Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Joe DeRosa, Actors and Bullshit

Episode Date: April 14, 2011

Joe DeRosa, Actors and Bullshit Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, this is the you know what dude podcast and you might be sitting there going shit there's no theme music I usually open up with a little theme music whether it be from a fan named Tracy or a bud named Joe de Rosar or some type of music um people were actually Joe was a little frustrated that I went with somebody else and Tracy was a little fucking mad that I went with Joe. Joe had a problem with it and we put it to a vote. I got a bunch of emails from a lot of fans of which and they actually picked Dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d, d Joe de Rosa Every I don't know if it was fair though, too, because you're a fucking kind of here with Joe de Rosa right now Yeah, you've won Joe. Do you have an exception speech?

Out of the four emails Six motherfucker, six, actually seven, but we all count Tracy's the guy. I can actually get the other one. So I won? No, actually, it's nice. Actually, it was more than... I know, I'm just kidding. I know you're kidding.

I'm a comic-two jackass. Right. Everybody, I got a lot of emails. I got like lot of emails. I got like maybe 20 emails and everybody picked Jota Roses Of course there is no contest. No, it's not that it was no contest man. I disagree I think the other one had a little more edge. I liked the fact that it had some of the podcast in there You know what I mean? It wasn't just one thing a song. I

think that your song could be improved on. I think we learned anything from Tracy that we can actually I was I might mix the two. I'm not saying there's not a better song out there and that somebody couldn't do a better job than me. Right. All I'm saying is Tracy definitely didn't do a better job than me. All I'm saying is Tracy definitely didn't do a better job than me. That's all I'm saying. I'm saying I definitely beat Tracy. Without question, millions of people out there

that could beat my song. Well, I'm not saying, you know what resonated with me is that when I said Tracy's is cool and you said exactly, you're not cool. I should have... I should have... have you said rock it submarine music. That should be my theme song music, but All right, well, I'm glad I won. Thank you fans. I really do appreciate that. I'm over here with Joe Derosa.

It is apartment. We're doing another podcast. I'm gonna try to be doing these once a week with random people. Try to keep up on this a little more. Yeah, I mean, I think Tracy's was good. I liked what he was going for. A little rockin', she added some of the podcast in there. I wanted actually some of the clips, like you saying, shit, a callin', and all these people kinda in there. Which I might do in the future. I don't know if you have some time. You might fucking throw that

into yours. You know in between some stuff. Anything else you need Bob? Well, I mean, anything else I could do for you? Yeah, I mean, you're a good person. Chris Vaughn asked Joe today. I asked Joe today to do the podcast. Yeah, sure, sounds good. I go, all right, meet me over at my house where I do the podcast mainly. People will come to my house, even Colin Quinn came to my house to do the podcast. You, and I didn't know this, was like,

can you just come to my house, blah, blah, blah, and I was like, all right, I'll come to your house. Didn't know it was fucking pouring out. And then you call me to get you fucking an umbrella and you do it let me just finish before you defend yourself with whatever horseshit you do it in such a friendly sweet way you're like dude do you have an extra umbrella that you can bring over because I don't have an umbrella and you know I you know I don't want to you know I have to go get one. And I'm like, yeah, look, I guess, and you know, I have a bunch of umbrellas and I bring one over. I'm walking to your house in the fucking pouring rain holding two umbrellas like a moron.

Bring it. And I walk in and you're sitting there watching fucking Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald, whatever the fucking fat bitch's name is. Just relaxing, chillaxing in your house. Well, I'm soaking wet, hope bringing you an umbrella like you're the fucking umbrella king. Okay, okay Two things. Yeah, number one. First of all, there's those two things with you number one Three things okay, number one switch it up a little. Yeah, number one Yeah, the reason I said come to my house is because I was out in the middle of food shopping The reason I said come to my house is because I was out in the middle of food shopping, right Bobby calls me and goes

Can you come to the podcast? I should do I'm now food shopping right now and I got to bring all this stuff home Can you just meet me in my place so we can save a little time here? So I have to go up drop everything off thing go back out and whatever that's number one Okay, first of all I have to keep a no-pad when I do these podcasts with you because I I don't remember have to fucking shit That infuriates me while you speak. Okay. Go ahead. That's number one. Okay number two As I was walking home with the groceries it starts pouring rain. I jump into a cab going on a place I had to stop my grocery shopping to do the podcast with you I didn't have time to finish it so I go Bob can you me favor? I need to come home to do the podcast with you. I didn't have time to finish it, so I go, Bob, can you give me a favor? I need to come home to do this podcast.

Can you, do you have an umbrella? Cause I gotta go back out in this rain. I don't have an umbrella. If you have one, you can bring that, be awesome. That's number two. Number three, you lazy motherfucker. He calls you for a favor. Hey dude, can you do me a favor?

Yeah, what's up, Bob? Can you help me do my podcast? I absolutely absolutely old friend? I need a pen. I need a pen. I need a pen. Absolutely, absolutely pal. Can you come to my house? That's like me being like Bob. You want to come over dinner? Uh-huh. Do me a favor When you get here, I want you to cook the dinner for us It's not like I have way on for us. It's not like that.

It's not like that. I have way on a favor. It's not like that. First of all, let's go backwards. Me, you're not doing me a favor. It's my podcast. I'm doing you a favor. You're on my podcast.

So I'm promoting you. You're not fucking doing anything. What were you doing? You're watching Ella Fitzgerald sing with Frank Sinatra duet It was stupid. I saved you from nothing from the void of nothing I invited you over to do a podcast To fucking talk about shit promote shit so people can actually hear your voice because you don't fucking do a podcast You do nothing. Do you want to do all right fine?

He's an LA and you don't do it all the time. I'm actually inviting you to do my podcast. So you should feel fucking honored to come to my house. It's like it's like inviting somebody over to your house for dinner okay. And them saying, hey I'd love to come to dinner to your house. I know you cooked this big turkey, big meal. But it's really way you can take all the food and bring it to my house so we can eat to your house. I know you cook this big turkey, big meal, but it's really what you can take all the food and bring it to my house so we can eat in my house. That's what it's like. I can ask you.

Number two. Number two, hang on fuckbass. You did your three. I'm going backwards. Number two, as far as the umbrella goes, if we lived in fucking Montana and to get an umbrella would fucking mean you'd have to drive to a fucking wallmark or into the fucking hicktown I could understand do you have an umbrella. We live in New York

City when it rains black people fucking come out of the woodwork on every corner with umbrellas for three dollars. Don't make it a racial thing. Don't make it a racial thing. They're not white people. Don't make it a racial thing. It's not white people. Don't make it a racial thing. It's not white people. You could walk out literally on any corner and fucking buy an umbrella. Anywhere. You have 19 delis within fucking spitting distance. You have a hard two hardware stores. You have fucking, there's a million, there's a Dwayne Read on the corner. So me bringing you on, Brella, it was actually more work to walk from my house to get them, Brella, than it would be for you to walk out of your front door

and grab an umbrella. Number three, to save time, Joe. To save time. There's no time to be saved. I didn't call you, go, dude, I have to do a podcast. Stop. It wasn't heart surgery, dude. I said, you wanna do a podcast today? You call you go, dude, I have to do a podcast. It wasn't heart surgery,

dude. I said, you want to do a podcast today? You could have said, dude, look, I'm shopping. I'm going to go home, drop my stuff off. I got to do a couple of things. I have to write a blog. And then I have to do, I have to paint a painting. And then you said, let me finish. And then you could have said, I'll be over. I said, all you have to do is before two This was 11 30 that would give you 12 30 130 2 that's 2 and a half hours to shop I Bring your groceries home put them all the way and then make it to my house and get drenched in the rain Because I don't know umbrella and you did have an umbrella

So you say this is what it is that no if you go back to mine number two That we put a what's in the corner grabbing on brother. There isn't one on the corner. I'd say first of all This is what it is. Yeah, this is it is when you do nice things for people you get angry about it Because you think that they're taking advantage of you. They're not No, no, no, no, these are loving things that you do for your friends They're not no no no no these are loving things that you do for your friends You mother fucka you I'll tell you what you are You're the silkyest softest you're an ninja manipulator dude you because you don't come across to anybody as a manipulator

You're a nice guy Joe you're just a sweet guy. This is nothing you do at my house when you come over for food You help my wife in the kitchen. Yeah, yeah, no fucking don't do that, Joe Don't fucking do that. That's a fucked up way of Telling my wife now. She's looking at you going wow. What a nice guy Honestly, thank a dear twisted brain that that's what I'm trying to do that I'm trying to make you look bad I guarantee I was raised to help out when you go when you get invited to somebody's house for dinner That's my mom raised me. It's two. It's two things. It's two helping out bringing your plates into the kitchen Hang on bringing your plates into the kitchen helping out Wiping up a mess so that where you were helping out. Offering to do the dishes with my wife, first of all,

you don't fucking do dishes with my wife. That's almost sexual. That's almost you trying to live vicariously through me. She's your wife too. Number two, you cock sucker. Number two, you cock sucker. I have my life set up. If my wife is doing dishes,

and then all of a sudden my best bud comes over and Offers to help her with the dishes now. She thinks I'm a hunk of shit. Look at y'all. He's a nice guy Why should think that? That's not the point. I have the illusion that the fucking Empire stamp building isn't there, okay? The Statue of Liberty just vanished. She I have the illusion set up that I'm the perfect guy okay so when you come over and ruin that fucking illusion because you raised to fucking go the extra mile at somebody's house you fuck up my life this is the picture though this is the picture you gotta understand the picture let's paint the picture

what's like I go to the extra dinner, dude. Bobby's wife. God bless her. Yeah Cooks this these spreads for us. Yeah, it looks like you're in a Brazilian steakhouse. Right. Yeah, it's great. She's unbelievable Meets are coming out. There's cheese and fruits. Absolutely. And Bobby is just sitting there at the table like a man She's just plating. Just putting plate after plate, in front of a cigarette ashes all over his belly. Yeah. He showed me his latest eye-ad-gadget that he put. Yeah.

I'm, I feel bad. I'm like, let me Jesus. Let me help you. No, you don't need to feel bad. I'll be helpful a little bit. No, no, you should fucking take notes. Because, are you gonna be the guy that you and your wife split everything evenly? Well, I'm not'm not okay I got my life the way I like my life.

Stop the fucking up my life. I don't want to live your life Joe. I don't want to fucking so you know what let me tell you what this is this is this is how my life is okay. One day my wife went to work. I went downstairs and I started in the bathroom. Worked my way to the fucking closets, went into the bedroom, worked my way upstairs, lived in the kitchen, and I cleaned that whole apartment, topped the bottom, spickened spanned. My wife came home, opened the door. You know what she did?

She cried. Yeah. She was in tears. Yeah. Because, you know what? It's poor love. No, no, it's poor tears. Yeah, because you know what? Poor love it. No, no, because so she actually Appreciated what I did you do that shit all the time. You know what happens? Your chick is gonna fucking it's not gonna be appreciated It's just gonna be what you do. So all of a sudden you now they start bitching

So if I piecemeal her over the years and I slowly become the fucking guy that she really wants by the time we're in We're 50s. I'll be that guy. I'll be that guy, but I'm not gonna fucking go balls out and fucking To help her this and help her that because she's gonna not appreciate Balls out cleaning the dishes is balls out. Yeah. Oh my god. This is what I'm gonna start doing right come over there I'm gonna start leaving tips then I have over there. I'm going to start leaving tips. Then I have to put cash down because I can't handle it. That's disrespectful. I feel too guilty.

That's disrespectful. If you can help out, Joe, but fucking getting into fucking you and my wife with aprons on, doing dishes, commits, and go fuck yourself. I don't want you. I don't want you near my, it's almost sexual. It is almost sexual. It's like you're fucking I know in your head You're probably fantasizing but like hey, are you probably I think I heard you call a honey last time

I think you actually use fucking terms of endearment with my wife sure And then you yell at me for being a scumbag in front of your wife pick pick which won't why are you? Why are you scumbag when we're out sitting and eating lunch or something? I look at a girl and I go yeah. And then you yell at me for that. No, this is what you said. Let's not, let's. That's not saying too loud, because the windows are right.

Yeah, God forbid, this is another thing that pisses me off about you, Joe. Don't say it. I'm not gonna say it too loud, but Joe is so fucking angry when you yell or talk dirty in his apartment, because the windows are open, he doesn't want his neighbors to think that he's a scumbag.

Yet, at three in the morning when fucking he has, you know, Frank Sinatra blaring and he's boning the shit out of some chick on the fucking carpet and she's screaming in my ass, in my ass and you're burping and screaming. That's not a problem. While they're sleeping, that's not a problem. Middle of the day day while nobody's even fucking here. You can't say cut rag too loud Cuz Joe's gonna go hey my neighbors go Fuck yourself cut rag. No, no, no, if I have to respect your household you have to respect mine I don't not respect it if I can't you just yelled cut rag three times If I I won't do the dishes anymore. You can't yell you can't yell F and cut yeah

But yours minds make sense you can't yell, you can't yell F and CUN. But yours minds make sense, yours doesn't make sense. Oh my God. All right, back. You're such a typical Cobbick. I wanna get back. That may make sense. What a hue. You're saying the same thing.

All right, but I'm saying, I'm saying, what I'm saying is, if you agree with me, I'll agree with you. All right, no. I don't want you to not be you at my house. That's me. No, I just want you, I just want to I want you not to not to fucking be a hundred percent you at my house. I don't want you to fucking do dishes with my wife.

I don't want you to fucking go in the kitchen and try to cut the meat. That's me. I cut meat. You don't cut meat at my house. If there's a roast beef, you sit the fuck down and be served. Okay? My wife cooks it, I cut the meat, the jobs are fucking already divvied out. Okay? I'm the general, she's the corporal, and you're a private when you come to my house. You should have used shit. Let me tell you something else too. Remember that nice, beautiful, surprise barn? That your wife threw for you? You're all nice, I was? Well, guess what? I was one of your only friends that she could pull Side talk to with it because we have a bond that bond was forged over doing dishes together They understand she was able to come to me and go what do you mean?

Go Joe listen here's what I'm thinking about doing for Bobby's thing You think she could do that would have for you other friends Sure, so all those guys ago. What what do? How about this? I gave input into that thing. I helped. You were talking to my wife on the side. You were right there, I had to tie. I didn't even know. We were literally walking behind you on the street, but you had a Boston creed doughnut

or something that took your attention. I don't know. Everything happened around you. Is that way you bought me that doughnut? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, the reason why my wife threw me a surprise party, let's get to the root of it. If you want to talk about friends,

let's get to the root of our friends. I'm not saying why I should do it. But let's talk about that. The reason why my wife threw me a surprise party, all my friends, okay, is because I came home one night after one of your parties. You throw parties for yourself. So you say, look, I'm having a birthday, okay? I'm going to throw my own party at this place and you invite everybody, everybody, not just your friends.

You invite everybody, industry, open micers. Anybody can bring anybody. I go for quality. Yeah, you don't go for quality. Mine was quality. Yours was quality. Yeah, yours was quality. For quality.

Dude, you live by everybody. And you show up and you're the star of your own party. That's so fucked up. And I came home one night and I go, I've never had a birthday party. I've never had a surprise birthday party. I've never had any of my friends throw anything for me. No one's ever done shit for me.

And she's like, she's like, well, why don't you throw a party like, yo, no, I, that's wrong. You're not, you're not supposed to throw your own party It's supposed to be from the belly of your friends where they go where they go look please I we want to do this for Joe. Just such a nice guy. We should throw a party for him. Yeah, that's like throwing your own roast Your own roast first of all, let me clarify one thing. Let me clarify one thing, what my part is.

I don't, I don't, nobody, I don't take any presents. Nobody brings gifts to anything. I don't take anything, everybody, I literally just say, if I birthday, I want to get loaded, guys. That's have a good time. Everybody comes out, we all buy our own drinks. We've great time. I don't do this bullshit.

I go, take me out to dinner everybody, like a lot of people. I don't do any of that. I say show up here. This is where I'm going to be drinking. People come and we have a good time. Second of all, don't act like for a second. For a second that you passive aggressively planning your own party by going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I was so many thrown me a party and I did it. That's the same thing.

I just hit the balls to go, yeah, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. It's the same thing. Okay, okay. And what's sadder? What's really sadder? Because we're even here. What's sadder?

A man that has to throw his own party every year or a guy that's only been throwing a party once. It's both depressing. I was just saying, DJ, all right, you're depressing. I had every intention when I was complaining about your party to my wife. I had every intention that this bitch would take the hand and fucking throw me a party. Of course she did. I was never more depressed than I was at your party because I was sitting there going Look at this somebody loves this man

I did this for him. I had to do this for myself every year. Well, you know, no dinner. It's awful Well, they she she actually went all out and had The original party was for Saturday night. The party we had was on a Monday, it was Colin Patrice, Voss, Norton, you, what's your name? Morgan, Tom Papa, everybody from the cell, I know, Mesty, I have all those people. A bunch of of my other French jack- Vaughn, his wife, some of her friends that I know. So it was really intimate, really fucking intimate.

Who's that? It's our managers. Hang on, oh, our managers. Just pause it for a second. Well, why can't we let him hear it? All right. Hello? Conan.

I'm doing Bobby Kelly's podcast with him, and he wants me to take this call on the air. You're not on the air, I am. What's that you guys are dropping Bobby as a client? I don't blame you. Fuck you. Okay, there's lowering my commission to 5% and yours is going up to 15. It will still be the same amount of money. All right, what's up, man? Uh-huh.

This is going to be coolly boring. I'm going to pause this. We'll be back. It was, well, not a very boring phone call had nothing to do with anything. I thought it was going to be like, you know, I would suck, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was, uh,'ll dump something on you and laugh at you, whatever. But if I knew how to be really mean, I really would have had a full fake conversation with coded and act like I booked some big thing. Yeah. It made it sound real and I can't think that far ahead ever. That would have been brilliant.

Because I would have been, I literally probably, if you looked in the corner of my eyes, you probably would have seen like tears welling up. I got a friend. Out of anger sadness, you have anger sadness. Ha ha ha. To my friends, this is so funny. My friends, Jim and John, after high school, we were all studying acting and stuff in college.

I mean, excuse me. Together, and after college, we graduate. They moved out to LA to try to make a career at Agni. They're out there for a few months and nothing was happening. And our friend Aaron Aaron who was also in the program with us. He's still lived in Philly and he called my friends John and Jim when they were in the car one day. Right. And John's like, hey, what's up, man? Aaron, what's going on? Aaron's like, how's it going out there? He's like, it's going great, man. He starts

lag. He's like, I booked a pilot. That's also a leopard story. He's like, that's going great, man. All right. I'll tell Jim, you said hi. He goes, he told that whole lie about you. Why don't you tell him anything about me? He goes, what Jim, you know in the business. Not friends, not like you or somebody you know, but somebody you kind of know,

and then all of a sudden you see them on TV, and they're successful, and you just like, oh, fuck me. Even as small as a commercial, you see somebody that booked a national ad and you're like fuck That's right when you your agent gets a call Are you managing dude what the fuck are you doing for me? I just saw fucking shit dick on the TV Dude I watched a movie on Netflix. I don't even know what it was remember what was called

But I just literally just turned it on like I don't see what this is and it was like We just turned it on like let me see what this is and it was like a Who's who of New York comedians just one guy after the next pop enough that I was I almost threw something at the TV It was big and be so fucking active There were all guys I liked they were all great dude I wanted to be like happy and I was like I couldn't I was so fucking Nothing worse than success for other people. I hate it. It's not in battle when you get success yourself, though.

It's almost this quiet confidence that you walk around with. And then you walk in a room and you're like, yeah, hey, what's up? And people know that you have something. You know when people know that you got shit going on, there's a different vibe in the room? Oh.

You just fucking scumbags, dude. We're fucking all twisted scumbags. That's our problem is we don't get any of that. You and I both, I don't think, really, will ever fully, because I think it's because of, I'm not patting ourselves in the back here. I think there's a certain amount of character that prevents us from working this business

the way you're supposed to work it. And when good stuff happens to us, I don't tell anybody, dude. I keep it buried because I don't want it to look like I'm bragging. I don't tell it. And then I have friends who get mad at me. They're like, why don't you tell me about that? And I'm like, what was I just calling up and telling you? Like, I don't know.

I just didn't like it. Yeah. And it's that. And it's also for me. I don't tell people shit because I've had so much shit fail I don't want to be the guy of the fucking yaps about a bunch of shit And then it never comes to fruition and it just never happens. I need shit to literally air and I can't even enjoy it by that By the time something's on TV whether it be a comedy special or you did a TV show,

I can't even enjoy it by that. I can't even fucking enjoy it because it's been such a build-up. I'm waiting so long. It's just like, fuck, I'm just glad this is over. You know, because you never know. If you tell something, I've told people, I remember when I booked a pilot. When I moved to L.A., literally two months in, I booked an hour dramatic pilot. And I was walking around different, dude. I was walking through the mall like I was famous. And everybody kept saying, on every show you ever book, every pilot you book, everybody's gonna say this,

dude, this is good, this is really good. This is gonna go. People are talking, this is happening. And they never happen. This is gonna go. People are talking. This is happening. And they never happen. They never go. That's all bullshit. It means nothing. Right. A key grip telling you that this is a good one. This is the best one they, this studio has done this year. Doesn't mean shit. I was walking around the mall different with my hat down like people were gonna recognize me. the pilot wasn't even done filming and it was a pilot which means nobody's seen it unless somebody from fucking craft services was walking by me in the mall and said oh you're Robert Kelly I work

with you yesterday on the phone nobody would fucking nobody knew me I learned then just keep you fucking mouth shut oh dude you know what showed the press me more than anything and then I want to we got to we got to talk to the show that was I think it was on IFC maybe they had a show called like Brilliant but forgotten or whatever or something like that and it was great TV show pilots that never made it that were fucking great really and I was so it was with the press meetings you watched these pilots like this is a fucking great show of nobody cared there's no hope but then that but did you ever have this happen to ever have somebody here about something that happened to you and they they trumped up to be a great thing like way better

than what actually happened then you have to tell them like no no it's not that good like I told you I, I was at a party, I met that guy, Seth Meyers from, isn't out. I'm talking to all of them, like, dude, I fucking love him to grow up. So funny. Well, it's a great dude.

And Morgan, Murphy or Fred, was like, Joe and Bobby Kellyville, Burb, this movie at Tribeca. And, you know, they're all, they're all aspiring filmmakers and all stuff. And he's like, fucking great dude. And he's like, take my email man. I'll try to come out to a screening if I can make.

I'm like, awesome dude. It was really nice just for me, whatever. Two days later, I get an instant message from another comic at SheWrite. Hey, I heard that you're gonna be working with Seth By Myers on something. Okay, that was like no, and I had to write back. No, I'm not working with him on anything.

He just might come to a screening of something that I was a part of. Do you understand this is different between an actor and a comedian? An actor would have been like, oh thanks, just thanks and let that ride. Those fucking sociopaths and a comic has to be, we have to be honest, we can't, with what pieces of shit and how fucking, what losers we really are. Actors are the worst, dude.

I fucking did that CBS pilot, right? And actors are the fucking worst. And not just actors, actors that are making it a Making a living they're fucking nuts. You know who's fucking the craziest people on the planet background people Or extras as they call them. They're the fucking craziest people on the fucking planet. They are fucking nuts I must go to a fight with a busload of them because after I got done wrapped, right? Now I had a guest starring role in this, okay? Which means they treat you a lot better Okay, you get you get treated a lot better. You're not the fucking star, but you definitely get a lot better treatment than anybody else

I Rapped there's a bus waiting for take everybody from the Bronx all the way back to 42nd Street Port Authority, right? They just drive everybody back. This bus is waiting for me I didn't know that they're waiting for me. It's all the extras all the background people I Fucked up through everybody fucked up I had to go get my thing and bring my stuff back to props and then go back and they have my belt It took around 30 minutes for me to change and get my shit together, get all the props back and get my shit back from props and all this shit. And so I'm heading back to the bus. Literally, this big black guy, all these other people are getting off the bus and walking towards me. And the black guy goes, yo, you the you the actor waiting

for? I go, yeah, yeah, who the fuck are you? Right. And he just turns around and walks back to the bus. There's an old guy, everybody piles back on this old actor guy to what the scarf and a hat standing at the bottom of the stairs of the bus staring at me with like an angry face. And he goes, a lot of people have been waiting for you. A lot of actors have been waiting on this bus for a long time I go I go what the fuck what do you want me to do with the fuck I just wrapped I had to get my ship back what do you want me to do fucking it's not my fucking fault talk to production right music well I think we should get paid more I go I'm not the fuck do I have to do

with that you fucking idiot right and we get in the bus he's still mumble and I go look I'm not your fucking son dude I'm not a kid right I don't know the fuck you talking to go fuck yourself right now I'm on the spus with 50 of these extras they all hate me and I'm driving back from the Bronx into the city getting dirty looks. They turn around. They're all talking about me. You can hear the little conversations about me and about money and about all they give a fuck. There's penalties, money. You're working. They get like a hundred bucks a day. Saga extras are fucking psychotic. Right. It's like, you know what, dude? Don't blame me because you didn't book the fucking part.

Don't blame me because you don't get the fucking chops you can. It's not my fault. Go get a real job. I did extra work once on Oliyana, David Mammoth's movie. What was that movie? Fucking great movie, worst movie ever for extras. They got us baking in the hot sun all day at a fucking insane asylum out in fucking Massachusetts This tall blonde German production whatever had her headset on it. She was you know, you're a monster

He's here wouldn't be back yelling at us. I'm fucking starving. There's no food There's nothing we're in the middle of this hot sun. I got an argument with this extra bitch This is how you make it because you if the director likes you you could fuck I was like go fuck yourself. This how you make it. This is not how you fucking make it and I'm bitching and complaining I order a pizza Because I'm starving order a order to pizza on my phone The guy pulls up doesn't know where he's going because it's in a st an asylum on the grounds, pulls up during a take.

Honks is horn and goes pizza. I have a pizza for Robert Kelly. All of a sudden we're in this big field. I'm trying to be under a tree like a fucking lion because I'm overheating. The lady goes, who ordered up pizza? I was like I did she goes we feed you I go fucking when Right, I'm dying right right. I love that what an album the move Throw the whole production into it. Oh, David dude man. It was pissed. Yeah, I'm sure he was I was pissed Yeah, dude. I did it. I did it part of the TV show recently. You know, regular actor part or whatever, one episode, and I go in the morning the shoot.

It was, what show was it? Was it the HBO show? No, it was a different show. Oh, I'm sorry. What show was that, Jim? It was a different show. I'll tell you a second. By sit down I

Get fitted for my shit everything but I sit down And I'm at this table with a bunch of actors. Yeah These guys are talking They're like hey man Dude how you doing man you storm psych? Yeah guys like yeah, dude Go shit this guy's on all right other dude. Yeah dude. What happened after the sopranos? I'll do that was such a Man with that ended I was a snake god though. I picked up breaking bad. That's going and I'm like yeah Like I'm not I'm really out of my fucking league here. These guys are

They're all extras throw a background guys talking about their TV shows Like it's there they're on the show and I realize it and I'm like these fucking dudes So I get up and I move tables and I sit down with two Actors right during the thing I sit down with the guy I can't I'm slip blanket on their names right now They were solid dudes though the guy that you remember Murphy Brown. No, yeah, I do but I want my sky The guy that played miles on Murphy Brown the little like yeah, yeah, sort of squirmy Okay, I'm the glasses Tim yeah, and this Asian dude Who's on Sesame Street? We don't test me street for like 15 years. Yeah, I

Sit down with them. Hey, what's up? Dude, I didn't find out what they did as actors. I would almost have to beat it out of them. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because there was, there was, there was, it was none of that like, there was no posing. I have to throw that out on the table. They're fucking nuts man. We kept counting around the whole day. Yeah. It's like these guys are cool man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The actors on the, the rookie show that I did. Fucking great. The actors. We all talked, we had a blast. The guy that was my partner and the thing,

we were fucking joking around, bustin' balls, walkin' around the Bronx, making trouble. We had a blast, fucking great. They were all fucking cool. The background people are fucking nuts. And the actual, I actually wanted to hook you up with the girl on it. Yeah, Genevieve I forget her name Genevieve Jones. She was actually in a movie called evil weed

She she told me she was in this movie and it's so fucked up. It was back in the day You could tell people you did a movie and they'd never see it. You'd have to go right if it was a shit movie You'd have to go and blockbuster and maybe find it or go and, you know, order it or something from Taiwan or fucking, now I went back to, I immediately went back to my fucking trailer and got my Netflix go and watched evil weed. The one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It's about weed that got tainted with alien blood. They killed an alien in the weed and the weed got tainted. And if you smoke the weed, you become a zombie.

And all these rich, long island kids go out to Long Island, smoke the weed. They all become zombies and fucking it's, it's, it's supposed to be a comedy like evil dead. So you have to watch it in that respect. Right. It's fucking terrible. Was it good in that respect? Was it funny? You know, it didn't hit it, dude. It wasn't as funny, dude. It wasn't as funny. It had moments, but this girl, first of all, she's fucking smoking hot. Genevieve. She's one of the stars in the fucking movie. Holy shit. I mean, she's totally right,

to have a girl. Plus her dad is like one of the most amazing writers ever. Right. The Collins favorite writer. Right. Ever. But yeah, if you get a chance, if you have an hour and a half of your life that you want to throw down the toilet, or if you're a fucking total stoner, think it easy. We don't want to piss off the writer family. I guarantee your father threw up at the parent.

I guarantee he fucking had to say about it. She said it sucked too. Oh, okay. She knows it stinks. con volotea. La región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Friparás! Huelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Here's the thing with that stuff. It's like there's nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with doing background work It's like doing open mics when you start out as a comic absolutely. You try to figure out like how do you get in and you go do whatever You can I mean dude I did dinner theater when I started out. There's nothing more

But I did improv. Yeah, I did hands Dude I got a dang cook meane Cook did a hands improv. Yeah, it's like you have to do all kinds of shit. I used to get 60 bucks a show. The show was four hours long. Six hours a show, which is terrible money. But at the time, I was like, I'm a rich man. I couldn't believe that I got paid money to do the-

I mean, I literally walk up the tables of people who you did in character. Well, can you do me a favor right now? Pretend I'm at a table eating, can you reenact it? Just what you would have to say. I either would play a mobster guy, and it would walk up and go, hey, hey, look at this guy. Hey, how you doing?

Hey, hey, how's it going? All right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, you're a big guy. Don't mean too much that's forget it was all shit like that Or so that's it Well, no, then there was like a show part of it You walk up to the table walk up and do what as a comic yeah, it it

Shot me forward at least a year in progress as a comic because it helped me start to get sharp with like thinking on my feet Right eventually either that right the walk there was a gay character in the plane in PD. Oh, please do that one I don't remember what I did. I just Just walk up to me. I'm at the table. I'm drinking. Oh my god. Look at you. Yeah No, fuck you. Just don't remember. Just do it. No, I don't It didn't propel you for enough because you can't improv it now. I don't remember. Just do it. No, I don't remember. It didn't propel you further enough because you can't improv it now. I don't want to go back there.

All right, but this is a really fun start. This is a funny story. This kid left. Yeah. Fucking cool kid. And he was like the really good looking kid and the whole crew. He was the youngest guy, but he was the one like,

chicks with like, so he had to play Pee, he wants to know how? Yeah. He got fired from the show. Why? Because you, you're doing these shows in like South Philly and shit Yeah, she's going up acting like a gay guy and these fucking lug heads. Yeah, you know, it would be like Hey, why don't you watch it? You fucking you know, yeah, start they start really fucking Philly, right? Let's do in the character one night this guy's fucking with him. Hey fucking. Yeah, you see but you know all that shit Lev breaks character

Reans into the guys here and he goes hey, dude I don't know who you think you're talking to but this is just a show. I'm not you the fuck out Got reports of it. He got fired That's hilarious That's hilarious. That's hilarious. Oh my God. That's fucking funny. He's such a meanhead himself.

He couldn't fucking handle it. I would have fucking done the same thing. Jesus Christ. That's funny. Yeah, yeah. That's what my point is. It's like you do that shit when you're starting out. Not wrong with doing it.

Which wrong with it are the people that are 85? Well, they've been doing it for fucking 30 years even that dude. It's like it's fine. That's fine That's fine The problem is is when people take it and try to pose and make it something more than it is Yeah, they when you carry ego with it That's when you deserve to get trashed. I didn't interview yesterday and the guy was talking to me about how long he'd been doing comedy. And I always try to say, I've been doing it professionally as a comic for 12, 13 years. Okay?

But before that, when I had jobs, if you have a day job, and you're doing comedy comedy in my eyes, you're not a comic. I never told somebody when somebody asked me what I did for a living, I never went. I'm a comic. I would always say I work with juvenile delinquents. I do comedy too. I would always tell them what I did for a job first and then I would tell them I was a comic after. And until I fucking quit all my jobs when I moved to New York and started getting paid as a comic, that's when I said I do comedy. That's when I'm a comic.

Because that's when you're a fucking comic. If you have three day jobs and you're doing comedy at an open mic or bringing five friends in Hustle and, you're not really a fucking comic. But now people throw the word comic in front of their name, like a fucking badge. You know what I mean?

It's not something you earn. It's just a thing you can put in front of your name or on your Facebook, or on your fucking Twitter, or on your website. And it's like, there's no respect for it anymore. Back in the day, to become a comic was like a fucking badge of honor when you actually became a professional comic. You were hanging with comics. You did shows with comics. Now anybody, you watch VH1.

Every person on there has comic slash actor or comedian. You're looking at him going, dude, I've never seen you do a show. seeing you do a show. Ever. Well, and it also depends too. I know a lot of really funny guys that have done TV stuff that still do temp work and stuff like that. I consider those guys comics that are struggling and maybe need a little extra time. Okay, you're talking about after,

they probably look, there's a point at the beginning and then you get to be a comic and some guys have to go back to get a job. That's not what I'm talking about. If you have to go back after you do to be a comic and some guys have to go back to get a job. That's not what I'm talking about. If you have to go back after you do comedy for a while and you're not making it because comedy, the business is a fucking shit business. Right. And you have to go take a job on and sell real estate or do whatever you need to do

to subsidize your money, to pay your mortgage, your feet, that you're still a comic. You're a, you made your bones and you're a comic. That's not what I'm talking about. I know a lot of guys that have to do that, that have to go, look man, do it a cruise ship. That's not a, that's a day job. That's not being a comic. You're not on the boat.

Yeah, that's one guy say, look, I gotta go do a fucking boat for the next three months because I need to make cash because I gotta fucking send my daughter to college. Dude, it's brutal. That's different. I've been doing it without a day job for eight and a half years, ten years total. And that first, this is the one thing that a lot of guys don't get, I don't think. That first year and a half, yeah, I'm like I'm swimming in cash now, but it's like that

first year and a half Out of the day jobs fucking crazy was brutal. I was so broke a Carla I salute with with Okreson and his wife Carla She used to make fun of me like playfully She go oh Dorosa's doing his hot dog speech again because I'd be so broke I'd be like guys listen. I can't go in on the food shop and with you guys this week I got to just eat hot dogs all week You know I'm under you there. Yeah, she laughed at me and she go dude You would you think we're not gonna let you eat food with like stop. I remember I remember I used to fucking throw you cash Oh, yeah, dude you gave me money you give me 60 bucks out of pocket that one night

I've ever one time you were taking me to do two colleges. Yeah, it was right at the end of the month You you literally called me It's like the day of you like dude. Can you come do these two colleges with me? We got to leave today You know give you 600 bucks to forget what it was total for both colleges And I was like yeah, please and we're driving up to the first college and we were like, hey, so this worked out. This is a good little, from out of nowhere, gig, right? And I'm like, yeah, dude, yeah, thank you.

You saved my ass. And I'm like, I'm gonna pay rent this month now. And you were like, what would you have done without this gig? And I'm like, I don't fucking know, dude. I have no idea. But that's, that builds character, dude. That going down to the fucking wire where you're like,

I don't know how I'm gonna pay my shit Dude I know it works out somehow dude. I was I was so broke once I Was so broke when I first moved I first why I live with Billy Burr I lived in his apartment when he moved LA. I lived on his couch mainly in a cockroach In the party up on 97th Street. I was so broke in a cockroach-ed-fested apartment up on 97th Street. I was so broke, I remember one night I bought a chocolate-covered pretzel down at Astor Place after the Boston, and I had to walk 100 blocks all the way up town,

because I had no money. I thought I had a token, and I didn't have a train token. I had the 150 for the token. I thought that was extra. I bought the pretzel. I had to walk all the way to the fuck up town at like 2.30 for the token. I thought that was extra. I bought the pretzel. I had a walk all the way the fuck up town at like 230 in the morning Another time they're back when they tokens by the way. I was on a fucking bus Going back to Boston to do work to get work

Cuz I had to go back I had to always go back to Boston and get road work Cuz that's the only town. That was my hometown. They worked me to make money for rent I remember I had 5050 to my name and I left it in the fucking in my house in a sock drop. 50 bucks to my name. I was on the bus going back to Boston. I had no money, no bank account nothing, okay? And I was panicking, fucking panicking dude. I needed cash to get from the bus stop to the gig. I needed food. That was my money for the weekend I wasn't getting paid for another like four days from the gig and a friend of mine I saw that weekend knew I was how destitute I was he slipped to 50 in my wallet

When I wasn't looking I opened my wallet to To get my ID and shit and all of a sudden the 50 fell out and I was like, oh my, he saved my asshole out of the blue, saved my fucking asshole. If I didn't have that 50, I would have been fucking, I would have fucked. I mean, but that's the stuff that builds character, but that's the stuff that makes you a comic because if you can't go through those times and make it to where you're that's all you do is comedy you roll the dice fuck everything I'm doing comedy I'm gonna live like a

savage I'm gonna eat hot dogs and fucking ramen noodles and just try to get on stage and become a better comic if you don't do that if you try to fucking go around that in some way, you're fucking yourself. That's what makes people go fuck this. I can't do this or I'm going to do it. It pushes you. Dude, that caused one of the worst breakup fights I ever had or like the fight before

the breakup fight. I was dating a girl that was aspiring comic and You know she Jen Day job never did shows unless they fell into her lab once every three months got presented with certain opportunities Again, they would just fall into her lab. She wouldn't pursue any of them But then she'd give me shit that I didn't take her career seriously. Yeah, and One day she was fucking prod me about it, and I finally flipped. And I go, what fucking career?

What fucking comedy career do you want me to take seriously? I go, how fucking dare you compare what you're doing to what the fuck I've gone through in this? But you have any idea the shit I sacrificed to get where I'm at. Do you have any fucking the shit I sacrifice to get where I'm at. Do you have any fucking clue? What I had the fucking Starving no fucking food no money. You can't go out with your friends. You can't go to a fucking movie. You can't buy a CD that you want

The relationships the fucking holidays I had to miss missing holidays in my family because I got $50 to go do a spot on Thanksgiving or something just fucking dude sitting I remember when I worked when I was down in Austin before I even did comedy I like it you can reenact that scene and I play the girl and you can be you But you can't do the gay character and fucking joy marise wedding. It's not vulnerable So can you do that again as the gay character? So, can you do that again as the gay character? So, before, I remember before I did stand up and I was just trying to get in, I just knew I wanted to work in entertainment, I just didn't quite know what I was trying to do yet.

I worked for this thing called the Austin Music Network, down in Austin, Texas. I was like, it's a music network, maybe I can eventually produce something or direct so I didn't know I was just like a fucking whatever Thanksgiving day, dude I remember I was sitting in Austin, Texas in this fucking shed. That was the broadcast room for this thing Yeah, I'm Thanksgiving day 3,000 miles away from my family anybody I love alone Cold as fuck even though it's Texas, it was still fucking cold.

Loading tapes into these players, playing videos, manually, on the stage. That's all automated. Now, sitting there, it's so lonely, whatever. And it was like, that's set me off so bad when she's sitting there going, you don't take my shit, just watching opportunity after opportunity, just get handed to this person, and they didn't pursue any of it. And then to sit there and go,

this business is unfair. Why don't you take me seriously? I mean, dude, it was, I just saw fucking red, man. Yes, it's a fucked up thing. I mean, I think in order to make it, I mean, crazy make it, I think you have to be a sociopath in a certain way I mean I think that but I think the low-level people it's like you know comics

come up to you and they're you know I mean they have so much energy into fucking promoting nothing you know what I mean like if you're gonna if you can get enough Twitter fans and another Facebook fans and enough fucking blah blah blah, all these fans, it's like that's gonna make you famous. It's not. It's not. You might get fame. You might get there, but what are you gonna do when you get it?

I mean, look what happened to us in the last year. I don't think we've, I've ever worked as hard as I have in the last year. I don't think we've I've ever worked as hard as I have in the last year. The more success you get or the more opportunities you get, the more work you get. The more famous you are, the harder you have to fucking work to fucking keep it going. I mean this all is shit we've been doing as far as the movie and the writing the feature for the movie and all the promotions and trying to get the stuff ready to have the movie premiered try back on and then the book writing a fucking book right all this shit that we have to fucking do it's all work we haven't got shit from the books not out

yet a book isn't out yet the other stuff we got going on that we really can't talk about now that type of stuff that work that we have to do, it's fucking brutal. Brutal. And it's for maybe nothing. It's for nothing until something happens. I mean, most of the stuff we do is for nothing. It's for the actual, we just want to create something, get something out there and see what happens.

A lot of the shit and nothing happens. I mean, a ton of the shit just fucking goes away. How many ideas did we come up with? How many things have we right that we just thrown away? That's just gone. That we might never go back to that. We spent six hours on this apartment, just fucking whaling it out, handed it in and going,

eh, nah, it's not right. And then it's gone. That's fucking crazy. The more the more successful you get the harder We're gonna have to fucking work, right? You know, which you know, people want it for nothing People just want fame. There's people that want fame and then there's people that want to actually be creative and create shit That means something to them, right? You're not to get too fucking artsy, you know I know we're fuck you know a lot of stuff we talk about we talk about a lot of pussy and dick jokes and we shit our pants and whatever You know, they move. We're not the fucking most prolific people in the plant

But who the fuck is as far as comics go it sucks because we're the black sheep of the industry too We're the fucking ones out there actors get this fucking mystique about them that and they get to fucking play that mystique Comics were always honest. We don't get to do that mistake just far. You know what I mean? Like we have to be ourselves all the fucking time. You obviously a comic in an interview. He's fucking himself. Jim Carrey, Eddie Murphy. You know what I mean? We're a fucking goofing around. We're honest. You ever see an actor in an interview and they get to pontificate and fucking fake that fucking aura of an actor. And I don't always, that always bugs me, man. I get mad at comics when they'll go because I don't like that it's that way. And I don't, I'm not saying I don't want to be myself,

but I get mad at comics that'll be like, you're a fucking clown. Go out there and be a clown. I don't like when I see comics sit down on a talk show and talk serious It's like well fuck you. I'm a fucking artist and a person like anybody else when when Deneur sits down for an interview And I'm not comparing myself to near obviously I'm just a dog when an actor Yeah, pick a fuck pick some what did I have American pie pick one of those guys? It's in big So I had not even Jason. All right. I'm with you now But you know, I mean? When an actor. Jason Biggs now.

Not when he was on American. But by the way, if by chance you're listening and you're a fan. So wait. And the, the, the, the, the, the point is is that is that when an actor sits down, do an interview of any kind. Yeah. They talk. And they do an interview.

When a songwriter sits down, they don't sing through the interview. When an actor sits down, they don't do monologues to the interview. It's like, when we sit down, it's like, yeah, maybe I don't feel like being funny. Maybe I want to talk serious about stuff right now. Right. It's like, you know, I'm not a 24 hour joke machine. Yeah, but it's annoying. But our personalities, I know what you're saying. Every time I'm through, every talk show, It's the comic has to go out and be funny

But I mean the actors have to go out and be funny too and it's harder for them You ever see actors have to go out these fucking stories So you were you had a barbecue this weekend. Yeah, and they have to fucking oh my god Painfully get through the story and try to be funny and have timing It's it's almost easier for us to do a fucking talk show than it is for a, because we don't give a fuck. We could give a shit. You know, like Seinfeld said when he was auditioning

for the show, you could always tell the actors from the comedians. Because the actors were in the audition room rehearsing their lines, you know, really trying, this could be the moment, this could be it, this could be my big break. And all the comedians were out there like, this is fucking up my whole afternoon.

Christian Slater's interview was so great on, I was like Kimmel or something. I don't know, one of the late shows. Yeah. But he's telling this story that's just going on. And on. Sorry. Yeah, then he just stops and he goes,

by the way, the show that I'm on is on every Tuesday at 1am. Exactly. And the just stops and he goes by the way the show that I bought is on every Tuesday It went exactly and the guy goes do you do the show goes? Yeah, it's really like total long story That was actually funny that he was great like First time I saw guy be honest in a while where he's just like yeah, you know, I know this is going nowhere All right, let's fucking wrap this up. This is getting to be an hour Anyways, you don't watch MMA at all. No sports whatsoever.

Wrestling, professional wrestling. Oh, how great was the rock? It's amazing. How, you know what's a good show too? Which I didn't think I was going to like, which they brought back tough enough. The new one, which is totally bookarty. I'm telling you, it's stone cold.

It's worth watching just to get to the end at the elimination It's stone cold in the ring with the three bottom three which they stole from American Idol and he is so raw and Fucking honest, you know people are really afraid of stone cold Yeah, the rest of them do like really legitimate the other wrestlers are like this guy's no fucking joke He parades these motherfuckers. It's girl doesn't matter what you are. He fucking snaps at him and really gets in their face. He said to one guy last night, he goes, uh, the guy goes permission to speak and he just gave him a big speech about you gotta be the alpha male. You get you think Vince McMahon, if I wanted, they

had me be a curtain jerk or when I first came here, I would not give everybody the finger and fucking swear at him and be created Stone Cold. I made my own opportunity. You have to be the alpha male. This guy goes permission to speak. He went, oh Jesus, okay, really?

Yeah, okay, permission to speak. Go ahead. Just snaps at him. It's hilarious that tough enough this year is actually really good. They address why Stone Cold stunned Booker T. No, they didn't But it's fucking brilliant, but they do show how how hard it is on the body and how legitimate Yeah, legitimate fucking athletes these guys are to actually be wrestlers. These guys get fucking hard. This shit is no joke. There will be slammed and fucking power slammed and all the shit that they do.

The only thing that doesn't, they really hurt is the rock, the people's elbow. They can't show that because that stops the heart. That stops you heart. Well, the people elbow, that's the heart. That stops your heart. Well, the people level, you know, that's internal. Yeah. That's internal damage. But it's a great show. But now I tell you what sucks is now that WrestleMania is over. And they announced that Cena and the rock, you know, are going to be fighting in main event next year. Main event next year. Right. Which is how they, because the rocks that I'll never leave again, we will let go, shit, he's back in wrestling. So they had to give him an out and they had to, they had to, you know, give face back to fucking scene. So the fans, why is that? It's an out, I'll be back next year. I'm not leaving. I'm still going to be back through

the year, dude. He won't be, he won't be, trust me, he won't be. He's got, he's got three movies coming up. He's not going to coming up, he's not gonna be back. He's gonna come back for WrestleMania, fight Cena for the title, lose. I know it's gonna happen. The month that the rock was in, or the two months that the rock and stone cold were back in the UFWE, was fucking amazing.

I was in, dude, they got me. Last night, last night, fucking I'm out. I was back a hundred percent I'm out all about it man. Oh, it's all about it. I sort of watching all the wrestling documentaries again The Bobby the Brain Heen document is one of the funniest things I've ever received all the ones on Netflix that they have are actually great the 50 best wrestlers fucking great Jericho was good the only one that is f**king unwatchable and please watch it. I'm really into watching unwatchable shit. Like if I see Jan Michael Vincent on TV of one of his movies, I'm watching it. You know what I mean? The only one that's unwatchable is Sting because they made it like a mockumentary like almost like a documentary like

it was a movie but it was real and it ends with him finding Jesus Christ. Dude you have to watch it. Watch this thing one. Watch all the other ones, they great. But watch this thing one and the Ricky Steamboat was fucking great too. I like the Jericho one. I'm a big Jericho fan. Yeah, the one thing I didn't like though was that I didn't like when Jericho started wearing the suit and stuff I didn't like when he stopped being Y2J Because he was so funny man, and I didn't like when he got all serious

But in the documentary he seemed like he thought that that was a great change like he was like yeah, man That was the switch I stopped being Y2J and... Well, he had to do something, dude. He can't fucking... That character could only... It's not the rock. It's not Stone Cold. I thought that... I thought he could have been right up there with those guys. He was so funny, man. He was funny, man. And he's a great wrestler, like... He's a high-flier. Yeah, I want him to be that dude again. I like his...

Well, not too many high-fers that a fucking have Mike Mike skills And he definitely he was great. He was awesome, but I mean what sucks is It was great that the rock and stone cold came back for that minute But it sucks because there's nobody with that type of fucking Stage presence with those Mike skills that are in the UFC right I mean the WWE I keep saying UFC because I got back into the WWE for a fucking month. Dude, mid the 90s in the W.A. mid 90s out were the greatest. It was rock, stone cold.

Late 90s early 2000s. Yeah, undertaker, cane, the Dudley brothers mankind mankind the sock. Yep the hearty boys Rikishi the hearty boys that's another show watch that one Watch that one the hearty boys What's his name? You know edge Fucking stole what's his name's girl? What she was his remember that she was with the hearty boys Didn't one of them die what what's her name no no Christian and Edg didn't want to them die no dude what happened is is that uh fucking uh edge last night at

the end of fucking at the end of raw retired really legitimately fucking came out and he a couple years ago fucking broke his neck. They did the surgery. They did the surgery and after he wrestled in WrestleMania for the championship, the heavyweight championship, he went and got another MRI and he's done. If he wrestled, his arms were fucking, he was going to be paralyzed. He was almost paralyzed. And he can walk again?

He can walk. If he walks away now, he'll be able to walk, but he's gonna be fucked for the rest of his life. He's in so much pain. His arms, one numb, will go numb. So last night, it was really fucking cool and interesting. He retired in front of the fans and kind of gave a heartfelt speech.

It was really kind of cool. But he's the guy who fucked the hardy boy's girlfriend He was out with knee surgery. She was living with him He went in the middle of the night saw her phone light up. It was like all the lights were out in the house So her phone light up listen to the message. It was from edge Saying how much you love her and you can't do this anymore. He's gonna tell it. And he wanted to fucking steal in his chick, while he was out. It was fucking bad.

Then they brought him back. He got fired from the WWE. I keep saying UFC, because I'm a big UFC fan. God forbid you watch a legitimate sport. What, don't say wrestling is not legitimate. It's legitimate, but it's okay. All right, it's legitimate, but God forbid you fucking. I like the show, dude with what gets me with WWE is

It's the showmanship. I'm not saying that the other sports are had it, but I like the story stuff they add to it I like the movie element of it. Yeah, it makes me laugh the characters everything I like it. I get it I mean actually the Miz is growing on me me, uh, scene up at the rock, dude, came in, took the number one fucking baby face in WWE, and made the fans hate him. Even last night when he came out, they fucking booed him. It's gonna take him three months to get back to where he was. Do you can't see me? Dude, he can walk in and make anybody a piece of shit. That's fucking crazy. There's a great show once a year.

They just did the second one. So I guess they're gonna do it again till next April, whatever. It's called WrestleMania Woodshed. Yeah. These comics dance ain't your main and Mike Lawrence put it together every year. They do it out the Creek and the Cave and Queens.

Right. I did it the first year they did it. It's the most fun show I was a part of All they get like 30 comics and everybody has three minutes and you have to come out and do a wrestler promo So you either do a wrestler you made up or you reenact a legendary one or you just do a wrestler doing a new thing. Yeah, but Dan Soder Matt McCarthy tons of guys go out and do it. Soder does the best kid soda, funny kid, does the best macho man and Andre the giant impression ever. You deal both. McCarthy came out to Terry Funk one year. It's a blast dude. They packed the room, everybody in the rooms are wrestling fan.

The crowd starts chanting, like it's a real wrestling show. Dude, it's so much fucking fun now so mad I couldn't do it this year wrestling is definitely wrestling wrestling was back for a minute I think I'm gonna watch it and I see what happens but it's just without the rock and stone cold it just doesn't have it it's just it's it's doesn't got to get the characters back because it's fucking dude these guys The LH is the man still nice alright. I love triple H. I love triple H2

But it's like he's you know he's one It's he doesn't have the mic skills that the fucking stone cold in the rock house triple H is a great fucking heal But you need the guy to bounce it out. I don't mean all right Well if you if you're a wrestling fan even watch the documentaries on Netflix all them they're fucking great and safe sting for last. So you have a very anti-climactic fucking shit taste in your mouth. This this podcast was actually brought to you by moberal cigarettes and Coca-Cola, I want to thank them for sponsoring this and Apple computers.

I want to thank them for getting behind this. And also Tokyo 5 clothing line for sponsoring my podcast. The best clothing line out there for MMA and the casual MMA fan. If you like style and you like fashion, Tokyo 5 is the... Should say that you're lying before you get to see how all these people are. I'm lying about all of it. Nobody sponsors the show. Not even the fans. There's eight fans that listen to this. All right, dude. Thanks for doing this. Thanks for making me come to your fucking house.

And that's it. Bye!