Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - It's Cocktober

Episode Date: October 7, 2013

Robert is joined by Dan Sider, Joe List, Luis J Gomez, Kelly Fastuca, Aaron Berg and Patrick Milligan. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid.

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3 por uno, 3 por uno, ah no, no, no ¡Dominos! Pizza Separate? 3x1, 3x1, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I try to keep it like a comic-can. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down. And sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's intense. It's rubber-killing. You know what? It's not poppy. It's not directions.

But I love doing it. What you can't step. Time. Come on. Come on. Come on. And we're here, like a WD. The faces.

You can tell everybody's personality by the face because of the new intro. We are, we are like, he this got his car down That is one of the new intros from Troy Cwan from the ONA show The Rosa is gonna be very disappointed why because you know you're not using his old one I don't why do I have to say why you can just say that sense and everybody should go we get it Joe the Rosas gonna be very disappointed why because it's Joe the Rosa what happened? connection to use stream. Ah. OK.

OK. Yep. OK. I can't fake that excitement again. I don't want you to fucking start broadcasting. I don't think we can do it. I don't think I can start again. You can try, but I don't think it's going to work,

because I don't think we can run both at the same time. You must be broke. I am broke. No, you can't. What happened to the... just give me the I need the fuck all this. I want you to go. Huh? There we go. Are we back on? Yep. Stop recording. Should I make? No, you didn't. Hit record. All right, we're recording now. What the hell is that? Motorcyclist attacking your man. Is that a maglev?

Yeah. Is his hero? Alright, so fuck all this. Listen, you stream people. This is a test. I don't think it's going to fucking work. But go to Garage Man, make sure I'm recording that. That's all I give a fuck about is the actual audio. Alright, we're good. Okay, here we go. Fucking joe. Joe, you didn't like the intro? I like it All right, then why do you have that shitty face on feels a little pretentious for us know

What is very big you've never we have an intro every show I never heard it before no Listen to the show. I don't listen either listen. I do listen No, I like the intro now some guys gonna fucking want to fight me because you said I didn't like it Well, you said you had your fingers over your nose like it's stunk. I was trying to be funny. And his name is Rayquan so he's black. That's Troy Wands. That's Troy Wands.

And he's not, he's hipster. He's a hipster? Yeah, I think it stinks. No, but he's actually, he's a big hipster. He's a hipster. Oh, jeez. We have Patrick Milligan. That's actually Mulligan.

I know, Milligan. Yeah, you're looking with an M. From the Stan, Crinchuma, and prisons near you. Yes, Suffolk County represent, six, three, one. When are you gonna fucking quit that job? I can retire, I just gotta make money with the club. That's the next step. You're gonna retire?

I got you in my years, isn't ya? Really, you can retire and get a pension? Yeah, what am I, in my sixies, yeah. I got ten years in already. No shit. Yeah. You're gonna have a better life than all of us at the end. Hopefully.

You know that? Yeah, but you're still gonna look like that, so. You're a teethe fixed. Little bit, yeah. Yeah, a little bit. What'd you get done? I just had feelings within. Did they fill your mouth?

And we got Mike, what's your last name? That's the best thing. I've never heard of my wife. Miguel Torres. Miguel Torres, the... What happened? Jimmy's Latin comic. Fuck you, stream. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. This is too much internet coming on. Yeah, who were? I don't know. I fuck you stream. Back to my mind. Go on Twitter. Go on Twitter and say it's not working. We're fixing the problem. Go fight. It was a test. Sorry.

Sorry, drove from my friend Mike. Aaron Berg. Aaron Berg. Thanks, Robert. You look like a Mike. You don't look like an Aaron Berg. All right. You do. I mean, back when you look Jewish, I never

really looked Jewish. Yeah, you did. Yeah, you could. There was never a point in time. Really? Yeah. When he had his hair plugs, he did. You know, hair, I had a hair piece for a while. Hang on one second. We're not jumping out of that. Let me introduce him. And we're getting back to you. A fucking nice, perling days. It looks like they pulled Aaron out of Bobby Kelly like a Russian egg. Yeah, you're the last fat egg. Okay, and then of course we got Joe aka the truth. Who's wearing double glasses today? DGs. He's wearing my shades.

Are these your shades? Yes. Oh, man. Those are actually my shades. Oh, wow. Oh, well apparently they're Chris' shades. I was trying shades? Yes. Oh, man. Actually, my shades. Oh, wow. Oh, well, apparently they're Chris' shades. I was trying to steal them.

Can you catch on funny? Chris, why do you have hot mom glasses? That's what I want to know. They look like red men's glasses. I have those with Christmas. You're going to keep the garage band up so we make sure we're fucking that always has to be up Somewhere so I can see that we're running. We're working this shit out. We just added this new computer to the studio

We got new video cameras and this is what sucks Kelly for stucas in studio to I did not. I did not. I did not. I did not. I don't set him up like that. You just don't do that. I did not mean that.

I did not. I did not. I did not. He literally said this is what sucks. Kelly Fistuka is here. He got it. Stop it. I am.

Matt is over. I am. Matt is over. I am. I listen. Here's a deal. We got all this new shit in the studio. We got high-deaf cameras

We have the U stream, but in Lower Manhattan people don't know this they think Manhattan is the fucking mechor of everything It's not okay. It's fucking gazillions of years old They got shit on all the pipes and water pipes and sewer pipes and technology is fucking a hundred years old There's no good internet in Lower Manhattan. For right, that's absolutely true. We're not even in Lower Manhattan. We're in Lower Manhattan, absolutely. This is the...

The village. It's the lower Manhattan. If you were to look on a fucking map, you'd be like, that's lower than fucking... Lower than Upper West Side. Anything but it's lower. It's lower. It's anything...

Well, it's lower, but no one would ever call the village Lower Manhattan. It's Lower Manhattan. lower, but no one would ever call the village lower man It's lower man When you had as a section when you can listen listen you gonna you dumb dumb listen You're dumb. No, you're dumb dumb. You're dumbest dumb. You're the dumbest dumbest dumbest dumbest them dumb dumb fuck you When you're talking about Internet they call this part lower Manhattan. They're sectioned off. When they're talking about life, he's just making shit up.

As he's talking about, nobody's saying anything right now. When they're talking about restaurants, apartments, buildings, fucking business, lower Manhattan is fucking downtown. You dumb dumb. We're like eight stops from lower Manhattan. Downtown is downtown. This is lower Manhattan. Get any, what do you, what are you guys stepping in here? Lower Manhattan is the World Trade Center.

He's already agree with me. Michael is already agree with me. I already agreed. If you said I'm in Lower Manhattan people would think that you were amongst skyscrapers. No, that's Downtown. That's Wall Street. This is Lower Manhattan. Anyways, go ahead with your dumb internet. This is part of... No. You have fucking flip me off. You're fucking small mouth fucking douche. I'm upset that no one is stepping manhand. Anyways, go ahead with your dumb internet story. This is part of, no. You have fucking flipped me off.

You're fucking small mouth fucking douche. I'm upset that no one is stepping in here. Because no one agrees with you. That's why. What do you, I mean, I, it didn't bug me that he said lower manhand. It didn't, because I mean, I understand what you mean. But if someone texted you, I'm in lower manhand.

Where do you think, immediately? I'm the student of the financial district. However, if you're just talking about midtown upper Manhattan lower Manhattan this is not midtown this is lower Manhattan christ and that's the way it's i'm low i mean lower Manhattan where do you think they are it's midtown lower Manhattan upper Manhattan when you sectioned off a tree

the upper Manhattan uptown it's uptown uptown uptown mid Oh my god, you're uptown. Uptown, midtown, lower town. Uptown, down. I just think he's making up the fact that the pipes and the wiring is fucked up out here. Absolutely true.

Absolutely true. They have no good internet. You can't get Verizon. They don't have any, it's all old. No direct TV. It's terrible down here. You can't get direct TV. You can only get time and water.

Listen to me. And it's shit internet. You can't even get, you can only get time Warner and it's shit internet You can't get do you think the entire Financial hub of the world which is located in lower Manhattan can't get internet But I like they're like cables and I'm not talking to you Kelly Oh, if you want to talk to me you go to my website Kelly for sukkasux.com You submit a phone with comments. I can't believe first of all I can't believe you really got that yeah He really had I actually went home

I read it funny Kelly for stugasux.com and his website is dumb I can't believe first of all I can't believe you really got that yeah, he really had I actually went home Cali was still good sucks calm and his website is dumb gray skinned face Fucking cheese smile when he's with the teeth of the same color of his skin She told people she's like what I'm gonna go by leave a shit gamma sucks my did it I would own it you fucking asshole So you can have a 500 dollars. You said you can't buy Louis J. Gomez sucks because I've already got it. I was like, I won't wait for my money anyway. Dave Kenny told me you said that you were gonna buy Louis J. Gomez sucks. Dave Kenny told me that he was sad. You look sad. I can't believe you're spending $40 a year just to troll her. Yeah. That's like $11 a year. I'm gonna go get a go daddy. Oh, are you?

Go, Daddy. Go, Daddy. Oh, are you? Are you in love with her? I can't love. You know that. So anyways, the internet down, there's nothing we can do. I had known the owner of this facility. I told him we were going to pay for it.

Whatever it is, we'll pay for the highest fee. And he can't get it. You cannot get it. You can't get good internet down here so i apologize to all the people on you stream that were watching it i don't know what the fuck happened i'm gonna have to figure out another way i think we i don't think we can do both i don't think we can do you stream and garage band at the same fucking time i don't know louis do you know you should be able to do that that should be that

crazy you know you know anyway but why don't you ask about why don't you plug into your computer on a garage band and do you stream through that? That's what I'm gonna do next time. I'm gonna have to bring my computer now I'm gonna have to do I didn't want to do that though I the whole reason why we bought this new computer System is so that I wouldn't have to plug my fucking heavy MacBook Air that weighs under three pounds We really are just a bunch of cunts in this world.

It's too heavy, it weighs the pounds and it hurts my back. But so I apologize to the show. Did you send the tweet out to tell everybody? I sent it out. I got Mike the new Badusa. He's the Badusa the show. That's great. Chris, that's great.

Chris, that's great. That's great Mike. That's great Mike. You're Mike, so listen. No Mike. No Mike. So listen, anyways, where is fucking soda? He's on his way. He just texted me. What does he film in Guy's Shmoed?

You know what? He yelled him. Guys, guys don't eat pump and nickel. The real man has wheat or white. Boo. Guys don't carve pumpkins. We throw eggs. Don't call it guy

Shmoat around him he will fucking lose it so Aaron yeah you were you really had a wig yeah the hairpiece for about it's called a wig all right yeah wig let me ask let me ask you a question yeah this is because I was in the same I've I've been in the same moment of life as you've been when you go bald. Yeah When you're like, okay, there's options. It wasn't for me right when I went bald It was like after several years. I was comfortable being bald. You were bald and then you got a hair piece Yeah, I went through you it was a career move I thought I would get better parts on TV and film if I had a hair piece and he got none

I got the very first audition ahead was a supporting role in Hollywood feature and it turned out to be a horrible film. Well, turn that to be a horrible film. Don't call it a Hollywood feature. It was a horrible film. It's all right. It was a horrible film. So you had, so you, you got, now did you, when you went to

Hair Makeup were you nervous? Yeah. I had to, I had to sit the hair lady down and say like, just so you know. He was in between Honeywagas. Psst. Psst. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no did you, what, what, what, and it was expensive. It was like 400 bucks a month. Was it a month? Yeah.

Yeah. It's like here for men. It's a hair sale. You keep it on all the time and then like you brush it and like your fake hair falls out. Like a woman with a wheel. And then you have to go into the place and they give you a new one like every, every month.

And escalate for 350 a month. That's exactly what I thought. Here's the deal. Okay. So you decide, you're bald. Everybody knows you as bald. everybody knows you as bald. Everybody accepts you as bald. You shave your head at that point,

and then you say, now you gotta grow your hair back because they gotta tie this in somewhere. That's right. They need some fucking foundation. You got it. So you gotta grow your shitty hair in. Oh yeah, like the Jewie accountant hair that I have, it's all patchy and shit like that.

Right, you gotta grow that in. How long does that take? That takes a good six weeks. Six weeks of growing your shit here. Do you go out? No, I never do that. I wear a tuk. I wore like a tuk, like a Canadian hat, like one of those warm.

So you walk around the fucking hat on. I hat all the time. In July. On stage for an hour, sweating through a tuk. Yeah. Oh, Jackie Mason feels. Yeah. So you wear in this hat hat you grow it back finally

Yeah, you go in and you pick out the color your hair. Yeah, well, they have to match Is it like in a car? Yeah, you like brown and the first time they screwed it up So they brought it and I was so excited. I just wanted to wear and then we they're like oh, it's too light I'm like I don't care like a new iPhone I want to use it. I want to use 5c Yeah, so you went in and they tie it in? No, they glue it in the back and then you tape it in the front. Oh God.

That didn't fuck with you. That's how they fixed it. A little bit. But I thought it. Ah, Lewis is on fire today. He brought in his cock, by the way. That's Lewis' cocktober. Cocktober.

Don't touch it. You don't want to ever... Why would you have a touch of Dildo that Lewis has? Hi Dan, soda. Welcome buddy. It's a very realistic looking Dildo. It is. It's a little too saggy.

It's like bumpy and saggy and it's small. That's actually... That's actually a replica of Lewis' cock. It loses how to keep it hard. That's what his girl says every time he takes it out. It's saggy, it's bumpy, it's... Look, two real. Two real.

Sorry, dude. Why is it brown? Because he's fucking Puerto Rican. Lewis, how close is this to the real thing? You know what, when I first saw it, I was like, that's kind of close to the real thing. But then when I actually put it out of my pants, like it was my dick, it's a lot smaller than the real thing.

You have a mic, it's a lot smaller than the real thing You have a my dick's a lot thicker Yeah, let's see it really yeah, yeah, let's see you dick My dick okay last episode is asshole. We should be your ass. I was fucking still haunting my dreams pleasant I thought last episode I punched jokingly punched his butt cheek and it slipped in the between Pleasant I thought last episode I punched jokingly punched his butt cheek and it slipped into between And I got moisture on my knuckle I put Vaseline on it a boxing Look how fucking bumpy this it I don't understand what that is it must be vain I like the guy with her pieces like it's all bumpy. Yeah, that's not what a normal dick is supposed to look like nor is mine but

Yeah, that's not what a normal dick is supposed to look like nor is mine, but Dicfai chose dick looks like the walking dead This is a word. Why do you have this? Why do you think it's a mighty vine web series? Cautover starting today. I can't wait till he gets fucking knocked out. Lewis really does have the same bits as like a morning Zoo from Toledo. Hey all this bother we doing in Cacto where you better look out. We're running around slapping people with Cacts. You're like, you can't do your new kids. Why do a spoiler alert? Hello.

Gotta can't wait for some guy in Times Square right by LOL just to stab you with a busty blade. He really is going to take it too far. He does that the web series, comedians pissing, number whatever. Will you want it? Yeah, I choked him right after he did it. He thought his dick was in and he sort of grabbed me by my throat. My throat hurt for like three days later.

Wow. He's a big dude. Well, he's not big. He's short, strong. I gotta help him with the microphone. Listen. I want three phone books right now. Would you guys like me to watch you

like an egg? You can lift to 20 times your own body weight. Finger extensions to hold the mic. Aaron the Ant-Burn. Aaron the Ant-Burn. He's burned Troy. Sounds like a fucking a kid's book. Sounds like a hit. Aaron the Ant-Burn. Will you bone short? you'll be okay. Follow me this way. Would you like me to watch me lift stuff? So we were just talking about that he went, this is fucking out, because I'm going to explain to everybody.

Patrick almost needs it. Joe doesn't need it. You might have been here, and Dan, you don't need it yet. What have been here and Dan you don't need it yet What's this yet? It's gonna keep his hair. I yeah, I probably I'll have recede. I'll have like the it'll be back But I'll still have the top. Yeah, you live like a shitty vampire hairdo Want to hear my Joe you're gonna like fucking a gay vampire like Tom Papa Man's gonna die of liver disease before loses his hair. Why don't drink anymore? So why would I do that?

That's too late. I don't like that Lewis went immediately to the hyper-conjure. So there is this part when you start to go bald, you have to think about what you're gonna do. Am I gonna spend the fuck in 12 grand on hair plugs and get that scar on the back of my head? Have they evolved? Are they better? Am I gonna get a weave? Am I just gonna go bought what the fuck? Where am I going with this? Because

I'm gonna make a decision. I'm gonna need to let it be shitty looking like the uh, just sweaty and weird looking. And most guys will say fuck it. I'm just gonna shave it off and I'm gonna go like joe rogan he got the plugs he had the money when got plugs and then i don't know what happened but he was like fuck it i'm shaving it and he either he looks way better now uh... jacked up so it helps uh... i forgot you here

i literally was like who the fuck said that i was looking at all your miles and no tells her shh's jacked up. It really looks like you guys are filming, like this is someone listening to the podcast and reacting to it, like that scope of his whole, like he's listening, like, he's all jacked up, like he's talking to the podcast.

Oh, I got no due today, because the Ustream is not working. He was supposed, we have the camera, see the camera, see the camera, we have cameras right now, and we have a camera see the camera. Yeah, see the camera we have cameras right now and we have a producer this great you stream Program and he was gonna sit there and go back and forth and we're all gonna be on video and I can keep doing it And then it goes offline to keep going back until Let me see this stream now and I just want to fuck this up. Okay, I tried to just hit start recording

I mean stop broadcasting so anyways there is a point where bald guys out there oh guys going bald the worst part is the get when you're going bald I fucking I got an early all right let me tell you something I could have fucking walked around for at least three more years with my hair and you wouldn't have known but I was starting to make you know make the little cover-ups with hair from like the sides, spray it. And if it was raining out, I'd be like, I'm not going out. Like, if this gets wet, I'm going to look different.

Like, I'm not going to look the same. Oh, I love to see wet bobby with these hoses. I remember, I seriously, I used to like have to go with the wind because my hair was so like here The widows peak was covered up with hair that wasn't there. Yeah, it was from the middle and the side I'm wishing to gather and it curl up and I'd spray it and if if I you could lift it up and look under It was almost like a little mini comb over on it Did you have to make excuses when like the wind was blowing the wrong way? But I can't let's step in here real quick. I would go with the wind, dude.

I'd tilt my head sideways. I even probably look like a fucking psycho. I wouldn't go out. I wouldn't if it was, dude, just tell you, that's why I was so glad I got a wife. I was like, fuck it. You're gonna have to deal with it. I got to fight.

I would get so mad when my, because sometimes my hair wouldn't stay. So I like, and I had to go and do a show and I had like a bald spot in my little widows peak and it wouldn't, I'd wet it and dry it and wet it and spray it and dry it. What the fuck? I was like, I'm done with this.

I'm going bald. I'm gonna be bald. I'm shaving it the fuck off. Gone. Best thing ever did. What year was that? I forget, Matt Frost shaved it off. That's a B04, I remember.

What the fuck? I knew you had hair. Suck a baby. Actually, tourgasm, right before tourgasm, ready to have O4? When I did, was that show? Was that fucking comic show? Top grab?

No, the shitty one. Comics unleashed. No,ashed cut no that's it you're shaving your head by her now and then uh... but uh... no what's the other one that american a comics idle what is it last time standing when i did that show i had here

and i remember i told maddie I go look if I if I Don't get on the show. I knew I wasn't gonna my actor's just disgusting You can shave my head and he goes all right and he just some stupid bet and he shaved my head over his toilet bowl Then I went to bed with my wife and I didn't tell her and she woke up the next day and screamed her fucking face off So it was just face to face and I was bald and I shaved my goatee at the time too So it was just like a different guy Ball get bed next door. Yeah, I'm yo eyes butter bean in my bed. Yeah We're big done. I had the butter bean joke It's burger for me anymore because I've heard it so many times and with it's such an old reference

Like making a Gilligan's Island. You know what? I kind of like it's almost like a hipster reference We're bringing something back. It's ironic. You are not ironic, right? And your fingers don't match the size of your body. But there was a time, I mean, this guy, you went from bald, living life,

I think I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go to wig. Yeah. And you had to grow your hair in, you go and get the wig, you walk out, I mean, the chicks, you have to go get all new chicks, right? Robert, it was horrible. I had a fiance at the time that accepted it,

because she had fake tits, so she was kinda like, I accept it. Well, it's still fucking work. So it comes off, one doesn't. You can take fake tits now. Yeah, with a knife. A knife and a lot of anger. That's a real, you guys are a real Florida tits back. Yeah, with a knife. Yeah. A knife and a lot of anger. That's what you guys are a real

Fender tits back. You guys are a real Florida couple. Yeah. That's it. Anyway. Did you have a skadoo and a fucking a cigarette party? You guys want to come to our sex party?

Anything goes. Hey guys, we're going to go to Side Split as a Tampa. Yeah. My lady likes to watch. I wear bedazzle t-shirts. I'm overly tan. I have a diamond eagle pants How many fucking bracelets did you own back then? Why did I just go bracelet?

You guys so you come home with this fucking hairdo was it parted down the middle was it feathered what was I got a picture of it If you want, but it's not I'll see you later. But it's all like in front. I looked like Jeremy Piven, kind of like it was brushed over in the front. So you could hide the seam. Yeah, and you have to, right? That's how you can tell most people have it fake. Right. Or if you send in the sun for two hours in lightens.

Literally two hours. Your hairlightens. Yeah. It also doesn't help that everyone's too fatilier than you say the little thing. Yeah. Hair piece. Dude, is that a's too futile or the use of the little Hairpiece Lewis is coming in with cue cards, he's like hey, he steps into this I'm gonna prompt her He really is fire he's been on fire lately and list is quiet

I don't know this is a list is a sniper dude He don't he sits there. He listens and when something's to me. Yeah, he went to T-shirt on Twitter is great What oh yeah, the thing yeah, oh is that a real t-shirt? No, that's just a design for one that the guy made for you So anyway, so you so you come home with this fucking hair that's not yours. Yeah, well, do you know what animal it's from? It's human hair. So some dude donated that hair I guess some dude for cancer and Then they sell it fucking A six four hundred bucks a month Yeah, it's the leftover from some sick from some sick 12 year old girl

Julie's got her hair. What do we do with the rest? Let's give it a muscle-bound weirdo I give it to this vanity douche so so We do it the rest. Let's give it a muscle bound weirdo. I give it to this vanity douche so so So when do you realize that this is not as much as you do? Have you did you have any fuck-ups? Did you jump in a pool and then flap back? Yeah? Yeah, no way. All right, so tell me this I was by myself nobody else was around your own pool. No, I was in Florida nobody else was around Your own pool now was in Florida ironically and

Flexing in the mirror I'll go now. He's all coke diving in the bathtub little cheetah You just did some blow off of a mirror Baby give me the pita framp to now, but I want to do some go Baby give me the pita framp to now, but I want to do some go honey. I'm gonna be milking it my little So you jump in the pool and you feel it flat back up and you're like, ah, they told me that wasn't gonna happen Like more is wigs from good fellows. Yeah, so soon as I get out I'm like, ah fuck so you're gonna get the warranty you start reading warranty

Remember the hair clip from Ben where they always do that confident out of the water? Yeah, very slow motion. Just imagine the hair coming up and everything's far off. Son of a bitch! Water is just beating off it because they got it from a beaver instead of a human. So you come out you've flaps back. Do you have any other fucked up like in public in front of people embarrassing? Did you strip when you had the? No, what the fuck did you just say to me?

You're a stripper. Yeah, used to be here now. No, not now. Well, they're fucking like old strippers. I saw that movie I have a friend that does it. He's 50 now Yeah, and he's had like hampatite to see and he's all skinny and looks gross He still doesn't he's 50 years old he doesn't know anything why are we gonna get in this stripping shit now, too Now you're a bald fucking two pay wear and stripper from Tampa Fucking marky marks you make a fucking movie about you Ladies you like tiny guys with fake hair? You're giving it for Aaron. I see a lot of lawbreakers out there.

Oh god, every time I turned on my hotel for like two months that thing was on there. I didn't know what, and I didn't know. The law says you can't touch a man with a hair piece. I see a lot of lawbreakers in here. The law says you can't fuck with a man under four foot one. I see a lot of law breakers out there. It is look down because you're about to see some of the robotic things.

Take your high heels off if you want to touch the top of this head. So, you never had any really crazy embarrassing in public. No, I mean, like on set. I had to tell the people it was a piece and then there was a point where like, you know, I just had to sit the director down and say this is a piece. I know a guy got fired off of a TV show because he had hair piece and they had to put it, they had to put a, they had to put a wig on him for this thing and he, they would have to glue a wig to a wig and he wouldn't let them do it. And they were like, flip it. He was like, can't just put it on. They're like, no, we have to glue a wig to a wig. And he wouldn't let him do it. And they were like, flip it.

He was like, can't just put it on. They're like, no, we have to glue it on. It has to, you're going to be in a car. And the little clips won't, we have to glue it to your hair. And they're like, it will come out. You can, we get it out. We wash it. You're going to be fun.

And he flipped out because it was a wig. They want to fire them and just fucking glue it to a stunt man. Like a good project. He was on it was a pilot for a TV show Wow, and this guy got fired. I remember I felt baddies crying yet a really good weave It was just a blonde highlighted weave who was it? Oh some fucking hunter. Oh Gary I don't fucking know we've ruined the story where you fucking come in Peter Oh, we've ruined the story where you fucking come in. Peter? You guys know if I got away. But yeah, so you told the lady and then what did she say to you when you said you had

to she go, no, they didn't laugh. They were like, okay, I'm sure they laughed after you. Yeah, once I left, they're loser. As soon as you, as soon as that door shut yeah I guarantee you the gay guy who's always there with a mustache who's always in the fucking the hair and makeup trail hello come over here I'm ready for you that guy and the two broads the milfee broads yeah fucking cracked up at your show is the milfee broads that are in there they really are so so you go in

then they they have to glue it to your hair or they clip it to your hair piece clip what to my hair did you have to get a then they they have to glue it to your hair or they clip it to your hair piece Clip what to my hair did you have to get a what would you have to do all that was in your Really That's it Joe that's all you got I guess okay Joe's in a mood So so when they did your hair, what do they do to it? You know you got spiked it up

It goes back You do is kick Joe a couple times I can old fucking lawn mower I had to get puke and blood in my hair because it was like a zombie movie really so that's how they kind of knew the people that didn't know beforehand. Now do you go back in for a touch up every month or two months? When I had the piece. Yeah. Yeah. So how long was that? I'm very interested. Every month. Every month you have to go back in and do they give you a new one? New piece. So a whole new same exact piece. So they replicate your hair every week, every month. Every month. So you go back in and get a brand new piece and they tap it to your head. Yeah. And then you walk the fuck out. Yeah. Was there any time where it wasn't exactly the same or it wasn't as good as it was the month? It was always pretty good. Really? Yeah. What made you go fuck this I couldn't do stand up with it anymore because I felt like

I Know we're all we're all making funny you in the back No, I don't think I just didn't feel genuine. No, we were You didn't know me at the time and we never work the same place anyway, yeah But You know they were making fun of you. People know. A lot of comics didn't know.

Some comics didn't know. They used to have a wall at Dictorities in Akua Kuh and Worcester. Oh yeah. And there was a wall. There was all these bald guys. There was two guys with hair and then more bald guys. Yeah. It was the row of bald comics.

Except there was two dudes on it with hair and I never knew why Todd Parker was one of them and This I forget this other guy and they were both they both had weaves They both and I didn't know they had a lot of people can't tell when someone has a wave I didn't know this kid out of weave. I just study it awesome fucking hair every fucking day Every day just killing it. Oh, just killing it. He had one of those ones with the bangs

and it kinda went back like an explosion. You know what I mean? Like it was parted in the middle right here. And yeah, like Joe's, but better, like better bangs. I don't think you can give much better than Joe. This is real. You know you get better than Joe's. Joe's got some good money.

Gary Goldman. I'm like, you're as better than mine. I bet on Chris has way better hair Before it's too high Joe. Yeah, you got to say forehead that is the new my hair. Yeah You're I have the best hair on the show. You know what? No, I'm going natural. I'm going natural hair talent I'm gonna list. No way you're out of your mind. You're all in line. You're being phony right now. It looks like my hair's too straight. I have to have prognosis. You're being...

You're being... That was all them talking to each other. I just have to watch you and fucking happen. Right? Lucia Gomez, am I the fucking asshole? Fuck all of you. How about that? I don't even brush it.

This is just wiggle my hair. My hair is just straight. I don't know if I'm gonna put a product there. It's gonna fall down. There you go. I don't know. You need product. I don't need product pride I can do a lot more than I have Seriously, I think Dan I think you're doing you're doing a Keith Robinson and you just go on opposite Chris's hand bothers me

He's so many other days like what the fuck did he say? We all fucking like I have a table for two? I don't know. You're weird. I'm not a waiter actually. You should. I'm in the sanitation business, all right? That'd be a host, by the way, Lewis.

That's a host. That's each people. It deck you fucked up that one. I don't remember that podcast. Stop this abruptly. So anyways, so you're, we all just came apart at once as a group. So you did you check leave you before you're here? You took a hair off?

No, no. So you then you said you went one did you, did you think about it? Did you go honey? I'm thinking about losing my wig. Yeah, I said I'm not going to wear the piece anymore. And she said what? She still got it somewhere. We broke up like a couple of years ago.

I'm pretty sure it's still in storage locker. Did she wear it for Halloween? No, I picture the black dude that she bangs puts it on and uses it as a come towel. Hey, hold on. Look at me, I'm airwax. I'm gonna get a spoiler for it. He puts it on a smaller back and just comes on it. He has to take his sneakers off and put them on his knees.

He walks in like Tim vonwey So uh, uh, she's really banging a black guy now. I don't know that for a fact. Kelly Perk Actually think she's banging a hippie dude now. I think he's like a hippie. Do they have black eyes in Canada? Yeah, he made your hair piece into a bag to hold his hand So listen, so I want to know, you take the hair piece off and then now how long's it been off? Oh, when I move here 30, 40 minutes. 30, 30 minutes. You're just standing down. Oh man, I was scared.

You took it off of the show. Scrubbing my head and the sink, getting the glue off of there. Oh, you guys are taping this? Oh, son of a bitch. You took it off of the show scrubbing my head and the sink getting the glue off in there. That's a little bit. Oh, you guys are taping this? Son of a bitch. So you streamed four years ago, five years ago. Five years ago, you've been this, you've been this. Have you always been jacked up like this?

Yeah, I used to be in better shapes than this. Really? Wow. And you were a stripper. Yeah. Wow. Where's your stripper now? You got a big hog? Brandon. Really? Wow. And you were a stripper. Yeah. Wow. What was your stripper name? You got a big hog?

Brandon. Really? Yeah. It used to be, it shrunk a little, like since I gained weight. Right. I know it's a lightning or something. Like Brandon. You have to.

Elijah. You have to figure out what your demographic is. And I kind of look like Jason Priestley at the time. We were riding the heat in 90210 look at the they do it nickname type you look like a Jason Prizy with your wig did you get like that in the wig then I'll see for a way younger yeah you know I am 58 right now wow your 58 fuck you do seriously I'm 41 everyone believed that that's how

old I know Kelly was like fuck you look no you look great for 58 Eyes look like you're around your eyes. It looks like you've been in the desert for nine years Look at the sun for four weeks straight and relapse when I don't drink a From a a I don't go to a a I was white knuckle in it, but I Relapse for yeah You look like the cowardly lion with your eyes like that. Like this in the eyes, right? You do look, I'm saying Jason, that shouldn't

be your name. Do you want to see my dick, puttable? Ladies, get ready for the lion. One of the girls comes out, yeah, he runs away. And we'll hold him. Do you want to see my dick? You really do. the girls comes out, yeah, he runs away. Oh, little Simulta. You really do. It's not even like a zinc. Like you look your eyes like just like him.

You're really amazing. You really do. I, that's unbelievable that you picked that up. I love the Wizard of Oz. I know you do, yo. And Joe looks like melt needs to be oiled like the Tin Man. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. This is journalong by. Why are you on your phone? I'm excited. I'm excited. I like it. I like it. I like it. This is journalongbei. Why are you on your phone? I'm excited to get a picture of a young Aaron Berg that I just didn't get. Let me see. Can I have it? I'll be right back this weekend. Are you from Canada?

Yeah, I'm from Canada. Let me see. I'm a flavor saver. Mmm. Yeah. Wow. You a really good looking man. Thanks man. I have one of these two.

I have one of these two. I saw yours somewhere. I think a picture of you this weekend at Comic. It was funny because it was like I didn't know any of the Canadian comedians. Yeah, it's Jeremy Hots. Yeah, and then So that's that's fucking crazy. So I'll show you see I mean I got $400 a month. There's a lot of money There was a lot of money Jesus man. That was in 1973. So you can imagine how much I mean, that's $400 a month, there's a lot of money. There was a lot of money. Jesus, man.

And that was in 1973, so you can imagine how much it is now. That's, can I have that bomb bandana? Yeah, that bomb bandana. Right over to him. Don't fucking, don't act like you don't deserve it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Oscar fucking believe Let me see I want to put it up to the camera it does look pretty good actually That's far past it over Lewis Let me say That's

That is crazy You look exactly like that. It's a roll you were born for. They're gonna do a reboot. We need a tiny lion. I'm a caretly kitten. Now when you were stripping, did you show your dick? Yeah, you show the whole piece. Yeah, really. I thought you'd just wore like a little. Did the girls ever, let me ask you this. This is one of my favorite porno, is the British ones where they do the strippers come out

at these Batcherept parties and they're all regular square bitches and then they put a towel up and they put dancing bare. They put, yeah, and they suck, they'll just see this regular like someone's aunt and she looks around and she makes sure nobody's on it's your hat just starts sucking fucking and you're like oh god that's a real blowjob that's a fucking shut up that's a real blowjob that's I got amazing yeah we're like it's like you can tell the difference between a chick who

went action and some fucking milk who's dying to suck a dick for the last 18 years And finally had shut your face in front of me. Go ahead Those chicks here's what happens that most of the time they are porn star chicks and they are real chicks They hire like real girls to do it. No, there's some me tell you there's some that I do that and there's some that don't Here's what happens though, okay? The girls really do it because they get into it and they kind of get horny and they caught up There's one look it up dude. There's one girl. She sucks to do it's dick He comes on her face and then she realizes a camera right there when she's out of the moment She looks the camera and goes oh

She's crying Friends and family are gonna see that the original this original old ones There's like some old lady just suck pops it on the mouth like an old broad and then pushes it away Like well, that's how I used to suck it. It's like there's no she's a hired broad She's just sitting there for the fucking party and the dick pass by and she thought it was like a party favor She sucked it for a second. It's like hand-past appetizers. Yeah, I mean this the there's new ones that are out You're that dancing bear one. Yeah, those are fake But the ones from England.

Still real to me, David. This and they're not real. They're fake. Some of them are real though. Have you ever have a chick sucky dick? Yeah. Really? And your life? Once. So yeah, what happened at the bar?

Okay, cool. So what happened? I, for the first year, I didn't do it. I worked at a very like, I worked at the place that everybody wanted to work at. So the first year Everyone's like if you get cocked and blown or you get caught fucking a girl You're gonna get fired so I didn't want to get fired So I'm glad that he had rules on the one-year anniversary. I went to the back room

Who was the fucking who was the fucking owner Patrick Swayze? No, it's like these mob beast Toronto mob people like want to be Mobster guys the guy thought he was a biker, but he had like a Honda and And then the and they tell you can't do it and then finally on the one year anniversary I was like all right. I'm gonna do it So you know the back I had a Honda you had a Honda motorcycle Honda 500 Had you feel better. I felt good. Yeah, I really I Dorted I did cruises and had fun a lot of fun on my Honda. But you didn't hang out with real bikers at the time? I didn't know, but I would pull up if I was on the highway with a bunch of hot zoom up

next to you and honk my little horn and try to keep pace. Did you have a bunch of accessories? I had saddlebags. I had still little whistles. I like that one Joe, sorry I re-stepped on it, but it's alright. It still do Yeah, I had a lot of the accessories all the accoutrements. Yeah, the old wind visor. How about the Harley guys that have the tassels on there. I had tried doing a bit about this 20 years ago, but

What a weird choice that is the tassels on the Harley Yeah, that's all that's as far as I got with the bit. Yeah, I mean you guys would punch it up and I'd be like that's what I used to say in the sake of it. So you're in you decide, but this is the thing as you're dancing, as you're dancing, they do they want to suck it. Yeah, they touch you. They grab your hog, grab your dick and they try and suck it. And sometimes you're going to be like, nah, you can't do that here. I just imagine being like a gentleman lady back up and And then other times you let him taste it and you keep looking around make sure no one's walking and it's a turn on when you're in public

I don't know if you've like fucked in public before yeah, I fuck you to sell it. You'll come the whole second I used to stick my dick in a chick's put remember that pat back in a day a way back in the day I used to get head in the hallway as they call them my name. You have a little closet, right? Not even in the closet. I remember a chick was in the, I pulled the sheet of summertime, she had little shorts on. I pulled them down, stuck my dick in pump five times. Robert Callie pulled it out, went on with a nice stinky dick.

I knew a chick that ate Norns' assholes and you down says one. Yeah. Good girl. I got head from, I got ahead from two white shakes with dreadlocks in the same night and that closet downstairs in the hallway. What? You know about the closet?

Yeah, have you gotten ahead in there? No, really. Like just, you know, in a different time, I said. That was in Manu, Rann, it's much different now. Oh, I got fucking 19 babies on the floor and that fucking closet. I just just jizz on it.

Oh, I got so much head. I see it. That's a turn on in public, isn't it? Oh my God, public. Yeah. People can see you, it's more of a turn on. The closet's fine. That's a turn on in itself, but a whole other level

of a public. That's not really public if you're in a closet where nobody can see you. It's still a risk. Here's what turns me on. I'm like, me and my, me and Hick, I'm not gonna say which one would, fine like like guys Why did you just tie the bomb band in a tighter?

Here we go a lot of confidence in this story like a stairwell We'd like go down the stairs like outside where people could walk by and just a big look. They'll see you that turns me on Uh-huh. Yeah, all right. Okay. I used to do a code enforcement in my hometown where we would catch people guy code enforcement hometown where we would catch people. Guy code enforcement? Guy code enforcement. Bro, bro, that's not guy code. These bros are peeing too close to each other. Break it up.

Guys don't use wraps, we use bread. Yeah. You can't high five over the girls back. You got to go around. Bro, guy code. You broke my microphone, you fucking ape. Yeah, really acting out in that one. Yeah, he really is.

I used to do code enforcement, and I would would catch people you know having sex in public and I used to get blown while I was doing it by a girl really so your girl would blow you while I'm watching other people I'm sorry I forgot you hate those jokes I'm not throwing you off fucking on suspension yeah, you're on suspension. Don't you do this you're on suspension Two acts of kindness. I want two acts of kindness and you have to suck your own dick right now Suck your own dick Suck your own dick Suck your own dick You're on dick, keep going on dick, suck you're on dick, suck you're on dick, keep sucking suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck, suck, suck, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, I want one act of random kindness by next week.

And I don't want to set up like in pizza bit either. Asshole, if the camera's stationary in front of some random guy, I know you know him. No open mic, or some LL New Yorker. So, scuffle your up. Two story. We can literally leave scobos mic off. Just scream what you want to say.

All right, listen. So you used to get your dick sucked. I got chased off one night. I used to get my dick sucked in front of the Washington Square Park, the NYU right here on McDougal. I'd always have one for the dorms who's getting head. Yeah, yeah, I just fucking, oh, dude, come on. I used to bring girls over and then you know what my thing was,

I used to like to stick it in a couple times in public. Like just find an opening on the shorts or pull their pants down a little bit. That's not a need to just go. What? Hey, who are you fucking? Oh, you fucking out of your chicken. That's not even pussy, you never had that. You fucking You fucking You're not a chick naughty pussy. You never had that

That's called Climidia He's fucking chick with fucking flu pussy No don't mind that Just take on that's just the top layer Just work your way You're gonna break the seal use that flam to break the seal Here use my hanky. I always use this Jesus Christ

Like a little snotty pussy Is that mean if a creepy quake? It's like a cuff and you just get the flam out You know you put a finger in there you know, yeah, hang on stop. Whoa everybody stop the show Kelly go fuck you All right, I'm trying we haven't given you a fucking bandana and so long. I'll wear it with pride. You should fucking own it I'll take it back You were like examining her like she was dead on the side of highway I was looking at that belt. What is that belt? That's her. She's the fucking the world championship of assholes It's not even a waste

86 she's like every woman club owner in the world You need to do that bit That fucking belt stinks. You know what the belt is. It's the hide or gut gives me a waste Yeah, it gives you a waste, it sucks everything in. Yeah. She saw it at H&M, that's what she got it. Yeah. Is it H&M? Uh, nothing about it in Australia.

Oh. Okay. Yeah, conversation. Yeah, I used to like that. You never fucking stuck it. Dan, I'm surprised. What's the two sticky, sticky, digging twice? What is that? Why would you want to do that? I used to just like, you know, put it in a couple times.

Just pop it in. Why wouldn't you leave it in there until you're jacked up a fucking Little kids coming but now you time Just starts jerking it is like putting it in a couple times I'm gonna beat it. I'm like seven, but I'm gonna beat it. I fucked a girl on a playground one time who was, she was four foot eight and it was like three in the morning. We were just, we were like, oh,

hang on. I'm on, see? He takes it over the fucking line, doesn't he? One act of kindness. Joe, back to your story. Go ahead, Joe, back to your story. Oh, I was fucking a girl. Well, I was fucking this girl.

Well, first, we didn't have a place to go because you lived at home so she wanted to fuck in a cemetery like three in the morning and i'm an atheist but i'm still afraid that like devil's gonna take my soul if i'm fucking on a cemetery i'm surprised body was like did you don't get your rocks off in a cemetery that's what you used to do back in the day i have a chicken stick and my

button to set me up so he probably was paying attention to my fucking story but someone else that's talking to you such fill in the day, I didn't have a chick stick or something in my butt in the cemetery. I absolutely. He probably would have if he was paying attention to my fucking story, but someone else that's talking, he starts filling the computer this guy. I was trying to get you, because everybody wants everybody saying, can we see Joe? I was making sure you were on so they could see you, your f**k. So your fans, Lewis, get the f**k out of here. You have a f**k, I try to hijack my show again, I'll kill you. I'm not afraid of you, Bob.

I'm not afraid of you as the question. We're gonna box one down the show not gonna box you're gonna fucking lock you outside I tried to rhyme box and locks and it didn't work my girlfriends no good at karate, but you should see your box Look at the camera dummy. It's over here. What the fuck is that then that's stupid Kelly taking her video you find her I told him we don't need that anymore because we actually doing video when it was Anyways, I did use to fucking cemetery is a great place is to get ahead Why cuz there's nobody there very quiet and they leave them open at night all you got to do is shut You fucking stupid lights off let your eyes adjust to the moon So you don't need and then you drive up and get it up

in a nice wooded area. I used to get my ice in back in the day. I used to love to get my ass eaten. That was my thing. No, I mean, no. In the summer. In the summer. Yeah.

If you come on a headstone, do they come back to life like a zombie? Yeah. That's fucking loose. Fucking tainted jizz. True story, I lost my virginity to the song, because I'm a terror gaits. But I'm a penter.

To Dimebag, Darryl. To Dimebag, Darryl, who's that? What's the bit of a sweet girl? Who did you, who did you lose your virginity to? A relative, a little Goth Girl named Kristen? Did you go the whole song? Yeah, I was a huge metalhead girl. No, no, he really? Did you go the whole song? Yeah, I was a huge metalhead. Did you come by the show? No, no, he said, did you go the whole song? Did you last whole song? Yeah, so it was a pretty long song. Yeah, I, I, I, well, this is a romantic part

in the beginning and then it just fucking kicks in with that riff and that's when you saw pounded. I, that, that solo make you come. It's that good. I didn't, I don't think I came the first time I had sex. Like it was just like I was going to condoms. It was like four hours of just me, me fat pumping on the top of this golf jigsack in bodies. Joe, what was the first girl you had sex with? Who popped you, Cherry? I was like, high school girl. I got no good virgin story.

It was my high school girlfriend. She was very attractive and we had sex. And that was it. I do have a good sex on a playground story that I started telling 97 minutes ago. We had to fucking talk about Pantera for a couple seconds, which is Spanish for Panther. It wasn't this thing by... Well, whatever.

Anyways, I fucked a girl in the playground. She was 4'8", but I realized in the middle of fucking, I realized from any distance, we're on a playground. It was like three in the morning, from any distance, it looks like I'm fucking a kid. So it fucked me up, I couldn't come. That was the girl I got herpes was the girl got herpes from all one You got herpes from a kid from a little midget. Yeah, wow Do you still know where she is? Yeah friends with her?

We're your friends with the girl that gave you herpes. Well, she told me she had herpes. It was my fault Oh, what the fuck? You did it anyway. Yeah No rubber herpes. No rubber I'm a morocotta. No That's a powerful a dick is by the way She told me she told me we were already both naked and I had a a boner and a erection What do you know what I mean? Yeah, she had her and I was gonna fuck I was already right there and she was like

I have herpes and I was like well, I don't she could have told me she had a stop sign, you know I don't know in practice you might still do it I would still do it if I had a con I didn't care. I was like I was ready to go I had a couple cocktails as well. Yeah, yeah I would five fuck chicks with her piece. I just go I got herpes every like so what yeah, I didn't bring them on Wow, let me get that fucking scabies. I had a girl tell me once when she was about to give me head She was like I don't know my throat. I think it might be like herpes in my throat. I was like sure it is When she was about to give me head she was like I don't know my throat. It's a thing. It might be like herpes and my throat I was like sure it is

How'd the sound go? She's in the soup. It's a cold. That's the kind of girl that listens to panterum You know what a really get me wet right now some dime bag Darryl What was your first girl? Patrick I'd a squirrel Angela. She was like Like 10 years old in me like 10 years older than me. Wow, that's fun. She was in town, but she was the one that would blow me

when I did code enforcement. I was a kid. She just came with Suckey deck. Yeah. Give me the age bracket though, I mean, because of it's. I was 17, she was like 26. Wow. That's a good, that's nice.

Yeah, but with the math on 10 years, a lot easier than you just made it seem. Right, right, well, it's a bullfrog figure. So she used a Suckey deck and then she fucked you. Yeah, and then was it a good fuck? I had performance anxiety back then like I couldn't keep it hard with a condom So you know the first few times is a little rough, but did you make you take your shirt off? We don't bear it. No, we also have the formatting side. You get in the dark. She never fuck you in a wet-peer shirt But I remember she had a bed she had her own apartment but she didn't have a bed

fence I Remember I went to come in a tit and a cat was laying by her head and I shampooed her cat accidentally Her cat Later cat and she said she noticed it a few days later when she was cutting it So crusty We have syrupges Fucking thin 17-year-old jizz. Wow.

Yeah, it was thinner back then. Yeah. My jizz was like clear and like six-year-old. Yeah, it's called pre-com. What? But it was a whole load, though. Yeah. There's not a lot of fucking kids in it.

There's no poll winning. Yeah, there's no kids. Right, no poll. It was like hair gel. Yeah. What about you, Dan? Who was your first? I was 16 in Cancun, Mexico. What about you Dan? Who was your first? I was 16 and can coon Mexico?

You fucked a Mexican. No, it goes to Mexico in this 16 People with parents that don't really care I went with my friend my friend Zach and his older brother and we went to like spring break MTV was down there And I banged a I was 16. Ironic choose 19 Black chick Oh Virginia to a fucking wrong with the natural reaction To me bro for every natural reaction did she steal your virginity

She was like she wanted me to choker and I was not comfortable with it her parents were in the next hotel room We were bad name a toana Rooley. I don't I never I knew is the funny thing. I don't remember her name at all I feel like she's trying to frame you for a crime. Yeah scratch me real hard and choke me Then tear my panties in half if you want me to let me take these jewels in your knapsack I'm gonna take this cute tip and swap your mouth. I don't get that one. Probably throw it in the middle. It's a DNA you fuck.

Oh. You're an asshole. What do you mean you just an asshole, Joe? Why? Because you're an asshole. I tried to tell a nice story and you were over there looking up your Facebook and business. I'm trying to run a fucking show

All right, what do you think the mics just go? I thought Scopo did that. He did it for today I got to make sure he's not fucking up. He's good point. He doesn't bad hair and I like I think Scopo has better hair than you I think that's not a I think that's a better head than you It's a fucking known fact Lewis is a better chrome. I think Aaron's home better It's a fucking known fact Lewis is a better chrome. I think Aaron's home better Chranium both you guys you think he has a better head than me who is the best guy here? Yeah, protected by a hairpiece for six months. It's you know what? His head is flat

It's I like it if I'm making if I'm making a created character and I get to pick the head I'm picking Aaron's you picking it look at my head look at go to the back. Oh, no, no, no Bumpy yeah, no way. It's not bumpy. It's bumpy in the back. What's bumpy me? Bobby never turn around again Skin tags I'm not saying this is I'm afraid to lose as I'm equally as afraid of Aaron, but his head is better What happened to me? Thank God. All right guys, let me shake Gomez. Why can't I be the podcast? You know what Lewis? All right guys, you don't want to shift the conversation a little we're gonna go to MMA right now

Whoa I like man out there your show is you know what Lewis And there you go no you're off you got a minute break go take a break from your fucking voice Fucking asshole Aaron's got a way better head. You know first of all fuck you Dan Hey, why no fuck you cuz I know you games you playing. I'm not playing a game all right Yeah, you are you fucking you playing a game you're going opposite that's your new thing. I wish I know that you knew it fucking thing No, Joe's got better headscopos. Skopos like EEDs. That's why his hair is all glistening and perfect right now Well, I was just gonna shut it over you too, and then you said that I appreciate it. Oh, nice. Well, thank you, Joe Turn my microphone off

That's a best thing Bobby's done all day That's a best thing Bobby's done all day. Besides, you can't angry at me. Look at Aaron. 30 more seconds of fucking suspension. Aaron's got this thing on his, on his, on his, on his, I have that too. You do, but then, I got to listen. Fuck you.

First of all, this is not a fair assessment because if I was down to fighting weight, my, I don't have those fucking hot dogs in the back. And I'm back in the fucking mix. fucking flathead in Puerto Rican the back is head stinks. I like it No, you don't I don't like this either good I don't like it. It looks like a Sega Genesis boxing character that it's like a head you can choose and Aaron's Aaron's got created created player head Aaron looks good because you got the three-day drive-croning and it all Compliments very well.

Thank you. Oh, fuck you. You were doing rather here. What are you talking about? It's special. Look at the guy. We're not gay. What are you ever rummed?

Do you have a room somewhere Aaron? Do you run a room? No. Oh, OK. I was wondering why Kelly's being nice to you. I like a three day grove. Hello, mate. I said your heads.

You had three day grove. Hey, Ian. Great job on the podcast today. Remember, yeah, I said your heads, your three day growth. Hey Ian! Great job on the podcast today. Remember I said your head was really nice. I just wanted to get you got new spots next week. I could come down, you know. We just took a picture here if you want. I like Joe's beard better, but you know. I don't like his face. I was going to text me. Can you get a kill you? You got spot at the stand. He's going to go, no. No. What do I have? Do I look good? Yeah, I He's gonna go, no. No. So. What do I have? Do I look good?

Yeah, like a beard. Oh, thanks. It's great. We should have sex. So, Kelly, who is your first guy? I was 18, and it was my boyfriend at the time. Your boyfriend? Boyfriend?

What's a boyfriend? I can't believe this is what bugs me about this show. Nobody can get away with anything anymore. You can't even fuck up in life. Like just the fuck up, boy, friends. We sometimes humans do that. Sometimes we fuck up a word, our tongue gets tied, and we fuck up, but you can't because there's

fucking five doing boy, friends. What the fuck is that, boy, friends? It's so hard. You can't wear a giant shiny black leather belt around your tits. I'm gonna fucking weightlifting belt on you. She's gonna do squats after the podcast. You can't wear your nephew's shirt.

I know I was 18, he was 23 and I waited. He really does have small shirts. He's so massive. I know but he could get a shirt that's an XL. No dude, you're good. Listen to me. You shouldn't be in that shirt. You should be in a different size shirt. That's how junior... It's long. XL no dude you really You should be in a different size you know

You should be in a dead listen I know cuz I've been there I've been in shape I when I dress up now I wear a medium and the medium fits nicely, but this is an XL My arms are bigger like than the rest of my body if I had small arms I let me face them You're always gonna be in my okay book because you fucking stuck you have a hand right around Lewis's neck That visual makes me fucking happy it literally gets some of my aggression over I just pitch you going you fucking took a picture my Lewis realizing you know this isn't know, this isn't the one, this isn't the one I should fight. I don't know.

I swear he was fucking two seconds away from not letting my throat up before we're gonna actually have a physical fight in that bathroom. I swear to God. Well, that fight would have ended with fucking him on top. And that's a feat, because he's sure to shit. You can really throw, right? You can really throw on my back.

I can defend myself well I mean I'm a friend so yeah, I listen so I don't want to try to pit a fight I'm just asking I am I heard Lewis call you a fucking Pipsquee who is called me the next day And I was dying cuz he's like bro. I don't know what the fuck you did my neck hurts my head hurts I'm gonna go do a show Sinus infection by grabbing my throat. What are you whispering? You're so tall.

You're so tall. You're so tall. You're so tall. You're so tall. You're fucking idiot of jumps. I started getting thinner day by day. You're thinner when I get thinner reference. Oh, that looks even kink.

Alright, so here's a deal. Kelly back to you. Oh yeah. Kelly back to you. So how old were you when you gave up your pussy? I was 18 and I was winning for like three months. Did you suck dick first? No, did you fuck first? I sucked dick first.

You did. How many dicks did you suck before you gave it to your box? No, probably. I'm gonna say two. Wow. That's fuck you. You way more than that. No, I only had a little boyfriend at school.

I'm talking about like the gym. No, I had a boyfriend all for high school and I never fucked him. I only sucked his dick. He sucked his ass. Boy, does he hate you? I was a cat, hospital and I never fucked him. I only sucked these dick Oh,. The winner! He's a slug and champion! That's two! The YKWD, Dixug and K. You zinger, she throws salt in your eyes,

and then hits you with the belt. She's sprinting to the face. And then Aaron comes out as her manager. This is bullshit! And pulls your feet down and... Ow, get you. All right, so here's the hell. Yeah.

Um, not recording. Okay, did we fuck up again on the live feed? Did it stop? Yeah, I'm not recording because he keeps going back and forth. Fuck it. Anyways, um, yeah, no, I went to Catholic schools. I was always scared to have sex. But then I waited like three months before I fucked him and then as soon as I did it.

And then he was scared of No, and then when I did it He's a ex-girlfriend called me and was like, we're still together and stuff So you're pussy's like the TV on poltergeist just that sucking dudes in Well if you like it laugh, I was gonna What are you a fucking job of an actor? I was on your side. I was thank you, Charlie and I was gonna do it. What are you fucking trying to think of an actor? I was on your side.

I was, thank you, Charlie and Starrer in the light. Thank you. Thank you. Well, just do it. Send that paper down, come back. You're gonna be a fucking Hannibal Burst crowd. I liked it. That was a good one.

Thumb up. Fucking asshole. I'll retweet it. I like it. We are having fun. So we are. So anyway, real quick, guys, we're going to take a break. I'm going to do some promos to pay some fucking bills for the video that doesn't work.

Right now, is that camera on down there? Yeah. All right, great. No, don't touch it. Don't touch it. Don't touch it. Oh, Dan. Right now, we're going to do a little break. So where are you going?

Yeah, the Reed. Huh? Oh, sorry. I like the Chris, when I, Kelly, when I go, where are you going? She's like, your shoulder's slaps and what? Yeah, Chris goes getting the Reed. And I'm like, oh, that's what you're supposed to do.

Put this hair. Yeah, he's very good. He has way better hair than Jeff. No way. It looks like a helmet. Looks like he'd just remove it and put it on a fucking bedside. He looks like, like, a I say, I say we get your old hair and see who's what hair really looks like what about Patrick's fucking

Robert Duval and the godfather He used to be fucking he used to look like a Jesse James look I had going on Bob are virtue me I want to never listen to me. You never look Let me tell you something my croak make friend You never look God damn it. I check it out you guys. Please go to Gamefly dot com the Netflix of video games right now We go to GameFlight.com, the Netflix and video games. Right now, you go to GameFlight.com, slash YKWD, we have a special offer to all our listeners.

It's a free 15-day two-distrile, or go to riotcast.com, or Robert Kelly, and click on the GameFlight link from there. And you get a two weeks, it's 15 days, two-distrile, right now, and all you have to do is go to that link and you are all set. That's a $22.95 value. You can try Grand Theft Auto 5,

the last of us or Diablo, all games. If you get this in Netflix and video games, if you guys are a gamer, don't go out and buy the game. Make sure you try it out first and you can try it out on us, the YKWD podcast, right now, gamefly.com slash YKWD. And also go to rikest.com slash Robert Kelly, and click on the Amazon button

for everything you buy off the internet. Anything you get, bookmark our link, and you go through that link, and we make money on every purchase that you get. So you win, we win, and Amazon fucking beats us all. Also go to tweakedaudio.com. Tweakedaudio.com has the best inexpensive headphones out there.

They have a wide variety of colors, mic'd, and non-mic'd. I've bought, and I can't tell how many pairs I've bought and given away as gifts. I bought, no, seriously, I bought and probably 10 pairs. Is that a word? Bought 10 pairs. Bought and. Can't get away with nothing. You really can't.

But I should have got a pounding for bought and. Bought and a stupid. That's a three of from you from bought and. What a great audience. What a great audience. Wow, what a great audience. So I bought around 10 pairs. But they're real cheap.

And this is the best part. If you type in the code word, what is it, Chris? Geet. You get 33% off, free shipping, and a limited lifetime warranty. That's 33% off, free shipping. Okay, you're saving a shitload of money. So don't buy one pair because they're very inexpensive.

Buy two, three, four, five pairs. Buy 10 pairs. Christmas is coming up. Give them away for Halloween instead of candy. Why are you gonna buy four? You should. If you're a multi-millionaire, give away a $30 pair of headphones

for every kid in the world. They're not $30, not with 33% off, dick five. Yeah, dude, that's $10, that's $20, man $20.20. Trigger Trader that's crazy. Not if you care about society and children right. Give the gift of hearing loss of a young age. Yeah. Oh, it's not that powerful. It's not pose. But they're really good. Go to tweedcottio.com right now. Use the code word, use the code word, dude, and get 33% off. I wanna thank all the people that donate to the show. You guys are amazing, you know who you are.

You guys donated in September, and we were able to spice up the studio a little bit by some cameras, by some equipment that we needed, and fuck you, I said it right, I stopped halfway. If you have, if you stop in in the word and then fix it, you can't fuck with me. Yeah, you're good. Okay, so I bought equipment.

What are you doing? He's slapping a joke right now, dude. Sorry, that's what you're doing, you're breaking? Yeah, I fucking slapping a joke on my mouth. I'm breaking so. That's how he thinks. That's how he gets his joke ideas. This is Winnie the Pooh, think poo, think him smacking a double right his dick jokes. I so

Thank you so much you guys you guys for donating and make sure you go to robacali live com and check out the stop spitting on it You just an idiot you really are it's like having a pet monkey. You're a pet fucking monkey. He really is. It really is. Amy. Amy. Amy, man. Stowards. Amy want dildo in mail. Amy wants fake demons in a row. Will you stop sucking? You literally, Lewis, you're just sucking dick on my show. I don't know. It's October.

Yeah, but you don't understand what month we're in. Yeah, but you're making me want to suck it. Like I you're you're just sucking a dildo. What the fuck is wrong with you? Drink your beer. All right, what are you looking for? What is this fucking? Shouldn't help our guest out. What does he need his lid? I lost the lid. I don't worry about it. Just take it. Thumb in it. Yeah, I don't want it to tip over. Get him another water. So anyways, there you go. You guys who donated it unbelievable. Go to robacadolive.com.

Right now, please, we have two huge shows coming up in November, November 6th for the New York Comedy Festival. We have a YKWD live. It's me, Scopo, Fistuka, Joe fucking lists. Joe sounds like garbage. Yeah, you are. Danny, you on it? I'm working. Joe list is not on it. Thank God. Soda. Make you feel so much better. I was actually.

How did I get there? Tickets refunded. So, uh, Dan Soda. Actually, I just sold 20 more tickets by saying Dan Soda. I'm not old enough to get in. Oh, that was good. Hold that guy code money. You called it guy's mode earlier. I told him he'd be pissed. So we also have Bayley J is on the show.

Yeah, right? Bayley J is on the show. He loves it on the show, Bobby. We have a special guest. We have special guest. I can't announce it yet, but I will very soon. Who else is on the show. He loves it on the show, Bobby. We have a special guest. He's special guest. I can't announce it yet, but I will very soon. Who else is on the Ryakash show? Then we go to the Ryakash show.

Where did you get the idea of the show? What are you pushing the microwave for? Don't worry about him. Talk about the show who else is on the show that's important. First of all, Kelly, first of all, you can't, don't ever, I did the show first, stupid. I did the show first. on I did the show first that idea was my idea These guys pitched the riot cast show to rob fucking sprants behind my back They bring it to the stand which I don't fucking mind

But that's my fucking network my show that I was gonna do another thing they own the fucking are you out of your fucking tree? You a fucking tree. Oh, no, you're a huge tree. The fucking tell me you're living in a tree. You put on shows, it's all you do. That's my fucking, that show was my idea to begin with to put on a fucking riot cast network show. I'm on the YKWD show, Pliny or Comedy Festival. Yeah, Lewis is on the show.

Oh, that's what was. Lewis is on the show. I think Lewis is hosting the other show. The riot cast show. The riot coach, did I turn your mic way down special guest host? He's hosting the show that shows fucking crazy. We got rich boss Bonnie McFarlane Mandy stat Miller, which I didn't know as a comedian But she is she's one of the top shows on the network now brand new show to the network one of the top newshor we got

And we got Dan Adamins gonna stop by we got the we got a special guest on that we have Colin Quinn is gonna be headlining that show no you know you know I'm not special no you can't do it no I can't do the other one well if you can't do the other one you don't get to do the other way around Bruce what do you mean I can't do what I should be able to do the other. Bruce Bruce. What do you mean? Bruce Bruce. I get a fucking the room on stage for him.

Who's the guy for breaking bad? A little off. A little off. A little off. A little off. And we'll come down to the show, Bob. It's probably going to be dead in a few years. It's not funny.

I think he's hilarious. Oh, fuck you, corporate Dan. Is that breathing thing? It's what. Anyways, so so yeah, the next show, the both of those shows are November 6th. One is at seven, the YKWD, which we're gonna come out and do a little standup and then we're gonna do a live show.

Bailey J's on, it's gonna be amazing with a special guest. Of course Lewis J. Gomez is gonna be on the show which scares me lately. What, with Bailey? No, you, you're walking in with dicks, no dicks on that show. Billy J is a fucking tranny, Bob. Yeah.

There's a more, there's bigger, more of a tranny than her. How's that sound? Yeah, I've never seen a guy that's not gay, suck a dick better than you. You suck dick, you suck it. You've sucked everything in this office, you've sucked. But he says it was so much theater involved, like you spit in there, you put,

slab, you cheat. No, that's a dick. it's because you enjoy it. It's realism. I think you're right, Kelly. You really enjoy putting it in his mouth. Maybe we should. What? What, Kelly?

Kelly's losing her ability to ball bust. The more words that comes out of her mouth, she's losing her. You're going to go to a guy club. She starts playing. Do we take her? Everyone let Kelly keep going. No, I don't want to let me go. I'm like, oh, my God. You know what? It's wild. Everyone let Kelly keep going Not a minute when I can't let me go

I really fucking get mad at Kelly because you're absolutely right. I want I'm really trying to back you up I'm trying to help you attack this fucking ape and you you know fucking wheels fall off after one block She starts laughing too, she'll hit. Who do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do I'm like, he's one day on something. You thought it could be a running band. All right, we're already up 21 points. What am I going to have? Where's Roy? Where's Roy? I'm going to heal coach. Roy, you're going to run the ball five yards.

I'm going to do this coach. They're going to have Robert on ESPN crying, how she tries harder than most comedians. I love the game. Let me tell you something. When I saw him at the Let me tell you something. When I saw his heart, that Kelly had. If you look into her eyes, the way I did, you know her eyes.

You see more than just a fat Australian girl. She's stronger than I'll take guys out there. You know why one of those tints is dead? You see, she got hit and then dead. When she was a little girl. She had her features hold her back. Shut up. You know what, fuck you for that.

Yeah, fuck you for that. Yeah, really fucking just rowing a nice pair. How sad is it that fucking, the booker was the last one to get the fucking handkerchief? How sad is it that you just kept talking? You like that, right? You've never got a fight, oldies. You're doing the Kelly for Stucco, right? Yeah, he's gassing out.

Yeah, both of them get fucking nice get they lose gas Patrick's fatties that a breath Look Patrick, he just plays as much as me when the next child you fuck I love that Patrick just forms around there You have to touch it and take it any shape. That I'm not putting. Patrick's water. He's like water. I love it.

You water, man. Welcome to the shit. Get in real. I'm not gonna show. I'm just thinking, how is it getting me? You're used to wearing it too, babe. All right. You like yourself, guys?

You're a piece of shit. I've been in math when you talk, Joe. What's up? Oh, that was a good one. I small mob joke from Kelly What are you gonna say about that pigeon? Literally literally literally Everyone in the room just shit on Kelly's act except for me That's like fuck you list. You know what I say alright the lies that Kelly

I don't know because it was an easy target, because he just spoke in, you know. Kelly, do you feel weird since you've come back? I think someone that was shooting on you. Do you feel weird since you've come back from Australia? Do you feel stronger or do you feel like? I feel better and I feel stronger. Yeah, like her back is stronger. I was like, where are you going to wait, lifting girl?

I like that so-and-a-I stop and pause it. Now we did the same joke, and as we're doing it, Lewis comes in, 30 seconds later with the jokes. He's a fucking pet monster. You're a belt, Tom. Browl, Stony, what else like that? Browl, look at Browl. It's going to be a sock something.

It's going to be a sock something right now. It's called October. It's called, did it? Because it's like October, but October I got a new fine series I use the word series like networks to because I'm a fucking idiot our pilot got approved That's a fine pilot called coctober. I just walk around and suck a dick old ladies at a bus stop and then get there Gras fucking idiot Get there Grouse I got idiot The ride cast show is not your show. Oh, I didn't say it's yeah

I'm used to it used to what I had these yeah These ideas and it's not your idea. It's my idea. I did the coach. Oh now. That's a big tour Dude fuck you good. See Dan's a real ass dude now that's a big tour dude fuck you're not doing it good see Dan's a real-ass dude Here's a deal I'm a real nice. You can't take my My network and and say that it's your show right yeah You you putting the other a show with a certain amount of comedians that do the same thing That's like saying the open Anthony they they became up with that show idea You didn't come up with the fucking theme show?

It's not your idea, theming a show out. Right, all right. It's not. You got to shut up to kiss. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Make Louis suck something, make Louis suck something. So, do you have to make him?

Put your thumb near his mouth, they'll fucking stop blowing it. He really is, he's really like a fucking two-month-year-old baby. Two months-year-old, baby. That's the way I say it. And everybody knows that. I say two-month-year-old.

That's the way I say it. I say that. I have a four-month-year-old baby. That's the way I say it. I will not fucking, I will not change that either. I say it on stage. I say all the time He's a four month-year-old baby a little Maximus this Sunday four month-year-old. Oh, well four months

Yeah, flying. Can you see me at Joe? Yeah, see them. You only saw him once at the park. Oh, yeah, that's right It doesn't Joe doesn't come over like Dan came over last couple weeks to stop by Hey, can I stop by and see the kid and hang out? We had, right? It was fun. Kelly stopped by the other night. Got eight some pasta. It was nice, right? Yeah, she was coming by to feed.

I was just going to cry. I was just outside your window like, Gale, are you cooking? Yeah. I'm not the kid in that community, the baby. I need to eat. What? There's food here.

Yeah, what? Kelly was in the neighborhood in between spots maybe. I'm gonna stop by. It's fully the clock. I've got a spot somewhere. Keep barking in Times Square. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Get him back.

Sing me. Come on, Kelly. Show him who's boss. I don't pat you off. Kelly's happy. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kim. Show him who's boss. I know Patrick Wobby.

You guys have peace. Kelly's been getting fucking smashed by fucking fat Pat. You're too afraid to attack him. What is he going to do? Not book you more? What am I going to say? Fix his rotten teeth. I like that Patrick'sresses had the fucking body language of an arms dealer. He really looks like he sells guns to the other guy.

He really did fix his fucking candy corn toothy ass. I don't know how I made it in the business. I have not made it. Jesus Christ. You're going to be a win the mega million, make it. 400 million dollars finally. Oh boy. I'm trying to make it.

You have teeth like in a sum about Mary when the whole state, when it gets in the teeth. I just imagine if you got your teeth on it, it would look all weird. You just have big white teeth. teeth on it look all weird. You said big white teeth like a math bullet teeth Yeah rich boss got it all but his teeth are so new that I want to like take him out And like they told their fake you can see like in between I want to floss his mouth You know what I mean? They just look I don't know looks like I like just they're so fucking Perfect losses teeth you can save this just keep going I mean, they just look, I don't know, looks like they're like, they're so fucking perfect.

Lost his teeth. You can save this. Just keep going. I know you haven't. Do you have one running out of air? Just hit a punchline. Everyone runs out of it. I was just, I was just, I feel like everyone was sincerely

rooting for you. Like, yeah, yeah. And then, and then. And then, yes,. And then. I was saying then. Yes, I am. Yes. But you really, it's so hard to have a thought of this fucking show.

I really, this fucking crew of guys that you're just vicious. It's like a bank robbery. Hey, we're in the out. We're all so good. Go, go, go, go, go, go. Our loose is gonna suck something. Look, he's very good. I like, Lewis realized he's been quiet for too long, so he just picks up a dick.

You know what's the price to buy? I guarantee, I fucking guarantee everybody in this room, I bet $100 to everybody in this room and 100 to every person listening that he sticks that as in his ass at some point. He's what? Absolutely, you gotta say. I bet you fucking jerk off. I would fucking tell you if I wanted a fucking dildo in my ass. Yeah, I bet you guarantee you stick that in your ass No, it's trying to pop his cyst with it. Oh, I did have a cyst. It's gone. No, I think it was a pimple

Oh, you listen to the show. Yeah, I forgot I didn't You're gonna be in the middle. We're all blown away when someone listens to you. Can you just stop covering your mouth like a fucking Japanese girl eating? It's not that I said no. It's not that I said no. We already said no. It's all years of rotten beef. Yeah, I know.

It's a hangar, it's a hangar. No. I hate you. Yeah, sit on your hands. Don't do that. Actually, don't do that. You fucking need those. I hate you.

Hang on. He's gonna serve fucking mashed potatoes to those criminals Fucking hey when you get out come by the club We have a theme night that I thought of Hang on Lewis for the dick on his forehead everyone pay attention to him So I hate Kelly now you really I think you're done Do you really do have this fucking weird vibe towards her. What, what, you think?

I think there's an hater, but. Chris, we had a private conversation. What are you doing? I'm not, I just saying. Whoa! You're the one who blew this up. I didn't say anything. What the fuck?

I'm stuck on each other. I'm trying to sort of grab the dick off his head. You understand how much I would love life if that got stuck to his head. Do you know how much I want to bring super glue? I guarantee it wouldn't stick to that fucking Puerto Rican skin. That's what it is. So anyways, Lewis hates Kelly. Why do you, why do you mad at Kelly?

I don't hate Kelly. Why do you mad? That's why he pretends to hate me. Why do you mad at Kelly don't hate me why you mad? That's why you have pretends to hate me why you mad at Kelly dude Tony you're gonna lose this spot at LL New York. It's funny. Hmm why? You really are you really mad at her? I'm not mad. What's wrong with you? Nothing's nothing's wrong seriously man. Just something up. I can tell with you. Nothing's up.

Yeah, just something up. You told me not to yell over people, so I've been sitting back today. Don't say that like that's a punishment. That's the way you should be on the and make nice funny jokes every once in a while alright you hear to be funny and i'd just fucking scream into a microphone like a fucking gorilla it's true Amy

who was your who was your first girl there girl named Judy that I worked at a trophy. Judy was a 1947. It's a great good name for you not a basketball court. Judy, you just got a big book. I pumped in a half and I came right inside of her. And then I just pretended I didn't. I was like, we shouldn't do this.

We have to work together. It was like, how old were you? I didn't get to take a big sum. How old were you? 15. You were 15? You had a job? You kicked me to Dick's side? How old were you? 15. You were 15? You had a job? You had a job?

Yeah, I had a job when I was 15. On a basketball court? Was yours black too? It was across. I used to fucking public all the time. When I was a kid, I didn't have anywhere to fuck. Until you have a car, you didn't know where to fuck. You go to say, where to park?

You fucking all over the place. Did you have a home? You had to pick pocketing people and then fucking them I Fucked Tony Quint Tony really Tony Tony half black half white sexy name. I was in love with her and Then I fucked her in the bushes near the mystic lakes. Yeah with Dickie Suule and Scott Kelly watching That's how's made up that's made up. That's how great those names are. That's how Boston it is.

And I was, I remember she was like, um, Dickie Sule, I spit her. I'm a fucker, Bobby. I'm a new stand by me movie. Yeah, give it to her. She just want to see a fucking Harry push. He's got the Sule's over there. Fucking Dickie Sule was the toughest guy in the neighborhood.

Fucking, he was. I bet he was. Is it? I can dickie Suo was the toughest guy in the neighborhood He was Dicky Suo was tough and he had a big dick a big dick and a hog I remember he they were watching cuz I didn't know what the fuck I was doing and then Put it in a Robbie Abby just fucking paying And they were like telling me giving me pointers from the bushes. She lay there smoking a fucking Like yelling out pointers or whizzing like She deaf

She's like I don't know about you But you rightly improved. I saw him was playing something. Screned you. On the other side of the bush there's two girls. I'm trying all the time. I can't get top position. It's too big. I always want to hear a deaf girl come.

I'm not gonna have a hard one. Oh God. Oh my God. What? Oh my God. Huh? I don't know. I don't now. Oh my god, oh my god. What? Oh my god. Huh? I don't know how you can handle me.

What? I'm not going to come. Alright, go ahead. Oh, dude. Sounds like Frankenstein singing, putting on a rich... Oh my god. That's good. For fuck's sake.

Your deaf girl is strikingly similar to your retarded running. Very different. Very different. very different hang on hang on. There's a difference Retarded running back golf All right, we're totally back fucking the deaf girl their brother and sister clearly All right now dev girl I love that one the one does the signing you're actually doing the signing. I'm sure that we have done on video Don't stop it. Wake him ask her again Tired when she says a big time that all the flows all the flows are mouth huge my brows looks like she's eating ham Muppet eyebrows That's just

This is The character let me put these on real quick This is got two raw five rounds for the character. Let me put these on real quick. All right, so there's a deal. So yeah, I fucked her and I came in her and then she spit her. Some women's vagina spit to come out. I don't know if you can.

It's true. She told me, she goes, I'm a sucker. Is that like new already? She said, I'm going to tell you if you can. All right, shut the fuck up, everybody. Yes, she's a spitter. Her vagina spits. some women's vagina spits Spits I said no Google it

Is it like that creature in Jurassic Park? Sorry? I've told this before and she spit all over my Dunlop windbreaker that I just got And she spit all over my Dunlop windbreaker that I just got With the pocket in the front Remember the pillow pullovers and Westwood windbreakers first came out you know breaks the wind and the rain and She I'm all my giz was on it. I had a wash at the mystic legs I don't know it was gross No, she just it was all my comfort.

It's someone else fucked up beforehand. And if they come, old come in. No. Why are you trying to get to the bottom of this? No. Because I'm a planks. So I'm gonna go to the cold case. You fucking monk relax.

How old was she? She was 15. I was, and she knew she was a tenor at 15. You were ten. What happened is, I fell in love with her I wound up she wound up being just a pig. She was fucking everybody think at 15. She was fucking it's bitter She was fucking an 18-year-old She's fucking dickie in front of the rectory fuck yeah, she did

When I She fuck she fucked him in the bushes and my grandmother worked at directory That's where the priest fucking live. Bobby. You're not gonna believe that your horse fucking everybody Zikki's outside with his big fucking shong and some girl. I think she's black Dude, I don't like the I don't I want to look up this spitting thing. Yeah, I don't think it's reading The body was so disgusted. She might get pregnant from Also she could get a ten. you know that's a thing is she they she puts it out of her

she um... she she thought she was pregnant from me like they will call me fought out scared she was i don't know some of school that year and they will call me father bob because it was rumored that she was pregnant but she was pretty i couldn't get a good pregnant you saw her pretty uniform you know. You were pretty when you were 10. No, she was fucking an 18. She was fucking like four other dudes. And one of the guys was 18. He was

this fucking bully, this fucking asshole. And he was fucking bonin' the shit out of her. Some other dude was bonin' and then Dickie was fucking her. I remember Dickie told me, he probably knew a little fort. We had a hut, like a little fort hut and he was like, dude, I gotta tell you something. Had I was like, what? And I was like, I was like, I fucked Tony, Tonya. And Tony, Tonya, what the fuck are you doing?

Tony Tonya, Tonya. Tonya, Quint. Oh, that's a little, Tonya. Tonya, Tonya, that's a talent system. Actually looked her up, she didn't hold up. Yeah, brrrr. Oh yeah, you're telling me this show, a lot of shelf life on that smoking back then though. Yeah, but she had a big forehead She had like it was like really pulled back like one of the fucking Obama kids

Yeah, I remember and then he he was like, yeah, I fucked her and he told me where, and I was devastated. I remember, I climbed a tree that I carved on Naaman, and I uncarved our name and took the necklace I had for, I had this cheesy necklace, and I tied it around one of the branches, and she came and just, Bobbi just come down there and talk to me, and I wouldn't acknowledge her.

I was 10. Yeah, I was heart broken. Yeah, heartbroken Go through a lot. I found out she fucked her him Then I found out she fucked the other older dude and that's who almost got a pregnant or so whatever the fuck it was Good God Bobby when I was ten years old I lost my shit when the undertaker beat whole Cogan You're going through real life shit. I had a chick cheat on me in university I heard her getting fucked down the hallway

I had a chick cheat on me in university. I heard her getting fucked down the hallway But a rugby player and her last name was Quinn Kathy Quinn really said with island and he was plowing the shit out of her Dude I was down the hall Is that why you so big now? Oh, yeah, that's what that's the exact reason I was like that will never happen again Right and I started raping rugby players. But no, it was like, I was after that. I'm tired of that, and can you tie that to his microphone? Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob! Wow!

Wow! I also like how Canadian he got. I was at university. Finstemberd, I was at university. You almost caught me though, you steamrolled right over it. I was like, what was that? That's my whole act. I just keep going, I don't let it free. that guy just tricked us for 45 out of 50 minutes. I can't find anything with a

spitter. Well, girls vagina spit. Right that. I want to go back to air. Like, did you, how did it happen? Did you just hear like, we were out at a club that night. She was hammered. She was just going to a club or a pub kind of bar. We were at university and then we went to university. We were at university. And you guys aren't going to believe this, but I was not sorry for coming home early.

We were square dancing there. We were all alone. So what did you do? What did you do? She got hammered. I see her make out with the guy at the bar. So at the time, I'm like a little kid. Like I'm 19, but I was scrawny and I wasn't going scrap this so I go home. I'm like I'll wait for that

chick to come home. We live in the same residence. She comes home I see her in the hall and I'm like I'm gonna wait for her to come apologize to me. That doesn't happen. The door shuts, cut the five minutes later this huge rug we played. No way harder than just slam and the fuck out of her Did you know about you? I have no idea She's like, oh this is way better than the guy that's down the line Oh, that's sure you can't fuck like this I don't have to help you up into the bed Just kick his ladder over

Kick his step ladder over Step stool at the edge of the bed So you have to say, you're ready You have the same stool that a dog needs to get up on your bed Here I come She has to shove, she has to shove at Sky Mall Yeah, the same thing stool that a dog needs to get up on your bed She has to shop at Sky Mall so you can fuck her And then yeah broke my heart and I think that little time when I few rounds they went a few rounds really Oh, it was like an all-night kind of thing. I'm not done yet Yeah, I got she I got she went to man. She get and then she gave me chlamydia

Cifulus wait what you went back. Yeah, I fucked her after yeah, so you mean he gave it to you probably So you fucking went back to fuck somebody else. Yeah, I went back and fuck fuck their after I mean what are you gonna say you got to do it? I was heartbroken and then I got home I got back to Toronto and I looked down I had the zit on my nuts. I was heartbroken. And then I got home, I got back to Toronto, and I looked down, I had the zit on my nuts, and I was like, oh, that's not good. What is that? That was the start of Cifalus.

And then, and then your dick starts, like leaking, and it was stuck to my underwear. Like leaking green and yellow. It was like, wait a minute. I don't know how to read that. Green and yellow? You never had any of these things. No.

All right, you've got lucky. You really are like one of those soldiers in this church, the beach and dorm machine. It never got home. I'm Tom Hanks. Yeah, you're just like, I'm the fucking run at the machine gunner. Never got it.

I like when Joe was like, yeah, she said you had herpes, yeah. Yeah, fucking that happened all the time. I just fucking got it. I never got herpes. I never got, I got crabs. Oh, boo hoo. And I got, I got, crabs were terrible. I remember I got crabs. Oh boo hoo. And I got I got

Crabbs were terrible. I remember I got crabs. I was fascinated actually in the crab box That you have to use to kill them. What do I call Kelly's pussy? It comes It comes it comes to the micro That was better all right It comes with a little, what is it? The little microscope? Cove? Magnifying glass. Magnifying glass.

Because it's a little magnifying glass. And a comb. So you comb your pubes and then you can see them. You can see these little crabs. So it's almost like, you know, there are like seahorses. You remember those little things you can see these little crabs. So it was almost like, you know. Oh, guys. There were some like seahorses. You remember those little things you had to get? It was magical.

Yeah, I was checking them out for like hours. These little crabs jumping off my dick. It was fucked up, but crabs sucked because it was, you can see them. That freaked me out after a while. It was like, oh, god. And the girl, I got them from a red head, this little red head, Missy, at a park. She, ugh, that's why I have him from a redhead this little redhead missy at a park

She was why I have this thing with redheads. What is it with fucking girls and parks and getting STDs? Yeah, because any chick that fuck you in a kid's playground is a whore and has something And I got warts and I don't know where I got warts from Because you can get warts from a toilet seat. Yeah, I got warts in college Yeah, but that's a great What is it? Maluscom, contagious, really? Yeah, terrible. How'd you get you how'd you get yours off? Fucking got him burned off. Yeah, we all been there. That's the reason I've never had a war on my desk the reset I got on my finger one time. I I just don't want to get what's the funniest thing that happened is I was getting my

roll-roar moves and this doctor it was a lady doctor that was doing it and I don't know why the fuck she said this but she had my dick in her hand and she was doing the like the liquid nitrogen and in between it she goes I am hungry I swear to God, I was like, what in the life of just, oh my God, I'm so sorry I said that. I don't, does this turn into a point? I don't know, I get it somewhere.

Did Dick look like a hamburger? I don't, I don't, I don't, I look like a fucking speck of sausage. I feel like I got to the beginning of a poll and I feel like a hot dog. Oh, I, I, the first time I got a frozen off and they had to take, I went into like surgery and they took me into this room And they rub blue shit on my dick had to get my dick hard

Oh, they don't do that. No, they put blue shit on my dick so they could see them see him And then they froze him off the second time I went into some dudes office. Yeah, and he was like miserable He's like a decent mad at me that I got war yeah I had that a lady did that at a public health clinic with me. She like like I was disgusting. Yeah, they come in and they're like what okay I don't want to call me a baby when I had herpes at the clinic in Chelsea She was like picking at it was like more like things like a tooth like a scraper Really I was like crying and like she's like you baby I mean you know

What's your answer? Yeah? I got a dick out. I want to subscribe She was like this is is unuseable. Villain? Yeah. She wasn't villain. I was crying. I was like, this is not a normal procedure. Well, you're at a fucking health clinic in Chelsea.

Yeah. I mean, it's not like at the top of the fucking line. It's not the best doctors in the world. It's like some way seen my time. I've AIDS to deal with. You want to see my next patient's butt horn? I say his butt horn. Looks like Bruno Tyra, Tywin.

He's got this little boob on your window, your baby. He's been a baby boy. He had dick stuck to forehead for two weeks. I ripped this one off to proof point. I'll bite it with mouth. Look, I'm not baby. I eat it from Russian to Mexican all of a sudden. Nothing, that's your baby. I eat it from Russian to Mexican all of a sudden

I yeah, yeah, I got war it's war it's a bad herpes. I never got I should have got because I've been with a bunch of chicks You are that that's like I should have been killed on that beach I'm mad that I Went for a fun AIDS dance once and I was just I was like, it's cool. I'll just learn to live with it Like I knew I had a I like I Fucking I was psychologically so ready for Let me let me bring in here. I was gonna be like cool. I like I had set up my brain. I was gonna move I knew I was gonna go I was gonna gonna go to like near Cape Cod,

get some type of apartment, live by the ocean. I like to thought of you over-stipping your boundaries with a doctor, we're like, all right, Robert, we got it, like, all right, what cocktail am I gonna go on? All right, you need one that gets me up in the morning and down at night.

Nah, I was just gonna die, I was gonna die a thing, because this was before cocktails, this is when you just died, just became thin before you got some scars in your forehead. That's also a very North Shore Maulden mindset if I have AIDS I'm moving to the cake. I'm gonna catch some flounder and some haddock on my fucking weekends. When I found out I didn't have AIDS I collapsed in a parking lot and laid down on the ground and looked up at the sky and thank God I could not believe I did that I'm out everybody

What the fuck are you doing? I'm I believe in like five minutes. Why don't you leave now? Really what are you gonna get off your phone? I told everybody to get off the fuck I had a text the guy's I don't give a shit late. I don't care late. You're reading Facebook your fuck It's a Facebook message. Well fuck that's not texting It's the same shit. You know what? I don't trust the guy Fucking two you two three two Now you got four random axi-kind thank you sir

Now you have four random acts of kind. Thank you sir, may I have another five? One more. Six and a half. That's a nine and a half time. This is like the breakfast club. Yeah. We'd love to have you. Where are you going, Luke?

I gotta go tape a pilot thing. This kid that I know is putting together for Vine. You really is. Here's the Joe DeRosa. I got a meeting., no, it's with you fucking mother isn't a meeting Yeah, my mother's death He's killing himself a good meter Don't say that oh Suicide thing I got so many really cool letters and things about the suicide when we started talking about that

Like a lot of people out there think about it and then we talked about it and then we're like thanks for you know talking about so what do they say about it? Yeah, they were just like thank you Well, sometimes you can get real packed. It's okay. Look at you that guy filled with the two kids do it Dude what the fuck is wrong with you? I have a fan quote from thinking about it dude Are you out of your mind saying that to somebody with the guys kids why cuz it doesn't like you yeah if he doesn't like Amy he does kill yourself if you donate 500 dollars to the show I will kick Lewis off yeah oh dude 500 dollars that's all it takes you know no I'll do a lot of

hundred you will go missing if you give Dan 500 dollars Dan will murder Lewis first of all Dan will just walk back in with a black eye like I tried to murder me beat the shit out of me Snap is right You're just a bitch and Lewis's eyes. I don't try to provoke. I'm yet to provoke anything I don't like that. He just treated you like a bitch. You're gonna walk in with a black eyes. Lewis knows. No, it doesn't he doesn't know So I do you know Lewis? I give him a run dance a tough kid dance from Aurora. I'll sneak in the movie. Would you be here? Take that back since we pause the 16 I can't go there anymore Spirits in there. I don't like those Bobby can smell them and I don't like it Lewis fucking movie tickets and ambush

Yeah, I don't know if there was screening all three Batman's Showing MMA in the theater check it out Luis fill his destiny like his father And Lewis will fill his destiny like his father Drop his baby only only members of dead dad club. I have a dead dad my dad is live But I haven't talked to him. He's fucking dead to me. I'm not a motionally. Physically. How about this? I don't know if he's dead Oh, you just took it to a different level One of them has to be dead. I really just dad's dead emotionally. Oh, I stumbled on that one. That would have been good if I had got it out. It was insensitive.

I love you. I love you. I love you. You're the big guy to go. There you go. I'm ready to leave when I leave, Bob. Ooh. What?

You said you had to leave in five minutes. Maybe I made a five foot off now. If Lewis was a chick, he would be like, hit me. He would be like, grow it like that. I'm gonna fucking hit you. Fucking dare you to. Stop being, don't look at me You stupid face either. I don't like you fuck get that stupid face off stupid

So sick it'll suck it I tell you if you have Lewis is beating you in a fight just take your dick out I don't want to do this Bro, I can't stand watching this dick me all saw I'm gonna suck it self. I gotta I gotta get this little soft guy Chris where was your first what would you get what would you was your first fucker lady you dug up? Chris where was your first uh what would you get when you were your first uh fuck a lady you dug up She was nice she was in the morning You know that cemetery of great central expressway I was saying John say John do you right?

Did you John kid do we think he's a fucker serial killer? Absolutely What did you hear that laugh? He forced that laugh out. You got to be able to talk. Another serial killer taught him that laugh. No, it's got to be more real. No, no.

There you go. That's what they're looking for. You do that right before the lights go out. Make sure you blink every 30 seconds. That's it regularly human being. But blink when people notice you're not blinking. Who was it? My high schoolgirlfriend Nicole. I felt bad actually.

We had to stop because she was kind. Because she was straggler. Get off of me! I felt bad. She didn't make me pay. That's gross. Who are you? We're not dating.

That's so heavy. Holy shit, my pelvis is on fire. That's because he had a weed whacker to a throat. Just a wire wrapped around. Woo! I think it would be fun if you just casually admitted to rape. I feel bad, though. She didn't know. I didn't say I could.

I didn't finish. I didn't finish. Chris, you could have just said I had to stop like bubble-blow. I had to post she was crying. I wish somebody just said that to you. Yeah. Four years ago. Whoa! Seriously, Kelly.

Kelly, stay, stay, stay, stay. A horrible chant, you piece of shit. I know we were talking about you, Regina. We're also her ex. We're also her ex. Dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap, dick slap Bobby by cut by leaving late but whenever I still hear the she goes to show still going go see you later Kelly you see here's the problem you have an accent and you speak a hundred miles an hour nobody knows what you're saying I'll ask you Did you know he had to leave early? No, he doesn't tell you he knows it's from 5 to 7

But he doesn't tell you when he has to leave early Kelly why are you trying to get me in trouble with Bob? Yes, I don't have to Won't you fucking instead of getting I don't have to get you. Won't you fuck it instead of being that? I don't have to get you in trouble just to talk. Oh, what? Oh my god. Lewis is leaving. Lewis is leaving.

Lewis is leaving. I think Cali won. Ah. I was going to miss his other one. But guys, he's going to get upset for his pilots. I'm filming with an iPhone Guys, the guy there about to start a vine off without me fuck you Lois and you Oh

Yo, for real you walk away from that you bitch. Yeah bitch. Yeah, go film your pilot Kelly's mother is here Go have fun that you're meeting I'm name, but you have a dick case? Oh. Oh. Do you have a dick case? The name of this show. What the fuck is that? What the fuck is a dick case? I know, I said he put his dildo in a cage. I carried it in a violent tissue.

You know that? Like a connoisseur of dildos. This is Malaysia. This keeps it at the proper humidity. Dildo, I salesmen. I love the Kelly just did a bomb. I love the Kelly. I love the Kelly.

I love the Kelly. I love the Kelly. I love the Kelly. I love the Kelly. I love the Kelly. I love the Kelly. I love the Kelly. I love the Kelly. I love the Kelly. I love the Kelly. I love the Kelly. This is Malaysia keeps it at the proper humidity Love the Kelly just did a bomb and nobody and she went a deal Joe Salis with We please untie that and fucking wrap it around one of her dead tips By Lewis, hey, Lewis make sure he leaves

Still there why what are you doing? Go have your pilot meeting. He brings me so much joy. Yeah, he really does. Let me tell you, it's a love and hate relationship. I really do. I guess so mad at him. He makes me so angry, but he's such a funny dummy. He really does.

I hope my kid is nothing like him, ever. Good to see you too. All right, well, I think I wanna wrap it up anyways. It's around two hours. This was been a fun show. This is a fucking rowdy one, Jesus Christ. I again, I invite, I invite, is he back? Who is that?

Hi. This is what's wrong with Lewis. He doesn't know when to stop. He just fucking goes and goes and goes You're telling me he doesn't have timing. No, he doesn't have timing. Is that why he's stepping all over people and still in the room And try to make a joke. There's no end to start either. He should have never done it Anyways Yeah, this has been a fun show actually and it was I was good to meet you bro

I've seen you're round you're very this is the problem and I think I might have the same thing But you more than me you're very intimidating looking So and you don't look like a friendly person Aaron's one of the nicest guys I know that's what I was about to say Hey, hey, he's a good comedian ever get me a gift. I got you a gift. What I took you at the dinner the first that I met you I took you to a diner What about older I saw that Robbie a fuck you talking about Memble took club open fuck you in your club. I was there before you snow gifts existed until a year ago I knew you a year out of wrestling fan. I got you fucking playoff tickets you and Billy Burr So the red talk before that I know but now you did

Yeah, and remember me and Joe we left Fuck them. Hey listen remember when I took you to the diner the first night we hung out for almost a half a day Half a day and then we hung out all night until the sun came up back then you're opening for day and doing spots at the sellers I was headlining the stress factory. Hey, I'm headlining the stress. What did you say? We're still doing that now. What? Opening for Dane and doing spots at the seller. Yeah.

Oh, that was me. I was like, it's not me, but you'll pay for that. You'll pay for that. That's what I don't work as club. Jesus. Because he's really, he really doesn't like me behind the scenes. God, he loves me.

No, he doesn't like me. Are you kidding me? He just defended me on my own show. He loves you. He just defended me on my own show. He loves you He just defended me man. What a weird that was some fucking that was some Twitter hater people that was some real Fuck you to my face. You know, they mean you know, they mean I took a personal because it was personal Bobby you said it personal you can you that's how you feel inside That's the way you feel inside

What Bobby, what? Bobby, listen. What? What? Yeah. You're running from your emotions. What? No, Alan, it's personal. The Bobby. It's said about me.

You're bringing up. How was it not personal? How was it not personal? You're taking this personally. How was it nice? You're invaluing his friendship, because you're hearing what you want to hear. He's not my friend.

He said that he, this guy, gave me a gift. Bobby. I'm going to post value in me. I don't know. I'm doing that. The fuck up, Joe. Back up, Joe. It's just going to get real between me and you. It's breaking the full of walls. You done with your fake switch plate. No, we've been friends for I think I think we've been friends. I've been friends with you the longest out of 12 years. Jesus Christ. Me you and who's the other dry-haired bitch? Check out beautiful dry hair. Big tits. We, um, yeah, I remember used to, when you had cringe humor, when

cringe humor, cringe humor now is not what it was. And I remember I used to have to call him up every fucking other month to take something down that Dainee wrote about Dain. Dainee would call me up, dude, can you call this fucking guy? Is that what just, they didn't, this is when, this is cringe humor at one point. It's before social media,

so there's no shit talking going on. There was, they would just fuck you. Yeah, their website, I remember it was like, people were scared of it. Yeah. You guys used to do like, what was the hack of the axe page the hacks So much And you'd classify all the shitty comics you have them put in the classes of what made them shitty

ethnic garbage Kick-hack There was and some people going to our cat. There's a thing It was the realest website on comedy out there, but it was way, it only favored one style of comedy. Like me or Voss or Patrice, you know. I used to sit on the mainstream because, you know, why are people accepting this shitty comedy when there's great comedians like you and Patrice and Norton that aren't at the time we're getting ahead of the business.

But the thing is though is that what I learned too, and as you get better in comedy, you learn that there's different, is different styles of comedy that is just is good like Dan Natiman you had on the hacks page I thought that was all a character. I didn't think he was that fun Well, we all know it so you really can't I was like you can't call this guy hack He's one of the funniest guys like a friend of course Marshall done night. We brought him for court Yeah, remember we actually had a court. Yeah, we had a podcast, didn't we? We recorded it, yeah. We recorded it. That was like before a podcast. Right.

And we got Dan off the hack page. He's very good. But now that you really can't, I'm a businessman now. Well, you have a club. It's funny though, like some of the people, when they tweet out at the stand, hey, Luke, who stopped by?

I'm like, is this five years ago, there'd be a whole page on what a content, what a fucking unfunny content this person is small it's a small compromise Yeah, I mean it's it's all that shit talking back in the day got me to where I am now so I'm grateful for it Yeah, well I'm gonna look up as it is but crinchum. Why is it still around? I? Know it's the server bill runs out next month. I don't think I'm gonna renew it. No forward it to take it over Stand website. I think that's it. It's done. Yeah, it's done. I haven't touched you in over a year. I don't think I'm gonna renew it. No! I'll take it over. I'll take it over. The stand website. I think that's it. It's done.

Yeah, it's done. I haven't touched you in over a year. I don't have time. Wow. That's some breaking news right there. No one cares. It's breaking news. Well, here's the thing though.

I got- Can I say something though? You were the first comedy website. Now you look at laugh button, you get laugh spin. You got spit take. Split side. You got comics, whatever the fuck that is comedy, whatever the fuck- You have all the fuck you have all these so

I don't think people don't care bro. I think people care more than ever now about these sites But you haven't done anything in a year. I can't be why don't you give it why don't you give it to somebody you can It's just wouldn't be the same It's not the same anyways though. You can't be that guy It's not the same anyways though. You can't be that guy. Crinchumer was to promote the comedians at the time that I love. So now I have a club to put them up and people to come out. Yeah, but there's no one else doing like all the other website.

But that club is going to close in six months. No, I'm kidding. Kelly, this is what's I being gone is in your best interest. What? I'm falling that they would shit on you on the website. Oh, no, but I want to say that no one else does that now. No one else has a name. I can't rail against comedians.

You know, it's whatever. It is what you're a business man. Yeah, I'm a business man. What's in my world? I've learned that the same comedians that I used to shit on are now making me money. So why would I? Well, I mean, look, that's show business.

That's the business of it. But also, too, though do Patrick, you have to understand that the comics that you probably didn't like back then, now that you've seen them up close and personal and you realize they're not assholes, they actually do something different than you're used to. They're actually our funny. Of course, but that you wouldn't like the time there was a need for it at the time. Does that make sense though? What I'm saying? Of course, I love several comedians that you wouldn't. I comedians. I were actually on a hack page back in the day

Really, yeah, that's so funny. Yeah, so you don't feel any like oh about it No, that I mean there there to use me and I'm gonna use that That has your opinion of them changed. I've respect them now. I just doesn't mean I'm a fan of what they do So you understand comedy Yeah, I understand that matured right Well, let's not get carried away. Well, it's still working a good website was essential to anyone outside in New York too Like I came up a can of that like helped us learn who the good guys were without seeing them like head on and and kind of gave us a Head's up, but that was what look at man

That was one of the first website comedy websites out there that was legitimately a comedy website. It was, You have to take photos, we have to put on shows, post audio, The articles. Your articles were great.

I mean, I remember, I mean, honest to God, they were fucking well written articles about the truth, like you'd sit there and go, I can't believe somebody just said that I'll loud and here's a thing if you look at these websites now

it's all copy and pacing fucking pressure releases that's what they do well now I mean it's probably hard to get somebody to write something for free though right you don't even know what was a passion of mine at the time right yeah that was all written by you too right most of Most of it. You're a good writer. I was what I'd lack in verbal skills and make it for myself. And facial skills. Right.

Yeah, so that's going to be sad to see that go. I'm sure you're not going to give it to somebody. I wouldn't let it die. I would keep it going. I think the spirit of the website is carried on to the club now. Yeah, but what if something happens to the club? Well, I think God forbid if something happens, I think I'm established enough of a booker that I could latch on somewhere else and bring that style to another club.

That's how I feel. That's an awesome delusional. I think that club, you know, I think it's great. I don't think there's too much over. I don't know. It's not like one of these clubs that's open, it's like a 600 cedar. It's like we're close to breaking even to see your face. That club. No, that club is very smart

because what they did was is they went and got great comedians. Yeah. They didn't just let, they didn't do barking, they didn't do bullshit shows. They put on, they put on great shows, they let comics come in and have kind of the run of the place. Like whenever you wanna go up, you can go up. I have so much fun at that club and I'm,

and I'm really I'm saying that honestly, not being corporate dander or whatever. I really have a fucking blast. It feels like a place where you can go up. I have so much fun at that club and I'm really I'm saying that honestly not being corporate dano whatever I really have a fucking blast it feels like a place where you can experiment and a lot of time. A lot? Yeah. They said experiment he said the original it's. It feels like it feels like it's a start shift, but it feels like when I used to come here and Manny was in charge. Like it was more free back then.

Well, it is still now. I mean, look, it's definitely a different club, but there is a hang. I went there. This is the problem with the club. You ready? For me. I went there the other night and none of my guys are there. That, if I went there and, you know, it was kind of weird. When I first opened, I was hell-bent on booking comedians

from the seller, and I wasn't getting a lot of love back. So then I said, you know what, fuck this? I'm going to focus on the next wave of company, which is what I did. So starting before the summer, I stopped collecting evils from all these comedians that just showed up to get a paycheck or didn't support or put anything back to the club. But so, you know, it definitely worked out.

So now I'm, I'm harboring that next generation of comedian. Well, I said that, I think that's your thing that you did that was good as you took the young guys that were coming up that were really fun. And, and give me free range and not fucking overbear if they have a bad set. I'm, you know, let them do your thing. But you're also, you let any, any professional guy stop by. Of course, yeah. So you, you'd be like, oh, that's good that these people are stopped by.

And then they're the ones, like the other night, when I did it, it's because other people like do that. I had a blast, it's a great club. Said, you call me and it's like, I'll fucking go down and do it, I'll fucking hang out. And it is a great club. Great crowds, young crowds. Yeah, well, it's Murray Hill.

But they're not fucking idiots, totally. Yeah, we go every way not to bark in tors We don't hit any yeah, tors here a lot of locals there like you if you're doing crowd work We're from where you from you're gonna get all five blocks away Yeah, and I think the thing like the last time I was at the stand I had a lady interrupt my final joke and I like went off on her where most clubs I would have just been like ah fuck. Let me just get off Let me get off but I actually had fun tearing into this girl what you say i was doing the

joke i was doing a joke about uh... makeup testing on animals and she's like actually that's factually like right in the setup and i go are you fucking how dumb are you she's gonna help you joke though she was just no she was dumb she was just contradicting she was just contradicting what did you guys do or uh... usually we give a warning say that next next time you speak up you're out of here And you know then that they do it It was when you kick somebody out Do you just physically take the money just open your mouth and scare them out of the club?

It's a case of hell there about that Excuse me. You're gonna have to leave if you speak again. I'll fucking say whatever You're gonna have to leave if you speak again. I'll fucking say whatever The Looks like venom coming out them It's hard to gauge like the other night this woman was going out with Jay But Jay had the upper hand and once you know, but Jay does that. Yeah, but Jay does that. But once the crowd started turning on here, that's when you get rid of them, because then you have an angry fucking mob. Yeah, right. And it's too small of a room to have that. Yeah, exactly.

You can't, because you're not going to walk through that crowd of day. That's going to, if that crowd turns, you're fucked. Yeah. You're going to have to find a hole you crawl out of you. There's no way out of that. That's like the seller here. If something goes wrong there, you bit of fucking dive over a table When I was back in the day, I remember it was fights in the hallway. Yeah, but they got they got bounces here They got big motherfuckers. No, him doesn't fuck around. He'll he's got big like doorway blockers sun blockers One guys huge downstairs Steve might be Steve's huge. They're gone. They're going quick. Yeah, they just grabbed by the neck

Let's go. I love that. I mean it death. Yeah, or Collins Yeah, precise. I can't believe you're fucking in the in the the the heat of the websites I mean this is when the the last pins and the last button these guys are all coming on the show on up at the festivals They're actually doing a lot for comedy and now common now the cringe humor is gonna be gone I did a radio pilot with Dylan when the use to be it was called another site before we turned into laughspin and it was called Jesus I fuck what was it called punchline magazine? Yeah, and it was me Dylan Jack Vaughan from Comedy Central and Brian Not Brian can a Greg Charles yeah, it used to be a Caroline's and I'm I'm shitting on Comedy Central for giving the Jack Vaughan I'm yelling at him for fucking actually giving money to Carlos Mincee, a notary steve hack.

And Dylan is like buttering him up, saying, oh, don't listen to him, I want to promote you, I want to be the rolling stone of fucking comedy websites. You know what I mean? I never, I always stuck to what I believed. I never tried to make a mainstream. So that's why like, if you heard you were on Cringtumer, if your name was on Cringtumer,

you were scared for the first five minutes. Like fuck, like I was in Montreal. Even back in 2011 and they're like you're you're on consumer like a shit is my accent like I thought I'm gonna go on your back half of the month and like well that's it I'm done yeah Pat were really fucking hurt your feelings like he did when he called me dang cooks opener and I'm that still working the seller well what out what hour? Yeah, we're running for my emotions Anyways, all right guys you guys this has been a great show. This has been a fucking really fun fucking show Lewis Gomez go to Lewis Gomez calm not I hate Kelly for still good calm, but Whatever you fancy such an idiot. Is that make you mad? Oh, he can spend his own money however he wants

Like he's putting like Attention to me, you know what I mean? She buy real ass Homo and have it for You know what someone just bought it Yeah, so was just a little Monday. Don't do that older sister Don't do that older sister shit Where she's like what here he is the homo that That was a good idea. Real ass homo linked to his site. Yeah, this is the problem with Kelly. Ready? She, she, look it.

I don't have time actually. You have to go. He's the best. The problem with Kelly is that she won't commit to either being, she's and she has asshole in her She has fuck you in her Everyone just shut that guns in the sky My god what the fuck you just made fucking Michael all uncomfortable

What's his name Brandon? I made fucking Michael all uncomfortable. I'm Brandon. I gotta go. Brandon. You guys. What's his name? Brandon. That was a stripper name. Brandon is a stripper name. What? Brandon.

I thought I was fucking up as real name as Aaron, right? Yeah. I was going to Aaron on the whole show. This fucking cocks out of Grab My Neck and Strangle me. I look for a fucking microphone stand to smack him with. Wait, what's the problem with Kelly? Did you finish that thought? The problem with Kelly is this, is that she doesn't,

she needs to be liked, she doesn't want people to fucking hate her because she needs, it's true. Yeah, but there's also a line where it takes a lot to get me very mad and very angry because once I'm there I'm like furious. Yeah, but here's the problem, You don't stick up for yourself. You go back on it because you're worried about somebody not liking you.

I'm not worried about Lewis not liking me. Really? He's not liking me for weeks, so it doesn't matter. I mean, yeah, she's noticing it though. Like, she's pinpointed what it's all about. We're trying to get better, but he's just always mad. He's always angry. Is this chick booking you though?

If he didn't like you, he wouldn't be booking you. No, I am not. I don't know. You were working in LL New York. Some times I am. Do you not book Kelly? Let's not get into this. I have no fuck here.

Do you not book Kelly? No, I don't. Why? I need someone who would merit. I mean, I think she's funny. But I have 200 comedians that I'm not to 100. 200 are my rotation that I have to choose Who's gonna fill seats? I'm not just a booker. I'm someone that you know has to make money for the club

So Carrie doesn't have merit Kelly doesn't have merit yet. What about Joe list? Joe list I give a few spots to have done some spots. Yeah, you've done some spots. Yeah, what about Dan Soda? I worked everything So there aren't I used to be one of my favorite hosts. Fantastic. What about Paul Verzi? Paul Verzi is there often? I had a good time when I was there last week. I had a good time because he was there too. Pat was watching the show.

Yeah, I like when Pat's there. It's fun. I brought my wife and kid down. Did you? Yeah. Great food too. Yeah, I wanted to eat there, but I feel I'll be honest. I feel uncomfortable.

I really would love to. I feel love to I just do because it's not It's it's it's it's it's like I'm warning to me like I I've known you for all this time, and dude I know it's not it's not you dude. It's not the I look I like all the guys at work at the club I own the club. They're all fucking great, but it's like it's it feels um, I don't know it's like I Was sitting there and I like, I was sitting there and I felt like I was being watched. You're words. I was weird, like nobody was there.

Patrick in the back. Like you come to the- I don't want my nipples to rain beer. Bobby finally on my clothes. You weren't, I swear, nobody was watching. And then, you know, like when I went on, I told you like, think I was like, hey thanks for coming by.

Like these comics were like, hey thanks for stopping by. And I was like, somebody else's show. It's an outside particular. And it was like, I was like, thanks stop and buy and I was like some theme like somebody else's show It's an outside and it was like I was like oh okay, and I was like oh shit This is somebody else's show I felt I felt a little Whenever I bring an outside producer show only to pass the only comedians get passed or pass get paid Yeah, so it's not like I'm just letting any smoke go up there. It's still up to our standard and quality Yeah, I still like I'm gonna come by and do the show more. I like it I like it. I'm really I'm gonna eat there. I eat there all the time

I work there. It's like sandwich. I like standing in the back Have you been there because yeah, I'm there all the time. Can you can you do you gonna book Chris? I'll take a look at him Yeah, really she take a look at him. I'll check it out. What about you? Not the only How is Kelly gonna get married if she doesn't get a shot? If she can bring seven people? No. Well, her just dropped. That's fucking killing me today.

The fucking Kelly's not funny. No, no, no, she gets fucking. Well, are you funny? I think I'm funny. I know I'm funny. But, come on. No, no, no, no. No, fuck.

Ask. It's not a defense. Defend right. Defend right. No, we want to do it all the time. I'm thinking I'm doing it. Hey, I start to chance on this show. I don't know what I do. I know I love Caleb.

Everyone breaks your walls. I know, but it's like I get so tired of it because it's just such a cheap shot. Like, I'm going to make the Nikkele's act. It's like really, that's the best you can do. I think she's taking a person because I'm a booker. You know, you've been very per- you hurt the heart today. Yeah, everyone. Hang on a really quick, Kelly. I'm going to be. I you know you've been very per you hurt the heart today. Yeah, everyone hang on really quick Kelly.

I'm gonna be opening for Dane. This Thursday Friday Saturday. Rounding up a Nashville on Sunday. So come on down. You haven't hurt my feelings and I did not shit on your act whatsoever. Although you did attack me shortly after everyone else shit on your act.

When he said shortly. I'm not saying I like her act. Yeah, and he's not saying shortly because of you. Thank you. Sorry, Jack. It's okay. I'm having the bandana. I'm not saying I like her. And he's not saying shortly because of you are. I'm calling. Sorry, Jack. Can I have the bandana? My shortly joke didn't work. You know what, dude.

I really fucking tried to jam it in there. I didn't even look at it. Can you get the bandana if we didn't realize that you were trying to make a joke? Yes. All right, listen, Kelly, you're funny. Stop touching the fucking vid you camera. I realize once I touch it.

Yeah, because you're like an ass. Now you just got Kelly's out of shot. No, stop, stop. Kelly's got a lean in, you got a lean in. Anyways, Kelly, look, you're what you're at, you're four years into the business. How long are you in? 12 and a half.

How long are you in? How long are you in? I'm rather not. And also, you have to realize I had to start a game when I moved to New York't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know time I go back to Australia I have to adjust everything again. Don't you have like an open mic? You can let her on yeah every Monday

Yeah, but you gotta pay for my I don't pay for my ex I'll wave your fee Well, you wait. Why won't you I mean much helper? How come do you like we help I think it makes all the time fucking hey how'd love to every Monday through Thursday at six o'clock Monday through Thursday at six o'clock. That's great every Monday through Thursday at six o'clock Monday through Thursday at six o'clock That's great because here's the thing here's a little almost like a project where you can see if you can cultivate comedians that's what you can do and you would two dozen comedians right now two thousand two thousands yeah well why well why wouldn't you want Kelly who's gonna promote your club every week on this show of course fifty thousand people I don't know if you know I'm very cringeworthy

But like here's a deal you make her a better comic by giving it a stage time Never expressed interest I get hounded by comedians looking for stage time in spots You never you know because I go by the well, I mean you make a really good point because I go by the thing where don't kiss Is asked will you just take the fucking spots? Am I out of my mind?. We just take the fucking spots. I'm not out of my mind. Let me finish. Oh, have some fucking spine. I'm mad.

Yeah. You have a fucking backbone. Have a fucking backbone. Yep. Shut up. Stop wearing stupid sweaters. It looks great. Not because my theory was always that if you're doing really, really well, people have

the age of the ground and that's why I come to you. Yeah, but I go. I mean, I'm fucking the heir to the ground. What are we Indians? I'm so happy. The fuck is this age of the ground and that's that's I mean the ground I'm so the ground nobody knows if you have a good set of not you as all

for the winds were talking you're I was a dark warrior and the upper part of Manhattan that had a decent set this warrior's name was Wally Collins I mean there's something downtown I feel it in the ground at the stand lopsided titted woman will bring her out the stand lower Manhattan stand is fucking stand is low Manhattan you want a fucking call back that what it is I'm so inundated.

Wow, that's a big word. Yeah. By comedians. And you can only say that with a fucked up too. And comedians that are terrible and then you do give them a shot and they fucking fail. Right. But you know, I don't want to do that. The way I know the way I go about it is by other comedians talking about other comedians. That's what I mean. Well, here's a deal though. No one's come to me and said, hey, you got to check Kelly out. No offense.

But I'm just saying. Yeah. I think you I'm gonna say this you have to check out Chris Copa. He is He's funny That midget ass needs to be on a stay Work yeah, that will you should check out scopa absolutely give him a shot. Are you giving an official recommendation? I am giving you a few yes, so S.C. Did you go check out Chris scopa. No, but your club is in his good Are you comparing your listen give you slow down slow your roll fucking buck. Tell you what have out every time you come down in my club I'll give him a look I really hope you don't take offense. I hope you don't take a really do. I hope you don't take offense. I

Have a little ad. I am. Listen man, I hope not because it has not just you. It's a whole bunch of It has nothing to do with that pat. I really it's not because I work the seller or I just I I don't want to do comedy to waste my time the other night I had one line that I wrote that I wanted to see if it worked at the end And it and that's why I wanted to go out on Monday and do a spot. I've been so fucking crazy with life shit that I don't want to just come out and randomly do sets. You know what I mean?

If I'm gonna do something, it has to mean something. You mean if you want to test it out or, you know. I work one night a week at the seller. I work Monday, I work Tuesday or Monday and that's it it and then I work Friday and Saturdays if I'm around You know what I mean like I'm not doing spots anywhere and it's because I don't want to take up time from people who Really have new shit that they're working on or a new comic and I hear I am showing up doing the same Fucking 10 15 minutes. I had something to work on that night and it's like, that's when I wanted to come down. I didn't want to, it's not, does that make sense?

It makes sense, but I always, I told you, I always leave a spot open for anyone that wants to just, you know. Yeah, absolutely, and I'm definitely gonna, I'll take it. I'm definitely, he let him finish professionals. Cringey more alumni. But I would definitely, I don't want you to think it's like fuck you and your club, absolutely not.

I really, if there's anybody who promoted your club, I've been promoted in the comedy cell. I could say, I really. I'm amazed, like, it hasn't been like a territory war. Not a territory war, bro. Look, man, it's different. I remember. Look, this is lower Manhattan, that's upper and lower Manhattan.

That's mid-lower. But no, it's fine, I'm glad you guys are doing great. I'm definitely gonna start calling you and coming over there more please because I have I'm I'm I'm gonna be doing my hour soon And I gotta start doing We want to run your hour. We just got Kurt Metzger is our company central. Oh, I would never for us I would love to not I'm not doing a lot of the honest is to nice I did a big J did it also so yeah absolutely and I you should look at Kelly Yeah, you should give us some spots. You should to help her all right seriously you should you should try to help her out

You mom good to hang out with Kelly shut the fuck up man. I'm calling Just just say yeah, just say yes, just say and you should check out scopa as my football coaches to say act like you've been there before Scopa's one of the fucking coolest dudes I know. I'm talking about. Honestly, I got each person though. That ass don't quit. I got, I was with Shultza's weekend and I cautioned in comics.

I got drop in a date on four day straight. They just made fun of Shultza, go out and do 10 minutes on my ass before, when he was on. There's not the funniest on a podcast, but he has Shultza's name. We're gonna get the fuck out of it. This is done. This this this this was a great podcast It was fucking awesome Lewis J. Gomez go to his site Joe list. What do you got?

October 19th with Ryan one of the fuck this network's called right cast calm Nick DePolo and I are at the taps theater in Cincinnati and then October 25th through the 27 I was supposed to be in Hartford, but I'm no longer longer there I've been plugging that but I'm now in going to Norway. Oh What so Hanley yeah me and Hanley and the Stefano are doing some Both shit there. I'm going up there too. Oh, all right. You're going to Norway too. No, I'm going to Switzerland. No, I'm going I'm going to know I'm going to do a St. John Which is up that. I'm going to wear an urn from. No, I'm going to wear up to Canada, like the last tip of the North America, the furthest

you can go. St. John's newfound land. I'm going to love it. So just for laughs, I've been there already. Yeah, it's fucking awesome. I love it. I love just for, I'm doing the tour. I'm doing a bunch of dates for the tour again, which is awesome.

I can't wait. Yeah, now I'm not doing it with Dane see progress. I'm still opening for Nate. Jay Davis hosting. I would love to do a show with Jay Davis. Does he doesn't he isn't your bartender now? No, but I love it. If you fun, you know, I've got to the point in my life now where it's just like let's just do shows together who gives a fuck that I hate being on the road alone Stinks just being in a hotel by yourself. You know Xbox. Oh, you fuck give me that sucks, too Grant the photos fuck go into the fat. It's a great game Yeah, but really great game. I played I logged some serious hours in Calgary

But to be on the road with friends. Yeah, you can't fuck with it walking around the city to be on the road with friends. You can't fuck with it. Walk around the city, having a good time, getting lunch, doing a show, shooting the shit, making each other laugh. I think we, I wish we all did shows together. It's such a solo fucked up business we live in. As soon as you hit, you just gotta be by yourself

all the fucking time. Until you make enough money to fucking bring one of you duchess with me. And then you're gonna hit and you won't be able to fuck, I won't be able to afford you. It just sucks. It's a lonely fuck up. Let me get them right now.

That's why I do this show every week. That's where this fucking rant was going. That rant was brought to you by where I do in the show right now. What is that's what I do? I love you too. All right, Dan, what do you got? I will be at the Albany Comedy Works,

the 11th and 12th. And then I'm gonna be Seattle then I'm going to be Seattle. I'm going to laughs in Kirkland, Washington. I'll be there the 24th, 25th and 26th of October. Okay. What do you got? What do you got? Kelly? Kelly, are you recording right now? No, I was just doing Fridays. I'm on the 15th of October. I'll be at Eastville. There you go. That's good. All right. And then on the 6th of October, I'll be at Eastville. There you go, that's good. All right. And then on November the 6th, we're doing the ride cast.

Right cast show. Yeah, Village Underground, 7 o'clock and 9 o'clock. Coming to that factory. You want to do a cringey machine? Well, so. What's that? Remember that? Your website?

What is a cringey machine show? So, a bunch of comedians from cringey machine. Where is it? I'll do a village underground. That night? Yeah. That night I have you want to do a village underground that night. Yeah, now that night I have already have a show I have two shows. I do a show here. I'm gonna be at the stand in about a half hour eating Tater-Tot nachos That's about it. Stand at the C.com don't close think about closing don't don't close consumer Don't do it. Keep it keep it going. Yeah, I don't know. Just keep it up there. Keep it in those skirts.

I'm thinking of putting up like an old archive version from like 0405. Don't throw it away, dude. Not yet. You know what I mean? Someone might want to take that over. Someone listen to might want to take it over. Maybe? Yeah, you can probably sell it. I sell to Dylan. Okay. So fucking. Like, climate. Hmm. What do you got, buddy? I'm at the stand, NYC this month. When do you, when do you go to air Monday?

8th. The 8th. October 17th, 29th, 30th, and 31st. I'll be at the stand. And I'll be in Okinawa, Japan. Yeah. USO. Yeah, damn it.

I was going to go from Miyagi reference. USO? USO? Yeah. Who are you going with? USO. I'm not sure. Why didn't I look in the Canadian on the USO? I think it was this guy from the Oggi reference. You, USO? Yeah, yeah. Who are you going with? You, USO? I'm not sure. Why do you look into Canadian on the USO tour?

I think it was this guy from the West Coast, maybe. I think this guy, Daniel. Daniel Tosh. Daniel Dugar, or something. Daniel Tosh. I don't think it's a big name. Oh, that's fun. Aaron, you got a show coming out, too, right?

Oh, yeah, my TV series, 24-hour rental comes out. What is that? It's scripted, incredibly dark on censored comedy uh... so we think why i can't confirm the u.s. network yet u.s u.s.a.? no i can't confirm which network it's airing on the states it'll be on super channel in canada super jane

i watched that city hall the night on that jesus christie at a stand-up on there. He was so fucking atrocious It was so fucking atrocious a new guy. No, he's a fucking he's Who's doing our cinema this Wednesday where I'm like this is gonna be terrible. I got to watch it someone I don't know, but it was I watched this guy do standup I was like you're fucking lying when you're watching stand up and you go you're lying to me right now. Scout was like you know you're on the road you're doing stand up man a lot of times you know you know when I'm out there you know shut the fuck up stop telling me how it is to be

a stand up you're not a fucking stand up you're an actor I don't know it was fucking terrible. Is it a Lucian book that? Did he come back from the dead? That was me. All right, sorry, remember the guy that was trying to make the Twitter the big Twitter guy and went on and did stand up and everything He said was alive. You mean rolling stones hottest Rob Delaney that's it was the hottest Santa Maria. He went on TV and everything that got out of his mouth was alive Everything that came out of his mouth was alive. Oh, he's Kim. Oh, yeah, terrible. I like to eat two whole pizzas at a time And this is the problem with the fucking what's out there right now for comedy. It's fucking six second vine It's fucking I have nothing. I enjoy vine. I love Rhydune fucking hilarious. I love Joe list

I love Joe. I love a lot of people on but this is what's happening. It's this quick fucking fast MTV fucking horse shit. I could go. Yeah, we can That's only a part of you can't because you're fucking involved in it. No, I can actually I can I can bring my own opinion to this really Yeah, I really can let's talk about it next show. We will all right you hear next show All right, what do you got the scope of besides a spot at the stand? I What do you got the scope of besides a spot at the stand? You can be at Chris Scopo on Twitter and I got shows all in the village just come find me I don't know go look the pair the soloist do you

He's Bob Dylan Would you hook Kelly up a show? I Kelly is on my show Thursday actually 206 lounge. He's like it mate I like to do your show. What the fuck is this? Yeah, I'm like a lawyer. I thought you guys were a little above it. he's like it mate. You should have liked it. Do you show what the fuck is this? Yeah, I'm like a lot. I thought you guys were a little above it. It's a little room. You are.

Listen. You guys. Guys, if you're above it, I'm telling you. What's his place? I need something on Thursday. What do you guys? 206 lounge. It's right across the street from the lanterns.

Yeah. Yeah, you guys are above it. You have Filipino girl veins. What? What in the hell, bro? I don't know. You're just your veins and your hum's like Filipino girl veins. What? Where the hell, bro? I don't know, you're just your veins and your hands like Filipino girl veins. What are Filipino girls? What kind of World War I veteran status there?

He smells like lumpia. Where's my dates, brother? Bob here, right here. Actually, McGubbies on the 10th, I had to cancel. I'm shooting a couple episodes of Louis. Yeah! Nice! I going to start tomorrow. October 11th, so we're going to be at Mugubi's Jocas. It's 12th at Mugubi's Jocas.

The 17th of October in Provincet, Atlanta, Georgia. All the way to the 19th. The 19th. And October 24th, one night only, you can catch Bobby Kelly at the Rebel casino in X City Then the 25th 26th you're gonna be at comedy works obni October 30th just for laughs Canada St. John's Monk talk was yeah, what is Toronto?

How was monk monkton monkton runs with yeah? What is monk monkton monkton runs with Mon tongue and then the seventh eighth ninth. Yeah, you're gonna be at the dark How is that in Toronto? I never did it. Yeah, Romeo books. Rob who may you Romeo who's that? He's this guy the books some stuff and nice guy nice guy. Yeah, nice guy. It must be a nice guy. Look me Anyways, all right. that's enough dates. Go to robbercallylive.com for any more of my dates. What else do we get? Oh, you make sure.

Get your tickets now. Go to New York Comedy Festival. It's gonna be for sure. It's gonna be fucking awesome. We're gonna do a live podcast at the Village Underground and we're gonna do after that. We're gonna have a riot cast show. It's gonna be a whole fucking night of comedy.

Thanks for the stand for coming up with the idea of doing the show, because we would never ever... I tested it out and stand in the big success, so make a big deal of soft run. We got a soft opening. So thank you so much. And thank you, Dan Cook, for allowing me

to fucking open for you. Still, after all these years, after all these years. And I love you guys. Thank you so much for coming on my show. I really appreciate it. Nice meeting you, bro. I had a lot of fun and I love the regulars. You guys are the best. You're the best.

So thank you guys for thanks. So thanks, you're welcome. And so. This is so awesome. And you know what sucks is that Scalp but doesn't have to end the show click the fucking button No, not that stuck in the fog You know what needy

Bring this frog, sonny, frog, sonny You know what needy Really needy, really needy, really needy You know what needy ¡Juan, stop! Filming my face, John stop! ¡Fuming my faith! ¡Don't stop! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.

que sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.