Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Hookers and King Tit

Episode Date: February 24, 2014

Robert is joined by Louis Katz, Bill Dawes, Dan St. Germain, Kelly Fastuca and Chris Scopo. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Activa es lúnico. Porque a diferencia de otros, Activa ha demostrado que sus millones de probióticos naturales llegan vivos a la microviota. ¡WOW! Y además ayuda a tu salud digestiva. Activa. 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno,

3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno. Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar tu del 3 por uno en medianas a domicidios solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por uno, 3 por uno... ¡Ah, no, no, no! ¡Dominos!

Pitsa. Buscas contenido gratis. ¡Au, wanna be see! Fluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o sensación de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. March 11th, March 11th. Bonnie and I will be doing a live podcast from the village underground. Alive, my wife hates me. Please go to ComedySuller.com under Feature Events, you can buy your tickets. It is March 11th, 8 o'clock. We will have a celebrity guest, marriage counselor come in. It's gonna be great. It's gonna sell out. So get

your tickets now. commisullard.com, feature event, live podcast. What's up? You know what did Robert Kelly here and you guys know that I just recently bought a car. I moved out to the suburbs and I had to buy two cars, one for my wife and one for me and the anxiety that I felt overdoing that because I know I'm gonna get screwed. I know it's not gonna be fun. I was talking to myself in the car on the way there. That's how crazy it was. Trying to pump myself up. I'll walk out of here if you don't give me a good deal.

Ugh, I said that in the mirror to myself. And you know what? Then I find out there's a better way to buy a car. I heard about TrueCard.com, a new way to buy a car. At TrueCard.com, you actually get to see what others paid for the same car you're looking for in your area so you know you're getting a great price. I went to TrueCard.com and found out what I would have saved. I didn't want to talk about it. I really, I don't want to, I wish I went here before I bought my cars. So you should do the same thing. At TrueCar.com is amazing. You get a saving certificate.

You just need to take your saving certificate to your TrueCar certified dealer. So you don't need to worry about the hassles or the anxieties of the old way to buy a car. TrueCar uses save an average of 3,000 off the MSRP. So, if you're ready to buy a car, why wouldn't you go to TrueCard.com? Negotiation-free, guaranteed savings, a hassle-free experience, and a true car certified dealer that is committed to a new and better way to buy a car.

Save time, save money, and never overpay. Visit truecar.com today. I'm trying to keep it like a comic can I have a bunch of guys on it's just us sitting down and sometimes it's hilarious sometimes it's intense No topics of direction, I love doing it This podcast has no rules Can I get a microphone? I'm sure I've already said to their We're crappy You know what dude?

You know what dude? I know what dude My guest Unblade cast Dude, you know what, dude? I know what, dude! I guess... I'm like a star. I guess... I'm tied! Ah! I...

It... Yeah! Fuckin' Louis Cascillin' nuts. You tell me, we got a totally different crew in here today. Usually that music kicks on and people are fucking playing air drums. You guys are fucking offended. The most offended at the- The most nuts at Merva. At the loudness. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. What the fuck did we- What do we got here today, man? I'm not sure what's gonna happen. What's happening? Uh, here we are, Robert Kelly's. You know what, dude, live. We're doing a special afternoon show

with a whole crew of people that usually aren't on together. Usually you guys are the guests, sister, and we have a new person today, a whole new guest. This is like a new, whole new fucking avenue for the show. I like it. We don't have monkey-liwis breaking shit. Fucking quippy-j Joe throwing out some quips

Dandle now there's rock There's a bunch of quiet funny guys waiting to fucking throw out their fucking Their shit This is great Kelly why don't we go around the room a right to left. Yep, and it you do everybody To my right um cheaper for I never know how to say is it Louis or Lewis? What do you prefer? I'm sorry stop stop you are the worst fucking All right, go ahead sorry wait-in isn't so bad.

Was this bot, you always had this bag-in-body thing going on? Really? No, I did. I never had a bag-in-body. You got one today. Oh, really? I know. Remember, Louis likes black chicks.

Look at the thing is, I put on a bit of white, so I feel it out of me. Bill, think you're fast. Yeah. No, no, no, no. But tits look good, but the rest of me is terrible bill bill likes a nice white girl spated shovel ass Well, no, no, I like I like a fat ass. I don't know about Kelly's ass because their tits are always camouflage Yeah, what's going on with the ass? I didn't even notice her tits till you Bobby brought him up. I was looking at the ass That's what I'm

I'm serious put the mask on you know talk without the mask You know That's what I'm putting the mask on you know talk without the mask What the mask on you got no scobo ass I Which Scobo is advertising for the show There's the YKWD. I'm sick fucking Every second fucking not All right, go ahead Kelly do so you guys okay,. Okay, so to my right loves black chicks and my own us Luke hats. Hey, there you go. Welcome. We're gonna be in a while. Yeah, it's been a minute. Yeah We miss you a little due face. It's beautiful. Bring me back. Okay

And to his right fresh from Broadway picking play and Mickey Mantle and Roundup who gives a shit on that one? That was awesome. And, uh, fresh from. Ooh. Fresh from sending a whole bunch of ladies, dick pics, so he's massive hug. And those real doors.

Real doors. Hey. Oh shit, I see him. Just you Kelly. Ah, lucky. And then a newbie. Um, let us have going on. Not to comment.

No, no, no. No, no not to comment No, that'd be you Co-host was shown donally on my dumb friends. Yeah, huge stuff going on. Yep. We just average 250 listeners less I don't want to brag but it's getting pretty big Steadablaves you get 30,000 Stand up, loves you. You get a stand up, loves you get 30,000. And assistant, that's Dan St. Germain. Welcome to the table, I guess, to the studio. Oh, well thank you.

I'm glad to be here. We're glad to have you. And then, well, and then we'll go, well, we'll save the, you know, the host. Well, we got, we got, well, you don't have to save me at all. It's my, I mean, I think they know. Yeah, we know. Nobody's stumbling on this fucking show.

It's me. We got what we got. There's an occasional, dude, check this out. It is not bad. We got Chris, the sick face scopo, but his hair still looks good. He's mad at me because I made him wear a surgical mask.

Is he allowed to have the nose uncovered? No, you're not. It's what the, it doesn't matter. It's crazy. It doesn't matter. I think it's a good look. You're not getting everybody's sick. You look like a doctor.

Someone might see this video, a cast-agage, and say we should hire him for the new Grey's Anatomy. To be the doctor's co-boh. I do not look like a doctor. No, maybe like a half Asian hobo, maybe. Construction worker. Construction worker, there you go. Yeah, you do.

You're installing it. Insolent. I've done the list. Why couldn't I've done installation why couldn't I say it? Why couldn't I get it out? It was such a perfect joke You look like you're installing installation. I actually have that being installed in my house today And I still mumble mouth wouldn't fucking say and because I got excited that I had a witty one I didn't look dead and so I had a witty one. This is a mock. I didn't look dead inside. Analyze.

Oh, I broke it down into syllables. Anyways, Chris, you leave in the fucking... If you get too hot, raise your hand. I hate you so much. I hate you so much. This is the problem with Scopo. This is the problem with you. Is that you're too cool for school

You're too cool in your fucking realm your parents think you're the shit Girl thinks you're the shit everybody thinks you're the fucking bid at but in our world you ain't shit So you have to learn to know you're fucking worth and be funny I can told you cool is the enemy of funny you're trying to be cool right now All right, you got to learn to be funny. I understand that on your face. Just hearing your mumbled voice makes me giggle inside So hot inside right now. That's because you sick you keeping all the sickness in your own fucking face I should have got the rest for the moment of a fucking thing coming out that lets the air go. What do you mean, respirator? Fucking asshole.

The one that I use at Ground Zero, you need to get in like a duck. Well, that was like $3. These were $2. So I was cheap and you have to do it. I don't like that Kelly did a fucking September 11th joke and tried to disguise it as a relevant joke. Fuck you.

He said construction site. Same thing now. It's the same thing. Ground Zero is said construction site, same thing now. It's the same thing. Ground zero is a construction site. We've moved on. Jesus Christ. All right, so. Fuckin' scofo makes me laugh.

Fuck you, man. So yeah, this is your first time on, Dan. Yeah, man, I was listening to the Jim Norton one yesterday. It was really funny. That's so funny that comics will, they flock to the, like where they, this is why my show, people say it's not as popular as it could be, and I know the direct reason is,

I don't have my friends on, like Norton or Colin, on a consistent, if you look at popular shows, they have very popular, famous people on it. I love fucking non-famous. I like comics. If you're famous, you're not famous, you're coming up in New York. So it's like a comic hang.

But those are the ones that industry will fucking go to the ones with North, and you know, a lot of those ones, like the ones with just us, like comics, who yeah, we have followings, you know, we're all kind of known in whatever Louis I'm just throwing in there. But we you know what I mean but we're not like Norton you know what I mean or you know or a call and or an or Schumer you know but those ones sometimes become interviewee. Right well because like everyone who's like,

on a lower level than them who's there, just happens to be there as afraid of being like, I don't wanna see this thing in the piss of my mouth. I tell you what, we had Buron, fucking God damn soda, that fucking, co-tail fucking corporate douche. He really just didn't wanna do a voice that day. Ah do a voice that day he really tried to be

fucking edgy he actually told me to go fuck myself I'll go fuck yourself what what the fuck is that he started talking I bet he did start talking like I'm to like the only impression he was doing was burr the fucking banks that I agree, Burr, the banks are fucking ruined and you're gonna pay off your house. I gave you self a fucking nice Honda. You know, not a gas guzzle. I own a fucking Prius. I don't give a shit. I'm fucking edgy in the other way.

Have you seen Sodor on those guy court commercials? I have a series show. Oh, I think all. Oh, it's so fucking funny, because like all the guys who come out and it's just like, you know, it's like Andrew Schultz and and like your main foward. They're doing like the whole hip hop like what up? Funny, but I'm also fucking cool and then so don't walks in the frame. Yeah looking like He's like it in a DWI appearance The shitty is suit. I've ever seen looks like a different show. It looks like a judge

Joe Brown show, like in the middle of this cool MTV, you know, any of this depression on his face. It's amazing, you're gonna check it out. It's like watching a period piece and then somebody coming out from like, like Devo with a Devo hat on. Yeah, it is, it is really weird.

That's, I don't want, I can't watch it. And it's not because I'm old, I don't want, I can't watch it. And it's not because I'm old, I just can't, I can't watch comics, because I've done it. I did the VH1 talking head shit. Right. And I tried to make it fucking edgy or funny. You try to make it funny. They don't want that.

No. They do not want edgy. They do not, they want fucking quirky and quippy and non-offensive because they don't want to offend the people that they're supposed to be promoting. Right, right? I did, I did that. I love the 2000s I recorded that yesterday. Right. And they're like, okay, can you do some Indian and Jones and Crystal Skull stuff? I'm like, all right, yeah, sure. Like, but make it like really positive.

Oh, that's the worst fucking movie I've ever seen in my life. I stopped it like I can. I'm sorry, we got to move on. It's so fucking bad. Yeah. They had fucking monkeys. They had monkeys. But the ants, there's no ants.

And the fucking original movie had real thousands of snakes. And they had spiders, real fucking trin, how do you say it? Try, I'm not even going to attempt. try how do you say try I'm not even gonna attempt Band-in four syllables I think you gotta It's not that the syllables of that There's certain words that I can't say Marilyn, Marilyn Tord, um Triantula What is it? Tarantula. Tarantula. I always say triantula

I think that note because I didn't have a father to go. No, it's fucking triantula It's triantula. You fucking it's tarantula and and full-rant the for the for anthropist. I can't say that Whatever that is I sound like the guys like it's philanthropist My mom you actually look like one yeah But it's the worst fun one of the worst movies of all times never mind to come back after the third one The fucking third one which sucked yeah the second one sucked the third one was great first was great

third the second one fucking sucked it's really second one's awesome with the little game oh man they pulled out they do it's crazy and then they it's just like not stop action that second one But that fourth one really is bad like and also there's just an alien for no reason like yeah He just has to put aliens and movies now that's the thing. I don't get it. I don't get it I don't fucking get it one two and three you can kind of believe that's gonna happen You can kind of believe that there's like you know there's an arc and there's this but with the alien ones you like Oh come on now, no, I actually I was okay with that, but I don't know why they had to do.

Like I thought they were just gonna do it at Roswell, which is cool. Oh yeah. That would be, that would make sense. That makes sense. That makes sense. But like why are we, you know, fucking temple, you know what I mean? Like why do we,

or take me, why is there need to be like some, was like some Mayan or some. He has to read something out of the chat room. Good, what did it say? It's that words Lewis Jay Jay Gomez, cannot say. Kelly is funny. So, I'm not saying all. I'm not there yet.

As Lewis saying it. That was very funny. Kelly is very funny. Lewis, but here I'm not there yet. You know where I talk about how horrible you. Don't go there. Fucking, it's really old here's here's what got me about the movie ready the ants it's impossible I'll buy the

skulls I'll buy the aliens what do they answer they fuck this is millions of them they carry that doesn't the giant they're eating people yeah that doesn't exist I know the skulls don't exist, but they say they might. I can deal with aliens. I can suspend my reality with certain things, but when you fucking creating a new ant, I'm not gonna fucking buy it. That sounds like the mummy. That's what the thing's in the mummy, man.

Yeah, but those I can buy because that's, that's kind of- Close your beetles, completely different situation there. Those are kind of like a shittier movie, so you know. Yeah, yeah, exactly. The mummy are able to get away with something. I love the mummy. No, but it does nothing to do with Indian Jones.

I mean, Indian Jones, that's a classic trilogy. And then it's just really... Because technology, again, where technology does help movies, some movies, like the Matrix, it fucking ruins movies, like Indian Jones. It's just, it's, it's, it's, it's Star Wars. Yeah, absolutely. Chaja Banks suck a dick. Yeah, the big, the big battle is one cartoon versus another cartoon. There's no real fucking people.

Just two cartoons fighting each other in some, like a video game. It was nothing better than, than, than seeing a real, uh, all the real animatronics in Star Wars. Yeah, yeah, there's nothing better than seeing a fucking fake bolder rolling down a fake thing and he runs in the real spiders, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking crawling on his back, that's fucking nuts. And then falling into a pit of snakes,

even though they were all bowers, you can see, none of them were dangerous. They were all just wrapped around you and maybe you take him off Seen an Edward where he's like rolling with the Where that's seen in Edward where they've got like the squid and the squid's dad or whatever and he's just rolling So great. Yeah, like it doesn't take a lot to make a movie great, but it takes very little to ruin it Yeah, wow somebody write that down. Did I say that?

Yeah, it was genius. Did I fuck out even know what I meant? I just came out of it. Say it again, say it again. That was art. I think that was art, because I don't even know what the fuck that was. Anyways, Bill Dawes, you, your vines,

are the worst vines I've ever seen. First of all, I'm not one of these guys who has a DP for their vines andines and goes out and thinks about I just see shit on the street and I try to find it What's wrong with that like I don't I don't put a thought into it? Are you guys like big vines? Hang on He's cutting out on you It's a really really slow. Thank God. We don't talk about my fucking vines right now Well, you know what? Stop it and go, I don't know what you wanna do. No, that's his fucking cell service.

How can I fucking help him get a better phone? I don't know, I'm just saying it to you so you can't yell at me later on. I don't yell, listen. Listen, I'm really getting sick and tired of you saying that you're like an abused child. This is his fucking problem. This fucking asshole, he fucks me when I leave.

I call him on everything, literally fucks the video, fucks all the shit up, fucking glitz people steal shit out of the studio, and I'm like, fuck you, but I yell at him. That's like, he's the victim. I'm the fucking victim. You're the fucking robber. You're the fucking burglar. You're the rapist. I'm telling you now, fucking robber. You're the fucking burglar. No, I'm telling you now fucking raped me and now somehow

You're the victim you fucking mask wear and fuck Okay, you say that to me again you fucking asshole. You can go take a chair over there and just sit there in the fucking regular person chair I'm just telling you now so when when the video is not as good. He won't let you know. He'll yell it you have one said a later, because you still got yelled at. Yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone could hear it. So listen, you won.

Good work. I hate victims. Here's a deal. You won. The feed is cutting out like the 80s of, I don't know. Here's a deal. I can't fucking help them. That's not me, right? Yeah. Is that me, I don't know, here's the deal. I can't fucking help them.

That's not me, right? Yeah. Is that me? I don't know, I don't know if it's the... Who's running the board? What do you mean the board, this? Yeah, me. It's me, yeah.

But I don't wanna, I'm just letting you know. Kelly, you're doing video from now on. You're a video. What's the board? That's not a good sign if you have another board. What's the board? This kid, I good sign. If you know what the board is I swear to God he is fucking the worst. Are you afraid Bobby the one day? He's gonna fucking snap and come here. Okay, listen He's not gonna come over the NAKs you can move the bat. He's from Queens

All right, and I'll take a nice hot one to the neck Let me taste them. I got a lot of anger too. I'll fucking take a hit now fucking smack. Hopefully I'll sneak up on him I'm always getting to his car and queens. I'll come after him too. I'll recover. I'll take the eight months in the hospital I'll do physical therapy and then I'll get a nice ski mask and I'll fucking go right behind you a little fucking stupid Car your parents gave you right when you're picking up a goddamn money for your fucking trash When you're picking up a goddamn money for your fucking trash killer Frank right in the back of you fucking head sucka punch you like you've never been sucka punch I mean, you think it's gonna be a fair fight. You're out of your fucking mind a young buck. I'm not fair fighting you He's gonna want to bring it up fighting. I never said anything

I'll push you down a flat as I'd be like you did a great job today you go Right down the stairs have you ever ever suckered much somebody before? Dude, I'm the king of the stuff. Dude, let me tell you something. When I was drinking, when I was 13, 14, that was my thing, because I was never, I was, listen, I just wanted to be loved. What's wrong, man?

I'm not kidding you. I was a kid. All as I wanted was to be loved. That's it. And I can't tell you how fucking scared it was the people I hung out with and the abuse I took. So I learned how to attack first. Especially in fighting.

My theory was I'm going to hit you as hard as I can So I hope that you go out so that I don't have to take a beating You know what I mean right that didn't work out a lot I feel a lot of guys and then they're just like fuck there's nothing worse than being scared and Using all your your superhero powers, right? And hitting somebody and then they go, what the fuck? And you go, I'm done. Like that was all I had.

That was everything I had. I got nothing, there's no more superhero powers. I'm done. That's like, you know, fucking when Iron Man was gonna shoot through the fucking monster and he said, you're going to you lose all your powers. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm, I'm lose all your powers. Something like that. Yeah.

I'm moving. We're in danger with that. I'm moving with he and good fellas. Yeah. But nah, yeah, I fucking, you never hit anybody. I mean, I've got my ass kicked a lot. I don't know the whole lot of people talk about that. I've definitely got my ass kicked a lot.

Hang on one second. Now, he's got me fucking paranoid. Hang on, I want to get into this because this is very interesting that no one's That people usually bring up that they Fight nobody really brings up that they got their ass kicked and I've been I've gotten my ass kicked a lot too Hang on one second. I just want to go back. Everybody in the room just hang on So anyways, yeah, I I used to suck a punch all the time because I didn't have I wasn't a tough guy I want to hang it up up hanging out with tough guys

just to belong and have friends because I really didn't have anybody. So I had to fake be a tough guy which, and I learned a lot of anger which dude I'm so funny, bring this up. My anger is not anger, it's fear. Of course. It's terrible fear that I'm gonna be hurt again and it comes out or take an advantage of

And it comes out and fucking you cock sucker now shit with him right here. That was all that's like I called that my honey moon And I don't really give a fuck I'm not really mad at him. I would never Chris in a million fucking years. That's my honey moon shit And I do that with my wife sometimes I'd be be like, yeah, yeah, I hope you have fucking tripped on your face. You know what I mean? It's an updated honey bro. I love you.

Thanks, Um, fucking, I hope you died. But I used to hang out with these guys. And here's the thing, I used to hang out with guys that, if you don't fucking fight him right now, I'm gonna beat the fuck up. Oh, shit. My friends would fight me if I didn't fight him. Then rather see me fight this guy and take a beating, then to be a pussy.

You understand, too? Yeah. It's the, I remember the first time I fought, I got the shake kicked out of me and didn't cry. I was so proud of myself. Not knowing the emotional fucking ties to my heart and who I am, I just severed. I literally cut them. And I've been trying to repair, like plug wires back in

and fix wires for the last 28 years. Trying to find where I unplug, where I severed those cords to my fucking who I am and put them back in because now Married and I I have a kid and it's like I you know me my wife gonna fight the other day And I got mad because it was a like I got a you know the pressure of Moving in the the the house and the construction and having a baby in the road and this fucking business and the Ops and the and then one little person fucks that up.

My wife doesn't do something and then doesn't do it again. And all of a sudden, it's three things in a row that she just didn't listen. Now I'm like, what the fuck, who are you? You're against me. That bullshit. Like you're out there, and then you fucking, you know, and it's like, I can't do that anymore.

That's like the old shit. It's like luxury, like anger's luxury. Yeah, that's like the old shit. It's like luxury like anger's luxury It's anger is just fear man. Angus just fear turned inside out. It's it's not I don't think it's insecurity I really I'm not insecure. I'm afraid You know what I mean? I'm afraid that some the person that I love the most and trust the most is fucking Taking advantage of me like everybody else's Yeah, you know what I mean? And I will fucking scream at you, you fuck.

Don't you fuck cause I can't hit her. I can hit her, it'd be way easier. It'd be way easier. I can fucking, don't do that. Wow. I didn't even run away. I could suck a punch in my wife. How long does it take you to realize after you have a

little episode, it's like, oh, I fucked up. Does it take you days or hours or way? Immediately. While I'm doing it now, while I'm doing it because I have a little of those episodes, like, oh, I fucked up. Did they take you days or hours or whatever? Immediately, while I'm doing it now, while I'm doing it because I have a son. When you yell and there's a kid in the room, they look at you with a, they go into a trance. Wow. It's a weird thing.

And I'm not talking like, the way I, look, I fucking yell, I snap. I don't, I raised my voice last week, and hopefully it'll be the last time ever. Well, I don't want to do it anymore. It's just not worth it. And they go into a trance, kids go into a trance. I can't imagine. Now I think of my childhood and the hits and the punches and the screaming and seeing my mother get hit and my sister and the, I'm like, oh my god. Yeah, I couldn't, how the fuck do you do that?

How do you yell and scream in front of a baby or a child? I don't fucking get it, but that's a whole mother thing. When you remember the first time you kind of flipped like that on your wife, did she freak out? Was that when did she first saw that side? Yeah, but the first time it came out was, I had to do a money, because I've been pouring my whole life. I lived on the streets basically,

fucking 13 to 15 when there wasn't rehab and then I moved into a foster home and then I moved out of my own. So I've always been a petrified a cash. Do you know what I mean? I've never been rich. So when I started making money as a comic and then I moved in with a woman

and we had a joint bank account, we wanna talk about trust. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gonna be nervous right now. I'm not even involved in the story. Yeah, and then she fucks your money up. Like I made a chunk of change after tourgasm, enough to buy a place.

That was my goal when I moved to the city, buy an apartment. And then when I got that money I did it but you don't think of nobody you know people think we make a lot of money we make less than half of what we make yeah yeah yeah hopefully exactly so I was talking to somebody just the you know the half hours who was getting them got announced this year and I'm telling everyone who got it was like hey yeah we're in page 20 grand. I'm like, no, you're not. You're getting paid 4,000 out.

Really? You know, no, no, no. Unless they just fucking literally told everybody's business. Now every poor asshole, they're like, you're like, 20 grand. You know, people thought it was hundreds sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, that's the thing.

It was like, I had her taxes manager, everything else. Wow. But the thing is, is that exactly. Well, that's the thing. I like to attack his manager, everything else is too much. Wow. Wow. But the thing is, is that like you say, you caught beatings a lot. Yeah. I mean, I, you know, I was a, I, I, I, I was you, but I, I had to pretend to be the other guy.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I remember that. I remember the transition from, I just wanted friends. I want, I know what I mean, I just used to take beatings. I used to get my ass beat and then I the train I had a transition into some fucking asshole and it was so hard because I it was against the core of who I was Yeah, I remember I broke a kid's jaw holy shit a friend of mine We know right? We were all hanging out and

Yeah, we were I know right we were all hanging out and it was in that was one of the last times I ever drank up an upstate in New York And I hung out with these fucking dudes were upstate spent Spent support Spent support New York by in between Rochester and yeah, I mean that area might as well just be witch-a-tile fucking can It's fucking create. I remember I was drinking in the woods by a fire and it scared the fuck out of me because I'm from Boston. You drink it a park. You know what I mean?

Like normal people. I'm in the woods with guys with buck knives and bell buckles and they're jumping over a fire and one dude fell and they were, I was like, what the fuck? And that's the first time I got to a fight with a wrestler and I was like, I'll never fight one of those guys again, because they get fucking retarged strength. He picked me up and threw me on my head on cement.

I mean, almost killed me. And I had to get up and pretend it didn't. I was like, can I you win? Okay. I was walking home with a limp and a twitch. But, yeah, I mean, how many times? Why did you pick up? For me, first of all, it wasn't like a badass kid.

But I remember this one time, I was at my friend's party and I was hating on this one chick and I realized that I was trying to fuck her and her brother was at the same table. So my friends beat me up so him and his friends wouldn't beat me up. What? That was the worst.

Wow. That was pretty bad. Really? Yeah, we're gonna hit you half as hard as that Chris, so you don't wear a skirt. Wow. Were you really being sleazy when you're coming on to or what? I don't know, maybe.

I mean, that was pretty fucking bad. But what is it? It's a river beating. Yeah, the fuck is it? What if you're like, uh? I mean, I think I like, if she was on my lap or something. Well, that's her fault.

Right, yeah, but you don't explain that to. How old were you? How old were you? 16 or so? How was she? Oh? She was nine eight The fact that you didn't give us an eight you and nine or eight That makes it real 9 or 8 I can't remember Did your friends really save you from a worse beating?

They just kind of like you're just dick I think they're just dick I'm not president anymore We're gonna beat you up Because someone else was gonna beat you up So do you think you got beat up when you were a kid Because of the way you looked The fun That was always picked up but I never really like So do you think you got beat up when you're a kid because of the way you looked?

The fight was always picked up, but I never really like I mean like any time that I got to a fight in high school It's mostly because I was drinking it was my fault, you know, I got challenged. I'm gonna write challenge to black belt once What are you crazy? It was like rain it was like you know that you know when we the weapon at the end when it's raining It was like raining outside But it was like the oven it was just the guy just like at the end when it's raining, it was like raining outside, but it was like the oven, it was just the guy just like, he goes, I'm gonna do this with one hand tighter,

remember bagging, I'm like, oh yeah, faggot. And he drove me, just grabbed me with one hand. Oh, shit. I would run out of anyone, like, take, and I just throw me with one hand. You got a long hair back then? I did. Oh, that would have been great if you just grabbed

your hair in a ponytail. I just swung you around. Ha, ha, ha. And then just grabbed your hair in a ponytail and just swung you around And then started styling your hair It's the weirdest thing when you see like somebody who knows how to fight versus like just a drunk guy who does because it's like You know like high noon, you know how they used to fight in high noon where there's like the windmill punches Yeah, and then like somebody who like knows how to fight just over in a second, like, no, no, I'm gonna make this part of your body

go like this. And then it's over. It's, I've gotten the shit kicked out of me a lot. And it was something really sad about that, but there's something sadder about beating somebody up. Absolutely, sucks. It's worse. Really?

To me, because I used to cry. I used to go home and cry. If you beat somebody up. Not all the time, I'm not a fucking pussy. No, I'm saying. No, I'm saying I remember crying. I remember getting into these fights over, you know, when I broke that kid's jaw,

I mean, I had this other fucking lunatic alcoholic egging me on, like this fuck, he's lady, fucks us, it opened nothing and we got drunk and we should fucking knock him the fuck out. And you forget that, you know what, you hit somebody with all you got, you don't really know what's gonna happen. Yeah.

You think it's TV, like they're just gonna go out and then you wake them up with some water, go, come on, come on, you fuck, let's go, solve a crime. You know what I mean? It's not, they could fall, hit their head, you could, I broke this kid's jaw and I still feel like garbage today. It's embedded in my soul.

Yeah. It's not, and I've asked for forgiveness. I've done a fourth step. I've done, I've done so much stuff to say I'm sorry. And when I think about it, I think about him. I think about his mom finding him like that. I think about the hospital because I've been on both sides. Right.

I think guys who haven't been on the other side, maybe you're just ruthless and sociopaths and crazy of psychopaths, I should say, and they can fucking hurt people. But when you've been beat up and your mom's crying, and who would do this to you, and you're just sitting there like, I don't fucking, and you didn't do anything. Yeah. What happened with this guy? Did he accept your apology? Did you talk to him or?

Dude, I was a fucking alcoholic. I was a young kid. Anything. Yeah. What happened with this guy? Did he accept your apology? Did you talk to him or? Dude, I was a fucking alcoholic. I was a young kid. I remember we went and visited him later and he was drinking shakes. His drug was wired shut and he was just nervous around me. And it was like, I didn't get it.

Kids are fucking evil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause we don't, but we're taught this. It was, I'm not, I was never an evil guy. Just want to fit in. I had to, I had no fucking choice. Either that, or I killed myself. I was alone and depressed.

You know what I mean? That's what like having a son now. I am not gonna, I can't, I gotta get the fucking anger. The only way you can get it out of you is by connecting to whoever the fucking yelling to at. You know what I mean? Like my wife, just be like, look, you gotta think about that person, which is hard.

Are you gonna spank your kid or no? No, I'm gonna try not to, no. I don't think you need to. I don't know though, I don't think I need to. I don't think I need to hit my kid. And if it is gonna happen, I think I'm gonna have my wife do it because I don't think that I should lay hands kid and if it is gonna happen I think I'm gonna have my wife do it because I don't think that I should

Lay hands on anybody for the rest of my life. Oh My my buddy in college almost died from a fight He got soccer punch from behind and he was on the sidewalk And you know that it's I want to say I can hang on what the you just went I said to piss so but no I haven't pissed you I'm so sorry go peace. No, I had go peace. It's alright man. Don't worry about it I You have like an ugly nice ass It's actually both Plum is crack. It's alright. What were you saying, Scopo?

My buddy in college almost died from a fight. He was stuck upon him from the back. He got stuck upon him from behind. And he fell, he fell, his head hit the curb. Ugh. So when his head hit the curb, he cracked his skull open. And he almost blood out. Wow. And he was in a coma for like three days.

Wow. Put the mask on. Have you seen that? Bobby, when you were doing all the fighting and stuff, I got, did anyone eat it and hit their head? That's how you die, right? Is from falling wrong. Yeah, he said he was minutes away from dying. Like, if he didn't get to hospital and minutes, he would die.

It's like King Kid. That's like a big thing now, like that. I almost got killed. Really? Yeah, I got almost. I almost was fucking dead. What happened? I woke up 4 1, half hours later in the hospital.

Oh sucks. I got a guy sucker punch me. I was getting out of my car to go talk to this guy and I woke up in the hospital 4 and a half hours later. Do you know what happened? Nope. Wow. He just did from behind. He hit me so fucking hard. I just I collapse. Oh God. I fucking collapse like we ever see one of those dolls that you push the bottom Yeah, yeah, I collapse like one of those those those those king hits just fucking and what did you call it? We got a king here. Yeah, don't do that here I don't like it. I don't like King. He's way one punch that like it says like this is this is an Australia one punch that like it's just like yeah this is this is an australia yeah it's okay you don't have kings that you're from either okay you have criminals

the strongest of punch it but Bobby would your life like I fucking hate you the strongest of all punches the king did you see the king hit this weekend on the U.S. is because there's a big thing in Australia because guys, we're gonna have guns. We, we, we, we, we get it. And they're a king hit and people die. I'm gonna, I'm gonna knock out game. Is that what it is? Yes, it's huge because we don't have, if you quote king hit,

I'm gonna break one of your fucking things. I'm gonna slip it in when you're in the least expectant, Bobby. It's a fucking king hit. You be talking about it. Did you see Marie get King King this weekend That's the words you the worst the king hit that's a great way. Well, what do you say? I don't know you punch someone in the fucking face. We're never gonna say King Yeah, we don't have kings say presidential smad

I don't know So you put some romance into your words like, you know, punch. Oh really? What are you teaching a course at a community college? Got to learn to fucking put that away. The parliament punch. Anywho, so you need to do it. I woke up four and a half hours later and the girl I was with was in the hospital with me. She burned, yeah, it was fucking nightmare. It was the scariest thing ever. If she didn't stop him, I could have died.

So he kept punching you after kicking me in the face with workers. Oh shit. He had steel-tolled boots because he was, you know, an American. He was a working man. And yeah, but here's the thing, first punch out. Yeah.

Just out, felt, done. Yeah, Jesus. Yeah, that's, but here's the thing if he killed me His life would have been ruined forever. He wouldn't want to jail my my family Everything would have been changed. It's a it's a fucking nightmare. It's not worth it It's just so not worth it But like what really sucks is like guys like you who have these memories of just getting the the shick ticked out of you and that's why you're such a cunt now you're right that's why

no do you think how did it had to affect you how did it affect you i mean uh... you know i i think that i've always had uh... i definitely think i have i'm definitely one of those guys is still has that thing of like you know like when you're pissed at somebody you like go to the bathroom here and then you like think about what you'd say to him and then you were hurt the fucking angry speech Oh, what motherfucker you're gonna do this shit. We used to and then the event actually happens

I think I was just like fuck you know fuck you We don't think it was awkward none. I did that in a cab out loud and the cabb was like what? I'm not kidding. I was literally going fuck you. No, no fuck you I'm not the, I was literally going, fuck you. No, no fuck you. I'm not the mother fucker you mess with. I'm not the mother fucker you mess with. You fucking get that. Now back to fuck up or something's going. And the guy was like, what?

What? How's that going? Not you, not you. It's the guy that doesn't exist that I'm going to have a fight with later today. If my furniture doesn't show off, the guy that's supposed to deliver my couch today, that I haven't even met yet,

that doesn't really exist, he'll give you a fucking of woman. I don't know, my girlfriend will be like, we'll be walking she'll be like, this is really nice, the store, and I'm like, this cock, I mean, motherfuckers don't know what the fuck they're doing. I'm just like, what did I say? I'm sorry. I hate it, I'm just like, what did I say? I'm sorry.

I'm hit a hill, I just, so you have fucking rage in you. I think so, yeah, but I'm not, I can't say the factual rage. You know, it's just, it's the same as a type of rage. It's rage that can't do anything. You can't do anything, it's just,

you're like, you're like, I'll just eat all of it. You're like a car without an engine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, what's happening? Like it, scope, oh. Trying to, yeah, just a little more. Would you get, do you have depression?

Do you have issues with depression? Well, that's, you know, that's supposed to be rage but on yourself, right? Is that the idea? Yeah, I guess. I don't know, I definitely have a, I'm on meds, you know. Are you on meds? See this, I yelled at my therapist today about this.

Yeah. I'm fucking jealous of you guys. Are you not here, are you on meds? I'm not on meds, everybody's on meds. He wants me to work through it the old original way The fucking pioneers did I got off my meds. I stopped taking why I need to get back on Fucking content. I just didn't want to be on them anymore. I didn't want to depend on them Why I didn't want to depend on that's good logic right there like I don't want to

The rest of my life. I didn't want to depend on that's good logic right there like I don't want to help the rest of my life I didn't want to depend on antidepressants to be happy. Well, that's what that wanted to live like normal life I'm gonna feel the bad you're gonna feel the good to get to where you want to be yeah But I get jealous of fucking guys who get to equalize themselves Don't be jealous. What's it feel like? What's it like to be on the I mean it's it's you know It's just not debilitating we ask what which pill, which pill do you have? I'm more a mech doll. How many mech, the rest is it? I eat, what do you have? I eat, I eat, come.

You like, you like licking, licked all the snakes? Yes. What, how many? The licked all? I was on 200,000 grams now, going down to 150. I want 50, okay. So yeah. See, yeah, I know a few guys that I know

that are on fucking meds and they get to balance their rage out, which is their fears and anxieties out. But what I had to do, quit drinking, quit using drugs, no more fucking hunting hookers, or whores, or massage polis, no more fucking girls, and no more smoking cigarettes, and there's no more having bad foods. So I took away all the stuff that dealt with my anxieties, my fears and all that shit and I stripped myself and I didn't replace it with anything, I got therapy, but sometimes it's not enough.

I got to go, I might have to go back to some meetings, man. Like, yeah, because I do not want to fucking explode. I do not want to lose control. You not gonna meetings anymore? I haven't gone in a while. Yeah, I haven't gone in a while. You're gonna lean up on that much. So you get kicked out of my garden, hold it.

Do you feel that comedy helps you work through stuff? Squeeze it. There are putically, do you feel like when you do your comedy, that's almost like a meeting, you get to figure out some of your issues and stuff. There's something about meetings, and I don't want to get too into it because it's something about meetings, and I don't wanna get too into it because it's attraction rather than promotion,

I don't wanna break a tradition. But there's something about meetings, when you're in a room with a bunch of the people that are in the same boat as you, and you listen to them, that gives you serenity. It gives you hope, it grounds you, and it humbles you you and it also makes you grateful. And a grateful heart. I don't know if there's anything not to get to

fucking queer. I don't want to fucking chat room. What the fuck is this? Dr. Phil. Someone's gonna make a fucking fat joke. Dr. Slob. Fucking beat you to it. But there but there's something about a great, being grateful really is almost like a drug itself. You know, but you forget, you forget to be happy, you look around and you're looking at all the stuff, like the house and the thing and the career. And you're like, wait a minute,

I got a fucking beautiful kid, I got a wife, they fucking adores me, except me for the piece of a fucking beautiful kid, I got a wife that fucking adores me, except me for the piece of shit that I am. I got a bunch of friends, I mean new people at the time, I'm in a great community of comics, even though we're fucking psychos and we stab each other in the back for the same gig. We'll talk about each other as soon as we leave each other.

But, however. However. You know what, Bob, you should. One king punch, man. You should dunk, you could. Boy, whip a 10 out. I love you, Robbie, your tits, however. However. You know what, Bob? You should... My King Punch, man. You should, um, you could... Wait, whip it out. No.

I love grabbing your tits with you. King tits. How about that? I'll write it down. I'll write it down. Skopo Santa, funny. You should come to yoga with me. It's changed my life.

I know you're fucking, I know, but it's changed my life. I'm not. There's no way I'm fucking watching your wide twat in front of me. You're wide. It's the worst way to describe a pussy is wide. Why? You know what? I always found in something, you're a fucking chick when you say it.

You got a wide gap. Did you ever see a chick with a wide gap? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, their legs don't touch because it's not the but it's you think it's the it's not the worst Well, I always thought it was because she fuck the the girl fuck chicks with big dick But that's that's not the case. It's just part of their Anatomy this is what they are you know they mean Yeah, you can just fucking you could put a baseball bat through one end and out the other and nothing would hit Huh it should go. It's great. I'm not fucking going and watching you make go with someone else unless you're fucking pussy sweat stain We're assholes leaking

It's great though. It changed my like changing my life like my brain is wiring different. How long have you been going? For the last solidly for the last two months. Really? Yeah. Am I feel, I've always said issues, you know, I've always said issues with weight where I hated the way local, so that, no.

I feel, no, really. I've been skinny out than I am now, and I've been fatter than I am now, but I feel more comfortable with my body now than I ever have, and I love it. Yeah, but great Is it because all those other fat chicks in yoga class? You take the fatdest yoga class that you can call up the center and right do you have fat classes?

Mommy and me yoga. It's actually called fat and sweaty It's just an Arby's, it's not even a year. They do it in the ball pit. They throw a fucking double cheeseburger in the ball pit and they just find it out. It's like, could you do meditation at the end of it and my brain's fucking enough to cry? Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.

I think that there has to be something else. I need to add something else into my life. You can't replace a negative thing in your life and you can't just leave it empty. You have to put something in there, whether it be a hobby or something else positive. You can't just leave it. Also, a lot of those negative things sound kind of fun.

I mean, not the beating people and getting almost dying, but like eating, or hunting, and or hunting, or hunting. Can we talk about or hunting for a second? Who's done it? That should be a show. Or hunting. I don't even know what it is. Well, define or hunting. Welcome back to or hunting.

I was just thinking that the serial killer in Alaska, Bob Hansen, do you know him? Yeah. He used to fucking, he was a survivalist and he would get the hookers on his estate and he would make him run what that's what he do that was I that was awesome that was not him those were all handsome bob hands and I was like photos of him before they don't right that was that movie iced tea was it no that's not what I paid I see for sex that I made him run off on my I'm I'm definitely bought. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it.

I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it.

I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it.

I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. it is in this room right now, I will explain what it is. It's when you used to have to do it with the village voice or the local Phoenix, whatever that hip alternative newspaper was in the town that you were in. And Boston was the Phoenix here was the village voice. And you would have to go on the back and hunt down. You'd have to look for the back and hunt down.

You'd have to look for what you're looking for. You'd have to look for, you know, whether it be a tranny or a fucking massage or a Asian broader or a black broad. You'd have to look at the photo, you'd have to judge. Is this real? Do you think she is and look at independent? Now on the internet, you just go to back page or you used to go to Craigslist but that's done because of that serial killer.

But if you go to back page and you go to you know you go to massages but you gotta know what you're looking for. If you see a table shower that means it's not legit. You don't know massage school in the world teaches a woman how to wash us a ball set and a cock and an asshole. That's not in the job description. When you get a massage, they don't wash your asshole and stick and then fucking pick you up like a fucking hammer roast. So you have to hunt down what you're looking for, you know, and you have to, you know, there's certain things that you learn, like, in and out, in an outcall. Well, you know, it's more expensive for an out call than an in call.

So these hunts and you could go for days. It's almost like when you watch a YouTube video, you can just get into that tunnel. It's the same thing with this. You can go on and just keep hunting. You're looking, then you get into the photos and then you start see a sign, the background and sometimes there's videos and then the phone number. You'll take the phone number and Google it and it comes up, this bitch is a phony

and you start, you know, doing all this investigation shit to find the perfect thing that you're looking for and then you lock in, you make the phone call and then you go from there and then you get a go and show up and a lot of times it's not, it's not the fucking person, a lot, especially in LA, you get to go and show up. And a lot of times it's not the fucking person. A lot, especially in LA, you get fucked a lot. Yeah.

Here you don't as much because I, I, why? I think it's less spread out here. Do you know what I mean? I think the sex here is more legit because it is a form of money and I think it's this independent here. I think out there they rent a hotel, they got to have a guy protecting them and they get you

the money and he's in the other room and a lot of scams happen out there. A lot of Escort services which are gross. You know what I mean? But here. Why is it gross? Because it's bullshit. Because an Escort service you're paying more money for not the girl and there's some fucking dude around that will fucking, you have a gun or will fucking kill you if you get out of line or if they, they could just literally rob you and say fuck you if they want to. If the girl is an attitude. You're gonna pull the cups.

But here that a lot of girls are independent, so a girl can come to New York and say, look, I'm gonna sell my pussy or do massages and jerk dudes off and nobody's gonna know. And I'm gonna make an extra fucking 5,000 or 10,000 a month and I don't have to work. You know what I mean? You can be more discreet in New York and the sex industry here is a little dirtier and a little, I think a little more honest

if I could actually say that. But yeah, hunting, man, I don't, I like to hunt more honest if that's if I could actually say that but yeah hunting Man, I don't I don't I like to hunt more than the actual act How would it take I could do it for hours dude. I used to walk into a hotel room and grab the phone book first thing I did and I grabbed the phone book go to massage and Go through and find the fucked up massage place Because I know the time if it went past 10 o'clock, that jerk, that suckin' a dick. If it says table shower, somebody's gettin' a finger

in the butt. Someone's stickin' a finger in my butt in that place. If there's, now, if you get really lucky, if it was not just Asian, if you could find it in a place, I remember, I don't know where it was, it was in Pennsylvania, on place. I remember, I don't know where it was. It was in Pennsylvania, on the upstate New York somewhere, back in the day, and they don't exist anymore

because now these broads are on the internet and they're all independent. But back in the day, when they needed that house, they needed to be together, I found this place. Oh my God, it was a black chick, a blonde chick, a brunette chick, and no, it was all regular brods, and they were all in their 30s, like mid 30s. And I was, I remember this chick took me into a fucking,

like a living room with a bed in it, and I just ate her pussy and she sucked my deck for 80 bucks. And she was like somebody's mom, like, you know what I mean? Like a hot mom. Like it was just a juicy fucking mom pussy from Pennsylvania. That should have been the ad.

Suzy mom pussy is the best. So yeah, I used to love it. And it wasn't it, but it was the hunt. It's the addiction, the obsession. When you feel terrible, like after you came, when you just be like, oh, I want to fucking kill myself now, that was terrible. Where do you feel like, yeah, I've never solved problems.

I've never felt that after I came. I always feel great. I've never really, every time, even times I was told I'm sick. You do it a lot, love? No, I don't, actually, I've never hunted. I've only paid outside of the country, where you don't have to hunt.

You just go to the store and then you're going to go to an Amsterdam. Not an Amsterdam,No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no diversidades y centros de investigación del mundo. Tu talento te mueve. Solicitate u beca en fundación la caixa.org Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. I remember Patrice when we went with him he showed up late that day me and Keith have already been there in Amsterdam and

You know we had sworn it off already five times. We was I'm I would done. I'm done with this I did it and we're like all right. Just one more look at this bitch You know what I mean and we it was just crazy He came in and he went in And he came out. How was it? I didn't come yet. Well, like, why? I'm just taste testing. You go in, fuck a bitch, and then he was gonna find the one that he liked and then let it loose. When it's at three bitches and he kept coming out,

nope, not the one. Wow. And then he came, and then finally, he went over to this fucking old Dutch bitch. And I remember sticking ahead through the window and turning her sign around to say closed. And he came out, she looked like she'd just been fucking hit by a truck.

And he walked out and was like, fuck you! Across the canal, we're like, but it was the hunt, even there. I mean, I would sneak off in Amsterdam by myself late at night and try to find a chick like I used to want to fuck. Like a chick I've always wanted to bang like visually and find her

like from high school or something and then find her and fuck her and be like, I finally got the fuck. I find like, oh that's hilarious man. Yeah, sex. It's really not about the come. Yeah, the sex isn't even the best. Because I've jerked off the back pages without calling the girl. Really? Yeah, since I've gottened off to back pages without calling the girl. Really?

Yeah, since I've gotten a hooker, and I haven't, since I've been my lovely girlfriend. But, that's it. And we all, this is all way in the past. Way, way, way in the past. But I was gonna time stamp these stories. Don't put a towel in it. But I just think it's like,

I don't know, some of them about how shitty the photos are. It turns me on, you know? What do you mean? The fact that they like, they did it their hotel by themselves and like the phones in front of their face. That's my hamper to your porn. Yeah, it's my homemade porn. It's my own pill.

And I know that if I call that number, I could fuck this girl or something horrible gonna happen. Like that kind of thing. The threat of death is always high. Yeah, you're a fucking murdered. Well, it's funny too, is that like, I know I can handle myself, but I couldn't imagine like,

Lou, like you walking up to the door, they must be like, oh, this motherfucker, he's getting, he's going. We're robbing him. That's why I only go in like countries where it's just like going to the shop and stuff like that. I admit that I have like indecision, like I tarped me to decide which one I want to be with.

That's what, but I have that problem when I'm just getting a sandwich or something. I have that problem with everything. What's the same problem? That's one at a deli that you have with hookers. No, I'll just get the pushrome in. No, I shouldn't have the agent. I'm gonna get the Woody Allen.

I'm a sucker, though, man. Like, she can, like, a girl, I'll give $100 tip if she's like, this girl was like, yeah, my sister was murdered and my daughter's was tired. And I just gave her an extra hundred bucks. It felt bad, I don't know. How long is that? I'm a fucking nickel chaser if there ever was one.

I will fucking hunt down. I'm like, so this is included, right? You sticking your finger in my ass is part of the 125. Yeah, I guess. I'm with Dan, I tried to give a hooker my leftovers because I felt like she was hungry. Oh my god. She's like, I've been on X-ray.

I'm left in here. And I'm like, you should eat something. At least drink some water, you're probably hydrated. I just felt bad. She made you come in four seconds. Why would you feel bad? She's made a hundred dollars for four seconds. Let me ask you that about this. This is a hooker theory I've wondered about. So since you're paying for it, you want it to last longer, but at the same time, for once you're not worried about satisfying the woman, unless that's kind of how you get off. So do

try and make it last longer to get your money's worth, or you're trying to just get that nut as quickly as possible, because you don't have to worry about lasting long time. Does that make sense? Don't you always want the ego satisfied by pleasing a woman? Pleasing a hooker? What? Yeah.

She looks like like I hooked up with this stripper once and my friend who was literally goes she looked like Chris Bosch. She was like on the Miami heat. She was like Chris Bosch with the tits. So it was that case I just wanna come. Like as fast as I can, just get out of myself. I had a girl, I had a hooker come to my house once and I made her not a hooker. Like she's, she's reattour from the Bible or what did you say?

She was supposed to come and give me a hand job in a prostate massage She just gave me a regular massage like at some point she looked at me and my asshole and said I'm not gonna do this anymore She's like I gotta go back to school. Yeah Like at some point she was like I'm done with this career This lifestyle is not for me You were her bottom. I mean, I was I mean, New York back in the day, I remember I used to have this this chick from black chick from London.

Oh man. Oh man. Smoking hot. Look like a Cosby kid. And she used to fucking give me a massage naked and jerk me on. That's a very big deal. And it was like 50 bucks. Oh man. And it was just the best. The best. And I mean, looking, pick it up a girl up on the street

was just nerve-racking. I remember I used to do that. If I had to rent the car back way back in the day, way before my wife, way before that. No, seriously, it was, I remember when New York was just all hookers on 43th, from eighth all the way to 11th. And you'd it was, I remember when New York was just all hookers on 43 from eighth all the way to 11 and you'd drive or I remember we'd come back in and I'd drive around and do the circle. Wow. I used to get, we used to have a thing called the loop and

Lynn and it was $20 blowjumps. Wow. These fucking crackheads. Where in Lin-Mass know like where would street You must have picked up a tranny inadvertently at some point right you must I think I fucked Yeah, really I think I fucked a chair a post-op Because I remember I was this Asian broad I She was sad on my dick and it was dry and I kind of of blame myself. She's like, oh, you need the juice. And she pulled out some glue. And I was like, I don't know, she feels like I'm fucking a pocket. Do you know what I mean?

Like, I don't know. Do you know what I mean? I don't know. But I thought I was like, maybe that was a post-op. I would have been fucking more happy if she just left the dick. I would have, Lizard could have faked. Oh, no. I can't. I don't know. No, I, um, I, um, I, I got a lot of fucking hookers, a lot of, a lot.

I mean, I used to love the loop. I used to go down there and Lynn and just drive around and 20 bucks. And you'd find like fucking 22 year old broth. I was a go down there and Lynn and just drive around and 20 bucks and you'd find like fucking 22 year old bras. I was a gum in one day. Me and gum and I was such a pro at finding whores. We were driving around in the afternoon. Me and God, we went to lunch and I stopped at a gas station and I looked at a broad on a pay phone and I went right back and I went over and I pretended to make a call on the other pay phone I looked at her hands. I went back to the car. Go. She's a hooker. He goes, how do you know her knuckles are dirty?

Oh my god, and I go watch this and wait she's start to walk and I go you need a ride. Yeah Within fucking eight minutes she was back in my house eating my asshole Shocking my nuts while I was milking myself my house eating my asshole. Sucking my nuts while I was milking myself. Dirty knuckles. That's a sign? Yeah, well, yeah, because she's, she's out of fucking walking the streets. She didn't have time for a manicure, or what, or take care of her fucking hands with cream.

How about a hand wash? How about a wash, a wash, a wash, a thing? How about some meth and some fucking heroin? And you just fucking suck nine dudes' dicks. I mean, you don't have time. There's only so much time at a day, Lou. You can't, you know what I mean? Yeah, dirty hands and a chick walking on a highway.

Like, like not on a highway, but like on a street that you don't really don't walk on. It's like this bitch is at a pay phone. She's got dirty knuckles. She's gonna start walking. She sucking my ass off of the table. For sure. You know what I mean?

I love that's where you're mind, go Lou. You're just like, what a hand-high, Jane. This is ridiculous. Yeah, I'm sucking my asshole for sure. You know what I mean? I love that's where your mind go, Lou. You're just like, what a hand-high, Jane. This is ridiculous. Yeah, I'm big about that, man. I don't like dirty knuckles. Dirty, I don't like it, me either, but for that cheap of, I remember I used to drive around my neighborhood.

We had a lot of hookers in Revere. And you could see a chick on a porch just every day at a certain time. And I remember when it was snowing out And I pulled up and then I beeped and she came over and she just grabbed my cock. She's like you a cop. I'm like no She was so she was 20 and she was gorgeous Just this fucking cute little slutty looking 20 year old broad Wow, and I remember she took me for 18 bucks. It's all I had

We're gonna the angelos sub shop and she took me in this room. We had to walk by a couple on the floor with their New baby In between them. Yeah, that was a little fucked up But I fucking pushed that out of my brain real quick I'm sorry dog. I sorry a little silky terrier instead of a baby Fucking nice. I didn't, I started a dog. I started a little silky terrier instead of a baby Pretend it was a dog and then we went in the room and she just sucked me. She gave me the best blowjob Ah And for like 1850 or 18 by way the fuck

1850 is the exact change And two quarters later All right check it out you guys know I love technology, but I don't love it in my razor. That's why these razors are so expensive. Because these billion dollar shave companies overload their razors with ridiculous shave tech you don't need. You really need razors with a vibrating handle and a back scratcher, a laser pointer. What's next?

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Shave time, shave money, join DollarShaveClub.com slash Kelly, go there. Right now, that's DollarShaveClclub.com slash Kelly right now. Alright, check it out guys. We're going to fucking do a quick commercial break. So if you guys got a pee and I got to do a bunch of ads. So you people on the live feed, you're gonna listen to these ads, cause you're a cocksucker. Then we're gonna take a break.

And so if you guys get a piss or anything, now's the time. Awesome. All right, check it out. We're gonna, you guys know hulu.com, well check this out, Hulu Plus is so much more. Well, Hulu Plus, you can catch your favorite shows anytime anywhere,

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when you go to huluplus.com slash dude you're an asshole you're really timing is just as the timing you have in your comedy. Hulu Plus. I'm kidding I'm sorry. I'm kidding I'm sorry I was talking to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry dude. That's a special offer for our listeners.

Make sure you use huluplus.com slash dude to get your extended free trial and they know that we sent you That's how they know that's how it works. We get paid if you go to hulu Plus dot com slash dude go to hulu plus slash dude hulu call hulu plus dot com slash dude right Oh, right now for extended two week trial. I love it. Is that it? All right, go to Amazon dot com on our page. And what you're going to buy anything, buy it from that page. You help us out.

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I didn't mean that because you're Jewish. I know what you meant. We all know what you meant. I can't. Louis, is that good? Why? Look at what I say, it's so good. I like to fuck it.

There you go. We are back. What's up, guys? All right. So basically, we were talking about hookers It's so weird going from hookers to product placement It's weird too. I really do like that The dollar shave club is my favorite. I really do like that one because I have to shave my head

And I go through these things so and there's nothing worse than being in a hotel room on the road And you go into the gig and you fucking slept on, you look and your razor, the blue line is gone. Because you've used it for too much. I used one of those disposable, I was in a situation that I used one of the disposable, my whole face was cut up. Like literally my entire face was just looked, just like, holding up and attacked. You cannot use, I don't know what the fuck happened to us.

I don't know what those razors were the razor that men used. And I think because over time, razors became so amazing that our skin became more sensitive. Does that make sense? No, I think they're those one, like real cheap ones, the plastic ones, the disposable ones, I think they're those one, like real cheap ones, the plastic ones, the supposed ones, I think they're shittier quality than they ever were before.

So the ones that they made that we bought when those were the ones we got were better. Were better, yeah. All right, well I'll go with that. I didn't think you'd come up with something. I thought we'd just go with my own theories. I thought a lot about this. Oh, that's true.

You really just fucking prove me wrong. I have to agree with you. But I would like to do the research on it. So somebody out there do the research and we'll find out who's wrong and who's right. Because I think I'm right. I think genetically we changed. Our faces, I think that makes it. In ten years.

Ten years. It's complete. The only one that's complete. That way, Vols. It's like rapt The only one is just complete. We evolved into... It's like raptors with the door. Oh, raptors with the door. I remember that because it was only a couple years.

Yeah, that was only a couple years. And they learned how to use a door knob door. I'm gonna use my fucking middle claw. That was like a big thing in the commercial too. What? Was the Raptor door like for the Jurassic Park trailer? Really? Yeah, you would have to, you would see like, holy shit.

And looking back, it was stupidest fucking thing. There's like, oh my god, and then you have the shot of like the claw, like just opening the door. How do we not think that was funny then? Everyone was like, this is scary. Because the one thing to save you from Raptors is a door. If they can open the doors, you're fucked. Yeah, but all you have to do is get a round door knob.

Yeah, or lock the fucking door, but I guess you don't have locks. Well, you can get a round door knob, they'd be fucked. You just be slipping off. You have to find the door knob with the fucking one that somebody with no fingers can open. That's so idiot. They should sell them around door knobs. The Raptor proof. They should sell them around donuts, the Raptor proof. They should only have donuts.

Yeah, they should only have, if you have dinosaurs, you need that to be a rule. You should only have round donuts. But the reason why that movie was so fucking, so fucking amazing was that they finally did, they did dinosaurs right. Right, yeah, they hadn't done that. Like when they got out of the car

and I'm looking at, you're like, what the fuck? That's crazy. Does it still look good? Has anyone seen it? I saw it. It still does, yeah. I saw it on last week.

It was still fucking awesome. On TV, it's not good. On a big screen. On a TV, you cannot watch, you cannot watch it on TV. That opening scene on a TV, you can see the skies different, like it's squared. Yeah, it's but on in a movie theater Yeah, but this is exactly against the argument that we said in the beginning that was the problem with Indiana Jones The fourth one was with CGI right? I thought you're gonna fucking bring up hookers. No

It's like who is? Dead pussy is feel I hear a hooker is can open doors is feel of I hear a hookers can open doors me I've learned but if you get a courty in doors they get fucked up I'm stuck in here I'm going to heart me because I wasn't saying GI was real electronics yeah yeah yeah yeah

I went to store it at 3D and we were only two people there's like a year ago Wait Jurassic Park was CGI it was both it was CGI both and that's why it looked year ago. Wait, Jurassic Park was CGI. It was both. It was CGI's both. And that's why it looked good, is that like half of it was CGI. Oh, I thought it was all CGI.

I thought it was all CGI. It was both. No, it was both, because the little ones, if you CGI'd that, it would've looked like shit, but they made the actual shit, and the one breathing, and then when they were on the thing,

there was how fun, that's what got me. That's the little moments that got me when they learned, they didn't learn, they made up how fucking sick doneness that would be breathing, which I was like, holy shit. And they went through it's, it's dung. That was good for her. But again, though, as it went on, it got shitier and shitier,

because they used too much fucking CGI and you know The first one was unbelievable dude when that fucking T-rex. I don't give a fuck who you are When that T-rex came out when that land was gone and you saw that fucking Ripple in the cup of water Which I have many fucking fat jokes have been thrown my way Fucking annoys me. If that didn't scare you when that motherfucker came out and started eating that hood with the kids in it, the other part that bugged me was they were using their feet

like to kick the, like to kick the, like it was gonna actually go away. Like they were kicking the little kids with kicking the glass, like get away. Like, I would have said bitch, shut the fuck up. Freeze you cunt. I would have knocked my sister clean the fuck up. I would have suck up on you there.

I would have fucking knocked her a clean the fuck up with a king punch. Yeah, with a king punch. You mother fuck. We just did a double maintenance. Every time I take video, Bill, you're such a, it's so a little LA guy. You always look at me in the camera and do like a little,

little wink you do, you know you do it. I can't take fuck video of you, because you're like, and you've got this cheesy-ass grim and this dimple, you're like, hmm. She thinks, thanks, thanks, like Kelly. Well, she's so one of fuck me. Yeah, so what just happened? The town of El S Saint Germain is coming off

of some depression. Like, he thought the show was gonna be a little fast. No, no, I just didn't know there was gonna be a couch. Like, there's no way. Why go sit over there? Go sit over there. Kelly, you go sit over here.

I become the couch. Yeah, for cheesy. You can't give a pot head a couch. It's also, is it 420 right now? Is it the time? He becomes Brad Pitt and fucking true romance Fucking come to send me move over You're we're gonna get you up, dude. We need you up and I just want to see your fucking flat ass again I want to see your alternative cheeks

Why do you do what are you doing? You're taking everything with you? What the fuck why do you do what are you doing? It's taking everything with you fucking Dude this is the problem with Dan Saint Germain if the if the world does and people are gonna go up to him like he knows what to do He's not gonna be fucked No, you're not gonna be fucked the people that go to you for help you not a hunt right? No, I don't I'm not an eat and fucking tell you. I'm really lazy. Yeah. Personal hygiene wise.

A lot of people complain about that. The couch is too comfortable and it makes you want to go to sleepy times. Right. So you've got to, yeah, you've got to step up. No, it is true. Yeah, you. That's why Joey always sits there.

He doesn't want to sit here. Yeah, you seem better already. Yeah, I'm already much more up. Yeah, I'm right. You were literally falling asleep the first time on the show. No, I wasn't falling asleep. first time on the show no I know We got off the sub sub-subscript of hookers and he got bored. Yeah, as soon as we started yeah, don't care about dinosaurs I don't know how on hookers. I thought that would be your thing. Well, I like both

Good dinosaur hookers. No dinosaur hookers. You'd love to get a head while a T-Rex was runningR.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.E.R.E.R.E.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.E.R.E.R.E.E.R.E.E.R.E.R.E.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E.E.R.E.E.R.E. He knows shit that he's supposed to read once and never remember But he retains like a fucking rain man. I've done a lot of research on the study No, no, there's this huge thing is erotic and not just with the with Dinosaur is also big-foot people want to be fucking big-foot and stuff like that And it was a huge thing on Amazon people publishing their books But again fuck by a big foot or fuck by a dinosaur and then they took them all off Amazon because people were complaining about it So it was kind of a big thing. Why don't you take them off? I don't know they got standards, I guess I don't know. I don't know why you can't sell porn on Right on Amazon. I guess can you not buy porn on Amazon? I don't know that's a good question I don't know if I believe I would there was dinosaur erotic

I would go look at my if you go look at my Amazon link on rye cast I would buy it from I don't know Well dinosaur porn at least there we're Dinosaur. They're having like, Centaur porn. Big, big porn. Centaur porn. Yeah, if you go on U-Porn, there's always like, there's the corner one where it's always like, the demon fucking right.

Yeah, you're into that, sis. Yeah, but you know what is, another one that's fake is the Hermaphidite porn. That's always fake. It's almost like a fake dick or something? Yeah, you can tell, because the Jizz comes out, it looks like a honey bun. I don't's always fake. It's almost like a fake dick or something? Yeah, you can tell because the Jizz comes out, it looks like a honey bun. You know what I mean?

It's not real Jizz, it's just white, and you just wanna get hungry and you can smell sugar. Like that monster cock thing? You sound like a crazy cock. Oh, I just like a gallon of cum. It's crazy. I thought that was real pro-op. You got a fucking fucking bucket in there.

I'll get it, I got it. It's amazing. It is ridiculous. It's not real, it can't know that. I'll get it, I'll get it. It's amazing. It is ridiculous. It's not real. It can't be. I think it's Monster Cock. Isn't there a two dick guy that was real? That was just doing a Reddit thing?

Like a guy with a real? There's got to be a cause those dicks are ugly. You would never have fake dicks that look that ugly. Right, it would be real. Yeah, you just look really sick. Everyone thinks it would be hot. I think I'll just look really sick. What are the Monster cook things that way?

It's like a huge dick like the size of an arm and it comes like buckets. I feel like a Mexican guy who did that. It was like a Mexican which is what's a ginormous dick. You can always see the ice cream. I just found a really massive real cock. That is just ridiculous. It's in a girl's butt and I don't know how this girl will ever shit again. No, it smells like black and dick, which is cocoa butter.

Wait in line, should we? Coco butter, cocoa butter, new ports and weed. I was just going to say Bonnie Rodden video, that chick. She's real hot. She's the one who's got the center webs on her tits. Spider Bonnie Rodden. Oh, she's, I've say, I guess. She's hot. she's crazy, but she's like 20 years old. Yeah, but she Get the fuck to the ass right afterwards her asshole like he came out. Oh

She had a pro lab pro lab. Yeah, I don't like a pro lab Yeah, I'm gonna line it pro and she's got those fucking the webs on her tits around the nipples. So fucking hot. Oh, God Yeah, welcome everybody. That's just huge dicks. Jesus bill. That's a huge dick to you too. One dude doesn't look like you should be in a porn. Why? Not those two, but there's the guy. That guy. I always feel like I feel bad for the guy who has like jerk off in the back because he can't get hard. Yeah. Well, there's just only so many holes, you know, and yeah. Yeah, I mean, what are you gonna do? You're gonna fucking, you know, that's too big. That's too much. Yeah, that is a big thing. Oh, wait, I think I know that chick. So you're a fucking, you're into porn, huh, Danny? Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna be in a whatever. Yeah, but you do you're into porn.

You know certain. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're like, I don't know. You like to have your lips and you're like, oh, I don't know. I don't know if you saw the adapted screenplay from. It doesn't have to Alice. But yeah, no, I probably know too many of them. Yeah, but I mean, look, I think with porn now, because it's so attainable, you can just get it. And you don't really watch porn.

I used to watch the movie because you'd want to see if you could jerk off to something else later on. And then you'd watch the home movie, maybe one, but then you had your places, all right? I'm gonna go over here. I'm gonna watch the Gardener and the fucking rap scene. You know what I mean? And that's the only part I like of this movie. Now we'll go to another movie. Now I don't watch that. I just type in fucking Gardener rape. And I say, you know what I mean? Have you ever done, have you gotten the theater and ever jerked off in the theater? No, have you? I have it, but I kind of want to do that

I wish I said yes, so he didn't admit to it. Yeah, no, I it's kind of like a what's going to call me a lose It's like that they should have it like an old-time square like a little Little what we could just go and jack off You should do it to get me to press for your new hour Where you can just go and jack off you should do it you get me for your new hour I think I can't know how does that not a hit an organ Hey, how does that make you go up? I saw a point oh and a theater once on the big screen it was 3d. Oh I saw a Porno in a theater once on the big screen. It was a 3D Porno. It's like glasses.

What? Oh yeah, it was a... What the fuck, why? Well, they screened it at my college and that's what sucked was it was like... Oh, so it was like spamming this porn? Like, oh no, it was a regular porn. The men come inside the women. There was a crazy rap scene. It was like a lot of these women were like... It was their first time watching porn and like it's finally you get to watch porn with women. Like, oh, we're all watching porn together and then there was this weird scene with his dudes like fucking the chicken a kitchen

He puts her head in this big butt pot of soup and then she's dead and the soup He's still fucking her and the women are like this is horrible. It's like a famous porn actually dead soup You know, it's so fun about Louis going to say three-day porn is that because he's got wears glasses You got to wear the three-day glasses over your normal glasses so you can see. That's funny. That's funny. That's funny. Nothing is ever that funny when you prevers it by going,

you know what the funny thing is? It's never fucking funny. So all you young comics out there never say, you know what's really funny, but it's not gonna be funny. I say, because I have been smell, look at the fucking idiot. Everyone looks like an idiot.

There's three D glasses. Why are you looking at me? Look at the screen's not gonna be funny. I say, because I have an email, look at the fucking idiot. Everyone looks like an idiot. There's a 3D glasses. Why are you looking at me? Look at the screen. Mine are open. Especially, he's got the 3D glasses over his glasses over his fucking ski mask. Say, I saved it kinda. What's I'm just watching porn?

I know, this is really, I'm just acting, I keep asking. Stop, ink really. Being a part of the show. There's a bad, the big cocks make me want to suck, yeah? Was I am elested? Dan really woke up.

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. She looks like she's unconscious from the day. I fucked, listen, I fucked somebody with a comic that has a massive dick a long time ago. Who? Name names. I can't. Why?

Shroud. Shroud has a big dick. Jesus Christ. I can't never work for this country Yeah, it was and his how was it it was fucking awful he was fucking a stage hog even there Shut up, you're getting the light he keeps going on a helicopter under tits You're getting the light, you keep going on the lights. You get a helicopter on your tits. No, it was fine. I like it. But Sharad is a fucking, he like, he's a, I, I, I'm a romantic.

Right. Yeah, of course, obviously. When I'm running a train on a girl, it's special. I like to do it in the rain. I like to do it via candlelight. Candelite when I run train. Let me explain. If I may, feel free to keep throwing shit at. Finally fucking Dan woke up. I'm fucking sure.

Fucking a bad fucking trot swallows dick. What? I don't like to like when I'm even when I'm even with a hooker, I like to have it's more of a, it's not a dirty thing, it's more of a romantic thing or having sex, it's not, I'm not a fucker. I'm, you know, I like to do, with a ram and chick, I like to kiss,

I like to, you know, I have to. You make love. Yeah. I like to, I like to, I like a little anthem of Z with even with bitches that I just made I like to kiss and do a little prince apolonia shit, you know, pull a hair and I don't know, but he fucks There's guys who fuck this guy like he tugged a tampon out of this I was like, oh, you're on your period. That's okay

Maybe people do blow jobs and have some tea You know what I mean? And he went tug tug like a light switch pulled it out fucking hocked it on my wall in my hotel room And it looks like a piece of art. Oh, that's cool. I pulled it out with my teeth the other day What you worried about germs I got a guy like clean hat like Okay, take you I'm a photo that's the best I can show I can't I can't put it on the internet Of course, let's see You don't listen look what the cameras are look what the cameras are and don't put it in front of the cameras

All right, do you know why don't we about to look at we're about to look at your teeth pulling the string Oh, that's look at a pussy that's bloody. So it's the thing More it's more me. I'm the star of this photo I should more it's more me. I'm the star of this photo. Yeah, I should see I'm going leave some Nearly but that means yes, right? Well, they're gonna say the Jurassic Park story I had like this weird rules. Well the Jurassic Park story when we saw 3D We were the only two people in the theater and I gave him a blowjum in a theater out of the number four It was great. No one else was there. Oh, well, awesome. I know I've got a blowjob in a theater. Yeah, I could. What was that you take it and she take me?

She took it. That's a cool girl girl. I like that girl. Is this a video or a photo? I kind of love it I kind of love it. You know what? I really like you now. Let me see. Hey, you know, man Let me see. Those Jews are some of the freaks man. Let me say let me say I know I know there's a camera here So don't do don't wait a second. I love how happy your face looks Dude there's something lucky leaves It's so happy how long is it I didn't know I didn't know a string on a tampon was that long That's like fucking that's a long is that like a specialty tampon? She have short arms why the fuck

Whose girlfriend's black as well wait, can you show me again so I can finish Dude I don't listen to this. Oh, don't worry about'm talking about. She listened to every podcast I'm on, so it's... Does she? Yeah, this might be a problem. She's barely in that photo, right? That photo's about me. I didn't see it. First of all, your girlfriend doesn't shave, obviously.

Here. What, sorry. That now got bad. Yeah, he did that out. Well, Jesus Christ. No, he just showed the string in your mouth. He didn't show the actual tampon. No.

You zoomed it out. Yeah, zoom it out. That was fucking non-in-sea. I wouldn't want, first of all, I don't like seeing my friends. I don't like that. That photo was about me. What? She was barely in the photo.

Not even in it. Yeah, not even. I wouldn't even look at it. It's just so weird seeing you in a sexual animal, really? But he's so had these beautiful smile You understand this what I love about fucking Louis. Yeah, you understand this is what I love about him Because I met him and I thought he was just gonna be you know a regular fucking the comic, you know Fucking nerdy dude. He's got this great comedy. There's great jokes

But then he's got this fucking dark side the brave. Do you think it's not even it's not even to brave? I it's it's what the fuck was that you Said it's a Other Fucking In the normal I'm afraid you take a dream and you're praying you're smarter than the normal prayer. Yes, ma'am.

These people fucking eat time-pulls right out the pussy. They're fucking shit all be burned. Yeah, man. What I'm saying? The fuck, man. I mean, it's not it's you, this is it. You know why I love Jimmy Norton. He knows who he is.

That's it. You know who you are and what you like, and you don't give a fuck that you go against type. Well, I don't even know that it's that weird. I mean, I just wanna try every new one. It's weird, it's weird, it is. It's weird, you have a photo and you're smiling with a tampon sitting your mouth as a little weird.

I just wanna do everything, don't you wanna do everything once in life? No, no. No. No, you fucking no. You fucking depraved you. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. I mean, I can't, I can't be a z-but I don't want to do that.

I don't want to make my fucking chicks pussy into a carnival fucking game. Hookin', come on up, hookin' pull the tent bottom of the snatch. Blood hitchin' the fascia face you win a fucking teddy bear Yeah, she's cool, man She likes me for me I think look man if you can be that in touch with your relationship where you can do something like that and you're both cool with it

God bless you that listen, I think that's not even that weird. It's fucking weird. Listen, you know what a tampon supposed to be taken out with? Her fingers and thrown away in a toilet and no one's ever supposed to see it. You're gonna say it, man. Why didn't I make tea or anything? I did.

You fucking do. You dip it in the toilet and then drink that water. She mushes your face into the toilet and dumps on it. That's too far. I have to know where we go. How am I going to know it too far? If I don't take it to be your new club head shot. I'm going to do it.

That's fucking awesome. You can just eat with the fucking... You can speed her legs with the tailbone. I got better shots in that. I got a lot of... I don't want to share. So you don't mind fucking with a little blood No, I really I don't care. I thought you would I do I think I think I think I'm like Dexter I think I was involved in a fucking serial murder and I was just left in a puddle of blood naked as a baby

Cuz blood makes me I don't fucking want to do it. I think when the oxygen hits it Because blood makes me, I don't fucking want to do it. I think when the oxygen hits it, yeah. I don't like it. You wear your sex with a girl when she's on her peer? Nope. Really? No, you send her out to the forest because she's in peer. Yeah.

The wolves get in. I fucker, but then I call her a whore after that. I make her feel badly. And then you're just disgusting pig. I fuck me with your sin hole. Leave it. I've done that. I've done that. I fucked with your sin hole I've done that

I fucked in sin hole I think that is weird too that you guys just had this I don't know if you guys picked up on it This is a sexual tension between these two fucking twits. Oh, yeah around 20 minutes ago. I was pretty intense Yeah, yeah, you know first you're hitting on him because he's like a Sparkling he's every time I take a picture of you. He's like he sparkles and next thing I want to catch all I can think of what I will you to is that I'm too fat to use a couch now We realized from that like I involuntarily Started to pass out just because the seating was comfortable. Yeah, you can really sad. Yeah, did you so much better right now? It's like diabetes. I got my diabetes. Have you two ever looked at her? No, no. In the

beginning, I kind of hit on her and she's like, yeah, I'm too good for you. And now she wants to suck my taste. Wait, sad again. I know some of the guys, Kelly's fuck. Really? Do you tell the fuck is this? Aren't you into like guys like basically like, why is this always brought up why am I not the guy who knows you are every other fucking middleer in the country

no offense everybody knows how he's fucked except me not like any of this where he's going i was never i was never uh... like i'm too good for you just i could see through your

bullshit alright that doesn't sound similar what do you mean by that? Look at him when you say that. Look what I mean is you do like just look at me in the fucking eyes bitch. I don't like it. I cannot say in the video. Yes, she does.

I don't know. You're just like, oh, you're so pretty. And I'm like, fuck you. Like I don't. Yeah, that's so disgusting. I know what guys do to trick me into liking them. I'm well aware of it. I mean, kiss and boys and so's 12.

So it's just, you know, when I find when I smell in genuine bullshit, I'm like, fuck off. You think, but when I do it, I was lying, why so do you are pretty? I didn't say you had a good body. I said you're pretty. I would.

The first time I met Bill, I've never built this into me. I know you weren't even trying to be funny with that you motherfucker. That fucking hurt. That hurt me. But Touche, you're fine. No she's hot. Fuck the fuck. Let's talk about Kelly's butt. You're gorgeous. You know you're hot. I don't want that bullshit. I don't want. Who cares? I'm gonna try to fucking be hot. You're under pressure now. I'm under pressure. No, I'm not I'm no pressure No Kelly's pants are

I Think she's really good. I think she's really good to lose 20 pounds, but here's my point I think she looks good like this. Yeah, she does Kelly if you lose weight you're an idiot says guy who Tampa That doesn't mean I know I'm standard. No, it does. It means your standards are fucking in a different universe than most of everybody else's.

Son, what you want to do, you get the tampon string in your teeth. Now, don't get it on your fang tits because you might cut a loose. That's happening to you. That's a mess. All right, you don't want that fucking disaster. Because then you only got a little nub to grab and you're going to get close to you. You're going to look like you're fucking ate a red fudgeical.

You're not so close there, can I ask you a question? Do you, are you happy to eat out her box if she's on a period or no? Just fucking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're gonna get clown face. Milk shake. Why so serious? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Serious

I've had that though where you pull your head up and there's blood there I'm just kind of irony So you have it in your beard Your bed beer like you like you fucking went to town on a bowl of wash She was on a period. Oh, she just didn't tell you no, I think it was like residual. Like we didn't know what we thought it was done. Oh, great. Oh, gross. I guess it may be I would.

Maybe I would, but I haven't never before. If you could have sex with anyone here, who would it be, Kelly? Your favorite's on here, the ones that I want to find. Yany! Oh, shit. That was a question. Well, I don't know. I think because I reckon probably Louis, because he's like, sounds like the ones that I want to find oh That was a question. Well, I don't know I think cuz I reckon probably Lou because he's like sounds like the freak

I think you teach me stuff. I don't know just Lou the something about him that seems fun Well, you get it. Can you get her spots? You'd fuck You fuck Lou here 50 shit to get Yeah, I have all of them I think like I think I don't know Dan might get sad Bill's gonna want to be in a picture. I can't argue that I'm like yeah I'm gonna walk up girl I fucked while sleeping Making into an acronym nobody fucking follows Saying that knowing that bill has a massive hog, but I think that Lou would like,

you know, fuck the shit out of me in a nice way. Thank you. Yeah, Lou, I'm welcome, baby. Yeah, Lou would definitely fuck you the worst. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- You know what I mean? Have shit on his finger tips Bill would just bill would fuck you and just fucking oh You be looking in the mirror You're gonna be rehearsing lines Christian bail doing this Yeah, mom bill why you shake your head?

Because that's so not who the fuck I am Come on, Bill, why are you shaking head? Because that's so not who the fuck I am. Who are you, baby? Who are you? Who are you? I mean, she liked the most. As soon as I fucked you, I'd throw up on your tits. As soon as I put it in, I go,

I can't do this. You like my sister. You like my sister. I can do it. No, you like my sister. I can do it. Let me get you a push. I think that you and Bill Dawes would actually,

you'd be good for Bill, because Bill is a piece of shit. I think I would, like, what I've never seen from Bill, which is what I'd love to see. This is a massive cock. No, I've seen it. He sent me a picture of it. I want to see him, like, I just had no addition. It was fucked up. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm never seeing him in this vulnerable state. I live in that state. You just love that people would be unsuccessful?

Yeah, exactly. By the way, I live in that state all the time. Let's all be where Kelly's at. That's it. It's because he's so cocky and I'm like, give me some real that I can use. What have I done that's cocky since I've been in there today? What have I said that's cocky?

Have I been like, all those last three slides you said? Her were cocky. You were perfectly all those last three slides you said her I Want my Everything you said to her was pretty much cocky good point, but I also think I think you're lying with you say you want I want a guy who really can show that he's a failure That's about you that's about you I'm not true to her, I'm like, why don't you just date Louis?

I'm gonna like, like tell me about your dad or something. Like tell me about fucked up child. I don't know, tell me that's different from saying like I did this, I failed at this audition. No one wants an exam. No, that's an example of him being vulnerable. Yeah, what a shitty thing you need for a guy to be down to earth. I failed.

Fuck you. I love you. Or my dad and I have to have a fucked up relationship. Just some kind of truth that I can keep me awake. I can't connect with anything. All right, hang on a second, Kelly. One second. This yoga is really taking hold of you. Listen, tell her something real, Bill. What do you got? It's real. Tell me something. Okay, so my mom was an alcoholic. Yeah. And go home to school. She'd be passed out on the floor. Are you left? All right, there you go. Sorry, that was me. I

I was just picturing this ginger lady going, Bill get the fuck all of you Save me another two and Bill, I got massive fuck from my side of the family you motherfucker You're gonna use it you fucking med you my name All right You're gonna use it, you fucking meds your my name! Alright. And I'm doing a Broadway show that I think is gonna close in two months because people aren't fucking coming. That's vulnerable. That's not vulnerable, that's fucking he gets used to go. You're humble brag, that's what it is. It's a humble brag. No it's not.

You're mom could afford beer. My mom drank Paroxia She had a suck dick to get that from the fucking pharmacist Third listen Open up bill seriously. What do you get what do you want me to open about? I'm all right right now. Not your past. Yeah, I passed everybody has a story everybody's got a past Everybody's gonna sad fucking chat. We grew up in a shitty era right now What the fuck you got to offer a girl like Kelly? What do you got in terms of my insecurities and fears?

Say something. But I'll bring it up your credit. I will I will say I will say You know I will say this. I'm not whoever the guy is that you think I am like you call me mr LA look myself in the mirror. I grew up total fucking white trash I got beat up by black people every day with all black public schools group fucking How it's turn no so yeah, I know exactly so I didn't grow like secure or rich or anything like that So everything I do right now is some bullshit manifestation my insecurity where validation attention, right? That was good. Yeah was it, right?

Now suck us back, Ali. Go back. Suck us massive. And imagine his mom, while you're doing it. Him. One time, Stingo ate my bite. That deserves a king suck if I ever saw it. The king suck from Kelly for Stukin.

I know, I know. That was the fact thing. Incredible. That's good, Billy. I know, I know. That was the fact thing worse than that. Incredible. That's good, Billy. Good for you, man. And I also grew up very ugly and pimpley. Really?

Yeah. You look what? I grew up very ugly. Not now. I grew up very ugly. I had like pimples. I just fucked up. And I'm not saying, I don't want like...

Look right now. You know, I'm not a beauty. I don't want to put myself in a pedestal a bit. You look good. Yeah, you think. I got theater face. I I don't want to put myself in a pedestal bit. You look good. I got theater face. I look good, I'm theater. Put me from a TV, you know. But you know, really, you don't.

That's a thing, theater face. I'm not photogenic, like fucking Bobby Hollywood. I'm very photogenic, I'm too good. Yeah, you know what I want to do with Bill? I just want, I want to fucking dick. I'm just fucking dick. Gang dick. I want to pull a tampon out of his asshole with your teeth.

I'm just grinning the photo. I'm cheers. Would that be, would it be, would it be, talking to the mic, have you ever done a radio? What do you do your podcast on your phone? Yeah, it's just us and a plan parent had waiting room to earn a really girl's believe.

Would it be gay if I put tampons? I got bad hemorrhoids if I put a tampon on my asshole yeah that's okay no that's not gay that's stupid yeah listen what you want to do it you want to know what to do with your hemorrhoids well what should I do first of all you should stop you really stop itching your asshole you know that you're addicted I know you get it And this is not a fucking joke. I was a sleep itcher. What? This is fucking serious subject

Listen to me. I was a sleep itcher. We know assholes in this room All right, I would wake up with my finger in my asshole scratching my ass All and I swear to God I had stink finger a lot. And I woke up one night, my wife, because my fucking, I, each of my asshole, put my hand on the pillow, she rolled over, and right near her, right near her fucking nose, she smelled shit.

And you wanna ask your ass etudes of high, like sugar, like white sugar, if you eat a lot of, you know, like cocoa whatever, then that makes your asshole eat a lot. Listen, that's not true. Listen to me. We're talking about hemorrhage of fucking scientists. And into it. We just wanted to throw you dumb facts that you learn where.

You would have been on the corner of the asshole. On a 14 hour flight to your shit country, you read a fact in Quantus magazine. Do you know that chickens they make easy bum halves? You know what I've lived with my asshole? Listen, I know, but what I'm saying with talking hemorrhids, I'm swear to God, you get addicted to the itch. Do you feel addicted? Does that make sense? It feels awesome. I mean, it feels really good when you use your asshole. Itching your asshole becomes it. When you have roids, it's fucking, it's like clean your ears with a cute. Oh, yeah

It's like doing it the same time. It's almost like What do they call that when you get it to the edge? What's that? What's that called edging edging they call it edging? Oh, yeah, when you get it You're just sitting there for hours watching porn and you just edging you just having just shit drip You can get a big called ed thing. It's called edging? It's called edging, yeah. I call the training, like I was training. I don't know you.

You know what I mean? I know it. I know it. Like I'm practicing for one of fucks. Like you're fucking gonna, young Jedi. Fucking do pull ups while you're edging. One, two. No, but you get addicted to the itch.

And that makes it worse, okay? Because now you kind of like it a little, and what it is, is you're not wiping good enough. You need to get baby wipes, but get the preparation H baby wipes. So that's- That's those for over here. What those do is they will loosen up,

it will tighten up your asshole, tighten up, what it is, it's a vein that's inside and it's coming outside Okay, and it becomes itchy because of the poop and the shit and the all the little oils that come out of your butthole and then Coming right now. I'm so uncomfortable right now. It's fingers are gonna itch it's thinking about it He's fucking put his thumb in his mouth and started sucking on You know what else? I was at a, what was it? Did it's a hopper movie? It's fucking, you know, velvet, blue velvet.

I would love it. Call me daddy. Oh. But yeah, that's a hemorrhoids, man. You can, you can, it's a vein from inside your asshole. The vein? Outside of the asshole. Yeah, it's a, my hemorrhoids are so bad once my doctor

had to put rubber bands on them until they popped I know I have two images. I don't want in my fucking head And his ass. No, no I know that Okay, though That touch and dumb slash actor. That's okay though. But you need to have that. Did you see the fucking touch? Do you understand what she just did? We all get that right?

She's slowly like, okay baby, here's a little bit what you want. He felt it and his fucking dick stomped up. She's playing with you, Cox. I don't wanna fix him. I'm sorry, maternal, I wanna fix that. You gotta fucking take this. That's what it is, that's so eternal. I want to fix that guy. That's what women want.

They want to fix a guy. So I tell you, fuck, I can help you. Dan, you're going to take some of that talking head money and buy yourself a bidet today. Yeah, you got to shower after you shit, period. Shower after you shit. Well, why does the bidet come out of your ass? I don't know why I just heard that.

Dude, don't say that. Don't just give us fuck. No, I'm just saying'm just out Google somebody Google it. We just cook your cocks it up. Yeah Cork shit monster cock but day Why why does the vein come out in the first place? Why what are they what causes the hemorrhoids in first place? I was I don't know I've heard you push too hard. That's what I heard, right? Push too hard. You stay on the toilet too long. Uh, you push too hard. But then, you know, you start itching it because it becomes itchy. And because if you're, you know, there's the cock of fluid,

which is not just, look at this, there's an oil that comes out of your asshole. That was, that was like, I want to ask about that. What are you talking about? Was it oil that comes out of your asshole? You, you have prostate fluid comes out of your dick. prostate fluid comes out of your dick hole from your asshole, but you have secretions like a dog no absolutely you have the fuck out here. Let's get Dr. Steve on the phone Are you serious? Let's get him on the flange like I'm shooting glands like a cat like mark my territory. Do you eat ass? I eat ass. Yeah, sure. I love it. I love it. I used to love eat. Who said love it?

May. Is that school ball? Every time you say something, I'm not sure who said it. You can't even see my mouth move either. It's the worst. I can't find information that says bedazzle bad. The best thing ever invented. How about the clean-on-self, okay?

The clean-on-self, okay. The anal glands, how about you? I've never heard of it. I've never heard of it. You know what, help. Just do it. I know doushing is the best thing I've ever heard. That's terrible for women to do that. you know what I'm just doing. I know do shins person I'll be that's terrible for women to do that you know you do you met him useful before you go to bed So you had taken that's healthy shit in the morning. Don't take a minute

Yes, just regular fiber. You don't want that crazy fiber Right now still softness you need a softer poo because you the water yeah, I like it hard Stool softness you need a softer poo because you the water yeah, that's true. Yeah, I like it hard I like the same We'll give you a clean about that how he likes hard shit, so I think it's ridiculous Yeah, but the men in music will give you a clean break, so you're not even wiping that much all right I'm gonna What do you call dr. Steve right now because Kelly's fucking Google skills I told you the day shut up and just look for it.

But they hemorrhoids. What are we? Doctor. I have a doctor friend. Doctor Steve from Weird Medicine. He's, uh, he has a show weekly at one of my favorite shows on the network that we have, right, cast. I do not routinely pick up voicemails, and it may be a number of days until I pick up your message

if you decide to leave one. Wow. Not exactly. Oh, that's the wrong, Doctor Steve. That's very, uh. until I pick up your message if you decide to leave one. Whoa! What is that? Oh, that's a wrong Dr. Steve. That's very, uh... Oh my God, that's the one... Oh God, I've been calling this guy.

I've been calling this guy. I met this guy one time. He's Dr. Steve, but he's the wrong Dr. Steve. And I call him and I just hang up all the time. Because he sounds different than the Dr. Steve. I got to... The lead actor has a voicemail. Yeah, well, it's me calling for the fucking 50th time

and he doesn't know who I am. He met me once. Can I say it actually even since the toilet paper use is unhealthy, it's advisable to always use a bidet. Yeah, toilet paper is spreading peanut butter. We've talked about this on the show. We're the only country that does this. We're the only one.

If you took peanut butter, put it on your arm, wiped it down with the dry cloth.'s still there weird medicine hey what's up dr. stave hey bobby it's bobby Kelly everybody we're recording our podcast well we're recording our podcast here and we need we're having problems with hemorrhoids the whole thing and well that's interesting because we were just talking about hemorrhoids but statistically that would not be a surprise on this show right on this show it would not be a surprise either it's not mine but what I'm

asking is first of all I think you can get addicted to the itch I don't disagree with that okay you kids because it was like there's a pause those alluded answer yeah I mean because the itch actually becomes erotic disagree with that okay you case because it was like there's a pauses a loaded answer i mean because the itch actually becomes erotic right it's almost like it had a good to get themselves on their skin even there's a disease called more jolans that uh... causes of people to have this uh...

compulsive uh... need to uh... scratch their skin until they get down to the undercircles of the skin start pulling out fibers of You know epithelial tissue and stuff. I told you. Yeah, people do get addicted to itching them But because and there's also an oil like a fluid that comes out a fluid a fluid There's a fluid that comes out of your asshole You should you secrete what is that called it's not like poo but it but oil

yeah it's but oil it's when you have inflammation of the rectum or the anus and you start scratching it and uh... uh... uh... it and that area gets written and inflamed then it will start to secrete fluid just as you said and it's really a form of mucus but it's not how that

but a regular healthy but hold on that's a create any kind of fluid no i've a normal but hold on that secret and other than the opical matter and diarrhea if you know the food. Well I'm saying this Dr. Steve that that we do secrete a fluid it's a a fair mone correct. It's like badgers do that man. A fair mone. I got a fair mone.

Fair mone theory is in question but we do secrete oils and uh loop ricons in that area as well and uh... and sweat of course you know that you have we've all had swamp asked before so we know that there is fluid down there right so there is that you do secret oils like a like uh... down there almost like a dog right like a i i i heard that humans the reason why we're uh... we want to go down to that we want to go down to the ass hall is because we secrete like pheromones like a dog, like an oil, almost like a musk.

Well dogs actually have sent glands and the groomers have to go in there and open these glands up and excrete out all the gnasticness and it's really like kind of a sebaceous cyst. We don't really have anything like that. But we do produce oil on our skin and there's a little bit more down there. There's a lot of oil glands and there's a lot of sweat glands down there. Again, by the way, every dude has ever had swamp ass and that was what I'm talking about. Now, the one last question will let you get back to the actual better show than this.

How are hemorrhoids? How do they happen? And how do you get rid of them? Okay, hemorrhoids are varicose veins of the asshole. So if you've ever seen someone's legs where they've got varicose veins, it's the same thing. And they're caused by increased pressure in the colon. And usually caused by straining or by high pressures in the colon caused by our crappy American low fiber diet. And once they're there, they either have to heal on their own, in which case,

they'll turn into little skin tags and scarred down. and you'll have a ring of these gross little skin tags hanging out of your asshole or you can have a proctologist form and put rubber pants around them. Oh film. Now what if you fall in love with your hemorrhoids? And the only way you can come is if you hit your asshole while you're jerking off with a cute to be here Just enjoy all I can say enjoy. I All right. Thank you, Dr. Steve. You're the best weird medicine on riot cast one of my favorite shows Check that out. I'll talk to you later, buddy Okay, buddy. We'll see you

Well, that's funny Okay buddy, we'll see you in the next video. Well that's funny. Okay that's skin tag. I've always wondered about that. I've seen buttles like that. I'm like, why is there a lot of... I thought it was like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like So does that make you you weirded out by it because Kelly has one? I am Yeah, you know you do get a fuck dental floss wrap it around it. Let it die. I can't I've gone to the proctor

It's not big. It's tiny. It's a fucking ear you get hang in earring It's obviously big if you want to doctor about it I was when I was going through all my issues in my house He was like he was like what did what did the dog to say because you pulled their pants down her ass one He said it was so small that it's not even worth it. It goes. It's just looks for you You're just embarrassed by it. I'm like yeah Plus the guys throwing up on my backside Is that a new base It's good base

If you can leave an asshole, I don't know why you can't have a tag removed from an asshole. Why can't you have that thing removed? Cuz it's where is your microphone? Are you talking? I'm talking right into it. Yeah, I'm right into it I'm talking right into it. I'm right into it. Ah! I'm right here, man. There you go. It's attached to a blood vessel and he's like, listen, you get by time. Is that to your brain? Yeah. Oh, what if you died from that?

How funny was that, if she went half her body shut down? Like, she's like, you know, talk like this because she tried to get the skin tag removed from her asshole. Vanity took me down. Do it, pace, do it, PSI. because she tried to get their skin tag removed from her asshole. Vanity took me down. Do a piece of PSI. The other thing is that once someone is peering into your asshole, it is a little late. It's like, who cares?

No, that's not true. Every guy says that. No, that's not true. How much I think you have to do here? I've never had a sex ever, but from getting it from books. Never. If a guy's doing it from... She's got a bad wing hanging off her

Who was ever gonna fuck that? I mean me He said it I go for sad guys Oh, bad wing I'm like my ex was never like we had about bad it like I was always have conscious and he's like stop it It's fine like it's never big deal, but I'm it's me feel it's about it. Yeah me too. When did you even discover it after I got better and I'm Pied and I know she jumped off a building and she didn't die I got flight Open up like a parachute she landed softly in the bush

That's enough my hands. That's a horrible power in the bush. That's enough my hands. That's a horrible power. That's the worst superhero origin story ever. The sad of the Clark Kent's dad dying, remember? She gets thrown up the building by a villain. Their parents come off. Oh. Oh my god. I never knew. Oh. It's real. It should pick a cat out of a tree. Helps a kid who's getting bullied. It gets better. Oh, I see.

What is it then? Waaah! Waaah! We don't need Dan's sound effects. Me and Dan, the new Dan. The new Dan. Oh, that's funny. Oh, shit, guys.

All right, listen, man. This has been a fucking great show. Uh, I want to thank Jesus Christ. I can't get her dirty asshole out of my hand. That's a good lyric, it's beautiful. That is right that day. Get a duty asshole. Get in my head all the messabinho.

He's in it. It gets better. She slowly lets him down in his bone backyard. Honey, I'm right here, Mom. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah, fuck me. She starts attaching weapons to it. I made this map. It's a Tommy gun that has an earring clip on it. Kelly's fucking tag-dasshole. But I want to thank you guys. Dan, you're a fantastic man.

I'm glad you actually- Thank you for having me. I've been wanting to come on for a long time. Thank you for coming back, man. I've been wanting to come back. Actually, come back whenever you want. I love to. I got to- Dan was very excited to come on the show. I've been wanting to come on for a long time. I do come back, man. I do come back, man. Actually come back whenever you want.

I love to. I got a damn was very excited to come on the show. I'm really excited. I'm excited to have you. I mean, to be honest with you, I, uh, I heard about you before. I think somebody brought you up to come on one of my shows and then I,

I didn't know who you were and then I saw you and I was like no I totally judged the book by its cover But I heard a lot of great shit about you After that I was like oh this guy's and then but now I'm very glad I had John because I've seen your stuff and you're very funny comedian Well, thank you and I thought you just saw my act right then I saw you and I was like this is horrible Oh, no, no, no, I saw you. I mean and then but your face is No, I saw you face. I was disgusting. I'm not selling moonshine this week Well, you know, I found out that's very funny about guys like you and the beard

There's a lot of bearded commas a thing. You know, it's what it is It's it's almost like when sports code of the 220. It's almost like when Dane was famous. There was a lot of guys doing a lot of movement. But a lot of guys who have Beards, which we had with with what's his name? Sean Donnelly. Sean and who else? Taylor. Taylor. They were like, no, man, I just I'm fucking ugly. Yeah, I had to say thing. I have no chin at all. I had a beard on college, you know, even for any comedy It's fucking weird like you know how you you I've you read into this shit Yeah, and you're like oh everybody's getting a beard because of this

But you guys are just ugly scared people like me right? Like I don't even so weird though. It's like like me and Louis Hey, it's not like not Bill I don't think I'm like like, I get to, that's like, people doing the daincooked thing. That's like just ripping somebody off. It's not like, yeah. My comedy's nothing like Zach Alphanakis's.

I mean, he's a one-winer guy. Yeah. You know what I mean? I just look like him. And I also even walk like Zach, so kind of sucks, you know what I mean? Because like, I mean, like, we have the same web walk and show like that.

I'm fatter than I might realize that. And it's true. Now I'm fatter. Yeah, what do you mean? It's famous. He lost a lot of weight But like now like people are crazy. I was in the road and there was someone who did Louis and Burr right now like fucking identical to the point of like Even and then I'm holding a water bottle and I'm like What the fuck is this you know like the same cadence and then I'm like right afterwards Hey, what's going on like the same fucking Berk it was the host and then the feet it was crazy

It was stuff like this. It's always like that for a while It was a lot of Mitch out there and a lot of Dane a lot of Mitch I remember that and then it's out I did much yeah a lot of people did a tell man a lot of fucking I mean people we know Did a fucking tell but there is I think that there is a Point that comics go through where they do become somebody to become themselves right? I think this I've seen guys I remember when I was coming it was Anthony Clark We're a lot of guys who do Anthony Clark Wow and all you know they would even say Dane did Anthony Clark

or Jim Carrey to become himself. I think that some guys are just fucking hacks and can't, they're always, they're gonna be that and then they're gonna turn to shit. But some guys do become, you know what I mean? What I've noticed now is because of the internet because comedy is so big, people are doing people before they can get that famous.

I hear a lot of John Mulaney, which I think is fucked up because John Mulaney hasn't popped yet. So I mean, he's popped, but you know what I mean? He's comedy famous. He's pretty big. But he's not, he's not, he's not, he's not household name famous.

Right, yeah. And I'm saying if one of those guys would get famous first that would really suck for John Mulaney. It won't because John Mulaney is so fucking good. John Mulaney is so, oh my God, he's lucky man. You can't help but fucking laugh at that, Corksucker. He's so funny. His cadence is unbelievable.

People do it, man. People are doing that cadence. But that's our business. That's what happens. People did prior. People did calling. People did dice. You know what I mean?

When I started doing Margaret Cho. Yeah. What are you gonna do? When I started doing Margaret Cho. Yeah. What are you gonna do? Have some type of one woman show that's wasn't sell out? I'm kidding. Liz hit. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

She's just got a brand new gig on television. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, I'm very glad to have you on, dude. Well, that you read me. It was really fun. I love new guys on and, you know, I mean, the one thing that I like about this show is that we're we're all a comedy community We're not we don't all hang out in the same packs. We're not all friends

But when it comes down or if you put us on a room we'll have a blast. Well, we all we have fun That's why I love this show. That's why I have a lot of people on you have too many get fuck you This is what it is and and I'm glad you came on come back. Thank you. Thank you for having me and Louis I fucking love you Look at these cheesy. I really do I fucking love him. He's so not what I love people who aren't what you expect them to be When you I love being surprised and he's definitely a I always shocks me and again you shock me We did it with the breast milk last time now He always shocks me and again you shock me we did it with the breast milk last time now

Fucking I know he is Dawes you the best thanks for coming on. I'm sorry that Kelly I actually liked that you got you to reveal a few things I made me mad that you broke and you weren't an alpha male And you're gonna post out and let some fucking twat with a gap tell you what what but whatever It was nice If you don't fuck Kelly now you are a pussy. I got to reveal more shit in order to do that I don't care what you have to do. I don't give you a gonna cry on this bitch's shoulder

You better at least titty fuck this chick what you dick and take a snapshot like fucking Louis did The show the rest of this uh... we'll leave that by the way of course not nothing not really to join in so you know piece of stringing your mother could have been stringing well yeah could have been you fucking having con candy yeah exactly what do you what do you know what do you got what you play man i want everybody is called brons bombers about the Yankees it's's a circling square. Yeah, come on down.

Say you don't know what dude and get $32 tickets. Really? All right, so tell them again. Go to them and say you don't know what dude and you'll get $32 tickets. Can you say the name of it? You know what dude podcasts? Are you reading it?

No, but I don't know. You're like, what did I say wrong? You put on the shame. Okay, let's see. You go to Bronx Bombers and say you know what dude you'll get $32 tickets. That's pretty cheap. They're a hundred dollar tickets Yeah, it's a great show the theaters one of my favorite theaters in New York Used to be right up the street from my house, which I miss but it's one of my favorite theaters in New York You've been there before yeah, and it's a because it's not a bad seat in the house. No, not a bad seat in the house. It's fucking great. And I love the way the

that I love about theater is they make the impossible happen. Because you walk in. It's just in the round. And the floor goes up and down and shit gets more and all of a sudden is I love it. So go see it. It's a great play. What's the name of it again? Bronx Bombers. What do you got Louis? You should follow me on Twitter. It's L.O.U.I.S.K.A. TZ is the name of it again? Bronx Bombers. What do you got, Louis? You should follow me on Twitter. It's LOUISK, TZ is the name. That's same on my website, same with the other stuff. Is that what you're, you're killing me for, right?

Promoting yourself, right? Yeah. I like you to do that. I like you to do that without being weird. This comes down to 24th, so anything you got after that. What the fuck, days that? Oh, come see me. If you listen in LA

I'll be at R.I. Should fear storyteller park show at the improv so come see me tell a story Fuckin love that show and yeah, so I'll be on that and And I'll be on the improv that Wednesday as well So if you're in LA that week. I'll be at the Hollywood improv Wednesday and Thursday and again, it's L.O. U.I.S. K.A. TZ I make sure you go see him make sure you sure you let them know you heard them on this show. Did. All right. What do you got, Dad Danny?

Um, just Google, Dan St. Germain. Dan St. Germain.net. I'm really terrible at selling myself. I'm glad you're not on the couch. And then, uh, and then I have a podcast called My Dumb Friends, An Old Things Comedy, which is shown Donnelly.

And if I'm your self, I'll be in Arlington Draft House beginning tomorrow very popular podcast by the way always in the top fucking 100 if not top 40 am I am I my mind? You know, we're not but Really I got I got a really I gotta keep doing Weird line a bit stuff The top I said it I'm just a weird line about stuff You know what? You're not lying, I can be mistaken I can be I am with it at the top I said it I said it

I said it Bill has a feeling I love it I love it Bill It's funny, you should come on I would definitely come on As long as you did it in the studio

No, I'm kidding, I would definitely come on I love coming on to the podcast What do you got, Kelly uh... just following the twitter calis figure and all my shows in the over-known uh... website what three thousand over three thousand followers and you know how how many you get low forty one hundred something

uh... sixty two hundred that's good i love it i don't know i just love when people from the show follow people. I love that. That is really happy. What do you got there, Mask Boy? The Mask.

You'd get me on Twitter. I got nothing really exciting coming up. I don't know the road for. All right. We're going to be doing the Jersey comedy festival. Oh yeah, you want to bring that up or no? Yeah, we're going to be doing the Jersey comedy festival. When was that, Bobby? I do we want to bring that up or no? Yeah, we're gonna be doing the Jersey comedy When was that probably I don't know Well, we're doing it with we're gonna do a live show Q&A in Jersey for the festival

Working out with Chris Ellis and the laugh button is gonna be producing it You know we're in good hands. No, we don't but it's coming out soon So make sure you look for that or it will be on my website robbercaleylive.com We're also we're doing wins is coming out the 24 So make sure you look for that or it will be on my website robbercally live.com Uh, we're also We're doing wins is coming out the 24th. Thank you for watching. I check this out Rich ball rich boss and bonding McFarlane my wife hates me podcast will be going live live march 11th at the comedy Cellar at the village underground they're gonna be doing their podcast live stand up each of them then they sit down do the show live with a very special guest marriage counselor so you don't

want to miss this it's going to be a fucking hilarious show village underground tickets a 10 bucks that's it 10 bucks at the comedy seller dot com website over to the right you can see the thing they have a poster there. They're going to be signing it. It's going to be a holy shit night. It's on the 11th. So get your tickets now. It's only a 200 cedar. It's going to sell out. So buy your tickets now. March 11th. My wife hates me podcast live. And for myself, Bobby, there's going to be the 27th and 28th of February at the Improv and Atlanta Georgia. I fucked up on those dates, so.

And the first, I'm sorry, and the first, March 1st. I fucked up, it was supposed to be this week and my wife fucked up plugged in the wrong info, so I apologize, I'm gonna be making that up that date. So there you go. March 7th, you're the Bushnell Theater and Hartford Connecticut. Woo!

The March 28th and 29th Uncle Vinnie's and Point Pleasant, New Jersey, and April 18th Boston, fracking the prodigal kids coming back home to the will, but theater. Fucking yeah, Joe, I'm gonna be doing some fucking jokes about my fucking baby, right? So hopefully you'll enjoy them. Fucking you and Sally will come, let's go. All right, so that's it. You guys are the best. Thank you for donating. Thank you for supporting our sponsors. Thank you for listening to the,

you know what? You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop. Stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop.