Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - KFC Radio Kevin Clancy | Cut The Irish

Episode Date: January 1, 2023

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Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Si no, por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

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Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. He's back again. Old school, back in the day. We're all starting before them all. I'm feeling like I can die you this. This podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. Shut up! You're ruining this! Break the bar, damn it! I'm sorry.

It's not any podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. Original, original. These are reading glasses. Just $2 fucking douchey reading glasses that I can't see anything, but I can read like a motherfucker, like a Superman.

When I put these on, I can read like a motherfucker. When I take them off, I'm blind is a bad. Merry Christmas everybody. Merry Christmas. It is Christmas week. And we're here live in the studio at 12.30 for you people. You guys are watching live on patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. You guys are live right now in the chat room being part of the whole show asking questions, fucking with each other and enjoying it live.

If you want to be that, you can just go there and become a supporter for the price of a cup of coffee. If not, you can watch it on YouTube what you do right now, which I need you to do two things, three things. I want you to hit subscribe, I want you to hit like, and then leave a comment. Tell us what you think. Go to bad. We don't give a shit. That's it. That's all you got to do. We got a great show for you today. Our guest is late, very late. We were supposed to start at 12, but we're starting at 12.30 and now very late. Our other guest that was here was here,

but had to take a phone call, emergency phone call, and they're in the other room right now on the hallway talking to the person that owns everything, the owner of everything. So now it's just me, here alone, but that's fine. I don't mind, I'll sit here and stare at your faces and talk to you. We got a new producer in studio.

We got a new Nikki is becoming old Nikki and fucking hit in the road, like fucking like the Hulk, like Bill Bixby. She's gonna get a stick in a band-danner and tire shit onto it and then hitchhike to another, I don't know where she's going. We got a new guy and he's got that person out. I mean, it's, ah, it's like hanging out with Jim Carrey

when he put the mask on. He's unbelievable. Max, how are you? I'm good, I'm full of energy, as they can see. Very like the mask. The show's in trouble, people. I mean, we're literally going from doll to dollar. I mean, I mean, my God, is there anybody?

I need an assistant. Is there anybody that can come in and be an intern with a little pizzazz in their step? I mean, I got Joe Russell's here Who has the personality? I mean of a piece of fake wood I mean real wood has more personality. He's laminate He's he was big in the 70s and kitchens And then we went to new Nikki who hey man He was big in the 70s and kitchens.

And then we went to New Nikki, who hey man, woo! I feel like I've gotten better though since we met. I mean, you're better than those two. I mean, when you talk, it has more, yes, you've gotten better, but now you're leaving. Yeah, no, I'm real good now. It's everything's great. I wanna go. Okay, good for you.

That's good. But no, Max wants to fill, who, Max? Little Max? Max, how you doing? I'm good. I'm happy to be here. I'm gonna bring, I'm gonna bring it every week. I'm gonna make you proud.

What are you gonna bring, Max? What are you bringing besides low energy and fucking a shitty disposition? No, I'm kidding. Those are two things. Yeah, that's right. See that? I like that.

That was positive. Already, Max, I like that. You bring garbage to the table, but at least you brought something. Good for you. Anyways, so we got a good show for you. Here's, all right, here we go, everybody. Um, anyways. So we got a good show for you. Here's, all right, here we go everybody.

We're back. We got the first guest. Oh, look at a trotting in, and they're a little tight, little outfit. Liz, the GM, those, you're, you're, my pants are, your pants are yoga pants. They're yoga pants.

They're tight. I like them. I'm here in my pajamas. I like them. You look good in yoga pants. I like a nice hot yoga pant. Now I'll be honest I like a and

And please chat room help me out on this fellas. I like a loose sweat pant Would no underwear better than yoga pants Easy access easy assets, but less hotness Oh, easy access. Easy access, but less hotness. Oh, like more to the imagination. I'm not, no, I'm not a fan. I feel like yoga pants. The written nothing to the man.

No, create a hotness, like a, like a heat, like a physical heat. Like your vagis, what? Yeah, like your ass and your vagis, like hot. Like swamp ass. Yeah, like it just looks like it's smushed together and it's just hot. You know, like, you ever put like a knee pad on

because you hurt your knee and then you take it off after the day and the hair is all matted down and sweaty, like an old shitty abused dog. Yeah. I feel like. No, my vage is not like that. It's also freezing in here, so my ass is not swampy and my vage is not swampy. Okay, I feel like here, so my ass is not swampy, and my badge is not swampy.

Okay, I feel like a nice loose sweat pant. I do like a loose sweat pant too. I do, I like that. I enjoy both. I like a nice loose sweat pant. I enjoy both. Yeah. But I feel like I would really look like a trash bag

if I came to work quote unquote. I know. It's crazy. You do. You just roll. Now Liz, for you guys who know know Liz is the manager of all. She is the GM of the comedy seller. Uh, some people love her like me. And a lot of people do not. A lot of people. Eight. Take, I would say take issue.

Let's do the politically correct way. Take issue with your face. I'll take that. I like the word hate better, but you know. I you do. We mean you both. People don't understand though. We were talking about this. The anger or the hate that people get, you'd rather have that than what's really there.

Oh my God. Which is, I mean, very close to it. Just right on teetering on that. Yeah, is some type of prison bitch who will cut you with a, I believe you have a sharpened spoon handle. Right under my tongue. Yeah, you have a razzling tongue. Yeah.

No, I was talking to someone about that. Like, I think I'd be okay in jail. No, you'd be fine in jail. I think I'd kill it. 100% be your shot collar. Kill it. I don't want to do like Buffalo jail. Like, I can't do the cold like that,

but anything like below. Oh, you do Florida jail? I totally do like a Carolina and below. Yeah. Yeah, you make eye shadow out of like burnt fingernails up a bitch who stabbed. Yeah. Yeah, then yeah, you do.

You have all these chicks just licking your snappa. Oh, there you go. Yeah, there you go. There you go, exactly. Oh, that'd be your hair too. You'd straighten. No, it'd be really difficult.

I'd have to find someone straight now. You'd have braided. Look at you sleeping in there. I'm underheaded. Yeah, what are you? Tenderheaded. What did you, if that's not your neck name in jail, right there, tender head. What did you? I've got your nickname in jail right there. Tender head. Tender head.

Headless. Yeah, it's not enough like anger in that. What would be the first thing you do? First angel, what do you do? You walk in room full of bitches. What do you do? You know what? I think like, I think I need a day or two to like

really see what the situation is. So not a word. What group are you joining? You're joining the Puerto Rican. The angryest group. It doesn't matter. Race doesn't matter. You have to find the alpha.

Yeah. So you find the alpha. And then become the alpha. And then you're gonna, what are you gonna do? You're gonna grab your bottom jaw, rip it down to the ground and fucking stomper. I would probably stomp someone. Yeah. Yeah.

And then again, I feel like I'd do well in jail. I think you'd do fantastic in jail. I would survive stop someone. Yeah, yeah. And then again, I feel like I do well in jail. I think you do fantastic in jail. I would survive. Yeah, there you are. How many tats would you get? Huh? Maybe one of the top. You should do it.

It's pretty good. Cause we do get a mustache tattoo like one of those little villains just on one side. And then you just, well, you'll be two faces this then when you're going to kill somebody, you just turn to them. And it has like that. Yeah, and then you do this then you do this right here. Just twist it and they know they're dead Yeah, would you call yourself again itchy hair bitch? No, I'm tender head. Oh tender head. Yeah, what's tender? I like you know like when people try and braid your hair or like

Can't do it. It's yeah So you kill a bitch for bright trying to braid your hair the wrong way. Yeah, yeah, you can't do it. It's, yeah, it's too much. So you kill a bitch for trying to bread, you hear the wrong way. Yeah. Yeah, you do good in prison. You kind of make the seller very prison-esque sometimes. Oh my God. Well, I see young comics walking and their eyes are twitching as they walk by you.

Like they're in a prison lunchroom and you're gonna take their jello and then make them eat your koochi. I would. I could. Ah-ha. Give me that. Now, but why, how long you've been in the business? the jello and then make them eat your koochi. I would. Aha. Give me that. Now, but why, how long you've been in the business?

I've been working for Nome for 17 years. 17 fucking years. Yeah, yeah. Look, man, you can't, all the comics you do with all the things going, you can't just get your love. No. You have to earn it. Yeah, it's like, and also, you know, there are people

that are like trying to climb and try it. And it's just like, don't do that. I don't like that. You hate phony. I don't like phony. You don't, you'd rather take a twat, an asshole, then a phony. Yeah, that's why we get along,

because I think we're both the same way like that. Yeah, we don't like phony. At all. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it and I've had a problem my whole career for this because, because, because I don't like phony. Because when you're phony,

now you make me have to lie. Now I have to, I have to become phony. So if you're phony to me and I know you being phony, I have to go, oh that's cool. Oh yeah, no, no, no, problem. Now I'm a phony. Yeah. To deal with your phonyness. Like, instead of going to go fuck yourself, why would you say that? Because you're lying. I'm not lying. You're a fucking piece of shit. You're an asshole. You're so mean. You're

a bully. Okay, fuck off. I'd rather be that guy than you forcing me into being what you are. Right? 100%. 100%. Fuck them. I don't like that. I just, then you forcing me into being what you are, right? 100%. 100%. Fuck them. I don't like that. I just, you know, that whole, it's like you're not my friend. Yes, we all work together, but just do your work.

Do your job. Fony people stink in all walks of life. In all walks of life. I hate it. Hey, man. Hey. Oh my God, it's so good to see you. You know it's not.

Yeah, I know. So I respect for a sign felt. I do. I should not like him. I respect him. I know. Because that's him. He's not a phony.

He doesn't give a shit. No, he doesn't like me genuinely. He thinks I stink. Genuinely. Genuinely thinks I am not worthy. Mother, son of a bitch. So you had Christmas? I did.

Here? Yes. I did. I was here. By yourself. Well, my parents came up from Florida. Where do they stay? They stay at the Millennium downtown

because they do love the Millennium at the World Trade Center. It's a lovely hotel for those of you that like to visit New York. Yeah, those of you guys like to be scared every day when you hear a plane go over and helicopter. There's no tall buildings right in front of it. I don't like downtown. I think it's sterile and it's creepy.

Downtown, it's funny to me that downtown before 9-11 was, I mean, worse. Yeah. There was no Tribeca. Yeah, no, it was just... Tribeca Film Festival started after September 11th to try to regenerate. And all that stuff now is all hipster shit. Like, all of it was bought up by rich people. And now it's all, I mean, everything is crazy now, right?

Yeah, even like office buildings down there are now apartments and stuff, but it's weird because you go down there and during the day it's like a little bustling maybe from business, but then after seven o'clock it's you. Yeah, vampires and you. Yeah, it's vampires. This vampire is down there. Yeah, all those, I can't say that. Yeah.

I was saying all those bodies from behind there. Oh my God. Sorry, sorry. Sorry. Never forget. Never joke either. You can't joke about that. No.

Never. Yeah, dude. Down there becomes like a horror movie. When the sun goes down in the financial district, it's a horror. It's worse than, well, no, it's not worse than this neighborhood. This neighborhood's worse. I'd rather be in this neighborhood. Because you know all the crazy people.

All the crazy people are, you kind of know them. Yeah. And then the ones that stick out, you know to stay away from them. Yeah. There was that one guy this summer with the white guy with dredge. The dredge. Oh, no, him. Oh, the dredge.

Yeah. I haven't seen him in a while. Huh. Because I think they're starting to put them back in velvvio They're they're sort of Swapping out like he hasn't been around in a while But then there are some new ones that are coming in and then they're the old regulars. Yeah, that's why a lot People don't like winter. I like winter because I know it will kill a lot of these crazy homeless people and rats

I know these yeah I know that the things I don't like in New York will die in the winter. Yeah. I don't like people who like, they see a guy on a heating grate. Cover that grade up. Cover it up.

Cover it up. Cover it up. Take that heat away. You want this life? Well, deal with it. Like the fun, like yellow stone. Like yellow stone? Yeah, deal with it.

The park? Yeah like like those old fucking Jeremiah Johnson man you want to live outside? Yeah, I guess you got a deal with it. Yeah, take that heating Oh my god cover put spikes on it. Yep. That's what I like right there They put I feel like that makes me happy right there when they do that. When they, that makes me, when I walk by a heating grate and there's just mid-evil torture devices on it. Hostile to the homeless. Yep. Fuck you, you pigeon.

Wow. Beat it. There are a hot pigeon. They want to lie right on there because they can put a little blanket, get their box on there. That's like a, that's a one bedroom. That cost most college students, $1,700 a month. Easily. For that much space with heat.

Yep, look at that. Look at the spikes. I love it. Fuck it. Oh, I love it. Didn't I feel bad about saying that? No way. I don't care.

Fuck them. Look at, look how much steel. Look at that. They cover it up. Fuck you. It's right here, but you can't get to it. You can't get to it. Just don't do it.

Look at the one down the bottom over here in the middle. Look at that one. Over there, over to the left down the bottom over here in the middle. Look at that one. Over there, over to the left. Over to the left with the spikes. Look at that. No, down bottom row, second one. Nope. All right, there you go.

Look at that one. Oh yeah, that one's great. Make that big. That's great. That looks like a, me and that looks like a bed from like Bose concept. That looks like a bed, right? Oh my god.

I literally like, oh, that sort of looks comfortable. I buy that from my house. It's like, a great lumbar support. Yeah Yeah and then they stuck a nice spike on it. Good for you. Treat them like pigeons. Oh my god. I don't listen. I look at it. I don't mind if you get a home, Bellevue, Crazy Place, Give a Meds, Fine. Yeah. Get them off the streets. And I work too hard. I don't need you spitting on a windshield and then harassing me at a red light. Yeah, and...

I have windshield wiper fluids. This is a state-of-the-art truck. It has heated everything, automatic high beams. And I have windshield wiper fluid that goes on automatically. It's a nice truck. Yeah, it's a great truck. I don't need you walking up to my car

with your bucket of bum juice. What do you think that is? I'll tell you what it is. I bet it's hot piss. Hot piss and left over beer. Yeah. Yeah. You go buy the library on the beautiful library steps.

40 second and a... On, cross three from Penn. I don't fit that. Oh, the post office. Post office. Post office. The new Penn station. The new Penn station. Beautiful. Go there in the summertime. It is covered with pigeons and homeless people. I say, I say, cover with gas. And then at any point during the day, it might go on fire. I, yeah, man, put those spikes everywhere.

I can't stand it. I don't like homeless people. I don't know if I was run on about this. We were run on and on and on and on. Run on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Cause what? He likes homeless people, but he's so scared of any homeless person. He's such a pussy.

He knows he's a pussy. In Montana. I mean, like somewhere, Montana are one of the decoters. Right. Where, you know, just America is still America. Yeah. But of course, the downtown everywhere, just a bunch of silly bitches with fucking stupid quilted jackets.

Yeah. You know, open up a bookstore and they, you know, they put up, but they put up a sign that said, do not give homeless people money. Okay. Direct them to the shelter which we provide and we will give them food and shelter and rehabilitation. But do not give them money because you're just enabling them

to stay on the streets and drink more and maybe die. And I was like, great, that's a great sign. That's a great sign. And I have a number you could call. And I bet you could call. And I bet you like especially in places like that, they have a very robust system of rehabilitation and or, you know, like, you know, rehoming type system. I mean, you had me. I was really excited about using the word robust and then you fell

apart at the end, rehoming. Well, I mean, what do you say? I mean, just robust, you're a head man. Thank you. robust. What a word, robust. You're robust. Sometimes. Love when you're robust. So tight. But I was like, do a good, fuck them.

And he was like, well, that's harsh. I'm like, what's harsh about it? Well, I mean, you should be able to, you should give, no, you shouldn't. If you give them money Then you're you're prolonging their out. It's going to be drunken in this neighborhood. It's heroin and crack What do you think they're buying a 12-step book and a fucking ham sandwich you moron? Seriously, no, they're not even buying underwear They're smoking crack on my corner guys. No shoelaces. Mm-hmm. He's think he's, he has a, he watched his feet in 19 days.

Yeah. No, don't, don't give him, I give certain homeless people money. There is one homeless guy in this neighborhood. I don't even know if he's homeless, but I do give him, I don't give him money, but like, I'll buy him a pack of cigarettes so I'll give him a drink or something like that

because I don't know, I just, I enjoy his energy. I don't know, I'll just describe it. He's like, he's a little crazy, and he likes to shut down McDougal Street. Like, he'll take the garbage. What? He likes to just shut it down. When it's too much for him,

he'll shut it down to traffic. He'll take the garbage cans and put them in the middle of the street, so no cars can go down McDougal Street. And I don't know, I just, I find this energy very fun. I mean, hang on, I gotta send, I'm sending Nikki, I'm sending you Kevin's thing. So you can text him and he can, text him and just say if you don't need anything, let me know. So I can just, I just know't, I know it sounds mean.

And I'm a recovering alcoholic in drug addict. I should have more empathy for these people. I don't. Well, you, I don't. You did the work and you recovered. Well, you want to be homeless. Be a, go to California. Go somewhere hot.

Go be homeless in a ruba. Go somewhere, the fact that you're homeless in a ruba. Yeah. Get on the plane. Get off the plane. Yeah, stamp your passport being be homeless on the beach. Okay. We'll do it to mech. Go in Mexico. Yeah, go somewhere walk. Go somewhere hot and be homeless. Yeah, when they should be seasonal homeless people like birds. Even the stupid bird. Yeah,. You see him in a V. You should see a bunch of V homeless people making their way down south during the winter. You're an asshole.

Yeah. If you're in New York City in the winter and people are, oh, he's cold. We were driving, we were in Baltimore. And I was with Mike Feney. Your favorite. Oh my God. He just did the tonight show.

He did, he killed. He fucking killed. I didn't see it. I mean, he killed and he got invited on the couch. It's nuts. All right, dig great. He did fantastic. Um, we're coming. We're filming on night. Yeah. This, uh, horror movie. And it's freezing out. And I, you know, I wanted a little soup and seven, eleven was up. So I go, hey, swing this by 7-11. And he's going, oh my God, there's a homeless guy. He's lying face down on the ground.

He's dead. What should we do? I go, oh my God, we should go to 7-11 and get my soup because I'm hot, I'm cold. And I want to warm up in my sweet in the hotel room. I'm in a straight, beautiful downtown hall. I'm in a sweet, so nice. The bed was huge.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah, you don't even, you're not even, oh my, I go, what do you want to do? What do you want to go? Peel them off the sidewalk? And then what? I mean, if he's so passionate about it at that point, then take action.

Don't just say something, take action, and make it your purpose to take action in whatever way you can. But don't just say, oh my God, I mean, either go over, see if you know, dude's fine or whatever, the fuck. Go pick him up. Go give him out to me.

You have a room too, right? Go get him in, you pick him up, walk him into your room, put him in a hot tub. Do you know what I saw? This is reminding me. What? Now that my dog's crying because the doorbell rang you know what I saw this is reminding me what I now that my dogs crying because the doorbell rang Right I saw this video because my algorithm is all dogs and comedy it really sucks. Yeah, cuz you're a fucking

Real lesbian you should be in prison Dogs and comedy I didn't like dick so much Um, and it was this guy in Paris. There he is Don't worry about it, man. Chill out. We're good. Nice. Everybody, please.

Welcome. Hi. Hi. Nice to meet you. That's Gizmo. Kevin Clancy, KFC, the world famous, I mean, Jesus Christ. This is one of the most famous people we've had on the podcast. Ever?

Ever. I mean, we don't consider comedians. No, we don't consider comedians. No, we don't. Right? Maybe in famous at all. Yeah, they're not. No, I mean, no. I mean, this is legitimate like fame.

I like my hoodie. Tell us why. Like my hoodie I'm wearing, like my hoodie, like my hoodie. Okay, dude, you know this is red, you're adorable right now. You remind me of from the car. You remind me of a little, you know those little wooden puppet things when we were kids like Rudolph and he- Yeah, he-

He-Miser, looking at your little nose is adorable. It's a little red nose. If you don't consider the comedians famous, yeah, then do not consider me famous. No, you're fame. I think you're fame. What does he fame for, Bobby? Tell us.

Fame for, I mean his podcast is the the bar stool I mean I mean he's he's a part of the biggest fastest growing entertainment News conglomerate that's hit us since fucking ESPN. I mean bam. I said it. I appreciate all that but I mean come on You have been around way more famous people than me. Dude, you guys started from just a bunch of asshole talking to each other. That's all we are though. I know. I know, which is fucking nuts. That's why we're not famous. That's why America, I love this fucking country. Fucking these three motherfuckers. Maybe four. Just fucking dough, the fucking pats pizza, fucking pussy. Man, if it wasn't for if it was not for the Boston run of sports

while we started, like they co-insided exact same time. Yeah. I mean, we probably know where I mean, you got to think, I mean, the Red Sox started it. No, the Pat started it. Patriot started it. Brady, Brady started it, which is out of the fucking blue. Do you know how much it kills me that as I'm a New York guy? Tom Brady is like so essential to my success, my success of my career. Yeah, you should have a statue. You should have a statue of Brady, the 2004 Red Sox.

Literally beating you, Yankee fan. No, the Metz, yeah. Metz Jets. Oh, I'm so sorry. It's, hey, things are turning around right now for the Metz, but it has been a, a, a, a 35 year long. You sound like a, you sound like a 1998 Red Sox fan. Mm-hmm.

That's the shit. It's been a long run. It's gonna be our year. It's gonna be our year. It's gonna be our year. It's gonna be our year. Break that curse. Now, but we got a guy now who's spending money like it. He's his man, he's spending all of his money. All, actually the thing is he's not. Dude. That's how rich he is.

He's spending a fraction of his money. It's got $14 billion. Yeah. Like the Met's payroll. He spent 500 million on the Met's. He's like, you're fucking cares. Here's the thing with that. I want you to pay my stuff off.

Pay my, if you're listening, if you ever hear this, this is random, this is a shot in the dark. I've thought about that before. Pay it off. I want you to pay my, my house is off, my tiny house and my regular house. I want to pay it. I want you to do it. I used to ask, like, my, my most wealthy guests. I was like, just give me 50 grand. Just give me 50. Yeah. But it'll be a moment. We'll go viral. I'll donate some of it. But just give me 50 grand. Just give me 50. Yeah, but it'll be a moment. We'll go viral. I'll donate some of it. But just give me 50 grand. It's nothing to you.

I think they can't, they can only give you like 909, I think like tax license. Well, do it. I don't want that. I don't want 10,000 installments of 999. I don't buy it. I think there's a certain, I want you to pay my stuff. I just want you to pay all my, my amixes, my credit card. I want you to pay everything my house

Everything I want you to pay it all off and I want to be fucking clean It's like when you get caught cheating the sun I remember I got caught cheating. I know is that come zone? It's true. It's true. Thank you. Jesus. That is very true. You know what I mean? I want that. The shackles are off. You're like, yeah, I did it. Let's go. Well, I very, very luckily this year is finally

where some of my barstool equity, oh, concussion. What a good word. And I have that on the horizon and it is like, oh my God. So you should give us some money. You might be that guy. Hey, B, God willing one.

Dude, I promise if I have Steve Cohen money, I will pay off anything you want, Bobby. I, dude, it might take a little while to get to 14 billion, but. I hope it happens next month. I hope something happens with bars, though. Well, it's about a month. It's about a month.

I'm talking gazillion. And I, but it's gonna be a nice amount of like it made it all worth it because it's been a fucking I I just want you a ginger face on time magazine We a little red nose. That's what we'll never get that's bar stool could Portnoy could become president and they'd still you know shut us because they just can't People can't get over the fact that I don't know you can be funny and funny and honest and that doesn't mean you're scumbag and you can actually still be smart and you have, and have opinions on things, you know, it's like, well, you know, you're going to say, and that's why you guys are bulletproof because like, I, you know, I'm a big

fan of him too, but he's bulletproof. You got to, because you can't, I am, that's what, you guys do what comics do. Okay? The reason why you can't fuck with us is because we don't, we're literally, we're telling you everything that's wrong with us. We have no skeletons. Nope. Everything's on the table.

And if you bring up a skeleton that we might have forgot about, we'd be like, oh, I did do that. You own it. The ability to be like, oh, whoops, fucked did do that. You own it. I did. The ability to be like, oh, whoops, fucked up. Yeah. What I try to teach my son. The real thing is when you have a fan base

that knows you, likes you, and follows you and fucks with you no matter what, you can't stop that. You can, like, I mean, they've come after barstool, you know, the royal they all of these people. A million times they've come after me personally, like three, four, five times. And every time I'm like, I used to get nervous, I used to think this is it.

Oh, you know, this is the time we all, it all goes to hell. And then every single time the people who hate you, continue to hate you. And the people who like you continue to like you. But so why do we even do this dance anymore? But they also bring more people to you. Well, that's true to it. It's like I need to say Something fucked up. Yeah, because I need more people into me. Right. I need to really say some fucked up shit I'm gonna say it right now. What you guys on it? You guys to come with me. You mother fuck it.

I swear I I listen to you on Rogan. Um, I don't even know when that appearance was, but I listened to it a couple days ago. Was that recent? Every compliment. Yeah, no, seriously though. Story.

This is I, I watched Killbox and then I watched you on Rogan. And I was like, before if he said you sucked on both, no, no, I, your life story needs to be a fucking movie. It's crazy, right? And I'm not just saying that. Like that is some shit. And in the best of ways, and the worst of ways, heartbreaking, it's inspirational, it's all that.

And if you, you know, I'm not even kidding, if there's a producer or director that like, you know, wants the rights, that's your way out. Sell those rights, man. As you can, I say. Yeah, do it. Do it. It is that's your way out. Sell those rights, man. As you camera say. Yeah, do it. Do it. I, it is, it is an unbelievable story.

And as you're telling the ups and downs, mostly, you know, when it ends on the ups, I'm like, this guy is a fucking legend. And like, yeah, everybody knows Bobby Kelly and everybody knows you're a legend in comedy, but I was like, you're a fucking legend of like life. This shit you've gone through and what, like, you're a fucking legend of life, this shit you've gone through, and where you made it, after all of that, I was like, that's what I reach out,

and I'm like, I wanted to set this up and then I'm a fucking hour late, like an asshole, but I was like, it's fine. I, this guy deserves, you know, the amount of credit and success and fame and money that you have. Yeah.

Ten times that is what you deserve. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Pay my stuff off. Somebody out there that's listening to this. You didn't know this podcast until he was on. You're like, I love, yeah, let me go. Check it.

And now pay my shit off. I deserve it. I had a hard fucking life. You did, dude. I mean, if anybody deserves it. You know what's gonna suck? This is gonna suck. I'm gonna probably wind up writing this down

and coming up with some one-man show. And then I'll do it. And I'm gonna probably wind up writing this down and coming up with some one mantra, and then I'll do it, and I'm gonna do it like Chaz Palmitter, I'll be 62, and I only have seven years. You want it now, that's it. I want it right now. Honestly, don't you think that we, I want it right now. I think that we've, we've, we're doing life wrong.

When you consider that you basically give up in a way, like your 30s and 40s, and even like 50s when you consider that you basically give up in a way like your 30s and 40s and even like 50s when you have kids. Like yeah, it's a yes. I'm here. I'm with it. It's fulfilling. You love them. That.

That. That. That. As far as living your life and your career and doing what you want to do in travel and this and that. And it's like, oh, I'll do that. You know, when they go to school or when I'm retired, it's like, yeah, when I'm 65 and I'm shaking diapers, yeah. Well, because that, here's the thing, is a lot of people,

I know a lot of people, friends of mine, who are alone right now who don't have anybody. They're not married, they're not having kids. And they kind of get bummed out, they see me. Look, I love my family, I am a family guy, but I'm looking at Christmas. I think, you know, I see me look I love my family. I am a family guy, but I'm looking at Christmas I think you know, I think it's shit Men and I'm gonna say this yes, this is my sasjonistic. Yes, I'm gonna say

Women you women of the and we don't get and we want equal and then and men listen, you know what men get? Fucking nothing at Christmas. Why did you get nothing? Because that's what men do. We got to get, we don't get all this shit. We wear all the shit. We get, we get, we get you not home. No, I gotta go work.

Cause you want a saxophone for Christmas. So I gotta go to fucking Buffalo for four days. And then I gotta go right to Nashville. And I gotta go right to Nashville and I gotta swim over to San Antonio and I gotta fucking work my twad off. Okay, cause I gotta pay, and then on Christmas, you're gonna open up a bunch of shit

and you know what, she's gonna get a Louis Vuitton thing from that, yeah. And then I'm gonna get, and then you know what, dad gets, I got socks, I got a fucking hoodie, a black, blank hoodie. Mm. Russell brand. I got fucking, I got fucking, I got little gots. And we, you know, the present, your hand and the mouth.

Here's this, here's this, and then they'll hand you, hey dad, here's this bag. Dooth pick holder. Am I kid opened up, I got him a bike. He not opened it up, but you know, here it is. He can't wrap a bike. Yeah, and he goes, it's not Spider-Man. Oh, mother fucker. Who's blue, but it wasn't Spider-Man.

I was like, I'm gonna draw a fucking Spider-Man on the side, Goddamn it. Here's what my kid did to me, and you tell me if I did the right thing. As a dad, and I know you you because you're your comedy mother. Yeah. And you have to deal with that. So that's how you have a million kids right.

Yeah. A lot. So you know Liz right? No. I Liz is the GM of the comedy. Oh god. So you're the yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. There's no one either. Yeah. And then there's fucking Liz. Right. And then you know, look at her. She's just a prison guard. She's a prison bitch. Look at her. She's just seeing that as the mean bitch. Um, so my kid said to me a year ago, I go, you go to jiu jitsu free, I'll get your Sony PlayStation. So, you know,

it's coming up. He's like, Dad, which already, by the way, is a great move to be like, dude, and then you get that. Sure. Something that's, you know, productive and coming up. He's like, Dad, I- Which already, by the way, is a great move to be like, due to this and then you get that. Sure. Something that's, you know, productive and all that. 100%. So he does that. I get him a Sony PlayStation in the summer because I know it's for Christmas. So then he says to me, you know, he's a, he wanted a phone.

And it's $10 a month to add on my thing. I'm like, fuck it. I'll get him a phone. How old is he? He's nine. I understand. But here's the thing. You're out, it's, I, at least the, the phone I can call you. Yeah.

I got you, motherfucker. You know where he is at all time. Right. Like his mom, I put her a watch. I got you, Ben. You know what? And I think this is a gift for you. It's a gift for me.

And here's the thing my wife doesn't know, and I'll say this. There's none of her friends. Listen. And she doesn't listen. She doesn't mind anything to do with anything. wife doesn't know and I'll say this is none of her friends listen and she doesn't listen She doesn't mind anything Unless I'm doing a gig in a rubah I'm gonna cleave and go fuck yourself GPS I was gonna say do you want to follow her though? I will

Just to check that your embellish. I hope I'm going to start. I'm going to stop and shop. And this big to go back me blowing a guy and fucking CRV. How fucking sneak up with our son and we'll both pull up. Look at mommy's a whore bag. Look at mommy. Do you want to live with that slut Max?

That's healthy. Yeah. Look at her blowing the guy who puts the carts back. I mean, you'd hope that she'd at least go for the manager. I'm getting hard. Just thinking I was gonna say. Yeah, maybe leave the kid at home. Yeah, enjoy yourself. Fuck the hottest thing you slip in the back and put my fucking packer right next to his. Oh Lord. put my fucking packer right next to his. Oh, Lord of Mercy. No, of course I don't do that. Uh huh.

Never. Sure you. But, so anyways, I got him a phone, because I can track him, right? So then all of a sudden he's like, you know, saxophone, he's into the saxophone. And I'm like, fuck, he wants the saxophone. For months now, he's gonna take band, he's in the chorus.

You know, and I'm all for that. Dude, that's a good thing. Great. But he's like, Dad, You know, and I'm all for that. Dude, that's a good thing. Great. But he's like, Dad, maybe I'll get a saxophone for Christmas. I'm like, nah, nah. I'm like nah, probably not. And his mom's like, no. So then he's like, well, you never know.

He keeps saying, you never know. I might, if I don't, maybe, that's fine. But I'm talking. So three days before Christmas so three days before Christmas, three days before Christmas, he goes, I mean, every day he's bringing up the saxophone. We go over, all right, I gotta kind of go back a little bit. We go to Lewis Gomez's house, Lewis J. Gomez,

right, he's in the, of course, yes. Doggy, J. Lewis J. Gomez has a party, my son and his son are best friends. Okay. Soon to be lovers Someday we're gonna catch them. That's fine. Someday. It's gonna happen in a bunk bed. Yeah, I mean But it's a nice so we go to his house for a Christmas party the day before Christmas Eve, right Friday night He has this is what a fucking psychopath Lewis Gomez is. He's crazy. He has Yankee Swap with children.

So that means my son gets this awesome gun, Nerf gun, and then this other fucking peasant kid who I don't know, goes, I want it, snatches it out of my kids. Oh, see, I don't fuck with that. That's an adult I don't. When you're nine years old. Then he gives him a shick, his little other gift. So then he's my kids like, all right, whatever.

The kid after him grabs that gift and hands my kid a chia pet. Oh. Max is like, oh, no. Looks at me like, yeah. But doesn't he get to steal back or something? No, because he's too lazy already went. Oh.

He's fifth. So, and then, so everybody's bummed out. All all the kids are like fuck except for two kids who got gifts And one of the cool gifts was from my family. Yeah, fuck that so then I'm like Lewis have a secret Santa Yeah, everybody you don't steal a gift. This is an adult game for offices you fucking idiot and even then they're stupid I hate all that shit, but then he goes dude they're gonna look someday they'll get what they want to get snatched out of your hand Stranger's gonna take everything away from you one day That's not checks out. That's Lewis. Why parents were snatched away from you. Absolutely Then he hires his buddy Bob to dress as the Grinch and the Grinch comes up and steals all the kids toys.

I look on the couch, there's a little girl with bangs. Crying or I don't know. Crying with bangs. I saw a video with that. Straight bangs. Anna comes down, everyone, all the kids are cheering. The Grinch comes down and terrorizing. The kids are hiding under a piano.

Like again, a bomb shelter screaming and crying because the Grinch is terrorizing the whole basement. He took the package away from the girl, she's crying. Ah, he took me and the mother's like, the mother's like a guest mother, she's not like a friend much. She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, where's your toy? He took it downstairs.

He took it to the dungeon. To the dungeon. He's moving to the dungeon. I was like, Lewis, what, it? Go to go to learn. Wow. Seven. It was traumatizing. I go back and forth though,

because there is some, it's like my kids are spoiled rotten right now. And I'm not even, I don't even think I'm that bad at spoiling them, but it just happens. If you grow up with any sort of means, you just automatically become spoiled. I know, if you grow up with any sort of means, you just automatically become spoiled. You know what I mean?

Unless you start to like intentionally with whole things or terrorize them, like Lewis does, what, you know, how do you teach them? You know, it's like, you don't have to put me in all this money and doing all this work if you're not going to use your family. But then you give it to your family

and you create little assholes. Well, you know, well, here's the thing. My son, this is my son, did to me. The day Christmas Eve, he said, he goes, dad, I might get a saxophone to me and the mom. Guys, I might, me and my mom, I was like, no, she got kind of mad, like, Max, it's not going to, and he goes, you guys don't believe anymore

That's okay if I get what I don't if I believe I might and if I don't it's okay, too But you guys don't believe anymore and that's all right, and I went to Sam ash I'm gonna smash immediately. I want three of them. I bought him. How much does it cost? I called. I couldn't even, I want to get so much. Yeah, $7,000.

Shut, no, it don't lie about us all. Okay, I don't like him that much. But how much is the saxophone? It's $400. I could have bought one for 200 that's used and had some fucking. Yeah, but it's someone who's so livin' it. And he also had your kid as her bee.

Yeah, whoops. Yeah, sorry. Some'm proud of you Asian kid No, just Nope, I had dense in it fuck that nope I bought him a new one. I got it would come with everything and warranty blah blah blah I have 48 days to return this I was gonna say which you'll probably do because now your house is just like Every Wednesday when Bobby's on the road, he's like,

practice that sex. That's what you should do on Sunday. You should lock up the saxophone until you're gone every week. Show it. Hi. I didn't give it to him. I love fucking with my kid.

I don't like just letting him have the president. Right. Every year I hide the one he really wanted. Yeah. So I had the neighbor next door, Mark, in the purple house. And I dropped it at his house. So I went over his house the next day and got it and put it outside.

And then the next day after Christmas, so he opened the door. Like the 26th. No, the 25th. On the Christmas. Oh, okay. So that day he opened all his presents, didn't get it. And he was like, he was fine.

Right. He was fine. He was like, it's okay. I love him. My kid's cool as shit. Cause he was like, I love all my stuff. See, that's how you know he did good then. I did good, hey, it's okay. I love him. He was, my kids cool as shit. Because he was like, I love all my stuff. See, that's how you know he did good then. I did good. And he does deserve it.

And he does, and then went off for the trash. And he came and he grabbed it. And he was like, I got it. I believed. I mean, in my head, I'm like, is he still doing Santa? Is this, or like, because you know what? Yeah. Fuck Santa. You deserve that credit. You know, I want to tell my kids, this is not Santa.

This took a lot of work and money and time and yelling and fighting and, you know. I got him the PlayStation. So you get the credit from that. Well, here's the thing, my wife says, we wrapped the gifts from us. We, the Santa gifts aren't wrapped. Oh, okay.

Eh, at least you can get some sort of credit. I get nothing. You get everything from Santa. Everything from Santa. Young, it? Everything's from Santa. Young, seven and five. So I still want it to be Santa, but you know, even my kid loves Nintendo Switch and Nintendo games are this big nowadays. Yeah. And they come in a regular box, but the actual game is this big.

So I wrapped up just the game. Oh my god. And I gave him this little thing. Matchbox. And he, and it was kind of the same thing. The one thing you want it was this video game. And he went through everything else and he was happy, but I could see that he was like, where's Hyrule Warriors?

I was like, what's that thing over there? He's like, that's the same size. You got to fuck with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You feel just, if it's great. You got to make him earn it. Make him fuck. Yeah, a little something.

Feel, feel shitty. You didn't get it for a couple minutes. And then, yeah. Yeah, feel sad, come close to suicide. No, you know what I mean? Like maybe I'll take my PSP, put it in the tub, and I was in a plan, I'll just drop it in the tub, because I didn't get my saxophone.

You know what I mean? And then right where you're there, where you're thinking about suicide, you get it and you come back and you learn, you don't have to kill yourself. This is how you create a comic, is what you're doing. You're slowly building somebody with personality and with humor, you know?

But my wife was like, you know, he has to, I go, why does he have to learn at nine? You don't think life is gonna do that. I was gonna say that you have decades of life disappointing you, you do not need to start the clock on that at under 10 now You know to start the clock on that until as late as possible I feel like it's almost your job as a parent make them not have to go through that right. I'm not do I'm not you know what I've actually flipped on this whole fucking the whole idea

Yeah, it's like what who says so why why can't they just grow up and have nice things and as long as they're nice people fucking yes Yeah, I have a whole bunch of nice shit. So what yes Fuck more people I don't I don't care about homeless people. I just don't well. I mean when you live you that another thing here like The the difference when you say homeless people or what do they call now on? Unhoused people. Oh fuck that like the people who when you say homeless people, or what do they call them now, unhoused people. Unhoused people. Oh, fuck them.

Like the people who are saying that, I call them book of notes. Where do you live? And what's your experience with people like that? You know what I mean? Because I don't live there. I don't live there. I'm talking about other people.

You know what I mean? But like when you live in New York, and it's just part of your everyday life, and it's like, yeah, you know, if you donated or helped every single person, you'd never do anything else in your life. No. And they'll have more money than you.

Oh yeah. I mean, they have a lot of money. Dude, there's a dude downstairs who comes here and begs outside of my moons. This motherfucker has a job and has always has on brand new Air Force ones. But he's making banks. I was always told, look at the shoes.

Because there are scammers who will dress up and they'll look a certain way, but they're in shoes. The fuck are brands, they're always the way to tell. Yeah, and look at the knuckles. You wanna tell if she's a hooker. Are they mate and just like that? Look at her knuckles.

If she has dried dirty knuckles, that's a whore. Yeah. That's true. That's a whore. That's a hooker. It's one of those things where, again, like you wish the world was a perfect place and everybody was happy and, but the first time that you know, you give money to somebody and you realize you get scammed by a fucking scam artist who's just out there on the corner

making a buck off everybody. You're like, all right, wait a minute now. I just don't look at. I say, I think they should migrate like fucking birds. Wouldn't you just start walking? Yeah, goodbye. Around, maybe August, mid August, I'd start walking down. Just start walking.

Yeah. Hit the turn pipe. You can stop on, you know, rest stops and beg there. Long beg, some free food and take a bus. Take a bus. I'll do buses. I'll donate to buses down to Florida during the winter. A homeless bus migration where we put them all,

hey guys, time to go, August, August 15th. That's fair. Wrap it up and we put them all on buses down to fucking the south, so they can live down there in a mangrove bush in St. Pete. Isn't it a win-win? Yeah, you know? Go sleep in the sand next to a fucking lizard. When I lived in Florida, there was one homeless dude.

I lived across the street from the beach. Yeah. So there was one old guy who lived on the beach. Sure. Yeah, because you're not even homeless then. You just live on the beach. Yeah, literally he was old. He lived on the beach.

He had a great life. He walked up and under me. Not a great life. But he walked up and down the beach. Yeah, like a little hut. He had a shack. Yeah, what? That is a great listen to me. It's as a father, as a husband, as a guy who has to do all the shit, right?

Okay, that's a, that is a good life. Dude, you give me a 10 on the beaches of LA of California, Florida. Yeah, sign me the fuck. I don't have to shower every day. What are you doing? No, you're just going the water. I can wear the same clothes every day. But one of my biggest regrets is not just being like,

fuck it, I'm gonna go be like a bartender in the Bahamas. Oh, like, and just make some cash and live on the beach. Rent by a jet ski, rent them out for $100 every half hour and live, you know, serving drinks. How about this? I said, if you have a jet ski, that's how you get to your job. Back and forth.

And then rent it out there while you're working. And then the way home like, buy a jet ski, that's how you get to your jaw. Back and forth. And then rent it out there while you're working. Yeah. And then the way home, jump on your jet ski, go to your little hot, fuck some island people. Beautiful girls, and tourists.

Yeah, have island babies. Slings, slings, slings, like that. Little dark kids with red hair, and red noses running around. Beautiful,

beautiful mix almost babies. You do it. Fucking beautiful kids you'd make make me and some island chick. Oh, come on. Oh my, that's how fucking Jezell was made. Just a Mexican fucked an Irish dude. In Brazil. In Brazil.

Something. I mean, that's how Brazilians were made. That's true. Yeah. And then we had a Brazil kid. A little apocalyptic woman. Fuck that. Ginger like you.

And I went out European. Looking for a way out. And then Jizal was born. The beard is too ginger for me. When I don't have, when I just have a little bit of scruff, there's no red. I get ginger a lot more when I have the beard. I, you're throwing ginger around too much.

You don't like the ginger. You're not ginger like 10 times on me. What's your ginger? You don't like the ginger? No, come on. What's your ginger? You don't like the ginger? No, come on. You know the connotation of the ginger. All right, so you're listening. I listen, you're more ginger than sandy blonde.

Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. You're close to sandy blonde. And I was kid I was blonde, you know, and then I just started going, I knew he was like gray, black, and red. It's like disgusting. Ginger is the n-word fool. In Irish, yeah. It's just a it's like, it's like, ginger is the and word fool. Irish.

It's just a lot. I'm so sorry. You know what? Because I know I'm not a big fantasy word. Yeah, don't be. Now, and you're not, you're not, because you don't have a dead tooth. Yeah. Yeah. I'm missing some of the,

you know, yeah, you know, some of the ginger, just the freckles all over your face is when it's 100% Irish. Yeah. It's, you got to cut the Irish a little bit. You are, you it is when it's 100% Irish? Yeah. You gotta cut the Irish a little bit. You know. Yeah, you can't go full Irish. No, you go full Irish, you have the teeth,

and you can look like, you know, not great. No, yeah, look at these people. Yeah, look at it. Oh, Lord of Mercy. I mean, that is, come on. That's what you know. But you know, instead, if that guy's mom is Italian, instead, first let's say, all of a sudden,

it's like a nice little combination, you know? That, listen, 100% right, you have to cut that with something. Yeah. I mean, I think it should be illegal for two people like that to have sex. Honestly. See that? I mean, that is fucking mind-blowing. We're teetering on like eugenics here, but I kind of think there should be certain people

that are not allowed to breed. I know. For the good of the kid. You know? For the good of the world. Nobody wants it. For the good of the kid. For the good of the world. Nobody wants to be the good of all of us. Yeah, again, win, win. That kid doesn't have to grow up looking like that.

We have to look at you. That poor child. Yeah, imagine the abuse that poor ginger gets as it grows up. Yeah, you need to, you need to. I would kick the shit out of that kid. Something like, you need a black person to fuck his mom. Yeah. And then have that baby and that black person to fuck his mom.

And then have that baby, and that baby needs to fuck like an Italian person. And then it's the perfect point of that. Then you gotta fuck some, then that baby has to fuck a Spanish person. And then get back to white. And then go back to white. And then fuck a white.

And then we're good. That's a good part. I think that's you. I think that's you. That's where we all came from, right? Yeah, yeah, you're not a ginger, I apologize. The amount of... You're a black, you're a black Spanish,

Spanish Italian white person. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. The bullying though, when you do, when you are a full ginger, it's like that kid, you know, what are you gonna do for that kid? Yeah, but can I, I think can I just stop you?

I'm sorry, you're wrong. There's no ginger that's ever been bullied. Ginger's, this is a fact, this is a, I'm about to say a Kelly fact, and you can Google this. I guess, navel fact. It's a thing, Kelly fact. It's like a made up. No, this is a Kelly fact, look it up.

Okay. Go. This, Ginger's are califact. Look it up. Okay. Go. This gingers are the bullies. Now, every movie. A Doyle rules. Yeah, I guess. Every fucking movie ever made. Children of the corn, Malachi.

Fucking frightening. Fucking Christmas story. Every single bully has been a ginger. It's a fact They're the ones that scare the pee you scare the shit out of that's the thing. They're they're they're scary Yeah, they're scary so they're like get the ugliest creepy as scary as And and yeah for every one that might be Ed Sheeran or a fucking bully in a movie There's like a thousand who are just like hey look at these Who's this poor girl just getting fuck I know. Yeah, she's

Don't bring up adorable kids Yo the bullying I mean I bullied a ginger girl red head bullies. They're all no It's that it's that kid right there ginger bully on the third road second second row third down. Oh, yeah That's a kid he went he went viral back in like early 2000s and said, genders have no souls and then South Park did their thing. And it honestly was born like as a joke from the internet, but there's truth behind it like every other joke. So yeah, look at that kid. Look, it looks like he cuts his hair with a fork and knife and he, you know, has no soul as he says and everybody hates him. That's next thing, you know, but look at his face.

Look at his face. Look at his face. Look at his eyes. I don't know how I'm gonna deal with. You ever read it? No, but my kids are thankfully good looking. And they look like their mom and they. Because you were cut, you were cut. Yeah, I cut and then she cut and it kinda,

we ended up with good looking kids. But we got our first taste of it where my kid comes home, he's five and he says to me, I want to go to the gym. I love it. And he's like, do I have muscles? And he always do when his scrunch on his face, not his arms, but they're not even flexing. And I'm like, what is this about? And he's like, you know, Joe Smith said, I don't have any muscles.

Yeah. And I was like, fuck Joe Smith. Yeah, of course. He's a little fucking kid. And he's like, I'm gonna start working out. But it's also a good thing. So he starts trying to do pushups. And he's like lifting his little weights.

And he's like, look, I have muscles now. After one session, he's like, I'm gonna go into school tomorrow and show him how big my muscles are now. And the kid continues to be like, nah, you have little muscles in the shit. And then now we got our first, he hid him and my kid threw his legos, broke his legos. And part of me wants to be like,

what's this kid's address? Cause I'm gonna go burn his fucking house down. You know, part of me is like, I gotta just let this life take the court. Yeah, you know, you don't wanna be the, you're gonna go through the tech parent. Yeah know, part of me is like, I gotta just let this life take the court. Yeah, you know, you know, you know, you're gonna go through the fact parent. Yeah, but I'm part of it. Yeah, yeah, I'll hunt these fucking people down. But, you know, like, I'm also like, is my kid totally innocent in this?

I don't really know what's going on. You have to teach your kids to defend themselves and to stand up for themselves. I mean, like, I remember being a kindergarten. And my father, who at that time was still a NYPD, police detective, was like, I guess someone said something to me or to my sister, my younger sister, and I told my father and my father lost his shit. He was like, what, you don't let someone do that to your sister, he's like, if someone hits you,

you hit them that hard. So that's what I said. And I'm like, it's like, all right, and that's a life lesson. Yeah. He, he, this kid punched him like a, I think like in the chest. He didn't like hit him in the face, but he kind of, you know, and, you know, I'm listening to what the teacher said and then what his mom said. And then when I got him alone, I was like, here's the real deal. Somebody does that again. You punched him back. Yeah. I told well, you have to stand up for your stuff. Right? I don't know. I know. You have to stand up for your stuff. I said to him, him, if someone does that to you again,

and before I could finish, he was like, I should get up and leave. And like, you know, avoid, and I was like, no, no, wrong, wrong. I gave him a knife. I maxed one through the same thing. I gave him a knife. And I said, okay, weaponry, you cut that for me.

Like, you fucking never. Now, teacher says that you cut her too. You never know. You're not the one. You're not the That teacher says that you cut her too. And you let her know. Leave him on the pool. You're not the one. Leave him on a pool of blood and say, I'm the captain now.

Just go, I'm not the fourth grader. Okay. That you want to be doing this with. That's what you say. That's right. It's true though, man. No, Max went through that. And he said to me, it was a dorkbo.

I gave him full permission. I go, you have full permission to go and beat that kid up. And he goes, bad, I don't wanna hurt anybody. That's awesome, though. He knows that he, that's, is he, you know, could he handle himself? Well, I was like, that's awesome. Pussy.

No, I'm kidding. Well, I put him in Jiu-Jitsu. Right, right. I have a Jiu-Jitsu. Max, my kid is not a sports guy. He's just not, he loves sports, he plays basketball. He can't run, he runs like the daughter from Taken. Oh my God.

You know what's so good about that? That is an exact, like if you know it, you know it. If you know it, you bought on. He just, and I've tried, pick your legs up. Like he runs like a llama. He runs like a llama. You know, I mean, it's just like a ostrich just It has no cadence to it. Yeah, this girl running is Running is the one she runs the hug hug. It's leave me sit on parents like what's so bad? So she so he

He I mean look, it is what is and the kids the couple East go like to them he stinks It shouldn't you know you should quit the team and he came all bombed out that see that kind of stuff like it Gills me yeah, and that's where like I will kill those kids Yeah, I will break your neck in the middle of the night. I was I was sneaking to your house and You're dead. I don't want to kill him. I just want to I want to threaten their long lives But I want to grab their parents. Well, so there's a, I have a dad's happy hour

that's been planned. And what is that? I don't fucking know. So I'm on an email chain and so yeah. These things are the fucking devil because everyone's connected now. So there's a text chain that I'm on. No, a word divorce.

So I have to be on everything too. I can't just be on it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So I gotta know what's going on. Cause I was sitting there, I don't know what you just let her do that. I gotta do all the earlys, be a prize of all this. So I'm on my things.

You shopped clean, cook. Right. I'm just, I'm like, I'm like, all right. I'm like, I love you. There's one, there was one for this one woman very nicely said, how about I take the school pictures and get Christmas ornaments made of your kit,

just send some money to my Venmo and I'll make you Christmas ornaments and the whole class can have Christmas, whatever. I'm never gonna do it, but it's a nice little thing thing whatever sure this one woman hits the chain and it's like is anybody upset about the The quality of their Ornament and a bunch and a bunch and a bunch of them are like no lines great I love mine. Thanks so much and this girl's like I was really upset with the quality of mine Like I'm gonna look into a refund. It was oh my god

17 it's your kids face on it So with the quality of mine, I'm gonna look into a refund. It was, oh my God. 17 dollars. It's your kid's face on it. 17 bucks. Just look at your kid. Dollars, dude. Maybe your kid's ugly. What the fuck? And then the chain's, I'm sorry, everybody starts talking.

I'm like, and then I'm on this email for this dad's happy hour, which whatever, I don't know, some guys wanna get together and have some drinks. I would prefer to just do that with my regular friends. I don't know, some guys wanna get together and have some drinks. I would prefer to just do that with my regular friends. I don't need new friends, you know? But I don't know, maybe I need to meet some people. Again, but again, as a divorced dad,

sometimes I'm like, I don't have any connect, like I can't set up a play day for my kids because I don't know any of the parents. But now my plan is like, now I'll have to go to this and I'll find the parent of this kid who's bullyin' to this and I'll, you know, I'll find the parent of this kid who's bullied my kid and I'll break a bottle or I'll kill him, you know what I mean? Yeah. So, I do know you.

So there's some value there, you know. Yeah, yeah. We're now turning this into a, but here's the greatest part. This is what you do. I suggest this, befriend him, like become real close. Right. Like go to dinner, don't do it right away.

Like take like eight months, go to dinner, take him to a game, you know, go in a city. You know what I mean? Get him a couple of mandates. Yeah, go like months go by. You guys become the closest friends now. Start hookin' up with him. Yeah, you guys, yeah. I don't know, maybe not hook up.

Yeah, I've a blowjob's wrong. Yeah, right, I like where you goin' right? Lovers, right? And then one night he wakes up and you're standing over him, right? I like where you're going, right? Lovers, right? And then one night he wakes up and you're standing over him, right? Nate, and then you fucking, you motherfucker. Hey, Kav, who's got big muscles now? Who's got the big muscles?

What do you mean, man? No, no, no, I thought, and then fucking. Sssh! The sword through us. Oh, yeah. Through the sword you bought him. Yes, yeah, because he loves game of thrimes. Yeah, shit like that. Yeah, you like, yeah. Oh, yeah, the sword you bought him. Yes. Yeah, cuz he loves game of drawings. Yeah shit like that You're wearing the face like like a brave heart Mary drops the mace and he

I have the mace yeah, yeah, that's how you do it. That's it. That's the lesson for the kids make him fall in love with you Wouldn't that be great if it my kids like so where's your dad? It's like he's locked up 25 to life He killed another father No, he befriended another father. It's the other way. It's like where's your dad? We haven't seen him in three months since he went to medieval times with your dad.

He's in little pieces all over. He's run the bird. He's gone. Somebody sent his pinky back to us. I'm gonna get in trouble for this. I hope nobody listens to that. I'm not gonna get it. No, people don't understand how hard it is

because of where, you know, we're out there all the time. And then you go and you meet people that know what you do. Oh yeah. Hey man, sorry, and it's like, oh shit. I hate to say it, but I almost, I know, you know, we should be, if you're gonna make fun of somebody and clown them and shit, you should own it and shit, be up about it. But I liked it better when Barça was smaller and we control people anonymously.

Like, if there's a news article about a celebrity and we used to write blogs, we were writing them podcasting and we would make fun of them. And it was all good fun. And now that shit gets back to people. Yeah. It's like, well, fuck, now I don't really want to, I mean, I'm not really, you know. I've said stuff on this show, which I'm 100% sure people don't listen to. And you know how to though? And people get back to me about it.

And I'm like, ah shit, you heard that? Yeah. And it's like, you listen to my show. I would never listen to yours. What are you doing? Yeah, because we's like, you listen to my show. I would never listen to yours. What are you doing? Yeah, because we don't, like I never say anything. I don't want to. I'm actually going to kill your dad.

I'm not going to actually murder homeless people as a vigilante at night to save your power source. Is it power? Come on. I didn't smell it. I didn't order a special hoodie with knives inside and a flame flow throw to burn these people. I'm not the one making spikes on the heating

grates around New York to keep these savages off there, just to kill them in the middle of the night. Fuckin'. Yeah, that's good. Put heating ducks around so they can last, take it all away. Take it all away. I say we take their boxes away too.

No more boxes. You want to be homeless, you're homeless you gonna be homeless you are legit the Grinch taking away the last little thing Give me the box to come on. This is the only city. There was a homeless dude that lived on Around the corner for me on Polikar Street in a doorway this motherfucker had a TV. I know they have Iphone Frigil and they all have fucking phones. Yeah, look, I'll say this though, at least our homeless people are almost true homeless. LA homeless, that's camping. Oh yeah, my amy homeless is like that too. Miami homeless is legit. Yeah, fucking Austin, you can't be.

Oh, come on. You're just camping. First of all, if it's never cold, you're in a shit. So we can write all that off, you know? Yeah, you're just living. I don't know, you know, it was fucking six the other night. Six degrees.

What the fuck do you do? I tell you what you do, you go pick up those fucking frozen homeless bodies, put them in a dump truck, and clean this city up. It's, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Great, it's been great guys. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, you, it's been great, guys. No, I can't. You have him kidding.

You don't do that. Oh, no. I'm going to donate money to almost shelter stuff. We all are. I feel terrible. We all are. I feel terrible. I can see it.

I can see in your face. I'll bad you feel. You give it to almost people? No, I've been here my whole life. I have, I went through the phase of when I first started working in the city, like feeling like I would see people in my heart breaks and I'm like, oh my God. And then I got, you know, I would give this guy money and this person money and the people who live on that corner were laughing at me being like, oh, that guy,

that guy, you know, he's got a job, he's got an apartment, he's got a, and I get scammed up by a fucking fake veteran and the drug addict is not a worse. One time I stole a file, I was in Hoboken. You're very nice, huh? Well, I was not even, I was younger. I remember I was in Hoboken, and this guy kind of confronted me almost,

had the sign and was like, I'm a veteran, like put it in my face and I was kind of like, well, fuck, I'm like, you know, I can't like just totally blow you off. Usually I just don't make eye contact and keep it moving, but this was like right in front of my face. And I got like bullied into, oh, you know what happened to me? This was the real deal breaker. Have you ever had the the scam where they bump into you on purpose? they drop something. Yeah, and it breaks. Yes, usually it's a fucking bottle liquor. And I like to be like, this guy did it, he did it with his glasses to me when I was younger. And I didn't even know this was a scam.

And he shows me his broken glasses. And I was like, I need my hand, like, how the fuck did this guy's glasses break from just bumping into me, you know? And I'm like, oh my god. He's like, can you help me buy new glasses? And I give him money like a fucking asshole. And then, you know, my dad's like, yeah, you just got scams, you know, and I'm like, oh my God, he's like, can you help me buy new glasses and I give him money like a fucking asshole? And then, you know, my dad's like, yeah, you just got scammed, you know, so all that kind of shit happens to me and eventually you're like, you know, yeah, I know it's sad, but no, I can't keep being the sucker every fucking time. When I was growing up, I was in Italy. Oh, that's a literally.

And literally. And the sexual assault. Literally like in Italy, they use, they use. There are a lot of gypsies. Excuse me, you can't talk. You broke my glasses. Can you suck on my dick? You help me see, bad. Ah, yeah, ma, that's a lot of these.

But like, you can't arrest children for some reason in Italy. Like, there's no child protective services. Yeah, because they're demons, they're gypsies. So yeah, they use kids and babies. Right. And babies. to pick your pockets and you know, beg for money. Like it'll be the middle of summer and room outside of the Vatican. And there's a wall full of gypsy moms with their little infants in snow suits. And you're just and you have to be like, get the fuck away from me.

Right. Yeah, they do that Brazil. Yeah. The same thing. The little kids. You gotta hit the kid. We'll come up and try to be a friend. Patrice did that shit. Almost got us all killed. How much did he give up? Well, he loved being the king.

Yeah. So he would go and he'd have all these kids around him because he'd give him a dollar each. And that's like, you know, $100,000, right? So he'd have all these kids around him. But Tiki, Priti, Priti, Priti, Priti, Priti, Priti, and they'd follow, as soon as he left hotel, they'd all around.

Petite. And I was like, I want nothing to do. I would avoid it. I wouldn't say anything mean, because if you said something mean, they would fucking say fuck you back. And then the older kids are right there. So what their job is, is to see how much money you have

when you pull your money out, what will tell you to stay in that, when you leave, you go back and go back. Cut your the rated blade and rob you. And they go to the older kids, and tell them everything, this guy has money, he's giving us money every day, he's out at this time, he goes to Club Help Bay, blah, blah, blah.

That's exactly what happened. One night we were coming back from Club Help Bay, Patrice didn't want to deal with the kids, and it was like, come on man, knock it off, beat it. And they were like, fuck you, you fat American. And they went to the older kids, all of a sudden, this fucking, I mean, just sick, red-ed Brazilian guy from the favelas takes his shirt out.

And we're like, I'm like, just fucking, we have a block and a half to the hotel. Just go. And he's turning around, please work the fuck, I'm like, it's just because of you, you piece of shit. Yeah, to be friendly, to be the mayor of fucking Rio, you cock sucker. On the qual, no squared, no, there, no, there. We got three, two of them, then three of them. Then there's four of them. Shit.

Dude, it was exorbitant. Just me and him walking back to the hotel. And you can't run, because if you run, it's like a panther. They're running too. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.bit. It's just you two. Just me and him walk back to the hotel and you can't run because if you run, it's like a panther. They're running too. So we say you know they're faster than you two.

Fuck yeah. I mean, you two are a lot of things. Lightfooted quick footed is not not one of them I am not I'd rather you two would rather be killed by the guys that run a block in a hand That's not our Indian nicknames light-footed It's flat-footed and fucking So dude I we finally made it back, but I was it was petrifying. robbed. I went to Fordham in the Bronx, and I got robbed. I could see the, like, so the whole campus is right in the middle of the Bronx, and has

gates around it, and security guards at every entrance. But it's, you know, right there. And I could like, it's more safe than our borders, right? I mean, come on. They haven't even been down there. They haven't even been down there. They haven't even been down there. I mean, huh? I mean, for them, can't get in there.

Dude, one time for our spring weekend, we had the rapper Jada Kiss coming, performed, and the locals just climbed over the fences. It was like, war was zing, everyone was having it. It was a party, man. It was a fucking party. At one point, the school realized they couldn't stop it and trying to stop it was causing more of a problem so it was like come on.

Come on. It was a way better party. It was just a bunch of white kids going like this. Yeah. But I this guy grabbed me. I was sitting on my balls hang on. Oh the worst. The worst.

There's a worst part about being a 52 worst part just having balls in in general. I love my, my young, nice. My young nuts were like, regulators, that's right. Yeah, I'm bound up. My old balls, I peter my nuts the other day. Oh my god. Yeah, more your dicks, well, your balls. Well, my dicks, it's both. Yeah, that's it. I mean to get scientific I mean I mean you're a very fast young man You really sum that up didn't you you're like monk Solve the case Bad for you at your dick and your balls. That's your tiny pecker and your big long balls. I got long balls

I'm a long ball guy. We me Have you ever seen the picture of Burke Ryshers long balls. I got long balls. I'm a long ball guy. We me. Have you ever seen the picture of Burke right? Sure. Just long balls. No, I mean, I'm already long. I was the worst. Are you so I don't know if they could be worse? I want. No, I'm a sense.

Because I don't have it on this phone. I have it on my old phone. Let me see if I can get them because I think I have long balls. And then Burke was talking on his Show about his long balls and he ends up coming to the show and all of us are showing off our long balls His were like knocking between his knees. It was Areis are areis balls are the longest balls I've ever seen Areis balls are so Long and I swear to god

It's think after the vasetmi'd get that fix too. I've actually wanted to talk to Ari's balls when I had troubles because I feel like they have wisdom. Yeah. That's how long. They should have eyes on all that. Like somehow Ari's balls are older than he is. Yeah.

Because balls predated him. Yeah, his balls are like, wise nuts. Like one of those, like kung fu guys has long white beard, long white eyebrows and shit. 100%. I mean, he's taking his dick out and balls out so many times. He's got a big piece and it's a long piece, but his nuts.

No, you don't even see his dick, you're just looking at the balls. This is why I love producers, by the way, I just texted him, can you send me birds balls and he goes full clip or still frame Still frames fine. Do it is that on the internet as it balls any I I I don't know we put it on the internet But we were kind of like showing it to each other and there they are Strangely like you have to kind of like it's like one of those 3d puzzles

You know posters you look at also into sailboat. I was you have to look at it. Oh there they are Yeah, I mean he must sit on them all the time. Oh, God. Yeah. Anyway, this is all to say that I got robbed outside of four and one time. Oh, yeah. Talk to me. Talk to me.

So I went out. It was like a Tuesday night. I go out with this. It was just three of us. Two, a guy and a girl from Springfield, Mass and me. And they were like pretty rough and tough. Yeah, Springfield, Mass and me. And they were pretty rough and tough. Yeah, Springfields tough, right? Until this one night when everybody all decided to be a fucking pussy about it. So I'm walking home and we are like, again, feet from campus.

And this guy grabs this girl and spins her around and is like, he said something, he said something, it's almost the holidays and I need these presents, baby girl, so like give me everything you got. And she's drunk and she is, is that his new special? No. Bones. Those are Tom's balls.

That's a word. I don't know. I mean, knowing, when we get this picture, we'll have to compare. Yeah. I mean, dude, that looks like something on Mars, like from the rover. I don't, are those balls?

I get, I, are those real balls? I don't think they're like a drawn ball. I'm gonna say this over there. And I'm like, I hope, this makes me gay, I'm fine. I would want to hold them. Mm. Well, you just want to see what it's about. I want to take the weight off of them.

Yeah. Like those balls need a breath. That sack needs a break. I want to just grab them from the back and then hold them, almost like tits. You know those things where you like stress balls, you kind of like juggle them in your hands? Yeah, the Chinese balls. I mean, look at that sack. It's nuts.

Okay, I think that's you got it. Oh, no, this is, well, this is the picture of us show me showing them my balls because we were just, I mean, it was like, we all have to show each other. So let me get, I need the actual balls. No, no, no. No, actual balls. I would put my balls out right now, but Liz is here and I'm pretty sure that's an HR nightmare

for her. Huh, okay. I can be kidding. Come on, Bobby, let's go. Hi, Chris and Hor. Let's go. Let's see what you're working with. So anyways, so you grab her out.

We keep it so they grab her and you know, and you just like, you know, give me everything you got. Now she's a few drinks deep. She's got this thick accent and she's like, you know, give me everything you got now. She's a few drinks deep. She's got this thick accent And she's like you fucking and I'm like So then he grabs me and You are the racist Boston accent you fucking it was that So I kind of like I I literally like say no.

And then he turns to me and he's like, he's like, oh, so you're the hero, huh? I'm fat kid. Oh, and takes some little fucking gun and like puts it in my neck. And this other dude who I'm with, he was known in our crew as like the bar brawling guy. Like, never lost the fight in his life.

Watch this guy one punch like a million dudes. Right. Nothing. Nothing. No, no, no, no, Rolex that night up from you, huh? It's probably a better thing, right? But, but I mean, I could like see right there. Like I was like, I wanted to be like,

hey, hey, security card. Yeah. Look over here right now, man. Yeah, but he did you a favor because it's not, if that guy pulled that little, yeah, yeah over here right now, man. Yeah, but he did you a favor because it's not if that guy pulled that little yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, that little poker 18 18 62 gunny. Yeah, you're not he had a musk in my head in my neck basically Then you're gonna talk you're not even gonna die. It would just talk like 50 cents for the rest of your fucking I would have like no job. Yeah, still survive. I'd be put another one in me

Just the red socks one this week The meds are gonna earth. Be the guy. Oh, fucking kill me. Yes. I but guns a different thing. See, a knife, I would think that if someone had a knife, I would fucking, I would wrap my jacket around my forum and fight them. But a gun, I think I pussy out. Have you ever been in any any situation like that? With a knife. Now, I've been in a lot of fights.

I've been, no weapons, right? I've been beat up a lot. I've been, I've fought him. I had no problem being like, like I joke around with that guy being like, where were you tough guy, you know? But I was like, he got like $7 from us. I was like, okay, whatever dude. Yeah, like, what's's who wants. But if

I can deal with that. Here's a problem. This is why I'm glad I don't have a gun. If you had a gun, right, if you were in Florida, chances are you'd have a gun. Or two. Right. One on car, one on you. Yeah. You have a gun. This guy pulls out a gun. If you had a gun that night, what would you have done? We'll see. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't know what I'm fucking doing with the gun. But if you had a gun, what would you do that night? If you're in Florida, if you're from Florida and you have a gun, you go to the range all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, if I was a gun guy, what I was doing, yeah, I was a fucking kill somebody. So if he pulled the gun

on you and put it to your neck and you had a gun in your back pocket, would you pull the gun out on him? I mean, it's so, you're asking me a question that I have no idea how I would react. I'm so far from that guy, I'm not a gun guy, I'm not a fight guy, I have no clue what I would do. I'll tell you what you do. You do exactly what you did. Yeah, that's my wallet.

Yeah, because again, I mean, there's nothing, like I don't have pride. I don't give a fuck, if you're actually gonna, if you're gonna like harm my family fine pride. I don't give a fuck, you know, if you're actually gonna, if you're gonna like harm my family fine, if you're gonna get a couple bucks off me, fucking whenever, man. Yeah, I guess so, you know. I mean, everybody, yeah, I would love to tell you

that I would fucking pull the gun out and take it away from him like a fucking ninja and you know, beat the shit out of him and be the hero, but. My favorite videos on YouTube is when people come in to houses or they go into places with guns and then someone has a gun and then they just unload on those people. And you just see them running like,

my favorite videos are snuff films. I do, I love them people who are gonna kill people, get killed. That's a good dose of karma. What are you watching? You know what I like? Type it in on Google, That's what I type in. People are gonna kill people, get killed.

It's fantastic. People who are gonna kill people get killed is what you type in Google. I was your algorithm. I'll tell you why. Because I was, I was probably was abused or taking advantage of. So my, I love vigilante movies.

Sure. I love justice. I love justice. I'm a love justice. I love justice. I'm a big justice guy. Like me. Me and you, you know what we should do right now? We should go find that guy. And fucking kill him.

We should kill him. He's really good. Me and you go find him. And we fucking kill him out. I remember when we got back to the dorm, you know, we told the RA or whatever and they called the cops. And the cops come and they're like,

they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what he looks like? And I was like, they gave us a binder and they were like, look through this and tell me if you saw who he, I was like, bind to his racist, it was just the same black guy in different hoodies. I was like, come on man, this is crazy.

Just go home dude. Everybody look like Will Sylvins. Oh my God. Fucking terrible. Oh, Will. That was back in the day, too. That was just racist cops. Oh, I mean, it was just,

it wasn't one guy in the mix. God dammit. Well, yeah, I mean, dude, you did the right thing. I mean, a gun in your neck, everybody says they do something, but you give them, you got to do a bunch. When the chips are down, unless you are like a trained, I do, I do like that, that's my favorite videos are people, like big guys pick a fight with a little guy,

and it turns out he's like an MMA junkie. He loves like, and all of a sudden, you know, there's pile of bones. There was those two, it was a couple years ago, two guys who played for Nebraska football. I think it was Nebraska. Pick the fight with a couple guys. And I think there were brothers. It was like some fucking boondocks, ain't shit, you know, it's like they looked at each other and they were like, let's do this.

It's a blah, blah, you know, with two moves, these guys are a pile of bones. Yeah, like with a one guy on the train, it just beats the shit out of, or the one bouncer beats the fuck out of me. How is this? This is bad. I like the bouncer videos where they fucking beat the shit out

of the chicks. The fucking girls just get thrown into the track and they keep coming back. Drunk chicks were fighting. It's something somebody's got to stop them. Drunk, it's not going to be their boyfriends. It's not going to be their girlfriends. Somebody's got to do it. What is this? What is this? This is a person who's about to build a building. No, no, this is great. These guys break into the house. I love it What's this? Okay, that's a hoarder's home. I think we showed this before Then watch Oh, it's hers good for you dude look at her continuing to advance fuck yeah

Ha ha ha ha it goes up the window Okay nice Yeah, I was gonna say Nice Hey, nice. Well, not be charged for a death. Fuck yeah. Dude, she's like this phone in one hand, gonna be the other. Yeah.

Yeah. She could have got shot right in the face with that guy who was running by though. Yeah, I know. How about bring up the girls, girls getting beat up by bouts, girls getting beat up by boutsers. I don't know why. That should be the new name of a podcast. Yes. Drone girls getting beat up by bouncers. I don't know why. That should be the new name of a podcast. Yes.

Drone girls getting beat up by bouncers. Yeah, great podcast. I know it's bad. I know I know I shouldn't like this, but there's nothing better than funny to me when I see these girls thinking that they're actually going to do something. In the skirts and their high heels,

just throwing haymakers. Yeah, like in their brains because of the men that they hang out with, that they probably do hit and abuse that they do. They can do this to, you know, some people out in the office. Oh, me. Okay. Go get, watch.

Watch. Oh, that, this is great. Pause this. This is great. You know why? This is great. That's a woman. I thought it was a guy, but that's a woman bouncer.

Oh, even better. Oh, it's the best. Yeah, now we can really enjoy that. Now we can kill her. Now we can do it. You know what? Go away. Go away.

Go away. Go away. Hey. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. What the fuck? I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Okay, this these bitches I thought they had they had the me too

Oh, the fucking guys are all with me. I'm a fucking woman too. I got a gas. Oh wow, let's go That's great. That's way amazing. There's gonna be great. I've got a gas a Nice room. Yes, that's hilarious. That bitches on the floor. Oh, it makes me so happy So happy that is like sorry you just picked a fight with a hefty girl who can grow hands. When people hear it. When Max found the saxophone and lit up with joy, it's the equivalent to that inside of me right now. It's the same exact joy I have.

I don't know, it makes me happy. You drunk fucking assholes. You rule, this is the worst. You're assholes, you get kicked out, and then you probably hit people on the way out, and then you got fucked, and they pushed you, and you're the victim, you become the victim, and then you try to, you're like, I have a policy.

The phone's come out, you said it best too. It's always the videos, the complete opposite. The videos I hate the most on the internet is when you see some poor bastard and his girlfriend's drunk outside the bar just be raiding him and slapping him and he's just like head down and it's like this is wild abuse in the middle of the fucking boat in the middle of the streets. We do our live shows, we do a segment called the Me Too Too Movement. And it's, we're the men fighting back.

We're the guys of, because we both, me and my co-host, John, have stories for weeks, particularly him, about just girls hitting him and then stalking him and harassing him. And, you know, it's like, of course, you know, there's the me too moon when there's some serious shit going on there. But there's some things on the other side going the other direction. Oh, yeah.

Just as bad that guy is just like, fucking put their head down and just eat it, you know, and he's like, we have to. Yeah, because what, you know, what can you do? Yeah. You're either a pussy or if you do? Yeah, you're you're you're you're either a pussy or if you're doing anything back You're a user. Yeah, and you know what and we do all this even if you say anything back like I would never hit somebody But even just like if if if a girl was berating you in the street and the video had you being like shocked a fuck up You're the bad guy, you know, yeah, you assaulted her verbally and mentally. And on top of all this, we don't get Christmas presents. No.

We get nothing. Nothing. We get nothing. We get little guts. Bouncer hits woman in the face 30 times. I don't know if that's in the handbook for about saying. I look at, let's make the call. Come on, let's just make the call.

This is where I'm at. Where does it say? This is gonna be good. Just to fight a nut. I would say anything over like 11 might be. Shit man. Here we have this big security guard and this lady in the yellow jumper.

I won. That was deserved. I'm a party in a party to get punched in the face at least three times. Er, she was still multiple times. I think I have some machine. One. I heard this.

She got. What the fuck is this? This is this again. She got about five kids at home with six baby daddies and shit like that. I ain't for niggas hitting one man. I only see one hit, dude. That's only the same thing. Get to it.

I need to go home. It's the same hit, all right? All right, here we go. All right, there you go. One, two. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go.

There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. There comes. there comes Oh

One that oh shit she's out How can there be 12 more all right that's I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out I I'm out. Yeah, listen, listen. I mean, if there's 28 more punches in that one, then this bitch's toes curled like she was getting fuck with Nylons. I mean, that's not hype right now. That's not what I'm talking about. I don't like that. That's that's Jesus Max.

That's some old school in it. That's it. That's the I'm blitz. I'm throwing on new Max is crazy Max Mad Max that's your name mad mad Max just brought up Just brought up fucking just abuse

I didn't think it was gonna be that bad the title was bouncer Punches Woman 39. Thirty. I'm fucked up. Thirty. I mean, you can't bring up, man. You can't bring up birth balls, but you bring up. There was, man, the World Star era, and that was, I mean, it was WorldStoreHipHop.com was just made off of people getting knocked the fuck out. Really? The McDonald's on third street. Here's the, here's the World Star.

I'll tell you what, the people who make those videos, there should be awards given, because sometimes they're great. The courage, if you've ever been, and I've been in those situations, the courage to hold your phone up and sometimes they feel the right, you know, they turn sideways,

they, you know, they, I mean, not bouncing around, you know, they're like right in quarantine. That's how addicted people are to the clout and some internet views and shit. They're like, let me be a fucking war journalist right now in the middle of the fight. I'm a pussy.

I've been in those situations and I hope my phone, as soon as they look at me, I put it down. Absolutely. Dude, I'll be on the subway trying to catch something funny and I'm like, whoops, nevermind, it wasn't me. Yes. Dude, in this neighborhood, it's amazing. These people are on their phones in a heartbeat.

It's crazy. That McDonald's, God damn man. You should have 18 angles from that McDonald's. That is a boxing ring first and a McDonald's second. They happen to serve burgers at the ring. That was amazing. I got questions, man. Oh, how?

I got questions. Questions. Yeah, man, we got a bunch of questions. Okay. Coming in. Um, whereas new Nikki, I gotta put my stupid glasses on. I love those glasses, by the way. I think they're fucking awesome. These are the, these are the, I think you should rock those with absolute primes. Um, you know what, Nikki, can you ask him because these are all smudges? Can you ask the questions? Um, The first ones for everyone from Crumbum

is Messi the best football player ever now after this World Cup. Oh, I mean, that's funny that people even think I care about soccer at all, but. I mean, you do. I do. I care about soccer. Yeah, Liz is very European.

I made a video about Messi after his run in with Salt Bay. Did you see that? Yeah. yeah, so I mean that guy that First of all you know one minute man The minute those those videos you make one of my favorite thing on thank you man. I appreciate that I fucking love him Thank you. I mean it's like everything I It's like everything I ever kind of did like boiled into that one segment Or it's like just get to the point be funny give your point you know get your point of view out there and keep going. I love them. They're the best and I when you started doing my this is fucking gross. I kicked it to it. Yeah I mean it's by far the

most successful thing I've done in my career so I'm happy people like them but um but yeah when salt bay was like on the field and and holding the world cup trophy and pulling it. Like grabbing it. Holding it out how people's hands was crazy. And taking pictures like, you know, pointing like, you know, and everyone else in the pictures like, the fuck are we, you know what I mean? Like, do you want that picture? Yeah, if the picture is of the soccer player being like,

ah, what the fuck? You know, you want to even post it on your Instagram? Look, can I ask you a question? Cause I'm stupid and I don't know much. I don't really look into things. Is this guy famous for drizzling saw down his Genshi elbow? Legitimate.

Into people's food. Now has like, I'm pretty sure like, many steak houses, like a network of restaurants. I think he's like legitimately wealthy now. He has one in Miami. I think it's like, I heard he's in New York. He has like, he has a one here. I think in meat packing and then another one

that was going to open or is open on like park avenue south and I'm sure it's just like every fucking steak as you've been to. But it's like prices are jacked up. I mean, if you watch videos of this freak, people pay thousands of dollars to watch this little bespeckled motherfucker, take salts and throw it on to the fucking state.

And then he, as I understand it, the World Cup trophy is only supposed to be touched by the Stanley Cup. You know, you're like only the players and then heads of state are allowed to touch it and be in pictures. This fucking internet soul bag. That makes me happy though. Some part of me is like, you know, fuck it, so you make it. Someone should have clocked that, dude. I heard, but I mean, someone should have clocked that dude. That would have been, that would have been justice. He got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got,

he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, he got, I meet day and night. Just, you go down there and just get fucking rammed in the button alley back in the day when it was the me packing district men something. You're a real man. Not anymore. Yeah, I'm gonna meet the me packing. You get the me packing dick in an alley like men.

I'm gonna group suck dick at a fucking nightclub tonight. Yeah, me packing district. Now it's art and salt. Yeah, now it's just steak houses and art, fucking stupid coffee shops and boutique hotels. I mean, that's like the whole city too, though, right? I mean, you look at this, the skyline now, it's like just weird buildings,

you don't even recognize it. It's crazy, it's crazy. What is this? What are you eating? Hagen Dazs for six months? Wait, what? Dude, I wanna read this real quick. This is a problem.

All right, listen, this is a problem. I mean, me being a fat fuck that literally got an operation to not be a fat fuck has never this actually shocked me. I've eaten a pint of caramel cone every night for a legit six months and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. What the fuck?

I'm not kidding you. That's not an exaggeration. I have a pint a night. Dude, that is a- That's a lot of ice cream. It's a lot of ice cream. And the scary thing is, could easily do like two or three. Like, I'm done at one and I'm like,

I'm not even satisfied. I, so I'm a big sweet sky. I, since I could like chew and eat. Since I could chew and eat food, I've been eating Entomans donuts. I'm like a white trash, sweet tooth kind of guy. Like brownies and cookies and donuts and all that shit. And I was never an ice cream guy. And then I had this ice cream.

It came into my life. And Bobby, I can't stop. I'm like a fucking addict. Like I wake up in the morning thinking, like I can't wait to get home, eat can't stop. I'm like a fucking addict. Like I wake up in the morning thinking like I can't wait to get home, read the size cream. So it's a problem. Yeah. Do you have a girlfriend?

You're still doing that. What's that? You're still eating a pint of ice cream a night. Every night. Dude, this can't be good for you. Wow. No fucking kidding. There's no debate about that.

I'm not saying that I'm like, I'm healthy because of it. I'm saying that I'm kidding. There's no debate about that. I'm not saying that I'm healthy because of it. I'm saying that I'm fucking disgusting. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Captain Obvious is here. I want to tell you this is not good for you. You know you should get one of those glue-coast things You stick on your right tricep. What's that? You can buy about the store You just you put it on you're telling me to be a diabetic You need to put one on your own You put it on your arm and then it hooks up to your phone and you eat one and it will tell you what your blood sugar What your blood sugar is. I do not know. And the alarm will go off.

It will be okay. Oh, dude, you go to fucking right in and get one right now. And then it tells you like, so stop eating sugar. Yeah, like you're gonna die. Yeah, we'll tell you, dude, after you. I cannot even imagine what my blood sugar is in it. The toe's tingle. What?

At night? No. Oh, you good then. Okay, yeah, you good. Okay. If I have an M&M, my fucking toast. I think I am blessed. I've always had like a good metabolism. This is good. I eat like a bag of shit

and I know I should. How old are you? I'm almost turn to 37. 37? No, I'm turning 38 in a coffee. Okay. You have two more years. I know. You have two more years. I know. Until you're gonna go to the talk there

and he goes, what the fuck are you gonna do? You're gonna do it. It there and he goes what the fuck It's so it's so bad like I know that and I'm just like well wait till we get there I Know it's so stupid. We got another question for you. We're gonna wrap up soon, dude. I'm so excited you came on I'm sorry being late again I don't even need to promote you because everybody knows me knows you and and everybody watching is excited Genuinely in honor to be on it. I'm sorry. Thank you.

You know what I, you're one of the few, we talked about when you came in my show that you're one of the few people that had a podcast before we did. And then a good, by a good amount, like three years. Bobby, were you the podcast pioneer? You know what I just, I invented everything. You legit though, I just heard you talking

about how you legit invented social media. And when you said that, I was like, haha, like what's the story gonna be? But like you fucking did. I did. And you kind of glossed over the fact that what Dane cooked into you was sociopathic and fucking, and he should cut a fat check to you

for what could have been. I mean, we could have- The fact that he just took down, like you had like Twitter in your fucking hands. You could be Elon Musk right now, but it wasn't for his can't, yeah. I mean, my heart is palpitating right now. No.

I mean, literally, I'm not even kidding you right now. My heart is jumping out of my chest right now. That was, I mean, I could have been, I could have paid all your bills. You could have been the guy. You could have been the guy handing out other people's. When I had that guest book, and I had the funniest comics in the

commercial world. Back then, when there wasn't a lot of comics. Yeah. Not every single fucking person was a comedian. The 90s and early odds. Yeah. There wasn't a thousand, there was no internet. There was no social media.

There was no iPhone. Mm-hmm. There was nothing like that. And I had that thing with. Poppin. Thousands of people going to be- Funny jokes, we- Me and Colin Quinn's podcast,

Robert Kelly's sometimes Colin Quinn, 20,000 listeners, subscribers. And for them, that's like eight- Oh my God. That was millions. There probably was probably like 21,000 total people listening. There was Madonna, Dane Cook, P. Diddy, Madonna, and then me and Colin.

I am not getting you. I wish I screen grabbed that. Really. You know what, screen grab wasn't available back then. What was Puffy doing? He was showing some sort? It was just this thing where you left messages to your fans.

Okay, God, I see you. But you only supposed to be like a five minute voice message. Right. Me and Colin left a 45 minute podcast. So you were doing podcasts. We were doing podcasts before you could do podcast. And then people could just like listen to that message. You, you, you went to that number and you called it

and it would, you would listen to our podcast. So it was like, you call it a call like an answering machine. This is what I did. I had my Asian web guy. I know that's politically incorrect, but back then it was okay. I had my Asian web guy, Kurt Iverson. Asian dude. And I would say, dude, I want when this,

when I email this, I would email the voice message to an email. When it was sent to that email, the audio would get sucked up and put on my website. So you would go. So I would email that audio to this certain email address that when would go to my website and it would just get put up there as an audio file. So you would go to my website and hit play and you could listen to the yeah. I mean that's that's a screaming like that before anybody me and then and then with them so all right I know what happened. I'll tell you what happened. Colin Quinn's a fucking ass. I know you didn't want to do it.

He hates a guy called the sub said I want to do it. No, he hates that. A guy called us up and said, I want to pay you $5,000 a week. Each of you to do this show. I want you to just do it in a studio. I'll pay for the studio and you'll get $5,000. And $5,000 a month, each. And Colin said, no. I said, just let him talk.

So we called him up. Who was he? Just got him. Some rich guy in LA. Yeah. And he wanted to do it cause he liked it or he wanted to. He liked it. You saw the business behind it.

He liked it. We're popular. Blah blah blah. So on and so forth. And he just wanted to talk to us about it. So we call him up and the guy's like, hey guys, I'm cooking my kids dinner right now. Is there any way? And Colin goes, nah, it's cool.

He goes, well, I, could I just give you my, my pitch right now, and Colin's like, yeah, nah, I don't wanna do it. And the guy's like, can I, nah, I'm good. I'm not into it. And I was like laughing. How fucking hysterically rude. Yeah.

And fucking just determined not to do a good one. I was like, what, I go call. Why even make the fuck call? The story is like, okay, like you're a fucking idiot and call, I was like, okay, bye. And Colin, I've called Colin, he was laughing his ass. He was like, you're fucking dying. I'm like, you're an idiot.

I'm saying that, that is like one of those stories about when you hear the guy who sold the Nike design for like $35. Oh no, this is Quinn. This is when you sold your Apple stock in 1985. This is Colin Quinn who turned down the brother, the son on, what was it? Oh, I can't remember.

Everything. Dr. Evil, what's the fuck is that? Oh yeah, Seth Green. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was written for Colin. That was written for Colin. He called the mother. Dr. Evil's son was gonna be Colin Quinn.

No, that was him. That was supposed to be him. Dr. Evil. Dr. Evil's son. Seth Green's part was Colin Quinn. What's Colin, yeah, yeah. He called the mother, said, a Colin, I wrote this part for you.

He goes, now I'm good. He goes, no, just let me tell you. So why didn't you just say, fuck it? I'll do it, I don't know. I'll do it with somebody else, or I said, a colon, I wrote this part for you. He goes, now I'm good. He goes, no, just let me tell you. So why didn't you just say, fuck it, I'll do it, I don't know, I'll do it with somebody else, or I mean, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, that is tough. It was me and Colin.

Yeah, it's like your thing and the other guy just want to do it. That is awful. Yeah. I mean, think about it. And that's probably, so you said, you said it was like 97 or so, it was at early, right? It was probably 2000. Yeah, like early 2000, right?

Dude, that's fucking, I mean, you would have been, yeah, ahead of all of it. No. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the internet, social media, I mean, it would have been fucking nuts. It would have been nuts. That's like my, my co-host, John invented it.

That makes me wanna eat ice cream with you every day. Yeah, come on down, and you wanna have a pint with me. So my foot will fall off. He invented, he came up with the phrase Saturdays for the boys, which would be. He did? Yeah, it's a great fucking phrase. I mean, it became like an institution.

It basically like made barstle go from like what it was to what it is. Like there was enough money that we could go get in office in New York and all come under one roof and shit. Really? And the way barstle is kind of set up is like, you get a salary and then you come up with ideas and you do, you know, make, make content.

And so it just kind of was like, it became just like barstool's thing. But like he invented that and perpetuated it and made it become a thing. And like, you know, probably should be retired on an island because of it, but it just never, you know, business-wise didn't really work out that way. And it's those things where it's like, oh my.

Well, see, if he got, well, it's got to go back into the company. That was the thing, you know, it's like, for every, he had one idea that popped, he had a million things I didn't, and this guy's paying our salary when we're not making money for us. And like, that's just how it goes.

Yep. And, yeah. Goddamn, you know, but man, you were like, I mean, dude would have been that one. That was cool too. Saturday's for the boys. Do we, we would, as soon as I saw that last, last episode, like Bill Clinton was saying, Adam Sandler was saying it, Michael Phelps was saying it, like, we went,

we went back to the video. I was waiting for fucking Jeffrey Epstein to pop I'm gonna have one on the plane Yeah, I'm a little just a game Saturday's it for the boys. Yeah, fuck literally and every night is for these little girls But it was I mean that was like a phenomenon that that burst outside because you guys were merged to you a big I mean I'm wearing fucking this is this hoodie represents a lot for me I actually did something in Indianapolis or something, and you had a, was it Indianapolis?

I don't know where it was. I think it was Indy where you guys had a thing out there, a satellite thing out there, bar stool out there. One of the guys, I forget his name, was out there, and they all went to the show and kind of promoted my show that this kind of shitty club, real sweet to me though, and they gave me this hoodie. They sent me this.

I made that hoodie, that was like the first thing. You did? Yeah, we used to, we always sold silly t-shirts that were like for the Red Sox or a nickname, big poppy on your shirt or whatever. And then I was like, why don't we try to make like real clothes that people just would wear regularly? And that hoodie was the first one we came up with.

I thought it was awesome. I could never fit in this hoodie. They sent me this. And I was like, it is tight. I will tell you that much. Not only, but like it was larger guys were always like,

this thing is cut for chicks. I mean dude, I put this so I was so sad. Cause when I got this I'm a fucking, I love this. I put it on and Yeah. Because when I got this, I'm like, I'm fucking, I love this. Yeah. I put it on and I couldn't wear it. This had to be five years ago. Yeah. Around five years ago.

Maybe longer. I've never, and I saved it. That's amazing. I saved it because in my brain, I'm like, one day. Like, one day. One day I can wear this car so hoodie. Final fat. You look great, dude.

And I finally, when I put this fucking hoodie on, I was like, I did it. Yeah, you did. I fucking did. You know what's actually terrible? You just gave me the warning, like, don't worry, like you have to worry. My belly button.

Two more. No. No. And you're special when you said it. Oh my fucking. Would you describe it as? I have a, I have a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, Yeah, oh god, did they fix that they fixed it thank God it was Fuck yo when you said on kill box when you said that The fart sound like fireworks in the town away Those jokes man get a

Like that to me is so much funnier than any like because in my head I was saying I was saying it sounds like the last kernels of popcorn in the microwave When you just have like one every couple seconds, but then you said that which is even funnier and I was saying it sounds like the last kernels of popcorn in the microwave when you just have like one every couple seconds But then you said that which is even funnier and I was like god damn that is fucking funny That's what like all those specials and all like those jokes are the ones that stick with me Where I'm like that guy's funny. Well, that's my favorite type of comedy like stand up is when you have to think of Like what that sound is like yes Yeah, that's like it's all like those things are and when you nail it you fucking nail it like that because that sound is. Like, yes, yeah, that's like. Yeah, that's like. Yeah, that's like.

Yeah, that's like, Yeah, that's like, Yeah, that's like, that's like, Yeah, that's like, that's like, Yeah, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that to God, I was like, I crossed the lake. Like, are they doing the fireworks and swaps? You know, it's, it was my wife's ass hall. I was like, I was like, what the fuck is that? What do you think it is, by the way,

that so many, like a, I think a decent chunk of funny people came out of that area. Well, cause Boston was fucked up. You know, we had white slums. We didn't have anything. Well, we had so much shit in our lives We had a struggle for everything and coming up like that white black

Spanish whatever it was From that area you who else Billy Burr Patrice me Gary Gellman Bob Marley daincook Al del Benny I mean then you get me like port one show. Yeah, I mean Yeah, it's just like a lot of even beyond comedy. There's like funny. It's just top. It's like, you're it's like tough, but that's what I'm saying. Like, I mean, I guess there's funny people from New York.

Even even swaps got you have money, but you still have to go through the fucking gauntlet. Yeah. Oh fucking dude, fuck you go fuck yourself. Yeah, you know, you got to have that thick skin. You got to be quick. You gotta be quick You gotta yeah quickly at quickly. Yeah boss. Who swaps gets right next to Lynn I can't believe all these guys go to LA. It's like what do you mean? It's like I mean I guess you know you go to the weather's nice and you made it and you make money, but it's like to me

You're not gonna have that yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't can I be honest. I've changed my opinion about LA. I really Yeah, yeah, I don't can I be honest I've changed my opinion about LA. I really No, I do get the feeling I do get the feeling that we say shit about like I can't see in an LA and they sit there under the sun You're round going. Okay. Yeah, we're not edgy. What we don't fucking care. Oh, we're not edgy because we're happy Good. I'm telling you right. Because we get vitamin D. Because we drive really nice car. Yeah, we're richer than you. Dude, because we moved to LA, you dumb fucks. Dude, Sancti.

Andrew Santino, moderately, Kristalia, I mean. Santino was kind of the one for me that made it, like when I realized it was like, yeah, like he's just, but you know, like he's a Chicago guy. You know, he's Philly guys and he's, but he can go to LA and be. Every time he's here, like, dude, like he's just, but he's a Chicago guy. He knows these silly guys and he's, but he can go to LA and be-

Every time he's here and like, dude, why are you living in LA? Yeah, he does feel like a New York guy or early, he's a nice coach guy. Yeah, he, I mean, but you know why? Cause he's fucking rich and he's on TV shows a little bit. And he's, you know, I guess.

The one real, you know, those guy, I mean, dude, I laugh fucking a star. It crystallically, it cracks me up. Cracks me the fuck up. And what's his name that does the show with him? Brian Callan. The way he, I love Brian Callan, will be the straight guy and just take the hits. But like, no, don't do it. Why you, I mean, dude, make me laugh.

And Santino Bob, they're fucking funny. Look, Tim Dillon was LA. But you can't say that. Forget about calm, just like in general. Right, you know, if you don't have to go outside in the cold, if you don't have to, I was gonna say step over the homeless people now that has since transferred over there as well.

But like, like there just is something about life on the East Coast. Even the time difference, you wake up and the fucking, the world's already happening. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's like, when we used to travel, we were on the West Coast, we would like have to wake up at, you know, like 5 a.m. to start writing

because shit on the East Coast is already happening and people are like, where are you fucking jokes, you know? Yeah, I feel like it's just like a fantasy land out there. But they're like, we don't care, we're rich and happy. So yeah, but I don't I don't know if they have salt and shove up your ass. Everybody's driving a fucking Mercedes or a Tesla or a Lambo. I don't understand it, but I also think in general that the podcasting world is starting to like everybody's starting to start to make money.

You know what I mean? Like it's not. I mean, I'm fine. I'm starting to make money a little bit. You know what I mean? I mean, I'm finally starting to make money. A little bit, you know what I mean? But it's taken a long fucking time. Well, because Colin Quinn fucked you. He fucked you. He fucked you.

Fucked me. You're gonna be mad at Colin all day. I'm telling you man. I don't mean this in, you know, I hope you don't take it in a negative way, but. I mean, it's gonna be negative. But just- I mean, anytime somebody said that, yes.

Anytime somebody has to go, I hope you don't take this in a negative way. You, I'm going to shake it that way. So rich and even so much more famous than I do. I've heard this so many times. You know what? I actually, the reason why I say it is I identify with it a little bit because I am always kind of known as like

the other guy at bar stool, you know? There's two guys who are like superstars and then I was the third one and I kind of like, when we first got bought by, we got bought by like a media company, the churning group, I was like in on the deals and then the next one I kind of was cut out of it and you know, it's just like always when you're adjacent to like the big shit, you know? And I'm like, you know, that should be my name on my next, you adjacent to the big shit, you know? And I'm like, you know. That should be my name on my next special. You adjacent to the big shit.

That is good. But you know, it's like that you should be like the fucking Rogan of the scene or, or you know, whatever. Like when you were, Well, somebody, I think Bert called me the triple A of podcasting of Rogan because Rogan, like I took go list, Lewis, Dan, all these young guys, Nate, all of my show.

And then they went on these other shows and became, had their own pictures. But that's, I mean, we kind of do that with our show. We've been like trying to put, you know, younger comics or new comics on. And like, yeah, you see what you can, you are like a, a role model. Yeah, I mean, a lot of ways. It's weird that Yeah, I mean, you have the power to put people on,

and we kinda do this as well. We have the power to put people on and make other people recognize them without necessarily those fans, all listening to us as well, you know what I mean? Well, I think it's like, can I say something though that I think that I never did until now, is I was always just

did my shit. And I never went on other people's stuff. Like even going on your show, like that's a thing for me. Like hey dude, when you were like, hey you should come on. I'm usually like, man, you know, whatever. Or like when I went to LA and did all like, you know, I did Whitney Cummings, you know, I never did that shit. I just did.

Which was my, my, was to these other young bucks went and did everything. I didn't understand it. Now, I kind of get it where I try to do everybody's show now. I'll be on anybody's show. This is probably like the fifth podcast I've ever been on. Really? Wow, because I do the same thing. It's like everybody's always coming to do our show.

Right. And then one of these time to do like, I'm like, I'm like, let's reschedule. I'll do it next week or whatever. I just don't do it. And that is really the way to like, it just blows up that way. I mean, I've sold so many,

my special did so well because of, I heard you saying you paid for it in like the first week. First week. Fuck it. And then the, you know, and it did so well because of, not one of the people that listen to my podcast, but I went on these other podcast. Yeah.

And I continue to do it. And I actually enjoy it now. Like I love doing other people shows. It was a time with Sam and Mark. Sam and Mark were fucking great. It's nice when you don't have to host, right? You just show up and it's like someone else says the fucking paid.

It is in the timing and all that. It's so much better.'t have to host, right? You just show up and it's like someone else says the fucking pain is in the timing. It's so much better. Like I went to L.A. and St. Tino said, you should come on, I was like, whatever time. We worked out and then I went on Wittneys. And it was fucking great. Two different completely different shows. Oh yeah.

But fucking blast on both. Very interesting. She's awesome. He's awesome. I wanna do, I'm gonna go back to L.A. I'm just gonna start doing this thing and go on people's shows. Yeah, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna go back to LA. I'm just gonna start doing this and go on people's shows. Yeah, I'm always like, I will go on anybody at time. But that's the thing that LA did.

People don't know this. Is that Billy Burr, Burr Christchurch, Thompson Gerr, and Arty, Ari, and who's the other guy at all things comedy, Spanish, fuck his name. Magical? Al Magical. Yeah. We're together. They did it together. But they were also like generous with, Al magical. Yeah. We're a together.

They did it together. But they were also like generous with, I think. Supportive. And they want to be. Everybody gets a little bit of their own life. And then Rogan would have to be as territorial. Yeah. And then Rogan, because he's Roganized, you know,

more money and more fame. So he doesn't, he's not, you know, it's tough to put someone else on your show and then they blow up and you're like, oh, what about me? But once everybody has their own and you can all kind of look at his that pop each other up. Rogan is the ultimate guy who doesn't covet his anything else. Yeah, anything doesn't cover his fame, his wealth.

He is like, we always just say embossed and talent isn't afraid of talent. Yeah, you should if you're threatened by someone that's your own. We never we're never fucking offended by anybody or threatened by anything because we knew we were funny. Right. We, you know, the guys who weren't funny were fucking offended and fucked up and always because deep down they, they knew. Yeah. Talent isn't afraid of talent. You're doing and there's also something to be said for it's like, maybe

you got a break on a sitcom and made more money than me. But when you sit down at this table at this club, there's a high-error. Nobody cares. Yeah, it's nobody cares. You're not as funny as we are, so in that moment. Good for you. Yeah, whatever.

Good for you, man. Good for you. You did that, but we don't give a fuck. We're all talented here. We're all funny. We know how the business works. But I think Rogan is that guy who put all those guys, the all one on that show,

when Rogan wasn't getting anybody. Rogan was, you know, having those guys on, his friends on. He had all his friends on who were very funny, and they went on there and fucking just killed it. And then people started filtering it. And now when he could shut it down and just have his, his, his, his, and, yeah. Yeah, right, right, right.

He's still, you He still puts guys on. Yeah, but he got also like, I guess Rogan does like all that kind of stuff, but it's like, I'd rather just talk to my buddies than talk to the fuck. Yeah, but he's into that shit. Yeah, he's a different, dude. He's not a human, I don't think.

Well, he thinks Elon Musk is an alien, I'm like, you're an alien, dude. I love it because he was a midi stupid. I don't fucking know, but he's actually really highly in Allie, dude. I love it because he, he, the middie stoop it. Yeah. I don't fucking know, but he's actually really highly intelligent. Right. Right.

Had a lot of things, but when he does it, the ability to either say I was wrong or say I don't know is something that everybody has lost, you know, but you said this last time, it's like, well, but I learned,

you know, something changed. Now we know the opposite. So, never apologize. Wow. What if I'm wrong? You know, the fuck is that? Yeah. opposite. So never apologize. What if I'm wrong? You know, what the fuck is that? Like that's a little crazy. I hate that.

Should we deal with that so much of our story or it's like never apologize and it's always comedy. It's like shut the fuck up. If I say something wrong or do something wrong and I'm sorry. And if I don't, I won't. But if I do, I do.

And you don't have to say. Mine says be weak apologize. Yeah, I fuck yes. Yes. That's merch. It's my third percent. Especially with the amount of money and success and opportunity on the line.

If you dig your heels in and become an asshole and miss out on it, rather than just being like, yeah, I fucked up, sorry. There's nothing better than when a guy you thought was fucking perfect, goes, I fucked up, I'm sorry. I get to do a lot. I had a very public divorce. It was a whole scandal, it was a whole thing.

And so now anytime I talk about relationships or anything, people are like, well, you know, why would I listen to you? And I'm like, I'm the fucking guy you should be listening to. Nobody wants to hear from the guy who has like the perfect marriage and perfect family. It's like, I'm the one who fucked it up and went through the fire and this is what I learned and this is what was good and this was bad

and what I would do different. Bumble, blah, what do you mean? You wanna talk to the guy who's not telling you what the fuck is really going on. That's the thing. Because marriage, even I'm married, I love my wife. It's still fucking sucks. It's still sucks.

It's still blood. It's one of the craziest things we do as a society. It's the being a dad is the best thing in the world and the worst thing in the world running fucking parallel. Yeah. And it just does this. Every time I all tweet, you know, like, make it fun on my kid, we're talking about how this sucks

to that sucks. And I get these people like, you should cherish your kids and blah, blah, blah, shut the fuck up. I can cherish my kid and admit that it sucks when he's pissed. And I'm here three in the morning. All right. I'm so glad you brought this up.

Christmas morning, right? We all, he goes to bed early. Me and Don stay up. We're in the morning. I'm so glad you brought this up. Christmas morning, right? We all, he goes to bed early. Me and Don stay up. We're doing the presents. We do what I love. I love that I'm finally, I'm the dad. I get it, right? And we're doing this.

And I love, I figured something out. I'm gonna give you one tip and I'm gonna tell you this what happened on Christmas morning. If you're a guy, bags, fancy bags, go get fancy bags. You don't have to wrap shit toss it in Poss the bag pull it up. Yeah, stick the thing Yeah, I didn't wrap it

I didn't fucking do the scissors with a thing cut and rip the paper and the tape and the fucking thing and I didn't do shit Fancy bags like a bag Fuckin' fucking poppin' and you can still kind of open them like it's real. Take that tissue paper out. Woo! I, my fucking world has changed with fancy bags. I love the fancy bag. I'm fucking, I was five minutes, around 20 gifts. Boom, boom, bang, zip, bang, walked out onto the tree, done, where's my hot cocoa and my cookies? And then, so I go to bed. She goes,

he wakes up late. I can't sleep so she's got to go in because all the presents are out. So she goes in to sleep with him up in the loft bed. I go in the regular bed. I'm sleeping. Now I usually wake up to him. Dad, dad, you know, I wake up my name. When my name, when she calls me Bobby. Bobby, I need you! Oh, now. Oh, no. Oh, who's that? I'm fucking, do I go for the shotgun? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do I do, right? So I run into the room, she goes, stop! And I stop an inch away from just puke. Oh. So I look to the right, Max is throwing up, crying. Max woke up, he ate too much, had this cold with the flam, wakes up, going down the ladder. He pukes, going down the ladder.

So it's hitting the ladder and spray. Ladder splatter. Ladder. So then he's throwing up all the way to the bathroom. Stop, right there, right where I stop. I'm a fucking centimeter away from steppin' on this shit. He's in the bathroom. So I'm like, I'll fight somebody, I'll build something.

I'll fucking work every day for the rest of my life to support you guys. I'll do whatever it takes. I ain't had a light of fire, I ain't had a hunt. I'll do it. But when it comes to throwing up, I'm out. If there's a spill, anything spills. I'll leave.

I'll divorce you and walk away from both of you. Oh, no. If it's just, like, chocolate milk or spaghetti sauce, I'll leave both of them. Food or throw up? Any spill. A spill? A spill?

I can understand puke or shit or spit, but puke is the ultimate. Yeah, that's disgusting. But a spill a spill I can understand puke or shit or spit but puke is but ultimately yeah that's disgusting but a spill like I literally like spill my water over I literally get she knows this I walk away I it gives me so much and yeah I was listening to you recently talk about burying your own shit in the woods when you go fucking camping not a problem there was spill if I I spilled spaghetti sauce one night, if the pot fell and I literally left the house

and walked like a mile away from the house and I came back an hour later. What is that PTSD for? I don't know if I- There's something deep down in there. I think there's something bad. There's nothing. I think when I was spilled something on you,

but she's fucking jizz. It's something bad happening jizz on me or something. Something bad happens. I called it spill when they're coming on you. Yeah, well that's what he called it. I spill on you, my son. Oh, good. Something happened, but anyways,

the puke is the ultimate spill. Yeah. So I don't know, I'm panicking. You're so much, it's a lot of things, you know. It's so bad. He's crying, so I gotta take him. I gotta strip him down and I got it. He's crying. So I gotta take him, I gotta strip him down. And I gotta, he's like, Dad, no, no, I'm like maximum.

And then you gotta get sterned. Maximus, you need to, you know, which I don't wanna do. But then I get him in the shower. He's dead, and you know, and this is, this is in the morning, or the middle of the night? This is the first thing in the morning. Chris is morning. And then she's like, I, I know, I'm stuck.

Oh, no. He's in the shower. I gotta go back up. She's like, I don stuck. He's in the shower. I gotta go back up. She's like, I don't know, because it's all over the stairs. She can't get down. Right. So I'm like, I'm bitch stepping in.

Deal with it. So now I gotta go in. I can't do it. I puke. You're puke on the vioke. Dude, I'm like, I gotta get, I'm like, I'll get a towel. She goes, no.

I'm like, She was gonna run a towel. So I gotta get, I gotta get paper towels. I gotta wrap my hands. I wrap my muppets. So I'm like, I'll get a towel. She goes, no, I'm like, she doesn't want to ruin a towel. So I gotta get, I gotta get paper towels. I gotta wrap the hands. I wrap like muppers. So I'm like, I'm like, it is chunky. And I can smell it. And I finally get them and we, she's in there.

I keep them in the room. I'm wrapping them in blank. And I hold them down like a horse at that point. Like in a barn. It's terrible. It's terrible. So we're in the room. It takes her an hour and 20 minutes to clean this pool cup. She's terrible. It's terrible. That Christmas, so we're in the room. It takes her an hour and 20 minutes to clean this puke up.

She's crying. She's like, I don't know what to do. It's everywhere. At that point, it's like just get a new house. It's about the market and no. That's what I would have done. Let the homeless move in. I would have bought it again.

I would have lit it on fire, got the insurance, and lived in a condo for a year, got a new house in Terry Town. I mean, this is nuts. Like a murder. Like, yeah. And the notes, like, what happened in the house? There was once a puke.

Pukes. Pukes incident. Well, listen, we got one more quick. We have another question. Please, we gotta go. We gotta wrap it up. I'm sorry. I know, I know, I know.

I fucking because I can talk to you fucking too early. What do you got? Yeah, in the Christmas theme from Ben. Oh my God. What the fuck? Sorry to call you. You sound like that fucking Yeah, in the Christmas theme from Ben. Oh my god, what the fuck? Sorry to call you. You sound like that fucking bouncer in the video. Oh.

Jesus Christ. Wow. I mean, yeah, in the ding, that. Sorry. What was the funniest gift you ever received or got for somebody? We just did a secret Santa with my whole podcast crew. And my partner has had a rough year when it comes to shitting in his pants.

And so we got him. He's so fucking funny. I mean, he is an open book man. Like the store and he just said, yeah, I should miss the last night. Oh my God, that's a medical problem. Yeah, no, he's got plenty of medical problems. But I pulled him in our secret Santa.

So I got him a whole bunch of depends adult diapers. You got him diapers? Yeah, dude. Last week, I shipped my pants last week. I had something here. Now when you say that, you mean like a shard or like your shit. Well, like clench and run or like it like it was pooping your on the way.

Something hit me in the middle of the night. Some type of thing in my stomach. I thought it was a fart and I shit and I filled up my undepenit. With like solid liquid, it was, it was mushy. Oh, like baby shit. It's like I stepped, it was mushy. Like baby shit. It's like I stepped, it was like the bottom of a puddle. I'm getting nauseous. You know what I mean?

I love you, you know, you can't spill spaghetti in front of him, but he shits his hands at night. But you can, yeah. You're laying next to your poor wife while you shit yourself, but if you- Yeah, I don't know if she spills her orange juice on the morning or divorce in her. Yeah, I don't know what it is.

You're right. You're 100% right, There's something wrong with it. Cause I see my pants and then all day long. It got to the point where I had nothing left and I was, it sounded like my asshole was a woman's vagina. Oh. You know that, shittin'? Like, I don't think I do.

I don't think I do. You have here a woman piss. Just a, it's louder than I think. Yeah. The faucet. It's just, yeah. That was what was coming out of your ass. It's like an angry cobra, like, sssssss. I love you, Bobby. I love you so much. You're the motherfucker in my life, and I hope you like your present.

I'm so excited. I got her the best present. What is it? It's a hoodie blanket. Do you have a have one? I can get down with all that kind of stuff. A hoodie blanket. If you don't have a hoodie blanket, dude, you want to have ice cream?

It has a pocket in the front. You can hear it. I mean, a pint of ice cream wearing a hoodie blanket every single night. I am the problem. Dude, if I don't see, if I don't have a hoodie blanket. And dude, you wanna have ice cream? It has a pocket in the front. You can hear it. I mean, a pint of ice cream wearing a hoodie blanket every single night I am. Dude, if I don't see, if you don't send me that photo soon, I'm gonna, I'm sending you a hoodie blanket. What, I mean, in a hoodie blanket? I'm getting you a hoodie blanket.

I'm getting you one, and I want you. Will you little fucking Hagen Dazs? And you hoodie blanket enjoying your life. They sent me gift certificate, like free fucking certificates. Yeah. Got them right. I was like, yeah, fucking sponsor me. Let's go. Um, what, what else you got? You of course you got your podcast. Yeah. KFC radio is the podcast. Yeah. Um, we're the biggest podcasts in the world. We're trying, man. And, uh, we're trying to really push the YouTube, uh, you got your own podcast. You're not the podcast, too. So I did. We kind of like condensed it all into one, though.

It's stupid, just split it up. So KFC Raider is the podcast, one minute man on Instagram, I'm on Instagram, KFC Barstool, and it's posted at the Barstool main account on Instagram. So those are anytime there's big news or anything like that. Yeah, and these are the guys that are fucking, taking the brunt for a lot of us out there. I mean, comics and Bar bar stool are the ones out there

keeping real funny shit. And- Honest funny shit. Honest funny shit. We're certainly doing it. Taking the hit for it. Yeah. Taking the hit and telling everybody to go fuck themselves.

So you guys, of course, all you guys know these guys. If you don't, go over, follow, like, and you can check me out. What else we have to do? I have to do this ad real quick guys. The guide times presents, it's the only podcast network, one of them that injected the boner medicine.

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Check those motherfuckers out. I want to thank all the live listeners, the ladybugs, you guys are the best, have a happy happy, I hope you had a happy new year and a Merry Christmas and I'm not going to say happy holidays because I only care about Christmas. You know what? Hanukkah too. I care about happy Hanukkah. Whatever the other ones are, I don't even fucking know.

Is there other ones? If I can go to comicwearobels.com, get yourself a YKWD hat. You got the Papa King. I went to the, took my kid to the WWE last night. For the first time. WWE Live is one of the best things in the world. There's nothing fucking better. If you have a kid or your friends, because knows in the front row who the the McCulley

Culkin brothers really the succession yeah yeah and McCulley was out no not the other one Oh cuz I was gonna say he doesn't like go out now the other I don't even know there's another one there's right now there's a whole bunch of them right I know there was arm here and is in here and is the succession and then there's another one there's another one and is he famous you but you understand they're like all little clones. WWE is a different world. Yeah. I was with Sam Roberts. Oh, yeah. He's a big W. You got. Yeah. He's famous. Right. In that world, he's like the man. Yeah. Nobody fucking knew me. Yeah. Everybody was new him. You have good seats. We had third row. Yeah. When you, if you go live, it's awesome. If you go live and

you get front row seats, it's like there's nothing like I gotta do that one day. It's so fun Let's go and you just like take the stick out of your ass like if you love wrestling fine If you don't know it's not real it's like yeah, I get it just go like another thing You know it's your real broadway shows aren't fucking real either Lay not actually Hamilton. How dare you? Hello, Dolly. What? Bobby, what your favorite?

You can sacrifice your sacro sit and in the back row. I think that's capyrey. No. Anyway, I see. Yeah. I'm looking at you. Yeah, some guy who was it.

Something I followed a a trend sexual porn star. And the guy was like, so a comic sent it to, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, mathematically, it makes it's more straight. Yes, because there's gonna be a dick involved. Yes, but at least there's a girl with a dick. Yeah, so it's actually less gay to watch trans sexual porn. Bang, my man. Boom, my man.

Laying it down. What shoot talkers on this podcast? I used to go where Ladybug at the merch thing, get your Papa King. I kept, I make Max call me Papa King. I make him go, he goes Papa King. I go, he me Papa King. I make him call you, goes Papa King. I go, he goes, yeah, I go, no, no, no, he goes Papa King. He goes the correct, the Papa King.

And I was like, yes, you can have chicken fingers. Papa King says, I'm fucking great. And go to my dates, my track comedy, Off to Hook comedy, governor's comedy, helium comedy, I'm going everywhere. I'm all over the fuck. Oh, you really are.

I'm fucking murdering it. I got big news coming out. Liz might know it, right? Maybe. Maybe. But we're not gonna talk about that. Not yet, because the Jeannie remains in the bottle until it comes to fruition, and then we do it.

Killbox at luicck.com. It is still killing it. The Killbox is killing it. Please, if you haven't got it and you're watching this, go get my special. It's $10 right there. And it is loving. You know what I love, by the way?

Like, in the very beginning, I think you mentioned, like, hey, we're all back here, feel good to be out. Like, and then that was it. It was, it's not all that. It wasn't a COVID special. It's not all COVID and asked. It's just back to the money. You did the, you did the, the, the, the, the tubing.

I did, yeah, snowboarding, yeah, bro. Yeah. Yeah, that is, yeah. That is, I, yeah, yeah. Bro, yeah. Yeah. That is, that is, I'm not even just saying this, because I watch a ton of specials now for the job that we do. And a lot of it's like, that was funny, you know? I was howling at the tube a bit.

When you said you said it on fire, like at the lorry ambulance. She, I called her and the, why was in the ambulance? Yeah, I was thinking. Well, because my family didn't go, because I didn't want to scare my kids, so I said just tell him I'm fine I oh shit I walked behind this house with this guy

With in hindsight looks like I just blew it yeah for sure What what what what what was the injury like I fucking broke my ribs Broke my wrist when you said I hit another season Dude, it's no ended when you said I hit another season. Dude. It's no ended. You understand? I knew I was 100 miles an hour. I swear to God.

Have you seen the video? You passed your kid. No, I haven't. Got my Instagram. It's on my Instagram. He's watching it. That's so funny. I knew I was fucked.

The second I went off, like a foot off the top of the mountain. You're going to. I went, I wish I had audio. I went, I'm fucked'd audio I went I'm fuck Oh my god, I had it this I had a this gimbal. It's a $300 iPhone gimbal. Nope Smash gone. Yeah, cuz I landed on it Smash were you you're still big at that point or you this time? Oh, he was big. Yeah, one of my biggest I had suspenders on you bro. You can be big guys can't be two being there's a way limit have a sign

Yeah, like in the joke this should be a scale something somebody should have stopped me Somebody should have went yeah Maybe not you did maybe not hey do come here for a second like what's up? Hey, man It's not for you. Why don't you go have a hot chocolate in the cabin rain last night? And that's pretty much ice. It's nice. You're gonna wind up doing around 3,000 miles. And you're gonna die. Yo.

That's a lot. That's a lot. That special could have just been like that five minute bit and it would have been worth it. It's that. You were there when I fucking wrote that. Yeah. So good.

Hey, we got to read these names. Want to help me read them? Yeah. We got to read fast. Sure. All right, I'm going to give you a page. Okay, and I'm gonna give you the names. Just read the names, that's it. And you read the names. Okay.

All right, ready? And Sue reads the fastest, ready? And this, I wanna thank all the new members. And you're getting a shout out. I shout you fuckers out, ready? Wait, you go, then I go or just... You go, you go, then I go. Okay.

I go all at once. Yes, go. Now, Amanda Burst, Chrissy gets directions, wears no protection, Kelly Stevens, James Hollen, Jackie Ross, Carlisle,le Anthony and Jimmy darch. Justin suit an ugly waffle Don Rob D Brian disco Landry Wonderbread Carl George Ben Sanford Joe Henderson. Emigdonna.

Lucas DeSago Albert Burton Dickless Norris Joe on Michelle O'Michael. I can't tell Craig Parker Holmes Paul Philan Kenny Schlauer on the rr. You got the hard one. Yeah for real. No, I just I'm just the stupidest person here I don't know how to read and I don't know the difference. I'm just shouting Michael. What is it? There's a name in there. Okay, I think I think it's Michael. All right All right, listen you guys are the best fans of the world happy holidays Mary Christmas Thanks so much for coming on. It's great to see you. I I love you Liz. New Nikki. We got Mad Max's here and Joe.

Sara. Juarez is somewhere at Lady Bugs. You guys are the best fans of the world. We'll see you next time on You Know What, Dude. Bye. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan. ¡Friparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

Volotea y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. you