Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - It's the Stew

Episode Date: March 26, 2018

Joe Machi, Alana Luv and Kevin Brennan join Bobby for a killer episode of yelling and sharing! We find out what Kevin hates, what Alana likes about Bobby and we learn Machi can’t be bullied! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a claustrophic. It's podcast, no rules. What are the mic-ass holes? I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic-a-phone? No, that's so f**k.

That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, and he happens. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Way both sides of the coin.

That's not what a host does. You love a podcast. I don't want to do anything. My podcast is popular. I might affect some of these lines. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on flightcast.com. Well, well, this is your partner. Great episode. Very excited. Welcome back. You know what you podcast.

Live from the right cast studios above the comedy seller. I want to thank Laffable, the app Laffable, those guys over there, there they are right there on the screen. If you love podcasting, make sure you go to Laffable.com, no, you go to Laffable on the app. Do they have a new app, right? New app for the iPhone. It's a new app for the iPhone. They don't have one for Android yet, correct?

No. Great. They're't have one for Android yet, correct? No. Great. They're working on it. Whatever, fuck those poor people. Lathable. What are you doing? Settle the fuck down, Kevin.

Would you just bump the whole table? Lathable.com. It's like my balls. Man. Man. Make sure you go to Lathable and download the app. It's a great app if you're a little podcasting. Comedy seller Vegas.

Did you get booked there yet? No. Did you get booked? Not yet. Did you get booked? Who is it through? What do you got? It's SD.

I'm not booked either. That's weird. I think they're using LA guys mostly because it's just easier. I'm no, I think they're using, I don't know who the fuck they're using. I'm not gonna ask, but yeah, Las Vegas comedy seller. There it is right there. The first is at the first week. Moe mayor Kyle Dunnigan, Jessica Kirsten and Nathan McIntosh. That's actually a killer lineup. And we got the MC is Mark Cohen. That's a great lineup. You wasn't working three years. So they're definitely using LA guys because he don't work.

Well, he works now. Yeah, he worked because they opened the room. But he's the host. Yeah. He's the host of the, and he lives in Vegas. Yeah. So there you go.

He's not a bad guy. They got two LA guys. Who? Kyle Dunnigan. Kyle, that's one. And Mark Cohen. All right, two. Three new people.

Two out of five. Two new people. And Noah Mears Arab, so I don't know what the fuck that means. That's just, why would you, why would you wrong with you? And they are going all right to three new out of five to and no one mirrors Arab So I don't know what the fuck that means. That's just why would you why what's wrong with you? Comedy sell the Vegas Comedy sell Vegas right now go to commissary.com for tickets We're gonna get Kevin out there Kevin. Who would you who would go with you? Probably Greer Greer. Who else is that it? Well, I don't think they tell you who you're going it? Just you don't know. I don't think they

tell you who you're going with today. I don't know. I don't think they approved the line up by you. I should. I go with Kevin. Would you go with Kevin? Yeah, I think we could hang out together. We're a natural buddy cop team. Yeah. I'd go with Kevin. I'd do with Kevin. Yeah. I'm pretty good off off the air. Yeah, you're great if you're not on a podcast. I'm reasonable. Yeah. On a comedy show, you're fantastic. We did a comedy show and where's it, Pittsburgh?

Yeah, you killed. You did too. Of course, I was setting you up to say I could kill you. I'm not as much as me, but you did good. I know, you couldn't follow you. You did well. Well, you know, as fucked up, they made Colin do an hour after we all did 15.

It's so dumb. Yeah. It's just so unfair, you know what I mean? First of all, if everybody does 15, then the audience is programmed for 15 or 20. And then Colin does 40 after you, and you're a fucking killer act. I'm not even kissing your ass.

I said, even when I'm trashing you, you're good. So it's, you're not easy to follow, especially when you do 20 and he does 40. Yeah. You're right, you're right. I don't know if I wanted to fight on that or not. Oh, it's just so, you're not easy.

You're not easy. So many stupid things. You sounded angry even though it was all nice stuff. Yeah, it was all great shit. Good point, you know. You can't get some good report on it. Yeah, that's great. You go to all A's.

A's, no B's, you, good reporting. Yeah, that's great. You go to all a You fucking good kid You fucking great kid anyways. Oh, yeah, it'll be good, but I got kids so I can't even go out there Why not you have kids too? Stop acting like kids are the fucking end of the world My wife's busy. She's going to school. I'm working so I can't So you stay at home dad no, but I'm just saying I can't go for a week to Vegas Your wife doesn a wife. I wouldn't even make any money because I'd play poker the whole time

and get a couple of hoars. I don't know why I looked at you. Why are you looking at me? I was like, that was kind of rude. Look, because you were a lady. I was just obviously joking when I said that. That way a producer. No, a producer.

All right, let's go. First of all, I'm gonna be fired up and watch you touch real quick. Now, a producer. All right, let's go. First of all, I'm going to be fighting on what she does right away. I have to say, Patreon people, I want to give, first of all, Kevin has a great Patreon that's out right now. I just started it. We're going to be promoting it.

There it is. No, that's mine. That's my channel. My channel. Go to his Patreon page. Right? Party, that's pretty good. We just started it. That's great, dude. It's Right? That's pretty good. We just started it.

That's great, dude. That's not great, but. Hey, you just started it. It's great. I'm behind Comtown, aren't I? We're all behind Comtown. I think fucking, there's nobody. I think if Elon Musk got a fucking,

he'd be behind Comtown. So I gotta push it, yeah. Dang, cook. Kevin Hart is behind Comtown. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck they're doing. Can I keep naming names? Is there somebody else? Yeah. Alright, so I wanna thank, uh, make know what the fuck they're doing. Can I keep naming names for somebody last? Yeah. Alright, so I wanna thank, make sure you go to Patreon.com.

What does it, Misery Love's company is creating a podcast. There it is right there, go and become a member of Patreon.com. MLC podcast. There it is. I wanna thank all the people that joined my page. The $25 supporters, you guys are great. Adam D. Flaminies, Doug Hill, Exo Mateo, Wilkin Kaufman, Mike Costello, Mark Littlefield, Timmy, Steven LaPage, Howard Porter, and Jason Abrams.

You guys are fantastic. You guys are supporters of my channel. You join the channel. I hope you like the new show, Live From the Shed. The first episode, calling Quinn. The next episode we're filming is Matt Sarah, UFC fighter. We got a bunch of stuff hooked up. We're going to have one episode a month, 12 episodes a year. We have a bunch of other things we're filming. We'll put it up there. So make sure you become remember my channel. That's patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. It's it's go right now. Go the fuck right now. And now comedy on state, has anybody worked comedy on state besides me? I heard it's good, and what's content?

Dude, listen to me. If every club was like this, I would fucking, I would be the happiest man on earth. They give you money, they pay you well, hotel is fucking supreme, it's a walking distance to the club. You walk in, the green room is stacked with shit that you like. There's three cigars waiting for me,

there's a massage chair, there's a table. You go on stage, fucking sold out, every fucking show, okay? The crowds are amazing, they do not take shit from anybody. They say at the beginning, if you talk, you'll get one warning and then you're gone. If you pull your cell phone out, you get one warning, then you're gone. It's a Madison.

Madison, which constant, the family that owns is the sweetest people ever. The guy who runs it is the fucking coolest guy ever. It is the best gig I've ever fucking done. Hands down. And they're booking Chris Katan, is that right? I didn't say, no, I just saw this. Yes, they're working on the website.

Yeah, he's popping right now. Is he? I don't know. I'm just saying. I actually had somebody, I took a photo with somebody and I put it up and I retweeted and somebody went, Chris Katan's doing comedy, that was the only thing they got out of it. Yeah, he's doing comedy.

That's so sad. Why? Because he's not a comedian. So he does mango, he comes out and does mango. I don't think he can anymore because he has a smile. I said no, I don't think he has a smile. He has a, he has a, he heard his back. Good.

What? I want to work there. Maybe I'll get in this week next year week next year I just have your agent I Fire so I'm not gonna say I'm not gonna say on don't you know what dude what my agent? I'm not gonna say it Take anybody other than my agent she's the worst. I'll just say it's a she. But if I'm not even being a she, I'm just fucking working.

Why are you not working? Like, I don't see you on the road a lot. No, I know, because my agent sucks. And plus, I've been like, I can't, I don't push her that hard because my wife's working. She's going to school. I can't really travel that much. Now, like in April, I can.

And then whatever. So I'm gonna start pushing out probably fire Maybe I'll fire next time I'm on the show with you. Well, I'm definitely a fire. I'm never gonna fire on the air I'm definitely gonna quit before you fire. No, she don't even know she's on 10 ice, but she's on very 10 ice No, she's not listening to the live Gabby, please introduce everybody on the show real quick. Oh my gosh. We have a lot of love. Hi, thank you for having me. How's it going? Good, how are you? Good. We have Kevin Brennan. How's it going? Good. We have Joe Mackey. The kid. Joe, the kid. Yeah, the kid. What's up, buddy? Not much. Not much. How are you? I'm hanging in there.

Hang it in there. Why? What's he talking about? Well much, not much. How are you? I'm hanging in there. Hang it in there. Why? What's he talking about? Well, we got another taste of winter coming tomorrow, even though it's spraised. And I'm supposed to go to college. Oh, you got to fly out. You got to fly out. Yeah, well, I'm supposed to fly tomorrow.

And my first flight got canceled, so I booked an earlier flight. Right. Why'd you leave today? Ah, cause I have to do this podcast. I made a commitment, and I keep that. I didn't get to see it. Oh, my, are you serious? Well, I also have two shows in it. Oh The earlier things not gonna work because I tried it the last time when you remember they had that us the

Cypress storm or whatever the fuck it was called. Yeah, the whole thing got wiped that yeah, the cyber bomb or whatever I tried booked the earliest flight I could out of town. It's still got canceled. I actually even before it snowed, they just fucking canceled. They don't give a shit. I made it out of the San Antonio. Yeah.

I was supposed to go to Florida tonight and the flights got canceled. Yeah. I made it out that day. I actually got out first flight out. I made it out. What time? It was six in the morning.

I booked it to 555 and they canceled it before it. Like at midnight they canceled me. Really? But you have to go to day before. I learned to go to day before. But I wasn't even thinking to go to day before. Plus I have a fucking family in shit. But let me out.

How old are you kids? I can't even say that. My wife's done, let me talk about him on the air anymore. How old are you kids? They're getting trolled on a fight. They're getting trolled. I can't fucking, I can't talk about it. You're kids are getting trolled.

Yes, yes. First of all, why are your kids on fucking social media? They're getting trolled on a fight they're getting trolled I can't fucking I can't talk about getting trolls First of all why your kids on fucking social media. They're not they're getting trolled by because of the fucking a gym and samshel I did they're getting trolled why oh Because what they land outside what do you say you don't remember what he said? Oh, yeah He said something like I don't know he said about his wife. I just said she was fat I said I said you're fat. I bet your wife's fat. Cause everybody from the mid-west is fat. First of all fat. And then people sent me pictures.

She was fat. So did I feel completely vindicated? 100%. Yeah, but you can't listen. No, I can't cause I did. Listen, I know you can't listen. You don't bring his kids in. I just said, you're fat.

I bet your wife's fat. Listen, Kevin. Atlanta's on my side. I just said, you're fat. I bet your wife's fat. Listen, Kevin. Alana's on my side. Kevin, Kevin, you're shi- Triple X. Triple X, yeah. What's Triple X? That's her Twitter.

Oh yeah, because you're in porn. Yeah. Right, I get it. I didn't know what Triple X was. I thought it was a size thing. I'm fat. I hear Triple X, I think size. I think size.

Very enough. You can't listen. you can't assume, because he's from the Midwest and then call his wife fat and then he responded. No, I said I bet your wife fat, right? Yes. Yeah, I know, but you called his wife, you went out of the box,

trashed him fine, then you went to his family. What did you do, say the same thing about your wife? That's stupid, he went for your kids. Well, that's, that's a book. And then you stood up and you said that's enough. You drew the line. No I grabbed them. They they they took that out of the thing.

What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do to them? Beat his fuck. I'll beat your fucking face them right now mother fucker. Do it. Let me take this five hour energy. Do it. Nothing would make me happy if you give me first.

No, this is not shit. He was sitting right next to, basically, where Joe is. I just fucking grabbed him, but they'd, Norton took it out because he thought I might get banned forever. From serious. Yeah. If they showed me.

Yeah, you can't physically touch somebody. I didn't know that. I didn't know the rules. There's rules in life. And you should be teaching them to your kids. I know. You're on a radio show with Jim and Sam. No touching.

Yeah, no touching. You go, why are you gonna do that? But I shoulda, what? You shouldn't have done that. I was gonna cock, but I know if you punch somebody, you break your hand. So I just, Yeah, with that hand, you break it.

That little thin fucking Irish, fucking, sorry I worked out. You don't work out. I took four miles today. Running is not working out. You have a monster, says a guy who's, Damn it up. I was the last time you ran.

I running because you're knees wouldn't support you I wouldn't run But I will I could pick you up and throw you out of fucking window if you can catch me. I could catch you That's true. You'd probably run away from me. Yeah, but I'll fucking catch you I'll wait for you And to you come back and do a spot How you doing? I think everyone's got a nice family There's no there's no rules here at this point. There's the rules. How's his podcast doing? Awesome.

I listen to a new podcast called Four Corners Podcast. Yeah, you had to bring it up. You know, because they just tweet us. Look at how smart they are. Look how fucking evil happy you are. Jim Florentine is the guest. I'm afraid I'm friendly with Jim Florentine. Now let's not get carried away. No, we're friendly. No, we're friendly. I do his podcast. He does mine, whatever. And they're talking about, they're talking about his time with

with a with a crank calls. Did you say whatever's? I don't know. I like when you keep it short. So I love it. I love it. You talk to the so they do I guess they do for they do four 15 minutes segments They're talking about Howard Stern. Yeah, and then which is pretty interesting and then they go to they go to Miami Dolphins football game and it was released on March 12th and I was like good job, Lanny Good job, and I died I texted Floi T and I go I go yeah It was good to go talking about the football game that happened in October in a release in March He's a fucking idiot and this is good this the guy that you gave me as a producer supposed to be like a top tech guy He didn't think that maybe it will it may be not talking about a top a

Dated game and then release it in March and who does a fucking podcast in October release it in March No, nobody else but Lenny, you're fucking Wiz. Lenny the Wiz. Did you see him today for lunch? Not today. We were supposed to today. What happened? I don't know.

We just couldn't do it. We couldn't do it. I used to have a partner and Bobby and him were best friends. We're not best friends. No, we're not. No, we're still very close. Yes. I don't know if they have a best friend. They've launched no, no. We're still very close, yes. They've lost every day. I don't know if I have a best friend.

They've launched every day. We had a lot of best friends. I'm your best friend. I, ugh. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. Listen, I have a best friend. I have you have like three I'm friends with win. Quintets one of my good friends. No one's one of my good friends Keith I have very before he had a stroke After he did kind of die off a little bit Sam as much I

Here comes Keith and got to wait five minutes. Slow. Oh, he's moving slow. I love him. He'll grab you one night right by your fucking Ellen neck. Right by your wrinkly old fucking Irish neck. I can, great. You can't take Keith. I can take Keith.

No, you can. Now you can. I don't like him. But not before. How's Quendoin? He's doing good. He's doing good. Really good.

Actually, he had a change as a diet. After a heart attack, that would be the thing, yes. So he's all vegan all the time? No, you have to go vegan. You have to, he talked to you, he was like talking to a three year old, you just go left to right. That's it, there's no middle ground with you. He's gonna die, no, he's doing good.

So he has to go vegan, no, he can eat. That way he does, right? No, he, right, no. Stop saying right at the end. You're gonna ask a question, just ask the question. Don't answer it. He, so he does, right? No, he, right, no. Stop saying right at the end. You can ask a question, just ask the question. Don't answer it. He's, so he does, right? No, just shut up and ask the question.

He's fine. He has to change his diet a little bit. He can't eat, you know, what he was eating, you know, pastries and fucking meat. You know, when I'm weird and pissed, but we had two breakfasts. Oh, you did? No, we did.

Me, you and Quinn. Remember, we ate that place, and then we went to get pastry after breakfast. I'm like, no, one of these fat fuckers so fat. That's called a snack. Now, we went to a pastry shop, and we had a full breakfast. Thank you, sweetie.

There's always a one, Princess Er. Thank you, sweetie. But she's a little gal, so she can talk like that. Yes. Dude, we went to the bang bang. We did a little snacky poo after. I thought they were kidding. They go we're gonna go to our pastures. I just played along because I don't get a poor. I was sold to that. We went and got, how great was that breakfast

place though? It was good. Yeah, we did. We are little fatties. Me and me and Quint. He really was like, what the fuck are we, why are we doing this? You fat fucks. History after a big old breakfast. Yeah, you got it though. You're in that little town. You only live once. Well, he almost lived. You're not my lesson. Less.

I actually was funny after he had a heart attack. Me and Vos both ran to the doctors and got every test possible, especially makes. I'm like, dude, if he's almost dropped, I'm fucking right there, but I found out that everything's great Weird did you see your doctors degree you just Might have went to a sham doctor no shoes in an optic like a eyeglass place and she did blood

They did eyes and a heart stuff. No, they did blood test and they did they did a stress test I did a run on a treadmill. I did they did a stress test. I did a run on a treadmill. I did a stress test. I did a blood test. I did a EKG. I did. I did everything you could possibly do. I actually wanted to get a Is a test that they do where they check the Like the that your heart they can check through what the fuck is it? Angiogram calcium. No calcium. I wanted to do a calcium score but they were like you don't need it after the stress test The doctor was like you I just watched you run for 10 minutes and You're fine your heart's fine. I didn't see anything wrong with it So I was in shock as much as you and my heart weight was 128 over 80

Which I was like you got to be kidding me Like what the my cholesterol cholesterol perfect and then just what left and got a foot long hole And my heart rate was 128 over 80, which I was like, you gotta be kidding me. Like what the, my cholesterol, cholesterol perfect. And then just what left and got a foot long hoagie. No, that's a celebration. Fuck everybody, I'm a fat fuck and I do what I want. I know, I'm not talking about you, of course. Dude, you've got me, that's like 900 times

behind my back you come. I'd rather have you do it right now. Yeah, that's true. No, dude, no, I was so. No, you don't know, you don't know. It's looking high. I was one brother who runs Maritons and half Maritons, he had a hard attack while I was running.

I have another brother who's like, you know, probably through in a 50 pounds and he's like, see, running will kill you. That's weird, right? That's his take. It's really hard. Do you work out? Oh, yeah, it's just taken a year. It's very reddit time. Do you work out? Oh, yeah, it's been obvious.

Well, I look good. You look good. Yeah. If you were like in Europe, like in the UK, you're living in the Netherlands. I know. Have you a Dutch you look... You're really Dutch.

You're very... If you were in clogged. I know. A lot of good looking people in the Netherlands. No,, there is I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm probably a lot of fans there don't you? I do I'm you're up Dude, do you really what do you do for working out Joe? I lift weights and I do exercise bike really? Yeah, that's great I'm also on the intermittent fasting diet. I do that too. Oh, yeah, I passed nine o'clock I don't eat till the next day at 10 o'clock on 9.30.

Every day, every day. Even when you're working at night, you don't eat up at nine o'clock. Yeah, if you eat, you can have, what is it? Apples or some shit? Oh, I don't do it. I only eat in an eight hour period. Yeah, me too, except if apples.

It's a one in a six, right? Chocolate and caramel. Car's just like a sick chocolate and caramel caramel. This is the funny thing, I break all the time dude, I'm fucking weak. I'm so glad I'm not addicted to pussy anymore because I was weak with that too, but I'm I'm in comedy on state, I'm outside, I smell, I'm like just like a fat fucker. I go like that, I walk up the street, there's a door open. I walk in, they're making fresh caramel. In a big copper vat. I go, I go, this is illegal ladies.

I go like this fucking, they just start laughing. Look at the fact guys, I'm just walking in all day. Wait, you know, you just walked in an open door, like a straight cat? It was a chocolate factor. A chocolate store. Yeah, yeah, it was a chocolate store. A chocolate store. Yeah, yeah. It was a chocolate store.

I walked in and I got a, it was a two by, it was a two by three by one carmel, no marshmallow on a stick that they dipped in the hot. That sounds amazing. It was the fucking craziest shit ever. Crazy. So if you guys like 18 year old pussy in front of me, that was just opened up and my wife was like,

go ahead buddy, you got it, you deserve it. Oh my God. I'd fucking eat that in two seconds. Or real? Yeah, for two seconds. Why would the pussy was cover with caramel? I fucking punch my wife into the washroom. That's fucking suck that car.

No, I don't know why people don't, you know, like syrup makes everything delicious. I don't know why syrup is not used in sex more. You know what I mean? I don't like sex and food. I would say. Hands on the pussy. I would never, I hate putting food on, like nine and a half weeks when they were by the fridge

and they were pouring shit all over each. That's not sanitary. Oh, it's fucking gross. It's true. Yeah, well dirt. What do you think it's chocolate sauce, it's funny. Right, it's true. Yeah, well, good. What do you think it's chocolate sauce and it's like beef stew sauce? And I'm like, hey, I mean, you lick that.

It's real salty. Oh, look at Dopey Salty. That's your beef. It's too salty on it. If it's a bad recipe, she's going to think it's her body that you're not into. Yeah, not the stew. That's it.

You guys got it eventually. I'll just keep talking until people laugh. Joe has a girlfriend, right? Yeah, but you have a girlfriend's beautiful. How's that going? Oh, good, good. Do you do sweet talker when you're about to go down on the stew as we call it?

I am not allowed to talk about that stuff. You know, nobody can talk about anything. What do you mean? I allowed to talk about that stuff. You're not allowed to talk. Nobody can talk about anything. What do you mean? I can't talk about my kids, what? Well, what do you talk about? Can you talk about it? No, because you're just asking me to get into an argument for this show and I'm getting paid in coffee.

Not worth a hundred. And that's question, how much would it cost? How much would it cost to get you in this argument? I should not have said that. I used to that I usually regret I'll give you a 50 50 bucks 50 bucks you can't find me with 50 bucks $200. I'm on come to Papa tonight I'm really making it in this 500 bucks 500 bucks right now cash no way thousand dollars $2,000 okay Everyone has a price

Take your girlfriend, know everything you do, you have tell her everywhere you're going. Yeah, pretty much. She know you're doing this. She knows I'm doing a podcast today. But she know you're, so she's not listening to the live stream then.

No, no, no, no. It is weird because you can't really say anything anymore because if you say something, then some, someone will tweet it. Like all the shit you say about me, like when Liz and Lenny were on a couple of weeks ago. Well, I say, what was that? No, everybody like tweet, everybody like, they don't, I don't have to will tweet it. Like all the shit you say about me, like when Liz and Lenny were on a couple weeks ago. Well, I say, what was that?

No, everybody like, everybody like, they don't, I don't have to look for it. They basically just take a clip, they tweet it to me. Yeah, but it's so funny though. You can't say anything, like he can't say anything about his girlfriend because then people will tweet it to her. And people don't ask for that. They didn't ask to be in any kind of public sphere.

Well, that's what I'm talking about. Well, if you say to comic, you're kind of asking for it a little bit. Now that's not true. You can keep your, it's not fair. Your square should be out of it. What is wife is fat? Is she a cop?

Is she? She's not fat. She's not fat. I'm not talking about, yeah. I'm not talking about you. I know. No, but you're a little bit asking for it. My wife has this thing all the time.

She's like, you know, blah, blah. And my point is, well, her, she listens to Howard Stern all the time. Howard Stern basically invented that. Every time she's watching a show, she's watching a fucking housewives show. She goes, it's my guilty pleasure. I'm like, there's seven of them.

So every, you know, she's like, so it's like all this reality shit that she's involved with. But then she's like, I don't want you talking about me on the show on your show But it's like sometimes you have to sometimes you have to I try to be fucking I try to walk the line But you know, it's boring like if say like I've just got a big foot my wife I'm supposed to act like Problem no I don't I don't you know I don't I don't I Still a little bit his kids. It's same thing like his wife

It hit no you don't have kids. Yeah, yeah no but his girlfriend is as as important to him as your kids wait you event you advance with you should have all change and you won't give a shit about your girlfriend it's true I mean it is true because I and then you then you have different levels of appreciation and love for things and they that's what I just said but you said it better that sounds like you you added the word appreciation and levels for things. That's what I just said, but you said it better. That sounds good. You added the word appreciation and level. That's a good stuff. I just stumbled and went,

better things. That's a good thing. If you have kids, you won't care about your... No, you can't say because all the women, you know the mics work, right? All the women in the audience will be like screaming assholes. The guys at the fucking asshole, plus all the women that go to the shows

Here the nut of them are married. They don't kids. So they're all they're all abortionist They're all like you know, you don't love your wife not as much as I love my kids I'll fucking take a bullet for my fucking son, but for my wife, you know, I don't know what I'll take About it. How much money will you give him to take a bullet for his life? $10,000. I'll do it. Really? No, I have life insurance.

That makes it $10,000. I had two hot chicks this weekend, smoking hot chicks. And it really just, that being said, I very appreciate my wife in case, two lives drink. Of course, I appreciate my wife too. Now I'm gonna say this,

two smoking hot chicks this week wanted to kind of hook up. They always put you or with each other. They always pick the wrong thing though. They always pick alcohol like you want to get a drink and I'm like I don't drink. So if they were like you want to get a meatball sub but like, you're not. It's a tricky thing.

Honey I can resist myself. Okay, I couldn't resist myself. Okay, we're in your watch, you're like, I get it, Bob. I mean, that's special sauce. I'm undoing my belt. You want to get some ramen? I want open lace. I, yeah, it was. What were they doing?

They were just being super friendly. They were together. One lady walked up. She was like, a little milfy, which is, oh God, do I love that? And where do you speak about that? I do love milfy. Like, you're a tated lady. I do like a natural, a tate.

I like a natural big tate. I like a little, when they come out of the, when I, those are real. They are. Those are not real. I swear to God, they are. Why would I lie? They don't know, I saw them like that.

I'm just actually just getting you to, I'm keeping doing that to you, pull one all go, these are real. And then I go, no, they don't know I saw I'm just actually just getting you to I'm keep doing that to you Pull when I'll go these are real and then I go no those aren't real. They really are really. Yeah, oh my god You can't you can't pull them out. Why I'm kidding. I'm trying to get it to do it I'm using double reverse psychology. I'm telling her not to do it. I will be so wrong Why am I looking at Kevin's head? What am I at pussy? I used to be like this, take him out. Come on, now I'm fucking looking at Kevin's

the side of the way. I'm not seeing you, I'm looking everywhere. He's nervous, he wants food. So wait, so what happened? What happened? So she walked up, she goes, Kimmyer, and I go, what's up? And she goes, she goes,

if you weren't married, I would fucking do you right now. I just told my husband, I wanna fucking, I would do you. I don't was like, oh my God. And I go, yeah, I love my wife. Yeah, I was able to get a bowl of shit anyway. She has a husband, you know, it's all this. That's not bullshit because I've been with girls with their husband watching from the corner.

What? Yeah. What? Whatever's on the side. What? Yeah. What? Whatever's on that. I want to listen to that one. That's actually on my channel on patreon.com slash rubber Kelly. That's it. I filmed that.

Oh, that's a fucking, that's an old fashioned cock. So he watches you fuck his wife. Then fuck sucked. She sucked me off and let me play with her big natural titties. And before you, it is before you're married, before I was married, of course, let me get the dates right. I've been to have a two, two, three, four, five, seven, two, three.

Yeah, way before I was married. And the guy was just jerking off while you're, didn't jerk off at all. You just sat in the corner and watched his wife suck my hot pack. Oh, baby's in the corner? Yeah, where he should be. I was getting married to him because I was,

he kept moving and like, I'd be like, oh God, now look at me being another spot. I was just married to because I was he kept moving and like I'd be like oh god Now look and he'd be in another spot. I was just waiting for him to kind of like red Rover red Rover Or green red like green light when you're running you freeze and he was just dick was gonna be on my shoulder But he He never stopped her No, she he she came up to me after the show. She goes, Ursus and Texas? No, no, no.

This was at the last factory, the stress factory. Wow. Wow is right. In that little green room in the back. Oh, wow, we woo, woo, yeah. Is that where it wasn't that little green room? With that table video game? That wasn't there.

That was gone. That was before he upgraded it. That was when they had a hole in the ceiling. Oh wait, there still is. Do they have a refrigerator? Do they have the free sodas in there? No, there was none of that. No, because they upgraded that to this thing.

And the guys sat there and watched in that little room. Well, I'm in the line, they're buying, I think I had my DVD just a tip just to come out. So I'm selling that shit and there's a big line and she comes up, she buys it. And then she goes into my ear. She goes, my husband, I would really like to blow you. My husband's okay with it. And I went, excuse me. She really liked this, I really like this. I go, can you just wait over in that VIP line over there? There's nobody there, I go, you're in.

I go, wait, wait in that line over there. It wasn't just a tip, it was way before that. I am. No, it was way before. You had a sell, you had still other people online, you had a sell stop too? I, yeah, of course, I'm gonna make that money. Yeah.

I mean, crazy. I'd rather have that money than a blowjob. I sold all the stuff or whatever I shook hands But and I was like hey come on back and we're in the back and he and he was like he was like you cool You cool there? I go hey dude as long as you're over there. He goes I'm just gonna be right over here And I said he went over there like in the shadows Yeah, my dick a real hard and then She got on her knees. No, oh yeah, and I sat in a chair back down That's when Vinnie only had chairs back then. I sat on a chair and she went it was actually really hot

And then we were done and she was like right see you later and they left and she's she writing her mouth and everything all over Everything now she swallowed it or on her face all over the The boobs and the face and the mouth and the things and the boot of bad horn Yeah, when I'm out and I'm able to peel Yeah, it was fucking crazy. It was crazy and in my brain. I'm like I could go bad though. I could go bad. How he killed you how I could go bad though. That could go bad. How? He killed you. How?

He did the looses. He realized that's a bad idea. You think he's getting. He thinks he's getting and then he shoots you. Okay, she's right there. I saw I died. The last thing I did was jerk off in some titties and then I'm dead and I go to heaven

because I got killed. There you would be alive. Yeah, it sounds like a very bad idea. You'd be alive. You'd be alive. Yeah, exactly. Get his dick sucked. He got murdered at the stress reactor. Yeah.

There'd be a plaque on the fuck people rubbing before you go on. I love this happens to me. I mean, Dara'll have died there, but not that one. Jesus, that's not it. My people don't like you. This is just segues, it just gets you. I'm trying to tag the story. This segues a fucking ridiculous.

I'll get a fucking thumb, I shall. I know. No, I like being a sidekick. I don't have to fucking, I'm no responsibility. Well, I try to give you Lenny and you fucking, you fucking shut it down. I'll fucking murder him. I'll fucking stop it. I'll fucking stop it.

I'll fucking stop it. Stop it. You're gonna get in trouble saying that. As he listen in. Yes. Lenny. No, everybody's lit. You're such a pussy.

It's such a pussy thing. No, no, I'm just saying it. Why don't you make fun of me to fuck, if he wants me to fuck his wife, I'll do it. Well, why don't you make fun of somebody that will beat the shit out of you? I did. Jimmy Martinez, Dante,

I'll do it. You make fun of Dante? No. Maybe not. I'm gonna make fun of Dante right now. I respect the shit out of you. Come on, say that to him about his family. No, I know, I go after whoever.

I go after whoever. I do. Listen, I watch the Ben Bailey. I go after fucking Jimmy Martini. You don't say the fuck out of you. You don't say anything about Ben Bailey. Why would you say something about Ben Bailey? I've said many things about Ben.

Why? Why? What? Yeah. I'm not gonna fucking repeat it as a list as is I'm what the fuck is wrong with Ben come on man this guy books a room he knows I love you just throw people in we just grab people and seek under the bush faggot no it're all going down together.

No, it not. You're the only one going down. I've already done my damage here. I'm not going to fucking, I'm not going to keep, you know, I got nothing. Anyways, I want to move on to this, Joe, and I hope I'm going to talk to you, sweetie, about you being a porn star. Thank you. Okay.

Now you just stand up comedy, right? Do you just do podcasting? Yes. That's it. You don't do comedy either. I thought you did stand up comedy, right? Do you just do podcasting? Yes. That's it. You don't do comedy either? I thought you did stand up. No, are you inviting me to do stand up? Not at all. Okay. I thought at the beginning she said, right, when we started the show, you were talking about, didn't you?

No, she said, she said something I hope I'm funny, but she didn't say she did stand up. Oh, oh, okay, I misread that. Okay, so now, how did you go? Where were you from first of all? Your accent is a little, I can't place it. Where were you from? I grew up in Brooklyn. You did? I did.

So you grew up in Brooklyn and then you went out to LA? No, I traveled to LA, but now I live in Jersey. No, how long did you do point four? What was your point for? About six years. Six years. And what made you get out of it? I'm still in it. You still doing it. Yeah, get the fuck you never get that It points does when they get into podcast or some other venture. It's like I'm done. I'm out

I'm gonna do stand up. I'm gonna do TV or I'm gonna She don't do it to you used to she sent my retire, right? I mean, I used to do it more than I do it now, but... You have the same agent. Clearly. Clearly. I just, I fired mine. We got a new one, though.

I was getting many bookings on the road as I am. Maggie, I understand you're not talking during this. I have a great publicist. I know, she does a great publicist. Lainey. Yes. I love Lainey. Lainey is awesome.

She's the best. But let me ask you a question. So you're still doing porn and you're doing your podcast. What is your podcast about? I go on podcast. I don't have my own podcast. I thought you had a podcast. No.

Do you not see your research? Why are you looking at me? I thought you had a podcast on gas digital. No. You don't have a podcast.'re looking at me. I saw you had a podcast on gas digital. No, you don't have a, what, why am I mis, what, so maybe you just do porn? Yes. Who does that the fuck out of you? Oh, is there a part?

There's a different one. Why are you doing porn? Stop, stop, I fucked up. I don't, let me, listen to me, mama. Oh my gosh, I didn't even, mama. I did research all week ago. You're supposed to be. I believe me, I didn't mean mama. I did research all week ago. You trust me. I believe me. I was in fucking comedy on state.

There's four towels with your name on it. Yes. And I'd use the big ones. Yes. I'll listen. You jerk off before shows? No, in the afternoon, the late at night. Yeah, in the afternoon.

I never jerk off before show, because you lose all that fucking. That's a myth. No, it's not a myth. It is not for me. I can't know. Yeah, and after a little bit. Now I never jerked off before a show, because you lose all that fucking... That's a myth. No, it's not a myth. It is not for me. I can't drop a load. I lose a step. Your load doesn't take mojo out. It's not fucking Austin Powers you.

I, one time I got a, I was dating this girl. I, she sucked my dick. I had an MC at Boston Comic Club. I, I, I, I like sucked my own dick during the show. It was, I was so bad. I had no, I had no strength. I had no fucking aggression It wasn't that it was that your brain was fucked up. What's up, Joe women we can lengths We can like like the movie said Rocky won

It's a myth they actually get it never it's a myth. They're coming back and down break It's a myth. No, they had an issue It's a myth. They did it. They did it ghostbusters are not a ghostbusters a mythbusters issue. It's a myth. They did it. They did it. Ghostbusters are not a ghostbusters. A mythbusters. They did it. Ghostbusters on your giz. They did a mythbusters. That's a myth. I just made that up too. That's a myth what I just said. But it's not real. You can actually, he's looking it up right now. You can giz as much as you want. It's not taking any fight out of you. Yeah, it is. Now, it isn't. It is. For me, it is for me. All right, then say that. It is for me. You can do that with anything. It teaches on. So, or there is a girl who is, it's not me. It's not you. I'm actually glad. Oh, thank you. I'm glad that you just

pointed it out. Are you talking about Leah? Leah, Jenin? No, it's not. Leah. I like, yeah, what's an end? Who said that? Lisa Ann. Lisa Ann. Lisa Ann. Lisa Ann. Lisa Ann. That's my fucking producer. One of my producers is my, Louie the sound and video neat. She was like this.

Lisa Ann is the, uh, I'm not sure why. Lisa Ann. In the mic, you can't. Oh, I, yeah. That was really funny when people don't talk about it. The fucking sound guy doesn't talk about the mic. Oh, my God.

What did you get that lens? Fucking NASA? The fuck is that? You interesting cocksucker. That better look good. If you get my nose hairs, yeah, okay, there you go. So I mixed the world. That's what I did.

But I watched your work. Did you like it? I'll tell you what I didn't like about it. Can we go stop there? Sure. The penis was too big in summer. Okay, for me. Okay.

For me. I just, there was one that I, the first one that comes up. Which one comes up? It was just this thing that you would do in this too. Like, it was like this. I mean, it was this. It was a lot of this. Are you like laughing inside when the dick is that big?

Because you can't laugh and suck But are you kind of laughing inside of it's that monstrous? Because it is comical at some point. It's gotta be it's gotta be like weird when you see it But it was so big that you you could not get down on it and it was like you had your hands and you're going and it was like half a day. Did I do a good job though? Half of it look like half it was in a car wash and the other half. I didn't do it yet. It was just half an hour. Yeah, I was like, one of those commercials for like this will get your car clean.

And then you have the car and the other half of the black dick was still ashy. You don't even hate it. It was, it was like, sorry Joe. You alright? I'm cool. I feel a little bad for Joe because he's such a good boy. You don't want to go on, Ryan Joe? Really, you're gonna fucking just take over?

I'm fucking looking, there was a good question. Go ahead, go ahead. Oh, do I watch pornography? Yes. I have in the past, yes. You don't? I dabble. But you don't.

I perused it every now and again. But you like, can I guess what type of porn you like you like a regular porn or maybe some Lesbo porn I Don't I think that's something that would should stay within the realm. Yeah, what do you talk about it? Space X's new Falcon Heavy Rocket that just launched on it. We got speaking about heavy rockets. Hey, SpaceX.

SpaceX is you going down on a fucking rocket. Today's you a good job. Listen, Bob, of course you did. Thank you. Stop talking about matters. Stop talking like that because my eyes get me a heartbeat and I don't need that. Did I just said you're fine though? I know, but I got to look at Joe Mackey. Stop talking like that because you give me a heartbeat and I don't need that

Said you find though. I know but I gotta look at Joe Mackie I'm literally feeling my ding ding getting back to Bob Kelly strength Having that effect though you make it go back out I make I make you lose But I like having that effect though, so it's good I'm talking you should take me on the road then but then why am I here? Because you're interesting person After it after the com shot, how was it like I do sound like a fucking yent Everyone after he comes shot. Do you go and get a cup of coffee? No, are you guys friendly and what do you do?

Shake hands. I mean we hug it out and then yeah, you hug it out and then you get a both wash off I mean, we hug it out and then yeah, you hug it out and then you get a both wash off Never exchange numbers are now Yeah, I mean you ever gave a guy you ever dated guy that you had sex with then you dated after and the industry no Me my preference know, but but how do you meet a guy look? Okay? I said meet you at a club club. You see my show You're like this guy's hilarious little chubby, but I like it, right? I don't mind fucking wait, you know making him get fully hard and so I can see what is pain is real Am I doing it now? I'm not gonna judge it right up when I first see it looks like a little mushroom I'm gonna wait like it's fully hard and then push all the chub fat back on the pubes and then

Tie a rope to his balls and pull that back So the ball stretch up so you can see my full dip. I'm having to pay. No, it's not paying for you. It's just so you can see the full potential of my talk without any chub around it. Why? Because you've seen my videos, so you're just like, it needs to.

Listen to me. I've seen a few of your videos. Well, listen to me. So now, I meet you at a club and we're hanging out with Tonk and you seem like I mean you cool You got a good sense of humor You're not too bad either you can talk right and all that and we're chewing and then you go I'm a porn star Right and then I go oh shit like in my brain. It's like

How does it how would you expect a guy? How would you what do you how do you want a guy to deal with that? Well, I'm always a hundred percent with the guy. If I'm into you, then I'm 100% honest with you because I give you the option of either sticking it out and getting to know me for me. Sticking what out? How can we be? Let me rephrase that. Okay.

Getting to know me. Okay, great. We're walking away. Okay, so you say to me, I go, hey, what's up, we talking about that. So what do you do? I'm a porn star. Like, whoa, shit.

What kind of guys? Some guys walk away from that? We're doing a fucking act out. Can you let me get in the act out? You want to be a friend? You come in, cockplock be in the middle and take her away. He's not a good wing man.

I'm gonna pull a Todd Barry cockplock. Hey, how are you? He's not a good wing man. You'm gonna pull a Todd Barry cock blocker. Hey, how are you? He's not a good wing man. You know, he doesn't, terrible. He doesn't know how to spell. You know that? Anyways. So, listen, so, is your opponent, so what kind of opponent do you do?

Like what is your thing? I'm in the milk category. Are you milk? Yeah, but I have no kids. You have no kids, but you have a milk really Yeah, wow, that's crazy. Now do you mind a like a like a like a small penis? As long as you know how to work it. No really. That's what they all say they all say they don't have a boyfriend They all like a small penis

Shit Every stripper you talk to like you got a boyfriend now and in some fucking guy some kind of black car picks a Probably got three boyfriends got a couple in Russia, you know Don't say that now someone's gonna fight it a fucking Russia and we're not gonna get out. No kidding listen to me It is no I met a girl one time. Can I can I is gonna invite a fucking Russia and we're not gonna get out of getting listen to me. Yeah, it is. No, I met a girl one time. Can I can I I'm not a shipper.

I met a girl one time. Yeah, she was she I met her at a club and and we it was in Cincinnati. I did a show. Yeah, she was like, she goes, I come here a lot. You I never seen you here before. I go, yeah, I was a comedian at the show. All the people from the show that worked there.

They go to this after-herspace on Sunday. Anyway, so I go, yeah, what do a comedian at the show. All the people from the show that worked there, they go to this after-hours place on Sunday. Anyway, so I go, yeah, what do you do? She's pretty good looking. What do you do? Oh, I'm a stripper and I'm moving it to porn. And I'm like, and in my brain, I'm like, if you blow this, you're the biggest choke of all time. She came up to me, she's telling me she's a stripper,

and she's transitioning it to porn. And and of course long story short of course she didn't fuck me of course I don't know what I did but of course I fuck and had somebody sent me a clip of her doing a DP with a black guy in a Puerto Rican yeah so she'll fuck anybody but me but I did choke I was like it was like when I first started killing on standup, I would be killing, I'd be like, don't blow it. Don't lose the crowd. And of course I lost the crowd.

Listen, I was in Kansas City and I had a porn star hanging out before the show Saturday night, before the show. And I would talk about eating ass and I like my ass eating and she was like, I'll fucking eat your ass tonight. I go, you will, she goes, absolutely. I'll meet you after the show. I go, I'm at this hotel, she goes, I'll meet you there. I gotta do this, this and that. I'll be there after, I'll fucking eat your ass tonight. I go, you will. She goes, absolutely. I'll meet you after the show. I go, I'm at this hotel. She goes, I'll meet you there.

I gotta do this, this and that. I'll be there after. I'll meet you there. I think it was 12.31 o'clock. I go, awesome. Do the two shows. Go back right to the hotel. I literally go on the shower, wash my ass.

And I go, I have a whole time here on stage you're thinking about getting your ass eaten. You can't have a concentrate. I just lying in the bed, A.C. on with my ass towards the A.C. just to keep it nice and fresh. Jainty. I fall asleep, I wake up, my ass a little hot again. I keep going up, washing my ass.

She never shows. Of course. I fell asleep with a wet towel between my ass. Of course, they just talk. No offense. I mean, I like to think I'm one of a kind and different Yeah, but everybody does well, I listen to mackeys one of a kind. He won't even talk about the portee watches. That's one of a kind Well, I think you gotta look at the bright side. What's the bright side you clean your butt?

Even as mom was like Bobby clean his butt You have to understand the funny. Kevin's story, he sat through my story, he sat through all of it, and he fucking had one in the chamber ready to go. God bless you. That was great, you're right. I had a fucking crystal clean asshole

when I was home that day. People were eating off at the asshole. Oh, it was beautiful back then. So she never showed. Never showed, never saw again. And it's made me so sad because I was like, fuck. Yeah, finally. What the fuck?

How do I, how does that not happen? We made an agreement. Yeah. They were duplicitous. You show cans and everything. Yeah, we did, basically. It's an oral contract. It is an oral contract. They're duplicitous. Yeah, we did. Basically, it's an oral contract. It is an oral contract.

They're duplicitous. There's these women. What's that? They're not the night. They're fucking the evening. The night? They talk out of both sides of their mouth. They say a lot of things to a lot of people.

That's their job. It's like comics. We talk a lot of shit. And who knows what we're really thinking. Now let me ask you a question though, because porn, it blows me away that porn is free now, basically. It blows me away that porn is free, so. It's fucking, how are they?

Now, you're just straight definitely a change. Can I say that I think that what's gonna make it better is cams, right? And what's the other, the, with the goggles, what's that, VR, VR porn is gonna save porn and make you money, because if I can go to you and go look, let's go to this VR room, we fuck and suck, and whatever, with my VR, and then I can take that video home

and have that of me and you banging, and I pay you $1,000 for that, is that good? I mean, $1,000 out of $2,000? How much? $2,000? $3,000. $5,000, how much is are gonna cause you to do this? I'm trying to get them a joke That she's a hooker. No, that's not a hooker. That's not a hooker. Actually. No, that's not a hooker. That's not a hooker You have to fucking hey, we stop settle down. They're pointing at me with that witch finger

Pointing at me with that witch finger Fucking wait, do you have the fuck him or not? Yeah, if you have the fuck him from on your own But you're not gonna do that Listen, put that your scar on me You're scar on me, you're a porn star If you have fucking me, you're a porn star Then there's a difference Yeah

I feel sorry for porn stars I jerk off less than I used to because Next time you point that finger at me, go thinner I feel sorry for the porn stars that they have to work for free. I think it's in your name. No porn star works for free. No, I'm saying the porn is free, so they're working for free. No, we still get paid.

They get, no, here's the deal though. They get paid when they film it. What happens is they don't get paid on the selling of the video. We don't get the residuals, right? The video, you don't get the backend. We'll get the backend. We don't get the residuals, right? The video, you don't get the backend. We'll get the backend. We'll get the backend.

I can't think of anything. No, no, no. Ha, ha, ha. You know, if I could bring it, you know, the head of it, by not saying something, he said it. But it's all pirated is what you're getting at, right? Yeah. But they only pirate the clip.

So they try, and now, but the trip, you turn that right. You have red now, but I mean, I'm not right. You read to you, uh, poor and hot, clitty clitty.com. I don't know that one, but you thought there was a clitty clitty.com. It's a clitty.

Just clitty. I did stuff. Clitty clitty. It's clitty. Clitty.com. You go there and it's all these categories. It's everything and it's only the little clip that you kind of need.

It's not like I like the, I like the story, I like the lead, I do. I like the lead. The narrative? Because you're getting old. I'm a romantic. I've liked it the whole time. Oh, that's so cute. I like, I like, hey, how you doing?

I hate, hate when the story's not there. I hate when it just goes, hi, how you doing? I don't like the joke. You do that really well. I, you wanna see me doing a fucking. I love feedafuck. I don't like it. You do that really well. You want to see me doing a fucking... I'd love for you to fuck you. I don't like the jump cuts when we were talking, all of a sudden, she sucked me with dick.

Yeah, that's what I just said. You said it better again, the jump cuts. You fucking punching up me? Yeah, it's... I like the story. I like... Maybe on the back of the day, you'd have to, hey, and the almond come over, and the fuckin', and then you'd talk about it.

I like to pretend like the pretension's not gonna fuck them. Yes! Like in real life. I love that. Right, and then. Do you know, the hunt comes over. We're just gonna let that go. Well, the hunt.

You know, I'm not real on. Well, beyond, you know, not real aunts, mother, you know, you're the step aunt. Well, there was one that I watched where he went over his mother's friends house and there was two of his mother's friends there. And they were talking to the mother about him and he actually went over there to drop something off

and they're like, get in here. And they were Milf's I love a nice saggy Milf tit how many times you're gonna say it until she chose me or boobs Talking about Gabby I am kid You have 12 year old boy boobs No, I don't have five 16 year old girl boys. It's got milk. Yeah, I have nice titties No, I don't. I have five, 16 year old girl boys. It's got a mouthpiece. Yeah, I have nice titties.

Yeah, and they came over and they will get in here and they just fucking ravish this little fucking rascal. Oh, it's crazy. Just don't tell your mom and he was like, hmm, I'm secret to say. Why would they even have to say that? What, don't tell your mom. Because that makes you, that's the turn on. Yeah. That's the turn on. Why would he, why would they even have to say that what don't tell you don't tell your mom because that makes you

That's the turn on yeah, that's the turn on why would he yeah, I can't Conversation though dickhead you can't have subtext. What is he fucking mem it? Okay, it's a fucking porn hey, we're my friends here earlier Yeah, and you're not gonna believe what happened Mom, I just don't see that conversation happening. Yeah, that's why it's called porn. Yeah, there you go. If we have to suspend this belief, I got a chocolate for you. You're such a sweet boy. I feel like I'm corrupting him. Oh, no, no, I hang out. These scoundrels all the time.

interrupting him. Oh no, I hang out with these scoundrels all the time. But that's all we should all do. We should all do. You're scoundrels. The money looks for his virginity, how old he was. I think he just did and then she helped you. Huh, what? Can you talk about that?

I would prefer. The dicklock like you told about it. I would prefer not to. How old are you? I'm 38. No, how old were you when you lost it? You're 38. Yeah, I'm 38. You look amazing. I you when you lost it? You're 38? Yeah, I'm 38.

You look amazing. I like, thank you so much. I like this line of questioning way better. I was, I was 10. Are you serious? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I was 10 with a chicken of bush.

I was 15. Yeah. You were 10? Yeah. A friend of your moms? No, it was this girl, tawny. She was a malato chick that just moved to the neighborhood that I found love with.

See, welcome to our team. She was 14. See, welcome to our team. What the fuck? She welcomed me and she sucked you off her fucktube. She did both. How did you know how you know how to fuck it? I had Dickie and Scott in the bushes telling me

to pump how to do it. And I was pumping. Are they both comics now, too? No, no, they're not. It sounded like an improv it. And I was pumping. Are they both comics down to? Did you get Scott? No, they're not. It's not like an improv team. Did you get Scott? Yeah, they work main, the main circuit.

Bob Monde. I'm Scott. I remember that I had my Dunlop, I've told the story before, I remember the windbreakers. Remember Dunlop windbreakers? I got a little poncho. Yeah.

I put that down on the ground and she was like, you don't want to do that. And I'm like, why? She goes, I'm a spitter. And I go, what's that? the ground and she was like, you don't want to do that. And I'm like, why? She goes, I'm a spitter. And I go, what's that? She goes, I spit out, you don't want to do that. And I was like, and I don't worry about it. And then she spit out all the come onto my Dunlop Wind Jail.

That's just roots a spitter. I didn't understand. I was 10. I'm just saying it now. It was rude. It was rude. It was disgusting. I had to wash it in a lake.

And then the, and the mystic rivers, and I had to wash it and I put it in. It got sucked away and I was crying because my mom was so mad that I got my thing. Yeah, it was actually, I mean, if you think about it, it's thick river. You told you your mom, they lost it?

She was like, where's your jacket? Back then, it wasn't like kids now who get a fucking million things and they don't even give a fuck about a jacket. Back then, you got a jacket every once in a while and that was a cool one and she was like where's your windbreaker and I was like I couldn't tell her I was like you know I don't know I got my dick sucked Bob I got this chicks pussy spooked on my jacket Oh, I'm so funny. I can't read, I can't read. I can't read.

You know what, it's so funny when I think about it now though, it was, that's like a abuse. What? It's a abuse. How's it abuse? You shouldn't fuck with a 10. That's insane. You shouldn't have sex with a 10.

I think that's for a boy, it's good for a girl. How old were you? I'll say after Joseph's, I'm a, I'm a I'm a how will you I was old? You first what happened I would come too quick so I could never fucking consummate it. Are you kidding me? Yeah, I could know I was I had a girlfriend like and I was like 18 and and we were breaking up And she was 16 and every and I she knew I to just fuck her so I could say I fucked her. You know? Yeah, yeah.

Because she was my real girlfriend for a while and I know people be like, did you ever fuck her? I'd be like, I want to say, yeah, I fucked her. That's right, I fucked her. But then by then I was so stressed because I knew she kind of didn't want to. So I kept trying to fucking put in, I kept coming too quick and I was just... She never had sex. Until this day. I was just, so you never had sex. So, to this day, I just, I was making out with a girl.

I was making out with a girl that I, I didn't have any game. Put that finger down. I was kidding out with a girl. I was making out with a girl that I didn't even like. We both had our pants on and I just came in my pants. Really? I didn't even like her.

That's so cute. You get the, I didn't even my fucking pants. Pop that, Mackie. You had the, you got the, you got the, you got the, you got the, my fucking pen. Pop that, Mackie. You had to wash him in a lake. You got the, you got the, you got the, Mr. Grimmer. Mackie, when was the first time that you made love to a woman?

I can't, I just don't like to talk about my personal life if I can avoid it. That's good, I'm glad you're opening up. But you can't avoid it. Thank you for opening up. How much will a costume avoid a lot? How much will a costume, you know what we of a caution? No one's gonna hear this. There's all those viewers on page.

Patreon. It's my channel. It's Robert Kelly's channel. It's my Robert Kelly channel. We'll take it out. Is that a news? Is it a new social media thing? Well, Patreon and Kevin has one, to bring Kevin's up real quick.

What you do, Kevin has a Patreon page. I have a channel. It looks like, it looks very similar to Twitter. Mine's a channel. You get a channel. Mine's a channel. Okay. Like if you scroll down on mine, look, scroll down.

There's like a ton of stuff on mine. I have a TV show, I have another show I did called the U-Haul show where I rent a U-Haul and I drive around and I do a talk show out of the U-Haul. I have bands on it, comics. Already? Dan Soto, we pulled up in front of Duncan Donuts. Dan got out, did 50 minutes set in front of a crowd that formed, and then we did a talk show

with him in the back. With Kraut on your Patreon? It's all of it, it's right here right now. I have a bunch of one-on-ones. You had all set up before you set up the page. One on ones, so one on one jack leery. We got one on one with Paul Versey. We got one on one with, there's another one too,

there's the other one with Colin. Colin, no, no, Vos, which Vos. I got no content on my page. So you good. I'm glad that's why mine's a channel. And his is a Patreon page. My supporters are very, very generous. So, we're gonna do it.

We're gonna definitely put content, but they're already, they've been donating this whole time for the last two years. Let me ask you a question though. Why don't you, because you're always bitching about, let me do more shows, let me do more shows. If you did more shows, you'd have more Patreon members. Therefore, you would get paid more money.

Do you think that would happen? No, I know, but I'm busy because I do two podcasts, Bernie Bridges and Mizorlow's company, and then Bernie Bridges more like a hybrid show. Anyway, so I've got something for you. I'm doing two shows, and then so to do extra content is not that easy. Plus, I think at some point I will run out of things to say,

and then I'm just like money. Yeah. No, then what is the extra content? Just be sitting there looking at Joe Mackey. And we have like a sterile to see who says who got laid first. Do it. Wait, I'll give the, I'll say the girls name. Can you say the girls name? All right, here we go.

Why? Georgie Beckett. What's your girls name? Come on. Give us your first name. Give us something. Something. Well, she talked about sucking black cock. I talked about getting raped in a bush.

Wraped. That was right. Wow, I think so. Why you're real cocked to revisionist history and to rape. You should, I love the way. The news, the news, the news, now when nobody says faggot anymore. They say cock right? So you're a cock yeah, cuz I'm gonna say it who's gonna come out go don't call me a cut don't don't cuz cuck's don't get a

Fanny cuz you can't say you're a cock the call something a faggot gate people get man who's gonna get man when you say they're cock cuz They're only a cockwood so the basely outing themselves. You don't I mean? Is that make any sense? Yeah, yeah, you You make great sense. So, to be, to lose your virginity, I can't. I can't hand away. I can't stand it. To lose your virginity, I tend to be amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing.

Well, you know what, can I say? I was almost 21. I was 20. It's ridiculous. I know, and I was so drunk. I had so much. I was so drunk. I've got, I was the only reason I didn't come quick,

I think, because I got so drunk. I puked. I puked. I was making out with so drunk. So I've got, I was the only reason I didn't come quick, I think, because I got so drunk, I puked. I puked. I was making out with her. I puked. I puked her bath and she hurt. I came back, I started kissing her. She goes,

Oh, she kissed you after you puked. She goes, Did you just puked? I go, yeah, she still fucked me. It was in the cards. But I was 20, I wish I would have one, I was 10. I agree with you that 20's way too late in the puck, but it's too late.

But here's the thing, 10 is too early. It's too early. 15 good. What are you saying? You can't rape a man. I was joking, yeah, so 15, no, 15's good. I mean, 15 for a high-lady. To get sexier.

15 is good. Yeah, and I had an older girl, which is a little better. It wasn't like me, it was two 10-year-olds messing around. Yeah, that's sick. Yeah, that's a an older girl, which is a little better. It wasn't like we were two 10 year olds messing around. That's sick. Yeah, that's a little, I mean, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was,

I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I going on. 10, I don't think I had anything. It's just a raw. I see that, but that's the look now. I think it's a little too young. And I also think that to have sex, and I wish I could have waited so that sex wasn't such a, addiction later in life for me. When I,

Is that an addiction now for you? It was back in the day. It was, because I quit drinking in drugs at 15, and I kind of went to sex after that. And you were good looking too, right? That was real good looking. So I went to sex. And then, that's the first thing I really laughed at all day.

I got a big laugh out of that. And then I went later in life when I had to shut it all down, because I got married, I went to food. And it's, you know, I'm just waiting to go to something else. I wish I could have went to like, you know, whittling or something. Whistling. Yeah.

Should we come up with master whistling? I'm just a fucking master fatso right now. So I might have a black belt and fucking fatness. Whistling. But, yeah, I wish I waited a little bit. I wish I didn't go crazy with it. Because we would talk sex different though now. I mean, you're not teaching your kid the same thing. You were taught or not taught. We would not taught about sex. I'm I'm gonna teach my kid about sex

and what to do. Yeah, my dad didn't teach me anything. He had 10 kids taught me nothing. Nothing. I had no dad. I never heard anything either. I never heard my dad even grown. Like I never heard, I never, I never, I don't know when they fucked. It's weird, but I think they did quietly. Like, you know what I mean? The in this in bed and no noise. Yeah, like I understand why you're being, look, it's a podcast, you don't have to talk about it,

but I think being open about sex and being okay with it is a positive, it's not. A negative is to make sex this hidden thing and you shouldn't, you know, it's the same thing. Religious, so whatever it is, I think that fucks people up. Right, I don't think I even knew,

I was aware that sex was a thing when I was 10. Yeah. But I did not know. Why did you first learn about sex? I think, I mean, other than, I knew that there was a thing, but I didn't know exactly how it worked really until I was maybe 11 or 12 right But then what did you but you did you see it in a magazine?

Oh, did you was it a movie it was the point where so many of my other friends knew what it was about that I I asked my parents And what did they say what did they say? Oh, they gave me the whole talk like what like the bird Yeah, that bird was a corny. was it real? They both told you? Uh, I went for a walk with my dad and he told me all of that. Let's go for a walk. Yeah, right? And put this done up on. This winter breaker.

This is a part of it. I would get made fun of because I didn't know what they meant when they said words. Yeah. What kind of words? I'm by your parents. Cock. Like, screwed or hooker. I didn't know. Right. Even blow job Like screwed or hooker, I didn't know.

Right. I even blow job to me now is like, it makes no sense. No one's blowing. Cause I remember like, you wanna suck my dick, you wanna, people, guys were saying to me, hey Brennan, you wanna blow me? And I'd be like, I didn't even know what that meant. You're like, guys?

Guys? No, like, it's like, we went to football practice and the older football players would be like, hey Brennan, why don't you blow me? Right. And I'd be like, all right. That was like, it didn't sound like anything sexual. I'd be like, maybe I'd blow on the guy.

So someone says that to you now, you would just say, okay. I said, all right. The pants of Redstone, you know what I'm saying, Elaine? You know what the fucking street talk you get out of. I like it. I thought you said 20 years old. No, but some of it makes no sense. I can't imagine, I can't imagine

grabbing my dad go like dad. Let's go outside. Well, he didn't do that. His dad has said, let me go talk to you. Let's take a walk. And let me go talk to you. I would imagine that I would have that conversation with my kid.

Well, it's like, let's go talk about this. Take a walk. You don't want to do it front of your mom. Are you an only child? No, I have, I have small to brothers, three older brothers. They never taught you anything. They never sat you down with you and said, look, you ever see?

No, I mean, we are devout. I mean, like you. I don't have to be still, I'm not judging anybody or telling anyone else how to live their life. It's just that I choose to do it a little bit differently. And I'm not, I mean, I just want, it's two. It's like, I thought when I did stand up, I was going to keep, I don't like any of that. I don't like knowing any of that stuff about anybody. I don't, I don't want to know who this celebrity is dating and I don't, I don't care about their private life. So why can't

I keep my private life, my private life? And if I wanted to joke about something, if I want to talk about something, I will. But you know, can I say something, when you start talking like this, you turn into a middle-aged lesbian. Did you know that? No, I'm kidding. People think that before I start talking. No, you know what? You're actually right.

I think you're right. I thought that, I thought that. Now listen, dude. And your hair looks like, no, it is a little ironic that you have a porn star. And then this guy, he's the val Catholic. I thought she was retired and I didn't know he was a to val Catholic.

I did not know that. But I think it's a great twist of fate. I think it's great that you, you don't seem like a fucking weirdo. You don't seem like you're on drugs. I have not. I'm not on drugs. You seem very sweet and all together.

And how about me? What do I seem? You're a lunatic. But you, I mean, Joe, I respect that I too. Look, I'm Irish Catholic too too I grew up with that but I wasn't taught like my mother my mother had my system was yours 15 and me when she was 18 in an Irish Catholic house with 13. Wow. Well back then you had to go away right you couldn't stay in the house you had to go to some nunnery thing and she went to the message She went to the mystic river that's what she had my sister

She's back on a jacket Sexual activities were done at the river Like a whole like an old fucking Ben Affleck movie. Hey, let's go to the river and fuck where So I feel bad all the mark no I was joke No, I feel bad. No, I feel like there's like a thing because I feel like even I He's not the mouth cat at the second he's not the mouth cat He's not the mouth cat because he's having sex with his girlfriend

So if he's having sex with his girlfriend, he's not the mouth Catholic and that's the end of the story. That's not true No, it's absolutely true. I know you're saying you know I was raised Catholic. I understand I was too I'm pretty man sex masturbation. It's all but he never said about Catholic, but he never said he was having sex with his wife his girlfriend He never said that but he's 38. He's not a virgin. He never said that he had sex with his girlfriend though He could be waiting. I think like most Connector are you waiting also like I Don't think I don't think like this idea that you can't be a devout Catholic and also sin sometimes. No, you can.

How old are you sinning? I wakely. I sin every day. Every day. How many of our fathers and hermers do you have to do? It really depends on the priest you get. Most of the time. I think I've gotten a few rosaries.

Wow. A whole fucking rosary? Yeah. What'd you do? Fucking suck a guy's dick? No, I wish you had a few rosaries. Wow. That's a lie. Oh, fucking rosary. Yeah. Why'd you do fucking suck a guy's dick? No, I went to a 30. At the port of 30. I went to confession and he asked what, you know, one of these first.

He was like, blow me and the first thing was five rosaries you fucking did. Yeah, he went to, you got a second dick that he goes there. Hey, you got to do a bunch of rosaries. That was your second white football team. No, but like, no, I, they, one of the first things you do in confession is say, say, how long it's been since your last confession and it had been over a year.

Yeah. So I think that's why I got the extra penalty. Wow, I'd fuck. But no, you can be a devout Catholic. Like, it's just supposed to forgive people. That's what gets lost through religion. No. You're not supposed to judge people and you're supposed to forgive people So same thing, but if you're in a if you're in a you a Jew I am get out

Real if you're about cat you're a Catholic premarital sex if you're the Balkatholic premarital sex is a sin And if you're if you're if you're saying oh, I can sin over because I go to confession That's still not that's not about Catholic. It's it's premarital sex is a sin. And if you're, if you're, if you're saying, oh, I can sin over and over because I go to confession, that's still not, that's not the about Catholic. It's, it's pre-mortal sex is a sin. So if you're, if, if you keep doing it as a pattern, it's not, you're not the about Catholic. No, fans, it's just, it just, it lets things have changed. You're not the about Catholic. If you have, if you have your girlfriend and you're having sex, even if you go to confession, you're not the about

Catholic. Well, I think he, I think if you, he can, you're not devout Catholic. Well, I think he can, I think he can, listen, I think that Catholicism has adjusted over the years. I think you can send in Catholicism and ask for forgiveness. You can send in anything, but I'm saying of you, have you asked if you want to wild fuck somebody and you go to confession, but if you're in a sexual relationship,

it's not a devout guy. I mean, look, a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not a... it's not to cover up the fucking all their sins that they have so it's just you know It's it's a it's you know, and then you can be like well then you're sinning. It's just it's all bullshit But I feel like I should say that anyway. I want to say something Because people use it as a crotch and then they use it like well, I'm I sinned Jesus everybody sins I'm a sinner when they when they fuck up, you know But if they fuck up the same fuck up, then it's not sitting then It's like then it's something more than that. No, I think you make a good point like you should be trying to work on yourself and get better and not sin I agree you're not supposed to keep making the same mistakes over no you're supposed to be working for a definition of insanity

making the same mistakes over and over and expect And talking about on a podcast But you're putting words into my mouth that I never said the same mistakes over and over and expect to get themselves. And talking about how to podcast. Yeah. But you're putting words into my mouth that I never said. I know. Well, he's not putting anything in his mouth because he's not getting into that part of his life. What do you mean he's putting things in your mouth?

What is he saying that it's not right? I never claimed that I did things with my girlfriend over and over and over. Bam. Okay, then I'm saying, but if you do, I'm not saying you do, I'm saying if you do, and you're not going to talk about, that's fine. I respect that, but I'm saying like but if you do, I'm not saying you do, but I'm saying if you do. And you're not gonna talk about that's fine. I respect that, but I'm saying like, if people are listening who are devout Catholics

and they have the same sense, if you live with your girlfriend and you're fucking regularly, you're not devout Catholic, and of story. I'm not saying, being a Catholic, I'm not saying it without Catholic, if you make any sense, I'm saying, but you're not devout Catholic.

Pointed me again, I'm gonna bite your finger. Listen, if you, but I think Catholics, this is a weird, I know a devout Catholic girl wants, and she didn't have sex intercourse, but she did it in the butt. And there was nothing wrong with that. Yeah it is. Yeah there is, it's still sex. It's sex.

But what kind, have you done it in the butt? Have you not watched my videos? Yeah, that's one of the who's saying. No, my parents. My parents. People asked my, we might as well just fucks. People asked, no, people asked me. I'm ready.

No, people asked me, people asked me. Why did you come to take care of her? People asked me, why my parents have 10 kids? Because where we grew up? Everybody had big family. So if they would have stopped Irish Catholic. Yeah, no if they would have stopped at five or six and my mom Will still I finish that's why you had a big family. You have to let me finish. I'm saying if my parents if my parents had stopped at five kids Where you going? No, I just taking my headphones off I don't know if my parents if my parents have stopped at five kids.

They would have known that they were not, that they were using birth control and they were no longer deviled Catholics. So that's part of the reason that people kept having kids. It's because you even know, you gotta know it made no sense. You had a lot of kids because as many times as you fucked, if you had a kid, you had to keep it.

That's why. Also, that's why I was kept. That's why I was kept. You couldn't use birth control. And if you had a kid, you had to keep it. That's why. Also, that's why Irish can't stop. You couldn't use birth control. And if you had a child, I was saying, and my mom was 35 when she stopped having kids, then obviously they're not dirty. They would just stop fucking. And that's why people separated beds too.

My grandmother slept in a separate bed. Listen, here's the deal. You bang, she gets pregnant, you keep it. Irish Catholic, that's the rule. That's why my grandmother had eight kids, nine, one of them passed away, one died in a baby. But that's why people had big families. Now you can have one kid and bang and just not have it.

And it's not a big deal. And I think, you know, look, your religion is your religion. Whatever you want to do, Joe, you do. Right, respect you. I think it's great. I still think you're interesting. I think you're funny, you know, the weirdo. And I think it's a test I still think you're interesting. I think you're funny, you're not a weirdo. And I think it's a test to you that you are the way you are

and you're still funny and you did this business in your way without opening up because vulnerable Kevin's is vulnerable as you can get on stage. He talks about everything in his life and sometimes actually fucks him over because he's so honest. I talk about shit like that too. And for you to write jokes and not get too personal

and but to be that funny, the stuff that you're talking about isn't talking about your dick or banging chicks or your chick sucks or blah, blah, blah. I think that's good. Well yeah, plus it's like, I don't wanna get into an argument because like she doesn't want me to talk about it. So I gotta respect that, you know? I mean, you gotta, I mean, look, my wife has told me not to talk about two things

and I did both of them. What are they? One was how we met. I'll tell you, I don't care. I don't care about that. No, my wife is basically threatened me. If I mention certain things, she basically, we're done. You know, and the line keeps moving and it's like, I, I understand

what she's saying, but like I also understand like my point earlier was like, she's into reality shows and people are in general and like, well she's like, she's watching it. She doesn't want to be part of that. No, but I'm saying it's like, it's like you watching a lot of porn and then you're going like, oh, I don't want, it's like, it's a double standard to me. It's a double standard because it's like, if you're, if you're into that, oh, I don't want, it's like, it's a double standard to me, it's a double standard. Because it's like, if you're into that, like I'm not into, if you're into it, you're into it. So you can't say like, oh, my husband can't talk about

his life at all. Plus in a podcast, you need shit to talk about. Why do you turn into a fucking yenta? You need shit to talk about what the fuck happened to you? At the end of your I was now it's working Now yeah, cuz you have to I forget that's all I could have just one successful one if you just kept your most shut Right right you're doing fantastic patreon right there his patreon is amazing

Have any that's my so. Oh, damn, boy. That's my channel. It was checking a book. Let's go to Kevin Sparrow. We're on my blizzard. Listen, listen. Listen, I wanna ask you a question. Sure, that's the way.

I worry you religious at all. No, no, no, that's not what I'm asking. Don't listen to him. I mean, you're gonna, because you might worry about this too. I don't know, maybe you don't, because you don't give a fuck about a lot of things, but later in life, the things you said

or the things you've done on podcasts or whatever, comedy wise, it's out there forever for us. So Joe, you're not gonna have to worry about it because you were framed, but me and you have said, Kevin, you have done stuff and said stuff that we're gonna be like,

oh shit, your kid's gonna hear someday, and he's gonna go, dude, what was this? Are you worried about, do you wanna have kids in a family? And if you do, I do wanna have kids in a family. Why, what's the story? Because your point is so ridiculous because I already had this discussed with my wife.

By the time my kids even give a shit about my podcast, I'll have 800 hours of fucking podcasting They're not gonna go through it like fucking like a Quincy I want to get people to react to Quincy I don't you would say like fucking Quincy Whole references Quincy anyway, so they're not gonna find what my wife said you you talk shit about I go I talked to him like in individual episodes They're never gonna find it. Porns different porn. They can fucking find porn. No, they'll find it They'll find stuff that you said No, they'll be too hard to find because later in life like fans of yours

They're gonna find your thing and be like I love this and listen and listen all of something gonna hear you saying something And like what the fuck? My dad's a loud asshole. They want you to have the fuck. I just said the reassholes. I said the reassholes. Your kids? Yeah, once.

But I love my kids. Like I just said I was having a bad day. It was in the summer. I was having a bad time with them. Don't, don't, don't worry about that. What are you gonna say to your kids when they're 11? And I'm not trying to be a dickhead. I'm just saying, what, 11, 11 year old, and then, you know, and they, I mean, it was the choices that I had

to make in order to like survive and everything, but I'm not ashamed of what I do right or anything. Right. So you know, porn stars with kids. Yes, I do. And other kids, okay, the kids are fine. Are they fine with the sex? The kids are fine. But are they fine? Do they know that it's out there? How do they have to keep their kids away from the internet and YouTube? And do the other kids? You can't keep your kids away from the internet.

Do the other kids hang on to everything. I love the Euryzny Hano. They keep fucking so happy that finger scares the shit out of me. Like, no, his, yours is awesome. I love Frank Panker. I think you're gonna put it right in my bum. Listen, I'm kidding.

My penis is so disappointing. You'd go like this. Where? Marity is leave. Just like the one that did Kevin back in the day. I can't see you. I won't, but. Oh my God.

Listen to me. My God. Can't be saved me. I can't be saved. Calm down. Calm down. Listen, do they, do they have, may get made fun fun of have you heard any stories about other

Point stars kids getting fucked with because of what their parents do I don't know how I would deal with it when the time comes that's When that's when I would deal with it. Yes, here's the problem Here's the problem and I'm not even making it up what happens is the other parents find out and then they have a problem with the people. I mean, they're gonna judge you no matter what. No, but they're gonna say, they're gonna keep the kids. It's just what happened. The parents are gonna keep the kids away from her kids. If you move into parents or fucking cons, especially moms who have kids, moms who have kids are the have the least

The least open to anything because they want the kids to be like or gate organic They don't want them to have any exposure to anything. I mean anything naked I'm just saying mill I say moms who have kids. I'm just known from kind of stand-up comedy I'm not talking about my wife or Bobby's like anybody's wife I'm talking about the women who have kids. they're fucking miserable people, and they want their kids, they don't want their kids exposed to anything. So when they find out they used to do porn, it's gonna be a problem. And I'm gonna leave.

No, I'm just kidding. I don't wanna, I feel like I'm, Joe went like this. No, I feel like I'm a white, I feel like I'm a white blanket, but that's what happens. I read a lot, I don't watch a lot of podcasts, I read a lot, so that's what happens to people do porn. And I don't watch a lot of podcasts. I read a lot. So that's what happens to people who do porn.

And I watch the thing on Netflix about porn stars after they do porn. After porn. I saw that, actually. Yeah, but I mean, look, here's the, if you move, if you move next to me, if you move next to me and I found out that you, and I'm not that jerked off, I'm talking about the mom.

I'm talking about you. I'm talking about the mom. I'm talking to her. Shut up. He is a mom. I'm talking, listen, if you move next to mom. I'm talking to her. Shut up. He is a mom. I'm talking. Listen, if you move next to me, and I found out you were a porn star, and I was masturbating to you, that would be hard to deal with.

If you live next to me, and I would be hard to deal with just, I would accept you, of course, I wouldn't give a shit about that. Your kids can play with my kids. But there's going to be a point where Max is going to come. He'd be like, hey dad, can I ask you something? And he's gonna go play and you're gonna be like, you know, doing I'm like, yeah. That's the name for. That's the name. She's good son.

She's good. Listen, I want you to pay attention. I'm sorry to give you the equipment. It is what I'm sorry to give you the equipment that man has, but work with what you got. Once you're gonna have that talk right then. I just want to let you know she's, she helped me with, she helped me with my small piece. I'm sure she can help you.

She made a deal with me back around 15 years ago. What's done is done. So if you want to have a family, you can't, you can't undo it. So you're just gonna have to, I mean, there's no, I'm saying the internet's a bitch. The internet's a bitch. You can't hide. The internet's a bitch, no matter what industry. You can't I know matter what industry? Yeah, so it doesn't really matter Yeah, you could be a financial guy and still like have so much dirt on you that

Like just by face no, I'm not saying I'm saying you do a podcast. Yeah, I'm sure you do a podcast like today I'm sure someone's making fun of all of us right now. It's called my chat room Listen, I'm on your side. I'm saying moms with kids are miserable people and and they they don't they have no They have no sense of humor and they would have they're gonna have a problem and you're hot too So they're gonna have a problem because they're gonna be all fucking a Milky milky milks big fucking saggy fucking tits and big arms and fucking doughy legs. It's okay I like the iteration Milky milks Milk they're just gonna big big cows and they're gonna resent you they're gonna resent you anyway

And they're gonna find out you did a little acting back in the day. They're gonna have a problem. A little acting. Did you do acting regular? Did you switch over? Do you have your crossed over? No, nothing. No.

But my, sure, let's do it. I fucking love you. Listen, you have a boyfriend now. I am dating someone. I thought you said no. You told me last week, no. No, he didn't. I told you I'm dating someone. Oh

Now where is he is he in the biz no he's not in the industry. He's a square. He's not a square He's not a square. What do you mean? What is he show this? He's in the answers him and in the shoot But he's not in the porn industry. Oh, that's a Jared Fried the Joe sure You're dating the fucking The Joe sure you're dating the fucking One of you He was like I'm not gonna talk about you You pull the shirt up, if you pull the show up, he's all vlog marks. He's just fucking, fucking shame, shame, shame.

How do you show kids to talk about us? It's okay. So what would you do, Joe? If you, like, you, after a show, she came up to you and was like, oh, I fucking want you balls. Oh, um,

we, when I, when I was single and girls would come up to you and it's not because I'm not bragging that I'm like some hot dude or yeah, great. It just happens when you're your performer and you look successful or whatever. But I could, I would always screw it up or never, never really do it. Really? Well, you don't drink anyway, right?

Oh, no, I like to have a Bruce Gertie song. Oh, I'm sorry oh I'm sorry I'm a what a Bruce I love you so much like that flander's more more Bruce Geertus ski there's such a fucking look at just a bridge between you and him two different people I think we're two two peas in a pod I think I really it just Kevin has no filter where I worry about everything yeah brother that like a lot of things he says is like stuff I'm I think Kevin and I are very similar. Oh really? It just Kevin has no filter where I worry about everything. Yeah. But other than that, like a lot of things he says is like,

stuff I'm thinking, but I just don't want to. Well, that's the thing about Kevin, that people like when we were talking about you, what you fans say, they're talking about you, which we're actually saying, like, maybe, maybe he's right, maybe that's the thing. Maybe, you know, if there's anybody out there just yapping about shit, maybe he's on the side.

I bring up unfortunate situations. But let me say this. Please. No, I don't want to address that. What? No, because the one thing I do resent when people say I sell sabotage, that's all bullshit. Because I show up on time.

I do, I'm not late. I'm not I don't do heroin I'll tell you what no no no no I'm started it and Liz is perpetuating it because no I'm sad I because I screwed up misery loves company, but the fact of matter was that was that had no legs anyway So what are you talking about selling out the village underground? Oh, come on You sold out the village underground with fans only I'll come on. I'm gonna fuck you up. I'm gonna say, I'm six months. And I know legs. And six months. And six months. You sold out the village underground with fans only. Okay.

But that was, that was, that was the end of the world. Well, the fucking legs, the world. And it was like, you could have judged 20 if you wanted to. No, no, no, no. I'm saying, I'm saying for no, and then Liz goes, yeah, he's self-sabotage. I'm like, a guy who does heroin and is alcoholic and chill and that's self-sabotage. What I do is, like just I just speak my mind If that's self sabotage and like what the fuck am I supposed to go to be a priest? Oh, no, no

I'm just saying like you can't even fucking you can't even do it was never that was never gonna last the end the end of the story So I don't sell I self sabotage like I've had this incredible career like I punched Lauren Michaels into face You did I'm no talent. Why did you Lauren Michaels in the face. I'm no talent Why did you punch him in the face? I'm joking. I've never done anything me to like I got left I did a show on yomka porn that fucking dirty Jew got mad so that's self-sabotage For so we were we had no future in no future. There's literally you saying dirty Jew. Yeah, that's self-sabotaging I'm sure if a Jewish person wanted to listen, if a- I'm sitting in the middle of the Jew.

You're clean. Oh, okay, thank you. I'm saying, I'm saying. If a Jew is supposed to want to hire you, as a, oh no, they won't. They won't, they won't. If they're like, all right, I want to hire this guy. And then one of the person was like,

well, I just found this clip of him saying dirty Jew. Good, don't hire me. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go. Remember when I said Kevin said things that I wanted to say that was not one of those times. Oh, no. But no, but I was referencing this specific dirty Jew. I don't think all Jews are dirty.

What the fact is? A lot of more. A lot of Jews around the showbiz are very duplicitous back me up on that show I have an experience that here's the problem with Kevin that people don't get this what people don't get is that What he's doing is entertainment and what he's doing is he's trying to Entertain the people that do like him and listen to him and like that style of humor. And when he shuts off the mics, you see him at the club. He really not a dickhead. You're like, what's up?

He's very quiet and funny. No, I have nothing. I basically have nothing to say. And also, also when I did- He said all on stage. Yeah, and also when I did when I did play by the rules, I got nowhere. So why play by the rules? I got nowhere.

People think Kevin's a mean guy off stage. No, he just, he doesn't talk to me at all. You don't talk to Joe off stage. I have nothing to say to him. I'm not going say to anybody. I say hi to you. I say hi But I don't see it that much. We talk I talk. Yeah, but I but I but we're in the same business and we you know I mean, we don't I don't see you that much so if I talk about Now much though. I don't really talk to anybody. I talk to people that I do my pocket. Those are real by the way. They are. They're not real. You're not nipple.

We can't show nipple. No nipple. Why can't we show nipple? We'll get kicked off YouTube. Yeah, we can't show nipple. For real? Yeah. It happened last night.

We're good now. We're good now. You can show now. Oh, yeah. Here you go. Just a little bit. Wait, wait. Yeah, they're real.

I can't see anything. You can show everything. We're off the camera. We put them off camera. My wife, when I did when she was on my podcast. Those are real. They are real. Those are real. Why would I lie? I don't know.

I knew you weren't lying. I just wanted to see them. Is that camera good? I wish I had Aaron's face behind you. Aaron was like this. I got it. So from the corner of my eye. It's like when they, remember the,

what was that thing with the girls going wild at the, they throw the beads and they have the girl on top of the head of all the college guys Those if you look at all those videos is always a dude in the background just waiting for the tit to come out Yeah, like some some black dude in the background just waiting all these college guys like go Then the girl whips her titty out and you see a black hand come up shagotitty So it's a black hand. It's always a black... Oh, a thin witch hand, like you know. A fucking homeless person's hand.

It's not a thin hand. Oh, it's the worst. You have thin Irish fingers. Oh, I'm a fucking... Puss. Puss. Potatoes out of the ground. Disgusting.

All right, listen, let's wrap this up. This has been a very interesting YKWD. This has been... I'd like this one the most in a love it a long time. Because I'm here? Yes. Thank you. Can I answer like this one the most in a lot of it a long time. Because I'm here. Yes. Thank you. Can I answer all this?

Because I was asking you. Not you. She's not asking you. I was asking you, everyone. Don't you're asking me. Don't bother. Especially you. Thank you, mama.

Can I have anything for you? I'm so sorry, Poppy. I was thinking, all three of them made it for a great episode. It's a very neat, Paul. Are you sick? Why was the last time? I had a pneumonia last week. What? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I I'm about. I'm saying if I have a shit guess, I go, it doesn't want it, it's not a good show. I, I, I, everybody says, you know, shut up. It's a good episode. The guys in good comic. I, I just say if the guy thought a good comic, I'll say thanks.

We have, we have a great, every week's pretty much a great episode. But I actually, this one was a lot of fun. This one was great because I, I, the dynamic was interesting. I knew you were going to fucking be good. I didn't know you. And but you're sweet, you're open, you great knew you were gonna fucking be good. I didn't know you, but you're sweet, you're open, you're great. Show, I know Joe is gonna be fucking great,

but it was good that he's, I didn't know that about him. I didn't know he's a devout Catholic. I didn't know that he's like, fuck you, I'm not gonna talk the whole show. I didn't know that he was gonna, I'm not gonna fucking, shit. Played the fifth, yeah. Bring his lawyer.

And you know what, so Jesus Christ. Oh. I bring his lawyer. He really, really, yeah. So Jesus Christ. Oh, you take so much crap for everything you say, son, I'm just careful about it. You're right. You do. You're smart, Joe. You are smart. What's terrible is that we can just get Mateo to call

and say things in your voice for you. He does exactly, he says exactly. Mateo laughs. He does fucking kill him. So funny. God, he does, Joe, he does everybody. He does Joe Mackie and he does Liza Mannelli. I want to just invite him to a party and just have him go,

ah, Bob, you see? He's on shirts always off on Instagram too. Thank God. And he acts like, no, he acts like, you know, people, guys don't like my, but I'm like, yeah, he dresses, he wears those little T shirts. And I'm like, I go, guys, I already want to fuck you because you're act, he goes,

no, they don't want to fuck me because of my comedy. I'm like, it makes no sense. But I'm like, the guy's too sexy. You know what I mean? What he's too sexy for you Just for everybody. It's just too much. What do you and then he takes a shirt off and I'm like am I gay or like? What's happening? You're definitely gay like you are yeah, I love his act and I just think he's just And I just think he's just delicious. I I Like sometimes I wish I was gay just to like Just like if you

If you ever say on the road you took him to open for you fucking I don't for him I would never have follow him anywhere really the guy's a killer he kills you kill two don't you know not like that No, I don't make people happy No, no, like that. I don't make people happy. He's like, make people, he fills them with joy. That should be a t-shirt you have. I don't make people happy. But you need to get the camera to the show.

Come to the show. I don't make people happy. They laugh, but they're not happy about it. So they have to pull it after you come. You're like, what am I doing? I know. I tell people, leave my shell, I'm like, what was that? I have a good time, but they're like guilty.

I edged for 45 minutes the other day. You did? Oh, I got, I know. That was awful. I just kept on clipped to clip to clip. It's so sad. What do you mean, edge where you wade? You just keep, you can't, I'd show you the fines.

And then I find one and it wouldn't load or it wasn't there. And then I found one and the acting was off. Because it's free porn. Yeah, now you're right. Pay for your porn. Yeah, I did watch those though. I watched a lot. It wasn't that long ago where you had to pay.

You got to hotel, yeah, I got to pack it. I really did like it. It was really sexy, but here's why you're great. This is why I'm great. Joe, and I'm gonna tell you because you're not gonna watch it. I'm gonna tell you why she's great to me. Notice how he's not looking at me and talking.

I'll tell you, I'll look right at you, baby. You're out of your mind. I'll fucking eat your ass off. Thank you daddy. I'm fucking. So, your wife don't listen to this? No, I don't listen to this shit. Yeah.

Yeah. Why you're great is because you're like the girl next door. You're like that Long Island girl or that East Coast girl, sweet as pie, won't take shit. Won't take shit, if you step over the line, I'll fucking crack you, I'll fight you, but other than that, I'd love you to be a sweet guy to me, and I love me and a pretty little girl for you,

and I will fucking tear your shit up. As long as you tear my shit up too. That is me. Fucking love it, I can feel that. And your wife has no problem with that. No, well, I'm not gonna do anything with her. How do you know? How do I know?

Because if she said right now, I'd like to suck your cock and make love to you in the back and let you play with my titties and just jerk off and I won't tell anybody. Could I watch and pretend I'm her husband? No, I wouldn't. Me and my wife have a date Friday night. We're gonna fool around Friday. For real? That's how you do it. That's it, T-N Me and my wife have a date Friday night. We're going to fool around Friday.

For real? That's how you do it. We have date night. And you save up all week. I save up. I haven't touched it. I didn't look at it. I want to do a shout out to my wife because she, you know, I always feel bad when I, you

know, because she's like, you don't say, you got to say nice things about me because I, you know, I make a lot of jokes, but I still love my wife. I love my kids, you say you love it. I love my kid, this is very important to me. I told my wife this, I don't want to be one of those guys to say I just love my kid. I literally the other night my wife walked out after putting my kid down and I just started crying,

I fucking love her so much. Now you know what, the man saying that to get off from the kid. No, my problem is, my problem is not, I'm not saying that to get off from the, no, my problem is, my problem is, I'm not doing that to make you even, you know, you know, I, I love my wife, but, no, my problem is I love my kids too much. Like I'm too, I think I'm too,

like I worry about them too much, because I love them so much like with these school students, like I am really have, really have an issues with this shit. Why? I'm just having some serious issues, and I'm having problems with the school, because, you know, I'm just having a lot of... It's totally all right. I'm not gonna...

Yeah, I'm gonna say what fucking school do I go to. Listen, dummy, you know what I'm saying? I'm saying, I'm saying like, I worry too much. Like, I have something happening to my kids. Like, I don't think I could go on. Is it a bad school district, is what I meant? I'm not gonna talk about all, I'm just saying, if I somehow have to my kids, fuck you.

What the fuck about it? If they go to a public fucking school, what if they, if you send him to a private school and spend on the money, then you have nothing to fucking worry about is my point. What fucking school do they tell me to talk to Patreon? I don't have the money for a fucking private fucking school. You piece of shit.

I'm saying, I'm saying. Put some content. Put some content. Go to his Patreon page. I'm saying, I'm saying. I'm saying, I'm saying. I'm saying. some content. Go to his Patreon page. I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm, I'm, I'm saying. If you touch, no, that's mine. That's not my Patreon.robercats. No, I'm saying, I'm too, I worry about my kids too much.

You have, I have a channel. I love my kids too much. I don't have, I don't have too much. Listen, you don't care about my kids. I'm always anxious about what's going on to my kids because I love them too much. Can I say something about that? They're actually, you're giving your kid anxiety by doing that. No, I know, so I'm trying to chill out. You need to. I'm trying to chill kids, cause I love them too much. Can I say something about that? They're actually giving you kid anxiety

by doing that. No, I know, so I'm trying to chill out. You need to. I'm trying to chill out, but it's not easy. Well, you need to. You need to let go of your kids that I'm getting to a little danger so they don't get fucked.

Yeah, I'm telling you, their life's living in New York is dangerous as it is. It is not. You should have let go of, we don't live in a country like you. Well, I don't have a fucking farm sheep and a mother farm. I have a three bedroom ranch. You fucking loser. You still said ranch, bag it Whoa Cock me

I say Joe Cuck No, I meant the other word Give me $20 anyway. Oh, are you gonna have kids someday? Oh, hope so. How many kids do you want? You'll be a great dad. Two or three. You're gonna be a great dad, Joe.

I hope so. Are you excited about that time of your life? Terrified. Why? Well, I, I, I wouldn't be able to do comedy. I'm worried you'd be a bad dad. How many guys do you know that have kids that do comedy? Me, Louis.

That's why I was worried. That's true. I just, what are you talking about? Like a lot of kids have, a lot of people have do comedy. Kevin has kids. A lot of people have Duke comedy and they have kids. That's what I said. We all have, there's a lot of, there's a lot of, there's a share here.

You can't do it on the road when you want to. He doesn't know, he doesn't, he most of the guys he knows don't have kids. Comedy is getting harder and harder, especially to get a fan base and to get, get good bookies on the road. It's harder and harder and that's what I worry about. It is harder and harder. Yeah, not for me. I'll be at the clubbing.

I'll be clubbing Ohio. I'll be in some clubbing Ohio. Let's bring up the dates actually. I want to stop plugging. My dates are not. My dates are not. But Kevin Brennan, Kevin Brennan comedian, because he didn't put the dates up. Dapes. Kevin Brennan. Why don't comedian cause he didn't put the tapes up. Dapes.

Kevin Brennan. Why don't you wear that on my show? Kevin Brennan. I'm wearing a TV. Not you, Kevin. Can I just do my thing? Kevin Brennan comedian, that's my website. Kevin Brennan, 666, I Twitter and Instagram

and all my sites will be all my dates. But I'll be the next one I have out of town is in Ohio. Kuyuga Falls. See the real town is in Ohio. Kuyuga falls See the real funny stuff and Kuyuga falls April 19, 2021 Talking to me like that and Bernie orders me around like burning bridges hang on come on man burning bridges on compound media and Mizoros company podcasts available on iTunes also all the links are at my Twitter Kevin Brennan six I don't people go

Joe Liss you're on the YKWD live with Joe Maggie Kevin Brennan and my new girlfriend Even sounds like hello Hang on hang on you fucking cox are we didn't cut this out no? Alana's Alanis A lot of love a lot of love but LUV the Dave Kuli a No, that's a lot more set. That's a lot of more said. That's a lot of more said. This is a lot of love. Alana is a porn star, beautiful porn star, has great movies and now she's here today. You're welcome. She's a sweetheart. Why don't you, why don't you have me and when the porn star's there? I was on with Dunjay. I got the, you said no. Dunjay was a stripper and

you said no, you didn't want to do today's show. I was busy but I was busy because I'm plugging my Netflix half-hour. You mother fucker. You snuck on to get a plug. No I was calling to see if this gig is still happening tomorrow. We're doing that gig? No it's canceled. Seriously? Yes the guy who booked it's Aaron's right here.. We're gonna get around 12 feet of snow tomorrow 12 to 16 and

One to four inches. I heard well that's a 16 one to four is my penis 12 to 16 is what Alana is used to Mackey as a big peepee what how? How did this conversation got off the rails? And you just like ask Joe Liss, then you're like, he can't do it, and then go to the next. I want you want to do shows? Sure. That's a hundred bucks, you want to do it?

I can't, I'm on Chicago. Okay, there you go. What do we get to cancel though? Well, I still got to try to get there. This shows can't say. Now you do have to try to get there. All right, well, make sure you go to Netflix right now and what's the name of the specials?

Not specials. I get it. I know what you're doing. Buddy, I'm not fucking doing that. You're insecure. I'm saying what's the name of it? It's called the stand-ups. It's an episodic. It's not a special. I'm not special. I stink. Joe, you're asked. Joe, you're one of the funniest guys out there right now because you so I've talked to Seven different people in the last month about you behind your back and every single one of them is like oh my god Joe list is amazing Including a lot of

Yes, of course she now I know she's lying about what she said about me I don't lie ever yes ever I know she's lying about what she said about me Yes, it's canceled but but he's gonna text you after you're still gonna get the money You're gonna pay before you guys got paid he's had all this money. No, we're gonna do it again later I'm gonna do it again later. Anyway. Winterfell and Joe. I will never stop for an agent. Winterfell. Friday night make sure you-

No, I'm a booker, whatever. Winterfell and Jimmy Fallon, he's on it. Joe this is gonna kill, I'll be watching. I took Friday night off. It's date night, so after I have to have a little sex and my wife, I'm gonna watch you solo. All right, great. Did you tell Brennan I did his bit on the show?

You gonna watch my videos you do Fuckin she's exactly my type of chick by the way, um, I gotta stay away from her Listen, I'm gonna stare you you did Kevin Brennan's bit on your show it kills which bit I forget I Think my wife is on Tinder because I'm on tender and i saw her on tender i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in I'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in i'm in Are you coming down to smoke cigars? When? Tonight! Is that you from his home? 8 o'clock for FitBin Faggot! I'm doing bonfire and I got a couple of sets before him. I'll be down there like 10. Fuck man.

Okay I gotta go pick up my kids. Let's wrap this up. Alright Kevin, you are all set. You can actually go buddy. Let's go to bed. I'm gonna get up in the middle of the thing. Well if you gotta go you gotta go. We gotta wrap up. I'm just saying, I don't want to fucking,

what? Mac is got enough credit. Yeah, Joe Mackey. Joe, look at you. I mean, I'm Mackey List. Look at you. What a door. You're adorable. That's me.

There's my teeth. No. Hey, you're one of the, that, that sweater has a little thing on the collar. What is that little button? Oh, it had, uh, an apple. It had one of those things we can put your military. What? An apple. I'm sorry.

How do you know what a fucking epilet is when you dress the same every week? That's because I'm poor, but that's, I don't know what stuff is. Well, you got, you know what I don't know, I don't know how health insurance, I don't know the word. Really?

You don't have health insurance, we have health insurance. Soldiers can put those things on the side. It's an epilet. It's an epilet. It's an epilet. It's an epilet. It's an epilet. It's an epilet. It's an epilet. It's an ep. Yeah, well, I didn't know what that I never heard that word before.

But hey, I got Zaini's Wednesday through Saturday in Chicago. Old town that I'm in Paris, France. Monday the 26th, do you have a feeder to Louvre? What the fuck is that? How do you go from Nashville to Paris? That's Chicago to Paris. How is that? I would love to be back in Nashville. It's a great city. Oh, great. Yeah, it's a great club to Zaini Nashville. It's a great city. Okay. Yeah, it's great club Tuesday It is a great club. I love that club. Then I got Austin, Texas Salt Lake City in Edmonton, Albert to come up in April Awesome, man. Check out Joe Mackie. What's he doing in Paris? It's a theater show. They do it for the English speakers, which there are many in Paris, right? They do a monthly English show as Is it good money? It's decent money and also they paid for three days trip to

Paris. Wow. Are you bringing you girls? Yeah. No, no. Are you gonna watch porn? I'm probably gonna have some wine. Okay, that's opening up. Is it gonna be water first? No, I was really going to. All right, that was just hilarious. Sorry. Sorry. Joey, thank you so much for coming in. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. You're the best.

All right, let's go to you, sweetie poo. Hi. I can't even die. We can't do it. I can't do it. Why? You're okay. I can't do it.

I know you treat everybody like this. I do not. You do. You treat it last week. You treated Kevin like he was the man. Well, you didn't treat me this well. He kept calling me stripper. You're not a stripper. I am not.

I imply that she might have, but then she cleared up. She said she worked in a strip club. But I assume all porn people do strip, we're strippers and then they go gravitate to porn, but. No, I just went straight into it. porn actually you can go you can go and make an appearance at a strip club right and they do that and it's actually they get paid a lot of money for that. that's like you doing a signing.

signing Bobby thanks. I'm just clarifying every day. I don't know why people are so serious. like I have like I have Down syndrome. I forgot to wear my helmet. well Kevin that's called a signing okay. Like I have Down syndrome. I forgot to wear my helmet. Kevin, that's called a signing. Okay.

You have the same complexion and hairline of a Down syndrome person, but showbiz is 30 years. I picked up a couple of things. Oh, thank you. And a fucking gigas and when strippers do gig. That's my man, my wife. Anyway.

Hi, she's gonna be mad. We're gonna take that out. Hi, what do you have a website? What do you have? How can we promote you? Well, you can find me on Instagram at... Are you on Instagram? I am.

She's got nice pictures too. Thanks. Am I not following you? No, I don't know if I am. What's your secret? Underscore Alana, underscore love, LUV, underscore, or you can find me on Twitter at AlanaLoveXXX.

Right there. Right there. What the yes picture. What is it the Instagram? Right here, yeah. What's the Instagram? It's on the screen. It's on the screen. Let me see.

L-A-N-A. My underscore. Because everything else was taken for some reason. God, do I? Because there's a real two with the other one. Is that probably? Oh, there is. Is that you right theretor with the other one. Is that probably. Oh, there is. Is that you're right there?

With the ass, yeah. Right there. Yeah. Any good stuff on here? Yep. Are we still on the air? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

You know what, you're slow there. You're absolutely right. I'm following you now and I follow Kevin. Do I follow you? I follow you. I don't do much on Instagram, because I think it's, no, I think it's like for kids and pictures and. Oh, you're great on Twitter though.

You're one of those guys that can go on, I'm not good on Twitter. I'm more on Instagram than on Twitter. Well, they say that Instagram is the thing to be on to promote right now, to get people to go to your shows, Instagram, Facebook, but Instagram first. They say Twitter does nothing really to make sure. Snapchat used to be good, but it's not anymore, I guess,

but Instagram. I like Snapchat too, because it all goes away. If you sent me something, it just goes away. Like it never happened. So does the Instagram story. I was trying to get married on Snapchat, right? It just all goes away. Hey!

I got a Snapchat. I checked it out. I don't even set me up perfectly. I'm kidding, honey, I love you, but I'm just, I gotta make jokes I checked it out. I don't even set me up perfectly. I'm kidding, honey, I love you, but I'm just, I gotta make jokes, so not listening. No, I gotta make jokes. I gotta make jokes to feed my goddamn family. You know what I mean?

So that's what I do. That's what I be doing. I'm gonna be a, I gotta big, next week, fat black pussy cat on, I think it's Tuesday night, I'll be here back with the Anita. I'm invited. I'm needed, yeah, you wanna come down? Absolutely, Tuesday night. I'll be here back with the Anita. I need to invite it. I need to, yeah, you want to come down?

Yeah, absolutely. Tuesday night. I need a dick show. Is that yours? That's me. Yeah. Is that you every time? I need a dick.

I thought it was a show. I show my dick. Believe me, you don't want to see. I know that was you. My wife came into the shower today and I always turn my back to the wall when she comes in. So I don't want to see it.

But I'm losing weight. Bobby, Kelly's losing weight. I'm going to the gym every four nights a week so far and I'm fucking getting back to Jack. Oh, I can't wait. I'm gonna fucking choke you. I can't wait until you as good looking as your headshot when I first met you. I'm gonna get back and you look Asian

Like a beautiful beautiful half Asian boy. I did I look like a lady boy. Oh my god Now I know when a girl fucked you a 10 That picture you you're fuckable Not so much anymore right Joe I think he looks good. You think I look good? Would you bang me? Yes I would. But he wouldn't talk about it afterwards. Like on any podcast. If you do, if you do, I think if a German snapchat. If a girl was into me now, I would think it'd be a fetish. Yeah exactly. Like she really loves Game of Thrones or the only way to some kind of book. So I really like you. What are you into, honey? What are you?

I'm a chaser. I like to. I'm a chump. Bit of a chubby chaser. Do you like a magicians? Are you into magic? Why are you trying to fuck me? But I will be back.

I'm going to get fucking back to Bob Kelly. Probably a year from now. I'll be there. So I got a big tour in Michigan. This motherfucker right here, Aaron is with me. Shakespeare's channel, he's a Tiger Roman Fort Wayne, Planet Ant Theater, and a ham,

what is that? A ham, ham, Tram, ham, Michigan. How's the tickets going? Good. Great. Just goes, wow, that sounded terrible.

Oh. Are you sick? Are they going well? I want how the tickets sound. Good. Good. Wow. They're going well. Well, all right how the ticket selling good

Well, all right great. So tell them about the gigs use that mic April 5th Is Kalamazoo Shakespeare's lower lover you see the laughing pose. Yeah, yeah, so really well There's a discount code on that one discount code dude Then we got a Fort Wayne Tiger room. Yeah, super good room and then Chicago. I mean, excuse me Detroit hamtramic How's there all sound well all. Let's get on the ticket. You're gonna miss you. It's on a tour with you. Me, Aaron, just me. I'm doing. I'm just on to do these little one-nighters, dude. I did it in Chicago. But who are you touring with Aaron? Me and Aaron, right? He books it. We sell it together. He's on the show. I might put another guy on the show here and there. What a guy, get a local guy. We did a Liam sent in me and you and Chicago.

And Chicago Lafactory sold out. One night, one fucking show I made what I would have made at a weekend. Yeah, I saw, for some reason I was on your website and I saw you were only doing one night. I thought that's weird, one night in Chicago. But you can do that now, you don't have to fucking. You can, well you could too.

You got a good agent. Well, you should get a fire mate by the way. Who? Your agent. You're agent. You're agent. Did he really? Yeah. I wonder why.

No, it was because I was living in California and he fucking, he'd basically lied to me, but I loved the guy. He's a great guy. He's a good guy. He loves you too. And then we go to Cobbs, man. With funny bones, Syracuse, have you done that?

Yeah, I've done that. How is it? It's pretty good. The ceilings are a little high. It's at a mall, so the room isn isn't set up well but I thought it was well managed I'm in it's in my there it's actually pretty decent I like all right cool Syracuse New York and then I'm doing San Francisco Cobbs comedy Westport treehouse back at the

flat I'm bananas I'm Westboro theater that's a big one June 1st you gave me enriched boss to doing this show Westboro theater. That's the big one. June 1st, she gave me and Rich Voss to do in the show. Westboro music hall in Long Island, where you're from, right? Brooklyn. Brooklyn, whatever. New York, Brooklyn, Queen, whatever. What's the same thing, huh? I just live in Brooklyn.

I live in Jersey. You do? What part of Jersey? By Edgewater. Edgewater, by yourself? Mmm, sure. Oh, sure. The fantasy is broken.

Westberry's eyes. She lives with a guy with a fucking motorcycle a tattoo and his neck definitely not Westberry that's a big theater in the round right big theater in a round, baby. Oh, yeah, it's cool venue Can you take us now? I do I have a wife and a beautiful child that I love so much But I would lick the fucking sweat off your asshole. No, I'm kidding. She would not I would not that's your fetish No, my you know my I wouldn't do that to you. What, I'm kidding. I would not. That's your fetish. No, my, I, you know, my, I wouldn't do that to you. What would I do to you? I think I just kiss fuck you. Anyways, I'm gonna be, thank you so much. I'm gonna be, I'm, I'm, I'm, I love kiss fucking.

Gabby throwing up yet. And it was go to my, go to my, I have my my my channel at patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. It's a channel I have so much shit up there right now become a member of my channel I'm serious so the my life from the shed show that's up there Thank you so much for all the good reviews. We were fixing the sound. There was a little sound issue You guys told me about it. It's being fixed right now. We have a show we did a while ago, the U-Haul show that's amazing. And one on one's are up there right now.

The one thing that I used to do the thing, the lips in premium, if you're on the premium, cancel it. Go on the app, get off it. That's how you do it. Fall the directions. Don't email me. I don't like it. Figure it out, you're an adult.

It says to get off it and go over here to support me. Go to my channel over at patreon.com. So that's Robert Kelly. I'm going to be putting up one show a month of life from the shed. And I'm going to be putting up one on ones. Kevin, we do want to want me just me and you. Consider it done. Not the one I want with anybody, especially it done. Not the one I want with anybody, especially Atlanta.

Just kidding, honey. And I don't want to snapchat, Marrick. Would you do one of my shed ones? I'm looking for somebody in the, so in the point, if she did one of my life in the shed. Yeah, it's gonna come to your house. Yeah, she'll meet my wife. I would love to meet your wife.

Yeah, we're gonna make sure she's out of time. We'll all over. We'll listen. She's gonna go all the way to your house. Yeah, what I do is I send a Uber for you or a car service. I'd drive you up. Oh, you drive. Okay, great.

You drive up, come in, do the shed show, and then I'm on my way. And then you said it's really easy, but I would like to do it one on one of these. Yeah, absolutely. I've thought that. I can't do it one on one. We'll do it one on one with Gabby there, just in case.

No problem. All right. I like her. She's the best. I want to, what do you got? Next, we got galbi. We got cheeks. I'm pretty firm.

I'm storing food in there. Like a little squirrel, baby. For the long winter. Next, we go. I'm like, I'll do the worst. Spin it out. Like a little squirrel baby for the long winter Next week open. I'm like god you the worst spin it out next week I'll be at laugh out that featuring for Rhino Flanagan. I'll be headlining one day on April 8th. Yeah, I had line in one night There's awesome. Are you opening for Ryan Flanagan? Who the fuck is that? I've never met him before That's why I get so bitter. I hate this guy's head line. I never heard of that. I'm sure they suck And I just you just go like who the fuck?

Can I try my agent? I'm like where the fuck you doing? You know what you need to do? I need to leave Yeah, you do have to go it's actually a late you need to take off I'll see you later late you go you gotta go you sure you gotta pick it like that's a scene from moon struck You're late you gotta go pick it kids. What am I talking about you guys don't talk about? I am a man. I've seen it. We've all seen it. Yeah, it's a hit on my talking about what she goes You're late with the mother share when she's talking to Nicholas cage you go When I'm here whenever about to have sex or right after that sex share him he goes I'm here

He goes I'm here. She goes you're late like a yenta way to end the show Bye You guys do more. How much money have you raised? How long do you do? Gabby, this is the way we end the show every week. I love it. Gabby, what do you got? Check out my Instagram and my website.

I have some dates coming up. You might do one of these shows over at the Pussycat. You might do a five minute spot. Maybe. Can we film it and talk about it the next time? No. Nice talking to you. Yeah.

But also, I have a new podcast coming out called Apod Collips with Katie Hanigan. Love Katie Hanigan. Yeah, it's going to be great. It's about Apod Collips scenarios. That's great. So check out my website on my Instagram. What are you dressing like that for?

You look like a hipster. You look like you're a fucking merchant marine. What the fuck? I don't want people to fuck with me on the train so I dress down. I got a lot of money, but I don't want people to know that. Right, okay. Alright, well they don't. And plus if you try to stab me through this coat, it don't go through. Really? Yeah, it's a car heart. It's like a fucking real coat. Alright, great. People in Michigan when you go there

Kevin bread and everybody and Zach. What do you got? What are you? Come on spit it out Zach the new guy and what you're you want to plug some Ah, LaFactory Saturday, nasty show 1130 and our tour our tour You know CS man shakes me to lower level. Yeah, Tiger room, Fort Wayne and Ann Hall, him, Tramack. And we are, yeah, thank you so much for listening to the podcast. This was a great one. You guys will support me on my channel on Patreon. Thank you so much. You're the best.

If you're on the premium network on this, please switch over. Cancel it right now. And I love you guys. You're the best fans of the world. You know what, then. We'll see you next time. You've been listening to YKWD Podcast. Thanks for listening.

Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Y todos los tres. aventuras desesperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.