Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - It's a Mohawk, You Dummy

Episode Date: May 27, 2013

Robert is joined by Vine sensation Ry Doon, Monroe Martin and Kelly Fastuca.  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid.

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Am I really that's there a typical where I can only function to a beat? I want to get this out of the way real fast right at the beginning. Make sure you check out twiek.io.com. Use the code word dude. Buy a few pairs of headphones for you and your friends and your family. 33% off. 33% off. Free shipping. Check out our page on Amazon and GameFly.

Go to GameFly.com slash YKWD, two free weeks. That's right, two free weeks, like the Netflix of gaming. And make sure you check out our friend, Daniel LeBel, has a new CD. It's available on iTunes and Amazon. It's called Daniel LeBel, some kind of comedian. Make sure you check it out. I like to help these guys out. Let people know about comedians that you would know about. Young guys that are coming up,

been in the business for a while. I want to make sure that you guys know about good comics. And that way you can help them out, promote them, and you guys, that's a fucking truck going by while I'm doing this. Fuck anyways check it out Daniela Bell's new album on iTunes and Amazon some kind of comedian and make sure you follow all the people on these shows on the Twitter and on the Facebook and go to this shows live because that's what we do we're comedians we want you to show up and see what we really do we're just stand up comedy appreciate it again thanks you know what you talk too much I dude. I know. I know.

Alright, here we go. Intro for... That was a fucking somebody out front. Who doesn't have a driver fucking standard? Grinding the gears. Well, I do my intro. So, there you go. Anyways, it's a Mohawkia dummy. This one is really interesting and fun. We had Louis J. Gomez. Was there? Correct? Who was there? Yeah. Oh, we had Ryan Dunn, Monroe, and Kelly Fistuka. Alright, don't talk on the fucking show. Shut up! Shut up!

Just don't! Seriously! Whoa! Shut up! Don't... Can't talk! Oh god, I can't. Anyways, Ryan Dunn, young comic from Boston, Boston kid, and I hit on Vine. You know, this new Vine video app that everybody's getting into. Again, everybody hated. Why do you do that?

Fucking Anthony, Norton, every fuck that. And now they all have their own Vine accounts and they're doing the little funny videos once they learn how to do it. But it is. It's a very fun app and one of my favorites is Ryan Dune. Ryan Dune, on Vine. And we had him on the show. He came out of it from Boston to do the show, which was awesome. Very funny guy. Reminds me of a young Dan Cook. I'm kidding.

I said that because the kid who hates when I mentioned Dane's name every episode that he said I did and it bugs him. So if you're still listening, it was a great episode. Monroe, new guy on the show, really loving having him on. He's very funny, very talented. Kelly just still got this one's a good one it was a real fun fun episode so make sure you check it out follow right right noon on vine Monroe new guy Twitter follow please follow him let him know you you heard him on the YKWD podcast and of course Kelly just still got so check it out it's a Mohawk you dummy and my my wife is on from it, but whatever.

You know, I don't let her talk on the show. Shut up! Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton, this is Dennis Liri. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Kreiser. Staying cookin', you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? You know what, dude?

I know what, dude! Ify bippy-by-y, ify bippy-boo. Dippy-dippy-dry-y, you have a dab of dew. Dude! This is Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what I'm eating? You know what I'm eating? You know what I'm eating?

You know what I'm eating? You can get a little freestyle, a little terrible freestyle going on. How was it? How's it going? What? Do it again. Do it again. Look at it.

Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. I can't jump. I don't think we're a rap but I just want to laugh. Just connecting with you. That's rap. You got to try it. Just try it. That's racist

What about rap somebody else's stuff? Just try to make up a song for the YKWD also a down ready go Come on Come on Failure What's that? What's that we look like when he do? Oh shit? All right here. We are YKWD Sunday Mother's Day edition We're here at the studio hanging out with Kelly Fistuka. Hi, mate. Sometimes we eat isn't it? It's weird for you

It's weird for me. I'm working. No one was sweating it up with avocado on my face. Waiting tables. And your mouth too. And your mouth too. People have found out where I work, by the way. People that listen to the show have found out. I'm not going to say, I'm going to say, people have emailed me and they're like, do you look at this store?

I think because once Colin was like, because Colin lives across the road and he was like, I come in and he says hello to me. And he was too graphic about where it was once Colin was like, because Colin lives across the road and he was like, I come in and he says hello to me. And he kind of was too graphic about where it was. So please don't come in and embarrass me. Why? Because they're an abron. They don't embarrass you. They don't, you embarrass yourself

by not being better comic and not getting out of that job. I know I've been three years enough. Actually, I want you all to go down there to fucking force her to get sick of it. And it's a plate. You'll have to be right better jokes And then I'll put my fingers in your drink. We great. What are you gonna do? Yeah? Smell like your roommates pussy Paprika and Indian food Speaking of pussy

Oh God. Paprika and Indian food. Speaking of pussy. Oh. Oh. Call me a pussy or am I like her? I don't know, just wait and see you to just get a black on the wood pussy. Well, when Rose back taking over Dan's side as a.

What's up? What's going on? I can't, my voice is not as deep as his. He has like a Chinese movie, double over voice. It's awesome. I don't have it. I have a very it. I'm very white Not white. I have the black dude

Who tries to be white voice? That's what I have and Monroe shut you face shut up Shut up stupid and we got a very very special a very special guest Yeah, fairie in me. Shut up. He's a dance soda. That's key. That's what I mean. You just did a key to Robinson. Do it with voice.

Do it again. Shut up. You're a fairie in me. It actually sounds like Rachel Feinstein doing keys to Robinson. It's easy to do someone's voice when it's someone else in person. Any of the voice.

Yeah. We have a very special guest, who I literally just met for the first time today, face to face. I don't know what I, I fucked up. I'm sorry. Fan for the fucking podcast. I'm sorry Ryan. I'm sorry. I'm sorry fucking Monroe.

I'm sorry Kelly. I fucking threw my phone on the computer and When we started I threw fuck off man. Yeah, so much a cold We're talking about who killed the Kennedys listen first of all it wasn't gold. It was maybe Maybe silver Close to bronze I was killing it personally.

I was feeling the flow. Ryan, I literally, Ryan Dune is our guest, which we have to do all over again, which is, you know, fuck me. You get the intro beatboxing thing? I did. All right, that's cool. Thank God, that was our organic,

because we didn't know he was recording. Right. That's what. Thank God that was our organic because we didn't know he was right there. That's what I do. Ryan is is is is a from Boston. He's a are you a stand-up? Yeah. I I'm fresh very fresh. How fresh. Two months. Yeah. So I'm still enjoying it. Two months. I did my first open mic over each woo I'm even going to look over there yeah you guys want me to leave the way he just said yeah I'm still enjoying it turn around turn around yeah we want you to do the podcast from the other side of the career

yeah I knew we have an open mic chair on the other side with a lapel mic. Yeah, you see, it gets it with me. Two months isn't bad, dude. I did my first open mic over a year ago, and got scared away for a year. I literally was done, I was just met with silence the whole time, which is normal, which is like, I don't know what's supposed to happen. Because you know funny, like, you don't get a gig. Stop, stop, Stop one second.

Uh, no, that's not. Uh, name, Billy, Patrice, me, all funny the first time up. All right. Well,

maybe it's a fucking clue, Kelly. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, maybe it's a signpost. I know I'm kidding. Oh my God. Before best comics in the world. Yeah. Come on, go ahead.

Well, you started, you did comedy. What was the last time you just stand up? I did stand up, uh, I'm kidding. My full best comics in the world. Yeah. Come on, go ahead. You started, you did comedy. When was the last time you just stand up? I did stand up, uh, is it Thursday? Thursday? Oh no, I had to, uh, fucking study for finals on Thursday. I had, I did stand up on Wednesday. I did four, I did four, four mics on Wednesday.

Four mics? Yeah, one was booked. Well, a booked up on my, I thought it was an actual gig, but then I found out it was a booked open mic. Yeah mic I thought it was an actual gig, but then I found out it was a booked open mic Yeah, I wrote in Boston That one I did Three shows in New Hampshire actually all right Then one like late night Boston won pretty much just to get some minutes in like there's no one there

But you tiny mocks in New York yet. I have not oh man. Hello. You here for tough. You'd be gone for another year No one there it's This this is the open Really not in comics now they'll walk out they woke out there on their fine They didn't get it like who's he's also and they will go away. It's fucking brutal. I've never done an open mic Really never know because it didn't exist That I mean okay, let me take that back. I did an amateur night. Yeah, okay, which is what it was where you'd sign up at the I did an amateur night, which is what it was, where you'd sign up at the catcher rising star in Harvard Square, and you'd wait six months, eight months

to get on, and then you'd come down, you'd have five minutes, and then that was it. And then what you did was in Boston, what we would do is go hang out at the Collins. I'll go hang out at Bill Ricken 99. It was a real show, It wasn't an open mic But you'd get five minutes and it was like me Dane Billy and

We fucking legend crazy like yeah, just you know when I started out like you could fucking out But me yeah, I remember I'm the first time I met Billy He was like really now you guys do like I do radio show. I'd love to have you on. I go, you gay? He goes, what? I go, you're queer, and it's cool. I'm cool with that, you gay. I get queer.

I think he was fucking hitting on me. That was good looking Bob, yeah. Oh, yeah, I've seen pictures. This one's fucking awesome. I've actually googled for pictures of you with six packs. Six packs. And long, less slots. I have not really found anything.

Got any on your phone, you could. I have one of my mother. I have one that my mother had to sell it. I have one that my, there's one downstairs at the cell. Oh, hey God. I have one that my mother has that I took when I was a lifeguard. And it's me with my lifeguard shorts on,

and a towel of my head, and I'm just flexing, and I'm just shredded, and I'm just pointed towards his guard, and I'm trying to just, and I look gorgeous. I'm like a hassle-hoff man. I'm like a ripped. Yeah, I remember when we first started, we did those with Jim David, and then we go down to Nixon Town and wait to get on,

but you'd be watching Steve Sweeney and Gavin and Yannetti and you know all these, you know, noxies. Yeah, all those guys would be going on. No, it's Tom. Is it Tom? I'm so bad. I fear when I was angry too. But yeah, we'd have, we'd wait to go on. And then, you know, one of us would get up. Like, Burr would get up.

And then Patrice got up. And then, you know, one of us would get up, like, Burr would get up, and then Patrice got up, and then, you know, and then, uh, and then Dane, and then, you know, then me, and then all of a sudden we would just there, and we would just up every night. Yeah, it was pretty fast track. We, we became like, I don't know if it was the time or the way it was back then, like, there was no, you didn't have to bring anybody, you were the funny, you weren't. So it filtered out non-funny people.

Non-funny people didn't get a shot. You got one shot and then you were done. You never invited back, go fuck yourself. You're not getting on. And then it was just, yeah, but now that you guys, I feel bad for comics, like real comics with potential,

because you're surrounded by shitty, unfunny people that take up space because they're welcome now because they can bark or do many work and they get in with the people. That didn't happen back then. Very real. There was always that one person that did it, but very rarely did. You had to be funny to stick around. That was always a good thing about comedy then because it was a natural selection of getting

rid of those assholes. But now, this club's only make their money by making comics perform for free Right, because they bark and there's one of a particular thing in love Yeah, and they don't pay anybody and I can't get up on there because I won't sacrifice five hours of my Saturday night to Seat audience members to then get a seven-minute spot at a midnight show on a. If the show doesn't get canceled on that's the evolution of a comic though that's the limit. It's not that is what makes you not do it which makes you get better which makes you become to get regular gigs. That's that's what you should be doing. We didn't have to do that in Philly like we we didn't really have open mics. We had showcases. Yeah, actual audience and then when I came here it was just it's New York. Yeah, but it's New York though

This is where they all come that's what you should do you should stay home in your hometown become good Yeah, until you're a headliner or at least you could headline and then you moved to New York all of a sudden Now you're just a new guy But you got 45 minutes of killer shit You've been working on for five six years back in your hometown So the second you get your opportunity to bam. And they're like, who the fuck is this? And then you stupid see it, all these fucking assholes.

Because you're not, you know, when you, people that make the mistake of coming here to become a comic, you're a new, you're a New York new person. You're a New York, yeah, they once they see it, I've seen you for three years, you're all right, you're getting better. But if you stay home, become a killer. Come to New York and it's a new girl. Well, it's the putter on stage and you're fucking annihilate

because you've been killing for six years. You know how to fucking get on. And then they're like, who the fuck is that? I mean, that's what I did, that's what Bird did. That's what we killed it in Boston for years, we became just a sassence and then we moved here, we met Norton Robinson, Voss, who were the same thing and we just was like, fuck you, let us have the club. It was good, I went Philly though, it was being clogged up, I started turning into New York where people, the only people

getting work was the one to Focus on bringing in a crowd. They didn't really focus on right? Never done a bring a shy. Yeah, they'll just fuck the stool for 45 minutes Hey, hey, I fuck many of your stools coming up. I swear to God dude. I remember I remember Bobby skinny Bobby will talk about before I remember sexy Bobby skinny Bobby will talk about before Patriose Patrice goes he goes off I went up one time with the I used to kill Patrice went up after goes goddamn motherfucker. He picked a stool up. He started

He goes why don't you he goes you fucked it why don't you drink from it instead of just drinking fucking Instead of doing all kinds of shit with the stool Bob Kelly's act fucking Well, you know, it was don't sit on it motherfucker But rye you this is this is what's's weird to me and this is what I love about technology and I love about where we're going with social media. It's the thing I hate about it is that it, just a fucking dude, just a dude, I don't know, I shouldn't know you.

You're just a, uh, an open mic in Boston. I shouldn't know you for five years. I shouldn't know you yeah, you're you're just a fun uh... open mic and Boston I shouldn't know you for five years I shouldn't agree to looking to see you're not be a face but vine is the new six seconds which I think is bullshit because I think famous people or successful people on vine I think they give them more than six seconds

I don't think so I've counted wills assholes at eight seconds no way right it's just seven seconds technically you get more than six seconds. I don't think so. I've counted Will Sassos at eight seconds. No way. I think I've counted Will Sassos 15 seconds. I've done it. 15 seconds. A minute. He is a tire of minute.

No. Five minutes. No. Comedy set. But yeah, not to rehash this, but I fucking missed it, but that it's vying for you assholes who don't know it's a six second videos. It's like it's a looping Six second video which when you first get it you like fuck Stupid I'm not doing this But then you do one and you're like oh my god. That was funny and then you figure out how to do a

Movie you could do a movie. You could do a movie, basically, a small TV series in six seconds. And the creativity that it forces people to have and like someone can grab something like that and go, oh, I know what I'm gonna do. And you're like, holy shit. And you're one of those guys. You're one of those guys who's, you've exploded I'm gonna do. And you're like, holy shit. And you're one of those guys.

You're one of those guys who's, you've exploded. You're famous. You have 20,000, over 20,000 people on Vine following you. All right, now I have almost 20,000. If anyone listening could find me on Vine, get me to 20. Great. The reason why I like you too

is that you've created alter egos on this thing. There's you, then there's- You're not me. Well, you're every once in a while. When you fuck up and you have to apologize, I'm sorry about the bombings. What was it? Easy now. You have, well, do you name, do you have names for your characters or do you, is it just

that, you don't even know what the fuck it is? You know, I used to do a lot of print calling with my friends. Right. And I developed characters through that. I have one character named Alex with three X's as I spell it. Who's so freaking? No, he's just a gay dude with a heart of gold. He's a guy who appeared in the Y1N1 talk to me.

Is that him? Hi everybody! That's a chick! Yeah, I welcome people wondering if it's a guy or a girl That's kind of like the characters thing like I've pranked all people like for friends for weeks Say like and then they're saying like dude. It's fucking person keeps calling me I can't even tell if it's a guy or a girl. Well, you call him up. What do you say that? How does it? What do you do? All right the first time I did it when first Alex appeared I called my friend Kyle right and I'm just like Hey, what's up Kyle? It's, the first time I did it, when first Alex appeared, I called my friend Kyle. Right.

And I was just like, hey, what's up, Kyle? Alex, Alex, listen. So I found you on Facebook, and I think you're like, really, really super cute. And I just want to get together. What's your address? That sounds like a gay guy. Oh, or maybe a girl.

And he responded, he was really sweet. He's a great guy. Kyle Fronte, what's up? Long time no see. He's just like, oh, thanks. I just don't think that we would have a relationship together. I'm not gay. I'd be like, Kyle, Kyle, I've seen your photos. You're gay. I like dick. and then I actually was calling him for two weeks. He came to visit from home. He came to visit Boston. All my friends were in on this.

Somehow came together where Kyle, my friend Kyle and Alex, we're going to meet. It's tough to explain. Long story short, I show up at the front door where Kyle is with a bag over my head, just because he knows it was me if I didn't, and then I just scared the fuck out of him. And that's the time,

I'm acting in the story. What did you say to him? What did you say to him? I was just talking to him for weeks. One morning we got up early for a ski trip, so I called him out, like five in the morning. Right, I'm just like, Hey, what's up, it's me,

you just wanted to say good morning. Just like, just like, we bat on his message. Just like, let, let that, like, I just see it right there. It's like, holy shit, this person's crazy. Yeah, but this is the weird part. What if he, what if he gave in?

What if the poor guy was like, listen, I've never done this and I wanted to, I just wanted to try, I'm gonna try this. That would be amazing. Be gentle. But, do you, but'm gonna try this that would be Genji not Do you know sad that would be for if he said he musted up the card to suck his first day To say what I would like to be me

He's like fuck you. I'm sucking your dick now Hello She just let him do it Yeah, that voice I'm sucking your dick now Hello She just let him do it Yeah, that voice but this is what I'm doing man. They're gonna blow job for my dude No, I just close your eyes it gets a bit rough around the edges Yeah, I know When you had your clam lick by no no no

Just when I hate other guys I'll put like a straight friend who said he's dick sucked a few times from guys and he describes it Whoa, whoa, he's straight and he's a straight friend. Oh, I love him. I love him, woman, say that. Listen to me. What do you mean a straight day? In front of you? No, no, no, no.

I didn't even second, you can't second front of me, but it was like when he was like 14, his friend, they were like wrestling. And his friend just started sucking his dick and then, you had to do it. You're wrestling with him, you're doing it. Start getting the dick back back. I know. I know something. Young. I wait a minute. Something is young.

I'm on a Monroe wait a minute. I have to slow you down here. Sometimes that happens. No, listen, never. Listen, sometimes listen to him. Listen to me. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes you're rolling around watching a movie,

maybe meatballs with Bill Murray You're aslan Faggy about The figure four in this does blowing you No, no, no, because I when he told me that's true. I was like doji gay. He's like no, and he's not like I've been his He's got girlfriends like blah blah blah But he's he's he's to listen that's a problem. He's bisexual. He's bisexual. Yeah, well, he never um it doesn't fucking We don't we don't care That what what the fuck does that mean he never comes because he's like I can't come to a man

Can I ask you a question? Listen listen to me. Yeah, all right So my dick shut up Why do you turn into fucking talk over fucking soda when you when he's not here? Shut your mouth Yapping Kelly today Talk over fucking soda when you when he's not here. Don't you have a thing? Shut your mouth. Yapping Kelly today. It's a Sunday.

She has a day off and she can't shut her face. Well, if you get in order to be aroused, in order to get your dick hard, you have to be aroused by what's in front of you. Your dick is mushy and then you see something that attracts you. So therefore, if he had to see a cock and a five o'clock shadow, it was Dick when he ate.

The coming part is not the whole thing. Like if he was just pushing rope, then I would be like, okay, you're not gay, but the fact that he got hard. Yeah, and if you could actually make that make sense to Americans, pushing rope. Yeah, I don't know what is that. It was pushing rope.

Like when a guy is soft and you're trying to like, do something with it, it's like pushing rope because it just bends. No, no, no, no, no, shut up, every, you know, nobody gets it, Kelly. Nobody gets your stupid saying. I never had pushing rope. Nobody.

I'm gonna after you explain. Yeah, he was like trying, Ryan is trying to get ahead from you. But, dude, if you give, if you- No kissing though. If she sucks, if she sucks your dick, can you go, oh my God. Oh. Let's do she sucks your dick can you go oh my god Let's do a vine of that

Twenty thousand followers let me think that you know you're also doing No, it's a my vana count. Yeah, I have 58,000. I'll give you fucking 10,000 for a nice suck job I'll let you fucking 10,000 for a nice suck job You push my rope You need more followers on that Is that another term mark in the off? You're more the He's just mushing you dick Hang on, nobody's listening See when you do a radio show or a podcast

You have to listen to your headphones Because you're literally having a different conversation than Ryan and me Do you understand that? I just switched it up. Well, no, it's not. It's that everybody needs to listen. So what were you saying? No, I was like, to elaborate on pushing rope.

Was it missing the dick or was it like, what is it? It's all it's play. It's pushing, it's pushing the dick. Let Ryan explain as Jay-Z. Oh, okay. All right, all right. So pushing rope, right? All right, pushing rope is when you're digging soft. It's when you're digging soft, you try to penetrate a pussy, right? All right?

Or a mouth in this case. All right. So if you dig isn't hard, you just gonna push your rope into a hole. It doesn't fit. It won't go in. It's just's like machine. I caught a ground beefing Yeah If you saw his face you like this is not Jay-Z If you saw his face, you're like, this is not Jay-Z. But it is. You can look around, but you're not in any way. I call it ground beefing. OK, but you got to perfectly push and rip.

Yeah, I can picture it. Those are the most disappointing forms. You can't, it's pushing, rip, like, worse thing. I'm like, huh, what are we going to do with it? I still don't get it. Like, you know, if you've got rope in your hand, all right, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, listen, all right, listen to me.

I have rope, just stop, wrote just stop everybody Kelly listen shut up We'll rope what you think down Kelly I think away Kelly focus Can you fucking put your headphones up right now turn them up all the way so they're loud hey mate I have opened my hand now what so you want to drop one end okay and you want to try and push that end Into like like make your whole make a hole into your feather fist try push it in the work. Yeah, I'm push right Ben Kenya. I did Not in me jissons and hankachu

I don't know what the fuck I just hate your say So so there's another thing that you did on vine that made me laugh is that you can be box Yeah, which you did at the beginning of the show. I can be box to you know. I heard that I'm on one of the last podcasts I did but you know how to really be box. Yeah, you can it's beat boxing keep out of the way What is it beat boxing you're saying it wrong beat box? Is it beat box? You're saying it wrong beat box Is it beat box beat? I said beat You're saying be box. No, I'm saying beat box. All right, okay. I'll fucking replay this if you need me to It'll be wrong in front of you

All right, so like can you do a really really complicated one? Sure, all right ready Monroe introducing like you're at one of your black parties What's up motherfuckers? I'm gonna go to the next one. Sure. All right. Ready? Monroe, introducing like you're at one of your black parties. What's up, motherfuckers? Yo!

Bitches and niggas. Put the drink, sir. We about to get in love in this motherfuckers. We got Ryan Dunne on this motherfucker one and two. Ryan Dunne, sorry, rest of the piece Ryan done Ryan doodam in this motherfucker about this sped it about to drop that b-box Get up off the floor Oh shit! Why can't WD, yeah! Yeah, alright.

Drop the bomb! How many pussy's are wet out there right now? Everyone! Just went down! Just went down! went down drop that bomb That's folk flicks how fucking crazy is that? How crazy be ashamed yourself I can be back not like that. I wait a second. Hang on. Go ahead I want you to be bucks go go ready. I can't be

Just yeah, you can go one two three Monroe I can't wait, keep'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man ROOLD! Ah! It's fragile to be 50- Hmm. Ah! Ah! Ah! That's getting real. Shit! Ah!

Oh! Here my girl, that's relation. That was my turn, ready? There you go. Sqeeze. Sqeeze. Oh, you're a big guy. Sqeeze.

It's over. Sqeeze. Now it's my turn ready. Yeah. Thank you, good night. You're a Brooklyn! That was the shit, man. You guys are fucking funny, man. Did you get all that? Yeah. Oh, my God. Are we still recording it?

Oh, man. Yeah, she's a fucking jazzy. It's a jazzy, it's a point. Thanks, you're a jazzy. And you're you do the bomb You know the song needs a blow horn It's feel like we're at the suck up It's been like we're at the suck up man man man

Stop be American And so I go back to suck horn The suck up the suck. I always have the horns at the suck. Oh Probably try to adapt our culture since we're here. It's been three years to our culture. I can't help it Everyone always gives me shit. Yeah, by the way, I like your accent. Oh yeah, thanks. I know Bobby hates it. I-I-it's the worst accent on the fucking planet earth. Kelly, can I try my Australian accent?

You can tell me how it is. Yeah. It's not very good, but it's kind of like, British. Yeah, that's how it works. That's British. Oh my god. I'm even watching Fly the Concodes.

Oh my god, you're in the eye to the Concodes. Oh no, it's terrible. Oh no, it's terrible. It's getting better.. No it's getting better. It's gotta be flat. Don't announce any words and make it flat. Very unsexy. Yeah. I didn't. Yeah it sounds loud doesn't it. What? Bobby just turned my head finds out and I just see my voice in it's awful. Yeah, what? What is awful? Listen, here's a deal though. Your British accent, don't turn that be. Yes. That's one of my favorites.

He has his character. What is that? No, don't turn it. Leave it up. I can't hear. It doesn't matter. Well, now you're not going to fucking... I can't hear it if it's too loud.

It's because it's my bad. Thank you, Monroe, for being smarter than me. It's because it's made better. Thank you Monroe for being smarter than me, quicker than me. So, would you do your your old British? Who is this? This character does not have a name, but this is like older English. Like he does a lot of like Sounds like to do from what is the lifestyles are rich and famous? But wait there's more Hollywood movie stars You sound like you know the stuff

Breadpint has a thousand calls, but wait there's more What is it? What what is it that what do you do with that voice though? What was the thing on vine that you do? My first vine video to like get popular was the down down to an abbey one What is that? I like how to pronounce down to an abbey right and it was I didn't do any cutting of the video I just did a dude say doing it wrong everyone calls it downtown abbey. Yeah, I'm aware of that So I was like how to pronounce down to an ab it downtown Abbey. I'm aware of that. So I was like, how do you pronounce downtown Abbey? Downtown Abbey. Ah, fucked it up. Downtown Abbey, there we are.

And then I was on my way to class, after I did that, and I had like 50 likes in like 10 minutes, I was like, holy shit. Right, and then I'm like, that was like, I think I might, like, this might be something. Like, when I first started Vine, I was like, this is what the fuck am I doing? This isn't anything.

Right, it was like embarrassed about it almost. Yeah. And I showed my family, I was like, all right, they're about to think I'm an idiot, but then they loved it. I was like, hmm, yeah. Shit's on fire. Ha ha ha.

It's, yeah, he is, I mean, you're fucking hilarious on Vine. I mean, really funny. There's some people that really, they just, the commitment it takes to be funny on video in social media, to me, you have to be 100% committed. When you're in public, like the one, the one video that you do when you were the wig and you go, hello, can I walk with you? Are you my, how does it go, hello, can I walk with you? Are you my father? How does it go?

Hey everybody, can I run with you? Are you my father? Are you my father? What is it? That dude, I scared him. Oh, why I want to be a baby talker? Why I want anyone talk to me? But he turns the camera and he's got a wig and a musketech.

That's the punchline. I was running around Cambridge, literally, looking like that. Right, and people were freaking out. Yeah, actually, people were being a little too friendly. Like, some people, I'd say, like, hey, everybody. And they're like, oh, I love your wig. I love your hair. Like, this Cambridge's very liberal.

So people are like supporting it. Yeah, I love your choices in life. Mustache with a wig fucking assholes you want to the fuck man this terrorist around all right walk away yeah what happened to old Boston look at a fucking queer yeah I hope to you I do want like outside family park maybe a lens down street me like wearing a pink Yankees hat oh dude Am I getting my ass kicked? No, no, you will there.

That's not a mic. I'm going to go as you will right now. Can you vine it? Yeah, that's my plan. No, he that's what he does. Hey, go Yankees, right? Like, I'm like, I'm so like, why won't anyone talk to me? I haven't worn all Yankees gear.

That's funny, dude. I would do that not on a game day day though. I would like fake the game day Maybe I just go with a bunch of friends. Yeah, it was really running away. I was as soon as you done your rip thing I'm kidding. I'm fucking Joe Gandon. I'm from Dorchester I was in Starbucks. I started to vine in Starbucks. Yeah, what the fuck was that? It was just weird. Did you enjoy that? I did, but this is what I'm talking about,

in order to be funny and people don't have it, and I know comics that don't have it. I know guys can get on stage in front of thousands of people and do their act and it's a mate and they have no problem, but to be committed on a video to, you know, wear a wig and walk around in front of people or do the crazy shit. Yeah, like this one is a visual, but you literally puke on yourself in Starbucks and there's people, but you can see there's people around you that like take two in the same Starbucks. Really? You actually,

you tweet, not your fault, but you happened to tweet something I have my tweet alerts Yeah, yeah, you happen to tweet something at the exact moment the video was uploading right in a crashed So then I was like fucking Robert Kelly You had a puke on yourself again. What was that a latte? Well in the video I said another venti hot cream Please kind of like as if I already had one. Right. But I just got some like a milk drink at a store beforehand. Right.

And you know, did the bit and then I went downstairs and started bucks and put it in my mouth. Yeah. And then I was ready for the punchline. You got a lot of planning in your vines, though. Like, do you think ahead and you ride them down like you're just doing sketches every day? That one I had planned. I just knew it would be effective. You brought a microphone with you and you're doing these interview vines.

What does that mean? I just started that. Just an idea I've had for a while. It's not original. Other people have been doing it. Oh really? Yeah, just six second interviews. Right.

That one's funny though. Interviewing dude in another car. Oh yeah, yeah. Not the one with the black chick. She's just so unimpressed by it. Yeah, that didn't get a lot of likes. I thought like, come on people, this is real. This is the real shit.

Well, once you, I think once you get people with a certain couple of things, that's what they want. I mean, we're very, like it's like, you know, you see Bon Jovi, if they don't sing shot through the heart, I'm leaving. If they're gonna keep the faith, I need fucking shot through the heart. I want you to come out, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom That's his beatbox. That's his brother's beatbox. Yeah, that was sick.

That's a beatboxing. Beatboxing. Beatboxing, sure. Beatboxing, I'm getting mad. Beatboxing, I'm getting mad. He's already said he messed up. What? Give me the beatbox.

I said did that. And free my soul. Yeah. Give me the beatbox, free my soul. Give me the beatbox, the free my soul. Yeah. I can't lost. Beatboxing doesn't exist yet. To free my soul. I'm gonna get lost in the rocking row with the black dude. Yeah, but here's the thing with your vine.

We have people want, I mean, I like when you do new stuff when you, I'm a fan of your vine, which is crazy. Like it's, it's, it. Like it's a form of comedy. And like your characters that you've created to commit to those characters, those are like SNL fucking characters. I would watch that shit on Mad TV or SNL. Those are funny enough. Are you gonna have a gonna take it to like YouTube

and write a sketch and actually, are you gonna do that? I want to. I'm not good with technology. We're gonna use, we're gonna take it to like YouTube and write a sketch and actually, are you gonna do that? I want to. I'm not good with technology. We're gonna use your fan base now because like, it's like 2,000 people that, and just reading the comments, they're just like, I've watched every one of your videos.

I love it. I know, it's amazing. It's crazy. It's been shocking to me actually. But I, now that this is happening, I feel like I want to and I need to do like YouTube, shit like. Got to get a website up. I've bought Rydune.com but it's nothing yet. I'd love to do YouTube page. Unfortunately all my technology was recently stolen. There's a vine about that. I saw that one. Yeah, that was real.

Yeah, that's the real shit. I keep on saying that. He's gonna tell you if you ask if you just let him talk to you. If you let him the real shit. I keep on saying that. You have any computer that's don't like that? He's gonna tell you if you ask if you just let him talk to you. If you let him fucking just say a fucking word, he'll actually tell you. She called that earlier. Now he's just doesn't want to stop talking to all of you. Tell me, tell me. Alright, alright, so we can hit.

I think you can hit it. Oh shit. Kissless blowjob. No kiss or touching. Why? Why don't you want kissing? I think you can edit it. Oh shit. Kiseless blowjob. No kissing or touching. Why? Why don't you want kissing? It's just a minute.

You afraid of a herdental plan and I'll show you? It's kind of like a running joke with my friends. Like pretty woman. If you ever managed to get a Kiseless blowjob, like not even have a girl touch you or kiss you, just suck it. Yeah, it's called a hooker. I've never done it.

You've never done a hooker no well today you lucky day I have a girlfriend by the way you do I'm willing to cheat on her so you have a girlfriend yeah okay because you let one of your vines the one I want what the fuck it was just you your boys kissing oh we're in kiss we got very got very close. Yeah, yeah, I was motion rope or whatever Real person rope. I like motion rope better Motion okay, I will last simulate halfway motion right for now But boys I like that though these days like I know I wasn't really touchy feeling now and white boys I think it's funny me and Norton me and Norton tried out gay each other all the time

I'll gay yeah, and he and he wins mostly the time because he's gay. Because he fucks dudes. But yeah, I mean, but that the last one, but then this is so funny. We were tweet when I said I would love you every on the show and you're like, I'm coming in town and you were like, we're going back and full of fun. DM and he's like, yeah, you never respond.

I didn't respond, but I'll tell you why. Well, I didn't respond because it was just bad. I don't like texting and I'd rather just talk to you or whatever. And you were back and forth. And he's like, I got the ideas for Vine. I was like, OK, listen to this. And maybe then we could put one of my ideas

as we could put Chapstick on and then kiss each other. But that would be the funny part of that. I was like, I just read that and those next to my wife I go, honey, you tell me what that means. And she's like, what are you doing? Because she's from Boston. What are you fucking doing? You're going to kiss a guy. I was like, we're a vine.

I was like, I'm good man. Not even for HBO. The guy, the other guy that I really like is Rudy Mankuso. Yeah. Mankuso, who was very similar to you he has he has characters and 80,000 followers as opposed to mine 19 he had 80,000 but crazy can I just say something right he had 65,000 followers four days ago oh my god he's what I do 1000 now he had say that's four so why don't you get in touch with him and find out what the fuck he's doing he He might be doing something Dude, I have I've tagged him on vines and hey, I'll be in New York City. He fucked him

Is he from New York? Yeah, he's New York. Well, we should have both of you on that would have been fucking awesome We could have made a vine connection. He had fucking responded to me Rudy. Yeah, I don't think I think you just might not have seen it But I reached out and said I reached out to a couple people really and Not much response. Thanks guys on vine. Well, Nicholas McGalist. You know him now. He's a really unique personality He's in New York City Nicholas McGalist. I was gonna hang out with him this weekend. Just didn't didn't work out But right he's another cool guy. Yeah, where he this guy's funny and you're funny and the reason why You know, I think you guys especially you guys both of you should take it to YouTube I mean six seconds but

I don't know where you lose is that what it is is it the six seconds that makes it awesome I think it I think yeah that people like that you can be that funny and so little time that maybe you'll lose the essence of whatever made you funny in longer videos. Right. Yeah, it'll definitely be a completely different thing. Yeah, I don't know, man, but you know, you should definitely like I'm glad that you're writing stuff for, you know, you're actually taking the time to come up with things. Yeah.

The, the characters. I mean, you do your new ship, which is awesome. I like all of it. I don't know. I love when there's certain when the new vine comes up, I check it. And I'm like, I do it before my show like literally you guys ready for your headline or I'm looking at vine doing I'm just fucking cocksacka Hello everybody And Sarah Tullamash is great too. Joe's girl you know Sarah. She's so fun. We're vine buddies. Oh man. She's so great She's really fun. Oh, she's so is too though. Yeah, he's good. Joe, what are you gonna say like that? You went down on that. Oh, he's so.

No, just like you're about Sarah, which is just such a flake, but I just love it. She's so serry. She's so serry. Yeah, it's very weird. Yeah, I do too. I wanted to like tweet her and be like, Hey, do you want to like hang out?

No, you shouldn't have done that. Yeah, that'd be weird for Joe. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, Joe would be like, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, Finally the show got good 45 minutes in we start getting funny. Oh, but That's not what I'm saying. It's a real humdinger. It's my Joe Listera. I love you, Joe Humdinger Read the way your mind works because it's short the danger with sketches and especially New York City Too long Sketch is a way too long why why why why would you say maro? I said I said that

Are you listening? Yeah I said I just said that. I fucking I you listening. Yeah, no, we just said that. We're we're fucking literally five minutes ahead of you, but she had It doesn't matter. No, no, here's the thing Kelly. You don't need to say it if it's already been said It's a totally different way. You just like all but YouTube is one way That's I never said I didn't say YouTube with I said it. He said it and I said, I said, maybe this, it's the six seconds that makes it unique. That's what you do. You spit in it. Yeah, we all agreed.

You too. I'm saying sketches, you're just saying running sketches, like sketches are too long. Like it's not easy to write sketches. Kelly, I was saying I think she's gonna go through a hobboblin. I'm gonna put you in a timeout.

Do you want a timeout? You know what? We never go to the story about why he's things got stolen. I'm gonna have to write a sketch. Do you want wanna timeout? Do you know what? We never go to the story about why he's things got stolen. I'm gonna ask him. Do you wanna timeout? Do you wanna timeout? I wanna know how he's shitting for you. Let me ask you a question.

Do you wanna timeout? No, mom. All right, I'm gonna give you a fucking minute timeout next time you fuck up. So you shitting got stolen, tell us. So. Mm-hmm. What the fuck was that?

Kelly's losing her mind today? She's literally fucking lose. Do you like Ryan? What the fuck is going on? She wants the I swear to God. You talk it to the fuck here. Can you do me a favor? You can hear me. No, now we can.

Do you see the, see the voice change? Yeah. That's where you want to put on. Don't use that deep black voice, 60 voices, man. You came in, you called him fat. Again, talk it to the mic. You called in, you caught him fat again, talking to the mic, you caught him fat and you never broke eye contact with him. You look right in the eyes.

Everything. How long have you been with your girl? Eight years. That's what I know. That's dumb. He's like, how are you 29? 29. You're dumb.

What do you mean? Dumb. What do you mean? What do you mean, dumb? I don't know. Well, you get married or you don't? Oh, she's saying the relationship's over. Yeah.

You're bored with this. You would have married already. She's trying to get you to fucking think about giving her a couple of swipes. Giving her a couple of swipes on this couch when we're done. You see that? Well, I'm very flattered.

Bobby, I'm going to clean up. You can Monroe can go. I'm going to clean up and let Roindee take a cup of swipes at my kids. After everyone else leaves, we have our own podcast. Oh, shit. Beatbox through that, motherfucker. Well, be boxing her box. I happen.

Ryan is such a loud echo. That's Beatbox Ryan is such a lad, echo. That's Paul. That's B-bogg is singing Kelly's Bogg's. Hello! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm like a wreck it balls for you. Is that a submarine, Dan? And there's sonar in your pussy. Oh my god. So she cut stolen. My shit got stolen.

Yeah, what happened? We left a window unlocked, which, you know, would be nice to be able to do. Wait, but you're in, where are you living again? I'm in Roxbury. Yeah, Roxbury. You know what that is? The Black part of town, which is from Roxbury, right? It's blog. Say that in that English voice Downtown Roxbury

Downtown Roxbury It's the black part of town I fucking listen fucking Dan Soda's out Yeah, what is he got fucking three voices? Oh yeah, yeah, do a slam to you. He does Andre the giant too. Can you do a hundred? Uh, kind of. Uh, I don't mind you to hear us. No, no.

Can you right now? I'm gonna. I'm gonna. Sounds like how you are bored. Them from no country from all this. I'm sorry. I'm gonna get into sounds like high-rear board them from no country from all day. I'm sorry No country from all day. I just want you to say his name again. What was it? I have a year board there. Oh, okay. I got it. Yeah, you got it at the second time the first time a high-rear hour So So you left your window open and Patrice lived in Rosper, yes. Yeah, but they say Patrice robbed him. No, that'd be impossible.

Yeah, less as he came in, boom of the fucker. What, what, what was stolen? My laptop, which sucks, iPad. Ah, that's where I got from. So my girlfriend's jewelry, which is like sentimental and old. Did your girlfriend live in your house with you? Yeah. So you never see her.

You never show your girl. Is that by choice? Yeah, that's by her choice pretty much. Oh, she does why anything to it. She's kind of freaked out by the whole thing. Why? Just because she's like, this is just so weird. Some of the people following you.

It's like kind of like sharing too much about yourself. She doesn't cry for the attention like you do. No. She doesn't. What does she do for work? She works for AmeriCorps, which is, you know that? I used to do that. Oh yeah? Amway?

Yeah, yeah. What is it? I don't know what it is. It's like Peace Corps in America. Really? It's volunteering. So she doesn't get paid? Barely gets paid. Really? So you pay the rent?

So you get a spider shot? No, I, no she's much more I financially skilled than I am well you don't get you you don't make money either. I mean I make I make a little bit of money But I'm not good at keeping it really yeah, no I'm terrible I think yeah, I figured you got to yeah money is Causes a lot of problems. I'm good. No, I'm good You're rich. That's why I'm not rich Still I'm not rich because you watch I should have to watch

Pissacly speaking I should have that watch with diamonds in it. Why? Because I'm black Look how big the faces are that's it's a black watch. It's a black dude watch You know what it's Can I tell you what Patrice did to me, this cock sack I used to make fun of me about this watch all the time. Then he called me up one day, he goes,

yo, yo, Bobby, what a watch you got. I go to Brightling. He goes, what, what kind? What make? I go, it's a super avenger. It's a Brightling super avenger. And it's white, white face. And he goes, all right, man, and he hangs up.

I see him at the cellar, he's got my watch on. He's got to bought the same exact watch. He goes, Bobby man, seriously man, stop wearing my watch out when you, people like, you bought the same watch as Patrice, I'm like, no! You motherfuckers, I've had this watch. He's like, Bobby man, that's fucked up, man.

He called me, but he goes, look, I'm heading down in the city don't where you watch tonight. I don't wear my watch I'm like you I've had this for five years clock sucker nice watch day did the same thing it's a very black guy Watch it's not a black guy watch. It's a white guy watch first of all because it's four thousand dollars Black rappers. Yeah, there's four of them. There's four of them, okay You got that watch rock a fire I'm like who's that some rapper from down south with dreads these things really he has watches that big Would die when what kind of what what is a white guy watch? Smaller a smaller clock face yeah, like a smaller really so we have to have smaller dicks and smaller watches

No, yeah, yeah Go fuck yourself of clock face. Yeah, like a smaller. Oh really? So we have to have smaller dicks and smaller watches. Yeah, with what? Clock yourself. That's life man. Go fuck yourself. So you got all your shit stolen. You coming to the apartment. Coming to the apartment.

Yeah, I got it. And the windows broken or just open? The window, I don't even notice for a couple hours. That's how good they were at this. The shades were ruffled a little bit, but put back down. Like they somehow put the shades back down. I realized there's dirt in the floor. I thought maybe it was just my girlfriend.

She went outside, came in. You know what, she dirty? Yeah. You go for Nell. Yeah, she a great, grave digger. Am I going for Nell? It's a great digger. Is your girlfriend now?

We have an outdoor patio here. She might have tracked her in from, so I thought that was it. Okay. Then I'm on a way to go to class. I always forget the room number. So I look up on my computer, see what the room number is.

Computer's not there. I notice the iPads gone. I text my girlfriend, like, do you have the computer, please God? says no then I like notice the screen is Torrent a little bit so they can like get their fingers in and put the screen up. Yeah, yeah I used to rob people did you really? During your Yeah, it was juby jowell and I was a kid we used to break it

Yeah, I you didn't really need to rip the screen either, by the way you just push it in. You can just push it down. Yeah, push it down and push it. You don't really need to do that. Now, very rude. Can I tell you, I guarantee you it was an inside job. You think so?

Absolutely. Absolutely. How the fuck did they know that your windows are open? I think that. How did they know that your windows are open? I think that. How do they know the computer? I mean, you don't just break into, as a thief, you don't just break randomly into houses to see what you can get. You know what you do, you do that with cars. You do that with, you're breaking into a car, steal shit, see if there's stuff in there at late at night, because the chances of getting caught are fucking slimmer.

Breaking into somebody's house is a fucking pretty bad. That's a big offense. You have to know that there's an iPad or computer, something in there. Jewelry, you can't just fucking chance it. Especially with a young kid who, you know, kids who have shit. Yeah. You know, so someone came to your house at a party, saw your computer, saw your iPad, saw the window,

you know, probably checked out some shit and then we're like, okay, that's crazy. It's absolutely, absolutely. That's like an on point. There's a, I live right in a park. So there's dudes hanging out all the time in the park. They're probably like watching me leave every day. Yeah.

That's what I was guessing. Dude, I don't know. Just watching my mom. Yeah, but how does he know you have shit? He could have been like, some people said they saw a guy gardening. We have a garden like right outside our that window. It's all guys gardening in quotes. So I think maybe he had been just posing as a gardener

for a few days. And I was like, oh, there's a laptop right there. I can see it right there. He was posing as a gardener for a laptop. Yeah, what is this monk? I don't know. What is this, is this a psych episode? The fuck?

If I'm gonna wear a wig for vines, someone might pose as a gardener for a laptop. All right, two shade fucked and two shade did. I bet it, I mean, I don't want you to start hating all your friends, but I'm telling you, people, I mean I don't want you to fuckers not hating all your friends, but I'm telling you people I mean Yeah, I mean do you leave your window open or not open but up with the shades up so people can just stare right in We used to that that day the shades were closed Fucking shades were closed prior to that not that day, but prior to that. Yeah, we would. Oh, yeah

Yeah, we would yeah What I'm saying is nobody's just going to break into a place and not know, you know, you're going to break into a place and know that this pitch got drugs or, you know, diamonds or, you know, a computer or, you know, I mean, so somebody knew that there was, I'm going in there to get that guy, the M iPad and that can, I'm going to go steal. They knew it was all in your bedroom because they were in and out really fast. Mm-hmm. Yeah, they they went they did a good job. Did they go into any other room? They went into the kitchen area You check the milk

I always one of the worst things later that night I go to use my Apple TV I took the fucking remote and I couldn't use the Apple TV. They didn't take the Apple TV No, they took the remote and I have like well, you know what? That remote you always lose anyways. Yeah, fucking miles will take it that fucking thin little stupid remote They probably didn't even know what Apple TV was Yeah, yeah, it also works for my laptop So it's funny that they took that they're probably just fucking from a third-world country to do it. They took it all day. They took it all day.

Hello, it's computer. Many, many, this computer. Yeah, it looks like a iPad mini. But that's terrible, man. Now now you have to worry that you're being watched or they're going to come back, right? Yeah, it's going to weird. Are you scared? We've been getting better.

My girlfriend was scared for a while. Really? So, well, if you're scared of you on Vine having fans, I could imagine how freaked out she was knowing somebody actually broke in. Yeah. One of those fans broke in. That'd be fucked up. Maybe they were, yeah, it was one of your fans. They were listening to the fuck yourself. They took the laptop, but they wanted the wig. Smiley's wig. Smiley's wig. They were trying to get you to stop doing fine. They were not a fan of your vine. I'm trying to see my iPhone, which would have killed me.

So it was your girlfriend. Yeah, we got robbed. Honey, I don't know what. I guess you can't do fine anymore. Have you ever been robbed? Monroe? Well, a place, no. Never.

What about you, Kel? Yeah, I got robbed one time. When I was in drama school. We were doing a traveling, like a kid's performance to different like elementary schools. And my car was full of all the props and all the costumes. Everything to do with the show. A fucking gay robber.

Yeah. Everything, like, get the butterfly wings. It's like wings, we have like big coats, like lamps, like all these fucking amazing stuff, all in my car and I was sleeping at my friend's house that night and we're driving off to the school that morning and then we woke up the next morning, all my windows smashed, everything gone. So we had to like look around her house

for like makeshift fucking dumb costumes for the show. So, yeah, did you check the gay drama school in the next town? She left to all the supplies. Guys we got something good to do. Inside her car. Oh my god. Alright one two three we go. Ball chance step. Crazy thing was there was a little video camera underneath the seat that I just forgotten but that was there. They didn't take it they didn't see it. Yeah these people I have some expensive

ski boots. Maybe those are tough to sell, I don't know. Brand new fucking ski boots, I just bought, they didn't take those. They didn't take any of my music equipment. Because I needed everything that was on foot. They didn't take your music equipment? No, I had like a microphone, it's expensive microphone,

like other shit. What kind of microphone? Electric voice. What is F4 for you, B-Boxing? I have it on me, if you wanna see it. Yeah, what is it for? B-Boxing. Is that what you do? Do you do music? Yeah, I've been doing music for years like what kind of music? Rock I was most recently a lead singer of a rock band in Boston get the fuck because this is the one thing

I noticed from your your tweet you did a lullaby one the other day Yeah, and you sang yeah, and I was like the only shit this dude can sing. What do you sing? Can you sing what you sang sure ready uh you're gonna do it well hang on one second ready so you're gonna sing uh right now what was the song there was one that's from I saw from two men and a baby that's a good night's we hard now it's time to go then I have another one that I wrote. What was that? What was the one you wrote? It's a late night, lullaby. Oh, yeah.

It's a late night, lullaby. Oh, yeah. And it loops and repeats. It's a late night, lullaby. All right, so. Is that the whole song? Yeah. Six seconds.

Bobby. Bobby just got all, like, you got tingle-y, didn't ya? No, I was shocked. You solved Bobby. You got all tingle-y, like, you actually went into a daze and you were like, yeah, I love it. Yeah, I wasn't sure if he was enjoying it or really. It was like a cat gun patta behind the ear.

Yeah, I don't like the kelly's on fire today. I don't have Joe listed, Dan, so to smash her back down. I got Monroe who wants to fucking stick his big meat curtain inside her fucking bat cave Like a dude wants a fucking wordless blowjob Listen, but you can sing do you have any like can we I want to hear you sing a song dude like a rock song Can you sing something? Not you as hall

sing something? Give me the beat by not you as all. That's your fucking dream in life. They're getting in front of a white crowd like Hamdh Hendrix. Give me the beat by the T.M.I. So I want to get lost in a rock and roll. Can you sing anything? Yeah. I do a little beatbox and singing. Okay great. Something I do. Love it. Beatbox performance. Love it. Sublime song. that's summertime sublime song. Awesome. Mm. Uh. Me and my girl.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Me and my girl, we got this relationship. Mm.

Mm. Mm. I love her so bad, but she treats me like shit. I'm like a penitentiary. She spits a love and all over and when she gets home, there's no left for me. Some are time and the living's easy. That's great, man.

I love these other words. How many pussy's are wet out there right now? see that's great man how many pussy's a wet out there right now yeah someone get me a blow-hunt god damn it dude that was fucking great thanks man I this is the the understand I without fine without this six second thing this kid wouldn't even i i don't even we would notice dude nobody would know this fucking dude and your talented guy

you're a very talented very funny dude and uh... i'm glad that i uh... i got to know you uh... i got to know you through vines so uh... i'm gonna do a little ad right now uh... kelly uh... tell us about Amazon and Gamefly, would you? So Amazon.com, we're gonna go to rightcast.com forward slash Robert. Kelly, click on the Amazon link

and anything you wanna purchase that helps us out, helps yourself out, because you get to buy whatever you wanna buy, but then we get a little, little, mm, mm, off Amazon from doing it. Do you still have stuff left on your baby thingy? I'm a baby registry, the essay deal. What do you have left? There's you know diapers. We need diapers. We haven't got any diapers Come on, let's buy some them diapers and also this game fly Game fly that's a two-week trial where you can rent is it?

1495 for the first time It's the Netflix of gaming and I'm like I just got Netflix the other week and I'm gonna die I'm gonna fucking die it is I watched freaks and geeks one fucking day whole season. Yeah, I watch I'm gonna die I can't do this breaking bad is on there. I need to have my life back. It's fucking amazing All right, I'm and also tweaked audio dot com Ryan. Do you need some headphones? I do you do? Yes, actually I really do All right, I want to say this about tweakedaudio.com. Look, we're not sitting there telling you their bows. I'm getting, you know, I hate you, you guys go get the headphones and you're like,

dude, these headphones, yeah, it's not, it's not a 200 dollar pair of headphones. That's the point. Is that they're cheap priced, but they're good headphones. They're just as good as the Apple headphones. You buy for $30-40. Okay, but with us, you're gonna get them for cheap out-the-gate and then 33% off if you use the code word, dude. 33% off. That way, if you lose them, drop them, break them, shit on them.

Some bitch, you fucking steals them okay? You you have another pair It's not that expensive. They're actually good headphones for the money Okay, go to tweaked audio dot com right now and buy more than one pair buy a few pairs I love the green ones with the white. They're awesome You have a pair how are they they're. Every single one of my Apple headphones have broken. They'll snap at the bottom. All the clicker. Mine too.

The clicker when I have to do like when I talk on the phone. Every one of them break. These are the good. But your tweaked audios are working. Yeah, they're fine. They're like toughest nails. Okay, there you go. They're very cheap.

Go to tweakedaudio.com. Different shapes, different sizes, different styles, different colors. 33% off and free shipping. And it's got a year warranty, limited warranty, which is good. If it breaks within the year, send them back, they'll send you new ones, tweakedaudio.com. Did.

Did. Did. I wanna thank all the people. Did. I wanna thank all the people that have donated to Heather Graves again. We love her. Kelly actually got some money. All the work she

does from you guys. Thank you everybody and thank and Heather. I've been wearing my base strong hat too. That Heather gave me. Fits like a treat. Yeah where's mine? Behind you. Oh where? Oh yeah I put it up on the wall Heather so that you can see that we have it. Be strong. I love that hat. I love it. If you guys want to send us something, the address to the studio, if you want to send Kelly me anybody, now I'm in Roseman on twice, you can send him something.

Maybe, I don't know. A what? I have someone send me a laptop. Please, please. Ryan needs a laptop. There's some diamonds. I need need some diamonds nigga. Jesus Christ I need some blood diamonds The address is 6 7 6 a 9th Ave

Number 424 New York New York 103 6 again 66A, 9th Ave, number two, oh fuck, I fucked it up. Number 424, let me do that again. 676A, 9th Ave, number 424, New York, New York, 1036. You guys wanna send us anything. I think you might have some stuff coming your way

because I've had a few pockets of people ask me for the address. That's great. Well, yeah, well, we love all the stuff last week. We got the comic books. Thank you so much for that We thanked him didn't we? Yeah, Devon Thompson awesome. We got all the comic books. We got I got my little We all got our figurines which was cool. I got chocolate Kelly got chocolates that she fucking chow and ate it So of course she did fat Kelly got chocolate she she fucking chow and I did certain of course she did fat so uh...

have it Heather Craves Kevin Saint Louis Matthew LaJoy oh not him um... uh... Jordan Crosby Jersey Zilletski um... George P. Bantz Douglas Maloney uh... Heather Graves.

Oh, you guys are great. You guys, thank you for donating. You guys are all, you guys are great. And the people that donate more than once, everything helps. All that stuff helps us to keep the show going and keep people happy and make it even better. So we appreciate all that.

All right, hey, what's up? Fuckers. Make sure you go to my website, Robertkellylive.com, and check out all my dates, my tour dates, at Robertkellylive.com. It's fucking fantastic, little website for you. Comics, Fox Woods, 27th, 28th, 29th. You know what, dude, podcast show. Lewis Gomez, Califistuca,

myself will be there all weekend. We'll do it a bunch of shows at the Fox Woods, 27th, 28th, 29th. And then we're doing a nasty show on Saturday. So come down, spread the word, Connecticut, Boston, Rhode Island. And we're gonna be doing some maybe a podcast at some point either after one of the shows or before we'll let you

know as the date gets closer and then I'm going to just for laughs for a long fucking time a long fucking time holy shit fucking time the 16th of July to the 28 I don't even know if that's legal. So there you go. Go to my comedy fucking website for more information, bio, photos, love, whatever you want. Facebook, Twitter, make sure you spread the word about the show. Come see us live, support us live. It's always great when you are the YKW defense come up after the show and and let us know that you are there. We got a lot to do that to show I'll know that you or a fucking retarded person. So there you go and go get my app on iTunes Robert Kelly live app has the

podcast on it all my dates right in the palm of your hand and it's award-winning so check it out and Roy it's coming soon my developer I think I don't need to talk to me anymore So I don't want the fuck to going on so who would the fuck you gonna do But get the happy if you have an iPhone and get the right cast app if you have an iPhone get it all it's all free free free free free free free free Fuck it's free God So there you go I Woke up this morning, okay with the worst diarrhea my My stomach sounded like a pack of raptors

Clev the girl yeah, I AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Like, who baby? Like, pushed. No, I know, I know, to me. Fucking poo, baby. Come on, we can do this. Shh. I never fucking shit dola, come in. What you need to do is breathe. Breathe fat boy. Breathe. You ate too much cream sauce with a spat against fat boy.

No more curry, no more. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, it was coming out. Spatting his fat boy Ha ha yeah, it was it was coming out just like Just sounded like somebody you know throwing up on pavement Irgling yeah, I was fucking just and then I put my bidet on like at the end and I like I The water was shooting up and then I and then my asshole relaxed and opened up, and he's like, and it cleared out like the stoppage, whatever was, and I literally my mouth started watering.

Like I was gonna puke, and I started, I got salty, like I could cold sweats, like, oh god, like evil, like I just had a fucking demon leave my asshole like Like the end of a possession. It was just like oh I just wanted my like a priest to hold me So came my son Shit it wasn't extra shit god it was so bad. What was it? I don't know Are you drinking? No, I don't drink I haven't drank it do listen to you

You know Bobby at all. What is that? Listen to his act this kid was in a juby hall like starting at 13 Foster homes beforehand had a substance abuse. He's been sober for like 25 Same life I still drink I met this kid eight minutes ago and Ryan knows everything about me I mean huge fan of the show and I'm a Texas Kelly yesterday. I mean, he was fan of the show. And I texted Kelly yesterday. I mean, he was fan of yours. She's like, don't be silly. I'm going to say Ryan has some of the best texting etiquette. Hi.

Hi. Yeah. I hope you go for it, doesn't listen. But, no, he has like some of the best texting etiquette. Like when I texted him and like, like spoke to him, he was like sure no problem, that's great. Whatever you need, like so nice. The other drongo is that we have on the show, they're like, yes, no, they're so sure.

Talk about me. No, no, no, no. Don't you talk about me? I said cool beans. No, no, no, no, no. I said for realsies once, you know. I don't know, like the other day when I was texting with Yannes, he just wrote it back low.

And I'm like, you're 34 years old. Yeah, but you're, can I just explain something about your text, and I told you yesterday, okay? I don't have time to read that much information on that small device. I can't sit there, and I'm on the phone on an important phone call, ring every fucking 10 seconds. It's one of her texts,

because her thoughts come in in spurts. Well, Bobby, you're either gonna get a long text message or you have to listen to this voice. I'd rather listen. I'd rather listen. I was like, just tell me. I'd rather listen. I'll send a caring pigeon. Because I can tell you, I can say, shut your face on the phone. I can't. I was like, I'm not reading. I called her back. I'm not. I refuse to do that much reading when I don't have to. I did comedy, so I didn't have to go to fucking law school

and read books, okay? Well, no, you've got really good etiquette. Like sometimes I used to like text people that weren't gonna be on the show. Like, hey, what do you want? I'll make sure it's in the studio, just, you know, so they feel good and it's hospitable and it's nice.

I still am doing it because people would not respond back to me Like hey, do I not get a coffee nothing and then I would be like I know I knew that they drink coffee because I know them personally I'm like no dude. It's fine. You haven't answered me. Do you want a coffee? And they're like dude? What's with the message about a coffee? I'm like fuck you I am never gonna I'm not messaging people with drinks anymore only like Bobby I get a drink and if there's someone I know that's coming in that, like Colin Cruz and I co-cook. Hang on one second, first of all,

I make those decisions if nobody, if you don't call people, that's, hang on one second, let's just stop. Before you turn into CEO of a company, you're not in fucking charge of, okay? It's called, you know what, dude, podcast, okay? Not the fucking Kelly and Bobby Show. This isn't a morning zoo fucking thing you turn.

So when I, those decisions go through me, go through me. That was off your direction. Well, here's the deal. Well then explain that. Don't say it like you're fucking putting your foot. You know, I ain't fat gay, but I don't, Bobby gets to call me, calling me his car, but that's it.

Namo, N's it Namo I mean Namo Guys, do I really sound like that? Yeah You really do That was accurate That was a long point

Yay I'm getting one fatter I'm getting fatter I ate all the chocolates and it's a sandwich and I'm getting fatter I ate we finished eating

We finished eating We finished eating Who the fuck Who the fuck Who I get refused to get you being crazy by me. Who the fuck is this? Who? Who the fucks did that to you? First of all, who did it? Oh, I can't remember. Yeah, you can.

Listen man, I'm honest on this show. I reveal everything to you guys. The only I expect back is fucking honesty. Who did it? No, I'm trying to remember. I think it was like a collection of people that just never responded to the more the fuck is the collection who said what? What's up with the drink shit who did it? Fuck you Kelly, you know the one this nice. No, I'm trying Alright, alright, alright, alright, it was billbur. I'm gonna. I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna think maybe I think maybe it was Pat Dixon

But I'm not sure oh Pat Dixon was supposed to come on. No, he's on Tuesday. Oh, Tuesday. Was it Pat? I think so. I'll go through my text. I'll have it in text. I'll go through. I want to talk about that on Tuesday with Pat Dixon. Yeah, I'll go through my text and I'll tell you he was a shitty person to me. Well, you know what? You should say to them. Listen, instead of saying it to us, so we have to live through it.

You should say it to them. Hey, don't be shitty to me. I'm just trying to make sure you're comfortable. It wasn't even the shitty. It was just the silences. It doesn't matter. Go, hey, fuck face. I'm asking you if you want to drink.

But I have to admit though, your texts are a little overwhelming sometimes. You can go, you listen, Kelly, you have. I do the same thing. You're very, oh you guys, can you guys fuck later? Can we, me and Morale trying to deal with this, all right? I knew I loved her text messages, because we're one on the same. Thanks. I sent you some long ones I was like this is too long

I know Kelly does long one so I checked off to it That was Because of the long text message and I love to long text messages Wait, you see jerk You cannot let your girlfriend hear this podcast jerk on all right you're you cannot let you go from here this podcast I have a boy okay you have a boy yeah the fuck is that a slave I shouldn't say that in America that's right because people think that means a slave no we actually have to be a black boy in America we thought it was a slave my row you know me you got a board. Who you call? Who you call? Who you call the board?

I'm sorry. Listen, I don't, I look at first of all, there's definitely sexual attention coming from not from Ryan. Ryan is being very cool and nice. Kelly, yeah, Kelly. You want. She, Kelly wants to fuck the dude. She wants to fuck the dude. Kelly wants to fuck. Kelly wants to fuck the dude

Kelly wants to fall Yeah, why didn't Kelly what tights today ease it access model fuck off she saw my vines Which the wetdest seat cushion I mean It's gonna be like one of those GPS stands for a car What are you typing she's right under number yeah, call me if you want me if you want to get inside this cave I eat huh oh My god she's not, she's just taking it! I love it. Will you do me a favor?

Yeah, may. Please. Oh shit. Get the door. That's my wife and my baby. Awesome. My baby's son. Her name is Naniya Business.

No, it's Don. Don, right. I need that. Oh, it's fun. business. No, it's don't don't right any that Oh, it's actually it's Mrs. Kelly It's um, dude she wants to fucking hang you there. I don't think so what? That's that up. She look up. She wants I have no right to say that now you don't Can you make sure she gets up though? Like go out the hallway and make sure, she doesn't know where it is.

Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. I can call her ass of fangame. Listen to me. Listen to me. I'm serious. I've never seen a like this with anybody on the show.

Really? Ever. Yeah, she's being girly like with me. Yeah, she's being girly. Little before, is that right? But aggressive girl is like, yeah, yeah, I see where you were from. You were my good. Wow, dude. I mean, what's up? She's being really good for aggressive girl. She's like

Wow, dude, I mean what's up? That's crazy if you fuck Kelly Can you do it for a vine? I would definitely buy not can't do it like hello Yeah, I'm gonna fuck Kelly. Why won't anyone I'll disappoint her. There she is. How you doing? Hi, mama. Hi, good man.

How you doing, Baba? Good. He's soft. You do. The two are embracing, uh-huh. Bobby's kissing the belly. That's it. Touching moment right now.

I've never seen Baba like this. This is what Kelly wants. Kelly wants this in her belly from Ryan You want a little talented baby Oh see Thanks god damn my god damn is right motherfuckers. Yeah, I want a baby that just does voices straight out of the room. Let's do it All right Has a mediocre

Know you want to fuck. I want to say it like that. I'm sorry. I'm kidding. If you're in front of the baby, no, you can swear in front of the baby. I'm not saying he's going to curse. Um, oh, this morning it was so fucking funny that the poop. Then I come out. It's just embarrassing too, because I'm such at that stage of my wife.

I was like, my stomach's up so she goes, I know I heard. She had the B-52s in the background, just like bullets. The yesterday, my dog is a friend of thunder and lightning. Right? So I made my wife pee yesterday, her pants, because pregnant girls always have to pee,

and if you make them laugh hard enough, they'll just piss their pants. So I'm sitting there, the fucking pool outside. My dog is fucking pacing. He runs over to my foot, and then in two way, my foot is just shit. And I didn't see it, I heard it first. So I was like,

pfff. pfff. pfff. I heard it first so it was like I'm like what the fuck is that when I look down he's just And it's just watery fucking I'm scared of lightning shit And I'm like done cuz I throw up. I can't deal with dog. It's like what it smells. I'm like darn She's out. She comes back in I go get down here. She's like what I'm Fucking I'm gagging. She's like what happened you dog fucking shot him my foot She's like what she starts laughing and she goes I'm gonna be and she pisses. I got my dog shit and my wife pissing It's a fucking nightmare

All cuz of thanda And she's got really smelly shits. Kelby. It's a boy first of all. I know you're doing bugs the fuck out of the guy's dog. Yeah, but it has a dick. It is a dick. You can see she's got a gay hair cat. She's got like a little mullet thing going on with a shade back. It's a it's a mohawk. Right that down. It's a mohawk dummy. It's a it's a mo right that down. It's a mo hog dummy. That's the fight

wife just cut that hurts more than any time you call me dummy. Kelly's a dummy. Fucking seriously though. Don't talk on the fucking podcast. You know better keep your mouth shut Oh I

Fucking wow You know it's true I'm sorry for the fact that you made me he's still going to go there what are you doing Ryan leaves no I'm not going to lie the hanging around who boy he's a boy what do you have a what do you have a boy what do I have well it's right now listen you're your fucking posture is driving me baddie.

Have some confidence. No, it's not my confidence. I just have bad posture. It's sunken in chest. No, you never sunken in it. You have to. Tennis on. You want it there?

You're saying concave chest? Yes. You don't have a con. Prove it. No. I'm like in the sun of a bitch. Yeah, that's great. She's going to whip her tits out in front of my wife.

I'm going to have to look away. I finally get to see Kelly's lopsided fucking rack. Wait, is one bigger than the other? Like, yeah. What is it? One has a weight issue and the other one's okay. One day, one of them was on the side. Would you get your glasses off Monroe? There's some staring at him. There's something about you drawing. I'm gonna look through your old pictures.

On Facebook? Yeah. Oh, that's. I'm gonna look through your old pictures. On Facebook. Oh, that's how I found out how she was really fat. Yeah, my fatty pictures. Yeah, when she showed up on the podcast, she was thin. She's, and I had to go back like two years and find a, just a fat one on her on the floor with some converse, some low cut converse sneakers, some slip on.

Yeah, she had slip on shoes because she couldn't bend over and tire sneakers. I'll be back. I'll be back. Yeah, she had slip on shoes because she couldn't bend over in tires, Nick. I'll be back. Coming back. Oh, God. Don't get too back. Nobody wants a fat fat Kelly. I know.

Just stay this fat. Yeah. Cool. You're not fat. I need to get. I need to get tired. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, Kelly. Oh, you're talking about Kelly. Thank you, Ryan. You're welcome. You're talking about before Ryan. You're talking about how you have a really terrible anxiety issues and it's not terrible. You seem fine to me.

I'm doing well today. When I first met you, you're a fire right now. How long has it been? We are really highlighting you. We are throwing you so many balls. You're lucky when Ro has really been... Do you know what an alley you've been? No, but you were talking about that.

I just realized now that I've quit smoking and you know quit. I haven't... How many months now? Three, almost three months with no sugars, no carbs, no ice cream, no sweets, no nothing. And since I let go of all these things that help me deal with anxiety and stress, which are cigarettes and food and porn and whatever, Seriously, I know you're gonna laugh at that,

but it's true, you know, I get nervous or lonely or anxiety, and I jerk off and it literally, it's something to look forward to. It's something at the hunt. It was exciting. It gave you endorphins and juice and major, something to do. And then you did it and you're like,

oh, then you go to sleep and you wake up, but it's almost a reset and you can start over again. And you'll eventually work your way back to anxiety and stress and insecurity, but that's when you'll eat something and then, or you'll smoke something and you'll drink something and blah, blah, blah. But now that I've quit,

I've realized that I have this anxiety and it comes out in anger or frustration you know where I get like what the f**k you're very mad very quickly what the f**k you know it happened you know last week it's in Edmington you know I kind of I have a lot of stress in my life to him having a baby and you know the road and all the shit you have that regular stress of comedy no matter what level you're at by the way. You know I love that people under me think that I have it made and then I look at a guy like Louis CK and go jeez if I could just be him. But he has his bills are the same as they're just bigger.

He's paying for yacht and a house in Manhattan. I'm paying for a one bedroom and a mailbox, et cetera. You know what I mean? So it's just different. It's And you guys are the same thing. It's just a it's all different levels, but that stress if you don't have something to You know almost relieve it or control it or subdue it or kill it It's gonna come out or you got to learn how to deal with it. You got to learn everything look man It's just anxiety. I'm I'm fucked up and you know, but I mean, how do you deal with your anxiety? I know you drink I Drink I try not to drink abuse. Yeah fucking beer party. Yeah, it's fucking beer party

I'm not gonna be a party right now. He said anytime. I'm drinking a beer. It's a beer party He does it's a fine thing. He does which I find funny and I don't drink and that's saying my lot What happens when you get anxiety? What do you do? What do I do? You do like you sweat? You know, uh, we're trying to get a kill. He's not going to look at pussy. And Australia, and it's a pussy. You know,

Australia, you're getting a pussy mate. Well, look at the night. Like someone like Joe Lissy breaks out in hives. I don't know what with me. So does that. Yeah out in hives. I don't know what with me. So does that. I'm, yeah. So does when soda gets mad, he gets blotchy. Yeah.

I sweat, like my, my pencil starts sweating. I sweat. I can't breathe. I shake too. Really, the angel tremble. Yeah. Like it happened before an open mic show. I know, it's really good.

It's like the saddest thing ever that you were looking nervous before going up in front of a bunch of other dumb comics. It's true, but people laugh. I've got a really good not 11, Jake, and I'm not afraid to do it. Yo, man, I'm nervous and going in front of my two friends. It's true, it's true.

My aunt and my two friends are in the audience, and I'm nervous. I paid $5 to this and getting my worth out of it. It's true. It's true. My aunt and my two friends are in the audience and I'm nervous. I paid five dollars for this and getting my worth out of it. Yeah. I mean, you guys are right for making fun of me for that. No. Come on, man. Fuck them. They got nervous too. Don't even please. Don't act like this fucking twenth and that fucking twenth.

Didn't get nervous. I got nervous the first time. First time I went up a catcherizing start and you stand up. I was fucking petrified. Yeah. No, not really. I've always made to do this. Oh, I've had a lot of confidence. I have the itch factor. Listen, I, so you get nervous, you shake. I shake. And one thing that's you were nervous today. Yeah. When I, when you, I walked up, you did that standing there. Yeah, well, I could tell you're a little nervous. Yeah, I feel like pretty much blessed to be here.

Are you freaking out right now? Are you okay? I'm okay, I'm ready. Kelly, suckers, dick, quick. Ryan, why are you crying? Oh my gosh, buddy. You have so much of breath right now. Yeah, first season of the podcast.

Just, what have you just passed out? You know, funny, funny that would be we just keep going to my phone and find it We'd actually take it You didn't have a phone Yeah, Maro once and I by phone he was that droid gone. Oh, you got one All right, really had a nice watch you could have Well about about anxiety. One strange thing that I do, which is really bizarre, it hasn't happened in about five years.

I used to have much worse anxiety when I was younger. But anxiety seems to be heightened narcissism, because you're thinking, oh my god, everyone's watching me. One thing I would, my brain would do is I think I'd recognize people. I'd see a dude walking the street boss and like I think that's my dad's friend or something. No, no, it's not. I'm just crazy right now See another dude like I think I know him

But it's like no, I don't I'm just crazy right now That's one thing I do when I make to get out of it No, not to get out of it. It's just like a result like I'm I'm so like socially anxious and thinking like a result, I'm so socially anxious and thinking things are about me, I guess, that I think I know everybody. Yeah, that's not what I was saying. I'm like, I think you're crazy. I'm gonna wrap this shit up real quick and thanks for coming right. I'm gonna relate to that.

No, I understand what you're saying. No, absolutely, I'm just, this comedy show. I'm gonna say. No, no, no, no, say. No, I hear you. I get fucked up. I have, I don't know, I say respect. I think it is narcissistic. Yeah. I think it's respect with me sometimes. I feel like people are out to get you. But I think it's true though. In the comedy world, there are times where people like people are out to, you know, out to get you. But I think it's true though, in the comedy world, there are times where people lie to you and to manipulate you to, and they fuck with you because they can. Because you understand, we're always going into somebody else's home. There's a comedy club, and in that comedy club, there's a family

structure. There's the mom, the dad, the aunts, the uncles, those kids, you know, the waitresses, the kids, and the owners of the mom and dad, and the managers of the aunts and the uncles, and that's their family. They've been working, they've been there for years together, people have come in and out, and you know, but they have a bond, and they run things their way, and they talk about shit, and they laugh, and they joke, and people hate this one, and like that like that one. I'm a sudden every week there's this new alpha male walking in the room that is the head of the family too. Okay? That the mom and the dad is equal to, right?

And you walk in and you know, you want things a certain way. It's like, you ever see that show where the mom will go to another family? Oh yeah, wife swap. It's the same thing. It's the same thing. It's the same concept. I'm going in and I want the guys to do this much time and I want this in the green room and I want a ride

to the show. But they're like, look, we don't, we don't, the comment, we do it this way. And it's like, fuck you. I want it this way. And it's that power struggle that sometimes gets me stressed out. You know, I'll put it in writing, this is what I want and you send it and they,

but they don't read it. They don't fucking read it. And you have to remind them. They just fucking sign it, then how much you're paying you, who gives a fucking less, you know, unless I'm selling out the room and they're making way more money than they should,

are they not gonna go, whatever you mean to me, it's gotta be like, yeah, yeah, that's when you know you're doing all right when the club owner will actually be nice to you. Not all, I just worked out. The brokerage last night, I love that fucking place. I honestly love that place. It was, they're just good, you know, the crowds are great and the guy James is sun, dom,

I mean, his wife is, they're all fucking great. I mean this is his wife is other son They're all fucking great. I mean here's here's how great they are. I go to the show I go Friday they don't try to kill you with you know Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Friday one show Saturday two shows That's it. I'm in I'm out. So that means you know fans can come and see me. It's great They have no pressure on you or nothing, they're not up your ass hall. They're very supportive. We do the shows, they're great shows,

they monitor the room, they know how you like the show, and they make sure whatever you need, and then they send a car for me to pick me up and drop me off, so I don't have to stress out about getting there, because it's a pain to get out there, a long time. And then I leave, and the guy James comes in, he says, hi, blah, blah, but I leave and he was in there.

I come home, he's one of my favorite people. He's just the nicest, just a great guy. I get home at one thirty at night and I was just telling my wife, I was kind of bummed out, James wasn't there because he's usually there and we talk and his wife is there and he just makes me laugh and he's an interesting guy.

My phone rings, it's him. I'm just sorry I couldn't make it. I wasn't there. I had to do this other. But I just want to call and say thank you for coming. I hope you enjoy. What the fuck does that? What club owner actually reaches out to make sure, I'm sorry I couldn't be there. What the fuck? Those little things which are common sense to me, which are just man code. Yeah, it's good, it's human being code,

you know, when you're a good person, that, you know, that mean the world. Yeah, the people that bananas are the same way, they just, that means the world to me. When people just treat you good as a human, make sure you're comfortable as a person. what we do is fucking ridiculously hard it is and if you do it well it's even harder you know what I'm saying so I love that you put that anxiety there is you know that club I didn't have it all week

and I could just not even think about it. That's awesome. That's the best feeling as a comic. But then there's some other clubs where you just get all the stress. Because you know, the, you know, the, the, the, the, the fucking, what the MC is going to do, what the middle is going to do. How much time the club owner, they went over and now fuck, how am I getting back to the room? Is the hotel nice?

Jesus Christ, a fucking, you know what I mean? I was in that condo in Edminkton. I found dirty plates It's like this is why I don't stay here Because this fucking dirt and I don't like dirt on plates. I don't know what the fuck that is now. I got to wash it I Got to do it. I got a now I got to be a maid to fuck that Is that the place that you left a sock in the pillowcase? Yep for the Rosa?

Yeah, do you know if derosa the pillowcase for Deroza. Do you know if Deroza found that sock? He found it. Oh my God. They didn't watch the sheets after you. Oh man. Well I did but Deroza lucked out. I didn't. I had Brian Callan the other week before. And I'm much fucking alpha male jizz is all over that place. He's a man's man. Fucking Callan. He's the best. He's really great. He's one of the funnest guys place. He's a man's man. Fucking Callan. He's the best. He's really great. He's one of the funnest guys ever. He's one of those guys that walks through rain and doesn't get touched.

Yeah, he's just, you know what I mean? He's just awesome. Yeah, he's definitely like Rogan's fucking brother. People think they're brothers. Yeah, they could be. They're the same guy. Same guy, very similar. But yeah, the anxiety, it's like, I mean, do you take pills for it? No, not currently, I used to.

I actually have more depression than anxiety. Why do you get depressed though? You seem like a good kid with a good family, a chick. You're very funny. Oh, thank you. Well, I just have had depression since just even childhood. So it childhood such as there runs my family Also my mom's bipolar so I grew up with a bipolar mom in the house. Your mom likes women and men

Only from Alaska Can you shut the AC off buddy? Yeah You know what fuck it leave it on this I'm sorry this why leave it on because if we shut it off I just shut it off because everybody's gonna be like do what you have it on the whole time I could hear it, but now watch how awesome it sounds when he shuts it off one not fucking ass There you go Wow, I forgot to shut it off

Wow, I forgot to shut it off. It was hot in here. Doesn't it sound great? Yeah, but it was hot. I apologize to all the people listening. And the week before we had the fire detector, and that beep, beep drove some people nuts, which I did. I love that I did. I told you, because we did it intentional.

I've never heard the AC on the podcast before. As a listener, never, never been able to hear it. Well, now you will. You know what I love about the fire alarm? Is that like people don't listen, some people don't listen to the episodes week by week. So people are listening to the episode now.

So I'm getting a trickle of tweets, go, dude, can you change the batteries? What the fuck, dude? I'm like, are you fucking idiot? How do you spell batteries? Batteries? Turn the thing back on. I can't, it's unbearable, the silence. No, really? Isn't it, it sounds stupid? Turn the thing back on. It's all, it's unbearable to silence.

Isn't it, it sounds stupid. I need it back on. You want it? I think I turn it back on. Put it on high. I need the hum now. Really? I need it.

Just for this episode. Remind me never to do it. I just need it back on. Let me see. Other way, other way. There you go. There we go. And a sweet.

Right there, that's good, right there. Sweet sounds of the A conditioner. The sweet sounds of the YKWD AC turning on. Are you lonely? Do you get depressed? Are you talking to Ryan? Yes, sounds, yeah. Don't take pills though.

Pills are the worst thing you can do for that shit. You're just masking. It's like having a cut. Just putting a cloth over it. You know, not getting it stitched. You need to just not I love that you fucking had no confidence in you. It's like a cloth. You get like a cut Where you get it's you know like don't do it If you have a mosquito bite don't scratch it

Look at it. It will go away if you look at it Face it face your mosquito bite head on What do you do when you get depressed? You go to sleep. I'll tell you what I do. I go to I just now I used to eat just fucking eat I mean, I would just savagely Oh get a Lenny's BLT large two bags of sun chips thing a soup Yeah, then just I need so much that I would fall asleep. I would just, I would pass out and you know,

I just wake up in a like a fucking coma. Yeah, and fail even worse. Yeah, what do you do? Sometimes I eat, usually I just live while being really depressed and just like, you know, and you just flat, you lose interest in stuff. So you bump everybody out? Yeah, pretty much.

That's it. My poor girlfriend. I'm throughout. I tell her like, I am depressed this week or like today. I just get down. I just get really just sad. People that have never been there though, they don't understand that. Like you're actually saying the words, I get depressed.

People like, I don't, I'm like, well you don't know, like being in bed till like one, I don't know, it's like, well you don't know, like being in bed till like one, just with the covers over your head, just cause you don't wanna get out of bed. Yeah, I always get out of bed, but like. No, I don't. Really? Look at this connection.

Yeah, I'm the queen. I was like, oh, I'll be back in the womb. They call that sheet therapy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I found's a really good thing to do though, is that whenever you're like that and you like you're saying when I was saying you bum people out because you can't help but being like oh I'm so like a bit of a ask people how they are. If you're

feeling shit ask him like how are you what's going on? How's your mom? Like how's work? How's this? You've already just said dead. Your mom's like that is she oh no Helps you taking the crazy. Yeah, this is takes a shit off yourself by asking people how they are and you can It can take you out of your own shitty moment. Welcome back to therapy with an Aussie with WTF Thank you for listening to NPR's new show How not to kill yourself with an Australian accent Might you want to get out of the bed mate. I hang on one second. This is Colin Colin hello, hey, we're you're on the podcast. We're we're taping a show live, you're on the podcast.

We're taping a show live. You're on the show, just letting us know. Oh, exciting. Yes. We have Kelly Fistuka. Hi, Colin. Hi. Hi, Colin.

We have Monroe. Hi. You know what you do, Dad? Do you know Monroe? I'm sure I do. I'm rather large African American. Yeah, with glasses glasses because you want to see him less intimidating. Oh, really? Yeah, well, you know that white people aren't afraid

of guys that read. Yeah, I know. That always works. Meanwhile, the only brothers of glasses that are that big are like doing 16 years. 15 years It is a total opposite effect it's more intimidating And I also got Ryan Dune Very famous very famous vine you know what vine is Sure what is it you're the king of vine you know what vine is? Sure. What is it? You're the king of vine, you're always on there. I'm not the king of vine, this guy is 20,000, almost 20,000 followers on vine in like a couple months.

Wow. He's very, yeah. Hi Colin. Hi Ryan, dude. You want to hear him? He does the best JZ ever, you ready? Sure. Hey, you all sub-colon, Quint. want to hear him he does he does the best jazzy ever you ready sure that's that yeah and you know what's up calling when that that that that that that that you know it's been a tough crowd but i'm still handing hanging in calling

quint that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the billy burr i guarantee that that impression even though it's great is pushing the moonrole off right now i can do a good key we he doesn't keep robinson you want to hear you want to hear Keith Robinson sure now shut up stope it oh my god. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

That was great. You were about to fuck with me. You better admit. You're bothering me. You're bothering me. You're furious. Well, if Gary is most people doing, most people do keep like energetic. He's actually doing getting tired.

It's 10.30 at night. I got to cut the swirls, I mean. Oh my god. Get a good swirl. swirls, I mean. Oh my god. Get a good swirl. This guy, this guy Ryan can beat box. I had Ryan, I had Ryan and Monroe do a beat box off. Beat box? A beat off.

Tuna beat. Yeah, I'm sure there was another eight mile. But look, I do show today. So I'm going to go. I listen, make sure, where's the show at? Tell everybody. another eight-mile where's the show at televey barrow street theater and how long where is it said i'm sorry

i'm going ahead to head into comedy sell it and then and went and it's running from when to win june third june third barrow stator down in the village what's the website they should go to get tickets uh... you know the small pixel barrow street theater

uh... anyway and uh... it's not that eight o'clock monroe and your people like eight seven o'clock take a miss the sign i went to the tight i went to the thyson thing with the thyson one-man show i'm not kidding you half the play showed up at quarter past eight o'clock And nobody said anything. They just all black people. No, no

Nope, they just walked in and half the place sat it was crazy Tyson actually Tyson came out late Andy went over I'll talk to you later man It's very cool Well you're excited they they're calling called? Yeah, that was great, he's the best. Go see his play, his play is unconstitutional.

It's at the Barrow's Theater and it's running, like he said through June, I believe, right? Yeah, two seconds. I'm going next week, I'll probably go twice. May try to go get a guest spot. You're gonna do a guest spot? I'm a good guest. You wazel you ain't everything, right? I'm gonna do Chris Rock's play to waisily wane everything right now.

I'm gonna do Chris Rock's play to Motherfucker with the hat. Can you do Chris? I should have brought him to, we should have brought him to comics. It's a nasty show? Well, I don't know, he's not gonna come down for just a nasty show. All right, I've come down. Can I stay in your room? No.

No, I did not. You can stay with Kelly. Oh, Kelly. Oh Kelly. Oh girl So on ashify your dick You're gonna go a friend, Dave. Oh, you did have a girlfriend move first, mate. Yeah What is that? That was me Kelly can sing too. Do you know that I heard you you really? Yep. I heard that episode I know, but I started seeing I said when it was Tuesday

Three weeks ago at 445 I was driving in the truck The fuck is wrong with me in the car. Can you sing for me Kelly? I can try but I've got my nods of being playing out So I've been losing my voice a lot Stop fucking swallow in the load. Don't be nervous around me I'm being I feel like I'm being a dickhead. You're not, you're being great. You're being orbs. You're being a man of me.

You fucking Joe and Dan mixed. I do voices and I'm insecure. That's true. Why is turning up in blotches now? No. No. Say it again. Okay.

The rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens Yeah, that's the good by Broughto. It's really good It's I just want I want to fucking see a music if you don't learn listen to me You're a homework you have homework for the next month. Yes, if you if you don't learn the rest of that song I'm talking the whole thing. I'm fucking gonna kill you. Okay. I want you to learn the rest of that song. I'm talking the whole thing. I'm fucking gonna kill you. I want you to know that song. Download it and learn it. I think I do know.

I know, brown paper packages tied up, it's string. These are a few of my favorite things. Look how good my, it's my favorite. Fucking made the electricity shut down. Where the joke bites. what the fuck was that next part of the song? It's the rock part when the dog bites and the fucking Madam Bread the glit and the demons Royce

We're it we're it to I was down. No, no, no, we're at 141. I have a timer on the actual garage. Yeah, because you're wearing cut out the timing of the path that got missed. I fucked up. We only lost eight minutes, man. Eight minutes of whatever. I think we got beautiful stuff. Right? Yeah, I feel good. I'm amazing together. I'm Ryan. All right. He doesn't know. When I really turn it on, he doesn't have to handle it. It's weird. Well, because he was just telling you, he's fucking excited.

He's insecure. He gets depressed. He's very happy right now. He's a little nervous. And you're going, hey, I'm a fucking sucky bulls. Look at him. He gets fucking nervous. When I want my sucky's bulls.

I'm fucking, I'm nervous too too man. I'm fucking weirded out He has it you have a very profound Pronounced what is this called? What is the thing on the between your nose and your upper lip? What is that thing? He looked like he should have a mustache Google that I did just this morning Google what the what is the thing called between your nose? Did just this morning Google what the what is the thing called between your nose? You're up. No the thing on your upper lip. What is that called? Yeah, what is that in debt called? No, that's the clef is in your chin you clef face

What is it? It's called a Something a Pararium. Oh, per's a good thing. What, you wanna kiss it? You do, oh my God. You're the one that offered the kiss you to the tablet. I know, what was that dude? I have to talk about that.

What was that, that fucking scared me. Come on dude, what the fuck? I thought it might scare you. I thought I blew it. I thought I blew my chances of being on the podcast with that tweet. My idea is to juxtapose, can I read the tweet? Do you mind me reading it?

No, I mean, because it's a, if it's private, you know. That's okay. Okay, all right. It's strange. This is, I invite him on the show. I'm a big fan of his vine. And we start DMing and, you know, and it goes like this. You ready? Are you ready? Here's where it goes.

All right, so first of all, it's all him. What are you, are you coming in? And for how long? And this is me. What's your vine idea? Cause you said he had a vine idea. Can you not, can you, can you now say, I don't know what the fuck I wrote.

Cool, thanks for following. I have a strange idea. It's funny to contradict being straight with acting gay. I read that. Now it just stopped. It went dot, dot, dot. And I was like, what? 140 characters.

Okay, right. So then it said, my idea involves two masculine dudes, me and you, sharing chaps by kissing each other. Okay, now my asshole is tightened, my dick went inside, my elbows go up, my shoulders are next to my ear. I don't expect you to be necessarily want to do this, ha ha. I typed ha ha. I'd love to promote my favorite podcast, which was nice. Yeah.

Okay, and we probably come up with funny. That was the part that I stopped reading. And then there was a lot. There was a lot more after that. You were hitting on him and then you tried to mask it. Kind of. Kind of. That's how old guys. He said, kind of.

That's how old guys stopped. So we're just like, let's just joke around like wrestle a bit and you know, I'm bulls in the mouth You really do you know how uncomfortable it would be for you and what a dream smasher would be like if you really Like, oh, I'm gonna be on the show and you're a fan of the show and you're fan of mine You finally get to meet me and you come up with that and I was like sure Let's try it and then you put the chaps to gun and I just start trying to make out with you. You'd be like dude No, no, no, no, no, no, dude.

Fucking dude. Oh my God. I'm like, what did? Come on, you fucking clock, Saka. I'm gonna be in show business. I thought you were fucking. I thought you were a fan now. Fucking I got my little putt out. I mean, you tell my wife I'll fucking kill you again.

I got a, I got a baby coming you clock, Saka. I said, my God. Dude, what the fuck? Don't speak to me. Yeah, right. I got a baby coming you clock, Saka. That's my card. What? Don't speak to me, son. Yeah, you're right. I'm speaking your truth. Okay, below me, but no talking, Bobby. No worries.

I'm gonna do it in a Dundan every first. Dundan, Dundan. That's kind of good. Sook my dick. Go downtown. Dundan, the bed. Dundan, Dundan. Dundan, Dundan, Bobby. Dundan, Bobby. Go downtown. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun It's called gay. It's tough to put in words. I picture like two dudes, one dude like, Hey bro, he says, Hey bro, he's like, we want some traps stick.

He says, sure. Then I put the traps stick on my lips, and we just kiss, and that's how we apply traps stick. Do you really have to kiss? Or was it just gonna be a cut? And then, I was gonna really kiss. See that's funny,

yeah, for the joke lies in the shock value of two men kissing, but it's funny, I cut it before the kiss, cause it implies the joke. Then I wouldn't have to kiss it. First of all, if I kiss you, I don't know if there's any coming back. I mean, I don't know if you're looking at these lips, and my wife is here, she's got a baby in her belly, because of these lips.

But he will make you famous. Yeah. Can you make that? Can you say the white version of that? I don't know how to say the white version. You meet Kim Kardashian right now, if he kisses you. I guess that's not the white version. That's actually blacker. He'll make you famous if you kiss him.

Yeah. No, he'd actually make me think his. He I have 2000 followers on Vine. vine he has 20 thousand people in two months Yeah, but you have a podcast This has mine no Fucking fucked up Brian I would attack him as a black How those bloodshed is coming along

The fuck does that mean dude? You're right, I agree you're people will follow him. He'll be more Googlable How those blushes coming along the fuck does that mean dude? You're people will follow him he'll be more Googleable Googleable Oh, man, is it yeah, that's not a word Googleable you're missing the point here. I get to keep your phone if it's not a word The you I'm serious. I'm if it is a word he gets you watch You don't want my watch I said I want that one. Oh, no you ain't getting this watch missing the point The point was that the chap's story is that Bobby has luscious lips look at the look at him

Come on man. Well, he has a nice. He has a nice lips too. He's got a nice upper lip. Yeah Yeah, you don't flimtrum flim flim flim You don't you like his bottom lip Kelly? Oh, Oh yeah, it's alright Would you suck on it? I do like, he's got a three day growth going on I like that he has a safe That's the fucking, that's the smorning What is the shave laugh today? I had a beard and I just tell you the truth

I just trimmed it with a buzzer It's not a natural shout out You like that? Yeah, I like unshaven But not too be itty Give us the word Monroe come on man You know you know, what is it? Can you what is it?

Google boo. What'd you get that? Herb addiction area calm definition of Google bull searches that are able to find Google Do you when you were to give it out what when you watch? Where do you where do you find it too small for him to read? Where did you find it? small for him to raid? Where did you find it Taking a picture with no watch And I'm that Is that yeah, but is that an urban dictionary fuck you god damn listen to heavy

Now someone call the police and report theft God look at you no don't break my watch to get it on That's it. That's as far as you get it right there Give me that watch back. I'm so glad that didn't fit over you fucking huge hand. Would you get the beads? Oh I think these are ones already gave me when the sun passed away. Oh geez. No sad there now We have to do five more minutes just to uplift the podcast because you brought up Artie's son's death.

What do you ask me? I didn't ask you for the realsies. All right, well, a friend gave him to me. Yeah, okay, good. Then we could have done, fuck me. He's from Vine gave it to him after you blew him. What? The gayest show ever.

I'm not supposed to even hear for it. So, I understand what you mean, it'd be funny if two guys like me ate what's up, how you doing? What's going on, you got some chapstick? Yeah, and you were like, yeah. Yeah, and then you fucking put it on your lips, and then I go in the kitchen and then I come back and I'm doing this. Yeah, I don't know if we could do it. That's actually what we'd have to do on YouTube, that sounds a little long. Yeah, it does. I'm not sure if it would work on it.

Yeah, I don't think it would work. And you know what, this would suck because we'd have to if we didn't get it on the set, we'd have to keep doing it. Yeah. Just me and you kissing each other at a bus stop in New York. It's fucking it. Take 47. My wife would walk by. I know it. So what do you what do you plan on doing with you, Vanya? You're gonna are you gonna push this more? You're gonna you're gonna you're gonna try to become the next famous motherfucker? I'm trying to just keep doing my vines. That'll be their own thing.

Probably do a use. Can I ask you a question? How do you get more? Do you put hashtags? Those help. Because I see the other guy, like Rudy does a lot of hashtags. Yeah. Does that help?

I think it does. I think people search hashtags. I don't really like to do that. I mean, I guess I should. I'd like to be able to be at a point where I just don't have to do hashtags. How do you get people to follow you? Is it like a retweet or is it just that friends repost you and then other people follow you? It's like Twitter or all. All right, so what I did a little behind the scenes you guys might not.

Yeah, tell us. Respect this. Oh. All right, so I had to do a little hustling at first because I'm a nobody, no one would ever see me. So what I did, Will Sassel released a Corey video, like, I'm Corey, yes. And I connected with it, I was like, this is my type of thing.

I followed the first, he released it, like a minute, he released it in one minute, I saw it in that minute. I followed the first 500 people that liked that video and then I got followers from that because they liked my stuff. And then time went on, I'm looking at those 500 people's videos, they weren't good, I'd unfollow them if they sucked. So what I had to do at first was follow some people

in order to be seen. And then from there, once I like a small group, Sami, from there, it started building. And how do you get followers? You've got to make it on the popular now page. That's when you really get followers. So I just have to like work my way up to get on the popular now page.

How do you do that? You got to have followers, unfortunately. Yeah, but is there, is, don't, I, what is that on an explore popular now? Yep. I guarantee popular now. Where is it popular now? There's a lot of terrible,

magic, your mom, all popular now. But here's the thing, is like, okay, I'm sure this is not like, Chris Delia, I mean, he's funny though. I like Chris. I like Chris. He's really funny.

I want to be his friend. You want to be his friend? Yeah, so what I don't know him he blocked me on Twitter, too. Did he? Why? I tried riffing with him What you did, but he doesn't know me. What you do? I just I tried riffing with him I don't even know how to block me. I think he's tweeted something and I tried riffing with him, I don't even know what it is. I blocked me. I think he's tweeted something and I tried to like, add an additional tag or joke and he probably thought it was, I was insulting him. He blocked you, though? Yeah.

Jay, you would have said something bad. I think I was just being sarcastic and obviously you can't tell that on Twitter. Yeah, you can't read and talk to him. He doesn't know me. Well, that's the thing with people that they don't know, you can't read tone. I don't know who your fan is.

You get people that really hate you that want to see your demise because they're fucking cunts. And you don't know, sometimes you don't know, you get, you don't know. And you'll go on a tear. I'm a right block, a couple of friends one day. Cause I was just going on a tear.

I fuck you and fuck you and block you and fuck you and report and block you and the people like, dude, what'd you do? I said you were great. I was like, oh, sorry, I just came out like a panic blocking fucking frenzy. So maybe, I mean, I don't know, you can't really, but who gives a fuck, who cares?

He follows me on Vine. He's one of the first like big names to follow me on Vine. Really? Yes. That's great. So he knows you're on Vine, but it doesn't fuck. It's so stupid. Well, maybe you should go, yo, Victor Lea, why you wrong following me on Vine. Really? Yes. That's great. So he knows your environment. It doesn't. It's so stupid. Yeah. Well, maybe you should go, yo, Rick, Delia, why you wrong follow me on Twitter? Follow the

dooms and come on, Chris, Delia. Yo, if you listen to this, hope it wants to follow back. No, he doesn't listen to this. No, no, no, comment. Yeah. Um, well, dude, I wish you all the success. I'm glad you came on the show. Did you have a good time? I had a blast. I'm sad it's ending. Yeah, me too, but it's got to end.

I got my beautiful wife sitting over there. It's Mother's Day. She's kind of a, I don't even know. You don't deserve, I don't, I think this counts. No, it doesn't. What? I don't know if it counts or not. Don't talk.

It doesn't. Is he kicking right now? Yeah, but you ain't in ain't outside breathe in air right now You ain't a mother yet. You're kind of a mother. You're almost a mom It if they have almost mom day. Yeah, you're almost there. So you ain't getting shit I'll get you lunch. Is you cool with that? Why am I talking like my morale you is you cool with that? I Don't speak like that. I know

You cool with lunch, huh? Put your glasses back on can I wear your glasses for a second? By the way, I want to see what I look like Kelly can you pass those down or grind? I'll take you to lunch. Oh fuck Drop the phone quick. I'm gonna take over I KD News radio I reglass welcome welcome to the new IKWD I'm on the Mark Marins network and I just can't I hate myself and we get are we good? Oh these fucking cats

Yeah, we good we good we good we good transcend. He says transcend at least once a show transcend and I You know I came to fruition through my own analytical Annunciation because I'm a fuck out All right, so check it out. Oh my god. I'm getting actually fit though. They look right on you. Did they look right? Yeah, I look good in glasses Like a snitch from JFK It's a fucking enigma rap in a puzzle rap in a fucking Ruben's kill be clock suck

All right, well, thank you Monroe for coming on. What do you got to plug buddy? Um, I'm at levity when I'm there the night and I'm also there next week Tonight and next week. Well actually this is coming out not this Monday next Monday Okay, so when you what do you got then? I don't know. Good thing. The website what you just give you Twitter. All right, Twitter Monroe Martin III. That's the Roman new. Without the list.

Monroe Martin III. Monroe Martin III. That's how you say third. Third. Third. This is third. It's supposed to serve. Third.

Monroe Martin III. So this Monroe Martin II. And then my website is Monroe Martin comedy dot com awesome. I check it out You only got 400 followers so yeah, I forget to take a tweet funny shit and I have to tell them I'm fucking funny on Twitter. Yeah, but I don't know. I don't want to follow you because you're so aggressive and Overco overly confident maybe that's why I don't have any followers. All right, well follow him on Twitter, go to his website, Ryan, what do you got, buddy?

You got a website? It's nothing's up there yet, but follow me on Twitter. It's at me, Rhydune, because Rhydune was taken. Follow me on Vine, Rhydune. I'll be at grandma's basement at Howard Johnson Hotel on Boyleston Street If I'm a park next Thursday for a terrible open mic really it's actually really good open mic. Yeah grandma's basement It's in the whole drone here family park. I'm like underground like it's a it's a comic spot

I can do it man. Those are the best places. Yeah boss boss. They're places to do it Boss is one of the best comedy communities on the planet. That's great. They pump out some of the funniest motherfuckers ever to walk there. Everyone's been really cool. I was expecting people to not want to like associate with me just because I'm a nobody but Everyone's been super cool. And I'm here right now, which is amazing. You've been very cool. And you just plugged their fucking show. Yeah fucking come on grandma. Fucking do us. Come on fucking clock. So I plug you on the yk wadish I'll be there Thursday night if there's not a socks game Kelly, what do you got my website kellypistuga.com and

Foxwood I didn't plug it in the middle. Why did you let me forget that? I'm right on the well? Why did you let me forget it? I'm sorry? You're all yeah, I want Come on, let's get everyone if you you're a little bit of a show and you're fan of me, or mostly a fan of Bobby first, and then I just happen to be there. If you're a fan of me, this bitch just revealed herself. Man, you're a me cocky. I know. I said it. I realize that I want to go back. I want more than three people to show up with the show Okay, if you're a fan of me and I'm gonna say

Ben of Bobby if you're a fan of me this bitch just reveal themselves That's what she's What the fucking saying I want people to come you no know, I, what the fuck are you saying? I want people to come, you know. No, no, no, no, come. So you're gonna be there. Being a girlfriend. Yeah, don't bring a girlfriend. Get some bussets.

You know what? I'm not a gambling guy. I'm just going for, just gone for you. I want to gamble. Do you gamble? How are you gonna gamble? Yeah, you're gambling with the rest of your life by doing comedy.

I want to get, I want to get a casino. I want to get more like a scene on what's about. But that's June 27th, 28th, 29th. June 27th, let me plug it. All right, if you want to come see Kelly, June 27th, 28th, 29th at comics at Foxwoods. It's a big show. It's a YKWD show. I'm bringing Kelly.

I'm bringing Louis J. Gomez. It's going to be great. So tell your friends, get your tickets now. Make sure you bring a bunch of people. Let's pack this place. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, that's it. Saturday, late show, we're doing a nest issue. It's going to be us three, maybe one mother, comic or two. It's going to be, it's going to be crazy. It's going be crazy, it's gonna be fun. So make sure you get your tickets now. Thursday night we wanna pack out,

Friday night we wanna pack the fuck out. So if you're gonna come those nights are great. Sat in, of course, but make sure you buy tickets. 27th, 28th, 29th of June. And I'm gonna be a dad by then, hopefully. If it's still inside her We're in trouble We're enjoying. He's my new hunting knife to get it out, but Fixing

Make sure you buy tickets right where do they go to buy tickets Kelly? I can go to your website robakelylive.com There you go brand new website my app you can buy tickets from the roba ke Robert Kelly live on the app store and get the riot cast out I'm so fucking sick I meet people at the shows all weekend fan of the podcast did you get the app what app we have an app that you can get all the shows look at that Ryan has it got it yeah you get all the shows we have an iPad app and's not the, it's not an iPhone app that goes on your iPad where you have to double time it. It's an actual separate app for the iPad. It's a different app.

So we have an iPad and iPhone app, rikast.com. It's an unbelievable app. 12 shows at the tips of your fingers, videos, it has our show dates everything so go get it ryecast.com on the app store and get my app Rob at Calais live on the app store. Make sure you donate and use our sponsors Amazon and Gamefly and twick.io.com. Make sure you go see Colin Quinn at the what theater is it Kelly. That's the Barryrow. Barrow's, thank you, Don.

That's not source, he said Barrow. She said Barrow. See the Barrow, need? Barrow's theater. It's every night at 8 o'clock, I think, two on Sunday. It's going through June. Unconstitutional. Go support our friend.

He's one of the funniest guys in the business. Make sure you check out Ryan on Vine. Check me out on Vine and Twitter, support all of us and come to our live shows. You guys who show up and you come up after the show and say, fan of the podcast, it means a lot to us. It means that what we're doing here actually transcends to you guys. Do you like that?

Transcend. I used it. And you actually show up and support us live because that's what we really do. That's it. So we're out here, thanks a lot. Duh, duh, duh, duh. So check it out, make sure you go to tweetaudio.com by yourself, a pair of headphones, in-air, mic, non-might, wood grain,

green, lime green, white, all kinds of colors, all kinds of styles, and their great quality headphones for a cheap price and get this. Use the code word dude when you check out you get another 33% off. That's right, 33% off. That's close to almost half. It's a lot actually. And free shipping. So make sure you go to Tweak.io.com, get yourself a few pairs of headphones. You'll just get one. It's not worth it. I think they wind up being ten bucks a pair. I don't know what it is, but it's crazy. So buy a few. Give some away. Great gifts. Tweak.io.com, code word, dude. 33% off free shipping right now. And make sure you go to ryecast.com slash roba kelly, that you'll know what dude page

on ryecast. And there's an Amazon link and a game flight link. Anything you buy on the internet, you go through our Amazon link. That's how you support the show. Go to our page, book market, and just buy shit. Just buy whatever the fuck you're gonna buy, but you're also be supporting the show. And gamefly.com slash YKWD, two free weeks of awesome games. Ship right to your house, it's the Netflix of video games. If you're a gamer, you should try it if you haven't already.

So you can cancel on any time too. There you go. You can also donate to the show. If you go to a Ryakast page, YKWD, there's a donate button. I want to thank all you awesome sexy motherfuckers who've donated. All that money has gone to helping out the studio paying for things. It's just making the show better. So we appreciate that.

And make sure you go to ryecast.com and check out some of the most amazing podcasts out there. ryecast.com, we pride ourselves on putting together the most unique, unbelievably funny, interesting podcasts on the internet. It's not just the same thing or the same feel or the same fucking taste over and over and over again. It's different shows, a bunch of different shows. We're all over the fucking charts. We got Bailey J,

we got the Davey Max Sports Show, Weird Medicine with Dr. Steve. We got Hammerfest Egg with Lewis J Gomez. We got all kinds of stuff. We got Glory Home Network. We got Why You Suckin' Bed. I mean, holy caca, there's so much stuff. There's more.

There's even more. Why my wife hates me? I think that's what it's called. Anyway, go there, go to ryecast.com, Jersey Jerks, unbelievable shows, unbelievable, and it's all free. That's right, free. The only thing you can do is help out the shows

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My wife hates me. Jim Florentine, weird medicine. The comedy sell alive from the comedy sell. The glory hole, Bailey J, David McSports program, why you suckin bed, mad scientist party hour, the Jersey jerks, and hammer fisting are the shows on the network, all hilarious, all free, and every week they're up there for your enjoyment. So make sure you go support them all, all of them, and get the app.

I pad, I phone, and Android is coming soon. Make sure you email us at ykwdryakast.com. You have anything, anything. You want to give us props, you want to tell us some suggestions, who to have on the show, blah blah blah blah. YKWD atryakast.com. I'm sitting in my underwear right now on my iPhone with my awesome mic that I can get. block YKWD at ridecast.com. I'm sitting in my underwear right now on my iPhone with my awesome mic that I got from

Carl. And I'm dead Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck You know what I'm dead Fuck this fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck You know what I'm dead Really, really, really, really Don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. you