Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Jim Norton, Rich Vos | Bathing Suit Pockets

Episode Date: February 22, 2021

This week Jim Norton and Rich Vos join Robert Kelly to talk about the Patrice O'Neal documentary "Killing is Easy" and share some of their favorite stories of one of their best friends. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Si no, por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

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Our guest is so fun and crazy. And as a rule, he'll help you ruin this. We're the poor man of heaven. Sorry. It's not any podcast. This is an NPR. That's the Tornado.

Is there any better show? This need reaches the fridge. It's a good show. You know what, dude? Welcome back to another episode of You Know What, Dude. You know what, dude. I should do it with it English accent. Hello, I'm Bobby and you know what, dude. It's back for another week and we got fantastic guests on tonight. Seeming I sure I'm gonna take a couple shots, but it's gonna be well worth it for my fucking fans the ladybugs So let's give it up first for my Dubious friend Jim Norton. Hello Jim. You should call it a you know what led if you're gonna

If you're gonna do with that. I said you know it, you know what lad? If you're going to, if you're going to do it with that, I said, you know what lad? You know what lad? Yeah, you know what lad? You know what? Speaking of, speaking of cunts, let's introduce my next guest, Rich fucking voice, the cunt. There's no need for that. And there shouldn't be any us still be throughout this show because there's no reason it doesn't look like silly putty. You want to stick them on the comics. I wouldn't be anybody in this room.

Why am I getting it? I didn't. I'm saying we've paralyzed it. What was I going to do just attack him? But don't fucking lump me with him just because you look like silly putty. You look like one of those cushions on the couch behind you Back it was amazing without even blinking and I like you send an audition Listen this can we stop thoughts this way you coming in hot like you always do. Yeah, we stop boss sure This is what you're coming in hot, like you always do. Can we stop thoughts? Sure, just hold up a book. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Fucking the, oh. How come I can't look in full screen, by the way, in this fucking ludicrous program. Oh, my God. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll God. Oh, I see it. There you go. My eyes are going. So anyways, I want to have you guys on good. I'm glad you came on Jim boss is always on. I'm glad you came up quite a lot of us and Gabby, welcome to the show and mousas in his car right now in a parking lot in the snowstorm in San Antonio, don't ask Houston like you know, they're just crippled if they get more than one inch of snow. It's fucking It's crazy guys and so many people go down there Hey, I'm gonna go to Texas and play golf or do whatever and a warm weather. Ha ha. Fuck them. That's what I'm saying

and play golf or do whatever and a warm weather. Ha, ha, fuck them. That's what I'm saying. You know, it's worse stuck up here in the cold. I haven't heard of anybody saying they're going to Texas to play golf. I'm sure they do. But I've always heard Florida. I'm going to Palm Beach.

I've never heard anyone say I'm going to shoot down Dallas. Yeah, they go to Texas to shoot people. Not play golf. Well, I don't know. A lot of them move down there to help their careers. But the thing is a lot of people do go to Texas to play. Can we just, can we just get it out of us? You are mad that everybody's moving to Austin because Joe Rogan,

Joe Rogan set out the call. All the funny comics and you didn't hear it. Yep. Move to Austin. And you got everybody moving the Yannis, Tim, Tony Hingecliff, everyone going down there? They're all moving to Austin. Rogan is down there.

And they're gonna fucking take over that town. And Vost, are you making noise? What is that noise? No, that's not me. I gathered that was mush. That was mush eating the fucking chicken sandwich from Popeyes. No, it's a graduate. The sound. Anyways, um, it's coming out of your mic. What is that noise? It's somebody typing. Who's typing? It's rich. It's somebody typing. Who's typing? It's rich. I guess he's got that fucking...

Boss has typing posture. He's got that fucking... That's a typing posture. First of all, first of all, mush, is that you? Mush. Mush. Mush. I know. He's popping on his phone, Mike. That's what the clicking noise is coming from.

Who's talking about that? That's the only mic I can use on my phone. You have a fuck, a year into a fucking pandemic. Yes. And you have a computer with a microphone, a professional microphone. I see you using it. And you're fucking always using stupid phone. That's where you're wrong. First of all, you told me to use my phone because it comes in better. Second of all, the computer doesn't pick up a phone yard or whatever

fuck your use. You told me to use the phone last time. I'll take the phone upstairs that will probably be, but it's not scratching it. If it happens again, I'll take it upstairs with the is better. I don't like your hands directly in camera. Your finger is offensive. It's offensive to all little people all over the world. It's like, her baby village has his corpse.

That's what Vos's finger looks like. Look at her. And they have the same hat. I'm saying the same gun. They have the same hat. I'm saying the same gun. Bobby, they have the same career. Bobby, when bathing, shoot, shopping today, we're successful. You know what?

This is fucking out of line that you bring me up because I brought this up. I brought this up, Jim, here, this is my boss is such a piece of shit. I just jerseys trash. I brought this up to him today because I was very fucked up that I tried on all my bathing suits from last year. You tried them on in front of your horrible mirror. Get out of here. Why?

Dude, you can find one easily. Don't ask her, don't give real advice after a joke bomb. Yeah, don't let a joke bomb in and give real. But all kidding aside, they are for sale, everywhere. What do you like in a bathing suit? I like the ones with pockets. And that's boss. That's boss.

You should use as a promo for Uncle Vinnie's. I had to go. Thank you, mush. I had to go to, I had to go to the ex out. Go ahead. Sorry. I had to go to the ex out today and get new base Because my wife, she always does this to me. She puts out clothes that she knows don't fucking fit anymore. And she'd be like, you need to try those on. I need to try them on. So I'll feel like shit, because they don't fit.

And I'll get angry and sad and suicidal. And I get mad. And then you're gonna go, just go to DXL and get some new stuff. What's the deal? Why don't I just go get fucking new clothes? The excel is fat guy store or keep the ex keep your shit and make yourself lose weight to get into that.

I try not to buy bigger clothes because I put weight on too but I'm like fucking I'm just gonna feel like a pile of shit. Right. So I drop enough to wear this. Jim I'm leaving Thursday the only way it would fit is if I got a knife. Oh, well, that's right, you're going to Aruba. I'm going to Aruba Thursday. It's not, whatever will power I have,

unless I did heroin for the next three days, it's not going to fight, I can fit. How far off was it from fitting? Was it a little snug or like, no, this is not until August. This one doesn't go back on until August. If I dropped a hundred, I'd have to leave it. I know, some of my pants since the pandemic don't, and it's, you know, what are you going to do? You know, you're not as active now. That's the problem, you know, no, it's not, it's not that long. I hate serious boss. I do too.

I hate serious boss. I do. It's a lot of losses. What is this angle? Why? Why are you like over here? You just go in the middle. It's fucking a year into a pandemic. And you still don't know how to do this exactly.

I like you run the road and just go in the middle. How did you not fix it? Yeah. So, you know, I actually, I'll tell you, I was watching the Patrice O'Neill documentary is coming out the 19th. This week, do not watch the first airing on Comedy Central. I was told to tell people, do not watch the first airing. It is a edited version. It's not the version that Mike Bonfidlio and Billy Burr and all those created because they can't cut into the office, so they have to edit it down. Watch the digital version on the

digital platform or watch any other airing of the documentary, which would be the full, uh, uh, uh, uh, a block that they met it made. So, what is this? The full block. Yeah. Air the full doc on Comedy Central. Is that never or just not? No, every, did I just, every, every airing after the first one will be the full one.

That first night, they can't cut into the office because of money and whatever, you know what I mean? Yeah. But, you know, watching the doc, it really fucking scared the shit out of me. Because last year I really put an effort into losing weight. I lost almost 50 pounds. I went from 336 down to 289.

I was working out, doing great. And then I fucking took this addiction for granted again. And thanksgiving rolled around. And I want a beating. And then I want a beating again. And then by now, I'm so afraid to step on a fucking scale. Are you back to where you were or no? I don't know Jim. I don't even want to look. and then by now I'm so afraid to step on a fuck as you are. You were no.

I don't know Jim. I don't even want to look. I don't even want to look, but I feel like I am. But then when I watch this documentary, I'm like, one of my friends is dead. The other one had a stroke. The other one had a heart attack. The other one's fucking, you know, 60 fucking three, you know,

and has anxiety and chest pains. The other one, you know, and has anxiety and chest pains. The other one, you know, is never gonna die. He's a really good, just physically looks like he's dying. Wait, you say three, 36. Yeah. Hold on. Are you playing those numbers? You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight.

You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight.

You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. You're doing the numbers of my weight. for a five-month show. Yeah, so if you get back from a rubah, have a good time in a rubah, then just get...

No, no, you don't even have a good time in a rubah. I'm not having a good time in a rubah. I'm not having a good time. It started today. I watched that documentary, and I couldn't... I had to keep stopping it. I had to keep stopping it. There's so many moments in that dark.

There's a couple of things I never knew, and I actually talked to Patrice's mom today for a while. God, do I love talking to her? Yeah. She makes me laugh so much. And she, you know, I asked her a couple of things. I was like, is that real? Did that happen? And she's like, I'm pretty sure it did. Yeah, it happened. So there's, you know, everything in the documentary is legit and real. It wasn't created for some storyline. Because there was one moment in particular that I fucking, I just was blubbering. And, you know, he knew. You know, he knew it.

Yeah, I don't know if I've saw the moment you're talking about. I watched the first few minutes and I perused it a little bit. I haven't sat down and watched the whole thing. I watched pieces of the whole thing. I have anger set that was the whole thing. You know, Bobby Sainte, he knew it kind of just like thin. Well, you know, a drug addict saying, oh, I know there's not a good ending to this.

You know what I mean? You said that about your set. That's what I, That's what I... I was... It was northwards here so we could fix the lighting in my room. So, you know, but knowing it and in denial, knowing it and being in denial and rationalizing, you know what I mean?

Yeah. It's a whole different thing. You know, it was, yeah, I know, but see, it's just, you know, it's just a scary thing that he tried. And for the last couple of years of his life, he really tried. He really tried. He put the effort in. He was a vegan for what?

Three years. Three years, he was a... Oh, is it three years? He's a vegetarian, was a vegan for what? Three years, three years, he was a, was it three years? Jesus vegetarian, not a vegan vegetarian. Well, even still, I mean, to cut out, you know, but you could be a vegetarian, any cake and pie. But if you're a vegan, you're not even cake and pie. And he was a vegan for two years, maybe a vegetarian for another year.

Okay. Yeah. Well, whatever he is, anyways, I don't want to talk about all that said shit. I want to talk about, I mean, I just brought up so many fucking stories when we were him, when we were at the funeral, Keith does it really well.

When we were at the funeral, why, can I stop for a second? What do you like this? Go ahead, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a certain topic. I thought we were just talking about the trees. No, it's not, I'm so excited about what you're gonna say. It's the fact that you fucking put your camera back

over here. Oh, sorry. You're a technical moron. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you're still there. Why can't you put it in the middle? You're a technical moron. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you're still there.

Why can't you put it in the middle? I mean, just why? Well, you know what? If you're watching this, just go over to the opposite side of me. So it looks like I'm in the middle. Amazing. The irony of a light switch when you know there's not going to be any bright ideas. I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I And we're standing after a funeral. And I guess in the back and all the way,

I think it was Will, Keith, you might have been there. And Rock is sitting there going, you gotta eat your vegetables. Like we're fucking all like half fucking crying and depressed. And Chris is standing by my coffin given off tips. Yeah. It's so funny. Keith doesn't do it.

It's so funny. Galee, you're vegetable. And I'm like, what the fuck? You remember the time? Do you remember the time when we did the, um, the ONA virus tour? Yeah. Do you remember how fucking terrified you were when you got to the thing and the show started? And as people started getting out, will you?

I was, I was, I maybe weren't Jim, I was fucking terrified every show. Yes. Because of the lineup. And I always had to go up after Patrice, which made me sick to my stomach. And I mean, they love Patrice. All the fanbass, the ONA fanbase loved Patrice. They fucking loved him. I mean, they embraced him and they shouldn't have. I mean, you think about it. It's a bunch of, mainly a bunch of rock and roll white dudes, but that he was so funny, they love comedy so much that they were like, fucking, he's the best.

And they embraced him and he would go up and murder and I would just be shitting my pants backstage. That had to be crazy to follow. I mean, you have to close those comments come home too, but follow up a tree's had to be the most nerve wracking thing on that tour. That's true. Sure, because you never knew when you were going to go on. It was like within a two-hour period. By even over. He was the worst, too. Even at the salad. No, it closed those shows, all of them.

No, no, no, no, no, all of them. I did, I closed the one that bill in Philly. I closed that one, but I closed it. It might have been one more I closed it. I closed it. I know, I know, I actually closed one. Rogan closed one in the fucking in Vegas. And I forget who else.

Did Bruea close one? No. I don't know. the fucking in Vegas and I forget who else Brue, did Brue close one? No, I don't know. Yeah, I better remember. I Didn't know Rogan did one and I remanse because he went out to booze and then turned it around and they and they liked him by the end of a set That was New Jersey. Yeah, that was at the Garden State Art Center. That was really impressive because That was New Jersey, yeah. That was at the Garden State Art Center. That was really impressive because the promoter said, you have to have Carlos so he can help pull in tickets. And we liked him. I mean, this was after the whole scandal,

but we still liked Carlos. And they killed man. It was impressive to watch a guy who they were starting to give a hard time to starting. Yeah, I mean, boo. Yeah, chanting. Yeah. They were chanting booing him. Did I? And then he fucking, he gave it. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body.

He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body.

He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body.

He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. He had a lot of blood on his body. You know, he would, you tell, you say that and give some fucking monologue that they would listen. And as soon as he got him to listen, he would tell a joke and get him to laugh. That a couple times. And then all of a sudden, he was killing it. So you got to give it up.

Did Dane cook close to me or James Moore? Dane was never on him. No. I mean, I know. No, I know. D damn was doing 20,000 seaters at that time by himself. I know Lewis Black and Brian Wigan closed two of them. I don't know. Did they? Yeah. Yeah. I remember the bus. I think Brian Wigan or Lewis Black had their tour bus there. We did two summers. They were so much fun. All of us, you got to go put you, you

got to go get your headphones, you got to go get your computer sign out. It's down. Tare clicking is fucking killing everything. This is going to be a great podcast, but it's your clicking is. Sign out and come back in. I'm going to go upstairs and see if I can. I feel like your turtle feet walking. Yeah, me and Norton will carry the shell to you. Come back. Don't walk us upstairs. Sign out. I'm going to go upstairs and see if I can do this on my computer.

Oh, can you just do it on your computer? And I've never wanted to see a camera go backwards so badly. The fact that he's making us go through this real time. Yeah, it's crazy. Just hang up. And I'm going to be in the corner pack. Hold on. He's a phrase that hang up. Hang up. Hang up. Hang up and just sign back on on your computer. Well, you don't hear the clicking now. It's one of the reasons.

We hear it now. We still hear it. It's wrong. It sounds like your little fingers on a keyboard. Yeah. It's something that a velociraptor is typing. We hear it. It sounds like your little fingers on a keyboard. Yeah. Sounds like a velociraptor is typing. We hate it. Are you putting on your headphones that aren't plugged into the phone that you're on? Go on my computer. He wants to make a seamless switch because he's afraid that people won't answer for him when he calls back. Of course, we're going to answer. Why would we not answer? I mean, please, how many reasons do you need? Why would we not? Do you have any petri stories that you remember that a

any favorite? Yeah, most of them are hooker stories. Or what? You got to hold this with him with petri? Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. In Brazil, watching him make Decker- girl have an orgasm and squirt. Oh, God. I was holding her hands. Yeah.

And she was like laughing and then she came. She got, I was an awe of him when he pulled that off. I was in awe. Dude, I was holding her hands because she was like, please hold my hands. She wanted something, well, she had no orgasm to squeeze. Yeah. And she dug her fingers into my hand, and I was like, I have AIDS.

I have AIDS. I just got a hooker fingernail into my, the thing she jerks guys off with is in, the her blood is in my finger now. I'm dying of AIDS. You know, I might have thought I had AIDS too. I went back to one of those places that I would go to and I had sex with the other one second.

Gabby closed you down, I'm not going to talk. She was about to help me. Because she's like this. Oh, because you guys say insane shit. And then I say, you'll father is a rock star of all my bad. My dad probably has killed hookers for all I know. I'm just saying that my face is going to naturally react in shock when you say insane

shit. Control it because it's freaking us out. Because you look like the girl that will take away careers. What were you saying? No, I had sex with a girl in a brothel twice with no condom. To, yeah, I was a fucking, what do you, I was a baller, that twice with no fucking bag. Two days in a row, I'm really lighter. And I found a picture of me and like, I fell in love when I was down there.

I fell in love with a girl and I was like, fuck, what do you mean? What do you mean, a barrier and move her back? What do you mean you fell in love? I did, I fell in a Fabiana, her do you mean you fell in love? I did. I fell in a Fabiana. Her name was I fell in love with her. I thought she was amazing. And you wanted her to be your girlfriend back here.

Yeah, it wasn't realistic. It wasn't realistic, but she spoke English. A lot of girls just speak English. But we didn't even fuck. We just hung out. I treated it like just dead. You know, I had got laid a couple of times down there, but most of the time it was just, and there was that little kid,

began with an A, and I remember Patrice loved him. He would come around and we would give him money. Arduan, his name was with an A, I think. The little kids, they would all come around with Patrice like the fucking mayor. But the one kid, we'd always give him money, and he was like a sweet kid, he would just kind of hang out like outside of that place we would all eat. And I remember

driving away and us looking back at him as we drove away, it was like a movie like where the kid is getting far away and the taxi cab rear view mirror. And he was really depressed about that was said. Yeah, well, yeah, because the big, big, Shelby black guy was fucking paying his bills for a week. No, no, Patrice was that. I mean, Patrice was just, oh, Patrice, uh, watching the, the kid go in the rear view mirror because he was really trying to help him. Yeah, that was the first time. That's one of the parts of the doc that really got me to the kid stuff and, you know,

and, and, and did you see the doc? I saw a part of it. I didn't see the whole, I'll watch the whole thing. I watched the first few minutes. Um, but I, I didn't, I didn't want to watching the rest? I saw part of it. I didn't see the whole I'll watch the whole thing. I watched the first few minutes But I didn't I didn't want to watching the rest of it, but I will Yeah, he was he was very fuck fuck look at areas. He was very We were talking about the Patrice in Brazil with all points. I can't oh boy. He invited me in this room, and he just started laughing at me.

Why? To a club? What's that? Oh, that was... He must have said something good, because his eyes opened up. I don't know. Maybe I got untrusted or something. You got naked in front of a tree? Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I got untrusted or something. You got naked in front of a tree's maybe.

So I don't know what happened. Why? What do you mean? Why would you get naked in a tree's? Oh my god. Boss was the hooker. That's what it is. No. Why did you get naked in front of a tree's? Maybe there was two other people there. Oh, I get it now.

Just saying, I remember, No, what he was doing is, and Cretrice had a bag of dildos. Yeah. And he would travel because he couldn't fuck like he wanted to. And he felt bad, I believe, for the girls that they weren't, he wasn't banging them the way, you know, so he would give them orgasms. So he, he got into a Brooks-Stone's foot massages and glass dildos. Yeah. And the glass dildos, because there was no pores or something so easier to clean. Yeah. And he would, he had a, he had a bag of them that he would go

down, like, he'd have to do carry on with dildos because he didn't want to, because they were glass. And he couldn't put them in a checked bag because they'd smash. So he'd have a duffle bag full of dildos and he'd put them right through the fucking conveyor belt. And they just remember seeing the X-ray lady's face just light up and he would just struck his shoulders

like, where are you gonna do? Yeah, and I was just struck his shoulders like, what are you going to do? Yeah. And I was talking to his mother today about, you know, all the stuff. She took all his stuff. She has all his belongings, like everything. She went to the house and she, the furniture, the posters, everything. She has his ashes. And I asked her about the, I go, what happened to the, the, the, the, the, the, the posters, everything. She has his ashes. And I asked her about the, I go, what happened to the, the, the, the, the, the dildos? And she was like, oh, she was like,

I found a suitcase full of those things. A big metal suitcase full of vibrators and dildos I threw them out. Oh, did she throw them out? She threw them out because, yes, she thought it was, she goes, they were in the big metal suitcase like a dildo spot. A dildo spot? So when she was going in and cleaning out this stuff, she opened up a suitcase, there was just a bunch of dicks in it. Is there a way to put a picture in this room or no? Yeah, this is a way you can share down the bottom where it says share.

We remember when we went those... Bob, did you go in the first time we went to Brazil? No, I did not. Yeah, she the first time we went out. I only went... We would go out to these restaurants and we would have like lobster tails this big. It was, I mean, besides all the sexual stuff, the places we went were unbelievable. And in the Nordenville Memoradus, we used to sit outside in this cafe, me, Patrice,

and I don't know, whoever. Help me. In the mea Pataka, help me was the disco. Yeah. And mea Pataka was the cat. Mea Pataka, that's it. It was right in front of there, right? Yes, mea Pataka was the fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat I just told the story. Yeah. It began with an A. I'll be beginning with an A something. Are you, I can't remember his name.

Yeah, and the tall skinnier one out of all of them. And they used to sell peanuts out there. You know, so I don't know what you look. What? We're talking about the document. The document where you can retrieve. It's Bobby in Norton Who's what it's Gabby it's Gabby nobody recognizes her We come in

My wife couldn't recognize you Why I don't know come here screen. Why? I don't know. Come here. Tell them. Tell them. That's why I don't letter in my room. I love that you switched that we were talking about. So we were talking about hokers in Brazil. Well, you switched it up. No, we're talking about the good times at the cellar. And now, in children. No, no, I'm saying it's just a whole idea of the whole vacation and you know, Chris in the day we would just sit out and have

cappuccino or coffee and It was just it was a cool the whole trip was cool, you know to end it was a long flea market out there along the water, you know, so I don't, you know, sight always, the whole thing wasn't just sex. Well, me and Keith had a big argument because I was falling, I fell in love with this girl, and I love this girl, I wanted to bring her back, and Keith was like, ah, shut up, and fucking, we got into a real argument. Patrice had to immediate the argument and got into a bigger discussion of what is your fantasy? Like you just want to come down in a fuck, but he wants to meet somebody. We had this long.

You sure the argument was, was it really a girl? No, I didn't do that on those trips. I was too nervous. So that's so surprising to me that you wouldn't do that. I mean, that would be the place to do it. I mean, that's the motherland. That's the motherland. I know. Motherland. Yeah, I think I was too nervous, probably about, I didn't know the area. I was with all you guys, like I didn't want to venture off.

I think that's probably why I didn't. And we thought you were doing that anyways. You might as well. Well, we would you have the model. No one would wake up. Northern wouldn't wake up until the sun went behind the favelas and it was like no, it's for

our two. Fucking George's on and an Aussie shirt. Was like getting up late. It was like waking up late. You wouldn't we were waking up at like nine. Me and Keith were working out. We were about playing tennis with

Jason Steinberg. I remember me and Patrice went to the beach and Patrice went to the beach and Patrice just sat on the water and let the waves come up like a little kid and fucking, we had lunch, we went for rides and you would be nowhere to be found every fucking day. And as soon as that,

a son went behind the propellers, the mountainside, nowhere come out, what's up, I'm hungry. I'm happy. And we were like, where were you? Who's sleeping? The Lord's Hacker going to the beach. And we think he's sand. I, uh,

What? It's not that good, boss. I mean, it's good. It wasn't that good. Well, the thing I could be sand. Oh my God. Yeah. Laying out.

Look it. Uh, I'm going to get a drink. Yes. Lane, I look at it. Oh, terrible. I'm going to get a drink. You guys keep talking to grab a beverage. Yeah, from the piano. Yeah. That's a nice place. He's got a, no one's got a beautiful place.

Yeah. I, what, what do you remember? Well, you have any stories about Patrice that you remember? Who me? Yeah. Like what's stories about Patrice that you remember? Who me? Yeah, like what's your favorite Patrice story? Ah, there's so many of them. It was one I really liked though.

It was just so dumb. I was driving them back to Jersey City. And we'd get to a space I go, let me go upstairs, go to the bathroom. And it's just so stupid, as we were walking from my corner of his place. I don't know if I went first few, one first, but I said, I don't have a fucking thing going on in my career. I don't have a manager in age and I have no

prospects, nothing to look forward to. And then he said exactly the same thing. And we both just started cracking up and kept walking like who did you know what I mean because we had you know we were still doing comedy but there was nothing in our future either one of us at the time and we just started laughing I mean, there's so many up. Oh, here's a good one. Here's a good one. In Patrice, we went to read together for two leads of a sitcom, for Marcy Phillips, who was ahead of guessing for NBC or even, I think it was that we get in there. So Patrice

doesn't want to do it so he doesn't take his face out of the copy. He doesn't want to be there and I can't act. So when I'm trying to read with him and Marcy's y'all that me and I go he won't take his fucking face out of the copy. How can I connect with him and Mars she's yawning at me and I go he won't take his fucking face out of the copy How can I connect with her?

How can I snitch? Well, she was yawning at me and yelling at him. Right? And she threw both of us out and we're walking down the hall of NBC. We're cracking up and we're walking down this long hall and there's like four executives behind us and I farted real loud And he fell on the ground Late so hard that he fell to the ground Just the dumbest little things made him fucking like laugh like that

You know when we were in front of Boston, remember for quarantine, he showed us that thing, you'd walk up to somebody and go, what time is it? And as you're looking, you keep walking, we were doing that in front of Boston. And he's falling on cars. His laughter was so contagious.

Do you know what I mean? And it's just, or anytime we were at Boston, there could be like eight people in a room. If you said something, that he'd be in the back and he would scream before he left. You know what I mean?

It's these and it was just, just so many. When we were at Caroline's, me and him, he would, I would host the show. he would go on, kill. Then I go back and I start doing Krawlok and I go to like someone who do it and look into size of your eyes and he would scream in the back, Jesus,

maybe has like Klaakoma or something. And everything I said, he would scream in the back and stick up for the guy. And it was so fuck. He was so funny. He was fun. He was fun to do. Sure.

He was fun to do that shit with. You know, he loves fucking around. Well, I remember I was on stage at the seller. He would walk in. First of all, he's standing the hallway and literally just block the light. So as soon as, as soon as you just, you felt the light just go away, you know, like, God, he's watching me. And he would stand there.

And then it's right at the end of every punch line, he'd just shake his head. After every, and I'm not kidding, I don't get it starts fucking with you. You just gotta go, oh shit. And then I started changing my act on the fly to do something that he would like. You know what I mean? And then he would just, and then he'd walk through the room as slow as possible. Literally everybody's like, oh, there's fucking Patrice. In the middle of my set and he would just stare at me and just shake us and then go

pee, come back, stop in the middle, look at me, shake us and then go back and then he would stand on the hallway again and then I'd tell a joke and get a laugh. He'd be like, good job. And then he'd fucking leave. Fuck him. And then I tell a joke and get a laugh, he'd like, good job. And then he fucking late. I can. Oh, he was having a fight with this comic outside stand up in New York. Yeah.

Uh, I forget to change. Uh, I moved to LA. I swear to God, I can't Greg Wilson. Greg Wilson. These Greg Wilson. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. He was fighting with him. It was fighting with him. And then like Patrice just, this kid was losing his mind. How Patrice was just tormenting him and beating him down. And then the kid crossed, walked down, crossed the street and yelled out the end word to Patrice. And Patrice said, I knew he was gonna do that. I did. Patrice started to laugh. Patrice might even have done a countdown. Patrice, let's be honest guys, I love him.

Yeah, but a lot of people didn't. Yeah. That's like, I beat that motherfucker. We were in in studio one day in ONA. And for, he just beat me down. He went after my Rolex saying, then he started trash in my, I had a Porsche and he's calling me inconsiderate saying my car stinks.

I mean, he really beat me down. I left there furious. So I was out of my mind. This is, this is out of my mind. I was so mad. Two days later, I looked up the price of my car new versus his car and I sent them all the, you know, the differences, how my car was better than his S whenever he had. And I sent him text, he calls me laughing. You're still thinking about this? Like, he was just tearing the pieces, fuck you up. And then, like, it was nothing. He forget about it. Like, you're driving with resentment and anger.

That, you know, he called me selfish for having a porch. Yet, he was driving like an escalator, eight more gaffes and whatever. And he would never get easy past, by the way, that fucking piece of, I remember going in the sea with him furious. I'm like, what are we doing? Why, what, what the fuck are we in this line for? He just thought he was a casual pimp who didn't need to be clocked by the government. I was like, what are you doing? I was so angry at him. I fucking hated that too. I hate, he was the worst driver I've ever sat in a car with.

Worst and callin'. Colin's a hunger ship behind the wheel. Colin stinks behind the wheel. He's dumb, but that's because he's the wheel. Colin stinks behind the wheel. He's dumb, but that's because he's of his age and his fingers are too thin. Patrice. Yeah, Colin holds the wheel like this.

He can't get any single fingers. Yeah, Justin and I, one of his little fingers around it. Yeah, but Patrice would drive so fucking slow. Yep. It's so fun and he would stop at every piece of ass on every corner to just, and he'd pull up and he's be like, it was a salt. It was fucking a salt. He'd just be like, yeah, roll down the window.

Yo, what's up? Let me, let me, you got a nice bum. What you doing? Let me, let me, let me look at Kooji. Let me get you, I'm like, what are you fucking, but here a nice bum. What you doing? Let me, let me, let me lick your kooji. Let me get you. I'm like, what are you fucking, but here's the thing, they would laugh. He was charming.

I did it. If I did it, I'd be fucking arrested. If he did it, he lit, look at those little fingers. Bully. Yeah, oh, the fucking little hand. Yeah. Look at that wrist just goes into the hand. There's no separation of hand and wrist.

Yeah, he could say shit that nobody could fuck us, say. Yeah. Yeah, it was. There's so many funny times, just standing out in front of Boston till four in the morning smashing each other. People yelling their heads out the window, you know, they're trying to sleep, you know,

fucking. With your ice on us. Yeah, it's fucking disgusting. And they would throw ice. We'd be trying to sell her and they would throw ice on us. Years later, I found out there was Ava, man, he's girlfriend. Oh, ha ha. With throw ice on us.

I remember, I remember when tough crowd though, if you look back at tough crowd episodes, Patrice was the meanest person in the fucking world. He would be so mean to fucking comics from LA. I mean, he was mean to us, but he was so, people would start talking and you felt the joke. It was just, they were just trying to say the joke they wrote. Yeah, and it wasn't conversation. They were just trying and calling back What do you think of that? Well, you know, the and he would just be like, eh He really

Pushed on my rarer the wrong way on that show Oh man, I came into the cellar after one of those shows and he goes that fucking cock sucka Fuck him. Fuck him. I hope he dies But Patrice came right after me. He's a guy. This skinny still mad He's in the moment and then what's it's over he just moves on to the next victim didn't Well, oh god Jeff. Oh my god god, how many of you from fucking, Jeff Carlin, was he was, he was, he was a,

it's a Jeff Carlin on the show too. I think he was a, he made shit, he said something, he's like, you're on an improv show, like you really rude to him. And I think he felt bad about, afterwards he felt bad years later, he felt really shitty about a lot of stuff.

I, me and him, I mean, went after dad fan, and like three years ago, I felt so bad, I emailed dad fan on Facebook, you know, just because he's one of his biggest. When you guys attacked dad fan on Tough Crowd, it was one of the fucking greatest things ever. But he attacked, I mean, I remember you fucking Sukasthela was trying to get jokes out.

And then she sounded a shut up. I mean, it's wild. He had a fucking wild what he did to other comics on fucking television. Being friends with him, though, was like being married to an abuse of drunk. Like, you always have to explain it to other people like no, you don't understand. He's not always like that. He's, you know, you know, that's exactly it. Be in the front of the face.

Why are we fucking commemorating him? Why would you be like a dog in a battery? He was literally mean to all of us. He would have done literally for any of us. He would have done one benefit complained about his fucking spot in the lineup, not stuck around for the picture and left. That would be a higher thing.

And went too long. Yeah. Do you remember? He was like, do you remember a foresight in the movie, Steven Seagal, where he just went around killing people? What? Do you remember foresight in the movie?

I don't know what you said. I don't know what you said. I don't know what you said. I know you said the movie Steven Segal. We talked about John Forsyth, the first actor. Oh, no, the other one. Jim, get a fucking a water cup. Stop drinking like a fucking

Yeah. A transitioning asshole on the security. I understand that it is very very upsetting Surprise you don't have a chandelier on that piano Come on, that wasn't that bad. You know it was worse than that bad. It was terrible. It's a background of fans I chandelier joke you boo on a fucking zoom background. Oh, that's a zoom background. I thought that was your place. No, no, I move. It's my New York place. I live in this giant mansion with a piano.

That's my place. I just string a pilophanies. I, uh, me and Patrice were walking. We were walking from the seller one night. Yeah, that guy. William Forsyth. Yeah. He was like that just at any moment, just take you out and have a regular day. But we were walking from the seller. So we went downstairs of Boston to that bar, me and Patrice, and then Bailey

and DC Benny were down there just minding their business, and we went down there and smashed them and beat them to pieces. They really think they want against us because they're delusional, but they want mind in their own business. We just walked in like two bullies and you fucking attacked. That's all we did was attack what he did. Because can I say why though? It was look at he was mean. We're all mean. I would say he's one of the meanest. Yes out of all of us him Well, he keeps yeah, he is what he's laugh doesn't even make you feel good

Keep this worse because at least what Patrice laughed at me. Do you have he keeps laughs talks laugh as toxic. Bob's fat. Bob, tell him what Keith did before you shot your stream. I did the pay-per-view thing. You know, I mean, look, it makes me sad that I'm not fucking, you know, bird-crusher. I can't make a million dollars in a night. I mean, you know, I'm fucking I don't even know how much I made that's how little money I mean, but he calls me up that day. I haven't talked to him in like

a week. I'm like, oh shit, I go, hey, what's up Keith? He goes, ah, I hope you bomb on your last dream. And he hangs up. Last time talked to him. And then when he first started talking, Keith, he called Bob, and he's letting me say, you're fat. And he goes, I'm just working on my speech. Oh, no. He called me up when he got his stroke. And he would go, he can get his stroke. He didn't want to listen for it. When he got his stroke. When he booked his stroke. What Amazon has delivered it. When he got his stroke. Yeah. When he booked his stroke. What amazard it. Well, let's be honest, he got funnier when he had a stroke. Listen, I, uh, he called me up. He's going, I can pick up the phone. He's going, Bob, fat fuck. Bob is a fat fuck. Bob is a fat fuck. I'm like, what the fuck is this?

He goes, I'm in a speech therapy. and then he told me to pick a sentence. He's like, Bob, the fat fuck. But I like, Patrice was mean, I don't know, he... Can I explain something to you? What Keith would do, and if it was very subtle, he would whisper in Patrice's ear. So someone would come down,

or someone would be walking up, and he'd be like, look at Eddie, if shirt. And he would set Patrice off. He would set him down that road, ah, look at Eddie, dumb shirt, and then he would get into it, and then he would keep him going. He would keep him going until somebody cried. And a lot of times, when did you, Eddie, if the fucking left never came back?

Well, Eddie came in all arrogant, and he said to me, how much do you make a collegeist? And I'm like, what? I barely do them. And it pat's eyes lit up when he came in bragging about doing colleges. And I'm telling you, no one even said anything for 45 minutes. I called Norton driving home. We're both driving in Jersey. And I go, we couldn't stop laughing. Do you remember that? Yeah.

No one said anything because it was just fun to watch. Like the staff was gathered. it was a really weird, it was like pounding Bill Burr for doing a gig on a bus. It was one of those moments where it's just so much fun that other people are just enjoying the beat. I think I was one of the people that came in, I was like, Billy, because I think I was living with Bill. Did you see that?

I turned that gig down. That's what he got. Yeah, I turned that gig down. And he came in. I go, Billy's doing a gig on a bus. He gets to get playoff tickets. Yankee's timing back. Yeah, Yankee's timing back. Yeah, where is there is, right? And when he's speaking, it was walking off the bus. He goes, you guys were great. And he walked like that. Do you remember when you had a poll, you had a foot, your next comment. Yeah, it was silly. We were sweating. It was sitting at the bar. Because we were laughing at the whole, listen, we used to laugh so hard. The restaurant would get the whole restaurant would kind of clear out because we would take

over the restaurant. Like other people were there eating and they were like, what the fuck is happening? Because it was grown men just screaming laughing at the end. And this one guy just sweating. Oh Bill Kancell the gig he didn't do it. We beat him out of money. Oh did he not do the gig? No. When listen when we went after Matt Arisa's haircut he wanted to fight us. Oh box kind of lips. Oh. I know it's Jesus Christ. And then we used to go, I don't know how to start it,

but like after we leave the seller, we would go play basketball down into projects. And like then he's like comic strip acts would come walking into the seller with like a basketball. And Patrice would look at him, go, what the fuck are you doing? You know, because they weren't part of the crew that was playing. They just wanted to go play football. Who was playing?

I remember going, I never played. It was, it was all, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it the projects, uh, Sherrod, Voss, uh, what Matt Frost played Matt Frost, right. Yeah. Uh, Lewis Schaefer Kevin Hart, Kevin Hart, uh, we'd all go to play the ball. It wasn't Kevin a better player than people thought. Oh, he was great. He's such a good. He's in a suck, but he was actually really good. He was awesome. And then we got you pom-poms and a little mega horn. I wouldn't play. You never met with my pom-poms and a little mega horn.

Did you sat on the bench and you were a little cheerleader? And then the night it all ended, this is what it all ended. We did that a bunch of times. And the night it all ended when the dude, the black dudes from the project came out and they wanted a ball and we were like, hey, we got to go. And then they played and then they were actually cool. They actually, they do everything out. We actually left. Sharad, that's a nice Sharad slam, Matt Frost to the ground. Right.

Colin, Colin was a good ball player. Colin was a great, Colin was really good at ball, man. Yeah. Colin was good. But Trice was good. Little Camp was the best. Yeah, well, Northern, we used to have that building at 520, 43rd Street, and they had a half court basketball inside. And we would all go in and play there.

I never worked out there. I first tried, I first tried in that building. I'm not a steamer. They had a steamer. I'm there to shut down in that building because guys kept sucking each other off in the middle of the night. Just they would go down there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They had a hole. They had an outdoor terrace. That was awesome. That's what we had. My wife's birthday. That's what we had my wife's birthday. I got to find those. This fucking asshole took the camera away from me. It was all Dawn's friends in Norton. Okay. We lived in the building and he's part of, you know, we love Norton, right? So he takes my camera. He just goes out, hi, I'm the official photographer of the party

and it would snap a photo, but like up in their face. So we looked at the photos, there's just eyes and noses. He didn't put it down. It was really bad. He didn't post down the scans, take pictures. Like that. I think he did. I think there was one.

No, not on the dawn's party. I would have done that. I think these pictures of their feet and hands, really just awful photos. Well, they had a steam room in there and they wound up shutting it down because guys in the In the building would just go in there and just steam fake steam and there's suck each other off I remember I say that depending on Which guy was working the front desk whether or not I would have certain young ladies

meet me upstairs. Uh, what was his name? He was Teddy. You know, Teddy. Hello, hello, Robert. Hi, Jim. Jim, yeah, he's very nice. He's very sweet, always smiling.

But he would, the store guy would fucking literally just like this. One night, a woman from the building was being attacked out front. She locked the front doors and called the cops. She was trying to get in. And she couldn't get in because he locked the front door. Oh my God. But Jim would bring certain people in when Teddy was working because Teddy was always like this. And they would know when they would just come in and go up. And the parking was under, in big, a parking lot, you remember the parking guy?

The parking guy. The parking guy. Was that, was that, that parking guy? Bobby and I, the parking guy. And then I had a camera in my car, to go missing.

And there was a picture of this girl's fat ass on it. I was like, fuck fuck I got so mad and And that one guy got arrested for stealing out of that garage. You remember that guy? The one guy's real dick. Oh He used to call the parking bill of parking color speaking about him. In billion parking the colors. Yeah 15 minutes. Okay. Yeah, okay 15 minutes Yeah, that was a fucking days man. Yeah, that was fun. days, man. Yeah. That's what Patrice came over. He would come over the house. We used to play video games

all the time. Remember that shit? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're in the fifth floor. You're in the fifth floor. I was on the fifth floor. Then Patrice would come over. We played video games until like three, four in the morning. I remember I used to pissed on off and And that betrothed went to Europe remember he wasn't making it right. Yeah, it was not he was just his whole career shit The bed here, and he just went to England. Yeah, and he somehow ignited his career again Love him Melody, yeah, Melody she was like fucking eight feet tall of freckles She's next to you though and the other guy remember he used to bring that guy around the toilet?

Gavin. Gavin, yeah. Okay, yeah, but he would always, I love Gavin, but he'd be at Patrice's house all the time. Patrice would be like, yo man, you gotta take Gavin. And you'd be like, what? He goes, Gavin's coming over today. And then he put him on the phone. And it would be, I'm gonna be with you, I'm gonna be a little bit, or,

I'm gonna show you the whole way, all right, Mike. I'm gonna be with you, and show you the whole thing. All right, Mike. And you be like, all right, he came over my house one time because Patrice is like, I need a break. And he came over, spent the day. And then I was like, all right, dude, I gotta go get a little nap before my show,

then he goes, all right, mate, I'll wake you up in an hour or so. I'm like, all right, Like I he wasn't leaving, but he was too big to fucking tell the penis. I was like, I just went in the other room and took a nap with Don while he played video games in the room. Then Don made dinner. She made a fucking pork roast. This big. We had four slices to for me, to for her he ate the rest of it. Do you I remember going to I was in Amsterdam with Patrice a couple time over in Amsterdam and we would go to the red light district and Lisa Laminelli said can I go and he

he made a cry but he apologized to her years. Why do you make a cry? He said you're not coming with, but the way he just got into it, you know, just, he just beat her down. Yeah. That's how he expressed himself in a less than pleasant way. But he went, he was doing radio towards the end. He was making a man's to a lot of people.

He made a man's to her. So people. He made amends to her. So there was a comic I was in Amsterdam with. So he went into the red light district. And I just sat and had coffee. So he's with this prostitute in the window. And when he's done him and the prostitute were smoking pot. And the prostitute sent to him, what do you do?

And he said, I'm a comic. And she said, do you know Patrice? I was with Patrice the first time we ever went to Amsterdam. Me and Patrice went the first time. And I remember, Keith, I got there first. I was at the IBIS hotel, a little tiny hotel. Then Keith got in. Keith literally was like, where's the horse? And he didn't put his bags in the room. He'd be like, yeah, take my bags, where's the horse?

And we went right to the red light district. We went to the local one. It was during the day. It was like three or something in the afternoon. And we went and there was, it was, there were like kind of ugly. But we didn't care. My chicken had like fucking acne.

It was. But I didn't care. I remember she had like zits on her chest. It was all. But we didn't care. We were like, fuck it. We're an Amsterdam. We come out.

As soon as we were done, we were like, I, that's it. I'm done. I got it out of my system. Let's go back to the hotel. We walked three feet. Sorry. Another one, we were like, God, one more. And we went back in, go two more. And we found out later that we were in the local one. And that night we went to the regular one, but tree's got in. And he, let me tell you something, he went in, he went in, I mean, dude, it was so crazy. The red light district, Amsterdam, it's so fucking nuts. It's, it, it, it looks like Christmas.

It's like where Santa lives. It's all lit up, the canals and all these women in these windows. Like your window. You're like, I can't fucking, I can just go have sex with that girl and, and they're like waving you over. And then I remember Patricerice he would go into one place and literally

less than 10 minutes later come out I'm like how was it? I didn't come why she wasn't the one and he'd walk around and go to another one come out That wasn't it come out go to another one She wasn't it he was going in and taste testing these chicks with ginice. He was fucking him for like a couple minutes going nah this ain't it and leave. I remember really we're getting annoyed with him finally he went with his older Dutch woman and he was in there for like 15 minutes and he finally comes out he was like and you saw the you saw the lady, the old lady fucking stuck her head out the window and turned her side fucking closed and just went back into

a both sweatin' like they just fought each other. Tell them to store about the pants when you were up. Oh god. That, I actually, I still feel fucked up about that. No. Because I never been out of the country for a show. And I mean, here I am with Patrice. I did my first row gig with Patrice in Philly for Dave and Busters. We drove from Boston to Philly. I mean, the first time I ever did that, you know what I mean? And uh-

Wait, Dave and Busters, the food place, the food place that like that weird like restaurant that's got like basketball and shit in it. Exactly. Cool. So we did, we did David Buster. They have a theater in there. They have like a little tiny theater. And they had like a comedy club.

So me, Vinnie Favoredo and Patrice Drove to Philly and did this room. And it was the first time I'm on the road. And that I got this tattoo. Um, I remember I got this tattoo. I remember I got this fucking my first tattoo. Him and Vinnie and Patricia, like, yeah, let's get tattoos and I picked mine off the wall and I'm in the chair and I'm like, guys, you get your tattoos? They were like, when I get in a tattoo, you fucking idiot.

What was your time? What does it say? I'll show you at the end of the show. I'll show you the tattoo. At the end, we're doing an extra 10 at the end to page your own members. I will show my tattoo at the end of the show. I'll show you the tattoo at the end. We're doing an extra 10 at the end. In the page around members, I will show my tattoo at the end of the show. Okay, but I don't want to fucking hear it, okay?

I was muscled into getting this fucking tattoo. And then we went to a massage parlor. And I remember we walked up to, we went up to this, my first time at a massage parlor. We walk up the stairs and Little Chinese lady opens the door she goes she sees me Vinny and then Patrice is behind us And she goes close she shuts the door on our face I'm like, what the fuck you talking about it?

Spaces open until you know three in the morning Right, so we knock on the door again. She goes no closed Close and then Vinny looks back at Patrice. He goes, Patrice, you might step on outside for a sec. And he was like, you racist mother fuckers. And he left.

And as soon as he left, come on and quick, quick, quick. Oh my God. They didn't want to give Patrice a rub down. Because it was 400. He was like six something. They didn't fucking have enough hands. So we, I remember we got massage,

but we went to Amsterdam. I remember when I went the night before I left, I, we were doing these theaters. And it was so, I wanted to get a nice outfit for Friday and Saturday night. And this is when, you know, like, you know, slacks, black slacks, you know, you get black slacks and those, knee, those, uh, the polyester shirts we're in, you know, the button down polyester shirts shirt.

I'm like, 76, yeah. Fuck you. You had them. You've got them, right? Yeah. So anyways, I went to this little place on eighth half and I bought pants, black pants and a black shirt, all blacked out. I was thought it was going to be great. So we get to the hotel.

They check us into a boutique hotel, artist hotel. We go to the room. It's a fucking square, it looks like a prison cell. There's two metal bunk beds. There's a drain in the go to the room. It's a fucking square, looks like a prison cell. There's two metal bunk beds. There's a drain in the middle of the room. The bathroom doesn't have a shower. It just has a toilet and a drain in the, where the shower is. And there's a window this big that opens up into an alley where all the whores are. So if you open the window, guys would be peeking their heads and thinking that it's a whore like you think it's here.

So Patrice and Keith like this is bullshit. I remember Patrice was just lying on this bunk bed. It couldn't even fit on this thing. And he was just like, we gotta get out of here, man. Gotta get out of here. And Keith is like, we had a folding table, like a card table from the 50s. That was our table with metal chairs. Keith calls the guy up, fuck, and this is bullshit.

We need a hotel. And the guy was like, well, this is hotel is our outside in the country. You will not be there. Red light dude, it's nice, but it's a little far away. And I was such an ass caster. I'm like, I'm fine here. I'm just going to stay here.

They're like, you fucking phony piece of shit. You're coming with us. I'm like, no, I'm gonna stay here. I'm fine here. So tell us fine for me. It was a shit hole. So, take, took them out to the hotel in the countries. It was 50 minutes away.

The guy lied. It was right outside the city. It was on this beautiful land. They had two floors. They had a fucking baby grand piano on the first floor. They had a pond in the back with fucking swans. They put my outfit on. I didn't... I... This is a room where you had to leave you key with the guy at the front desk. I was like, when those serial killer hotels, you had to leave you key with the guy. But I fucking forgot, I didn't realize that I bought bell bottoms. So when I stepped outside into the Amsterdam sunlight, it looked like I was wearing an evening gown.

Because it went from here black all the way down and then swooped out at my feet. You couldn't see my shoes. That's... And you didn't hear, the windows were up on the van pulled up with Patrice and Keith in it and the guy, Franz, who hated us didn't laugh at us one second since we've been there because we were such cuts. Patrice was just throwing their money going, fuck you, a gloopy Gleepins. He was throwing their change on the ground, you got to clap and gloopins, sticky fucking get a quarter. He hated us.

All of a sudden the van pulls up. I'm on front. I'm so scared of what I look like. I know that I look like I'm going to an award ceremony as a woman. woman. And the van pulls up and but trees and Keith, you know, all you hear is this. Keith, I just appeared from sight. He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's They Buddy, I almost I'm gonna be serious. I almost cried I had to do I had to do two shows at night. I was wearing an evening I was so sad inside I had no I couldn't go back and change. I rolled the dice thinking that maybe it's not that bad. I Estudas

They were they was smashing me so bad. They were like, Bobby got raped. Bobby a pimp grab Bobby man suck and fuck all night. That was the outfit they made you wear. So bad that the guy's laughing so hard. He had to pull the van over the side of the road because they were killing me. And I was just looking out the window like, and I swear to God, I almost teared up. But at the worst, which sometimes you try to just just, just, just raise it out like they'll get tired,

they'll punch themselves out. And then just sometimes it wouldn't happen. You just, you can't fight back. You can't fight back. It goes. It can't fight back. You just gotta take it. You gotta take it.

And I've been in many situations where it was hurting so bad inside. I mean, physically, like hurting, like, oh, God, please stop. And they would not stop. Because if you said something that made Keith laugh or Keith made the tree slap, it was like getting punched. It was like getting punched. It was like getting beaten up. They beat the fuck out of me. And then I had to go on stage. Oh, you can hear them.

I was on stage and they were laughing off stage. You could hear them. Just going, I learned it. It was so fucking mean to me. So mean to me. It was so much. And it was I walked into the cellar one night and I had like a little fever sore on my lip and they all started banging on the table yelling, voice has herpes. The whole cellar, Kevin, Patrice, Keith, I think, Norton, they're just banging yelling for us, has her face.

And Keith is the one who starts it. Keith started it, not Patrice, but in stupid parts. Keith is the one who starts it all. He starts it all. And he steps back in the cut and he lets us attack and then wear the assholes. And that's why all these, I can't believe how many people like Keith Robinson. Nobody should.

Well, it's funny, because once in a while, a guy who doesn't know him will get mad at Keith and think they're gonna figure out a way to upset him. And it's like you're never gonna win. Because he's teflon because he doesn't give a shit. So somebody would come at him and go, you know, let's fuck the other, blah, shut up. And that's it. That's all you get back at them.

Oh, it's just so funny. So anyways, all right. Well, I'm going to, we're going to wrap this up a little bit. I did want to talk about something. We do an extra 10 minutes. Uh, Norton, of course, who's got Jim and Sam on serious satellite radios. The morning show, I mean, now that whole station is fucking stacked. You, Bennington, the Bond fire. One of those guys going there. I think in March. Oh, is it March?

Okay, yes, I've heard that they had agreed, but I haven't heard the thing from the company. So in March, I guess they're going back to the time at seven o'clock. They're going where, what's his name? Alice was. What the fuck was Alice? He was he was he was before um he was before um Bennington. Yeah. Oh yeah. So it's gonna be you guys them and then I believe Bennington, which is I mean, that's crazy. That's fucking great. And then you get the Kavino and Rich guys. I don't really know them too well. There you go. And Vierce Rich Voss, of course, my wife hates me.

I fucking love the podcast, dude. I really do. Have you ever listened to it, Norton? I have, I have, I'm having Bonnie. Yeah, I have. I've been on it once and I've heard clips of it, but they're great together So funny the fucking disdain you have for each other is

Matches the disdain everyone else has for you And of course Gabby what's up Gabby? Follow me on Instagram and Twitter. Gabby is Ryan Gabby, I mean he's this episode. I feel bad Gabby. Gabby, I mean, this episode, I feel bad. Gabby, it's just I was fucking yammer and I love it. I love to hear the old stories. And I mean, old old stories. Oh, yeah.

Fuck yourself. But one thing I want to talk about the extra 10, I guess we just spent an hour talking about how it was. And a lot of comics, and I hear it a lot now, the table's dead, that, that style, that comedy's dead, that generation's over, we're finished, blah, blah, blah. We're gonna talk about that in the extra 10th or all right. We are done. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Mike, you have a podcast with Greg Stone. What is that? Mr. Ridiculous talking about carbon movie and stuff like that. Refund.

Hey, thanks for doing another car. The poor kids in the car because in the house is fucking dead. So he jumped in his car to run the show. He's hope you have the heat on, kid. I love you. I want to thank the ladybugs, but you know what, if you're a ladybugs, stick around because we're doing some more time

with these two fuckheads. And join you can become one of these ladybugs too. You can remember patreon, remember patreon.com slash robber Kelly, all things me are up here. YKWD, you always get it first and unedited and the extra 10 only goes to patreon, uh, culture and Kelly. That is Tuesday Wednesdays Thursdays Fridays, uh, and Friday shows only on Patreon. And then Saturday night, the jerk off part of the Jail party, we let all of you guys who are Patreon members come in, hang out and talk to us and have a good night and have some laughs. And sometimes I scream at you. But it's fantastic. You guys want to thank all the

ladybugs that are doing it now. We have to read the names much. You don't have them, right? Do you have them? Do you have them? We can go next week if you don't have them. Oh, we got them right here. Oh, guys, if you can help me with this, I read the names of the Patreon members, the new ones. You ready for this?

Okay. Well, I'll say, there we go. And here we go. One, two, and three. E and three. And we've been pushed. I got to make them big. I'm sorry.

One, two, and go. One, two, and here you go, Jim. Come on, now. All right. One, two, and there is. Thank you very much right now. Yeah, perfect. I did another COVID test today. What did I say? All right, here we go. Oh, we only got two. No, we got three. I'm gonna say I scroll up. Here we go.

Hey, boss, on the $10 ones, you guys want to read some $10 ones, you have to do something you guys want to read some $10 ones, you have to do something extra like you know a 10 guns salute for the $10 or you can say something 10 times or whatever you want to do. So Jim you want to go first? Okay, who's the first guy? A Grant Scruggs? Yeah. What do you got, Jim? Okay.

Leave this Patreon and go to chips. Leave this Patreon and go to chips. Leave this Patreon and go to chips. Leave this Patreon and go to chips. Leave this Patreon and go to chips. Leave this Patreon and go to chips. Leave this Patreon and go to chips. Leave this Patreon and go to chips. Leave this Patreon and go to chips leave this page You're gonna go to get leave this page you on and go to chips leave this page

You're gonna go to chips leave this page you on and go to chips you're gonna go to chips All right, well, let's try another one Jim and maybe let's the next one Oh Michael Brennan. Yes, Michael Brennan. That's a 10 dollar one. Maybe we try something different this time. I hate your brother. I hate your brother. I'm straight plus Andrew Hickerson. I want to thank you for coming to remember Jessica Labinsky. Thanks for coming to remember Jim. We got one more here. 10 dollar one.

What do you got? James Heatherman. Yeah. Is that the guy? Yeah, that's him. Okay. Patreon.com slash chip chipperson. Patreon.com slash chip chipperson.

Patreon.com slash chip chipperson. Patreon.com slash chip chipperson. Patreon.com slash chip chipperson. Patreon.com slash chip chipperson. Patreon.com slash chip chipperson. Patreon.com slash chip chipperson. Patreon.com slash chip chipperson. Patreon.com slash chip chipperson.

Patreon.com slash chip chipperson. Patreon.com slash chip chipperson. Patreon.com slash chip chipper said, Patreon.com slash chip chipper said, Patreon.com slash chip chipper said, Patreon.com slash chip chipper said, Patreon.com slash chip chipper said, all right, I heard that. Okay, let's just, that was all eight H3On.com slash chip chipper said, that's nine. Patreon.com slash chip chipper said, that's nine. I'm much done shy. Let's try this one more time. Let's Jimmy one more time. Read this one and then maybe come up with something

a little different on the things. All right, ready? Okay, for for who? Derek Eury's name. Right on the. No, no, no. Right on the chesty, chesty, oh, chesty red nuts. I no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Camillo dot com slash Jim Norton cameo dot com slash Jim Norton cameo dot com slash Ed

Gamelin camp cameo dot com slash Ed Gamelin camp. Okay, I'm a Derek Johnson. Thank you for me, Mara. Nick, Nicholas Ford. Thank you for me. I love your cars. And we have one more we could do Jim. Would you do the last one?

Maybe we'll come up with something a little different, you know, than what we've been doing. Maybe something for a whole week of day. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas, peckas I'll be in a Rubin next week. This week I'll be in a Rubin come on down and then in April. Go to all my dates. I'm going to be in Utah. The wise guys, Uncle Vinnie is all over the place. So make sure you check out Robert Kelly live.com and become a member of patreon.com. So that's Robert Kelly. We'll see you next week.

We'll go into the extra 10 so you ladybugs don't go anywhere. Patreon members stay right there. You know what, dude? We'll see you next week. ¿Dónde la extuitan? ¿Y si la gente no se puede ver? El Patreon-Members, está ahí. ¿Y qué haces? Nos vemos en el próximo mes. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelas desde Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

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