Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Hang Nail!

Episode Date: June 28, 2012

The gang is joined by Joe List and Pix 11 News & The Glory Hole's Felonious Munk. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un duvena que de Maú, a Madrid. Encuentran los bares de madrila de fíjale madrinos lía.

No me nace de mal, a madrí. It's Dan Soder, monster voice from the You Know What Dude podcast Bobby is gonna be live comics of Fox Woods June 28th through the 30th the 13th of July Bobby's gonna be in musket fest cafe. That sounds made up. It's in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania Whether the 19th 20th or 21st Viva Las Vegas Bobby's gonna be at the Empire Comedy at the Parasotaal So go check that out. Rhode Island, you got from great strip clubs. Well, you know what else you got? Eight on August 16th, Bobby's gonna be at the comedy connection. Go check it out. One show only. Get your tickets. It's gonna be a blood bath.

I don't even know if that's not a proper way to actually promote a comedy show. And 18th August, Wilbur Theater, Bean Town, the prodigal son, or one of the prodigal sons returns, one show only. So get tickets now before it sells out and you guys end up getting in fights with your sweatpants and your Celtics hoodies. Fuck yo, there's fucking sweatpants kid. Fucking warm up pants and sweatpants are the same fucking thing. And fuck yo, go, bean time.

Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton, this is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cookin', you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude? This is Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what, dude? You know what, dude?

This is Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what, dude? I Listen this is another episode of you know what dude can you do it then you know what did Are you fucking kidding me? I can never do it. You don't try I do try right now. You're not trying you know what did Joe? Can you do it? You know what dude? You that it You do it first and I'll do it. All right. Let me hear it again. I don't listen to the show Joe's lips are too small to do it.

Look at this. This is how far I can never be gay. This is how wide my mouth opens. I swear to God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. My mouth has a circumference of fucking peo.

That's like someone with a like that's how someone with a wired jaw. That's how far they can open up. Joe can only make love to a cog. Yeah. You just have to do this with it. I can flirt with it. Who's your baby? Who's my baby girl? I got a small mouth.

Who's my little baby girl? You can do to a cock when I do to my little dog. Who do we do? Who loves you? Who's the baby? Feed it? We get, that makes sense. Who do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we do we we do we do we do we do we do we do we do out. Make sure we'll have a big party if we do at a Now we're not gonna do anything now. We'll have a big party when we get money

What somebody actually fucking pays us Hey, those fucking podcasts. It's a hundredth episode. Yeah, you have 300 listeners relax Don't fucking doing bringing back all your favorites. Hey guys for you fucking 20 people that have been here from the beginning Aunt Betty fucking assholes I'm Betty I'm Betty. Oh, I'm I know you do you from Boston everybody I'm Betty a fucking Clara a baggy a daughter a fucking Kathy Marie Joe you're gonna ask coffee. No, I'm drinking Coca-Cola. Okay, cuz I got you a green tea. Oh, she's yeah She is we got there's Kelly to stuka a K.A. Sexy Kelly Let me tell you something

Better than the fucking single mother like at stuck at home in the babysitter cancels Yeah, I got real drunk at a bar in Denver with my buddy and our waitress walked up and took our order and then as you walked away I looked at my friend. I go she's gonna get what do she do? We stop it. It doesn't need to be out of the way Because he was taking a photo. Well, let him fucking do it. Why don't you run a show? Listen to the fucking people talking? I think I think I think part of Dan thought that that joke wasn't gonna work so he used that to bail. Joe Joe knows me very well. I think he called it Honorable. You know that's funny as I looked at the line. I looked at the defense

on a fuck. Let's just run the ball. I don't like that you're not fucking paying attention. You're actually worried about fucking sexy Phil. Taken photos worried about the photos for the show fuck the sh- what about the show? Yeah, we're not a photo show We're fucking podcasts. Yeah, you listen to what the fuck's going on. Yeah, yeah Yeah, look at me look at me look at me All she just did it. No, I know she did tell him she did the hell didn't fucking crush us every time Come on I would never ever get a blowjob from Kelly because you know why in the Should be like do you want me to pick up some coffee cups for Monday? It's okay. It's okay. It's just your penis fitting

You always ask me if I talk after sex in next time I have sex I'm gonna be so conscious about what I say yeah You should the guy will be like so good I'm a wine voice and All right Kelly, you know what you fucking you you you take over the show right now take it over Take it over I don't I can't have any internet. I'm trying to figure it out Take the show over. No, I can't do that. Yeah, you can go fucking go Journalist so good to have you here. Oh, thank you

What's up? Welcome back to public access Auckland. How are you to do stuff? Yes. Yes. We have a show. No. It's your fucking show. This is your shot. This is your shot. This is your moment. Well I don't have anything to. Okay today we're going to talk about the dates. You know you're gonna bring up the fucking guest You guys I say yes bring up the fucking me. You're gonna do to do is me too That's the way I wrote you know the show where I talk and then I introduce and then I talk and I do do go So I can know don't maybe do you put me on the spot? Yeah, that's what show businesses on the spot go

You got it Kelly I believe in you I believe in you do it. You put me on the spot. Yeah, that's what show businesses on the spot go You got it Kelly. I believe in you. I believe in you do it. All right, you guys ready for our next guest Yes Why don't you tell me real fucking code are you ready for our next guest? I didn't even bring a tight five This is for my beating everybody Everybody here. They're drinking need not to Okay, okay Kelly take it over baby go go. What can you see the results in my voice fucking truth? The man that the show is all named after Robby Kelly guys I see Robert you know what I'm thinking but Kelly is

Losing weight Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for having me on my show Every time I see Robert, you know what I'm thinking. Robert Kelly is losing weight. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for having me on my show. Yeah, you are losing weight. Thank you, Bob. Thank you, Bob. Yeah, you're welcome.

All right. So what's going on? Nothing. Oh, God. This is painful. It's more painful for me than it is for any of you or anyone listening. Impossible.

No. Ah, that was good. No. All right. Where are you? It sounded like a black mother. For me that is for any of you or anyone listening impossible no All right, where you like a black like a black mother when she said that we're no anding you That's an improv joke I like drunk Joe better Joe let's go to beer I need a beer I don't like fucking T sip and Joe Just reference classic down close It's easier for him drink tea cuz it's hot and his little mouth is

We had to do so are you gonna do it or not are you bailing out? Make me feel bad just I'm giving you a shot time for tech talk This giving you I'm giving you a shot Kelly you making a good for tech talk. I'm giving you a shot, Kelly. You're making a good opportunity to something bad. Just fucking do it, baby. Okay, all right. So our fifth guest. Yes, fifth guest. Are you a regular on the glory hold podcast?

Yes, I am. You're on the brand? I can never say your first name though. I couldn't read it properly because I am not a good reader. I was just going by Mr. Monk. This is pretty easy. It's pholognesia. Pholognesia, okay, so I couldn't read it. You make it fun, see?

You had one fucking person to introduce. And you said I don't know your name. No, I said I could name his name. And the credits were a question. So you're on? I don't know, I'm going to drag you on Now I don't even know how to answer like I wanted to put the question This is such a great. All right, listen, Philani is monk. Yes, sir. Listen now now. I'm not gonna call you Philani is monk I'm gonna have to call you either monk. Yeah, I'm well first of all favorite show on TV one of them

Yeah, great show one of my favorite shows monk. Yeah, great. Have you ever seen the show? It's fucking great I like the better in wings now are you fucking nuts are you nuts the character monk is fun it's just the the OCD that I got everything has to be the germa foe it's a modern day columbus they did he was a yeah he used to yell at yellow dog put the lotion in the belt. I like that you just break your buffalo bill to answer my question. I don't know. Do you want to help me?

You might help me get this couch in my van. I'm just going to broken. Monk, stop. Monk, stop. Hey, Monk. This is your frontward. Yeah, that's funny. That is buffalo bill.

That is funny. He's got a fucking great hair piece. Oh yeah. One of the best hair pieces. Yeah, that's funny. That is Buffaloville. That is funny. And he's got a fucking great hair piece. One of the best hair pieces because it's not, you know why his hair piece is good? It's he's still got a receding hairline. He's not trying to get a full fucking chunk like your Volta.

He's not trying to be back as sad and I fever. He's like, you know what? I'm fucking bald. I'm, but yeah, I'm gonna save some. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. When you were losing it, Bobby.

When you were losing it. Did you ever think about getting a piece? All right, here's the, here's the, yeah. I don't like the Joe list looked up like, help me, because I'm getting there. No, he's not. No, he's got. I'm kidding.

He just says that I had to tie for it. His forehead. That's a big one I'm getting high for it. His forehead He's he's got a forehead that like just definitely gets shots of of bowtops We do we need to get him a beer and some new Benjamin fucking Frank bit. Wow. Oh, fuck. Flat tire.

Do it. You know what I was going for? Benjamin Franklin glasses. And I said, Benjamin, I love Benjamin buttons. You've had enough tape. Do we need to fucking be in now? No, let him do his thing. You do what you want. You need to fucking be in now. Now let them do it, then. You do what you want.

Now listen, Monk. Yeah. Yeah. You're, uh, when you're from, man, this is the deal. The reason why I wanted you on the show, first of all, Rob said you wanted to be on the show. That's all it takes, ladies and gentlemen, you want to get in show business just ask. Well, here's the thing.

Well, that's why Kelly's here. She just asked, you know, I mean, I'm serious. And she's, you know, she worked out. She's the thing. Well, that's why Kelly's here. She just asked you know, I mean I'm seriously And she's you know, she worked out. She's the doll her comedy fucking blows as we snomkin Kidding I got a treat for you today, baby. I got a fucking treat But before we get into that that treat is that dress We're gonna this one gonna talk about we're gonna get back to Kelly's thing monk We're gonna get back we're gonna get to Kelly's thing right now, because I have to address this.

We're gonna get back to Monk, but Kelly, honest to God. I'm gonna tell you right now, I'll tell you right now, tights on a fucking girl, I don't care who it is. You're wearing black tights, I wanna, I also wanna do, I wanna stick a hole, where you pussy is yoga pants Way pussy your asshole may be right and then rip it with my fingernail like a little hang nail and then just stick my dick It is you time something beautiful into something

I was I'm now hang now you said to make a hole I thought you hiding what the fuck was that that was let's up We know it's fun though. I could kind of not at all When he drinks tea does song parodies Party was hoping that was gonna be people would think that was soda because it was kind of like I No, I can't think but then you said you was at a punk version Yeah, I was doing hang now. I thought whole gallows whole I was doing hang now. I thought whole gallows whole

Flat tires when you fucking just biff it on a sentence like Bobby did with the Spenderman Franklin I really did just His was a swing of the mist It's good. I think you just didn't I would kill in an outroom. It's all I'm saying if you made a thunder cats reference Oh shit, can we turn the fan off sweetie? I'm sorry So I know it's blowing her hair around. Yeah, if you made a thunder cats reference out. Oh shit, can we turn the fan off, sweetie? I'm sorry. Sorry. I know it's blowing her hair around. She's got that dress on.

It's like a slow motion scene from an 80s rock video. Beautiful. I shot pussy. I shot it. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm so envy you right now. I didn't see her pussy.

I agree with Monk though. Tights him all right with yoga pants. Yoga pants. Yoga pants were yoga pants would make hug the butt Perfectly listen to me. I'll tell you let's I'm gonna go through yoga pants. Yes. I agree fuck yeah Anytime you see a sweaty chick in a supermarket that just came from yoga trying to pick up some yogurt And some weight watchers bars. What's fucking mr. Tando? What's fucking Mr. T doing? I like yoga pants. Yeah.

It doesn't hang around with yoga pants. Mr. T with AIDS. He's Mr. A. He's fucking Mr. S. Mr. T. Six unsuccessful brother. Yes. No, but the yoga pants, the body, the body, the body. He and Liz Archie Joe's face going.

He's Mr. T. If Joe Liz was Mr. T. To the two of us together, smaller than Mr. T. T. I listen man, I'm telling you know it's a hot but look at black tides. I fucking. I thought you hated black tides. I could be hated them because they make the they make the mince smelly. The what? No, no, no, no, no, stop stop. I hate the mince. You're pussy. It's a fucking another Australian shit word for pussy. They fuck things up. If you win Nylon's in the summer you're if this you're pussy smells There's something wrong with you a fucking let there's something wrong with your pussy and your legs if you are a pretty girl with

Nylon's on in the fucking summer. I don't care if you work at fucking hooters either You have to fuck you and do uniform require yeah because you get you'll see their fucking snatch lips if they bend over It'd be so good if it just hug that orange little bikini box. Okay, nylon Make me fucking ill. I'll throw up you have nylons on you pussy smells there's something wrong with you Tights on the other hand black tides nice Nice I look at a fucking thick Australian muffin. Oh, God.

That's crazy. Kelly. Yes, I'll tell you, I trim my bush fat. Yeah. Do you have a patch or is it just natural? What do you got? Our reckoning is like the fifth time we're spoken about. I reckon you fucking need to tell me again.

Because I keep forgetting. I know, I could use a reckoning like a fucking sheriff. 1959. I reckon I'd need to tell me again. I keep forgetting. I think you're using reckon like a fucking sheriff since 1859. I reckon I've managed a bit before they're probably kidding. I'm here another game, alright? That was monk by the way, that was not the black monster voice. Oh, that's it, we're at Spockett. It's a jam session. The voices are getting thrown out.

I believe Serb comes up. Hi male! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm male What do you got? Kel? All right, let's go around the room first. What do you got? I'd actually shave you shaved all off Smell yeah, sometimes smells you gotta keep it. I keep it low all the time, but in the summertime you Good for you Well done You know what I wasn't gonna say that but that's exactly why yeah go down there and especially if you've been out all day It's just like what you get more head or you give my head you get more head It's take the time. It's the time frame between

You know have to jump in a shower wash your balls Not a way dick. What's wrong? She didn't put put the lid on dummy I think you're talking about your balls shit she didn't put the lid on put the lid on you spill that on the fucking table with that spelled it all over myself don't yell at me dad I'm not yelling at you yell at me you doing a voice For I am upset with a great bald hitting chief I'm sorry Indian Dan

I felt you can handle a sippy cup Dan Oh, I felt you don't you have the fucking weakest grip in the world screw this thing on it's 55 fucking people in here 36 voices already. I know I listen Joe. What do you got mine's bananas? It's fucking You have bananas in the box You have a girlfriend and we have a nice thing going Hang on one second. Hang on one second. Listen to me. I want to know something. Does your girl the same way? Does she have the same mentality? got a boyfriend it's bananas down there Do you rub do you rub and do you rub bananas on your views? No, I just use the word bananas

I'm gonna start it's a Boston thing. I'm a big fan of bananas The black guys get it. Listen, it's's not a Boston it's not a Boston ratio I'll keep saying banana That's no that's what we don't see black guy in here now. It's all about the next fucking way to you leave Don't be Amy fuck y'all Nice Congo reference you said here all week Listen Congo or in his bush and he's bush. Oh, yeah, so you have uncamped

Uncapped well, it's up to now. It's shaved up a little bit He's dancing there and the Congo or in his bush and he's bush. Oh, yeah, so you have uncamped on kept well Sometimes I now it's it's shaved up a little bit. Yeah, I'm a little bit everyone's around let it go crazy And then I shave Mickey Mouse ears into it, which is fun. It's like a little elephant but to Puberty ears So right now your shit's crazy occasionally get tusks too It's pretty right now. It's like medium, right? Medium, yeah, yeah, really? I shaved like probably a month ago. It's like your mustache right now.

Yeah, does it look crazy? That's good. All right, what do you got, Dan? I take it all off the balls on the side and I leave a nice little Hitler-Matt-stash. Really? What are you abroad? I got a bridge.

I got a bridge. Listen, dude, you either take it all off or you let it go. I got a baby dick. I don't want to look down. Dude, you got a Hitler dick. What a bridge. I said dude you either take it all off or you let it go baby dick You got hit the dick what the fuck is wrong? You have a little just a little hit the mustache on top I got like a little bridge Nice I don't know. I think it looks nice. You just ended up selling me so tight. I don't know.

Hi. Hi. Hi. So you trim your balls. Let me just ask you a question. Yes or no? All right. You trim.

It's a Bobby. You shave your balls. Yeah. You shave them all. With what? What do you use? A buzzer. A buzzer.

A professional buzzer. Or just one of those cheap ones from De Dwayne. One of your controllers. A cheap beard. Beard to him. It's a buzzer from the game scanagories So you use a cheap trimmer on your balls electric or does it plug into the wall batteries? What are you batteries batteries? So it might run out once it's has of the wall batteries what he batteries battery so it might run out once it has and half the balls of fucking no but then it looks like a werewolf turning into a werewolf but then it grabs the hair yeah that's why I started shaving my go T off because one day

I was I had a gig I was doing and I had a razor and I started trimming it and I only trimmed half of it and it died And I had no time to get batteries nothing so I had this half Hairy half I was like fucking I had to shave it all off. I'm like I'm done. I'm done. That and it became the 21st century That's another good reason Bobby I was like that from him. I was good. I was good. I'm going to super calm. I'm going to fight like you're gonna fight me I like it. I fight me. I like it ready So you you have a little a little mustache. Well, I don't understand why you have a mustache Did you curl like blowing Magnum PI?

Big Selik fan What's your slutter sitting now literally the only person who knew that song? I don't even think that was that was actually that was 18. Nice That was what was it again? Do it again. I'm back to P.I. I'll do it. I'll play it. I want to do it. I want to do it. Come on. And then it has the part where it shows the guy with a mustache and he goes You don't know fucking Tom's that looks name. No, the other guy that you didn't know our guest name. She booked him She'd been talking over a week Philoneas monk. She couldn't fucking get it out. She's been talking on and your own glorio

Tewitus You're a fortuitous mugger. Yes, yes Phenoneas Black man with the beard All right, did you find it? I'm finding it. All right before you find it. I want to know what What is your what kind of what kind of bush you got? I know I get I get rid of all of it unless you catch it right now if here's a deal right now if I if nobody's here I'm I'm meeting you a boyfriend a girlfriend

I'm gonna go down on your box and give you a nice weapon nice little I'm gonna go in there and give you Like this right in your clip Who are you? I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.week billing cycle. I don't I don't want excuses. I just want to know I don't care Listen to me. It's hey there now because I kind of hair like a little bit because I got a white for the grass Stop getting fucking defensive I asked Joe I asked philonius I asked him I'm gonna tell you and you get defensive like a stop being a fucking broad What if I go down on your bunks right now? What is it gonna look like? Yeah, there's a little bit of hair there.

Like what kind of... Like what you want like, like, like, you want like, you want like, millimetres and stuff like that. I want you to show everybody. No, I'm just joking. I like, like, like, like, the hair on my arm, like, like, so it's a little...

So you don't have a lot of hair down there. No, I got a little bit of hair down there. You got, just a tailion. Yeah, I'm a tiny, I'm gonna be here. It's probably like, like, the root, the few plucked hair... It's like, like, a little bit... If you plucked, if you took one of your pubes out, it would have like a white ball on the end of it.

It looks like the back of an old board. Right down the middle when it gets angry, Parker's our razor back smash. You can see the skin, but then it's thick. Of course, it puts these like a pokey pine, and we're back into a corner. She can shoot her pubes at your face. Oh. So right now you got your hair down there. Yeah.

Is it going out to the sides? No. So you trim it a little, is it natural or is it trimmed a little bit? Let me just use jazz hands to describe. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, I've been waxing for a long time,

so it's a lot softer than what it used to be. What it used to be? It was, I'm, you're fair. I'm going to be here. Why are you going to be here? You don't get the hair situation when you're like 10. Why are you getting mad at people? Stop.

Well, because I'm a little passionate about. You're passionate about boobs. I always want to know, your eyebrows used to be like a retarder guys? Come on don't fly tire I Faken face your face while I'm in the middle of something you're looking at me like That's stupid Come on. That was the flat tire. That was the flat tire.

The engine didn't turn over. It was like a full. You want to do a trip. Oh, fuck it's avidado. Yeah, yeah, fuck it. I perhaps look like a retarded. What are you doing? Oh, boy.

What are you doing? Are you plugging in? I'm in the music in. All right. Just something ready for ears to hurt. I need I need to turn it on Is this gal? Oh, I don't know what I did that was that was arrow Smith's fucking dream on Yeah, I was a guy and do you want to go for Andrew Mike? Oh Kelly this is important information because we do have what we're talking about today.

We set up, I got a bunch of emails for dates for Kelly. Yeah. We got a couple black guys, a couple of regular bearded white guys. Who was that? Was that Flowne and Smoker Man? No one knows. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, hang on, hang on, is that ready? How I'm gonna point to you and you just say ready? All right, and then we'll decide ready yeah Yeah, yeah Pretty sure who the third one James Brown's back in Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah That's the black voice Black guys use their voice we don't even none of us talk like that We just do raw Galerians Raw That's hilarious That's from hilarious You don't understand now listen to me How fucking badass as a comic How badass you know you are

To walk out on stage on your special in a leather purple paisley suit With a glove on with rings over the glove Do you know if I did that? You would be laughed out of the business If I walked you'd look like the gimp from Belfix. Bobby would look like an eccentric gay billionaire. Everybody's like, hey everybody, look at my rings and my love. You just have a harem of Thai boys. So you call me Elton John. Whoa, hey, it's not the me Elton John. Whoa. Hey, that's a fucking

star mountain John. So listen, um, yeah, who? Who? Who right now? As a comic? Nobody has that much power to walk out in a leather suit. A one piece. No, that's a much. I were all leather and bigger blacker. Yeah, but you know what? He wore all leather and it looked like a regular suit. He did wear all leather, but it was a natural cut. was even more fucking Michael Jackson suit with leather pants That's what Eddie Murphy basically came out like The same time I was in the first one. So you got to go

Gilarious was all red leather right sit the the Purple was purple easily with black It was crazy. He's only 22. He did delirious too like yeah So much old any even have an opener in a band Band the fuck He's only 22 needed to do it is to like had so much old any demon open in a band. Yeah, that's right band The fuck Band is ways you to follow yeah, yeah, you get a guy like you going out and fucking annihilate in the place or Shit or shit in the bed You got a band going out going bam on come on hey

You got a band going out going bam on come on hey I'm gonna stuff the guy Let me start it You know it's funny you know it's funny I They're we black black guys always talk about when they do urban rooms how the music from Dev Jam is what started out I think any Murphy might have really started that because you don't you don't do that anywhere else in mainstream rooms You don't get music You might have started that I mean not like that not a fucking... If you go to a black room right now, and this is a middle of the room.

I like that you tried to make a fucking... You just made like a... Yeah, man. Let me tell you something else. Yeah, no, that... I do rascals. Yeah, that would've been... You're not gonna fuck us for ACD, say.

I won't go on stage. Yeah, no bullshit. Yeah, that would've been on Chantay. I think Chantay. I think him is installing some shit. What the hell did you do? I'm slapping that, because I'm black. Steven Wright, you should come out with some soft-filing music. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. People in music go hand in hand and they used to bring up black and back in the black in the day. Excuse me. Black in the day. I'm going too far now, Bob. They used to, first of all, music in comedy started back in Vegas and the Chitlin circuit and all that stuff.

Red Fox used to come out to, there was a band. I mean, any Murphy didn't fuck it. No, no, no, no, no. That's what I'm saying. When I'm saying is they always try to say it's deaf comedy jam as was started it and it's obviously something that I'm gonna be like. Is that what they say? That's what, if you go to black and I mean they I mean black people seriously you're

gonna see just did a document really what makes us laugh and it's about black comics from vaudeville right right and no shit about how DEF comedy jam changed it and people started bringing music and and it's always been you're right it's always been that way yeah it's always that one I mean I think this this is with the DJ that's not a DJ on stage playing. I mean definitely started with black rooms Maybe I don't think it started. I do not think it started with Prior had the the one the best one the Long Beach one was a Live and constantly what's your toes open for him? That was a singer. Yeah, what's that? Tell us I need a baker. Yeah, I'm

for him. That was a singer. Yeah. What's that tell us? I need a baker. Yeah. Singer. That's okay. That was before. Yeah. They had they had music before comics all the time. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, I mean, the deep. Well, you were laughing at that. I said, you said the DJ on stage. And it's like, yeah, of course, that was the blood. It's not like white people being like, can you please play somebody Holly before I come on.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I did the black guy doing the white guy. Yeah, I'm keeping a character Well, what I'm saying is that happened in black clubs first and they took that from the black clubs and brought it on On deaf comedy jam patty the cell I just thought of it I say that because you know they they accused like deaf comedy jam is like what they call the death of mainstream black comedy And it's not it's just really really, think about the mainstream comics even now some of them when they when they go to black rooms, they're like, oh, you sell out. I hit that shit all the time. It's fucked up. I hear it. I hear it because I do mainstream rooms occasionally. So when I go to black rooms, you're like, hey, you're talking about politics suck my dick. Really?

No, I'm bullshit. Def comedy gym is the death of black. That's really what they because think about this. What about Martin Lawrence and Chappelle and all those guys? No, definitely. DL Hughley hugely all of those guys came from those rooms But what's happening is now you see in a lot of black comics that are copying They're still Bernie Mac kick it and the music plays and they stop it and bring another joke on and people are like Yeah, but that's that's that's that's look at that's hack that's it That's just hacky that you you got that shit look

I've been in the middle of the country. You go out in the fucking middle. You have some white dude or what the fuck is this? Oh god, the worst sentence ever to hear in a comedy club is DJ hit it. And you're like, this is gonna suck. Fucking suck. Yeah, no, but that's my point. What it really does. If you have to show up with a fucking tape.

A CD, a fucking per se. You see two CD going. I just say tape. Yeah, you did. Showing her a fucking hole. I just said tape If you have to show up with what are you looking for you fucking trying to fill the hole of loneliness? What do you want? The beers in there

Stalked for you fucking algae get in there music I'm a fucking for the way dude Take one look at you look at just fuck you. I'm get my one. You want a beer always What racist statement is that no that because I know black people and I like hainakin better than Budwanzer So you know what though? It's a fucking yeah, no, but that's that's exactly what you're talking about with Dev comedy jam and the music cues It's the same shit with high it's fucking this beer actually I like Offering you the different kinds of beer. Oh, he is no, but that's that racist. No, but that's the whole point Everything has to be raised ill you want a hieniken what cuz I'm black. I want to have you're dealing with bananas

You're just doing it. I did it. I'm. I'm knowing do it again Guys welcome back to race talk Welcome back to Bobby I'll tell you there's not bad with that but black guy with a white guy is that's terrible that pushes me The white girl you said really really playing your cards her I love it. I love. I love. I'm working my mother's black guys with black guys. I'm so off today and you know what sucks? You're on me.

You're fucking on me because I was so off last week. Dude, I listen. I'm great last week. Last week was great. I was off last week. Listen, you can't you can't judge. Look at we're going to do fucking podcast. Yeah, I'm not gonna. Thank you. Yeah, how's that bumping into the kitchen later that that. Look at so that's all right.

Listen, we're getting I was just speaking of you and you're vagina. I'm getting back to you right now. Because we're having we last week we fucking stepped on you a your vagina. I'm getting back to you right now because we haven't we last week we fucking stepped on you a little bit. We didn't step. We did it in a good way. I mean you wanted you wanted to be reviewed. You wanted I wanted to hear your comedy. I wanted to know if you were funny or not. I think you are. We came out of it that you got to you got to some work to do but you're a funny broad. You're a hard worker and um. You can go to someone. You can go to the side. I'm on giggles as well. No, just him saying funny broad you you're a hard worker and Now just him saying funny broad just I did He's like a fucking booker in the 50 you know funny broad. I mean I like it. You got balls. I like it

I felt bad a little bit. I did feel I feel I Feel bad a little bit because because it's always it's always tough when you are the motherfucker So and and and to respect you. I got you a little something. I got you a little something because it's always it's always tough when you're the motherfucker so in in in to respect you I got you a little something I got you a little something I had I had somebody send me from the columns remember the set I was talking about last week yeah yeah where I went up I'm gonna put it just on it well seeing is that we're just audio it's just but I want to see sexy Bobby, but I want to see sexy Bobby. I don't care about Joe laugh.

He's not done laughing the mic. I never laughing the Mike. I've had three flat tires. I don't know. Dan wants to see her boat at Kelly's sexy. Hey, I'll get that, but here's a deal. It's audio. OK, but this right what I'm about to play monk.

I this is bad man. This I I listen to it and I almost started to cry. This joke is so fucking bad. And Kelly I think I took this joke to New York when I moved here. Like I think I did this. I think I remember doing it. I madly did when I moved to New York. I think I did this, I think I remember doing it. I am madly, when I moved to New York, I think I did this at the Boston. Now look, I had a lot of charisma, I had a lot of confidence, so I could go on stage and I could talk about fucking whatever,

and I can, people kind of laughed, you know, I had that, which was great at the time, but it actually stunted my growth as a comic. You know, I had to learn how to bomb, you know, I used to remember talking retreats about that. You get to go on, you get to learn how to go on stage and take a comic you know, I had to learn how to bomb you know that I used to remember talking to a tree's about that You get to go on you get to learn how to go on stage and take a fucking hot one because you kill all the time But that ain't helping you because the shit you killing with this fucking killing you So this this choke man. Oh

He I remember the host Billy Martin the guy the guy you're gonna hear first is Billy Martin He was the host yet his own Wednesday night show at the Colons Which is a Chinese restaurant in Boston that was a pretty big comedy club. Hi, it's the grossing Chinese restaurant in America. Yeah, it's fucking great And one of the top 10 restaurants Who the fuck are you? Jealous That was awesome Well, you try to make a connection between fucking any mercy and giant play.

You know, well, come on. By the way, it's Cal Loon. I don't know where you get Cal Loon's. I say Loons. It's no longer fun. I say Loons. Now you're the motherfucker. I say Loons.

Don't ever cross me. I'm not crossing you. I'm just pointing you out. You cock shotgun. It's singular. I'm going to singular one. And and I'm gonna plural you on number two Give me another beers Give me another beers

Some microcosm of the city of Boston their friends. They got what fuck what what you just fucking say? No, you correct them It's really nice. It's Halloween. No fucking. What do you mean fucking? I'm trying to defend you kid? The fuck's wrong with you fucking slap you right in your no chin. Hey. Hey. Too far. Too far. Sorry, buddy.

You have a beard, it helps. We've made fun of every portion of my face. Forehead, glasses, mouth and chin. Yeah, easy target. Don't forget that fucking ball in your neck. I'm in the hair piece as well. Yeah. Wow. I'm in face herpes, Jesus. Take it easy. Fucking ball in your neck I miss the hair piece as well Face her bees Jesus take it easy

You come into package Joe, so it comes together We could call it that though Face her bees nothing I'm sorry Joe, I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Look at his Adam's apple is hanging low I'm sorry I got a dog that's tailed between his legs.

All right, listen, I have, this is gonna be bad, man. I don't know why I'm doing this. I felt like a Kelly did it. Kelly fucking did it. She let us fucking listen to it and she, she trooped it and she's a soldier, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna play this for you, Kelly. But the difference is, is like, you guys analyzed a set

that I had like two, three months ago. This is a set that you did, what, 20? Can I just say this real quick? Yeah. More of a question to Dan. How much weight do you think Bobby would have to lose for us to see his Adam's apple? The reason why that didn't work, the reason why

could I answer this and just or. I want to know why it didn't work. I'll tell you why it didn't work. Because, because you said it was 12 minutes because because you Stoped everybody and you want you came up with a go and you like and it was too good I know it was a little late. It was pretty good. It was too good It right when you would have said your Adam's apples hanging low and you would have gone Yeah, but how much weight do you have to lose to see your Adam's album? Boom. Yeah, you gotta do understand how fucking comedy

How Joe's lashing out. Apparently, you don't. Because you would aid that one. Why would you do that, Joe? Why did you wait so long to deliver the drink? Well, because I didn't want it to rip. You know I bet I didn't want it to rip. This is coming from a girl that has a six-minute setup.

I just got this fucking shit on your... I'm Australian. That's why it's easy, then. Way too easy, then. Let's take a break and review last week's episode real quick. And then come back. Oh, OK. Listen, listen.

This is getting me, Dan. And it will get me now. You want to do it? I'm going to fuck. You know what I did yesterday? You know what I did last week? I knew everyone was going to hang shit on me. And I didn't do it yesterday.

But I actually prepared notes on people that were going to be on the show about their material. So if people were here today, where are the notes? Where are the notes? Well, I didn't do it do me, yes, yeah, we're the notes. Well, I didn't do it because I didn't want to. You prepared the notes because we fill out W9s every year. Wow. That's just fucking smart and

it's very That's Yeah, that's not gonna give Joe to drink tickets cuz he just fucking Yeah, dude that wasn't just that wasn't just fat me Okay cool What what lawyer Failed community college lawyer cuz that was an awful point. Yeah, what the fuck was the Point what failed community college lawyer because that was an awful point. Yeah, what the fuck was the point? Me mean you want to be me. I'm not being mean You're gonna shit all over us I did not just shit. I know you take your feet like a champ. I know you know it's gonna help everybody

I Just called me face her piece. I don't understand Stop stop stop. I called you that yeah, well you she said you got herpes boob boob the face. You talk about it all the time. You've made a full of every portion. You make me shit about my saggy tits and my hairy box. I can. I didn't make that today.

I'm sorry. Monco. What? Last week. A hairy box and boob in this. Yeah she has a hairy box. 70s box. I do.

But that's a thing I wasn't even being mean. I thought what was going up in octaves. I thought what was going up in octaves. I thought what was going up in octaves. I thought what was going up in octaves. I thought what was going up in octaves. I thought what was going up in octaves. I thought what was going up in octaves. I don't think I wasn't even being mean His dog shit Hey first of all don't just point at me and go hit the bottom. Don't do it yourself. Who did this, like he's in the fucking stones? Hit the fucking, or fucking record.

Kelly, get the cricket button ready. It's speaking to being mean. Which, can we talk about that last week? Go ahead. I will like this. I'm like, Kelly, I could see how uncomfortable Kelly was. I could see how uncomfortable Kelly was. I go, you know what?

I'll do my act to everyone here so we can do it my Cardiac and she is a video plays the cricket button. Yeah, she hits the cricket button. Oh fucking That's right. I did you know what you did you fucking gave yourself a death sentence. I was gonna get a death sentence anyway No, you weren't. No, you look at everyone's face and going oh I'm talking Nate what what makes a vicious fucking Where is it? He's So you do fight each way yeah Yeah, he started it. He started it stand by me the guy that you see

Yeah, what a what a backwards YouTube video. This is it's all the white people fighting and the black guy just said they're like this I just don't understand why you guys it's like one of those it's like one of those hip-hop star world videos We just see the one guy in the train witnessing the fucking slow What's even more awesome is you called it hip-hop star world. Oh shit. I fucked it Which is even great That's right. I was doing it a miss. I want to do the flat tire I got a eating pussy That's a mo-ped fucking Let's play this

All right here we go. All right, cut that. Cause this isn't gonna work. Okay, the guy who is bringing me up just FYI, he is actually one of the executive producers of the Bill Marcho now. And one of the executive producers of the politically correct. He was a fucking hack.

Came back to Boston, literally known hacked. Let me, let me callny Clark beat him up really Physically beat the shit out of I mean yeah Lenny Clark you know Bobby Okay, he just really thought I was yeah, I was like What guys look the same so pretty much Bobby who no I'm sorry pretty much. Except Bobby who.

No, no, no, no. No. Oh, sadly. It's all right. It was a trap for a fat joke. It's all right. One of them fucking trying to fucking talk. I mime the fat joke on the podcast.

It was good. I liked it. It was a person. It was a big boy. I mean, not anymore. Lenny, Lenny, who? Lenny Clark. Lenny Clark has been big a couple of times.

He's been every size you can possibly be. He's very like me. He's very, he's been big. He's had like six fats. But he's one every size you can possibly he's very like me he's he's been big he's been he's had like six fats uh... but he's one of the nicest guys in the business and brother mark a love and both but then he is just a sweetheart but yet let me be the fuck out of billy he and they actually talk i think he talked about i had a moment the podcast

back when it was just on the uh... for just me uh... but uh... billy martin actually came back back to Boston dumped his old act started from scratch writing joke jokes yeah uh and then he would submit to the letterman show I mean the tonight show fifty dollars a joke you're facts and back from the facts between you'd facts and jokes he'd wake up every day read all the papers write a bunch of jokes facts and then they'd sell they'd buy them fifty bucks a pop then they go on the tonight show and then his career took off executive producer of Bill Martio now.

I mean, that's pretty fun. It's a little bit of money. Well, here's the deal. He was a fucking known hack from Pittsburgh, a road hack, decided to not be a hack. Admitted he was a hack, decided not to be a hack, restarted his whole career. And now he's an executive producer of one of the biggest shows on TV comedy wise That's pretty bad those type of stories. I fucking love yeah because this hope for you Who's gonna take a shot on hill and I was just waiting for it. I thought we were doing that

I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what a W90. It's a tax operation where you make money. And you made his joke better. And you're right, because I was on live at Gotham Fibers.

So. All right. Wow. OK. Yeah, five years in though, you guys are very, you're in a different comics. You're good, though. We have big paintings.

Hey, you ready for this? Are we ready for this? Yes, I want to hear it. Monkey, you ready? I'm fucking pissed off that we Pro long did let's go here. We go. You ready? Yeah, you ready Joe. I can't wait. Wait set the scene. This is it Right now my here my hair I have curly on top Kind of trimmed on the side and a curly mullet

kind of trimmed on the side and a curly mullet. This is so long ago that the Caloon was plural. Is this the nunchuck picture? When you had the nunchuck picture of yourself on the wall when you're ripped long hair? No. Okay. This was a little after that. I did a curly mullet.

This is after the motorcycle. Um, maybe before the motorcycle or right at the motorcycle. Okay. And on the monkeys., yeah, Al monkeys. Yep, yeah, I'm the monkey's like you Patrease stain yeah, but when we first started doing comedy though because I started in an improv group And then we started doing stand-up just so we could take over the whole show because we would go in and do We would do an hour in college everyone in improv thought an improv thought like you. We would like, we did the hour at the end. We would like, fuck it, let's just take the whole budget. We all do 10 minutes stand up.

So we just did 10 minutes each and then we did an hour of improv and that's it. So we all learned how to fucking do that. And then we started just to like stand up better, you know, because it was yet fucking accolades. And it was your own thing. Nobody telling you, dude, maybe we shouldn't say that it becomes me. But, do maybe we shouldn't say that it becomes me, but

You shouldn't say that. This is Yes, and you shouldn't say and here we go. This is bad now. Do I let it play? Oh, do I stop it? No, you don't stop it. Are you sure it should be a signal if someone has a good one? Yeah, we'll put our hand up if we have something to say I'm like a hearing test. Come on. Let's go I like the former ladies and gentlemen the dear dear friend of mine and a very, very funny young man, he's the winner of the former winner of the WBC and comedy riot right here in Boston.

Also a finalist in our big guest. Right, the former WBC tonight. Right, some of those contestant went on to the national. He's the one. He's the only one in the world. One and only? One! Yeah, so I like you when he said that.

I like you when you were ready. One and only. This is so bad. What's up? What's going on? I'm like you when he said that Hey So welcome to Saga's mass Yes Real quick Dan this audience Sounds just like you could just say anything in the life because you go Sargas What a great name for a town and I was making it was making a face

The work thogas See we're missing a lot of it because there's no I was making a face. I was like, I was like, I was making a face. I was like, I was like, I was making a face. I was like, I was making a face. I was making a face. I was like, I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face.

I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face.

I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. I was making a face. thing was like a huge thing right if you want to win as a we won as the improv group yeah we were the first improv group to ever win and everybody hated us and Mark Perentau who was you know BCN comedy right was one

of the big guys there loved us and he would have us come into the studio and he kept talking about us every day those out on the monkeys those guys of he fucking wanted for us but then we find out know, he's a fucking kid toucher years later Oh, yeah, she's fucking picking kids up in DC with Xboxes. That wasn't that long ago. No, it wasn't yesterday But it wasn't you know, it wasn't still giving away Xbox now You would suck a dick for a game Extra controller You suck a dick for a game. That's an extra controller.

All right. So yeah, this is, this is... So you're doing your local? As Joe knows, that a local reference of the town and how funny the town name is because Caloons or Caloon where it depends on where you're from

is Insong. It's in song. All right. The main friend of the day, I work at construction worker in die company. Stugget. We're going to have to go back just a little bit here. Was that you?

Yeah. I used to do voices too. So I'm going to stop. Here I go. Nice. Here I go. Stugget. You know what it's called?

It's coming from the sound here. The main friend of the day, I work at construction. Nice. Okay. It's August. You know, the cool is coming from the sound either. The main friend of me and I work at construction worker in die company. It's August. I like that I took a spring on him. It's August. Do you see Gus? Do you see Gus? I start, Gus.

I stopped it on my own. This is terrible, right? I'm bad. I'm crushing. Is that all you care about, Joe? It's not all I care about, but it's just going well. It's not terrible. You're not bombing.

Because I always crushed. I never not crushed because I had confidence and I just could do that. You know what I mean? You're listening to the material and you're going. Dude, I just went. I just could do that. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, you're listening to the material and you're going Dude, I just went I just went so August you say Gus I saw a goth Did you hear do you understand what I'm talking about? And kind of like when you walk in on your pants. I'm a sexist right blocking it out of my brain

So I have this bit Calune come on he needs this calloons and August Caloon's in August. Should I go forward? Yeah. Shrugs worker in die, come from Saga. I don't know if you're just bringing on a man. Saga. Do you see Gus? Do you see Gus?

Hi Saga. He's Saga. Oh. And I am proud of that man. Hi. Did you see that? Look at the men here. Who are you fucking for?

Did you guys say that the fucking length is over? I hate the length. I can't see. Good boy. You really hate the winter. Did you hear my bars and I went up? When did you guys fucking see that the winners Sounds like I'm like, I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him.

I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him.

I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him.

I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna do that. How'd you show it? What did he do that? He did take my bit. But he would always put Gellman on. He had his own show at the next downtown. Always put Gellman on. Always Gellman.

Never me. And then one that he looked at me goes, all right, you go in the next four minutes at the end. And then he went up and did like another five. He could have gave me five minutes and cut his five down to four because he's been hosting all fucking night Give four minutes keep it tight and I went up and then later on I see him doing my fuck out of joke about Where did the other day did I do it on the show? Yeah, I'd that joke he stole Anybody has to do a snowball has to do his whole block. Yeah, that should be a lot

I don't think that's bad. Yeah, I don't I don't think that's a bad bit. Well, yes, I'm premise I think at the point where you are now listening to that you know, I can't fucking believe I ever said that right at Phil Can you hear? Put the headphones on fucking believe I ever said that. Right. Phil, can you hear? Put the headphones on, Phil. Don't do it, Phil. Ha ha ha. Bob, shut up, Phil. If you want to stay, if you want to keep Bobby Kelly,

a hero, take those off. Fucking now. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. No, no, if you hear stuff, they first played this on ONA a while ago. That's why you can hear it in the audience.

You can hear it in the audience. I heard Norton go, I already don't like it. You know what? I was watching, I'm thinking he's talking. I thought that's not good. And I'm looking at your fucking mouth. I'm like, how the fuck is he doing? He's fucking awesome. This is just, I'm just, I'm a, I swear I thought it was him talking. Hold on.

I'm in the godries, I'm making a bad, this fucking thing. Just enough for my feet to get by. So I'm just in my shoe. Again, it was all not the window bar, but he went and somebody fat wants to come by. Let the path beg up. Like being a people who get fat from the ankles down, not all off.

God, you get fat from here up. You ever see somebody who's being fat fucking feet, you know? It's my point. Susan, part of stumbling in theory. You got fat feet. It's just funny that you're like, fucking fat people, fat people. And it goes to Bobby Futures like,

whoa buddy. That's what you're saying. You said it's taking a year. The ghost of Bobby Feature? The least. Feature, yeah, what? Bobby Futures. I said Feature.

Oh. Well, listen. That was it? That's it. That's all I got wasn't that horrible No, blah. Oh premise is not so bad That wasn't that horrible you got if you have a snowblower you're gonna hold Kelly I thought I think I just say something though. I forgot that I'm actually I'm letting I'm letting fucking mediocre middle is listen to this mediocre I am a strong a middle this isn't this

a mediocre headliner. I am a strong middle. I'm like a middle of the road fee. If Louis CK Chris Rock and Colin were here, they'd fucking leave. Let me just tell you this right now. You guys are all like it's not that bad. It's pretty good. It's not that bad. I'm looking for work Bobby. I thought it was going to be like, I'm going to shit on Bobby Kelly right now in the middle of the say, hey, Bobby, I'm not going to, I'm not as, I wasn't as bad as Kelly. That's what I'm saying. Just saying. I'm okay. How Bobby Kelly right now in the middle of the say Bobby. I'm not gonna I'm not as I wasn't as bad as Kelly and that's what I'm saying just saying I'm okay. You don't yell at him and say you be a big man. You don't strike back at him But you're an us you go how long you been doing it? I'm pretty sure she already we already answered that for her. We're trying to get work

Bobby helps me He's like he's like you know instrument and we can hope you do if you just got an act I'd gave you two lines yesterday I fucking did my act before you did yours to fucking help you shit on me I had you over my house for a cookout. What the hell do you want me to do? I didn't go to the fucking cookout Yeah, I didn't I don't have your numbers. Well you invite will you invite it to the cookout? I had no idea of the cookout happening. I will we get back Well, damn was invited either. We're gonna take a break. We're gonna get back,

we're gonna talk about Kelly is dates, we're gonna talk a little more to Filoneas monk, or as I call him, monk. Mr. Monk. Mr. Monk. And I wanna know why the fuck I wasn't invited to a cookout. Yeah, Joe. Yeah, Joe.

Some bullshit, man. So what? That was me, by the way. That's not bad, man. Oh, man. I was me by the way God all right, we're doing fucking I'm reading shit fucking chicken scratch Australia I'm wearing kangaroo scratch We're gonna thank out back scratch. We're gonna thank our outback scratch. We're gonna thank our sponsors, the NAACP. Thank you for letting Polonits on the show.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste. And the United Negro College Fund. Yeah, that still exists. Yeah, yeah. What was that? As long as they're Negroes. What was that? What was that? Was that what they give them a college education?

Well, I give them scholarship. They just gave him some money. I think you I think if you did the you and CF you had to go to like a black college though So if you got you know more house or great, you could go to Harvard I don't think that the scholarship was what is a white college all the other ones pretty much I don't think that this college it was what is a white college all the other ones pretty much yeah It's a very well. I use a very white call Arizona state. I'm pretty sure Boston colleges a white college. Yeah Notre Dame Notre Dame Lily white. I were gonna thank our spot. Those aren't really our sponsors, but you know, hey, I you know Maybe unofficial sponsors wishful thinking George town is one of the whitest schools

It is. People don't think of it as that. Because it's a joke. But it's very big in the black culture. That's right. It's a white school. It is very black. People go there.

Occasionally. How odd. I didn't realize that until the villain over Georgetown. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. So we're gonna thank our unofficial sponsors. And the NAACP is wonderful this week Exist their unofficial. Let's throw it. We could just thank anybody. We're gonna all pick somebody we want to thank every week from being an unofficial sponsor

So I'm gonna go to you see you have a couple minutes to think I know some of you right now I'm panicking because you know good as fucking improv. What are we doing? I would yes and yes and already come on We want to thank laugh button live. Those guys are great. Right. They're actually, they did your show last week. It's awesome.

Yeah. Unbelievable. That you haven't promoted. I've promoted. You didn't promote it. Yeah, I did. On Twitter, I've been promoting it. Well, anyways.

Twitter. Those guys are great. They've helped us out. Blue microphone, which provide us with most of our mics here. We all have a Yeti microphone from Blue microphone. Yeah. Unblue. Except for Bob Kelly. There's mine broke Did it really yeah, I don't have anyways any who any who

Intent blue DD I don't know what this says We're gonna take laughspin. Crank laughs last been uh... great great website uh... comedy website i like to think of these comedy websites because number one they actually they they support comedy they started this shit for nothing uh... they built it up from nothing just because they're fans of comedy uh... and laugh spin laugh button cringey humor i love those guys those guys are great crazy

now that they're okay but that that that that that they're going to uh... of them. Well, they're okay. But they're not going to fall. Ah, no. But they're actually open up a comedy club soon. And, all right. That's the, yeah. And a great location too. What a great name too, right? Yeah. I like it. What's the name? The stand. Fucking what a name.

And it's, you know what it is? It's in a part of town where there's no other comedy club. And the actual logo, I think is this, this, this the final on the stage. Is it right? Yeah, I'm like these the final which I, yeah. I'm like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the stage Is it right? Yeah, I'm like these Stefano, which I Yeah, I shouldn't yeah, well like he said It's in it's in a part of town with this no other So that come yeah, set up a new your comedy club the first place at the comedy in New York really That was the first professional. That was the first real show Me too. That was the first professional. That was the first real show

Make sure you go to go runner dot com if you want to bend lia Antelia I have a fucking bed lift from go runner are you and then you are Dot com if you want to get one you have one. I Rob you love it don't you use it when I go running it's amazing Oh What about you Joe? I would love to do I'm so you know I'm a joyser that makes me just You want to have break up sex make up make up, make up, make up. What is that, where you dress up?

Where you dress up like a woman? Hi, y'all. Over the, uh, All right, if you're a fat fuck, you need to go to yowserfitness.com right now and get yourself a treadmill. Get yourself a treadmill at yowserfitness.com. Those guys really hooked me up.

I got the Biscayne, it's a foldable treadmill. It goes right away in your house. If you don't have a lot of room and you need, if you're a fat fuck, you need to lose weight. You need to have something in your house. What's wrong? The Biscayne song's like a cookie prep which plays. What are you doing? I'm checking the door. Is it shut? Did you shut it? Yeah.

Was it shut? Yeah. What was wrong? What was, what would you do? I didn't do it. What was wrong? I heard something in the hallway and I wanted to make sure that the door was closed was it closed? It wasn't closed all the way. Yeah, who was the last one in not me, but who's the charge of the door? Me I should have followed whoever was last Trying to fucking strangle at first He yells of fitness dot, you fat fox and get a...

Hey, Neil. All right, yowls of fitness. That is it. We have some great news coming out. Today at the end of the podcast, I think I'll be open now. I believe if I don't, then I'll do it next week but I believe today we're gonna be able to announce it and We got some really cool sponsors coming out

Really? So we're trying to get some sponsors so Yeah, he has no idea Because Dan is used the word unbelievable four times in this second. Yeah, well, because I hope you have a thosaurus that will sponsor us Because you want a different word I can drop the brown Wait, what is that put it does not work on me? is it? Any, that's our sponsors for a trick play-away pressure. We might have some sponsors coming up for the show that's gonna be

very exciting for us. Yeah. If you like video games? Uh, no, I don't bother you. Alright, you, for you. Wow. I fucking love video. I think, um, because Dan was talking about that he's gonna play Max Paynes and I was gonna play it to die. Oh really? Next you play it listen You play it today and I want to review we're doing tech talk about it next week Okay, but Bobby you know it would be really fun. We're getting las low from fucking rock star on the show All right, let me just tell you this right now. No tell me right now. I've played wait a minute

I want to let you go ahead do it. I let you I have played a little bit of it and so far Stop it. I do not let you anymore Unlet you why is Joe holding his mouth? Camera's gone. I have real bad teeth and I'm laughing He's like a Japanese girl I just want because I know that Dan's been really looking forward to Max pain. I just want to when he plays it for the first time I want to be there and I want to ruin the experience

That seems a lot more mean I wasn't listening It's stupid notebook practice I can't read Listen to what you say it takes your fucking stupid notebook back that I can't read Why do you caught why is it mean? Cuz you ruined his fun. Yeah, that's not me. Why do you want to be mean? Do you do you know to know the shit out of you? Do you wear G-strings or regular girl? Regular girl bris you wear fucking granny panties? No, they're not granny panties and America. They're granny panties They're like hipster ones. they're like low and you know.

That makes it worse. Oh no, I can't wait to go. What's the other way to you, Ed, Joe? Boxer shorts. Yeah, boxer shorts. How about you, boxer shorts? What's the book you want with wild, okay? Boxer briefs?

I wear briefs sometimes. Boxer briefs, gotta tuck it in. Hold them down. No, you know what's nice? The tight boxer briefs. When guys wear the tight ones. I got those. Yeah, fucking.

They're regular boxer briefs, but they're on me so they're tight What are they calling boxers shorts? I've never seen two moxers one gets knocked it Oh, it's down and his balls are sticking out. Are you working a bit? Joe's like yeah, no, you know, it's really weird is the airport when you go What's up with the TSA? My dog loves chips. It comes up and goes, Bob, I want a chip. Where are you from?

And of course Kelly just bombed on her first rip. I'm trying so bad. Salonius, where the fuck do you come from? Thank you. Good question. Jersey and Virginia, we had born Josie grew up in Virginia. Started my comedy in Virginia. Now what what nationality? What are you? What's your background?

I don't know. We know you're black. But what else? What else you got? You got the American Indian in you? I'm all black people though. We say that's why I have this good hair. For that is not true. For the high spirit of speak. So there is a difference between the red man and the black.

Turn your fucking phone off. It's for the timer. Turn it, what's that on your phone? That was the text message. That was the text message. And you know what it said. Kelly, you can hear that on the fucking, what it's saying. It said, when am I gonna get that sweet pizza?

What the fuck, who's getting your pussy? Who's getting your pussy? Ralphie May is getting your pussy? Who's getting your pussy? Ralphie Mays getting your pussy? That is cool. It wasn't sweet. It's a big pussy. First of all, he's on a big pussy.

He's on another network, which we won't mention. Okay. Who is? I would never cheat on you with another network, Bobby. You're never giving your pussy. Never, I would never do that to you. You're the other fat guy or another network. You know I'm loyal.

I would never do that. That's it. Get in the bathroom. Peeing the bathtub. Let's watch big somewhere. I bet her piece was like veg amite Have you Get some P. I thought you were starting with a piss would you let it would you let her be on you? You know what are you kidding me if I had a If I smushed the tits together he would turn let me pay on him really yeah If I smushed the tits together he would turn let me pay on him really yeah

About the smushed it really so if you smushed if she smushed it Where where she paying on me like on my leg on your chest while you're in the tub You're laying down on the top Yeah, the jelly for stay key to do scrawling You want a pencil my chest if it was drunk or bored enough You want some bloody your fucking piss on my fucking chest I can't even have a baby cuz our asshole is so fucking bloody fucking bloody asshole I'm gonna bury the cock roaches there you go nailed it Wow that was Joe wins everybody That was Joe was an alpichino reprising his role

That was Joe List everybody. That was Joe List. That was an Al Pacino reprising his role at last. What an idiot. What an idiot. That was so mean, Kelly. The sexual tension between Lists and Fistuke and Austin. It's almost ridiculous. What?

I know his girlfriend. She's adorable. I would never fucking do that. I don't want to get in on my bed. I would only piss on Dino's service. Shit. That's what he's wearing. What piece the guy on his just didn't know I would

You're in pet of what you just said you're in petable. Did you just try to use the Mike Tyson defense against I'm a little bit My penis my pussy's in penalty go to comedians My darling Tyson's doing tight I'm doing tight for you. That's I'll eat the kids You never live too well two minutes in my world you faggot. I'm not you in the Bolivian That's a good one I love Lennox Lewis and never met anything he said I Then when anybody to the fight my face I get my kids

You know You do it I can't try try it's okay I can do I can do it the Jetsons try to do it the Jetson version of tights for those teeth you should be able to do a Tyson's present this is a I can only make fun of Joe's teeth. I can't. All right, you don't fuck with those crustaceans. You leave those, you leave barnacle teeth to me. Physical teeth.

They're not that bad. No, they're not that bad. It's one bad one. You look like a homedie. Snuggles teeth, I love it. Remember parts of the Cabaret Caribbean, the third one third one. Yeah, the second one with all the guys With the octopus face. Yeah, and then there was the other guy and then what's his name's father with the she sells on his face? Those bits already

That literally One of my jokes. Hey Baby girl pop the Jerry yeah yeah she's a black dick she's a dams she's black apparently recently monk she just one

it doesn't matter because I'm still a comedian I'm gonna take you I'm a pussy as the impenetrable I'm gonna take you inside and I'm gonna have sex with you Kelly for storkin Would you fuck Tyson? I know I'm gonna fuck Tyson I'm gonna fuck Tyson

Just to be in fucking hangover 3 I don't think we're Tyson, I'll have a choice Cause you might... The rape joke Yeah, just say it all bad What the fuck is the rape joke? You bailed on that one when you're great at the... It's the rape joke. Kelly looks pretty today.

She looks great. You look pretty Kelly. Thanks guys. Look at that's what girl comics get. You're pretty. Yeah. You know, you know, it's like a piece of trash. You do look shitty a lot. I'm more comfortable and shitty. Yeah, I know we all are, but I you're pretty girl.

You showed up at the cell. The night you look gorgeous. You look pretty today. You should dress up a little bit. I mean look. I'm not saying all the time But it's just when you're doing shows look nice when you show up in a danna Kelly. I'm talking to you Joe Sicking you wear a barracuda jacket like it's happy days So anyways, all right, so we talked about Kelly and the other day, I, and how pretty you look

and what your box looks like. I wanted to get back to you, Philoneus. I'm trying to, I'm trying to stay on track. It's very hard to stay on track with you guys because you guys take the show on many different directions. It's like jazz, baby. It's jazz.

It's where you going? I'm taking a break. No, you don't get to take breaks you don't get to take breaks I'm just took a break you fucking fuck Why are you taking a break? No The Boston guy literally we're talking the black guy for me. All right. I'm out of here. Okay, fuck this dude Fuck this I'm out you talking to the Negro I'm not gonna'm talking to him Yeah, dude fucking Celtics lost cuz of these guys

Listen Joe did Joe it well, man. Hey man. We can overcome brother What happened white guilt as a mother fuck right? I have zero. Yeah, also cuz Philoneas looks like he's in an Islam group in prison with that fucking beard Yeah, what's up? What's are you are you? Are you into Muslim? I'm drinking a beer the only thing I'm not doing is eating what's your religion? What's your religion? I don't have one you don't have it and where you're from Virginia?

Yeah, let's go. Is that why you have a devilance beard? No, you know what happened? Nothing on the Hatfields and McCoy reference nothing. I didn't watch it. Fuck heard it's a man I give a devilance fucking reference Fucking did a devilance I like that. Listen No, I grew it out and pissed my mom off. I like it and I kept going with who's a basketball player that has the same beard Jim James Harden fucking great. I get that every day. Tell what, if I can grow a beard like that, I would. But mine doesn't connect. I have little patches.

So does. It's supposedly intimidating. Nobody's scared of a fucking 150 pound black guy. I have a beard. It's called dawn, my wife. I would laugh at you. Don't I know that, honey? I want to wear super good clothes.

I would love to see you guys. You never grow beards. And I'd love to say it. I'd love to have a little beat off. Really? You grow on us. Body can grow beard. Body can grow beard. My beard. First first of all my facial here is all gray

Oh Really great. I got the great. Yeah, but you get the black too You know, it's a lot so you're like a lot of great. Yeah, I got all gray. I went gray. I got that Irish gray I was great like I'm starting to get this right that I'm starting to get it right here Me and Keith me and keep that to do the medicine We talk about the you know the medicine you put the fucking watch the granny. Oh, did you talk about hair club for men? Yeah, no medicine the Greece in formula. Yeah, you go in you get to get the medicine at the CVS So the Dwayne read

The great here the weatherman great here like when you said the weatherman on the news just to us to Stinglish you're gonna need a medicine suit You know the tone and now the medicine they got the good one with the stick We can just comb it through a little bit when I had it with you when I had to use the hair dye You had to mix it like a chemist in a hotel bathroom We're gloves and then you couldn't see it right? It's killed a procedure until it started mixing and then all of a sudden there's just black dots everywhere You didn't grey pretty early and again, I want to great pretty

Are you being make it so about civil fox come on uncle Jesse? Who would all the way all like my uncle Jesse from the center? All right Oh, sorry I was right though I was a guy about about the polos joke about Dynas hair. What is that he goes? Yeah, it's so fucking how to It's easy to fuck up when you're trying to die here last time I did it came out darker than minut bowls taint follows joke about dinosaur what is that he goes yeah so fucking how to it

season of fuck up when you try to die here last time I did it came out dark of the manoeu bulls taint wow if you leave it in long enough it gets really dark and he's the one who started my business hotel room as an older guy because I'm sitting there with fucking baby wipes oh yeah yeah I give a line that you don't give the pole was a line he's starting to do it a puzzle when he says covered bridge That's why we call you that that's why I call you the doctor Well, you know what he's saying now is that he's he's saying that he gave him a line last week when you wouldn't

I'm gonna take you be myself I've got to do everything on my own cuz I'm a woman I got a brick the glycine Anyways, so my monk you're a stand-up comedian. How long have you been doing comedy couple of years? Really just don't Dominican little league us how long have you really been doing yeah? I only been pitching for three years. I'm gonna throw a 96 slider I don't think that's a fucking real thing comics, dude, it's annoying 19 and

I've been doing I've been doing comics six months. No, you have another fucking you have a Reagan reference. He sees Cha Parley right here Length that you waste. Oh look at Kelly fill fill you break up with your girlfriend You got some fucking Aussie snatch Phil Sit down at her mic right there sit down with her mic. I can tell he sit down at his let me tell you something About a lot of people don't know about Phil Phil and I started at the same time open mics and Tucson Arizona Really 2004 Phil you you serious about your girl?

Here's the thing Last week we had a pregnancy scare like literally all right. That's funny that he calls it a scare I'm trying to have one it would be a gift. He calls it a scare I can't get my fucking chick my dead sperm care going to it it a scare. I'm trying to have one it would be a gift. He calls it a scare. I can't get my fucking chick My dead sperm care going to it's a scare. Hey, how about you fucking let me some of that fucking Spanish Yeah, it's that fucking Latin America. You know what though if you were Bobby Kelly making a love dear wife Then it would happen if you were

I want to kiss your face. And touch you in places. I want to make a, your clip, pu- I want to, whoa. She's like, what the fuck? That's fucking weirdo. That's probably what's happening right there. That's not passionate at all. That's what's happening right there. That's what's happening right there.

That's what's happening right there. That's what's happening right there. That's what's happening right there. That's what's happening right there. That's what's happening right there. That's what's happening right there. That's what's happening right there. That's what's happening right there.

That's what's happening right there. That's what's happening right there. That's what's happening right there. That's what's happening right there. That's what's happening right there. I want to put you down on silk sheet and fucking make you a clip-per-par I'm gonna fucking beat that pussy up Maybe it was a Boston thing cuz I was like this Yeah Yeah I get it doesn't, or if you need some fucking international side piece, do you think Kelly's pretty? I think she's looking at me. Look at me. I think she's very pretty. But dad, you're embarrassing me. I haven't really made my mind about the accent though. I don't know if that would be like, I'm with you dude. It's very honest. It's fucking annoying annoying But sometimes it's really cute though sometimes the egg is the one

But how about this ready ready the alignment bed you just blew you'd not your exhausted you tired it's late at night Any woman's for it's no you hear I'm you and dance Kelly ready. Oh I gotta work it fucking six. Do you want do you want anything to eat? I'm alright. I'm okay. Do you want a guy again? No, I'm good. I'm alright. I'm okay. I'm good I'm good. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I gotta go to bed. I'm gonna watch me do a sexy dance. Oh god Damn it. I gotta go Fuck I don't I like movies. Yeah, but I can't speak cuz I can think about it. It's what all you would have if you want to Let's do

Maybe we may or be so to as Kelly Being that that was actually Kelly you fucking ass holes I'm gonna be how many years you on this my third how many you on I don't know 17 I can't be with the implementation being at just 17 you know how many fucking be you if you ever answer me without Not that answer ever again. You're an ass. I don't know 17 and he tell me ask you how many beers you're on I want I don't know I love drunk Yeah, I'm not he's not

He's not the thing we're talking about on the walkover this clock so I can get drunk You got to understand the thing about Joe and I when the Boston became the comedy village We talked about this on the podcast. Yeah, Joe and I we made it get Fucking drunk. Yeah, like in it took what you said we we'd polish off maybe more than a half a bottle of whiskey at about seven beers each. I have that thing where it's embarrassed. You know that like that thing was embarrassing how much you can drink. Yeah, it's not exciting. You're like it tolerance is up there. I had a half a bottle of yager and the conversation with you last Thursday. You don't remember the conversation that we had. Yeah, but because I wanted you about it and you were like, yeah, but like you showed up that night we went to this some crazy thing on the lower side

I don't I wish I knew the name cuz I would like plug it. There's a thing they lock you in this like phone booth You pay like 30 bucks and it's a full but all these vodka's is like 40 different kinds of vodka's They give you a shot glass made out of ice and you get two minutes and you can just pour as many and drink as much as you can Which is also the greatest place for a first date Pepper sounds like the door and get some vodka We're gonna be friends after these two minutes go Like a frozen room. They put these big heavy Russian coach on you with coats. Shoot out like a helmet. That sounds like a Helmet yeah, they dress you like a soldier

How do they get how they get first our first date there? We can go I'll tell you this how do they how do they get a helmet the big coat that fit you Nice, oh the helmet the coat is the soldier me. It was a soldier. Oh, it's too big for me Yeah, alright wow Well, we're back Okay, the best way to the fuck up someone's joke The best ways to do this what you say and make a shame I gotta go guys get the clap off. Oh, yeah, yeah, whoa

Fuck you you shit that You want to kiss your face, but I've never been able to say it without alcohol I I am so jealous you're fucking hairline I take it easy Phil thanks for the photos. I feel takes the great photos and videos Very funny comedian on Twitter Phil's also provincio. Yes, I'd feel provincio and follow Kelly out the door. She follows Phil Dude she wants that I feel she will look at I mean she is literally she's trying to fucking score

She's never never scored it anymore. You can get it. Can't see her can't see her Yeah, blame it on the rain if you got a blame it on something but Blame it on the rain Blame it on the rain on something but way yeah way yeah way way way

way way way way way way way way way way way way man, you know I'd never, your mics always on in my heart, dude. Oh, that was really sweet. That was safe. That's something you said. Yeah, what?

Shut up. Can we be honest? Whoa. You had to stop. You understand how many jokes went through me and Joe. Yeah. And Valonia's head, when you, can I be honest? No, I used to.

This is so, I want to eat your ass all. Callie. No, I like pennies. Callie. What, I like pennies Listen together to scale the one at scale the one How bad do you want a fuck feel? Listen look at me look it look at body look at Bobby look at Bobby look at me look at me Kelly look at me look at me

Honest to God. I want you to be we're on the the reason why this show is a success at all is because nobody on here is Fucking playing a game or gives a fuck. We're all honest and we let out the deepest darkest horse shit that we probably wouldn't shouldn't do I want you to be honest with us. Do you want Phil sexually? No bullshit bullshit bullshit No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I Got a mega about himself. That's what a sexy guy He's beautiful. He's good looking and he's beautiful, but doesn't I want to fucking what what wait? That's the part that confuses me. He's good looking and he's beautiful What what about him is unfocable if he's good because as men this is where we're confused I have to get I have to get really specific about that. I want to ask you question in this room really specific about that. I want to ask you a question. In this room, who would you do first?

If you don't say me, you're off the show. Answer it. Listen, here we go. Philone, you know what, this is this show. I know that we're supposed to fucking you the guest, but you just hang. What is that for? Fuck where you from?

Fuck all you want to actually get. Fuck that you've been doing comedy 10 years. I love you. You know what I love is that there's fucking one person in their cubicle right now like but We almost had answers when it where the fuck is he from where are they star? Bobby We go through the dites. Yes. We will go through the dates Yes, there are people that have want to know about felonious monk where he's from what his thoughts are

Yeah, you know what you hear people to call my mom Yeah, we just fucking hang dude people who sit here you just hang yeah, we're very unfocused all right here We go the first guy. Oh my god. We're gonna go over Kelly's dates. Oh shit. I didn't even know what you meant I thought she was trying to plug your fucking Road dates. This is not a more fun real People know out there. I don't know why I'm studying but people know out there is that oh wait wait wait Always makes me a copy. Yeah, I'll take over Cut now here's the thing though Bobby and I were talking about it and I really want to do this

Whatever date we send you out on we don't want you murdered so Bobby and I are gonna come with you I appreciate that but we're gonna sit at another table. I wouldn't mind if she got murdered Well, I'm gonna get a fodder for one episode Yeah, but then it would be really kind of a bummer because someone have to ring my mom Because I know I go back to everyone should on me First of all, we have a cool lane of a stick on guy. Yeah, we don't know where she is We don't call her ringing. We call it calling. We call your mom not ringing him Thank you for ringing me. You know what's even you know what's even sexy in that though

What they come to your house? What do you call that? When people come to my house when they come to your house knock on the door. Yeah, what did they call that? knocking knock you up What they don't say that? They said it. Ah you watch too many shitty movies When they come to the door yeah, what did they call that knocking knock you up? They don't say that You watch too many shitty movies for many Sticks you know it really pisses me off. That's what it's called and she just sold me out You fuck is that really what it's called I call it knocking at the door. No, what he's ever called it knocking you up No, what he's ever called it knocking you up Oh, when you get perrex

Alone is sticks again, it's the stick again I'm gonna fucking keep doing that and tell somebody says yes Knock him up, don't ring him up, Bill Listen, all right, the first guy, let's get it, we're gonna get it in the case All right, real quick body, for these days Yes Are you myself and joe list? Yeah, can we go to the date? We're going on the date.

Yeah, I need a drink. A body. Bobby doesn't drink. He's been sober. When was I born? I think so. So much. So much. And it's not 1900. I think I can't wait to go bald. I'm gonna go bald. You are. I put a gypsy curse on you now. No, take it off. Take it off. I remember what you saw me. Zeeb Zabba Zeeb Zabba. I I don't know don't you wish that we even owe me Bobby Put that evil on me Bobby Ricky Bobby Ricky Bob. Don't you put that evil? Um here we go. We I think you and Joe should go on the date and videotape it

Oh, we bring Phil to videotape or gay Joe or somebody to videotape the date Okay, but we I kind of want to do a mystery science three or three thousand. We're gonna sit there. Then we're gonna do that We're gonna do that. We're gonna make sure she doesn't get killed. Yeah, we're gonna vet these people Kelly chopped up Here's the problem. Here's the here's the situation people out there listening YKWD podcast Kelly needs a man She's a very pretty girl. She's gorgeous. She's a pretty girl. I'm a man, but I will have one. Yeah, exactly Hey, hey, hey, don't do a pretty girl. I love being a man, but I will have one. Yeah, exactly. Okay. You're a couple. Hey, hey, hey, don't do the hand thing. I know what that shit means. Y'all might not know that's soul stealing shit right there.

Oh, really? This shit. Don't fucking give me your, I don't like when people grab at the air. Listen, take my soul out. Let me tell you something. Don't you, don't you, don't you, don't you, don't like your Zambian cuss. Oh, you think? Don't you like it? I love you. I love the dango mad at mug because don't tell me just cuz you're black In the market on black people

You guys have cornered the market on Boston. I got the fucking black thing I'm from Denver No one else Aurora Colorado colorado's great Well, it's not from a roach You got another bathroom Yeah, go ahead go pee okay, yeah, we're talking about your dates. You talk about dates, I pee.

Listen, listen, listen. I think like, if I'm in the same place, I can be at a table somewhere else. And then you, like, those douchebags can be sitting somewhere else. Hey! I'm sitting with me. I don't want you to shit it anywhere.

I'm gonna sit at the same table. I'm gonna sit across. Yeah, go this way, it's easier. No, I'm not. I can't. I'm just scratching ass. I'm gonna be fucking'm not. That's what I'm going to be. Bobby's such a good.

That's what I pay in the big box. Yeah, this guy. Killing it. All right, here's number one. Listen, Kelly, listen. I want to explain what is going on now. First off, we're trying to get Kelly a date. We put that out there. If you want,

there's still time. If we're going, if you want the still time, if we're going to let this hang for a little bit, we got a few guys, we're going to let this hang. If you want to go on a date with Kelly, you have to email me, me and Dan, you have to put in your name, where you're from, all your info, your likes, your dislikes your clock size don't fucking lie. Yeah put a photo. We want a photo Don't do it to be a dick because we really even for the other fans Yeah, they don't want to go on a date and can't go on a date with Kelly This is for you guys. It's gonna be fun and if you go on a date and it works out You're gonna get a prize package from the show. You're gonna get you're gonna get a t-shirt a like a like it's gonna be me

You're gonna maybe a goddamn gator fight t-shirt. We're gonna get you're gonna get a t-shirt. Oh, like, uh, like it's gonna be me. You're gonna. Maybe a goddamn Gator fight t-shirt. We're gonna get you a t-shirt. You're gonna get a goddamn t-shirt. You're gonna get it off and move. Maybe get a, uh, but, uh, CBD. CBD. I don't know what's a CBD. CBD. I got my CBDs on sale. I'm too., I was clapping in the muck. Now let's go through the list. All right, we're gonna go through the list. First guy is, this guy's big.

His name's Quell. Well, I mean, I think we know. Yeah. Nice Irish boy. Yeah. His name's Quell KWEL. That's Quell. Yeah. Pat. Slave name. His name is a quell K W E L L. That's quell. Yeah, patten

slave name Last name away It's a fuck you're gonna do Google quell patent. Hey man. I got a record. Yeah, she looks a nice guy All right, he's a big motherfucker. What's that? Quell patent is a big man motherfucker What is it? What's that? Quell Patent is a big motherfucker. What does he do? This is my first pick. I like the first round.

I like this guy. There's a couple. One of my top two. Because you know who else, the emailed me telling me that emailed is maybe, I think what are your picks, Dan? Remember when we skyped a long time ago and the guy that did the paintings,

they had the mustache I like him he emailed he emailed me so he might be one of your picks you do you really do I like him all right go back to Quail is she she done this really is like this really is like an arranged marriage right now. Fellas. Fellas, good afternoon. I'm an IT manager from Cincinnati, Ohio. Look at that. What are you looking at? What are you looking at?

What? You know that he's looking fucking your shit Australian town? Oh god. Fuck your mic yourself, motherfucker. You get permanent residency here if you just fucking knocked out. I'm 34. I'm six foot four. Uh huh, now we're talking. She's a nine inch cock. What? I'm 34 I'm a six foot four

Nine inch cock what it's also thick Yeah, he wrote that we think I wrote it we think I'm a gay fucking novelist Hey Danielle steel keep going with the profile We asked for cook signs that's a joke Here's what gets me though nine inches and he felt the need to go and it's thick Oh, it's the word out fucking I don't know how do you say I mean half I'm how do you do it? I am I don't know I was just interested to see if Kelly's like secretly a size queen I am she immediately went no fuck that it'll bring me in half. Yeah, I want to make I want that sound when it pops out of my mouth

So he's got a enormous I'm a nice guy Yeah, she looks like a shut up. He looks like a nice guy Looking for a wonderful woman who's funny and to enjoy life with You're all of some assholes that are music Create order out of chaos It's crazy for rhythms imposes You need glasses probably you need to not I don't know what the fucking And an in the

Yeah, I don't and that's right You want to win my glasses? You just read this how about that? Hey read that I might need glasses. I don't know read this Kelly Read that turn it use some strength you fucking What are you doing god damn it come over here on my shoulder just come over next Jesus just hey Kelly switch places with me I'll read it put them on my shoulder Come on, I got read that read that hey, Kelly, switch pieces with me, I'll read it. Put them on my shoulder. Come on. Go ahead, read that.

Read that, right there. Read that. Read that. Hang on, read in the microphone. Okay. Music creates order out of cable. Why would you read it not in the microphone? I'm trying to record this.

Music creates order out of chaos for rhythm, imposes, and aminity upon the, oh, these are big words here. Divergent, melody, imposes, continuity continuity upon the disjointed and how many imposes compatibility upon the In courageous He's out he's out. He's out. I'm sorry. Well. I'm sorry, buddy I see the too smart of trying too hard to sell now that's but there here first of all that's not what he wrote He that's in his that's in his

Email first of all that's a problem what he wrote. That's in his... That's in his email. First of all, that's a problem right there. That's in his... He's black, what are you fucking doing? I'm black. I don't have a fucking trailer at the end of my fucking... No. No signatures. So what's in the email?

His email, the email you just said, I'm an IT guy, six or four from Cincinnati. I got a big dick fucking thunder stick. Thunder stick and then that's his little quote. And then that's it. Yeah. I think, I, I, I understand, look, he's a wordy, he is a little quote. And that's it. Yeah. Yeah. I think I think I'm going to boom stick. I understand. Look, he's a wordy, he's a little game of thrones,

motherfucker. He unity of the put everything must come before the mountains and nothing after the we are. All right. All right. Here we go. We're going to go to this guy here. Now this guy's been hanging out the seller. Oh, I got a space shot. Is it the fact that a headshot? Is it the lawyer from Long Island? He's got a head shot. He's got a head shot. This guy's got a bio You know what he's got I like this guy. I like his resume Because he really fucking took this out. I like him, but as I said today Bulldog face can't wait a second. He's he's actually been in a lot of stuff. What's he been in he's been in? the film for a lucky number. Love over romance.

Love is about love. Nothing more. How do you know you love me? He's been a lot of movies about love. He has a dude. He's a chick flicks. Is he better than extra? Yeah. Yeah. He's a lot of love. This is the guy. I wouldn't say his name. This is the guy that emails me. I'm going to say his fucking name. I'm about to say his name. Say his name. That's his name is Evan. Yeah. He amels me a lot. And it's freaking me out. Evan, you're adorable, but stop emailing me.

Fuck size. What do you say? Ideas for first date with that. You just skipped over. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go to coxize. I know.

Oh boy. Ideas for first. As I know, as I know have new, as I now know, he wrote no, as I now know, he wrote no. As I now know, have a new job, apparently spelling it. Where do you spell the NO? He's spelled the KNO. No, instead of now.

That's not a word either way. Pretty much. Now is a word, KNO. KNOW. KNOW. Oh, W. He's spelled the KNOW. W, I'm sorry.

I'm a fucking moron. Okay, he wrote instead of now, he wrote no. Okay, whatever. I'm gonna skip all this. but they know what w he spelled the cano w i'm sorry i'm a fucking more okay i he wrote instead of now we wrote no uh... okay whatever i'm gonna skip all this three very uh... uh... uh... maruola three basic uh... and simple date ideas that uh... allows kelly and i to talk and get to know each other better number one dinner and drinks at nobu and try back up

followed by followed by Follow by rock back fucking gold digger. So it's not the fuck is while it's a dick for a falafel Yeah, seriously, you know I got to go to nobu taking a fucking Joe's pizza and get her a pepperoni sauce I would never let a guy take me to nobu because I knew it wasn't gonna save him afterwards up Feel bad taking the freemium. I love just Joe list. It's just He's just a fucking drunk uncle in the just eating with Brussels the Brussels trick-a-boo I've got a goddamn professional I move the microwave from the two

Joe you want to eat some chicken chips like a chicken chips from Australia they're awesome you know I've been Oh stop what you chicken chipped No nobody's eating fucking chicken chips I'm hungry Nobody you need after the show I'm hungry That was nice I like that

Wow Alright Evan keep it going because Evan was nice, I like that. All right, Evan, keep it going. Because Evan, you know what I like about Evan? We've got him forever and everybody, keep it going forever. Yeah. He's got tenacity. All right, here we can tenacity, it's called stalker.

Yeah, whatever. All right, here we go. Probably we're gonna take a walk by Battery Park because the view, Well, we're following you because I don't want you chopping your battery battery apart. Because the view in it

is not romantic with my fake wallets. because the view of the water is really nice. And we're going to body's going to wind up. Yeah, because I could toss or simply in three easy chunks. Here's number two date. Dinner blockheads in Midtown followed by a walk around making fun of the tourists. Okay, first off, first off, that's date number two option. Is he talking about blockheads on second avenue in

51st Street no where I used to get midtown midtown that's midtown it's been town east okay I used to get severely drunk there on my break at my other job I'd go from one Mexican restaurant to another and just get fucking well didn't he had drunk and you have a really really kind of you want to do this you know what pick of it I want her chopped up Well, she did have a point where you're fucking hey, I used to get drunk Give the shit You're relating to blockheads. I used to go there and get fucked up once in a while Now what

Well, well, well, well, well, there's a lot of this. It's gonna make me think. Let me tell you something. This show is an angry show. It's an angry show. Number three, this is date option. Number three, a tour of mama. All right. Where we will look at stuff that people call art,

and I can't figure out why, because it's just an down You're an old was that an attempt at comedy followed by dinner First off, first off, Momas great. We got a lot of Andy Warhol pieces. They've got some Jackson Paul Fuck you don't what was his early pieces if you know There was the Campbell soup cans now that was later that was later. What's is there? What's his early on even him? That's Norman Bailey pictures? Campbell soup that's Campbell suit. No, it's not that's actually no rock well What did rock well do we didn't do any kind of? Don't try to this don't don't try to get serious now

The family Right now Well And the normal rock well did the family the perfect family hang now hang now back to the day Let's go. I think this guy is probably a nice wonderful guy because he's a fan of the show. Yeah, hello You're gonna be down to 29,999 followers or whatever All right, here we go. So Evan now a coxize. I'm so hang on coxize. I've been I've been thinking about your cock what I've been told by girls. It's big. I personally think it's nothing to write home about Already writing home about your dick self-deprecating Mom, I'm talking to actually mom. I did that for a while I love you. I miss you by the way my dick is nine and a half inches Mom I love you. I miss you by the way my dick is nine and a half inches

Yeah, so anyways, it's it's about as wide as an iPhone Jesus that's not what he's lying. It's a joke Because it's not what you can't have a dick. You can't have a dick as wise an iPhone Yeah, it's not it's about as wide as an iPhone Probably about six or seven inches in length answer conference Yeah, he's making not to hear bad dick sizes at this point There's a whole thing. I don't know you want to read this? I would like to thank Kelly because I think she's really cool That is totally honest hilarious and add it., so you don't want to hear it.

So do you want to go out with Evan? Now they sent his picture. He's 27, born in a blah, blah, blah. There's a long island. He has two roommates called Mom and Dad. Oh boy. It's a fun joke. It's a fun, it's a fun, it's a fun joke.

I think it's gonna joke, guys. He's moving out in the winter. Yeah. What is he, a colonial? A calmness winter. I shall forthrusting and build my own compound. That's what he's to do back in the day. Once the fall sets, I will look for land to construct my cabin.

What is that, Moosa? Hopefully the land will still be soft enough to build a base. We will live off the land. He makes me think of that mark Vicki. I enjoy queries like you know I still live in stopkissin his ass My parents why don't we see my own entrance? Oh, she dates Mike back. Yo Jen so we're gonna move to the next guy, okay, I like this guy too That night I don't know if he hasn't written me That came into the cell at night. Let's go. I don't know if he hasn't written me So let's go in positive this is gonna come into the cellar

Who the sky's name is Robert you guys Yeah, yeah, I'm Robert, you know, sky's name is Robert Robert. Oh, I'll call him What's up my name Robert I'm 25 years. I'm from Brooklyn and fully aware that there is nothing I can write in this email that will not make me come off as a complete tool or date. I like this guy. I like this guy so much. Can I decide one thing? I am still?

No. I am still. Don't ask. And I said no. I am still. We are picking your marriage. You are not about what you want. I can get away with that.

I'm not. it in the void How do you get away with that damn? Because I nail it I'm like you're fucking dumb German accent I hate my whole German accent I wanted it with boys to be an accent you sons of bitches Well I am picking your, you're picking your husband And you'll not tell me if you want to have a husband Get away with that how is no one not running in going on

They are writing shit. I am a Dark blind that no one gives him shit for voices everyone gives me shit You're not clap like that over here cuz you're underneath your arms scare me I almost I literally almost just threw up dude someone Fuck what's his name? Hello one of some one of our fans on Twitter had bingo arms. Yeah, that's what they called us. Derrick, Derrick, oh. And it's really the code for debaters, or bingo arms.

What? Wait, call what? The code for debaters, or bingo arms. Derrick is a big fan of the show. Derrick called it a big, who's a big fan of the show? I love it guy number three. I'm here from guy number three. Yeah, keep holding on guy number three.

I like self-deprecating and his for debaters. I reckon he's already contacted me. I like this guy. He's got a shaved head. This guy has comes in Brooklyn and he goes, you shut the fuck up. Thank you. Really? You know what you are? You fucking bugging me. This is bullshit. I'm reading this now. You just, why don't we not do it? Why ain't you just do your own? Why don't you go to Craigslist? Yeah, why don't you just go do your thing? Go to J date. Huh? J date what she's not one of the chosen. Oh, okay She was Jewish you'd have jokes I'm sorry

We should put all the names in a bucket pull them out one at a time and give them each two minutes. I got my PA I got I live it I live in Benz and Ferris one roommates with his parents, but I grew up in Park Slope I know you're probably amazed and blown away by this parents, but I grew up in Park Slope. I know you're probably amazed and blown away by this information, but I really do not know what to write here. I got my BA in Business and Finance, which is cool. He works, he has his own

wise potato chip route in Brooklyn. That's great. You know what that means? It means he supplies wise potato chips and you know we get Kelly loves chips what are we doing right now who chips this you have fucking old streets can't you read what's this guys listen when they say Robert but here's a deal We will get free chips from the fucking show Kelly take one put it to you. I'm just gonna say this right now We give yeah self deprecation yep well educated yep honest. Yep about that. He's not gonna get to the fucking chips get to the chips

Ships free wise for 10 chips for by the way, I know two people that grew up in Park Slope One of them is one of my favorite people the other one is Janus One of them is one of my favorite people and the other one is Janus. I You know what I'm gonna say this is if I'm looking at the draft board right now now I'm taking him with my first back white guy. I'm a white guy White guy and he's a little chunky which I like yeah, it means it's got personality It's a little chunky. Kelly used to be chunky. Yeah Kelly had that work out for you So let me ask you for honest black guy. Oh this guy. I like Now the Black guy, the Black guy actually is working too hard and that's

not me taking a shit. He's working too hard. I like this guy. Monk, you know what it is for me? It's that the Black guy ended his email with like, homony is for this and that's how I just stop fucking. I fucked them because he, that's just in his email. Yeah, but that shouldn't be in his email. That's the problem. The problem is when you have signature bonds in your email dude, you're not you're taking yourself to seriously But here the thing it wasn't kill babies and hate love the devil it was actually pretty who would put that in a fucking I am interested in your position at enterprise kill babies and love the devil. I guarantee you'd like him better if that's what he had Fuck yeah

Kelly I leave a few bucks in the fridge here for what it's getting a little silly? Well, how many beers is it? I don't know. I'm not many. At this one. What do you want? Beer. I'm on beer. I get the, I'm not getting this. I'm supposed to look at you. I'm out of food. I know I'm not 17. That's the answer. That's the answer. That's the answer. Okay. I just a boring uptight and self-dislikes just boring uptight and self-cented women. I like women who can stop Kelly. I like women who can stop Kelly I like women who can take a can joke around and is willing to make fun of herself and

and To make me laugh and is also willing to call me out on my shit and make fun of me. How are you not? Who is this? How are you not fucking him now? What are we waiting for? Kelly you're the daughter of the you you know what, good but good. I'm missing my leg in one hand because of the voting accident. That, no, I'm kidding. Keep some on us. Kelly, your father and I did not know each other.

Here's the date. Now we learn to love each other. Oh, now we are together for 37 years. And we have two children, both doctors doctors okay, here's the date ready I knew this appointment was great here's the date ready I would wrap it all shut the fuck up monk I would just just keep it simple

dinner drinks at a nice restaurant so we can over uh converse and get uh know each other as you can tell but my picture it's probably my strength when I comes to women It's not like I'm eye candy. I self-deprecating and then probably hit up another place for dessert or coffee Depending on how the night goes. So he's not even he's saying like maybe we won't go somewhere if it's not going good I'm a we will just go with

Cock size ready how big do you think it's gonna be I'm gonna go six and a half how are you gonna go? I'm right there with it is average guy what is it got make it six and a half I'm saying seven his cox eyes seven ah you fucking cost you say seven you're looking at the fucking page how he seven seven seven good that was the joke he I'm 27 seven inches is about he said but here's the same seven is right here he wrote it here. He goes seven inches or half a koala bear arm. That's what he wrote No Robert O's personality is awesome

For the mall didn't public school systems Robert's reading level over there. I can't I can't I am retarded I will give you that but I I really can't it's so far away. I need to make the text bigger But I can't I can't bring the mic Who's next what do you do? I'm all that I want them all know I nailed it. Yeah, you're absolutely right. All right. I love you the most of everyone in here to be honest me You love me He has a tells me wait till we get on the train together. It's gonna be I love you more than

Right, right. Yes, I am 31 I am 31 and I have a good job as a designer and an engineer looks good, right? Shitty thing is I live in Texas. Oh with the what the fuck he's on the floor He sent me some really cool photos of him canoeing a lot of really cool. Yeah him playing The war's I like this guy because he's from an out of town He's from an out of town. I also have he has three kids, too He has the cut. He has custody of the three kids to

Oh, man, ready mate. I like him though. He can use I don't know He looks like me. Is he gonna come visit me like what the fuck He's got three kids. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey Tell him There we go. What happened today? I want a Boston garage door doors. I own Boston garage doors I will take Kelly to Tony and and Charlestown my favorite place in Boston one of my favorite places to eat If you're in Boston, you don't need to fucking Tony and and Charlestown. You're a fucking more on They got a shrimp scampy pizza the guy for the same Texas guy. There's a different guy

We guys this guy's Jay Scott Moses is his name He's from Charlestown to start the date off with appetizers then we go north and for a sit-down meal If she's into the date to sissy case with some beers and shots then take someone someone's car parked out front Hope she don't mind waiting on the curb while I cracked the tilt for a ride back to You went straight to Boston for this I love this is beauty is like you know what stand up at sissy kidchisms on root one chisels root one is that shitty motel i don't know chisels

yeah i used to take chisels like twenty five dollars to get you dicks out for an hour uh... uh... on root one hopefully bang her brains out with my five inch pipe thanks for reading and i I hope I win Scott. Hey Scott, when it's five inches, you don't call it a pipe. It's your five inch, not a pipe. It's your five inch ink pen. You got to know. What's the point? Huh? Well, we're reading all we're giving everybody a shot. I think his point was being funny. What? We're giving off. What do you not read? There's only two people that want to go to date with you from this town

All right, there's six people in total Kelly Kelly all right. It's not like you get the fucking there's a million Emails to go through right now. I have to read it Kelly really is putting her pussy on a pedestal this last This last guy Scott just wanted to rape Kelly in a motel. What do you say? Yes? No, it was the rape Kelly in a cold Motel. That's pretty much what he said he had a five-inch cock But he was gonna take it over my favorite place in Charlestown to eat. See town? Not again. Charlestown.

Swing it. Oh, fucking dude. Bannerflex came here, man, a movie kid. What, how, why do you say that you wanted to rape or what it is? Because he said I want to take it to a hotel and bring it back out. And he's from Charlestown. Yeah, he was going to steal a car. I don't steal a car.

Yeah, hopefully Banga reigns out with my five-inch pipe. Thanks for reading this hope I went Scott There it is. That was a name. We'll go to the fucking war in Tavin first Hey, right now, hey, oh here we go Chris Chris B Hey, I hope this is to win a cake with Kelly contest not some other contest involving two dudes I hope this is to win a cake with Kelly Contest, not some other Contest involving two dudes. Okay, date, sorry. I was a long hair guy with the mustache that did the Skype call a few episodes ago.

I remember. The monster voice said, I look like his dad with massive 70 porn stash. PS Kelly gives me a massive boner with the accent and how funny and open she is about her bloody Fastuka which is your asshole. That doesn't bother me. I've seen Bobo's cock on Twitter from ONA. Nothing is worse than that. That's Chris. We don't know where he's from. There's no picture and you didn't give a cockxize. So you are out. So we have Evan. We have

quelli, it's name is quelli, sorry, it's not, it's KWELI, quelli, the brother, and then we have, um, Robito. Robito right now, if I'm going in order, Robito, quelli, and then, and then, and then, and then, so we have those three. I like Evan, but he's too much too much to nasty Well, here's the thing with Evan, okay, which one do you like? I don't know What are you eating?

Open your mouth open your mouth. I do the dog thing where I grab her job Maybe we're maybe Robert he sounds like the most normal, like in terms of like conversation and get into know each other. He seems like the most, you know, hey man. Why did your voice go down to October? I don't know why. Sometimes it happens.

Sometimes I like to. I like to rob it in terms of. The same thing in the color. So, whoa, why do you say that to the black guy? Yeah, hey, hey, hey, she hit on me. Y'all just deal with that I can only a smoke wins today. Let me ask you a question. Do you think felonies is cute? Well, I think everyone in this room is beautiful in the runway. Yeah, that was a no

Yeah, I am the soft shoes at the end of it. I hate black guys So no I So no, you know, I'm okay. He's a pretty boy. Just be honest. Oh, really. I don't like long beads. I don't like long beads. There it is.

Really? You don't like beads? No, I like five o'clock shadow and a little bit of bead. Right. What about long? What about long? So you like to feel your pussy on your face. But I do like black guys.

That's really nice. One thing about it, I can say, listen. Well, you just do whatever you want. Would you shave your beard for a pussy? No. No, really. Ain't no pussy good enough to get burned up while I've been in it. That's better than real deal, holy fiel.

Nicely done, sir. Wow. I cannot admire it. No. The middle of the nopernas know how I feel. Oh. The pet line, like a couple times. Wow.

You just do whatever you want. You set me up with whoever and then you just put it out. That's not possible. That's a no. No, you know, he did. He did with the middle is an open is. I think we give it. I think we give it to the end of the month.

We got these three guys. There's a couple of the guys that contacted me at the seller. One guy came up to me and he was I want in but he never email me or nothing So if you we're gonna we're gonna keep this open for another week, okay? I'm listening if you want in Your YKWD at riotcast.com name Occupation Caxis date live in New York City. Oh, New York area. I'll come into the area

I'll come to the area. Oh, coming to the area. I'm gonna date with someone who's gonna be here. Yeah. I'm into the area. Today. We're coming to the area. Hang on. Oh, okay.

That was a good meal though. All right. Today, I'm sorry. All right, so there you go. We got those three. The top running is Mikey, Robert O. Robert O's right now. He's the number one driver.

Wellie and Evan, you are number three. Evan, you're still in. Even though you're creeping everybody out by showing up every fucking, every night at the comedy seller. And you got a pit bull face. And bulldog, bulldog, bulldog. Pluck pit bull would be good.

That stands six down. Hey, all right. Come on. Hey, all right. Come on. Oh, geez. It looks great.. Hey, all right. Come on. Hey, all right. Hello. Oh, geez. That's great. Did you all right? So that's it. We're we're gonna wrap this up right now. Kelly, we're gonna

get you a date very soon. You get to win a date and she's looking pretty today, man. She's looking gorgeous. Why you don't have a fucking boyfriend? If I wasn't married, Kelly, I would, I think I'd fucking, I think I'd Kelly, I would I think I'd fucking I think I'd quarter I would Music I Bobby with that fucking hair and the num chucks. No, I'm talking now Do you want the fuck young Bobby? No, you're my friend. I don't quietly want anything to do with you I'm just being nice And she got you know open for you. I you told you your bloody asshole would make you throw up The whole time I'd fucking you're like are you bleeding is a what's that smell?

I think you like about me is my armpits No, I can't you're like my daughter I do like your armpits. I do you get sexy armpits We're gonna get you a date because you should have a boyfriend. You should have a guy That's my point just regular, but here's why here's why you don't have a guy too is that you fucking do show you You're fucking you walk around like a guy a lot. Yeah, yeah, you should you're a pretty girl Be use what you got seriously without grabbing your balls seriously You got use what you got okay, all right, you're pretty good. You look beautiful today. We're tights more often. All right. All right. So we're gonna end this,

make sure you email those guys. Dude, you got to come back on monk. Dude, I'm in. Do you have a good time? Had a great time. All right. Good. Yeah, it was good. It was fun. It was hanging. Glory hole. We're gonna do that now. Glory hole. It's, it's, it's, it's one. It's Rob's Francis Pants kiss Fences to hear that rob I did say what you had told me the thing We're Kelly and I are gonna be on it you and arc. Oh you and Kelly. I thought you were Kelly cuz I was already on it We're already on it. We're great unbelievable Anyhow we're gonna get the fuck out of here man. What are you doing July 12?

Yeah, no, yeah, no, what is that? All's Dayton. Yeah, no July 12. I met Gotham come you're a go I'll be there too That's exactly how it fucking works is me fucking Dan Dante narrow Gotham comedy club June July 12th 8 o'clock come out out, buy a ticket, eat a dick. What's your Twitter? Fologius, underscore, MUNK. Fologus, all right.

And make sure you listen to Glory Hole on ryecast.com. Glory Hole. You're on the show every week. We're going to show every week. Who else is on the show? Rob Sprance, the little queer dude from Bolivia, which is named, you know, Franko. You're on the show show. He's queer Chris, who's married, but possibly queer. Right. And you got Mr. P P.

There's a lot of weirdos on the show, but I'm near. So it was less weird. Do you like this studio or their studio better? Dude, there's a couch here. That pretty much. We got a fridge. So fucking couch, a fridge beer, right? Rob, you you my man's

But yeah, they got a couch and beer. All right, dude. Thanks for coming on and Kelly Kelly. Yeah, we got Kelly She's got a mish tits. I like mish tits. She's no she has no fucking she has to have mish tits There's no option Joe, what do you got Joe? All right? It's not looking good for my son. I gotta be honest, not looking good. August, August, that's not that far away. 17th and 18th, I'll be at the Caloonz. Won't you open for me in Boston?

It's August. When I'm there in August. What state is that? Don't check the date, Joe. Just say yes, go away and figure it out. I'm, I to say yes. I'm not going to say yes. I'm not going to say yes. I'm not going to say yes. I'm not going to say yes.

I'm not going to say yes. I'm not going to say yes. I'm not going to say yes. I'm not going to say yes. I'm not going to say yes. I'm not going to say yes. I'm not going to say yes. I'm not going to say yes. I'm Yeah, very funny guy. I love it Joe. Thanks coming on again Knocking out of the park again. I mean it wasn't as good as last time, but you were good today

Right, right. I'm progressively getting worse. Yeah What's up? I'm not so I got underbelly on July 7th Saturday 10 o'clock quick in the cave on the belly at that's a name my show Oh full limit Twitter Kelly for stew. Yeah I'll follow me Twitter Kelly for stew go Why if I is to you see a Kelly for stew? Okay, great and now you have that Magnum P.I. Ready to go. Oh, yeah, okay. What do you got there? I'll be headlining jokers wild in New Haven, Connecticut Listen to me if you do not go to party already already I'm gonna go when you go

I might just take a train down just to have puppies with you one day July 16th you want to go with me to have a right right July 16th July 16th yeah It's a guy named Mike Fiona's show so I'll be there Monday July 16th at Joker's room really That's fucking awesome. Is that was a special pizza isn't it's the best So that's fucking awesome. Is that is that special pizza? Isn't it? It's the best Best pizza in the world top five pizza in the country. Okay, you just sang to my heart. Let's do this But it occasionally sometimes looks like a little too salty

Very salty pizza, but the Linwood in Randall Right, we had a Linwood No, I never had really no, I have it. Oh my god, but I will I'll have a way of Joe is a good I'm not sure I'll leave this they don't leave. No, I swear What you got coming I'm gonna be at I'm gonna be a comics and Foxwood's six 28 Look what I wrote on my poster when you go up there. Okay. I will. What do you think it's fine? I'm not funny now, but you're it's called interrupting. I also wrote it on poster, but I wrote a nicks poster. Um, six twenty eight to the 30th. I'll be a Fox Woods. If you're in Connecticut, Rhode Island, whatever, make sure you get tickets

to what? What? I want to come up there and hang out you maybe I'll see if Kelly can open for me there Maybe I'll see we'll see Kelly going up cold in England casino. Oh I don't mean that you it's a fuck it's brutal. I mean vagus soon, too I can't wait for that when you go to Vegas one of Vegas the 19th man I'm gonna be at the Paris which is the Empire comedy club brand new club You want me to get you a gig there? Yeah, you want it? Yeah, I mean you can you I'll get you a headlight you can you should be headlighting now Dan See if I can I'll see if I'll get you in all right, thanks

Anyways, go to my website robbercallylive.com. You want my dates get my fucking award winning app award winning app I'm 2012 comedy awards. Oh, that's right. So make sure you get that app It's the best app has the podcast on it and make sure You support our sponsors go to the websites that we told you about what are you doing? The fucking you doing I'm sitting up this song. He wants oh she's killing me that really hurt. She's killing me That was mean, so you know it's gonna be really loud when it comes to her turn it down

oh fucking Kelly what are you fucking doing oh the fuck are you doing I'm gonna shut a let him drive I told you to work that shit out on your headphones and then you work it out because when I do it you can't oh god, we're gonna jump up here. We're gonna jump up We're gonna end this fight. Look at I'm I apologize for this two-hour show It's just be an hour and we just kept fucking going angry and we kept going yeah, why you know why you know why Why because you can't say no I feel like it's me I put the microphone away because I'm gonna sit out and then you Whoa

I'm off the street that you're paying I just like the microphone whoa whoa whoa She just said we took your fall on the street. I was in nicta Pallos basement guy, right? And you like the microphone It's five o'clock. I gotta go. Goodbye Hit the music 1 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 I'm gonna go back to the place where I'm gonna go and I'm gonna go back to the place where I'm gonna go and I'm gonna go back to the place where I'm gonna go and I'm gonna go back to the place

where I'm gonna go and I'm gonna go back to the place where I'm gonna go back to the place where I'm gonna go back to the place where I'm gonna go back to the place where I'm gonna go back to the place You don't want to get it You don't want to get it I can't stand this stick, you know what I need I'm stuck in the fog, I'm stuck in the fog You don't believe it

I'm just stuck in the fog, I'm stuck in the fog You don't believe it Really dude, really, really, really You don't believe it I'm just stuck in the fog ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com