Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Greg Stone, KP Burke, Liz Furiatie "Sympathetic Crier"

Episode Date: October 2, 2022

This week Bobby welcomes Greg Stone, KP Burke, and Liz Furiatie a big announcement that causes and explosion of emotion and how his life will never be the same. This Episode is Sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to BetterHelp.com/Dude for 10% off your first month! Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta de dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra en los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos lia. Númena que de maú, a Madrid. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno,

Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar tu del 3 por uno en medianas a domicidio solo pidiendo el line. 3 por uno, 3 por no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, somebody cried. So you want to tune in. So check it out. YKWD right back again Old school is back in the day We're all starting before them all YKWD is back again This podcast is so fun and crazy And there's no rules Shut up, you're ruining this Ruperfork and a man

I'm sorry It's a property podcast This is an NPR That's the podcast done Is there any better show? This is the original. This is the original. You know what, dude? What's up everybody? It's your boy, your baby boy, Robert Kelly.

And I am here. It's going to be a very awesome YKWD. I got some of my favorite people here who I care deeply about I love there. I say love. I love is she in my camera shot this fucking I mean what the fuck I love her this plot Yeah, no, that was that was that was that was my comic genius Um, of course Liz the aka gm aka the lethal bitch aka friend to few aka the fucking love of my life if I wasn't with dawn I would fight off all those waiters and black dudes to get

her. I would and I'd win. You might. Oh I fucking win. Are you out of your mind? Cool. You're out cold because you get in the room with me and your nips get hot. I know he did it. It's chit-y and yeah. And of course Greg Stone, aka the Doll Man. The Doll. That's what I got Dollman a dog man. I'm an action figure a cut of sore Ah, and of course showing up late as the As the what we call K. P. Burke AK Merchor Marine head A K worst hair on the business You told me look good last time i saw you

uh... no it's not only what you do you you you you you got a mustache what are you trying to go going back in the day going broke man you're going back to two thousand five bobby i'm doing my thing it's a good time to be alive it's good well it's a it's uh... great episode for me i'm glad that you guys here because i like all you people i love some of you if i'll respect kp great to meet you do I sound like that because you're a Jersey guy

And you just came in with that heavy-ass Jersey action And then I'm like wait is that how I sound no, this is how you sound when you drive past two dead bodies coming in through the Allent time. What happened? Oh, yeah, I saw dead people when just now Great I'm never late. I'm never late. What the why you singing? What the I'm not your father I'm not gonna hit you. I mean you're foster father You're stepdad. What do you call? Biological Jerry by a lot you go to the Jerry Well the mic to your face if you don't want to these before I have this is good right? Yeah, yeah, this is show

Do you hear yourself? Anyway, you saw dead bodies. Yeah, man, two people are dead right now. But I made it on time. From what? A vehicular manslaughter, I'm assuming? It was a car accident. It looked like it.

Really? Yeah, two dead bodies. Literally. People are dead. Ambulances have been in the tunnel. In the tunnel? Coming through to the tunnel. I had to take a different way to come in.

So I hope we can get what they fucked up. I can only take a different way to come in. So, I hope. What did they fucked up? I can only assume, but we'll get to that. Listen, I have some stuff I want to talk about. To the fans, the fans of the podcast, fans of my comedy, the ladybugs. What's that noise? That's the AC is it what shut it off We're doing an audio podcast If you think I'm freezing in here. I mean it's fucking yeah, I mean it's so fall. Mm-hmm

Thank you We're doing an audio podcast because I can't look did it. Because I can't look at Nicole. She's a woman and she'll fucking can't do it. And you yell at me every time if I don't have the AC on typical woman. I mean, just start right back in your face. Ready to have mirrors. They hold them up as soon as you yell at them. But you do this too.

No, all right. Thank you, Nikki. I love you. I love you too. I'm weird. Does she? Okay, well, seriously, I, I, I want to talk about something, you know, that I, I wasn't talking about Liz knows. I don't know. Um, stone shut up. Stone's gonna cry. I can't do this. Stone just be quiet for a minute.

Um, Liz knows. I, knows, I got six months. Yeah, right. And the reason why I'm getting skinned up, I know. I know. I want you to cry so bad. Piece of shit. Well, I say you are losing weight in an unnatural speed. And I would say you might want to look into it. Well, this is what I want to talk about. A lot of people know that I've been losing weight. I've been working out every day for the last three and a half months.

I've been, you know, bust in my ass, eating, changed my whole diet, quit, sugar, quit, carbs, quit caffeine, red meat. Wow. I quit it all. I flushed out my system for two weeks, did a fast and slowly, you know, but I work in my ass off, really, every day.

Lifting weights, walking 10,000 miles a day, at least, sometimes 20. But I wanna let everybody know. And I wasn't gonna, you know, it was a decision to say, keep my mouth shut and just live my life or tell people. And I feel like I have to tell people what happened. I got, when I got back from Europe, the tour, and just let you know this has been a two

years in the making, two years of research, two years of being afraid, two years of flip flopping, two years of scared out of my life, you know, and then finally pulling the trigger, planning it when how, you know, I don't have enough money to just take a year off. I had to, it had to fit in in a certain spot. I got gastric bypass, I got the sleeves or gastric bypass, not bypass, gastric sleeve. There's a bypasses when they take your intestines and fuckin' flip them out. I got the gastric bypass, not bypass gastric sleeve. There's bypasses when they take your intestines and fuckin' flip them out.

I got the gastric sleeve, which basically, what that does is they make your stomach, they end to a size of banana. They make your stomach small. They do it laparoscopically with a robot, a friend of mine, Arpan, Goyle who is a friend from my cigar bar. That's his forte.

And we've been talking about it for years. And finally, I pulled the trigger and got it done. And that's why I'm losing weight. But I had to do it because I was not going to make it to 60. You know, I mean, you know, all my fat barometers with dead, you know, Ralph, you may, if I get as fat as that, if I get as fat as him, they're dead. I had burnt Christchurch, but I got fat other than him, which was fucking terrible.

Just a fucking awful day in my life. How mad is Bertk gonna be that he's one of your fat barometers? He was a fat, as long as I'm not as fit, but I mean, I blew him out of the water. Yeah, but you're my fat barometer, and now you're coming down below me. Maybe this is, I mean, dude, it was the point where I was watching the NFL draft, and I was fatter than all of the defensive line of every team.

I was fatter. I'm watching the UFC one night. I'm fatter than the heavyweight champion. I'm heavier than Brock Lesnar. I was 350. And my feet were failing. My knees. I was pre-diabetic.

I had sleep apnea. My blood pressure was on the rise, I was gonna stroke out, I was gonna be, you know, I was gonna be that, I was gonna be what Reddit said it was gonna be, and it was basically- No, it's not failing, though, Bobby, that tech vest from 2002, just bringing it back, backstreet boy style man, bo, looking good, you're looking good.

Thanks, thanks, Adam. Thank you so much, you're lucky saved him on that Because that was gonna be a hot one Yeah, yeah, he's got he has he's new. He has no he's uncomfortable with my shoulders. You were sick. He doesn't have Just want levity You just want to work levity You have an account of what work levity. You have that kind of work levity too. But we all do.

But anyways, it was came down to my son. I was not going to be here for Max. I mean literally, it was just going to happen. And I was going to do to my son what happened to me. And I ain't doing that. Now if God takes me out, if I'm going to fuck, that's so be it. But I'm not making the choice to fuck, to be out of his life. I'm not killing myself and having him be your fucked up because the guy who loves the most is gone. That was a big factor. And it was the hardest, one of the hardest

decisions I ever made. The reason why I made it is because I couldn't, I couldn't figure out how to do it anymore. I didn't have to lose weight anymore. I was too, I was, the snowball was too fucking big. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't push it anymore. And I was looking at it like when I went to rehab for drugs and alcohol. I went away for 14 months.

I took me out of the people places and thing and put me just in doing this. I can't do that in this with food because I have a family, I have a career. And this was my rehab. I could do this surgery and I would, I'll be in rehab. And then I was, no, I was going away for two months, away from everybody and

I was going to fucking kill it every day walking. I mean, I could walk down the block to around the block to fucking miles. I just every day working out kayak and I knew I had that two months to do it. And then I knew I'd come back, but I'd have a head of steam. I'd be ready to go. And I could take the, hey, what happened? You look good, all that shit.

And are you sick? Are you dying? I'd be able to take it. And I knew the surgery. I didn't want to tell anybody because I didn't know if it was gonna work. I didn't know. I didn't know what the fuck was gonna happen. But now I feel like I have to talk about it because number one, I didn't know. I didn't know what the fuck was gonna happen.

But now I feel like I have to talk about it, cause number one, I'm a comic. I talked about it on stage for the first night tonight. Cause I, it was good. Well, actually, there was two older guys there, and I was like, I feel like such a piece of shit. I mean, when you were, your generation, you couldn't just be like,

I'm just gonna make my stomach into a banana Then again you guys just had to go fucking do yard work You know what I mean you had a fucking a wheelbarrow full of fucking dirt But also they weren't being fed poison Every fucking day everything we eat is killing us. They used to get real fucking food back in their day. A hundred percent, dude. I cut sugar out of my life. All my eggs and pains went away.

I mean, I don't feel any of that shit anymore. Can I tell you, this is like a much, I can't. It's not a fault. I mean, three or four weeks ago, and even knowing I told you, if I told you not, I found out I was pretty diabetic. My numbers were up And I went I looked at my kid and I went no fucking way. I'm not doing this shit

My wife's a nutritionist and I went now's the time. I mean, we should for years She's been sitting there drooling and I'm like don't fucking talk to me because she knows it'll be a fight and I went You're off the leash now and she went, okay? This is what we're doing and she was like. And she was like, we're not cutting everything because you can't and you'll die. She goes, we're doing grains first. You're cutting grains. In a week and a half, I lost 11 pounds.

Already started feeling better. Like carbohydrates and like pasta, potatoes, which is just sugar. Right, it's all fucking sugar. I'm still doing potatoes. She's like, are you just a potato? It's a vegetable. Yeah, but she's like, cutting grains. And I'm already, I'm feeling sharper. I'm still doing potatoes. She's like, I, you can't do this to ever. Yeah, but she's like, cutting grains.

And I'm already, I'm feeling sharper. I'm feeling like, whatever. I feel like I'm like coming alive again, shaved. I don't know what that has to do with it, but I just, it makes me, when I feel better, I shave. Yeah, and I'm like, we're doing this, but looking at my kid and I went, it was never about me, but now it's like, oh, I can't have you without me

You need you need a dad. I don't want you to be some fucking I don't want you to be like Anthony to Vito We're Dan Shackie. I want you to have a real family, you know, like mush got god forbid my kid. You have a dad Let's back to the video. Your energy is I don't have a dad. Sorry. Yeah, and when you were, I'm not saying this, this is like, I don't want to, whatever, this isn't, whatever, but you mean you were getting big, and I would, I was worried. Thank you for the very,

I'm sorry. It's not even a joke, Bobby. We were all very, very concerned. Really? But yeah, I mean, you were, you were not healthy, and that was visible looking at you. Yeah, I thought you looked great. Yeah, yeah, but you know, it's like you you're you're you know walking around the block like your knees were bad, you're fit. There was so many things and it was like watching the dominoes start to fall. Yeah, so when you told me this, I was like, Oh, thank god.

Right. Because you took action and you took you empowered yourself to do this and to make yourself better. Yeah. And to, you know, keep yourself going and keeping yourself alive and healthy for yourself, for your family, for your future, for everything. It was hard because number one, if the surgery could have went wrong and did, sure. The surgery was not, I came out of surgery and my blood pressure fucked up. My liver was too big. Food does the same thing to your liver that alcohol does. So my liver was yellow, not fucking crazy, but it was and it was big. And I, he had my friend, Arpan, he was like, dude, I had a hard time with the surgery. I came out of the surgery, my three fingers on both hands. My thums and two fingers were numb.

My blood pressure was through the roof. I could hear them coming out of the surgery. Like, he's, it got dangerous. Like, you know, that was a big fear that I go and do this and I die. I didn't want to tell anybody. Right, right. Because I don't, you know, that was a big fear that I'd go and do this and I'd die. I didn't want to tell anybody. Right, right. Because I didn't, you know, I was like, I'm going to fuck, I could die on the table.

Right. And then coming out of it was the worst day of my life. That first day was the worst, one of the worst days of my life. It was terrible. Because I thought I was going to die that night. I'm like, fuck, don't even come to the hospital. I was so fucked up and then slowly Why did you feel you were gonna die that night because my dude my heart rate was fucking crazy? Okay?

I just felt like I just my body was off. Okay, my hands were numb Did you go? Did you go like to step somewhere? Just like jump through the roof? Because I was sliding your legs all this much lighter. What do you mean? Like, I would imagine you're walking out of a surgery a different person physically. No, no, no, no, no. No, I mean, it's not like, you know, they don't take weight out. No, no, no, no, yeah.

Okay, I was a triplet like that. They make what they, yeah, he thinks I wear a fat cut out of me. No, I don't know what's, you know, this is like, this is like a little life. Can you bring it up? This is really,

bring up a, a little diagram of it. It's gastric sleeve. It's like your stomach is like this and then they take this little like circle thing and they put it on so they know that's not it. Or they're clipping your stomach so it's not it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's not it either. Gastric sleeve. That's the, that one.

The band. The band. No, I got this. See, this is what they do. So let me explain this to you. Okay, bring up, bring up one big thing, please. Not all, all them. Bring up one. Okay, so make it big. Okay, here. So what they do, here's your stomach, right? That looks exactly like me. You twine. I love you. I get new Nikki. Here's how they look like that, though. They really do. It looks like Bobby's lips. It's there.

I'm sorry. I love you. I love you. Somebody sketch me. Sorry, sorry, sorry. What the fuck is that? It looks like fun. Sorry.

You can't potty a stomach remote, dude. So basically what they do is they use stomachs that's big from eating and you expand it. They cut out, they make it into a banana. Now, in your stomach, there's these grellen cells, okay? And they're the things that tell you you're hungry. The bigger your stomach, the more cells you have. So when they do this, in theory,

you take away a lot of that hungry, but you're really not. So it helps you in that hungry, but you're really not. So it helps you in that way, in theory. And then they make your stomach like a banana. So I can't eat as much. I can have some chicken. I can have some vegetables. I have to eat my proteins, then my vegetables, and then I get a little potato.

But I can only eat a little bit. I have to eat slow. I have to eat small. So I can't eat out of a container. I've eaten like dawn, got food, out of a container, I ate too much. I want to eat small. So I can't eat out of a container. I've eaten like dawn gut food, out of a container, I ate too much, I want to throw it up. But this lasts for six months.

It lasts fully for two years, and after that you're on your own. So it's not a cure all, it's rehab. It's time. It's a process. It's a process, but if you don't work out, if you don't follow the diet,

yeah, if you don't, you'll, you'll blow right through this. Yeah, once you get yourself past that 30 days start building new routines, I'm sure you're already. I work out, I walk every day, and I work out four times a week. I guess say this. Don't, that's very, I didn't mean to just, anyway, don't beat yourself up if you're like step off or whatever. Just keep fucking going. If you live to this impossible fucking standard, it'll never. I don't, but can I say something about that? Sure. That's a true, but it's not true.

I must say this. You know, this was a huge decision in my life. Of course. Go in and have most of my stomach taken out. It's crazy. Of course. I have a new lease. I got a chance. Yeah.

Just like in rehab, when I got out of rehab, I had a chance. The thing I had to do when I got out of rehab was fucking do it. So yes. You have to. I have to walk every day. I have to walk every day. I have to move every day. Now, I don't go to fucking,

I'm not saying you have to go and join a fucking karate. And I'm not saying that, but let me say something. Sure. Because yes, be hard on yourself. Yes, fucking, this not being hard on yourself, dude. I can't do that anymore. I have to take accountability. And like today, dude, it was one of those days

where I could have took it off. Yeah. And I'm lying down, taking a little nap. And I went, nope. I've taken off years. Listen, I agree. Listen, I think that what I'm trying to say, though, is somewhere in the middle, right? What I'm trying to say is what I'm saying. You

didn't say that. No, no, no, no, no, you're saying he said, you're good. Give yourself some slack. I'm saying, I'm saying, cut yourself a break. Let me say this. Don't be hard. No, I'm saying is the reason you probably got big in the first place. Yeah, he said self hate. So if you replace self hate with self hate for not doing the thing, let me go back. I'm going, self hate. So if you replace self hate with self hate for not doing the thing, let me go back. I'm going to self hate. I'm going to tell you something. This all couldn't have been done when the pandemic saved my life.

Me too, man. I fucking saved my life. Yeah. Because I'm serious. It was the best thing ever happened to me. Right. How, what do you mean? I lost all the shit that I thought was me

that made me, it was taken away. And I was left with fucking me. And your family. And all of a sudden I'm looking at my family. And I'm like, and I started going back to meetings. I started going, like me and a couple of friends started doing small Zoom AA meetings. And then I started getting back into taking care of myself, letting shit go.

You know what I mean? Being grateful, waking up in the morning, I woke up this morning, I wake up every day. And before I touch this shit, I sit, close my eyes, and I think of the things that I'm grateful for. Every fucking day. And sometimes I forget and I'll stop myself. And I start thinking about who the people in my life, and every time I smile, every time

I'm like, fucking, I got great people in my life. I love my, I made a great life. I did good because the people around me right now, my family, my friends, and I'm my, I made a great life. I did good because the people around me right now, my family, my friends, and I'm like, and then I just go about my day. You know what I mean? So that got me into the headspace of being able to make this decision

because I fucking really wanted to, I wanted to be better, physically, spiritually, and mentally. I wanted physically, I had four fingers up. I didn't have a fourth one. Physically, my dexterity and as off. I mean, I mean, I'd be grateful I just had a stroke and died right now. The best episode ever.

A sniper shot to the window. I'd be like, all that for what? Disassassinated. Just like me holding my fucking. God, I want to Guys eat what you want Then life that you never know when it's gonna be over. Oh Can I love ramen

Could you do you think you could blame this on the tiny home though if you didn't want to tell everybody about the surgery that you had You just been like oh, I couldn't know listen here? No, listen, here's the pounds down, tiny. Here's the thing, and I'm not done losing weight. I have 50 pounds left. What do you have now, if I ask? I mean, once, 268, 265. Oh, man. Down from three, I was 350,

when I weighed in the day of the operation, 335. Where do you want to be? I programed two. That's my goal, too. I'm 255. I'm at 240. Yeah, for now. Yeah. Man, we're almost in the same man. You're catching up to the old. I have a lot of muscle on me though. I'm a little arm wrestling. I'll fucking arm wrestling. All right. Okay, let's go guy to guy sure. I love you both, but I mean it's bitch villain here. No one. I love you about me. No, we're not doing it. I mean, you're stopping me.

It's fine. Okay, don't do it. Also, we're both. You sure? Wait, you'll go. You'll cry. You'll, because someone, he starts crying. You'll start crying.

I can't watch that. All right. Anyways, which I might, we can arm wrestle later. Yeah. But I will take you on. If you lose, how much money? What money? What are you talking about?

What money do I have? I want a Bobby Kelly action figure yeah I remember what in my house is called the kingpin no I don't want that I want the new Bobby I'll put that big ass head in a spider-man body But dude I I It's to go back to that. I, the reason why, and then the going up to the ham, she was a big part of it, because I was away from this shit. Everything.

I was away from self-esteem, I was away from envy, I was away from greed, I was away from fucking resentment. I was up there waking up every day with the fucking, my fucking kid and my wife. Every morning, the dog got so used to walking with me, she'd be by the door. And we'd walk every day. And then I would kayak and I'd hike and I had weights up there. I was lifting.

I mean, my life changed up there this summer. It was the best summer of my life with my family and because of what was happening. So, my doctor says I'm the perfect patient because I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do. You know what I mean? But, I mean, dude, it's so amazing to me now. I was up there and I got to wash my balls.

From behind. What? I was up there and I got to wash my balls From behind what Dude I'm sick I had to open the door and be like dawn and I'm holding my balls exciting like from behind And like I can wash my that's not your hand Why do you? Just mad. It's just there. You're not gonna make me change me house. Ah, we're kidding, Max, get out of there. Don't watch TV.

No, I mean, crazy, that was like a milestone to be able to clean yourself. Like, dude, for me to wipe my ass, I hurt my shoulder one day. You know, cause I don't like poop. I don't like, I didn't like a clean butt. No, not me don't like poop. I don't like I like a clean butt. No, no, I mean I love it. I want to be around it. Oh my god. I just like it's don't Doesn't like poop. I mean I don't like I am like you fools. I don't like poop. I like shit head over. Hey, I love poop

Yeah, man. None of us like poop. You sound like every form and I That's so weird. Apparently, you're not friends with Jim Norton. So your theory goes out the window yet again. That's what I said the North one day I go, Hey, if a guy came up with a million dollars in a suitcase and he said you suck my dick would you do it? He goes, I just played a black check 500 to shit on my chest. Of course I would do it.

Yeah, of course. I love that guy. Do you think you could get away with it though? Like I'm kind of fascinated by this. I could have got away with it, but the reason why, and I, you know, I was talking to Liz, sorry, get away with what? Just not telling anybody.

Oh, okay. I was just being like diet, exercise, four months in nature. I really turned it around. Yeah, it's what's cause I, what looked, watched him months in nature. I really turns it around Yeah, it's because I what looked watched him and I went I can do it now like no Greg you can't you can't no buddy Listen to me and you're killing you right now. I'm telling you what I did what I you know It's not if it's not just that that gave me that but I was I was dude. I was I was 170 pounds over you. I was another person above you, okay?

Literally. So it's literally no sugar, no grains, potatoes, the whole 30 diet, something like that. You can eat whatever the fuck you want, but it's, I'm telling you right now, if you don't have movement in your life, if you're not walking, if you're not walking, and you're not moving, and you're not doing some type of little muscle workout, it's the fountain of youth. It's that's period stop, that's it.

You need to fucking move. You know where I worked out? I walked on the roads. You know where I work out now in my shed? You don't need fucking a gym membership. You don't need a trainer. You don't need any of that shit. Don't eat sugars.

Don't eat shit that you have to open a bag and fucking donate shitty carbohydrates and move. That's it. And everybody's like, well, I have, you, it's literally 30 minutes a day. That's it. And you will lose weight over the year. You will be like, oh my god, my life's changed.

Let me tell you how you fucked up. Oh my god. You come back, you lose it all sweet. You should have came back with a fucking two pay on. Listen to me. And every time someone goes, Bob, you lost weight, you go, I mean, it just grew back. I just kept referencing your hair.

And they never, never say anything about the body. Or do the opposite, you know? You come back and you're just like, Bobby, you look great, it's like, no, it's, I lost weight. No, never mentioning the two pay. The first time Bobby came back, the first thing I said was,

where's the eyebrow hair? I love the one side, right? where's the eyebrow hair Lucky I don't need it anymore they took it off on the operating table Look at his eyebrows. I used to have a lucky eyebrow that I let grow. Oh there's a gone. No, it's gone He looked at you and pointed it went you're gonna be okay Suéllas con un futuro más allá de los estudios de grado? Gracias a las becas de pos grado en el extranjero de la Fundación La Caixa, puedes estudiar en las mejores universidades y centros de investigación del mundo. Tu talento te mueve. Solicitate veca en fundación lacaixa.org Hey, what's going on? Have you heard of Guy Times Presents? This podcast network is,

but these are the ones with balls. They're putting it out there. They want to make people laugh. They don't care about, you know, restrictions or political correctness. They're just doing it the way it should be done. All right, they injected the bono medicine into the penis of paralyzed man.

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So get get on it. Go to Guy Times presents and check out all the hilariously fucked up messed up awesome fun shows. Hey, what's going on everybody? Do me a favor go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly right there and become a supporter. You get an extra Y K W D you get an extra call to him Kelly, the J O P party. But most of all, no ads, you're bitching about the ads. Too many ads, no ads are patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. And you know what else you get? You get to be in the chat. You get

to talk, ask questions, be part of the show. So if you like the show, you like me, go become a supporter. Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. I love this guy. He said two words. I'm like, I love this guy. So we're the best. Okay, it's the best. I mean, I'm serious though, bro.

Mm-hmm. I, I, it's no joke. I've, look at 40 to 50 came quick. Faster than I would like. My, my son's, you know. How old is Max? He's nine. It's huge.

I saw him outside today, I'm doing a podcast and I looked out him and his friend had wine glasses with crystal light in it. Oh, fun. And they were sitting there and like this. Bands for them. They were talking, like this. Yeah, I don't know. I literally, I go, I'll be right back. I had to go off to

I go, guys, what are you doing? They're like, yeah, Jane broke up with me. What? She I should broke up with me. I threw slime on her, but it's all right, dad. I went, okay, I'm just gonna back out of this and let this happen because this is, you guys are doing some mature shit right now. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna fuck it. And I'm gonna fuck it up. I'm just gonna fuck it up. Well, I tell you, I don't know, you don't know this. Today is Calvin's first birthday. I spent the whole day almost bawling.

Yeah. How many times did you cry today? Oh, I spent, I was, mostly it was one day, but I went through some, yeah, some shit today. This weekend was rough. What do you mean? I think I was, yeah. Are you good? This is a thing to unpack.

So I gotta make sure you're all packed up. I'm all packed. All right, so let's wrap it. We can go back. We can go back to mine, but I just wanted to make that announcement on my podcast. Yeah, I know, I'm so happy. And I wanted to tell people,

let me just button this. All right. One of the, of course I was talking to Liz about it and Colin, but one of the things I was at a show the other night, I told you about this. Yeah. And this girl came up to me with this woman and she was, you know, they were a kind of big couple,

you know, and she was like, I'm so happy you look so amazing. And she's like, I just got the gastric sleeve and I was like, hardest decision you ever made, right? She's like, it was the hardest thing I've ever made. It was so tough. And I was like, hardest decision you ever made, right? She's like, it was the hardest thing I've ever made. It was so tough. And I was like, you look, you're gonna be great. And I didn't, because I wasn't telling people, I was like, I need to fucking tell people

because I could have fucking talked to this girl. I could have said something and be like, I got it. You're gonna be good. This is what I did. Everything, and I could have gave her a little oomph. And there's, I know so many big fans of mine. Yeah. And I'm like, forget about the shit that I'm gonna get,

I know I'm gonna get shit or whatever. Cause I thought it was not, you know, in my head I'm like, dude, you should be able to do it by yourself or whatever. Fuck all that. I needed an assist. Some people do testosterone and steroids. You know, I needed some people are rich enough to get a trainer five days a week

or build their own gym or whatever. I needed this assist. I got it. It changed my life. It saved your life. Saved my life. And I get to be around now as long as I can be around. You're the only guys who supports me in comedy.

I need you here. I need you right here. Me and Liz. You and Liz, someone to happen right here to you too. If you're not getting a wild shootout like Aaron Burr, my career's over. That's a look at KP like dude.

Can I open for you? It's us man. Listen, I need Bobby around till November. Yeah. No, but so that's the reason why. And I, I, I'm going on all these podcasts coming up to promote my special that's coming on October 8th on Louis CK dot com Bing Bing Bing and I'm very excited and I'll be you saved your own life like you saved your own life and I think you don't realize but you the doctors

No, he made the decision and And he's working through this. And this is something he has to do every day. And he's going to do it. Probably plus with a nurses. Relax, ER bitch. Stop. Stop. You want to talk about your one-year-old kid and cry?

I mean, is that what you want? We're talking about Bob. I'm here for Bobby, but you think I can't shit on him a little bit? No, not right now. Why? Look at him. Look at him. He wants him. He looks great.

He wants it. You know what he says? He wants it. He loves it. Hug him and see what it's like to hug him now. You do like, you do like, you do both arms and your hands are gonna meet. Oh, it's happening. And it's like nothing you've ever done before.

Oh, God, this is gonna be a good. It's like full body hug. It's part Zoom out. See that? You've never been able to do that before, have you? It's unbelievable, right? It's so crazy. Liz, it's a little bit Sumo meets Brokeback Mountain. I know, but it's nice.

I think it's the shirt. Bobbi also has to get all new clothes. See, I told you. You just tried to throw it. He is. Don't have to leave his shirt. Come here. Don't just cry, Amro, like a man.

Stop being a bitch. Come back. But yeah, he's he does. Stone, come here. If you cry, he's gonna cry. If you cry, he big. He does stone. You cry. He is going to cry. If you cry, he cries. This is great. He is crying.

Oh, hey, bro. I'm a sympathetic. Sorry. Sorry. How did you try to kiss me? I didn't try to kiss you. I didn't try to kiss you. It was the tears of my soul pouring on your neck. You fucking caught my eye.

You know what I mean? You were too? You were too much. You were too much. I think sometimes, I think you know I love, I mean, I think sometimes you say I love you, I leave you too, but I sometimes, I don't know if you realize how much. I care about you.

I love you too. I really do, man. I love you too. I gotta call dogs to keep it in there. I do. I love you. I really do. I don't. I got to call dogs to keep it in there. I bitch. They're all bitches. How was that hug? It's easy. Just like, I mean, but you do that. And the first time it's like, Bobby's shut up. I can't listen right now. Well, it was soccer game in my head. So anyways, I, well, button this up, and I wanted to let my fans know. But I also wanted out there,

because people flip flopping about this. And it saved my life. She's absolutely right. It saved my life. Dude, I was gonna be that guy. You guys are gonna do a benefit for me. And I don't want, I was a, it was my choice. I was the one making that happen.

I was the one that was gonna say, I'm out, and fucking, I don't wanna do that to my son, man. I just don't want my kid, I don't want my kid and my wife to have to have a different life than we have because of fucking me. I couldn't stop eating chips and pizza and fucking dumb food. I'm not lonely. I'm not alone. I have so much and I just have to be grateful for it and fucking take it in. You know, stop looking at what other people have. Stop looking, put blinders on and be grateful for what I have,

not for what I don't have or what other people have. And that changed my life. Letting go of all the bullshit, the resentment, the fucking ang, fuck it and enjoy this. And but I had to do this because I couldn't enjoy it the size I was Because I was gone. She's right. I was I was out. I would like to throw this perspective on you Yeah, I think it's sometimes as comics we are always waiting for the final act in this the movie and the win Reality is for most of us and I would say you and for myself

We're already in our happily ever after. Oh my god Like I'm not the fact that you all get to live this dream that so many other people and for myself, we're already in our happily ever after. Oh my God. Yeah. Like, I'm not. The fact that you all get to live this dream that so many other people have blows my mind and that every comic that works at the seller and works here is not so cognizant of that and appreciative of the fact that you're literally

living a dream every single day. No matter how hard it is or how difficult, it's like somebody else's fantasy. We're in dual reality. We're above the comedy salad, the greatest club ever in the world. Right. And we're here right now doing a podcast and we all work the comedy salad.

We're actually do. Oh, sorry. Well, whooops. Maybe I'm gonna have you on my podcast We're we're actually do oh sorry Maybe I'm gonna have you on my podcast just so you can talk Love to hear what this guy has to say That's even a comedian. I don't even know I did a long work for Bob here

But even aside from the comedy thing the comedy-seller thing like a moot like You're married you've a wife you've this kid that you love you said it we Yeah, even cape you're there Look it. We'll get you there dog. He just saw two dead body I didn't see real Yeah, so it was me in the half of you. He's so awesome. Yeah, but it was, you know, it is true. We, you need to fucking just relax and enjoy it. We spend so much, I was spending years not taking care. Your soul is like your body.

You have to work it out. Yeah. You have to take care of it. If you ain't thinkin' care your brain and your your your your serenity, whatever you believe in, I'll get fuck of it. Yoga, if you go to church, don't give it. You need something. And then the final thing that I was taking was my body. My body, I ruined it. Like Joe Rogan said to Louie, he ate himself into a shape. What the fuck? I mean, the best description of my fat ever. I mean, seriously, I was a shape.

Yeah. And it sucks, my specials coming out of the eighth and I'm just a fat mother-fucker at it. Yep, that was the last time you were. The last time you'll ever be. The final fat. The last time you will ever be like that. The last fat. Last time you'll ever be. The final fat. That was it. The last time you will ever be like that.

The final fat. Is that the name of this special? The next one. With the next one, but you're not going to be a fan in the next one. Yeah, but I'll have footage of it being a fat. That's the way. What am I going to do a fat special and then lose the weight?

Wait, wait, the final fat is the next special. What's the one coming out of Louis.com? We're going to call it Killbox. Call it the final fat. What? It's copy, right? Fully cocked or whatever that one would look? Kick off fully cocked. Why not?

What was it? It's the tail's special. No, that's a different cock. Oh, that's a love cock. Right. What was it? There was something else, right? Killing it.

But I like Bobby Kelly, pronouns he be killing. Yeah, I am. Pro now. He be killing. I wouldn't be killing. He he be killing he be killing he be killing I love Like he be killing we're gonna call it remember aids, but we And I was like yeah, Lou was like putting on my website and call whatever you want I think kill box works because that's what we created. We went into an empty space. The whole concept was, Louie, I had this whole act, I was working on about food addiction

and weight loss. And he was like, do you have another hour of just killing? And I was like, yeah. Because I had two hours of stuff. And he's like, let's just kill. I want you just kill. And we created this, like the seller is a kill box. I always called that the kill, it's just a kill box,

a sale. So we created this 12 inch platform square, like Elvis's comeback special stage. And we just wanted it, every camera has crowd. So it's just, I'm in that kill box. I'm in that comedy and it's a club comic special. It's like an ultimate, you know, specials and theaters with this boom and the stuff.

I'm a club comic and that's what we captured. It's like, I'm there, we made the space from scratch. All the people that the way his designer, a fucking award winning, he gave me his crew. It was all the people that does his special, did my special. What do you call me? Huh?

I did mostly audio and hilarious, and the one that ever fucking gives me credit for it. What are you talking about? I'm just breaking something. What? Oh, it's for fun. It's just like the likes I want to be talking. Do you remember the part where I said, be happy for what you have?

I have a lot of fun. So anyways, it's coming out and it's going to be awesome. Was that the first big thing they did down there? Because that's coastal in Tampa, right? As far as our level of, yeah. Yeah, you're the biggest act that has come through there, I think. Yeah, I mean, you wouldn't know it by the promo. Just promoing Louis.

It's like, they did a promo and it's just like these side shots of Louis face. It's like, you guys stuck sucking his dick and put me in it. I tanks it and I was like, yeah, the video's great. I'm just not in it. And it's my special, but whatever. I know they really helped.

Is this the same stuff I saw you doing at Fat Black? Cause I loved what I watched. That was it. Yeah. And it was great, cause I mean, she, if it wasn't, you know, if it wasn't for Liz, yeah, because we switched gears, Liz was like, you go, she literally was like, you're going on this, she made me go on like twice a week.

Yeah. And she made me go on at the fucking pussycat bar, which is just dying. Yeah. I would go up like twice a week. And she made me go on at the fucking pussycat bar, which is just dying. Yeah. I would go up and just fucking. It literally would be like, it'd be like, fuck it, let's just do it again tomorrow. Yeah.

You know, like no, she would force me. She would force me. She would force me. She would force me. She would force me. She would force me. She would force me.

She would force me. She would force me. She would force me. She would force me. She would force me. She would force me. She would force me. She would force me. She would force me. She would force me. focusing on. It was all this stuff that like, it was, it was just that killer shit that he always does when he does spots that you're like, ah, so, you know, but not the newer stuff that he's working on again now, which will be in the next question. Yeah, because I had, I should have done a special.

Yeah. You know, my manager, agent, told me to go fuck myself. I got fat. Oh, I mean, dude, getting fat fucked my career. And 100% had an effect. Cause there's TV fat and then there's obesity. And I was obese. And I played Santa twice.

Right, that's funny. And I didn't fit into either Santa outfit. They had to, I mean, how embarrassing is that? I showed up on one of those movies and they had to cut the shirts Oh, and it was a triple X-Sant I mean I was fucking it was sad man, and I look at George Costanza and I'm like if I could get that body showbiz fat right? Yom Deliwis showbiz fat. I was beyond that it affected everything in my life and

Traveling was a nightmare dude. I mean I was And that's a huge part of your life. Huge? I mean, I do, to take the seatbelt and pull it under your stomach like a next to another human being, and to make a tourniquet for two, three, five hours. Yeah. And not to be able to take your shoes off because you couldn't get them back on. If I dropped something on the plane, I would kick it to the person next to me. I'd be like, hey, can you get that from me?

I mean, I had all these fat tricks. Yeah, you know what I mean? I think it's funny. Rodekicks did change with you, by the way. Like, you were so disciplined with it, like getting like eggs and you're just putting like a heavy cream in your coffee instead. We used to like, we used to tear up like a nice in and out

burger. Who are you? Yes, I'm your best friend. I'm your best friend. The guy that helped move you into new ham sure. You got to do fat tricks as a TikTok video series. Oh, cool. All right. I'll do it with you.

Oh, you should. I lost 10 pounds. And then you should, I think Bobby lost a lot more than 10 pounds. I'm not going to use us. We'll use KPM. We're going to use motion KPM. Ooh, like before and after. But yeah, well that's gonna be,

I saw the special and it's like fuck me. I mean, but I still, when you see it, Louis said you look good. Are you shocked? I got a photo. Looking now, you wanna see it? You wanna see it? Yeah, how big you were.

It's fucking, does it scare you a little bit? Yeah, she's sending them in the morning. Yeah, it's, it's because, like, I'm not the only person, we were very worried for your well-being. Because it got to a point where it was like, what else can be done?

I don't know. What else can Bobby do? Like, other than, what do we, can we break his jaw and then wire it shut? Like, is that the next thing? Yeah, well it's like drugs you would have done it in event. You would have got a counselor and you would have all went somewhere and did that horse shit and sent me to a rehab.

Yeah. If it was drugs or alcohol that's what it would have. Should do that for fat people. They don't do that for fat people. They should do fat in a event. Because fat, it's the same thing as drugs in alcohol. Right. but because I was doing so much work in the program I just put it over into this you have to get your head right you have to it's just like drugs you had to hit a bottom you know it took me two years to fucking say yes to this how many people did I talk to sleeping. I thought he was sleeping too. You lost, I was like,

which is the most sleeping. Mush, were you asleep? What the fuck? You had your eyes closed. What are you listening to? Tentley, what are you doing? I go, were you sleeping? No, I go, you had your eyes closed.

I know. What are you thinking about something? It's called envy. What are you thinking about mush? Food. All the things I'm not gonna eat now in the road. Thinking about something what are you thinking about mush food All the things I'm not gonna eat now on the road Talking of the microphone you have fucking stone odds. Oh my god. It's over for mush now, huh? If he goes on the road with you like the glory days of

I have no I got mush on a fucking plan. I mean lost 15 Good much I gave him a fucking watch. The counts as steps, we're gonna get him into the planet. What is it called? Planet fitness. Planet fitness. Yeah, it's like $10 a month.

I'm gonna pay for it. Why, why don't we gonna do that? 10 bucks a month, You go any settle down anyway, settle down. He can chip in. He's not I'm not doing the 25 a month. He can chip in. It's his well-being. Hey, fat tits got to go to the one. And then he fucking it. He loses.

You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. Up into the 25. What if you sit in my foot? I got a son.

What's wrong with you? He can chip in. I think I'm Billy Burr. I got no fucking dash. Can you can your patron sponsor mush for planet fitness? 25 a month. Yeah. Okay, that's fine. If we get a 25, we're going to add a tier.

It's called the mush tier. All right, it's $30 a month. 10 goes to me as a fucking big. Yeah. Yeah, I get my taste. Just a little face. And then we could all do group fitness classes together. Stone, he have to go to.

Yeah, I just thought that'd be fun. Stone, what? I'm telling you right now, fucking do this. And you too. I'm doing good right now, man. I'm not as good as you. You're sweating. Hey, yeah.

Yeah. You can't get a fit on your head. I'm exercising, sitting down. You can't afford to get your stomach cut in half. permanent flex I have. You're sweating. Ugh. My face is greasy. That's good. I'm glad you're doing good. You do look better. We're working on ourselves, man. We're good.

I mean, it's, it's, we got to do it. I look at these, you know, all the comics and they just shredded and working out and not all of them. Not all, there are people that, not the ones I hang out with. And there are some that, you know, are definitely not. It's hard. I mean, in this profession, it's very hard to have that like healthy regimented lifestyle. The lifestyle doesn't lend itself easily to being very healthy and you know, conscious of that because you're working at night, you're up late, you're traveling, you're on the road, those options aren't there. So to go and really, really do it while you're in the midst

of this lifestyle, this whirlwind sort of life, is difficult. So the fact that you could do it is very impressive. It's difficult. Let me piggyback that real quick. Let me piggyback it. Let me piggyback that real quick. If we could circle back.

No, what? I'm making faces and noises. Those are hand-tests. The comedy mind, the people who get into comedy, are dopamine, usually dopamine addicts. We are people who need it, ADHD, it's usually dopamine problem. We get on stage for the immediate laugh.

So we are all also mostly addicted to food because it is a fucking dopamine. The carbs, the sugar, the sugar spike, the bread, it's like, most of our brains are also pre. If you look at comics, it usually happens later in their career when they can afford food. At the beginning, I came to this, I worked at Celia because they gave me food.

Food spots. And later in life, when you have the kid and this shit food in the house and you get the wife and you stay in home a little more is when, you know, like you say, it gets for me. You know what's fucked up is how amazing your body is, that you can literally put on, I put on like hundreds of pounds. Okay, like you were carrying a whole other person. I was carrying a whole person, 150 pounds.

Wow. And I didn't notice it. I still felt the way I felt at 10 pounds overweight. My body adapted to the fucking jeans. I put on jeans and it just made those jeans fit me. I sweated in whatever the fuck app. I just adapted to it and I didn't even know it. I didn't know how fucking big I was. You're mine to also adapt to the mental abuse too, not just like from like fat, but like

when you start getting shit like you're in a bad relationship, you're in a bad thing. You start being like, oh, this is, it just, the water gets lit up. It's normal. And then one day it's out and you're like, who's this living like that? People were just, I was treating myself and people were treating me like shit for this long.

How did I not fucking see that? Yeah, it's true. I couldn't believe like, I couldn't believe, like, the fact that I was getting, I couldn't clean myself comfortably. Was, I didn't know that, I didn't know that was a thing until I, now I could take a shower. And all of a sudden I'm like, what the fuck was I doing? Like I was weird to me.

Putting on my shoes. I had to grab my pant leg, rip my foot up onto the thing, and then hold my breath and put my shoe on. And then my leg would just snap back to the floor like a fucking rubber band. It hurt putting my shoes on. Now I could just, I could stand up and put my shoes on.

Yeah. And I didn't know that. I didn't know how my body just fucking adapted to a hundred and fifty. That's fucking 10 babies. It's a good unit of measurement. That's more than 10. It's 15 babies.

Yeah. I was talking 10 mush babies. Oh, okay. I'm about to cut it. It was 10 mush. That's 50. That's what? Eight turkeys, eight.

And sand. I mean, I mean, it's so much weight and my body just fucking is gacking. It's more though turkeys, babies. What else do you want there? Mushes, cranium. It's 4.5 tires. Dude, it's 60 rech. Hires. Yeah, just whatever. Dude, Which is cranium. It's 4.5 tires. Dude, it's 60 rekt.

Hires. Whatever. Dude, it's 23 pounds. It's nine French bulldogs. Oh. My dog weighs 30 pounds. Oh my god, I'm sorry. He's a dog.

He's a very tall puppy. He's got to get gas. He's a witch on a diet. That little fucker's always on a diet. You put your dog on a diet? Yeah, he's a pug, he has to be. That's hilarious. He walks up and down the- I'm glad you guys are working out.

I really am, and at least eating right, because you don't have to fuck it, be shredded, but movement is the key. I get depressed. I was like, all of a sudden, I think it was like a week ago, I told you about this. I was sad, and I'm just lying there, and I'm like, of a sudden, I think it was like a week ago, I told you about this. I was sad and I'm just lying there and I'm like,

what the fuck? And I was like, I didn't fuck a walk today. Yep. And I went and I just went right out. I walked, I did my little stupid walk around the neighborhood and then I came back and I did a little lift in, like a little curl stuff, 20 minutes. I could find these YouTube videos

with these shredded black dudes. Just, oh yeah, I'll show you one. Yeah, send me that one. He's so hot, man. He's just jacked. He's nice too. He knows the fat guys like me watching. And it's only like a 20 town, and I do it.

I felt for the right, I don't drink coffee anymore. It's all key for Robinson videos. I never mind that I want that one. You work your sick guy on every, but I like it. It's all key for Robinson videos. I never mind. I don't want to work. You work your sick God. I like it. I like it. It's a one-armed video. It's super. Oh, what do you do? Do twentieth cane curl. Give me some of that love.

Yeah. Now pop the bottle of wine open your teeth. Make your mouth strong. Eat that. Oh my God, keep. So there you go. It's been a wild three and a half months, and my life has changed.

And I... Do you feel better now that it's out there and in the open and the honesty is there? I went on stage tonight for the first time. I told you, you know, because this is my muse. I went on stage and I talked about it tonight. It was the scariest thing I've ever done. Yeah.

Yeah, because I did. Why did the stage was probably the strongest it's ever been with the... Well, that's a fact that I couldn't get out. Man, damn it. What was it? Do it try to get out. Let me set you up.

I was scared. I was petrified to talk about on stage. No, but the stage was like, oh, thank God. I couldn't take this guy anymore. No, it should have been something like the word reinforced. Yeah, he's good at this. Let him do it. Ready? I do punch up. All right, here we go. He does great punch up. Let's you try it. Ready? Yeah, it was the scariest thing I've ever done. Ah, but the stage was so relieved, so little reinforcement.

You shouldn't personify the stage. It should be something like you should have, you should, this was the last time you were scared. Yeah. You've lost all that weight. Oh, let me try it. You do it to me. You do it to me. Bobby was this.

No, you said that you be me. I was, this was the scariest time I've ever been on that. I didn't think the stage felt every time you stepped on this. Ah, there it is. 40 minutes to go. But I'm 30 years, fat motherfucker. I had to make sure. I've been doing this for six years.

Oh, six. Six. Six. You've been doing it good for three. Oh, maybe. Anyway, so yeah, it was terrifying. To be honest with you tonight going on stage and saying, I got gastric by gastric sleeve surgery.

What is it called again? Banana surgery. Banana surgeries. Sure. I was saying they named it not after a food by the way. Right. I couldn't have bananas for me and I kept saying the banana surgery.

When they said banana, what the fuck is that? I love it. The thing you need to start eating. No, you can't eat bananas. No banana sugar. No, I can't. Now I can. But it was terrifying.

Because people look at you like, you know, I'm not into that claptor shit. Yeah, I don't like claptor. Same. Yeah, like I survived. Yeah. No, man. You're so strong.

Why can't men just, oh, they're right. You didn't get claptored at night though. You got that, wow, today. What do you mean, mush? I remember that guy went, oh yeah, the guy went, wow. No, because I said I lost. I'm over it. I go, I go lost. He went, wow. Oh, yeah, the guy went wow no because I said I lost I go I go lost

He went wow He should some a dummy chair on stage you can sit on it could break comedically anyway go still Liz can you get on Let's get a let's get on that. Let's get a carotop chair on stage. That's a big big good good good. Yeah, I was scared, but I did get that one. This is why I love comedy. I got on stage, I set it, and then I said, yeah, these two old guys are there.

And it's like, and I kind of got a bit where I could go down that path where it's like, you know, now, you know, older guys, men don't do that. That was because that's the, that was the big thing, man, is that I was like, real men just lose it. Transposure. Real men, what, you don't get surgery, fucking pussy's get put, fuck that. Right. I would have died. have died don't go to therapy

They've been saying the same real men don't fucking die on their family because they can't stop eating fucking ramen, right? You know so yes, that's it any other questions Missed opportunity dude if you just attributed all the weight loss to tiny homes of Maine Right what an opportunity you could have had there you'd been the greatest but better than Jared it's subway I might say What an opportunity you could have had there. You would have been the greatest, but better than Jared, it's some way, I might say. Make it money. You could have done it. It's like one of those fish tanks.

Yeah, but the fish tank is too small. The fish can't grow that big. I had a bunch of out of here. Why are you mad at me? I'm trying to help your kids. I'm not mad at you. I'm just staring at you blankly because what you just said, I can't,

I'm sure you'll not have emotions to your words. Because you got to speak fast in this podcast. At least second of dead air. We're speaking very slow. You're speaking slow. This is a different YKW day. This is serious today. Yeah, we're doing a,

why are you being like this stone? Why don't we talk about your son's birthday? Because it's a 30, 930 and I gotta leave it at night. Let's talk about it. What? Oh no, I don't know if we have the time. I love you. We have time.

No, I have a spot at 1015 where where fucking check us. Oh, yeah Grammar see the make it in time. I know you're fine. You got you said that any man anywhere or one It's on 23rd Street or whatever you're fine. Okay, you're welcome. You should both step on my checklist of hockey and joke who did sorry Yeah, you went you went 10 30 and I was like where check us. Vagia. I was done defense board from Liz. Maybe it was that funny. I'm sorry. Can you punch that for me? K. That's the cheque spot.

Pretty much on this. Yeah, cheque spot. So talk to me. What happened? That was big. Talk to me. You got to hurt. I want to hear this.

Oh, yeah. It's hard to switch gears into this thing. I'll tell you. So this weekend, I went away with my family. We were in the fucking woods and St. George Lake George Very nice with my tea his family hanging out with her family and they're all really nice and supportive and I kind of came to terms with this fact that like I don't know how to jump in this But like you know, I stepped out used to beat the shit out of me. And I never

accepted that that was real. It was always like, no, but back then they were all beating the shit out of each other. Oh, but he wanted us to not, you know, fuck up. So it wasn't like he beat us up because he was drunk. He didn't want us to whatever. So then it was like, oh my god, like, then I started inspecting the shit. Or I'm like, you're stuck to beat the shit. Why are you? This is the way a lot of the things you do are because you were, my call is funny because I told my friend Mike and he would come to my house. I was like, man, what was your perspective of my family growing up? And Mike was like, oh, it was weird that every time I came to your house, we had to go into the basement and known was

allowed upstairs. And I was like, well, upstairs was where the your house, we had to go into the basement and known was allowed upstairs. And I was like, well upstairs was where the family was and we had to stay in the basement. Yeah, man, but like a lot of families aren't like that. And I went, that is kind of weird. Then I talked to my brother, because my brother's older than me. And I'm like, oh, I wasn't even getting,

my brother was getting at a thousand times worse. And then I looked at my brother, he's in a hardcore band, wears all black, he's got a shirt, he has a tattoo on his belly, it's his persevere. And I'm like, I always like, that's so funny, why would he do that? And you go, oh right, because our stepdad was beating the shit out of us.

And I have just accepted this as a thing. So then I'm like, okay, like, whoa. And then I'm like, look at my mom. And I'm like, why the fuck did she marry this fucking guy? Now my mom, now I'm like, no mad at my mom. I'm like, why the fuck did she marry this fucking guy? Now my mom, now I'm like, no mad at my mom. I'm like, why would you fucking let this guy into the fucking house? And then it comes the fact that my mom doesn't really call my,

doesn't really, we don't really see my mom often, right? So now I'm like, this weekend I'm spending really upset with my mom. I'm like, she doesn't, my Calvin's birthday is this thing. I'm like, she hasn't called. There's nothing, she, I've seen my mom like three times this year, which is like, you know, she, but she sees my sister, she's constantly going there.

So I'm getting mad at my mom. And I'm like, fucking upset and pissed. And I'm like, this shit. And right before I got here, my mom calls me to say happy birthday to my son. And my mom didn't have her dentures in. And I see this woman who now is a thousand years old. And so then I'm realizing that life is this thing

where it's like, first you think your mother is in your family, they're superheroes. Then you get older and you go, oh, they're not these superheroes, they're fucked up. And then you go, oh, but they're only products of their, of what they were. But by the time I come to that realization, I go, my mom's going to be dead soon. And I'm finally in this place of like accepting who they are. Yeah.

And I'm like, shit, why I wasted years just sitting there. But my stepdad, he just should have, but like, but he didn't want, he said this to me and I was a kid. He went, I don't ever want to see you on the other end of my gun, because he was a cop. And I was like, oh, he doesn't know how to handle fucking kids fucking up. So he treats us like a television, where he just hits us until it gets clear.

And then I go, you just didn't have the fucking tools. So yeah, I mean, I had this, listen to me. I'm crying again, by the way, third time, third time, third time episode, Jesus. Are you coming? Say crying, I'm crying. No, I'm crying. Both, I'm crying.

This is terrifying. We funny, if sad stories made him come. Right. We've had like a Calvin Tune, I'm like, look, I know I'm gonna fuck you up, but like, I'm gonna teach you how to be love and to love and like how to love and how to accept love and that's all I can really do and like I hopefully You don't you don't fucking hate me for the best. I'm doing. He's not gonna

You know, he's not got. I mean, I know stone like well enough to know that Your product of your upbringing and that has made you one of the most loving product of your upbringing, and that has made you one of the most loving, emotionally generous people I've ever met. 100%. I mean, like, and that's amazing. The fact that you came out of a situation like that, and on the other side, you are so generous with your emotions and your love for people, for your friends, for your family, for your kid, for your wife, that no one would ever fathom

that you came from a place of violence or any other hatred. It's shocking. I had the same upbringing, but I, you know I did. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? I never knew that that happened to you. Right, so yeah, I mean. So it's to me to hear that, I got hit all the time. I got called fat

stupid idiot Wacked in the head punched in the stomach punched in the face. My mom stepped out did the same thing from kindergarten to fifth grade Mm-hmm at that age think about that my Yours my that's maxes age. Imagine me punching max in the face. Crazy. Because he was late.

Imagine me punching him down a flight of, I mean, but your kid, because of who you are, I came home the other day. I come up the driveway. Max sees me and his face goes, runs, grabs me, holds me, not hugs me, holds me, goes, come into the trampoline. I climb up into the trampoline, thank God. Just screamed. No, sorry.

I'm not fat now. I know you're not. But it's fun. I mean, it's still fun. I love you, bud. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed.

I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed.

I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. I'm not screwed. lie down and we're lying down and then he scootches up next to me. Let's his arm around me and then grabs my hand and holds my hand and we'll look he goes look up at the sky and we're looking up at the sky and this is what I

used to do with him when he was a baby. You know when he was a little kind little kid we used to lie on the grass and look at the sky and that's what he wanted to do when he saw me and I'm seeing sitting there going, fuck, I love this. I love him. He's not getting that guy. Because you got that guy. And I'll tell you this, fuck him too. I know, that's great.

Look, I forgave my mother. Because my mother was 15 when she had my sister, 18 when she had me. And she had no therapy. There was nothing. You just buried it. You took it all and went, and she didn't want to go on welfare. She just went to work and she married this guy,

thinking that he was had money. And all that, she made a lot of mistakes, and we suffered for it. Right. And fuck him. Right. Fuck, there's no excuse to hit a child. So there's no excuse.

I don't know how to excuse, but like as I am, the reason I say that about Calvin, I think, you still talk to this guy? Yeah. So the thing about this is that, and like he's, he's definitely softer, but what happens to him?

Well, he could beat him up now. Well, that was the thing I said to my brother. This was the conversation I had with my brother. I went, dude, it's crazy that by the time you get old enough, that you could beat the shit out of this guy, you don't want to. Right. And my brother tells you this story about how,

because my brother's a hardcore dude, you know, six foot three, they call him the wolf. I think I told you about him. What happened to you? Dude, put the opposite, put the opposite. Stone zone on the wolf. Stone zone on the wolf. Stone zone on the wolf.

Stone zone on the wolf. Step one's big in macho, the other one's a little lumpy and short. Yeah. My step, my brother, I was coming off tour with his band and George said some shit. And my brother was like, dude, I'll fuck you up. And he said in his eyes, George, he had like, you got like, and my brother went, you just took all the pleasure out of this. Like, you look like you coward a little bit and he Anyway, yeah, I don't need to do this anymore.

And it was a thing. But I'm not defending George, but I am saying that like, he, your dad, your real dad, the guy I talked to on the phone. My real dad is Joe, that's the best guy ever. The best. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, so that's the thing, right? Let's just, let me open this up.

That's your fucking dad. My real dad is my real dad. My real dad was an alcoholic who was joking, having a great time. My mom left my mom with a ton of bills. My mom literally broke up. They broke up and went, I'm doing the opposite and married a cop who says three words

and was a carpenter and fixed the fucking house. And like, he, and I don't want to, I don't like this, I feel weird saying he'd be the shit out of me because it's like, it wasn't like you. He wasn't this guy who'd come, like, he, and I don't want to, I don't like this, I feel weird saying he'd be the shit out of me because it's like, it wasn't like you. He wasn't this guy who'd come, like I know people who were, they would like their dads or just whatever. He just didn't know how to do anything so he would hit it.

I get it, but still, I get it. I understand you still party your life and you have to co-exist. I stopped hating my mom and fighting with my mom. I say this all the time when she whispered in the phone, when do you realize I'm never gonna change? Oh, it was the creepiest shit I've ever had. She's home. Right. And everybody's there and was screaming at each other. I met Mohican son on the fucking out on the terrace by the pool. Yeah. Fucking, ah, you fuck, why do you?

What do you realize, Bobby? I'm never gonna change. Right. Like I felt her go. Oh, that's amazing. And I was like, I get it. I'm out. I change.

Right. That's it. So I understand that. But dude, I have p, what is that? PTSD. PTSD. I have PTSD from getting hit. Like my anxiety, my anxiety, people say,

you don't have fucking anxiety, you're confident, you're a fuck you guy. No, my anxiety is when somebody fucks with me, I will fucking murder you, because he made that. I chased that guy with a hatchet in the fifth grade. I learned that fucking, you wanna hit me, you wanna fuck with me, I'll fucking murder you. And fifth grade, I chased him with a knife,

and then I went after him with a hatchet, and I was not fucking around. I was going to fucking bury that hatchet in his chest because he gave me that, what is it called again? P N G S D. Thanks, I have it, my? P N G. Thanks. Thanks. I have it.

My brain doesn't work. And I still have it to this day. I get that anxiety. Somebody fucks with me. And I have to fight it off every day. Dude, I have this core memory in my head. Sorry that this is a little bit off of my stepfather just hitting me in the face

and me just going, fuck you, you pussy, that shit doesn't fucking hurt. And he just hitting me. And to this day I go, why wasn't he hitting me? It's this idea of like, I still don't even know why the, like what lesson was he trying to teach? This is why I'll never hit my kid. Because I remember that shit. I clearly probably did something, but you know what I remember? Seeing his face and being like, fuck you pussy, right? Maybe it was just some other, you know what I mean? All you wanted.

Why would you hit your kid? Sorry that that. All you wanted. All the kid wants is to be loved. Right. All a kid fucking wants is to feel love and feel belonging to something. And that's your job as a mother and a father.

If I can, I just want to tell Larry and Sandy Burke, how much I love them and they did a great job and they never hit me. I don't want to speak for anybody else here, but my parents are pretty great. You're a voice. Your voice is that of a man way older and grizzled than you. I mean, let's be honest.

Your parents did not do a good job. You were adopted. You're, oh yeah, I'm supposed to be a senator, but I turned out like this instead. You look at him and he's a sweetest looking guy. And then he talks, he goes, How's everyone doing? I've been tracking this bull

after 37 years. I started, I tried, I did a Florentine impression once, I just got stuck in it. I just got things out like Florentine. What are you talking about? He does look like a bounty hunter. Yeah. Wouldn't you take about? He does look like a bounty hunter. Yeah. Thank you.

Wouldn't you take over your helmet Mandalorian? I wish I could, man. I wish I could, man. He does, and he has that hair. No, that's very mean. That's Mandalorian helmet hair. Meadest thing he's ever said to me too, by the way, was he told me that my hair looks like a hay.

I can see that. I grew up for a year, Lizard. I don't see it before. I can see that. I grew up for a year, Lizard. I don't see it before. I can't really remember what it looked like. I look like a pumpkin patch. He bought that from the Frank Sinatra, a state sale. That's Frank's weekend here.

He looks like if Brian, if he looks like a Brendan Sackalo had a soul. Oh, my God. I don't know. Which we know he doesn't. That's it. What? That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's the choice. We were both the same person. We had to choose. One of us is going to be a rapper. The other one's going to learn how to weld. We just went with it. For the record, I love you, Brendan.

Yeah, he's got a nose ring. I hate him. He's a nose ring. Oh, he's such a sissy. When did he get a nose? I don't know. I don't know. It's like, stop trying to fill the whole tub tub. Right. You're doing fine. You're doing great.

You're doing great. Brandon, he's got a little tiny gold nose ring. Ugh. He's a... All right. I'm not gonna say anything. Who gets nose rings? You know, we brought that back, too, right?

That's not like a new thing. He must have had that and then decided it's time to. Oh, he had it before. I'm sure of it. I sagged one of my boys, but I'm pretty sure that just rattled him out in front of us. Yeah, that's two. All right. Well, let's move on. We have questions from the fans. You're gonna go. You gotta go. No, no, I'm just gonna do the maps. I'm gonna look at the maps. How long have I had loved you're just saying that because you don't are they running on time? Liz, no. What do run usually on time. What time is the show?

Start. Time for the show, start. I want to, I don't know. This weekend, my man, you're both both shows, right? Yes, sir. New Town, Pennsylvania at the New Town Theater, me, and then we're going to be at McHenry Theater. No, what the?

Mock Chunk Theater. Mock Chunk in Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania. Jim Thorpe, me and K.P. will be there Friday and chunk theater, my junk in Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania. Uh, Jim Thorpe, me and K P will be there Friday and Saturday night, uh, Saturday during the day, uh, I'm marrying Joe Russell and his wife. Oh my God. That's right. I'm in it's around the corner. Where is it?

Are they doing it? Apparently, I got the show run and it's in Rick Rome is singing. Oh, yeah, because Olivia and Rick are, yeah, they sing and Tom Pop is dumb fucking show together. And they met and Russell took his class. Yeah. So Rick is gonna be there. I'm sure is it at the thing over there by my house?

Yeah, right over there. What? I don't have time. Why? We have questions for you. One question. One question for Tom. What's the fucking, what are you doing?

We'll have a 10, 15 spot. Where? New York comedy club in 24th Street. It's a 32-minute walk or a 12-minute cab ride, but I didn't want to pay for a cab. I'll pay for a cab. I don't know. I'll pay for you. I'll pay pal the money to you. Take a cab. I'll pay pal the money to you. All right. Okay. I'm not going to take it, but I'll take a cab. Just take it. I'll send you a question. I love you. Walk halfway and then you hop and have a cab. How long is your spot over there? I think a 15 20 minutes pot. Oh, we can change the world with that 15 20 minutes pot Well, we'll change the world when they say we're booking you in one spot on the 10 o'clock show

I can't put all my eggs in one basket basket because all my I do want a spot, but I have to think of the biscuits. Mm-hmm. Can't put all my biscuits in one All right, we you gonna be this weekend? Um, this weekend. You know what, Jesus. No. Yo, check out my album, Check Out Night Cream. Oh, that's so funny.

Oh my god. We're doing the Night Cream show. Oh my god. It's so funny. Bobby. You know what? Fucking Night Cream, man. You don't know.

This sociopath, it's unbelievable. What are you, is this the thing where he sings with the little A.M. Yes, he's the most intelligent boy. he's the most bizarre. Where is it? Stereical thing here. We do it in the bar at the pussycat on Monday nights at like 11 35. Come to the show. It's like you do a little stand up and we auto tune you. It is. And then you sing little songs. The people like it. I love it. Does the crowd

like it? Yeah, they do. You're like, not only that, you also know it's so good. Can we pitch the show as a comedy show for Netflix? Yeah. I'm telling you this right now, we are the new Play the Concord, your tenacious dude. This is literally like, when every comic has to come and sit and watch this,

you know it's something. And I'm addicted to it. I'm coming Monday night. Addicted. It's the 24th, so it's a few Mondays for now. Yeah, the 24th's something. And I'm addicted to it. I'm coming Monday night. Addicted. I'm talking about 24th. So it's a few Mondays from now. Yeah, the 24th of October. October 24th.

I'm not caught. I can't make that. You can. Now, I'll try. I will try. I'll remind you. No, I'm going to be an LA. Oh, fuck, that's right.

Yeah, never mind. You want podcasts? Podcasts. I remember I gave my cat, Bomas, to a transsexual bartender. And she was, she was, she was, Bommas is gonna be okay with me. Don't you worry about it. Just do that all the time. You gotta read the question.

I'm gonna freak the fuck out. Oh, sorry. He's freaking out. Sorry. Let's see if there's any questions. Oh, and if I can get my Instagram followers with a 10,000, my wife said she'll have sex with me. So, how many do you have now?

If I, and if he gets a 50,000, she said she'd have sex with me. Oh. If I get the 50,000, my wife can have sex with Bobby. Really? Yeah. As long as they both enjoy it. Let's make it.

It's been a year since the kid, right? It's been a year since the kid today. All right, good. I'll do it. Yeah, feels like six months away. I don't want to do that. All right, here we go. Let's just do it.

We're going to do questions for Greg first from Dan Connacoquaski. Oh, the good friend. You know him. That co-cook that guy? Greg, where's a good place to start if I wanted to read some from Dan Connacolcoquaschi. Oh, the good friend. You know him. How could I die? Greg, where's a good place to start if I wanted to read some classic Marvel comic books? Oh my God. 70s, 80s.

And what, there's a double question. We don't have time for this. And what do you think are the best animated DC Marvel series? Oh, I would say, look, if I had to off the top of my head, my favorite Spider-Man of all time is Reed Michael Shrizynski, Spider-Man. It's like early, it's like 2000s was drawn by a Rameeda Jr. It's my favorite arc up until they bring Satan into it. I think it's, they reverse everything at the end. The devil

shows up and goes, he needs to make a deal with the devil to save Aunt May. It's the biggest bullshit ending, but it's the best Spider-Man run in my opinion. Real. It's an Spider-Man. Okay. Okay, and what about the other part, DC Marvel animation, what do you think? Oh, as far, I would probably, the last thing I saw, it was pretty good, it was like, what was it called? It was like the end game for cartoons, did you watch it?

It was like, it's, I don't, I pass. No, go, Batman and me, it's series. I have a question, why am I speeding through this? What if your kid hates comic books? Well, then I hate him. No, he goes in your room and goes, Dad, when are you gonna read all these faggy dolls? He 100, there's no way I'm not breeding him

to hate everything I love. I, because I am forcing, every day he wears a spider-man full costume. No, sometimes he has Star Wars stuff on her adidas. Yeah, he does wear adidas, he looks like a guinea. I dress him like a mobster, or he has a Star Wars stuff on her adidas. Yeah, he does wear adidas. He looks like a guinea. I dress him like a mobster. Or he has a Star Wars. He has a chewbacca full chewbacca.

I love it. It's a full chewbacca thing. Did I show you this thing with Max? Oh, he's so beautiful. He's a cute kid. Yeah, he's dressed like Spider-Man every day. I show you the thing with Max. I'm up in New hamster by the fire. And I did a video. This is why I love max. I'm sitting by the fire outside.

Mm-hmm. During the day, I'm just sitting there. And all of a sudden, I'm gonna send this to you. You bring it up. Nicole, ready? Can you do that? Yeah. What's your name again? Still Nicole. Oh, right. I just sent it to Nicky. Yeah, she's gonna bring it up dude. This is why I love the kid so much Anyways, let's go to the next question because you're panicking. Yeah, no wait. There's nothing worse when Greg gets Exactly, you know, it's it's it's it terrifies me Really you just want to be like Greg from Curtis Wheatley is the macaroni ready. What the fuck's happening? Oh, unfortunately the macaroni is not ready.

The macaroni has been taken off the table. I was in a podcast with Mike Vecchione called the macaroni rascals. The macaroni rascals. And we had to end it, set the table. That was our catchphrase. Got it. There we go, you ready for Greg from Tom Hrouten.

Classic Hrouten. Since Greg collects action figures, I'd like to know which one of his is the most valuable, which one of his values the most, which one is the least painful when inserted into his a-and-is. Thanks, dude. I love the people think because I collect action figures, it makes me gay. No, it doesn't. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I love that people think because I collect the action figures, it makes me gay. No, it doesn't. We just know that you stick them in your bum.

Well, first of all, I stick everything. Why would I stick my finger in my bum? I stick vibrating mechanisms into my bum. I do not stick my action figures in it. It brings the value down. Everyone knows. It's like a car. When it's, when soon you take it off a lot, it's down 2000. That's what you do when, when they make,

you have to, you have to, America lot, it's down 2000. That's what you do when they made Captain America black. He just sticks him in his bum. We call that git bashing. Get asking. That's for my own side. So what's your favorite one? It's the most valuable. What's the most valuable?

Two good questions. My opinion. The one I just sold, I sold one about last year was a Joker, Mezgo Joker figure. I sold it for about 600 bucks. Wow. And now, but currently my favorite is as a Mezgo Joker figure sold for about 600 bucks. Wow. And now, but currently my favorite is as a Mezgo Wolverine. He came to Sentinel Bay's lots of heads, lots of,

oh God, I was on vacation and I missed him. What? I was like, I just can't wait to go home, look at my fig. My fig? My fig. My fig. Look at my fig. Yeah, my figs.

You can go now, Stone. I know. My fig. But my favorite shit right now, I now stone. I know. I know. My fig. But my favorite shit right now, I completely stopped when I had the kid. I have a couple of things coming every now and again. But I collect these little Star Wars. They're called Squadron.

They're just the spaceships, but they're all the same sizes. They would be. They're all in scale. And so I got a Millennium Falcon. I got real, sorry. I got real high at the work out. And I was just flying around my hotel room and landing. You brought it with you. You brought it on the road? I bought it there. Oh, thank God. I high at the work out. And I was just flying around my hotel room and landing. You brought it with you.

You brought it there. Oh, okay, thank God. But I did bring the X-Wing. So they were hanging out to kill you. You brought the X-Wing. They fell into the suitcase when I dropped it in there because I was gonna be bored. Liz, he's bringing toys on the road.

Did the poor guy come up? The poor guy's a hellhole and you gotta do what you gotta do. I can't wait till his son and your wife's Korean, correct? No, what is she? I can't wait. I'm loud do. I can't wait till his son and your wife's Korean, correct? No, what is she? Tile. Tile, mouthbook. I can't wait. Good, because you know she has some tough Asian tie.

He's gonna be like a man, man. Like that's just kicking fucking bambooz with his shin. Yeah. And his dad's gonna be in the room next to him flying tie fighters. He's like, happily. What if he doesn't like it? What if he grows out of it? He's like, Dad, why do you do that? in the room next to him flying high-fififters. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na- That time, he's not gonna accept his father who identifies as a child. He'll be very accepting of that. Dude, I can't wait, this was gonna,

oh here it is, this is why I love my kid, right? Look at us, this is my favorite. Why I love my son. I gotta go, but I love you. Look, watch. That's hilarious. Oh, I saw this, I saw this, what can I start? I mean, we're in the middle of the woods.

I, this is the start. Sus, he's sus. I mean, this is a terrible. He's sus. He's sus. He's sus. He's sus back. I fucking love him. Listen, I love you.

And I'm so happy. I'm so happy about you and your kid and how much you love your son. And I'm so about his birthday. And you get to be the dad that he never had. That you never had. You get to be the dad that you never had. You never had. You get to be the dad that you never had. You get to, your son is going to grow up

with love, affection, and a great father and mother. Thank you guys for being this up. I'm gonna miss this part. I mean, it might not happen. He might get addicted to drugs early. That might mean nothing. Oh, God, no. It's in his bloodline.

It is. His mom is awesome. His mom is awesome. All right, buddy, I love you. K.P., I want you on my podcast. I'm gonna let you talk the whole time Hey, be sit over here. You don't even I got to move now. Yeah, we'll move Don't check them out. I'm coming down. I'm gonna come down money night night cream. It's fucking insane It's really is give me a hug Do it again. Do it again. Come here. Give me a hug

to it Do it again, do it again, do it again. Come here, give me a hug. Do it. Two hands, Stone, two hands. Two hands, Greg Stone. You won't. Night cream is super funny, though, right? I mean, it really is the best thing I've ever seen. By Stone's own, I love you. You could wipe your tears on the way downstairs.

I love Stone. We got a couple more questions. Do we have any questions for Liz? No. I'm going to go soon. Please. All right. You can go whenever you want.

I know. If you've got to go. I love you here. I wish I wanted to. Can you be on my show every week? I love you. I love you so much. All right.

KP. Here's one from Scruffy Bowls. What? Scruffy Bowls. This is for you. We have a question for you. I'm excited. How you excited? I am now. When you went on the road with R.K.

what do you believe is his greatest asset? What have you taken from the time spent on the road with him? And Greg, how long will you continue to push the singing career for? I'm sad, Glidey left for that. That would hurt his feelings. I know. It's... It can't... what are you saying?

I know we love Greg. It's all right, so it's not just the auto-tune sort of gives him this freedom that he doesn't have when he's just doing his own material. He just starts improvising with audience members, with other comics, and it is. People love it. Yeah, I mean, it's just like there is.

Let's film one and put it on YouTube. Yeah, no, I mean, I, we've been, no, this is where it is now. Where is it now? That's not it. We need a little, is this it? This is him just singing with whatever.

We need to sort of work this into more of an arc and Greg and I were talking about it to try and just figure out how to do it. So you're on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so happy because it's addicting. I'm coming. Addicting. We should all come. When my whole staff and you know like they see all the fucking comedy when they're all like night cream. The girl apologizes and try to kick me out of the I'll fuck her no one cares. Try to kick me out of the... I'll fuck her, no one cares. Try to kick me out of the comedy cell tonight.

I walked in, sir. She called me, sir. I walked right by her. I go, yeah, beat it. She goes, uh... She was... She was lost in much weight. She goes, you're not supposed to... I go, whizz, Liz.

She goes, um... I know. She's, I think she's in the back. She goes, I'll go get her. I go, I got it. I went in the kitchen. I was like, who the fuck? Look at the wall! Mm-hmm. Hot poppy. She came up at a pot. She, I got it. Thank God I went in the kitchen. I was like, who the fuck, look at the wall.

Hot Bobby. So she came up with a pause. She said, I'm sorry, I didn't know you. Hot Bobby. Hot Bobby. To your credit, you've never fallen asleep in the passenger seat. Anytime I've ever had to drive you anywhere. That's what I've taken away from the mentorship

you've given me on the road. It's a bad partner that falls asleep. You know, also Bobby, like on the road, like when we went to Vegas, Bobby is always down to do anything. Like Bobby just doesn't want to just sit around and do nothing. It's like activities.

Let's go here. Let's go there. Let's see this. Let's do that. And a lot of other people are like, I'm just gonna sit in my room and write all day. And Bobby's like, no, let's go live. Let's see these places.

He's taking me to the mock chunk jailhouse across history from our gig on Saturday. That's awesome. Taking me there. We're going to wait water rafting, I think, right? No, we're just going to suck each other off in the parking spot that give us. As long as you're somebody to afford the show.

Oh, nice. No, you're right. I do love when we go away. We had a good time. Yeah. Yeah, why are we going away again? I mean, I'll see you at Skankfest. We should hike one day.

Yeah. Let's do one day. You've got to let me know when you're coming going and then we'll coordinate. So there's nothing else you've taken on the road. What do you believe is the greatest asset? I don't want to kiss your S2 hard, man. Why not?

I mean, why not? I've given you all. I know, and I love you, and nobody's been better to me in this business than you. But why, why, why do you have problems? It's going to sound so gross right now. It's not just yet already. Just say it.

Whenever you go up on stage, I'm saying this is myself. I go up on stage. I think I left it all out there. I think all the new stuff's working. Everything's perfect. Good tags coming to me. And then I have to hear you make the room go one decibel louder because I'm just not that good. All right, you're the best man. You know that. You show me what a room's capable of

and then I have to feel bad about a good set I just had because it wasn't what that was. I'm sorry, I was thinking of something I have to do tomorrow. What did you say? No, I'm gay. That well dude, listen, you don't think that you don't think that when I'm over at the pussycat and Colin Quinn's going on before me, I'm like, fuck. Guy went to Rome. Yeah. Colin went to Rome. He's got 20 minutes on Rome.

I went to Rome. I got a fucking ajada. I got the best potta. You had a great time. Oh, the land that's on it. Well, I feel like I know Liz because I've been in the car and been told I'm not allowed to talk so many times when you guys are talking on the phone. She doesn't know that I'm in there.

But this was planned, right? You were going to go to Italy first and then do the weight loss thing? Well, the thing was, it was the perfect thing because I was going to the greatest place in the world for food. And I came to Liz and Liz literally, I went to school. I had a car for these just to eat. Well, I had to come here and she was like, she had maps. She had books. I have books.

I gave you books back. And she was like, you have to do this. And she actually wrote, go here for breakfast. Do this for lunch. This is for dinner. And I was going to all these places. I give Colin the same. Yeah.

And if he didn't go to that fucking place, by the way. No, no, I know. There's a place that she sent me for the Cabanara. Cabanara, yeah. Cabanara and the Kashyapetpe. Yeah. And it was. It's just an amazing restaurant.

Like everything they do, they just do typical Roman dishes. And it's like to sit out on the street and look and see like the castle behind you. And like it's in your eating this amazing food. But not only the pasta, the, the, the, the pasta I got before, all the appetizers were. It was one of the best meals of my life.

And I had a bunch of them on that trip, but Rome was the best. Did you have a, a death Romeo? I had a bunch of them on that trip, but Rome was the best. Did you have a death-romial? I had a bunch of them. I just knew that when I came back, three days after I got back, I was getting the surgery. And I knew that, but I was working out every day, but I was eating this food, and it was perfect

because I went on this food tour, like the farewell tour to be in a fat fuck, and I went to all these places. You did it right, you did it right. I did it, I mean, dude, I was so happy. like the farewell tour to be in a fat fuck and I went to all these places. You did it right. You did it right. I did it. I mean, dude, I was so happy. Anyways, all right. Let's move on to the next question real quick. Greg, we got that and then KP Kirk, Greg Aguri.

Ask KP about the Bilber read his letter on Monday Morning Podcast about, oh shit. Wild fucking story. He talked about it on the Irish goodbye. I love your list. We'll see you downstairs. Goodbye. He talked about it on the Irish goodbye. I love your lizz. Good hangin'. We'll see you downstairs. Good bye. He talked about the Irish goodbye a while back.

What was that? I told you this story one time on the road, but it was a long story short. I got blackout drunk once and wrote to Bill Burr on the Monday morning podcast about a legal situation I was in. Yeah. But I left my name out and I left all the details out. So he was allowed to read it.

And then it was my check that I was with at the time. Member of the House in Florida. Yes. So I had a house in Florida. And then me and the chick went through it. And we wanted to split it up. And then she tried screw me out of the house, which I was trying to be good to her about it.

But anyway, she had a new boyfriend in like two months after we split up. We were together four and a half years. And then the new boyfriend I found out was using a fake name and trying to pretend to be the lawyer to screw me out of my own house. Oh, yeah. While he was living in my house, it was about as gross.

I had no problem with the entire relationship. And then a couple of ugly moves that she pulled. What went up happening was I got blackout drunk when I found out that the new boyfriend was pretending to be a lawyer like I said. Wrote to Bill Burr, forgot about it. I wrote that on a Saturday and then on a Monday my buddy Jeff calls me up and just goes,

hey dude, I think Bill Burr's reading your life on his podcast drink. And he was, dude, uh, I think Bill Burr's reading your life on his podcast drink. And he was, he, uh, I completely forgotten that I had done it, but, um, I posted the link on my Facebook. And I guess enough of her friends that are also friends of, uh, mutual friends, they wound up, uh, sharing it. And I believe she heard it because it's one of the greatest text messages of all time. We didn't talk for like three or four days after this. And I wrote to her and I just said, hey, if you still wanna handle things civilly,

we can, but I'm not dealing with the lawyer anymore. And she goes, civility went out the window when you involved Bill Burr. That's gonna be a shirt. And then I got to tell Burr about it because when Verzy filmed his special in sleepy hollow or whatever, I went up with James, right? And we're hang out there.

And then Berger's like shaking people's hands and stuff. And James tells me to this day goes, it's the only time I ever heard your voice squeak. Oh, right. That's what I was like. Hello, Mr. Burr. And I told him the story and he was dying laughing. So it was good, man. It was a good bookend.

Yeah. I mean, I lost a house. I know I don't know, life savings anymore, but I'm here on a Tuesday, right? Oh, boy. Yeah, you said dead bodies tonight. We got one more question for you. Max O'Connor, question for KP. What you, what got you interested in joining the Navy and what ultimately made you leave if you can share some, some are saying the latest Maverick movie is probably the best representation of Navy's operation your thoughts. Top Gun is a recruiting film. It's absolutely true. Most people don't think they think Air Force. Which is way it makes no sense. This is a weird

stat that I know for some reason. The Navy has more planes in the Air Force, and the Army has more boats than the Navy. There's no reason for this. Yes, correct. We're dividing by zero. So the Navy, what the fuck does the Air Force do? We're not sure yet. We're looking into it. Well, this is the thing, people don't understand.

The military that you guys hate each other. Like the Navy, the Marines think everybody else is pussies. Oh, it's there. Right? The Navy, the Army hates fucking the Air Force because they get more money than everybody. Right? You guys all hate the Air Force because the money goes to the Air

Force first, then it goes to the Army, though the Navy, then the Army, and then the Marines or the Marines, right? Are there other armies that have a better quality of life for sure? Yeah, yeah. And everybody doesn't like the Air Force, but what the fuck do they do? It's so weird when you meet veterans too, because you've seen, I've talked about it on stage before on shows, open up for you, but it's... The Air Force on flying, but what does it read that?

The Air Force focuses on flying, but only a small fraction of personnel actually fly. Most airmen and air women work on flight support missions, handle base affairs, etc. Not flying. So the people flying the missions and bombing and all that and fight it, it's the Navy? Yeah, majority of it. It's nuts, man. The Navy does everything. It's pretty. So you're not just queers with hats on a boat, yeah, majority of it. It's nuts, man. The Navy does everything. It's, uh, it's pretty.

See, you know, it just queers with hats on a boat. No, I told you, deliver in the machines. We want to have sex with each other. We just don't have the time. Right. It's busy swapping the deck. So many things going on. You just got a hole in that hammock.

Guys, swings his cock over your lips at night, like a, like a, like a cuckoo clock. Oh, man. This episode took a turn. Remember a minute ago we were crying about like, stones, kid and good. How it's back. Hey, do you guys, do you guys, is a lot of guys banging the name?

Did you catch a lot of guys banging? You know, it was weird. We had two, cause I was in when Don't Ask Don't Tell was still the policy. Right. And then there were two guys. For short. Yeah. Well, there were two guys. We knew. Yeah. Well, there were two guys we knew on board

the ship. There was like out and gay. Yeah. Nobody gave them a hard time. Whatever. And you could tell they were doing like gymnastics and stuff. But every Sunday they had like brunch. Yeah, there were the dress whites tied up above their belly button. But. So there were guys that were out and then what was weird is that when the rules went away, then you found out there were other people that were like playing it on to quote, you know, the down low or whatever that were then comfortable about it. You're like, Oh, shit, I never knew.

All right. Oh, really? Yeah, it was weird. So there were a lot of gay guys in the Navy? Not as many. I'll tell you what. Why does it get the rap that navy is the gay part of the military the gay branch

i mean part of it's probably earned uh... but uh... in the uniform is i mean the the the popcorn the the the jack the crack a jack uniform is just ridiculous uh... people like it man fleet week around here hey guys love it yeah fleet week you mean fucking suck a boat guys dick in an alley week. They were I was here for the Henry Hudson festival 13 years ago.

Yeah. Is my ship came into Manhattan. Yeah. And we went to a couple of Yankee free tickets. Anything you want. Can't buy a drink anywhere. And girls just want to take pictures with you the entire time. It's the only time I've ever fell famous.

Really? Yeah. I mean, one time I was like, setting up t-shirts for you after a show. Yeah, I felt pretty good. You look good too. That's it. I want to get, I want to get, I want to get anybody who opens for me,

a shirt that says, I was funny too. That's it. I want that shirt. Man, that was the brutal one. It's actually one of the best feelings ever was a guy that as Barry Shale we did. Yeah. And I know much.

I'll appreciate this. Oh, that's just sucked. It's I mean, dude, I have fans. It was a nightmare. Dude, it sucked. But everyone left happy though. Yeah. You what?

Yeah, go sit down. Fire gun bush. Mosh. But yeah, there was a guy, a really cool dude guy in a wheelchair. And he actually, he was trying to take a selfie with you. And I said, I said, oh dude, I'll take the picture for you, just go, oh no, I want you in it. And I was like, alright, this is what acceptance feels like. Right, I'm here now.

They awkwardly, oh, they make a look at me. Good dude. I was thinking when were you guys were in the balcony, right? Yeah, it was a, you, a boss and forerunteen up on a fire escape. 50 yards away from the crowd, packed house on a fucking balcony with no lights with a shitty sound system.

We had an echo. There was an echo. They let for the musician. God bless them. And then the owner of the place was fucking so shit face he had to go home. Because here's why everyone like, you know, like, a lot of credit, like, like, tag glasses known for going to places and saying how to fix it. Sure. But I've noticed that you do that too. Very well. You tell people how to not have a check spot, you know what to do with just like, just little things like, where to put chairs,

temperature or things like that. And it all works. And they always tell you, no, no, we can't. And then you make them do it and then it works. Like, why do you think the ones that don't do it don't do it? Because they're stuck in, they don't care about the comedy. They just don't care. They don't, you know, stand clubs that wanna make money.

It's a business. They wanna sell booze for a ridiculously over charged price. They wanna make a lot of money. And I get that. And they'll have you there to attract people to come and eat and drink. A comedy club like Acme, food is third. Comedy first, they made the room where all the seats are facing the stage. You can't eat in the room.

You eat before the comedy seller. You have to get a paycheck. There's no check spots. You can't talk. Shut the fuck up. No cameras. You will be kicked out. It took years of them training their audience. This is how it is when you come just like theater. You know you don't do that shit when you go to a theater. When you go to a play You shut the fuck up or you get kicked the fuck out. If they catch you on your phone, they'll come over and if not, you go. And they'll escort you the fuck out. That's the way it is. You know comedy clubs, these people just don't care. You're the fifth thing on their list.

They're waiting for you. You just have the record, right? What? You know you have the record for, I think it's the most people ever kicked out of an Uncle Vinicio. Yeah, but that was a group. It wasn't your fault.

It wasn't my fault. So it's not my record. If I didn't, I would be proud of it. That's not back your baseball card though. That's a good one. They left. They were cunts. They were just drunk.

Well, look, it's a, you know, a bring your own booze thing. You can't, you can't regulate. Comedy seller, if the way she says no, when I bring in it, could you two drunk? It's comedy first. Sit, comedy first. And what, the clubs that put comedy first are the best clubs and the clubs that don't.

They worry about their wait staff being a little, have an anxiety cause they had to clean up faster. I'm sorry, if you, I love the wait staff at all the comedy clubs. I do, it's great, but I'm sorry, but that's, I'm the guy. We're the people that you're filling the seats. So give them the best show. Don't fuck me with a cheque spot.

Don't drop your dumb cheque standing up, talking loud in the middle of my joke. It took me, look, it took me a minute and 20 seconds to get to the point of this joke where I'm gonna drop the punch line. It took me 45 minutes to get them, they're with me. They're watching the movie. They're listening to the story.

They're engaged and you come up, yeah, do you want something else? Are you fucking nuts? So now I know that you don't give a fuck. Yep. You know what I mean? So fuck you. Taking that cell phone and stuff.

Totally. Well, we have to turn over the room. If the comedy seller can do 37 shows a night without having a check spot, well, they're a small avenue. No, they're not. They have four clubs, five clubs. They're doing this at. Stop it.

There's no excuse. Well, they have less people. They have a hundred cedar around the corner stop it do you hear that laugh it up pukipsy get your shit together but listen I also know that when I greeted you certain clubs this is the fucking horror I'm gonna face so I do think in another another angle on it is that it makes you a stronger comic if you can keep people engaged during a check spot, during fucking assholes, waitresses that don't give a fuck, and they still, at the end of the show, like, fuck, woo! Then it makes you a better comic.

That all that stuff makes you stronger too. But the fuck the check spot, T-shirts are available now on comicwearables.com, use code word ladybugs. I hope everybody gets it. Fuck the check spot. I mean, I was called synergy right there when I just did. 100%. We're going to wrap this thing up.

Go there and get all you Y-K-D- Look, listen, the falls here. Get your hoodie. The Y-K-W-D hoodie is one of my favorite hoodies. It's so comfortable. It's heavy. It's nice. We have the hats, we got the

beanies, get yourself a nice YKW doobini. We got the fuck to check spot up there, you got the Skankfeck, we got to get a new logo this year by the way. Kevin, if you're listening, it's two weeks away, you fucking cock sucker. I mean, what the fuck? I got to talk to him. We got to get it going, dude. I mean, you gotta get you doing those fashion commercials. Yeah, we're gonna steal everything that Andrew Schultz does. We're just gonna do with me. Fashion. I think you can do those type of dances better than him.

I know, he's pretty good. I know, he's good. I'm not taking it away from him. I think with your lips, you can do them better. I have great lips. You're more athletic than people give you credit for too. No, I'm not. You're more agile than people give you.

Guys, stop sucking my dick. The show's over. I think like that. Okay, so I can put on this. It looks like I'm about to get a facility. Besides, my dates this weekend. That's very exciting. What do you got?

I mean, what do I have? I'm going to be opening up for Robert Kelley and Pennsylvania on a weekend, but I'm excited about that. I'm also excited, dude. The venue doesn't know. It's my first time ever headlining a full weekend, but Nick's comedy stop in Boston. Where?

October 14th. The Knicks. Downtown. Yeah, the legit one, man. I was very excited. My first full headline weekend, we're going to do it and try to pretend like it's a normal thing. Congratulations, man.

That's where I started. Well, I got to gig from you actually how Eric Eric oh remember the nightmare gig we did for the corrections apartment Where I had to drive. Oh, yeah, Eric. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great dude, man But he he was a gig I thought it we had fun, but it was set up to be a nightmare Yeah, yeah, and then because of that there letting me actually headline again October 14th for the same cops thing. No, it's just the regular weekend at the club He books it. Yeah, all the kid that was there that book correct Eric. Yeah, oh, Eric. Yeah, who's a great guy

Good. Good. Good. I'm excited. Thank you for that and then of course all weekend with Bobby Kelly, so they give you a hotel and have I should probably ask Kelly, so they give you a hotel and have I should probably ask What are you sleeping your car you fucking joke off? Well, you can't just take a gig dude. It's such a bad move when I have to call Sackalo for career advice. Hey, buddy. What do I? How does this work? Hang on one second and putting my nose ring. Anyway, I'm going to skateboard. So speed this up. All right, all right, we got that. Let's go over the names real quick.

I wanna thank all the new Patreon members. Right now, we got Justin Davis. Thank you, $10, my God bless you, man. Love you, Mike DeRusso. Glad to have you, Tony, we got five euros. Bob Bam, Dominic, Vecca, nice name, Vaka, Dohian. Hey, baby, thanks for being a supporter. Grant, you're the best, Robbie Goodwin.

Robbie. Yeah, last week. Oh my God, he joined for five bucks, your cheap Cuck's Sucker. Do we get him a shirt? I don't know, dude. I mean, what the fuck, Robbie? Come on, what do you want to see the video? Probably. It was all about Robbie come on what he wanted to see the video probably

was all that he wanted the audio then to get he only got audio what he want to it's free on Sunday thanks for being a supporter man Eric cook 10 love you Brody Austin great name Oh you know that guy was a January 6th fuck uh Steven scales five bucks a month. Thanks for being a supporter. It all goes into paying mush. So he can do fucking nine million things and whatever. And really I really appreciate it. Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly.

If you enjoyed the show on YouTube for free, go over there and support the show. I mean, I mean, there's other guys that multi-millionaires from you guys giving fucking Nichols want you help me out. You know what I mean, I mean, there's other guys at multi-millionaires from you guys giving fucking nickels. Why don't you help help me out? You know what I mean? More importantly, you get an extra YKWD every week. You get an extra YKWD. You get an extra culture in Kelly. You get the JOP. I'm doing a lot of extra stuff for you guys. We'll be doing the extra one. I think tomorrow at some point. At some Thursday. There's it would be better.

Thursday Thursday Thursday the be better. Thursday. Thursday the extra YKWD with me and mush are going to be on and you give your plugs are you're going to be there. And again this week I'll be a gym throw up. I'm going to skank fast. I'm going to be doing a bunch of podcasts this week and I'm and mush at Mike Vswarez and where are you going to be? He'll be for me tonight.

How was it tonight? It was great. It was so much fun to be back at the fat black. Yeah. So I'm going to Vegas, Skankfest. Then I'm going to Austin to do some podcasts. You figure it out. And then CB Live in Phoenix, great club and then Hilarities in Cleveland.

Going to LA to do some podcasts too. So I'm going to be promoting the special coming out. We're going to be pushing it. October 8th, my birthday. So we'll gonna be promoting the special coming out. We're gonna be pushing it. October 8th, my birthday. So we'll be pushing that special on that day on luicetk.com. So go get it. I'm going back to Boston.

I'm going to Naples. All kinds of places. Go to my website. And what else, Nikki? That's it. All right, give it up for new Nikki. She's back behind the, you can't see her. YEEE. Oh, and follow Bobbi at Robert Kelly Live on Instagram.

Yeah, follow me on social media. You guys are the best, we'll see you next week on You Know What That! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan. ¡Friparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com you