Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Jim Norton | My Glasses

Episode Date: August 9, 2021

This week Robert Kelly sits with Jim Norton as we look at the origin of Chip Chipperson, the evolution of alter egos, dealing with women of the night and how pasts effect our future! Get the EXTRA 20 PLUS of YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Si no, por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en treno, con hacernos y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

Encuentra en los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos lia. Un número de maú, a Madrid. Buscas contenido gratis. ¡Au, one and busy! Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o Sensación de Vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlos sin pagar nunca. Sabemos lo importante que es sentirse acompañado. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. siempre que se mantenga las circunstancias económico financieras del solicitante en el momento de la solicitud. Why can't we do these back again? Old school, back in the day We're all starting before them all

I'm keeping my mind on why can't I do these? This podcast is so fun and crazy And there's no rules Shut up, you're ruining this Break the bar, damn it, I'm sorry It's a comedy podcast This is an NPR That's the podcast done!

Is there any better show? This is the original Original I'm gonna show this the original original. I'm gonna show this the original original original. I'm gonna show this the original original original original original original original original. What's up everybody? It's back me, Robert Kelly. You know what dude? Ha ha ha. That's right.

I'm very excited about this episode. We're back in the studio. First off, I want to thank Seth at last witness who actually hooked all these lights up, made us go from fucking zero to hero with the help of Adorama. The only place to go for anything electronic in Manhattan. Adorama, my favorite store, you guys made this place look amazing. So, I want to thank those guys and I also want to thank all the Patreon listeners, patreon.com, Sasha Robert Kelly. I want to thank all of you guys,

we want to read the names at the end, we want to do all the new people that signed up this month. Welcome, all the people that have been a part of it for, I mean, Jesus, three years now. Thank you for being a member. I'm excited tonight. Gabby's not here, Boohoo for all you guys, you're creeps who just tune in

to look at a hay haired thin six and a little tired tonight. I thought I was under the weather. I had to go this morning. I went for a COVID test. I thought I might have COVID, but I don't. I'm fine. I just think I ate something bad. I had RX bars that I found. They were sitting in the back.

I had a box of RX bars. And they were sitting in my drawer for like a year. And I fucking put them in the fridge and I ate a few over the last couple of days. And I think I've been like pissing out of my asshole. So I think that's what it is. Why would you eat fucking anything that was in your house? For a year? Yeah, I know. I just thought I was hungry. Yeah, but you you're a fucking gazillionaire or something. No, I would. I do wonder if I just I was like, I was probably fine, but I should not jump. If you're in the woods in the Hampshire

with no electricity, I'd be fine with that. You have nine bodegas down the street from your home. You have 55 people from 90 different countries that will jump on an e-bike to deliver you whatever you want. I know. It was a bad move. A bad move.

I was really thought that I had, so I went out this morning, got a a test and I just feel run down, but I feel better now, I'm not sick at the moment at all. I just feel like beaten up a little bit. Doesn't that suck that every time something happens now? You're like, oh, I'm, I got COVID. I'm done. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, be paranoid. You paranoid.

But here's the thing. You can't even cough in public without, hey, I'm good. Yeah. I feel like I sneezed in the CVS the other day and everybody turned to me like, there he is. Like this fat fuck's got it. Yeah, I feel bad for people with empathy, who are always hacking and coughing. What a shit time to have that disease. Yeah, I know like mush, mush, the,

our producer, he always sounds like he's dying of COVID. He's just, you all right? I'm okay, this is my stuff. I really don't like people who, no offense much, I love you. But there's people that I know that have that signacy thing. I'm always, wait, signuses. Just no, you're not one of them. You have signuses, but you got you fixed.

They always sound like their noses stuffed. I like crack shickle. I fucking hate it. Crack shickle. I don't want to know who that, yeah, I like that like Craig shickl. I fucking hate it. Craig shickl. I don't want to know who that is. You don't Craig shickl. I don't want to know who it was. I don't want to know who that is. I don't need another fucking person to my life. It's not popular at all. Listen, you're not popular. I know I'm not as less popular. Can I can I talk to you about this club? I hate it. Always like, Can I can I talk to you about this club? I hate it always like hey, I cut with you want to pull a prank? No, but you know that voice that yes voice that yeah, it's the worst. Yeah, like he never has used the nava Yeah, yeah, ever yeah, I hate that hate sinacy. Yeah, I understand don't blow your nose or get him fixed to

Yeah, talking. Yeah, clean him out like gun knows or get them fixed to start talking. Clean them out with a gun. It makes me feel like I can't breathe. When I'm talking to somebody like that. Yes. No, because, yeah, can I ask you a question? Sure. What I really want to get to the bottom of this,

as Jim Norton, yeah, my friend. For 30 years. Yeah, we, my friend. For 30 years. Yeah. We've known each other for 30 years. That's more than half my life. Yeah. I've known you from more than half my life. I want to get to the root of these characters.

Like, if we can talk about, and I don't want to talk about it in a fuck you way, a fuck you characters. I'm serious. I don't, like, I don't understand like where they came from. I remember when you first started doing them. I remember just walking to get coffee and you would Jimmy without a lid or some shit. Well, there was Liddy. No, there was a guy you like, I don't like Lids. Oh, I got that on me. You never had a lid for your hot coffee from Starbucks, which was scary to walk with you. And you would do this character coming back to the house when we lived. Well, I don't know. Most people don't know this that we lived together for the same

building. Six years. Yeah, not together. It wasn't your little boy toy. Yeah, she was had more fun and made more money. I'm fucking, I was just to fucking pay for Don't shit. She never touches my pecka. At least you'd touch my pecka. Wow, by me gifts. I touched yours. But you started doing these characters then. I was doing them before that. I was doing them in my personal life way before that. Like, what do you mean by in your personal? With girlfriends. They were just the joy of these characters that they annoy my friends,

and they're in my head, and then they come out annoy friends, and then they end the public season. Like, how do they get, this is what I wanna know. I don't know how they get in your head, and then what is the thing that you say, okay, let me do them. What is that?

Because, you know what I mean? Like, how does it go from in your head to outside? And then to us, it spills out. Like, you ever see a toilet overflow? That you have. That's exactly how it comes out, like an overflowing toilet. Like it's already in there and it's been buggy.

Before people hear something, it's been in my head for months for a year. And I don't even know how it comes out. Like I used to do years and years ago, like the early 90s when I was dating this girl, I'm in the mid 90s, I would do a character called Roger Davis. I mean, I was on the radio.

I just did Roger Davis. And that kind of became chip. And what is Roger Davis? Like what? I know I Roger David. He was that name. I don't remember. I truly don't remember.

He had a brother Leonard who was burned all over his body except for below the knees. So he always wearing knickers to show off his unburned calves. Like I these we I don't remember much. He had a brother named Stewie and older brother named Stewie. And little mouth man became Edgar Uncle Larry became Uncle Paul. Like, I don't remember them butchers. So these guys evolved. Yeah, they were always there for the last 25 years.

So Chip was, now everybody always says, Chip is kind of a combination of all of us. Of like, OP, Voss, me, Colin, because if you think of it, Chip does say stuff that we say. Chip though, but no, Chip is not based on any person. It's like, because Chip says, what's that? And how, I mean, anytime I'm talking to Voss,

it's like, what's that? Fuck, I said, yeah. You know what I mean? No, but with Chip, it was just, every time he heard the word, Chip, he would say, what's that? It was just obnoxious, a chip, what I mean? No, but with Chip, it was just he every time he heard the word chip you would say what's that it was just obnoxious a chip. What's that? Yeah, but it doesn't come from it's not a reflection of any person people asked me if it's OP and I've told I almost like I

think it's funny that people think that but it's really not right and nothing to do with it like it's just it's not the way I thought of it. I didn't even know him when I came up with Roger Davis. But you come up with Roger Davis and you start doing it with girls. Yeah, my girlfriend at the time hated it Did I know the girlfriend? I'm not I didn't oh you might it matter you might it matter Was it in Jersey when you lived in Jersey with Florentine? Before then it was before when you lived at home. Yeah, yeah, I was still at home. Jesus. When did you live at home? I was I was 30 I was home. Jesus, when did you live at home? I was, until I was 30.

Oh, shit. So was 30. You lived at your mom's house to you at 30? Yeah, I thought I'd say I used to get through the hookers and parking my fucking driveway and put up the, the sun guard and get blown because it was like a place for no cops would have. So I would always take hookers to my driveway.

You have parents? Yeah. You weren't worried about your mom going on little Jimmy's home. No, not at that hour. They weren't gonna peek out the window and fucking one a.m.m. What if I think I'd your dad didn't the sleepwalker? I know I know wake up and see you getting alone just getting blown. Yeah. Oh You never got caught once no, but I was always I was so ritual oriented and paranoid and

The coast had to be super clear. And again, before we did anything, I would never say anything about money until they were in the car and we were actually talking. So you picked up street walkers. Oh, for years, yeah. So you would drive around, it was like a ritual, it was an addiction, yeah.

And this is, I mean, this is before internet because I mean, hookers, oh, now don't have to do that. Yeah, this is 1989. You know, street walkers are coming back. I've heard that. I haven't seen it. Yeah, I saw a couple around New York. It was kind of nostalgic. Yeah.

I mean, just to see a chick and a shitty outfit with shoes that don't fit. Yeah. Looking at cars at red lights, you know what I mean? Nice. Think about how dangerous that is. Crazy. I mean, it's fucking nuts.

You're picking up a girl that is involved in some CD shit. Drugs. Maybe, yeah. Maybe. Yeah, you have to assume she fucking trying to get a real estate license. I'm gonna be sure. Yeah, there's probably drugs involved.

There's probably some drugs on her, and you're picking up your sober at the time. You don't drink, right? You have these drugs. But you're, it's probably a L.I.A you're probably a lowest paranoid too. Most too aware of things that could go wrong. And like it had to be right. And we had to talk for a second first. I stopped with getting girls off the street years ago, like a long, long time ago. It just seemed too shitty. And I figured, hey, online, at least if they're coming over They're just coming to my house and it's a little bit better. Well, I mean look It's an industry and it's a way to make money

I mean if if if there was hot chicks out there or even mediocre chicks with good paychecks that we're into chubby guys with dead toenails and a fucking Yeah, you know belly button herni, I'd fight jump in I talked to dawn and be like hey, listen We're gonna make around 500 bucks this weekend. Cash, we look at only fans, the amount of money women can make on that. It's crazy, and you don't have to leave the house. It's probably a very safe, easy, not easy, but safe way to make money from your fucking living room.

Because yeah, back in the day, I mean, what a nerve-wracking thing to drive around a shitty area. See a girl. I mean, it's almost like saying to a girl, hey, when's the baby doing that she's just fast. Yeah. I mean, what if you, what if you pull up and is not a, don't you have to dick? But you had a, I mean, you had to pull up and I mean,

how do you go about knowing that she's a hooker? Now, you just know, like you just know by looking, I would always drive around. They always had to approach from my passenger side. I was ritualist, ritual oriented, so it was very addictive. But I had to talk to them through the window a little bit and make sure that there wasn't nothing crazy going on. And then they would get in, we would talk for a second.

Like I would always, the best to the best of my knowledge was trying to make sure it was in okay situation. And how did you find out that they weren't like a cop or you weren't a cop? You have to. I'm just talking and driving. They're not going to drive away with you if they're if you're if they're cops. So you wouldn't negotiate until they're in the car. I was like, I'm just hanging out like they're like, what are you doing?

What are you doing tonight? What are you looking for? I just want to talk to you. Just drive around like stuff that they couldn't bust you for saying. Right. But do you ever get busted? No. Never. What are you doing tonight? What are you looking for? I just want to talk to you, just drive around. Like, stuff that they couldn't bust you for saying. Right. But, did you ever get busted? No.

Never. No, never scared. Yeah, I had a cop one time. I had the flag, I told the story on the air, tried to flag down the police car. Because when I had glasses, I was riding around the meat packing district. And this one one young trans gal

Didn't like the amount of times I was riding around without stopping So my window was open and she walked over and snatched my glasses off and she said that's for wasted my time Dude, I couldn't see two feet in front of me and I tried to drive and this fucking cops driving Why and I fucking high beam the cops and I flash the cops down I beat my horn and they pulled over and I'm like she took my glasses So the cops walk over to this sexual and ask her for and she gave the glasses back and he's a cop. We're a New York cop He's like, yeah, you know that's a dude. I'm like, why?

I'm dumb I'm like, what I know I told you't. I done. Yeah, I did. I'm like, what I know. I told you, but you remember the time when I saw you down there. That's right. It was one of the thoughts down there too. One of the greatest nights, I'm driving back with an open micro. I forget who it was. And we're in the meat packing district because we came out of the home in tunnel.

And we're heading back up town. And we're at a light and there was a bunch of transsexuals coming down and he said you think Norton really Really goes with those that really and I look over and you're in your satin Yeah, waving I remember that and I went I go does that answer you guys I go Norton and you just grab the wheel step You heard the little satin You heard the little satin. Oh, hang your sweat away. It was so fucking great.

Yeah, it was, I remember that too. And I do remember seeing Vos down there too. But that's before the Me Packie district got all fucking, got all fucking rich and celebrity oriented annoying. Well, the Me Packie district pack of the day was sex. Yeah, it was just sex. They had the, what was the club called? I know which one you mean, but I never went to it.

What was that called? I don't remember. It was, um, it was sex club. I know which one you mean but I never went to it. It was a call. I don't remember it was um it was a sex club. I feel yeah it was a good one. I was never big on the clubs or it were we're like missa like I've got massages in massage parlors but 90% of the time there more I preferred someone to come to my house right because I always felt like well I know that if they're at my house at least if they don't want to do something they won't do it Like, I think I was naive about the amount of shitty things that go on. So I just didn't feel good after a while. Well, another thing too, it's right now.

I mean, you're pretty open with transsexuals, right? I mean, it's so funny, people still out. Do you do see really do that? It's like, yeah, but nobody really, it's like, it's not a thing that it was 25 years ago. Right, right, right. I mean, 25 years ago, you went to a transvestite club like Adelwise. And you're gay.

You're just gay. And it really moved where I moved because Adelwise was around the corner. That's why I moved into your building. No. It wasn't because of me. No, it's because Adelwise. I only went in there one time. But again, I didn't, the vibe was too aggressive.

What do you mean? Um, I just, I just wanted to look around and kind of see, I was always kind of weird and shy. And I just walked in and one, the girls were too. It was late. There was only a couple of people there. Yeah. I walked in on a transsexual strip club in fucking New Orleans.

Yeah. And I walked in and it was late. I'll never forget this likexual strip club in fucking New Orleans. Yeah. And I walked in. It was late. I'll never forget this like short factor. I'll come up and link some arms with me. And she goes, you want to go in the back daddy? And I'm like, no, I'm just looking and she walked being a half circle right back up the door. That's the sex. You go to a regular strip club and they're very nice and petite. You go to a transvestite, they can beat you up and fucking just march you out the door like they're the bouncer and the stripper. She marched me right out there was so funny. I guess it was late, they were closing and they just she didn't want something a little fucking white gaucker.

But I was just kind of curious just to this place. I was walking by the transvestite club over on seventh. I used to workout. I lost a lot of weight. I lost like 90 pounds one year, going to the New York sports club after the seller. And I would just go there, work off for two hours, and I lost all this weight, I was feeling good, but I still wasn't there. And I was, well, I had a sleeveless shirt,

I'm walking by the club and this Puerto Rican Transvestite, which kinds of leans, sees me, leans leans on one hip and I'm like here it comes It comes my compliment and as I walk by she oh daddy you fat And I just went I just went by him. I'm trying I'm trying to say that. I don't know how fat Still chubby and I remember I went home and woke up dawn. I was like it's fucking It's transvestite call me fat. I mean, I've been working up dawn. I was like, it's fucking, it's transvestite called me fat. I mean, I've been working hard.

Sure. And she was like, are you fucking, it's, it's 230 in the morning and you're mad that a transvestite called you fat. I'm your wife. Yeah. You fucking idiot.

You're so mad that I took that home. I bothered you, yeah. It did bother me. I was just hoping that a sure of course to transvest that in this Puerto Rico where it came in nice little, you know, hot compliment. I mean, the fuck she was kind of fat too. I almost said that back which probably would have beat the shit out of me. Yeah, it's probably not. She probably had a fucking box cutter in her purse. I don't play games. It's, uh, yeah, but I feel like now it's, it's, no, it's, it's so common now that nobody cares.

You know, like I remember I used to have Bailey J at my barbecue and I never felt nervous another. I remember she was sitting next to my neighbor, Dolores. You know, Irish Catholic, Americana, you know what I mean? And then we just chatting it up. I don't think Dolores knew we'd get a bigger cock than our husband, but you know what I mean? Yeah, but I still talk to Bailey recently, actually,

her and Matt. Yeah, the nice people. Yeah, they're great. They're down there in Florida, having a great fucking old time. I know. Yeah, it's funny, but back to this character thing, we got some track with trainees like we always do. Yeah. I can't even say that anymore without getting fucking

canceled. It's really, and it's a shame that, you know, every word that you're not supposed to say, people assume you mean the worst thing possible when you say it. A lot of times you don't. Yeah, it's, I mean, it's gotten to the point now where fuck it, I'm never gonna be able to do anything epic or commercial or corporate. You know what I mean? Be sure you've always been you. I think that people that they tend to get go after

are people who have not been genuine or people who are pretending to be one unless you're say something really fucked up and egregious but in most cases if you made a living doing the same type of act for 20 years what do I do? I know but back in the day I believe in the 90s 80s 90s if you look you could be kind of a piece of shit or be I mean rock and roll let of shit or be, I mean, rock and roll. Let's put it that way. I mean, every hair band, every rock band, I mean, to get backstage, you know, you had to do some weird shit. It was about sex and misogyny and all that shit. And,

you know, now you're held to a different standard, but you can also, they can go when you get up to the upper echelons of things, look what they just did to the Olympics. Those people, the guys working in the Olympics got fired for jokes they made decades ago. Oh, yeah. I'm doing a joke on that. I can talk. Koby Ashtie is the, oh, well, I heard Vlas told me that joke. It's so funny. What's the joke? They fired it because he did 23 years ago. He did Holocaust jokes. Meanwhile, Germany is allowed to compete. Yeah, it's fucking brilliant. That's a great joke.

Yeah, but it's true, but they went back and they fired a guy over a fuck, 23 years ago. Comedy sketches, it's crazy. And if you had been, if you had to play the Nazi in a movie, a serious Nazi, nobody would have fucked with him. But the fact that he did it comedically, people were mad. Why?

Because they're assholes. But who are these people that get to make these decisions? It's a few people that pipe up and companies panic, and corporations fucking panic. That's all it is. Yeah, but that, but that, the corporations are the ones that are, you know, I mean, the networks are all corporate. Yeah.

They're all corporate, so there's no way, I mean, if you get an opportunity to be on something, you're gonna have to be stealthy. You can't be famous for, you can't be rock famous anymore. You can't, you can't, you can't be Ray Romano famous. You can't be, you know, Jerry Seinfeld famous anymore because they will go back and Find something you said unless you're crystal clean cut and have done nothing. Then again, I was not cut and have done nothing. Then again, I was not on my way to mainstream fame before cancel culture. So it doesn't matter. I was never going to get there. It was almost like I kind of peaked when I peaked. I disagree. You were on HBO. Yeah. You do. You were on HBO. You were on Louis show, which at the time, if that had went, you would have been mainstream. You would have been all the fucking red carpet events.

You would have been at the Emmys. You would have been, if that show had went like the show, Louis went, just the next show that he did, there was no cast. But if he had a regular cast and you were part of that show, if that was the show that went, you would have been right up there. You would have been up there, Emmy nominated. You would have been all the car. This is making me feel worse.

Well, I'm just saying, this is not helpful. They wouldn't have went back and did anything in that timeframe, but if that happens now, which, you know, it could, somebody could want, but they're gonna go, as soon as, this is what they do now, as soon, I went into a room, I think it was for a UFC job, and they were all on their phones.

And I was like, what the fuck? I mean, guys, could you get off your phones? I was mad, I was like, what are you doing? They're like, we're looking you up on Twitter. We're looking at your Twitter account and your Facebook account. They were all trying to see what the fuck I said in the last 20 days.

I don't, I haven't tweeted. I've treated a couple of times in the pandemic. I have off Twitter pretty much. I just I hate it. I figure instead of complaining about it. I just don't do I mean occasionally I'll send out a gig or whatever But I hate the fact that they let you see how many likes like I think you should be able to see your own Yeah, I just fucking hated the people retweet a song, so I've got a lot of likes. It's just such a fucking, we're so needy with this shit. It drives me crazy. Yeah, it's like a competition. Yeah.

And these people judge you by those stupid things. Yeah. Yeah, it is a, it is, I don't tweet anymore either. It's a competition I'm not winning. If it was a competition I was winning, I probably like it. Well, you were winning at the beginning. Uh, you and Opie and and Anthony were having the most followers. That was fun. It was, but it was never going to be a big. I remember the big race to a million between CNN and Ashton Kutcher. I don't remember. The first one to have the million will it be Ashton or will it be CNN? Who won Aston? I don't remember.

Has to be Aston. Don't remember. Yeah, it's fucking stupid. I hate Twitter. I like Facebook. I know it's old and I like Instagram. I like Instagram. Facebook can eat my dick. Why do you like Facebook? I like to talk to my family and friends on it. I never post it. Never. I always post on Facebook. Yeah. I love it. I don't watch TV in the hotel anymore. As soon as the guy went, I go and I fucking, I bring up, uh, I bring up the Facebook videos. And I just go from video to video to video and YouTube. You know what it is? I, oh yeah, what's it? Coacher. I don't, uh, wow, 2009. I don't, uh, my act is not right for Facebook. Like, I'm never gonna have anything to take.

You know, my fucking videos get 2,000 views on Facebook. I'm like, what am I doing? This stinks. That's a lot. It's not. What do you want? A million. A what?

I mean, I'm saying, that's what I expected. But anything that's impactful, half million and a million views. You know, find, there's no one cares. I think find something that will, that will, people will view. No, I can't. Like, my ex-girlfriend told me something one time.

Leave? Yes, she did. And, hey, you're the worst fuck I ever had and be leave. Hell of a first date. We, she goes, Hey, you've, she's like, you, you've made a really good living talking about whatever you want. Like, she made me feel better about it.

Like, yeah, you didn't get to the level you think you should have went to. But you talked about all the stuff you wanted to talk about. There's nothing I wanted to talk about that I haven't. It's so funny to hear you say that you, I mean, because, you know, if I look at you and your career and all the things you've done and the success you've had, to me, it's like, it's huge.

It's huge. I mean, the show you're on, the show you got after that, the comedy things you've done, the,'ve done, and now where you live, it's just like, wow, that's fucking holy shit. I mean, you've made millions. You're literally, and I don't want me to be offensive. You're a little fucking nerdy creep from Jersey that made millions telling fucking crazy fucked up jokes.

30 offensive jokes. Yeah, I mean that is crazy to me that you know, what did you want? Did you want like, did you want Louis famed? Did you know, not, but it's not like it's I look at other guys because when I see other guys who are doing really well, I never feel like I deserve it and they don't because the people like we've surrounded ourselves with are funny. Yeah. It's when you see guys like Bill or Kevin, I never feel like we're the folk because it's like they're really funny people.

Like I guess it's easy not to feel jealous when you respect the people and we always hung out with funny guys. So it's not like I want what they have. I'm lucky where I got to. Like I feel like I know I'm very lucky. Life has been fair to me. Yeah. You know what I mean?

I don't feel like I've been short-changed. The business has been fair to me. I didn't always get what I wanted, but I got a lot more opportunities than a fucking blinking non-actor with fucking as many fucking pussy lip jokes as I have. Yeah, but you sound like you're fucking, there's a suicide letter somewhere we have to find.

I mean, it's not, I do it. It's not over. Yeah, it's not over by a long shot. And I feel like you just coming off a pandemic, you're coming off of this, you're on a show five days a week, right? Yeah. For four days a week. And that actually consumes a lot of things you could be doing.

If you didn't have that show, you would have been forced to do something else. That's right. You would have been forced to write stuff, sell stuff, and I'm sure you would have been in the mix a little more. Those guys that you're talking about had to go into film and TV and sell things. You had golden handcuffs, you know what I mean?

With this show. I mean, what do you gonna do? Throw this amazing opportunity away and something that you're not to jerk you off, but you're really good at. Thank you. So, I mean, what are you gonna do when the Jim and Sam thing or the radio thing's over? Are you gonna do radio forever?

I mean, obviously if Jim and Sam ended, I would just podcast or do something because I'd just try to get your own show. Yeah, I mean, I get, I like working with Sam. We get along, it's easy, it's fun, it's a fun gig. You just talk to your stupid friends. Yeah. I don't know what I would do.

I would find something else in broadcast. He looks like I do like talking, I know what I'm good at and I know what I'm not good at. So I would try to find something that suited my strengths as possible. And here's the thing too, dude, that you do Jim Norton, the comic that everybody knows on behind a paywall on serious satellite radio.

If you did a podcast as you, like say, say, you know, whatever, God forbid, Jim and Sam ends and it will someday, everything comes to an end. And you're gonna have to be out there on your own. That might be the thing. I mean, look at Billy, Billy's podcast, him just sitting home on a Zoom, going, Dad, you know what, fucking now, fuck you.

All right, whatever, that made him huge. Yep. So who the fuck knows when you, I mean, being where you're at right now is great and you make great money, but you know, when you're done with this, whenever that is, you're going to go on to something else. It's got to be something else. You're going to, and you're a great writer too. You're gonna go on to something else. It's got to be something else. You're gonna and you're a great writer too You don't write you've never pitch shows have you yeah, I did pitch one that I really liked the one you read That and I was gonna do it as an animation. I really liked that one still I'd still like to do something in an animation with that Because I think it's

Pretty well written. I have like 11 episodes or 10 episodes written. I've actually, my goal is to still do something with that. But no, I don't pitch shows. I'm too impatient to fucking write one. And I like doing what we do. I like every morning, it's just different. Even when it's the same boring show, even when we're talking the same thing, we're talking, it's still different.

You're still saying something for the first time that day. It feels like, again, your mind has to work a certain way. I just like that. Y tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez, tal vez Adrida, murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Sarifa sujeta a su disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Ya, yo me he hecho. ¿No? ¿No? Pero hay que hacer. Yo he hecho.

Yo necesito, porque yo me estoy terrible. Me he hecho. Como, en el horno, me cambié la vida porque yo no podía ir a la noche más. out it. Like, you know, morning radio really changed my life because I couldn't ride around all night anymore. I couldn't, you know, you have to get back on a normal schedule. You go to the bank, you get a mortgage, all this fucking shit normal people do was because of morning radio, because I had to be up. Right. So I love the fact that I have that. It forces me to do stuff. Right. And then you, but you don't even tour anymore, right? Yeah. I'm going out August 13th, 14th in Madison for comedy on state love and I have I've never done it

Dude you're gonna fucking it's the best club and they treat you the best good and the fans are fucking amazing Yeah, it's a really I mean probably will top five in the country. I hear it's really great Yeah, and I'm you should have them take you to a house What was the house on the hill? I believe it's really great and I'm you should have them take you to a house Was the house on the hill I believe it's called. No, there's it. It's out there. It's around 35 minutes from the club See if they'll want to the people that work there are all fucking great And some of them are comedians and they'll take you out there. I think it's the house on the hill Mush in Wisconsin or somebody bring it up, house on a rock, a house on the rock.

Oh yeah, right here. This is, no, okay, yeah. See it, right there? House on the rock, that's what it's called. Yeah, bring this up. This guy, this fucking guy made this house in the middle of nowhere. Cool.

And you go in it and it's like going into another fucking universe man. Wow. I mean, there's all these optical illusions, the things that he built are just fucking amazing and it goes on forever and ever and ever. And he used to have orgies there. He used to have like all kinds of sex things that happen.

Talk to him, miss the orgies days, doesn't it? They used to have the tourist day. Hey, we're gonna look at this and give him a brochure. Wouldn't it be nice to have been there for the orgies? Yeah, I mean, I really can't fucking do an orgie, dude. I can't, I don't, I wasn't blessed with a piece. You know, I would have to,

big back when I was in my 20s and early 30s, I could do an orgie day now. I'd have to fluff, you know, for would have to, big back when I was in my 20s and early 30s I could do an org day now. I'd have to fluff, you know, for a while. Yeah. I think I've thought of that. Like even on the road, if a girl's a kid, I just wanna blow you on the other tell anybody. I'd have to be like, I'll be back in a couple minutes.

I gotta go baby wipe my dick. Cause I just did an hour on stage. And it was inside my body. I have to make sure there's no, you know, fucking dough smelling balls and then get it out and then I'd have to lie flat on a bed and just let my chubbiness rest and then push it down.

I mean, it's just so much that it's an operation. It's an operation, it's not a good piece anymore. I don't have a good piece and I know we're going dirty now, but seriously, I was thinking about this the other day, now, but seriously, I was thinking about this the other day, it's sad that my sex days are over. My good, fun, awful sex days are over. I'm not going to do any more weird shit. There's no more anything what my butt happened in, because I don't know what it looks like up

there. There's no more randomness anymore. No girl. There's no girl that really wants to fuck around. And if she does, you know, this is something I put her, you know, I'm a little like, what's up, you know, and I guess sex is just with my wife now, which is, you know, it's fine. It's cool, but it's, you know, it's not, I mean, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? What are we going to do? We're not going to do anything crazy

anymore. Donald's telling her to go fuck myself. Yeah. You know, she's her hamstrings are dead. You know, I mean, just fucking awful. I have to send her to therapy, you know, just to get her legs in shape enough to stay on top for more than a minute and a half before she goes, ah, you know, she's almost 50 Her knees are given out It's just it sucks. It sucks. And I wish You know, I look back on all the stuff we did because we had a lot of we lived in a very good sex time Yeah, the 90 80s and 90s and early 2000s. Thank God Girls were into crazy shit like guys.

I've been jerking off lately with my dick soft. Just to do. It's like a gummy worm and I'm just shaking it and come is getting all over my side. It's fucking awful. Why? I'm just doing it. Like literally soft.

Why? And I'm an asshole. It's just it's soft I'm just trying to talk it's like where you got a tug and yet a grab under the helmet I just tug like that like what are you trying to just not eat just go have some soup I mean go do something else. I just want to calm and I'm just like but why do what is the come thing? It's it when you come I mean what what like what is that? What I mean, what is it to some people it's a beverage? Speaking of beverages, I have to do this the app quick. All right, listen now open wicked good wholesome furniture come in

and wicked good deals will Be bestowed upon you right now wicked good wholesome furniture. They have brand names at 70% off You believe 75 minute what he's giving it away. What else 70% that's amazing off regular retail prices. They carry Ashley Catnapper Jackson universal nation wide and so much more furniture for all your rooms in the house bedroom dining room living room Game room every goddamn room 80% off all brand name mattresses too and the best memory foam prices in the tri-state area, dude. Now, don't be wicked, pissing, get your smile ass over here. And just see what they got. It's over there in Phillipsburg, bridge, right over the Phillipsburg bridge. They're located at 316, town, center, boulevard, eastern PA, eastern. I love that little town. What a good little fucking town. That is dude

Also check out their website wickedgoodfairnature.com. I'll just get my call 610-438-4829 mention the podcast you know what dude and get free delivery and free setup And they they look forward to seeing you over there. So get over there wicked, good wholesome fan itchy, your back and clock suckers. Eastern Pennsylvania is where Larry Holmes is from. Is it really? Yeah, and these to be a strip club across the bridge in Phillipsburg, New Jersey called the Boxcar.

What an awful gig they did comedy. It was like totally nude strip club and you could bring your own liquor Jesus and there's like biker gangs. They used to hang out and bring their own chairs to And fuck do you do a Thursday Friday Saturday because the bouncer's got sick of the dancers And they just wanted comedy you have to do four ten minutes sets in front of the same audience One at seven one at eight one at nine one at ten you that. You better eight, nine, 10, and 11, you just... It was horrible. And you did it.

I did it. It wasn't even a lot of money, it was like 500 bucks for three nights, like total. Did you get tips like the strippers? No, I don't know anything I ever fucked one of them. I might have hit on a few. I got a few lap dances, but I don't even think I ever pulled a stripper out of there.

You walked out of there with 28 bucks? Yeah, because you fucked me. I threw it right back in. Yeah. Oh my God. I stink with dancers. I never had a rap for dancers ever. I never had a rap for dancers except for one.

I got one. I was Jesus Christ. Okay, I was at a strip club. The cabaret, root one and Boston. They had the downtown strip clothes and they had one on root one. The gold of banana was the big, you know, crazy one. Cabaret was the rocker one. This microphone fucking blows by the way. He keeps falling down. I hate this. What? Okay. I know. How about a knife to fix it now? Maybe.

Uh, no, thanks. Um, it keeps going down on me, um, like my penis. No, I know my wife feels. Um, yeah, the cabaret was the rock and roll one. And, uh, I wonder when I, I fucking hate strip clubs. I never liked them. I don't, I go there. My friends would love to go.

I don't like spending money. I don't, I don't like gambling. I don't like any of there. My friends would love to go. I don't like spending money. I don't, I don't like gambling. I don't like any of that shit where I'm just throwing money out the window. I'd rather buy some horse shit. I'd rather buy a gadget or something like that that I have. And we, we come in, stripping, you know, all that shit goes, goes on that shit

back in the day. And then all of a sudden the whole place goes quiet. And the lights them and a ballet song came on. And I was like, what the fuck is it? We're all looking around. And this girl came out and did this interpretive dance. She was beautiful, blonde, but not like young, almost middle age, like maybe, you know, all the other chicks like 22, 23. She's like maybe, you know, all the other chicks, like 22, 23, she's like 31, maybe between 31 and 35. Blonde girl, short hair, show the length, like short hair, little titties, like little titties.

Ah! I know, came out and did this fucking dance and blew everybody away. Like when she was done, we were all stunned. Like we just saw like a circus o'lay type of show. Sure. We all put money up. It was like just ones and tens and twenties up

all over the fucking frame of the stage. By the way, how sad is that? You saw what she wanted her life to be. She wanted to be a ballet dancer and you saw what she wanted it to be. And like this is where she was using it. Yeah, and here's a dollar. Yeah. Hurry up and snatch it up because the other girls coming back up. As soon as the other girl came out, we all took our money back. Whoever whoever did, if she didn't, well, whoever's money that she didn't

take, the other girl came out and we took our money back. Like, fuck you, you're not just getting that. And so I think it was like two months later I go to acting class, guess it was in my acting class. Ah. And in my teacher put us together and we wound up hucking up and it was one of the best sexual experience. Do you tell you saw her in the club? No, I'm not a fucking moron. No, she knew. She knew that I knew she was a stripper,

but she didn't know that I had a moment. I didn't wanna be like, I saw you dance, and it was amazing. You affected me. She was like, I'm fucking pussy. Like the end of six cents, she says she saw you dance. I said, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking,

I remember we, I fucked it up so bad. I was sitting, we had sex. And we had sex in my roommates bed because I was fucking living on a pop-a-son. Remember the pop-a-sons from Pier One? No. It was like a round, it was like a bamboo bed. It was round.

Yeah, I got a deal on a pop-a-son. So I had that as my bed for a while. It was just terrible. Couldn't fuck on it. Yeah, those things. Oh, God. But I had a bigger one, I had a bigger my bed for a while. It was just terrible. Couldn't fuck on it. Yeah, those things. Oh, God. But I had a bigger one. I had a bigger pop-a-son.

And I remember I was fucking in my roommates bed. But he had a, I think he had a, like the springs were just ridiculous. So I was fucking, we were fucking and shoot. But bounce and then bounce back into me. So I couldn't get a rhythm. So I was, I know I was banging her awful. Yeah. And, uh,

and then, uh, I had this thing around my neck of rings from other girls. And she goes, what's that? I go, this is rings from these girls I used to date. And, um, it was like three rings on at the time. And then the next time we started, she gave me a ring. And I was like, oh, thanks. And I put it on there. And it was, she like, oh thanks, and I put it on there. And then she was testing me to see if I put it on there. Like I was one of those girls. Like she wanted me to go, no, you're not that. You know what I mean?

And she never talked to me again, I was so sad. And the later I talked to her and she was like, yeah, you put that ring on your necklace and I was just one of those girls. I was like, no, you weren't. You were the hottest chick I ever dated. I would have fucking, I would have come to you and left it and married you and lived happily ever after.

We could have done a real estate together in Boston and been moguls by now and had some stupid boat and you could have had fucking, I mean, all kinds of great shit and our kids would be awesome and they'd know things and you know, we'd be able to do weird sex and you know, like it able to do weird sex and you like it as you can mom with her pussy smell like fingernails. So what? Yeah. I'm stuck.

I'm now with a poll act that Devotouch is my dick. Bitch goes to sleep at 8. Fucking hairs up all the time. I'm going to do. She sleeps on a fucking bump bag with an eight year old, more than she sleeps with me. I'm with a Bernadoodle fucking getting farts in my face all night. God damn it. No, I love dawn. I love her. But you know, the things we could have had, even think back at the girl, the one that got away.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but again, I also, I Also, I what they call you for a recall. I do that if I like jerk off to old pictures or texts Which I've deleted because I was I realized like oh, yeah, this girl was so fucking sexy How did I blow this but then I'm like? No, no, but when you were with her you didn't want it to be more You had this chance and you didn't want it. Not that I didn't like her, but I was either too addicted to newness or we didn't get along like that or whatever.

Like I idealized it when I look back, but no, because if I wanted that, I would have done that. Like that's how it is with that girl. Like you could have made that work if you really wanted to. I did, dude. I didn't know it was being tricked into some necklace horse shit. Yeah. I know she was fucking pulling a, you know, bang, but I mean, look, if I want to put her, I remember when I went to her house, too, though, she had this above her little mock fireplace,

this guy with like a six pack shredded in like, it looked like marquee mark in that Calvin Klein ad. And I'm like, what'd you get this cheap arch? She goes, that's my ex-boyfriend. I was like, holy shit. And then I looked at me and I was, I mean, I was in okay shape, but I've never looked like that. Right, right, right. That's like my, I was like, that would be my goal to look like that.

I mean, I was just pretty much straight with no horse shit. And, you know, I'm going for a bid. I was one of what she looks like now. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's probably just the same. Yeah, she's probably hot, but. You know, she's 51. Yeah, I always look at, you know,

I feel bad for girls that like see me now. Why? Ah, just dude. I mean, if you see me back when I was 20, even 30, I was, I mean, Jesus Christ, dude. Yeah, I saw our photo the other day. I was with three girls in the photo. And full hair.

I was just gorgeous back in Boston. And all three girls in the photo, we were together sexually. Yeah. We did weird shit with. And those days are gone. Yeah, like that. It's just, it's not. But at least you had them. You know, at least I had the experiences I had

or you had them. A lot of people never have those experiences. A lot of guys date one or two women and never, they never get to try that stuff and realize, so at least you got to experience it. Yeah, I want to get a shirt with all the variations of me. I mean, look at the size of that head. It's a funny shirt. Yeah, just all this Puerto Rican Bob, this happy comedian, but I'm looking down the bottom. There's Puerto Rican Bob this happy comedian Bob look down the bottom this fucking There's no down the left look at the left one. I won't read behind to shoot people in a theater Bob I look at that one. I mean who would take that? I want to find that guy and just break his camera

I mean Norton what the fuck yeah, that's a funny shirt though. Yeah, I'm gonna get all the variations of my stupid head. Yeah, that's a great idea. Yeah, I guess, and it's weird too because you should have one on each shirt as well. What do you mean? Fat Bob, pretty Bob, ugly Bob, make each shirt a variation of you just kind of joking about yourself. Yeah, intense Bob.

Yeah, there's sexy Bob, right Bob. Sexy Bob was over there. Look at sexy Bob. Where's sexy Bob? Over to the left. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down. Right there, that's sexy. That's a Celtery Bob. Is that Celtery Bob?

Yes, Celtery Bob. Oh, look at, look at the other Bob though. Look at sexy Bob, finger Bob. Yeah, finger point Bob. Yeah, and then there's Puerto Rican Bob. There's essay Bob up up, see there right in the middle with the hat, not that hat. No, that's that's Cuban Bob. Yeah, that's that's Puerto Rican Bob. There's this Cuban Bob's right over there with the shirt. It's so funny. Yeah, even if you sold one who cares,

it's funny to have this fat magician Bob in the middle. Ta-da. That's fucking piece of shit. I made numbers on the scale. I'm sorry. Look at that. Look at go up. Have you seen it? There's magicians. Look at the, look at the meeting.

That's the FX one. Look at me. Oh God. That's funny, man. Yeah. There's many variations. Oh God. That's a Comic Con. You want to get that one too by the way. The acting one down right there. Fucking Sphinx Bob. Oh that dude. That's that's that's a romantic league Bob. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's

Dylan. That's Dylan Bob. That's romantic lead. Look at that. I remember they my hair. Look at my hair on that. It's gorgeous. It's okay. What are you talking about? Go back, go back, you don't think, look at that, click on that. That's my first movie I ever did.

Second movie. That's last night at Eddie's. I'm huge in Taiwan. Right there, look at that. Look at Bob, sexy Bob. I remember that fucking thing. I lost 30 pounds to do that movie. Wow.

30 pounds in a month. 30 pounds in a month, the director said, you are the guy, but you're too fat to be a romantic lead. And I go, just give me a month, I'll do it. He goes, I'm gonna do it. I'll give you a month. And I came in with a six pack. Wow.

A month later, he goes, did you do a roids or steroids? You do a, I go, no, I just fucking, I started running the night I left here. I started running and I could only run a half a mile without dying. And then I just by the end of it, I could run five miles. I was just running and eating chicken, eating oranges, chicken, and vegetables for a month.

And I came back and shredded. It's such a fucking thing with weight. Did you gain weight during the year? No, I did. Look at me, I just wanted you to say it. Of course I did. I put on, not as much as I thought I put on 12 pounds. I thought I put on more.

It was just all in my neck and it's, I was trying to talk about it on stage tonight that it sucks that weight gain. It's not, it's not a fair thing. Like we never gain weight in your dick. You don't get your genitals stay the same. You never see just a fat pussy or just a big fucking a one or a fat of fat to your ears.

Never gain weight. So you just get this big fat hand with you, a little tiny fucking ears that is supposed to be on your feet. Fat people's feet always just stay little when they point out too. Yeah, they're just a little fat foot. It just stops right at the ankle. And then you get this little, you know,

size seven woman's foot with a fucking 900 pounds above it. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're right. I did put a little bit on, but I don't really care. I care a little, I want to lose 12. I don't want to get emaciated like I was. I look at old pictures and I look like fucking, I look like somebody in a hospital bed in some of those pictures.

Dude, 12 pounds for me. I mean, I haven't had a car or a sugar in a month. And I was so sad today. I mean, I went to meet Louis and Joe list and Sarah at a diner. They were like, meet us over at the diner, the Waverly diner. I walked in and there was somebody else sitting at the table. So the booth had four people. So I sat at the two booths right across from them. I sat down and I couldn't fit in the booth. I had to sit sideways. I just went fuck this and I got up and left.

Be left? I just left. I didn't say anything. They were texting me, hey, come back. Well, we'll get a bigger table. I'm like, where? Where, what are you gonna do? You're gonna call an engineer to fucking unwell the table

from the floor. I just left. It's just, it's the hardest. I mean, there's fat Norton, Jesus Christ, Jim. You lost a lot of weight, dude. Yeah, at one point I was a pig. Dude, oh, shh. That doesn't even look like you.

Look at the one to the left, down the left, down the thing. You know, not that one, you know which one. I mean, what the fuck do you do that? Yeah, I was a real fucking blubber neck. I mean, I mean, yeah, it's been there was fucking A.D. Jim in that long sleeve shirt. Where's that? Oh, yeah? You look fantastic in that. I know. I know. I like that. Oh my god. What was that when you were doing the whole 30? Yeah, that's when I was really skinny. I was almost a little too skinny there like I a little bit away like like when you see that

light blue shirt top right by I miss that I'm too skinny in that picture. My head looks weird. What do you mean? Like I feel like I'm too skinny in that picture. I don't like how that looks. I don't know. I thought you look, I think you look pretty good in that picture. I mean, you're better than that blue shirt underneath it. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, Jesus Christ, that's who you're supposed to be. My mouth looks bad. My mouth looks stupid. That's the guy you're supposed to be working in a convenience store and somewhere in Jersey. And your mom comes in. Can you bring me back some cigarettes? Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, oh, look at the one over there. The one over there left. Go left. Keep going. Right? No, you know, back. No, no, right there. No, right there. Right there. I mean, who the fuck takes these pictures? Yeah, I, right there. No, right there. Right there. I mean, who the fuck takes these pictures? Yeah, I don't know.

You should be able to sue them. I mean, the fucking guy who took that, whoever that piece of shit is, and then he did a filter on it, so he could really, but he does be in favor though, because I can remember what a pig I look like. I mean, look at the contrast he put in the photo for your neck. I mean, there's so much contrast. I mean, you're a photographer.

This guy's an asshole. This guy fucked him. He could have lighten that up on the neck. Yeah, the neck looks like a brick wall behind him. Fucking Christ. All right, listen, we're gonna go into the extra overtime right now. I want to continue to talk about your characters.

Because I wanna find out where the fuck this is going. And people think that I'm joking around when I hate Chip. Yeah. And they think that maybe my my disdain for Doug. Bell is somehow you know, I dug bell. I want to talk to you about it. It's affecting my life. It's affecting my shows.

Yeah. And I know this is going to be this is going to hurt me. What I should do is keep my mouth shut, but I'm not. I'm going to talk to you about it. I want to thank everybody who tuned in. I want to make sure you go to Mike Vswarez, check him out. He's going to be traveling all over the country. Where are you going to be Mike? I'll be in August 12 through 14. I'll be with you at the Copy Connection in Monroe, Rhode Island. The next week, I'll be at the Lafayette Lab to say Antonio and the week after that I'll be at the Creek of the Cave in Austin with Bridge Vos and then side splitters with you in September.

And where am I going to be? You're going to be next week, the copy of the collection and... I said funny. to be next week. East comedy connection and I said funny. Because I said it twice. Oh, did you say yours or mine? Did you say mine? I said I was going to be with you.

I'm saying you're for me. This is for me. Yeah. Okay. No, I just felt silly. No, don't be silly. That shows all about. And then you're going to be in the Philadelphia punchline.

There's a August 26th through the 28th. Comedy work, Sarah Turgut Springs, September 2nd through the 4th. And again, side splitter, September 10th through the 12th. There you go. Robacadlieve.com. Go to comicwearables.com. Check out all our merchandise. You can get the Mike Cald to shirt, the Cald through and Kelly stickers. They get Dan Soder up there. We should make a Norton. You want a Norton shirt? Spick any shirt? I already have shirts.

Look at the, oh, look at that one, click on that one. What's that right there? What's that right there? What's that say? No, in the middle one. Right there, what does that say? Lower stock. Limited stock, not lower stock.

What's that say? Oh, F dog bell shirt. Yeah. Oh, there you go get yourself a nice one of those fucking shirts sister paying everything YKWD YKWD hat All that stuff is up there culture and Kelly you got the pancake Sunday little package deal Comicribles dot com go check it out get you stuff We're under the shell give you a big hug. How's that?

And make sure what else Jim Norton? What do you got going on? Where are your shows? I don't know. Just Madison in two weeks and 13th, 14th, whoever else. I don't even know. Madison was constant. You other year, you have to go check him out.

Uh, I had a blast, man. I'm glad you came on tonight. Very fun and, uh, very hungry. I know you look under. I can tell you your blood sugar dies. Yeah, why don't we eat dinner somewhere? Right now? Yeah.

Where? I don't know, find a place, New York. Yeah, that's great. Let's go. Bye, you dinner. All right, we'll eat healthy though. I'm eating healthy. Even though I don't look like I'm eating healthy.

It's 10.15, let's see what's open. All right, we'll see what's open. Jim Norton, Jim Norton.com, go for the air for all of this stuff. Go to his website, his YouTube, check out the Chip Chippers and podcasts. I don't want to promote Doug Bell, but he's on Chip's podcast. On the podcast. On the podcast. What is it?

The bell cast. Fuckin' hate him. Yeah. I hate that he gave me a nickname. Yeah. I hate that the fans glom on to it. The shirts, the people love the shirts. The shirts are everywhere.

Yeah. I looked out in the crowd and the face is like, the whole shirt. Fucking stinks. All right, listen, we gotta read these names. Can you read these names as Doug? I don't have the hat, but it would just be Alex Burgos. To be tree, I know a guy named to be tree. Oh, God, it's gonna take too long. I can't do it as Doug. Oh Dimitri

I know a guy named Dimitri. Oh god. It's gonna take too long. I can't do it. It's dark. I mean chip Dimitri fucking sagonus but Fucking Rodrick Lee Wells. What do you fucking got water in you with something? Jesus Christ fucking Sean Ryan? or anything. Jesus Christ. Fucking Sean Ryan. John P. Who's your best friend? Fucking Jeff shit. Fucking Robert Cordova. Alejandro fucking what are you a lady Gaga song or something? Yeah, they always just leave you wanting don't they? Yeah, it's it Alejandro Raste pro or rest Crep oh I Hately capitalize the last name. I I fucking hate chips. Oh, we're to do without the wig

It's weird to do. You say that. I know. All right, everybody, make sure you check out. I thanks all the Patreon members. I mean, remember this last 25, so minutes was for you only. Robert Kelly, patreon.com. Sash Robert Kelly.

Hope you guys enjoyed watching this live. Go to YouTube. Make sure you click subscribe. Hit the subscribe button if you're on YouTube I'm we should have done this before the subscribe ship. We didn't do it anyways And if you're a patreon member please spread the word tell everybody about it. Yep come see me live robacabra Live dot com. I'll be at the comedy connection in Rhode Island coming up. I'm going to the pillie Philly punchline I am also going to with the fuck Atlantic City's coming up

I'm gonna be in Connecticut's coming up I have so many shows coming up go to my website and come see me fucking live Make sure you also go check out call turn Kelly on the thing and Mike Vswaras will be with me in the comedy Can actually make sure you check out at bite Mike Vswaras Nicole. What do you got? My answer is Nicole C lions Lions, my website is NicoleLions.co. Yeah, check her out for any production needs. You might need it for a little podcast you are out there and we got little max behind there too, right? Yeah, I have a monthly show at Mel's Burgers on the Upper East Side.

It's going to be the last Wednesday of the month. Yeah, I mean, if you have nothing else to do, go check that out. No, I'm going to be the last Wednesday of the month. Yeah, I mean, if you're if you have nothing else to do, go check that out. Um, no, I'm kidding. Go check out, of course, uh, my boy Seth last ex witness. Check him out. I mean, I'm telling you, if you have any needs, go to his, uh, YouTube page, go to his Instagram, go to his, uh, his, his, his, what the fuck is it called? Fletch.

Twitch. This guy is, he's the one who set me up. The lighting, the camera, he, I mean, everything made me look the way I look. Made we, uh, this was really endorsement, but not physically. Oh, let me sound like a whore right now. Like, uh, no, he's, I'm, I'm trying to give you a plug back the fuck off. I mean, get on, don't ruin your own plug stupid. Fucking goddamn camera guys don't know

when to shut the fuck up. Yeah, he, you comedies don't want to make yourselves look good. So yeah, I'm trying to help you. I'm fucking cut. Relax. This is a problem. This is a fucking problem. Breathe.

We're ending the show stupid. Fucking asshole jumps in now. I, yeah, he the show stupid. Oh, fucking asshole. Jump sin now. Yeah, he's fucking, I mean, fuck him. No, fuck him. No, fuck himself. There you go. Oh, what the fuck is that?

Anyways, check him out. If you need anything, if you want to fucking look good and you're on the internet, you need to check him out. Last ex-witness on everything. He is the motherfucker. Even though he's kind of a cunt right now. What are you gonna say? Go ahead, say something.

Thank you so much Robert. That's much better, I like that. Know what, and I love you buddy. That's it right? All right, check it out. We'll see you guys next week. You know what, dude? you've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening.

Now go back to your shitty jobs. you