Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Jumpin' Joe

Episode Date: April 25, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Joe List, Luis J Gomez, Liza Treygar, and Chris Distefano! Luis gets screwed over by a booker in Westchester, Liza gives us the inside scoop from the set of Louie CK's independent show, "Horace and Pete", and List becomes a Comic Unleashed. Watch / Listen and enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? Y no lo sé, dude. ¡On the Riotcast Network! Riotcast.com.

¡Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth! This is going to be a cost of fire. This podcast has no rules. to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost-defying podcast. It's no rules. I'm gonna go to the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said, should I regret it? Can I get a mic? No! What the fuck?

That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's... ...tending on topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides to the coin The day my podcast is popular I might affect somebody's life. You never know I

Fuck is that what is the chat? What is that? It's my people But can my cans come up I got no cans Oh, I fucking you know Joe I can I start the fucking show. We tested the shit. I got no cans. How's that there? We go thank you. I'm ruining my hair for this problem is got huge cans. That's why must see I have this this backwards technique So I don't ruin my hair your hair is amazing Thank you. I'm fucking gorgeous. Now. I want to know I'm fuck Chris That's not what I wanted to I got excited I I got jackass. I'd blow him to another episode of you know what dude We got a fucking dad. What was the question? I don't know because you're fucking jump on the front of the show You jump in Joe jump in Joe

Listen here's the deal we got a fucking great line of Chris go Paul or all Lauren cuz Chris seems to be busy or he passed out on the microphone. Why would you say we have a great lineup? Why would you lead off with Chris? No, he's gonna. He's gonna announce the show. Oh That way when I do forget people's names, I'm consistent. So I know all you so now he's gonna announce the show So then when I tell him to announce the show when there's somebody here. I don't know it's not me just not knowing then you'll never know when I don't know their names So announce the show. Oh, it's in my right Chris D is back. Yeah, what's up? I really don't know Chris D. Yeah talking to the Mike Chris Chris the Stefano Can you fix it?

Seven oh made five million dollars last year doesn't know how to talk into the microphone right the wrong the Stefano died I always say right that's that was D Stefano whatever way of different names that's just a fucking terrible thing to say what I wish was alive I wish he was dead that's a good thing oh you what you wish I was dead he wishes to the one who died not the other one I don't know why I mean I know why he did that was a better comic but listen He was not he was you guys are very equal I have more Twitter followers Unless it's true listen this is when you know true fame when you can delete your Twitter

That's when you famous right when you fucking cab Twitter falls you care about them You're not famous until you say bye-bye That's true fame when you go fuck it. Most of my followers are bots anyway Everybody has bots. Yeah, anyways Chris your back. I love you a Chrissy D Thank you very funny guy very great actor Thank you. Yeah, yeah That was acting he wasn't surprised at all. Okay, that was my that was my surprise What the fuck was that? I don't even know what that was you said he's a great actor Yeah, I'm gonna tell you okay, I'm saying it across let me let me introduce the next person on the fucking show Platform on the fucking show jumping Joe list

Still be the truth can I be truthfully jumping? I have a we do this. I don't want to go for the truth to jump in Jumping Joe a.k.a. The truth. Thank you. I like it. Joe list a.k.a Fucking still writes out of my neck can't a K.A. You got a little baby can't afford it can't throw the lymph nodes Asshole mouth herpes. They can't see the doctor. They talked to them about it What is it? I've had not I want to talk about in the show I've already talked about it too much, but what the problem is I have a What is it swallow on the right side it hurts?

Does it hurt when Lewis just touched now doesn't hurt to the Tuckets good that people are tired of hearing about it Yeah, I am either a die or you get it over. Come on. I think you're gonna be like. You just did. Yeah. You should Christ. So you're Mike that low, you just stink it. No, I don't like it.

All this confidence goes away by the end of the sentence every time. Yeah, so much resentment amongst the four of you or the three of you. What are you talking about? Who three oh? You try to, Chris. I try to paint this angle that I hate Scopo. And I'm not trying to paint that angle. I'm saying you guys say things and you can see like that just then Chris is like this. Yeah, you keep my fucking Mike low

Yeah, did you say that? I didn't say like that you said it like that. I added the fuck for dramatic We were here. Yeah keep my fucking Michael dude. I don't fucking keep anybody's my glow. I want everybody's my name I didn't did you just say that? I did say that. I'll know. Yeah, but do you believe I No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no You could look at me look at me look at me look at me take that back You're my look at look at the knobs joky jumping dude and I say something about scopo I saw you last week at New York common club. You had a great I just turned it off. I didn't want it to get in a compliment. Oh really? So good. I meant it. No, you really had a great set, man.

I appreciate it. Lisa Trigger is here. Oh, it's right now. It's not Lisa. It is Lisa. It's Lisa. With a Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z and it was the worst. I hate paying $30 to be laid. Bobby Reimers is that. Bobby Reimers is that. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I could have taken the train, been here on the table. I was like, oh no, I don't want to risk it. And then this motherfucker. You could have been laid in this. We would have been thrilled. To Mrs. Kronk.

What the fuck? I don't know. How about this nickname? I got a nickname. Crowd, please a tracker. Crowd, nice. Not bad. I don't know if I like it. Because I don't know. Crowd, do you tracker. Cloud, that's he came up with that. Not bad. I don't know if I like it.

Because I don't know, crowd, do you have to do that? That's the trigger. It would be cloud. I don't like the letter crowd. You also. Crowd, please a Lisa. That would be better. That would be better.

Crowd, please a Lisa tracker. When I worked in a salon, my nickname was Sleiza. Yeah. Sleiza. Wait a minute, stop, stop, stop. You worked in a salon? Yeah, it was a receptionist. I didn't know that.

Yeah, it was so good at it. Like a hair, like a woman's, stop, stop, stop. You worked in a salon? Yeah, it was a receptionist. I didn't know that. Yeah, it was so good at it. Like a hair, like a woman's hair salon, a man's about. Everyone kind of high-hand. Yeah, and then I was a receptionist. But I had to switch salons every year and a half because of my attitude, like the customers would complain. Because you're kind of little... country, but so good at my job.

What do you mean, how can you... That's bad at your job. The only thing you gotta do is be friendly. No, no, no. I mean, if I liked you and you were a good person, I would fit you in. I'd be like, give me a minute. I would like switch a point. I would figure stuff out.

Take out lunch. Like, really accommodate. But then if I didn't like you, I'd be like, there's nothing. Yeah, that sounds like a black receptionist. Yeah. I was in the black gay and that's what it is. That was funny. You're giving the racism, Savannah.

The what? I gave you the fucking, I can't say it, bandana. That's not a bomb. It's a fucking flat tire. We discussed that all right. We discussed it three years ago I've been here for a minute and we're down to salon talk and I love it. I think it's good to be country and good at your job We love D-Poo What is this the racism banter? We call it the chink danna because it's yellow. Oh, here you go

She wins. That's just fucking old school. That's like 1985 racism. For sure. For sure. Oh, geez. We need a flat tire, Dana. Yeah, Dana? Yeah, Dana.

Bandana. Nice try, Dana. To catch me on one, you douche. Jump in, Joe. Jump in, Joe. Jump in, Joe. Jump in, Joe. All right.

Chris, you with us? Yeah, I'm there. Okay. I didn't know that. Look, I understand what, you with us? Yeah, I'm there. Okay. I didn't know that. Look, I understand what you're saying, but when somebody's a cunt and they like me, especially when I'm with my wife, and they don't like her and they meet,

but then they want it liking me, I feel like I'm a better person. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I can adjust to your twatiness and make you kind of like me, and I feel like I accomplished something. Yeah, but I would always get someone to your coffee or, you know, bullshit like that. Right, so did they fire you? You quit. No, I of like me, and I feel like I accomplished something. Yeah, but I would always get someone T or coffee or, you know, a bullshit like that.

Am I right? So did they fire you? You quit. No, I would like sense what I would have it, I would get a warning. Stop hitting the microphone. You're doing it, you're fucking idiot. It's a fucking mic. I didn't know I hit it. It was called... Because you're an A. It was called an accident.

You have three times the rope. Five times? Yeah. Put your hands on. This is a great fuck Mary Kiel to three of you. Oh nice. Oh, well, no it's not. It's pretty easy.

You're kidding. Mary fucking kill fuck. No, why do you take herpes? Fuck off. Can you talk about it? I'm a good boyfriend. I husband. There's no way I'm marrying or fucking you.

What? No way. I'd rather risk herpes. Wow, that's not. Now I think you fuck Lewis. You marry Chris and Joe. No, you don't marry Chris Are you not married? Trusted when I can hairline every time we're gonna go. So it takes an hour and a half because it was hair

Yeah, all you do is cry and say that you don't cheat. No, I'm joking. I'm just, I'm in character. Just in case she's listening. Yeah. Yeah. No, I never cheated on my girlfriend. Your girlfriend is amazing. I can't believe how fucking beautiful she is. Yeah, she's gorgeous.

I mean, I mean, she was at this cell. Him and Carly aren't together anymore. Whoa. Too much, Jesus, that's too much. Oh, shut up. Jump in, Jesus, that's too much. Shut up. Jumping Joe. Jumping Joe. What happened there?

That was, we can't do that. I thought it was hilarious. I just didn't know what happened. Lisa's taking like, do you care about coasters? This is for a time? We do care about coasters. No, we have coasters all around the table for no reason. But mine's sweating, so I can't see that. That joke was supposed to mean I think Carly is great. Mm-hmm. That's what I was going for there

My favorite stories The famous Chicago story What are you talking about? So can I tell you what happened? The Zane in Chicago? Oh, sure What happened? He has an answer with his next girlfriend

You guys are friends, right? Yes, yes, at least I'm sure I probably like him more than he likes me but I like nobody's talking about it I like you, I like you as much as... Why don't you say it three more times, you're... I'm not gonna tell you. Are you mustering the fucking emotion?

I like you. No, I like you. One more time. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. Give me one more.

We have Twitter direct messages going back two years. To me, Rhythm? Yeah, no, wasn't anything like that. Chris was a scumbag them. Yeah, no, wasn't any Christmas a scumbag sale? No, no, no. I want you to do me. It was something about when you were coming to New York to hook up on a show or something. Not hook up with me, like you hooked up on a spot on a show.

Yeah, so what was it? So Carly goes first and spends her whole set shitting on him. Oh, he's right up there. They broke up. Right up there. They broke up. So just talking shit about him.

And then he has to go on stage to booze of girls It was crazy. It has to dig himself out of a hole with you know, a lot of that I was a lot of time so it was like 40 minutes of being like I'm an okay person Let me ask you question and I always think about these situations Why didn't you just blow it up? It was there more dates was it too much money? What what what made you go? Fuck you fuck you, fuck you, fuck this show and she can suck my dick? What made you not do that? Because I think at that time I felt like if I did that and left the tour, left the

shows then was there a lot left? There was, oh yeah, it was about three and a half months. So there was a lot of money on that table. Yeah, I just felt like I felt like then. So it was a money thing. Just fucking basketball players coming in that other room. I don't know. Dude, I've been there. I've been there on certain things where it's like,

I could tell somebody to go fuck themselves and there was a lot of money. Right. I just shut my fucking face and try to deal with it. Like when you and Dane broke up. Right. I don't know what was that. I don't know if it gets a save as what it was.

Yeah, but we see laughing or is this he have Tourette? I don't know what that was. That's Jerry, give him the bomb, Dana, because he bombed and nobody is acknowledging it. What are you talking about? That was a bomb. He's almost, he's never seen a look at him. That's the first time he's laughed.

It's not a bomb. A laugh is a laugh. No, hold on, time out. Hold on. I will give a new rule for bomb Dana. The bomb Dana. First of all, you have to turn the fucking rule by me. I'm, I'm, I'm running my face. I'm running my face. Yeah, make sure you get it up if we leave early for another show. It, it by you. Fuck you. The audience members laughter

does not, audience members laughter. What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you? Why don't you just turn it to Mike Tyson for a second. The audience members laughter doesn't matter for the bomb Dan it has to be everyone at the table. Oh, we're talking about. Oh, that's not true He's gonna laugh at everything. He's a tormented. He's a friend of his laptop time. I agree he's retarded But he hasn't laughed yet. I'm gonna my my pearl enjoy your laugh kid. Hey, would you call him kid? What are you Frank Sinatra? I'm a homer tonight Hey, sing us a song. Hey, first of all introduce

the upkid. Introduce to we have a couple people. We have first. I wasn't introduced by the way. Yeah, you were. You're dumb. I was not. Stop. You're everybody knows me. Stop. You're absolutely right. First of all, introduce our guests that you showed up. I did already. Oh, you did that. Introduce Lewis. Lewis, Jay Gomez, the real ass dude, Puerto Rican Rouse, Nick. The show. The, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the full moon is the artist, the artist, the artist, the full moon is the house of a million, idiot. That's the last one, right? The ultimate minority. Oh, you're an idiot, it's not in there. I wanted to do, of course, the video master Kung Fu expert, D. Poo,B-U, as my fucking series says, calling D-Pu.

Chris Scopo, the producer Lauren fucking Kelly to point, what's wrong with you? What, she looks great, she always looks good. What is wrong with my upper lip? It doesn't exist, but everything else is perfect. And me and Joe have a connection with our lips. That's good, great. That's not a good thing. Yeah, I think you look great.

I mean, Bobby has the best lips. Your lips look fine. Thanks. Lewis is dumb and gay. Thanks. We got Laura Lauren. I was so fucking, I think there's a good thing in the air. Introduce the guest.

We have guests at Comedistudio. You want to come to the studio? How do you do a Chris? You email YKWDproducer at rikaz.com. And introduce the lovely guests that are here. One is going to be at Murder Somebody. Everyonecom and it's you do still lovely guests that are here one or it's gonna be a murder somebody it looks like Sean Donnelly on steroids yeah he looks yes

oh god I'm right about this one word for you sense a humor yeah um wow I don't have to rats or cancers no you have to lay low

big fucking hands yeah yeah big dude I think the problem with introducing the guest is it lets people know that only two people wanted to be here Yeah, I break it up. I break it up. I don't have First of all, I'm not gonna let the momentum of the show I'm not gonna fucking load the place up with guests. I mean, what do you want to do? Have 15 people up here? I got five seats. Look at those two on the couch already

Yeah, and then him and plus I you never know what you're getting. I don't know what's your name. I'm Jerry. What's up? I use the mic Jerry. Hey, I'm Jerry Lolli. I don't use the mic. Okay. Where you from? I'm from Queens and from Woodside and Oh, shit. That are combined. I'm really excited to see this school. Oh good man, thanks for coming by. OK, wave, OK. Wave from. Oh, it's OK. Stop making it. Wave from.

Queens. I mean, what do you do? I'm a little nervous right now with this guy. I'm very nervous. I'm just so cool. I do stand up too. And also just work at writing. And I don't know why I said that.

I don't know how it helps anything. We're working right. Can you give me Advil Sinus the one behind and yourself some Xanax? Sure, it's an excellent, good for him. Hey, well welcome to the show dude. We had a lot of comics that come in here as that sit down so that's quite like that. Alright, pass that mic over, wipe it off though before you give it back. Alright, so anyways, there you go. I've used everybody. I have a bone to pick. You have a bone to pick or make an announcement?

Bone to pick. You always have a bone to fucking pick. No, I don't. All right, we'll start it. Yeah, pick bone. I don't like how fucking Leezza's trying to host the show. She's not. She's actually being part of the show. You have good female energy.

Left and right just fucking kind of throwing jabs at me already. I don't like it. Why? Very negative. That wasn't even a full jab. Yeah, that wasn't a jab. That was fucking hookin' an uppercut. That was a...

She's a crab, please, huh? She said just fucking spit it out. I got a fucking weekend canceled on me upcoming this weekend. I saw that on a piece of... Me and Mike Cannon were supposed to co-headline Ha in Yonkers. Yeah. Yeah, and they fucking canceled four days in advance because they're not ready. And apparently they've done this to everybody. They've been booking comics for months. Yeah. And then four days before they're hoping they're

open the following weekend. So they don't cancel everybody. And then four days before they hit everybody up. Mike Lawrence, Sam Morale, Sarah, Colin, I'm ash. You know, they didn't do that. I'm up there in May. You know, they didn't do the fucking Bob Kelly. It's eight minutes away from my house. And I did I didn't Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. Did you do Asian sex? No, you didn't do it. I just went to DC to do a new room. It was like the grand opening. And we tried the draft house. They opened it. I love those guys.

It's great, but we got there. It was like a fucking nuclear summit. We were in traffic. We get there. Toilets exploded grand opening weekend. So show got canceled. Wow. We had the show Saturday.

And they were great. Yeah, they're great club. I love those guys. Very nice, but the toilets. So theick was canceled Just what just Friday night, but Saturday you get paid up. Yeah, yeah No, we didn't get fucking paid. They are offering us anything this guy Frank fucking, Pelagrino this fucking bitch I don't know

My name is it's a drink. No, I know that Fucking Perry a pelagrino I'm fucking recording. No, peri-a, peligree, and all that stuff. Ranky Pepsi. Yeah, he fucking... No, but that sounds familiar. What? He booked a bunch of shows, like in West Asia.

Did he book the original Ha in the city? No. So this is a different Ha. But apparently it's the same owner, I didn't realize this. So it's the same owner that ran the Ha in New York. Yeah, which was literally considered the scumiest, most shitty fucking comedy club in New York City. Who didn't pay any comics,

they fucked up ripped off audience members, lied to people in Times Square. And all right, all right, now. What, yeah. What do you tell us how do you want? Why are you barking at me? I'm trying to get to the root of this. Okay.

I'm trying to help you with this. So you don't sound like a fucking asshole. No, I sound perfect. Well, they sound psychotic that they only cancel a week by week. Yeah. You know, they knew last week. That's probably because Sarah was-

That's probably because the tickets are gonna be sold or something like that. No, they're not open. So you blame it his- No, I didn't mean it's to be a dick. I mean, like, exactly. No, they don't, they don't, they already have this.

They're not open yet. They don't have a license to be fucking open and they're booking comics months out. Well, I mean- But you already knew, so this has happened to a bunch of your friends. I didn't know this until I got an email last night. Oh, okay.

Nobody will fucking say anything because comics are pussies and we're afraid of not getting booked on shit. So everyone sign up, but I'm getting messages from people privately being like, dude, good, I'm glad you're saying something. So I put the fuck, fuck this guy, fuck his club. Right, go my attack. Go my attack.

Go my attack. Chris and Stephanie don't do a proof of Lewis's go mess his message. Who was Jay going there? Are you working there? I'm joking. Yeah, now I am. I'm a book there in May, but I'm sure they'll get careful. They're going to kiss along.

Yeah, that's all right. Well, also, they booked me and the guy told me, and it's just insane. He said, two shows Thursday, two shows Friday, three shows Saturday, two shows on a Thursday in Yonkers. I mean, that's just bananas to me. I was like, okay, I'll take it. Put it in the book, that's what you say. I know the place, okay.

It's the Ridge Hill Mall, which is one of those brand new outdoor malls, you know, where they make it like a town, but it's not. It's actually a really cool place to go. They have nothing there like it. What? No, no, you're not supposed to be saying that. You just like the mall, they're probably talking about the cheesecake factory. There's a whole foods.

There's a one of the Brazilians that's going to be a lot more expensive than the one in the I'm not talking about the cheescake back. I'm not talking about the cheescake back. This cheesecake factory is a- We know, you know. There's a whole foods. There's a, one of the Brazilian steak restaurants. Oh, that's good. There's a lot of fucking, the Apple store. It's like one of the great- Apple biz. Apple.

Apple Uno. Fucking phone. Electronics. Steve Jobs. White. That store's bananas. Two for 20 Apple biz. KCD of burgers, the shit.

They got Dick's board. You gotD. of burgers the shit. They got Dixporting a lot of shit there, okay? Is it K.C.D. as for Brett? Yeah, it's K.C.D. as a good K.C.D. in a burger a guitar center a guitar center a guitar center is that it they have a Starbucks Oh, I'm thinking Starbucks right now I got one by one this whole Was that a deep was on it could have a jimbery? Here one important. They're a good one But they do have brand new condos that you could actually buy and they really you know them at because I'm a jimbery? Here what important? But they do have brand new condos that you could actually buy and they're really you know what they don't have a fucking comedy club

Yeah, you're right. Is it a restaurant? I'm saying that it's not a shitty place. No, it's a shitty fucking place I hope the whole mall burns down Do you like clubs that are in malls or now? Is that a perk or a bill? It's not the club. It's not the location where it's at, it's the people who run it. If they care more about chicken wings and the bottom line of fucking selling food, if when they name it a restaurant entertainment place, when they're putting the food first, it's kind of usually they give a fuck about the food and people buying food and drinks then you're a stand up.

But when it's a comedy club, some comedy clubs, I mean side-spspotters, I fucking love, and it's in a shitty, shitty strip wall. You pull up to this club, you like, you got to be kidding me. And then you do the room, and you like, that was a fucking blast, and people come. So it doesn't matter where it's at, really. But then, no, it doesn't matter how nice the mall is. You're not doing two shows on a Thursday in Yonkers. Well, they offered me, I told you what's the offer. And they offered me a Thursday,

Friday, Saturday, whatever shows I want. That's what they said to me. I could pick the shows I want. Yeah, which I, which was weird to me too. I don't. Like you got to do five shows. You can pick however you want to do it

across the Thursday. I can just pick one, two or three shows. Yeah, yeah. I just pick three on a Saturday, two on a Friday. You said no, because you know that we're going to fuck me over right now. I didn't say that, but I would have if yeah. So I just picked three on a Saturday, two on a Friday. You said no, because you knew that we're gonna fuck me over right now.

No, I didn't say that. But I would have if I knew that. I just didn't, it didn't make sense to me. Like I didn't know, I was like, I don't fucking, just booked me a regular club where I work Thursday, Friday, sat in, I go home. I don't know. What the fuck, I just made me feel fucking weird.

Like you want me to pick a, what? Like I pick a show. What the fuck is that? That didn't play right with me. I didn't know what that fight was about. I'll do a 3pm, a 4.15pm. What, what, who's gonna do it? Let's do a 5.30 Sunday.

If I pick a brunch. If I pick a one show on Friday, who's doing the, what's the next show? I picked the two on a Friday, three on a Saturday, so I could just get five done. I'm not fucking doing three shows on a set. That's ridiculous. I just figured out. I don't do three shows at size. Whatever. Yeah, of course I do. Oh, I don't do that. I can't do three shows. I can't. That's a lot. Three shows. Physically. No, I could fight.

Do you go almond milk or whole milk? I can't stand any more. He puts vanilla milkshake in his coffee. I just learned about half and half this month, and it's delicious. You're the worst receptionist I've ever heard of. What does, where have you been? I would get it black, you know? You don't watch the news. Bruce Jenner's been around for a while.

Oh, we got it. Jump in, Joe. Jump in, my God. Oh, my God. Jump in, Joe! Jump in, Joe! Jump in, Joe! A.K. The Truth. Thank you. I appreciate the Bob, those nice touch.

You're welcome. Fucking her piece. Yeah, my friend was over. I took a sip of her coffee. I was like, what the fuck is this? And it's great. When was this? Like, come on, Tha'Go.

Deepa, where are you going? Move in the camera. Okay. I'm monthly going to go. Deeper, where are you going? Move in the camera. Okay. Okay. Ah. Ah. A month ago you were having a half an half. Yeah. Yeah.

You're not having a half, I'm leaving. Ah. Before they were just quick. It is good. Omenville creamers good too. Try that. Omenville, not in coffee. First of all, it's not good in coffee.

Omenville is not good in coffee. You don't think so? No, I just said it. I want, I'll be right. It's not good. I hear it with Bob. And somehow as I put skim in,. You don't think so? No, I just said it. I want, I'll rewrite it. It's not a telling call of a better. And sometimes I put skim in and now that I've had this half, it's just like, skim for some other. That's a fuck, you don't need skim milk.

See, almond milk is processed milk. You don't want that. I'll tell you what you have. Almond milk, if you're gonna drink milk at all, I don't fuck with any milk. All almond milk, everything in my smoothies. Even if I have milk with cookies, it's almond milk. What about in the coffee though?

Almond coffee I do creme, I still do half an apple. Half an apple. A little dab. A little dab. A little dab, a little dab. I haven't tried it, but the place across your room in my house has macadamia nut milk. What is it?

Macadamia nut? Macadamia nut? Macadamia nut? Yeah. I don't know what it is. I was asking what it is. Is it macadamia nut? I think it's macadamia.

It's macadamia nut, that's macadamia. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut. Macadamia nut it macadamia not I think it's macadamia. It's macadamia not that's my Macadamia. I'm not even a Macadamian I would say you know what this is what bugs me about Lewis what we got to stop talking over each other. It's a macadamia. We're really doing that a lot today, but it's kind of fun. Dude, you're intelligence

bugs me because what compliment? Thank you. No, I'm not I'm not Kenya. Lewis knows how to spell. He knows right under the radar R.A. B.A. R It's macadamia Lewis is right about I don't I'm an example of me being smart. I'm gonna say this socially fucking is dumb as a puddle of mind Right, okay my favorite band

See but he he's he's fucking intelligent in a in a book smart type away. I disagree. I would. Look, what book are you reading right now? I'm reading Bonamick Farlands book. I'm reading Jacqueline Novak's book. That's fine. I want to read a book on suicide.

Fucking kill me. I'm reading David Ducupney's book. A Bucky fucking dent. That's the name of it. Bucky fucking dent. That's the name of it. Bucky Fucking Dent. That's the name of his book. Bucky Fucking Dent. Is it about the Red Sox?

Yeah, it's about that whole thing. David Ducopney? David Ducopney. I can't remember the Ducopney. Red Sox? What? Are you sure it's not another one? Because once I liked Edward Norton

and someone got me a book written by Edward Norton but it was about like science. No, no, Tim, it's about, it's about, it's about how he never knew that Bucky Dent was a hated figure because he grew up here in New York Oh here, but he it so I am reading this great book. It's called the tools. That's your phone Bob It's called the tools and it's a fantastic book. It's about Lewis and his friends I Know it was coming didn't I did I was trying to think of another person to say it about.

I had that puddle of mud joke too, but I sat it out because I was like, let's give this one to Lewis. That's a big one for him. It's a great book. Are you really reading Bobby McPhonics? I read that book too. It's funny. She's really funny. Bobby McPhonics is fucking fantastic. Why do you say it like that? What? You've said it like we were all like, oh, is she? Because she married Rich. like that. What? You said it like we were all like, oh, is she? Because she married Rich. Yeah. She's wrong with her. She also just gets hotter and hotter every time I see her too. She does. She gets his great. Yeah.

She really is. I wonder if that piss pisses Rich off. Why? He's hot. What? What? He's fucking sick. He loves that. So he's fucking shredded. Yeah. And he fucking loves Bonnie. Yeah. Like you know, as he should. Yeah. I'm saying, but if you're talking about it, and he fucking loves Bonnie like yeah, like you You know, I'm yeah, I'm saying but if you talk to me like he really fucking like worship better fucking hold onto that meal ticket Would you did a girl if she was would you did a comic could you do yeah, you could yeah, I'm kind of seeing a comic right now You are oh You are. Oh, whoo. Oh, whoo.

Whoo. I want to know. Come on, tell us. Come on, tell us. Tell us, tell us, tell us. Her name is None of your business. I know. I love to.

Do you think she's funny? Let me ask you this. Is her nickname crowd, please, though? Yeah. What? Let me ask you. Is she an open-micre? No, she's actually in the business like we wouldn't be no hard with she's she been on TV yeah, well she in the 200 percent

I'm not giving you any fuck more information fuck sucker. That is CSI this a little No, will you tell it later? I know it is I'll tell you on the break. Who is it? Shut the fuck up. I know it is. Who is it? I know it is. Who is it? Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up. I won't say anything. No, but I just want to shut the fuck up. I won't say anything. Shut up. But we're moving on. No, we're not. We're not moving on.

This is fucking your show. The shoes on the other foot now. You're usually the make everyone uncomfortable fucking bullshit Can I ask a question what why you use that color are you sick? What I totally like it glowing when I that's and I'm sweating I'm drinking coffee you definitely have John this yeah You a yellow dude your yellow I remember I just smoked cigarettes and my fingers would get yellow and I thought I had John This I didn't know what John this was. I just thought it was yellow skin

So I was telling everyone I don't know if I'll from the liver. Yeah look who's look who's smart now That was pretty smart. Yeah Chris D Yeah, but then he found out what John this was and now he knows and but I'm saying you work Anyways back to the fucking girl. No, there's not what do you want to say Joe? I said it's about you fucking neck. We're not talking about it No, I'm not I said I'm not gonna talk about my neck that has a soft gial cancer inside of it I Think it's says it's very telling about us or the host that being able to spell

Macadamia is you being like that guy's fucking book smart Fucking I will I Know Can I will I am a Napestasia If you could spell possession I'll give you $20 right now I

Know I Think there's two seas I think I think I think We got we got the tech There are two C's Lauren and Lisa I'm gonna tell I felt like a bomb H. Oh, can I give you an idea?

TACH Do can I give you an idea? He didn't know about this I know you're gonna talk about this Hey, joke about this You guys are fucking yapping over each other Nothing's more important I wanna ask you a question Really, I wanna just get back

Just get back First of all, yes, I am not book smart But I still know I love that book smart is the only smart by the way Knowing words and fucking... That's it You can't... Street smart?

Well, no, there's not street smarts I mean, a fuckingenter is smart. He doesn't know he might not know math or fucking English Well, different fucking house is pretty intelligent. I mean, you know if I fucking you got lost in the woods It's some guys washing the woods and build a fucking fire. Yes, smart and that's what I'm saying There's there's a fucking it's not just You can't just say somebody stupid because they don't have to spell fucking stash it. That's what's wrong with our school systems. What's that? They're both fired.

Just that. That they, you know, it's like you got it. I got excited that she was on my side. No, but of course, that's the whole thing with school. It's like you got to do this and it's like, yeah, but what if someone can't write but they can present something or, you know, or whatever, like, we have to nurture everyone's smart

since that have been like your an idiot. You find out what people are smart at and fucking push them towards that. or whatever, we have to nurture everyone's smart since that have been like your an idiot. You find out what people are smart at and fucking push them towards that. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's proven that most people don't actually learn properly from one person talking to 30 people. Yeah.

That's not really how people learn that. That's not just numerization. And math is hard. I like that at all. What is German? German class isn't German. They do them at bars or they have a class at like a restaurant. They don't sit in traditional classrooms all the time

and I think they go to school. I think also, they're also in school at 190 days a year. I think we go 190 and I think Germany is like 280. They go to school through the summer. They're way better off as a child. They go to school six days a week. The chill, I know that I saw once that,

that's the German child German 12 year old. There's this equivalent to an American 21 year old. I saw that one. That's yeah. I think it's fingers. Yeah, I think he's gonna move the journey. Oh yeah, whenever I host downstairs and I have to figure out when to time I always have to. Yeah, every day. Yeah, look, I don't fucking use math at all. I don't use, I mean, I don't know how to smell. Spell, I don't know how to fucking. I don't know how to smell, I don't know how to fucking, I don't know grammar at all, but. Yeah, commas are hard. I still fucking do, I can, I put up a fence this weekend. Yeah.

Well, it's so funny back in the day before we had computers, so auto correct everything. It's like you had to actually be kind of smart. Now, it's all just done for you. You don't need that type of intelligence anymore. Spelling, fucking math, all that shit. You really don't, and maps. Believe it or not, YouTube is so fucking amazing.

Everything I've ever done to my house or had done, I just went to YouTube, watched a couple hours of shit, and all of a sudden you just know exactly what to get, what to buy, how to do it. I would always rather pay someone than do anything. Well, I don't mind paying somebody, but there's nothing better than doing something. Does your wife have sex with her after? Expense. You know, that's funny.

I don't know if I should talk to her. It's okay. I gotta find my wife. I don't know. I'm gonna move on. I don't know if I'm gonna be happy. Come on, tell us. But do you build a fence and then get fucked?

Or it doesn't matter? Well, I have a kid, so it's more that my kid sees me. Oh, okay, I got it. You know, but it's actually cool when you, you know, little max grabs the gate and he's like, oh, you know, he helped me not really, because you know, he's not that good. You helped him.

But we, you know, I think it's good for your kid to see you building something. I can pay to have somebody put the gate up, but I think it's good to see him me out there all fucking damn much. You know what? If you're all like a fucking dresser from Amazon, you could pay Amazon to build it. Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah, but it's also probably better if you can't see as you build it. Really? Yes. Screaming and cursing at a fucking dresser. No, I mean, you probably don't want to do that, but you know, I mean, I understand what you're saying. You could pay somebody to do it and some people do that, but I think it's very important to do that, but you know, I mean I understand what you're saying You could pay somebody to do it and some people do that

But I think it's very important to to do that shit. I'm building them a treehouse. I'm gonna build him a fucking treehouse But it's like, you know, how do you do that? Just go and fucking you two But did you have skills to build before like did you have when you were a teenager? I have I am a this is what I will say. I'm good at. I'm a quick study on anything Um, and I I will not give up. I don't quit. I don't ever quit. I will say I'm good at. I'm a quick study on anything. And I will not give up. I don't quit. I don't ever quit. I will fucking learn it.

Quick drinking. Yeah, well, quitting to diet. Drugs? Ah, I could. Throwing hair out of your head. Yeah, I was fucking sucked. I was waiting for it. That was on my lips.

Yeah, was it? Fucking yeah, propitia was on my lips. It should be on your head. I'm kidding. I know. It's like a bullet hair. I know, it's like the bestcia was on my lips. It should be on your head Podcasts joking till they Google Chris and like wait a minute Chris is crazy handsome except from this angle his fucking forehead comes out I didn't you a half a yeah, I've I've bad side profile. That's always been one of my weaknesses. What do you mean? Let me see turn to the side It's like fucking the old man on the mountain in the Hampshire You remember like the bone dinosaur with like the ten inches of bone on the front of his head

Right, you don't know the name of that dinosaur Mr. Smiley pants the bronchias. Sores. No, that's actually that's to mean You don't look like that. I think you're good looking my side profile is brutal It goes nose to sternum because we know angle and look a beaceless bird She wins but you look like a canary cuz you yellow Just rush that out you canary feelings hurt and you spit one out dummy Canary yellow it is alright that wasn't the point It's not a canary. You're feeling hurt and you spit one out, dummy. I don't know. I don't know. It was okay. Isn't a canary yellow? It is. All right.

That wasn't the point. It was the point of my joke. It was factually perfect. Thank you. Yeah. I want to say I really like it. I didn't like it, but it was back. It was back.

I want to get back to this real quick. About him being smart, still. No, he's not comedy club. No, no. You should boy, no girl. I don't care about who you date. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't care. I, he's not comedy club. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. If you only get nervous laughter from everyone in the room, because they all fucking people are gonna fuck a pedestal. Nobody put, they just left it.

Yeah, I don't put a pedestal. I just don't casual giggle, it tickled me. Nobody put me on a pedestal. If you stop with that, nobody puts me on a pedestal. That was a bomb. Listen, here's it. It has to be a steelced pedestal. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER So...

Jopin' Joe! Jopin' Joe! Jopin' Joe! It's real hot in here. All right, turn the AC on. Take it off, God. Take it off, I'm sorry. What's wrong with you?

I just want to say a thing. All right, so let's fucking shut the fuck up. I got to say this. I want to... You of all people, I would just think that you would be a little massage in this thick about dating a girl on the same business. What if she becomes more famous to you? What if she gets more popular in the paypal?

Paypal, you would. I would write, yes. I wanna get into that. So you had that and did it really suck? Oh sure. Was it, why was it back then? Well, because she also wasn't good. That's what's that.

Oh boy. Wow. I just got it. I've been good. That's what's that. Oh boy. Wow. I just got fired. I think close. When someone's famous and not good, that always sucks. I love the way that. I love that she spit that out and she was expecting us to go, yeah, and we all went, what?

She went right. I like it was a question. No, for sure. I mean, she didn't do it for a while. And then she became fit. But when someone's not good We got it. It's on record So no, so you think no at the time you're probably a better stand-up than her correct?

Well, I don't know. I just say yes. You were a better stand-up than her. Yes But well, I was doing it longer for sure. Where are you a better stand-up than her? I'm the strongest ever because because I think that's a very subjective question because to her fans Absolutely not she would do Way better than me. I'm glad she cheated on you. I'm glad. I'm glad.

I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad.

I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm just trying to stop my own chat. So no, I think what it does is the problem we're having, it's the ego, especially as males,

so ego-driven in this. So I think when a girl's more successful, then you're stripped of my ego, and it was very hard for me to just be happy when I feel like a failure. But that's an opportunity to grow as a human. And get rid of that ego. Right, which I took that opportunity while I stayed on the tour with them. to grow as a human. And again, rid of that heat. Right, which I took that opportunity

while I stayed on the tour with them. To grow as a human. Yeah, and a lot of, and I feel good. And like some of the jokes that I was forced to write because, you know, I had to follow some tenacity like those jokes got on a half hour special and they got on the Seth Meyers show. And then when it have wrote them had I not, you know,

been to that. Yeah, but you're also like have wrote them, had I not been to that? Yeah, but you're also like, I mean, look, I mean, that was like a year or two where she kind of pulled ahead of you in terms of Twitter followers and fame in that world. But you were so, you're currently so growing trendously as a comedian. And you're also, you have a level of fame in your own.

So it's not like, if you're successful, I don't think you really give a fuck if you're dating somebody else who's successful as well. My plan isn't to just fucking stop here, my plan is to continue to grow, so I don't give a fuck how famous this shit gets. Right. Joe, you have a girl and you guys are in the same boat. You guys are both funny.

She's hilarious, you're hilarious, but does it ever become a strain on the relationship? Maybe so I mean I think it has at times maybe for her because I've had success Where she has struggled but and now she's getting more successful obviously and it's got to get I think really successful And we'll see what happens Does it make you nervous as a man? If you if your girl becomes more successful it has to go on the road and have to, and you get nervous that, oh God, now she's gonna find somebody better? No, but I can be a jealous, insecure guy.

So the idea of like people seeing her on TV and being like, oh, she's hot and her getting tweets or whatever message being like, you're hot and I think you're funny and hilarious. That's like a bummer, but. Really, you get jealous about that? Not a bummer, but like, it's a thing that you have funny and hilarious. That's like a bummer, but. Really, you could jealous about that? Not a bummer, but like it's a thing that you have to deal with and there's gonna be guys that, I mean,

I'm an insecure guy physically and, you know, so. So if you see a guy like, it's hard, you know. Of Chrissy D. Sock profile, Chrissy D. Well, not the front of Chrissy D. Oh, but both of you are side profiles. For my angle, these are discussing-looking men. I know, I agree with you on that.

I'm always, my scientists are always swollen. We stop, please. We stop letting him rip your gravely. It's like hot girls being like, but my knees are weird. And I'm like, I'm like, but I'm a good boyfriend,

so I don't think she's going to leave him. I'm very, she's very cute together. I am sorry. I'm sorry, what's that? We drove from D.C. last week altogether and you guys are very cute together. I am sorry. I was very young. What's that? We drove from D.C. last week altogether, and you guys are so cute together. Could you, do you have a boyfriend in the business?

I don't, but my ex-boyfriend was a stand-up. He was. How did you walk out? I was having a... Who did he, Chris Rock? No, I was, he's still in Chicago, but like, at the time, it was all fine. It was all fine. It was deeper.

And then once... Does people don't live in Chicago, so there's a bit of a whole thing. But like at the time it was all fine Those people don't live in Chicago so there's a bit of a whole Never know him yeah, he's like a preschool teacher now, okay Oh, so he saw he wasn't good as a cop I mean, he's still I thought he was funny whatever but after we broke up All of our friends were like oh, he was so jealous and competitive on all this shit And I never saw it. I was like what are you talking about? He was always so nice and supportive and then our friends were like, oh, he was so jealous and competitive on all this shit. And I never saw it. I was like, what are you talking about? He was always so nice and supportive. And then our friends were like, you're an idiot.

So I didn't realize it. Right. Yeah, but I should have broken up for it. Would you did another comic now? Do you care? Yeah. You would. Yeah.

Really? Well, yeah, because for me, it's like I need someone to be really funny and most like Joe Schmoman are the funny. I would love to meet a girl. My dream is to meet a girl. Meet a chocolate. I have these jokes in my head, but I won't say them. I feel like you can see me.

Oh, it's so much fun, dude. The meanest, but I never got off, because you had the sniper jokes. Can you do me a favor, though? I can hold the airs. One second, please. No, I'm not fixing them headphones. You look like you have a funny fucking You look paralyzed.

You look a DJ right now. DJ and Josie. Yeah, okay. But he, I just, I, he had a lot of anxiety and stuff. So before you get on, he was always stressed out. He was always like sweating, stressing out. He said to be like, you were great. You were fine.

Like he needed so much fucking validation. Yeah, that's a bit of bitch. You much fucking validation. And that was a big bitch. You don't want that. You want to fucking out for dude is gonna hold you down and fucking. Yeah. Why does everything get a fucking lead to you holding? Abusing women. Abusing women.

Why do you have to hold them by the neck to fuck? It's just the best. What? My ex, many of the problems that came up in our relationship because- Can I get back to my dream before you threw the chocolate on the tree? This is the only... You know what you're right, you know what I'm saying? This is the only show where the host says,

here's my dream and everybody else starts talking. LAUGHTER Well now I have all of these things that I hated about that I'm like, ah, this too, you know. Right. But when you had a fact that I gave, I inspired me. Can you imagine fucking MLK? I have a dream. Hey I what about that time?

What's your dumb dream that nobody really cares about obviously I Want to hear your dream and nobody gets my dream I want to hear your dream. And then also, I know what it gets to my dream. I know what it gets to my dream. 45 minutes ago, Liza was like, I'll tell you the most embarrassing thing and then we all just went bananas. I'm not talking about that.

You probably don't even remember that. Me being a bearer, I didn't know. We were talking about something in you all like, here's the most embarrassing. And then everyone went bananas. Okay, go ahead, we lost that part. The most embarrassing thing is like people that are offended by the word,

it just like destroys my spirit. Really? Yeah, women being like I would are like I know I worked with at a salon with a girl her boyfriend called her a con she broke up with him Why it was just crazy to me? Oh she was a customer. I've never called my wife a con but I have set If you throw something at me I'm gonna throw back no don't you'll hit the computer It's empty it's empty the joke you know fucking why are you I love it shut the fuck off She's a great woman your wife's your girls you don't have a girl Throw back I love it shut the fuck up. She's a great woman. You're white still girls. You don't have a girl

The mystery woman she has a gun Listen, I'm telling you shut up. What I'm saying is this you fucking over fucking stepper Stop laughing you you creep. What was I gonna say? You're dream, go! No, no, no, no, that wasn't it! But what is your dream? My dream's unhappened. Let's combine your two thoughts.

I'm your embarrassing dream. What was I gonna say? I've never called my wife the C word. But I've never called her a condo. But I said I've called her... You've never called her a dirty, slippery, and bitter? No, I say, you you will stop acting country. Yeah Which is the way of saying come but it's a country. Yeah, I mean you basically say

I'm getting sex did no is not what's not oh? What is your dream Bob? No You lost it. Come on, lost the dream. I want to hear by the dream. Come on, coach, dream. No. No.

Push out, dream. Oh, no. Please. No. No one gets by here. A sports bref a men. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I think it does. Sports cross the run. The bro. I just, I've never dated a girl with a hat shot. Ever. I've never dated a comic.

I've fooled around with two comics in my life. Tammy Petsca Telly. No, I wish. I think she's a fucking gorgeous. J. Davis. I'm Torgas and Dave. We were in the bus. I fucked this ass, dude.

No, I'm not telling you what it was. What was it? Rosanne. What was it, baby? She was a big girl. She was a pretty big girl. I would let Rosanne, like, you know, like, like, I have a liquor feet and smell her ass hole, you know what I mean?

I would love it. But it would be great if you could meet a comic, a girl comic that, like, was cool. Right. You know, I know you got a wife, but let's just go on the road together and we can fuck the shit out of each other. Yeah, that exists. And I'll never tell anybody as long as you let me open for you.

But that woman has a husband or a boyfriend, I think that could exist. It's even better. No, no, no, it's not. I'll take your wife. Because now with social media, her fucking boyfriend finds out then he's gonna ruin your fucking life.

Yeah, but no, no, no, no. You need a whore that nobody loves. If she has a husband, she has a husband, right? And I'm married, then it kind of fucking nullifies itself. If he finds her fucking text, because she's a fucking idiot and leaves her phone not under a pillow, not texting her on the road. Why am I, she's in the whole hotel room next to me.

I open the door, she's in a robe. I fucking, I eat that pussy. I'm next to me. I open the door. She's in a robe. I fucking eat that pussy I like that you have rooms that can join but also rooms that have robes Hilton hotel animal print room room room room room room. I think that would be fantastic That would be the dream and if she was made a chocolate My ex fucking I mean a lot of the problems was the fact that I was going out living my dream going out of me My social life was built just so delusional what you were the problem your personality was the problem no You're fucking argumentative your no fucking strong headed your bully

No, you're the skin tone of a Simpson Jump in, Joe. Jump in, Joe. Jump in, Joe. Did she have a passion? Is that her? Sort of. But not the same way that I have a passion. Like, she is, you know, I'm,

What the fuck? How do you say that about that? Because I have to do comedy every fucking night. No, but it's true. And I, oh, I have to do comedy every night. I have to do fucking podcast. I'm also a good job for you. You have to do that for me.

You have to do that for me. You have to do that for me. You have to do that for me. You have to do that for me. You have to do that for me. You have to do that for me. You have to do that for me. You have to do that for you.

You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you.

You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. You have to do that for you. that love what they're doing. A stylist and a comic, because then they're both passionate about their jobs and they're not gonna be able to work hard. But how great would it be to be on the road with a comic girl and you guys work well together. You know, both great, but you also just can fuck.

Yeah, but what an animation chip. What have you seen? You're not a relationship with this. No, you have relationships. You're fuck buddies. But that's what a relationship is. I talked about this before. A fuck buddy, that's what a fucking girlfriend is. A the chip buddy and we fuck. Well, what is a wife?

That's the same thing. It should be a fuck buddy That's my buddy Sarah's my best buddy and then we fuck right that's fucking bananas What's on the line of guys just have girls in different cities like different hose and different area coats? Here you go ludicrous. I did not rhyme Yeah, this is I said in a white way, but if you were black, it would rhyme. You can make anything rhyme if you're black. Now, let me ask you a question, Chrissy. Chrissy? Yeah, it's not. I like Chrissy. Chrissy. Chrissy. Chrissy. Like from now on, what's that? None of you have seen now in the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of the half of me run the boobs. Yeah, Christie was the chubby one who's dead now Oh, that's when you were the when you were the when you're on the road

And you guys when you're on the road and you guys were dating mm-hmm That must have been fucking amazing. It was good. Yeah, I mean you guys did you share a hotel room? Of course Yeah, so you guys were in a hotel room. Yeah, you have a sex. She's smoking hot right doing shows together Right, so you do the show did you ever get jealous though after the shows when you see guys coming up to her? Um, that's it. Did I ever get jealous? That's it. Yeah.

Well, if there's any guy watching Girl Code, he is a fucking psychopath. It is just gay. Because again, there was never single guys at the shows. It was always some girl's boyfriend. Really? Or gay. Or gay. Right.

So it was just you. No. So after the show, you guys go back. I've never been a jealous guy for some reason I never I know I've never I've never I've got a jawline. I've maybe I've gotten you know I've went through breakups and I felt pain, but I've never been like I don't know insecure about it Yeah, I don't know. I just feel like I don't like never I don't think I ever really get that close to to the girl But I'll great was it to do a show and then just go back to the room and bang. It was oh it was awesome

Yeah, it was fucking it was great and then it was not to have to put in that fucking effort no time Here in the hopes and dreams at some fucking wings play so you've been in a relationship for a long time But it is you build up all of these fucking girls right so you get a bunch of them So at one point you have five or six girls that you can just text to fuck right right? You know I'm saying so it's not like yeah, you know, I don't know Bob You're just not a play like me well back well, dude. I'm saying? So it's not like, you know, I don't know, Bob, you're just not a player like me. Well, back, well, dude, I'm married. I'm fucking in love with my wife and I have a child.

But back in the day, I did have that. You had a couple of girls here and there, all over the place. You know, but there were different levels too. Some of the girls were almost like, when you went to that town, that was my girlfriend. You were my girl. When we did, we went to dinner.

We had, you know, you stayed over. Some girls, you'd come and fuck me. Some girls were a mixture of both. You know what I mean? And then, you know, it was different all over the place. I had five girls in New York back when I lived here, when I first lived here. Five for each burrow dog.

I did a chicken's statin island. That was a fucking nightmare. She Italian with them. She was Italian. No, she was Spanish. She had me take a fucking boat over there. Yep. Those are last time I ever saw. Merr. Bye. Fucking bye. Fucking awful. Yeah, but I just what's that? Use the mic man. We got headphones on. They shouldn't be able to jump

in like this. She got jealous of you. Who my ex? Yeah my ex yeah jumping like that I don't I don't I don't really think so I don't think so I mean I think you know she was We're both focused on what on what uh what we wanted so it's weird They're both focused on Chris D on Chris D the truth is like since I've had my kid. I can tell you something happened I got stopped he just did a Chris Dick joke. Yeah. He was around so desperately for a laugh, too. Just somebody. I can't go. That joke did so bad.

Your hat fell on the ground. That was close, but he got a laugh. Well, I think a lot of people didn't see that his hat didn't fall. And it was great because it's a dumb Legion of Skanks hat. And it hit the ground where it's going. Awesome, guys. Legion of Skanks.com slash merch.

How much are those puppies? 35 bucks. 35 dollars. That's crazy. If you run short tank, they would say no way on that. Yeah, we get to go left. I will show you guys how much money we make off a merch. We're doing okay.

Actually, I don't know. Who are you raping people? The 35 dollars. 35 dollars. I don't know. Go to Legion of Skanks. Don't go in there. Don't go in there. I'm kidding. 35 bucks. It might be. $35 I don't know I have no idea can you check your email on the hand time out a fucking a new era fucking

uh... 3d hat that's how much they cost you buying that $40 hat. I mean if you buy a Yankees fucking Hey, the girl you're dating is she blonde? She's a blonde girl. It's none of your fucking Bison. Let me ask you question. She's bald. Can I do this? What? What? Kids I don't want to announce it. I don't want to say anything. We'll move on. No. Let me say this. No. Let me fucking say this. No. Can scober to show me what she looks like? I'm gonna find out after the show. Yeah. Let me fucking say this. No. Can Scobo just show me what she looks like? I'm gonna find out. After the show, yeah. Show me now.

I'm not gonna show it on a camera. No. Just let me try. They're $25. Oh, they're $25, that's it? $52 for a hooded sweatshirt. Yeah, yeah. I like the hood.

I actually have my, I like it a lot, yeah. You spend $52? No, I got it for free. Oh, okay. Jays did I stole. Oh, it's only $25 for this? That's a fucking deal. That's a nice portion.

They black history Montesshoots. That's cool. Yeah, thanks, man. Anyways, now that she's gone. No, I'm getting it. We just got a sexy. It's about her Lisa. You know Lisa. Yeah, well, let her come back before we talk about there is something very sexy about her. Yeah, there is she has confidence and her, she, yeah, there's something about you. It's not a voice, but everything is. I love her voice. I think her voice is great. You have good sex here. Oh, thank you. What's sex here? It's like her's hair.

It's like a skull. It's a sexual hair. What does that mean? It's a long, wide, it's wide, it's fine, it's adventurous, it's open, it's inviting. But you. A music party. You're married, you like hair.

You know, Jesus had great sex here. Yeah, it's six flanks great adventure here You Jewish yeah, and that's Jew Russian Jim what are you going to smell the seat you free? Fucking dirtball. I know you're in a dirty stuff. Chrissy date. I know you are you fucking dirtball No, it's gone. Let's talk about how hard his ex was Yeah, she's actually very pretty, but I mean it was in a quiet taste though. It's a certain type I did her but I follow her an Instagram Do you like girls too? I'm no, but if it's like a group stitch, maybe what do you mean a? What like if there's more you know, like a three or four

If there's an odd you going on you jump in yeah Molly I'll like do whatever so you're very open sexual Really? I don't You're fucking quips. What are you a bartender? You're the worst fucking doing. I don't have sex that often So if anything comes up, I'm usually usually down. So it doesn't matter to guys The last time I give you see that I've been a girl. You see you as an independent movie you made We're gonna give you scenarios you say yay or nay, okay?

two guys No, it's too much work. Okay. What if I live there and then you they fucking plow you in the throat and pussy? You're not my throw. I just let you get too much ¿Qué haces de la vida y luego de la gente que te explica en la mano? Y no me explica, yo me pongo. ¿Qué haces de la mano? Cuando he estado en un chavo de la gente y no me he estado. Es un chavo y un chavo. Sí. Hay dos chavos.

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¡No, quien... ¡Ah! ¿Para esar, ¿vámonos? ¡No, no, no, no! ¡Ah, sí! ¡Ah, sí! But I thought about it though. There was a fucking pause. Yeah, what the hell. What was the craziest thing you ever done, essentially, Joe? Like I'm talking crazy. Got herpes.

I mean, I had two different situations before. Two different situations where a girl showed up and blew everybody. We were all one girl. Where was that? Everett. So you're an every. Your wife's home town. Easy. I was doing something it ever it so you're an every wife's hometown easy I was doing something saying it's your wife's hometown. No, don't say my wife. Just say every you know what it is

I Not trying to disrespect your wife. It's a funny thing. No, I'm kidding. That's what happened. I'm fucking joking I don't know I don't know I'm gonna expect someone's wife. What was everyone then? What was girl's name? Don't say the name. Her name was Dorothy. Really? Yeah. Chiv Ray-Coozies. It was crazy.

This is, I'm going to tell the story on Ari's show. OK, great. Tell it here first. I told it before. I'll tell a abbreviated version. But we ordered strippers, me and my one friend and my other friend. How many people there?

Three dudes. Three guys. Thanks, Giving Night. How old? I probably, Ari probably doesn't want me to tell the whole story how old How old was the girl? Yeah, I don't know probably 20s maybe no, how are you? 25 is 24 maybe yeah, so you're 24 because I had moved here yet see your higher horse No, no, we don't hire horse. We hire strippers strippers and while waiting for the

That's a man thanks go ahead No, it's not really Really? You pay someone to fuck a stripper and dance around naked Did she suck you dick? No, that's not that's a horror Typically house call strippers will probably fuck you for the one month Oh well I was 24 I wasn't making the kind of money I could give to women to fuck me

Alright, go ahead So we were waiting for the strippers to show up then this random girl shows up and she's like is this where the party is? Wait a minute a random chick says this is where the party. Yes, the doorbell rings and we're like Oh, there it's the craziest fucking story ever yeah in my life the doorbell rings and we're like Oh, there's the strippers and this girl is like hey Raul said this is where the party is is this with the part and ever It's a fucking shady town. Yeah, so we're like yeah, this is where the party is come on up And she had a dog which it sounds insane her name up, but she had a dog, which it sounds insane. Her name is Dorothy, and she had a little

todo looking dog. Really? Yeah, she bought it because her name is Dorothy. So she bought a little. Do you think your name was really Dorothy? Oh, maybe she made that up. Maybe not. I mean, she was on drugs, I mean, she was a man.

Yeah, so she might have made that up. So she started hanging out, she's a maniac. Then the strippers showed up. When the strippers started stripping, she started stripping with them. Oh, it's so hot. What she is. What she is.

No, but she was like, uh, down like disgusting. She had down syndrome? No. Who said down? Down to fuck. Oh, yeah. That's why. DTF.

So anyway, so she started, then she started stripping too. And the girls were like, hey, where artists? We're not going to, we can't just strip with us. Fuck this girl, she's crazy. Oh, God. Yeah, whatever. And then she started like crying. Because She's crazy. Oh, yeah, whatever and then she started like crying If she's crazy, yeah, Dorothy

You could suck my dad if it'll make you feel like what was your music playing? I Don't think so they bring a boom box No music that might have been a boom. How fucking is it anything worse than a quiet a dance? Stripper with no music. They might have been music. I can't remember. Just hearing those high heels, click their hands to the music. I do a boom music.

All right, so they would play a music. He could play a music if it helps. And a fucking boom box to the store. That's a boom box. It's not bad. So I pass. Now I mean, 99% more. Ah, you dumb dumb.

So many books. Wait, was it eight years ago? Five beds weren't around the music? No, it was 10 years. It was probably 05. You had a JVC, a boom box box you all details that don't matter so you had a great that's why I left them out i've told stories before i did you do it on Tuesday sky it's Monday's with me now that's why okay

uh... so anyways marie i think i'm out and i just took a look we're gonna win this is crazy so they went in the kitchen they were chatting with my other buddy in the kitchen. So they took a break, a union. Yes, because this other girl was dancing all the way. Oh, they were in the kitchen, they have snacks, wheat, things. My buddy was hanging out in there.

Okay, go ahead. So then we're sitting there and then somehow or another, She's trying. She starts blowing me. Yes. Don't you think you just came out? She took my dick out. So she took your dick out.

She starts blowing me. Right. And my buddy's sitting where Liza your dick out. She starts blowing me. Right. And my buddy's sitting where Liza is right now. Like literally with this close, just like. Wait in this line. And then my buddy leaned in and said he has balls, you know, which was a wonderful moment. And then she started looking my balls, which was fun.

Right. But then if you think I'm nervous and crazy and gay now, this back then I was a fucking just a nut kiss. So I started to freak out. I still have a panic attack in the middle of it. Cause I'm like, this is crazy. I'm on drugs, I'm drinking. This one was blowing me just a nutcase. So I started to freak out. I still have a panic attack in the middle Look, I'm like this is crazy. I'm on drugs. I'm drinking this one was blowing me in my living room I got a bunch of Xanax. I was eating a lot of Xanax at the time So I was like I got I'm freaking out. So I went I ran to the bathroom

I was like you're gonna stop I run to the bathroom and I'm like splashing water in my face I'm like this is insane and then when I come back my buddies just fucking her and my other buddies like clapping No, don't Yeah, raw dog. Raw dog. Oh, wow. Oh, really? It's crazy. And then a random chick with a dog.

Raw dog and the dog. Where was the dog? The dog was there at one point. What was covered? Did you watch it? Oh. Then the dog was watching. And when the dog was there, looking at your boss.

And then she ended up blowing a pair of us. You sure the dog was in a a midget stealing all your shit But it was it was a wild night so that was probably crazy. That's the craziest night of your life Yeah, I mean there's other details in there that I'm gonna I'm gonna tease big shoulder. I don't want to get too many because I'm telling it on a TV show and I got her piece No, I mean I also have her piece. I mean I got quite a few stories I don't like this. That's the craziest girl I'm sorry when you shitting random girls showing up and sucking my dick while strippers in my living room don't forget the dog and there's a dog which later hummed her leg at one point which was on while she was sucking dick

Yeah, it was great. Oh, I know for cleanup purposes only sure, but the giz you are from Jersey. She's sure give it to her Lisa Lisa, I don't know why I said Lisa proud Lisa Lisa what what was your craziest thing? Actually one time went to this party. I started sucking Jolus dick Then he fucking came on my dog Well, it's a story of the year I think it was actually a year ago, but there were three people in the front row at a show at Caroline's, I was doing.

And then we went back to their hotel and did Coke and Molly and Fucks. Nice. Three women? There's two dudes in a girl. Wow. We went to Lilly's for a drink and then they're like, by the way,

we're all gonna do Molly and have sex. I was like, what the fuck? Look, I know what Molly is, I guess, but I don't. So tell me what it is. It's like, I know what Molly is I guess, but I don't. So tell me what it is. It's like ecstasy. You just feel like amazing body high warm and you just want to fuck anything and touch everything. Did you grew up in the city? I'm now suburbs of Chicago. And now when did you move here? It'll be two years in May. Two years in May. Do you have roommates?

Yes. Okay. So you have no family here. I have some bright and beach trash. Did you really have Russian? Okay, so you have no family here. I have some bright and beach trash You really are Russian You know and your family's back. Are you closer your family? Yeah, okay? You have a good fan not after the hit the podcast No, my parents are horrors. What do you mean? Their bodies for sex They just lived I mean they all were like married

No, but like, wait, no, but like my dad has all these old photos with women. I'm like, who is that? He's like, don't worry about it. And yeah, he was like a hot dude and my mom has like a son when she was 16. Like they're both kind of slutty. Like they didn't get married for a while. They were like fucked up. They were weird.

My mother had my system which was 15. So, you know, are you paying still together? Yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah, but they, I I mean they're nuts, but yeah, they still fuck other people I don't know cuz my mom has fake hips now. We had a stroke. I don't know what they're up to Struggle up. Yeah, you don't need fucking new hips if you're older people fuck the most of the highest rate of STD is going up amongst the elderly Yeah, cuz they the homes in the homes right because they don't work on them Yeah, but they're getting him from the fucking Puerto Rican guys, supposed to be taking care of them.

Yeah, fucking Louise. Can we just pause real quick? What, the racist bandana on that? You got the fucking chink dana on that one. Oh, no. What a racist. Stop kidding, it's not a chink dana. It is a chink dana.

No, it's a racist bandit is a chink dana. I have no. I refuse that. Can you get your color checked, your orange? Also, when I was younger, I had like, I liked to fucking public for like a few years. Really? I tell you, I'm the same way.

Yeah, I think of it with my eye, you fucking lunatic. Can I just say that she said my dad had a stroke and then Lewis said stroke of luck and it went unnoticed. You know, no, it didn't. It was a dog shit line. Absolutely, we did a stroke of luck. Sometimes it's so, it's sometimes when it's that bad bad we don't acknowledge it do you understand yeah I got to leave

one of those stroke a luck line but it's a piece of shit and it deserved to bomb Dana where is it it's over it over there no no it's on it no new rule new rule bomb can I get a new rule could you use it like the yellows you get proposed a new rule If they you don't get the bomb, Dana, and the moment that you bomb and other jokes have been said. You're the key. You're the main one that always goes back and it's like that one fucking bomb

and that's not here and left. Yes, I not know. But not another joke came. Not another joke came. I have this bomb. All right, here's bomb. Bomb, bomb, I'm gonna pass this rule. I'm gonna pass rule right now.

Yes, we will pass that rule after this one Now use the band-in to wipe the yellow makeup off your forehead It'll be back on his in 30 seconds If we have any stroke of luck How did you make that fun? What a horrible attempt. Oh really fucking canary you bag it If we have any stroke of luck What a horrible attempt oh really fucking canary you bag it what the Is the wards are not even human I was watching teen wolf your state remember teen wolf. This is seen when they say fag a bunch.

Michael J. Fox says fag in a movie. Really? Is that funny? That is now. Because I'm not a fag. Yeah, back then it was. Retard is better. It was funny.

Retard back. Jerry Lawler called Gold Dust a fag in like the late 90s. Yeah. Yeah, back then you could say fag. It wasn't. And you could watch wrestling. Hey, well, my favorite. Well, my favorite. Road warriors, let me ask you question

I said the N word and then he Booker T booker T. Yeah, harm heat to Hulk Hogan Well, I don't even want to ask this but you because I I think I know the answer I don't think you've done anything that crazy me sexually are you out of your fucking mind? What's the craziest thing me and big J double team to four and a pound girl in the closet of the comedy seller oh my god of the comedy seller yeah me big fat Lewis how did you guys say yeah we all fucking the you know that closet in the I do you know I mean you know I'm a

little jobs I got that closet what am I stuck in a fucking family did we double team you god damn it I walked into that one. I saw the like off of your fucking dumb head. Where's the closet? They lock it now because there's two more things. Back in the day, if you walk down the cellar stairs to the right, you don't even see it. There's a door.

And there used to be a chain with a key on the end of it. And when you man a chick, you'd bring her in there, she'd suck your dick real quick before you did a spot or what it would be between shows. Like every stretch. Yeah, how did I, I got blown, like as they're calling my name, I was jizzing in a group of mouth,

and I had a run on stage. They were so judges slowly, but they're so funny. Yeah. Late 90s, Bobby. I just, that's the one thing. Yeah, man. I don't get girls. I'll just blow someone not come. I don't get it. Why I just don't get it I would never just blow someone and not getting I'm just discussion all the time some girls like second dick. Yeah, I like eating pussy I love you to put it but not a rant just random pussy's if

I love eating pussy. I love eating pussy. But not a random just random pussy. If someone does it, I'm gonna get lost. I fucking love sucking dick. I mean, being pussy. I love it. Yeah, it turns me on to eat a pussy. If a hot chick was like, yeah, eat my pussy and that's all I want to do, I do it.

Yeah, I want to go to make me eat my pussy a little bitch. Yeah, and then she's pulling my hair and punching my eyes. Yeah, it depends, though. If the pussy, I don't want the pussy to be, you know, she's waiting tables for fucking double shifts. I'm not going down. Yeah, she's wearing tights for more than eight minutes. Yeah, I can't want the pussy to be you know she's waiting tables for fucking double shifts I'm not going to get tights. She's wearing tights for more than eight minutes. You can't Yeah, that fucking Dutch oven I'm not dealing with that If you have if you have nylons on to if you wear not if it's the summer and you have fucking nylons on I'm not going to your pussy

That's why I'm in by tights, but I fuck the check on top of a cop car once outside really yeah, where where yeah In the city, all right, well don't get mad at me for wanting details. It's a story. You didn't fucking mad where yeah, where? Yeah, it happened out in fucking Grammar see Grammar see yeah, so there was people I mean you're outside. It was like eight o'clock at night Everybody's around. Yeah, you're fucking at eight at night on a cop car. On a cop car. We just stick it in though, you really fucked. Oh, we fucked.

Does anyone here go to sex parties? No. You go to them? No, my friends are into them right now. I think I might go to one with them next month. No, but here it is. My ass sucks. I've like five friends.

I see me fucked from behind and they're like, what the fuck is that? I'd go to a sex party if it was like people older than me then i'd feel at least comfortable but i'm not going with like fucking young people that was crazy in the last two weeks i've had so many friends just be going to sex parties i think sex because back in new york back in the day in the eighties in the nineties early nineties sex was crazy in new york city they had all the sex clubs, the vault, all this weird shit.

Like the meat-packed in the district was all fucking dirty shit. The vault, you go there. I remember there was a fucking, just a chick dropped her knees and started just sucking cock. Right. And it was like a fucking frenzy to get over, to get your cock in this girl's mouth.

And then they broke it up Like and then just guys scattered to see have napkins around the wife's and shit like it was a crazy place But then it all went away with Giuliani Cleaned it all up and then Bloomberg of course now, but I think it's making a comeback It definitely is right what was the craziest thing you have in them not too crazy right? Sexually no fucking fucking your act wise sex You have a not too crazy right? Sexually? No, fucking fucking your act wise. Tell me some new jokes. Sex, I don't know if it's crazy. I mean, I've had three some with Australian girls.

Oh, I had sex with Miss Puerto Rico. Really? Yeah, that was crazy. Like, that's actually, that's awesome. That's crazy. Well, I don't know if I've had anything crazy. Like, I've still never had anal sex. Like, I've never done it.

You've never been fucked in the house. Give it or received. You've got to put your legs up by your ears. Yeah. Um, no, yeah, what year she would I don't know. I don't see don't know, but I you never fucked a girl in the butt never I mean, it's Italians like we couldn't do it. It's like you put it's like you have to stay away from the butt Dig the coolie. You gotta stay away the coolie. You never had your butt taken. No, get the hell out of there. I haven't can't do it. Bye Never had your butt taken. No, get the hell out of there. I have a can't do it. Bye Never had you but take it. What about you Joe? I've had anal sex not in my butt, but it was other women stuff putting your butt. No, I'm not into I've had a finger in Medically, well, but you I have it fingers in my ass. What else never?

Dude, you look down into the left something else with your butt. Okay fucking it to the left, something else going your butt. Okay, fucking NYPD blue. What went in your butt? Finger, that's it. Never, like a dildo, you know, you can do that, that's crazy. I only, I really, I don't even like a finger on the button, unless a girl really, really knows how to do it.

Now, if you talk about it on this show, it's like if a guy doesn't have to finger pussy, it's gonna hurt. The same thing with a girl, she doesn't have to figure your butt properly, she's gonna hurt you. I had a girl wanna fuck me in the ass. And I agreed to it.

Oh boy. And then I backed out, we got no fight, because she wanted me to buy it. And I was like, I'm not fucking buying it. You buy it. And then she was like, you know, I agreed to go half-seize.

Right. You dig the hole. You're gonna dig the hole. And then she goes, I was like, well, you get the right one. Like, you get the right one. She's like, I'm gonna get the one I want. I'm like, you get my dick or smaller.

You don't get, you don't get your dream dick. Don't make me small. This is my asshole. And then we got to this big fight. And she was like, well, then fuck it. I'm not even going, don't get it. This is, I didn't want this. I want, you know, I wanted you fucking sister

to come in and hang out. I didn't want to fucking get, I was just being a team player. It just seems like gay guys are constantly having enema, that seems like a lot of work. Well, you have to clean, yeah, you have to clean your, you can't, you don't want to, you know, all the point starts on Twitter, or is enaming. Well, yeah, you don't want to,

Well, that's supposed to be Dix in your ass, it's bad for you. Yeah, why? Yeah, it's not designed for Dix. Yeah, it's not designed that way. It's not that lining, that's why you always bleed so much, that's why the HIV goes crazy in the gay community. It goes crazy. It's how much blood you're gonna see the actual bunkers because of the you're not supposed to have a dick in your ass. No, you could you should have. You put some like me like I know I know I'm pro gay rights,

you know, I mean, they should be able to do all the day, but like it's not you're not supposed to have things go into your asshole. Yeah, I don't know if you're not saying that. The body's not designed for it. The body didn't plan for that or whomever. I wonder how it feels to get a dick in your butt. And then, I mean, does it feel like a- I was at brunch with the girls Sunday and one of the girls loves anal. She can't get enough.

I mean, I feel like announced that the guy she's seeing now is into anal too and she's like super pumped. Yeah, I've heard of girls that love anal. That's what she calls it. I've had girls that like anal fucking better than me fucking them in the pussy. I mean, I mean, some girls, I remember, I do this one girl who I knew as a child. It was like one of my first kid girlfriends. And then I met her later in life when we were like 1920. And all she wanted was to be fucked in the ass. And you fucked her. Of course I did. I had sex with my kids.

I was like, I'm not a kid anymore. I was like, I'm not a kid anymore. I was like, I'm not a kid anymore. I was like, I'm not a kid anymore. I was like, I'm not a kid anymore. I was like, I'm not a kid girlfriends. And then I met her later in life when we were like 19 20. Yeah. And all she wanted was to be fucked in the ass. And you fucked her. Of course I did. I had sex with my kindergarten lunch monitor. I forgot about that. You fuck her in the ass. No. What do you mean? A kid? Well, when she was my lunch monitor when I was five years old in kindergarten, she must have been 21, 22. And then when I was 18, she was her kids were at the basketball clinic I used to coach

at the local parish that I went to that she was my kindergarten I'm on her and I fucked her in the What? whistle No, yeah, she's she yell. Yeah, she's still hot. She's hot. She's my tuna fish She was hot. Yes, she's a milk really. Yeah, and she's did she remember you of course? So she remembered little Chrissy she remembered me little she's known my mother since before I was even born She knows your mom every yeah, my mother ever found out she would fucking you just send it on a fucking. Yeah, but I didn't say the name

There was a few kindergarten lunchmothers. Yeah, but we know the one Yeah, that's and the one that's also friends with your mom yeah, the one's friend your mom. She's friends my mom's friends with all of them still But why's your mom friends with somebody watch my Lonely woman. Yeah, what's your mom though? Jesus I found out I remember my gym teacher who was smoking hot right fucking ridiculous hot in Sixth grade. What was his name? Oh, my am it. I was coming in I have nothing tonight I'm sorry if I do

I have nothing tonight. I'm sorry. If I do, maybe we stop. No, no, no, no. You know what, Joe, these three songs show, I apologize. I apologize. Apologize anybody. Every time you do a fucking show with me, you always judge yourself mid-show.

I'm sorry. Christy, on the record earlier in this episode saying, not an insecure guy. There you go. Stop. Yeah, maybe you've fixed your headphones. You won't feel so corrupt. No, it's probably does have some to do with my headphones,

but it's too late. I feel like I'm already down by 40. There's no way I could come back. I'm just done. You got this. I'm done. No, I'm gonna just keep it low energy. I think you've had a couple of good ones. No, I've had nothing.

Well, you're an asshole. You're an asshole. I'll turn it up tonight. You're an asshole. You're doing great. You're a much better comedian than Lewis. I don't agree with that, Lewis. What?

I think you should fucking weigh better comedian, Lewis. Not much. Anyway, I was talking to everyone. I have a Louis. Louis said, Louis gets you. He'll scream in your face. But if you get hit, me just stares at you like, why would you do that? Well, I just take a hit. He didn't get me. Who didn't get you? Fucking, fucking asshole right here. Asshole jump and jump. Jump and jump. I, I, the, the, the, the the white the do shit. Oh, you're right.

The gym teacher. Are we good? Yeah, do we lose everything? No, we're good. The gym teacher, we have like three backups. The gym teacher this most smoking was fucking my uncle's friend. I remember who come in and visitor like during when we'd be out to do a jump and jacks. I never thought anything about it. A couple of years ago, I saw him again, I go, dude, remember when he used to hang and he goes,

I would go in there and fuck the shit out of her. I go, well, all you guys were out there doing your little jumping jacks, I was eating their fucking asshole, sticking just plowin' around her desk. Oh my, could you imagine as a kid walking in on that? How hard your dick would get? Yeah. Oh god. I don't even know how you wouldn't even know what was going on. I don't think you would have understood it. Yeah. Sixth grade. Yeah. Yeah. Sixth grade. Yeah. I'm sorry. Sixth grade. You would have. So he's cranking him out. I don't remember a time not knowing what sex was. Like, for as long

as I remember, it was like four or five years old. I knew it. I wish I didn't learn sex as early as I did. I thought I was belly button button when I was in like kindergarten first grade I thought the belly button was sex right I thought you fucked someone in the belly button because my dick was the size of a belly button hole Right, right you were like When I first started masturbating I would rub a pillow up and down on my dick And I would never I still don't go like this. Yeah, I don't need it. I do it I do a lot of tips and thumb. Yeah, I do what do you do? I have a thumbprint in my cup dude. I fucking I use lube. I can't do it no lube need I do it. Why do you run tips and thumb? Yeah, I do what do you do? Yeah, I have a thumbprint in my car. Dude, I fucking I use Loub. I can't do it. No Loub. I do no Loub.

I can't do that sucks. Yeah, do I use fucking lotion and then I fucking I and go for whole dick and I go up and I'll come in five seconds I will come in five seconds thinking about me jerking off Weird on circus on circus. I know when I I say get mad. That's why I say it Jesus you sell it why would it's not an accurate fucking joke copy did not Yeah, they are he's way better than me a comedy I Have a big purple thumbprint Does anybody I wish he did do it I fucking smash him in the back of the head with this

I'm pretty on your dick from your New York robbed it off Hmm, but I should doctor Steve told me that I could pop that little fucking Oh my dick goodbye. Did you pop it? Oh, pop it. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, I got it. Oh, it's in a black head. No, it was like just a little white bump. Yeah, I forget what he called him But did it get the inside of the thing like cheese? No, no, I'm serious because that's a that's a thing that's I forgot what that's just a bump But it smells that it doesn't smell it was yeah, it's almost like a pimple, but I just went I don't know I jerk off I don't I do this I do this I

Grab the whole thing dice. Yeah, I do dice. I do that. You make of a giant a No cream like this. I can't jerk off on the shower You make a vagina with your hands My I have so picture have an erection you make a best difference So yeah, it's right here and then I rub like this So my face is coming up and going this way and then when I shoot it it shoots up That's what probably left you buddy. I'll let me ask you question you jerk off with the fucking palms of your hands Yeah, like straight. Yeah, and you make a pussy and you fuck your palms because when I first started

jerking off I was rubbing the pillow on my dick and that habit never changed I never got into this wow I can't do it you always have to be laying down wait when you jerk off on a girl's face is that the way you do it no that's a good call but by the time you're about to jerk off on a girl's face your the commas or you can do whatever you know fucking awkward that be hang on one second. I'm gonna come and he lied out I said he made a pussy with his hands Just a crazy Rubbing out like yeah, I'm coming on a girl's face a little bit disrespectful on the crazy you don't like coming on the girl's face

No girls like it now though wait me now. No, they didn't like it Well, the girls in the 70s pornos. I was watching with porn now Okay, it's it it's that our fingertips at all times So now girls watch porn and that's a regular car. It's been a regular Forever every stop saying girls like it now like you have stats. No, I don't think they like the 20 years ago The same girl Every porno in the 70s and 80s Born fuck face. Yeah, I'm talking about girls in real life.

Born. They see it real life. They see it more. He's saying they say no, no, we reflect porn. Oh, they see it. Buddy. I'm telling that. That's not saying buddy. It's the same thing. I like saying body. Buddy. I'm Jamie Masada. I'm laughing. The LA body. Body. You do good. Body. You do Puerto Rican body. Listen to me. They. Girls have loved you. You look at that. Born. born. See if it grows like girls getting what is it? Facials. No, don't look it up. Look it up.

No, you know what? We don't like it. You don't like it. No. Well, one time someone you don't like it. You know what the fuck of your eyeliner is coming to face.

What's your policy? I'd rather someone come on my tits. That's not the letterless say that again. Bob, that's not the, let her say that again. Bob, that's not the question. The question is, are more girls letting guys come on their face now than they were back in the day?

And I guarantee yes. Oh, probably yes. I would agree with you. Yeah, I would say. But I don't think that doesn't mean they like it. I disagree. At first, I don't like doing it. I'd rather come away and, you know, I don't like it either.

I feel uncomfortable asking the world to come on our face But I've had way more girls ask me to come on their face now versus 10 years ago or 15 years ago I'm not sure if it goes in there pussy That wasn't an accurate joke Bob They leave and he's shaking his head and he laughs at everything He's still worse. They leave and he's shaking his head and he laughs at everything. Lollipot, that's guy. He's shaking his head because he's retarded.

He's not retarded, dude. Stop saying he's retarded. What? He's not retarded. He's fucking. That's a nice kid. He's a nice kid. See the face he just made. He's excited to be here, man. Have you ever fucked a retarded person?

Oh boy. I got a hand job by a slow girl. Yeah? Yeah, she was retarded. I said? Yeah, she was in retouch. She's just, I said she was, she was kind of a chubby girl slow. She used to follow me home from school. And one day I let her follow me into the basement

and jerk me off with lava soap. Remember lava soap? Yeah, sure. Oh, it hurts. Yeah. And I remember she was jerking me off. And I saw my, I told the story, knowing, hey, I saw my mom and my aunt pulled up.

And I ran because I was going to get in trouble. Sure. And I said, I'll be right knowing hey my I saw my mom and my aunt pulled up and I ran because I was gonna get in trouble Sure, and I said I'll be right back and I went upstairs and I fell asleep on the couch And I remember I woke up at eight and I opened the tornado door and she was just sitting there cold I was fucking I was like it's like a kid. I didn't fucking know. Oh my god. I wasn't like I was 28. I was a kid. I didn't have a job.

What the fuck? I didn't know. But the carelessness that you could just fall asleep. Buddy, I was tired of school. You're a psychopath though, because you have no... Wait, did she just get there waiting staring at you? She could open, how about this? Have some fucking common sense and open the door.

She was slow. She was slow. She wasn't re, she wasn't slow. She was like, not what she do now. I don't know. But we're actually fucking home depot selling doors. Whether whether you're golf's biggest fan or just ready to try a new fantasy sport, you can play one week fantasy golf for free. Every week at draftkings.com just pick six golfers before the tournament tees off, stand to the salary cap, and rack up points for streaks,

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Live. Live. Yeah, that's great. Who's on the show? We got Lewis J Gomez Joe list Dan Soder and maybe special guest maybe a special guest. So that is podcast live 930 at the cake shop tickets are on our Twitter Facebook and Instagram. Yeah, make sure you find it with it If you see the link tweeted out tell everybody what else we got if you want to send something to the show

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He's such a big guy. All right, big guy. He's such a big guy. All right, we're back. So here's the deal. Everybody's on their phone. That was a long golf chat. Yeah, that's one of our sponsors. Travel King's actually been very good to this show. So I'm very happy to have him as a sponsor.

Hopefully we get in there a few more soon. I heard that Louis CK. Now you are on Louis CK's new show. What's it called again? Horus and Pete. Horus and Pete and I didn't see the I actually I'm gonna actually binge watch I think this weekend I don't know if it's like for sure, but like you're gonna cry. Goodbye. It's pretty dramatic. Is it really? Yeah. Well some of my friends who've watched it call every set They're like why was crying the whole time? Well, some of my friends who've watched it call every set that are like why was crying the whole time?

Well, I heard him at Stern yesterday. Yeah, and he's fucking he's so fucking brutally honest About everything he's he said I he has no money Yeah, but he has money he has money, but not the money you would think Louis would have. He actually said money's not a thing. It's just something he uses to. I agree with that. I would rather buy stuff, create stuff, go out, then have money saved. Really?

I would always rather just go see food. Well, that's easy to say when you know you can play Madison Square Garden. That's him, but I live like that. I don't know anything. But there's some people who value money, relationship, whatever you value in life. But I would rather buy like makeup,

hair, go on, you know, go out to dinner. I'm sure he's got, I'm sure he's got stuff like he's, he's got money where his kids will be all right. And then everything else he probably doesn't care about. But I don't care about money when he has tons of homes and like, yeah, lots of, here's two homes. That's ton. Well, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here's two houses one over here, which is beautiful brown. And another one on Shelter Island, which is not, and he has a fucking 45 feet. Joe said that.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, he mentioned your name. Yeah.

On how it started. We texted. Oh, really? Yeah. What did he mention? I texted him. What did you say? I said thanks for... the mention what did he say about you on he said that's a lot of the idea said it was great joe joe called me up he was like uh...

i'm going to be invited me out on his yacht uh... and i was like that's great and uh... then he goes on the shows with them on the island and you took the boat out right uh... you want to know the boat so you take the boat all about the shelter island it was a thanks giving by the way this a way cooler story than the fucking strippers by the way forty eight degrees i don't have sex with him

well you told me the story was fucking awesome and he made your sandwiches they made sandwiches they're sandwiches right yeah it was amazing and then you you you you got explosive you did one show i had the noro virus it was horrible and you were on his boat? This is actually we got off the boat.

We went on the boat, we spent the day with them, we watched comedy, we watched like Old Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor video stuff at his house. At his house. How's the house? It's great, it's beautiful. It's a big old house, you know. It's like a 1918 house or something like that. He's got this beautiful 45-foot teaky ass.

But we didn't go on in that. We went on his little beater. Oh, you did? Yeah. He called me one day. I met my house when I lived on a 47th street and he texted me, hey, I know this sounds gay, but do you want to go on my boat?

Do you want to go ride on my boat overnight? And it did sound gay. You know what I mean? I was like, I was like, I mean, I didn't understand. I was like, gay. You know what I mean I was like yeah but yeah I mean I'm gonna like what and I told my wife I go hey Louie just asked me to go on his boat for an overnight trip up the Hudson and she's like go and I was like really you can do that. You wouldn't go because you thought it was too gay. I just didn't know it's not that it was gay, but I just he was pretty Was gonna capsize the boat Laugh I'm just I just didn't think it was

Thank you bro Tell cuz there's a mouth And it was just me and him on this fucking huge boat and we went up the Hudson all the way up to West Point, pulled over somewhere, docked the boat, and then he made this rice and beans. He cooked dinner, we talked comedy, he's so fucking interesting, he's such a nice guy,

he's such a good mentor, He's such a good mentor. And then we went to bed. And does he have two bedrooms? Yes. There's two bedrooms. No, there's two bedrooms. He has bunk beds. No, no, no.

You're insane. I get to have bunk. Chris is here, everybody. Yeah. Hi. Hi. We. Hi.

Hi. Hi. We. Oh, we, uh, uh, so yeah, he, I slept in this other little bedroom. He slept in the main cabin. And then we woke up the next day and fucking came back. Wow. What you guys have for breakfast? We had a coffee and I don't know, something. He just stopped about with food.

He had shit. Yeah, food, but then it's like, but then, you know, you know, you don't know something. Whatever you had. He just stopped the boat with food. He had food, but then it's like, but then, you know, you know, you think you connect with somebody like that. You take a boat trip up the Hudson overnight. You know, you find that he's bringing everybody. Joe, that was you. But I was like, I'm gonna talk to you later. All right, I'll see you later.

And you're like, okay, it's like you think you'd talk that weekend, right? Like you'd, hey, dude, what are you doing? Wanna go on the boat? You know, hey, I got a car. You wanna take a ride? I don't know. I don't know.

Something. You want it more. Well, it's not that you want it more, but relationships. The one thing I learned about Louis is that relationships are all different. And, you know, like you make friends with people and that's your friend, you know what I mean?

And you talk to each other, you see each other, and you do things together. And I think comics, and we know it, I think that you won't see each other for fucking six months, and then you're still best friends. You can't do that with civilians. You know, regular people are like, do you ever call me and fucking,

it's like that's our lives. But with Louis, you kinda want him. You know what I mean? I mean, you're best friend. I mean, did you find that when you were talking? Yeah, like that's our lives. But with Louis, you kind of want him. You know what I mean? I mean, did you find that when you were talking? Yeah, I've become pretty upset. I mean, I just, he's so smart and kind and just watching him on set. How he directs, how he talks with everyone. What he creates.

It's just beautiful and thoughtful and awesome. Yeah, it's, it was great. It was the greatest gift of my life being on that set. Yeah, yeah. Where does this rank? The show. It was the greatest gift of my life being on that set. Yeah, yeah, where does this rank the show? It was pretty fun. Yeah, I Was supposed to hang out with my friends baby today, and I was like, I guess not and then well no, I think it's on over It is like when I did Louis

It's it's one of the greatest things like it is almost like a gift that he put you in and he was saying on stern Today that like having actors You know with actors you have to keep telling them how great they are. With comics, you have to tell them, look, man, we gotta get this fucking shot. And they're like, I'll fuck it. And then they just get it.

That's the mode they're in. You can't, you know what I mean? That's so funny. That was one of my favorite days on set. It was the last episode. And he was just like, Kurt, you will never work again. No one's gonna watch this and hire you. So you better kill it, because this will be your last time acting. And we left and then Kurt fucking killed it.

I can't believe you said, yeah, that's so perfect. We can put that together. I think, and it's weird that he did put all his money into this. And another thing that I admire about him so much is I really feel like he sees the best in people and is able to bring it out. Yeah, he really does. And trust people and just it's awesome.

Yeah, but he mixes the worlds that never mix the fucking greatest actors of what we have out there right now of our generation. And then he takes these comics that are at the fucking seller or hanging out. Well, it's also like legendary comics and then baby comics. Yeah, he takes, but everybody he'll take comics and just give you an opportunity to To act and he knows he can fucking get what he needs out of you So if he picks you it's for a reason I think because he sees something that you could do and he knows you could do it Yeah, yeah, I think the shows you know the first episode I saw a couple pieces of it. It's totally not Louis

No, it's totally not Louis. No. It's not Louis. So it's almost like if you think you drink a milk, it's orange juice. Well, it's also not like anything because it's a lot, it's like a stage play. We shot everything like as a play. So if you fuck up, you got to keep going. And it's, it's really revolutionary.

It's different. So you can't, there's no stopping. No, he would get, it would be, it's not a good thing if we had to stop. Did you have to stop? I didn't fuck up, but I didn't have that much. But, or if someone like, like, flubs, you just keep going. Or you would gotta make it up. Or if someone forgot a line, like, one of us would have

to jump in and try to keep it going and improvise. Cause he wanted it to be one through shot. So, when they yell action, they went from here to an hour. Or was there a break? No, no, cause it's act one and two or whatever But yeah, it was just like all the way through That's fucking nerve-racking Yeah, and he's sometimes there would be close-ups or pickup

But it was mostly just like four times through everything and then we're done Yeah, cuz when we even shoot the show that I'm on and you probably know this or what you guys have done stuff when you're doing your lines You've never acted on TV? No, the plumbing wasn't ready. What did you say? I said the plumbing wasn't ready. It was a reference to the hot thing that we started with. You're so great on that show, but you've acted before or now.

I've acted before, but you're doing on that show is way different. Even on sex drugs, you're saying a line. I told you I can't be there. If you're like, I told you, you stop, pause. I told you I can't be there. If you're like, I told you, you stop, pause. I told you I can't be, and they'll edit, they'll just find that edit point and put it in. And put it in, huh?

What is sex drugs? Sex and drugs in rock'n'roll. It's a failing show on television. It got picked up for another season, right? Yeah, I know, because he's a fucking idiot, that's all. I'm a little chilly. Yeah, we'll turn the AC down. What, you're a fucking hoodie back on.

I'll drop this up. This fucking, anyways, he's hoarsing.'re fucking hoody back on. Let's wrap this up. This fucking. Anyways, Horst, he had a great interview on How It's Turn. As far as comics go, it was fucking awesome. I suggest listening to it because he really does put money in a good perspective. And he mentions a lot of great comics in his interview. He may, may one. Oh, well, whatever.

Uh-huh. Yeah, I run out of here. Can I plug a show real quick? Yeah, please. May 13th, Legion of Sanctuary presents Luis de Gomez, Dave Smith, and Special Guest Dan Soder at the Detroit Hustler Club. Detroit. Is he really a special guest? Special guest, yeah. Yeah. Okay, he's in billions.

Hey, special. Well, he's also one of the favorite guests of Legion of Sanctuary. You only come on once, Bob. You need special guests. I have it. But you you're too busy. So let's come on again. But I invite you fucking all the time. We weekly, weekly, weekly day of literally. Can you do Legion's

gangster night? Well, we get a one and I say, well, I work at night. You tell you we pay you to be sure on like this. Yeah, when it's get sound. Listen. This is where I want to have I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it you not like it? I hate it. Why do you hate it? Cuz he can't yell faggot. Hey, who the fuck are you? Say it in the mic. He can't relate. Oh, what's up? Non-acted bitch. What's up? No gigs. Why do you let them talk? Dude, he fucking had the fans and I let fans know that's what the show is about. That's true. The show is about fucking everybody. That was caught on people on their fans. Can you take this with you? Do you want to take this with you? I'm not gonna.

When are we ending or you're just leaving? That's leaving. He's got it. He's going to host the end. There's something we got so rushed and I got panics. You'll find Baba. He's got to go host the ending. Show me show.

See you later. Bye. Bye. They asked me to do it with them, but I wanted to be loyal to the show because I care about you and this show. Thank you, Joe Man, I appreciate it. No problem. It's a little bit called loyalty. It's no big whoop. All right, we're gonna end the show anyways Oh, cuz Lewis is leaving. No, I'm kidding. I This is the time to get a cooking we can get our thoughts out and everything

What do you well with TV? It's different you can take a you're not supposed to take any you're supposed to nail it Yeah, but they do so many different angles a two shot a wide shot a close-up You have you kind of gonna know when you're What do you say it's always a wide shot for Bobby That's fun. That's fun. That's nice. I'm gonna walk out of it. Don't do another one I wanted to keep him here so he would be late for that show because he's so dumb he won't even realize

that he's still talking here. But we were actually talking about show business though. We'd have to talk about something else. Not like podcasting to keep him here. But yeah, you get so many different shot takes with that. And they'll cut, you know, cut around you. They can make a, with that, when they can edit, they can make a, you know, it could be this show

and they can make it a totally different show just by the takes they have and editing So it's different to do what you did to do that type of thing. That's nerve-racking to me That's like old that's like that four camera shoot Sick calm with a yeah, but it's even worse because they go through the hole He does like a half like a half a half a half a half a half a half a right straight. Yeah He does like a half, like a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half,

a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half,

a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, a half, half, a half, a half, half, a half, I think, to have a big monologue, to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you're waiting and then to say your couple lines is almost a little nerve wreck because you have to be living while all this other shit's going on. So you have to be sitting at the bar, living, doing shit that you'd be doing, listening to the conversations,

and then coming in at that moment and making it fucking real, I think it's a hard thing to do. Yeah. I don't know. Everyone was so good. I don't know. That wasn't the hard part.

We're going to end the show. I'm sorry. I ruined everything. No, it seems like it was a good thought. I tried to listen. I was trying. I was going to have to listen. I was trying to look at what I was saying.

I was trying to look at what I was saying. So how many guys have you been with it? Acting is reacting. True. Yeah, that's a good one. I read that somewhere. Anyways, all right, let's wrap this up. Why did you get so disgusted with me?

I didn't, I was joking. It was, I'm like this guy, I love you buddy. I don't want to end on the sad note. We're not going to end here. Buddy, Bubba, I got this, I got this Bubba. Can I ask why you're leaning on my chair leezard throwing off my filter a little bit? No, I got this we're gonna we're gonna wrap it up But we wrap it up. It's gonna take a long time. I wrap up take forever. It takes forever

It's fun. I wrap up in a long way because whatever we don't trust me. I get it I'm gonna get my my book because I got a lot of dates Tons of what do you mean your book my book it's over there what book what do you mean a book I got a date book Oh, you got a I started in the 90s. I still have a date book. Yeah, but you got a fucking phone in front of you with a calendar There's a phone you fuck why? He uses a day runner. I know I know not even a day runner. It's actual calendar with kittens on it What is that? Why do you do that Joe because it's better? I visualize and I have it and I fucking have been doing it since 1985.

But why don't you update your life? Because sometimes I like writing it physically. Yes, and with the phone sometimes you see these people that have, they go to their website and it says like, funny bone, funny bone, gynecologist appointment, barbershop, fucking skid marks. Ha ha, skid. What do you, how many dates do you have? I got tons of dates, Doc. How many are you gonna fucking yap down the fucking microphone right now? However I want to do. It wasn't English.

Oh, anyways. Chrissy, thanks for coming on. Thanks, man. Why do you always judge yourself like that? It's who I am. But is it what you do all the time? Oh, yeah. That's my whole angle.

I want this. Just beating the shit out of myself. Yeah, because if he was confident, I'd be time. Oh, yeah, that's my whole angle I want this is just beating the shit out of myself. Yeah, because if he was Confident then you'd be an asshole. That's what's so fascinating and so funny about you. You could not be more attractive He could shoot that I could be I Could do Bob if you could mold him a little bit. What would you do if I could do I make him less But like bear bulky like barrel chest in and more I'd make him a little bit. What would you do? If I could do, I'd make him less like, like, bulky, like barrel chested.

And more. I'd make him a little thinner. I'd make, I'd stop, I'd go to the gym. I'd say, no more carbs, no more sugar. Thin the fuck out. I want you thin. I want you nice and drawn out. Yeah.

Right? And then I'd let, the top of his hair, I'd let the top sides grow out. So his head didn't go. You're trying to make him look gross. No, I'm trying to make him look What I want I think you're perfect. I'll let you come right in my hair and shampoo me with it. Yeah, look at me I'm also slouched. Yeah, okay, sit up a little bit. Yeah, I do that. I let the hair grow up on top I'd like to see a little curl or whatever you get going on. What would you do with me dog? I would throw you out

I would actually let you on fire and start over. Oh, that's hurtful. I keep you here. Oh, it's great. I was good. Good. He's got great hair. Nice. Everybody. And I heard you got good dance moves. I can dance. Good penis. Got a thumbprint on it. And it's got a couple of diseases attached to it. But other than that, I feel like it's a pretty good. Wow. How long did it take you? Oh, thanks. Yeah. How long did it take you to stop being embarrassed about the herpes? One hour. Oh, really? You just, you found out upset and then you're like fuck it.

What's up for a day? What are you gonna do? It's getting go away. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. So now, how's the kid doing, by the way? She's good. She's not having a month's all now. Yeah. She's good. You know, everything.

I guess. It's hard, right? It's very hard. No sleep. No sleep. Now, was your girl work? No. So we have that.

We have no sleep plus a girl. Do you have a nanny? No. No nannies. No. So it's just your chick taking care of the kid. Well, it doesn't all the families live around too. Your mom, right?

My whole family, yeah, my family's live. But I mean during the week, it's just her family too, right? Yeah. Where's her family? Sunset Park, Brooklyn. So right there. Yeah. OK, so they help out.

Yeah. That's the one thing I feel bad about my wife. She has no help. That's the one. Both the parents have passed. The other family she doesn't really talk to. There's one brother she talks to. We and my parents all live in Boston. So we we have Dolores the neighbor who's a sweetheart but can't watch Max. She's too old to

watch him. Right. So we got nobody. It's just her. You have to pay for a baby sitter. We have a baby sitter. Yeah. Catherine who's you know really cool. You know. She started well she started you know, she works a lot. So she shows up, hair, you know, she shows up tired. That's good. Yeah, she's not showing up like all done up, which is nice. I can't act, we can't.

We had a hot baby sit at one time and I came downstairs and I was just like, I almost said, I almost went tits. It was so juicy. Yeah, nice tits. Oh yeah, just juicy tits. It was so juicy. Yeah, nice tits. Oh yeah, just juicy tits. Yeah, it's, and I was like, you gotta know more, just get a regular babysitter.

And this girl, like she's done so many charities. Sure. Yeah, she's, her resume is ridiculous. Just piece core and charities and kids with this and kids with that and she's just a really good person. So she comes over and there's nothing. She's a really good person but yeah, I'm plus I would never put myself in that position. Yeah, fuck.

Imagine that, some hot babysitter, they know your comedy, they like it and she comes in and I love you last hour. That's the dream. Well, I was a backup nanny for many years and it was really embarrassing when people would do a glue and they'd be like, I saw you, you're so funny. I'm like you're shitting babies in my hands. This is embarrassing You know really yeah people would Google me to make sure I wasn't gonna you know murderer And then I'd show up and they'd be like you're so cool, but it's like I still have to yeah like it babies But yeah, if she was my if you and my babysitter I

Mean yeah, I have to fire you Yeah, cuz you're a little cutie, betuity with both of you. Oh, thank you. I'd have to tell you to be. I'm very good, though. Very good at what? Baby sitting. Oh, really?

And you gave me a nice gift. My daughter loves the gift to be modest. You didn't get my kid nothing. Yeah. Soon. Soon. When there's a birthday. There's a birthday coming up.

You're going to come to the party? Great. Cool. I can't believe this just happened to my life. Horror, some Pete, birthday, great. My life's going very well. My barbecue is a pretty big deal, right? I've heard. I've heard.

Yeah, I've heard. One day I was pouring, and then there was the only time last year when you cut the logs up and made them seats, but then you didn't finish them or anything, so there was spiders crawling all over everybody in the whole party. It was hilarious and terrifying. And in the rain.

Every single person had a spider on them. That's not true. It's 100% true. It's crazy. Um, yeah, you want to come up? Yeah, I'd come up. I'd love to come up. Yeah, bring the kid up.

Sure. Um, what are you going to be, brother? What am I going to be? A comedy club. I will be in May. I think the 22nd and 23rd is carmines, comedy club in Pekipsi. Who's booking you?

Yeah. Your uncle? Yeah, my uncle, Lou. And then that next week, we can play my fucking carmines. He's a good friend of mine. Well, that gets worse. The next weekend is Uncle Vinnie's in Point Plus. Is it better to fucking you danger fields?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm dice clay. I'm fucking fucked. What? Okay, guys. Vinnie, that's actually a pretty I'm dice clay. Okay, good. Vity, that's actually a pretty good club. Yeah, that's good. That's a one night of bing you're in, you're out. Boom, boom.

Friday Saturday, I think I'm doing. Oh, yeah, okay. You do both of this. Yeah, and then about that. And then, and then on website, christiecomedy.com. Right. Check, check it out.

And you got a special. Check it out. Yeah, where's your special ed? What do you mean my special? Don't you have a half hour special? I do have a half hour special. The fuck do I got a five? I meanra. Yes, Chakra. Where's your special ad? What do you mean my special? Don't you have a half hour special? I do have a half hour special. The fuck do I got a five? I mean, what the fuck do you have?

I thought it got an hour special. Why are you hitting mad at me though? I didn't know what you mean. I got a fucking half hour special. Whoa, who's that? Oh, I'm an upper fiddies. Am I an ant and he's peer-fool? Yeah.

Yeah, I have a common central half hour special. Do you want people to look at it? Yeah, sure, if you, why not? All right, cool. You really do have shitty self esteem. What the fuck are you do all right cool, buddy? Thanks coming in. It's always What are you sorry about? Chrissy you're fucking great. I do that was a joke the last I'm sorry was a Was real man kill myself okay?

Anytime Joey what do you got? Sounds a fucking notebook Where you going? Oh boy. Besides a fucking notebook. Where you going? I got a piggy bank. Oh, that's hurtful. What do you want? Stick around for your dates?

Oh, for what? I'm joking. Oh, OK, go ahead. These are jokes. Everything I say is a joke here. Everything? I come in. So you don't have a joke guy.

You know what I mean? I come in. I'm going to be a joke guy. I told you. I told you. You're going to have to sign before. He's got to have you back on. They asked me to do the show one time. Yeah. I couldn't, I'm gonna be the joke guy. I told him he's gonna have to. He's gotta have you back on. They asked me to do the show one time. Yeah.

I couldn't do it, because I was on the road. An hour later, Norman's like, hey, I hope you didn't gym, just ask me. An hour after they asked me, but I couldn't do it. Norman's done three times a week, they never asked me back. I'm fucking Wally Pip. You know Wally Pip?

Yeah. Who is he? This is a guy from Pips. Ah. Let's go for it, that's not what I'm gonna do. Let's go for those wine. I know Wally Pipp? Yeah, who is he? It's a guy from Pips Let's go for those wine. Oh Wally Pipp is You got one thing you know on the show. Yeah, it's baseball. I fucking know it all right. Yeah, Wally Pipp was the guy Who's supposed to be Babe Ruth? No, it's Lou Garrett. I mean fuck Lou Garrett, but Lou Garrett He was sick that day. Lou Garrett. Yeah, yeah day Yeah, what's that buddy? Lou Garrett

Lou what's it? What I say? Lou Garrett book sunk a Vinnie. Yeah, Lou Garrett. Yeah, I don't know baseball Lou Garrett anyway, you ready for some days? Lou Garrett Gary good. I'm a red sucks feeling. How are you? Scream ski say that? Yeah, all you're Stremski Stremski, what's that? Yeah, follow your scrimsky. Yeah, scrimsky. What's that? Yeah, it's also a birth control, right? Yeah, it's a form of control. Yeah, but I was like, there was a link girls.

Yeah, girls were like passing out. Can we get phones back on, please? I'm kidding, you don't have to put them on. We're done. We're done. Yeah, that's what's crazy about these birth controls. They flood the market and then all of a sudden, two years later, it's like, they're dying.

You're going to be infertile. You're going to get cancer. I won't take that shit. It's not good for, I mean, it's like, they're dying. You're gonna be infertile. You're gonna get cancer. I won't take that shit. It's not good for, I mean, it's great, every birth control ends up having terrible. Is it really? Yeah, I have an IUD now. We'll see what happens, but it's gonna be terrible.

Does that hurt to go in there? Yeah. How, who puts it in you? The guy no callous. Oh. I had sex with this girl once, except her IUD was loose, so that I need to be careful.

Yeah, they could fall out. And then she was very painful, so she told me, oh, Jesus, those IUDs, except her IUD was loose, so that I needed to be careful. Yeah, they could fall out. And then she was very painful, sex, she told me. Oh, Jesus, those IUDs, and you could touch it with your dick when you're in there. It hits the fucking thing. Can't you just get the thing in your arm? They go on the little... No, girl, that was killing girls.

They were like passing out from that. Really? Yeah, the patch, it's all, and then the ones that were like, you only get four periods a year, that fucks everyone up. So why do you do this? Why do you just fucking let the guy, you know, you know pull out? I'm in you and now you're whore from Jersey

He's gonna fill you a vajra calm down. Yeah, always I Deepo you have one was last time he had sex a Couple days ago a couple days ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck it, deep room. No, no, no, stop stop with a woman. Yes, OK. Divas getting on the rag.

So you get a girlfriend? I'm seeing somebody right now. I wouldn't say dating, but. Is she Indian? I can't say who. Is it a comic? No, but I can't talk about it. So what the fuck, dude?

I can't. We all talk about everything. And you can't open up for it. I told you on the phone why I can't bring all talk about everything and you can't open up I told you on the phone why I can't bring you okay, you're right. Hey, give us the chat room right now What's in the chat? Oh Lewis left? We never found out who he's fucking I know I know show me okay Big up. I don't want to show the camera bring up a photo and I want to see it right now see here Okay, what do you go the whole chat room knows who Lewis is dating by the way like it's not a secret They do yeah, so I'm not gonna say it, but

because Lewis fucking publicizes everything about himself. He probably mentioned it in one of his 1100 podcasts. He's a little strapped from material, so he's got to bring it up. Do I still look like a teenage mutant in Jeterta? No, you don't. Thank you. I still have throat cancer, dog. I gotta call a doctor, Bob.

Are you fucking? I need to see it. I got a call to Dr. Bob. Are you? I need to see is that who I think it is Who you know of her? Is that please give it to me. I can't handle this who is that right down on a piece of paper Oh, yeah, do I know who that is? I don't think that's somebody famous. No, no, no, but she's fuck some famous people Yeah, who is that she'll be famous? She'll be famous She'll be famous. She'll a MTV will get a hold of her She'll be fit no offense. We'll get a famous What what's the chat room saying? First thing is a flannel liver says thank you for making your podcast free and available for live feeds Robert

You're welcome. It is free for a couple more weeks Yeah, someone actually asked, are the archives something? Okay, here's the deal, real quick. I'm gonna look into the camera, I'm gonna fucking deliver this real fast. This podcast will always be free, okay? For right now, we're gonna have, the latest 10 episodes for right now are always going to be free.

All the archive stuff is going to go behind a paywall. I need to start making money on the show. Somehow, without charging you if you can't afford it or don't want to pay, I don't want to force you to give me a subscription each month. Unless I'm doing the show four days a week at the same time for four hours, I'm not doing that We do this once a week we do a few guys

But I need to start making myself some money off of this and I need to start paying these mother fuckers that come in every week and Never complain ever we all do this as a team for you guys We're adding a lip-syn subscription thing. It's gonna be $199. If you wanna join, you can. If not, 10 episodes will always be up there. But the R- Who are these four fans that it's $1.99

and you're talking like- Well, because- Because speech. Some people can't afford to, they can't afford it because they have Netflix. They have this, they have that. And then they add another two bucks. I understand it.

With all the fucking subscription-based things that are out there. It was just such a passionate speech that couldn't have imagined it was at $199. To add another one to it is crazy. So we're gonna be adding that soon. But don't worry, you'll always be able to listen to this number one live for free, I believe.

And then, no, live will be free. And then the audio version is the latest 10 episodes will all be up there. We might do something with a video. I have to find some way to get some monetary value for these people that work so hard for me. And for myself to keep doing this, we've done over 400 episodes. I think we just crossed 300 episodes. 300 episodes. We've done 300 episodes. That's a lot of episodes.

Consistently, once a week, never miss in a week. Yeah. For years. So, you know, there's gonna be a point where every other show in their fucking mother is, you know, pay for this, pay for that, $5, $6, $7, some of them a $15, we're gonna ask for a little bit so I can, you know, make it, $7, some of them are $15. We're gonna ask for a little bit

so I can make it worth the while for these people that come in. So there you go. Yeah, wet our beak a little bit. Yeah, exactly. Where do we don't have a beak? I'm some fun stuff. The more money I can make off of this show

to be honest with you, the more we can do. We could maybe do another day. We can do more live events. I can ask these guys and pay them to do more stuff, and they'll be willing to do it right now. We're all doing it out of the love of this podcast, and the love of, you know, giving it to you guys. So we're going to have to, we're going to have to do something, but, you know, if you can't afford it, we'll, they'll be an option for you. We'll put some bonus stuff behind the paywall. We're going to have bonus stuff behind the paywall

videos, extra interviews stuff like they want to try to give you as much as you can. It's $2.99. It comes right out of your fucking phone. There's an app you can get right now on iTunes or Android. The Robert Kelly, you know what, dude, podcast app. You can get it right now. I was going to make this announcement in a couple weeks, but right now you can go get it.

All the other shows are off iTunes. Everything's gone. The only way to get the archives is through in a couple weeks joining the subscription. So one way to make money might be to sell like List of Maniac shirts. I'm gonna get the what's what's your new nickname? Jumping Joe. Oh jump in. Jumping Joe. You want you want to just take that money and put it in the new Jumping Joe shirts? No that's all right. I'm moving and I'm getting married just straight What do you want? What else you got?

Story. Oh, I think we're going out. Sorry. I got I got a blanket right now. No, he's funny You don't want to miss you. Yeah, I mean you call your fans to list them. What's up? What's up? What do you get my fault? I'm sorry, baby. Bob I wanted to know how How much experience how much acting experience Leiza had before she did Harrison Pete. Good question. Yeah. This was my first acting job. Wow. But I did theater in high school, but I did like a Kabuki play and someone at

like it wasn't. Did you audition for it or did you just gave it to you? I didn't audition. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I actually saw you're seeing in particular. I thought it was great. Thank you. You were amazing. You were really great. What else you got? Justin Freshy says, I'll pay for a D-Poo abortion

if it's needed. Oh my God. That's nice. Yeah, it might be in my knee that from the fund. So. So. Anything else? Raymond Towers says, I'm going to see Joe and Grand Rapids

this week. What up, Joe? Hey, hey. Hi, I'm St.Goo. Oh, Jeff and Joe. Jeff and Joe. Jeff and Joe and Grand Rapids. Speaking of Joe, what do you got?

Oh, boy. Well, obviously, Grand Rapids, but that's probably sold out, I assume, by now. No. Oh, boy. Hotdog. April, April 26. I'm doing a show.

I don't know the name of the joint just yet, but it's in Louisville. What the fuck are you talking about? It's a bar show. I'm doing a show. I don't know the name of the joint just yet, but it's in Louisville It's a bar show. I'm going to Pearl Jam the next night in Lexington, Kentucky You ever show you promoting it, but you don't know where to tell him to go. Well, I'm gonna tell him to fucking tweet me dumb dumb they have access Well, you're telling people to tweet you to remember. I'll find the net. I don't look at my phone. I'm consider it You're not considered you had 20 minutes. I'm over here in the chat room to get you But I'm listening to you dumb speech about how you've never paid me for four and a half years of gold

First of all, I'm not paying you. I'm paying them. I'm the one bringing the heat dog four years I've been on this fucking show. I'm not even kidding. I've been here longer than I've been in high school I've been doing this show I've lived in the story I'm trying my show is done so much for you? All I've gotten out of this was Slustomaniac shirts, which I still haven't got the money for. You fucking hell.

Is that all you've got out of it? Sorry, I didn't mean to say he. What does that mean? Hebe. Hebe, Jew. Jew. Yeah, but that's like the Curly Q Jews, right? It's not a chill Jew.

Might be right. Jew guys. I wanted to listen to the show, so I didn't find the- What else you got? Like I've got to do something. It's a 10 o'clock bar. It's Louisville. If you're in the Louisville area,

if you're in Louisville and there's a bar at 10 o'clock, go to it. And Joe might be there. There's one bar in Louisville, go to it. That's similar to what Bob did. Yeah, no. I just went faster with better fucking timing. If you email me, that's the same same thing email me or tweet me your fucks

You'll find it. Yeah And then that Wednesday date and funny mode one night only April 29th and 30th province Always do this Why are you exhaling? Give you why are you exhaling? You're my fucking taxing Joe. You have a thing. I want you to talk to your therapist, Al. What's his name? I'm Alan Allen.

I want you to talk to Alan and say for some reason, Joe for four and a half years. Every time Joe plugs his shit, I exhale or I go, you're middling, right? You're middling? I never said that you're You think I think you're middling some bar and fucking or Latte Turkey last week I said Dr. Grins you laughed out loud

This week Stop it's up. Stop it's up everybody laughs when they hear Dr. Grins The fucking shit his name of a comedy club ever Doth follows the other week after me bro. I know you keep bringing that up. Dr. Grins I'm sure they they disguised it with another name whatever fucking uncle Vinnie's you didn't show knuckle Vinnie's I did Whatever anyways, I think you should talk to Alan about your deep resentment towards me and my success about your deep resentment towards me and my success. I fucking, I'm the one who helped you get it! I'm the one who's been your biggest fucking supporter!

I've told everybody in the world about you! And this is like, to follow though. At some point, at some point, aren't I helping you as much bringing these bold, dropping gold on your show, dog? Buddy, I'm hacked out on tele followers. Here's the dilemma I'm finding. Here's the dilemma I found. I don't have you on the show I'm an asshole if I do have you on the show I owe you for being so good on the show you don't owe me anything Not exhale when I say where I'm headlining all right. Go ahead. Say where you're gonna be yes

I want like a fuck. Oh, have you been a cartoon before? Yeah, I'm just a little That voice I think our guest wants to say something oh He's getting a cartoon before. Yeah, and then get hurtle. That voice, I think our guest wants to say something. Oh, he's getting a little too confident. He doesn't owe you, he actually owes you $477. Yeah, it's $200,000. How's it going up? It's three. It's not.

It's $300,000. It's $340. It's not. It's $340,000. Well, the guy probably fled town, by the way. He probably is out of the business with like $300. It's It's three something. It's not I'll get I'm gonna get the fucking receipt. All right, please do Providence comedy connection April 29th and what I thought I heard an exhale. No, I can I breathe? April 29th and 30th Providence comedy connection may fit through the seventh Mordys Indianapolis

May 12th through 14th Madison, Wisconsin comedy on state and May 21st in Avaughn, a benefit from the whole Brook Fire Department. Hit me up on Facebook, Twitter, Michael's a firefighter. He fights fires. It's like your boy Dennis Leary pretends to and uh, too far. Pretend it shows over that you don't with a puzzle. Is that show over rescue me? Oh shit Around the sex and drugs and rock and roll Then then then then what's that? No, I said the one I was on got canceled. Oh benders. Yeah, look at a low. I am now It was a great show Chris you a great on that. You see benders. I did I saw the ads buddy I would say if I don't mean I just move along. I don't I don't I don't kidding. I know

I don't go to the same ass. I said something. Yeah, I don't kiss ass. No, I know. I just won't bring it up You're fucking great. I'll tell you this you surprised me. Oh, thank you We're not gonna be as fucking good as you were and when I've watched the three episodes as like Chris is the fucking star of the show You were at an audition recently the same and the lady gale She was saying that in the past two years, Chris has improved so much that he's so great now. I didn't get the part though. No, no, I mean, but the part that I know, I know, I'm just kidding. The process. I feel like I feel like I joke and then you guys take it. Because you've been

so depressed. I know you're sitting in the chair, but that's not, I know, look at this. But that's life shit. Did you pay your pants? I'm just gonna be ahead of the tape. That's just life. We're gonna go. Did you pay your pants a lot in school? I'd be my pants a few times. Yeah, what did you say? I'll try to signify you that I've no chat left I know I'm done. Thank you for not having that was a great moment Where the intern is given the fucking cut it? Yeah, you don't tell me that you need to cav it ready.

You turn towards me and I thought you were gonna ask me, all right, what else you got? Well, if I say that, you should have something. Shouldn't you? That's why I was trying to signal you. Hey, we don't. I don't like this. Okay, yeah.

We gotta come up with a signal. I'll tell you what the signal is, ready? What's the signal? Always have chat things for me. Oh God, that's my nightmarriage. Is you going, what else you got? What does chat say in the ring? What's the last thing written? George Clark says did Bobby hear about kev rennan talking about squeezing him out of them LLC on opi radio?

What what's that? Misery loves company. Misery loves company. That's a funny show. Yeah, it is a funny show Yeah, everyone the buzz Yeah, he can squeeze me out of that as long as he has a good lawyer All right. Wow. Now who's serious? What do you got?

I'll be in Madison this weekend. Comedy on state. What a great club, right? It would be really fun. Cheese curts. Who's headlining? It's me and my friend Mateo. I'm kidding.

I did that because Joe says I always do it to him. Oh, but I co-headline with my friend Mateo. And then our friend Drake from Chicago is gonna come host. It'll do a fun time. The girls there, first of all, beautiful. Yes. Oh, the owner's daughter too. And the mother is just the sweetest person ever.

The father's cool as shit. Gus. Gus, what a great guy. They run a good place. And the hotel's right there. Beautiful. Great club. No, their lineups are always just like, everyone is great.

Yeah, and you know what? They last time they had me do a Christmas party with all mothers and sons and I was petrified. You know, I was like, this is not, I go, this is not going to go good. And they were like, you're going to be fine. I went out, it was the fucking best. It was the best. The college night is Thursday. And then Friday and Saturday is regular shows.

And they're always packed. They're always sold out. And those girls go to festivals. They come visit New York, go to the shows. Yeah, they're working packed. They're always sold out. And those girls go to festivals. They come visit New York, go to the shows, and they're working hard. Yeah, they're great. Great club. Good for you.

Where else are you going to be? May 7th, I'm going to do some show in Chicago for the YWCA, something like that. YKWD. Harris Bank Theater with some other people. One person I hate on it, so we'll see what happens. We know. We got some girls. Lewis Gomez, you eat some Chicago? Yeah. She's hate on it, so we'll see what happens. We'll see. We'll see.

We got some girl. Louis Gomes. She's from Chicago? Yeah. She's in New York, though, now? No. She's just a Chicago comic. What are we doing this white girl?

I love her. Whatever. There's a black girl, and then there's a white girl. I like the black one. What's the girl's name? The girl Louis is dating. What's your name? No, we can't say it.

You almost did. You fucking did. No, Chris can't have we can't have you almost date you fucking No, Chris isn't a rat, I think that's it. I'm gonna be somewhere in June I bet, but I'm not sure. Deepa, what do you got, buddy? On Twitter, and Instagram, and MitoMo. Besides a fucking attitude. And the sinus infection, why are you congested? I'm a little under the weather this week.

I'm sick. A little bit, yeah. Did you shake your hand? No. Okay, yeah. I was just out of pride though. I'm sick a little bit. Yeah, I hear it. Did I shake your hand? No, okay? Yeah I was set a pride though. I'm guessing Deepers would have fired the life. It's very funny. He's very smart and witty Yeah, but I know my place. Yeah, I can't step out of it. No, you're very good at that. You can step out of your place I can yeah, good

You know you yelled at me like a minute ago, but I can I be in my fucking place? That's my trace I read a nice thing today. Did you hear that? What was it? It was the Fuck what was it? It was It was the guy say thank you for putting a free show up there. Oh, you finally. It's good to hear those thing Why is it bad? Why is it against comedy fucking law to hear good shit? Because if I just started reading good shit It would just be nine people staring at a Indian guy going Bobby, you're the fucking best. That is not fucking true. You smell great people like hearing good shit. Read me something else good I mean I don't have anything like that right now Chris, what do you got buddy for shows? Oh you oh scopo me

I got shows go to Chris scopo.com. They're on there. Give a Twitter at Chris Copeland on Instagram and Twitter Facebook. Did you guys ever fucking this room? Is this a room? No, that's that's no-ums old fucking room. No, we don't fucking that Lauren What do you got besides nice titties? Oh, thank you. You didn't like them last week. Now you like it? Yeah, I like them again. Thanks at Lauren Cabera Twitter and Instagram and I am driving across the country this week and YKWD stickers are coming with me. So check all the gear stations. Make sure you put them up. I will.

I'll get it done for. And give some stickers to these fucking motherfuckers and they can put them up somewhere. Buddy, thanks for coming on. Do you have a good time? What is this, dude? Oh my god. Oh my god.

It'll be funny if I open it and it explodes. Oh, I know you just got to get my half-hours on Hulu right now, too. Oh great. So if someone wants to go there, they're all on there. Oh, watch the mother fucker, man. You brought him a present. Is this for me? Are you kidding me, dude?

It's like poop from here, but I know this is a virus. This is a really nice cigar collection. I mean, I'm telling you right now, these are fucking, this is fucking long live the king is a great cigar. These are all on the, these are no joke, man. These are no fucking jokes, cigars, bro. Let me take a, let me just get that on camera. Look at that, man.

And the sumo to a two. Dude, you are a fucking special person. Thank you so much, man. I really appreciate it. That means a fucking special person. Thank you so much man I really appreciate that means a lot man. Thank you so much. You have a good time Cool, and what did you bring? Sunlier nice. Did you bring something? Yes, what you bring? No, I'm kidding dude. You know I'm listening to me You know what I was gonna fucking take something out of his pocket What's up, buddy? Do you have a good time? Yeah?

That's that's great man. That's great good. I'm glad. What do you give you something to? You got a small gift cards for me scopes and deeps. Oh my god, man. That's fucking dude. What a fucking great guy Yeah, cool man. That's really sweet dude. You're making Chris feel worse about himself Yeah, you can't eat it, but you can eat downstairs. Thank you. What do you thank you? That's what we we you have Where's your comedy gigs at? No Chris can you move your fucking beautiful head for He's an open-micre you're an open-micre. Yeah, I see Jerry all the time All right, buddy. Well good. Thank you for coming up. Maybe someday you'll be on the shelf. Yeah talking on the mic

Thanks for thanks for the opportunity when he watched this bring it down a little bit there you go thanks for letting me just come out and watch this so I just I love this podcast I love coming out and just it's cool cool man thanks coming on okay dude and what do you do bro are you a comic-toe no I just build stuff what do you build car washes why are shitting me? You're giving a lot of money. Do you want to build a tree house? I need I need somebody I'm trying to get a tree house builder I'm a youtuber. I am youtuber it. Don't you won't build you know what? Yes, I just say something before we fucking go

My that's why we go out of the fight with my wife because I the treehouse Because she said I'll build it you can't fucking build it all right you what how would you build it? I don't know how do you make a roof? You too How do you square in a fucking do it? I did I got no fight with my wife. She's like I'll I go I'm having a hard time with the roof and she's like I'll do it I'm like what she's like I'll do it. I'm like what she's like I'll do it Just give me a day. I'll figure it out. I'm like go fuck yourself. You have to be careful because your kids gonna be up there It's not just a random thing. Why don't you call the Trio skies and the animal planet channel

All right, so guys To the podcast you guys are the best you know your days. That was the gift he brought you I told you deep who's on fire? He's always got what he got? April 23rd, Renaissance Theater and Kingsport, Tennessee. This is a gig with Dr. Steve. It's the only gig I'm doing while I'm filming and it's going to be fucking great. I haven't been to Tennessee in a long time.

The last time I was there was the side splitters that was there, which was like the fucking wild west. I remember I got a lady kicked out. Ten minutes later she ran back in the room and went I'm from Hawaii! And then walked out again. I was like this place is crazy. So I'm excited to go back down this. You make sure you check that out. What else do I got? Sex and drugs in a rock and roll. Yeah that's right and make sure you subscribe to this. If you're watching this on the live right now or later on YouTube, hit the fucking subscribe button.

Push the button, subscribe, and like this episode. Make sure you do that. Support us. Go get the app on iTunes or Android platform. The Robert Kelly, you know what, dude, app. We're gonna be starting the subscription-based service, subscription-based service sooner than later. So we really love your support.

If you want to donate, you can go to the donate button. We love you guys that donate on a regular. And what else? Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, everything's up there. If you guys got any photos or anything, you think that we should be tweeting or talking about, send it over to Lauren on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram, and we'll make sure we'll put it up. And if you want some stickers, you want to be live in the studio like these guys, Chris,

how do you do that? Email YKWD producer at any enthusiasm. Right. I mean, literally, I'm building email. Right. YKWD producer. One second. I mean, am I out of my fucking mind.

I mean, it's a, you can email. He's lit. producer one second. I mean am I out of my fucking mind? I mean it's a you can He's lit. He's lit. Thank you deep. Who can you do a little bit? He's usually good? Let's try to get a first Well, you know what bugs me. That's called passive aggressive. It's passive progressive It's a cut passive progressive. You see did I say I fucking set it on air? I said watch when we get to the plugs these two talk to each other I told you there's deep Presentments between the deep who resentment between The deep put the three of you. All right. How do you get on the show?

Go to email why kwd producer at riot cast.com People YKW stickers around New York City or anywhere please take photos and tag us at YKWW on this? or send them to YKWD producer at rightcast.com The thing you should keep Lauren, get rid of those two and her shirt and we're good. You guys are the best fans of the world. Thanks for listening once again. You know what? You've been listening to YKWD Podcast.

Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. You've been listening to YKWD Podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Join us. Bye!