Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - I Don't Know

Episode Date: May 6, 2013

Robert is at a loss for words as to what to call this podcast or why. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Ma mal, a Madrid.

in all your devices. Plus, to TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? On the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. All right, here we go. We are doing the intro, not we, I, doing the intro too, I don't know. I don't know what the name is because I didn't know

where the fuck I was at the end of the show. I didn't know what happened. It was two hours and 20 minutes. It's, sometimes I don't know when to shut the mics off. Sometimes I don't know when to have that, you know, say no or not have that many people in the room. I'm cutting it down. That's it. I'm not having five, six people in the room anymore. It's not happening. I don't know if you've noticed I've been doing these one-on-ones every other

Thursday. I can't do them every Thursday because I don't have the time to do them because I'm on the road If I was doing the podcast You know making money at this or I do the show every day for you guys. I do one-on-ones. I do everything But I don't have the ability to do these one-on-ones all the time, but I do try to get them out But I kind of like them because there's these serious moments and there's not serious, but genuine moments, I guess I would call them. This show, I don't know, it was fucking good, it was bad, I loved it, I hated it. I'm sure people are going to be, you know, everybody has their fucking opinions

of what happened and I don't know, it was a very confusing show for me. I have a lot of anxiety lately. I've been frustrated a lot, pretty emotional. It's probably because I'm having this child and things are going crazy in my head. I don't know, but this fucking, I hate when I say fucking, God damn it, I gotta stop that. I hate swearing on stage too. Jesus. I'm gonna slow down. Anyways, look at me, I'm losing my mind on the intro.

This should be the fucking show. I don't know. That's what it is. I don't know. This is a two hour and 20 minute show. So if long podcast you don't like, fucking see you later. Listen to the Thursday shows. It's only an hour or so.

One on one. And here is Nate Bugazzi came in, and I love Joe List, Dan Soda, and Kelly Fistuka. You know, I get it, I actually brought up some serious moments during the show, and of course that shut everybody down. Nobody wants to talk about that. As soon as you bring up something serious, nobody has a fucking joke about it so everybody quites down, clams up and I look like a fucking emotional asshole

trying to be serious for the budget comics but fuck that. I'm emotional goddamn it so I don't know enjoy enjoy the show let me know what you think why KWD at riotcast.com Email me and if you don't like the show and if they fuck you and fuck that don't email me that You can have that if it's a legitimate critique like dude. I don't know if the fucking show is. I don't like when you fucking or I like it or you know, I don't know. Something like that. If it's a legitimate critique or accolade or whatever, send it. If not, don't. If you're just being a dick-cunt fuckball asshole, shut your face move on but otherwise ykwdricast.com

that's it I'm an Edminton Edminton I don't know how to fucking say it apparently I'm saying it wrong Edminton Edminton Edmonton I don't know whatever I'm in Canada right now doing these It's funny because I'm doing these this intro right now and I remember around a year and a half ago maybe longer I did one of my first podcasts up here You can listen to it if you go back find it somewhere on iTunes By myself I did it It's crazy. I remember I was talking about UFC all by myself at the same table at the same chair and now we have a studio and a

bunch of people that come on every week. So there you go motherfucker. That's it. Hey gang this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Kreiser. Staying cookin' you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude?

You know what dude? You know what dude? If you bippy bbya, if you bippy boo, dippy dippy dhya, you have a dabba doo. Dude! This is Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? I'm a stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, I'm in the water, you know what I mean? I'm in the water, I'm in the water, you know what I mean? I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, you know what I mean?

I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, you know what I mean? I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the fan off. There you go Joe. Oh, we live now. Oh yeah. Jesus Christ. That's a story of life right there. Are we live now? All right, here we go. All right, we're we're in. We're in welcome. Yeah. I'm bummed out that we have a visitor here who now thinks that we always start to show you going, here we go! We don't start to show like that. We're here, welcome to another episode of... You know what, Dad! And we have a K-A, the fucking sensitive Joe.

No, I'm kidding, kidding, don't get sensitive right away. Joe List is here, my baby girl, my lover, my vine buddy. We got Dan Soda, aka Big Head, flat nose, voice boy, and- Voice boy. How are you, Joe? Monster voice, Kelly Fistuka, one tit Fistuka. Hello, yeah.

What did we call last week? Picasso titties. What is it? Picasso titties. Did you see that fucking drawing? I'm the picture I know. And then we got, I mean, I don't know how we got them and I'm so glad he's back. Bill Burr.

No, I'm just going to call excited. Dan would move to LA if Bill was like come out here and get out I'd like that little sidekick. He would move to LA. We got Nate Bagazzi Yeah, it's happening. It's happening. I don't have to do this from my phone On the garage the guest spot which is people are really enjoy your guest spot every week We're about out of ideas. So I hope they had fun I just stress out about that all week That's good though that could be a guest spot that's stressing out about that. That's all

Look man, I told you you know, you know if you don't do when you don't when you want you don't have to do it every week If you don't want to do it last, but I got it. I got one. Did you put the last one? I do I put them all up That's what I do. Yeah, you didn't respond back to me though. So I thought you hated me. No. I know I was done. I was just busy. I do a lot of shit. I had a lot of going on. That's what we said we go. It's just they go, I always pregnant. I mean, you were talking on the one and said, well, they're about to have a baby.

And like, I thought maybe you did have the like, did they have the baby? That's why he's not answering me. And then we're like, well, him and his wife are thinking about having a baby and like I thought maybe you did have to like did they have the baby that's why he's not answering me and they were like well him and his wife are thinking about having a baby like that so I don't know is it not good the fuck was that Joe that was it if you must know that was me laughing at Nate's mom that was uh... creepy uh... no i'm sorry I didn't respond. I thought I did. But you often don't respond to friends.

Not to emails. No. I responded to, look, I like calls. I don't like the fucking text shit. I have too much to say. And I don't spell that well. And then the thumbs and all that. And it's just a fucking annoying.

I'm usually somewhere in a cab and I'm getting car sick Trying to respond to some asshole when I just call me hey Bob. It's Dan. Hi Dan. It's Bob I was thinking blah blah blah blah blah and then we talk for five minutes. All right. I'll talk to you later, buddy Take care. I mean what the fuck ever here of brain cancer? Yes, you can't get brain can. You ever hear a fucking thumb cancer? I was about to make a thumb cancer joke. Boy, we're on the same page. We are on this room for us, but That was a great Dan when I said don't talk over everybody. I didn't mean don't talk. What the fuck?

What the fuck? Yeah, you little fucking silent scorned dog. Not at all. Oh my god. Just waiting patiently for my opportunity to speak. Oh, Jesus, if you like the fact that it's fucking Lewis is the problem. And I get dragged under because that goddamn animal. You're being a little loud.

Yeah, you're being loud. And you actually, I was in the middle of a... No, get it. Listen, it's Jesus' name. learn how to fucking be on a show I know you know, I know you do you do fucking shows that you don't have to do radio for Wow That would that would have killed if there was any headliners in the room That was like a backwards zinc having to do radio.

Is it shitty? No. When you have to do when you headline on the road you have to do radio to promote your show. You guys are all middleers so you don't have to wake up and do that. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. Talk about the 90s. Ha ha ha ha. Radio was still do radio. I have to do radio. I have to do radio. I have to fly in tomorrow to do radio on

Thursday everyone's lying to Bobby every club's like yeah they get come to radio you know what I hate is that Kelly's using her iPad as a video camera like a black lady at an Obama event it's nice it's blocking her face though yeah and that one heavy tit yeah old come over titties Kelly looks hot hot today, yeah, that's really. She did, no, he meant like hot like sweaty, fat hot. You're right, you're right. He looks like sweaty ham. You know that ham.

Say it with ham. Get it out, get it out. Get it out. Get it out, get it out. Get it out, get it out. Get it out, get it out. Get it out, get it out. Get it out, get it out. Get it out, get it out. Get it out, get it out. Get it out, what is your name again, I forget Jessica is here sitting in the civilian seat that we have at the YKWD studios.

We're actually moving studios. Oh. How do you feel about it? Well, right across the hall. They're taking the lockers out? They're going to thin the lockers down. With what? With thinner lockers.

That's just a weird thing. They can use a thinning device. Just like, just cutting right down the middle. Well, look, I told themrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr private session. He's done. He's not going to be able to fit in that new studio. You're going to have to do it in his car. Yeah. Well, you have to throw a mic out the window. That's what I was going to say. I can on a string. Wow. Yeah. It was fucking 1802. I have a long cord. I guess technology solved that one. But we're back in the, I'll be back in the bullpen. We're going to move, we're going to move studios right across the hall.

It's going to be just our room. And we're gonna have some fucking insane new features Like live video We're gonna video now for the show so when we do the show people will watch it live while we're doing it And then downloaded on that Monday. So I won't put the only insane feature here. What's that what you say? I want to be the only insane feature I kind of liked it. It's a middle-life joke. I got it. I liked it. I'm really good. I just just disturbed by fucking Kelly holding up a ripad again I'm gonna have to side with Mr. Thrilla here and see the stupid tweet that he's been bragging about They've been bragging about it since you come in

Come in you just sound like a carpenter for Medford I didn't say anything. Give him a break about it since you come in. It's gonna come in. You just sound like a carpenter from Medford. Boom! I got a laugh from Moses. All right. That's a good manager. That was a good tweet. Anyways, so we're gonna be having all kinds of new features.

And video being one of them live video, archive video, and the couch, I think we're gonna get rid of the couch. Maybe get a bigger fridge so we can put more, well you guys all quit beer, so that's cool. We can just stick with this fridge. I did not. Have a beer. You guys all walked in with pizza, which I,

rather insulting, and not nice. What happened is the train was all fucked up. I would have here like a minute. Oh, they give him a pizza out on the train when it's fucking stalls? Yep, it's an awesome new policy. So I read the train is late, everybody get to say to pizza and a candy cane.

Shut the fuck up, you guys got off the fucking train and went and got pizza on Fat Bob. Boy, Bobby took his funny pills this week, huh? Yeah, right, right. By the way, pizza and candy can's awful combination. And went and got pizza on fat Bob boy Bobby took his funny pills this week By the way pizza and candy canes awful combination. Yeah, I know, but it was a funny. It's pizza and candy cane K CK is very funny Right? Yeah, he used to be a lot more funny. I'll tell you that Yeah, what the fuck is that? Why were you guys walking in with pizza pizza because we got off the train and none of us had ate today

eaten? eaten? how do I know that? I knew that too and I don't know a lot ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha used to beat me. Oh, we used to get that reference. No, well, some people who listen to the show do. I'm sorry they didn't be able to get that reference. I'm sorry that you didn't get the reference because you're not a fan of the show. I've never heard it. So, I fast forward to the very end to where it's a guest spot. Yeah, it's actually in the middle. It takes me 20 minutes to fast forward through a nine hour podcast. Well, the fans wanted more.

Did they say that? Yeah. Well, I think eight people did. And I took that as the majority. That's an awful. Well, there's one guy today was like, taking last week's podcast was fucking unlistened. A fucking fucking, which I get.

It gets a little fucking crazy sometimes, but he said it once and I was like okay And then he tweeted it again like what do you want? What the fuck do you want? You want me to what do you want me to do? Well, you want your money back douchebag. It's free. I'm sorry You didn't like the show one week You're the same asshole that liked it two weeks ago at the best thing I ever heard and now you fucking hate it good for you You want your voice heard get your own podcast. I'll put you on rye cast as fucking anonymous

That's a douche bag. It's a bad idea You are being so funny. Thank you. Can you you're like a shitty an audience member? That was a good one Thanks just laugh. I'm good. I'm good with just laughter Thanks just laugh I'm good with I'm good with just laughter Like a gun shy made Dan It's completely I just did it. Yeah, I'm like I did it. Sorry. I'll go back to the bullpen We should get that guy that tweeted to take dance place young Young thriller young thriller Mr. Thriller That's not the guy Bobby was talking about though

No You get a lot of tweets you guys walk in with a lot of hate tweets You get hate tweets no I had a guy on my Facebook fan page My Conan he went to four different comments and just started treaching my Conan. Why? Out of control, like Craig, it's the worst thing I've ever heard. His name is Joe DeRosa. He started getting an argument with people about it, like this guy out of his mind, he hated it. Why do you hate it? I don't know, whatever reason. But I liked that he hated it. reason why do you want to four different places

to show me that he hated it that's awesome that has to be somebody you know no it's not just a guy in Jersey there's like it's somebody it's somebody you know that can't be just some random got what do you look at it It's four different places or I think the he goes to and almost when I post it again Someone goes it's funny and he goes I just rewashed it. It's just as bad as it was I guarantee it's soda and it's probably Vecchi out and soda just fucking way. Oh Vecchi on has no idea how to work a computer There he does he uses it just as thumb No idea how to work a computer. That's right.

There he does. He uses his thumb. No, he's just typing with one finger. You have to throw a banana every other fucking letter. I asked him to record Nate's set. And he's like, I don't know how to record stuff. I'm like, it's you just hit record. On the menu, he's like, I can't do it.

There's that. He hooked up a VCR. How about a VCR? No, he doesn't. Yeah. I think he still makes tapes. Mix tapes to the road? Mix tapes.

They're still like, still is only comic honor that sends an actual VHS tape in to get something. And that's why he can't get it because they go, we can't watch this tape. We physically cannot watch this. Yeah, we don't own one of these. How about that buddy? Mike Racine, he put a YouTube clip of his material on these funny comic and he had lined it as worst comedian ever because he thought it Get a lot of hits but what happened was people started writing. That's not the worst ever Like it's pretty bad

Couple things in there that could be good Shit I Want pizza now. I'm sorry. I tried getting them to eat them. Where'd you get it from? Amores. Amore. Where's that? Right next to the IFC movie theater on 6th Avenue in West 4th.

Or West 3rd. And you were saying that it's better than Joe's? Go ahead. Well, I like Ben's on the corner, which featured in Louis. I like it. It's Louis. I like it's good. I think it's great I like bands, but I like Ben's grandma pizza Great Ben's grandma pizza is The best fucking pizza on the planet earth. That's it. Where's that? Where's Ben's grandma's pizza? Yeah Like my sitting nearby you like my sister. I still think the same thing. What is that a style?

I still think the same thing what is is that a style of it's it's cut into the it's made square But it's made with a flaky a flaky almost like a pastry type of dough It's it's so fucking good. It's the last piece of pizza I had before I quit cabs That was it. That was your last It's fucking amazing. It's truly amazing. Ben's grandma pizza is Stupid good. You know Louis gets free pizza from Ben's for life Because he's it's a commercial every he has his own show. I thought he had to pay for it though He does Huh, well, I thought he's gonna have to pay for it though. Could you couldn't get the title on the top?

So he worked out a deal where you have to pay them enough But could you see Ben's pizza isn't on the top of the he's just staying at the front of it No, I had facts. I stopped it with facts. Come on. If that was a DVD extra that I'm gonna start these guitars I have over here. I'm gonna start using just smash Kelly with a hockey talk man Kelly for stupid. I hate to defend Kelly because I don't like her But we can't just be saying it's a bomb when you're just saying Factual or whatever thoughts you can't just be like I watch I

He didn't even try the name of the play I'll tell you why though because Kelly I'll tell you why Kelly delivers everything like it's gonna have an awesome thing at the end everything like it's gonna have an awesome thing at the end. Yeah, there is a boy. And you're like, ugh. You're like a shaved gorilla. He's gonna choke, see? You're gonna make him choke. He's gonna die.

To the audience, Bobby's eating a banana right now. And we were in size of a krill I don't like I don't like what's your name again? Jessica she's losing her shit. I don't like that we smash Kelly. She laughed but covered her mother She's just of teeth and Lavon had a fat joke about me, but Kelly's left tit that died I'm laughing at a fat joke about me, but Kelly's left tit that died. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She got a living newton, John Tits.

Oh. Oh, loves headed, Titi from Stupor. Ah, I got a tattoo of a fucking pink bandana around that tit. Everyone says that when they were coming west, her van, her wagon got caught on her left titty. And her family had to pull her out. How can they take a wagon from Australia? They probably still have them there.

What happened? What happened? Phone time. Guys, fire! Everyone get out of the way! It's safe! I'm gonna have a... Go!

Go! Go! That was Nick the Paula. There's like a jump from a plane. Go! Go! No phone time. go come now is nicked a power is it a jump from a plane come go go uh... no phone time no phone time

uh... i think that the uh... grandma pizza's great i think joe's pizza is amazingly good and and john's pizza is fucking stupid good but i had to if i had to try i never try a more days very good i love it I've never tried. Yeah. Can I interject the best piece? Yes. Not some of the best piece in New York is near my house.

Second avenue and third, it's on the corner and it's like a thick fluffy crust. They have like honey glaze chicken and like, oh, chicken on Frodo, he's fucking insane. So come on guys. To all the listeners that has said that they don't want talking over or anything like that We're not gonna we're doing that today We're trying to not talk over each other and be crazy, but that means Kelly's gonna speak more

So you make the choice. Yeah, let me bomb let me It's yeah, there's too much time for her to get in now And we all shut the fuck up. I use me learn. Oh, grieve. I bum Well, you should fucking you should be 900 feet right now Jim Jim no No! No! Don't choke! Don't choke! You're gonna make him die! Stop! He was maybe choking banana. Was you no Kelly, if I choke banana,

do not stop filming, get that. I want that on my Facebook. I got a kid to support. Four weeks. Can I throw a topic of conversation out there? I'm asking you to do that. Yesterday. I'm sorry, a motion picture called the place beyond the pines. Yeah.

Absolute masterpiece. Does anybody seen it? Well, the best movie I've seen in years is Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling, who I want to fuck. And Ray Liotto. Saw the coolest. I don't want to fuck him. First. I mean, you both have dad issues, So I've heard it's about that.

What the fuck why am I out of that? Well you made a big three dad exactly you're doing. You're getting greedy. Billy we made it. Nate. Our kid named out of his name after a dad issue if you ask me. Yeah I don't have a dad. I mean he's got the greatest relationship. His dad looks exactly like him. Yeah. And they talk exactly. It's like we can't him like Cooper my dad See if it can you do a guest spot next week The movie's amazing. Let's see it. It's spectacular really good unbelievable Can you tell people without spoiling it? Sorry, can you tell people without spoiling it? I'm sorry.

Can you tell people without spoiling it? What it's about? Bradley Cooper. Well, I went to see it without knowing what it's about, but it's like a, it's about America. It's a very American type story. It's a lot of crime and it's just exciting and great. Is that instinctual with a redneck? Just here in America and like you

I thought we about start training USA, but It's not fishing immediately. It's really phenomenal. Um, is it out now or did you get like some special thing? What am I an asshole? It's on the theaters. Yeah, they did a tiny mouth sneak preview. Well, you know It's a vine He get to wisdom You get three things of popcorn, three pieces of popcorn in your and one mic and I. What do you mean? Like, because it's like, you're mother small. No, because you're mother small. Oh, right. So it's not like a lot. It's a small. Is that your ankle, Taijins? I do. I don't like that he has foot loose fucking balls right now. Joe's just let people know when you got it, you show it.

You do, you do. I got it nice. You really do look fucking sexy from the waist down. You got a nice, what are you talking about? Look at this. That's looking good. All right, just doing pull-ups on the train. I saw his, Joe's vying the other day.

His girl makes me, she is just so awkwardly funny. She does, they put bandanas on, or fucking around their head, and they play these stupid music, and they just dance to each other. But her, she is so fucking awkwardly. Her face is, it's like she's so seriously trying to do it. So funny

We broke up this morning. Oh, did you really? Yeah, why I'm just I'm sag eligible Yeah, the worst the keyword is eligible Yeah, I could join, but don't choose to wow Yeah, yeah, I don't want to pay the fees. Yeah, you can't, because you don't have enough money. Yeah, but that doesn't stand any about my acting.

Yeah, it doesn't say you don't put the back down. Just admit it. Didn't just didn't work. The mic and I exposed a decent. All right. But I'm an excellent actor, and you can't prove otherwise. I can. Let's do an acting scene right now.

Oh, nice. Joe, what are you doing? I'm kidding, dude. Joe. Joe, I'm sorry, dude. Oh, just kidding. Oh, my God sorry dude. Oh my god. I fuck wow That was good man, you know what it been even better. Oh, it's you out acted Joe by faking the concern that you had for him What are you talking about man?

Why do you gonna take it there Dan? Every time me and Joe get into it you go to fucking chime in and say something that hurts my feelings And then I get fucking angry because that's what when I get hurt I get fucking angry Dan and I don't want to get angry anymore. Bobby, let's get back to the acting bit. Cut, cut. Listen Bobby. Yes. The real Robert Kelly goes higher as he gets angry.

So I'm going to need you to go and do almost a banshee like screech. Banshee like screech. I'm of course referencing X-Men character Banshee Where's that? Holy shit. Do we have another banana? Wow that was one of the great bombs That was one of those bombs where um, well, that was another good line by Kelly That was one of those bombs with this confusion. I know. Yeah, that's like we threw a fucking hand grenade in the room Yeah, stun grenade, but we're just like

Flash flash yeah Yeah, it was like we threw a fucking hand grenade in the room. Yeah stun grenade. We were just like Flash Flash yeah, that was a flashbang grenade You guys got the stun grenades. What's he talking about? Like no one would know what that means? Wow, they would they would say the flashbang. I think flashbang you could actually use the word stunned I was after you got flashbang what happened. I don't know. I was just stunned You could use it the guy that describes it. Yeah, like I was stunned by the flash And then you say give me the stung grenade. They're gonna go. I don't know what you Stun gun you mean and then yeah, and then you got it he goes whatever the things

Maybe like you got it the guys gone the guys gone It's got to work the guy just got away. That was my acting. That was good. I liked it I think we're all good. I'm trying to do we're all doing Kelly. Did you fill one of your boobs because it does look fuller? Does it yeah? I don't know. I'm wearing a different bra from last week. I don't want you to lie out in the sun this week Just a little okay. Well, I'm too white. What's your point? You look like you're topless right now Because I'm wearing a t-shirt. Yeah, white t-shirt. Please think I don't figure the jokes out in your head Because I'm wearing a t-shirt. Yeah, white t-shirt. Please. Yeah, don't figure the jokes out in your head All right But it's great to want your work it out

While talking she's like, what do you mean? I'm a tini when I'm wearing a shit Shit to I she probably referencing my shirt. She referencing my shirt saying it's the same kind of I was like 25,000 dollar pyramid To work It's a shirt. It's a white, I've picked it. It wasn't clear to me. Is it tanning oil?

Oh boy, we are having fun. We are having fun. So I'm a month away from this fucking child. They're going to stop saying fuck by the way. I say it way too much. Well don't worry, because Lewis around his baby just likes to say it all the time. Does he really?

It's insane. To the point where I told him like, Lewis, he just stopped saying fucker and he's like, what? He's a baby! And you're like, yeah! He's not taking any of this in? Oh man, when we went to UFC,

Vic and I were making fun of him. Cause you know, he like puts on UFC and makes his son watch it. Like he's like sitting there watching UFC holding James and we're like, you're desensitizing your child to violence. He says that there's going to be like a fight at school. It's going to look over. James is going to have a boner. He's going to be like,

He's going to have to take that kid up into the woods. It's true. Just fucking take that kid up into the woods man. Just fucking raise that kid. Yeah, fix that he's gonna take him out to Siberia and teach him in Sambo. He's like Darrell from the Walking Dead. Um, the fights this week was, I don't know if you got, you're not into the fights right, Joe? No, no.

You know what I like about John Jones, guy. Well his toe. Oh, I couldn't see it. It was the grossest piece of video, little gif video that I've ever seen on the internet. He's pushing off, not even doing anything. He's literally just using his leg to push off and his toe. And he's using so much strength to push off on that one foot.

His toe, his big fat long toe snaps look I don't want to see it. Look at it. And they show the video. It snaps and breaks and the bone pops out. Fantastic. I love it. It was so slow.

Where's the Louisville kid? I mean the Louisville kid thing. That made me sad. I've never seen that. The Louisville. What is that?ville King made that made me sad I've never seen that the Louisville what is that in the In the NCAA tournament okay Louisville basketball basketball. Thank you Nate boys boys basketball. Thank you. I know their men What is it point guard? Yeah, I don't know something came down on this leg and it compact fracture It was crazy. It was they got they showed it on CBS Prime time Sunday afternoon.

You can't unwatch it. You can't unwatch it. It's a bone. It's a bone. And then they cut to him and it's like literally like four inches. In shorts. And he's in shorts. So it's not like that.

Thank God. That'd be weird if he was in fucking yoga pants. That's what they were talking about. We're going to talk about it. We're going to talk about it. Because the thysman thing, you know, the geothcizion one was the horrible, but like Nate said, and you kind of poo-pooed it, he's wearing pants and socks. This is just bare fucking.

But here's the thing is that we're going to get way more of that shit as everybody in the world has a video and everything's on TV back in the day. You didn't, that thysman thing was like the only time you ever saw something like that. No I never seen it and I don't want to see it. It's one of those names. I don't want to I don't I don't I don't because you can't unsee that. I can't unsee John Jones. I don't want to see it. John Jones's toe is fucking been in my head since I and I can't get it out of my head and it fucks with my toe. As I'm doing stuff I'm like, I'll like I'm gonna break my fucking toe. Well, look at you, you don't have the pressure

that John Jones has. Cause it was, he might have more. Yeah, I think you're arguing the wrong way there. That was mean. My dad, it happened, my dad, a couple of years ago, did Joe Thysman break. He was golfing, golfing. Now, he was getting his clubs out.

This old man was driving a golf cart behind him and hit the gas instead of the brakes. Smash my dad's leg. Everybody went to go help the old man because they're like, is he okay? My dad's leg is just blood. I mean, it was the Joe Thysby brake. Did he sue the guy?

Did he get money? He did magic and put it back together. What? Yeah, Nate's dad's a sorcerer. What? No, no, he sued the They got money with from the golf course. So he made a lot of money. Hopefully I mean not you know I'm gonna quit comedy soon Thank God

I say we all fucking get hurt and give the money to Nate the Louisville quit the Louisville break was so bad that The bench that was sitting in front of it where the break happened and give them money to Nate. The Louisville break was so bad that the bench that was sitting in front of it, where the break happened, everyone threw up, like three guys threw up and then the other team was crying because they said, I like when people like, I remember I was at a Papa Geno's in Boston

when I was real young, me and this kid Chris Bracha, my best buddy. You know that reference Nate? Yeah. What's that? The crit, yeah, the, I know that reference date. Yeah, what's that? I know all your references step dead we Best bud. Well, I'm explaining who it is. I didn't just say who it was my best friend. Don't help him out Don't help him. He's an asshole. He raised talks over people. I'm kidding. You're doing a great job

What I speak now, yeah, go ahead. Okay. Thank you. I'm not doing it this episode. Now you find it. I'm kidding. Yeah, we went, we did, we had this mowing along company we did. We did like two people. The last person we just got tired and left it to this day. I've never been back to that pool at his house. I just remember I went back like three weeks later and the grass was too high for a pushmower and I couldn't do it. I just remember I went back like three weeks later and the grass was too high for a pushmower, and I couldn't do it. I just was crying in this field of fucking grass by myself, and my uncle fucking yelled at me.

You should have fucking done it, and she was mad, and I had to give her a money back. Long story short, that you guys, I wish you guys talked over. You should go, but it's real mothalong now. Anyways, why don't we talk about that? Anyway, sorry, I was, I was that Papa Gino's, thank you, Joe.

I was that Papa Gino's, me and him took a little of our money to get pizza. And I remember this, this retarded kid came in with this mom. And I remember, I didn't know what retarded was. I was, I had to be eight or nine. Eight or nine. Eight or nine. or nine and I just

saw this kid this other kid a little younger than me and he started eating pizza and it was so fucking gross because he was like and it was coming out and he was spitting it up and it was dripping out of his mouth and me like me and Chris just started puking because this little retarded kid was eating and I always felt bad. Now I now realize why we tell that story. Well it took 20 minutes to get to the puking then I was like oh because we talked about the Louis puking. I didn't know where we were going with. I should edit that right out. Yeah. Just get right to the puking. I like that the retarded kid's like I want to go get pizza and this guy was there and he made me Sounds like Lewis

This Lewis is kid Wow, that was a real stinger, but you know you guys there's a hit evasion at the end of that I'm doing this got a little hit evasion Really you think maybe here's a lot. He could be anything. He could be. We don't know. We don't know where he's from. It's just an animal that came out of the woods. Comparte a no.

He's a chef. You know, the godfather of his kid, but Lewis only has like three relatives of a lot. Like I'm really close to like, like it might happen. You know, when you make someone a godparent, you usually like, obviously, it would never happen. Yeah, my, there's good chance of this happen. so you might have take care of Lewis's kid. I'm expecting to take care of

He's already briefed his wife. He's like listen when we get James which we will I'm thinking we'll find a new room for him. Well that that is First of all did did he go through that you have to be Catholic to have a Godfather? You have to go through the church, right? You can't just they they just to he didn't I think people just make it like you know So you're my you that's it you're the guy I'm the guy Allegedly, I mean religiously there's a process you have to go through they have to go to the chrysaning and they have to be At the communion and it's all off the grid So off the grid is off the grid well, that's a hard thing to pick though,

because I'm a person to pick it. I'm thinking the same thing. It's like, no one knows easy. No one. No one. Besides being a trist and Lewis. I want to have a godfather. I want to pick one of my friends, but I don't know.

This is where I was, yeah. No because none of you guys, nobody I know is. I have a kid. Nobody, you know is a man a kid nobody you know you renowned Satan There's nobody And to all of his workings. There's nobody Do you renounce the work? There's nobody Catholic none of my friends. I don't want no not you

I don't want you my baby to be in a fucking studio and East these village going open mics yeah you know ramen noodles I'm gonna book it as quick first never be a godparent for by begging if a really nice email she'd use my kid to get more stage time so I'm just baby I'll bring four people to the chrysanthemum. So you should have a bucket and pull names up. Because if you do, if something happens to me, or if something happens to me and my wife,

that kid is gonna go to that God parent. But I wouldn't it go to the parents. It goes to the parents first. I mean, legally, right? It doesn't. And then the family, and if there's nobody else, the God's. That's why I know, that's what I'm saying. And then, and then the family. And if there's nobody else, the God, that's why I know that's what I'm saying with Lewis. I am right there. I mean, it is, I mean, it's like I'm, you know, I said, just standing I'm on deck. I said, no,

to be I said, I said, no, to be at least you'll learn English. I said no to being a God parent to Eric Rivera. Well, that's what father. That seems weird. Yeah. Well, we were friends, man, we were when he was coming up, I used to take him on the road all the, before you asked faces. Me and Eric hung out all the time. I used to take him with me all the time. And we were very tight and close. I mean, he's still I.

I still love Eric, but he moved to LA. And we stopped hanging out as much. But when he was having a kid, he's like, I want you to be the Godfather. I was like, I can't do that because I don't, I don't know if I want that. I don't want to, what if something God forbid? Because there is like a small,

I don't know how big his family is and God forbid something happens. And I'm stuck with this little tiny fucking apocalyptic baby. And I gotta explain why, why does it, why is he only four two? He's quite a mile in there. It's probably like 50 of them.

No? That's what I said too, but mine, go and hurt mine so. Oh, it's because you mile in the nose, probably like 50 of them. No? That's what I said to you, but mine, no one heard mine. So it's because you took it and then yeah, I'm sorry. So who's that phone here? I'm sorry. Who's that phone? It's so you know what then? No, no one heard mine.

You know what? It's literally like fucking you like my wife. Both of you assholes, this two conversation, shut your faces. Listen, Dan, this is what the, shut your faces. Listen, Dan. This is the problem right there. There's literally two people not listening to what the fuck's going on. They're just talking about themselves.

But it all comes down on the kid. Yeah, and it all comes down on you because, but this is what you do and now, it's like my wife. Because I can't just say something to you and then you get a silent score on me and then stick it back in my face Don's been teaching me

I'm gonna go in your house to get under your skin, you know angry I would get if you were actually talking to Don behind my back. I was gonna scumbag would do that. I talked to Laura quite a bit Whoa Good relationship. Who's Laura? Lara. He's saying it wrong. Is Nate's wife. Oh, really? I don't really doctor. Yeah Nate's wife hate you. No, she doesn't hate Joe. Why does she hate Joe? She doesn't he thought she did But why does she not like him totally? Why does she not why does she not like him as much as she likes other people that you know?

She is a big fan of Joe Yeah, she is that No, she was. No, she was. Joe was at the beginning. It was like was was a is was a big fan. Well, Joe used to be a little wilder. Well, then I had a drinking issue. This happened though.

The first time I came to the nation to watch the national champion, champion ship. I struggled with words. Was that Alabama, Texas? No, it was Alabama and uh was that Texas yeah Texas we're all right and uh maybe that what that might have been before that that's it's feeling it was not long ago anyways

I was like yeah don't get on you fucking yeah fucking shit dick woo these cuts except that we were watching the game yeah and then later on Nate was like ah shoot and then he was like oh, sorry Laura. I know you don't like that language Your wife doesn't like squares. No, I mean maybe not a Boston like guys screaming at a TV Like so maybe like how like what do you mean? He said shit and then put a quarter in a jar and ask for forgiveness Are you kidding me? I mean why've been saying, fuck like 75 times.

It's true. Maybe if I have a warning, it was crazy. Like, hey, just a warning, maybe don't, uh... He didn't even say, look, my wife doesn't like to keep it down. Don't be, you're a kid. She doesn't like, I'm a gentleman, I wouldn't. See, I wouldn't just see my wife. See, you set him up.

No, she's not a... You set him up. You set him up. It's, uh, it wasn't even, it was typical Joe just thinking everybody hates him. That was the, they ended up being like, Joe, just thought, it wasn't even, it was typical Joe just thinking everybody hates him. That was the, they ended up being like Joe just thought at the end of it, you thought everybody hated you there. Yeah. That sounds about right. That's a sound about it. It was never anything. Joe made it. So she doesn't hate you. No. She was just mad that he was swearing like a fucking banchard.

He was really mad about it. Joe, I said banchard. He's on this up in his head. I still have to be a danna for mine. Joe I said bad you down this up in his head. I still have to be a dinner for mine But she didn't Laura didn't like me because I cursed at first, too, right? No, I don't think so how did it? He did it in a way. I made you at a Patrice party gave with your wife. Yeah, how did she survive that? You know she just did it dude. She just mixed it up. That was a fucking she went by herself once with Jay Dude she just mixed it up. That was a fucking... She went by herself once. With Jay, like they went, but... Really? I was out of town.

I never got that impression from your wife. I've met her twice. She doesn't have that. Oh, so he's making it up. Yes, he makes stuff and we don't have that. The part where you swore and then apologized to her, that happened. That did happen, I was there.

You were like, ah shit, and you're like, sorry, honey. And I was like, oh, Jesus, that's not my fault. I don't you were like oh shit And you're like sorry honey, and I was like oh Jesus You just say I'm sorry like do you not swear in front of your wife? No, no not really. I don't try to do it I don't you know what why is that? It's not like a reason, but I don't you know, I don't swear on stage or anything you know swear in life No, I do in life, but like you, not on stage and not in front of your wife. I can control it. And if I control it in other places, then I do feel like I'll never slip up like on stage. You don't swear at all on stage. No, unless it's like sometimes if it's a late show, like if it's midnight, and I have to make my parking jokes seem edgy. Maybe I'm in a mood, and I'm thinking about Carson. I'll just go out there and I say shoot, or damn.

I look at H.E. double hockey sticks. I look at my cell phone, my flip phone, because I don't need all that other crazy app thing. You know what, that does, all those apps take you farther away from the Lord. That's all they're saying. I need to make a phone call in a case of emergency and let my wife know I'm on my way home safely So we're in the past does not even curb it in public. We've all been hanging out

So it's just like that fucking piece of shit As it goes we did that a hallbrook Yeah, that's three were hanging over the weekend like walk around the wall and so does like yeah That fucking faggot Like a Jillian's pool hall so to get mad. I like when so to get mad. It's it's a total I mean he is turns into the Hulk I remember when we were doing a show and this it was playoffs NFL playoffs San Fran was in the playoffs and I took him to the mall and I didn't know I didn't give a fuck

I didn't care about San Francisco and I'm going to the mall and I didn't know I didn't give a fuck I didn't care about San Francisco and I have him going to Apple store in this store and he's Slowly getting fucking perturbed and you can see him and he's brow starts getting rink He's a little 11 between his eyes and then I'm like what the fuck he's like dude the game's on right now dude And he's really angry with me like fuck I really want to game game can we leave and as soon as I got him back to the room and I got him a little personal pizza little happy Dan was back but couldn't you just said at the beginning I did I want to watch the game I did I'm gonna just watch it that's why we went to Jersey early that's my defense I told Bobby I go listen the Niners kick off

against the Saints at 415 can we get to the hotel by then and Bobby's like Dad we're gonna go to the ice door we We're going to go to the apples door. Dad will be there soon. Then he's there. We met some nice fans, fans of Bobby's that were really nice. And then Bobby went through like every way to get a new, he got laid. What did you get to do? Hard drive. When I found out that it was annoying him, that's when he made it. That's what I decided to get a new hard drive and to find out how to partition one. So see, so he made it. That's when I decided to get a new hard drive and to find out how to partition one. So see, so he makes it sound like I just fucking lost my shit

but Bobby literally was dragging it out and then as we're leaving the mall he goes, you know what dude, I want to go to radio shack. And I'm like, it's gonna kick off. It's gonna kick off in 10 minutes. And then I was like, can we just go to the hotel and then we get to that time and say, look at you dad, you're all fine now. Yeah we just go to the hotel? Then we get to the time and say, look at you dead.

You're all fine now. Yeah, because it's the first time in nine years that my favorite team ever is in the playoffs. Nate gets his sports. And I still didn't make it two years in a row. Actually, they did, but they didn't win it. Can I have that little nap? Can I get a godfrey bug or coming out of my nose? Oh, I don't know what that means, but how's it going to kill?

Can you hand that? It's a very high energy. It's just going to walk aroundrey bugger coming out of my nose. Oh, I don't know what that means But sounds like Kelly can you hand that or you're very high energy? Just gonna walk around his face a lot of crowd work It's probably gonna come out on its own. Oh, yeah Hi, Jessica She didn't even want to come in here. Why oh she you made her Joe made it. Yeah listen to me. I invited her. No, Joe made her Just you sit in for one second. her just you sitting for one second, please Can you say for one second? I want what where do you work? Sit down

Jessica from from new wave. Yeah, new wave entertainment. Who is I'm a big fan of Brian Volquoise now Maureen Taren and my favorite in the world, Jack Vaughn. He is lovely. I worked for him over at Comedy Central too. He's the best. He's one of my greatest friends. I love that guy.

Would you be his godfather? I would actually be his godfather, and I would actually make him my godfather. Really? Jack Vaughn is one of my closest friends, one of, I adore him. Oh really, I mean, one of the truly nicest people in the business, but as a human being, I've been to Guatemala with him twice. I've trusted what my life.

I remember we were going to Guatemala the night before we were going and I read on a, a official United States website, it said, don't go. Like if you're American and you don't have to be there, don't do this. And there was a certain point of the ride where drive in and he goes, remember when I told you there's a certain point

where I need you to just be aware and if something happens just to hold on and trust me, I go, yeah, he goes, for the next 15 minutes, this road, we're on dead, highway and it goes just be aware. If you see a road block, we're not stopping. And I was like, okay, and then my asshole tightened up and just topped my Navy seals and shit. And then we took the dick, we fucking just, I'm like, why is it dead dog highway?

Just that fucking driving off dogs. But you totally trust him. He is one of the nicest guys on the planet. And I love Maureen too. She's great. She's awesome. I mean, it's no apostle, right Nate? Right.

But you're a puzzle. Hello. Yeah, you signed with the puzzle. He's with Bobby did it. He said he would always vouch for anybody. And he was well, he's with they signed for me. They sound well, you already went with signed. He's vouched for me.

They sound, well, you already went with somebody. It's a joke. Hey. Well, he's with Abby. Abby, who's an amazing, she's fucking, I mean, oh my God. I talked to her like day one and all of a sudden she had all this shit. I was like, holy shit, unbelievable. But it's good though.

I like that new wave and apostle, to new management companies just popped up on, they're on both coasts and they're unbelievable. Yeah, and they get unbelievable. How long have you been with the company? We started like July, but officially Jan one. And you, you're a manager too? I'm working with Maureen. You'll work with Maureen. So you're gonna be you're like a junior manager. I'm working on it. That's great. That's great. Who's your clients? I've got a few you know in my back pocket and Joe's one of our new faves. Yeah I love Joe. Shane Moss, Carmen Lynch, Samaril. Gary Gellman. Gary Gellman. Love Gary. He's I don't know any of the other people you told me about, but Gary and Joe are good. Yeah.

Whatever, Mike. We're just, we're, we're quick to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, Phil Hanley, Dan Soder. Hey you. Ooh, hey you. Hey guys, I'm serious of the, if you re-burn it, part of this. Yeah, I love our names though, you got new wave. We got a puzzle, here you go, new wave and a puzzle and then roll streaming right.

It's actually not real steam. Sounds like a tea. And you know what, it's a delicious tea that brings that. Sounds like a moana! Sounds like something you're putting in your mustache. Ha ha ha ha ha. It's real cream. We got it.

Well, some listeners are very young. Nate, did you get it? I don't know. What do you, what do you. What's the listening? So now that you have, what is your, what is your as a manager working, what is your, when you see a young talent,

I really wanna know this, what are you looking for and what is your job as a manager, what do you think your job is for a comic? Me, specifically, managers in general are meant to, in my opinion, guide a career and help get opportunities and pursue the most advantageous ones. So you have a plan for Joe. We're working on one, yeah.

So when you see Joe, you meet with him, you find out what he's like, and then you put a plan together to propel him or promote him and get him to a certain point. So you have, there's a thing that you guys are like, this one gonna do this, then this, then that, and then Joe should be there by now, hopefully, and then we're gonna do this.

Well, and it's all in tandem with Joe, obviously, he has opinions about his career, and I'm no Joe for ages from the Boston scene, and I love him, dude. Really, you're from Boston? I went to school in Boston and worked at the comedy studio. Oh no, shit. So the plan right now is to get him on new faces.

That's the last day. Oh boy, They're trying to get them a day job. So DeAngelo's. We're going on different projects. I know somebody on the one of the mass pike, you know, that first exit when you get up from 84, I can hook them up. Great. Yeah. How does that sound, Joe? It's of 84, I can hook them up. Great. Yeah. How does that sound, Joe? It's insensitive. I think Joe is one of the undiscovered talents over the last 20 years. That's how long he's been doing comedy. How long have you been doing comedy, Joe? Oh, long time.

It's not poorly customized with that sort of information. You know what sucks though? Now that I said new wave and you guys are, you have like a bunch of open-micres trying to contact you Oh, we do anyway. It's fine. Really? Yeah, how do you say how do you say no to somebody? No? I'm still learning how You know the email it's that's what I'm fine again. I'm pretty new to this, but I think that a lot of it Kelly Don't tell her what they do to you. I want to hear what she does are see that it's saying I would like this I

Resort it dude. It's your email in a game. She literally was answering what she went no you ignore the email because I've sent it twice You say little Italy. I ignore a little email. I got I mean well again I I sort of I know a lot of comedians and I know what sort of their struggles and whatever I think a lot of time the industry I know sort of their struggles and whatever. I think a lot of time the industry will just sort of stay silent so that if there's something they do want to buy it on, then they are like, well, we just didn't answer. We didn't say no.

We're still, we're interested now. I can't you that. That's kind of, I agree. That's kind of CA. Yeah. It's a horrible business. Yeah. It is.

I hope I'm a less horrible part of it. I love you. I love you. I'm in part of it. I love you. She's adorable. I mean, not with her. I think right now in the business, there's a lot of, when I was coming up, I think there was a lot of shitty, how do I say, more shittier managers out there that deceiving people than there is now, I think.

Well, it's unregulated. I mean, that's sort of the worst. It's the wild west. Yeah, anyone think. Well, it's unregulated. I mean, that's sort of the worst. It's the wildest. Yeah, anyone can be like, I'm gonna do now. So, which I was always sort of like backing away from it because Joe was bothering me for years and years to be his manager. What, were you really?

Oh, yeah. Well, I love Jess, she knows comedy, we know each other. I think you think I'm funny. Very much. Yeah, great, great to work with Jessica. That's, so, I mean, yeah, but now I think that with Apostle, I know Abby, Serpico Celetti, bought all those guys over there,

and then, you know, I know Maureen and New Wave and Vaughn, I know those guys really do give a shit about, not only just managing somebody, but they have the creative production side behind them. Which is, I think you need now. You can't just get a manager that just, hey, I have connections. You know, Apostle produces shit.

Right. New wave producers, they make things. Yeah, I mean, we produce even not for our clients. Like we have produced 50 plus comedy specials. Yeah, I mean, you're not Apostle, but you do. Do. You are.

Better. You guys have a green screen No, so that is I think an important you I mean you are bros what's his name? It's actually the company's bros bros team they still they're after Bonnie bros team bros team in J.A Yeah, what's that? It's not bros team in great. What is it? Bros team and they have production company behind them no So anyways the new wave they just have a really great client list. Yeah, I'm gonna wear all the good connections See if that works. Okay, no, I'm kidding. You want to put this down? I'm not I'm Quinn in here. You're calling Quinn in it

Yeah, you mean calling fucking 18 managers I asked him calling I've been with all them Quinn He told me somebody he was with when I open for me was like you were you got mage by that guy He's like that's been with all them Quinn. He told me somebody he was with when I open form and I was like, you got measured by that guy and he's like, I've been with everybody. I've had like four. I've had managers. I've had I had new event attainment, not no, no, if I'm new New York entertainment, but I didn't have Barry Katz or Maureen. I actually went with Frosty when I was gonna be his first client. That's no man? No, well, that's his excellent nickname.

But Matt Frost, when he was with them, he was, I was gonna be his first client, but Maureen would always kick in and help out and if something happened or I got some, I booked a movie and a TV show and they always had their input, not Barry, because I didn't wanna work with him. Even back then, he said,

I'm not gonna be working with you. It's gonna be Matt and I go, that's what I want. I want nothing to do with you. And then, I look, I love Barry, but I have nothing against Barry. He's been in my life for years. I know Barry, he's done nothing to me,

so I can't hate the guy. But then I went with, then I went with, shit, the Steinbergs. I was in the lyrics. For a little bit, for a very small bit. And then I, I was the first one to fire them. Really? And then Burr, and then Boo, and then Boo. And that came on board once you guys left.

Yeah. That was a funny part. As soon as I mean, and and Patrice and all these guys, all these young guys were like, just came in and went with them. I like Jason now. They had the best, I think they had the best standup lineup at one point. They had Patrice O'Neill, Bill Burr, me,

Darnell Rollins, Ben Bailey was with him, Rich Falls. Taught, who's the big J? Big J. But Todd, I reproctor, Todd Lynn. Collins with him rich fall taught uh... who's the big day big day but uh... Todd i reproctor Todd Todd Lynn Todd Lynn are they in a fucking kill that's a there was a year when the Steinbergs had a fucking killer lineup what you say you can't wish we can actually still hear you

boulders were there is no way you can never whisper into a microphone. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's a kiss. I hate black people. I hate black people. I hate black people. I don't like being.

I don't like being. I hate a lesbian. I hate to come to my heart. I like puppies. I like puppies. I was just kept saying stuff. I was just going to agree with one. I like puppies.

I do. Yeah, they had a killer lineup. They had a fucking just a, just a death row records lineup and it was gone in a year. I'm going on a fucking, Bill, imagine fucking Billy Burr in Patrice on the same fucking whole, then they had Todd Lynn who had DLF to deal. Yeah. Down that was on the Chappelle show. I just got on tourgasm. I just got off tourgasm on HBO. Big J was killing it. He booked it was fucking nuts.

I mean, that's what we don't want to Brazil. We're all kinda fucking in the same. It was like this family, which I love. You guys were like the Hening family. Well, here's the thing that comics don't do. We don't't go on fucking that was a great reference. It was a great reference I'm standing behind that okay. Go ahead. You want a badge? I'll find every else out. I'm gonna start with Kelly Kelly do me a favor get me a sash for Dan every time he gets a good one. We're gonna give you a little badge

It's gonna be baby. Maybe blue. Here's a deal We don't we don't do that enough which bugs me. We don't go on's a deal. We don't do that enough, which bugs me. We don't go on vacations together. We don't hang out together. We don't hang out. What's the other kid that'll probably start happening again? You don't vacation me. That's all I can hang out.

I'd go on vacation with you, not your wife, because she'd fucking be mad at me the whole time. He said fuck 19 times in front of the baby. No, she would, you know. I would go on vacate, but we, we, I mean, we went to we were i mean we're to brazil of look we want to a third of the i'm gonna stop i know we want to a third world

country for fucking vagina to pay for prostitutes but other than that that's how we had a lot we had a lot of what listen we had a lot of good times it wasn't all prostitutes it was mostly prostitutes but they all have shave pussy's? No, not all of them. Not in Brazil. Brazilian women, what they do is they let their leg hair grow and they die at blonde.

I know, I know, Jen, that face. I'm in the same face, but there's something sexy about it. Once you understand the culture and you're like, oh, it's just hair, I don't like hair and all that shit too. But down there, they're on the beach. They blot they blunt they died there they bleach the hair right on the beach and it's this beautiful soft Blonde hair on their legs. I know but how long were you down there for a month two weeks Are going I get it now about a shot I would have to move there, but I said it in Portuguese And he changed yeah, I was there.

He could speak Portuguese. I did, I was there for two weeks, I went twice for two weeks, and then I had a stop going. It was just like, the last time we got pulled over, there was a roadblock, and we got stopped, and I tried to assimilate and turn into a Brazilian, but I turned Mexican, and I just came up on, see, see, see, and then, the guy said guns on us,

it was a fucking nightmare. But it was a beautiful country. But we all went, we always just to hang out together. You guys, I don't see you guys doing that. You guys are like, now they're good as festivals. You guys don't, yeah, but you guys don't, you have a fuck comedy.

Do you ever just go away together for like a week to somewhere and hang out and just be originally funny what you were like. I could hang out with Patrice, we hung out for two weeks, no comedy shows, nothing at night, and we hung out all day and just made each other laugh, like the original reason why we got into this fucking business because of who we are.

I mean, Norton, me, Keith, we're trying to make it. Yeah, but first of all, that's the thing is, you can still make it and go. We do all the hanging out, but I think you don't realize how long we've been here. I've been doing it 10 years now. He said like, 10 years, so we have done that for a long time being in New York.

Joe just started. But I was in New York for a year. Joe's been doing it as long as me. Every night, when you hang out in New York, Joe just started, but I was in New York for a year. Joe's been doing it as long as me. Right, every night, when you hang out in New York, you know what it is, it's multiple, it's like dog years, because you don't see your regular friends at home, you don't see every single day. And we would see each other every single night

for basically eight years. So it just ends up being like a lot, but now it's like you're going past it, you don't hang out like that. Well, no, here's the thing is that we did hang out every single night together, me, betrise, Vos, all those guys, but then it, but now we're headliners, so you're not gonna be together

every night. Damn, when you start, you'll start a headline now, Joe, you're gonna start headlining and what's the three year plan, right? What's the plan? I've had a lot of your shows. She's headlines. Like my first weekend in 2009. So he's gonna

headline consistently and a few years. My last headlining was 2011, but whatever. You guys are not gonna be around each other. You said that. You headline. You do. I'll be headline. It's a common comedy club. May 31st. here's your second, but you guys are gonna be around each other There's gonna be a time where you're a little group of guys that meet up at the club every night or at hang out everyone It's gonna be gone. It already happened. Yeah, we used to meet up at Barcelona bar all the time Almost every night right and you know him move LA and then Jonah got sober. I don't like this thing with Barcelona bar Yeah, this thing before That's up generation happen this happens with every generation and everything but you've done this before where it's like this Yeah, we used to always bus balls. We hung out. We went on vacation. No, what you guys the scoop doesn't do that

That's all we do. We're doing that right now You gonna be what if it was a time last time you want to vacation together with all your friends We went to a board to go on the ocean Tennessee you went on vacation together with all your friends? I don't know. I don't know. I can't afford to go on vacation. Yeah, who would you tend to see? You went to Boston with comics and hung out. I want to thanksgiving with hang on. Hang on. No, no, no, no.

I can't afford to go on vacation. I didn't start in the nineties where you made $800,000 a year middling. Are you done? Are you done? Are you done? Doing comedy? Hopefully. Get to that point. Hey. What are you? Are you done doing comedy hopefully

What are you she's getting you a commercial fucking agent as she speaks? I have a commercial agent. Yeah, of course you do I'm fucking you know, yeah, he's like two for two with commercials auditions. He's gonna do a strong commercial You said with that dumb act out thanks Is that what you call it act out? Is that what you're acting? Did you tell us it's an act out? You guys, you guys don't, when did you go, when did you go on vacation together? A legitimate fucking knock two days at somebody's house.

I'm talking no comedy, no shows, no nothing, no show business at all. Not a fucking festival. I'm talking from one Saturday, or one Friday to the next Friday, just hanging out, going to dinner and relaxing. I've never done that. I've never done that in my life.

We're with anybody. That's what I'm saying. I can't afford to do it though. It's not, there's nothing to afford. It is. I can't afford to take the time off, and I can't work out. Well, work harder as a comic and make more money

Unfortunately, I started fucking get it together so the fucking kick and live life I love to take a vacation. I tried to set up a big lunch Sunday afternoon, but all the comics bail on me really Yeah, why do you get so defensive you could bail? He said it like I didn't bail at all. Yeah, you did he told me you bailed. He did bail You bailed. Perfectly. Oh, he found out. Can I tell you what happened?

What's phone time? I'm gonna show you the new segment. Can I tell you what happened? I'm gonna show you the proof. Bobby, can I tell you this liar? Can I tell you what happened? Yes. A few other guys bailed.

Soda didn't bail. And then I go, you know what? I go, yeah, fucking everyone bailed. And then I took three minutes later, I go like this. You know what, we're still gonna do it and he goes, now I'm out. No, there's what happened. So This is April 28th. Don't read the song. No personal Why is that not good man? Don't think lunch is gonna happen everyone's daily

That's what texted me stop one second Dan. Please Joe, what does your thing about not reading a text? I would never read like if you said don't tell anybody this or You know my mom has cancer. I wouldn't read that but if it's just a regular conversation who cares he's gonna he's gonna repeat it why what's the difference between reading it and then remember from memory what's the difference he's doesn't like to fact that I'm gonna prove wrong well I might know it's like the act out I don't first of all if I if I may have the floor first of all you know I'm fucking

kidding second of all you bailed i may have the floor first of all you know i'm fucking kidding second of all you bailed three minutes after you didn't actually bail and third of all i i send a private text message i don't want to read to thirty thousand fucking people but he's gonna he's going he's not gonna if you read it or remembers it it's the same exact fucking thing and one is actual proof we did it

alright so he texted me don't think lunch is gonna happen everyone's bailing I write back what? Assholes so I shouldn't head into the city. I have my backpack on I'm ready to head into the city because you're gay Well also cuz I need to carry things Bobby like books help me Books does fuck what do you treat what do you immigrant stop drinking book? Rolling stones book comic books does a rolling stones book. Yeah, there's a book about the Rolling Stones I want to leave that at your house and you're bed and do it at night He said I'm walking around reading my bed with a light like an old lady

I'm watching porn and jerking Yes, yes, yes, can you stay? I should probably go back to the office Can you stay or I should probably go back to the office Okay, did you go get me some work for Guys, I'm sorry. I can totally I'm sitting there going on got a mate or stay here Okay, did you have a thank you for helping Joe I it is my place. Will you please make him more famous than Dan? Okay, can you please? Listen

Listen stop that don't do that. Okay, not here. All right listen They go vacation together quite a bit. I don't want that. Not here. All right, listen. They go on vacation together quite a bit. I don't want them more successful than Dan. I just want them up there with Dan. That's all. I mean, the fact that you're even saying this is, how does that anger feel?

I don't concern myself with anyone else's career. It's not about versus. It's about getting him on the path that he wants. There's no versus. I'm trying to go on vacation with the guy. Yeah, exactly. He's great. But there is a whole whole generation thing you guys don't do it like we did we went on vacations we busted balls we hung out we all love each other we hang out we spent time I never I never said that you said the balls thing I said I never said busting balls that was it's on an

episode I forget what they get the episode then but don't read it don't play it out loud because that's personal it's a good thing but yeah that's not a voice bill thank you for episode thank you for letting me know I have a good one again again I take laughter episode but there is a whole thing Nick does it too and yeah these guys they don't know of course we're gonna do look you're going on airplanes in the 90s when it was like $50 to fly Pass me a zip out Can't afford to go on vacation doesn't mean you guys were good friends First of all, I'm not I'm one of you guys you guys and my friends. I'm saying that you're not you're not my friend

You're don Gavin's kid I don't get it Is that your stepdad or One of them I Sniper's back I would like to go on vacation together Do something together Let's go on vacation

I love do What do you want to go? For more Let's go on vacation. I love to. What do you want to go? Mm, for more. South America. Now let's go somewhere hot. We're going to the beach in that. Like, hamster. Yeah. You guys should come to LA.

I could get you some show. First of all, hang on guys, let me just, guys, real quick. Let me just put a stop to this. Not you. Ah, no, Kelly. Of course you can. I'm entirely. Here's the thing.

If you come with us on vacation, say I rented a cottage. Upstate, near on a lake. And we're, I invite all you assholes up there for four days. Just like the Patriots playoffs. Okay, no, I'm serious about this. If I get this and we all go, you bring your kids, you can come up, bring your girls, there's a lake, a canoe, Kelly, if you go up, everybody has to bring a girl

because if it's just single dudes and you, I'll bring a guy. Yeah, you got to bring some because people are gonna try to molest you I know well Kelly and Dana both single the last thing I want to hear No, that's you know some Filipino lady We have to sit by me for four day. What I'm up here four day with him. Well, this is my girlfriend What I'm up here for a day with him. Well, this is my girlfriend I'm not gonna like like so does doors and we're like look Kelly saying you raped her last night Let's just talk about it get it out there figure out if it went of rye. I don't know. Sorry So what are we doing it? Let's do it. I want to get a date. I really do this. I'm paying for the kitchen Hang on man chill out. I didn't say I'm paying for it. I want to get a date. I really do this. I'm paying for a vacation. Hang on man chill out

I didn't say I'm paying for the podcast should pay for it It's that's a long on man. I'm saying that I get the place, but I'm not gonna supply Fucking food three meals a day. I mean we all you guys bring your own mountain I'll save I want three meals a day. Well you what is this fucking camp? Yes camp we should do a camp WD summer camp oh my god guarantee Dan would cancel cuz of some guy code VH1 thing Oh my god, if we got a camp dude, I do that. I got to get fucking $400 I gotta get fucking four hundred dollars. Yeah, I'm just saying look guys You should take a little time out to maybe go away together and not do and not do the fucking business And remember why you're funny. I mean you funny from hanging out with your friends before

Bustin ball hanging out joking and having fun You know what the show we do yeah Cracking up last night we had a guy I almost threw'll I'll we'll screw up all the life and so on Really good make it fun of Becky own What are you saying? All his doors first off bedroom. I didn't tell my roommate that he's crashing on my couch And I've veck you own and my other roommate. We were talking about waking up my roommates girlfriend who lives with us to wake him up and be like hey Nate sleeping on the couch and then Nate pops from around my back

It's like hey, hey thanks for the book and then we knock on Vicki on store. He's got the 20 locks like Because if you know Vicki on it's fucking perfect. Yeah, he's in there He's in the door with her and going somebody. No, he gets his door with a gun and then he goes oh, sorry I thought you guys were bed bugs That he owns leather coat the other night. It's the best it is it's like he really wanted that coat But they only had triple X left so he's like yeah, fuck it. It looks like he's got guns under his it's it's ridiculous Cop thing. Yeah, it doesn't fit any borrowed so much jacket. It goes like I got this audition.

I need a jack. Come on, it's a cop. I'm a big leather jacket at Amy's party. He looks like he's wearing a couch. He was standing up. He was standing in the corner. Like, you know, everyone's on the dance floor. He just look up and vecky on his, got his drink.

And he's just like, look at it over that long leather jacket, that leather duster. He's like, he's already barrel-chested. Like one of those villains from the 40s, but that coat was just stupid. No, it's great. Stupid. I think it's nice.

I don't even know if it's a leather. It is. I got gifts for you guys. What? Jess, do you get a go? I do, I'm sorry. It's all right, I'm gonna give you an out right now. Thanks for coming by.

It was a pleasure. Thanks for, thanks for taking care of Joe, my pal. I love all you guys. You're all very funny. All right, well good. I'm glad you had a good time. Thanks for- I'm glad the manager is that.

We're all the best. Jesus. That's going to be Jess in a pitch meeting with NBC. Joe Rude's story. It's really good. I mean, it's as good as everybody else. Joe would be great for his part. But there's a total of other people

that would be great too. Not even just with this management company, Apostle's good. You got to really look at everybody, because there's so much talent. Brostin has some great talent. Have you ever looked at Brostin's roster? Have you looked at Dan Soda?

I mean, he's tall as Joe. His eyes are a little nicer, because there's no glasses covering them. Whoa. I'm gonna bring him in. Can't this case for Joe? You know what, guys, let's just get out of here. She's like, you should really check out covering them. Whoa. I'm gonna bring him in. Can't this case for just a minute? You know what guys, let's just get out of here. She's like, you should really check out Kelly for Stuka.

I'm just kidding. Ooh. Hahaha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh boy. All right, well thanks, Jess. Thank you. Thank you.

Tell Mori and I said hi, all right? I shall. Have fun guys. Bye, Jess. Bye, Jess. Go 49ers. No, I nurse. No, I nurse. All right, hey, what's up?

Fuckers. Make sure you go to my website, Robertkellilive.com, and check out all my dates, my tour dates, at Robertkellilive.com. It's fucking fantastic, little website for you. You can find out that I'm gonna be at the Gov. There's brokerage comedy club Belmo, New York May 10th May 11th

comics Fox Woods 27th 28th 29th you know what dude podcast show Lewis Gomez Kelly for stuka Myself will be there all weekend We're doing a bunch of shows at the Foxwoods, the 27, 28, 29. And then we're doing a nasty show on Saturday. So come down, spread the word Connecticut, Boston, Rhode Island. And we're going to be doing a maybe a podcast at some point, either after one of the shows or before.

We'll let you know as the date gets closer and i'm going to just for laughs for a long fucking time a long fucking time holy shit fucking time the sixteenth of july to the twenty eight i don't even know that's legal so there you go go to my comedy fucking websites for more information bio photos, whatever you want. Facebook, Twitter, make sure you spread the word about the show. Come see us live, support us live.

It's always great when you are the YKW defense. Come up after the show and let us know that you are there. You'll have to do that at the show. I'll know that you, or a fucking retarded person. So there you go, and go get my app on iTunes, Robert Kelly Live app, has the podcast on it, all my dates, right in the palm of your hand, and it's award winning. So check it out, Android is coming soon, my developer, I think he doesn't talk to me anymore,

so I don't know what the fuck's going on So who will the fuck you gonna do? But get the app if you have an iPhone and get the rye cast app if you have an iPhone get it all It's all free free free free free free free free fuck. It's free. God So there you go Dan take over Dan, take over. Weather. Weather. Weather.

Weather. Just like the weather they from like radio. It's currently 17 past the hour. You're listening to the YKWD podcast. Weather outside is 67 degrees with a barometer of, oh, and we're back. Sponsors. Sponsors.

Tweakedaudio.com. Go there. Buy headphones. I'm going to do it today because my headphones that I bought Oh, and we're back sponsors sponsors tweaked audio dot com go there buy headphones I'm gonna do it today because my headphones that I bought the airport broke go to tweaked audio dot com A bunch of different headphones affordable headphones She definitely pick it up also Amazon go to what three four? Money three for money money for three So no one ever goes this way All right, go ahead Joe

Hey, now I don't let you go Call me a dumb dumb now. I'm gonna fucking alpha male it tweak audio you can get wood headphones and There's there's a lot of stuff at tweak.io.com also go to the right cast.com backstab Watch out for the thing that's very expensive. Robert Kelly and click the Amazon button. Make sure you buy all your stuff on Amazon. You know this pitch is just not working. Go to twink.io.com. Go to twink.io.com.

Like us on Facebook. Check us out on MySpace. Yeah. No, MySpace. We're going to have MySpace. Now go to twink.io.com, 33% off. And go to Amazon.com, ridecast.com slash Robert Kelly. Go to our page and use the Amazon link right on the page. to out shut up everybody. Amazon.com on the link use Gamefly.com.com.com slash YKWD. It

is the Netflix of gaming. If you guys are video if you play video games, make sure come on get out I'm trying to do this and you're fucking up go in the other room though you keep doing stupid shit. And last week you fucked up my video too my tech talk video I can't use it because it dick shit fucking asshole you know this is how I get money for the show Joe and you're fucking it up you're not taking it yeah I make this is how we make so I can buy this shit I got flew in flew in I got flew in I got a dumb it down for the show makes people dumber I got flew in I flew in honey I got a dumb it down for the show. I got a room give me some words that don't make sense

Try flew in how lucky I like it sounds wrong You know how dirty they are filth I feel that all right, so we got some gifts from fans, which I'm very excited about. Kelly's just a severed head Some psycho that's in love with you cut off the head of that girl that you hate in Australia. Oh, yeah Yeah, from Big Brother. Oh shit. Let's talk about that again There's a strain. Listen is are starting to pick up. Oh boy. Do the other way. I've been watching Brad. Do the weather again now. Do time and weather now. Currently 21 after the hour. Okay. Okay.

There we go. I will back. I'm sorry about that. Listeners. I hope that didn't. Hope that didn't make you know angry enough to tweet that the show sucks. You're shocked. You're shocked. You leave all of that in? Yeah. Whoa. Well, here's a deal. I don't edit it.

Did I go like, hey guys, if you want to go to the bathroom or something, go ahead and edit it. No. Do you need to go? No, no, I'm saying the list is. No. Because they have a pause button. Yeah, a pause it.

So they're going to pause and then listen to that. You could just say. I love listening to a lot of background shit. I love it. Look, man. Look, here's a deal it is this show Here's what happens with this show we started out. I don't plan anything we go We wind up talking but the people I have on the show I

I Depend on you being fucking interesting enough to and funny enough and smart enough and we just go and sometimes we fall off the rails to and funny enough and smart enough and we just go and sometimes we fall off the rails like we just did because of Joe and Joe and Kelly's gonna get up and walk somebody out and all this horse shit that happens but you guys hung in there and you kept it going and we're back we're back on track we're back on track so Joe's coming back right now he's fucking knocking shit over over again, because he's being spiteful. And here we go.

So Heather Graves, who is a big supporter of the show. She's awesome. Unbelievable. I got a nice package in the mail. Nate, I'm sorry, you're not involved in this. But this is for Joe Dan Kelly and myself Some really cool hats There you go, it's a Boston strong hat

It has the bees logo and it says be strong. There you go red stock logo It's the bees logo the bees are the Bruins. Yeah, I fuck off. I knew that yeah, yeah, whatever That's very nice. Thank you very much, Heather really cool, right? Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, it's alright look I know No, no, it doesn't matter you can't give away a present on the air Give away a present on the air you're fucking stupid You're really on just a fucking ass kisser shit You're really on just a fucking ass kisser I got exactly what he wanted Oh my god perfect that was a perfect shot up

What yeah Someone giving away something on air one time I did like a local news thing in Syracuse to promote a show and this guy was there and he brought his wife on this woman made all these bags. And then she goes and the news guys just sit there with his wife and just goes, oh, here's a bag you would love when that and his wife goes, no I'm good, we have it, I have enough bags at home.

Like it just did it on there. It was like the most awkward, it was like just take it. And then afterwards, it'd be like just throw it away. Who players? First of all, yeah, Dan, we get it. Maybe you don't like the hat. I like the hat. I love that.

You don't like the hat. I love the hat for the hat. I wasn't saying I didn't love the hat. He fucking literally. I wasn't saying I didn't like the hat at all. This hat, this hat doesn't fit my head at all. I'm still gonna wear it because Heather gave it to me and out of pride for what it represents.

Be strong. I think he's four to the most in thing. Yeah, strong. I think he's four-thousand thing. Yeah, this thing he's glad it happened. This clock started as soon as he gets it. You know what? I'm gonna be the better guy and here's my hat. Fuck you. Yep.

If that was anything you liked, you would, you'd be like, I really appreciate that. If that was a, if this is fucking, I was just, if that was an iPhone fucking five, you'd be like, fuck. Why are you getting mine? Your first class jerk. Fuck everybody. Thank you Heather Hey, I'm gonna give this tonight. This is for you and I'll give it tonight. Oh Man, I want that so much anger. I love it. I'll trade you

This is actually Dan to you Here's it as personal note. Should I not read this? This is actually Dan to you. Here's a personal note. Should I not read this? Read it to Nate. So you don't, do you want this, Dan? Yeah. Or should I give this to the fucking children's hospital?

It's really sweet. There's lots of sick kids that probably could use a toy. She gave everything in the box. Who's that from someone else's? Give it to the cancer hospital. So do we'll get it soon. So I'm actually really freaking out. That's what are you sick? This is actually

and don't read it text. Levant Thomas. So there does have cancer. Guys, I've been freaking out about cancer in fucking. You'll get cancer for that. Levant Tom Levant Tom Tom and Tom my son. Oh, wow. I read that. Levant Tom, Levant Tom, Tom and Tom my son. Oh wow. I read that. Levant. I said this is great package of gifts for all of us. Okay, this is for Dan right there. Danny. Pass after the one. I want to. Levant Thomas. Oh, Levant Thomas. Yeah, right? It's not hard. Yeah, but a little weird Thomas. Yeah, Thomas. Levant Thomas,

I would go a little easier. Levant Thompson. Levant Thompson is nice. Levant Thomas is kind of one step too far. They're an asshole. I don't think they're good for a excuse me. Like every time she says the last thing, they go, excuse me. Levant was sweet because he messaged me for the address.

He said he had some stuff going. This is his stuff. That's nice. That's really sweet. Thanks said he had some stuff going. This is his stuff. Oh, that's nice. It's really sweet. Thanks for the long. Long Thomatham. He actually, this is for you. It's every chocolate.

Oh, that's so funny. Hey, there's all this chocolates for fat Kelly. Try to eat it on your left side. No. You can fill up that tickle in your bra. No. That's for me. So everyone got, that's got teenage written into total stuff. Well, he bought me the turtles because I have a joke. Yeah, exactly.

So that was very nice. And there's a bunch of other stuff in here that we can, there's some comic books. I don't know if you like comic books. Yeah. Joe, do you like comic books? I don't, but I like, but I love comic books, Bobby. I love them. I read them every day.

Do you really? Yeah. I have to. I have to listen. I have some comic books that we're gonna give you a day after the show I would take them I would loss I would take all of them I won't I'm not gonna give you all them, but I'll give you some of them. Oh, you know the fans are unbelievable I repersonal notes got read it because I'm not worried about it from Levantum But Levant had a really funny line where he's like here's a ninja turtles toy now How about you go get lost in the garage for an hour? I don't even Delivered it better than he sent us this great box

Let me tell you something. I really do appreciate that's a pretty to for somebody to go to the Put all the all the trouble to put this in type out these notes put them on the stuff send it to us I really appreciate it so Levant and Heather Thank you, Heather even yeah, well, I don't know if you think Heather now. I was trying. I mean, I think Heather, for... I wanna thank the Vaughn for the interdural. First of all, I get hammered down and then, I feel bad because you gave me a gift.

I was trying to be my sister. I get hammered too. You called me a fucking gorilla. But that was funny. That was funny. That was a big... It doesn't matter, sensitive, twat. You gave a hat away.

I'm on the air. I'm gonna give it away. As soon as you did, you did. Just take the fuck, could you just take the hit? I'll take the hit. And just shut up. All right. Does he have the wrong wearing my hat?

Fucking whining content. That's really well. This is the type of language my wife had not put up with. It's, you know, suffocation. I have vacation. Two days in, I'd be fucking calling him a whining gun, fly fishing. calling them a winding cut fly fishing. Yeah, I just want to let the fish go. I want to go camping so we can do team. You want my fish? Yeah, he would. Yeah, you can have my fish. I mean, I call it.

Yeah, I don't need a rainbow truck. Yeah. Um, are you gonna put it on your head? Trying to see if it can get big enough. Yeah, I can't It can we can slice the side That you sent me ahead science project. Yeah, it's very great because had they've never seen yeah, I think it's gonna fit I would like to put a vacation together with us I put it outside for it. I'll quit smoking and I'll get a fake a boy. It fits perfect Heather. So thank you very much It's not fit perfect at all. That's the point you're not supposed to say that the propeller must have fell off and shipping Yeah, listen man Dispel a

Heather I'm gonna say this to you the hat doesn't fit his head There's no way he looks like he a boy that just took growing pills Let me see is that the father's they can go really it does not fit good he had his too big no I think it fits good I like that that look good it was sitting up on it right looked nice you know yeah boom your it's perfect mine doesn't fit good yeah it looks terrific I can't I can't see out of my right eye when I have to show my head you just

went down an economic bracket though. It just kind of made it. Doesn't make sense? It did. It did, I did. I like it. Economic bracket. She should have said tax bracket would have been funnier.

But she's been the business two years. What are you going to do? All right, so listen. Put it on Dan. I think he's making his head bigger on purpose. Yeah, you're like OJ with the glove. He would fit. Yeah, just mush it on.

No, this is gross. I'm going to have to cut that. I realize your head was so big. That's normal. That's how you wear a hat. That's how you wear a hat. Yeah. I can actually feel my pulse when I wear this hat.

You look like the kid from the sand lot. The one that moves in. Yeah, I guess so. All right, here we go. Focus up. Kelly, put that thing down. We are focused. I don't know.

No, you're not. You're all over the fucking place with these stupid hats. Let's move on. Let's focus on the gift. Shut your fucking mouth. We're doing the segment that you started. Is this tech talk? What?

I really did. And then we were doing gift giving. We were making jokes about the gift giving. I thought we were doing gift giving, we were making jokes about the gift giving. I thought we were doing a great job. I'm going to eat some chocolate. But I want it. All right, listen. I want it.

So I give all the gifts out. Are you happy with everything? It's fantastic. Very nice of people to say. So sweet. If you guys want to send stuff to us or individuals, whatever, everybody, Nate didn't get anything, but what are you going to do? I don't have a joke. This you can. or individuals, whatever, everybody, Nate didn't get anything, but what are you gonna do? Um, six, six, seven, six, eight, ninth, uh, number four, two, four, New York, New York,

one, oh, three, six, is the address. Uh, please don't send any fucking deadly poisons. Um, and we did tweak daughter, we did all this shit, Foxwoods. Uh, yeah, we're having a YKWD show at Foxwoods, me Me, Lewis J. Gomez and Kelly Fistuka, the June 27th, 28th and 29th, we're gonna be doing a show, we might be doing a podcast during the day or after one of the shows, I haven't figured it out,

so you guys can come down to check it out. So make sure you spread the word, the June 27th, 28th and 29th, me, Lewis J. Gomez and Kelly Fistuka, will be a comics at Fox Woods Doing a YKWD show and then we're doing a nasty show Saturday night late show There'll be another comic added maybe two I'm gonna find out who who that's gonna be for the nasty show, but it's gonna be a blast

So make sure you check that shit out and pass the word and fucking do all that shit. So anyhow... We got on holidays. I would love to take you guys on holiday. If I ever rent the place I would invite you guys. I'm here going if you call it a holiday. Because you're racist against other countries. But you wouldn't be able to go anyways because I'm not gonna fly here to go on holiday. I think Joe would go. I'm learning so much about Joe. Joe Hikes, I didn't know that.

I'm a hiker too. I love hiking, I have hiking boots. So we're gonna hikes this week. There's no way. You should see the hiking sticks, I believe. Just because you have this stuff. I went hiking baseball glove as well. I will.

He has a crocodile knife, too, right? You know what bugs me about you, Kelly? You're excitement over good ones. It's like fucking me. Right, it's a good one, but then I know you have to flip the fuck out. I know you don't get them often. You have to live vicariously through

other people's good ones. I went hiking all last year. I go up my uncle has a place in Meredith, and that's all we do is I hike and fish. What's your uncle's name? Do I know what? But yeah, me and Don, that's all we did last year. Last year I went on one of the most,

it was a four mile hike. It was a tough one, but at the top, you, there's a pond, and I went fishing. I brought my fishing rod up, got to the top, there's a pond. And I went fishing. I brought my fishing rod up, got to the top, and there's a cabin. You can actually get some food where they cook like soups and breads and all this shit. You can, for like a couple bucks, sit down and have your lunch.

And then I went fishing, and then you walk around the whole pond, and then you go down. It was amazing. I love hiking. Like, you described a movie, you saw. I swear to God, I love hiking. Do you, where do I swear to God. I love hide you where do you hide? I've ever run through it. Where do you hide? This past we get at it's called Indian ladder trail upstairs

I would try to find something to do during the day on the road right oh, so you do it on the road when you're when you're Well, fuck you you're upstate. We're upstate is an Albany the county was what's the Nick Griffith? It's a Tremendous he does the polcano circuit Where the vault built now? Catskills I think it's waiting for yeah Sorry, that would have been fun. It would have been fun. It would have been pretty good Yeah, so you were up at you and Albany and then you found a hiking trail how far away was it? That's like a half hour

So you've got some great ones up there if you drive like two hours north It's like the most spectacular you know what is the best state new york is great but i love the hampshire to the new york is but the white mountains to me it i love that they have new york state has new york city of course and you got long at the hamptons and the finger lakes the atarandex and then the Niagara Falls okay well the wingland i think

not as not as massachusetts but i know but knowing that i was going to say that it's not it's not massachusetts and the hampshire you kind of have the same thing it's not as you have boss in which i love you have hampton beach and all that horse shit and you know and cape cod which is kind of like long island and then you have uh... the mountains the white mountains what's that when you're in my favorite area of the country what is that new England oh new England i use sand to fast

uh... the ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the white mountains. My whole life I've been going up there. I'm a little I'm a little it's a little weird that I to go up there and and hike. I'm afraid. Get a man to bring us up the white mountains. I do man. We could just drop you off in the white mountains. Nothing. I'd like you to get down. Bobby Lik is thumbed it. Yeah. I did. We're about three miles south east of champion lake. I'll take a video. I have video. I want you to get out of the white mount And I I'm gonna explain something to you Nate, but I was when I was in Juve Hall What they use I swear to God they used to take us as a group up into the white mountains to mount cannon Mount centipede which is halfway up and as these little fucking trips To kind of give us they called it normalization.

So we weren't just locked up all the time. And you used your back into the real world. Just to keep our brain, you know, not like we're real prisoners, they bring us to the top of the mountain. I mean, they brought us up to the top of Mount Cannon. They didn't think this through. They were like, okay, we're gonna walk down

and everybody kind of got paired up. But as soon as they were like, okay, go, we just fucking screwed. We started running down the mountain and we all got separated. We got lost in the actual mountain that I fished on the lake. The last time I was there when I was in Juveehaw when I was 13, me and this Puerto Rican kid walked down the mountain, came on this lake, Stola Canoe, tipped it over in the middle, we'll fucking laugh in our asses off, found a counselor, this girl crying. She was just crying on a rock halfway down this mountain, and we had to take her with us, and I was pretending to like grab dirt, and like an Indian smell shit, like I know where's going, and then we just kept walking and walking, and you finally come out on the highway 93 and This van was just picking little juvenile to link once up at like five to sun most setting and I was just grabbing people

Did this prison shut down because they kept losing they were like oh we keep losing prisoners They're like what do you all do? We take them out and we let them run Then we never bring any of them back because they're all gone. It was I Dude it was Because they're all gone. It was, I did, dude. It was, there was lockup that you didn't get out of, but there was a bunch of different types of jerry halls, like the catching release. Some of them, some of them, this one's called NFI Shelter Care, and they had a unlock policy.

There's no doors whenever locked, windows whenever locked, you can run, but they had this reward policy. The longer you go without a run. But they had this reward policy. The longer you go without a run, the more cool shit everybody gets. So kind of everybody kept everybody in check. So 30 days without a run, we had this big lobster party. Everybody gets lost. So they did this weird cycle, that worked.

So you know, everybody, the older kids that were there, I would say the tougher kids, would keep everybody else in check. Because they had to be there for a couple a year, and they were like, fuck you, I want lobster at the end of the month, motherfucker. They used to take us to the beach and let us go, because- These are the vacations you were talking about earlier.

Yeah, so you had a patrice in on vacations. It was some of the places. Some of the places were fucked up. I mean, some of the places were bad. Like you didn't go anywhere, and you got the shit kicked out of you, and it was. I mean, some of the places were bad. Like you didn't get the fuck, you didn't go anywhere. And you got the shit kicked out of you and it was, you know, they were scary. But most of the place I was at weren't that bad.

Like this place, NFI shelter care was the shit. It's still up there now. It's in the middle of the woods in Middleton. But they used to take us up. I remember I learned how to bebox, walking down a mountain with a black kid from Roxbury. Yeah. Mount Summett, I think it's, it's Summett, what's the mountain? walking down a mountain with a black kid from Roxbury. Mount summit, I think it's summit,

what's the mountain? There's a mountain halfway up. Oh, well apparently you were born in the white mountains. So I remember me and this kid, we all went up to the top of the mountain and we were coming back down, we got lost again. Me and this black kid were coming down and he was bee boxing and he taught me how to do it.

And I still know to this day. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing.

Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing.

Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Be boxing. Yeah, yeah, look at you. Oh, John was to set the end work Always thinking it so yes, I am a hiker I like fly fishing too. I can't wait to go fly fishing. I own a boat I have a little I have a fishing boat Not that fucking boat I don't cover all money as all this

oil painting of Bobby's great grandfather looks exactly like him with a monocle and mustache it's a it's a blow-up boat it's expensive though. It's like a 900 bucks. You guys want to go on a boat? Did I miss the pass out there? You're gonna start blowing it up a month in advance. Are you sure you weren't going holiday? I like that Joe looks like a fucking rancher in Wyoming with his hat. That's my point about Joe is that he is a country dude. He likes, I found out Joe likes yoga, which I didn't know. And he likes hiking.

I mean, we told the country. Have we told your commitment to yoga story? I don't think so. It was my commitment to my girl. I did yoga almost black after. I saw you on the girl. I did yoga, almost black out of the trunk. I saw you on the train. Yeah, yeah, that was quite a day. I got a fork.

I got a fork at the restaurant. It's like 6 p.m. I get on a crowd a week ago. Goes off the wagon and I'm back at dusk. Almost set it. You set it before. Okay. So I get off the train. That's not true.

You're not off the wagon. No, no, no. Oh, geez. That looks amazing. Hey, look great. Didn't you look at this fantastic. Look at me. It's probably,

Joe was this five years ago, four years ago. I was dating Becca. So it was like, oh, eight, oh nine, five years ago. I remember because I just passed my 15 year anniversary of doing comedy. Yeah. So I get on the train. It's packed.

It's shoulder to shoulder,. I just hear Joe go What did you you yell? We went to a game though. We went to the Big E's tournament me and Joe did and watch that's something we do Instead of vacations we were gonna watch basketball. Okay. We went to the garden spent the day watching basketball Just drink and even we didn't even do comedy. It's a fucking... You're making... You know what I'm standing when I'm saying? A day together and afternoon together is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about... I'm talking to you and again on this boat. Help me out a little bit. I'm talking about spending a whole week together.

Let's do it. Like no comedy. no comedy eight years. I'm trying to know, no, no, no, for three hours with no comedy. No comedy, no, no shows, no nothing. Just being human beings, being together. This is what's so beautiful. Why, why, why, why do you say? How about pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. being together. Like this is what's so beautiful. Why what comedy? Why do you say comedy? Bumpa. Bumpa.

Bumpa. Bumpa. Bumpa. Bumpa. Bumpa. Bumpa. Bumpa. Bumpa.

Bumpa. Bumpa. Bumpa. Bumpa. He's like Nell. He taught that to himself in the white mountains when he was around. That's how y'all talk in the white mountains. Bumpa.

Bumpa. Bumpa. Bumpa. Bumpa. He was around that's how y'all talking the white man The Bobby mixing it up being funny on the podcast I like that he said twice I didn't want to interrupt he just did it. This is what we're talking about Dan He just did it. This is what we're talking about. That's what we're talking about, Dan. That's what we're talking about. Hey, Dan.

Hey, Dan. Hey, Dan. Dan, do not get high pitched. Oh, God, I can't stop it. Once it's started, now I'm here for good. We better coaches. My balls and asshole and stick are one. They're all mush.

He's fiddling himself like a winner. I can't help but. It looks like a jeans is so fitted. I'm like, I'm gonna have that somebody stepped in. I, I, I, I, Bell is doing things to me. I can't, I can't help,

I can't help but look at his junk. Because it's swelling. It's, it's the boss of blood. Well, I've had it, it's got a thick piece. Oh, great.

He does have a nice old. Can we please start? No book. No more gifts for the podcast. Send in money so we can get a fucking Kelly's Oh He does have a nice old can we please start? No more gifts for the podcast send in money so we can get fucking Kelly's posture fixed Every time I look at a she's just hunched and rolled over I put my shoulders back when kids come out and you guys are yeah Well, you know what take the head on the tits because I you look weird because the other way is brutal Bobby I can't get to my backpack cuz I think I have scummy Aussies. Bobby, I leave this.

My backpack is completely beat for me. I keep leaving. I have to sleep in a box. Bobby, I live in a large truck tire. I can't. That's how she goes to bed. She shuts the box. I wrote my geeks, Bobby.

I found it in the dampy ab. And I just put it behind the bases. Is that how you live on second and I just put it behind the bases. Is that how you live on second and third? Yeah, they're pizza. They live in a box. I'm really at that earlier right now. Well, I'm really offended that you don't think I'm a country, that you don't think I'm a, I'm a, a nature guy.

First of all, you went to prison and they made you go to jail. Good bruises. It's not hacking by choice. There's not, I'm not now though. This is my, I love it. You made it out. Is anybody else doing good? You ever follow up with those guys?

No, a lot of them are dead. A lot of them are dead in a lot of them are, when you're in real jail. The percentage rate of juvenile delinquents, I don't know what it is now, but back when I was one out of 30 kids, we're gonna make it. The rest, we're gonna go to jail and die.

It's like a stand up. And you were the one that made it? I was one of them. Yeah, I don't know anybody who really made it out. It's not a Facebook page or something. No, I haven't got a ton. You know what, I'm sorry. One kid, this kid Mike, a friend of mine.

But he almost didn't. I met this kid the first time I went to jail I'm not gonna give his last name, but he was he was a tough kid then and then he left we both left We both got out released as they say we both came back in The same exact day, which was weird. I'm in a car and they they drive you to from court They take you to this it's called the intake. And that's where they decide what juvenile place you're going to, depending on what's available, what you did, how long have you been in.

And I remember I got in the car and he's in the car. And I'm like, Mike, but his head shaved, he's shredded, he really ripped. And he was in the same motherfucker. He was like Alex Cross. He didn't ever, he didn't ever appreciate it. Well he was no offense. I was like, come on, that's pretty crazy, right? It's crazy that we're together. You get him like, is that not crazy?

We got that number back in? Come on. You know the thing that's weird? Here's the thing though is that when you go back in, honestly, you're afraid for your life, especially as a kid, a 13, 14, you're like, fuck me, I you go back in honestly you you're you're afraid for your life especially as a kid a 13 14 you like fuck me I'm going back in I made it out last time you're shit in your pants because you don't know where you're going to wind up I don't know if it's going to be a bad place or a good place and it's

this I don't think there's anything scarier for me being a 13 or 14 year old knowing that you're going to prison and if it's you're gonna get beat up I saw a kid get a pencil in the eye seeing kids get basketball thrown at his face I've seen blanket parties. I saw a little fucked up shit. It's a blanket party That's when they put the blanket over your head and beat the shit out of you. It's not a big It's not a big party. No, it's not a party. I want to be involved. The name makes it sound comfortable Yeah, but you just described what comes to blanket parties this this kid wound up being he was a born-again Christian no offense and What does it make you party this this kid wound up being he was a born again Christian, okay?

no offense and He didn't like any like guys like like he thought I was beneath him like in God like here I am he didn't talk to me though. I got it was Mike He ignored me and he was looking straight ahead with his angry face and we went to we went to jail He ignored me and then we went to this other place and then we wound up, this is fucked up too, we wound up in the same rehab years later. What are the odds? Mike, what are the odds? It's really crazy that you, that I met him three times in three different situations and when I met him the third time, he was still a born again Christian but he wasn't so fucking psycho and he told me he. And when I met him the third time, you're still a born again, Christian, but he wasn't so fucking psycho. And he told me he

goes, when I saw you in that car, I was going to, I was going to fucking stab you. I was going to beat the fuck out of you. I hate when you got in the car and you all happy to see me, I wanted to beat the shit out of you. I was, he was like, I was this close to, and I was like, well, that's fucking good to know. Good to see you, bro. Yeah. I almost caught up. I almost. I almost like, well, that's fucking good to know. Good to see you, bro. Yeah, yeah. I almost caught up. I almost. I almost said. I almost, like, we're in the car and I was like, Mike, what's up?

I almost went that. I almost went, what the fuck's wrong with you? I'm so glad I held my tongue. He's going to prison. You're going to jail. He's the basis twitching. I did his friend that you have at the moment, though, like a real life moment where you would,

I think anybody would just be like, bye-bye. This son of a bitch! Are you kidding me? Ned Ryerson? And when we went to rehab we went to this it was a year-long program you commit for a year and we went on the same day again it was fucking crazy and he was a I remember weird as this may, it was the first time I prayed. You got to pray just to make it today.

He actually, he taught me how to pray. When I remember, because he was, I was never religious, I was a Catholic, and I never really, I went to church when I was young, and then I was a fucking, just a piece of shit. And I remember he actually taught me, I mean, he said to me, he he said to me, goes, uh, prayer is you talking to God and meditation is letting God talk to you. Um, and I'm, I remember

the first couple of times I, I prayed, it, it, it, I don't care. Look, I'm not a born again Christian. I'm not overly religious. I don't go to church every Sunday, but when your life is done and over and you've got no options and you get down on your knees and you pray and then something happens internally and things get better instantly. It's a weird, it's a overwhelming fucking feeling. It's a spiritual enlightenment.

And when that hits you in life, if that if you're blessed to ever have that happen, where you actually see clearer, for all of a sudden the clouds go away, that have been there for a long time, it's one of the most amazing things that's ever happened to me. And I remember where it was. It was in a hallway, with Mike,

and I was just terrible time of life and trying to get sober. And it was 15. And my life was fucking over at 15. And I remember, he just said, come here for a second. We went down and we started praying. And we started, you know.

And I was always scared of the ritualness of the prayer. Our father and hell of all that stuff. I was always scared of that because it's just ritual stuff. But if you listen to it, it's actually this really good shit. You know, the serenity prayer saved my life. It still does. I still say it every time I fly, every time I have a fear of flying, that developed from flying so much being a comic. I started thinking we're gonna crash, we're gonna crash. It's just the odds are with me that I'm gonna

I'm gonna go to and the the surrounding you prayer, you know You know grim at the surrounding except things that cannot change the colors your things that can change the things that can As the wisdom and the wisdom no difference helps mean I'm fine. I'm good. Everything's good It's funny because when you started telling that the light changed and it got like bright when you're like when you pray I was like, oh But I mean, I don't know why you got to throw your liberal views out on the podcast Well, we're just trying to escape that shit. Oh man, look nothing Smiling yeah, I brought up the guy that talked shit to us. Yeah, that guy's who said that but what happened?

That would be the opposite of living. No, I was joking. I was trying to get you on board Cuz you're sitting there. Whatever artistic. Get staring at it at the table. Listen to my friend talk about he was done He was done and we're I wasn't ready to make light very angry today. I need to find God. I wasn't ready to make light of it Yeah, I mean it's yeah, that guy's fucking idiot when he told you had a pray did he say we like see close your eyes He goes, not I can't close your eyes. Not here. I'm not a bunch of goddamn animals. No sense of God God I was talking about that guy. He was that he goes don't yeah, don't close your eyes. I'll try to second Yeah, I'm a bloated Where your brain would it be better when you go to pro when you're on in on the way there if it was a better just to like

Cuz you know did you know one place was great? Yep, so you know one's good. And you know, the other one's not good. So it's like, well, this is what happened. I'll explain. They bring you from court, all over the state of Massachusetts. They grab these kids from courts, and they bring them to, it's called intake. It's up in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere in Middleton. And from there, you sit there all day. And from there there towards the end of the day they figure out who's going to wear and there's a rule and the the first day

there the kid one of those kid grabbed me goes look if they handcuffed ask him where you're going if they handcuffed you first and then tell you it's bad if they tell you before they handcuffed you you're good it's gonna be a good race. Yeah. And what if the guy does like a half of one year ago? Oh, come on man, what does this mean? You're like, you're going to, oh! You got a quitted! You were near with the gorgeous, you shouldn't have been on that thing.

Oh man, yeah. Well, when I went in there, there was first of all, it's the first time I had to get naked in front of another man. You have to get strip search twice. And that's one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever done. I was 13, you had to get naked in front of another man, you have to get strip-search twice. And that's one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever done. I was 13, you had to do, take your,

when they say, when they say, I was shredded for a 13 year old, but when you take your, you're in your tidy whiteies and he goes, take your underwear off, you're like, I don't, you feel violated.

And then then he says, do jump and jacks, you're like, what the fuck? Look at a 13 year old. And then imagine I'm doing five jumping jacks in front of you and bending over? Look at a 13 year old. And then imagine I'm doing five jump-and-jacks in front of you and bending over. I was like, 13 years old,

do jump-and-jacks, and they can all talk. That's very exciting. What's that website? It's called Five Ever Locked. They enjoy it. I'll tell you that. It was really bad.

But when I went out there and I said, I go, I go, where am I going? And he just ignored me. I was like, fuck me. And I had chick-chick, put the shackles on, grabbed two bigger kids. I think I was 13. They had to be like 16, 17.

And shackled them to me. I was the middle one with a fucker, which sucked. Because if you don't have to walk in shackles. That guy stopped on purpose. And he's like, you know. Well, if you don't have to walk in shackles, and if you fuck them up, they get mad at you. Yeah, you, they knew what they would do.

I never, I never was shackled in my life. So I have handcuffs on shackles in the middle, and they, they're walking, and they know how to do it, and I kept fucking it up, and they, we're going to the same place. And I'm gonna live with these guys for a month. And if I, if I be in the cell together? No, it's not a cell.

It's like where this place was, the Charlestown Y. That's no longer there anymore. So there's a YMCA downstairs. You go upstairs. The top three, two levels is a juvenile detention center. So I was going to, you know, you don't want to fuck up the first day. And I remember I kept fucking up. I was so stressed out, I was focusing so hard on not hurting their ankles.

I was actually fucking up my ankles and it sucked. But the next time I went back to court, a week later, I found out that the intake place was attached to this other place called NFI shelter care Which was that place that has an open window open door policy and has like you know incentive Program and it's like the first of its kind. It's still there too. It's like this This holy shit juvenile. I actually went to the Congress and spoken from the Congress and the Senate in favor of this place to raise money for this place when i was nineteen so you went to the bad one first i went to the bad one first and how long we have the bad one for a week and it was

bad man you know about the good one then don't when i went back the kid told me about this place next door that was attached to it and i i actually saw this guy come in or counselor from the other place. And I went, hey, dude, bring me in there. I want to go there. And he's like, I don't know if they have, I go, come on, man, I begged him. I was like, just see if this, can you please just see if this room, I, I smoothed them.

I just fucking smoothed this guy. And he, they brought me in. And I remember I walked in and there was this big gay guy a chef this I feel his name And he was behind there and he's cooking these fucking little cakes and I was like oh it was like fantasy land Because I guess they had just hit a Incentive like 30 days or 20 days or something like that where they got cakes and I remember they took me downstairs and you had your own little cube And I remember they took me downstairs and you had your own little cube

You know, open those three rooms. They were called them dorms a B and C and in there was around maybe 10 to 15 kids a pop Maybe 20 and you had these little cubes with a bed and a dresser. You could smoke. I remember, well, back then you could smoke. I was, you know, a little thing in the middle, you could smoke all the stuff was, the pillows were fireproof. It was like a cement bag. How do you get cigarettes?

Just buy them. Like people would, people would buy them for you. Which, if you had to do it again, would you rather do the good place first than the bad place or the way you did it? I went, well, that was, I went there and then I went back, I went back three more times. I went to a bad place again. You want to just, the worst place I ever been to was in Rochester, New York, upstate.

Rochester, New York had the worst jewelry haul I was ever in. I, I, I, I, I mean, you were a number. I mean, you, and they, they had a solitary room. They would stick in and the guys just fuck and you were in there with some fucking criminals, I mean, it was the worst. The last place I was in was the worst. That's where I, the first time I ever got down on my knees, not to get corny again,

but you know, if corny, if actually praying to God to you as corny, whatever, but I, I go into hell as corny, then whatever. Yeah. You're real queer, you're going to hell. Look, I think I guess I'm corny, whatever. But I go into hell as corny, then whatever. Yeah. You're real queer. Why are you going to hell? Look, I think I guess I'm corny. That was the first place I, that's when I got sober up

and that I got, I was done. I got, I remember I got down on my knees and I was like, I'm done. I said it to God, I was like, I'm done. I know what it is. I tried to play, people play some things, it God, I was like, I'm done. I know what it is. I tried to play people play some things. It's I drink. I use drugs.

If I stop doing that, that's what I go, I'm done doing that. I'm done. And then, and that's the last time I ever drink. Could you get stuff in there? What's that? Like drinking and drugs was that? Oh, fuck you.

You could get it in there? You could get weed and shit. I'm not sure. The drugs did you do besides weed? Coke, mask, acid, tea, I did anything, volume, whatever you put in front of me, I took. My main goal every day, I would wake up and I would beg for money at school, not beg,

I would bully, actually, not really bully either. I was just weird, nice bully. I would, I would, this is what I would do. You would bamboozle me. I would bamboozle. On the day you get lunch tickets, I would go to the bathroom. You know, whatever from, you know, m-disee come down to get your lunch tickets. I go down, wait out in front and I just ask for one. Give me a lunch ticket. Give me a lunch ticket. Give me a lunch ticket. And they give me one. And then I take those lunch tickets

And I would go into the line and the people with the dollars because lunch was eighty five cents I would go here take the lunch ticket. You're only lending me fifteen cents So they give me the dollar and then I wait at the end of that line and take the fifteen cents from everybody So I make like three, four, six bucks a day, you know, a couple days, a few days a week, at the lunch line just... So much killing, mixing comedy now. Right.

And then I would take that money and I'd buy booze. The park I hung out with, it was Tufts Park in Medford. You didn't need, whatever you had, you were in. We'd have potion nights. So one of the older kids would just collect the money from everybody Well if you had ten dollars or thirty dollars we they took it. I mean you just bring five Well they pat you down. Oh, I do it. I got pat down from Mikey Catalano came here just a fucking shredded my catalog. Yeah, you know, yeah, I know a Mike Catalano

Yeah, yeah from Mike Catalan? I don't know that guy. You know him? I know a Mike Catalan though. Yeah. Yeah. From Medford? Not from Medford from Revere. No, well, I mean, they had these guys that were, I mean, from, they were from like a fucking guy-richy movie. Yeah. Oh, these guys were big, man. Big guys.

Big motherfucking shredded, just tough, and I remember they pat you down come here They take your money and then make you go buy them a sub but like Bob sub with your money for them They're like come here. You get any money now. I got anything pat you down find it in your shoe Now go get me a chicken cutlet You don't have to go get them. Yeah, too. I would like a chicken cutlet What's that? Why don't we all go to Cuba? What's that? It's a Mexican place in the country. Travel agency makes Chipotle look like a

Travel. I've got a card there of seven to long trays. I've got people that still go to travel agents. How crazy is that? I don't know. It's at the dumbest thing. Sometimes I'm lazy though. I come to ballad doing it all myself. No, that's insane. Wait, you serious? You go to travel agency? For what? For what? Yeah, but it's a bit long-haul flights, so different to like, you know. What's wrong, Dan?

It was just really funny that you were like telling the story about like going through jail and like this tough thing and it's like, what's the deal with travel agents? Well, I'll tell you what it is, is that people get uncomfortable with real talk. No, I enjoyed it. It's just interesting. Yeah. I thought it was funny. I was just like talk. No, I enjoyed it. Yeah. I thought it was funny.

It was just like I was like, I'm gonna wake up the audience. Yeah, though people in their cubicle right now wiping away a tear. No, no. I don't got it. I truly believe that people, uh, Jesus. Talk about, talk about, I'm funny. Not you. What's up?

The guy behind you. I told them about the new studio. There's a mic right there. If everyone who wants to know, no, no, no, the owner of everything. Joe, I just did it for you. The owner of everything just came out. The funny owner of everything. Not totally unfunny. Yeah, look good. You look thin. You've been thin since you came out. You're the funny one. the thin one what's um? Nate Dan and no more all dressed the same

Yeah, called white Just a half Just a white guy look I'll take it give it away So what's up? Why don't we moving it to the new studio? up? Why don't we move into the new studio, no? I don't know. I'm going to eight weeks. Eight weeks? Jesus Christ.

I can sooner or sooner, but first of all, there's a wrinkle in it now that you're going to be stressing everything so far. What's the wrinkle? What's the wrinkle? That's the wrinkle. Me stressing? You're not. I also need to stretch.

I've got to worry about a really tiring one. He's going to be a baby. He's going to be preoccup gonna be preoccupied I got you paint chips you can pick the colors and stuff that's not it dude I'm I just want to be able to fit in the studio. I don't want you laughing because I can't get in Yeah, I don't want some fucking terrorist in the middle taking a shirt off. I told you, that's, there's a door. Doesn't matter, I'm gonna hear him doing on his cell phone. Charlie's gonna get banged out. For real. They, they, they come in in the morning

and then leave till evening. Well, here's a deal. I just wanna be able to fit in the room. I want it to be able. And then I don't want to, I don't want, I just don't want the dude in there The dude one of the guys I don't want the kitchen dude coming in with a little I don't know how many times I can in different ways I can tell you this there's a door and they can't come in there

Okay, I'll look at it after I just gonna fit I just gotta wrap my brain around it and see it and then I'll be okay with it I'm very excited about it's actually bigger than this room. It's way bigger. We're not way bigger, but it's bigger It's way it's like three times the size of not of yours really. Yeah, well, it's it's got a lot of shit Now what are you gonna do with all those that stuff? I'm gonna put it in here and I don't know what to do with it We're gonna throw a lot of it's garbage the mixing boards or Chris and just text that she can't make the podcast tonight. Why don't you have Kelly for stucco on? I don't make the podcast tonight. Why don't you have Kelly for Stucco on? Hmm.

I don't have to. Wow. Oh my God. Wow. Jesus Christ. I don't know what that was. I don't know what that was. I'm always angry at- I'm always angry at you, Bobby, for putting him in that position.

I fucked up. I really think you should- Can I breathe a little? I never. I never asked. I never asked. I'm just gonna talk about- I know I'm good. You got it talk about I was choking on something I'm gonna talk about God again we do like the hat you just go yes and then afterwards go obviously Kelly

I would never have you on it, but I just said that on the I'm gonna tell you why can I open these truckers? I'm talking I'm gonna tell you why Kelly shouldn't come on it It's not because she doesn't have a rapport with any humans. That's that's that's that's gonna be a comedy for a living So who do you have a who have a who do you have on the show? What's Dan Natterman? Dan Natterman and good rapport with humans I think it's Ryan Hamilton. Yeah, another easy. Yeah, yeah, Mormon. They're always fun Oh, is this is this the podcast of people that do not have a rapport with other people? Fred Stuller who's Fred Stuller?

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah Brilliant writer writer He's a great tweeter. Yeah, he's a great writer. You know a lot about him. I know a little bit about him. You want to be on the show? You want to be on the show? What time is the show? Uh, at seven o'clock. All right. I've said coming together. Wow. It sets at seven o'clock. Wait a minute. Are you? Are you fucking crazy? What? You you said oh god. You're literally just no to Kelly, and then you invite in front of her, fucking Joe List. That is so, it's so thing.

It's all about Fred Stoller. I don't know all about him. But you don't want that anybody else. You're probably more than most of you on the planet know about Fred Stoller. I mean, you wrote by tweeting, is writing episodes on Science. You remember the Science Feld where the guy can't remember

Elaine, David on the, he only remembers that he had. That's the other guy. Oh yeah, I know that. He goes, I got to have my parents. Yeah, they're here. They're here. They're here. They're here. That's the other stroller. Oh, yeah, I know that. It goes. I got that having my parents. Yeah, she's actually a lot of men's here. So you know who he is to that.

Yeah, I know. He's a character from Sunfeld. I'm a big Sunfeld fan. So you know, wow. Wow. He's also the annoying cousin in everybody that's right now. Oh, you know who else he is? Dumb and Dumber. He's the guy in the pay phone.

Like it's supposed to be. Oh, yeah. You never heard of the concept of the other movie. Yeah, never seen that. Hang on, hang on. So Kelly, you in the face. Oh, you see. You ever heard of the concept of an unzoried beat? Hang on, hang on. So Kelly, you do know just as much about this guy's joke. Yeah, he's really deadpan the way he talks. He's always like, oh, no, he's a diehard fan.

Wow, that's a 30-show. Would you at least like to meet him? Can she meet him? Can she meet him before the show? I'm in a leave. Would you come on the podcast, Kelly? If you want me to, I would love to, but I don't want it. You don't have to. Don't push it now. Now you're putting in, you're putting that

pressure on him. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, take the pressure. Listen to me. Listen, let it happen. Don't have dignity. Okay, just take your chocolate bars, you'll one left it and get on the show. just take your chocolate bars, you'll one left it and get on the shelf. How is the new club opening? How the weekend go? The weekend was awesome. Yeah, especially Saturday night. Saturday night, yeah. Because we figured out a... Well, the club's good. Yeah, the club's good. But how? Well, you don't want to give away all your secrets. I mean, you don't want the fucking stand-tech secret

the stand is gonna fucking listen to this and fucking steal everything so it was great though you think in is it gonna work it was uh it was unbelievably good was it sold out friday and saturday sold out yeah just like that just like that yeah wow it's great so you had you had two clubs on the same almost on the same block sold out. Same city block. It's crazy. I had the stage now. I don't know if you've been on it. Then you guys have been on you work at the you work here. Now you work here when you when you when you lived here. Yeah, a while ago. Right. The stage over there

now is so tight and small. I've been on it since they've changed it. So they put that thing in the back. Fuck and love it. Yeah, it's great've changed it so say put that thing in the back fucking love it Yeah, it's great love it It's so the they finally the one you first had at that first week It was such a big stage You didn't know where to go and these people are then way over to the right and left So disconnected from the show, right, but no, it's a lot better. Oh, it's so good because you you're the one who screamed at me and Rated me into making the stage. I'm glad that you listened. Yeah, I did

Sometimes is berating can be positive outlook. Yeah, glad that you you're you're saying thank you. Oh, I'll be a way of gift Thank you Robert you're welcome next time about the screaming make me cry But it's effective. No, I won't give away a gift and you've learned how to build your story Yeah, this guy this fucking this beautiful You've learned how to build your stuff. Yeah, this guy, this fucking, this beautiful, Heather Graves, donuts the show almost every week maybe, all right? Okay, the lights, everything, Heather Graves, right?

She sends a box of these hats from me, Joe, Dan, and Kelly. Boston Strong, be strong, right? These are great hats. As I pass them all out, Dan takes his on the fucking show, and then Nate didn't have one but what he didn't care really And I go you don't have any goes you can have mine man take mine He said that in the mic. He did in the mic. But I learned my lesson. They're berating Oh, yeah, you got you got what was coming. Oh man

Yeah, but you know what I learned and also my friends that I thought were my friends You know what I learned? I know I thank God. And also, my friends that I thought were my friends, one Joe list, when I told them I'm very sensitive about the cancer thing, because I smoke, and I'm trying to quit smoking next month, Kepsino's gonna get cancer. First of all, you did not say that until just now.

I made one joke, and then you got upset, so I felt bad, and you were like, I have to go to the doctor, I'm like, I did not even know that. And also me making a joke about cancer will not cause you to have any more cancer. And I'm a fucking, I'm a hurt that you're a comedian who I respect and still thinks that that stuff matters.

And I'm a hurt that you didn't fill me in that you're worried about having cancer, you might actually have it. I wouldn't have made a joke. I'm a hurt that. You know, it doesn't matter if you joke or not joke. I just wanted to say a little. I hope you get cancer.

Whoa! We know what I said to that. I think it back. Knock on wood. Dan gets cancer The pot of coffee that was pretty insensitive you know what I don't want it to be good What if I do and then you're like oh fuck is it cancer in your family love you look? No, no, no cancer in my family. No cancer. Do you think you have I don't know if I'd have a throat problems really?

Yeah, what do you mean what how well you do? I went to a doctor and they did a bunch of tests and I have to go back what they say I have good probably cancer. You have good guy goes I never seen this come back in a couple weeks. I've never seen nothing like dude. I've had guts since I was seven But it's good. What there was your throat ever like shutting off. Yeah, it shut off last year Oh, that was that what that was you know what I changed my your forgiven. I'm sorry I got it. It's actually I'll tell you what it is it was the stupid fucking Paulin oh yeah

I I've never been allergic in my life to anything me neither all of a sudden I got these adult allergies My voice shut down and I I Sigurates kills you. Yeah, I got I mean I'm gonna stop that's what kills you because the smoke will shut you throw down That's what's been going on. This is weird. This is gonna sound fucking freaky go to the store and get Number one get Apple vinegar. Okay, take a teaspoon of that A day or at night. Don't write it down. Don't worry, but and get about what the doctor told you get It's gonna be weird get and get you know those little vibrators

Yeah, it's around like you know three inches First of all if you have a funny. It's the way a podcast work. No, I'm you think it's something funny You actually say it on the microphone. You know whisper it to the guy sitting next to you at all Asshole sorry He's a high-spiled Gurt who figured out by massaging your throat and Your muscles tighten up and they don't let go and that's what shuts it down if you massage it It will actually loosen up the muscles and they'll your throat will open up again. Tech talk Vibrate. Yeah, you two but first and talk you

Obviously don't go the doctor you to it. I don't want to I'm scary But taking drugs to treat gourd can increase your risk of cancer. Oh boy. Oh, that's great Good for you. No, that's way to fucking I got the guy happy taking apple vider cinnamon put in a vibrator And it's throat now you got him having cancer What he needs to be informed Do you say cinnamon the first time were you holding that back? I didn't say cinnamon. Did I just say cinnamon? What are you trying to do? I said apple cider vinegar apple cider vinegar cinnamon's horrible for you I never you could die taking a tea taking a teaspoon of cinnamon all at once you you can actually die

Absolutely, it's called the cinnamon challenge. I ate teaspoon. I almost killed E-Rock on the own I show. With the cinnamon challenge, he took a big teaspoon of it and it's it dries out your throat and lungs. It just it sucks up all the moisture and you can't you can't breathe. Oh, so you got drinks up there? Even if you drink something, it just... So what happens, you die? Is that guy dead? No, he's not dead, he almost killed him.

Really? I mean, I got scared, dude. I did it go away. It did, but you can get hurt, you can fuck yourself up doing that. I have scars on my head. What, guys, you want to talk in the microphone, we're on a show. Well, I was scared shitless, and then I read,

and it was saying, if you have mild forms of gourd, if you really have no like problems and you're taking proton pump blockers, which basically asked reflex medication, they said you're 60 to 80% more likely to get a soft cold cancer than if you have severe symptoms and you're taking a protein blocker. Okay, I don't know. So wait, I don't know. I think what I just read was okay. I've got a good question.

I've worse the guard, the less likely you already have cancer. Yes. The worst thing ever. And I have awful, I have really bad cancer. It's a heartburn, right? Yeah, it's like HPV. Terrible heartburn. When they're saying HPV causes throat cancer.

But HPV, the kind that gives you warts, doesn't cause cancer. Exactly. So the worst, the HPV you have, the better. And I've got, I've got really severe gird, like, more I'm gonna die. I know. I just, I had a nightmare. What?

I just had a nightmare that I, two nights ago at a nightmare that I fucking was, had one of those. You didn't make it? No, those like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Oh, four bucks, yeah. You know what, voice, did you could do with that, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh Jack Galivanakis. He got second time round. What do you want, howl? Who? Who? Jesus. No, are you cold?

Get the love. No, no, I got to go. I'm just wondering who's going to do it. I'm freaking out of our Fred Stuller now, because I didn't realize he was actually somebody well known. I thought you were having Kelley on. I don't think he's well known. I just have to.

I'm just a huge fan of him. Well, you guys just rattled off his whole IMDB resume. Yeah, but that's just where Ridiculous Sanfail is. I was talking about this. Can I say something to you? I was talking about this, I forget with you, that the younger comics, like the generation before me and before them are so much more, they know so much more about comedy

because of YouTube and the internet. I mean, when I was a kid, you had to have a record player to listen to prior. You didn't get to YouTube and watch every fucking thing he's ever done ever all afternoon and know everything about Richard Pryor in three hours. Right. Good morning.

Like Dan, the other night, actually, Zach, Alaphonakis came in, he sat down and he rattled off his bit word for word. No, I don't know. I didn't know when you said that on the phone and you know what you were talking about. He had some bit that he was like this thing that I, you were like, you blah, blah, blah, blah. He was talking about playing the piano. Yeah, you knew what the fuck he was talking about

Yeah, watch the special we watch it That's exactly what our lives and juvenile halls or whatever we also need to take vacations all day long Care all right guys, well, let's wrap this up. You know, I try to bring this, you know, I don't know. The carer. All right, guys. Well, let's wrap this up. You know, I try to bring this, you know, I think I'm gonna just do this by myself. I think I'm ending this. I think I'm gonna just do Bob Kelly with Jess himself. You can almost hear the cheers across, you know what,

dude, my ass. He's just putting you guys down is that how this podcast ends like? No, I don't live here. I try, but I don't even do about myself now. I'm kind of on. That's, I'm worried about Gerd's. I don't know, that study tried but I don't even about myself now. I'm worried about birds. I don't know that study No, they just like Stockholm syndrome. He's like he's like really no, they just all smash me stupid

They've been smash me for a half hour. I missed that Yeah, they just all took a hit at me and I was just like I'm gonna do this by myself I was just defending myself. I missed that part. Yeah, it really will open you ears. I wasn't here All right. When you get that live video, you'll be able to see what's going on. I told you you're going to add live video, which is going to be awesome.

So that room's going to be insane. Yeah. Great. All right. Well, thanks for coming. Joe list, what do you got? May, the last weekend of May, what is 3031? I'll be headlining the Tacoma Comedy Club.

May 23rd, my one man show at the Creek in the Cave again Yeah, same thing May 23rd Creek in the cave. Can I go? I'm gonna please I'd love for you to come out. Okay, if you're the only really close friend that hasn't come out yet I would love to come out Well, you remind me because I'm having a baby. Yeah, yeah Nate, what do you got? May 15 to the 19th I'm 19th. I'm headlining May 15th to the 19th, I'm headlining. So, Oklahoma City Looney bin, and then I'm headlining.

I had to talk to that fast. I'm headlining. Chuckle hot and see. And then go bananas. I will be there in May 30th to whatever, you know, the beginning of the, whatever month comes right after that. What, what is your Twitter? Nate Bargatsy. And what do you want to do with your Twitter? I want to beat Dan Soder. So let's get it together. And they're doing good. They're really doing good.

They get hit up a lot. And I've jumped up a good amount. Good, you know, we'll keep going. You got to keep pushing it. I keep pushing it. You got to keep pushing it. At Nate Bergatsy. At Nate Bergatsy.

Six and a half. I'm at 65. Really? There you go, buddy. pushing it at napar gatsy at napar gatsy six and a half I'm at 65 really there you go buddy Well six three eight sevens. Oh, I've round up. So let's go. How long how long do you get how what do you get eight? So does 11. He's like 12,000 thousand and he's verified. Where did you get verified? Fuck fuck you for not knowing I know what it is It's just I know what it is. It's just I know what it is It's your dumb management and the people that it's CAA Realstein it's not it's not see it. It's gotta be CAA. Yeah, and he's your agent He's pretend them did not trust me. They're not my agency. One guy might maybe you

His humbleness makes me do what they do. I honestly don't know what I like. I don't know who did it. I don't know who did it. So who's pretending to be Dan Soda and one day? Did you just see it one day? Someone DM me and was like, hey, you're verified now. Can we all just understand that Dan Soda is just, can we all just agree and be okay with it?

He's just that guy. He's one of the guys that are gonna go fucking scathing right past everything and everything's gonna just come to him. He's gonna get very, it doesn't matter. And he's not gonna know because he doesn't care about verify, because he got verify. And he doesn't know how it happens.

Just let it go, let it happen and good for you, Dan. It sounds like you're talking to yourself. We're all I am I am I am talking to myself. You're not very good. You're very fine. Good good good picking that up I don't know it sounds like it's gonna be get pretty soon fucking Joe's seriousness bugs me All right me you'll be an all-seater You're yelling at us. You're very projecting there. I was joking. It was quite pretty. I can't tell when you're joking anymore.

That's the end of the relationship right there. That's when you know you have to break up with a girl. I've been wanting to go. It used to be funny. That's what it was you. What she goes, that used to make me laugh. I've been wanting to go out of this relationship for a long time.

Oh, you got it. You fucking got it. I can't get over the verified thing. Kelly? Yep, the verified thing. No, you fucking stupid one plug that you have every week. No, I wanna thank my internet guy. I get shut up. The last week this got stomped on.

The guy emailed me. He's like, thanks for trying to thank me, but everyone stomped on you. So, I'm glad you brought it up then. Yeah, but he said that. But he's really nice. He's really sweet. I got a, someone made a website for me

and they're really sweet. Devon, I think I say Richie. He made a, he made it for Dan too. Yeah, he's, we're still working on it. But just if you go, if you go to my website now, that he made for me at Mashpoint, and click on it, he's really inexpensive. He's very comic and he wanna use it.

What's the website? It's called Mashpoint. Are you plugging? Yeah, I'm thanking him for helping me be telling people to go and if they were like a website and then I was I was gonna do it Yeah, I was gonna plug Devon. He's great. It's great. How do I know that? He's gonna hot. How do I know that he's great? Because we've had much contact with him and he's, loves the show, huge fan show. Huge. Love you, God, love you. And he emailed you about something.

I know, I told you. I gotta remind you. All right, so Devon, go to Devon. What else, Kelly? You got a show? Yeah, I have a show every Wednesday now, open lounge, you know, 50 seconds and second, and there's Andabelli as well.

But go to my website where I have everything on my calendar. Mm. Well Well not everything. Wow. Dan, what do you get, buddy? May 9th to the 11th, there will be the Sacramento Punchline. DanSoda.com, built by Devon Richie. And I'm verified, which upsets Nate. Crazy. That's crazy. That he's verified? Unbelievable.

I know people with 100, thousand followers that aren't verified You know all the best we get where people got bear verified like I think it's like I'm ready to guy code like yeah Yeah, I think it's I think it's MTV. Yeah, it's Viacom or C.A. I know what you're bad probably Viacom because especially because it happened this week and my specials coming out on Friday Well, what they do now I talked to a comic that Friday. Well, what they do now, I talked to a comic that when you are going to be on something or involved with a certain thing and they look at your Twitter and you're not verified or you don't have a lot of followers or your Facebook does, they will go and pump it up by you followers, verify you, by you face. This is making me excited. Is that what has happened to him? No, they will do that is like

the kids here's a thing that if you can't remember what's that when you read something uh... army it's a there's a wet there's a website go ahead called status people dot com check to see who's these agencies now can actually these agencies can go in and pump everything up so when fans go if they see you have six thousand followers

or twelve thousand falls and you're verified that psychologically does something to people to oh he's important or he has twenty thousand people and oh he has thirty thousand people so in fourth it means it means something to the executives it means something to the other. It means something to the other. I walked into a room and they were all on Twitter looking at what I wrote. That's why I don't write, I hope your mother dies and gets con cancer anymore.

Because all these, you know the girl get con cancer. All these producers were reading my tweets. I was like, what are you guys doing on your phone? They were like, oh, we're just reading what you, you know, how many followers you have and that actually means something now. So your verification means that you're going somewhere and yours, you're not, I'm not going to be able to. You're flying back to LA. The verif, it's like being, it's like

being in a top 10 list or top 20 list. Like if you're verified, oh, it's so cool. You know, I mean, like it's just another status that I would love to be a part of that list. What's his list you bring up? Oh, here's your on that list. I'm really enlist. Get on the, get Dan, don't get up. With Guy Code?

Yeah. But it used to be. If I give you a tape, but with all my boner, VHS, I have a lot of boner jokes. But you send that to them. Yeah, absolutely.

But you go to statuspeople.com, you plug in your Twitter handle and it'll say 40% real people 30% inactive Can you do that right now? I don't know I don't know how accurate it is I talked to somebody and they will go in the the actual agency will go in If it's a big agency and you're gonna be a part of something they will go in and buy you Followers so you don't look like a piece of shit with 14 people They'll buy you a thousand people psychologically it makes that would happen with Eric Rivera

I don't know but some of some of this on the status people I guess someone was telling me that I don't know it says an active but that's just people that are on Twitter They don't tweet though. They just go on to read tweets. I had somebody to say yesterday I they created a fake Facebook account with pictures of boobs and tits and got 5,000 followers and they're gonna sell the account To somebody who will just take it over and switch it up and have all those followers For 300 bucks you can do that. You can make like 300

bucks doing that. That's where that's fucking crazy. It's crazy. But what do you gonna do? Alright guys, thanks a lot for listening. I hope you enjoyed the show. Thanks for the presence everybody. Yeah, thanks for the presence everybody. Heather and Heather Graves for the hats and also Megan Palatano for the he lie Hawaii baby outfit. She gave you and She was she really gave me an awesome baby present if you guys a bunch of you guys have actually went on Amazon calm and Searched baby registry Robert Kelly and sent me stuff which was awesome. I really appreciated Kevin Crits I'm P.O. He was also sent you something.. Yeah they sent me all this great little gifts for the baby which I really

appreciate. Thank you so much. You were registered. Nobody told me. Who? Well you just you why but why would you care? You just actually made a sigh when I said that. And I thought that you were going to I thought that you were how did people know to do that? They just went on Amazon. They're friends. But you did you hint on on the air that they should send you baby gifts? I never. Why would I ever say that I'm on Amazon? I was you have to do. Why would I say go to baby registry on Amazon and type in Robert Kelly and why would I do that? I would never do that. Not to my buddy say. I would go to Amazon.com and type in Robert Kelly.

But baby registry. You don't just do Robert Kelly because that you wouldn't find me But if you wanted to find me I would never say that go to baby registry Robert Kelly and then my name comes up and you click right on there the one from New York not the one from Seattle And then there's a bunch of stuff like a baby monitor. I didn't get yet The stupid this fuck why do I need two stupid fucking car seats by the way Why do I need two stupid fucking car seats by the way Levant baby talk we're doing that to the tech talk Baby talk with Bobby and

Tech talk is coming out very soon with revamp and the whole thing new logo new everything It's almost done. We're gonna be doing that. So check out for that. And then in July. July, I don't June. June, the 27th, the 20th, the 20th, not Fox with. You know what, dude? Podcast show. Lewis, Jay Gomez, Kelly, Fistiger, and myself. So make sure you support that. Goodbye. So check it out. Make sure you go to tweedaudio.com to tweedaudio.com, buy yourself a pair of headphones, in-air, mic, non-might, wood grain, green, lime green, white, all kinds of colors, all kinds of styles, and their great quality headphones for a cheap price, and get this.

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