Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Ketchup Spit

Episode Date: January 29, 2018

Bobby’s joined by Jaye McBride, Jared Freid and Joe List for a talk about crazy football fans, comedy audience attacks and places you can put your finger! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the Planet Birds. This is gonna be a claustrophic. It's podcast, it has no rules. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? No, that's so f**k. That was trying to keep it like a comic head.

I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down Yeah, and sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 no topics no directions. I love doing it Side to the coin Want to do you think my podcast is popular? I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on lightcast.com. I'm a guy who's like that. I'm gonna fucking rock six years. Longer than that. Some of the seven years, eight years. Thank you. Some of the best comics in the world have started on this fucking podcast and going on

to do great things and some of them haven't. Why do you look at me throughout the entire sentence? I did. Because you're one of the comics. All right. I've been on the show for... No, that All right. I've been on the show for. No, that hasn't. I've been on the show for almost six years.

Yes. Marshall be six years. Really? Yes. It's crazy. It is crazy. Welcome back. Thank you. I've gotten married since then.

I've gotten married and that's it. What are you, my co-host? I've got to fuck. Six years, Bob. Let me grab some coffee. I'll be right back. Six years, you've been. I know.

I remember. I didn't. I didn't ever like you., I know I remember I didn't I didn't have a light you That hurts my feelings. I don't know what you say this every time. Okay, because when I first met you There was so much hype around you hype and then you opened for me and you fucking took a hot one You keep saying that's it's not true. Absolutely true. I was at a carat first of all no one bombs at Caroline's You know it in 12 you took a fucking hot one. No, I was good working with us to that bombed I don't think so maybe that's who you're thinking of. Oh, I killed no, I remember watching your second one. I don't get it Literally and then You wound up coming on my show a couple of a year and a half later you got sober you wrote now

You want to the funniest guys on the planet? I was drunk on the show for almost a full year. The first time I had him and Soda on my podcast, I used to fill that fridge with beer. I looked, they drank a case. I'm not kidding. We weren't even done. I looked over, there was just beer bottles on the floor. They were sipping them like we're at a fucking a frat house. Yeah, it was crazy.

I never knew you as like a drinker So it's all anytime I hear about your drinking days It always feels like a different way like I'd never even met that person. Wait why met you at 13 step and I was hammered briefly really yeah, yeah, you were just hanging out though like it was like a thing We were like, yeah, I'm a comic or whatever No, I'm drinking I have a drink this month. Oh, I'm not doing this. Yeah, I'm doing the sober January. Just want to reset. I was like, you know, you got a big dick drink.

Yeah, I wanted to like shed some pounds and eat right and take it, you know, kind of like get back to a normal calendar. Must, and I just have a willpower. Yeah, fucking confidence. Waking up, eat, not meal, not drinking, a lot of water. God, I hope you're good. I got a 90s like little mug that gets me a quart a day. It was his goal to fit in that shirt today.

Paul Verzi looks great. Thank you very much. Paul Verzi, by the way. Big change to Paul. Paul, be trans. That's not that big. You guys know. You guys know.

You can tell. You know what, Wigs. He turns out that's that big you guys know you guys know I know you could tell You know I wigs Paul's listening what the fuck what the fuck did I go to him? I know this fucking Jerry can't come a times. I'm a nice to him. Hey, yeah, this I'm a nice this have I'm a nice this kid We bonded over sneakers Versi-pression is also your Joe Pesci impression. I I like. Thank you very much. They're close. I got it. Show this like this like different. Yeah. Um, anyway, I did great at counter lines. You didn't you that's a tough way to meet so in the first time though.

What? Like the first time they're like, you know, and then you like you had a hot one like that you'll never forget that. Oh, I'll never forget it. You'll never get to give it a shit. You better say he can't remember it. Oh, I'll never forget it. You'll never give it a shit. The better say he can't remember it. Oh, I killed.

Where'd you drawn that? Did not kill. We need someone. We need a third party because you have both have too much to gain. Someone who saw that show. Don, yeah, she didn't like either. Oh, that hurts.

Come on. Jesus. No, she walked out, she went, eh, and then went back to the courtroom. Oh, boy. Well, I agree to disagree. But then it came on the pod, killed, and they said, we can't have the show without this guy. They're still saying that. They didn't say that. But

they, a day and they said that about, um, you two together, yes, now your course, joy, love you the best. You know, what's going on tomorrow? Yes, I do. What? Tomorrow is gay pride. No, it's tomorrow. Wait, tomorrow is leaf day. No, it's lead. Tomorrow is lead. Reminis. It's lead. It's leader day. Where you become a leader and you take people under your wing and you lead them and do stuff with them. No, it's lesions day. I have aids. No, it's lesion escapes. You know the guest star?

Me and soda. You should come over. It sounds like YKW did to me. That's what I'm saying. You should come in and pop in. You'll blow their mind. I can't pop. How am I going to pop in? You drive down. No. All right. Fine. I'm leaving to where you going. I got a big gig in Chicago. She's gonna wear my aunt. You're gonna be at the left factory in Chicago. Actually? I got a big gig in Chicago. She's a little where am I at? You're gonna be at the left back to me in Chicago. I actually have a private sober gig Thursday night for Fellow people. Oh nice, you know those are the best chose not to partake the quitters Winners the quitters really bugs me when people do say that just the fucking cuz I don't like to quit because I'm very competitive Don't quit that I'm gonna drink. Where's that fucking booze?

That's my fault I like the idea you go back there. It's just dildo dildo dildo dildo dildo. Oh whiskey here it is I used that the way it goes though? I should go to the whiskey whiskey, Dildo, Dildo, Dildo. He said he quit drinking, not dick. All right. Oh, yeah, never quit that. You just got back from Hartford.

Yes, hard for Connecticut, the funny bone. Actually, you want, I get very, I get a lot of anxiety who's going to be in the middle who's going to open. Oh, it's like, fuck me. Club was great. Shows were packed. Oh, so say fuck me. Club was great shows were packed fan showed up. The MC was a girl. I think gross.

I'm gonna do two minutes. I actually fucked up. I walked in. I said, listen, the middle guy, I said, I said, listen, he's doing 20 and she's doing 15. And he's like, okay, cool. And he left. And I went 15. I just left it. Who were, who were their names? Um, Rebecca, something and, tomorrow, a, jaw, I don't know the fuck, what the fuck was his name? Uh, okay. I don't know. I forget. I forget. I have. I forget. I have a full year old. They're actually really nice and they did great. And I was very happy. They did their time.

They were nice people. We're gonna have the girl on the show. She's from New York. She's, uh, I think her name is Becker or something. Nice. Becker what? Can somebody get on a computer that I paid for with the keyboard and type in fucking Bob Kelly and Figure out who was with me this weekend. I'm stalling it was two days ago, right? You're talking two days ago

But they can go on something they don't have a Rebecca Huh, they don't list the people they do I don't know Right hack hunt, heart for a city steam. I'm gonna come up, that's my nickname on the reddit. Hack hunt. Here she is. I was up right away. I wanna know who it is now.

She's very cool, she's very pretty. She has a great joke. She goes, I was getting my asshole eaten for the first time the other day. And my dog jumped up the bed and I instinctually just started patting him. Really? Yeah, because I, she goes, because I like him more.

And then she goes, and then he came up and winked at me. Oh my God. And he goes, almost like, I like that too. Like a dog and her had a, had a moment. I thought it was funny. It was a really good. You ever got your ass licked? You ever went into that?

That was my thing. That was your thing. Dude, I used to put my leg up like the fucking Captain Morgan's bottle. You can eat. You can do. Dundee you? Eat that ass.

I told you, I have that joke in my act. I got so into it. One time, I had my legs over my head. Yeah, I've had that. And I went, eat my pussy. Yeah, eat my pussy. Yeah, lifting that fat ass, eat the pussy. Yeah, I was like, yeah, lift a neck, back, eat the pussy.

She went like this, what? Wait, it's like, yeah. I had a girl, I was with a girl and I had one girl that was the blowjob with the finger and the butt. That's like a burger with cheese on it. Like that's like the king of blowjobs. So I don't know because a burger with cheese on it is standard.

It's got a burger with like, so like, okay, so bacon cheese. Yeah, there you go. Bacon and cheese and like an egg, a sunny side up egg on top. Like it was like, it's like an ultimate experience and then I heard and I like ended it and then I had that moment where you're with a different girl, you want the same burger with bacon, right? And then it's like, I haven't reviewed,

we haven't gotten through, she's like, we don't carry bacon. Yeah gotta be gonna play that that ass radar when they get down they throw on your balls yeah yeah and then they go down the underneath you and not you like oh you gotta let them know they get a little oh god god god god right there fucking eat my pussy yeah and then they know what you like so by the way how does it come across we say like are your nails trimmed on long the nails are better let's let's get crazy here you know how I'm like Yeah, and then they know what you like so by the way how does it come across where you say like are your nails trimmed? Longer the nails are better. Let's let's get crazy here, you know, how do I fucking cat? I mean she can fucking not move it around you know, you know, you have to itch

All I can think of is that well and science of the lambs broken fingernails in it Yeah, that was that slice up one of your Reids it's just a shoot blood out of your My asshole has initials on the inside of it. Yeah. Jamie was here puts the thumb in the asshole that gets the hose ago. Yeah. I had that moment where I did say to her, I was like, put your finger, not

both fingers in my asshole. And she did like the wait, wait, what? And I had that moment, just like you and I was like, never mind. You know, and just like, we've got old Asian massage lay. And she goes, Ha, ha, ha, ha.

You want, you want in bomb? The problem is though, I'm like, shh, keep it down. There's gosh, you want your bomb? You want in box? I relax, relax. It's okay. The thing is,

when your man want nail in bomb, when you're married, though, it's hard to Suck away laughing out by the bathroom. He's back. She a bum and another girl comes in. Yeah, they bring in the the finger girls. What's the most number of fingers you've had up your ass? Seven.

Two-handed. Like it was a scene from coasts. She's making fucking ceramics down. I had a girl doing three-man-based coastshines. It's like shadow puppets. No, I used to like to get... My thing was I like to be on all fours. Yeah, okay.

What do you laugh at? The fuck is that? Why are you shaming me? I used to be on all fours. Hands in knees, you mean? Hang on. And that fucking gig. Hands in knees.

He's not like a dog spreading out on the carpet. I used to be on, yeah, hands in my, you know, fucking yeah. And dog gives this and I used to like her taking it, taking my whole clock and nuts from behind. And, and, and, and doing it that way. Oh, that's a fun play. Well, how did we get here? Yeah. Yeah. Parenting. What the fuck did you do, Jay? Well, I know because I'm like to think of my, you know, like I, the ass play for men is like in now

I know it's in but you missed it. I feel bad for you Everybody my buddy and it's I did it was taboo It was taboo when you did yeah, but I was out with it taboo. Yeah, but for you must you are like, you know The Rosa Parks for this stuff. Yeah, I've asked play. Oh important than Rosa Park. Yeah, you We need to start putting you in the history books because you trailblaze for a guy like me to comfortably get on all fours and be like, you know, milk the cow.

You're talking about the back of the bus. That's it. Yeah, get to the back and lick my ass. You're as much of a trailblazer as the woman's finger was. Thank you. Well, we're blazing trails. But don't you find in marriage, it's difficult to do this.

I can't have my wife fingering my, I do a bit about this. And then we have to segue to like, all right, let's go get some groceries. Stuff with a wife. It's got to be someone you're not going to see again. You eat my pussy and then they leave and then like, well, you're definitely not going to get Ethiopian food. We got to eat my hands. I got it.

All right. That was a thinker. Yeah. I thought maybe for the second hookup, you'd be a lot of shitting. That's what I thought you were getting that. I didn't get it at all, but they laughed. Yeah. Well, because we have to be happy or hoping whatever they call it. Yeah, whatever.

It wasn't for everybody. No, different stocks for different folks. I didn't see the audience today being Ethiopian food types. They all laughed. Yeah, they got it right away. They see more like red ball and extreme energy drink types I'm sorry that Jared's being insulting to you guys sorry I think you all are cool cigarettes that one is 40 I don't know I don't

know I'm going for whatever I can get here I got Paul Verzi in my ear won't shut the fuck up so I'm like human speed bump I'm trying to get in on this as Thursday coming. What happened? He was in the tweet. He's been looking at my figures all day after that. He's just like, oh, how long are those babies? Your nails are fine. Thank you. What is right?

Any longer on my mouth. Just no more jokes for the gormons. I guess we should say who is here. Yes, we're going to go through here. Let's go through the list, Michael. We got Joe lifts, the truth right here. I mean,'re gonna go through you. Let's go through the list, Michael. We got Joe Litz, the truth right here. I mean, I should probably go last, I'm gonna go the last week too. I mean, it was the last week too. You are the name of Brian.

Game of Bride from Albany. You are now living in bus. Yeah, are you back? I'm in bus. So you're back. You went to LA. It's LA. I hated it. Of course you do. it of course you do you know one fucking likes Everyone now. No, it's not true a lot of people there's certain people like burn went to LA fucking love did

I love it. I mean went to LA love the certain people that goes to LA and they love it But the certain people are just East coast. Yeah, it's like you can't call like you call like out here You're like yeah, you're a douchebag, you know, like yeah, okay, and then out there like what what do you mean? Yeah, you know, yeah, they don't, yeah, it's just a different vibe, but it's not your vibe. So you're back. Yeah, my brother had a great saying about it. It's like in New York, they say, fuck you.

What do they mean? Hello, and L.A. they say hello. They mean fuck you. And it's like, that's fun. I thought that was pretty fun. Oh, it's interesting. Yeah. Not funny.

Ha, ha, but I'd give it. I'd give it a Norway nod. I'd give that two fingers. Two fingers. Jared would too. Yeah. So you have roommates. What do you do? Yes. I have one roommate in Bushwick. Yeah. So yeah. And how do you meet them? My look at the chest. Is that what I'm doing? Are you? No, you got these babies. They're here. You got brand new boobies. Look at that. Yeah, when did you get those? Before I went to LA. Really? Classic LA move. The classic got to get good for LA. I trimmed my nails and got my

boobs on. There's a body for LA. I shaved your bush fat, trimmed your nails. And I want to be a supermodel, little montage. I shaved my bush and started at my belly buttons like I got it down so you know I'm nice. Oh boy. Nice, you know. No, I got it was kind of funny. I went to get the booth stuff and he I was just like say to the doctor. I was like I was thinking like a bee made a small sea like right we'll see about that. Really? And then I was like yeah okay so they're like a double d-no.

Jesus wow. So he made you he gave you bigger boobs than you wanted. Yeah, which I'm fine with actually. Does it hurt your back? How's the back situation? That is fine. It's fine. The only thing that's weird is like I used to sleep on my side. Yeah.

You know, now I can't do that. I have to sleep on my back. Let me ask you a question. You sleep on your back like, like all the way on your back? With my legs over my head. That's what I say. The bobby Kelly style. Yeah, that's right.

Fuck it. I was just about my neck and maybe. Yeah. I just had a. I'd fucking blow myself all the time. Really? I would yeah suck my dick off. Yeah, for sure Okay, I don't know I don't know what I would suck. I would I'd be like Clint Eastwood in a fucking bar Spittoon every hill co-bath and pting yeah Spitton come all day long your own How visual We're gonna spit and got be a spit and come club. Yeah, hey foul is Floors all sticky

I never I never use the medium-sized towels in a hotel anymore. We went too far. Sorry the M size tiles and a hotel anymore. We went too far. Sorry. And then we have J Train Jared Freed. Some of us can move on to J Train. I like Mike's nose for the show. I, he had a good feeling about that. Mike put all of his energy that he's ever had into that.

You have J Train Jared? Yeah. Freed. I felt like I was at a, at a black club. J Train Jared Freed. Give it up this next guy. Yeah, I felt like I was at a black club. Day train. J. Hurt free. Give it up. This next guy.

He's like, he's like, he's getting paid more. Get up. Virtues. He's a little drizzle. Next to Jamie. Brian, we got the J train. Sharon free. J.

J. Just one question before we go on, because is, do they have to know I mean he knows that That you're trans right? Yes, yes Boy that paul verse he jokes and I was funny now is it No, I was kidding You trans pope That's it no No more figures.

I'm a friend of the trans community. You're not getting fingers. You're getting the whole deal. Okay. I'd love to see if you guys I'd love to see you find a finger. Yeah, he'd take it. He's a man. Yeah. Two fingers. I told you every guy takes it.

No, not every guy. Right. Yeah. My grandfather didn't. He's a wood. I'm saying. Oh, they're all like, I don't know. I don't know. And then he would listen Rosa Parks.

Yeah. You trailblazed. Let us have it. But did you, do you have to, is that a factor? Is it different for you? Because it is the same exact thing, just the same, just the same thing. It's a little different. Like I do have slightly broader shoulders.

Right. And I think the muscular is a little different, you know. It is, right? I have a question. Do you go to a doctor that specializes in just a regular boob job? Just a big job. They know, because they do boob jobs. They know we do this and we do this. And he knew how much would look good in what it would take to look good.

That's why when he said, yeah, well, I'm like, oh, so he knows it. Yeah, so it's like, I mean, okay, they look great. They do. I mean, yeah, not bad,, oh, so he knows yeah, so it's like I mean, okay, they look great They do I mean yeah, not bad right they look really good. It's like a baby's head. That's how I like Wow, that is a baby head right. I mean it really they're actually bigger than I thought they were now They're like won't you stop being stingy and took that sweater off them? Stitchy can we say that? Can I get in trouble for that? I'm Kelly not showing your tits. Get told for anything, Bob. I know, I'm just kidding.

They're very nice. Thanks. It's a great baby head. I don't want to see them. I used to tell Joe, because like not quite a baby's head. It's a small head, like a Zika baby's head. And that's a knack over one. Did you, now, have you, did you stick?

Because I know when you first get fake boobs, because my wife got them, you want to show everybody. Oh, it was friendly. Now you didn't care? You didn't want to go check out my tits, do you friend? Bobby's trying to trick you right now. No, I'm not, I'm not, I really have to. A lot of people, they take them out of the podcast.

I don't know. No, not really, I'm not really that like. Now you didn't care. Yeah. No, not really. If I got a dick implant or if they had that, we just get a massive hog, like a wills of it's hog. Oh, what I no, really. If I got a, if I got a dick implant or if they had that, we could just get a massive hog, like a will serve it tall. Oh, what I show you guys.

But you got to ask first, Bob, and even if you do, that's still a problem. What? What, I digress. Something. Somebody sounds like, sexual harassment guy, thank you. You saved the day. I need him back on tour, I'm gonna dammit.

All right, well, listen, here you go. I'm gonna lose my house. The house. Harmat. He'll listen, I'm gonna lose my house. I have one house. I'm it. You have a house. B&B. J, J train, a great podcast.

Really great podcast. I was really, you do your podcast at the village underground and I'm sitting there. The amount of hot chicks that go to your show. It's really evolved. I mean, no, look it, thank God you're here. There's a hot girl here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I never get fucked. I mean, I think I have four here of Gabby. Gabby's, look, she's on the show. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, my God, my mouth is sweating. Yeah, well good. I hope it sweats no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no So anyways, Jared's fucking, I mean, the fan base ridiculous. A lot of ladies and I'm very happy. Oh my god, there should be. That's why you've get a tone up, keep tight.

I gotta keep tight for them. Yeah, I gotta do it for the fan base. No, it's fun. I mean, the live shows are crazy because it's all women that came for like advice. I'll give you a tip. Sure, please. I'll take whatever you can just the tip. Robert Kelly, Comedy Central Records, just just up to the knuckle. That's right. That's right. Instagram.

What about it? Stop. You can't go shirtless, dude. You're you're. Hey, let me let me tell you everything I'm doing on Instagram. The more comics hate it, the more I do it. I know, but I know because I think I think I, I think I have been doing something right.

The more people don't like it in comedy, the more it seems to attract people that I'm trying to show I'm trying to how I hear what you're saying You're a little too hairy. I know I gotta get my back wax. I gotta get some take you can't be that Yeah, you can't go from this clean cut mm-hmm All right, and then take that off and you're just a mess. I'm going waxing tomorrow. Please for you. Please okay I hear the advice, note taken. Just get it neat and up a little. Yeah, sure. I still have some guys though, like when you stop shape,

like there's like a line where you could. No, it looks like a guy halfway and he was becoming a werewolf and then the moon went behind the cloud. I do go get the backwax every now and again. Yeah, you know, just like, you know, just like Jay, this is the winter time, and we don't have to have a two-piece on, and you know, whatever. It's like the ass wax, the whole thing.

Yeah, so during the winter time, women don't shave their legs, I'm gonna let the back go. You don't need any hair block in that finger, you know? Yeah, it's like, it's like, it's like, I can't imagine your ass hole. Oh, it's a thicket. I couldn't imagine. It's probably just like curls of hair.

Yeah, not my problem. Like cowlicks in your asshole. Yeah, not. It's like a heel, it's going up there. I've only heard about it. Never experienced it. You just hear hair ripping as a finger goes in your, kkkk.

Oh, come on. Just from the root. Just, like it's one of those fences that are all just like a wit you know all the different plants the ivy growing on it I like how gross we've gotten right away. I know I'm happy we went in this direction I'm idiotic. Oh, it's when he reaches into grit. What's he reached into that thing? Yeah, this better be good good for you Jay you remember this. I take that my old friend. The first bomb antenna is unleashed.

What else do we have on there real quick before we go? Let's talk about our Ethiopian food. Oh, we were talking about? Yeah. We were talking about, oh, you want to call Dr. Steve about the, because you were saying the flu is no longer what I'm going to do. I love Dr. Steve.

Well, I mean, we can call him if you want. Just, yeah, I'll call him. I'll give him his number. I just, this is the thing that bugs me about the flu. She, she had the flu. Yeah. And then what happens is it's like, oh, I'm not, I feel better. Yeah, but you still can spread it.

Still have it. Yeah. When I get it, the sucks. I'm telling her that's why I put the mask on, but you guys, you said take the mask off. I don't think the mask does anything though. Are you nuts? You don't have to be here walking around.

Are you nuts? Yeah, it does. Of course, it can protect you. What's it do? It stops her fucking spit from going in your nose, microscopic. Oh, I want that spit in my nose now. I don't know how to throw up.

So hot. That's what I like, girls, spit in my mouth. What are you, what? Really? Yeah. I've always been like, I've got a drippy spit down in the back of my throat, you know? Not yours, but I'm saying in general.

I've been like, oh nice. Not a snob. No, not a luge, I don't want a booger. You want a green. The booger's, no boogers have taste. That's so funny, did you ever, you have older siblings? Yeah, but that's not where I come from. No, but maybe you got it for like,

what if like growing up your brother over you, doing that spit thing where they let the spit drop down and then like slurp it up? And he like, he let it in your mouth and you're like, why am I hard? I hope this doctor's like really anti-trans. I think that would be awesome. No, doctor Steve.

A New York doctor, anti-trans, they're going to business from Tennessee now we He's fine. Are you did you get him? No, I told you not to be so loud with the thing can you turn that volume down a little? We get messed with that it's reason all up I could There is a loving dynamic between you and Mike. Take him off for the spit. There's no button I can do to turn that off.

That's just the dial tone for the phone. People can hear that tone and just in decipher the numbers. They have his number now. Great. Everyone has his number now. Can they? Can they? Yeah.

I like experts can't like do you house or something like that? It's just fucking war games. Somebody smart. I'm looking at the couch of listeners and I think he's okay. I think he's more than just me. Why are you gonna trash this? I'm not trashin' it. They look great.

It's called a fucking stupid. No, no, no, no, they don't look like decipherers. I gotta say, I wanna hear them spell decipher. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. They look like they know their own sulfur. Steve, Steve. Dr. Steve, it's Robert Kelly. You're on the, you know their own. Hello Steve Steve Dr. Steve it's Robert Kelly you're on the you know what dude your life

Okay, it came up no dormant that's why well we'll call you had a spot tonight. We'll call you We'll call you from the the comedy seller Studios ride cast studios above the comedy sell here. I got a room full of people. I got Jamie Bride, I got Jared Frey, I got Joe List, I got a bunch of fans here. I got- Never heard any of them. That's not true, we talk once a month. You know what I mean?

Herpes. He's kidding. Anyway, good to go. Here's the thing, I just want to get this out in the open. And I, you know, Gabby got the flu last week, okay? Okay, now she's sick. And she cut, I'm like, you're sick. Don't, you know, what are you doing here?

She's like, no, I'm fine. First of all, bug me because she doesn't, she never went to med school. How the fuck does she know? Right? She didn't do anything. But she says, I feel better. You can't get it now, okay? People self-diagnosed being sick, go out and do open mics and do go on the stage,

use the microphone, right? And spread this fucking thing. But they should do a stay the fuck home for three weeks, right? When do you not spread it? Why are we so gone to live too? You know, let me let's to live too. You know? Let me ask you the funny, you stick to the doctor's stuff. So are we safe right now, Steve?

Are we in trouble? No, no, no. Once the fever breaks, you're probably not contagious. And what they recommend is that you can find yourself for a week when you get influenza. And that is, was it documented influenza? Do we know she actually had a flu? She's right here, Gabby, Dr. Steve. I don't know if it was documented.

I didn't go to a doctor. I mean, no. I mean, I would have took flu medicine. The majority of flu-like illness is actually not influenza. What is it AIDS? I have AIDS. Does Gabby have AIDS. Do I have AIDS? Baron Wom. I'm Baron. Am I Baron? Baron Trump. Retarded. What are you? What is the word? What's the

what's the medical term for vagina that's always wet? cool term for vagina that's always wet. Oh, it's not here. So what Steve, how should I get a flu shot or what? Yeah, it's never too late to get a flu shot. Oh, the influenza vaccine is not crazy effective this year. Why? And did you say why? Yes, I did.

The reason is that they have to guess. And what happens is, OK, so in our summer is when they start making influenza vaccines for the winter. And they look at what's going on in the southern hemisphere where they're having a raging influenza. And they say, OK, these are the viruses that they're seeing down. We we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we the stupid fucking blue virus mutate Don't get edgy cuz a jar I was trying to turn up the entertainment on this Hey viruses have to live too

No no no no it's a-it's a listen So what we're working And this will be a game changer is a universal influenza vaccine that will cover every strain And when that happens, influenza's done. Yeah. When, oh, you got autism is not. Thank God. Right.

Because the two have nothing to do with it. I'm going to tell the studio that's what you just said. Because they can't hear you. We got to fix that. They're working on something that the influenza flu will be dead, like polio. We will never get the flu again. No, no, we're we're not gonna but Gabby

Gabby is not if she if she does not she cannot spread the flu then well uh... first off we don't know that she had influence that she's probably a pussy been more than a week she's probably not contagious anymore but look what about her fingers if they went somewhere. I'm not. I'm a jack.

I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack.

I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack.

I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm a jack. I'm listening. He does have a lot of hair protecting it though. Would that help stop the virus? Steve, I'm sorry that everyone's wasting your time here. I really appreciate your information. I'm a Jared Fried is fucking put you on tilt and then tweeting. Okay. Fuck him. He's one of the young cocky comedians. Young. I just say five. How old are you? 32. Wow. I'm young. I just tweeted snore. I I just tweeted snore. I want to let people know. I hope he gets sick on the road and he needs some help and he can't get sick. That's right. I love that one comic because maybe you've been up an actual doctor.

Thank you. All right. Well, Steve, thank you for, yeah. Good hand washing and good hand hygiene will keep from spreading the virus and keep you from getting it. All right. What about Lysol? Lysol, I'm not convinced Lysol does any. That's what I said. What about the hand sanitizers? Yes. Hand sanitizers good. Okay. And you know, we're working in the hospitals to keep her spreading disease by jelling in and jelling out from every room. Right. You know, maybe it helps, but we know that this stuff is trans.

Yeah. I am. All right. That was me, Steve. That was me. Let me get some sanitizer. No, I'm kidding. Steve, you're the best. Thank you so much. Thanks, Dr. Steve. So Steve so she had to wear a mask she could take the mask off yeah i think so okay i did care you guys are three states away well now three three what you did yeah i would see what you did to them what i would have put them on the defense dr. Steve is the nicest guy we know he knows he seems great he's fun it's weird that you put him in slow mo every time he speaks but it's uh we don't.

Oh, okay. You know what? Fucking asshole. We're medicine on riot cast every week. Weird medicine on riot cast, one of our great shows, one of the original shows, and one of my favorite shows too,

listen to, if you're on the road, a weird medicine with Dr. Steve on riotcast.com, make sure you become a subscriber to it. Hit the subscribe button and listen to it. It's amazing. It's a bunch of him and his friends talking about shit in a very funny way, but very serious. Smarter Skies I know, you're one of the smartest guys I do know.

I will talk to you later, Dr. Steve. Like what? Okay, take care. Bye, buddy. Thanks, Steve. Hey, guys, I don't think you guys using my, all you fucking flu assholes using my shit. It smells like shit. Get your own. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy.

I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy.

I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going you to touch it. Now I got to wipe the outside with it. I went like that around. You have the second bottle of sanitizer. I got everybody to take one stand out. I'm gonna take one stand out. I'm gonna take one stand out. I'm not contagious. You, I doubt it.

You have something. Could be anything. I want to talk about this. One Tad out? Let's do a one Tad out show. Come on, let's get it going. Everybody. First of all, Gabby's 19. I'm not. I get younger every episode. She's 19. He's 48. Mike is like one of those ambiguous. He could be 47 or 31. That's it. Or a woman. He looks like a Mexican woman. He's done a beard. What do you mean? Well, I mean, I didn't say that. The Mexican guy said that.

I'm gonna throw up in the smell of fucking hand. What it's called? It's got cucumber in it. It's got a little cucumber in it. It's got like my asshole, little cucumber in it. A little. All right, let's get it spicy here. Let's go into the intros yet. Well, I'll go, let's, because we here. Let's go into the intros yet. Well, I'll a joe list because hey, we keep going

I'm trying to steer it towards some conversation you guys staring back to assholes and fucking suck any chunders dicks and spit the gins out Finally have the truth joe list Yeah How long is the end of that nickname by the way since day one I think I came on and talking about herpes But if I really was going to tell the truth I'd really let you know what my asshole play You like you know like dildos scrap bonds pegging Living up to the truth nickname that's just in the morning. That's just no entry school

No, I'm here folks. How do you do? Comedia jolis dot com multiple appears as unc on Conan Netflix special coming out hot podcast Tuesdays with stories. Big Dick, Herpes, ADD, OCD. I got it all. Look, by the way, you had Jane McBride over here. I had to step in and save the day like a hero. Yeah, I scribbled. What?

You had produced the wrong name. She made a mistake. Me. She was a last minute appearance. She's used a last-minute appearance. I'm sorry. Don't say as a total come up. Jay, I'm happy to have been here. I mean, sorry about this. It's really. That's what Jack does. Well, I just thought you out. I just don't care for the transphobia personally. What are you talking about? Jane. My brother is trans. She wrote. No kidding. No, he isn't. Wow. I think it all back. She is.

She wrote it to me, right? No kidding. No, he isn't. Wow, I think it all bad. She is. Is it a whole witch way? Oh, it was a she? That's right back. No way, really?

Oh my God. Wow. How is this just coming out now? How do you feel now, Joe? Is he single? I feel bad, I feel sad. He's 16. Wait, 16.

16. Wow. Now, is that what happened? Is a trans woman ever gone with a trans guy? Yeah, actually a couple times. There are cases where and someone actually the trans man got pregnant from the trans woman Wow, Bobby people have fucked dogs. We think trans women and trans men have gotten together But your acting like a whole trans woman now I'm not comparing the truth You're always telling the truth. I'm not comparing this fucking disrespect. I'm saying that's much more

Norm I'm saying everything has He's saying no yet dummy the trans he's saying it's a slippery slope. That's all You can't I don't care for racial slurs in the podcast first of all I'm just saying sexually everything has happened. So certainly a trans man and a trans child have gotten together before. Stick her breast out. I'm kidding.

Are you kidding? Oh my God. Okay, I met no disrespect. Look at all the guys, I'm like this. Show over. Show over. Is the boob come out? What the hell happened?

No, no, no. She is kidding. Who is that woman back there, by the way? This is like a hot woman here. I don't get hot. I'm no, she's kidding. I was kidding Who is that woman back there by the way? It's like a hot woman here. I don't get I'm she's not an dismember. Why don't you get it? She's she's come before you have Yeah, I didn't know women could come. Hello folks

Keep trying but hard I finger my ass. They just won't come I keep trying, but how hard I finger my ass, they just won't come. Anyway, I'm here. Good to see you today, Bob. I say it, the special place there. Yeah. Allen's office. There's another worst than being in my therapist and, you know, devolging. That's one of the last five minutes.

I always start to whisper. Me too. Bob, you opened the door and I fell through the wall. I opened the door, Joseph sitting there looking at me like with disgust. Like you heard the last 15 minutes. No, I know you're going to be there because I know you're a schedule a little bit. Once I had the 130, I was like, I know, what could you hear me at all? There's like one point with the music stops because the violins are playing back there.

Well, they got the bows and there's one moment in between songs. We just see it like fucking the podcast and then it comes back on. The music kicks back in. No, they get the bows. And there's one moment in between songs. We just see it like, fucking the podcast. And then it comes back on. The music kicks back in. No, I didn't. We were yelling at each other at the beginning. Oh, I missed that. We were fucking yelling. You really go at it? Well, because he fucking, you know, it's like, like, I'm the only one that's got to be fucking perfect. It's like, you know, this person does this and it's still on me. Yeah. Like I was just talking to Justin about this.

It's like, you know, he's giving these scenarios and when he gives me scenarios, sometimes he's on the fly trying to make him up or push shit together for me. And I'll call, I'm like fuck you dude. You're trying to make something, that's horse shit. That's not me, fuck you. You can get mad at certain things that certain people do.

I can't believe you guys all go to the same guy. That would be too much for me. Well, I should have kept my mouth shut when I met him. And then you were his best referral source. Yes, at the beginning, but then it just daisy chained off of me. Yeah, it was really dustin', shafing. Came to me one time and said, look, I go to the sky. I was in a situation in my life

Where things were really bad your transitioning. No Well, in a life not in a way like you know He broke up with his legs above his head with the finger in his ass all on the side of that cutting his dog things have changed I was this is what I become we I was you know, I I was a things with my. I was, this is what I've become. I was, you know, I was a, things were, my whole life was gonna go one way or the other. Okay, crossroads. Water shed moment.

Sure. Like that one? Yes. I don't know what it means, but. Oh, it means like the water sheds, you know. That's not what it is. That's not what it is. I think the water is, it's when you're,

no, when you're in the tub and your ankles are above your, you know, and you have the hose going down, you know. That's what it is. It's the moment. It's over your asshole and your finger's gonna go in. It's the moment with the water sheds. What? Can you, can we look up water shed, please?

Yeah, it's the moment the water sheds. The water's trickling over your asshole and they're about to put their finger in. It's not trying to bring this back to the sky. Oh, okay, sorry. I mean, you do your eyebrows. Your eyes will do the rest. Ah, listen. Stop.

And this is my windows to the world. Jared's like a foot away. Read it might be out in one night. An event or a period of marking a turning point and a port. Read about the enthusiasm, please. An event or a period marking a turning point and a course of action or state of affairs. Gabby, you've had a period read the origin. I know.

Read the origin. Watershed event origin. Read the watershed event origin. Read the origin. Right there. You have to type it. You have to type it. Look at that.

I said right there like. Now click at the down button. Yeah, I think the down button. There you go right there. See it. I don't think you see it. I don't think the down button. Yeah, right there. See it? I don't think you see it. I don't see it wrong. Just saying right there. I have to pay. Let's give you a watershed moment. Hey, yo, does it have the origin of it?

I'll find it. Call Dr. Steve. I think you know, well, the watershed moment is the well, what you want to do. The watershed was a shed. It was water coming down it. So anyways, you went to Alan and what happened? Viscous, Baviscus. Origin just says water shed and then German for a water fight.

Vatashid. Vatashid. But it should have anything to do. The question, I was, you know, the reason I was, don't you think it gets a little too much that you're going to someone that knows everyone else that feels like they're putting their opinion in, you know, that relates to your world.

It's, you know, the world is too much. He has what bugs me and I caught him in something. Oh, Liz, what I'm saying. I said, I, I, there was somebody I thought would maybe talk and shit about me. Okay. Or maybe, you know what I mean? Sure. And I go, I thought would maybe talk and shit about me. Okay. Or maybe you know what I mean? Sure, and I go I go look man. I'm sick of these fuckers who's nice to me to my face

Yeah, blah blah blah and then behind my back they talk shit Mm-hmm, and I go and you know them because some of them come here and say it to you and he went Well, why does that bother you? I was like fucking fucking no way. Turn the table. I knew it. You fucking talk. A little bit of that is him going, yeah, they do. No, that's why you guys. Yeah, I caught him. Yeah, you're supposed to go, first of all, that doesn't happen. That's not a catch. Why? Yeah, it's not a catch because he would say, he wouldn't say, it's not his job to say, no, they don't, no, they don't, Bobby.

It's their job, it's his job to say, why does that bother you? You have to accept, Bobby, you ever hear this? How people feel about you? It's none of your business. It's none of your business. Absolutely, I've heard that. You ever hear this?

Shut the fuck up, I'm gonna punch you in the face. Not at the same place I heard the other thing. The way you said it, it sounded like it was gonna be like some Asian proverb. It sounded like my mom gave out that advice. How someone feels about you. What happened? What just happened? She gave you a bat signal and you went weird. No, weird. Why did you turn Boston? No, you went weird, dude. I've been fighting it my whole life. What are you doing? I'm looking up watershed moment origin. Well, Jay, he got it. All right. Yeah, let's go. I don't think going back to that's going to help

this show right now. Have anything help. Yeah, I had something there. Oh, what are you looking at? Water said moment like when when trees, when the leaves catch a bunch of water, at some point, they eventually fall. And that the water sheds off the leaf. Yeah, Joe was right. Yeah. For those of you at home that was wondering. Joe was right about There were people not everybody has a fucking ultimate education like you Jared ultimate You're right your right that's true the town's time Me in the couch the community got together It's so funny that people who don't go to therapy don't get it. I the town stop me in the couch. The community got together and so

funny that people who don't go to therapy don't get it. I know I'm a appreciative of you going and I think it's great and you're trying you're working on yourself and that's good. But to me like if I dated someone that was in comedy, it would be too

much and this is kind of like you're dating someone in comedy to me. You're going to someone that knows too much that it's not third party unbiased like that whole conversation you have with them to me. Yeah. Like there's none of that there was someone that's like has no affiliation with all this and is just coming at you from the perspective of like. My guy is more of a is more of a neutral place that I can go and tell another human being anything and have no consequences and not affect my life. I can't talk to my wife about everything. But I'm saying a lot of the therapists would be that way too. But well some of them. I know but some of them are really trying to, you know what I mean,

it's we do work in there but it's when I it's at my when I want to do it. Okay, you know what I mean, it's, we do work in there, but it's when I, it's at my, when I wanna do it. Okay, you know what I'm saying? So, you know, it's good for you, it's good for you. I'm just saying, this is why I'm asking the question. I'm like, it'd be a lot. I'd have all this other, like we, it's someone who's called head trash.

You know, that's what gets in the way of doing things. It's like, oh, you're haircut. Oh. But that's, those things you have to get through to do the actual job. Yeah. So I would think that there would be a lot of head trash. Nobody's writing a book.

No, somebody. But here's the thing, the simple head trash. People say and think that, but the other comedians never come up to me. Like I'm never in there being like boy, Dan Natterman's really a chap in my ass. I'm in there talking about my dad. So like you see comedians when you leave Yeah, but that part's kind of fun. Okay. I don't I don't really I very I did that

Just fucking see what you know they may yeah, yeah, but mostly it's about I mean the stuff I talk about is You know My addictions and the you know this my anger. I'm trying not to be angry anymore plus like you guys are comics I mean comics like it would shut up Jay. Sorry. I'm anger. I'm trying not to be angry anymore. Plus, like you guys are comics. I mean, comics like, we, we stop Jay. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm working on that. Go ahead. No, we comics are together. Like, if you had a, that is a hate crime. But I know. I don't know.

Lower your tone. I said, Jay was the idiot. Oh, okay. Jay. Jay. Like, if you had a problem with Joe, you'd be like, like, if you thought Joe was doing something stupid, you wouldn't bring it to therapy. You a Joe. Let's fucking me Joe. Me and Joe had fight So I mean like I don't think you need to go to therapy for that. No anyway. It's like it's about what you're work And that's what therapy's about finding someone that you can go through your hedge garbage or whatever Yeah, all my all my anger is from my anxiety right. It's it's just all from my anxiety that I used to deal with with you know, sacks and cigarettes back in the day

when I was single. I used to just fucking smoke two packs a day. Button butts. Try to get laid. There it is. Do comedy and have fun. Yeah. And it worked.

Now there's too much responsibility. There's a lot. You're going from no responsibility except my show at night. Sure. To, you know, I gotta make breakfast for this kid. You know, he wants me to tell you, I gotta do stuff. There's, you know, I gotta mortgage, I gotta,

and I put my, this is my life, I made it. Yeah. I have a beautiful life, but you can't see your beautiful life when you're looking at somebody else's sure and Compare and despair. It's hard. Yes, it's hard to Yeah, I never thought you could make your most smaller. Don't ever do that again. Whatever that was Okay, you mad at me. I'm getting a bad vibe. Did I hurt your feelings? No, I was just kidding. Oh, jeez mad at me I'm getting a bad vibe. Did I hurt your feelings?

No. We're just kidding. Oh, jeez. I love you. I got to do a double session this week. But yes, it's, you know, it's tough. Because I, you know, my wife will fuck. God damn it, man.

Who's she fuck? Shotman. You just said my wife will fuck. I wish she would. I wish she would fuck. I watch Bobby have the funniest, like, dad moment. The Patriots were on this on Sunday. The AFC championship and I look at Bobby and he's like, I got to go to the park.

I got to take the kid in the park and I go, the game, like it was out of a sitcom. Yeah. And then he goes, no, I got to go. He doesn't want to watch the game. This the whole year old. Yeah. No, he just wanted to speak. He knows he's got to go the park I got with a long-haired fucking hippie kid and a fucking Vietnamese kid wait It's like you don't know but he doesn't watch football We want to we he wanted it look man. Can we watch that video of Max saying poopy?

Oh, man, I watched it every day literally every day Oh, the poopy. Oh man, I watch it every day. Literally every day. Oh, the poopy thing. Please. Did you two Instagram? Can he go, no, I did, yeah, I did. I mean, I've probably literally watched it. I'm not joking, 125 times. Joe and I keep commenting on each other's comments.

It's amazing. Sarah and I act out the whole thing. I know it word for word. Okay. Well, you just passed it. You passed it. It's up in the middle right there. I put it back. poopy. All right. Popcorn. Turn the volume up. Happy new year. Happy poopy. Oh, say happy new year. Happy new year.

You too. No way. Yeah. I didn't. Happy new year, everybody. I've been doing everybody. I've been doing you. I love my kids. That's the best. That's like his, you know, they will be blood or something. That's like his masterpiece. That's so good. That's as good as it gets.

Oh God, do I love that? What's so funny about it is you ask him if he tutored. He says no, but then he goes, yeah, I did. Like he couldn't, he didn't feel it, he didn't hear it, he didn't know it, he had to smell his own, he knew it was his brand, he's like, yeah, it went. It's amazing. It's so good.

It's really great. The one. I went, I came down for brunch and if, like, man, if you live in New York and you, you ever come down to the cellar brunch, I was like a saturday night. It's great. I mean, it sold the fuck out at two o'clock in the afternoon

Uh, and the food is insane. It's good for it. And uh, I came here with the fam and uh, Yeah, Max went on stage with Jeff Ross. Max went downstairs. Just went right up on stage. Just rain up on stage with Jeff. It was he was hilarious. Um, but yeah, it's like, I gotta go. I gotta fucking go. They were like, we gotta go to the park. My wife says, let's go. And I did say, you know, what about the, literally, what about the, she literally tilted her head.

So, like, you were crazy. Like, what are you fucking dumb? And then I sat in the park with my kid, you know, I couldn't even check my phone really. I had to check, I had to really sneak that in the score. It's like, I was on the podcast. You know, you couldn't even check my phone really had to check I really sneak that score It's like us on the podcast Well the Patriots won and they're going to their eighth Super Bowl in the last six years and I'm fucking nervous 10th I'm glad I don't have tickets if I had tickets to the Super Bowl I would not fucking go also dealing with Philly people that't go. I was hoping it was Minnesota just because,

and listen, Boston, New England people aren't much better. They're the same brand of a different, but Philly people have more energy right now because they haven't won. Yeah. So they're energized assholes. They're the ones.

They can speed up. Well, this is a long time ago, but two weeks of this shit, and you have you watched all the videos of the Philly fans, they're're they are animals and in like a Did you see the video the guy running for the train? It's the funniest video you've ever seen in your entire fucking life and they are it's just gonna be a long Two weeks of fucking and then they're the underdog so if they lose they can go

Yeah, we're supposed to lose and if they win they can go fuck you Give me your balls Let me squeeze them and crush them under my hands. They had a grease the fucking pole grease the balls You gotta watch this video ready. This is before the game. He's trying to get to the game Oh The fuck that's big Jeff It's taking the fuck that's big Jeff Just the way he's running is hilarious. Yeah, like the train's gonna stop. Yeah

For him some guys gonna oh sorry mr. McGreeby fucking stop There's some guy from like they had a Greece West Philadelphia driving that train. There's fuck that whiting They had a Greece the polls in the city So people wouldn't climb them after the fucking after the game. There was a dune buggy that drove up the stairs that Rocky runs up a dune buggy. Where are they even getting some guy punched a horse in the face and it was the second time in a row. Like horse punching is now a thing. In fill in fill it. They're so I don't want to deal with them. This kid though. This kid right here.

Yeah, that's the horse puncher. That's the he this fucking kid. Look at him though. That's a scroll down. That's a Philly body. Yeah. That's like back. That's a Philly body.

That car he can lift a car. Yeah. But he's still out of shape. Yeah. Yeah. He could fucking he could knock out a horse with that Philly. Sure. Look at that fucking melon.

Look at him. He's bleeding. He loves smiling. That's his dad with him, by the way, who's holding him, telling him, he's telling him, this is what he's saying in the video, just get down son. Just get down, listen to the cops. He wouldn't do it. He's, these animals. We're going to have

to deal with him for two weeks. So that's the, that's the worst part. Philly fans are, are, are a tough breed. It's listen, man, they got a, I'm scared for the, I mean, if they lose this game, it's going to be a nightmare in Minnesota. That town is going to fuck. They'll be hiding. They listen to Philly wins off the call in the National Guard to fill it out for you. Or maybe a Minnesota too. Well, the people that in Minnesota though, they won't be as wild because they bought tickets and shit. It's the people that are fucking at home. But there's people going to Minnesota just to like be a part of it. Right. Philly. Listen, man. There won't be New England fans. When they went, when we went, remember

when it was, we went to Houston, the Patriots in the Super Houston, and they played the Panthers, right? Yeah. Oh, three. I was almost Philly. I was, I was, I almost gave my tickets up. It was Philly. One of those next years, the next year. Yeah. But that year was almost Philly. And I was like, I'm not going if it's Philly because I'm not fighting my way out of this fucking stadium. Yeah. And if you see, they were throwing full bear beer cans at dudes with their girls, they do snowballs at Santa Claus one year. Yeah, that's their like claim to fame. Those buffalo fans are animals too, breaking the tables and shit.

But it's something about the buffalo fans. There's some more heart to it. Like they're doing WWE entrances and they're doing stuff to like, they're doing the, what's his name? Ultimate warrior entrances and jumping into tables and you're doing stuff to like they're doing the what's his name ultimate warrior Entrances and jumping into tables and you're like thank you. Okay, at least you're not like harming other people It's just it's like that drunk guy that just all of a sudden just starts flailing arms and you're like I don't want to be Around this whirling dervish dude. I don't want I just wouldn't want to fuck with Philly fans at a Super Bowl

No, I would not win or lose. Yeah, I'm afraid of it. I'll it openly admit. I just don't want to fuck with Philly fans at a Super Bowl. No, I would not win or lose. Yeah, I'm afraid of it. I'll openly admit I just don't want to be. Yeah, I'm, I look man, I know Boston people, we're fight, go when not, it's totally good. No, they're the same asshole, different color shirt. But not not as crazy. There's energy in, in Philly.

That's what I, you know, there's loser energy. Ha, ha, ha, ha. The bill, yeah, here's the bills mafia breaking the table. I don't know how this started. They just died through. This is now their thing. This is their... This is just, but this shows it out there.

They're bozos. What is this? This guy's got a whole network. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Now we're going to fall, raise up! We're going to fall, raise up! Intense break! Sharp it in! I What a pussy It's hard to be a team three times so there is I Chittis has nothing to do what we're talking about Fucking bills fam proposing And up here? Huh? It's at breaking tables.

They didn't do anything. Wow, fuck the tables. We're funny than the tables. Yeah. Let's take tits out. I'm sorry. I'll start. Listen, sorry.

I'm really pushing for this. Two for a kid. Let's see the other one. I don't understand this, though. What the fuck is going on at the... How the... Tailgating's gone out of control. Look at this.

Look at this. That's crazy. This is crazy How the fuck is this how is this okay? And if I saw my friends doing this I just leave the game No, it's an idiot, but I mean that guy should have a broken face. That should be a broken face See now they're look at it let the table on fire What about the last guy? He's on fire good good now there's alcohol over him. It's rolling There and it's bills fans doing it to bills fans. Oh my just let it there

Fire that's their own fire. No, it's not like Billy where they like Oh my god, I can't watch it. Stop. Just take it off. I don't want to watch it. I don't like people getting fucking hurt. I find nothing, I find nothing funny about people hurting other people. I know that this is, oh my god. No, it's crazy.

That's crazy. That's not the thing for me. I watch someone getting punched in the balls all day. I can't. No, I can't. I can't. They're competing with a party they've seen on the internet. The internet has added steroids to this whole debauchery.

If this shit fucking turns you on, you're fucking moron to me. You're terms of being honest. Seriously, if you can watch this shit fucking go. I understand the guy running, hitting the ball. Okay, I'm an accident. This shit where you're actually taking one of your friends, your friend, one of your good friends, picking them up and then stone coal stunning them.

Well, next week, fucking table is ridiculous. Next week, there'll be a video of people doing that running into a pole thing on purpose. Here's a thing. That's what's gonna happen. I respect the Philly fans more, because they're just nuts. They're beating people up.

I respect somebody fucking beating the shit out of someone. Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit. You beat my team. I respect that more than taking your friend, lighting on fire and smashing it in your face. And then high-fiving afterwards. Yeah, what the fuck, what kind of lake effect shit is that? Yeah.

The fuck you, I know you're bored up there, Buffalo, but get your shit together. You're winning one time. It's crazy. We need to let them win. Yeah, we. They're fucking losing their mind in Buffalo. This is so to do, they never won one half.

Yeah, but they're not fucking lying each other on fire in the parking lot. Oh, they're nice. The fuck did this happen? It's the fuck kind of people are they? It's fucking ECW in the fucking parking lot. She's right, Henry. I fucking Buffalo needs to get this.

Someone that needs to be a fucking intervention in Buffalo, give them at least a championship. Not maybe not the Super Bowl, give them the fucking chips. Well, there's one for and a right. I watched this type of thing happen. I went to Penn State and I was the tailgate Zara for my fraternity. So I used to set up Zara, King of Kings.

And what I used to do Listen to me. I've tried you can't beat it It's not you join it. King of kings king of bronze king of lunch. What is it? Promo prince get on the get on the train wizard of weddings Conalingas King You can't beat it. The's the Omelette Overlord. The Sire of Swipes, that's me. So I used to run this tailgate, and when I would do it, I would go around collecting money. Yeah. Yeah, the butthole boys.

So I used to go collecting monies from all like different fraternities and I would tell them like listen Yeah, you give me money and I'll go to this field and I'll set this whole thing up They'll be breakfast in the morning booze you just give me the money. We'll set it up So we used to go to this thing called lot D25 the Penn State the party still goes on right now Right it's just other people have taken it's it's gone into a different world. I started a meeting It still exists. Yeah, so it's similar. So, you're not alone meeting still in in Maulden, but do you think mind out of more chicks? So it was a minus shake. My chicks are shaking, but that's cool.

So we would set up, but we get there like seven in the morning for every game. And we'd set up like a table when we have a grill that was about as long as this table right here and we would get it going And it would be like we'd have theme foods chicken hot dogs steak tips and theme weeks and all this stuff And then what would happen was people started dressing up So I would wear an Elvis wig with an overalls with nothing underneath and then my buddy would wear a bear suit And it was just stupid. So it was a gay theme party gay theme party Jay was there, tits out. So then, I'd sew them.

Bridget Everett hosed it. But then the next, yeah, she's doing, you know, splits at the everyday. But it started getting, then all of a sudden, another everyone saw that we were dressed up and they're like, oh, so we're gonna dress up. Then there's mustard and ketchup. People are dressed up in different ways.

And then people started, this is gay part. Well, what happened was people start, because I just, I've witnessed how these things grow. And what would happen was people used to do this thing called high low. Hey, listen, you know the mic works, right? Oh, it does. Sorry. You don't have to scream. Okay. So people used to do a tabletop. You ever tabletop someone? Um, yeah. So one person would get on all fours, like they were getting a finger in the butt. And another person would get and they'd get behind someone and then you'd push them over the person on all fours. So we used to do that and you laugh and laugh. And then it got to the point. I did that in second

grade. Okay. Yeah. Well, this is what we're doing in college. So then what happened was people were so afraid of getting tabletop that people started horse kicking. So no one would stand in the middle of the tailgate, and everyone's just going like doing a donkey kick behind them in case anyone as they went to get beers. And then it turned people's spearing each other. And then people would get on top, we'd get 70 Ks of beer, people get on top of the Ks of beer, and then people would spear people off the Ks of beer.

It got to the point where I was like, I don't know if I can show up anymore. Right. Because I'm gonna be in a wheelchair one of these days. Yes. Because someone tabletop me, I'm gonna be like, go oh it was kind of funny until I'm fucking sitting there moving myself with my tongue yeah fire sigma fucking shit dick it got crazy so it's it starts at guy in an Elvis wig and it ends at friend on fire who now

takes a wheelchair everywhere it's it's ridiculous dude it this shit is just stupid it's what it goes the internet yeah but it's it someone's gonna fucking Now takes a wheelchair everywhere. It's ridiculous, dude. This shit is stupid. It's what it goes. The internet man. Yeah, but it's, someone's gonna fucking talk to these savages. Who's gonna, who's gonna go up to the, hey, listen, people? How about this, hey, ultimate warrior? I just wanna talk to you for two seconds.

We want you to calm down. How about this, how about you see somebody lighting a fucking table on fire? How about you go up and go, hey guys, put that fucking fire out and go into jail? Well, you would think it's the police. I don't want to fucking, I'm not taking my kid. You any, at least to the past, maybe it's because we won so many,

but I feel like the past, we have no energy. I feel like the past have matured, the fans. And maybe it's because tickets are more expensive and I'm in a higher brow of because we've won so much that we That we've become you know, no, this is what happens you lose the pink hats Well, we start now we're in like you know, Henley's with the little tiny logo Instead of the whole jersey with the hat and the gloves and the misses what happens to winners Oh, though, instead of the whole Jersey with the hat and the gloves and the misses, what happens to winners?

This is a winning the winners I think relax and the losers. This is you know the minute men You know they they had they had different energy than the the fat and happy British That's why we're gonna lose in North Korea How the fuck did you get there? Listen, I'm just telling you the future. We you know know, we sit here, the Patriots fans, we've had it all. We don't have to go and do this shit. But we've won a lot. That's what I'm saying.

It takes it out of you. All right, Joe, we gotta get six, baby. The Eagles fans, they got loser energy. But here's the thing. The teams coming in hot, Jacksonville was coming in hot Saxonville and those cost but they fucked up somewhere They were like a manager some one of the guys said on the on the he said they were 95% Perfect. Yeah, they were almost perfect. You have to be completely perfect to beat the past to be Brady to be Bellicic

In Bellicic Brady you can't beat them without I say Bell bell check you think it's I'll put fucking Joe in there under bell check will win fucking 10 games. We're gonna find that out soon and I know. I know. As soon as it ain't gonna be did you did you see when they handed bell check he passed it off like half drank beer when craft handed bell checked the trophy. He took it and just he I don't want this. AFC champion gave it to his son. He goes to and just, yeah, I don't want this. AFC champion. He just gave it to his son.

He goes to the game with the craft son. You, you, you want this? Now that's even one or two things. That's him going, I don't touch, I don't care about this fucking trophy. I care about winning one more game or fuck you. Start to the top. But I don't know, what is it? Is it fuck you craft?

No, I think it was, we don't come here to win AFC champion. I'd arco was overblown. I knew it. What? I don't think it was we don't come here to win aFC championship. I'd article is overblown. I knew it What I don't think it was all they all be back. We got to win again next year That guy Carrero is the yoko Oh no of the Patriots seven will be next year guy tore that team apart I can I have a feeling well. I'm gonna add by why you read the ad. I'm gonna read the ad to be favorite the ad Okay, and then don't tune out of these ads because these ads usually get real fucking funny hilarious ad because before deep discount.com Oh shit, they got a lot of good stuff on that. They do an asshole. They just can't we cannot with my Please I didn't mean that is a loyal sponsor to my show. I know I met you for months almost a year

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Thank you, spider. Spider! ¡Spider! Y las últimas tendencias en botas. Comodidad 10.0 desde 29.99. Daisman., mucho por andar. ¿Aye, Guys? We have this fight at a comedy club.

Have you ever been to this club? No, where is it? South Carolina. No, I never been to it. I'll never go to it. Joe, I'll never go to it. Well, I think, yeah, because I'd never been, I read, uh, Leonard Oots wrote a post about it.

The comedy house. What do you read about it? He just said he'll never go back. He came out on the side of comedians, say, he got to say that they're shit hole anyways. Well, here's the thing, we're a guy like this, look at this shit, play that video. Wow. He's one of the comedian.

Stop, no comment. Freeze, freeze, freeze. Which one's the comedian? The one that has like a mic stand in his arms, swinging at the end. The one in all freeze which ones the comedian the one about like Mike stand in his arms swinging at the one and all black Is the comedian. Yeah, yeah all black the both two black dudes Okay, I want to know what the joke was like what got this I I listen to the guys Okay, response the comedian what he said I didn't see nothing He he didn't heckle he didn't say that he just got on stage and said, fuck you.

Whatever it was, he has no idea. He was way down. It was just. As no idea, this guy got on stage and started, and he was like, listen, and he was talking to him. He's like, listen, I'm gonna fucking hit you. You know, that's why he went when he started swinging and missing, because this guy's got great head movement.

This guy knew how to fight. Watch the, watch the comments. Yeah, watch the comments head movement. Watch this, play. Look at him. I mean, that is dangerous. He moves. He knows how to move. Woo. Look at that. Look at that. He's got a pipe. He's got a fucking pipe. He had the mic stand, but the fat part fell off swung. Miss the fat part going in the crowd is one of the more dangerous things He jumps that hit him in the thigh. I like the guys in the crowd now. It's enough Jump up now after four minutes. What the where is the bouncer?

Where is it but where is who's running who's club is this? Yeah, it's bad. I mean what the fuck So now you can just say something and someone I mean this is this I wasn't I'm at the club I can't say this I'll say it right to the camera good looking smoke and hot women who know that know that they're fuck you Gabby that know that they're hot that know that they're hot fucking Joe let me say this without you quips sorry Joe quips don't go to comedy shows if you see me fuck and you think you're gorgeous stay home I don't want you you're blaming this all on them yeah what does this have to do with all it's always a

fucking hot chick up in the front who thinks your shit Don't stink who winds up getting drunk and fucking talks the whole show. She's not heckling. She's not saying shit I'm saying for me this week same shit always a fucking I'm so I don't do a fuck me to hashtag whatever It's always a fucking girl. It's always some chick who thinks she's smoking hot, who's in the front not heckling, but talking. Talking to the guy next door, talking to her boyfriend, talking, talking, talking. And if you tell him to shut up, they go, fuck you.

And then you're like, oh great, I'm the asshole, because I'm asking you to stop talking at my show. And the fact that comedy clubs, there's two things that comedy clubs need to stop fucking doing. They need to stop having a check spot, not get the fuck off, grow the fuck up, figure it out.

And don't sit, smoking hot, fucking dumb chicks in the front row. Sit them in the back, because all they want is attention. I guess it's their first moment of not having all eyes on them. And then they're like, you know, crying out because of that. But I mean, this is not a hot chick.

Oh, to you. It's fair. In South Carolina, that's an... To you. Apparently, you really don't like ass play. Didn't look like that. You know, the big fan. Didn't look like that.

The strip where like big J had to break up a fight or something like that. So it's on stage or is that... I mean, look, fights happen at comedy clubs, but you know, this shit, this is ridiculous. That's scary. That's fucking crazy. I mean, what do you do? I mean, the guys are swinging that that thing on the end of it is ways around fucking it.

They went on the crowd like it was a discus. The only thing you can hope for is in this sounds crazy that is someone got hit in the head with that and severely injured and that guy goes to jail for a long time. And then the person wants to recover through rehab and surviving. Have you guys ever seen anything like this? Not like that. No. No, nothing like that. But there is a, I agree that's always what I was at New York comic club earlier. And there was a girl yelling out.

Yeah, just fucking smoking hot, right? Yeah, you just want to go I know about you. Do you understand that every I'm the fifth comic on all four comics have walked back They're gone. There's a fucking content the second row that don't stop. I'm like that's who you are Did you say they want to go like this? You know you're the only one if do you know that you're the only one yelling out? There's all these people here. You're the only one everybody hates you and The club should immediately just grab them and take the hit and kick them the fuck out. You say that's her No, she actually left on her own accord. That's the thing with these drunks if you just leave him alone for long enough They're like children they get tired out. Yeah, they'll like she's like kind of like stumbled out in the middle of the thing like you're just like

Yeah, she's gone now. Well, here's the thing is that this girl I Ignored the whole show. I don't talk to them anymore because I'm so angry, I snap. And the all the, when a woman sees a guy like me yelling at a woman, it doesn't, they can't hear her. They didn't see her. They're way in the back. They just think some fucking fat blob is yelling at some,

you know, being a. Sorry, I thought it was funny. You know what I mean? They just think that some, so know, being a, sorry, I thought it was funny. You know what I mean? They just think that some, so they're like, well, leave her alone. Okay. You're never going to be the good guy. No, the fucking club, this, they needs to be a guy.

If I say shut the fuck up, that should immediately tell you as a bouncer or a manager of a club or waitress or waiter. Oh, something's going on. But it gets to the point now where you just, you have to take it. They didn't shit in pay to see me. She wants some fucking free tickets. People who pay, all right,

I don't understand these clubs have to give away tickets because their fucking rent is $10,000 million a month because where they chose to put the club. And they have to put that on you somehow. You know, if you don't sell out every fucking show, they put it on you, or they'll just give away all the tickets and make 30,000 on drinks and food, right?

I get it. Okay, but how about the people that pay get to sit up front? And the people that you gave tickets to in the fucking back. That way fans. That way fans of mine are sitting up front. And I don't have to fucking worry about some twat and her boyfriend, her boyfriend,

talking the whole fucking show. And then she starts, there's a kid next to her that's a fan of mine. She's literally talking to him and he went, hey, can you stop talking to me? Now, she's ruining the show for him. Now, he's mad. Now, he has to maybe get in a fight with her boyfriend

because she might say something to him. Now, it's this escalating public fucking shit because your parents didn't tell you to shut the fuck up and your boyfriend doesn't have the balls to go, I'm fucking leaving. I'm leaving. If you don't shut the fuck up, if my wife was talking like that in public,

I would say we're leaving right the fuck now. And she'd be like, why I'd be like, we're fucking leaving and I'm never going in public with you again. That's wife confidence. The guy with that girl, the hot chick. Yeah, that ain't his wife. The girl steps up, smacking the whole word to your moms.

I came to drop bombs. I got more rhymes than the Bibles got Psalms. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Bless you. Thank you.

Was that you? No. Yeah. Um, Peter is hoist shit. It's upsetting. It's very upsetting. Life is upsetting, but you know what? You got to look on the bright side and really, I heard there was live. Are those people downstairs bloggers were coming to the seller, recording what comics

were saying to fucking turn them in. Turn them in. Yeah, I heard that happen. Yeah, they kicked out one guy had a whole joke had a whole book of jokes that he had written down everybody's jokes from the show. Yeah. And then someone sent me a video of all these French comedians that are just doing people's acts. Lazy company tongue. Yeah. I mean, it's just it's the Wild West, man. I love this club because they take care of us. I watched, I watched Val take someone's notebook and write in front of their face, rip out all the pages of the notebook. Wow.

Right in front of their fucking face. And this person just like took it because she was right. She's like, we don't let them have it. He was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and then she just, right out of the fucking book. I was on stage at the Pussycat through my hour last week and someone took their phone out and the lady, literally went, erased that right now.

Yeah. I was like, fuck, I love you. And I love you. What's gonna happen with that video? I don't understand what their goal is with the video. Why can't you can't just sit and have a good time? Like, where does the video go? There was a study that I just saw today that

what happens with these videos and what happens with your phone. It's the same thing as doing cocaine. It releases the happy drug. Endorphins. Out of your brain. Phrylonc. It releases that. Yeah.

So for that minute that you, the excitement that you get from getting that video and watching it, or showing it to somebody, it releases that happy drug into you and it makes you feel good. Sure. So it's these cell phones and social media and all this shit that we're doing,

it's we're literally turning our kids into cocaine addicts. Yeah. And teenagers with this. And with those like slot machines, that all of them are slot machines, the colors, you know you can change the color of the front of your phone. You can make it so it's like black and white. So if you take it, they say a strategy

for looking at your phone less is to make it, it's a certain mode that makes your phone black and white takes away all the color. You don't want to look at it. It becomes, after a while you get you i had a set it's called it's a certain mode and you can look it up my guy that's what you're looking at is going it's like this this what he went he went hmm it's called boring mode like it's been on for two years so you can take it and you want your fucking. The guy is supposed to be producing the show in.

That's actually his favorite mode. This is a fun conversation. That's interesting. I'm just the information. So I don't just put it in the word. Just fucking go with the flow. Yeah, I don't really think you're boring, Mike. I just, I had a good one locked in load

and I needed to sign it to somebody. What mode is it? It's the truth. You take it, and it makes you want to look at it less. So, and I did it. It's a picture of me actually. It's a picture of me. You put the truth. You take it's uh and it makes you want to look at it less. So and I did it. I did it for actually. It's a picture. You put that for me. Yeah. Picture J's new tits and then I want to see him. You too. I know you can't. We can't see the black and white or the white. It's black and white and basically it's black. It's it's a certain mode. The apples are like this. Really? Oh. My wife's tits to go back to your tits, I think we're going to have to get them redone.

I'm sorry, but yes, I call her lefty now. You know, like a chameleon has those two eyes. It's like that, like the nipples. Are you a really person in here with fake boobs? Where? In the room. Do you have, do you have those are real? Those are real.

God bless America. Prove it. I know that Gabby knew nobody was talking about her boobs. You know those are real those are real Prove it I know Gabby knew nobody was talking about her She really does she has doogie house or tits That was a compliment well if that's the case The doogie house or has great cuz your brother had bigger booths in you now because that would be kind of annoying probably Yeah, I know it's a guy now? Yeah, I know.

It's a guy now. Oh, did he have like the top surgeon all that stuff? Oh, no. He's 16. He has no tips. Tits don't run in our family. He's 16. He's beautiful.

And he's not really. It's just a song. All right. Okay. What is it? I know a lot of trans men that have like double d's before they transition. Yeah, have a couple of friends like that too. They got to chop them off.

Paper shredding. Yeah. Crazy. Give them to me. I hated the look of this phone so transition. Yeah, a couple of friends like that too. They got to chop them off. Yeah, paper shred. Crazy. Give them to me. I hated the look of this phone so much that I went back to the color. I was like, I don't care if I'm addicted. I can't look at the phone this way. Really? Yeah, I tried it for like a week.

I was thinking about it today. I'm addicted to my phone. I'm talking to you. I was with my son the other day, baby, like, not baby sitting in this. My kid, just with my kid. Fucking piece of shit I am. I really am just a honky garbage.

Putting in your time, I get it. Punching the cocky. Well, it was funny because I was listening to Jim and Sam show. Jim and Sam, Jim and Sam. And they were talking about, they were had Chris D on, Chris D. M and I texted about this.

And, and, and, and I'll president day came in from Barshtil. Yeah. Who I'm a fan of too Dennis Martinez. No Dave put put Portney a has that it? Sorry What's his name? How do you say his last name? I think it's Port Noi Port Noi. Yeah Jay. Yeah, exactly Dave Port what is it Dave Port Noi?

Yeah, that's uh, uh, yeah, exactly Dave putt. What is it Dave putt? Yeah, that's it. Portnoy Oh, president day. Fucking pot noise. He's the owner of bar stool, which is an amazing story. I mean these guys are killing it. They're fucking funny They don't give a fuck. I love Dave's pizza reviews. I watch I think I watch every single one of them um And he came on, I was so excited because it was Chris, Chrissy D and Jim and Sam and now President Day, I was like, I literally, well, he came in and you know, he doesn't give a fuck. He was like, they were talking about kids

and he goes, yeah, I fuck kids. I hate kids. Kids suck. And Chris, Chris is like, you know, Chris loves his daughter. You know, he loves his kid and he's like, I like my kid, I mean, you know, Chris loves his daughter, you know, he loves his kid. He's like, I like Mike. I mean, you know, and he's like, yeah, they're fucking annoying. They take up your time.

They don't, you can't go into vacation. They shit, you pick up shit. Everything that Dave was saying was absolutely true. As a father, I'm like, yes, yes, yes, yes. But I know, but you love your kid. You know, you're a kid. It's your kid. You don't like other people's kids. He goes, yeah, he goes, fuck, yes, but I know but you love your kid. You know, you're a kid. It's your kid. You don't like other people's kids.

He goes, yeah, he goes fuck, fuck kids. And Chris was like, well, I'm just a better person than you. And I was like, oh, shit. You know, it was, it was pretty, it was pretty, you know, it didn't go as expected. Let's just put it that way. Because Chrissy, Chrissy is such a sweet kid. Of course. And, you know, he loves his daughter, but this guy was like, fuck that. I got divorced.

He's like, you, you're not going to have kids. You hate kids, right? I love kids. We talk about it. Well, you told me he ate them. No, I'm not scared. You know, he said, you're kids. No, I'm not a fucking kid. Happy poopy. It was really, uh, what, what would you guys talk about? What, what do you say to you? No, you tell the kid thing. Yeah, he's like, I like kids. Yeah, look, I don't think a parent, look, you love your kid. There's something that happens when you choose to be a dad.

I chose to be a dad at, at 44. Two kids are like farts. You love to smell your own farts. Mm-hmm. And then, you know, you have to take a shit. Yeah. There you go. But it is...

You don't like other people's farts. Someone else's farts, you're like, I get the fuck what are you doing? Kids are fucking tough, man. You smell yours, you go. Yeah, they love this smell on me, I'm brand. Yeah. I would love, I mean, look, I would love to.

Man, if I was single right now, my God with my life, I'd still be in the city. I'd still be in my cool ass fucking apartment. Do you think about that? I think about me, dude, I had a duplex on 47th and 9th. I had a shower that all of us could fit in. Real? I have shower heads.

I had a fucking hands. Fucking, dude, it was unbelievable. All the buttolls brand new kitchen I don't oh my apartment was the shit remember that old Louis joke. What's that? I can't imagine my life without my kids. He's like that's all I do at all ever Yeah, I mean you think about back in the day. I mean I I'd be staying up all night playing Xbox on my fucking massive TV. My wife would be down, my chicken would be downstairs sleeping, hanging. Just out. She come up middle of the night, get a snack. We go to the deli, get some grub,

fucking three in the morning. We go to the diner down the street, sleep until fucking 11. Get lunch. Take a nap at four. Just six. Right. You still do lunch. I know. Yeah. I know, but all the meals snacks and lunch. Oh, we know.

Oh, I know. Second lunch. Third lunch. You forgot. I didn't forget to get that. I wish I forgot that part. Yeah. Really? Do you really like kids? Or you say that? Cause you know, women get turned off. No, I want like a normal life, you know, you want to have when the time is right. You know, but that and then you know, there's also the when is the time right? You know,

well, for me, it was 44. That's not a bad 43. I tried for a year. When be 42. Do you feel like an older dad or do you feel of age? You know, because your brain doesn't get old. You just, you're still the same fuck. I mean, you're physically, but I still, like yesterday I took Max out on the backyard and I taught him how to light a fire. Yeah.

Is he a bills fan? Ah. Ah. Oh, I love Joe. I love you. I love all you guys. Yeah, you mad at me. I'm getting such a bad vibe. I'm excited. Why do you think I'm out of you. Yeah, you mad at me. I'm getting such a bad vibe.

I'm gonna say to you, why do you think I'm out of you? Mike, you mad about that zinger I had? I love it. Oh great, all right, cool. I just want to say that one of the audience members looks like my father, my real father. Really? Your dad is fucking hot. Not her.

Oh. You look like my dad. What are you? Did you tell you in a Puerto Rican? What are you? Did you say you looked like a Mexican woman about an hour ago? No, he you look no, I said he does the mic on I want to know what that guy is Zach that Mike's on looks like Aaron Hernandez Now I can I got nothing I got nothing. Yeah, we'll have to remain a mystery deal that one

Why would it be on the ghost of Aaron Hernandez? Why would it just get close and personal? Yeah? What's going on guys? Just role-player in her name. It's talking about He looks you look like my my biological father a little bit if you grow mustache Yeah, cuz you always chew gum to you chewing your gun like my real dad now like that you swear to God I'm just saying. Oh, he's a good looking guy. Thank you. Yeah, you look like him.

Now 100% Italian. Yeah, he was Italian too. Oh, yeah, the nose gave it away. Look at this fucking big fucking, I need dough hands. What are you doing for work, dude? The mailman. What's your name? Vinny.

Vinny, the mailman. Are you wearing shorts, Vinny? No. Feel like mailman wears shorts all year round. Do we wear like that weird like jungle safari hat that mail people wear? No, one more let it go so that kid's school in the fucking oven you're gonna go ahead first I can buy mailman with Italians Yeah, well mailman 23 years. Wow You got to be close to retirement right? You've been a male man for 23 years. Oh, 30 years. 30. That's close. You look a mate. How old are you?

44 holy shit. That's fucking seven more years. You look like 20. That's not bad. Thank you. You do Yeah, seven more years, right? Yeah, and then you retired Minimum retirement. What what what what do you get full? 62 at 62 if you retire at 62 you'll get a full retirement. Are what what do you get full? 62. At 62 if you retire at 62 you'll get a full retirement. Are you gonna work that are you gonna do that? I have to I got three kids. Wow.

Yeah. But what a great job. That's the one thing about us comics. We're done in our 60s guys. You're either going to a boat or you you get a big gig. Some show. Oh some deal and you make your fucking chunk, put it in the bank. Either you make it big or you're fucking with Don at 60.

Yeah, that's depressing. Yeah, sad as shit. Not this guy. He's got a state job that he's going to get fucking paid for the rest of his life. Federal, federal, even better. You guys get me through man. Let's get up with someone as you drop it off. Yeah. So give I said, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like,

you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like,

you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, You you want to go postal? And that's the way they treat him yet. But why the question? Why I mean you guys are just walking a mailman,

you get the mail, you put in a bag or a truck, you drive around, everybody kind of says, hi and loves you. Two words, dogs. You watch a lot of those, one word. Oh yeah. I'll fuck his wrong with you. I like.

Did you ever holiday commercials where you see the guy walk up the package Yeah, it's not my I love my mailman, but I tell you I walked in on an affair You delivered a Bobby's house. Yeah, listen Sorry It's a joke don't it's a joke I'm fucking banged in a little bit All right, my package fucking team in the mail slot. It it someone's ass holes right there. So it's like you know Yeah, I got a nice hot passionate pecker. You're right. So Joe should joke What are you looking at me now you're making me feel bad now? I think everyone's mad at me

I was a joke it was a good one you see everybody's mad at you every time you're on the show I know I gotta have a double Allen step. Don't piss off the mail man guys. Come on. Before if you just lost it right now. Listen to me. I'm telling about my fucking affair. What do you got? I had a certified letter and I rang the doorbell.

Yeah. And she answered the door like nine something in the morning. Yeah. She was answered the door walking down the stairs. Come on guy getting dressed. And she puts on her wedding ring and signs for it and she's on the phone with the guy when they still use house phones. She goes, yeah, honey, here it is.

I'm signing for it now. Oh my Lord, what did you say? Sock my dick right now. Good luck. Rain, sleet, or snow. I would have been like, listen, or adultery. Maybe you keep that bedroom door before a little more. That's what you say. Maybe I won't, you know, if you keep that bedroom door before a little little more Then she say maybe I won't you know, you know if you keep the socket

I got something for you too, you know, then you know, that's our other side better one Oh, I was delivering one day in a Friday afternoon and this beautiful home Moving trucks they didn't say anything to me. They were moving out Guy goes to me here and give me $100 said you didn't see anything. I said why? guy goes to me here and give me $100. He said, you didn't see anything. I said, why? Because my wife's up in Vermont with her girlfriends skiing. He cleaned the whole house.

He left the bar stool and an old wittery phone. Right. Pictures of her had an affair and the divorce papers. Wow. Shit. That's fuck. That guy had a flair for the dramatic. Yeah.

Right? I want to be on. I want to be on. My god Danielle still. If I went home and my wife and my wife and kid were gone and she met some fucking rich dude, you're dancing in the hallways. I am fucking, I'm ordering a pie and I'll hook her and I'm fucking, I'm gonna call every girl I know

that I used to bang, I'm gonna Uber, fly, whatever the fuck it takes get these girls there and we're going down. Oh, I'm gonna fucking that. What's going on at Bobbys? I'm gonna use that wordstay of his life. That fucking. But it fooled me. I'm fucking dead.

Oh my, I don't know what it means to be alone. Except I go to a hotel, of course. Sure. But a hotel is something happens to you when you go to the hotel. I get a little depressed. Yeah, yeah in that big bed by yourself You know, yeah God It's all over dude Just all memories Just me getting milked

Just a milking have more milking. Have more kids. Huh? Have more kids. So what? To spend more money, fuck you. So you just got to 62. Fuck that. That's really people with more kids say.

Have more kids. Be like me. Fucking, hey, hey, hey. No, I'm not. I have one kid. If it fucks him up, then he's going to have to deal with it. He's going to be a serial killer or fucking Einstein. You won't have any more kids.

No, fuck that. Don't do that guy's hands, you're right. I mean, not with my wife. Could you like a boxer or something? I told you that, I already said that. You're saying like, you're acknowledging it. I'm sorry. I said he had fat fucking dope fingers.

It's like, it looks like a baby miking his hands. Yeah, you don't want those fingers in your ass all. So fucking mush up one of your ruins out of your nose. You'll be able to sit for a week. Yeah, I don't know if my wife, if I caught my wife cheating on me, if she left me for another guy, I don't think I'd hate her.

I wouldn't be like, fuck you and fuck that, I'd be like, I, you probably right. You probably right. You probably did the right thing. Good on you. You know what? I, you know what? I'm proud of you.

I'm proud of you. Yeah. I made it stand. You made the right decision. Yeah. I mean, I slept alone the last two nights. She slept in the bed with him. Because he was like having, you know, he was waking up and

I was sitting and going over, but I don't know, whatever. Anyways, move the fuck on. God, I'm misch getting my dick touched. I guess it's better because I probably would have gotten trouble. I can touch your dick, buddy. Done.

Well, you're far away right now, but I'm saying after the show, I'd be happy to. All right, rub it. Guess what? What are we here into? Not a gateway, just, you know. Yeah, and way just you know, yeah, I'm too much Too much What is gay?

Help me out so funny too nobody cares about gay anymore nobody cares about any of that shit anymore under the table Handson courage isn't it? It's like nobody gives a fuck No, it's a gay pride prey. Yeah, okay cool. Let's go. I don't care like that used to be like what you either heard let's go. Oh good for them Well, fuck that now it's the most fun parties The fuck that party Yeah, those clan rallies were the best Let's go throw rocks we used to go to the gay pride parade every year to be because my buddy used to have a Have an apartment right above like this nice eating partyating party just everyone licking the asshole it was great but uh

a day a table of breath clean off yeah breath it's a little little for the way out a little elastic fingerlets yeah that is how I just made up a new word Chris go finger. Think of let's. I don't care. Gay bars are more fun than straight bars than you do. Why? It's true. Totally true. Why is that true?

I don't know. Well, you got to know why you can't just say that. There's just no inhibitions. People are losing their mind. How do you know? You know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know,

you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know,, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yes, but we are also more angry about feeling uncomfortable than we've ever been. Yeah, so you can't have both. You can't be like, let's do it all. And then all of a sudden, be like, I didn't like how that felt. And it's like, you can't sex shame. Yeah. You can't sex shame somebody or slut shame. So you can't don't slut shame me. I should be able to do it over the fuck I want. Please do. But wait a minute, I don't like that. That's what you just did. I, wait a minute. Yeah, like, they slug, I feel like they slut James Louis. To a degree.

Oh, fuck yeah. I mean, that's an embarrassing write up he had. The one thing about all of this is I can't stop reading them. I'll read any hookup story now. I can't, I just wanna know what people are doing. Like the Aziz thing? I filled up. The idea. Halfway through I filled up. up story now i can't i just want to know what people are doing like the a z's thing i don't know the idea half way through i feel the idea that he is taking his fingers putting in a

woman's mouth and then touching over just like quilling like he's writing a fucking he's taking a quill he's on his tippy toes taking the quill of his his pen quill up top Dipping into the mouth and then going down low and going I've come to make you come today I spent a fortnight down in your vagina. I've been writing down here. Oh, hold on out of ink. Let me go back to the dip dip dip

Back to the vagina Quilling that's what he was doing. Did you make that? Yeah, I've dubbed it quilling. Because I read that and I was like, I can't believe the move. Like take out the, you know, how she felt, you know, I don't have an opinion on that, whatever. But just hearing these sex moves, you're like,

wow, I haven't even seen that in porn. Her mouth to her vagina. Oh, fucking crazy. It's a good move. I bet you could Google it, this one porn. Yeah mouth to her vagina. Oh, fucking crazy. That's a good move. I bet that, um, I bet you could Google it. There's some porn. There's got, I mean, there's porn for, yeah. There's probably like a, uh, a Z's porn now.

Oh, it looks like a Z's doing the thing. Just quillin' all day. I just can't believe like, like, like, don't you like hearing these things? Don't you like hearing this a Louis porn? Louis was just a dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. The best son is Chess. Just, just, just a red head head.

Hey, how you doing, Kathy? Just him with hardened calm on his chest there. I think it probably is. Gotta be. No way. Chest hair, that's a good prostate. If he's hitting the chest here, just popping up.

Mind fucking dribbles out now. Really? Yeah, my comes like this. Like a stroke. Just doesn't even hit my body. It just drips on my dick. It's dangerous. He comes, you come, you come,

right side of Keith Robertson. I too fast, those two, those, yeah. You got stroke come. I dribble, dribble. I, I, I didn't jerk off for three weeks. Why? Does have a child, this kid toys in my shower. He wasn't for you?

No. What the fuck? Sorry. The kid toys. Happy food in my shower for you. No, fuck the fuck. Happy food. My shower. You can't. Now I'm not gonna jerk off of my kid's fucking spider man. Wiping it off the fucking doll a little ducky with my foot. No, plus my kid will run in. Dad, dad. He can run into the shower or you doesn't know. No, he's fucking doesn't. He's a four.

He doesn't know. I'm gonna get out of here. You know, be nice. He's not that hideous of four. You don't have to be so mean. Come in. Yeah, you have to be so mean. Just come in. Yeah, you have to tell room though to yourself every weekend. Well, I didn't jerk off for a couple weeks on the road. I was home for a couple weeks.

So when I got to the hotel this time, I mean, Jesus Christ, I, the two hours to Hartford, I was just, oh, I got in, as soon as I got to the hotel room, I got a couple of the face cloths. I got my iPad Pro, the got in, as soon as I got to the hotel room, I got a couple of the face cloths, I got my iPad Pro, the 12 inch, not the 10. I fucking went right to greedy.com, fucking skim through a couple things. What's your website of choice? Clity.com.

Clity.com. Mine's comedian Joe List, stuff. All my dates are on there. Joe took a copy of one of the Louis checks. He just looks at that. He's just sure stuff in his Rolex. Louis checks. He just looks at that. He just jerks off of his Rolex. Oh, I forgot about that.

Oh, of course you did. Fuckin' a Bob when I go on the tour, I do. I never call me, bring Joe. Anyways. This isn't Steven or Daniela. I don't ever see him as Steven Allen. Nah, I jerked out. First host of the tonight show.

Who? You know. I jerked out. You host of the tonight show. Who? Stephen Allen. I jerked out. You can buy that on deepdiscount.com. I'm a Steve Allen episode. I jerked out of it, shot over my left shoulder. Oh really? Oh, good for you.

Fucking juicy. Wow. That why did it go wide? Yeah. I just went left. Now we know the curvature of Bobby's deck. Like Scott Sisson. Sisson. Yeah. I was so happy. I just went left now we know the curvature of Bobby's dick like scot. Ciccin Ciccin I yeah, I was so happy did you mark it like a javelin throw? You know like that's where it is

Landon is a little piece of tape in the bathroom. I just I just don't go straight up You got like a hook shot. Yeah, my mom knows Fuckin disappointed. I was fucking I was gonna. Gunz oh knows dick I I'm just fucking disappointed I was. I was gonna conzo nose dick. I shacked it. I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm giving it a sick of jerking off though, cleaning up is a, I'm getting sick of it. It's like, uh, I, that's what the shower's great. Yeah, I'm too, too late. I think the bed, that's the thing I'm really looking for. I fell asleep with a face cloth wrapped around my cock like a mummy. Oh, really?

Yeah, because I, because I dribble out like a little later, I didn't. And then you have like the nap afterwards? I went to bed, I had to do radio. Oh, it's just a sex drive. Do you still have sex drive? Do I have sex drive? I will fucking do it. Yes. Mine has gone down. Yes, I mean, I'm still, you know, I still jerk off eight times a day.

Because you're married, dude. I think you just age or something you know, I still jerk off eight times a day. Because you're married, dude. I think you just age or something. No, it's not. I was saying, with a group of girls and one of them had like no bra, like a t-shirt, she like, she would like lean down. I could see her full tipped. It's nothing for me.

I was like, as a tit. Yeah, what are you gonna do? A tit. I think the problem with men is that we never age out of confidence. Like, we never age out of that. I tell you what, I mean, I just blow up. I never had confidence in my life. I tell us about this. I've been in the road confidence for years ago that you want to recreate. I'm just saying. This is called women, older women hate themselves.

Like, that's about episode 42 of the fucking J train. J train, by the way, this is Patreon. This is Patreon post number seven. Yeah. Guys, we age out of it. What did you say? I mean, my older 50, 60, 60 year old women. What did you say that you know they, they sound like you just made it up, but you thought about it. We ate, I know, I have thought about this.

We just never age. Older men still like look at a woman like, I'm a dude, she's gonna want me. I've never felt that way once ever. I have my life. My wife, the night of our wedding, I was like, what would you gonna bring this up with me? I'm gonna be in the house, I was like would you bring this up with me now I feel like really?

I'm sorry really? Well not I mean that's an exaggerer hypergoal. You're a good looking guy Joe. Thank you well I got teeth the fur head the herpes the OCD. I got the problems. I mean now you're not Joe you didn't like kill you didn't come back from like killing Madison Square Garden and you weren't like I am fucking tonight.

Well married to a comedian so it's like she's not She wasn't turned on by that. I don't think so. Come on. I don't know You're a different guy, dude. You're a That's a lot of guys. You're in the stage. You just said that's an accomplice of the major mind. She's very different fucking guy. You have to acknowledge it. You have to you need to get Kippy, you have to look at Joe. He's a different type of guy than you. Sure. I don't say you can't, you can't know. Wait a second. We all have confidence. No, you can't fucking put that shit. You can't throw your fucking, your confidence is something else, dude.

He's not the, he fucking thinks everybody's mad at him. What do you think, young lady? I mean, you're a square garden. Would you bang me? Dude, you pride yourself on your look. I don't pride myself. Are you fucking out of your mind? Robert, you follow your own Instagram. That's how I'm gonna look. Dude, you pour water on yourself.

Fuck you. You're gonna fuck you. This is called playing off the... This is a joke. No, it's not. It's fucking... And I've seen you crowd. It's all smoking hot chicks. You're a good looking guy You're a confident guy you fucking can't you you're you care about the way you look Yeah, very popular patreon. I mean, you're saying this implies that I don't have those Those you know, I got a page on I got a page not as good as his that lady said she would love to have sex with me before her piece

Before her piece After MSG. Yeah, but she's married. I'm married to you married. Do you have a boyfriend? Uh oh, here we go. This is all. What's the word?

Shut up. Back up for a second. What about freed freedman over here? Too much trouble, right? He's high maintenance, right? I like the right. I gonna say that. Too much trouble, right? Yeah, you're like, broccoli. He's high maintenance, right? I like the bread. I'll tell you what it is though,

if after the show you talked to her, you could break through that. I think I could break through that. You could break through it because you just let her know that you're not a piece of your guy. Someone commented on my Instagram today. They tagged their friend. They're like, listen to his podcast, the first few minutes, you're gonna hate him, he's a total fucking douche. Yeah, but get through that, then you'll be okay.

No, it's not gonna suck it. Fucking relax. Yeah, that's what I tell everybody about you. I just give him five, 10 minutes. Five, 10? Yeah, I know. Breakthrough. Yeah, you're, you could definitely,

if in this room, can I ask you a question, in this room, out of all the men in this room. Not counting me. Hold on. No counting jack. Yeah. Hey, I'm open to it. What the hell, right? It's been a slow. Hold on. Before you answer this, let me see how big your fingers are. Oh, they're good. Let me see what type of, hold, type of finger we're dealing with with wait a minute. You don't stick fingers in asses. I forget it We're out. I'm out. I'm just wait. What was the question? All right the question is what you might have someone else did while you're blowing me

The question is this in this room out of all the men not on the couch talking about over here Okay, Zach non-included. Who's Zach? So these two, I fucking said. We're talking about all the comics over here. Mike is included, Zach is pedestrian. We're talking to the comedians right here. In order.

Well, whatever you want to call it, I would say, I would say make love, sexually, sexual encounter, passion. Yeah, the young lady of microphone for God said no matter who you choose, there'll be a lot of crying at the end. Come over here. Come over here. Check out shirts off.

Yeah. Yeah. Come over here. Come over here. What is this thing on the outside? What is this outer this outer jacket? Yeah. It's a very beautiful jacket.

Thank you. Check it on the floor. This is a shameez. What is a shameez? Bang you wasted. Okay. Yeah, I'll take it. I definitely bang Bobby because you seem like you'd be amazing and fun. Thank you very much. She's called me the fat chick, by the way. That's okay. You'd be fun. You go down to her for a long time. I would.

You should have Bobby on board. Yeah. Yeah, right. Okay. Okay. It's definitely after Madison Square Garden, pre-earth, only only garden. That's all I got to go for me is the garden. And Mike is not involved. No, sorry. Never seen more honesty in a no in my entire life. You're lost, bitch.

Oh, hey, come on. Come on, come on. Come on. What? Take that job, apologize. That's our fan. Oh Oh Come on My job I apologize that's our fan and by the way, I love how he said that like he's never like he's never been rejected by a woman before Please I haven't actually been married for like 15 years 15 I've been with her for ever

What hand job though you wouldn't give me a hand job No, a hand job is more intimate. You could close your eyes, your mic's getting uncomfortable. Was it prison? What is this? The fuck is she locked up in papillol? Yeah.

I, um, two finger hand job. But this is a little, that, yeah. A little hook job. Yeah. Hand job blow job. Oh, fucking, what would you get? Of all the three? Yep. What you done? Blow job. Yeah. Hand job blow job. Oh, fucking. What would you get of all the three? Yep. What's done? Blow job. Joe. What do you mean? If you have a choice between a hand job, but we were both heard of the situation. Yeah. She's not in the situation.

I don't know. Oh, all right. I was like, this is getting weird. Um, oh, sex. I prefer obviously. No, but it's famous enough in this room to be taken down. You can do whatever you can do whatever you want. But obviously sex is better than those what are you talking about now blow just a blow It was better than sex. What do you insane? Okay, that's your choice, but what would you pick sex? What's the situation? Who says blow job is better than sex me? Like saying It's not saying I'm gonna pray and can give you a blowjob. Yeah, but so kind of woman. What a poor both. I'm taking a blowjob over my face.

That's why he's saying it's better. Yeah, all right. I'm sex is way, way better. That's not even close to me. The reason why I would take a blowjob is because it, the reason why you would is because there's less consequences of blowjob. You have sex.

For all the coming, none of the babies. Yeah. Oh, well, this is a fantasy. I thought yeah Yes, I think you're saying what do you like better? I'm factoring in an IUD situation Right now in the other room of blowjob hand job or fuck what would you do? I take fuck I like I want the other person to enjoy it to have some face to face I want to feel connected. I want to see the tithes But the pussy is warm and it is fucking so is the mouth. Hey talking like it's a ham

But it could be too. I'm back in back in I'm back in Sex is better then the person you're having a intimate moment, you know what I mean? It's like podcasting. It's very nice the best sex I ever had best sex ever a chick from Manchester, Namshaw Net we the best sex ever had and we never had intercourse. We did so much. There's everything else.

Everything else. It was so... She milked you three times. Oh, so good. I take spit in the mouth over any of them. What the fuck? You said it enough to be true. What if she just had a hot dog?

What do you mean? I love ketchup as my favorite. Fucking musty ketchup spit. Oh, girl spit and ketchup in they ketchup spit and catch up in the mouth And does the spit the mouth happen what at what point in the sexual experience is that going down right after she finishes blowing All right, well, I'm just a swing of ketchup. I bet you know this is gone You know, I tried to bring up interesting topics newsworthy step. Can we all spit? This is all fuck. Oh, this is all real dirty talk a little thousand island dressing Dirty talk and I blame you fucking Jerry. Yeah, you're a dirty talk person

What about common catch up we call it thousand islands and this is bits it right Yeah, so I'm not in my asshole. I'm a throat. We stop Tuesdays with stories every Tuesday It's free. Don't I do Should be free. He has a condiment rack I Jay what do you got Jay? I do. Should be free. He has a condiment rack. I, uh, Jay, what do you got, Jay? Uh, not much. I'm new here. So I have a lot next month, but I haven't really come back on now that you're in town. Yeah, totally. You're gonna be around. Absolutely. I'm here. Awesome. Good. I'm glad you're back. Yeah.

I knew you would leave a night. You went to fucking LA. I was like, whoa, bad. Didn't I tell you not to do it? Oh, thanks. Oh, all right. You said, Lewis. I Wish I never made that move. I know you blew it for a while. He Lewis would have been in LA and he would have been a fucking Mexican by now Totally into the scene. He would have been on he would have had so just He would have been in LA. He's gonna move there. Dude a week away from moving LA really moving in he was gonna be with Napar Gatsy and And I talked him out of it, and he stayed. You think he's happy? It's fucking why wouldn't he be happy?

He's got a beautiful son, got a studio, does what, he's gonna whole, and I'm like, who Lewis isn't love every single time. Oh, I've seen him close. And they're happy. Yeah, they seem happy. Oh my God, they're fucking roller skating together

or something, I don't know, skateboarding. Yeah, they love each other He's in love if he's actually married a little bit. He's nice now. So he's in love. Maybe it was the right choice All right, so so Jay what's your Twitter? Jay McBride Jay. Ayy. E. McBride very funny comedian. Take on the road me David Brian dot com. All right. Cool. What do you got besides everything? Nothing. I do the J train podcast every Tuesday and Friday. I also have a new podcast. When am I coming back on? I want you back on immediately. Immediately? I got to get you back. I want you back. I want you back. What are you wearing? Oh, those are sweatpants. Overalls.

You can go to the greatfantastic.co and check them out. A friend of mine got into the sweatpants overall business and they are the most comfortable thing. That is Sunday on a stick right there. Most comfortable thing you've ever put on your body. Come in blue and gray. We gave them the Liz, the whole crew downstairs. Alicia, S.D., we gave them all pairs of the overalls.

I can't wear them. You couldn't wear them? I don't know, they make my size. Yeah, we'll get you in some. You sure? You want some? I do. I want a pair.

I'll make that happen. Your last time I wore overalls, Dungeryo, remember the Dungeryo ones? Of course. I wore them. You were in like, Wait, she was around, I don't know, 48.50. Yeah.

Maybe 53 year old waitress downstairs to end to a net. Yeah, Bobby. I was over going to the the six train, the two in the morning, three in the morning after the cellar closed. I hear Bobby. I went to the internet and I'll invest a bill smoking a cigarette. I was in those don't you read no underwear. No underwear.

She goes, come here. I walk over. She goes, what do you got under there? No way. She just reaches in the grab my pack. No way. Took it out, sucked it and a vestibule over by the fucking after place. This is why everyone needs overalls. Dude, this is what sexiest thing ever. I just remember her fucking hot cigarette breath hot. But you like that. You fucking you like that. Wow, how old is she? She's gonna be like 58. She alive still.

No, she's dead, she's dead. She's dead. She's just, how'd she die? She just got wet in her grave. Fuck her age. Fuck a dead Bobby, I'll see you later. She's got her piece of my comic outside the scene. Love that cigarette talk.

Oh, dude. I was literally going down that you bobby. I was like, five, I thought I was a friend of mine for Boston. Wow. Bobby is Mikey. Oh, I look over at the internet. Can you make it funny, night, Bobby? When she goes, what do you got in there?

I love that. She saw what she just reached in and grabbed it. What do you got, kid? When you hear that, then you get a little, you get a little timid. You a little timid, you're like, I have a little timid. Oh, you're're like I was fucking there's a cock sexy Bobby yeah I go find out what's in it a bag of draw yours check out the magic trick I can do

to all yours Antone check that bad out grab that bat grab that stick she grabbed it yeah she unhins that fucking left hook there it is a little latch that That little, she did it like this. Nothing funnier and hotter than getting unlatched by a woman. Oh, unlatched. Nothing funnier and hotter at the same time. Good podcast name, unlatched. Yeah, she unlatched that fucking left one.

Perfect. Her that tting. And then she took it out. Yeah, I didn't come though. I was a guy that I got to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got discussed. Just the taste. Yeah, I didn't come though. I was like, all right, I gotta go. Yeah, yeah, I got discussed. Just the taste.

I was just looking at her hair. I could see the roots. Oh, shit. She died for a while. Ooh. It's a rough night for her. Blah, babe. Give me a.

Just needed to see what you tasted like. What else you got? You got your Patreon too, right? Yeah, just needed to see what you tasted like. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha on February 7th. So bring a crew, we're gonna do- What night is that? To Wednesday night. Give me the day. February 7th, eight o'clock, and here's what we do. And you've seen the show. Tons of chicks. So if you're a dude out there with a bunch of dudes and wanna come out, it's a fun event to bring a crew to,

we do live, tender, bumble, makeovers. We take people's profiles, we put them up on the screen, we give them makeovers, make fun of their profile, and then we give dating advice and all this stuff, and then we have a good time. People drank and who's gonna be on it with you? I don't know yet. We gotta get a Boston heavy.

I wanna get some fun. Tony V. That'd be great. Oh, he's great. Kenny Rajasin. I'd like to get some like real. Oh, Tony V's the best. Maybe some that have seen a social media page before though.

Lenny Clark. Oh. Hi buddy. Yeah. What else? That's what I got. Hi buddy. Yeah. So that's what I got. All right buddy. Thanks for coming to for having me. What do you got Joey?

Comedian Joe list. Wow, that's a great website. Mike, God, I look good. It is good. The guy who did it. Yeah, I like your site. Great. That's me at Radio City Music Hall right there.

Yeah, I should have been a little. Oh, fuck, I got to change that day. Wait, scroll down. I forgot to change these dates. Fuck, I meant to do that. That stress factory date has been moved. It's now February 8, 9, and 10. There was a mix-up, not by me. February 8, 9th, and 10th... I know we have a lot of fans in the tri-state area. February 8, 9, and 10. New Brunswick, stress factory.

You know the club. Great club. Please come out to that. And then my favorite club, one of my favorite clubs, April 5th, 6th, and 7th, the 6th is my birthday. I'll be at Ann Arbor comedy showcase. Why is that? Why is it good? It's amazing. It's like almost like it's small, but it's kind of like stadium style. So you're low and then they kind of go up like that. I don't want to get there.

And it's a great college town. And it's just like one of these fucking killer clubs. Oh, good. And then you should do Dr. Grins too. I'm back there in November. And then Tuesday's with stories every Tuesday. It's free. It's fun. It's a rubber. It's a combo you're going to back there in November. Yeah. And then Tuesday's with stories every Tuesday, it's free, it's fun, it's a really. Tacoma, you're gonna be there.

What a great club. Tacoma comedy club. I love that. April 26th and 27th. Great club. Yeah, but stress factory, that's the soonest, newest one. All right, great.

I love you. Thank you. You know, you guys this weekend, you guys listen to live. I don't know if there's anybody still up, but I'm gonna be at the Chicago laugh factory and then Saturn out of a governor's McGuire's and the next Wednesday Valentine's Day very special, no? Not yet, not yet. I think I'm working with you on Valentine's Day actually. Where?

somewhere and like No, it's like Glenn's eyes. I'm shit like that. You're at the fat black on the Valentine's Day as well Am I 15? I don't know. I don't know. But yeah, 30 first you have a show fat black Okay, yeah next week back at fat black. I'm gonna put the show together this week. It's last week we had Oh, yeah, I'm letting Marcus let me Marcus. Uh, Bonnie McFarlane. Bonnie McFarlane. I mean, uh Keith Robinson Jeff Dipopton. Jeff Dipopton. It was an insane show and then I murdered half clean half 30 I did around around 35 minutes clean and then around 30 30 minutes 30 catch up spit Right that's the name of the show it's the grossest thing I've ever heard

Mugu B's joke house I'm going part of the live. I'm going to be in Washington, I'm going to be in Seattle while you're in Tacoma, I think. What? Yeah, we should take a boat and see each other and eagle. What are you there? Tacoma in Seattle is like a half hour ride. Hour, 45, 45. What are you even, I don't know.

I was just saying that, we'll figure it out later. Why did you do that? I am, I'm there. Anyways, go to my website, robocalelive.com. We have big news coming out. I know there's a bunch of things I'm supposed to say. What am I supposed to say at the end of the show? I got a few.

Can we have a list of shit? Yeah, well, we do the dates and then we already did all the things. We do the things of the post show. Oh, sorry. I always forget that. Don't I always say it? Yeah. Anyways, this is a great new post show.

Gabby, what do you got? Besides the flu. I have the flu, I have a broken foot. I have a couple, you know, bars and basement shows coming up. Just follow me on Instagram. I saw Gabby stand up. She's got some funny stuff. She's really working hard. How long have you been doing it?

Year and a half. Oh nice. Yeah, she's really, I mean, she's working hard. So if you have a chance to go see your girl and supporter It's not gonna be as funny as me But it'll be in the environment. It's in it'll be good. Whatever ice cream parlour No, I'm sure shop. Yeah candle fucking store ice cream pot. I'll be forming a candle wicks this weekend at I'll be forming a candle wix this weekend at five o'clock. And there's another show at midnight where we turn the lights out and light all the candles on

Everybody comes up with their own candle and then we talk about racial harmony. I'm coming up with butter scotch bacon None of my jokes smell good Every joke has to relate to butter scotch bacon in some way. I love bacon so much It makes me want butter scotch. I just way. I love bacon so much. It makes me want Butterscotch. I just want to meet someone who likes bacon. Yeah, I don't trust a guy. If I have a thing of Butterscotch candy at my friend, and if you don't take one, goodbye.

Good. I'm like your grandma. It's so important. I'm gonna give you a Saka. Yeah, let me tell you something. I can't suck it, I have to bite it. That's like life, I think that's the way in with life. This is set, work for word.

I saw the tape, we're just doing it. This is it. Yeah, it's bacon and butter scott. Why does bacon take so long at the beginning and then get really fast at the end? It's crazy. Bacon. You make it in the microwave.

It's one of those few things you can just make, everyone just accept it that you can make it in the microwave. And no one had a problem with that. Have you ever turkey bacon? And vegan bacon All right guys, that's all my time my candle has been No, no before that it would be I'll leave you on this yeah, I'll leave you on this Well, I gotta go. But let me see.

There's more people. You're gonna do. I love the rest of the show as much as I love bacon. God, do I hate when people fucking the middle guy goes, all right, guys, I gotta go. And now you're Robert Kelly's coming up. I told the guy this weekend I go, don't send my name on stage. So we're at the I go, do not say you don't need need to tell anybody they know I'm here. Yeah, they get it. There's a photo of me up front.

There's flyers. I don't say my name. I go do your joke say goodnight and get the fuck off. Don't bring me up. I hate you if you do that pet peeve. I got one call me by your name. Hey, Louis. What do you? I did? What do you got? I'll be off all hairline Can we see it? Oh, yeah, it looks you don't know what it ends. You better hurry and check it out now before it's on Like this podcast. Oh, this is ending quick. Yeah, it's already gone. Oh, that fucking Dude grow it. You're kill it. I try. It looks terrible both ways. I want to send my buddy Derek to see you. Remember my best man? Remember we hung out? Yeah. The two of you made me late for my own wedding. Nice talking to you.

I'll come to see you. What do you got, Bellevue? We featuring next month that the improper rubber center in San Antonio. We got some other random dates that don't go see me at those terrible barges. All right. Well, there you go. What do you guys say? Mike is funny. He right, well, there you go. I'm gonna talk to him. Mike is funny. He's funny.

Super funny. Yeah, he is. Zach, what do you got? Zach, then you got, it's the funniest thing ever. He says it the same way every week. Kids, thanks for coming in. Thank you, man. You guys have a good time.

Oh, how about you? Yeah. I forgot the other guy didn't get to say anything. She talked about who she'd fuck. He told his life story and this guy didn't get to say anything. Well, what do you want, what do you, what do you get to say anything she talked about who should fuck he told his life story And this guy didn't get to say anything. Well, what do you want? What do you you get to say? What do you do for work? What do you do for work? I'm actually a meter reader. Oh, that's a bad job. That's the worst job. You have to go. Oh gas meter. Okay, so you go up to somebody's house

See you guys later, bye somebody's house? Yeah, I go up to someone's house, I punch in four digits in my hand and onto the next. See you guys later, bye. Checkoutryocas.com For all the best podcasts on the internet And they're all free And they're all free Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fui, parás! Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

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