Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Ghosts of Good Podcasts Past

Episode Date: March 7, 2013

Robert is joined by Dan Soder, Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J Gomez, Kelly Fastuca and Matt from The Laugh Button.  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Ma mal, a Madrid.

in all your devices. Plus Soda's back, thank fucking God. Matt from the last button showed up and brought us some goddamn gifts me and Jay because we're doing the the South by Southwest nasty show this Tuesday coming up. That's what we're doing this podcast to promote that show So I keep bringing it back during the show if you'll probably notice that that's well put in the stairs They show out extra show go promote the fuck out of the South by Southwest nasty show But me and big J. Aron IE Shataylor Mark Norman and there's another dude

Mark Norman and now there's another dude. It's fucking dead shit. You got a nice little gift which is great from Blue Microphone. They hooked us up again which is awesome. They hooked us up with these blue spark microphones. They're condenser mics. So I really can't use them at the studio but they're great at home to do these promos and intros and all that shit so my Matt Brunger is actually Matt Brunger Mark Newellman Big J. Aisha Tyler. I'm hosting the Robert Kelly nasty show Self by Self West. So that's what we did this show.

It was hilarious though. Of course it went off track. Of course people fucking smashed everybody. It was hilarious though. Of course it went off track. Of course people fucking smashed everybody. There was some shit said. It was a fucking fun one, dude. It was really a good show. So enjoy this one. A lot of fun mean shit was said. And of course we talked about some serious shit. And we promoted the South by well, South by Southwest, fucking whatever it's called. South by Southwest Show that we're doing. So if you're in Texas, if you plan on going to the South by Southwest, get your ass to our show.

One night, two shows, boom. Now what do you get any questions? YKWD at riotcast.com. We get your emails, we really appreciate all them. Really nice fucking emails. I'm so glad that all you guys are showing up on my shows. I can't believe how many fucking YKWD fans are actually at the gigs. Awesome, awesome, awesome.

I got all your emails from a bunch of you motherfuckers. All right, I'm just really happy to see you. I'm just going-applicating. I'm just trying to talk to this new microphone. But I just keep talking, maybe saying... What'd you say? Shit, don't fucking talk on the show. Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo All that shit. Email us, watch www.ridecast.com. Read them all. We appreciate them.

Any critiques, any questions, anybody want to see on the show? Anything that's going on, anything that's fucked up? Please, email us. Let us know. And make sure you follow us on Twitter, Facebook. This is Get The F**k On It. Got it. Where to?

I'm going to knock you. I'm going knock you. I'm gonna point you right in the baby's. Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. Spread the word. Cut the reverse. Fuck off. Ugh.

Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Liri. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Liri. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Kreiser. Staying cookin' you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what, dude?

You know what, dude? Ify bippy bbya, ify bippy boo. Dippy, dippy dhya, yabba dhyba doo. Dude! This is Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do?

You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do?

You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do?

You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? You know what to do? Alright, we're going grab a microphone Matt you're gonna move over to add we're all these yes offs. Yeah, I know what he said he was like gonna be like today's on his way. When did you tell me? What's that? Like you know, ages ago. You did?

You message a big J? No. Oh you did didn't you say? First of all get the gum out of your mouth. I don't have gum my mouth. Then stop chewing your lip Put her you just swallowed it Pulled up see the thing behind you if it's if you're too far forward you can pull that pillow I've tried it swallow gum since I was a child. That was the worst thing I've ever done in my entire life Oh, you can't say that about come You can't say that about come. Ha ha ha ha ha.

It's true. Ayo. Yeah, let me see this real quick. Let's, um, hey, you guys have, we're here. You know what dude, starting. I'm not waiting for big J, fucking big late J. Is he always late? Yeah.

He's always late now, but he never, he wasn't. It's when he gets too comfortable, he gets late. Just spit it out, Kelly. He's not gonna help you career. I am. Yeah, big shit isn't enough the ability to help your career. It's help his own career.

I'm sure he's been on time once or twice, but I just always know he's always late. It's, you know what it is. What's that? Matt from laugh buttons. How are you? How are you? I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. Matt from laugh buttons. How are you? How are you? I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

Matt from laugh button, it's not respect. It's that when people get too comfortable, they're like, fuck it, I can be late. You know, you know who's not late? Ever? Louis Shagamas. Kelly Fistuka. Hey!

This guy, boom, thank you. That's how she can't be comfortable on those pants, they're too tight. You know what? You want to give me a fucking shit about getting fat Lewis fat go man? Yeah, but you're a chick it counts when you get fat when I look for you I get fat I get nice big boobs and I get free coffee at the coffee. Yeah, did I don't did I not get You did and I've been wanting to tits fuck Kelly the last couple weeks. Yeah, but you've been looking at her back fat Yeah, it's not her tits. I was trying to fuck the back of her neck. I believe Lewis that all people is gonna give me shit about getting fat.

He was trying to escape jeans one time and you couldn't even pull him up to your wake. Do you want to see something? I have a hole. I have a hole. I'm not sure that your knees, you fat mother fuck. You want to see the fat that's spilling out of the hole? Look at that. Look at this. Look at this. Take photos of this place. Yeah, do you take it. Oh my god. I am Kelly take photos of this. Did you split your pants? I didn't know it's funny. No, I'll tell you what it is. Please God. I am, Kelly, take photos of this. Did you split your pants? No, that's funny. No, I'll tell you what it is. Please let me tell you what it is. It's because you are fatness.

You are fat inner thighs rub together. Yeah. That's what it is. It's friction. It's fucking friction. And it rub together and it fucking, blu-y disintegrated. Along with your ball-ass juice acid

that sweat gizz that comes out of your fucking asshole and the heat from your fucking fat Pregnant thighs rubbing together Ruin your jeans My my thighs are five months pregnant. I love the Kelly's taking pictures with the shittiest phone You want to see but you know it's fine dude. I had these jeans patch four times. I see all the patches dude And they they patched the other there and I was fucking out my buddy and I took him down and tried to do an arm bar on him and they just split again and I almost cried.

You almost dropped it. I love it some sack over there. Dude, no, it's a fat of my thighs that is spilling out of my jeans. I appreciate it, like, twisted a video. I love that. I love the fact. Daddy.

Wow. Wait, no, no. Ha, no, no Love the fact that you you're gonna add like some macho shit in there. Yeah, how are the fights this weekend? How was Vandelay silver? Oh, dude unbelievable. Did he fucking killed it? Maybe look I'm one of these people I'm on an old-school pride guy. I don't really give a shit dude. I'm a gay pride guy in this school. Hello I just don't give a shit about you. I'm giving shit about fucking pride I watch your language. I'm a UFC. This isn't fucking hammer fisting hammer fist during have a first thing But I do

Bob you wish you had that I wish you had that sound effect on this podcast just keep going I'm a you and you're fucking oversized fucking rope hoodie rope. I'm a fan of underdogs I wish you would hang himself with a bob Oh my god, you're right Kelly. I really that is that is just in case he replaced the regular rope in his hoodie With thicker rope so he could fucking take himself out Just in case close one rope. Yeah, what is that? What did you get that?

Why is your hoodie rope so thick? It's like a fucking, I don't know. Stop making fun of me, we're in for two minutes. We're fucking gay. Like a fucking geek. He's like, he always heels, calling fat and he can't fly back. Yeah, I'll make fun of his hoodie rope and little Lewis Jay Gomez isn't real as dude of the week.

He's a fucking pushwack. That's a beautiful, full set of. Go ahead, I'm sorry Lewis, go ahead. I like an underdog, so I was, I was really hard for Vandy. Yeah, dude, no. I'm not an underdog because you have to be in the game to fucking be an underdog. I'm a spectator on the outside that's never had the opportunity to play. You ever see Rocky, the first one?

No. The first movie Rocky. What is that? And then, you ever remember when she was ever seen Rocky when she was running through the crowd at the end and the hat falls off? And like, she comes up on and he grabs her, and then around 50 rows back, you see that guy, and the background looking up, that's you.

No, buddy. Oh, shit. I brag to all my friends that I was in the movie, but I wasn't credited. Yeah. You're not even in the first row of people that she runs by Those people are now cardboard cutouts are not even real people

I'm a CGI blobs basically that today. Do they really do that? Oh, yeah, dude totally we actually got a Somehow somewhere one of them ended up near a trash can at our office one day. And it's Mr. Flatpeople, Mr. Flatpeople.com, a little plug for him, I guess. Don't even know if they're still around, but they actually make these cardboard cutouts. Wow. The act of sex was in movies. Wow, that's crazy. Um, well, fun facts for that. Story time with my buddy to fun facts with Robert Cavan.

I'm sicky. Now that you get in chunky again and you're titsy getting big, You better hide that cleavage. Yeah, I don't want it hanging out anymore. This is supposed to be I'm not supposed to wear a single under this shirt but I had to get my tits for fucking you. Like a wrestling, a singlet you're wearing under your shirt. Wow. I'm supposed to I wore this the other night at Patrice's thing but I had to wear a hand. What's a singlet? Singlet is like a top that doesn't have sleeves. But it does go down to your koochi? No, it stops not by me.

Do you have to button it when you're pussy? It's a tank top, you mean? A tank top, yeah, there we go. A singlet, you're just making up words. Oh, singlet is what I call it. Oh, go get that. Hopefully it's, it's Dan, it's not big J. No big J, it's him.

Oh, okay. Your rope is bugging me. And though your hips, you've become you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you's why I tell people you know, Bob, you don't like pictures from side profile. I don't like pictures from including my legs at all. You you have terrible flat huge legs. You have like, like, like, remember the original like the original football players like back, remember the leather heads? Yeah, just a flat ass and just wide flat bottom. That's what you have in every pair of jeans you wear. You look like the Chicago

bears. That's pretty good. Thanks. What are you doing? Headlining, Liberty Live on March 12. Oh, not me. Wow. Don't forget that's a Wednesday. Don't go on a weekend. It's a Tuesday. It's a fucking Tuesday. Here is you fucking late cock sucker. Jay, did you get that shirt in a smaller size because you liked the color? You did, didn't you? First of all, I'm gonna compliment Jay because you lose him weight. No, I think he gained weight and he pulled out that shirt more. Now, the shirt was, he was swimming in that shirt last time I saw you wear it. For, let him sit down. First of all, Jay, sit, sit, sit down. Grab whatever you need to do. Jay looks good. You can tell us a little why.

He looks really good. I still don't like the mittens, but they're growing on me, because it is cold out. Yeah, you look great, dude. You're losing weight. Big Jay is losing weight. Why do I have the asshole paying that to start off?

What's that? Because I'm late. You thought yeah, dude It's not today you listen to me. I'm in the business Okay, I'm not I'm not a podcaster. I don't do this for a living. This isn't my dream. Okay, I did this as for shits and giggles around You two years ago and then people started listening now. There's just the responsibility factors Why do the show. That was the original name of the podcast. You know every time I've done the show,

at some point Bobby goes, this thing started two years ago. I do, I'm very nostalgic. What an iPod. I don't know. I want you to understand how nostalgic I can be. I like it. I, um, yeah, but you fucking, first of all, I know you smoked a cigarette.

From the park car. Well, go downstairs and go to the office. I have cigarettes sitting on that stoop. Here's a deal through what car downstairs, I'm gonna go to the office. I have the cigarettes sitting on that stoop. Here's a deal, you're late and you don't need to be late. You could have left fucking 10 minutes early. You could have left it hour early. I left it.

You could have left the half hour early. You could have left 14 minutes earlier. No, impossible. Why not? I literally exchanged keys with Carly and came out here. Oh, okay, Well, thanks for coming Big J has an excuse for We all suck let's tie the bandana around our chow this car

Typing her like a fucking jerk off in the same cup mixed the sperm and put it into one of our girls. Jesus. I'd see what time of mutin' come out. Baby, we're locked into. I wonder if you could Jerkoff and O'Cop the three of us. Yes, we can. All right, get a cup. Sure.

We Jerkoff and O'Cop, we stick it in Kelly's vagina. We force it in there because she won't want it. And we see what happens. That's called rape. No, no, no, we're not fucking. No, you're not a rapey-drip. Can't rape a chick with a cup and a fucking heart.

You're just pouring sperm into my vagina. Right. And it eats it like a dehydrated plant. You have a standard on her head. We have to open your vagina to pour it in the air. No, it actually just, it would, it once it goes on there, it starts sucking it up. You have like, like Audrey too, from Little Shop of Horrors. That's Kelly's passing. It's like a vampire old old vampire when you pour blood

But you know, but you know some of them are already kind of open. You've seen like you know Kelly for suga Like maybe she has one of those like stroke mouth pussies where it's like when you put them up like on the back of their neck It just opens up and you hear like wind coming through it You hear this? He means it. You might imagine a bunch of bats fly out. We want to make it seem tighter so they push and they make that wall a pink hit to cover

the hole. It looks like they're pussy throwing up. Anyway, you know that could, we could all theoretically get her pregnant. She could have quadruplets in one of them be each of our babies So you're saying that I'm I'm serious. Yeah, I'm a hundred percent doctor Lewis. I'm gonna ask you some questions Light trash doctor Lewis We we could all come into her a cup Immediately just we can get rid of the cup. Let's just fucking right inside of Kelly listen

I'm not doing that. I'm not I'm not a fucking animal. I don't know I think the baby would come out fat and no one would know who the dead was There's no doubt about that all four of us came into a cup It would probably explode in your fucking belly. Oh shit It would have a receding halon and it would be fat First of all, we all just come It would have a halfeding halon and it would be fat First of all, we all just come chocolate It would have a golden fork It would have a half-decent career Maybe

By law of averages By law of that maybe it would be good in the business It would have been as a mittens in the wood Fuck it, eh I wonder which we could call Dr. Steve Should I call Dr. Steve and ask him? I just told you the answer Dr. Lewis just you. Yeah, but you know, really a doctor. Here's the way it works by the way.

Not a pump. Yes. In Puerto Rico, he is a doctor. Yeah, it doesn't take much over. It's so sad about the situation is Lewis said it. Now, we don't trust Lewis to be smart enough to know something like that, but we also know that we don't really know for sure. We're pretty stupid too. And with dumb to it, yeah.

But we're not as dumb as Lewis as well. No, that's what I feel. We do know that. 1300 on my SATs. It's a prize J. I don't even think it's true. I don't think it's true either. And I think I think he read it wrong.

I think it was 13. How much do you want a bet? $1,300. Was it before or after they rescaled him? Oh, before, yeah, it's out of, it's out of 3,000 points. But whatever. Lewis, because Lewis wrote his name four times. We passed it because there were no each time.

This is the way it works, by the way. This is the way that, uh. This is the way it worked. The, uh, the fraternal twins, uh, which are the non-identical twins, it's two separate sparms. That do two different eggs. When it's identical twins, it's one fucking sperm and they can't get apart.

I swear to God, it's way worse. You've got a mumbling dome. That's why there are cases of fucking two different kids. Don't swear. When you start swearing and we know you fucking up. Fucking, fucking. There's cases of both fucking kids. I'm really sorry to tell you this, but you have pussy cancer.

Your wife didn't make it. You fucking asshole. Finish. Finish. Finish. I'm sliding the wheel. We unplugged her. Fucking house is on the top.

We have a really fucking large electricity bill. All right, listen, finish it thought. That was an interesting thought. No, it's a two-spirms, you have two spirms, different two different spirms. They can fucking for a little bit. So what is it when it was enjoying twins? When it's enjoying twins?

Yeah, doctor. That's when you fuck a chicken, you come inside. You don't know. I love that they only knew one scenario. That's what I thought. I knew two scenarios. What's the two scenarios? Whether it's's two sperms that do two different eggs or one sperm that fucking Fertilized one I swear and fucking they split off the the sperm will split off

Those are always worried his chick was fucking somebody else. He's like there's two kids one might not be mine Yeah one one one came out I'm a binary fusion cell Zago all that shit What's not your work? Oh, the Biner Fusion sell Zago. Oh, that's shit. Now I'm just naming it worse than ever. Zago. Ha ha ha. Foss for us. Nuclear efficient is possible.

I just scratch myself with my fucking own fingernail. Mm hmm. So, so, so, so, pimpish of me. I don't remember my nose. Well, I would love to try this out if we could all just come into a cup real quick. And Kelly, if you could pull your pants down and open up that, could you please find the hole?

Because I know it's just a big fucking bush that lions can't get through. It's the protective. It's a fiery hat. Yeah, it's a thorn bush to protect you guys from panthers in the middle of the night Fucking sharp sticks pointed out where we're from in Now

She's gonna moat around her asshole. Now, go ahead. Yes. Kelly has to pull a titty out of something, where it's just four fat guys jerking off in a room together. That's, we got comic books, that's all you get. First of all.

And we've got eight titties in this room, we're fine. Yeah. And fucking two big hips. Fucking loses hips are the worst. So his hips is just, his thighs are so thick. Yeah, that's the fucking hips and the thighs are the same thing He's wearing fucking jack off fucking stretch denim pants. That's stretch because he's wearing them They're stretched

There's an idea on the end of the stretch stretch So anyways real quick me and big J are doing with Matt and Chris Ellis and Mark Norman and I East Tyler and Matt Bronner. I'm sorry. No. Oh well. Beep, she'll pal.

Sorry, Bronner. We're doing, uh, think about it. Don't say. I was right the first time. I didn't. I was at Bronner. Yeah, it's hot brown, isn't it? I don't know.

Talking to the microphone, confident man. No, no, no. Matt Bronner. Bron, I'm wrong. I would call you would go to the internet and find out this the point of the night where the recent happens, but he bolted no, it's not wrong. Orin Holstein. I Eastia Tyler whoever it is, he feels awesome about himself right now. Now first of all, I like it. Fuck. Fuck Matt Bronner. No, no, it's not.

More like Matt Bringer. Anyway, come to the stage next. I'm just building Bobby's Impression Bobby Host in the show. Matt Bronner, I call Matt Bringer. Fuck him. Yeah, that's how I roll. Please let that beat how you intro everyone. That's how I roll.

What is going on? Are you guys all looking up the same piece of information? Any massive bit fucked at the moment No, my alarm's going off. I said cuz you sit your long way. You showed me how do you see? I know I did well anyways We're going to South by Southwest where head now Monday morning me and big J Mark Norman. Oh, you should Tyler and Mark What's his name? It's Matt Bronger Matt Matt Bronger Matt Bronger Bronger a Bronger. You said it two different ways You say it the way ways, is that. You are AUS.

Say it the way, don't spell it. I don't know. Brown. Brian Scott McFadden. Browner. Yeah, it's Mark Browner. It's Matt asshole. That's what I said, Matt Browner.

You're such a dick. Now, Matt Browner. Joey Wasserman. Matt, listen, Matt Browner, Mark Norman, Big J. Ocusen, Aisha Tyler, and myself are doing two shows. The nasty show, which I'm excited about. I love doing a show. I love doing nasty shows I think it is not being pushed as a nasty show what it says right on the it says right on the flyer nasty show I was on the flyer. Yeah, it says Robert Kelly's nasty show. I you should Tyler big jay augustin

Is that the order is she going first? I don't believe that is the correct order I think it's just alphabetical for myself. Well, I'm excited to work with Jay on a show. We haven't worked together in a long time. No, it's gonna be fun. And we're laying down railroad tracks. Well, you know, I worked with you at, uh, that just ended up- That's okay.

You heard it? I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I didn't get it.

I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I didn't get it. Yeah, you know what? He's singing the chain gang song. You're right. We did we did access live together You're absolutely right. That was a show we worked together. Sorry. I fucking forgot about that. That was like awesome, too But I mean like you know, I don't like on a road or something like that. Yeah, like on the road or being together We had a hangout after the show and and and we went to a couple of we did a couple cool ones We did we did a Arizona years ago. We did yeah Yeah, we did a the tempi improv. We did Dan Murr. Yeah, it was that one he made me some my cities outside. Yes, because they had they would do in time shares inside. Yeah, it was this is okay First of all and they yelled the staff the staff couldn't like show us where to eat or anything like that

Remember that what memory we didn't want anybody go with the staff at all. All the staff was like, they're all gonna get something to eat and drink, so after the thing, we're gonna get some food. And he was like, they were all afraid of us, they're like, no, we can't, he gets like furious if we hang out with the club. Yeah, he got fucking, here's the deal. I come to sell my CDs at.

First of all, I was in the bathroom, he didn't even say hi to me. And I had to, I just, the owner of the club didn't even say hi to me, just walked out and kind of smirked, like, yeah, like there he is. And then he came up to me like a half hour later right before I'm going on. How you doing? You know, whatever's name is. And I'm like, Hey, I'm all fucked up now. And then after the show, I go, can I sell my CDs? I come out. There's a table set up for time shares with this douche in a suit and a cut in the dress and I'm like where

can I he goes yeah outside I had to go on the parking lot on somebody's hood to sell my seat you had a boss it I had a boss it and I picked the wrong side of the stairs everybody came down and went that way. I was on this way. That's right. I think it's a little strip mall. Yeah. Well, well, we'll go. This is going to be a blast. Man, I was so happy when they, they picked you and I know Mark too, which is great. I'm excited to meet Aisha and, and, and Matt Brunger, Mark Norman, the nastiest comic I know. Well, that's the thing. Listen, here's a deal. When, you know, we were trying to get, we were trying to get Kurt to do it, but

he's doing a lot of these people that we wanted who were great, who'd be perfect for the nasty show, we're doing the other festival a few months later and they couldn't do both. A moon tower. Yeah, moon tower. So we, like a month later. Yeah, so we tried to get Kurt, which would have been fucking brilliant. I'm dying to do a show with him. We did a long list of names too. Yeah, and then, you know, look, I like Mark. I mean, and Mark is from Gotham. Gotham is a big fan. And Gotham is, you know, you got to kind of do what you got to do. But look, if he doesn't get, if he's not fucking Nancy,

I look at Nancy's show does not mean pussy, pussy inside of fucking pussy, jizz. Oh, Jay's out. It doesn't. No, you can do that too, yeah. Oh, okay. But you can be nasty, creepy, fucked up and angry. I mean, it's just it's not it does I think it means more of not just the witty. Hey, I'm gonna tell fucking witty shit

I'm over here now for the next fucking you know 30 minutes I think the proper for it phrase is blue you can't you don't think you face That quote you don't think you don't think you can face those two together. What do you mean? Whitty and filthy? Absolutely, I think you can. I think you can. I think somebody can.

I think, absolutely, I think that, what I'm saying is not just your average regular comedy show. We might get a little fucked up. We might say some angry shit. We might, I think you can mix it all together. Everybody's gonna have their own version of blue. You know, I'm talking about having a baby, but it's awful. I can't do it on TV.

I can't go on Conan and do it, but I, you know, it's gonna be here. So it's gonna be a great show. We're doing two shows on Tuesday. Tuesday to 12th of March. Right. Eight o'clock. Esther's Folly's.

Eight o'clock in the 1030. Eight o'clock in the 1030, which is great. Cause last year, I'll tell you, you weren't there. No. We did a show. It was a four and a half hour show. Continuous. They just kept it going.

Because that's what you do at festivals. Let's be artsy. And me, Gary Gomen, and then what's his name? Soda was on it. No, soda was hosted. No, no, there he is. What's his name? Well, 15 minutes of Dan Soder.

It feels like three hours. Yeah, he fought. Yeah, he really can take a mediocre. He takes a mediocre hit and just like he he comes off with the same attitude like he killed. Hey guys, because everybody loves him. We also had Doug Benson and Amy Schumer on that. Doug Benson. Amy Schumer wasn't on it. Yeah, she canceled last minute, remember? Oh yeah. So she wasn't on it. We tried it, we wanted Amy this year. Amy would have fucking been great. But Doug Benson was on it. So Doug, who's probably the biggest name, first of all, his name was the biggest on the fucking poster.

It was. I have photos. Me and Gary pointing at our little names. And then I swear to God, we have photos. I know the photo you're talking about. You're talking about your photos. So if there's time, Gary Gomez and Amy, and if he's willing to shorten his set, possibly Robert Kelly.

Amy dropped out so Bobby and Gary can perform. So here he is, speaking of the fucking mediocre. I, so we did the show and it was due to, we got there two hours early. You know, you get there, you're all excited, you're meeting all these crazy people, the guy from Blue microphone, the guy from CK, all these young dudes that are fucking owners of corporations and involved with these great places and you're meeting all these people, all of a sudden you blow your wad on conversation Because it's an hour and a half before the show and then you look in and the crowds dying and you see I saw Yeah, I'm going to blast. It's four hours into it with the same show you walk out

There's a dad with this two twelve year old son and the kids sleeping and it's like what the fuck? It was a little it was a little crazy. What's up, Dan? We and we made and we made every change that we possibly could right to make it better for you this time So this year we're and we made every change that we possibly could right to make it better for you this year We're doing we're doing two shows Which is awesome. We're doing a nasty show which is specific. It's not just which is gonna eliminate fathers and sons Show's right not is it two hour long a piece hour and maybe ten maybe our in ten hour and twenty we're all doing a quick Whatever I think right now the schedule is you're all doing 10 15 yeah 10 15 don't worry about it. Yeah, you'll

You'll be fine. It's look at this face like he's small to fuck or something Well because he wants to do an hour. He wants to fucking spread his fat wings He's got he's got he's got a breed. Yeah, he finally lost weight and he's found that he had wings underneath all that fucking fat So he wants to do it away in a fold We're just talking about you last year doing your mediocre fucking hosting set it underneath all that fucking fat. So he wants to, uh, It's up to you in a fold. We were just talking about you last year doing your mediocre fucking hosting set it. Oh, nailed it.

Yeah. What are you now saying? You come, you'll come off with you, kill it or nail it with the same energy. Hey guys, that was good. Yeah. Hey, I was looking forward to the drugs and booze. That was, uh,

that was Kev's, uh, Kevin Hart, when he was younger, like that was his, I guess it was a virtue that no matter what, he was always like, killed it. And he was like, I just watched it, he had a rough one up there. He was like, destroyed. Yeah, well, that works, because look where he is. Yeah, look where you are.

Yeah, look where I am. We actually honest with our sets and we're here in Nome's apartment. I had to put a curtain up to hide the computers. Listen. So we're doing this show. It's going to be fucking awesome. And that's why we're doing this podcast. Thursday extra podcast. So remember that when you're doing your plugs, this come out this Thursday. So if you got a spot at fucking stand up New York, plug it. I will be doing Guinness in Denver. Oh shit.

It's done. It's done. That's a lot. Oh God, can I give you that fucking Guinness gift back? Hey man. I'm kidding man. You didn't buy that. Don't say you bought it for me. I did.

You did. No one can tell you lying. Why? Because you get it, you turn Italian. I did. I did. I fucking did. First of all, Barbie. I got that thing for you.

Back when no one told me to buy you a gift. No one was buying fucking anybody gifts on the YKWD. YKWD GIFLAS Podcast. Dan forgets that I've been to the same Guinness factory that he got that from and I know for a fact that they're for free. There. Yeah. Other total.

What was the Guinness gift? What's the Guinness gift? It's a my dick and a Guinness glass. He just got a hole in the bottom of Guinness can't put his dick in his skulls. So with Guinness. I just came in a Guinness cup. Can I just say something? I think there's a ghost in the studio because every week I look and Kelly's mic is turned to the left. So it's a little lower. Kelly, listen to me.

I swear to God. If the most tasteful ghost ever is, it's the ghost of good episode past. That's what it is. That's the name of the podcast. Remember me? I was the most downloaded man. I'm gonna have someone do a Throbs France being here on Wednesday. No, it's my compute.

I don't know why, where you have to remind me. I think it's a setting that I don't know every week. I'm look over and it's like yours is turned down and it's fucking when I and I look at the big I don't know I don't know what it is. Maybe it's a setting. Maybe something maybe is a good Oh, in America. They were talking to me for the change of hex. Oh, or get out. Oh, my. You won't be able to act here. Oh, my God. Oh, get to your wrong, flushing toilet.

It's never going to happen. Become a better waitress. Get out. No. Get one of those crumbers. All right, listen, the good thing about Festuga, she's going to keep you alive. Bobby, it all costs for the rest of your life. She will have you up on strings if she has to. She really is master blaster. She's the one that bad-past. We get the bobbies. Can I tell you what she's been doing? I didn't get enough.

Coming over. We get the bobbies. It was. It's good to bring you over. Spring you over. A couple of vitamins every day. Every time you play with me. I mean, did you eat?

Did you eat fish tonight? You know, fish oil stops for the takes. First of all, just the baby. Yes She's been she's been slowly reducing my sugar in my coffee without me knowing for the last three weeks She told me tonight. I go. I don't want any more sugar. She goes. I only put one in because I've been slowly Yeah, she's slowly decreasing my sugar till one day There would be no sugar in my coffee and I can't wait for Kelly to meet your son. You never take more place She's gonna kill my

She's gonna go real hand that rocks the cradle Bobby's gonna get it the hand that annoys the cradle the fucking accent that killed the baby It's good the baby's gonna go dad. And here's that white nurse, dude. Bobby's gonna be 101 years old sitting in that chair just shredded. Fantastic shape like Jack Lillaine. Shit, so we're doing this stupid show that is uh-huh. I wish I was there. Yeah, well, you can't be. You know why? Because I didn't get invited. You're not dirty. You're not dirty. And then they pick Mark Norman. If I wish I was there. Yeah, well you can't be you know why? I didn't get invited you're not dirty in a dirty and he then they pick Mark Norman if I knew you're gonna pick him

I'm gonna pick him hold on with the fuck this a dirty whoa. We're talking funny Not just dirty Alex. I'll explain how the decision process happened. Look there was a bunch of different There's a field we had to pick from whether it be South by Southwest Southwest West the world. Wow, dude That was awesome. Yeah, I know Well, whatever Proves got them approved Left by the proof right everyone else and basically from that available was a big one, too Right, yeah, I always available. Here's a thing. Well, that's not necessarily good. Oh, you son of a bitch I'm doing North by Northeast that I really am here's a thing. Here's a good thing. Oh, you son of a bitch. Oh, I'm doing North by Northeast. Then I really am.

Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Toronto. Are you, what would you have done on a nasty show? Talks about this dick. Like give me something. You know, a big net push. You started about it.

You started about hammering that plus. What would you have done? Like, all right, are you guys ready for your next, give it up for Jay? I think you think this wet pussy? Hahaha. So the pussy comes from the winds. Haven't done that in a while here.

Hahaha. That's probably my favorite. So if they're wet, for the wet pussy finds itself like a metal recently trampled with a rainstorm. The dead deer. For when the eyes of the snake look into the eyes of the hawk, you know that the pussy is wet. Thank you. Good night.

Yeah, and then actually they immediately changed the post of the Dan's nasty shell. And I'm not even soda because everybody knows who Dan is. There's no, there's no last name involved. And if there's time Bobby Kelly, he cuts it time short. Maybe J.O. Here, that's what it was last year. No, it was four hours. Last, last year.

Let's ask it off. Second off. Go ahead. Last year, I know what happened. What happened? You bombed someone left early oh a comedian just say you know dog benton basically oh shit Dan Hades Doug Benson

why you saying you shit right now on the Twitter right now right now right now once real ass shit can you name this podcast it's done. I'm about to be some real. I'm about to be real I'm about to be real neutral Doug Benz is a funny dude. I love Doug loves movies Well, don't you left early you're breaking off a break him off the freestyle I love I love that Lewis really wants it. He will fucking make you be a real ass dude Dude you fucking hate Doug Benson. I actually don't know.

You don't, you do. Go ahead, I'm not sure. Last year, as you said to me, but after he left. No, I said it. I said what a pre-Madonna. I thought it was fucked up move. You were like this, fuck him. Yeah, because he left early.

Wait, didn't you really say that? Yeah. Did you? I was kidding. No, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, wait, didn't you really said that? Yeah. Did you? I was kidding. That's our corporate I am. I went along with you. I never said that. You're the trap. That's a trap.

Damn it. Even the fact that you jokingly called Lewis a real ass dude annoyed the shit out of me. That's not a joke. And Bobby's dead. Kelly, Kelly, go. Kelly, Kelly just, you know what is the answer? I was sticking to my answer for 40 seconds.

You understand, they finished the whole answer to me. The fucking honesty and that statement is the funniest thing I've heard a long time. He got mad for realsies and that ice. So this was a real ass dude, really bugged you. The stuff in my ass. God damn it, I love this. It's a real ass circle K employee He's the guy that will fight someone in a gas bump. Yeah, he's yo bro. You you prepay 20 you went 23

Number one memory is to have you like the Mickey Mouse cartoons and they would draw the football players And they were just boxy in the middle. Yeah, that's what Lewis is. He's just a boxy old football player. He's like, wow, that was fucking worthy too. There we go. You really went 15 rounds on that. She gave me a favor, not throwing on the floor. I can't pick it up. So you have to hold your breath to pick it up. But Kelly's like, I'm the oxygen tank. You have the oxygen tank. Go pick up to tell you she's. I'm almost tired. I'm not one. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, of that one. Oh, no You said I just ate 19 times to try to make you for today's came from doing a podcast What podcast were you doing this guy booked me like a month and a half? What's his name? I don't know his name really? No, I just got an address down. There's some comments. What's the name of the podcast?

Beer time you just show up with what was it was it hot wings and beer no No, it wasn't this guy like he's like hey, I'm real excited to have you show up and they use me like 17 rules and I show up. He's like what is the rules? Namarool don't be you but he's like be there 15 minutes early. Yeah, take a picture now apparently that you don't fall that route on the show But go ahead no, but you can't yeah, now the show that put you over but go ahead How many fucking listen is ten? I don't know You don't wait for my show you don't you followed his rules. He booked me two months ago I fucking booked you two years ago when you smelled like guacamole it was cilantro

And I did So what was another rule No black stuff really really really no seriously tell us the rule there's No, seriously, tell us the rules. There's only like three rules. Okay, here. Tell us the rules. Be here really. You want?

Get your picture for the show. And these are the topics we're going to discuss. Those are rules. Those are rules. Those are the podcast, dummy. I'm not good at this. The way it works. I'll tell you.

You know what? He actually ran a really tight ship. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's what corporate fucking climber fucking Dan. I'm not a climber. You're the new I'm not the rock don't say that Not the new to Rosa Wow you guys just assume that it's Joe DeRose Well, you said I was gonna say Yeah, don't wriggle. There's a climber everybody knows that

He was the original climber. Really? Yeah. That was cool. There was a lot of other rules, but he hears the thing. He doesn't want to trash this fucking guy on this show. Well, you don't give a shit because you're never going to be asked to be on the show. Because you're a real ass dude.

I am a real ass dude. How much I love having you. What? How we're starting of MMA radio Anyways, I really love how actually Jay is Hates the fact that fuck Jay. He really is he wears fucking fingerless gloves in a nose ring I'm a phony. I'm a god damn phony Don't forget the fight don't forget that he trims his eyebrows professionally. Yeah, fuck you Jay look beautiful Thank you. They look great.

They really, they look fake, but they look great. You know, they're fake. They look like a fake mustache over your eye. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. But Cuban mustaches. Yeah, you really do. You're like, you should be wearing an all white suit, sucker suit. It just got done today.

So they're a little fresh. They don't look normal in the face. I think I knew Jay right before he started doing that you know why it doesn't look normal because Jay's pubic here at eyebrow hair connect So wow this is oh Hey guys look at that double knot that thing wow Wow, thank god, do you do a box knot we save? I know a double knot. What do you can you do a fucking same joke, but worse? No, I looked do you what can you do a fucking same joke but worse? No, I looked the question can you that wasn't a joke it wasn't a joke

That was a statement. I don't get my mother's a question. My mother's in a joke a box not he said you just did his joke No, I didn't yeah, he did other types of knots. Oh really? That's the way it works. Don't take those shit loose You're real as dude let him have no Let him know Get you me and you against each other. You know about I won't let him do it. I'm doing We're doing this big show in Austin, Texas It's fucking huge. Yeah, what do you do? You're gonna flip have you been I did the moon tower last year Okay, it's what I was

Did you hear that okay? Well, he just said it's way better. Whoa, hey buddy. I don't know So who is is there gonna be able to do it next year? I love that he take probably not I mean, I'm not the worthy Probably not I mean, I'm not the worthy Fuck yourself. They didn't rebook me this year. They rebooked everyone else. I was there Gary gama's not coming back. He's gorgeous. He's not coming back He could they wanted them to he just did and they tried to get certain people dude I wasn't in the mix at the beginning. I wasn't it was Amy Schumer and Look at her. I think I was I think I was the only early lock

I think I was the only early lock. J called them. What are you doing to tap myself? Hey, is that that's why I'm in the chair? Can I come? I like bands. I look like I'm in a band. That's that chick, that chick, Rocky, who books, is that, what does she do? Not Coachella.

She does a boner. Boneroo. You every year. I'm like, hey, I've gone on tour with like a bunch of these bands, okay? I can, I like to do boners. She goes, yeah, and it's always like, it never happens that she goes, next year you are first on my list. I've never been there once still, yeah.

Next year, me and you, boner. I did boner-root, me, P. Corilley. There's 70,000 people, right? It's something like the K. 1997, it's S.D.P. So, we, the verb went on, the blood pressure, man. It was fucking sick, bro. And brown, dead.

So, walking around, I was one of my thins, by the way. The verb fucking got smacked, came out. Was that a fucking freshman? Got smacked. That's fucking got smacked. I had this fucking huge cup of energy drink, because it was one of the sponsors. I mean, it had to be like a foot.

And I'm more than an energy drink. It's just where I was. It explode your heart. So I'm older, had to be like a foot. And I'm more than an energy drink. It's just around. It's like, explode your heart. So I'm older, man. And I step off this foot and a half curb. And my knee, that I got fixed a year before, but the guy never fixed it. He fucked me the doctor.

I didn't know doctors. I thought all doctors were great. Which could a doctor Nick Rivera? Hey, hey, hey. There's no black stuff on this show. All right, no, don't do something. Dr. Nick Rivera. Hey, there's no black stuff on this show. All right, no, don't do something. It's Dr. Nick from NIC. I know, but you said Nick Rivera.

No, I said Nick. I know, but Nick. Nick, yeah. How much of that is that Boston blood pumping through Bobby's vein? What'd you say, fucking black people? How much is that fucking American blood that he's just smiling going there? Look at him, you fucking racist. Bobby's like, yeah, Bobby's like, you can be racist. So,. All right, you're those freckles. There's Boston freckles. Yeah, say it again

You want this? You could be racist inside Right around there. I promise you that someone's gonna fucking type in how pretty Around you have crowded around your wrist with your fucking, you stupid mittens. I would actually fit in with his style. I would. I like my microphone to be dressed up.

So I matched my mic. My mic's moving. No, the actual, the actual doctor that did it, he did some fucking show to surgery that they did on a knee. It never works so they stopped doing it, but he never stopped doing it. It's like a Puerto Rican auto garage. It was a fuck. I got the, it was the wrong doctor. He's fucking killed me. And I didn't have an ACL for a year, and I didn't even know it. Okay. I step

off this curb. Josh Speared. You know him? Yeah. He's a comic. He always wears crazy. He's hosting this big, it's like a tiny big J. Yeah, he's doing this crazy big show comedy show Bands and then two comics band two comics Thousands of people walking by he's got leather pants on fucking rock and roll down. He looks like a million bucks I step off this fucking thing my knee snap sideways because I have no ACL. I fall I throw a Galon Of this on to Josh Spears leather pants and shirt just I fall I throw a gallon of this on Josh Spears leather pants and shirt just but I'm so hurt that he really can't

get mad they get a call in Amelins and I'm and I'm like fucked what happened to the leather pants dude just soaked just soaked with energy drink just just I hope it ruins his pants and I went up on stage with Just soaked, just soaked with energy drink. Just tired. I hope it ruined his pants at night. Yeah. I went up on stage with no shoes on,

because my fucking, I just couldn't wear shoes. It just hurt so bad. I don't know why. I just, I would have one shoe on the shoe. You're like one of those guys that's weighing the Japanese culture. You did a comedy acoustic jam. Hey guys, let's some candles.

Just sit out. I'm gonna do a real piece of acoustic. Here's the thing is you're not getting... Funny there's a porcupine in the bed. You're not getting your money back. You're not getting your money back from me. That's my deal. If I'm there, I'm doing the show. You're whaling me up on stage, I'll do it lying down, I'll take the hit, I'm getting that fucking check.

I was doing a rubble the next day. So they put me on stage, put me on a thing with no shoes on And then they wheeled me off I went home and I was in a room of the next day It was fucking a little insight into how Bobby's mind works He was like I got Josh Spears wearing fucking leather pants leather vest. He looked like a million bucks That's a million bucks you at a fucking rock and roll concert dude He looked like I've always wanted to look I've always wanted to wear leather pants I just can't because I'm too boxy like you two you fucking fat flat so

Yeah, look at this fucking super mad. I remember a clown. That's gonna be my name Flats all the clown Look hilarious and leather pants So did I wear leather pants the next time I'm on the show? Please can I with you want to oil your legs? He would maybe pound out of like baby powder. He looked like the lead singer of heart now. That was good.

So, I can't even look like Nikki Six. Fuckin' down the stairs. Don't care if he can let me on fire. Louis has built like Ann Wilson. I was fuckin' hollery. Wow. It's your, this is the name of the person you just said.

Yeah, I know, but I said it, got the laugh, and then you reset it. You want to look cooler by not. Well, yeah, you knew too much. What is more specific funnier right after the joke? Always. Well, it's got a tagline. Box knot.

Bucks knot. Bucks knot. Bucks knot. Bucks knot, kid. Bucks knot. And Lewis gave his real ass dude arms up when he said it. Box knot. Bucks knot.

Real ass dude. Hey when he said it box not Are these show 100% They're badges only so we don't really know with people with badges show up. Oh, so we don't have to worry about It's so we don't that's a great thing to not have a lot of worry about salad dickance. What's the venue like it's stadium seating seats? Probably about two fifty three hundred Great dude, it's gonna be fuck it's not that indoor outdoor one is no no no that's stop you're thinking Is there a star? No, no, I just I did I did like a weird like a half indoor outdoor stadium see play it wasn't Stuff have you done as just fall you say like you've done it. Yeah, that's where I hosted for you Yeah, you know so for some as a sponsor how many seats? That's the place the same place That's the place I thought you said it was in a different venue

No, you guys gonna. Oh stop. Stop. Plum place. Ux you said it was in a whole not different place this year Yeah, yeah, a whole not different place You said a box not you don't have my dumb big head charm. I'll leave the audience into They were talking about having it in different places. You were pregnant. And you guys said we're gonna have it in a different place. It's not gonna be that same place. No, no, no, no, no.

Because that place was a shitty place. It's the same place, but the order of the way that the show is being run is completely different. What the fuck did this room show? It's a shitty place. Well, that's where South by comedy has their places. There's only two places that are... It's not a shitty place. I should say that.

No, the venue's fine. It was set up in the place. It was set up the layout and I should say no, it was just it was just set up. It was to set up the layout and the that we were on it five hours and it was a shitty place. Same crowd. Same crowd for four hours. It was just that. And that's all been remedied. That's been all the lighting. The crowd. Everything about it. We're doing a great job. We're doing the show. Okay, hang on. If you guys would have been there, be he's coming for you. We're gonna be used to shit like show, but okay, hang on. If you guys would have ever done BET's comic for you, we wouldn't have been used to shit like that. Oh, we get it, Jay.

You did BET's comic for you. Christ. 19 times. Christ. What is it? What is that? BET's comic for you? Yeah.

If you're a comic fan, you've never heard of the show BET's comic for you. Because I'm actually a successful one. Go ahead. The show you've never heard of comic for you. I've never heard of it. I have. I was just saying that just to stick it to you I'm fucking not so fat face.

But it didn't work because I know you've know what it is. Yeah, because you got serious. And anytime someone gets serious, I do. Yeah, that just, we got to be going to a bottle I can just smash. You know, but say it again.

So say it again. So me and Big J and actually Kelly, we're gonna, they presented us, Blue microphone is one of the sponsors again. Gotham is part of it as well. It's an official Southwest Showcase. Blue microphone. Got us a gift, Jay. Me and you. Yeah, gift for doing the show. Um, I really thought for a second you were going to say that Kelly was on the show. Yeah, you did mention.

It's about to fucking get a ball out. That's the guy we get Kelly on the show Kelly's doing South by Southwest you know what it's a fire like a fucking can we put her on? If you want to pay to fly her out there and put her in a hotel if she can stay at my hotel whoa I'll fuck her for this wife is about I think you just want to do the blues off Dan morning. No. Let's do a plea. Plant. Oh, everything.

Let's like. Stop trying to pity your way into spot. No, he's going to hang her way on the Southwest Southwest. Stop the thing. What's happening right now? Shut up. No, I'm not beginning something. You know what that? No, I won't be doing

something. I'll be working a club headlining. You have to be getting laughs. I gave you a I Gave you baby I did I Kelly open up our gifts from blue microphone who sponsored it last year and gave us incredible you got out to the yeti. I feel like the gifts are always right give that to Jay I sure it's for Jay. Wow Give that to me right now Jay. Give it Well, now let me see this this is from blue microphone. It's a spark Condenser microphone, which means I don't know what that means. I'll tell you what it means I'll tell you what it means. Jay's gonna sell that on eBay in two weeks.

Jay's gonna give it to me because we're gonna use it for our podcast. Well, you can actually use this for your podcast. That's what it means. It can dance your microphone. These microphones are using right now, the blues in here are actually have to talk into the different microphones. Right, a condenser picks up everything.

But the one good thing about these are really high end, these are very expensive. Wait, hang on real estate. The Lewis just said that you're wrong. He's wrong Bob. You have a Bobby by the way you know dynamic Mike real ass dude condenser might you have to be in No, sir. You these pick up everything you have backwards The phrase you're looking for yeah, Google it Yeah, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Gentle doctor Lewis knows these actually Microphone this is a Fucking wooden box Yeah, this is what I call Kelly's pussy

This is yeah amazing man, I didn't even know that Please get a box to cigars Boxes to go I have microfiber and some Cubans. This is incredible. Look at this microphone. Look at that shit. This is solid. You know it's good when they had a cut a tree down to put it in.

To fuck it back again. I'm worth it. I'm worth it. Wow. That's crazy. Dude, this is one of their best microphones. And it comes with, look at this, which is awesome. Pop screen.

So, you know, get the pops. You get a stand, which is amazing. get the pops you got a stand which is amazing You put it up on a stand you can put it up you can hook it up to anything this mic stand. Wait is that a What one of the fucking stands that oh my god look at this look at this Jay look at that microphone dude. This is solid out Solid out who is bored me I Loose board me We did it Bored stands over modulating Yeah, which will happen dance fucking expressing his fucking sadness through Oh, for modulating I don't get us I got a fucking Yeti J J how are the good of these pretty sweet is this fine?

I could plug that right in the computer and just do something from my house You can go like you're right into your computer do it right from your house is the USB mic It's I think it matters depends on the plug You can do both. Yeah, well, no USB mic plugs. I know what he was like the USB we get it USB mic plugs. I know what he was. I know what he was. I know what he was. He was a USB. We get it. Stop trying to fucking be smart. You only know medical stuff. All right. You know, I'm not. No, I'm not.

I'm not. Medical stuff and podcasting stuff. Well, first of all, condenser microphone. Boom. What is it? What do you got? Kelly? It's a really hard to understand. Give me the fucking thing. What of the American Wids? What a little gift for your Australian Wids. Jay, isn't that great? Yeah, I'm so hilarious how I just out. I got a card from my Nana. This is how it's going to be a $200 for it. I'll give you $100 for it.

No you won't. It's true what? Probably a $400 mic. Then you'd probably give me three for it. No, it wouldn't because I wouldn't buy it through an internet. I'm just going to give it a $200 mic. I'm just going to give it a $200 mic. I'm just going to give it a $200 mic.

I'm just going to give it a $200 mic. I it. I'll give you a hundred dollars for it. No you won't. Drew it! Huh? Probably a four hundred dollar mic. Then you'd probably give me three for it. No, it wouldn't because I wouldn't buy it three hundred dollar mic. Pussy. This is like really old-school boxing announcement. You've got to hold it right down.

Today in the right corner! It's my... It's my gift, but I just don't, you know, understand anything about it. I'll tell you this, Jay. It's a very high-end microphone that you can use to do your podcast, do any of your promotions or whatever you have to do from your computer. It's pretty amazing. It's a can answer microphone which actually does pick up the surrounding horse. Give me a fucking line. I was trying to think of a good word. surrounding The surrounding

I was surrounding where I'm telling you man connect or Mike's Right Spence is fucking taking is also always gonna agree with you Don't don't leave the fucking witness, bro You say very simple. This is what I don't like about fucking dumb Dan right when it comes to me not neutral when it comes to hot dogs and salad podcasts He's fucking neutral. Don't fuck yourself. So you know what I'll say this You're right Don't me to talk to Spranta is any partial nobody can understand what you say Hey Rob is he democrifying this again?

Can we get sprants on this? Yeah, we're getting it sprants on this just tell just ask sprants very simply shot up Lewis I got it. I got to know you're gonna ask them away. It's gonna make them say what you want on the set Yeah, I'm off. I'll come to the night court with oh My god, that's not like Kelly's voice Oh my god, that's not only Kelly's voice All right, here we go Rob sprants everybody You better pick up he's probably smoking dope in his theater that he made or is just eating dinner with his family He has a family No, he has a wife. He has dope. That's family. Now that's a wife.

She's cheating on him. Oh, we're Doug Benton. You are the one who has been forwarded to an automated dismother fuck nine, one, seven. Did it say that? No. I've done that before. Oh, I know. I was there. Who'd I do that to?

Um, not Conan, but I give a Justin Silver's number on our podcast once after we got the show. Did you, as you should? We did. Dogs, you wait, shut up. I think that. No one called us. Hey, I got all these phone calls from people

that don't listen to your podcast. Oh. Just leave the voice. But I want it down. You fucking somebody told you how to smile. So have we not solved this question? No, we haven't. Trying to rob.

You say if you can find the literature in there. Just nobody else. Killy, why would you go to Wikipedia, which is the most, just type in. Rob, here we go. Rob. Rob, you're on the air. You're on the air, Rob.

You're on the podcast, OK? OK. All right, you too loud. You too loud, Rob. I got you. It's not his fault. It's his fault because he fucking redid the sound in the studio. He probably is a good dancer.

Really, it's a really good thing. His condenser phone's picking up everything around. Rob. Okay, Rob, listen to me. We just got, we just got, can you, are you near a computer at all? Are you calling them to Google something? Yes, I don't tell me how to do it. I'm doing it my way. Just he knows the difference. Please go to blue microphone dock. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no We condenser and dynamic boom. All right, the different go ahead boom. Don't use my boom boom is me real. Let's do boom

Condenser microphone what is it? What is it you're gonna ask the difference to what just what is it? Is it condenser microphone to a dynamic microphone? What is the difference? The microphones we have in the studio right now, what are those? So the dynamic microphones, and the condenser microphones are much more sensitive. Boom!

Much more sensitive, what does that mean? Fuck, what do you think it means? Much more dumber? Are you talking technology with Coleman? Yeah, ah. What do I have to name my segment? Technology with Coleman? Eat things that condenser the way, that's the name of my segment. The knowledge of a go man. Eat things that condense your microphone.

I don't say what I think. God, you say what you think, then stupid, and put your finger down. It's bugging everybody. You fucking rumb now biting. Because I don't get spots fingernail. Which I cut in deep and you're super tight hoodie sleeves. Rob, which microphone do you have to be in very close to and which one can you be further away from

which one picks up everything and which one you have that's what i said it picks up everything which one picks up everything in the room and which one you have to actually talk right into the dynamic is the one you have to talk right into the convention the one that much more than what you say you say? I said he's got AIDS. That's besides the point. It's telling you the truth. We know AIDS can't know about technology.

Yeah. We urge you to act right. I'm sure AIDS patients know a lot about technology. Yeah. Perfect. I'm just asking. I'm just asking. They're on the cutting edge of it.

For a few years. If you don't think they're not googling a everyday to the week to go direction of microphone what's an omni-directional microphone that goes in multiple directions and i'm a directional microphone will pick up sound from both side uh... so we got so i guess so microphone is given some real hunk of shit

that one direction it actually the the the uh... Yeti microphone does four different things. It's a condenser, it's omnidirectional, it's what's the other one, Rob? Dynamic. Dynamic, and then it's one more. And the hard drive.

Yeah, so it does four things. So the Yeti's fucking unbelievable microphone. And they're coming out with a new one called the Nelly, which is Sm hot so they never have to a shitty rapper I liked it I liked it and now the and the one we got tonight Rob is the spark you you read about this right yeah there's a spark is a condense from my the head like a little a little circle on top of it yes that's a great microphone right

he's actually just very good microphone he was just jerking off to it that's spark microphone spark microphone drunk at bachelor at party uh... alright rob go back to smoking weed neat and fucking corn chips uh... i got a whole box of cocoa pebbles in my name on it ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh Bobie Bobie Bobie Bobie Bobie I don't think there's anything better than a fucking triple beep of fuck you Holy shit that really hurt that beep beep beep really fucking me because you were waiting for the perfect moment to do it to him

That's why that's that's what I was explaining What are you the re-explaner tonight? Anyways, calm the interpreter. I have me re-explaner. So, but next year, if this goes off, this nasty show, you might do it again. Are you going to switch it up every year? Well, it depends. It turns on.

We try to get shows around themes. I think themes actually work really well for shows, especially in the Southwest. So next year you have Lewis and Dan, and you call it, this is all we got. Exactly. And everybody does fucking the same 20. We're just fucking, give me a trip to Austin.

I'll do it. And honestly, we haven't even thought about it yet, just because we know we're still dealing with this one. I like Dan's little fucking corporate thing. Hey, I'll go in care if it's that great It's a rich history. Hey man. I just get me to Austin. I'll do fucking eight minutes of somebody else's stuff I don't give you shit. Oh, we'll do cover. We'll do cover spots. That'd be awesome You should do it. I'm actually thought about that. I don't know how much can be keep it in your thoughts see all right what's the answer I hope Dan puts his fucking small hands in that glove and knocks Lewis the fuck out I don't have small hands what do you think yeah

you do you get little thin fingers I have thin fingers with their small then I beg then I'm manly along those were our two fingers you do you have fucking scarecrow fingers. You're not gonna lose to those bands I can make your fingers with fucking five straws Just you got fat fingers doesn't mean you need a judge me Even you traveled on that. Yeah, you really triad out of that. Where is it? That's because you know what it was so bad. I don't want them having that big Where is it? That's because you know what? It was so bad.

I don't want him having that big. That's all that. I have the right. You deserve it any echo. You deserve that bandana for that. I like it. I like it on mine anyway. I feel like Aerosmith.

J.J does like it. He just wants all the photos that a bandana read. If J.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K. some, and we'd have to light Spoggle. Hey guys, it's up for parking. What's up with condenser mics? Quick. Oh shit. Uh huh. So anyways, it's gonna be a blast.

Thank you, blue microphone for. Thanks, man, that's really cool. Looking us up with these condenser microphones at J and I myself, you can use it like in here. But if I used it here, it would pick up everybody else. It would be a fucking nightmare. But I'll use it at my house to do my ads or do my promos and send them to Rob.

It's a great microphone or a podcast where you just shoot and lose. It would be great. Stick it right on the table and you can fucking do your, how do you do your leads into sk just skanks well now we do it live So it's a it's how to club. Oh you do it so it's worse Shit, oh there goes Dan fucking spills beer fucking drunk on the tables. Um Kelly will take care of that They're outside in the hallway. This is a barrel you guys check it out

I'm gonna be at the Wilba theater on March 15th. I got one show if you're from Boston and you don't come to the show You are a piece of shit right Dan right then fucking Right you fucking you don't support porous then spest yeah fucking shit head so you're down with the docks you fucking clock set I don't have dogs in Boston anymore they should because you guys are all dark workers March 15th take it still available go to the Wilbur Theatre dot com Robert Kelly live dot com to buy tickets right now don't think about it don't wait take. Take your chick. Take your friend. Take your fucking sister. You're the chick you bangin'

behind your wife's back. Whatever. Get them. Get the tickets. Order them now. We'll put it on March 15th. Boom. You guys use headphones a lot? Sure. I do all the time. Three times a week. I'll what's up. I ordered. From Tweet Daudio. Oh yeah, Twick Daudio. Oh, yeah Twick Daudio is one of our new sponsors of the show. It's pretty amazing company. I I've ordered a couple two You know, I go through headphones a lot look. I have $15 a head phones. I have $500 headphones. Oh, we get it I have It all started two years ago

It all started two years ago with an iPad. That one has had a phone. Some people are in headphones and they went dead. Two years ago, as an iPad in my apartment, I didn't know anybody would care. I'm back in Gopeh, I'm back in Austin. Look at me now. I hand out headphones like I said. Look at me now, dude.

Dude, I might need no brown, but with headphones, dude. So I hand it like turkey. I need no brown but with headphones dead. All right, so I had like, I think it's like, I need a break. I need a break. That was a great one. That was a great one. You know, brown reference, Jesus Christ.

I'm watching New JX City. So tweakedaudio.com, New sponsor of the show. You go there right now. They have seven different styles, seven different colors, mic, non-mike. They're great, cheap headphones, and durable too. They're not just shitty fucking heavy, they're gonna fall apart after the first time you use them.

They're durable, they're good headphones, but they're cheap. I bought a couple pairs because I like walking around the city. I don't wanna get fucking mugged, and I don't lose them. I like walking around the city. I don't want to get fucking mugged. And I don't lose them. I leave them in cabs. I leave them on fucking airplanes. And it sucks. You leave $100 a pair of fucking ditty somewhere.

It's just a fucking annoying. I ordered four pairs last week. Really? Did you? You get to get them away? Or just for you? No, it's for me. Because I lose them all the time. Yeah, I lose them all the time.

That's not me three pair. I'm not lying about that. That's great. That's what I got. I got a great pair on the mail yesterday. That's awesome. I'm not even exaggerating. That's great. That's what I got. I got to prepare in the mail yesterday. That's awesome. I'm not even exaggerating. Okay, that's great. Good for you. You didn't say a hundred. Yeah, yeah, you're not. And they're only we we can get them fucking 10 dollars with my ads to

literally honestly, I'm thinking about giving away James to get more. All right, so listen, you go to twink.io.com and use the promo code do D you D.E. and get 30 30% off the state of the art headphones How can I wait? Hey, you're listening to the like you know what dude podcast if you want to the art headphones Okay, so here we go. We're compatible with I pass shut that down I phones. No, I let it go. I just

Here we go. We're compatible with I pass shut that down. I phones. No, I let it go. I just Android device MP3 players MP3 players. Yeah, like people have those if you have a pager you can plug into a page I put my zoom into it All right, so go to tweak audio.com. It used to promo code dude and get 33% off. That's a lot That's more than ten percent Off that's a lot that's more than 10% That's More than you know what's more than 10 30 that's dude the 14 oh's D Really lay on that you

Help yourself help the podcast and go to tweakedaudio.com and get yourself a bunch, do a bunch. Don't just get one, it's only fucking like $15 when all said and done. And it's free shipping to your house, free shipping, limited time warranty, and DUDE code. Yeah, Lewis, there's a real ass dude. Would you say that's a real ass, would you say that's a real ass discount? That's a real ass discount. I'm not gonna lie I mean real ass saving. Did they not send you free headphones really?

You don't even want to know what Bobby got But I got 22% of the company Can you stop stomping that you put a recon parade? You stop stopping that you put a recon parade Tell me when size and up Lewis I was sure you're whole pants Yeah, we were talking about an animal. I came in and I fucking M&M that should I told them right away What are you doing you fucking clutsy thin finger to ask? What are you doing you fucking clutsy thin finger to ask? Try to dance up in your Try to reach for something really

Dan does have Thingers, what would you stick your five fingers in the beer hole? Wow, I think that's gonna have a Nothing on that one Jay wants that, but he's got to give it away. That was so bad Wow I thought you were quitting drinking I am where's the beer? Right here. You're not going to open that in your pants, right?

That's going to explode. No, it's not. You sure? You're fine. You're doing it. I told you, we're last dude, Dan Funtz and you'll open it. Nobody's going to do it. Nobody's going to let you.

Nobody's going to let you. First off, nothing about Dan Soder says real last dude. You're boxing glove, don't you? You know about Dan Soder, it's a real paycheck ass dude. Can I tell you something, Dan? I have a picture of him when he first started this show and his hair was so foul. That's why I grew it long. Oh God, he looked like a Dutch woman from the 1600s.

That was the best. Yeah, you fucking hair was atrocious. You got me, Bobby. And the only reason why I love it all Bobby I was I saw the photo that you had the way of girls over your ears. Yeah, oh my god I you know, I thought I wanted to do is get like like a cheek like but Jay's got a good long hair We heard it the first. Yeah, we got it the first thing. You know what?

Just cuz you tried three times take this back you hostage hostage I tried growing it and then I realized that I have a tooth thicker hair what is that I don't know to think a hair no there's nothing it was all is that a fucking new rap group to think I didn't tie this yet so let me lay it upon your microphone. So we're going out there. We're gonna have a good time for this. And I'm very excited to do these two shows. Yep. I wish we were there for any of the music.

Well, gonna be here, there is a Monday night dude was a big party we're going to. Taco Bell's putting it on. It's, remember we went last year. Dan, you okay? Dan's having a meeting. Here's what's going on. Taco Bell's has a few people. we went last year Let's go to Taco Bells has a Remember the other band we saw Gary was with why we were from the Taco Bell comment how excited Bobby got

A double crunching a free double crunches Here's what I'll explain they have a program called feed-to-beat which they find new artists So're they all week long They're sponsoring a high-potel and they're actually rolling out their new Doritos Locos taco the cool-rans version of it that entire week So those will be free during the week how excited a couple of nights There's a show saw Monday night which will which we have that will take you out to as well That night it's actually a documentary for this band called passion and that one sponsored by Who's on that? That night it's actually a documentary for this band called Passion Pins. And that one sponsored by Brother King's new fire. They're shooting a fan-gated documentary based on the whole thing.

Dude, we get badges. We get to go wherever the fuck we want. Take care of you, we don't go. But there's not much music going on. There is. There's a lot of music going on. We're gonna, that Monday night when we show up, it's gonna be fucking crazy. Me and Gumball went last year.

I thought it was me and Dan. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. Dude, it was fucking nuts. It was right next to the stage We got to go wherever the fuck we wanted plus you meet all these corporate big wigs Which is Google what? How am I not where I've never seen Dan's eyes let up so much yeah, we introduced like pants

What's up with the corporate big word? We introduced you to guys from Google some guy from Taco Bell or the state says he says that like he's joking but you know I can buy a new shirt to do that I listen he would show up with a fucking NASCAR thing I'm not gonna lie I think I'm still my show up you sure guys I'm a genius comrade we're gonna Doritos hand a Google T-shirt like I was like

you can stay in my bedroom and Bobby could have Fistuka what? I mean that one yeah I'd rather have Dan but yeah there's just a good one on a little You can stay in my bedroom and Bobby could have Fistuka I'd rather have Dan We're gonna have a good time. We're gonna do a podcast from live. We're figuring out where we're gonna do it Remember what we did that. Yeah, we did a podcast last year. We're gonna do another one probably now. We'll have them perfected Hey, bro Hold hands of me Now we now we'll have it perfected. Hey bro, you're cutting deep. Hold hands of me. Oh, that's a gay hand old right there.

So me, me and Mark Norman, I'm gonna do a podcast. Oh, good luck with that. I'm no CEO, Pat. Why the hell are you talking to him? You keep fucking saying crazy shit about him. You're the one who told me to put him on the show. Yeah, because I love him. He's one of my very good friends.

But he's just so sure. But he probably has a box and it pulls in his apartment Why but you said he's not a dirty creep, but it sounds like he's a fucking piece of shit than what we want nice Like American psycho. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, I love you love no man. Is he I'll stop showing up cuz he'll replace me I don't know him really now. He's he's fucking hilarious. He's hilarious. Yeah, he's dirty I love them on the show We don't mean he told me he hates Dan really yeah, it's a few people Lewis has nothing to say he really says nothing really has to do you guys fucking spill it here's it

Well, I was doing it Lewis pushed the microwave We made him keep fucking did I tell you how fun it is to travel on public transportation with Lewis Like the bus he just doesn't give a shit. What do you mean? We did levity live like a month I tell you how fun it is to travel on public transportation with Lewis. Like the bus? He just doesn't give a shit. What do you mean? We did levity live like a month ago and he's just fucking... What did you take?

A bus or a train? You took the A train up to the George Washington bridge. Uh huh. It goes that far. It's a shuttle across the bridge. No, but then we took the shuttle across the bridge then. I just said, Lewis' real ass friend. At the foot of the bridge.

At the foot of the bridge. At the foot of the bridge. It is a shuttle at the bridge. It takes across the bridge. I just said Lewis's real ass friend. At the foot of the bridge. At the foot of the bridge. It is a shuttle at the bridge. It's across the bridge. You have to go to the foot of the bridge. Yeah, unlike when I opened for you, where we just rode. I went to the mall. Yeah, got some food. These kicks.

Yeah. Boom. And the watch. Yeah, and remember you bought those. Out this watch that I have under my drinking glove. Yeah, those are fun times. That mall is Dan's biggest day ever. Oh, that's what Bobby does. That mall is Dan's biggest day ever.

Ah, that's what Bobby does. That's what we did in Arizona. Bobby takes a young comic to the mall, buys him a few things, and then he makes me dance for him. Bobby makes, Bobby goes, if I pay for it, will you get on the fucking bowl, the mechanical bowl? I was so afraid to get on, dude.

I got on, and he watched me like a fat girl shaking out of her bra Less than three seconds and he was answering to me saying go on again. I'll do it again. I'll pay for It's like a comedian's version of pimps up hose down Did you send me a to make an only look at the back of his shoes if I if I could describe his hair cut He would smack me in the mouth I really I really He's gonna reach me a belt he bought me a lot of weird I took care I took care of you

That's great when you first came to the city I took care of you I took care of Joe D'Rosa I took care of you I've taken care of this fucking piece of shit and I've never done shit for a little I asked Lewis to move me one day Don't you hear that story? Am I story of what I went through I say Bobby Kelly kept me alive financially for probably two three years well Bobby Put me on as the rap game would say yeah, well technology increased and now you get played better opportunities and Opening as some shit hole in tempi Arizona

Got me a bunch of Twitter Which you would have known what that was back then. Yeah, I cooked you up with all my contacts that got me all love you I did I got a minute of the seller. I've done I've done a lot of shit for soda everybody loves It was it was easier. It was easier for soda though than it was for you. Because I'm gorgeous. Yeah, soda. Everybody loves soda. Yeah, that should be his show. Everybody loves soda. Yeah, yeah, fucking three people like Jay. That was, but remember the gig we did with the college where we had to they had no lights and they had just a ceiling light that shot straight down on the front of the stage and when you did your punch line, you had to stick your face in the light so they could see it.

Yeah, you can tell your jogging and then stick your face in the light and look around. Look at that, that's how that went. We did some shitty shows together. Oh, yeah, absolutely. We did it though. We did it. I remember a year, yeah, absolutely. We did a fuckin'... I remember a year. A lunchroom tour of colleges.

With the spinning pie wheel. And the fuck, remember that? It was a spinning pie wheel in the cafeteria. And we had a... We figured we'd put you in front of this. And people walked over and looked at pie while we were doing our sets. And that was...

Those colleges won me you. I think we told us on the podcast. Yeah, we did. With Joe De And that was, and that was, those colleges won me you. I think we told us on the podcast. Yeah, we did it with Joe DeRose. Oh, yeah, that was great. We, uh, so we're going to be doing that. We're going to be doing this is the thing though. It's a long-sat. It's a long-sat advertisement for the show ever.

This taco bell thing we're doing, I today. Love Taco Bell. I did. I made a commitment to myself for three weeks. I'm not going to have sugars or carbs. What? Did you get a little... Did you get a nut down there a little bit?

What's that? No, I'm just, I'm done. I'm having a kid. I got a, I got a, I'm the fatdest I've ever been. And I'm, I gotta, I gotta do what I did with smoking. Where it's like, I gotta sacrifice. I gotta go through three weeks of pain of, of, it's probably gonna be easy after the first week or week and a half,

and we'll get better. I gotta go through this awfulness. I have to do it. It's gonna suck. I know it's gonna suck. It's gonna hurt. Today eating what I ate, I juiced, I had a breakfast, and then I had a juiced.

It's just, I wish I could. I really do. I do it in a second. Why? I can't, I can't do it. Because I'm an addict, I'm a in a second I can't I can't I can't because I'm a I'm an addict I'm a drug. I can't Get those weird biceps I But here's the thing is I'm an addict and I don't want to do something. I don't want to I don't want to take vikin in

Unless I have to have I get in steroids great. Yeah I don't want to take vikin in unless I have to have I get in steroids great. Yeah, I don't Yeah, are you doing steroids steroids? I Posed a boy for steroids. No, I'm saying are you doing steroids to lose weight? No, I did it before when I was younger Me too. I mean, I mean the weight loss The energy. Yeah, I'm not good. I got it. This is the problem. This is why that doesn't work for me Because I'm a dosage. Here's a thing. I'm not good at the end. This is the problem. This is why that doesn't work for me. Because I'm a...

A little bit of dosage. Here's the thing, I'm an addict. Sure. I've been fat since sixth grade on and off. It's not about working out. I'll work out. I'll fucking get shredded. That's not the problem.

It's the why I'm eating and how I'm eating. I get lonely and sad and depressed and I eat to reward myself or punish myself. After when I get fucked up, I disconnect from my life. If I'm busy and everything's going on, like myself or punish myself. After, when I get fucked up, I disconnect from my life. If I'm busy and everything's going on, like last week, I had six auditions, I was working my ass off, we did two shows, I had all these shows coming up, I was promoting.

You brought them up for me. Everything happened and then all of a sudden, it was over. Everything was done, I had nothing to do on Thursday, and I literally got depressed. I disconnected, because I had no responsibility. So I just shut down, and then I started eating, and I was like, fuck it, and I just ate,

and then all weekend I just ate like shit. I couldn't stop, it's like drugs to me. It's fucked up, I'm on the road alone. I'm going back, the only thing that's open is, because I didn't eat, it was a Popeye's chicken. I just went and got it. I'm gonna fucking die. Not now, I have, I went to the doctors.

I'm not, I don't have a heart problem. I'm not fucked up. My cholesterol's a little high. My blood pressure a little high. Me either, that was the problem. That was the problem too. I never really had much. I got an addiction problem.

I do steroids, I'm fucked. I'll go, I'll go nuts with it. God, it'd be great to see you all juiced up. One CC a week, but not only, but Bobby, I'm fucking. I'll go I'll go nuts with it. God it'd be great to see you all juice stuff one CC a week but not only but Bobby I'm one That's what I did one drink after dinner. Oh absolutely. But I literally did that's what I did one CC a week for a couple months Yeah, I'm not doing it actually did whatever I was taking calls the actual physical problem for me I had to go to the doctor and I stopped I'm not fine I did whole precursors. I got fucking jacked in high school. Yeah, I did precursors and I went from What is that? What is that?

Debals like Debals are yeah, Diana balls like you can do like a small I like precursor better Equal boys steroids shoot I took the pills. Okay, what didn't you do shoot? Now I actually, shot, because of a real ass do. Right, you're full of shit. I shot. Hey, but why don't you all just shut your faces. I actually, as far as your addiction goes,

you're sad eating to be a second party of that is so much goddamn fun. What do you mean? Oh, to be with me when we eat. It's tasty. Let me tell you something. Oh, you know what, fucking diet on this trip, I'm working out my ass off this week.

Well, look, I go to barbecue. We can go have some meat. I'm just not eating. This is what I'm not doing. Carbs and sugars. That's it. I'm not having corn bread. I'm not having rice.

I'm not having potatoes. So put all the meat down there and cover it with barbecue sauce. Yeah, but I even get it without barbecue sauce. Why would potatoes. Put all the meat down there, it's covered with barbecue sauce. Yeah, but you can get it without barbecue sauce. Why, who would you get it without barbecue sauce? Here's a deal, dude. You're gonna stop before? Yes, of course.

Stop's ironworks. Ironworks, stops, absolutely. We're gonna ironworks. We'll go, we'll get some good food. I'm still gonna fucking eat, but I'm just not fucking around with carbs. Three weeks, that's it. I'm done.

Are they gonna really get a Ruby Tuesdays down there? Bob, why don't you just do like no carbs? Well, this is what I was doing when I was in the best shape of my life. No carbs except one day, one cheat day. Yeah, I can't do it because I know myself. And this is the thing about losing weight. I've done it since I was in sixth grade. Everybody does it different.

You lose weight differently than him and him and her. I've never had to. You know, had to. But I will soon. In your head. So do you. So do you. So does it.

So does it. So does it. So does it. So does it. So does it. So does it. So does it. So does it.

So does it. So does it. So does it. So does it. So does it. So does it. So does it. So does it.. Keep drinking. So you are gonna be a tub of shit. You might not be fat and laughing. Probably dead.

You will be a nice fucking gutter with a beer in your hand too far. Wow. Net, sweet, net, sweet. So that's what I'm doing. It's gonna be a fucking nightmare. And so that night I can't have Taco Bell. But I've already told him.

Who re-hits fucking Dorito tacos right you don't think I'm losing my mind with cool I know that sounds horrible to me I really I've already had them there better than the original first one I'll tell you that the talk about I love talk about it's not made out of Dorito material it's like the flavoring on a taco shell which is not as good yeah the cool the cool ranch is coming from a Mexican and they actually had a limited Gaping thing in New York. They had him gave mountain the cool Ranch ones. I think are better. Yeah, I love Taco Bell I know you do I just don't like that never been one of the my fondest memories of you as a fat I remember this and we're in the top easy home drive North Carolina. Jesus Christ what a drive with a strip club for some on reason

Crazy long drive North Carolina Jesus Christ what a drive with a strip club for some on reason This clock soccer we stop at Taco Bell and fat fuck gets a salad which bugged me I got like the Met like terrible for Yeah, the taco salad and it's the fucking three in the morning. We got a drive all night I'm fucking like this sucks. He's next to me me he's gonna stupid smelly taco salad it just stinks I'm fucking circle around me forgot to do our creed we drive away we drive away he goes dude it didn't put my sauerkraime I'm like you know me back that out you think I'm fucking evil now back then I was just a cock sucker I was like you

fuck you you fucking fat fuck why are you fat fucking fucking fat fucking fucking fat fucking fucking fat fucking fucking fat fucking fucking fat fucking fucking fat fucking fucking fat fucking fucking fat fucking fat fucking fat fucking fat fucking fat fucking fat fucking fat fucking fat fucking fat fucking fat fucking

fat fucking double double double double double double double double double double double double double double double double double

double double double double double double double double double double double double double double Fucking scissors to open it. Yeah him trying to open up sour cream in a car doing 80 Whoever the college guy was like fortly talks to us some shit strip club we went into yeah, I remember that And then we would drive home. I go don't you fall asleep you cock sucka those are the rules

No sleep unless you ask you pass that on to him. Yeah, Lewis and I, open for him in North Carolina about three years ago. He wouldn't let me sleep. It's the rules, man. You're on the roll together. He needs you to stay up, unless you need to, then you go do. Can I sleep for an hour? And this cock sucker was in the back seat.

Lewis was in the back seat. He was in like a really stupid. And as a guy who used to smoke, I hope you still have appreciation for your emotions when you used to be a smoker. The, the, the, like, you know, I'm trying to stay awake and do this drive and I, you still have appreciation for your emotions when you used to be a smoker The the you know, I'm trying to stay awake and do this drive and I you know, I cracked the window to smoke cigarettes I was just cold, man. You close that time out. That's not true That we're you're talking about Montreal. No, no Thank you. He's talking about North Carolina. Go ahead. Still football season. So it's cold. It's fucking freezing

He was done with this thing I say something I agree I'm with you because I caught the flu when I took him to the casino in Connecticut I had the flu okay, yeah And I caught because I there's two fat chicks that did it three some with me and one of them was sick To cut the flu to true at that at that to fat is that. Too fatties, too fatties with wet pussies, right? I get the cell at the end. I get the, I get, I was awful, but it was fucking beautiful because they would just into it.

There was no trying to, they would just grab my dick and then when it started to fuck up. They were fattin' up, where did they stop caring about what they looked like naked? They weren't obese, they were fatty little chunkies. You know, like college girls. Like, they were from a college No, fat in her not

He we're in the college driving home. I'm like dude. I'm sick. I got the shivers. I'm hot cold He smoked I'm like dude. I got the flu. I'm dying in the back Him and his girl are up front smoking up every eight minutes. They got the window down I'm dying in the back. I go do you mind? It's so cold. I'm not even like, I'm not even like, fuck you. I'm so sick, I'm like, can you please, roll the window up, Jay. That's all they do, it's fucking February.

I'm fucking, maybe it's a different trip. I had a cold from fucking to Facker, I was. I never called, I was wearing a little, I was dumb. I wore the wrong jacket, I'm gonna go to Montreal. Because you can't afford a regular jacket. I was wearing a windbreaker, and he fucking had the window open. Not when he was smoking, when wore the wrong jacket, I'm gonna go to Montreal. Because you can't afford a regular jacket. I was wearing a windbreaker, and he fucking had the window open. Not when he was smoking, when he was done smoking, he didn't even open.

Yeah, air it out. Air out the car, yeah. Yeah, air out the car. I was literally dying in the back seat. I was shivering like a fucking dying. Well, it didn't work. But absolutely, you're in a road gig with somebody. You gotta stay up you can't

fucking go to sleep yeah this motherfucker stayed in the back seat that's why he's where he's at I'm doing it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. A real ass dude would say it then do it. Yeah. I realized dude wouldn't even fucking say it. I'll just smash it over his head. Yeah, exactly Look at Dan Dan actually flinched Dan is a tough guy gives a shit Well, we don't do that here man. We joking. We don't fight Tronway you savage. This isn't the ham of fisting

We guys fight it out. A front of your foot. Look, Russell in front of my baby. Yeah. It's two of every points to it. They're missing the toughest person. Whoever wins gets some of my own boss. We're doing a godfather heavyweight fight. You get mother's milk, whoever wins gets my son's mother's breast milk.

I love Brass well Jesus Christ Alright, I said nothing like that by the way I just do cheers nutrients in your boobs So I have to watch out while I'm there. I'm on a fucking mission. I got you buddy. From God. No from fucking Fatsos. I got you buddy. From God. No from fucking Fatsos I just I just done Dude I you know what happened we only got two days, but I'm gonna we're gonna eat some fun food Bob Where you back? I'm going hard. What do you mean? What do you come back from South by Southwest?

I I want to go right to Boston cuz I'm doing the will buy yeah, yeah kid So are you a fucking picture up on the fucking screen? Walking through the royale The accent why'd you give up on the accent? Fuck you. It's fucking walking to the royale. So are you a fucking picture up on the big screen kid? They were there was like why you give it up on the accent? What was that? Five seconds. What's the what's the what were you doing at the royale? Taking my half Irish special. Oh, that's what I wanted to talk about.

Danny. I was very excited and happy for you, man. Dan St. Germain's half hour special. Unbelievable. Crazy. I heard you, bomb, but yeah, I heard you fucking annihilated. It will. Did you make it hard for the Rose of the Folly? I heard you. Yeah. I got, whoa. There's the best thing. You better do it.

You better do it. You better do it. You better do it. You better than Derosa. Derosa did unbelieving. Answer the question, Dan. But you know what's the best part is, you know, I'm corporate Dan, but I also have no confidence.

Yeah. So I got off stage and I was like, why, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how that went. And Derosa just goes, shut up stupid. I'm sitting back. I don't know how that went and Deroza just goes shut up stupid I'm sitting back here texting Keith about how you're murdering and then Deroza went out like Can I say something? I think the impression of Deroza is just an impression of everybody he's hung out with the best Shut up stupid. I'm stupid. Dad

Joe's the the board Yeah, yeah, Joe's the the Borg. Yeah It is similar to collective everybody. I am Joe Derosa Seventy-three. I live in a cube. I will I will take your more famous friends You're an idiot Stop it. Joe. You said to me again. I like that. I like that Okay, I'm gonna go look at a me no one gives a shit about any haggs. Nobody goes to me or goes stop it Stop stop it stop it stop it stop it. I got it. I got it. I'm stage. He's like stop it. Stop it You stink Joe's Joe's Jonathan winters

I love Jonathan winters. I guess Corporate man. No, I love Jonathan winters. He's one of my favorite. Is he? Yeah, also a Guinness man Speaking of which if you find yourself out on the road I got getting Budweiser. Gee don't do that dude. Well, why? Dude's gonna air after I'm done. It's wrong. You know,'m gonna air this on. I'm gonna call them to listen to this. Do it! They can't fire me. Dude, they're gonna hire you again. Fuck that shit! Someone put a red wings jersey on me.

I'm gonna spit at people. That's a two-buck reference. I love a day I get drunk on the show. I love a day I get drunk on the show. I love a day I get drunk on the show. Anyhoo. So, DeRosa bombed after you. Anyway, go. So, but those shows...

It is dick. No. He's fucking shit. You think DeRosa and Doug Benson suck, which ones worse? So there was a bomb after you anyway, so so but those shows dick no Rosa and thundbenson suck which ones worse I think they both I Fuck read you find a steam Hey, everybody Stop being stupid god dammit big J. We started in Philadelphia together Stop being stupid goddamn it big J. We started and fell down for you together We just started to go together. He started 46 years before

Yeah, he's telling when they was zoots suits Here's the potato conch his hair before he came into the sets Kids first credit was a black and white silent film not with this Negro hair I can't go on I got a mad at you all all play it's burning but it comes burning Keith is actually clean when he first did comedy I have a I have a videotape somewhere in the world of Keith performance him and Joe Matt areesa can the county college fucking. Oh, fucking crazy. Mattoreesa, Mattoreesa has the bowl cut. Wow. And Keith's wearing a cup.

We had pants in a Bolo tie. Before you get into Keith's Bolo tie story, I'm sick of you doing your leaning your wrist on the mic like you're taking a break after a foul. You guys get it? Well, listen, that was the love of my life. I wish we were one of the acoustic guitars my other arm is hey Cleveland that's my larry guys, you know, I've been sick Love sick. Let me change my sneakers every time I come back here. It's not gonna never left

Guys, what are we gonna do go down to Jones Avenue? All right, so listen listen Listen You went out you did your show now those crowds are always for unbelievable unfaith they really get their work or i'll tell you though they're i've seen people bomb there were a couple and our specials there's a couple boss and animals that i had no idea what do you mean what do you mean by that people are kicked out during my special

really why and i had no idea why until i was done taping their big smoke points they were smoking i was I went to go smoke a cigarette okay and I'm outside and it's like like these three black dudes these two white guys and the white guy goes the white guy goes fuck this shit I fucking have green with your fucking points and they fucking kick me out and they go they're not points their jokes. He is fuck you Yeah, you might not want to fucking make a stance. Yeah, I don't know Fuck Boston. Yeah, crazy. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I'll punch that guy in his fucking mouth. No, you would know you would There you would know you won't not the guy that I saw know you would

I was fucking little hunting's whole posse by myself. I'd fight that dude they wait. They wait 185 each of them Hey, my man. That's what this guy was a fucking monster. How big was he? Probably good 235 look at I'm 251 pounds right now. Yeah That's all hip You have baby weight on you and you're the man dude you have 51 of all pant me. Yeah Yeah, you know hip-south like well-bow But they broke down your scale You lost your own confidence but entire here's a deal you you you enjoy on the same show

Which is fucking that's weird that that happened not know While they put it together and not only that Ton of YKWD fans that were so supportive right that's great so awesome and they were like after the show They're out front of the theater. They're like holy shit. This was awesome. Oh Joe did unbelievable. Who did better? I knew there was an explanation why you can't The fans to write in YKWD at Ryakass.com I don't I mean I don't know what the fans to write in why can't we do it right cast.com Your real thoughts about the special Just let's try to make Bobby But I started opening for for Joe for everybody for Jay and then everybody I started opening for you after Joe

recommended me, so it was just it was awesome to be next Joe Derosa He did the same exact climb this son of a bitch The next Joe Derosa he did the same exact climb this son of a bitch. Yeah Ever seen monkeys work. There's always a time here monkey. I'm the American I'm the American Legion baseball coach that Bobby's fucking triple a I saw him play and American Legion New Mexico But all right, but you you went out you went out first. There was no Joe This is second. This is the second one. Yeah, he's done two Yeah, I didn't know you could do that. He's got an hour

I'm the editor do I think I call it a day put it together He's just wearing different clothes Barely barely it's gonna be a mashup So you by me you can do it you can do two half hours. I don't know. It's my first. Yeah, boss. Yeah, boss the two half hours. He had to. So the first one's the first one's half hour by this KFC story. The second one's by this different time he went to KFC story. Well, here's a lot. He Gathering on the JoJo story. He like he murdered. Who? Dorosa. He murdered. Yeah. Okay, great. to the point that it was almost shut the fridge you dickhead

You're gonna make the beer back in bed get it. Yeah, stop fucking Dead can you give me a Gatorade, please Relax I was testing everybody here Just making sure you guys are all on board. Bob, me and you are going to be laughing about this no sugar comment, what we're just shh, like just something down. Just doing a warning to your sugar bag.

A brownie. A brownie. I'm going to flip in the sugar bag. I'm going, Dad, you want to do one or two? I'm going to drop it up. We're looking pixie dishes. We're looking pixie sticks on each other's dicks. And please take that. Hey, listen, it's not sugar what kills me. I can get it's the carbs. We're like a pixie stick so I'll be sure to do this

Hey listen, I it's not sugar what kills me. I can get it's the carbs. It's rice potato Five minutes ago with sugar and card I'm giving up both but I'm I'm worse with carbs do sugar and sugar carbs. We're talking about car break down the sugar I'll okay fucking Stray go listen to sperms hit your cell you like and then had at the point fucking Dumb babies are made when boners are made Can't have baby without boner Everyone knows that that's a very baby inducing bone listen So you go out

Yeah, who sees these a bon boner did you fuck up any Joe my house hour special? I fucked up I fucked up some jokes. I didn't go back out when I did the Mike these Stefano One with the Norton the The the addicts I think it was called Yeah, the never picked up whatever whatever there was. It was me, Voss, Norton, and Mike D'Stifano, which was, I'm so glad I did it. It was an amazing show. Almost a hundred years of sobriety between us.

And it was a lot of soap and people. But I fucked up a joke. And I went in the back, and I went fuck this. Cause I saw Russ Maniv do it. He went out and redid a joke. He goes, I don't care. I want this to be right for TV, bear with it, fuck faces. Yeah, Nate did that.

I went out, I read the joke, and I told him, I go, just laugh, whatever. And they laughed at the word, the, which annoyed me, because I went, the, and they went, ha, and I was like, not now, stupid, wait for the joke. You know what I mean? But I read the joke, and it worked, because it would have sucked.

If I had to watch that. Nate did that on live at Gotham. Oh, he fucked up, he fucked to watch that. They did that on live at Gotham. Oh, he fucked up, he fucked up a joke. You can't on live at Gotham, it's live. No, no, no, no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Not Gotham comedy live. All right, go ahead. Which I put my tape in for, see, Miss Ellie call me.

I'll be taping a March 28th. Are you doing that? I did it, it's a great, me and Jay did it. You gotta fucking love it. And it's fucking live. I saw you guys the sets. Yeah, great. It was funny. Collease Hawkins told me that When she went there, I guess nobody's ever said the words. You know, it's funny. Collease Hawkins and two two weeks into our game. She said they were like

The producers there referencing me For like what they want people to kind of do not for like This is all about you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, They're referencing about you. They want you to do what? Then I went so dirty. Yeah. Because the Gotham guys didn't want me to go out dirty. They were fine with that. But the guys from access wanted to give me. They do want that dirty. They want it. There's a miscommunication there happening. They're telling everybody they don't have to be like,

they're like, you know, you could be dirty, but not like they went over the top. You can curse, but they don't want you to be like overtly, whatever. Right. But now they're saying like, no, they kind of, it is uncensored, so they want you to kind of take advantage of that.

But the, the medillac kill you do not like it filthy He killed it. Well, I was up to show that you hosted him. He performed it He killed he killed it. He did it. He did it great I use it as my own credit because his last show was about me Anyhow if it was I just don't I don't like I just don't like that I wasn't referenced by him Matt or him in the fuck You're there you announced me, and then you host me to awesome.

I sat in the crowd and drank coke, what did I do? You said he did good. Jay did good. You did it wrong. Oh, first of all, you said I killed. You killed Jay. Jay killed. And you're a hammer, you always kill.

Oh, the hammer. Hammer! Fucking hammer. So anyways, fuck all this, listen. Jake killed right and you're hammer you always kill all the hey hammer i'm not so i thought all this listen so you did you killed it and we're nervous at all uh... yeah it was it was it was great nerve-wracking it was crazy did you i mean like that it was weird is like my my dick didn't get hard for like

three days what do you mean because it's like in battle mode he was telling i was so nervous I was so nervous. I was so nervous. It was just like short and stuck literally in the shower before I taped. I was like, this is, I was super nervous.

And it went unbelievable. It was, it was. Well good, I'm glad you had a good time. I'm glad you killed it. I'm glad you and DeRosa both killed it out in bean town and now we'll get to see your half hours. Do you know when they're coming out? I think June or July awesome awesome awesome Make some nice dead dad references and the promos we taped you did a dead dad reference Like everyone's like doing like cutesy promos what it Derozo dude never found dad references

Still out there reference searching for mist searching for Papa Joe searching for Mr. Mushi looking for the Y chromosome looking for daddy Warden looking for Mr. Media yogurt this will come out tomorrow go ahead that your bottom dollar that's less you know what your dad is. Just come on, go. I'm gonna lip just touch the mic. That's not my fault. You love it.

Did we spray those every show? Can I keep these comic books? No, not all of them. Can I keep some of them? Of course you can. Happy birthday. Thank you, buddy. Nice pile of them.

Are you done? Are you done with your story? There was no story. What was the story? You said you had dead dad references. Oh, primate. I would do it. Fucking alcoholic. Oh, I'm a... I would do it fucking alcoholic.

Well, I'm almost done with that. Next time you see me on the show. Oh, you're fucking with me. Well, you want me to do steroids? Why are you fucking do steroids to get off a booze? Oh, I'd love to. I'd get so fucking big and mean. Do you want a bag of CC a week with me?

Ah, let's do it. Cycle. Oh, he left you a hangin'. Don't let you hangin hanging with a mitten. Don't let him turn his gun. We're gonna come back here with our zitty backs. Fuck these two men left. I hope you're ready for my tiny balls big dick.

Look at huge muscles. Lewis, why are you standing up? It's my ass hurts. Because it's flat. But no, it's actually just the bone nerve. Because you're letting her circulation from your tight ass jeans. Wait, Lewis, you're getting a text.

I can see in your pocket. Bring home milk. Lou, Lou, this isn't a real ass dude. He's the tight-ass jean wearing motherfucker. You just can't think of shit to lie about when your pants are so tight. That's why you're real. Yeah, jean, stink. All right, so listen guys, thanks for coming on J me and you South by Southwest with Matt Chris Ellis

laughbutton.com we got laughbutton.com The laugh button.com when you find out the laugh button you fucked it up. No, no you fucked it up You just laugh button dot com the laugh button dot com is the URL The laugh button dot com all the details are at the laugh button dot com go to laugh the laugh button dot com is the URL that's the left button dot com. All the details are at the left button dot com. Go to the left button dot com and you can go to my Twitter, you can go to my Facebook, I have the actual banner, the poster that's gonna be all over the place. The nasty show, Aisha Tyler, Big J.

Ocarson, Mark Norman, Matt Brunger, and myself. It's gonna be a lot of fun on Tuesday, two shows. So make sure you take it's now I'll get you badges or whatever the fuck bad badges get you in it's gonna be a blast We got a little shagome as what do you got? next Tuesday March 12th, Liberty Live my first time headlining This is your second time headlining you've done carolines and now you do the time headlining there exactly But this is good. You start the headlining dickhead. It you do the time headlining there exactly but this is good you start a headlining dickhead

It's my fourth time headlining. Whoa. I'm trying to compliment you. There's a terrible compliment Well, four isn't a lot either. I was that's All right, my nice say loose is really good hosting the Ryke show last night. I fucking believe old Joe The fun show's good show Ryke show last week was kill a Davey Mac Davey Mac came out and annihilated. I really tried to bomb. Nile comes out as the world's shittiest comment and does way better than Kelly. It was funny. I was Oh Preface. Hang on one second. Let it happen. Hold on, hold on. I've got to hear this shit. That's nothing to hear. Yeah.

I'm going to be buried in that hole. Hold on. I've got to hear this shit. That's nothing to hear. That's nothing to hear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's nothing to hear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not what you need.

Kelly did good. Kelly did good. Kelly did good. Kelly did good. Right. Davy Mack shut up Kelly Can Davy Mack annihilated with more shit? It was Coming because of these friends with it It's not

My entire table was left Listen hang on one second he had three friends there and he called me before the show and said, this is what I'm doing. I'm doing the world's worst comic. I don't want other comics to be offended. I'm proud of you. Are you cool with this? I said, yeah.

And he told me the three guys were coming to do. I go, you should have them not do that. Just let them be, let it happen. Let them you either die or you make people laugh. Live in that because it will be funny either way. They were going to sit and clap and cheer but they stopped that right they stopped that and then he went up I watched a video. It's on the point. It's on the left button dot com It got a lot of the laugh button dot com it he fucking killed and he started getting annoyed because people It's a shot up stop laughing at me because it was fucking them up because you're supposed to be friends fuck you

Right, and here's it. You don't know the back story go ahead you go Well, I'm telling the back story. No Kelly you did great. I'm just saying David Mac on his first time ever going up You've been doing it like four years Kelly. He's fucking two years two years two years in America and only counts here Okay, I count nothing in Australia It's been someone's like I'm a crowd's laughing with you and at you. Oh, they were so with him. Tell me you should take his comedy class. No, no, no, he doesn't have one.

I had a great set and I felt really, really great about my set. Well, here's a thing. You need to be harder yourself. I had a great set. What did you say? I got like a lot of crap in the middle of it. What's called the pause break? No, it was just one. No, no, no, it was one clap It was no she got a V-clap. She fucked the point. You're standing ovation

I know is everybody went to the bathroom Everyone that's gonna be listening is gonna think that I bomb you guys You just you was well as Davie Mack nobody bomb. Here's a thing Kelly didn't bomb Well as Davey Mack nobody bomb. Here's a thing Kelly didn't bomb Kelly didn't bomb She came close I know you know I know you did Kellie loses Lampus told me she didn't she didn't no one's second hang on what you can say but lose less things she came close Yeah, what are you gonna say that's what I mean? Kelly I wish I could have seen it, but I was taping my own half hour special.

I was like, here's the thing. Back story, just to let you know, I called up early in the day, Kelly, to find out the order. They had her after Bonnie McFarlane. So it was gonna go Davey Mack, Rich, Bonnie, then Kelly. And then to you, absolutely.

To me, but I was like, no, no Kelly you're gonna go up first I want everybody to have a then she fights me out we're gonna a big argument why did you want to go first because she didn't want to fucking if she didn't want people book out then corporate then I'm talking to corporate now if a booker of a club gives you a spot you take the spot. Yeah, you can't argue where you're gonna be in the line I agree am I right? Okay, okay, okay? Okay, Dan corporate Dan the guy comic. Dan. Yeah Fuck that friend Dan. Yeah, the guy who owns the fucking network. Yeah, the podcast that you're on Yeah, the reason you're on the show the reason why this show is happening. The guy who owns half of the fucking network,

says, spilling your credits onto the situation. Says, a man who's been apartment, says you're going on where I put you. Done. That's it. I want you to go on first, so you can have a good time. Lewis is going to get him going and you're going to have a good time. The Lewis is gonna get him going. He's gonna.

And you're gonna have a better time. You follow, Davey, you're fucked. You follow, Bonnie, you're fucked. You're gonna follow. You follow, Bonnie, you're fucked. Okay, just in general. Right. By the way, she had a harder time following me

than she would have had followed, Bonnie. Oh, Kelly. No, she wouldn't have at that point of the show it would have been harder for her. Oh, people would have left. No, no. No, she had a, there's an order of a show. The line of the main total sense.

It makes sense. She went up and did, she did great. This is great. Tell you to great, Davey Mack just annihilated. Yeah, that's why he didn't win up after you. And looks in, I said, Davey Mack, then rich boss, because I know Rich is gonna make fun of what the fuck. And by the way, Vos didn't do as well, Davey Mack,

I thought a shitting on you, which is Davey Mack happening to level the place. Yeah, Dan Fuck show supposed to have an order, which is why I'm closing Esther's Folly everybody set by Southwest comedy festival. You should big news and closing. I will look man. If you are an nasty show, no one follows J. If they don't put you up last, I look I want to I'll make sure chase less. I walked in. I'll make sure I walked in the stand one time and I looked at the order and they're like it was like big J Dan Sutter and I Looked at the manager go what the fuck is wrong with you?

There's only certain people that are like that sucked to follow you suck to fall but tinkle fucking killed right after you did The great one the way well, you know why that we rockied him into that. Yeah, we really man He was like I saw him like throwing punches I just want to like throw in punches. Fuck. Wait. He was hung with the song. Don't get the dunk in the room. Look here.

Here's a deal with that room though. Can I just say something to you? It's the best. We put to, those are all fans of the network of our shows. They're all fans of our comedy. They didn't want to do that. It's like your show, the comedy central, they're not loading it with assholes.

No. You're gonna go up as long as you stick to your plan and do your jokes. Like you're gonna kill. Everybody did great. And that was the, that's why I was so happy with the night. Everybody. What do you make your faces for? Everybody did great. It was a great show.

Oh man. Everybody did what they were supposed to do. Let's put it that way. Yay. Thank you, Bobby. He did a good job, and I'm happy. And you fought me on it because you wanted to make everybody else happy. Well, it was more that I was just getting told what to do. When I tell you what to fucking do, you fucking do it.

You fucking do it. I don't know what you're talking about. But someone says I can give you a better spot. Wouldn't you go, thank you? Yeah. And just take, that's it. Yeah. Yeah.

And I called Patrick, go, Kelly's going up here. You go, okay. If anyone ever walked up to me, it was like, hey, don't follow Greer Barnes. Yeah. Just go first, I think. Done. Well, here's it. Yeah, wow.

What do you think? It depends on which Greer Barnes shows up, but it's political fuck, head, e-Greer. Listen. Hi, guys. Thank you so much. Jay, what do you got? Oh, first of all, make sure you go to Lewis's show. March 12, Tuesday night, eight o'clock. You know what, dude, fans in New York and Jersey.

Get the fuck over there and support him. Buy a ticket. What are they? Five dollars? How much? 15 bucks. What's they have delicious meatballs? Hang on a second. How much are you? 15 bucks. They're 15 bucks to see you on a Tuesday? They don't do. Kelly. They don't do short ribs on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Yeah, no No, you gotta be both Yeah, no, all right listen. I'm too hungry. Don't go Opening for him. No guys 50. All right. We get it. It's dude. I'm hungry. It's rapid I'm tinco and Dave Smith. It's gonna be fucking great show. It's good. You say night really good show It's gonna be a great show March 12th. Go check it out. What do you got big J?

Besides South by Southwest that's a big one make sure you go check us out yeah you can go to my Facebook and Twitter big day of big J comedy dot com has all my dates I'll be in Arizona next month I believe so next month you believe I believe you have quite a career you know what the fuck happened what what happened with the mood sway? You just fucking you were just crazy around fucking 10 minutes ago. Now your eyes are shut. You're you've been sedated. Yeah, what's the thing about my lack of road dates? I guess. Jay, what do you got coming up? I'll take you back on the road with me. You want to go?

Let's do it. All right. So what do you got fucking captain i have everything no what do you have uh... sergeant i have everything i'm just glad to finally say this what dancoder dot com yeah it's up let me say bring it up dancoder dot com dancoder dot com dancoder dot com dancoder dot com i actually took a swing at you for not having a website the story we wrote about you in the lab should have No, I actually did see that You write a story about me on last button eventually I'm not sure what I'm gonna say you bring people on that could ruin or make my career

They do nothing they just sit there in the middle as neut as good business This is one of the nicest guys in the business. I hope Dan up with him He fell in love with Dan. He's done a bunch of shit with Dan since then and you know what? He might do something with you now. He's got Jay and he might do some of you if you keep your Fuckers jersey guys keep your I got his show twice First if you kept your stupid Whiskered head lip shot he might help you Push the mic go push the mic go away

You make me sad Bob everyone's in the wild Bobby trust me dance order dot com's there guys. We should all just not talk into the microphone Yeah, we are exactly live what we're what do you what else you got anything else? No, why is this not why I got it going back to waiting tables web page not available Dude, that's awesome your website is fucking down you Shit That means you know why it's down because it got flooded with people He's the he's the next fucking a z's

He's the next he's one he's just gonna roll on the seller and like walk by me and go right to SD and they go, oh shit Bob. I do that already, but that would come back and say hello. I'll get you kicked out of the seller. I would. I do all my things. You want to do a pussy?

I'll do it. I'm gonna do it right now. Bob, you do a pussy. I'm fucking not a pussy. I'm not gonna go do a pussy. I'm gonna go to a pussy. Bob, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, to a business. No, Bob. No, Mike's pretty much no, he doesn't believe me not as Mike not as much as you think. He saw

that set you did once. Oh, so just let us think probably can get and kick out of the side. I'm getting him. No, I think you can. Okay, they're not really. No, I absolutely. But I couldn't get fucking me kicked out of this place. Um, huh? Oh, the Dicks. We know everybody loves Dan. Everybody loves Okay, they're not really well. I absolutely couldn't get fucking me kicked out of this place

Um, huh? Oh the dick swing now everybody loves Dan everybody loves Dan. That's your show Dan. Everybody loves you Matt you have nothing to put out Say it again don't talk over him when he's saying it now you both talk and knowing he's a ring with him abruptly like broccoli is this good website dot com just go to the left button dot com laugh about dot com Kelly what do you get uh... underbelly this

but i think that what what do you promote? What is it? And my Twitter, Facebook, oh just Twitter, KLM. Make sure you're there. Do you have any five o'clock open? Yeah, I'll have something there. Come see me in Green Point. I'm gonna be, we're gonna text a cab. Stan, it gives three minutes for 15 bucks.

I love something great there one day you'll see. It gives three minutes for 15 bucks Something great there one day you'll see I'll show all of you good I would and I'll maybe I'll put on your website down. That's not coming up as By the way the same guy built Kelly's website Wait a minute wait wait Kelly has a website Kelly's website so Wait a minute wait wait Kelly has a website So you can get a higher pitch. I listen We're fucking wrapping this up my wife big fucking cobblous lasagna tonight go get it What's not impossible? It's all meat use eggplant no meat use eggplant instead of fucking pasta whoa

I'm so racist plan instead of fucking pasta. Whoa, my dad's so racist. So make sure you guys... You're lasagna's part eggplant. We are cataloged. Please go to ryecast.com, YKWD site, and make sure you buy anything off Amazon. Go to our site, click on our link, Amazon.com. We make money, you get your shit, Amazon makes money.

And GameFly.com, the Netflix of gaming, make sure you go there, sign up, use YKWD as your code when you sign up. You get two weeks free and you can't sell it any time. But you're not going to want it because if you're a gamer, it's the best way to game. You don't have to spend the money on these games and then return them for two bucks at GameStop. You get to return it when you're done and get a new game or keep it, whatever you want. Gamefly.com and slash YKWD, if you wanna go right to the site and join up for two weeks free.

And also tweakedaudio.com, I believe it's called tweakedaudio.com, Dan bought three, I bought a couple, Kelly bought nothing, but I'm moving again, leave me alone. Go there, use the code dude get 33% off free shipping a limited time warranty we thank all you guys the left button for supporting us the comedy seller for giving us the space and make sure ykwd at riotcast.com you have any questions at all critiques

anything you want to see anybody you want to see that we have an And a lot of people are asking for you Dan. They were glad you were back What's up? You got a question. I love you. I love you too, buddy And I love you. I love you too. I love you. I love you. I love you Jay. I love you. I love you Bob I love you Kelly Kelly. I love you. Yeah Yeah stop wearing the same shirt this podcast all the time Why would you say that? Because the last time I saw you were in the same thing the different watch it was a share on the same watch it Guys thanks for listening

Bye baby bear I got Matt. I love you. Nice I still recording you big piece of shit. We didn't say Matt I love that. Huh? Nobody said Matt I love you. Matt I love you buddy. I love you too. Alright. If you have any questions or constructive criticism or suggestions for the YKWD podcast. Please send them to YKWD at riotcast.com. Those emails go directly to us. We look at them all. So if you have, you know, some titty picks of your wife or girlfriend or pictures of your own vagina, please send them to YKWD at riotcast.com. We look at them all. We take all your suggestions to heart,

and we try to implement them, not really, but we do like the emails. So any guest suggestions, anybody you want to see on the show, all that shit, YKWD at riotcast.com. Make sure you support our sponsors, Amazon and Gamefly. Amazon, go to riotcast.com click on the know what dude podcast page there's an Amazon link click on it buy what you're gonna buy close groceries hovercraft electronics whatever the fuck you're gonna get get it through that

link you're getting us money you're getting Amazon money and you're saving money and getting the shit you need so make sure you use the Amazon link on the You Know What Dude podcast site on riotcast.com. And if you're a video game guy, go to GameFly.com slash YKWD. Join through that link. You're going to get two weeks free. It's saving a lot of money and then you can fucking cancel if you want or you can you can stay on which you should and get games sent to your house. You don't have to go buy them and spend the $60 and find out the game stinks. Get it

through Gamefly first, check it out and if you like it you can buy it through Gamefly. It's an easy really easy great way to play video games and not spend a million dollars a month because new games come out every month. Before you know it, you spent like $300 on two of the games stink. Are you ready? Blue through them already. It's done. If you're a story mode asshole and you don't play multiplayer, so go to GameFly.com slash YKWD. Join up for a couple weeks, check it out. You're

going to love it. I guarantee it. GameFly.com slash YKWD. If you're a fan of YKWD podcast, I want you to do me a favor. I want you to go right now and download if you have an iPhone or an iPad, the free Riot Cast app. And if you don't just go to Riotcast.com, go to Stitcher and check it out if you have an Android phone. And I want you to check out all the other shows. My wife hates me. Jim Florentine's Comedy Mental Midgets. Weird medicine with Dr. Steve. The glory hole with Rob Sprance, Comedy Selma live from the table. The Bailey J show with Matt, the Davey Mac sports program. Why you sucking bed, mad scientist party hour, the Jersey jerks, and the hammer fisting MMA podcast?

It's free. It's hours and hours and hours of entertainment. For nothing. That's what we give you at Riotcast. So go and support the other shows, tell your friends about it, spread the word, this is the fucking most amazing podcast network. So if you love my show, go support the other shows. Okay, go and check them out. Riotcast.com app for iPhone and iPad, Android is coming soon. Get Stitcher if you have an Android phone.

Or just go to Riotcast.com. And go to iTunes. Subscribe to my show and the other shows. And leave a review. You don't understand that this shit's free and that helps a lot. Okay, you keep us in the top 100. Maybe get us to the top 20.

I don't know, maybe the top 10, and that's when other people see that, and they check out the show, and it feeds itself. That's how that works. So please, review iTunes, and make sure you subscribe. Spread the word. You guys are fantastic. Thank you so much.

You are so beautiful. To me Stop, stop, stop, keep your heart apart You know what I'm dead? Like a spark, like a spark, like a spark You know what I'm dead? Really, really, really, really You know what I'm dead? I'm just a spark, just a spark Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. ¡Fiuming MAPE! John Stark sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.