Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Joe List, Justin Silver | Perfor-Mints

Episode Date: February 13, 2022

This week Joe List and Justin Silver to talk awkward kid conversations, a phone in from Chris Distefano and the steps they need to take in order to make it big! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta de dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la edición especial de Madrid nos lia. Un número de mao, a Madrid. 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno. Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar tu del 3 por uno en medianas a domicidio solo pidiendo al line. ¿Sabes para? 3 por uno, 3 por uno,icidios solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por 1, 3 por 1, ah no no no. ¡Dominos!

Pizzah! Sabemos lo importante que es sentirse acompañado. Por eso en Caisha Bank ahora cuentas con un préstamo para hacer realidad tus ilusiones. Solicitalo desde el móvil 4 a través de tu gestor, informa tencaishabank.es. Caisha Bank, tu y yo, nosotros. Siempre que se mantenga las circunstancias económico-financeras del solicitante en el momento de la solicitud. Informa que hay Chabank.es. Chabank, tu y yo, nosotros. Siempre que se mantenga las terconstancias económico-financeras del solicitante en el momento de la solicitud. The idea podcast. The fact that YKW did podcasts. YKW did back again. Old school, back in the day.

We're all starting before them all. YKW did his podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. Shut up, you ruined this. Work the program, I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done.

Is there any better show? This is the NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original original. What's up, everybody? Check. Live again, Tuesday at the Comedy Cell. It's so funny every time I talk into the camera. It's like you guys have never been on TV. Yes, my name is Robert Kelly.

This is the Noah Dude podcast that is rising, rising. It's like a Phoenix. From the ashes. It's the first one, but it's gonna be the last one too. And all you set of a bitches are done doing this and you're all canceled. Big bad Bob Kelly will sneak up behind you. And when podcasting isn't a thing anymore

and I'll be number one on everything But we're back today. I want to thank you right now Subscribing on YouTube you watching this on YouTube hit the subscribe button hit the reminder button hit the like button Do all those little things that help the channel out? We got a bunch of new Followers last week every week. It's been very consistent. So I thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying the show. Also, make sure you go to patreon.com.sas.

Robert Kelly, because we're going there at the end of the show for the YKW dude. Extra shit that we do over there. We read the names, all the new Patreon. We talk about shit. We ask questions to the, all the Patreon ladybug people ask questions to the guests. And we ask them on the Patreon portion only at patreon.com

slash Robert Kelly. And of course, if you like my hoodie, if you like her fucking, if you like her shirt, if you like all this stuff, wow comicwearables.com is where all the merch is used code word ladybug and you will get all the stuff. All right, that's out of the way, all the stuff's out of the way.

I got a great show today. I'm very excited. Of course, we got sexy. I stuff. All right, that's out of the way. All the stuff's out of the way. I got a great show today. I'm very excited. Of course, we got sexy. I mean, Jesus Christ, the who's the boss of comedy? Justin Silvers here. What? And I like not you. Who's like his 20?

That's not your 20 show. Sorry Joe. And then we got Joe List. Now we got. The truth. Yo, yo, who? Wow. Who's the boss? Who's like Tony Danza? Yeah, you remember that's the boss was like Tony Danza. Yeah, do you remember that?

Oh We got Joe list the truth aka one of the rags. Yeah Sporty today Joe. Yeah, well, I just came from the gym equinox. I have a membership 325 a month no big deal Not sweat and it's how much is it 325? No, it's not whatever. He's a really easy legit Well, I belong to all the equinoxes, bro. And this guy comes in hot and heavy with I hate that gym. I hate those kind of people. No, I agree with them. I go to any shut up.

Anytime fitness. I hate that place. I'm $45 a month. Anywhere in the country. And you know what? It's at any time. More like any level fitness. Boom!

Because you're a low level. Shut up. I'm not low level. You are, that's all right. Fine. I'm trying. I'm trying. I love any time fitness, man. Anytime it's like, it's right down the street

for my house. It's not like a shit hole. I still don't go. No, it's not. It's one of the cleanest gyms I've ever been to. There's no staff. You let yourself in. You get a key. That's what I'm saying. They're not as, I swear to God, I thought it's no staff. You let yourself in, you get a, you get a key.

That's what I'm saying. That's right. They're not as, I swear to God, I thought it's so clean. The guy who runs an Anthony and his wife, they clean it every day. They have a lady, they're all day. Everything is crystal clean. They have this big in the back room, a big TV.

You can go on, it's touch screen. You can do any workout you want with somebody. It's got the weights, it's got every weight you want. It's got the weights. For me, it's good. It might not be good for you because you like to put a fucking chain around you on that with a purple holding on.

Yeah, and a tripod before that, with a camera crow. So I'm gonna see you doing your sit-ups. I have sponsors, Joe. I got fitness companies, but you know what I love, though, when you go to like out in Queens, there's like, they try to theme in these gyms is like retro fitness and they have like and everything they just use like old equipment So like that's their thing. You ever see this thing? Play like that. We do me a favor give that to him. Yeah, what?

You don't try you don't tell us when you get it you get it when we decide we're the common judge That's the actual original one and we it's got Lewis, Jay Gomez, fucking DNA all over that thing. You could give another. My gym rules. Everyone's hot. You can't even believe this, I have the worst body if you can believe that.

I have the worst body in there. You do. I do. Why would I not believe this? Just sexy bodies women. And you talk about employees. There's someone in every time. So when you can't figure out the locker, which I fuck up every time. I do it all the time. They come down. Thank you

They come down there. Are you a member too? No, I go to Chelsea beers, which is cuz you suck. Well like Chelsea queers Yeah, hey Joe the truth Joe Joe Joe, Joe, but I do the thing I forget which lock it is and I keep doing the same thing of I'm over and over and over. I now I take a picture of it Joe. I've been taking a picture. Now you got to take a picture. Take a picture to last longer. You know what I do?

I walk in, there's little shelves. I put my stuff in the shelf, nobody fucks. You're a cubby? I have a cubby. I like the word cubby. I got very excited when I got to say that. Because you're a bear. Well the Equinox comes in a half too.

It's like peloton, it's got work out. So let me know when you guys are ready to get serious. Uh oh, here we go. This is Liz your army YKWD podcast. So please mine your P's and Cues. Jell. What's your list? Jell is this here. Oh, hi, I love Jell is. I guess I'll say hi to Jell is and Justin's here too. Justin Silva. Hi, Liz. Where was Justin last night? He's supposed to have a spot. I know, no, uh, Justin C.O. too. Justin Silva. Hi, Les. Oh, where was Justin last night? You supposed to have a spot with him? I know. No, no, no, no. We switched times and stuff.

Me and Jay. We switched times or two? Me and Jay switched. You switched times with me and like you showed up. No, no, no, no. Jay gave me a date. Then he gave me the wrong date. So I put it in as the former date instead of the other date.

It got confused with, uh, he was switching me from one week to the other. We didn't realize it until afterwards. OK. So we're blaming Jay. Got it. No, no, no, we're not blaming Jay. We're blaming the fact that we're not blaming Jay. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no one was wrong. No, we had a miscommunication. We gave me the original date and the other date, so I had it in as the original date. So I didn't know which date it was.

I didn't know if it was this week or next week. If he says date again, I'm throwing my phone in. But mis implies wrong, somebody was wrong. Yes, yes. Yes. If you want to blame me, it's not going to affect all the spots I get at the cell or so blame me. Oh, whoa.

Whoa. Thank you. Whoa. Hey Liz, you know Mike Mann died, right? He. Whoa. Thank you. Whoa. Hey, Liz, you know, Mike man died, right? He's not. I know. I'm so sad about that. Oh my God. I'm so sad. I guess to wheels spoke to him like he called to wheel. Maybe six weeks ago. What he said, he was in mid he was in midtown and he just called to say hello and I mean it's really sad. He owes me money. He gave me a ring. I think I'm engaged to him. Can I have a ring? No, it's my ring from Crazy Mike. I think it shit. He owes me like seven grand.

He owes no more than that. I feel like Collins gonna save money. Wait, Crazy Mike, Crazy Mike, like move the stuff around that. Oh, she did that. Crazy Mike. Wow. Yeah, Mike, he's gone. He's seven grand. No, I mean, I'm joking. No, but like, yeah.

Was this a view? I, that was a joke. No, joke, joke. Can I take the coffee with you? Hey, it's Jay's fault, but he did the thing and he had a spot, but he was gonna do it. No, that was an honest miscommunication, do you mean Jay? Say, man. I, Liz, where are you? He did the thing and he had a spot, but he always gonna do it. That was an honest miscommunication to me. Same as that.

All right, Liz, where are you? I'm on my way home and I guess I'll see you later and we'll discuss tomorrow later. Okay, are you taking a shower? I'm going to, yeah, I smell that. Can you face Thomas from the shower? Whoa. Oh, yeah, definitely.

There's nothing that I want more than to talk to Joe Liz when I'm in the shower. I'm here today. Joe said, hi, hi, that's Joe. But I'm in the shower. I'm here to. I'm here to. Joe. Hi. Hi. Hi.

I'm fun in the shower. I make everyone comfortable. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I'm a thoughtful lover. Oh. Hurry.

I'm going to vomit now. I'll fuck you. Yeah. That doesn't make you push you in. I don't know what would. Hi. Bye. Do you fucking the shower. No. I got married. I don't know.

We don't fuck fuck. You're fucking the bed. Yeah. Just all bed. No one fucks it. I've been married for 14 years. We don't fuck. Is it like roommate?

She does is get fucking. You said it that like that. She gets fucking, she gets sweats. She gets the sweats and then blotchy. And she's like, I gotta, I gotta go lie down. She just goes walks outside in the winter. I gotta go outside, fucking 50 year old woman.

What's your sex drive now? Because I'm 30 now, I'll be 40 in a few months and my sex drive is plummeted, but still, I'm still a maniac. I still wanna fuck all the time. We still fuck a lot. Down it all, and I'm wishing it would. Why?

Because I feel like it's distraught, and it's certain, listen, you start right when you hit... Look, we're talking to the mic, sorry, right? I'm talking right now. No, in the front of it, not the side of it, right? Bob, I know what it's talking to them. Well, apparently you don't, because it was signed by... Your sex drive, your assides mic.

When it starts as a teenager, like, okay, this is maddening. And then you learn how to manage it through like your thirdies, and you're like, is this gonna go down at any point please? I don't wanna run around the fuck like I was wanted to. Like I don't actually know what to do with it. I've never hated it. And I've hated it right now. Because, listen.

We've heard them a lot. Don't start, don't start luicing me. We're not losing you. No, no, no. The fact is is what you're doing is you're luicing us with this. I wish my sex driver go down to two men who are on the way down. He's saying his is the same.

No, I'm saying mine is down. I'm still sex crazed, but it's gone way down. Like I used to, like I can go days without masturbating or even thinking about, like I go days without even having a hard on. I can still do that, I can go days without masturbating. But if my wife offers me a cheese plate, I'm just as happy. Well, my thing is you might have like a god-sized hole in your heart that you're trying to fill. Like, we have happiness in our lives.

I'm filling that with so many other things. How many brods, can I say brods? How many brods? Oh, oh shit, YouTube. Come on, YouTube. Oh, sorry. Can we bleep? Yeah, bleep.

Say it again. One, two, three. Bleep. Ha ha ha, listen. Now, what. Can we bleep? Yeah, bleep. Say it again. Mon-two-three. Bleep. Ha ha ha, listen. No, what? Let me ask you a question. How many girls you would right now? No, no, no, no.

You know, I'm not like a fuck, I don't fuck around with a bunch of diffusions. I go like one at a time, because I like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Who are you with right now? No one right now. Who are you with just before this? I'm not gonna discuss it.

Why? Because I'm not gonna discuss it. Is? Because I'm not gonna discuss it. Is it somebody I know? Nerd. Absolutely not. Fucking nerd. What kind of podcasting is this? I just don't want to talk about the first person.

I just tell you my wife's in menopause. I just don't want to talk about this. Ah, why do I have to, why do I have to, why do I have to, you feel my life, and you get to fucking be, I will talk to you. And be seated. And stop it and be, I see, be, I see, be,

I will talk to, I just don't want to talk about this specific person. I don't want it really. That's the oil that she is. So she is ugly. No, she was, don't want to talk about this specific person. I don't want it really So she's ugly. No, she was I'm not gonna talk about this specific person fat. I put I will talk it Yeah, she was fat and ugly. Let's talk all about it She was bad. Yeah, that makes me there we go I just got I got horny. Well, you do have that thing where the the longer you're with one woman the things that she's not become like Tattoos. Oh, yeah, it's like yeah, Asian a, if you're in, you're in a long-term relationship.

It's like the, it's like the chubby chick at the bodega turns on just cause she's got something that is just something else. Yeah, you're gonna mix it up. I, what I, I got a, this weird, I got, I got into old ladies. Old. What are we talking?

I had a friend who was like, not, not, not like, let's back that up. Sorry, oh my wife to hear this, my like, let's back that up, sorry. Oh my wife to hear this, my kid, I'm like older than my wife. Like 60s. Which isn't that old to me. You just went Alan for a second.

Okay. Yeah, like, you know what? It's real like, I'm the best kid for you. So accept that, that's what you like. Yeah, I don't want to fucking hands to be sucked in. You know what I mean? I don't know what you want. I got a, but I, yeah, like a, like a nice, like Florida grandma. Really?

You got a short hair that's, yeah, I'm in the amomely, you know that. Oh, you do like my mom. I love your mom. I sent you a picture. She looks very pretty over. Thank you. She's living great. And I sent you a picture.

Your mom's always been smoking, but your mom's not that. Your mom's different. Your mom's like smoking hot forever. His mom's, she's so nice. She loves hearing this. My mom's not been well, so this has been nice. She's beautiful, but I'm talking, you know, regular grandma's. Well, here's for instance, the film, Wolf of Wall Street,

as a film producer, I know a lot about. As a fitness guy, film producer, sex maniac, go ahead. I produced a film producer I know a lot about as a fitness guy film producer sex maniac I produced a film now now you should now we all he in well I wrote it and produced and started it Bobby you were there I casted it also I cast it also anyways so this film that you familiar film Wolf of Wall Street directed by Martin Scorsese okay well there's a character in there. They developed this character. All right. But for real, the, the, the, the, the aunt, the aunt of the Margot Femba. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's so hot and then she like wants to fucking, they fuck you don't see her naked. But that made me like, I wonder, I went to porn. I'm not a big porn guy, as you know.

So I went to some gilth old lady porn, but then you can't find a layer. It looks like that. No, you yeah you find that guilt sheet when that that it is so depressing you're like you had nothing else to do at this age this is the only option what do you mean old lady porn that is depressing well it's not that I don't think it's depressing you're treating them like they're women like they they're human. They're unpawn. Yeah, that's great. That beep. You guys gotta laugh or else I look like a real jerk. Just fake it.

I'm gonna start Gen Zing you and go like, I'm, here's what I'm scared about lately, is that if I don't start, I wanna start banging again, just, I just want, I'm almost to the point because my wife still is turning me on again, seriously, to be honest, like I've been looking at her recently, like we went to the Chiropractic yesterday, and I wanted to fuck, like I was in there

and she was talking to him and she's just going on and on and I'm looking at her hair and I'm looking at the side, he's just yapping about the price and other, and I'm just like, uh, Doc, leave the room, let me get her on one of these chiropractic beds and let me adjust there a little bit. I got really turned on, but then, you know, we were leaving and she said,

you wanna get lunch, you want me to put an era. I mean, like, you can sidetrack my lust, if we're really quickly, whereas before when I was younger, you couldn't sidetrack or would fucking think a pork long man with extra fucking water chest. But let me be even at here's the thing. But if you were in a relationship for as long as, my, if you were in a relationship.

No, my earphones are just going in and out. I'm fucking finished the sentence. If you were in a relationship for as long as you've been in one even at that age, I feel like you're interested in that person, Wayne's. Do you know what I'm saying? Well, yeah, go ahead. Well, I feel like with sex now,

here's a difference in my sex trip. Before I would be like, let's go fuck, let's go fuck, let's have sex right now. And if she was like, we can't. We said it just like that. Yeah. And if she's like, well, not right now, I got a thing, I got to put my whatever, I'd be like,

this fuck fuck, okay, shit, god damn it. All right, and then maybe I'll jerk off. Now I'm like, all right, later, sure. And then I go back to watching a movie. Like similar to the Panera, you wanna fuck, and then you're like, well, we're gonna go to a Panera, you're like, all right, we'll go to a Panera. Yeah, because before you'd be like, fuck,

it has to hurt you for now. Fucking blow me. Yeah, that Fiji-Sao is fucking rocking. I have the mac and cheese, but the cheese goes to it. What do you mean, you understand? Well, you're trying to, I feel like a jerk. You're trying to do a thing, and I'm like, I brought up the mac and cheese. What's he trying to do, he's on that? Well, you're trying to, I feel like a jerk. You're trying to do a thing and I'm like, I brought up the man.

What are you trying to do? He's on that. Well, you're trying to bring up a healthy thing and I poo pooed and brought up an unhealthy thing. And I feel bad. No, you shouldn't feel bad. All right, well, the mac and cheese is unbelievable. It's so fucking creamy.

Sometimes I get two of them. It's because like, hey, now he wants to fuck there. Look at that. I get the bread and I dip the cheese in. Oh, man, I'll get two of them just because of the ever. He didn't really healthy though. Like, you're starting sounds and shit. I remember, I'll get two of them just because of whatever. Did you start eating really healthy though? Like you started eating salads and shit, I remember you were so excited to tell me about it.

I think I tried it occasionally. I mix in a salad, I have a smoothie, I'm fine. You're just naturally a skinny guy, right? Well, I'm a skinny guy, I got a good metabolism, but I'm always running around and jumping around and working out and shit, also. But it's mostly metabolism. Well, I think that I feel now that if we don't start doing it now,

it's gonna be too late. Fucking? Yeah, because 60 is right here. How old are you now, Bobby? I don't wanna fuck when I'm 60. I don't wanna deal with that. Whatever, whatever mess that is. But they got Loub and Pills now.

Yeah, but do they have blindfolds? I mean, yes. Ah! How old are you? 51. Oh, that's not bad. I thought you were like 56. Well, it did you?

No. 60's not right around the corner. It's almost a decade away. Dude, when you have a child, time flies. Dude, the last eight years have gone by in a year. Max is eight. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're right.

I guess when you say, yeah. It just flies by and that's what's freaky me out. When you get a kid time fucking just shoots through the fucking the air, it's just gone. And I'm worried about that. So it's like, you know, she just got a babysitter and she's the baby, she's hot. I was just gonna ask.

That she's kind of cute. On the photo, but who knows? She got a babysitter. So I think she's, she's, she's gonna, you know, we're gonna plan it too. Like you're talking about let's fuck I can't say let's fuck you can't just say you schedule it in you got to because the kids home that's sexy Yeah, let's fuck okay The max is basketball game. Do you want to just go in the parking lot you fucking weirdo? Or you know, what do you want to do?

Let them watch fucking Henry Danger, and we'll just go fucking the bathroom. We have to schedule it, get a babysitter, maybe get a hotel or send him somewhere. Do you still go on dates? Do you do things as you and I were the other time? I love dates with my wife. You do though.

Let me tell you something, the best thing in the world, one of the best feelings I've ever had. Me and we had the kid for so long, we didn't go out anywhere. Oh, I thought you were about to talk about a sandwich. You know, we go, we got a babysitter and we got in the car and she sat in the front seat. Oh boy, because she didn't sit in the front seat for years.

She's in the back and she helped. No, she held my hand. And that was like, oh, we date. Like, this is my check. It's like that's he an raging bull when she first gets in the fucking car and they're in the convertible. It was so, I was like, fuck.

And then of course, we didn't have sex because after sex, she was full. After dinner, she was like, I'm full. I just go back and it's, you know, $25 for an hour for the babysitter. But I think that the next time, the next time the kid goes to Lewis's for the weekend, is that's another thing too.

I'm gone during the weekend when the kid goes and sleeps over. So I don't know. And then I don't like day fucking. What? I don't like, I like nighttime banging. I don't like, I don't like Jesus like coming through the window. You know, name it. I like nighttime more.

Night time, right? Yeah, I do. I don't like it. When there's nothing else to do after, it's like you just like, this is what we're doing. Yeah. And then you like watch a movie. I like all the soft shit too, the cuddly stuff.

Like the relationship stuff, I love it. You guys got that. I like that too. I love it. I love it too, but I don't like to, like when the kid goes to school, what are we gonna do? We're gonna go into bed and have sex I guess, right?

Yeah, why not? I don't know. No, because you're also too amped up with all the other shit you got going on in the day. It's like you're still in like, high-drive mode. But sex is like 15 minutes. Not for Bobby. What the fuck, you thought he's a dumb?

I was gonna give you a compliment, so you'd be like, oh, fuck long. Why do you have to assume the negative? But fuck 15 minutes. I don't know if you meant my friends. 15 minutes is long though. People, I think people have a wrong idea of time. Like, Sarah will be like, I don't think we have time.

And I'm like, the longest we've ever fucked ever is like 20 minutes. I think you're right about that. All in, it's like, the average section's like six to eight minutes. No, the average is like four, I think. It was on that, it was on that fuck. It was the explained, they did a whole series on sex, like sex, monogamy, all these things.

Think like the average sex is like four minutes. I think you're right. I think that TV or movies have made sex this long, drawn out thing. You're like podcast. And it also depends where you are in a relationship with someone in the beginning. You do like the four-play carries as you're like,

this is an event. You know what I mean? And then it gets like, I still like it. It's scheduled. We have to say, tomorrow, if I want to have sex with my wife, I would have to say, right when you drop masks off, I'm gonna shower, you shave your legs, and then my hamstrings will hurt,

and we'll get on the side, and then I'll be like, I just lie there, and then I'll lie we'll meet and then my hamstrings will hurt and show we'll get on the side and then you know I'll be like I just lie there and then I'll lie on like a dog and and then and I got to close my eyes and think of five dudes that I want a bang and Am I one of them? Yes? Oh, no really, oh, that thing this is depressing. Joe. I want to fuck you. Thanks buddy. You're welcome I'm gonna you know, I'll be down, but it's it's you know, I'm scared of you. Thanks, buddy. You're welcome. I'm gonna, you know, I'll be down. I'm gonna be a good boy. But it's, it's, you know, I'm scared of sex. I'll admit it.

I'm scared. I'm scared of it because, all right, you know when you get in a fight with somebody and you're supposed to call them and talk it out and the longer you don't talk it out, the heavier it gets towards this bet. It's easier just to not deal with it. I'll call them and you-

A boy didn't, a boy didn't. And you know, talk to them for like, you know, a couple like six years, that's what happened with six. I haven't had sex in six years. No, how long has it been really? Six years. No. Shut up.

Come on. It's been nine years. How long has it been? 69. It's, I dunno, a couple of few months. A few months? Yeah. Oh geez.

We got a kid. We got a kid. And we don't, we don. And we don't get babies. How often do you get off, can I ask you? Fucking the fuck in front of them. I masturbate. I don't masturbate as much anymore. Do you know why?

Because we're old. I just don't like it. You know what, maybe I don't either. Maybe my sex drive, my sex drive must be going down. I think I'm realizing it now. And I'm like, you know what it is? Yeah. Because you go. The sex drive is the sex drive must be going down. I think I'm realizing it now and I'm like, you know what it, yeah. I get it with sex drives, it's a factor in masturbation.

I mean, when I'm, when Sarah, I have a fuck, we fuck a lot, we fuck four times a week and I love it and I get excited and I'm still do. Yeah, nice. But on the road, when I mean my sex drive, on the road, I will go Thursday, Friday, Saturday without jerking off because I'm not like, oh my God,

I'm just, when she's not around, when women aren't around, when sex isn't on my mind, I just live my life, right? You're not out seeking. Your seeker is not there. But that's also because you know you have this state, you have your wife, you know what I mean? Well, I get laid a lot, so when I'm away,

I mean, looking like this, of course. Well, where are my sweats? I came from eco-knocks. I look better than people think. If I go on the road and I masturbate the first night, I'm sad. Feel this because I have nothing left. Fucking Joe, man. Come here. Yeah. Take your shirt off, Joe. Please get some bicep.

That's not bad, bro. Wow. Yeah. And I've been doing the base. It's so low that I thought it was. I thought you'd do it in mixed with our larts. I play tennis. I run, you put, wait, you do mix martial arts for years now. I play ten people act like I'm some fucking douche I don't thank you. I know you're a powerhouse on all that shitty clothes I post a video of me throwing a football 50 yards and I catch it myself I'm trying to let people know I say the hidden fucking athleticism of this guy Shit you're a gazelle Lewis Gomez. We played football once I threw the ball to me

He's like what the fuck, easy. You're fucking like, what the fuck, something people do and share together? No, people think, oh, you got some Lewis issues. Oh, we said Lewis issues. Second Lewis. That's the second Lewis issue. We got some resentment.

No, I didn't have the first one. We got to unpack these. No. Let's unpack it. Let's have this sex. What are we podcasting about for you? I want to get back to the sex life. We'll get back to that. Let's talk about this Lewis issue. I don't have a Lewis issue. Yeah, we podcast. We're here for you. I wanna get back to the sex life. We'll get back to that.

Let's talk about this Lewis issue. I don't have a Lewis issue. Yeah, you do. First of all, everybody's- I love Lewis and accept Lewis for the way Lewis is. What is that way? He's kind of like a sociopath. Whoa!

That's about himself all the time. 30's of loving, he's a fucking loving person underneath and I love him and known him forever. So it's like, I love and accept who he is. But it's like, he comes with a lot of shit, but I fucking, I would do anything for Lewis. This is how I talk when someone brings up my mother. I'm like, she's great.

Yeah, we have a good relationship. I mean, I don't know why she doesn't fucking call me, but, you know, there's something there. Have the same shit with Lewis, that you have with Lewis. Joe is the wheel of the same thing with Lewis. I love Lewis. I love him too.

Yeah, I have nothing. I love Lewis. He's one of my best people now. I've had one of this. Oh, yeah, you guys have the kid thing We do it's weird having a this relationship with Lewis now like I go over his house today and we hang out and talk shit and It's we just it's it's cool though. We're like men now nice lips. Yeah, he has great lips. Good looking very handsome looks good I think he's bought it's he in your top five top five. No, my friends What having sex with just just five guys he wants the fuck I asked of Louis who's in it. Oh, I mean we know you know

Yeah, it's not just that gross mustache. It is that turns me off plus he's like classic bald Bobby, I know but you know, he's he's I'm you're male pattern bald. Yeah, two pool balls it. Wait, you're not I'm not you just I Full hair like you you a full hair like me. Yeah, I just shave Get light of you. I love you so much buddy. You're so gullible. You have full hair. I like me. No look at me What part what part of what answer? I don't did like I was convinced by this. You think I would go for this look No, I love Lewis. He's he's love Lewis. We have a cool relationship now because of our kids. Our kids are such good friends.

That's awesome. Yeah, I mean Max is gonna bang James someday and be top. But yeah, great, great. Yeah, but he's banging, man. You guys are all that, I remember being at that age in my 30s, where sex was so important now, it's not. It's just not.

And I'm scared because I don't want to miss out. I know that, the sad part is, I'll never be with like a 20 year old again. I'll never see like under 30 vagina in my life. I'll never do anything with 30 vagina in my life. I'll never do anything with it. Maybe Max's girlfriend, you might see. But you're not gonna see other,

I don't know, because married at the wedding. Oh, you see your pussy. I mean, that's she took it too far. That's how it works. That's not what the bride's family pays and the husband's family sees the pussy of the bride. I mean, this is, I always have sex at the family weddings, but my dad looked at my wife's pussy at our wedding. You there. Wait, you're watching it. You said I did see me now

See I thought I didn't see that I didn't see that though Yeah, I'm I mean, that's a that's a reality There's gonna be a time where you're never going to see a young vagina again sure And that's a sad thing as a man, to go like to remember all the girls, the young beautiful girls. I mean, I love my wife. And she's very pretty, and she's got a beautiful vagina,

but it's not a 25 year old vagina. Oh, plus the skin on those youngsters. Oh, tight, soft, soft. God, you sound creepy, yeah. You know what I mean? I'm saying like, yeah, like soft. God, you sound creepy, chill. You know what I mean? I'm saying, like, y'all. And there's gonna be a, I mean, look, there's gonna be a time, you're never gonna see

juicy boobs again, you know what I mean? I'm never gonna, like, you know, those days are gone. It's weird to me, it's sad. Cause like, when I had, when I was fooling around, I took it off of granted, you know what I mean? I was never fooling around, I took it off of granted. You know what I mean? I was never fooling around, that's the thing. Yeah, I did.

Yeah. And you are now. Yeah, but so beyond. Like, we talk about it every time I come in here, like next, I want, like the long term thing, that's yes. You want me what we have. Yeah, of course. So why don't you get it?

I'll sell you Sarah for eight hundred bucks. I listen. Right up cash. No, I don't go for I'll buy her for a thousand thousand, but I get to There is cute. Yeah, I buy her for a thousand. All right great sold. Thanks done sold in I'm talking down a new one. I've then mo him a thousand bucks and put in the notes for Sarah's plus whoa Not family. They're fucking they're it's like her editing skills and shit. Oh, her intro. Yeah, like subtitle, all that stuff.

Oh yeah, I'm sorry, yeah. Yeah, dude, what were you gonna say? You don't, you want that? Yeah, I will. I will soon. You won't. You will want it or you will. How old are you?

I'm my fouries. Wow. You're so Hollywood, why were you so, I was just gonna be- We're new, you're a comedian. Everyone knows how old I tell us? Because I'm saying you're a comedian. Everyone knows how old I am. I'm 45. I don't. It's you dude, you're on the, you're knock knock knock

and on heaven's door. Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah. Knock knock knock and on heaven's door. There's no way I could get up like that. Knock knock knock and on. Disgusting. Let me try it again. No way could get up with that I bet disgusting Let me try it again We can't see this come on Let's take this off your Awful

Awful Um Awful You're right there I know So 50 You're not having kids May

To 50 You might, I mean you're in shape Have you gotten your giz-jit? It's good It's fine No, you're lying It's weird to go No gizz checked? It's good. It's fine. No, you're lying. I swear to God.

No, it's just last time. I just went to the dog. I just got full blood-wurping. Everything's fine. I don't like this thing you're doing. You're trying to sex me. No, I'm saying it's fine. Stop with the voice, man.

It's fine. Wait, so. Is that good, young? You know what I'm saying? You're 40. I mean, dude, when I was late, when I was in my late 30, I was like, fuck, I'm not having a kid, it's done.

And then at 42, oh. Can I be honest with you? Please. The way the, I'm dead serious, and I'll try to forget. The way the world is right now and all the shit, I'm like, dude, this is like, would I want to bring a fucking kid into this world?

What if your kid cures it all? Yeah, my kid's not gonna do that. Bobby Silver, you know. How do you know? I don't think my kid's saving the world from... Why not? Okay, you're right. Is this what you tell Max?

You're gonna save the world. Now, I'll tell him just to fucking... It's if... I don't know if I want to bring a kid in this world. I don't know if I would. Let's do it, Peter. Do you want to? Yeah, pass.

Hard pass. What's wrong with the world? What's wrong with the world? What's wrong with the world? I mean, it's just scary time, buddy. That is, we've been going through the same shit, just circular shit all, for fucking thousands of years, it's the same shit. Same shit, it's gonna get better. We're all gonna be happy, and then it's gonna suck again.

Maybe I'm just a fine. Yeah, you might be just a fan. Maybe. This world is not, I mean, New York sucks, but the world sucks. New York sucks. New York sucks. Buscás contenido gratis. I wanna be seen. Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con más de 120 canales, dedicados a películas,

series, gremene, realities y contenido infantil. Pluto TV. Ven a verlo, sin pagar nunca! but I love it. I fucking love having max. And I can't believe I was part of it. You know, I can't believe it. And yeah, it sucks because I sacrificed, it's all for him now. Everything's for him.

My whole thing, everything I do is for him. Everything I do, I love you. I can't play, I'm gonna get sued for all this. What do you mean? No, I'm just singing it. No, we're satirizing. I'm kidding satirizing I'm singing it better. I was kidding. I was Spongebob. Oh no, it's Ryan Adams. Oh, yeah Ryan now, do it Ryan. I was singing it forever for like I do it for you Terrible these five words. I swear to you Brian, I was singing it forever for like a, I do it for you. Ooh, oh, terrible. These five words I swear to you,

when I breathe I'm gonna be there for you. I'll be there for you. I'll give it an eye for it. That, this one I'm nailing. Gabby Lee? This is all getting taken down to you. Why? The algorithms man.

The algorithm. Dude, the fucking algorithm man. That's why I don't know. Well, you don't wanna bring your kid into. Yeah, because, the algorithms man. The algorithm. Dude, the fucking algorithms man. That's why, well, you don't want to bring your kid into it. Because the algorithms. I'm doing content now. I'm content, guys. What the fuck does that mean? Because I never did the content.

I'm always posting photos of the mountains and the sunset and the asshole. But now you're like, I'm going real. So I'm going YouTube. I gotta really make it now. You're like a fitness guy with a body now. Yeah. I gotta do all that shit.

I gotta be a reals guy. Why? Because I gotta sell tickets. I'm out here going like this. guy with a body now. Yeah, I gotta do all that shit. I gotta be a reals guy. Wow, I gotta be content. Cause I gotta sell tickets. I'm out here going like this. Right, you know what I'm saying? There's only 70 people here. What the fuck? This guy's got that and this.

And those guys are posting the reels and the fucking, oh, what'd you say? Bahoo, bahoo, bahoo. So I gotta start doing that shit. So you're gonna post clips of you going nice shirt. Would you get the shirt? No, not that stuff. What are you from?

Really? What town? No, I don't think of that. What do you do? Zing shirt? No, not that stuff. Where you from? Really? What town? No, I don't care for that. What do you do? Zing, zing, zing, zing. I got the rest of the fuck down. We had a good... You post your jokes. Some jokes?

Yeah. Is that what you were doing? No, there's a bunch of comments. It's just fucking... The fluff. Well, it's just, what you from? What'd you say? Shut up, so I post it. Well, that's what I'm saying. You post that shit once in a while when something really good happens. Yeah, I give them out now

It's the thing to do because people are so click baity. They see somebody doing other than jokes because it's so saturated with everybody Stand up because every fucking comic on the planet earth post clips of them doing stand up Even if there's four people in the audience and it's in a club in the fucking outskirts of Buffalo, somehow that comes up on everybody's feed. But here's the, I was that guy too, but it works. That's the, that's the game we're playing now. That's the system. You gotta give them content and it's gotta be algorithmic horseshit and I don't like it, but if you don't play it, what'd you talk to? You're out. Samarral, who'd you talk to?

No, I'm watching everybody, they're doing the beacon like it's Caroline's. Fucking everybody's doing the beacon. I know. Everybody's doing the beacon. I'm like, well, maybe I should try to post some of the questions. Do she stay here?

Everybody's at the beacon. I fucking, Rick Krom just had lined the beacon. No. Ah. Just a bit, it's like a bringer show over there. What did I just see him? Rick Crom just had lined the beacon It's like a bringer show over there. What did I just see him beacons a big Chrissy D just sold it? Christine He's gonna sold out the beacon who Sam morale Tim Dylan has like he's doing a he owns the beef lives there Yeah, Tim Dylan. Oh, yeah, he's doing like six straight months every night. What do you call that when they do that?

More shit I couldn't do. They are. Regenci. Regenci. Regenci. Algorizos. So out of the business, I don't know. So that's the thing is like we can sit here, you and I can go have a cigar and go out they assholes.

They're doing this crowd work, horse shit. And then we go to our weekend gigs. And there's nice numbers. It's nice as much people that are too sure. There's like six of them and it's touching. And then they hand us the check and you're like, I think you're missing a digit here. And it's because we're not doing the thing. So after a while, you have to go, I hate it,

but I gotta do it because that's the system we're living in. Of course. This is why I don't wanna bring a kid into the world. It's the same. It's like, hey, where you from? How you doing? You see what I'm saying, Bobby? He just called our fan base touching.

There it is. I'm at a point where it's really sweet. My fans are sweet. You're like, they come over and they go, hey, Joe, and they go, hey, Phil, nice to see you. And then I'm walking around with Sam. And like this woman has shown him his tits and like they're signing autographs.

I've taken so many photos of people that started nine years after me. They're like, would you grab a photo of me and this guy? Oh, that's true. Because he posts the clips. That's human. You need the clips. Clips of what? You're fucking of riffs, some bits, some late nights,

the podcast, whatever. But that's what you post. When I see your shit, that's what here, Sarah, what does she do? She posts in shit for six minutes. She posts, she talks. But doesn't Chris have a team? Yes.

He's got a team. He's paying for that. Yeah, you need a team. So ask uh, uh, uh, he's got a team. He's got a team. He's paying for that. Yeah, you need a team. So, uh, so ask him how much to pay and just pay that and get a team. I'll get a team. So I don't have as much money as him. He's doing the big. You don't need to get your direct.

You're a director and producer. That's true. Suarez does my clips. It's not that expensive. Where is Suarez? Where's Gabby with Suarez? Gabby's not here anymore. Ooh.

Nicole is the new producer of the show. What do you mean? I meant, are you not gonna talk to him for six years? It's not one of those, right? I love her. Who might not talk to him for six years? You have a little... No, I love Gabby.

Gabby just moved on. She's acting, she's writing, she's throwing all kinds of shit. She want a fucking Emmy for God's X. Wow. Yeah, it's not one of those daytime movies. Yeah, it's like a bullshit. Yeah, it's like whatever. But yeah, no shabby and then

Shwaras is back in San Antonio right now. Yes, he's getting surgery on his neck. The poor little fucking Yeah, he's got something. Remember the thing with this dog on the eye. Yeah. Yeah, it's on his neck Jumped You know, he's he's getting no, he's feel be fine, but he's home. He's probably I think he's with his mom too, you know, all that shit. And now we got Joe, Joe Russell, jokes Russell. And, and then, That's great, Joe, because team's great. The call is the motherfucker. I see, yeah.

Yeah. Cool, I was just, I was a bit I was doing. That's all right. So what do we have to do, Joe? What do we have to do? You gotta, you gotta put up reels and clips under a minute. And then TikTok, I have to go do that. I gotta pay someone, because TikTok, I can't open it.

It makes me sick. It makes me so anxious. I get so mad. Yeah, you need TikTok. I hate it. You don't have to, but I think. I have to. It's pointless not.

You just gotta get someone, because I don't want the app. I don't want to deal with social media. I hate the comments. I hate the business. So let's get this company. Who's the company? Who's the company? Who's the company?

There's so many. It's just an individual. Well, you get some it's easy to figure out So I get people message and go I'll do it. Let me do it. Let's war is do it. He's great at we crawl Christie and tell ask him how to make it. Yeah, he'll use his homeless pimp. I almost pimp is great Like I said, swar is this great clips. There's so many people that do it. That's what you got to do You need the clips the content. Well now they're paying now they're paying Instagram's paying for it exactly You. You know what I'm saying? I got a buddy. He's making $500 a month and he's like, yeah, I made a bunch of cars. I made a bunch of cash. Let's see if he answers. See you probably want to answer. No, he's at the fucking beacon right now. He's at the beacon making sure they have

Chris, you're on my podcast, YKWD with Joe List and Russ and sorry, Justin Silver. What's up, baby? Oh my god. I love it. Hello. We need, we need you, we need you to tell us how to make it. How to make it without Joe telling me we got to do real look at all the clip. Look at all his clips. We got to do all kinds of stuff. What colonoscopy? We want to know about first of all, congratulations on selling out the beacon. That's a beautiful. Oh, Very beautiful beautiful thing you did so You're doing whoop do whoop do whoop do whoop. That's a big thing Joe. Yeah, it's great fantastic. It's

Hot and so show called Jack. Look at me and Joe. We discussed it. Our fans are what are they? What do we call our fans? It's touch sweet. We have touching fans. They're very nice. They show up with the t-shirt all 30 of them. We want to Yeah, what do we do tell us? I think what you need to do is do what I did you need to find a Video guy that has autism. We just want to sit downstairs in a basement and bash his head off of wall and make edits That's what I did. Okay. Yeah, so we gotta get a special you need someone on your staff with special needs That's like a rain mat. That's homeless Pam. Seeore is swore is like is is is not that type of special needs oh this is too hungry literally now Chris what about this trans fellow you got there? Translady. Yeah.

That helps. Who's that? That's your cousin? Wait, oh the train. That's um, no, that's Jasmine. That's my girlfriend's Godfather. Oh, okay, because that seems like that helps. And you got Tim Dill.

It's him Dill, that's helpful. That's big. Yeah, Tim Dill is big. Yeah, Tim Dill is big. It's you, it's you, Jazz, what's it? Jasmine, is that her name? Jasmine, yeah. Jasmine, Tim Dill and you. It's all, it? Is that her name? Jasmine, yeah. Jasmine, Tim Dylan and you.

It's all three levels of queer. Yeah, yeah, exactly me being the gayest. Yeah, there you go. I have more picture, I have more sexting between me and Chris than any woman I've ever known. Oh, I got a lot of photos of Chris's dick. Do you know that Joe used to send me a picture of your dick and say it was his dick?

Yeah, it was a nice shot Chris has got a big dick. It's got a nice cut. Chris, what do you think? What is your biggest flaw? Because I look at you. You're the handsomeest guy. You got a nice cut. You can play hoop. Yeah, you're hilarious You're like the funniest guy. I know legitimately what's bowed to Paulo, I guess what then what's About the Apollo I guess. What? But then what's wrong with you? What's wrong? What's wrong with me?

Yeah. What's wrong with me? Well, you know, I mean like the same things as everybody, you know, depression, anxiety, I mean, you know, stuff like that. I mean, what's wrong with you? Oh, I am. I, I, I, all these things that you say about me Which I appreciate I don't see them. So I've body this more for you. I don't think I'm anything

We're career cripple, you know horrible depression. They're gonna lose their still 100% wow dude that that that takes such a weight off my shoulders. Yeah, I think I'm a hack all that stuff That I mean that one's true, but listen, the other stuff, you're really, I mean, you're a good looking guy. Well, let's do it. I mean, you have to, oh, now I have that body, like, you know, because I got two little kids,

I moved out to the suburbs a little bit, I guess that like, I have like, disgusting, like, like my tips, like, you're melting. Now, I'm really gonna start to fall apart. You send me a picture of them? It'd be nice to see. That's so funny that I should have all that stuff and I don't. I'm telling you man you gotta go autistic that's the key. I gotta go

out to. We gotta find an autistic. Let's do a contest. I'm gonna find an autistic video ographer, a video editor guy right? Let's do a contest. Find an autistic video on finding find out. Here's what you do. Here's what you do. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. get the video guy with autism and then I fucking just stop doing my KWD. Yeah, just stop doing it. Okay. Stop and I'll come back. I'm some restart history. I need is me and you gotta come back.

Really? Yeah, why the hell not? Fuck it. Yeah, do it. That would be happy. You guys. You guys did that. Chris, I love that you feel like such a loop. Jerry sitting down with more. He said it would explode. Oh my god. That's fantastic. I love that he feels like such a loo. Jerry sitting down with moreisa and be it with explode. Oh my God. Fantastic. I love that he feels like such a loser and a failure.

Yeah. He's like, oh yeah, it's not better over there. You still feel like. No, no, it's not where you go there. You're just in Justin. Yes, he does. He's saying he feels like that, but he also, he's fucking, he's killing it and making a lot of money.

100% Yeah, he feels fantastic inside too. It's not. I'm not a mazerotti. But believe me, when he looks at his bank account, 100% yeah, he feels fantastic inside too Believe me when he looks at his bank account is like thank you God That's that check from the beacon, aren't you why don't you have fucking Justin Opafi at the whoopafi at I asked you Chris Oh, did you ask me no? Oh, no it was Boston. Yeah, I could do it back to you. Hey, no, no It wasn't the big it was Boston it had blow us off. You're doing great. Whatever you do Way from us. I had surgery cone and James Mad Dog man are open to me. Oh, yeah, I know They come with me all on the road a lot. Oh, that's good for you. All right. Good for you. I don't care Available the weekend after that. I mean, dude. I'm doing my special at New York comedy club like I'm a fuck you know

Why why didn't you do it at the beacon? Why when you just tape it as the nicest theater in New York. I saw I saw any better where you played the night before. I know when in my in the green room they still had they still had to sheet up for it from his show that even bother putting my sheet up. It was still all the Eddie Vedder set times. Do you know how fucked up of me and my call to wet there? And I left halfway through because I couldn't fit in the seat me and Mike. I'm too fat to see a concert.

You couldn't fit. Yeah, but you look good, Fred. I don't want to see you, Skinny. Dude, you're out of your mind. I gotta get back one more time. We'll do it in great shape. You can come back one more, okay? I'm gonna come back one more, not fully, but one more.

And then I'm gonna get an autistic guy, a trans person. Trans person. And there you go, and I'm good to go. All right, good, dude. Is it some else? I want to come into the studio. I haven't been in your studio since before the pandemic. Oh, listen, you come in whenever you want, all right? All right, Bubbles. All right, I'll have Nicole reach out to you and then you can

blow her off, all right? What about Gabby? There is no Gabby just Nicole. Nicky, new Nikki, new Nikki, the Gabby's gone. Yeah, new Nikki's here now. So I'll'll tell it again, touch you, you can blow her off. All right, I'm sorry I wasn't funny or an idea. I just, I'm gonna ask. Oh my god, I love it. It's just fucking these out. I love it.

You were fantastic. I love it. Very helpful. How funny would it be if we did this? And it did blow us up and we were fucking huge. Oh, good. I fucking, yeah. It'd be amazing.

I would feel happy about it. I would listen to it as I'm swinging some rope from my children's ceiling. That's fine. That's fine, I'll talk to you later, Michael. All right, later. He's the best. That's fine.

But here's the thing that the thing is. So you go on the road, right? This is what helped me, Sam helped me with. I got you go on the road, I go on the road, you murder, and a lot of it's riffing and whatever, because you want to save the material for the special. So when the old, you and I are old school. We started in fucking 1987, we're old souls.

So my thing has always been, I go on the road and kill, you come see me, I put on a show and then you leave. But you're leaving value. Because if you get those, some footage of it, some clips of you riffing, whatever, you post it, people go, oh shit, I want to say that. But you get the check there that you made there. You make those people happy and you take a little something from there. I try to tape all the time on the road because it's all those little moments, those little

moments in clubs, those things that happen like that aren't planned, there's sometimes the funniest things that happen. There's no denying it just happened to happen in that moment. You're reacting from that person. It's like, did you get a surgery that keeps your bottom lip wet all the time? Is it wet? Oh, it's just so moist looking. I'm sorry. Go ahead. I've kissed you four times. I'm not sure. Relax. Relax. No more kissing. But like some of those, there's like little bits of gold there and there's no one's ever going to see those little moments again. So it's kind of cool. Yeah, you show up and people go, hey, I got a good show.

I have Joe is an editor, but he fucking, him and his dumb wife, gender, him and his dumb wife have this cheese show that takes up 70% of his time. I would travel with this idiot, take him everywhere with me and make him my opener if he would film an edit shit and make me and him famous More me and and but he doesn't want to fucking do it He wants to go home and have cheese and fucking do stuff together and give six rats. I don't know. Yeah, cheese things, but go it You he's autistic good. Get on the mic. Yeah, you're definitely artistic Joe You're fucking nuts. Why don't you be my guy are you on the specs

Joe why don't you be my guy out we'll take six months you come with me okay video tape the everything okay make Videos all the time. Yeah, I'll pay you money to open for me. I'll pay you very hard. Yeah, I'll pay you I have to in a studio with the four the people I rip one early and it picked up on the mic But no one noticed and you'll be my guy will you be my guy? Yeah, let's do it really yeah Fucking I gotta guy I got an autistic fucking guy now we gotta find a chance Jen I got one now we gotta get a change. I got one. I can hang on you call Chris tell you got one I got one fun. This is gonna be great I can pull this off, right? Yeah.

Oh, this would be great. Visit Bailey J. She's got, we're gonna get a transgender now. Hang on. Oh. What are we doing? Taylor, it's exciting. It's very exciting.

Wow. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Please God, make this happen. God, please let me come. Come on. I make this happen. God Please let me come on Joe pray to God come on don't really make it up call me Pick up God God answer the phones pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up pick Who was it Jamie bride? No, Jamie rising comedian Yeah, I can't have her be my Transgender by transgender can I you try? I don't know it's funny then you'd have this way you'd have over everybody else. I don't know of course

She could open for me you'd have a you'd have a funny transgender. Well, I have funny autistic I have two people on the show the autistic guys on the show the she's hilarious transgender. I have her on the show. There you go. We traveled together, we become famous. Right. But no, but she'll become more famous than me. It's transgender writers, it's trans person. How do you trans person? Transgendered person. I don't know. That's a lot of stuff. I think it's trans person. I wish trans gender might be bad. I'm going to be shying in the palm of our hands. I would tell us. I think it's trans person. Maybe it is. Should I, yeah.

Well, I got the, I got my autistic guy. Yeah, that's in the, but you got to film it. You got a film stuff. Are you okay with that? Yeah, and you'll edit. Yeah, all right. I mean, Joe, why don't you tape on the road? You just, that's what I'm doing.

I'm starting to do. That's what I'm starting to do. You're going to do, just go on Facebook for like filming TV in that city. Hey, does it get a guy? You got a guy and I had one recently. I didn't video, but the audio was so good, so hot and fun. And they had a guy animated and then you send those to serials. How many people hit it? I haven't posted it. I haven't put it up yet. So do you have a video guy with autism? No, but I have a video guy for our podcast kind that he helps a little bit,

but he's not coming on the road with me, but some of these people have places, have locals. So you have to take the guy with you, though? No, you have local people that will message you. Yeah, all the time. Look, hey, you're coming to Tampa, I have a camera, I'll shove it up your ass. You just put a swipe up.

I mean, no, I'm swipe up just now, it's the eight. Film a TV, guys, anybody want to shoot, give you three tickets. Look, get a resume, get some recommendations, or you talk to Sam and Mark because they have them in every fucking town now All right, that's the game now. They have guys in every town. Yeah, I'm telling you. I'm using their guy in Rhode Island This week. Who's the guy? Yeah, that's our guy. That's our pop. Yeah, who's that guy? Yeah, Chuck? Chuck. Yeah, he's our producer Is he good? We let me get a there. Very good. There we go. See, is he our...

Well, how come fuck the Chuck has to hit me up when I go there? He works for Kevin Smith. He works for Kevin Smith. He's Kevin Smith's guy and two stories of a guy. Right, I'm excited. He's good. I'm excited. Yeah, he's funny.

He's got a big laugh. Wasn't there a third thing I needed? A transgender. Yeah. Autistic. There was something else. What's the third thing? What's the third thing?

Shit. Oh, the Hian honest, the history of Hyena. Oh, something that failed. Quit my point. Something failed, like, I don't know. Everything you've done. Whoa! Whoa! I didn't think that was out of the car.

Who's too far? Too far. It hurt. You've done things that have been successful, like my film that I wrote and produced and directed. Oh, no, you can't. Shadow directed. Shadow directed.

Yeah, that guy behind the directed. What is that? I'm in a guy. You go. Do you maybe so self-conscious about the lip things? I have not stopped licking them now. Oh, they're really smoking. Why are you smoking? I'm vague, but you know what?

I'm quitting. Let me tell you something. Because in Rhode Island, they don't have these. I'm quitting in Rhode Island, because I know there's four days I can't have them, put in the patch on. It's like 15 minutes every border. Yeah, I'm not saying. I'm just not going to do it. It's like 15 minutes every border. Yeah, I'm I'm just not gonna do it It's yeah, it's the fact that it's a deli so for I'm gonna quit watch

I made a plan for two months already. I'm like I know I'm doing in Rhode Island right? I have to I have to benchmark and like plan certain things I'm gonna change in my life. You know what we should do is just make fake clips in the podcast like right now All right, what do you want? I'll just do with it. I'll say that you guys just lose it all right? All right What what are you gonna say? Let's do like an argument. And say like, when her asshole fell out of her purse and then you guys go, oh, I'm gonna say something. All right, one, two, three, go.

I swear to God, I'm on the rollercoaster. As I'm going down, her asshole falls out of her purse. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh Subscribe oh my god You're the best show And you're so fit go to patreon.com Is all the time here I love sitting there with a jar of milk and a brown my head. I woke up I only had one sock on and I slipped on my head. I went on my waist walk with my dog and I slipped in his shit like that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What's it called? I was, now I have the language dogs now. Oh shit. Language dogs. A language of dogs. Yeah, I'm doing that.

Anyways. That was fun. I think that was the clip. Do you really think it's something? Do you really think, let me ask you a question. Do you really think it's something as easy as that where you just follow what this person did? And then if you do that, it will happen.

Or do you think you have to create, do you think you have to create your own thing? Well, you have to do, you have to be talented and good, but the system, the old system was whatever, get on HBO, get an HBO special. But now it's you have it on the internet and it's gonna be viral. It's sure, everybody's got a certain level, you have to have a certain level of talent to be

at the fucking poker table with a hand. And then it's laws of averages and randomness, but the hand that you have to be holding is like, people are looking at this. This is, what makes me nuts is when you have like, when people are like comedians of Instagram, comedians, and they're not stand-ups, they just do like stupid little one minute things

in their house that don't really have that funny. But then they'll sell clubs out. That's where you're just like, that gets annoying. But when it's like a talented comic, I watch all my friends' bits, I watch your shit at once, I watch all my buddies' bits, and I'm like, these are legit funny bits, and it's cool that it's like, it's a bite-sized minute.

I think that's gonna be cool. I think that's gonna be my stuff. I just pointed at you, and I said, I like your bits. But I also pointed at you. It is important to say these guys are all very talented. Yeah, they're just showing, that's the way to show the talent. But Sam, yeah, this, you know, the only one that really likes everything that I do is Mark

Noman. Well, that's his thing. What do you mean? He likes everybody. He's a climber. Is that what you're saying? I'm gonna say he's a climber. He likes everybody's pose.

He's done that for years. Why do you go through and likes the whole fit? Why? Does he watch it like that? I can't get in the side of that. Is that a thing? Does he watch it? Or just go like, like, like side of that. Is that a thing? Does he watch it? Or just go like, like, like, like, like, like.

He stands through and hit like. So he doesn't even look at it. But it notifies everyone of him. Everybody's getting notified about it. He's going like this. He's like, hey, I'm applauding for my time. So is that a thing? I'm asking, should I do that too?

I don't think that's just his thing. I don't know. I don't think that's how you're back. Should I become autistic? Dude, so're so innocent. Should I do that too? No, that's just like, I think that's just a whatever. The posting is the thing.

He's doing that, he just gives his friend a little fucking name. You're here, I'm here. It would make me laugh so hard if we did do this little thing and it would just blew up. And in like six months, we're at the beacon. Like I'm there, selling out, we're all three. I was just selling out the beacon. Like I do the seven out, we're all three. I was just selling out the beacon.

Like I do the seven, you do the 10, you do the midnight. It is. It's like New York comedy club over there. I mean, I was there with Eddie Vetter and I was impressed with some to see him. I'll be open to it. And I was impressed that these guys are playing that club.

And I mean, I sold out the beacon two years ago with Krebs of Kids. Really? But it was the four of us. How many minutes? What's the beacon, like, 2,500? The beacon is... It's the best place to see music, by the way.

That's my kid, should I answer it, yeah? Yeah, you love him. I do love him. Hi, buddy, I'm on the radio right now. What's up? I get a hundred of my tests. What? I got a hundred.

Make it like a thing. Bobby, I am so, you to my test. What? Oh my God, I'm hunting! Make it lick a thing. Bobby, I am so, so proud of you, man. Listen, I can't tell you how much you made my day, kid. I love you so much. I can't wait to give you a hug, man. I'm so proud. How proud of you, dude.

How excited are you? Pardon me, you know, it sounded. I'm tired. Oh, you you? I'm excited. I mean, you know, it sounded. I'm tired. Oh, you're tired. Well, listen, buddy. I love you so much. I'm telling you, I'm going to get you such a cool present. I'm going to get you. What do you want? Tell me what you want.

You got it. Um, no, don't say that. I'm on the phone. Hors. An iPhone? Get a horse. You can't get an iPhone. But listen, the thing is, is that... Pony.

Zebra. Lap pan surgery. Giraffe. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. All right, Lizzy, I love you so much, kid. Like you ones.

I'm so proud of you. I'll see you tonight when I get home, all right? I'm flying home after my spot. I'll see you before you go to bed, all right? You're the best. Say, say congratulations to Max. Hey, congrats, Max. Congratulations, Max. Congratulations, Max. That's awesome. Yeah. That's for a horse. What kind of test was it?

It was a math test. Bye, buddy. So awesome. Multiplication. I'll see you later, buddy. Bye. Bye. Say goodbye. Don't be like your grandmother. Say goodbye. Don't be like your grandmother. Say goodbye. Bye guys. Say goodbye to your father. Forget about the guys. Love you. Love you. Bye. Matt stressed. All right. We got to cut that out of the pod. I mean, this dude. He was he was stressing out about his math test.

So bad. He had so much anxiety about it. Did you tell him it's not gonna be important in real life? I did. I did do that. I didn't say it like that, but I let him know that. There's calculations. He's going to be fine. That, you know, this isn't, whatever happens

on the test is fine. And you know, whatever you get, you're gonna be good. We're gonna get better at it and better at this school. This is not, you know, the rest of your life you're good. And, but I'm just good. For him to get a, he went from a, I think he had like a 60 last time. He was bummed out.

I was gonna say that's pretty good. He was bummed out, he was so sad. He fucking just laughed like he could get a 60. Wow. But for him to get a hot shot. What James get? What? James, go miss.

James, I don't know. They're not going to the same school. They're not going to the same school. James goes to, if I give a huge smart school. Really? Yeah, he goes to like a to the same school. They're not going to the same school. James goes to a fucking huge smart school. Really? Yeah, he goes to like a school in the city. You have to get chosen or something shit. James is smart.

Okay. James is no joke. And he wipes the floor with Max. And they both do Jiu Jitsu. He did. But Max started like a year later. I do Jiu Jitsu also. And he and we know.

And he wipes the floor with Max's fucking. Max is bigger than him. But he just, he silently just rips he wipes the floor back. It looks like it's back is bigger than him, but he just he silently just rips his arm off. Yeah, looks at his father like dad should I stop? And Lewis is like, yeah, don't do it. So yeah, anyways, I'm very proud of him. That's great. That's great.

It is great. Yeah, it's fucking makes me happy. Anyways, how do we make it? I don't know. You think phone calls with your son and a little of a podcast. That's gonna do it. Yeah, dude, I fucking asked you. Didn't you say yeah? I didn't say yeah You think phone calls with your son in the middle of a podcast. That's gonna do. Yeah, dude, I fucking asked you. Didn't you say yeah?

I didn't say yeah, he said yeah. Oh, well, he said yeah, you love your son. I said, fuck we can edit, we have an autistic. But editing my son out of my podcast. We can autistic, this is the problem with you guys. You're gonna find out, you're gonna find out someday. And this is serious, you're gonna be bummed that you didn't fucking have a kid.

I'm probably gonna listen. Listen, listen. You're gonna be, maybe we're gonna be. I you didn't fucking have a kid. I'm probably gonna listen. Listen, listen. You're gonna be probably going to have a kid. The next fucking chick I date is gonna be the one that I lock down. I'm probably gonna knock around. I feel y'all get back. You're going to. You're bad.

I'm going to. All right. I'm gonna be a person. I'm fucking fooling around with this dog shit and teach a kid something. Yeah, that's true. The dog. Get rid of the bitch and get a bitch.

Yeah. Get it in. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, That's right. You got to do. Look at those guys, they put out a YouTube video every day. No, every day. Tom, tell it. You know what we should do? We should do the regs. Yes. Cut it all up.

Yeah, that's just right. Yeah, I'm stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff. Well, what are you gonna do? Right now, we just, our fan base is, what did you call them again? In touch. In earing. Touching.

We're a very touching fan base. Yeah, there's like a level of them. It's nice. What's that word? Is that you? What's that noise? I heard crinkling. It was my neck. Shut the fuck up.

What do you got candy over there? No, I got it. It's my neck. No, what's in your pocket? I got a little mint. Can I have one? Yeah, if you want one. To keep my lips moist.

Yeah, we have a mint. Whoa, that looks like cigarette gum or something. No, they stick TNT, look, like this. So when you talk on stage, you do stand up, they don't flip out. You put them up, you put the brown set up on the back of your tooth, don't chew it. Wait, what?

You put the brown part on the back of your teeth, like that, and it sticks to your teeth. So you can talk and do stand up. They're made for this? Yeah, that's what it's for. These are performance mints. I mean, I don't know if they have fucking name performance mints.

Performance. Is it that they're shape performance? Wow. Now we got a sponsor. Another real. Another real. Market. Yeah, they're for, yeah, they're good.

They keep you mouth moist while you're talking. Let me ask you this. You hear this? Yeah. I got a friend. I won't say his name. Yeah, he'll remain anonymous. Go ahead. But he is single guy. Yep.

Went out on a date. First of all, the things, again, we're old men. Swiping. The swipe shit. Swipeshade, you know how well we would have done? We would have dominated. Dude, but here's the thing. We didn't, and we did great.

We had to listen to hopes and dreams and take him to the French roast and take walks and we still did bad. I did better than the fucking dudes with the swipe app. So anyways, this kid, he's just like a whatever nerd goof. And he got an athletic sex god like you, exactly. He gets, he's not talking about Ron on. He gets blown recently.

The woman uses Lube on his penis. She loobs up his dick. Pfft. And then sex is D, S is his D. She have a ditch into the Lube. I never heard of that. And then I looked it up, I googled it. And a lot of, there's a lot of articles like

what your blowjob is missing, this is what you're gonna do. So this is, and they've flavored loob So how do you feel? What's everyone feel thoughts? I do that? You blow guys the loob Shut up. We like to let us enjoy And that is what you think the fun away. No, I like when that's done to me like that. I like it I do that

Story I was your fucking video right Hey, I'm not gay, but he thought it was You're not gonna join in we're doing it. Oh, I didn't realize it was funny that we did I know but it was funny that we didn't yeah So you like it so that's Lou So do you Lou be a dick before she sucks you dick? And if I don't do it what I don't do it But I want it like lubed up enough like and if you use that what is it flavored? This one's not you know the uberlobe that they gave us at skankfest that one year, which is like the best Loot I was lift loop. I would never put anything on my penis. I got it skankfest. They gave us that they had a I didn't use the Perrell they had

My fucking stuff. I put up my dick get out of here. They gave us this uberlobe And I've loved it ever since It's like you know, it's water based so it's like first of all the best shit to drop it. You get discounts on rides It's what it's water based, but it's like you know if you like us sort of sloppy real wet sex blowjob or sex It's like you know really yeah, it's great. I like it. Lou be Loujo, I love LouBee. I'd never done that and I never would do that. I like a girl, I like an old fashioned dick lickin' out. Yeah. I don't like a, I like all that too.

I like spit and all that stuff too, but I want it really wet. I don't like, I don't master it with LouB. Can you try? Dude, let me, how? I'm gonna tell you if you stop fucking Interrupted me sorry I like just using my hand and I just do that because when you put the loop on it Then it's a mess and you gotta go shower

Are you gonna go wash? Why can't you just use like a baby boy? You just wipe it off with me. I know it's such a mess. Maybe I'll try that. Maybe I'll try that. How much more messy is it than what's coming out? Plus I don't want Lou, but if I have Lou and my kids and what's this dad? Oh, it's jerk off juice. I don't want to, we're gonna clean him. We're gonna clean him soon.

Why? You're gonna have to stay, Lou. He's not, he's eight. Well, a couple of years. I had 19. I had 11, 12, no, but you know, you're gonna get your jerk off of where he's 19. You gotta be the rule of my house.

Sex positive, bro. I'm sex positive. You gotta be like think he actually he actually he had up a boner for the first time whoa And um, call him back. He asked me he Can I get this Can I have a fucking conversation without you? Sorry. Yes. All Alright, so you're son at a boner, I'm listening. Alright, this is just too much now. What? No, I can be serious. No, I can't even, I have a person on a clip

because it's like you just saying your son has a boner, let's go. He'll put it on a clip. And then it's him licking his bottom lip, it's just a disgusting clip. He really is gross. Alright, let's be serious. I'm saying that it was a weird conversation to have because I had to go look, man, what happens is this blood. Well, you know what,

you gotta go see a penis. Yes. And, you know, and it becomes full and gorge. And it will go down in a couple of minutes because he was trying to pee and it was just sticking straight out. And he was nervous. No, you wake up with a boner.

Okay, but you know, it'll go down a few minutes. You sound like you were trying to console him or something. Well, he just didn't understand it. It's like his, I was like, dude, I heard him peeing and hitting not the water. I'm like, max the water is like, I can't. I'm like, why? He goes, it's sticking straight up. To just pissing over the wall. And I walked in and I'm like, he goes, why is it doing this?

And I was like, and I explained to him. And I was like, just wait a second. And I go, if this happens, just pee in the tub. But we took a shirt off to get it down. I do that all the time, by the way. That's just mean. That's funny. Well, you're saying my kid, it doesn't like fat guys.

Well, it wasn't a fat joke. It was a shirtless dad joke. If you were thin, it would have worked. I thought I'd give him a little leeway. All right. Yeah. It wasn't a fat joke. If your dad takes the shirt off, you got him a little leeway. I mean, yeah. It wasn't a fat joke. It was, if your dad takes the shirt off, you gotta lose your bowler.

Yeah. I mean, hopefully. Even just, do you have a dad? I think it's in shape. I don't know. My dad was in the worst shape. He died at like 72, because you would be such a bad shape. Jesus, but your parents are old.

My dad was like, oh, mess, my mom's not. My mom's like like 24 years old with me. My mom's not old. Wow. Anyways, back to you two idiots having kids. I'm going to. You're never gonna, and I don't know why, because you would be a fantastic.

You'd be a great dad. Well, I'm a good uncle. No, you don't want to be a fantastic dad. You have a wife, so I'm just, she's a one. You don't like kids. I love kids, what are you talking about? There you go. But can I issue a question?

Max told me you whispered out in his ear one day. No, I love, I love. Did you love kids? Most kids not max, but I love kids. I mean, like I have, I have a kid named after me. I'm flying to Seattle this week. When I'm out of my off week, I fly to Seattle. Yes, because I love children.

You love a child, a child. You don't know that's true. And then I have my other needs. You're too selfish. I was a camp counselor for years. Who's named after you? Joe. I get that part.

Who is it? He's my buddy's kid. I think they just picked the name Joe. It's pretty common. Yeah, that's what it was. It's good. Trying to dismay. Did you like kids before you had a kid?

I'm always like kids. Oh, I'm a good with kids. Yeah, I've always been cool with kids. Yeah, I'm a good person. Did you like the thing? Like, when I'm walking down the street, like, I love all my nieces and nephews. I got a good with kids. Yeah, I've always been cool with kids. Yeah, I'm a good person. Did you like the thing? Like, when I'm walking down the street, like I love all my nieces and nephews, I got a ton of them.

When I see people dealing with their kids in the morning, did that never make you like, I just don't wanna deal with that. Like, when they're being like the thing in there. The only thing I didn't want, the only thing I didn't want a kid is because I had just found, you know, me and my chick kind of got our shit together and we were traveling and vacationing and we, I mean, me and Don and I had my apartment in the city that I owned

a duplex, and 47th, between 9th and 10th. So it was like, I would come home from spots and she would be up smoking at the table. And then we, I'd smoke, we'd play cards, we'd go to the diner, we'd wake up at, you know, 12 in the afternoon. Do we have a fuck you want? Yeah, we had a smoke we'd play cards. We'd go to the diner. We'd wake up at like you know 12 in the afternoon Do we ever fuck you on yeah, we had a we were having fun and we go on vacation and then and then Something I don't know what happened. I said to her one day I go do you want a kid and she goes I think I do and Then we're like all right. Let's try it for a year and a half. We tried unsuccessfully I was it was it was almost to the point where like, we're not having them.

And then we had little max. You had them at 43, right? 42. 42. How old was she? Are you glad you waited? She was 38 to think. Are you glad you waited?

No. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if I can answer that. I mean, it doesn't matter. You haven't, you're fucking loving it. I don't, I don't know. I mean, look, if I had him when he was younger, he'd be, I don't know. She really, no. if I had him when he was younger, he'd be, I don't know.

Really? I'm glad I had him now. I'm glad I had him now because I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I YouTube. Let me smell the brand. Oh, he's got fitness for fitness guy for it. He does. He does. He smells like way. He should have jade. He should have cursive jade the other day and said that to me while I was having dinner. Oh, did you do you ask of it? It was terrible. It was wild. It was a really beautiful and broken half and formed a day. I do that with my friends. If I have like a really nice one, I'm like like look, I filled the bowl. Do you think this guys Do you think I gritch like you the Elon Musk or you know

Donald Trump or the president shit and shit letters and sent them to the front Trump. Yes Like that Biden I don't think shit anymore You think you should an a OC over time and send it to her? I think, maybe. That was an old Pat Dixon had a joke like that. What was that? He's shit, a curse of J.

And he said, well, I had to maneuver. It didn't come out that way. I had to maneuver it a little bit. And he said he took a photo. And he goes, I had to take a photo just in case my next few shits were like an ESUS. And nobody would believe me if there was no J. Very funny guy.

It is funny. Yeah, he's a great comic. But is it a clip? We should do this. I got an idea. Come on this show. We do other comedians jokes. We laugh at it.

We put that up on the internet. Yeah, blow that comic up. Yeah. No, we blow us up, but using their jokes so we can save our jokes. What's a Chris D joke? Let's do it like, uh,'s Christ the fuck get rid of Chris That was this big bit That was a spit take from Bob these cans are two

They're like squeezing my eye tits out so take one off like this. Yeah, well take them off You don't need to wear them take them off. Oh, right. Oh, God. I don't like yours hurt Don't need to wear them. We're not. This is much better. I really like this. I'm not great. I'm just joking. I got the audio wrong. Well guys, listen, this has been a fantastic show.

Yeah, wait, let's make it more, but when you say it, like this has been a fantastic show. Like make it so for the clip. All right, go ahead. No, you do it. You do it. This is made with a fantastic show. What do you want me to do?

We're doing a clip. Guys, wait a minute. We'll do it. We'll do it. We'll do it. We'll do it. We'll do it. We'll do it. We'll do it. We'll do die down laugh. We'll give out with the left. Oh, man. All right, well listen, man, if you didn't hear this one, I don't know what to tell you because this was,

this was a fantastic challenge. I believe we got to do it again. I think so many love. Fire. Got it. I'll give it all. We all got divorced. Oh, jeez.

All right. My guys. Oh Worth it will do anything for the audience here and for the cam. We got Justin silver. We'll make him people find you kid. Um, I will be where you can go to my social media. It's at I am Justin silver. It's I am just a silver dot com. You broke it.

Oh, I'm Dana. Um, I'll be at comedy connection in road island this weekend. I'm doing it's the 11th 12th. We're taking off the 13th because because it's like obviously Super Bowl Sunday, and then I'm staying and doing the Monday. So it's five shows, 11th to the 14th. That's such a fun club, I love it. That's a great club, those guys are awesome too.

They're so awesome. There's two bars. Oh, you know what I started doing. I brought the, we're doing funny for fighter, it was a tour, which I hope you'll come and do it. And we're gonna be recording it, but I brought the language of dogs back, because so many people ask dog questions. So it's like, we do it with the three camera shoots.

So when they ask questions on Patreon, I'll demonstrate and show the answers to all those things. That's great. Yeah, that's awesome. Joe, you? I got a bunch of dates coming up. There on my website, comedianjolis.com. I got Tampa, Buffalo, Boston.

That Tampa, and bro. Tacoma? No, size but, size but, Tacoma, no, size blitters. Size blitters, you know, size blitters in Tampa. Yeah. And Austin, San Francisco for the first, it never works, San Francisco. What, what, what's that? I have to and June, I'm doing the punchline in San Francisco.

Oh, that's my favorite. Molly's awesome. Yeah, I've had a date back in COVID with blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I've got a coover. I'm making up a Vancouver date. I got a ton of dates, so comedianJollis, and follow me on Instagram. And got a special for god's sake Subscribe to my YouTube. What are you doing?

Numbers up Joe list. I guess Joe. I know I gotta get the I don't even look at that autistic guy And and say if anyone's autistic or a transbearded person, we need you. Joe. We all need you. I'll suck a fucking trans dick. With Loub or no? Probably no Loub, the first kid Loub for cage. Okay, never given ones.

Okay. I wouldn't be able to go with, anyways. All right, well listen, this has been a great show. Don't go anywhere because we're gonna read my dates, but we're also going to want to stick around. We're going to be reading some questions that you guys have in the patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly, the Patreon overtime on YKWD.

You guys sent some questions in. We're going to be talking about Joe Rogan and Jimmy Carr, the cancel thing for a second. Yeah, well, not too much. You're fine. Don't worry about it. We won't fucking get you, cancel Joe. And I'm going to be at Saratoga this week, Lansing, Michigan, and Fattucho's, Holland, Michigan, and then Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and then Chicago. I got a four-day run out there in the cold cold. What is that called? The Midwest. Midwest,

the Midwest, baby. I love it out there. So come and see me Monday night. I have a sold out. I think I'm Monday night. I can't yeah 14 and then I'm a Kipsey I got that makeup date then I'm in Tampa What am I fucking tell the crews there you go call the crews grand rapids with big J Ari and Detroit with them We just added another show on Thursday. That's gonna be fun. So check that out. Niagara Falls, Robert Kelly and friends. We're already talking Rogan. I got what's that?

I said, we're already talking Rogan. He said Niagara. Oh Niagara Falls. Niagara Falls, the bare den. I'm gonna be up there with Rich Vos. I don't know, I mean, we're not here. I don't even know if we're friends anymore. And Lewis Gomez. So check that out and go to comicwear elbows.com

Code word ladybug. Get your YKWD gear. She'd click on that right now and you'll see all the gear is up here. We got hats. We got Papa King, the Papa King shirt, the Papa King hoodie. We got YKWD Skankfest hats, beanies shirts, the knot you, we got the cowsbells, all pancakes Sunday. Look at all the merch. We got the sister pink shirt is up there. And of course the Robert Kelly spaghetti shirt is up there. Everything is 20% off for you if you use cowork ladybugs.

Make sure you go up there and go to our shows. Make sure you tell them you heard them on YKWD and he came to the show because of it. Let them know that you're listening. And if you have autism, hit me up because I can use another one. What else we got? That's it, right? No, you just need a transgender and then we're good. All right. Yeah, dude. All right, here we go. We're on the other thing. All right, how do I do this now? You guys ready for this? Yeah, what are we doing? You ready? Can I pee real quick? Yeah, please go pee. I'm gonna read this ad real quick while you pee. Hey guys, I do have sponsors. Hope you know that. And I want to thank my new business, Steer Sponsor, Gunter Law Group. Okay? If we've learned anything over the past two years, it should got to be prepared. Not just in terms of food, water, toilet paper and video games,

but also in terms of getting your legal house in order before it's too late. Look, even if you don't have Rogan money, we'll let you, uh, we'll let your loved ones know how to distribute your estate after you pass away. This stuff's important. I'm 51, I think about this all the time. Go out for big, you never know when a lightning bolt, a bus, you're gonna grab your chest. Look, regardless of your size of a state,

at the very least, you should consider a will. Get a will. A medical power of attorney, a DNR. Okay, so that the loved ones don't have to go through crazy emotional stress side whether or not to pull the plug on you you already made the decision. It's not theirs to make, okay? And you don't have to put the people you love, hey, you're in my camera shot, dude. The fuck I just do. Sorry, I forgot. You're gonna need one of these fucking wills in a second.

Points in their lives, anyways. You gotta go to these guys, Gunther Law Group. So if you're anywhere in Texas, contact Kyle, Kyla, right? Kyla, what a great name, Kyla. That a cool name, does it sound like a, it sounds like a, like a Star Wars name. Can I shut the fuck up? I didn't say anything.

You're talking. You're whispering to him. I'm looking at the thing. Was it you, whispering? No, he said something. He said something. He said something. Yes, he initially went like this.

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Kyla, Kyla, I'm on your side. Just call her 682-224-1967 to set up a consultation today. If you mention YKWD, they're going to knock 25% off of her fee. This is a legal advertisement that's not intended to specific legal advice. I want you to go check them out. I'm actually going to call them and get my will straight now, because I don't want to grab my chest and have my mother take everything from Max,

if you're not saying. Oh, here's Liz. She's still mad. I'm calling Kyla. Liz, we're almost wrapping up. Is everything okay? Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm calling me when you're done. Okay, who would you do?

Mary fuck kill. Justin, Joe, me when you're done. Okay, who would you do? Mary fuck kill Justin Joe me Marry Zavis difficult Mary how's that difficult? Who would you marry? I'm so much I mean, I guess I'd marry you because you know, we're very compatible We just you know yell at people for the rest of our lives. I believe Yeah, I'd fuck to a list because I feel bad for him We're very compatible and we've just, you know, yell at people for the rest of our lives. I'm the lead man. Yeah. I fucked a list because I feel bad for him and then I'd have to kill Justin's uncle. Okay, there you go.

Yeah, shit. Oh my god. Yes. I'll be down in a couple minutes. I like spit my mouth. Stick around. It's not over yet. This episode of YKWD is continuing now

exclusively on patreon.com slash rubber kelly. See you there. P-P-P-P-P-T-Let's someone fucking- Alright, give it up for Joe. List everybody, give it up for Joe List. Who go to his website and check out Tuesdays with stories with Joe List, the truth. Thanks for coming on Joe and Justin, thanks for showing me your butt hole. You're welcome and I'll never forget it. Yes. And I'm going to show it to everybody in the audience

in Rhode Island this weekend. So come out the comedy. That's worth the worth the money right there. It's a nice little bumhole. I told you it looks like the top of a soup dumpling. And I want to thank new Nikki for producing the show and get everything together. Thank you, Nikki. Of course, Joe Brussels, my new video guy, right? Yeah. Let's do it. Let's do it. And Mush, Mikey Mush.

And I want to thank all you fans for checking out the podcast every week. Thanks for clicking on the subscribe button if you haven't do that right now. And thanks for joining the Patreon. It really appreciated. It helps us do all the stuff we do here aquí y me ayuda a mi f***ing live. Entonces, hay que ir. Si te vas a ver en el próximo vídeo, ¿qué es? ¿Qué es? ¡Tienes por listening! ¡Nunca vamos a ir a los chiles de trabajo! ¡Chiles de trabajo! 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.

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