Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Glen From HiFi

Episode Date: March 11, 2013

Robert is joined by Luis J Gomez, Joe List, Kelly Fastuca and Erik Rivera (@ErikRivera).  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Ma mal, a Madrid.

in all your devices. Plus, don't forget to watch it without paying attention. Oh shit, I just fucking snowed up a book. Boogies! Okay, here's the intro to the latest show. This is a weird one, man. This one got uncomfortable. This one got, it was funny, uncomfortable, eerie, sad. I don't know, man. I don't know what the fuck happened on this one. But this one is You know we had

Joe list Lewis J Gomez came back Eric Rivera who some of you may know on my earlier podcast when I did it just from the phone I used to do it for my phone man. I originated the podcast dude He was on a couple of those, he still before me a lot. He was on back from LA, got a nice hot fucking boot from Hollywood back to New York. So it was good to have him back on the show. Kelly Fistuka too. And let's call him Glenn from High Fie was on the show.

And yeah, it was weird. This is a weird one. So enjoy. It's funny. It's interesting and uncomfortable. It gets a little weird. But of course, we pick it up at the end. So make sure you, I try to have these people on.

I try to, you know, not invite civilians on every once in a while to come on the show because I try to you know not invite civilians on every once in a while to come on the show because i think you know i get the ball bust and but i like some conversation once a while i like a little uh... you know whatever and the civilians are definitely good at that but sometimes it goes weird i'm gonna have to vet these people uh... so check it out.

Glenn from High Five. You know what, dude, podcast. You guys have anybody you want on the show? Any questions? Any critiques? You know, anything like that. YKWD at riotcast.com. Make sure you email us.

Let us know. You like what we're doing. And go to iTunes. And I know you heard this before from every other fucking podcast that you listen to. Subscribe. You know, if you listen to the show and you haven't subscribed on iTunes, I don't care if you get it off a stature or something else. Just go and hit the subscribe button and don't ever fucking get it from there.

I don't care. But what it does is it puts us in the upper echelon of shows. And more people see it, and more people listen to it. And that's how it works. I think, I don't know. It could be all horseshit. But just go subscribe. Don't be a dick.

We've got some great stuff coming down to pipe on riotcast.com. So make sure you go to riotcast.com to check out all 12 other shows. We have the funniest, most unique network of podcasts on the internet. So I dare you say different. So join the riot, Pussies. That's it. Enjoy. Glenn from High Five. You know what, dude? Podcast. Hey, gang! This is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what, dude?

I know what, dude! If you bippy, bippy, bippy, bup, dippy, dippy, dhyah, yabba, dhabba, dude. Dude! This is Robert Kelly's, you know what, dudes! You know what I mean? What? He got a deal? It's not a show, kind of. Who did? Turn your headphones down, you fucking flabbergating cunt.

Hey, alright, we're here. We're queer. Give us a lot of beer I'm starting with that bandana on your fucking Well, I don't know I mean this is it First of all Kelly,. Yeah, mate. Don't call me mate. Okay. That's it. Okay, we're going.

No. You might have to do the show next week, because I'm away. I'm away until the week after. Okay. So you might have to do the show. All right. Oh boy. So YKWD at riotcast.com, if you're against that, or for it.

Yeah. We will tally up the numbers. That's such a bad idea that they're not going to listen to this one. They just shut it off. We're starting this show right the fuck now. Actually five minutes early, which I don't give a shit about. Yeah, we're dangerous, we're living rogue. I wanted to, first of all, I want to invite my fucking pal back,

fucking Eric Rivera's back from LA. I'm right on back. I think welcome is the word, not invite. I'm right here. Invite my friend back. Back on the show. Well, if you want to get technical, Joe, if you want to be that guy, I'm not on a show. Well, if you want to get technical Joe if you want to be that guy

That's that's who you that's who you are Joe list AKA the truth is back from his fucking tours 10 day tour in the middle of the fucking country I'm almost 12 really Jesus Christ man. Yeah crazy. You glad to be home? never been happy to be home. Wow And Kelly fat to fucking stuka. Hey, were there big titties of back? Yeah, it's look big They're big. They're back. Jesus. All right. I think you can I just say something? Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, sorry. I'll stare at yours next. Yeah I put on like 15 pounds and it went into my boobs.

Here's the thing though, you look good right now. Your face looks good, you don't look too skinny and you don't look too fat. Stay right here. You don't look too good either. You invited him back. He's the truth. I'm welcome back.

You can't, he's invited back. What are you doing? Don't do that, don't do that. What is that? I don welcomed back. You can't, he's invited back. What are you doing? Don't do that. Don't do that. I don't know. Eric used to be my palsy walsy. Yeah, long time ago. You know, because we were talking podcasts on a phone.

We did on a phone. We didn't mention that, because I'm getting shit from mentioning that, because I mention it every week like I'm, I started this, so they trashed me last night. So, last week so bad. Did they really? Oh my God, I was like, you know what, and then Big J was like I'm, I started this, so they trash me last night. So, last week so bad. Did they really? Oh my God, I was like, you know what, and big J was like, yeah, I know,

you did it on your phone, and now is this thing. And now I say, I remember our drive back, we did it one time on your phone. There was more anger, there was more energy from me now, you got this like little sexy radio voice going. No, it's not that I'm fucking tired. This is nap time for me. This is prime fucking nap time.

From five to seven is old Nap time I've had in the bed a couple dogs a pregnant wife and some snores and some farts and I'm out You do it while driving you did this podcast. Yeah, I was driving Helped a phone up. Oh, yeah, yeah, I just hold I used to hold the iPhone up and just do it that way We should do it again. Get a van rent a van just do the podcast and the van You're so creative, Joe. Thanks. We from Brooklyn.

It's called the van cast. We show up over the door and grab anybody on the street. Hey, where are you from? What do you do? You like comedy? You don't know what's going to happen, man. The median's riding in advance. That is a good idea. But who's going to drive? I don't know what's gonna happen, man. Medians riding in advance. That is a good idea, but who's gonna drive? I'll drive.

Of course you will. On the other side of the road. Wait a minute, how did you get in on this one too? I just wanted to have a misdrive so much. I miss it, I love driving. So anyways, yeah, me and Eric used to, we were talking last night, the last week about Big J, when he came here, I would help him out. I would take him on gigs of me and then Joe to Rosa and then it went to you and then it went to Dan Soda

I would Kind of took Dan and you know exposed him to all the people I know But yeah, I remember when you came here. You he used to wear Joe Eric used to wear vests. Yeah, well, he's doing good. Oh, you look like a fucking little mini-matador. I hate vests. Used to wear vests old paisley patterns. I said, because I fit in the eclos. Well, first of all, they make vests for fat people.

OK. Then you wish this on me. You wish me to gain weight. Yeah. Yeah, but you're not fat. Well, now I'm starting to slim back down. Yeah, you look good. but you're not fat. I've well now starting to slim back now. Yeah you look good. You look great. You're working out. Yeah you look I mean you look you're you're you're you're you're a Mexican you're definitely never gonna be fully in shape.

I'll be in shape. I've never seen a Mexican with the fucking abs. What about the fighters? All the fighters. They never they don't have abs. What? What are you? What are you singing now? They don't have abs. What? What are you singing now? What? What a feel-setter. They get like two abs. They always have a rice and bean fatty around the bottom.

They never, right now their belly button is always a little chunky. You know what hard it is for Mexican to get fully in shape? Not like a black guy, black guys can get shredded. They come out shredded, huh? They come out shredded. They don't. Yeah, they do.

They've never seen a baby with that you never seen the little kids they'll take the shirts on the little abs now except i think like eight year old keep black kids that were ripped really i'd be up really little kid though that i saw like a five year old was that russian kid with usually shredded his big i think they would shoot them with roids he's like a weightlifter is the world's strongest baby should like that

that's not like a five year old black and black kid who's ripped I was watching a scared straight really oh that buzzer fucked up my joke Five years old already and scared straight was a joke. Oh Buzzer that the buzzer ruined it you ruined it actually Really actually you ruined it by saying it Pretty good attempt. No what black people ruined it by making it realistic that they could be a five-year-old jail. Oh, boy. All right, well, let's have some fun while Kelly's gone.

Uh, it's so funny. With Joe and you and me, I can, if Lewis and fucking dance odor and Jay on here, I can turn the mic down a little bit You know why oh yeah, yeah, there you go. Yeah cuz they're fucking yellowers yellowers Hey sweetie if you happen to see the most beautiful girl Nothing to do with you. I just have that slug stick Very so I'm all hyped up on sugar now. I had a Hershey bar and a coke and I'm gonna get diabetes by the end of the show. That's good. I'm actually second day of no sugar no carbs for three weeks. Hey! How's that going?

It's um, you know what? You wake up in the morning, it's just like smoking. You wake up and you know when you wanted that cigarette, you know, you know, you know, you're like, you know, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're

like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,. It's, you know what, you wake up with the more, it's just like smoking. You wake up and you know when you wanted that cigarette, or where you wanted that cigarette, when you get anxiety, it's just out. You want a cigarette.

Same thing, like this morning I wake up, I want a car. It's like that's when I would have some type of bread or some shit, and I woke up this morning like shaking. And then it went away. I got a trainer I called today. We working on, I gotta see, I can't just lose weight. I can't get a trainer. I could, of course I could.

I know those people out there, Yechi could, I could, but I can't because I have the addiction side of me. I am an addict. So I have to deal with the addiction side first. That's why I'm quitting sugar and carbs for three weeks. I need to suffer, get it out of my system, not have it, have a few days of clean time, if you'd say behind me, and then go into working out and maybe adding fruits back

in and maybe whole grain, like brown rice or something. Can't have fruits. I need to... Sure. Terrible sugar. Because what you do is I'm cleansing my body of all sugar. So I'm and maybe whole grain like brown rice or something. Can't have fruits. You should. Terrible sugar. Because what you do is I'm cleansing my body of all sugar. So I'm not gonna crave sugar. It's gonna be gone. That's a good sugar.

It's a good sugar. If you're not a hundred pounds overweight, if you're not a no-beast fucking fatty. Where are you getting your fiber from? My fiber? I'm taking fiber. I feel bad. I shut up with a Hershey bar and a Coke of cola.

I put a run-and-ass on it. Yeah, dude. Come on. I sit in the room with these fucking alkeys last night. Jay Lewis and fucking Dan drunk. Yeah, Kurt and Mads go the night before. It's like, I must be an open-dem, Dan doing a podcast. You know, God damn it. Your tits. Did that come out? Did that come out? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Just fucking doing it. I'm doing it just like a quit smoking so it's a fucking nightmare. Oh boy. Yeah, I'm gonna It's gonna be I feel bad for please. I apologize now To people like snap on in this room. You remember what happened in Vegas when you had just stopped quitting smoking Yeah, and I was like, yeah, you look like you gain a little weight and the fucking thrashing you gave me Oh, yeah, you snag like I

First of all, I really thought you were gonna kill me. I was like, oh, she. I was like, oh, she. Yeah, it's been a, yeah, that was tough. My wife was with us and she was like, holy shit, I've never seen them like that. I snapped and you eat your wife? Yeah, I was there, we were in the back room, you walked in, you know, hey, what's up, dude? I was like, hey, what's going on?

You're like, yeah, quit smoking, I'm a little on edge, I was like, oh, you're gonna be like, game a little pound. Who the fuck would say that? You say that shit to me all the time? Doesn't matter, you cock sucka. You're an undling. You don't talk to me like that. You don't walk into a room, stupid.

I probably haven't seen you in how long, and then I got you the gig. Can you give me a bit? And I gave you the gig. I do something nice for you, you shit dick. And then you come in the first thing you say, quit smoking a little thing I hang on stupid hang on And then I you come in the room. I'm fucked up because I'm not smoking in Vegas of all fucking places And you walk in looks like you're gaining are you fucking you don't think I haven't gotten enough on Twitter and Facebook by these

Savages I need one my friend who I just got a gig for his wife, his pregnant wife and him to have a free vacation in Vegas and you come in, hey, fatty, go, fuck yourself. I didn't get any. I was concerned, fall off a Ferris wheel. I think you look great, Bobby. I don't know what you look like then,

but I'm sure you look great. I'm taking this, I'm taking this bottom soda. Yeah, co-opin' tray. Eric, I'm sure you were right as well. I'm sure it was made sense. You know what? I love it, man. Thank you, see?

See how this could have been done? It could have been handled in a better way. Well, now I'm back and I'm giving you compliments. You look great. I don't. I look like shit. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I papa? I'm working in an ice cream shop. Fuck, can we just get off this subject? You know what? You don't scrub the one with the cup of which you said.

It's like in an ice cream shop. You're working on an ice cream. You're gonna pick four arms, they're nice. I don't know, I don't want big four arms dude. They look good. I don't want them, I don't want them. Oh boy, how do I look? I love lost a couple of weights.

You've lost a couple of weights. You've actually lost weights. Because we haven't benched in a long time. You skinny twink. I've never benched in my life. I'm not a twink, would I be a twink? No, you'd be a twink. Am I tall to be a twink?

You know what you'd be? You would be a sloppy bottom. No, I'm kidding. Sloppy. You would be a twink, you'd be a twink bear. What's that? That's a hairy twink. I'm not that hairy.

Yeah, you are. Look at your face Oh my face is here. I have no jawline in this tiny mouth and crooked piece. I have a beard. You have to have a beard Oh, yeah, I look silly without why do you like blend into a wall? Accentuates my little chin my little chin. I'm not what a cutie Hey, got to die. Yeah, I got a while ago though. I haven't been here like a month ago I think. Who are you? This show's really changing to some lovely WFest here. Who are you?

Who are you just going around? Oh dude, don't worry about it, fuckface. I'm dancing. We're getting to it, you have Guatemalan. Can I tell you what, strip of the motel? Well, I'm getting to it. It's very scary. I was literally, I was gonna go to your LA thing

and then to your motel. But you know what, since fucking dick shit had something to say. Who me? No him. I don't know who's who. He's dick shit. You're thin lips. Oh, I don't like the,

Adam Azul, let's go back to the love. I thought it was slurping butter. I love your cheekbones. The cheekbones. He's gonna be a favorite. You take a picture of his fucking apocca-lipto smile. He, him. Oh.

Will you stop? Will you fucking insecure? You are thin lips. I don't think Joe hasn't got any compliments yet. Well, first of all, you talk about my mouth and then you say something smile and I'm like me. No, not you. You just talk about my mouth, you can't.

Look at it. Tell me that from the movie Apocalypse. I never saw Apocalypse. I'm going to think studio. God. I was too busy eating carbs freely without gaining weight. Wow. Wow. I hope you're fucking in hell.

I hope you're drinking. Listen. You're really used to answer that. All right. Well, yeah, first of all, Joe, I love getting Joe's text messages from the road. I think you give him to a couple of us comics. Yeah, yeah.

They're mass texts. I see it. Then I see who gives out the best advice. You're usually third or fourth. Yeah. Well, I'm talking about people that, you know, you know, why am I third or fourth? Because I actually give you good advice. Yeah. Well, yeah, you're like this. Yeah. I've been there except for the part where you're not making money. Collins, like, you know, Joe, it's a long road in there. You know, it's very thoughtful. I'm like, teary-eyed. Yeah. And then you text me. I'm like, yeah, maybe I will jump off this fucking road. Well, dude, I texted you. Yeah. Well, you let me read the text first of all. Let's just, can I read it? Do you have permission? Well, I don't want to read the sobriety part.

Well, you just, I know that. I was, I can read the first part. Yeah, I'm not gonna be no no no some of its personal Yeah, well he Joe tat you know, he's on the road. He was okay blah blah. I'm in a 38 $38 a night motel and the moan I or because I booked my flight on Because I thought there was a Sunday show Because I thought there was a Sunday show Shit after 12 days in Iowa after netting 150 about 100 I might possibly less than that by the way the more I don't do my I don't count money That's unhorrible already, but I spent about three hundred dollars in a rental car

I stayed in seven hotels paid for five of them and Here's what I wrote back. I've done that. You were doing so good, bro. And then I wrote back, when I said I've done that, I meant the motel thing, not the 150 for 10-day thing. Well, because what happened was I showed I was doing Kansas City in Des Moines back to back.

And first of all, I was middling. The middle money is, people talk about this UCB money, shit. Middle money on the road is crazy. It should be bumped up. Everything has gone up in price. Flights, whatever, hotels, drinks, admission, everything has gone up except middle money has gone down. Really?

You used to make it to $100. $100 bucks a set. But you can't, you used to be able to make a good living middle league, not even that long ago. 10 years, 15 years ago, 20 years ago, you could make a a hundred thousand dollars Right used to be one fifty or two hundred plus hotel sometimes travel right who would have heard I'm not that old But yeah, you end up doing you know I'd rent a car because I was there for fucking two weeks

Oh the greedy fucking the greedy fucking club on us right That was what now my buddy Tommy who paid for half the rental car then there was a snowstorm so the show got canceled and I got snowed in Kansas City I couldn't get to my show I had to pay to a hotel that day one of the days I just fucked up and booked the flight because I'm a fucking idiot in the wrong day which I've never done before head to buy a hotel that day then the last night I paid for a thirty eight dollar motel but then he he texted me he texted me after that and it says I had to switch hotels because my motel phone kept ringing with no one on the other end. I almost shit my pants.

It was the scariest experience of my entire life and you like believe in ghosts or something shit I think. Well I have boots about monsters so I figured you'd be the guy to text about that one. I got a hotel motel 637, 37, 99, which is a huge must, I hate motels, I'm never staying in a fucking motel again. You know what, the door opens and you're just outside. Yeah, Billy Burr calls him the serial killer buffet. Yeah, that's where they can just sit out front and pick which person they wanna kill

and then drive up to the door. Yeah, it reminds me of no country for old men. Like Anton Shagor is just sitting out there in his socks with his fucking blow gun. Oh yeah, yeah. And so I go there, I get in there, the room's just awful. It's smaller than this studio, or whatever bedroom, what other fuck it is. Doing a great job disguising that we're in somebody's home,

by the way. So anyway, the fuck is wrong with you? Jari, is that John? We have settled down, you jumpy cunt well i'm fucking doing a podcast with a cat two sodas and a slow down have a water you fucking weirdo the fuck you mean dragging the story of a 30 minutes I'm trying to tell it and i'm getting nothing i feel like a bombing is

staring at me you bring up you're supposed to be supporting me I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying to be I feel like I'm bombing you. It's staring at me. You bring it up. You're supposed to be supporting me. I'm like crazy, too. I'm trying. I'm trying. Also, I can't hear myself. Turn your headphones up, you fucking A. I hear you too loud.

I can't hear myself. Well, you can't hear you. Where are you? You're here clear this day. I've been speaking. All right, now I can hear myself. All right, here we go. Anyways, you're supposed to be a nice host.

It's like this. Oh, it's crazy. Well, it is. Look at me. Look at me. You got me bombing over here. Listening. Listen, I'm sorry about the sound. The new sound system, used to be a certain way and now it's a different way. I got to learn how to fucking use it. Rob's brains.

Oh boy. Yeah, anyways. Look, man, you had some... Why was your phone ringing? That's what I want to know. I'm getting to that. So the motel, I'm in the motel, it's horrible. I'm sharing like a thin wall with a door in it. I just hear this guy like coughing and a woman whispering. I think it's like a drug, but it's like a rough area of demoint too, which there is one, which is weird. And the guy's just like, like that, continuously,

I can hear it as clear as day. So he's coughing up the fucking balls of heroin that he smuggled over the, that's what I'm thinking. Right. And then there's like like a people on the other side There's like a like a rap group filming a video and I was standing in the window just looking at the window Being sad and thinking about where I went wrong with my life. Oh, I hope you're in a video I hope you're in some fucking rap video just a satin and they just add a lyric sad white dude in the window I look like a ghost like powder or something so I'm staying in the window window, just contemplating Dan Soder having $800,000 in me,

being a motel. And uh, Are we all doing that? I took him under my wing like 30 years ago. Yeah. Joe D'Roseon was a kill himself. He interrupted, he actually introduced him to me. Yeah.

Oh. Sorry, D'Roseon just bummed me out. You know what, I brought up the wrong guy. The name just syncs me into depression. So I'm staying in the window, just staying in the window and like this like group of like four guys that come out and they're like, well the fuck, you shit, yeah.

And like one of them just goes, ah, Jesus, he's like, just by the fucking skin. And like points in the window, I'm just staying in the window. Just like the, now I'm realizing I'm the most creepy person just in the fucking window. When you're shirtless, so then, no, I'm'm just looking but like they were walking by shooting a video. You're a rap group and you see the boy and hip hop group. You see this seven foot fucking bearded white thin dude in a window.

Yeah, sh**. You're using a straw for a coat with a coke. Yeah, it was like, look who's talking. They freaked, not look who's talking. Three men and a baby. It's all right. My two favorite movies, I confuse them. So they jump and they all five of them like in a baby. It's all right my two favorite movies I confuse them So they jump and they all five of them like in the window where like have a stare down It's like me and naughty by nature not cuz I hate you

And they're just staring at me and I'm staring back and I'm like this motherfucker skimming So now they just know that there's like a weird goofy fucking white guy who's He sent a text to his friend yo, I think I just saw ghost. Yeah, we got to check out of this motel We got to get that's just yeah, so then I go to a movie I went and saw this movie quartet Which is much about an elderly home and yeah, are you gay? Oh? Most are you gay on the road? Well, it was four movies I've seen all the other three already so I went went and saw Quartet, cried a little bit, whatever. No big deal.

I come back to my hotel room, the remote doesn't work. So I try to call the front desk, it's like an old phone. I go to this big fucking, hunky phone. It's not like a rotary, but you get it. I pick it up, it's just dead. It's like no dial, no nothing. I look to see if it's plugged in. It is plugged in, but it's just a dead phone.

So I hang it up, I go to the front desk. I'm scared to be outside. I'm like, do you have another remote or battery? She's like no she's a scary-looking woman, right? And so I'm like all right fucking I guess I can't watch TV So I just said no. Yeah, she's just like no like other people had already asked It's like I'm back up in my room and now I'm just like standing there flicking channels like with my finger like a douche Listen to that guy cough listening to fucking NWA over there

And then all of a sudden my phone rings. So I was like, look over, it's spooky. I'm like, I'm like, hello, and it's still dead. It's just dead and ringing. I hang it up, take like a step back to the Go To Watch TV. It rings again. So now I'm like, freaking out. I'm like, hello, nothing there.

It rings a third time. I left it off the hook and get the fuck out of there. Really? That's the drug boss, man. It was the, because either, I don't believe in ghosts or whatever, but I do believe someone was fucking with me. And I don't wanna be in a motel where someone's fucking with me.

Yeah, that's a fucking rape motel you're in. Yeah, it's like I got out of there. And I was talking to Colin, and then he goes, yeah, probably just the lines were crossed up and you just lost a bunch of money. And I was like, yeah, that could were crossed up and you just lost a bunch of money I was like, yeah, that could have been a thing. You lost a bunch of money? Well, I paid $42. I didn't get my money back and I went to another hotel room. Jesus Christ.

Did you ask them about the phone? No, I got the fuck out of there. I was scared. I thought the customer service guy was with the batteries, I'm sure. Yeah, I mean, shit about the phone. It was just, oh, in the whole place, reached like weed too, and I mean, I like weed or whatever. Like, it's just people are doing drugs there. It's a, oh, in the whole place, reeked like weed too, and I mean, I like weed, whatever, like it's just, people are doing drugs there. It's a $40 motel.

Shady neighborhood phone. Story from the adjo. They were probably doing the rap guys, let me just, let's look at the brighter side of this. Actually, they were probably trying to fix the phones for you. They were probably calling up to let you know that they did find a battery for your remote, and the phone thing didn't work,

and the rap guys were there, to they're doing a cancer benefit. That song is for the guy in the other room who's coughing, okay? So this whole thing was and they were trying to call you to have you come down and maybe be part of the festivities in one of the rooms and it was a paid gig too So I made you money back. Yeah, I was paid that I said no more motel once in LA just outside about a transfer at LAX So it was only there one night

It was let you know so tells right beside the airport and we went to use the phoneA.X. So it was only there one night. It was like, you know, those hotels were right beside the airport. And we went to use the phone because my partner at the time was really sick. The phone had been like, just pulled from the wall. So when you see the cord, it was like one of those things where someone had fucking, like, you know that.

Let me ask you a question though. Is there any way you could have used that necklace to go back in time? No. And it fixed. Who the fuck is that? I look lovely. What is that?

It's like Mrs. T. It's with the... It goes with the outfit. What outfit? The outfit that I'm wearing. I've got a show. I'll get a host after this. Are you hosting on a spaceship and another galaxy?

No, yeah. You look like Joan Rivers with where that is. Yeah. I look great. You want to give me an outfit about what I... What, like clothes and stuff? Don't start a fuck face. You're going to go out and go out. Yeah. You want to give me an argument about what I about like closing? Don't stun a fuck face. You're gonna go out of go at it. Yeah, you wear and sweat pants. Yeah, I'm okay. Yeah, I'm wearing sweat pants Then I'm made of metal and diamonds George can stand up a nice polo shirt, too

It's a very expensive t-shirt. It looks nice Yeah, it's around $40 a t-shirt $40 a t-shirt. Yeah, it's around your hotel room My t-shirt's how much you pay to stay right? I'm just saying that necklace is a little crazy Am I out of my mind? It looks like a metal from the fucking Paralympics Linda says it look beautiful. I'm fine. Thanks guys. All right, Liddy really take a picture of that Liddy, you look distractingly good. Yeah, she always looks good. Because you got that hat on because I was that hair. No, when you take

she takes that hat off. All the hair is going to just go out. What is it? What does it happen with an afro? It makes a sound. Yeah. I didn't know that. Is that racist? Yeah. No. Nothing's ever racist in this room. You can say we want. Well, I'm glad you're back, but it's gotten rough out there. It can be a little bit rough. And here's a deal with a regular clubs or with a... No, it was Kansas City improv and then the point funny, boom.

Good food. Kansas City improv doesn't give you a hundred bucks a show. They give you a hundred bucks a show. That's it. And then they'll give you a hotel room. And then Kansas City improv, I shouldn't be shooting on clubs on the air or whatever, but... They're not shitting on any clubs. John again couldn't make it up because of the snowstorm, so I ended up co-headlining no extra money no one even told me We ended up splitting the time closing to nobody didn't give you extra money for that the sound guy was like

All right, you're going last in this show. I was like I'm going last what is the fucking talking about no extra money No, that's just one of the guy you had a line with he was nice Nathan Timmel good guy You know what though? Here's the thing is that the guys that i know those guys at the cancassity improv the managers and they're cool it's a woman right there cool boy that it's a whole corporation the funny but that that should be that but that should be better for you that they're a corporation there should be they should pay you more but they've

they go by number it's's all numbers. They don't go when they have Bobby Kelly They didn't go oh is great. He fucking killed. He's got some new stuff. They go. Oh, yeah, we here's the numbers We sold I know how I know what they do. I'm saying on your level Yeah, but on your level it doesn't matter. I had someone looking out for me Look at on your level it doesn't matter paying me $5,000 or you know $10,000 could could affect them given me a Certain amount of money they have to make sell tickets, but you 150 150 bucks an extra 50 get the fuck on I agree agree they could give the end of hotel room the hotel rooms 80 bucks. They usually have deals where it's less than that

Well, I mean I had the I mean I stayed at the Hilton, both show out, they had a great hotel. They put you out, but in between, I mean, I don't give a shit about me. All right, well, fuck you then. Yeah, I thought that, but what happened was the snow storm was one, so I had to get a hotel, which I wouldn't have. Did you go, and now I was in a snow storm

in the Kansas City in Proff. The pool goes from the inside to the outside. Yes! Did you do it? Oh, yeah, both times. I've been there February the last three years in a row. One of the craziest things I've ever done in my life was in a heated pool, it's inside and it goes outside. You go under the wall and you swim out and I'm in a

fucking snowstorm in a heated pool. So you're warm as shit, but it's fucking, it's a white out all around you. There was like a tornado of snow all around. And I was like, I was all by myself. I felt like a fat polar bear just. It was beautiful. One of the craziest things I've ever done. It's kick ass. Yeah, it really is. The Hilton's as good as it gets with the hotels that

I like. I think us are gonna be in. Like Hilton, I'd like the new Hyatt place. Uh, the new Marriott. Uh, Marriott's are always nice. Like, Helm, I'd like the new Hyatt place, the new Marriott. Marriott's are always nice. Well, the new ones are nice because they redid, they have that new modern little store and little restaurant and high speed

into flat screens everywhere and all this cool shit. A lot of the hotels are actually better now than they used to be. I mean, when I would do it, when I was middleing, I remember some hotels I stayed in. It was fucking terrible. But I loved it. I loved it because I lived in a shitty place on 97 street.

Anything I stayed in was better than where I was living. If someone could be brutal. Like, I know the big cities like that, you still get nice hotels, but I do schools. Dude, I did one school. They put me in a hotel. The girls like, don't get into the whirlpool. Somebody got gangrene last time they were there. Oh, wow. I. Oh, wow. Well, I wouldn't go to a fucking whirlpool

Yeah, but it was in the it was built into the room. You had a whirlpool in your room Yeah, you never that's like, but everybody knows that I was gonna do it anyway But then I was like, this isn't the fucking cat skills and fucking the 1950s You don't get no fucking whirlpool in your room You have the first of all water and carpet don't go well together. You know what I mean? You know what? Ugh, ugh, ugh.

I would never use a whirlpool in my room, ever. That's like crazy porn shit when it has to be a spa in a hotel room. This just, it's just, it's just, it's all it is is jizz and asshole. That's all it is. Who's gizz and asshole. It's all it is, it's a tub. Who takes a fucking tub in a hotel? Who the fuck does that?

Did you say take a tub? Take a tub. I was saying that the other day, and someone was saying, I thought I was ridiculous. Is that a Boston thing? I don't know. Let me take a bath. I'm gonna take a tub.

You take a tub, take a bath. Who gives a shit? Take a bath. I don't think it's, no, and then I was like, maybe I just made that up. Take a tub. I was a fat joke in there somewhere, take a bath, who gives a shit? I don't think it's, no, and then I was like, maybe I just made that up. Take a tub. There's a fat joke in there, so I'm gonna take a tub. How was that coffee, but?

It's the cup. Without sugar, it's fucking disgusting. Nah, it's gonna be good, better. It's free, though. What are you doing, another Coke? I'm getting some water. Thank God. I'm trying to cut down on soda too.

Yeah, you should. But here I got nervous and. I don't want those fucking teeth falling out. I was kidding, I'm gonna, I mean, you know what? I'm chocolate now. Yeah, then you're gonna, it's gonna look fucking teeth falling out. I'm scared to gun up chocolate Yeah, then you're gonna it's gonna look weird with that mouth. I can get some real ones in there You just have nice ones just whistle Yeah, I hate fucking I mean I hate no Kelly can you give me a tissue from the bathroom my book is coming on my house. I don't know what's happening. I want to hear me this

I had a guy a Fan ascend this in Kelly. Do you have the Info on this is this it right here? Okay, um, his name is subu T Subu an international fan. S. I. B. U. T Subu subu T. I don't know. Maybe his name is Subu T. I mean, I don't know.

Is he a rapper? Did he do a rap video and a motel and a moin? My dick actually does smell like sand and falafel. Oh, shit. Oh, listen, any guy. I remember him. He was actually at the book signing show. And, um, I remember him.

He was actually at the book signing shell in wiping my nose. You just watching Robert get book is that he's nice. Well, you know what I did. Looks good. Me and my wife, she was rehearsing my lines with me today. I just did some crazy shit like kung fu shit at the end. When I got it right, no, I bowed.

And then I did some other crazy shit And I ran up scratching underneath my nose and it made me my nose run not interesting, but true I picked my nose to literally just like once a week probably Get in there. You just get a net sensitive in there. I want this guy was in India Dude I made fun of in the front row Good guy. He was at the book signing show and he made these posters, artwork of Patrice O'Neill. Alright, a print of Patrice O'Neill. He's been working on, it's a 14 by 17 image size, sheet size and a image size is 11 by 6 by 14 by 6. If any of the listeners of our podcast here want to buy one, you can go

to www.etsy.com. That's ETSY.com. Shop, Saboo, T part. Okay, here you go. I'm gonna say this again. Could you make this any fucking harder Etsy,u? Kelly's showing everybody isn't that wild. That's awesome. Isn't that fucking great? Lewis Lewis Gomez is here I'm gonna fuck off. I'm not fond for that So here's a fan made this Lewis of Patrice and you can go if you guys want to purchase one of these It's a really great piece of art. I love it. He did a great job.

www.etc.com slash shop slash subu t part. That's s-i-b-u-t p-a-r-t. Go there 50 bucks you can get one and he'll get 15% off if they use the coupon dude that's D you you you D.E. You should have just put dude regular man dude. That's fucking for you Yeah, but he's a true fan. That's good. He's a dude. That's what we're calling our fans of our show for

No, dude. That's what we do. We don't shit on. We're just fucking saying you could have made it better. Or it's the original, you can buy the original artwork, which I do, I don't know if you guys do this. I buy, I have a whole wall of original artists and then I'm famous or anything, I don't know maybe they will be, but it's all original pieces and I love original artwork.

So I actually might go buy this. It's 500 dollars for the original piece that he did which is not bad or collected we're not all making that money and uh or kelly for stuka we can give him kelly for stuka for one night he'll fit you owe two fifty luis is here yeah i'm stilling that seems high i he's gonna make one a jiraldos soon and there you go. So go to that. Do you do living people? Wow. I don't know. I don't think so. I don't know if it's all, you know, boobly boo. I mean, do I have to kill him? Boobly boo. Boobly boo. Kelly. Write it down.

He'll he'd draw me over. Do I have to. Here's a sad part. If you did kiss off, that wouldn't even make you more famous You'd still be Joe list died he will draw comics with dead careers, so you're in you would have a big tribute Podcast you'd all be weeping It would start out as a tribute and then it would pan off into something Kelly did And then yeah, and the place got a big mention damn would do some type of character Big mention. Damn, we'd do some type of character. Nothing to do with you. You'd be sobbing. And then Lewis would bring up Ham over his turn.

Good get gay. You'd play some song. Damn, it would be Joe dead doing a voice. Ah, dead, I'm fucking dead, you mad at me. That would be, yeah, the embarrassing. Lewis wouldn't care. He wouldn't even, he wouldn't be invited. Joe who? That was just me in the name of the show, Joe who.

That's the name of the show. That's what Bobby just said. That's like a in the name of the show, Joe Ru. That's the name of the show. That's what Bobby just said. It's like a really annoying echo. Can you please put that after it? That's what Bobby just said. That actually website, Etsy is called Etsy Kelly. I've never heard of it. It's great.

Your wife is on it all the time. What is Etsy? I'm going to tell you. It's great. My wife is on it all the time. What is Etsy? I'm gonna tell you. It's a bunch of like little markets. You can, as a small business, you just sign up with this company and they'll help you sell your shit. Oh, wow.

I'm having a custom hunting knife made from Etsy. For what? And I'm buying what? I said for cupcakes. It's gonna glaze your cupcakes with your custom hunting knife, because you've never hunted anything. Yeah, we got it, dude. That's the problem with you.

You say something funny and then you kill it with your personality. It's what I do. You're the Hulk of fucking comedy. I smell shit. Funny. Smash. I, uh, no, I'm getting a I'm telling it's contagious I'm getting a I'm I'm I'm getting a hunting

Custom hunting knife made it's fucking this guy is great. I'm gonna I'll bring it in I'm gonna bring it in when it comes in. I'll be talking about it again, but this Yeah, fucking dude. He does makes the blade Everything the handle the fucking wait to see the actual sheath it goes in and I go fly fishing and I'm gonna be I go hiking and I'm gonna be actually starting to do overnight trips up in the Hampshire going up trails that you stay for the night yeah so you want to go me and you yeah you kidding really just like the Patriots game at your house yeah I'll go they didn't make it what do you talk about it and make it they played 18 games you're not we were saying

cut sorry we're gonna what, you gotta stop that you know I was doing that last year and I want to call my mother a content of party. I've called my mother a cut recently I had a ball of guilt she brought it up to me last week. I apologize. I apologize. I called both your mother's cunts Hey, I Did it we were playing scat you know the car game scat and I'm like ah you cut and then everyone just stares at me I'm like I don't know yeah, I did the same thing I want to go hiking with you with the fuck game's scat and I'm like, ah, you're cunt. And then everyone just stares at me. I'm like, oh, I don't know. Yeah, I did the same thing. Big.

I wanna go hiking with you, what the fuck? Big party at Binhamshire and I call my mother a cunt and a cunt plot. I call them both. She's really a f**k in there. I go f**k it in trouble. Yeah, do you wanna go? I'm going to summertime, I go up to the white mounds.

I hike all the time. Wait, and you're doing this? I'm gonna go over. Is the baby's born? I can't wait to spit in my hand and just put it on the tip of my dick and put it in your ass all the time. Wait, and you're doing this? I'm gonna go over. Where's the baby's born? I can't wait to spit in my hand and just put it on the tip of my dick and put it in your ass in the tent. I'm up for whatever.

I almost got really sad. He wasn't invited to that. I know, seriously, I want to spit in my ass hole. Not the hunting issue. I have a funny face. I'm gonna say something. You showed your ass to me on Skype, but I got a screen capture of it.

It's fucking disgusting. Purple. I can't imagine. You know what, asshole? It looks like it. It's fucking disgusting. Purple. You know, asshole, it looks like a dead person's asshole. Can you show us? Yeah. I don't want to see your asshole. No, it's kind of scary. Come on, grow up, Joe.

Well, there's a mudhut in Africa. It's fucking Africa. Look, you don't need to show the picture. I'll show them my asshole. I have no problem with that. I don't see it live. I'll see you in a picture. Let me say, oh shit dude, you really did get a nice screen capture. Asks looks white.

Are you a white guy? Yeah, that's area. Yeah, but here's just wrong with his asshole. It's how it's looser, because there's a pouring flag on it. You know what it looks like? It looks like a fucking gopher hole. It's so black. Look up.

Like an ashtray should go light, light, light. It goes from light just to dark black immediately. What's that big bump? My favorite part of that whole screen shot is you smiling. How excited. Look at you. How about that? Look at that. My tits. Now go back to the asshole. Look at the look on your face. I asked like the asshole one because your thumbprint is right where his asshole is. Look at Bobby's face. The ground thing there like his coxic is called an asshole Kelly. Oh yeah, above your black ass Yeah, you have like a lump above your coxic say coxic again What a fucking puncher in your coccy is a big rounding day

I was not like cancer anything. Yeah, look my face is probably the most disturbing part of the show I can't tell which is which First of all Bobby years of Bobby did he thought it was being slick, taking screen caps, while we were on fucking Skype. I don't give a shit, I post for that one. Cause he got my tits, and then I was like, oh dude, I'll give you my ass hole, and then I waited a minute until you got it, and then it was all right.

He didn't say you didn't say you got it. Don't lie, don't make shit up. I'm a real ass dude, I've never told a lie in my life. You lied, you went like this, you didn't do a screen capture, you got mad. And I went, no, I didn't. That's the first time you've known that I lied to you. When I did, don't act like you ain't on it.

I don't even remember this day. Yeah, I can't stand you. Your asshole sucks. Just, you know what it is? Your asshole is just open all the time, like a woodpecker hole. It has no, it's never closed. It's four times the size of Joe's mouth.

It's okay, come on. Try just took the punch and just put it. It wasn't a punch. No, I have a huge asshole. Yeah, yeah, you guys, it's a buzz word. You think I got zinged. You're talking about how big his asshole is. Yeah, but he was also talking about small, you about this.

I know, but four times the size of any mouth is a huge asshole. Yeah. All right guys, you hear, do you ring the bell? Yeah. All right, go down and grab him. Is the fan? Can I just leave him? No, it's a friend of a friend's coming on.

Feel free. Is it somebody that can do something or take something away from my career? And would that seem to be the theme? Well, he works for Facebook. Oh, okay. It does nothing. Yeah, well, not for you. Because you have eight fans.

Oh, come on. You do. I looked at your fucking Twitter photo today. Just trying to be white and ghetto. What? You stupid smile and you're happiness in front of graffiti. Fuck off. Oh, I don't pick you up. Of course you do. You talk it.

Let's do it in front of this graffiti. Oh, actually the photographer was like doing it there. Yeah, it's MS 13. That's good. They kill people for drugs. Good for you. Way to promote them. Yeah, he just got back. Do you know him? Who? Eric. Oh, nice to meet you, bro. I was on this podcast with him. You twit. And I don't want him for like five years. I don't know if you all you Spanish people know each other. He's my cousin. No, he's probably. I wish he was the father of your child.

You came back from LA. You're back. You tapped out. You tapped out. I tapped out. Yeah, I did. Yeah, tapped out. LA put him in a nice fucking straight knee bar.

He was like, all right enough. Yeah, you're fucking done, huh? You went out there with the fucking hopes. I did. And the dreams. I still have that. You know what the worst part is, is you dragged your fucking wife out there.

She wanted to go. You ripped her out of her fucking. I said, I'm going, she's like, I'm going with you. And I was like, yeah, I'm going with you. Yeah, that's not sure how wanting to go. You went, I'm going and she's like, now I have to go with you, you asshole. No, because we had that point,

we weren't engaged or anything. Yeah, but she was in love. Yeah, she was. Yeah, she was in love. You dragged her across the fucking world. I did, but now we're back. She's got a better job, we got to, we got the baby, we got a better place.

I love that you weren't mentioning any of that. She's got a better job, the baby. You're still where you were when you left New York. I've got stuff like this. Just less spots. Ha ha ha ha. Hey, you were almost, you were when you left New York. I've got stuff worth just less spots. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hey, you were almost you were the king of the new guys around here. SD loved you.

SD's showing me love. Hang on now. Showing you love and loved you. You know she loves now. D to the A to the N. Nugel. Dan Soda. You say the N word? Yeah, but I said it in a rap voice.

Okay. Hahaha. All these nugos keep on coming in and bringing on the property value. Dan Soda you say the n word yeah, but I said it in a rap voice. Okay All the new let's keep on coming in and bringing on the property value dude. No, that's bad what I just say to I sang it as no you can't do it in a rock voice number one rap I said red and number two Oh fuck he's now working the comedy seller instead of Mirjo. Are you waiting? He's going outside. I'm good spots. I have people get lost. Ah, so yeah, dead air on the podcast.

That's really what works. Yeah. What are you doing? You can't take over while I'm fucking... Do you want me to take over? I'll fucking take over, bro. It's gonna be MMA and porn. That's what's happening. Wow, that's really stinking. I watched porn today. I very rarely watch it. Did you watch the fucking, the Miss South Dakota,

Miss Teen South Dakota? No, what is that? Oh, what is it? Oh, what is it man? Where is it? The girl who won Miss Teen South Dakota, three months before, she was in one of those fucking, like, you know, hotel room, first-time audition porn?

Where is it? Just a teen? Dude, what is it? Is it teen? What's your name? Oh my God. I don't know her name, dude. Just looking at the code.

Miss Teen North Dakota. Oh my God. Oh my God. porn. Yeah, but I don't want to pull up the fake, the non-shit. Is there a porn site you can go and see it? Yeah, if you just fucking Google Miss Teen North Dakota porn, it'll come up, dude. That's one of the best Dakotas, too

Like yeah, yeah stick it in my ass dude. She fucking hang on let Kelly do the voice No, no, miss missine Delaware Delaware. Sorry. Is it Delaware? There was a day in it. It's Delaware Oh, you know what else is a D dummy? Oh, you're a fucking idiot. How do you get North Dakota and Delaware? Even not even close the same. I mean you get North Dakota and Delaware? Even not even close. On the same level. You never went to school. Politics. And Delaware is not that surprising. It's actually exactly what I would have fucking have actually I would imagine that

Miss Teen Delaware would do porn and take it in the ass. More surprised by Delaware. Delaware is somewhat that's like in between Philly and fucking Pennsylvania. Yeah, but that's where the wire was filmed. Philly and Pennsylvania. You remember fucking a Miss Teen Delaware. Yeah, Miss that's where the wire was filmed. Was Billy in Pennsylvania. You remember fucking a lot of time. Miss Teen Delaware.

Yeah, Miss Teen Delaware, she did a porn. I don't know why. I'm trying to find it. Is it good? It is excellent. Excellent. She looks upset for being in the room, like she really just needed the money.

And it was before she won a beautiful one. Right before she won it, dude. Oh my God. It's so funny. She just gave up her crown. I got a boner. How'd she give it up? She have to suck the guy off. Let him come on her face.

It's not, it's not anywhere. You can't watch it. See, if you go to shoeshtime.com. Thank you. That's what I'm, didn't I ask that? He was, that's what he was asking. I didn't want to give away the best points out on Earth. And it's called the shoe time?

Shoes, just, shoes time. SHO, S-N-H-O-S. Am I going to get in trouble with the feds for going? What, it's just child porn and that's- How did he spell it? SHO, S-H-T-I-M-E. I wasn't even Delaware, that porn site. trouble with the feds for going what's just child porn and that is pellet SHOOSHTIME SHOWARO that the porn site Del Aware everybody that was pretty decent here Bobby's not in the game today So he would have left a much harder at that. That was pretty solid game. I'm trying to fucking do this

I got all I got a million things going on this. She's trying to get people up here. We got him fucking Danny A late clock sucka wait that's not more Zuckerburger now this mother No, he doesn't he said he works for Facebook. Oh, he didn't invent it I thought it was a face blender that was coming to take your keyboard office share Is the funniest thing I've heard all day. I just fucking brought the show to a screeching halt because you fucking late you fucking novice I'm all about to look at porn when we yeah, look it up. I'm looking it up tell her what it is again Go to shoes time.com. It's on page four. I'm so people can spell a shoes time. SHO-O-SH Headphones follow the cord just turn them up and down because Lewis is loud sometimes

Yeah, I'd say you're loud you fucking. And you want to use the microphone to talk. That's how we do it. I'm slowly learning. Jesus Christ. Danny, we got Eric Rivera, Joe List. Hello. Lewis Gomez, J.J. You know what?

I don't want to say it because you want me to fuck. What the fuck is the difference? Tell me why I have to say it. I've known you're from Michael J. Fox if you don't say the day you think it's is dead his dad is dead he got murdered oh come on dude wow didn't he yeah he's still shaking listen what J Gomez what's the difference what I go by Lewis Gomez is a very generic name Lewis Jay Gomez. There's only one boom. Oh Stop stealing my boom by the boom. I'll take it all day long. I got a coffee cup with boom on it first of all Batman is boom

All right. No, that's when he threw up and you can't claim boom. You didn't the first one to ever do boom Yeah, boom. It's on a mug motherfucker. Dude Al Qaeda did boom way before you Fucking boom, it's on a mug motherfucker. Al-Kaeda did boom way before you. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. That was terrible. Kelly, do you got it?

Not. What's it? Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes.

Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Hard to get porn. It's not hard to get porn. What? That's that's specifically. Kelly, what kind of porn do you like by the way? Um, two guys, two girls.

Girls watching porn is very off putting too. I like a bit of, well, it could be, depends on mood. Have you watched porn on that iPad? No, there was no porn on this, but on my laptop, yes. Okay, you usually at laptop to get porn? Yeah, what are you fucking news?

Doesn't it get a hot on your stomach? I'll put it to the side. I have it, I've stopped doing, I stopped watching porn though, about four weeks ago. Tell me, give me that. What are you fucking news? Don't you get caught on your stomach? Put it to the side. I have it. I've stopped doing a, I stopped watching porn about four weeks ago. Tell me, give me that. Stopped everything. You're just fucking retarded.

Give it to him. She's typing in a shushed name. Why'd you stop watching porn? Um, I don't know, just because I started. Did you found that necklace? Yeah. And it gave you powers? Oh my god.

No. I should have worn that necklace on Sunday. Oh! I'm not. She won that mechanism someday. Oh! Eric calls me up and goes, dude, look, how's your girl? I go, what girl? I thought I was talking about one. He goes, I got a gig. Can she do the gig?

I go, yeah, fuck Kelly, yeah, she's fine. No, no, no. Oh, you started selling her like a shitty book or sell a shitty gig. Oh man, she's organized. She you tell me everything But I was like is she funny. Oh man. She is always on time. She is friendly and likable I was like how do she funny? Yeah, I really dig every every other I'm like a car well reliable. Fusherty clean

She I was trying to sell it. It was like what's that in the microphone you ask all you have a fact You know you're late and you're fucking up. Hey, I'm learning I'm learning slowly. What the fuck? Dude, I just the first time I met this Danny guy. He's a friend of jot. You know Josh need I know I never met him. I know Josh a friend. I love Josh need great guy He just he tells me about Danny and then me and Danny start talking and then I'm like let's hang out come on my show And he's like all right and then me and Danny start talking, and then I'm like, let's hang out, come on my show, and he's like, all right. And then, and now he's on my show, but he's how, how late was he, Kelly? 42 minutes, buddy.

What the fuck, man? You know, I just, like, make an entrance. It wasn't an entrance. Well, I stumbled over there, so you didn't see that, but that was funny. You fell? That makes me so happy. It would have been better if you chipped the tooth. That would be great if you walked in bleeding.

Oh, I want to get nice. Hi, guys. I'm a doctor. Let me grab you walked in bleeding. Oh, what are these guys? Hey guys, good doctor. Do you think I did pull the Eric? Well, how do you think you did? I think I did okay. Let me ask Joe how you think Kelly did. What? How was he there? I got some eye out. Therein lies the funny ass face.

Oh, I didn't know. Yeah, stop living in reality. How do you think Kelly did a Eric show at a college? What's the situation? College? A university. There's people there with ears. Is it a nooner? No, no, it's show at a college? What's the situation? College? There's people there with ears. Is it a nooner? No, no, it's actually a nine o'clock show. Okay. And a nice crowd in there.

Is it a theater or is it a... It was like a student union. It was a brightly lit room and they're all sitting down on chairs and I know I had a little stage. What were they gonna sit there? And now eating ice cream. Kelly, you got first cold? Cold.

Well, a woman came up and she went, Hey, everybody, thanks for joining us. This is Kelly for Sturker. Oh, okay. I'm gonna, I'm saying, and this is based on the surroundings, not your comedy, because I try not to see it. I'm gonna say you died a horrible death. That would be my only cause I've done the gig.

But what was funny is that meeting with talking in another room, and they were like, oh, we're gonna, it'll be like not a clock. I'm like, okay, so we're waiting for someone to say, hey, we're gonna start. Cool? Right. And when we were so long on stage, we both stopped and went, are they starting? And then I just hear my name and I like, I'm out the door, like I'm doing an entrance

on a sitcom. Like, hey guys, it was really weird. And that's the reason you'll never ever succumb right Hope you didn't wave around like that cuz underneath it would jiggle and it distracted it It was Give it to me give it to me give it to me and it to me. Don't look don't stop it. Don't pause it I want to watch it. What are you doing? You think I'm gonna stop this? Yes, keep going keep talking to you Eric. Do you think it was like? That was weird. Do you agree that was weird though, that it was died?

That's normal, that's how college shows go. They just go up and they start it. I got a few little laughs and I spoke to him a little bit and it was a bit weird. I didn't kill, but I didn't die. All right, let's send it. Eric, why are you coming, man? Oh, no.

Eric, did she die a death single? Oh, I watched porn. Louis, we watched porn. I got hang on. It's like, you know, a long time. Yeah, this is her. Can I watch? Yeah, I can on like you know a long time. This is her Yeah, I can't see the fusion She's pretty smoking She's never done porn that's my motel

That's my sister That's jarred in the window in the corner 15 Who it was with? That's Jared in the window in the corner 15 That's what you lost a virginity job boyfriend and it was in the back of a truck at a park She was gonna say that on the Miss America thing By the way, you can tell she's being honest. Wait. She's not lying about that. No, let's just let's just let's just skip to the fucking She has got a huge fate. Yeah, let's just get shut up Kelly. That's all we're looking at She had a huge feet. It's good up. The guys ask I can't see nothing. She is the same ass. Oh

Why did Kelly just go like oh, oh my god listen? Listen That's my favorite little Smetter ass That's my favorite little slap. Oh, smacked her ass. He's called a rat and a rat trap. Wait, this is Miss America. What if this team is... It's Miss Teen Delaware, dummy.

Teen Delaware, God. Miss America would never do this look quality before. How did you go from the bed interview to fucking? What was the story here? How does that happen? Oh my God, she wanted to be the famous. Dude, this isn't Paris Hilton or fucking what's your name? Kardashian where it's a sexy this is a full-fledged

She sucking dick like a teenager That's great Bobby What do you nuts dude that that's not good you got a spit on it and look at it like you fucking love? That's not good. You crazy? What do you nuts, dude? That's not good. You gotta spit on it and look at it, like you fucking lapill. Ah, you fucking look up at me. Well, show me on Joe. Give me a joke.

Show me on Joe real quick. So was that, was she auditioning to do a point of the casting catch? She was auditioning for Miss Teen America. This is actually a dish. That's her talent. That's her talent. is actually a dish. That's what I do. That's what talent. You know what I mean?

You know when you get the casting catch where it's like, and then, No, we don't. No, we don't. That's a catch might be one of my favorite points. I love casting catch. I love it. You know why?

I got to get this. My favorite part of the porn right here, right when the, when the dick pops out for the first time, like a red bum. Watch ready? Watch that little boy, and the-bling, g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g- Wow, I remember the last shoot time. Look at Kelly, Kelly, that's a rub on her because you just saw a cock. She's time? Yes. Wow. I certainly pull her over and watch that iPad.

It's crazy. It's crazy. Un-fuckin' believable. How great is that? Oh, she's suckin' his dick at the end, too, which is great. Bob, you know what that means? That means, what? I feel like you have a boner right now.

It's uncomfortable. I don't have a boner right now. I have sweatpants on you now. You remember you have sweatpants, man. When a chick's suckin' a dick at the end like that for the last 10 minutes of the porn, that means her pussy wasn't doing it. She doesn't have to fuck.

Let's see the com shot. I wanna see her get the hurtin'. Look at these shit. Yeah, he's tryin' to jerk off on her shoulder. I can't see it at this angle. I'm sorry, I'm not a... She's not good, yay. I'm not a...

Is he comin' on her back? I don't know, you fuckin' peep-show creep. Well, that's for the... But it doesn't matter how... Show it's a porn. It doesn't matter how good she is in bed. She's really hot. She's fine She's got a good buddy. Well, you know what she's now. She's she's fucking porn. That's it Who the fuck would do this? Never seen it titty's yet. Where are the titty shots? I know a couple of girls have done I'm coming on a shoulder. I have a guy I don't win him it stop. Why who comes on a shoulder?

Well, he's gonna see anybody who fucks Kelley with those big shoulders. Maybe he's British. He's not missing. Wow, that's disgusting. I have a comedian friend who did a porn. I can't say the name. Oh, I know. Shockey. Wait, who? Oh, he's coming on the face. He's coming on the face. I don't care about this fucking board or this podcast. I'm not saying boobs yet. This is very disappointing. Look at that. Look at that. Tell me when it happens.

It's gonna come on a head. Tell me when. Tell me when. Tell me when I want to hear it. One. No, no. He did. He did.

He did. It's all over the face. He's like, that's when he asked her, what was your favorite part? She's like, that part. He like baptized her. Catholic church. The part where I

fucking lose my crown oh god what a why would she fucking do that I don't get it you know I just feel like a girl that hot should be able to just go up to any rich dude my dad just fought you for a few years and just live a good life she paid 1500 bucks for that porn that's it that's it Joe listed 10 days in the morning of one fifty you're in the wrong business Joe. That guy coming me for 1500 right now. You are my shoulder. I mean what do you do? Shitty titties That's the name of the video shitty titties It's called bad put bad foot nice pus remember that

Remember that with the chick got a leg blown off And then you can see up the skirt in the hospital She had a really hot pussy, but her leg was just hanging off. I'm right on top of it. What's up bad push? Bad was it bad nice plus bad foot. Yeah, Google that This becomes the podcast we just watch point. No. Why is he not spoken? I'm just a little sick man. This is he's he's looking. I don't know I don't know and why did you scream into the fucking Mike? They work God free because

Well ask him. It's why are you not talking? I'm just here. What are you? What do you do? What are you? What are you doing Facebook? I'm just a person. Why is your shirt so tight? This is why I live in never do a show. Why your pecs so awesome. It's just natural I feel like a person. Why is your shirt so tight? This is why Luke would never do a show. Why your pecs so awesome? It's just natural. Feel like a matey before. Jack Black, tiny Jack Black. That's what you're thinking of. You're due to comedy?

What's up? You do comedy? I have. OK, your face looks really funny. He's already funnier than Kelly. Danny, make sure you keep talking to the mic, buddy. OK, I got it. Bring it right up.

Do you have to eat these, Mike? Lewis, make sure you stop. I got a lot of I got this one guy that doesn't like you. What's up with that? Is that the guy who keeps on tweeting him? I don't know. I'm about to threaten his children. Yeah, does he have children? Yeah. Oh, um, yeah, there's one guy that's like I love the show. Love this. Love you. Love everybody. Just please don't have him on it. Dude, go die of cancer. Whoever the fuck you are. Tell me where his kids go to school. I want to know everything. I'll go you back. Love you, Joe. Really? Love you. Wow. I don't have him on it dude go dive cancer whoever the fuck you are Tell me where his kids go to school. I want an everything I'll call you back. I love you Joe really loves you. Wow. I don't like this guy actually said something about you

What do you say and he love Kelly? Oh really? Maybe I'm gonna come on I can't get this guy out whoa and he said he liked Danny even though he didn't know he never heard of Danny Fuck Danny fuck Charlie fuck you fuck that guy I love the fucking Rivera got fucking mush back to New York. What do you mean mush back to the ghetto? I decided to move back. I don't think you want to do well in LA. Fuck LA.

It should be it's an honor to come back to New York. Yeah. This is where fucking real comedy happens. Really? Do you believe that? Okay. Like stand up. Yeah.

Well, alright, I'll say this to you. First of all, I'm going gonna be in Boston on March 15th at the Wilbur Theater. I'm gonna be in Boston too, that same weekend. Why are you working with Nick's? Boston. Why aren't you working with me? Because I'm working already,

and I'm there like two weeks later with Gary. You know what that's all about? I'm up to the streets. You're a middle or no, would he, it doesn't matter how many times you go up to weeks. I'm not gonna be there. I'm up to street, I'm at the college. Why don't you stop by and open for me Bob

Louis and Kelly yeah, you'll come all open just watch I gotta put you guys up and fucking. He's gonna already be there. I gotta get a hotel for both these and then I got a fucking get you there Yeah, none of them have a nice folks wagon Tee-guon I'll sleep at giant airbags. Oh, you have a car. Yeah, so you could drive there St.V.s to SUV on the market. Yeah, but I got your life in my hand I still got to get you a fucking hotel room. I sleep in the Tee one Bob Bob what who's the fucking fan who doesn't like me what's his name? Eric Rivera you want to tell you tell me?

I want to know if it's the same fucking guy if there's two guys I want to tell you right now why Danny's here and don't get mad the same fucking guy if there's two guys I want to tell you right now why Danny's here and don't get mad. No, no, no, it's Danny the fan. Danny. I'm the fan. You're the fan. Danny. Look at me Lewis. That's why I'm wearing the tight shirt intimidation. Listen to me Lewis. Stay with me right now. Honest to God. You need to stay with me. We're going to try something here on the show that's never been done. We're bringing in the haters. Okay. Listen to me. Danny doesn't like you on the show. Now wait a minute dude. Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me, dude. Danny, wipe that sweat off your brow. Stay with me, dude. Listen, the reason why this reason why he doesn't like you and they he he's gonna justify them

Okay, on the show I need you to stay with me. I there is no violence in the book. You trap me. I didn't trap you You trap me I'm trying to help you You trap me I did not trap you or trick you I want I want you to fucking deal with this guy. Lewis. Okay. Man, that's the way for you.

Listen, we got the best help for you. Lewis, this is a new show. Okay. Listen, I wanted you to deal with this, okay? Okay. You this guy wants you off the show. He fucks with you. Hang on, look at me.

Look at me. Stay with me. Damn, don't you fucking deny it, bro. Stay with me. I just wanted to bring him in, we're gonna talk about it and air it out and we'll figure it out. And this is how we're gonna cure the internet of the hate.

Right here. I don't mind the hate, I like the hate actually. No, we're not gonna have it, you're gonna deal with it. It's not too late now. I wanna read you the email that he wrote to me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. All right, let me express it, don't you fuck that he wrote to me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, um, all right, here we go right here. Okay, ready? Love the show.

You guys are great. I appreciate all the hard work and effort it must take to bring us fans a week to week show. Okay, good work. Robert, you are great. In Side Splitters, Florida, we laughed our asses off. Your fan, please do not have Lewis Gomez on the show. You didn't put the J are you fucking kidding me. I just want to keep it quick. I'm actually talking about Lewis Gomez. Yeah, who's that guy?

You mean baseball player from the Toronto Blue J's in 1986. Fuck that guy. You're right. He shouldn't be on the show. I agree. High high five there we go Look man, I'm the time to move over look man Do I see like that much of a hothead like I'm gonna beat up your fan? I'm scared of my Bobby's fan you just give that email Yeah, you just gave us a website for porn and fight videos. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm gonna beat him up and fuck him Yeah, he really come on a shoulder.'s really, he's really, he's been pissed. He's been pissed.

He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed.

He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed.

He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. He's been pissed. on the one hand you brought in the porn, but then on the other hand, you went for the fighting. So it just seems like you need to have more depth to the character. It's not a character. I'm a real ass dude. It's me. I said, there's no more depth to anything that I have right here.

It's pointless. It's just fighting in porn. That's it. Well, you just say, wow. I mean, that might be a thing while you don't want you on the show. Is it loud? Because that makes sense.

You're out loud. You're very loud. You're out loud. Yeah. So Danny, I got you, man. Nothing's gonna happen. So you can be as honest as you want to be. I'll be the shit out of Bobby Kelly.

You're the sweetest ball. You're out of your mind. You're out of your fucking mind. I'll bite your ear off. Yeah, I think it's very sweet of you. Like, nothing's gonna happen to you. But you're, first of all, it's 12 feet away.

Yeah, I don't mean it. I don't mean it, Joe. And he could end up in life for fun. Joe, I'm saying that he's being recorded So if they play this back in court, I go right here. I said you were gonna He's chewing on the toothpick. That's never good. I'll dial 911 right now I never actually understood toothpicks. I actually have a friend who's huge on chewing toothpicks I don't understand it like you just chew on it. I don't get it already in a whole

Table I mean I like this an actual question for someone that clearly has a finity of a finity. I smoked so yours for 10 years, two packs a day, so it kind of helps me a lot. Yeah, but you know what? Yeah, but you know what? I was 10, I quit a year and a half ago and I don't do two picks. Yeah, but he eats a lot. I don't need that true. Two Shay and so do you.

You wide hips. Coming off, baby, I swam, fucking 50. I don't give a big, child bar. Yeah, all right. Somebody tried to throw a fucking a spirit you while you were swimming They thought it was a man it to be through lettuce in the pool. There was a bunch of Eskimo's walking around the fucking pool side Danny I agree with you about the toothpick. It's weird, right? It's something that's weird I just don't understand you can even see the two

I mean looks cool. I'm gonna be wrong couldn't even see the toothpick on the podcast before you wrote that email I was you wait to come with this shit head. You should fucking go Kelly first of all let me tell you something. Okay. You know how many people don't like me This is not pretty used to this shit I can't arrange your hand in this room What am I supposed to say this every right to not like me? I don't know what you know what dude Let me tell you something you know what dead. This is the worst any fucking good comic is gonna have people that don't like them And that's just the fucking way it is people you know everybody I write explain yourself though What do you mean why I get that part, but but explain you why would why would he not like you? At dawn I pushed a microwave oh

Shit, oh there goes Dan fucking spills beer fucking drunk on the tables Um Kelly will take care of that. Um, they're outside in the hallway. There's a barrel you guys check it out I'm gonna be at the Wilba theater on March 15th. I got one show if you're from Boston and you don't come to the show You are a piece of shit, right Dan? Right then? Fuck it kid right you fucking you don? Fuck yeah, kid. Right Dan? You don't support Boston's best. Yeah, fucking shit. See you down at the docks, you fucking clock, second.

They don't have dogs in Boston anymore. Only should, because you guys are all dog workers. March 15th, take it still available. Go to thevwillbeardtheatre.com, or Robert Kelly Live. Dotcom to buy tickets right now. Don't think about it don't wait take a check take your friend take your fucking sister your uh... the

chick you bangin uh... behind your wife's back whatever get them get the tickets order them now uh... with the march 15th boom used to come i want to see a fight i'm not gonna fight somebody a z relax with you yeah it's not the old days back in the country I'm kidding. Danny's not the guy. Oh, definitely fucking idiot. You think I'd actually what would you do if I punch him in his fucking ears Did she said that and then this point?

What if he drives out clear? I was unaware I was going on when I first came in now. I'm just actually scared First of all, it would make me laugh If you suck a punch in the earlobe and broke his fucking ear drum, I would laugh. I would not. I would not. Now he's not the guy. I was just starting to like him.

I mean, in that case, I don't like him. You know what? I was on the like him too. He was a real ass dude when he didn't like me. But now he's just a kid who's scared. You got your two thick just so you got. You got, how's it going to be? Talks about you. Is that you're such a hot tempered fucking twat.

And then when it comes down to it, and I stick somebody in your face, you know what man, life's life and people are good. And you gotta have a little sun and a little rain to make a rainbow. Go fuck yourself. What comic lives their life that way, where if somebody doesn't like them, they threaten them,

you're the one who dug that, do you fucking, you start blocking people on Twitter? If somebody tweets some shit at me, I retweet it and I laugh. It's funny, I don't get shit. I do too when it's funny, but if they're mean and they're not a fan of mine, and they're somebody, they're just trying to be a cunt.

I don't need you in my life, I don't need that shit. And I have way more fans than you All right, yeah, there you go That felt heavy right there. That was real heavy. Wow. Yeah, cuz he was really fucking stuck with his reality Fucking eight people telling you you don't like you Whatever So This back Whatever, I'll put you away. So, uncomfortable this. Back to you, Dennis.

Well, tweet, tweet, what is that, tweet.io.com? You got your headphones in you. I think it's my headphones. Yeah, everybody, we made sure that everybody on the network got a pair of headphones. Three, actually. What? I didn't get any headphones. I didn't get any headphones. Stenny, shut the fuck up. I didn't get any headphones.

I like that. I like that. I am part of the network. Yeah, I didn't get any headphones. You're nothing. I'm am part of the network yeah I get any headphones you're nothing I'm not pictures of you're even a New Yorker you I am a New Yorker you're not you're a LA orker no I gotta just say it the fact you give him a forker nothing I don't like that I have to make my own fat jokes what happened to you get him another coke you're ready to just fill in that this isn't a radio show. You're honest. Fuck, I'm scared.

I thought this guy, I thought he was going to get beat up. And then he's not who he says he is. Lewis is fucking. Oh, regular coke. What am I, gay? Joey was just caught sitting like my dad with his legs crossed in his hands on his knee. Joe shuts down.

Joe shuts down. Exactly. What was this? Any kind of comment? Tweakedaudio.com. You guys, where's the ad? give me the fucking ad god damn it How am I gonna do this? I can't have it no sugar. There's no car misters every week. There's no car. I don't want it

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you get 33% off, the headphones are already fucking cheap inexpensive bro inexpensive not cheap headphones I could have come to because the actual headphones I've got them the great the fucking great headphones I'm using them all the time. They're actually well-made durable cool headphones There's a bunch of different styles from choose from they have seven colors seven styles They have wood grain Did you get your wood grain? I did did you like those? I did I got three pair I got the white ones the white and the green the black sport one black sports and the wood grain and the wood grade

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I was like, fuck, these are some expensive ass headphones. They look great, and I bought beats by Dre, and they fucking sucked, they broke after a month. Beats suck. They suck. They really suck. Fuck, babe. The food, the equipment. phones, they look great, and I bought beats by Dre and they fucking suck, they broke after a month. Beats suck. They really suck. The food, the equipment. So go there, twink.io.com, use promo code, do 33% off.

Go today, make sure you go, type in that code. We also Amazon and Gamefly on our ryecast.com site. Go there, ryecast.com slash Robert Kelly go to the you ykwd page and anything of amazon you buy through our link you fucking hear me do not go to other people's links except for hammer fist if I can't festing. Gamefly.com go there too what is that supposed to fucking say? Do you want to do your show and dates in the middle here? Sure I'll do it. show and dates in the middle here?

Sure I'll do it. Do you want them at the end? I'll do them at the end. Okay. So there you go. You know what, make sure you think blue microphone, go to blue microphone and check them out. They give us a really nice gift yesterday.

Me, not you. So go check them out, bluemicrophone.com. Danny, you work, you're late. Why were you late? I was just coming from something else. What? Uh, what do you think we were gonna ask you?

Yeah, no, I actually have to head out unfortunately. You have to leave. Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. Why? I'm going to a friend's gig at the bitter end. I thought you didn't have to go. Do the bitter end burnt down. It was fired.

I tell you, Danny, this one happened with Danny. He got freaked out. You freaked him out. It's true, I don't wanna get punched in the ear ear I'm gonna punch in the air. It's gonna punch you I'm sorry. I really do have to go but this cock suck it. Let me tell you something about this guy This motherfucker What nothing? I got to go roll though. It was great meeting you all. Why do you go? What are you doing? I got to go to this thing I thought why you telling me to shush. Oh no

I'm cut. This is the weirdest Oh, no, I was saying I'm cut. This is the weirdest Yes, you mean you're cut like I have to go go. Okay, I'm going go What a weird dude? What the fuck was that I don't know I have no I like it. I think you're great. I think it's great too I like it too. I love it. I think it's the best guess ever he shows up shows up late wet for some We show up late and then he fucking bail early. Dude. Are you robbing the boy wonder? Are you going to fight crime? I think he panicked. I think you just panicked. I think you just I think you just panicked You know what? Here's what's awesome though, but he's not a comic right so he doesn't have the same like he's not in this world Where you're like a fucking big deal. He's like, walk him out, make sure he gets out of it.

He's in a world where you're like a fucking effluss celebrity. So he's not like that impressed. He's just like, yeah, whatever. I'm coming for 15 minutes and leave. He doesn't give a shit. Right? Yeah, that's why I think it's cool. I think that guy hated us.

What the fuck was that? What happened to you? That was the way he works with Facebook? I don't know where he works. Did he really the guy that was talking shit about? No, I was kidding. I would bring the guy. That'd be great.

It would be great, dude. I would tell you, I wouldn't just set you up. Dude, let me tell you something. God forbid you did, I know you're fucking Puerto Rican temper and God forbid you, look at Lewis, you ran down my street once with a, I'm going to kill somebody, had a knife no shirt on true And you from one eye that's not what happened

I'm not fucking I'm not gonna set you up. I spent two days in jail because of that Yeah, I'm not setting you off. I'm kidding. I don't remember. He just went with it in a good way I fucking love Danny up until that like I was just about to get into with him and he's fucking left That was for it. Cali, let's go. Cut it off. All right, we got it. Let's go.

Did I fucking that room? That room, after I almost fought him, he called the cops. Did you lock the door? Did you make sure he gets downstairs and out? Yeah, there you go. Dude, this guy called the cops and said that I threatened his life and pulled a knife on him. And that's that I threatened his life and pulled a knife on him And that's somebody that I threatened his life

But then I left a knife on top of my cable box as to say if you go into my bedroom I'm gonna stab you with this but I didn't say it or pull it on him Oh boy, wow and that he then that's and then he wonders This is what's fun about comedy you bring in like all these different groups of fucking lunatics, right? You know what I mean? I groups of fucking lunatics. Right. You know what I mean? I'm over here all day. I'm like, I'm crazy.

I'm sad. I think about you. Yeah, you're up to your down. Yeah. And then this guy is a fucking psycho. Half a retard. And then this guy is just greasy and wet. He's talking about Danny, not Eric.

Even though Eric is still. I mean, it looks like someone sprayed him with a bottle. Here's what happened. I he, look, and he told, he said I could stay. him with a bottle. Here's what happened. I, he, look, and he told, he said I could stay. He just, I don't know what, what do you say? Um, he doesn't want anyone to know where he works. He's probably getting fired.

Oh, Facebook. Oh. Why did he say that? Yeah, that's what I said. I just say it. Can we talk it on the microphone? Why did he just say we can't mention that? He just, he like, he was like, I'm gonna lose my job

because you're talking about Dickson porn. And I don't want you to say where I work. Because I say we can't mention that he like he was like I'm gonna lose my job because you're talking about Dixon porn And I don't want you to say where I work Because I you know what here you know we did that the other day is Josh Matthew's same thing, but it's fine Look why don't these do these fucking people know what show they're coming on I mean what am I fucking MPR? He said he didn't know that he was gonna be recorded. I said on a podcast know that he was going to be recorded. I said on a podcast. Yeah, I'm like, this is fucking my transcribing it. Yeah. I hear a hoving in post. We have the first readable podcast.

But you know what? That's DU, you, you, you, you, D-Y-D-I-E. I said to him. I said to him. I said, you should have said to Bobby. You should have said, don't say my name, don't say where I work, or whatever. Like, work that out. I mean, Bob. Just come in and eat something else. If you're a fan of the show, if you listen to show, you know what gets spoken about, Dixon Pulse is gonna come up. But he was just, he got really worried because he said the name and his work and he's really scared back in five. So he might be a little bit. I would never want

to get somebody fine. Yeah, never would I do that. He's petrified. Never do that. I mean, I feel bad now, but here's the deal. Before you come on a shit. I don't get that You didn't think it would be recorded. Okay, that's fucking nuts and then it's a it's we're a comedy podcast I mean, we're not all dick balls and queer. Well, yeah, I guess we are but mostly what was he gonna talk about? What was gonna be his contribution? Look dude. I don't know, but I'm I look at I let people come on the show because I you know look Who if you want I just bring people on sometimes I think I don't know, but I'm, I look at, I let people come on the show because I, you know, look, who, if you want, I just bring people on sometimes, I think, I don't know. Maybe they'll, they'll be interesting. Maybe you'll be uncomfortable. Here's a deal. They'll be, here's a deal. We had Josh Matthews on the last, last week, correct?

Yes. The week before. And you come into a room with a bunch of fucking alpha assholes. We all know each other. You've been on my show before. You know what's up. We wouldn't describe you as alpha, but keep going. We wouldn't describe you as alpha. Me and Lewis and Sarah. You're the sloppy bottom, Jared.

Yeah, we would describe you as the guy who gets the berries. We would explore the meat that we caught. He's like, free. But. Says a bunch of funny stuff. Yeah, he's going, yeah. Yeah.

No, you make us laugh. That's very high efficiency. You make us laugh at the fire. Right. Before we go out on the hunt, you know, they're going, go and guys, do a good job. Even killed volume doesn't threaten anyone. You know, it's funny where it's keep going.

So I just, you know, he was on, but he was quiet. You know, they get in here and they, it's back and forth and it's so vicious and mean sometimes. And they get fucked up. And look, Danny's, everybody's a man, everybody's a human being. You don't wanna, you know, he was late, which fucking bugs me.

But, you know, not really. I'm not gonna, you know, tell you to go fuck yourself. I was just joking. I was working on Facebook's algorithm. But here's the deal, don't do it. Don't bring it up We already said it 40 times. I know, but you know what I hope it gets fired kind of I want to add because I never had any contact with him I feel like I feel like all our pages gonna be deleted tomorrow

I'm curious Zuckerberg's listening But here's a deal too. Here's the deal. It's like all right. You feel But here's the deal too. Here's the deal. It's like, all right, you feel, don't, the fuck, man. It's a podcast. We didn't fucking, we're not talking about, what is that cut cut?

I love it. But I was really funny. You're like, dude, why are you saying cut it out like that? What are you saying? Dude, that's gonna go. I gotta say I'm out here. He made up why you was saying the cut. The best thing about Bobby is that I can see in your eyes eyes when you just like when you just change like when you were like

What's wrong? What's wrong? Get the fuck out Did this you when he cut me up? Cut me on my podcast. Get the fuck out. It's like you don't fucking cut me with the fuck just look at dude Go you're late for one thing. I actually I'm this isn't you nobody not just anybody gets the fucking come up here He's got a real my space attitude. I'm so that much mysterious It was I can't say that that was the most mysterious guests. We've ever had late leaves early Very greasy. I gotta go see my band. Did you say that he was a listen? I like he listens to this No, I he's a friend of my oh my god. I'm calling Josh need up right the fuck now

That's the guy you you know He's the one who fucking hang on let's get Josh on the fucking line Nice guy funny good sense of humor. I am fucking great. I was a thing. I've seen him before Right I never fucked him going along with the fucking holos thing was awesome I like him. I thought maybe going along with that you just don't want your fear fucking Dan Just trying to get Facebook shit. I thought maybe he um hey Josh Yeah, yeah, you're on my show right now. You wanted to be on your own Yeah, your friend Danny just fucking up and left in some weird way dude

We're gonna we're not gonna call him Danny. We're gonna call him a guy your friend X Literally came in fucking 45 minutes late to the show, okay? And then sits down doesn doesn't say anything, I try to incorporate him, joke around, everything's fine, it's funny. And then I go, so, you know, I go, so what's going on? What are you, and then he gives me the cut sign,

like cut it, stop. I, what the fuck is that? And then he goes, I gotta go. I go, what do you mean you gotta go? You told me you could stay. And he's like, no, I gotta go see my friends ban. I'm like, what the fucking go then? And then he gets up and just leaves and he's sweating profusely like I mean what the fuck

is going on bro? I mean I'm like you show up late and then you fucking leave early and you you mean what the fuck? Wow wow I'm in the lost for words right now. You set me up, Sneen. Sneed? Oh, this isn't on me, friend. Oh, it's on you. It's on, fuck, I told you. Who, I called you before the show and said this guy's on your cloud card. It's on you.

You're going to be after you had booked him. So you knew that he was fucking crazy now that's not true well what the fuck happened well i feel like i'm a bit on the defensive right now so i will say that when i put you in touch with him it was because he had an idea for uh... teaching a class to comedians on how to

don't say it don't say it don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. How do you use the past book? How do you use something else? I think that's what the problem was, is that he can't. What do you say, Kelly? He said that he was scared about losing his job. Because we talk about Dix and what else did we talk about?

We actually watched porn. Yeah, but it's news. Racism. It's news. It was it was the news the miss what's your name miss Delaware the Delaware caught on the point saying his name and saying where it works uh... sentence is an issue is that a problem john dandy works a facebook it might be i don't i wouldn't get that but maybe it is wow well dandy's work at first but it's going to be more than one

dandy that works at Facebook. It's far, I mean, here's the deal though, but... Didn't you say he was familiar? It looks like a tiny Jack Black. Didn't you say he was familiar with the show? He's familiar with you? But not my sh- My sh-

But he should know that I'm a fucking piece of shit, right? Dude, he thought he was getting paid to do a fucking- I mean, he knows I'm a piece of garbage. I'm on TV every other night on Conan. And he also said he didn't realize he was gonna be on the podcast and be in record. And so, he's teaching you a way to shut up. Yeah, you know, we can't, when she's fucking talking,

I can't hear you or her. When you understand that, Lewis, J fucking talk go mess. I was gonna push my toy. You know the person, you know the person who's fucking telling you shouldn't be on the show? It's me. I'm the one. Kelly, what are you saying? He said that he didn't realize when he was,

with the communication that he had with you, that he was gonna be on the air or be on the show. When he walked through the door, he thought he was just coming in here to meet you and talk to a few of us, blah, blah, he didn't realize he's gonna be on the podcast. He didn't think he was gonna be on the podcast Yeah, and I think when he sat down he thought everything's like hey, and then when his name and those work He was very like in the doorway. He was like

Grabbing he like grabbing was like please you need to edit it out I cannot there can be nothing there. There's that he was very very emotionally serious with me and It's a high high up at Facebook's. A way to come that up. SpaceX. You're the rock star games, are you? Rock star games? Hey, is he?

I don't know honestly. You might be a high up, it's his job. It's all of his money. Josh, do you know your friend at all? You don't know anything, we can help us. At all! job it's all of his money Josh do you know your friend at all at all well I mean like I said the way this all started was I wanted you wanted to teach a class to comedians on how the best way to use it so certain social media and rock stuff for me and then he told me you know he's in the york and he's tells me all the

community's fans of it was you and louis and jimmy and and then he said uh... louis ck night louis jay gov jay gov you're never known as louis dummy louis anderson and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and really Anderson uh... uh... alright

so i apologize i don't know that i would have given the given my words to make a good podcast or that you would be able to speak on your show on the record but uh... but i'm sorry that there's gone horribly or i yeah alright but i still love you, Josh. Oh, you're a sweetheart. Josh, what's your t-shirt?

What's that, that awesome t-shirt company you have? Look at meshirts.com. What is it again? Look at meshirts.com. Yeah, all right. Go lay, check out Josh's t-shirt. And if he's in your area, Josh, what is it, JoshNee.com, right?

That's right, buddy. Yeah, go to his website. One of the funniest guys working out there today, a true fucking comic in a good friend of mine. I forgive you for, I feel like now I'm going to, I'm going to wake up and he's going to be naked over me with a fucking knife. With an, with an f point painted on his face. Oh, shit, dude.

Look, man, I feel bad, but what the fuck, man, what the fuck gives a, all right, on his face that's shit that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that Yeah, he was a shiny as Lewis and Eric Rivera He can't fuck with our Facebook skinny God I hope not oh geez. Well, he doesn't work for them. So he would imagine anyone you're fired Oh, it's not Facebook. I mean, you know working for the Footbook Goodbye Go back to the podcast and just say Billy Goodbye Go back to the podcast and just say Billy Not whatever and then some kid named Billy that works

We had voice I'm a fucking dude. We should go through the we should go through the whole thing just put Bill Right we're gonna about dude book Billy from Twitter the whole podcast is he's peppered throughout the fucking thing Jesus Christ is gonna be a nightmare. Yeah, whatever do that's that's it That's on him that's not on anyone here. Take out his name look man Here's a deal. He didn't say anything to incriminate himself It was us talking. Yeah, if I made him say anything like that He didn't say one thing that was well admitted to me that he raped that chick But I do Lewis will you stop what what really you got to make it worse that's this isn't your shitty podcast

Oh whatever responsibility 100 people listen to that Josh I'm gonna go before a fucking dumb Lewis makes it worse I'll talk to you later you call Dan corporate Dan but as soon as somebody fucking crosses the invisible Bobby line then you start to freak out I can't talk about Jews can't talk about rape And what can I talk about that's actually called the fucking law That's called the fucking law

Three days in jail because I broke the invisible bobby line Is that the weirdest thing that's ever happened? So what do you do if you go back through and just say, put a different name for it? I can't. Look, man, what do you grabbed you and said, what? He's fucking sobbing out there. Is he crying?

Yeah. He wasn't crying, but he was like fucking shitting himself. Like, why? Because I saw it and I was like, dude, what's going on? You OK? Because the first I thought maybe that we started shit on him so bad that he just freaked out

was having an anxiety attack and had to leave. Did we shit on him that bad? No, we just shit on him at all. No, I thought he was great when he was playing character with you. Sure, I thought it'd bust him in the ear. And also, we weren't really talking to him about when the dicks and balls.

We didn't imagine him at all. It was news. And on top of that, it doesn't even matter. That's just crazy paranoia. Victor's the same bullshit. You're like, do nobody cares. Nobody cares. But Lewis, when you have a really good job with benefits,

you fucking have the fear of God in you that you never wanna lose that job. We've never had that before. What are you talking about? I have a plenty of really good jobs and I'm not afraid of losing a job because I know I can get another good job because I'm talented.

No. Wow, you really have great self-esteem for what you are. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Do you have to go? I got to go. There's one of the friends who's spinning at the bitter end. I got to. This one loses job at Audi. I hope he goes to the bitter end of the guy's going, give it up for that con from Facebook, my friend. And he has to leave there from where? From Fierder, dear.

Glenn, let's call him Glenn. Glenn from Duch book. Glenn from High Five. High five. You got to say it, High Five. Yeah. Glenn from High Five. That's the name of the show. Did you write that down? That's the name of the show. Did you write it down? book Lynn from high five high five that's it high five yeah friend from high five That's the name of the show. Did you write that down? High five. Did you write it down? Of course, yeah, I gave her a whole fucking lecture on the right shit that she will fucking just zone out

We're not talking about me. We're talking about Glenn from my life We got to get back to the fence though most of the stuff she writes down isn't good Most of she remembers and says over and over down the line I he said that could be a good name for this podcast when he said bubbly Beautiful a bobby line. Yeah, we've already had that. It was where he had this in a name you fucking What do you think we should do? Let's take a vote. It's gonna go around the road I think you gotta go some options. We're gonna take a dude vote. Let's go everyone's idea We vote for the best idea boom

You you just air it as is what do you do have a heart would you that's it just there and that is that's it you figure uh... facebook is going to do him with l.a. did to you last time l.a. kicked out of mexican jesus christian you know bad you have to be a comedy where but You're making it. You're making it. You know, bad you have to be a comedy. We're back. We're back.

You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it.

You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it.

You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. You're making it. 45 minutes late and we were texting you were texting with him like ages ago What was happening between the whole corporation is gonna be that touchy about him being on it 45 minutes They're not gonna last 45 minutes in the podcast. Yeah, yeah, I think I'm like, this is too edgy for us and cut it off Listen, and it's not like you're gonna promote him that he's on the show now. There you go We're not promoting them on fucking high fives on hot. Yeah, I thought you we're not promoting them on fucking high five on high. Yeah high five can suck a dick What do you think Joe? I think we go through all the way through and then I will personally do this

I don't know how to do the technology every time we say his name we just go I like something fun. We put it like you know the N word something cute, you know I just replaced the Danny with fucking Lewis going Whatever yeah, going what I wasn't actually gonna say it Jesus Jesus Christ No, I'm not saying that oh three fifths of the guests have said the end word What talking to the microphone what's the bathroom? What the fuck are you Danny? I'm sick of people whispering I'm like with the black out and then I

What are you? Go, go, go. Go. You little fucking thin douche. And here's the thing too, is I had to talk out of the microphone, would you bug me? Well, I think that is evidence that he didn't know he was not, because he never pulled the mic down.

Oh, maybe that. Clearly he's smart enough to know that you're talking to microphone, he never touched his mic. Okay, I think that he really thought that he was just sitting Give a seminar. All right. Go ahead. No, he's gonna give us he was coming to hang go ahead I'm not gonna say what I think we should do. I'm gonna say what I'm going to do which is Send this to Facebook and say listen in dude at stop 42.5 minutes Exactly when Danny your programmer. what's his last name Jesus Christ

comes in It's good if we go if we go with his thing wrong I have to fucking me for lunch Glenn from high five kills himself. Please. Thank you. You from Glenn to Glenn High five kills himself. Please don't kill you from Glenn to Glenn The worst thing in voice I've ever heard my Side note why kill you why did you post on Facebook the other day that you're looking for a voice coach? Wait a minute wait stop please hold that do not sorry high five listen listen I want to get I want to get the opinions of of of I want to get your opinion too, sweetie What do you think we should do? Don't talk to her like Danny, Duney, Duney, what's it?

I'm glad I'm glad for my five from my five It's clever my five I write it down Linda first of all how do you feel about all the end words had been thrown around today because it's uncomfortable No three and will you ever show me one breast just while I'll put in for my baby comes out For the baby. Yes What what do you think we should do? Did that weird you out? Yeah, why was it weird tell me why it was weird as a civilian? I didn't know what was going on, but I could see it in his face

But you could say you're thinking left because he was having an anxiety tech. Oh, yeah Did you capture it on film? Yeah, I really think I take and I think it was when I was also I'm filming As much evidence as possible I'm not gonna get a guy fired. I refuse to go down that road. Oh my god. Because he said he was walking down everything. Stop ripping down everything, you fucking little Guatemalan.

Typical. Because when he walked out, he was like, I'll make sure I'm not. I was like, dude, I didn't even have you last night. I'm not gonna be like tweeted in anything. And then I realized he was talking about the crap. Oh wait, we weren't supposed to tweet that? No. Glenn from MyFive. So we, all right, look at, I'm not getting, look at, it's MyFault. I did it.

This is the second week in a row. I'm giving all the guests the civilian people are going through you now. Yes, that'll be great. And you're going to vet them. Yeah, I will. I'll be very good at it. Because when we had John Lashon who was great, but it took me like 20 me. He wasn't saying anything. And then I was like, Oh, you can't because you're on PG 13 TV.

You can't be involved in huge cocks with the will. So Vince is huge dick. I will never give up huge cocks. You know what I mean? And I was a guest. I can't. So then once we did that, we could go back in and out of conversation between him. But if I knew that about him of Glenn from High Five, I would have just been like, look, just sit there and relax and have fun. We would have cleared the seat off and he could have hung. If that's the case, I mean, maybe that's what he wanted.

And I threw him in the hot seat, which is not good for anybody. I don't think, and I don't want to get anybody in trouble. Because God forbid, I don't think we said it. I don't think we said anything, but you know what he still could get three N words Dude shut up It's what we said just shut up. He didn't say anything bad. You know what dude? He said like he wasn't totally yeah, he didn't say anything bad

Yeah, we said the bad stuff. That's what I'm saying. You do have a corporate job that pays and you young It's like the most it's like this really young kid, you know PC job and you're in a room with a bunch of people saying the N word and talking about Dix and Dix and what the fuck man. But he wouldn't say where he was, because we were like, why are you folding his sleigh? He's like, I was doing this thing.

Because he was at high five studios, obviously. Is that work? He was at high five, I guess. Well, I don't know, dude. He was at stand-up. I'm pretty sure he does. I'm not. He's done it before. He does stand-up. Yeah, I I don't know do it stand up. I'm pretty sure he does I've done it before he does stand up Yeah, I asked my city spices very familiar and you know

It's five o'clock. I saw him so I'm at a fucking people restaurant I was at a laundry bed doing two minutes for a bucket and I was at a cookie shop when they louis side She did a really good mug bobby didn't even know she did a college easy. She did a college and She got paid first of all I want to go back to your point Kelly all right, we're gonna I say I vote right now. We're gonna try to beep Dan out Yeah, the video we're gonna get him out of the video. This stuff is gold. I need you to right now to say To say a couple beeps No at the end we'll do it.

I think you replace it with what? Look at the chicken sound. Maybe the N word, it's already out there. No, it's gonna be a 500 N word. Rob's brain is gonna laugh. Then I get in trouble, but for real, from Oprah. Rob's brain is gonna love listening to this episode and like every time something happens,

we're gonna rock sound, it's gonna be the best fun I know I ever for him. We have to have a different sound for Facebook and a different sound for Danny. It's gonna love listening to this episode and like every time something happens we're gonna fuck our oxan It's gonna be the best Friday night ever for him. We have to have a different sound for Facebook and a different for San for Danny It's fine. Dude, we stop. I'm not kidding. No, we're in a bar now. We'll be right now. We decided listen Stop because now every time you say the stupid fucking word someone has to say Greg from high five Danny Dude stop it. I'm gonna throw fucking me. I bet I Dude stop it. I'm gonna throw fucking me. I bet it Loosen that I don't know in the crew that's killed the hooker like guys. We're into far now. We got a barrier

You kill there. Yeah, no, he's Listen, I want to know why when put your phone down you fucking piece of shit. I'm looking up Kelly's post actually Oh, okay, what what was it? She's right here. Just say what you saw. I saw she posted, I'm looking for, if anybody knows a good voice coach in New York, let me know.

I'm looking for one. I'm serious. Why? Because I sang for 10 years and I want to sing again, so I'm looking to someone to just try to watch again. Not for nothing? Not for nothing. That I was a voice coach for five years.

Really? How do you professional whistle up? 10 years, I was a champion whistle from 1999, 1998, 99 and 2001. I skipped the year because I took. So you're going to go through my scales with me? Well, what I'm saying is that I would like to hear your pipes right now and see what I'm working with.

I can help. Well, that's the, I can help. Listen right now and see what I'm working with. Sing to any boy. That's the... I... Listen. My favorite tune. I'm not sure. Sure. I get together before.

Just before you said that was a terrible thing for me. I want to hear something to know what I'm dealing with. Well, my problem with my voice is that I have no jewels. So I can't sing. Are those like, lichers? My problem with it is the things you say You know just I want to hear a little bit I'm so you're gonna hear like me. Yeah, give me some I want to hear a song go come on

Oh Danny boy the pipes the pipes are calling Really ten years from Come on, keep going. Don't listen to him. Do not listen to him. You go. I'll almost sing a competition with her right now. I'll fuck her world up. All right, let's go.

Let's do it. And whoever wins, whoever fucking wins, get the prize. I love it. Can I be in on it too? Yes. Yeah. Really good singer. Yeah.

Whoever wins, get the fucking prize. I already know what he's doing. Why do we sing it? We'll do different songs. We'll sing the songs we sing. Let's go. All right, who's that first? Kelly, do you want to go first? I thought Kelly went first.

Do you want to go first or not? You just keep on. And you're standing on the show. How you going? With a bobby line. Are you going first? First of all, Kelly already went. I know. That's where it's not in you.

I'll go first. I hang on. Tell me what you want me to sing. I want you to pick the song. Right want you I want you to pick the song All right, I'm gonna go Joe. Do you have a stage name? What do you have a stage name? No, Joe list? I'm fucking multi-talented whatever Multi-talented my multi-faceted Joe list. Yeah Welcome, am I ready welcome to the show hello everybody? Joe list. Yeah, welcome. Are you ready? Welcome to the show. Hello everybody This is called the vocals. You may know, but this is a different version. I put a little attention And I turn around if I like it ready

Really it you look like a white sealo you really do That was a funny one Kelly mark that down and put it on a wall. Finally, fucking two years in, she said something. Are we ready? When do I start? Right now, go. Right. On top of old smoky.

A covered in snow. Ding. I lost my true love. You're on Bob's team. Bycording to slow. That's good. I like it. I'll sing the whole song if you'd like.

No, I'm good. All right. All right. No, no, no, we're good. We're good. We're good. All right, right? Louis J. Gomez.

Louis Gomez. Louis Gomez. We should all give predictions on what we think it's going to be, because I think this is going to be the biggest piece of shit. I think it's gonna be the biggest piece of shit I think it's gonna be hitrocious I think it's gonna look a tranny singing at night gonna be like Tom weights after fucking White drops the end bomb. Why too much hey Eric? Are you did you a blood sugar go down? You haven't spoken 20 minutes a pocket lip I will say good pins now back and now listen to the singing

I wish Greg was still here and you left My god you stink on a podcast tail on a podcast. I don't see this nonsense. I want to send Eric back to LA. Jesus. On my own pretending he's beside me all alone, I walk with him to morning, And without him I feel his arms around me, And when I close my eyes and I am lost, And pavement shines like silver. All the lights are misty in the river. Oh, my. Two things, I think. When Lewis dies, which could be any minute,

we're going to like play that. I'll be like, tribute, and then everyone will be crying. Second, you have a nice voice when you sing but ever the start of every line has like your shitty Tomorrow tomorrow you started as I love you You started as a monster in every sense Kelly you ready? That was really good. I mean joking great. Louis dig vocal lessons I was in drama side of the world. Yeah, but it was in fucking the East Harlem. It doesn't count Your rough car as we never see no you had your chance Joe close. What's that?

Jesus Christ you Broadway They know listen you did nobody they chose their own songs Kill it don't sing your jokes. It'll be better Hello, I'm from Australia and I shit my pants and my pussy smells like my beer And this accent hello all right Midwesten I Ready let's go. Come on fat fingers Pot-kettle fat I don't know what to sing. Okay, what what you know, give me something to sing. Be easier. No, I mean I've sing three songs

Yeah, I'm gonna sing right now. Okay. I'll sing all right. Okay. Okay. I see trees that are green Wow, do not stop if you stop. Okay, all right. Red roses too. I watch their bloom for me and you. And I think to myself what a wonderful. That was good man. I mean it was in a different key, but it was good dude. Fuck what are you gay? That was fucking great don't push them Michael. Hey. Can you sing Eric? No, I can't not at all not at all

Nobody in the room can sing it. I just fucking sing a song. I know you get a sing know you sing now you sing and then me I'll go after you go ahead Pick a song pick a song My fine. There's no way I'm letting a black girl sing. She'll kill us all Mariah she's gonna well out some hori. Yeah Yeah, we shall overcome. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Good Joel Never wanted to fill a fucking pillowcase up with coke before All right, I'll sing ready Don't stop And hold on to that fill a and in street lights and people

How's that? How is that? No, you know, you know the last note. Thank you. Who now? You came in fourth I came in behind the Guatemalan All right, listen man. This has been a fucking weird show. Oh, was it over? Yeah. Well, usually when I say this, it goes around 45 more minutes longer. But what do you have nothing to do? No, I got a set of 11.

Oh, sorry. I have other shit to do. I have a pregnant wife at home cooking fucking food. Right. We're going hiking together. So what is she doing? We're going to go camping, not hiking. Oh, let's camp.

I'm going to spit in my hand. she doing? We're gonna go camping not hiking. Oh, let's camp. I'm gonna spit in my hand. Oh boy. I can't wait. Yeah, this is a weird fucking show man. Weird fucking show. I've never I feel I feel bad but mad What I feel two different things. I feel like like I like it's not my fault like what the fuck it's a show you know and then I feel bad too You know what I mean? I mean like It's not my fault like what the fuck it's a show you know and then I feel bad too You know what I mean? I mean like Maybe I shouldn't had Kelly come on back in the day, but I feel bad enough that I don't want to kick her off now You know what I mean you's older to me. That's no I mean I mean I mean get What's the verdict Eric? I mean to the day on Sunday. Do you think I did poorly? You didn't bomb. Yeah, I didn't bomb. Wow.

I didn't kill, but I didn't bomb. That's the worst way. Did you ever describe my status? Hey, I didn't bomb. You know what it is, is that, and you look good. I use older than me. She shows up on time. I could.

Which by the way, bugged me because you showed up an hour early. I know, Kelly really is. She's a fucking old and beautiful. I was still in my apartment. I got a text, hey mate, which that bugged me right there. I'm here already so whenever you're in the area I'll say it's got to be light outside when she goes on stage otherwise the doors are off she can't enter she can't enter a club for the night if it's not light at the first one Kelly Kelly does Kelly she used to do in. She gets the lunch spot. It's a much lesser check.

Kelly warms up before the host of the open mic. Kelly calls me at like five. What are you doing? I just got up saved. I'm going over right now. You always call me when I'm napping. Every time I'm like, what are you doing? I just got up sage, mate. I'm going over right now. You always call me when I'm napping. Every time I'm trying to napping, I go like 45 minutes, I've slipped four hours. Always trying to napping, you fucking soul broad. In between work and shows. I know Kelly is a hard worker. But I'm always sad.

Kelly, you do the audience nap. I'm not all in it. The color of the night pool of comedy. I'll ride that one down, shall I?'ll you should the thorough flow of fucking jokes. The nighttime therapy. Hey, I had a good set last night. That's what I'm early. Yeah.

Yeah, which also I'm upset. She dressed up for your show didn't dress up for this gig. She looked almost homelessly. That's what Kelly does on shows. That's her thing. Show up almost homeless. I felt bad for radio. I actually I

When I tell you about it, I'm looking good here Can I say something when you show up at a college gig or a professional show that if you look good People gonna like you off the bat if you look like you just came from Australia They didn't give out the medals for the special Olympics to last night I was just came from work, so I did, like I can't go home and get changed and stuff. All right, well, you could go to a bathroom at a mobile and freshen up your box.

Come on. It's a little port of a show. I'm not going to fuck these 18-year-olds. You don't know if they want to go to school. And then you're born. The difference is, you're a boring person. Difference between you and everyone else in the room. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We are enough with her not getting laugh. She, let's, can I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, he was like, she followed you, well, you know what happened. No, I don't see, well, she didn't follow me. She wouldn't have killed if she followed me. She was four of the comics checks, then her. I was checks. You were checks. Yeah, and he did checks, but...

I did well. I wish you get you a shirt that says check spot Kelly. You know, it was really nice. She'd be like a referee shirt. It was really nice, as I came off stage, this guy stopped me, like grabbed my arm and stopped me and I was like, yeah. And he's like, oh my god, he goes, are you on Robert Kelly's podcast? And I was like, yeah.

And he was like, I can't believe you're here. Like, he was so sweet. And he goes, she knows how to get me on the side. Yeah. And he goes, you know, he goes, I can't believe that I just saw you do stand up. He goes, they, shit on you for not being funny, he goes, you are so fucking funny. Can I get a photo with you this cocksacka lucked out one note of the one out of the

other's cocksacka liked out when you did good and it's our fault what's he doing there he should be at the seller but not the fans all sold out but yeah he said that he goes they shit on you all the time he goes but I saw it and now took a photo with him and he put it up on time she's sitting on you all the time he goes, but I saw it and now took a photo with him and he put it up on Tell him what I'm shitting on you. We're being honest We're your friends. Remember that 50 minutes. He said that it goes on. Yeah All right Kelly, did you do better at the college gig than the riot cash show or better at the riot cash show than the college gig?

All right cash I do a lot better I do love it. I'm gonna set me open that one. Show, you really missed a great show, man. Yeah, it was so sad that you weren't there. And Danny should have been there too. Soda should have been there. Oh, but Danny's from High Five. We have to blip that.

It's sprang from High Five, yes. I did whip lash last night. You ever do that show? No, it was retard. It was retardant. Whiplash is awesome. I hosted it was the best set of ever had cold up front the greatest crowd ever And I don't know why Kurt Madskar is fucking with those people. Well, that's a different. I'm kidding Oh makes me so mad though with whip lash. It's like they're one of the easiest rooms

Because such a generous crowd. Yeah, it's like those shows. It's impossible not impossible, but it's not possible to get on crowd. Yeah, it's like those shows it's impossible not impossible, but it's not possible to get on. It's not impossible for you guys. There you go. So I'm glad you backed out of that conversation. Because we weren't going to we weren't we weren't going to what's the difference with a great crowd and easy crowd job. I don't believe it in easy crowd. That doesn't make sense. It's easier. Your job is easier if they're just laughing. If they're up for it. That's a crowd. Listen Kelly, we did your fucking four comics in the're up for it. That's a crap, listen Kelly, we did your fucking four comics in the room watching you perform, it's not great.

I mean, there are jokes that don't hit. Like if a joke's not good, they're not laughing. To me, easy and great crayons ends up the same thing. I don't know, I've never heard of an easy crayon. They're easy, they just play every joke that you have written hits. So it's great, they're great crayons. Who's on first, what's on second, this is my- is my I understand what Kelly's saying and I understand what you're saying great jokes and they're laughing

There was some jokes that got nothing. Well, you're that's what I mean. It wasn't easy Kelly's point was this But they were easy. Okay, both of you fucking kids stop it. You just completely Stop it. Listen off your father Fathers Listen up your father fathers I'm gonna take this a cut when you get this adopted song. I'm gonna take him out. No, yeah, friend is playing a something at the bitter end I gotta go. Oh my God. He's Job Glenn That's what this show is just creepy. By the way, this show got good a half an hour ago. All right. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna get out of here. I'm gonna have to. It was, you gotta go, right?

Yes, soon. All right, listen to me. Guys, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you, Bob. Thanks for having us, Bob. Thank you. Do you guys wanna do another show this week? I might need another one.

Yeah, I'm always gonna come back. Yeah, I'd love to. Maybe Kelly wanna hook one up for Thursday. Okay. Thursday? Next week is the year anniversary, the first time I did this show. Really?

Yeah, we should have had a big deal. Oh, let's not make a big deal of it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Kelly is on fire today. That was pretty funny. Oh, she's never gotten two laughs. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

That was just fucking, that came out. That was fucking just fertile and funny. I was trying to make a big deal of it at all. Haha. There's a Joe's fucking small eye tear up. I know, I was moved by the... If you draw Joe's face, it literally is just three dots in a nose. Ah, he's a snowman!

Kelly's on fire! Kelly's on fire! For the first time ever! Look at all the snowman! What's the snowman though? Do I have a top hat? I mean you're fucking two coals for a piece of coals for highs It's just you with round daughter surprise snowman around things made a snow Like it let you know what it doesn't matter if it makes sense. I don't care for it. No don't eat get strung We liked it and we laugh. Fuck you Joe. We took it. I would say for count as little Adam

That little thing that goes up and down on his neck. No Joe. We're a great crowd a great Kelly Kelly can't get on in front of this crowd, but it's a great great. Let me tell you something Kelly's never made me laugh. So she's doing great Lucia brings it down to Earth again. You really are a balloon killer. You stop speaking for everybody ever. Really anyway. I mean, I can't wait to get that done. Oh no!

Oh no! Jo was back. Eric Hayes, somebody fucking tap Eric. Pitch and cheek. Oh God, you stink on this show. What happened? What do you mean what happened? Oh, no? You fucking died on me. I didn't die. I said shit. No, we wish you were dead. Wow

Too far. He's gonna be a mindset. Sorry, bro. I'm right. I'm crying because he's Spanish. Yeah But it's a different Spanish. No race denier. So yeah, he's really he's more fucking American. You're more central American now I was born here now, but you're people you can see by the height in the hands He's got Spanish in him you got fucking that little the little people Yeah, the fucking you're like a jockey and he's like your horse I take that agree I agree to only cuz. I agree too. Only because of his dick. All right.

So I got to do March 15th. I'm doing that. I mean, look, I'd have you guys come, but Jesus Christ. I got to pay it and put you up and get you out there. I don't know if I can get that on this one. Are you flying? Are you driving? Well, you have to pay for the driving.

I'm flying. I'm sorry, I'm flying. I can say what Joe's parents. I'm flying to- They'll say what Joe's parents. I'm flying to say with Joe's parents I'm flying I can get a place for Lewis to stay. Don't get a local act bring one of these guys Yeah, don't support the local Boston community of which you came out of That's what I do like though. That's when I met you as I let local guys from Boston go up in front of me I know I'm gonna get the other gig now you're an asshole. You're right there. I don't know, come in and open for me.

I'm not gonna run out and get, I'd be too dressed. Ooh. It's right up the street. It's just fucking, it's, it's, it's, it's, root one. It's twenties away. I know, yeah, but the parking in the city's nuts and then the fucking thing on the parade.

You park right at the fucking will, but right there. Yeah, I tried to park in that fucking area. It's a nightmare and I get up and, no, you park right next to the will, but I get you right in and you pull right out. Can you just say park one more time? Joe you should try to do it a big great crowd Yeah, yeah, what me a great crowd joke, but I feel I mean I'm headlining the show up there

I got two shows the Calune what time you gotta go on what time you gonna be there? I don't know eight and ten So you do you'll be out of there by fucking my shows at seven you'd be out of there by fucking, my show's at seven, you'll be out of there by seven, thirty, seven, fifteen. Fuck you, do it, don't let me do it. You're headlining. I'll figure it out. If I can make it happen, you get out there by seven, thirty. Yeah, of course.

You get for that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Bob, do you have anything you need moved on the 15th? I do, because I will. I actually do need your help. Oh. I'm, I gotta put a bed from my house to storage. Can you help me with that?

On the 15th, when there's that awesome show that you're doing, fucking a theater, dude. I look at here as well. You're done, you should come to the Kahlu. Here's what I'm gonna do. You're a guestie for me. I might. I might do that, can I do that?

Yeah. I would love to do that. Like under 10, no crowd work. But you can't tell anybody. Even though we just told a lot of people. There's 10,000 people. I don't know if it's in my car after I can after my show We'll see what happens. I'm gonna try to get you on we get that part out to either

Be it yeah, Greg up from high five will I feel bad now. Should I feel bad? No, that's always me I get time out. What are you gonna do for me? You just interrupted from him going You know what I'm gonna do for you dude? And then you fucking interrupted and now he's on Greg from high five again I didn't interrupt you know I'm not gonna do not the feel don't do it because I'll tell Push the mod if I don't do what whatever you're about to do Cuz I often I was gonna do something for you one day and you go dude. I got a job pays me 85,000 a year I get better. I'm fine with the fuck dude. I was like

That's what happened that's my head. I went like. Fuck man. That's that's better than my real dude I want to quit my fucking dumb job. Let me tell you something. That's not what happened. Hold on Let me say $85,000. Let me hear what you work. You don't make 85 Facebook nice Say it again. I'm never having what I work. I'm the latter work there. That's not a problem I work at a gym. I sell gym members. You guys go to tweedaudio.com 33% off all headphones. Right now, use the code word dude. Dude, get your headphones.

Get your fucking headphones. Buy more than one pair. Very cheap when you add that 33% off and free shipping. Go to tweedaudio.com. Use the code word dude. Buy a bunch of pairs. Buy three, four pairs, give them away, have them, you can lose them, they're only fucking, they're so cheap and

they're so good, greatest headphones for the money, durable, lasting and the sound, I've used them, and you know I wouldn't stare you wrong because I'm a fucking tech geek, the sound is amazing with these headphones, it's perfect for the city, train, travel, working out, and you know if you lose them, you forget them, you don't have to fucking freak out, they want $100. They were very cheap with 33% off. Code word, dude, twick.io.com, go there now. D, and DUDE?

DUDE. All right, so I'm getting good at these promos, huh? That was fucking great. By the way, if anyone here looks like a snowman, it's Bobby. But, uh, I'm just, I'm a head-toed sheep. I'm a head-toed sheep here looks like a snowman, it's Bobby. But, uh, I'm a shaped wise. You have a little round collar, please. Do you have a collar?

I have a round. You have a round. You have dark eyes. No, Bobby's shadow looks like a snowman shadow. Yeah, I have the shape of a shaman. Your face is a snowman. Snowman. Yeah.

Don't, just don't let it go. Let it go. Okay, flamingo kid. That's not me. I don't know, you're reminding me go let it go okay flamingo kid I don't know you're marrying Matt Dylan a flamingo kid Not your face your body No, I just got something from fucking Facebook you have been deleted You mean high five high five. I want to get airy shifters in town. Can we get him on the show for Thursday? I don't know how to contact him

i'll contact him on high five just yeah just hall rager what are you guys what are you guys coming up uh... what is this come out uh... this is coming up monday uh... i'll be in the city uh... what's i ever heard i come all may first may first i'll be at uh... the comedy zone jacksonville florida may May? May first. Wow. Okay. But I got a bunch of schools. I'm not gonna promote the schools.

Right that dad. I'm kidding. I'm gonna show up. Dude, I'm fucking kidding, relax. Can you somebody open for you at those colleges that's not gonna bomb? I'm not. What are you doing?

I gotta do that school again. How much April? How much is it? How much is it? How much you paying your own press? I was gonna give it 50. I was gonna give it 50, but then I could make change so I gave it $60.

$50, Jesus. It's here in the city, where you going? Oh, you're gonna be setting? You're doing like $5, 10 million. Oh, she's never making it. You're making thousands. Easy, easy. I got a baby, formula expensive.

You give a shit, you give $100, you got to give it to get it. How much I never give you $50? Well, you never give me, yeah you did. When we did that school in Columbia. Columbia University. Columbia University. Columbia University. That was not 50. You're out of your mind.

That was over a hundred. Never paid you under a hundred dollars. But 98, I mean, was that delicious? Oh, but then I drove you there too. Doesn't matter. You should drive me. Yeah, we met there. Shofa, listen there.

I ain't bomb, I did it, that's good. Tell me, she has. Anyway, so it made me say it, shut up, Eric Rivera, listen. She did okay. She did okay. I ain't bomb. I did it. That's good. She had. Anyway, so hard to. I just had it. Shut up. Eric Rivera. She did okay. She didn't bomb.

She didn't kill. You called me right after the show. Twice. That was funny. In the beginning, the students were having a time with her accent. They just, they didn't understand her a little bit. And then a lot of it just sounds like she's asking questions. Where is she from?

My name is Kelly. First of all, what's the show you killed that last night? What's the club? Greenwich. And who, and dusted the manager said what he said he saw me when i was six months into new york and he goes on she needs time she needs time because it's a lot of speed it up and really glad that's your problem you to where to go get the news he's like a way to i want to start working you that's it you're in a club

can't stay but she's in a club her first club in New York City i fucking a congratulate her yesterday i invited her to go hang out there last night good for you there you go there you go so good for cali cali what do you go coming up uh... i'm like when it's village next to the jacks i emailed him and i'm in a big back yet so i might never get back there yeah again um... also i was looking at porn

uh... i've got underbelly on the 16th of March and we're going to two year anniversary show coming up at the Creek and then came. So that is one not to be missed. Can Kelly, could you just one time say I have underbelly always and that be the only blog? No, I mean, kind of, I have a go off the show, it'll be bad, but I don't know. Someone booked me somewhere and I'll do it.

I have been, I've got, I've got rejected from like I just froze someone just rejected from all of the festivals. I just was like not me don't look at me. All right, Liz. I'll be at the Wilbur Theater on the 15th of March. I was trying to hide behind my own cutout, but I don't fit anymore. All right, Lewis. Lewis, what are you going to be? What the fuck is that Lewis guy? What do you got? Tomorrow night Tuesday March 12th levity live this guy headlines first time up in Rock and Count of you have hometown two thumbs You point yourself at two thumbs again. I'll break one of them. I'm not afraid of you Bob. I'd love to fight you

I'll be honest break his thumbs like I told Bob, why don't we get some fucking head gear and just throw that out of the... Why head gear? Oh, why head gear? Bare knuckle, hand-stipped and live bees. What do you think it's gonna be a fair fight you're out of your mind? First of all, I'm gonna tackle you.

I'm gonna try it. I'm just gonna bite and screw this. I have a sick guard. You know that. I'm gonna suck your dick. Hmm. Hey. I won't even guard.

Tomorrow night and then when you come and when you're weakest, I'm gonna fucking punch dick Hey, I won't even go on tomorrow night And then when you come and when you're your weakest, I'm gonna fucking punch you in your nose And that's how I would that's how I come twice what he's talking about You know my secret I got ahead levity live tomorrow night too Jesus Christ. She doesn't care fucking Glenn from Richmond of high five left Now Kelly's gone Eric has that he's left mentally. It's just me, it's just us three. Do you want to link down to funny? That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

That's right. Joe's doing his fucking killing chicken dance. Oh, it's his flappy arms. That's what he's doing. Kelly flappy arms. So, yeah, tomorrow night, levity live, March 12th, 8 p.m. show. If you go to the show and you're a fan of this show, I want you to scream out when he comes out.

You can't. No, I want you to scream out. Why KWD when he comes out? So he knows that you're there and then shut your face and laugh. Yeah. Let him know that you guys are there supporting him. Go up to him after the show, let him know he did okay. And let him know he was there.

That's what it really is. If you're in the Rock and Westchester New Jersey area, it's one of the best clubs in the country, and they're opening up a bunch of them. So fucking go there. What a footy and also you know what actually in New York City Oh, it's coming up Monday never mind. There's a new room that opened up. That's pretty dope where it's called LOL and why where it's it's in the Times boards and our upstairs on the fourth floor They just have a room. It's booked out every night the comedy. Yeah comedy shows who's doing that?

Gotham Wayne Rada Wayne Rada that evil motherfucker Jesus. All right. What do you got? I got I got my big one-man show Thursday March 14th at the Creek in the cave It's free. It's in Long Island City one stop past time square on the 7th. I'm gonna be talking about Going to Peru and last comic standing and herpes and shooting in a girl's shoe and it's a lot of fun It's gonna be fucking awesome. It's gonna be just fucking awesome. It sounds like a Friday. What's the title of that? Oh, the title is, they will be pigs.

Right, looks great. Come by Thursday, Creek in the Cave. It's the biggest thing of my whole life. So, it's gonna be, the show at the Creek is the biggest thing in your whole life. I don't tell Glent Suze at all. And things everything. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

So, yeah, come to that. Sorry, my plug made you sad, fuck. No, I literally am trying to shake Linda's tits out of my head right now, because I just looked over, I saw them and I went off in fantasy land. I imagine her pulling one out with one hand, like a woman trying to breastfeed in public,

just scooping your tits out. Don't you love black nipples too, look, there's nothing to do. I've never seen a black nipple on my salt I've never seen one linda you never fucking black just like I've never seen it shut up sorry I've never seen a black nipple under ever in my life what does it look like yeah can I see an area all of the show on the top of your area like the difference between dark chocolate and milk chocolate

70% cow is it a hug a Hershey's hug listen, so Oh, you think a shit I come to the show. Yeah come come in when is it Thursday March 14th? I'm in Boston no for the 14th Thursday. You know they're all weekend. Yeah, I mean I'm in South myself West and I fly directly To Boston to do press on do it again So what time do I make we please let me know? I'll let you know first You guys if you guys in New York City long Island Island, New Jersey, make the trip to this. Support all our shows. We do this for free, but the pay office that you come and see us live, you come and see us do our comedy, because that's how we pay the bills, and that's what we really do.

So we hope you enjoy this show. Thank you for supporting the YKWD, but also thanks for supporting all the comics that come on here for nothing and give their time to hang out, be funny with you. If you want to go see my shows, March 5th, I'm gonna be at the Wilba Theater, March 15th. March 15th, sorry, thank you. So I got one show. So make sure you buy tickets now, grab a friend, grab your chick, grab a fucking tranny, whatever you gotta do, get your tickets and show up also the nasty show at Southwest that's already done yeah well you know with there now so you were if you're an

Austin at Southwest Southwest Southwest and you have a badge please come to our show the nasty show at Estefali's me Jay a Aisha Tyler, this is a normal, Mark Norman, whatever, a bunch of people. It's gonna be a great show. Seriously, check it out. It's tomorrow night. And also, I'm gonna be in Rhode Island in March, right after Boston, the week after Boston,

I'll be in Rhode Island for all your Rhode Island fans. So, there you go, robkelliLive.com. Don't get my app on my award-winning app. If you want to know all my dates, you get my app from iTunes for the iPhone. As soon as you turn it on, if I'm 100 miles within the area of you, my date will pop up. So you know I'm going to be near you. The podcast is on there. So you don't have to download it.

It's always right on there. My YouTube channel for the YKWD is on there which we put all these videos that we do here that beautiful Linda does and I put some of my own personal videos up there too every once in a while so you can check that out. It's free again, right cast app? Free again all 12 shows free again. Make sure you do that and if you haven't reviewed and subscribed to the show on iTunes, you are seriously a fucking cunt. So go there. It's one button.

Hit subscribe. It's no big deal. Hit subscribe and review us. It helps us out. Again, thanks for supporting the show. Blah blah blah blah. Hammer fisting. I'm actually going to put Danny from Facebook over that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and then for the rest of the weekend I am opening for Dana Gold. Please come out particularly to the March 13th show

if you can, that would mean a lot to me. Thank you very much. And here's a deal, Janice, you might know this too. People who listen to the show might not know who Phil is, but you will in a week. This is called a pre-plug. It's never been done before. Oh really? I'm honored. It's never been done. You don't know this, but Phil was on the show in a week from now,

but he has one show for the year, and it was apparently before this show he was on. So you don't know who he is now? You turn. Who the fuck's Phil? Phil, what's your last name? Phil Henley. Phil Henley. Finhan, do you have a website? I do Phil Henley.com and have a Twitter too.

There you go. What's the Twitter? Phil underscore Henley. There you go. So follow him and you don't know him yet because you haven't heard him on the show Because this one came out now, but go see him. If you're in San Francisco, go see him and go dude I hear you're on the podcast dude. So he knows that you heard him on here. All right, dude, I heard you're on the podcast, dude. So he knows that you heard him on here, all right? Support him.

Support all these guys on the show, including myself. Go see us live. Listen to the show for free, but go buy a ticket, see us live. That's how you show your love for us, because that's what we do. And Phil is at the San Francisco punchline. My favorite, one of my favorite clubs in the single country.

I love San Fran and that club, it reminds me of the Comedy Cellar. So make sure you go see him there and support Phil, even though you don't know him yet. If you have any questions or constructive criticism or suggestions for the YKWD podcast, please send them to YKWD at riotast.com. Those emails go directly to us. We look at them all. So if you have You know some titty pics of your wife or girlfriend or pictures of your own vagina, please send them to ykwd at ricast.com We look at them all. We take all your suggestions to heart and we try to implement them

Not really, but we do like the email. So any guest suggestions, anybody you want to see on the show, all that shit, YKWD at riotcast.com. Make sure you support our sponsors, Amazon and Game Fly. Amazon, go to riotcast.com, click on the what dude podcast page. There's an Amazon link click on it Buy what you're gonna buy close groceries hovercraft electronics Whatever the fuck you're gonna get get it through that link you're getting us money You're getting Amazon money and you're saving money and getting the shit you need so make sure you use the Amazon link on the you know What dude podcast site on riotcast. So make sure you use the Amazon link on the You Know What Dude podcast site on riotcats.com. And if you're a video game guy,

go to gameply.com slash YKWD. Join through that link. You're gonna get two weeks free. It's saving a lot of money. And then you can fucking cancel if you want or you can stay on, which you should, and get games sent to your house. You don't have to go buy them and spend the $60

and find out the game stinks. Get it through Gamefly first, check it out, and if you like it, you can buy it through Gamefly. It's an easy, really easy, great way to play video games and not spend a million dollars a month because new games come out every month before you know it you spent like a $300 on two of the games stink or you're already blew through them already it's done if you're a story mode asshole and you don't play multiplayer so go to Gamefly.com slash

YKWD join up for a couple weeks, check it out. You're gonna love it, I guarantee it. Gamefly.com slash YKWD. If you're a fan of YKWD podcast, I want you to do me a favor. I want you to go right now and download, if you have an iPhone or an iPad, the free Riot Cast app. And if you don't, just go to Riotcast.com,

or go to Stitcher, and check it out if you have an Android phone. And I want you to check out all the other shows. My wife hates me. Jim Florentine's Comedy Mental Midgets. Weird medicine with Dr. Steve. The glory hole with Rob Sprance, Comedy Cell alive from the table. The Bailey J Show with Matt,

the Davey Mack Sports Program. Why you sucking bed, from the table. The Bailey J show with Matt, the Davey Max Sports program. Why you suck in bed, mad scientist party hour, the Jersey jerks, and the Hammer Fisting MMA podcast. It's free. It's hours and hours and hours of entertainment for nothing. That's what we give you at Riotcast. So go and support the other shows, tell your friends about it, spread the word. This is the fucking most amazing podcast network. So if you love my show, go support the other shows.

Okay, go and check them out. Riotcast.com app for iPhone and iPad, Android is coming soon, get Stitcher if you have an Android phone, or just go to ryecast.com. And go to iTunes, subscribe to my show and the other shows, and leave a review. You don't understand that this shit's free, and that helps a lot.

Okay, you keep us in the top 100, maybe get us to the top 20, I don't know, maybe the top 10, and that's when other people see that, and they check out the show and it feeds itself. That's how that works. So please review iTunes and make sure you subscribe. Spread the word. You guys are fantastic. Thank you so much. You are so beautiful. To me. beautiful to me You know what we did? From this rock side of our sudden

You know what we did? We really did, really, really, really You know what we did? From this dark stick Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com

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