Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Just Sh*t

Episode Date: March 5, 2012

Robert, Dangerous Joe and Monster Voice get back to shooting the shit.  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un duvena que de de mal, a Madrid. All right, here we go.

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to, you know what, dude? Episode. Ha, ha, ha. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Ha, ha, ha. You know, one of my, I really like it.

I think I'm good at is naming the shows. I take, it's one of my fun things to do. Yeah, is naming the shows. Soul treat. You get. Well, I think I'm good at it. You are. I think people, I think listen to, if you listen to the show, if you look at the name of the show, and then you listen to it, you'll be like, Oh, I get it. That's fucking cute or funny or, you know, cool. fucking cute or funny or you know cool. Right. And I take great pleasure. And I have this this show off the bat. But shit. Whoa. Hey, it's called shit. Yeah. That's what we're named this episode. Why? Because that's the mood. I'm in. Let's introduce Joe DeRosa, dangerous dangerous Joe and we got a monster voice Dan Soda and you know there's we got great we got two t-shirts up there too dangerous Joe t-shirt on

the merch page which is awesome it's a fucking great chair. It is fucking awesome. And they have, we have, it's a goddamn game of fire. Got damn Gato Frank. I was in the goddamn bar, but the place broke clear, you came in with another guy in the ranger tank and they turned into a goddamn Gato Frank. Two full rolls. Gato coming up the muck.

Got damn Gato Frank. Went in, I grabbed it and beakin' I holdin' that pack. Duck tape on the grabbed it and beakin' a hole in the back. Duck tape on the mountain, I can't find a hole. I'm gonna get a just roll around. It's a goddamn get a fight. A riot tax on it really funny. Yeah.

Yeah. I feel like, does that, do they say that and smoke in a bandit? No, it's from Clint Eastwood. It's from Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood's where he was loose. Any which way but loose? Is that movie funny? Oh, I haven't seen it since from Clint Eastwood. It's from Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood. Any which way but loose? Is that movie funny?

Oh, I haven't seen it since I was a kid. It's horrible, Lee funny. It's just horrible funny. It's, they got the gang, but I think they're gay. I think it's like a gay, but a gang. That is all. Because they never have chicks. It's just the dudes.

They did two of those. They did three. I think, I think they did three. Two or three, but the if you hear that noise in the background, that's my shick using duct tape to fucking duct tape, the body that you fucking killed last night. We are a dexter relax. But yeah, I actually watched yesterday. Clint Eastwood at his fucking best Because he wasn't taking himself too seriously at this point. He was doing some comedies fucking Clint Eastwood

doing comedy and with an orangutan. I mean look that would end anybody's career, but not fucking Clint Not Clint. No, he didn't take himself too serious. He came out with the orangutan and the mother in that. Well, just, you know, once in a while they come out with these old brawds who had just cuts. Right. They just play the fucking grumpy old bitch perfectly. Right. Like the lady from Goonies and throw mama from the train.

Yes, exactly. That's perfect. She's like the biggest bitch ever. Yeah. Because great. And Ramsey. That was her name. Yeah. My favorite thing ever is, you know, the Johnny Depp movie below. Yeah. At the end, they show the real picture of George Jung. Uh-huh. The guy that was based on it. And they show him. He's just all weathered and the guy I was by myself. This old man next to me was going, oh, throw a mom off in the train. It was perfect. This movie though, it's got the blonde chick.

Fair faucet? No, not a hot blonde. Do you remember the blonde chick that Cleese would have in all the movies for a minute? Which was definitely banging. Surely McLean? No, I'll tell you your name in a second. I'm looking it up. But it's just a trotious.

She's in all his movies It's what the fuck is her name. I forget her name. She's a blanchard. She was in it all. She was in the gauntlet She was in the she every movie did she was in what else was she in now? She was the chick that got raped and the the member remember the movie, um, with, uh, five, the accused? No, no, that's doing false.

Yeah, that's it. The Harry, huh? Oh, oh, oh, sissy space. No, not sissy space. Heck, no, it's not carry and keep duct tape. No talking on the podcast. You know, one of these days, I wish you guys

were back me up on this. I like when dawn chimes. So her name is Sandra Locke. No idea who that is. That's the chick. And she got raped. In real life, she got raped. Oh, Jesus, Joe. Oh, stop spreading rumors.

I love it. That's good. She, um, Sandra Louise Smith is her name. Now, I don't know what, if she changed, she was born that. Now, she's, uh, she's been, she's been in a sudden impact. Sandra Louise Smith is her name now. I don't know what if she changed her. She was born that now. She's She's been there. She's been in a sudden impact She was in any which way but loose the gauntlet out law josey whales. Oh, okay, the little the blonde girl and outlaw I know you're talking about now. These are all first of all. These are all cleanies with movies

That law josey whales She sued cleanies put a few years ago because he promised her a career He's probably banging her Got her in a work. Got her in a bunch of movies, because he promised her a career. He's probably banging her, got her in a bunch of movies, but she couldn't really pull it off. She's not that great of an actress, so she couldn't really...

Sounds like he gave her a fucking career. You mean like six movies? But here's a deal. If you're in fucking outlawed, Josie Well, sudden impact, any which way but loose, the gauntlet, which were all pretty much hits back in the day, or did well, and did great now, they're fucking movies of a generation

and you don't come out of that on your own. You stink. You stink. She's almost out bino like her fucking. She's really pale in outlaw, Josie Will. She's, I mean, they were pale back then. So it was for the period. It was a period piece. She had to really get nice and pasty. Yeah, but she was in, she was in the any which way but loose That's ridiculous that she sued him. She tried to sue him. I don't think it worked out. He probably did well Look, he probably did some hard shit to this poor girl Then they make that the case that wasn't the case. She just sued him because her career didn't work out Give me something for nothing

Yeah, that's what they do. Broke. Bitch. That's what they do. They're the Chrysler commercial money. Well, let's, uh, you know, what before we get off movies, yeah, you mentioned blow. I think that movie stinks. You didn't like it. It's a complete Scorsese ripoff. It's just the whole thing. It's just a Scorsese ripoff. Everything is freeze frame. And then the bridge over and then it's, it's just a rip off. It's just the whole thing. It's just a Scorsese rip off. Everything is freeze frame. And then

the bridge over and then it's it's just a rip off a good fellas man like the way it's directed and the way it's the way it's produced. Ruth Gordon. That's your name. That's the mother's name. Ruth Gordon. Not to cut you. Oh yeah. She was in Rosemary's baby. Harold and mod. Number that movie. A report. Yeah. She's yeah. Harold and mod. She's great. And she was in any which way, but Lewis, both of them, hilarious.

Yeah. Alarist. I like when, not to cut you off about the blow thing, you know, that was pretty interesting. But when, when, when, when, when the mob guy came up, is that a Cadillac? He's like, yay. He goes, take it apart, Clyde. And then the ape just goes over and starts ripping the car apart. But it's such shitty editing, like, like, like the roof is cave

didn't want. And then it's not cave. Then it's cave. Then it's not. He knows to rip a tire off at the car wheels away with all the tires. It's funny. It's just back in the day when they didn't give a fuck about continuity. And as audience members, we didn't know anybody. The blow was probably just really hitting like the trailers then. So everyone's just like, this is due some more blow. What's that?

Edit it properly. What did you say? It's a cocaine. It's probably just ramping. You can't, yes, you should have said cocaine because you confused me and you said blow and you're talking about the movie blow and You kind of I know I know what you meant, too, but it's stuck you didn't know it. I bet I can tell you're face you to know it I'm gonna enjoy the ride Joe ride me and you're gonna take

We're gonna take a ride after the show. You know who we're going? Where? It's Dutch with an H. Where? The fucking hospital. I'm gonna give you a ride. I'm gonna knock your baby teeth out. This is a good segue.

This is a good segue. Yeah. You've been a little on edge since we walked in today. Mm-hmm. What's going on, dude? What's going on? You're real edgy today. Yeah. I'm not fucking edgy.

What's going on? I'm fucking I feel like my mother. Okay. What do you mean by that? I feel fat and angry. I feel I feel I feel I I don't know man, I think at this time of year, the winter starts to get to me, the, I gotta, you know, I mean, look, this fucking, I, you know, I'm going away, I'm getting anxiety because I'm going away for the first time in a month or so, which, look, I have to go on the road, I gotta make my cash. When are you going? Going on Thursday. Thursday.

So, but I got a lot of shit on my plate in the next couple of weeks. A lot of stuff going on and I'm not doing all the stuff I should be doing. Yesterday, yesterday was a shit day, too, man. I woke up yesterday. Man, I mean, me and fucking Dawn fought. Is she behind me? Yeah, okay. She's holding a knife. I was just gonna say that. She is sharpening a blade.

Don, this is why I get scared. Don wouldn't knife me. She'd fight me. She's from Boston, dude. She's actually bald or fist-ups. She bald, both of her fist-up at one time and she goes, you motherfucker and came at me. Like, Lue, she fucking started swinging. What'd you do? What I do, I had to put all my weight on her and hold her down and I giggled. Yeah, I thought it was the cutest thing ever.

But I was definitely scared. I was scared because if she hit me, you know, it's like the Hulk. Don't hit me. Look at me angry. You motherfucker, I don't it's like the Hulk. Don't hit me. You motherfucker. I don't have a big eye pain. Just fucking wake up and half her bodies and one hand half her bodies and just murderous. I'm just dragging a bag to the garbage. Blackout.

That's well, yeah, you guys do have more of a relationship where I picture hit you in the head with a rolling pin. Or like if they got physical physical you'd hear like dumb Body hit the ground. I was not a bacon What I want to hit him with the pan? Shot the fuck shut up Look when I put a mic in the kitchen, all right, what? Side with I side with both of you on that one.

I was whipped on with hitting with the pan, and then when she went into the cartoon analogies, it was like, yep. Hey, what's up, folks? Hello, folks. Hello, folks. I gotta find that podcast. Shut the f-.

Oh, I'm gonna shut a rolling pin right now. First of all, why would my wife ever a rolling pin? What is she, a baker? That's what this would be funny. I know. Mine was supposed to be, too. Oh, God, what I laugh. What is this? The fucking Bob Newhart show?

Knock it off. Shut your face, stop doing shit behind my back. Could I be Darryl? Can I have some more? You'd have to be. Actually, your reference matched a little closer to the original Bob Newhart show. You're thinking of Newhart.

You're right. And you're thinking about your childhood that you missed because you're in front of a TV. Anyways, you fucking savant. Which ran originally from 1968 till 1970. Start out of a very beautiful Suzanne Plushette. Oh, she was. She was. Well, you know what, looking back, you look at her.

First of all, we need to stay on topic here because I want to deal with what happened yesterday But Suzanne Lachette plus shit plus shit fuck her Looking back she wasn't that hot. I take all that back. She's not that hot. She was okay looking For the time, okay, she was she had the short hair, right? That's when broad started cutting the hair short and wearing fucking pants and Fuck them. He's like, you're bitter about that. She was the amendment that let women vote. He's like, first off, they start just, just really working, you know, mow them off.

She was hot. She was hot the way, Leah Remini from Quenek, King of Queens is hot. No, fuck. She is smoking. She is smoking hot. She's fucking smoking hot. She's hot like the fucking bitch from three's company No, she's not the black hair. What's what's her name? And I put Lee Remini in that same category Lee Remini is Jersey hot Jersey hot

First of all, I think it's Jersey. I absolutely if you put her next to like that bitch isn't Jersey hot She's upper east side hot, but I'm saying, but you're missing my point. What I'm saying is is she's hot in that like, oh, I could actually meet this lady and date her potentially kind of way. She's not Angelina Jolie hot. We go, okay. I either read a remanade or you said you're not, you first of all Angelina, you're remanade a bar.

Absolutely. I agree with you on that. They are, you can, they're hot, where you could actually hook up with them. Right. But Jersey hot, the chick from King of Queens, is way, in my opinion, way hotter than the chick from three company and the chick from Bob Newhart.

Way hotter. And those two chicks are like, they're not even really, they're good looking women. They're passable. But if aliens came here, they would just toss those broads away. They would toss those broads out and go, and Leah Remini would get picked up.

Suzanne Plushette was a sex symbol back then. Ooh, Suzanne Plushette was a sex symbol. Janet for three's company was never sex symbol. Yeah, she was. Yeah, but they just say, they just say, Suzanne at the time, I'm talking at the time she was on the show, was not hot. if you go back and you look at her ass and look at her titties and look at her dumb face

You'd be like she's a mediocre fucking housewife and Chris and Chris he is no, what's it? Yes, who's it? No Janet. No Janet was the same broad. She wasn't fucking Chris here near the blonde bitches She was just an okay broad the same broad. I'm not I'm not saying they're the same, you know, from the same part of town. I know. Okay. But they're the same, like you, you hook up, you hook up with them once and then be like, I'm out. You hook up with the fucking King of Queens and bang her for a while. Cause she, cause she's got the Jersey look. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. The other ones don't. Imagine her having, be in filthy. Yeah. All right. I want to take this to the DVDs. I have the Bob Newhart DVDs. I'm saying. The other ones don't. Imagine her having, be in filthy. Yeah. All right. I want to take this to the DVDs.

I have the Bob Newhart DVDs. I'm telling you, Suzanne Plushette's hotter than you're giving her credit for, right? Suzanne, Plushette. Fucking dumbass. She was like a model, I think. Oh, she wasn't dead. Look it up on your phone.

Look it up. I'm fucking. I saw you tap out, I'm trying to spell Plushette I don't mean to spell it. That was a good one, Joe. All right, listen. You spell it right now, go. I can't spell it here. I just noticed what you were doing, though.

You were going, I'm not fucking trying to spell it. You see? You see dumb, dumb, the dumb dumb. I can't spell it here. Anyways, well, he's looking that up. Yesterday, I woke up in a shit, just a shit day. And then me and my Mrs, me and the Mrs. got to a big hot one over some shit from a long time ago,

which was my fault. I took the hit on that. I brought up some shit from a long time ago. And she defended herself, and I fucking defended my point, and it got a little heated. And then, you know, we shut it down. She went her way, I went my way.

She went downstairs and took a nap. I was up here playing some Vid Games, and then she came back up, and it was all good. I think, and I apologized, blah, blah, blah, and she was like, all right, she accepted it, and I was out of line. And then, she'd the fridge, the brand new fridge with the crushed ice, and, blah, blah, and she was like, all right, she accepted it, and I was out of life. And then she'd the fridge, the brand new fridge with the crushed ice. Gorgeous.

And the water? Yeah, the back things leaking. She looks on the floor, there's water everywhere. So now we're going to take that out. Now you all know that when I teach people things, I do it in a very gentle way, and I know how to really... Oh, yeah, you have a very soft hand. Whenever you teach anybody anything.

Right. When I try to explain something, I'm what they call a gentle teacher. Exactly. Shut up. The kind of, you should be a kid. Shut up. Kindergarten teacher.

I'd be a great kid to go to teacher. Cause kids listen, I'm like fucking adults. Oh, sorry. What happened? Do you think you can do that or about the leak? No, I didn't yell it or about a leak, Joseph, you know what you are? You're fucking TMZ.

You just like to say shit to get people to flip out. T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T- I was very gentle in teaching her. I was being sarcastic Joe. Okay. Yes, I was because I've I have What the fact that I have to explain that joke to him? You didn't I was going along with that. I go see a yellow dinner about the fridge and then you were like now I didn't yell at her so I didn't yell at her about the fridge I yell we got no fight about because we had to get into the back of the thing and figure it out And she thinks she's more of a, this is what bugs me about my wife. And I know she's behind me. And please tell me if she is using a rolling pen at one point, is that she, she thinks

she's more like manly than me around the house. Like she'll, she painted the shit over here the other day and fixed something on the floor or fixed a toilet paper thing that fell off. And you know, I can do all that shit just tell me to do it and I'll do it but she thinks you know she fixed the door downstairs that had the thing fell off and she she does I mean she knows she does a lot around the house but she does it without talent you know look can you do this if I did it and failed that'd be one thing and then she walks

around like she's got a two belt on it. She's the fucking man, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Yeah. If weeks go by. Because I'm on the road. No. Because I'm writing.

Because I have shows. I just take the opportunity to do it myself because I know I can do it. Okay, all right, dude. Listen. Which is also What how? Can we discuss this are we gonna you gonna get mad? I'm not gonna get mad if you put those fucking fingers away That's your technique. She's using your own technique on you dude. What do you mean? I've heard you say that before what Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what do you mean? What are you doing? What are you doing? Are you a marriage technique?

Are you all right? You're not ratting me out in front of my wife. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm a fucking do it. He sat there for fucking weeks. You do it. Right. And when he sees it, you did it He'll take the fucking hint so don't kind of hit you at your own Yeah, we don't strategy on fixing the closet, right? Okay. Well, here's a deal job

See I can I'm feeling you get mad now. I'm not getting mad Put the thing back up. I think it's back to surrender The back of my fingers back to surrender Joe's like one of those exotic birds and his fingers are like his feathers. Oh look man We're at the point. I think in a marriage You know I think there's something up where she's becoming I you can't just stay who you are I mean there's the relationship before the marriage and then you get to the point where all right, let's do this. Let's get married and then you evolve out of that too. And sometimes people evolve away from each other.

Sometimes people, if you don't talk and you don't argue and you don't say sorry and you don't constantly, you know, try to evolve individually and own your shit and know the root of the relationship is love. And I give a shit about this person. You'll fucking just, you fuck you. I'm out. You know what I mean? You can say all that shit. You can say fucked up shit and mean shit

and argue and yell and cry and scream. But as long as you can come back and be honest, you can go, look, I fucked up or own your shit. You have a chance. You understand? Right. Of evolving together and going to the next level of your relationship.

Which thank God me and my chick do. We have that. I mean, I have to guide her through some of this shit because I know more about it than her. And I'm not saying that to be a dick. I'm sure she's not fucking... She didn't do anything. Yeah, because she's not from a family of,

I grew up in AA. I grew up in, you know, group homes. We had to go to group and talk, and you know, you're emotions and how I'm feeling. And you did this. And then I've been in AA for 27 years almost. You know, so I know how to communicate. I know how to own my shit.

I know healthy ways of living. And you know, that's, I know how to releviate the resentment and the anxiety is by talking about it and letting it explode on the person and then owning your shit. So, I mean, we have a shot, but yesterday was one of those days, man man if I brought up some shit from years ago You remember I always talked to you about resentment if you don't talk to the person at the moment like last week

Me and Joe he had some shit with me. He called me up out of like literally out of blue Dude, could I come over? I got some shit. I just want to talk to you about it So I don't want to carry it around all day you can all we talked about it was fucking gone boom Boom, yeah, no fight So I don't want to carry it around all day. Come over, we talked about it, it was fucking gone. Boom. Boom. There you go. No fight. No fight. Not even a yell, not even nothing.

It was just like, all right, cool. That's cool. That's cool. Clearly handled. Because it was presented in the correct way, you know, for another human being to deal with it. And, you know, yesterday, I fucking, I was fucking, and then the fridge thing happened.

And I was like, you know, it's hard, and it's hard when you're telling somebody, and I know where it comes from, when people don't listen, I fucking hate it. I'm a good learner. I learn well. When somebody teaches me something, I'm, I love to fucking, you know,

like this last year, you know, I learned a lot the last couple of years about writing and, you know, I stole a bunch of shit from Billy and Joe on how to, you know, I'm just, I can listen and learn and absorb shit real quick and put it into fucking action. I hate when people don't listen to you. I hate when people, when you're teaching somebody something and you're fucking go, no, do this and put it down and no, fuck. So yesterday, I mean, it's me too though, because I have my stepdad in me that used to fucking beat the shit out of me and scream at me and yell, no, this, you're fucking in it. I have five Irish Catholic uncles from Boston. What are you fucking dumb?

Just pick it up, get out of the way. Let me fucking do it. Fucking go, just go. Right. I have my mother, you know, what the fuck, what are you doing? Just do it. They sound like all the same It really is so that's in me Yeah, and I got to get it out of me, but it's not like the the it's not right there yet It's like I can't bring that into my kids life

Yeah, I can't and that's what happened yesterday. I'm trying to teach her to she's trying to she's behind the fridge Unscrewing the shit because I couldn't fit. Fuck you Dan. So. I give you a compliment today and then you, thank you. You brushed off. So I'm like, you know, unscrew it this way.

She's like, I am, but she wasn't. She was, she was, she was hearing me. She wasn't listening to me. And I'm like, just go straight in and, and she kept doing it wrong. And I'm like, fucking, and she's like, and then it gets to the point I don't want to do it you do it she does that girl shit where it's like just fucking don't be a child

And then it just explodes from there. That's what happened. Well, it's tough You guys are two alphas, too I'm starting to learn this that there's different levels of alphas. I used to think that alpha can only be you Yeah, what does that mean? What do you say, you, and you pointed me with that wand finger. There's a little something behind it. It's something bad.

I'm saying I used to think that an alpha was you, Patrice. Right. Burr. Just fucking chest out. Yeah. You know, you're fucking wrong. I'm right. You know what I mean?

I'm not saying that you're, oh, I'm not saying that you're, that's not an insult. You know what I mean. That's what you say. If you boiled it down to whatever, right? Oh yeah. But I'm starting to learn that there are different levels of alphas.

And dawn's definitely alpha. And you're alpha. So when the two alphas go at it, it's like, you know what I mean? You guys hit those fucking things where it's, it's yell, yell, yell, yell. And then one of you is just gonna go, like when we fought in the street,

one of us is gonna go, fuck this, I'm done. I'm walking away, you know what I mean? And then the other person is going, ah, you fucking walk away. You know what I mean? So the same thing with the refrigerator, you guys are yelling and she goes, fuck that fucking done.

And you know, and then you're like, you know, it's tough. Here's the thing is that, you know, she, I'm learning how not to flip out. I'm learning how not to be angry because anger was my defense mechanism for years, anger and humor. And so I get out of a lot of situations, dangerous situations, you know, a lot of fucked up places I was. It was either fucking anger, which, you know, would bring in rage and fucking then I could fight somebody or at least take a beating. In most cases, take a, you know, I mean, a pounding. Or I'd be able to make somebody laugh and get out of it.

You know, that's what I didn't jail, the Juby jail and all the homes and all the places I was and the shitty towns I lived in all the fucked up friends I had you know, that's what I would use so now later in life I use the same shit. Yeah, so I get angry We know when she starts not listening to me, you know, I'm like fucking just fucking listen to me Mm-hmm. It's like hit me, hit me. You know, I just fucking that type of rage. It's like you. You are collision. I want you to fucking just do what I get into,

but I gotta learn how not to do that, which I'm trying. But it's hard because it's like, I need you to stop doing the shit you do right to piss me off I need you like you are not doing what you did to set my anger off You're coming to me going hey man. I'm sorry. I'm going. I'm sorry, too Right, you know instead of but she's she's passive aggressive well You know passive aggressive is always a tricky thing. No, it is. It's a it's a it's a tricky thing because sometimes

passive aggressive and I know this from my own experience and doing it and I don't like to do it. Uh, and I face does. I try not to deal, but passive-aggressive can often, or behavior, can often be the product of trying to avoid confrontation. So you go, so let's say it's me and you or me and Dan, right? And we're getting tense, and I'm driving, he's giving me directions. Where do I turn? Where do I turn? Just fucking turn, fucking turn, you know, because he's fucking freaking, because we got to make the turn. Then I, my head go, well, I had a fuck that he just fucking yell at me like

that, you know what I mean? And I'm like, but I don't want to fight right now that I'm just gonna let it slide. And then 10 minutes later we're talking and he does it again. And then I go, you know what? And then I do a passive aggressive fucking swipe at you. And then you go, what the fuck, man? What the fuck, you got a problem, say some shit. And it's like, oh, because I didn't fucking, because I tried to avoid that first smack. Now it's coming out in the wrong way.

And I was trying to do the right thing. But it came out fucking wrong. And it's still both people, it's unfair to both people. I'm not saying it's totally people. I'm not saying it's it's totally justified. I'm just saying that's what sucks about passive aggressive. There are some passive aggressive cocksuckers out there. Oh, bad. That just that's all they do is you're gonna wear that? No, that's fine. I saw a lot of I mean, but you know, you did and San Francisco is at a bar outside having a beer with a buddy

line old friend of mine from high school and and he's sitting down in this chair, and this guy looks like he's homeless, and he's like walking around. There's a couple next to us, and my buddy looks at the guy and goes, hey, man, can I help you? And then the girl next to him just passively aggressive goes, that you're actually sitting in his chair,

and he goes, then he should have just fucking said something. She goes, well, he wasn't trying to be rude, and my buddy goes, well, now you're being rude, because you're making me feel like an asshole Because I didn't even know I was sitting in this guy's chair and she's goes whatever man And it's just like yeah fuck you that's such a fucking California. It is and that's why immediately I missed that East Coast aggressive Well, here's the thing is I love I love San Fran. I mean, it's not it's not a San Fran thing San Fran is a pretty bad-ass place

One of my favorite places on the on the planet. It's such a Sam Fran thing. Sam Fran is a pretty bad-ass place. One of my favorite places on the planet. It's such a cally thing. You know, and let me, can I bring something up real quick that fucking bugs me to know if you're a woman and you sing your fucking sentences, I hope you get hit by a fucking flock of birds. What the fuck? You know, so anyways, yeah, I was gonna go buy this house. And I know he was there. And I was like, what the fuck? Oh, God. I fucking hate you. I call that twat twang.

Well, it's what I call that. It's like, that fucking, it's that's it. Someone's got a new shirt. Ah, more shirts. Boom. Hi, I'm Monster Voice from Robert Kelly's You Know What, dude? Come on down to Monster Voice T-shirt and pour him. We've got Tawatt Twain. You got Dangerous Joe's, Shorts Leavand Longsleeve, and new Red Gator Files. It's a, where is your fucking soul, dude? I love it. Where's wrong? You fucking bit computer.

I love it. I'm sorry that I just improv that and made Bobby and Don laugh. Yeah, what are you stepping on our fun for? That's the passive aggressive. I'm stepping on your fun. How is this honest? You fucking dickhead. It's just, it's just, his catchphrases bug me. The characters bug me. I love them all

Thank you. I love them all and you know what every people love them too Actually, I had a lot of emails in the last couple weeks because you haven't been on yeah You know we had you on with the Kathy one, but you haven't been on and people are like we're the fuck Boom. I love you and Joe But can you get monster voice back on please? A lot of emails. I'm back. Yeah, you're back They know you wouldn't be able to handle them The fuck man, I'm not enough. I love that dad does characters and voices. I was just fucking with him. I know I know I I really I hate that I fucking it's all hot girls that have never been told to shut up.

Oh, God, it's just, I watch these shows on TV and selling LA is like a, I like real estate shows. I like, because I want to buy a house, you know, I own a real estate. You own property. I'm a property owner. You're a land owner. You know, it's actually pretty fucking amazing.

Because I own property in Manhattan. That was a goal of mine. I was a real estate your own property I own I'm a property owner and you're a landowner I'm you know it's actually pretty fucking amazing because of I own property in Manhattan That was a goal of mine when I moved here like one of those like someday Yeah, someday I'll have some day I'll have my own apartment and crushed ice when you're walking on the rain One of those goals was ripped out of my hands yesterday one of those dreams was stepped on this temperler Temporarily really fuck really really back what was it? One of those dreams was stepped on his temperler temper early. Fuck really. What was it? Temperarily dismantled. Anyways, yeah, so you know, I watch these shows, but this fucking it's it's I hear these

women you hear them in restaurants and you hear them walking the street in a fucking elevator and you know, oh, Joe and I hit on them at bars. Oh my God, where are you from? You're so funny. Where? How come you don't even know? Like, do you know who, like Nick, Nick, I don't even know his name. What is this? Oh, you know that one comic. Fucking. I fucking hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

That's why you're like you. I hate you that you're married. And you know, if the deal is that, like Joe and I have to. If my wife had sing song, you sentences, I'd slap her. I'd slap, if you're dating a girl, if you're dating a girl, if you listen to this podcast, and you're dating a girl that goes, oh my god, you're like that podcast. I don't my god, why do you like that podcast?

I don't get it. Dump her. Fucking dump her. Dump her or fucking tell her, be honest. Stop. Seriously, just like if she had a fucking piece of pepperoni on her cheek, say, who has pieces of pepperoni on her cheek?

Have you ever eaten pepperoni pizza with me? I have no idea. I have. Anyway, if you had it on your cheek. You ever eat pepperoni pizza with me? No, I have it. Anyway. All right, dude. If you had it on your cheek, Dan, I'd be like, Dan, you got a piece of pepperoni. Get that off.

It's gross. You look like an asshole. Do that. It's the same thing. Just tell her, stop. You sing your sentences. And that's an accent. You've created that.

That's not how people talk. You created that for some gay, stupid, dumb reason. You go, oh my god Stop it right in this because when important people come around these people their boss or somebody very It goes away Immediately goes away. Hi. How are you mister? Whatever, you know, and then as soon as oh my god Did you shut the fuck up? You're a phony, you're a fraud, and you fucking took your stupid teenage shit life and brought it into your adulthood, and that was an adult. I have to listen to you, a shit voice in a restaurant.

Well, I'm trying to fucking be romantic with my wife. I gotta look. Oh my God. Sarah at work. Today, shut the fuck up. Fucking sing song, you shit fucking voice If you're a dating a girl that does that and you don't tell it a stop if you don't sit her down and go listen stop You you sound like a moron. It's not who you are. It's it's a stupid thing you do

Stop it. Just listen and talk normal when you're out in public. You don't have to go. Oh my god You can go. Oh my god. That is crazy and talk regular you fight're out in public. You don't have to go, oh my God, you can go, oh my God, that is crazy and talk regular. If you don't do that, you're a fucking spyless coward of a man. Whew, all right. I was that for in your face, Dan. Fuckin' hey, that's an alpha male shit.

That was an alpha male shit. That was opinionated. That was aggressive. I don't think there's an alpha male in this room except for my dog. Well, that was... I had nothing to add to that. Really?

I mean, are you... Yeah, it's annoying. I don't like when people talk and everything sounds like a question. What do you mean? I started the store and I needed to get ice cream. It's like stop going up at the end. It's like an Australian accent. The upswing It's an Australian accent the shittiest accent on the planet and I know look at I know we get Australian fans He's written to me a couple times a few of them. We have a bunch of people in Australia actually

The you know what they podcast anymore. I fucking read it does all go up Yeah, you just ruined the next informer. I like that accent. I fucking it does all go up. Yeah, you just ruined the next and former I like that accent I stopped watching lost because of the Australian bitch in it really yeah my baby Charlie my baby My baby My baby My baby That's what me just stop watching last that's accent. That's not that the show's stunk

No, I actually was a big fan of lost. I was a big fan of lost. I like I like JJ Abrams I like his new show too is a fucking phenomenal. I wasn't very good the cop the Alcatraz one. No, not that's not him Yeah, he had something to do with that. Is that him? Did he produced it? Yeah, he produced it or something? Fuck I thought his new show was He's got the other one too though. What's yeah, what's the other one? I can't remember but it's the fringe Fringe is him too. Yeah, I heard fringe is good. Fringe is good man. Yeah, French I like lost by stop watching it because of that and when she died I couldn't even get back into it because I was lost That's what I do now. I don't

Fucking calling a horse. Yeah, you fucking dickhead. That's what I do now. Fuck you. Like you're fucking calling a horse? Yeah. You fucking dickhead. That's what I do when I say a zing-a. Munchies. Nice shoes. What it? Hey, you look like a haircut kid.

I get to do it four times. That's six times actually. Hey Joey, I love that shirt. What's it called again? A Henley. A Henley. I don't understand what it is. I don't know what it is. What calls for the noise though? I don't know. It's just if you go up to people and go, hey, have a good day today, Joe. It's just going to annoy people. Yeah. I do it. I do it. It. I had does good have a good day my friend

Look at the weather outside summer's finally coming I Do this thing? The elevators want to go to ONA. It's called friendly Bob and I just I'm just friendly to people just overly friendly Which for some reason in this society makes people uncomfortable. Yeah. It makes people, if you, I don't think if you did it in the middle of this country, I think it would be accepted more. But in New York City, if you're too friendly, it's, there's two things to scare people in New York City. Someone who's too friendly in public and somebody walking with a bat.

Yeah. You cannot, well, you can't purchase a baseball bat and walk home with it out of a package in New York. People will run across the street from you. Matt Frost gave me a bat one time, a red socks bat. And I walked home from 57th Street when the office used to be up there all the way home with the bat in my hand and people were literally running across. Because they saw a ball dude coming on the shooting with a bat and they just figured,

they just assumed the worst. Yeah. It was gonna happen. Yeah, yeah. Like you're trying to reclaim the neighborhood. Yeah, walk it tall. Yeah, walk it tall. I can bobby's had enough.

Now he's taking justice into his own hands. Yeah. Yeah. This hell's kitchen is going back to what it used to be. Yeah, I don't like all these fancy restaurants and all these beautiful people. Yeah, I don't like these men kissing inside of their Toyota's. No, man kissing man. No, no men kissing on man in my village. I, um, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I did, I do this friendly Bob Dengroom. He's like, hey, how are you?

How you doing? So just play along with me. Yeah, okay. So, hey, how are you? I'm Robert. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too, man. What's your last name?

It's soda. Soda. My I'm Robert Kelly. I'm Irish. What is soda? I don't even know what that is. What is that? Swedish.

Swedish. Oh my god, are you from Sweden? No. Did you ever go to Sweden? No, I never been. Always wanted to go to Sweden. Always wanted to Sweden always want to do you work in the building? No, I don't can you hit six. Yeah, sure. Absolutely six. I'm actually one of 36. Oh, okay. It's weird Right? The improv that the two of you do it makes me sick. Yeah, it's actually good

It makes me sick to my stomach because you can't do No, you can't just You try doing it. You try doing it. You try doing it. You try doing it. So I was talking about saying we're talking. I'm giving you a friendly bond to Joe. You're friendly, Bob. Just his, just that. Here's the scene. Joe, we're giving an example of it.

Okay, here we go. Ready? Here we go. You want to do so. You think you can do it in problem? Okay. Hey, how you doing? I'm Bob. What's your name? And why don't you go fuck yourself? Okay, now I'll do improv? Okay. Hey, how you doing? I'm Bob. What's your name? I want you to go fuck yourself Okay, I'll do it for real first of all he would never do that. He would never do that He's a coward in an I know but I'm playing a Caron

He's up there, but I'm playing anybody with the ball and glasses Joe respects, but I'm playing a character right now I'm doing it. I'm doing my car No, Joe. Let's just do what you want me and him We're doing it. You stepped on it, but let's just do it. You do Joe. Fuck you. Go back Let's go back. We're going back to our city. Yeah, let's do it. Fuck it. Step on it. We'll do I'm gonna do me and you and then we're gonna do Joe And we're gonna see who's the better in proverb because I don't think you got it in you Joe I don't think you get a fucking acting I got it on mother fucker. I proved it with the for a long time. I proved it with I want to do we're gonna do it one more six level six

was genius. There we go. Ready. Here we go. There we go. Hey, how you doing, man? Good. How you? I'm good. I'm fantastic. Really good today. Okay. Where you from, man? I'm Bob by the way nice to meet you. Dan. How you doing, Dan? Yeah, Bob Kelly. Yeah. What are you, what are you working in the building? Yeah, counting. Oh, what do you work? Accounting. Accounting. Accounting. All you must know math really good, huh? I mean, yeah, that's great, man. Would you get that shirt? I like that shirt. I don't know, man. I'm like, I've been a girlfriend picked it up. Thanks. Really? You got a girlfriend? How long have you been dating up? I've been married for four years. I love it. Congratulations, man.

Do you love it? I mean, I don't, I do, I mean, I've been dating for four years. I love it. Congratulations man. Do you love it? I mean, I do, I mean, I've been here for like three months. Three months? Yeah. Yeah, that's good man. That's good that you have somebody though. It's fun. Alright, well this is my four.

I gotta go. Alright brother, I'll see you later. Dan, Dan what's your last name? It's, uh, it's, uh, booooo. Okay. Alright, ready? Now, you'll action. Action.

Hey, what's up man? How are you? Hi, how you doing? Good, I'm doing, do a good man. I'm doing, I'm, I'm, I'm Bob, what's up, man? How are you? Hi, how you doing? Good. I'm doing Doing good, man. I'm doing I'm Bob. What's your name? Bob, I'm Joe. Do you work in the building here? I do I do I don't work in the building I actually come in once in a while so I technically work in the building. I do a radio show What's your answer? Yeah, really? I love that show. Oh cool, man. What's your last name Joe? Wilson Wilson. Wow. What is that like the like that's like the soccer ball?

Yeah, it's like the basketballs of the soccer ball. Yeah, like and the most that move with Tom Hanks We named the ball Wilson in the movie. Yeah, I did your favorite Tom Hanks move Not my favorite Elfie I like I like I'm right you He won he won I give it I give it to dangerous Joe. I don't like that was actually entertaining to watch He's I watch I watch Joe focus in with his evil eyes Joe just shut the fucking podcast now with that fucking cackle Fucking follow that I'd put it in a whistle and we use it as a rape whistle

If I could bottle that I'd put it in a whistle and we use it as a rape whistle Someone's being raped either Joe's either Joe just made a funny Someone's being raped on both Actually, that brings me into the thing you're getting new glasses and what what's one of the. Yeah, I'll tell you the main reason. The same reason I got contacts. Right. Because our friend Bob here, Dan, has taken a habit of telling me how pretty he thinks my eyes are.

Yesterday, he told me I had to hang up on him in the middle of this just to get it, just to get breath for a minutes before we continued In the middle of the phone call he goes. I saw you on red eye on Friday. You're all great And he goes you got to stop wearing glasses that don't show your eyes man He goes your glasses cut your eyes off. He goes. I'm gonna tell you something your eyes look really pretty on television You're gonna tell you something. Your eyes look really pretty on television. And I hung up and I thought about it for a minute that I called me and I thought, let me, I got, I want to hear it out.

I actually want to hear about my eyes. Your low self esteem took over. I'm getting lost in them right now even talking to them. I'm not even kidding. Joe, his, his, let me tell you, I, and people say, why does Joe get women? How does Joe get women? They look at Joe and you're like, what the fuck? Okay.

And I think one of the things is those big baby blues, those eyes you can swim in. They're big and round and like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, It's a blue right? Yeah, they're ridiculous. And on fucking camera on HD. Woohoo. Die right in them. And Joe lost a little weight so that neck thing isn't really happening on film. I feel like it is happening today.

Is it not happening? Well, on today it is, but the other day it wasn't. When you weren't swollen from the shit food you ate yesterday. I ate pretty good yesterday. Yeah, Kentucky fried chicken. It's Sunday. No, I didn't. I didn't do it yesterday. Yeah, chicken, turkey fried chicken, it's Sunday. No, I didn't, I didn't do it yesterday.

Really? Yeah, because they bat on Saturday. Okay. I went hog wild. Oh, hog wild? On Saturday, yeah. I mean, I can mean a couple things with you, Joe. I ate a whole, yeah.

I ate a whole Bailey J. Oh, yeah. Oh. I ate Oh yeah. Saturday and a whole medium pizza half of it had meatballs on it. Eat the whole thing. Yeah, you know, it's easy. That doesn't hate. I hate all but one slice and then I laid down and I woke up three

I was later I just sat up and ate the other slice right after. Yeah, right from your now Yeah, I've done it and then for done it. I love it for dinner. I got ribs from our spot. Okay from chef foes Whatever it's called great ribs. Yeah, I got eight ribs You got a full rack and an egg roll an egg roll Here's a deal. Okay, I I fell off my diet too since you're admitting it. I'll admit it to you Here's a deal. Okay, I fell off my diet too. Since you're admitting it, I'll admit it to you.

I fucked off. I fucked off. I've been really good for over a month, and I was losing weight, and then I just, you know, yesterday, and I forget another day too, it was two days this week, I just, I couldn't do it. I just said, fuck it, man, it was cold, and this fucking shit weather, and the gray, and it's dark out at quarter to five.

Right. It just fucking gets to me,'s dark out at quarter to five. Right. It's just fucking gets to me man. It's fucking gets to me. I haven't gone to the gym. And so I plateaued on the weight. I tried to put a pair of jeans on. I could wear four months ago. I can't even get a mitt on.

And I lost weight. So I feel like shit. So I just, I ate, I just I ate I ordered the self fucking angry I get this I get angry at food when it's not when I you know when I when I'm gonna eat. I'm a fucking addict. I said, Don, let's get a pizza. She was like, okay, because she felt like shit too. There's nothing better when she's fucking weak and I can Nothing better. Thank God it. Thank God. It's not meth because we'd be dead. Okay, so

That's true. So we yeah, I said let's get a shirk. All right, so we got a pizza. I go all right you order it pizza and And I've reordered something else. We got a Caesar salad each so we're got a pizza I go, all right, you order it. Pizza and I've reordered something else. We got a Caesar salad each. So we're getting a pizza. So I get there. I get to the fucking place and I go, all right, cool. They give me the pizza. I look at the box, Uncle Mario's. I go, what is this?

What is this? What size is this? Like angry. He goes, medium. I go, what do you fucking, I go, what do you mean a medium? It's supposed to be a large. She said medium. I go, she's fucking, go what do you mean a medium supposed to be a large? She knows she said medium. I go she's fucking fucking bitch You fucked with me. It's not enough. Well, here is it is

I'm saying in my head. She fucking did that She did that mom shit with me just let's get a medium and mediums enough you could fuck you if I'm fucking going out I want a large if I'm fucking fucking off So I got I was talking to myself. I went and got potato chips on the way home I was a fucker. You want a now I'm getting chips and I'm walking out of chips because you fucked me on the large Why don't you just get a large you were right there? You just wait cuz it was already cooked but just wait another 10 minutes to get the large anyways I count I just came on I didn't I wasn't thinking straight Joe. No, I wasn't thinking straight

You're right, but I wasn't thinking straight I wanted to fucking yell okay. I went home with chips and I had the fucking thing and I go why do you fuck? Why'd you do that to me? She's because what are you what are you talking about? I go why do you order a medium? I I'm gonna fucking eat shitty. I want to do she's like I didn't I ordered a large they fucked up They fucked up I Would have just go no, it's still large, we're just weighted. It's sickening. It makes me sick that I get mad about that, Dan. Listen to me, I could have had a slice in my salad and been done.

Can you, I- That's the reality of it. I could have had a slice in the salad and been done and been full. I had to eat half the fucking, more than half the pizza, my whole salad and chips and just stuff my fat face until I passed out. I'd appreciate it for now and if you directed the comments to both of us. I don't like when you go Dan. I like when you say Dan and Joe. Joe's being honest and I think good. No,, dude. It's the worst man. It's the worst dude. Hey burger king It one in the morning last night. It's there's nothing better than it. There's nothing fucking better than it Saturday

And a chicken club from Burger King Dude, I woke up Saturday. I got a I got the medium pizza. I ate Six five of the six slices. I passed out on the couch. I woke up. I ate the last slice. I laid there like a lump of shit. I took another nap. Yeah.

I didn't have a spot to 1 a.m. That was my only spot. I got them at nine o'clock. I called the Chinese place. I got the ribs and the egg roll. I steamed some broccoli because that way it's healthy, right? Yeah. I fucking ate all because that way it's healthy, right? I fucking ate all of that except for two ribs.

I laid down again for another like hour and a half. I set up, I ate the last two ribs. I got dressed, I went to Gotham. It was like, dude, the shit I have waited for. Because I, can you keep talking about food? Yeah, I know, I can't. I'll get so food. Yeah, I know I can't. I'll get so mad. Dude, I went to KFC the other night when I called you.

Remember when I called you and you hung up and you go, don't go get shit food, stick to your diet. Right. I was on the phone with him, Dan. This is just for you. Uh, I was on the phone with him and he goes, what do you do? And I go, dude, this is how sick I am. Now, I'm doing a bit about this.

I do have a bit like this, by the way, because I'm working on a bit about, I go, don't give up your vices because you just turn into a lump of shit. I'm just putting it all in the food now. So, and I'll go, look at you, you're hot. Normally, I would take that home and I'd go on you porn, I'd fucking crank it out.

That chicken the flow. Do that. Yeah, don't just do the bits of funny on stage. Yeah, we're not on stage. We're in my living room right now. It looks. I go, but then I go, but I can't. Why? Don't do that ear thing. I don't want your monkey ear fucking showing at me. I do that. Just keep on. But I go, but I can't. I gave up porn, so I can't do that. So now I go home and I go, I'm gonna fuck a chick with so hot and I'm fucking just shoving pizza in my face. You know what I mean?

Like I did it with cigarettes too. Somebody makes me angry and I can't go smoke and I go fucking egg roll, egg roll, egg roll, you know what I mean? So, so I'm on the phone with him and we're talking about food and I just go, dude, this is how fucking sick I am right now. I've been, the whole time we've been talking, I walked by KFC earlier today.

I wanted it, I said, no, I'm not getting it. The whole time we've been on the phone, I've been staring at the KFC website, looking at pictures of the chicken. That's right. Literally the way you would look at a hooker website. Yeah, even like a hooker. And be like, should I do this?

I don't know if I should do it. And I sat there and he goes, he hung up and he goes, he goes, don't get shit food. He hung up. And I was like, he's fucking right. And then I was like, I called a friend, dude. You want to talk about a dadic clip? I called my friend Chip, who struggles with this shit.

And I go, I just want I go I just like I want it I just want it and he goes don't go and I go motherfucker last time I called you about this You said you only live once and go do it. Why aren't you fucking saying that right now? And he's like I don't know he's like I was in a different place than you shouldn't go do it And I was like fuck that I'm going. I went to KFC for 1699 and eight piece meal. I got the fucking eight piece meal. Two large sides.

I added a third side. So I got mashed potatoes, coleslaw, and potato wedges. All the potato wedges, did you dip them in the mashed potatoes? Of course. Fuck you talking. I dipped them in the coleslaw too. That's a double, that's called a double potato. You know that. And then you add the coleslaw, a messy double potato.

You really tied up and pushed off on that meal. Yeah. And I just sat there. I ate it three. I got three meals out of it. I got my dinner meal, then my late night, I'm hungry again meal, and then breakfast. Wow. I woke up. In fact, I had to come over and then breakfast. Wow. I woke up. In fact, I had to come over here to do a podcast. I woke up the next day and I fucking barreled it. There's every, this is how much, anytime I see KFC, anything, I think, a Joe. Yeah.

Yeah. He loves the shit. Always think it was on yesterday. I go in my head, Joe. I go, Joe, somewhere looking at KFC. There's a lot of people listening. I though, because a lot of people listen, I got emails from a lot of people that are like, dude, I'm losing weight, you know,

because I've been not eating carbs and you know, on the South Beach diet and I've gotten some emails of some of the fans that are actually losing weight. They're on the South Beach diet, they're motivated. It's just, I gotta stop using food as a fucking drug. But I don't have anything else. It was, I was okay when I smoked. I was okay kind of when I fucked.

I was okay when I was a piece of shit. You know, there's nothing else. There's nothing else. I don't have that cigarette for anxiety. I don't have, I don't try to not to jerk off all the time. I'm not watching, I'm trying to make a baby. I can't, I don't have a nut when she's ovulating and I gotta go fuck and I jerked off twice

and I don't gotta nut to make life. So I'm not a fucking piece of shit. Later, you know, I actually have a kid. So food is your main? It's a, yeah, it's a main thing, and it's like you don't have it because you can't afford it, but me and Joe can eat. There's a jelly by my house that has one of the bags.

It throws out scraps, you know. And I am in the back of the garbage bag. And let me, Dan, we're gonna put the scraps in the white bag. Those are the good ones. The black bag is garbage. Don't eat it. Funny man.

I am funny man. It's the clown. It's the clown. Give it to the scraps. They're in the windows, go watch, watch it. Those are the good ones the black bag is garbage Watch watch you look he go to the he go to the white cabbage bag He whips it open and eats like a monster We call him the bear Like a funny daddy. It's like a raccoon daddy it's like a raccoon. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha to the podcast, some cash. I really appreciate that. Oh, sorry. What's that? We close to the date. To the date. Not one. No, because we have an air date.

We have an air date. We'll have aired before this one. Oh, yeah. I don't know. No, no, no. Now, this podcast will be up soon, but not that. We have an air yet. We hopefully will.

Hopefully we'll have the money for Joe to pay him back Yeah, but you understand that you shouldn't the fucking open your fat fuck Because I'm doing it. I'm doing it like I'm no, you're not I don't do that. I don't do that I don't what do you think I'm I don't play those games. We're just shut your mouth We don't have to do that. I was just saying people on the the thing and you go have we made them now I got to do good on the fucking vortex of when this is coming out and now I'm gonna play the game Oh, yeah, no Joe you have no fucking stupid. That's not stupid. It's not dumb. Yeah, it's not right We do well I was gonna ask

Love us that caught on wouldn't that be great of a cut on hey, he got newspaper Just great. I want people if you go to Joe show. I want you to go up to go dude great show Joe. You're a killer If you go to Joe's show, I want you to go up to him. Oh, dude, great show, Joe. You're a killer. Do that. I'll fucking kick you in the balls. No, you, no. Not you.

The person that does it. Yeah, and if that person is a man, you won't. Kidding. Of course, if that person is a fucking woman that might blow you, you won't. Of course, I won't. I'm going to do anything. I'll go, oh, thanks for listening to podcast.

Can I have a, will you donate? Please. You, you, uh, we do have the murder. Mm-hmm. Fucking my brand just stopped. My bid, yeah. Flat town. Flat town.

God damn. Flat town. Um, we, uh, we, uh, we do have the merch page up with, uh, the coffee mug, which says, uh, has the podcast logo and it says on the back you get your coffee boom We got the Joe Deros and dangerous Joe which is a fucking great shirt. We got it and I Got it. I got it in Heather. I Got it red Heather Joe is the biggest fucking just

Titt he's a titted man. That's what I call him a titted man. Absolutely. He kills you. Can you get it in the other? I was like, what the fuck is Heather? It does not look awesome. It does. Yeah. It does. So how about looking at it as a tool instead of a, you know, because you would have never known. You would have been on the phone trying to explain what that was You dress like P diddy's assistant. What does that mean you stink? I'm sorry No, it didn't laugh. I did but listen. We got it in Heather red Heather

So that's your thing and then we got yours in green, which is fucking great Oh, the gator. It's a gator. We made it. It would have been four colors if we didn't get green. Now it's a color shirt. I can't wait to get that shirt either. And then we actually have the podcast shirt, the YKWD. What color is that one? That's actually a gray.

Wow, that's cool. Alright. Yeah, I didn't get any black and white. It's just so fucking typical. I flipped it up a little bit. And then we have the posters up there. From the first, you know what, dude, live, which we all signed.

They're signed by the three of us. They're fucking great. And each one is individually numbered. It's, there's only a hundred of them, 135 of them. And so if you get one, you got one. And then when they're gone, they're gone. They'll never be printed up again, so don't ask. So if you want one, make sure you get it off the website.

They're signed by the three of us. We individually, you know, it's not like somebody did it for us. We sat here and fucking wailed that shit out. And I was gonna fight with my wife about it. There's a special one. It's stupid Dan. There's a special one. There's right. There is one, one. It's stupid, Dan. There's a special one. There's right.

There is one, one of the posters is very special. We wrote some shit on the back. Not that special. It's not like special. No, there's a 20 on the back. But you got your money back. This poster was free. But one of the posters we wrote some stuff on the back just one of them so out of the 135 or actually It's a hundred and it's a hundred posters actually because we gave out a few so it's a proud hundred posters on the the merch page One of them is very special and if hopefully if you're if you're the lucky person to get that poster We will I will send you some free shit. Let's go. We'll send you a Joe DVD CD CD say no My CD DVD will send you monster voices tape from his open micer that he did Five bucks about 20 frames and rip it up and did the same 10 minutes

10 All right, we're gonna put this on pause for just a few seconds. We got some shit we need to tell you. So just listen up and we back ASAP. Hey y'all, Dixie here. Just hang on for a second. Just listen. There are a few things we need you to do for us.

One, the YKWD merchandise page is live and ready to take your orders. We have YKWDT shirts, dangers, JOT shirts. It's a goddamn Gator fight T-shirts and coffee mugs. You've got your coffee, duh, boom! And the live gig poster signed by all the boys. Two, make sure you keep spreading the word Tell your friends, your family, your lovers, or whoever the hell will listen about the YKWD podcast 3. Make sure you check out all the other shows at ridecast.com. They're all real amazing and funny.

And best of all, they're fucking free. So go get them, you muskrats. What's going on? If you're a fan of the podcast, I want you to come see me live, do my standup. Go to Robert Kelly Live and look at my dates on the side of the page. I'm in Las Vegas, I'm in Reno,

I'm in Connecticut, I'm in New York, I'm in Connecticut, I'm in New York, I'm in Maryland, I'm in fucking Florida, I'm all over the goddamn place. So make sure you go to Robert Kelly Live, check out all my dates, you can buy tickets right on my website, make sure you do that and spread the word, I'll see you at the show. And we're back. That wasn't that bad, wasn't?

Now you know, shit you should know, enjoy the rest of the show. I got a, uh, Herpy. Oh, but I got a tweet that's just bugging me. What is it? What? What?

Good after chest, Joe. It's bugging. And was it on the, uh, the YKWD podcast tweet? No, it was a lot of fun. Because you know we have that, right? Yes, yes. All the people that are following Joe and Dan and me go to YKWD at YKWD podcast and follow us please stop fucking around.

Yeah. Yeah. And get everybody on it. We want at least 40,000 followers by the end of the month. Follow us. Follow us. YKWD podcast. What happened Joe?

We give it's wrong buddy. It's not even a bad tweet. It's just urchin the shit out of me was it last night I I tweeted out I bought this rap album by this guy named apathy. Yeah, okay really fucking great album You're telling me about that. Yeah really great. He lives in Connecticut. Mm-hmm. I was like I want to fucking tweet about this album It's really good. So I tweeted out, if you're a hip hop fan, going by Apotheys, Honky Kong, right now, sick beat, sick rhymes, it's masterful.

And this fucking kid tweets me today, it goes, I got chill, I got, I cringed when I read that tweet. Please don't try to ever sound hip again and it's like I know he's trying to be fucking funny he follows me whatever whoever this kid is it just fucking irked me because it's like dude I have listened to rap music since I was literally nine years old people don't know I can talk to I can have a full educated conversation about it And it's like who the it just bothers me that fucking comfort level of like I know you listen kid

Don't fucking try to sound hip around me. It's like who the fuck do you dude like it's not you're not a comic You're not an entertainer. You're not here's funny. I hear you dude. I hear you and Here's the thing you have to I would I You you can't this what sucks about Twitter Joe. You can't pick up tone On Twitter. That's the one thing that fucking blows about this 140 characters. You cannot Pick up tone. You can't hey, what's up, man? God, dude. Stop fucking being an idiot Joe Don't fuck you can't pick up where he's was coming from. Was he like, the way you hear it is, stop trying to be fucking kip, you fucking idiot. That's the way you hear it.

On depending on your mood or where you're at. But you could be like, dude, stop trying to be a hip, Joe, you asshole. Come on. I mean, he said this tweet made me cringe. I mean, I think it was pretty clear that he was going, this tweet made me cringe. Please don't try to sound him. Yeah, but dude, dude, this tweet, he said this tweet made me cringe. I mean, I think it's pretty clear There's going to be cringes. Please don't try to sound happy Dude, yeah, but this tweet dude this tweet made me fucking cringe bro. What the fuck you don't know where his tone was You just know what he wrote so he could be a big fan of yours and wrote this But he doesn't know also a lot of people don't know that you're fucking can rap dude you have a you I mean people don't know that you rap I mean I tell people like get the fuck out of here.

You know hip hop, you know rap, you know the culture, you know the music, you do. I mean, look, if you look at you, dude, you should know books and big books. And where the near library is? And you should know where fucking, like somebody is playing a game in a mall, like in one of those fucking game fucking stores.

We're doing the latest magic, the gathering. Yeah, yeah. That's what you look like, Joe. You look like you should be shopping for fucking shoes and playing card games somewhere. You do those things, too. Yeah, you just also happen to know your stuff on hip hop. So you, they don't know that you know that,

but here's the thing, fine, blow it the fuck off. I'm learning to like the here's a fucking guy This is what I hate you a guy tweets Opie about me Okay, so he's not tweeting me. He's trying to be fucking funny to Opie about me. Never mind. You're right It's like fuck you dude. You know that shit bugs me. Go be funny. Just say my name. Don't fucking involve me You're not a fan of mine. You're not my failure. Opie's fucking fan. Go be his fucking fan I never asked you to come to fuck over here You know what I mean? I got like that is probably your fan. He listens to the podcast is trying to just be funny with you He is a fan. He follows me which that doesn't always mean a fan. Okay, okay,

fine. Fair enough. I have a lot of people that follow me that aren't my fan. They follow me because of somebody else. And then they really don't like me. It just always bugs me, man, that like that. And like this is not, this isn't ego talking in any way. I know who the fuck I am. I don't think I'm something. Who are you, Joe? Tell us. I don't think I'm something who are you Joe tell us I don't know Tell us Joe. Who are you Joe tell us Joe? I'm dangerous Joe. Yeah, you got a gun in one hand and it's come learn the other day Take a sip Joe. Give me a sec. Tell those people what you really feel Love broads the crowd. Tell that guy off. What's his name Joe? What's his name? Yeah, tell him what you how you really feel Joe

What's his name, Joe? What's his name? Yeah, tell him. Yeah, you really feel, Joe. Bauté de, get me a Scotch in a nine millimeter. Uh-oh, it's a Joe D special. Uh-oh. Boom, boom. This, uh, but like this, it bugs me that like,

when I, it's just, you know what, it's not this guy in me, it's the, it's the, it's fucking Twitter, it's technology, it's the culture. It bugs me anymore. It's like when I was a fan of somebody, and I could by chance email them or write a letter or whatever, the last fucking thing I would do is try to be a smart answer and salt them as a fan.

I'd wanna take the time, the opportunity I had to say to them, dude, I really like what you do, man. Thank you. Or whatever. I'm not saying this kid's got to thank me. I'm not going, I deserve to be, I don't mean like that. It's mean like, why waste the opportunity?

And it's because, oh, because of the dynamic that this social shit is created. Can't amount of your life, Joe. Here it doesn't matter. Just get them out. Who? Email the kid back and go, look, man, you're a fucking idiot. Go fuck yourself. You can't't here's what you do you either get you either just block them get them the fuck out and have them go with the Flook man who cares?

Who cares stop caring about one person how many people follow you? I don't a lot like 13,000 That's a lot. It's not that no, it's not that I mean for you if you it's a lot. No, it's not that. If for you, it's a lot. For where you're at in the business, it's a lot. Seriously. I appreciate it. No, that's a lot of people that's following you, dude. Seriously, I know guys that are more famous than you

that have less followers. That's nice. How many of you got? 1500. Yeah, but you had fucking 800. 500. 500. When we first got on the podcast so yeah people will follow you guys but these people that's what I'm saying that's why this podcast

is great show I love this fucking podcast I love the people that listen to it you know why because they're fans of the podcast they're not fans of Twitter or someone who told some other show, whatever the fuck you did, or it's your fans. You know what, dude, fucking people that follow you now are your fans. They like what you do. They come in every fucking Monday and the thousands. And thousands. And the fans. Like Joe D and me and Danger.

So look, you gotta let that guy have a fucking pass. He has no idea. And you know what? I don't do that. I fucking read these ads and the only ones that I delete now are the fucking ones that don't like me, that I know you don't like me. You're not a fan.

The ones that have kind of bust them balls, I try to answer the fans too. If they ask a question, they wanna know something I'll try to take a day or a time to fucking answer them back. There's people that want me to do their podcast, I really can't out of the time, but I'll say I'll tell them, look I don't have the time, I'm sorry, respond to these people that are fans, the ones that are fucking cool, I acknowledge, and the ones that aren't, fuck you, could buy. And

then they get mad. And if you email me and go do what the fuck I was just kidding go well the fuck you dude how the fuck am I supposed to know and you get rid of them who cares I know I know look I know I know I really believe in my heart that he was just trying to be funny And I get that I hope he was really trying to be mean but here Sweet set him again. I hope the next tweet is no dude. I wasn't I don't like you and I think you're a fucking phony To wall the wall the wall being broken down just bugs me. It's like it's everything. It's like your whole life I don't just no distance. I know we talked about this over it Oh, we've done it a million times on this podcast and here's the deal

It is what it is. That's why I do Instagram Instagram is just photos. I don't have to fucking I don't I don't write anything to anybody I just put my photos up and that's it and people like them. Well, they don't do people do Instagram I like it like becoming like Twitter where you get a lot of followers I got I got I got a lot of followers. I got like 25 or 3000 people the follow me on there I got you 25 or 3,000 people that follow me on there. I got, you know, on Instagram, but I like it because I can do my stupid shit that I like doing, taking photos with my stupid phone and showing them to people where I'm at today, what I did, blah, blah, blah. Look at this asshole.

Same shit. And Twitter too. Twitter is what it is, man. My favorite thing is this podcast. I want to talk about social media. You probably get more people showing up at your shows and true fans of yours and Dan's and mine that actually listen to the fucking show.

This is what I focus on. I love doing this. You know, this is a, this is social media. We do this for nothing. You know, the fans help us out too. The fans that donate, the fans that came to the live show, the fans that, you know, come up to you and go, how many times do you at a show now

and they do the fan of the podcast, big fan of the podcast? That's the shit. Yeah, it's great. They're showing up. That's the difference. You want to know why people are famous is because the people show up. The people get behind them.

And now you have a platform, this podcast or something where whatever it is, the fans that you have are yours. You know, the thousands of fans, the 30,000 people that download this every week are fans of the show. Because you actually have to do something. You have to go download it, put it on your phone and listen to it. It's not a quick thing where you get a quick thing. You can just blast you on Twitter, 140 characters, because you wrote something that you thought was, it's not, quick thing where you get a quick thing you can just blast you on Twitter 140 characters because you wrote something You know that you thought was it's not it's the whole thing you get to hear the beginning of the story in the end of the story Right, you know, it's interesting about this Twitter thing is there's don't ever interrupt me. I wasn't are you finished your sentence Bobby?

Okay, go ahead of the headphones on but I appreciate your aggression and I love you Do a voice. We'll maybe do it. But there's some comics on Twitter, and I was talking to my friends at Live in Los Angeles. There's one guy that has, You're only friends. My only friends.

He has like 140,000 followers on Twitter, and he's not that good of a comic, but he got really big on Twitter. And now he's like selling out theaters and stuff. Yeah. And his act sucks. Yeah. It's it's it's yeah. I'm not going to mention. I don't want to mention. All right. Well, here's a deal. That's a fucking hang on one second. All right. Dangerous. You can. Okay. There you go. There you go. There you there you fucking go. Like he's killing it at 140 characters, but he can't do. Yeah, exactly. You'll go and you'll fucking, you'll do your shit show

and you'll make people not wanna go to the next show. Who me? Not you. Yes, not you. So, not you, but yes you. No, fuck you, take that back. I'm not saying you. I can feel you're looking at me.

Yeah, because I was doing a podcast. We were doing a little... What do you think I'm Kathy and I stare? I don't look at you,'m looking at me. Yeah, because I was doing a podcast. We were doing a little, what do you think? I'm Kathy and I stare. I don't look at you though. That was all right. This is her. No, Joe.

Oh, she didn't fucking. Don't take us deeper into the vortex. If you don't want to talk about it. You're right. Oh, Joe. Bring it back to Rosa. Look at man, I don't even, I let go of it, man. I let go of the Twitter because here's the deal.

The only control is the shit that you put out there. If I wanna put a Twitter out there, I'll do it. I'm not doing it to get a response. There's some people that tweet professionally. They work all day at thinking of funny shit to say on Twitter. Right. And they put 140 of funny shit. There's some good for them. They're, that's what they do.

But they don't do a fucking, what, what I do, they don't fucking, they don't do podcasts, they don't go on stage for an hour and fucking kill it. They don't, they don't do that shit. You know what I mean? They don't have that ability. They don't, they don't, that's what they do. Good for you.

And I have nothing against them. I, I actually like reading some of the people right Morgan Murphy's funny. I just funny. She's really funny She's a great. She's not she a headliner comic around the world now But you know what she's funny on stage, but she's also really funny on Twitter. She's amazing on Twitter Andy Levy's fucking really funny. He's really funny on Twitter, man. But you know, is he a stand-up comic? Can he go and do it? No, but he's funny on Twitter. So they get followers from Twitter. They found a niche to actually get people to be into them in fans of them. So now people will watch the show because Andy's on it. Now Morgan will get people to come to her shows

because of her Twitter. Okay, great, that's fine. I'm doing this podcast to get people to go to my shows. I want you to listen to me in these three, the other two idiots and fucking come to our shows when we do them. And this is for you too, this is our Twitter. It's just a long, it's a long version.

This is the longest fucking version of Twitter ever. You know? Right, right. And we do Twitter. I mean, you just gotta let it go, man. You block the people and don't even think about it. If it fucking bugs you, and you see something that you're like, ah, fuck like this guy who did that to Opie, I'm not gonna block them.

It's like whatever. I don't really block that many people anymore. And you know what? I blocked a few people. they got wind of it. And now people say nice shit. And people aren't a fucking asshole. All they'll say, I do it, I love you at the end of it when they say something mean.

I only block it when people are like, you fucking suck. I hate you when you're on the red eye. Five people on your Twitter. I'm kidding. I'm kidding, dude. Look man, the more famous you get, the worse it's gonna get. I know there you go

There you go. I've seen it. You know the more famous you get the worse. It's gonna fucking get so fuck it Who cares who gives a fuck man who cares? Just fucking blow it off dude. It ain't worth it because there's more way more people that love you even the ones that bust your balls I love you But anyways, dude, so look at I hate I hate ending the podcast on that because we've talked about it so much Fucking god damn it. I'm aggravated that you brought that up Joe. Why why? Because we were on such a great tear. Oh, it was a great tear. That was that we've done it before So what I don't like repeating fucking I think it's like playing the jams huh?

Yeah, I don't want to play the jams. I want to fucking create We listen, I know the score you didn't have to go in a long tirade Well, you know, I that's what I do. I just wanted to complain about a tweet that was bugging me That's what I do that. I thought maybe we talk about the hip hop album to be honest with you What's a hip hop album? Your hip hop album? No, the one I was tweeting about. What is it? This guy apathy's really fucking good. He's been around for a while, apparently.

I just heard of him though. Let's talk about the guy who fucking did the new poster. Yes. Beck. You saw it, right? Yeah, which poster? The fucking, the comic book poster. Yeah, un-buff-fucking-driven.

That's hermits, the guy. But let's fucking pay, hey. Holy shit. That's for you. Literally. Hi. No, that's for you. Oh, all right, what was it?

I mean, very easy. All right, what was it? Yeah, that thing's great, man. That, dude, back, God bless you. Holy shit, that was awesome. Fan from Germany actually put a design. He did a comic book of the show Me joe. Oh my god Derosa

It's unbelievable. It's the best thing of fans ever sent me he's got his soft blue eyes Oh god, and he's got monster voice in the back. It is just fucking beautiful So it's actually gonna go up on the merch site soon We're gonna figure out what to do with it to get it to you guys So you guys can have a copy of this to back holy shit. It might be my favorite. Oh, it's fucking brilliant It's brilliant. I'm excited to get a post my fat fingers down my fat little hands Yeah, it's a great great poster. Thank you back, but yeah, I'm a I actually uh I'm gonna be uh I'm doing UCB tonight by the way are you really you're doing yeah what is it that's Tuesday is Monday you're

doing what plush yeah oh you're gonna fucking murder you don't know that are you kidding me I don't know how do you know because it's the best show in town you're gonna blow the asshole out of the room I don't know they're they're not gonna be able yeah do you know because it's the best show in town? You're gonna blow the asshole out of the room. I don't know. They're not gonna be able Yeah, you don't understand it's they blow the asshole out of it. Yeah, give it a red salt Let me how why do people make up new terms for fuck it? Why can't you just you gonna kill it? Why do we have to have a no blow the asshole out of the room? I thought it sounded cool It didn't blow the asshole out of the room. It doesn't sound does. It does. Listen, not that they need my help. They saw it every week, but they do.

They, it is the best show in town. It is quite possibly the best show in the country. Really? It's just, it's just the most attentive. We'll go anyway. You want to go audience. They're ready to laugh. Nobody's talking.

They're just having a great time. Like shit. It's the best. I it. It is the fucking best, man. And they're not snotty. Like shows like that get a get a bad rap. Sometimes when they go, oh, is that that downtown? I read the New Yorker. Yeah. It's not in it. No, no, they have they have they run the fucking gamut of comics on that show. You know, every guy I know, whether they're a downtown or a club guy or a national or not, whatever, they go on, they fucking kill. It's great, man. It's, oh, I love that show. I can't wait. I can't wait. I did it

once before already. It was cool. I didn't fucking blow the ass a lot of the room. I'm sorry. I said that. Well, I mean, come on. I apologize. How long have you been doing comedy? Seven years. Really? Okay. How's the career going? It's come pretty good.

I, you know, it has to give him my spot. I canceled last week. He got the fucking, he got the fuck, you got my, I usually do the last spot on the first show. You, you're not even on the second show. You are on the first show when I'm not around. Yeah.

So now you're gonna actually be where I'm at on the first show, which is the Elite Comics. Yeah, it's, yeah. How does it feel to get treated like an actual comedian? It feels pretty weird and good. It feels really good. It feels really good. Robert, I want to thank you so much for bringing me then so tough.

I'm trying to work my way in. I mean, they let me do sometimes the late show without putting my name on the border. Hopefully, one of these days, I'll be allowed to do the show with professionals. I'm just trying to work up to the professional level in this business. Yeah, how does it work, Dan? Tell him. I don't have time right now, but you know what I'm professional professional, you tell him, tell him. I mean, I'm just brand new.

I'm just really learning the ropes right now. You actually, you did what me and Godfrey and Corielli did. You got right in and right to the front show. Right. I mean, you made it right past everybody. You're on the first show, dude. That's Norton Quinn, Tom Papa. I mean,

Wow. I'm scared. Following Quinn. I love calling Quinn's one of my friends. Following Quinn is like, it's the best following call. Because he's up there telling jokes and they're ready to laugh.

So yeah. So how does it feel though? Just feels good. That's nice, man. We're all in to mid-air. You're a fucking humble. You know what? Fuck you. Honey, go boil some water. We're on to mid-air. You're fucking humble. You know what? Fuck you. Okay. Honey. Go boil some

on us. It's funny. What are you doing? It's not he's doing humble. No, he's fucking with me. He's fucking with me. Back. It's funny. It's just he's doing like feels good. I don't like it. I want you to really fuck with him. I'm Yeah. Yeah. Fucking you. What it feels like? Feels like domination. Yeah. What do you

want? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Feels like I'm just kicking the shit out of it. I'll tell you what it feels like to me. It feels like I'm Alan Thick on growing pains. No, you're Leonardo DiCaprio. We're in the sixth season. I'm like, hey, can we show you the ropes? It's like, hey, stupid.

Have fun at your reunion growing pains movie where you'll go to Europe. I'll be shooting the departed. That's what the fuck it feels like. Fuck. Well, no, you know, of course I love the proprietors of our sister podcast, live from the table. And hopefully one day I can get on your radar folks. Let's go in the cellar.

Let's go in the cellar. Let's go in the cellar. You're gonna go out and I want, we're gonna set a night with you. Like a live aid, but for Joe. And anytime you walk by the cellar, we have to let you in the cellar Let you in the cellar

Just give him a sense let you in the cellar Let you in the cellar Late night spot please Fucking Joe can't catch a brag all right man, that's the end of this podcast. We're gonna wrap this up. I think we did a three hour podcast. Make sure you go to atjoderoceacomity on Twitter and be nice to the fucking guy.

Could somebody just fucking be nice to Joe? You know what? For all the, for me, all the bitching you do not mean tweet. Listen. I got a nice tweet. I got a lot of nice tweets. No, of course we do.

We love you all. Thanks for all the nice tweets and the middle tweets and and thanks for following us and go to at Dan Soder on Twitter and make sure you follow him because he's only has 1500 people. Which I'm okay. Shut up you fucking neutral stupid. We want to do. Thanks for following us. We got a new one at YKWD podcast on Twitter. Make sure you spread the word about that. Thanks for donating. Make sure you go to the merch page.

Check out our shit and robbercallylive.com for all my dates. Joe, Joe de Rosa comedy.com, for his few dates that he has up there. And if you like Guinness, I'm kidding. And yeah, yeah, go. Joe has a lot of dates. You got to find them, but listen. Ha ha ha.

You can go to South Beach Comedy Festival.com to find out where I'm gonna be. He's at South Beach. Jesus. And South by Southwest. Wow, I'm at South by Southwest. I know I'm hosting a show for you. Nice.

Joe, you're at, okay, bye. Yeah. I'm gonna sing a song for you guys. Joe, you're at, okay, bye. See ya. You know what I did? But this part's hurting, I'm sorry You know what I did? Really did, really, really, really You know what I did? I just started sticking you