Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Joe D, Ass Sex, UFC, Scary Movies

Episode Date: May 2, 2011

Joe D, Ass Sex, UFC, Scary Movies Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm starting to stick and stick. You know what I'm doing? I'm just talking, I'm getting far, far. You know what I'm doing? I'm just talking, I'm just talking. What's up? Another podcast here. You know what, dude? Podcast.

I'm here with Joe DeRosa, comedian, actor, director, extraordinaire. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It is the week after Tribeca Film Festival. Yep. Is what we call it. What are your thoughts, Joe? It was great, man.

I couldn't be happier. We had five screenings. Right. Movie killed it all five. Right. There was one where it did pretty well. That was the worst it did. It killed it for and then wanted it like pretty well where it was like it would still like a solid fucking like it would still be a good audition set. You know what I mean? What was that the one I was at? Yeah. The first one you came to. The first one. Yeah. I thought it did great.

But yeah. I mean it did, it was fucking great. Yeah, sure. I mean, let's call, now that the festival's over, and I have only three listeners, no, I'm shim kidding. Two. Two. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha.

It's, it was probably the best film of our little series that we're in. I mean, it went, some of those films were kind of depressing. Why don't think it was the best. I just think it was the only one of its type. Do you know what I mean? So it helped it stand out a little bit. It definitely helped it stand out.

Having fucking really serious films. Right. R.C. type of shorts and then have an R's. But the thing is, there was funny shorts. Really, they were really good shorts. But R's, the reason why I think it stood out too, you know, thing I think that shorts run into is time, hence shorts. Right. We really packed a lot of shit in 15 minutes. Right. And we, we went to the edge, you know, we took it the whole 15 minutes, which is what a short has to be. Some the films were 10 8 12 or whatever the fuck minutes

But ours would have a beginning a middle and end We kind of we didn't leave you hanging with a bag floating in the air and you know, what do you think at the end of it? You know, well, I just think that I loved all the other films. I'm not being diplomatic. I really did love all the other films, right and You know and I loved ours too and I. And I love Dars too. And I thought that, you know, Dars was a rapid fire thing. It was a certain type of comedy. There was a lot of dialogue.

You know what I mean? It wasn't so much character pieces. It was a situational piece. So it was like, you know, to me, at least that's how I see it. Right. So I felt like it allowed us for a lot more punch humor. Yeah, well, it was funny. I mean, once it got going, it started out serious too.

Like people thought it was a serious movie and then it really got, once that fucking twist happens, it fucking started. It just was laughs the whole time. Yeah, it was great. It went over great. It's fucking great. Real time. Yeah, it was great. Whatever great. It's fucking great. I'm real great.

I'm recording this on the new microphone, the new... I'm trying to upgrade the podcast a little bit. Is the fucking setting on the right setting? Yeah. Is the game good? Yeah, it's where we were when we were testing it. Okay, good. I'm just checking. Does it not sound good?

No, it sounds great. It sounds great. Well, then leave it alone. Fuck off. What's the problem then? Just checking. All right. Yeah, I tried to upgrade the podcast a little bit, bought a new microphone that hooks directly into my iPad

so to keep the availability so I can do this anywhere. It's a fucking hilarious bike, too. It literally looks like, and they're coming around the bend. It's a fucking, it too. It literally looks like, you know, and they're coming around the bend. It's a fucking it's called the Yeti mic. It's a Bluetooth microphone. It is one of those old crew-no-microphones. It does. Coming around the bend, we got Purple Onion. Purple Onion leaned up the pack. Purple Onion leaned trail by Fall October. Fall October. I'm so glad you couldn't think of a third horse. I could. over fall October. I'm so glad you couldn't think of a third horse. I could. You barely made third October came out of your mouth. Fall October. Sorry, whatever. That doesn't

make sense. Really. It just, it's in the fall as October. It's like, it's in the fall. But I mean, the movie was a joint. I mean, we all agree that it was a pretty much a joint. I mean, us three really from front to beginning. it was just us. That was the most exciting, but you know, that was the most rewarding part to me was, was seeing the audience react so well to the three of us. No, we all did this together from behind the camera to in front of the camera. And then also to like just when people would come up after and, you know, and you could just, they were just reacting to the three of us, which made me feel good, because you know, we got our hands and all this different shit together. And I was like, I'm glad that people seem like they'd like to see a little more of us as a unit.

Yeah, it was awesome. I mean, and saying that, I have a little clip to play for the people at home, of what, you know, Joe Rosa. And she directed by Joe Rosa. Yeah! She directed by Joe De Rosa. Yay! That's right. My movie, my movie. Yeah, exactly. It's all three of us, Joe. Fucking cunt. That was to be funny to you.

I know, I'm kidding. That was that. That was after the festival last night. The last showing they introduced the movie directed by Joe De Rosa. And I put the camera on him. And that's what you have to say. My fucking movie. That's the voice on the back of your head.

Well, that's what you say. That's what you say. Far back. No, that's what you say to chicks when you're trying to get laid from this movie. Yeah, my movie. My fucking movie you fucking can't. Oh, please. The fucking, you weren't even at the one fucking screening when some guy raises hand and

goes, for your film, and I'm literally going, like, first of all, sir, before I answer Please the fucking you weren't even at the one fucking screening when some guy raises hand and goes For your film and I'm literally going like first of all sir before I answer your question, right? It's not my film. It's Robert Kelly billbirds and mine. We all did everything equally. It was so diplomatic You could feel the festival people don't just answer the fucking question Who cares answer the fucking question who cares that's good good for you good you fucking keeping it real Sunday getting Hollywood but we went last night all week long I mean I went to two of the screenings did I go to two or three two two I think I think it's two two three I went to three I to three. I went to the first one and then I went to...

No, you went out to the first one. I went to the second one. I went to the third one. No, I went to two. Yeah. Anyways, it was fucking great. Seeing a movie, you know, we've sent this around to people and it was on the computer. Watching a movie on the computer is, by yourself, with somebody else. You can't laugh. You don't know if it's not as computer. Watching a movie on the computer is, and by yourself with somebody else, you can't laugh, you don't know, it's not as funny.

Seeing it in the theater was fucking crazy, man. It was even talking to Vos last night, he was like, dude, I was crying the whole movie. And we had the whole gang, Colin came down, Vos, Bonnie, Billy was there, Serpico and the whole Apostle team, Lou Wallach was there, one of the executive producers. Yeah. And the lady who played, what's her name? Emily Mitchell.

Emily Mitchell, we felt bad for her because she was waiting in comp lines to see if she could get a ticket to her own movie that she was there. And we were all in line with tickets. We got her ticket. We had an extra ticket, which was great. Well, thank God. We got a pool of her. I didn't know she was coming down. She never emailed me back. I didn't think she was coming.

I even thought, like, I was like, does this lady hate us? She didn't even email me back about the announcement that the movie is going to screen it right back in. And then I saw her there, and she was all excited. And then we had that nice email from her today. So that was cool. I'm glad we were able to get her in. She wouldn't have got in if we weren't if we don't have that extra ticket. I actually that would have been hilarious. Yeah. We actually got a fucking I sent the video up of us in line you know

us in some fucking you know it's it's typical Facebook Twitter fucking cunts you know you you know you you just want like wow wow, that's great. Congratulations, blah, blah, blah. And you get those. But then there's one twat. It was like, it's great to see you dummies and line like the rest of us. Shut up. And then I emailed them back ago. First of all, we were in the, the, the film, you know, maker, filmmaker line. Your line was next to us and they didn't get in. But there's a funny picture you took of us did out in line where in the background you see, you see the back of Collins head talking to him and you just see the back of his head and you see me laughing really hard.

And I remember exactly what was happening. What? What that? Because I told him, I go, hey dude, I watched your HBO special last night. It was really good. And he goes, thanks. Thanks. Can you say it with a little emotion? Can you act like you care?

And he started doing the theory of bite just finger. I scored a guard, Joe. I just fucking want you to act like you good. You know, it was making me laugh so hard. And it's just funny when you see something happening in the background of a picture. You're like, I know exactly what was going on. Yeah, he called me today and told me that. He goes, that fucking derosa.

Fucking told me some of my HBO thing. And he was like, yeah, like, he's like a zombie. He complimented me. He was, I see right through that fucking twat. Yeah, sorry, I wasn't doing cartwheels. Maybe it was a little nervous about the fucking screening the movie that we did that I was going into. Sorry, sorry, Colin, that I didn't make my night about you.

Well, he had to leave, too. I kind of fibbed. He had to go to Jerry Seinfeld's birthday party, which was an exclusive party. He goes, I gotta go, and I go, why? And he goes, because Jerry's dinner, and I go why he goes because Jair is dinner and I go don't Call him Jair To me and I wanted to smack him in his face

It was so Jair it was so Hollywood out I'll be yeah, he had to uh He had to go to Jerry's it was our six people. Yeah, that was fun I was we were at the broom street broom street bar having a fucking blast drinking food Bust in balls. He's at a formal dinner With Jerry sign from whoo that was fucking fun. How are you a comic and the difference? How is he? The richest comic on the planet earth the richest comic on the planet earth. What do you mean?

Syphilm. What do you mean? You think it would be the blast. You have all the money in the fucking world. You're the richest guy in the world. Why can't you let loose? Cut loose one. That's what people with money do.

Connolly was at a thing where things could happen in your life. Guess where nothing's happening at the broom street bar. Where we are, but we had fun. Yeah, that's a thing. That's a sacrifice. Either you have fun are you fucking a boring douche is that we got me it's either fun or move ahead you can't do both nobody's doing both fuck what about Charlie Sheen at fucking guy winning yeah that fucking guy slipped through

some sort of fucking loophole somehow him and Robert down a junior they came up in a good time when you could just fucking blast coke yeah fucking guys a guy's cock. Yeah fucking be called gay Nobody gave a shit. Yeah, how about last night when the there was a tranny and another one of the other films and Who was hot? Oh, let's just a hot tranny god damn it Joe. It's a dude. It's a guy. She has a cock I'm telling you for a for her fucking up. Whatever you call it She she she was a good-looking lady pre-op is what they call it actually. I don't know if she was pre-op She was so convincing for a while. I was like man. I wonder if this chick went all the way with it. She has a cock Look, let me tell you something

Trannies once you lose the dick you lose the money Nobody wants to fucking hook up with a tranny with a fucking dry pussy the money. Nobody wants to fucking hook up with a tranny with a fucking dry pussy. Okay? You're going with the tranny because she's got a nice fucking uncut fucking ten-inch or fully hard. Oh boy. Yeah. You're saying oh boy because you know exactly what those terms mean. She, she, it's true. A tranny's not gonna, that's how they, you want to, you want to make money as a tranny? You want to have a day job, you better have that fucking cock and the balls. Not those little small trainee balls either. Big guy balls.

Yeah. Alright. You disagree? No, I just have nothing to say to her to that. Well, the trainee, the trainee, she was hot, I guess, for a Tranny. She came up to Joe at the Broom Street bar and she said, she complimented, she was the first one to compliment you on your balls of

actually taking your shirt off on film. Oh my God, what a commitment that was. You had no problems with that either. Oh, we were laughing. She was laughing because I was like, I was like, yeah, I go, I know it looks awful, but I go, I go, and that chick is smoking hot to see. And I go, that's the first thing I learned up here to direct her. Yeah. I'm a lump of shit. You sweetie. Get over here. Yeah. Oh my god. Dude, you took, and you

could see your ass crack to at one point, which the crowd, every showing, they must someone, someone, I know what the two I went to, someone, aww, just heard somebody go, aww. And then he came out and at one point, you tick jiggled, you left tick, actually jiggled. It was like, you have the perfect, like, 12 year old girl tits, just with hair. Yeah, I know, I have a video where I talk about that What your tips a little a cup titties you do man, make a girl feel at home. They jiggle too Yeah, nice jig You are a mess. You're fucking rounded

You're rounded fucking shoulders Yeah, all right. I'm doing. I'm saying look. I give you wait before you even jump on me. I get it I get it. I'm with you, but I'm I'm a little better than you No, you're not First of all come in to ridiculous. No, I lean back because I'm yelling because last time we all did a podcast I kept yelling near the mic and I kept it yelling that's because it was Billy's podcast And that's professionally done right that goes through a mixer with real microphones I get the fucking big Corona Corona Yeti microphone

You're not better than me. Here's where we are. We're on opposite sides. I can take my shirt off right now Where I please don't please don't we're at opposite sides of the spectrum We're both in the same position though, right? If both of us would put a little effort in We'd have decent bodies. Let's not be either of us want to put the effort in if I I worked out a little bit, if you worked out a little more, we would have, we would both be decent part. Alright, let's just say this though, I'm closer. No, you're not. Because here's the deal Joe. I have muscle under my fat. There's muscle under my fat. I could literally lose weight and I'd be shredded. I have abs. I have tries buys chest. I have muscle underneath this fat You see is a gorgeous fucking body

Underneath your muscle. Wait, let's just stop. There's no muscle. There's not an ounce of muscle You have a hard time opening a jelly jar. There's no muscle. It's bone and tendons There's nothing there. So you would actually have to gain muscle Which is harder than losing fat. I could have a really sexy You know like guy that shows his pubes body. Where's low cut jeans? I could be nice and wiery if I just put a little effort into it I have that joke in my act about the V cock-ass We just put a little effort into it. I have that joke in my act about the V cock app. Just that extra V app that guys have,

where it just pushes their dick out a little farther, and they have no bush fat, so their dick just looks fucking huge. Yeah, if I worked out, I'd look like the lead singer, the black crow's, just, no muscle, so he shows his punes. That's what you do when you can't have a six pack. I'll show my fucking pews off.

Do you have a shave? Anything? Have you ever shaved anything? Yeah, I buzzed down my fucking ball here. I haven't buzzed my fucking ball hair in probably eight months. Well you're married. Well here's the thing, the last time I did it, I was going to Vegas, and this is one thing you should never do. Don't ever trim your bush fat down and make it nice and neat,

and then ask your wife, honey, does this look good? Is this too much? She went, what the fuck, why are you asking me if your fucking pubic hair looks good. What the fuck are you doing this weekend that you're trimming? You don't trim your pubic hair when you home with me. All of a sudden you're going to Vegas for a weekend and you fucking trim your bush fat. I was like, exactly. I was like, ah shit. What a fucking moron. That's like the time I was with Dan and his girlfriend and I

forgot that she was his girlfriend and we were watching a movie and these two lesbians went at it and I was like, Jesus I'd eat her fucking pussy and Dane turned to me like what are you out of your mind? Why is that so bad because I said I said For it was his girlfriend what they're first of all I Revealed to his girl what me and him would be talking about if she wasn't there and to me though And I don't know the girl obviously I never met her so I'm not knocking the girl but to me any chick That's gonna sit there and act like she doesn't read doesn't that's just make that point that's fine

Yeah, but you don't do it in front of them You're not supposed to go dude if you said if you said odd fucking eat her pussy out in front of my wife I'd be like dude chill the fuck out Joe and my wife's cool you know Dawn she's fucking she's a ball bust she can take shit she's from Boston she's not a fucking you know a pushover you know I mean she's not a stereotypical typical broad that's gonna get offended okay right I mean Christ we wrote she helped us with when we were writing the cheat book on I mean, Christ, she helped us with when we were writing the cheat book and how to cheat a woman,

she helped us with a couple of things, okay? But if you said that to my wife, in front of my wife, I'd be like, dude, fucking chill out, fucking relax, you know? I would just laugh, I'd go, all right, there you go. I mean, I laughed too, I said sorry, but it was like, God, shit. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't think that that's that. I'd be like, hey, it's being a dude. Oh, dude. Watching a fucking Lesbo scene in the movie. I love that. That's not inappropriate. It's okay to watch the Lesbians go out on TV. But if somebody goes, I wish I was part of that, you're a fucking pig all of a sudden.

I'm gonna fuck you. How about this? How about... How about I was watching a movie, watching a movie one night, and the chick was, was oh this is bad Now I don't condone it at all in real life at all. Please don't say this I don't even want to know what you're gonna say. I was always sending the girl Just something can be kept to yourself. No, no, my second. No, let me just say this Do you ever see the the girl with the dragon tattoo? No, I didn't see it It's a fucking one of the best movies I've ever seen.

I know, I gotta see it. I feel like a track that I haven't seen it. The first one is great. The other two are good, but the first one is fucking great. But there's a scene where she's like a watered estate and she has to go live with this guy. That was, she has to check in with this guy and this guy is a fucking creep.

And he forces her, He forces himself on her or he's gonna report bad to the people and she'd go back to prison or whatever. He forces himself on her and he's like this crazy fucked up where he makes him blow him like not by force the first time, not by force. She just says, look, if you don't do this, I'm gonna fucking she winds up sucking them off right and I and don't sit in there my wife is sitting there like this is Oh my god, what a fucking scumbag and I literally have a pillow over my lap Because my meat is just filling up going. Yeah, what a fucking creep I'm sitting like she should bite his dick off right now I had to and I'm my like, she should bite his dick off right now. And my dick isn't pumping

with just fucking just guy blood. Bunk,unk,unk. I'm surprised. Are you gonna put a pillow over this podcast so your wife can't hear it now? Wow. Because then you know she can listen to this now. She doesn't listen to my, she doesn't listen to anything I do. and know what your filthy fucking cock was doing. I know it's bad It was bad, but you know look you know you can't you know that's I think that's just a human thing Yeah, I love that's the best justification for anything. It's just human, dude. I can't help it What you're not on my side though if you didn't see that No stuff like that you honestly doesn't turn me on so I don't know I didn't see the scene. I want you to see the fucking scene and then I want you to Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sinfín de aventuras te esperan.

¡Friparás! Vuelades de Madrid a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea Tarifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com just doesn't tell you how. I don't like that, but I mean, you know. You're not being like good. I'm not being foofy. It just doesn't do anything for me. I mean, you know, the one with the, you know, like the porn with the chick sleeping and all of a sudden the guy comes in with a mask and fucking ties her into chair

and jams his cock and her fucking mat. That does nothing. No, because when I watch a porn, I have to relate to it and be like, this is a real situation. I do too. Oh Jesus. I used to, I used to date a girl back in the day a long time ago, one of the freakyest girls I've

ever been with. I mean, sexually, as sexually deviant, if not more than me. Do you ever meet your fucking, your clone, sexual clone in life? And it's creepy. Oh, it's great. It's great, but it creeps me out because there's certain points sexually that you can't, when you go past it, you can't come home. It's hard to come home.

And I remember, she lived in the basement of her mom's house. And I remember, she had this dull knife that she dulled down. And she used to have me break into her house. Jesus Christ. And she's sleeping in her bed And I'd have to come in and like hold it hold the knife on her and and force myself on her Not sex like it wouldn't fuck her but she I make her blow me and I eat her out while holding this dull blade to her neck Yeah, it was just Christ. I know it's crazy. And then I can't let

chick ask me to do that once she goes can we do a rape fantasy where you break in or I go go no fucking way. I'm not doing it. Really? Yeah I'm not doing it. Why? Because I'm just I don't know. I don't like it. Well what the fuck what fantasies do you do? What boring fantasies do you like? What are you the pizza guy? I don't know. I fantasies that you do what boring fantasies do you like? what do you have the pizza guy? I don't know, fantasies are like, I never got into that role playing shit maybe it's just because I never tried it really?

I love fucking role playing I'm sure if I was married or a long-term girl and we had to spice it up, I'd be like, yeah let's get into some goofy shit here to add a little fucking finesse but you know, right now I'm a single guy it's like just banging a chick is great You know, I'm just like yeah, I got the bang this chick. See that's what we differ. You know, and that's you're that's where you're

You're almost a normal guy even when I was single I would get girls to role play. I always had him fucking you know I Nerses outfits or fucking I that same girl I used to have her Blow my friends Yeah, I remember I set it up when that I used to talk my friend I go you come over and just go with whatever happens And as soon as everything's done you get the fuck out you leave He so and I talked to her about it and we have she didn't know anything We were just fantasizing about it. You know, she would tell me my friends that she would want to fucking go down on and blah blah blah so my friend comes over around the back porch she's talking to him she had a sundress on and then she opened I

saw it she opens up her legs and he could see her you know pussy and I and I was kind of on this side and she didn't know she knew that I knew but didn't you know what I mean I wasn't and I remember his eyes just widened like he just saw our fucking cobra come out of his fucking toilet seat and She was kind of seducing him and then we went to the other room and oh my god. She blew my friend And then he was so nervous though because I really put it you fucking leave as soon as he was done She blew me came and as soon as she was done. He just fucking left. He was already gonna go Now it's dude dude. He's like alright. Bye. He just walked out and was fucking uncomfortable But yeah, you think so he gets a little weird with your chick. You have a chick blog. I know I've done some fucking weird shit

man, I yeah, no, I talk about this in my act about how I'm a pervert, but I'm not a freak. Right. This is exactly what we're talking about. I go, I go, I go, a freak will suggest shit. I won't suggest a fucking thing. I'll be a perfect gentleman, but the second you suggest it, I'll do it. So like, I'll pull your chair out and tip my hat, give me my coat. Yeah.

But as soon as you're like, that's nice, but let's do this stuff to my asshole. I'm like, yeah, let's fucking do it You like a finger in your ass. I just need to check the suggested first. I need to know she's down. I'm too. I'm too nervous I can't put anything in my ass. I don't like the feeling of so I like it around my ass I like a nice finger. Oh, I can't do it. I don't like it because then I throw up because I know her fingers coming out And then I think it's gonna have know her fingers coming out, and then her fingers gonna have my, yeah, make me puke. Around my ass not, I like getting it rubbed,

or I like, I used to have chicks just eat my ass. I mean lick it and then suck my balls. I like that, but not in, once it goes in at the pressure, it just makes me feel, it makes me have to fart. It just makes me, it makes me have to fart It just makes me it's just uncomfortable Uncomfortable listening to everything we're talking about I Finally understand for the first time why side felt is like you should just work clean. I know

We be all right, you know what I get it finally well Here's the thing is that people that listen to this podcast is I mean look this type of shit doesn't get really talked about Who the fuck talks about I mean yeah, there's a part yeah Obama and the fucking you know comedy and fucking you know people and Fucking who gives a shit? I don't care about the world. I care about my world. That's all I give a shit about I'm not gonna vote and make a difference world that's all I give a shit about. I'm not gonna vote and make a difference. Nothing's gonna happen. I can't change the banks. All I can do is hustle through my life, have a couple laughs, bust a couple nuts, and fucking die. You know what I mean? All these fucking theories and fucking, I listen to these podcasts with these fucking philosophizing and fucking about this and who gives a fuck?

I'm dumb, okay? And nothing's gonna happen nothing nothing all these cocksuckers don't change shit It's just a bunch of people telling people how fucking smart they are and it does nothing and then a bunch of people listen to go Oh, that's fucking I agree with that fuck off. I like my asshole like that's what people really want to know I just people just want to relate to some creepy shit That's that's my fucking favorite shit to listen to when somebody you know when you find out an actor You know when you see like a famous person coming out of a toilet. You're like oh my god He's shits. He just took a shit. Demiro shits. That almost makes me feel good.

You know, when you see, when you finally meet somebody, they, they, these famous people that have, oh my god, they're fucking human too. I love hearing when, you know, what was that actor from fucking Black Hawk down and went nuts and he had us, what the fuck is that actor's name? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, What nut? Yeah, he was in Black Hawk down. No, not he didn't go nuts. He's career just fell off the fucking

You know Tom size more Tom size more dude that when I that fucking video him fucking getting a dildo jammed in his asshole I was like oh good radio was the creepiest thing I've ever seen. I loved it I love the fact that this fucking guy was I don't I don't want to deal to one Massal I don't like a picky a mass. Oh, but it's like shit these cock suckers do the same shit there Fucked up jokes about the kisses guys. He's bald so happy finding out that fucking This is why that was creepy though because he wasn't he didn't look like a guy in control going I like a doulo my ass. He look a guy falling apart Yeah, right that's what it was upsetting to me

I was like this guy when he's got the bandana and going fuck the police I'm like, what are you doing? He were in heat you were supposed to be the next to Nero. What the fuck are you doing? What a fuck? He's still a great actor though. He's still great. He was on an episode of it's always studying for it I didn't even recognize it. This is all weird and skinny now. Yeah, he was fucking hilarious He's fucking awesome But I love seeing that shit. I love seeing fucking bald actors because we you know look all these fucking people Obama gets his cock sucked

Yeah, I'm sure he does that's great. I love that he smokes that's always been my favorite Yeah, I'm sure he does that's great. I love that he smokes that's always been my favorite Exactly better point. Yeah, I had to go fucking over the edge because I'm a fucking douchebag and it proves how fucking unintelligent I am And you actually brought up the way better point he smoked cigarettes He fucking goes around the corner of the White House has some secret service light up So the little kids touring the fucking White House season and puffs on a new port. That's fucking great. I love that shit. So fuck the world. But sometimes when you meet one of your like artistic heroes that little human shit kind of ruins it. Like I was, I, there was this rapper named Cool Keith that I've been listening to since I was a literally kid. Right. I fucking love him, man man I buy all this shit. I think the guys are fucking genius. He's really out there

He does really weird experiment. He's great. I met him one day in Katz's deli. Yeah He and he was like done eating. Yeah, I was sitting at a table With a friend of mine and I go dude that's fucking cool key stand right there and I tap him I go are you cool key to me going yeah man what's up and he starts talking to me yeah just starts talking to me for 30 minutes he just talking to me and he's got a fucking piece of pastrami oh between his teeth and he's got a credit card and he's just trying to pull the fuck up the drama Had his teeth all that was talking to me and it literally got to the point where I was like all right, dude

Well, I guess I'll see you later. I don't fucking know The funniest part was I asked him about this album he had coming out and I go I go you got that That it was called mr. Negato. I go you got that mr. Nagato album coming out I'm excited man and he goes yeah it's pretty good man uh what's his name produced it uh hey dude who's that guy what's his name and I literally go I don't know what you're fucking animal dude Jesus Christ fucking boring shit anyways well I mean to get on a subject that is we had the festival this week let's just wrap that up unfuck unbelievable the movie killed yeah I appreciate all the people we

appreciate all the people that fucking supported it. Cheatthemovie.com hit us up on Twitter, at Cheatthemovie, Facebook, same shit. Keep for all of us because this isn't over. We're working on the script. The book is coming out next year. There's some other shit going on that we can't talk about. We just got accepted into Montreal. Me, you and Billy are going to do a... Chicago, just for that Chicago.

We're not in Montreal? Well, me, you and Billy are doing the live show Montreal were three of us, but then the movie is going to be in Chicago, which is great. So our movie is going to be in Chicago just for laughs. We're going to be at Montreal this year just for laughs. And we have other shit that's coming out that we can't even talk about right now. That's bigger and better than all this shit. So great shit's coming down the pike. So keep in touch with so keep in touch with just burped and had acid reflux at the same time. Keep in touch with that shit. So thank you for that. The

festival was fucking awesome. Yeah, let's thank yeah, let's I want to thank Sharon and Ben and everybody at the festival that were that were so great. Fucking great. Sharon's hilarious. Yeah, Tell me about a magician that shit his pants. Just tell you that one. Yeah, that was so fun. The guy was fucking doing a show for Bobby D'Air himself and had to run.

All right, you're on. And he had to run to the bathroom. He went, ooh, and he ran to the bathroom because he shit himself. That's fucking great. She's fucking awesome. But another thing this weekend, you don't give a shit UFC 129 You know nothing about sports. Nope. Okay

Nothing UFC go Huskies Huskies it's not a fucking I know it's fighting it was it was a fucking Machita it's fucking you'd actually like this. There's this new thing going in UFC. Anderson Silver, uh, his last fight won the fight with a front leg kick, which is just basically standing there and it's a karate front leg kick to the jaw, knocked the guy out. And when he was done, he thanked Stephen Segal.

Stephen Segal was in the audience and they interviewed him. He's like, I was teaching him this and everybody was like, fuck you. Nobody, he's such an asshole. And he's got these, you know, yellow shooting range glasses on all the time now. And he always holds his hands over his stomach and it covers belly. He's fucking talking about how he trained him to do this and everybody was like whatever. This week in Machita who trains with Segal does the same fucking kick except this time he do is the Ralph Machio Crank kick. No joke it's on the internet. They show both clicks clips Ralph Machio at the end of Karate Kid in this guy and he leaps up does the Crank kick same shit in the jaw fucking knocks him the fuck out

That's awesome dude crazy and you know he thanks at the end Steven Segal he and he there he is with those fucking yellow Shooting-range glasses on again. He's teaching these guys Supposedly these fucking kicks then there's no defense. You can't defend against the front leg king. It's not coming in from the side. You can put your arm up. You know what I mean? There's no defense unless you come in like Mike Tyson used to come in with his gloves on the front. This fucking guy bam, front fucking crank kick and leg jumped up like Ralph Machia right in the face. Knock cleaned out chip this fucking teeth and everything. Un- fucking believable that this guy is

actually teaching people the cream kick. I'd love to see if they're actually on a log near the ocean just fucking holding their hands up. So I don't know what the fuck's going on in martial art. You gotta start watching you see I it's that's probably probably into it. I just never watched it. Yeah, well you can go to You can actually go to I'll give you some websites. I MMA TKO dot com has all the fights on it You can actually see the video of him kicking With the karate kid they show the gift of the two videos side by side It's really hilarious and they show what's his name going take the leg out of sweep the leg They show him first in the leg Mr. Lawrence

So yeah MMA tk.com of MMA fighter.com two websites that have a bunch of shit if you want to go to it arrow, Hawani fucking great It's so if you want to learn about a MMA and this is how I find out about fighters I don't know a watch fights that I need to see to keep up on it MMA tkl.com or MMA fighter.com a two great websites that have great interviews the interview with Steven Segal Is up on MMA fighter.com aerial. Hawani did it. It was far. It's really interesting to watch Just to check it out So yeah this weekend was great.

Joe Samp here and fucking Jake Shields. I knew I said he was gonna win and I actually said it. I forget who I said it to. He was gonna win boring you know decision. I know he's gonna be a decision all the way because nobody wants to fucking take some down. All the bullshit. They were very disappointed but Machita kicked ass and Jose Aldo fucking it was just the best fight ever I guess I haven't seen it yet because I was on stage but 55,000 people showed up in Toronto to see the fight that's that's back in the day shit that's from fucking you know when Ali used to fight type shit or Tyson used to fight you

know where that many people were in a arena to see it fight Yeah, so I love that that happened great fights this weekend. I think I lost Nate Diaz lost the Dia which I guess you guys asked whooped But I heard though all the fights were great under cards were fucking awesome Which is usually the case because those guys are fighting for a paycheck usually the guys on uppercards, you know, they just don't want to lose the money they have. Sometimes that happens, but unfuckin' believable. And I was at Paula Live this weekend.

I did a podcast the other day with an unbelievable club. One of my new favorite clubs. You get a chance to work there. Seattle is went from the shittiest comedy a few years ago to some of the best comedy clubs. I got to check that place out. I'd love to go out there. Yeah, it was great. Yeah, see how it was great. Oh, let me talk a little bit real quick. Yeah. Plug something that I thought was very cool. Yeah. If you're a fucking horror movie fan, Eli Roth who made hostile. Yeah. It's one of the best, one of my favorite horror movies ever.

Right, yeah. Well, I didn't even really call it a horror movie, but I love that flick. He's got a new movie coming out. Billy's girlfriend showed me the trailer. Yeah. It's called Clown. Yeah.

Go to YouTube and search Eli Roth Clown. This fucking horror movie. Really? I have not been excited about a horror movie like this since I can't even remember. But it is old school. It looks so fucking scary and creepy. It's hard to make a horror movie now. You know what it's about?

Yeah, go ahead. There's a spoiler alert. So if you don't want to know what it's about and you just want to watch it, don't listen to this. It's a spoiler alert. I don't know what the point of it. It's going to spoil the whole movie. No, it's just the trailer. Because part of what's cool about the trailer is the reveal. Stay right there on the mic too. Stop going.

If you don't want it. So if you don't want to know what the little twist in the trailer is whatever, don't listen to this part. But it starts out to get to kids birthday party. Yeah. And it shows the dad on the phone going, what do you mean you can't make it? You're the clown. I hired you man. Yeah. And the clown's not going to make it. He hangs up and he goes to the kid and the cat kids like once the clown Gonna get here daddy and he's like he'll be here son. He'll be here Then it shows the dad in the basement of the house open it up this box with a clown suit Yeah, he puts it on yeah, so I'm like at first like what is the dad gonna pretend he's the clown But he's a psycho or some shit

I see where this is going fucking wrong Cuts later to that night. He's in the bathroom his wife's in the bedroom She's like what are you doing in there? He's still in the fucking clown suit. Yeah, she was where did you even find that clown suit? He goes baby the makeup's not coming off. I can't get the fucking makeup off then it shows him He goes, baby, the makeup's not coming off. I can't get the fucking makeup off. Then it shows him, with the clown here cut off, he goes every time I cut it off, it grows back again.

I can't take the fucking costume off. And this guy slowly starts to change into this fucking monster clown. Really? And then there's this clip at the end where he's in the basement in the shadows. And his wife is like, sweetie, he's like, don't look at me.

And he's all fucking like a deformed Dude, I was like this fucking movie is gonna rule. It's so fucking creepy old-school monster. Oh, I can't wait I love horror movies. Check out. That's my MMA. Well, it is really fucking movies My favorite horror movie of all time, one of them is High Tension. Loved it. You ever see it? I never saw High Tension because I saw a lot of the other movies, the Slash movies that came out around that time. I didn't, I'm not a big slasher guy. I like Michael Myers and I like, but you know, I was always a more supernatural guy. I was always more a little more nightmare on

Elm Street than I was. Yeah. I a more supernatural guy I was always more a little more nightmare on Elm Street than I was Yeah, I'm more realistic. I'm a stranger in the house I like slasers because I like it being based in reality It's like Patrice gave me the best example of good movies Batman this one the last one because they explain why all his Shit worked right that's what makes it. They explain where the bat mobile comes from. Dude, when this clock's like, how does he make it? How do you make a fucking jet mobile in the fucking mansion? No, his company, so it explains that. That's why I like my, my horror movies based in reality. Or I like it paranormal fucking demons and Satan and all that. That's my favorite shit.

Yeah. See what's weird is I like the superhero shit when it's a little more realistic Yeah, which is why I love those Batman movies, but what harm movies I like The way I heard it put best was with guys that remained nightmare in Elf Street Yeah, we're saying they go the reason that Freddie Krueger is so scary is because it's inevitable Right you're eventually gonna have to sleep and he's gonna gay. I like when it's that. Slash movies take me out of that because I'm like, well this is just a fucking crazy guy that if they could kill him, if they shot him, he'd be dead. You know what I mean? Like, but which is why I love Texas Chainsaw Massacre, because Texas Chainsaw Massacre takes you to this point where it's like, oh this sick fucking family runs

the whole town. You can't get away from this. You're fucked. You know, I like it more when it's like that when it like I watch Wolf Creek I was like all right so this Aussie fucking you know uh crocodile Doug D guys a psycho he's got him there's like eight times in that movie where they could have just shot this mother fucker and kill the whole thing but high tensions good because it's it's literally kind of serial killer shit which I like and it's this guy gets people in positions where there's nobody around and he you know kidnap some and and the twist at the end Is a kind of little there's a twist a real big twist at the end and you like you got to be shit in me Some people get it though and some people you know Which ruins the fucking movie but some I didn't get it and it was good for me. Oh like seven

That's a good serial killer. That seven's ruins the fucking movie, but some I didn't get it and it was good for me I like seven. That's a good series. Seven's a great fucking movie That's not really a horror movie is more of like a crime drama type thing. There's a lot You know it's more like cops getting the bad guy But you know, I like the paranormal stuff. I love demons. You know, I just saw the movie Was it right or something like that with the right? With the right. Yeah, it was all right. something like that? The right, was it right? The Americans, was that good? It was all right. I mean, it was, there was some creepy shit.

It was OK, but again, it didn't end. They just can't get the ending on these horror movies. They bring you there, even the exosism. It's like, you do a movie on an exosism. Go all the way. Go, you have to go past the last exosism, fucking sucked at the end, because they didn't didn't they had you and they let you go Because they made it where it's not real you had exorcisms are real you have to keep it real

Some what you can have shit fly around you can have the bed go up and down you can do all that shit But you can't make a little red baby come out of a chick's pussy a Jello red baby. Yeah, it's fucking stupid. I'll spoil it for you. Fucking just saved yourself fucking rental fees. Fucking stinks. But I like the original exercise. That's my favorite. Of course. But if you're gonna make an exercise movie, you have to go above and be on that, which is hard to do. You can't. Yeah, you can. You can. They would never let you do it now. They would never let you do it. You could do it. You could fucking do it. You just gotta have, you gotta let that mother fucker be that demon.

Let that demon fucking, instead of the demon being on the bed, let that, what if that demon? Demon. Demon. You're putting a D.R.D. Sorry, demon. Fucking walked around the house, so got outside. You know, what if that fucker went down into the living room and went into the kitchen? You could do it, you could definitely do it.

And then, you know, she goes outside and fucking goes, walks the streets and then becomes regular and then gets a guy in an alley and she's the fucking devil again. I don't know something. Look at us trying to fucking recreate it. But anyway, we go to, this is a podcast is going on way too fucking long. It was again fucking deraude so thanks for doing this with me. A lot of people like you are on with me. I actually like it. Maybe we'll start doing this together a little more. I'm going to try to do this once a week. Make sure you subscribe on iTunes. If you get this on the app, go to iTunes and subscribe anyways. Make sure you're right to review. The reviews have been fucking great. Thanks for putting those up there.

Those do matter. You know, don't put the fucking dicky reviews up there because that does matter because people read that and fucking and don't check it out. But the ones who have left reviews thanks. I'm gonna try to do this once a week. I hope the sound quality is a little better. And that's about it. Spread the word that you know what dude podcast. Joe de Rosa comedy.com. Correct. And you can hit him up a Joe de Rosa comedy at Joe de Rosa comedy on Twitter. And you know me. Robert Kelly live.com and all that bullshit. So that's it. You got any questions? Email me at rkfan at robakelylive.com. I'll be doing another podcast this week.

Answer any of your fucking dumb questions. And that's about it. I'll see you later. Thanks. Yeah, thanks, Joe. Thanks, Joe. Joe. I can start, I can start, I can start, you know what I'm doing. I can start, I can start, you know what I'm doing.

you