Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Kerryn Feehan, Eric Neumann, Liz Furiati | High Dimple

Episode Date: May 29, 2022

This weeks Bobby's joined by Eric Neumann, Kerryn Feehan and Cellar manager Liz as they get into if Eric can take an old school cellar beating, making it big in Tik Tok and ultimate comedy goals! CROWD WORK SPECIAL | Eric Neumann | But Enough About Me - YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Old school back in the day, we're all starting before them all YKW did podcasts is so fun and crazy, and there's no rules Shut up, you're ruining this! Rook the bar, damn it, I'm so sorry It's a comedy podcast, this is an NPR That's the podcast done! Is there any better show? This is an NPR. That's the Tarkant done. Is there any better show? This is the original.

Original. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. What's up everybody?

It's Robert Kelly. You know what dude, back again, live. Thank you very much for tuning in. Patreon people. God bless all your fucking souls for spending the money every month to support my Food habit. Thank you so much. I sneak I buy sneaky snacks and I hide them in the shed and that's how I got this big So thank you for the ringdings ho-hoes and cheese balls fucking cheese balls are so good I learned cheese balls the big fucking the big container

Listen, I haven't had fucking cheese ball, believe it or not. I know you see a chubby guy like really. I haven't had a cheese ball in fucking probably 25 years. Shut the fuck up. I just didn't like cheese balls. Oh, you just like want to go to Walmart, get a big thing of cheese balls, go to the beach, it's summer. Oh god, why is more sitting like a fat gargoyle?

What? I'm just so happy to see more. Stay there, just stay there. Forever. Just fucking crazy. Just scared the shirt out of me. It hurts. Over the little skinny twink shoulder. We got a great show for you today.

We'll get back to cheese balls in a second. I know you get whipped up. You know I am. Great show today. I am gonna be in right now, I'm in fucking, if you're watching this on YouTube, do me a favor, subscribe, like, comment. That's it, it's free.

You're getting free shit. So just subscribe, like, and comment. Patreon, people, God bless. God bless you and your children. I wish I could fucking show my asshole, fucking money on what's it called? What is it again, you're on? You're like, you don't know.

You have like five different user names that's subscribed to me. I you know what? Body one, Bobby, too. Bobby, three. I'm yeah, right. I wish I, I wish I could subscribe to you. I should get a fake credit card because I'd love to do some training stuff and watch your asshole for $8.

You want to do the training stuff? I would watch it. Oh, watch it. Oh, okay. Don't get aside. Don't sidetrack with your stupid questions. If you don't try to get it back, you're fucking half a whore. Just listen.

I look at her bow. I, she's so adorable when she does that. Oh, I just chewed it. Might have put fire cheese ball in. You're shartin over there. What are you fucking just saying, shit now? Yeah. We got great, great panel tonight. You're shartin over there. What are you fucking just saying, Chitna? Yeah.

We got great panel tonight. Two people I really like. One, I love. One, I really love. So, why don't you introduce everybody, Nikki? Yes, we have Liz here today. That's the one I really love. I know. I love you.

I knew that was, yeah. She's the one I really love out of. I should have said one I really love. One I really like. And then one me. And then Eric nomenon No, that's not electric That's all I feel I feel worse about me than you guys Karen's fucking sock has them is off the charts that way

She's very off the charts with the guys today. Please believe nothing from her mouth. It's not true. You're not feeling the heat on picking. I love that. Oh, God. How you doing, buddy? Welcome. This is the first time on the show, right?

Oh, yeah, man. I feel like I'm not getting you. I feel like I'm getting like vacation you or writing book you. You got a beer. Usually you're a clean shaven. No, this is real estate agent Eric Newman. I came and went to one time, I'm in the private gig. And then he's selling you an apartment on the Upper West Side.

Oh, it's a great classic six. Look at the crown mold. You just fall bedroom spacious fire place over here. Six six. I love that. You know, fucking real things. The terms. A classic.

That's what I call my cock. Classic six or. Classic six or. I'm sorry. It's a six if I lose the weight it's a six. For now. Do you really real real real take a no dude really never never tabled never double dude as do she is I appeared to be I've never done any of those super fit.

I swear to God. You're the state I haven't. I don't want sold the insurance. You wear in a fucking smoker right now. I know, Bobby, you said that. That's a smoker. I know. And fucking Modi, I show it to him.

He looks at it, he analyze it for 20 minutes, he can't believe it's real. He's like looking at it, he's like, it's not real, it's not real. It's not real, right? Just because he knows it's me, he thinks it's not real. It's an AP, yeah. What, which one is it?

This is the, a Royal Oak. That's the one. It's the one, baby. Yeah, that watches worth what? How This is the, um, a royal oak. That's the one. That's the one, baby. Yeah, that watch is worth what? How is this like 40 grand, bro? Yeah, it's crazy. You just want to punch him in the face now, right? I'll tell you why I'm fucking mad.

This is why I'm fucking mad. What? You ask why I'm mad? Don't make that face, please. No, I didn't. Put your face back. That's not the face. No, I'm asking.

That's not the face for you. Stay on mad. What's the matter? I love you. I know, I love you. I'm asking that's not the face for you. Stay on mad. I Love you. I love you. I'm sorry. I attacked you where you are did, but it's boss is fault. Can I blame boss? Absolutely this clock sucker. You know, he did the watching back the watch. Yeah, okay. What was it? It's the sky Open the wound. It's okay. I'm on bover now, but now you got reopened this what a fucking piece He's just a fucking ex-grime. Yes, fucking grub. Yeah.

So I've been going to Mohinkin's son since it opened. Yeah, I go. And the Rolex place in there, Lord of fucking Luxor, whatever the fuck it is, I went in there years ago, put my name on a list for this fucking Skydweller. You have to put your name on a list and I go in every time I'm there twice a year, once a year, and check. And they know me.

Skydweller? That's the name of it. You didn't even need to know. There it is, whatever. It's a 15. It's more like an earthdweller to me. It's a 50. You want to try, you want to,

you want this now or you want this later because you just swing it and miss it. I think it's the orange dress you're fucking's fucking feel like gravity and black skydwell Really you look like a street cone. You're a lot of your friends Is on a LC. I'll give a fuck what that is. That's a skydwell That's worth 19 of those listen He they calls me up he goes. I just I'm like, what's up? I just got a call from the place in Mohigian Sun.

They have the skydwell, they just called me. Meanwhile, he has it. He goes, he just called me. I'm gonna, I'm gonna cancel him, go down and get it. You know, I'm gonna, in my head, I'm like, yeah, that's cool, but in my head, I'm gonna get another one. You fucking piece of shit. He's gonna go by the, another one.

I'm on the list there. They called him first. I call, right when I hang up the phone, I call up, the lady treats me like a piece of shit. What did you do? He, they called him. The peep, there's a list. Yeah.

How was he on that list before you? I don't fucking know, dude. Probably can Bonnie keep selling TV shows. Every time she sells one, he gets a new one. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. No offense, rich, I'm sure you're doing great. I'm fucking mad. Come on.

Shut up. Don't apologize, you have fucking flip-flammer. Let him take this smack. I'm okay, I've seen. He's not here, though. Bonnie will let you all before a truck. You don't fucking worry about it. Bonnie went for it.

She really is fucking knocking. Oh, I married an esthetician. This cock's like a fuck, the next thing. I mean, that's why you're skin so nice. My skin's really good. Yeah, that's really pretty. Yeah, I'm fucking kidding. She's investing in the product.

Yeah, right. She's done one thing to my dumb face. This motherfucker, and then they would mean to me on the phone. She's like, yeah, who do you call to? I'm like, I will, I talk to my friend Rich. She goes, yeah, no, he was on the list. Then we go to the next part and you're not the next person what she goes So I go take me off your list get me off your list Yeah, you're rude and I like the way you just talk to me number one and now take me off your list number two

Oh, and number three I didn't have one, but I said number three when I think of one I call back You think the Jew Rich wouldn't like being on these lists Yo, I feel you're rich as a dude. You think the Jew Rich wouldn't like being on these lists. Yo, I've had you get riches. You don't get this to the movie dumb dumb. You want to be on the show list. You want to be on the list.

No, you're not. You're just thinking list, you want to list joke. Show it. Stop swinging. Take it easy, take a breath. Show it. That dress is too fucking tight. All right.

That's my, I think it's my cycle. Oh, you have my cycle. So is that the war done? That was the war you told me that you ordered? I got it. Oh, you got it. I already got it, but it's still the fact that somebody's boss is getting two of them.

Like he's getting two of them. Bathers me, that he's on the list before me. But you know, whatever, fuck it. Fuck it, right? That's it, baby. But how did my question to you is? Yeah, I want to know. Royal Oak story.

Yeah, I want to know. I want to know Eric Newman. Come Yeah, I want to know I want to know Eric human come on listen, dude You're at the salad your host and you're doing all right, right? He opens for Modi a lot. So he's in that little how circle of Judaism. I mean, I've got one foot in Judaism. Okay Another clearly in real estate. No, the other ones are real estate How did I get this watch a A buddy of mine is a watch dealer and I got it at a very high price. Where? Where's your watch dealer?

In LA. All right, well, you have to introduce Bobby. What's your problem? I don't want him to watch his amount. You're out. I'm out of the watch. No, I'll get you in and make sure a boss doesn't get in.

Yeah, I mean, you have to do that. We'll do that. That you have to do that. I'll get you in with this dealer and make sure a boss gets no access to it. I gotta go. I'm in with down May. May or? I'm in there. I'm with Mayors. I gotta go. I'm in with down May. Mayor.

I'm in there. I'm with Mayors. I'm good. I'm going Nick in the nick of time. Yeah, and that's a good, that's a very, I'm out of watch. You have Richard here and then Mayor's out. It just bothers me that that cock sucker looks out.

I mean, if he didn't have Bonnie. He fails up. That motherfucker fails up. How does he do that? He's a legend. Oh, that's how fucking legend. He's a fucking legend. It blows my mind that he's Jewish.

There's nothing about him. Voss, are you serious? The guy who makes sandwiches from buffets. Yeah. He took crab legs on a plane. Yeah, he took crab legs. On a plane. That's not a Jewish thing ever.

He keeps little sardines. Crab legs. All right, sorry, crustustation. I get it. But he took it from a seafood tower at lunch and then took it on a plane. He feels fucking sweet and low. That's Jewish. I mean, I don't know. That's the one. I don't know. He has a tattoo that says never again. I can't give it. He's got a tattoo. I can't have get a tattoo. I can't have tattoos. Why? We can't be buried in the right? That's all those.

I've met Eric's mother. She's like a brought. This is all coming from. She said, it just holds. I am fucking. I'm just a Paul the dad. He's my best friend and I'm so he's literally one of my best my all my friends, except for Colin. Yeah Jim Norton

Yeah, I mean you never talk he talked to him once a year He's still as a christmas present I bought him. I still have it at my house He told me to hang on to it for Is it a rope what is it? It was a nice one of the cologne I bought from. At Macy's and he goes, dude, that's nice. I got a spot at the suck. You hang on to that.

We live in the same building. We live in the same dorm and building. All is yet to come down. A couple flights and get it. It's at my house and my closet still. Yeah, keep it. You should keep it. Garbage friends.

Keith Robinson. Just shit. He is just it. I mean, just shit. Yeah, but I love him. Patrice. Dad never met him. Never fucking met. Patrice started in 2008, man. He was already. What a fucking name. He hated me. No, fucking hate. I love people with me. Oh my God. They're so right. They're so. He would have fucking tried to bop you. I think we would have gotten along. Really? I you would absolutely got it right. We would have tried to fucking sneak you back to his house and then bond to Carla and kick my ass.

No, she would fucking she'd fished you in front of him. You're out of your mind. You don't know what they're doing. The way I'm getting hands. I don't know. I'm scared. Was he banned at the seller when he did? No, he was, that's what everybody did. He was here maybe like a month before he died. Oh, you wanna hear the story?

Yeah, go ahead. Me, Gerardo, Norton, and Patrice, Mani, the original to his wife, and SD, we're all at the table. On a Friday night. First show and we're all talking, but she was just sitting there.

Like if you're a man, he's like looking around and then he just, but trees can't not have the thing on them. You know what I mean? He needs to be holding court, but we're all holding court. We're all kind of doing our own thing. And he goes, you know, manny, you teeth real.

Hahaha. Manny fucking, you motherfucker. You piece of shit embarrassed me in front of fucking my wife and my friend. Who the fuck do you think you are? And he's like, no, I just didn't, I never seen Patrice back up before. He knew it.

Wow, was that any of that tough? I don't know, what do you mean? I don't know, was he like a beat Patrice up? I don't know, beat him up, but was he intimidating? Yes, wow. Fuck yeah, man, he, yes. Man, he was fucking scary man, he was fucking scream. Patrice was like, I didn't mean it,

but she really didn't mean it. He fucked up, he was fucking scary, man. He was fucking scream, but he was like, I didn't mean it, but he really didn't mean it. He fucked up, he put his fat, um, stupid. He was just trying to pull focus a little. Trying to pull focus and it backfire to him, and we were like, what the fuck? And he was like, get the fuck out and they kicked him out. And then, Norton, he defended, man.

He didn't even pull joke, just a question. By the way, they definitely weren't real. They were not real. Yeah, he wouldn't have been so upset. I don't know, and I wouldn't ask. You guys, I don't know, I wouldn't even a full joke, just a question. By the way, they definitely weren't real. They were not real. Yeah, he wouldn't have been so upset. I don't know. And I wouldn't ask. You guys, I don't know. I wouldn't ask.

I wouldn't ask on a podcast either. He's still. You really, I'm telling you this right now, Erg Newman. Estee still gets pissed about that. So you should tread, fuck you lightly, dude. Tread lightly. It was fucking uncomfortable. Even Gerardo. But Norton was like, listen, even Jorral though.

But Norton was like, listen, he didn't mean it. And it was like, fuck him, he meant it, he meant to embarrass me in front of everybody. That's what he fucking does. And Norton won a fight with Mandy. Norton kicked himself out. No, it was like, I'm fucking gone. So he lost all his spots.

But Norton of course, the next night came back. That's a good friend. Oh, he came back tonight. Of course he did slide, boy. A little bit. Dude, those old, I got, I got new jokes from Marker. He's like, I'll take the trees to spot. I got a new hour coming up. I got to work on these type of trees.

Dude, those old like table discussions and Louis on FX man with like you and Jim and look, like we're like the fucking, we turn this tsunami off place. I mean, what the fuck I'm freezing. Right, I thought it was me. I was like my old, it was just me. It's freezing.

Oh you said? I was scared watching like interactions like literally on my couch watching it on TV, watching interactions between like you and Louie, Norden and Colin. Like on Louie, like I was like, oh this table is like I felt intimidated watching it on screen. It's like, oh, this certain people,

you would have got fucking eaten alive. You would have made it. She would have fucking, she's 20 enough to make it. Thanks, Bobby. Thanks for having me. She just checked out my podcast. I guarantee you on me. What is all the good? Only fiends. It's not a podcast, right?

Only fiends, my last name. It's a podcast. You have a podcast called Only Fiends. Yeah, well that's it, right? You're gonna come do it someday. I would love to do your podcast. I know, come. By the way, I have to push back on this.

I'm surviving that table. Absolutely not. I'm absolutely surviving. Eric, you're not surviving that table. Eric, you can survive the JV table now. You can survive this podcast. You would survive this podcast. If I live her off a chain,

it's a sad thing. Shut the fuck up. Oh my god You are you want to start you want to tell everyone that you almost gave I did almost give Louis COVID Jesus Christ Eric. I don't know who you think you are I'm just saying what a survive that you wouldn't have if you were under the table Maybe you're not gonna survive the fucking table. I would blow all of them on the table and keep can't even speak shut up Wow, I'm really hung out there, but I like what this is doing. Oh my God. That's what By the way, where's how you had I'm not

I was fucking Eric nimin. I wouldn't have been on you're like, oh the nice white guy the host I'm like Ryan back. I don't know who is it. I didn't know it was Eric fucking new. I guess the nice wasn't the appropriate way to describe me Bobby. Buddy, I'm afraid of this table right now. I don't know what you're talking about. No, this isn't true gangsta dude. I'm not saying I'm not scared of Liz.

I'm not scared of you. It's me, it's a fucking sniper. Jesus. I'm being, I don't know you very well. It takes me a minute. I'm not just gonna insult him. It's not finally. Yeah. Really not me a minute. I'm not just gonna insult him Finally, yeah, really not insult. It's fat. I want to talk about something that fucking Ari I fucking called you one of the regs which infuriated me

Well that day I was hanging out with Lewis and you couldn't make it where were you hanging out with Lewis? We're friends We hang out we lunch sometimes lunch sometimes. Lunch with Lewis. It's other meals. Usually I have to buy breakfast to get him the fuck out of my apartment. Shelby Puerto Rican. Hi. So then he's like, you're not coming. And I was like, I know what this podcast needs.

And me. I got a buyer purpose again. A fuck. I have department. I throw eggs out the door. I don't want to deliver. I got some bacon with a gun of fuck on my apartment. I throw eggs out the door, I get some bacon, I throw it. Cherry's go fucking sauces. Cherry, so belly fat. Motherfucker.

Holy shit fuck. But we had fun. Yeah. No, I was very happy that you made. Ari, Ari did his show, but he took over my show. He got all the rex. And then I could make a suit. They replaced me with her. Oh, oh, oh, oh, reflux. It was a visceral reaction of stomach acid repeating

it to your throat. Okay, yes, yes. Cheetos residue coming out of your face. Fakka Cheetos, what are the balls? Oh, balls. Cheese balls. Cheese balls. Balls, balls, balls.

Listen to me. I don't know, the big gallon fucking thing. She got it from Max's party. Oh, that's what it was. She wants you to die. She does. We got fucking Mr. She got it for Max's party. Oh, that's what it was. She wants you to die. She got, she does. We got fucking, Mr. Jimmy Soft serve. Saw that.

Came up, he's great. Shows up, you can just go up and order whatever you want as much as you want. People are going up trying things. Let me try a root beer. I don't like that. Let me get a fucking. Probably just put his head in and pulls the handle down.

Totally do that with that. I'll say what I did. Just once. I head in and pulls the handle down. Totally do that. I'll say what I did. This was a high fucking went. I let everybody go. And then I went up, but I got a sneaky Sunday. What is this? Like sneaky. Like dogs in the back.

I got a Sunday. And I he they usually put him in the cup. I had him put it in the fucking shake glass. Oh, my God. And I went he goes, he goes, what do you want? And I go, deal his choice. Fucking, he's like diabetes it is. In joy.

I want to lose the left foot by seven o'clock tonight. I was actually looking, you look stilter though. You're doing something. I'm not being, you know, I don't like, like I'm not trying to kiss you. You're not a nice person. You know that, right. All right.

I took the Sunday and I gave it to our cleaning lady, Maryam, who's awesome. Yeah. And it always comes to his, his, his, his, it's Louis Xant. Louis Xant. Louis Xant. No, she comes in, and cleans.

She's the best. She comes and spends the day with us. And I fucking love her. She's great. She took the Sunday. I gave it to her. She covered it and put it in the freezer on the bottom. So everybody went to bed. I put on the Godfather too. Fucking surprise. You're getting ready for it.

And then anyways, they broke out these cheese balls. I don't fuck with cheese balls. Why don't you start with those? You't stop what is in them and so addicted rats No, not him not food not 99 cents for 10 pounds of them. It's fucking It's chemical. It's it's a gallon. It's yeah, yeah, you can put that's them I used to put you can put your tongue on the top and come back with like five of them Oh, they're so good. He knows exactly what I'm talking about. This guy knows exactly what I'm talking about. That is the status. Oh, good.

Oh my God. I've been sad before. Oh, they're good. So is the fucking, when you have fucking lizard and fucking snacks, I'm guessing. When you put it in a bush, it said he Those are fucking when you fucking lizard and fucking stacks And he knows what I'm talking about Moosh is like yeah, yeah, I do every day. Yes. I told her to throw it out today Yeah, you got it you got like oh they get stale too towards the bottom once the air is at them They're not as good. Yeah, it's what you got to bring to the beach and like y'all just definitely a beach

I she looking at him you thought they were surviving nuclear holocaust so it's weird that they fucking they're out in like two months You're done, you know, okay. Here's the thing she let she max had a little snack. See that was hilarious Right through my ears I'm so sorry Liz fucked you haven't That's fine. It's fine. I wanted her to have that moment. I wanted her to have it. It wasn't the moment. It's the reality.

So, I did. You'll survive. You'll post another show. It's fine. Max is like Don. He'll have a couple of them. I'm done. Like, look at a Sunday.

He'll be like, I'm done. He'll throw it out. And I'm so happy about it. He doesn't have my addiction day. You know what I mean? Wait until he gets his first heartbreak. I'm so happy about it. Yeah. He doesn't have my addiction thing, you know what I mean? Wait until he gets his first heartbreak. I'm just fucking cracks. Fucking shootin' up in the bathroom.

Dad! These sluts! So, he left a little bowl out. I walked by, just threw it in my mouth. Within fucking four and a half seconds, I was scooping the bowl, and sitting down watching it, and you throw one in your mouth,

and then you two, and then you're doing three, and I'm letting them melt. Yes, that's the best. That's how you know it's not true. It's just swallowing salt. There's some textual thing that when it goes in your mouth, and it disappears.

It's pretty much as a consistency of styrofoam. Yeah, I mean, it's fucking styrofoam. Yeah, it's easy styrofoam Yep, it's delicious. How do we fucking like you can't take your eyes off? Could you imagine going to Italy with that and going try? No, they make you leave the country here. You have to go maybe like Saudi you have to leave now. We're garbage people. Yeah, 100%. We're fucking garbage. How's that?

Oh, the God, they're thrown out. I'll take chips. You got to take sour cream and onion chips over. Oh, she's full. I'm not gonna solve them vinegar chips. You know what I'll take over? Those I'll take dill pickle chips. It's, it's, oh, it's just fucking great. They're good. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's it's it's it's this fucking great

Listen to me Makes a fucking dill pickle chip. You make that Your ass pick on Instagram the other day fucking outrage You should be fired. You should be from what you should be fucking you should be You should be fired. You should be from what? You should be fucking, you should be. I'm gonna get fired. What are you gonna fire me for? I don't know, man, you know, fuck,

she put an ass thing on, look at that fucking thing. Yay. I wanna just empty a whole gallon of cheese balls in the air, I would. I just pick up five with your tongue. Yeah. Just keep it like, fuck, is that thing? That thing's fucking our ages.

I had COVID, I had not during this picture, but I like, you know when you need to. That thing's fucking our ages. I had COVID. I had not during this picture, but I, like, you know when you need to. That thing tears COVID. What? How many blue checks fucking commented on? Your ass. That's all blue check. Yeah.

Your ass looks like an asshole. Like little, let's see. Oh, the pucker. Yeah, the little pucker. I think it looks like a heart. Yeah, you got a fucking smoker, man. No, I thought this was a smoker. Shit, no, that's a real smoker. That's a real smoker.

That's a real smoker. That's like we're 20, 25. I would take that over your face. We're growing every day. But your ass comes to your fucking mouth. Yeah. What are you telling? You're leaving soon?

What's going on? All right. I left you a ham sandwich on the bottom stair. Yeah, that's a ridiculous one. You just wanted because Rich Wallace doesn't add it yet. That's a ridiculous. You just want it because Rich Follas hasn't had it yet. That's the only reason you want it. Listen, I'm a cigar bar guy and all the guys,

am I cigar bar and fall, this bitch is on my show once, they're all following her. They never comment on anything I do. I never see a like or a heart. It's all on her shit. I got a lot of your pictures sent to me. Oh yeah. Just random comics. Yeah, yeah, they start going. I've never seen you naked. They circulate. I got a lot of your pictures sent to me. Oh yeah. Oh, just random comics.

Yeah, yeah. They start coming. I've never seen you naked. They start to get... I've never, I've never... Is that a dare? No. That was a lie.

That was a lie. That was a little lie. That's a little... I've never seen a fucking... That's a fucking all out lie. It's a fucking first... So I first not admit... Yeah.

Actually, this is weird. You have a or girlfriend nobody nobody. He has a lot of random horse Letter random horse really you get in checks. No, I'm not really dating. It's more like meeting them rooftops in Brooklyn Yeah, rooftops. Yeah, that's how we almost gave Louis COVID. I thought you were gonna say that's how he disposes of that Yeah, that's how he almost gave Louis COVID. I thought you were gonna say that's how he disposes of that Why you know he has that like a rubour ray thing going where like no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no the same sort of method of horse. What's your method? I just, I don't know, I meet people I like. And I was like, so cheesy. Aren't you have to date Jewish girls? No, no, no, no, I prefer not to. Am I dating?

If you were to have a girlfriend that she have to be doing, I've met your mother. Yes, she does. My mom wants me to get married at this point. All her standards are fucking bad. Do you know what the best thing is? There have been times his mother will call the club and be like, is Eric there?

I swear God. She's the most amazing woman I've ever had. He is amazing. I'm only 34, that's why she's still doing that. What? She's amazing. Jesus is about to get away. Robert, his mother is life.

She is amazing. Do you live with her? No, no, I don't live. How old now I can't live with her? Where is she from? She originally from Long Island, but we're on New York. We're on New York? No, no, we're all in New York.

So my mom lives in Brooklyn Heights. I live in Manhattan. Oh, you live in Manhattan? Yeah, I'm a breeze. What do you do for money? How do you have all this money? Dude, I'm doing all myself. My family's, my family was literally pulling on me.

I'm not saying that you were given anything. I'm not giving anything. I'm wondering how you... I'm gonna give them something. I'm doing well instead of giving you something before that. So I'm thinking, I'm making money in standup. Tick tock. So you'll make...

Tick tock, no man. I didn't make top. Tick tock, explain this to me. I'm using the fan, dude. I didn't really believe it. It's a deteriorating, go ahead. She gets so mad that I'm doing the road. She's so angry.

Listen, talk to me. Because she misses me and she wants me at the club. That's why she so mad that I'm doing the road. She's so angry. Listen, talk to me. Because she misses me and she wants me at the club. That's why she gets angry. I'm doing the road. You're right, Liz, okay? That was just my mind. She's going, okay. New water or you're good?

I'm fine, thank you. Okay, make sure you're okay. You're dark looking at it. You're like, I'll eat it, mom. You're good. You're dark. Dude, everybody makes mistakes. Like, you're asshole.

It's not bad. It's a good thing. I love her. Nice and clean. Yeah. That's all. It's not bad. It's a good thing. I love her. Nice and clean. Yeah. Ventilation. This is dark and then it gets white with the edges. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. My eyes. I'm gonna show myself. I love the chair. You almost fell off his perch. I'm gonna wipe your eyes. You're crying. I'm just crying over the time.

I just spat. I feel bad Just leaking. He's not crying. He's dying Or mush Good so what do you do? I started during the pandemic I started just posting clips on A TikTok Instagram whatever. Okay, TikTok fans come out man. I Okay, well so how you you go and tick-tock, you post what clips?

Crowd, usually crowd work. Mostly crowd work. Mostly crowded because you don't have much of a... I was gonna... I never written a joke. I never written a joke. No, dude, a four-talk.

I got three hours of material. I'm just going on a Liz's television. I do, you have three hours? Yeah, it's like three hours, dude. How much good? It's like, relax. I told you. I told you, Liz, I like relax. If I told you,

three hours, what? Liz, I love Liz. If I told you how much time kind of doing in front of SD, like if SD was watching Max from a mountain time. Oh Liz, that was a bit, Liz, that was a bit, I knew she was gonna love it. Liz, you're right, Liz, are you okay?

It was choked in my latte. It was killed. Oh my God. Are you okay? Yeah, I'll be fine. All right, you just realized I would survive the table back in the day, it's hurting you. No, no you just realized I would survive the table back in the day. No.

It's hurting you. No, no. This is the best fucking hurting you so much. I'm really talking about hurting you. I'm so happy. I'm really talking about you. Wait, wait, wait, wait, here we go. Are you hosting a show tonight?

No, I'm not. Do you want to come by and have dinner with Bobby and I and let's see who leaves crying? I'm sure I'm gonna leave crying. I'm just saying. Anyway, TikTok, go ahead. Okay. Wait, Bobby, what were you saying? I don't know. I'm just saying. Anyway, tick tock. Go ahead. Okay. Wait, Bobby, what were you saying?

I don't know. I don't know. Do you want to get started? Do you want to try it? If you post a lot. I'm so glad Liz didn't know I was here. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I think this, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa?

¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa?

¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? ¿Qué es la cosa? So socks

You fucking pile it up. You pile on relax You got it, buddy. She's gonna listen to's just go. She's gonna turn on you. I know she will. I'm waiting for the point. I'm waiting for the point. This is a bitch in the diaper. No, kids, she's so good. She bit me, but she'll bite you in a second.

Yeah, so no, because I'm hosting the seller all the time, I'm mostly doing crowd work. So I was like, oh, fuck it. Like, I'll take all those clips and Liz, who is generously, who as mean as she is to me, has been very, very lovely to me. Did you give her the clip without the watermark? Why ask for those now?

Okay. But I chop them up into like 20 second clips. Right. I'm like, yeah, I'm at like 405,000 on TikTok. Wow. And 400,000 what? Followers. So, okay, now I just started a TikTok thing.

This kid, it's just hard. Who's doing your TikTok? Just kidding. Jared and Florida. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. And one of them got like half a million. It's good. And then the other one got like 48,000. That's good too. Why is that good? Because wait till you get 2000 on one and start appreciating that 48,000. No, I want, I want to have a million. How often is Jared putting shit on? Why is it a week? Should he do more TikTok?

Three. Three a week? Yeah. And, but, but, but, any club anywhere and fucking do an hour after anybody. You're one of the fucking, big skilters. Now, you gotta go in and do crowd work at the club. You don't have to. So when the club books you, are you gonna be able to headline?

Half and half. But are you gonna be able to headline? Okay, so look, I've had to follow some fucking middleers that are smoking. You know what I mean? Like, what the fuck? And you have to be able to go up at the end and fucking close the show, make it a different show, right?

Are you gonna be able to do that if you go into like, if you're just working your own crowds? Now they're more microuts, but I remember, I did stand up for 11 years, 12 years before I started headlining. So I've been featuring, doing guest spots, doing spots, like whatever. Like I'm not been featuring, doing guest spots, doing spots, like whatever, like I'm not, like,

but is it you, are you drawing that much of a crowd? It's just you are people. I'm do okay. Yeah, I did one. And that's what's nauseating. I did one. I did, I did Cubs in San Francisco two weeks. How fucking nauseating is that?

He did Cubs in this go 170 on a one's off of fucking TikTok. That's fucking infuriating. Whatever. Why is what? Guess what though, Bobby? And look, look, this is what it's all going to do. 170 on a Wednesday off of fucking tiktok That's fucking infuriating whatever Guess what though Bobby and look look Bobby get on the phone with fucking Jared and Florida get a next to fucking clip a week You want to do some crowd work come in you have to do better than fucking tiktok Newman That's it you're one of the fucking killers do you have a, but I would not be, why would you not be have? I'm in his fucking watch.

And his dumb real estate beard. Oh. Oh. You should have told me. You should have told me. You should have told me. You should have told me. You should have told me.

You should have told me. You should have told me. I'm like, I don't have any ammo on this nerd. That's what I am. She's a bum. Bum. That's not bad. That's a nice like. I'm like, I don't have any ammo on this nerd. It's not even. She's a bum. Bum. Bum. That's not big. That's a nice white guy.

That's a solo job right now. That's a nice white guy. That host. It could have been mozzarella. I didn't know. That's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. So why at this point would you only refer to me as the nice white guy who hosts?

Because that's a fact. He doesn't know you. Nobody can think of a bit of yours. Nobody's open. Hey, would you get that shirt? No, it's opener. That's one of his bits. because I didn't know you nobody can think of a bit of yours Hey, would you get that shirt? That's one of his bits Nice hat All right, where are you from? Really

What what what that's your mom? That one got two million I know I got two million got reshared 19 million time. Okay. That's your mom got two million. You got reshared 19 million times. That's your mom. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. That's the best.

He's cracked it, guys. Listen, he's cracked. If you bitches are cracking it in, I crack him. If you bitches are cracking, I see his eyes. I deal with too many bitches on a deli beach. Oh, man, man, man. That's bad. That's good.

I don't care. Let's call his mom. He's getting mad. He's't care. Let's call his mom. He's good, man. Oh, my bear really is gonna call her. He's good. And ask her to use a house. He got COVID, let's go. Let's find out. She has no idea how sexy it is.

How? Mom. Your mom don't know your bang? At 34? Dude, my mom, she thinks weed is a real serious drug. It is. It is a real serious drug. It's a gateway drug, Eric.

It's a gateway drug. So you have this album out. And it's all crowd work. It's coming out tomorrow. Okay, so it's coming out tomorrow. So it should be out by this comes out. But live, we're live right now. Where can they get it tomorrow?

Tomorrow it's going on YouTube at APM, which is for free. For free. Which is definitely the platform I've had the most struggle on. Really? Hell yeah. But clips are going on TikTok Take talk. I've been good on YouTube has just been hard for me. I'm YouTube has shorts now though. Yeah That's that's being good. No, that's been good But it's just harder to get subscribers. Do I have shorts on YouTube? Do you do them? I?

Can or I do Don't stout a you I do Don't start a you Stand up, but the kid in Florida does Is that what we're saying? What's his name Jared James Jim? So get the clips off the TikTok why can't fucking Florida Jim John? Are you I'm sorry? I'm failing. I'm failing. I'm sorry. I'm fucking mind Why am I I'm not doing I'm not doing enough. I'm not doing I'm not doing I

Have to shows after I do jokes after having an hour of good material They're fucking people are like that's good material and then I have to do fucking improv I gotta put improv so don't take talk and then I have a TikTok Facebook, I gotta have an Instagram, I gotta have his stories, I gotta do a real, I gotta do more reels on fucking YouTube, suck my dick. I'm done with you fucking people. Yeah, but don't fucking follow me. Don't fucking do it. You know I'm getting the fucking special for free. You're gonna pay for it. Don't pay for my special. If you don't like it, suck a dick. I go get Eric's free one on YouTube. And fucking hand it, and fucking every other asshole as a free Joe. I'm free for not gonna have you fucking free specials.

Yeah, free specials. Fuck you, my fucking five bucks. Oh, my. I'm a show my asshole. We were doing a fuckingumma asshole. We were doing fucking podcast. Cole Assopro, the sister. Five, fuck Bobby. God damn it.

Oh man, I think there was real castans of I'm right there. I really liked it. That was great. That was awesome. How do you feel? Damn, I feel a little better. Like a new woman. I'll have to give that thing away for nothing.

That's a good thing. Hey, shit. This is the new thing. Free special. Do you find that the crowd that you attract is like looking for to be worked? Do you know what I mean? So that's the one thing is like I make sure

that I open every headlining set with like five to seven minutes of just material. OK. Because I'm like, I'm like, I'm doing what I want to do also. You're not just getting what I don't care if you only know me from that. Like, I'm also doing what I want to do. Sometimes there's a little bit of a phenomenon with people coming out to see maybe podcasters or certain people that didn't really do stand up.

They sort of just got some followers via a podcast. Yeah. And then they can kind of like sell out shows even at clubs and stuff. And then they'll pay attention to that comedian podcaster. But then when the other comics come on stage they like look at their phones and like talk to each other. I felt like at Skankfest that they were more into the podcast than they were on the standup because they're podcast fans. Right. They're not stand up. Like a lot of them were, you know, Skank fans, like the phenomenon of the

Everybody together and all the as opposed to stand out jokes But here's the thing if you want to be known for something put that thing out Real estate hands yeah He did this early if you want to be no I'm putting my suit on I'm putting my suit on I'll be right back. Let's talk about the crown molding in this Living room shut up Eric no, I can get you a studio at a better price than this. Oh, can you free 99 you got better than that Above the comedy Greatest club in the world. Yeah, I said it right is club in the world right here. Oh

I said it right is club in the world right here. Oh Monologue poach Bobby Bobby out of this Let's go Can we stop having this discussion about whether the stores like there's no question What I know you listen you're not we're not side tracking off of you. I know you wanted to bring up some L.A. You just said L.A. I didn't know that. You just said L.A.

If you want to tell everyone, he was just an L.A. Were you an L.A.? Yeah, it was just an L.A. But the seller... Not the fact that... The seller's been a brand new today. What? The analyst is gonna break you.

He's been breaking me for three fucking years. Oh my god, this is what I'm doing! This is what I always do without, Eric. Let it out! This is safe. She won't give. Let it out. This is safe. She won't give me a fucking hug. I don't want it. She won't give me a hug.

She'll hug everybody in front of me. First of all, I'm going to say right now, Eric, I don't trust you anymore. Why? You have a fucking high cheek dimple. So it's cute, right? I don't know. I don't like high cheek dimples.

You don't think it's cute at all. Highlight fucking, look at the regular dimples. That's what they go. It didn't make you feel weird or something. Let me see it. That's a high cheek dimple I don't want to come back I just come back dimple look that's a skull you're gonna rip me off at a real estate deal yeah so wait I'm a straight shooter man I really am listen so you were just in LA I didn't do the store I did a I did a California

comedy club Emilio's Club. What is that? Oh Emilio's so-one's club. Yeah, and L.A. It's a good room man. Where is my one-minute room? Silver Lake. Oh, it's way out there. Yeah, but it was good. That's good. Yeah. So now you're doing these shows You got you put your your your your thing coming out tomorrow look at both the girls I'm trying to You're you're you're think coming out tomorrow look at both the girls I appreciate about me try me I mean so man I'm how mean is it? What man up motherfucker. Are you serious? So me I would tell

But you're a fine as whole He tried it. But he's tried to roast me. I just be like that so me No, listen listen. I'm like, I feel like that's really unkind. Do you roast stop looking at that? I can't just laugh Karen. All right. Go ahead. Go ahead sir. What That's not the only thing contagious. Oh, baby. Come on Let me ask you question. So you almost killed Louis again. Yep. I did almost kill Louis.

Yep. Why did you almost kill Louis? Because I made out with this girl on a rooftop when I was doing a show. And then where? In Brooklyn. No, no, it was the penthouse that Emilio had on a journal. So you Emilio's boy.

Yeah, Emilio's my manager. He's your manager. I mean, Chrissy Deer is only two clients. Oh, Chrissy. It's a stuff in her. Disaffin' her. Okay, great. Yeah. All right. It's my manager. He's your manager. I mean, Chrissy Deer is only two clients. Oh, Chrissy, the stuff in it. Disafinal. Okay, great. Okay. Yeah. All right. It's my boy. Okay, cool. And you were making out with a chick. So during the height of COVID, while we were doing the chalk table shows, the upstairs and the olive dude, dude, I bombed every day, every day. So this

asshole after one of the chalk table shows goes to do this show on 23rd Street, find some random fucking COVID whore and fucking just like sucks or face for hours in the height of a pandemic. Like just doesn't know this bitch at all. And it's like, yes, but in my mouth, let's go. Why? It's like, do you have COVID? I'm trying to kill Luis.

Three days later, come to your open. Yeah, me too. You were Amy Schumer. Is like do you feel that I'm trying to kill Louis three days later Me to the former comes to the seller already feeling shitty Sit across the table from Louis and is like oh no, I'm good does a show Shut the fuck up. You don't know you were sick. He went to the emergency room after the show So you're telling me that an hour and a half earlier, you didn't fucking know you didn't feel well. Where'd it go? I was feeling a little weird, but then I was like,

feeling a little weird. It's the height of COVID. Oh, men are like that. What the fuck is that? I'm not. Thank you. I feel anything. By the way, you accidentally defended me.

I just don't know. Did you catch yourself? You accidentally defended me? You guys are like, I think. If I feel anything, I'm like, I want to stay home. And my wife's like, get to work, fat stuff. I need that money guys are like, if I feel anything, I'm like, I want to stay home. And my wife can get to work fat tough. I need that money. I need COVID.

You're not Billy Burr. When I used to work in an office, like guys would come in all the time, grunt, like, you know, like, so sick. I'm gonna tough it out. It's like, no, you got us all sick now. I hate comics because I'll take my hand. Just leave it to that.

Stay with me. Stay with me on this one. I hate them because they show up at the show. It's just the younger ones. Okay, because they have to. Because if they don't, first of all, they need the money. Yeah, and they think they're gonna lose their spot. They're gonna lose their spot. So when they get a little sick, they'll show up. Yeah.

All they have to do is get their own microphone. Yeah. All they have to do is get a cover, take it on, put it on, all they have to do. But they'll just sit in that microphone, spit into it, and then we go up and just being murdered by these people. Yes. Because if you feel sick at all, stay, stay home. Stay home. I mean, especially during a pandemic when people drop on like flies, and this is also

a spot that you're not getting paid for You were getting paid? No, it's the fucking free shit that we did down my heart My heart, I have to share my heart It's welcome to the commie seller sort of that was his opening line every night I have a hold on hold on I did I not did I not you guys ever be on a roof with a chick Dude I did a fucking joke when I remember when that baby was there. Yeah, there was a truck There was a fucking there was a one-year-old in the olive tree That's a gay people dude. I did a Hitler joke the baby started crying

You know, follow me the whole time I did a joke the baby starts fucking Stereoically crying the whole table's fucking dying What we fucking fucking everybody or whatever dude? I'm telling you it was wrong Those were wrong behind behind behind who wrong behind behind the plexing? So you get you sat at the table coughing? He sat at the table. You knew you were Eric.

You just said you felt weird. I was really sick. I would never come in if I thought I was. You made out with random horror fucking four days earlier and then you don't think I don't know. Everyone's getting COVID. Maybe this random or has COVID I just sucked your face for hours. Maybe I might have something to you fucking tool

What? Not much else needs to be said I mean listen, you know you feel in a little something. Yeah, it's in the middle of the November like it doesn't matter when you know Yeah, it's in the middle of the cut. And he's got it, dude, it's November. Like, it's as a matter of... It's November when everyone was getting sick again. I can't. So you knew you had a little comb, and then Louis got it. No, he miraculously, he didn't. This asshole left the cellar that night, then text me,

I was so sick, I just went to the emergency room. I started having a fever like, where after a while. An hour after you left, no. You went to the bathroom. 10 minutes after a while. That's a lot. Three seconds before you left. no. You went to the bathroom. 10 minutes after I left, that's a lot. Three seconds back before you left.

Two days before I got there, I had to leave. Listen, Eric, be honest right now, you sh- I didn't always, I sorta got it in my mouth. But you didn't feel good when you were at the seller. I was starting to feel a little bit. Look at me, look at me. I was starting to feel bad. I was starting to feel hurt, look at the side, look at me.

I started feeling bad. Keep your eyes open. I'm looking at you, look. Look at my temple, look at my temple. I hate a high, look at my fucking temple right now. See? See? Freaky to me. So you felt at you look you look my temple. I hate a high my fucking dimple right high Cheeky temple freaking me So you felt bad at the cell a little bit. I started to feel bad at the cell And then you like I got covered

I think and then I left and then I like in the uber I was like um bad So you wait a minute you got sick from the front door of the cell in the uber is when you felt bad Dude when you're out with people and shit like that you're not like Yeah, when I was by myself. and shit like that, you're not like, when I'm like, when I'm taking it in. Yeah, when I was by myself, I was like, oh shit, like I'm not feeling well. Yeah, I'm always fucking pumped up at the table. Yeah, it's a table.

I was whipping me up and so, so awesome then now. By the way, I knew, Ron on, oh wow, fucking Ron on, the charisma. Woo! Dude, what a conversation. The Godfather was a good, who was a great movie.

You know, and I really love the killer sunrise. That was, that was the greatest movie ever. I'm not gonna get that. Dude, fucking Ron on message is me right when I have a coke, wherever he finds that I have a coke and he goes, dude, you weren't there tonight to open the show. I had a fucking open. That's what he fucking message is.

He's a comic. We don't care about you, help. Yeah, fucking, make it easier on me the show. I had a fucking open. That's what he fucking mess with. He's a comic. Can I wait a minute, can I help you? Yeah, fucking make it easier on me. Oh, I got a shit. I, uh, afternoon, boom. Yeah, because I'm on a new diet. I've been doing, I've been doing what you're doing. What you're doing.

Just eels. He's just eating slimy eels. I eat them whole though. I wish. And they come out of the hole. They eat the shit. On the way out. Yeah, they eat this stuff sucking it up. Hmm. I feel like free the eels. I you know, you haven't seen that show the monster inside.

No. Um, with the multiple personality? No. It's basically people who have gone to other countries have done things. Oh, they get parasites And they get parasites. I love it. The worst one of all, and I am so afraid of it, when I go poop in the middle of the night, this guy was going to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It was unusual that I'm had to go, but I had to go. And he went, and then as he's coming back, he felt something slapping.

It was like, it was, it was her worm. It was just my worm. It was a worm came out of his asshole and was slapping its way back up and it's, oh, it was my biggest fear. That's disgusting. Just to drink the water. Oh my God, muddle water.

That's a bad one, man. You're safe in Italy. You could drink the water in Italy, I promise. Are you talking to Italy? I'm going. I told you, Rome's water is best fucking water. Are you going for the first time? Where are you going in Italy, you could drink the water in Italy, I promise. Are you talking to Italy? I'm going. I told you, Rome's water is best fucking water. Are you going for the first time? We're going to go in Italy.

Well, this is coming out Sunday, so I'm already, I'm going this way. You're there. Yeah. I'll be there this week. Yeah, we're going. But that's your first time there. First time?

Do that's fucking awesome. I mean, let's see, I've been in Amsterdam. I've been to Denmark. I've been to Sweden. I've been to Brussels. Yeah. Next week. Are you doing shows there?

Are you doing shows there? I'm drawing with Louis. The guy you almost killed. Oh, yeah, sorry, dude. Yeah, this is what Sherwood would have never happened. Yeah. Way to go. Yeah, I'm very excited to do it.

It's great. How about Italy's excited, too. Rome can't wait. Dude, that bang, bang episode of Louis, dude, I've watched that like 20 times. It's one of my favorite episodes of TV. Thanks buddy. It's fucking so fun.

I'm looking at you right now because these two girls fucking hate the episode. I'm just saying, I'm like, are we talking about parasite again? I'm just like, I'm thinking it's fucking lit. It's off the neck. Wait, hold on. Jesus Christ.

I'm gonna give Eric the chapstick. So he can just piss, fucking just is fucking at what he does. He does it with SD. It's literally like there are times he's at the table. I'm like, take the chapstick as whole because your lips are so connected to our ass and it's winter.

What the fuck? This is the, oh, this is the assassination of Eric. This is why you had to tell me it was Eric Newman. Buddy, listen, I'm trying. But I can't fight these two vampires. Yeah. All right, listen, I can't, we're on number.

We're somehow on number. What's we? Yeah. I'm just a regular day walker. I can't talk to this. We love Bob. I didn't even look at them. And I felt, you felt the energy. energy when you said did I love the bang bang

I felt twenty time. I literally felt just range like shoot down into the vagina back up into this room. Yeah, but like, did you say bang bang bang bang I'm a fucker. Shut the fuck up. Or seated. Oh my god. That's great.

Mochi got chapstick. Come onstick come on changing baby. I'm not I like something I say he's holding He's holding his dreams like I don't know I'm trying to keep you guys gonna break a fuck with that This is gonna break a fuck with that Not breaking me baby. He's like this young man. I'm not Baby one more time. Oh my god. Anywhere that episode phenomenal.

Okay. Okay. What my favorite fucking episodes, dude. Thank you, buddy. That was a. Mm-hmm. I don't know how to take it. I feel uncomfortable.

No, you bitches work on me. What do you want him to say in this moment? It's like Eric that means so much to me coming from you. Coming from you, Eric TikTok. Newman. Thank you. That's what you were doing. You're 430,000 fans on TikTok. I mean so much to me coming from you Eric tiktok Thank you 430,000 fans on tiktok yay

Great episode Bobby great up man. That means so much sure you I'm sure no one's ever told you want to hug right now. Should we stop? Everybody hates air. What's the name of your special but enough about me? Exactly. I don't like that. Why but enough about me? It's hard to name a special. Hey, where is Karen?

Do you have a special? Karen? Yeah, my little brother. He is on system. No, no, no. You have a special. Oh, it's shit. That almost never happens shit.

That almost made me feel special. That's not a special. I'm gonna be a real papa. Yeah. Oh shit, that almost made me feel special. I'm gonna be a real pop-up. Like glizzes, dogs. Wow. You fucking said, do you have a special? Yeah, I have a little brother that's fucking got lots of, what do you say?

Oh shit. You don't have a special. No, I'm gonna though. What are you doing? Soon, probably within six months a special. No, I'm gonna though. Why are you doing it? Soon, probably within six months. Okay, in New York? Yeah. Is it just stand up straight?

Just stand up. Yeah, yeah. I'll do it at the stand, probably. Yeah, everybody's got a crowd-work thing though. A candidate just released one. Mad Dog. Mad Dog's, I mean, but it is, it kind of annoys me, but I'm old.

So I don't know, you have to take with what I say with a great assault because- I'm a big J-Start did his album, How Long Go So? But if you look on TikTok or Stories or Reels, it's stand up and it's just comics doing away from, oh, what's she from? What do you know it? And she does it.

And it's not not funny. You know what I mean? But it's people I don't even know these fucking people. I love it when they post a clip and the audience member is Funny or than that. Yeah, I'm like what's that guy's handle? You stink Eric you should tag those people. I'm not saying fucking knew. I was so mad. I wanted to shut it down before it happens because I knew it was fucking coming. I don't follow you. So, I have no idea. You gotta stop.

I'm gonna just hit my face. I'm gonna try so hard. This is like a protein gig shit, too. It's gonna be a solid as shocked. You're gonna be a righty name on the wall with this one. You go. I'm not even having to wipe my ass when this one comes out I'm pinching off like a pop that's healthy so no I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm

used to my whole life I'm totally I feel better I feel better as the guy getting shit on. That's my home. That's home. That's so, so, no, but they, I can't host the movie. I just feel the weight of you to just, you're like fucking eagles. Try another one. Looking over a river of salmon. You know what Bobby needs another compliment.

You. You. You. Bobby, there were other episodes I liked also. It wasn't just that one. It wasn't just that episode, dude. Lizzy, Lizzy. So who filmed this?

It was for the festival in New York. New York comedy festival. So you got this thing. So how did you filmed this? It was for the festival in New York. New York comedy festival. So you got this thing. So how did you do this? Because I know I can do crowd work. I love crowd work. I used to do crowd work at the seller when I hosted. But my crowd work got better than my jokes.

And I got scared because I would go back into my jokes and they would never as funny as that. So I had to like quit doing crowd work and just go back to jokes to where I could make it seamless. Like a lot of people like, did you make all that up? No, most of that was jokes with crowd work and I kind of bring it all together.

But people are doing just crowd work. How do you, how do you fucking know that's gonna work? Just take a risk. How long did you do? 40. A risk fucking COVID cancer over here. 40? Such a risky guy.

So you, wait a minute, that's a special's an hour. So this is the thing, like it's half-bowder, right? You're the other fuckers. Bobby, flip out again. Attention spans. I do that rant with fucking, you gotta fucking just post that little rant. That rant you heard on fucking TikTok

and Instagram did that rant. How on fucking TikTok and is it? I remember that rant. I'm gonna keep looking and take a look. I'm gonna get it. I'm getting it. I don't get that feel. I'm gonna use that cat look at her. If I look at her, it's coming. It is.

Because you know what you did to me. You know what I did. You did it. Wait, sorry. Go away, wait, you're doing half a special. Yeah. You're doing how many special Those specials are rarely one hour One specials are rarely special That also

I actually said that in my special, I came on and I go, this is special. I was like, these people are fucking here. I was that by the way. I did it out. I did it out. I did 90 minutes on the first one, and I think I did 85 or something on the second one.

Wow. So it's gonna crunch it down to an hour. It'll cost me over here. But, yeah. But this new thing where people are just doing halves, just half the nose was what, 35 minutes, right? Yeah, maybe a little longer, I think. I saw the first cut was like,

but he did a different thing this time. He didn't do, he was like storytelling with it too. I saw a little bit of it, a little different thing. I have no problem with it. I think people, like something. of it, a little different thing. I have no problem with it. I think people... But it was like, they were bits. It's a lot like sort of how you have certain bits that are stories. He sort of had the same sort of flow going on. Right, but it's more of a, you know, it's like Berk does story with these bang, bang with

these buttons on it. You know what I mean? It's a style of comedy that I think was created that people are doing now. It's, and it's, like, let's be honest, it's a little more palatable too, than just going up there and being fucking nuts. I mean, Jervais just got out of his special, and they're on him, right? Now, do you hear his joke?

No. What are they on him for? He's like, he's like calling, like, he's like, you know, the original old women. No, he goes the old school woman. Now those fuck it all. You know, the ones with the wounds and the vagina. Those bitches.

That's fucking dinosaurs. Because I like the new woman. You know, I want the penis and the beard. And then the guy's like, yeah, but what about him? Doesn't make him a woman. He's like, uh, his penis. Yeah. And he's like, her.

Her penis. Why would you let her use the bathroom? Why would you let him use the bathroom? Her, her. What if she raves me? Her, what if she raves you? She, you big it. Yeah.

But I talk to a friend of mine who's trans day and they don't fucking, they're just like, look, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. I'm done with it. I'm done with people's smash and so it't fuck it. They're just like, look, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. I'm done with it. I'm done with people's smash and so it is fucked up. But I was like, look at it. I don't like it when I'm fucking, I'm a fat motherfucker.

And I get made fun of all the time. And I hear people callin' a big fat people. You know what I mean? I hear friends in mine say shit like that. Like to me I get it. But when they're talking about fat people, like fucking like away from you, like you watch it, see it, yeah.

Like they said, I pod. I don't. I don't. It only, it's only with nails. There's never a pod of anything else. There's never a pod of shit too, a mice. You fucking...

Podcasted. But I feel bad when I hear that, but it's like... For the regular facts, the tarfats. But the trend to try and meet. You're a tarfat. Bang bang up. But the trend to try and meet. I'm glad I came in.

I can't... And all my compliments don't work. You're a staff at my office. You think my compliments worked? We know they did, it's fine. I just go to, I get it while they get, it's like I understand it, but you gotta stop being,

let, if someone's gonna make a joke about trans people or fat people, a gay people, stop it, move the fuck on. Cause they're gonna make them, and people are gonna laugh at them, and people are gonna get over your shit And you need to get over it too. You don't take it so fucking personally. It's a joke I understand they take it personal, but you gotta you gotta be like look they're trying to be funny That's the way they're funny right like women women say shit all the fucking times never funny

Mostly but Don't win. Oh, wait look at women talking about guys the way guys are this way shit all the fucking times. It's never funny. Mm-hmm. Mostly. But. Don't win, man. But wait, look, women talk about guys the way, guys are this way. I'm not gonna sit and go, fuck women. You don't know what you're talking about. I get it. You're coming from your perspective, what you think is funny. Move the fuck on.

Right. You can choose what comedy to consume. Isn't that a bit weird about now? Specifically now. It's the only time you can do that. Yeah, you can just, yeah, everything in life. You don't like this, you don't have it. You don't wanna hear this, you don't listen to it.

But it's very funny that Ricky used to tell. You don't follow me, you don't wanna consume. I'm blocking you after that. You should do it right now. I don't get, I can block you. You still get all your pictures from all my friends. Yeah, that's fine, I don't even have to. I don't think that's fine.

Is that a compliment? I don't know what that was scary is, but that was. Is that a compliment? I don't know what that was. That was scary. That was just straight. That's talk. Yeah. Dude, your high dimple showing too much. Straight. Stop. Fucking high dimple. Listen though, you're right about that, right? But it's funny to me that people, all these people who have a problem with what he's saying now about trans had no problem with when he was shitting on God. Right. Right. They were like, yeah, Ricky. Yeah when he was shitting on God. Right, right. They were like, yeah, Ricky.

Yeah, I'm an atheist. Yeah, fuck God. It's only offensive when it affects me. That's it. Exactly. And now you, but it's also comics and rock stars now. How do you guys feel? People make kind of super models.

It's like, leave me alone. Super models. Oh, okay. I was kind of trying to dig on that. No, I got it. It was pretty good. I liked it. Oh, okay. Let's kind of try to dig on that. No, I got it. It was pretty good. I like that. Thanks.

No, you on your phone? What do you do? No, I'm my dog's daddy. Oh, you're a dog. I think you're scratching your bush or you're trying to get your phone. Didn't we have that conversation last week, Bob? Oh, he's nothing there.

I've been thinking about, I got a fucking rod in my sleep for the first time ever. Oh! I had a fucking dirty dream. Morning, really? I had, but no, I woke up from acid reflux and fucking sleep apnea like six times. I'm so, I was so exhausted.

You're dreaming about eating cheeseball. And no, no. You woke up with a boner. I had too many cheeseballs. Fuck that whole canister. My husband, my dick was this wide? You're fit in my canister. Oh my god. I was so tired.

I was so tired. I was so tired. I went back to sleep and I think I hit crazy REM. Yeah. That I had a sex stream that somebody said porn to my phone. And all this porn was coming up and I was watching it and I woke up with a rod. Yeah, isn't it weird? That's an extreme.

What I do with it, I have a fucking eight year old watching Henry Danger in the room, I fucking buried it. And when I had a tuck it, cuz I had a pee and I don't wanna pee through the seat and the things were to tuck it down. Does that hurt? Yeah, when you have a rod it does.

Not when you, no one you have a little softy. Wait, someone sent you porn? No, it's in the dream. You listening to me. Oh, I can learn it's marriage. What's wrong with you? I do not know, I started thinking about porn. Nobody sends me anything.

And I'm very mad about that. I have friends that are ugly in the me and less successful than me. They get shit sent to them all the time. What do you mean, get shit sent to them? Like kids and vaj. None of my fans send me anything. I get, I love Dawn. They love my wife. Yeah.

Dawn's so funny in your Instagram stories. I'm like, boo, show me a tip. I love tits. I'm a nice tit pick. Not a big tit gun. Really? Like I asked way better. Really? I like a butt, but I like a nice hot tite. Like all kinds of titties. They're like big ones, saggy ones. Maybe you don't get them because you call it that. I like volcano titties.

What's that when you're sweat? They look like a little volcano. Oh, like a, like a, like a, the not formed. Oh. You're like 17 year old titties. Never been a bra. 18, 18, sorry, 18. Sorry, I got a crystalline. Oh, sorry, 18, sorry, I have a crystal.

Oh shit, or nine. You thinkin' come back now? Of course he did, because he didn't do anything. No, no, but the 15 year old thing wasn't real? No. Oh, okay, I don't know. Is he in jail? I don't.

Clearly not. No, he did not think. They were assassinated that whole fucking group over there. They tried to take everybody out and they fucking failed. Thank God, except for a couple people. But I mean, I hate all this shit. I mean, obviously 15 year olds was true.

That's total game. What does your end game? What do you mean? What do you want? I'd like to get out of here without crying. That's my end. Is that possible? But I'll think of something more realistic.

What is your end game? My end game. I mean, I'm gonna be one of the biggest comics in the country, too. Sorry. I don't know what to tell you. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, like how? Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, We want to the fattest comics. I'm gonna eat as many cheeseballs it takes to me be one of the fattest comic Bobby are you stories? Bobby's about to take a shit maker's in your career Bobby's about to

Bobby take a picture of Eric's career while you're in there Wait is he still my club? I hope it's a floater. I hope it's a floater. Oh my God. I hope it's a floater. I hope it's a floater. I hope it's a floater. I hope it's a floater. I hope it's a floater.

I hope it's a floater. I hope it's a floater. I hope it's a floater. I hope it's a floater. I hope it's a floater. I hope fucking charging my fans to see this. Not putting my shit out for free. Geez. That's Christ. That round was one of the best.

Eric Newman, that's your end game, really? That's your end. I want to be a little more realistic. What's happiness? Happiness. Be a little more realistic. That's my- Do you want to be on TV shows or do you just want to do stand-up?

I would like to host a TV show, but- Like a host. But I definitely- Like a talk show or like a game show no talk show definitely talk show so game show okay that's what I meant by talk show game show when you ask me talk show game show and I said talk show I meant game show yeah that's where I hope there was an intercom reality let's be realistic like a who's you not handle the fact that you believe in me believe? You can know what I believe in. You can't handle the fact. Oh God, yeah.

I do love you, Liz. Okay. I do love you, Liz. That's great. I'm saying it publicly. Jesus Christ. You want to, do you want to tour forever? Yeah.

Me forever. I definitely want to tour for the next like 10 years. Okay. So like after 43, what do you want to do with your life? That's a good question. I think I'm going to have to get married and have kids at some point. Yeah.

So just give it all up, move the suburbs become mode. Oh, well Marry a man and I mean I'm afraid my Bobby that was really fucking rude dude It was really you asked me we're getting into it. I'm getting a whole much. I talked about bang bang while you were gone I'm getting a whiff of mediocrity I just shit a stick. I just shit a stick. Is it a little squirrely? I had to get that.

Good, I just shit a stick out. Like a noodle? We think something. If I didn't, Liz just made me hit my face. Liz, between US Insertity, which made me sick to my conscious. Literally, I was going gonna throw up a shit And Liz's pure disdain and then Karen's fucking like she just saw the most amazing I Oh my god

Dude in the country Oh my God, dude. In the country, at least the captain, you know, the world. The continental United States. What the fuck? Wow. Well, listen, man, crazy. It's a fact. I have to live.

So listen, nothing crazy. You're the mom. I hope you get monkey paw. You'll show up in a host. I of course he will. Like all the folks. Tomorrow your stuff's out by now, right? It's out.

So check it out. And they go to check it out. We're gonna go, we're gonna go to the Patreon for a couple of minutes after we're gonna end the regular show, but I want you to plug your stuff before you come. Just follow me on Instagram at I'm Eric Newman. I was pets, he's got lucky. You find my pet. That's Liz. Look at Newman. I was pissed. He's got lucky

Look at Liz Free and so cold up here The second I put it on Don't run the fun. Okay Tell us you have an fun The lights behind the car and the movie isn't real lights that just Life bombs we now don't rule the illusion. You're sweaty fucking This is a tough one Where's it gonna be shade again on on my YouTube? What is that?

Fuck we just changed the name, but just follow me on Instagram at iMark Newman. All right buddy. Take tag at iMark Newman. I've always been nice to me. You've been nice to me too, but and you specifically only a bag. I also didn't know your name about four hours ago. So it's okay. That's fine. She's the minus on planet Earth. I tell you, anybody. You didn't know you had any person last name. Anybody who thinks the mean has not met Liz. There's no comic reader than Liz. Dude, the best is when a comic will be like, they'll just get past the seller and they'll be like,

my god, Liz, like fucking hates me. I was like, dude, I've known Liz for three years, she still hates me. Like, there's just fucking right in out, bro. Like, nothing, what else can I tell you? You tell America these places That was sincere that was definitely sincere I Know bullshit from sincerity and that was definitely so

Thanks That high-dimple So check that out good Good luck on that. Thanks, Mom. And that's great, man. You know, good for you. I hope you want to be in the Biggest comic in the world. I just I just want to be working comic I Have you ever Real time Literally you just made him average gel you wait for one of the best in the country is like I think I'm gonna put in a

Bells it you spill this week I want to do some bar shows man I just want to do a few bar shows here and there you know get some time to the pair I can get a free drink out of it You know it'd be great, you know I to the pair. If I can get a free drink out of it, you know, it'd be great, you know. I have a shit again. All right, listen. No, no, no, I can't. Clench it. Clench. Not off your fucking cheeks. Clench. What do you got? Follow me on Instagram, Karen Fien, subscribe to my YouTube channel, which you can find my podcast on only Fien's. Also, my cartoon is up there. It's called Karen Sucks.

Karen, the cartoon is awesome. Thanks, Pauveen. I loved it. I loved it. I think I retweeted it, I think. I got a couple episodes. So we got to work on another one. And then, yeah, you know, come see me at the stand. I'm opening for Norton and Elk Lvinney's the first week in June. Yeah. On other stuff, come on. Hilarious. She's toured with Bonnie.'s got her her podcast out her cartoons fucking great she's kicking ass right now she's one of the regs I guess you keep saying it are fucking hard just makes it so that fucking thin he he's my favorite is one of my best friends I'll keep that out. He is thin. Hello, Murray. He's my favorite.

He's one of my best friends. It's funny, like Joe and Lewis were kind of like nickel and diamond each other talking about how they should pay people on podcasts. I know how should we pay people to do that. And then Ari just comes up like wads of cash for everybody. He's like, here you go. He's rich. Ari's not rich.

He's a generous. He figured out how much money he needs. And the extra is extra. Yeah, yeah, yeah He lives he lives a meager lifestyle. Yeah enjoy that water. You get that for this podcast F***ing whipping in your hands. You know, I make money every time I come here, Bobby. I know you do my fans fucking love Middle-aged dudes Salt to the earth you guys keep driving

He plumbing the Italian American Club, the Liste and Club. So God Republic, keep her up, like fucking off of. And Liz, of course, I'm here. I'm at the seller. She's at the seller. She is the foundation. She keeps it alive. Don't tell us. Not, well, you asked the as too. There's a lot of people as do you know I'm known one either all the Val You know all those people but that love lives. She's the best so funny

We're gonna do extra patreon right now. We're gonna go there stick around. It's not over yet This episode of YKWD is continuing now Exclusively on patreon.com slash rubber Kelly See you there. Oh shit. All right, listen guys. That was a fucking great show I want to thank Eric Eric Nice host Eric no Yeah, nice ways of it. Eric. Eric thing Eric you're fucking awesome. Thank you

But Eric Newman You look like hip Newman Like 90 like hip come on You just killed it you whipped a dud out listen you flat chested fucking big ass I love getting called flat. You're really crack me out. The best boobs ever, I love them. Oh, thanks.

All right, Eric, yeah, new albums out, go to YouTube. Yep. Check out his TikTok. He's crushing it. One of the greatest comics in the country. I didn't say that. Soon to be. Soon to be.

I said, it's my goal. You asked my goal. Fuck it, dude. Achieve it. And then secretly hate these things. It's more about these chatty cons. You're the fucking bring you down. You make sure that you're the man.

Okay. You are a fuck. You're a rag god damn it. You're one of the rags. Uh, check out the Carrots podcast and all her stuff. She's hilarious. She'll be with Norton. What are you gonna be with Norton?

The first weekend in June, right? Or the 10, or no, sorry, 9th and 10th. Is that the first weekend in June? Maybe. Uncle Vinnie's, Jim Norton. I'll go Vinnie's. Yeah. I'll point pleasant.

Yeah. Love that club. You gotta go see that show. I'm excited. You gotta go see that show. Hilarious, and one of my favorite clubs in Jersey, if not my best club in in Jersey to be honest with you Dino's awesome and of course Liz

the Runner of the seller the mastermind and we got mush bush just sitting there perched. Yeah, he's port. He just look at him. Just fuck Oh, look at every actor in the godfather Just all you fucking you you gray skined Fetzal. I, I mean, one day I was going to turn there, he's just going to be dead. It's so true.

It's going to. It's going to leave him there. No, we can't. We have to, I'm not lugging him down. We have to get fucking nine of the bounces. I'm getting all the Mexican to come up and get them. You're gonna throw them out the window like a piano. It hit the oning. Don't tell.

And then we got of course jokes, Russell. Check out his chisho. mozzarella. mozzarella is a chisho. Him and his wife soon to be by the way. Oh, getting married. When are you getting married, Maseram? October 1st. wife soon to be by the way. Oh, getting married. When are you getting married, Masha, Ram? October 1st. Nice. In Buffalo. Beautiful. Nobody's going. You're still going to have to wear a vest. Like bullet because of the yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But he he won't. Rosebud's ex-boyfriends would.

I like that one. We're fine. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Uh, anyways, uh, and of course, new Nicky's there. I'm Robert Callie. This has been the extra Patreon. Thanks for being a member of the Patreon. Support the channel and support me.

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