Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Hippo With It's Mouth Closed

Episode Date: December 18, 2017

Bobby’s joined by Yannis Pappas, Katie Hannigan, Big Jay Oakerson and special drop in guests Rich Vos and Dave Attell! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network. Riotcast.com You're waiting on a couple guests. uh... very excited to be back alive in the fucking studio finally finally the blob has come back to new york i was not funny uh... it's only a little bit more jacket you saw this weekend just got back from santa shut up with my jacket stop mentioning my jacket you make me insecure but my jacket on the rock jacket all i got all i want that rock

jacket we're in san Antonio, me and Mushi Mike, AKA a fucking Captain miserable. What the fuck? What the? My God, special guest, why are you here? I just stopped by. Ha, ha, ha. You do have it like that.

Well, here's the thing. Oh, is there a thing? I was at the, uh, I'm sorry. We get another chair. No, no's the thing. Oh, is there a thing? I wish I had to... Shall I get another chair? No, no, you just stop it, you fucking white guilt. I have no guilt, you're actually... I'm here, no, no. I should get another chair and you're like, I'll get it. I like your outfit, you look good.

Fuck off. I... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh Finsum Show's up But his dad our generation and their generation they're literally in shock right now. They're all like this That was rude right of that old man. Yellow though What is that old guy in the hat? Yellow the girl in the camisole? This girl's great at roasting right here. Yeah, she's fucking fucking what's in him right all her jokes? Who knows? I'm kidding She's awesome. She's good roast unbelievable. Um, what's so funny? I'm glad you came by

You fucking I was in New York. I had time to kill muzzle tough and I stopped I was gonna stop it to sell her Have a salad yeah Meet then go over to their gross battle. All right But and then they said Bobby's doing his podcast and there's no better podcast a hold on get a call What are you doing Dr. Steve? Oh god, I just call you to on speaker phone put him on speaker My Bobby's hold on put him on speaker put it all to the phone. Can you can you I'm on Bobby's pop just screaming they can hear you Put the speaker up to the phone There's just on the bottom of your phone you fucking rep. Oh, okay, like that like this

Like what can somebody not fat walk over here? Don't I hate that voice what doctor Steve you want to tell you what to tell you what the fuck and he called in Stern last week. I heard him on Stern. Oh, with that guy? With Dr. Steve. Why'd they call you? Bobby wants to know why they called you. Not like, I didn't mean it like that, but what

did they call you for? What did they call you for? Talk to your boss. Anyhow. He started to pour me. Got to see pouring. Got to see pouring. You're a fucking doctor stuff, or comics.

I'm calling my name in Hellman. It's starting too funny. It's not gonna... Oh shit. Oh my god, Voss, you are fucking funniest. Oh, he is a fucking... Well, they called me up. You click, click.

I'm listening to Stern. And I hear a familiar voice. I'm going, oh, God. I'm going to listen to I hear a familiar voice. I'm going oh God. I know you know listen to Oby Anthony He's anchored. He's just being dot and I got Christmas card. Yeah. Are you having a mental break? I'm having why are you going from one thing? Why do you think I know you've got a year. It's got to do a Dr. Steve. Look he said he sent me a bunch of taxes. Are you okay? Are you dying, dude? Don't tell me you have cancer on my fucking show. I'm kidding. Tell me that I'm this show, please. I would do it on shipper. What's that? What's

that? So I got a Christmas card from a Steve and his family. It wasn't from a, we go who was it from a Murray? We go who the fuck is this? I put a picture on, I put a picture on Instagram. Who are you? I think it was Dr. Steve. But wouldn't he sign it, Dr. Steve? The first of all, the card had his family on it.

Yeah. Yeah. So you just look at the photo, but I don't know what Dr. Steve looks like. Stop it. I don't know where you look. He's been in my house for Thanksgiving. Oh aren't you a lucky one? I've been wow what a gap I had a dentist one year Listen to my house. Where's the bomb band-and by the way? Why I Want to know what's coming I know

I want to have a fucking hand you're so strong. You said I'm strong. Who are the three guests? Well, we got big J's coming. No, I mean the three audience members. Well, that's Oscar. Well, we can announce these people. Let's announce some people. Who's the guest on the couch? What's your name, dude? Eric and Oscar.

And I was just letting you say it yourself. They're here to watch the show. And we have Katie is here. We got big J coming and we got yana's popus That's a good show great show when they get you all leave. I was just saying no you should stay I was just talking about I was a San Antonio and you were in Austin. Yeah, yeah All right, we'll move on Well, you know what you I sold I sold the most I So the most I've ever said to come off you can go ahead That's such a fucking 1992 joke I pour the back

Go should did you invented it? Yes, that was a year's a year's a year. You're a prime. There he is big J's here Everybody surprise we didn't hear you coming. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Vos just stopped then because he's got like that. He just came through. He just come through. He can just stop in. Well, you can. You can. He can. You have to have 40 years in the biz. That's fair. 20 more years, I'll be fine.

I was just in San Antonio. He was in Austin. But I sold actually good in the year. Did you sell there? Look at this club. I go to the river. They do. I don't do the real one don't do that when i do the

l.o.l.l.l. one the uh the big one yep it's a big cavernous club but the people that work there are fucking awesome great love them uh the uh rubin and the other guy what's the other guy Jeff and the wachit they're all great the ceilings in thirty feet high their their their back drop looks like something di Diana Ross fucking War back in the fucking six. Yeah, I was talking about somebody would talent. Go ahead. Oh come on Have you ever done oh really you're in the house of comedy and Anyapolis yeah, it's got a crazy high ceiling It's waitress. You feel like you're not doing well and the shows are everyone's like that was great

And like where the fuck were you you were going to show that you were loving it i don't know the people in the roof were fucking hearing it of the guy nothing i think i was the bomb and that where is it anybody anybody find it anyways who someone you've hiding it the guy does no advertisement no you luckily said you did radio. I did radio.

There was a radio station and the girl who does the social media hooked it up. I guess they she called them and they were like, yeah, and I went in great radios. What's that radio station? 99.5. Fucking dude. These guys were fun.

They let you come in. They're fucked up. They're kind of edgy. They're like cow head like my daughter. But he wouldn't he know the names, he just gave us numbers. Dude, he's been doing comedy for three months, cut him some slack. I thought he was your producer. Doesn't he know this? You don't need to do fucking stand up. No, but I mean, he wouldn't he know the names of the radio host. He's a Billy Madison. Thank you.

Oh, 99.5. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm poor five5 I hate the B of St. Antonio What's your least favorite rate? Do you know your least favor on the road? Radio show I mean I you know fire Speaking of that we had a blast last night. We have so much fun. Thank you last night a big J's here Fun I forgot I get the call from your girl, text message. She loves text message. Oh god, did your girl text message? You want to hear her laugh and talk?

You think you think of it for that text message? I love you girls laugh. I don't live with it, so there you go. Yeah, I did. She goes, you want to do this? I was like, absolutely. Walk in. You never know what those things gonna be

packtouse what was it live live village underground packtouse uh... and let me tell you something the fans they're great they're fucking great the last two live appearances i did with the ron bennington uh... at the hard rock those fans are so fucking great

and not your fans last night same shit about the last three support it's a cool thing with a networking though of everybody though to it's your fans to some sense all like one of the road you see the people come back it's a lot of people that found us through bedding everything from bedding ten areas to rogan to

you know arey stuff all those all those webs connecting everything right of it was to move over the boss move also this way you know right here I know it's a main it really is the fans are like yeah I'm gonna have this for the last couple years so it's like seeing it is there's not a better than me than after the show when they're all like dude big YKWD fan because that means there everybody's fan there you know but here's the problem. What's your problem? We're talking positive I'm gonna find the fucking negative. I'll tell you the negative right now

Stop playing that little finger at me. Listen to me. It's a bunch of me Honest is here. Welcome, buddy. Yeah, it's pop. You did a club. You get your sneak it dirty on the way here. I did. Yeah How's it gonna get a clean? What's up? What's the problem? You did a club a week before me. Yes. Where was it at? Just recently. Where were we? I don't know. You were there. Oh, no. No, in in a province town. I was in in province. Oh, no. Province. Province. Province down is the gay. Comedy. I know I can't get out of my mind. Comedy connection. Yeah. Comedy club. Best. One of the best. One of the best.

You worked for him? I worked there. I've worked there for, I think since he took it over. Yeah, it's a Korean. Korean Korean. Oh, that's a good one. When there's a nicest guy's on the planet. Yeah, right.

Dave, yeah. Korean Dave, that is it. Yeah, give it a hand. I know. Yeah, and he's married to Korean. Whatever. But they're, but they're, they're great. And watch them kind of grow and kind of mature

Oh my god, yeah, I think they're going out as they go and now they've got like Fancy put you upgrade the blood bar next story. Yeah, they open up another place I told them that this time I go. I said the same exact same thing. I go I'm really it makes me happy to see you guys coming here as young kids take this club over that was a nightmare to work wasn't said into it before nightmare. The guy who owned it was a fucking co-caddocked he would go on stage. It was a nightmare. These guys stepped in fans of comedy and took it over. Ran it right. kept upgrading as they put them money back into it now they owe the bar next door it's a restaurant and the order goes on stage is

the was so hilarious that i mean that uh... but you know crack laser he's the best of all of them i mean he is just come down as and i said i don't know you want to see my book yet it is my intro from right that guy he was i our headlighter tonight you know bobby slayton to kind of the same uh... that's what he said headliner tonight, you know Bobby Slayton, they're kind of the same.

Then when he was, I was I'm doing his club, I'll bring you, this story has been told. I'm going to break it down for us. I'm going to do it real quick. A big fight broke out. Oh my God. A club on a guy that got out of jail, got out of jail had his cocaine, get out of jail party in the front row. Loud. Da, da, da, da.

I have 10 minutes left. I'm getting through it yeah and then the guys talking back uh... great craig or whatever walks up to go shut the fuck up the guy goes who are you on the owner pal punches him bar room broke out and all i'm thinking is

how am i going to sell my DVDs because you know i'm going to make ends meet i kept the people there for 45 minutes you have to do the fight. And then I signed the DVD fight night, and I sold out. When he brings, we take you to press. He picks you up the first time. First couple of times he picked me up in a lotus, like pretty woman. He just shows up in a super uncomfortable sports car.

The first time he picks me up, I get a kid picks me up at the airport in the shit little honda and that we pull over to the side of the road just on a road and he's waiting in his little convertible Porsche he had a federal id brace a ankle brace that i couldn't leave a certain part of town so he couldn't pick the comics up at the airport so he'd send somebody to meet them and then drive to where he could like the the the town line. And he would pick me up. I threw my suitcase in his car. We went and did seven radio shows. Oh, yeah.

In the afternoon, he was on every one and he goes on everyone with you. Everyone takes it over. Telling you how to do radio. Is it what you want to do is you want to get it a bit quick and then get out. Now I'll lead you in. I'll lead you out. You know, I'll help you if you need me. That fucking cock sucker ripped me off for 300 bucks last summer was here 300 how how right that he left that was

your check he left it he left it no I was for shows that by no he left it check and then they leave the building can I get some jokes out without you fucking getting serious oh sorry I thought it was I felt serious love it was you. Felt serious. Love it. Love it. You just filmed Godless. What? Nothing. I don't know.

Did you just do joke-less? I didn't never saw that show. I didn't never saw it. No. Oh, it's fucking great. Guys, I love what you, Vos always does it till I stinker, but then it makes it like serious. Have you ever seen the show?

Oh, it's a good show. So forget everything. I forget all the jokes. Just watch it. I thought you really looked like her. I wasn't being facetious. Who else we got? And Janice Papa's. Papa's.

Who? Papa's? Yeah. Papa's? That's Tom. Papas. I'll go with it. Yeah.

Papas. Go with all of them. All of them. All of them. All of them. You said that's how I say his last name Yeah, it's very game showy yeah, that's what I'm going for it. It's nine Good to have you back brother. It's good to be back. Good to see you. Yeah, I What are you going? I'm gonna go down She doesn't get a she's her salad. What?

She's her salad. Why would you pick a word with so many season S's in it? No, no, no, that's that doesn't fucking get a house or sell it. Seas or sell that. I was fucking our ears up. You're whistling on a she's a salad. Seas or something.

Seas or. Seas or salad. Good. I didn a cuss. He's a cuss. He's a cuss salad. Dude, I didn't have a cuss. I didn't have a Sanford and a Sun club. And I went there. Stanford Stanford, whatever the fuck it is, Stanford. The first time I was sitting there, I'm going, he goes, hey, check out a bullet hole in the window.

They were, they were proud of it. Oh, yeah. But I was like, okay, I'm on stage. The, this is big. Now it's red necks. It's either like a guy with an MM Jacket on you know or a coke jacket Little church people or it's black like ghetto black. That's the crowd. It's it's fucking red necks and ghetto

No, no in between. Have you done the all different versions of where it's at to it's all different places? No, I've only done this fucking redneck and and and he would sit in the crowd He would bring friends and sitting on this guy. That's a good one. sit in the crowd. He would bring friends and sitting on this guy. That's a good one. Wait for this one. I know this guy. Oh my God. So the host is on stage and the black ladies in the back talking big table black jigs and finally goes, Hey, can you shut the fuck up stop being loud bitches. This black girl huge took a beer stand and threw it. Look at a thimble in her hand. Through what across the room, it missed his head by a centimeter.

He literally just ducked it the last second and smashed on the wall and cut the dudes who were in shorts in the front row, cut his shin open. Wow. Wow. Holy shit. Two white boys, one stone. Oh, my God. That fucking dragon, this bitch out. She's like, motherfucker, I'll kill you, you motherfucker.

And this guy goes, you guys ready for your headliner? Right. Right. Bring me out. No credit. It's nothing. Give it up for Robert Kelly. Now we've handled that problem. I'm on stage, you can still hear a yellin'.

The fuck, I look in the front, this guy is, you can see blood pulsing out of this guy's shit. I go, dude, he's, I'm alright, man, keep goin'. Tell some, I'm like, no, you're gonna die. That's like a fucking artery. Flash, moon, I ain't no faggot. Take this bitch up. I'm gonna give you. Flash moon, I ain't no faggot. Take this bitch up. I'm gonna give you a bubble gum.

I feel a field dressing on this motherfucker. Watch some show. It's so funny, back then I could handle that. I almost loved it. I loved doing Wednesday, Monday, and I had no life. What is that switch off? I used to feel that way too, I'm like, I'm a nice long gig and then you now you start going

You're like I want to go be in my place You build the life you built the life for yourself Well, we for did this shit This was our life hanging out down here and then going on the road somebody paying us to be in a hotel That was our life. Let me just stay there as long as I can now you built with all that money and stuff You took it and you built this awesome life for yourself, you kinda wanna hang out at it. Well, I know my marriage,

so I kinda wanna go Tuesday through Monday. But, sick of being home, being yelled at all day. Is she yelling you? Look at me, yes. But there is, there's definitive switch. Isn't there like a definitive switch in that though, where it's like, through comedy, I think, it used to be, when people tell stories like older comics,

we'll tell stories of like comedy was, like you work in the clubs, you get an hour together, and then you go tour around the country and stay at hotels and do all that stuff. And you'd wanna do that when you were like 24, 25, even 30, but now they're not booking you until you can put any asses and seats so you have to wait until you find that thing which took me to thirty seven

to get any asses so now it's like thirty seven i don't i certainly don't want to go wednesday through well here's a thing too you could put asses in the seat they want you to put asses in the seats you're responsible for that but they also don't want to be responsible for any press. You're right. So, so the social media, I got calls, hey, can he start tweeting or Facebook? And I'm like, yeah.

And then I go to the social media, and it's fucking, I'm nowhere to be found. So wherever it's fucking, and it's like a show that's happening three weeks from now, or a show that's happening after me, like they skipped the fuck over me. Whoever's doing the social media, maybe it doesn't care for me. You cocked.

I walked into a club, the advertisement one. I sent him a poster. And they went, who are you? I know. I sent him a poster. You did your own posters. Yeah, I don't post it. And that's great fucking credits.

Yeah. Whatever. I get there. And there's one little poster and it says, opian Anthony. They haven't been on the fucking air. But what about me? Easy.

I spent the thousand something, I spent thousand dollars on photos, took these great photos. I'll send them this stuff like on a ray of choices and they still pick a photo from when I was like on tourgasm. When I'm thin, you know know me disappointed like girls show up We can't to see that they little you talked about oh he looks good. I like I'm right next to him I've taken pictures and try I want people to send them out I can't go to a club that doesn't have the picture and you can find it online and you want to have a good picture roast

Me with long hair holding a fucking sledgehammer roast. I'm not going to be with long hair holding a fucking sledgehammer. Have you ever walked into a club and a guy or girl at the front? Doesn't know who you are. Stop, stop, stop. Go to the second one. The second one. That's barely the. What the fuck is that girl?

Don't attack Natalie from Faxillon. Oh, Mindy Cone. They're what it's still. I Cone, they want it still. I want to, I want to start a go funding for her, because she definitely got bullied. It's not fun, Jay. That picture looks like you do political comedy. Like I got some things to say.

That picture is, you're wasting all of your jokes on. Oh, look, no, there's a way better one. Well, we're starting out slow, baby doll. There he is. Where is he? Where, where, where? Oh my God. Boom! Why are you holding a sled, Kat?

Because he was at work. Right. Yeah, got my shoes. That's when I was, a day work was railroad built. That's right. You were a bad guy. Hey, hey, why? What the fuck?

Why, first of all, where do you get a sledgehammer? At the junkyard, did the pictures of it? Who are you at, Doug David Ops House? You know what it was, you know, it took those, um, Oh, what? I'm sort of blanking his name too. That is the greatest. Lamont, remember Lamont?

Listen, listen, yeah, I do. Listen, the best thing is his face though. Look how he's like, yeah, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, I'm. Listen, the best thing is his face though. Look how he's like, yeah, motherfucker. Yeah. I'm coming. I'm coming. It's a great angle. It's a great angle, by the way, to show where my chin hits my second chin and then a

nice clearing space before you see my neck crease. It looks like the back of my leg. It looks like you guys in red brace. It looks like fat woman elbows. I like how current you is just appointed in that old you. What is that? This version of you. That's me.

You want to see something ugly? Go to Rascals Comedy Hour when I had long hair. Oh, that's what it is. It's the worst photo ever. It's inside your new CD, the picture. That's the worst. It's so great. It looks like he's the anti-galagage.

Can I just say something though? He smashes watermelons with fucking attitude. Can I? You want to go see that guy? I can't even need this sledgehammer. I smash him and I curse. If you look up Rich Voss as the first picture, Bill Hicks, was that a real thing? Oh, no raffles coming out. That was well. Masham and I curse if you look up rich bosses the first picture bill Hicks was that a real thing?

Hey, come ask your question here at least you got what we sound real tini. Yeah, what just you do? What'd you just do? Do we sound real tini? Check my Oh, that is precious Holy that's how my hair grow buddy. Wow Jermaine Jackson Middleweight wrestler. Is that act did you use activator? That's how I grew like that? I didn't put it What what was the cheese? Why did you have doubles? You were two chains before this Cuz I was sober then why are you holding your hip?

You're still a little yenta. I was let me tell you something back then when I was single Let me tell you some we know why What are those pendants? What are the pendants? Negluses because I had I didn't get high anymore So I had to buy something. But what was the what was the little pendant? What were you? What were you? What was it to a star? Right? What was a pack? Why is that a hack?

Because you're Jewish. I got I'm kidding. But it's diamonds now. Okay. Uh, uh, uh, I don't probably a comedy and tragedy mask. Oh, no. There was a gold. Uh, there was a gold like, uh, I don't fucking know. It was, you know, they are. There's a goal. Wow.

The Jewish star and an Italian horn. Oh my God. You look like you talk, you talk dance, but not that good. Come down on Wednesday. I'll teach you how to do a cha cha. Naki socks off. You'll be the star at every wedding. Oh, throw a blanket. Fuck a handkerchief.

Okay. I'm both of us. Sounds real tinny. All right. Here's a here's a here's the problem. Yeah. Is that, and I know you're not even venturing into this because you've looked good since day one, you cock sucker.

Thank you. I, I, Mauricio is looking old. I, I tell you what, though, when I went to your house and I saw that photo on the wall of you, I couldn't believe it. Those vacation photos. Yeah. Well, here's the problem. You were a piece ass. This is the problem

At least you guys went from Looking like shit to you look good now. I went the other way. I went from being gorgeous to this Oh, but I'll never know what it's like to be young and thin and it kills me every day. Yeah, I hate it I never had that thing we just let to go through it and just be like Pretty I want to get laid and probably there's a big experience in my life. Really? You shoot a vacation photos to him when they were pushing him back in the water. You know what?

You fucking caught you fucking troll. Look at that. Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, I have many variations. That's the one they love right there. The way right with it. Take right to the right. Right to the right.

To the right. To the right. Where you think was? Where you were? Right there. Yeah. That's the one, to the right, to the right. Where you think was, where you were. Right there, yeah, that's the one the club. All clubs use that fucking photo and it bugs the shit out of them. How about the one the top right corner? Let's scroll down.

I've never seen your jawline. Oh, that was the bad. That was the picture when I was a 10. When I used to go out, Bobby. I was fingering the photographer in that photo. Fucking, I'm not kidding. I was fingering her. I know.

That's that face. I'm not kidding, I was a finger in there. I know. That's that face. I know who it is. It looks like you're fisting somebody in that one. Yeah. He was the next picture she's fingering you. What the fuck is that one under it? Wait, wait, wait, wait. We are holding your hand up like you're the fucking marshmallow

and ghost busters. That one. That one, yeah. Yeah, that I was the fucking marshmallow and ghost busters that one yeah Yeah, I was done On stage one that jazzy one to the last yeah Like you're a good person inside that's all that matter. Oh, it's a go through those Go to the one with the fists the fist look at the sexy one with the fist Oh, yeah Yeah, you guys want punchlines. I got punch lines Punch and one

No, no one left the one to the left left right left you fucking This is left look at that go to the one above it look at that. I mean, you can't get better looking ball guy than that. It looks like another person. What's the one above it? Well, all right, we're left. I like that. I wish there was hanging from a rafter. I'm gonna get that scoff around my neck now, I do it.

On a real question, I couldn't imagine being like, I couldn't imagine what, sitting down, all the ideas of things like that, where you wouldn't feel your body feeling a certain way. Is that a crazy change for you? Did you, buddy, was it such a slow bill? First of all, it's such a, I'm so leaving. Okay.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, which walks down, I'm gonna walk down with him for a second. I have to do one thing. You'll appreciate it. Not, it's for you, but I mean, you'll get why I have to go upstairs for a second. Quick, right think one thing. You'll appreciate it. Not it not for you, but I mean, you'll get why I have to go upstairs for a second. Quick, right? Very quick.

Are you going to get high? No, not even sort of. Okay. I am. I tell you what, I loved one. Here's the greatest thing in the world when you could just wake up and not worry about clothes, wearing anything, or going to a store.

You just go wherever you go. I could be in a store and just be like, ah, I get that shirt. And they'd be like, what size? I'm like, I don't know, medium, I don't know, whatever. Any color too, right? You can go. All shopping will make me want to like punch anything.

I had to go to Iterius. It's the worst. And I went to DXL because I had to buy clothes and you're in there and it's, the mannequins have abs. Like you take, I had to take the shirt off's, the mannequins have abs. I had to take the shirt off one of the mannequins and it was just a bigger mannequin, like Prometheus guy.

You know Ben Bailey used to be a model for like the DXL stuff. That's what they picture is big man stuff. It's like tall, tall broad guys. You got nothing to do with fat at all. Now they got DJ Khaled and what's his name? Yeah, yeah Is it T2 or T's or some is like a No, not T2 or T's hot T2 or T's from the Red Sox

Poppy David David or T's yeah, I can bend belly a model buddy When you can wake up and just put shit on and not worry about it when you can just go outside Do if it gets hot take your shirt off and not even think about it, go to a pool, do it, go on. I mean, I mean- Every time a fan hands me a shirt, I made you this. I'm like, well, I hope Christine enjoys sleeping in it. That's gonna happen. Because it'll never be on me.

Yeah, it's gonna make them hate myself. I'm still mad at my wife about this one thing. The last time I lost weight and I got down to that guy, right there. See that guy? That was the last time. That was my fifth, my fourth skinny right there. See that guy? Yeah. That was the last time I that was my my my fifth my fourth skinny right there. That was my fifth skinny. My fifth skinny right there. How big were you before these though? I was never this big. I got a 20 to 30 pounds.

You know, you quit smoking. You quit drinking. Yes. Yes. It's okay it's just the same thing with me My addiction is buying on Amazon or lottery. Yeah, but you know, there's certain ones are food I'm working on now obviously drugs and alcohol. Why don't you just what you know from from recovery into food It's not that fucking What's that? Love it. I love it. I love Amazon. It's the best thing ever. It's filled with colors. I'm still mad at my wife. The last time I was there went to a rubah. I got into shit. I'm talking and I bought I went and I bought I was at off-the-al-comedy club the week before going to rubah and I bought bikini I got

bikini bathing suits. I got three colors red blue and Canary yellow. Where all it was. And I was and I was so excited. I got four. I got black too. I and I'm like I'm wearing these because I just worked my ass off to get a six pack shred the V dick ab. Well, how old are you? Wherever that was. I don't know when that was, right? 30 something. Yeah. And I went, we get to a room, but I go, I literally take my stuff. I'm with, where's my yellow, canary yellow? My wife threw them out. Why even she didn't want her fucking quick. Yeah, she didn't want to clear a son on the

little query. I was on the beach. Canary yellow. Fuck. I was in shape. She threw them out. She goes, you're not. She goes, I don't know where they are. I go, you fucking said you packed them. They did this big. They take up this much space. There fucking bikinis. Ah, yeah, I'm just fine. What do you Rock O'Cefredi? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, that's enough of this dick. Buddy, but it goes back to that thing. Like, I never, that would have been a thing that I could remember being on the beach in Canary, yellow bikinis, just sitting there, fuck it. I used to put oil. I was putting oil on my, just straight up fucking

trapecanna. No sunblock. No, that's the fuck. I was fucking black. You, one of my favorite things, there was so many wonderful tension breaks at Patrice's funeral service But you when you got there and you go your first words were I know everyone's saying boy Bobby got fat. Don't worry I'll be back

Last words you go. Don't worry. I'll be back and I wasn't I haven't been I'm trying but it like you're you're you must not like being thin right? Wait wait what You must not like being thin, right? Wait, wait, what? Yeah, but tonight, man, I'm putting on weight. I don't like it. What's easy on? What are you about 24? Yes, yeah, exactly. Do you? I mean, but you're, don't, don't thin people like not like being thin. No, I like it.

I just, I just, I just, I do, I do, zoom, but, you do. Oh, yeah, you look great. It's a dancer. Really? Yeah. I'm always taking back by that to and thin people if I they also work really hard at it like you're like I wish I would have worked hard right when I was younger but I was also as a kid that was like the reward was always some kind of like oh we could order a pizza or

we could do like that like oh shit and you don't realize everyone's trying to be nice I've never heard something that as a father too with my daughter my daughter is gonna be prone to be bigger for but she's five foot eleven. She's big. She's five foot eleven. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, like tall. I don't look. I don't look at you as like like fat. No, but I'm saying for a girl. I just why worry. Yeah, you're husky. What what it was for me as a guy though growing up. Are you guys asked? He's what? Yeah, no, it looks Yeah, yeah. What the fuck are you fucking saying? I'm like a big teddy bear, it's fine. You know, it's cute in its own way.

It looks like I can protect you and love you. He would look weird skinny. He's presentable. Yeah. He's presentable. Well. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, you can present him.

I grew up eating garbage. I'm from the Midwest. Everybody in my family is fucking fat. You grew up, you used just had a good metabolism. I made it out. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, were you, did you have a eating disorder at all throughout life? Well, I just wanted to like get attention.

So I would start myself just a little bit. You know, just don't lack it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, bulimia. No, I just, you know, lay down. I just know what you'll cut her. Of course. That explains it. You shop at hot topics. Oh, God, I just, you know, lay down. I just, not you. Will you cut her? Of course. That explains it. Shabbat hot topics. Oh God, I wish.

That wasn't cool enough. Did you ever bat around a simple solutions for fat, like just puking after every meal or something? It's hard to throw up. I tried once. It's hard. I think I could pull it off. I go, oh, you motherfucker.

You beat me to it. I'm on a Mikey such an asshole. Just threw that joke out. You've been in shape your whole life. No, I was fat for a little while. You know what I'm doing? 2012, yeah. I was, yeah, I was poppin' stuff.

I was 225. Yeah, but it's different. I know what you mean, for sure, like getting heavier, because you'll get slim now. Yeah. But I mean, like, the kind of fat people are talking about, you're a fat man. We're talking about when you take your pants off

and your button mark is just embedded in your shirt. No, I was there. Yeah, I was there. 225. We're driving a car for a long time and you get a pain. That's a good looking kid though. You get a pain where your tits hit your belly.

Dude, no, that pain right here, we're driving for long. Buddy, do you understand that I was in my car and I thought something was wrong with me? It was literally my side fat, the wrinkle. It was a roll. fat, the wrinkle. The roll. There was a wrinkle. And it was a new, but I, it was new in my life. Like I grew into it.

That's what I'm always saying. I must be so bizarre for you. Like you're not dealing with any like, like an airplane seat. All these things that are just like, yeah, never a problem for most, for you growing up. Yeah. Most of your life to deal with that now. I'm be like, oh shit, airplane seats do fucking suck they say it is a nightmare

I said to a guy the other day on the plane I go see this area this is an invisible window yeah I'm not fucking reach over onto my side and what does he say okay why would you have to do that then he reaches arm off he was big and he was invading my space. What do you talk about? You shamed him? You shamed him a little. You're probably shamed him. You're probably shamed him. I'm all they fucking around. I got to realize. I got to plug before I leave. Listen, listen to our podcast. My wife, Paige, me on Riotcast, the same network. Yeah. One of the greatest shows on the network. Thank you. And we're also now on Patreon. Yeah. Patreon slash boss and Bonnie. Jesus fuck that slash was

a lot. Listen, here's a giveaway to you and I. I don't have to talk, but we have to look at you. Okay. Here. Swallow first. In a napkin and Boston Bonnie. Is it for Boston Bonnie? Yeah, Patreon. You ever do Patreon? You're starting, right? Yes. I told you about it.

No, you did. I told you and I said in the seller the other night I go, we're going to do Patreon and you don't swallow my. But Voss, we talked about it a lot. When I was like, dude, this is the thing that we're going to slash.

That was better. That was better. That was better. I swallowed. All right. Well, thank you for coming on I'm telling you have all star cast here. Are you gonna do roast battle again? Are you done doing it? I'm gonna do it again. Yeah, I'm busy now, but yeah, what are you are you writing for a show or something? Yeah, I'm blowing up. It's very Like what clubs are you meddling at? The audio's not going through on YouTube. It's not good luck. It's not very funny.

I'm going to follow Richard for one second. I'll be back in five minutes. Let's go. All right, go ahead. It's tailgating season, people. The man grade is a perfect gift these season. Gentlemen, don't settle for socks or some other crappy gift this year.

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Yeah, I just wanna pop over one seat, buddy, right here. Sure, happy, sure. Yeah, I just ran in. We have a technical difficulties on the actual YouTube page. I apologize, we are working it out. Do we need to stop and start over? Well, can you go on somebody else's phone other than your phone? Maybe your phone's magical. Use my phone.

Yani, yani, yani, yani. Yo, yo, yo. Yeah, I got a lot of people just I can't hear it on YouTube. YouTube. What the fuck? This is a real weight episode. We're talking a lot of our weight. What is all selected? Why are these all? This is all fucked up over here. The only thing that's up here. Yeah, but what is not being every fucking week, you know, it's crazy because now we have all these people

using the studio and they don't give a fuck. Yeah, sure. Fucking. Are we on air right now? We're on air right now. Yeah. right now. Wait, I hear it. Who's saying I hear it? You got some people are saying it's working. And some people you hear it. Yeah, some people are saying it's working. Some people are saying it is. Well, those people are trash. I hear it. Somebody just hears it right now. Somebody. Call here. Do you call Rob? Who said it? Who's trash? Yeah. What did you say? I said those people who can't hear it are trash. That's not true. They're also trash. They're good people. Oh my god. Wow. So it's getting heated. They're good bad. Ask me. What's getting just getting

done. All right. Well, let's let's just keep moving on. I have the audio here. We can always put it in. correct? Yes. That's right. Turn you fuck me. Let me find these idiots, we just didn't have their volume up or something. Ha ha. Yeah, yeah.

Christmas is here. It's I'm very excited. It's the first day of Hanukkah. Oh, happy Hanukkah. Happy Hanukkah. Let me do it. No, it's not looking at me like that. You do, you look like you can be Jewish.

Oh me? Yeah. J.Z.O. Jewish too. I'm a little bit of me like that. You're just you look you look like you can be Jewish. Oh me? Yeah. J's out Jewish too. I'm a little bit of a yanta. You have you have Jews and you have Jew and you? Me? Yeah. No, no.

No, just personality. Oh, yeah. Just personality wise. What do you mean? What do you mean? Oh, you know, I'm just you know, I'm like really midwestern, but I've lived in New York. So long people say like, oh my god, you sound like a New Yorker.

And I think it's just because I'm starting to become, I'm turning into an old Jewish woman. Wow. Yeah. That happens here a little bit. Oh, I love it. Yeah. It's part of being in New York.

Yeah. It is. I'm not from Boston, but I do get in New Yorkie now. Yeah, I feel like Boston, you influenced by the Irish up there, right? Everyone's a little Irish and down here. Everyone's a little Jewish. Maybe, maybe it is that. Yeah. The Jews in Boston live on the outskirts. Yeah. Boston you influenced by the Irish up there right everyone's a little Irish and down here everyone's a little Jewish maybe

Maybe is that yeah the Jews and Boston live on the outskirts like you know Sharon Mass or Newton Yeah, they live on the outskirts and then you know everybody else lives around Boston meant for some of the Southeast Dorchester. Yeah, it's not like that's to right. Yeah, it's funny. It's funny though that like Like the Jewish kids don't have that dough get the fuck over here kid. Yeah. They don't have that like inner city that's like an inner city boss. Their parents force them to go to school and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get them off the street. I wonder what my son I don't want my son to have my accent. I

do not want my son to go dad. Come here. He's growing up in West Chasthol. I have a fuck. He's gonna, you know, you're not gonna walk around with a leather coat in a sweatshirt and a chain. That's not him. It's some shitty photos. You got, must feel great not to have any of those shit photos

in there. Do you have fucked up photos? You look like you came into your own. You look like you look, you were probably very Back in high school. I mean, I I looked pretty I guess your photogenic is shit by the way. Yeah, like in person You're not as good looking. I have some weird photos of my website from when thank you so much. She's very pretty I'm pretty it was a joke. Oh, I gotta fucking apologize after every joke. Oh my god. It's 2017

Let everyone know you were joking. You're being a bully. Me too. I'm a YouTuber. I did Robert Kelly say you're a love user. The word bully. No, I have some weird because I used to do a lot of experimental theater. So if you go to my website, I have some. Whoa, same.

Did you? Yeah, I went to college for experimental theater. Oh, that's great. So interesting. Wanna move on? Wow. We'll text about it. Yeah, please do it. You can text me. You're fucking community college ex-ex-ex-a-bates. Oh, well, I did a thing with a candle in front of a screen. I did do a show on where we all got naked and we there was a bunch of fake blood.

This is not the ontological hysteric at St. Mark's. It's a famous. So glad Voss is in here. You wouldn't be able to say that. I had to walk her. We got all got naked. We dumped fake blood on ourselves and then she put cheese balls on us. The cheese balls was my idea. Thank you. Wait a minute. Why, why fake blood?

Why couldn't you murder somebody? It was. It was totally gratuitous. When did you? Why, what is that me? Why fake blood though? What was the whole concept about? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Wonderly woman in every character now. Ah! No, say I'll be the cops. What happened here? Well, somebody got in the core accident. Which is like a cheese ball. Why, you're bleeding, you're bloody all over.

I'm alone. Merrill Streetfish. What a performance. That's actually very Merrill. That's the great thing about theater, because even if, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very because they're act, they can't hold up at LOL or at these clubs on the road. You can't go up in front of anybody anywhere and do your act because they just won't, it's not fast enough, it's not, but if you go to a little theater for a weekend and you

can sell out and everybody listens and everybody's like, oh my go, you can take your time, you can just build up and have a, you know, one time. I stepped their fingers. Oh, no, yeah, but seriously, they transition out of that and I am so want to do that. I so want to just do a little 200 ciders, like maybe 150 seats and just go up there and go, you know,

just have ladies and gentlemen. Robert Kelly. Edim Burles, though. Yeah. Edim Burles, yeah. Walk out. Hey out hey how are you tonight get clenched in a plot and then do some type of thing tonight will be a journey yeah we're gonna go through many things together we're gonna do this together though my one man show called the four fats take you through every phase I got those called the four facts and the four dads.

Five stars, you know, the Scotsman will give you. I do want to thank the people that were actually commenting on me trying to lose weight. It's so funny, people get so mad at you. If you don't, like I block motherfuckers all the time now, I can give a shit, go fuck yourself. I Actually unblock somebody this week for the first time I had somebody do that you let them know that you're carrying your Reardon it don't care. You don't care. I yeah, it makes me so happy that they got mad Yeah, like they're like you fucking fat piece you block me. I'm a fan. Yeah, well, you know

It's sound like a fan you sound like a mean cock sucker that really didn't like me and you said I hope you die I don't know what fan,. How did you become a fan? They just want attention. Let's just try to stand up. No, I know the difference between attention. And if you want to come back and come back if you beg, I had somebody, yeah, somebody, somebody else came. Yeah, uh, uh, we'll ring go. Yes. Uh, he came to smoke. He's like, Hey, can you unblock Derek? I was like, yeah, sure. No problem. You have to be, you have to be sponsored back in. Yeah, you have to be sponsored by a good fan to come back in. You fucks up. You're both fans. I don't

have time anymore. Yeah, I don't have time. I get block, here's the thing. If I and I'm just saying nice shit, like, do you look what you want on my shit? Yep, yep, yep, I'm a fucking bald fat, depressed, fucking road guy watching a lot of people under me succeed way more than me. Okay, I have a mortgage in the three bedroom ranch in Westchester. It's a beautiful house.

Say some nice shit. Yeah, it's a beautiful house. I want to thank you. I want to thank the people that actually said a lot of nice shit about me trying. Irish affairs a great guy too. Yeah. He actually, we had a nice talk last week.

And we, me and Mike did good this weekend, didn't we? Yeah. We literally crushed bread when they let it to us. What did, what did Irish affairs do? Look, we just talked about losing weight. Yeah. He was like, dude, just do salads for two weeks. And I was like, I'll try it.

So I've been doing mainly salads. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We went to a restaurant. We asked for no bread. They sent us bread anyway. It was like, we'll try it. So I've been doing mainly salads. Yeah. Yeah. We went to a restaurant. We asked for no bread. They sent us bread anyway. It was like, we went to Texas Roadhouse because I want to- So the lovely place.

I love the salad is awesome there. They have your salad. I've died. It's never worked out. What? Cut out this thing that never worked out. No, it wasn't cut out for everything. I was just like, let's do two weeks.

Get all the garbage out of me. Yeah. And then the tonight show, doing the tonight show. So I'll thin out a little bit. You will lose a lot of sodium and all that shit. What did you eat? And what like master cleanse? I had a salad downstairs.

No, I just eaten salads. How about beans? I think beans and lentils. I've been having beans. That's a great food. Me and him went to some, all you can eat buffet. I've never seen So many fat people it was all fat people this all you can eat buffet Well of course, but yeah, but it was the plate was so high

Like it was almost like they had to know physics to put that much food on a plate And then there was just cream dressing all over the top. I do those heavy metal cruise ships, or even like the impractical jokers one. Like, oh, yeah, people do it. Those fucking jeez, the joker's cruise. It was like, I saw some people. It's unbelievable. I didn't know people can get that big. Yeah, it's like a bottom thing of mozzarella sticks and then start piling the food on top of that. Like nachos and they go. It's open 24 hours a day. The book. So like as soon as like a little room opens up in the stomach like I got to fill that it's so it's so

fucking tough and then and then what sucks is that you go online and some of them are funny though I have to admit that some of these cock suckers got good ones when you read him you're like hey not the fuck I was next to my my wife one day and I was it doesn't really shit and she was like That was fucking good. I was like I but some of these guys she get just gotta go you gotta go goodbye And I put the paper the I block all I love it I fucking I remember Patrice's block Mondays. It's my favorite fucking day ever Who's my favorite block Monday motherfucker? You just go through Twitter fuck you, see ya. And then Burke came up with that thing where I don't even

let him know. I don't even let him know. And it's like, you know what, you're a better man than me. He is, and these, like Lewis will read him and get his dick gets hard. He loves it. Oh, I love, he'll go to Reddit and just fucking read. I won't even open up Reddit. I always make the mistake of doing that for some reason. Somebody tweeted at you, he goes, hey, look at all the positive feedback you're getting to be a dick,

and then I go, Reddit, threat. First of all, if it ever says Reddit slash, and you see the first thing, because you can only see so much on the screen, it'll be like, Reddit.com slash opi, and then you're like, this is not gonna be positive. That's not gonna be positive. I look, some of those just find it,

David's help, but said by the way, if you want him to come up, have somebody tell him he'd love to come up. I told him just to walk up. He's like, Bobby might not want me up. Really? I've been trying to get him up for how long? Yeah, a long time.

He's so funny. Tell him to come up. What are you going downstairs for? I, oh, I picked up my, I suppose you would appreciate this. I got my iPhone X. Oh, yeah, walk you on the iPhone. Yeah, but I thought you had it for me. No. I thought you had, this. I got iPhone X. Oh, yeah, well, you want the iPhone. Yeah, but I thought you had it for me. No, I thought you had, this how fucking sad I am,

when you said dude, you're gonna appreciate it. I was like, oh, he's going downstairs to get me a gift. I thought you had like some type of gift, some bonfire, like shirt, or some type of swag for doing the show yesterday. Sometimes you do those shows, they'll have like a gift for the people that come on because you don't pay them.

So you have some type of gift, but you don't. You know, you get to the hardest time getting merch for some reason. Whether the hardest, that's why you said when you pointed out yesterday, some people, those people wearing wall wall shirts, we said, because Comedy Central is just dragging their feet on getting a smurge. Yeah. So we just said wall wall merges are merch, which is pretty amazing. I can't wait.

You talk about the fans being so cool though. I did Conan for Wawa shirts in the front row. I mean, it's already 500 miles from all day. Don't understand how fucking epic when they come to the show from the podcasts. And I mean all of ours because I feel like we're all, you know, especially around all these ones. Sure. We're all the same fans. We're building the same fanbase and you can tell when, like you do these shows.

There's nothing better. When you fuck, we just want you to go to Huck's shows. Listen to this shit, support us where you can and just go to the show. Or get a set of tickets. I got a ticket once because of this podcast. Well, I mean, it was that good. Yeah, not a good one.

Really? Yeah, I'd rather that than people at my shows. Well, how'd you get out of a ticket? What were you doing? I was speeding. Well, that's, you know, and you're Lexus. Yeah. It bugs me.

You bug me, you honest. I'm sorry. I can't lie about it anymore. I saw when we were smoking sticks of me aversi. I saw you wait in your car to watch me pass so you could hate me Well, you didn't you didn't pull out too quick. You waited for me to just pull out right and you didn't hear word. I said right I did the I'm dealing with the sound stuff. I'm just saying to people right now if you can hear it great if you can't I don't care Just come to our shows. I don't care. Just come to our shows. How do you write, I don't care.

So fuck you. Yeah, you're starting to bug me. Yeah. Well, because there's something about you. It just rubs you the wrong way. No, I love you. First of all, let me just start there. I love your first. You're the best.

Yeah. But you bug me. Yeah. Like your sneakers. Yeah. Katie likes the best. Yeah, but you bug me. Yeah, like your sneakers. Yeah, Katie like sneakers too She got some plastic. Yeah, stop forming a fucking team All right deal with me right now. So I'm trying to get a fucking coalition together I think it's got the built-in neoprene sock by the way. Yeah, what is that when it kind of comes with like I don't You pick your leg up. I don't think so. What is it?

What's that neoprene nice kicks? They look at that. This part. It's nothing like a person in Night Sneakers. Yeah, you can tell a lot about a person. No, you can't. No, you can't. Yeah.

No, you can tell a lot about a person if you talk to him. The girls wear a Night Sneaker. She loves black dick. Yeah. Because you can tell. Or maybe she's fucked a Puerto Rican DJ. No. We don't have our secrets. I think it's hell, or maybe she's fucked the Puerto Rican DJ. What's that to? We all have our secrets.

When did you choose those glasses and go, this is it? I got these glasses. I'm not getting it self, by the way. No, I'm just saying, you put them on at the place, and they were like, oh, these are way too big, and you went, no. These are perfect. So I'm on Medicaid, and I win, and I was like, what are the glasses I can get? And it was like eight frames and they all looked just like this.

But I always wanted glasses like this. I'm saying they're cool. I love them. Yeah, I love those glasses. Yeah. My mother used to wear glasses like that. Yeah, I love them. Oh, well, my mom.

She was hot too. Yeah. She was like, it's hard to sneak. It's fucked a few DJs. Your mom's gonna shit. Oh, mama poppin. Mama poppin. Mama poppin. Mama poppin. Snickers fucked a few DJs. Mom's gonna shit. Mom of poppies.

Mom of poppies. Mom of poppies. I'm gonna wrap it up his mother was actually Marisi who's just doing the tribute to her. That's it. She's still alive. She just went and fucked the dude in Westchester and she's not there.

What? Now the thing with Marisi that I'm getting nervous about is that as you get older, she gets older. Oh, yeah, she does. She's getting a little older. That's gonna be a Haggar bitch and hispanic's age like fucking bananas on a counter. They really do. Asian chicks and Hispanic chicks age overnight one day too. It's one day and they turn a corner, yeah.

It's like a California blonde chick. It's just great that she is 32 and it's like, what are you dying? What do you have dime size freckles all over your chest? Yeah. Where did you do? Why did you dip those alternative fucking elbow creases? You fucking titties look like fucking chipping paint. She always looks surprised. They're fucking foreheads wrinkled like a sharp A I did this joke now Oscar you're a Mexican American Are you Puerto Rican Mexicans you're both you're you're really Spanish I was doing this joke this week about

I was doing this joke this week about Mike's Mexican too. I did this joke and it really did. I go, I tell me if this is funny. I said Mexican women historically have the worst asses. But Mexican men historically have the best asses. Nothing like a bullfighters. But I said historically have the worst asses. You could hear these motherfucking broads wanted to jump the stage. I could. I could. I could. They couldn't.

Their butts were too flat. They couldn't. They couldn't get up. They can't jump. But I changed it to flat asses and then it worked the second child. You know, everyone used to have flat asses. What do you mean? Like pre the workout revolution.

Like there used to just be women with flat asses. That at the seven even like 70s and 80s. And those like exploitation movies that were always like your beach stuff. And the girls that were the hot chicks when they'd show from a side view. It really was. They're long tall flat asses. Everyone has that. That is so interesting. And like the hottest chick, the hot girl of the movie had a long flat ass. Yeah. No, not exploitation.

But like the 80s campy, like. Just go to 70s. Playboy. Playboy. Yeah, like all the Charlie's, Angels, Seven, and Seven. None of them had that. Well, what says rape squad? Straight down there. Oh my god, does he're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying.

I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying.

I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying.

I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. I women all had one thing in common. They had each been violated in the same such way. When they look for justice, it wasn't there. So they took the law into their own hands and made the revenge fit the crime. Oh, now I'm a man. Great squat. Go go go go go go. Flat ass power. You make Janet to bend over. I'm I just trying to make this now. I'm right squat movie called rape squad. And looks like you look like the first girl.

The second girl looks like Maria Marina Franklin. And she's the third, she's the fourth girl. Win Coplitz. Rachel Fulvehead. Saw the biggies. We should recreate that movie. Rapes. Yeah, Keith is the main rape.

He's the main, he's the rape imp. I'm's the main rape. He's the main, he's the rape imp. I'm gonna rape these bitches. I can't rape them as much because I'm a stroke. But I'll think you fuck you with my left hand. I like Bobby coming as aggressive director. Two of you goes, guys, we are paying homage to the great rape squad. And you guys are shitting on the memory of that director.

Can you please put some effort into this? They couldn't think of like a catchphrase of this movie. They had to write a paragraph What happens when a little girl gets sucked into the television because they move the headstones But they never move the bodies a A haunted house in, alter guise. I think that's all of it. Yeah, we can get it. What happens when Marlon and Sean weigh and put on poor makeup and fool everyone to think they're white chairs?

Go to white slavers. I want to know what slavers. What is that violent love or jeez Wow? They got the yeah, I feel like they got the girl they could afford for that one That girl's got a fucking mole were belly button should be looks like me Why is your star so moly Yeah, like for example, that's like a body from back then where you can like wow, she's hot. I go the titties have changed to the used to all the all the porn stuff. I go to have huge swooping titties with big puffy nips right there. It's over. Yeah, those look at old cement. Remember Samantha Fox. Yeah, go to

go to Samantha Fox. Yeah, look at her like naked. They were all we Tracy Lord Samantha Fox and the same tits and big head like swooping tits. Beautiful ariolas. Yeah. Oh my god. Sorry girls. Oh, tech tech tile. They were they puffed out. Yeah, we're gonna yeah, like someone sucked on them. Chris. I'm just a one in Katie. I heard them. I say something gross.

Look so everyone goes. Go to go to just tweeting it. Go to new. Go to the Samantha Fox. New. Can we put all your lives? Oh, no, you can't go to bikini. Go to go to just tweeting it. Go to new go to the Samantha Fox new. Can we put all your lives? Oh, no, you can't go to bikini go to bikini. Right there. You can see through that. Yeah, she has a flat ass.

Yeah, it's definitely a flat. No, no, no, right there. Yeah, that's it. High long asses. Yeah, look at that. Oh, man. Yeah, you're getting nothing but bone when you hit that from the back.

It's okay. Why does she have a medal on her swimsuit? Well, she won. It's a Nazi medal. She won slat ass. Doesn't look like a Nazi medal? No, it's a swim rock. Oh, is it?

I thought it was yarn. Can you go to 19-20s bikini if they were invented? When were they invented? In the 60s. And so just go to 19-20s swimsuit then. Hey, what's up day david david tali everybody what's happening to be right there brother that's what i said here

it's my it's just we'll we'll we've i've uh... yana's in big jay of brought me uh... to the my attention that uh... nice asses have only come into play in the last thirty years uh... i don't want to co-sign saying nice asses because i'm a okay with cement the foxes assing their i'm just saying it's changed

yeah jishy i think the israeli type ass now is that's ridiculous here is this what do you think about so i think people get but implants now which is odd i bet sitting on that feels weird shit i feel so shiny it's good it's just a rubber ass or we're at that which is odd. I bet sitting on that feels weird, a shit. I bet it feels cushiony, feels good. It's just my scrubber ass or weird ass.

I mean, women back then were fucking just awful. It wasn't real, it wasn't real, it wasn't real ugly time. Not these women are 12 too. Look at all these women. I mean, just a fucking nightmare. Look at that right there, look at that leg. Oh, that's my aunt.

Oh. I like when they always try to throw back too. Remember how hot young Betty White was? And now never. She was never hot. I'm going to get on with her. I'm going to get on with her. Good young Betty White.

Back then, the women didn't, you're right. They didn't work out. They didn't go to the gym. Yeah, but you see that swim suit. That's now popular again, the jumper. Yeah. And today's young, what's we call guys? Guys wearing that.

They feel romper. They're romper.per, romper. You know what else is big back then? Click back one. Go back, just click back one. Right there, the top left, red, swim suit. Those big gaps, those big vagina gaps with big back then. Look at the size of that gap.

Oh, remember that's a, I think in the 40s. Look at that gap on here. You're saying like a lot of inches from your pussy lips to leg where it meets the leg. Hey, you see lot of inches from your pussy lips to leg. Wow. Hey, you see this. Wait a minute, picture Jay. Thank you. Well, it's an audio medium.

I forgot. Right. Look at the picture on the far left in the corner with the guy measuring because of each it needs to be. That was illegal. Really? That to come to a certain point. It was illegal to lie.

Yeah. You're legally not a whole. Yeah, because look out. Look out. Look at that. Legge. No one wants to a certain point. It was illegal to lie. Yeah, you're legally not a whole No, it's a see that vagina. Yeah, look at this one. I'm only gonna measure to your second knee And where is the talk that's a talk job and where is this again Pakistan? I know That was actually that was Pakistan today It's like that photo. I want to see I mean look at these look at these faces I want to see the face just Just. How do you have camel? Full of shorts. That was before the camel.

Make it big. Zoom in. Look at this. Look at the one on the right. Looks like that looks like Kurt Metzger. Yeah, but you know what? It is Kurt Metzger. If they were like they were they're just unhappy.

Like I bet you they're all good looking if they put on makeup. But it's up. Yeah, their life's not back there. Look at that. Oh, yeah. It is Kurt met if they were like they were they're just unhappy like I bet you they're all good looking if they put on makeup I think they're life's not back there. Oh God look at them. There's not I mean the one in the middle could catch it the tall one I think which one the one the tallest one now I like the one all the way in the left left I got it left that's like a Kalen Jenner of that I grew up who looks mildly confused and frightened of that. I growl looks mildly confused and frightened. Well, the one on the right, she says she's in the basement of a bakery.

Yeah, they all look like they're tucking Shween though. Shween? Shween? You mean, it's just long? Yeah, it's just because they had to wear that. I mean, there is a weird amount of wrinkle lines going towards their pussy. Well, because they didn't fit, you just bought that thing. It wasn't fitted. Yeah.

It was like put it on. Yeah, what sizes? It's woman. I have a front wedge. Oh, this is it. Get in the wall. Pull out. Pull out.

Bring it on, boy. It's too close. We're going to hit the, good and ice burn. That's, those women are why everyone was willing to go to war. We're all war one, let's do it. The bulge is there too, it's all bush, that's a bush bulge. Because they didn't trim the bush. Look at them holding his fish.

That's bush bulge. Yeah, that's nice. How's your holiday shop going, dude? Is your list bigger than your budget? Buy a humbug, no more. Go to deepdiscount.com and you'll see that everything is on sale at low, low prices. You can get cool gifts and save money too. Tens of thousands of items, classic TV shows, complete series and new TV shows too.

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I only have one area of expertise, everybody. I'm sorry. I didn't know we were gonna be talking period pieces. Yeah, can I say something though? I like a bush. Me too. I don't like a, I don't. Gina Davis panties.

Oh yeah, no, I like a bald. I like a bald, yeah, no hair. I like, I eat it. I don't want any Davis panties. Oh, yeah, I like it bald. Yeah, no hair. I like I eat it I don't want any hair that close Wow, you're even above it even a little above it I could deal with a little above but then I see my nose right there Rest in the right. Yeah, all the way to the right. No, it's not it It's risky. It's risky. That's not it. What? No, it's not it. It's her laying down. It's close up. You see it's a real big bush. She's hot. Is she naked? Oh, she have underwear on underwear. But you have to see the bush pushing the underwear.

I bet you had a huge bush and a league of their own. It was no shaving in baseball. It was a league of its own. I like a nice big bush. Do you? Yeah, I never did. It was, I changed. It holds in the fumes though. That's where the fumes come from.

I don't want it over now. I don't want it consumed. I don't want it like a fume in a switch trap. It's not grown over, but it's pushed. A tripped, up up top full not over the Bedona top you remember back like that porn back in the day It covered the whole area. Yeah, like that in Trim it all place and all that shit you would have to like

Mm-hmm, and I hate those old movies when you saw them like eating a girl out and then they'd move their head And there was just like saliva dripping off the hair to another Yeah, I don't thought you loved it. I own that. I like it up top. You like it up top? I like it up top. You like it up top.

I like it. Oh, it's 70s porn. Yeah. Let's click on Brad for the girls. He's beautiful. He's a good look. He never had a bad look, huh? He's such a good looking guy.

He's his lady. I like he's being silly with a hair dryer. Is that a hair dryer? He was showing her how he robs places. Did you guys not even see film in the weaves? It's not just a full-bush in panties. There's a whole story. That was his first movie right? Yeah, Big Break. That was his first, but he has a mullet. Big Break. He was actually a true romance very small part.

But it's first, he did something where he was like a runner him and his brother were runners or something. I followed his career. Look at look at the thing though. Look at the one right there down the one down one right there. Look, look at like I've always wanted that. He's such a good looking. Wow. Look at that waste. Jesus man. Yeah. You think he's where I bet he's right now somewhere wearing Canary yellow. Yeah. I bet you in his life. You know, thongs. I bet you in his life he's worn a thong on a beach.

Sure. And he has that memory. And I could have had that memory. He might be a thin brief man under the pants, but I don't know if he's gonna be rocking it on a beach somewhere. What's up with, what's up with Susa's? Oh, there he goes.

No, what? It was wrong. Wow. There you go. Wrong. Oh, no, I stayed at Beckham go. No, what? That's wrong. Wow. There you go. Wrong. Oh, no, I stated Beckham actually. Yeah, I guess I can't show you the picture except Prick has seen his foreskin through his.

Haha. Haha. Haha. The guy is not his color. That's not an American hog. That's crazy, huh? Wow. Haha.

He's a good looking. What sports is he playing? Sucker. Who scares? Look at. Haha. He's a good looking what what sports is he playing again soccer who cares look at Do you want to bend his back on I mean give him a pass look at that Who's the guy of the right who's the guy of the right right? Right who is that ugly oh my god Bernie Sanders Who is that George your money look at his heavy balls are weighing down his tiny trunks

It's all nuts in there. He looks good for a guy that age though. I would still take that body. Yeah, that's a good body for I know for that age I take that body he'd look better in this hoodie. I'm wearing well Now are you ever are you just gonna stay that? Like how you look no i hope i mean i'm trying pretty hard actually you do look good you you you always look the same you always look a big guy you have big day in the name but are you ever are you ever gonna have i'm down like

my base weight fluctuation is down like seventy pounds my what i watch this week and i was showing somebody like me being on like P. Did he's bad boys a comedy? I mean, I hope I look like a different person You look good, but you look good. You carry it good. No, but I know I mean I'd have I mean I could lose 60 pounds more and I'd like to but do you think that if you if you look like that like just lost all the weight for? He was on SNL last week. He stopped in. He wasn't the host.

Oh, Jonah helped. Jonah helped. Yeah, he was going up and down, which is dangerous. That's also very dangerous. Well, it doesn't even do it for a role. Or no. Oh, wow. Yeah, wow.

Wow. Let's let it play a little bit. Turn the volume. I mean, it's a different time of bag your clothes, but it's not that. Listen to one of the jokes, too. Oh my God, please don't do that. Turn it up, turn it up.

It's a bad one. There's dancing this one. Ah, I thought it was. I got from Philadelphia. It's a city like anything else. Philadelphia, a lot of culture in my high school. We had black people and white person, and that was pretty cool, because I was the white person for most of that.

I'm my grandson. and that was pretty cool because I was the white person for most of that. I was getting my ASB and I couldn't fight for shit. I was raised by all women, my grandma and my mom, so I couldn't fight for shit. I can argue like a motherfucker, they told me I had shit. I can all that, this shit in the bitch fight. I was taking my purse off, I hit him with that shit. I said it were shit 75. I tried to with that shit. I said it was shit, 75 years ago. I tried to teach myself how to fight when I was younger. I thought I was going to be the shit.

I had a plan, I was going to watch a movie, so I had a fight by watching movies. So I was getting the fuck with a school lot, right? So I'm fucking going home and I got grandma. What movies do we have? I need something with some gangs and violence shit and some fights. What do we got?

She goes, oh, gangs, we have Greece and West Side Story. So I Watched him a lot and I went to school real cocky Starting shit with these broadness skills. I'm slapping people and pushing them and shit And one gets like, yo, Jay enough for that shit parking lot 3 30. I was like, I'll be there. I'll be there, right? Yeah Yeah 330 it is. What? See you then. They don't like that shit.

When you get a little flared at the end, they don't like it. So 3.30, I'm walking in a fight. I'm nervous. There we go. Luckily I got my background dancers with me, right? They got on the glitter shirts and the gloves and shit. We get to this fight. Everyone from school's there. And I'm looking around the rock on fight, fight and shit. We get to this fight, everyone from schools there.

And I'm looking around the rock on fight, fight, fight. I look around, the kid hit me in the face first, which was not in the movie, right? He gets to be right in the face. He goes, what do you say now, bitch? I was like, I'm a crazy motherfucker, and you don't wanna mess with me. In the background, the answer's shut up.

I'm like, oh, what are you stopping at, I wanted to say something. I'm sorry. I thought we were going to do a play by play, not just enjoy. I was over after this. Just the last game. Sorry. Oh, no, I didn't want to talk.

No, I was just going to say Jay and I guess Mike Vickione and Kurt, they all came up through the black circuit. Yeah, like, sir, Joe DeRose. Yeah, you're from Boston. So like, what was the black show? I guess they would call that. We didn't have it. Public high schools yeah

I wanted to say now keep it going that was the other fucker crazy mother fucker that why boy got the moon it's so funny though you honest too you honest came to the market for sure we didn't have a black shirt in Boston there wasn't one I never know for all the Joe. I've asked a thousand people. I, I, we never, yeah, when I said, yeah, Patrice, Patrice, maybe they probably had a series just so segregated

boss. Did not, did not have a scene for all the band. I can say about it because I would have done it by the time I burn would have definitely done it. By the time I got to the, like auditioning it, like the comic strip and stuff like that in New York and they'd be like, you know Like there's only 10 people in there. I'm like are they not gonna yell? Are they not gonna possibly fight me? There's no one gonna be in a call the waitress of bitch because she brought his drink too late So I mean is everything gonna be a I'm like then the, let's go do it. I've never made them hardcore. It's just like, you did it too, the black net at Boston.

Yeah, the Boston night. It's funniest. I used to love watching Dave do it. Let me tell you, sir. Let me tell you, sir. I just move, I was here for a little bit. I'm doing the show. I'm panicking.

It's just nuts. They would, they would put you up with me up at the end. And I remember the first time I did it, I think somebody went up murdered. Everyone wears sovants right? Murdered. I mean, the place is losing it. And they go, I thank you, that's it.

They turn the lights on. They go, oh shit, we got one more. They go, white boy. I was like, you motherfuckers. I did it. But I remember the next time I was there, you came in. I'm like, I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, no, I was horrible in front the next time I was there, you came in. I'm like, I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, no, I was horrible in front of that. No, dude. You came in.

He goes like this. He goes, he goes on stage, they're just looking at him like, what the fuck? He goes, my grandfather does things. Men don't do anymore. He can milk a cow. Men don't milk cows anymore. He can show a horse. Men don't show horses anymore. He can get a hooker pregnant, kick it down the flat. He doesn't blame it on the horse. Men don't show horses anymore. He can get a hooker pregnant, kick it down the flatest stairs, and blame it on the colors. People don't blame things on the colors anymore. Good silence. Body, no.

There was a fucking like a belilla second of, and then the players went, boom! Oh, wow. I wish I remembered that. It was. I saw you doing two or three times, you'd come over and you would murder every time. Murdered. Can I just say, I know that's very nice, you guys say, but I had one of my best heckling.

I've had actually two great heckle moments there. One of them was with the all black crowd. And to give it up to them, like when they love you, they love you, when they hate you, they hate you. And I remember like, I was like, nothing's working. So I was like, work the crowd. And everybody in the front row turned their seats around like they had practiced it during the day.

Like just in case a loser white guy gets up here, that's all like counterclockwise. Like like a ship, like putting their sales in the wind. And I was like, I was like, how do you now playing the back of the head? Is this a cultural thing? Like, what does that mean? And then another time was there. And like, they had German tourists there. And like, this was like before political correctness. So they were like, really German. And like, you know, we're going back and forth.

And the Holocaust came up. And the guy goes, I go, what do you, I go something, something Holocaust. And he goes, yeah, no, I remember I put your grandma in the oven. And I was like, what the, I was like what the I was like And like I got like I'm supposed to fight this guy, you know So those are the days of the Community be German comics The worst is when you do bad and the host gets back up and talks about how bad you did Just like relives it and it gets big laughs at your expense and And then Jordan Carlos one day was the most awkward thing.

Yeah, they sabotaged you with intros too. I've never getting intros where I'd be like, all right, this next guy, he tell you, I'm bringing you on next and you go, great. And then he goes on stage, he goes, all right, this next guy coming to stage, he goes, I don't want you to get too excited. Like, he didn't have to be here, man, but everybody makes some noise, like makes a noise for Chris Rock. Or somebody got, and they go, I mean crazy excitement. And he goes, like I said, he didn't have to be here. So we have instead and he's bringing you up. I think that was a funny thing to do.

And then you're going to say something. Now they're working disappointed also. Can I say something? Keith does that to me now. At the seller when he hosts on weekends, he'll go, this motherfucker, he'll go on stage, you go ladies and gentlemen, can't sometimes you're at the seller when he hosts on weekends, he'll go, ah, this motherfucker, he'll go on stage, he'll go, ladies and gentlemen, can't, sometimes you're at the seller, you know that this happens. And you guys, you're lucky enough right now.

This went down, I can't believe it. And maybe like any Murphy's here, I, I, any the place lost their shit, and then he goes, I'm kidding. Give it up for Robert Kelly. Bring you right up, not even any adrenaline. Not thin and I'm on stage and they're still like, what, like mad at him, but now they mad at me.

I'm like, fuck you. I want you to room full of people process something while you're trying to talk to them. So yeah, so what's up everybody? They're like, wait, what just happened? Chris Tucker not here. Yeah. Chris Tucker. Oh my god, what just happens? Oh, Chris Tucker not here. Chris Tucker. Oh, yeah. What happened? Chris Tucker. That would be a real hard to follow. What's that? You know, back

like right after I, I'm sorry, Chris Tucker back right after that movie was it. What was it? Rush hour. Rush hour. Yeah. Rush hour. One, two. I mean, the fifth element. The fifth element. He was what popped him off. That's what boom. That's what boom. What mainstream. But he was off. He was off of comedy first. He did. He had from Michael Jackson Joe from everything I understand. He had a great. He did two sets on Def Jam. So 15 total minutes of comedy. Bob Sumner told me that as the guy ran the Def Jam thing, he said that that's all he had. He said he was going to put him on again. And he was like, I don't have anything else. I think just sort of getting movies and didn't matter so off of 15 minutes

Accom when show business was still show business different time You could just fucking book something with 15 minutes of horse shit. I've 20 years of comedy I've never even been batting around somebody giving me a development deal I don't even know the hell that is holding the old or whatever. I'm like what is it even I know guys have gotten like sex of them Me too just holding deals development deal. Oh, yeah, what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is.

I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is.

I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is.

I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy.

I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy.

I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. and the process of that, people don't understand how long it is. It's like you audition for the show, you get considered for the show, you have to be approved to do the show, you have to audition again.

Then when you get the show, you have to wait for it to be written, you do a pilot, film the pilot, the pilot has to be approved. And then they have to write the fucking season if it does get picked up. And then that's like a year right and then you shoot it And that's two months and then it takes months to edit it and you have a year and a half. I love it. You do you're good at it. You really are good. I'll fucking quit your shit business. I'll tell but I'll do it with actors. We're all out. It'll be called, you know what, dude.

Let's talk about the process. I'll dump every fan on here. I'll fucking, every hoodie, cockseco will be gone. And it'll be just nice middle-aged women. I love Steve Lutz. I knew that you would be a good actor when I first met you, too, because I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because you have that look. You have that look. You have

a great look. You mean had. No, this is your look. Right now, this is your look. Really? This is the look right now. What fucking mid-range cop says the blindies show? Hey, I told him not to do that. The files in my office. 40 shows, 40 shows a year. Need that guy though. Tell you what, I booked that thing. I booked a show. Robert Nero produced CBS. When CBS only canceled one show that year, one show, which is unheard of, they weren't even getting other shows because every show was on fire. There was a lot of... Is that big bang theory and the last stuff, right?

I don't know, the show. There was like a person of interest when they were... I mean, dude, there was smoldering with fucking shows. And this is Robert De Niro, CBS. This is crazy. And I booked off of the pilot, the director said, just say something.

Somebody say something. So I started trashing the guy. I go, all right, enough of you Wikipedia. Shut your face. Not only did I get a job for myself, they hired that guy as Wikipedia. Really? Yeah, they gave him a job, aka Wikipedia, right?

So both on this fucking show. I gotta show up, do the show. I get paid great money, and I'm saying one or two lines. I walk in and make a little joy That pickles and then fucking I You're riffing you're not doing their line. Well, I could riff Yeah, that's what I learned a lot about acting is that every week on a show like that

There's a different group of writers. Yeah, and there's a different director. There's a whole different crew Yeah, they can't be there because they're writing the show as it goes. So every week you're dealing with like a Jake Gyllenhaal's dad was a director one week and every director is different. Some guys are like, yeah, fuck around, do some shit. Some writers are like, read what's on the fucking paper. Right, they want that. So you gotta learn to deal with these people.

Why you can't be a comic. You can't be a gaggle fuck you say. You can't, you gotta kind of, all right. Respect that form. That's what makes auditions so hard. Within 10 seconds, I feel like I'm just bombing. And then I get in my own head and I'm like, this isn't going good.

And then I forget, like, oh, they- It's the worst. I got- I got- I got the people are exhausted too. Yeah, the energy they give you. I was just taking you. You're being there.

I'm at the point. It's so, I hate auditions so bad right now. Because the work you do, I had to do I had an audition this weekend Mike helped me with it I had to sit there for three hours today going over it again and then I got to wake up tomorrow and do it again and then you go in and you go I mean look the casting people are great my agents the fucking best agent I ever had in my life from Gersh Ronda Ronda pressure is the best they the best. They work their asses off. You know, stand the fight to get you in that room. If you are not, even I've been on a show recently. I've been on, you know, stuff and you can't, it's

still a fight. And I go, I just got all the way to a thing and a friend of mine booked it. Oh, that's yeah. And it's like, you know, Chubby guy, there's this Chubby guy who has stuff and there's another Chubby guy who, you know, and being a comic, you gotta I tell you this right now, being a comedian, you know, it fucks you. Yeah, it's hard. It's fun because they're like, I he's just funny. I like when you're trying to not give too much information, telling a story, it's just non-stop pronouns. You're like, yeah, I was up for a thing.

And then there was a guy, and then the guy that got it was a guy I know to get the thing recently on some stuff. Yeah, I can't talk about it. Is this the next Jedi movie? Is that what we're gonna do? I'll be right back. I auditioned for a member Spider-Man, the first one. Yes.

When he goes in, the wrestler, the guy doesn't pay him. I audition for the guy that doesn't pay him. I remember walking in for that, and every guy was gorgeous, because they were all auditioning for Spider-Man, and even though they weren't getting it. You must've got some great ones of the thing you didn't get, like that everyone knows, and you're like, fuck, I was pretty close to that. No, really? No, dude thing you didn't get like like that everyone knows and you're like fuck I was pretty close to that

um no really no dude I didn't but I now my only one is that way young and comedy you could tell by how old the commercials are but I thought I murdered in the can you hear me now what's that remember the variety you were gonna be that guy I wasn't gonna be but going to be, but I was, when I left it, when I really honestly, when I left the audition though, I mean, they were like, that was fun. Thank you. And you're like, first time I ever walked out of a audition, I'm feeling like, wow, that was pretty great. Yeah, wow. That and I, and they told me

I auditioned for a Dave Matthews band video, The Hugger. That was huge. I auditioned for that because they were calling and people like desperately because everyone they were trying wasn't getting it and when I went in there I was there for a while with them playing or it didn't really go the way the videos seem to look but like when the guy says me as he puts his hand on my back on the way he goes he goes I think you're gonna be getting a call from us pretty soon and I was like great as I remember I was I walked out

Judas in the couch and I went hey Judas and I walked out cut ahead I was doing a con volotea.com. Y el segundo día de la guiga, me fue el hedeliner, y fue un padlock en el frente de la Cámara de Club. En el límite de la Llanla, yo era 10 grana, y yo lo sabía que estaba a su lado, y yo era una chica de la vida. Cuando me llegué a ese día, la gente estaba esténmeendo, Lord saying you always like 10 grand you got to pay it and I knew that was going to fall back somehow I was gonna eat shit for this and when I got to that night the guy said he was sending me home So I wasn't funny enough, but it was really because you couldn't afford to pay me Because I'm sending you home and I'm and he cut me that night. Yeah, he had his cousin drive me to the hotel to pack my bags

He were taking me to the train station that night and as I'm packing my bag and putting it away TRL was on the screen and Carson Daly's like, we got the new song from the band back home. And you just see it and look over, you'll see it's chewed up. And everybody was like, I'm gonna murder myself on this train. I'm gonna murder myself on this train. It's bad man. It sucks, yeah, when you're like, oh.

It's acting as a motherfucker. It is a role of the dice. I also think the day is so tedious. I did a show for two seasons, but yeah, it is a role of the dice. I also think the day is so tedious. I did a show for two seasons, but yeah, but Soda does too. When I talk to Soda, he's like, no, I think it's great.

No, I was doing always talks about how Grady felt being pampered on the side. But I don't know. I just feel like I'm like, I hope I have an a phone battery to play eight hours of stramble. Yeah, so I'm waiting around. Yeah, but it's eight.

It's 2018, just plug it in. Yeah, but I know. And nobody would not have a trailer. And it's really, what is it? What is it like? I'm's a 2018. Just plug it in. Yeah, I know what do you not have a trailer? Wow, it's really talking. What's talking about the sandwiches? It's really, it's not background work. I'm talking about having a double-banger at least. But we did crashing. You do. You kind of have like, I mean, it's a scent. They do everything they can for you, but you're essentially, your trailer is exactly it's like, you're not doing that. Yeah, but that's the thing of like also like, you're just sitting there like chain smoking on those steps outside the trailer like a real 4 billion and then there's like poor kids like they're like they've been there since four in the morning and they're like drag and like for some reason like an

anchor chain. Like the most you know these these poor kids like they went to film school and now like somehow they have the drag an entire life shark onto the set like they're dying. If you ever want to feel good though, go to a holding area where all the extras are there. Oh yeah, no, it's just for people. Oh, you, they're sitting on, not even a chair, they had to make a chair with like two apple boxes. Yeah. And they're sitting there and they're,

I remember some shitty, shitty, one time I ever was an extra, and I swore I'd never do it again, was a David Mammot movie. Oh yeah. Oh, Leana. And I showed it again, was a David Mammett movie. Oh yeah, Oliana. And I showed up late, my acting teacher got me the gig, and they ran out of clothes.

And this was like one of my chubbies. I wasn't fat, but I was chubby. So nothing fit me. So they had to dress me like Fred Flintstown. So I was supposed to be a college kid. They had no more backpacks, so they gave me a bowling bag. So I literally looked like Fred Flynn. It was awful.

Oh, by the way, it's funny. That said, how I look in that video we were watching, the bad boys at comedy, in that giant, the Sean John zip up sweatshirt I'm wearing. What's funny about that is I went there wearing my own clothes, but they made a big deal about no, everyone has to wear Sean John. That's the thing about that show was all to promote his brand too. And so I was like, yeah, you guys probably,

you don't have anything. And this lady in the wardrobe department was determined to find something. And she dug and dug until she found an ugly blue. Right? An ugly blue and white zip up short sleeve sweater. She got your smock. Yeah.

A shunj on the painting class. Yeah, dude, I remember being on that set and I remember I went up at lunch. I went up to the, there's union rules like the, yeah, you can't, you can't eat, right? You can't eat. You can't eat. Back where you can't eat, get away for the, the crew to eat first and then the stars can eat whenever the fuck they want. But the crew eats first, you eat after crew. I walked up and they were like, you can't eat get away for the crew to eat first and then the stars can eat whenever the fuck they want But the crew eats first you eat after crew. I walked up and they were like you can't eat. They said yeah

It's fucking true. He was like you can't eat and I want I was so hungry. I would earn a pizza It's when cell phones first came out Cell one remember just one line. I ordered a fucking pie and the guy showed up in the middle of a scene honking I ordered a fucking pie and the guy showed up in the middle of a scene honking Going hey, I'm looking for Robert Kelly. She comes over. She's you see her touch your headset We're in the grass in the sun sitting outside and she goes who on the pizza? I was like me I'm fucking hungry. She goes we feed you. I'm like when And I got a big argument with this actor. She's like, this is, you have to do extra work.

That's how you become. I was like, go fuck yourself. I'll never do this again. And I thank God I never did it again. You took a stand. Did you leave? I just couldn't stand. Yeah. Yeah. I got to go with this move. And I got to go to pair new sneakers. That day. I used to take them from the set. I feel bad for, uh, yeah, extras when anything. I do. They're so hard. They're the, if you can't make a movie without them,

and there's people that make a living at being extras, and you, and standins, those fucking people are safe. They make money. They make money, but it finally, they're starting to make the background people starting to make a little cash, at least 100 something a day, and they're the ones that like, you, I, you a full penalty, this, if you go too long

without eating, there's penalties, you can get more money, they know all the fucking rules. Yeah, they did it. I did a 12 hour day of background acting and I got paid $67. Well, wow, what an odd word. Where's it? Yeah, yeah, I have a credit.

So, I'm gonna tell my resident. Did you pay you on what he had on him? He's like, I got like I never got the check I picked it up from the New York State Comp Triller, you know, when you can get like your left. I just got it. I just got it's on your slag. Are you in SAG? No, I'm not union. That's another that's enough But you know to get in the sag you to do a sag movie you have to be sag But how do you get set? I mean, it's like a fucking I. I didn't know he build up hours. It's my first manager ever. That's why in fear of Ken Trouche's name was.

Oh my God. He used to have a Dove David off me, Kurt. He had already lying years ago. But he, I remember I watched this guy on our way to Montreal the first time, or the only time I went with him, impulse by a $5,000 watch. And he was like a trust fund kid, I think. I think it's midd by him but he uh...

but when I came back down when uh... Kurt and Neil Brennan were buddies Kurt Metzger was my roommate time and him and Neil Brennan was like hey he got Kurt kind of hired to help do punch ups and write on Sheppell show before the show ever came out season one wow and I live with Kurt so I would go through it and I was talking to Neil and he was like yeah if you have any lines man like put so I was punching to Neil and he was like, yeah, if you have any lines, man, like put so I was punching some stuff up. And they go when they want to pay me, but they go, we'll let you play in the sketch where he's a black guy who's a white supremacist. He doesn't always black. When they go, the white kids pop in the car and they listen to rap music and he goes, why don't you niggers go back and the white kid goes,

do you just call us niggers? That's awesome. And they high five. They go, you'll play that part. I go, great. I got to call the day before saying, because of BET's comic view twice, I'm a must join. 1,200 dollars I had to give. They wouldn't let me do it over payments,

which so many people told me that you could, but they tell me you can't. Like you can't at all. So I was panicking. And I called, I called can and I said to him, I was like, hey man, could you do me a favor? I go, do you pay this sack thing? And I'll just give it back to you through time.

I promise. I'm like, take it out of whatever gigs we get. Yeah, yeah. Coming up, please, it means a lot to me. He goes, I mean, you'd rather wait for a gig that's gonna pay you what you owe for your dues. I'll do it. He goes, so it was better to get like a late night or something.

But I don't even think pays like that. But he goes, I'd rather have you just do something like that. He goes, and I which but I don't even think pays like that because I rather have He just do something like that he goes and I go. I don't know man. It seems like it'd be pretty cool is that Dave Shepelle guy and he goes Well, this before he was it was half-baked, but I mean still like not the level he is now Yeah, and he goes I mean really when it comes down he goes. It's one line on the late night cable show It's number one every time you do a top 10. It's always that episode is that that sketch is always like number one. I'm like that fucking stung. I did background on that show.

Donald got me like I was a bailiff and I think it was the arch helipist thing. Oh yeah. And like you can see my shoulder and a bit of my ear. And Don, I was like, ah, you got to cheat to the camera, son. But I use it as a credit for five years. I've never done anything on that. I love a good black hookup. That was when we did a black hookup on white boys in the hood, which was a stand-up show they don't show time. I remember talent was hosting it seemed like used to host the Sundays in Boston. 18 people per night of that shoot were showing up. Just going like, you'd be like, oh, hey, what are you doing here, man? He's like, are you on the show?

He's like, no, I'm not officially, but talent told me to come down so you might be able to get me on. I'm like, open my, dude, there's a lawyer in a contract and all. Just looking around, I go, was town here and you say you probably get me on. A fucking TV show.

We're just, oh, pop in. I'll see if I can you some time now you wonder what now you know what I have fucking unions in the This guys are just show up. I'm ever paying my first dues with nightmare dude Nightmare must join is a fucking nightmare because that for two BET comic views That's a rough one that have to have to be a must-join for what you do like you know these shows now like game of thrones Like we have to like move to the New Zealand for like you would do it move my family. Yeah gone. Wow. I'd be gone or I'd leave and just yeah, I'd be gone you'd be great on Game of Thrones. I'm already on Game of Thrones. I think I get that fucking comment the most. Oh god.'ll say that nine times in the same thread. They don't even read the thread

They just want to say it when game of thread not him wish I was No, all right girls. We know it's not him What's the thing we get it's like the little Oh, no, no, no. What's the thing we get? It's like the little thing there or something. Oh, wow. Oh, there he is. He's got the little birds.

He's more stavros than that guy. Yeah, but here's a problem with that guy. And it bothers me is that he's even thinner than me. Which bothers me. I used to be like, there was a point where he was fatter than me. And I could go, okay, but he's, look at him. The comparison's always fair. He's British fat.

I used to get whatever whatever the I never watched lost But the guy from lost who I look like oh my god, you do look like him. I never I never I'd see the guys get long curly Here I'm like I don't see it and then want I saw it's all commercial for it and for something they showed his face I was like wow When you had hair like him look enough like him now looks like, can we do a side by side? With the old head shot, you gotta look like him. You gotta put the old head shot. You gotta put the old head shot.

You love the old head, you do look like you do. Oh, I get, no, yeah, for sure. I see it for sure. You build up beautiful eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait a minute, click there. And then, all right, now click back. Yeah.

Yeah. Hurley. There we go, there we go. Yeah, I see. Boom. Boom. Yeah. Hurley. There we go. Boom. Boom. Boom. I don't even know if it's the best example of me. Definitely pictures you'll find of me looking a lot. He could be your brother.

For sure. Yeah. Yeah. He's just a fat family from Philly. Wait, what's that one? What do you have? More junkyard, man. It was a whole day.

It was a whole day What am I gonna pay someone to cut my rotor cut my own rotor break pads on I'm a Renaissance man Because this comedy's on the other side of the tracks Those were the serious ones You look so bad. Yeah, those were the serious ones. The only one was the slow chamber. You're like, what will I do to pay my sack, dudes? Oh shit. I'm only $1,100 away now.

Listen, you, I mean Dave, if someone says Dave, we want you to be on the show. If films and that way, huh? I just say no. You just say no. I don't like any acting where I don't get to like, riff it. I don't like having to spend like two weeks like learning lines. Like I'm really bad at that. Why, but is that a, is that a, an actual thing or could you just?

I'm horrible at it. You can get better at it. If I wanted, if I really committed to to doing it, then I could do it. But I feel like that's two weeks wasted. And I also agree with the hanging around on the set. Like I hate every second of it. I feel like I actually feel like an asshole like the whole time I'm there. I'm like, here I am.

I'm like the guy is like doing nothing. You know, everybody else running around doing things. Actually, the two. And they're all like creepy like, you know, like they like walk by with the walkie talkie like, are they saying something about me? You don't know. It was pretty cool that the two things I've done with Dave was crashing, which we were able to riff on. And the show, the show that I was on, uh, Z rock, when you came to Z rock, that's, that was done like Kirby enthusiasm. It was just like outline of scripts. So we got to make it. And that was good. So that was a lot of. That's's awesome. Now you were great on that show. But that's that's a

rare thing you get. Most people do want you to like, and hear to the words. I mean, crashing was great. I, I, Pete, had me on this year, which was really cool. You're in the trailer. It's great. It looks really good. They can't, he came, it was me and Arty. And then we start, he goes, just, just go for it. Really? I don't care. Just be as mean as you can I was like Pete. I don't want to I Feel bad like he looks he's gonna be sensitive about it Well, he's not but the thing is is once you get into smashing somebody and you start to riff now You I'm just looking at you face and I'm starting to pick shit apart

And I stand once you get in that mode you can't really pull back from that. And it got a little, I got a little mean. I said some fucked up shit. And it right while I was done. I was loose. But then Arty, because you know, Lang, he turns on me like really, like it's not even, he's not supposed to turn.

He's not saying shit about me. So I'm like, I fuck you. I almost whips some shit about him. And it just turned into some mean comic shit, but it was really funny. It was, it wasn't being funny, but I felt bad. Already's another guy who's a great actor. He's a great actor.

Already's a great actor. He really is. And like, beer league and all those things that he's done. Like he's trained. Like he can look at a script and remember it. Like honestly, like, from his days on Mad TV tv like he just had to learn how to do that and like I was I hope I just say something dude I mean I hope he's alright I saw that shit there we all do yeah it's like I'm really getting scared on Twitter

the holidays are depressing time and this it takes us to a new level but yeah we always want the best for uh I hope he gets a shit together man I hope somebody out sorry I brought it down now. No, it's not. I just brought it up a new year. I don't want to say anything though. He's a great actor while he's suffering right now. Yes, he's suffering right now.

And I hope that, yeah, that photo, I mean, what the fuck is that? What is that? No, the photo right there, yeah, that, you saw that on Twitter this week, right? No, I know, yeah, you saw it. He posted that on Twitter this week and I'm my hard fucking son. Yeah, I'm saw that on Twitter. Yeah, no, I know I know he posted that on Twitter this week and I my heart fucking Sun. Yeah, I'm in a weird position with our I know I'm you know friends with

them essentially, but like I don't know to cross that I feel like I feel like I'm showing concern away from being like fuck off. Okay, you know, like don't bother me with this. I don't know you can't you know what to do. Yeah. It's very hands tied at sucks. Yeah, that was a so bring one for everybody. You don't know what to do, yeah. It's very hands tied, it sucks. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that was a sobering one for everybody. That's a tough one to look at. Yeah, that's a tough one to look at. And here's the thing,

well maybe you should man up and look at it. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. If the pity party's over, that's what a real man looks like. Ha ha ha. I'll defend my, I'm a great wingman. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. That was just bad pussy. Oh wait, you know, that's just bad pussy. I realize something, put up, put up already's picture side by side with that Brad Pitt from earlier. I think we found his doppelganger now. He should say, I'm a puncher, son, right? His doppelganger. Maybe he just got stung by a B, you know?

Yeah, all right, enough guys. Here's a deal. You shouldn't feel, you can. All right, enough guys. Here's a deal. You shouldn't feel that you can't help somebody unless they want it. That's it. You can't. If he came to any one of us right now, it's that I need you to help every

fucking comic, every fan would rat. We got you, but you can't for somebody to do something. You just can't. They have to want it. So he's going to do is going to do. Yeah, you're going to do what you're going to do something. You just can't. They have to want it. So he's gonna do what he's gonna do. Yeah, you got to do what you're gonna do. It's just the sad thing. I saw that photo.

Anyways, this has been a great, great fucking job. Robert, thanks for having me in, buddy. Dude, we want you to come in any time. I haven't been here since the table was oblong. Now it's more of like a dais, right? You're kind of like like you're controlling us. Well, you know what? I feel when we were accepting this thing up,

we had that look, it was just what when we set the studio up to begin with, I said, I need a table. And Tony, who's now says he's great, he goes, I have this butcher block and I was like, that's great. And he just made a table out of a butcher block and kind of hold the middle for a headphone jack. So I put that shit together, he made it for me. It was whatever, but when we were doing this,

you're like this, I'll be your apprentice kind of sound. Well, you're fired. I'll grab your pussy. I kind of, I was trying to get a thing where everybody was around and we could see each other, but in hindsight, I really did with some type of spaceship. Captain Kirk, thank you. Captain Kirk, make it so number one.

I should have, I should have did it. Well, those spaces were weird, it's very tight, and I had to make, I should have made it around what I really wanted was a round table. There's a table at serious satellite radio in the hallway. It's just in the hallway. No one ever uses it. And it folds up. And when you fold it down, it's round.

And then there's a table in the middle. And all the mics are on the table in the middle. And they come down. And I want to steal it. I want to get some overalls from Gabby. And I want to go in there and just go out, we're gonna pick up this table and try to take it and have it. DXL's making coveralls.

I'm in some. What do you shop? DXL. It's so expensive. Oh yeah. Do you understand fat guy clothes? You don't even know this. Same thing. Because you got to pay for the extra materials. It's so expensive. Oh, yeah. Do you understand fat guy clothes? You don't even know this. Same thing. Because you got to pay for the extra materials.

It's not that. It's not that. It's that they know they got you. They got you. They fucking got you. Well, because your choice, if you want to wear anything stylish, you're going to have to pay for it or you have to dress like a dad. Take it off.

It's a vibrant. You got to wear like dad clothes. That's the choices there. You can get like not so. Not anymore. Expense. No, but you can get expensive stuff from there that's stylish. Yeah. Or you, or you have to buy at a price that makes more sense.

Dad clothes, you spend the extra money. So you're not wearing like a fucking, yeah. You know, big, big Johnson's big fish in exfixion. Very special. He sells, yeah. Maui Papawi. I said when the, all the labels, boo, all the labels used to have like yeah, I was like big daddy

clothes. I was gonna do a shittier about it. Yeah, well for the ladies the plus. Dick, do you guys know this place? I tore it like I see it in every mall now. It's like it's a factor of a topic. It's. It's.

I like that. Is that fact girl? I think so. Yeah. It sounds like for fat girl? I think so. Yeah. I never would have said it sounds like for fat girls. It's for poor people. Torrid. Torrid is fat.

Dressed barn is dressed. I give my dress at the dress barn. You have a skinny shops at odd lots. What about TJ Maxx? What do you guys think? Oh, I'm a Maxiney. So I like it. All right.

Okay, here's the thing. See that jacket? This is what fucking, this is why I feel bad for girls. Because guys, we have jeans, shirts, you're pretty much just big. That jacket has to be small up top and then go really big down the bottom.

Right, yeah. That jacket's also itchy as hell, I guarantee you. Just say that. You make it too big. It's arm rashes. Can you make a jacket for a pair? That dress though is really, that's a tasteful dress. It is. Scroll down. Scroll down. There's these and more stuff. Oh my god. That's kind of a back to school. But again, it's almost

like the exo. That's almost like calling all our teachers. Actually back back to the buffet. It's almost like the exo. Same thing. These aren't like the girls who are going the shop at this store. Yeah, they're not big at all. Well, that's a model. I follow her on Instagram. She's actually really hot. Is that the Ashley Graham? Is that the girl?

Yeah. That's her, yeah, that's her. See, now there's the girls that buy this. That's one of the left. Yeah, look at, click on my mother, the one of the blue dress. Oh, there you go. Oh, that, that, that, that, that.

This is like a, the friend who I did, Billy Joel concert or something. Yeah, this is supposed to be, this's like a, the friend of a way to Billy Joel concert or something. Yeah, this is supposed to be, this is like, this is like the younger, hip-hop thing of Lane Bryant that makes clothes, you know, for, you know, black creamers. But out in America, like out and about, don't they just have this stuff in Walmart? Because like the whole country. Yeah, every, every store has a plus size section. I love it.

I love it. No, I forgot about, tell you what you can. You said marshals or TJ Maxx, and for those kind of places, weirdly enough, you can find, I've bought clothes there before

because all those stores are, is they get the shit that doesn't sell in the actual retail store, and then they buy it and resell it there. So that's why you get, same jeans you might buy at DX DXL for $120 because they're charging in fourth stretches. They're just incredible stretches yet.

I got them. You got stretches? Man, that's, that's hell. Is that a personal defeat? No, it's, I want to put my shoe on without dislocating my knee. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I'm like, you know, you can do all the blood rush in your head,

you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,

you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,

you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, to ever break the mic stand. I don't know. How does the weirdest fucking thing ever? Well, like coming in with a different subject goes to Bobby. What's going on with the? Yeah, I may have broke this. Oh, so I was covered. What about your page?

You mean your vlogger? Clothes is such a nightmare. I mean, oh my god. I like a target. That's what I like. Oh, yeah. I like a target. Yeah.

I like a place where I can buy pants and shirt and an X. And a can? I said about a tell when I did his show. I'll come in. I go give it up for David Talley. Dress is like a locksmith. 24 hour. I remember my dad got dressed as a whole.

He would go like, why are you wearing a suit or something up there? Like when I first started doing comedy, like, we're a nice little suit. Like I'd be like a, like, you know, like a Jackie Mason or somebody like that. I'm like, Dad, I mean, I only look worse wearing a suit. You wear sportswear, it's got one of your specials. Yeah, no, I think everybody tried that. Where it's like, hey, I'll look kind of like the, you know, whatever, it's like never worth for me.

Doesn't make you feel comfortable. Doesn't, for sure. Yeah, it doesn't feel good. Like, I wear my coat on. I would wear my entire house on stage if I could. I don't want to be seen at all. I remember that was a, I would have a smoke machine going in front of me. Oh, I'm pushing. You know, we had a skinnered concert. I remember Steve Burr and made that call. He just went one day from like, Jean's t-shirts and went full blown suit. That was a goodness suit, though. Yeah, no, he does.

I'm not arguing that. I'm saying just like that was a very like, that was a definite transition. And he's very high energy on stage. So he's working that suit, but here's a problem with that suit. You got to iron every fucking day. Yeah, I do. You have wearing dress because every day just

just dry. You only bring one suit with you on the road. That's the thing. Bring one suit. And he's play clothes for the daytime. And then yeah, I could never, ever, ever, ever fucking. I'm not wearing a shirt two days in a row. I would feel so insecure.

I feel so self conscious about that. Yeah, just anything like that. I'm always kind of like, oh, I just, can I tell you what I'm doing the tonight show next Thursday? Nice. What are you gonna wear? Monday. I know they changed it.

They changed it again. So we're doing it. Yeah, to tell the fans. We're doing it next Thursday. They might change it back to my, I have no idea. It's, it's, it's, they say it's fluid. Cool. So, but I know where? Well, that's the thing. I'm going to win just to, I bought a dress shirt. I did buy at, at, at, at, at, at, DXL, I bought a suit jacket, a nice one. Kind of hip, but it fits me like a fucking glove. Yeah, I can't button it, but close, a couple weeks. But it looks great. I might wear that, we'll see, but I bought this just a dress shirt, black shirt, jeans,

and I'm wearing a Jean-Velvado Converse, my favorite Converse. Thank you. I'm just dressed in cash, but. Cash, oh, like, here's the, I'm wearing it. You're doing stand-up on, you're doing stand-up on, aren't you? Yeah, I'm doing stand-up. Here's the problem. I'm worried about, this's this I'm over it. You're gonna stand up on your stand up on it. Yeah, I'm just stand up Here's the problem. I'm worried about this is all I'm worried about there's one part where I raise my hands Oh, right. Yeah comes out. I am so scared. I got to come up with some type of mechanism I gotta I gotta paint my stomach black

I gotta paint my stomach black. I don't. I don't. I'm just doing it. You know what? Tell that to the makeup people there. Cause like talk about sitting around doing nothing. They love like when it's like you give them a challenge. So I'll be like, could you somehow like blend this into my

bell tearing? I'll bring my hair to my neck. Yeah. I'll bring my hair to my neck. Can you like paint? Can you paint another belt above my belt? Just make my belt bigger dude. I am so scared.

Long under shirt. Long under shirt. But this one. I had, listen, I have, but what if I get a shirt under the t-shirt, tuck it in. No, we're ex wearing, oh you're wearing an open shirt. We're an open shirt with a t-shirt. No, where are your pajama bottoms?

No, they're a regular guy. You have to be fun. It's like, this goes on like it goes on late right people I'm gonna go to bed I see put the canary panties I'm giving you it's gonna look like I'm nude I'm giving you good fat advice get along get like an XLT tank top an XL no get a tall so it won't come out. I have I wear a tall. Yeah, oh yeah, the next I wear a tall But it's still like when I reach up. It still comes out. I learned that the tank top one No, I'm just I never knew that there was this whole world. This is Problem solving raising your arms What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? How tasteful? To my micro-brows, how do I want to say that I've... I'm going to put Brooklyn and dot com one of my sponsors. Yeah, that's the extra money.

Song arrow pointing down. I, uh, those are my dates. I, uh, pouch. A confin made it. I have, hilarities. I'm doing it. I think they make, uh, I think they make, uh, little baby suspenders that hook, uh, come on. And then you hook them onto your underwear.

So it keeps them from, right? Yeah. I think they make that. What's the actual way you're reaching your hands up? He's got to move at some point and it's a risk. It's a risk that some fat comes out. Why don't you bring out a wife joke? What a brave joke he's told. I hope you get fat, y'all.

Nothing will make me, I can't wait to get out. I just can't believe we're troubleshooting you, raising your arms. What are we gonna do? Do you know how funny it's gonna be if I do raise my eyes in my fucking little bell? Because if you take my shirt off you find It's just the fact guy. Yeah, but if you see peace

Yes, enough. Yeah, it's like what was that? Yeah, you wore your pants pretty low. I don't You're like a trucker getting out of his cab like you just see enough to like I'm gonna have to think of something now, but here's the here's the sad of it in your head You can't crush that whole set but the minute that little belly pops out, you'll be thinking about that the whole time. Me? All of you, too. Everybody's gonna get a shot.

But everyone else is under there. You know, it's not like it's not gonna be like, a shot, like, oh my God, it guys fat. They can see that. No, you can't because you're a fucking elite is cock sucker from fucking Queens. Broke like, broke like, broke like, it's fucking broke like, no,

because he makes you mad, that's what I say. You got me again on that, by you mad. Yeah, I say it Listen But you can hide it you understand you hide it so when so it's not so obvious Do they have spanks poppy don't wear spanks. Why? It's gonna be so uncomfortable. You're gonna look like, you know what? Wait, when you said that, like you've wore, never in my life, but you'll look like, when we were in Popeye with squeeze a can in the middle, you're gonna look like an hourglass, weirdo.

There we go. Look at that. Oh, there we go. He doesn't need spanks. Oh, yeah, wear spanks like that super muscley guy. Dude, put fact in spanks. I just fucking problem solved. What?

Overalls. Yeah. Overalls. Yeah overalls I'm solving the problem for you are overalls. Why my day your pants can't come up. How about a poncho? No one's ever heavy in a That's a great bill Dad That's a great Billy dad dad that's like my dad's bill Little peanut little peanut pop that's a girdle. I don't want a girdle. I want there

Which one right there Just fucking rewrite the bit Bobby, why don't you try to get 19 20 strong man? Yeah Just point down instead of up. Those are the by the way that one that shows how the girdle works. You know, DXL knows how to make you feel good though as you're walking out because they have like as you're checking out all the things you're happy you don't quite need yet where it's like, hey, we also sell C-P belt extenders for planes or also a button extender of these pants Can you do a small mic these pants are fine? That's you doing?

I'm in the smallest level this store Do you have a do you have a sea belt expended you have to use that? No, I never had thank God. Those are the most Never on one plane never my life stop it. I swear to God, but I'll tell you what's well look at that Not when you were that big on on the other thing. No, but I'll you what's what I find weird and and there's no way you're on a plane No, you see that guy with that Now I would say do it shirtless like that guy above

Can you concentrate on the jokes folks That's a fucking tumor. That's a fucking tumor. That's a great. That's a good hippo with his mouth closed. That looks like a hippo. Like if I was tiny, I'd want to look like a hippo. Yeah, that's always the greatest line. It looks like Snoopy. Yeah.

It looks like Snoopy looking on a down angle sort of. Yeah, it does. Wow. Yeah, that's good. I've met, I met, I'm from Philly. So, you know, I remember the guy who went, who went in the wing eating contest, L winged door every year.

Classy plays Philly. Oh, super, super classy. But no, you know what I never understand, I get, you know, and Reston piece Ralphie May, but when someone, he's a good example of someone I know who was like that heavy. Ralphie. And you see someone like that,

and I would always be blown away that like, where's the wake up call? I already have to shop at like a specialty size store. Like if I just start bringing along extras like, don't worry, I'll make your normal people seat belt work for me. That seems like a thing where you're like, I don't know, man, I'm just, I'd have to do something about it. You know, that's funny, brother, because I thought that when I,

I was in a, we were out of, in Montreal, we were like, at one of those theaters doing like one of those showcase shows that they put on, and it was like a block from the high it. And, and, and he was like He was like I'm gonna need the van. He's like I was like that hit me. I was like wow Ralphie by the end walk a block at Bonnaru. They had a card him everywhere and he had a guy Following around with a chair because everywhere we went to watch music Whatever he'd have to say and he would fall asleep in front of I mean

Bonnaru in in the front of the pit there in front of the stage. And Pat Benetar is killing it. Pat Benetar lighting the place on fire. Her second version of your heartbreaker. Um, he was at that. He was like, not off. Like he was just nodding off and it's just when you're that big, you just can't not be sick. I'm actually trying. I'm, I'm going to, I figured out that that I can't I don't do five things good

I do one or two things good. Yeah, I keep forgetting that and it's so hard You have a kid you get all this shit. You're on I mean we're on the road every fucking week man I but you know Dave you know you know you guys know I I mean I'm on the road September from September until January I'm not complaining. Yeah, but picking up on Thursday, coming back on Sunday or Monday, doing things during the week, podcasting and all this shit, and then leaving again, and by yourself, you can't do drugs, you can't drink, you can't fuck, you can't do anything anymore,

you know, you don't wanna go on party, I'm fucking, I don't wanna go on party. How about the hotel gym? No, but when you see that guy in there, you always like, who is this weirdo that he's working out that hard at a gym I hear that I fill my time of food like with Well for one for one for one for one for one I do I feel like I was food. I spoke no, I mean I do smoke weed

So I definitely have like vices that you know those guys that bug me too. I'll tell you why you bug sure Because I've known you for years and you've been big for years But anytime I've gone out with you. I've never seen you eat That's one of my favorite stories ever we have coming back from I got the taco salad from Wendy's I gotta talk. We stared at me. This is by the way. This is shredded Bobby It was a Paul to what I'm doing right now This cock sucka I gotta go to Wendy's we pull in the Wendy's the taco salad. I'm like, I've been working on a hamburger. I was so mad. I was like, I've been working on your three days, you fat fuck. I go, what are you

eating? Where are you sneaking it? You fat fuck. You go, Bobby, I just, this is about it. I go, fuck you. You didn't get this big with taco salads. I would treat you like, I was, that was the best I go. Bobby, I actually don't eat a ton and you just went, then how did that happen? You were trying to pull that one off. I don't know, like it's a bad metabolism. But I think it looks as weird now

is when I do genuinely eat sales because I'm trying to eat sales. But I made, right, Bobby's saying I was more trying to pass it off from like, it's crazy, right? This is just how I've always eat which is not the case at all All back girls do they just eat in secret. Oh, no, not me and then oh That was tough. I got a slow metabolism. That was tough hanging with

As much as I hung out with Dave Smith that was always a such an interesting thing because I just ate with him all the time So we'd go back to my place like late night and stop at whatever was the way to be McDonald's or sandwiches or cheese sticks. And then it was always funny because I go, man, how do we eat the same? And you're just like a skinny dude. What one is metabolism, but two is also watching a guy like have like a, you know, say a subway sandwich and leaving like each just a little over a half of it. You're on and then like of course, why am I fat because I'm staring at this thing the whole time and I'm like,

hey, we're gonna throw these out and then taking three more bites of his and the way to the fucking trash can. Oh, yeah, looking at his family. Yeah, you look lonely. Exactly. I'm like, why is Dave's team? That was your king. He got out of the subway. Wait, was that what kind of toss half his sandwich? I've never seen such a thing. That was your kink. Hang it on. It's so weird.

It's all half a sandwich. Hey, have you throw that out for you, sir? We throw it out for you. I've never seen it. No, Jay, when we were driving back from someplace, we were working on the road. And we went for the cheese steaks, the Philly cheese steaks. That's the thing where it's like a treat,

because you're like, it's a Philly cheese steak. So you've got to eat like seven of them if you can. And I like you just have to. So that's like that, that like, you know, celebration're like, it's a Philly cheese thing. So you gotta eat like seven of them if you can. And I like you just after. So that's like that, that like, you know, celebration eating is like the worst. You got so worse. Is that what it is? No, I don't got a sweet tooth. So it's all food.

It's just excess. You love food. Yeah. I've got a bad sweet tooth. Oh, I love cakes. Yeah, me too. Me cakey. Cakey.

Yeah. We're going to call you that from now on. I please do. Cakey. That's the world call you that from now on. Kiki, that's the world's worst nickname. Kiki, Kiki, Kiki. That's like the nickname you give to an adoptive kid. Like, we're not going to really love this kid, so we'll just give him like a Kiki. Do you like cookies?

Oh, yeah. Oh, man, as a kid. You know those Anthem and Bach things? I used to eat those like I would eat those before I would get high. And then I need another one when I got like, you eat cookies. Yeah, like soft. They have good donuts too. I would take a thing of fried rice over any sweet. Really? Like right now. If we get a king, I'll have a grain yeah, King John I got dude. I will take a fuck any rice dish. I am in love with I would love to just rock with Chinese people

Fucking love rice love. I love proteins and rice rice and gosh Love it. So how did this happen? Rice rice and gosh, I love it. So how did this happen? Yeah, I hope you have a kid. I hope you're spending it real nice. I love fish. Well, you know what I love? I hope sweet potatoes. I don't do you Bobby. I love fish. I eat a whole Marlin every day. I hope me and Jerry get shredded. Oh, we're gonna. And then, and then fatty bumble-outty over here. He gets a nice kid with his hot chick. And in around 10 years, those two fatty show up with his salad.

We stop care. It's too hard. I got full of kids, Bobby. My dick works too good. No, you get older and the metabolism stops. Yeah. Me and you were fucking doing testosterone. Fucking hanging out with Rogan. Yo, let's talk to you every single thing. I'm gonna bang out some dips on the stair.

Good. Jay, throw over that kettlebell, PJ. Yeah. It's funny how like when I was younger, like you would see like a fat guy or whatever, like my dad, like you know, his know his horrible shape you know his diabetes on stuff is like but I'd say up until like maybe six weeks before he died he could kick my kick my ass just like just like through just pure rage pure rage I mean he would stop to snack probably

but take a sip like bite of a snickers that's why I was like see these thing guys at the gym and I'm like you know why like why do you have to be that thing you know I'd rather be like just like hard you know I'm like, part of a snickers. That's why I was like, see these thing guys at the gym and I'm like, you know, why? Like, why do you have to be that thin? You know, I'd rather be like, just like hard, you know what I'm saying? It's full of jokes. What happens is that these guys in their 40s and they, you know, 30, late 30s, 40s and they just rock onto the gym, gym, gym, gym.

And they're single and they're doing it and they go to the gym. There will be a time where life, when you do have a kid, you know this, you, you had a kid early, but when you have a kid and you, you have a house and you go, you pay those bills and you're not really doing that lifestyle anymore, that kind of keeps you thin. Yeah.

Uh, it catches up to you, man. And, and going to the gym is not this fucking option anymore. It's, you know, you're exhausted at nine o'clock. It's true. Nobody really gets smoking too. So that's another thing. Nobody ever had any very few people have a ripped dad. When you think back your dad, like, my nobody, nobody's dead. My step pop was, he was like, a weightlifter got my mom at him though. So weird.

Just a former co-cat weightlifter. Some co-hag gang in your mom. It was. It's the girls. They would go together. Tiny 30 or like dick. I'm not a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. this up man Dave. What's up Dave? Where are you at? Let's go. Oh, please help me Yes, I'm doing good at uncle Vinnie's I can't wait for that gig. I've never played there

But then hilarious and Cleveland. I've done uncle Vinnie's a ton of time. I heard it's great. I've never been there I tell you what here's why here's why it's great you go in yeah, they're great You see you just go in the back office shit there. They bring you up real quick. The guy does 20. I love it. Go up. Small little stage murder out. And they're cool. And he pays you right. I love it. He pays good. I love it. Jersey. I just did it. It was really fine. I actually really like it. I expected very little. They hot. But they love us. They treat you nice to the guys. You know, they're higher guys. They like. Well, that one I'm totally hilarious. There you go. Hilarities Cleveland. Great club. I like it. I love that guy too. What's

this? Oh, I will definitely try and hook you up with that. No, I already been there. And last time I went to Cleveland last time I played the, I just booked a rock club and played. And then you would kill there. You would do. He came and he was like, I want to get you back in the club. I got to get you back. And I was like, let's do it. And, you know, I don't know. I think there's a disconnect from him booking and somebody else. Well, I will, I will. I love that guy. Great club. Great guy. And then Caroline's for me. Beautiful steakhouse upstairs. Yeah. Great. Caroline's Christmas week. It's the, it's the week of choice for me. And I love it.

Usually a lot of fans come in a lot of tourists. So it's going to be good. I'm going to be there with Sam Morel and Joe, Joe Mackie and then Louis Katz. It should be great. Great. Stick around for this. If you're listening right now, don't tune out. Oh, I'm sorry.

No, stick around. And then the Masonic where I'm there with Jay. Well, this is the deal. When you look at this stuff, first of all, stick around. This is the part we need you to just listen to real quick. The dates where these guys and girls are going to be. Very important. This is why we do all this stuff.

This is why they come on the show. You know, the plugs at the end. So stick around, just listen. It's a couple more minutes of the show. Don't tune out. And funny stuff is said in between. Sometimes I give a little... I feel like a jerk.

Yeah, a jerk. Shut it now. Nice date reading day. Okay, sorry. No I get like a jerk. Yeah. Yeah. We're gonna shut it now. Nice date reading day. Okay, sorry. No, you should, dude. Go to DavidTel.com for more info. Let's switch it up and let's go. Count Bacy.

What? Count Bacy. Can you not just say random shit? I'm so sorry. I'll be out of the business by then. So, there's no way this is getting to 2018. She goes all the way down to the end. I'm trying

to get people to listen. She's like, Count Basie. I'm down. Oh, it's like, would you shout up Gabby? So sorry. Who are we going to now? Jay, right? It's going to Jay. Go to Jay. Sure. Well, look at that. There we go. All right. What do you got? Oh, here's a better fight. Comedy at Carlson. We're fuck, oh, that's the speaking Rochester. Did they move to that club? I just got offered that. Is it a good club? I hear it's great. I did the old one.

They moved it now on Rochester. The guy's great. The guy loves calm. I like when a club owner gets it and treats you well, it's great. I just got an offer for it. And I'm going to take it. Oh, yeah, I just got the offer today.

I think I'm going to take it. It's a 45 minute flight. Yeah, last time I got arrested. Really? You're flying to Rochester? It's nine hour drive. I just flew to Buffalo. I felt like a total loser.

But nine hours a lot. I thought of why you're so fast. I did that. The first time I did the club on the old spot, he took me to the farm I worked on. I worked when I was in Rochester. I worked on a farm. Really? Yeah, I was a, because the jewelry, the jewelry department, the jewelry department

maybe working on this farm. Oh, work farm for, it was me and this other asshole, we had a work there. It was a retarded kid. A new man farm. By the way, I want to put out for the record this infuriates me. I managed by Dave Kimwitz, who is an owner of the stand, and I've begged them a thousand times, why do they put my fucking weekend spots here on my foot? I hate that. I thought you were bragging. Oh, I hate that. I hate you. You're going to be at the stage. I apologize. I think it's so lame. The guy up there, back to my story, Jay, before you get into your fucking stomach. Look at me. Stop looking at your fucking website

and look at me. You're fucking right here. I'm well. Well, they want to make it look full like David tell schedule My schedule is pretty full That guy took me took me to my last stoke place. I got arrested took me to my old house The last place I have a drink or use drugs was in Rochester The last place I have a drink or use drugs was in Rochester. 30 years ago. You stopped doing drugs like 13 to 15. Up in Rochester, Spencer, Port New York, which is right near the club.

He took me to all my spots the last time I ever drank, took me to the grocery store where I got arrested for taking the gum home. Was it emotional for you at all? It was weird. It was really with, go to the farm and then go to my house where I lived, I remember sitting in the parking lot just drinking and getting fucked up. If you want a million miles away from it and then just still having it come out, yeah.

30 years ago, that was the last place I drank, the last time I got arrested was there. The guy was a real great guy. You're at the stand on December 29th. You didn't December 30th. You're at the stand on the hard for funny bone. And you do comics comedy mix. Where's that Vancouver? Great. Great. Great club. Yeah. It is Vancouver's awesome. The flight there is so expensive. It's expensive. And they don't pay it for that. It's seven hours. They don't pay for that. It's a hard flight. They give you like a half of the flight. And they know the flight from New York is a good eight to 900 bucks. And they'll give you like four bills for that shit. It's a buyout. Yeah, but it's like, and then you got to pick Canadian taxes too. You do. That's right. Hell here. They love them.

I just play a stand. I go to Jay, what's his website? What's it called? BigJayComedy.com. BigJayComedy.com. You got Austin coming up too, man. Cap City. Cap City. Don't play there.

That's a great club. You don't play there? You don't play there, man? Nope. Don't want to. No, I would love to. They don't fuck that. What was that guy?

Or the girl? Is that, is that Rich Miller? Dennis Miller's brother, right? I'm not sure if he still books it or not. Whatever. But you would kill it there, buddy. I know I will. I get to go to Bucky's finally.

Yeah, what? Bucky's is kind of a wall wall like play some Texas. Like nothing. Is it any of the real bravos? What you said? I love Texas. It's like they they went to wall was like let's bring that here and they. I was at it, but it is neat. You played San Antonio, of course

We just got a little well. No, I was just it. Okay, okay Okay, don't bring it back Hey, if you love if you love like food, that's a great town for food San Antonio. I we didn't mean it's out of the weekend Oh, you did yeah, what you said I was terrible love first time I ever met He was hanging around like a little fucking serial killer. I was like, this guy want to suck my dick or hang out. So we want to hang out. I I will. We're still farming then or no? No, no, no, as a kid farmer. I took him to the mall. I took a little mushy mic to the mall and then you know, the Arab dudes have those electric massaging pads and I put it all of

a Mike's body and I put it up to fucking ten and you just saw Mike going I was just electrocuted him. It was so adorable and then we went and had a what was it? I went to the car, it was just next door and I had to do a caricature of us but me electrocuting him with his hair sticking out And then we went and got a three pound three pound honey bun Every time you get a car Three pound honey bun. By the way Bobby's a great road travel

But he will use you to him use himself. We did Arizona 15 years ago. Wow. We went to Arizona I went to a mall and walked around and in there was a big arcade in the mall They had a mechanical bull, but it wasn't up and running and walked around and in there was a big arcade in the mall that had a mechanical bull, but it wasn't up and running. And Bobby went and paid a guy 40 bucks. If he would turn it on, the guy that worked there, he went and turned it on and he made me climb on the thing and it just hilarious.

They just, you know, like, when they try to get girls like, tits to pop out of the thing, you just started setting it that right away. I was scared and just falling off. And Bobby is laughing and be falling around all over the state. Just use them. And again, this is shredded Bobby. So it looks like you just brought me there to pick on me. Yeah. Katie, what do you got? Kate. I just have a bunch of shows in the city. Oh my God. Who's that with you? Oh, that's Karin. This is a she mad at you. Yeah, she's always mad. Uh huh. This is um, that's just one show that I do. What is that?

Let's go pick this is a show. Uh, oh my god. Look at you go back to that. Yeah. What is that? This is my I had Like, I was over the summer and this was my photo that I did. I like to do photo portrait. You're so photogenic. You're really great. Eyes. Look at that. Really. You're so amazing. You look great. Thanks guys. I mean, you're a pretty girl, but who are the other people? Like that pretty. That rose, but that's Roseba Baker, who I was battle. When you insult somebody and nobody else, Diego Lopez.

Diego Lopez. Yeah. Good night. But yeah, I just have a bunch of spots coming up in the city. I have a, I have a show coming up in. Wow, look at all the spot. That's a show coming up in. Wow, look at all the spot. That's a lot. Thank you. Yeah, but you're all eight minute spots. Okay. Yeah. I am doing a show on January 9th. It's the laughable showcase at the Village Underground. And they

said that they asked you to be on a day. When is it January 9th? I really don't put that forehead, but honestly, if I'm around, I'll do it. You got to do it. What is the, what is the, what is the theme of it? Let me explain to you. Lavable is actually an amazing app. We're going to do it at the end of the day. Oh, that, I know, I know you're talking about it. Lavable is, if you like podcasting, at all, if you listen, you should only use laughable. You should go to laughable, download it right now on your iPhone. That's it. If you listen to any of us on podcasts,

because what they do, that's amazing. Number one, you can buy tickets. You can buy tickets to my Chicago show right now on laughable.com. You can buy, if you see my show, go to my show. And then you'll see all these people that were on this show. And then click on them, and it will show you

every other show they've ever been on. And then you can find new shows as a guest. So you're finding new comedy shows by liking one show. You'll find not five, ten hundreds of other shows with these guests. They work their asses off. It's the most amazing app out there for podcasting. If you are a podcast person and you don't use laughable, you're dumb.

You're dumb. I'm not kidding you. And they're doing a show and you're on it. And they put their comics, they have a bunch of comics that they love. And they do these shows over at the pussycat and the village underground. And the shows are awesome.

So by the tickets, go to Comedy Cell, go to the laughable show, by the tickets now, they sell out so don't be stupid and show up that night. And download the app, it's an amazing app, laughable app right now on iTunes. Okay, so what do you got? I think my website's down right now. Jesus Christ, why is it down?

Why is it down? I need to pay your picture. That's my it down? I need to pay for the picture. That's my Twitter, but I need to pay for it. But I think I only got three bucks a month. Uh huh. It's been a weird couple months. Three bucks a month. I know.

I should have done it. What happened? It kept sending me the emails that like notifying me. Don't you have a web guy? Yeah. So just send it to him. I know. Can somebody help you, honestly?

Get his phone. And this is sad. Yeah, it's sad. It's sad. I saved you for last. My to him. I know. Can somebody help you, honest, please? Get his phone. Oh, this is sad. Yeah, it's sad. It's just where I saved you for last. My career is, you know, not going good. I said no, it is. First of all, let me tell you that. Look at that sold out, too.

Oh, wait a minute. What a baseball game is that? Hey, look at what it is. Let me go down a little. I want to tell you something. Throw that a little more to the, I want to scroll down more. Whoa, look at that. Come on. Keep going to the video. You know the video. I want the boys. Give me the boys. This is not for you.

Dutch boys. What? Ridge boys. Yeah. Oh, do you like it? Yes. Thank you. These guys, whoa. First of all, Janice has the best videos from back in the day. The ones he did. The new ones he does now. Ditch now ditch and he's got ditch films is great but this new and you don't have chris he did yeah jim surpico just film the last one ice producing out screly you guys are fucking killing it and it's called the bayridge boy's a yeah check that out please but the average boys dot com where can they go where do they go to the original

where they can see my facebook fan page or Chris D's Facebook fan page? Bay Ridge Boys ball taps or the new one is called what's the new day out? Beautiful. Next one's the second one we just released is called thank you for your service and we are filming the third one in a couple days. Very fun and they're killing it.

Yeah, they're doing great. Yeah, thank you. I mean thousands of views hundreds that hundreds of thousands of views. It's killing it. Yeah, I mean thousands of views hundreds of thousands of views. It's killing it. Go check it out. You two are hilarious together. I love you. Go, when can I be in a fucking bayridge? Figure it out. Come on. Yeah. Do something with spanks. I'll be a teacher. Thank you. Hey, why? Can I go first? Oh, sorry. I'm in fucking union. Oh, yes, sorry. So what do you have you have any sir Q's funny bones at some point? I don't remember the date are you all right? I just don't remember Dave give me the 40

I can't have his website down is gonna taste Carnegie Hall one day. I'm kind of weird like militant. You Americans. I'm the one. The problem with the blacks. The oil horse will never win. The guy that's going to be here. I just want to try to. Just follow me on Twitter.

Yeah, just try to find you. But Syracuse Buddy B books coming up at some point. At some point, it's coming up very soon. If they book it, if they know it's book, it's book. I will be at the Syracuse. All right, you got you got me. What do I got? Oh, Yonkers Wednesday, which is going to be passed.

But we got my happy. That's going to be passed to because it's next week. Brokage. This if you listen to live this week,'m at yankers uh... tomorrow night i'm given this club a shot it's five minutes down the road i've walked by a million times it's under new management the guy supposed to be cool

nick uh... nick the paul said it's good he does another room up there too so i'm giving it a shot it's tomorrow night uh... mahalphy theater with mr. mike kta, this Friday, which I can't wait. The brokerage on Saturday, and then got them Motherfucker Comedy Club. Buy your fucking tickets now. Yeah, do it.

The 22nd, 23rd, right before Christmas. Let me make you laugh. That would be a great show. Yeah, it's gonna be a great show. It's me, too cute, and John Fish, who I really, I really, John Fish is just a great show. It's me, too, too cute, and John Fish, who I really, I really, John Fish is just a funny motherfucker. He's really great.

He's hosting, so come, and I'm at the fun, I am at the funny bone Albany. I think then, no, the funny bone Albany has to be, that's off. We switched that. It's gone. It's gone. So take that off.

Looks like with all these New York gigs, I'm gonna have a lot of competition. It's used. The funny is Ben, New York is, I'm going to have a lot of competition to use. The 20's been in New York this year. Ton of dates up there right now. So please go check that out. And I can't. And what the fuck else is I'm going to tell you? Oh, the tonight show next Thursday.

Oh, yeah. 21st. Check that out. I'll be on the tonight show. That's this Thursday. We're going to solve that belly coming out probably. It's a problem. You guys the best. Oh, sorry, we're going to get everybody else. the tonight show that's this Thursday. We're gonna solve that belly coming out problem. It's a problem.

You guys are the best. Oh, sorry, we're gonna get everybody else. Yeah, sorry, dude. Michael, Michael, I'm so sorry. That's okay. I'm headlining a quarter of a day. I used to go last and I went first. That should, that's okay.

I wear you at, let me do it for you. Where are you at? Muskeet Street Comedy Club in Corpus Christi. Muskeet, who are you with? I'm headlining what yeah i'm doing comedy for fifty years fifty

seven uh... party headlight my own we get off your phone you fucking third get off your phone to the other shop yeah we're still on point he just got it he went to take a piss You get off your phone you like it. They're gonna be about you You you were on your phone before you're in the cuz the fucking sound is off. I'm fucking website

Oh, you like a fucking chicken the front row you make me sick I'm my crazier is just the episode of a We just do it. We just figure it out. Where are you at? Where are you at? So put your first you want to know if we're gonna stick get a stick. Oh, turn it. Yes. We are tells me Yeah, okay, if it's verzy fucking tell me I'll say open it. Yes, put them on the line. Verzy. What's up? Yeah, so over now Yeah, no, we're gonna burn one down Bobby said yes. Yes. We already had one before. We're gonna do two

We're going down I'll make you there version. What do you mean Bobby said yes? No, I'm saying we're going Bobby's going we're going what the fuck do you mean? I don't determine I can't He's been a little I think he's been a little snappy lately. No, I'm a snappy at him. He's I'm a little I'm a little upset with Bobby a little bit just a little of the little of the little bit just a little bit I love the guy treat me like you know oh verzy treat you like a mom of a good

a bunch of the cops they treat you like he's treating you like a is he treating you like a do-it-out yeah he's trying to call him up

nothing we don't talk he says you talk I'm trying to call him up. Talk about the Hollywood nothing. Nothing. You know, we're done. We're done. We're done. He says you talk. No, we didn't talk. Yeah, we did. We talked the other day.

And I was like, dude, I'm going there. You call me when you get back. I was like, all right. And then you texted me, hey, you want to get a bat? And I was away. I haven't talked to you since you were doing videos from the ocean. In a room. What a fault, fight.

All right. Take it. Go up to your neck and clear blue water. I'm going to go work this out. I'm going to pay for bats. I'm going to camp on my way to Seoul. I'm my car's in Midtown. I'm taking a cab over there. I'm coming over there now. All right. We'll see. We'll see over there. Fuck it. Love it. Look at Virzy's determined. Where you ask? I'm at LaVat Laudam San Antonio, the last week of the year for featuring for William Berson. Okay, Gabby, what do you got, Bib?

I'm hosting a show on Wednesday at Understant Mark's Theater. Okay. And then Saturday, I'm on a secret show in Bushwick and that's it for the year. And you got to follow Gabby and these guys on Instagram too. She was busing a bus all weekend, but she, you have a very interesting Instagram. Thank you. And Zach. What do you got?

Zach the new guy. All right, Oscar. That's it. That's Zach the new guy, right? That's what he said. Walking around a story. I'm not I'm not a story. That's how you know, I think you just got. No, I think you told me right? Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm from a story. Yeah. Thank you for coming in, dude. I appreciate you have a good time Awesome, thank you. What about you Oscar? You graduating Masters in what smartest guy in the room and journalism what are you gonna do? You don't need that now. Just right. It's gonna be the only half Mexican half Puerto Rican with a journalist

Yeah, all you have to do is fucking rat rat some comic-elf of being a pervert. Yeah, that's how you get it And then you'll fucking yeah, I got it some stories for you. Yeah Well really Katie-Hannigan once fisted me against my will Her status made me keep my mouth shut She may be suck Ian's dick one time in a holiday and express Hey Ian's dick one time in a holiday and express. Hey, um, yeah, she's out of the bill. Chrome.

Gabby is, she, I was making a front of her because every, every Instagram, she goes, Hey, guys, like this thousand, like this thousand. You look at this three people that liked it. Hey, guys.

And one of them to me. Yeah, you watch everyone at least are loyal. I do. I love you of Instagram feed. So anyways, so you congratulations, dude. All right, we're gonna be next week. I can't thank you guys enough for coming up.

Thanks for having us. This is a hilarious show. And I can't thank you fans enough. Please make sure you support us at our live shows. Go to them if we come to your town. Spread the word, fill these fucking rooms. And you guys are the best fans in the world. I'll see you next week. Happy Hanukkah.

Muzzle tough. You know what, dude? Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty, shitty jobs.