Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - He's Pregnant

Episode Date: June 10, 2013

After a very special announcement, Robert is joined by Yannis Pappas, Dan Soder, Joe List, Kelly Fastuca and Ry Doon.  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid. en todos tus dispositivos. ¡Plu-to-TV! ¡Ven a verlo sin pagar nunca! 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno,

Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar todo el 3 por uno en medianas a domicilio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por uno, 3 por uno, ah no, no, no, ¡Dominos! Pizza. separado, tres por uno, tres por uno, ah no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, news. My baby has sucked on the breast for 10 minutes on the left. And then how and now he's on the right. All right, don't talk on the

podcast. Either one of you's. That's right. I had a baby. Maximus Donlin Kelly, aka Max Kelly, AKA Max Kelly, AKA Mad Max, was born on June 2nd at 320 in the morning. Woo, 2013. That's right. The year the world was supposed to end,

my son was born. I'm very excited, I'm very excited. I'm very tired. I want to say thank you from my family, officially, the Kelly family. That's my wife, Max, and the two dogs, Kelbee and Diva. Thank you very, very much for all the unbelievable tweets, vine comments, and Facebook,

and I only had a block two people. And I want to thank you for all the gifts you guys sent. Just stupid. You're stupid. You're unbelievably stupid in a good way. And believe it or not all that stuff, we're using. So thank you so much, really. And believe it or not all that stuff We're using so thank you so much really it means the world to me that

You guys you guys give a shit that much Anyways, I am exhausted my wife's exhausted little Max is tired But everything is going great He was born six pound nine ounces, 19 centimeters long, gorgeous brown hair with blonde highlights. 19 and a half inches. Don't talk on the podcast. What do you, I mean what? Shut up, shut up.

I know, 19 centimeters. I fucked up, good for you. You wanna be alone with that baby? You want to be on the streets? Anyhow 19 inches Shit and there you go I'm very happy and very excited. I'm very proud.

And I'm overwhelmed. This was a crazy four days. So in a great way, in a great way. Life is a cliche. It really is. Everything they say is true. It's all true. Sounds corny. Everybody says the same shit, but it's fucking true. So thank you for all the advice, for all the comments, all the gifts, and all the well wishes. You guys are awesome. So enjoy this episode.

I am home right now with my baby and my wife. So enjoy. Dude. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Liri. This is Opie from A Lot of Things. This is Bert Kreiser.

Staying cookin', you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what, dude? You know what, dude? If you bippy by uh, if you bippy-bippy-boo, dippy-dippy-dryer, you have a dab of dew. Dude! This is Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what, dude? My eyelashes hurt. It's so loud.

I like it sick. All I can hear is the air conditioner wind in the microphone. It's not the fucking AC Joe. Leave the AC alone. Stop. Don't be a crumbudge in. I'm not a crumbudge in. What?

My mic is off. My mic is off. Your mic is not off. Well,'m not a crumbogen. What? I might as well. My mic is on the table. Your mic is not off. Well, oh no, it's better. Huh? Was that sound better now? What is that? I know.

Is that that plug? Is it on the back of your kelly? Hang on, fuck him. What about me in the show? Fuck the doorbell. Oh, you stop it. Well, you stop. It it's not that cold leave you put a hood on? Where hat fat wait, oh, so does it stop he's gonna lose his shit don't don't say anything. I don't say word. I know how to do it What's up, buddy? How you doing? How's it going? That's good? Let go take your seats

Take your seat. What's up, buddy? Nobody said you up yet dummy. We got cakes. We got cakes. We got candies. That's Ryan Dune. I got some cakes. We did. You know what? No, don't you, Joe, fuck you. Nothing nice right? Nice, how'd you Joe fucking you? It's nice to know. You're an asshole man. Nothing.

Nothing's wrong. Nothing's wrong. There's nothing wrong. Please sit down, Rolex. Just sit down. Just sit out. He's fucking with you, D. Would you like a cake, Dan?

I'll buy you some cakes. We got cakes. We got cookies. We got a bunch of fans and some stuff in. Yeah. All right. Are we good? We're good. Just let me hear your mic, stupid. We got cakes, we got cookies, we got a bunch of fans and some stuff in All right, all right, we're good. We're good. Just let me hear your mic stupid. Okay, check check check There's nothing on these phones Joe's got me behind. I wouldn't let it happen to you mate Hey, Phil, are you feeling good? Yeah, my doughstrokes are happening. Yo, you have sub-liberally fucking John to make it happen and that's bullshit. You said you wouldn't do that and you fucking doing it.

I'm not doing it anyway. You're fucking, of course you are. You make us picking up sounds. I don't know. First of all, that's a definitive Joe list little mouth whisper. Do you find anything weird in the room right now? I don't know. I'm super blue. Little mouth whisper. Do you find anything weird in the room right now? I don't know your seat Dan doesn't know which way to go

If you had a sail you could fucking cruise across Yeah, but he thought that's because I thousand dollar pyramid what that was looking like he was thrown off because he thought that we were gonna lie in the face so he he had a walk off all right he neglected to mention the most obvious thing that does fucking gale force win the blown his eyebrows back i very bushy eyebrows first of all there's no first of all first of all, you forced that to happen. You fucked him, you mined, freaked him, like Chris Angel, into thinking that he was called. Now he's going to think he's called.

It's not close, nice in here. It's not bad. I enjoy this. Thank you. What is it? Seabreys. Who's that? I don't know.

I like your hat by the way. Thanks man. Rob Sprance. that i don't know how to make i like your hat by the way thanks man rob sprants uh... the uh... co-owner of of uh... rye cast network what's up rob i don't know if you're not now i did you and now i have to look at your computer all right well we're already started the show so i got blessed i think i said how do uh...

the boys and the girl what's up i rob i rob it's still this very windy and here i i do it is the phone service up can we use the phone service it is you have to i think i know you know what go home i'm just go home every time should i sell home

but i just go home and get a better coat is it you know what i'm going to go to jose to be just about the fucking summer rob jose to come on the show and just be fun if every time you come to this is just a fucking bitch he's got a bitch he's a never should he's a little fucking pain in the ass now either it's not funny it's too cold it's too hot he's thirsty is not thirsty whatever the fuck it is he's going for menopause can't be that

but you say it's a uh... i took care of that one who does a menopause joke to fucking do the twenty-year-old dudes hey guys uh... So anyways, the show is started. We're waiting for you. What the fuck was that? Everything's off the rails. I didn't hear it. I didn't hear it. Oh God. That was me plucking in my electric blanket.

I'd love to light you on fire right now. I mean, it's just a cunt. I mean, do I have to deal with this? Do I have to? I got a lot of my fucking plates out of. You do. I got a lot of my plate. You're going to be a father. Only half of it.

I got to walk him by. You know in New York City, they have the... They have those schools. They have a lot of schools. They have schools in every city, Bob. Yeah City, they have the schools. They have a lot of schools, they have schools of every city, Bob. Yeah, but not like these schools. Not like these schools. Not Detroit.

Snap. Damn. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Damn. Hoping freezes solid. You know, when you walk by them and you, you know, it's, the kids get out of school and it's very loud. And you fear for your life and they're screaming

and yelling and, you know, somebody's ripping a wig off a young girl crying and, good Irish Catholic school. Yeah. Well, I'm walking by a group of those kids today with my wife and I'm always bald up on that happens. I'm looking for weapons, a stick, break a CD in half, as a knife, you know, something.

And I hear one of the kids goes, oh shit, look, he's pregnant too. Oh no. Oh, that kid, I mean, that's a good one. Oh man. That's, I'm not gonna lie, the thing about black teenagers are, they're amazing at shit. Yeah, it's cock-sack, I went, yeah, I went,

you mother, I went, you mother fuck, you went, oh shit. I went, yeah, I went, you mother, I went, you mother fuck, he went, oh shit, I went, really, I was fucking good. It made me laugh, but you're a fuck at heart. I go that heart. I don't like you as soon they were black. No, no, yeah, yeah, because I nailed it. Oh, it's a little insensitive, if you ask me.

In fact, last night I was leaving a show with Nick Turner and, I love Nick. Black teenager, he hid behind a pay phone booth and as he walked by he goes, like yelled at us and it was the most adorable and dangerous thing I've ever happened. That's ever happened to me. Guys both screamed. I just froze up and Nick was smoking weed

and he just continued taking his hit. So, really? Yeah, he's, you know. Nick's been raped by a young black man before. Mm-hmm. He didn't even get phasedased he didn't even flinch. That's great. I experience some black youths just before I came here Oh, and Welcome to know they ripped my wig off. I was wearing a wig hang on. Let's really explain Rydoon Ryan Dune from

Vine really from vine I just want to make sure you're awake But you're away we had Ryan Dune on the vine was great vine. He's a fucking he's a he's a hit on vine Not only that he's gone. He's got he had. He had to say, Jay-Z is the best. He did, he had 20,000, almost 20,000 last time you're on. Now you're over. Almost at 40,000. 40,000.

Jesus. Yeah, two weeks. He's gotten 20,000 people to follow. Are you vying in what's your most popular vying? My most popular so far is entitled High Society entitled high society, where it's, uh, like financially delusional dude, who, like, for me, this is seven second video. And it's like an inside the actor studio. Yeah. It's like, well, my motivation was, I went to school for five years. Well, deep stories. We're a vine actor. You just need to throw

yourself. Watch this. Brian, grind watch this kid give me some giant You much oh man savage yeah going to the top only got three voices were running out sexy Bob Indian white guy for the man that comes with his wife with the braid insider tummy. Kelly for stuka fat Kelly. Meek and Kee. Kee. Oh shit. The dog. Hey, what's going on?

Yeah. How you doing? We're on. No, we just met. I was going to, I was going to meet her after. That's why I told you to send her. Hi, really good. Well, right now we're, we're, we're, we're, I'll just tell you know, we got ride doing

in the studio. We got Dan, AK, monster voice. We got Joe, the fucking hammer list. I changed your name. Joe the truth. I'm kidding. We got fat Kelly and I'm looking at a rast right now. We got That's a no no I'm the owner of the company selling. Let me introduce you. What's that? He's the truth. It's he's the truth. I was just kidding. No, you're not the truth. He's still the truth. You're the dog. You don't give away your name You're the boss

Yeah, you're not the let's not get we have a let's not give it carried away I'm trying to get more spots. Okay, yeah, you're the dawn you're the boss and this is Rotem who is how to go how the meeting go first well hang on one second Can we have a zero microphone Kelly over there somewhere can you get let him have that micro really quick? We turn the air conditioner off it might be sure Turn the AC off please. We turn the AC off for this fucking is it chilly in here? It's a little chilly I find it chilly. Yeah, because you're both way up buck 10 wet You thin little boys I had the me so

Rotem Rotem Rotem Mazel tough a motilech a mingle horace a donalem Patarico go fuck yourself. I know Oh that rhymed What's how the meeting go the meeting is okay? We wait so far we She can help she can help ask for IDs on the line right and What else she's she's gonna learn to make coffee And what that's what I drink what do you mean your your coffee?

She's gonna learn to set up the podcast and I told her that once you get to know some of the comedians I don't want to just start calling comedians, but after like a few weeks. You don't think if a young girl calls up a Come on. Hi. Hey, this is Roteem. I got you I work at the comedy seller I booked a show would you they'd be like they'd probably more people would do it you'll be Roteem. Go ahead. Okay Hello Hello. Hello. How's it going? Hello. Hello.

Hi, my name's Mark. I'm a comedian. Hello. Hello, yeah. Hey, I'm sleeping there. Hello, this is a role-tem. I work at the comedy seller. Who gave you this number?

I actually got this number from Dom, the owner of the comedy seller. The guy that gives you spots. Anyways, he wants you to come in Tuesday to do the podcast. Are you available? I'm sorry, are you available? Who is this again?

My name? And Nome gave you my number. Nome, the owner. It's gonna be a mess, Robert. I can't, she can't just start calling people. Why? Why'd you give up on her? You give up or you?

I believe in her. I believe in her. You think I can give her like Jim Norton's number? Yes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no she's too pretty okay she's too pretty to give yeah yeah can I give her Colin Quinn's number if one side of her head was bigger than the other side give her to Jim Norton's number but no she's a very pretty young girl I'm gonna give her Paul McEureo's number oh please yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um but that's good what else she's gonna make? What kind I don't know. I got to find work for her

She would listen. I found out what she really wants But she just wants to hang out and meet the comics in the hopes that Louis CK will walk in that's that's the truth But Louis CK has I already told I already told he's got a beautiful assistant that he loves that he won't that is like Family to him you're not gonna muscle her out that he won't that is like family to him you're not gonna muscle her out she's Israeli you're not gonna get it if you don't try you're muscling people out there

they are warring you weren't in the army where you're oh she's not real her father is friends can I say with no no no no no fucking podcast nobody listens to this it's not your show it's mine yeah all this friends with some important people I'm gonna fucking podcast nobody listens to this. It's not your show. It's mine

Yeah, this friends with some important people. Yeah, wink wink. Okay, great. Um, just give what she wants All right, so I'm gonna try I'm gonna try to hook hook her up with what? With I'm gonna try to find work for her so she can you should get it On the podcast and be at the podcast and make sure everybody's cool Maybe take Kelly's job. Oh My god Russell, my wrestle, my wrestle, my wrestle, my wrestle, my wrestle, Russian, my wrestle, Russian, my wrestle Ozzy in a Russian. Have you ever made Kelly cry? Yeah, yeah, but oh, a breeze is made Kelly cry That's really not yeah, yeah, but a breeze is made Kelly cry. That's really not. Yeah. Yeah.

Freshly, freshly baked donuts made Kelly cry. Yeah. Yeah. Watching a guy do Shakuutri in the window. So what you're saying is that you're a Kutri. It's the fucking dry meat's perfection. That's the art of making dried meat. That was a great one. You're just dismissing everything that you might have said to her, which was mean and inappropriate, by just writing off, what she cries at a lot of things. So now I'm off the hook. Well, she's crying right now because you're taking

her a fucking whole chair. You see how he did that? You're taking her chair. You might cry easy, but that doesn't mean he wasn't mean and belittling and berating to you. Hey, hey, hey, thin shirt, beat it. I'm kidding. The fatso sit back down. That's what we're gonna be talking about on our podcast.

What's that? About you. What are you talking about? Nothing. You can't talk about me without me there. I have a question for you. No, I'm definitely. The floor goes to the right.

No, Ryan. No, I've been doing stand up for three months. It's not gonna happen. How about it? Can I get a spot? Are you nuts? I'm kidding, I've been doing stand up for three months. It's not gonna happen. How about it? I got a spot. Are you nuts? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. This is the reason you said I'm gonna buy a soul. First of all, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I all, first of all, you're sitting there,

you're such an intelligent bully, is what you are. You use your stupid intelligence. Here it is, here it is. How about your bully? This is what you're talking about. This is what you're talking about. This is what you're talking about. This is how it comes out.

There's two guys, there's two guys in this room who I specifically told that city use from my show, Dan Soda and Jolus, two of the funniest upcoming guys at the Comedy Seller, are directly from me. But that wasn't on the pile. I turned your mic off stupid. It's my show.

Okay. Second of all, you're a bully too. You're more of a bully because you have more power you get to take shit away Go ahead use the other mic Use Joe's mic That's not insecure How a kid guys let's not get into a p-competition What people you'd recommend it is people who asked me on the podcast one person

one Yanis popus and he's one of the funniest guys ever You're gonna pop and he's coming in now Where is he? Where is Janis? Janis is he'll be here at six He's a very funny guy one guy. How many guys? All right, so are you funny? I was kidding. I'm not ready to He's a very funny guy one guy how many guys? I was kidding I'm not ready to I'm ready to be it so did you hear three months? Yeah?

Funny you're funny. I'm funny. I'm funny. You can go right in front of the line. You can get four spots on Saturdays Whoa It's true It's a meritocracy. It is not a what whoa dumb it down Seriously meet curing words. I That's what is who then yeah, thank you I walked by a bunch of black kids today and they wanted the kids yells out look. He's pregnant to man Yeah, fucking almost made me cry

Send me a YouTube clip what what? What's wrong with that? You're trying to be hip. They send me the YouTube clip. Send me a YouTube clip. If you have fun, you have, of course you can get on. It's no, it's no magic to getting on. How many, how much time do you have, right? I have like solid, I've gotten like solid laughs of like 20 seconds,

like three big laughs in a row. 20 seconds, you have a solid 20 seconds. Listen to me, right? I'm gonna give you advice. I appreciate the honesty. I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never said this. Don't do it. Listen to me, listen to me, do not let him.

I'm gonna say what he does. He's gonna let you go on and fucking nuke yourself. And then he's gonna, gonna what the only reason why So they can have another little notch in his belt against me so we can go How about the kid riding down how about and it was just get another notch in his fucking belt about me So don't do it for one you're not ready yet and the comedy seller is all fucking professionals You don't want to blow that ward you don't want her plus you don't want SD-matty because this fucking jackass went, put him on, put him on and she goes, he's not the idiot. And then he goes up and you bomb and she goes, I told you. And then he goes,

hey, what are you gonna do? He'll just walk away from your life. You know that. He won't even talk to you. He'll actually pretend he doesn't know you next time he sees you. You understand that? Don't do it, right? Don't listen to him. This began i was joking right as you can tell i'm not ready i'm not funny so i'm gonna ask gary veter to come in to do a few minutes leaders very highly recommend highly recommend i saw him in carolins and i and i'm thinking about ever since i saw him even i was like fifteen people in the audience and i think he's funny and i really think he's funny and i i'm gonna him yeah, that's great. That's great

You know I'm I'm not saying anything I'm not I vote for Joe the the truth list and Muscle that's right. I'm the one who said he disguised the guy. Thanks to everybody. I think it's hilarious All right, good. You want a more random box? You want to do it? Just press on my show. What are you doing? What was that? I'm gonna get wrote down the number wrote down. Yeah, it was the but get around the letter on the thing put it on the mic Yeah, sweet come on sit down. You want an intern and not sit down? Take out your cell phone Sit very close to me or closer to me. Yeah, there's a couch over here

Very close to me or closer to me. Yeah, there's a couch over here. This is crazy. We're around. I think that way. This is intimidating. No, it's okay. Shit. How many people listen to mine that over 100 people

are listening right now? That's a lot of people. Hello, 100 people. There's around 15,000 people. Okay, take out your phone. Oh, who the hell are you? She's actually 21. You're 21.

Have you seen the movie Last American virgin? No, okay I'm gonna give her the number you're gonna tell her what she should say the only thing is I'm gonna tell you that no You should let her wing it let her do it. Okay, but I want tell her what you want and then see what she does We're gonna what I want him to come and do five minutes on a Wednesday after midnight, right? You're gonna say you gonna say no you're gonna watch us you're gonna say your name you're gonna say that's in my head now it's in my head too good can you sing more more verse no wait it's getting a little hot in here probably um too bad here this is what you're gonna say don't play with me Joe I'm in no mood I swear I'll end the friendship I'll end it all Joe. Guys, you need the AC you just talk to me. Hey, Rotem rotem rotem. Yeah, what's up? This week is say hey your name calling in

You know representing the comedy comedy seller. We want we'd love you to come in and do a spot when After midnight on a Wednesday after midnight on a Wednesday with this Wednesday tonight take notes tonight today's Tuesday tomorrow do for tomorrow do tomorrow no one would like to know no if I know Gary like I think I do he is available Kelly what is Kelly gone she walked off she's done no time you did it look at you are you took, he took her job? She did. Oh my God. Do you know what kind of coffee, you know what I'm making coffee?

All right, listen. Is Janis coming in? Yes, look at me. Okay, great. Next day on the honesty, go ahead. So for a spot tomorrow night at what time? Yeah, I first of all, take the Russian tone out of your voice. Okay.

You're not trying to, you're not trying to get rupees out of them. You're not trying to, you're not trying to tell him you disappear if you're not those show. He's got a Russian voice, tell him. You're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to, you're not trying to feel it already he's the good Russian accent these both Russian oh you're Israeli right yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna be men as your father made disappear I honest go grab a seat I can't tell you oh god it just gave me the willies okay um should I get up or no you're good you're good Look like you want the Staten Island fairy whale watch it

One two take out number two which is the take out the yellow one That one and plug that in and that's just combined two things into one two things into one Like in the set not it very well watching. Hi, buddy. How you doing, Robbie? Look at this, the honest is new thing. Dude, I'm an urban comic. I like to move around. I like that he looks like he didn't even attempt to dry off before you sat on the couch. Not only that, but I want to get right into it.

With the honest as jacket, he looks like a weather reporter. He's like a hurricane. Yeah, but not the, not the, not the, he's the early morning one. Yeah. Not the, not the prime time. He's the two to five a.m. He's the one that the other people fuck with as they walk by New York one. Yeah, you know, yeah, you have these same you have the same monotone. Hello the hurricane has come in

And then they have to cut like the heartfelt story at the end of the news because Janus went long on the weather That's what happens. You just walk in to a bunch of comic books. Here's this is. This is immediately. Jan, poncho dick face. Janus, this is Ryan Dune. Yeah, we already met. Are you know him?

No, I don't know, but we, you know, we're white guys. We just introduce each other. Well, he is similar. Look, he looks similar, right? He looks better. He looks like dry Janus. If I'm ever. I look like the iPhone 3 he's like the iPhone 5

yeah he looks like the update you both just shaved and you both have a 5 o'clock shadow I would cast him for the honest profit story is your mic on the way why is your mic on Fisher oh you pulled his mic out did the yellow one I'm sorry put his back in the yellow back in and take out three I fucked out Rotem can we go back to your father making them disappear? It's happened, I can see it in your face. I'm not sure, I'm not a liberty to speak of them. Okay, that is mysterious.

There you go, let me hear you buddy. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. All right, here we go, check it out, stop. Everybody's in the house, everybody knows everybody. Rotem is gonna make a phone call too. What's his name? Gary Vita. Gary Vita. You're gonna be a leader. to what's his name Gary Gary Vita You're gonna be our leader Vider VID are Vider Vider I say Vida cuz I'm from Boston, but it's Vida

Facking Vida kitty. Yeah, me Vida. That's another voice. Remember all you always get the Boston voice It's Joe to roses in my head always saying I have three. It doesn't matter. You got more voices I always say I have three. It doesn't matter, you got more voices. But it's still therapy. There's another voice. Ah, Ryan, you're a good man. Your voice buddies. We're gonna voice fuck later.

Mm, mm, mm, mm. All right, so you're gonna call up, what's his name? Gary Vita. Gary Vita, and you're gonna get him to come down tomorrow night per Nome's request. No, how do you say no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no But tell him you're on the YKWD podcast. You should know that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, put him on speaker phone He's gonna think that we're fucking with him, but I love everything that's happening right now Well, Gary and I are actually close friends. Oh This is just a bad idea all around

This is just gonna end badly We're calling Gary Veter to give him an audition. No more. We're working on a web series together. He'll answer Why have the voice of a 14 year old? No, you don't don't say that don't ruin it for me Should I when do I start dying? Don't ruin whatever I have in my head right now by saying the voice of a 14 year old. Let's go back to shitting on Yannis until we're ready Oh, just that coat is awful. This is a little cost. Hey guys, this is a cost. That's like a summer cookout tablecloth that you don't mind spilling.

No, it's what a French guy wears when it's raining. Okay. It's what you lay down to do a slip-and-slide. I would expect you not to understand how nice this punch is. I love that, you know, it's very expensive. Yeah, it's a cost. It, well, you can say it like that if you want to,

but back in the day, most people know it from the little alligator shirt. So what is the little cost of that? Okay, this is what French people That's an hint parts Zing All right, um here we go. So you can have to put the phone up to is that what is that a blackberry? Yes, it's good Diling well, I still got a lot of speaker phone. Put a lot of speaker phone Oh, no, I know Put a much speaker phone put it up now you got to put the speaker up to the mic and you just talk there we go. No put it up to the mic Gary Veter There you go right there seats put the speaker right up to the phone

Right there people there. There you go right there. Keep it right there. You talk from there put that Hi, this is Roa T Ainton calling from ComedyCeller on the behalf of NOM and Robert Kelly. We are on his podcast as we speak. You know what, dude, or YKWD. Yeah, I'm the intern, and they're putting me up to the task of asking you to come in Wednesday night for a spot.

Uh, Wednesday night. Yeah, sure. I, you're, uh, hello, hello, Garrett. Bobby Kelly is talking. Gary, this is Robert Kelly. Hey, I'm very well. How are you? Are you sleeping right now? No, he always sounds like.

Are you sleeping? Well, I was taking a nap. Okay. Okay. So go ahead. What time is you sleeping? I was thinking of that. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so go ahead. What time is you coming in? We talked to him. Hi, can you come in after 12 for five minutes' spot? Yeah, sure. Definitely.

Oh, thank you so much. Ask him how he feels about this. How do you feel about this, Gary? What's up? How do you feel, Gary? How do you feel about this? I thought it was a much better way. Great. How up? How do you feel Gary? How do you feel about this? Great. How excited are you? From a scale of one to ten. Could you show us? Could you show us? I know it's over the play music. Can you scream? Is that too much to ask with a excitement? Yeah, I love excitement.

Show us in showmanship. Like, she's very low-energy, Bob. I mean, I know you just spoke up from a nap, but. Just, just scream. Robert's requesting you to scream. I'm requesting you to scream. I'm sorry, I don't turn off the do what they say. OK, I'm screaming, Eddie.

One, two, three. Yay! That's all you're going to get out of here. I'm sorry. I don't turn out to do what they say That's all you're gonna get out of Gary I'm supposed to got that much out of Gary That was like a six right there. That was great. Alright, so now close the deal. So say great I will be here to meet you. Oh We should Wednesday you only have a Tuesday and Thursday. You don't have it I'm moving into my new apartment. Yeah, which is in a story. No, but Gary. I can't Wednesday, you only have a Tuesday and Thursday. You don't have it. I'm moving into my new apartment. Which is in a story. No, but Gary, I can't cancel on you.

I already made a promise. Has anyone noticed a getting cast on this podcast as a prerequisite for your cast this time? I will send my best to be here, and if not, I'm sure no one will have someone else to be here for you. You need to be there. I need to be here, apparently. So let's go call my mom next.

What are you doing? She can't be here apparently so let's go call my mom next What are you doing? She can't be here She asked what about next Wednesday? I Work at a Possible now that but that's at night at night. I'll be here be here next Wednesday You come next Wednesday Gary No, no this one Sorry for the commotion. What time what time? After 12 you can't be moving at 12 you come down at 12. Oh 12 at night. Yes, I can be your 12 at night

I guess a noon. I'm good night 12 a.m. I don't scream We can hear you First time on the mic. All right. How great would it be even is like no, I can't make it I got a spot at L.O. Well, so we're very excited to have you and I'll see you then tomorrow 12 Are you good looking? He says yeah He looks like Lee Harvey Oswald. We really don't Jesus. I look forward to meeting you then ¿Qué es eso? Yo creo que lo voy a decir.

No me parece que lo voy a decir. Ok, yo creo que lo voy a decir. Ok, gracias. Ok, gracias. Gracias. Gracias. Gracias. ¿Con un futuro más allá de los estudios de grado? Gracias a las becas de posgrado en el extranjero, de la Fundación La Caixa, puedes estudiar en las mejores universidades y centros de investigación del mundo.

Tu talento te mueve. Solicitad tu beca en Fundación La Caixa.org Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desesperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¡Alguna! ¡Ya! ¡Es muy bueno! ¡Eso es el que se ha hecho! ¡Eso es el que se ha hecho! ¡Eso es el que se ha hecho! ¡Eso es el que se ha hecho! ¡Eso es el que se ha hecho! ¡Eso es el que se ha hecho! ¿Por qué hay un perro de perro? ¡Es el que se ha hecho! Pretty good. Yeah. She, she, where would the flow? She, she, she, she had some speed bumps and she came right out of them.

By the way, you have Herbie's now. Sorry. I didn't have any speed bumps. She, she, she, she, she. No, I thought you were hilarious. I'm not, I'm not. I can't bin myself out of here. Very attractive to you.

I'm more like, I called her first. By the way, my girlfriend. By the way, my friend. By the way, my friend. I was single now. I'm not really, I got to go out. By the way, my, my, oh, oh, oh, don't, my girlfriend. Right now on the podcast, I was single now. I'm not really By the way my favorite off of don't my girlfriend right now on the podcast I'm not dangerous father on one of our Joe and I'll fight for you Yeah, well, I'll just try to be a little wine. We're okay. My favorite before he wasn't joking either

My favorite my favorite part of the whole thing. He really has her face My favorite like he has a one-man show welcome to the comedy world. You know, okay My dog is from you. He has health insurance So one man's show welcome to the comedy world you don't get hurt is from you have health insurance so out of out of out of out of

out of out of out of out of out of out of out of out of out of

out of out of out of out of out of out of out of out of out of out of I didn't hear that word. That was great. Should I get up and run? All right, Andrew didn't say something. Now you can say you want her to say? I do. What?

No. She's probably know me from Vine. She's too distracting. Everybody likes her. Kelly looks nervous. Listen, amazing. It's a spot. Listen, everybody likes her.

It's too distracting. The color would have been a bit different if I had done it. I know. Let me tell you. OK. So Gary, I'll hang up when he heard you. Two days and Thursdays. We're good to go.

What day is this? You're going to pass? How's she doing? Monday's Wednesday. I got her a puzzle. I'll wear like the... No, you're the... You and...

No, those are the two places. First of all, I'll be... First of all, I'll be... Hang on one second. Those are the two places she requested. Am I right? Her dad got her a job at the head of the studio. What's the studio?

Steiner. Steiner's studio. The head. Her dad, whoever he the studio? Steiner studio, the head. Her dad, whoever he is, you know what I'm saying? Got her a job there and she was like, no, I'd rather, I'll take that job of course, but I'd rather work with Noam at the, well, Noam. Noam.

Noam. At the comedy cell, actually it was Louis CK and then you were like fifth But it went Ray Ellen. You were right after Ray Ellen You're right after Doing Ray Ellen's website and Facebook, but listen now you're in that's good. It's a good connection. She's a sweetheart, too All right, great. All right. Thank you sweetie. You got to go because you two you two good looking and all these guys are all distracted now very charming and funny Yeah, yeah, great. I'll see you later. Hey, welcome to be wow stay away from people like this. Yeah, not me that

I'm one of the good. Oh none of us know you're not All right, he has herpes. I don't he doesn't have a dad and I've been shot with the gun We're all other died. We're all tainted. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, he's been shot He has herpes. He will have herpes. No, I won't. Yeah, she got a bag on every time I put a jinx on No, he's gonna say what you have a soul say it be be be be be by You know what? Yeah, it's off. Okay. I know I'm see a letter. We'll get coffee later No, you're not getting coffee with real Tim Rotem row

Tim Road dude come on acting like your names aren't tough Road what is it? I love row. Oh, I'm in too tell dawn to beat it No, he's got a kid comment Tell Don to beat it Okay, I look like Dom Delewese with a hat Stop throwing around you stupid intelligent your Brooklyn intelligence You read it you fucking read an album cover now. You know a couple I know a couple of Hebrew words

Yeah, I take taking it easy. Here we go. I'm going later, Rome. You're not calling anybody. But her name's Ro. Her name's Ro, and I bet Ryan Dune gets her before any of you. I'll stab him. I'll cut that pretty face up. Yeah, I'm funny. Yeah, the fan sent them in.

I want to. I'll tell you right now, I'll tell you, I'll be honest with you, this asshole. No, seriously, you're an asshole. Saturday, Friday night, I've been doing so good. I haven't had carbs in three, three months. You're looking so good. Hang on, I was doing so good, really good. At the table, I'm starving, I didn't eat yet.

His wife, who's pregnant, ordered mac and cheese. Mac and cheese, first of all, one of the things that's never is underrated at the Comedy Cellar is the food. So good. Everybody talks about the Comedy Cellar. Nobody talks about how fucking crazy, cheap and good the food is upstairs. The chicken wings are the best wings in the fucking city. I agree. The French fries and the hamburger is insane um today on it was great right yeah it's good um and the mac and cheese is ridiculous yeah it's crunchy on top and gooey in the middle it's it's like so it's sitting there on the table and he's like he keeps telling just this is a guy who has no problem with addiction um you know it

doesn't he's just a thin dude plays guitar like a savant just father passed on some fucking intelligent jeans And he just can whale on a harmonica and ood whip out a fucking violin Jump on it. Yeah, yeah, and then yeah next to us a lot of gree on a wall I mean if you can't get pussy in this room. I don't know you Superman. Hey what is he? What are you gonna do? I had a flat tie. I was going, but you dumb face fucked it up. Superman? I had a thing, I was going, any who? Any who. I'm at the seller. The mac and cheese is there.

His wife goes, Robert have some, I go, I can't. I'm not eating that. He gets me at a vulnerable moment. I've been very fucked up lately. Very tense, very fucked up. Anxiety, up the ass waiting for this kid to come out. I don't know when it's gonna happen But any day now my whole life is going to change Okay, and I know knowing your life is going to change and there's no way out of it

It's like going I'm going away to jail for 10 years knowing that and then from going to court and all that that knowing that and then from going to court and all that that impending holy shit and that day it happens at least you can accept it and learn to live that life but until then you're fucked in your head right that's where I'm at he goes just gotta have a have a bite it's not gonna hurt you that's my heroin that's my hookers it's time to push off right he goes just just probably just have a bite. And I went to take one. Instead of going, I'm kidding. Stop don't... Like all my other friends have. He let me eat the whole fucking bowl.

You know what he did? He left. Thin boy left. I drink cappuccinos and I have I have fucking little goblets of wine. Like fucking the midgen on Game of Thrones, right? Tyrion Eight whole thing then chips came out Yeah, I've been on a binge you know what I did last night. I did I fucking went and took a cab to get donuts on 14th Street What did you do? No? No, what did you do? I came home. I was I That was after the fuck I find him in the gutter with jelly sauce all over his face. That was after the pizza

Oh, yeah pizza. I have a pregnant wife who back back in the day It would she would never break on me. No, you can't you know what I gotta do to her now I want pizza. She goes no I go come to her now? I want pizza. She goes, no, I go, come on. Okay, I get pizza. Cause she wants pizza too. Yeah, get a pizza. I ate the whole fucking thing. She had two slices.

Oh, God, and I was fucking angry. Cause the other pizza place that has the big New York pies that like the size he had, a slice is this day we're closed. I had to go to the medium size, which is still a large in anybody's, you know world I ate that and then I went down and got fucking donuts last night. I woke up this morning like I partied all night with coke and Vegas I woke up one sock on I was sleeping upstairs my pregnant wife was downstairs Leg was hanging off the couch because of this motherfucker cuz you oh

Jews what are you gonna do? Jesus Christ always manipulate the situation what do you have to say about that? Why why Talking to the mic you fool I don't I don't feel bad about it because I was raised to be a good host You were sitting there I said have a bite You said the dee that's all I remember saying have a bite have another one Over you bite to eat yeah, you look a Jewish grandmother

You're starving you need to eat Robin have some macaroni and cheese How do you open this put a sweater on before you go well? Don't forget to bring it up Bella She's how do you open this sweater run before you go? Well, you look Famous Don't forget to bring it up Bella. Oh shut up, Morty. The kids hungry. Oh give them another Good thing I can't wait to you assholes try to do some Brooklyn try to read let's recreate that on a Tuesday We already do But I'm wanting to do some serious just to what you're saying or this is just I mean I remember this honestly. I don't even remember you know what listen junk tits

You're right with me. You're a fucking you know, I don't know the way in fact I'm worse cuz I'm kind of like in between you like you look jolly. I just look fucking horrible Yeah, you look you look Greek. I'm disappointing Like I look like almost in shape that I take my shirt off Yeah, you look like. I'm disappointed. Like, I look like almost in shape, then I take my shirt off and over. Yeah, you look like a 50 year old dad. Yeah, the fourth dad. Yeah, the fourth dad. Okay, I'll tell you what he's doing.

He's opening up the candy. What are those called again? Um, yeah. Yeah, one of the best candies on the planet Earth. The best. Right, yeah. How is that? How is it?

Oh my god. Yeah, good. You know who sent that to us? A frontiany outside. A fan in the mail. Soft and going the inside. I don't like the macaroni and cheese you like. That came like a chocolate version.

No, no, no, no, no, look at me. It's like a chocolate version. I heard you. No, I wouldn't eat those. They came in the mail with beef jerky. Those are toast. Yeah, and then I swear to God, no, I'm from a fan name. They came.

What's his name? What's his name? What's's his name Kelly? We don't know what he's We what he does because we don't know who someone just said them. They were sealed Yeah, they were yeah, they were seals. Okay, good for you I can take them then you don't want them. Yeah, no, of course not leave those right fucking there. That's my guess If you if you fucking drop dead right now, I will laugh for eight minutes and then call an ambulance. Just eight minutes on me. Rote-Rote-Tem would just walk out.

Fuck, there goes that opportunity. I guess I'm gonna go take that job at the studio. Ha-ha-ha-ha. How am I gonna fuck Louis C. K. now? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. She can't help but hold on to the father, Riz. Hey. No one knows who her father is. Exactly, that's the terrifying part. Whoa Hey, no one knows who a father is exactly that's the terrifying part I can almost hear the button being pushed Lucy guys Jewish right isn't he happy Jewish? Yeah, he's Mexican. He's Mexican Jewish. Yeah, anyway. I'm sorry about the robber

I don't remember it. I just want to be nice. I've been on a binge. I've been on a bench in an Irish. Is he Jewish? Yeah, I've never heard that. He's not Jewish. We're very in Jews from Mexico. Yeah, I refuse to believe that. I think the Mexican part is Jewish. I think the honest is about to slip off the couch. That's the honest is new fucking thing he does. Yeah, I don't like it. Last time he lied down. He was like a quadriplegic that a nurse just haphazardly threw in the corner.

Hey, yeah. That's how we sketch now. I'm just, I'm 40. I'll see you later. Congratulations, Ralph. Nice. We'll see you later. Do me a favor.

Honestly, I'm going to give you advice. Don't fuck anybody who works here. Don't do it. OK. Seriously. Don't do it. Don't do it. We all are, I would like to.

I would like to work with you. Honestly, it's your man. Yeah are I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to I would like to OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO Delicious over there. Do they have mac and cheese day? Oh my god. It's with a truffle oil to Ow In a woman you fucking which room with you Talking to the mic you fucking your photographer Phil yeah, Phil if he a manager at Caroline Yeah, yeah, you never fucking told me that when I brought him into my inner circle Well, he doesn't expose my trade secrets to him First of all What trade secrets did you expose?

I was wondering about that myself. I went out to a club with him and I was like creaking all the shit in the club Yeah, good. This is what they should do. They said Right never mentioned he works for the did they use any say that because I was at Caroline's last night They had 16 people so it's getting I Think they might be using some of the Because I was at Caroline's last night, they had 16 people, so it's getting. I think they might be using some of the point. And data. Somebody should have told me that.

Somebody. What is that? Oh, that's from the same fan that gave us those fucking chopper. That's troubled by that. Yeah. Well, look, man, he's a good guy. He's a good guy. Whatever.

I know he's a soldier in another family. He's a good guy. He's probably a loyal soldier by that. Yeah, well look man. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. I know he's a soldier in another family He's a good guy probably a loyal soldier for that He just works then he's a loyal soldier to you now He's like the iceman he worked for all the families Yeah, we have a few you get the you get the horse inside of the gates Never fucking know talking to the Mikey a fucking ass A double agent you never know you think the loyalty you think you're loyal to them You never can be sure it's it's not the fucking it's not the Berlin wall. It's a fucking comedy club

You stay you have better chicken wings. Let's just move on all right now you got row Tim Send her after you know Chem numb numb and get her a Tim Don't all right okay, and do it on your show okay, we can I move on with mine and stop beating my fucking chocolates Oh god, I Will taste the beef jerky then when you eat the beef jerky. I was the beef jerky give me the beef jerky All right, so real quick guys a fan. I don't know. We'll try to figure out who it is That's we think it we think it's hang on not that one. Give me this give me that one

Give me that give me that one. This is a specialty from Australia. Yeah, I believe we believe he's from Australia He's Twitter handle is Aussie death squad, but I can't I believe it might not be I know that dude that dude tweets at me He's got like a scary picture. He's like a rady outfit. Yeah No, no, no, no letter in the mic like in the package or anything. It's different. I eat everything eat everything They eat Roo yeah, it's really gamey. You got a marinade it. It's gonna have a very good Never eat beef jerky. It's really good named. What is it? That's squad death That's what is from Joe Rogan's on network though that and Redman That's that's just the name. So we're Australia black water. Yeah. Here we go. All right, so this is called,

this is actually kangaroo jerky. I'm not gonna say that. All right. I'm gonna guess. And this is fucking me. This is Gator jerky. Gator! Like two full-grown Gator,

clapping in the mud. And then the mud. And then God gave him Gator fun! Woo! Gator contra in my backyard. I say I say I say no And I say a rope to him get together and have a goddamn Gator fight Who bring it row into this room and like putting a chicken in the swamp put up on your gator's Try it try it. Let's getaiter Junkit. Try it.

Try it. It's get you tried. I'll try it. This is Buffalo. Ah, we're gonna try it. Hang on. We're gonna. This is my gaiter Junkit.

I believe you're fucking overpowering poor Rydoon. Who has voices too. I know. Well, he's supposed to step in. If we're supposed to... Step in, Ryd. If he's supposed to ride, ever supposed to voice fuck.

Ah. It's a goddamn Gaiter fight. I know you're boy, a Creole. if we're supposed to write ever supposed to voice fuck It's a goddamn I know I ain't Creole I know Creole what you gonna do you gonna tell what's his name? Jay Z. Yeah, we're sigay to fight right now Give me that some of that beef jerky in open smokes. Oh, it ain't no. Oh no, no. Wait, wait, yeah, Kelly has the kangaroo and Dan is using his fucking civil war teeth. I want that beef jerky. To open up the gator.

Smells like salami. All right, here we go. How did no one open it? All right, here we go. Ready? Dan, go first. Gator jerky, here we go. Ready? Uh, Dan go first. Gator Jokey, mama. How was it?

Taste like Dato! What is it? What is it? It's good. It's like, uh, then beef jerky. Okay. Go ahead and take that. Wait, get him on the video.

What is it? Taste like. It's like dry kangaroo meat. Really? Have you had kangaroo before the aftertaste I imagined it no it's so spicy it's very off-putting tastes like any meat jerky right gator yeah it's gator go on bite the gator gator go on bite you I thought it was kangaroo my little body gator chea kangaroo is right here you know it's like a fruit roll. The chewy texture and the spice overpower.

I think I need to taste it. Can I try it? Oh, good. Do we really want that, Dan? Oh my God, it stinks. It's all flavored. Yeah, I mean, it tastes just like beef jerky. But it tastes like gator, Jellis.

This is kangaroo. I feel my stomach turned into a pouch right now. Take a slim jam. Yeah, snap into one. Snap into a slim gym. Yeah, snap into one All right, I'll see you later I got ahead you fucking take one. Let me see how much you take hey follow me on vine All right, probably know me. You know what I am look at rise trying to get you know I am you have a girlfriend too I'll see you later.

Alright, so there you go. Now we got a new assistant. You don't want to Joe? Yeah I'm good. I'm not a big beef-rooed jerky. Yeah, the disguise sent all this stuff. The applause, where's that? Hit that.

There you go, Joe. That's for you, whenever you have a good zing. Thanks. He sent all this crazy shit to the studio for you guys. So there you go, thanks for sending it. It's got North American alligator meat. Yeah. Beef, salt, spices, brown sugar. We have ostrich jockey here as well.

I would imagine it tastes like the same thing, but go ahead, throw it down, fatty. I know you want to open it Or let Joe with his ostrich mouth take a bite So yeah, the owner is sensitive honest to god this but gnome really threw me on a He threw me on a bender When I walk for uh All right, keep it down. We're fucking having a conversation. I want this nine conversations going at the same time What I walked in he goes, hey, do you want a whiskey?

To you. Yeah. But on a cigar, he does not know. He doesn't, if you're not an addict, and you're one of those type A personalities, you don't even respect the addict at all. It's just like, it just doesn't make sense. Why can't you have one?

Why can't you eat what you want? Why can't you have a beer? Why can't you have weed? It doesn't make sense to him. But it's also the same way, like, the way people without OCD disrespect people with OCD, or you're just like, just walk in, why do you have to turn the lights switch on five times,

you know, because I'm gonna freak out. Right. But it's like that, under, misunderstanding. Yeah, I know, but it's, it's, it's, it's, if he caught, I mean, what if he caught Joe on a bad day? I'm just have one, it's like that under misunderstanding. Yeah, I know. But it's it's it's it's if he caught, I mean, what if he caught Joe on a bad day? I just have one. It's what I got it. It's on me. Whatever you want. You might fucking take one. And then you ruin your life. This food binge that I'm on. I did three months with no carbs, no sugars. Right back to, I mean, just binging. My wife went to, she went to the store the other day.

She came back, she's like, what did you eat? I'm like, nothing. She's the monk of finding out what the fuck I ate. Within under five minutes, she went, you had cereal, sausage, salami, and cheese. That's an interesting combination. It's a fat, it's a binge is what it is. It's not a, it's a,

let me eat people, she's out, let me just fucking, I want it cereal, I haven't had cereal in three months, and I had cereal, and then I was like, oh, this is salami, I should have, it's like, it's a fucking addict, it's like, if there was coke and pills, I just, I do it all. Don't we have to take some responsibility ourselves, mommy? I get offered drinks every night.

Absolutely. Absolutely, I get offered- My heart's relations are in your sobriety by the way, I haven't seen you since. Oh, thanks, I get offered drinks every night. Absolutely. Absolutely. I get off relations on your sobriety By the way, I haven't seen you since oh, thanks, but it's five months today. I am. Yeah, congratulations on five months Yeah, but look man, I don't I get offered drinks all the time too. I've been sober 30 fucking years What be with booze and drugs? But food I'm in the midst of it dude. I'm not sober right. I'm not sober. I'm like I had I had you know I had three months and I fucking relapsed over a thing of mac and cheese and I can feel it in every it's fucked in people who aren't Fatty's don't get it. I get a lot of emails from guys who are

Understand this stuff and like I've gotten their shit together because just of talking about it with the Nutri Bulletin all the stuff that we got, that we talked about on the show, but it's a fuck, it's a nightmare. And at this stage in my life without cigarettes, it's worse than ever, it's worse than drugs. It's at least the same as drugs were for me back in the day, which is I don't wanna do it.

I went down to the fucking donut store. After I got pizza and all I needed was an okay from my wife. Did you have like heart flutters on the way down to the donut shop with your heart beating fast? I get mad when I got there. But I mean, you get that excitement that drill like when like a fat, it goes to get coke. Yeah, dude, I listen, this how fast I went out of the house.

I went out of the house. I live on in house kitchen. I went to 14th Street in 7th. I took a cab to get donuts. Crispy cream? No. It's a 24 hour donut shop. The donut, the donut den.

I found it too. I didn't even know it existed. Didn't there used to be a crispy cream right there? There's one over there. I don't know if fan of crispy. I like cake donut. I like an old-fashioned cake donut. I like, they have the donut factory next to the Gotham comedy club. You ever go in that place?

No. That place was close. Thank God. I would have fucking been in the hospital last night if that place was open. They make mini fucking cakes. I went down. I go in. I got a t-shirt, I got no socks, I got sweatpants. I walk in this too little fucking, you know, the girls who use like in every other, like, um, like, um, I don't know, maybe you'll, can I have that one right there? And, uh, I was fucking hoffin' and puffin'. Ffff. Over these two fucking dildos. I don't know what this guy behind me is such a bad, fucking problem.

I was mad, because I'm half a donut. Because as they're ordering, I see donuts leaving, they're not making new donuts, until like five in the morning. So I'm like, you better not pick my fucking coconut crunch you can't. I got, I kept going, give me two of those, two of those, two of those, give me that.

I felt like Dom De Louuze and Fatso. And while I was at the bakery in front of the cakes, and there was all the little chocolate dots on the cake, and then they cut back, and there's one dot missing. He actually ate a dot off a cake. Sugar is addictive. The added sugar that is put in food is addictive, man. It's like a drug. It's terrible. And the carbohydrates, the carbohydrates are addictive.

Yeah. Oh, well. Yeah, I'm the friend who's in. I'm being facetious. Oh, why? Why? Why? I like, I like, I like, how would you do that? Why would you do that? I just like, I like, Yannis is beanbag knowledge, where he's just like the guy that's slumped into a beanbag in a stoner's house. He's like, Hey, man, you know, sugar is a super addictive. He's Brad Pitt and Drew romance. He's like, you haven't left that couch in months.

Dude, I get comfortable. I don't know. That's what we do in Brooklyn. We just get comfortable. I'm comfortable. And it is, I've never knew how addictive this was. I know, I've pushed up in a food addict, and it's ruined my life.

It's fucking fucked my life, guys. You don't understand. I've lost parts. I've not gotten further in this business because of my food addiction. Do you understand that? Like I've had people not give me jobs because of my weight.

But you've also probably got jobs because of- Nope, nope. I got jobs. No, because it was never like a fat guy role. Do you know what I mean? It, if I was, even look at, even if it's the up, it's the up and the down. If I was just one size of Dom De LaWise was fat,

but he was just the same fat as whole career. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, the certain guys that are like, Brian Scalaro is just that guy. You've never, you see me, I'm different mother fuckers every couple years. You look like the fat brother of the dude you used to be. Right, but one day you'll see me next year and I'll be thin again, what the fuck?

That's fucked me, that's not good for me, that's not good for my heart. And I can't stop and the older I get The the harder it gets because now it's it's my thing cigarettes was my thing I could just smoke coffee I mean smoke cigarettes and drink coffee and I could it could I'll be fine. I didn't eat I'd work out I used to fucking run miles up mountains and shit and come down It's let up a butt and now it's like I ordered a pizza last night and then I had fucking donuts

Until I went to bed. How did you and the baby comes that'll be your thing? You can be addicted to your baby I do here's a thing though is that I please let me not pass this shitty if it I, I don't know if it's genetic, I don't know if addiction is something. My father was an addict. I don't know where it goes before him. I know my father can't. It is, it is genetic, yeah. Okay, I don't know. I, it is, it is and I've heard both sides of the story.

I just hope if it is, I don't give it to my son. I want my son to have my wife's everything except the lips have great lips You do I do I have pillow lips. I want to kiss those lips. Wow Still he said like he's asked me before and I said not yet What about Joe's lips Where are they What my lips? Lips are better than you make sense. I have nice ample. No you don't

Ample you just go your lips ample I have normal very normal lips Small I don't have pencil thin lips Black people make fun of white people they make your mouth big. Oh yeah, oh Taxes Raising your pamlet. I mean you're gonna do zings. You're gonna have accurate zings I've crooked teeth in a small my lips are very normal. You're gonna. I'll about it Let me see a lip show Right now. You let me time you look hang on one second. Let me see a lip

Yeah, if we put lipstick on you we'd have to make an upper lip like a portion of it Your lips look like side will like my lips You literally don't have an upper lip. I got a big fucking lip. You have a big bottom lip. You have a big bottom lip. I had a softness. You have a big fat bottom lip. We kiss.

I kiss everybody in this room and I let you know. I'm not kissing a man. I just watched behind the Cabalera. I'm not kissing a man or you. How was it? It was really good. I'm gonna watch this one. Yeah, it was really good.

I saw it, it was great. It was unbelievable. I mean, Cabalera? No. It wasn was unbelievable. I mean Cabalera. No, I wasn't Cabalera Cabalara. No The girl this is the game. Can the labra can the labra can the labra can the labra behind the candle labra Candolabra can the labra right? Condolabra sounds made. Jesus. How do you pronounce it? The Liberacci story. Yeah, behind the cap Behind the cab behind the cab. Laura. It's being a labor. It's behind the cab. It's behind the cab. A liberal. It's the fucking

rich boss story. I was behind the cab. Okay, go, babe. I had a sucker guys cock behind the cab. Shut up, stupid. How long you been in the business? Give me a cup of coffee. Look at your hair. So anyways, yeah, I'm red. Did they address the stuff on the movie? I read this thing about Liberanci is that He was really good at piano, but he sucked on the organ So present, present Yeah, that's for you Joe Good old Uncle Joe joke

The other thing with the other applause, it goes on way too long. Yeah, it really does. I can't help but I'll get the joke. All right, check it out. I'm very excited. Me, Lewis J Gomez, Kelly Fistuka, the YKWD crew, or at least some of us. I'm gonna be heading down to Fox Woods, Casino. June 27th, 28th and 29th.

That's one show, one show, and Saturday, two shows. Late show is a nasty show. We're gonna have a couple special guests on there. So make sure you get your tickets now. Go to my website robbercallylive.com. That's a Puerto Rican drive from by my house. If you were wondering, it's not my music. And I know why I gotta listen to music,

that fucking loud in your car at 3 in the afternoon. Jesus Christ. I've got beans, that's why they can't hear. How long would you say? Anyways, I just made that up. Puerto Rican people can hear from fucking racist. So anyways, go to robbercullylive.com for tickets.

And then don't forget, I am going to be killing it up in just for laughs. I'm bringing the podcast up to just for laughs. If you're in Canada, if you're going to Montreal, just for laughs comedy festival, you better get your tickets right now to all my shows. Spread the word. Whoever the fuck's up there, fan wise, I want you to spread the word. I want you to get people out there,

spread it on Twitter, share it, tweet it, Facebook it, Vine it, Instagram it. Buy my tickets now, I'm doing two hour shows, I'm doing the nasty show all week And I'm also doing the podcast up there So buy the tickets to my hour show cry like a man up in Montreal and then By the tickets to the YKWD show Okay, I'm gonna have Colin Quinn on big J

It's gonna be an awesome show. I'm gonna have Nick Turner on the on the podcast So go to just for last website and buy your tickets today If you live in America and you live up. I can't it up Montreal get over there It's very short trip get your tickets go up there. It's gonna be a blast It's one of my favorite things in the world to do is the just for laughs comedy festival so And I just I just signed on to do Toronto I'm excited about that too. So make sure you get you tickets just for laughs calm and comics Fox Woods and now

I'm fucking just rambling Until I find my way back to garage band you cock suckers robbercatalive.com For all my dates and info make sure you go there tweet it spread it Made me famous I'm kidding just fucking buy some tickets spread the word Dude you go to my website, then there's bomb tickets Facebook Yeah, so I'm done. I think I'm I gotta I gotta I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to go at this like a fuck drugs And alcohol I might have to go to meetings I've got a friend of guys to I'm scared of that though. I don't want to fucking I don't want to do that

I'm I'm I went to the same meetings for five years. The same meetings Monday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday for five for five years. I don't that was a that was like a lifetime of shit that I did to change who I was at the core. now I might have to do that again and I'm petrified I got a question for you. Do you like eating a lot or is it the sugar? You have a sweet tooth Which I like eating a lot man. It really makes me feel the other night when I ate okay It made me forget about my stress. It made me forget about all the shit on my head You understand I have a lot of shit going on right now in life. And, you know, I'm fucking freaking out. And not in a bad way, I don't know what way it is.

I've never had this responsibility, this impending responsibility, this impending life changing situation that's about to happen. You know, there's gonna be a day very shortly that I'm not gonna sleep through the night and I'm gonna have to take care of a life. Yeah, but you know, there's everyone who does it

has fields that way. Yeah. And then once they have it, it's like the fuck nature takes over. Absolutely, but that's what I'm talking about. Everyone, huh? Like 60% leave and don't do it. I'm talking about white people.

60% people do a great job. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Not all white people. Let me vouch for us. You ruined it with the just kidding. That was the line of the day. Joe gives himself a line of everything.

He really is his biggest friend. I'm not even gonna get in line of the week. No, I fucking, that was hilarious. I had to give that to you. I just in case Sadie Doyle was listening. Oh, you're just a proponent of rape culture, Yannis. You're a racist. Racist rape culture, Yannis. You're a racist racist rape culture Now right back to the high percentage chance that Bobby will be a bad dad

He's gonna be a great dad Ryan just now you may Ryan fucking so much more comfortable Like turn yeah, exactly It's like shitty wrestling announcers. You know what Joe you say that say that in joking, and I know that I'm gonna be a good dad. I understand that. You can be great, though. But it's the time from when you, when she, now, until the baby comes out and I become that dad, I'm kind of, like, let's go, let's fucking go.

Well, here's what I wanted to bring up. If you like eating a lot, why don't you try just eating a lot of fruits and vegetables? I've done that. It didn't work? No it did work. I lost 20 pounds when I did that. And it's great. And I'm trying to not,

I'm trying to change the way I eat, but I slipped back into my old habits with, you know, all this pressure on me, I've been snapping a lot lately. I've got, I wanna, I don't want to fucking snap anymore I don't I have to find another outlet for the anxiety Rather than fucking anger rage or food or what are the fuck I have? Have you thought about yoga or bonsai trees? I just got hypnotized by Dan Thin index finger

Jesus Christ. Bobby, you have Joe DeRose or run for his money with that one. Don't you wanna say that? Well, I was gonna say it, but you talked over it. As usual, go ahead. Have you ever heard of this, have you ever heard of this adage one day at a time?

Joe, exactly what I'm saying to you, and I know that maybe a zinger's coming, but. It's not. That way more than one one at a time that You should eat that applause button Anyone noticing that Joe has no sympathy for you I mean I'm trying to get you together every day at a time Maybe he needs some fucking tough love over here because he's projecting all of his fucking bullshit that he's doing on no Over here because he's projecting all of his fucking bullshit that he's doing on gnome

And somebody has to step it up and fucking tell him this fight fucking asshole It's all gnomes fault that he was at a donut shop. I get offered a fucking beer every night Dude, I remember when you know, but he's back and you hit him a beer, please whoa Way more laid back than I used to be listen, you're absolutely right I remember when you were on my back. Can you hit him a beer please? Whoa. Just get it. Way more laid back than I used to be. Listen, you're absolutely right. It's the same stuff with the program, or one day at a time, keep it simple stupid, all that corny shit that they-

That's not from the program. Keep it simple stupid. It's stupid. That's from a- Yeah, absolutely. That was from the Clinton era. Yeah, keep it simple stupid was from the program. Back when I started, we used to say it to you all the time.

But I used to go to meetings with iron workers. It was me and fucking iron workers. I'd talk too long, they'd go, shut up, kid. You don't know nothing. And I'd just be like, scared. But no, you're right, Joe. It is. It's as basic as getting back.

That's exactly what I said is, do I have to go back to the fucking basics of when I got sober? Yes. And that's what I'm afraid of. Don't be afraid. I'm afraid of when I got sober. Yes. And that's what I'm afraid of. Don't be afraid. I'm afraid of the responsibility of it. I'm afraid of the work.

I'm afraid of it actually, I'm just a fucking scared, I'm a fucking afraid man. I'm afraid of a lot of shit. You should be afraid you're about to have a kid and you're an addict. What should I say? Are you afraid? Is this all fear from your child about to be born and it's just translating it?

bubbling up in the food addiction Yeah, absolutely yeah, absolutely here's the thing though. I looked at like your video I looked at your vine yesterday with you and you chicken your car driving to the city Yeah, and I'm like man. I remember not giving a fuck like just you guys are gonna live my life You guys are just happy You're doing comedy. You don't live over your means. You have an apartment. You guys help you live together and You just having fun. I somewhere I Put myself in a position to have to

Have to go on the road, have to, you know, take maybe gigs at a wanna or do things at a wanna and I know that's coming, it's like. But that's what work is, that's what life is. Yeah, but it is life, but it gets. It gets dick. I'm not a dick, why would he talk about dick? I was fucking opening his heart, man, he's got brains,

he's got stress, he's got problems, he's about to have a kid. I Think I'm the only one helping to be perfectly frank It dumb fucking wet coat Hey, that was racist. I think but a wet coat. Don't call me wet. What do you mean? Yeah, I don't understand what you mean What do you mean like what do you what do you mean? I think he's being a little hard on you? I think you need some I think I've not been having that's what, that's what, I love that. I love that. You have a job, of course you have to do things you don't want to do.

That's the fucking job it. Here's the thing though. He doesn't respond well to that. One guy, one guy's being honest, one guy's actually being nice and perfect, neutral Dan isn't saying anything. What is honest and what is honest? Sometimes. I think I'm being honest and nice.

Follow the statement, silence is golden. I, I think, I don't think Joe's being an asshole at all. on his hand nice follow the statement silence is golden I Think I don't think Joe's being an asshole at all. I appreciate what you saying. Just trying to make good radio I get first of all this isn't ready Stop back like you're on Howard Stern He's laying on a couch like he is. Yeah The the I understand what you saying Joe you're absolutely right, but it's, it doesn't take away that I'm in the thick of it right now. I don't know if you remember being in the thick of it where you couldn't quit, where you tried to quit. Where you're at five months of fucking, this is awesome.

You know what I mean? Where I, that's great. I wish I could be there with this. I'm not. I'm at the fucking, I'm dying. I feel, and this, sometimes it's the only thing that saves me is fucking, you know, cause I sexually, you guys in a stand, I've been a sexual creep my whole life. We do. I could always do stupid shit, you know, get a massage or meet some chick, get a, that hunt made me want to stay in shape. Maybe want to look good. Smoke and cigarettes. All that shit kept me somewhere in that middle where I didn't get too crazy. It's all gone.

I only have happiness. True happiness. That's all I have in my life. And I know, right, you say that. You don't have it. Right now. You don't have it. You have excitement still. Yeah. You'll chase and pussy. now. You don't have it you have excitement still

Yeah, you'll chase and pussy. Yeah, you get to smoke weed. Yeah, you get to fucking You don't have a mortgage. You don't have a family that you have to I know my dad's dead. Yeah, he's dead Because of this no No, I know and you know what I'm closer an age to you. So I know that's why I'm viewing Joe like this because I feel like Crazy they don't understand what you're saying dude I kind of more understand what you say because they're young and it's all up potential and there's not How old are you? I'm 47 years old Very well

It's a diner food. Yeah, oh that better chase So I'm too young to understand it. No,, because what I'm saying, when you get older and like you've been there, done that a little bit, you got to find a new horizon. It's not that easy to always find a new horizon. It's going to be your kid. You're going to have your kid and then, you know, you're going to put energy into your son.

I feel like this is probably all natural. Besides their addiction to food, the stress and everything. Yeah. It's all part of the natural process. You know he's his, isn't it? It's always nature. I think it is natural. Of course it is, but it's the not being in control

of, and it just spirals everything else. Like I was starting to wake up every morning and sit down and write for two hours. Sit down and just sit at my computer and come up with some. And I did it and everything was going good. And then it just spirals out of control. One thing, just fucks everything else up. And now I wake up this morning, I didn't wanna wake up.

Like I was in a depression this morning. I wasn't a fucking, I'm fucking in my early 40s. And I'm still, it's like, what, I don't have time for this shit. It's almost over. It's almost done I'm gonna be 50 I'm gonna be 60 my kids gonna it's like What the fuck is going on man? Get your shit together. That's exactly what it happens. They call it out of midlife crisis That's what everyone everyone and everyone has one at some point everyone has one

I bet I think that's a midlife crisis crosses for him i think that's just a midlife but you know i know that after that midlife crisis the way he was being eating all weekend's catching up to him emotionally now like now you feel in the pain i agree with your endorphins fucking went through the roof because you're so happy i was eating

the done the number left we want to do is to really help it wasn't it's not happiness though that's just a chemical. That's a chemical rush I agree with Kelly I agree with Kelly but never use if you split up the word weekend again into two words I will smash you with a mic we can't How have she said is no violent tendency stories women? Why would you say that? No? I know why would you want to do right coach? I tell you no sex no struck Kelly Yeah, we hit me in the back. Did you notice that?

That's like last time, I think it's Ryan's fault because Don told her to, she's called her stupid. No, she said, it's a Mohawk, you dummy. Yeah, she goes, my dog has a Mohawk and she was making fun of it. Like, what is that? Don goes, it's a Mohawk, you dummy. Fuck it hilarious. I'm gonna know where she was a pregnant and pretty't goes it's a mohawk you dummy Fucking hilarious

I just look pregnant pretty and then all of a sudden yeah, well Bobby you got to dig dig down deep man You got it you got it you got it I think you got to know that it's time to set a new horizon Maybe the new horizon is I want to be the greatest comedian that I can be and then you focus all energy back on that You also have real stuff in your life like you're talking about how we don't have real stuff But you do have I don't mean to say but I'm saying but you understand what I'm saying I know that's what I'm saying. Yeah, you have you have bigger you have real responsibilities I have different I have listen my responsibilities are emails Yeah, like if Dan doesn't pay his rent while he's just light on a rent check if you don't pay the mortgage

You don't have a place but you're all your rent is five bills by the way. It's well. Yeah, it's 675 Yeah, I mean, but It's, well yeah, it's 6.75. Yeah, I mean, but here's a deal. If my, if I could live with roommates again, with my wife and kid, that'd be awesome. No, let me tell you something, financially, to have to, my nut every month, I mean, that's what drives you to make that money.

You have no choice, I believe that, but. Make money, make money, make money, make money. But you're also gonna be way more fulfilled. It's, it's, it's, Ellison, I am, but the process of getting from where you're at, to where I am, to where I'm gonna be, is, it's been such a fucking hard metamorphosis for me to get there.

It's like I used to be this piece of shit. Gorgeous though. I used to be, even when I was fat, I was just pervert. Fuck, now when I jerk off, I'm like, do I want my kid to find this on my iPad someday? Do I want, I mean, like, do I to keep fucking jerking it to some crazy shit? I see what you say. It's like, I'm being ripped in two different directions. Yeah, I'm a comic or am I a father? Am I a comic or am I a father?

Or am I fucking, am I from Long Island or am I from Brooklyn? You got my room. I'm going to tell you, you're rich. Rip completely in half in two different directions, so one of them would sort of be like an ideal weight At the bus is that for the bad stuff contributing to right culture. That was a good one. Yeah, okay I pulled away for the mic. It's too long Smash about the elephant the room but but Kelly no I'm sorry. No, I mean like Jesus here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's, here Yeah, so you get to a point in your career like when you're young and you're hot and you're fucking everybody It's so easy to be happy. It's so easy to not drink when you get to a point When you've been in the business a while and you're successful But you're not at the fucking peak of the cone, you know, it's very easy to have triggers

Fuck you know, but in five years I may start fucking drinking or some because I may not make it to the pinnacle You're not gonna but we don't know if I may not make it to the pinnacle. You're not gonna, but we don't know if... But isn't it a little about the business? Like on this fire is really unbelievable. The fact, like Billy Burke came over my house for dinner the other night. My wife is an amazing cook. Oh, like, you were gonna have me for dinner, that's fun.

Oh, like the American Chop Seer, I was supposed to do that. He's like one of the few guys who broke through to that. Wow. A little, you know, the top. He's at the top. A top? That doesn't mean he's happy top. He's at the top. I was like, five eyes up. That doesn't mean he's happy. That's not what I was gonna say. Let me finish what I'm gonna say before you give you a fucking

speech, Martin. Martin. Say, yeah, it's fucking. Well, you understand that when he's eating, you're watching him eat. And he's the five percenter. It's like, yeah, he punched me in the head. And we know.

I'm not looking at Billy the way you look at him. I'm not as my friend. He looks doing his podcast, Janice. He still you look at him. I'm not my friend. He looks do his podcast. Yeah, I see so sounds miserable Listen, that's not my point. You're fucking My point is this he came over my house to the night. We had this beautiful rose pork dinner Registables and cauliflower mashed potatoes Cool, that sounds unbelievable. It's fucking great. She and he has one serving and then he goes nah, I'm done I'm done. I would love more, but I can't. I always eat like shit on the road,

and I'm not doing that. I'm like, holy fuck. That's what I want to do. So just do it. It's not as simple. Memo, when you were quitting drinking, Memo, Memo, you try, he was like, I'm done. Yeah. Yeah. And then you know, I was, and then all of a sudden you drank again he was like, I'm done. Yeah, it's true. And then you always, and then I'll be sitting you drank again and you find yourself shit faced. But the same way. Don't ever point to me with those fingers.

The thumb. Thank you. I'll give you the Clinton thumb. Thank you. But the same way that you're describing how you felt after you were eating and like that you were just super depressed and you were just done with it, even though you had the weekend where you were getting little peaks of feeling good

because you were just eating so much. That's the same way I felt at the end when I was drinking where I was like, I'm just done with it even though you had the weekend where you were getting a little peaks of feeling good because you were just eating so much That's the same way I felt at the end when I was drinking where I was like I'm just done Just making me bumming me out too much I don't want to do this shit and I felt like when I stopped drinking it was the escape like it was like it felt good You know, let me happy about the the Liberace movie the butt fucking no That and the fact that they had weight problems. No, okay. The fact that I was like, oh shit. You know what I mean? Like, oh, he had weight problems.

I love when he walked out fat and they were in, they went to Paris, really. He was what happened. They moved to Paris for a while and he got really fat. This guy's Scott in real life, this would happen. They went there and he, Liberace was such a foodie. They just went there and he just got fucking fat. And then when he came back is when he tried to fix Scott.

He fixed himself and he fixed this kid and this kid got addicted to drugs because he has that addicted person out there. That's the part I related to the movie. I was like, oh my God, it makes me happy when I see other people. Also grew up in foster homes. He did, yeah.

So maybe there's a hole there. But that's like when you, that's like when you're heartbroken, you listen to music and you hear a song about heartbreak and you're like, oh, fuck, I identify with that. That's the same way you're doing it the weight problem. Like you're going through this. No, that's absolutely not even the same part.

I'll sit over here. I'll sit over here. I'll contribute again. I'll sit back over here. Well, it's, I don't know, it's, it's a, I'm, it's such a hard thing. And I keep saying in my head that once this baby takes, like I have a beautiful yowser fucking treadmill

that yowser fitness hooked me up with, in my apartment, and I could just hit the button, and it falls down to the ground, and I could work out for 20 minutes it falls down to the grounding and I could work out for 20 minutes and why don't I? Why don't I go home tonight and get on the fucking treadmill and walk for 30 minutes and watch a movie? But you don't have to worry about why you're doing it today. Just do it today. And don't worry about doing it the next day.

Can I give you advice as well? My thing with exercise is that as soon as I get home, if I don't automatically put my gym gear on, I'm not working out. The minute I sit down, if I go have some to eat, sit down. I'll just for a second, I'll do, I'll look at my emails.

Did you forget your gym gear in Australia? No, I mean, I join the gym, I've been going every day this week. You know, really? You look good. No, I'm not lying, I have really been going to the gym every day. I was lying.

Yeah, I know, you were. But no, I'm saying. I'm kidding. Just put the gym gear on straight away. Don't stop. Don't check emails. No phone, nothing. Because that just...

Do you understand, do you understand every time you show up somewhere, if someone comments about your weight, whether you look good or look bad? Even the good. That last time is all you look bad. Do you understand what that, you understand that? So so every time you come in hey man, you look good That means the last time I look shitty to you. So now I look better It's it's it's it's of our job. Yeah, but it's a fucking nightmare

It's been a constant nightmare my whole life and I just wanted to end and it's been food It's been my weight gain in the loss. You're gonna have to dig down deeper than the normal person is. I think that's it. Because you're always around shitty food. I think I'm adjourned at it. I think I'm gonna have to go back and go to meetings.

I really try. You can't do anything by yourself. No. You can't. You just can't do it. You need help. There's no way to do it. Some people, I know there's some guys out there

that go, dude, fuck you, I do it by myself. There are some guys out there that just have that fucking brain. And I get so jealous of those motherfuckers. I get mad at God. Whoever the fuck he is. I get mad at my life. You know what I mean? It's like, why me? What the fuck did I do? Like what why can't you just give it to me for the rest for this half of my life but look at all the shit that you can do that no one else gets what you got a fucking successful podcast you're a well-known comedian there's a ton of people that are killed to be where you're at you know what Collins says keep walking around and see a guy in a wheelchair and think about trading places and I push him downstairs and yeah yeah what are you talking about? Yeah, that guy, you're being a fucking asshole.

The guy in the wheelchair, fucking has people waiting on him all day. It's fucking, almost people fucking, people with AIDS, people that are doing the fucking heroin and... I ain't gonna try to be college and fucking failed. No, I, I, I, I grew up in a college, I was a great, I was a great, I fucking disagree. I agree. Oh yeah, it's just, I'm just. Oh, yeah, I'm not saying that Joe that's not what I'm saying

I'm not saying no stop stop no, I'm not saying I have a shitty life. I have a horrible life Why me God I said sometimes Joe okay? I'm I'm not saying that I'm saying they're going why me go I Said I said sometimes I sit there and go, what the fuck man? Can I be like that guy? The guy who's been the same way his whole life that doesn't can go out, have a couple beers. I understand why.

I'm not. I get that. I'm just saying sometimes it's like, what the fuck? For this half. Because it's not fair. Life's not fair. I agree just saying sometimes it's like what the fuck For this half because it's not fair life's not I agree but you you I mean you've done this before that you have that in your corner This is that's done before you have to accept that you're not that here's the thing that you have I have to accept Yeah, good also you have to get in perspective that it's a fucking shitty problem and it sucks and why God and at times but it evolved the problem it's very low on the fucking list of all the things I feel the same way with panic disorder and herpes and alcoholism

that they're all brutal things that I had to deal with and getting edited off a fucking TV show but they're fucking brutal why did you edit off a TV show because I'm a white heterosexual male. What do you want to show? What show? That's not my understanding. But all those are brutal, but then you put them in perspective. They're all not, they're problems that are hard to deal with. And most people don't understand what panic disorders like. Most people don't understand what a food addiction is like.

But in the grand scheme of things, you could have got fucking ass cancer and AIDS. But we're not dying yet, Joe. Yeah, you're gonna get those things too, but not today. And it's about today. Go work out today and fucking one day at a time. You got a great life and you're loved by everyone in this room except for Janus clearly. I just have a, I can't feel. You have a nice wife at home. You got a nice baby in your belly and-

Not me, it's a dodge belly. Oh, you're surrounded by love and then- I know. I'm just trying to express, this is what I'm trying to, you gotta agree. I understand that the life, I am grateful. I love the thing that when I say all I have is happiness, that may sound weird. Like what the fuck else do you want?

What I'm saying is I don't have the excitement anymore. I took that excitement out of my life because it was hazardous to me. It wasn't good for me. And sometimes when you're used to living your whole life through the excitement, because that was the pain killer. That was the thing that killed the pain that didn't, you understand? That was the thing that it's now of a sudden you have happiness. It's hard to stay connected because you you wanna just go chase that excitement a little bit. You wanna just get a look, because it's quicker,

it's faster, it's better, it's a better high than happiness. And it takes less work. It takes less work, and so I understand that. I get that, you're absolutely right. But I'm expressing that too, because I know that there's people out there, fucking truck drivers, or whoever the fucking dude in this house in the woods who's a fat

fuck or a fat chick. And you know, Kelly, you're the same way as me and you eat like the same. And it's, it's, I always feel good like I said when I saw that movie that I saw that that other people had this addiction. I came, you know, that Liberace was a fatty too. But it's, you know what I mean? Yeah, because you're, you're sympathizing with it, because you're going through it.

It's like whenever I read a biography and someone's like, yeah, my dad left when I was a kid, I was like, oh, cool, this guy turned out all right. Looks like I'm not gonna be a fucking psychopath. It never goes away though. That's the, that's the shit, because you can see the end of this. Well, that's the thing is, he said it.

I somehow lost the perspective of accepting who I am. And who I am is I'm a fucking broken toy. And I get so mad because I hear people, dude, you're not, you just gotta, or you do, and you gotta do this. And that's, just get up and do it. And that's not who I am. I'm not.

I'm a bottom hitter. That's what I'm saying. I'm a guy that fucking bangs his head against the wall. I'm an opinionated fucking asshole That's wrong a lot and as anger issues and a temper I have the biggest heart in the fucking world I love a lot of people and and I fuck up a lot and it's hard to accept that That's a fucking mismatch mismatch of all the shit and it's you know, sometimes you just want to be that guy

You know, you want to be Superman. You want to be the fucking guy. And I tried to do that with pussy and chicks and drugs and alcohol and food. And now I'm sitting, I'm like, I want to be the dad. I never had a dad. I'm going to be the dad before I get a dad. What the fuck is that?

That's how life works. That's it. So. And also that little rant just sounded like the end of a romance comedy We're like it. I'm just asking you to love me back I don't want you getting on that train to Chicago. I'm not gonna go Dan. Yeah, I love you. I love you too Go eat a pizza. Oh

I'm gonna be honest I'm gonna be honest There's gotta be I'm with you man laughs. I'd always be like that and especially us Yeah, cuz y'all this looks like a crazy conspiracy theorist with his hair all mad at up from the rain and dumb Pontra. Are you conspiracy theorist? I wouldn't know I would know I would not call myself a conspiracy What is that? The lizard people you live do you do you do some comm trails and shit? No, no, no, no, that's real. There's two of them that are fishy to me and that, that, that, that, what? JFK's assassination, fishy.

No! I love. I love that. I love that. You know, they made a movie about that and they solved it in the movie. Yeah, well, whatever it is is fishy. And here's the difference between me and like what you would call it. I'm gonna link my rap to the puzzle case.

I don't draw conclusions. I just say something doesn't smell right. You know me. That's fast Is that is that you're saying? Yeah, that's coming back to you never been fucked in the air That character will you'll keep one of the favorite characters in any movie ever is the best? Yeah, you look a man Jim I gotta watch that movie again. It's my favorite films ever. First time I ever watch it. It's a Joe list in the department. I just want to say Bobby, I think all your fears are natural and I think it's really great and admirable that you're voicing them to 50,000 people. Like we do as comics. What he honestly wants

to say is can we switch the subject to anything about him? Can we? No, what do you? I was just talking about Bobby. I have something to say what do you got boy i'm here this is the kind of you have to say it in six seconds ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He's so fucking fast Listen first of all the rye actually He actually when he I said why you come on the show he goes can I please me on when when Joe and Dan are on And this is his dream come true podcasts I'm a shop liver. Yes, because you look like a poem. That's it What about the chub liver? Yes, because you look like a plumb. That's it.

I thought that whole episode was an actual whole episode. Literally, that's it. That's all he has. Ah, I'm not mean. What are you going to say, Roy? I was going to say that all these flaws and quirks and addictions. Ah, six seconds.

Have made probably played a big role into making you a great comedian. So these are blessings in a curse. There are tools to be a great comedian. It's not enough. He knows that the guy that can say no after one sitting of food doesn't have substance like he does, but it's going to be something else. You know what I mean? He's looking for a surgeon. but you should see these problems as probably tools that have gotten to you where you are in your career. Because every other way he seems to have a fuck that past or like, if not me, Joe perfect.

I said every great comedian. Hit the button. Hit the button. I'm not hitting the button because you can't have that zing after you just tell me He's a big fan and he's gushing You can't like this my dream is to be on a show with you. I think you're the best But you're sick White is fake right on I always does always do it with the zings, but using him back Cad fucking I can't really can't take that true

Kelly there's a feminist somewhere who just got a lot of Kelly. I don't first of all Who did I pat down Kelly tell him like it, first of all, with that iPad down Kelly, tell him like it is. First of all, we've had this discussion before. Yeah, you are a bitch. Through a roast. I love being shit on the thing with the lips. I think there's an art to Zings. I don't have abnormally small lips.

Yeah, you do. And we also literally, the sentence before was, this is his dream to be on a podcast. So the Zing, it's been made from a... Hang on way hang on make a point and I'm not calling calling

if you're gushing over you doesn't at way the fact that he still zing you there's separate sentences yeah right our natural reaction when I thought it was talking over fucking people

our natural reaction when he's in you everyone thought it was funny you tried to stop you're like no no no that doesn't count I retorted yeah, but no no, no, no, no, no, it was a retort. It was a tort. You know you you don't even know what you I know it was Kelly Google retort you objected a retort is there like a rejoinder look what you did Ryan You know what it was look how you broke up this family. I'm not following you on vine anymore. I did have respect He's Jack exactly that's that's correct. What is that? Well, yeah, it wasn't

great. What is that? Kelly's right dude. Joe didn't respect the joke. You can sing, but when you get zing, you get fucking sense it. But you know that's not true. I'm laughing. Yeah, but it just happened. But here's the thing. It just happened. Just careful that one. It just happened. I've got a second. Can I? Can I say something? Can I say something? What you did, okay, first of all, is that you took your ball and you went home. You can't decide to do that. If we all as a group say it was funny, it's funny. Now you can say, I don't agree with that, but you're making it into like, now we have

to have this. Every time you don't disagree, when you're making it into like now we have to have this every time you don't dizzy when you Disagree with something not funny. We have to sit down and discuss it We liked it. We all laugh structurally sound structurally sound He set you up and then he tore you the fuck down I'm a big fan, but and then you hit him with something and then he fucking zing you right back It was a perfect fucking thing and then you immediately try to steal it the thunder of it by going at doesn't make sense it that you got literal if i can't see you you can't see me yeah you don't get literal with somebody who tried a joke that's like an audience member going

what is the audience going like this i don't understand that I don't understand it It doesn't make sense to me. I know it's a joke. Well, I don't I don't get it They don't know the shut your face and laugh. I don't laugh I I don't like that I like the Kelly has some fucking unto she fucking snapped Kelly does not let me let me just like the fuck Without she doesn't like Lewis without stepping all over Fucking yeah, I'm Greek I yelled it for step it on people I yelled it I just shut it right up. Oh you yell it over what

Hey shut up Kelly gets I'm telling them Kelly gets Kelly gets sopping wet when it turns on Joe Like she gets so excited when it's like when everyone starts going after Joe She's like oh a lot these so much Flick in her bean I like I like hang on a second. I like when Kelly I'm not I don't want to say I like when Kelly gets mad at Joe's Specifically I'm saying I like that Kelly like that's the Kelly that should be on the fucking show Yeah, you're not nice Kelly pick up to your fucking self. Don't let these fucking losers always beat you down Well Jesus Jesus take it easy. And also, I like Dan and Joe. They're friends of mine.

They're not losers. How can you take advice from me, Janice, when he looks like a community college professor right now? It looks like a science professor at a shitty college. Hey, guys, welcome to Gendry's. Hey, ladies. He looks like a tow-booth guy right after he got off work. God, I told you.

I listen, first of all, poor Rhydone was in the middle of saying something. Did you have a point? And then you fucking, he said he tried to be funny and we went off on a tangent. I think I understand what Joe was saying. Joe writing, like, actually you shouldn't set it, I set it up poorly, but.

No, you didn't, no, you didn't. But we're shooting the shit in a podcast. Here's the thing, you did fine. Okay, no, no, no, no, no you didn't we're shooting the shit in a podcast. You did fine Okay, no, no, no, no, you should you had five. Listen to me. You had five. I see his point Ryan Ryan's corporate me Ryan look at me. Seriously look at those lips Ryan. You have five You have four comedians you have three comedians, you have three comedians, you have three comics and Kelly saying, I'm kidding, you have two comics and a one-man show actor slash comedian. That's me, is that me?

That's me. So that's me, but you have all of us saying it was funny. Don't back down. You're fine. And Joe, is it even really mad? He's fine too. Joe's mad. No, he's mad. I'm not mad at you.

Who you mad at me? I'm mad at Kelly for calling me a bitch. Why? Why? Joe's up. It's cold. Joe's up. If there was a list of someone who put together all the things that I have been called

to be named, be little the last year, I bet my fucking act, my weight, what I sound like. Do you guys got what I got? You would not be able to take it. I am a lot stronger than that. Draw independent. Go, go, go Kelly, go. Get in here with her. I'm coming down to Grootchan. I'm Kelly go get in here girl. I got a

Gora Rape culture Oh, he's gonna know what you think man be trying to keep you down I'm trying to be proud. She's not a proud like Beyonce is some shit right now It's real Kelly's be real right quick I'm losing a little bit. Go ahead. You're a funny me and black people. No, I love Joe and I hate when he says it that I hate him. Why can't you just stay? Why can't you just why can't you just assume that and stay and defend it? No,

defend your thought. Why do you think he's a bitch? Because it cracks the shit when people make fun of him, but he's the worst one that given it. Well, the best one actually fucking called it. Do you think that's true? Absolutely. I've watched it happen many times on the show Great zinger You're roast you were good But wait a minute you're talking about a roast you can't bring up a like that here. You can't bring a roast up

You we talk about right here. We're talking about right. I'm talking about this is a different environment on the show You're a little territory about being the guy your little territorial about being the Zingai Your little territory all about being the Zingai. What does that mean? It means like if somebody else throws like a little one-liner thing. He's like whoa I don't know if I don't disagree with that. I don't I don't That's fucking absurd. I love them Kelly and my wrong all the time Bobby am I wrong? This is But the AC earlier is he wrong? What is the AC have to do that doesn't I'm hot is what it has to fuck it

Yeah, and I turned it off cuz of you So Dan turned it off let's say it's not about zing. Let's as Dan. I know is a joke. I it was a joke Of course it's not about it. It will explode like you have to take a stand. I know, it was a joke. I, it was a joke. Of course, it's not about a school. I had to explode, like you have to take a stand. I don't know, yes, now. Listen, all of you are very talented. Listen, what's bothering me about this? All of you lie to my life. Guys, don't worry.

Try not to talk over each other. My whole life is everyone zinging and shitting on each other. Right. You're making a thing, the opposite of what I did. Here's what I just did, though. I made a joke about the AC about you about why I'm gonna Take this side of it because you shut the AC off and you got serious and what I didn't do it. Dan did it and this has no Hang on here the way you had a thing and I said that was the line of the day

Hang on but then I said and you go the AC has nothing to do with it. Were you joking about that? What was that serious that part was serious? That part was serious. Yeah, but why would you get serious inside of, if you know I'm joking, why would you, why is it okay for you to get serious and become, that defeats the funny? Why should I even try to be funny with you if you're gonna get serious?

But when you say something funny, we have to take it. And it's funny, it's hilarious, and you're just kidding. Would you say he makes that? Why would you, oh, I don't think that he, I don't think he, I think Joe loves zingers. I don't think you hate when people zing you. I love it. At all.

It's what I love the most about life. Yes, I hate so. People fucking check in their phones and whispering during the show. What's going on over here, you little butt? Yeah, what was that? I was I didn't want to talk Oh, no, well you can how about this have patience? Go ahead go

Go ahead. What did you say? I just wanted it? I would well Okay, go ahead. He said this is Joe's biggest nightmare Everyone talking about his things and coming down on him. All right. I don't want to come down Joe. I don't want to do that. Joe's biggest fear is everybody not liking him Let's tell you this I would I'll tell you about it. I'm liking I oh come on Joe See you're getting serious. I would you say that I love you Joe. This is what happened with the gummin one This it's so fucking annoying because everyone starts going like this This is what you're doing when I am actually not doing that and there's no more frustrating It's like people saying that you're lying when you're not lying. You're lying

Bobby Joe, but you're right had something to say go. I can only in a voice I can speak truly as strictly a fan of the podcast That the ball-busting on the show it's well fucking drew me to the fucking. About the ball busting on the show. It's well fucking drew me to the fucking show in the first place. No seriously working class aggression. I would be listening to it and here you guys shitting on each other. I'd be cracking up crying at work thinking wow it's just like me and my friends hanging out.

Well here's the thing we're not we're way better than you and your friends. It's true. But no. Really good. It's real good. No, I think I think Joe has I think he gets it. I know I do not affording us. We're not allowed to have comedic license like he's taking everything

literally the most absurd thing. I mean it's fucking the knockers to say that. When Joe when Joe gets serious though, it's it's like I feel like he's a mathematician. He gets. I that is the only year. I wish you'd be funny. I would say really's a mathematician. He gets to be funny. That is the, I wish he'd be funny.

I would be mad at him. See, really, look at that. That was pretty funny, right there. That was mean though, he met that meanly. No, I feel sometimes if I try and zing, so he takes it as, he takes it like I'm being offensive. I'm like, I don't respect Joe if I zing him. Right, right.

Regardless of whether it's funny, regardless if it's funny or not, I don't care about the substance of the joke, but I feel bad automatically because it's like, Joe thinks I'll, well, Kelly's disrespecting me, and I don't want to disrespect to Joe because I like Joe, and I, you know,

I put him up on a little pedestal, I think he's great. A little. But, yeah. I've learned a little pedestal in the story. But I don't want to disrespect him, and I feel bad because I'm like, oh, I've just respected an elder. Hold on, Bobby don't wanna disrespect him, and I feel bad, because I'm like, oh, I just respected Ananda.

Hold on, Bobby's eating his meats. Whenever it gets stressful here, Bobby just reaches for something. That's okay though, right? Yeah, there's his meat. If I reach for that fucking box of French candies, we'll hold trouble. Don't worry, we'll protect you from him.

You agree with me? I think on this show, on this show in particular Joe gets a little territorial puppy in the zinc die and I think what just happened was Ryan's in the wheel laughed and he tried to stop it. He like objected like whoa is it like wait are you trying to get a kid with a baby? I don't know why. He has a baby and it's like no not the baby look at me. Yeah I think I made a pretty good explanation which Ryan acknowledged and no one else seems to know

We just tell me But why do you say wait right? What was the thing? I shouldn't have a knowledge it because Everyone was great except for Joe. I was literally no, he said second after we said no You tried to sing him what happened was you tried to sing him and he went back He said no, no, I said great comedians and he was excluding you We all laughed it was an organic joke perfect joke perfect I was a perfect joke and you fucking block you just wrote a blog about what he did you just blogged him You just say doiled him where I just try to analyze it and say wait a second this structure wasn't right his premise was all You just blocked him you blocked him young guy

I'm done. I'm talking to make his bones say blog them again a couple times eight nine times I that's good writing when you're repeating it over and over again. It means it's good joke. That's black writing Oh, I'm kidding, but I love black people. I love black people Where's the love? Blusible perfect timing where I thought the timing was off was the previous sentence Bobby going Ryan wanted to be on with Dan and Joe because he's a huge fan of Dan and Joe that's where I thought that the next sentence was you guys a great except for Joe that's where I thought the timing was off well similar to let me I say I'll talk about a Louis CK the great

Louis CK why is it a great special when you a special he did a bit about his goldfish dying of old age and then is very next joke He says humans are the only animal that dies by not getting eaten To which I objected where I'm like the previous joke completely contradicts that joke But that's why I stand by it license. It doesn't have to be literal. I mean why are you trying to know Ryan? Ryan do you agree with you said you agree with Joe? I know what he's saying But it's I don't think it's in the right context I think like if I was doing a stand-up say it you'd be like, but you just said you you liked me I'll just have a new true to me. Hey hold on as the king of the I say something

Can I say something in my act? I go I love my wife so much and I almost cry. I'm like oh god But I've wanted her dead. I mean I go from one extreme to the other. Well, that's a misdirection. That's a misdirection. That's a misdirection. Well, I'm a magician. He was doing a riff. Then I'm doing a moment riff.

It was a riff. It wasn't a written joke, Joe. It was a contextually, it was anchor like context. I like it. I like it. I like it. Someone get a bottle of water. Let's pour them down.

Wet jacket. It called me a wet jacket before So wait, so you're saying in the context Kelly past me the chocolate show in the show on the podcast You were making the thing because it was there. Yes, which is what you did Accurately he got hit he threw one back. Yeah counter punch counter punch it By the way, it didn't happen after I zined you we can go back and listen Yeah, you said six seconds. You forgot I was here. That was a week guys want to go back and listen No, it was a god though. We're always talking about this to god. No. No, yeah, we yeah, we are Joe it wasn't way earlier. It was quite a bit earlier. No, it was not way early

It was about six seconds. It was about six seconds before Joe guys Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's just completely ripped off Ryan's a guys Wait, what happened guys so much shit what happened was Joe zing Tim yeah, and it hit and we all laughed and I was actually Crack and I'm going that's like look now he's disengaged and I've been tired. We've been doing it for two hours No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Get me the chocolates if you're gonna drink. Kelly suck my ass hole. Well, I jerk off. What you should do is just leave it to the fans. Put it up in a post and say, you vote, was it a good joke or not? I think it was a good joke.

We all laugh. I like Rhyduans joke. I like the joke. Yeah, I like the two. Can we recreate it? And I also like Kelly calling out Joe on being too sensitive about it. Thank you, I like that too.

I appreciate that back up. Oh. You know this is what I've been waiting for The fact of the matter is the fact of the matter is I'm getting paid to do comedy tonight and tomorrow in the next night The WBC bitter champion of the world Next night. Currently, the WBC bitter champion of the world, hailing from Boston by way of a story, weighing in at 135 pounds.

170. With a mouthless size of a golfer, he is the current staying champion of the YKWD podcast Joe Whoppa Who am I fighting? And in the red corner Where's the button? Why do we each get our own announcer?

Because you... I didn't steal it, I was holding it, you can't Oh! And his opponent! In the red corner! I do like the result of our own analysis. I do like the result of our own analysis. They're two different characters.

They're two different characters. For Hailing from the Lowry side by Way of Australia with Titset a combined weight of 632 pounds, known in a homeland as the mouth of the South. Currently, the open mic bucket runner up is hella meat and cheese and fast sugar. Helly meat sandwiches and fast sugar! You all have been given to the announcements, you all have been given the rules in your dresser room.

Now come out singing, let's make this a clean thing. I don't want to sing anyone singing below the way. No bringing up psychic hits or turning mouths. Are you ready? Are you ready? No, let's sing! It's broken! It is?

Living in America. Oh, shit. Shit. Okay. It's broken It is Oh, okay, I want to point at one little thing that you're not a content Ryan was the one who zinged him why is he I made? The thing I was retorting to the thing. Let me just now my knowledge hang on hang on hang on that I have a deep knowledge Yes, a professional wrestling. Yeah, so here's what this was in professional. Okay, this was a head

This was the final man. He says radio again hit him with a mic. Yeah, well We're showing his ages an old Brooklyn man She's gonna go on after the shadow It's just gonna play after the shadow I don't keep my kids up that late But I'll listen What's your name? Hello, my name is Moth. I live in the Park slope. I've known Yani since she was a little boy You guys did good radio back in the day. I did very good radio But now you've got the cusses. You say they deceive very like

Stay on dance The professional wrestling analogy of what just happened Ryan and Joe are the final match of Saturday night main event okay right before I said I was gonna come on and they're it's good Ryan does his finisher Joe does his finisher Ryan kicks out everything finisher, Ryan kicks out, everything's going good. Then Kelly out of nowhere runs to the ring with a chair. Right. And fucking, but our manager, Janice, Janice is there. It's time I go, come on, baby, come on, baby, you're not good, Max. But come on, baby.

And as Joe goes to the top rope to finish Ryan, who's on the canvas, about to be done. Kelly hits him with the chair and goes down and pulls Ryan's body on the gel one two So we all know the real match what setting up a survivor series right Kelly and Joe Kelly and Joe Joe's on brother love right now, and then Yannis comes out I'm Bobby heenid you are get Heenan. You are. Get Joe Kelly. You are the Joe. How do you feel about that? Joe, how do you feel about you fighting Kelly?

I feel like it's somewhere in the map match. Yeah. We even could do the wrestling promos with these mics. I know. Do you know what would have been the super star unlike other? Since he's came into the YKWD, no one is saying like Joe list. Joe list at SummerSlam. You take on Sloppy Tits, Kelly for Stuka. How do you feel about this match?

I can't believe they have me in the ring with this person. It's really, I can't believe it. He's not good with words, folks, but what he has been worth is things. Ziggins. The ultimate worry at it. Kelly for Stuka, are you gonna use your tits in this match? Which today gonna use the left bigger one or the right or title under your body for speech

Are you gonna be eating while you're fighting now just the cheese come out of your mouth when you think? There's a right to and I left it All right Then I just be the former one go. This is this is a great fight. This is a fight you wait to see This a fight well I said at home. I go this a good fight Me and Ryan can do the color commentary. I'd be the former boxer and he does the color commentary Wait, I'm color. Yeah, you see what's happening Joe. They're sharing voices Oh wait, I'm color. Yeah, you see what's happening Joe. They're sharing voices. Oh

Dan doesn't get all crazy and there's another there's another voice guy here. Oh, he's sharing a stage Where I try to do that you wouldn't share it. I don't know I love the Joe turns into an aristocrat He crosses his legs It's powdering up. What is going on here? You silly mortals all right. Well, I think what's happening is watching Joe's insecurity I could only be called a stew of hatred

Kelly and Kelly put the camera on me, please. Please do. Now, what's happening here? Oh, right, put it to vine. We only have seven seconds on chat. Work quickly. What's happening here? I'm trying to improvise something funny. Oh. Now, you're sitting there.

A younger man quickly loses his load. When he knows that silence is not your enemy, rather your friend. You just move forward, wait it, bait, like making love to a supper woman. You do not simply stick it in. You tickle. As my father taught me, Lickett. Your father was a drunk sot. He's a dentist. And he told me, lick it before you stick it. Right. He was with Migra with it. Kelly is the worst direct rapper.

She's going to just keep it here and then she'll slowly pan. You just pay for her eating turkey. I just like, he's right. The worst that he's talking, he's over here and then she turns to him when Dan talks guys can we talk about row again? Let's fun as fun. I was yeah, I have some questions about you guys are all great comedians Callback structurally sound Yeah, they waited long enough I look up to you and respect all of you.

But so I have an opportunity to maybe get some advice. And I know I'm a comedy nerd, and that's a big reason why I like this show. Maybe the audience is comedy nerds. Guys, I've been kind of offered like some actual gigs, but I think it's too soon. Yeah, the comedy seller, we were here. No, not that.

And we can move on, if this is Joe's back. No, not that. And we can move on. Joe's back. The truth is back. You can't take him out. You're checking your own pulse. I'm waiting to hear the rest. I'm trying not to be rude. The last leg is completely asleep.

So the audience, do well. He's back! You can't hold up to that for long fellas! He's not getting back! He's getting back! I'm not! You started getting back up again! Hey!

You're not getting back up! You're not getting back up! You're not getting... He's not getting hurt! He's getting back! He's got... BOOM! BOOM!

Joe! I want you to sing Joe your zigs are except I know what I'm doing I know what I'm doing hey your father you think you're like toss me down a zing And I know to good at this because you're like toss me down a zing All right Ryan what we all shit all right go ahead we don't want to talk about it. We can't No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, what the fuck are you asking that question? Some people, I've been told by some people like, you're too humble, you're not gonna make it in this business. Yeah, do that out of tune. If you can't do five minutes, now you should quit. My instincts tell me I'm not ready.

And I've had some comedians friends who like, don't do a show until you're in it for a year. What? I'm doing well so far. How long do you know I'm getting last? Good night, Nye. Not your natural comedian, dude. Obviously you got talent.

How long you been doing it? Like three months. What do you fucking manager from the 40s? Come on, baby! You're getting killed! You're a natural talent kid. Why would you come with me, baby? We are not everybody.

I can't. Cut, Metska. You ever heard of good Metska? Always they messed up Facebook. I love cutting Metska. You ever heard of Kurt Madskar? Oh, he's the best on Facebook. I love Kurt Madskar. You're honest, the sick of fan manager. Oh, everybody's the best. Oh, come on, baby.

We got room for one more, yeah. He calls you up in different characters. That's it. I got you a gig and the comedy stop, that's it. Let me see that back. There's a bunch of wide pussy there. I like do this character cuz I can say middle all the time And I can say ass pussy cuz that's what I do when I sleep I think the fuck my ass pussy Hey guys, I don't appreciate what you're doing

Oh appreciate that okay Sometimes I just wake up and my fingers in my ass See help yeah, don't do the game We take away everything Guys I felt like damn was about to shit on me for what you gonna say that? I go Kelly's going go at the five minutes., take any minutes. Oh, God, the bossa right now. I'll take minutes. I'll take minutes.

Chases and means. Oh, please. Let me have the five minutes. I gave you that one. Not you, do it. Don't ever do it. Yeah, do it. You fail.

You got to fail. Even if you bomb, you got to do that. You got to take your heads, take your lumps, and learn from that shit. All right. But, yeah. I'm definitely overexposed on buying People are like, where are your YouTube videos? Where's all your shit online? Oh, who gives a fuck about that?

Just don't get doing what's that mean? I mean your own exposed non Vine. I have like 40 minutes. It's not as humble as you thought it was. Yeah, but what does that mean? What does that mean? So you have 40,000 fuss. How's that overexposed?

What is it? Shows his dick. Why does Janus turn into a mob boss? Is your overexposed? So wait you? Show us this dick. Why does Yana's turn into a mob boss? Is overexposed. So I don't for wait, let me get the street. Now you got 40 to read the thing to do on vine you get followers. You got 40,000 of them and you overexposed. They are David. How's this fucking work? David. I don't like this. I don't fucking like it

either. You're backing up. I don't like this shit because it's not fucking right. It's what you do and that's what you fucking do. And then you let the rest of them fucking fool off whatever that. Go fuck that Spanish big bro, you fucking dough. Get out of our faces. This is Janice's jealousy coming through. I'm enjoying this.

No, go ahead. Oh, you're being a butt. No, because he said something that doesn't make sense. Over-expose not the right word. That's what you want to be, dude. You want that many people. You want that many five? Yeah, you have more people than me I like a tricky way to try to let us know that you got something going on

Hit the applause button for you guys guess what Ryan has 40,000 people on Guys you tell me this is this a bad thing am I over exposed? I got 40,000 people checking out my mom You got 40,000 right? Yeah, honest yeah, this I just got a development deal. I don't know what that it like 200,000 dollars is that bad guys This bad, but I have a pitch meeting with the president of Comedy Central Should I not go guys? I just found a gold bar. Should I give that bad? Is that bad should I wait I should probably wait? Know what I meant was hang on Joe Joe's the fucking greatest of all time that should be his nickname the greatest of all fucking times

This is to me to sometimes everyone's doing characters. I'm listening and then we have to stop and wait Joe Why are you I don't say anything I didn't say Joe I just stopped the whole talk I know I was just don't do the voice that was part of the deal just become like an SNL audition for three minutes no I just like 12 straight minutes of voices here let's try one this I can say British accent as well I like yeah that's like the equivalent of Ryan going guys Lauren Michael says he kind of has a job for me what do you think I shouldn't take it? Yeah, the only for comedy seller just gave me a spot. I don't that bad. I didn't even have to audition

That's why you said that then SD just take me guys that's 40,000 people guys my pubes like instantly turn into money Like and it just falls off into my hand Listen, I'm completely overexposed. So what what do you so you have 40,000? What is your question get to the your advice? What was it the do-commity advice? I feel like some I'm getting like a little Too much credit in Boston like you like oh, it's got a bunch of followers. We have momentum. Let's uh, let's give them a show But what if he's what if he's not right? I got offered a show by someone who's never seen my stuff. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Dude, you don't have to worry. You're white. Your heterosexuals are going to take a long time anyway. Oh, what does that mean? Just means Joe back me up. I can wear a tight t-shirt. Come on. No, I just feel like in today's world it's not a bad thing. It's just that there's a lot of us. So it takes a while to stand out. Yeah, man If you have a people you stand out easier if you got a what a people a People like a guy. Oh, yeah, yes exact people like the Spanish character you do has a people has a father and now There's not that many hilarious. Oh my god guys Spanish, you know, there's so when Spanish people Oh, this guy's great. Yeah, white heter jokes is, there's a lot of people doing it.

Right. And white people don't come out unless you're fucking have a catch phrase, get her done, or, or you're famous. White people are not that simple. No, but if you're famous, they are. They are. Yeah, they come out, not drugs. But hopefully, we'll all get there someday.

Three months, dude. Good luck, man. Well, you know, I wish I could get on a fucking show like this three months and well, you know, where were you? It was 1977, but you're on the show. You I mean, you know, I've been in nobody for 13 years Yeah, but you know what you've been to somebody for six months That's my first one today on my own show. All right guys, we got to wrap this up. The people are going nuts.

Yeah, right. Do you think, buddy, you're doing good. Don't flip out. Don't get weirded out by success on Vine. You don't think about good, bad competition, who, what, where. Just do it. You have a fun with Vine, right? Sure am. Just keep doing that. Yeah, just do it you have a fun with vine right sure am just keep doing that Yeah, just do it just keep doing that and I want to do stand up. I want to be voiceovers. You do for servers

Yeah, why are not making it into a fucking connection with Dan just hang out with Dan Both Dan around you learn how to be nice to every Right now. It's coming in the sky. I'd say you make it. I thank you honest for the honesty Here's what he does. Here's what Dan did. Dan, Justin, what's his name? Silver. Does his name, Justin Silver?

Justin Silver. Who's the other guy with the Yankee hat? Thin tall guy. The Ender Shirts. They all took a smile class. Wait, hold on. That's what they did. Let me see, this is where my instructor taught. That's hilarious. They all took a smile class. Watch him hold on. That's what they did. Let me see, this is where my instructor taught.

That's hilarious. They all took a smile class. Watch them walk into a room when S.D. or somebody big. It fucking doesn't, it doesn't turn off. It's. And tol, and tol, they're comfortable. Until somebody beneath them walks over. If this guy walks into a room full of beneath them,

he doesn't smile. He walks up cool cool if it's a bunch of people that You know what here's the thing. It's a good thing. It's not a bad thing That's it people make fun of it. It's called being an adult and knowing how to be successful in life I wish I knew how to fucking do it. Oh really? I tell you what you do not do it It's called naturally smile when you walk up the people you like or you don't like. You're not a fucking phony just to get ahead in the business, all right? I'd like to get ahead in the business. Robert. When you see me smile, it's because I'm happy. Not because I'm fucking trying to shmoos.

Well, that's not how Dan does it. He's up fucking shmoos up. Robert. Yeah, what Dan? I love being around you. You got such a great smile. Thanks, man. Thank you. You mean that, right?

No, I do. Absolutely. I'm just fucking get serious now. Der a great smile. Thanks man. Thank you. You mean that right? No I do. I'm just fucking serious now. DeRose is good at it too, dude. DeRose works a role. Yeah but DeRose has baby teeth so it makes everybody uncomfortable. His teeth, he never got his baby teeth knocked out.

The tooth fairy never went to Joe's house. Because, because he was adopted. Now there's a kid that grew up in fucking foster homes. Baby teeth knocked out. Not fall out, but knocked out. You fucking never know. You get to that age where you have your teeth knocked out as a kid. We are sleeping and someone hits you with a bar of soap and a pillow case.

I guess. Mine fell out in a turkey sandwich. Mine was in a milk tub. That was why I raised the sun. I guess my fellow Nutterki sandwich I Was raised the fuck on that note. Look. I write what do you got buddy? I got one I gotta give two three I was opening a Carnegie Hall Michael Cheype he'll be opening up for Michael Chey I call you all. I, people are giving Michael J shit

because he's... He's fucking funny though. He's skyrocketing. Yeah, but he's funny, dude. He's that next up early, like, couple of weeks, I think. He's there the week after me. All right, thanks for plugging that. Can you wait for your plug, you fucking...

We get it, you're headlining, too. You have a great 35 minutes. It's 37. When did fucking under an hour become headlining? What do you think? At a fucking real club. It doesn't matter. Do an hour. Be a man. Okay. I can do an hour.

Really? Oh yeah, Jan's gonna do an hour. Yeah, you can do an hour if you combine all the people in your act. Janus can do an hour if you give him a 10 minute guess buff. Ha ha ha ha. Sing hit the button. Yeah. That's a good one. All right, go ahead. If you give him a 10 minute guess buff All right, go ahead Follow me at on Twitter at me right do and I got to give some love to some of my my vine family All right, just real quick

My favorite vineer's Michael O'Priori Rudy Mancue sell Robert you like him. I like Rudy this kid Rudy What's his what is his name Rudy man on the on the vine right it down like it's an Oscar speech because he's never been on the he's been on the show twice as all good cut-ups and slack can I make these what absolutely go ahead I got a fucking got a speech written I read his fucking credits a lot of people winning these vines can you can you bring up right who's presenting the next award who won the award and now to present the award for best vine Ryan do go ahead fine alright so there's some hot vinyors in the

industry the jazzy's overexposed now that's okay so my favorite I like the girl smile on that one I like I like things I like the girl guys I want to share with you my favorite vinyors okay Michael Lopiore, Rudy Mancuso, Nicholas McGalice, Keeley James, Megan Siglone, Jerome Charles, and my boyfriend, Nick Macedon. Hi, Nick Macedon, if you're listening, I love you so much. That character made the name Nicholas sound like N word and lips My buddy nigger lips

I was like what is the funniest guy I know I Really did I really did sound like the end word I made up the lips part but Nika part did sound hey when when I said it sounded like it Shit all right, so what is that it? Yeah Rudy's a very funny on vine. Yep. I don't know if I said Jerome jar He did and there's tons of other these are all East Coast people all right fuck all them dude plug you fuck them All right, I'm gonna follow me on Vine, Ry, Dune. Yeah, don't plug. Oh, look at me. And I know you want to give love to people.

Love yourself, man. Oh, thanks, Bobby. And you too, Bobby. Thanks, man. You love yourself too. Thank you, buddy. Because we earned it. You make me happy, Joe, when you send me that thing today,

about your five months and how happy and better your life is. It made me, it made me like, that's why I brought that up today because I'm glad that you're fucking happy. And it makes me proud that I'm there for you. And that, I told you before, the fact that you're taking care yourself makes me want to take care of myself. And that's how addicts help each other. Yeah, so I was trying to do that earlier and Yannis is calling me a jerk.

He doesn't matter. He, you know, he was, I understand what he was saying, but I I heard you do I get you you find yeah, yeah You find also I want to I know we're going out at what I want to plug um dance soda my friend dance soda would be who's that Mix comedy stop shoot Was it was a thing cuz you were plugging other people yeah Yeah, we got it. And we're not gonna laugh at all them, but I like the bigger lips. Kelly, what do you got? We've got Foxwoods on June 27th, 20th, 29th. All right, slow down, say it in Americans so people can fucking hear the plug. And if folks would have to do this, I mean, how've never. How many at Foxweeds, 27, 28?

Oh, God. Can you do me a favor, Ryan? Will you teach her a new voice? My asshole's so itchy right now. It's fucking, oh, God, I just wanna bite my fingernail, make a little hang nail and fucking scratch it to the bleed. That's the sugar. Sugar gives you itchy assholes.

No, you didn't wipe his ass well, that was the good one. Thank you, that's what it is. I took a fucking massive albino shit that hurt my left intestine yeah i felt like i kicked in that's while i was shitting jive one of those absolutely not go ahead i was saved again so comedy at foxwoods in canadicate we got the twit those a 27th what 27th what 27th rite 27th june july fucking september you fucking

thursday twenty-seven right i'd be twenty-eight and then saturday there's two shows the nasi show uh... it's ten thirty and that's it who's on it for stokes uh... well it's headlining robber kelly featuring louis jay go with and i'm hyson the mother fucker you guys the fans of the show please come out to the spread the fucking word on facebook and twitter get everybody to go buy your tickets now don't wait You guys are fans of the show, please come out to the spread the fucking word on Facebook and Twitter. Get everybody to go buy your tickets now. Don't wait. Don't fucking wait.

If you're gonna see Dan, Dan Soda. Dan, if you're gonna see him in Boston, buy your tickets now. Get your friends. Get a group of them. Go now. Get them now so you can sell it out now. So you can just know that the fucking shows are packed up and tickets to cylinders have that fucking egg over his shoulder. I don't think it ended again because if you know he is crazy go now! That was multiple migs. That was true. Anyway you know what happened to him right? Yeah, he swallowed his tongue. If you could if your mouth was big enough you could know nice talking to you. I give you the band bandana see what again. I love things but my tongue is already in my

I said it didn't fucking work. I Stuck I said it give me the bandana. What do you want me to do you want a letter of apology? Wouldn't hurt. I mean all right. Well, I'll write it today. All right, please do all right cool Do you want it like there's a great? Do you want it on paper or is an email good? There's a donut shop. It's a great place to write it? That's fucked up dude. That's really mean Joe That hurt man boo The button boo no you can't you get this button. That was mean dude. You know what?

Yana's right. I know you're texting there. He's finding his manager. Oh wait He's not finding his dates. He's I gotta go guys guys I gotta go I gotta go rehearse for Tom Papa show Hey, I'm doing Tom Papa show Norton Bale I'm in the sketch fuck I should bail Joe your papa was good in the Kalabra behind the Kalabra funny real quick on that he came in with a purple paisley shirt on That night Sunday night and we trashed him so bad. It just got to the point, when you know you trashed something like,

and you say something like, what does that mean? Why would you say that? And I just went, cause you're gay. Everyone's like, you're right, he's just gay. Purple, paisy shirt, trashed him till he left me, Billy Burr,

and whoever else was at the table. And then I turn on the fucking Liberace movie in the area. Hey! I turn on the fucking Liberace movie and there he is. Hey! How's it get the fuck outta here? That's for real. Yeah Tom, check out that movie, Tom Papa's show. It's that, I think it's once a month,

or every once a month at the Village Underground, old school radio show, come to Papa. It's fucking blast. It's a fun show man, you wanna see something different, you don't have to go to brooklyn to do it uh... not that they were going to brooklyn not that i love it i wish i was invited once in a while you're all you got an open invitation that's not you do any Sunday we're

dropped by okay so uh... wild show you love it i took so uh... joe do you have any dates coming up uh... june 14th go it's go see me at grandma's basement, June 14th. The next night, go see Dan Soder at Next Comedy stuff. You serious? Grandma's? Yeah, yeah, grandma's, and then Nick's.

Okay. Great, make sure it's a no brain Boston weekend. It's a fucking no brainer. If you don't see these two guys in Boston, headlining, you're fucking stupid. Great. Dan, Dan, you can get it. Dan's gonna come over and do a guest spot on my shirt.

You get a two for one. Well, you get a two for grandma's is my spot. Yeah, love. That's right So go check that out make sure that happens. Yeah, honest. What do you got? I will be a Gotham comedy club from the 28th to the 30th get your tickets online Some shows are sold out some of them are not I will be hosting a new show on MSG Dan So does on that show premiering June 13th called the bracket on MSG my new show so watch that thank you awesome Kelly we got you again. I want to be at a comics Foxwoods doing a YKWD what I Mean I plugged in but yeah, we plugged them four times we get it nix The fuck do you want it again? You want to him to say it? Go ahead Dan say it grandma's basement June 14th

Nix comedy stop June 15th. All right. Yeah, see him. Go see Joe and I in Boston. Alright, fine. There you go. I'll be there. Alright, so Ryan Dune's gonna be there too. You should give him a guest spot, Joe. Alright, dude. I have like seven people in the show. Alright. Um, make sure you check. I have to make sure you can get your. Yeah, you can get the next guest spot. You can definitely do. Guys, we gotta get out of here. Okay, make sure. I'm gonna shut the fuck up, please. Make sure you check out the new comedy seller. When I'm in town now on Friday and Saturday nights,

I'm doing the comedy seller, and then we're all bopping over to the village underground. The comedy seller, the village underground. It's the comedy seller except bigger. It's the new hot spot down here so it's a fucking blast. If you love the comedy seller, go to the new club, check it out. You're going to love it even more. I mean, there's something about sitting in the small little confines and having a poll in

front of you and jamming in and watching the show and the top comics in the world standing on a trisket foot away from you. But the new club is just the same atmosphere except bigger. Same acts hilarious. So make sure you check that out. It's at thecomedyseller.com. You can buy tickets to either club. So if they're sold out at the Comedy Seller, go to the Village Underground Friday Thursday,

Fridays, and Saturdays. Make sure you check out all the other shows on Riotcast. We are the fucking baddest network on the East Coast. We got some huge news coming out in the next month or so for new shows that are coming out. I mean, Epic, it's going to be crazy. We told you before we're making this network bigger and better every year. The news that we're gonna tell you is,

is, is, is fucking crazy. I can't wait to let you guys know. But make sure you check out all the other shows because we have the Live From the Comedy Cellar, which has right now video, live video, while they're doing the show, you can watch it, and then you, they archive it. So you can go back and watch it again.

Right from your iPhone iPhone iPad or computer. So it's awesome. To be able to watch a show as it's going on and listen to it and there's not that much of a delay either. It's really great. So make sure you check that out. Make sure you check out all the other shows. What the fuck? My wife hates me. you sucking bed. Dr. Steve Eastside Dave Hammer fisting Bailey J show all the other shows the nerds Mad scientist party hour. It's a fucking crazy network. We're adding more shows this year. We're adding a bunch of stuff The free app iPhone iPad make sure you check it out. Here's some ads real quick. I'm gonna get through this as fast I can I know you're like eff I can shut the fuck up. Thank you for donating again. You guys the donating

I don't have a list in front of me, but of course Heather Graves and you know all you guys thank you for sending this stuff in To Bob Robert Smooth Kelly all the chocolates all we ate all the jerky. I think it's all gone Yeah, I'll see you death squad and also he sent me some chicken It's cook cook flavored seasoning. Yeah, it's called Cock Flavored Seasoning. It's chicken soul, it's the best thing in the world. You can only get in Australia, so thanks. All right, so that's for Kelly. Kelly, you take that home.

Thank you for sending all the stuff in to the network. Again, that 6, 7, 6, A, 9th Ave, number four, two, four, New York, New York, 1036. You wanna send anything to anybody on the show? Make sure you put a letter in there, and I'll make sure they get it. And go to ricast.com, and use Amazon button

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You know what I did? I'm fucking fucking the one, the one You know what I did? I'm this fucking, I'm suckin' You know what I do? You know what I do? Really, really, really, really, really You know what I do? Are you stuck in the stick?

You know what I do? I just don't stick in the stick Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face.