Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Kelly's Finally Funny

Episode Date: August 12, 2013

Robert is joined by Dan Soder, Joe List, Ry Doon, Kyle Ploof and Kelly Fastuca, as Kelly finally zings Joe.   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid.

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Estoy en Denver ahora en la intro. ¡Oh, f***in' ay! ¿Y qué? Oh, fucking a, you know, it's around 6.30 an hour or so before show time Friday night. Kelly finally funny, I believe the episode is called. And you know, it's Rhydune from Vine, who's been a guest in the show before. You guys know him. He's got like 700,000 followers on Vine. And that's not even a lot.

Him and all his friends are, I mean, 2 million people. It's crazy. Six-second videos. These people are, you know, having meetings in the central park with 5,000 people showing up. It's crazy. Fucking crazy. Crazy. Well, he came on.

I tried to get into it a little bit with him. You know, who else? Kyle Poofe came in a community from Boston who has a podcast, the Pooff is in the pudding, worst fucking name for a podcast ever. Jesus Christ. The Pooff is in the, I'd love to just know who okayed that. Dude, what do you think about the Pooff is in the pudding? I like it, man, I like it.

I think it, you know, it's your, ugh, that person should be, I'm not Kyle, the person that I like it man, I like it. I think it, you know, it's your neck. Ugh, that person should be slurred. I'm not Kyle. The person that okayed it, that person should be slapped in the fucking face. But I like Kyle. We had Dan Soda, Monster Voice, and Joe List, the truth. And Joe List, the truth. And Kelly Fistuka, and intern Ro, was leaving soon. She's gone, very soon. Holy shit. I was away for a few weeks, so, you know, this is the first one back in the studio for me for a while.

It was you know look I'm tired I'm fucking I don't know it was a good show you know I always like it's you know when I invite these people into the podcast I try to I like somebody new I like you know somebody who likes to debate or talk about shit in serious ways. I like people, I like certain people that just do jokes and fuck off and have fun and, you know, it's, uh, I like having, that's why I like having more than just two people or three people on the show. I don't want it to become, it is what it is. And it's due to the people in the room. And this one, you know, was it, I thought it was funny. I thought it was good, but I don't fucking know after this one.

There's some of them I know, when we're done, that was, that was, fuck you if you don't laugh at that. But this one was good. I don't know. You know, Kelly fucking nailed, she fucking finally just stepped up to the plate and hit a fly ball to center field that nobody caught. And that's good. You know, I began to couple emails about Kelly.

You know, you guys, you stop picking on her. I've seen her. She's funny. Yeah, that's good. She's getting funnier. That's what she's supposed to do. You know, if we lie to her, you know, let me tell you something. I've been around comics that lie to each other about how funny they are.

And they never question, that's why, you know, my friends might be fucking assholes, but I love them because they're honest. You know, the one thing that East Coast comedy community has is that we don't really let each other get away with that much bullshit, you know, at least my generation. And I think this generation that's coming up to Soda and List, you know, I don't know about the one after that, but you know, if the Namiya podcast is stupid, it's fucking stupid. Fuck you. The proofas in the pudding sticks.

But I love fucking plufumself. And the show is good. The show is good. So listen to it. Um, you know, Kelly, is she the funniest person in the room? No. She's getting funnier. She's learning, you know, that's what you do. You become better and better every year. You know, that's one of the reasons why I kept her on the show, because I thought it was interesting to see somebody evolve comedically, you know, to push her and I'm glad that you know,'s um so you know I get the emails but you know

we're not picking on her we I love Kelly out I'll fucking stick up for Kelly to anybody but you know it's you know we don't pick on her we just if it's funny it's funny and we can anybody can say something to me and I'll say something back that's my option I get to be funny back so it's just that you know it seems like we're trashing her but if she's not fighting back and saying funny something back. That's my option. I get to be funny back. So it's just that, you know, it seems like we're trashing her, but if she's not fighting back and saying funny shit back to us, it's one way. So you think it's, but it's not. She could literally trash like she did this one, this episode. She came back and fucking said something hilarious. And she was on top. You understand how it goes? I go then you go. So, you know, we all love Kelly, is my point.

And, you know, she is getting better. I've heard great reviews, and I like hearing that. I love when Kelly did great. She'll calm me and said she had a good set. I like the evolution of a comic. I love when comedians become better. I love when comedians listen to comedians that are better than them and take the advice. Like I've, you know, Norton and Byrne and Colin and Louis and Patrice, they've all, they've said stuff to me over the years that I've taken in

and tried to, it's not an ego thing. It's not like, fuck you, I'm just as good as you know fuck you Know your worth Know your worth who said that to me Neil Brennan of all people Which may the most sense to know your worth in this business You know very important, but Have confidence Very important, but have confidence. You know, but know your worth.

But this was a good one. It was a good episode. It was, you know, the first time back in a studio. And, you know, I've been fucking exhausted. You know, it's a weird, you know, when you pick these podcasts and who's going to be here. You know, it's, I try to, I don't know, I try to make it an interesting choice knowing what people how people are.

Because again, we don't have topics. I don't come in with a fucking hate. Let's talk about that. I want to do this and I don't have notes and I don't do that. I don't believe in it. I know other shows do, but I just... You know, I like to just let it go and if it's fucking is good it's good if it's okay it's okay if it's great it's great you know it's a like

you know it's a fucking comic hang and sometimes they're great sometimes they're good sometimes they stink that's what I like about it. You know? So, I don't know, I'm fucking a ramblin' Probably because I'm alone in Denver. I went and saw a movie today. By myself, I felt like an old man. I sat in the last row with all the other old men. So these other fucking old dudes. I had planters peanuts. I had a bottle of water and protein bars

stuff fucking Crazy Anyways Good news coming specials coming went looked at theaters in New York. Looks like going to be doing it in New York City. Two shows, so you know, when I make that announcement, I want you guys to get those tickets and pack the fuck up. Also, we're going to be doing some stuff for the, what do you call it, the New York Comedy Festival at the Village Underground. So look out for that. I got some good, good comedy news coming out.

So make sure you follow me on Twitter. Join my Facebook, Robert Kelly comedian. Don't, don't join my fan page on there. And you know, just go to my website, robikellive.com, make sure you join all my social media and all that stuff. And check out my tour dates. This weekend I'm gonna be at Uncle Vinny's in Jersey. The week after that I'm gonna be at Marco Island.

I'm going back there. So if you guys are down and up, where the fuck Marco Island is in Florida, get your asses over there and let's hang out. Other than that, man, go to my website, check out all my stuff, touring and all that. And like this shit and get this and review it and subscribe. That's all it is, subscribe.

Subscribe on iTunes. Takes two seconds on your computer. That's how you can help out the show. I want to thank all you guys who are supporting our sponsors and donating to the podcast. We're really going to try to step this shit up in the next couple of months. We're really going to try to step it up and you guys donating and supporting the sponsors and you know that money coming in makes it easier on me to be able to do this show. You know, it's, I do a lot. I got a lot of shit, I'm flying, I got a kid, it gets fucking nuts and then to run a network, you know, there's 12 shows at me in

Rob's Prancer running and trying to get, we're adding more and, you know, there's 12 shows at me in Rob Spranzer running and trying to get them. We're adding more. And, you know, and we're doing it for fucking nothing. Penny's man, Penny. So, you guys helping out and supporting is unbelievable, really unbelievable. So, I thank you for that. I thank you for the donations and I thank you for supporting the sponsors. It's, you know, fucking great. Draft King, we got Amazon, Tweet.io, we did a Fox ad, you know, these sponsors come in. And if you guys, you have companies and you want to do ads on my show, just email

me, ykwdricast.com. You guys have, you guys want to do some ads on my show, just email me, ykwdricast.com. You guys want to do some runs on my show. Big tree email me, let's do this. Anyways, I'm fucking yapping, cause I'm all alone in the room in Denver. I'm all alone in Denver. I got a cramp in my calf and my knees hurt him Because I'm overweight even though I ate yoga for two days

I should be a country singer and you're the show fuck I did Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton, this is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Cricer. Staying cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what, dude?

You know what, dude? If you bippy, bippy, bby, bippy, bup, dippy, dippy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy, dhy have a deal. DEEED! This is Robert, come with me, you know what, dude! You know what, dude! I'm gonna eat your brownie for sure. Is that better? I bet't see. I'm ready to burn you. Is that better? I bet you are. Robert, is that better? Oh fuck yeah, shut up. Testing 1, 2, 3.

Everybody turn your fucking headphones down or up. What? Joe, what did you just turn into a goofy vampire? Get it? No. Did you get your teeth fucked up more? No. I eat those cookies like wood. What? You know you look thin. That's because I sweat it all day. I sweat it. I sweat it. I sweat it. I believe it's sweat. I sweat baby sweat. I'll be of a sweat. I sweated to sweat. I believe it's sweat baby sweat. I Beavis sweat. What happened to the thing? I took it to go to Montreal Montréal

I did a I did a podcast in Montreal. Oh, yeah, I went last year We had that's the show that's playing this week is it was calling Quinn. It was Amy Schumer It was Kurt Metzger, Gary Galman, P. Corielli, and Joe DeRosa. Jesus. I'm right. I'm sure that was an easy listen. It was, let me tell you something, here's what happened, they gave me a list.

Okay, they didn't tell me what the show was, they wanted to do your podcast up there. Fuck yeah, I didn't know who was gonna be up there, who wasn't, they don't announce it. You don't know what, you find out as the weeks go on. Then a week out, they gave me a list. And I saw, so I just said, this guy, this guy, everybody. Amy wasn't on it, there was a bunch of people that weren't on it, but I said,

I didn't think everybody was gonna say yeah. And everybody said yeah. So, the night before, I'm like, I don't know where the fuck it's gonna be done. I thought I was gonna be done inside the Hyatt lobby. Just maybe a table. Oh, that would've been awesome. That would've been awesome.

It would've been fucking awesome. We would've made fun of every comic and agent walking through. It would've been hilarious. So I find out it's in a room and people are invited like a live audience. Oh no audience. And what a great audience. And then they everybody said yeah, so I taught Barry show's before me.

And as I come out there's only four chairs and four microphones. I'm like dude I got six people. Everybody said so I panic I'm like dude can I and they want to put in get me in it two more microphones And they got another chair and one chair was different than the other all the chairs were the same except for one and I I was you know, I put the rosa in that one. He got mad that I wasn't you know I wasn't doing it to be a dick. I was just joking like you sitting that one but whatever it worked out It want to be in a great episode it was hard though to fucking steer all those alpha assholes because either they'll fucking talk over everybody

attack me or say nothing. Oh, who in silent? Who at the most silent? Nobody, we worked it out. It worked out. It worked pretty good. You got the band to play together? We got the band.

We actually wound up telling shitty road stories. Collins is the best, of course. Him fucking trying to roast the Niro at his birthday party. Oh, that's an amazing one. Yeah, his wife goes, no, no, no, no, no, just do the De Niro impression. I saw you doing a ness and now. No, no, no, I'm good.

I got, I wrote 20 minutes of new roast shit. She didn't even know about it. And she goes, well, I'll announce you. He goes, no, just bring me up. Like they're gonna know him. She just brought, all right, and he just went up and he goes, ah, thin arrow. Lewis's way, gains way for rolls,

is he a genius or just a fat fuck? Ooh! Pinger up. Bobby, can you turn the internet on again? Because when the... Yeah, can we, uh... Should you do our homework? What?

To get the password, Kelly? Yeah? We're gonna turn off your Wi-Fi. Why, look at Kelly, look. Oh,'re gonna turn off your Wi-Fi. Why? I know why. Look at Kelly. Oh shit. I don't know how that goes in.

Why did I think that was a bottle, a liter of soda? Foda. Get it, soda. Oh. There we go. We're on. This is what Kelly, why? Why, can we just be real for a second now that I'm back?

It was very sweet of you, but to pretend a joke happened. Oh. It was a day. It was not even an attempt. It's of you, but to pretend a joke happened. Oh, it was not even an attempt. You're like, I thought there was a soda bottle. Get it? Yeah. Soda. Yeah, I gotta turn.

You all went down and bugs me already. I was doing the thing like when a little kiss or something. No, you were a little loud, but not because you bugged me. I love you, Joe. But Kelly, can we just be honest with Kelly? What do you need internet for? You never ever have come through with any fucking, anything we've ever asked you to find or get.

The other thing you're good at now is having a list of names and what we could, could, yeah, flantire. Flantire. When we were doing, I'm trans-Zimimim and I had all the information, I had all the transcripts, reading out the transcripts, and I was turning in to nine. Oh, look at that.

Australian Nancy Grace. Yeah. You know, I don't really think that you mean me. That was good. I turned to her. I thought that was her. I thought that was Kelly. I was going to yell.

I want you to, first of all, is that an Australian outfit you're wearing? No. It's the airbag business. This is airbag business. I knew you'd say something about it. I just knew you were trying to put it myself up. Is that an Australian outfit you're wearing? No. It's the air-pick business. This is air-pick business. I knew you'd say something about it. I just knew you were about to try to pretty myself up. So you're gonna don't bring it down.

You do, you're just like, you're just like, you're flying and flying. I'm wearing, it's a very sensible vest. First of all, it's a vest. There's nothing sensible about a vest, unless you're gambling in the 1600s. Or you're the dealer. Yeah, unless you're gambling in the 1600s or you're the dealer

Yeah, unless you're hiding an ace in one of your pockets. Hey, Maverick Listen to me. Yes, um, you hear you do look very pretty your hair looks nice Thank you. Yeah, you lost weight. You worked out a little bit. You lost some weight Tell her thanks for noticing what you look like when I really didn't notice I just said that Yes, I'm that might be didn't notice I just said that I really didn't notice I just said that I really didn't notice I just said that I really didn't notice I just said that I really didn't notice I just said that I really didn't notice I just said that I really didn't notice I just said that I really didn't notice I just said that I really didn't notice I just said that I really didn't notice I just said that I really didn't notice I just said that I really didn't notice I just said that I really didn't notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I really didn notice I just said that I thought you were Janice. Why is he so easy? Which is the first time anyone's realized someone wasn't Janice and was disappointed. That's how you're gonna be. All right, let me go through the room here.

It's very rare thing to have him. Real quick, we got Kelly Fistuka. I may. I used videotaping the whole show with while you're biting your a bottom lip, you little dirty girl. She's like, eh. We got full answer. She has a thing for me. It's very

awesome. It's not for you. We got beautiful row and her high top jeans, her jean shorts. I love her. We got beautiful row who's looking very sexy. Today brought in brownies, which always makes me hard. Row, what's your last name? Row, row your boat. Oh, last name is being Ro your boat? Ro Ro. Ro. Ro your boat.

Ro your boat. I don't even know what that it was. What happened? Well there's three rows. Ro, oh shit, you're right. So funny. I hope you burn yourself. That coffee's too hot for your eternity.

I'm just going with it. Maybe Callie Fistilco, which I never announced for us. Hey Robert, how are you? I was looking good. Yeah, you're. I'm glad you can buttonko, which I never announced for us. Jay Robert, how are you? I was looking good. Yeah, you're good. I'm glad you can button that vest again. Yeah, I know. It was dassy for a while.

She apparently got a new job at a new Italian restaurant and they gave her that vest. Don't do that on the way to the fist. I'll tell her the restaurant. She was like, I'm going to need Vista. We don't have to cut the bass fish at the table. Yeah, we're going to be good We got Joe list is here. Hi That's it. That's all we got what happened to my nickname Joe aka

Hey, you know, you gave me zero the truth. I like that one Just one is fine how about that nickname come on straw mouth We need a multiple nickn. Always looks like he whistles face. You brought up the fact that you had a Apollo creed like nicknames. We have Dan Soda, aka corporate Dan, aka his ship is sailed, aka it's all downhill from hair. Chris Delia, just if I know, is kicking ass and not you. What? I'm sorry. That's what they say about you. Chris Delia, just the funnows kick an ass and not you. What?

I'm sorry, that's what they say about you. Chris Delia, just off-final. Yeah, if it's a matchup. It's got so many words to me. It's named. You know why? Because I know Chris Delia from Boston. And I know Chris, just the funno.

Just the stuffin'o. The stuffin'o. Yeah, yeah. Because I know Mike DeStifano, it's just a name that alludes me. I got some bad news about him though. What happened? Oh boy, that was a good spot. That was a genius.

Nothing like, yes, and our dead buddy, Jack. Wow. I'm sorry, I thought you could look at me, you got to get it. I feel like the joke got a little caught up when you actually, yes, and him. He wasn't expecting it. And we got, we got, ride-dune. Hey, very much like Janus. Right.

We really think I was Janus when you walked in. No, not really, but you do look like Janus. If I had a lot of hair and the five of a cast, he'd just got a good hair line. It would be if Hollywood cast, like the Janus role, would go to ride-dune. Yeah, right, right would play to Ryan. Yeah, right, right, right, would play, you honest. Yeah, yeah. You're right. It's old. Sorry. Ryan should fail his audition for Ryan. He just ran at the casting director.

They're like, we can't even cast the same guy. You know, I should get a role as the girl who came up to you, you honest, in the movie. Hello, puppy. Is that you? We got right, dude. You guys know him from Vine. How many people you got now and vine? Almost 700,000 what seriously? Yeah, what the fuck was it wait a minute?

700,000 I lost something here that he had like 20,000 Hey, then 700,000 people can be wrong all right 700,000 people can be wrong, all right? Yeah. Oh, damn, listen. Why would that come out? It's like seriously? 700,000. The amount of just went, you?

700,000. I get it, yeah, but damn. Yeah, I know how much it is. I know, but you know, fucking go really. Honestly, I kind of feel the same way as that. We all feel the same way as that. We all feel the same way as they are. We're just not going to say he has faith, right? They are social rules.

I'm working with Alan on being more honest. Okay. Dan, if you hear a vine number, that's completely an arach, react to it. No. And the way you should react to it. Don't do the corporate, corporate Dan needs to die. Tell that little fucking guy Tell him what 700,000 what a voice I do voices

And then we got Kyle blue AKA nothing Yeah, very handsome guy very handsome. Yeah. Very handsome guys. Very handsome. Well, he has a podcast. It's the worst best name ever for a podcast. Want to tell him what the name or should I? You can do it.

Kyle Ploof. The Ploof is in the pudding. Oh my god. Did Joe fucker and no. Joe did not come up with the name of that as he stated on you think you're the only one my entire life that has said that Well, it's a hack name Fight fight fight fight fighting fighting fighting in a blue corner Hailing from North Shore, Boston

Kyle the blue and cryo the proof listen the pudding I hadn't heard anyone say it before I said it but if the knowledge people are saying it maybe it's a bit uh you know maybe it's gonna do that bro, I'm turning into Colin you know I'm gonna get you a fuckin' kid right now

you fucking get a poopin' up for it I'm fucking kill you I'm fucking kill you I'm fucking kill you I'm fucking kill you I'm fucking kill you I'm gonna fucking kill you you fucking up poopin' up I'm gonna fucking kill the butt. I fucking kill you when I- I fucking took ya, I fucking took ya, I fucking took ya, I fucking poop in the butt. I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I fucking took you, I get a seat. I gotta go now. I gotta show it's only two in the afternoon on a Wednesday Yeah, early show All right, so this is a fucking This is my first week back. I think in a couple weeks right three weeks. Yeah

Not really yeah, well back doing it here in the studio. I was away Really I thought I got fired here in the studio, I was away. That looks real good. Really? I thought I got fired. No. We're talking about the Ledge. I had nothing to do with the podcast.

I just still have herpes. I get on the ledge every three weeks. Every outbreak. Yeah, so I haven't been back in a while. It isn't Montreal. Fucking Montreal was amazing this year. Fucking amazing. I think I like 20 something shows and be 30 shows.

Did you get managed? Yeah. Actually, I lost management. Dude, that fucking video you did in the smoking jacket made me laugh. Me and Nate were laughing so hard watching that. When you do the cookie shit, you're like cookie boy. Cookie boy. Phoebe. Fuck, when he you do the cookie shit we're like cookie boy cookie boy Fuck when he feeds you the cookie it really makes me laugh. Well that was that was the sound guy and he was so nervous

He was his head was shaking. Yeah, he was like this in my hand because he was so scared to put it in my mouth And I went I just took my time on looking he had a place and I'm like done He was so fucking either He really wanted to fuck me or he really didn't want to fuck me. Yeah, it was either or cuz he was flipping out dude The the fucking line about the jacket is my favorite. I think this is how Houdini died cuz that's such a bobby fact He makes something up like that. I suppose that riot cask guitar. That's awesome Yeah, we just alright fucking ADHD Last time I was here I was unraveling mentally. Yeah fucking big in squirrel relax

Damn, that's squirrel. That's the dog from the fucking thing squirrel Yeah, we got the riot cast Jesus Christ. She's all peppy today Get pronounced sexy We yeah, we got that Rob Rob Sprance got the Ryokaz Getsaw in. So where we go. But anyways, mantra was fucking amazing. The best one I've had so far.

My one man show, not one man show, my hour that I did at the catacombs. The first time I ever got to do my hour there was fucking phenomenal. I had Louis Katz open for one. Great. And Paul Verzi open for one. They both fucking annihilated. Lot of podcast fans came.

That's great. Oh, I fucking unbelievable dude. That's the worst part. When you're doing all these other shows, I did the dating show, I did the nasty show, I did the daincook gala. You know, 3,000 people standing ovation, only one. I'm standing ovation!

I'm standing ovation! I'm standing ovation! Bobby, you're choking, you okay? I'm sorry, just... That's like the retired football player that always brings up that one stat that he had, where he's like 236 yards rushing to get snobbered. And you're like, yeah, no one asked you, you're selling insurance. Wow.

I'll take that one, bandana. That's all the time. Can you do me a favor? Can you try'll take that one bandana You do your favorite can you try to choke on that bandana? I didn't think it was that bad you but I got you get you get me an arm touch. Yeah, it built up the internet You know I'm like a physical I was like I buckled up I didn't get you on my I knew it was gonna work so you had to like touch you and be like come on joke Just explain I just explained that Kelly. I didn't get in he just reiterating stuff We're talking about Elba and John Madden podcasting. I don't know who Joe Madden is. I

Love Who is John Madden? You should could you have the same arms? I Love that day. It's mad. You get so mad at Kelly so fast really Kelly a fucking cunt what? Yeah the show's unbelievable but here's the thing with the one-hour show. The other shows you know people are showing up. Okay you know people coming in nasty show all the little gals and all the other little shows you do but the

what the hour show it's on you toin' tickets. You know what I mean? So 20 minutes before the show starts, nobody's there. There's two people on the fucking front row. I'm like fuck me. This is gonna be a nightmare. How many seats was it? 14. But listen. It's not that big. The catacombs is a metal club. It's a really cool place. There's actually a tree of skull heads in the middle of it And I said those are all the new faces that never fucking went anywhere but

At the last minute every they hold people at the door and they don't let them in So then they let them all in at the last minute and at the whole floor filled up and Versi fucking annihilated Louis cats fucking killed it. It was just a fun fucking show I bombed I took a hot one at St. Catharines They asked me hey, you want to do close the show and I just went down all confident because I've been just annihilating Then every show I just been killing it and I walked in like the last one to go on after Slatin and big J was hosting and you know Big J's fucking opens up with yeah, I our fucking Vag is pumping blood and fucking, Jesus squirts out our shithole, what?

So I went up and just took a hot one. A nice fucking hot one. I walked through the crowd, that's that long room where you have to walk through the crowd at the end. I walked through the crowd right out the front door, I got back to the other place and the girl who walked me there, I go, where did you go?

She goes, I thought you needed a little alone time. Oh, that was beautiful. I laughed my ass off. It's great to be able to take a hot one up there. I mean, look, I had 30 great shows. I had one fucking hot one, but it's great to go up there finally and just have a good time. You guys, you're going to know that. Last time you went there, you went up there for shit, right?

You went up there, you had expectations. When you go up there just cause you're a good comic and they're putting you on shows, cause you know, it's a good show. You're gonna have so much more fun. When you have your management, you have your agents, you know, give a fuck, you're not there for anything. You just have a fucking great time.

It's unbelievable, fucking great time. It's unbelievable. Fucking great time. Everybody was up there this year too. Everybody. Except for you and you. Have you ever been jailed? I've been twice. Oh, okay.

Um, I'll prove. Never. I know, not yet. Really? Well, that's not good-cared way. I mean, you've never been up. Have you ever tried? No. I've never even been to,

I've been through Canada. I've never even been to, I've been through Canada, never even been to Canada. You've never auditioned for, No, really? No, you should. Yeah, someday. Anyways, it was awesome. Fucking great time.

I have a question. When you say hot one, what does hot one mean to fabricating? What does hot one mean to you first? Mm-hmm. Just like, pretty much silence. Maybe a few chuckles. Yeah, try new stuff and feeling uncomfortable.

Right? I look, it just, I didn't bomb, but I did not do well. I did, look, first of all, there's a guy in, not a wheelchair, it's almost a machine. You know when they're so fucking paralyzed, they just lie there and they can look at you. You know what I mean? They're like half like a half moon fucking stance.

Like just they're- Quadripleager. Yeah, they're feeder up. Yeah. And their head is up. Usually happens with major trauma to the spine. Yeah, those fucking stay home. You know, okay, do you hear that?

People that have had tragic incidents. How's this? You're a little medical kid. You're scared, Bobby doesn't want to look at you because you're bumming them out. I think those people bailed in this show a long time. Yeah, how's this? I don't want to. How's this dude?

Don't sit in the front. The fuck is he going to sit in the middle? I won't put him in the back on a fucking riser. He's not just an old piece of me in the back of the bus. He's not just an old piece of me in the back of the bus. I don't think he has control over where he's at. Yeah, he does. Use that straw and a man in the back of the box. I don't think he has control over where he's at. Yeah, he does. Use that straw and make it to the back.

It sucks to wait for the straw reference. They put him right in front and I keep looking over at him. He can't laugh. I don't even know if he's enjoying himself. I'm picturing Han Solo when he's frozen in the fire. Yes, but I just imagine it, but it's always that surprised. Yeah, like if he's drooling, he's laughing. Yeah, he's got a stick his tongue out just a little

Like he's tasting a strawberry I liked it. I don't fucking know freaking me out and then Give him a show wrong when you walk out and you're too cocky and you look at this you know Hey, look at this fucking old fuck and nobody gets it everyone hates you right away Opening for you when we all worked together at levity live. I did a joke about, uh, I do shots like a cop who's partner just got shot. And there was four guys in the front row and they'll start talking. I go, you guys aren't, you guys aren't cops, are

you? No, yeah. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, he's like, our partner just got shot. I was like, so for the rest of those 25 minutes, I was like, Hey, it was so fucking awkward. You weren't drinking the same way they were drinking. No. Well, they were. Maybe they would have been like, why are they black? Black. Black. Oh, black. But, um, yeah, it was fucking great up there this year. I mean, mean it's sad I wish you two were up there would have been a fucking blast could we do this episode with people that were there I tried I tried they didn't come have you know that they doesn't have ADD were just desperately trying to change the topic

yeah mantra I was great look at that guitar what you want you guys to do a dad's episode that looks like an American guitar a dad's episode I don't have one either you fuck yeah, but no but nothing what the fuck I was trying to just because mine didn't die Sisters episode huh Sisters episode your sisters dead. Yeah, how'd you die? Excellent did I forgot about that? So sorry, we almost made a t-shirt remember what was it gonna be called day and sisters dead? about that. We almost made a t-shirt, remember? What was it going to be called?

Dick and sisters dead? Fuck me, really? Oh my God, dude. What the fuck? What a sad t-shirt. I know. That was a sold though. Like hotcakes.

Oh my God. We should have put that on the back like hotcakes. And sisters dead like hotcakes. You know, it's crazy though. It's honest to God, this fucking vine shit that duneon and who you all your other pals that what's their names? Like Jerome jar Nicholas McGalice keep going Jazz musicians that I know Yeah, Nicholas McGalice he played with

Muddy waters What's the other guy's name Rudy? Rudy Mancourt, so yeah, do you like Rudy? Does he not you not get along with him? No, no, no, he's cool. Yeah? I've made, like, pretty good friends with Rudy. Here's the problem with you. And your friend's ready. Oh, boy.

I'm gonna say this. We're doing a longer show than normal. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Here's the problem with you guys. You, what's the name's again? You got you. You got Rudy.

Yep. Who's the guy who does the awkward? That's Jerome, Jerome. Jerome, and then you got Nick. Rudy, who's the guy who does the awkward? That's Jerome, Jerome. Jerome, and then you got Nick. Nicholas, yep. And then who else? The girl, the girl. Around here.

There's a girl who's a man. A man who's gorgeous, by the way. You guys are like really genuinely nice people. Oh, right. And you guys all really like each other. And you're all super nice to each other and supportive. And comics don't like that. We don't like that.

But that you probably have problems like that too, they'll love each other and it will sweeten us. It's weird. Like I watch that stuff and I'm like, wow these guys really are just friendly. If that was five comics, you know one would be like, I'm not fucking doing this. Nobody's happy for anybody's success. No, no, no, no, no. Why not?

Maybe they're not, they're just really fake. Comics like each other, we can't show it. There's a, people are really, what's the fucking word? Competitive, that's the word. Everyone's competitive. And Vine, yeah. So there is some type of weird shit.

Yeah, there's weird little, okay, good, that makes me so. That makes me so. We all wanna like, paint each other and we talk about that like right We all want to do better than each other really yeah, I know I know here I've seen some like who's the Nicholas has like a two million people exploded two million fucking people wraps. Yeah, yeah

Yeah, oh, he's a great. What is he the Greek fellow that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's hilarious yeah great two million people great those are fucking Dave she'll tell numbers it's fucking crazy that two million people will fall look I like him too I watch this stuff but he's fucking nobody yeah he but he now he's somebody I watch videos this weekend these cocksuckers are at Central in New York Thousands of people surrounding them kids the young kids But it's everywhere and they have Mike and they're like making thousands of kids do shit for vines for vines I'm sitting in the count them. It's like 500 people there was like last weekend like

Popular East Coast finders met up for a meet and greet. I never really understood the point of this. Yeah crazy Like there was it's like a divine invention. How many estimated five five thousand people listen? Did you hear that? Five thousand fucking boybaths Like like the Beatles they just screaming for you. Yeah, just give me seven, give me seven seconds of your personality then stop and that's it. Give me seven seconds more of your person. Do Alex. Yeah, I like that. On Vine, do you get like likes and stuff or is it just yeah, it's a smiley face actually. Put that. I like that. So how is he competitive with like, oh, it's got like 300 smiley faces on that one.

How can you be a man? Yeah, man, I got to tell you. It's called likes. It's called likes. And now they have revines though. Yeah, revines. You get a revenge. They're going to reach we that's big. Damn, change the game. This guy went to the game. Yeah, last time the first time you want to you had 9,000 people. That's what it was. Yeah, I I think so now you have how many 700

Dan calm down. It's okay. How many followers do you have fucking who knows? 17,000 seven hundred thousand people He could literally If Ryan said I'm going to be here. Yeah, he could so out he could sell out a place But here's the here's the problem. You five months into stand-up comedy. So we're not going to say you're going to do good. You do eat comedy.

Exactly. That'd be funny if you did a couple voices and then you ran out of shit. And then they went, uh, that's a cute projector to go to your finds. Yeah. Can we bring up some vines? Please, guys.

Guys, vines. No, not just one. The second one's better than the second one. One fat girl held up her phone. Dude, a voice! Yeah. Alex. Well, it's fucking, it's a crazy where we are.

And it just, it's nuts where technology is. Six seconds, six seconds, and these two million people, 5,000 people show up, five people, right? Five of you showed up, 5,000 people. That's a thousand people a person showed the fuck up because these guys do six second videos. That's fucking funny. It's like the beepers, like we're like a boy band.

The psychology behind this is fucking nuts Is fucking you know this people that go to acting school College spend thousands of dollars broadway sing dance Fucking every and they they have fucking maybe 400 people falling on Twitter. Are you talking about Kelly? Yes Talking about this shitty. I'm not even talking about himself, so you got them forming.

Just town is fucking show the horn. Get it. It's a bit more direct. No, you need to be more direct, you can't. Kelly, I don't want to be a vacation. I'm like from my writing a book that I'll never finish. But 700,000 is. It's because they're so short.

People feel like they never get to know you So that's the that's the clever way that vine Get to people in so much because they're never gonna Did you see where she fucking lost her confidence? She was so much It was fun watching your very passive aggressive description fall apart. They never have to know you That's why they like you. That's all I got.

I see you're going. Because they're always like, I want to be honest. Hang on one second guys. Kyle go. Huh? That's what I thought. Anyways, that couldn't fill a vine that wrist. Kyle has been doing Kyle.

He's been doing comedy for seven years. Seven years. He's seething right now sitting next to him. I couldn't. I could sell out a room right now with five minutes. And minutes and Kyle's like seven fucking days you're still gonna die job Not really she just not really what the fuck is that every model houses and shit Yeah, but every once in a while Do you do that at night? No, okay?

Do you do that Monday through Friday? No, I do it like when was the last time we did it every six months. What do you do? Comedy and then I'll fuck comedy we got months. What do you do? Comedy and then I'll fuck you. No, fuck comedy. We got that. Yeah. What do you do for bathrooms? Yeah, what do you like? You do it yourself. No, I do it with some other people. Who? Can you do it yourself? Bobby needs to work done. I need something done. All right. I really do. I need I need a fucking I need the work. I don't want on this fucking fucking well you'll get the work you do want if you do the work I'm gonna go that's how it works Bobby is Bobby is

Let's him Hey stay out of the soda So hypothetically then could you do a bathroom? I've never put it in a day But I've heard you like the water fucking spit into your asshole apparently. I don't have no I don't know what you're trying to do with that But yeah, yeah, I'd actually like you spitting in my ass all take that Speaking of which, so there I have a topic of conversation. I'd love to bring up later with that Can you not do with that fucking long fingered hand? You're scaring me you're like one of those things in front of a used car dealership just blowing around

There's your well, there's your well, a bone again, there's your well! Go ahead, here we go. Seven, seven, seven. What's up, you're still on this thing? Just tell me what you want to bring up. Last night, we're sitting at the table. Last night, what's sitting at the table down here talking about butthole, butthole play and sex. Yeah.

I like to be eating out a girl and then lift her legs up and give her butthole a couple of legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think there's ever been... That's because you like salt on your crackers. I don't think... be eating out a girl and then lift her legs up and give her a butthole a couple of licks. Yeah. I don't think there's ever been a lot of it. That's because you like salt on your crackers. I don't think, uh, you don't think there's a, I don't think I'll take it. I'll take the boat out there again. I use, I use the wrong one.

There's not a girl that doesn't like butt play. So and then people are kind of being like, ah, this weird and we're talking butt play. It's all good friendly conversation. And then one friend who asked me a name. That's because you like salt on your fish. One friend who asked to remain nameless. He was like, what about a girl fingering her own asshole? And I was like, that's the fucking off.

Why was that reason? You have to tell us. That's the grossest thing I've ever heard. Who was it? I'm not. You have to tell us. A good friend, and I'm not telling. Do they work their comedy seller?

We're not doing that either. It's the same. I just said there's something at the table. Bob, I just checked with line up from last night and say who it is. Thank you. I figured out, see you inside that. So, and then I was like, what fingering a butthole?

That's fucking disgusting. And everyone turned on me and was like, what are you talking about? You eat butthole. No, I'm way on butthole. But fingering your own ass, so that's like a monkey behavior. You go deep. And then, is anyone into that would you possibly wait a minute?

I don't want to watch a girl finger her own butthole. Yeah I like to be the guy to do it. I've seen that several times in my porn you just fingers your own We're not shocking to me. I'm the second real life though. I've never seen a girl put her Her own figure now you never know the real girl. I've never seen a girl put her own figure in it. No, you've never been a real girl. Oh really? That's like primate. Okay, let's say first of all, I was gonna, I was hoping we were gonna go back into the milk thing.

I want you to fucking have some more coffee. You're getting tired already. You're fucking tucking yourself out. I need to. Look at you. You came in, now you, really? Ooh, I just listened to the episode where Dan was super stoned.

Oh, that was funny. That was one of my favorite episodes. That's great Watching Dan and fucking superior bars Stereo stare off into the fucking ceiling. Well, it's funny is the next day when I'm talking to Bobby He's like you just staring at you need the whole time and I was like I was mentally trying to not unravel So sitting here like everything is I'm sweating. Why am I sweating? I'm sweating now. Look over and Lewis is like, oh, college of three. And he's just and Danny LeBell was on fifth gear doing some Afrocona voice. And look over it. I was just so fucked

up. I'd go home. Oh, that was terrible. I'm never eating wheat again. Yeah. What about ass? Absolutely. Yeah, that's ass. I don't mind getting back to Joe's long fingered question. I don't mind a girl fucking playing with her asshole. I don't give a shit. I've seen it. But what's... I don't care.

Listen, here's the deal. I don't want a kidney beans skin coming out of her finger. Oh, it's a little bizarre though, right? I mean, I get what you're saying, but it's, look, that means that she does that when she masturbates. She likes ass play. Okay? Have you ever played with your own asshole when you jerk off?

No, I'm very uncomfortable with any ass. You don't like any ass play. My own ass play. Okay. Like getting involved in her ass play. Have you ever, you never had your ass eaten, licked? I have. Years ago.

Did you like it? It's fucking awesome. I was into it a little bit. I listened to fucking you of fruit. That has got something to say. Fluffy little leaning in. He was laying down earlier Yeah, we got some ass talk on me to this

It's fine. I'm trying to blow the microphone When you guys talk about A to M you guys going to ask them out? Ask to ask Explain that fucking that fruity Amish beardy I reckon it was still Henley Oh yeah, it was still Henley Yeah, yeah Oh my god, you suck on fucking trial. What are you just correct?

He's correct. You did well. That's not what trial is Trials not keeping a straight face when somebody guesses who likes a girl He's suck under pressure trial Well, it's not that I suck It wasn't even like a multiple choice. She was like it's Hanley. Yeah, because it is It is there you go it wasn't handling yeah who else is on the show who else is on the show Sam morale do you want to talk to Joe

Kelly's on fire Kelly's on fire retired Kelly the fucking Zing no you leave wait no you tell her to leave no tell her we all know the rule Joe can't be zing He has to leave Fucking universe is about to explode joke in Xing quality laugh out loud joke from Kelly for Literally the first time I've ever laughed at anything Kelly said second side of the appausal And you had to stop it because you got to realize that you're laughing at something Kelly said you didn't even get to enjoy it Shit me that was like a real joke I hope did it and you make up on you look attractive. I hope I hope when we're leaving a

Note falls out of a pocket and that joke is written down on it from Lewis It falls out of a pocket and that joke is written down on it from Lewis. She's dead. And they're Kelly. Here's what happened. If they ever bring up the show, I just say Judah would not talk to Joe. Ortea, something whoever you want. Look, Kelly, listen to me, I'm fucking on the deal. And then the-

Fucking cunt. Lily's Kelly's in the bathroom practicing. Oh. And Judah, no luck he would talk to you. Man, I'm not going to do it. If so, it would disagree with someone. My head's going to fall off. Ha-ha-ha. If Soda disagrees with someone, my head's gonna fall off. Ha ha ha ha ha.

That's good. And it's good. It's fucking good. It's good, because I agree with a lot of people. You agree with people all the fucking time, Dad. I'm afraid of abandonment. It's good. So I agree with people.

You're afraid of abandonment, because you got abandoned by two people, they fucking died right on your face. John, forgot sister, boom, gone, bold, father, see you later. Don in the dirt. Does it T-shirt in that?

Yeah. Yeah. Dead dead dead sis. Welcome to the dead dead dead sis club. I'm with dead sister. Yeah. The one person that could guide me. I'm.

Oh shit. Yeah. Jesus. I was. I was too. That was too real. All right, let's. Oh, let's Yeah, yeah. Jesus. You want to get nuts? I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts.

I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts.

I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts.

I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. I want to get nuts. up and then eat the asshole. I think what happens. Just a couple of dibbles, I mean. That's what's a dibble. Dibble sounds like this. Just made it up. Some dibbles? A dibble is when you stick your tongue

and a girl's asshole while eating her own. That's a dibble. Just a tip though, right? Just a little tip. Yeah, yeah. Just over the grills over. Yeah, you know try to make a dick with your tongue. Yeah.

You know how to place the taste in the lid? Now do that with a pussy, not a butthole though. Yeah, a butthole you just lap it. Yeah, you didn't want it in there, because that's where the poop is inside the butthole. There's't have to bite the ticet. Now do that with a pussy, not a butthole though. Yeah, butthole you just lap it. Yeah, you don't want it in there, because that's where the poop is inside the butthole. It's not really poop in the butthole. The poop is actually in the test. At some point the poop is in the butthole.

I like bobby. The poop is in the butthole. Whatever it comes to ass play, bobby is like a Sherpa. He's like, you know what I'm saying, I'm gonna go to the straight. I'm trying to climb him out and you're like, eat ass, you know what I took off, eat that stuff, man, you go this way.

Listen, when you go down on the pussy, sometimes you get carried away. On both ends, you get a little crazy, you get so into it, and if she's getting into it, then you fucking lick that asshole. She might spread her asshole open for you, because getting your asshole eaten used to be my fan. But you used to call your asshole a pussy.

I did that one time. I did that. I love that. Girl was licking my asshole and I went, ah, eat that pussy. She went, what? She didn't, she didn't, she didn't. That's awesome.

She didn't want anything to do with it. I went, she's fucking, I mean, she was literally spreading my ass open. Did she close your clip? This is back when Bobby had sexy Bobby. So, your passionate Bobby asshole. Yeah, my asshole, Yeah, my asshole dude my asshole was fucking gorgeous. It was it was like godly asshole. You're lick Bobby's ass over. Now my asshole looks like the pat the knee pads of an elephant right now.

Pretty fucking great description. So but back then great description. So, but back then, what it looks like. Back then, it looked like if you cut open a trout, it was nice. One of this is smooth. Anyway, freshly fat was I got it. So, yeah, she was licking my asshole,

and I remember I turned, I was on all fours. I got it to a point. 30 girl. I got to a 30 girl. I got to a point with my asshole. Oh my God. When I was, ugh, I remember girls, I would just have girls eat my asshole. Oh my god when I was

I remember girls I would just have girls eat my asshole and suck my deck from behind These are fucking smoke and hot girls one of them was a bartender here. I used to get on all fours Did you used to wiggle your butt? No, why would I wiggle it? I'm gonna keep sitting on their face Wiggling that tongue out of my asshole. No, no, no, before she did it, like you got it all over your head. I sat on girl's faces. I remember I would get it all for. I remember I used to have a, I would take a shower and I would have a girl come to my house and just lick my asshole as I jerked off.

She would just eat my asshole. This chick was like 18 too. She was like a model. Oh god. She's someone's mom now She's like what what did I do when I graduated high school? I ate a lot of butt. Oh dude. I had a hairless beautiful asshole I used to get it licked and that was the time when she was licking my asshole and I went oh eat that pussy. She went what? And I went Well, let me switch gears. What?

You're gonna stop? I was kiddin' with the pussy. I don't got one of those. 8DS, I have one girl. I remember she tapped me on the butt, she goes, uh, go wash your ass. Oh my God. Yeah, because it was like, hot out.

Yeah. I went in and washed my ass, came back, she goes, that's better. Oh my God. Yeah, fucking crazy. They don't make them like they used to, huh Bobby? I remember, I wanted one and I washed my ass came back she goes that's better. Oh my god. Yeah, fucking crazy They don't make them like they used to huh Bobby. I remember I wanted one of my favorite ass eating times Yeah, I had a chick eat under a bridge while a fucking amtrak went by she was eating my ass I can like look I look I saw people like going getting home from work or whatever was and I'm just getting my ass

I've been looked down to go that guy's got the life is getting his ass hole eating under a bridge Guys get in a real nice troll book. I know people people on the like just like did I just see what I do? It's so busy. I work real quick. We're good to that When I got off at the station, I thought I saw a beautiful Spanish man somebody snap buddhully somebody snap to photo. It's like the fucking Sasquatch photo walking across the blurry outline of you with your hands pressed against the wall with one of the surprise face looking at the camera Shaving your butt no girls face. Yeah a lot of girls will eat ass, too. That's a surprising thing a lot of girls Kelly You made us yes, yes, never oh shit. I bet Kelly like talk shit before she does it. I say yeah I don't touch he's us and he doesn't touch mine and we it's all nobody touches your ass because nobody wants to fucking taste pennies

Yeah, cuz it's reconstructed like Yeah, it's just fucking literally like blood We talked about butt stuff, but I'm gonna do butt stuff with guys, I'm gonna see what we're doing. What are you doing jazz fingers when you do that? Cause I'm putting emphasis in my story. I only went on in like a serious relationship.

You never lick the guys' assholes. Never in all my born days. I don't wanna, I don't wanna lick an asshole. Guy's not disgusting. Jason born days. What's up? Boo. Boo.

Boo. Boo. Okay, get the band minute of a boo yeah It's a butter bomb a boo is not a bomb I'm always up there rapin around you fucking mouth next to me want to tell a joke like that Who have you ever had your fucking asshole look Kyle? Yeah, Jesus all right settle down fucking no mo Yeah, I have I like it. I say by. Fuckin' homo. Yes, I have. I like it.

I said I had dude. What do you want a brownie? Yeah, can I have one of these? Yeah, go ahead. Just don't eat it on the microphone. Don't listen to me. He's got seven or anything. Eat that brownie while I'm talking about my asshole.

That was that competition we're talking about. It went to Ploof for a second. He's like, I'm gonna make a scene over here. Brownie. Maybe I... What? I like... Chose like Don King.

He's trying to press him against each other. Only in America. Only in America can a man have 700,000 followers and a man works seven years in comedy and not have Jack. Only in America can these two meet in the ring. 700,000 buying fans. Seven years fixing bathrooms. We're going to meet in the middle of the square circle. And whoever loses has to fix Bobby's bathroom

in his new house. And eat his butt. We're calling it the battle of the butt. I prove what he got. I was getting a massage. When you Asian? Yes. I like that.

Wait a minute, you getting a massage? Yeah, by a rag, an Asian lady? No, no, no, no. A jerk off joint? No, by a, that lady a jerk off joint no i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i Did you know this girl? She just gave you a massage and then nature. We would give each other a massage as naked in a hotel room. Okay, so this was just a chick you were banging. I didn't know Kyle was so sensual. And I bring baby oil every time, so we rolled up and baby. Let me guess there's a little bit of a Keith sweat plan.

To maybe put down some silk sheets? Who uses baby oil? This sensual motherfucker. Have you ever tried it? Rub yourself, have someone rubbed you down with it. I tried it and fucking 1985 Who's that Boston sensuality? You have a fucking go get off don't go back and do it fucking baby. I was better than fucking Vaseline You're fucking home all fucking wicked slippery never let baby oil getting the girls with Gina because it'll turn her

Vag Houston the little balls and like really straight dick up vat's using the little balls and like really strike the dick up hey like the karkis kukki listen to me wait a second your fucking chick has sand molecules and a fucking box

i said don't fucking chick don't use baby oil as lube what are you a scientist? what happens to the fucking pussy? the pussy juice turns up in the little balls and like scrapes your dick how does it scrape your dick?

And why does it turn into a ball? I don't know. Kelly, will you please Google that sentence? Science. What did you say? So you, you, you, she ate your ass hall. So yeah, I'm getting my back rubbed and all that. Slow down, tell the story.

Slow down, tell the story. Go ahead. Everybody relax. Pretty much. Everybody have a brownie. Go ahead. It's not really a very very long story It's just I was getting my we were we'll rub in each other with baby oil and uh

She started massaging my ass With baby oil. I think row has something to say is it already for are you standing in a microphone because you talk? Did you eat an ass and the rye verse are talking to myself on the outside of my jeans to this and rubbing my upper legs and Working her way down and then she started sucking my balls from behind It's called it's called milking what milking when they grab you dick and balls from behind they put like they start to jerk There was no dick. It was just you just suck in my ball Okay, well that's called fuck yay It's called shit innovative and then next thing I know there was a tongue up my button. I did not stop it and let it go How far did it go in? I don't know. Did she make, like, go in,

or she just look around your ass hole? A little bit, I don't know. Really? Yeah, she looks like a cape out. Yeah, now did you, I wanna know this. This, if you're either, this says a lot. And I'm not gonna tell you about what, but this says a lot when she stuck her tongue in your ass hole.

Did she open up your ass, she had to open up your ass asshole a little bit, right? Or did you open up your legs for her? Because you can't get to the asshole unless somebody spread your asshole. My legs were already open. So your legs were open, right? Which means he didn't win. So your legs were spread?

Yes. On your belly? On my belly. Okay, now, listen, this says a lot. And it might be good, it might be bad. I don't know who I'm not gonna say it Did you When she licked your asshole. Did you raise your did you raise your shit up a little bit? Yes, I did You do you picked it up right? Did you hear that Danny boy? He picked up his pelvis, you know, that's a real

That's a real man right there, baby You pick up that you picked up your pussy and fucking spread it for. Did you say that's what you want to call it? I did not say you'd that pussy, but I did try to fuck her and then it turned into little balls and really scratch it. Let's not ruin a good story. You're getting your ass in, you're fucking dumb ball story. I can't find any information about baby oil.

Bro, go get baby oil and rub it on Kelly's vagina. I want to see if this works. Someone's going to worked up first. I don't know, maybe a girl had something already in there. Like an old. Sandy pussy. Yeah, something you got a bad pussy. Some other guy's calm that gone crusty.

Oh, Jesus Kelly. He's got a bad pussy. You got a bad bad. Bad. I'm not being a bad person. Bro, that's. I think that's normal. Yeah, I think that's actually a test for bad pussy if you put In the sand I like that she convinced them though after sex Someone who listens to this

Listen, this isn't the proof is in the pudding I thousands of people listens to this someone who listens to this isn't the proof is in the pudding thousands of people listen to this Like like little starship trooper villains. I didn't see that movie Wasn't their little silver guys I'm picture in the little silver balls that Just keeps going with it huh? Yeah he's shit I like it troopers I like that Kyle arched it what's up man not much how's it how about you oh oh never had my asshole licked never well you got a one in 700,000 chance. I happen to. Yeah, you could get your asshole, the fucking by six. I'm not a vinyl there of your assholes. I don't know. Rise up.

You got 700,000 people following you now. It's too risky for you to be too honest now. I'd be scared if I were you because you get too many people. Young girls, especially going, what? Yeah, I know. I think about that. He's a nice guy. You would do the thing.

Here's the thing with you, okay? It's much to lose, guy. You would do that. Here's the thing with you, okay? I'm just gonna lose buddy. Yeah guide me. Here's the thing with you right now you have what you If you don't find a way to capitalize on this fame and if you all you mother fuckers you guys again this shit's gonna be over quick and this is social Networking social media. All right thought we lost to there for a second He's also something I was fucking pausing For a fact I want you to grab an air so everybody is just running out of steam today

I get up with the social social That's because the topic is having your butthole eaten and Bobby can't get off of that I'm going to Sentence to get back in there. I'm going through the glory What I'm saying is that you guys have all these millions of people, but here's the thing when divine come out six months ago Yeah, okay, so six a month six months ago Baby I'm a little far away But now you have the seven hundred thousand

Oh Six months ago Don't check your phone dad I Is dumb How you play? Corporate shit Crazy now if you don't wake up i'm fine with Listen to me man going nuts

I give you some more brownie Listen i'm saying that if you guys don't find a way six months ago you didn't exist Yeah, you didn't fucking exist nobody knew any of you fucking awkward. We stick on podcasts It's Joe taking the shot First of all Joe you didn't get a fucking. I thought it was funny Well, I just odd because I knew that that was meant for me. Oh Wow, you really not a fucking just take it out of yourself It wasn't but I do think you stink

There's like one of those episodes of a sitcom where it ends on a sad note. You're like anything see where that was coming No Can't really use hot bandana. There's a cow blue has a fucking great way not to get the bandana just sit there No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I Know I just caught myself from getting the band-in But I'm dying to tell you what I wanted

Kyle blue and his fucking Walmart mannequin outfit But I Just started laughing because it was so terrible. It was funny. It's all flatten your head But I have to get it. All right, listen. I'm going to terrible one in my brain. No, no, please do it again. Please do it again. I was like, he's like talking about assos too much. He put one on his t-shirt, bulls-eye, boom.

Oh. It looks like an asshole. But I didn't say it. Kelly, I want you off the show. She didn't know it seriously. Leave your iPad and leave. In the opposite direction Kelly can be defined and Leave your key on the fucking table. Oh the Bobby's like I had a bad one

It's really that Kelly's like oh, I'll just fucking blow that one out of water What asshole? Yeah is red white and blue with a star in the middle? It looks like an asshole. It looks nothing like an asshole. Nothing. I'm gonna see if I've seen an asshole Everyone take out their assholes. Okay. So, take them out. Joe, you go first. So, my point is, Rhydoon is that nobody knew who you were six months ago, and when this Vine thing plays itself out like Twitter has and everything kind of does, I know it's

so big, but it's like, what are you guys going to do with this opportunity? I mean, you guys have these people is something happening is a company or anybody putting you guys together so you can make money off of this and capitalize off of seven hundred fifty fucking thousand people that will watch what you do yeah uh... uh... excuse me will uh... there there is uh... there's a new one isn't it's called uh... if there's a

a i'm trying to you bobby okay called if there's a tell me now. I'm trying to you, Bobby. Okay, good. There's an agency. Pinnet out. It's a Vine Agency. Yes. Getting brands who are interested in marketing on Vine.

They're scooping up popular vineyards. You sign to them and they... You sign? I sign. Wow. Did you have a lawyer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of wine story.

Did you have an agent? I don't have an agent. Fuck me. Do you have a lawyer? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a lot of fun story. Do you have an agent? I don't have an agent. Fuck me, do you have a manager? No. Do you have anybody to look out for your better interest? Nope, just me. What's wrong with you? It's scary. What did you sign, dude?

What the fuck are you, are you fucking nuts? You don't sign shit. Everything comes through of me. You fucking fuck suck. I'd get you on the fucking show. Show me, no, no, no. the fuck kind of people what I did. No, look out, look out. Fucking Paul Verzy.

Fucking what the fuck you guys got you got comey bears. I'm out. I'm out. Fuck it. Charlie, you made me pop your eye into your socket. All right, so you sign something. Yeah, but it was reviewed several times by several lawyers. By my aunt and fucking Quincy Matthew Tuesday.

I don't fucking see a problem with this. Get me more poimals. You got a good deal. I think if you go to Dunkin' Donuts, pick me up another regular and I'll read it again, but I think you find me a fucking ride-joon. Try june kid. This is fucking 2% of whatever fucking I make, a darkened zone-arts kid. So sounds like my own. So go ahead. Yeah, signed a contract, was reviewed

several times by lawyers and shit. Okay, by them. No, yeah, just sign it, hello, I'm the lawyer for this guy. Sign this. Comes out of a door that says lawyer. Hello, I'm the lawyer for this guy Comes out of a door that says lawyer Yep, you're get all the things you're supposed to I've been lawyer for many years now I went to lawyer school. He's not even a Jew with a big nose Whoa there goes the sponsor Where was I a contract looks good. It's it's a pretty much risk-free That doesn't exist That's something a lawyer made up

This this is what we call a risk-free contract just on here here here Now that we're done making fun of Ryan's family and his choices, let's get back to his thoughts. So what do you get? What do you do, what do you do, son? What do you get? I've been all mean to a guy. The awkward joke.

No, we're joking. That's what the show does. You go in and you go out. We go back to the story now. And then we think it's up and funny. And then we make laughs. That's kind of what we do. That's all we do.

He's one of us, Joel. He's ruined his life and we're just making fun of him for it. He's better. He's bettered his life. We're getting to the good part, right? I think so. I don't. It's not, I mean, I've just talked about this so many times

before, it's just really boring to me. But, all right, fine, we can talk about me. My success on Vine, 700,000 followers. Getting money. How many do you have on Vine? I don't even have Vine. Wow, I don't even got a phone. Dude, I got a fucking, he's a fuck here.

I took the bus here. Dude, I got a flip phone. I got fucking POKE as wild on my phone, kid. And brick, brick, a fucking 2000, kid. Don't get me wrong, I'm broke. I got one deal where I'm probably not gonna get anything else, because the stuff I'm fine, I swear, I do weird shit. Like brands don't want that.

They're mostly picking up stop motion people, like Megan's technology, stop motion, just because that's totally safe. Here's a deal, this is what's fucking killing me about this industry right now, and the young people out there, the young motherfuckers out there, can't see it, is that they're making people famous, 750,000 people. You're famous, okay?

And currently. Currently, yeah, that's what I'm saying. And you're fucking poor. Okay? They're in their fucking, they're somehow going to make money off of this. Somebody's going to fucking grab them in. They're taking these people, they're making them exposing them. They're getting famous. You didn't, you exposed yourself, but through, no, but through these other people, you know what I mean? And they're giving them this fame. And then as soon as it's dead, as soon as it's done,

as soon as they dried up, or older, it's fuck you, goodbye. Yeah, you're right, you said it earlier, but it's like the boy band, it's like Lou Perlman. You just snapped up a bunch of, here, I have a point. But there's gotta be, you know, like comics, okay? Here's a deal. You, to get good, it takes years.

I don't care how fucking good you are. One, one in a million, do we get somebody who had a young age who comes out of the gate just fucking knocking doors down? Most of us, it takes a long time to become good. You have to earn your fucking bones. You have to go on the road. You have to take hot ones. You have to follow people that are better than you

and learn how to be good after anybody. You have to learn how to write a joke. Get your voice. You have to go up and down. All the fuck over the place. To one day wind up, well, you're a fucking respected, good, stand up comedian, and nobody can take that away from you. You'll be able to work for the rest of your fucking life

doing standup, okay? But when I was coming up, that was your goal. That was your goal, coming out of Boston to become better and better, to get on a show, to become a regular on a show, to get a, become a host, then to become a middle-air and then to try to headline on other places and then try to headline on a regular on a show to get a become a host then to become a middle-air and then to try to headline on all the places and then try to headline on a regular show and then move to New York and hang out and become better and better and better and better. Now it's fuck you, you're famous tomorrow.

Nobody knew you yesterday. Now you're fucking famous. First number one, you don't know how to handle fame. You don't walk differently because you got more people know who you are. You gotta be you, who are you? I don't fucking know, exactly. Well, it was like the, remember the homeless guy with the golden voice and Akron? Where he was like, oh, he's coming up with a,

he's got like a horrific drug problem, got on YouTube, got insanely famous three days later, back to drugs three weeks after that Yeah, yeah, well of course he's not around. He's not fucking announcing the tonight show, right? He's fucking back under a bridge going oh Like he's fucking cuz I didn't know how to handle it because it came all well That's but that's our life our life is down to six seconds of entertain me, do something fun, and we're like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, I wanna watch 90 clips of six seconds of crazy shit.

Instead of fucking reading a book or watching a documentary or hanging out with somebody. Look on the phone, the subway, look on the train, look at anywhere, everybody's looking down on their goddamn phones, nobody's talking, nobody's doing anything socially anymore. It's social media, it's social networking. It's not actually sitting around a fucking table

and making each other laugh. It's me trying to make a bunch of anonymous motherfuckers giggle wherever the fuck they are, so they'll like me. So maybe somebody will fucking think, holy shit, we gotta get this guy and give him fuck that. We're doing that right now. Yeah, but this, this, this is not, this is for people who like me, people who like people I like like you.

The fans of this show, it takes work to get this. You have to download it and you have to listen to it for two, two and a half hours. Sometimes three. Sometimes three. And sometimes they're fucking great. And sometimes they're okay to be able to, the people that listen to this are fans of this.

Okay, well, it's not a six second podcast. Hey, how you doing? I don't, I don't, I fucking dick fart, fuck, fuck, Montreal, suck it. It's 10 seconds. Dude. That's two, that'd be two episodes. Dad.

I love that. I'm saying is that the problem is that these kids have this fame and it's like, fuck, I feel bad because you're gonna get all this great shit and if it goes away, which it's probably gonna, that's this business. I don't care if you're on a hit show. Willing Grace. Love it. Yeah.

There are a lot of work except for one of them except for will Do you understand what I'm saying though some they're trying to get a job again. Yeah, nobody fucking gives a fuck about it Saddest shit I ever saw in my life was sad remember the old Nickelodeon show. Hey dude. Yeah, dude There's no that's not. I almost threw my fucking empty ice coffee at our head. So sorry, Kelly, I don't know what that is. One of the saddest things I've ever seen in my life, there used to be a bar used to drink out in Tucson,

called the Golden Nugget. I'm drinking there, my buddy goes, my buddy I'm drinking, I was like, hey, remember, hey dude, I'm like, hey, he's like, that's Danny the Indian. And he points to this guy that's in fucking, like, painter overalls, big gin blossom on his nose Fucking drunk and then we started talking to him He's like I had like a million dollars by the time I was 18 and he just will paint it

He just paints houses and gets fucked up there. Look at man. Look at I don't I don't I don't hate anybody for that happening Somebody who can actually look you get up there and then you go and your painting houses Pain houses is fine. Yeah Being famous one day or whatever, I just think that the industry is so fast right now. Back in the day, they would give out deals, 500,000 all deals up in Montreal to nobody's. And they're all fucked.

Who the fuck, the chicken, dead, killed themselves. Zucostello, she fucking had her own show. Yeah. Now what, she's fucking out there hustling again. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's, it's, I think these kids, like you, you're getting all this fame.

What happens if it goes away? What happens if the next thing is the next thing and this is the Myspace? Right. And it's got, I had 30,000 fucking people on Myspace. I don't know where they are. He's still on my space. Yeah, this damn though, I haven't been there in four years.

Where'd she go, because there's some shit happening on your face, and I've been meaning to tell you. It's funny, right? It's fucked up, that. It's like, so how, it's like, okay, so make this money, get this fame, but how is it gonna benefit you? What are you doing for you?

What are all you assholes doing to, money get this fame but like what how is it gonna benefit you what are you doing for you what do what are all you assholes doing to to get because look at what's his name the singer the rapper Nicholas he's a very talented guy he's making he's trying to make it in the music industry which is fucking almost impossible just like everything else is almost impossible does he own does he own the masters of this guy the other the other guy too the Spanish guy. He's an answer. No the Spanish guy Spanish guy Rudy. Oh Rudy Rudy is a talented singer a musician. Yeah, I'm not sure what his What his goals are I'm trying to do stand up a lot of a lot of people out of honors are trying to go into acting yeah, but like

That's I don't know so what's up with this dog guy and the girl oh Curtis what is that this the poor it's like this vine relationship that's been happening Wait what yeah, it's two two viner's met through vine and The boo how's this how many thousands of people showed up this weekend in New York City and they paid to fly them in put them I'm gonna him and his dog in a hotel and he was Pied pipering a fucking was it 4,000 people how many people I'm not sure Thousands of people in the park him in this girl and they would just kiss in the place would go fucking nuts This is fine

This is crazy shit. These people didn't exist You know what I like it's almost like the way Grandparents used to explain TV shows that they didn't know they're like the one where they all hang out the friends The coffee shop that's the way Bobby's describing all the vines Here's the one with the Jewish boy who's the comedian sign felt Jewish boy who's the comedian sign fell Yeah, what's his face but what's the age range of people that are into the vine though are they young like? Yeah, it's young girls Same shit as guy code same shit as girl code

They don't like on Are you done? Well, it's that no, I'm still on it. I'm doing season four, but like we were talking about like Pete and Chris and all them They're like huge and me they're like it's got a nice deep voice That That's all I get. It's like I like his voice. Yeah, Chris is a very good looking Unbelievable. You're trying to do. Yeah, so sorry. It's alright But yeah, I mean look that shit Bobbid guys girls grow up, you know, yeah, but here's the look exact I hope They grow up and they're through with vine. I'm hoping my standup will be there waiting for them And they'll still appreciate me either that or if he goes dark and nobody like remembers him or whatever

That's a perfect time to just start working on your shit Not have to worry about people showing up and being disappointed. I was like yeah, I'm not announcing shows at this point Because well, I'm not good enough look man. I mean you I mean, you know, look, it's just fucking crazy how fast It's become for these people to become famous Famous and I just get scared to how fast it can go away and how that can really fuck somebody up I mean that can really fuck you up if you're if you're not hardened in this business If you haven't taken your kicks to the nuts, it hurts. Stand up, we always have, I wanna become better.

I believe, I believe real stand-ups always like I wanna just become better. I just need to get better. I'll still watch somebody be like, holy shit, I suck. I'll have the best set of my life, where I think I hit a new fucking holy shit I'm I'm my voice and then I'll go watch somebody like a burr and I'm like fucking kill me. Yeah. Oh, what you know

I mean it's always humbling to watch you see fucking Quinn go up and do 20 new minutes of just what the fuck are you? I watched patrice's HBO half-hour last night in the Mexican lady trying to make his bed I was like I'll never think of something that genius. She's like I need to make your bed She's getting in under the chain. I was fucking dying like this kissing the cross. I need to make your bed That's like that's so fucking funny, but it's like comics. We have that so take that away from us We'll still fucking drive 45 minutes to the Bill Rican 99 just to do five minutes of horseshit comedy on a Wednesday night.

We'll have that. You can't take that away from us. But some of these other people, it might be taken away. I mean, if you don't, it's scary. But it's like, sometimes you see that we're like, these rides like I'm starting at comedy, I don't want to announce that,

but then you see like, like with Dustin Diamond, he does stand up now, because his acting career failed, screech from save by the bell. And he goes on the road and it's like, yeah, he just does stand up where he talks about how Zack and Slater are gay. And you're like, that's just what you're gonna do. Does he sell?

I don't know. Well, here's a deal, Is that shit sells a couple times and then people don't shut? Yeah, people get wise to it. It sells a couple times and does, but that happens with anybody though. That's gonna happen with Dan. It happens with,

hey, I'm waiting. I'm kidding. Do you think this bad neighborhood? Let's be doing that over and over. Tom Green's doing pretty well. Oh, Tom Green. Yeah. Well, Tom Green's doing pretty well. Oh, Tom Green. Yeah. Yeah, well Tom Green was famous,

but I think he really worked on a stand-up too. I remember two years ago seeing him in Montreal trying to tell jokes, work on stand-up. So look, there's a couple guys out there that really, you know, Neil Brennan was a writer. Now he's a stand-up. He worked his ass off trying to write fucking jokes. You know, that's, but even that,

you went from being the writer on the biggest show in the world to fucking play in some fucking club in the middle of Noah, just like the rest of us assholes. Yeah. I just think it's, it's kind of crazy that, it's scary for these kids where it's like, you get all this fame so fast and they'll take it away. It will be taken away.

And hopefully it doesn't. Hopefully you guys can parlay it into something else. Hopefully you can keep those 750,000 people and then put it into something else. You know, if you're smart, you know, don't just fucking vine it, go do something else with it. What do I do? I'm thinking like, fuck, I wish I'd started comedy 10 years ago,

then I'd have like a decent set, then I could be like, hey, I'll be at Nick's comedy stop on Friday. Right, but unfortunately. Are you living Boston still right? Yeah, yep. So why don't you hook up with him and help him out? Take me under your wing. I'm moving here, so time for first.

Where is? Oh, what? For out? Tipping under your wing. Tipping over in here, so time for first. Where is he? Oh, what? For what? For this baby. Oh. For what? So redo your bathroom, then go back to Boston. But anyway.

Yeah. 10 years in, you should have better than a decent set. Oh, right. Yeah. Very low standards. I've been doing comedy 10 years, so I was decent. A couple of chuckles, self-machines Why even in New York?

Why? Yeah Why did you move in your dream? The crap the fuck is this? I don't know, to have a career hopefully What? It's a pretty saturated market Do you not have to do tile work in a kitchen?

Without smash them? No Really? You don't know how to do it? Tile work is that's detailed shit, I don't like detailed stuff I'm asking you, do you know how to do it if you had to do it? ¿Volotea? La región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.

that will surprise you from 19 euros. Voletea. Parifa sujettes a disponibilidad, consult the conditions in voletea.com. Ehh, no. You know the ground? No, he likes the grousels. Oh, Bobby the Foreman. Really fucking hiring his own crew now. Fucking cock-secret says he read does bad to me.

Can't do tile, that's a bathroom. I know that, Dave. Can you put walls back on fucking screen? I can fucking do that. Can you frame it though, I think? Can you put up some fucking green wall? You hear Colin's story, he was living downtown and the super in his building was like,

hey, Colin, do you think he can fix a sink? Colin's like, I don't know, I don't know, and he's like, if you really, if you had to fix a sink, could you fix a sink? Colin's like, I guess, maybe. And he goes, the reason I'm asking, I got another building, we need a super. I think you'd be good.

And Kong goes, yeah, Frank, I'm on Saturday night live. And he goes, yeah, I know. Yeah. Yeah. All right. It's true. That's the one thing, the one thing you can count on in this business, you will be fired.

In this fucking show business. You'll be fired You know someday you you have a gig. It's gonna end. That's it. Yeah, so I mean, that's just it You know, let me look at Rescue me was on for how many seat nine seasons yeah, nine fucking see they ended it themselves Yeah, but it's over as my point it doesn't go on forever unless you're mashed or lawn-order. Or the Simpsons. Yeah, I mean, well, that's a cartoon. I saw Hank as a serious voice.

Oh, did you? I was excited. He's one of my heroes. Does he have a suit that was too much? I'm fucking a hero. Hank is a hero? Why is he a hero? He's a look up to the guy.

What voice is Bob? He's stuck to the guy. I've loved him since I was five years old when he was on the Simpsons. He does most of the voices on the Simpsons. He's unbelievable. I don't think's like a hero. I look up to the guy. Yes. All right. Look up to him But I'm a mirror my mirror Well, you know what you should have better word chase Along came poly blue my mind

Long came It was wearing a suit that was too big for my that was strange. It's like a multi-millionaire Yeah, shoulder pads Hey, who's your hero? You are you are but I don't do voices right dude my clip play them Hey cow wake up listen cow go Yep, all right Listen Go Alright good What do you do on your podcast? I just stare at people

It's a tough moment for Kelly for stuka question to his move Yeah, seriously I'm Real depressed right now Kelly Kelly is doing a tough amount of moving You're gonna move here? But why? It's a bit saturated I think you've got a corner of your ass. Well, you're doing well in Boston.

You know, you come into New York and it's like, that doesn't mean shit. There's thousands of stand-ups in New York. It's crazy. How do you know he's doing well in Boston? I know, I'm trying to help the guy. No, you're not. You're literally threatened by him moving here,

so you had to do something. You're not going to stop going to the creek, right, so you had to do something No, you're not gonna stop going to the creek right? Because I'm gonna be there You can't Google stuff that Bobby wants you to Google, can you? You're not gonna do the 530 show at Spill at the York Hall You're not gonna do another thing that isn't stand-up, you're gonna take away underbelly for me now? You're not gonna wait tables anywhere in New York City, are you? That one felt real.

Yeah, that was fucking mean. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Watch it Do on in all over it back front side Adams Apple Adams Apple Kelly just tried to hide her neck I'm just I was just asking like what's your plan you look very good. Thank you, babe. Will you stop it? Joe you have a girlfriend right? That's what the next you can't look good. Yeah, but you're doing it in a creepy way. I love it. Are you really? No, not really, but I think she's adorable. I love drys bead. Oh, thanks buddy.

Ro, where did you get that fucking... Five shirts. Five. I'm just asking. What store? What store? I like it. I like it. It's a nice shirt.

Right? My mother has it in tablecl a nice shirt. Right? My mother has it in tablecloth. What that was funny? Yeah, my mother has just a new bedroom. Well, anyways. Kyle, I know why you're coming to New York. And you've been here before and you're coming back. You're going to take another go at it.

You went back, you worked on your act. Exactly. Hopefully. Yeah. Let me finish. Hopefully. And, uh, uh, yeah, who you moving in with? Uh, I got a couple of buddies. They might have a roommate moving out, uh, Josh Gondelman and Jason. I love Josh. She's one of my besties. I love him. Oh, it's good. I'm like, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what fucking living. Yeah, I wouldn't know if he'd come. I can know anybody. Yeah, you know, Josh Kondoman. I'm just going to be. What happened to you on mustache?

Because you're going to look a beard, but you don't have any hair there. This is a full beard for me. Is that it? It doesn't grow up at all. It happens to grow in the same way the same thing that you're talking about. It does like in patches on my cheek.

Do you have a girlfriend, too? Yeah. And she coming with you? She will be after the school year. She's a teacher. Oh. Oh, boy. She will be after the school year. She's a teacher. Oh. Oh, that's going to let you out. It's done.

My eyes will be in the military, and I rack. It's done. How do you fucking sit? What the fuck? She's talking to fucking their garden kids, like what are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? Why would you sit that?

Because you're like, oh, she's a teacher. Yeah, that means. Oh, I'm going to be fucking a bunch of people. I don't want you to get on a rant here, but Hey, hey, hey, hey, nobody's fucking kids Everybody's actually tons of people fucking yeah, it's a whole thing It's a part of my house. What I'm saying is is that industry Predicated a year is a long time to be away from somebody. I don't mean to get off

For 10 10 months. Yeah 10 months is too long, dude. It's not going to work out. I'm so fucked up. Why are you being in that? Why am I being in that? Tell them, maybe I'm a guppermen. I'm on your side, buddy. I'm on your side. How do you mean together?

You're on the other side of the world. You're on the opposite side. How long have you been together? Two and a half years. How old are you? 26. You're done. 27.

How old are you? You're 26 and you're a new comic in New York. You're done 27 next week over baby Let this Dan shut your fucking mind Kyle Her all this fresh open mic plus for you. You're done buddy Kelly's pushes an open Mike just her. Oh, open Mike. Kelly has headlined a pussy.

Actually my my pussy is down 45 minutes in four shorts. My pussy isn't the improvs. So my pussy makes the improvs. So I can do that because that happens. She is pure people. Kelly, not seeing this. Keep your friend laid out before us. Fucking Kaiser Soze over here. Just acts like she's got a limp

and then she's just shitting all over Kyle for moving her. Something that she did halfway across the fucking world. He's a fine nine five. Yeah, this guy can walk home if he had to Relationship he will Just mean I don't even know what that meant but whoa Everybody say whoa and look at Kyle Joe get off your fucking Boy, I just got I'm What is it? I got big news what is it? Sarah's pregnant. What is it? Oh? Sarah died

You gotta bring up with that girl Ryan when are you gonna move? I'm I don't know but I got I got to move to New York like are you moving to New York? I'd like to yeah I keep on coming back here like on weekends and it's you an exhausting you have to come back here because of the vine stuff is the vine offices here Yeah, it's here and and and these people are nice people is like at who runs vine Twitter right Probably the Runs that vine thing Say what do you get any money or fine for doing because you sign stuff?

Did you not listen to anything we were talking about? Yeah, I don't want to be insane, but you didn't say if you got paid is doing a corporate data for doing because you saw it stuff. Did you not listen to anything we were talking about, Kelly? I was 20 minutes in the podcast. I was talking about it. He didn't say, but he didn't say if you got paid. He was doing a corporate day. That's a good question. He stayed away from the numbers. Sorry, Dan, how much did he get paid? Probably for what?

The way he reacted is corporate Dan knowing this. Probably good. I'm thinking high 30s, 33,000, 33,000. Oh, higher than that. You got more, you got that money? For what? Wow. I don't know which one. I didn't know that my window was room in Queens. higher than that you got you got more you got my money for what Wow I don't know which one my window is for them in Queens. Yeah, that doesn't mean you're a fuck I know you're a nickel chaser

lazy. Yeah, you're a fucking nickel chaser. I can't wait. You're gonna fucking have just a trunk of money Excrues right back. Yeah, never in floorboards. Listen, so uh huh. I got paid you got paid a lot for what got paid something thousands Hundreds Hundreds of thousands no no no you paid six figures of four four So you yeah, what for an appearance in a pile all for like six months of vine activity Did they pay did they did they pay you to come here? No, no you have to pay yourself. It's four figures, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talking about it. Yeah. Yeah. Take a bus, and sleepin' on couches. Yeah. Fucking really tired right now. He's like your blue spring steam of mine.

I can tell you tired. You usually have a little more energy, but you seem a little tired. When I take a six second nap. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing.

That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing.

That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. tweakedaudio.com get yourself a nice pair of headphones. They have all kinds of colors and styles

to chew from. Mike did not. Mike tweaked audio is an official sponsor of the YKWD podcast and Ryakast.com. So go there right now. Pick out a pair of headphones. Pick out two, three, maybe four, five, six. Pick out a few and on your way out, notice how cheap they are inexpensive, not cheaply made, inexpensive. And also type in the code word, dude, at checkout and you get 33% off. That's 30, fucking, 3, fucking percent off. That's a lot of percent off. Okay, that's three and three. Okay, and also free shipping right now in a limited time, warranty on your headphones. Make sure you go there, tweedaudio.com, code word, dude. Go to our website. I want you to go to ryecast.com slash Robert Kelly. I want you to stop going to my page. Kelly, from now on you're tweeting out Robert Kelly page on riot cast. You understand that?

Don't just tweet the video from YouTube. Okay, and don't make that dumb face at me either. Itch and nose. What are you doing? What is that? And itch and I my nose itches because you're a little rat-facemate. I want people going to riotcast.com slash Robert Kelly. I want people going to riotcast.com slash Robert Kelly to watch the videos. Okay, so go there right now. We have the Amazon link. We have the Gamefly link. If you're going to buy anything off a Gamefly, use that link off of my page on riotcast, the YKWD page.

It helps out the show. And also a Gamefly.com, the Netflix of gaming, you play video games, make sure you go to Gamefly.com slash YKWD. Join up, that's two weeks free, motherfucker. As so that's it. And I'm gonna be, I don't know why, Denver comedy works. This weekend.

Yeah, but this show comes out next Monday, April. Why don't you in a release. It's Tuesday. Oh, yeah, when do you think I'm gonna release this one? I don't know. Maybe one day Thursday. Hey, mate. You mad at me. I'm not. I love you, Kelly. You're lucky I haven't seen your face in three weeks. Stop doing, are you mad at me? That's my thing. That's Joe's leg by the way. It's Joeless, not a tiger.

You're mad at me. I's my thing. That's Joe's leg by the way. That's Joe's cash hider. You're an asshole. How many follows do you have on vine? On vine? Not many. You have a fine thing. I like Joe's vines with his girlfriend. If you haven't done one in a while. No, we haven't done one in a while. It's hard to stay on. You get bored and you know, you know, did, did, uh, switch over to Instagram, which is happening. Uh, chip, chip. Oh, it's. No one's happening. Chippa, chip. Oh, it's Norton's character.

I just got on Instagram. I feel like I'm killing it, not comedically. I got spectacular pictures. Yeah, join the fucking club. My grandmother took a great shot of a sunset out of her nursing home window. The fucking week wrist. Is she okay?

No, she's all right, but her wrist is weak. Okay. See, anybody can take a good photo. I think you're being pressed. All right. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna look at what it's the name of it Joe It's Joe list comedy Joe Well, of course, well you know my Twitter told you a million times I know but I didn't know maybe Instagram you spiced it up a little bit. I think it's all I think it's all the Joe the hot list Now I think it's all I think it's all the show the hot list no No, nobody That's right. That's right. Should have me boxed. He is great. Joey's got some great Instagram and stuff.

Let's cover in the evil. Yeah. This is when, like, remember in the ex-cissist when the devil would, like, go back to the little girl voice, or be like, your mother sucks cockin' hell and be like, help me, please. That's what Kelly does when she compliments you. Do you really think Kelly's evil? Pure. 100%.

Really? No. No, I'm serious. I think, listen. I think there's some delicious intent. Can we not be corporate Dan for a fucking sad? Let me drop it drop it dance odor off the record. Dan soda off the record. Can I be the name your first? Permission to off the record taking off his sunglasses

Permission to speak freely sir Dan yes permission granted. Thank you, sir Do you think Kelly if this, if this Cuck suck it doesn't get off his phone? I got a big hand here. I don't care. It's very important. What is it? I can't tell you what it's big and I'll tell you later. Is it money? It's big money. Do I know about it? No, it's been it's important.

It better be fucking important. If it's not important, do I get to kick you in your nuts that importance Jesus all right fucking Ralph mouth Row texted she's into me and we got a big thing tonight row is not into you No she's not not one dance soda's in the fucking room. No, that's her way of Deflecting We moved on. Oh, who'd you move on to she moved once get on the left get on the mic? Who'd you move on to I want to know it's me. I'll win you back. It's like couch I like Rose you like a microphone like Lemmy from Motorhead like I put the mic up

Razor She just a razor he's back up Yes Move on to different things Is it another comic yes, who is it? No, who is it? I know who it is I have a clam slam and what is it? No, cuz we hung out Saturday night. Because that's the best time. I know who it is. Who? Shut the fuck up.

Wait. Shut the fuck up. Row, who is it? Don't tell him. It's moved on. Who to who? In general, I moved on. I thought you said you were going to try to fucking go out

with her. And I thought you said you were going to try. I didn't think you were going to say it on the podcast. So I was waiting waiting I've been waiting for so long and I'm like okay, he's not into me So I'm moving on settle down you fucking psycho. Thank god. He's not in there You want to fucking stab him in his sleep? Here come. Oh, this would be a bunch of pictures of me with my eyes cut out on her wall Why don't you call me back? I was waiting around us making brownies and everything I got a boil my rabbit

I What happened? What do you mean so you're not into them? So I don't get there's no like There's no back and we're kind of back and forth. There's no nothing no texting no asking out so I moved on What do you want me to do? I'm not gonna wait did you move on I did you move on down the road or did you move on to another? Store Like oh like oh

You're lying What about Kyle Ploof do you think he's hot yeah? What about ride-dune do you think ride-d? Yeah. Wow, wow. I like that. That was great. What about Rhyde Dune? Do you think Rhyde Dune's a cutie? Rhyde and I hung out. What? What?

Now I feel bad. Rhyde and I'm just trying to be funny. I'm not trying to cock-lock. Rhyde, no, we hung out. Because I want to see Kelly purport the way. Saturday, right? On the record, she's great. I thought I'd be a poor woman.

She's hard to get. Wow. Did she get you thought, you're right. Oh, you just ruined your show I was like I'd rise join the podcast. She was great For all our American accent was wonder I'm gonna throw something How about this Dan not throw something at her throw her out the window good boy Throw her out the window goodbye

Go to some coffee shops In America That's cuz he fucking like his ass eat like a fucking woman He really does picks his his like a prisoner. I have a good night with Kyle Christ No, I love Joe's beer. I love Cuz you're is ready. It's all I need to go back to these assholes. She's so da. What did you like? You're four. You're four. She's a Kareem. He moved on. He's the burger. He's the one who lives. He's been on a date. So the good beard and you're fucking let me tell you something right now. So do it.

Late in San Zoga, look at me and you tonight. We're going out. She go. Yeah. And she leave all you fucking tweets in the dust. But it's not gonna happen so I would stop screaming at me. I am married with a child you weird I do want I heard you're a good babysitter very good unlike Kelly who shake my Kind of James Tuesday. I said shut up. I didn't understand one thing stuff right? I'm truly my fucking You mean Thursday I can do Thursday. What do you mean Thursday? I'll do Thursday I'm sure to eat my fucking Call me, yeah. Show up. You fucking lanky cock sucka. Level, Jerry. So, Ro.

First of all, you're saying Kelly, I've heard, and this is not the first person. I've heard Kelly's been fucking doing really well. Yeah. You know what, you know what, you know what, I wrote, you know what, I wrote, you know what, I wrote, you know what,

I wrote, you know what, I wrote, you know what, I wrote, you know what, you know what, I wrote, you know what, you know what, I wrote, you no row set it and Kelly set it to me I went all the way out to Long Island City to see her One stop on the 7th floor all the way out. No, I have to take the L and then I have to take yeah I was a long time. No one's putting in the call I got one time. I got one stop. I take three times to him mother It was a long journey. All right, so Kelly did good to, but Lewis said you did good at his club too. Oh yeah, that's nice. Yeah. I think Lewis helped you with a note that he gave you

that weekend he goes around the economics. What's that? Lewis gave her a new stop. Now, Lewis told her to stop. Steel jokes? Yeah. Stop trying to fill the silence with noise. And I think that's gonna make her

a lot more honest comedian. Yeah, well, I actually told her to stop going, yeah, yeah. Nothing makes you do it for us, Kelly. And I think that's gonna make her a lot more honest comedian. Yeah, why actually told her to stop going Nothing makes you do it for us Kelly Do it then she That was the fucking worst and here's the thing she knew if the laughed didn't come she Go I'll fill in the Right, you know you're sure you want to be a stand-up comedian. I'd rather hang out with vine people. They're nice sir People Sure you want to be a stand-up comedian. I'd rather hang out with vine people. They're nice, they're people.

You have five seconds, my dear. I saw Kelly on Saturday. And what did you think, right? I didn't laugh. Oh, no, kidding, I'm kidding. My can't be funny. Joe, by the way, Joe just had like the fucking grizzled detective that heard something, we were like,

oh, fuck, I know this is going. The Joe really I need a brownie. I need a brownie. Oh don't don't try to act like you need it because you're so Because a little after you just want to be brownie Is that and I need a brownie Joe give me a fucking brownie You been eating the whole fucking I'm so happy everyone's eating it. Hey, let me I'm gonna sweet to Joe what the fuck I'm gonna probably my gym or you fucked up over here

Where does what you do it cost them. Yeah, but ghost was media Not that it goes to his teeth Yeah, to feed them goes to his teeth. Yeah, to feed them. Hey, we can do. There you go. How's that going? Well, thanks, Ryan.

Thanks for the confidence. Ryan, what do you do? Yeah. Call the beef kick. Ryan, man, I'm on the roadside. Cos I'm going on. Where's it going? Ryan, dude.

What do you think? You know what? I wanted to see your stand up. So it was underbelly. I wasn't doing stand up. But what was she doing? What the fuck are you doing? Really?

I was just going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say? You know what I was hope I wanted to see your stand-up So it was underbelly so it was I wasn't doing stand-up, but what was she doing? What the fuck are you doing? Really let that fly when she said you were great. Yeah, well, Ro you're It's a show You have the whole tray Yeah, it's all gone. I don't have one keep going Kyle keep going Stay on the zing a don't forget the movie Fucking this sweet to jackass ate most of these I had true I Is it any sort of cut and a soda I'm a fucking addict. I'm losing my mind over here shaking like fucking Michael J

Fox I'm gonna get in tan by dad. I give the fucking I know you mold into one Is this getting in tan though? Right, yeah, it doesn't matter. What did you see her do? I saw her do like a little skit with sketch with PowerPoint about her dad and her shit a friend there talking about their dad. How fun it was it. It was funny. It was funny It was good. How many times you laugh I laugh several times six? Yes Fucking wires

Exactly six you're right Joe fucking wires I'm gonna loaf of brownie what do you want? It doesn't drink a dude drugs anymore. He's just fucking eating loves the shit jacked up Hey, there's what's up? I can't he shows up with fucking a pound of cookies and a loaf of brownies drinking Coca-Cola He's blinking at three times the normal rate Start chewing on his glasses in a second of all you Joseph mouth is a He's drinking Coca-Cola. He's blinking at three times in normal rate. Sonoton some sherbet. He's not chewing on his glasses in a second. Oh, holy yeah.

Joseph Malt is a kebab. Oh boy. So she was funny. You had a good time. And then what did you and Roe do? These are lots. Just some, I counted as anal, right? No, no.

No, these things are happening. Give him the bandana. Let's try. I was reaching for something. I think the Roe was having none of it. She just fucking wanted that shit. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'm trying to sit row out with some other comics there trying to get us in there. I saw that. I saw that. Bro, can I, you know, look, I treat you like a little sister talking to the microphone. So podcast your fucking ass.

But not to bring it down right there. Right there. Go ahead. Push it back in. Push it back in. Nice. Tight there right there. Good. Now push it back in push it back in nice tight tight Right there. Yeah, now pull it up to your mom pull it up to him. No use the stand and pull it up to him Oh, yeah, now bring it right up to your lips. All right now. I'm talking about the micro fall have some clash you creeps I wasn't trying to get some D it no, yeah, I know but I worry about you

Trying to get some dick. No, we are. I know, but I worry about you. I'm trying to get from dick. I worry about you. I'm trying to get me. Why do you worry about me? She's trying to get some company because I don't. I was raised well.

I know what I'm doing. I know, that's the problem. I don't want you to come. Listen, I don't want you to get yourself in trouble. What are you doing, Joe? He's looking at her asshole. No, no, you're looking at him. What?

I'm touching my back and telling you what. Oh, you're stretching you back while looking at Rose but. Oh, get back to the end. Anyways, back to the interview. It's a podcast. So he's got a rank one of us. What do you think I'm Barry cats stay and hey, everybody. I got a new podcast. It's fun. I interview people in the bills. They'll serve you. You're good. Um, bro, Rose not stupid though. She's no, she doesn't make silly mistakes.

She's got a good brain. You right there? Yeah, I just got my, uh, anyways, anyways. I got bad news. Okay. Oh, test results. Oh, she's right. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I Okay. Oh I'm kidding So I just worry about you because I don't want you to fucking go in and bang some comic Like Sandy D in fucking Greece because it you're on the summer and I don't want to be responsible for that All right, use your head. Yes, you are but listen

You I mean use your head Would you bang Dan if he wanted to bang you? Oh, there you go. That's a yes. If I don't know, depends on what? I don't sleep on the first date with someone. I date to. He's not. Put them working.

Third date. All right. First. I want to be wine and dine. I want to be drinking. You can't even drink. You're not legal to drink. 21 years old.

How many times have I tell you that? You screamed too much drink. You're not legal to drink. 21 years old. How many times have I tell you that? You screamed too much. I was just not gonna happen. Anyways, hey Kyle. What's up? Good job. Listen, you show your one move to New York. He's the beef cake.

He's what? He's the beef cake. He's got Kelly and Rose swooning over there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. While Kyle's got a girlfriend, she's a teacher. Yeah. Yeah. Well Kyle's got a girlfriend. She's a teacher.

Not for long. Oh. Are you going to try this to do this to me? Is that what she's saying? She's saying that she's saying that she's a condistence. She's saying that you're going to break up with your girl. It's not going to work.

And because you know why this is why? Because she's going to move to New York for you, not really knowing anyone else here. And she's going to expect that you are going to be most of her life because she's not going to have any other life here. Because she only moved here for you. She really knowing anyone else here, and she's going to expect that you are going to be most of her life, because she's not going to have any other life here, because she only moved here for you. She knows some people. You're going to be so smothered by comedy, she's going to be left behind.

Everyone, everyone who moves to New York with interrelationship breaks up with them. Everybody. This isn't streaming live, is it? No. Because she's probably crying right now. No. That's the first. I disagree with her.

Maybe this is not streaming, she's probably crying. I. She's probably crying. I'll tell you why. I left a little bit of a bummer. I left a girl called Don back in Boston when I first moved to New York. I know how this ends up. And that that that chick is the mother of my child Max. You know what I'm saying? It's a bumpy road. You might fucking what? You ain and about right in the middle of my fucking moment I had a fucking moment Dan your moment was losing wind and I was not losing wind It was lose. No, you're trying to don't a hue it and you screwed it up I wasn't don a hue in it. I was about to talk about my son max What you gonna spooky voice?

my son Max. What are you going to spooky voice? Yeah, we're boobies. We're boobies. We're boobies. Every brother did the monster, man. I was my sad voice. Monster Max. Hey, is he punches us?

Joe is back. Joe is back. Oh, thank God for cookies. Listen, jacked up. He's going to crash like a motherfucker. I know it's going to be horrible. It's going to stink. All right, anyways, you've done kid in the thing thing hey, hey, you haven't seen the kid yet

You can't call it down. I'm gonna show my phone. Well, you know what? Why don't you come by and see him you asshole? I've been meaning to but you go like this just come by Like I don't even know you live got a text you got a call James was there Wrong baby you came to my I told him not to bring people over my house while I was with us. We were all of a day, we built a fort. That cock sucker, I just, fuck it. People that said people don't know. Lewis stayed at my house while I was away.

He needed a place to stay, I gave him a place to stay. My place is really nice. I really didn't let Lewis stay there, I let his girlfriend stay there with the kid. Lewis got to stay there because he is with a very nice person and has a baby. He didn't get to stay there. If he was single, I would fucking let him sleep in a park. Roller-blading shirtless?

Yeah. Remember that? I let him fucking shower at an equinox and go fuck himself with some soup Hey Bobby, can I cross on your couch? I try to stab my roommate Hey, you remember I'm shirtless. Yeah, sorry the cops right my house He said I'm gonna walk in my dogs and he's running by I just I just pulled a knife on my roommate I'm like fucking Christ, but anyways, you stayed at my place, but I know.

Look at, if Dan Soda jerked off in my shower, I guarantee fucking damn tea. This taffbreed Puerto Rican, whatever else he is, cranked one out right in my fucking tub. And his poor girl had to clean it up. Why? Because... You think he's lifted?

Well, dude, if you know my shower, it's slate. You can't jerk off on slate. You gotta get right in the drain. That's like that Spider-Man monster alien that just fucking clings to shit. You gotta get right in, you gotta get a bend over in the drain and gizz it right in there. Yeah.

Oh. I know he did fucking bad things in my house. You could feel it, can't you? Thank God his girl cleaned up like a maculet. She's great. Yeah, be as great. She's very lucky, man. Yeah.

He made the right move of staying here, I think. Yeah, we'll see. Mm-hmm. We should all just stop talking to him. Done. Joe's been on that. No problem. He was surprised, Dan, when he found's been I was saying I was so happy

Yeah, really yeah, no, I'm starting. I'm like fucking someone talked sense in it. I know Someone love that big big fucking got him big J actually took credit to of course He's fucking out of his mind of course. He's out of his mind. Yeah, you had nothing to do it Oh, he was leaving. I feel like it was this show almost well I I heard about it through the show, but right you guys were really on him Yeah, I know I know what's it doing? It's deeper. Yeah, I know I should stay I know I should stay I'm sorry sounding like an old Jewish

I know I should stay I know I should stay I'm fine is it sounding like an old Jewish I come from the Friday I'm not here staying No go to a like because I'm going to LA cuz there's opportunities That sounds like a fire and war cup of tea That sounds like him if he went to LA or if he was born in LA I can do a Joe Manor East Go ahead

Joe Manor No fuck up Yeah come on. Each week I bring my real-life problems to this podcast. I got ADD. I got anger. I'm the ass. Dan Spice is the best.

Oh, Dan is the best. I don't know, Joe Manorista. I know Joe, but I don't know his voice though. I, Dan, you're disapproving of the voices. It was just, it was the Lewis was almost Never done in a while. What's your Lewis Dan? What's Lois is J's base of amitation I'm Lois Gomez

Lois more real last dude Realist dude. Yeah, that was good. You're a little more bass You know don't forget the J. Dude, so how's it gonna focus you? He's a psycho. He's a psycho with a lot of public with him. He's a real ass dude. That's not like some shit that he plays up. It's like when Rick Flair pretends to be Rick Flair,

but he actually lives that lifestyle. That's what Lewis does. Where is UFC? Yeah, you have to, like where you have to see he's like, look at these fireheads. Don't have enough to fight. Lewis, don't say that. I told them to stop it. Yeah, that's if you want you can't you can't I'm

we're in the gym yeah I'm in the gym with this guy and yeah all the fucking jokes you guys just made listening the gym really what was his name was in an ice cream gym gym was a country before was there a lot of Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Tint foil down and add to the show. I've been adding to the show. I don't have anything This is how to talk him in all the time. I wait till I have a joke unlike you other schmucks That I just fucking filling air time. I'm sorry that we'll just carry the show until you feel like stepping in with One of your well-played That's my job. It's not your job. It's took everyone's job, but Bobby He's over here checking his phone and he yells at us for not filling in time. I had to get ads for the show

You fuck I had to get advertisements Show put that fuck I'll hit you with the baseball pick it up again. I'm throwing this at you pick it up dry pick it up Listen I want to have sex with Kelly I want to have sex with row Hey, damn what were we talking about? We were talking. About the gym, how Lewis is a sucker at the gym. I'm at the gym. There's a guy, a gay guy, a gay young man on the machine.

I'm using it. He steps in between sets. I go back, and I'm like, hey, dude, I just got to, and he's like, oh, okay, I'll just move. And Lewis comes up, don't look that fat, I get used, I'm like, dude, shut the fuck up. I know that he doesn't hate gay people. I know that he's not a racist, really, he's not.

He's just stupid. We're all rolling our eyes, don't we? He's really not. Even like, I've been on the subway with him. He's fucking a face. He's the gayest guy I know. Show tunes and MMA. He has fucking presented to men more than any gay guy I've ever met.

But here's a deal. It's like, dude, you gotta learn to shut your face. I wish you was here. We're going to talk about this when he's here, because we need him to defend himself. Can I feel so safe with him with him now? I do too, I'm safe. It's like having a human pitiful with you. It really is.

He really is like a fucking gorilla. Take it, he's going, hey Lewis, boom here, boom here. Hey man. Where are you looking at my friend? Do you want to look at my friend again? What the fuck, rip you open bro? Take these flames shorts off. Girl, what the fuckin' you want to see my half-shrieved hand?

Ha ha ha ha ha. I love it, he has male pattern baldness. He just thinks, yeah, but he really, he's just gotta stop that. Stop it. So you can't just, you know, shit out like that. Grow the fuck up. He's trying to make you laugh?

No, he's, he's just being real. Listen man, here's a deal. Everybody, we all grew up with certain ways. You're from Boston, how many fucking assholes? You know, Boston, you fucking queer. I mean, look, it's not, you know, I don't, I don't mean. You gotta learn how to fucking talk differently. If you're especially even gonna be in showbiz,

and you're gonna try to be in this industry, you gotta learn to fucking drop a couple things and be a little more politically correct, or at least make it funny funny. You know what I mean? You can't just go, low-moot that flag on, and he's a gay guy, nice little sweet twink on a fucking crunch machine.

But just, hey, first of all, stop cock-blocking me. How's that? I'm fucking trying to hook up. Try to have a nice conversation with this young lad. Because getting his course straight for his fucking bear. Yeah, I'm trying to hook up. I'm trying to have a nice conversation with this young lad because getting his course Shrink for his fucking bear. Yeah, I'm trying to Mess it in a bear you would be a bear. I think I'm a bear twink What would I be? I'll be here. How about him? I'd be a power bottom. I'm a bit like you come and get this shit

Wiggly ass. I'm a twink. So sure. No, you're a you're a bear. You're hairy. You're too hairy Well, I'd give you a drink Blue is a twink Kyle is down low who make it married everything Go to see football game and get it up the oh, he's a stick. Oh, I'm a straight eight. Yeah straight a straight a sloppy bottom Back I'm back up twink is like you want yeah, tiny. Yeah, no, you're not a twink. You're not a twink is like more kids you want. Yeah, timing for a free. No, you're not a twink. You're not a twink. Do you a hairy?

I'm not hairy anywhere else. Yeah, but if you shake, rows, that's true. Ha ha ha. Dan, Dan, what is Dan? Is fun on the roof. The power bottom. Yeah, what is a fucking back?

What is fucking back? Yeah, fuck me. I think I'm closer to a twink than he is. Oh God, you're delusional. That's what you're closer to. Can you imagine the nebars I'm closer to a twink than he is. Oh God, you're delusional. That's what you're closer to. Keep your eyes on it. The nebarsness of Joe as a twink, he's like, you know, you're gonna fuck me now.

But what is a twink? You're not letting him go, you know, you wanna fuck me? Are you mad? Are you mad? Are you mad? Are you mad or not, fuck me? Are you mad or not, fuck me?

Are you mad or not, fuck me? Are you mad or not, fuck me? Are you mad or not, fuck me? Are you mad or not, fuck me? Are you mad or not, fuck me? Are you mad or not, fuck me? Are you mad or not, fuck me? Are you mad or not, fuck me? Are you mad or not, fuck me? Are you mad or not, fuck me? Are you mad or not, fuck me? Are you mad or not, fuck me? You have any cookies, honey? Is he dick red? I want coke. I don't like diet coke.

You think I'm dying? Will you fuck me in my ass and tell me if I'm dying? Get a straw while you fuck me in the ass for this coke? You better. I can't suck you, Dex, I can just fuck me in the ass. I mean, you're a bear. I'm not a bear, I think I'm a bear twink. You're not a bear twink.

What's such thing? Don't say Bobby, don't say the word bear twink and then give a girlish cute little smile after what you got. Bear twink, then give a girlish cute little smile after you Got Between Your You look like a little cub Twinks are like

You look like a cub's logo Look at him You look like a cute face Stop it You do pull up the cub's logo you look just like it I would feel so comfortable You went just fall asleep on your chest watching Will and Grace. Wow.

And then we'd go to the bed and you just pound that half. I would let you ride. I'd let you be doing it wrong. So you'd be like, Dad, fucking, your butt was breaking my teeth. I'd be trying to watch an episode of Longwire while you. Dad, move all of a sudden. And I'd come to the bathroom, boy. Tell you if you were a dude, what would you be? like an episode of Longwire while you move all of us out I think that comes to battle boy

Kelly if you were a dude what would you be? I don't know I would know if you were a lesbian I'd be the man I bet Kelly I bet Kelly fucks like a dude Yeah huh you know fuck me I bet she does Come on you fucking loser Yeah that's all the dick you got You probably she probably said to trope choke the guys you fuck

She gets too fucking hey she gets you can't see don't you pull some hair. No, yeah fucking slap a face It depends it depends on what you bite a tooth while you fucking a guy the fuck who would do that? Biting on you, an actual two. I don't want to fuck a bloody, you know, like a dead fish. What? Would you fuck Kyle? I don't know, it's something about him who's kind of sexy. Don't hurt your brain, what the fuck?

No, you're kind of sexy. Like, he looks like he's been in a few fights. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not a transport. A whole bunch. Yeah, yeah, it kind of looks kind of sexy. Yeah, I get it. Too quiet for me though. I get it, he's got a little bit of a danger.

Too quiet. Too quiet, yeah, he's fun, the bitch. Come on. Yeah. Yeah, quiet, but yeah, kind of sexy. Smisterious. It's very mysterious, you know. But I do like rise, got the facial thing going on more.

I don't like that. I mean, you mean Hollywood, you honest? I mean, if I, I don't like it because. It's like, you can never be smooth. You're like it because it's like you can never be smooth. You're always hairy. That's hot. I can be smooth. No, you're not.

I can never fuck you, dude. You can be real smooth. I can never fuck you, dude. I would fuck you, cuz you're the exact size tits them into. I have your girlfriend's tits, I really do. But Joe, you're into small tits. Oh, sorry, what? Oh, shit.

Your girl has a cops your girl has Should you say that you have big tips. Hey, man. There's no need to fucking be mean I think the word dumb dumb is the meanest thing you can say to a grown man fucking dumb dumb The first dumb hurts, but the second dumb is like a bell. It's like a fucking mean bell dumb dumb. Friends of mine have got a podcast called the Bum Dumb Club. Shut the fuck up Kelly. For the love of goll, I'll throw this baseball at you, a fucking head. I want you to put this baseball at your other tit just to even it all. Let's all get our shirts off.

Yeah! Everyone, you will take a shirt off, Joe. I can't have up freezing, by the way it's fucking four degrees on this side and even Dan's cold he doesn't know he knows he can get made fun of me talks about first and my eyes dry out about three and a half hours why do you want to sit what do you want to sit what do you want to sit what do you want to do what do you want to do what do you want to turn the first of all I don't even care the show's almost over I didn't fucking complete we got four more hours my eyes I can't even see your eyes a fucking slices there. It's like your mouth. We can't even see it

Your mouth and your eyes and all three are the same exact size My eyes are I was coming with a dry or then something but everyone wants to fuck everyone so there's no real Weird show all right listen, we're real drive everybody. This is a weird show. All right, listen We're gonna wrap this up as is a weird show. I think we've haven't been together in a while We don't know what the Groovy's we brought Kyle Pufen who added fucking 6% of nothing What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? I don't understand you have your own Pods have a rapport together. I'm not a we don't fucking rapport with each other You do you guys are not listening to the show?

I just need to get it right a couple of times so I can call you a bitch and then we'll be then we'll be able to get in Oh shit Kelly said you know what you don't have the right to call me I know I don't that's why it happens. Yeah, we don't know each other. How do you earn that I didn't call you a bitch Yeah, Joe has no one You call me I believe the exorcist the devil Right doon yeah, I tried to get to some fucking topics with you. It got a little crazy But I think we got I think we got to Some interesting facts about about vine. I love talking vine with you because it's always evolving with you

You went from 9,000 to 20,000 to 750,000 people. By the way, at the beginning of the show, you said you have almost 700,000 and you've just added 53,000 followers. Yeah, I do that. That's right there. That's what you did, Charlie. You know why I do that, Joe? Why?

I want to make sure people are listening. And you're listening, Joe. Yeah. This fucktaced Kyle Ploof is not listening. Because I've been rethinking my entire life because you guys like why you move in here, your girlfriend's gonna dump you, you're gonna fuck a bunch of chicks in the face.

No, Kelly's saying that. That's Kelly. You should fucking move earlier if Kelly's questioning your decision. Yes, so I'm saying that it's gonna work out. I'm saying that. What you almost did and then he said you're famous, stupid. Whoa, did you say that?

Yes. So he was lately broke into it, and he said you were trying to be like, don't you? And then the heart felt moment we were sharing. You're sorry about that. Oh yeah, that was gonna do it. Hey.

Shut up. You're not you Kelly, Dan. Me and Don, not you, Dan Kelly. She can't hear me. But I mean, you're him. No, Dan. Okay, come on. Joe, can you not put you a fucking no mouth on the microphone?

Someone give him another brownie My dick just moved Ro just fed my dick is one from one side of the other I'm gonna let you know, right? Just fed. My dick is right from one side of the other. You rolled over? Damn it. What I said was that I moved out of Boston and now the girl that I left in Beentown, it

took a long time, but now I'm fucking married, I have a kid and I'm saying that it, look it. If you wanted to work, it'll work. If you wanted to work, it'll work. If you wanted to work, it will work. That's my point. And you never know. So you're gonna be fine. I mean, yes, you're gonna move here and fuck out the chick behind your back.

You're gonna do that. Get your butt hole eaten under a train. By a fucking Australian open micer. But I'm not an open micer. He must not be talking about me. I got one by fucking Lewis's show. Happy birthday. I'm not an open Micah he must not be talking about me My god Kelly's got it. She's fucking Kelly's It's good some shit. All right, listen say it right, dude

Yeah, I hope I look a man. I want you to come back on sweet and will will I want to see how far this goes dude. I hope you look, man, I want you to come back on sweet and we'll, I wanna see how far this goes, dude. I hope you and your friends get some shit out of it, dude. Thanks, man. I hope you make some money out of this. Try to do, I'm trying to stand up, like. Yeah, well, look, dude, I wouldn't do that, but listen, the thing with this, this fine thing, you're good at.

Listen, voice is in character, you keep this up. Nah, dude, good luck with the stand up and you should help them if you're in bean town Listen, voices and characters, you keep this up. No, dude, good luck with the stand-up and you should help them if you're in bean town. You guys should exchange that. Did a guest ball for Joe, who's my first book gig. Wait, that's how free snow he is. You really made an impression, huh, flat nose. Dan's got a spated shovel nose. I'm sorry. Hey, arrow tip nose. I've heard it's elegant. Yeah. It's elegant.

It's elegant if you want to kill a buffalo. Wow. Dan's been good today. For the bold-headed chief. I tried to find the reference. But just like our land, it was taken by the white man. Dan what? I'm not done yet. We're going to stop. Everybody's getting too tired. I'm what? I'm not that.

We're gonna stop. Everybody's getting too tired. I'm ready. I'm not gonna sleep again. Dan, Dan is very anti-corporate. I am locked it. I'm telling you, Alan's got me. Alan's got me. I love it. I love it, Dan. Dan, come on baby.

You're not totally evil. All right, listen, I gotta go back. I gotta go, I gotta shit to do. I've been up since fucking seven. Oh, Dan. Oh, I've always up since. No, I'm not. I got a I gotta shit to do I've been up since fucking seven No, I'm not I got a kid now and the kid gets up. What do you fucking meaning? I have a shit coming out of my asshole Yeah, for what the way tables today Right take me with you on your vine journey, please

It was all uphill for right here until you teamed up with Australia Kelly would jump ship on this podcast in a second if I was I Know we sound similar I mean Joe list, but that's Joe saying that was That's not my voice. I know we sound similar. I mean Joe list, but that's Joe saying that not Not good. That was good. It was but it was too quick because you're all jacked up on Sure No, no, no, I got a pressure before not see that's like fucking fast-forward Poor that I've asked you You sound like you're just doing a really racist Asian impression. Oh, I'm kidding

I meant I really do wish you guys were up in Montreal. I wish you you know, we get it dude Not not not you Kelly is get it dude not not you Kelly is talking to me Kelly not you did you meet any of my friends I didn't mean any of them but any who this is a fucking weird show I'm good to be back though I missed Dan I missed Joe right Joe list Kelly row thanks for coming on Kyle you got a buddy. Thanks for having Joe take it Is dad to meet you I'm gonna crash so hard I'm gonna sleep be sleeping on the train like fucking fuck the flow.

I hope it's in front of a cab. You're gonna listen. I don't get it. I don't get it. You get you pass out and the cab runs you over. You die. You die. All right, so here we go.

Kyle, what do you got? Listen, guys, first of all, thank you for listening to this one. This is all over the fucking place, but I hope you enjoy it. We're back. We're gonna be back for the next few weeks doing these catching up on you guys. So make sure you go right the fuck now. Go to iTunes and subscribe and review this show. I don't give a fuck if you already did it. Go do it again. If you listen to the show and you haven't subscribed or review on iTunes, even if that's not the way you listen, make sure you do that. And go to my page on ryecast.com.

Look around, look at the videos we have. We're going to be making some changes real soon, upgrading everything. And thank you for all the donations, Heather Graves again, you know, you're fucking great. So we're going to be doing a lot of stuff to the website to make it More the functionality more better I can use such a great word and then fuck it up I think I just pooped right check and see be pooped I think I just pooped. Right, chicken's even pooped.

Check the baby. Oh, what the fuck, dude. What the fuck, dude? I sneeze. What the fuck, dude? I used every fucking ounce of Kung Fu, I know. Knock a shit in my pants. No, no, the fuck, that was.

I'd hurt my heart. It's a good, when you're with baby panda sneeze and it scares the mom. It scares the mom. I just used fucking ninth-level kung-fu not to ship my pants I had a shit in the outer asshole that sneeze came out out of nowhere son there was so whoo fucking zoo animal there's a nugget in your pants oh you call Dan that was me. Should we answer for what? Right, we're trying to get out of it. It's fucking three seconds. It's Nate. Who the fuck? He didn't do anything. Well, go ahead

Hi Nate. Put him on speaker dumb dumb. You're on you're on the podcast. Put it on speaker. The thing that's a speaker There it is right here live the other way stupid the sound is other way stupid the sound is Other way Where Dan give him the phone give her the phone hold on Nate. I'm getting yelled at. Go ahead Nate. Say it again I already recorded a podcast and then it went I think really bad So I don't think it's going to air. Is that true? Are you talking about your show?

Wait, what? What? No, not my show. It's a little... I'm getting a plot cast. You're on the Bobby's podcast. I thought it was Joe's podcast. No, Bobby's podcast.

You're on, you know what dude right now? We're taping right now. I only listen to Joe's podcast. What's Joe's podcast? You're on you're on you know what dude right now we're with taping right now What's Joe's podcast oh Hey, you don't know what you just did you have a podcast Yeah, hang on you're the evil cat evil wow that's an evil person let me see let me see hang on hang on this is telling me go ahead what go ahead Nate what I said I was gonna

hang up a listen because I want to hear the hell of what this is about to happen we're not radio it's not FF you fucking red neck what are you gonna fucking tune us in what okay where are you right now I'm in Lausanne you have a fucking podcast you fuck suck out technically I don't well Who, what's it called? It's called, uh, Tuesdays with stories. Now what's it called? Oh that's what seriously called. What's it called really?

It's called the Shindler's List. What's it called, Joe? Two thousand stories. Joe what's it called? Tuesdays. On Tuesdays with stories. So what's it called? Kind of like Tuesdays with Mori.

Ever read a book fatty. I saw the show, stupid fucking little mouth. Hank is area, start, yeah. I know, yeah. I know. I know, you hear it. And then a hero comes along. So it along came Polly.

Is that worse than Pluf is in the pudding? No, nothing is worse than plufas in the pudding. Plufas in the pudding. It sounds like wolf in his hands terrible. The word pluf sucks. It's a name. It's a name. It's a name.

It's a name. I got a money pop guest coming out called Sodorpop. Huh? That's nice sight of pups. Yeah. Right, you have one coming out? It's called Keep Off the Dunes. Oh, no.

I like that one. Keep off the dunes. Okay no! I like that one! Keep off the dunes. Okay. Live from Cape Cod. Don't forget that. Don't forget, Ro Ro Ro your boat will be out. Yeah, what about Kelly's? Oh.

Does that... Does that... It's called... It's called... Oh, for Kelly for Seurica. Oh, for Kelly for Seracal on Tuesdays? Koi for Stupa. Stupa.

So you do your podcast. Those are the kind of things. I'm recorded one podcast. With who? Mark Norman, my co-host. Is he really? Yeah, I like Mark. And we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna, what?

I didn't even get a call. You didn't have soda on first? Wow. No. So is your guy. It's a Jerry Lewis and Dean Mugger. I'm gonna, I'm gonna have soda on first? Wow. No, so is your guy. It's like Jerry Lewis and Dean Mugher. I gotta have soda on the first one. I thought you were.

I thought you were. When we have an audience, we're building an audience before we have a lot. It's not get carried away. What's the name of it again? Two days with stories. It's a long t-shirt. Yours is called You Know What Dude.

Yeah, no, it's called YKWd. Oh, all right the nose is called fucking SD or Tuesdays with two dumbass Well, you know, very so but we do our show on Tuesdays I thought yours comes out Mondays. Yeah, but we do it on Tuesdays Oh, so you're not gonna do it on Tuesday, you're just gonna release it on Tuesday. Yeah, but we're recording on Monday or Tuesday, depending on what's working.

But we did Tuesday afternoon. I'm here, aren't I? Aren't I? You are not. We are not. I'm very much behind you, Joe. Thanks, buddy. I love when guys do podcasts.

I hope to hear it someday. I hope that you're on it. Well, let's not get carried away. But I hope I hope that I would love to hear it. I think I think you and Mark are you know, he's just you but you have your friends on. No, it's Mark and I show. So it's you and Mark and then you have people on. We've a guest. So you and why didn't you and Dan do a show together? Yeah, I don't know. Like the soda list. Well they asked Mark and I if we had a show. Who's that? They stand up New York. Really?

Yeah, they got a nice setup up there. Do they? Yeah. Okay. So what are you on their network or something? I think I'm going to be on their network. I don't know how it's working. So you and I have a network, you know.

I did know that, but you didn't say do you want to do a show here and they did so I was like okay? Well, I didn't know you wanted to do a show. I thought you did my show Well, I didn't want to do a show until someone said you have a show idea. I was like I'll do a show I'm gonna do a show you do yeah, what do you want to do six-hack a podcast? Right you podcast. I'll interview a viner's and shit. Let me tell you something. I will not be turning The flip is in the pudding That creative of a title not to them. I'm really I'm literally seconds away from shitting my pants That's what you want. I'm going on good for you Joe. I love you buddy. You and Mark. I wish you the best of luck

Can I plug a show no spot they have to be absolutely joker i can't get the show on the on the on the on the end of the end of the show on the condition that uh... i would put on this podcast what's that uh... comic strip wednesday august twenty first okay and uh... you know it's the show that you didn't get back to me about doing

shit i'm sorry dude uh... wednesday i guess we first and I think we might have I might be doing every other Wednesday from now on. That's great. The comics strip up there. They're really trying to switch it up and do I got a call from the owner's son. Yeah. Richie is a real good kid and I like what they're doing up there. They're really letting comics be creative and they're trying to switch it up there. So absolutely go check out that show. The Joe List is it's his show. I'm sorry I didn't get back to you.

I would love to do your show. Maybe I'll come up anyways. Yeah, any anytime and bump everybody. Legendary club and I'm excited. Unbelievable. Absolutely. One of the top clubs in the city. I'm glad they're switching shit up and getting back excited. Unbelievable. Absolutely. One of the one of the top clubs in the city.

I'm glad they're they're switching shit up and getting getting back together up there. So check it out. Kelly, what do you got? I don't have anything good to promote. And Kyle Pooff. Tudah, K-E-L-O-I-S-C-E-C-I. It would look great. Yeah. Follow Kelly for Stilka and Kyle Pooff. What do you got? Yeah, everything's at Kyle Pooff on on social media And if you want to see me interview famous rappers and do fun stuff with them It's any as in northeast any hip hop calm

The fuck is that? It's a curve ball. I have a fuck. I'm gonna shit my pants. Oh you can't really would get Bring that up. What is that you know you're a hip hop and end didn't bring that up? What is that? You're hip hop? I didn't have an end to bring that up. You're a cheater. Oh, hey, by the way, I fucking interview rappers every week. Here's your, here, anybody who comes on this show, in the future, here's your end to bring something up. It's called the fucking microphone.

Speak into it, and then people go, huh? Why would I change a topic to bring that up? Because that's what I need you to do. Oh, God. Am I right? Yeah. I wanna know if the interview made men. They stabbed Paul Pierce.

No, no, yet. Okay. Man, I knew you had swag. I'm gonna shit my pain. I know, it's what I'm kissing. Yeah, that's all. And I'm gonna talk about me and ride you. And what do you got?

We doing some stand up at Shaskaskeen pub and Manchester New Hampshire. Oh, I banged a chick up there a long time ago. Rachel Summer. Fucking one of the hottest chicks ever. I'll ask you for some reason. I wouldn't do that. She's fucking scratch my face. She's a lunatic.

Jesus. That is on 9-11. Yes. So pretty out there. No airplane jokes. Then I'll be back there on October 16th, do my first feature spot. Wow, that's 20 minutes. Well, that's 18 minutes.

That's like four minutes. That's like 10 to 15. That's not a feature. Well, it is going on second. Yeah. It is for fucking ride-oone. It's him, he's working it out. Oh yeah.

Ride-oone. That's for you. Thanks man. Ro, what do you got? A beautiful smile. All right, check it out. Do me a favor, go to robbercallylive.com, check this out this week.

I'm at Uncle Vinneige. Oh, point pleasant beach. All right, I'm out there, I got one show. Check it out at robbercallylive.com. Make sure if you're from jazzy buy your fucking tickets Today I went on a theater search to shoot my special there you go We saw four theaters in New York City. We narrowed it down to two I'm trying to do some something a little different a little cooler

It's So we're very close. So, sometime soon I'll be making the announcement. I already signed the deal. We're shooting it. It's done. We're just trying to figure out where and when is the next one. So, New York City, Connecticut, Boston, Jersey, you guys, when I do make the announcement, get the tickets.

We're doing two shows I'm not doing some fucking big theater. It's gonna be a little it's gonna be a theater But it's a little more intimate a little cooler So make sure you get the tickets when I announce it, but we're very close to Making that announcement which I'll make very excited about my first hour. I think legitimate hour, so It should be awesome and And what else? Make sure you donate, make sure you go and support our sponsors and support all the

comics on this fucking show. Go and follow them on Twitter and make sure and go see their shows live. That's the main thing. Go if you see somebody, one of us in your town that's been on the show, go to the show live, tell them you heard about him, or you heard about it from the podcast, let them know that you're a fan, and that's what we do. We love doing these shows, these podcasts, but we really do a stand-up comedy,

so make sure you support that. You guys are great. I'm gonna shit my pants, what? Danny didn't do these tights. That's a good. Oh, shit. You know why, Dan? Because you tried to make me shit my pants Yeah, I did I

Remember Center Comedy Club San Antonio. Where's that San Antonio? I know what dude. I love that club really? It's a good club there 15th and 16th the the Alamos there. Yeah right by the Alamo. Oh you're doing that club Shit sorry, dude. That's cool. It'll be fun. Well the owner the guy owns both and then nice So have fun out there. Where else? What else you get going on? Then I'll be in the city for like three weeks. Awesome, man. So you'll be back on the show. Yeah All right guys God bless take care. Go poop Bobby. Go, P. I pee real quick. I got a P2 Yeah, I got a shit. What the fuck? Who's peeing?

I got a pee too. I just told you, I got a shit. You know what I'm dead? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop. Stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop