Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Joe List, Ari Shaffir | Wig Hair

Episode Date: April 5, 2021

This week Joe List and surprise drop in from a South America dwelling Ari Shaffir and get an incident report after Joe drank Ecuador water, we review Gabbys Instagram, and get into Bobby being back on the road! SUBSCRIBE TO YKWD https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly https://thelaughbutton.podlink.to/YKWD​ http://www.ykwdpodcast.com FOLLOW YKWD http://www.twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://www.instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast http://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast FOLLOW ROBERT KELLY http://www.twitter.com/robertkelly http://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive http://www.facebook.com/robertkellylive New episodes arrive every Sunday via The Laugh Button For advertising opportunities email: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. these back again. Old school back in the day, where it all started before them all. I'm the kind of white kid I used to be. This podcast is so fun and crazy and has no rules. Shut up, you all are winning this! We're the more aggr- I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done.

Is there any better show? This is the original. The original. You know what, dude? What's happening, everybody? Robert Kelly, I've been mushed out of the gate. But it's okay, I fucking knew it was going to happen. Welcome to the show. I'm in the hamster. I might be a little laggy, but I'm definitely not a little I am I'm both I'm a oh shut up guy for you Hope bitch you're my the fuck she's gonna get a candle cuz she fucking planning about a little joke anyways Now I'm canceled. It shows over. Everybody.

I see a new YKW because a hay haired asshole, Gabby Bryant fucking ruined everything. You know what? Just go to everybody, Mike. What I wanted to do is fucking ruined because you left everybody's mic on and you fucking went to them first. So it's like roulette. But it's not your fault, Mike, because I didn't explain myself. It's my fault. Anyways, I want to thank Pillow Cube. If you guys want, I have my pillow cube right here. It's the best pillow I've ever had. If you're a side sleeper, I have a bad neck and a bad back and a pinch nerve because all these pillows, all shit, no shells. I have a bad neck and a bad back and a pinch nerve because all these pillows, all shit, no cells, I got this pillow cube and it saved my day.

It goes right in here, fits perfectly and I sleep like a baby now. RK 10 discount code if you want to get 10% off a pillow cube. Love those people over there. And of course, the people at tiny homes, God bless them. I'm in the hamster right now. We're going to be doing an extra 10, 15, 20 with Joe, Joey Titz, one of the regs, Joe list, one of my favorites. Actually, has become one of my closest friends. If you can believe that. And of course we have Gabby,

the woke hip dog that is slowly going to take everything down and is what the fans call her, some of them, the killer of fun, the breaks of comedy. Wow, what a perfect intro. This makes me love doing this podcast. Thank you so much. Who says, you're like the audience member that I get kicked out. You say a fucked up joke and they go, wow, what comedian goes, wow. I didn't say that. And of course, we got mushy in the background. I've been mushed already. We're going to try to go 30 days without a mush. And if we do, everybody gets steak dinner.

What's that mean? What's a mush? That's when I asked Mike to do something and it fucks up. And he does do it when you get mushed. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, it's fun. But 30 days we get a steak dinner. And today was the first day and now we're back to zero.

So we have tomorrow, right mush? That is correct. There you go. Um, anyways, how you doing, Joe? I'm doing pretty good. We should go get a steak dinner. I know every time we talk, I make a new plan, but we should go to Del Frisco is something nice no Gabby obviously No more she's just white dudes. I'm thinking you know, just good old straight whiteies I wouldn't say straight Oh, wow Not cool Gabby you gain weight? No. I lost weight.

Really? Yeah. Did you know the average person, Bob, this will make you feel good, I think, because I feel like you've done well during the pandemic. I feel like it's not. But good. The average American, I heard this on TikTok, average American gained two pounds per month during pandemic.

Yeah, sounds about right. But you lost, did you not? I lost and then I put back, I found. Well, I lost 50 pounds and I found it in a room in a hotel room. It's called the kitchen. Well, that's either here nor there, but most Americans gained like 20 pounds.

And myself included, my pants don't fit. I just think Gabby's face looks wider. Does it really? Yeah, I don't know if it's a camera or a, I don't know, I don't know what's going on. Listen, I'm gonna tell it's on bike. I'm shredded right now. Wow, and a nice apartment too.

Thank you. That's the problem. That's the problem. She has a strong life. I've no struggle in life. Why are you attacking me today? What the fuck? You're in a bad mode and you're taking out of me. Why? I don't know because you're a woman. Stop. I know why I know why. You're a wife. Do it to your wife. I She left already done the fuck You have a wife, do it to your wife. I, she left, I already done it to her. The fuck? You know why?

Because this is why you went wow on a joke. I said, first of all, I said Jesus. And second of all, my bike was supposed to be muted and I was actually talking shit behind your back. You weren't supposed to hear that. It, yeah, but that type of horse shit, you're like, it's like that's what some asshole in the crowd would do if they heard a fucked up joke.

Jesus, like, it's either you laugh or you don't as a comic, either the joke bombed or it is, you don't go, oh my God, that's over the line. What the fuck does Jesus mean? Explain that to me. What is, was that too far? You're in bad mood. I'm in a bad mood. I'm in a fucking bad mood.

You see, okay, first of all, I like the hotel. It looks like a fake background. It looks like a weird, you're fucking a lady on the side. And she's not like hot. Like it's like cheap hotel lady, you're fucking like some kind of New Hampshire skank, you know? I listen, I'm the King of Zoom. Just because I'm in the white mountains in the Hampshire at a hotel, doesn't mean that I can't bring lights and set up a beautiful backdrop and make myself pop.

You understand? I got 40 photo lights that I bought that fucking, I got this and then I got the blue that pops me off the back and then I have the front one. Yes, I'm looking great. I was gonna go here, but that was just too much, I think. Yeah, that one stinks. Thank you.

I like that the blue is like, it's like a little bit of a mood. There's like, it's you have devil. Seriously a mood. This is like, you have devil. Seriously, I'm a, you know, I'm a film guy. I have a podcast called Joe and Ron on Talk Movies. And it looks like you almost have like a devil in an angel. You have this blue soft, maybe kind of sad, sad Bobby. And then you have this like flaming hot, angry Bob. You got angry and sad and one thing.

And who will win? We'll find out if Gabby talks again, we're gonna see the angry surprise side problems. I mean, listen, I might be out of line, but when a comic goes, oh, geez, I get fucking angry. He froze, it's such a weird spot. You had a built open eyes closed free. I have the internet.

The guy at the front desk, I do you have good internet? He goes to works for me. Okay. You're around, you're 400 pounds. You haven't shaved in a month and you have skin tags in the back. You're a few. Remove. Uh, so okay, you refuse to remove. So, okay, it works for you. This is going to stink for me. How's that?

So, I apologize. No, that's all right. I just get nervous that I'm going to step on your shit or vice versa. No, it's okay. You can step, please step on my shit. Well, you know what? I think, Joe, I talk to you about this yesterday. I think Gabby's representing a certain person that has been in my life for a long time. Like a certain kind of person you made, not a specific person. I told you what happened last night, Bush was there. Yeah, and she was on your wife with a couple of brads. Cool. You had to free something in a hotel.

You said, didn't you say you hooked up with two ladies, one was older, and one was young, you gave me a lot of details. And you said you took your wedding ring off and hit it and your coat pocket. What am I, dick van Dyke? I'm not. Hey ladies, I'm sucking it up. No, I'm fucking, I'm fucking check out my wedding ring on I don't give a shit Come on

Is dick man dyke a known philander? I love buddy. Is he known for cheating on his wife? Not as question I know. And that was an honest answer I gave you. Nothing. I think if I was wondering the same thing, frankly, I wasn't sure, but I went with it because it feels like you're in a mood that a dick van Dyke's just a funny name. So I'm in a mood because yeah, I don't like listen, I feel like this, I feel like we, I like, like, first of all, two things happen last night with what happened to me at the club, with that girl, which is, I'm going to say it, and this is sexist, and I, every time the problem at the club, every time, 95% of the time, maybe 97. It's a girl, it's a woman.

It's a woman, yes. It is, it's just a fucking girl who feels like she can't, if she doesn't like it or she feels she needs some attention or she has to get on her phone or she has to have conversation. There's the rules to apply to her. The don't talk, the, you know, no conversations, the, can't use your phone, has has nothing that's all for you people that's not for me And it's always and last Shit that's all I need I mean are you dying Your face I

All right, I think you look good you look nice dude. You look good. Where are you? It's Beach Week. I'm on the coast. Chill. I learned to surf. I fucking ate some tortoise. Some ancient tortoise. They lived in about 150 years old. And I fucking in 30. They are delicious. What does this tell you about the state of New Hampshire? Ari has better, clearer Wi-Fi than Rucker and who's in New Hampshire. Ari's in the fucking equator. It was some tribe. He's fucking eating turtle.

He's the only place in the world that is eating where you can eat turtle and not be arrested. Bob, Bob, he's in and out. We hear like every third word. And Ari's coming in fucking HD crystal clear, the equator. Bob, are you a new fucking place, new hamster? No, I'm up here. I was looking at the land today. I had to go look at the land.

And I had to talk to the guys. We have to add all the shit, the sewage and the well. And we removed trees. And there was a tree that fell on my land. All this crazy shit today. Put a pit barbecue. I'm putting in a barbecue and putting in a fire pit. I'm actually, you know, you're gonna love this.

Both of you, all three of you, queens, are gonna get Jesus. That's terrible. Don't say it, Bobby. Got me. Last second. When he said both of you, he realized he didn't put your in the water.

I know. I included her because she's... I'm shocked he included me, so. Yeah. I included her because I'm gonna put a, build a yoga pad in the woods. Ooh. Oh.

I'm gonna make a path with pea gravel out into the woods and it's gonna go to a, just a wooden like, little pad where it's gonna have places to hang your clothes or your towels, put your mats. It's going to have like a little speaker out there and you're going to be able to go out there and do yoga. I mean, I'm not going to use it, but it's for you guys. That's a very great question. It's back or buzz.

Yeah, we could do that. Oh yeah. I am putting a camp in the back. I looked at that today. I'm going to put a place. So if you guys come up, you can just put your a camp in the back. I looked at that today. I'm gonna put a place. So if you guys come up, you can just put your tents out in the back. Have your own fire pit. You'll be like in the woods, but you can take a shit and take a shower.

So right now, do you still enjoy the place glasses? You guys put your glasses in that moment. I can't going to get it. I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get it.

I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get it. Everyone's talking about how healthy you look. A lot of fish, dude. It's a lot of fish. I should have, yeah. I should have, yeah. I should have came with you.

I should have just left it not told on anything. And I would have came back just healthy and fucking had my shit together. And you know, she'd be like, oh, it was worth it. I'm glad you left us for six months. How long till she noticed? Oh, four days. Four days, and I was like, what's different?

Yeah, dude, I went away for three days. I had, she called me two days in. I'm like, you don't even care. Like, you know what, fuck. Ari, some of us asking me this. Can I ask this question? Sorry to make the R.E. show here, but someone was asking me, how are you pulling off being in South America for so long?

How did you get a six-month visa, whatever? I thought it could only get 120 days. It's nine days, 30 days, you can get extended for another three months, and then you got to move to another country or or get a do a border run Oh, so you weren't you couldn't even like pretend to put a joke in you just had to answer completely straight But you did ask it like you were really Here I know I figured there'd be there'd be something to kind of racist or spicy or sexual, any kind of just the pure honesty.

I'll back it. Joe, ask me again. What are the things? I'll throw. People are really wondering, is it legal to just go to South America for six straight months? Well, Joe, when you're white, you can do whatever the fuck you want.

They want to come out here, this country. But wait, still no joke? I'm sorry. But wait, still no joke. I'm just here laying the groundwork for another Asian attack. They don't have Asians here yet, but we're trying to import them in so we can push. I can see it. There goes my fucking new capture. I shouldn't have said anything. That was my fault.

Yeah, fuck you, Joe. For fucking making it. Why would you get the Irish show? Now my Patreon's going to be taken down. It's all fucking over. Oh, you love you. Oh, wait, no, it's back. Harry, I was just telling Joe, I had a girl in the audience last night, talking, just fucking talking the whole show. Every time I made a joke, sounds like a fucking girl dude.

I've been there. Every time I made a joke, she would go like this. And try to get the attention of everybody around her with their fucking eyebrows and face. Oh, like, and I was just like, oh my God, shut up, stop. All right, static talking, conversation. I was like, and then God, I just sat up, sat up, sat up, talked, conversation. And then I finally got to the point where I said, could you please stop talking seriously

as a human? Could you just stop? And she goes, she goes, yes, I will. She literally goes like this, she goes, I will, yes, I will. I go, I believe you, I actually believe you. She goes, I will. I literally goes like this, she goes, I will. Yes, I will. I go, I believe you. I actually believe you. She goes, I will. I go, great. I go, you, you, you have good parents. They, they raised you right because I human to human. That was a, that was cool. Back to my act, five skins, she turns her, turns her body to a friend and starts talking like they're at Starbucks.

And right through, and I try, what the fuck? And then I'm like, she's just gotta go, you go. And she goes, my mother committed suicide a month ago. And you brought her up and said something about her. And I went, what? I go, I didn't say shit about your mother. I said, who raised my good parents. Yeah, I go, if I knew about your mother, I would have for sure said something.

It's a missed opportunity if I knew. Trust me, it's not the kind of comic I am. It's definitely worth a mock report. Yeah, I would have definitely took my shoelace out and tried to do a fucking act out. So now fucking annoying, John. Immediately, a fucking immediately back to stand up. And I'm like, she said, you triggered me when you brought up my mother and said that about my mother.

You're not triggered yourself. Nice. Oh, counter. That was good. Jack Coward. I do think I would say I'm curious of Gabby's experience and Ari's experience. I think the 98% is high with how often it's a woman as a cause of a problem. But I do think it's like 85, realistically, that's my percentage. Well, you said on the phone today 95.

Did I say 95? Maybe I'm the phone today when I talked to you, said 95. I wouldn't have went 95 if I didn't think you were gonna back me at 95. If I thought you were gonna, if I thought you were gonna push out when, because Gabby's on the podcast, I'm not really sure.

I'm not sure. I'm mending, I'm mending. And you brought Sarah into it, you said Sarah feels the same way. I'm mending, I'm mending it, but I stand by what I said on the phone, and I've said this many times before, the real issue is when it's a man causing the problem,

it's a man being an asshole. He's like, I'm gonna heck, I'm gonna fuck with him. But a woman, she usually thinks, she's like, I'm just having fun, which is actually harder to deal with, because the guy you can be like, fuck you, you're fucking, Lou, you're fat, you suck, whatever. But the lady's going, I'm just having fun, which is actually harder to deal with, because the guy you can be like, fuck you, you're fucking lose, you're fat, you suck, whatever, but the lady's going, I'm just having fun.

What is this? And it makes it more difficult. Yeah, yeah. Well, I am easily turned into a victim where you, because here's the thing, if you attack them back, I was just laughing. And you're like, gotta make a physical.

You gotta hit him. Yeah, post COVID. There's no more time for that fucking. Punch. Punch. Right. The bottom of the mic stand when it's that round one that really fucking bested across. Pick the. All right. What's what's your percentage? What times the audience is disruptive? What's your percentage gender? It's it's definitely high as a woman. gender. It's definitely high as a woman, but let's make it, let's make it not so like demeaning towards like social justice. It's almost always a white woman. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. I would say it's always a white woman. I would say it's always a woman. That's because we don't sell tickets to the African American community. No, black, no, I tell these black,

I don't know the name of the way to my shows, but black lady will sit there and stare at you like you're confusing her. Like, and then, I'm not even black, it's black. They'll leave the laugh or they won't. They're the best laughers. Yeah, so I mean They do not heck unless

Yeah, if you're bombing though you they'll come after you but it's in fun. It's to have more fun It's actually to make what's happening the uncomfortableness funny But if you stink or if they're just not digging you they'll just stare at you They will not heckle. No way. They will always Women that are I yeah, I had a woman I was talking about kids for a long time It was like a few years ago and she raised her hand and I was like yes And she goes is this all you're gonna talk about just children But I'm definitely gonna be talking it for another like 25 minutes. So you should go outside and come back.

And she goes, okay, that you did. She went and smoked and came back. But what a fucking confident piece of shit to think that you can interrupt a live performance? Would you do that in front of a fucking play? Would you, I mean, are you gonna do that in a like you know, hey excuse me? Are you guys gonna get to that song because that's my favorite? So you know, I mean only comedy can you interrupt a guy and

Just make Just the performers directly ask a question to the audience. No one's like, hey you guys know to be or not to be or what? ask a question to the audience. No one's like, hey, you guys know it's a beer, not to beer, what? I can't just add something, because, as Bobby mentioned, we've become much closer, and I just wanna put something out there. The reason earlier today we had a similar discussion,

and I said, yes, 95% of the time, and then I changed it to 85, and you made it seem like I fucked you. But in reality, earlier this morning, I actually thought 85, but you were ranting. And so I'm such a good friend. I did not take that opportunity to cut you off and say, actually, it's more like 85.

I gave you eight hours to cool down. And then I said, and then I said, you know what, actually, I think it's 85. I didn't want to, in the moment, say, hold on, Bobby, could you stop ranting because I think you're off by 10%. A good friend would have been like, at that moment, while I was ranting, said, it's probably about 85, I'd say. And I'd be like, yeah, you know what? Maybe you're right, 85. And you would have cooled me down with that. No, you, you, you live in a fire by going, yeah,

dude, 95. No, no, no. If I, you, do you like fuck women, women, where most women stuck? No, if I had said it's actually 85. So that's crazy. That's not okay. Jesus. I didn't think it was okay there, and I was, my wife's like been saying anything, but yeah, it's a little outrageous.

I, what you would have said, dude, you fucking nitpicking. Okay, it's 10% less than fuck you. That's not even 85% is high to be honest. You're saying eight. Well, I tell me the, then you can't don't say you guys are just bringing it down because you cut one of the, what's the other percentage then my audience is 98% male. So like, it's crazy if it's a woman most times.

No, it's not. It is not because the woman that go to be yapping because they don't like the horse shit male crap you're talking about. Yeah, I will say when a guy heckles, it's like, you almost always wants him done. And then you got me whatever. Yeah, you can tell me, you me fuck up, make fun of his

face. And he's done, right? Yeah, what's your experience? How often I assume you're getting heckled a lot? And nonstop, truly. I always feel like as a man heckling at you and women just talking amongst themselves. Yeah, that's what I was basically saying. I said, we agree. Like a woman is never a woman is never shouting things at me But she won't shut the fuck up and a man is just shouting things at me, but he's not even talking to his friends I think we got in trouble here for assuming gender Someone comment There's no thank you. He's being he's being he's choking. Oh, I see we shouldn't I

saying we shouldn't assume because we could be wrong. I see I thought we triggered. I'm in a man's clothing. Transvestite still around us. No. No, it's I don't know. Gabby, what do you think? I don't know Gabby. What do you think? I? I don't know. I mean, do I even think she may work? You never hear about trans people? I think trans sites are just trans people. No, no, no, it was a different thing. Transvestite is a dude like me dressing up like a woman. But not going in and on. You're doing it for like for the love of the game.

I look at a cross dresser. Yeah, sure. Transvestite. Yeah, trans, a trans B. Yeah, transvestite is different than the trans sexual. Transsexual. What happened to them? Um, this is a background Brooklyn.

Okay. I think you still, you just still, uh, they're still around. I saw one in the middle of nowhere at a fucking breakfast place the one night. But what does the word vestite mean? Like trans means like a cross or something like that, right? But what's a vestite? Anybody want to look that up for us? Can we just make it up? Vestite? So someone who I mean vests is the obvious way to go.

I mean, that's the obvious way to go. Oh, God. What the fuck? I got COVID. I'm positive. I just tested positive a couple days ago. No, I get, but I'm really interested though. I'm used to it's less than 85%. What is the percentage you think it is?

Let me think. The women who just won't shut up. This is a man. Damn. Not those vests, mate. I found a definition. 84% of you, 38% for. 80% for.

Oh, to say, 85% of you. I don't know. I don't know, but muggy years. I don't know. That's. It's high. All right. Wait, hold on.

Gabby has transvestite definition. Vestite is Latin for clothing, so transvestite is a cross dresser. Okay. Nice, which is why it's out because there is no cross dressing. There are no clothes that are male or female. Those rules are over, so you can't be a cross dresser. Why are those, what do you know? Rules are not over pants are not for men or women pants are just pants dresses to others, but there's women's pants and women's

Men's pants is a women there's a woman's department or a big regressive Go to every fucking mall. It's a man's department without Congrats congrats on your hands the blood on your fuck you're seeing yellow blood is on your hands oh my god so sick of this Bobby I can't take it I mean you just have to burn everything down I love that. Gabby and Joe are just not talking. So they, they have just my, oh, I didn't know what I was saying.

It was my mind. He was muting. I just get whiffed about serious everybody over there's being. So I don't have any emotion there. Well, that's why I kind of snapped the Gary and Gabby and I'm sorry for snapping at you. I think it was from last night and then I did a joke a little I said Fag and she went Jesus Like it was I I fucking

I Said the end work, but I guess the the Fag is the is bad now right Gabby can't say that Not really, but I didn't say Jesus. I didn't like gas and clutch my pearl. I just said Jesus Yeah, what is it? I didn't say Jesus. I didn't like gas and clutch my pearl. I just said, Jesus. Yeah, what is that? Can't say what's out. What the, when was, I guess you can't, you can't say it.

You can't, I can't call, I can't, I can't call Joe who let's be honest. Is that, well, I think it's more, it shouldn't be the first word on the podcast. That's pretty funny. What's mushy is batting average because he only pipes in everyone's the wild It's very good very good Mushy's very good and the fact that he doesn't show his face and hits it like you know what I mean you know

I appreciate not seeing his face You know, I appreciate not seeing his face I look six months younger I looks actually Like Jack's like he's getting muscle or something. Oh Renders oh my god, that is appalling Oh my God, that is appalling. Look part of the body is that. Is he upside down? Is that his bum?

Oh my God. My God. Have you have any incidents down there? We had a diarrhea incident. What? You had a diarrhea incident. I? You had a diarrhea incident. I've only had diarrhea. I managed to control it.

What do you mean incidents? Joe. No, he's not answering you. Well, no. First of all, I mean, I don't know why Bobby's not mad at you for like, have there been any incidents? Well, what do you mean incidents? You know, fucking story, something fucking fun, dangerous, crazy.

You can't yes and that. You douche. What do you mean incidents? And then I could talk to him, right? What do you mean? And he goes, Joe answer. No, Joe said diarrhea incident. And that's what I was fascinated about.

And then, and then I was like like I hold my diarrhea because my asshole I'd train like a monkey less than you are I stopped seven at seven different gas stations for Joe to shit It was crazy. So here's what happened though I have a little conspiracy theory because I think I suspect either Ari or his buddy or both Saw me that it was a whole, don't drink the water situation. No, drink the water. No, drink the water. There's no, like, how should I interpret that?

Do not drink water. So, but now I obviously, I have a habit of just drinking, taking pills by drinking out of the faucet, like reflux medicine, but drinking out of, you know, here in America, we, you know, you pop a, you pop a pill and then you put your face under the sink, you drink it.

I make tea, three, four, five cups of tea a day. I drink it out of the faucet because I live in America. Still number one, baby. So, so we're there for like day five that were there. I make a big pot of tea. And I'm like, is anybody want some? And this is where I get suspicious. Ari's pals down there goes, yeah, I'll take some

and I go great. So I'll, and anyone else make a couple cups, boil it with the faucet water, have a lapse of judgment, boil it right in front of everybody. Then his friend just changes his mind, doesn't want water now, doesn't want teeth. It's a little suspicious. So I'm the only one that drinks it. I drink a cup of tea. We hang out 45 minutes later. We're all saying goodnight. I'm going to bed. I get hit with like the lower abdominal, abdominal snowman, whatever the fuck word. I have the worst

shit. I can't even believe how bad my diarrhea is. I go to bed, close my eyes and like a movie, 10 minutes into my, my eyes, my eyes just fling open. I stared at the ceiling and I go, I made fucking tea with the water. And I'm a green tea cunt. So I know you don't boil green tea. You know, you just drink, you, you cook it at like 175, 180. So i didn't even boil it then i'm just i thought the races horrible ships but i suspect either arey and his pal or both side and just decided to give me the shits okay great so here's here's the situation

i don't know if you heard about nine eleven some people think it was planned many other things while it was not planned the powers that be took advantage of what happened anyway and used it to go into war with many many other countries. So Joe, none of us planned to dose you with fucking South American bacteria water. But once you drank it, once we saw you warming it up, we're not gonna get in the way. So good. You were fucking shitting up you were. Show it to be around you. I just think the change your heart was a little suspect.

By the way, can I add this? I'm getting a text from a member and everybody knows you identify if people are on the line that we can't see, you have to identify it. Ari's got a snitch on the line with them listening to this. It's common knowledge that you say, hey, just let you know there's another person listening in on this. What if I had said this person's the biggest piece of shit in the world? I don't think that, but I could have. The person that let you drink the tea is right out. Yeah, who had a change of heart didn't want tea all of a sudden,

and I haven't drink a shit piloty Who was that sad that had to be Sarah It's my buddy Tony, but like but like yeah, I don't know Joe listen, dude I warned you not drink the water you drink the water and. And by the way, when you warm up bacteria water, it just activates it. Oh. It's not like a good thing. Yeah, it actually, it makes you grow.

Locals here are like, oh, I would never drink the water. They deliver water all the homes. God. I forgot and nobody was there to say, hey, wait, where did you make that? I mean, you think the people that were living in Ecuador for five months would say, hey, just just before you drink that, before you're the only one drinking that, did you make it out of the faucet?

Nobody said anything. Everyone just said, yeah, drink that and joy it. Have fun. And then, I had to ruin the last day by just shitting. I mean, literally, I would go into a gas station, have the worst diarrhea, like dumb and dumb or shits, get back in the car and go, we got to stop at the next one. It was not, it was like, honestly, two minutes later, we had to stop and go, it was a car, a ferriomatic, you could just stop and be great.

Right. It took us three hours to make an hour and 40 minute drive. It was bad. I was, I was, I was the gas station there, a pack of us. A horrendous horrendous. A horrendous, luckily we brought our own children. If it was no toilet paper at any of them, there was like huge cracks in the doors. It was horrible.

And then on top of this, Dr. Schaffer gave me some like super, what do you call, what's those call? Zip a knife and a Z pack. But what's that called? It's called a when it kills everything Antibiotic and anti antibiotic he gives me the super horse pill antibiotics the size of his giant cock and then I text Dr. Steve. I emailed Dr. Steve. I don't know. Don't do it. Ari. Ari. Don't do it. Michael. I don't do it. Ari. I'm doing anything. I emailed Dr. Steve and he's like, oh, please don't tell me you took those. Don't take those for diarrhea. Every time Ari does that, I get to see his penis and no one else can. I get to see his penis and no one else can

He gave me medicine that also fucked me up and then I had to go get probiotics and Dr. Steve was like, don't ever take advice from Ari again. Don't take medical advice. He did say medical advice, dating advice, that is fine. Who would take medical advice from Ari in a third real country? He's Jewish. What does that mean? That's something. That's something. He's Jewish. What does that mean? That's something really important in the medical.

Yep. He keeps showing his dick. How does Mike get it? Oh. I'm sorry. That's the thing. Sorry. Sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm really happy. Now this is what, I'm just going to have to... Now this is what you get with the unedited version of this fucking podcast. The camera, the camera, fall down towards you. Sorry. It's no tripods. Why? Why do you...

Why do you... Don't do it! Joe, don't do it. I've seen both of your dicks more than I've seen my dick in the last three years. By the way. That's, that's Joe. Joe. I got, I got, I actually got the shit in Guatemala.

It was so fucking bad. It was terrible. Did, did two of your dear friends that you trusted, like let it happen? No, but I got a salad and they washed salad with sink water. It's no good. Not yours. Yours is covered in leaves. Yeah, it was fucking, it was the worst thing in the world. Just Not even an American style toilets when you have this at home. You have your Nice and easy or soft as a cloud toilet paper

Not in the places. It's a fucking horror show. It's like here's your bucket for water in your asshole Where's the worst place you've been in South America? Here? Yeah. It's been, well, the problem is you can't flush your toilet paper. So you got to like wrap it up and take it to go. Oh, I'm sorry. What?

Yeah. You could throw it in the trash can, but that's not my style. So I take it with me out into the streets and I fucking eventually find a garbage can to put it in. I'm sorry. What are you saying you can't flush toilet paper? It's horrible. So let's go take it. You got to wrap it up, throw it away.

So I literally left my DNA across the country as we drove back. It's just my toilet paper, my shit, my butt pie is just all over the country. And we were sharing a house with, you know, another group of people, and I'm just adding my diarrhea, like mud, sick, yellow, shit, my people are showering smelling my... Yeah, it's tough. I choose not to do it.

I take, that's why I take it with me. I find a place to throw it away on the pool. Why can't it accept the toilet paper? I don't understand that. I've never heard that. The pipes aren't strong enough. It's just not that it'll get clogged up. It won't take it.

So you had to shit. Wipe your ass, take the shit paper, and wrap it off, and then take it. Take it to get on. What I've chosen to do, and Joe, I think I told you this, I think Sarah tried it once, right? I don't know where you're going with this,

but she hasn't tried much, sexually. I'm just thinking, you go shit, no white straight shower. Yeah, that doesn't work, that's crazy. We talked about this there, unless you have like a high powered, because it's self-america water pressure It's like drizzling out so it's just smear it's just making it's making like a woodstock situation

If you had like a like a horse like hose like a you know Right situation you could put that in your butt. Yeah, you're gonna stick your ass your hand in shit. Oh your ass, your hand in shit. Oh, yeah. Let me wipe it right off. You wipe it right off. No, Sarah didn't do that. You don't think your fucking hand is right up in there? I don't get shit on my hand ever. I never do, dude. It gets it on his neck though. It gets it all over his cock. Listen, I'm not gonna say I haven't. I'm not gonna say I haven't got shit. Yes, once in a while crappy 12 paper, it goes through or I miss and I, you know, my fingertip, whatever,

but most of the time, I would say 95% of the time, the same percentage of white girls ruining comedy shows. I don't get shit on my hand. I'm very. When you like wipes in your face and like try to like scare people but wipe it shit in your face, what do you do gloves or how do you do that? I don't wipe shit. I don't wipe shit in my face. Are't like shit either. I don't like piss though. I'll sit in somebody's piss. That doesn't bother me at all. You'll sit in it.

Well, I'm not interested in it. Not necessarily, but I've gone to the air. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it.

I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it.

I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it. I'm not interested in it.. You'll sit in it? Well, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, No, they proved that our mythbusters that piss is an antiseptic. Antisemitic? No. Mythbusters, people hate, hate, pay Jews. Pistons, Pistachus. Yes, yes, yes.

What up? Why are you getting through? I'm not. What's that? What's that? Pistachus on athletes, what does that work? Why are you getting through? I'm just... What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? That actually does work like a sprained ankle if you take a dump on a sprained ankle. Yeah, yeah, because the heat the heat actually helps the The muscles so if you don't have a choice of heat if you don't have a heat pack if you just take a hot shield in your ankle

Your knee. I have somebody do it. You can save that me That goes for like spinal cord injuries too. If you see anybody who get like a motorcycle accident or something, shit on their neck and it will kind of keep it nice. Oh, and yeah, how many shit on this chest? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. everybody was there. Everybody was in the kitchen. Everybody watched me make it. Nobody stopped. I was on a cell phone.

I was on a cell phone. I was on a cell phone. I was on a cell phone. I was on a cell phone. I was on a cell phone. I was on a cell phone. I was on a cell phone. I was on a cell phone.

I was on a cell phone. I was on a cell phone. I was on a cell phone. Why does it sound like a muddy, it sounds like my diarrhea? What's going on, m- There, yeah. Something somebody's in the bathroom. What? What's he doing? It's out of this world that noise. Oh, it's crazy. Tell the other guy in the bunk above you to get off the internet so you can have the

wifi back. We're all just staring. I don't understand what the noise is. I'm waiting for, I don't know what's happening over there. Ari. Fuck it. Why is he, does he make his girl stupid a bunk bed? I'm sorry. Yeah, fuck it. Why is he, does he make his girl sleep in a bunk bed? I don't know.

No, we at a house. We had like a beautiful house with, with bedrooms and it was gorgeous. Right. That's what I thought he was getting these really nice houses. That looks like he's in a hostel right now. Yeah, I think so. I think he, okay.

Did he leave for good that time? He laughed at thinking that our connection was going out and he waved goodbye and took off. Oh, okay. I didn't, I didn't realize his, his friend was in there and now he's all upset at me. I feel bad. He's mad at you. Why?

Why? Because he's like, this is a, this is a hit piece. This is bullshit. Your bullshit. But, you know, doesn't it standard to say, Hey, this other person is listening in? I mean, you know, it's like speaker phone in the car. You have to say, Hey, my wife's here. Yeah. Real quick, one of the ladybugs sent this photo, and then this photo, which I don't agree with. That is so funny. That is so funny.

It's Ari, not you. That's you, right there, next door. That's it. Listen, that has to be the fucking cover to this episode. So it has the Photoshop Joe's eyes. Yeah, put some little glasses on it. Oh, I don't know the fuck I love whoever did that. Who did that? I got a fuck. Oh, whatever I say, it's the ladybugs like that. It's usually, and I don't say a name, it's just me trying to be. I use such a sweetie machine.

Anyways. Well, I just want to apologize to everybody for inviting Ari. Oh, no, I, you know what, can I say something? I miss him. I really miss him. Yeah, it's fun. He sent me a really funny thing right before this and, yeah, it's fun. I mean, you just want him back. He's the kind of guy you want back because he's up

for doing stuff. He wants to go do stuff smoke. He never says no. He's just like, you want to go do this? You want to go, yeah, all right. Cool. When and he'll do it. If he can do it, he'll fucking do it. And he's, uh, yeah, it's not a problem. Even like when we went, you're the same way, like, you know, we want to push craft party boys. It's like, you know, hey, are you going to stay at my house? All right. Cool. That, you know, you're the same way, like, you know, we were a pushcraft party boys. It's like, you know, hey, are you gonna stay at my house? All right, cool, you know, you sleep here, I'll sleep on it, nobody gives a fuck, it's like, not that shit's an issue, you know?

Where did we sleep? I can't even remember, we slept in the living room. Oh, on the floor, yeah. He slept in an air mattress. And then we went up the goddamn mountain. And I wanna do it again, I wish we could do it again. We should have invite Gabby sometime and then maybe see her when she's changing or something like that. Exile here, whatever.

Usually, you know what I mean? You say behind my back. Yeah. Like I just think like maybe like the sun is rising. So the tent is backlit. And you see what those lanky shadows, you know, and's just like just enough to go. Oh Gabby does nothing for me. I would have seen a lanky shadow like a like a like a seeker like the crypt keeper. Look at our Instagram. It's I mean, it's progressively becoming like, you know, one of those fucking It's fun. I mean, it's progressively becoming like, you know, one of those fucking, uh, what's that page that everybody goes to the fucking, uh, no joke page at the end of the

fuck. And what is the thing? The only thing. And only fans. Her Instagram is slowly becoming an only fans. Why is that? I'm gonna do bikini pictures. Mush, edit that so I just said that like straight. Like, right? Mush. Make it so it goes. Her Instagram's becoming an only fans. Just put that in. Yeah, her website is called if only I had fans. Gabby.

Gabby, what? What? You are slowly getting more naked and more naked on your page. I don't think there's a problem with that. I'm fine with this. I think it's fine. I'm fine with it. It's fine.

I'm fine with you doing whatever you want. But I mean, it does bother me. I mean, in a, like, an uncle type away when I see you. And, you know, I mean, and I've tried it. I'm like, oh, let me, all right. Everybody says Gabby is gorgeous. Everybody says Gabby. She's so pretty.

And then I'm like, I look and I'm like, I don't see it. I see a. Fuck you. I see. Yeah, I'm like, I look and I'm like, I don't see it. I see a, I see. I see. Yeah, I'm looking. I don't know. I mean, what do we got?

What do we got, mush? Not that. I mean, he's, I see it in him. Isn't he gorgeous? It's actually yours. For fucking shoulders and that hair. God bless him. Scroll down, mush.

I'm going through it like in all the weird ones. Okay, okay, who's legs of that? Johnny Depp's? That wasn't mine. I just think it's fun to every now and then post a bikini dick remind people that I have a gorgeous face in a perfect body. Why is it a big? I can't much earned off. I'm sorry. Most of all waitresses at the comedy club.

Are you at the comedy club right now? I just went to a real. Let's see what you like. I did a nice creepy like Sash. Yeah, Joe did some creeps. What did you like? We did some five solid creeps. Okay, I just went through the the sexiest ones that gave him a like. He did that one. Yeah, I don't get that one. That one you can see, you can see where the babies come out.

Come on. Look at it. Look at it. That one. He liked that one. Yeah. Yeah. I look shredded in that. The nice bushes. You don't thank you. He did that one. Oh, yeah, I'm going to say this, Gabby, in that one, you look... Don't rip on my body. I'm going to say, oh, can I finish my sentence? Yeah. Can I finish my fucking sentence? Gabby, in that one, you look good. Thank you.

That one, you look like you had a double mastectomy. You're so right. That one you look like you had a double mastectomy. You're so right. I mean literally. That was sick. I'm hammer drunk and I'm like, great shepherd. Great shepherd said you look like a fit boy. Thanks Greg.

All right, anyway, don't. What kind of drug do you get? Are you like a... You singing over lamps? Wait a minute. Gabby had a good one. That was a fuck. She went to the guy Greg, she went, you don't.

I don't get it. He doesn't want. Oh, look. He looks like a fifth boss. He's unfit. She said he looks like a fifth boy and she went, you don't get it. He doesn't what? Oh, look, he doesn't look like a fifth. I can say he's unfit. She said he looks she looks like a fit boy. She went you don't That's it. That is good. I'm sorry. I missed your one good one per episode Every three episodes And your annual I know I do that. I just Fuck you, Gabby. It's offensive you up. You need this podcast. You need this podcast Gab that. I just want to fuck you, Gabby. It's tough to do up.

You need this podcast. You need this podcast, Gabby. That was like a few good men. You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. Gabby's so used to doing stuff where everybody's so supportive. She needs to be around real comics and we're vicious and mean. And we say the truth and hurts, and it feels bad.

And then you feel good at the end. Gabby doesn't need the support for her breasts. Because they're small, I don't know, that made sense. I think that it was something, I don't know. It was there. No, it was the support. Big kids need support, little kids don't need support. Nothing.

I think that's what I was, yeah. You went the other way. No, he was right. Was he right? Yeah. Yeah. I would say you guys though of any podcast, you guys have the best lip combo. You both have a great lip games. Thank you. We talk about this a lot.

Yeah. I mean, I bring it up every episode because Bobby's lips, I just go to bed thinking about them. I bring it up every episode because Bobby's lips, I just go to bed thinking about them. Mush, can we get a close up? Pfft. Oh, they look juicy right now. Oh, so plump. I mean, women would kill for your lips, Bob.

And your tits. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Anyways, I'm in a better mood now. I wasn't a very bad mood. Can I tell you why? Last night, the last

show, that shit. And then I had to get up. Me and Moosh, me and Moosh, both went to the airport and last this morning, like three in the morning. We both got there. and then we got through security and he was going to A gate, I was going to B, we separated, right? But we're both fat fox and we knew we saw that Chick-fil-A opened at 4.30. Whoa.

So I went back by myself and who was, who was, what fatty was in line ordered his own shit? We just both met like serendipity fucking fat birds. Who's who's what fatty was in line ordered his own shit? We just both we both met like Sarah dip it in fucking fapers and we ate Chick-fil-A. I Love Chick-fil-A. Oh Chick-fil-A is the best thing ever. It's the best god damn sandwich And I love that believe in Jesus Christ in America. They've the best fries Yeah waffle fries are great. I actually respect Chick-fil-A for having such convictions to lose that much money is stupid as it is, as dumb as they are. It's just impressive to sacrifice that much money.

We have the best chicken McNuggets on the planet earth. The best chicken, it's actual fucking chunks of chicken, and they're the best, and I'll get a 20 piece all day long. The fact that they have a 20 piece, I love them. Yeah, I got the zesty buffalo, the chicken strips, the breaded chicken strips, with zesty buffalo sauce, and I just drown them in that, and then the sugary ketchup after Oh, I just make sure I want to suck my own dick and see my

I want to see my dad naked it's no big whoop man That's not good the chicken is there's a lot of whoopin that there's too much whoop All right, I don't like the whoopin that okay, cuz I I don't have a dad to fucking fantasize like that all right I'm jealous. I don't like the whooping that, okay? Because I don't have a dad to fucking fantasize like that, all right? I'm jealous. I apologize. I want to see everyone's dad, especially Gabby's dad. I mean, I probably could see him naked. That's got to exist somewhere. Getty images. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I feel so bad. I got to call Ari's friend. I'm worried that they took it serious. Oh, he said nothing bad. I said that he poisoned me on purpose. Yeah, that's funny. Okay. Bobby, I tried to buy those glasses online.

I couldn't find them. Good. She tried to steal my glasses. Wouldn't that be so funny if I just logged on here with those fucking glasses? I tried. Someone actually, one of the fans was like, I'll Venmo you half so we could make this happen. I can't stand the fans. I hate you whoever that fan was. I hope you lose your job. I hope you do do it and then you need that money for something and you don't have it.

You do. Anyways, we're gonna go over, Joe, I really love that you came on. We're gonna go over the news. We do an extra little period here, a little overtime for the Patreon-only people. And we're gonna be going over some news topics. We're gonna be going over some other heated issues. And we're also going to be reading the names, the new names. Do we have new names much? Yes, we do. So anytime is a new Patreon person, we read their name aloud. And if it's a 10 or a 25, we do

something special. We usually let the guests do something special. Like Colin Quinn roasted their names last week. Siphon Sound had a little wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wh And he discovered that big singer. Rihanna. Rihanna, yeah, he's the. Pop the bell. And Rihanna Taylor. Rihanna Taylor. Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna Taylor. You're so close. I'm so close.

I'm so far. I'm so bummed that that happened. What? He did it a lot the other episode. Right. Oh, really? He did it so much. Why does my hair look so bad?

Because it's, you have wig hair. So we're going to be doing that, Joe. Yeah. So we'll figure it out. Anyways, I'm so excited to be doing that, Joe. Yeah, so we'll figure it out. Anyways, I'm so excited to be back on the road, but I'm going to get my shit together. I got to toughen up. It's just so hard. This is the hard part, Joe.

Hearing somebody talk while you're talking in your head, it's just, I can't deal with it. I don't know what it is. I just can't, it fucking drives me bad. Yeah, it's hard to do. I mean, I did a show last night, Long Island was a bar show. And it was similar where I stopped talking for a second. And the lady was just full lady.

It was just full volume. But I tried to just plow over it because I don't want to get in these big fucking shouting match bullshit. Because as A, it just doesn't make me feel good. I get to work up. But also there's a chance that someone will videotape that shit and it'll be viral. Bobby Kelly yells at the lady who's got cancer and then. Mother tried to suicide.

Right. Exactly. So. Yeah. But yeah, it's hard. And I haven't dealt with that yet because I did side splinters, which was just like like an amazing We it was one of those ones where every show ended up being like fantastic and BT is on it He'll throw them out and use their head to open the door. Yes That's what I fucking love dude. I was in Utah. It was awesome great fucking shows great shows loved it and now You know uncle uncle Vinnie's the week before it was fucking awesome no problems and Then this shit happened and it's like mother fuckers

Now this this message here's a little suspect because I was I wasn't there on Friday. I was there Wednesday So I don't know what's going on with Lou Literally it's literally interrupting the train of thought to give Joe an accolade in the middle of it, fucking mush. I appreciate it, mush. That's good producing. It's good producing, but it literally killed the fucking topic. It's like over now.

Yes, he fucking. No, stay on topic. No, your story was interesting, but this is about how great I am, right? And that is important. You know what? I take that back mush. You did a good job. You did a good thing. Thank you. Thank you.

You didn't take it, Bush. No, I know that you you you hit this and I say this all the time. My my my the thing I hate the most in life is the emotional hangover. I hate the emotional hangover. I hate waking up the next day and thinking about did I do this? Should I have done that? She did and then and then you're fucking get it. You're still trying to put the puzzle together because look, you know, you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. Somebody's mom died. Commit it's like, oh my god, what a fucking. And then you're like, well, fuck that. And it's just that back and forth emotional hangover, just like booze that I don't wanna fucking deal with.

But there's something in my brain that when I'm talking and then somebody else starts talking, I just wanna go, shut the fuck up. You know? And of course. I just, I guess you just, I guess you know? And of course. I just, I guess you just, I guess you just gotta take the hit. You know? Yeah, or say what you mean, but don't say it mean.

Hmm? You gotta be like, hey, it's hurting my feelings that you're talking to this friend of the show. Bobby left. He's finally, God, All my prayers have been answered. Welcome to you know what dude podcast everybody. You're with Joe and Gabby Gabby. No need to say anything. I'll take a look here. No, I'm getting Gabby. How you doing? I'm doing good, Joe. I really am. I'm getting my second shot next week. I'm fucking ready. I'm gonna be a goddamn skank this summer. Oh, no, me too. What day do you get your second shot Monday?

Oh Jesus Wow That is fucking Bobby if you got in a shot yet, dude, I wish I got shot after you Gabby. Hey! The phone of your horse shit. No, I did not get my shot yet. Do you want to hook up? I have a hook up. Whoa, yeah, hook up with Gabby. What the fuck?

You're in a different state, dude. Dude, first of all, if I lips have a touch, I would fucking... I just got a bone chill when you said that. I'm not gonna be on earth. Fucking hair on the fucking... The rim of my ears just fell off when I found them on the... What?

By the way, if you two touched lips, they would like create a superhero. Oh, those lips can mind would make, you know, Captain podcast or something. Oh, well, just that fucking blotchy skin, I would never, it would just be my blotchy skin, your blotchy skin. I don't have you out of your mind,

I've never got a blotchy in my life. This whole courtroom's blotchy skin. I don't have, you're out of your mind. I've never got a blotch in my life. This whole cook is blotch. It's not, I don't even get blotchy when I get nervous. My ears get hot. That's about it. I don't even think they get red. You're blotchy. I can get so blotchy.

Yeah, you get blotchy. You get nervous and neck turns red. So true. Yeah, patchy. Look at that. All right, well, listen, we're going to go to the extra 10 right now. We're going to read the names of the new Patreon members. We're going to talk to Joe about a bunch of shit that's going on around the world and

in the fucking news and some horse shit and whatever. And this is for Patreon only. So if you're watching this, please go to patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly. Become a member. We've got a bunch of tears. Pick one. get on it, and always remember that this is always free. You know what, do go up there on Sunday nights for

everybody, like it has for over 10 years. But Patreon.com.sets.robotcali for the members. We give you a little something extra, a little incentive. The lady bugs are in here. You get to watch the show live and be part of the chat and part of the show every time we do it. So there you go. We got Joe Liss, we got Gabby has a podcast with her roommate. It's called Unabashed, check that out. She has a newsletter, every goddamn fucking month that she just sent me and she got me to because she's she's sent it to you

What's up, bitch? Like she's talking to you. Oh my god. She sent me and it's not me. She sends up to everybody but Yeah, it's it's very interesting if you love reading But check it out and check out you what's your Twitter? Gabby Brian. Gabby is Brian. Gabby is Brian. Gabby is Brian. Gabby is Brian.

Gabby is Brian. And sign up for my newsletter. I swear it's fun. It's just comedic essays once a month. Yeah. Comedics essays. Like in my bio. Comedic essays have always been funny.

Mush, what do you got? You got me, comedic essays. Like George Lopez. Follow me at Mike V. Sures. I'll be this weekend with Yannis Popus at Madison. It's a good garden. Addison, Madison, sorry. Madison Square.

I was like, oh my God, he was the fucking real thing in history of Hain is it wasn't Chris. Yeah, Costco, don't forget about this. Comic wearables. Yeah, make that big baby. Comic wearables right now. Go to that YKWD shirt. Check this fucking shirt out. It comes in white and red.

It's in black. Click on that bitch, man. Make it big, mush. Comic wearable. I can't see it. It's not big. Yeah, there you go. Click it and suck it. Now scroll down. There you go. Comicwearables.com. We have the finest t-shirts. Every t-shirt you get stickers that come with it four by fours of the podcast Conflict Kelly, merch is up there. We got new merch going up very soon. Make sure to code a comic wearables.com, get yourself, rep yourself, a YKW D-shirt. If you see me live,

wear it. I'll give you a nice big hug and a titschest. Let's do it. And we're going to read the names right now. We are in overtime right now. Joey. Yeah. Oh, what is this? Are you going to be Joe? We got. Yeah. Thanks. I'd love to plug my shit. Appreciate it. Hey, I'm going to be at. Oh, I don't know. Oh, oh, oh, fucking Paramount Theater in Austin as part of Moon Tower, a May 15th, May 15th. Please, for the love of God, buy a ticket because I don't think it's gonna, it's big. So please buy a ticket. I think they think that I can sell tickets and I can't, so if you bought one,

maybe that would be something. That's because you bring fucking Louis with you, I would never fucking show you, he opens for you now. You have those. So Louis CK opens, you know every club in the world that, he's bringing Louis, he's bringing Louis and they can now everybody's going to use you for the next six month, expecting that ginger to show up in front of you.

I know it's brutal. I can feel it as I'm like, good night everybody. They're like, wait, what? They're like serious. So, but anyways, yeah, Omaha, I'm at the Omaha funny bone, Des Moines coming up Kansas City and Austin Bay 15th. All right. I'm going to be at hilarities this weekend. Friday and Saturday, one show and night. Then I'm at the McKendry McKendry indoor music theater in McKendry, Illinois,

on the eighth and ninth. I'm at the Lafactory Chicago, and I got a big show on the 10th, on Lombard, Illinois. Lombard show up after-life musical. This place is fucking beautiful. I wanna pack it out. If you're in Chicago, if you're in Illinois, Detroit, anyway, just come down, get tickets

to afterlife musical on the 10th. That is Saturday, the 10th. And then I'm going to be all over the place. I'm going to be in, I just go to Robert County of Lab.com, get some tickets to my show as I'm psyched to be back. And if you come into the show, don't fucking talk, shut your fucking mouth. And if you don't like me, walk the fuck out, be a better person, go fucking watch something on TV. And there you go. That's what we got. Let's read some of those names, shall we? Make them big. All right, here we go. We got who is this? Oh, here we go. Ready? We got KB. Oh, I know KB. Riley, thanks for coming

in. Jared Malette, Bingo, Andrew Hickeykey Dallas Adonis Tate Williams Tate Williams. I was gonna save him for last. Tate Williams. Don't ever correct me mush John St. Amand Sean K Nelson Huh really Jason That's it. We're done. Yeah, that's it. No 10s. No 10s. Mother fucker. There we go. Um, all right, we're done. That's it. I'm love it. We're in the fucking extra time right now. Listen, you guys are the best. Jay, I want to thank Joe. I love you so much. I love you. And this is fun. Yeah,

I appreciate it. I can do this with you. I remember we used to do this every week on Mikey WD. Dead. That was fun. Let's get the studio back cracking. I want to go out. Can we? Yeah, we got to get we got to get Ava. She's going to get vaccinated. So as soon as that happens, I'm going to call them after this. She's eligible. Yeah, I know. She is. We all I'm eligible. I'm fucking figure. Gabby, thanks for coming on and putting up with my stuff. Do you really get sad? Do I get sad? You get mad. Do you get mad or sad?

Mad. Do I get what? About what? When you roast me? Yeah, when I mess with you. Oh, I don't really. It doesn't really affect me that much anymore. Why is that? Because you're a maniac. What does that mean? I'm used to it. I have it's my feelings. Oh, it hurts your feelings. That's cute. I have feelings nice Anyways, Gabby

Gabby check her out. I want to thank everybody that came out to saw me this weekend and me and mush We had a great time in the comedy zone except for that girl and then other lady and the other lady on the other night And that one guy, but the guy called me a fat, he called me a Mexican. What is that? Teresa. Tell me a, no, he called me a fat sausage in Mexican. Oh, that's not true. Teresa? No, he called me fat.

What, what do you call me? What's that? What are you in Teresa? What do you call you? What's that? What are you in for Lisa? What do you call me? You know, it is a play back. Yeah, it's not going to be a churris. So it gets dead. Really, really hurt my feelings.

You know, I've been talking about you, dude. You just thought you had a big dick. No, that's not what he meant. Shut up, Gabby. Hi, Joe is on the phone. We lost him. Sorry, we said goodbye. And I got a couple of emails on a nice text.

You know, what it was like, Louis opening for you again at the paramount. No, it was Ari and his friends saying all good. Oh, I was having a breakdown over here. I was like, oh my god. He hates me. I'm an asshole. I'm a bad person. Really? He said nothing bad. Well, I said they poisoned me on purpose. Yeah, that's funny.

I make you chew. Robert.com for all my dates. Support me. Go there. Buy tickets. Spread the words. Robbercallylive.com. Robbercallylive.com and go to patreon.com slash robbercally right now and become a member. If you're watching us here, you saw this,

and that's because you're a member. Only members get this part of the show. And there you go. I wanna thank all the ladybugs for coming in tomorrow night, call her in Kelly. Tomorrow afternoon, just to FYI, I'm hosting a podcast. I'm gonna put it on my social media tomorrow

with this nut. I'm hosting to put it on my social media tomorrow with this nut. I'm hosting it with Ricky Rocket from Poison, Joey Allen from Morin, and Johnny D from Brittany Fox. It is a 80s rock band podcast with my friend Chad from Vater Drumsticks. I mean, this is, she's my cherry pie. Gabby knows, she wrote one of those songs. So check that out tomorrow and I'll put it out there. We'll talk to you guys later. Mush, what do you got? I'll be like Facebook, it's Gabby, what do you got? Follow me, Akhabi is Brian, sign up for my newsletter. Please. And I'm doing shows in New York and I'll post them on my Instagram and Joe. What do you got?

Joe and Ron on talk movies on YouTube and Mindful Metal Jacket and of course Tuesday's best stories is Max in trouble Very quiet ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa?

¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Friparás! Huelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

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