Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - I’m Not Your Manager! | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #39

Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to the gas digital network All right, what's up everybody? We're back. Joe List, Dan Soda, Louis J. Gomez, and Rob Sato, Kelly. I haven't had my body break coffee yet. Oh, you're not man enough, dude. I'm not man enough. Now, listen, we were talking about your coffee though. What?

Starting point is 00:00:43 Now when you say, what? Why do you get so negative? Because I like yeah, I know we're going with this No, you have no idea Phone call listen, so your coffee right when we get it Is this really gonna like affect all the tea your mood 100%? How do I say to me look up what Andrew Huberman has to say about Tonga Adali. Who's Andrew Huberman? That guy.

Starting point is 00:01:09 That's Bert Kreischer's cousin. What? That's sick. Is it actually? No, Tom Segura's cousin. Is it really? Yeah. That's crazy.

Starting point is 00:01:16 Wait, for real? Yeah, you guys didn't know that? No. It's so funny that Facts just shut this show down. Yeah. Isn't it so funny that Facts shut this show down? I thought. Ah!

Starting point is 00:01:24 Suck my dick. No way. You're queer. Suck my dick. No way. You're queer. No way. Your special was great, though. You just called me a fag. Did you watch it?

Starting point is 00:01:29 I watched it. Really? I shared it. I watched it. It's so funny. Thank you. I have a quarter million views. That's unbelievable.

Starting point is 00:01:34 In three days. It's very funny. You deserve it. Exceeding expectations. Yeah, dude. You're great. Well, last year, this is what happened. Last year, I said the C word in my YouTube special.

Starting point is 00:01:42 Yeah, and they strike it. And it was rockin' and and rollin and then it just stopped What they were like don't worry about it wasn't that they said that they get very in the first eight minutes You're not a lot. Are we talking about Bobby's wife in the special? She just had surgery she's recovering he's been to on surgery he had a That's literally what she had. What's she have she had her cover? And soda believed I But I brought it for us. It's in our house.

Starting point is 00:02:06 I did. Danny, get Don's cut. I want to go over there. You have one of those metal suitcases? Kssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Producer Alex, we were at the mothership doing story wars and you know, Rogan fucking has all of his smelling salts all over the green room, which is kind of a hand job you think to have around, be like, you're about to go on stage, you better wake up. Right?

Starting point is 00:02:34 So. You try to get your own cut smash video. Dude, I go to, I know, dude, Rogan, Rogan ain't shit. Wow. I love him, I love the club. I love Rogan, I love the club. And I think he's one of the most interesting guys ever. New podcast he just did was amazing. Listen, they have smelling salts in the green room. I love it. Jars of it, right? And Alex,

Starting point is 00:02:56 my producer, is if all my producers are potheads. Yeah. So Alex wasn't paying attention. She was a cybernetic computer. I was like, Alex, all this weed is fucking great. And I had the jars of salt and I go, I was like, was like here take a whiff and do she put her fucking Nose so deep into this jar went because she really wanted to smell that weed dude. She cried Can I say she literally started? I'm old. I know I'm the oldest one here, and I'm old But didn't we already talk about this did we? We did smelling salt. We never was like Maybe talked about it on a story war story wars. No you you're here this. I am. Yeah. Yeah, you're old

Starting point is 00:03:36 From the bomb Dana you have to put Don's pussy on your It's on your head god damn you go. Just fit it on. It's on your head. God damn you. What's up? Handsome as fuck. Dude. It's crazy. By the way, you looked, I saw a picture from you from the dojo. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:51 On like Saturday. I'd be looking hot. Oh, you like my tiger shirt? Yeah, dude. Just getting into it, getting that older sexual vibe. People don't know that dojo's a comedy club, so they think Bobby was in a dojo doing martial arts. He was.

Starting point is 00:04:06 He just did a fact joke? I don't know what that was. Was that a bomb? That was a total bomb. What are you talking about? Can I say something? 100% that was a bomb. I was trying to park our game. I thought Dan was going to start doing oh so you came out. I was already doing it. I literally flinched like it's gonna hurt and I was like 100% it's a bump and you you were laughing at it like this gonna be big and then we all gonna jump in on this dojo Oh, you can't make laughs. That's crazy. That was pretty good. He got it on camera. That wasn't a real one. He left just so we could graduate. He left just so I had to keep the bomb down.

Starting point is 00:04:54 Court of law, hold up. Oh, you know what? Can I address something funny? With Joe Russell, our friend over here, we were in a movie together, and he edited the movie, and I was like, were you there the day I was shooting? And then we went to the premiere. He's in the scene with me. I didn't remember Joe sucks Austin Joe does Dallas. Well, that's what he was. Yeah No, dude, no, I don't think we should be giving each other bomb downers for trying new things.

Starting point is 00:05:25 No, you know what? It's always for trying. What else are we going to do? What else are we going to do, you fucking? It's 100% for always trying new things. You can't. It's nice. We should be encouraging them to try.

Starting point is 00:05:33 Where can we see this movie? It's in the Tribeca. It's in the theater. I don't know. Joe might know better than me. He edited the thing. It's in Tribeca right now. So you did the equivalent of reintroducing yourself

Starting point is 00:05:42 to someone you already know? What do you mean? Because that's the worst feeling in the world. No, no. I knew. Hey, I'm Dan. And they go, we've met like three times. He worked on the movie. But I was like, were you did the equivalent of reintroducing yourself to someone you already know? What do you mean? Because that's the worst feeling in the world. No, no, I'm Dan and they go we've met like three He worked on the movie, but I was like were you there the day I was shooting and then I watched the movie We're fucking sitting next to each other in the scene. I just totally blacked out Joe is such a snob It's a great movie though. Didn't you think where's the movie name? I don't know you don't know on a string on a string Sorry, sounds like you made that up. Why would you say Called reg sign I thought it'd be a funny bit to say I don't know the name of the string or on a screen

Starting point is 00:06:15 The movie was it's called on a string. It was string on a screen and I'll tell you I hear a funny story about it I'd be the first man You guys both jumped on at the same time. Yeah. You're off today. And you laughed at me forgetting Joe Russell and you yes-handed it. Don't act like I'm stink. So you're doing good. They fucked it up. Yeah. You know, this is what the regs is. We all just are so brutally mean to each other for no reason. That's the thing that we want to be the best at, which is being funny. And if you bomb on this, like you have three other hilarious comics

Starting point is 00:06:46 being like, fuck you, you're not funny. Kill yourself. I like that. Can I tell you something? I really like that part. I never noticed Joe's thumbs are weird. He has finger thumbs. What are you talking about?

Starting point is 00:06:56 These are perfect thumbs. All thumbs are fingers, Joe. No. Bobby, I hate to break it to you. They count. But I have your thumb. Bobby, you're smart, I got 10 fingers. Look, look at his thumbs are longer than most of them.

Starting point is 00:07:07 Oh, he's taking it off! No, no, no, no! Oh, put it back! Fucking put it back! What do you mean? Ah! I think these are good thumbs. Oh, you son of a bitch! You ripped it off.

Starting point is 00:07:22 You broke my fucking thumb! Bobby, you're tan. That's what I mean, that's what it is. Those forearms are hot. But here's what I'll say, put your fingers down. Bobby's got hot forearms. Yeah, dude.

Starting point is 00:07:31 Your biceps stink. He only has two arms from what I can see. You have good arms. Any shorter, you'd have munchkin arms. Yeah, you do have two arms. I'm probably- T-rex Bobby. Here you go.

Starting point is 00:07:40 Now, I can't hand you the bandana. I have the second best arms in here, because you're gonna say you have the best arms. Obviously I have the best arms in here. Cause you're gonna say you have them. Obviously I have the best arms. You obviously don't. I actually think Bobby does. Yeah, I have better arms. Bobby's got better forearms than anybody.

Starting point is 00:07:52 He's got better forearms than me. I got better arms than you. My arms are better than you. When Lewis is rocking them fucking guns. Yeah, but it goes up and down. I know, but when they're up. Up and down. Oh, up and down.

Starting point is 00:08:03 Up and down, make me horny. Up and down make me horny. Louis arms make me so hot. Joe hit it. Hot and down. That's a good point guard dude. Thanks bro. Didn't see under the basket, had to pass it. So you want to hear the story?

Starting point is 00:08:17 I want to hear a funny story. I went to the movie it's at Tribeca Film Fest. Our friend Isabel Hagen made the movie. She's fucking great. She hates me. She's kind of hot. She doesn't hate you. She's very funny. She's kind of She's kinda hot. She doesn't hate you.

Starting point is 00:08:25 She's very funny. She's kinda hot. Yeah, but she's extraordinarily talented. I opened for her special. I don't really pay attention to any of her stuff. Well, I opened for her special and that's great. It's gonna be awesome. And then she did the movie the next week

Starting point is 00:08:36 and there was a red carpet event. Like a, like every, it's a little red carpet with the lights and the business and the come in and the point and play. Explain it to him more. And I- What's a red carpet? So just and the business and they come in the point explain it to him more and I read carpet it's so just a carpet is red okay when you go down on an Irish chick yeah so she's on her period fuck her out there's a red carpet right here right now anyways I was supposed to be there

Starting point is 00:08:58 but I didn't know that how to get in there and I felt weird so I just waited in line I had a ticket to the movie I waited in the. I was the last person in and when I got there, she was like, where were you? And I was like, I don't know, I was in line. I just stood in line. I was one of the stars of the movie. So that would be very, is what happens next to the funny story?

Starting point is 00:09:14 Oh wow. Damn. Wow. I think your eyes are too dark. They look stupid. It's like black. Yeah, he has like, he has like,

Starting point is 00:09:22 He has like, shark eyes. Shark eyes. I like that, shark eyes. Yeah, sharks has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, he has like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, I had I had locked and loaded because it would be funny if a known actor just waited in line for a premiere That's what I can't don't you see it's funny. Everyone's in a red Post for you what?

Starting point is 00:10:13 Miss the movie I got there for the movie I was the last one in the theater and I couldn't find a seat which was also like Forrest Gump Everyone was like this is taken. Where did you sit? I ended up sitting with Isabel and her husband the filmmaker I had the best seat in the house ultimately and then Joe Russell did nothing for me him and his wife I was like hey can I sit there and they're like no and nobody else was sitting there you got there so late I was there early I just missed the red carpet wait so you got or you were there early I just went live they were like what movie you here for and I was not

Starting point is 00:10:42 confusing why are we acting like we don't get it? It is, it is. He said he was early, then he said he was late. I was trying to figure that out, Louis. You can't yes and. Just trying to circle some squares here. Okay, fucking, baby, give me some Oshkowonga dolphin mouth. Wow. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Starting point is 00:10:55 Dude, I'll fuck you. Get in the water. See if I don't fucking pull you all the way down. This goes back to what we were talking about last week, and I don't think you know you're doing it. You go the opposite of everything. Never yes anding. It's always just a, you're a real opposite shark.

Starting point is 00:11:10 Yeah, dude. He is, he's a yes and Noah. No, he's a no, but. He's a Noah, he's a Jew. He's a Jew. Noah. I know a thing or two about you, idiots. What? I don't know. Nice.

Starting point is 00:11:22 I didn't think that far. Short talk. I'm still thinking about my shark eyes. God, you're obsessed with it. If you don't be brought, if you don't have a guy go da da, da da da da. Are you guys ready for your next comic? Da da.

Starting point is 00:11:35 You have to have your, whoever brings you up. Oh no, there's too much laughs in the water. Da da. So we're running it back. I think we need a bigger club. Yeah, we're just trying to, we're trying to score as many points as we can. Thank you, Joe. Because we're off.

Starting point is 00:11:49 Anyways, so how was the movie? How were you in the movie? I thought it was pretty good. I was, the baby was four days old when I made the movie and you know, he only got, I only got a couple of takes, but I think it was pretty good. Got some big laughs, Joe, right? Oh yeah. You did a scene with Eric Boghossian. Yeah. Eric Boghossian. Oh, I love Eric Boghossian. He was on Billions Was he? Yep. Yeah, he's great. He was good on Billions. Boghossian, yeah. Eric Boghossian. That's me and him. He's in that movie Quiz Show, right? He was in a lot of movies. See, Quiz Show?

Starting point is 00:12:15 He's also in the fucking the Adam Sandler business. On Kajams. On Kajams. Yeah, he's a good actor. He actually was kind of cool for a minute like badass and then he became very old and dewy That happened the guy from my princess bride to carry always What's his name Sandy Pat? George! What's his name? Sandy Patakin? Manny Pat- Manny. Manny Patakin.

Starting point is 00:12:45 Manny Patinkin. Patinkin. He's become like a- My name is Niko Montoya. That's him. What a film. What a fucking movie. I got the four horses in case we find the lady. How about Rob Reiner's run?

Starting point is 00:12:58 Hey stop it, I mean it! I got a peanut. Anybody want a peanut? Anybody want a peanut? How about the run for Rob Reiner? Stand me crazy misery crazy a few good he did misery when harry met sally and this is spinal tap and sleepless in seattle of their diverse and uh... what about the princess bride cannot throw my fucking cuba cigars around like it's chiclets

Starting point is 00:13:21 i bought cuban scores in mexico this past weekend and they're not really an hour ago their fake enough to know if they know there there were no that's Cigars around like it's chicklets. I bought Cuban cigars in Mexico this past weekend. They're not real. They're not real. They're fake. They're not real. They're fake. No, they're they were real. No, they're not. Is that what the Mexican guy told you? Yeah, they don't they don't they don't have. They're like these are from Cuba. He goes I don't know this short guy man. I tell him they're from Cuba. He swim away. Yeah, Cubans in Mexico are not real. No, I looked up the brand, I chachi-bteed it, and they were like, this is the one to buy, because they had a whole selection. What'd you buy? Speaking of chachi-btee.

Starting point is 00:13:49 Please, I'll show you what I did. I did some cool shit with chachi-btee. I know what you did. What did I do? I think it's time you come clean. What did he do? Wow. What did he do?

Starting point is 00:13:57 Last week's episode. Oh, don't be an asshole. Wow. Don't be an asshole. What did he do? Don't be an asshole. What did he do? Hey Joe, what did you do? Come clean. What did he do? Don't be an asshole. What did he do? Hey Joe, what did you do?

Starting point is 00:14:05 I was honest with you. What did he do? And I'm being honest with you. What did he do? What did he do? What did he do? Ta-da! It's fucked up.

Starting point is 00:14:13 We're all laughing and smiling. It's all fun. What did he do? There is no Skank Fest this year. Joe. No, what did he do, Joe? I'm not saying anything. What did you do to Joe?

Starting point is 00:14:23 What is that? No. What was last week's episode all about though? some bullshit bubble it up What was that? It was bullshit bubbling up. Oh No, oh shit, I just have a fun time. He doesn't have his can I'll just say this I'll give guys fucking man I want to know chat GBT Lewis J Gomez needs to be punched in the face by all three of us what the fuck why that's not context you know what Bobby's a dumb old man. He forgot all that. He can't remember. He doesn't remember. So doesn't remember either. What happened? He's a bonnet.

Starting point is 00:15:05 Sutter's nose is pressed into his brain. His memory function is like, Who are all of you? What is it? Can't reset. Steak tips. Sutter has Alzheimer's. Yeah. Oh, he didn't shut. He fucking made a menu from Jet TVT.

Starting point is 00:15:14 What are you telling you what he said? You made that? I made a menu. That's why it took him 25 minutes. Listen to me. He fucking had AI create a menu. Bravo. Bravo.

Starting point is 00:15:22 You know what? A fake restaurant, a fake menu. I'm going to.... He fucking had AI. Just create a menu. Bravo. Bravo. You know what? A fake restaurant, a fake menu. I'm going to- Different types of steak tips.

Starting point is 00:15:30 I'm going to look. I'm going to forget this. Dan Bresett is no different than me. I go, where the hell did he go? I mean, buddy, that is pretty fucking wild. Yeah. That's pretty good. I knew it.

Starting point is 00:15:43 It took you 25 minutes. So you're just becoming a chat GPT expert. you're just you know what I started doing so I'm Buying the house that I'm in right now And I want to reimagine the backyard so I took pictures around my backyard and I was like alright Show me with a barrel sauna right here Show me with a workout pavilion right here, and they show me my whole backyard with all of the fucking things Is this on a phone or is this on my phone? Right, it's chat GPT are you using?

Starting point is 00:16:05 Chat 4.0, the paid one. The one where you can talk to the guy with the blue little dot? Yeah, of course. That one. Yeah, because I talk to him all the time. How much does it cost? 20 bucks a month.

Starting point is 00:16:16 Wow, that's not bad. You can fuck it. You wanna reimagine your house with new siding? Can you reimagine it with a new wife with a new vagina? Yes. Damn, dude, refurb. But it won't, here's the thing with it. It won't help you a devious stuff. Devious? Yeah. Like it has a, it has a governor on it. So it doesn't do. I saw this house cause

Starting point is 00:16:36 I was thinking about maybe not buying my house and this house looks like shit on the outside. I was like, show me this house with a blue siding. Right? Look at this. Check this out. How fucking cool is this? That's white siding. No, that's how it looks now. Oh, okay. Look how nice the house looks once you fucking redo the siding in the room. It does look nice. Right?

Starting point is 00:16:50 Oh my God, it looks even better. It looks fucking incredible. And now you don't have to use your imagination. But do you know how much siding costs? That actually counts too. 30 grand, right? This is the punch cloth. No, I don't think that much, but it's a lot.

Starting point is 00:17:00 Here, look, this is the pavilion that I wanna build in my backyard. Punch cloth. Is that called, is that a pavilion? Pavilion. This is my workout pavilion next to my pool. I don't know if they're both pavilions. You can't have two pavilions. You can't have two pavilions. One of them. Double pavilions. No. No, one's some, you have a pavilion and a, what's the other thing called? Patio. No, it's called a, um, covered piazza. Covered patio and a pavilion. Mike Piazza. I'm going to hire Mike. Azza I'm gonna hire what gondola

Starting point is 00:17:29 gazebo gazebo you're a gazebo excuse me oh I did I drink coffee I drink coffee like a sum bitch I wake up and have a coffee I almost have one before I go to bed that's a problem I say something I only drink a coffee. I almost have one before I go to bed. Can I say something? That's a problem. Can I say something? I only drink good coffee. Yeah. I only drink good stuff. I don't waste my time with fucking crap, for crappy crap. No. And now we have amazing coffee and it's from our friend.

Starting point is 00:17:56 It's body brain. Body brain. Body brain. BBC. Hey, whoa. It is. Joe, what are you doing over there? It is BBC, dude.

Starting point is 00:18:04 Joe! Get filled up with BBC in your mouth. Yeah. Throw my stomach with BBC. Hey, whoa! I is. Joe, what are you doing over there? It's BBC, dude. Joe! Get filled up with BBC in your mouth. Fill my stomach with BBC. Hey, whoa, I didn't realize that. Oh my God. Hold on, time out. Back to the drawing board. Louis, Louis, real quick, how did you come up with that? Next week he's gonna be like,

Starting point is 00:18:18 it's thinking man's coffee, TMC. Sounds like you need a little coffee right now. I need a little coffee. You need a little body break coffee in your life right now. Look here's the truth. Ready? After 30 years old every man their testosterone goes down 1%. That is the truth. Yeah. So you got to worry about that've been watching mad men. There's a problem with men in this country. They're not men enough. And then there's men and nights. Look, I'll tell you right now, nobody wants to put a needle in their ass to fucking, uh, to boost her to saucer on. That's weird. You can put it in your little stomach. It's subcutaneous. It's not that bad.

Starting point is 00:19:05 And it's gender affirming care. Yeah. So if you don't wanna do gender affirming care. Body Brain Coffee is packed with incredible adaptogens and neutropics that will help you both fix your body and your mind. It has 300 milligrams of Tongat Ali, which is a natural testosterone boost.

Starting point is 00:19:21 Say that again? I thought he was a wrestler in New Japan. 300 milligrams of Tongat Ali. Weren't you gonna name your son that? Tongat Ali. Tongat Ali. I thought he was a wrestler in New Japan. 300 milligrams of Tongat Ali. Weren't you going to name your son that? Tongat Ali. Tongat Ali. And also 600 milligrams of Lion's Mane which increases brain function, promotes memory, ashwagandha to reduce stress and balance cortisol and L-theanine to smooth it all out. You drink coffee very often you get very jittery. Well guess what? Not when you have L-theienine in your coffee. And it's premium freeze-dried Colombian coffee. How do you prepare it?

Starting point is 00:19:48 You can put it in hot water, cold water. You know what I like to do? This read is so specifically just for Lewis. He goes, whether you're lifting, riding, podcasting, or just trying not to punch your boss in the face, this is the coffee that shows up ready to go. If you're fucking open-micers. You're about to drag a cabbie out of the car to beat the

Starting point is 00:20:06 shit out of them. If you're leaving the base in Jamaica and going out into the wild. Shannon. It just says Shannon randomly. If you're writing a book and thinking about your mom a lot, body brain coffee has you covered. Just look, we're giving you a discount for regs listeners. Use the promo code regs with a Z 15 regs 15.

Starting point is 00:20:23 You should give them more because they're regs fans you know what they're 25 do it do it do it do it do it for the month of fucking june use the promo code regs 25 25 over shut up regs 25 use that promo code you're going to get 25% off i'll make the call right now. This doesn't come out this week. It comes out next week. It comes out August. Well, you got like a week. Well, now it's time to buy it, my friend. Regs25, promo code regs25, 25% off just for regs listeners. That's an exclusive offer. Literally all the other podcasts are only getting 15% off. Skanks, you're only getting 15% off? Yep. Wow. Dang.

Starting point is 00:21:01 Story Wars just 15%. Story Wars, really? 20% off. What about the other one you do? Lewis Journal? Yeah. Wow. Just 15% story. What about the other one you do? Uh, Louis journal? Yeah. They get free samples. Can you get another name for that? Uh, can we get something on your face? All right. Where were we? Oh, it's a tattoo. Look at Dan. I know you're not a big cigar guy, but I am Joe is Lewis is a kind of a cigar guy. He's a poser. He's not a cigar guy. He's really not.

Starting point is 00:21:25 But you know what? He's not as a phony. He does love holding one and sucking on one. Yeah, he does. Yeah. He doesn't even light it. He goes, is there any way I can put a skin cover over this? You guys have a bigger ring gauge.

Starting point is 00:21:35 Oh my God, I would love to stretch the sides of my lips out. But you and Joe, cigar aficionados. Aficionados, and you know this small batch company is amazing, why? Do youados. Aficionados. And you know, this small batch company is amazing. Why? Do you know why? Tell me why. I'm gonna tell you right now,

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Starting point is 00:22:39 Use code REGS10 to get the discount code for 10% off and 5% rewards at smallbatchcigars.com. One more time. Smallbatchcigars.com. Get in there and live it the hell up. Back to the show, Dan. Oh, one punch in the face. One punch. One punch.

Starting point is 00:23:00 From the weakest puncher here. Okay. Me. Not go. Danny. No, Joe. It's Danny. It's Danny. I did MMA for years. Dan, what's Dan? Danny will make his fucking mustache disappear. Yeah. But if you touch Danny in the ears, when he does it, he'll fucking Danny's gonna punch me with his fucking wrist, fucking break his

Starting point is 00:23:17 hand. I would like to see Danny punch you in the face. All right, Danny, Danny, you can punch me in the face. I don't, by the way, I don't think Joe Russell's gonna be back in a lot of heat himself. No, Joe Russell's punch me in the face. By the way, I don't think Joe Russell's gonna be back in a lot of heat himself. No, Joe Russell's more manly than Danny. What? Absolutely. I also have retard strength.

Starting point is 00:23:29 No you don't, you're not actually retarded. Yeah. I don't think you're that strong Danny. I don't even think you're retarded. Danny has so much built up hatred towards Lewis yelling at him for the last two years. I barely yelled at Danny. What?

Starting point is 00:23:41 I've barely yelled at Danny. I'm not looking at him right now. Dan, is he serious? I think so. Okay. What? How much have I yelled at Danny. Is he I'm not looking at him right now Dan. Is he serious? I think so, okay Are you how much my yelled at Danny? You are the yeller you They call you old yeller you that's a good name Danny Danny who does as you Lewis on this show yelled at you more than me on the show? Yes. Thank you. On the show,

Starting point is 00:24:11 off the show. I talked to Bobby a lot more than Danny. Have I even ever yelled at you off the show? No. See, it's a fun. You don't even think he exists. It's a look at him bit. Bobby, Bobby yells at you and abuses you. We remember abusive ass Bobby. Yeah. It was crazy. We all feared you for a while.

Starting point is 00:24:31 It was crazy. You never feared me. I feared you. Yeah. We all did. Buddy. You probably almost made me cry one time because I asked him what train stop his house was. He's like, I'm not your fucking manager.

Starting point is 00:24:44 You fucking piece of shit. No, no, no, Dan. Here's what happened. That was the big thing of that generation. But here's what happened. Ready? It sucked. That whole generation. I want to. The whole generation sucked. They were bullies. I'll talk when you're done. Okay. Here's what he did, Dan. He, I said be at my house. Be at White Plains train station 12 o'clock tomorrow.

Starting point is 00:24:59 I remember this vividly. That's it. I'm driving you. I'm going to go pick you up and drive you all the way to this fucking gig. He's got to drive himself. He's not doing me a favor. He's just picking up on the way to the gig that he's going to already. I said, I'm leaving at this time. Be there at 12. What? Where was the white plane station? Mohican Sun. Great gig. Love that gig. Love the gig. Great gig. Great little vacation thing. I hate the gig. I like the hotel. It's a hotel and everything. I haven't done it in years. little vacation thing. I like the hotel. It's a hotel and everything. I haven't done it in years. White Plains. It's in text. It's in voice. I did it both. He calls me a ten something.

Starting point is 00:25:40 Text me a ten something. What train do I take? There's two trains. It was a Radburn train. Can I finish? Are you going to cut me off? Yeah. Let me finish and jump in in between. Look at me, Dan. Look at my finger, Dan. Focus on my finger. Dan, right here. Listen, Dan. Dan, Dan, wait. No, no, Dan.

Starting point is 00:25:51 I don't like this. Dan, Dan. I don't like this. Reset. Dan, Dan. He's texting me. I'm not supposed to just be there at 12. What train do I take?

Starting point is 00:26:03 It's as simple as instead of yelling at your friend, you would just say the train. He can't let, there's so much, there's so many less words to just go record. He can't let anybody talk when he's wrong. Let me talk. Dan, over here. Dan, right here. Stay here. Listen, Dan. Dan really gets a golden retriever. Sugar ball. He says, I'm fucking my shit together. I'm fucking. I'm good. I get a text. What trained now he wants me. This is so if I say, okay, now I have to stop what I'm doing packing, taking care of my fucking chick doing my life. I have hang on. I have to stop. So here's the scenario. I got to go look at the train schedule and find a train that gets him at 12. That's not what it had to do. I said which train station. How the fuck do I know? The amount of words. I don't take a train. Can I ask you something?

Starting point is 00:26:51 Why didn't you just scroll up? Because there's two train stations that are new to us. There's Radburn and White Plains and I didn't remember. No, Radburn. Not Radburn, I'm sorry. No, Radburn. I'm thinking of my train station. Yeah, you're an asshole.

Starting point is 00:27:01 What's the other one? I'm not going to tell you. Coolburn. No. Tubular burn. Tubular burn. Side burn. Side burn. He says to me, this is, time is short. He goes, your fucking career is short. Listen, here's the thing. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Now, I'm not your are you fucking kidding me? Now, I'm not your, so you want me to go find the train? It's back to the back?

Starting point is 00:27:28 Hold on. How would I know the trains? Let me say this. How would I know? How would I know? How would I know? How would you know a train is near your house? How would I know?

Starting point is 00:27:35 I don't take the train, you fucking mook! I drive a car! Bobby's doing the angry girlfriend thing where he looks up and he goes, I don't know! Let me say this, Bobby, you've, hold on. I don't take the train. Shut up, let me he goes, I don't know. Let me say this. I don't take the train. I don't take the train. Shut up.

Starting point is 00:27:48 Let me speak. You're a train person. Let me speak. You're a train person. Bobby, you have multiple parties. He's being disingenuous right now. I'm not. He has parties every year.

Starting point is 00:27:56 Max's birthday. No one ever took the train. Remember the spider incident? He tells everyone. By the fire? White planes. He tells everyone what train he takes. White planes. I thought it was Hartshell. Hartsdale. Hartsdale. It's in his thick. He tells everyone what train he fucking takes.

Starting point is 00:28:05 I thought it was Hartsdale. Hartsdale. Thank you. There's two trains and we would take both so I didn't remember which train station he was picking me up from. All I said was which train station are you picking me up from, which he knows where he's going. He's acting like he doesn't know.

Starting point is 00:28:19 I thought you don't know. White Plains. So hold on, do you not know or you do know? Meet me at White Plains. I told you at the beginning of the story. Meet me at White Plains. Bobby, stop just talking. Listen to me you do know? Meet me at White, I told you at the beginning of the story. Meet me at White Plains. Bobby, stop just talking, listen to me now, please.

Starting point is 00:28:27 No, I'm not. You're just yapping over and over again. Stop with that fucking alpha male shit. Will you? I take body break coffee all the time. I'm sorry, I'm sure he is. I'm losing disaster right now. Andrew Huberman wants him.

Starting point is 00:28:38 Every time you touch me I just roll in my belly. You just do it, okay, all right. Bobby's cowering. You're just yelling over me instead of like listening to the argument. Doing what you were doing at the beginning. No. That's what you were doing. No.

Starting point is 00:28:52 Every time I talked you were yelling over me. Shark eyes. So listen. What? You didn't text me with Transation because I would have read the text. You told me what Transation you were going to pick me up from then I didn't remember if it was hard sale or white plans

Starting point is 00:29:02 because I would go to your house all the time. I just go to your text message. It wasn't in the text messages. You're just making up a fact. Why wouldn't I then, Bonnie? Why wouldn't I? Do we still have these text messages? No, this is years ago.

Starting point is 00:29:13 I do. You're retarded. I do, and if I have it, I do. He's just, how do you feel good about winning an argument by lying? Why are you getting mad? I'm not mad, you're getting mad. When you, see when you-

Starting point is 00:29:24 Let me make my point. You get mad, don't get mad. Dan, Dan. Dan, not mad. You're getting mad. When you see when you let me make my point you get mad Don't get mad. Dan over here Dan over here I'm gonna piss So instead of just saying why plans are picking up because he knows what he's putting in his GPS He knows where he's picking up and said he berates me and screams at me for five full minutes. He berated you? Dude, it's one word.

Starting point is 00:29:50 White Plains, two words. It's White Plains or scream at me for five minutes and make me almost cry. No, what happened was, and this is my side of the story, and that's your side, okay, great. I said, be there at White Plains at 12 o'clock. I'll pick you up. Yeah. I don't want to fuck. That's it. Just be there at White Plains at 12 o'clock. I'll pick you up. Yeah. I don't wanna fuck.

Starting point is 00:30:07 That's it. Just be there. You're a man, I'm a man. I don't need to do anything else than to tell you what train station. I'm just asking to remind me what train station. That's a normal thing to do. That's it, guy who takes both sides. That's it, man, right here.

Starting point is 00:30:20 And that's it. And then I go. And that's it. That's a normal thing. Sometimes people ask for a reminder. I go, whatever train... Joe, you're not biased here. I mean, what are we doing? I say, whatever train gets you there at 12, take that train.

Starting point is 00:30:32 There's two transitions. Just take the fucking train that you're picking me up from. Whatever train gets you at white points at 12. Why do I have to do a fucking riddle? Because to get to the gold, you must solve this riddle. Can I say something? First of all a couple things. Yeah, but I'm not done yet. There's a whole there's another piece of the story. There's another piece of the story.

Starting point is 00:30:57 Can you admit that you bullied us for no reason? There's another piece of the story. Opening argument is closed. This is about me and you not them. Don't Yeah, they're the judge you can't bring them into this this is about me and you don't try to get a team around you Like you always do Joe. Yes, you had opinion on this Well a few things I and Lewis can be a lot a lot I would say I would say taxing taxing sure I would've took a taxi, but you should've, but also it feels like I'm talking to an alcoholic drug addict in recovery who may or may not have been working a very good program at this time. Okay. It could have been quite easy to just reiterate the information with a simple text. Now message now about your fucking manager you fucking lose and i do think insane and i do see the

Starting point is 00:31:49 reaction i do think there was a generational because the polo would do this to me to where i would go hey um... because you grow up men what what's the uh... what airport flight it right back i'm not your fucking manager i'm like but you are my friend who has the information I need. I can go to a different city. You are my only point of contact. But it wasn't about the trains. Now he's gonna say I didn't. I say just be at White Plains at whatever train gets you at... I said this. Whatever train gets you at White Plains at 12, take that train. I said that. Okay, okay. So I show up at White Plains at 10 of 12 to meet him. Very polite. Very nice. Waiting out front.

Starting point is 00:32:31 He didn't tell me that, he didn't tell me. He did. I went to the other station. I did. No, no, no. Which is a five minute drive from Bobby. No, it's not. It's a, it's a, How long is the drive? Look it up right now. Hold on. Look it up right now. Look it up right now. Look it up right now. I would say, I would say this, I would say this, 15 minutes with no traffic or nothing. There's no traffic up in White Plains.

Starting point is 00:32:49 There is a lot. At noon is the busiest time. There is a lot. Hartsdale Transation, White Plains Transation. Got it. There is a lot. The White Plains Transation, the distance to drive. It's walkable.

Starting point is 00:32:57 Now, now, here's the thing. It's equity. His house is equity. Guys, here's the thing. That liar, Bobby. The reason why he wanted to go to the Harts It's equally this house is he would have said guys. Here's the thing The reason liar Bobby reason why he wanted to go to the hard steel station was cuz there was a Starbucks. That's a beautiful star That's not true. You're making up. I just didn't know the train station because you wouldn't reiterate

Starting point is 00:33:21 It was a beautiful star, but I don't know if it's opening. It's not. It's closed. It's gone. There is a White Plains station showing up. Yeah, there is. There is a White Plains. It's downtown White Plains.

Starting point is 00:33:32 It's the station closest to my house. It's the only station I've ever been to. What's it called? Because this is the one I used to go to when I was dating. That's the one. Yeah, exactly. White Plains is the station you go to. Well, it doesn't come up as a train station.

Starting point is 00:33:42 Trans Center Garage. White Plains. Nine minutes. Yeah, there Entry. Nine minutes. Yeah, there you go. Without traffic. There's no traffic. There's a lot of traffic. But the reaction, I mean, literally we drove to Connecticut in silence, staring forward.

Starting point is 00:33:54 Two hours. No, here's the kicker though. Here's the kicker. Ten minutes. You want to hear something hilarious? 2.8 miles. You want to hear something? We drove in silence.

Starting point is 00:34:02 Now, here's the kicker. We get up there. Now, this is not the first time Lewis has pulled the taxing, hey man, it's an emergency. 2.8 miles. You wanna hear something? We drove in silence. Now here's the kicker. We get up there. Now this is not the first time Lewis has pulled the taxing, hey man, it's like dude, just show up at 12. That's all I want. I have anxiety about getting places.

Starting point is 00:34:15 I have all kinds of anxiety about tickets, sales, who's coming, how am I gonna get there? Is my room gonna, I have all that travel. We all do this. There's no anxiety with any of this. He didn't have it back then he didn't go on the road Yeah, no, he had no anxiety. I would regularly open for you No anxiety and I would regularly sell your merch for no money. You remember the one time the guy said I gave you money Yeah, you didn't you got kicked out the guy got kicked out because he said you sucked

Starting point is 00:34:41 And then the guy tried to come up to me and shake my hand. I almost fought him for you That's why I love you. You remember that you You know you remember any of that? I do. Can I say this? I'm sorry for yelling at you. Thank you. Whoa there we go. But. But I'm not your fucking man. Listen here's the thing though this is what really this is when Lewis is Lewis we get all the way up there we get into the VIP place I go to he goes checks in. I go to the other lady and checks in. They only have, he gets my room. They don't have a room for him. He, by the way, it's making up facts, Bob.

Starting point is 00:35:12 They have, buddy. These are, I took the suite. He, no, stop. He went in and we just checked in at the same time. He's in a robe, dude. He's smoking a cigar in the bathroom. He's got your pussy in a bag. Dan, Dan, Dan, dude. He's smoking a cigar in the bathroom. He's got dog pussy in a bag. Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, listen.

Starting point is 00:35:27 We're your relationship counselors. Dan, Dan, listen. Stay here. Listen, we check in. He checks in, I check in. He gets the room, and then she goes, we don't have a room. I go, what are you talking about?

Starting point is 00:35:36 He goes, we only had one room for you under your name. And this man took it from us. So they gave the room to him, and I go like this to him. I go, I go, well, you gave, we gave it to him. So that's your room. We would have to get him another room, but we have to get permission. There's only one room and it's for you. Where, where, where was this room?

Starting point is 00:35:55 I go like this. I go, I'm going to get his room, but I got to call the guy. But I go, yo dude, you got my room. And he's like, well, I need a room. And he, and I'm like, what? 100% true. He goes, I need a room. And I'm like, what? 100% true. He goes, I need a room. This never happened.

Starting point is 00:36:07 Yes, absolutely. Whatever it is, you're confusing some story. Buddy, he went like this. If that happened in your life at one time. Listen to me. It never happened. I may have a temper, or used to. I mean, sweet Christ did you.

Starting point is 00:36:20 I might have not been working a program. We all think you were abusive'm the way Joe said it. Maybe my program. You're a little lacking. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I don't know if you should be throwing lacking stone. Well, he's going to get going. Don't get him going. Someone who looks like we're going to see this 2013 barrel of dynamite. I've been having magic mind and the brain and body This hotel story it didn't happen He just created this

Starting point is 00:36:56 Because I'm known to create shit. I'm known to just make sure this is going totally create He goes I need a room it's not like you went oh sorry cool Give me a room under my name. If there's one room, Bobby, how would I? How would I under the club? It's not. Yeah. So wait, why was Lewis there before you? We went in together. There's two. He went first. You're remembering a different situation in your life. You're seeing. It's not true. We both went in. I know what you're talking about. Well, he gets on, there's a VIP, there's two guests. It was two days after the towers fell.

Starting point is 00:37:28 Let him do a bit. I go in. What? He's doing a fun bit. What? It was right after Kennedy got shot, dude. We go to the hotel, you... We coming out too quick.

Starting point is 00:37:40 Don't come out of the bit deck. No, I was already doing a bit. What I was gonna say is, I will give you in your defense Bobby Lewis with hotel rooms can be a nefarious. Yeah, do you remember when we did North Carolina with Nefarious Lewis We drove from here to North Carolina We were doing a one-nighter me and Louis

Starting point is 00:38:05 were opening for Big J and we drove all night and we get to the hotel and Louis comes out of the... remember the lady goes, you look like a drowned rat! When we walked into the hotel. This didn't happen. Yeah. I think your BBC is fucking up your wires. Big J will 100%... No, I remember this. You were looking dirty around, what was this? The lady walked in, because we were doing our Mike DiStefano impression was making us laugh the last three minutes one boo you No, boo you and then we go to the hotel and the first thing lady says she goes you look like a drowned rat What the fuck does that mean? We drove all night down to North Carolina we drove straight through the night

Starting point is 00:38:42 Lewis is like great. We got three hotel rooms and you've been through the night. Lewis is like, great, we got three hotel rooms and you've been driving all night. So we're like, great, we'll sleep. We'll wake up in the early evening and get good food. He gives Jay a key, he gives me a key. Lewis takes the key. I go in, I get in my underwear, I get in the bed, I go to sleep, I am.

Starting point is 00:38:56 Dan is Superman underwear, dressed like a little boy. Yeah, I actually have the pajamas on with the cape. I'm dead asleep and then it's just, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, and Louis is like, get up, get up, and I'm like. You should let Joe do the door knock. Yeah, he should, he's a great majority. Do it, do it.

Starting point is 00:39:13 Not even kind of that way. I showed up on a horse. Doosh, doosh, doosh, doosh, doosh. There it is. And I was like. Oh, oh. Doosh, doosh, doosh, doosh. And I was like.

Starting point is 00:39:22 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had a boner in my underwear and I had to get up and Lewis was like, was the top of it sticking out of the elastic? Just a little score. And then Lewis is like, let me in pussy. Let me in. We fucked up the rooms and me and Lewis had to split a room. Really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:37 The third room, I don't even know who the third room was for. They gave it to us by mistake. Oh. But it sucked. I was dead asleep. So in your defense, Lewis does fuck up hotel rooms. Yeah. You guys are just hot, hot under the collars. That's all. But I understand you're frustrated and then someone goes, can you come to this thing?

Starting point is 00:39:52 We, uh, we're very similar. Magic Mind. You love Magic Mind. Let me say something. I do love Magic Mind. I call you Magic Mind. I love it because of all the stuff it has in it. And it, you just drink it. One shot. Oh, I know Magic Mind. I love Magic Mind Magic Mind this is the one that it always serves me up the ads of Pete Holmes going like this is the greatest Yeah, but now they have ads of us

Starting point is 00:40:12 The Reds! Now we're the one to bother people. Now we're the ones to get the focus Woo! The energy. You love it. You love it. That's what you're asking me Hey, you guys are asking me why you look so good? Yeah, magic mind. It's the wellness shot with one to help start the day and the other to help catch a full eight hours every night. You got sleep performance, you got mental performance. I didn't even realize this. They sent me a bunch, I just started pounding them.

Starting point is 00:40:38 I felt great. I didn't know there was one for which. You get a sleep performance shot that does just what it says on the bottle. You're gonna fall asleep quickly and get a great night sleep Sarah's been using the fuck out of these things I'm like nerve I'm like I don't know if we can both be sleeping this well well but as we have a baby I have I have them in my house every morning bang right there it's like a

Starting point is 00:40:58 shot too cuz I don't drink yeah but I feel like it's good because take a little airplane shooter here's how we know how I did this is a bit less special. Okay. Oh, yeah, it's actually go stream it now This is a real. This is an ad within a read YouTube comm small ball. Go check out your list It's not one. It's on one the other one Oh son of a bitch small ball climb in the chart. I saw that 200,000 fuck first two days If you've got a lot to juggle like I do you didn't repost my story But it's okay if you got a lot to juggle like I do, you didn't repost my story, but it's okay. If you've got a lot to juggle like I do, Magic Mind makes it easy. So that's why you did it?

Starting point is 00:41:26 No, no, no. I mean, it's about us. It's about us. I love it. But you did repost other people's. Go ahead. Yeah, the people that matter to me. Oh, we'll take that.

Starting point is 00:41:35 We'll just, we'll... I don't know why I'm calling all of a sudden. Can I be serious for one second about the ad? Yeah. Are you doing anything else to your face? It looks like you have a filter on. This is what you're using, Magic ad? Yeah. Is this, are you doing anything else to your face? It looks like you have a filter on. This is what you're using, Magic Mind? Yes.

Starting point is 00:41:49 Because this is an ad. It's tan too. You look unbelievable. Tan's incredible. You look smooth. You know why? I have great skin. Yes.

Starting point is 00:41:57 I have great skin. Katie said that to me once randomly. She goes, Bobby's got incredible skin. I do have great skin. And don't forget guys, I'm coming up on 55. You look good. For 55. Yeah, dude. And Irish have historically horrible 55. Yeah, dude, you look good.

Starting point is 00:42:05 And Irish have historically horrible skin. I got that Sicilian guinea pig. Yeah, that's why. You know, because the Moors. The boots, I think it's the boots. I'll take that Westchester now. If you've got a lot of juggle like I do, Magic Mind makes a huge difference.

Starting point is 00:42:19 Check out our 50% off discount on- What? 50% off. My God. On Magic Mind subscriptions in our description box. Or just head to magicmind.com slash regs. Magic mind, magicmind.com slash regs. Get 50% off your first Magic Mind subscription using the link below.

Starting point is 00:42:38 Happy Father's Day this weekend. Boys. Sunday. Boys. No, we're men. That's a boy. I get a weekend off. Oh yeah, we have to work nine to five on Father's Day. No, I was talking about a holiday off.

Starting point is 00:42:49 I don't have to buy anybody anything. We don't have to buy anything. We have to get things. Yeah, we get it. Do they get you? Do they get you stuff? Yeah, my son will get me. I'm bringing him to Boston this weekend with me.

Starting point is 00:42:57 Oh yeah? You gonna go to a Sox game? No. Go get steak tips. Bring him to steak tips. I'll get him some steak tips at fucking Hula Hoos on Westmore Street. You know, you should bring him a steak tip. I'll get him some steak tips at fucking hula hoos on Westmore Street. You know, you should bring him to Cologne's.

Starting point is 00:43:09 He'll love Cologne's. No, the Children's Museum is the best children's museum in the world. I'll do that. And then also, you want to bring him to Dick's Last Resort and I'm not going to tell him what it is. And he knows me, so they're going to be like, hey, what's going on?

Starting point is 00:43:20 Grab a fucking seat anywhere, idiot. And James is going to be like, hey, can I talk to you real quick? Can you not do that to my dad? Hey um I I kind of understand the premise of the restaurant because he's smart he goes I walked in and I kind of pick up what the premise of the restaurant is. Mike you don't want to do that to my dad. James is gonna leave. In Vegas I forgot every year there was a Dick's last resort downstairs from the variety. I forgot every year and I would go in every year And I'm like I was there seat available I was like, I don't know is there and I'm like are you have a fucking probably I forgot

Starting point is 00:43:49 I wanted to take a Delta Force in there. I wanted to take like you Shane Bobby Keith My guys passing right through me we have the best children's museum in America you got to take them really Yeah, you can climb up the fight. It's crazy. It's unbelievable Joe Joe that's a playground There's a slide There's monkey bars now. It's a really good one. Is it that means the best one people fly in just to go to our What are you going there for I have gigs and it's right over here. It's my last Boston to you can walk there Yeah, you can literally walk to the children's museum a must no no no, no, no, no, no. We'll do it.

Starting point is 00:44:25 No, no, no. He's too young for that. He's too old for the children. He's 12. He's 12. 13. And he's 5'9". Yeah, dude, he's not going to like that. It's too... But that area is nice. The Science Museum is one of the best. He'd be more into the Science Museum.

Starting point is 00:44:38 The Science Museum is one of the best in the country. You can't walk to that. It's in Cambridge. But it's still close. You can walk. You guys are bossing us. What else should I do with my son? Well, the dismissal of Fenway is crazy, but it's in Cambridge but it's still close. You can walk. You guys are bossy guys what else should I do with my son? Well the dismissal of Fenway is crazy but it's expensive. No you can go to Fenway. Yeah, Luz doesn't care about baseball though. Yeah. He plays baseball. He's not into it anymore. He did it this year because fucking his mom like was like we were on the team. You can take a duck boat. Beautiful. Great tour. They love duck boats. You know you do fuck the duck boat go to the duck boat James get your dick out Do a whale watch now

Starting point is 00:45:18 Don't do well watch you'll throw it's disgusting why cuz I last time I went well Everybody on the fucking thing threw up I was hiding in the woman's bathroom because I was throwing I went, everybody on the fucking thing threw up. I was hiding in the woman's bathroom because I was throwing up the whole boat. Oh, the boat. Yeah. Shaking. Where did you go to the lady? Lost your bay and there was fucking one whale. We were chasing for two hours. Never. We saw one fin in the distance.

Starting point is 00:45:38 Everybody got sick. Everybody. Sorry. Like, yeah, I was dead. Look at the fucking whale. Did it? Yeah. Go to the comments. I'm not your manager. You fucking dude fighting the way back to the fucking shore. Was that the whale? Yeah dude I don't know where the fucking button is. I'm not your fucking manager. You fucking dude. I'm not your fucking manager. You fucking dude. I'm not your fucking manager.

Starting point is 00:45:49 You fucking dude. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager.

Starting point is 00:45:57 I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not your fucking manager. I'm not fucking button is. I'm like, eeeh! Pfft! I'm not too fucking mad at you, dude!

Starting point is 00:46:09 Eeeh! Pfft! Eeeh! Bobby's so stupid during a whale watch. Yeah, dude, you fucking catch me, Kala? Eeeh! Eeeh! Pfft!

Starting point is 00:46:24 What else? Go to Fenway. Fen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What else? Go to Fenway. Fenway fucking slaps, dude. It's very expensive.

Starting point is 00:46:31 What if you don't want, it's going to put the money. You're acting like I'm poor, Joe. What are you doing over here? But if you're not into it, what's the point? What's the point? Fenway is awesome.

Starting point is 00:46:39 It's just because they don't have any. What do you do though? They don't have any parks like that in the country. You're never gonna, it hasn't changed in over 150 years, right? Yeah, it's sick. Top 10 activity, put it with a kid in there. Boston Children's Day for younger children.

Starting point is 00:46:53 Fenway Park, oh, go to the North End! North End, you'll love it. Oh, Italian. Well, Italian! Yeah, you can eat there. Food, Italian, all kinds of bakeries. Walk around, just take little nibbles of stuff. Seafood in Boston is unbelievable.

Starting point is 00:47:04 Public Garden is great. Go to the North End, go to the North, take them to the North End, you'll love it. And it's just take little nibbles of stuff. Seafood and bobs. Public garden is great. Go to the North End. Go to the North, take them to the North End. You'll love it. And it's walkable. I love oysters. And you walk right to the North End. I say that.

Starting point is 00:47:11 I remember, dude, Max got so mad at me, I brought them to Capital Grill, like maybe two years ago, and I was like, you guys want to get oysters? Max was like, yeah, I love oysters. I was like, you sure? He was like, yeah, get me extra. So I ordered oysters for the whole group. Does he like oysters?

Starting point is 00:47:26 No. He likes, he just wants things. Yeah, he just wanted, dude. Yeah, dude. He was like, dude, I want lobster, dad. I bought him a lobster. He's like, yeah. I'm like, that's fucking,

Starting point is 00:47:36 it's like 40 bucks for this thing. And he's just like, yeah. I go, you like it? He goes, I love it. I'm like, well, eat it. He's like, I'm gonna save it. I'm like, you can't save it. That's so funny.

Starting point is 00:47:46 No, I want lobster. It's not your mother's, put it back on the plate. Oh, Jesus. It's in your pocket. I got it. You got it. I know, you take it to too far. Beatrice's. Okay, is that a new sponsor?

Starting point is 00:47:59 Beatrice's Tunk Coffee. That's coffee for women. That's not bad. Him just buying a lobster and not liking it is such a boss move. The oyster was crazy. So he's like, and then he sees it because he's never even seen an oyster. He just said he wanted an oyster. He sees it. He just sees the look of disgust in his face like I have to eat that now. So then I was like, I was like, hey, I was like, you wanted it, right? He's like, yeah. I was like, well, give it a try. And then like he was like not doing it. I was like, hey, I was like, you wanted it, right? He's like, yeah. I was like, well, give it a try. And then he was like, not doing it. I was like, just take it.

Starting point is 00:48:27 There's nothing worse than half-assing an oyster and just going like. Yeah, no, you can't do that. It's like swallowing jizz. This is my exact story the first time I ate pussy. I wanted it, I stared at it, I did it halfway. She goes, is there anything, you want me to put anything on it?

Starting point is 00:48:40 He goes, no, it's all right, I don't fucking. No, I wanted it. It was slimy, I covered it in hot sauce. Horseradish on it. So no, then I was like, just shoot it. I was like, I'm sure it'd be encouraging. I wasn't being like, you gotta eat that. I was just going, yeah, it's cool, we'll all just shoot it, come on, do it.

Starting point is 00:48:54 And then he fucking did it and he hated it. And then he was like visibly angry at me for the rest of dinner. Like, remember you had to like take him aside and be like, what's wrong with you? He was like, Louis made me fucking eat an oyster, cursed. He was so pissed. What? After he ordered it? Get be like, what's wrong with you? He's like, Lewis made me fucking eat an oyster, Kirst. He was so pissed. What?

Starting point is 00:49:06 After he ordered it? Get extra too. That's the best. That's like when you text a girl, you're texting with the girl and you're like, I'm a fucker all night. Then you come and you go, it was once. I wanna ask you, as a dad and now you're a dad.

Starting point is 00:49:17 That's right. And you got a dog. Yeah, whatever. Yeah. So, Max had to go to a birthday party this weekend. Overnight, it's supposed to be camp, like they're going to have tents. Like the Holocaust?

Starting point is 00:49:29 No. How fun would that be? We are doing our own Auschwitz for Little Rory's 13th birthday. A Holocaust-themed birthday party is hilarious. He goes, he has to get on the train. He has to get on the train. What stop? The last one. He goes, I'm not your manager. We will shave their heads.

Starting point is 00:49:50 So. If Bobby was fucking a Nazi during that time, he wouldn't tell people what train to get on. May I please have some food? I'm not your fucking manager. I look like your fan manager. Which gas chamber do I go into? The furnace is the juice?

Starting point is 00:50:09 Am I your fucking gas? Shands are fired in the face. Holy shit. Alright, back to you guys having families. You guys, you guys are speaking of familial love. Still the whale coming out of the... That's gonna hurt, Bobby. It's so funny. So, it gets invited over.

Starting point is 00:50:31 So there's like 10 kids, two tents. They're gonna do a whole camp out. Max is done. All boys or girls too? All boys. So Max is done. He goes to camp up in the mountains. He does.

Starting point is 00:50:40 On an island, he'll do a... He's done it. So I'm like, cool. Yeah, you're raising Bear Grylls. So I go out to the dojo of comedy.'m doing my show I'm out back smoking cigars after you think you know jokes haha where are you from move your mouth you move your mouth and let him do that you can do both no you do that's the whole bit that's the whole thing now you do it now that's this is Bobby he's right just

Starting point is 00:51:03 let me try let him try what do you do for work? Jesus, Bobby, you're not my manager. Are you guys? Are you guys married? Watch this ha ha. Dan, do my voice. I'm a stupid fucking asshole. Way funny. Yeah, way fun. It was funny. Way funny. That's true. I'm a dumb fucking bitch. That's really good. That's a clip. Yeah, it's way fun. Clip it. Clip it.

Starting point is 00:51:28 So here we go. You got to clip it. Clip it good. So I'm sitting, I get a call from Dawn. She's like, you have to, now Dawn, you know, she's kind of hurting. She's taking care of. And you're in the dojo breaking boards. Nothing with the bars.

Starting point is 00:51:42 He's like, he goes, oh yeah, fucking yeah, but on a first date. I This show is taxing She's like Max got burnt got burnt So I I didn't want to like it. You just come back, he's like full Freddy Krueger. He's like, ah! And they go, oh fuck dude, oh fuck, it's way worse than I thought. I'm like, what are you talking about? She's panicking.

Starting point is 00:52:14 She's panicking because she can't get in the car. She can't drive. She can't go get it. You see a little bit of the skin, but it's like the burnt shit. You're like, oh god. Sorry. You fucking drained it dry. You ruined it.

Starting point is 00:52:28 I'm just trying to chill out. I know. But we want a laugh too. Listen. She's like, I can't. She's panicking. I can't go. She can't get to him.

Starting point is 00:52:35 You have to go. So I got to leave everything, drive to the house. This is after your show. 12 o'clock at night, driving from Jersey. Where's the house is in upstate? It's in, yeah. Hartsdale. It's 25 minutes from me down. 12 o'clock at night driving for the houses in it's it's in yeah, it's 25 minutes from me down. It's in Ardsley next to Hartsdale

Starting point is 00:52:50 So I go down there and I get there and Max I gotta give the key credit didn't even cry This whole calf secondary born he bought it back second degree. Yeah, it's serious burned. He said oh you got boy Yeah. That's serious. Burned. He said, oh, you got boigned. You got boigned. Oh, no, Max. You got boigned.

Starting point is 00:53:07 Max has a lisp. Wait, second degree is a serious fucking burn. He talks like a 20s gangster. He's like, dad, I got boigned. It's first, second, you know what I mean? But he's sitting there and he's showing me, he's like, dad, it hurts. I'm like, all right, so now over the house, the person there is like, one of the person was like, yeah, put tomatoes on it.

Starting point is 00:53:23 And I'm like, are you fucking? Bobby's like, I just had a bunch thrown at me a couple minutes ago. So, so I'm like, listen man, you want to come home? Let's just go home. Your mother knows what to do. You put, anytime you get burned, you put lavender oil and water and you put that on it,

Starting point is 00:53:38 it fucking heals it. Don't ask me why. She knows it. I'm like, go on, he's not. Butter, butter on a burn. No. That's a thing. It is not. Look at this. It's not. I think like, go on. He's like, no. Butter on a burn. No. That's a thing. It is not.

Starting point is 00:53:46 Look it up. It is. It's not. I think it's an old wives tale. Lavender oil in water. If you ever get burned. It sounds like how you want to describe one of your family members that's gay.

Starting point is 00:53:56 He's like, yeah, he's a little lavender oil in water. I'm just gonna say, he's got a little butter on the burn. If I know what you mean. He's a little bit of lavender. You should not put butter on a burn. No shit. But hold on. Greasy stuff is like butter can retain heat. Potentially. But hold on, hold on greasy subs like a tainy heat Delicious hold on so you get for listening to a wife

Starting point is 00:54:14 So anyways, so I get there I'm like max you want to go he's like I want to stay I think I'm gonna tough it out. I'm like bro. I can't come back. I'm not I got a second degree burn It's first second. You know I mean you just say you don't know what type of degree you burn. No, it was a bad burn. It was a bad burn. It was a big burn. It was just cat. Big, bad burn. Big, bad burn. How did he go in? How did this happen? Big, bad burn on my baby. Big, bad burn. Baby, no. Baby, bad water. Hot water burn, baby. Hot water burn, baby. I love rain man. So anyways, I'm like, how did this happen? And the person was one of the watching 10 kids calling him a person like they work there, like they're not a parent.

Starting point is 00:55:06 You look at him, he's got a fucking flame thrower. It's a girl. I want to hear the story. I'm trying to get to it, Joe. You have to be so punchy, everybody. I mean, you really. I mean, you really. Come on, you know what?

Starting point is 00:55:17 No, no more bits. No more bits on the show. Let's just tell serious stories. Joe, Joe, you just fucked me now. Now the story has to be like a fucking mammoth film. We would have had the... I mean that's a bit. You're fine, you're fine.

Starting point is 00:55:29 Joe, don't listen. You're good. Yeah. Do the thing. Dan. Stop being sad. Dan. Dan's bad.

Starting point is 00:55:37 Why is my microphone unplugged? Why is my microphone unplugged? Where's Deepu? I gotta go to... Deepu. So I said... That's a Deepu cut. Folks. Joe, why So I say to this.

Starting point is 00:55:45 That's a Deepu cut. So I say to, I go, how did this happen? I just went inside for a second. I'm like, in my brain, I'm like, you should never leave kids by a fire. I let him do hibachi in the backyard. Right? Right? Would you ever leave 10 kids by a fire pit?

Starting point is 00:56:02 A 12-year-old. Not if there's a bunch of them, because they're going to get rambunctious, they're going to push each other, wrestle. One of them, yeah, maybe two. If Max and James were, I would let them hang out by the fire and roast some marshmallows while I went inside. That wouldn't be a big deal.

Starting point is 00:56:14 So apparently he's trying to dab a kid up and he backed up into it, burnt his leg. You're trying to dab a kid up? Yeah, you know, dab it. Dab it, you know what I mean? He's like, dad. He's like, pass it out like Big Jack. You know what, dad? Don't leave me hanging, dab it. What's up, baby? What's like, dad. He's like. Pass it out like Big Jack. You know what, dad?

Starting point is 00:56:25 Don't leave me hanging. Dab it. What's up, baby? What are you guys, cops? Dude, we're fucking dabbers. We're proving that we're not cops. Yeah, god. Pull your shirts up.

Starting point is 00:56:33 You guys got wires on. You fucking narcs. So it's like an African American greeting. Yeah. So. So you're like, it's a black sleeper. It is very nice to see you. And he goes, yeah, I do not know why your child is burned. Your child backed

Starting point is 00:56:45 up in two fires. That's not African American, that's African. I know. What do you guys do? He's a cardiologist. Once you have the balls to do an African American. He goes, hey, yo dumbass kid backed up into that fire. That sound like Toe Look. Yeah. Funky comedy. So, so I says, I go, Max, I'm going to leave, but if you want to stay, you can stay if you want to tough it out. He goes, yeah, I think I'm going to. So, so I says, I go, Max, I'm gonna leave, but if you wanna stay, you can stay if you wanna tough it out. He goes, yeah, I think I'm gonna, so he gets in the tent, and then the father comes home, he's trying to put every, these kids are fucking,

Starting point is 00:57:12 12, 30 nights, still yelling, fucking with each other, throwing each other, and Max is like, hey, knock it the fuck off, like to the other kids. Stop throwing shit, whatever. So he's the least fun one at the sleepover. No, there's one tent that's kind of the alpha, and the other tent is kind of the goofy little assholes. Shout out. And so I leave around one o'clock. Probably trying to spit it that his kid wasn't a nerd. He's in the alpha tent, you know, the one that's reading. So I said, I leave, I go home,

Starting point is 00:57:40 I got to take care of Don a little bit. She's uncomfortable. Dude, I wake up the next day, 7.30 in the morning, Max is downstairs on the couch. There's food, he reheated Greek food, the TV's on, he was eating, watching TV. I'm like, what the fuck? Was he awake? No, he's sleeping, he's out. 25 minutes away.

Starting point is 00:58:02 I'm like, how the fuck did you get what what happened? I tried you under my car So the lady calls who's the doing the thing, she goes, we were missing kids this morning. Yo. I'm not, now I know I'm a grown child. I'm not a parent, but I don't think you could have a sleep over and miss kids.

Starting point is 00:58:35 So apparently one of the kids got fed up with the other bunch of assholes, called his dad. Max was fed up with these kids. They were throwing like rocks at the tent. That's a sleepover. Right. This is problem solving. This kid called his dad to come was fed up with these kids. They were throwing like rocks at the tent. That's a sleepover. Right. This is problem-solving. This kid called his dad to come pick him up. Pussy. Pussy. Max was like, you know what? He went over and took all the tent poles out of the other tent. Hilarious. And went, fuck it, I'm out too. Good way to drop the mic on Max. Left, took all the tent tempo, goes down. Three of the kids suffocated. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:06 Goes up to this kid's dad, Ivan, Russian guy, and says, can you drive me home too? Can you drive me home? Didn't tell him where until he was in the car. And then was like, yo, Manhattan. He goes, I live up here, whatever, which is 25 minutes away. Dude, I live at Six Flags. Yeah, he goes, ah, yeah, dude, I live at Poison Rust. We have Bobby's voice. So this guy, Ivan, just drove this other kid and Max all the way the fuck up at 4 in the morning. Jesus.

Starting point is 00:59:39 I got the ring cam, Max just dropping off. He's like, all right, thanks. If my son called me at 4 in the morning to pick him up, I would, like, that's the last time you're going to a sleepover ever. You either never get to go to a sleepover again, or I'll come and get you. Yeah, yeah. And I told him that.

Starting point is 00:59:51 So he just figured it out and jumped in a ride with Ivan the Russian. That's so great. He goes, yeah, hold on. Ivan the pedophile. Ivan, he goes, he goes, hey, two more, more the merry. Hey, what about the other tent of silly boy? Maybe play with them a little.

Starting point is 01:00:06 Yeah, you're too big. Little sock, little fuck. You have burned. This one burned, effective. I want to sock feet. He goes, I'm gonna take out of here. He goes, yeah, you're fuckable, come on. Your son just went with a man.

Starting point is 01:00:20 Yeah, a Russian man. Buddy, here's the thing. I'm thing, I told Don, I go, I'm kind of proud that he figured, he just made his own. Yeah, he set boundaries. He made it, he was like, fuck them, I'm out. I genuinely am impressed with that. And then he was like, yo, Ivan, give me a ride home,

Starting point is 01:00:37 I'm gonna take the chance. He goes, Big Max, where are we going? Your mom's still in the coupe in front seat next to me. He goes, ah, you, your lips, you have your daddy's lips kiss me or lose me forever but then he got home didn't wake us up cuz that's awesome he's like I don't know wake I don't want to wake you guys up cuz you were sleeping did he have a key now we have an electric he has his own code for the door goes in six nine six nine fucking gets gets reads Greek food yeah bring downstairs, puts the TV on, eats

Starting point is 01:01:08 a bunch of food, and then just passes out. I'm kind of fucking proud that he's freaking it out. I'd be interested to know if the person that was having the sleepover was like upset that he left. She was mad, well she called, she was mad, she's like, not mad mad, but you know, mad mad, because she said, She's like, I'm going to mad, but you know, I'm mad mad. Because she said, she's like, I'm gonna burn another kid. She goes, oh, your pussy kid

Starting point is 01:01:29 couldn't even take a little bit of a burn. And how is this second degree burn? That's definitely a first degree burn, if that. No, I got a picture of it. On the bucket just, maybe a second degree. I did, it's fucking fifth degree. They don't even go that high. I had a first degree burn and it was fucking awful.

Starting point is 01:01:44 Yeah. Horrendous. Your kid and it was fucking awful. Yeah. Horrendous. Your kid's good. I almost cried. That's like a first, second degree. Let me see. That's fucking. That's a big ass first.

Starting point is 01:01:53 The middle's kind of second degree. The skin bubbled up. It's medium rare. That's a pretty bad burn. Now, you guys are going to have sleepovers in the city. You're not going to have to worry about that. I thought sleepovers were out because of the rip and the stuff. You gonna have sleepovers in the city you're not gonna have to worry about that when I thought sleepovers were out Cuz it live in the stuff you can have sleep over there

Starting point is 01:02:08 Well, you know we have one here at a time we had I had max and James a friend Jesse sleepover once They were all it was crazy. You can't have max can't sleep max is just like fucking up all night pacing James's friend is stoned James James friend. Jesse has like issues sleeping as well. He's making noises and twitching around. What are all these little fucking, they're just insomniacs. I mean, when I was their age, it would literally just be jerk parties. It was me and my friends, we'd wait till the parents would go to bed,

Starting point is 01:02:34 we'd find a porn and we'd all just beat our dicks and fucking. I'm sorry. I don't come together. That's wild. You never did a jerk party? No. Stop it. No. No.

Starting point is 01:02:43 You never jerked off with your friends as a 12 year old boy. Ask me. I did with Louie? No. Stop it. No. No. You never jerked off with your friends as a 12 year old boy? Ask me. I did it with Louis, but that's it. It was my choice. Ask me if I've done it. Joe was like, this is what we're doing?

Starting point is 01:02:52 Louis is trying to jerk it off at him. All right, so I get to the top. Louis, Louis, ask me. Did you ever jerk off with your friends when you were a boy? No. Why are you looking away? What? No, ask me again.

Starting point is 01:03:00 No, but we wouldn't like- Did you ever jerk off with your friends when you were a? What? No, ask me again. No, but we wouldn't like, Did you ever jerk off with your friends, me or little boy? Never did. By the way, shout out to Mitch and his brother, Nick, who had a black box that de-scrambled spice channel. We had to watch spice channel, but no one would beat off in front of each other. No, we would beat off.

Starting point is 01:03:16 You guys were fucking. We played okay cookie. Quite the opposite. I love okay cookie. I lose on purpose. Joe plays it now off Craigslist. I played it once with my friends and I lost and I would. And my friends, it was the gayest moment ever. Gayer than us jerking off and coming on a cookie

Starting point is 01:03:29 was all my friends getting mad that I wouldn't eat their cum. They were like, what the fuck? Why do we even do this? I prepared it for you. Paulo had a story. He had to eat cum off of a cracker to get into a fraternity. Who? The Paulo.

Starting point is 01:03:43 He didn't have to. Yeah, he wanted to be in the fraternity. I mean, there's paperwork too, but I guess you could do that. Wait a minute, so he did it? I think so. He ain't come off of an ass or a cracker, big difference.

Starting point is 01:03:55 I think he's come. That's why he's so angry. My mom's ex-boyfriend used to have this thing where he was pledging a fraternity at Connecticut and they would make them do these races where they'd have to crab walk, but put a celery stick in their butt crack. And then if they dropped it, they couldn't use their hands,

Starting point is 01:04:11 so they had to pick it back up, and they'd do like a relay race, and the losing team had to eat all the celery. I miss all that stuff. That was in his butt. I wish I could have done that stuff. But hold on, he hated celery. He hated, he hated, I might have told you guys

Starting point is 01:04:23 a story already. One time we were at Old Chicago Pizza and they brought a pizza with celery on it and he got furious and he's like, I have an allergy, I have an allergy towards celery and the whole time I hated him. So I was just looking at my mom and I go, they're a real allergy.

Starting point is 01:04:37 And my mom was like, damn. And I was like, they're a real allergy. I was 12, I wanted to call him out so bad. He ate ass celery, that's why he hated it. Yeah, I say celery on pizza's crazy. That's disgusting. That's a psychotic. That's an old-school.

Starting point is 01:04:49 Celery and tuna, no, celery and tuna. Celery and peanut butter is fucking a great. Celery and tuna. Celery with cream cheese and olives. Cream cheese is good, cream cheese, olives, celery, peanut butter's awesome. I don't mind a celery with peanut butter. Little ants on a log.

Starting point is 01:05:04 Celery dipping into a dip, like a ranch dip. Love it. You know what I like? Ants on a log, I eat actual ants on a log in Jamaica. Joe, don't you have a joke, ants on a log? Ah! No, but do you remember that, you know what I like is celery,

Starting point is 01:05:17 I like to break it at the person so it sprays on them. That's fine, come on them. It goes ah! They say if you eat a lot of celery, your loads will be huge. Your loads get really juicy. Thick. Really?

Starting point is 01:05:26 Not thick, actually less thick. I really like them. You can shoot farther. That's what Peter North did. Yeah. Ate a bunch of celery. Yeah, so if you want to have a big, fat, juicy load. I'm gonna shoot some loads on some tits.

Starting point is 01:05:35 Shoot over your shoulder. Let's do plugs. Tits. Go ahead, Joe. On some tits. Where you gonna be? New special. Woo!

Starting point is 01:05:43 Let's come out next week. Right now, climbing the charts. Small Ball on YouTube to be? New special. Next week. Right now. Climb in the charts. Small ball on YouTube. Thanks for everyone that's watched it. So many fucking great comments. The views are through the through the roof through the room. It's very exciting. So keep watching it. Watch our early watch often. And it kicked ass on small ball too. I feel great. And then all of July, I'm in New England, Portland, Maine, Portsmouth, New Hampshire, Burlington, Vermont. It's all on Northampton, Massachusetts and Woodstock and then Denver. Yeah. September 11th through the 13th at Comedy Works. Those

Starting point is 01:06:16 will sell out. So get them early. That one of the best clubs ever. Yeah. But yeah. New England, all of July and keep watching Small Ball. Spread the word. Thank you for everyone who already has. It's fucking kicking ass because of you. That's it. All right. Who's next? Dan, what do you got? Hey, mid-June.

Starting point is 01:06:35 Now this comes out next week, right? So next week, if you're in Stanford, Connecticut this Friday and Saturday, I'm gonna be at New York Comedy Club for four shows with Greg Stone, so get tickets for that then July 18th and 19th I'm gonna be at the Funny Bone in Virginia Beach And then Empire Comedy Club in Maine in Portland, Maine July 31st through August 2nd. Oh just missing you

Starting point is 01:07:00 And so up there too. Yeah, they got all of us. Oh, they booked all the regs. They're they're a really smart comedy club It is I'm very that's together. That's smart. They should have spread us out but New York so this week New York Comedy Club in Stanford and then New York funny bone, Virginia Beach and Empire Comedy Club in Maine also the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour starts in September doing a theater run go to dance soda calm I did all the West Coast dates are announced. And then East Coast dates will come in early 2026. Coffee. Lewis, what do you got?

Starting point is 01:07:32 Come see me live on the road. I got a few more dates before I fill my next special. Yeah, baby. That's getting close. You're getting excited. How's the hour? You're going to direct it too. You better wear a beret, motherfucker.

Starting point is 01:07:41 June 26, I'll be in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. 27th, Long Beach, Mississippi. June 26, I'll be in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. 27th, Long Beach, Mississippi. June 28, Mobile, Alabama. Then Atlantic City on July 5 and 6. And those are my last dates before I film the special. Special sold out, but you can get tickets for the Thursday and Friday to watch me run it. Bobby Kelly is going to do some time on those shows.

Starting point is 01:07:58 Zach Amico is going to be down there. It's going to be fucking incredible. I'm very excited. We're bringing the kids down. We're going to have a fucking blast. It's going to be a good time. Um, yeah, come see me after that. I have a bunch more dates after that. Just go to my website, lewisfascanks.com, check out the, uh, the Legion of Scanks, check out Story Wars, subscribe to Gas Digital.

Starting point is 01:08:14 And you know what? I should say, my book is officially available for pre-order. Woo! Go pre-order it! Bobby Kelly wrote The Forward. Uh, it premiered, uh, num- number one in the substance and abuse category, number three in the comedy category, number two in the self- abuse category, number three in the comedy category, number two in the self-help category. So people are buying it. How many pages is it? I don't know yet.

Starting point is 01:08:32 It's not officially edited and finished. But it's going to be, if I had to guess, like 400 maybe? Oh, that would be great if you were like 975. No, no, 350 to 400. But nice book. That's a nice size book. It's a good size book. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:43 But yeah, it's going to be great, dude. Knives and Spoons. I'm very excited about the process I've been fucking writing my ass off And yeah, I think you guys are gonna really dig it. It's a very funny dark sad book Knives and spoons pre-order right now on Amazon go do that get and get his coffee BBC we already did it get the car get the book go get some big pre-order and don't forget body-brain coffee If if you ever take is it sold out down in Tampa yet Is it the special sold out but the Thursday Friday so let's get those tickets. God that club rips. It's awesome

Starting point is 01:09:13 All right, check it out. Go to punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly for my dates. I only got I got Portland in July 24th 25th. I'm only doing the 25th 26. I don't think I'm doing the 24th I think I have something that came up so and that's it for the summer. I'm done and then I'm doing Lewis's special so I'll be down in Tampa with him and You're gonna get some fucking relaxation time in well. No, I'm not really I'm gonna have a fucking 12 year old That wants to do a lot of shit and a wife that goes. Can you do this? Can you do that? Can you pick this up? Is that ready and I'm'm the sucker, because I don't have a family. Well, you're getting there, you're getting there.

Starting point is 01:09:47 Anyways, so make sure you check out PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly, live from the Village Underground, is up there right now for free, if you wanna go watch my special from the Village Underground, and also, Killbox is on YouTube.com slash at Robert Kelly comedy, check out those stuff, that's it for us,

Starting point is 01:10:04 and we're back to the show. Yo, gonna do my special that I found I bummed out what I was gonna do my special at comedy connection all Rhode Island that that's it's common connection and size butters remind me of each other they're I was I'm I talk to them let's do it I was preparing to do it probably over you know Christmas time I'm so sorry this is very rude I was ordering I talked to him, like let's do it. I was preparing to do it probably over Christmas time. I'm so sorry, this is very rude. I was ordering, where is this now? Special in Providence, a comedy connection. So excited, because I love that's my,

Starting point is 01:10:33 I consider one of my home clubs. We're going there since it was at fucking Faneuil Hall. And why can't you shoot it? Pete Correale is filming a special there. The same weekend? No, but he's before. I don't want to do the same. You can make it look different.

Starting point is 01:10:46 No, you can't. Nobody's on a special at Sidesploiters. No, one person did, and then they didn't release it. But I did mine at Village Underground, then you did yours after I did it. I did mine first. No, that's not true. You weren't even a headliner when I did mine.

Starting point is 01:10:58 You're a bit. You're a bit. You're a bit stupid. I'm sorry, this is how we get away from the truth. Yeah, you're not the truth. Why don't you boo? He is the truth. You know what, I just thought about this. No, no this is how we get away from the truth. Yeah, you're not the truth. Why don't you boo? He is the truth. You know what, I just thought about this.

Starting point is 01:11:07 No, no, no, no. He is the truth. Are you smoking inside? I changed the name of my special. What is it now? Special needs. Shark eyes? Shark eyes.

Starting point is 01:11:14 Shark eyes tell no lies. I changed it again. No. Don't tell people. I won't tell people. Don't tell people. But I know what I'm naming all my specials moving forward. No, you don't.

Starting point is 01:11:24 Shark eyes? I do. Shark eyes? What are you naming all my specials moving forward. Well, no. You don't. I do. Shark Eyes? What are you naming them, the Lewis Chronicles? One and two. No, you know what he's doing right now? He's trying to get us to guess so he can get one of our answers.

Starting point is 01:11:33 And then he'll go, yep. After we give him a clever answer. That is brilliant. Brilliant, that is brilliant. I love it. Lewis Shigerman's, that is brilliant. You know what would be fun is to shoot a special in London and call it brilliant.

Starting point is 01:11:43 Because they always say brilliant. I was gonna shoot it in London and call it an American comic in London. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr or a K-Up theater. And we can stop in Amsterdam. I love Amsterdam. Let's all, the children and our wives in Amsterdam. Why don't we do a regs in Amsterdam, a regs in London, and then a regs in Dublin, and just do fucking, we'll go for six days, do every other day of show, and we can just chill. That'd be sick.

Starting point is 01:12:17 We'll fucking kill it. That'd be sick. All right, let's do it. But first we gotta write all the sketches. What? Summer of Sketch. Don't forget the Summer Sketch. Summer of sketch. Oh, forget the summer sketch. Summer of sketch, I forgot we're doing that. So taxing.

Starting point is 01:12:29 I don't know how you feel about male deodorant, Bobby, but it feels like there's only like two cents. There's like rugged and fresh. Yeah, there's abusive stepdad, and then there's gay. And then there's ex-boyfriend that cheated on you. Yeah, there's just silly. Yeah, there's silly gay boy.

Starting point is 01:12:46 There's, hey, where's the keys to the car, you little piece of shit? And hey. Hi, well guess what, Mando, they got the manly sense. Bourbon leather, Mount Fuji, pro sport, dude. We're talking about baking soda free and paraben free whole body deodorant. That's the thing, man.

Starting point is 01:13:05 You know, a long time ago I heard Matthew McConaughey, all right, all right. Just put your peas in some tennis salad. But, buddy, he stopped using deodorant. Yeah, of course he did. Because they had all kinds of stuff in it. Yeah, well, yeah, that I kind of agree with. Nothing will make you freak out more

Starting point is 01:13:22 than going down a Google hole and finding out how much aluminum is in your armpit. Whoa! Joe List knows about this. Mando's starter pack is the perfect thing for new customers. It comes with a solid deodorant stick, cream tube deodorant, which is my favorite, and you can put that on your stomach. And you get two free products of your choice like mini body wash, deodorant wipes, and oh by the way, this is all free shipping. As a special offer for REGS listeners, new customers get $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive code. That's over 40% off your starter pack.

Starting point is 01:13:54 Just use code REGS at shopmando.com. That's S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. Code REGS. Smell fresher and stay drier and boost your confidence from head to toe with Mando. Jeroz is so funny in season two of Tires. What is it? He's so funny in season two of Tires.

Starting point is 01:14:13 How is he? It's great. Is it? Very, very funny. I'm only halfway through it. Dan's comfortable with his career. He could watch his friends that are more successful than him.

Starting point is 01:14:21 Yeah, I could cheer him. We all put our heads in the sand. You go, oh oh everyone likes it? Cool. I'm watching and I go, I'm really enjoying this. I go, hey, I'm friends with some really talented people. I haven't seen it, but I'm gonna so hungry. Me too.

Starting point is 01:14:36 I'm on a carnivore diet right now. I'm on, I don't give a shit what you're eating. Like a carnivore diet. Carnivore is fucking great. How do we not call this episode carnivore diet? Carnivore diet is such a fucking funny name for it. But you can't name it the fucking punchlines. We gotta name it a non-punchline. Oh, you mean the episode?

Starting point is 01:14:56 Because then people are gonna go, oh, someone's gonna say carnivore. Carnivore. Whatever I said that was awesome. I'm sorry that you were in the flow state. I know. And you just let it lose. You name it that, then they go, oh, here comes the carnivore. I'm not your manager. I'm not your manager. I'm sorry that you're in the flow state. I know Name it that then they got your manager should be the name. I'm not your manager. I'm not your manager Why was your generation so much meaner than you guys? First of all, we grew up in the fucking 70s and 80s. I grew up. Yeah, we didn't have fucking dads

Starting point is 01:15:19 We were mean and he's So nice me Billy fucking Norton, Colin, DePaulo. But you're gonna think, you guys were all so vicious back then, that now you guys all have weak chins, and we can't even joke around with you guys without you guys getting knocked out. Because my estrogen was low. You guys are like those old pride fighters

Starting point is 01:15:41 that went over there and just traded, and now their chin's gone. Bobby's chin is gone. You guys were just in old pride fighters that went over there and just traded and now their chin's gone. Their chin's gone. You guys were just in a bunch of wars and now we jab you and you go like, there we go. No, no, no, no, no. Fuck, fuck, fuck. It's like watching Tyson now. I know. Happens to me.

Starting point is 01:15:58 I tried busting balls with Jim about someone else recently, Norman at the cellar and he's like, I don't know. And I'm like, Jim, come on, we're going to trash this guy. And he's like, I don't know. I kind of like it like him doesn't like you oh he said that to me too yeah that's so weird you know what I'm gonna play it sounded like this that was good we should have Norton on yes I think Norton is the best third mic radio chimie podcast guy of all time I think

Starting point is 01:16:23 he's about yeah. All time. And his new standup special's coming out. It's out, so watch it. Norton is one of the fastest guns in the West. Oh, he's saying some shit to you that you go, it's so fast that you look down and you go, what the fuck? He's unbelievable.

Starting point is 01:16:37 Viciously funny and mean, yeah. It's kind of sad, when you think of Opie and Anthony, it was one stupid thing. All they had to do was fucking call each other and go, dude, why are you being a dick? And they would have worked it out. And they would have had a dynasty. Well, they were never really friends. That's really why.

Starting point is 01:16:51 Well, they could have been. At one point they could. Like, we're friends, so we'll get into an argument, a vicious argument, and then we all call each other and we fucking work it out as friends, because we would rather not do the show and be friends than fucking just coming for a paycheck. That's all they had to do, is call each other up. All they had to do was go, hey, man, what the fuck was not do the show and be friends than fucking just coming for a paycheck. That's all they had to do is call each other up. All they had to do was go,

Starting point is 01:17:07 hey man, what the fuck was that on the show? I don't know, you'd be in a, okay, and then you work it out. They never did that. They never did that. But Anthony has a new show now, right? He has a new show that Norton has been on a bunch of times. That's the happiest I've ever seen Jim

Starting point is 01:17:20 is when he's on that radio show with Anthony. He puts a picture and he's like. Yeah, I know. Cause they're funny together. They're unbelievable together. You really can't fuck. They're unfucking believable together. Yeah, Anthony, Anthony, Anthony's so funny.

Starting point is 01:17:32 I love Anthony. When he's not doing political shit, like it's like Anthony on Twitter, I'm like, I don't even know that guy. He tweets a lot. I try, he tweeted something funny that popped up. Anthony on my show, I'm like, I love, he's such a warm, sweet, so funny, and he doesn something funny that popped up. Who though? On my show, I'm like, I'm like, I love, he's such a warm, sweet, so funny,

Starting point is 01:17:48 and he doesn't try to be political. And when he comes on skanks, he's just, literally trying to be a fucking sniper in the room. But Anthony at your comedy show is the greatest self esteem, cause his laugh just fills you up with joy. Very loud, good laugh. He's a giver. Yeah, he's a giver.

Starting point is 01:18:02 That's why he's one of the great radio guys. He can really give. We did a live one with him. At the black loud all of us. Yeah, he was great Yeah, man, those old ones those old, you know what dudes? We should I think we should do every other week do a fucking classic edit Paco, you know Do anything Paco just edit together classics every other week. Yes, and that way we let the record this once no no Once a month. No, we do every other one And that way we'll have to record this once. No, no, no.

Starting point is 01:18:22 Yeah, once a month. No, we do every other week. Once a month is good. It's a new one. And then a classic. Classic, and we do once a month live. Or it comes out when it comes out. Look out, new regs.

Starting point is 01:18:32 Yeah, it comes out when it comes out. I'm just over here, not being anybody. I'm just over here, not being the timer guy no more. I'm just having fun. Let me smoke one of these. That's Dan's Bitches Bomb. That was pretty great. I don't know what it was what when you get married what's going on we gotta get

Starting point is 01:18:52 a wedding planner I don't know oh boy can I be the wedding planner no it's all audition to be his wedding planner how would we do it absolutely not I'm on the books for two more weddings I'll have officiated for wedding who else are you doing Ron on Tom Dustin? Whoa Jason? I don't know next summer Maybe married maybe we'll double weeks a woman. Maybe we'll double you. Come on. I'll be number five Burying Bobby cuz it would what a one it would be good

Starting point is 01:19:20 I have three Bobby fight two others others I did fuck out of here No, you two others and I almost had another one at skank fest named the people fell through I was gonna have I was gonna have four Thank you, buddy. Appreciate it. Sorry buddy. What's up? If I get married 100% What other weddings did you fuck? Yeah, name the people God when your fiance whoever did you maybe? Come up with something I did Joe Russell no job married Joe I married Joe Russell he did do just his wife that's so funny I thought somebody married or coffee guy he got a copy guy he's one of the producers of the show he's my stunt double somebody's married the guy who gets his coffee and a tremendous editor he's a great editor but

Starting point is 01:20:02 he has a great show the cheese Cheese Show, if you like cheese. I married him right over here, and then I was supposed to marry somebody else at Skankfest, that fell through. That doesn't happen, that doesn't count. You can't say I was old. That's not my fault though. I agreed and I was ready to rock.

Starting point is 01:20:14 Yeah, but you said three and you're still 41. Still 41. Still 41, 42. And then I married Michael Pickney. That's a fake name. It's not a fake name. Fuck you, it's a fake name. Michael Pickney? There's a Michael Pickney out here. That Ed Pickney. That's a fake name. Fuck you, it's a fake name. Michael Pickney?

Starting point is 01:20:28 Buddy, Michael Pickney is a friend of mine from Massachusetts. You don't know him. He might be dead. He goes to a different school. He's a model in Canada. There's no pictures from the wedding, dude. We did no pictures. No, dude. Every wedding was dark. No video. We went dark. No, I was at a park.

Starting point is 01:20:44 You hate parties in parks. I love parks. Well, you throw them. I do. Wow. I don't like it. I don't like them either. We're going to rent a boat. You guys want to go down?

Starting point is 01:20:52 What? I don't know. Lewis, take over. I don't know. I didn't think before I raised my hand. Why are you renting a boat? You know what? Thanks for admitting that.

Starting point is 01:21:00 We live next to Marina. That's a progress. And they got big sailboats. Marina Franklin? Yeah, I live next to Marina Franklin. Wow, she's And, um, they got boat. You can rent them. We'll go out for a day, a couple hours. I don't know. I'd be lovely. I did that. No, we should do. You can rent jet skis on the Hudson. That'd be sick. And they clean the hot.

Starting point is 01:21:15 No, they suck. They don't clean the Hudson. They cleaned it. I'm not being a no man right now. I'm just saying being on jet skis in the fucking Hudson river. It's cold, dude. It's just it's freezing cold. Summer. The water is freezing. It is not. Yes it is. How do you know? I threw up swimming in the Hudson. I swear to God I did. We used to jump off the Peony Bridge in Sunny Point New York into the Hudson River. What train is that? Don't score on me Michael. It might be PTSD. No I swear to God we would. We would swim in the Hudson River. Did you jump off a bridge so scarred he might go back to a repeat the sd uh... nice really would we was women at the rear

Starting point is 01:21:45 you show off a bridge in the river jimmy jumped off the top of further is is is is a clean river to the four yet right that's what i want to move it's a little so we were we we went to jet skis in uh... big bear california as well as cold water in your hands and face of the it sucks you need a fucking warm ocean where it got forget the jet skis that wasn't the fucking story or plan anyway, okay? Don't scream at us. We will not go on a boat. You're screaming. We're just adding

Starting point is 01:22:10 Now you're trying to come up with your own thing. I was not I was at it was dismissing I said jet skis are fun. It looks fun. They are fun. I Love a jet ski. I gotta find new friends this sucks Why are you being an asshole right? Maybe we got to find a new friend cuz maybe you suck Yeah, dude, the three of us are wrong and you're right. Are you your mom? No, no, you got Bobby is still I don't like more hours to tell his second story burns 45 minutes Like I got a good story and then Lewis like, that reminds me of some fucking menu.

Starting point is 01:22:45 Now what you're trying to do is drag me in. I agree with them. You being a little c***y. Oh, get out of here. The story, they punched it up. It was very funny. I know how to tell a story inside of YKWD. Thank you. Damn it. It died. Even the bell quit the puck. It went...

Starting point is 01:23:07 You're better than that, that. He's not. I'm not. Don't ever. Absolutely. Don't ever be shamed out of whatever that was. You have a nice dried. We smoke a cigar. No, let's smoke a cigarette.

Starting point is 01:23:15 I already let me smoke in his apartment. You can't. No, you can't smoke. He's moving out. That's why he doesn't care. Good luck. Moving up. Cause I got to do our podcast.

Starting point is 01:23:23 Do I have to do it today? I'm doing it care. Good luck. Moving up. Cause I got to do our podcast. Do I have to do it today? I'm doing it today at five 30. What's your travel? Puerto Rico. I did Jamaica already. You know that he's going down to South America traveling through it. It's not that safe. He did that during the pandemic while we were doing that 21 jump street podcast where we were Jay that 21 Jump Street podcast where Jay, Ari and I would watch 21 Jump Street on Zoom. And so there's an episode where all of a sudden he's just in the jungle. It's just a jungle behind him. He's like, the episode is pretty

Starting point is 01:23:54 good. And you're like, I don't think you should be doing this podcast in the middle of the fucking jungle. Sarah and I were the only ones that went and visited him. Oh yeah. What a fucking bonger you are. Yeah. What a fucking bummer you are. What? Hold on. You just shit yourself.

Starting point is 01:24:09 You just shit yourself. I just shit myself. You're just no fun. I just shit myself. You just shit your pants. I just shit my pants. What the fuck was that? Don't put that down.

Starting point is 01:24:17 Get back. Get back the way the camera is. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Oh, gross. There you go. Ah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh

Starting point is 01:24:34 Yellow and brown the original Bruins go bees. Oh, it stinks like ass Yeah, you guys all said you're gonna visit why I never said I was never said What are you gonna? Never even leaving my family to go visit you in a jungle? Sorry. Oh, I can't go on the road to a stand-up? He said that to me the other day. He's like, are you going to come visit me? I was like, no.

Starting point is 01:24:50 I'll be in New Hampshire in July. Portsmouth. Come visit me. I will. An hour away. We're spending the whole month in July. Yeah, we got to come. We'll come.

Starting point is 01:24:58 Okay. You're doing that club, right? Yeah. Or no, the music hall, whatever the fuck. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Beautiful. What's the restaurant in Rome that you love that's the best? What'd you say?

Starting point is 01:25:06 The restaurant in Rome. He says like the best pasta. Sbarro. Oh yeah. When are you going there tomorrow? I'm going July, in the end of July. Who are you taking? The whole family.

Starting point is 01:25:16 Me and my sister are talking again too. Hey! Hey, welcome back. That's good. I cornered her. I showed up and I opened her bedroom door. She was in her bedroom. I've done that to women. And then I was like, we're talking. And I just made her fucking I showed up and I opened her bedroom door. She was in her bedroom. I've done that to women.

Starting point is 01:25:25 And then I was like, we're talking. And I just made her fucking talk to me. Wow. You guys cool now? Yeah. Yeah, your sister rules. That's all it took. She's a lunatic.

Starting point is 01:25:33 Is she still skinny? I'm a fan of your sister. I'm a fan of the Gomez family in general. No, they're good people. Is she still skinny? My aunt's never gone to Italy. This is gonna be fucking incredible. We're doing three nights in Rome,

Starting point is 01:25:43 four nights in Venice on the beach, Lido Beach. Some real gelato. Yeah, yeah. This is gonna be fucking incredible We're doing three nights in Rome four nights in Venice on the beach Lido Beach some real gelato. Yeah What is it called? What's the place called? Give me the name because I gotta make a reservation now be beautiful country. It's my favorite place in the world Look how fat I was let me see. Let me see. I was holy shit. You look like Kingpin Look at me. Oh my god. I want a podcast, but I'm too big. I can't wait, in Rome we're staying like two blocks from the Vatican. Ooh, cacio e pepe in Rome.

Starting point is 01:26:14 Cacio e pepe. Get your dicks up, dude. Makes me want to go fucking back. That'll be sick, you going to the Vatican City? Yeah, we're going to the Vatican City. You're gonna see the American Pope? Yeah. He's like, yo, hey. He's like, go white sacks.

Starting point is 01:26:26 I'm sherry about everything. Dad's going to come back eventually. Have you ever taken a tour of the Vatican? No, but I would love to. And I mean it, the fucking coolest experience I've ever had. I love history, so I'd love to do that. I got a VIP tour because of Louie. Oh, that's sick.

Starting point is 01:26:40 Because a lot of times you can't talk inside of the Sistine Chapel. Louie's jerking off for the nuns. Oh, fuck, they have to be here. They took a great, they took a fucking pledge to God. And they took us in and we were allowed to talk. Sick. Oh, in the Sistine Chapel? You can't talk at all.

Starting point is 01:26:54 No pictures, no talking. We were allowed to talk because we were in there before the thing. Damn, did you guys do a whole podcast? You guys should have podcasted. I actually saw the Pope. Did you say great instincts? Acoustics.

Starting point is 01:27:04 When we went out to the yard, all of a sudden people just started running. I'm like, oh fuck, there's like a terrorist attack. And I looked and the Pope was out there giving his thing. Every Sunday? Waving, yeah. And I went over. You act like it's a special day. He's there every Sunday giving Mass.

Starting point is 01:27:18 I didn't know. Who the fuck knows? I didn't know. You had the Pope schedule in your home? I didn't know the Pope schedule. Well it's Sunday, it's when Mass is. Yeah, but I didn't know he gave it outside. You could do it on Saturday, sometimes they do Wednesdays.

Starting point is 01:27:28 Yeah, outside in front of thousands of people every Sunday. You could go to church on Wednesday too. This is why he's not a yes man, he's a negative. No, but. He's gonna make a nice story about the Pope negative. Who's dead now? Oh, what'd you say? Negative.

Starting point is 01:27:39 Okay. They would never let one be the Pope. I'm a negative Nancy. Oh no. What? I'm sorry, Garret. It's crazy to see the Pope. Yeah, that's not Pope live.

Starting point is 01:27:47 You saw Pope live in fucking 23. Crazy. And if you go there. This next one is called forgiveness. It's its own city, Vatican City. So I took, you can buy post, they have their own post office in the little square there. You can buy a postcard, mail it to somebody

Starting point is 01:28:03 and it's from Vatican City, which is pretty cool. That's sick. You said the least interesting thing about the Vatican City just now. I thought that was pretty interesting. I think that's really interesting. And I saw the Pope, again, missed their fucking negatives. Now, put your money where your asshole is,

Starting point is 01:28:15 and name us something more interesting than that Vatican City is its own place and has your head turned. So they have a seat that they put the Pope on, and it's got a hole in it, and it's because there was a pope for like two months that was a woman that pretended to be a man and now they check The Pope's genitals right before they swear him into be pope because it has to be a man. It's bullshit So we're gonna look it up look that up A guy going this

Starting point is 01:28:43 Reach under the chair. The papal chair also does. The dung chair. That is the most interesting thing I've ever heard. The chair's shape along with the legend of Pope Joan, the legend of Pope Joan fueled rumors that it was used to verify the gender of newly elected popes.

Starting point is 01:28:56 However, the Vatican archivist states the chair was originally a toilet or birthing chair. This is the toilet. That was used in the ritual served as a reminder of the Pope's morality and humane. It is interesting, but it doesn't take from the interestingness of Bobby's interesting fact. It's more interesting than the fact that you get a postcard.

Starting point is 01:29:14 He's a one-upper. He's an interesting taker. One-upper. Yeah. You should name your next special that. One-upper. One-upper. One-upper.

Starting point is 01:29:22 Huh? Yeah. Latin. Yeah, you can mail a postcard from there and also. Dude, I'd love to go see American Pope live. I've been to the Wailing Wall. I bet he rips. The Western Wall, Wailing Western Wall.

Starting point is 01:29:34 You know, a little country was born in 1776. They're like, he's doing it. 250th anniversary next year. You can have lunch there too. They have a whole room of maps in Remember that room like old maps before they just could they hand made these fucking maps? Oh 99% accuracy like the size of like just we're talking about fucking 50 feet high 150 feet across hand drawn by artists that were 99% accurate in the world today Does it show how far heart still is from white?

Starting point is 01:30:03 Does it show how far Hart's deal is from White Plains? You cannot yell at your friend's walking distance. I mean, such a cool, one of the cool experiences I've ever had, it was a four hour tour, I would have done an eight hour tour. Well, the actual Sistine Chapel, the thing. This is a fun game show by the way, Lewis and Bobby trying to one up. It's a good story, when you go with Louie though, you actually get to go down into the tombs. When, they do have catacombs oh yes a fucking one yeah it goes down like

Starting point is 01:30:27 brushes yeah they go down there's oh there's all the further you down you go the more difficult it is to get access yeah that's where that's where all the DaVinci code shit is yeah we went down to God level they call it god level and And they they actually I saw God You saw the shroud of Jesus Maybe the one with the face on it. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. They have that there. It's pretty wild. Are you lying to me? Yep Yeah, I saw a statue of the Virgin Mary cry blood Actually, oh my god, let me eat toast with Jesus. Bobby goes, you fucking just took mine. Bobby goes, why you gotta do two in a row?

Starting point is 01:31:10 Yeah, you're a piece of shit. You know what you are? You're a fucking comedy whore. You're not a team player. You're not a team player. You're a selfish comedy person. Bobby, we gotta leave. He goes, dude, I'm getting stigmata.

Starting point is 01:31:18 His hands are bleeding. Ah, dude. I want to do that. I want to tour the catacombs. I want a real tour. Yeah, but in Italy, the catacombs are the best. I want to do that. I want to do that. I want to tour the catacombs. His right hand is bleeding. I did. I want to do that. I want to tour the catacombs.

Starting point is 01:31:28 I want a real tour. Yeah, but in Italy the catacombs, there's a certain one you have to go to. The one they took all the bodies out. So that's cool. Queens of the Stone Age. There's one downtown that they actually have. I want to see all the red child bodies that are underneath the vagabond. You want to see the boy butt from over there?

Starting point is 01:31:44 We got some good boy about. This is fucking wild. This little boy asshole. This is a wild show. Little boy asshole. This is a good show. This is a good one. Cornbread, you are looking handsome.

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Starting point is 01:33:05 I think we might have hit our high water mark. Can we do a season? Yes! Seasons! Do a season. I'm telling you, this is what you do. We show up, we do like eight hours. That's two.

Starting point is 01:33:18 Wait, by the end we'd be so whacked out, you guys would be fist fighting, hit lose his voice hopefully. It would be great now hold on now hold on and then we just change outfits we smoke cigars tell gnome to suck our assholes because we want to smoke and then and then you put them out we could do this outside I would love that we can do an outside podcast that'd be be fun. That would be fun. We could do an outdoor regs. Yeah, where are we going to do it though? I would say Lewis' house. Joe's balcony?

Starting point is 01:33:47 Lewis' house? Yeah. We could just get a pool. We could get a backyard. You guys have a backyard. And you have a car. We could jump in the pool. We could smoke.

Starting point is 01:33:55 Me and you would take the train. Just find out what's up. Bring the baby. Bring Sarah. They'll go swimming. Oh my God. I did that once. It was a fucking freak show and these guys stiffed me.

Starting point is 01:34:03 Is this the ugliest people I've ever seen in my life? We're not going to a gas digital barbecue. It's crazy. It was like a leopard car. and these guys stiffed me. Is this the ugliest people I've ever seen in my life? We're not going to a gas digital barbecue. It was like a leopard colony out there. Joe calling it the ugliest people in the world. It was crazy. I opened the fence, I was waiting to see you guys. I was like, where's the...

Starting point is 01:34:19 I love when Joe gets caddy and honest. I was like, where's Bob? They're like, no Bob. I'm like, oh, okay. Now you know we feel like we went to your park balloon party. Sarah's like, 15 minutes tops, we're out of here. I'm like, all right, all right, we'll try. I'll come up with something.

Starting point is 01:34:30 That's so fucking funny. Joe's like, ugh, what are these uggas? At least my balloon party was comedians. He's got 48 interns. I've never even seen any of these people. Paco was there for Christ's sake. We had a good time. It was fun.

Starting point is 01:34:42 It was fun. He's Lewis. You go, let me tell you something about those ugly people. I'm not Bobby. I don't sit over the grill the whole time. I'm fucking grilling good. You mean cook for everybody and make sure everybody's happy? I order high quality. Everybody's fucking happy and has a fucking food in their mouth. I order high quality. You need to take care of my friends. I cook at your fucking birth. His stupid barbecue, I had to cook.

Starting point is 01:35:05 I was on the grill the whole time at his barbecue. Can I go now? No. Yes, go, please. I'm hot today. I order dope barbecue. Ugh, it's not a barbecue. I order dope.

Starting point is 01:35:17 That's a fucking ghetto barbecue. I order dope. That's not a ghetto barbecue. Ordering high quality barbecue. Cook for your people. It was the best barbecue I've ever had in New Jersey thanks buddy damn Danny's on it god damn right Danny Danny's not trying to get Danny was there he's never been to my barbecue with the steak tips when you show up at a cookout and you say thank God Danny

Starting point is 01:35:35 Braff is here okay we got Danny how did Danny, is it the little one or the big one? The big one. The big brown one. It's a lot of coffee. Old Bobby would throw this in his lap. Yeah, dude, you gotta cook for your people. Yeah, those steak tips you always cook. No, Bobby's steak tips. And the ice cream stand on my birthday. Buddy, I fucking.

Starting point is 01:35:58 I had wicked diarrhea and that pull door used to have your guest bathroom. Yeah. That was terrible. I had to hold that door against Keith's stroke arm. I can't open the door. I was like, I'm pooping in here, Keith. He's like, I have the door stuck.

Starting point is 01:36:12 I was like, god damn it. I just leak it out of my asshole. You should use the bathroom in my back room. I wasn't going to shit in your bedroom. You had a cookout that changed my whole life, because Rachel brought her a little baby, and we had fun. It was her first swim. And then I was like, let's have a baby that night.

Starting point is 01:36:24 Really? Straight from your house. You cream's that for baby that night? Really? You cream pie'd your wife that night? I cream pie my wife every night, but And then eat it. Ah, you're so gross Is that really why you decided to have a kid? That was when yeah I have photos of that day if you want. It was sweet. I've wrestled James I let him tap me and he still brags about it and I'm like you fucking homo. I let you win Smack him. I can't wait till the next time you see James. He's like 17. He goes. Oh, so I let you tap me and he still brags about it. And I'm like, you fucking homo, I let you win. I'm gonna smack him.

Starting point is 01:36:45 I can't wait till the next time you see James. He's like 17 and he goes, oh, so I let you, you let me win, huh? I just saw a photo of those two kids at that party this morning on my phone. Oh, I sent it to you. Yeah, oh yeah, they're so little goofy. They're so cute.

Starting point is 01:36:57 They're cute and goofy. But now they're like. That's why I let them win. Like if you see James and Max now, it's. What's up, what's up, dad? Yeah, what's up? I wanna tell you something about James. He is such a nice kid. I remember that party, cause we drove up to the toy store,

Starting point is 01:37:09 we stopped at a toy store to get Max a gift. And then I secretly bought James something and I put it in the trunk. Remember that? We were driving home and I was like, James- Why secretly? Because James was really good about Max opening presents and stuff.

Starting point is 01:37:20 I was like, James, you were super cool about Max opening presents. I got you something in the trunk. And he was like- What a fucking ass kisser. Why is that? That was really, I thought that was a mess. Good kid. And James was like James you were super cool about Mac's open presents I got you something in the trunk and he was like what a fucking ass kisser Why is that those really those a kid of skank it and James was like, you know what dude? I'm James was like this. He was like, yeah, I really appreciate that. I was like, this is a good kid It's a really good kid. Yeah, so

Starting point is 01:37:35 Ask is it no, dude. I got it. I get you a present cuz you're good buying your other kid Yeah, that was cool. I'll tell you the well damn that I'll say this is this is a You watched The Other Kid. Yeah, that was cool. I'll tell you who the best kid. Well, Dan, I'll say this is a trait of Dan. Dan's such a nice guy that he knew that he'd be hanging out with James, and he didn't want James to go.

Starting point is 01:37:51 It's really commentary on how nice Dan is. It's true. Dan's a good guy. I was just trying to give James something nice. So you make commentary about himself and how great he is. No, I was just saying I had a good time then. And James was a good kid. He was very appreciative. right very appreciate your negative Nancy

Starting point is 01:38:05 Whoa turn it around Louis Your negative right now the way you presented that why you presented Bobby you honestly Bobby you're acting real sick on a whale tour right now How's that cookie It was okay. No, I wish I could just eat cookies. You can eat a cookie. Here, have my scrap. I literally can. I'm filming a special in a month and I'm too fat.

Starting point is 01:38:30 Are you gonna be sexy for your special? I wanna be as good looking as possible, yeah. I'm fat in mine and it's doing great. I wanna be as physical, I wanna feel, chose a real lumpy piece of shit. I can't even watch Kill Box. I can't either. You can't fit in either.

Starting point is 01:38:44 I can't. What kill box. I can't either No, it's not that I want to be good-looking I want to be as fit as possible I get that it's story comes from fucking you know, you still feel good. You want to fucking be physically I look at kill box and I am looks like you're in a fat suit It comes from fuckin', you know, you feel good. You wanna fuckin' be physically and mentally healthy. I look at Killbox and I am, I almost cry. Looks like you're in a fat suit. It's, I swear to God it does. Now seeing how good you look, it looks like you climbed in.

Starting point is 01:39:13 The side shot that I wanted, cause I wanted to see, you know, I was like, I wish I never. Yeah, really? It's that leather jacket that was like so hard to get, cause it's so much, so much cow. It was a whole cow. It was like so hard to get because it's so much so much cow it was a whole cow it was like six we got a tie we have to sew together three cows dude he goes well mister I can sell you the whole damn cattle but well I don't know if you're gonna get a coat for a

Starting point is 01:39:35 fella that big and that t-shirt was a double a triple X tall Bobby gave the coat to the top baseball cards as inserts yeah Yeah, they made $17,000. For everyone else, they asked for two pieces of clothing, but because Bobby gave them such a big jacket, they only needed one. That's really funny. They go, it's our new home office. Let Danny laugh at his own joke. Go ahead, Danny. It wasn't a joke, it was a funny thing that happened. That'd be a joke.

Starting point is 01:40:01 Where's Stavros? Second row, middle, dead center, out of the... That's not Stavros. God damn it. That's not Stoflake. God damn it. That's not Stoflake. That's not Stoflake.

Starting point is 01:40:10 That's not Stoflake. Such a big... You guys want to talk about my special? It's climbing the charts. Yeah, go watch Small Ball. What does yours look like? From Zany's Rosemont. That's fucking awesome.

Starting point is 01:40:20 Pull it up, Small Ball, get me another view, would you? Small Ball on YouTube. How many people fit in that club? Rosemont I think is like we killed seats was probably like 250 to 60 and then Zanies I think is I don't know hundred maybe what did you do two different places yeah from places yeah you didn't film them two different places did you yeah did you go back and forth yeah so you did the the split shot in the opening yeah but then I was just I had it on while I was getting ready

Starting point is 01:40:46 So I didn't wasn't like watching like it go back. So it goes back and forth, but not a lot It goes back like I don't know four times. What's the first shot? What is the the the cover of it? Show it show the opening. It's a cool open. Who's hold on. Who's that? Who's YouTube channel is this like who's my age? No, whose page are we watching? Danny's Danny only got 40 minutes in. Did you see where it was stopped? Funny. 40's pretty good.

Starting point is 01:41:10 You watched the first 10 seconds of it. No, I watched almost the whole thing. All right. I'm gonna watch the whole thing. See, look, it's like a little artistic journey, you know, you got this thing. It's a beautiful shot. Beautiful.

Starting point is 01:41:20 Well, that room is very cinematic. I don't wanna sound like a, you know, whatever. You guys are gonna be like, what a fucking doge, but look how beautiful it is very cinematic. I don't want to sound like a, you know, whatever. You guys are going to be like, what a fucking doge, but look how beautiful it is. Yeah. I like, I like just the, the, the crowd ambiance before they bring you up. And that's just the beginning.

Starting point is 01:41:31 It's good. Yeah. And they did this thing. They did a cool. You're going to do a whole sketch? No sketch. No, I'm not sure what we're going to do. What is the- Bobby's going to decide what we do.

Starting point is 01:41:38 We have a month out, Bobby. You gave me no notes on the latest version. Oh, I know that. I've gotten high in that alley. Buddy, don't, don't do this. I got it. All right, we're good. No notes on the latest one. All right, dude, you want to do this the intro you we have no Not the intro. You got it. I already do Special

Starting point is 01:41:57 You watch now look and then it will push over it's they did a fun little thing is that room and then Wow That's why I would come back to that room. It's beautiful, Sean. It's nice. Oh, thank you. So wait a minute, is it, is it, is it two different? It's both. Okay.

Starting point is 01:42:12 Yeah, so we cut back. That's the small room. But this is the most amount of cuts at the beginning and then you kind of just. Oh yeah, it looks like a classic, classic night of comedy. It's beautiful, yeah. So one is blue and one's red. Yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 01:42:22 I suppose so. All right. And yeah, there you go. you go you did you like one show better well Rosemont's just so much better best clubs in the country yeah as much as I like downtown Zany I feel like you never kill in that you know I brought Katie with me because her brother lives in Chicago last time I did downtown Zanys I broke Katie with me once I'll kill you Wow and then she said fucking call my wife fuck talk about her

Starting point is 01:42:45 Come on. Give me gonna Day with your wife stand up stand up for your lady me and Katie we lady in the tramp Bobby's I'll take that for that that trade-off is well No, but she said in the back of the room, it's harder, the laughs don't carry. That's why it doesn't clap back to you. And the stage is too high. I hate a high stage. The way the stand upstairs sucks, that's why that one's up here. All the best clubs have a stage that's like a foot off the ground.

Starting point is 01:43:18 Yes. Don't you agree? Side splitters? Yes. Well, side splitters is high, but it's not that high. I don't know, no, side splitters is great. Side splitters is a perfect room. We're changing the whole side splitters though Yes. Well, side splitters is high, but it's not that high. No, it's not that high. No, side splitters is great. Side splitters is a perfect room. We're changing the whole side splitters, though.

Starting point is 01:43:28 You guys are? They're painting the wall. Don't tell them anything. Oh, I'm sorry. What are you fucking yamming, asshole? Swassick is everywhere. No. We're changing it.

Starting point is 01:43:37 Edit. Yeah, we're going to change the look of the club. And hopefully the club keeps it. Not where the stage is, though. The stage is going to be where it is. but the look of the club needs to change is it gonna have Bobby Jules helmet on there from what's that school in Staten Island oh no no that's cool war it's W Wagner Wagner well I'm glad we did that that was a good ten seconds of Wagner but yeah low stage is the best. But yeah, Zanies. I don't know where I want to

Starting point is 01:44:09 shoot mine. I wanted to do comedy connection so bad. It looks so good. I'm telling you, you can make it look different. Bobby Kelly in London. Why are you obsessed with London? What do you get? Is this from big London? I was there a couple weeks ago. You're in big London's pocket and it was awesome. What do you mean big London? Here's some ideas. I'm going to throw out some ideas. Go ahead. You're in Big London's pocket. And it was awesome. What do you mean? Here's some ideas. I'm gonna throw out some ideas. Go ahead. Comedy on.

Starting point is 01:44:28 I'm gonna say yes or no. Comedy on state. No. The stand. No. Downstairs. Never. Comedy works.

Starting point is 01:44:34 Back to the village. Comedy works, what? No. Back to the village underground. Oh, Jay did they them there. They barely fucking use me. They should use you. The seller?

Starting point is 01:44:41 Can't do the seller, no. Village underground again. No, I've already done it. Feel like Village Underground shot to death. To go old school, do comic strip. No. Burlington Comedy Club. No.

Starting point is 01:44:52 Burlington Coat Factory. Whoa! How fun would that be? Can I say something though? Maybe it's not in a club, maybe it's in a thing. Coat Factory. Maybe it's in a thing. I like that.

Starting point is 01:45:01 Maybe Donut Pub. Ooh. Didn't you do that? There's a new Donut Pub. You know, they opened it up on like 23rd Street now or something like that. 23rd and what? 23rd and what?

Starting point is 01:45:09 Where's the new Donut Pub? Maybe it's not 23rd. It's over on Broadway. It's too pretty now. It's on Broadway. 23rd and Broadway? I like the old one. The old one.

Starting point is 01:45:15 Remember I used to take you guys to Donut Pub? Yeah, with Magic Mike. After my show. Magic Mike with the old magician there. I didn't give you any merch money, but I gave you as many donuts as you could eat. Bobby didn't know exactly when the donuts were coming out. I did. Donut Pub on. 3.41 a. Bobby didn't know exactly when the donuts were coming out. I did.

Starting point is 01:45:25 Donut Pub on... 3 41 A.M. Brand new donuts. Hot donuts, kid. 14th and 9th? Hot donuts. Was that the old one? 14th and 9th.

Starting point is 01:45:33 Between... Between... What about Sesh? Where you came and did my show, remember? Between 6th and 7th. That one on Broadway is about to get... The one on Broadway is too pretty, dude. Yeah, the one...

Starting point is 01:45:44 No, 7th and 8th is 14th between 7th and 8th. S is too pretty, dude. Yeah, the one, no, seventh and eighth is 14th between seventh and eighth. Sesh Comedy Club. Remember? Oh, the other one's nice. The basement. Damn, I watched it. The one you did my room with Tom Dustin in the basement. Sesh rules.

Starting point is 01:45:54 No, it's too weird. You're too weird. That's crazy. That little tiny room. You're alternative. I'm not that in that fucking genre. Oh yeah, I'm very alternative. My fans have kids and shit.

Starting point is 01:46:02 They're going to get babysitters and then go to Chinatown and find parking in a weird place. That's your vibe It's a room. I know you idiot. I'm like, New Jersey No, it's a rich milk Dennis Miller's brother. Yeah Miller who sounds exactly like a yeah. Hey, but the stress factory could be good That's a great in the middle of never do that and I would never cut you off like that Anyways, he booked Matt Wayne, my opener, my buddy, years ago for a gig, and he's like, oh my god, this is so exciting, I can't wait for this. Is it fun, it's a fun show?

Starting point is 01:46:30 And he goes, it's an idiot room, take the money and run. That's great. He said anyways. I'm busy. I'm busy. I'm busy. Anyways. Anyways. I was really going around the table today.

Starting point is 01:46:49 Listen, audience loved it. How about this? Anyways, every company is going to be like, I love the idiot. It's so funny to end the story. Comedy Connection. They have a theater, maybe do the theater. Who has a theater? Comedy Connection Rhode Island has a brand new theater.

Starting point is 01:47:02 Why don't you just do the comic section? You keep going back to comic. We're trying to help you dismiss I'll be coriolis special to change the way it looks. No, I love the way it looks To change the way his look no, he's doing his whatever. All right, how about this victim? Just me a Mopi victim Nick's comedy stop. Whoa This is horrendous. How about how about Kalu's? It's first of all, it's Kowloon. Kowloons.

Starting point is 01:47:28 It's no S, it's Kowloon. Don't shoot your special at a place that has a detail cop. They literally need a cop in the room. You should pick a small fucking theater. In any cool town. In any cool town. Oh God. But I've never shot a special in Boston or Massachusetts.

Starting point is 01:47:45 Shoot it in Boston. Find a small theater in Boston. You know I did Tampa, I did New York. Yeah, you should absolutely do one in Boston. Man, Rhode Island would have been the place because it's that middle ground. Get fucking over it or do it. He's right. All right, fucking. He's right. Jesus. Old Bobby. Old Bobby's right. I'm not doing it there. Convocation rules. I feel like Corey and Dave can talk you into it. Pete beat me. That's you. Just do it.

Starting point is 01:48:10 Then you'll have the best, you can beat him. As an impression guy, he's doing a perfect impression. What's an independent man doing boss in the soap? He's not doing me, that's not me. He's doing a perfect impression. Don't try to antagonize. You're not gonna work, you're too nice. You buy presents for people that don't deserve them.

Starting point is 01:48:21 What about the garden? James deserved that. Do, you know, Dennis' show. Just do an hour. Yeah, in front of 17,000 people? Yeah. That'd be great if I did that. Didn't somebody do that?

Starting point is 01:48:31 Somebody was opening for somebody at the garden. No, somebody was opening for somebody at the garden. John Mulaney's opener black guy, I forget his name. Seaton Smith. Yes. Yeah, Seaton Smith is Seaton Smith, Madison Ward Garden wife. And it was just opening for him, and he just

Starting point is 01:48:44 filmed a half hour special. That's crazy It was pretty hilarious because it's ridiculous looking It's also just like I don't want people sitting down during my special like finding their seats in the middle of my act How about Danny just goes John Mulaney's opener black guy? Jesus that's how his brain works. Come on See was it Seaton Smith? He actually saved he got my phone off the tracks for me when I got attacked by the guy with the knife. Because the guy kicked my phone out of my hand, it went onto the tracks, and I was like, my phone,

Starting point is 01:49:11 he's like, I'm gonna kill you. I'm like, I know, but my phone, I don't know how to get that. Just get a new one. And I went over to the lady and the lady said. You're not gonna need a phone where you're going. There's no reception at hell. The lady goes, you have to wait for the guy. I'm like, what?

Starting point is 01:49:24 She goes, there's a certain guy that can go on the tracks. I have to call him, it's gonna reception at hell. The lady goes, you have to wait for the guy. I'm like, what? She goes, there's a certain guy that can go on the tracks. I have to call him, it's going to take an hour. So I'm like, fuck. So I'm going back down. I don't know where my phone is. I don't have a phone.

Starting point is 01:49:33 Seat and Smith was there. I was like, dude, can you call my phone? And he called it and we tracked it down. Tracked it down, fucking train joke. Love it. Love it. And then We're standing that's right there on the other side of the third rail and I'm like dude. I got a bad knee

Starting point is 01:49:55 He's like what I go. I got my knees kind of fucked up. Okay, I'm not gonna do any goes mother No, he goes he goes motherfucker and he just jumps down Goes over grabs the phone and as he's coming back real And it cuts his body in half. He's like, oh, body, don't let him move, the train ride. As he's coming back, I go, yo, man, my wallet was on it too. He's like, motherfucker, you gotta stop, go back, grab my little magnet wallet, and he got up, and he jumped right back to fuck up, bing, bing. He's an athlete.

Starting point is 01:50:22 He's an MMA guy. Dude, he's an athlete. That would be a good fight. You versus Seaton. I'll destroy Seaton. No, you think so? I don't know. He's an athlete. He's an MMA guy. That would be a good fight. You versus Seaton. I'll destroy Seaton. You think so? I don't know. He's from DC dude. Seaton would just kick his legs like Eddie in Tekken. No, no. He's big and he's been doing MMA for a long time. And he's really... Quietly. He's not one of these guys that's like, oh, I fucking defeated him. I boxed today. Okay. My girlfriend can't do karate but you should see her box.

Starting point is 01:50:43 That's fun. That's a fun joke. I'm starving. My girlfriend's a kleptomaniac. You should see her snatch. I gotta wrap up. I gotta babysitter. You gotta wrap up in eight minutes. Yeah, it takes us eight minutes. We don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. What we're gonna do is we're gonna wrap up the show and Pablo's gonna get Pablo Pablo fucking Pablo Pablo Picasso great bit He's from Spain that's the whole thing He's like because you know because that Italian hey, he's like Pablo. Oh, yeah, that makes sense Hey, Paco is gonna get another date from us on the books. So we don't have another crash out There's no big deal. I leave all of July. Yeah, I'm out all of August.

Starting point is 01:51:26 I'm out for a decent amount of July too. I'm going August. Wait, well my voices are dormant. Dude, we do a season. I like that idea. September to fucking June. That's what they did with Seinfeld. I'm obsessed with this television program Seinfeld.

Starting point is 01:51:39 They took half the year off. Why don't we get Seinfeld on the show? Oh, you'd be like, Bobby is gay. What's the deal with Bobby? I'm not your fucking manager. No, no, no, it's White Plains. Is it White Plains? Is it the other one?

Starting point is 01:51:52 I don't know. We get a studio we can smoke in. I love it. Why don't we get a studio? We can all, we can get a studio, my brother. We studio, we can smoke in. Studio, studio, studio. We have 17 fucking ads.

Starting point is 01:52:04 We should be making $30,000 each. Yeah, I agree. Right? Fuck yeah. Yeah, let's make that. And then we got the sketches. We got to knock the sketches out. Why don't we just start making more money?

Starting point is 01:52:13 If we make $20,000 each. We got our cologne line coming out. Yeah, let's do the regs. Smell like all the different regs. With Z? Don't do it. Don't even think about it. Suck on it, you fucking dirty slut.

Starting point is 01:52:23 How? That was crazy. That hurt my finger. Good. I gotta match your face to my ass. Don't ruin that cigar with that lighter, you'll ruin it. You gotta use a torch. I have one.

Starting point is 01:52:32 We'll smoke after. You guys are gonna smoke after, we're powering. We're rapping. We gotta rap. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. That's Bobby. And it tells and it yells a lot. Welcome everybody to the Wild Wild West,

Starting point is 01:52:45 a state that's a touchable like Elliot Ness. Wow, that was queer. Danceholder.com for live shows. Lewisofskanks.com, come see me on the Bring 5 Friends Tour, ending this year, this is it, the end of the year. Punch Up Live! Next year's gonna be the Bring 9 Friends Tour.

Starting point is 01:53:01 It would've went better. Added 2,000 emails. Punch Ups on live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates and make sure you like, subscribe, comment, do all that stuff on the videos for us would you? You pieces of shit. Small ball YouTube. Come see everyone live, support the show. We're gonna, I'm telling you right now, I'm gonna push this European run with the boys. Amsterdam, Dublin, London. Be fantastic. Be so much fun. Why not Italy?

Starting point is 01:53:28 Because we don't have fans. Yeah, you gotta go to places where they speak English. Dude, they're fucking doing shows in Italy. We'll go to Italy just so we can all fuck, but then we'll go to the other places for shows. Just suck and fuck at the Vatican? Oh, oh. Why don't you perform at the Vatican?

Starting point is 01:53:40 That's where you do your specials, dude. Whoa, live at the Vatican, dude. Bobby Kelly live. Bobby Kelly live in God's lap. I'll come up in that ball chair. Oh, shit. I'm a dude, I swear. Dude, check it, I'm a dude.

Starting point is 01:53:49 Am I a dude? Then I go. That's the name of the special. I'm a dude. I'm a dude. Check me. I'm a dude. I got to piss.

Starting point is 01:53:57 We love you guys. Oh my god, I was one minute away. Love you, bye. Bye.

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Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - I’m Not Your Manager! | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #39

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