Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Jobs-Off | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #20

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder join forces and fight over who's a bigger Steve Jobs fan, discuss Kill Tony at MSG, Joe's favorite street joke, Joe Derosa throwing himself a surprise party and much more. Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kidz-table-the-regz-w-robert-kelly-dan-soder-luis-j/id371045355?i=1000660381295  SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdudepodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/  Luis J. Gomez  https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez  Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/  Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  Thanks to @johng.wav on Instagram for the new intro music. SPONSORS My Bookie Support the show get some MyBookie money on the house with code REGZ at https://bit.ly/joinwithREGZ LUCYhttps://lucy.co/regz and use code "REGZ" for 20% off your first order  Small Batch Cigar https://www.smallbatchcigar.com/ (https://www.smallbatchcigar.com/) Code: REGZ for 10% off + 5% Rewards points Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. What's up everybody, it's Robert Kelly. Welcome to the regs. We got Joe List, we got Dan Soda, Louis J Gomez, we're back for another episode. We can't hear ourselves through the microphones. You can't? I can hear myself. I can hear me. I can hear me.

Sorry guys. That was your own volume knob. No, it was unplugged. So go fuck yourself We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. What's up guys? How you doing? We're back and we've been back for 40 minutes. Nice Joe's been here for an hour. Yeah, we're black Nope, nope No, if you're I did want to sing the rest of that play basketball. I'm black well, and I don't know my dad

I'm black and I don't know my dad. That's my black black in the New York I'm black and I don't know my dad. He said when I used to play Warzone on chat with other people I'd hear it's a black guy and I would sing that to him wars and but yo man I know my dad. I was like sure you do Damn good machine gun. That was good. I do a good machine gun that was good By the way I Looked at the comments. What was that you guys are all wrong about a helicopter. What did I say? I think I said it was pretty good. We're not gonna do the helicopter bit. I'm doing a gun I'm setting up the gun through the gun It's pretty good

50 cal I Got a gun yeah No, that's a rifle that's a fucking rifle that's dynamite how about this how about this oh? I got one ready. I got one To BB gun that's good That hurt through my shirt they go they go They go they go they don't go poop they go poop the fuck happened to us how about this I Do a good AK men? It's pretty good

I do a good helicopter gun. I do a Tommy gun It's pretty good Everyone listening to this episode is punching something right now. I know they're not they're trying to do they're actually try to do gun sounds I do a good Tommy Morrison. I'm like I'm dying of AIDS Rocky No, no, I like Come on, it was a good age. I was the first joke attempted today. So at least I'm trying, but it was a good age. I like a nice age joke.

I miss age. Who can say what AIDS stands for besides audios infected Dick sucker. What does AIDS actually audio immune audio? Oh, big fun. I don't know. Sucker syndrome sucker. Yeah. But Dan did say audio. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm What was this can't do both we do a topic off the guy? Yeah, of course not. Yeah, what is this?

Women don't have those interviews on the street that you see on Instagram now I don't do butt sex with girls unless they're really into it and then if they're like, oh, I'm really into butt sex I'm like I can never love you. So it's a weird thing. I make that choice I will never have butt sex with a woman that I will ever marry I agree if I put my cock in your ass. Yep, you're done. You're done. What kind of weird Islamic law is that? Sorry, I'll do it. It's not halal. I agree, dude.

You don't fuck your wife in the ass. No. No, not in my life, that's for sure. No. You've never done anal with Sarah? I've never done anal. You've never done anal? You've never done anal in your life?

Stop it. With a girl? Never done anal. You're lying, I know some people. With a dude? Never done anal. You're lying, I know somebody. With a dude. I know somebody you did it with. No. Yeah. I know for a fact I've never done it.

I talked to somebody and they said that you did it with him. Who? My mom. What? He does it nice. Who? Like I can barely feel it, it's so loose.

Yeah, I go, whoa, am I in? This is definitely not your first rodeo. Mrs. Kelly. Do you like, uh, you've never did you like anal at all? Uh, I if a girl's into it and I'm pleasuring her with anal, I'm like, Oh, what a pig. And I fucking, you know, you don't like it for yourself. You'd rather not get mad. I like, I here's the thing. I like to put a finger in the butt. I like to fucking, you know, get your finger jamming all the way in there Which one is it this one? I do the thumb if you do it like that and then I switch to the middle finger at one point if I want to Get deep I do that I do this finger and sometimes you feel little solid things in there like oh, I can't do little scorpion

Tail yeah, I do I do this finger right here in the butt in the butt. I do that Move it back. I do that inside the butt. There's no reason for that. Yeah, I like it. That's for you. I like to get in there and get a G-spot. That's a guy's G-spot. Sorry, I fucked up. Bobby keeps giving away clues that he's having gay sex.

And then he just pushes back. I made love in a woman's butt one time and when I pulled my penis out there was a seed, like a burger seed. Wow. Like it hit the wall. Sesame. Sesame, yeah. And it hit the wall and it's... Why did she have sesame seed? Because she went seed. Wow. Hit the wall. Sesame. Sesame, yeah.

And it hit the wall and it's... Why did she have sesame seed? Because she went to McDonald's and had a Big Mac. He did say open sesame. Because I took her on a date. That's why. Open sesame. She's like, let me get it out.

It's on your dick. I fucked a girl one time in the pussy. But I had fucked her. That looked like you were lying. For that long. I had sex with a looked like you were lying. For that long you didn't go, I had sex. I gave to her in her pussy. I had sex with a girl in her pussy. It's like a 40 year old virgin.

We said, it's like they felt like two, we were talking about tits. It was like they felt like two bags of sand. That was the whole premise of the movie. They had that, that was a sketch. It was a sketch based on a guy who was a virgin at a poker game and then they made the whole movie. Nerd alert. Ding ding ding. There we go. We get it

Hanan and Joe talk fucking gay anal sex You know the the premise of the movie did you know the director and the director comment area? They actually kind of found that informative course you did. Yeah neutral fucking Lewis lit up What's your pull back? I really are Fucked a girl in the pussy and whoa when she Came so we got these raw facts when she came just from penetration or you were touching things I was just fucking her doggy style from penetration. That's a lie doesn't happen. What myth what women don't fuck from just penetration Natalie They have to make their own soap yeah men can't come just from yes, it's all bullshit Maybe she might have been fingering herself who knows but she has they can they can get fucked in the way They can come vaginally. Dr. Drew said that

Dr. Drew also said fucking you know I'm gay but well Our game they can so I can't I fucked a girl in the pussy mm-hmm, and she's a comic won't say who? We know who it is. No you know we don't do many we do. Too many comics I've had sex with. How many? A lot. I have the list above my bed. That's what you drew. The list list. It's like Louis's list.

How many female comics have I had sex with? I can silently count them while you guys talk in a minute, but this one in particular, I was fucking in the pussy, and when she came, she shit out an exact replica of a Hershey's Kiss, like the same size. Like I'm fucking her doggies out,

it pooped out of her butt, it landed on my dick as I was fucking her, and it was a little Hershey's Kiss sitting on my dick. And then I was like, I mean, I didn't know. It tastes like a Hershey Kiss? Yeah. Doggie, I didn't know what to, so at that point, I'm going like, I don't want to tell her

because it's going to embarrass the fuck out of her wrap it in tin foil What did it did don't move don't move I gotta get tin foil so then she you take a picture of it No, I didn't I um surprise No, it's on stitcher what I couldn't think of it smelled and I didn't know what to do I was like there's on Stitcher, I couldn't think of the fucking. It smelled and I didn't know what to do. I was like, there's no, I was like, there's no getting rid of it now. Like what would have to happen in that moment is I have to like, secretly take her shit

and hide it from her, which is weirder than just telling her. So then I was like, uh. You had to balance it into the bathroom and throw it in the trash can? It was great, there was no getting rid of this shit without her knowing. Was she, how was she reacting? Was she going, woo, So much I felt like shit.

She lit a match. She goes, whoa. You really fucked the shit out of me. Yeah. Oh. Did you tell her? Oh. I told her.

What'd she say? I feel like I took a dump. She was mortified. She must have had some sense. She must be mortified right now, because she's no, she's listening. No, she's not listening. But I'll tell her

Listen, I talked about you. There's also no way there's a second woman who shit Coming I bet you that's a regular if you look it up right now. I shit when I come I bet you that's a whole So you can use my login name. I should Yes It's really a logout go ahead. ahead. I'm not a big pull it up, but can we pull it up? I bet you that there is a, I ship, whether it's a red, a thread or of to Cora shutting the door, shutting the door to my apartment and Katie going, how'd the podcast go? And I go, why don't you shit when you come? But if you Google

that, it's going to be gay men. It's going to be men that are receiving. Women, women, women. Women shit when they come. Women, women, women. You can't shit when you come if you're a guy because of the thing in your ass. I bet you if a woman comes, and I don't know, Natalie maybe you can fill us in on this. That's called shit on your dick. Natalie, have you had orgasms?

I have, yes. Yes, I have. I was going to say that I Googled it and it does happen to women sometimes. Yes for sure Have you ever shit when you come? No, I have not but that series of thing when women come my assumption is in order to really Have an orgasm Natalie you have to like let go of God the Whatever your nether regions are and I'm assuming that women don't have control of their pussies and assholes like that like dexterity between The two so I assume when women come, they just go, ah, oh, get all the air.

No. Let it all out. No. No. Am I wrong about this, Natalie? Paralysis. You don't have to. That's how I would describe it,

but you're not that far off. Or also are you in her ear going, let go. Just let go. Let go. When guys come, we hold it in though. We're like, far off or also are you in her ear going let go just let go Well guys come we hold it in though Shitting enough have you ever come and just let it out like a woman just like oh Fuck yeah That's all you had a girl. I'm she kissed me on my neck and I went And then she made fun of me. She went. Mmm. Yeah

Well now I can't come without hitting women. Well, now you're gonna die. Now the girl. I've done the moan thing one time with Katie. I did it, and she goes, why did you moan like that? I was like, why are you mean? I slapped my own ass. That's fun.

In the middle of, I was slapping her ass doggy style, and then I just slapped my own ass. Just to get a little taste? One for you, one for me? She was enjoying it, so I was like, fuck. And I just, how old are you? 10? No, I was like 18. And you're like, so you're like slapping and you go, and then you go, all right, one for you. She turned her, she stopped. She went, did you slap your own ass? I was like, yeah. Yeah. You felt that. Didn't you? Yeah. Felt me buck in. I

think any, anything, but yes. And in sex is really rude. Yeah. Anything but being like, yeah, slap it. Like to be like, did you just slap your own ass to question? Yeah. You've got to just after the sex be like, Hey, like, could you not slap your own? Not even say that. Just tell your friend that I did it. Don't I want to, what I, what I don't need to know. Yeah. And he kind of like, nah, nah, nah. Do you think if she wouldn't have said anything that would have became a regular, I would have kept doing it. You'd be like, that would be your move now. Yeah. Not my move, but I would have, I, do you think if she wouldn't have said anything that would have became a regular I would have kept doing it you'd be like that would be your move now Yeah, not my move, but I would I it was kind of hot buck your own Bronco and buck my own Bronco Yeah, it starts slapping around. I was fucking a girl one time and

In the middle of it, she's like, I love it in my ass. I didn't know was in her ass. I thought it was a pussy Yeah, it was just so wet. I guess her pussy juice was so wet, it went in her ass, and she's been fucked in the ass so much. I went, I'm in your ass? Like, I didn't, I was like. I'm in your ass? You asked her like, your question? Yeah.

Is this person still in your life? Because I noticed you paused right before you went through with the story. No, I watched the editing. There was a moment where you were like, can I? No, she's not. There was an older woman back when I was living with the Ricarda guys.

He's like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. It was like, she was like 32, and I was like 21. Does Hershey Kiss still live in New York? She's 78 now. I'm not saying anything. Is Hershey Kiss famous? Will she ever be famous, or is she famous now? She's not famous.

She's coming up. She's coming up. Yeah, she's coming out. Yeah. I'm shitting on your dick right now. I'm shitting. When did you have sex with her? It's a while ago.

Like one time ago. How many female comics have you had sex with? One, two, three. He's reliving them in his head. Crunch. He goes, oh, I remember that one. Don't you feel like if there's a- I've had sex with 32 female comics.

Uh-uh-uh. If there's sex with 32 female comics? Oh If there's a woman in comedy that you want to fuck besides my wife Lewis has fucked him I mean Lewis, I mean Lewis or DeRosa DeRosa's fucked a lot of chillerose Lewis in DeRosa the combo have covered all the ground Me and Ross in there and you got everybody covered Comics Keith Keith has fucked a lot of female comics really yeah, he's been around for talking He's fucked white ones. No. He wasn't he was talking about a different stroke Bobby He's fucked. He's fucked comics a hundred percent name three Marina Franklin I'm not any of Rachel fine to get the old cellar table Rachel Feinstein and Schumer

Lin cobblets Rachel Feinstein and Schumer Lynn used to be hot. Yeah. Yeah, we used to host a show called change of heart. I remember that Yeah, just to watch her. No, I fucked Judy Gold. What kidding? I'm kidding. I just shut me down inside I fucked zero female comedian. Really never never, never. That's my rule. Dan, how many female comics you take down? Five. Including? Including the one we know. Yeah, I know. How do I know if Dan's taken down?

I know. I love you take it down like it's a fucking wilderness. Yeah, like it's a fucking safari. Yeah, I don't have them. I don't have the heads mounted on my wall. Him and DeRosa tag them outside of open micers. DeRosa's like, I can get you spots at Eastville. I mean, DeRosa, that's like how they get into comedy. I think for me at this point, like fucking comics, it's...

We're getting DeRosa canceled. This is terrible. No, DeRosa, you're right. I'm going to get a call. Me and DeRosa have like three or four of the same. We've talked about it. You guys are Eskimo brothers? We're Eskimo fucking. Twins? God damn, dude.

Yeah, you could join twins. We're Eskimo can join twins. Yeah, I'm not into it. Yeah, it's always a bad idea. I don't like chicks. I don't wanna die. Not always. Most of the time it's not been a problem.

Like there's been only a couple of gals that it has been a problem with and one of them is dead So really Jesus? Who died who died shut up? Teresa O'Neill you killed I'm married. Oh, I know Had sex with every female Wow, I think Jesus Christ dude. I don't even know a female in that died. Yeah, you know, I don't let's move on

All right. I was I was kidding. I never did that Wow Wow, what a great audience How many female comics how it sex with well Shoo and then like a couple that or I think two maybe more. I had a bitch who showed up at a show, fucked me after the show and then told me she was a comic afterwards. Oh no more. I dated a girl who then after we broke up years later, became a much more successful comedian than me. That's crazy. But I was never a guy. I'll take your industry and I'm going to go get a lot more money from it. I was never a guy that was doing a lot of

like walking up to girls at a bar and be like, Hey, sugar tits, you want to get to know? So I fucked a lot of comedians. So you just knew them. You just knew them in the scene. Hold on, hold on, hold on. You're down playing this. Cause I know I remember Joe the Tom cat. Well, karaoke, I would get laid after karaoke. Some kind of performance late after karaoke. Joe,ie. Joe Lessie. What was your game? How did it happen? He was amazing at karaoke.

He was really good at karaoke. So girls would come up to you and be like, I'm gonna fuck this dweeb. This is a real story. I swear to God, this is a real story. We were at comics when it was still open and we were all drinking. And we go to Woody's Tavern

and there's karaoke at Woody's Tavern on 14th and 8th. And everyone at the bar is not giving a shit about karaoke. But people are doing karaoke. There's a group of us. We all sign up. Couple of the girls we're with start doing karaoke. No one gives a shit. Joe does...

Hurt So Good by John Kugler. John Kugler Melanchemp. John Kugler Melanchemp. John Kugler Melanchemp. He was talking about his herpes source. Yeah. And he did karaoke to the point that everyone at the bar turned around and was into it.

Yeah. They were like, like clapping when John Cougar was actually there. Dude, it was. It was a party starter. It was, Joe was like fucking going over there and singing, it was wild. I also had one, I had one in Charleston, South Carolina

where a girl came up to me after and was like, I don't care what you say say I'm going home with you After just one so we never are these are these hot chicks though. Are these I was cute. I mean Joe's playing in the mud that day. There's a difference between you ever find stuff at a flea market Joe went. Yeah No, I did fuck a hot girl after karaoke one. She really was the butterfly knife of girls Like it looks cool at first, but this is dangerous actually. Why are you doing this?

Why are you open to this? I say, you can't, you can't, I mean, I fucked a lot of chicks through comedy, but they're all hot. Do you know how crazy that is if you're on a date and the girl goes, I hooked up with him, and you go, how'd you meet him? She goes, I saw him at karaoke, he'd be like.

This is a great topic. But I did special. Actually, I wanna hear, did he get laid at that Cougar melancam I was with a girl that I was hooking up with and then she went after me and I buried her I mean buried her and I remember what she sang to what she's saying. She sang ground control to made I went outside and smoked a cigarette during it right in her face. I had to walk in front of her to go smoke It was like I started the party

it right in her face. I had to walk in front of her to go smoke. It was like I started the party. I was like, how you doing? Everyone was going nuts and then she sang that fucking dud and then everyone was actually Joe DeRosa was with us because Joe and I went outside to smoke. It was literally one or however many years ago from last Tuesday. Joe's throwing his birthday party again all week. I don't understand. Every day Joe had heard five birthday parties like a woman. I got an invite. He showed up at Legion of Stanks with his own birthday cakes and for a surprise I don't understand every day. Joe had heard my heart is like a woman Thanks with his own birthday cakes in for a surprise party for himself No, I swear he showed up with his own birthday cake with his own birthday cake and threw a surprise party for himself on legion of skanks Hold on what yeah, I will deny it's my birthday coming out tomorrow that is I'm texting him right now

He showed up with his own cake. Yeah. And who'd he give it to? And birthday hats. And birthday hats for everybody. I don't get it. This is what happens when you move to Austin. You become unchecked.

It's true. Joe DeRosa lives in Austin? Yeah, but he's been doing this for years. He's been doing that here. He throws this big party, hey, my birthday party. He makes flyers. Yeah. Here's what he did was he throw a birthday party on Saturday.

Then Tony Hinscliffe asked him to do the garden, to do a spot. So he left his own birthday party and left and everyone was pissed off from somebody. When he went back to Joey roses, they put up decorations just for tone bells birthday party. That's fun. That's fun.

I like that. That's funny. He left his own birthday party. He's a fucking climber. I throw my own big, huge birthday every year. That's crazy. Hey guys, let's take a quick moment and thank my bookie for supporting today's funny. He left his own birthday party. He's a fucking climber. I throw my own big huge birthday every year. That's crazy Hey guys, let's take a quick moment and thank my bookie for supporting today's show We love my book either an online sports book and casino platform that lets you bet on every game and win anytime All from your mobile device if you guys watch sports

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when you sign up and you're gonna claim a bonus up to $1,000 on your first deposit. Once again, that is my bookie. Just use the link that we actually have in the episode description and use that promo code regs for up to a thousand dollars on your first deposit. That's right. Don't ever miss out on the action bet anything, anywhere, anytime, only with my bookie. There's no need to download an app. Just click the link, baby. My bookie. You did a, you did a Tony thing how was it it was awesome yeah it was kind of crazy though why what do you mean what do you mean they told me they might

be putting me on stage on Saturday this all they said to me it was like we're doing like a Legends bucket thing we're gonna pull up like real comics for context kill Tony did Madison Square Garden Friday and Saturday night sold it out sold it out what bonfires missing crazy energy crazy energy and so energy. And so he was like, he was like, we're gonna probably put you on on Saturday. He was like, but you're coming Friday too, come hang out, whatever. So I'm there, and I guess they were just ahead of schedule.

So they were like, all right, let's throw Lewis up. I'm outside smoking a joint with Big J. I'm not even looking at my phone. I get 15 missed calls from Ari Shafir from the producers. And I'm like, what's going on? They're like, oh, we need you on stage right now. What? So then, I'm at the garden and I'm like, what's going on? They're like, oh, we need you on stage right now. What? At the garden.

I'm wearing a dirty hoodie and sweatpants. I run inside, the elevator is stuck with a medical emergency upstairs, so I'm literally just pouring sweatpants, like, oh, what's happening? And I just fucking ran up there and fucking, that's why I was, look, the joke went great, obviously it was-

How long did you do? Like two and a half minutes, two minutes, something like that. But they didn't hit you with the cat meow, did they? No, no, no, no, they just were letting people do regular comics, do what they want to do, but it was very nerve-racking. So you do one joke? I did one joke. What was the joke?

My new opener for my new hour. And that's how you get one joke and then you walk off? They told me I could really do what I wanted. They said kind of keep it short, you know. I think Big Jay did like three minutes. Yeah, but you had no idea what was going to happen. No, Jarroza did a minute. Joey Diaz did like a minute.

It just depends on, people just did what they sort of wanted to do. Did somebody, did anybody bomb? Yes. He just, he, let me tell you right now, he just edited the way you edited when you were talking about your sex with a dude. Everybody gets one edit today.

Everybody gets an edit. Louis just went, I'm scared and scared and scared. How do I say that he didn't bomb? No, no, no, no. There was a couple of people who just didn't get like big pops. Well, it's not a hot room. It's the garden. I've played garden three times.

I fucking got all three times. Also, I've done it. I got a residency. I'm Billy Joel. But it's a minute. It's a minute. It's tougher than having 20 minutes or 50 minutes. It's not. So tougher than having 20 minutes or 50 minutes. No, no, no, it's not.

So that crowd was so fucking hyped to see real comics come out and fucking. Well, I was trying to make this fucking loser feel better, whoever they are. Yeah, no, no, they also didn't bomb. They just didn't. The person I'm talking about got like a standing ovation pop and then had as mild of a set as well.

That's all it was. But it was it but it was Clay no You heard it here first they have two names or three names you guys can watch it Does he smoke cigarettes around his head? But my I would have gone bigger had I been more prepared I would have gone I would have been I would have fucking you know fucking throwing water into the crowd I would have fucking fucking karate chop drogan in the chest I would have fucking you

Over the table fuck you You would have kissed Rogan's hand And you would double handshake Shane. I miss you by the elbow. Yeah, I miss you I miss you Tony. I also like the idea that you have time to prepare what you come up with this throw water Oh, dude, if I had a little bit of preparation time that first row would have been so I also like the idea that you have time to prepare what you come up with this throw water Dude if I had a little bit of preparation time that first row would have been so So bad if I was in the front row I would have gone wild or it was so far I came in it was so funny the way Ari came in and that we know why cuz Ari is like there

He's like their son that they don't have in any of the pictures Yeah And he just shows up and does fucked up shit like a family holidays that he walked out, he's like their son that they don't have in any of the pictures. And he just shows up and does fucked up shit like at the family holidays. Did he walked out and he was like, like he was like pro wrestling. He was in the back of the stadium and they just have a picture of,

Ari comes on the screen and he's like, fuck this piece of shit show. The crowd's like, ah! He's like, fuck this crowd too, this shitty smelly city. Some girl, some hot chick comes up and she's like trying to hug him. He's like, get the fuck away from me.

You're ugly. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I love Ari. So God damn fucking just didn't even do a joke. He just fucking trashed the show. I love a fake take out. It was great, dude.

He was afraid to bomb. So I heard they couldn't pull dicks out. That's why they got a thing where they got rules. He was going to charge $100,000 if he pulled his dick out. If Ari pulled his dick out, yeah. Ari could have been arrested. They have sponsors, and if they lose any of their sponsors, they would have.

No, it was the garden. Yeah, the garden, that's what I'm saying. The garden had sponsors. That's so funny. Yeah. Ari Shaffir's in trouble for pulling his penis out $100,000. That would have been nuts. That's really funny.

The Big East tournament this year will be a Barclays Billy Joel goes I ain't playing there again So it was good you good. Did you go up Saturday night, too? No, I just went up Friday. Did you go down Saturday? Yeah, I went. No, that's fun. Great. Big party Yeah, yeah good times, you know, I was in San Jose, which is Spanish for destroyed downtown So we're done with kill Tony. I guess we're done with jokes Sorry Party. Oh, yeah, there was fucked us. Was that DeRosa's birthday party? No, no

They just did an after party at the stand on Friday night and then they did Rosa bring a cake to that Yeah, try is at the stand. Yeah, the first night then second. I was like some rooftop bar magic hour I Don't know sounds right up form What did you perform at the after party magic magic? No, I didn't but have you been watching my magic lately. I have been pretty fucking good. Yeah, are you getting ready for skankfest? Oh, yeah, I got to meet Penn and Teller. What is James is huge What if he's like bigger than Nate's dad magic as magic yeah um maybe you know we'll see I don't know I don't know if he's gonna continue to do magic for the rest of his life I don't know if it's a career

he's 11 I hope so you know the dark arts can most people don't start their careers at 11 how did you get to meet up how did you get most great magicians probably started before Danny's a magician Danny when did you start Danny come show me a magic trick I started when I was like seven but I haven't done it in like five six years Danny Danny has a collection of thumbs yeah I saw teller no nice up pens penis so you see pens penis when I said that again, maybe I shouldn't be saying this Were you molested by then? I was not um, but I I used when I was like a kid. I used to collect these penises This is a collect as the magic problem called a thumbtip and I would ask famous magicians for their personal thumb tips

And as a kid I went to see Penn and Teller show and I asked Teller if he had a thumbtip He's teller or pen I asked Teller to if he I could have he didn't answer anyone yeah I heard teller talk which was weird backstage hey man oh hey man no Puerto Ricans in the green don't look like you know I mean man that's why I be silent man we wouldn't have gotten off the ground if they do I talk like this hey Say hey, that's Louis J. Gomez. Say hey. My man. What it is.

Cool as ice right here, up high, down low. Slam it down low, my man. Anyways, I got to go back and be quiet. All right, go ahead. What happened Danny? So then Taylor brought me backstage to his dressing room, got the thumb tip. I mean you got the thumb tip. I did not.

Then Taylor signed his thumb tip and I go, is there any way that you can get a thumb tip on a guy who's got a thumb tip? I mean, I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm got the thumb tip. I mean, you got the letter. I do not. Then he, he's tell her, sign his thumb tip. And I go, is there any way that a pen could sign as well? Does pen have his? He goes, there's no way pen has one here, but I go, could you think he could sign yours? So he not tell her goes over to Penn's grid dressing room, knocks on his door, Penn goes, who is it?

He goes, Taylor, uh, Penn goes, just get in here and suck me. Oh no, there's a boy with you. Earn your half. Danny wasn't autistic before this happened. We're realizing this is all the trauma that made him just look down and be fucking retarded. Teller opens the door, because he, Pen said come in

because he thought it was Teller, but he was naked and then he closed the door. Oh shit, close the door for a second. But I saw for a second. You just saw they had to be hammer a hammer I did you six foot five six. Yeah, but he was also so big so I don't yes I don't know I was so quick, but I saw for a second But he's kind of you act the way you reacted you almost are saying that he has a small dick No, no, no, it's and it's not small, but he's huge so you can pull it off though, which is crazy Yeah, but that does sound he wasn't I like Joe. That was a good one. That was pretty good.

He can pull it off. That's for, you know, like how many thumbs do you own too many? How many? Like 30, you know, it's 30 magicians, new Patrick Harris is a bunch of people who has 30 thumbs and collects thumbs. Do you have a thumb? A magician never reveals a secret. You should get Lewis's thumb. Yeah, why don't you get Lewis's? Yeah, have him sign it. Oh, add Lewis's to the collection. Do you have David Copperfield's thumb?

No. They have no respect for David Copperfield in Vegas, by the way. Every magician's like, yo, fuck that guy. How did you come to be backstage at Penn and Teller? They have no respect for Chris Angel. Yeah, they don't like Chris Angel. They don't like Chris Angel at all. Who's the most hated magician Chris angel Chris angel might be the most hated magician I mean, it's like the man but I found out that David Copperfield is this the Self-made billionaire him and Oprah the like two of the only self-made billionaires in the world

David Copperfield sold more tickets than any other entertainment person in history Yeah, he has like he's like he bought the theater at the casino and he owns a private island. Yeah, but isn't it right next to Epstein Island and he's on the Epstein list too. Is he really a different guy? He goes when they swim over here they go missing. I make them disappear. Where are the underage girls? How did you get backstage? Dr. Drew. Shout out doctors. Whoa. I was posting that I was going to see Penn and Teller and then somebody was like you. Dr. Drew. Shout out doctors. Oh, double. I was posting that I was going to see Penn and Teller and then

somebody was like, you know, Dr. Drew is really close with Penn. And then I just hit up Dr. Drew was like, dude, I'm bringing him I was like, we could set up a meet and greet. And it wasn't even a meet and greet. It was a straight up green room backstage. It was just like few other magicians that were in town that they were for a conference. So there was just them talking shop and me and James just sitting there like little fucking fanboys

I mean, that's an amazing it was amazing for me. I grew up loving Penn and Teller bullshit you know all the shit that they do is awesome like That's the kind of stuff that makes James a magician for life. Maybe possibly we did a private magic or makes him go I don't want to go not with them another magician makes him like I don't want to be a fucking queer like these guys Yeah, he grows up because I don't know. I think my dad is trying to turn me gay Respect magic. I love magic. I would never do magic. There's some there's assholes. Oh, so you're doing a magic trick and they're like What's that? What's that? What's that right there? You're like dude magic's not real you fucking jerk off That's my son. I told my son to say that to his mom. I was like next time she does that be like mom

She does that she does it to James. Yeah, magic's not real. Let me just do the art. There's like there's a there's a performance here That's the skill and you're obviously sleight of hand like wait for real though his mom does that she's like, what's that coin? What is that? Are these real cards? Let me see the cards. Let me see what it's set up I like let him live let him live his dream Jesus lady, maybe if you did this dad would still be around No, you didn't make him show all the angles. That's fucking awesome though. That is, that's like a thing, Joe's right.

That's a thing that gets you committed to magic for life because you meet Penn and Teller when you're 11. It was really cool. You really are against magic. I love magic. I'm just saying that it's not the thing that makes somebody want to do magic. But it will be a job in 20 years. It will be a-

Other other jobs won't exist anymore. Magic? Magic? Yeah. Magic is magic? Yeah. Magic stays around for so long. So here's the thing, it's kind of like pro wrestling in that, so the internet, it looked like it was, it was seemingly that the internet was gonna ruin magic, right, because you could just look up the trick.

Sure. Right, it's kind of difficult to like, people know the secrets, but now that the internet's become so big, magic's actually bigger than ever, because now people are like interested in seeing how it works. Well it's what you do. And if you're good at it, we know that it's K-Fave and pro wrestling.

It's just what you said though, it's about pulling it off. It's like, yeah, we know it's not real. We know wrestling's not real, but how do they pull off a fucking suplex off the top right? Now back in the day, you see The Undertaker's on a podcast now and he's just talking about it, it's like, yeah, so when I fell off the hell in the cell, that was crazy, they had this set up.

That was against the rules of wrestling. Remember that show that came out on Fox where that guy was like magician? No, the mass magician, but also the mass. They did wrestling. I didn't know that. They showed Fox did a whole thing about how, like how they blade, like how all this stuff that I remember watching that being like, I know. Like when they touch their hand, they do this. That means they're really hurt. Yeah. When they, anytime somebody doesn't move, the ref goes over and grabs the guy's hand, grab my hand.

When they go like he does, he does this. And if he squeezes back, he's all right. Yeah. When they go like this, it means something's for real bad. Yeah. If you ever see it, I see there is probably people being like, yeah, fucking hurt. Like, if you're in a wrestling match and they do something, the ref does this. That means he's when Owen Hart broke Stone Cold's neck with that pile I know that one you see it and then fucking Stone Cold finished the match. Yeah, it was like the worst finish of all time Yeah, he was just like just get on me Through a monomers like one two three. Wow, what a match. But yeah magic that you're right it's like now the people just care more about pulling it off like What if a rabbit came out of his mouth? I would have been like, man, give up comedy, dude. Give up comedy. You are the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. Well, you know what? Rick Rubin's, you know, Rick Rubin's obsessed with wrestling.

Yeah. Yeah, he goes like summer slamming shit all the time. Yeah, it's like his favorite thing. But he said because everyone knows it's fake, it makes it the realest thing. Yeah. Like every reality shows and sport, everyone's like, is that real? Is this real wrestling? It's just everyone. You know, Rick Rubin doesn't even know how to play an instrument. Doesn't know how to work a board. Knows nothing about music at all. He just knows how to go. That's good. Yep. That's the only talent he has is that I like that. But then you see all the albums he did and you're like, there's gotta be something there. Yeah, but would they have made that with any other producer? I don't know, I love Rick Rubin. But that's his thing. What? Knowing nothing?

He doesn't know how to work aboard. Steve Jobs wasn't a programmer. Steve Jobs understood how to make people work together and create products that had utility masses. He knew how to be a tyrant and tell you go fucking do it, you piece of shit. That was always my... That's what you take away from Steve Jobs. That's what everybody says Left his children left everybody didn't even know that child. He was 20 years old. He got this crazy bitch, right?

Yeah, yeah, I love jobs. Do you yeah Sir in my bedroom what a quote of rap it's a poster of his face made up of his quotes in thick and thin His daughter money they were like poor that's not true. You guys hear bits and pieces of it What I already made a deal with the devil and that's why I called Yeah, and the devil what kind of You know the the I know what he did was no what he did what he did was he got a bitch pregnant when he was in College he was like this is actually verbatim what it's what's written in the biography Oh

And she was a crazy fucking bitch she was like imagine Did she fuck so good she's on top of it imagine you get a crazy I I had a crazy bitch tell me she was pregnant We've had a lot of crazy bitches tell you that I did I don't know exactly who it was and I remember that drama Never say that next time Good she's on top of it. Imagine you get a crazy. I I had a crazy bitch Tell me she was pregnant once had a lot of crazy bitches tell you that I don't know exactly who it was and I remember That drama never say that name. I never will never say it's like Beetlejuice. You don't even say once I don't risk it cuz I'm only two more times away from getting her back in my life I remember mention being we were very like we'd hang out every day and I remember that happening You crazy bitch dude. Bethany, Susan, Jill, Jenny, Michelle, Kelly Fustuka.

She's like, oh no, I never see that. But if I got her pregnant, there's no way I would have been a good dad. I would have tried to deny that it was my child. This is a fucking absolute lunatic. So he's a kid, he gets his bitch pregnant and he creates this fucking company and he hates her and he doesn't believe it's his kid because She's a slut so he's like yeah Fuck you get a paternity test and then when she got the period this was fucked up She got the paternity test he paid her the minimum or the the the minimum that the state told him that he had to pay Which are like 150 bucks a month or something at the time

When he just became like worth a few hundred million dollars which that's cool but then then he ended up having a great relationship with his daughter his daughter ends up fucking growing up and they have a great his other daughter no no that daughter maybe if you ever read the the biography you that he wrote that's He wrote? Uh, no, it's not. Well, it's not. It actually wasn't. That's got to rule the run-through of biography. But in the movie that they made of him... With starring Ashton Kutcher? No, the other one. No, the other one.

Michael Fassbender. I love Fassbender. They didn't have a good relationship. Fassbender, did you ever see that one? No. They didn't have a good relationship in that one. In the first third of it, you fucking lazy, falling asleep asshole. In the second and third.

You know what? That's true. I did fall asleep during it. Dude, I didn't know you're such a jobsophile. Love, dude. Of course he you know that's a true sleep during it dude I didn't know you're such a jobs a file love do you see as he's a fucking pirate he doesn't know anything he yells at people to do shit where's the black turtleneck where's the tiny glass I need a fucking network what if I told you we podcast and word. Sprinkle in my past and word. You guys are getting it.

That's what we did with the real reveal of the iPhone. Makes me get me choked up. It does get me choked up. Choked up. Destroyed society. Apple had a thing every year. This big convention when they introduced their new product. They still have it, but it's not jobs.

No, it sucks now. He used to go in and see Journey now. They would always do this. At the end of it, he would announce all the bullshit. And at the end, he'd go, one more thing. And the crowd would go nuts like a fucking concert. Like you two was on stage. It was crazy.

Like they were fucking losing their minds. And then he did the. When they were introducing the iPhone, right? Because they already had the iPad. Yeah, they they was like we're they didn't have the iPad. No, I'm sorry They did not little known fact iPad was being developed before the iPhone You know why they took the the technology from the iPad team to release the iPhone, you know, why why? They he went to a party and somebody from Microsoft was talking shit like we're we're inventing a tablet it's going to take over the revolutionize the world

and blah blah blah we'll be the first ones to do he got so mad he went back that night and called his team together we're fucking doing a tablet I want all hands on deck they created this fucking tablet they had it on the table. What the big differentiator and what they... They were, hang on, they were sitting around the room and they were like, everybody was on their Blackberries. Everybody was, and he's like, he's looking at everybody on their phones. He's like, we don't need to fucking do a tablet.

We need to make this smaller. Make, and he goes, make that into a fucking phone. Just so you know, I know the whole story. Yeah, that's not how. None of that is true. Absolutely true. Bobby just made an entire scene that never happened. Bobby, it happened.

It fucking happened 100%. I have no idea. 100%. He goes, dude, I'm on, he goes, you're on your phone. He goes, my phone? He goes, no, iPhone. No. iPhone.

I swear to God. They had, they had the actual tablet shooting down the technology, shooting onto a table that where you can touch it and all that, so they invented that, the touchscreen. And the guy looked around. What they invented was. They invented the, whatever it's called. So this is like listening to two guys behind a gas station.

Because he doesn't fucking know, I'm telling you the fucking. But you're not saying the right thing. I'm saying the right thing. The reason they invented the phone is from the, they invented the tablet. It doesn't matter, move on. Fine, yeah, we believe you. No, I want you to fucking believe me, believe me.

We're having a jobs off. Are you done? Nope. Not until you say I believe you, Bob. What if I told you? Nope, I want you to say it in my face. One more thing. You guys are supposed to go nuts.

No, the technology is, you could press like the what made it different was you could press down on it Soft or hard that was the big thing with iPhone right and that's what they ended up Trying to look at a revolutionizing Tactile no, it's not tactile tactile strategy Technology No, it's not tactile. It's tactile. That's not the word strategy Technology The iPhone was first yes, but they were developing they were developing the iPad first Jesus Christ, but you don't like somebody jumping in I'm so funny

I finally why don't we work together with these fucking idiots? I finally found out a thing that Lewis actually loves sincerely and takes like earnestly and it's Steve Jobs. I love it, because you like the way you're talking right now. He's like starting to do it and it's like, that's not, that's like if he was trying to explain Summer Slam to you and I go, that's actually not what happened. You have to understand it.

And like I would get like upset or I'd go. No, but what we did is in the reveal in the big giant conference, he was, when the iPhone first came out, he was like, we're actually developing three new products. He was like, he was like a portable web browser. He was like a new MP3 player that will play up to 10,000 songs.

iPod. The iPod was already out before that. Let me finish what I'm saying. They were saying the iPod, new iPod. Yes, a new and new player and a phone and he was like that's right three products a navigation and I or an iPod and a phone and then people started getting it he was like it's actually one product the people like they were so happy dude the best and then it ruins society it was a web browser not

navigation and it's still ruined society it was ruins society. It was a web browser not navigation And it still ruins society it was a bother me. It was a web browser dude. I'm trying to help you Why can't I help you you said navigation it was navigation they didn't have maps. Can I say I do like navigation? That's my favorite part of it the Apple navigation stinks Google Maps Google Maps is a shit Google Maps is the best Google Maps is the best Yeah, no, it was a web browser a phone. Let's move on an iPod I'm sure web browser phone. I went iPod web browser phone. I browser phone and then Went to Steve Jobs's house the the garage there and Cupertino Cupertino right by Stanford Why Cupertino Cupertino right by Stanford

I'm trying to be the jobs guy. I'm the jobs guy. I'm the I'm a jobs guy, too I was a jobs guy before you dude. He was yeah, buddy. I had I had a Mac classic. I had the first portable computer, the Mac classic. It was a square. You I literally took it. It was the first portable computer. It was a Mac classic, had a little screen this big, had a bag. I took it to college. It's a big Mac classic. It weighed like fucking 10 pounds. I was a mad guy before you. I'm with you on it. I love Steve Jobs. Why do you get mad at me? What else do you know? Do you know?

Yeah. How did he feel about parking in handicap spaces? He he loved it. He loved it. He fucking loved it. This is the part of he wouldn't he wouldn't put a license plate on his car because he didn't like the way it looked. So we just park in handicapped spaces like he would like to the thing. We turn the car sideways to take up to any cab spaces because it was a Mercedes Benz and he would just pay the tickets.

He was like, yeah, I'm not putting a license plate on my car. Who knows his birthday. Whoever gets closer. It loves jobs more. We'll do. Yeah, I want month date in the year January that you don't know. Give me all three. I fucking know it dude. No, don't look at your phone. I can't use the internet. I can just use the picture of the quote graph on my wall, which has data. No, no, January 17th 1963

It was it was not 1963 Good guess Bob. It was night It was 1965 1965 and it was October 28th he died in October. Can I get no guess? Yeah, I'm going to guess 1954. Nope. June 2nd. Dan like Steve jobs the most. No, he was the closest without going over. You guys, you

retards made him 30 years old in the mid 90s. Steve jobs is born February 24th, 1955. I was, I was the closest. It was actually birthday. I said 65. You did say January, but the year is what most important. I just, you guys know his middle name. I was eight. Yeah. You're eight years old. Middle name. I know his middle name. Fuck. I'm gonna believe it. Steve Lewis. Guess doesn't have a Michael Michael. Michael, good guess. That's great. Close Miguel Paul. How is that my Michael close to his father's name is Paul jobs. Yes it is. Look it up. Check it. Check it. Check it. Go to college. He went to Stanford. No, we didn't go to Stanford. He went to, it was in California, Johnson and Wales was not in California. He went to

Yale. He went to DeVry. No, he went to Reed college. R E didn't graduate. Reed didn't graduate true that he did not graduate. Didn't graduate. Neither did a Elon Musk didn't graduate. Read didn't graduate true that he did not grad didn't graduate. Neither did a Elon Musk didn't graduate. No kidding. A lot of millionaires billionaires. Well, Elon Musk's that's family money. That's family. He made his money off of PayPal. You're from his family money. He invested his dad's money. And then part of it was that when he left, he had to be credited. All right, let's move on from the Steve jobs trivia. This is adding nothing funny to the show. We're not getting any jokes. It was a when he left he had to be credited. All right, let's move on to the Steve Jobs trivia This is adding nothing funny to the show. We're not getting Funny it was a very huge hell was big. I mean we had a lot of laughs

65 made you look retarded. That's funny In October of 2003 Steve Jobs was diagnosed with what pancreatic cancer cancer cancer ass cancer cancer Yeah, and he went to yes he could he could have survived if he stayed here he had the best doctors available to do it he could have survived he why didn't he do that because he wanted to holistic loser and were they like um mr drubbs i hate to you this, but you went the wrong way. You are going to die. If he got, if he went to doctors here, he would have been around.

He could have gone to Dr. Drew. Yeah. He would have been around. Could have met Penn. Penn would make that stand. Wait, is that for real? If he would have gone to a doctor, he would have survived? Yeah.

Well, they say that, it's not guaranteed, but they said he was, he knew about it early enough. It was curable. Yeah, it was curable. Yep. And he was just like, no, but here's my question about Steve Jobs, because you're talking about like the parking. It was curable. Yeah, it was curable. Yep. And he was just like, no. But here's my question about Steve Jobs, because you're talking about the parking thing

and all this stuff. Is the things that did that that ultimately killed him the reason he was so successful? Because he was like, no, fuck that. I'm going to do it this way? No. Is that that personality trait that got him? Probably, yes.

Yes. That was like, fuck license plates. Yes, he didn't. He wasn't looking at things inside of the box He you know made up his own rules and just sort of like, you know, cuz people would you know He was the guy who would make people feel like shit was possible That was impossible like that their whole team like if you talk about the people that were like in the inside of a scene They talked about Steve Jobs like he was a fucking god and then there was some low-level people that were like this is the fucking devil

He's like the most evil man. Then he also left Apple because they know he got fired. He got fired. The board booted him out back when he initially had the success. They booted him up because the money, he actually said that one of his speeches, that he said the second money is introduced to a company, creativity dies. That's why we're never introducing any money. Well, not because I don't want to make any money. He was he was he went off the rails. They brought him back.

Can I give a little context? I'm sorry, I'm just kidding. Because of money. Move on. It's not exactly because of money. Yes it was. Let me fucking talk, please. Why are you talking to me like an employee fuckfaker?

Because you're- I'm fucking adding to it. I know about it, yes I do. You're leading the narrative when you know very little about Steve Jobs. Don't use the word narrative, I hate when you use the word narrative. Lewis, Bobby.

Why do you and Big J both hate me using the word narrative? I don't, I don't. He recently said to me, he was like, what is your new word, narrative? Well you use it a lot. Yeah, it's. Pause, pause real quick.

What do you want him to do? Guys, we're gonna get to the Steve Jobs thing. It's the only word that would make sense. Can we please call this episode, You know what? Steve Jobs double blow job. Because you guys are both sucking him off. Can we please call this episode you know Steve Jobs double blowjob? Both sucking him off he left the when he got fired the originally by the way the necklace bit is hilarious He yeah, you look like a real Kinzo

Very funny you can take it off now too much He he originally got fired because the company the board booted him out because they didn't like the way we can do that No, we can't And then they they brought in the head of I believe the head of Pepsi, correct? One of the guys that we all saw the movie. I didn't From this fucking you fucking you're you're a renown. That's what you are. You're a fucking you're a fucking renown. You're no anti-semitism They they fight comedian and they brought him back

What? Now, you know what though? I like this. This is like a couple telling the story and the girlfriend Heard the story from the boyfriend who read the book I'm saying that they brought him back. When they brought him back, it's because the company was failing. The company was the biggest company ever. And then it went down because they would not, Microsoft made an open platform for everybody to use. You could take it and do whatever you want. Apple was like, they had their own printers. had their own There there every all their software was Apple Apple Apple and these Microsoft was like fuck it We're gonna open it up to everybody anybody can do anything shout out any any printer anybody any you can make any

Monitor can be used with our shit. Apple was everything Apple Everybody remembers those windows commercials when the Rolling Stones did start me up and then Microsoft was making way more money than Apple and Apple was tanking because there was so it was a closed platform. And Steve wanted it. The Phoebe the Joey and then Steve came back when they brought him back. Finally, he actually came out with the point of how much this sucks. No, we're gonna get your time in court. Let Bobby go.

Let the boy cook. Bobby retelling the Steve Jobs movie is the worst bit we've ever done on this podcast. Well guess what, now we have a new look. He's adding no context, nothing else. I'm at, what do you mean no context? You're just retelling the story of the movie. Can I tell you right now?

He's telling a story like a guy wearing a chain. I just like that, I like that. Neither one of you is claiming to have read the book. I do read the book. I said three times that have read the book. I do read the book. I said three times that I read the book. I've read the book twice and I listened to the audiobook twice. I read the book twice. Really?

You didn't read the book. You never read the book. And I listened to the audiobook once. He was reading it when he saw the plane going down on the Hudson. Yeah! You remember that when he saw the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Can I point out also that a plane went down in Brazil last week And did not glide down that it literally just Latino piles of you know why they're all so sexed up all they're thinking about big juicy butts and not how to take a plane

What do you bring it up Danny? Something else In court no no no it's fine. I want to move on it's literally not interesting I Disagree I disagree too. I think it's very interesting. I love Me telling the version of it now would be even less interesting than the first time that we but I personally love Bobby was a hundred Right. I love watching Mike. Don't quit. I didn't do it. I just want to move on to another. It could be funny Don't guys I'm saying as someone to sit in here listening. I love watching my friends ball-washing billionaires Suck them all off and by the way people they've give context for that because you guys were like all miracle on the Hudson

The reason it was called a miracle on the Hudson was because it's not very easy to glide a plane unto water But they did that happened one time no no because we're acting like oh planes just glide if they wouldn't call the miracle on Hudson if that's just what happened. It's a miracle that everybody lived. What does a plane look like? A bird. Absolutely. What do birds do? They glide over the water.

And it's a miracle that they can do it. No, I'm just saying you guys were like, oh, planes just glide. No, they can. That, they can't. You're naming the one time in history that that happened. It's not the one time. It's the one famous time.

No, it's the one time. It was a miracle, miracle. It was like a miracle that it happened. It was a plane that fucking flipped over and landed upside down with Denzel Washington. That's a movie, Bobby. You're describing another movie. That actually happened.

Great film. That really happened. Did that actually happen, or did they exaggerate? What, flight? That happened. Flight, actually, I enjoyed flight. Flight was great. Flight fucking ruled.

I did enjoy flight. It's like a two-hour a meeting Yeah, and then John Goodman rule He gives him coke to be able to fuck his sympathy for the devil and when the fucking refrigerators banging in the hotel Yeah, he's like I am an alcoholic. I'm drunk right now This guy's fucking great movie Robertson Meckis. Okay, let's take a quick moment and thanks small batch cigar comm for supporting today's show We love a small bad guys guys. Did you guys get Joe's cigars yet? I know no no we gotta get him a cigar I think we got him he actually waiting hard. He loves cigars and the way these guys do cigars is incredible

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I'm telling you right now, I really love them. I smoke a cigar probably once or twice a week right now, which is more than enough for me. But they've turned me from somebody who would be like, I don't even know. It's a little bit intimidating to now. I feel like I do know a little bit about cigars and what's great about them is that they have the most thorough Packaging in the industry. It's really really it's airtight They give Boveda packs which keep the humidity for the cigars Which is so if you order cigars online most of the time they don't have Boveda packs

So by the time they get to you which usually takes a week or two They're fucking dried out. They taste like shit not with small batch cigar every order delivers in two to three days And once again free Boveda packs with every purchase and the packing is the best because they make sure the cigars get to you in Perfect condition sometimes these people send stuff to you and the cigar will come messed up the most thorough packing in the industry Just use code regs 10 Discount code for 10% off plus 5% off reward points you want it they got it Great movie. All right. Yeah, let's watch doesn't miss Brazil plane crashes in Brazil, Sao Paulo killing all 62 on board. Everybody saw this Wow goes yeah, let's do no volume. I wouldn't do multimedia. Let's just do a singular media, please

Let's do no volume. I wouldn't do multimedia. Let's just do a singular media, please Can't you hear me dropping in just seconds falling out of this? I mean it just falls straight out of the sky He might say I let did something else let's hear what he said Let's see and we all know how impossible it is to simply glide a plane down Yes, be chair Robert some Walt is also a retired 737 captain. Doesn't look retarded. You see the airplane spiraling, that looks to me like a flat spin. What caused the speed to... Oh my, imagine you're on that plane, what would you be doing?

Being like, I'm gonna die. Do you think you'd start crying? I would text you and be like, you know what, you were right. These don't glide. You were right. There was more to that job story. I want to hear what fucking basketball head has to say. I would text you and be like, you know what? You were right. These don't glide. You're right. There was more to that job. I want to hear what fucking basketball head has to say.

When are you gonna push the play button? It's the triangle. Press play, guys. Look how close this person was to the crash. As the plane comes down just feet away. Feet? Crash sent dark. Yeah. I mean, that seems like probably at least 500. I mean we're feet away 2 million 485 feet away Boy oh boy, I thought it was called voila airlines and they go. Oh there you go. No one on the ground was hurt

Should be called voyeur you watch it fall fuck No one on the ground was hurt. I got that the ATR should be called voyeur. You watch it fall fuck Keep going Herboprop popular with regional carriers was traveling from coscovel to Sao Paulo flying at 17,000 feet It was nearing the airport when the apparent stall occurred What's in that house that's what I mean go back, so here's my point. Yeah, also the stall Marco Also with eight when they died do you think those ghosts are just in their backyard So they're having like night swims. They're just gonna see like ghosts. Maybe they're backyard. Maybe I like these

I like to ask spooky questions. You did a plane sound. There was no there was no engine I like to ask spooky questions. You did a plane sound, there was no engine. It was more like this. From Cascavel to Sao Paulo. Yeah, and it stalled. That's different than an engine going out. Right? What do you mean? When the passengers on board.

Wait, let's see. Know something was wrong at that point. Did he just ask the dumbest question I've ever heard? Passengers know? He was like, do you think the passengers knew that they were free falling out of the sky? When it stopped, they started spinning. Do you think the passengers knew that we weren't going forward anymore when they slammed into the ceiling falling airplane. I'm gonna pause Avengers

Why is my tea going up she never brought me by the fucking the cart. The the the. Are we going to do this? Are we falling? If we just see Bill. Yeah. Speaking of tea going up, how's the testosterone? I don't know.

I haven't got it tested, but I've been drinking a few weeks. You feel good. Feel good. I'll tell you how you came in here. That testosterone's going. It was hot. Yeah. I feel like I got some of it. Yeah, maybe. Just because I like Steve Jobs too.

Well, I'd probably say you're trying to say you like Steve Jobs. You're sort of stealing my thing, which is my problem. I don't know. I want to move on because I want to get to it. This is why I want to get to it. Because I'm a Steve Jobs guy. No, I love Bobby. Buddy, from now on, when Steve Jobs comes up,

I'll just back off. Please. OK. I didn't know it was going to be given more context and more detail. You just fucking, you know. I hijacked it. I hijacked it.

Yes, I enjoy a plane joke while we're talking planes. What did he mess up? I enjoy that. What did he mess up? Just some of the context. He just, he was very obviously just repeating the no no No plot of the movie. I just like Steve Jobs, too But I didn't know you don't know I love you have no feeling towards Steve John love Steve Jobs

I was the first person posters you have in your room to that's a lie. I took him down Down I helped him. I have yeah, I took the posters. Yeah, he has one above his bed I actually have a Steve Jobs Quotograph I have a Steve Jobs medal that he was what some of the quotes give me two of your favorite quotes Work faster you stupid pig Hey, you fucking nerds get this done. You don't have a family when you work here Two quotes. I don't know Yes, you're hitting There it is. Oh, that's the one you have. That's the one that I have that is in zoom in I'll tell you that my favorite ones

Yeah Let's see, but Life wouldn't want to do what I am about to do today What? Creation is messy. I've always been I say that when I build stuff with my poop Proud of what we don't you know, I don't really love any of these quotes. It's fine. Why is it in your room? Look, I like his image You like him holding his chin and staring at you yeah

Also to take a picture like this seriously and not go. What am I doing? Yeah, he's a dork But hey, I got an iPhone All right bed That's that. Well when he left the company the company sticks. They haven't created anything new We haven't done anything new since he left he created really really original thought Bob What are you fucking attacking me for? I'm mad at you I don't know why you met To be stolen Valor jobs. I'm saying

What is what has been created since he left every year? He came up with something new a new design the the the the computer on the the iPod the iPhone the the iPad he just Portrait mode they just make the same thing every year now because they make more money in fucking dongles and other bullshit than they do the actual phone. They it's all about fucking money now. I guess you never heard of portrait mode that came up. That was pretty so hot. That's pretty good. I know. Why are you fucking mad at me? Cause I like Steve job. You seem a little fucking angry. Let's move. Can you, Why don't you just

pick another mogul and make him your guy? It's fine. Learn about him. Read the book. Read the book. Who else? You don't get to watch the movie. What about Rockefeller? Get into Rockefeller. Wait a minute. Get into one of the Titans of industry. Read a book. I then make that your guy, dude. You don't get to just fucking this a problem with society. Dude is watches a movie one time big. And then it becomes this guy. He's pretending it's his guy. You're really mad about this. William Wallace is my guy. Harvey milk's my guy. I don't know. I love a gay mayor. I can't like somebody too. Like I have buddies. I know that's what I'm saying. We can be on Instagram. We can

be Steve. We can see be Steve job buddies. And then you're making me an's what I'm saying. I follow his daughter on Instagram. We could be Steve. We could be Steve Job buddies, and you're making me an enemy when I'm on your side. Yeah, be Jobbies. Yeah, Jobbies. We could be Jobbies. The Jobbers. Yeah, Jobbies, dude. Come on.

Every year on his birthday, you go to the book job. Let's touch phones. And now all identity. Oh, it's your nudes. And Bobby's identity. All of his passwords. Locked it. Text me a few of the girls. And Bobby's identity all of his password Text me a few of the girls the gals

You guys want to do plugs since right now yeah All right, I'll go first guys go to Lewis of skanks comm what does this come out road this comes out next week Check me on the road. I'll be in Long Island this weekend with Zach Emiko and Mike figs on the 23rd and 24th August six Tacoma Comedy Club August 29th I call 31st Spokane Comedy Club on the 1st of September and then I'm going to Skyline Comedy Club at Appleton, Janesville, Wisconsin Let's see I got oh Atlanta, Georgia Orlando, Florida and Virginia Beach, Virginia. That's coming up September 12th, 13th, 14th weekend. Those tickets just went up.

And then the week before Skank Fest, I'm in Toronto. Skank Fest individual Friday passes left, Sunday passes left. Get those before they sell out. They will sell out. Shout out to your creative for making it all possible. Check out all my pods. I got the real podcast Legion of skanks and story wars all available everywhere you find podcasts on the internet

Bobby what do you got? Go to punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates my specials up there We got a couple of podcasts up there that YouTube kind of poo-pooed So we put them unedited up on punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly all my dates What's comes out next week? Yeah I'm gonna be I don't know pull them up. I don't know where the fuck. Pull him up, pull him up. Hello?

Anyways, what? Okay. Check out my podcast, Bone to Pig with Paul Verzi. You can check out YKWD, of course, on YouTube and anything, anywhere you can get it. And the Bonfire, of course on serious XM And I'm fucking still vamping to okay. Go to the bottom go to all dates Click on that thing yeah right there

Right there. I'm gonna be in where am I gonna be? Uncle Vinny's dude you're gonna be doing point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey in October Then you got the Dundlin Theater in Dundlin, how do you say that? How do you say that? Dinellen. Dinellen, Dinellen, New Jersey. And then I'm gonna be at.

Then you're back at Uncle Vinny's, the 26th. Speak in New York, Morris Plains, New Jersey, Morris Plains, New Jersey, I'm gonna be at East Providence this weekend, Phoenix, Arizona, there you go, down the bottom. Oh, those are like the current ones. Yeah, these are the current ones. Phoenix, Arizona, I'm down the bottom. Oh, those are like the current ones. Yeah, these are the current ones. Phoenix, Arizona. I'm going to be at Cleveland, Ohio

at hilarities, September 21st, all the way down the bottom. Then I'm going to be in Las Vegas at skank fest, co-host New York, San Diego, Mike drop comedy. So go to punchup.live Minneapolis. I'm an ACME again, fucking best club in the country. One of them. and check it out punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly Joe yo I'll be in I'm also on punch up live I love punch up live big bunch up live guy and I'll be in Oklahoma City for the first time ever never worked there it's a phone ever I'm excited good club I've never even been in that city and I'm gonna be in Portland helium which I love and I

always love being there Portland is still great if I the right neighborhoods Portland still fucking rules then it's my favorite room in the country and then helium Philly October 3rd 4th and 5th that one will sell out so go check that out get the tickets early and of course the big one the big granddaddy of them all Soderlis back to back town hall. I'm there November 9th, town hall baby. Let's do it. New York Comedy Festival, get into it.

I will be at Buffalo Helium August 22nd through the 24th. Then at Charlotte's Comedy Zone August 29th through the 31st. And then I'll be headed to old, oh, I'll be, I'm doing some shows with Jim Jeffries and Mark Norman. The 13th and the 14th, we're gonna be in St. Louis, then Atlanta, and then September 15th, I'll be doing the Great Outdoors Festival

in Vancouver, Canada with Andrew Santino, Mark Norman, Ralph Barbosa. That's fun, these are all at DanSodder.com, then of course at Skank Fest, and then like Joe said, the big one, November 8th at 9.30, town hall for New York Comedy Festival, DanSodder.com, for tickets, ooh. I got a topic.

Yeah. Fresh topic, hot off the press. Well, not by the time this comes out. Jaren Duran, Boston Red Sox player. Yeah. Got suspended. What do you think about this? Yesterday he's at bat. Hot Mike catches him. Call the guy. I'm telling the story. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's worse than me. I jacked.acking Steve Jones. That's fucking nuts. We need to get Alan back. That was fucking crazy. Call Alan, get him back. The fuck was that?

I got a topic off the press. You just jumped to the press line. We all went, what? Well, he said off the presses, I thought it just happened. Honey, he said hot mic, and we all were like, wow. Something good's coming. My bad. We can use some more setup for this.

We have until 15 minutes. Thanks Joe for stretching out the topic the way we should Wow, I told you guys what happened. Anyway, she just got suspended How many games two games hot Mike a guy yells you need a tennis racket not a baseball bat and you'd love it He turns he goes shut up your fucking But it's on a hot mic and so now and if it's a baseball player Which channel did it pick it up on Nesson? It was on a hot mic. And so now, and if it didn't pick up. Which channel did it pick it up on? Nesson? It was on Nesson.

So, I feel like Nesson's the only, there they go. If I can let that slide. But if it hadn't been picked up by a hot mic. That would have been fine. By the way, I bet that happens all the time. They could have reported him, I guess. That happens at every basketball game. The football games, if they have a hot mic on that

You hear that shit when they try to do So here's the thing like that is that is that way Joe. I'm sorry. I just go That is major league baseball saying we don't actually care about this, but we have to do something No sports and people fuck about people are fucking retarded the people that are acting like They're like I bet there are I bet there aren't any people that are acting like they're outraged. They're like, okay. I bet there aren't any people that are out there. You wanna hear it? He cares, please.

We can pull it up on the thing probably. Oh, it's so low. So funny that voice always coming in. Here it comes again. Ah, it was just a mumble. You know, so for the breath, he wasn't in microphone saying you're like, I don't know. I think someone called or did. Do you think someone calling you that when you yell that out? Like if you're that guy, do you go like, Oh, I'm sorry. I was just kidding. I don't. I mean, it's a funny line. You did a tennis racket. By the way, I was that time. That's a fucking I was at a Red Sox game back in the nineties and we all know the N word.

No, but I was sitting next to a guy and Manny Ramirez played for the indies at the time. And this guy that was sitting next to me, he yelled out, Manny, you take it up the Fanny, you fucking and nobody, which is a great echo. I don't condone the F word obviously, but Manny Fanny, that's beautiful. And nobody even. Yeah, but that was a great echo. I don't condone the F word obviously, but Manny Fanny. That's beautiful. And nobody even, but that was a crowd. Right. But if you, but now also, if you did that in the crowd, they would come and kick you out and probably leave it, you know, what do you call it? Ban you from the ballpark. But basketball players say fucking crazy shit. Well, the NFL tried to like, they can't, the NFL tried to put a penalty if dudes were saying the n-word They tried that and it just didn't work. Well, Lewis can't go the games anymore. Yeah

But look, there's no other word I've tried them all I'm the Steve Jobs of words Louis's face made by the n-word, but I bet they sent him to some kind of Somebody please make that please make that artwork a quarter graph of which is me with n-word f-word This would bother me in all the Instagram comments everyone's like oh, oh, that's what playing in Boston will do to you. That's why because he plays in Boston. But I'm like, why don't why does Boston own? Yeah, but he's not even from Boston.

I mean, he's not from there from fucking Canada or so. So don't you guys have the catcher that got caught jerking off? What's wrong with that? That's right. Yeah. In the parking lot and the dollar save more parking lot. I think he required him. He just we was jerking. He got caught when he was playing for the Blue Jays and got caught jacking off. He just wanted to get one out. He had more parking lot. I think he required him. He just, we was just jerking. He got caught when he was playing for the blue Jays and got caught jacking off. He just wanted to get one out of the parking lot. And then they caught him and they're like,

been there. Aren't you a major league player? He's like, yeah, sometimes you gotta get one off. Yeah. I used to do that. Uh, when I used to go to strip clubs when I was 18, as soon as I can get into strip clubs, 18, I was like this is my life and then every dollar that I made from KFC was going to strip clubs and Yeah, I would go into this and I couldn't afford lap dances So I would just go out in the parking lot and jerk off and then go back in After you jerk off. Why do you want to go back into it? We'll get it worked up again. Damn. That's wild That's 18. I used to jerk off your 41 and you jerk off in the parking lot. You go home

I gotta think about what did I do? I got come all over my shirt I used to jerk off to stay awake when I used to jerk off your 41 and you jerk off in the parking lot. You go home. I gotta think about what did I do? Come all over my shirt. I used to jerk off to stay awake when I used to drive late That's pretty I'm trying to think of the danger in that but I jerked up in the car all the time Yeah, like driving I'd be falling asleep. So I just start jerking off. I didn't do it. Yeah way I did to come Yeah a lot I'm gonna truck a lot You'd have to like put your shirt over cause it's there. Wow. I've done it a couple of times, but not to like come, but it was like, I was going to meet a chick

and I was just horny and I was like, uh, yeah. Like, yeah. Just, there's just a circus chip. Yeah. Dude, jerking off. Dude, I've like done like phone sex with a chick. Yeah.

It's really crazy. It's so funny when you come in your Monkeys just rubbing your genitals if you really think about what's happening. It's the most like fucking barbaric thing in the world This is so funny when the energy changes Yeah, right when you're done, I gotta go right when you're done. It just all of it goes away Yeah, as soon as you come you're like Alright, I made some pretty crazy promises back here. I Love jerking off in the car. I haven't done in a long time. Did you would you come while you're driving?

Yeah, right on your shirt not my shirt. I had Dunkin Donuts now So you would be jerking off would you go with your knee to cup it or what? No, you just jerk put it on top while you're coming and come into the napkins yeah all down your hand so you don't you don't pop up what if a deer shot not if I'm sitting what do you got a blinker you got come on your blinker thing you're fucking suck it off I take this left. I used to carry napkins in my glove. So if I jerked off, I covered the top. What are you British? Why did you call it a glove? It's a glove. A glove box. Glove compartment. A glove compartment. A glove. I say glove compartment, but glovey language exists to put ideas out there. It's not like you guys are like, what's a glovey?

No, but we but it was gay. It was mad gay. It's gay, sure, but we understood. It's gayer than eating your own. You knew what I was talking about. The passenger side car box. You would also know what I mean, right, fuck face? But you'd be like, what are you talking that way, asshole?

I actually like that. The passenger side box? Excellent point. Excellent point. Can you get my napkins so I can jerk off out of the passenger side? From the cubby wubby womb room? But you understand, Glovey is shortening it.

The glubby boy, the glubby wubby. Can you get my cubby bubby? Can you open the dirty box for me so I get my napkins? Dirty box. Timekeeper. We have 10 minutes, so relax. Relax. What is your problem, dude?

I'm making sure this boy gets to his movie. He's fine, you're gonna leave a 45, right? Yeah Yeah, but yeah, but I wasn't putting it on me. Hold on This is what's gonna happen. Everyone's gonna yell at me and write to me you fucking piece of shit What they don't know is he's right. We were scheduled Who's right? 145 we're supposed to start 130

Started at 205 people did this to me for being the timekeeper when it was it was given to me and I was that That's why he's putting on me. He's going hey, he's gotta go But Dan also wants to go and we have the big boss man coming in at four big boss Who the fuck is the big boss? Well, it's the building Yeah, no, you think that gnome is my boss. Well, he owns this building. Do you think I didn't care who owns this building? Do you think I care about who owns any building? ever walk into? No, Lewis. That's kind of your whole inner. Whatever you own, whatever building I own. We get it, Steve Jobs. You're the strongest. Yeah. No one will know I'm my boss. All right, don't get mad at Dan.

Why did you get mad at Dan? Why you get mad? I didn't know him, you'd get triggered by the truth. Had I known. Had I know you're going to be such a bitch. Lewis is heated today. I am on one. You're on one. You came in, buddy. You just came back from a great trip with your kid. You need a drink. No, you don't need a drink. A lot of drink. You don't need any. What's wrong with you? No, you don't need nothing. We're fucking dude. Two weeks off the road. Can I get some whiskey? No, I'll see. I'll be in a fucking What's wrong with you know nothing we're fucking dude Some whiskey no, I'll see not being a fucking loser. Are you talking about? He's not gonna fight you you he's gonna fight me That's two games

You games I Moved we're done. You're officially moved. We're moving in. Yeah. All the shits out of house out of Biltmore, dude. Gone. Don't give my fuck. We don't live there anymore. It's not built. So there's no problem. It's still there. The people. So what? Yeah. You're not Jim Morrison's grave. People aren't gonna fuck on your lawn because Bobby lived there. Yeah, they'll take road trips up there.

Yeah, we're done. Here's the problem. We hired that movement company. But they could also look up now how much that house was just sold for so they know way too much financial information about Bobby. That's true, though, but if you're going that far.

Bleep it. Bleep it. No. No, bleep it. I don't want those fucking, I don't wanna be fucking doxing anybody. Just DM me, I'll give you the address Just with that information and his name I bet you could find out his new address. I mean you can't if you DM me we We so we got rid of every I mean it was weird though. I had to cut down all the zip line I mean you've lived there for since Max was a baby and years Bobby's like I had a I had a

Unblow up my hot air balloon. I had to get rid of all those little bodies I had in the backyard. All those. What'd you do with your garden? It's still there but there's nothing in it. Damn. We had to empty the shed. Everything's gone.

Everything's done. It's weird to walk through. Now that you're moved out of your home, can I tell you, your bathroom, the guest bathroom that's right there by the kitchen with the with the door hated it, dude I hated it too with the with the barn door sliding. It was fucking done and the whole family was retarded. Yeah, that's crazy I never said anything about that. Yeah, it was terrible. No sliding door. Why I want privacy I hold it when I pooped say ben and jerry's too fast at max's birthday. This is shit and bobby Yeah, yeah Bobby. Yeah, and I was worried that Keith this is pre stroke Keith. So he still had a strong grip I was worried he's gonna open that door and I walk by one of the barbecues and Amy was peeing in the bathroom And I saw I felt terrible like yeah now that you're moving we can just say all those parties sucked

Yeah, that's part of script those pies. We fuck you dude who throws parties like that nobody has a now Lewis does once in a while But that's yeah, he's like that you didn't like the party. They were good. I'm just saying That's not like you this is an eight year old's birthday party. It's not like oh my god. Oh, yeah parties like that First of all, we're at a first of all 18 comics in a backyard Two coolers of Sprite. We get everyone out by 5. It was a pretty unremarkable after you're a fucking crazy my parties were

great. You're on record good you're on record saying the parties were great for like a kid party is good. It was a positive. Say who throws a party like that that would imply that it was a great fuck I went to a party on Tony Hinchcliffe's yacht. Do you know how much better that was there was whores everywhere? There was no children. Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's a party. My parties are fucking great. What are you talking about? Whatever what you didn't like the parties. Okay. All right. Well, I've got a central park hang your party Party party sucks quiet your hobo meetup. Yes in the park your stupid balloon bashes You have parties. You're fucking crazy. Hold on guys, time's not even a party. Your party sucks.

Quiet. Your hobo meetup. Yes. In the park. Your stupid balloon bashes. Yeah. I'll tell you what, when we all go tits up and we have to go meet up for a hot meal in the park.

Thank God. Thank God I threw parties. My parties will fucking blow your parties away. By the way, my parties are better than I've never thrown a party because I didn't make people go to the fucking party. Tell me the story from one of your parties that's better than the story of Lewis arriving and us saying that guy yells at the plane, Frisbee, and then Lewis stands over him. We throw the Frisbee.

I'll tell you, when Lewis got naked. I did go skinny dipping. Lewis got naked at my fucking 80 year old neighbor's pool that let us use the pool for my party. And he got naked and they took his clothes and he ran down the fucking driveway nude in my neighborhood. As one of the people that took the clothes That was a great party. What about Jason canner picking up a woman's handicapped child what that's funny. That's not funny

That's fucking also. I'm sure big do you understand that the way that story is told from their perspective Is that a man picked him up in the park it wasn't at a party? Yeah? Yeah? You can't call if you don't own the walls, and further, if there are no walls, there is no party. Yeah, at least my bathroom has a door. This is your Steve Jobs thinking, what if there are no walls? What if we got rid of walls?

Well, we build our own walls in our minds. You had a gathering. You had a fucking gathering. You had a balloon gathering. There was like 12 people, That's not a party. Yeah. It was like 30. It was a blanket. You had no snacks.

Dude, Bobby had a grill going. Dude, I had fucking steak tips shipped in from Boston. If you throw a party and you make people bring things to a party, it's inherently a shit party. Nobody brings anything. Nobody should ever bring anything. I actually- No, we should- I should bring stuff and you should go. It's not necessary, but I do it anyway because that's what I- Anybody who said, what do you need to bring?

Nothing. Bring yourself. I like putting yourself over in the story. My party. When you threw your first party, who cooked? Who barbecued? Well, I called it a barbecue, yes. When you, I was like, dude, I'll fucking, I'll do it. And I was like, dude, do this, do that.

I told everyone, I was like, watch what this loser is gonna work for me for free. And who still reminds you that he did you that favor 20 years ago? Every day of my life. It was six years ago. Not even, five. No, I'm just saying, if you make people bring,

like everyone's gotta bring a bag of chips or beer. I don't make anybody do anything. I go to the hot spots. It wouldn't be a party, otherwise you'd be showing up to a party. I brought the food. Me and Dawn brought so much food every there was nothing There we brought it all Bobby happen to just have a satchel of food. He goes. Hey get the food ready

We do it different now. How do you do it worst? That's a matter you guys aren't invited good. Oh I don't get to go to the park Find the balloon by the way you can't not invite it's central the park. You don't own the park. I'll just come I'll have my guess what rival party. Oh don't own the park. I'll just come Guess what rival party? Oh, let's do it. I'll put it right in the center of your party. Yeah Whatever. I got a son. My son's birthday's coming up. Yeah, you go to the park. Yeah He's not gonna resent you grow it up, dude I had a fucking for the kids my party was the shit and magicians. I had face painters I had fucking a blow up

big blackface. I had I mean that's true. They wouldn't do blackface. Yeah. Yeah, a couple of they would you needed the code. It was Steve jobs. Yeah. You're all right, Dan. That was bourbon. You have a heart attack. That's coming, you're fine. What'd you say? What are you most sorry nervous about physically heart attack heart attack, that's the one I just know it's here's the thing both. I Just know if I die from a heart attack Just gonna make sense. Well heart attacks suck because it's like Yeah Yeah A lot of guys die in their sleep with heart attack. That's kind of having me. It's nice just passed away in his sleep That's kind of nice though, but that oh here

We got that story about the guy who was having a dream about a lion chasing him then he had a heart attack and died In his sleep How do you know he was having that dream? That's the fucking riddle bitch. I Gotta go what? Great street, I I wanna hear it, yeah. That's great riddle, but what's wrong with this story? That's an old riddle from when I was a kid. Hey folks, this episode is also brought to you by Lucy.

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I love them. I actually love them, and I love the actually different variations of the strength, which is like the 12, I like the six. Maybe after dinner you want a little bit of a hotter one, you know what I mean? Oh yeah. So let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy.

Go to Lucy.co slash regs, that's R-E-G-Z, and use promo code regs to get 20% off your first order. Lucy offers free shipping and has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. That's Lucy, L-U-C-Y, dot C-O, and use the code regs to get 20% off and always free shipping and remember Lucy products are only for adults of Legal age and every order is age verified warning this product contains nicotine and nicotine is an addictive chemical all right Where were we all right you guys ready? Dan don't so there's a lie so this lion says The lion I'm gonna be a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a He's not hunting a hyena. He's chasing. No, it's a zebra. No, it's going to be small. A warthog. And he says, how do you wipe your butt? He runs, he chases in the hole, and the hole is so small he gets stuck.

Warthogs don't live in holes. Alright, he's chasing a rabbit. No, it's not a rabbit. This is great, there's no rabbits in the jungle. Are there jungle rabbits? It's a snow, right? That's not a rabbit. This is great. There's no rabbits in the jungle. Are there jungle rabbits? It's a zoo, right? It's not a race. Jesus Christ.

You sound like a cop from the 70s. A couple jungle rabbits just moved in. That's why I moved in. It's just, just be part of the world. Believe that. Bobby can't, they can't know where he lives. Sorry. It's part of the world, okay?

He chases a thing. I can't. He can't do a hole. Alright, chase is an animal. He gets stuck with his ass. What's a hole? What's an animal that lives in a hole in the jungle? Real quick, just chat GBT real quick.

It's pretty quick, guys. It's pretty quick. It's pretty quick. It's pretty quick animal. He gets stuck. What's what's an animal that lives in a hole in the jungle real quick. Just chat. You be to get real quick. It's pretty quick guys. All right. He chases that plug. We'll plug it in after he chases it. His ass, he gets stuck in the hole. His ass is sticking in the air. Lewis is going to miss the fucking bit. His ass is stick. He's stuck. He can't get in there. A gorilla comes around, comes by. Oh, a couple porch rabbits. Porch rabbits?

The gorilla sees the lion's ass exposed. He's stuck. And he's going, Help me! Help me! And the gorilla unzips his pants. Wait, wait, on. We're gonna let the rabbit exist in this jungle. It's a man! This gorilla. It's a joke! The gorilla has pants, we can't fuck with him. Okay, ready, hold on, hold on. This is gonna be viral.

An animal that lives in the jungle that often resides in a hole is a pangolin. Pangolins are burrowing animals that dig. He's chasing a penguin, okay? A pangolin, no, no, no, that was also what they said. COVID, that caused COVID, is eating a pangolin. A bat dripped into a penguin and then they the paint digs holes and lives in the ground, primarily in

forested areas, including jungles they use a sharp close to create these burrows which service. I go to a penguin pangolin start over with a penguin. Yeah, go ahead. He sees a penguin run it right. He chases after the penguin was a penguin runs down the line is so fired up he smashes in the hole he's stuck stuck the gorilla comes the gorilla takes off his gorilla pants. That's fucking the line from to have pants He can just start fucking lying on the pants. Why does he have to get pants off? He takes his dick out I take this

Trying to make this realist. Yeah, his dick is no pants. Okay That's actually that's race gorilla he didn't say that he goes I'm gonna fucking kill you I mean you know I'm gonna get out of here and I want to kill and I know just the gorilla you are, you fucking piece of shit. The gorilla pulls out. He comes all over the lion's back. He takes off running because he knows this lion's going to get out and the lion can kill because he's the king of the jungle. So he's running. He runs up to a guy camping in the jungle. Why not? Let it be. This is all, everything is above board except for him saying, I know lion,

the guy, they spoke their own language. So this guy is, is camping. He's reading the paper. He's got his reading glasses, a little campfire and a cup of tea all works. And the gorilla goes, and he's scared. The guy goes, ah, and he runs away. So the lion picks up his hat. He puts on his hat and his reading glass now and the newspaper chair pause it pause it the lion does with the gorilla so sorry the gorilla gorilla I think Joe's line right gorilla puts on the hat puts on his reading glasses takes the newspaper and covers his face with it and waits a few minutes later, the lion all dirty and furious comes up on

his ass and he comes over and he goes, Hey, have you seen a gorilla run through here? What does he say in real life though? The gorilla lowers the paper and looks over his reading glasses and said the one that fucked the line in the ass and the lion says it's in the paper already That was good strong way to close this episode out We got there that was good pretty good. All right. I like breaking down jokes literally like they couldn't happen That should be a new bit Joe You have to bring a new joke like that every week and we have to What's wrong with the joke? I love it. That's great. Well, there you go. That's the episode

We'll see you guys next time on The regulars the regulars, huh the regs Regs Reggie see motherfucker. Love Steve Jobs hall. November 8th, November 9th. Big fan. Boom, boom, boom. Punch up. You on punch up Lou? Nope. Punch up Dan. Yes. That was nice. Thanks. Thank you. Okay. Subscribe. Okay. Like you will really review. Yes. See you later.