Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Gotta Molest

Episode Date: April 10, 2017

Description: This week on YKWD: Robert Kelly brings in Guests DC Benny, Mark Normand, Mike Lebovitz and Dave Temple! We get into a heated debate over big butts verse big boobs, is Kim Kardashians butt just too big!? We also dive into images of belly button ulcers and get into peaceful parenting and whether hitting is an option when raising kids, all the dads weigh in! Watch/Listen/Enjoy this week's YKWD!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network. Riotcast.com off the podcast that you're listening to right now. It's garbage. Who is it? Is it Rich and Bonnie or fucking Nick the Pollo or some other piece of Bob Kelly garbage? Turn it off and get on the chip chippers and pod the cast. The one you're listening to stinks. This person is not good at making pod the cast. I am. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a claustrophic The Mike asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret? Can I get a microphone? That was trying to keep it like a comic-can

I have a bunch of guys on it's just us sitting down Yeah, and sometimes it's hilarious sometimes it's ten no topics no directions. I love doing it Side to the coin. That's how it all holds the stars you love apart. I don't want to do anything. My podcast is popular enough where I might affect some of these lives. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you for another week. Oh my god. I smell like flowers and roses. Oh, you smell like B.O. I know. I just had Lauren

put this piece of paper on it. It smelled like deodorant and B.O. It's a lot of me. Nothing worse. I'm gonna hot chick smells. Oh, yeah, I stick like some guys like it. I know. How do you know? I know. Do you like when a girl smells? Adam? I'm not a little musk. You do? I don't like it. I know. How do you know? I know. Do you like when a girl smells? Adam? I'm not a little musk. You do? I don't mind it.

It's real. You like dudes. Maybe that's why. Mine's me of a dude. Yeah. You like a hot dude smell on a girl. Just to bring you home. All right, we had a saboteur in the fucking house.

Yes, you heard me. We're on to you. But fucking do it. You can't, I know you think you didn't get it by me. I'm on to you on every fucking level. All the fucking saboteur things. I'm on to it. But that's okay.

We'll just keep it rolling here. You know, people can't be, you know, whatever takes it takes a fucking a serial killer of a fucking brain to be a saboteur, to be a saboteur. We're back. We got a great show today. Um, who's on the show? We have Mr. Mark Norman. Mark, Mark Norman, we got Mark Norman, who was amazing. Yeah. Of course, we get you to who, you know, rock in the fun. First of all, the new artwork. I don't know if you fan has noticed that Adam did a great job upgrading the artwork of the for the promos for the promos. Little marketing of fantastic. Can we dim the lights make a little sexy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Really great. You know, little less cartoony, a little more fucking YKW duty. Little fucking more, you know, adulty, fresh, manly, professional.

Love it. Last week's show, amazing. If you hadn't heard it, it was just a hit all around. Everybody loved it. Yeah. One guy tweeted, uh, he had a pullover his car. You see that pullover's car because he was laughing so hard. And, you know, this week is gonna be just as funny, maybe.

Who knows? Who knows? Okay, well, let's just get into this. I'm a big fan of billions, not because my friend, Dan Soda, is in it, which I was just pleasantly surprised to find that out one night when I started watching it. And a compliment is one of the writers who's always been a friend of comics and who was an amazing, wrote rounders. And now is writing this with the two other guys on.

Do you watch it? Billions? Yes. Yeah, I'm obsessed. My mom's obsessed, everyone's obsessed. What about you? I haven't seen it. You haven't seen it? No, I'm going to check it out. You're'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it.

I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it.

I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it.

I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna be through and I'm watching all of Lost now. What do you think? Fucking Lost. I'll tell you when I stopped watching Lost with that Australian fucking, my baby Charlie. Yeah, I couldn't fucking deal with it, dude. I just couldn't deal with it.

I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't deal with it. So. Yeah, she's annoying. I never saw the ending. I watched every single season except the last season. Okay, I heard it's disappointing So I don't know if I should just fuck it now, you know what I mean? Bale look I watched the wire

Yeah, I have what I'm not gonna I'm not gonna invest in shameless right it's too much for me There's too much anxiety in that show. I can't watch a show with that much anxiety. It's a lot. Shit happens like one after another. You know, love that? My wife loves that show. What else? I'm a big fan of, of course, of all the flash.

Supergirls, okay. The arrow. Jessica Jones, Luke Cage. Iron fist. Don't waste your... Here's what you should do. Watch it if you love shitty shows. Yeah. You should watch it. Just if you hate yourself. Experience what fucking garbage it is. That's how I feel about SVO. That's why I can't watch it. Are you kidding me? I hate SVO. That's because you were molested. I know.

Oh yeah, crashing watching crashing. I haven't watched crashing yet, but I will watch crashing, but I'll probably I'll probably wait till season two starts. So the cause a show like that I like to have wait till the season. This is how weird TV watching is back in the day you had to watch. If the show is on Thursday night day you had to watch if the show was on Thursday night you had to watch. Yeah, yeah, because you'll never did someone come up. Yeah, yeah, can you go get them instead of let them fucking me in or in the hallway.

I'm talking. Let's go. Go get them. Take your fucking headphones off. I was wondering when they were going to walk in. I got it all set up and then nobody fucking. She said I'm all dressed up. There's just somebody walking up and down the stairs,

because it's probably DC, because he has no idea that the studio is here. Yeah, I like watching the show. Having the whole season ready to go. Yeah, yeah. And then you, and then star season two, get a couple of episins. Sure, sure.

Hot from the J-Train. You're really being... And then you binge it, and then you're into the season two, get a couple of episins. Sure, sure. Hot from the J-trained. You're really being... And then, and then you binge it, and then you're into the season two. Do you know what I mean? So there we go. Oh yeah. There is Mark Norman, you're in the middle seat, kids.

Sit the fuck down. There's DC Ben. Benny, Benny, you're right over here, my friend. Over there. Yeah, you're right over there. All right. And then we have a guest on the couch You got a microphone right there. Let's talk to the guest first where you guys make noise and sit down

Stop being nervous. Would you mark just sit the fuck down, please? Those beers oh god, what's your name lovely lady? Mindy how you doing? You're excited what the fuck was that? Like DC. Who's just not the whole table? Oh, okay. Anyways, um, we from Mindy. Boston. Get the fuck. Connecticut originally, but I live in Boston. All right. Don't have a claim. Okay. Listen, when you come from New York and move to Boston, you go Boston, but New York originally, Boston, New York, New York, but Boston originally.

Nobody claims Connecticut. No. Okay. Just say from Boston. Nobody goes, Connecticut, originally, nobody gives a fuck. Unless you're a tobacco salesman, and you have the Boston.

What part of Boston? I live in Watertown. Ooh, fucking Watertown, where they found the, the bomber in a boat. Yep. The marathon bomber was in a boat. Yep. The marathon bomber was in a boat. That motherfucker. Wow.

Is that near Saga's? Nope. Nope, not near Saga's. That's the North Shore kid. We're talking the fucking inland. He was handsome that guy. He was not handsome. He was a sexy guy.

According to the girls. You'd say that, look, because he looks like you a little bit. Do you fucking always have a five o'clock shadow curly hair? I got the other the buzzer. I wouldn't be surprised you throwing out fucking some bombs, some pipe bombs out of a Toyota Corolla someday. No bomb last night. Yeah. Of course, we have Mark Normans on the show.

Hey, good to be here. Love being here. New guy. Yeah, we have. This is this is thisans on the show. Hey, hey, good to be here. Love being here. New guy. We have, this is the guy. This is a movie scope. Movie scope. Oh, yes. This is the part of the new D-Poo, Chris scope. New D-Poo D2. All right.

Hey, speaking of terrorist. You're horrible. Speaking of terrorist. Look at that, Buck. We have one of my longtime friends, one of my favorite people. If you do not like this guy in the business, nobody likes you. Yeah.

One of the greatest reps in the business. How about that? Oh, absolutely. We have a call from a parcel right here. Uh-oh. Yeah. Uh-oh. Okay. Who is this? Who's this? Bardot?

Yeah, okay. I'm alive doing my show right now. This is always good when your management has no idea you're doing a podcast live. They just call you. Hey, what's up? What's up? What's up? You have? Is that all right? I'll talk. I'll talk to you later. Goodbye, Bart. Bottle church. I'll call you back after the show. Bye. Wow. It's how he's behind the scenes. I love to give him a show. Okay. Well, you tell why he's behind the scenes. Yeah, it's good. I love to give him a showcase. He's saying, you do, buddy.

I'm doing good. Thanks for having me. What's happening? Thanks for coming on. Yeah. We have one more guy coming on, but he's a black dude. And he's late. CPT.

CPT. So let's introduce everybody, Lauren. All right. Well, not everybody. I introduced you. This young new new guy to the show, right? Yep. That's right. But Spike Lee Buwitz is his first time on new guy to the show right? Yeah, that's right

I believe it's this first time on the show. So you Irish. Yeah, that's great Welcome half Irish and half Jewish Muzzle tough. Thank you very much. Okay, my hon. I don't know that means kiss my ass and gale Your dad's Jew or bombs Jewish at the end when you say just you with So that's a cake I laugh so much at that DC Betty of course and you we got Josh right Mike

I think Josh goes better with the last name you think so I think well, I think the last name Mike Lieberman is Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber Vitz Lieber well I think the last name. Mike Lieberman? It's Liebervitz. Liebervitz. Liebervitz. Wow, that's even harder. That's like that guy on bizarre foods. You think it's Zimmerman, but it's Zimmerman. Yeah.

Yeah, Lieber, Liebervitz. Yeah, it should be an agent. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. I should be. Well, welcome to the show. Everybody's Mike is so low, man. Hello. I can't put your cans on.

This is mine. It's all right. Yeah, turn it. Turn them up a little bit, please. We got we got of course deep moves off the show. We got Adam now. We got Lauren. Lauren is the new scopo. Adam is the new deep. We got a lot of new stuff. We got new TVs. We got they we got a lot of new stuff in here, baby. Yeah, it looks great. It's a lot of t-shirts. Well, upgrade., of course, laughable, which, yes, laugh. I mean, come on. Got laughable big fans. If you don't have the app, then you're out of the fucking mix.

Right. laughable.com. I use it every day. Yes. Of course you do. If you're a podcast comedy fan, you go to laughball. There it is right there. You get these motherfuckers. Yeah. And you get them, you get them good. Get that app for iOS and where is she? I can't see her. Have her move over. Can you move over a little bit? Mindy, right?

Yeah. One of my favorite names. Watertown. From fucking watertown. Yeah, you look like a hot teacher. Yeah. Are you a teacher? No.

What are you? I'm a software tester Boater went down mine went up right up off. I like a nerd like a nerd. All right. Yes, cuz you know We I can't even say this I was gonna say cuz she's uh because she's my speed because she's like, uh, you know She's she's a pretty girl. Yeah. But you wouldn't be like, oh, I gotta go score this girl. Oh, I mean, like, like you, you know, it's a fan losing monologue.

Well, yeah, I'll tell you, let me finish my fucking thought because she doesn't, she's like, Lauren, look at she's whipped up, makeup hair. She's hanging out. She's just understood. She's a little, goes in, does some software stuff, but if you ever got her naked, you'd lose your fucking mind. You think so? If she was naked right now, you'd be like, holy mother of God.

I don't know, I'm picturing, taking the bra off and covering the tits immediately. I know, wait, dude, listen to me, software. Software lawyers, doctors, and Patrice actually came up with this theory and proved it by fucking all those people. They're lunatics in bed because they net, they're doing all kinds. When we were all fucking, they were doing work. Play music and go to, going to software nerd class and Dungeons and Dragons at the mall

next to the, so it's Chinese. So it's's up energy. Pan that all of a sudden one day in their 20s till like, oh shit, I live on my own. I can fucking stick stuff in my vagina anytime I want. Yeah, but that was the 20s. She's in her 40s clearly. I've been in lay on top of her either. She's not. She's not. She's didn't lay on top of anybody.

That would have been assault. What do you? How old are you? How old? No, she's 24. 41. Oh, we're gonna carnival. Oh my God, she makes it. I'm that made it harder for me.

Yeah, you look great. You look amazing. Do you have any kids? No. Do you have a husband? No. You're a honor. Wow, you're just a low.

I can't wait for that fucking. It's locked into the podcast, never came out. Is it true, Mindy? Are you a freak in the sack? Yes, you are. Come on, Mindy. You see? Buddy, what do you think true? Many? Are you a freak in the sack? Yes. You are. Come on, many. See? Buddy, what do you think? If somebody who's not a freak goes absolutely not a offended by this and walks out, somebody who's a freak goes,

ah, I mean, the pens candles in your ass. Is that weird? Oh, litter on lit. Ah, lit, of course. Both ends. Anyway, thanks for coming on. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. You're thanks for coming on. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. You're being a good sport.

You're just sitting out on this one. What do you have a show? No. I don't degrade women. We're not degrading. I'm complimenting you. I think you're a beautiful girl and I love nerdy girls. I think it's fantastic.

Oh, the black guy's late. All right. There you go. Is that a motorcycle check? Yeah, what are you wearing? Did you get that from Cosby? You can have my sweaters! Because I can't wear them in jail! That was my impression of the...

What's up? There he is. There's the hipster black guy we all love and know. We have Dave Sampal. There's a guy that performs at a bowling alley in Brooklyn. Yeah. What kind of bowlers are happening? Of course it is. Back of the day you guys used to go uptown and fucking tough. Yeah. Yeah. Brooklyn bowlers are happening,

of course it is. Back in the day, you guys used to go uptown and fucking tough it out with Maceo. Now you fucking go into Brooklyn and it's just fucking whaling out about your white guys with beers. You guys just have to wear some different clothes and grow a beard and have some glasses

that though you don't really need. Yeah, yeah. And then go pussy. That's, that's, that's, that's used guys for acting like you're scared of us all the fucking time. Hey, that's I think that's not a first of all, what are you doing with these lenses on? What are you? I can't see anymore. But I can't see. They're different, right? They went smaller. No, not small. My fucking head got bigger.

We're gonna pop if he sneezes. It's over. It's funny. You talk about that. I have, um, uh, well, you know, I mean, I'm very honest. I never hold things back from my fans or my friends or you know you mark Sure I'm in between are you leaving? No, no, I just I wasn't wearing the can so I figured I'd just put them down. Oh, okay Yeah, I just cool I stick around I hope so I came all the way down here. I wanted to be very excited about you being here But what you took your headphones off of He gets welcome with an antice

You guys Okay, so they didn't just gang up on you because I'm gonna have black jokes as soon as I walked in a fucking You got a great and I was a minute late, but fuck all right I got here at two o'clock. I love black Tres. Yeah, I showed up on time. I think I got the abuse for both of us watch doesn't work so I got a very diverse show We got here. We got a Puerto Rico. Absolutely. We got a black. Oh, and we got a kite. Yeah, the way to the Irish Can Jewish. Yeah, we got a full Jew your book ended made your book. Yeah, he cut the Jewish name out back in the day when being Jewish wasn't getting anything.

He added it when you get some safety. We're funny now. Big mistake. You should have stayed it. Wait a minute. What are you? I'm a big old one. Serial killer.

A robot Italian? Yeah, yeah. Is it like Normandy? Comedy Central, man. A tiny to be an Italian or I'm have French to Yeah, okay, yeah, nobody wants to admit that I know I'm from Louisiana so we're all French man Not really that's not French. That's New Orleans What are you doing a lot of raping back in the day like that Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah big rapes

Doesn't strike me as a raping culture like that. You know, right? They're very brave. Yeah. Peppie the Pew type. There you go. That's all right. Right. Old cartoon based on. Hey, he's charming.

Now it's rape. Hang on a second. Before I get into this rape, before you guys bring me into some woman's Facebook blogging, see what's the sign of the trip. Yeah, maybe he's a guy. Just don't talk over each other so you can, we can hear who says what went. What you turn your cans up? your cans my cans are up. All right, stop.

It's not fucking morning. Zou show. Call them cans again. I got to get this out real quick. Number one, we have a new show we're announcing on the network, which I can't tell you how I'm excited. It is right here. Temple show.

No, not Dave temple. We have keeping Joe. Okay. Phil Hanley, Joe Mackie is Samarrel. Their new show airs tomorrow. Wednesday here on riot cast. It's a very funny show. I love all three of these guys very talented.

Um, and we're very proud to have them. So go to riotcast.com. Click on keeping Joe and subscribe your view on iTunes. And it is a hilarious show. If you know Phil Hanley, if you know Samarrel, and of course Joe Mackie's out of his fucking mind, just a beautifully funny unique guy. We got Liz on the show too. Yeah, Liz is on the show a lot. Film right here, a riot cast, original podcast that we're very proud to present, which comes out tomorrow.

And then a couple weeks after that, we got another huge announcement. Another show coming out that you guys are going to fucking love. Dave Temple show. I know. Again, you're wrong. Listen, keeping Joe today, it's really funny. It's a funny show. Hold on.

It's out already. Sam set me up. Well, yeah, they they when you we release a show we haven't do a bunch of them beforehand We don't just hey guys you guys look like you do a good part We actually have to hear it a couple times make sure they know and suck These things were just winged the anatomy. Oh, it is planning you gotta be on time It's great artwork. It's like real throwback to the like Andy Griffith kind of with, you know, with Joe. Well, you know, Joe Mackey doesn't want to do the podcast. Oh, you know, this, his, or this one, oh, this one, yes. And he wants to basically try to do a podcast every week where it's good enough where he will want to come back. That's why the keeping Joe, he's Joe Mackie.

Anyways, and what else do we have to do now? Oh, tomorrow night, tomorrow night, your show, first of all, your shows, I'm not even saying anything about your show, because it's sold out. Sold out, baby. And thanks for doing it. Your other show is sold out too.

Is it? Yes. Oh my God, I had no idea. No, you did. I really did. What a fucking drama, Mama, you are. The McKenzie? No, not that one.

Oh, that's what I thought you were talking about. But tomorrow night, we have a great show with my friend DC Benny. Yes, man. Tell us a little bit about the show. So it's a story telling show. I used to do a years ago. Yeah.

You did it. You did it years ago. We did it in the Zinc bar. Zinc bar. And it was called Urban Myth back then. Urban Myth. What a great name. It was great, man. It was great.

We pick a topic. Comics that come through, Colin did it, he held it, everybody did it. Yeah. It was great. Gaffigan did it. Urban Myth, great, black superhero. Well, well, now we're doing it Bailey and I do it.

Ben Bailey from Ben Bailey. Cash Cash Cash. I'm kidding. Yeah, you know that guy. I love Ben Bailey. He is forgettable. I stop it. Ben Bailey from Ben Bailey cash cash. I'm kidding. Yeah, you know that guy. I love Ben Bailey. He is forgettable. So I stop Jesus. Oh, come on. He's seven feet tall. Well, well, the eyebrow and I will rip your face off.

Big Ben Bailey. Well, I'll fucking take it out. Oh, yeah. He has no problem throwing down. No, Ben Bailey will throw down. Oh, he wants to fucking punch somebody in the face. He has enough money in the bag. Well, just punch somebody. Take the head. For a fun treat, listen to Ben Bailey on the Patrice roast on YouTube. It's amazing. The set was the night. One of the

the set of the night. But his set was so good. We listen to it on here. His set was so good. It actually made Keith Robinson set. A little worse set. You didn't even need his set to make it the worst set ever. Yeah, that was just the worst set ever. But you go, fuck y'all, I'm not bombing. That's a bad sign. Yeah, but the best part of that one, we actually went, we unpackaged that on the show and they we won piece by piece. The best part was on Keith said something to Ben.

Keith, he goes, Ben, I'm telling you, I'm telling you right now, man, and Ben goes, oh, what? Oh, that's enough of the set. I like it. That's the worst when somebody just goes, oh, what? Yeah. So, yeah, so you got this show?

Yeah, we're doing it tomorrow night in the fat, fat plastic hat, which is the lounge upstairs. Now, you got to stand. The comedy seller is so popular right now. Four shows a night on weekends, three shows a night during the week, sold out every fucking show. So they open up the village underground, 200 seat, a bigger club, replica, sold out

every fucking show pretty much. So they opened up, they took the lounge upstairs, and now that's a club. It's this beautiful Moroccan theme lounge. And they do a new joke night there on Monday. They have shows there on sat fridges and satis and sundays. And they do these shows too, which is going to be there tomorrow night, which is Wednesday night, tomorrow night, tomorrow night. What time? 830. We got Wyatt's an act. We got Mike Britt. You you know Mike Britt. I do, I love Mike Britt.

Always looks like angry. Yeah, Mike Britt always looks like he's gonna play. Yo, what's up Bobby? Is that, did I do something? Did I fuck somebody, you know? So black, black guys are wearing glasses and performing and born out. Someone real Martin to get some frames.

You'll get some lenses, it's all frame. Mike Britt looks happy, okay? That's the jolliest black man you ever gonna see, right? He's always wiping sweat off his brow, too. I love my brim funny guy. Funny dude, man. All right, go ahead. We got Selena Copic.

How do you say that again? Selena Copic. Selena Copic. How do I know her? Boston chick. Yeah, she's a Boston chick. She's funny. Bring her up.

Bring Selena Copic. Bond. Chad. No, no, she's tall. Can you say that? She's funny. Bring her up. Bring Selena Coppacond. Long. Chubby. No, she's tall. Can you say that? She's meeting. Can you say something that one's got. That's always a tough one.

Yeah, let's put a little space in between her name and Chubby. That way you can say it with something else. She's a woman. She's a woman. She's a woman. Really say. No, you can't say Chubby. You can say blue collar.

Yeah, no, no, she's not Chubby. So even if you would, you wouldn't. Yeah, she's not. Why, you don't know, though. She could be real bottom heavy You have a nice Tinas from the waist down. All right stop yapping over each other. What the fuck did you see? She has a what from the waist down when you have seen some women in like real nice and small up front Yeah, and then you see the waist down is just like abnormal. I love that match up

You like that? Parachute. Is that what it is? Parachute? I think it's ski. Have you ever seen a girl when they, and the girls actually do this, they will rap stuff around their waist to make it thinner, real thin.

So they're butch huge, they're top is huge, but they're waist. Oh, you're talking about the corsets. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they call that. The corset training. It's training, but do you train your body to be that way? But you can't take it off, you can't eat.

No, you gotta leave it on, yes. I wish you could do that with your whole body. Like if I just put a full corset on my tits, from my neck to my dick, you want to bind it like Chinese meat. You get spanks. Yes, basically. Well, spanks go. Well, we're actually, we're bringing this back to where I was before I opened up,

and I thought you were leaving, which I'm glad you're staying. Now you look very relaxed. Like, why did I go nowhere to go anyway? Is that what it's like in the air? Well, I was writing out that. Oh, shit, that's hot. So there we go, it's gross.

Yes, that's it, right? Okay. Well, yeah, well, it's a thing though. I mean, if you look at her booty, well, that's kinda her dose in too. She does it. Yeah, look at all these girls that do it. It's pretty crazy.

I don't know, do you like it? That's all right. Yeah, man. I like this stuff around it, you know? Yeah, it's kind of a bottom part. I'll tell you right now, and I'm gonna get chiff, I don't like a big ass. Really?

I feel like, because having a big ass myself knowing how hot it gets down there I know that you know I feel like you're messing around with a girl the bat one of those big like a Kim Kardashian asshole Uh-huh has to be sweaty and dirty Yeah, most of the day. I'm fine with it. I want all of it. You like dirty? A little dirty Yeah, I want a little just a hint of a view. Everybody put your headphones on because you're talking over each other. That's what happens Because you can't hear I go down and clear. I wish I didn't hear what you just said what I said you don't like a big ass Why you like a big ass?

You need a little more you go I'll take you ass and hips over titties any day. Are you kidding me? Yeah, yeah. Over titties. Lips. Lips. Lips. Hips. Body.

You're gonna kiss a thin lip. Hips, hips. Oh no, that thin lip shit. Yeah, I don't like that when you go to kiss a woman in your teeth. Look at that, it's sad. Look at that, it's disgusting. That's not real. That's not real.

That's not real. That's not real. That's so augmented. Yeah, she looks like Dr. Robotnik. You're really hard. He's a beauty. You didn't have a second, bro. Do you like, well, I like a big ass.

I like a big ass. I like a little ass. I like any ass I'm presented with. I'm curious. So you say you don't like the big ass because you're worried it's dirty. He's worried it's dirty because his ass gets hot because it gets hot because the like competition probably can't wipe well. Oh, you can't get all the way in there and get clean it's dirty. He's worried it's dirty, because his answer gets hot. Because the like, conch audition probably can't wipe well. Oh, you can't get all the way in there

and get clean at all now. I'll tell you why, because, all right, look at that ass. Bring her ass up, the biggest one. Bring it, okay. Wow, that's fun. Okay, inside that ass. Now, if you're in jeans, all right,

you got no paintings on. You know she probably was G string or whatever. That thing, that's friction. That's meat, that's meat, that's meat on meat. We're all gonna get together. Motion to get now, it's hot in that way, you got the human.

And then all of a sudden, it's like hot, hot, hot. And then you get back to the house and you open it up and you get in. You hear that, fuck it. It's like when you pry open a grilled cheese. Ah! That's good, you ever do that? You've even pried a grilled cheese on it?

Go for it and lick it in my whole channel, though. Yeah. If it was a was a grilled cheese I wouldn't mind but look at that. That's just big and that's Yeah, bounces back on you it feels good. I like it against your torso and you're just down. I like me I got a little bum. I like a little I like a little little little Little I can do it a little. I just don't like when that like me and me to cool it. What's your name? Cooness me. What is her ass? What kind of asked you like? I mean, I like them all I can do it a little. I just don't like when that, like, mean to me to cool it. What's her name? Coolness. Me to cool this. Her ass. What kind of ass do you like? I mean, I like them all.

I really do. Really? Yeah, but I, I mean, I like a woman who's perfect. You ever show, why are you so puttering? What kind of show? I gotta, I gotta actually run a show in a bowling alley. You do.

I gotta tell you. I actually don't wanna do. Do you need a black eye on it? You know, we actually don't have one this week, so we probably should. You have to have one a week We have to have a comedy central rules Quota what one broad yeah, those little asses though where you go to grab the fuck the cheeks Watches that you love that finger accidentally touches our ass

That's not enough though, that's not enough. I love it. Look at that little bomb. I love it. Yeah, that's not enough. Look at that little bomb. Stop right there. Go on that. That's too much. Full screen that. That's too much.

No, that's a picture. I mean, I'm saying I love it. Oh, look on the photo. Yeah, full screen. I want to see that, but that's a nice one. What is it? That's a drawing. I like a little butt.

I don't like too much. I like a little time. I mean, I understand what you're saying. You're talking about dating ideally in the summertime. You want summer dress, pull it right off, and go right in. I look, look, come on, son. That's great. That's big though.

It looks maybe a smaller picture. That'll get swampy in the summer. No way. That's not good. No way, the other one was like, I'm not on Lauren. Do you ever get swampy? Oh, I'm tired. Because she's in. And she's tiny. That's not what I was saying. No way. The other one was like, Hold on Lauren, do you ever get swampy? Oh, I'm tired.

Cause she's, yeah, she's, and she's tiny. She's Katrina down there. You're not, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're just saying shit. You're just saying shit to say shit. There's no way that Kim Kardashian's ass would be, that, her ass is as sweaty as Kim Kardashian. I love the fact that you think a Kardashian is walking around an LA heat getting sweaty. She's in a fucking air-conditioned car.

And then you take her to a nice hotel. I let you do the rest of your joke because you assembly were going to do it. We're just going to go, you're right. It's not a joke. Hey, listen, you don't think she walks around. She walks, oh, she walks from the car into whatever venue she's shopping in. And it's air-conditioned in there. What the fuck are you talking?

Look at it. Going from the car. This is the way he closes. Everywhere. Everywhere. Yeah, but she's outside a million fucking time. She doesn't wear underwear. That's not.

That's weird. That's photo right there. You're being ridiculous. That's a stupid thing. I'm not coming on to show you. Tell me I'm being ridiculous, Bobby. You're going to show twice. You're going to show twice.

I don't know. Because I don't agree with you when you're being ridiculous. Those are ridiculous. This isn't Mike Brown. Oh, sorry. you when you're being ridiculous. This is a mic brown. Oh, sorry. No, you're right. I just don't like it. I don't like. Do we talk about big asses last time? All right, here's a deal. I had a, I have a fucking, I have a,

wow, I have a big ass like that. Wow. No, hers bumps out, which I like. She's got to have, she's got to have eyes. She's got to have eyes with it. have that built in swatter you know the nice interesting It's disgusting. It's disgusting. What did you tell this is all cloy It's disgusting. It's gonna put your face in that. No, I don't I don't want to put my face in that I don't want to put my face in that at all It's built so get one photo and stay on a nice deal making me go throw up all these fat asses

I hate it. I hate it. And here's the deal too. I'm telling you right now, they have so much makeup on these girls. Yeah. Have you seen them without the makeup on the show? Oh. It's a different human being.

Yeah, really. It's like hating them. It's fucking, I understand. I feel so bad for women. I really do. That they have to put so much makeup on to appear flawless. And we see them as flawless.

And then you, you ever wonder what you see these girls get divorced and you see them like things it's not working out? If you meet her full makeup all the time, always dress to the nines, blah, blah, blah. And then you wake up next to your chick and she's not the same human being. You're gonna be like what you're gonna get sick. You're gonna be like, I don't want to do it. Yeah, yeah, I know that. Look at that.

Who the fuck is that? That's Kim Kardashian, Sam or real? That's not Kim. That's not Kim. That's not Kim. It is. Bobby, that's not Kim. Kim is a character. She looks like concentration. Okay, click on the other one now. Down to one hole over there. Over there. On the good makeup over here. She does clean up well. Bob, she's very attractive. That is her. But she's not. That's what I'm saying. She's not. If you take away the fake booty, take away all the shit. Click on the one where she's crying and the boogies are coming out of her nose. There you go. That's

what I'm talking about. Look at this. She's got zits, her forehead shiny. She's got bad skin, her lips are fake, her cheekbones are fake. Everything's fake. The hair's, and that's the one with the sweat. Yeah, it's too. That's the one her ass thinks. What's top of all that? But it's like, but, but I feel bad for the women that watch this or the young girls that watch it and go, I want to be just like her. Well, yeah, you're going to have to put on fucking two hours of makeup. You're going to have to be a multi-millionaire to afford that shit. Really show her without makeup.

I mean, it's crazy. Oh, I saw that bitch at the Galaria. I saw her at the Galaria trying to get a fucking new phone at a kiosk. I like that girl. That's the girl that approaches you. I hope so. I think you're cute. Now show the, maybe I get my thing. No, honey. Exactly. Look. Okay, okay, honey, exactly. Look. Okay. Okay. Okay. Please first read that.

Oh my God. That's not the same girl, my friend. Well, where'd her double chin come from? What did she have it? Buddy, it's just, she's, she's posing. I can, look it. I can do a good photo. She's posing for that stretch in a draw.

She's probably bent over a little bit at the hips. She's taught to do that. That one, okay. She's just to do that. That one, okay She's just walking out of some fucking, you know Susie place. I don't know that looks like I don't know. I like Gary Bucy one I love that you're defending you. You fucking him from Brooklyn. You're fucking the fam kidding Listen to Michael time's man Michael she looks she's Michael. Yeah, Michael, Michael. She looks, she's Michael. Yeah, Michael.

Bobby. That's her. Years apart. But it could not, it could easily be another picture that somebody put up there. There's other pictures of her without makeup that look like. All right. You know what? The fact that you're taking her side makes me hate you so much right now.

Please, because he might be right and I will apologize, Michael. I will apologize for my hatred towards you. Please type in Cleo Kardashian no makeup. Cleo. Cleo. Cleo. Cleo. Cleo. What's your name? Cleo. Right? Is that the dog Cleo? Is it a man now? Isn't that her name, okay click on the other photo. Yeah, okay All right, okay, what okay? You're hatred of me is justified. Thank you great nipples. Yeah, but do you understand that I don't care if you Also, she's fine. She's fine. She's not fine. What do you mean she's fine? She's probably she doesn't look I don't know She just looks like a person. Yeah You fuck Michael go fuck yourself. Let me take the prop. This is the fucking problem. There's a fucking problem You're showing us something on TV and you're making little girls go I have to look like that when you don't you look like that

Just be that on TV show us that bitch TV. And then we can all be human beings. The problem is is that we fucking we all we all fucking aspire to be the shit that doesn't exist. Yeah. But we don't do that in some way. Just Bobbi, did you clean your house before you have company? Nope. No, I did not. Come the fuck over and deal with it. That was a really good point. That was a good point. I was gonna be copying on that one. I really, I really took the wind out of my fight.

But it was a good way to stay in that. No, no, I don't. Yeah, but you know what? My wife doesn't do. She doesn't fucking dye her hair because people are coming over. She's, yeah, we put on a little makeup here and there. I understand that.

But that is not the same human being as that. Yeah, I didn't even believe it was. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's, so I don't care. I'd rather talk to the girl on the left. Yeah, and watch a show with her if they could just, you know what I mean? I thought you meant like as far as talker out the take a picture. Because I would take her on a date.

I don't give a shit. It looks cheaper, right? Well, Jesus Christ. is this good radio no one else knows that though we're talking about buddy What are you talking about it's on the screen? I know but it's a podcast yeah, we're doing video All right, all right, all right, we're streaming one of the fans it up. You know what you're right the people listening right now If you're wondering we're googling Click what's our fucking name?

Instagram is we'll put it up. Yeah, we're gonnaling, what's her fucking name? What's her fucking name? Look at Instagram, it's what I'll put it up. Yeah, we're gonna put it up on Instagram. Cleo. Chloe. Chloe Kardashian. And I saw, you know the other one that looks, is the mother. She's probably the hottest one.

Scroll down, you just saw her. Hold on, what's the mother? What's the mother? A little bit right there, right there, too. Oh, look at that work she's doing, that's a lot of work though. That's a Lego set right now. Well, you know what? But she can also focus now,

because she's not fucking as much anymore, right? Not if I can help her. What does that mean? Well, the other ones are getting gizzed on and you know, all kinds of, you know, they're taking dick and birth control and kind of shit like that. That's gonna fuck with your time, you know,

to die your shit out. I don't know again. I don't know. They all take its glasses off for that. I don't know. I don't know glasses off for that. I don't know. You guys know what the fuck? Are you saying that they all, so getting, they're getting culled on so much that they have no,

so they're just getting, are they working in a cum factory? I thought that's what these chicks do. I don't know, I don't want to show you that. They used to, they had a sex tape, one of them, and that got her in the door. I spent the day, this is why I probably annoyed at it more than most people.

I spent the day in, I forget where I was, LA or somewhere on the road. I watched it all day. All day, did two shows. I immediately went back to my hotel room and watched it all night. Because you get sucked up into this thing. Yeah, that's why you're so angry.

You said you're angry, man. But I kind of shook out of it at one point, and I was like, what? There's something about it. There's something about Elmo's voice that makes little kids just want to fucking watch him. If you watch a kid watching Sesame Street and everybody's talking, and then Elmo's voice comes on,

there's something about, whatever the fuck was, that they all of a sudden just start zoning out, like they can't not watch. There's something about the way they put these shows together with the timing and the sound bed and the buildup that you have to, you can't not, you can't change it. Yeah, two thing, I just had that happen. I got high with my lady and we watched Love and Hip Hop.

And it's like they, that whole, the show is brilliant. The fact that these people, they go into like this little room, this confessional and talk about what's happening as it's happening. So you're like watching like the subconscious of the person explaining the scenario and it's like all these bright colors and lights

and then they just go to like commercial. But they only do like three things. It's like it's children's stuff. It's a color hanger. You know that all these shows came about at the writer's strike? Oh yeah. Yeah, reality TV.

Yeah, yeah. Because the writer said fuck, which, they don't know the writer's strike. I don't know. I think I heard something about that, but I don't know. Yeah, it was all scripted TVs. TV was scripted TV. That was it. And then the I don't know. Yeah, it was all scripted TVs TV was scripted TV That was it and then the right-estrike happened they couldn't you couldn't write any scripted TV's like they just said suck a dick

We'll go to we'll go to reality. Yeah, that's way cheaper to do. Yeah, yeah for $10 But it's just as written as yeah, it's very written. You're absolutely right. It's not written. It's produced Yeah, but they but they don't you're not supposed to say that they say that you have to kind of keep your mouth shut about that. I mean, you've done last kind of standing the whole thing's bullshit. What do you mean? You never done last guy? I did. I did the second first season, second season. Uh-huh. Yeah, but I didn't get on it. I just got douche right at the beginning But it is bullshit. I'll tell you it is yeah, it's all bullshit. Oh really? They actually had they had somebody They they were talking to us about the directions of the show and I was like like this listening Yeah, like the two people talk and I was just listening. They took that clip of me listening

They were filming they took me listening put it in at the end when they were waiting for the name. Done, done. That was like this. It made it look like when in reality when they were doing the names. I was videotaping. I was like, what's up? I ended the win. Exactly. And then this big black guy won. I went, who the fuck is that? Because I still have, that was the only time I've ever met this guy.

Yeah, but they cut to that intense look of you staring at a sandwich Great if they just would have added a fart noise I don't know I watch that shit and I it's the it's a fuck it's one of the most popular shows on TV Yeah, dude. I was just watching one of those videos on YouTube My daughter. She's six and she finds these little things with the The play dough where they just mold it your daughter. Yeah, you stuck around See you guys are racist because you're acting more affected by a black joke Than a Joe. I thought it was great. And I thought the joke was great too. It wasn't a joke.

Joe's no one to joke. That was just a slur. Yeah. Or Rabbi loves it. Yeah. I keep it even. Joe, it was just a slur. Sorry, dad.

You were saying. I know exactly what you were talking about. It's weird. They have a kid's YouTube. It's separate from regular YouTube. And what these maniacs, I call them maniacs, he's fucking adult human being maniacs. What they did is they go out and buy toys, right?

Retro toys, toys you can't get, whatever, these toys. And they put on this voice, hey, and they unbox the toys, they're toy unboxings, and then they play with them with their voices. Yeah. And they're like, hey, we'll make a grown man's hand do that. Well, they're adults. You can tell by the hands. The kids, listen, we had to take it off his iPad because it's, there's something hypnotic about it. And my kid would sit there and just go, I want this daddy. He would watch this

clip all day of this grown couple going, oh, we're gonna make cupcakes. And then you turn the wheel and then boom, and then a cupcake. And then you go to buy this thing. It's retro. They stopped making it 15 years ago because some kid lost a finger in the fucking cupcake machine

in the part of it. And, but it's hypnotic. Yeah. The episode is 13. Can you put, go to kid YouTube. Oh, wow. And I watched it with her, but I'm likeic. Yeah. The episode is 13. Can you put, go to kids YouTube. Wow. And I watched it with her, but I'm like yelling at her. Like this is stupid.

Like there's no plot. Like he's literally, he'll, How old you kid? Six. I mean, I might not call him stupid. I mean, I didn't know. I didn't call her stupid. I would, look at this.

OGI Joe's. Wow. I got one of those. Go to the, it's literally just the guy he helped. Yep. Dip it in there and put like Elmo's face on it and then they'll put like Oscars face on it and then they'll just match it together. Flatten them out and he'll do another one. And he does this for like 13 minutes.

Wow. And she and these things have millions of views on them. Wow. There's ads in front of it. So they're getting paid. You know, these guys are going to be like, you know, He does this for like 13 minutes. Huh? Wow. And these things have millions of views on them. Wow. There's ads in front of it. So they're getting paid.

You know, these guys are getting checks from YouTube because they're getting ads. I've never heard of it. You should have been playing. You have heard of it, Mark. I'd be nervous. Yeah. This is kind of a pedophile's drink.

Yeah. Yeah. You can lower the children into a toy factory. What a thing is, the kids have the most time to watch it and YouTube Doesn't differentiate they go views of you the McDonald's one the McDonald's look how many views they have like 19 million views You know why because it's fucking two year olds to 10 year olds watching this shit Yeah, do the do the first one and we all just we hand our phones, our tablets to the kids to keep them fucking busy, and they watch the shit over and over again.

Right, those views are all just neglect. Listen. Oh no, here comes the jug water to show me in the cage. This is what parents just look to be doing. But no, he's walked up with the keys But you gotta give it a reduction value is great look at the lighting doors now Lighting is a good Riker's island and this way better than my wife's

Wait a minute words chase. Chutes isn't here. That means he must be free. We got this is fuck. It's not anything that's keeping up with the Kardashians though. Yeah, I think it's on the same level. But I think it's the kid version of it. Yeah, while you're bedging out and keeping up with the Kardashian, your kid is next to you in a couch. You kid, you should be doing this with your kid.

Like, did you say that? Yeah, you should be playing with your kid. You should like, we had a stop TV in the morning. There's no TV until night during the week because my kid would wake up and sit in front of a TV like this and I'd be talking to him. He'd just be staring at the TV, watching this shit. So we actually had to stop TV in the morning at all

during the day at all and we put a thing of play to one front of him. And I mean, it sucks for me because I want to get on my phone and fuck the fight who likes me on Facebook. Yeah. How many people thumbs up me, you know? But I have to play, I have to sit there and play with them. How old, how old is your kid?

17. Okay. But the thing and that is a really challenge. He's three and a half. Were you thinking? Was I thinking? Well, how am I, my kid is? Yeah, yeah.

Because he's almost four. It's almost that where I'm going to have to say four in like a couple of months. Because he's almost three and a half. He's what that is, right? Bert, are you really off from Brooklyn, huh? You ironic content? Yes.

Yes. But I guess when I'm asking you to start calling him for before his actual birthday, but when he's like almost for, I don't do that. I can't say for. Yeah. And in his birthday for because it's not for yet, but I don't want to say, you don't want to say three, three and fucking, you know, 10 months. Yeah.

I just three and a half because if you say four, he'll think he's four, and his birthday, he'll think he'll turn five. He'll get a fendee, too. He'll be all fucking confused. No, it's just a weird thing to say. And you're right, it doesn't fucking, I could just say four, and you don't give a fuck. You're not gonna check up on me.

Or three. And then call me up and go, hey, you fucking lied to me. Yeah, because I have jokes about my kids, and I still say that they're three, and she's six. Well, maybe some writes some new jokes. Yeah. It's fucking three or all, yeah. Jesus Christ, can you come down to your spot

on Rodialli? Yeah. That's a little bit. The fuck is that? Woo! Three Tadis. I have, jokes I wrote about my kids when they were younger, but I changed the number of the kids.

You get kids? Yeah. You stayed. Yeah. He's a dude. He's, he's, he's married. Oh, are you? Yeah! He's married. He's married. Are you? Yeah.

You're not going to put the marry or not. Just going too far. How long have you been married, man? I've been married like six years. No shit. How old is your kid? But my oldest is 14 and then I have a four year old and a... How old are you?

I'm 36. You get 14? So you're 30. So when did you have a kid I was 22? Where is she still around yeah, so kid are there one are you both Where's the where's the where's the is that it just a girlfriend or did it break up soon after? So she was my girlfriend and then we we broke up for a while and then we got back together We have more kids so there's 10 years between our first two kids wait a minute stop for one second

Okay, this is so interesting to know so you dated this girl had a kid broke up got back together, we had more kids. So there's 10 years between our first two kids. Wait a minute, stop for one second. Okay, this is so interesting to know. So you dated this girl, had a kid, broke up, got back together with the mother of your child, and had more kids, got married, had more kids. Yeah, that's a happy ending. Is that a happy ending or what? That's not the lie. No, that's not the same one over now.

But yeah, I didn't hear you. I'm sorry. What the fuck up? I said it's a happy ending, I said it same one over yet. But yeah, I wanted to say one more. What? I didn't hear you. I'm sorry. I said, it's a happy ending. I said, it's not over yet. But I mean, you know, but you know, I mean, yes, one of you will die first. Right, right, right. The story is always going well.

But yeah, I guess it is. It doesn't happen to a lot of people. I mean, no, but because I mean, dude, especially you have a kid with a girl that early break up. We never get back together. Usually somebody will find somebody else in that time span. And then you got back together, got married and had kids. Did you have kids before you got married the second time?

No. So we broke up the first time. We both saw other people, but we were seeing each other every week because we had shared custody of the kid. Can I ask one question? Will you come back then? No, so I was I was an improviser That was no much worse much much worse. Why is that worse? Well, that's just the product is work. It's hard to make money

So okay, it's impossible to make money. Yeah, you never laid though, right? You never did hands at a college What's that you never did? Oh, everybody just talk everybody just fucking yeah I get it How a fucking listen in five seconds you whipping fucking clock suckers Let the heap talk You're listening to the view with Robert kill the fuck yeah, you're the lab black chick shut the fuck up Star Jones fucking money love shut up. Go ahead. I thought it was yeah Well, yeah, so I did the improv. Yes, I did improv and I was out I was out every night doing it and she wasn't into it so she broke up with me

She wasn't into your you're you're doing improv. Yeah, she said I want you to be home and be with the kid and I said Well, you know, but I this is what I do so yeah, so she said what she gave me in all the maim she said You got to choose between us and the improv and you chose fucking you where you what do you do for a living? Give me three things that you hate yeah But you know Give us a place was supposed to be at Lamas class The playground name two people who miss you Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.um like that. Yeah, it's like if two friends make you choose not that improv is a friend, but if you had two, two friends, you got to choose between me and him. You choose the one who didn't make you choose. You know, I choose the one that's got better stuff, but did you? Yeah, or her bigger tits or whatever.

It was a swampy ass or that ass. That was a swampy ass. I understand. I think though, do you think that it was more of you had a dream or this, this, this was your dream, this is going to come true and you might be on SNL, you might. Yes, this could become something that would be huge, not knowing that improv is harder, real hard to actually succeed in and become rich off of having be a career.

Did you think it was actually going to be the next, you know, blue she or? I don't know if I even thought about it that way, but I just, I knew that it was like performing in front of people and making people laugh was the most important thing to me. And it was like my identity, you know, and it still is. I just found a, I mean, I'm still broke as shit, but I found a way that where it's like, not at least not impossible to get paid. You know?

Wow. And I did that while we, while we were split up. No, how's your relationship with your first kid? Well, he loves me. Yeah, it's good. So it didn't, it didn't suffer being away. Well, I wasn't away. I mean, I had him half the time.

But you weren't, I mean, but look at man, I understand you were with him half the time, but you weren't there every day when he woke up. I mean, I mean, that must be an admit, for that kid to get his dad back in the house must have been epic for him. He was happy when we got back together for years. I mean, what the fuck, that never happens.

Yeah. Ever. But now he's got to do it. What a lucky kid, you know? Yeah, that's drunk and it is underwear. Is he eating his fucking snack? Is he, does he bitch about you now? No, what no, no, no, we're best friends.

But he's also, he's got, he's, he's got developmental disabilities. Oh, he didn't throw that out, did ya? Yeah, why don't people hold on that episode long? I don't feel like I held on to it for that long. Put that out there right away. Yeah. I felt like that was the appropriate time to mention it.

No, no, no. Does he like that? In fact, I think it might have been a little early. Yeah, but if you said that at the beginning it would have added to why you said, I'm just improv. Yes. Give me a fit.

That's why you chose improv. Yeah, that didn't have anything to do. I caught with joking, of course. But I think that when we found out that there was something different about. Oh, that's why you came back. With the two of us, no, no, we already knew. They don't pay for that.

Okay. The check, the retard check. I love that he kept going until he laughed. Because he was like, what's, no, yeah. Okay, you do comedy. I'm like, what's, no, yeah. Oh, okay. Did he say you do comedy? What? I'm sorry, I forgot what I was saying.

I wanna know, though. I'm sorry, yeah, I don't know you, and I'm just making awful jokes about this stuff. Listen, all right. What it was saying is that when you found out that he had disabilities, yeah, was that what got you back together? No, no, no, no.

I think the fact that we dealt with finding that out in different ways was part of what made us split up in the first place Oh really yeah almost like when a kid passes away the couples usually split up Yeah, so you guys found out that that was and you dealt with it differently and split up Yeah, cuz she was always like when we need to fix this we need to solve this We need to yeah, you know do this kind, we need to do this kind of alternative treatment and do this kind of key late, heavy metals. And I was just kind of like, well, this is how he is and we just kind of do the best we can.

And what, what, what, what, what, what, what, you yes and it. Yeah, I guess that's it. That's it. What, what, yeah, she was playing. That was a good one. She was playing no but. Yeah, the good one, now just shut up, don't keep going.

So you tend to do it, you keep yapping it till you get good one. She was playing no butt. Yeah, the good one. Just shut up, don't keep going. You tend to do it. You keep yapping it till you get another one. The rich boss technique. Don't ruin it. What is the illness? So he has X, Y, Y chromosome. He has an extra Y chromosome. Tranny?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so a lot of those dudes are just like super male. They tend to have learning disabilities and a lot of prison populations have a higher proportion of XYY males, because they tend to be super aggressive. But with him, he's just sort of got language delays, he's got intellectual delays,

so he's just got like a lower IQ. He functions probably like an eight-year-old mentally, but he's 14. Now did this, did your way win out? I mean, was it a combination of your wife's, how she wanted to deal with it, or how you wanted to deal with it? I think in the end, we ended up, we thought he was autistic for a while, so we ended up, you know, putting him into some treatments for that.

But I think in the end, I guess my way won out because I think it's like a little bit more rational. You know what I mean? It's just more realistic. You know, I think we tried all these things and none of them worked and then we're like, That's some heavy shit to deal with at that age. Yeah, and I mean, and try to,

I mean, look, if you have a job or steady job and a pension and blah, blah, all that shit, you know, you're going to work. And, but if you're trying to live this life and have that, yeah, that explains why, you know, how serious you are. Oh, about kidding. That's the best. No, but that, you got to grow fast.

I mean, you had a, you, I mean, dude, you grew up fast, fast. At 22, you had to get your shit together. You had to make decisions that grown adults have to make. You know, couples, 30 year olds, you know, usually when people have kids nowadays, around 30, or early 30s, now even the 40s, me and my wife had a kid and I was 40 something. Wow.

And, you know, it's, and that's not unheard of. Yeah. A lot of people wait until their 40s to have kids now. And, you know, to make those decisions at your age and to be in this business, will you need that I can do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want, ability that superhero power just to even have a chance at making it.

It's hard to have a relationship in this business. Just to forget having a kid. I mean, it's a water level. Especially a fucking monster. Leave him a bit smash. Yeah. Are you telling me about, oh yeah, right, right, Mike? Well, you know, he's aggressive.

Yeah, my aggressive child. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. No, no. No, it's not. Mike, were you talking about me as a comedian for a second? Well, you're not, Mike, Mike, can I ask you,

are you aggressive, Mike? Am I aggressive, do you? Yeah, he's suppressed a real. I mean, like, I mean, I'm not, Mike. Mike, can I ask you, are you aggressive, Mike? Am I aggressive, dude? Yeah, he's suppressed a lot. Not really. I mean, I mean, I'm not a violent dude. Look at that low ground. He's aggressive. No, I've never been in a fight or anything.

He's never been in a fight. Not really, no. Look at the forehead. You can take a punch. Well, I didn't say I've never taken a punch as it had never been in a fight. Let me see hands. Let me see your face.

What is that? You can drive a punch. You can drive through somebody's home. I have the right parts. I have the thing that can be punched and the things which punch. He's dirty guy. He's also got a pink bow. It is here. Look at that. Does he really? No, that's orange. Oh, all right. I'm color blind. Why are we I mean, we're literally forcing this bashing on this poor guy. I mean, it's all it's literally forcing it. I mean, you guys just let it happen. I mean, it's literally forcing it. I mean, you guys just let it happen.

I mean, I'm sure what happened. You guys are forcing. He's got pink in his, I mean, leave him alone. What the fuck? He's fucking, he's done more in the fucking end as a kid. Then what any of us will do in our fucking life? I had a kid around the same age. But you weren't there.

Ah. I was there for the first eight months. Dude, that's the easy part. They go Google Gaga. We're going to start going, go fuck yourself. I know. Do you see your kid? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm dealing with, I'm about to get my, my oldest is 13. Your PhD? 13. My oldest is 13. 13. No shit. Yeah, I'm dealing with you. What are you like, four years older than them?

Damn. Wow, that's self flat. I thought that was a statement. It's like, yeah, bro, it is. But not, I did it on with that now. We're boys and all that kind of stuff like that. Wow. So how many kids do you have? Two.

Same woman. No. Two different girls. Yeah, man. Jesus Christ. How do you deal with that? Oh, it's rough. That's rough.

Now, do you talk to the first, who are you following? Not anymore. We used to be, she had me locked up in 2009 I'm felony kidnapped in charge You took the kids of the movie took the kids wear can't But that was and I take it did he did you did you drive down on a trunk? Where did you take him to a movie? No, what happened? You know you fucked up movie? No, what happened? We, I met the girl, you know he fucked up

because he's like, what happened? I said, I gotta give you the whole story. I know you just because you're lying. The shortest version of it that I can give you is on a scheduled visit to come and see my daughter. She changed her mind 40 minutes before I got there. Okay. And then stop answering the phone, then call me back

and said, here come here. And when I got to the place where they were, I blew up like yelling, screaming, made a big spectacle of what she didn't appreciate. She thought I was being disrespectful and it changed her mind. I said, you're not going anywhere with the fucking kid. I'm like, fuck that. I came here to get my kid. I drove four hours to come and get her.

We're leaving. And we left to go to the movies. And she called the cops. Can I say something? Go ahead. I'm listening. con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad,

consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¿I was wrong? ¿Y were wrong? ¿Tú te voy a decir why you're wrong? No importa cómo vas, no importa cómo piste, si te piste, tú no lo puedes hacer en el frente del mundo.

No, no. No, no me he intentado. No me he intentado. ¿Y qué te vas a decir? Sí, pero ¿qué es lo que ha pasado? ¿Y qué es lo que ha pasado? Cuando tú, pero aquí es el día. Sí, y eso es lo que me he intentado ir a la mejor versión de él. Y es no para mí que me he intentado ir a la mejor, But you know what I'm saying? Yeah, but what happened? And that one you, and that one you, but here's it there. See, and that's why I didn't want to go

into the longer version of it. And it's not about me trying to be right. But what happened was when I came to get the kid and try to leave all of these other people came around me to try and like, hey, how you doing? Like, you know, they, there was like friends of hers

that had no idea what she had been doing this entire day as far as playing the keep away. And that I've been here since 11 a.m. trying to get my kids in the third. That's a hard situation. That's a hard situation to be in. That's a hard situation to be in. That's a hard situation to be in.

Is it we want we've all, I look at, I've look at me. Are you about to say we've all been there? I fucked up. I've gotten angry in front of my kid one time. He was one time. He was young. Wow.

Well, like that, like that shit where you make, where you like fuck you. I was at the airport and I was waiting for this car stopped, not in the parking lane, in the middle lane, but sometimes they do when it's packed. They stopped there. I was gonna pull in ahead in the, on the right to them and go a little ahead and park as I had to go,

but I was waiting patiently. I waited, I waited, I waited, I waited, and that was like, look, I gotta go. I slowly pulled in this old lady, put her head down. Let me put her head down and just ran in front of my car. And, you know, I didn't hit her, she stopped. You went off on the old lady though? No, no, her son, who was my age,

slammed my window where my son was in this baby seat. Hey, my mother, my mother! And he was like, my fucking mother! Get her out of my mouth! And I saw my kid. Oh, yeah! My kid started, mm-mm. I got out of that car and I was like,

you mother and I was like, you mother. And I was like, there's a fucking tool you wrote right? And I was, I was gonna beat the fuck up. And then his other brother who was a little younger than me, but he looked like, you know, the missing chromosome brother. Yeah. Just like the one that they take out of the basement when they need somebody murdered.

Oh, man. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was sitting there just staring. but I was like, fuck you, too. You fucking psych. I was I was snapping on everybody. Yeah. I was like, I go my kids, you know, and he was, but it was bad. I saw you protect your kid. No, but my kid didn't see that. I don't know that my kid saw me fucking flip the fuck out with anger. And they have so bad. I grew up with that all the time.

I don't really. Yeah, man. What do you mean? I mean, my parents were, I don't know, it was just normal. Yeah, they were fighting all the time. Top cars in the house was like, fucking, there was always cops. Why is cop cars?

Because it's fucking. They were snitching. They thought someone was in the kill. Yeah. Snitching. It's snitching. They thought someone was snitching. It's hard to sense. How do you sense yourself all the time though? I don't exactly. That's why I said now I heard that he in the house can be detrimental to that that situation that you were in is a tough one. Well, we were young and how old were you? I was 20 when I had my boy. It's I couldn't I'm, but here's a day I'm 40. I'm 46 and you're in control of your emotions.

Now I'm not. This is a two years ago. Right. I was fucking worried. Yeah. Now he's just feeling. But here's the worst part of it. We wound up because of our age. It kind of settled real fast because he saw my kid and he was like, look, I didn't mean to, you just scared me. I was like, look man, I'm not gonna hit your mother. I was waiting, she ran in front of the car, and we kind of loudly worked it out to where we were like, look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry too,

look, I would never do that to anybody's mom. And I would never do that to your kid and then you saw the brother They're fucking goon brothers just kind of kind of look away like god damn it Gonna get a new face You're such a like a soft like a lowkey guy. Oh, I would this you know, there was Violence in my house growing up Yeah, what do you mean violence? I mean, my dad was, was stop it.

Yeah, for real. He's a low key. He's a low key dude. And he, he, uh, and I remember it was this kid up the block. One day there was this dude was like, I was young. I was about eight or something. And this, this kid must have been about 16. So he comes up to me and he goes, Jews, Jews, big and small, take them back to Israel.

Right? And then he fucking, I kinda forced that right. Yeah, right. I'm like, I mean, like fucking slap me in the side of the head right? And like bust in my ear drama, whatever. So I go,

Can we make that the name of the podcast? This is actually a long, absolutely not. Israel. Oh, yeah. I think Israel, I like that. Oh shit dude. My real. Is real. Dad. Oh shit. My dad fucking lost it.

Really? Took off out of the house, grabbed that kid like stuffed him in a dumpster. His dad was a lawyer. His dad came over. This is just, it was going on. Was he Jewish? No, this kid was German. So they were just going.

What's the 40s? What neighborhood was this? German lawyers. It was crazy, man. It's crazy. But I'm just saying it's hard for me to hear somebody say, don't get angry and afraid. It's ideal that you don't get angry in front of your kids.

But how the fuck do you control it? Like when you can't have that attitude, DC. Yeah, I mean, you can't go, how do you do it? You just, you do it. You talk to them. I have a lot of conversations with my daughter now of, my biggest three core values that I try to teach her is, understanding human nature and controlling your emotions.

I never pay full price for something. But you do this big as well. But because of the stuff that I went through with her mother, while we were dating, I mean, I'm talking like bricks dude Part-man windows not hard windows wait your with who with you doing it. Oh, you know no no her her the daughter Nah, no her mother through bricks through my windows. I mean her brother beat up girls over me all kinds of stuff like that We both been locked up with same deal

where that's why I got out of the house at eight months old because the cops were steadily coming to the apartment. Like literally, hey, if it come back, somebody's going to jail. Like I remember that we had that, like I remember the cops were being called the two days before she went into labor and the only reason why I didn't go to jail was because they were like,

lady, do you really want me to take him to jail and you deliver a baby while he's locked up? And it was because we were in the apartment fighting. And this was the type of relationship. I was going down to some path. I was like, my mom and them, you know what I mean? So it was like, yeah, I had to get out. You know, otherwise.

Now what about the second one? Second one is cool. I learned my lesson on how to gauge things a bit differently. Right. Like, by the time I met the second one, I was doing comedy. Right. She actually came down to a comedy club, you know, and saw me. I met her in the lobby of a comedy club. Right. The first one, I met her. She was stealing clothes out of Burlington co-factor. That's how I knew security at do it. That's hot. That's hot. New security at the Burley to Go Factory. I knew what they were doing when I saw them running out.

How do you steal a coat? No, no, not a coat. I'm talking clothes. Oh, okay. They were at arms of Velour Sweetsuits, all of the rock awareness, Sean, John, and I knew that they were in the same college as me, so we started working together where we were stealing clothes and selling them on campus.

And that's how. Are you kidding me? That's how our relationships start. That's beautiful. That is so, exactly. You know what I mean? What a happy story that is. Right.

You know what? Fuck your story. This is beautiful. I can't you know. A couple that steals together, stands together. Do you realize how? No, do you understand how much of a relationship you have to have with someone?

Like when you're willing to go out and steal together? Yeah. A scam. Bonnie and Clyde. Yeah. Yeah. The Joker rings. Bonnie and Clyde.

Oh, come on. The Clyde by the dude. Yeah. What was the two-chips? You're thinking to set it off. No, Thelma and Louise. Thelma and Louise. Thelma and Louise.

Oh, that's the one when they drove off a cliff, right? Yeah. Spoiler alert. Kind of like what I want to do right now, when you said those are two girls. So the second one, are you living with this girl? Yeah, yeah, the second one where it was engaged to be buried and working things out,

my older daughter calls her mom, like this is the family, that's the real family. Now you're family. Now I got a family, yeah, we just bought a mini van, huh? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So you're getting back into stealing? Right.

You could put more shit into minivan. Dude, we laughed, we near my lady joked about that. Like, we could probably rob a bank in a state. No one, no one would suspect us in the minivan. You don't have to feel untouchable in this fucking minivan. Now you girlfriend, you have accomplices. But here's the thing with you, you have Mike. So you come back and you have this kid and you get back together and then you just, how

many more kids did you have with your girl? Two more. Two more. Yeah. Tees, man. I mean, how long have you been nervous with the first one kind of coming out? Well, my rationale was like, we're going to be dead eventually. It was nice for him to have some family. Oh, I thought you meant like it's not our problem.

Like, okay. How old are you now? I'm 36. 36, so, wow. So you have two kids. What are the boy girl, how old? I have a four year old boy, almost five. Okay.

And one year old girl, almost two. So that's, you see, what you're doing and by answering that, like that, you're teaching me what I should have done. Three year old girl almost too. So that's you say what you're doing and by answering that like that you're teaching me what I should have done Three year old almost four. I kind of wanted to stop him. He's four So that's crazy dude. I mean that I mean not crazy in a bad way, but it's like I mean you're There's guy you you were meant to be a dad you like mean, you're a husband, a dad for the last 14 years, man. I mean, that to me being a dad now says so much to me about somebody

because it's so hard to be a parent. Especially in this business, having to be as selfish as we are and how you don't even how you have to kind of go out and that you have to, you know, instead of staying, look, I stay on my kid now, dude, he knows the difference between going on a plane, going in the car or going out to the shed and working. Right. I have a shed that I... I'm just joking off. No, I've only jerked off in the spot. But that is 14 years of being a father.

And imagine if you'd put 14 years in an improv, how far you'd be. Exactly the same place. Right. Improv is one let a show to improve. But yeah, they know the difference, between do you have a show tonight? Is it a far away show? Is it a show here?

But I also think that it's important like a big part of being a father is being a role model And I think a big part of being a role model is like if you show them if you show them well You do what you are meant to do rather than just slagging away It's something that you resent in order to pay the rent, you know, yeah, then maybe that I don't know My dad always did what he was, what was his calling. And that was important. I mean, that made an impression on me growing up

and that's what I thought men did and that's what I thought I was supposed to do. What do you do? He was a mathematician. Ooh, yeah. So he would just be up till, he'd do whatever he had to do and then he'd be up till three, four in the morning every night, like scribbling indecisive symbols on a piece of paper. Oh weird. Just like comedy. Is he still around?

Yeah, he is you know what? Do you love your dad? I love my dad. You have a good relationship with him. Yeah. I think that's it You you talked to your dad my dad's dead Wow, she will be right back Wow, she's, she'll be right back. Oh. No, no, no. This is, this is, DC, what about your dad? I'm tight with my dad. He's alone now.

He's 82. He lives alone, you know, so I got to keep an eye on him. But he was always, your mom got sick of getting hit. Oh, yeah. Now the, the, the doctors that made you, are you friendly with them? You're right. You're not right. You're good to us too.

Just too baby. Yeah. No, my dad was the angry dad when I was a kid. You know, he was one of those things like, dad's home, I love it. Now he's like on any depressions and he's totally checked out, it's weird. My mom used to be crazy too.

My mom had my sister when she was 15, had me when she was 18. And she was pretty, she was pretty fucking nuts at some point. When we were younger, she was, you know, cool, but then got a little crazy. And then when I got bad, I got bad around 10. I started drinking. And I started drinking heavily and used some drugs around 12, 13. And that's when me, I mean, me and her used to physically fight. I mean, at around 13, we used to, she'd be like,

you ain't going anywhere, but go fuck yourself. Could you take her? No, she was pretty tough, man. My mom was, she grabbed my hair and hold on like a black chick. Wow. You know what I mean? That's where it went. Yeah.

Right. But she can't grab it anymore, don't you? No, we're out being the shit out of my mother today. She had to grab my, she had to grab my bush fat. Just put a broomstick in her socks. That's interesting, but I'll just pull out easy though, because I'm 46, I'm old. I've just, you saw your mom.

Comes out like a dead body. What's that? I think you saw your mom in like that weird transition appeared that we're all, in our 20s, I think we're all fucking nuts. You know, I think he's my mom started, listen, my mom started taking a couple meds later in life that children the fuck out too. We were fighting up until around six, six, five years ago, maybe five, four years ago, maybe we were fighting. Wow. I mean, we would fucking not fist fight, not physically fighting. We did that when I was drinking

I got sobered 15. I've been sober for 30 years. Now I found Jesus Not Moses Well, we yeah, we we of course I love my mom, but we would verbally Tell each other to go fuck off. Oh,. So we would fight, fight on the phone, screaming yell, and I mean, just it was horrid. But she started taking some meds. And I, of course, went to therapy. I forgave her for a lot of shit.

And she said something to me one time that really made a lot of sense. We were fighting and she started laughing. And I go, I go, what the fuck are you laughing at? She goes, when are you going to get it? I'm not going to change. Yeah. Yeah.

She goes, I'm 60. This is, this is it. And I was like, I was just like, holy shit. I'm out. Yeah, you're right. I can't, nothing I say or do, no matter how evolved I become, is gonna make her have the willingness to change herself. I had that realization two years ago with my mom as we had a big little fight.

I think I said keep Robinson. Sorry, go ahead. No, I had a big fight like two years ago and I realized that she's not going to change. This is who she is. And it's either I can tolerate it or I can't. So as a result, I just don't talk to her anymore. Well, I, you know, that's fine too. Me and my mom didn't talk here and there, but I realized that the shit that she does has nothing to do with me. Exactly. And when she starts to do it, I can just scarred. I gotta go, talk to the LA.

Yeah, yeah. And just go. And I do that with a lot of people now. She used to call me out on a Tudor because I would just, I would take the kids over to see her and a minute that she started to get in that mode. I'd be like, all right kids, come on, pack your stuff up. Let's go.

You know what I mean? Yeah, good for you. And she would start to see that and then one day she called me out. Like, what is this? Because I think literally we were only there for like 12 minutes. Yeah Alright kids pack stuff up. We gotta go and say what is this you're always running out of here And I'm like listen, I just don't want to go down that road with you when you get into that level I have to cut these visits short and what was interesting to me was how she became like a typical female when she wasn't getting her way

Like if I would leave What what the fuck does that? Like because she would call, like if I leave and go, hey, I'm just gonna end this conversation, I'm gonna end this visit. I love the black guys, the only people that can say that now. If I said that, I would have fucking nine blogs about me. Everything I've ever had would be taken away. And I'm gonna get a some people say that,

oh, this is the street spec. No, I agree with you, keep going. That's the one fucking Brooklyn to wrap me out. Some people say that this is disrespect. I agree with you. Keep going. I still want to fucking Brooklyn to wrap me out. But she will call and leave these voicemails. These just cussing me out, calling me out of my name. And I'm like, there's nothing, there's no common sense in there that makes you go, wait a minute, this is my son. I just caught my son six times and just left crazy voice messages.

There's nothing in her As logically as goes let me stop this. It's a different generation. It's a generational thing We did not know what we know now what we knew 10 years ago about raising children Look at man back in the day you had a fucking hit your kid because he'll get trampled by Buffalo You're gonna go hey you fucking dummy get over here because he'll die trampled by Buffalo. You're gonna go, hey, you fucking dummy, get over here. Because he'll die. Have you guys hit your kids?

Never hit my kid, never way. Yeah, you hit your kids. You're the only guy I know that, I mean, like all my friends, none of them hit their kids. I don't have to have my older one anymore. I haven't hit her in a while. Jesus, God. What are we talking like?

Like Tyron? What are you talking like a spinoff, man? So it was always like, you know, what the fuck does that mean? She's too old to be hit now. Now I'm talking about him. What is I'm a man man? I can't hit a, I can't hit a teenage girl.

That's hitting a girl. Huh? Yeah, this is hitting and I'm a grown man. I'm a six foot three, 235 pound man. There's only but so much. That actually works to reverse and sex by the way. That's not what white girl is Not a white girl stuff. Oh Good movie. Have you ever hit your kids? I've slapped them on the wrist

Yeah, but what's tough at our house my 14 year old will sometimes like hit and kick us Really? Whoa I don't hit, uh, he'll punch. It's usually ends up being in the arms. I'm not the guy, you don't hear your wife. Nobody'll try. He'll show my life.

I don't hit. I said, I don't hit her. It's my son. I know, I know. No, he'll hit her in the gut. So what usually I'll, do you hit him back? I won't hit him, but I'll restrain it. Is he big?

He's my size. We share clothes. Wow. Luckily he's got a helmet my size. We share clothes. Wow. Luckily he's got a helmet on. Yeah. You know, Jesus Christ. Michael, I am so sorry. Michael, look at me.

Stay with me, Michael. Michael, stay with me. Listen, Michael, I am so glad you're here. Stay with me, Michael. I love it. It's his holy shit. He's gonna get in this fight. You know Mark?

Do you know Mark? Do you know each other? If the kid was, if I knew the kid, I wouldn't be saying these things. How come out get you to get this. You know Mark? Do you know Mark? You know each other? If the kid was, if I knew the kid, I wouldn't be saying these things. I could have, you know what? I hope the kid beats the shit out of you one day. Send the kid to my place. She thinks he's a bike messenger, but he just beats the shit out of you. I was holding in a line of trying to say put him in like a judo suit, you know what I mean?

I'm glad you held it in, cause you didn't get a laugh now. Listen, and if I can't solve it. I'm glad you held it in because you didn't get a laugh now. Listen, and a fucking song. I haven't used this Bob band dinner in two weeks. I think it's coming. Uh-huh. Hey, so you, so you, so, what was that? Orporate laugh. So he's very happy.

Look at that. Oh, that's a huge space commercial over here. That's a movie scope. Let's go. What the fuck? That's a perfect laugh. People use this sit there and just look angry. Oh god.

Hey, what would you just fucking scoff? No, you know, it just came out of nowhere. Michael. Uh, Michael. So, your other kids do you hit? No. No, because you don't, you're not into hitting your kids. No.

Why, do you hit your kids at DC? I don't know. I don't have kids, So I don't know. Are you ever going to have kids? No, it's done. I'm done. We that's why we got married because neither of us wanted kids. I'm a great uncle. I'm a great. Do you hit them? What are you? I just didn't I never want to kid. Why? Look at this poncho. I didn't anybody. I'm my entire family. We all hit. I hit my little cousins like everybody. We all have permission to hit you. So, yeah, I just, I don't, because I was hit too,

I just don't think it's, when I learned, when I found that it wasn't necessary, it's really actually not good to hit your kid. Even though it's not necessary. It's not necessary, you don't have to. You don't have to, but. You don't have to, and it, hitting a kid, the only thing you're teaching them is to hit other people when they get,

when they, when they feel wrong. So all you're teaching a kid when you hit them is if somebody does something that they're not supposed to do, you can hit them. What if he punches your wife? Like, well, like his kid, the punch of the mom. Okay, first of all, I'm of all. I'm not saying it. I'm not saying it.

I'm not saying the mom thing. You know, kids. No, I'll tell you right now my kid is going through a hitting thing in school. Uh huh. Yeah, hang on. Let me finish. All right, Max, right?

All right, Max. He said. Well, who's he? Another Max. He said, well, who's he hitting? Another kid? Well, what happens is, it's a language thing. It's not,

it's not, it's not for anybody. It's language. It's, he doesn't know how to say, hey, that's my toy, or can I play with you, or I don't want to go there. So what they do is that the,

I don't want to do this comes up in your body. If you don't know go there. So what they do is that the, I don't wanna do this comes up in your body. If you don't know how to say, Jane, Miss Jane, I don't wanna go inside yet. I wanna stay here, please. If you don't have the words to do that, you still feel the frustration and it just comes out. And they push, or they used to, you know, the kids will bite, when kids bite,

it's not, they're just going, I, and I wanna go there. I wanna toy or I want, they just don't have the verbal skills yet. So, ponytail means I wanna fuck you. Yeah. I mean, I guess. Never put a little girl's pigtails in front of you. Stop it. Exactly, would you go to a white school? You put a black girl's pigtails that comes off. Listen, I, I shouldigtails in front of you. I'm stuck. I thought you would go to a white school.

You'd pull a black girl's pigtails that comes off. Listen, I should beat the shit out of you. But she knew what you meant. True, I had to. But if you got hit as a kid, I know when I got hit as a kid and it wasn't that much. Can I just say something?

I didn't do it again. Whatever it was. No, I didn't do it again. OK, I taught my kid how not to hit by giving him the words. I gave him the words. So we would say, okay, he'd be playing with something. I'd go over and take it. And he'd be like, and he'd get mad.

I go, are you mad because I took your toy? Yes. Say dad, say dad, I know it's hard to be a parent, isn't it? Say dad, can I please don't take my toy away? And he would go, dad, please don't take my toy away. And I'd be like, I'm sorry, here's your toy max. And he'd be like, oh, and then I go say thank you. And I'd be like, he go, thank you.

Now he has the skills. So now when somebody takes something, he's not gonna get frustrated. He's gonna go, hey, can I have my toy back? And the kid's gonna give it back or not. Now, the kid doesn't give it back. I can tell him beat the shit out of the kid. But, or her. But you understand? What I'm saying is. Now, if you hit that kid, now, if that kid comes up and hit, the other day, he fucking punched me in the stomach.

Yeah. It broke his arm, dude. I should just, I mean, I she's still in there. He got stuck in the belly button. So I have a. I'm never bringing that stomach like is in the TV. Not bring a water.

I have. You're belly ring. I have a no. I have a belly button. Hernia. I got one of those. You got what I meannia Did you get yours fixed? They said wait around wait see what happens. Yeah, what is that? I'm getting don't even Google it They said if it turns blue you get to the house

That means the shit there's a shit not Do you really want to switch to this? Well, I'd like to know about this. I type it in. People have never gonna have to. Naval, hernia. Naval, hernia. I don't have a babble, no, you can't see it. It's just a little, it's when you're the walls of your intestine gets a hole in it from coughing, sneezing, a bunch of different things and your intestines come out through the hole

and out through your belly button. Oh my God. It's like a little knot. Go to go, yep, type in belly button, hernia. Are you all right? Are you literally retarded right now? Just go to images. There we go.

Okay, ready? Now go now, now mine's not bad. Yeah those yeah Those are bad that one's got an erection. Yeah, that one's bad. I don't know how to be Yeah, that's not I don't have that you got to go get dealt with the media No, I don't even have that either now. I have I have where's that little fat, the middle one right there next to the- That's an unsolicable size. No, right there, yeah, go to that one. So it's not that one, yeah, that's all.

No, not that one. The one you were on when I said that one, you fucking nump school. Oh, Lauren, please. No, no. Maybe mine's less than that. Yeah, really, all right. Yeah, it's not that mine is way less.

Doesn't hurt? It doesn't hurt when it stops to hurt You have to get you have to go. Yeah, that means what happens is there's a slice your intestines are coming out of your stomach In through the hole into your belly button Yeah, then it locks around it locked. It's so it's stuck, you know I push mine back in oh you did oh you can push you can push yours back in I have to do that right now No, I'm not gonna do it right now. I swear to God You can push your right back in push in

It's sensitive like me. Well, here's the thing is if you pick something out it can shoot out more If you put pressure on it, it's the most common hernia you can get. Yeah, apparently two people in this room have it. And what was that a hernia on a baby band? What is that band right there? Oh, maybe we get that. Just keep it in hernia with a herpy or something. No, right there. Yeah, click on that. What is that? Oh, man. Hernia is a pretty. What do you want? What are we? One of those you want one? Okay, give me two. Give me two. Hey, two. We're not forties on me kid. Yeah Like I used to buy a beer It's around

I give you a nice hernia support. I got two of them. I'm gonna get them off I'm gonna get you a Yankee candle came all the way around to corsets again. Yeah, yeah, wow Well, do you think your corset training they just got her. There you go. Yeah, it's terrible But you get them when you get them the other ones does it brutal when oh those are bad type in Groind hernia That'll help push mine out of the whole ones too. You get the oh the asshole horn. Oh type in asshole hernia That's our hernia. I thought that was a yeah, these are bad. Oh, yeah, yeah scroll down do do do do no stop So people are go to yeah, I have one on the left side

Scroll down go to an image up up that right there that image right there click on that one That's a fucking Yeah, those are the bad ones That's yeah, that's something else It says it right there. It's a hernia. But what that's his intestines hanging out? Yeah, that's some of them. That doesn't even fit into Man's torso. Well, his his dick. He is dick goes away. Tell you Yeah, it's close in this way. It's just before Nice laced and he's not circumcised. This guy's a little bit wrong.

Don't show the penis because I don't think we can on the YouTube. But it's, yeah, it's, yeah, it's terrible, right? Those are the bad ones. You don't want to get, if you get one of those, you're in trouble. Why wouldn't it get to the bad one? It was black and you screaming at it. Because it's, that's how I was. I have this gross.

It's, it's, yeah, those are bad, man. That's when you're, see how that, that shoots down there and goes into a ball sack and just fills it up. Those are not as common. And when you get one of those, you're in trouble. You're in trouble. Because what happens with those ones,

the intestines can get knotted up and, and then the shit gets stuck in a little piece, and that piece dies. And then you're dead, you can die. That's why you hit your kids. There you go. Let's go back to that. I don't have.

Well, you have. It's an easier time. Sorry, I mean, I learned something, but Jesus. I said, you want to really segue into this shit. Yeah. And you guys are like, yeah. Well, I love something. Now I know, we can move on.

Well, you got to be careful when you pick something up or you cough or sneeze. I got mine from sneezing Well, I love some. Now I know, we can move on. Well, you gotta be careful when you pick something up or your cough or sneeze. I got mine from sneezing too hard and being fat. Really? Yeah, because I was on a protein, all protein, because I've been on that no sugar no grain. When you have protein, protein shakes, and what it does, you have a pee and it's all foam.

Yes. That's protein. Oh, I didn't know.'t know that foam is in your stomach That foam causes bloat so there's no room for your when you cough Really already full so you're pushing There's no room to push so now you'll push a hole in your your your the wall your stomach and I had a bad cold Now I'm on this diet, I have this cold, I'm sneezing and really like hot shoe and coughing

and it ripped a hole in my stomach and my, there's the hernia. All right, so hold on, say this thing again about the foam build up and you're stomach. Okay, when you have too much protein, okay, protein, when you piss and you see all that foam like a beer, right?

That's protein. So foam is good in your piece. Well, foam is good in the pee, but if you're bloated, it's not good. Like it was bloating me. I had, I was taking these protein shakes because I wasn't eating carbs and sugars. I tried these protein shake that I was fucking losing my mind on.

Trying to get healthy and eat it. Trying to get healthy. And what I did is I bloated, I filled my stomach up with all this gas and I was bloated and all that foam is in your stomach. And I think I got that then. That could be discharge. What?

What he has. What do you mean? He's the infection. You know, if you're peeing foam a lot. Now I'm not peeing foam. Like I drink a lot of water so I keep my pee clear but I'm wondering if all the foam is inside You'd be it out. No, if you pee it would be foamy my pee is clear. Yeah, then you don't have that

So when you I'm having trouble getting abs again and you rip that hymen. Did you feel it? Like did you feel it that the first rip I Might I don't know I might have I mean when I sneezed, I was sneezing like, I try to teach myself kung fu when I sneeze. You know too, the fucking really let it out. Stop calling them a Jew. Jesus. He's Jewish too.

You go on to him. So, so I might have, I might have done it then because what happened was on the inside of my belly button It was the wall was almost like Mushi, you know like the inside of your belt is pretty tight, you know, it's a tight little belly button But the right side of it was a little mushy and then Later that night I felt a little bump and I was like what what the fuck is that? And I call it course dark. You read this randomly digging in your belly button. Were you looking for something?

No, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know why this is a question. I don't know why I was in my belly button. Maybe it's the thing I do that I didn't know I did. That's a right now. I mean, it's good because I didn't find out. I was like in college when I found out you really spoke clean inside there.

I didn't know. Oh, yeah, you're supposed to. I was sitting find, I was like in college when I found out you really spoke to clean inside there, I didn't know. Oh yeah, you're supposed to clean. I was sitting in a fucking recliner and college playing video games. I'm like, someone needs to take the fucking trash out and just just my fucking belly button. Oh, yeah. Because I hadn't been washing it for years

and I didn't know. Oh, fucking, I was like 18 and I just learned about cleaning out your belly button. What was in it like, Mac and Cheat? What was in it? It's just like, you know, basketball sweat, uncircuit size belly button. That's exactly the, literally the three point shot for your giz.

That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You think gay guys do that? What is that? What is that? It's a dirty belly. I can't look at that. I can't do that. I know, my mom was a that bad. My mom was just stinking. They're extracting stuff.

That one is in there. Is that growth? Is that a leaf coming out of there? Yeah, the guy's growing fucking. He's, this clock suck is growing a tree. Longhorn cheese. Wow, that's fucking gross. All right, oh, yeah.

They're actually pulling dirt out of them. Gross gross. I try to watch scopos act. I'll tell you what. I'm gonna say this right now. Scopo got funny. No way. I called him up a week ago. I had to do bananas. I called him up. I needed somebody and I called him up and go, did you give funny? I called him up. I needed somebody and I called him up and go, did you give funny? And he goes, I did and I go, okay, come this weekend. Every show he killed. Get out of good for him. Every show he killed, every show he had a great show. He had fun with the crowd talking. I don't know if he's been hosting or whatever he's been doing, but he's not this. I, so I got a big ass. He's having fun. And I'm talking, I let the crowd speak from,

we were outside meeting and greeting, shaking hands and kissing babies after the show. And people walking up to him, like, you were great, you were great. And I almost went really, but he's, look, I'm, you know, he did great, he did great. And, you know, I mean, the crowd will let you know, my crowd will, especially the people that come see me.

They'll be like, boo. And they fucking love them. Because he's blunt shows with me, man, where it didn't go good. Yeah, yeah. So I stopped using them. Man, all right, I'll switch that joke to Deepu. Okay.

Okay. Anyways, yeah, we're talking about hitting kids. I just don't think you need to hit them. I don't think you need to hit them forever You stop after wow Like I think I would think you would hit I would actually say I feel like if you got a hit if you hit if you hit a if you hit a kid You would hit them later Why would you hit a kid that can't? Yeah, you don't got a smack. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no kill now it's time to be a civilian again. That is a jamas and now. We were defending the country. What is that? What do you want?

What the? You have time to meet kids in the sleeper sales. Like how do you don't you? I know growing up I was afraid of getting hit. So it's a deterrent. It was a turn. I wouldn't do certain shit, especially if I did it once. Out of fear.

I got my ass beat out of fear. I wouldn't do it again. Out of fear. But I see my friends kids out of fear. I wouldn't do it again. Out of fear. But I see my friends kids, and they're not scared of anything. They're like, wait, you're gonna give me a time out. Yeah, I know it's wrong, but I'm still fucking doing it. But then you call me. You talk about, wait, man, let me just, I'm not gonna, let me just deal with this before

you fucking jump on me to you two cock suckers. Fucking mentally ill douchebags you are. Here's, here's a deal. You're talking about a timeout. Okay, that's a consequence, but there's other consequences that you give the kid. Take toys away. Well, look at you take a lot of things away

and it will affect the child. You can go, I'm gonna count to five and that will fuck them up for some reason. We're talking about a three year old, four year old, five year old. Yeah. But this stuff, hang on though, it's because later on, the reason why they are later on, the way they are, and Mike, please chime in, is because you didn't, you did what you did early.

Okay. So when you teach your kid about anger and you teach a kid about rage and you teach a kid fear, then when they're older is when you're like, they're like, go fuck yourself. But if you teach a kid at a young age, they can use their words, they can negotiate, you can talk, you don't have to write from wrong.

These things they're gonna have when they're a little older. Now, are they gonna have their own personality? Are they gonna be who they are? Absolutely, I'm not saying it works every fucking time. But I'm saying that you have to give your kid a shot. Sure he got it. Now, you can't come out of the fucking womb going, this kid's gonna be a fucking asshole.

Wack, shut the fuck, don't do that. I said no, you're gonna get a spank. You can, now later in life, if this kid's gonna be a fucking asshole. Wack, shut the fuck, don't do that. I said, no, you're gonna get a spank. You can, now later in life, if your kid's beating the shit out of your wife at 14, you might go, hey, knock it the fuck off. But even in that case, he's not abusing his kid. He's hugging him, stopping him, knowing that it's not his fault. I think you're missing what I'm trying to say is,

you got it. Hang on, hang on. I just wanna hear what you have to say well I win when when my oldest son was younger He was very different. He was always a really difficult kid And there were sometimes when we discipline him like with his banking right and I regret doing that You regret it. Why because now he's violent and he ah ha and I so you taught him I taught physical violence Yeah, and I wish we'd never done that. did you teach him when to use it and when not to

What are you fucking shot? That's what I'm teaching that's for you teacher because not you got to let them know there's some people that you can handle Shit with words and it is gonna be other people as you can't and you got to be prepared to deal with that situation also I mean, I'm don't hit me, but hit your mom. Yeah, no, no. Why would you teach him that? No, I did. I'm kidding.

Yeah, when your son is calling you, really don't know improv, do you? Because some guy from long Island, yes, no, right out of you. Yeah, when some guy from Long Island rips a cab from your kid and your dad calls you and your son calls you goes, I don't know what happened. I can't say that. Say that again. Or rips a cat for what?

Some fucking. Okay, go ahead. To do Italian dude. To his group fighting. Make him Greek. Spear. A lot of people. Spear.

Rose. He threatens to slap your kid if he doesn't let the fucking cab go. All right. Well, why is the cab going somewhere? What do you mean the cab? Cause your son went to hail a cab and then someone jumped in front of him and stole it. Right. And threatened him with violence

And your son caused you like I don't know what happened I counted the five and he didn't get the fuck out the cat. Yeah, okay, so get the next cap You want your son to just get walked around like that? He get walked around like that because now Me personally, right? You know my rage and violence will come out You know when I'll fucking cut somebody's head off with a fucking CD my rage and violence will come out. You know when I'll fucking cut somebody's head off with a fucking CD, when I'll fucking murder somebody, when my wife or my child or somebody I love isn't jeopardy. But you know how to do that. Let me finish. Let me finish. When somebody was some, I know how to do it because I was abused. When somebody like anybody, some dude jumps in front of

me and gets a cab and takes it. Okay. I'd be I fuck you And I punch him in the face false hits his head fucking dead. I go to jail My my son has no dad my wife has no husband They have to move wherever the fuck they have to move because they don't have money And I'm in fucking jail because of some moron That tried to bully me. Who gives a fuck? Now, I stepped out of that situation. The guy takes the cab, I get the next one.

I go home to my fucking family. Yeah. Now a guy breaks into my house. I'll fucking murder him. I have no problem with fucking that. That's not what you're teaching your son. You're teaching your son, hey, get out of here. I'm gonna count to five and you better be gone.

No, I'm not. I'm teaching my son, okay? get out of here. I'm gonna count to five and you better be gone. No, I'm not. I'm teaching my son, okay? That there's a time and a place for everything. If somebody is going to hurt you, my kid goes to a tight one though, right? I'm teaching him.

I'm teaching hit. I'm teaching hit. You're letting somebody else hit away. Nobody hit away. You're not hitting him. Buddy, he's three and a half. They're not hitting. They're just, they're going, hey, hey, hey, they're not hitting. Fucking count Korean, buddy. He's three and a half. They're not hitting. They're just they're going Hey, hey, hey, they're not

Fucking count Korean to 10. That's all there are kids in the projects right now. We're getting each other. My kid is learning that my kid is learning discipline My kids learning Yes, he's learning how he's gonna have to throw a punch. He's gonna have to fucking defend himself But he's also gonna by doing that. He's gonna learn that he doesn't really need to what do and if someone's gonna have to fucking defend himself, but he's also gonna, by doing that, he's gonna learn that he doesn't really need to. And if someone's gonna hurt him, he'll be able to defend himself or get out of it. But I'm not, I would never teach my kid if somebody took a cap.

Now give me an example that's better than... I hate what we're doing the same thing. I just don't have the budget for karate, okay? I'm not at that level in my career yet. I have to teach him myself. Look at his, it's not that expensive. I didn't wait until I was 40, okay. I'm just saying that you don't, you know,

it doesn't have to be like abuse of a child his whole fucking life. Like it sounds like from you, you had a really bad experience and that's called, and you're turning around 360 degrees and saying I'm not gonna spank my kid because that's really bad experience growing up. No, that's not, I'm not living, so that's living, that's not gonna spank my kid because that's really bad. I'm not experienced growing up. No, that's not what I'm not living.

So that's living my life through my kid. I'm not doing that. I don't think you should live your life through because this happened to me, it's never gonna happen to you. I'm doing what people, doctors, and everybody have written about and said, you should not do this. There's no book that says, hit your kid.

Get me the book that says, it's okay to hit your kid. And I will fucking read it and I'll start whacking that little fucking bean right now. Book deal comes through and it gets published. Now we'll bring it to you. You get what I'm saying? I just say, so you're talking about,

you're talking about, I think there are levels though. I think there are levels. What's the, what dude? There's no, there's nobody in the kid industry at all that will say it's, oh, you have to, that kid industry. Yeah, I'm talking about doctors and teachers

and people who dedicate their lives to raising fucking children. There's nobody that says hitting your kid is necessary and you should do it. All this time's in places to hit your kid. Now, look at, I'm not saying, if you sp hitting your kid is necessary and you should do it. All this time and places to hit your kid. Now look at, I'm not saying, if you spank your kid, that's what we're talking about. Yeah, what do you think I'm just coming home?

Like, hey, how was school today? Blau, like, nah, that's not happening. But I'm saying, I don't think, but I don't think you really need to. Yeah, and it's also spanky. You're saying it's not how they learn how to defend themselves. No. Yeah, but my dad was really rough on me and I saw him. Yeah, but you're also spanky. It is not how they learn how to defend themselves. No Really rough on me and

Doing things Bang and everybody One I think it just because you never know where world are gonna end up in World what world what world? I mean look you saying that you're where've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, I've been in, the fucking kids go, you know? What do you mean? When I'm not with them and they need to defend themselves. Like if you said you jumped a defend your child when someone banged on the fucking window because that was your natural instinct. I should have got out of the car and go, what are you doing? And he would be like, well, you almost said my mother

I'd be like, buddy, I would never do that. I mean, in a perfect world. I could have walked out. But that would have both went, I'm white and his laugh would have came out Tony the TV Tony the TV looks great by the way Tony, man Tony is the motherfucker who put this whole studio Tony would hit his kid Tony

Come here for a second Tony would you hit your kids if you had kids and he was dissim and not being good or you know disobeying would you hit him? Tony stop Tony. Wait. Where are you from? We're in nationality Mexico. Yeah, there you go Well, that's why he's hanging TVs. Ha ha ha. What the fuck? That was Mark. That's not wrong with you. All right.

She's not gonna prove. I'm sorry, I just say funny things. What are you doing? Sorry. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Don't ever change, Mark. Don't ever change. I don't know. I mean, look, man, I have a friend of mine who would, you would never think would hit his kid. Little fin dude. White guy. Really? White guy. I mean, whiter than white. Whiter than fucking Mike White.

Mighter than, I mean, whiter than him white. Yeah. All right. Finn guy and you would never think he spanks his kid, but he spanks his fucking kid. Yeah. He gives him away. Is he married? I know two guys like that. Two of them. There's a very angry. Married house and they will spank their kid his wife is satisfied sexually

I don't know where this is I don't know where this fucking urban night is going Urban Earth Urban myth strikes again Whatever crowd work you're doing with me right now. I don't get it But I don't want to fall victim to your horse shit. So what do you do really? What do you know? I don't know how I became I don't want to fall victim to your horse shit. So what do you do really? What do you do?

Well, I don't know how I became the guy with the shitty shirt in the front row, but go fuck yourself. Listen, again, let's promote your show, amazing show tomorrow night. Wednesday night, anybody in the chat room, please, go mail. Please spread the word, go to YouTube right now, or I mean, go to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, tweet it out. It's at the Comedy Cellar. That's what I'm pushing.

The New York, what is the Comedy Cellar Twitter thing? The Comedy Cellar. NYC. On Twitter, it's up there. Retweet the link. Buy some tickets. Come down. It's up to the very intimate room.

Really sexy room. I love it. I'm actually doing my hour there. Cool. When? Your hour. You can tell me. Oh, you shook it. I'm actually doing my hour there. Cool. When? Your hour? Yeah. Oh, she should get you. Yeah. No, I was. I can't stay. You got to do it. I got a new hour. Oh, right. Quick. Yeah, but it's 30 minutes. I think 28 minutes of it is about

jizz and the rest is about. I'm your shot. And the rest is about a one year old Max. It's a weird hour. I mean, and this is what happens when I, I, I gotta hurt. I, well, Jesus, you're hot pockets. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, together. Well, I love it. I know Apple's working on merging together. Well, I just yeah, I got I got a new I got over an hour and it's awesome. It is awesome, but a lot of it is it's starting to come together because some of it

is from a year and a half ago and where I was there is not where I am now. My kids, everything's different. I evolve. When you evolve all the time, I think your jokes kind of evolved too. So I got stuff, even on my last special I did. It was like, there was stuff in that that was from two years before, three years before,

and at the end, there was this other stuff that was brand fucking new from having the kid, and it wasn't the same type of shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? And you can't make it the same material, because I don't do set up punch tag. I kind of hide my set up punch tag is in stories.

So you kind of think I'm just talking and making it up, and I kind of add a bunch of different form like I do You know I act it out. I do you know I do my wife's character But I the jokes are hidden in stories and along with improv like I'll dip into the crowd I don't have to but I will and it brings it all together and that it's changed So but now I got this hour and I have to I have to cut off a lot of stuff. Now you have to do the work. Now I'm going to have to go in and this, you know, I'm going to have to lose this fucking five minute show. You got the meat of it. I got the meat of it, but some of the meat, a lot

of it, the meat it tastes like just. So I can't, I got, I'm going to work it out at the, the fact that I was going to tell us about the show again tomorrow night. Oh, dude, it's tomorrow night at 8 30. It's a great show. We're doing New York stories. So they're all there's one about one dude used to be he's used to be a detective. There's so there's a baby story. There's a great baby story is there's subway stories. There's all kinds of so we're doing New York stories. I'm a host it. How you filming it? No, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, We are. We are filming a little bit of pieces. I'm glad you know what you're talking about.

Little bits and pieces. Little bits and pieces. So it's going to be great, man. It's going to be a great show on it. And it's what I love to do. Tomorrow night, man. Yeah, he's the, I mean, DC man. I mean, he gets on stage and all of a sudden

it's this long. You can't do five minute sets. No, DC. No, man. You can't do five minute sets. DC. Now man, you can't, you need at least 15, 20 minute DC set. Because it's a monster tomorrow. That would be good. It's gonna be great.

So tomorrow night and then of course your shows are so I'm doing my hour on there on the ninth. So and we get the laughable show at the village on the ground on the second. The 22nd me Norman list. Sweet. Who else? J train? Dave Temple. Yeah. Dave. We need a black guy. Who else is on laughable? I don't know. We do need a black guy. So no, he's not. But anyways, it's the new app laughableapp.com iOS people go get it right now. It's

the only way to listen to podcasts. Oh, listen to podcasts. And especially this one too, because you're gonna get everybody. I don't know. I think we've we've covered it all. We've got to get plugs. Yeah, we haven't got to yet. Oh, I thought you plowed that. No, we're not we're not. No, I just plugged that in the middle show. We might not have been done. We're about to talk about what's making you so racist, man. You know, I just try to keep it all easy. I'm ha. Don Rickles it.

I mean, fun everybody. Oh, is that the way where this is? I feel like, do you ever want kids? Ah, no. I think about, I have the fantasy of having like that 16 year old, we're hanging out, but then I don't want to, I don't do all the work with the baby and then, you know, when he's 36.

I don't think you have to worry about that. I think a 16 year old will find you. What are you saying, Michael? I don't want to do all the work with the baby and then, you know, when he's 36, I think you have to worry about that. I think a 16 year old will find what he's saying. Like, I don't think 16 is the good part. I think it's, yeah, when they're three, four, five. All right. Well, everybody says, you know, this is the weird thing with me. Everybody says enjoy this thing because this is the bad and the one that I've enjoyed every single part of it. Yeah. Even the three to four is the, there's no terrible twos.

It's actually three, three, five, three, four, five is when they're really bad. Three to four is really, by the way, it's when they sign that NBA contract. That's when you come back into life. Hey. You're lucky. Right.

Well, among the minds of becoming a fucking assistant manager at a Best Buy. Yeah. I'm not hitting you. I'm really, I'm really, really. Well not hitting you. I'm really happy. Well, that's what I'm worried about. That's the one thing you talk about this, the one thing I'm worried about by being a good dad

is I'm not gonna fuck him up enough to have talent. Right. Right. You got him a list. I mean, you've got to do it. Oprah, Tyler Perry. She doesn't write that down. I'll show you.

Literally, I don't know what you got. Leave the show. Leave the show. That's the name of the new hour. You got a molest. You got a molest, folks. Wow. No.

The name of the new house is true story. You know, just send them all. Not named. You got a molest. No, got a molest. Send them all. I would sell 500 more thousand copies of it. Yes, you would.

I had that joke in my act where I talk about how fat guys never get arrested. It's always in shape, guys, that, you know, I would never do anything you have to escape from. I go, but fat guys, what do they do, Malest? The only guys in jail is I'm a lestus. Right. It's very, because that doesn't take that much effort. Yeah.

With a hernia belly button. Look at Jared Vogel. He was fat. He still went back to molesting. Yeah. It's in his jeans. For that joke, never gets a laugh. All the hair at the front guy goes, ha ha.

Go on molester on the back. Oh, that's funny. That's funny. Oh, yeah. Lessons and comedy shows. Oh yeah. Um, wait, do you know something? They love comedy, they need a laugh. Well, I really am. I do worry about that.

That my kids are going to be so healthy that they're good. They're just going to be, you know, regular mediocre people. Right. Well, because what fucked us up is what made us good. Exactly. Right? Is this, is this, do you want your kid doing this? Ooh.

I don't know. Do I, I love it. Yeah, I love this. Would you rather him like he said? Yeah, I, buddy, I'm doing a schedule, I guess. I have two cars and I live in Westchester, have a nice house. Okay, I know, kidding. No, I've got five in them.

You want bedroom, you want room apartment in Queens. Well, yeah, but here's a deal. You could move up to Westchester and have a house if you want it, but you just don't want to live in Westchester. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, no, it's absolutely. You could live in Queens.

I could live in Queens too, but I'd have to get an apartment. You know what I mean? You could move up there, but you liked the city life with your kids. I do. Yeah, you do. Yeah, that's fine.

I just didn't like it anymore. And I grew up in the suburbs. I grew up in Boston and a house with parks and cars and shit. So to, I forgot about that because I spent 16 years in Hell's Kitchen. And then when I got up there, I was like, oh my God, this is the best ever. I get to drive into my driveway and leave my bags

in the car and the windows down and fucking sit on my front lawn and smoke a cigar and wave to Dolores my lovely Irish Italian neighbor Hi Bobby hi Dolores. It's a tree swing. I have barbecues. Probably take a shit with the door closed Got a bathroom that's big enough. I do. Yes. I do I have to open I have to roll a dice roll a dice But it's a choice right my dumb wife put a bond door on the fucking bathroom To you shit. It's kind of still open. Yeah, yeah, guess never want to shit at my house I'd be it's a good thing. No, that's good. I remember Amy was like where's the bathroom?

I know this is gonna be a good one. I should video tape this just behind the cow House that actually DC help me remember? Yeah, that was great. That was great. I was great. Well, I helped you what? Well, DC, this is what the story is this and I've told them before. The night I got my kid from the hospital, I got in a fight with a, uh, bum, a homeless person.

Uh, while it was black dude walking the street, flip flops, no shirt jeans, kick my dog. Oh, shit. So now I'm, I'm on my phone. I have my dogs. It's two in the morning. I have my dogs on the leash. They're not blocking. You can get around. Yeah. But I was on the phone with my mother. I'm exhausted. I just had a kid. I'm fucking twisted. Yeah. I'm twisted. And I hear my dog guy kicks my dog and I go, what are you fucking nuts? And he goes, watch your dogs, motherfucker. And I was like, you and I just a lot,

and all came out, just all came out. And I was nose to nose and he wasn't having me. He was like, fuck you bitch. I was like, fuck you, you fucking. And it escalated and I was like, how fucking? I'm gonna fucking rip your fucking. And he's like, fuck. And it got to, I actually,

it's the potted. I got my boss, and I probably would have got my ass beat too. I mean, just cause this guy would have probably at this point, hit you with a flip flop or some shit. I had two fucking dogs with me. What am I gonna do? I'm gonna let my dogs go. I'm gonna have to.

Homeless people they wanna get knocked out. Well, this guy fight, well, he goes like this, this is funny part. I'm like, fuck you, I'm gonna fuck it. I'll kill you right the fuck now. And he looked at me and he went, you don't like black people? And I went, no, no, no, I look.

I was like, what are you talking about? I was like, he's robbing you. Kevin Hart, you know Kevin Hart? I called Lou Cabs, that's how close we are. And I was just starting to name him a black dude. And he literally did that. He was like, you know like black people by the fucking screened it.

And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was like, you know what, he's funny. He was like, you know, like black people motherfuckers screamed it. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no have a baby now, you go home to get a baby. And then she handled him. That's awesome. I called up DC many the next day who did real, does real estate has his real estate license. That's how smart he is. He's not only one of the funniest guys in the world. He's fucking does real estate. Call them out. I said, I go, how long, how long

would it take me to get out of this situation and get a house? Because I had a, I didn't have enough money in the bank at that point to just go buy a new house I had to sell my house. Yeah get out of it rent a house and then buy a house. Oh my partner was a shit 47 with the 47 between 19 10. Oh Shower whatever they're Five shower heads My god when I was saying you, you wonder how Kim keeps that ass clean.

That shower head, baby. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, so, yeah, I had a cell. I said, how long he was six months, buddy, at the minimum. Yeah, I think it was six months to the day. I go, let's go. And then we got you the sick,

free and roared guy. They got me two fucking lion tamers from Vegas. What else? Oh, that's queer. Yeah. Why did you keep on top of those guys? I had to keep on top of those guys. You would call me. I did talk about the man. I was mad. I was mad. I didn't talk you off the legs. Well, because he did it. Fuckers do it. Do this. Right. To my friend. Do it right. They're like, how good is he? Well, he wanted to do sit. He goes,

we should put it on for like, 6.50. Some like that. And I was like, do seven will come down. Yeah, they call me and be like, he wants to do seven. I'm like, listen, listen, do what he says. You know, and I was right. I was fucking right. These clock suckers, we went here and we wound up there

and set a stop there and going here. We're gonna go down. When you're selling a house, you're going to fuck down. From whatever you're not. Unless the market's crazy and everybody wants you. How's that? You had a good shot at selling it at your address.

And I sold it and I got my money. They just wanted to move quick. I know they did. I didn't want to do the fucking work. Yeah. They didn't, because I sent somebody to, I sent somebody in to go in and make sure they would do, and they were fucking Lallie Gaggen.

They walked in and they were just, they weren't even talking about the apartment. Concessing. I said one of your black friends. No, not that. Not that. I don't know, did you just say you don't have it? They wouldn't do that.

What you got out, dude, you got out. I got out, and I wound up going up right where I was gonna live, known the guy who owns a comedy cell, I'm a friend of mine, good friend of mine, had his new house, but he still had his old house that he was paying for. I mean, he was paying for it, but the taxes up there like fucking 2500 a month.

Yeah, geez. Okay, so I go, dude, your house is sitting there, you payin' the, let me rent it, and he goes, all right. So I rented his house, five bedroom house, amazing house for like 25 hundred a month while I looked for my house. Uh huh. Then I found my house and I went to the real estate guy and I didn't want to use those two guys from you.

I went to the guy who was selling it. I go, you're my guy. So you're making the whole commission, baby. I go, you just get me a good deal. You don't have to fuck these people, but don't fuck me. And we got an a insane deal and then you sent me the video He sent me the video of your first day driving to the house after you closed on it. Yeah, driving up the driveway It was almost six months to the day. It was awesome. I mean six months to the day

I got the house because of DC Benny and I can't leave a hobo kicked your wife So much one of the funniest people That's why I swear to God. I'm telling you they made him at comic relief That's why we're only hung on self We shouldn't let them on to the world. He's too crazy. He's mean, he's not ready. And Billy Krissler, we got him out of that. No, who's like, we should.

And then now here he is. All right, guys, great show today. Awesome. Really a little crazy at the beginning, I think. A little crazy. You were here. You were here. Once you put your headphones on, you got it. You know, radio works.

Take things for the plug, appreciate. You got it. Hey, man, great meeting you. I mean, what an interesting life you have. And then, you know, and I'm glad that I'm glad everything's going well for you too now, right? Yeah, I think everything is good. I'm happy.

I feel engaged in my life. That's the main thing. So yeah, right? Yeah, I think everything is good. I'm happy. I feel engaged in my life. That's the main thing. So yeah, so thank you. You get engaged in your life. You got a great family. What an interesting fucking story. And you're doing comedy. I mean, you stuck to it.

You made a hard choice. And now you're backing your son. You're in your son's life fully, not that you will never were, but you know, you're a family. That's that man. That's a crazy great story in my book. And you live in New York City and funny guy in a show is amazing by the way. The bowling alley shows incredible.

Is that what it's called? Where's the bowling alley show? So, hey, DC you're doing it in a couple of times. How about that? It's called, it's actually, it's a franchise of a show we started in Chicago called comedians You should know first of all first of all I fucking love that show great show I'll tell you why it's a great show these guys weren't getting stage time the clubs weren't letting them up Awesome, yeah, and they went okay go fuck yourself. They found a room and

This is where alternative comedy, it's not different styles of comedy. It's just the turn of turn of venue came from. It's not like they're not telling jokes, they're fucking telling jokes. Just they had a fun and place to do it. These people, these guys in Chicago did it and it's a it wanna be in a hit.

So now it's a franchise. I didn't know was that great for you, man. I love that you Part of the original guys. I'm one of the guys who started in Chicago. Yeah, and then moved out here about a year and a half ago. Get the fuck. I like it even more now. Thank such great man. We come back on I'd love to awesome man. Yeah great great to have you on and what do you got? Plugged your stuff. And what do you got? Plug your stuff. Uh, comedians you should know at the bowling alley, gutter bar in Brooklyn every Wednesday night. One of the greatest logos too. I love the fucking logo. God damn it. It makes me angry. What should I put you know what dude? It's not a nice. It's too much.

Um, what else? What's your Twitter? Uh, at Mike Leibovitz. Right underneath that right there is at Michael Leibovitz. Lebi OVITZ. There we go. You're under any name. Check him out. Thanks for coming on. Yeah. What do you got? My friend, uh, right underneath there right there is at Michael Leibowitz L-E-B-O-V-I-T-Z There we go you're underneath your name check them out thanks coming on yeah what do you get my friend my black friend I'm using you next time too oh sweet yeah I'll fight for you Bobby but you really did you fight for me I got a lot of aggression to get out I mean I just stopped doing it on your kids I don't hit my kids I. I'm doing pull ups and pushups in the park, man. That's helping.

I'm gonna muscle up now, you know what I mean? I'm over the bar, you know, with the big guys out there in the park. Good. Yeah, you look big. You look big. I'm trying, man. It's not helping me with stage at all.

Like I'm not getting booked as a result. Don't get too big, because nobody wants to laugh at a fucking guy. This sooner I get on, the less I have to do pushups and pull up to deal with But Dave temple comedy dot com is the website check out my tour dates. Yeah, or road gigs whatever Yeah, yeah, I'm what else you got very fun. It's sold out show this weekend and Philly at the urban saloon It's already sold out. Yeah, yeah, man my guys and I guys and I are from Center City Comedy, we're gonna be doing this.

Love those guys. Philly, yeah, so that's already sold out this year. So you're still guys still doing the podcast? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the podcast's still going on. Center City Comedy podcast, I got my own podcast I do by myself called First World Problem. Yeah, you know what? Promote that one, dude.

Yeah, when you follow me on social media, at I'm Dave Temple across all social media platforms, where it really matters? Oh, right. It's just something that I like. Why, you got all the fucking... You got to want... Yeah, check the dates on the website, man.

I'm actually going to Calgary and May. Whoa, Calgary's beautiful. The last shot. That's my first time getting up there. That's great. And what else I got next weekend? The 12th. I'm at the World Cafe Live in Philadelphia. And what else I got next weekend at the 12th. I'm at the World Cafe live in Philadelphia.

Right, a lot of Philly stuff. Yeah, yeah, I'm getting a little love back there. I'm in Brooklyn tomorrow, though, at the Brooklyn standup show, which is in Burgan. What's that? I got some on my chin. Oh, no, I'm just scratching. That's weird to do it.

Just make eye contact. I was just gazing at your skin. Is that Kerry Codette show? Yeah, yeah, that shows. Are you one that's tomorrow? No, I did it last one. It was amazing. I've never been invited to any of these fuck. I never get invited.

I mean, I literally have all these comics on. I never get it invite to any. You can't carry good. I don't know. I don't know, but I would, but I've never been invited. Just one. She just won. Yeah, she just won the March madness thing.

Why? What's wrong? She's funny. I will. And very sexy. Do you know what I say? So yeah, I better. Okay, cool. Have a run. How sexy is Lauren? How sexy is fucking movie scope? It looks like a character on family guy That's probably a channel. Yeah, I've been hoping invite to do our show of course. I was waiting for

and open invite to do our show, of course. I was waiting for it. That's all there for me. The pause was a little long of let it together. There you go. Talk about movie soap and Laura. But I would love to come down. I would absolutely. I'm gonna give you my, we'll exchange info

at the end of the show. Awesome. What do you got besides everything? No, things are slim right now. Good, doing the garden again? No, no. No, no. No, no.

No, you know, it got some dates coming up. I mean, Denver comedy works and my special comes out in May. So tune in for that on the 12 comedy central. Awesome. And yeah, check out my podcast with Joe list Tuesdays with stories which we're doing tonight. Yes. It's going to be live one. It's going to hide.

It's sold out. Netflix is coming. Comedy Central is coming. I have seas coming, so bring the heat, Bob. Buddy, I gotta fucking, I gotta, dude, I, I, I, I, I, I got nothing. I didn't know. I didn't, just for you. Buddy, I didn't know it's tonight though. You guys are dressing in suits.

Yeah, I gotta fucking look what I'm wearing. Talk about it, save it, save it. Storrel quick. What's that store? Yeah, hit a J-crew. J-crew doesn't have my size. I have a fucking belly button, honey. I'm not gonna fight that.

I hope it comes out during the show. Hit a big and tall, whatever you gotta do. That's good. I gotta fucking sit next to you fucking two up and comers. Yeah, we'll look like a 101. So yeah, check that out. You know, take that on you. Right on the way.

That's a number 10 joke. Just rehash. I know you did. You fucking have. I updated it. I love you, buddy. You're one of the funniest dudes I know. And thanks for coming on.

Love you too. Thanks for having me. DC, what do you got, baby doll? Just a real DC Benny on Instagram. You know, and that's where I post shit. I got the podcast with Ben Bailey. Yes. Oh, Ben just sent me some dates. Yes, yes, tall but true. We do that. That's on Ben Bailey.com. Yeah. There's a bunch of we just had Lou Diamond Phillips on there.

Wow. That was hilarious. La Bamba. Yeah. And uh, Longmire actually. Yeah. Longmire. Exactly. Yeah. He told a great story about doing young guns almost getting killed on young guns. Really? Wow. And I'm around, man. I'm around the city. We're doing this. We're just died right now. If Mark poised you, who's jealous of your career path taking off in your 40s?

That's it. Yeah, and DCBetty..com they can see clips and all that kind of. Yeah, you know, he does a lot of, he does a lot of clips and a lot of funny stuff. One of the greatest guys in the business, one of my friends and they'll be coming. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. You got it.

Hey, you Mindy. How you doing Mindy? Great. This was awesome. It was amazing. You have a good time. Yeah, it was great. I love it.

You still love me. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen you before. I've seen you live. I know, but sometimes you come in here You're like, oh, I like Mark better now You know, because if I knew you were coming, I would have loaded up with just chubby old unsuccessful guys, I'm never gonna never shot just a bunch of Mike Lawrence's oh you have okay good I get you I get you all right we go way back what do you what do you mean way back? Oh, you know I took a renal virginity We go way back. What do you mean way back?

You know, I took a renal virginity. Oh my God. Mark's been swinging for the fences all day today, baby. That was on Derby. I love it. That was on a joke. Did you really have a anna with Mark? Have you ever been with Mark?

No. Do you have a kiss mark? No. Look at me. Would you say not yet? Would you kiss Mark? Who wouldn't? Me? Why? You like, we're out of all the guys in here. No, look at me. What'd you say not yet? Would you kiss Mark? Who would? Me?

Why, you like, we're out of all the guys in here. Come on, I like this game. Wait, why'd you bring the beer in? Oh, I gotta do a show. A photo with all you guys with some Bud Light, it's the whole thing. I'm not fucking helping you with Bud Light. Am I getting money? No, you know what I'm fucking doing?

I'm Bob Kelly. All right, well, I'll get these guys. Well, you're not getting that me, this is my show. Well, I'll get them on the stairwell. No, no, that's my stairwell. Hey, what are you doing? But you have a date me up. For what?

They said, hey, take some photos with Bud Light, we'll throw you some cash. Yeah, we'll tell them to call me too. I will, but you're sober. Dude, so bad. All right. I'll sell weed on the show if I have to. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna,

I'm gonna three year old, almost four. Wow. When the hernia people hit me up, I'll give you number. You'll make me laugh that out. You almost popped out again. Look at that alien. Why would I think she would have wanted it? I'm talking about my hernia coming out.

My intestines come out. She'll blow me and she'll get hit in the head by a fucking hernia. It's like the things that kill cows, you know, what do you got for me, baby? Your dates. Well, I want to open this real cool. Yeah, I got a fan sent me to this. Oh, look at that.

Let's just open this wood row. Coward. What is it? Coward? Coward? I spell it. She'd handed to him. You're dumb of the me.

Give me that. Give me that. He'll read that. Let me give it to you. Okay. You'll read it. You'll smart From who's it from Woodrow cowherd. I read it right give it back Woodrow all right, he sent me this is let's see what this says. Oh, I like it already. It's oh

My god, this is the original look at that. That's nice. That is beautiful. Yeah. Oh my god. That should be on money. Look at that. That is beautiful. Man, I'm gonna hang that right up. I'm gonna take that home, put it in the frame. I have another piece that somebody drew me a Louis on the show on the bang bang episode that I'll put this right next to wow That's really nice. Thank you so much, man And what city did that come from that came from Woodrow Wilson Collier. Yeah, I'll be there next time you have a show in Pittsburgh Pittsburgh Hmm, I'm doing the Pittsburgh comedy festival. That's where I met my first baby mom it really I'm doing the Pittsburgh comedy festival. That's where I met my first baby mom, it. Really?

Jesus Christ. Ah. Do you think you like a crazy brood? Cause you're mom? I think I started off that way because yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that he just called you girl crazy bro. Like he's Frank Sinatra. You know, like you like a crazy brood?

Cause you're mom kid? He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he You know, gives us lots of crazy. Make them flinch. That's all you gotta do. Make them flinch. I wanna say too, we're doing fan art, here's a deal.

Anybody artist out there, graphic designers, you come up, we want a new logo for a hoodie, for YKWD. You send them in to Lauren at YKWDproducerRightCast.com. Send them into her and whatever you got, we're gonna put it on a hoodie and what you do, you'll get a hoodie, we're gonna send you a t-shirt,

a hoodie with it on it and you can come down here and then when I'm in your town, you get a live show for me to take it to my show. So again, that's why I can't... YKWD producer at rikest. Send out work, whatever it is. And don't be stout just send pictures of your cock. I mean, you can.

Sorry. I mean, send pictures. Send dick pics. Send dick pics too. And shave your dick. And shave your dick. Yeah, like no pubes. No, on the dick.

On the, what are you talking about? Oh, you should not make it look nice. Is what I'm saying. For sure. Just send the artwork. New hoodie artwork. YKWD and it, you know what, dude, whatever you want, just do whatever you do it, send it to us.

What else we got? This weekend, you're going to be at comics, Moe, you can send. Woo! I'm there with, guess what I'm with. Skopo! I'm not bringing them to there. That's too good. Ah, of course, I'm bringing it to school.

Yeah, I'm going to stay deep. Me and Skopo. Six-seventh and eight. Six-seventh and eight. Mm-hmm. Then I'm at, uh, April 27th, 28th, 29th. bring it to me. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Six seventh and eight. Six seventh and eight. Then I'm at Ka'a April 27th, 28th, 29th. I'm at the, I've heard this club is the one of the best club.

The best. The best. Amazing. I'm there. I can't wait. You're in theapolis. You're going to love it. Never been before.

Never. I did the other one in the mall. Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, food joke house. Whatever it is. Yeah, all of the joke joint house. No, no, no, no, no. House of common. Yeah, joke joints are one in St Paul with the big ceilings. Yeah, brutal. And then then they have the dick slaughtery. Is there me just drunk people? I got

my life threat last time I was there. They make you stay in a condo. Alright, the life threatened. Was it that? I got my life. No, the guy fucking was drunk and I told him to shut the fuck up. He goes, I'll murder you. Then I go, okay. Out the five.

I go, I have to, I had to kick him out. And then after the show, I had to go wait. It was snowing out and they made me walk through the mall and wait for a shuttle. So I'm outside in the parking lot where all these people are getting their car. Well, this guy is in the snow waiting just to get murdered by security. Huh?

Now, I was really mad, though. I said, come on, I had a little, I picked up a weapon. I made a weapon out of the trash. So that you can hit snow shovel. So you can hit. I don't want to teach my. What else do I know? They fit here at Harrison, New Orleans.

No, now listen, I want to say I'm sorry about all the shit I said about it. There you go. Welcome back. I'm going to say I'm sorry about all the shit I said about there you go. Welcome back. I'm gonna say I'm gonna try this again. Great city. Great for I'll give you a whole list of good shit. Give me a whole list of places to go in New Orleans. I'm gonna go Nick to follow me and I on the show. I can't wait. I love doing shots. Give me a hell of a week. Oh Nick to pause the best. I'll tell all my friends. I'll pack it out. We're all six. Tell him right now. What? Go ahead. 19th Uncle Vinnie's. What is it? You coming? Oh, I'm there. Are you coming? Now Uncle Pleasant is a motherfucker of a room. Oh, yeah.

It's they kicked out 20 people last time. It's like roadhouse. Right? That was but you know, I mean, what are you going to do? They would just talk and they would just yappen because it's bring your own boost. You know, when they, what do you gonna do? They were just talking, they were just yapping. Cause it's bring your own booze. You know when they walk in with a cooler? You're in the short. You don't miss those days at all?

No, I don't, I'm still doing them, apparently. Oh, you mean, dude, I not wanna do it anymore. I just did a hood room and new Haven, Connecticut. I'm not gonna lie to you, I had so much fun. Look at a hood room though, can I say a hood room? It is a little better, because if you're funny, they're gonna flip the fuck out. But I mean, it was like that. When you're in a fucking room,

a white people drunk, doesn't matter how fun you are, they're still gonna just talk. How does these guys were betting on the Chicago Cleveland game? Like, and they refused to turn the TVs off because of majority of the bar. I love talking about an actual comedy. I'm talking Vinny's is a comedy room.

It's not, most 99% awesome. Great people. And it's a real room. I'm talking about a actual comedy, you know, I'm talking Vinny's is a comedy room. It's not, most 99% awesome, great people. And it's a real room. I'm talking about a fucking underground black club and new area. No, this shit, dude, this shit was literally like down by the water. It was nowhere near down 10. Yeah, it's great.

All right, Dave, you're on after the pit pull fights. No. Hi, you guys. Also, what else? I don't know. Jesus. Do you hear that? That's it. Because they'll come in. Email if you want to come in and be a fan and sit on the couch, email us at ykwdproducer.rykast.com.

If you want to mail something into the studio, I'm out to one cover up. What do you think I have a camera on you for? It's 900 degrees. Nothing. One 17-year-old. One zero zero one attention, Robert Kelly. And then please follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. And be a premium member.

It's only $199 a month. And it's all iOS and Android devices. Yeah, go to the App Store and download. App Store, download Robert Kelly's. You know what, dude. Yeah, thanks to all the premium members that joined. I really appreciate it. We got a couple more things going up in the next couple of weeks.

We're just working everything out. We just had, you know, deep who left and now Adam's in and we've got a new team and we're fucking kicking it off. You can probably already see the difference in the show. So thank you for sticking with so many YKW defense came out this week into bananas. I love it when you come up and tell you listen to the podcast. You guys are the best spread, the word. That's how this gets bigger.

It's on you. Thanks for listening. You know what, dude? Podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free.

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