Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Ghosts- Chris and Fat Kelly

Episode Date: April 16, 2012

Comedian Chris Distefano gets introduced to Fat Kelly. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is Chris de Stefano, you listen until you know what dude on riotcast.com you jackass. This is Chris de Stefano, you listen until you know what dude on riotcast.com. This is Chris de Stefano, you listen to you know what dude on riotcast.com. Fuck. Same exact voice. Hey, what's up? It's Monster Voice from you know what dude? I still can't get the tone right. same exact voice. it's gonna be there the 20th and 21st and when I tell you it dates I like to pop my peas. I'm trying to do an overly dramatic beginning of a podcast. Stop once again.

Stop once again. You really thoroughly make me ill. You will you fucking stretching? No, I was doing this. Here we go. You're like a fan. You're like one of those fucking 70s. 80s comics when they're before a show. A shadow box. So time. Give them everything you got. You'll be surprised how many people do do that now. Some of the, some of the comics that you really are fans of, they'd see them doing pushups or shadow boxing. Yeah, I'm saying that. Yeah, it really, I mean, look, I understand if I was going on in front of fucking a big crowd and they paid money to see me,

I'd fucking be panicking too. I don't know if I shadow suck cock. Oh, oh, oh. Oh. Oh, all right. We're here another episode of Shhh. You know what, dude. It just sounds so good. It's a great, it really does after a while.

We're here episode function. And it's, we got, we got we got of course of course Dan Soda fucking clock Saka from Guinness Dan Soda Dan Soda Soda a kid shooter fucking monster fucking voice or corporate Dan if you'd rather me agree with you neutral neutral man Swedish dance. Swedish Latin dance. You have Latin dance. There is always Latin. There is a Latin dance.

There is a Latin dance. I forget it. Push. Push. Bubby likes to masturbate. To mouth kissing. Why do I love Latin dance? I don't know, but I love doing Latin dance because it makes me feel sexier. I love Latin Dan? I don't know, but I love doing Latin Dan

because it makes me feel sexier. I love Latin Dan. But my favorite is New Indian. Old Indian. For just as the sun rises above the fields of maze, then like when the coyote makes eye contact with the field snake, for there is a storm coming. I will never get sick of it.

To my roommate has no fuck. my roommate does not listen to the podcast and head I was doing it in the shower and he had no idea why the fuck I was talking Because I took I was like I was basically describing washing myself in the shower as Engine Dan I don't know. I was bored. Yeah, I was stoned. Yeah, a little bit up from earlier. Your dick does not look like an Indian dick. For this snake is scared by the cold rings. And I will take the nectar from a truck. And we got of course the new, have you figured out a name for you yet I thought we're just wait for people to name me don't don't let that that's not a good idea Apparently you don't know the fans of this fucking podcast

There's gonna be something fun and fair Sweet lady Kelly It's gonna be like fucking oscone Helper That's gonna be like fucking Oscon, right? Ah, good. You guys name me. What, helper? Yeah. Uh, uh, uh, little Ollie Batlow. I don't know, that just sounded like an awful, shimmy to my teeth soft.

Yeah. That sounds like a pilot that didn't get past two episodes. If I was in Barbecue, my teeth would have bent. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, my teeth would have bent. Oh, man. So listen, how about, come on, Dan, something. Oh, intern. Intern is, no. Assistant?

No. Shikigah. Shikigah. No, all right. Sexy bitch. No. No. That would only be if there was pink in the podcast logo

listen you need to figure it out we need to come up with a you're what are you fucking you know you're you just something yeah she's she's an Italian she's not Italian first of all I refused I heard her say that in a fucking video on the internet. I'm Italian, no, you're not. With that accent, you don't get to be fucking Italian. You either talk like an American or you talking in a Italian. There's no fucking, nah, I'm Italian. I'm a fucking Italian, I know. But our guest is a realist in Italian.

I guess, exactly. Nice segue. Thank you. Appreciate that, you're learning. Hey, you're back with Bobby in the monster voice. Morning, Zon. Since an Addie's only real rock station. What a 1.5. The guy. The Aussie. The Aussie hole. You're listening to Bobby in the monster.

I could play that. Maybe a whole voice. Daniel, come on. Guys. Daniel, Robert, come on. Oh my god I'm gonna be the radio hall I could have fuck we need to put her in a cube like a robber's I fucking really want to put you that is the guys come on you guys be nice I'm your name your full name like Daniel Robert. Oh

I will never be that I promise you Amy. What a real fucking Italian American. How you doing? Yeah, we got Chris DeSteffanol. DeSteffanol from fucking Brooklyn. How you doing? How are you? Hey guys, how are you doing today? Yeah, I'm really good.

It's going to be great. Don't pretend you're educated. Come on. I know that's his fucking sad part. He is educated. He is. I don't know how I got educated, though. Listen, Chris, do you agree with me that I don't know how I got educated. Listen Chris, do you agree with me that I don't,

if you don't have, if you don't speak like us Italian, like, oh, hey, fucking digga digga, or it's fucking, you know, no, paletano, multiband. Well, they don't get, you can't, you don't get to be an Australian Italian, that accent fucking nullifies it. If you came to, if you came to one of my father's barbecues, there's no chance he would accept anything because you're pronouncing the hours and shit He would be like what is this fucking family?

You're dead would try to date me You like black tricks actually You know did you say date or rape Back in the six years Kind of some serious time. He would have took a fucking nice nice Aussie raping He would have taken it like to have you had to meet It's called courting and I'm not sure what my dad's got a wife now. I'm in his girlfriends Well, let me ask a question hang on now. Let's I mean, I'm serious about this your angst and Kelly I love Kelly

I love Kelly. Yeah, I think Kelly's funny. She fucking loves the show. She does great on the show. She's fucking been great ever since she's been on the show. Adds a lot. Very funny. Cool, funny girl. Ripped ass hole in all. I've really, let me tell you something.

I really took away all the, and if there was even a fucking inkling, it's gone. It's gone It's killed my wife has nothing to worry about She could we can nap together me and Kelly We can literally nap and don one give a shit naked like both be naked and don't just go she didn't get blood on that She get blood on a bad dishes. Oh my fucking dogs. Oh, you.

Oh, team, what's just fucking. She doesn't know blood from snake. Oh, Jesus. Oh. Oh. Oh. So, team, what do you do? What do you eat?

You look at my fucking dog's face. She looks like a shotgun hit it. Anyway, they just watched someone get their head blown off. Kelly's just gonna smile on her face because it feels good. Somebody's finally itching her ass. He sized herself. Hey, I didn't know they tongues just says sandpapery. It's not like a fucking dingo, man.

Hi. Hi, stop. No, that's okay. No, no, no, listen. I love. Can we shit on Chris? No, listen, we're not shit on dingo man. Hi. Hi. Stop. Hey, day. Not on. That's OK. No, no, no, listen. I love. Let's not. Come here, shit on Chris. No, listen.

We're not shit on anybody, man. I, Kelly, my point is, is that you're the best, but you're a fucking accent. There's no way you're goddamn Italian. Wait, if you spoke to other Australians who are very affluent, that didn't sound like me. First of all, we don't use big words on this podcast. You want to go on mock marriage?

Affluent be my guest, you know what dude? You don't use fucking affluent dumb that down Well, I just don't think I think it has the accent has to either be us or that Over there, okay, not the fuck you this It's great. Where was last time you ever saw Australian like fucking mob guy? I've never seen one. It doesn't exist. Do they exist? No.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Under all the underbelly saga like Carl Williams. Oh, that's awesome. It's a long story. There's a massive saga that went over for like 30 years about like drugs and people killing each other off. And the police just let them go because the police knew that and people killing each other off and the police just let them go Because the police knew that everyone was killing each other off and it was too hard for the police Every time they arrested them they were in jail for like six months and they had the money to get a lawyer to get them out

So police just kind of quietly just just let them go let them kill each other and he said like one guy got killed in front of his Why did you wish for that are they here? Into the story I'm gonna whisper that, are they here? I was like, some fella into the story. But they's a room, they can resist. They can always hear whenever you talk. It's sometimes gonna hear. I don't know, I've got this wizard box in my wipe.

It's talking Kelly's holding the eye bag. Oh, God. As she calls it a wizard box. I like Italian dad now. Come on. I mean, me and Chrissy You only he was fucking talking about how your mom's got a fucking nice work So you always got to put your shoulders up. That's it all they're talking about you do it Fucking get him Joey the Louvier. Oh fuck them on back in fucking 73 my dad told me that my dad's no fucking right

Great story So you're your your your Italian Italian. I'm a talent like my dad's fuck the white. Great story. So fucking care, you're Italian. I'm a town like my dad's, you know, from the Bronx, like hardcore. Where do you live now? Well, right now I live in the Lower East Side, but I was raised in Bushwick, like free gentrification.

Yeah, I was lived there before there was any. What is Bushwick? Explain to everybody what, Bushwick, Brooklyn is like the gentrified, hippie kind of homo neighborhood now. And I, it was, it was an all black and Spanish neighborhood, but I guess in the 60s and 70s, it was Italian community. And they just didn't, you know,

then a lot of black and spanish people started coming in. And my family just stayed. My family, my mother was like, I'm not leaving. It's like a how it's turned thing. You just stayed. The neighborhood, they were getting black and Spanish and your family were like, fuck, what was that? Yeah, they just stayed. And now my mother's lived there. She owns turned thing. You just stayed. The neighborhood, they're being black and Spanish and your family like fuck with what's going on. Yeah, they're staying.

And now my mother's lived there. She owns the house. Everybody knows her. I mean, it's like, you know, it's like training day. They just let her in. They were in the block. I love that.

That's how you can tell he's an Italian American because anything that's artsy is gay. He's like, you know, yeah, it's like mishwink. It's like, you know, now it's like a lot of like musicia. But it's all homo. It's all, no disrespect. This guy would play the saxophone. It's like a cock. I don't mean anything of like music. Yeah, but it's all homo no disrespect I was playing saxophone. It's like a cock

I don't mean anything by that. I was a dick-looking your mouth dude. I went to the museum. We bunch of faggot's all around the fuck He's amazing fucking fucking Picasso faggot except for DaVinci that guy's no fake My fucking mother my mother told me stories my grandfather is grandfather knew him so My mother told me stories. My grandfather is grandfather. So so your father you father grew up in the Bronx. My father grew up in the Bronx, you know, and I was at that island. Yeah, my dad is the Italian way, you know, to step in a part of the Bronx is Italian like, uh, well, what is it? Pelham Park or whatever? Um, and uh, but he wait,

when he grew up, he grew up in Harlem and the Bronx, but Harlem in his time, 60s was like to divide like, you know, uh, you know, is the all the Italians and the Bronx, but Harlem in his time, 60s was like the divide, like, you know, you know, is all the Italians. Like the Bronx. Exactly. Colossian though. That's Coloselo. Coloselo.

I like, I like white boys. That's exactly what I was. She opened the side of the door. That's the one. That's it. I my first girlfriend was black. That's the first thing he said to him when I burn it. He said, what is this a fucking Bronx?

Well, you know, that's it. She was like, well, you and the fucking three aces club. Yeah. She was like, what is this a fucking Bronx? Well, you know, that's it. She was like, well, you and the fucking three Aces Club. Yeah, she was like, what the fuck? But yeah, so he's like a hardcore, you know, crazy kind of guy. Did time, I don't ask him any questions. I don't really know. That did time. Yeah, I don't know a lot about it.

I mean, I know him. I mean, it's been in my life every, we talk every day, but I've never wanted to ask him any questions about what his life is like. That's really don't want to know. That's gonna be an awkward childhood. Daddy, what did you shut up? You don't fucking ask questions.

You want dinner, you fucking show up here at six o'clock. Yeah, like I knew I was like, Go play basketball. You want lunch, you go to your mother's house. Yeah, I don't fucking do lunch. I don't fucking do lunch. If I don't have a mother, I don't live together. My mother divorced my father

when she was eight months pregnant with me. She was like, I can't deal with this guy at all. You've never lived with him. Never for you. I used to take me for the summer. That was like part of you would take me for the summer. When you say take, do you mean take? What do you mean to stand in the summer? Yeah, it would take. Hey, you got me for the summer.

I'm a ski mask for eight weeks. For eight weeks, he would take me and that's how I played sports and all that. And he would just, you know, we didn't do any. I mean, we just played sports and he would honestly just take me to the racetrack Gambling nut you want to learn the ponies you want to learn the ponies kid What the fuck good guy really did have is a great guy. I just you know, I think whatever he's a great guy I know you know, I know him. I know him very well But I just don't know, but you don't know him

because you never asked him. Well, I know I know the guy he is to me, you know, well, he is to you, but he could be a fucking killer. Uh, it could be a killer. I don't know if he ever did that. The fucking ice killer. He had a fan. Iceman, Richard Kalkonsky.

Thank you. Nice. Thank you, Wikipedia. Wikipedia Dan. 265 deaths. Okay. This guy had a family, a wife, everybody. I know.

Christmas thanks, giving everybody love them, who knew them, except the guys who got a fucking injection in the back of the neck. You know what I mean? I'll go. Yeah, so you don't know that. Well, I don't think he was that guy, because you're not that type of personality,

but I think he, I mean, like I know for a fact, he's like a guy you don't fuck with like when I was, when I was in high school, you know, like 9-11, right, we thought I was on the basketball team. You were in high school at 9-11? 9-11, September 11th. I was in high school, like 9-11, I was on the basketball team. You went in high school at 9-11? 9-11, September 11th, I was a senior. So this is like a real story. I'm not making any of this up.

I hope you wouldn't make it up. My mother, no, no, no, no, no. Sometimes, because sometimes. Socio path is, he has a bunch of fucking brings up America's worst tragedy in the past 50 years. He's like, mom, I wrote this story. I'm not gonna lie, I got a story in the podcast, gonna crush. I'm not in a past 50 years. He's like, Mom, I wrote this story. I'm not gonna lie. I got a story in the podcast. Gonna crush.

I'm gonna be 9-11. No, it's just like a real thing to like show you like the type of guy my dad was. All right. So, you know, like my mom worked in the building, right? And the second time I got hit, she was, she survived, but like whatever. So I was a senior in an all-boy Catholic high school, right?

So I started crying. I don't know what happened. Like at the minute I just started crying. I got, because they were like, Hey, the boys, the So I started crying. I don't know what happened. Like at the minute, I just started crying. I got, because they were like, hey, the boys, the building's got hit. We don't know what's happening. They fell over something like, fuck, my mom's dead. No, I haven't taught, I'm she's dead.

So I started hysterical crying. I'll go to all-boy Catholic high school. So this, you know, they were laughing at me. This guy Frank started laughing, and it's not me to react, you know, in like an angry type of violent way, but I just fucking lost my mind. And I broke a chair over his head.

Like, and I went to all boy Catholic high school so they were like, you're expelled, you can't do that. Not in the court. So wait a minute, stop for a second. You can't break a chair over kids head in Catholic school. No chance. That's against the rules.

That's against the rules. You can't do that. You can't do that, kids, okay. And public school, that's fucking lame. No, and public, no, but it's like, they was like, it's called homeroom. There's no fun. No, but even a shut up. We're making jokes. You stop talking over everybody's punchlines. He's as Christ.

Sorry. Yeah, we're gonna cut you off and make fun of it. So just just let it happen. And then right when we're done, just go back into it. All right. Cool. I got you. Go ahead. You fucking you broke a chair over kids head. Broke the chair of the kids head, right? So we had off from school the next day, the schools where she closed. You did.

No, the whole day. That is such a funny thing we had off. Yeah. Remember the day off? How great was that fucking day? Do you ever forget that you had a day off and you wake up for school and your mom's like, no, you don't have to go.

And you go, oh my god. Snow days. Snow days were the best. You lost your shit. But do God. Snow days. Oh, snow days are the best. You lost your shit. But do you know what they fuck you on snow days because they added it to the end? Because you have to have a certain amount of days. I just didn't.

Why do I smell fucking dirty Chinese food? I don't know. What did you do to these microphones? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm smell something. I'm just like scallions. Something.

Yeah. I got it. So, uh, so, so when's the schools were shut? So Thursday, I just showed up at school like nothing happened like they didn't tell me I was expelled you know because it was a whole fucking ordeal You know was fucking I'm thinking like oh this one you in character though Did you show up like bandanas and knee pads and chairs? Take all you out Chris the chair You out Chris the chair

Decephanel entering home room With one knockout in the last five days his mother was in tower two Chris the chair Used to be a nice boy until his mother was in tower two then his eyes filled up with water and hate. And they came out from the mean boy. The Patriot! Rastus Stefano! I am a real American! So you're the the page read comes back

I'm the page read comes back Nothing's happening. You know it's wrong. You were defending this fucking country exactly I came back with my fucking on no one laughs no one laughs on 9 11 I'm 9 11 on the day So I fucking come back I'm like I'm nothing's happening the principal brother brother Roy was like a the staffer know what he doing you done He wasn't even a priest no he was brought all the all brothers in my mind Brothers It's a cat with you. I don't have some bushwick it should should get weird. I'm fucking 30 grand a year to go. Yeah. No, I'm like he's like, I didn't ask questions,

but my tuition was paid in cash. Okay, fucking easy suitcase. It takes care of Chrissy for three years. Yeah, my father paid my tuition in a inside confessional booth. Yeah. And one of those briefcases and one of those metal suitcases. Okay, so you go back and he's like, oh, wait. No, no, no, no, no, he's like a fucking tight-ass guy from upstate. I bet he's not tight-ass.

Well, he was. I bet he was. I bet he was. He's a little loose. He used to wear like those black robes and he used to wear no underwear. How did you know? Because when he would get hot,

because I had to do detention my whole senior So when it was hot like in major it is caught was fucking if the thing was sticking it was but cheeks You knew that he was wearing even there and that or fucking thung, you know So I we knew that it was going commando and everybody knew I just got a visual of crispy and under that skirt Cooling his balls off That musk oh Musk smells me whipped around on that rope. That's why.

Just put it there. All to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to you, all to, uh... Come on, second. You know you don't have to hold onto the eye. I know why. The magic... If I drop this weasel box, is he gonna go away? And then he'll come back? Yeah, because I'm a clut, and there's water on the table,

so I know I'll spill something, and I don't want to put it on the ground, because I'll step on it. All right, all right. So just trust me, if I hold it, then nothing's gonna happen. That way, the magical sorcerer can't leave his box, and he will only bring me the answers that I need.

It works. Can't leave. Dude, he will only bring me the answers that I need Go back on Thursday. Yeah, go back and They're like what do you do? You got to you know know, you're expelled. So I'm like, fuck. So I call my dad, I can't call my mom. You know, I call my dad and he's like, what's, he's like, I'll be there in 10 minutes. I was like, you live in Stan Island. I swear to God, it was there in like 12 minutes.

He got somehow, he got like 20 miles in like 12 minutes, just raised to the school. Really? Yeah, takes me in, you know, I've waited outside. We'll walk in, he said, you know, gets an appointment with brother Roy and he shuts the door and this is true. He goes, brother, he says, you know, I understand my son hit the kid over the head.

It was 9-11. He thought his mother was dead. There's got to be something we do. And the brother Roy was like, no, there's nothing we can do. This is a Catholic institution with the same rules for the past 100 years. If you get into a fight, you're expelled. That's it. You can't and the guys like you go on a fight though. You just to cost it somebody Yeah, I know I just like it's country. It's yeah, it's yeah, it's you you were defending more the felony Yeah, you

Not really a fight you weren't like it wasn't him throw you just cracked them over there He made a couple of fucking jokes about your mom being in a building That's it and I put it in a coma. That's all. But he's in a coma. No, he fucking started seizing up is the most uncomfortable. Yeah. When you hit someone and they snore, you fucking hit him hard enough. Stop hitting the chicks in the water, sleep it. You're a fan. Wake up, I told you to go home.

Told you to go home. I told you to go home. Hammer fist. Hammer fist. Hammer fist. Hammer fist, you. Oh. All right, so. So, so. Okay, so my final comes in and the brother always like like no, you can't we're gonna throw him out and my dad goes look

His mother's gonna kill it like a mother's mother's upset. She you know She just went through this fucking tragedy. He's cursing in the room. She just went through his tragedy He said there's gotta be something we can do and he go and the brother Roy says miss his skirt and go well You can leave the room Mr. to step on that. You can let your son finish. Yeah. Yeah.

Take it. Take it. All right. So, uh, so he goes, uh, so brother Roy goes, listen, there's nothing we can do. He's expelled. That's it. Please leave my office.

So my dad goes, all right, look. He goes, I'm going to be honest with you. Completely 100% honest, he said, you can call the police right now if you want to. He said, I don't care. He said, because if you throw my kid out of the school, I'm gonna have you just choose. I got nothing to live for.

This kid's just gonna be a chaos. So it's your choice, right? I'm gonna give you two choices right now. Oh my God. There goes, look, either you keep my kid in the school. Is this your father's real voice, you know? Yeah, pretty much. I keep you keep my father in the school. Is this your father's real voice? Yeah, pretty much. I keep you keep my father in school.

And we got no issues. He said, or and he said, like I'm telling you, brother Roy, you can call the cops right now. I break both your fucking kneecaps and you don't walk out here on your own two feet. You go out in a wheelchair on a stretch. He said, call the cops right now. Call them.

I don't care. Did your father know that he had got on his side? But my did brother. Oh yeah, I don't think he can. I think my dad at that time, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if you got guide. He's fucking kid. Fucking lady that had his kid. I don't give a shit if you got a fucking her husband. I'm gonna break your fucking lease. Yeah, but I have God on my side. Yeah, my child. How much? You cannot hear. This is what bugs me. If this guy's a real believer in God He would have been like it's okay. God God will protect or he should have gone all forgive you. I'll forgive you I'll forgive you if you that's pretty good because it been between those yells of pain. I don't think I'm gonna be thinking about

Forgive me. I'm gonna think about I will forgive you. No, I don't think you are. No, I'm gonna figure it. I'm gonna start rolling on my sleeves right now Okay, if you got a god day son can stay. Your son can stay please leave. I will never let him one of my skirt again I'll give that dude you do a new boy a new boy. Okay, so he so what do you say so he gets pale white, you know, and he's He's a Catholic priest. How pal is he getting? I know What is he can he turn red? What reverse so what fucking see Kelly cuz they're already white pay it. Okay, go ahead So uh, fuck is his zombie act? She's like, now it's open

So that my dad goes my dad goes and he had like a watch like a timer watch my dad goes I'm gonna You thought that I had a watch. Yeah, he goes. I'm gonna give you the fuck out of here He goes. I'm gonna give you exactly one minute to think about this Really? Plits a what and he, it's like countdown 60 seconds and he doesn't know what to do. And I don't know what to do. I'm looking at my dad, like,

are you in the room? I'm in the room, that's what I'm saying. I'm in the room and then my dad gets up and stands in front of the door with his arms folded when he's counting the, he's like, so this is, can I ask you a question and you answer me honestly? Absolutely.

To me, my father left too, okay? I didn't know my dad either. But if I fucking had a dad that stuck up for me like that I was willing to fucking beat the tar out of a priest. A priest! Did you understand how fucking I'd be like, my dad's the shit. I'll tell you this. Well, my dad's the shit.

I mean, was that going through your head? Of course, no, of course. I love my dad. That's what I'm saying. It's just like people ask me like, oh, like my friends always make fun of me like, oh, come on, you know, you dad. Is this still making fun of you? Well, like, no, like my friends always make fun of me. Like, oh, come on, you dad. They're still making fun of you? Well, like, no, like you hit people with chairs.

No, but I'm not a tough guy like that. I just get emotional that one day. I'm not, but I'm not, you know. Kelly, just remind me, he had no chair for Chris anymore. He's staying. He's his, he's his, he's his dad's also, he sounds like he's from Goodfellas. Hey, well, yeah.

What's that, what should I, I'm going to do? Do you hear her just fucking getting all sopping wet and her undercarriage listening? She's like, you have a, you're you like you're like you're looking American paid boy What you did you like that dad is not Chris I am I'm not Kelly Kelly We're gonna make her sit on some paper towels When she's getting fucking hot wet with a guest

Guys I met when I moved here. I think the first mic ever did, I met Chris. There you go. And you were the only person who had to go. Oh, sorry. You were the only one I was fat. That's true. You were fucking fat.

Yeah. She was, no, she was, I mean, she was having. Let's look Chris, she was a fat. She was fat. The zerset thing is on her face, but. You want to fuck me though, yeah. You're gonna fuck me. Yeah, my dude.

I think I actually liked you. I thought you were really sexy when you were fat. I went to your Facebook and you have to go, I did some research because she said she's fat. So I'm like, wait a minute. I looked at a couple of your photos and I'm going back and back and back. You got to go wave this bitch, buried her fat pics. And all of a sudden, all of a sudden you start seeing a little arm fat and then you can't get married her fat pics. And all of a sudden, all of a sudden, you start seeing a little arm fat,

and then you see a little fat, and then all of a sudden that little face, and the photos, even from way above, on the roof, she's there. Yeah, and then all of a sudden, and then boo, and then she's in sneakers. Oh, all of a sudden, she's, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I'm not

How you guys You guys you guys Where your Tina she's always eating. She's always eating. She's always eating. You know, it's really good. Eat your American break. She's always drinking and eating. Oh man. Arm getting hard, arm getting hard. Oh man.

Big, like a lunch lady, um, You're a big girl, but you were, you were hot. Yeah, nice big titties and she's hot. I'm looking this up. You always feel good. You gotta go back. You gotta go way back on her Facebook.

Just keep clicking. And when you say, I mean, when you want to stop, keep clicking. And then you're going to want to, it's like, keep clicking on his phone. I thought it was rhythmical. It's like, it's like the fucking cup of water in Jurassic Park. I like that, I like that it's like internet directions. You're like, you're going to go far. Yeah, you're gonna go back even like 20 to keep Go with the fat Kelly is coming

She was a big girl, but she was very pretty. I do have to say even when she was fat. She was still hot She's got it's good. It doesn't matter. You still you got that face. You got that you got a good face. You got a good fat face It doesn't matter you still you got that face you get that you got a good face. You got a good fat face You got a nice one. I'm gonna I'm quitting spiking soon, so I'll be back. I'll be back. Don't worry I love did nothing would make me happier than the C you just over here fat Just sweating already happening putting the podcast together. Okay, but. Can I sit down and have a glass of water? Tell you what's going on. I'm sweating like a pig. Can I have a snake?

Well, I gave you a snack already. I know, but it's no chocolate. All right, I hear some chocolate. I'm never, never, never, never. Kelly, are you okay, Kelly? Are you okay? I'm sorry, what did you say? I don't know, I'm just kidding.

Oh, God, I love fat Kelly. She's the lightest. She's got the leg. But she's always got food in her mouth. So, BoBee, yeah. Could you help me that napkin please? I'm sorry, what did you say? I'm sorry, I'm just kidding food. Grisky, all over the market.

It's for fun. We're traveling, guys. Oh. Oh, anyway. All right, so yeah. So it's funny. September 11th, I actually, on the Facebook thing there, we have the job, which I did.

If it's on my Facebook, somebody posted it, some dick every once in a while, some lovely dick will post the episode of the job that I was in, which was Dennis Larry's show, I believe, on ABC. What was the accent that you were doing? It was a Cuban accent. But here's the deal, is when I booked it, I was in the audition, I was just fucking off.

There's no way I thought I was gonna get it. It was a starring role. I was just going, you know, I was doing all kinds. I was doing like three different types of AC. And then I was doing the squat, I was like, you know, the Cuban. And I booked it and we started shooting. I was I was fucking out of my mind

Because I was living in LA. Yeah. I had to come back. I booked this fucking Dennis Larry. I'm such a fan huge fan Apostle CERPICO All those guys I was like fucking holy shit. This is so fucking holy shit. This is so, because I was just a fan, you know, when you get to do a TV show, it's awesome. But when you're like, you know, the 2 2 that's coming out, April 15th, by the way. I saw you in a quick promo. Yeah. When I was watching the basketball game. Sunday night CBS after the good wife, it's a brand new show called NYC 2 2. It's about

a five new rookies in the Bronx. And they, they, what? I don't know what that was. You just, every time anyone points a man just to you. You just give the fucking devil home. Yeah, I don't know what to do. I point to people sometimes as I'm doing it. That's the Italian and me. But yeah, it's coming out after the good wife CBS

on Sunday night. It's actually a good show. When you're filming this stuff, you don't know if this shit's gonna be good. Hey, what's up, baby? You don't know if this shit's gonna be good. Hey, what's up, baby? You don't know if this shit's gonna be good enough. All right, don't fucking end the podcast. Can we just ignore her? All right, I just want to say hello to your wife. All right. Well, I don't I'm Chris. It's crazy to meet you all right enough mama talking on the fucking podcast

Oh God, what what what a standing ready to cross the street and I look beside me and there's a woman who is like my age. Yes. She's standing Backpack on your slacks no talk. No, she's did you take a photo bra? I couldn't take a photo what how really bra? Our flesh babies Across you across here Shit, you're pervert can you let a finisher story fucking what are you gonna leave the podcast? Cross this route. Yeah, yeah real mustache Okay, disguise Yeah, yeah, and she had a mustache real mustache. She had a mustache drawn in okay disguise Where her nipples covered no, she was like how now big question don't get mad at me how are the tits Nice a lot of my wife

Get mad gimme an honest answer Really Can't you get arrested? So she proceeded to tell me that New York State law says that women can go topless. Really? We got a new thing for Kelly. Kelly is for the YKWD. You have to do it. Oh boy. What? And then we're walking by.

We're going to put a mustache on you, Kelly. And the guys will like come back. Come back. She came back and they would take you photos with you. And you didn't get a photo you're an asshole To me, if I take it top off go give me a Starbucks ice coffee lodge to Splenda little half a half What get a backpack I get one right in there do whatever you go get my bandalier That's fucking crazy. All right now you done. Oh good. That's a good story. Yeah, it was a good story

It was alright. Alright, we get it you guys like my fucking wife Shut up. Um Kelly what if I wear a moustache people still gonna know it's me no, they're not Let's test you gonna you gonna wait a moustache. I'm not comfortable with nudity Most do ha this is gonna help you help you for when you become fat again. Oh, yeah. This is gonna help you. So September 11th, so. No, I was telling the story, you jagas.

It's starting about the job, but it's really. So anyways, I'm kidding. Are you out of your mind? Are you out of your mind? No, it's fun. Are you gonna do it? No. All right, then.

Let's do it. All right, let's do it. It's just flesh with, yeah's fun. Are you gonna do it? No. All right then. Let's do it. Let's just do it. It's just flesh with, yeah, honestly. Anyways. I will be right. So yeah, I booked the job. I got on it. It was fucking nuts.

But the day we, you gotta imagine, when down the Jersey Shore, they literally put palm trees in the sand. It was September, so it wasn't really called a hotout. And they just made this like Miami at this resort right on the Jersey shore. And you know, all these girls and bikinis. I had my first double banger for the people that not in the business. When you get a trailer, you get a honey wagon, which is the four little tiny trailers with a little

bed, maybe a bathroom. Well, you get a double banger, which is two trailers. They have a triple banger, which is three trailers in one big trailer, or a double banger, which is they cut it into. And then a trailer, which is movie star status, you get the whole fucking thing. I got a double banger for the first time. I had a triple banger before, but a double banger. So it's, you get half of the trailer, which is, you know, you get a living room, you get a fucking VCR, you get a radio, you get a mirror, you get your own bathroom. I'd be furious if there's a VCR in my trailer. Why?

Oh, back then it was stupid. I was in the middle. Well, they have DVD players now. But yeah, back then it was fucking, don't date me. Listen, technology flew flying along. So I'm in my trailer. I'm fucking, I'm in the stupid fucking creamsicle outfit. I got my hair all done up like a gorgeous Cuban and we shoot a couple scenes. I go back I'm like, oh my god, I go back to my trailer. I'm in my trailer. I'm literally leaving the trailer

door open. All these fucking hot brods are walking by. And I always said, I hear a girl just screaming. Like screaming. I have Howard Stern on the by. And I was sitting there here, a girl just screaming. Like screaming. I have Howard Stern on the thing. And I hear, uh, guys, it's something a plane of momma and he's not talking about the planes. I don't know. It's a joke. And then people are just running by crying. And then I run out to the beach and from where we were, you can see the smoke coming up from one of the towers. You can see the smoke. That's how fucking, oh my, and it just went to shit from there. It was fucking nuts. Couldn't use your phone. We were stuck out in Jersey.

First day of shooting on the job. It literally went from the highest of highs. I was like, oh my god, I'm doing a show with one of my fucking idols to, and scenes with them too, to fucking the world's coming to a fucking age. And it's all just ripped away. Oh, it's sure. Yeah, it was crazy. But, yeah, yeah. But Chris took a, I didn't hit anybody with a chair. Yeah. But Chris took a fucking

chair to a guy. He stood up for the country. You know what? We might have, it might have been a couple of months until we got in Iraq, but Chris struck that day. You know what else I did too is I forgot. Like I, I in Iraq, but Chris struck that day. You know what else I did too, is I forgot. Like I just had like emotional like tips at day because you know I didn't talk to my mom, you know, so I didn't know I thought I'm just, I'm getting a ride home, I'm just assuming she's dead because I didn't hurt from her or whatever.

So I opened the door to my apartment, she's standing there, right I'm thinking it's a ghost. I'm like there's no way how was she even alive. She's got like blood all over her knees. So I just, again, flipped out. I fucking punched a hole through my door. Like I just, I don't know why I did that. I just punched all through my door

and then she goes, no, relax. I fell off the bus in Brooklyn. I'm like, how did you escape that? And then you fall off the bus in Brooklyn, but it was like, because of like that day was so weird, like emotions that I experienced, I've still never experienced that. It still fucks me up.

I still have like huge anxiety issues, like separation anxiety when like she walks out the door because I'm like, because I experienced what it was like for her to be dead for six hours. Because in my reality, I was like, she's dead. That's it. How could she survive the building before?

I did that on a daily basis with my mom, but I was my choice. Oh yeah, my mom's annoying sometimes. Yeah, my mom's dying. Yeah. Yeah. So you don. My dog. My dog. Yeah. So you don't like when your mom leaves. Is that why you still live with your mom until you are,

how old are you? 27. You're 27. Did you see the new fucking TV show that's coming out? No. It's all Italians from the Bronx or whatever. Guys like you, right? But they, you know, the big bad motherfuckers,

but they all live with their mom. Huh? It's a new show coming out with a mom, they call it Mama's voice. On what? On A&E or one of those, no one else shows. Oh, it's reality show. Reality show and it's these Italian guys that live with their mom. Every day I'm home at five o'clock for dinner. She fuckin' cocks me out, good fuckin' meal.

That's the man I have to choose from. This is awful. No, this is not horrible. No, you, you, nothing, you fucking alt rooms from. This is awful. No, this is not horrible. No, you hang on there, you fucking alt rooms. You hang on in. No, what? Yeah, you're gonna be choosing some guy.

You don't open up. She's gonna be choosing some guy. It's like, hey. You have choices. I don't know if you have those guys. I don't know if you ever run Xbox Live, but if you are, and you want to talk, like usually playing Starcraft or something. You're not fucking picking some guys, like, hey, what's up,

Tuts? You fucking, you can wet for this time. Come here, don't fucking look at me. You don't have to fix it. So you like that, you like it, Tanya. I'm not gonna be livid with these ma. Why not? Yeah, why?

It shows that they always come to you. You don't have to go to him. Because then I'm the one who has to take the place of the ma. Of the ma? Yeah, because they want to find the right place. Where do you say that? They're weird acts. They're the ma. I'm like one who has to take the place of the Ma. Of the Ma? Yeah, because they want to find it. Where do you say that? You're weird accent. They're the Ma.

I'm like, what's a Ma. Because when she leaves, I have to, you know, step in and like, you know, do we's laundry forum and stuff? I'm not hitting look after anybody. That's not true. I'm not hitting look after myself. That's not true though. Hang on one second.

Hang on one second. Hang on. Hang on. Okay, here we are. All right, we're back. All right, Kelly. I had to just fix something on the thing. What do you want to do, Kelly?

Do you want to what? I wanted to go to the bathroom. You need to go to the bathroom. Yeah, but I can wait. Oh. You're gonna have to wait a half. I really? I really love the fact that you were just telling her

to shut up and she's just like, but I have to pay. I should have let her fight. But, what do you pay? The hole in the ceiling, did you know the sign? I never noticed that before. Well, because Dawn actually made, we read the kitchen and she had a guy change the,

oh yeah, you guys moved it out. But here's the thing, I, so I mean, this weekend, I was in Reno. Mm-hmm. The biggest little city in the world. It is the big, that's the, I don't get it. I don't know what that means. Something is the biggest, that's there. I don't get it.

I don't know what that means. Something that meth heads laugh about. Really? I don't know. I don't understand what that means. If someone can let me know what the fuck that meant, it's a pretty big city. I mean, Rhode Island is a small big city, but this was actually pretty goddamn big. I was there catch rising star, good club but good people, weird people, fucked up, you know.

It's like Tucson on Nevada. I know exactly what it's like. Why have you been there? Well, no, but I've been to Tucson. Then I have a fucking note exactly. Because fucking people that I know that have been to fucking Reno say it's a lot like fucking Tucson. Chris, have you ever been to fucking Reno?

Never been, can't say. Really? Not even for business You father doesn't have certain vested interests. Yeah, that's don't some people like Ta ho Chris listen, I'm going out to the desert Kelly you have a fucking mini No, that fucking stupid Got it down I don't even know what it was. Kelly ever been? Everybody.

I'm new. I'm new. I'm new. I'm new. She was trying to go up. She was trying to be positive today. Listen, you've never been to Reno? No, where is it?

It's in Nevada. It's one of the only states left of that prostitution's legal. But it's not. Here's the thing. You think that prostitution is legal in certain counties, not in, I believe not downtown Reno, but in certain counties around Reno, it's legal. You would figure that it would be the shit. Like there'd be just gorgeous prostitutes everywhere. It's prostitution. Yeah, but it's not like in Vegas, you go to the bar, you have to be careful because this pretty girl sent out the bar and they're fucking horrors. But and you think where it's legal, in Vegas, you go to the bar, you have to be careful because these pretty girls sit at the bar and they're fucking horrors

But then you think where it's legal it would be a little nicer. No, it's just Mathets and fucked up. I know that I know prostitutes are fucking usually math heads But there's some you know girls out there with some standards. I would imagine right now They're horrors. They're horrors. But I was there and I actually went fly fishing with a really cool guy, one of the fans of the show actually. Actually really fucking great guy. Took me out fly fishing on Pyramid Lake where ladder fishing, where you take these ladders. It looks like lifeguide ladders with seats on the top.

That's brilliant. And you take them out into the It looks like lifeguide ladders with seats on the top. And you take them out into the water, you put your waders on and you walk out and you put them in the water and you climb up and you sit on the fucking seat and you sit there and you just fish. But there's literally a hundred dudes doing the same thing. Most of these guys are only camo waders with,

you know, gray beards down to their fucking knees, just fucking red necks or really rich people. That's who flyfish. The fucking rednecks are really rich guys. Usually rich guys have a toward young twink bearded, a young bearded guy with no gray in his beard, taking them to the best places. But we went out, we fished, he fell in the water,

which was hilarious. Maybe so happy, because I almost fell in, because my laddo was, he didn't teach me how to use the ladder correctly. God, I love to see that panic face. Oh, his, dude, he went to get off his chair and he slipped. And he was trying not to fall in. Trying not to fall in water.

The funniest thing in the face is just, he almost had it. Like, he was trying to fight gravity and everything and with his face, he was trying to pull himself up to grab something with his face. He's like, I saw you make that face. When I open for you at Delhi, and we drove back and you parked by your house

and slipped on that ice outside the rental car. And you were, yeah, you made the fuck I was laughing. Will you try to, you try to stop time with your face? Will you move your head, the wick enough? Yeah. But we caught no fish because I'm a fucking mush. We didn't catch any fish. But this is what it was like fishing on Mars.

Being out there in the desert, it was in Navajo, whatever the fuck, Indian reservation too. They believe that is you too. There it is. For I believe that is the land that belongs to the Apache. A war tried. And for if you try to take the fish. Was it a drum Indian? If you really want to fuck with me, bro, like he just breaks it, just starts talking a little. If you really want to go outside, man, I got a hundred knife on me.

That fucking killer. It's September 11th, man. I'm angry. Really fuck me up, bro. They didn't just attack you. They attacked me. Like you guys attacked me back in the day. Well, at least my grandfather should be. Dude, let me. Like you guys attacked me back in the day.

Or at least my grandfather should be. Dude, let me tell you, I've been watching these Indian shows to reservation patrol police Indian reservoir. What are the fuck they are? It's the cops that patrol the reservations out in Utah, Arizona, and in Nevada. And these fucking, these cops are fucking there. Then they go to these Indians and they just drunk Indians and they're fucking yelling at these cops.

Like fuck, fuck, I don't know how to do it. But they just yelling, fucking fuck you. And these guys are like, come on man, come on, Steven, stop, come on, let's not do this. If these were New York cops, they'd be what the fuck you talking about, I'm red man. We're fucking yelling me. You don't even know what the fuck 116 percent fucking snap your hand. I smoke your fucking cigarettes, but I'm gonna fucking smoke you on a second. I'm not gonna lie. Your cigarettes might be all natural. The beating I give you is gonna be very back. My aunt ran hospital. He literally spins red out of a character.

My aunt. But she did she ran like your fucking Superman in a phone booth. Yeah, your cloud can again. Hey, how you doing? But my aunt ran a hospital on a Indian reservation in Northern California. And I used to go out and visit her. And those guys do not like white people. No.

Oh no. No. I was in a 7-11 that they had on the res and who built it. Right. My aunt was like, you go in and you come right back out. These fucking dudes. Why would you like us? No. I hate white people. They used to be, they used to be fucking the hunt and gather and own the land and tradition. Now they're fucking alcohol is killing their fucking people. They don't speak their language anymore.

We murdered off. Yeah, they murder each other off. They kill each other. I mean, you know, these crimes, a lot of the crimes that happen are fucking, you know, family disputes or girl boy shit, they just kill each other. Like they're fucking just kill. All them have guns, they have knives, they're just fucking like back in the day. Just stick a knife right in your heart and watch you die and then take the kids

Yeah, I killed your uncle and it was honorable. He died. Oh, yeah, they're ain't none of that shit no more now They're like fuck it used to be like for when the great sun sits in the morning. We will have battle and now they're like fuck you Girl, yeah, you took my Xbox controller put a gun in your fucking mouth But I was out there and we he had and he had a fucking great time with this guy. But I did, I just put my iPhone in my fucking pocket. And I was out in the water for like two hours having a bullet. The worst thing is I was having a blast. I was having such, I'm in the water, I'm fishing, I'm casting,

everything's going good. And I didn't even know then I get out to make a phone call. Like where's my phone? I went and I reached it and just pulled it out. It was just dripping wet and I'm like, oh, it's just everything that fun that just happened was taken away. Did you get extremely angry or were you just defeated? I was, I get defeated.

When my electronics, because I just hear her going, you don't need it, you don't need it, you don't need it, you don't need it. you don't need it, you don't need it. And I'm just saying, fuck, how am I gonna be able to get this butt? I'm a fucking smart motherfucker. When I bought my iPhone, they said do you want the the care plus package that comes with Apple for a hundred bucks? What does that mean?

Oh, you can smash your phone or get your phone wet up to two times in two years and we give you a new phone for $49, no fucking questions asked. And I did that, I found the Apple Store in the middle of the fucking desert somewhere. And the fucking nuts. In the Inreservation Apple Store. Yeah. Forring our great chief with the eyes made of glass,

wind of another world. For he gave us products. It's not an Apple, it's a hunk of corn. Yeah. Welcome to the other world. For he gave us products. It's not an apple. It's a hug a corn. Yeah. Welcome to the maze store. Look, get out of here for you. So we went, I got my new phone and then this is the fucked up thing. I wanted to bring this up, is that we went to James. The manager of the place took me to Virginia City. Have you heard of Virginia City? No.

Okay, it's a town. It's during the gold rush of Nevada. These people moved to Virginia City. They found silver, silver mines. They were looking for gold. They were hucking all this shit out. All of a sudden, they realized the shit they were throwing out was silver So 30,000 people moved up to the top of this mountain basically in the side of this mountain

Virginia city in 1850. Oh, it's probably doing good now It's a fucking it's yeah, it's it's but here is it. It's a tourist town now But it's the same way pretty much the way it was. The main drag is the way it was. That's pretty awesome. Back in, back in the day. That's like Tombstone Arizona. Right.

Yeah, it's all the old buildings and then the fucking museums. And I went into, like, it was, it's fucking incredible. You're driving, you're driving. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up It's a mountain town. It's not a mountain town. You have We have a ton of them in Colorado. You stop fucking it's not a get the face off. I don't trust you. It's not a mountain town. Kelly, will you pull up Instagram the app Instagram on their place? Okay. Please, where is he?

Over there. Where's he books? Can you give me, we're like at electricity five easily. I don't know if you can hate me, was it books? But can you bring me a pizza? Of the town that Bobby's talking about. Hey, a gram Instagram is a McRiffaw's three ruse. Instagram is an app.

It's Twitter, but with photos. You take photos of your day or wherever you are and you put them off and you can look at your followers photos. They look at yours But you can fuck with them. You can put filters on it And I I actually one of my favorite apps. I use it all the fucking time But I take photos of you know, we're out we're out and all that stuff. Oh babe. Where's my bag? My one of those bags my my BBP bag The one I take with me

Yeah, the black one anyways, you got got it? Okay, go to the settings. Turn it to me for a second, babe. Go to the profile and then go to my photos. Make sure you're on the interim net. In the back where the computer is is a magazine, that's for Dan. In the back, the back, that's the front. You wonder why I fucking get angry.

All right. Sky mall! I got sky mall for you for your tech talk today. Oh, thank you. Because you suck at tech talk. Can we talk about airplanes again? Shut up, no, put that down. Don't look at it now.

But anyways, I'm bringing this fucking holding to a screeching halt. But we're going to take a little break right now. But when we come back, we're going to talk about Some shit that happened in Virginia City in the mountain town. Yeah, if you go see the go to the first photo That's that's fucking Virginia City right there look at that shit What do you get that face off for why do you have the face on? Because I've been to towns like that. Yeah, you've never been to this town. They scare me It's a scout give you that it's scary. It's scary. It's a tourist place silver mine carados scary a shit It's a mountain town that was a silver town, but this is touristy now like all the sour silver mine supposed to be I got really good

Bob are cute this place. Yeah, they have to have food Good. Well, you did not in the place. You're talking about probably humans. You're probably eating people So what the fucking tasted like can't meet candy. I need a human if it tastes like that Have you ever been to a desert town? Have you ever been out of the Bronx? Hey my cousin, hey my cousin Vinnie have you ever been to a Have you ever had a grit? No, no, you Division three basketball so we we went to some real big shit towns like that and just fuck I was in some town in

North Carolina called Wilson North Carolina. I swear to God it was a shit town We're driving down the road and a fucking wolf like a real full-blown wolf came out so to run alongside of our bus and It was one of the scariest things I've ever seen in my life like with a real like wolf teeth and you know Yeah, so I've been in some of this you need to Wolf, we get it. Yeah, you don't have to. He just got these shots. You guys, first of all, he said Wolf nine times and then he actually did with Wolf teeth and he made the teeth. Nobody saw that at home, but he actually like,

we, he should have, he doesn't have his finger. Listen, when we come, maybe it was Jacob. I'm team Edward. Are you? Whatever. When we come back, Kelly's going to take a piss. I can see it in her face.

Her shoulders are slumping. We're going to come back after this quick break. Give you a little information on what you need to help out the podcast and other shit. So one sec. Hey, man. You ever want to know what it's like to be with a real man? and other shit, so one sec. the place that sees playing. I'm like a snake that's built to a big ass muscular motherfucker. I don't even know what that means. Ocean City Maryland. Secret's nightclub on the 19th of April. West Haven, Connecticut. Ooh, you gonna get it. The tree house.

Tree house comedy that is the 20th and the 21st finally West Haven you're not the only town to get it point pleasant you next 27th April things Gov. Bohemia, Ooooooh, on the fourth of May that shit's going down. Check it all out. Check it all out. RobertKillingLad of dot com, your motherfuckers. For Robert Kelly and his website, and let's slate your name. Yeah, really sealed it. Alright website and let's slate your name. Yeah, Randy Sidditch.

Alright, and let's action. Yeah, I want to thank you for listening to the You Know What Dude podcast. Yeah, go to the comedy awards.com! Vote for the app. I've phoned. Yeah, we're talking about the phone that you put in your hands. You control everything with your finger like the much old man. Yeah, Robert Kelly live. That's an app.

Call to the comedy awards dot com and vote for it. Your friends, your family. Yeah, maybe even your sexy wife that also doubles as your manager. Yeah. Vote for the comedy award dot com. Yeah. Better than me beating steamboat or a WrestleMania three. For there's a new son on the rise giving its love to the field. And that also is the way that I say that a new television show is coming to the network with the giant eye, which means CBS.

NYC22 on CBS April 15th, for it features our great bald headed chief Robert Kelly. Spread the work, a great show about a young band of warriors that much control their tribe All right, we're back Kelly went to pee No, definitely number one Z's you what you want pee? Yeah, did you use the bidet? No? Why not? Excuse me I just want it. I'm not in the lid. I can wipe myself. It's got warm water that shoots on you really him and her I still have to wipe though. Yeah, but hers has to you know it has an error thing hit the air button it

You crazy From the future from the future That Kelly wants to come back and say hello fat Kelly first order guy on an exciting date I know the guys people didn't mean I hope you don't become fat again because I'm going down You've noticed apparently You've noticed apparently. But, uh, I mean, that should be my name.

That should be my name. Fat Kelly. Fat Kelly. Fat Kelly. Can you deal with that, though? Yeah. Nobody be mean with it. But then when I get fat, it's like, maybe I'm stuck.

That we change it to use to be thin. I get it. They used to be called Remember When. Never gonna let that happen guys. Oh, you look good. You look good. Keep it off. And we're gonna get you. We're gonna get you a nice boy from this podcast. If there are any nice guys who are Italian. Oh, yeah, I would totally go for Italian. Yeah, but not fucking not like Chris's father Italian. We don't want a priest threat nurse. No, last time I went out with,

it was like a Jersey Italian and I fucking loved it. Really? Because he was like, it always say like we're driving in the car. By the way, when a man's driving the sexiest thing ever. Really? Yeah, because you guys never had on the mobiles. That's way better than when you just walking next to someone

on a dick path in a rue jumps in front of you way. Swinging a miss. Oh. Okay next to someone on a dick piece in a root jumps in front of you Wait Swing in a miss Got some fight Valley's on fire Come on Dan You doing the fat voice let's do it All right, but he was great though because he'd be like, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.

And I'm like, oh, God. You like that? Fuck, yeah. You like dumb guys. No offense Chris. Say it, no disrespect. No disrespect, no offense. No offense.

So let me ask a question. You're a single. Chris, you're a single. Yes. What the fuck? I mean, listen, stop. Okay, stop. I'm not saying this because you're here.

I'm not saying this just for're here. I'm not saying this just to for the rate You know for the podcast I was trying to boost those ratings Trying to get the 18 for 35 Everyone knows those women 18 for like a new Ross and Rachel. They're gonna get together. Come on Kelly's not on fire. Kelly's not on fire. Welcome back to her. That was a truck coming back.

Did you set a trap? Why wouldn't you hook up here? He's a good looking guy. His eyes are a little sunken like somebody fun somebody in his other family. Maybe. They have a little. What do they call that? Chris doesn't need me.

Inbreeding. Inbreed eyes. There's a doc at Kelly nine. His eye, his eye sockets didn't develop. He's a punk and I saw it. He's my dad to say, but my mom's from 100% Irish. I'm red hair. Listen, listen, listen.

Why wouldn't you hook up with a guy like Chris? I don't think, no, no, fans, Chris. hook up with a guy like Chris? I don't know, I don't think, not fans, Chris. No, no. Well, what's up? No, fans, not good. You don't think I could trust the boy like you, because you seem like the guy that gets the... No chance, you're good.

The guy like Chris, look at him, he's a fucking monster. He'd be getting the push all the time. Is that what you called the push? Yeah, getting the push. Yeah, but I wouldn't, I would be up for it. I never heard something that I like so much be called something So you made me go I don't want to fucking the plus sounds like just a fucking chunk of whale mate

You fuck like I got one good line in it one turn though You gotta go to Japan to get the push hey we have the push have the push. You want the old one, new push. I don't get any dickwear. So, wow. Wow. Nice, really. She's getting saucy.

They really are the descendants of criminals. You know, way they explain even sex. You want to get your fucking dick knocked off? I don't even know what that means. I'm fucking taking a couple of swaps at my fucking push. I want to go down fucking did knocked off? You like I don't even know what that means. I fucking take a couple swaps at my fucking puss. I wanna go down the musk town. Fuck around, a little lady swoop. You wanna fucking take your alligator,

your crook down to my fucking swoop. Listen, so you would never, you would definitely, you're a scumbag, you're in a self-emitted fucking lady's good. You like the puss. I do, I'm obsessed with it with the girl, but. You're in a self-emitted fucking lady's good. You like the plus. I do. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with it with the girl. But you love the plus. I love the plus. I love the whale. But I wouldn't, but now I'm in this new thing where I wouldn't, I would be completely upfront. I'm coming up. Why are you shaking your head, dude? I'm upfront with every girl

about the type of person I am. What type of person is that? I'm a girl hang on stop. I'm a girl. We're at a club. I come up to you. Play along, okay? Okay. Hey, hi, I'm Kathy. How are you? Hi, what's Chris? How you doing? Hey, what's going on right now? I really thought you were funny. Oh, thanks a lot. You want to hang on? I don't want to grab a beer or something. I'd loved to. I don't drink, but I'll get a cranberry juice. Yeah, that's perfectly fine. Cranberry juice is good for me. I get it you can't handle you shit I'm a friend This is poorly Friend for me So That's what you are getting the fuck out of here. You're rolling Chris's night. So, so, who's this vlog? You're killing me.

Kelly is me, it's Bobby. Oh, I thought you were, I'm a ghost. We never rolled blind. I thought you were really telling me you were lighting. Oh, that's the way they do it in problem. I'm sure you're really just gonna do it. Yes, and so you're not a girl. I like that

so It's not for everyone Oh, I know I just eat Faces oh god, I'm gonna be a ringtone You better pick up your phone, you're gonna eat your own. I'm gonna eat this phone if you don't pick up. I'm just gonna eat all of your phone calls. You know, pick up.

Oh man. Like, I know deep down inside, it's like there is something that's getting hurt, but I just feel so much better. Oh, I'm so funny. I just feel so curious that I'm mega fun. I'm just gonna say something. I can't wait.

I've been with you. I've been with you at. I'm with you. I've just fat-bobbed. You know my pain. I'm a struggle. I'm fat- say something. I can't really, I've been with you. I've been with you at. I'm with you. I've just fat bob. You know my pain. I'm a struggle. I'm fat bob right now. Look good, Bob. Thanks.

And it's- The way down, I'm on the way up. Oh boy. Oh, high five each hell. I've win my pops. I love the fuck. Benjamin, button your fat hand. I don't know where.

Ah. Oh boy. So, so, all right. So Chris. Yeah. So I love to go. But I mean, we're gonna go back to your place. Ah So so all right so Chris yeah So I'd love to go wait, but you I mean we're gonna go back to your place you You want to come back. I mean look. I gotta be honest with you. Yeah, we could totally go back I love honesty. Yeah, I mean, I'm an honest guy. I'm an honest girl. Yeah, I come from an honest place We'll come back to my place get a bottle like white zinfandel

I like it like white zinfandel. down mean yeah, I'm gonna 1985 yeah We're a Cape Cod during the Kennedy years What do you like to come back? Same as fucking Kelly No, and then you know, and now I'm at the point my life. Well, I want you to yeah, well I'll have some white's infantil. Yeah. Okay, great. So, I think you're nice. I appreciate that.

I think you're nice too. And also, I just want to let you know, be upfront with you that, you know, I'd like to drink, have a good time, possibly have sex tonight. But this is a non-committal issue. I got a career. Non-committal issue. I got a career that I'm working at.

I said you were funny. I didn't say you were that funny. Yeah. We're in a basement in the East Village at an Apple company. Why? What career are we talking about? No, that's a physical therapy. No, I said a career I'm trying to work at.

Are you trying to work at? A career I'm trying to work at. And I don't want you to lead you on. So basically you're saying is that you just want to fuck and hang out maybe occasionally. It's not going gonna go anywhere. You're in love with your career first. There's no chance, exactly.

And unfortunately, I'm gonna have to be honest with you. I'd rather not have sex with you. Wow. And then have sex with you and wind up, having you be upset and me feeling like a dirt bag. So if I thought you would not get upset, you're cool. That would be the best thing. If we could do that, that would be like hitting the lotto.

I'd be a mega million winner if I felt if you let's go. Let's go fuck fuck take them off Right, he know I think I don't want to do it at the club. I go back here Yeah, go back and I go raw dog too. I'm you know, oh, yeah, Jesus Christ No, it's just ages there joke and I know I know I know I would have just out there fucking knocking bitches up No, I don't fucking your comedian. What I mean HPV. That's all that you gonna get are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what never been there. You've never been there. You've never been there. But it's but you've been to places like it. You've been a very similar place. But it's not. It's it's it's it's got haunted. It's got haunted fucking places. Oh, I am. What? I'm looking at the fight right now. That's got the orb. Yeah, it's got orbs in it. Okay. I went to a place called um let me see here. What are you shaking your head for dance? I don't believe in the dark sciences man.

I believe in the Lord. I'm going to visit. I believe in the Lord and Savior. It's so close to Easter and I don't want to conjure up dark spirit. Conch. Conch. Conch. It's not, I'm not saying that.

I'm saying that I went. What's the name of Virginia City? But it's in Nevada. Yes, Virginia City is the town It's a silver mining town. They found silver there around 30,000 people live there I think 1500 live there now But it was around 30,000 people when when at the peak of the gold rush and I went to I'm a now a member of the Owashoe Club Museum I'm a member it's $20 to of the Oahuashew Club Museum.

I'm a member. It's $20 to become a member. You really are sounding like a tour guide. I'm a fucking, I joined. You originally founded in 1817, Virginia City was called the Silver Lake of the West. If you have a chance to become a member of something for $20 and you don't do it and you're an idiot in my eyes.

You're fucking dumb. If you have the opportunity... It's up to claim. That's actually $40. Ah, 60. I don't know when's the last time you re-uped. What the fuck is that? I'm not even out of the video. What is that? Stop it! Stop it!

Oh my god! It's Kelly! It's Kelly! What is that? I don't think that's coming through Oh shit my jacks One second stop one second give me one second Okay, that was a video of Kelly's that we're not playing on this. I actually said Kelly sent me a bunch of videos of her doing comedy because, look, she's a comedian and I never say do comedy.

So I wanted to make sure and then I found another video of her and her friend goofing off on a thing. It's out there, I'm not gonna send people there, but in the next week or so, we're gonna go over Kelly's act. Dan, help me. I want to see this video. There's a video out there.

First of all, you comedy, you're funny. You're a funny girl. How long do you stand up? Five years. Yeah, she's doing five years. You're about where five years should be. You get confidence, you get some jokes, you're funny. I mean, you're not in the York though.

Well, the fight. Let me just give these excuses. Sorry, Dan. Sorry. Jesus Christ. No, but fuck, let me just fucking give the excuses. Sorry, Dad. Jesus Christ, no, but we're gonna be doing that in the future. But right now, I joined this club, the Washoe Club, okay, the museum. And I'm a member, and this is where Ghost Adventure is went. I don't know if you know that. One of their first places they went.

They went to Virginia City, and they stayed in a couple places and the Washoe Club was one of them. And there's actually ghost activity there. And then the back, it's called the crypt. And it's where they used to keep the dead in the winter because the ground was too hard to dig. So they keep the dead in this crypt. It was a stone room in the back of the Washoe Club.

And the back then it was called the Millionaires Club. And you can only belong to this club if you were a millionaire. There was a bar downstairs and a room and poker and all that shit. Upstairs were all these horse. You had to be a millionaire back then. In 1875, that's fucking a lot of money. Yeah. You could be a millionaire back there.

That's a hundred millionaire. In the middle of nowhere, by the way, these guys would be a member of this club and you could go bang broads and in the back they had this crypt room where they would keep the dead during the winter. You can go back there. The girl sue the lady who runs it, actually, it's $2 if you ever go there.

I'm a member now, so I get a discount. But I went back there and we started to do some EVP work. Nice. Cause I don't know if you know, what are you laughing at? What are you laughing at? I find it funny too. Why are you laughing? You have a specific EVP digital recorder?

Yeah, my fucking iPhone. It's the same thing. That's an ad here. Well, a lot of people, if you listen, no, it's not an ad. If you listen to a previous episode of, you know what, dude? You will know that Bobby has a very secret trait

where he can smell ghosts. I, what are you fucking laughing at? Cause it's fucking ridiculous. You know I can smell, first of all, fucking damn. I'm not fucking, you know I can smell ghosts. He's the bastard, how long do we have to go? I've seen the ghost before. I haven't seen a ghost past, smelled them.

And I felt them. How did I smell like? They smell like all, they smell like all like no cuz you'd eat them Mine's like the mind's like the shitty aftertake in the Oscars This project is turning on me. This butt guy says no rules. Anybody's out there to fucking hang. All right, here it goes. I'm sticking to my fucking guns on this.

I can smell ghosts that smells like fucking old dead people. Like old musty, what the, yeah, mocked, like just you can smell it. And when you go to a place, I've been in a certain places where all of a sudden the arm the hair on my arms is Standing the fuck hop pirate erection No, that's what it's called what is it called pirate erection? What do you mean when you have the hair on your hands Stand up and the medical bills we call that pirate erection. We're gonna get into those tubes remind me

To get back into the heat what he does for work. Okay. After we talk about this, we're gonna get into this real quick. But we, I, me, I can feel them and I can smell them. I've done that. In Louisville at this hotel that they put you up at the Louisville funny moon or improv, whatever the fuck it is.

The hotel's been around for, you know, oh my God, 100 years. Alcapone used to go there and he had a secret room in this beautiful restaurant in the back with the trap door that goes down at the basement into a tunnel that goes a mile out to the river. In case somebody was coming after him, there's all these crazy stories of murders and death

and this lady killed herself on the 10th floor. I went up to the 10th floor one day at around two in the morning by myself. And I'm walking around, I'm sitting there like nothing, all of a sudden I felt this fucked up feeling. It got real cold in my arm. The hair in my arms, standing straight on its fucking end. I got a heart on.

What did you call it? Pylow erection. I got a erection. And I was tripping. Fucking, I got to fuck out. And in this place, I went in the back room same shit. We're in this crypt with these to keep dead bodies from the 18 fucking 50s or 1875.

And I heard, I recorded on my recorder, which is the psych-any-fucking-digital recorder, honey. All right? All right. And I caught this. You tell me what you think this is. Boy, ready? Okay.

Ready? Did you ask a question? Are you asking a question? Right? You asked. Is there anybody here with us? If you are, can you tell us your name? What was that?

Did you hear it? Yeah, that was like a baby. Did you hear that? Yeah. Know this. I'm in this fucking place in the back room with me, James, the lady and her daughter. That's it. There's the daughter. Hank, though the daughter didn't fucking do anything.

Nobody in the room did anything. Okay. Okay, so tell us your name. So we're in the back room. We're in the back room. When recording, there's a couple, there's two people in the other room. You can kind of hear them talking a little bit. Okay. Listen. Tell us why you're here. I'm gonna, I'm gonna actually record. Ready? Okay. Ready? Did you ask a question? Are you asking question? Ready? God, you ask. Okay. Is there

anybody here with us? If you are, can you tell us your name? Can you tell us why you're here? At somebody's screaming. Now, if I I heard some if you're in there right now We hear that was a scream. Did you hear the baby help? Jesus did you hear that yeah, no did you hear you heard it? I heard what that noise was but I hear help Okay, listen to it again infant you list do it. No, it's like Like that you can hear it right after she speaks the second time It might be Ralph. Ralph!

And real quick, I want to let you know I locked that door years ago! Listen, there's nobody in this fucking place. Okay, except for us four in this room, this crypt, two people in the other room, you can kind of hear them talking a little bit, and then somebody screams, that's a scream, okay? I'm muffled scream. It's a muffled scream. If somebody screams downstairs,

we're all gonna go, who the fuck is downstairs? Correct? There's nobody downstairs. Before I shit my pants, I'll probably... Here you go. Hey. Can you tell us why you're here? Did you hear that? Can you attack the blonde kid?

Sorry. That was a little girl. I shouldn't. A little girl goes, not me. I was kidding oh Jesus if you if I was in a room with a guy that said that I'd be like who the fuck is this? Sticking we just connected with the after world That body's like fucking shit and giggles. Why don't you attack the kid? It's probably swallowing up you could fucking knock it down

A couple pegs why don't you have this child? Never fucking sleep again. No, I hope this fucking kid wakes up with the horrific nightmares every night. Because I'm a dick. Every night. I really am. So, look, it's a great mister. I don't like living in this po-dunk town as it is.

She doesn't live there, she's a doreist. I, she's a doreist. Kidding a doreist. She's a lift and she's a tourist. I, she's a tourist. She's a kid in a tourist. She's a tourist. Dude, that shit's hot. How fucking weird is that? You heard it, right? I did.

What do you think of it, Chris? Being in the medical field, being a doctor. I'm not a doctor. You're a doctor. I'm not a real doctor. On this podcast, you are. Okay, fine. If I can be a girl hitting on you,

you can be a doctor. It's a head. Kelly's gonna believe it all you can be a doctor. Oh, he's a doctor I don't know Delicious daily I'm Kelly I know what you're putting me to her to but I don't know tell me what you think it is you heard it I think it is probably You know like I don't know probably some water pipe thing like some that screams help I don't know

I just what the fuck are you laughing at what do you think it is Don What do you think it is I think it's a dead cat I I'm fucking telling everybody Kelly. Yeah, what do you think? I mean, I yeah, I'm a big devil's advocate with that kind of stuff. Don't bring up the devil. I'm just... I used to live in a house where there was always weird stuff going on. So whenever I hear that kind of stuff it makes me, it freaks me out a bit.

What do you mean there was weird stuff going on? Like my computer would be like that. Talk of the microphone. I apologize. Put that fucking thing right in my mouth. Like it's Chris's thing. No, no. Okay, do it.

Hey Chris, I'm sorry. I like my computer would turn on all the time and my like, doors would open and stuff and it was a really long corridor. The whole house was a corridor and you would, you would, you, I would always see something at the corner of my eye and I would sort of suck it once and she's like, yeah, there's something going on in your house. Yeah, yeah, it should fucking break me the fuck out So even now I don't want to believe that but I'm still freaking out. Was that an Australian? Yeah, and I had my toilet was outside

We had an outhouse He's not gonna do it! Dan checks his mind, checks his head for himself. And that's what Dan's never been told to you. That's what did it. The ad has. That one didn't. Shit, the water. Oh, you.

It was the worst one. It was the worst one because there'd be mosquitoes hanging around every day. You know, 12 to go. You know, let me get a bite of that. You know, hello, this broads expectations are. No, easy would be to bang her and become her boyfriend. Who's a into a plumbing electricity and no ghosts? You get in her and push.

Can't believe that's a real thing. Oh, no. I do look outside and the darkness is going to go the toilet. I got my lantern. My lantern. I got my lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee lunch in my pee in my pee lunch in Oh my god, you shit outside. Yeah, the toilet outside It was a halo Vera leaves You can lift your sleeves now with the toilet that was built in the 50s They have to always really cheap in the middle of the city You know you're the shit in the middle of that you had to go outside. Yeah

Yeah, and I said summer was the worst because the mozzies would come in and try and I'd be like There's a mousy by you know, I'm a busy Come in and try and I'm like, oh, there's a mousy bite, you know, I'm I'm a Moussy Mosquito Oh, listen no more calling it mussy You're in the fucking Boston. I mean you're not a fucking Boston. I fucking fucking fuck you you fucking I love it all of a sudden Bobby's so Italian the whole podcast until fucking the Italian New Yorker says fuck Boston

And he's right back me fucking North Shore Bobby So you you have to get your feet dirty to take a shit I had pea shoes? No, I said I had people with my shoes on Oh, poo poo shoes Yeah, poo shoes by the door Where are my poo shoes? Hey, Creepy! I can't even shame my poo shoes! Oh god

Oh shit Alright, that's cool, that's good Alright, so you believe in this stuff? Yeah, I do, haps Where was the toilet wanted? No so you believe in this stuff? Yeah, I do. Hapes. Where was the toilet wanted? And I. Did you go in there?

This is the corridor. It's like corridor. Well, because the people that lived in that house before us, one day, this is the best thing. What fat noises are you making over there? There's another razzle. Oh my gosh. Before the end of season. It's just all stayed in her hand.

For my torn ass, I'll come in for it anyway. We had one day at Randallot and this plastic bag that was in the backyard sort of came up through like the flooding that happened in the backyard. And we like, you know, grabbed the plastic bag to put in the bin. There was a passport inside the plastic bag wrapped up tight, right? And we were like, this is cool, what's this? And then we were talking to the real estate agent. And she was like, oh, no, yeah. Before we spoke to the real estate agent, we saw an article in the paper.

And it was the guy from the passport he'd been arrested for drug trafficking. And he was in jail. So he buried his passport in the backyard. And he lived in that house. And we asked the real estate agent about it. And she's like, oh, that's why you got the house so cheap. Because before he left, someone broke in

and beat the shit out of him about the housemates the girl that lived then you like died. And then we just moved in. And we're like, this is really cheap, this place, this is awesome. Yes, cheap, because you got to shit outside. But if anyone tries to over price a place where you have to leave to shit.

In the middle of winter, it was cold. Lovely floor space. You will notice that actually these walls were just recently done. Now, if you have to shit, leave. You have to leave. The reason why it's such an open-full of pend because there's no bathroom. But anyways, let's take a look at the master. At the house.

That is in the back. Out of the house. You want to sleep, you have to sleep in this hammock. There's a hammock. Great house. The Mothsies are might bite you. It's so funny though. There's nothing I said. I was expecting somebody to die. She said someone got beat up there. And you find a possible in the back. So we're looking through the house. That's not ghosts. I thought it was gonna be a ghost. There's no ghost that you can't have a ghost from a fucking dude I got beat up a sad ghost Energy so have you ever had ghosts you have ghosts in your basement ghosts in the fucking basement? I went to his house. I've been to Chris's house by the way

Jealousy slut No kind of joke. I'm kind of joke I'm currently I None of your business None of your fucking business. Not your fucking business. Oh fucking crack you with a coffee cup We went to his house and we were filming something at his house and in the basement Such a de-rosa move. Yeah, dude. I'll be over. I just got to go to a meeting and then film this thing Come on set right now. What? We're here. Anyways, so you have ghosts in your basement.

Your mother don't go on. My mother don't go down there. There's ghosts. There's somebody was, I think the house was built in like 1940. Somebody got killed. Somebody got killed in there. Down there was like a big brawl or something like that. Somebody got killed at some like backyard party.

And then my grandmother who died when I was like a big brawl or something like that. Somebody got killed at some like backyard party. And then my grandmother who died when I was like one, my aunt claims to see her down there all the time, all the time hovering over the laundry. So my mother's like, I can't, there's not that. How does she do laundry? Well, she'll go, she won't, I should clarify. She won't go down there alone. If my aunt's home or if I'm home,

you know, when I was living there, then she'd do it. But she won't go down there alone. Because it's, I mean, I if I'm home, you know, when I was living there, then she'd do it, but she wouldn't go down there alone. Because it's, I mean, I guess it is kind of, it's a chilling kind of thing when you heard somebody got killed. And then you see them hovering over your dirty hands. Yeah, well that's her mother, probably even on the, but it's still a scary thing. Wow. Oh, do you ever have ghost dreams, like a people, like, you know, like not, you know, if someone,

someone you know has died and they come to you in a dream? No, I've had dreams of Patrice of hanging out with them But not of him coming back and go you fucking idiot. I'll just be in a annoying dream Bobby you stink He fucking trying to do a podcast and make it famously you ain't Mark Marren motherfucker Stop it Close face. Yeah, his point is like finger upside down yeah anyway it's that be great if Patrice pointed oh every time you're fucking watching some dirty point he just shuts it off right when you're about

to load just shuts down so you never had any ghost at all yeah I the house the mile fuck don't you believe me? I do believe you. All right, go ahead. They creep me out. Yeah, he's sitting. What, what, what happened? Uh, I was a, I was a baby. What happened?

But we lived in a house. I do remember my mom told me we lived in the heart for how do you know she's not lying? I don't know. She is a drunk. No, she's getting. She's a sweet lady.

Um, she is a drug though. No, she not. Kidding. I know the house in Hartford. We lived in was two stories. And there was a drug though. No she not. Kidding, I know. The house in Hartford we lived in was two stories and there was a bedroom downstairs and my grandmother was visiting from San Francisco and my dad was worked late and one night my grandmother thought that my dad kept walking up and down the stairs and turning on and off the light and she was like Gary, Gary and no one answered and she walked upstairs and

the light turned off and she walked upstairs and the light the light turned off and she walked up stairs and the door was open Jesus And then the next morning she's like she was like, why did you keep Turning off and on the light and walking it is like I didn't come home till three in the morning And this was at like one in the morning And so yeah, my mom's like it and it was pretty well known that it was haunted fuck Well, I love that stuff. There you go. It's a sign. That's it

But yeah, I believe in that shit. That's great. When I was at the Omni Parker House in Boston, I was fucking super creeped out. Yeah. Because it's really old looking and it's like very shining looking. Okay. Here's what a guy said. Here's what someone said to me.

That they said that if there's people, if there's one thing when I, I'm in the ghost. I believe that I've never had a ghost experience, but I watch some shows. Melum. I'm a, that's right. The super sniffing. So I, I've never seen one, but I do, I get scared. My wife knows I'm a, I'm a little scared. I'm a, I'm a pussy. What would you call it? All right. I'm not with the fucking cackling. God, I should hit you. Do you put it under the blanket? Do you want it? No. Do you? I don't. Don't you wrap me out? You're my wife. You're my listen, it's me and you against the world. These people don't care about us. All Alright, they're on the show, but they don't care. You don't wrap me up. Keep you trap shut. Listen. I'm listening. I'm like, moldy as we get giggling. Look close to no stroke. I'm a scary cat when it comes to ghostly things, right? But look, when someone's

banging on the door or something, I'm fucking up, right? You know me. I'll fight. I'll get up like a man with a human with a human with a ghost That you go take care of that shit Yeah, when I come to spooky shit if a light was going on and off don't that's all you Someone's at the door open up. I'm fucking out there. Can you get me a glass of water? I freak out about that shit, but here's the thing a guy once said to me he goes if this goes Wouldn't there be ghost traffic If people have been dying it makes sense though if people are dying you never hear about black ghosts

You don't hear about disco ghosts on roller skates with a headband. It's always from the 18th with the 16th century It's always white people. It's always little white kids. You never see a midget ghost you never see a fucking caveman ghost So that'd be great Just fucking freaked out by everything like Fuck it's a caveman ghost I'm not really afraid So in post adventures they had um, they were at an Indian reservation and there was supposedly um, Indian ghosts Right And they were at another place which supposedly held

black slaves Right And there's a lot of black slaves And you heard mother fucker a lot Mother fucker Sheeeeeee Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Shee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee I shouldn't do this. So anyways, but here's the theory. I get that theory and I was gonna expand on that. The last ghost hunters there at a Chinese place and they heard, oh, no, no, no. Something like that.

I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna. Some Chinese shit out there. I see your flute and Cambodia. Your Mandarin is quite good. She know, you you know fucking funny that would be if you were bilingual in fucking like Mandarin like you spoke Perfect Chinese But it's just you and you're like fucking dude fucking you don't even know what a fuck Hansen he had a teacher

Perfect You don't even know what a fuck. Hentate, heat no harder, heat no harder. I'm about to be perfect. They'll ain't got it. But my theory is this, I don't believe, and I've always wanted like, okay, there should be a lot of ghosts. There should be, there should be ghosts everywhere. If that's the case, if people die, but I don't think everybody, I think, this is a theory that I think that people die

and become other people. I've seen, I have been in the old West. It's familiar to me. I believe that I was somebody else somewhere that I lived the past life. You ought to believe in Coination. You ought to believe in reincarnation. No, I hate this.

I don't believe in reincarnation, but I don't think like, I'm not saying that you can't, I don't believe you come in animal. I don't believe that I was a snake in a life or a fucking donkey, right? Or most people are gonna say an elephant just to make the fat joke,

but I believe that I was another human. And then when you die, you're born again into another baby's born and that's you. And you don't know it, and you just live your life again and again and again, but some people don't get to do it. And some people get stuck, but some people don't get to do it. And some people get stuck and some people stay and and fucking their spirit or whatever is us is fucking here floating around. I believe that.

Do you want to reason though? What do you think? Something they did on earth? I don't, I don't think that you know that. I think maybe sometimes things just don't work the way they're supposed to. You know, like you missed your baby. Huh? Like when you die, like I got five minutes out of getting this kid in Cincinnati. Me, I don't know. I'm fucked in or I'm fucked or I'm sitting in this house. Maybe because look at you. What makes Dan corporate Dan? What makes you You're gonna need a fucking dog.

Yes sir. What makes you you, Chris? What makes you Kelly? You, I mean, it's your soul. It's who you are, it's your essence. And when you die, that goes away. Where the fuck does that go? Is it just dead?

Some people believe that it's over. You're done. You just go on the fucking dirt Some some people believe that you get reincarnated some people believe that you go to heaven this beautiful place with a guy with a beard and Fucking those pearly gates and now I'm never said that the Lord had a beard Bobby You are going you are not taking scripture literally You just will sit at the right hand of the maker. Why do I have to sit at the right? There's nobody on the left. Because fucking left hand is just crowded. And the fucking left-handed people of Kuiz.

I'm actually left handed. I'm actually going to record, right here. Listen to this. Did you ask a question? You asked a question, right? You ask. Is there anybody here with us? If you are, can you tell us your name?

Can you tell us why you're here? Fuck that. Yeah, that's some real shit. You'll pull it out of here real one. Can you attack the blonde kid? Mr. Oh, not you. That yeah, that's some real shit Attack the blonde kid Mr No, not you It really didn't go over well that joke flopped And a dark

Literally no lights we shut the lights that were in this back crypt It's me this kid James the mother the daughter. I throw that joke out there and it just flops The lights around this people these are stored dead people I'm a fucking comic I go for the last I roll the fucking If I'm in a crypt I roll the fucking dice. I'm in a crypt. I roll the dice of comment. I roll the dice. We're here with Robert Kelly. Robert, what would you say your toughest gig was? Time I was in a fucking crypt, up in fucking Virginia City. He used to stood dead people there. And I

was a couple people, a little smuggler audience to say the room was dead. The room was dead. It was cold. Let me tell you something. The room was dead. Oh, it was cold. Let me tell you something. The room was cold. No opener. I fucking go up. I fucking hear a little voice. I get nervous. Bang!

I zing the chicken in front row. Didn't know she was 10. She holds this shit pretty heavy. Oh, God, that's great. So I mean, come on, dude. That's pretty. What the fuck? What do you think you heard that?

Yeah, I heard that one. That's a scream. Yeah, I... Now, you got to, you got to understand. It's 12 o'clock in the afternoon, a Sunday, Virginia city, no one's in this fucking place. It's from the 18th century, this building. There's nobody in the room with us.

The people, the only people are way in the front of this place in the bar. There's two people the room with us. The people, the only people are way in the front of this place in the bar. There's two people in the other room. If they made that noise, that would have came out, if someone were, like that, you'd be like, what the fuck is that? It was this muffled scream that nobody heard live. Okay.

I played this shit back and we were like, what the fuck is it? We were shits in Gigland, like, you know what? You heard nothing. We didn't hear it when it accident. You weren't expecting to hear anything on the court of that. Okay, no, but I played this shit back and we were like what the fuck is it we were shit's in giggling like you know what you Heard nothing we didn't hear it when you were expecting here anything on the court of that Shits in gig that's why I was joking right I'm what you think if I heard that I'd make a joke I thought you're just real cool with that shit good if I heard that I would have been the fuck out of that real It occurred to what a fucking kick that little girl on the stomach so she was the only one in there.

Is that her? Possess her. I do that. I take the young. That's what I don't get in the fucking. I have a joke in my argument about how men were men back in the day, ship was sinking. Women are children first and how now if that happened, I'd step on every bitch's head on the boat.

I'd grab the two first two babies I see and float back to shore because I would, if there was a haunting right now and something I would sacrifice you Kelly. I wouldn't it doesn't matter that you're a girl. I would you're the weakest one in the room. So you'll go first then it would be between us three. Okay. Hopefully I could take one of you out and then I might I mean one of you guys would be tough, but if I could maybe get you on my side, we take him out of vice versa. And you get him then when you're looking at him him I'll fucking take you out. I would that's coming. I would do I would fucking do that I would kill everybody in this room if a demon was attacking us right now, okay?

But if it was human I stand by you Kelly. I'd protect you. Yeah. Yeah, I would but if it was a ghost fuck you Kelly No, I'd rather see you get fucking possessed and taking to hell. It's great than me. But I just said that you're reborn. Gone to the next life. So by your definition, there is no such thing as him. I think that there is. By now, by and get out of my store. I think there is such thing as a bad place. I think people are in bad play. I think there's bad spirits

I think what they say demons, but I think they can't affect you And people get scratched people. I mean, is there a fucking UFOs? Yeah It's fucking UFOs man. There's other planets. There's other people out there We can't be the only motherfuckers. We can't yeah, I think that's ignorant to think that we're the only ones There's got to be other ones. I mean they found frozen water on Mars. They had to be something there. There's millions of years ago. What? Because you're so uneducated.

What are you talking about? There he comes. Yeah, set up. Waiting for the punch. God made the world in six days. Yes. And here are his children. No, your dogs.

No, I fucking, yeah, of course there's UFOs. And there's ghosts. And there's fucking sex. Squatches. Yeah, they do need to go. Check this out. No, I fucking yeah, of course it's your phone send us ghosts and it's fucking sad squashes Yeah, they do need to go Check this out I remember my training So anyways, I think I think that that that Virginia City I'm going back there I talked to the lady Sue at the Wushu Club that I'm now that I'm a member of it

$20 if you want to become a member and club that I'm now that I'm a member of it, $20 if you want to become a member. And they're actually opening up with that money that they get from the money, the $20, they're opening up the upstairs with a millionaire club used to be so that people will be able to actually go up there, which is crazy. So now you go hang out or the millionaires, they're trying to repair the upstairs so that people can actually spend the night. But I talked to the girl Sue at the place and she's gonna actually let me stay over. Whoa.

So, by yourself? No, I'm gonna bring people with me. Next time I'm in, next time I'm in Virginia City, or Reno, next time I play, maybe not even next time, I might plan this trip to go out there. She said she'd actually let me and a couple other people Spend the night in the crypt No Yes

Yes in the crypt and that shit face and we get to go upstairs and Spend the night we get this literally stay in sleep in the crib because it's fucking haunted Yeah, that's what I'm doing boy. I smell road trip. It's's fucking haunted. Yeah, that's retarded. Oh boy, I smell road trip. It's not fucking dumb. Would you do it? Yeah. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yeah. Would you do it? I'll do it. Would you do it? Come on, Danny Boy. Come on, corporate dad. It would be fun. Thousand dollars in it for you.

Done. Yeah. I'm on. It's stock options. So if you're in Reno or you're in Virginia City and you go to this fucking place, there's actually a few places there that are going to the hospital, supposed to be going to the old hospital, there's a few places that you can go. But this, this, this, washoe club is W-A-S-H-O-E.

Make sure you go and visit this place. First of all, it's really cool. The bar is cool. The kid that took me when he was there with this girl, she kept getting kicked. And she finally turned around and she was, stop it. What's wrong?

What are you doing? I'm having a conversation. And he goes, what? She looked, his leg. He was faced the other way. His legs were crossed on the bar. It wasn't him. Someone was kicking her.

Someone was kicking her at the back of her chair. Holy shit. So this whole place is known for being haunted. This whole fucking place. Oh, shit, my pants. It wasn't him someone was kicking someone was kicking her the back of a chair holy shit So this whole place is known for being haunted. There's a whole fucking place So What they got like stars and shit too. I don't know if I can do like that stars are like like sky Yeah, like like all that like it's haunted and then there's like that open space I mean you mean that this the did you grow up in a city? Where did you grow up and would you grow up? Yeah, I grew up in Boston

And you're not scared of shit like that like the outside. I don't mean the Hey, it just fucking makes me uncomfortable. I see I see the fucking Milky Way and I shit my I see consolations forget about it fucking Orion's Orion's belt Orion's belt fucking shit I'll fight fucking 12 spicks, but you put Orion's belt I'm gonna be just kidding I'm gonna be just kidding I will walk home, I will walk home from the train and buswick Three in the fucking morning, bunch of brothers got guns

You put me outside, I fucking see you shooting star? Fuck that, shit Shit, I'm sick Shit, shit, shit Fuck shit I do, I saw a plane go over my house one time, I shit my pants right now I was like, I was like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa Yo, no fuck is that? Fuck shit dear. I do I saw a plane go of my house one time I shit my pants right Your mom is this big fucking iron skybirds

Fact telly try to eat it Don't say that English can't land what if it does I'm gonna eat what you're gonna land. What if it does? I'm gonna point it. Put it in my head. Did you get my cake, Milky Way? Put it in my stomach? Yeah. That was good. Yeah. Come on. So, so. Good fuck.

So, yeah, dude, this guy. Dancing needs pants. So you won't go in. No. Why, would that freak you out? No, that's scream. Does that scream freak you out? Yes.

That freaks you the fuck out. Yes. Maybe if you you the focus. Yes. Maybe if you do it like the option of a hotel to stay at, but then we stay there. Yeah, we're gonna stay at the haunted hotel. No. It's like $20 a night. Go fuck, we think we're gonna,

fuck, we go, we spend the night in the haunted hotel. I'll sleep in the car. The first night, and then the second night, we spend the night in Washu Club. But why do you think that place is more haunted than anything else? What do you think it is? I think it's just because of you. Oh, you have blonde too. Not the night in Washu Club. But why do you think that place is more haunted than anything else? What do you think it is? I think it's just because you're not...

Oh, you have blonde too? Not the girl. Not the girl. Here we go. Listen one more time. You ask a question, right? You go ahead, you ask. Hey, listen.

Is there anybody here with us? How? Shh. If you are, can you tell us your name? You fucking tell me.'s a scream and I swear that also could be a chair being pushed out what I don't know. That's a good point actually. It can't be a chair. Don't get to change it. Well, yeah, I could. But there's nobody. Somebody roll a skating. There's no roll a skate. It's on wood floor. You didn't see the whole thing. Wood floor. That sounds like a cherry being pushed out on a wood floor. I know my mahogany.

I fuck it. All right, I know Oak. You're the Oak. Was it Kimba? And I look at it. I don't think I can make it. I would freak the fuck out. Yeah, well, you're going.

There's a man. You're going. When we go, you're going. No, no, this is going to be a panic. Because you can't. You're going. I'm fucking scared too. This is going to be no, no, no, no. It's good. It gives me panic because I can't. You're going. I'm fucking scared too. This is going to be the best.

Too scared bitch. Oh, I'm so freaked out. I'm freaked out dude. I'm fucking freaked out. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You're going. You're going to go on the Guinness tour.

You're going on this ghost-garing tour. You know what, dude? You know what, dude? Ghost tour. I guess first thing. We're going to the Wojshu Club, the Millionaires Club, and we're going to spend the night. I'm going to set this shut up. I'm going to set this shut up say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, Yeah Listen man, we got to wrap this fire this we literally yapped forever. Uh, you got to come back on dude Chris. Yeah Chris Just a fun Stefan though You you um, yeah, there's a lot more to talk about what you do. Yeah, you're you're a doctor

Not really what are you? I have a doctorate in physical therapy. Can you get that at a community college? Probably. No, no, you gotta fucking get into like a graduate program. So you're actually smart. I don't know. I just tried to work. You know, sound smart.

Yeah, no, I know. I'm not smart. You sound like you're a smotter's a girl and sat in my favor. I want to move to the city. I'm sick of Brooklyn. This is what you do. This is what you are. You're me hanging, I'm not as a girl in saturday night fever. I want to move to the city. I'm sick of Brooklyn. This is what you do. That's what you are.

You hang, I'm gonna. If Chris is my doctor, he walked in, he's like, hey, I eat doughnut. Good, okay, yeah, another doctor. I get a doctor that sounds like he's from Boston. It's up, kid. I'd rather have that. I really, you got a fucking broken ACL, kid.

Next podcast, I really want to talk about how corporate Dan fuck. You know what, we're gonna make this I really you got a fucking broken AC out kid next podcast. I really want to talk about how Corporate Dan fuck you know what? What we're gonna make this is to our podcast? We're gonna go the net we're gonna go 10 more minutes because we got to hear about that I want to really go and fuck that you guys are getting a treat this podcast is gonna be long as fuck tree I hope you have I hope you have a fucking long bus ride and car ride. This is going on Okay, you know what, first what? What happened?

What happened, where? What, just, I don't know why she freaking out. Cause he has a story, we're gonna, I'm gonna get into it. I'm gonna get into it. Yeah, that's how you typical life shit watching a movie. So do you think he did it? I don't fuck.

Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Would you hurry the fuck up? All right, listen, Kelly. Hi. She's so sweet. So just to find a real quick, I don't know how to touch in this. You carry the fuck up. All right, listen, Kelly. Hi. She's so sweet. So just to find out real quick,

I don't want to touch in this, so you don't have to come back ever. Yeah, but I'm being a bumbi. I saw that. Now, Dr. Gisffan, you're fucking great. No, I'm not. Please don't pull this shit with me. All right, don't pull the comic fucking.

No, it's not even that. It's not even that. It's more than that. What is it? It's, you know, but you don't think you have a good time? No, I'm having a great time, but I'm like fucking no, it's not even that it's even that it's it's more than that. What is it? It's you know, but you don't think you have a good time. No, I'm having a great time, but I'm just yeah I'm not talking enough. I'm not doing enough, you know what I mean? I'm talking about it because I hear my fault. I just hear it in my you're not doing enough. I mean listen Listen, no, this isn't happening. No, I know. All right. I'll stop. I'll stop

I'll stop I had coffee is going down. You're fine. Listen, listen. So you work with who? Kids. I'm a pediatric physical therapist. For kids. For kids. I was working with adults, but then it just, I didn't like it. I hated it.

So you help kids recover? Well, no. I work with like mentally and physically disabled kids. Now, you say, I used to call them retarded, but I- That's an acceptable. Mentally retarded is an acceptable. Yeah. When I worked with them, they were retarded, but then they changed it to MR.

You can't call them retards, but you can say mentally retarded. But you could back in the day. Right, you could call them mongolites. That's what that's what the name for dancing is. That's what I'm saying. That's the reason to say. Yeah, there's a call of mongolites. Like in textbooks, they refer to as mongolites.

Yeah, they used to call them. That's what I mean. It's crazy. It's horrible. I worked with them when I was in college. I lived in a house with six mental retarded elderly men. What happens when you get six mental retarded men and put them in a house with one Boston comedian? Hey, can you fucking retot it? Get over here with your fucking tongue. It's the real dick. It's reted world Get your sugar block out of the fucking bathroom. He's fucking played with his dick Bonnie bomb the funny guy

Face is what sells it Oh, the face is what sells it. Bob, go on the motorcycle. Listen, so I love them. I had some of the best people ever. The great kids. Barry, little Mike, we had Paul. Little Mike big. Is that the irony?

No, this is, I tell you, the one little guy, he Michael, he loved rock and roll. He played a guitar. And he had rings on all his fingers. But they were rings from when he was younger, because you can't get, you have to cut them off. They're all like metal, like an eagle, a dolphin, a skull, all these silver rings on every,

a thumb, every ringer. And he had a guitar, but he didn't have to play. He was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Barry, Bald Guy, Long Tongue, he had a wig. I remember the first day of the job, he left his winged teeth on the thing. It looked like a critter. I was taking a shit, I screamed. I thought it was a fucking rat. I didn't know what it was.

All these guys were great guys. Three years I lived with them. And it was probably the funnest time of my life. I used to bring girls back and just tell them I had weird roommates. Oh, really? And then come out like a night of living dead. Nah.

Nah. Really? We talk to people, people don't understand. They're very intelligent. They can't function at a high level at certain things, but sexually they're the same. They don't differentiate between gay or straight.

They'll suck a dick or a fucking, you know, pussy, they don't care either way. But they get, you know, they'll fucking jerk off and they love, like, the girls would come over, they'd grab a tit and then they'd look at me like, they'd wink like, aha, like a jitter. With Downs syndrome, girls with Downs syndrome, that's part of their diagnosis, hyperactive sex drive.

That's like a part of their thing, like the girls are nine years old in my school, just fucking grinding up on, like, they're just doing these really like Jesus Christ. That's part of my therapy to be like, listen, you gotta try to show them ways to not, you know, sort of grinding on it, like just making it into like a squat.

This is coming from you too. Yeah, the guy who's just honest, I'd fuck her. I'll take him back to my place. I'm not gonna lie, you want me to fuck that sexuality out of her? Yeah, sure. That's what I do. She's like, I do with that.

She's like, Mr. Chris. Oh. Oh, my God. I'm getting fired for this. I can't get him fired. No, no, no, no, dude, look, I live with the nicest people ever. They're highly intelligent. They work, they go to jobs.

Actually, I would be volunteering. They're actually the sweet people, great kids. I worked with adults 50 and up. So I never worked with the kids, but just they fucking love you. They love you. I mean, it's a little weird that you did it with them because like a food fight, but I got sick a little,

you know, there was certain things that you kinda had to get used to, but they were fucking great people. Do you find that they don't have that, that like evil or greedy touch that normal humans have? What do you mean, touch? Like, did you feel like they're like honest in being real?

They're regular, they, it's, they're regular. It was one due to Dick. He tried to stab me with a knife. Jesus. I took a knife out and I'm gonna, I'll fucking kill you two motherfuckers. I took a knife out and I'm gonna fucking kill you two mother Your temper fuck you you fucking retort. No, I didn't some of them some of them are smart enough to use to use their mental retortation

To make you feel bad like all the time I swear to God when the girls would come over I said that girls would come over and they'd grab a tip and they'd look over the shoulder and be like and I'd be like hey Knock it off and they Yeah, they'd be like And the Fucking do it Yeah, creamy or big retarded That's it. Creamy or big retardant penis.

I swear to God. I swear to God. I swear to God. They used to, I remember the battery would look over and wink at me like, oh, I'm getting some of your chicks, Titt. Yeah, dude, they were very highly in tell. They know what the fuck they're doing.

And some of them are assholes. Sure. Some of them is one guy wouldn't get the fuck up. I had to get them up every day. Wouldn't get up. I sat at the end of his head. Peat, peat, peat, peat, peat, peat. Pete Pete Pete Pete Pete Pete Pete. He's called me a fucking asshole. Fucking asshole Oh, he's called me a shithead a piece of shit. Really? Yeah, I don't watch this

Shut the fuck up, baby Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, You Retarded dance on fire. He's a dance on fire. That's so funny to think that they just break because you are not too. They are very highly intelligent. And they're the most beautiful people on the planet, really, because they keep it, I mean, I was going to say, keep it simple. mean they've it's just their their reality is they love that they could get a job And a pizza hut or somewhere that just blows them away. They love fucking taking a ride

They're just like what the fuck why are why are people down syndrome so happy? Oh, they they're like the happiest people are not they get mad they get sad They have bad days and good days. Nothing, I swear to God, nothing warms my heart more than like I'll be in an airport. And I'll see like a full grown man that has Down syndrome with like his brother, sister, whatever.

He's just so happy because he's got like McDonald's and you're like, well, I mean, they go through things. But it's like heartwarming to me because I'm like, I wish I could, I'm just like mad about something stupid and I look at that and I'm like, He fucking took the last big Mac. How how'd you like that fucking cock suckle? I like you doing active I caught you Guinness act what's up sell out

Yeah, I really honest Your corporate jokes are not funny Hey dude come come on. But some of them, when I first got there, I didn't understand a lot of them, but then I could speak after like a few weeks, I could speak fluid retardation because my friends would come over

and the guy would come in, bomb the gun, bomb the gun, bomb the gun. And I'd be like, we'll go to the store in a minute to get come. And they'd be like, what the fuck did he give us?

I just spoke it. I love the fact you're hanging out with townies or something like that. Fucking dude, who the fuck is that guy? It's Barry. What the fuck did he want? He want a gum, he wants to go to the store for gum. He's fucking with daddy. Nah, he's re-dotted but he's a good guy. Dude, he fucked that dude.

Mom, the gum, you're dying, no no good. Fuck it, this guy fucking get him off me. I don't fucking think him off the door. I'm gonna fucking get him. I'm gonna bite your pain. Yeah.

Can you catch it? Yeah. Jesus. Wow. Fucking Aussie. Did they have every toe to people in Australia?

That would be a worse. Oh, the worst accent ever. Oh, I'm gonna be a tempted. Here we go.

Give one a try. There we go. Stop. The people who are listening right now, hold on. The first time ever on podcast history is the retarded Australian voice going to be attempted by our own dance soda, A.K.A. Monster Voice.

Degree of Degree of Difficulty. 10. Retarded Australian voice. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Degree of difficulty 10 Retarded Australian You You can't do it You're gonna work on that you're gonna come in next week. I'm gonna be doing my roommates gonna be like what the fuck The shower

Retarded Aussie And so so you so you've been working there for how long? For a year and a half there I've been a therapist for like two and a half and do they know you do comedy? The teachers do I didn't want to know but somebody somebody just randomly came to a show Oh, that's it now. all know. I got in trouble. I feel bad. That's the one thing I feel bad is that one of the last shows I did, all the guys came. It was me, Billy Burr, Patrice.

That's a fucking thing. This was at the beginning. Yeah. This one we're all at the beginning. And I remember we had a lavalier microphone. Oh, one of the old school ones. No, it's a little... Oh, the old fight one?

Yeah, they fucked up. I put the show together. Like a Bob Barker, not even like the ones on TV with a clip on like the news. So I remember Patrice holding this mic and being so mad at me. There was one of the little lapel mics and he was holding it on this motherfucker. And he's like, oh, Bobby, you fucking he's talking into the human. Who's like holding a joint, right? Extra loud, it's going to you, face of shit. So I remember that. And I went up somewhere in the middle and the retarded guys were there. All of them came and my boss and I had a joke in my act about being scared.

Because I scared one of the guys. He was so fucking petrified of the guy who played the guitar. Scared of the dark. And every night he turned all the lights on downstairs. And I were getting trouble for my boss because I lived upstairs. I had to be there. I had my own apartment, my own room

with on the upstairs free food, $100 a week. And I got to live for free. And I had a nice huge room upstairs that was all mine. And I just had to wake him up five days a week from eight in the morning and I had to be home at 11 at night. So I could do my comedy all week, go to school in the afternoon and fucking have weekends

free to do gigs. And this little kid would all either, he would shut the lights out and he come out and turn them all back on. I'd get in trouble for my bus. So one night I went downstairs and I turned all the lights back off. He came out a couple seconds later, so I'll then he flipped them all back on.

Right. He goes back in, I turn them all back off and I knock on his door. He comes into a ball scared. Oh, I do it two or three times and he comes out third time He is petrified. You don't know what's going on. Oh my god. I'm in the bathroom hiding He's in open the fucking Turned over the flip he puts his hand in I grab his hand Balls on the ground. What the fuck? It's making him a heart attack. But I used to have the joke like I scared him normal.

He was like, dude, what's up? What the fuck? What the fuck, man? What the fuck, but then I'm like, boo, and he was like, no, no. But I used to have the joke of my act that it would, you know, you can't get scared, cool. Like, you know, you know, and everyone ever like, boo, what's up, dude? It's like boo, you get down to them, it'd be like, boo,

nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, you know, I did that. I'm in my head, I'm like, should I do this joke, should I not? And I did it. And I think, I don't think the guys got mad. I think the lady got mad, I don't know. The guys are going, I'm so you. No. He's doing. He's working, you're doing you. I think the lady got my eyes are going as so you But I really I mean I didn't after they were fine because I remember that night went home And but after that I just left I comedy took me somewhere else. It's just sitting there

You know what's that? This really kills me is that I live with three years with these guys, but they're probably all dead now because they die. Younger. Yeah, so get into a hot attack. 50 or 60, they pass away around the election. But yeah, those guys are the best. They have photos in them somewhere.

They're fucking great. Barry, Peter, Bill, Mike, Charlie, he was around, he was the oldest one 65 I mean his neck would come in his head would be in the room before his body And he never talked he would just like leave you a piece of artwork that he did and then take a cookie off your table That was weird, but that's great. That's great. They're the kids do the kids love you I think only just because I'm the only guy in the whole school and I'm like you know bigger than then everybody So they look at me like a big monster, you know

But I think if I was just like you know some you know some short little fucking guy I think it's just because of how you know a bigger person, but yeah, I guess they like me I mean they're happy every time they come in they flip their shit. It's their little girls like they like to like a lot You and like I mean it gets in no, you mean whatever I guess yeah I must love you Yeah, they do yeah you're good looking young dude but I'm nice I'm not like the other teachers who've had 30s experience are fucking you know They'll discipline them and I'm like I can't discipline this kid with it

He's got a fucking brain tumour he's dying of cancer if he wants to fucking you know Throw the bean bag out the window let him throw the bean bag out the window But sometimes the other teacher's like you can't do that you have to you know, throw the bean bag out the window, let them throw the bean bag out the window, but sometimes the other teacher's like, you can't do that. You have to, you know, this kid wall is time. It's here. He has to be disciplined. Like once this kid was dealt the worst hand possible, just let him do whatever the fucking wants, but except eat the bean bags.

Except eat the bean bag. Yeah, that's a safety issue. Yeah. But, yeah, I guess I like it. I like the job. Now, what are you going to do when your career takes off and you got to go? Because that's what killed me. There's all of a sudden that opportunity to move to New York and I had other things going on and I had to go and I left.

I mean, are you gonna, is that something, you know, give a fuck? I mean, I haven't thought about that yet. I think if I had to move out, say, you know, out of the state, I can be, I'm a licensed therapist on all 50 states. So what if we have to do this full time? Like, for comedy full time? Yeah, what are you gonna do that? I mean, that's the state, I can be, I'm a licensed therapist in all 50 states. Yeah, but what if we have to do this full time, like comedy full time? Yeah, what are you going to do that? I mean, that's the goal. Well, I know for a fact, like, it's become like such a part of my life that I would, for sure, even if I became a full time comic entertainer,

I would always be that guy that is on the weekend's volunteering at the Superculture. You know, you get to volunteer on weekends, dude, you get to go to fucking Reno for fucking for far that you're going to, you're going to be, you just doesn't it's not gonna work One time allowed me I would go back to those kids But it would be hard because my and you know if if if I ever became full-time comic I mean I spent 90,000 dollars to get a freaking doctor at degree. I'm all all this data It'd be like well, you know, I it's like I feel like I wasted my money, but you know what?

Well, yeah, it's don't fucking agree with that No, he's not fucking corporate Dan. He has a spine as hall. Oh, I have a spine too, but I mean, don't you got boot and Boston? Well, I got heckled. We'll get to that. But I just don't, I think like if comedy, like you did spend $90,000 on your doctor. Right.

And it's awesome. And it's great that you enjoy and, and you're passionate about your work. But don't you feel like if you had an opportunity just to do stand up and become a better comedian, I don't feel like you should regret having to leave that. But maybe it's different because I never had a job that I like. It's not that I would regret it, but it's like with sometimes like, especially like with the kids,

forget about the money, especially like with these kids, like they grow up and forced to home. They don't know their father, So like they look at you, like they, you know, kids slip up all the time and call me daddy. And it's like, you know, you gotta correct them right away. But you can't call me that.

I used to have girls do that a lot. Yeah. For the Reapin' Girls. Hey. But no, okay, I can't do that. So it's tough because it's like, what are your hearts are doing? Like I don't work the summer,

because you know, like this summer, I'm not gonna work, because you know, I wanna try to take a, because I get paid for the summer off anyway, but if you work the summer, you get more money, but it's like, you know, I this summer I'm not going to work because you know you want to I want to try to take a shit because I get paid for the summer off anyway but if you work the summer you get more money but it's like you know I want to try to take a chance you know more comedy where if I can stay out until 3 o'clock in the morning at a show we're trying to get into like a festival or something like that you know.

Yeah. And it sucks because the kids when you leave them for a summer like they're really distraught like they get fucked especially kids. That's what kids are the autism like when you break their cycle like if I'm like I was absent last week this kid flipped his shit they called me out to put me on the phone because the kid was banging his head off the floor like way as Chris West because because his whole routine I'm you not fake the kids head on the table because you're on the podcast that noise sorry sorry we get it so he get it. So he, uh,

seen a couple movies with kids with autism. I was, I was, he freaked me out to argue just picture his poor head, smashing against a fucking oak table. Yeah, somebody's could just put the helmets on. He's got to strap them up with their helmet. Here's a deal though, man. You're going to have to,

I mean, if you're going to do comedy, there's going to be a point where you're not going to be able to fucking, you're not going to be able to do this, dude. You're going to be away. You're going to be booked. You're going to have to go to clubs. You're going to have to work on your shit. You're telling me that where you're not gonna be able to fucking, you're not gonna be able to do this, dude. You're gonna be away, you're gonna be booked, you're gonna have to go to clubs, you're gonna have to work on your shit. You're telling me that you think that you'll be able to, maybe a Monday or Tuesday go in and work with these kids

somewhere, is that what you wanna do? No, I'm not saying you can't do that. Let me take that back. I'm just saying, I know from what I did. I admire that. I wish that I did stay connected somehow because that part of me got killed with this business. It became about this business, all about this business,

where it's just about getting better and getting more and getting better, getting better, getting more, and there used to be a part of me that gave a shit about something other than me. That's why I kinda wanna have a baby. You know, and I'm glad that I got married because now I have something that's not really about me. There's something I'm connected to,

another human being other than me, but I didn't have that for a long time in my comedy career and it fucked me. It fucked me because who I am was more than this, was more than comedy. So I admire it, but are you gonna be able to, you think you're really gonna be able to do that when it starts happening?

Dan knows that when it starts, Dan in the last few months, things started popping and all of a sudden, he, this guy's calling you, they want you here, they want you for this show and that show and being banged. And all of a sudden, you're doing a bunch of shit and it's overwhelming, because you're going from nothing

or what you're used to to something totally fucking. There's pressure and expectation. Yeah, I mean, you're gonna be able to fucking do that. I think with me, it's like I don't even really, I haven't been thinking about so much because like I work and then I do this comedy, you know, every single night I just, I'm used to going to work on three hours of sleep,

like I just do it and so I guess in my head, I just feel like I can do both because I'm doing both right now. But I never thought what if it gets to a level where, you know, it's like that that next level then. Yeah, I guess I guess I'm going to choose comedy and all this over over the, you know, over the kids because that's what I've always wanted to do since I'm. It's hard. Did that hurt saying it? It did. That fucking hurt saying it. The kid with the fucking brain to my head That's just fucking hurt, but you know, you don't want to game the tumor because he's bashing his head because you take it Day off, want you know, but I would I would try to make a point to stay in their lives somehow right the kids who I know You know, but I worked as a counsellor before and these kids I remember these kids and

They were just like I was such an important part of their lives and how I'm gone that I've haven't seen them in years I was a lifeguard and a camp do any of the kids try to contact you. No, you know, it was one of the kids though. Oh John fish No way The fish he was a kid. I believe he was a kid at one of the camp the Jewish camp that I was a counselor Oh shit, yeah, but now he's a comic. So he's just a cocky comic. Hey, Bob. You know what I mean? What John? I like John. John fish is a good guy. He is, I mean, he's a great guy. And he's a funny guy. Very funny comic. But yeah, I mean, I, I, I'm just saying that I liked the little kid better than the fucking guy who's, you know, doing comedy now. You know, he was probably a sweet little.

Hey, hi, you know, I. Oh, maybe he was a dick. I don't remember him. I mean, I remember there was a bunch of, I had the youngest kids at the camp, and they were, I remember how cool they were, and how much they looked up to me. I used to have this Jewish kiddie, it's slumped over shoulders,

and he used to go, bomb, bomb, what are you doing? Hi, hi. Why can't we go over here? And I used to make him, I used to make him walk up and down the room and say, uh, chest out, stomach in, chest out, shoulders back. You mean, stomach in, chest out, shoulders back.

And I'd fall asleep. And I, I, before I went to sleep, he'd be with his shoulders back. And stomach in his chest out, chest in. He'd look great because he had these slimes. You always walk around like, we're never gonna mangan. And I'd go to sleep, I'd wake up from a nap and he'd just be slouched over going stomach and chest.

But I had it, yeah, but that was the hardest part is giving that shit up, dude. I used to be a teacher and I'm still nobody cares. No. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, I love you. You know I'm kidding. Yeah, no need to be a high school teacher. And I'm still I love you. You know I'm kidding. Yeah, I'm kidding. Nice to be a high school teacher.

I'm still like some of the main friends of me on Facebook. And when I left. See legal. Yeah, huh? Is it? You like to make fun of me. After, afterwards. Yeah, but I was a teacher.

I taught drama and acting at a private acting school. And the kids, like when I left, like, they were like fucking crying and stuff. It was like, but then some of them came here to study acting and I caught up with them. And I was like I felt like the big, the only person in their life that ever tell them the truth. Like, you know, they'd be like, this guy does this, so I'm like, get away, run, run. But it's the only way I'm gonna tell you truth. You don't talk to your mother about this stuff. I mean, that's the same. I know what you're saying. There is a similarity, but there's a big huge difference between regular kids that go to school, that have families, that have friends, and these kids. These kids, like you said,

when you become something in their lives, it's epic to them. I mean, some of them, some of them, just whatever were born with some traumatic thing that happened, but their parents are there. But most of them are crack babies from the projects, honestly. Yeah, because regular high school kids, I'm a my babies from the projects, honestly. Yeah, because like, I mean, regular high school kids,

you may, you know, I'm a my our teacher in high school. We were fucking, oh my God. But then you face out of it and you move with the fucking on and you live your life because you have friends and your girlfriends and blah, blah, blah, and you live in life as, and this stuff, it's, you know, pretty well. That's, that's crazy, man.

I'd like to hear what happens. I'd love to see what happens when you hit it. If you hit it, love to see how fast you dump these kids. Listen, we need you here on Moby, they're on Monday. Yeah, this is really like pulling my heart strings. I'm sorry. No, but looking at Chris and then like, just a think two years from now, he's like, yeah, I'm on a new show on NBC.

Yeah, fuck those kids. I'm living in LA now. What do you want to do? Actually, about those kids, but they never get to come to set, because they ruin it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why it on the set? Chris, what do I remember when we say Chris on the straight?

Like Chris, remember me? Fuck that guy. We're all fucking full-chuck. We're all fucking full-chuck. We're all playing characters on the show. I'm talking about you. I'm just fucking flippin' my long tongue out. I'm just fucking full-chuck. Kelly's trying to, Kelly's trying to. I'm a fucking flippin' my long tongue out. I'm just fucking flippin' my long tongue out.

Kelly's trying to, Kelly's trying to. I'm a sassy neighbor. Alright, stop casting. Stop casting yourself. You're the re-tack girl that has a wet vagina all the time. What are you the way? Yeah, you're the one who fucks the radiator every day. And burn your pussy lips.

Oh, grimy. Listen, Dan, I don't know if we don't have time. We're talking about next we're gonna have to talk about it next week We don't it's it's we went way the fuck over we got really into coming. I'm into that. That was great story man I'm glad we're gonna to it next week. We're gonna talk about Dan He finally corporate Dan on his Guinness tour finally got a nice fucking hot one. Oh, yeah delivered on his Guinness tour finally got a nice fucking hot one delivered bean town style with the fucking accent Everything you fucking kid. You know I funny get the fuck off the stage. Are you kidding? Oh, so next week Make sure to tune in It's it's gonna be great. So let's look at this podcast now Chris. Thank you so much coming on give us some

Information on your Twitter website. We're gonna be, go ahead. Go! Twitter is a Chris D comedy, at Chris D comedy website, ChristheStoffinno.com, where I'm gonna be this Saturday, April 7th, I'll be Count Bayzie Theater opening up for Arty Lang. Oh, that's cool. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! That's good, how'd you get that gig? How'd you get that gig? How'd you get that gig? Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, already just saw a few minutes and then he hung out with me to like four o'clock in the morning. One of the best guys in the world. Best guy ever. And I mean, he's been, he took me, he did Fallon on last Wednesday and he took me with him and just introduced me to everybody and it's just like we've been talking and he's just, he's just so nice. Like he called me on Sunday. He was like, oh, you know, Chris, I know you're therapist, I'm having a stroke.

Um, you know, it's, and it was just in April fucking fools, you know. And I was like, oh my god. But then he wound up talking for an hour and a half, half never said just asking me questions about my life right great guy Chris once looked in my p hole. Yes, I did to check for a little thing called Climidia. Yep, all right, so we're gonna actually bring Chris back very soon to talk about that So anyways, yeah, yeah, summer there. This is a two hour and eight minute podcast. We need to go Sorry, I thought about you know, it's not you. It's great It's a great. That's a good thing. It's not a bad thing. Kelly. What's up with Kelly the Kelly? What do we call? Dan get off your phone. It's get the fuck off your phone. It was the other one. What is it? Who was it? It was big jail.

For what next week? I was seeing have a big jail. I was going to announce that. Shut your face, get off your father. All right. April 4th, I'll bet the Creek in a cave in Long Island City. But then in May, the second to the 5th, I'm going to be in London. No, this is coming out not next week, the week after. I think this one will be better for people.

Wilmington, North Carolina, maybe the May 2nd to the 5th for the Cape Fier Festival. Anyone can donate a flight for me. So I can tell you she has to pay their They make her fucking pay what South West. West made me pay. I didn't I didn't pay for your room They give me a band an apartment remember. Oh, did you do it was nice though? It's actually a really nice apartment Well, I don't know and I also you've and yeah come find me on Twitter Kelly for you go and KELL Y if I yes to you see Oh, don't like that she tried to get sexy at the end because the guys I tell you what the guys who listen to this podcast

The love and Kelly. They love and they love and the skinny Kelly. Just keep good Kelly coming back back Kelly's coming back And if you want to see her go. Yeah, just go eat. Eat into a fight book and stock click and I'm hot and keep canning. Hi Dan. What's up? At dance order.

Come on. That's it. It's always. I at dance order. Check them out. Make sure you hit at YKWD podcast on Twitter. Robert Kelly, you know me. Robert Kelly live. check out my dates.

I got a bunch of shit coming up. You guys are great. Thank you for supporting the show. Make sure you keep spreading the fucking word and join the riots. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick Do Tech talk with oh That's mine. That's mine I can do it again. I'm with you I want typical fucking woman Oh, yeah, she does so great get your hopes up and then it fucking stops guys. I'm still yeah I

Ready Tech talk with Bobby and you're supposed to be quiet. All right ready to do it Which one two three Tech talk with Bobby and you're supposed to be quiet. All right ready to do it. Which one two three Talk with Bobby and Dan So you want me to go higher at Dan? I can't do I miss tech talk with Bobby and Joe so to why cuz Bob Bob Joe actually new technology fucking a anyways Really quick tech talk. What do you got sky? this how does not dance doing tech talk from now on?

Sky mall I had got a mascara all cuz they had nothing go. I will talk about Oh The most therapeutic massage chair you can own the Anata massage shares. It's holistic transformative nuanced Inata transcends everyone's expectations of how good a massage chair can feel. You know what, this is the deal. This, when I'm doing tech talk next week, I'm doing what I'm doing it on. You know what, fuck your tech talk.

You better have something next week. I've got something. But ready? What? You need it. You will save it for next week? I say we save tech talk. Okay, let's save it too long.

Skimal next week. Okay, listen, we're going to do tech talk next week because Dan is not fucking, he fucking Kelly, you have one next week. Okay, listen, we're gonna do tech talk next week because Dan is not fucking he Fuck him Kelly you have one next week. Yeah, I'm gonna have one next week my next week is gonna be the go flex from C gate It's the hard drive that I kind of complained about that they didn't send to me last time member I was like, ah, they're never gonna send me one. Oh, yeah, they fucking set it. I talked about it on the shit show after the ONA It's the go flex by C gate. It's the Go Flex by Seagate. It's a 500 gigabyte hard drive with it's own wireless connection.

I'm gonna be doing a full review of it next week on Tech Talk. We also have Big J. Oakerson's gonna be on the show. It's me, Kel, Monster Voice, Big J. And we're gonna be doing Tech Talk next week. Kelly has something, Dan, you better fucking have something. Scum all. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha have something. Scum all. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah.

Next week is the CK Seagate Go Flex. They sent me one. It's fucking amazing. So Tech Talk this week is not happening. Next week, we're gonna do Tech Talk. With Bobby and Dan. No. I do I hate her.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love hate her I love you I miss you Joe all right I'm stuck in the fog, I'm stuck in the fog You know what I'm needed For this problem's so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop.