Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Just a Hang

Episode Date: March 12, 2012

Robert and Monster Voice go live on a Saturday afternoon.  Riotcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un duvena que de de mal, a Madrid. And now we're archiving now live no delay no delay

Everybody fixed everything rub Kelly back in the house with you know what did podcast live Saturday night Saturday afternoon afternoon We're doing this live This is coming up Monday. So if you're getting any This is coming up Monday, so if you're getting any Static or a fucking it's fucking up just refresh your browser Make sure you use Firefox or Chrome. Don't use Safari whatever. It's probably your browser if it's fucking up But just refresh it. It should stream

Freshly and if it doesn't if you don't have a good Wi-Fi connection just Monday morning This will be out be out on the, you know what dude, live on riotcast.com. Safari is bad. Safari can be bad. It's, you know, it's weird. A lot of people don't know that certain browsers fucking below for certain things. So, and browsers, sometimes there's a new version of it that you need to get.

And the older, I don't like you sexy. I don't like, I don't like your sexy, I don't like, I don't, yeah, stuff looking at me sexy, I gotta turn the lights up. Oh, Bobby, tell me about the browser. All right, I'm gonna download Firefox right now. Firefox is good, I find Chrome to be the best right now. To you.

But I switch back and forth, sometimes Firefox is the shit. But, will try Firefox. Firefox is good with Chrome is good because you can just you know on the other the other browsers You have to there's a search little queue and you know a dot com queue You actually if you know the website on Chrome you can actually type in the dot com queue Fucking Dan soda blah blah sucking a cock in a parking lot. Caut plus Caut. Caut. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Yes. And it will actually, you know, we'll come up as a search right there, too, which I kind of like. That is neat. It is neat. I know nothing about computers. Um, there you do. You know about Xbox, that's a computer. I'm not even on Xbox Live.

Oh, really? Yeah, I mean, fuck, yeah. It's pure laziness. Why aren't you on Xbox Live? Because on a table? Why am I fucking talking like that? I don't know why you're gonna be an old Jewish lady. Why are you not on Xbox Live?

You have the capabilities! Um, because I'm a lazy piece of shit and I like playing the computer. Really? No, I don't know, I'm just a piece of shit. You're not a piece of shit, you're a good boy. You're a good boy. That should come with a head bat. Have you a closer?

Oh, that'd be creepy. Um, I, I, I, I, I think that I know a lot, I know, I don't know a lot about online. I don't know a lot of fucking G-Shit, but I like geeky shit. I love nerds. I love nerds. You know what I hate is, uh, black penis. I love that. Uh, do you really?

If you had a second thing, would it be a black one or a white one? Absolutely. It'd be a black one. You really? I'll go all the way. If I'm going to suck a dick, I'm going to go all the way. So it would be a black dick. Yeah. You wouldn't, you would go black instead of white. Yeah. I think I would. Let me, let me set the scenario. Okay. This is the grossest off track we've ever got. It is. It's a fucking very bad one. I'm going to talk about how I hate when celebrities say

they use to be nerds. And now we're talking about if I'd suck a black or a white dick. Okay, so if you had, okay, there's a black, big black cock. Now it's just a fucking blipper. It's big, it's big and dark. And then at the tip, kind of. Dark and then you get a nice perfect pink kind of like a Like a not a too pink skin color cock. Yeah, you can see the you know nice area

Yeah, and then at the top it gets a little darker little purple. Yeah, yeah, no purple. No like not purple Jesus Christ Start pink. We stop adding to don't add your real fantasy to the fake fantasy Somewhere in fire on silk sheets suck by the way. Yeah, there's a word. You can't even jizz on them. You jizz on them. You're ruined them I For some reason I used to wear a silk boxers in high school Why I just started jacking off with them as like because of the best jizz ranks in the world silk boxers You just use Japan. Yeah, I'm doing a to jizz it. in the world. Silk Boxers. You just used Japan, you underwent a jizz and that was like, I was like 15.

I could use sandpaper and it'd still come. Did you say college? No, no, I said high school. Oh, these are college. Oh, no, that's like fucking, that's like some dead bunny shit. If you're wearing fucking silk underwear in college. Well, what was the error?

It was a playboy. Remember playboy was the shit. Remember playboy was the shit? Remember playboy was the shit. Like the bunny, they used to have bunny t-shirts. Yeah. Are you two all a young for that? I think I might be a little too young for that. Back in the day, they used to have playboy bunny t-shirts

and gold neck, like a pendant. But it, I, now, but back then, dude, there was nothing I wanted more than an Italian gold horn and a fucking playboy bunny. You know what's funny is I, because I know, you know, I've only known you for like a little over a year now, maybe more. I was in the cellar last night and has walking downstairs and there's the blown up picture of you at the cigarette.

Yeah. And you look like such a fucking creep. I do. I do. Yeah. I could tell though, like, Bobby used to get a ton of pussy because you have that like, I actually got pussy at that photo shoot. I bet you did because you like smoking your cigarette like a hump. It's like just looking at it. Given those eyes, like you're definitely trying to bang the photographers assistant. Dude, I, I used to get a lot of box. I, I used to get a lot of box. I used to get a lot of box. That's why I know you haven't, because you could just call it box.

I used to get a lot of fucking box, man. And it, I still could get boxed, too. I still got game. Game isn't, and I know I'm physically fucking older. And you know, fatter and blah, blah, blah, as the fucking people listening went, and fatter, and they nududge nobody. Yeah, but I I can still get box. It's a mental thing getting broads and plus being funny, you can't, you know what I mean? Being funny is...

It's an aphrodisiac like a mother fucker. You just wanted to say that. I did. I did. What's up with your soft voice today? You have like a sexy voice. Um, because I like my mic volume's high. I did. I did. I did. What's up with your soft voice? Did you have like a sexy voice? Because my mic volume's high. Is it really? Do you want me to turn you down?

Yeah, that's why I'm, but I mean, if I talk loud, I just have to pull it because like, what about my mic? No, you're actually talking. I like it. It's not a bad thing. Oh, well, thank you. Yeah, it's a sexy, uh, I won't be, I won't be monster voice.

How's that? Is that better? That's good. A little better. A little better. Um that better? That's good. Little better. Little better. Little better. Um, anyways, bro, it's Saturday afternoon. We're at the YKWD compound. The headquarters. We're at the headquarters. The new studio. If we were a shitty radio show, you do the jail cell locking thing that's like the lockdown. We're at the YKWD headquarters

Live for the YKWD compound It's Robert Kelly. I know I have no fucking nickname There's no nickname for me. No, there isn't I'm Robert Kelly. You are that's it government name I'm Robert Kelly and you know what? It's respectable you have you have many nicknames. I don't have as many as Joe But I have as many you have more than Joe. No, I got monster voice What else you get corporate Dan corporate Dan it will that's new things say behind you back Which is just vicious asshole That face talentless cunt

Last hole, flat face. Talent was cut. You know. Ha ha ha ha. You, what do you, I remember one that went out, when I called you the fuck and you have the same face as the lady who started the sale of witch trials. Where was it? I was somewhere and I was just,

I was in a hotel somewhere and I was just laughing. You were just fucking making fun of the fact that I have Susan B. Anthony face. So dude, you really do have the original woman. I have a picture from Titanic face. Like you sound a picture like, this is my grandmother on the Titanic. Is that a man or a woman?

When the women, the women back in the day were fucking nasty. I'm so glad we're not fucking. You know it's weird though, if you, I've seen pictures from women from like, this is my great, great, grandmother, and they're actually kind of hot, and that means that she would have like,

you know, like when they're always like, that's a woman that could start a war, like they used to have sayings like that, that's because there's only like six hot chicks in the fucking world. The rest of them look like your younger brother. Yeah, and it sucks in those movies too. Anytime you go back at like Egyptian days

or whatever, it's always just like smoking hot white chick. That is. It's a smoking hot, I think Angelina Jolie is playing Nefertiti. Oh, I don't even know who that is, but I acted like I just did. She's black. She's a black fucking, she's from Egypt,

which is Africa, which is black. And the black people are like, what the fuck? That's the white man controlling Hollywood. Well, it's so funny that even if you look back at like Westerns back in the day, it's a white dude that they painted his face black. Well, I'm like tan and he's like, huh, me.

I will take you to the top of the hill way, man. Cut. All right. So Eric, on. I will take you to the top of the hill way, man. Cut. All right. So Eric, on that one, do you want me? Yeah, Tonto was a wicked. Well, that was such a perfect Indian voice. My old Native American voice. For the great bald chief with the strength of many buffalo.

Engine Dan. You have another voice. I did. I got three. Oh, shit, man. Yeah, man. You understand why that's perfect. You're with the native American because you made him a regular white guy like a janitor. Yeah.

You can still hear the Detroit. Yeah, they just talk about the middle of America. And then you can still hear the Detroit. Yeah, they just, the middle of America. And then you can hear the Indian just. And action for we will follow the trail open top to where the eagle sleeps cut. All right, so on this scene, do you want me to follow the lone ranger or go in front? Eric, you're doing a great job. Just keep playing it. Let's get a little more pain on his face.

Yeah. I, first of all, I don't like that you didn't cast me as the director. You played both parts. You're the producer. Now I know if you had a real movie, where I wouldn't even get a spot in it. You just did both voices. I was just had him urthing you out of the... Yeah, I was ready to jump in and do the fucking...

AHHHH! Do you want chicken salads, sir? Where's the catering? Um... So, yeah, the movies are fucking... Alitzer Where's the catering? So yeah, dude the movies are fucking it's so funny if you watch these oh, I love westerns You're a big western fan diehard western fan really I heard I heard Western love them all I like I like I like Anza yeah, but I didn't like but anza was a little too

Faggy I just didn't like haas like you don't like Haas? I kind of like Haas, dude. But answer wasn't something I got into. I liked the really fucked up, like all the spaghetti westerns. I liked the revenge tails, like a real big revenge guy, which probably shows you something about my psyche. But like I loved our good bad and the ugly. Yeah, all the spaghetti western, he Westons were great. And it's funny too because a lot of guys had to go

out of the country. You know, he went out of the country to become famous. He, he, he, no, but my point is before you fucking cut me off, you need more headphones. I did. We, the stop. Listen, I'm kidding. Right.

You, you, he left the country because his career was going down the shitter. He went to Italy and in Spain, where were the fuck they filmed those? That was Italy. They did it in Spain. It was Italy. It's one of those. Why would it be called a spaghetti western, if it was? It's an Italy.

I know the director was Italian. It's probably an Italy. Okay. I'm going to stick with Italy. I'm an idiot. Whenever I say something with conviction Just doubt me and I will recoil. Yeah, that's it this podcast and It should be just fucking idiots. I just throw shit like I'll throw shit out there and it won't be even near The truth yeah, that's what you do. Yeah, yeah, so yeah, so I try I

you'd do. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, at least I try. I try to have some truth. I don't. I don't fake it. I do. You just fake it. I do. Really? Yeah. Like not like real shit, but like dumb facts like that. So you just fake it in the conversation. Absolutely. What's wrong with you? I don't know. I don't want to do that. Why don't you just learn because learning is for chumps. It is not for chumps. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. Sucker if you read a book. Really? No. I'm kidding. I'm just fucking. I don't know. I just it's an insecurity thing of mine. Like if you'll be like, this is a great example. Nate Bargatesi and I were at a comedy. Who's that? Nate Bargatesi. Good. Nate is very funny. Yeah. But he has a fucking shit car that's jinxed. I like his car.

It's fucking cars, jinxed. Just when you get in it. No, oh, so it's me. It's me. You're blaming me. You're an asshole. Did a ton of road gigs with Nate? Perfect, I've never heard of it.

I know you have. Should have not put West Virginia. I've done one. But Nate, one time we were sitting around, he's like, when did Red Fox die? And I was like, 1983. I just said it like fast. And he was like, is that even true? And I go, I don't know, I don't know.

It's a show is still on in 1983. Yeah, he looked it up. He's like, man, he died like 91. And I was like, oh, fuck. No, I, I, I, I love Nate, by the way. But the gig we did was a fucking Jinx gig. He fucking got a fucked up thing fell on his car and then something else happened and something else happened, but I did take him to Pepe's pizza in New

Hay. Oh, so good. Have you had it? Yeah, remember I texted you that picture when I did that gig at Joker's Wild. Dude, it's so fucking good. Oh my fucking God. The guy showed I showed up late because I was still waiting tables then. And I had to show up late to the gig and I couple of my friends were on the show too and they're like we ordered a bunch Pepe's it's almost cold though and I was like I don't give a shit and I just hammered down. It's the best piece. It's so good. I'm fucking hungry right now. Yeah, just even saying that. I'm so my mouth look at my tongue it's wet. It's I'm fucking hungry right now. Just even saying that. I'm so, my mouth, look at my tongue. It's wet. It's, I'm so hungry right now.

Pepe's pizza, but the thing is, it's very salty. Extract, I mean, you're gonna fucking crazy salty. I went to that gig, we did a college in me and Nate, and I did this gig. My neck was fucking sweating salt. Like, I could smell my neck. That's how fat I was. It's just just it was pouring

out of me. Thank God I wore an extra extra extra big black t-shirt. And I just felt bad. It was like one of those gigs where you're like in almost in the middle of the room. It's almost in the round. And there's just young hot college girls. Just got to watch you in the side of you. And it's just it's just it's just it. My you call it a karate. Yeah, it's a big of a shirt. You're an asshole and it's just it's just it's just it's my you called a karate key. Yeah, it's a big of a shirt. You're an asshole. That's just me. I don't like it. I'm saying that I was saying that what the fuck does that mean? But that's very mean. No, it wasn't a karate. Geo asshole. I took karate by the way. But anyways, dude. Yeah,

these these a lot a lot of these people, there was a thing, I forget what it was, a lot of these people left the country to become fucking famous. Dennis Lairy did it, he went, Patrice did it too. Patrice went to England for a while, fucking said, fuck America. Jimmy Hendrix did it. A lot of it, Hendrix did it. Clint Eastwood did it. A ton of people.

A lot of people left this shit country and went over to England I believe that I am a patriot and I will It's like yeah, but Sometimes to get like there's a great interview with Patrice when he did rons unmasked Best I love that show about holy shit if you're a fan of comedy. Yeah, you need to listen unmasked If you're a fan economy the things you need to listen unmasked. If you're a fan of comedy, the things you have to listen to is that unmasked with Ron Bennington, which is fucking unbelievable. And you have to listen to, you have to watch the HBO show at Louis, Seinfeld, Chris

Rock, and Ricky Jivece. Ricky Jivece on it is actually the least knowledgeable stand up. Yeah. Oh, easily. Yeah, he's a, he's a, you know, because he says shit and it's so, he gets caught out there a few times with the greats. Yeah. They were like, why? I like rock gives him a look on time where he's like,

yeah, rock gives him a look and then, and then Louis looks at him one time and goes, why are you mad? Yeah. Why are you getting so mad? There's nothing worse than being passionate about something of man. Of man. And somebody going, why is that making you mad? That's nothing worse than being passionate about something. And man, and somebody going,

why is that making you mad? That's one of the worst feelings in the world that you can have is you know what it is? It when it goes from anger to embarrassment. Yeah. When you're like fucking furious about something and then you're immediately wrong and embarrassed. Yeah.

Oh, that's the worst. Yeah, but in that second you realize that, oh shit, why? I thought my anger, I would get mad and you'd be mad with me, I understand it. But you're looking at me like judgmental, like why would that make you, but it's kind of a dick move to do, though,

for that person because, look man, that's like when you get angry at something and someone goes, why is that, it's so passive aggressive? Because you know the outcome. When you say, why is that making you mad? It's gonna make you mad. The worst feeling I've ever had in the world is one time I got really mad when I was waiting tables and I just fucking said something and I like set it too

loud in my manager like. Well you're in front of a mirror. Why am I here? But I said something to my manager got fucking furious and I went from angry to like oh shit like that clamp down like the authoritative figure and it was the worst feeling because it's like all that rage your feeling just gets fucking packed in I couldn't imagine fucking have it a boss again. Could you imagine that? I don't know having a fucking nervous I still go into restaurants. I go would they hire me like they would I still do that Yeah, man, that's that fucking just gave me shivers. That gave me shivers, bro. To have that fuck yeah, to have a feeling of going in a restaurant and maybe having a maybe feeling. It's gross. Yeah, it's a really gross feeling. It's a fucking scary. It's

gross. It's it's fucking scary. I look at a restaurant and go, how big are their sections? Really? I wonder if they do get lunches here. They have to do nothing would make me happier than to see you with an apron just one more time. Nothing would make me look up the gun laws in New York quicker than having to do that. Go down in a blazer glory. It's a no you don't kill me but you'll be back. It's doing great. I don't know. I don't know. I, uh, fuck me, dude. I was at the show last night. All right, SD loves you, by the way. So she actually texted me today. Thanks again for Dan.

She's the best. It's like a running joke now. But you know what? I appreciate it. And you actually have my spot when I'm away. That's happened. Yeah, you've taken the Rob Kelly fucking. I'm taking the, make sure.

The APM Rob Kelly. This is it. We got to make sure we end the show on a fucking high note. Gross me because the fucking really famous motherfuckers might stink this place up. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a tough spot. It's a pressure in that. It's a lot of pressure on that spot. Plus, you know, if the show goes over, you're going to have to fucking maybe take a hit once in a while. And you never know who the fuck stops in to. You're fucked if somebody stops in the middle of show

You're all the one I love that room is you like I'll be on stage having a great set and because you know You know famous people came in and and maybe the shows running real late Yeah, and I'll get rolling and I'll be like this is the greatest feeling and then you see that light come on You like fuck yeah, like I was having so much fun. I had a I fucking I'll be like, this is the greatest feeling. And then you see that light come on. You're like, fuck, fuck. It was like, I was having so much fun. I had a, I fucking, I had a set there last night. I recorded two weeks ago there. Yeah, just a re, just to check it out.

We had a send somebody tape. It was okay. It was okay. But there's nothing like a weekend spot at the seller when you go up with all fucking guns blazing and you're having fun And you just don't give a fuck you know that I there's enough last night's second set was so fun for me Yeah, I was like God you get off and you just I'm good. I'm fucking good. You just want to go fuck chicks I just want to go eat and fuck check.

I just put chicken wings. That's all you want to do is just go, just fucking go be row. Oh, there's so many hot girls that come into that club. I know, and I can't fucking look at any of them. I'll just stand in the back kind of where the, where the bar downstairs entrance is, and I'll just like look at, there's just one girl I was just daydreaming about before I went on. I was like, she is the hottest girl.

Was she there? She was just sitting in the audience, so I was just daydreaming about before I went on. I was like she is the hottest girl. Was she there? She was just sitting in the audience. I was just like staring at her. Like, if she would have known... Wait a minute, stop, stop. So you were on stage doing this? No, no, no. I was waiting to go up. And you saw her. I was standing by the kitchen, I was by the bar entrance downstairs. Right, and you saw this girl.

And I saw this girl and she was like, with this boyfriend. And I did like the backstory where I was like's he's probably to he's probably not funny He probably is you know, he's probably all strict. Yeah, and district The opposite of funny is because I'm a big idiot and it in the fucking marines I said no mashed potatoes. I will take you to the comedy show against my will This girl is so fucking hot I don't know. I don't like that character that I care I know what you know what that was just you this is the live show sometimes we

We practice some characters that I don't work. Well the live show is the same as the regular show We the play it oh, we don't Okay, that character out. We know serious military boyfriend. He's gonna. Yeah, it's gonna be a little more little more southern That's all it's gonna be a little more southern and I don't want to do that. Yeah, all right cool You don't know like the characters that use one and I just stared at this girl creepily like a Good 15 minutes Through the first comic to the comic before me's whole set just stared at her just watched her like a fucking stalker What what are you so hot?

She's so hot. But what are you gonna get? I was hoping that she would just leave her boyfriend. That's such a good thing. What's that? I don't know. I didn't know. There's a thing, bro.

I've been in those situations and they do leave their boyfriends. They do come back and just to see you and they'll hunt you down on the, it's worse now to uh... because of social the social networking twitter facebook you can actually find somebody

back in the day is that you again is that you shut that fucking thing off shut it off all right shut it you know the phone rule only i get to have my phone on the case is emergency and we need to call 911 you know you're fucking now who's tweeting you? Who was it? Who's calling you? Who was it? I don't know who I look

Then it's not off if you can look the phone's not off Who was it? It was the booker of stand-up New York asking if I could switch to a later Spot you work at stand Stand Up New York? Yeah. That's great. You're in the fucking all the clubs you little pushwack. Hmm. Huh, aren't you?

No, I'm not in at Gotham or Comic Strip. You're in a Gotham? They don't ever, no, I'm not. Like, I do like, you open for me. Yeah, but that's just a one off. They love you. They never, like, they never contact me or told them the email like they never really email them. No. That's just a fucking That's just you not following up. They didn't give me anything to follow up on. Yeah, but you I'm sorry

What did you want to fucking go to no, but if no, but if they're like hey Charlie? Here's my email email your availability They want me in the Gotham comedy club. Papa. This is an awful character. I have awful character. That's my characters You know what I do I sing songs good. I come up with good songs Way Bobby Kelly is Lose and wait. I know cuz you're dumb crusty Jim hats in front of me. Oh my god I thought your phone was gonna be a house phone. I thought that's the house phone You just keep going. Oh just carry this shit to play by playing. I don't know I don't even know where the phone is it's confusing

There's a lot of loud noises and we're live you wouldn't you wouldn't have done this if we were recording you would have stopped it You would have stopped it if we were recording. I'm checking Twitter to see if there's any questions Why wouldn't there be we have no questions dude? There should be no questions on Twitter. Um, you're watching about to drop off the table. That's all right. It's a fucking It's a looks like a kitchen timer. It's a crazy watch Really this this live shit is confusing for me too. I'll take oh I don't know but this is gonna Call it keep going all right. I'm just watching you almost come unglued on where this phone is I think it's

Is it over there? I wish we had a video going you trying to find your phone There it is Hello We had a video going you trying to find your phone Dude I'm in the middle of a podcast call me back. Stop calling my house phone. You're ruining the show It's fucking it's frosty my agent. Hi, Matt. Dan Soto's on we're doing a live podcast right now And you just ruined the whole fucking show because you called twice and we couldn't find the phone How do you turn the house phone off Matt? Where's the button for that? That's actually a good question who calls a house phone People that want to get a hold of you urgently

a house phone. People that want to get a hold of you urgently. Anyways, all right, we're on the, we're doing a live show right now. Is it important? Is it bad? Is it good? Hollywood called? Is it good?

Yeah, stop. He goes, it's always good. What an agent thing to say. He went, it's always good. It's always good. All right, bye. I just imagine him with a copy of the New York Times outside on a porch looking at a leg.

He watched me kind of eat my dick last night. Where? At the UCB East, there. That's probably why he was calling. To tell me that I'm out of show business. Yeah, well, just to say, look, man, I was thinking about it, but, you know, now I'm not. Fuck that, everyone's running their shut up. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. Which one? East or West? East. Everybody eats it. Yeah, but like people were running there. You know that, right? Yeah, but people, I'm I'm Joe no that's not true either oh god why are you truckers fucking asshole is that him again how do you fucking shut it off uh this

fuck are you are he just did it to fuck I like him I fucking hate him I like that stop it mad if you fucking that actually really made me he just let me tell you something Frosty back in the day. I remember coming to when we I came to New York me it was me Patrice Dan Cook Billy Burr Bob Marley. Yeah, Al Doe Benny We all came in Dane rented a got a truck like a SUV or something like that, right? And what you guys all moved here at once. No, no, no, I'll explain let me explain the history of the I got a truck like a SUV or something like that, right? And...

Well, you guys all moved here at once. No, no, no, I'll explain. Let me explain the history of the Boston My Class of fucking comics that came out of Boston. We were mean-dane and the Southern Kid Hour and a comedy group together and we did stand-up. Patrice, Billy, of course, Bob Marley. They all did stand-up by themselves. But, of course, Bob Marley, they all did stand up by themselves. But we, we came to New York all together one night, drove over the fuck down here, went to the strip, I remember walking in, feeling uncomfortable. Yeah. We were like, comics,

they were like, yeah, you know, we just walked in, hung out a little bit and then fucking left. Went down to the cellar and walked in, hung out again. I remember seeing that little TV, the little TV above the bar looking at the comic on stage, being like, oh my God. And then we left. And then we went to the Boston. Holder you guys comedy club. We had to be shit. I don't know 25, 26, 27. It's insane. It's weird. It's weird to that? You know what's weird to think of the like all of you guys are all murderers. And to think that you guys walked into the cellar, basically almost because I'm very close to that age.

And I still just, just now that, that feeling of like, oh shit is, it's still there for me. Yeah. We, we all walked in and we were, I remember a couple people knew a couple people. Like we all went to the Boston comedy club, which is gone now. It's a boring bar. Back in the fucking day, the Boston comedy club was no joke. I mean, we went over there. We're talking all of us are there. Yeah. Okay. Then you get the other new guys, which is Jim Norton. Yeah. Rich Voss. He's been around.

But, um, you know, Keith, you know, was around. But so you go over there, we see those guys, but then you see on stage, it's fucking Jim Brewer, Dave Chappelle, no, Jim Brewer, I'm telling you, why are you fucking adding? Oh, I guess. Shut up. I'm, I, I just like guessing.

Shut, all right, well, guess on your own time. I guess, I'm nice like guessing. Shut. All right, well, guess on your own time. Oh, guessing, sorry. The, we had Dave Chappelle, Jay Moore. I mean, right when they were getting SNL, when these guys were right at their fucking beginning of their fame, when they were just killing it. And then we were all there, we were the new guys. And I remember hanging out,

we went to peep shows together, went down to Times Square, went to the peep shows, we were the new guys. And I remember hanging out, we went to Peep Shows together, went down to Times Square, went to the Peep Shows, we were just fucking blown away. I remember being in the car, trying to get out of the city, and there was just hookers back then, even all over this area that I live in now, Hell's Kitchen was a shit hole back then.

And 43rd Street, 44th Street, bumper to bumper traffic, trying to get prostitutes. And I'm talking chicks half naked. You know, G string big fucking tits hanging out. They can write over the car and whip out their titty. You liked that. It was crazy. It was fucking nuts back in the day. And then I remember we got lost going home,

but we all fell asleep and Dane was driving. And he just locked up the brakes and went, well, guys, and we all just want, what the fuck? But we used to come to ice drive Patrice down, me and Billy would come down. I'm in my Dave Dan moved into a little studio. Some guy, Barry cats found this guy that let Dane sublet disappointment. And when the guy came back, Dane had to sleep on the couch. It was weird, but we used to say, fuck it,

and we'd go to, we'd stay with Dane, because we had no place to go. And it was fucking nuts. And then, then Dane went first, then Billy, then Patrice. So that's the order that everyone moved to New York? Then Billy, then Patrice. So that's the order that everyone moved to New York. Yeah, that's the order that everybody, I know. And then, Dan and then Marley went to,

actually Bob went to LA. Bob Marley went to LA. Yeah, so it was Dan, but Dan was in New York for a minute and then went to LA. He was just gone. He didn't really, he didn't jive in New York too well. It was too much, too big, too crazy. And we weren't there. None of his friends were there.

So then he went to LA. He got a deal, blah, blah, blah, went to LA. He came back to New York for a minute, went then went to LA. And then then Billy came, Billy booked a gig right out of the gate with Molly Ringwall on a go, he just booked a pilot. Just right out there. That was a go pilot. That means this was airing 12 episodes. No shit. Yeah, which is fucking unheard of now.

Like this is going to, they bought 12 episodes. Molly Ringwall, it's fucking going and you're one of the leads. You're a guy. He booked it. Really? Yeah, like six months into your. Fuck.

And that's when, then Patrice came, I believe, after that. And then that's when I called Billy, I was like, dude, you're not at your place. You're never, you're in LA. You still have your place. It was like three, three, 25 a month. Jesus. I was like, dude, can I, I'll take your place.

I'll pay most of the rent when you come in. I'll hit the coach. And he was like, fine. So I just, I'll take your place. I'll pay most of the rent when you come in, I'll hit the couch. And he was like, fine. So I just, I had Billy's apartment. I moved to, I, a monthly admin house. Frosty called me up. I was waiting tables at La Joggio's, which means family Joggio.

You know, you're with Aldo Benny. I was waiting tables. I got a phone call from Frosty, who saw my acting reel, not my comedy. I don't think Frosty still likes my comedy. I saw my acting real because I did a bunch of movies in Beentown. I did like two movies in a play and some other bullshit. He was like, dude, I love your acting. You fucking great. You moved to New York. I would love to manage you or represent you in comedy blah, blah. I was like, okay. A month later, I was in New York. I would love to manage you, or represent you, and comedy blah blah. I was like, okay, a month later I was in New York.

And he fucking, he made me pay my dues, too, this cock sucker. He made me, like, I had to go to the clubs every night and hang out and never get on and fucking, you know, then all of it, yeah, but then I started getting in, and then he got me in at the cellar. He's the one who called Asti.

Really? Yeah, because he knew I was a hammer. He knows I could go up and fucking kill it. I just murdered it, so I went up to Asti, just murdered it. I was in at the cell who called SD. Really? Yeah, because he knew I was a hammer. He knows I could go up and fucking kill it. I just murdered it. So I went up for SD, just murdered it. I was in at the cell the first night. Like you, I was just in. I was just doing weekends.

Like that. Some people never do weekends. Some people, it takes a long time. I was just fucking in. Bang. And then yeah, but then it was a really cool time in New York, bro. With me, Voss, Bill, Bill came back, you know, and then Norton,

we were all hanging out. It was me, Norton, Voss, Keith, Patrice, Billy, we were all hanging out just at the Boston every night and then at the seller and then just staying out all night eating and fucking Boston. But it was probably the fucking best time. But one of the best times a comedy for me, other than back in Boston with D night, eaten, and fucking bust and bust. It was probably the fucking best time, but one of the best times a comedy for me, other than back in Boston with Dane, Billy Patrice, and me back then.

Yeah, but that's like legendary shit. And as far as the New York scene goes, as far as being a younger comedian, that's what when you moved here, you're like, oh shit, there's the crew like that, that came up, you know. Yeah. Well, when I moved here, the Boston became the comedy village.

Yeah. And I used to have to bark, and it was me and a Boston, I met a Boston comedian, Joe List, one of my best friends to this day. I like Joe List. He's... He's... A little weird. He is the funniest fucking human being I've ever met.

Let's not get carried away. I honestly believe in him. Don't say that to me. I don't want to say that to you. I thought you lied. I don't want to. I thought you just lied. I just made shit up. I know.

Well, you know, I'd rather have you, you know, but we're there at the end. All right, nice talking to you. Yeah, well, you're not really. You weren't going down that road. Not going down that. Not going down. You just really think Joe's the funniest guy.

He really makes me laugh so fucking well. You're not playing with that. You're not playing with that. I'm not playing with that. I'm dead fucking serious. At Joe's the funniest guy. He really makes me laugh so fucking you're not playing with that You're not playing with that that any joke. I'm dead fucking serious At Joe list comedy on Twitter. Oh, oh, no, you don't fucking promote You're taking a dump sip of your can of sprite. You just gave me a lot of you like the way you sit What do I do with everything dumplings? You like the way I sit. What do I do with everything? Dumblings, same thing, cereal.

It's almost like a bulldog breathing. Thanks, thanks for the fuck. Hey, you're getting in shape. Your arms are shot. Dude, I went to the gym yesterday. Holy shit. I've been going to the gym. I went Minneapolis twice and I've been the last three days.

I've worked out and I couldn't even, I had an itchching my ass all this morning You can get to and I have a nice little fingernail going so I could have got right in there and fucking scratch that wrinkle Yeah, I think that's what happens when a little fucking poo gets in the wrinkle If you don't wipe your butt properly and then you think itches Oh, I yesterday in that grocery store to one of those and I just got a four finger just fucking wait right in it on the outside Oh the outside through the jeans, but I mean right in the middle of the cereal aisle Yeah, you got that underwear in there and just it just scraped it

I don't know if there's a better feeling other than coming than itching an asshole itch Yeah, like in one if when it when it stops you an asshole which that paralyzes you What what do you mean a fucking an asshole? Like like you're like walking like I have to itch this immediately That stops you stops you in your tracks. Yeah, I never had one that dramatic. Maybe you don't I won't really haven't seen the top of the mountain Like I have I will have a big day too. I don't want to. Maybe you really haven't seen the top of the mountain. Like I have. I will have a bidet too. I don't have that much of a dirty ass. So, you know what?

Honestly got truth when I watched your dogs stay here to nervous to use the bidet. Really? It's too nervous. Even, you know, Joe. Did you go here for a week and a half? Yeah, that's didn't. 10 days you were here.

Didn't use it. You didn't use the fucking bidet. That's not once. You used my shower? You fucking did some nasty shit in my shower, but you didn't use the fucking bidet and you used my shower, you fucking did some nasty shit in my shower, but you didn't use the bidet. Why? I don't know.

That's fucking crazy man. Fear of what? Fear of water going in your asshole? Splashing my... Have you taken a shower? Yeah. Doesn't want to splash in your asshole then? Yeah.

So what's the problem? I don't know. It's not directly in. No. It's not a fucking, almost like a finger of water. Not like a super sucker of water right now. I tell you what, it feels really good. It feels nice. Ah, I still don't know that feeling.

You have, have you ever been to an Asian massage parlor? Yeah. The ones that wash you. Yeah. Well, you get a table shower. Yeah. Really? Yeah. What was the last time we went to one of those? Oh

They call that a classic by the way. Oh oh eight oh eight yeah Fucking 2012 Dan. I know who what the fuck is wrong with you? I don't know nothing's wrong with me It's having gone why because you can't afford it. I'm sick Yeah, that was that was the truth so you can't afford it. I'm stoked. Yeah. That was the truth. So you can't afford it. But now I call it that. I won't take, you got some morals or something.

No, I don't want more. So you'd go. If I paid for you right now to go, you'd go. If I gave you a fucking scene note right now. And I would put the 20 on top of the tip. Really? You'd take care of the tip. I'd take care of the tip.

Really? Yeah. I don't trust you. I would. I think you'd go and buy a video game and then fucking you. You already did the fucking math. Yeah, but you don't strike me as a fucking dirty guy. I don't really talk about that. I'm not really a dirty guy. I mean, let's let's not get carried away, you fuck. Yeah. You fuck, and you fuck, you'll fuck a broad well, right? Yeah. But you're not a pervert.

No, no, no, no, no. I have friends that are like, I'm impressed with their pervasiveness, is that what you're saying? No, that's not it at all. I'm dumb and I know, no. I will absolutely say no. Pervases. No, I'm not a full on perv.

Really? Yeah, it's, yeah, you're not, right? And I mean, like even on the Bailey J show, you tapped out, you didn't wanna be here. I didn't know, that's bullshit. I didn't say they wanna be here. You guys said I couldn't be here. Yeah, we said you couldn't be here.

You said that there weren't gonna be enough mics in room for me to be on the mic. Well, all right, let's just get to the truth. Yeah, we thought you were gonna be a party pooper I'm not gonna be a party prooper at all. Well, we thought you'd be finding dudes We didn't want hang on now. We didn't want you to fucking make her feel uncomfortable How am I like going fag and pointing at her like what you really think? You're the giggle You put another man's penis in your body, you're the giggle!

No, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. Yeah, man. Just because I'm not, this is gonna get my rocks off, I don't give a fuck. You've never, ever looked at a fucking Gmail, I was like, oh God, I'd fuck around with her. Bailey J, I looked at her as like, holy shit,

she is a good-looking dude. And, and, she fucking, she fucking, she's nice person. She's, yeah, I've never met him. But I assume so. Joe fell in love with her and that's fine. And that's fine. I'm just nodding the chicks with dicks. He's nodding the dicks.

Not in the dicks. I'm in my dick. You like your dick. I like my dick. Do you like your dick? I like my dick. You got a big piece. I got a good size piece. What size your dick. I like my dick. Do you like your dick? I like my dick. You get a big piece I got a good size piece. What size? Probably like seven and a half. Wow. Yeah. Did I just say wow? Yeah. Oh shit

Yeah Like there's little mini claps Yeah, I got a decent piece. I got a nice piece when I'm thin. I got a really nice piece You know you when you gain, you lose, you lose. You lose inches. Yeah. Because you're a bush fat. What, like, pushes.

Well, you're bush fat, gross. Yeah, yeah. Fat around your cockgros and you can't, you can't get as hard as you usually can. That's why if you ever see like a really tall skinny dude, you've probably got a fucking piece. Yeah, but it's just optical illusion. It is.

Because I was that tall skinny guy for a long time and I was like, look at me and then now I'm certain I got a fucking piece. Yeah, but it's just optical illusion. It is. Cause I was that tall skinny guy for a long time and I was like, look at me and then now I'm certain to get fucking retired cop body. Well, you get happy, fat dude. You get doing well fat. Yeah. When I first moved to New York, I was eating noodles

and noodles every day cause I had no money. Yeah. I remember I had $50 to my name. I remember having $50 to my name. I remember having $50 to my name. I remember having $12.39. It's crazy, right? Yeah, $12. And your head going, I'll make this work.

This is so. I lived in, that was when I lived in Tucson and I was working at the radio station doing comedy in the middle of the fucking desert and I would have to find the most creative ways to even buy groceries. Like what? I'd take CDs find the most creative ways to even buy groceries. Like what? I'd take CDs from the radio station

and go to the record store and sell them. No. Yeah, I specifically did a radio show where record companies would send me brand new CDs of like album. Like bands that are huge now, but we're breaking then like Kings of Leon and those kind of stuff. They'd send full albums.

And after like two weeks I'd have a box full in my trunk in my shitty Dodge Shadows I would take it to a record store. They look through all of them I would like go around the store look like deep I'd do that thing like if I had money I'd buy this DVD And I'd buy this video game and then I come back and they go do you want store credit of $280? Do you want 200 cash? I'm like give me 200. And that would be my money for like two weeks. It's crazy. That's the fucking, I used to, and I smoked cigarettes, it was weird.

Like I'd buy cigarettes. I used to have to go back, so I wanna touch on that too, cigarettes. I used to have to go back to bean town and do these shit gigs for shit money and take the, I remember taking the Greyhound. I won't take a bus to this day. I will not, because of what I had to do at the beginning of my career in New York, because I have two careers. I have the Boston career

where you know, I started and you know, I made my way and and then I have when I came to New York, which I really think that's when it all started for me. When I could say I'm a comedian, that I didn't have any job, I just did this, but that part of my life was beautiful and awesome, but I remember being fucking petrified. I remember just at night being hungry and gonna be eating my roommate's food. I'm gonna be here with like Chinese food or something because he had a regular job and I would go in and take bites out.

But I would walk, what I would do is I'd take a bite, wash the fork, take another bite, leave and see if that would take away the hunger. Like okay, and then if it didn't, I'd go back in, wash the fork, take another bite because if you take a bite of something and put it back in, wash the fork, take another bite, because if you take a bite of something and put it back in, the saliva will make that slimy. You know what I mean?

Do you ever do that with ice cream? If you take a bite of ice cream and use the same spoon and put it back in, your saliva's on that spoon. And the germs will fuck up the ice cream. Really? Yeah. So you can tell if someone's been eating your shit,

you can see like the saliva. Why do you have almost like a CSI approach to, you know way too much about food. Big no, I don't. I'm maybe, yeah, maybe you do. You're like, actually there's a trace of saliva. Bum. Bum.

But I, no, I used to do that. I used to eat my roommate's food, not because I wanted to, I had to. Fucking starving. I was to eat my romance food, not because I wanted to. I had to. Fucking starving. I was at a house party. This girl had a couple of people over and she had Chinese food and I had no money. And I was like drinking other people's beer.

I was just a shitchah. This was like, oh seven. And she was like, oh my god. Yeah, there's some vodka in the refrigerator, but just move that broccoli and that steak and broccoli I got from the Chinese. And she said that and I was like, oh, really? And I was eating it with my hands.

That's a big of a piece of shit I was. I'd take like a piece of steak, throw it in, then two broccoli, then shut it, put it back in the fridge and like look around and eat it, like a fucking squirrel. Like I'd look around and like, yeah, I just remember. and that's why I think I was trying to talk I was trying to fucking talk about this on own 80 other day when you get money when you can afford to I can go and eat wherever the fuck I want now I can go buy groceries I can have a full fridge

I own my fridge for God's sake it's a great fridge fridge. It's a great fridge. I got to use it for 10 days You did and you'll hopefully use it again someday, you know if you want to but you try to get me to watch It's a good apartment good apartment. Anyways, it's when you start to get money and you can go Why when you come from nothing and then you get something you tend to overdo it? You know, it's like now I can go get anything, I can go get a fucking, any pizza I want. I could go buy a slice at every pizza restaurant all the way up ninth Ave and I've done it

just to make sure the pizza's good. Oh, it's disgusting. Yeah, there's a deli by my house in a story that they make the greatest hot sandwiches I've ever had in my life. And that used to be my treat. Like once if I had a little bit of money and I paid like my cell phone bill and my cable bill and everything, I would go to the deli and get their hot pastrami sandwich. And now we're gonna stop.

Now I'm, I'm, I'm fucking, I'm going to the deli after we do this podcast. I'm fucking hungry right now. Oh, they got this chicken cutlet with bacon. Ooh. Oh, it's got ham. Ooh. Oh, in Thousand Island. Ooh.

Little cold slow. I tell you what, that's what saved me is working at the seller because back in the day, you didn't get paid. If you're a new comic, you got food spots. Yeah. There was paid comics and then food spot, but the food spot was way better

because you could order fucking $30 worth of food. You know, these guys were getting paid $20. I'm making 50. If you add up all the fucking food, I would, oh my God. They're so good. I remember going there and just being, that was my, if I didn't have the seller back in the day,

I wouldn't have fucking ate. I used to go there and get the fucking chicken and the salad and the dessert and the coffee. It was, you know, I would fuck around all day, eat little snacks and then get to the seller and be like, thank you, God. I used to do check spots. Remember when there was a laugh factory here for a little bit? Yeah, right in the street. Yeah, right in the tight.

This club literally blocks away from my house, Broadway, the other one up the street, what is that called? Right on 46th Street, a 47th Street. Ha. Oh, yeah, ha. Ha. Okay, yeah, but it's a club.

It is a club. And Lafactory, I don't, I fucking never do them. I can't. Well, Lafactory's gone. It I can laugh at you know, I just gone But you know easy it would have been I couldn't fucking go blocks away from my house Come home in between spots and be home early and still do five spots and I still won't fucking do it I still go down to the goddamn seller every fucking night But one of the managers I used to do check spots at the laugh factory

Mm-hmm, and she would pay me in sliders. And the low jobs? No, that would be way. Sliders. Yeah, they had sliders. They had sliders there. So you'd get, how many sliders? Six.

Six. Six. For a check spot. Wow. So I'd eat my dick. I'd just eat it. Just bomb. Right.

Everyone's paying their checks. Yeah. But it makes you tough as shit. Right. And then she'd be like, all right, cool. Do you want to be for the barbecue sliders? Would you get beef? Yeah, sometimes I do have 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1. Half and half.

So three and three. Three brisket. I do four and two. I'm not complicating the chefs. You know, that's just... Ha ha ha. Oh, God, nice. Ah, that was...

And then the other place that saved my ass was 53rd and 6th. There's a halal stand. Chicken and rice. I know exactly what it is. It's the best one in the city. It's a line. It's a line.

But if you cross 6th Avenue, if you're on the east side of 6th Avenue, same guys, it's called the VIP line. I didn't know that. You know, it took me Steve Burnt took me there. I used to go to the one that had the huge line. Right. Every Saturday when I worked at K-Rock.

Right. I'd get off work at 2am, I'd walk down there, and the guy finally saw me enough and he goes, hey bro, why don't you just go across the street? Same stuff, same stuff. Winnercross Street, four people in line, fucking got it in ten minutes. And I just ruined that. No, no one's gonna book that off shit. Six bucks though. I hope tomorrow it in ten minutes. And I just ruined that. No, I didn't. No one's gonna book that off shit. All right.

Has six bucks. I hope tomorrow it's just packed. I haven't got, I only go once a year because it gave me a bunch of. You can fucking survive in New York City. I remember O'Neill Adams. Remember O'Neill? Do you know him?

From the movie comedian. Okay, well O'Neill was here when I, he's from Boston too. And when I first came, he was here before me. He took me to my moons. He goes, so I do two bucks, full of full sandwich. Best sandwich you'll have in New York City, full of full, two dollars.

Then I used to go there and get my fucking, my, my food on for two bucks. Four bucks, you get two, you're stuffed. There's all the brothers pizza, dollar slices. Yeah, bends, there was a dollar back then. I remember going into bends and Patrice You know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, Besides the pizza, we do not do have. How much for? I wouldn't let it go. Oh, yeah. I, uh, nobody, not one fucking question. Here we go. Here's a question.

Ready? Uh, wife, Douger, clause into my arm until I turned off the live podcast. What the fuck? Jesus Christ. Why? Why would she do that? She's obviously not a diehard fan.

She's not a die, She's not a fan at all She's not a lady fan of the you know what dude? That's a yeah, she's not a fan at all It was fucking clawed the poor guy leave the guy alone Jeff. I'm sorry Jeff Let's look at Jeff last night. I actually met somebody stop looking at your phone. It's him I'm reading the phone. I'm reading it. You don't need to read it. I'm reading it No, you're I'm the fucking tweet. I'm reading it. You don't need to read it. I'm reading it. No, I'm the fucking producer of the show. The producer of the show.

All right, and talent. You're a producer of the show. I'm the producer. Put the phone down. Get away. Get your phone. No. You fucking, you're giving it next time you look at that phone.

It's coming over here. I own it. I'll fight you. I'll fight. You know what? Great part. I almost know if I have, I think I have the cardio and the, and the reach. Not anymore. You don't have the reach. I'll get you. I'll fight. You know what? Great part. I almost know if I have I think I have the cardio and the and the reach not anymore You don't have the reach. I'll get you. I'll get your shoe. I'll bite you to

I'll fight you know I fight. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna shoot. I'm not gonna fight fair with you either I'm taking that nose first thing I do is take the nose I'm gonna hit it so you can be like my note you're gonna see blood when you see blood You're gonna crack now I start breathing out of my mouth now you know because you're gonna get sad You're gonna go fuck when you see blood you're gonna cry. No, I start breathing out of my mouth now You know because you're gonna get sad you're gonna go fuck I got a show today Get some of these sharp elbows. I like that elbows right in the back of my eye like it my second dad used to do Go on like king Kong and electricity Why?

So fucking creepy So anyways, I Really? It should be up a little why? Anyways, dude, we Stop looking at God damn phone. Put it away. All right, good, good, good. Oh, the connection's timing out. It's failing.

What the fuck is going on? Oh my God. Oh my God. Um, it's fucking the connection is failing right now. I don't know why. We're on air. There we go. We're back. Jesus Christ. What the fuck? I'm telling you. Yeah. These problems we've been through. I'm never doing this live shit again. You know, we're gonna do this live shit again, Dan. We're doing this shit because you know what sucks? I have to keep looking at this stupid thing. And I don't know how many times that's fucking happened. I'm never doing it again. We do live. You know when? When? We're Republican

fucking party. That made when we were a Republican fucking party. That made when the fucking Democrats, let me know something. We're gonna do the, the, the, the, when the, the bates. No. The bates. No.

Why would we ever talk about? You know, funny, it would be if we covered a live podcast on the debates, when we would, do you understand we would be in just in the dark, a whole time. Yeah. We could just lie though. We do your little technique, the Dan Sota technique. Yes. The old, yeah, that's what it, yeah, it brings stuff up. I call it the cocktail party. The cocktail party. That's what I do. When I make a cocktail party, I know everything. I am. Of course, of course, Mitt Romney's, you know, economic strategy for the 2012 elections, twelve lessons obviously to be i think i think what happens with obama he's he gets to uh... convoluted into the issues of the republican party when

he should actually stick to what he knows i mean he's a democrat state of being a democrat uh... you put your best foot forward robbert while i agree with you you also need to look at the bipartisanship that's happening in Washington DC right now. I mean, the economic gridlock that's happening in the Senate, in the Congress, is due to this, and I was going to keep raising my voice. I'm going to talk about it. I know what I'm talking about.

That's fine. But if you, you can look at the bipartisanship, or you can look at the people that are shooting a straight line right into the heart of the American people. You can talk like this that I said we're gonna know what I'm talking about. Rick Santorum, that's all I know. That actually sounded pretty good. That sounded pretty good. That we could actually pull this off.

I think, you know what? We could do a political, what are they called? A, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, That's the end of our career. That's the end of our career. That's the end of our career. So I went back to the gym, dude. It's the first time I went to the gym in eight months. Last week, I'm in, I'm back. I did chest, I did, this week I did chest. I did, hang on now. Hang on now, I did chest, I did buys. Hello. And I did something else.

You had to do triceps. If you did chest. I did do trice. Tries it tomorrow, the next day. You should You had to do triceps. I did do trice. Tries it tomorrow, all the next day. You should always do chest and triceps. I know, but look dude, cut me some f- This is what bugs me about fucking being fat and being skinny. Because I know how, I've been fucking shredded.

Five time shut up. I've been shredded five times in my life. I know how, yes, I know how to get in shape. But this is the hard part, is when you get fat again, first of all, you get all these, it sucks being fat in the spotlight. You know what I mean? But it sucks being fat in general. Even the guy out there right now is fat listening.

And I think it's probably harder for them because nobody's telling them in general, even the guy out there right now is fat listening. And I think it's probably harder for them because nobody's telling them they're fat. Nobody's saying you're fat, what the fuck? Their job doesn't, there's no weight limit on their job. My job, I can't, there's certain roles I'm not getting because of who I look like. It hasn't a fat.

But would that work in the opposite? There may be some rules you are getting because of how you look? Yeah, that's bad too. Okay. You don't wanna get fat guy, you know, fat guy at fucking circus, you know. Tired boxer.

On the dude, the live podcast is cutting it in out. All right, well listen man, the live podcast, I don't know what the fuck to do man. I don't know what's going on. It's trying to gain the Saturday afternoon treat. It's this what you do. You're fucking some Matt Bailey J's husband, actually, right? Who really we didn't want you to offend when you were...

Why would I offend him? I don't have any problem. You keep singing, thinking like I'm like a fucking clansman. I don't give a shit. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. He actually is tweeting us right now that it's cutting in and out yeah, so refresh your fucking browsers if it's cutting in and out it's your signal. It's I blame you I don't blame us oh why would you here such a dick why I love that you you you you fix it you fix it I'm providing this for you you providing this shit for you is right

But yeah, dude losing weight is a motherfucker But when you lose weight and then you get people every fucking time people like you I don't know if you're really being serious But it's like dude you got to do this you got make sure you it's like I know I know I'm fat now. I'm not I shouldn't be telling anyone what to do on anything on anything on anything because you're neutral. I am so neutral I love that you'll go down any river I am I gave you your own microphone by the way. Thank you. That's your mic really. That's the Dan mic. It's black. It is it's a 100s That's a nice look at that. That's a nice mic. I have my own mic the 200 gold

Joe has his Sure 58 sure 58 this sounds like we all have our different guns Yeah, we do we have different guns in the show we go with the blue microphone wouldn't knew Joe likes the standard That's fine the The Warhorse. Warhorse. He's got his own industry. He's 357 Magnum that he's comfortable with. Saturday night special.

We got desert eagles. God damn right we do. And you got a girl gun. Go fuck yourself. Why? Anyways man, that's about it dude. I think we're wrapping this fuck in up anyways. What?

He's farting on my fucking chair dude. I didn't know he didn't, I lifted my ass hole so I didn't turn it. Yeah, but that's on my chair. That's, that's, it went up. Dude, those chairs are expensive. I went up. That chair's 260. Can we talk about UFC three?

That's 260. This is a $266 chair. Yes! It's very nice. It's a fucking $206, but I don't think you're aware. I know we are cutting it in out. Just refresh your, can we talk about video games? Hang on now. Yes, we're gonna talk about video cutting in and out. Just refresh your, it's our video games.

Hang on now. Yes, we're gonna talk about video games in a second. You're like a little kiss. What are you getting mad at? Settle down. I'm not. I was actually just claiming that throughout. Okay.

Listen, if it's cutting in and out, make sure you refresh your browser or use a different browser. Okay, I don't know what to tell you kids. I don't like that you call them kids. Why? Because I'm taking the side of the fans right now because I am neutral.

Yeah. It's not neutral dude. You can't take a side if you're neutral. You're actually taking a side. If you're neutral, you have to just not say anything and just take it. So I'm doing it right now. Well, you have C last night, you have C ultimate fighter.

Yeah, I was supposed to go to Lewis Gomez's and watch it. I watched it. What do you think? It was good, but it was awkward. You can do a lie, you know, there's no audience. There's no, so there's a lot of dead space. There's a lot of dead air like this podcast. There's a lot of,

I think I got a point. There's, you know, there was in between fights before the fight, even during the fight, there's not that crowd, it's just them, you can hear them breathing and, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, say, say! That's awful. So, um, yeah. So, and then when they cut to the coaches, you could hear the coaches. Yeah.

And Dana White going at it, Cruz and, uh, what's his name? What's the other guy? Come on. I don't even know. Fuck are you? It's Cruz and, uh... Come on, the blonde guy, the fucking California kid. Oh, your eye favor.

Your eye favor, his name, it's not Ausitz, it's fucking stupid name that. Your riba. Your riba. Your riba. Your eb. Your eb-thra. He was on it.

I mean, they were kind of interesting, but then they cut the Dana and Dana, and Dana, they said Dana were up to be like a commentator, like the middle guy. You know, that guy has to be like, all right, we're here at the fights and what do you think, you're right? And then, all right, how about you, Cruz? What did you think of that? He has to have like some type of that cheesy commentator, you know, middle man guy, the ESPN

guy, you know what I mean? That guy was introducing the fights and talking to Dana in the middle. Dana was the fucking guy, so he'd be like, so what do you think, you're all right? All right, well, and then they'd look at the camera, all right? Well, that's what the coaches think. Back to you. And it was, you could tell he was uncomfortable.

And he said the same catchphrase over and over, like back to you, back to you. Back to you. You can't look like, you kind of look like Dana White if you never got it together. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. back to you. You kind of look like you kind of look like Dana White if you never got it together. If you would have never started the UFC, maybe do a podcast. That made me happy. That one made me happy.

Oh, just they want us to fix it. Oh my God, never mind. You know what? You know what? I'm on your side now, Bobby. Why? I'm saying they should fix it. Refresh your browser. Oh, neutral. Dan is back. I like, I like Bobby Dan. I like Bobby Dan.

What's Bobby Dan? You're on my side all the time. You like lap dog Dan? I, I don't know. It's a lap to see. Now you're making it negative. It's Bobby Dan. Bobby Dan sounds emasculating your head negative.

So lap dog Dan, at least it's fucking honest. So anyways, I think the show is all right, but there was a gay fighter. So hang on, I know so. I'm actually glad. So you know what I did right there? Yeah, I tried to take the side before you. Yeah.

You tried to, so you made, you have so what man? Hey, real people. Hey man. Well, it's fucking, look man, I think it's fucking great that because you know some of the fighters are gay, but this guy is a gay. He's got a fiance, he's got kids, he did gay porn. That makes you gay.

Yeah. If you do gay porn, you're fucking, you're gay. There's a guy I worked with at the restaurant, he's like a male model. And he's suck your cock? No, he did not. He used to pay you in pretzels to suck your dick. I don't even know what, where did you pull that one out of? Cause you needed food. Pay you in pretzels to suck your dick. I don't even know what, where did you pull that one out of?

Could you need it food? Pay you in pretzels to suck your dick. That sounds fucking gross. It's like some clockwork orange here. I could just see you crying eating pretzels. You're not even warm. We're in someone there's no mustard left. I'm booing.

No, but this guy, he was like kind of an idiot, male model. Smoking hot girlfriend. Because you know, waiters always go out and drink with each other after their shifts. Right. And worked with two gay guys. He stopped working there, about a month later. They were like, so and so does gay for pay.

And they, there was like a, there was like a, that's term. Yeah, gay for pay. Gay for pay. That is a term that gay porn stars do. Really? If they like want to do, I've heard like, kind of like how comics have to do like check spots

and like really shitty stuff for like really awful road gigs. Apparently some male porn stars have to do gay porn first. Really? Yeah. So it's like like fucking a bringer show. Yeah You have to you have to fucking so you instead of bringing five people you have to suck five cops You have to take a load and then you might get the fucking new starlet Wow God I picked a comedy well, I mean

Like I had a choice here's a dad you did you could porn. You could, you definitely have a porn guy face. You definitely could do porn. You have, you have that, yeah, you have that fucking, that you absolutely have porn guy face. Absolutely. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, you could definitely, and you probably have seven and an inch or seven and a half. Yeah. Yeah. You could pull off porn, dude. Apps are fucking little. You fucking a little weird like a hip tattoo. Like a pirate ship tattoo right on my hip. Well, male porcelain always have those weird tattoos on their fucking their hips. Yeah, you never seen that. No. Yeah, man. No, I never seen, I've never seen it. Right. He should pay attention. But I think, I don't know if it's, I mean,

here's this guy who's got a wife and he's got kids and he's like, I'm fighting for my family and he lost, which sucked. I felt bad that he lost because I would have loved to see him on the show. I would have loved to see what happened. Yeah. Oh, shit talking?

That would have gone on with that? I don't think it would have. I think one, maybe maybe two guys would have been like, look man, I'm not fucking. Our guy like Chris Lieben would fucking. Yeah, but I think now where we are in the sport, in the sport on F Fox, which is a network, that's a big show. I think that, you know, Dana White was asked by Aero Hawane,

what he thought, and he was like, I don't care. Who cares? Yeah, so he's gay, who cares? But is he gay? He's saying, you know, is he gay? He's a gay porn. I mean, okay, I'm asking the people out there listening right now that are kind of listening.

If you didn't refresh your fucking browser, or hit stop and play again. So, one's killing their kitchen. Right, if kind of listening, if you didn't refresh your fucking browser, or hit stop and play again. So, on their kitchen. Right, if you're listening is, is, is, you did gay porn, and I am talking gay, we're talking porn. Like, I fucking put that phone. Let me get that, put that in.

Let me suck. Okay, let's suck. Okay, all right. I wanna put it in, just give it to miss I threw how big I Make it please I really just pulled a fucking girl on a morning show Girl on a morning show. Yeah, you guys the whole yeah I mean, you know, I mean what do you say? Okay, I did that to make money

You took it in the ass you suck the cock whatever I don't know I Don't give a shit if you don't give a shit. That's my motto that if you don't give a shit. I don't give a shit, that's my motto. If you don't give a shit, I don't give a shit. I don't care. If you like to get your fucking, your eye shit on, if that's your thing, I'm just picking a weird. Really just throwing shit at that? If you like, I like, dude, I have to get my eye shit on.

I have to have a girl shit on my eye, like in it. Like I have to have one eye open. Not the left eye. Not the left eye left eye on the right eye the only right eye You're gonna get hepatitis. Well, I do I was at the gym yesterday and there's a fucking guy I Ask Bobby about the gym Jim. Alright, hey, we're live right now with Randy, the Macho Man Savage. Ready, you have something you want to tell the crowd.

Yeah, a lot of people been asking me, Macho Man, where do you get your merch? Yeah, I got a right cast.com, I look at all the t-shirts, I pick one that I like. I buy one for me, yeah, get one for Elizabeth. I get the coffee mug. Yeah, you think macho madness Don't run wild on coffee boom. Yeah, dig it. Also make sure you go to riotcast.com Subscribe to them. Yeah, you got the Jersey jerks. You got the hammer fisting. You got the comedy seller and make sure that you're going subscribe From the macho man and make sure you listen, you know what dude Subscribe Hey, so I should tweet it Bobby about that be here. All right, I get it.

All right, there wasn't about that. I'm watching Dr. Phil. Yeah. Guy on there, 25, he likes to be a baby. And his girl, he dresses in baby clothes. Where's a diaper, sleeps in a crib, sucks his thumb, only talks in baby. Do it like the bug, gah, gah, gah, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg,

and his girl is a normal broad, and wound up cheating on him. Oh. And then, and then went back, she went back to him. Cause a baby sex. And now totally, totally, treats him like a baby, like she's a mumbo, changes him, feeds him, eats, him eats baby food bottle all that shit

You do have a job this guy has a job. She has a job their parents don't know They will now because she was on Dr. Phil, but it's like look if I Don't give a fuck dude. They ain't hurting me a regular fucking guy. Yeah Regular fucking guy, but if you're into that shit, you're into that shit. Yeah, if you don't care I don't give a shit. Yeah, I always make that joke of like Like girls peeing on me and pooping on me because I find it so funny That there's people that get off on that really I think it's fucking hilarious that someone lays down in a bathtub In a cold bathtub on the floor floor, with plastic bags down.

How do I know? Yeah, well, I don't know. But they put saran wrap on their chest and have a woman take a dump. People that makes their dick hard. Look, man, it's fucking hilarious. I know what it is. I'll tell you what it is.

It's being humiliated. Yes. It's from, That's why you stand Yes. It's from... That's why you stand up. That's why you're getting pooped on the chest. What? It's rigged on that. That's what it is.

It's getting paying somebody to do that is fucking humiliating them. Pay to pay on that. And having that done to you. Now, would you do it to somebody? Would you pay on who? Who wants? Who?

I would never poo on anybody. I don't like poop. I don't like I don't like things coming out of asshole. I don't like that. I mean, I'm a P on someone. Yeah, I couldn't I couldn't fuck a chick that I peed on. Really? It's fucking what do I appear in the shower? P on her in the shower. It'd a joke like hey, you feel that? You be like you fucking asshole. It's not gonna be like mama wants some pee. I've pissed on my wife's shin Yeah, and she fucking flipped out. Yeah, cuz it's hilarious But I got a big shower. How great is my shower? It's fucking awesome. You fucked in it. Yep

Anyways, I sure monster monsterages in my dreams, living and breathing. I know a fucking monster's gonna come up. Oh, got to go to a podcast. Ha ha ha. How are we on the podcast? But this guy is on, and he didn't win last night, but I mean, if this guy made it into the house,

I mean, how do you, what do you say? I'm not gay. Dude, you, I saw, they're you, what do you say? I'm not gay. Dude, I saw, they're gonna see the videos. I saw the video, a little bit of it, all of it. I jerked off to it. Listen, I was calling, what's his name? Go on, man, it's just today. Because I can't forget the dude's name,

and I was like, what's his name again? What's the website again? How do I get to? He's like, Jesus, home overlaid. Just Google it. What do you want me to do? I want you to tell you, Bobby. I'll send you the link.

Yeah, but it was weird to me that I think it's great that we're at that stage where nobody gives a fuck. Do you think that, you think Dana White, 10 years ago, all those fighters would have liked it? Oh, no way no way when the when Lidel and Couture that whole rivalry was happening and they were doing like, you know, Couture Lidel 2 Uh-huh, and the sport was just starting to really get some traction in the mainstream right no fucking way no fucking way season one in the mainstream. Right. No fucking way. No fucking way. Season one. No. That's what I said. Chris Lehman, season one. There's no fucking way. Yeah. No fucking. But now fucking who cares? He gives a shit. That'd be funny though. If he did make it and he became a champion and he had to

be on the video game. You know the guys in the video game would fuck around and do some like code shit. If you, you know, X, X Y, X Y, and all of a sudden he takes, he starts doing a strip dance, man, and then he just jumps, and he jumps on the guy's face and rubs his balls on. He's doing North to South, and he does a couple thrusts, he's got North South hold on him.

You know, he could go for the choke right here. Oh my god, he's helping his face. How did you just hold my face? You just you hold down a and y at the same time and then just tap the top left button Face fuck Kelly she's an Australian and she got mad that I actually made fun of a show. He's a good friend of mine. Is she? Yeah, and she got mad at me. Yes, I saw it this summer last night. She was the so I was at the, um, here we go. Hang on, let's take a, okay, uh, you be Kelly and I, uh, I'm gonna try to get over my phobia of the fucking Australian accent. Okay, um, here we go.

Well, hang on, let's take a, okay, uh, you be Kelly and I, uh, I'm gonna try to get over my phobia of the fucking Australian accent. Okay, um, here we go. We'll hang on, let's take a, okay, uh, you be Kelly and I, uh, I'm gonna try to get over my phobia of the fucking Australian accent. Okay, here we go. Well, hang on, let's take a, okay, you be Kelly and I, I'll be me try to get over. Okay, hey, how you doing, Kelly?

I should go Kelly for the first. Hi! Okay, what's up? Hey, where are you? How the fuck get out? I'm out because everything ends on an up-note oh How was you said do you work really? Yeah, it goes up at the end?

Yeah, all the fucking time and that's what kills me. Oh Let me let me try it. All right. Let me go. Let me try one more time right here. We go. Hey, what's up Kelly? How are you? All right, how was you sick? Ah, how are you feeling? Was you sick? Good. It was good. I'm fine. You? Yeah. Ah, yeah.

Where? Where is she? Where are you coming from? Or is she saving EC? Ah! EC, please! Ah! Where? Where? E-C-B-E-E-S-T! Wow! Where? Where?

Really? You get any much pots? I got one more! I got another one! Coming up? So on the East side? Kevin bad? This is the worst off-screen egg that ever. She said stop. Listen. Listen.

I love Kelly so much, but this is she a comedian. Yeah. Well, where did you start doing comedy Kelly? I'll start it on straight. Yeah. He's being. I forgot what part of the island she's She sounds like a sweet girl. She is she's awesome. She's really fun. We have her on the show sometime. Yeah All right, well she'd have run she's funny. Is she funny? She's really funny. All right. We'll have her on the show I don't I don't know if I can do it though that fucking she's like booby Look at that, come with me! I can't fucking... It's just, it's the up at the end. It's the up at the end.

No, I... Whenever I tried to do my Australian accent for her, she was like, that is awful. She's fine. She just said, stop! Stop! Done! Done, stop!

No! Done! Done! Stop! Noo! So, yeah, we'll have her on the show. We'll definitely have her. Yeah, let's try to get you over here, phobia. God damn, I don't know if it's gonna be awesome. What, having her on the show? Yeah, to get you over here.

Woof! Somebody wants you to do, he's unevolved, vocal cords are perfect for a swatzen A grimper sh** I don't do it He said you're on a vocal cord I like that John Mucky Muck

I've been blocking a m- you block people on Twitter and fake do you do that sh** I don't give a f**k You don't block people No if you're gonna talk sh** to me on Twitter get a f**king life Really? Yeah, f**k you I don't give a sh** I'm not gonna block you I'm not gonna give you some people look for that like oh I'm so I'm such a bad boy on Twitter I'm not gonna block you. I'm not gonna give you, some people look for that. Like, oh, I'm so, I'm such a bad boy on Twitter. I'm like, what the fuck yourself?

Creative. Get creative. Wow, you're not fucking, you're not neutral then on that topic. No, I think it's fucking, it's like, here's the shitty part, like you talk about it, and I want to get into a whole Twitter conversation. Okay, go ahead.

But a shitty part about being a young comedian is you still don't fucking know if you belong in the shit. You still doubt it. I want to get into a whole Twitter conversation. Okay, go ahead. But a shitty part about being a young comedian is, you still don't fucking know if you belong in this shit. You still doubt every joke, you doubt every time. You know, when someone says good set, you're like, did they mean that? And so if someone's gonna go online and try to trash me and be like, just go, he's so fuck you, go get a hobby.

Yeah. Don't trash me. If I don't like something, I just don't acknowledge it. Yeah, I will because you're not an asshole. Yeah, you're not a fucking Yeah, if I don't like it I get thank you call you There's a movie I just go to sandwich stories

I'm walking sandwich in the sunshine. I'm walking, sign me, she's in the sunshine. I sound like a fucking... I can't fucking take it. It's an awful Australia, no. Oh God. Anyways, yeah, well dude, here, I'll tell you this, it doesn't stop, dude. That feeling of, am I doing, am I,

even when you sell out a room, or even when you're making money, or you get a gig or you're on a par, you're always at even at get a gig or you're on a par, you're always at even at this stage, you're like, did I make the right fucking choice? And back it sucks because now you gotta look at the statistics. Good or bad, okay? If you got a lot of people that are following you on Twitter and you look at the stats and you block maybe 10 people a month.

10 people out of thousands. Or even to say you, you get 17,000, whatever, right? You have, how many? I have 1,700. 1,700 people. I have 1,600 people. Okay, but there's still a lot of people. That's a lot of people, right?

You went up at Dan Soda Mm-hmm on Twitter. So doer. If you don't have a soda accent. Yeah, sorry soda Dan soda fucking Over there just let you know is bio comedian and nap taker That's what I do. I was really good Joe. I don't want to be funny in 143 what I do is really good joe's I don't want to be funny in 140 characters fuck funny in 140 you know what fairs fair

you read it in Australia are you going to go to boobies boobies boy I say ffffffffffff Yeah, I really do make a statement you want it you want the danger How about this? I'm gonna change it right now. I'm gonna change what are you gonna change it to I I'm gonna change my profile bio to I stink good god damn I stink I'm gonna change mine because I like this so much I'm gonna change mine to unavolved vocal cords I like that so much I'm changing of mine I think I can't take my phone out all way till I get

Well, you can't do it on your phone anyways. How's that you have to do it on the computer? So with your fucking Put an old story in it. You know maybe you bully you I listen it's something about it. I get it. She's a sweet girl. I'd love to have her on We can definitely do that, but it's it's just got to get wait for that. Oh God I just I just I can't oh the fucking upswing at the end But anyways dude back to the we're trying to get to this thing I just you know this this this this show last night. I think it's okay. I think UFC on

FX was okay. I love what FX is with Fox is doing with the UFC all the extra shit with Fox is doing with the UFC, all the extra shit, the interviews and the shows and all the UFC fucking behind the sea, all this crazy shit that they're doing. I like, they got it on fuel, all the UFC FX, a Fox two, blah, blah, blah, and the main Fox, it's all over the place now, it's great. It's important, what's good for it is it's important for the sport to have access to young fighters. So that way you feel a connection when they come

up through the ranks. Boxing boxing does not do that. That's why boxing is dying very quickly. Right. You don't know any no you don't know any new fighters. You don't know anybody. Well this fun. Look at you know, Clitchco has has like five championships, five heavyweight championships. He could unify the belt. But it's over. Yeah, but his brother has the other one. There's brother has the other two. Dirty.

But it doesn't make sense. It's like this should be one fucking, one main belt. What you have see is the main fucking. John Jones is the light heavyweight champion. Of the fucking. Junior Doss Santos is the heavyweight champion of the fucking junior dos Santos is the heavyweight champion of the world. Bob Kelly is the fucking championship of looking like a shitty Dana White. Look go blaster tries. I can't even move around. But I think I think that it's, it's good.

Fox is great for the sport, but that ultimate fighter thing, the live aspect of it. Well, they're learning. They're learning they can't do it. They fucked up with that, dude. I don't think live is, is, is fucking good, man. They, they really knocked it out of their park on their recent video game. Um, we're gonna, we're gonna transition to that right now is, now is I haven't got it. It is.

I could have I wish somebody would send it to me. UFC 3 undisputed is possibly I'm a huge. I loved all the fight nights. Yeah. I remember playing the first UFC video game on dream cast. I can't get the fact it's stupid accent out of my head. No, please stop. You have C video game on Dreamcast. I can't get the fuck, it's stupid accent out of my head. No! Dude, please stop.

It's ringing in my ear like a fucking Metallica concert. Good, good, good. No. No. No. This is the greatest mixed martial arts video game ever put out there. It is.

Easily. And now, you can do cage control. You can do. What does that mean? Like, up against the cage? now, you can do cage control. You can do. What does that mean? Like, up against the cage? Yeah, you can do everything accurate. The first UFC video game was punching and kicking. Right.

And you could occasionally catch their punch and take it to the ground and ground and pound. That was it. This one, you could slip into fucking half side control. You can get, you know, you can get these new, you can do all the aspects of Jiu-Jitsu, where you can take them on the ground, fall back on your back, control them from a full guard. It sounds a lot of learning, man.

That sounds like a character. They do it, but when you put the game in, they do a tutorial that takes about 45 minutes and then you know how to do everything, because they simplify it with just a couple controls. It's fucking awesome. They have pride on there. You can do the pride, grandly. Really? Really?

With like old Chuck LaDelle, old show gun, when he was like 18, old. The deal with a belly? Yeah. V-Tor Bell for, like when he was young. How, what about the graphics? Unbelievable. Really?

Unbelievable. The cuts look incredibly accurate. Here's a deal. I was talking to Lazlo, who I fucking love over at rockstar. Do you know him? No, Lazlo is over at rockstar. He's an open Anthony guy. I used to have his own show on I think he might still I don't know, but he was telling me about it's it's fucked because they do rockstar video games Yeah, you know, you know, they do red dead and all that. Yeah, I have some great ones great fucking video game Of course some of the best but they you know the Xbox is so old

It's like they can put so much more data on a fucking blu-ray and make the game so much more better But they can't because the the fucking actual Hardware yeah isn't up to fucking snuff well Xbox a lot of times when you get a new game like when I got Arkham city they they may it's an update you have to update it They change something yeah, but the hardware hardware isn't you can't play on Xbox. So when they make a game, they have to make it for Xbox two. They can't make a better game for Sony that has Blu-ray that could play put more data on a CD to make it better.

So they have to make it for if Xbox would fucking up their stupid system and make a new Xbox. Hey, uh, yeah Happy I got you see goddamn soft eyes. God damn it. Yeah, I love you have C3 if you're a fan of mixed martial arts and you own an Xbox or a PlayStation Get it and can you do life? Yeah, you can't because you know what I'm gonna do in the next month What are you gonna do Dan and then I'm gonna get Xbox live then what are you gonna do in the next month for this country? I'm gonna guy you in get Xbox live and Hick it up to my Xbox boy you see undispeeding through God, oh my fucking you watch angry boys though. What you watch angry boys? I do I do

We have a fucking thick ass Austrian. I watch it with with with it's like eating spicy food You're like oh fucking hot, but I want to do it again Yeah, I mean like you're doing that accent now. I just want to hear more of it But I of it. But I. In deep, baby. Baby, can we. My name. Baby, can we hear me?

You should go do the Australian comedy festival. In X committee and you say them on two games. Him on Comedy Central. He's also got his war. You know what? Dean. Okay. I get hit.

Do you get two new voices today? I did. What was the Indian? What was the Indian? White actor playing an Indian. White actor playing an Indian for a actor playing Indian for the whole days. For the bold chief does not like the voice of the convict across the ocean.

For later in the day, I will go back to my tribe and find a meal made of the breast of a chicken with a spice like that of a hot summer day. For when the coyote locks eyes with the rattlesnake, I will have, but, no, yeah, two new voices, put that in the satchel.

What the fuck was chicken? Shit, so get it, get that guy. Lock it, hey, I'm excited to go home and play it before my shoes. All right, man. I'm gonna be a... What, we're gonna be it's self by Southwest. Yeah. This week.

That Wednesday. This week, this podcast comes out on Monday. We're recording it now and it's actually gonna come out on. Monday Monday, is that a song? Yeah, it is. Is it on the Sunday? No, it's on the Sunday. Is it Sunday?

Sunday, oh fuck. Thursday, not Thursday, Friday, no. Saturday, no. Monday, Monday, Tuesday, no. Wednesday, no. Thursday, Thursday. You see the Sunday of Monday? Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

Monday, all right. Anyways, yeah, we're gonna be at South Bas, Southwest, coming up, I'm gonna be a South by Southwest coming up. I'm gonna be there. We're both doing a show Wednesday. I'm hosting your show. You're hosting it. I'm closing it.

Gary Goman, Amy, fucking Schumer. And Doug Benson. And we're gonna do a podcast live from, and Doug Benson, live from somewhere out there. We're gonna do it. It might be late. It might be not be live. It's gonna be late and you might be shit-faced and I might be full

That's my I'm not yeah, I'll probably have a couple beers in there. Yeah, a couple beers But we'll get another one in for next week and Well get maybe we'll get Kelly on next Monday She's trying to do Rosa too. She should see, uh... He doesn't hate the accent like you do. Oh God. Nice.

I, uh, no, I just want to itch my arm, and I can't itch my arm because I was... It's really sad to watch you attempt that. I can't because my fucking, I think you're all, she's for this duck. Fucking sucks. I'm so excited for this hot sandwich I'm about to go by.

Oh really? Is it near here? No, it's in the story of course. Oh, okay, thanks for inviting me. I I'm about to go by oh really is it near here? No, it's a story Okay, thanks for inviting me. I don't want to ride Yeah, I did Like you're fucking attempted in Australia next to me before You call that the name of the episode You call that the name of the episode I'm the accent we called no I'm gonna smell that we'd have to have that broad fucking type of known for us. Hey

Anyways, so yeah, we're gonna do a little tech talk right now We have a new tech talk theme song that's gonna be played. So we're gonna play that we do a little tech talk with not We're gonna do tech talk with Bobby and Dan. Like, like, like, something. It's just awful. It doesn't work. But no, it's like, it's obvious that like, they just put it over. It's because it's the original song. Like, tag talk with Bobby and Dan. Cause Joe's not here, man. So we're going to be doing a tech talk with me and you today

for the podcast. So enjoy this. Here's the new theme song. The new tech talk with Pavian Dan. She do it in Australian accent. Staying with Boolean, Dan. Fuck you. All right, thanks for listening. Thanks for tuning in. We had a few hundred people listen in live. I appreciate you taking the time. We do this once in a while. It fucks up most of the time, if you just refresh your browser

and use your, you know, a Chrome or a Firefox, it will actually work, just refresh it in a workout. Sorry for the, whatever the fuck if it wasn't working at the beginning, Matty, Matty, Bailey J's man, thank you for helping us out today. Let me know that shit was stutter stepping Check out their podcast to Billy J's podcast on iTunes. We get Dan Soda at Dan Soda Soda Soda Soda Soda Soda aka monster voice aka old Indian aka fucking shit accent shit. I'll try it. I

Yeah, he fucking shit accent shit. I'll try it. I um And you know of course me, but make sure you go if you're fan of the show It's at YKWD podcast at YKWD podcast and Make sure you hit us up on there And of course check out all the other shows on my cast. Thanks for listening. It's a rap YKWD Live Saturday afternoon special show

with me and Dan is, I think my neighbor's fucking cleaning up a murder. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick but you're still listening, you're fucking listening and you know the secret that we just had. We're doing live, tech talk this week. I'm going to be reviewing hoodies with a headphone. What is that? Exactly what it is. It's a fucking hoodie right here. They were nice enough. the company was nice enough, I had my assistant call up, the company,

and it was nice enough, it's called hoody buddy. You can go to hoodybuddy.com and they have a shitload of hoodies, I'm a big fucking hoodie fan. Love hoodies. Hoodies are great to travel with. It's great, you put the hood over your head on a plane. I feel like a fucking Jedi half the time.

No, I don't know about that. No, I feel warm. I don't know if that's what you mean by Jedi's a warm? No. I feel like I have mystical powers. Oh, you do. Mm-hmm. Ha, ha, ha.

If you travel a lot, you're everybody as a hoodie. You have a hoodie. It's fucking great. Walking around, it's working out. I don't know. But let me explain what the fuck it is first. It's a hoodie. You go a hoodie, it's fucking great. Walking around, it's working out, I don't know, but let me explain what the fuck it is first. It's a hoodie, go to hoodiebuddy.com and they have a shitload of different varieties of hoodies.

Black ones, gray one, as Joe would say, Heathered, they have Heathered, Nylon, workout ones, fleece ones, the inside the pocket, they have a plug to plug your iPhone or MP3 player or fucking shit droid whatever you have in the pocket. And then the actual hoodie strings, the hoodie strings are headphones. Whoa. Okay, so the hoodie strings are the actual headphones and they're actually good headphones. They fit your ear good, they're any ear headphones of course. They fit in your ear pretty, they're any ear headphones, of course.

They fit in your ear pretty good. They block out a lot of sound. I used it on a plane. It was better than Apple as far as blocking out sound because they go inside the canal a little bit, so they fit. They're great for walking around the city. You just have your phone in your pocket,

and it has enough cord to pull out so you can answer the, you can talk on them too They don't have a mic. Yeah, but you can't still talk of you talking to the bottom of the phone It's not great, but you can manage it But as far as listening to your music walk around the city in an airport Listen into the you know what did podcasts. Yeah, fucking it's awesome. The hoodie buddy is awesome one thing You can't work out in it because it gets too hot I wore mine to the gym like an asshole

And I was just I was the only asshole with a hoodie on it the gym on a treadmill. I had to take it all I think a high school wrestler trying to cut weight. Yeah, you gotta yeah, you gotta definitely bring an extra Different pair of headphones to the gym But you can wear it to the gym a different pair of headphones to the gym, but you can wear it to the gym. You can wear it around the house. You can wear it on a traveling. I love it. It's fucking great. It's hoodybuddy.com. There's all different kinds. They got regular black hoodies, cloth hoodies, cotton hoodies. I got this. They sent me this really nice nylon one. I tried to get them to send me three. One for you, one for Joe, one for me, but they didn't do it. They sent me this really nice nylon one. I tried to get them to send me three.

One for you, one for Joe, one for me, but they didn't do it. They sent one and they actually sent the least favorite one, the one I wanted. I wanted the Double XL Black Light Hoodie Cotton. They sent me this one, which is the nylon one. And... Hey, but you know what?

What? You got to try it out. Yeah, but I would have liked to get you one. So if they're listening or they actually hear this, why don't you send me the nylon one. And... Hey, but you know what? What? You got to try it out. Yeah, but I would have liked to get you on. So if they're listening or they actually hear this, why don't you send me the other, you want to double X, right? Yeah. Double X hoodie for fucking...

I think single X. A single X. Single X, I've got long arms. If you have XL long, I'll do that. What the fuck is XL long? It's for fucking weird people like me that... Don't get mad at me that you'll be here. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the sync.

We'll use the F word, the sync. I was looking at the sink. Why? So. Two word conflict. And they sold these at Old Navy for a minute last year for 40 bucks, 44 bucks. Yeah.

And I don't know where the fuck I was because if I saw one of these at Old Navy, I would have grabbed one of them. I think it's the greatest fucking thing ever made. I love this thing. Hoodie buddy, having your your because I hate chords. I hate having to wrap up my fucking headphones put them in my pocket They fall out you lose them all just a fucking pain in the ass This shit built right the fucking you're wearing a hoodie right now got a hoodie buddy

Nope, so you get you fucking what? Yeah, I got I got to pull out my earbuds and put them in put them in and they're fun might get caught on something. One of these buttons on my jacket that's over my hoodie. Right. Not if you had hoodie buddy on right now. Problem problem solved. Problem solved. Done. Boom. Hoodie buddy dot com. Dude you got your fucking headphones you got your hoodie you got your fucking your iPhone boom. You guys wrap up, it's a fucking wrap! So hoodybody.com, my new favorite thing, thanks you sending me out one of these things. Make sure, make sure you send them an email

if you do buy one, tell them you heard it from us, the YKWD podcast, and I'm gonna try to get Dan and Joe one, one of their own little hoody buddies. You know, Joe would love a hoody buddy. Yeah, he'd love it, eat it up. Heather, Heather, a Heather, a hoodie buddy. And what is your tech top? This, this is actually my tech top. This is, this is tech talk. This is tech talk with Bobby and then, yeah, it's different. It's the dubbed over version. Um, my tech talk is UFC 3 undisputed,

made by a THQ's UFC undisputed 3 for Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. Which we talked about a little bit on the show. Talk about it a little bit. Greatest MMA game ever made. If you're a fan of mixed martial arts, if you're a fan of boxing or fighting by this game, it's got a great creative player career mode.

You can either take an existing fighter and go through the ranks. You start in the the world fighting alliance. Right. If you know MMA, you know that's kind of their minor leagues. Yeah. You do some fights. You get scoured by UFC. You go to the fight night. Wow. And then if you win enough fights, you go to the paper views. Wow. You're even on blackout cards sometimes. Really? Do you get bonuses? You get bonuses if you knock them out, if you get fight of the night, submission of the night. No ship. Yeah, you can do the pride, grand pre-championships

with all the old pride fighters from the late 90s or early 2000s. That's pretty cool. And you can also, it's, you can take it on live and you can have a belt on Xbox Live which I have not done yet, which you get to defend your belt online. We know shit.

And certain you can do catch weight fights, up and down weight divisions. So you can go fight Anderson Silver. Like I fight Anderson Silver. You're a riot favor. If you're, no, it only goes, let's you go up one or down one. Okay.

And if you go, So you could be Joyce Sampia. If you're Joyce Sampia, you can go up and fight. And fight, or if you're Anderson Silver, you can jump up the light heavyweight fight bones Jones Right, how would a great fight that would be real life? You've done it. I've done it. Did you see the new video for bones Jones the Fox put out? I love it. Did you see it? Yeah, how great. He kisses the little white kid on the head. I love bones Jones

I love bones Jones too, man. He choked me out. I know he doesn't even massage my neck. He's such a He's a champion. He's a me out. I know. He then he massaged my neck. He's such a he's a champion. He's a champ. What a great commercial. Yeah. If you haven't seen it, Google it, both Jones, uh, Fox commercial. He, it's him going into the ring. Then he actually, it shows him choking out Machita. They show Machita's hand go limp and then in slow motion and then it shows him dropping Machita to the ground, walking away and putting his hand go limp. And then in slow motion. And then it shows him dropping, machete to the ground, walking away and putting his hand up in victory with the belt on, then leaving through the crowd. And this little kid is leaning over and he leans up grabs his

head. It reminds me of that coke commercial. So I was going to say the mean Joe Green. Yeah. Throw the Jersey. He is now black guys can kiss white kids on TV. Love it. I just throw a coat of my own. Sure. Like Joe, that's far enough. Just throw me the coat. Oh, oh, Joe. I touched a little kid. Yeah, just throw him the Coca Cola. Give him your Jersey. That's it. Yeah, bones, Joneses. Yeah, for one of her just a nice guy.

All right. So there you go, we got a hoodie buddy. Go check that out. A hoodie's with a, a fucking headphone. Unbelivable, if you listen to music all the time and you need headphones, people always be, what headphones should I get? The headphones are good. They're not the best, but you know, what headphones are

if you're not spending 300 bucks. $44, you get a fucking rockin' hoodie. And headphones. And headphones. It's a T-for. It's a T-for and go get UFC under speed of three. $300 bucks $44 all as you get a fucking rockin hoodie and headphones and headphones It's two for two for two for two for and go get you a seat on the speed of three And then when I'm on Xbox live, I'll see you in the octagon bum and that is Tech talk with Bobby and then Dan

There's Joe Yeah, nice job. You know what I did? From this box, I didn't know I was hungry. You know what I did? Really did, really, really, really. You know what I did? I just started sticking. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

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