No Extra I came with the car what save the stick Yeah, that sticker is a little extra. It came with the car. Well, save the sticker. Save the sticker. It's really saving. I want to see you to really save it. It's my fucking sticker. You should give it to Max.

No, it's my sticker. That's the cheapest present I've ever heard. Happy birthday, Max. Yeah. You didn't come to the, what happened to you? I know. I wasn't feeling that great. I was playing.

I'll go with Lauren, but I was having a rough one, one second. Here we go. Yeah. That's the fucking live because I know they're both lying Yeah, I worked it out beforehand Cuz she looked over her and Lauren looked at me cuz Lauren's loyal, but she went And she's like she's loyal to her too. This fucking traitor Let me ask the question, because this girl's two two. They yap only.

Look at me. What are you just going to do? Look at me. Look at me. You show me a tidal drop. Show me your tidal drop. Show me your tidal drop. Show me your tidal drop.

I will move on to fucking John Boy with AIDS in five seconds. If you fucking show me that tidal drop. I just want to see the area. Oh Is it a button is it a button? It's like that stick. No, it's tiny. It's like a sticker. I know it I want nothing to do with it. I like a nice fat area. I don't I don't want it anyways Um, so you got me this okay, you're crazy like a fool, but you're my daddy cool Okay, you're crazy like a fool, but you're my daddy cool Hi hair it would a little bit standing up on the back of my neck right now This is like a card somebody sends somebody before they kill them

Really disturbing Bobby you're you're the best dad D she wrote the D. Why? Actually daddy ever I'm her daddy. Yeah, I'm just fucking making my pack of heart. I don't know why. I literally have a pulse in my cock right now. She's still there. Happy Father's Day with Hearts that she put in.

Thank you for all you do. We love you. Christy and Lauren. Oh. Oh. Oh. Community and Robert Kelly was stabbed seven times early in the morning hours of You're my daddy cool

They found his son's head And comedian Dave Smith's bathroom Dave look I didn't want to be involved in this sorry I love you, baby. I love you, baby. I love you, baby. I love you, baby. I love you, baby. It's day when he comes. I love you, baby.

I love you, baby. I love you, Jerry. Libertarian. Freedom, market. It's more like government. No government. Oh, God. Yeah, monstruct.

We are, I'm sure. I know, you guys, we are. All right, so let's move on. Never met oh god Monster We are not sure I know you guys All right, so let's move on so we're doing that show so please oh You too can you not make this like ass old like that middle school bath? Yeah, she needs to not sit next to you ever again We have what else do we have? Premium members. Premium one night in an a month. And become a premium member if you download the Robert Kelly's,

you know what, do it out. And sign up. It's one night in a month. And I want to thank the numbers have been going up. You guys are joining. I know there's a couple of people who had a problem and they're like, I'm fucking out of here. I get it. It's okay. Go back to just not, look at this is not a,

right now what this is, it's just a way to donate to the show and support the show and have some consistent money coming in. We have to do this. The show's gotten too big, the network's gotten too big. It's not shits and giggles anymore. So supporting from the fans is what's keeping this going. Really is.

So thank you for supporting from the bottom of my heart. All right, what else? That's it. So now I want to get to you, sir. What's up? You won the Rose Battle. I don't know you. I never seen your face.

I've never heard your comedy. All of a sudden, you're the winner of the fucking roast battle. And then you call out LA, did you went there to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you guys win a loose? Yeah, I won. You won. He destroyed them. I see you went out there. It was close. The battle in LA was really good. He was right. I did. Who did you go up against in LA? Keith Carey. Okay, great. So you go out there. You win. Yeah. And, you know, and now you're back here. Are you still doing the roast battles? Yeah. Yeah. I used to champion. Yeah. I'm just right now. Like the best. So you're better than Mike Lawrence. Am I? I don't think so. That'd be a hell of a fight.

He could he could he could get the ring on Mike Lawrence and it would be a hell of a I'll say that. You know what I mean? No matter. It might mean him. I've talked about it. Yeah. Me and him have talked about. Are you friends with Mike? I am friends with Mike. Oh, Mike's a really good guy. God bless you. Even Steve's fucking quirky. I'm a funny, woo-ee-ee. That was a big one. Fuck to me, woo-ee-ee-ee. That's what I did. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, back to you, sir. Now, do you think that because of that, where did you grow up?

I grew up in Alabama mostly. Alabama fucking Bama. So you're a redneck. That's my name. I don't think I'm a redneck. Some people might think it, but I have a lot of redneck friends. I grew up with redneck. Did you grow up?

How many trees did you have in your backyard? A whole woods. You're a redneck. How many acres? I don't know how big a acreage is. Have you used a word? I've used a good. You might're a redneck How many acres I don't know how big a carous you use the word used to could you Fox where these talented I don't care what anyone always the best one of the best Dark writers one of the very top writers all these people that fill theaters like Gabriel Iglesias and people to talk shit about them They're very talented and if they want like openers or whatever it doesn't matter, but

I'm great Lewis right a book Classes I could go on in front of Gabriel and be like I too like Scotto read it But that's a no we know that what do you think a redneck is like what how you define it? Sunken eyed sockets Like what how you define it? Sunk and eyed sockets Fucking weak shoulders what long arms and fucking with me beautiful feathered hair What games did you play as a kid like that?

Smirror the queer Queer did you all play that that's a game dude? I know it is stop. That's what you get a gay guy Yeah, no fucking in the ass Yeah, you smear you fucking nuts on the stage You go you fucking clear No, when you come I didn't I didn't know what a queer was when I was like a kid It's a game where you and your you and your crew you got a ball and you tossed the ball in the air Yeah, whoever catches the ball. Yeah, that's the queer and you all be the shit out of them

Yeah, but I didn't know what a queer was hang on on, what's that guy? I didn't know how fucked up this game was when I was a kid. Hang on, we need to slow the roll here. Okay, we need to slow the roll, because you just, we were just a lot of fun and giggles. Oh, I'm sorry. No, no, please don't be. This is fantastic. All right.

I didn't know he was like, what's wrong? What's wrong? Did you play? He's like stabbing black people. I'm like, I didn't know. I was just kidding. Drag the Mexican. Yeah. What was heading in a body? Body. So you what kind of ball for us about racquet ball?

Oh it can be like a football soccer ball. So any ball. Just a ball. Just get a ball. Look, the queer is the integral part of the game. Right. Wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on. They sounds like the gayest game ever and it says pretty awesome It's me the queer is a childhood game of tag involving an object that is held by the it kid until he is tackled And that's a nice way to say he's tackled usually in a dog pile fashion and then forced to give up the object What's the opinion on the game is chain is that all? Yeah, I mean the game sounds fun, but the thing that was crazy about it You all just it's a bunch of little like white trash kids Yeah, and you all just like wanted to be the queer like I love catch

Balls white trash you get attacked and what trash rubbed. All right. What one in one second they attack you into they punch you I mean whatever smear okay now umbrella term I guess so they punch you kick you tackle Yeah, tackle mainly tackle maybe tackle. See, so you're not fighting your friends. No, they're just like kind of being the shit out of you for a few seconds. A little light wrestling. You get up, then you throw the ball off. So it's a Friday night for Tim.

Yeah, yeah. It's just a little contact. It's like it's like going to the gym for when we'd run into someone like Tim. After Tim's third show at the fucking stress factory. Dude, I don't know how fucked up that came was though. I really didn't. I was trying to get the ball when they tackle you I hang on a second. We're gonna watch a little clip really right? What's the point of the attack?

This is Eli. Oh, that's my home video. So I'll get that This music makes everything better Thank you put this over like It's the best one ever inside. Here we go. There's a bunch of shardless dudes. There's a bunch of football. Do you with the ball?

That's the queer I was telling you about. Right. She had to do it with the polo? Dude, that's the one I was telling you about. This kid sucked, dude. Nothing? Alright, nice talking to you. No.

What? I said, see the one with the polo? That was the one I was telling you about oh Bobby's just mad because the game's not called smear the bagel All right, give me the thing. I thought it was funny. I will not take it. Stop it. I thought it was funny Stop it. This bullshit. I love that bullshit. Hang on one second first of all First of all, I take artistic risks. I think that was great. And you made me hungry. Yeah, I want to make all this morning. That's what I know is to go. So I refuse to give you a big. I am starving

right now. I'm a bagel a bagel a bagel a bagel. I had a cinnamon raisin this morning toasted with butter and don't don't be skimpy on the butter. Okay, so listen you fucking you a redneck. No, I'm not doing them telling you. Oh really? If you made a real redneck, you'd be like, so listen, you fucking, you a redneck. No, I'm not, do not tell him. You really? If you made a real redneck, you'd be like, oh no, that dude's a pussy. Okay, so you grew up with all these rednecks, though. It was like a black neighborhood, mostly. You know what?

No, I don't, you don't, huh? No. I have before when I was way younger but not, I don't. Really? And you killed something? No, I didn't. I didn't. I had transgender person.

No, tag, I was young, tag long. I fished a lot more. I did a lot of fishing. Okay, did you have a deer? I've had deer I never ate a deer that someone killed or no, but no kind of house did you live in did you house to this small house that have wheels? No dude, it was a it was a small it was like a I don't know lower lower middle class Skirting on lower class black neighborhood a black and redneck I guess Yeah, you know, you're in the city limits But the the south is four places that are kind of city

But there's like woods and shit everywhere right? So you had a lot of black friends. I did yeah, okay Cool, so you're not racist. No, no as racism as crazy down there still I don't know dude the area I grew up in was so black that there just wasn't that much tension between the two But like I assume I thought there's gonna be a joke at the end of that. I'm so black between the two, but like I assume I thought there's gonna be a joke at the end of that. I'm so black. So, but not dude. The homophobia is crazy though. Like that, I grew up like homophobic and I didn't even know I was really.

Yeah, you're playing fucking kill the queer. Yeah. Why would you be homophobic? Kill the queer. Was it, was it homophobic? Smear the queer. Smear, sorry. It sounds worse honestly.

I think. So you grew up, how did you know you were a homophobic? I didn't know then. I realized now that's what I mean. How did you realize now you're homophobic? I look back at games like Smir the Queer, how much I just say Faggot and not know it. And I just thought, I was just raised to believe

that it's like a sin against God to be gay and everyone else there believes that too. So that it's sin against God to be gay. Yeah, my dad was a pastor and shit. Oh no shit. Yeah, men and I pastor. Oh, men and I, woof. Yeah, so that's almost like Amish, correct?

Ah, kinda. I didn't grow up in that lifestyle. My dad would do like, I call them like, guest sets out in the sticks of Alabama where he'd go headline their church and then like, we'd go to like, launch or something afterwards and those guys were like, create like,

there's always like a farm and the only difference between like them and Amish was there was like a TV in the corner and a stack of Bible videos Or something like that. Wow, but I didn't grow up that wasn't my culture. I was more in the city. So how did you how did you become how did you Out of that culture do stand up comedy and then do you think it's hanging out with black people that made you good at Busting balls. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, definitely. I didn't know what the fuck stand up was growing up, but you had to be funny. Yeah, I had to be fun. It's like a cliche, but the defense thing. Yeah, I had to be funny or I get my ass kicked at school.

Like they liked me because of like like every day. I was a slight, it was like, I was boy, like give me a give me a dollar white boy. But if I'm funny, then they all like me and it's like, it's okay. It's not, dude, when I was in jail, when I was in Jouvi Jail, I was, the one of the worst ones I was in was mostly black kids, black staff. There was, there was three white kids besides me. White kid looked like you, another white kid that was kind of like a good looking jock type.

Rock and roll, yeah. And man. And they were taking us out one by one. They were just beating the shit out. They were blanking party one kid. Another kid they beat the fuck out of in the shower. They didn't fuck with the rocker because he was a big dude.

They came in my room and I told the story before where they all surrounded me, ghosted me, pretend like there wasn't even there, around 10 of them. And then I was gonna catch my beaten. You said, let me just blow everybody quick. That's how you got into comedy. That was, I said this before too. That's how the legend was born.

You know, you know, you don't suck dick in, you know, blow guys in Juvial, because you're only in for three months. Right. If you suck, if you suck dick good juby hall you just get Yeah, there's one thing is just thrilled about being a juby Guys you guys have to fuck me now. I'm gonna suck a dick for a cigarette. You're getting out tomorrow

Well, if you insist So he I remember the else round around him and they were talking about beating up the other white kids, like those cracker motherfuckers, fuck white boys. And they would say, I was just reading this book and, uh, and they said, uh, they said something about white boys, fuck white boys and shit. And I didn't move. And they go, the little dude, his name was Godfather, he was like Kevin Hart big. Yeah.

And he's like, yo, you a white boy. You a horn boy. Homeboy motherfucker And I was like, dude, I am a fucking home boy. Yeah, you got it. You got a so A. People they laughed. They were like this motherfucker and they're like, yeah, I'm a fucker And I was like, that's right bitch. Oh, dude, and they let that I was cool from that on dude because way back then White guy acting black wasn't as hack as it is now It was like that blows their mind. They're like you're the funniest man. I mean of course. I was being funny I didn't I didn't stay in character the right. Yo, what's up? Start saying the end word yeah

Yeah, I didn't I didn't take it. I knew I was kidding. I went back to me that would have sucked I'm gonna do some fucking B movie. That was up. Yo man, give me that cheese. Ew. Yeah dude, that should help me for roast battle though thing. You get made fun of it. Absolutely.

You get, you understand, funny comes from the, tragic the pain of it not to be so cliche, but it comes from your own insecurities. If you know how fucking ugly or stupid or fat or insecure or how just fucked up you are, you're going to have an edge over everybody else because you know more about yourself. Therefore, you know more about other people. You can recognize people's fucked upness and see it and deal with it and say it and take the hits back. And like when you call me ugly, like,

I can't hear you ugly. You can't hurt me. I could have tagly. Well, you said something worse, but like it said. I could have been right. On the brink of death or something like that. You could have got something from the time you did Rose Battle to now.

I saw you on video. You look better on video. I appreciate that. But I'm saying I'm not camera at two pounds. I'm just hitting you now because of, I take you now because if I give you a day, you'll make, you'll hurt my feelings. I got called ugly my whole life because like I don't have your black people not stingy with calling you ugly. But it is.

They like to say, motherfucker got a weird face. They like to say shit like that. Right. So when you said that to me, it's like, that's an even effect. You were still doing your black character. It seemed like yeah, but it's true. Yeah, it's that you it doesn't affect Well Bobby still opens his set by saying I am a homeboy, which is interesting Now I know where it comes from I am a homeboy

That's my one-man show it's a good one Light just comes on I'm gonna black turtle neck andtleneck and I go, you a homeboy? Yeah. Or you a white boy. And then it goes out. And it comes back on. I have a white turtleneck and I'm like, I'm a homeboy. I feel like we're all laughing if you did that.

I feel like that would be positively reviewed somewhere. Oh, I'd fuck you. You know what I mean? I have my own show. He's denouncing his white privilege. He's accepting. He understands. I love the transition from the white turtleneck to the black turtleneck. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, anything for more than five minutes you go oh this is insane and it doesn't even it doesn't even matter in my own life and I just got to find people that I care

about and love and treat them well because it's a fucking night. It's the rise. It's the rise on each side. Like of crazy. It's crazy with your a neo-nazi or your far left pit. Nobody we're losing our ability to have conversations. There's fucking political violence people in the street, and just fighting, and it's like, this is comedians. Comedians are fighting. Lost their fucking ability to be fun. Well, you got the dumbass as young.

If you say anything in the middle, you're attacked. So no one says anything in the middle, so the middle gets nothing like that. And that's where I think I am, but it's like, it's hard to be in the middle because you say something. I don't want to deal with the comments. Yeah. People just keep going at you.

I just gotta stop. This is a very interesting conversation. I do wanna go back to this. But Lauren and me came up, I was supposed to read ads at certain points and we came up with the thing and I was like, well, maybe you text me. She's like,

I'm just gonna write it on a piece of paper and just, the simple gesture of me showing you that, you'll understand what I'm saying. So she starts to move and I look over it, she's writing something so then I look. And then she places a flat on the table, so I can't read it. With the part that I'm supposed to read by her fucking head.

Like, I did it like that. Did you write that we need to get back to the point? Did that now? When you read it, what she originally did was this. I did it like that. Did you write that we need to get back to the point? Did that now? What you write? What she originally did was this. I thought we did that. I thought we did that. I'm upside down.

And I'm like, oh, do add. Oh, do add. Do. We'll do it in 10 minutes. I just want to stay in this real quick. This, this, this, this, because it, what sucks is, you know, if you listen to certain podcasts or certain comics It's it's such a see there's no more fun. I feel like there's no like fun is dying like it's so

Uh It's like be funny. I don't know man. It's like you read these things and they're blaming comics. They're saying that This what happened yesterday, okay? Comics are the worst people at saying mean shit, terrible fucking shit, and it's so bad. I mean, her holding the head up of Trump. Kill him, Shakespeare in the park, kill him. And then someone goes and kills people who voted for Trump or Republicans and people like what's out? You're, you're telling people to go kill

people right for their beliefs. Yeah. And it's, it's not funny. Yeah. Are disposed to fucking with as comics, I think we're supposed to heal through the pain. We're not supposed to fucking I think we're supposed to heal through the pain. We're not supposed to fucking be so selfish and fuck and just but hurt. Well, I think there's the thing now, is it comics or somewhere along the line, starting to get convinced that they were philosophers or that they were the quote-unquote resistance where that anybody in the world walks out of Caroline's and goes, Oh, I've changed my mind on that political issue. And it just doesn't have listen man. Harlan Hicks, these guys, they did it better than anyone prior.

All those guys. Here's a reality. How many of their fans still fucking went in there and like voted for people that those guys would not have agreed. At the end of the day, you don't change your opinions in a comedy club. It doesn't happen. Yes. And I don't think, and I don't know where the idea is, that like clowns are the fucking

arbiters of what is in his hands. It's just not- Because I'll tell you, I'm sorry, go ahead, Christie. No, I was just gonna say, I get there are comedians who do completely political material. But that's why some people think that like, performers do have, sometimes, you know, John Stuart was like, oh, you have to be smart to be a smart ass.

He made a career out of making jokes about comedy. Here's the things, right. When comics used, we only had the stage. Yeah. Before social media, before comics became rock stars selling out arenas when it was just comedy clubs. Literally you just did comedy clubs, maybe small theaters. But now with social media,

and these big venues that you're selling out with people who are coming to see you, how do you not buy into your own shit? How do you not buy that you're some type of profit? How do you not buy into people really wanna? How do you not buy that you're some type of profit? How do you not buy into people really wanna hear what the fuck I have to say? And then when you understand,

you don't have to, when before social media, if you wanted to say something political, you had to do it on stage. And if you did it on stage, it had to be funny. Because if it wasn't funny, you turn into fucking Lenny Bruce and people like this guy's insane. Right. And you're just reading transcripts on stage. Right. And now you just a fucking lunatic. Right. Okay. But now with social media, you don't have to be funny. Yeah. You can you can say all this shit, right? And what

I know it doesn't have to be funny. It can be as real as it gets as a comedian but back in the day before that you had to bring it on stage George Colin had to go on stage that joke had to have his point Meaning and had to make people laugh. Yeah, which is yes I think I think it's a being political is a fallback for people who know they're not that funny because if you say something that you know A whole room's going to agree with You're getting this affirmation without having to put in the work of writing like an actual joke Yeah, but Jay George Colin went on stage and talked about fucking God how God is for shit, right? And I mean his famous face is hilarious about God

You know, it's this wait a minute was bring up George Colin's been a god It's the funniest thing I've ever heard and it made me go shit I mean George Colin bit on washing hands in germs. Yeah, it's like if I'm washing my hands after I piss I should watch my dick because that's the dirty thing my hands have been touching shit all day I should wash my dick because my hands are dirty. It's like he's making you think about choices in your life Yeah through comedy and making you laugh when you do it. do it. I always thought Greg's your auto had the best oniness to point ratio. That's it right here. Big big.

Religion. It's actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in this guy who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of 10 things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish,

where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever till the end of time. But he loves you. Is the best perfect. Is the best part. He loves you. He loves you.

He loves you and he needs money. He always needs money. I always need money. No, no. All the law perfect, all knowing it all wise. Somehow, just can't handle money. That's great. It's permays. Perfect.

I'm still religious. It's you. I'm a Christian. I go to every single Sunday in my life. I will forever. And that's the funniest thing ever. It doesn't matter. It's just funny That's what comics do. Yeah, I think

And then when you and then when you You know, you see this stupid shit that's going on and you're like what the fuck? I mean, you know Kathy Griffin shut this shut the fuck are you doing as a comic? Yeah, you got to know Even on this show, you kinda have to, as a comedian, know when we're, what's funny, what's not, what this is, we say inappropriate shit to each other all the time. I mean, terrible shit, but it's to us,

and because we can get that. But I think it's like part of the hysteria, man, because at the end of the day, all these media people that are really critical of Trump and say that he's like the biggest threat to democracy ever You can't really get mad at Kathy Griffin all these media people these fake these liberals and are fake like it went too far It's like every day you get on TV and tell me that this guy is the biggest threat to the world So there's no more news. So it's like if this guy is the face of evil

There's no more news. So there's no more news. So it's like if this guy's the face of evil. Yeah, you're telling me Oh, Kathy Griffin went too far and then your next story is like Trump to blow up the world. It's like yeah Like talking about there's no more news. Yeah, it's no more news itself It's all it let it news because I've been watching news for the last three weeks Back and forth back and forth in the morning. I just watched I've been watching news for the last three weeks, back and forth, back and forth in the morning. I just watch a Fox and then CNN and then MSN and I go back and forth, back and forth. There's no more news. It's not it's it's it's sitcoms.

Yeah, it's it's a fucking soap opera. It reminds me of when I was a kid and my grandmother worked at the rectory during the day with the priests. She would have to iron their clothes and feed them and stuff. And I would go visit her and she'd be watching the soap operpers all day. Right. And I was like, these are so stupid. I got sick once, I got mono.

And I'm in the hospital. And during the day back then, they had three channels on. Yeah. So during the day, you watch soaps. Right. And even as a kid, there's nothing on. What was your show, guiding light?

Guiding light and general hospital. Yeah, general hospital plastic. And all of a sudden, as a hunker, as a fucking tiger old, I want to know what I was so into. Sunny, and what's his name? There's a fucking, it's almost like a, a, a fucking equation that they put together in these soap operas that make you go, oh my God, what's going to happen? And you have, I have to tomorrow. And the news does the same thing.

Yeah. They do it on these stupid shows. Wait, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, this nothing that's not what's that box in the back? Is that Japanese symbols? Yeah, wait a minute gone gang yeah, and then there's a nine hours of commercial and you're waiting to go back and you find out that it's just a Japanese movie box right yeah Like when all this stuff with Trump first happened I think he felt a lot of pressure to write about it and to joke about it because you look at it and you're like Oh, it's this gold minor material.

It took me a while to realize, like, well, I don't want to talk about it. But you can't even talk, you can only talk about it one way on stage. Or you're going to get booed or you'll that or fucking. Like you got a shit on them, you mean? You have to shit on Trump. Or you're going to be fucked with.

Unless it's really good. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I'm gonna like, can I like me? But like just like playing devil's advocate a bit, like I think Tim is a good example of something like that. I think Tim will take and tell me if you disagree, but like a popular opinion on a person or something, and then I feel like you will try to look at it

the opposite way and make a joke about it. I tried it. I mean 80% of my act is frozen yogurt, but the reality is in the 20% of your school. I was setting you up. I was liking the ball. I don't know. I understand. Just take the joke. Okay. Don't take credit for the joke. I'm not gonna divvy a percent. This isn't fucking gas. I wouldn't know what we have to do. I wouldn't want to stop options. All right, but you lead conservatives.

I give kind of 13% to the joke too. They say you lead conservative now if you ask a question. So if somebody says to you, there's 46 genders and you go, what? Walk me through that. They go conservative. If you go, trust and not see. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't, I do in this climate, you do lean conservative.

If people go, Trump's a Nazi and I go, well, I don't really like Trump, but like explain to me that, concert, like if you, this is the problem with kind of what, what the left and liberals, you have to agree with them. If they believe in 20 things, you got to agree with all 20 days. If you agree with 19 and you don't agree with one, you're out. They, you know, so it's like, we're just like, I do lean concern, especially in comedy, I lean conservative because everybody in comedy and that's the majority of people in comedy are liberal people.

They, you know, they live in cities, they come from, they hate their fucking family in Ohio or whatever and they fucking, you know, they don't like they come from they hate their fucking family in Ohio or whatever and they fucking you know they don't like the mega church they grew up in and like fucking these a lot of kids I tell you they come to New York like and I get it and a lot of those guys are and they're pursuing a dream which makes them a liberal like conservatives don't try to make a living at a thing where nobody makes a li- like but his a thing though it doesn't matter like Mixed a lit like, but his a thing though. It doesn't matter like as comedians, it's just fucking ridiculous that we find the humor in the darkest Eiffel is fucking places. Yeah. And even the people that are being so politically correct out there who are so for the call. I've talked to some of them and they've said some hard funny shit. Well, the thing is hard funny shit. And for them privately, we'll tell you that they don't even

agree with the things they say. It reminds me of certain one. Some of these like mics and shit I do, or it reminds me of like church camp, where I thought was stop. Sorry, listen. Sorry. I don't know you, so I'm gonna have to deconstruct you

as you talk what? My kids at camp right now, but he plays baseball and he plays football. What the fuck is church camp? You don't even about church camp. I know you didn't go to church camp and Mississippi. I'm not like that. You mean the you mean devil camp? No, I like that. devil camp. church camp. We know I went to church camp like Bible camp like every summer. We go out to Mississippi and we all hang out. It was fun. But the thing is before did you go did you have to go to church every day?

There was like a chapel at the end of the day. Yeah. So at the end of the day you have to go you play it. So church camp is you go is it a church? Is it a church grounds? There's a church and just also like camps with a lake and canoes and like basketball. So you slept there? Yeah. Okay, she had a bunk with a priest or brothers as the counselors of regular people. Menonites like not that bougie, I guess. Like we just had like some dudes in Charlie's shit. Do you have regular outfits? Yeah, you just wore like your stone cold shirt

and stone cold. Yeah, it has to be a certain color, right? Stone cold? No, he had a lot of shirts. Oh, you mean stone cold? No, I'm a lot of shirts. Oh, you mean Stone Cold, he lost them. Yeah, sorry, I thought you meant that was a color. Austin goes like a blue, like a slate blue shirt. No, no.

Stone Cold, Steve Austin. I know. I haven't even read the Bible. I have. What? What? What? No, that's questioning the Bible.

That's not okay. Dude, so what, who's it reminds me of is, because we don all hang out. We'd all talk about like, uh, like, post season shit and, talk about pussy. Yeah, of course. And smoke and stuff like that.

Yeah. But then at the end of the day, we all go into the church and everyone's just very, just pretends none of that existed. Because we're all in those, we're all hypocrites. And when I go to some of these shows and stuff like that, I'll shoot the shit with my friends.

We'll say offensive stuff. We'll laugh about the worst shit. And everyone knows we're joking. But then we go into the, into the shows and stuff like that. I'll shoot the shit with my friends. We'll say offensive stuff. We'll laugh about the worst shit. And everyone knows we're joking, but then we go into the mic or something like that. And everyone gets tense if someone says something on stage even close to that. Cause there's a few laymasters in the room who actually would take it seriously,

just like in the church camp. Because a few laymasters in the room who will like call you out, like, oh, that's not okay. You're making a funny comparison that's, they kind of're making a funny comparison that's, they kind of run parallel to each other because religion is what if,

like you do all this fucked up shit, you fuck, you say mean shit, you masturbate, you jerk off to hard stuff, you do bad things to people you lie, and then you go to church, right? And you ask for forgiveness and you're back in, okay? Like you pretend like it doesn't happen. And why are you doing that?

Why don't you just go be that person that you really are? And then, but then you're gonna go, we become for one hour or a couple hours out of another day, you become this person that you think you're supposed to be. And that's because what if there is a God, and you die, and they, you know, that's what they say. Muslims are crazy. But how much crazier Christians in anybody else that if what if you die, and then you go to heaven, you want to get into the gates of heaven, and you're not going to get in. If you're fucking out of wedlock, masturbating, doing bad things, lying, and all these 10 commandments. I mean, you're just doing it just in case,

and in comedy, we're over here saying this, this, and that fucked up shit to each other, but then you go on Twitter and you act like you're wholly at the now, just in case. Well, just because it just fucks you, if this will fuck you out of the business, maybe. Yeah, if anyone hears me, I'm about to smear the queer on here.

The only way, but the only way that you, the only way a comedian wins is if it's funny. Yeah, you got funny. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking Trump. Anything. Yeah. That's a good role. So, but so basically what some of these comics are doing, it just saying shit and not doing the work to make it fucking hilarious. Yeah. Right. And everyone pretends everyone's funny, and that's annoying too. Right. I'm not going to act like what would have made Kathy Griffin Trump head? What would have made that fun? She I mean, she could have made a joke.

She could have said something. She there would no words. Here's a thing. It was no fucking words. It was literally just you scalped the president. Not scalped. Beheaded. Well, whatever.

It's a big, different. You've been headed, right'm I would have fucking if he they scalped that by the funny okay she was if she had his hair yeah yeah but this the thing there was no blood it was just fucking there's a economy I was an economy step on that and not being funny there's a good thanks no it was good it was all right but you know what you said you you would dying it was good it was good it was good I

am a homeboy oh, good is that one. That was a fucking one. I know. Got you out of a beat down. Look, as someone who's almost been beat up by black people, I tell you, that's a great go. I don't like that. I don't like the Tim Holtz resentments on a podcast.

Yeah. That's fucking bad. I'm not right with my program. Yeah, I would have never known you like the joke. He laughed at the joke. I know. And then he rolled his eyes. Yeah, I would have never know He laughed at the joke and then he's all designed this fucking phone And he really in his brain was like that fucking joke. Yeah, but there's an economy in it man People are making money now people getting ahead because they are political. It's there's a huge Apatite just for that you know Trump's presidency has saved certain late night shows. It saved things.

People have rebranded themselves as the anti, and here's the deal. If an alien landed and you had to explain to him the difference between Trump and Colbert, and you were like, well, they're both multi-millionaires. They both perform it for a large, or you know what I mean? Guys, they both have an agenda.

They have a lot more common than they're willing to admit. Obviously, Trump's got a nuclear arsenal of things. But all these Hollywood, all these Hollywood guys that go out and talk about how evil Trump was and at least I don't agree with a lot of the things he's doing. They were his best friends in New York. They loved them. They went on a show. They hung out and now all the sudden the guy is the most difficult.

So and I know that he's done a lot of, and set a lot of foul shit. But at the end of the day, there's this weird thing where you're preaching to people in middle America that get up every day and work for a living and you live in a 10,000 square foot home in Malibu, California. And you get paid millions of dollars in a movie to pretend to be somebody else. And you are some kind of, you know, you see yourself as like a prophet or something like that. I always thought comics were not supposed to be that. Comics was supposed to identify with working people.

Comics, we're supposed to be the ones that tell it like it is. See it from all the angles. But yeah, all the angles, and say some shit. But that's why there's so many different comics and someone says that comic sucks. I don't ever say that because comedy is so subjective.

Yeah. What you like and what she likes are two different things. So I won't say that this comic sucks because I don't fucking know because I like this comedy. I don't not into that, but a lot of people are. So you can't say they suck. Now the fact that these people, now Steve and co-bear of course is doing comedy. He writes a whole model. Very funny, but it's funny.

So you got to, I mean, he's actually trying to be funny with it, but he is my point. It's not the co-bearers of the world. It's everybody that now wants to be him. It's everybody that sees that work and go, oh, well, co-bear's got a huge audience doing that. I'm going to try to do that. And then they try to do it, but they don't have jokes.

How many shitty comics were inspired by Bill Hicks? And they just get on stage and bomb, and you go, wait a minute, that's not what Bill Hicks was doing. You know what I mean? It feels like there's more of a future in being a mildly humorous activist than being able to get comics. Yeah, and 100%.

Well, but also perfectly sad. But being, you know, comedy is more of a one-man show. Now, too, I mean, it's half breed. There was a one-man show. John Legwazamo did a one-man show. Colin Quinn did a one-man show, but now this seems to be some type of half breed of where this can't really be funny at an improv on a Saturday night second show in Fort Lauderdale. Yeah, but I can do this in Florida in Fort Lauderd at a small theater. As a one man show.

And people are going to be like, that was brilliant. Right. Right. Where people now, if you watch comedy on TV, it's it's very, it's almost like it was back in the early late 80s and 90s where, you know, what, what are you? What is your point of view? Well, it's like I had a conversation with somebody and like I do the show and a tour bus and it's just, it's just funny. I'm trying to make it funny. And my manager is like, don't try to make it funny. He's like funny. He'll happen. But make it thematic. And I'm like'm like well here's the theme. It's funny

People paid money to be there. I don't want to come on. What are you doing? But I can look it up on the fucking internet. Oh, you can't they don't have me on the website What are you still good? I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed fuck to them. I'm a 3 a.m. fat girl fuck to you know. But no, he's not a bad guy. He's right. He's telling me what a manager should tell you. There's not a lot of money and it's just being funny. People got to connect to it. So it's got to be more, I'm telling you,

he's not wrong in this sense. But to me, I'm like, if I'm not being funny, what the fuck, you know, coming in there to look at me, what are we doing? So maybe there's maybe what you're saying. There's a happy middle ground. Well, that's where you It's thematic and it's funny. Well, yeah, and this is the prop this analyze the problem Yeah, is that are you willing to do that work? I am I have to be well I mean that work is a lot of work in it. Carlin did the work. Yeah, right prior did the work

Yeah, I mean my thing there's a lot of work. Carlin did the work. Yeah. Right? Prior did the work. Yeah. I mean, my thing, it's like, it's not only, like, I think it is thematic, but they, I'm all over the place, which is what I think kind of makes me funny. They want it to be like that through line of like, yeah. One man show you start here, you go here and you end here.

I'm like, you go everywhere and then I say, I'm done now. And he's like that. You know, stream of consciousness gets a frenzy. It's funny, but it's not. What's you know what the check it out the cell is in my sponsors. All right, boom. Here it is. Blue apron. I love these guys. I use them. I use them a couple of times a week.

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That's bluehaapren.com slash dude. Blue apron, a better way to cook. Check it out deep discount dot com our new sponsor of my show. It's on my site. Check it out the link on the right cast page. I don't like it. But excuse me. It's on my site Check it out the link on the right cast page. Oh, I can't but excuse me It's loaded with all kinds of fun stuff to keep you occupied CDs, vinos DVD, Blu-rays, video games and so much more Go to deepdiscount.com or click the link on the logo on my homepage right cast.com slash Robert Kelly Go there click the little logo I cast dot com slash Robert Kelly go there click the little logo check it out and buy a few things Be good to yourself and you'll be sporting my sponsors too, okay?

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You got to go there. You got to support my sponsors. Go to deepdiscount.com right now. Go to my homepage, riotcount.com. You gotta go there, you gotta support my sponsors. Go to deepdiscount.com right now. Go to my homepage, riotcats.com. That's Robert Kelly. Support my sponsors. Be good to yourself. Buy it, own it, watch it. When you want to check it out now, deepdiscount.com. That's deepdiscount.com. Thank you, deepdiscount. dot com that's deep discount dot com thank you deep discount I don't have thought you imagine likes me. Hey does he does yeah, what's up? He loves bad pit? He loves Christy too Makes sense of course he likes you. He loves he reps Chris Christie. No, he loves Christie. I love you, man.

You're so nice. I'm not afraid. I love my life. I'm servicone. He's a great friend. Mine. I was thinking I like that everyone's trying to be political because like yes it's an I roll, but like good. I hope everyone at this table tries to get political because I won't and then I'll make me different. So it's like, good, let everyone be political. I never want to be political and never will be political. Yeah, and then when they actually say good, everyone become an activist, they'll be more remote to come and close.

It should be funny. Listen, be political, just be funny at all. Can I ask you a question just to get out of this political talk? That's why I like Rose Battle because those guys think it was my comment that made my comment every one of you only place you can say anything now that's a true edgy Yeah, that's a truth if you if you're not in a roast battle format, you can't say anything, but that's not true Dude, I'm kidding. You know what I mean. It's not true. That's the problem if you keep saying shit like that You you should be able to say whatever you walk on stage and if people get up and leave fuck them They should leave true. Yeah, there's some truth to what are you walk on stage. And if people get up and leave, fuck them.

They should leave. That's true, yeah. There's some truth to what he's saying. Patrice used to walk 20 people. Yeah. But if you do that now, you don't have a career. But you never have to say, I believe that. I don't know if I believe that.

I think that I think that. There are so few clubs now. I think that let me finish this thought before you fucking yap over me. All right, I know you have your own podcast. I have 40 hundred followers on Twitter, but I know Please respect me. I know I can hear it your voice is so much better than mine. I actually start just what do you keep talking? This is my fucking shows fucking

Yammering fucking Mule Fucking talking He really is way more interesting than me. Dude. The fact that if we keep saying that these people walk out or you're afraid, we have to stop being afraid of people not liking us. We have to stop being, look it, it may take longer.

Patrice should have been way more famous sooner. But because he did not sacrifice his personality or who he was, he made that trace. It took him longer. He had to learn his lessons, learn where to give and take where he was okay with saying, you know what? I got to stop doing that. That's a little fucked up in him. Or you know what? Fuck him. Fuck them. Suck my little fucked up in him. Or, you know what, fuck him, fuck them, suck my dick, that's a big...

It's good to let it take longer. It took a little longer than some people, you know what I mean? Right. But, he doesn't have to look back and go, oh shit. Right, because you can't take that away from him. Yeah, no. There's one thing you can't take away is his funny. Yeah, no, no, no, he was the best.

He's my favorite person. There's some people that this business can take away their funny by just not letting them on TV. You cannot do that. You can't do that with the funniest motherfuckers. Patrice was going to make, Patrice was going to go past you anyways because he was so that much funnier. Yeah. Look at Bill Burr.

Right. You can't, he can say whatever he wants. Right. Because you can't dictate who shows up in my show's mother who buys my tickets. Yeah. Deepu. There are people. Deepu, yeah.

People are showing up on the geeks in New York. It's podcast. On Patreon. He's probably making more money than me. Why not everybody is yeah fucking You're not in town's making $11 million a week. You're not in a foot of money Bobby No Tim. Yes, I am. Oh Yes, I am you have ever fucking four-year-old and camp not that I know Do you ever try to feed a four-year-old church?

It would be illegal. Yeah, well It's a what you're feeding them Church camp. Yeah, that's cheaper. I think now What what did you see a light was there a train? Did you hop on a train with a stick in the bandana? How did you get to New York? What made you want to come here? Give a banjo you sing you sing your way here? How did you get here? Well, dude, I moved up, when I was 17, we moved up to Ohio because my dad got a job at a Bible college.

Wow. So then I was in a high school. Wait a minute. There's a Bible college? Oh yeah. You go to Christian college. Yeah, dude. Well, save your soul, brother.

Is it, did you go to a Christian college? No, I could have for free, but I didn't. I wish. Yeah, I wouldn't have been sick, dude. Well save your soul brother. Is it did you go to a Christian college? No, I could have for free, but I wish Yeah, what I'm sick dude. I'm still religious. I still believe in God. I'm still scared of the devil like I'm terrified of demons and shit What so I'm still kind of stupid? What do you mean demons? What do you think's gonna happen? What do you mean? Have you seen that shit? You heard dark carly? What have you seen what have you seen what shit? Why mean fucking Tim's toy? You see what have you seen what shit? Why mean fucking Tim's toy You ain't seen the exorcist that documentary that's not real you die in the blistery I always know growing up. I was like terrified you already you know you're going to hell Me no my Jesus is cool. Yeah, right? Yeah, you know what is

Everybody yeah You know what it's like? I Jesus love everybody. Everybody. Everybody just creates their own religion. You know, my Jesus, like, Tainel. Well, that's, I mean, look, I create a phrase. Yeah, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. It's AA, it's all AA, you make it God, you make it God. Oh, shut up. Well, I'm a happy person. I'll tell you what AA does. You know what AA is basically?

Yeah. Because that was a hard thing for me to swallow. Yeah. Is the You know goddess who you believe pick a god blah blah blah. Yeah, it's god is a Positive perspective sure. It's all you're doing is you're you're telling your mind because I we can't control our minds Right all the time sure. It's like okay when okay, when I'm working out, all right? If a guy says to me, and I've said this before, if you give me a goal, if you give me structure, I'll achieve it.

You say, give me 45 minutes on that treadmill. I will fucking give, I will die doing that for you. But if you say, just hop on the treadmill, five minutes in, I'm done. I'm not, I think religion is good. If you give me a goal if you give me you know Bumpers to keep inside of a lane and a place that I'm going. I will fucking get there now I think religion is that yes to a lot of it

We need in our head whatever the fuck it is absolutely to say I am going to I don't lie to people I don't hurt people. Yeah, I don't I don't sex. I don't just fuck everybody. It's just a positive perspective of life. Yeah. And to keep you to keep us from murdering each other. Yeah. No, no, no. Okay. It's like a good thing. That's also why I don't like like some of the PC shit or whatever. Uh, because like I grew up, I have a real strong awareness of people who just need a set of rules to convince themselves they're a good person. And I think that some of it, not all of it, but some of the big things of really is people that they know all the rules, they know what to say, what to not say.

But they're, you get the sense, if you know people like, okay, but you're a worse person than this person who just happens to not know all the rules. So it's frustrating, you know, I used to tell like a joke or you go down south and even Jellik Christians would be like, listen, you're gay, we think you're gonna go to hell, but like We have a spare room and we'll cook you dinner and like a New York liberal will be like, hey, we support you but get the fuck out of my Well, that's how I was I was like, oh, of course, yeah, people they're just wrong and they're going to work is the most progressive Road up in city is any city more hateful than New York in your day to day interactions with people that's the and these are all liberal progressive people is any city worse have you ever tried to get on or off a train like just angry desperate miserable people.

You're just in a no state of mind. Do you have a minute for the environment? No, have a minute for gay right? No. Right. I got this like a fashion. Sounds like the industry to me. I got that's why I got this affection for like

I got a comedy sexual special no What if I can do it no I like I got this affection for people who grew up like me just kind of stupid and ignorant like southerners and trump voters and stuff because like I don't know I don't think I was evil I was just ignorant and surrounded by ignorant people and And I know these people who are technically all right. I agree with them, but they're worse people

than these people I grew up with sometimes. Well, you changed, do you? I mean, you understand, right? I'm more socially liberal now. Yeah. I mean, you know, understand that gay people aren't going to hell. Yeah, now I do.

You understand that black people, Tim Dylan is going now. Ah, wow. I'm jazz digital. Let me tell you something, Tim. Hey, Tim. I'm gonna say this year. I'm gonna say one fucking time and I hope you headphones on. Yes, headphones are on. They've been off the whole time. I want to I want to let me tell you about this great site where you can find tons of cool stuff without spending a lot of money.

Deep discount.com Wow, I love that. DeepDiscount.com. Wow. I've actually gone to the site. It's a new sponsor in my show. So don't, if you listen to him right now, shut, don't you fuck you and listen and then go to the site and support them.

Yeah. Because if nobody, if you ask those free, free, free, free, free, free, free, free, it's enough of the free. I'm cutting it off. You have to do something. Yeah. Support.

Show them put a fucking gig. That's right. Yeah. Do I help reading that ad? Because you know I love that job. Nope. Okay, cool. Just check it.

I want every time I point to you, I want you to say deep discount.com. Got it. And every time time I point to you, I want you to say deep discount.com. Got it. And every time I just point to you, I want you to say it. Okay. What do I say? I don't want you to say anything. Okay. Bobby give us all rolls.

I have a voice over audition later. This is really not helping. Don't say rolls. It's fucking starving. And I would murder something. My favorite thing in the world is a roll with butter. Really? I have a roll.

So I want to surprise it. Why? I just get like a hot one. Surprising. Why? It is shocking. Oh, sarcasm again. Say you like carbs? Oh, God. Your first of all, you get, stop being a little teacup. Get your hands off your hips.

What the fuck is this? Get him, you call him your sissy. Sue that. Make him a whole, surprise him. You like my goal in my career is to have Bobby have to get on TV and I want to apologize for the lies. I'm just going to be sitting there eating ice cream. I'm like this.

All right. DeepDiscounts.com is a new sponsor of my show. And this site is loaded with all of your entertainment needs, CDs, vinyls, DVDs, Blu-rays, video games, and much more. Go to deepdiscounts.com. Not counts, clout. DeepDiscount.com.

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He's really so that line. I need you to focus on your job. You get a fucking job. I stole the job, I got her. You don't fucking, you don't worry about other people. He's fucking step on you a second to get that job to my core by that delivery Well, maybe I should just give it to him that if he's that guy. No, I want it

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¡Depdiscount! ¡Depdiscount! ¡Depdiscount! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventura. ¡Cantar, ca! Jesus of Lord. ¡Es un chico! ¡Jesus! ¡Jesus de la vida! con sulta a las condiciones en volotea.com. Esa. Jesus. Jesus. Esa es la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la I did see that movie life actually. It was all right. Was it monsters? I don't wanna, I don't wanna spoil or alert. Yes. Has anybody seen Wonder Woman?

No. But I want to, we gotta go see it Lauren. Why Lauren? Why not fucking 10 minutes? Yeah, maybe we wanna see it. Because Lauren is my best girlfriend. We do things together. I do things together.

Or is that? I got real great hair. How old are you? 31. Okay, so you're really gray. Yeah, yeah, really. I just didn't, oh. I'm like scared of demons and shit.

I think that's part of it. Are you really scared of a demon? Yeah, dude. I got terrible OCD and I'm scared of the devil. You have S, what? You have an OCD? OCD, and it makes it with my fear of the devil. And I think that kind of shit makes your hair gray.

No, what, no, let me ask you a question because I, I, I don't not believe in ghosts. I don't believe in ghosts. I think I can feel something. Once in a while I get creeped out and sir I might you know, I mean I feel shit once in a while. Yeah, but that's your heart. Oh, I deserve it. I call it. I'm gonna fucking wrap it around Sorry, oh the bomb band it band it bomb band. Oh, that's what you are That's what you are comedy clubs around New York the bomb band it. What was that that was the bomb band it That's Chrissy set condensed into like 10 seconds That's Christy's set condensed in like 10 seconds. How about this?

Whoa. Sex is much. Thank you. The record, the best show is her and PD. He's like, I eat. You know. I eat so. I love PD Diabber, the hope of the hood challenge.

Who's that? PD. Oh, I love him so much. PD Diabra, he's a great comic. He's a steric home. I gotta have him on, you love him. Okay, relax. I'm not for the fucking Petey Diablos. I'm not fucking.

Nice. Fucking. Remember the time when you and I took a cab together in the Queens? Yes. I thought you were gonna be more excited because those were a real fight. And the story.

It's a great story that'll translate to a podcast. It's a great. It's great. We took a cab from a gig and because we both live in a story. And then what happened? And then everyone subscribed because they were like, why would we miss this?

No, it's just really funny because Tim was really loud in the driver was very unhappy with him the volume in which he was speaking. There's a lot of people unhappy with my volume. What are you gonna do? Well, what were you saying about Muslims? I don't know.

I'm probably speaking. Hey, no, sir. What are you? I really want to, do you believe in ghosts? One time I'm a different, no. I'm the one with demons. St. Demons, those are the things. I know, I know.

I'm just asking another question. I'm segueing out of that. I'm coming back in and out. I'm running this thing. I got it. Don't worry about it. I know, I know, I'm not. I'm just asking another question. I'm saying going out of that, I'm coming back in and out. I'm running this thing, I got it. Don't worry about it. I got, I've said nine words this whole point. I'm funny, I'm kidding. I'm even talking, I'm fucking joking.

Timmy, you don't believe in ghosts? I don't think so. Do you believe in demons? No. You don't believe in anything, so there's nothing exists. Out of the nuts. I mean, I don't, I know, I'm sure there's energy and there's all kinds of things that I don't understand.

But I mean, okay, no, I mean demons. Okay, Kristie, do you believe in demons? Yes. Wow, that's my goal. Do you believe in the middle, this is like the people in the middle ages. Do you believe in witches?

Yes. But then you believe in witches. What the fuck is that? Energy. But listen, you believe in demons. I believe in more more locks my blood sugar You believe in vampires y'all got coax. Yeah, you're gonna die It's called the Marisha

Who's podcast of you start with these co-pose if you start with demons, where is it? Where does it stop you believe in the Empire hang on a second? No, damn don't talk to me. You believe in the Empire. No, I'm not a child. I believe in demons in the devil demons Just slipping up like him Lauren can I can I get one of the midget waters we have here now. Thank you You fucking you little fucking queen Fucking cool you little fucking queen Pology email cervical. I wanted a apology on the I got friends who you turn into a fucking yet

I want a little look can I get one of the magic wall? You would love you would love spear the queer. I would have loved it. Yeah, I would have kept the ball I can't get the ball shut up everybody. We're talking over each other. This is a nine podcast on one. Let's keep focused. That's a good coke. All right, the little water, the little waters, because we, they had the over abundance of the, order, so they gave us the littles. We'll be back to big after we, we,

we got titles. I'm grateful for the water I get. Thank you very much. And that coke makes your hands look bigger. Wow. You know what they say about big, okay, go ahead. Listen, you believe in demons. Yes.

You believe in the ghosts. Yes. So you believe those demons, literal fucking demons. In hell, yeah. And Mr. Rambo. Yeah, on earth too. Right in a different dimension. Have you ever seen demons?

No, dude. Have you ever heard of anybody possessed by this? Yeah, dude. I've had people like tell me like in my church like the assistant pastor of church was tell me about how this and they would never lie to people. How he was in a room like blowing little boys. Not how he was in a room with like a seven year old girl that was like throwing grown men against the wall and shit like that.

And my mom that my mom was a Hindu for a while and she had stories over in India. Your mother was a Hindu. For like and she had stories over in India your mother was a Hindu He's a demon My father's a man and I my mother's a hindrance is like a snitching novel I was in all of that I was a big fucking Demon alien all of you were I was But you just had a state you had a hobby. Okay, but I was raised big fucking demon alien all of that. You were. I was in the way. But you just had a state teenager. You had a hobby. Okay, but I was raised to believe it's always. Right.

But I need to settle that because a lot of information was skipping over here. You look into this stuff. I want to know when you went when when you were into that, you know, high school, little early college early college, you would end all this. Oh yeah. The same stuff he's talking about. Absolutely. I thought there were demons. I thought there was, you know, I thought you could contact people and say answers. I thought it was all real. And there was holy books from the middle ages that could bring up spells and all these, you know, the dozen. That was just, I mean, I don't think they do anything.

I really, because here's what you start to realize. No, do those books exist. I'm sure they do. Yeah. I mean, there's old school books of spells. I just said books and she said we do. And then you board. Yeah. I'm going to do that. That, yeah, I mean there's old school books of spells. I just said books and she said we Those I wish I wish you'd be possessed by a fucking demon

Here's what here's what I think you start to realize we eat all of this stuff Comes out of the need to make sense out of the fact that we're all kind of in this amazing experience. We don't know what it is. Nobody really knows what it is. And we're trying to make sense out of it. It would like stories and mythology. And I don't think that there are demons. Maybe there is a hell and maybe there is a devil. But they did it. They's like, first of all, if he's the devil, he's all powerful. What does he need demons for? Does he need an army? He's the devil. Well, he got everything he needs. God, he's got his. God does he need demons for? He need an army? He's the devil

The devil wouldn't need Fred would you think the devil sitting around going? I wish I had people to talk near the devil You don't need anyone else, but he's the fucking devil. What kind of pussy devil wants fucking people to hang out with? This is when all of this starts to fall apart. You start to realize, oh, this doesn't make any sense. Like, this is my own head, and my own head. Like, the devil needs a demon. Like, if he's the equal to God, what does God need angel? He's all powerful, he's all knowing. But he sends an angel, because he's, like,

he can't be in two places at one time. Talk to him, what's the point? Yeah, Bobby,'s the matter with my head? What do you think this shit? That devil, but it's my wrong. Am I wrong? No, listen, yeah, are you is he wrong? Yeah, he's definitely wrong. Why? I don't just have to see what seriously? What what which question in particular? Well, is there a devil? He says there's no devil. I mean, we're both not going to be able to prove it. No, I mean, I'm asking you, you're a pin. Yeah, believe that there's a devil.

Yes, you have to prove it. You don't have to prove there's a devil in the WCWD. Oh, I thought I'd do it. Okay. You're now your eyes went up. I thought you got possessed by a demon when you do it. You might be. I believe in the devil.

I believe that there's demons. There's a lot that's unexplained. It's all. I'm going to explain it though. I mean, I'm asking you. You said I don't have to explain it. Let me ask you a question. You're going to explain your answer. You don't have to explain. Let me ask you a question. You're gonna explain, you're gonna explain your answer.

You don't have to prove to me there's a devil or there's demons. But I want to understand why, what makes you believe there are. He has a firm belief that there isn't and he has an opinion of why and he can explain it to me. Why he thinks it doesn't. Why do you think, Christie, why? I'll give you God in a devil. I'll give you there's a pot, there's a potential,

there's a good and an evil out there. Look, see how quick he caved? No, I'm not caving. I just, my point was just that, neither one of them would need an army. You were elaborating on how ridiculous it was. I don't believe there is a God or a devil, but if there were, they wouldn't need angels

and demons, they don't need an army. One second, pull up, possess by demons. Dude, don't pull that on. Real footage. No! That's gonna bring in what you do. Shut up. Yeah, that's bad. One second pull up a Possessed by demon to don't pull that real footage No, that's gonna bring you what it to do. Yeah, that's bad First of all, don't make fun of the Jews on my If you don't pull that's like bad

I'm on YouTube pull it up pull it up. It's nonsense. I can tell you my You don't believe in the devil first. And it like it's first you believe in the Bible and Christianity. And it follows that the devil. First of all, we don't write this into a harm movie where we were on a part of human. There are human beings that are these like a perfect amount of people for a harm movie. People just not now because we need one black person or minority for it to sell. Right. A little bite with just all. I mean, I think that there are evil people, man.

I don't think that'd be possessed. Come on, I'm saying, dude, don't, okay, y'all are, y'all are gonna be sorry. I don't like it. That's not real. I mean, I don't like it. That is not real. I don't want to lie.

I don't want to lie. He's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a,

he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a Can I say stop first of all a demon doesn't braid his hair Understand these are all fake. I'm telling I was into this you start realizing they're all made up They're making money. They're making money off it. Okay, wait a minute five scariest demon Top 10 demons you need to know I just I just audition demons to all is shit. I just audition with that girl last week for an NBC pilot. It's all fake. Is that the phone? I bring it up.

Yeah, bring it in. Yeah, why not? We got a phone call. Yeah, you're on the YKWD. Demon edition. What's up? Who is it where you're from? Is this the devil?

Hello, are you there? Oh, it's the devil. The devil called the show. See what you did? Maybe you were done. Herding people's feelings. And the devil's down here to collect. No, we're not doing devil stuff.

Shut Lauren. I'm up here by myself. I swear it's haunted a first of all I'm not asking you I'm sage and up here I'm not asking you you can say Joe you want there's a screaming

that you on the wall there that's me I know I'm playing along I was having a little fun there I know me too I was in it we like to joke all right listen just let's scroll down for one second Tim all right now I don't know what's the scariest moments caught on camera completely.

There's a we are. These are okay. That's of course. These are extremely creepy demonic possessions caught on tape. Just click on that one. I'll bring my face. The devil's not trying to get YouTube. I don't explain Mr. this guy was on C. No Lauren let it fucking play. Do not scroll through this. Close your eyes. This video can't be footage now, which is some of you. Okay. Oh, come on. That's not real. This is how first stop.

Pause it. How? Okay. Okay, the guy taking the photo. Okay, first of all, that is such a beautiful shot. She's imagining. I mean, there's no way that he got the cross and the little baby broom in the shot with all this going on. Go ahead.

You know, she's in this thing that evil spirits can be vanquished during an ex is while non-believers think it's a That's a fucking that made it. First of all, I have that filter on Instagram. That's called double take. I have that filter on Instagram. That's what it's called double take. Dang Cook uses it all the time. This is all thick, dude. They make these movies. The videos are, of course. They put them on the dark web,

like the part of the internet, obviously. It's like, you want to talk about creepy shit? You want to talk about scary shit? Yeah. Talk about the dark web. That's scary. World star? No, but so listen. We use 10% of the,

what we use Google and all the shit we have is like 10% of the internet Right the rest 90% and I'm sure I'm off of those numbers and there's some fucking content the chat going right It's really 80% this 20% Let's put it this way. We use of what we do with all the shit It was like is is gun dogs I don't want to talk or you want me to fuck it's off. I was gonna explain what Tim let your guest talk You're right. You're right. He's starting to loosen up. I like it. Dude. Yeah, we use a very small percentage The rest is all this other dark web shit. Yeah, which is nuts and they put videos on it that are

Very creepy and a lot of those videos were directed by film students who are trying to get attention and they have guys in close to all this weird shit. Listen, you know who would demons human beings? You've done a lot of demonic shit. We don't need these fake pretend things. I could tell you, go fuck and look up any of these genocides or atrocities in history.

Go look at what fucking Muslims do to gay people. It doesn't, right. You ever see they throw them off the square? They throw them? They wish they were the queer. They throw it off, that's a real experience. Somebody's sounding like, I heard about the queer, they're like, that sounds great.

They're doing extreme sport over there. They're aggressive country. I remember, they threw this guy off a building. He landed and then they go and throw rocks at him. Right. A little too, I mean too much. More so than I actually. Just a little too much.

I'm icing part of our inability to grasp how people could be so evil. We try to put it off on these demonetful horses. More so than I believe in demons, I believe in angels and guardian angels. 100% Bring up angels, you wanna let the way it's about playing? Play this a little longer.

What is that fear me out? I believe, because I have reason in my life to believe, I believe miracles, I've had crazy stuff happen to me. Chrissy, I am not an angel, I'm not a miracle. And I believe in angels a hundred percent. Bobby is my angel. No, I love him. I'm just saying sorry, you don't believe in them, but I've got him.

I believe him. Bobby, do you believe in angels? I believe this is what I do believe. I believe that ins. Well, you want to hear it? You want to, you want to, you want to, you want to try to fuck me? I want me to be insecure. I'm getting off the gate. Are you going to, are you going to you want to try to fuck me? I want me be insecure. I'm off to gate. Are you gonna? Are you gonna openly listen to what I have to say? I am excited

Hello, Bobby said you trying to fuck me. Why did you even Hello, Bobby said that you're trying to fuck me. Why did you even stimulate it? You're saying that you want to knock the door with me? Knocked in! How much weight I lose? Knocked in this guy! Yeah! What the fuck?

I think that I believe in positive energy. I believe in positivity. I believe when my brain, I think my brain is so powerful, so amazing that when I see something, I can make it happen through focusing so on a goal. Even though I don't know I'm doing it, I'm bringing stuff into my life. That's positive. That's great. I think that, you know, when you feel happy, you feel good. That would be God or angel-like. I mean, it's the same description. It's the same thing. When my max wakes up and says, Dad, I love you so much.

It can't even give me that's angel-esque. That's that's beautiful God stuff when bad shit happens when someone cuts me off I want them dead. I want to see them die and that's demonic evil shit So I try to eliminate which is what religion does by fear and crazy and you know It's so extreme because some masses don't learn You know, it's so extreme because some masses don't learn subtly. You have to really smash them over the head. But do you believe in another realm? There are physical entities. I do not believe that.

And this is slow. I'm changing though. I did believe I'm slowly becoming a person that believes in science. Me too. When you die. But when you die. I did believe I'm slowly becoming a person that believes in science. Me too. When you die. But when you die, you become part of this earth. Yeah.

Tyson, what's his name? Neil's the grassy Tyson. Neil the Cray, typed that up. This is what he said that really made sense to me about when you die. What happened? Tell her how to spell it. N-E-I-L-D-E-G-R-F. made sense to me about when you die. What happened? Tell her how to spell it. And E I L D E G R S S

not that not that part. Oh. Oh God. I'm stupid too, Lauren. So they'll worry about G O O G L. What happens when you die? What Neil deGrat? Yes. What happens when you die? And what happens when you die? You kneel, de-grab? Yeah, what happens when you die? And what happens when you die? You wake up and you're able to have time to run your computer. This is the, this is your own boy and you're like, I am a homeboy. Yeah, what are you gonna do?

I thought it was a guy that didn't know you didn't like me. No, it's a great joke. It's not a joke, it's a fucking story. It's my one, it's my one-man show that I'm doing in Kentucky at the roundabout theater. And I open place, thank you. Yeah, what are you doing? What?

Right there. That's the one to Larry King. What? What? Yeah, I clicked the Larry King one. The Larry King. No, it's not that one. I don't think it's that one.

Well, whatever. We can click that one. Just we'll get to it. If it's seven minutes, yeah, there you go. Right there. You are born knowing only life. I get that. However, I've born knowing only life. Right. I get that. However, I take another view,

because I've been asked, if you could live forever, which, I was on the OP Anthony show with him, and it was Voss, Jim, me, OP, and he was on, and I didn't say anything the whole show Everybody's asking questions. He's so it's crazy. It's all about and at one point I said

Deep into the show I looked at him. I said I said She'll answer your question. He's like yeah, I go. Does it are you bomb not being on the love boat anymore? Nobody nobody Being on the love boat anymore? Nobody, nobody does. That's it. If, mother fuckers. If he doesn't look like Isaac from the love boat, I'm an asshole. I was so mad.

Everybody looked at me like fucking fuck you. How dare you, what did he say? Nothing. He, and then just went back to his party. Go ahead, this guy's amazing. I really am a big fan. Okay. We're going to have to finish this one.

Yes. No, okay. Sure, that's an attractive idea. But the way I look at it is, it is the knowledge that I'm going to die that creates the focus that I bring to being a lot. Stop. I said that. Goal. Yeah bring to being a lot. Stop. I said that, goal. Yeah.

You have the foot, you're gonna die, so you have focus on, and as you get older, that focus becomes pinpointed on what you want because you have less time. I have that joke on my act. I have 30 years left. I don't hang out with shitty people anymore.

Right. When I was young, I hung out with a lot of fucking shit people I did like, because I didn't want out with shitty people anymore. When I was young, I hung out with a lot of fucking shit people. I did like, because I didn't want to be alone. Now that I have my family and I have 30 summers left, I don't hang out with shit. Fuck off, I don't have time for you. I delimited you fucks out of my life.

Because I don't have time to deal with your shit. So this is what he's saying, I think. Good. You know what you're shit, right? So this is what he's saying, I think, good. The urgency of accomplishment, the need to express love, now, not later. If we live forever, why ever even get out of bed in the morning?

Because you always have tomorrow. That's not the kind of life I wanna leave. But why don't you fear not being around? I fear living a life where I could have accomplished something and didn't. That's what I fear. You're such a great speaker. No, I think the way you deliver is it's cheese.

I love it. You don't like it? No, he's like, is he on stage? No, I like it such a great speaker. No, I think the way delivers it's cheese. I love you. You don't like it? No, he's like is he on stage? No, I like it. I like it. I like it. You want to know my channel? You have to cover. Yeah, right? Sister has this in her in her notes, because in case I can't tell anyone after I die. On my tombstone a quote from Horace man. No, here I go. Great educator. Be ashamed to die. He's practiced so many times. Until you scored some victory for humanity. Wow. Wow. Hey guys, Larry here. Thank you for telling me.

Hey guys, Larry King here. You're gonna get out of here. That's right to my channel. That sucks. Really? Let me tell you right now. That guy's great. And here's the thing.

This is the epiphany that me and you had. And this is why we can kind of listen to him. When you start turning the corner and listening to rational Scientific people I was a conspiracy guy forever. I was Demons and all this shit forever when you start listening to rational okay smart people people to smarter than you I start going like this it changes your life. Yeah, I want to hear, I really do. Why do you not agree with what we say? Well, I think you can agree with what he said. And I don't think the two have to be at odds.

I don't like thinking that science is really kind of, I mean, I mean, I think that's what you would say. They have to be. Well, you can't say something though. You can't say to Muslims, I'm going to kill people and get 70 virgins and be with, you know, in heaven and say that's crazy. Right. And then say, I'm going to go to get 70 virgins and be with, you know, in heaven and say that's crazy. Right.

And then say, I'm gonna go to some pearly gates. Right. And be with a white dude that fucking is sweet as hell to me. Yeah, every religion is just searching for something beyond matter. But who is that? But then you have science that says, you die, you just become part of the earth. I mean, that's what science knows so far. If there's some underpinning matter,

it's discoverable by science at some point, and it just hasn't happened yet. There's stuff that is discovered by science today that centuries ago people would have thought like, oh yeah, that should exist. There could be an afterlife, there could be all of that. I'm not shutting the door in any of that.

I don't think science shuts the door on any of it. What I am is I'm very careful now. I try to only listen to people that I feel are intelligent and well read and well researched. I try not, there's a lot of hucksters out there that are very good at just putting out a point of view. I'm one of them. I like to listen to,

Neil the Gracie Tyson, when you listen to him call me the name of your podcast by the way, Hucksters. It almost is, but Neil the Gracie Tyson, when you listen to him you go, he's thought about something. Or he's a great performer.

And you're gonna say he's gonna be a fiction. Like pastors are good at that too, you sell it. He's a scientist, he's a scientist. He's a monologue. You know, he's practiced that shit. But science is based on fact. It's great. Science is not based on theory or belief.

Yeah. Science is based on mathematical theory or belief. Yeah. Science is based on mathematical facts and equations solving. I used to not believe in global warming because I thought people being hysterical and then the reality was I said to myself, I go, there's no way that there's a conspiracy. We're like 98% of scientists are like the ice-caption melting. We're all going to be fucked. There's no way. We're like 98% of scientists are like the ice-caption melting. We're all gonna be fucked. There's no way we're not We're never but there's no way 98% of them are wrong And then a few lunatics who won't who coincidentally own oil companies are like there's no global way

It is what it is. You start to listen to science at a certain point in your life now like I mean Don't you believe in science? I do, I love science. I don't know. How can you believe there's a demon? How can you believe there's a fight? How can you believe? It's a discovered science. We don't know all that yet.

It's not. But look, look, I love science. I do. It did not, you don't think that demon shit, there wasn't the one the first thing that we were like, we're gonna solve this demon shit. Look, because it's carrying the shit out of me. Science, like, yeah, it deals with facts.

It deals with facts, but, and there's something to be said with the fact that like, we're programmed to look beyond what has been proven as fact yet. And that's how a lot of science comes about, because of theories like that. Has anybody listening, Colin, the number is 917-2616-831, we'll wrap it up pretty soon, but I need you to, if you've had a demon experience, I really need you to call in. 917-2616831. When did you come to science?

I only came to like the last year. I started listening to these guys. What's it even hawking? You'll dig right. And I of realizing these guys are a lot fucking smarter than that. I started realizing that I had more in common with these guys. Right. Then I did with these people who believe in demons. Right. I was like, learn the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the demons. I was like, I sounded a little better than that.

Why? I don't, I don't, you know, do you think time I would see somebody who was possessed by a demon? Right. Oh, I was like shit. I read I don't relate to the person just socially. Yeah, the God I would I can't fucking be around these right the way you talk about Energy the way I talk about But look you believe it's just a different word. Jesus existed Jesus existed. Jesus was around all the stuff probably yes and was good Did you really hang on second you two fucking hillbillies?

Do you really believe that he walked on fucking water hell yeah? But see that's a belief that you'll never get in there and there and God bless them for having it I'll even say God bless my now was the water deep Can I have another water Here's you believe that and why can't anybody do it since that's my question cuz everyone isn't good Yeah, but God is there you don't think God went There are literally no historical records of any of this happened. Jesus. Oh, have you read the book of John? By red Jim Norton's book

There are no and I'm not saying that somebody wasn't Jesus stop for a second. Yeah, I want to ask you question. Yeah, no, you want to go on one of your rants I love your rants. I know But listen You're saying there was no, let me second ask the question, you're like my wife. Don't assume you know what I'm about to ask. Even if you're right.

We have this conversation literally. Yeah. It's like a girl thing. I have a posit. Real men wait for another man to ask the question. Why do you just want to answer it? Why'd you shut up? You want to get, no, it's that you don't let me have my

dramatic opposites and I like my pauses. Okay, I'm ready now. Daddy. Listen, Timothy, yes. Do you're saying to me that there's no historical record that Jesus Christ actually existed? Correct. Even as a carpenter, he was never mentioned in any of the Roman texts that

mentioned kings of that era, mentioned political figures. If this was a big thing that happened, it would you think that somebody would have wrote, hey, there was this huge thing with a guy named Jesus, or it was a very small offshoot thing that it wasn't represented. But the idea, I'm not saying that there wasn't a guy named Jesus, but if he's never mentioned... Was his last name Christ? Well, no.

What's his whole name? Jesus. I mean, nobody knows. What's Jesus' name? I don't know. Jesus what? God. Well, here's the thing, Bobby. What's Mary's last name?

There's no reflux. There's no reflux. Mary Magdalene. Mary Magdalene. So his name was Jesus Magdalene. Jesus was written about, you realize that the Bible was written hundreds of years later none of these people knew Jesus

Written this is true. This was written a hundred years ago. Bobby to me and you What is it? What was Jesus's? Hasn't have one the name Johnson means the Sun the phone drinking Okay, oh, we got I hope it's a demon. No. How are you calling into I key WD? Hey stop one second sir. I do I you were saying anything and I had picked up the phone Well, you fucking give me a point of right when you dumb notes Why you face The why can WD you're on what now you fucking stammered me you're on why can't it be a day way from what you name

I am Christian demon. Bobby. No. Yes, and where you from demon? I am from hell. What part of hell are you from the northern part or the southern part? Southside all day, bitch. Now, are you a home boy or a white boy? Home boy.

What's up, Bob? What's up, Bob? Now how many people have you possessed over your time? Eli Fares. Oh no. Oh no. Is that cool too? Are you gonna possess him like now or you gonna?

I don't have anyone right jokes finish what's that already done. Okay now I'm gonna ask you question men fairs for Keeping his mother in those fridges What all right your your bit started to fail what Can you give the bomb danna through the phone? Hey, that was a great bit to that one. I was just turning on Italian mob guy Can you give it the bomb of danna to the phone? Yes? We're gonna take you

This is YKWD around the air where you call from what you name? Seattle my name is Anthony I Anthony what's up? Are you Italian? call from what you name. Seattle. My name is Anthony. I Anthony. What's up? Are you Italian? Shut up. Lauren. Stop trying to get dates. You have a boyfriend. Yeah, man. She's got the big Dave Smith dick. Yeah. Yeah. He's got fucking the biceps of my aunt. But he has a huge fucking mule. Yeah. She ever gets

mugged. If he's he ever gets mugged He could take his dick out and hit the guy with it. His Dave's gonna be running the other way. Give me your money See you later Lauren. You're on your own Skanks for life Blop blop whatever What's up? So what are you calling for you? Have you have you have you have a do you believe in demons? No, do you believe in Jesus Christ? No, do you believe in demons? No. Do you believe in Jesus Christ? No.

Do you believe in Tim Dylan? I'm curious if you're two believers think that the world, like, 4,000 years older, whatever there are little thought processes. Little thought process. How old do you think the world is? I don't know. Whatever science says, I'll be there. I don't think they believe in the Bible that deeply. I think they believe in Christianity

because it's a positive perspective for their lives. I think it gives them... I don't think they go crazy with it. How old do you think the world is? I would expect that. How old do you think the world is how old do you think the world is sir only no the guy next to you it's it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 4.5 billion thing is I was trying to get to the fact if they're like one of those intelligent

design people or whatever. Yeah, it's a good question. I don't think I don't believe in the Bible like I don't take all that literally. Yeah, I don't take all that literally. There's a lot of it that I think a lot of hardcore Christians would look at me and be like, oh, she's not a poor. Yeah, because I don't, but no, that's a good question. All right, thanks for calling me. I'll see you later. This is not a fucking girl podcast. I can say bye.

Not in the snutton, fucking harmonize. There's no harmonizing. We naturally do it when we talk. Unless I'm involved, one, two, three, bye. How is he like it? I do like it., two, three, bye. I see you like it. I do like it. Back, street, boys. All right.

All right, we're gonna wrap this up. I look, I think me and Tim too fat he's sitting the same way covering our tits, resting on our stomachs. Are you all right? Did your blood sugar go down? Do you need some pork? No, I'm good.

I'm starting to get peckish. Yeah, you get a little peckish. A little bit. Yeah, let's end this. What does peckis mean? He's hungry. I'm for a pecker. That's a very, oh.

That's true too. Hungry for a pecker. Well, look man, I hope you don't get possessed by whatever demon that guy sent you away. Thank you, Bobby. If it does happen, call me, me and my friend Tim, a professional ghost busters, right? And we also do demons and we'll eat them. We'll eat the demons. Eat the demons. Let me fuck that with me. You possess. We should have a show called ghost

eaters. When we shop to people's houses and eat the ghosts, when you sit in round and stomach grows who you're gonna call go go eat her all right so all right but well listen thanks coming on thank you we come back on again I'd love to all right cool man and are you roast soon? I don't know yet in negotiations. Do you have oh, so you negotiate now? I mean, yeah, you talk a little bit like Do you get paid for that as now we do now? We're going to really why now what changed? I think just the show got more popular and they can justify they it was a free show They didn't charge at the door for a while. No, do you think that's gonna affect it? I think it's just gonna get better

And it's still at the stand. Yeah. Okay, great. Now, as the champion, you know, the champion in boxing gets paid more than anybody else. You're on the A side now as opposed to the B side. I think everyone gets the same. There's in the mountain. You get the champion doesn't get more money.

That's what I got about. It's fun. If you do like a main event, the event you get paid you get just to do it And then you get paid a little more if you win. Have you fought Christie yet? No, no down the line I think it'll probably happen. Yeah, everyone there's only so many roasters So at some point everyone's gonna fight everyone at some point look man I went to a couple very fun I think it's the best show in the city. I love it

I would I would beg to differ that to show at the seller any giving night is better than any of those shows because it's stand-up comedy and I fucking that's what I do. I'm a fucking stand-up comedian. I didn't take a fun thing that Don Rickles did and make it into a fucking living. I actually that's how I make a lot of money and I pay, I got a mortgage. So, can I? He's bragged about a debt. Well, it's not a debt, it's a very small one. I know, I know. What I'm saying is, I get it, but it's not the, I like what you said. I like what you said.

It's my favorite one. It's my favorite. There you go. Let's change it, just change that. I think Rose Battle is fun. I love it, it's a great show. I get it, I get it, but you know, I mean, it's a specific thing. I think it's good for comedy.

Yeah. I mean, make sure you fucking write jokes for yourself. Yeah. And you're act. Yeah. Because someday that's going to fucking take a hot one. Yeah. And you're going to be in some mall going, hey, dollar a roast.

Bring your father up in the wheelchair. What are you doing? Stand up when I cock you. You know what I mean mean, dollar roast. So that's great. So now you're going to help me with some stuff too. I like it. Yeah, for you. Absolutely. The fucking champion's going to help me. The champ. I already got it. I got to I wrote a bunch of good ones. So we'll see what happens. This roast is taking place. I don't like, you know, I liked him when we did him,

back in the day, when we did him at the Boston Comedy Club and it was just nobody, it was nothing. It wasn't going anywhere. Now, it's very, back then it was fun and joking and it just went, I don't know, there was, the competitive part of it, I can respect, because I've been to them. I didn't like it when I heard, I was like,

oh, fuck off. That's most people's reaction. But when I went to it, I really did laugh. Yeah, I mean, like it was brutal. It is a bunch of nobody's to an extent. And that's a good, like what you said about how you liked it when it was in Boston, and it wasn't celebrities, it is just people just for the whole day. No, it wasn't celebrities It is just people just for the love of the day. It was a little bit of celebrities. It just wasn't

Competitive okay, we did it. We did it out for the reason you roast were invented because we all loved Rich Voss, so we loved yeah, but she's so Neil we were there To roast Patrice because we love them. Yeah stand up. It's all I'm sorry. Yeah, no, no sure I just say stand up already really competitive with the roast battle It's just like okay, let's do it who can write the better jokes It's like just more honest and up front rather than all smile to your face But I'll fucking kill you to get this gig you know what I I look I look I Like smash is somebody right now. You go to the table downstairs. Yeah, what's up nice fucking blah blah. It's it's it's not

You got it or you don't you live or you die and It's fucking great for me. No, I got to it, but to you know to half a fucking week to go against You know if me and you just went toe-to-toe right now I might win if I give you a fucking week I'm probably gonna get slaughtered cuz that's what you're good at you're good at writing these things Yeah, which is a skill some people just skill man and a lot of people get writing jobs that way and that's to have their career Oh, there's so much. I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry Yeah, there's just so many ways to get to the top or to like get stuff in comedy some of them are such bullshit ways

Like who you know stuff. I love love that this is such a pure thing. It's like, oh, you write really good jokes. Yeah. You're gonna get something from me. I was like, fuck it, but I went to it and I had a bl- I judged one of them and I had a bl- Yeah, I was there for that. Laugh my ass off.

So I do see the entertainment and how it really is a funny thing. So it really is. And I Christy, I watched her. I'm just perfect. She was so, because you, what I said it before, is not only did you, you gave good roast jokes, the best part about you is you took a good one. Thank you.

I love you. To me, when somebody takes a hit is the best thing, because now I get to feel okay. Oh yeah, I love laughing at my nose. You made me laugh more than the jokes that was set up on you, the way you took it. You're like Oh yeah. I love it. I love it. You made me laugh more than the jokes that was said about you. The way you took it, you're like, I loved it. It's like wrestling. You sell for your opponent.

Yeah, it is. Yeah, you're right. So when are you, what else you got going on? What else? Yeah. Besides the demon. I got Twitter. Besides the demon that's coming to see you tonight.

Oh, shit, I forgot about the demon. I got, hit me at U.I. Serres at Twitter, U.I. Serres Instagram. I got a YouTube thing called Rude AF with the rude boys and another one called Burn Ballots. This motherfucker is the champion. Yeah. And I really is to be amongst the motherfuckers that you beat.

It's it's pretty hefty. It's pretty hefty. I give you full credit on that because he's great He's one of the public top three in the country. It's not it's not a it's not a it is a skill set It is a hundred percent. Yeah, thanks. What I lack in wins. I make up Suppression on my advice. You know, I lost almost every battle. Have you lost all your battles? Yeah.

Well, I lose them all the time, but I love them so much. She always makes it fun though. She's the best. She always makes it fun. That's my fun. And that's with her. Yeah. When I saw the Rose battles, I was like, oh my god, this is a adorable, hilarious, instinctually

brilliant. Oh my god. Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. Oh, she is. She's my type. You know that. I mean, she just didn't stop banging black dudes.

I don't know that one around. Wow. I really was true what they say. It's a homeboy. Tim, what do you got besides a beautiful fucking haircut? Oh? Thank you so much. Uh, if you want to come see me hands off the hips. You want to come see me a dad? My little teacup. Let's get one I come see I'll be with Dan Soder Denver comedy works at the end of June What are you fucking kidding me? What what a show? Yeah, it's gonna be great. Oh my god

I'm having zany's in Chicago in July great club. Please guy runs out as a fucking great guy Yeah, that whole crew really excited and in August I'm at dead crow comedy in North Carolina and then at Mohican son Headlining. Yeah headlining comics. Yeah, the whole weekend. Yeah So you're moving on up baby. That's we'll see Should be fun. Jesus have some self-esteem. Just say I know but I'm just doing great You are you gonna blow up Well when ghost eaters gets going I think we'll both really We'd be great though for just me and Bobby just going and you can't see like it's just In fact a dark base when you bet this round. Yeah, and this goes to town

Who you gonna call goes to you. I think it's a good idea. I really do Email Stern with the idea It's great. It's great. It's great. I love it. You're going to make it theme out. What, uh, what do you got, Chris? Uh, listen to Talking Funny with Christie on Riotcast and follow us on social media at

TFC Podcast. Social media. And thank you so much. I'd love social media. I co-hosted with with Mattel Lane every month. We have a big show at Union Hall June 28th. You should comment called Battle of the Divas with me and Mattel Lane. It's a really great time to come to the out of urine. New York City loves Mattel. It's also his birthday on the show. It's not really fun. And at Chrissy Ch Chrissy cello best ass best body. Ask at Chrissy cell.

At Chrissy cell follow me. Say hi. I got a bunch of dates. Next week I'm actually June 23rd, the DVE comedy festival in Pittsburgh. I'm there with Colin Rachel Feinstein, Kevin Brennan. There's a bunch of comments. It's a sick show. It's a sick lineup. It's one night. We're coming in with doing this June 23rd, the Byham Theater. Byham. Byham. Beham.

Beham. Me, Ham. And Pittsburgh. So go to my website for that. And then I'm going to adjust for laughs for a while. But before that, I'm going to Belgium for seven days on a riverboat. I can't wait.

On a riverboat. Are you going to buy a hat? I keep a little boat hat. You look so cute. I you gonna buy a hat? You keep a little boat hat. You look so cute. I want to see a picture of you to keep a boat hat. I don't know what a fucking boat hat is. You just made that up. There's no such thing as a boat hat.

I don't know. Jesus riverboat. I want to see you in a boat hat. Type in boat hat. There's no such thing here. You're making it up. There's no boat hat. There's going to be a boat hat for sure.

You're like a sailor's hat? A boat hat. No, it's not a boat hat. There we go You would look fucking boss in that oh my god. Yeah But there's not a man that's not a men's boat head The second one there the retro style Yeah, the retro style. This one, yeah.

Stripe. I can't find that. Is that a man's? Yeah, look at old school. It says, woman's. Like a do-a. No. No.

This is for men's. What's, is it for men? I will get me a boat hat. Oh, yeah. Oh, look at your boat hat. You'll wear it. All right. So anyways, where are my dates?

Stop saying, stop trying to find boat hats. I fucking want to find demons. It takes 20 minutes. Bone has you. Fucking, oh fucking waste hair. And then stress and Etsy. I'm gonna do the, okay. So I'm gonna be, okay.

As September 28th, you'll be at Side Splitters Comedy through the 30th. Wait, let's go back a little bit. We have a couple more games. That's a Montreal. Oh, you've been a nasty show, Montreal. I wanna do the Montreal. We're doing the nasty show. I'm a Montreal. Oh, you've been a nasty show, but no. I want to do the Montreal. We're doing the nasty show.

I'm also doing my podcast live in Montreal. I'm getting you tickets right now. Anybody going to Montreal? Here's your ticket. No, okay. Well, if you do go, we're going to be doing the podcast. So please stop by and say, it's going to be a great show. She'll get you tickets now.

But get your thing now and sign up for the podcast. Get the tickets for the podcast now because it's gonna sell out. It's a cool little room, but it's not that big and it's in the afternoon the day before I leave. If you go to YKWD social media, the link's there to buy the tickets. Yeah, and that September I got sized, but I wish my agent would get me more fucking gigs that looks pretty empty. Oh, there you go.

I'm doing it some more to come watch them. I wish my agent would get me more fucking gigs that looks pretty empty. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, there you go. I'm glad I got some more to come watch them. All right, cool. Sorry. And this is another gig that my wife didn't put on the fucking thing. We've done alone.

I'm a fucking clone. I'm fucking, I'm trying to go home. I'm fucking doing it. I'll put it right in the front of the hand. Yeah. Adam, what are you got? RecruemanY.com's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one.

That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one.

That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one.

That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's. All right. That's not so good. He's great. He's like, I just got very horny. Thanks guys. Oh. Oh. And he have a lot of women like him.

Like a slip and slip. Oh, we all love him. He's here physically. I mean, honey, the body. Look at the haircut. I don't take a cop off. He doesn't know how to fuck though. He's probably.

It's a thing I never learned. I read about, I read it. There's a whole fucking thing. You read about her. Yeah, but him, not knowing how to fuck though. He's fucking. He's fucking. This is the thing I never learned. I read about, I read it. There's a whole fucking thing. You read about it, huh? Yeah, about him, not knowing how to bang that. Is that true? He fucking. He's no, I don't know where it goes.

I'm kidding. I'll teach you. I'll teach you. You'll fuck him, but not me. I'm not playing. You're not playing. Look at his boat hat, how cool it is. I don't want to, that's not a boat head to system hat.

Look at how he is. That's called a bucket hat. That's not, he doesn't come with the hat you fucking I'm gonna be I'm gonna be over in Belgium to I don't want to fucking a hat that says vote for me in America If you put money if you put Bobby in that hat, he looks like J Edgar Hoover Good one Good one. All right. It's a good one. All right.

What do you got, baby? Just at Lauren Cooper. Luke, the producer of the show, who is my fucking right hand man, woman, woman, woman, and who I love, Deale, the best. You're the best, Lauren. She produces my fucking kill. The fuck?

Really sorry. I just wanted to do it for Lauren though. No, I really did mean that to be like me. I'm just really dead. No, she's a cool woman. No, I really didn't mean that to be like me. I'm just really dead. No, she's a cool woman. She does my show too. I know. Like you know, real bad.

It's all about me. You know, I'm a real bad. I'm really sorry. It's really having me, Bobby. I love you. I love you guys. This is a fun show. Great.

Great show. Thanks for coming on. Thank you. And we'll see you next time. Go to the premium, become a premium member. Support the show and my producers on the show. Thanks for coming on. Thank you. And we'll see you next time. Go to the premium, become a premium member, support the show and my producers on the show. Please. Also, email me at ykwdproducer.rykast.com. If you want to come in and sit on a show, or oh my god, what is that? Why would you eat that?

I didn't. Are you? Bobby was talking to the cap of the soda. I hope I want people to sit down do after hours. We all get dirty. Oh Why do you do after hour? I we got to go peepy again I love you guys to thank you. You know what? Thank you, but there's no after hours you guys to thank you you know what thank you podcast no after hours we should do it after hours shut up never again

she's on the other side never do you see it together again shut up stop singing songs I just grabbed her to it we'll see you next time when you know what dude you've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Outro