Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Kid Ding Dong

Episode Date: December 19, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Joe List, Lenny Marcus, Omar Capra and Chris Calogero! Tensions raise during a stormy afternoon. We evaluate Deepu's sound effects, do some news (but keep it light), and give a stranger [who just walks in] a shot at show-business! Watch / Listen and enjoy! Get this year's YANKEE EFFING SWAP by becoming a premium member of the Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude app!    Go Premium here:   IOS: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/robert-kellys-you-know-what/id1069986540?mt=8&ign-mpt=uo%3D4   Andoid: https://www.amazon.com/Wizzard-Media-Robert-Kellys-YKWD/dp/B019NPGRDQ   Browser: http://robertkelly.libsyn.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh ho ho dudes check it out later this week the Yankee Swap holiday extravaganza with dance soda, Chris Scopo, Joe Liss, Lewis Gomez, Tim Dillon, myself, Deepal Lauren, and a bunch of other people. It's going up on the YKWD premium side. That's right premium members. Just beard tastes like an old lady's vagina. I don't know where this has been for the last I will buy that beard off you right now You're trying to get this bomb down what happened?

The un-oiled wheel squeaks the loudest Dan. Oh The early worm catches the fish done You can lead a horse to water and you can't watch a quiet movie with loose J. Gomez eating next to you I like it you call it a serious movie it's about aliens talking. Dan is dumb. Dan is dumb. Dan is dumb. What do I get for my premium membership?

Well you get one of the funniest episodes we did all year. The Yankee swap it's going up late this week so don't miss it. Not a premium member, not a problem. Download the app on your Android or iOS phone right now for free. And then sign up. That's it. Go do it now before the episode comes out. It's hilarious. And have a great Christmas. Happy holiday and a good new year. Take care. You know what, dude! And the gentle fade into the show. What's up everybody?

Robert Kelly, here with another episode of You Know What Dad. We're here on a rainy, rainy day. episode of you know what? Dad. Dad. Dad. We're here on a rainy rainy day. Beautiful rainy day. Yeah, really? This is my kind of weather, you know that. That miserable fuck. It really is your type.

This is your fucking snow. This is your beautiful birthday. Yeah. Oh, I fucking hated. It's icy cold rain. It stinks. I got a bald head. I have no hair for protection. I don't like umbrellas. I'm not a fan of an umbrella. Me either. Huh? Me either. They

fucking sell. Well, they have it because they haven't advanced the umbrella for God fucking sakes. Well, you got to pay up for a good umbrella. Yeah. You got to pay like 30 bucks. That's a lot. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I please donate, become a freebie remember so I can pay him more. So 30 dollars and so- So you wasn't wet anymore? But they, they should, like, they should be in umbrella with speakers in it.

You love speakers, you love headphones. There should be a umbrella with a camera speaker. No, I'm not talking about speakers, like, I'm talking about like people who speak. Oh. And politically you have use. Of course. It comes with the umbrella.

Oh, that was the worst joke. Think of the bomb band in on me right away. You guys don't know watch the show. This is when somebody says a joke that stinks and this is called the bomb band in a, and I just did it with my speakers joke. Oh, I want to throw up. That's why I leave it by you every time. Tell you, is it?

Is it why? No, I leave it by you every time. Do you? Is it? Why? No, I think they should advance the umbrella something yeah, why me to we can't even keep us building dry How are people gonna stay? Oh, yeah, I know you bring that up. I was I how do you know I was gonna? Fog or sex We should I want you know what I want an electric forget it. I can't I'll let you I can't even speak it fuck everybody I'm gonna start to show yes there's a leak in the ceiling mm-hmm we're sitting there everything's going right of course and then I'm talking to you about how a mysterious force is plaguing your career and then

the big poster of you first of all ceiling you fucking dumb asshole you're such an asshole sorry that's a mean thing to say I know it's mean but people get mad at me that I mean to you but you're you're mean to people that's your problem I know it is no you say you fucked up me shit to people and then you wonder why people are uncomfortable around you well I just don't think there's enough of that in the universe I think what stink what does that in the universe, I think. What? Stank. What does that mean?

What are you a fucking, are you a jazz player? What a stank. You don't know what stank is. The world is missing stank. You, what the fuck is stank to you? Please explain to me what stank is. Listen, you know, I'm just picturing like, like Lauren's life. Yeah.

And she's going through life and everything's easy. My life is easy. Are you fucking kidding me? I've had the hardest, I've hardest I've had a harder life than you have, mother fuckers. I don't know. Absolutely true. You've had a very easy life. Well, this is what I'm talking, you know, this is like this is how I'm just picturing her life. I'm not saying what you made your life miserable. You could be a doctor right now. Yeah. You could have done something else. You chose to be a fucking miserable stand up comedian in the village. Yeah. So I'm talking the village. Yeah.

So talking about careers, fucking your stinks too. It does. So you should be on this podcast. This podcast fits you. This Clark soccer said, I'm never gonna repeat it because I don't believe in that shit. I'm gonna let you off the hook on that one. Let me go.

I think you're just trying to be shocking. Yeah, shocking is in. Is that what Stank is? Yeah, fucking do you like it? Get people to hate? Yeah, it's like, you do like kids. Get people to hate me and then see them have to deal with it. Why? Why?

Then everyone's gonna hate you. Yeah, but here's what I'm getting back to. Like I'm like, I don't think people, I don't think people experience enough of that. What do you mean? Talk to each other. Everyone's too nice to each other. You know, what happened to the good old days

of having a fucking attitude about everything? But I say mean shit to you and people who watch uh... get me sad or you get bummed out because you can't take it i can take it oh really stupid now i think so uh... so i'm kidding

uh... i don't know maybe you're right maybe we have to get back to being do each other maybe you're right it's the p is the blowback you know PC people, they don't like it either. Wow. The anti-PC people don't like it. Well, going back to your original segue into another into two segues, just jamming shit down our throats, fucking deep, whose new technique.

I'm just going to fucking try to take over the show. No, not he. Shout out, I was joking. No, you're not. You're right. I don't take it well. You really don't. You're very as soon as it comes on you, you get very serious. That's not true. That's not a fact. Yeah, we have a leak in the ceiling. I hope she's all right. We should check. Can you go run and check and make sure she's all right? All right. I've got you.

Oliver lives upstairs. Of course, at the comedy cell have the comedy cellar the basement the olive tree cafe on the other Floor and that can you please come back here? Can you please put it on a one shot of me? Not a five shot of four empty seats Well do the combo whatever what's that but I was gonna say do the combo shop The combo shot of every seat you and me. Yeah, if you and me would be nice. Yeah me and Deepo would be nice. Do you have a combo shot? Confusing what's the combo shot what button on that? It's L1 but I don't know if you know that L1 I'm really good. Oh

It's because it's not L1 Ah, how do you feel now? It's R1. Yeah, go find yourself and you have stuff in your hair wrong person Hey, this new stank world you live in What you're right The let's talk about Lauren. No Yeah, we have a leak in the ceiling. I go to say the olive trees on the second floor There's offices on the third we're on the fourth, I think the fifth floor, I believe, is Ava, beautiful Ava lives up there.

And there's something leaking out of the ceiling onto our beautiful painting. So we fixed it, hopefully. I'm just hoping the ceiling, half of me though, half of me is like, I hope the ceiling just caves in, just so we can go home. Yeah, it's like a snow day. A snow day, which I loved.

Was there anything better than a snow day? Are you okay? Ava, come in here. We were talking about you. Come on in. Come on, you come into a dude. You come into. Sit down for a second.

Are you okay? This is the great Ava. The beautiful Ava is here. And she's wearing the great wave of Hokusai. and she's wearing the great wave of Hokusai. Right? That's the great wave of Hokusai. That's right, I have that tattoo on my arm. Now, I've... Yeah.

Well, I had a German lady do it, so it's really the... It's the mediocre wave of... I think her name was Tanya. We'll make it. Yeah, that was her. She was a tattoo artist. Are you all right? I am. What happened with the ceiling? I think the rain is just coming in. It's just the rain. No, it's dark. Oh, okay.

Well, here's the thing because I got a little nervous. It's coming out and you know you always hear those stories where you know somebody passes out or hits the head and You drink in a glass of water. Yeah, and I don't have a medical. I didn't so I made him go up and then I was sitting here I still worry because he never came back down and told me and then I made her go up and check and make sure you're okay Okay, we're we're getting to the bottom of it. All right everything's all right Wait, it's very appropriate in your way right the great way of a hooker said so you're okay I'm okay and we're in Noah's Ark, so we'll all be good All right, Bubba Noah's Ark, do you believe is that is that a Jewish thing or a Catholic thing than Noah's Ark?

Huh is it really? Is that the old testament? Oh, you guys Noah's Ark? Huh? Is it really? Is that the Old Testament? Oh, you guys got better. Why do you guys get, you guys get better stories. You got Moses, partying of the sea, right? Yeah, you guys got all the good movies. No. What do we got?

We got, we don't, we got Rudolph the Red Nose Raindeer. Tell the right Christmas. Yeah, Santa, do you know, was Santa comes to town? We got that one. Santa. We have Santa. That sounds like a good one. Do you know Santa was a redhead?

No. Santa is a redhead. No, it's not a bit. It's, it's, well, I was not a historical, but the, the anime. Remember the old anime, they would move, the little puppets, the wooden puppets, and they would move. It would take like seven years to make one movie.

I saw the Santa, whatever, Santa comes to town, and they show baby Santa. And the story was that they gave him to a uple, glooper glurp, or whatever his name was. In a German village, did you know this? It seemed like a German type of, you know, those guys, right? They gave the baby away because it's like kids. It landed on a snow thing and on a sled

and found the cringles found them. The beautiful toy making family. Beautiful toy making family, the cringles. And they had all these toys, but they had no way to do it because they couldn't get over the mountain pass. So this little beautiful baby grew up when they was little boy goes goes someday I'll be big enough and I'll take these toys over the mountain pass to the kids of the town and as he grew up he grew a red beard red hair and I'm not too fond of gingers if you know that about me They freaked me out even though I have a baby brother and a baby sister who are gingers and that beautiful

Thank God they weren't you know some a lot of gingers have you know like a dead tooth or a freckle or some bone you know what I mean see the blood pulsing into their brain from the side of their neck but he then he went to town but the guy was at no toys because the guy at the head of the town you know the German type guy slipped on a toy and broke his leg so he he says, oh, the toys leave now. And then he kept sneaking toys in. And that's why he had to go. He locked all the doors of people who had kids. So that's why he had to go to the chimney.

That's where that comes from. That's a great story. It is. It's on. You can get it. I watched it with Max. And then halfway through, he goes, I want to watch incredible.

I was like, all right, well, apparently it doesn't hold. It doesn't hold up. Thank you. Maybe it was a little older. I'll force him to watch Incredibles. I was like, all right, well, apparently it doesn't hold. It doesn't hold up. I'm sorry, I really don't know. Maybe it's a little older, I'll force him to watch it. Thank you, mama. All right, well, I'm glad you're all right. I'm okay, I'm gonna go get the ores out of the closet. I get the ores.

And if you ever come to the Comedy Cellar, all of Trees Cafe, if you look around at all the beautiful artwork, the paintings, the drawings, that is the woman that actually did all of that. She's amazing. One of the greatest artists I've ever met and I've ever known. So, I didn't give her any stank? Yeah, of course you don't give her stank because you're an ass kisser.

You would, Kevin Brennan says, starfucker. I love Kevin Brennan. You're a starfucker. I guess so, yeah. You are. A little bit. You are a starfucker, but here's the problem with you. As soon as you get to know somebody,

you turn into fucking typical old dick. Conti Depot. Conti Depot. That's your name, Conti Depot. How you gonna take that on? Is that your new thing? My friends actually used to call me Conti, like, for years. Oh really?

Yeah, that was my nickname. And everyone calls me a fucking client, and I'm not. Who calls you a client? People. Yeah, well, you say it like that. You don't everyone calls me a fucking client and I'm not. Who calls you a client? People. Yeah, well, you say it like that. You don't sound like that at all. And I'm not. Why don't you lighten up a little bit.

Look, we're all clients. I know. Whatever. You know, we're starting the holiday with the wrong spirit. You know, I'm gonna ditch the stink. Okay. No more stanks. Except for Christmas.

I'm gonna have some stank on Christmas. Go, you should. You're Indian. You got to celebrate it. Very unhappy about it. Yeah. Do you celebrate Christmas? We used to as kids, you know, we get presents, you know, we get the tree. Right.

So that's it. I'm gonna get you a present this year. I'll get your present too. I'll think about, yeah, forget about us. What do we got today? Let's do a little good fan bad. Let's do good fan bad for a little new segment we have on the show.

Every week we, Depot has to scroll through this, off on this and some good stuff. And we bring it to you guys to to to here and judge. So what do we got first? You're off sides. Time for some good fan, bad fan. All right, our first good fan is K. Vasi. He says I model. Hey Bobby. It's okay. I monologue at least once or twice a day I love K. Vasi. You're right. Look at I monologue a lot and I monologue I monologue to myself I've been in the car monologue and to a person that doesn't exist. Oh, I talked to myself all the time Yeah, it'll be okay

You'll make it to the hospital. They can put sutures in my ass. I'm going to start mentioning your asshole. That bugs me. I can't make it. You're a beautiful young woman. You're not. Go ahead.

What else we got? Bad fan. Here we go. Hit me with it. All right. So our first bad fan is a guy named pizza. Why would he? Why?

I've all people. Why does he have to be the bad fan? I love him already. He's a very named pizza. Why would he, why, why, on all people, why does he have to be the bad fan? All right, I love him already. He's a very negative guy and he says, Joe DeRosa has become an LA douche. Well, why, why, that's just, you should have an example of why. Yeah, he should back it up. He should back that up.

No one gives evidence for any of these comments. They just, they should give like a timestamp. There's, there's a way to do it. So timestamp and next time, so we can write. Okay. So that's our, that's our first, uh, There's there's a way to do it. So time stamp and next time so we can write okay So that's our that's our first that's it. That's all we got That's our first bad fan right there. Okay. What do we got another? We have another one? Oh, yeah We got plenty of good fans Still a good run robot one leaves a five star review on iTunes and he says easily the funniest podcast I listen to it is

I think last week's episode with Ben Bailey Mike V V. and Janice Popus, and of course you too, and myself was unbelievable. Right, Deepz? What a great fan. We got a bad fan? Of course we got plenty. All right, relax with the plenty, okay? No, it's actually quite fair, especially comments lately have been pretty good.

Yeah, but here's your problem. As you think that if it's honest, it's actually quite fair, especially comments lately have been pretty good. Yeah, but here's your problem as you think that if it's honest, it's okay. It still hurts. What do you got? Stank the truth hurts. Lyle Lyle Chippa says, I hope I hope Stavros falls down. Yeah, but I hope that's it. I hope you're hysterical. Yeah, but is it a hill, a flight of stairs, a ski slope? What do you hope you fall? It just falling down on the, I mean, if you just fall down and get up, hope something worse.

So was that a good fan or a bad fan? I think that's just an okay fan. Yeah. Well, give me another bad fan. All right. Oh boy, somebody had choose from. It's about a Pukelo Mahoney says, I would love to slam Fustica.

Wait, why do I have to say there's so many to choose from? That's not what he said. He that's what he does. It's called stank. We figured this out. I don't think that's that bad either. Fucking Kelly Fustica slamming her like on the ground or verbally. I'm not trying to listen from now on with your, your, your, I know I'm going to regret saying this. Yeah, he will don't. Yeah, be more descriptive in your bad fans. Slamming Kelly Vistuga, you could be fucking her. You could be slamming her on pavement. You could be trashing her verbally.

I took it as her going through a table, was some kind. That because you are an evil, evil fucking little Indian man. All right, what else we got? We also have. Yeah. Sorry, kind of blank on the second. Sorry, that's alright. Don't worry about it. Bill the wing guy Yeah says he's a five star of you and I too. He says been a fan since the Dero's Dero's a days with monster voice Yeah, huge fan of all the comics on love you Bobby Chris Lauren Depu. Yeah, stop being so sensitive on your Facebook feed live dude

Well go fuck yourself. I'm sick of people telling me to stop being sensitive. I am sensitive. That's part of who I am. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry I don't fit into whatever club you think I am. I'm a sensitive person. And the funnier I get, the more sensitive I get. And the older I get, and the better I get,

mental health wise, the fucking better human being I become become which means I become more in touch with my feelings More vulnerable and more sensitive and I can't fucking take it. So just fucking leave me alone. I Want good fan and good fan. I'm not good fan bad. I want just good fan people All right, whatever Yeah, well fuck you Why don't you stop being so sensitive when I'm sensitive and go fuck you What else what all right, so listen what that's it for that. Let's move on. What else do we got deep?

Well, I had some segments. I wanted a pitch. Oh, please. Let's talk about it. We got a couple of minutes before they come in. So I think like we could easily do episode where I am on LSD. You will take it. Sure. But I don't want you to die though. I'm not going to die. Even though that'll be the episode that he pours battery ass and all over my face. Just our chin. Just want to melt that down. All right, listen, I would definitely be into this, but can we start out with a really good weed? How can we slowly move?

How can I put a dent in me if I'm on the acid? Yeah, but listen, we slowly ease you up. I would like to get you high, then drunk. Okay. Okay, then I would like to just sprinkle you with compliments and tickle you, and I want you to be high on joy And then really poke my head like flip it over and then at the peak right?

Yeah, it's our freaking out and then we put you on LSD Will you do it if you want to do it do it? But I I don't want to say that I don't want to be like held accountable of something happens I think I have a very good head on my shoulders and I can handle it Yeah, I knew a friend like that too his name was Sal when I was in around fourth grade. Him and his brother, his brother Sal was an amazing artist. I mean, a savant. This kid was gonna be a superstar someday.

And I mean, he could draw anything. We go to a stage just and his mother would be so proud of him. And he used to draw stuff for all the kids. He was older than us. And then one day he took some LSD. And then he would fucking scream and go He lose hair long and he would walk you see him walking on the street And he growl at people same kid he became retarded he beat no

He's a lot he's fucking brain shut down. Yeah, so there you go. That's all I need Maybe it'll make you have your person deep. It could LSD treats a lot of like alcoholism and like other Like Issues that plague the brains look at I can help you. You know you need you need a nice fucking dick second. Yeah, all right Lauren I get what now You should you get your dick sucked yeah by women woman Woman Well, maybe we'll do that. Oh, what else you got what's it?

Me another pitch before we bring everybody up? Let's stop bringing people up, baby And then we're gonna announce people. What's up? Oh, man? I'm like, we got a great show today. Hey, what's up? Tony's here There's Tony everybody. Okay, we got Tony is here. He's gonna fix the the fucking leak in the ceiling Maybe hang our thing back up someday The thing that the actual painting ripped out of the ceiling. There's a leak. See that up there. There's a leak. All that's water coming from upstairs somewhere. We put the barrel there.

We cleaned up a little bit. Who do we gonna show today? Oh yeah. Do you think, buddy? Lenny Marcus on the show. Love Lenny Marcus, my lunch with Lenny. He is my pal, lunch with Lenny. We don't need gals, lunch with Lenny.

He is my friend, lunch with Lenny till the end. Me and Lenny do lunch pretty much every Tuesday. We haven't in a while, we were in a noise calling Quentin Keith Robinson so much that we made that song up and we would call them and sing that song to them. And I can hear Keith grinding his teeth. It's kind of cheesy. Chris Calajuro on the show Chris okay great he's new yes first time on the show first time on the show good guy worked with them I think didn't that work with him no he's actually Elmer's friend right right good else we also have Omar Capra on the show Omar is the best he actually works

at Sesame Street and he he me max and my, he got us down there while they were filming an episode with Elmo Cookie Monster Grover. Yeah, I saw the pictures from that. That was probably like the perfect experience for, for Max A. And there he is too, guest number four, but really my sweetie, Joe. Where should I go right now?, where you always sit, baby. Joe list is back in the house. What's up, buddy?

No, it's fine. Huh? Can we wait outside? Not outside, you're supposed to wait in the all tree. What's up, buddy? So yeah, we, uh, hey man, how you doing? We, uh, we have a great show today. And here we go.

They're all here taking their clothes off. Almost taking his clothes off Just you should be small shirt with the fuck did you get that? Holy jasmine Joe you sitting down you're over here buddy No, you're over here Lenny Marcus is running a little late. How you doing man? So we got a packed house today. I always say well We're gonna have three people and then fucking I just keep adding people because that's the way it is So how we doing today? Let's go through the room and now it's everybody. All right. So our first guest is Omar Capra

What's up guys? Yeah, Omar. He's a hilarious comic from New York City guy from around here. Yeah, funny guy Now he works at Sesame Street Yeah, well, I don't know why you don't work on the show That's my biggest. Yeah, well, I don't know why you don't work on the show. My pitch was this. One of the kids has snuff a love and stuff a love of a guess. Excuse me. It becomes a boy or a man. Yeah. And he's snuff a love of a guess. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? For one episode, he becomes snuff a love of a guess. What do you think? I think that's a good idea. What do you mean like local TV Harlem area? No, on Sesame Street.

That's like Sesame Street. The Midwest. That's not gonna fly. Why Sesame Street can't be Puerto Rican? I mean, not all. Why kids, not for love for this people. I think I thought I mean, yeah, you look like snuff a love against.

Just saying it's going to be blowback in the Midwest. What are you talking about? What does that mean? i don't understand they'll kids love race man race man there's a lot of race problems right now i can't hear myself can i come up with this is not there's not waiting in the rain shut up oh there they come here here comes the complaints but i think if you had to you be coming complaint Joe if you think the south and the west and they had a dad a come up with who snuff of this look like it would come up with him That's with my point. Yes, whatever you go search, huh?

Google search real stuff They make them a make actually they'd make a guy like you except his size right yeah, I'll take that job Yeah, yeah, you're too small. They take your face with his body. Yeah, there's another job to a white guy Alright, who else we get on the show? We also Chris Kaliger on the show. First time. Hello, thank you. First time. Yeah, how you doing, buddy?

Oh, I'm wonderful. I thought you had things on them. I tried to go on his website, but it was a- Oh, my website's all fucked up. Yeah. How do you- how do your website get fucked up? The server, like the server went down. And what happened to you, a finger?

Oh, boy, I broke my finger catching the football. Oh, really? I swear to God. When were you playing football? November 5th, I got to win this is. I was great too. I caught a couple of interceptions, couple of touchdowns. I didn't see it. Prospect Park.

What's the matter? Because I don't know where you play. We used to play football in Central Park. And me, Bird, Godfrey, Corielli, and there was a rough game. We would get a heated. We played so hard one day. We played get a heated. We played so hard one day. We played for so long and so hard. The next night everybody was doing spots.

Nobody could walk up and down the stairs. It's the salad. We're all like took 30 minutes to get down because our legs were all ripped up. Who are you playing with? Are the comedians or are you one of those guys who has regular friends? I got some regular friends.

No, I don't like those people. Yeah, yeah. Well, they're not good people. That's like a wobbler in the air. Oh, really? Oh, that sucks. Now, I don't like those people. Yeah, well they, they drink. They drink. A wobbler in the air and I point my finger. Oh, that sucks. Now you can do about a broken finger. Yeah, it just splintered up for three more weeks. Did you put that on, they put that on.

No, I had a specialist put it on. A specialist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it a, what the fuck? A finger specialist? Yeah, yeah, I had to go to, I broke it, I went to the city MD and they said it's fractured. You gotta go see a specialist so you need surgery. Wow.

And then I went there and the first guy recommended surgery, which was bonkers. Wow. And I got a second opinion and he was like, that's crazy, you don't need surgery. Really? I'm a finger specialist. Whenever I have a Herpes outbreak, I get right in there. And we have, we have, what you have, Joe, list his back. Apparently his guns are not firing.

I got a lot of problems here, Bob. Why? What's your problem? First of all, you've been recording during the night time. Yes. So the most comedians are working at night time. Yeah, well, not all. We've had shows, so that's not really true.

Last week, we had Ben Bailey, Yannis Poppiss and Mike Vecchion. Mm-hmm. That's a great one. Well, it was one of the funniest episodes in a long time. Alright. Well, that's a hit. That's great.

A hit. That's one of those guys who do spots. What? They don't do spots. Mike Fakinghound does spots. I guess. There he is, Lenny Marcus. Hey.

The only one that lives in the city, but he's still late. He has a little calendar, a paper calendar. And time is everything, but he's lace. Yeah, you're sitting right in front for God's sakes. What are we getting to you? We're announcing the show. What's your other problem? You had a few.

You have me waiting outside in the rain. First, I show up. No, no. I've been here for 10 years. Talk to her, talk to her. You said I'm running late at Starbucks. I said, all right, no problem. Let me know when you get here.

And then I get here. There's a whole gaggle of guys What did I tell you to tell them? No Deep who talks to me. I said what did I tell her to tell them to wait in the restaurant downstairs? Why to not be in the rain and get pneumonia and what did you say? What did you say? What did I say to you when they did that when you said when I said that what did you say to me? I said okay and what it when I said when I said I'm gonna explain why I wanted to because they will did that. When I said that, what did you say to me? I said okay. And when I said, when I said, I'm gonna explain why I wanted because they will wait out in that little thing.

If you don't tell them where to go and what to do, they'll wait out there. Did I say that? Did I say that? No, or not? Did I say that? And what did you say? I said okay.

People, what did, did I say that or not? I'm sorry, I honestly, and then the lead captain, and like a hot side track. Oh yeah, you're right. I swear to God, she's just like Scopo. Oh, I'm sorry, I honestly and then the leak happened like a hot side track. Oh, yeah, I swear to God She's just nice go. Oh, I'm not that's a scuffle thing to say What is it Christina's capina that's your new name Christina's capina if I could say that We're kind of leak like a wiki Anyways, I'm sorry Joe that buddy. That's my phone. phone. Sorry. I shouldn't be waiting out with these fucking look at this fair

Buddy you're right No, all of a sudden I'm a special get I'm regular. I just took a little break because you were doing it at night And I work at night because I'm a professional comedian. I don't want to be a special guest. I'm the guy. It's my show What is this I'm out in the rain with these fucking guys. But are you right? I'm sorry. No offense to you guys, but he's absolutely right. Tell your right. Listen, you're absolutely right. You're right. You're right. You're right. What is that all it takes? What do you mean? Is that all it takes to flip you on her?

She's the one that but she looks good. Oh, thanks. But you run the show. I should be fucking it should be pressing the code. Buh, buh, buh, buh, you come on up. You want bo-bub, bo-bub, bo-bub, what the fuck is bo-bub, bo-bub, bo-bub, bo-bub. Put the show on the map, I should be fucking, it should be pressing the code, boop boop boop, you come on up. You want boop boop boop, what the fuck is boop boop boop? Put the show on the map dog. You put the show on the map dog. Put the show on the map dog.

You put the show on the map dog. All right, who else do we got? We also have Lenny Marcus on the show today. Right, who I was excited to see. I'm not like it's over. I'm not not over, but it's, you know, it's what are you on your phone? No, I'm done.

Oh, what are you looking down at? I'm waiting, I'm like, I'm not trying to turn it. What are you looking down when you yell at me? I'm not yelling at done. Oh, what are you looking down at? I'm waiting. I'm waiting. Where are you? I'm looking down when you yell at me. I'm not yelling at anybody. Oh, it's I look. I'm gonna work on my tone Yeah, I'm gonna you want me you need you need you to do a lot of toning Is that a fat joke? I was a auto-shape tone. Is that better? No, I think yeah, that's better. Oh God He didn't talk who's that? Who is that the guest just said that that's his

right. Who is? You know what? You're fired. Listen, you're blaming me for this. We're all right. Let this happen. Let this happen. Go ahead. Who is it? The guest just said that this is his ride. Who is this guy before? He's like, he's a comic. He's a comic. He's a guy. He who's seen this guy wait a minute physically here. How did you how did you know look at this random people you are the fucking worst And I didn't buzz anybody up I don't know how he got in here This is random people He's got the beep-o-beep to get up He's got the beep-o-beep-o-beep saying what that he just walked up some random this guy just gets in

I'm out the rain. He's better than I've been on more episodes than you've been on I'm out here in the rain This is top 10 comics to watch right here. Oh, this guy. He's a are you really? Oh Let me get up for a second let him sit down I'm getting him. I would never do that. I do it to him Let's just ask this guy like how did you get in the building give him a microphone? How about that? Door is open.

Security is great. That's what Marcus was. He set up stairs. I was hanging. I went to get my phone. Where's the first one? Who are you? My name is Cody O'Dell. Cody O'Dell. Okay. Cody have I met you before? How many times? We had a Vanessa's dumplings. Me, you. Me me you paul version. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry buddy You should have made a better impression. Maybe brought up some you know, you do it

I'm sorry dumplings jogging remember real quick. Sorry. I'm on a fucking diet. We stopped saying dumplings. Okay. That's my Achilles heel We went to Vanessa dump it. They were good dumplings. Okay, that's my Achilles heel. We went to Vanessa Dumple, they were good though, right? Yeah, that's great. All right, well, are you one of the top 10 comics to watch? He's not? No. Oh, you just fuck number 11. Are you good?

I'd like to think so. All right, who do we have on the couch? Oh, we have our guest, Mike Suarez. Mike Suarez, who I worked with a bunch of times in San Antonio at the LOL comedy club. Last time was actually a really good time. Yeah. Yeah, and it's funny, because I saw your progression

when I first met you, you weren't even on the show. I think the second time you were on the show, and the last time you were really funny, you had a great, you know, great sets sets It was good to see you evolve as a comic and and become you know a mediocre to good or No, you great and I actually let I did not work together as well. I electrocuted you at the mall. Yes. Yes How'd you electroc? You know those massage things Yeah, they sell them all like the Arab dude like we'll sell in the middle of the Christ right there what he put right there. He's not Arab. He's a

At least that we know well you put them on and you hold the electricity and I put them I was like dude try this and I put them all over him and I shot it all up to 10. And I remember his face, he was just going, and he collapsed. And he collapsed. I was like, oh my god, I think I killed him. But then we were right and I had a guy made a character of it, of me and him. And you still have it, right?

Yeah, he has a memory of me and him. You were mad that he didn't make us both as fat as each other. Well, he made me fatter. Yeah, but you were really mad about that. Yeah, but you caught up. Well, I was fat then too. You weren't as fat. You got chubbier. I did. You put on some weight. You weren't as... Huh? We booked that fat, batter. Could I get fatter? I don't know if that's possible. You know, you weren't as big then. Oh really? Wait, now. Oh, I'm well, I've lost weight since I saw me last time. Yeah, I have not. No, wait a minute. No, stop. Let's just stop there for a second. weight since I see you saw me last time. Yeah, I have not no wait a minute. No stop Let's just stop there for a second since the last time you saw me you think I lost weight

Yeah, really thank you. Let's move on You are wearing all black and you're behind a desk. Yeah, this table is really high This is why you people stop there. I have no friends because you people I think this hair is really as chairs really high up You too, oh my you work on Sesame Street. I invite you to my house with Thanksgiving. That's true. It was very nice my wife. I saw the picture Why did I get invited? I Buddy I did invite you you told me to go fuck my mother Yeah, you did you literally picked up the phone went hey go fuck your mother whatever it is. Are you called on the phone too?

Yes You picked up the phone go fuck your mother kid and is. Are you called on the phone, too? Yes. You picked up the phone, you go fuck your mother, kid. And you hang up. That's not true. Really? Facebook, my son. All right, so we have a great lineup today. Oh, God, what a fucking day it has been. I had a discipline my kid last night for the first time.

Nice. None of you guys have kids, right? Dumb in the ass. What? That's what my dad guys have kids, right? I'm in the ass. What? That's what my dad would do. It's like a stomach. I'm in the ass. What? Fuck. Not so disciplined. More fun. Right.

Got to. Boy, I'll prepare you for the world. Yeah. What was your father's nickname? The VFW stink. Stinky thumb. Wow. What?

It's a real. It was a real fumble. I, uh, it was terrible. What did he do? Okay. Look, he's three and a half. He just wouldn't fucking listen. He knows how to manipulate.

He knows how to, he knows that he can go to a little time out. And, you know, I'm sorry and come back. He knows when he's being cute. He came up to me yesterday. Exactly like you, by the way. And you too. Will you just fucking just a intelligent, that, yes, that. That's what you do now.

That's what you do now. What do I do? You know exactly when you be in queue. First of all, wipe your upper lip off. It's shiny. It's a hundred degrees in here. I don't really know. Is it hot?

It's hot. Well, try on the AC on somebody. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were hot. Listen. How are you not hot? I was not even implying that what Omar somebody. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were hot. Listen. How are you not? How I was not even applying that what Omar said I second that but I wasn't trying to imply that this was your weight loss thing Oh, I'm actually pretty comfortable. Yeah, he's steaming it out. Are you guys? How'd you discipline max? All right, listen to why let's get back to your little fucking statement about me

What do you have to say about me? What was the joke? I don't know whatever. Don't give up on it now because now you said about max that sounds like you But now you're doubling down on me. You're going I don't even want to talk to you anymore I'm just saying you trash me and then you and it was you know Can we run it back everything he said? You you run it back. What was it? Tell me manipulative? Why no, it's when he's not what he's cute Everything he said you run it back. What was it tell me manipulative? No, he's what he's cute. Yeah, right Hey, fuck face you do the same thing. Hi, this wasn't about me Lenny has never all of us I can never been cute at any point. That's right. Thank you Joe. No problem

Well, he was he was being you know all day a was he was he was being you know all day. I'm a scooch. Scooch, scooch. Scooch. Yeah, scooch. He was being a scooch. Um, it was, he was just not listening. And then you know, I took him all last night.

He was like, I want to go, I was going for coffee. I wanted to get a Starbucks. I want to come. I'm like, okay, let's go. It's late. He wanted to come. Wait, special guest. Daddy is.

He really is. He should be doing a, he should be doing a show on Patreon. he wanted to come. Wait, special guest. Tony is really. He really is. He should be doing a, he should be doing a show on Patreon. I, uh, he wanted to come. He should give him that thumb in the butt I was talking about. Right away. So we, uh, you're really, yeah.

So we, uh, so that I took him for pizza. I took him out. I gave him a slice of pizza. We came back. It was, you know, every night we watch a movie and then he'll go on his room and read a book. Tell him and he goes to sleep. You didn't want to do it on a brush.

It's teeth. He's no, and kicking, screaming, you know, I'm not doing it, but doing it in a very like, fuck you way, wouldn't put a change. It's dying, but wouldn't do anything. Keep saying no. Finally, it was like, look, if you don't do this, no movie tonight. And when you say say that you can't take that back right and well I you

know we were gonna watch trolls but I couldn't get the copy of it let's still in theaters you know I say trolls I'm in more it's a movie about the CIA but it's animated yeah you don't support the industry but I shut up I'm at Moor's it's a movie about the CIA but it's animated yeah, you don't support the industry, but I shut up I'm kidding. We watch we're watching line We're gonna go mark those line kids. We're in the union, dude, buddy. I was kidding Is there any way we can call I want to kiss Christ all these Bobby's a scab Bobby's a scab That's fucked up seriously. I'm only I mean we're joking around. We're trying to be funny, but that's fucked up, dude Listen, that's crazy. It was Lion King

Lion King Generally confused trolls is the Lion King You guys done are you done? You're done in this business. I'm not you and you remember too. I'm gonna complain all right to my alderman or whoever runs the all So I I put in We stop trying to try on bracelets Well look at my eyes and listen I can't everybody else is why I listen I look at what the fuck Do you have parents do to you You know that him don't look at me when I discipline you stole movies probably so we

Enjoy today I'm having a blast I look for now baby YouTube So we we it was Lion King he didn't want to watch Lion King He didn't want he didn't want anything to do it Lion King. I don't know why I Remember watching Lion King. I thought it was great. I think the movie holds and he likes the cartoon version Which is another thing guardians of the whatever wait is there a real action life version? What do you mean? It's called Africa.

What do you mean? It's called Africa. What do you mean? Is there another cello? It's related action. The, no, it's a cartoon. The cartoon-liking. Right, but what is he talking about? Just the alternative. There's an actual TV show.

Oh, right, right. The kids watch. I got you. And he wanted nothing to do with it. And he started screaming and flipping out. And then Dom was like, you got a bus you're tea. He's like, no. And he flipped out again. And he was just having a meltdown. And then finally I go, look, if you, because he wasn't listening, if you don't listen to your mother right now and blah, blah, blah, no movie. There's no movie. Tell you go go to bed because it was like nine

something anyways and he but he kicked and he knows he kicked his feet and I go that's it I pick him up I go go to bed and he's he flipped out I go let me tell I could cry because he's crying I mean he he threw right away knew he fucked up. Right away with it. No, I was all, and then once you say it, you can't, you can't go back. You can't be like, all right, one more, you can't, because you'll raise a shit kid.

What's he saying, I'm sorry, when he did it? Buddy, he was just, he, no, he wasn't saying sorry at the beginning, but he was like, I wanna, I wanna, and it was like, nope, you messed up, fucking deal with it. And we had to put him to sleep. I mean, put him to bed. Oh, no. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, to bed it was sad because he was I mean melting down down like screaming crying

Don of course don't what high pitched I mean really bad and yeah I was I don't it was the first time we really had a punishment punishment You know really takes up hey like that he's cute as shit ever and that's what and then don was like I'm gonna go in and read a book I go go, you can't, you can't go in, reading a book is a movie but shitier. It's just, you're giving him a shitier option that he's gonna say no to. And you know, and she went in and of course,

he actually was like, I wanna read this book and she's like, okay, no, I wanna read that book. She's like, okay, I wanna read this, and finally she got mad and she comes out. I'm like, now you're mad because you're mad that you so now we're fighting like but where we're quiet fighting We don't fight we know we should do next time you to punish them play him an episode of this podcast one that I'm not on One of these sans Joe list episodes Really

So we And then when he's good you give him a list classic, maybe one of the ones of guest hosting perhaps. So we, yeah, and she came, now we're fighting in the office, but we're quiet fighting. Like, I told you, she's like, we're you see that? I'm like, I'm just like, why? You guys don't quiet fight in the shed, you have? No, we didn't do the shed.

So we, we, we finally went back in, because I don't like to why, you know, do you guys own quiet pipe in the shed you have? No, we didn't do the shed. So we, we, uh, we, uh, we finally went back in cause I don't like to leave my kid alone, like when you punish him, I mean, you don't isolate him totally cause I think that fucks him up. So we'll go back in and talk to him and so we both were lying in the bed and he's the cutest, you know, my kid, dude, my kid is the fucking cutest.

And he's looking at me and he's like, I'm like, looking, I love you so much But you being punished is like like What I just want to go fuck it. Let's go. Let's go watch the movie what movie did he want to watch? It was um the movie you want to watch was what's the one? Buckleps now. No No, I would have cracked it. Oh, why is my brain's not working today?

Um, the fucking superhero one incredible incredible. Oh, that's good. You guys said it would be a lot Well, that's the thing we were gonna do trying to do something different and he wasn't having it It was a whole bunch of things. He wasn't listening. He's been and he went to bed last night. I'll talk to him Please do not that'll put him right to sleep. Yeah, I don't want your stank on my kid. There's a big one of them. Here we are. Hey, there's a hot bean Indian. Remember that video? Deep Who did? The monologue videos.

Yeah, do you have that? I deleted them off the internet completely. Why? Did you see them? No, no. That's not all time harnesses ever laughed at any podcast. So we watched that and then you had finished and you went, I'm not hungry.

We've been planning a big lunch after. I was like, oh, the whole episode was about going to food pizza. It only exists on this podcast, on that episode. So that's my gift to you, Bob. Pull that up. I want to see it. So anyways, we uh, I got a pay to see that shit. We uh, those are the bonus features. Speaking of pay while I got a

beautiful episode going behind the paywall today of this week of Paul Verzi. Me and him did one of these the cigar shed up in my house. It was my idea. What? We were in the cigar shed. I was like, Hey, let's do a pod together. You and me one on one. Super pay. I what what do you talk about that's we can still do that but i did one with verzy too who knows Lewis jay go mess sorry nobody i'm sorry uh... Ralph Sutton uh... Ralph Sutton's landlord

wait a year thing now you do uh... one on one's in your shed i'm starting to do it in my shed yeah so i want to have somebody come up and we'll do a one on one. We'll smoke a cigar and we'll talk shit Yeah, Facebook live it. What's that? You Facebook live it. I don't Facebook live it I tried to do a couple those but it's too it's too long a little long anyways So yeah, he fucking flipped out and then you, you know, it was the saddest shit I've ever been through in my life.

Cause you can't relive your childhood through the kid. What happened to that? What are you looking down at? I'm thinking what question I'm gonna ask you. I'm switching pan, my bad. Yeah, I'm always shit. You put a rickian, you're a snitch. I'm supposed to be.

Every move of you guys at this nitchy- I hang out with so many more. Yo, yo, yo, don't mess me up. Yo, he's over on the corner. Jesus Christ That was a racist that was that was pretty so that was pretty good. I was pretty good. I was pretty good Wish I was you don't have enough time in an episode to do that one The whole different what's up, Lenny? What'd you have? Well what what's the epilogue to the story? Have you epilogue and everything was okay?

to the story. The epilogue and everything was okay or apologized. There's a fucking twat this morning. The epilogue is this. Three-year-olds are fucking cons. Okay, and they fucking will manipulate you, fuck you and screaming y'all. And we'll stop with the pedophile fucking jokes. You're dumb in the ass. You're talking fucking, you're talking fucking.

I didn't say smell your finger. You just put that in there. And second, you just said they'll fuck you. I'm just repeating what you said. They'll fuck you in the what? He's gonna happen the next morning. I tell you, he woke up this morning. Are you still in a shoe?

No, I woke up and I woke him up. You know, what's up buddy? And we were, you know, hey, I love you. How you doing? And he woke up happy. We had a car and he came up, but then he turned into an ass again. You know, he, you know, she was like,

you know, he had to go to school and he's like, I don't want to go to school. It's just what three year olds do. That's it. It's not a hard time. And it's not personal. It's just what they do. They're testing the boundaries.

They're testing the limits. They don't know what, they're verbalizing for the first time, communicating. You know, he knows that if he can say sorry, really with a cute face, he gets out of it. I came up to you the day. He was like, I'm sorry, Dan, can I please have that? And I was like, you, I literally went, I went, you, I almost called them a motherfucker,

but I went, I went, you little sucker. I was like, you, and he looked at me really well. And he was like, hmm, it's like, he knows. You know, so. You think it's the only child thing? Well, that's the thing that me and Don had another little tiff this weekend. Oh, boy.

Is she one favorite? No, I want a fucking baby. Yeah. Good girl. Good girl. Good boy. I'm a good boy. I want to get one pregnant.

I'm a good boy. I want to get her pregnant. I want to try 87 times. If you had a baby, but. If you had a girl, would you name it Roberta? No. I'll be bad. It would be Gemma. Who could be Kelly Kelly?

Kelly Kelly. No, we can't blame my asshole. My name is Kelly Kelly. Who would do that? I knew a stopper. What Kelly Kelly? Who? I knew a Kelly Kelly.

I went to school with a Courtney Kelly. Her mother's name was Courtney Kelly. She married into the Kelly. But Kelly Kelly's stupid to school with a Courtney Kelly her mother's name was Kourtney Kelly she married into the Kelly yeah, but court Kelly Kelly's stupid I know what she married into it. I don't know she's dumb. She should have found some a McDonald's keep your name Huh keep you guy the name? What's your name again? My name is Chris Chris. Yes. Ah, thank you Bobby Thank you, I feel great. I

I Would name my daughter Gemma I would but he's a Gemma Gemma. What is she an American gladiator? Thank you. Thank you, welcome. So great. Hiya. Hiya. I would name my daughter Gemma, but he- Gemma? Gemma? What is she an American gladiator? I'm like a stripper. Gemma. It's like British.

Gemma? Gemma, yeah. That's not a good life. Well apparently, no, if I do have a daughter in the name of Gemma, how you feel about my daughter? No, I'll support it. Okay. What about Deepu? I would know.

I would know a million fucking years. If I was a little king of India, I wouldn't name my kid Deepo. That just sounds like the question that goes on in your head every day. What about Deepo? That's my opinion. I like that, Stank. Guys, guys. I like that.

That's terrible. You know what? You're the problem in this country. White man. Ooh. He's not white. Is that the worst? He's the worst liberal you could ever meet.

What do you mean? He defends you guys more than you defend yourself. I don't even defend that stuff much. Can I ask a question? What happened to Puerto Rican people and like all this race stuff? Dude, when I drive past a cop pulling over a black guy, I yell on my window, then I can do it. And I keep going.

I am not. I don't support us at all. She is. Who's us? Brown people? These people? No, I'm kidding. She is.

Are you self-hating Puerto Rican? A little bit. I'm why. I'm fine. I don't know. Why? It's easier to be. Really?

I guess. Are you trying? I'm sorry. Will you try to be really I guess what are you trying I'm sorry We try to be funny and it went wrong. You played it up a little bit I played up a little bit. I was hoping it would reach But why wouldn't you just fucking back your people for the beautiful hair line you have yeah It takes an hour and a half to do what to frame in that face. Yeah, that's just because it's so big to get around this get around the circumference of it. It takes a lot of redoes with like, you got to circumnavigate that. Well, I mean, I but seriously, I haven't seen Puerto Ricans like in the mix on this whole

trump to I don't know where we're talking about Lewis J. Gomez talks about it all the time. I don't listen. I don't know. I'm talking about. I'm talking about neither. I'm just assuming, you know, how do you even know what he talks about it all the time. I don't listen. I don't I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm just assuming, you know, how do you even know what he talks about? He's Puerto Rican. What do you say? I don't know. I haven't heard it, but I'm just guessing they heard. They're an asshole. You know what? You're an asshole. Talks about top of the list. Literally brought something up and we're all interested in the idea. I have no idea. I just brought it up. What the

fuck? You can't say that you know a Puerto Rican very well who's talking about right here. Puerto Rican. I'm actually making the point that he doesn't fucking talk about it. That's my point. My prize is Mexican. Who? Me? We got a fucking way. Let me talk to a Mexican about this. Well, where is he? Can you move over behind the bigger Puerto Rican? Right there. Listen, yeah, but are you you Mexican Mexican? Yeah, I mean, I have a question. Did you look you took me to a Mexican restaurant and and it was all Mexican people, right? But you seem very white in that restaurant. Well, yeah, my parents speak English. I mean, I'm not are you how would you are you not from

Mexico? They're from here. Yeah, so your second generation Mexican. No, more than that actually. Really? Okay. Sorry. I brought it up. You mixed with him. All you're doing my biography right now, but. Sorry. What's the question, though?

Are you mixing all? Yeah. I didn't know what that was. I was just giving you the credit for the last. Are you Mexican, I think? And what are the water-portor weekends talking about, too? What were my parents? Well, I think Mexicans are very vocal on where they were

Hang on a second. I think Mexicans were very vocal with their where they were with the the election I just don't think Puerto Ricans like I mean I didn't see one Puerto Rican going what the fuck are you guys just cool with everything? I say what the fuck all the time well Puerto Ricans are you not really on Facebook? They're what they there's no illegal Puerto Ricans are already citizens because the Americans exactly Some illegal Puerto Ricans out there. I know because they're with your port if you're born in Puerto Rico Right, but but here's a deal though black people are American citizens too, but they have a problem with what's going on You just never hear any Puerto Rican issues. What's a Puerto Rican issue? Too many

issues what's a Puerto Rican issue pull it up too many podcasts you don't really have not in the rooms at work Puerto Rican but it's it we don't really have an issue really you just happy really you know the Puerto Rican issue is the economy now it's like it's like in the tank that's I think that's their big party all the time so we don't really fuck about it party all the time was any Murphy Puerto Rican no he's black

oh close is that true that you guys don't He's all the time. Was that he Murphy Puerto Rican? No, he's black. Oh Is that true that you guys don't I'm sure listen, I'm sure someone somewhere has a problem. I don't we don't have any issues Yeah, they have a debt crisis. Yeah, I don't You've never been there. I have been growing up. You didn't like it I work on my grandmother who never took us anywhere. Right. So I was just in paradise, but miserable at her house. And she would only feed me like fucking yogurt because she thought I was too fat. So I was just like, it was miserable for me.

Sounds like somebody who cares. Yeah. What a sweet old lady. I wish she spent summers with her. I did. I spent a whole summer. And I would crash time. I'm gonna actually go spend some time

We should all go fucking your grandma's house. She's dead. Well, Lenny and I are fine Lenny you aren't fine, okay. I was gonna say you're too thin. What I look great. You look you know You don't look great great. You don't look great. You look good. I know it's fine. Howdy, please pull that back I got I'm above the I'm right in the sweet spot. What's that spot? Look up the graphs or whatever. I'm six two hundred and six. I wish I Wish I would get those graphs. I'm writing the healthy. Pull them up. Well, the healthy weight. Let's go through everybody So listen listen to that Listen, you're your exempt. Okay, we get it. You're bad Well, before we do that, we have to play DQs.Q's shitty video hang on one second. Yeah, you're good body wise

But there's no fucking Chart on faces Okay, because if there was you'd be off to fucking charts. So you're admitting that I have a nice body You have a no you have a good you have a healthy body. You're not faces fine. Your face is not fine It's flawed. It's flawed But it's not like look at that guy. I don't walk on the street. You're like buddy I'm you're out of your mind. I saw people do that behind you out front of the cellar because they recognize me for We see K. Oh, Jesus

I saw Michelle. Oh He was on the ship too What do we go? I talk about that body mass index. Yeah, spotty mass index. I want the thing with the height on the left and the weight on the bottom. It's body mass index. He just said it. Well, I don't know.

He might be wrong. He's not wrong. He's Indian. He definitely wants to graph. He's an Indian guy with a keyboard. How can he be wrong? Guys, guys. Boat.

Remember? No. What's that? What's your height, Joe? Six, two. You're six, two. And how much do you weigh? 168 168 168? So that puts you at a body mass index of 21, which is a very healthy

Now we're gonna let him mark us All right, all are you how much you weigh 6 1 1 1 1 73 Also in the healthy weight, okay, you Chris is terrifying Come on Christian got it. 5 88 you're 5-8. You're not 5-8. It's on my license. It's 5-8. You're not 5-8. It's 8 in New Jersey. Stand up for one second. No. You're not 5-8. I know I'm not 5-7. 5-7, there you go. Because I'm 5-8. But I've been on the 5-8 for a long time. It doesn't matter you're 5-7. I say 5-6 and a half. Spidey, you're a hobbit like. I'm sick. Come on.

Okay, you feed a dangling on the chair. I see the swinging. Yeah, I pump the chair. Feels good to swing. All right, what are you? What's your real height? Real height. Let's say five seven.

Can we see a five seven? No, five seven. What is it? And how much weight? Well, how tall are you? Just say it. Be honest. I be at five six.

I honestly say five eight. But you're five six. Let's say five six. Just to get through six just to get through this Are you five six? 278 pounds. How much you a 278? That is not true. No, no, no, let's put it to 30 Five six I just work on circuits Good one. Sorry Chris, but you're bordering on obese. Yeah, no bordering. That's fun. Okay My my height isn't on there. How tall are you six eight six eight six eight? So go six what's the tallest one?

They got six three six three put six three and then cut off a hundred pounds To be perfectly exact about it. I said I'm four60 460 yeah, wow you're off the charts buddy. You're fucking It's leaving this is another chart for you, but I'll be healthier than that skinny sandwich. No, you're not I don't have any problems except my fat just cuz you have a fit bit doesn't mean you're gonna be okay I'm fit as fuck oh my listen. I don't have any issues. Oh my god when he drops away He's like what are you? I need a time 58 260 I'm not even gonna look at your fan. Yeah, okay. I'm 58260. I'm not even gonna look at up your offense. Yeah, it's gonna be. Okay, I'm 58 and I'm 249.

You're not 58. I'm 582. 249, 260. It's 582, I'm 273. I mean, the chart only goes with 203. What are your turns? 203? No, 240 pounds, you said?

It's more than that. It's like 279. There's gotta be a better chart, do you agree? It goes into 300, actually. Yeah, I was reading it wrong. You know your obese. I don't say it's So matter of fact about it listen, that's it was a doctor. I would do the truth. Are you a doctor? I could have been a I should have been a dog you should have been with that fucking like just old hearted attitude

Just cold-hearted no bedside dog dude. You have no bedside man. It doesn't matter. I keep you alive Where's Scopo That's the name of the episode. First of all Scopo is retired No, I know that but I'm saying where is he? No, he's gone. He's off the show Retired scopo doesn't work retarded. No, Scubo was off the show. Oh, really? Yeah, he went away. He moved on to Greener Passes. He's doing comedy full time and garbage collecting.

He is. He's got him out back. He's also obese. He's just his ass. Yeah, he's a Lauren. And Lauren took over all his duties, which is booking the show and putting and putting waters out Yeah, so she added that to her repertoire People does everything

Lauren and Deepa do a lot of this. Do we have deep whose terrible videos? Can we all come up? I would love we're gonna do that if we try this music on But you guys Music off. Why is the music on all right. Let's bring some mood in food in here. Is there a policy only two comics with TV credits at a time? We'll be going on there. I have a TV. Yeah, who's that me and you? Sorry, I know you were on here.

I was on here, so David Letterman. So I've had him in many, many times. Yeah, wow, what is that doing anymore though? Lenny, Lenny times. Can you use that now that he's off the air? It depends who you talk to. I think it's more of a credit when it's off the air. I think it's pretty special.

I think it's pretty special, but Mike Yard laughs at me every time he brings me on stage. Why? Because you have to see David Letterman. And there's a whole generation that go, who? Yeah. A whole generation. He's been gone. It's like November. It was a joke, Lenny. But, it's funny that you say that because that's what's going to happen to all of us anyway.

Not me. Really? No. I'm willing to bet that it not. I didn't know how- I didn't know. A feminine you are? I didn't really. Yeah, I just got that really.

Yes. Nobody will know. Nobody will know. Anybody is. Like if you ask these guys all these new comics. Yeah, but we're gonna be fucking, we're gonna be 70. You're only, you're in your primary career people going who. Oh, let's back to the chart.

I don't know if we're gonna be 70 at any I'm kidding. Well 70's not on how many times you've done Letterman three That's crazy. It's crazy. Colbert coming up. Are you doing Colbert? Yeah, are you excited about that? Not as much as I was Letterman, but yeah, because Letterman is like it was like the tonight show Yeah before it and then that became the tonight show now who who do you think is the Letterman or the tonight show of our days that Jimmy Fallon is that co-bear nobody's breaking ground letterman broke ground Right, so it's it doesn't Kim. Oh, you think yeah, but Kimmel's crowds stink for comedy It's all because it's no I mean, it's just no I mean they don't even want they're there for the band I think it's just apples and oranges now

do you think yeah well i think that uh... i mean letterman's considered one of the four you know kings of late night he was the last guy that kind of changed the way late night was done everyone's doing a version of either him or the old-night show now it is weird and how many out there's so many shows so many late night shows right now the sex seven is it seven not with you instead of

oh not with the one stand up now well they don't all do still do stand up at one point cone and can you think cone was it would could have done it if if if it didn't explode the way it exploded i think yes what the tonight show no no one could have been the the guy to do could you been the next letterman of the next uh... you know johnny carson was he the guy to do. Could he have been the next ladderman or the next, uh, you know, Johnny Carson was he the guy? I think I was going to answer. I guess it was Jay Leno too though

you get to add him in there. How long did he do this at night show? 25 years, 20 years. It's a lifetime. Yeah. So you get to add him in that mix. Conan probably would have could have been that guy and he would have been the lead guy. But if it worked out, but it didn't. So now he's just over on TBS it kind of gets lost on TBS he does why it's on the you know the dial is the dial but why didn't we're still two four five seven generated yeah why is it why why didn't he go to a network like one of the big three why didn't he just go to the competitor I feel like he's got freedom over there like you do it every and like his web presence is better than anybody's i think

i think so too like he's like they can't replace him in the uh... british british guy what's his name court court i like him i know some people don't but i do and i like his little car karaoke because it's actually uh... original i he's he like let him in did when he had his little small lake show he's breaking ground don't you think um i think he's just a it's I guess you could say that I don't think he is the way Letterman did. I think Conan was a groundbreaking. I think Conan was doing very much a version of the Letterman show. I think he would say. Right he was but he was definitely like very odd and and like kind of like out there and like he like that show almost failed for the first five years of his existence. A Conan.

Yeah. People hated it. Well, it was weird because it was a weird choice when they replaced Letterman. All of a sudden they brought this big tall, lanky redhead writer. Young guy, yeah. And you're like, nobody knew who he was. Right. He had no nothing.

And he had Andy Richter with him. It was like, who is this fun? And it was almost like I Remember my personal feelings ever was like oh, he just got picked Lauren Michaels just fucking jammed him another person just jamming this person in our faces He's a this is your next to whatever. Yeah, where we didn't have a choice But I gotta say to Lauren Michaels does that a lot and he's a lot of the times right. Because after time, you're like, oh shit, now I see what, you know, I actually like Conan

this show became. I love Conan also. Yeah, he became really good, but now his show, I don't know, it's two, I wish he went back to the smaller stage. It's two LA talk showy. Would you do one? What? I'd like to give you one, which one would you do one? What? What? I'm offered one?

Yeah, if I had to give you one, which one would you do? That's a question for the whole room. I do, Tadaycho. Fuck yeah, Tadaycho. Right? Are you crazy? Jimmy Fallon? The roots?

Rock and Fela Center? I meant, would you, if you were asked to host one? Like, how long? I'm late, not sure. First of all, I would never, it's off the charts the the the it's off the charts out people like ball people It's off the charts. I mean like if literally this focus group would be like no We want hair as soon as it as soon as they see you they're like no as soon as they see me like who is this prisoner What did they literally think that the network channel became like PBS?

This guy is family back. Come on. Yeah, exactly. Would you wear a two-pay to have your own lane? I'd I'd wear a two-pay to how I let's work it out. Is it how long he used to do for this podcast? He decided not to do anymore Yeah, that listen listen listen away. This is a dumb shit. It's siren shut up That's the actual unfunny police. They're coming for you, Marcus. Put that on you. No. Come on, dude. Put it on your fucking microphone. Don't be an asshole. It's wrong with you. What do you get coming? Are you mad? What's wrong with you? They're hurry up. They're coming. Answer the question before they take you away. What's wrong with you?

Why would you do that? Why do you mean me? What's wrong? Nothing is wrong. You don't want to get picked on today? Put it in the bed with no movie, Bobby. What's that fight about? You okay? No movie. Why would you do that? I'm not into the bomb, Dan, I think. Yeah, but then what the fuck? I'm sorry that we have a tradition that you don't have to do. I forget. Well, what are you going to do?

You're going to change the whole thing. Are you okay? Yeah, it's fine. See me lose fucking pissed off today. I'm busy, I was busy. Bob is trolling you, don't fall for it. No, I'm sorry. Don't fall for it, he's trying to get an incident. I'm doing that.

It's good for rating. I'm worried about you, that's not you. You see the question, why? You see him a little fucked up, are you okay? Yes, what happened? Nothing happened. I'm just, you're a little, what? What happened?

You're busy? There's nothing, that's it. You're busy today? It's become clear to Lenny that the giants have no chance in the Having trouble. I don't like that Lenny. You you see him a little fucked up in your friend of mine. Are you okay? The everything's fine. What's wrong? Nothing is wrong. There's something wrong. What's wrong? It's absolutely nothing. Why are you being so fucking twatty? What's wrong? I have an eat. That's probably Oh, you're blood sugar slow You get a come on my show a little blood sugar. I was busy. Well, what are these fat fucks have a snack? Give them some blood out of your pocket

Away from these guys if they get cracking really be bad I this why I love Lenny he thought that misery loves company. He was the company He's the you're the miserable one too What is it pretzels? He was the company. He's the, you're the miserable one too. What is it? Pretzels, go ahead. Happy flies self-respect. He's the face of hangry right there.

This is the worst podcast we've ever done. Well, you have literally fucking new stink. You suck. You're an asshole. We haven't gotten to that. We gotta talk about their strengths. Like Chris makes a great guacamole apparently. Is that true?

I heard. No, I'm making a great salsa. Oh I know why I don't know that yeah I don't know what where did you find that from you're Facebook sometimes I'm that that's not true what the you don't you make my post and pictures of my salsa all of it does make a good salsa but we we can still save this let's play D. Poo's dumb videos we can save it I really that would you like to be the one I don't want I don't want to talk to you. I'm done with it. No, Lenny's little fucking tantrum tantrum gave me fucking angry.

So now I'm moving on. Let's go. You're a tantrum tantrum. I didn't do anything. I asked you a question. You do a bomb out there. And you got to throw the thing in the basket like a little fucking spoiled kid.

Here we go. Can I say this? The neat thing about the tonight show, even though it's Val and it's silly, it still at least is the tonight show. It still a legendary show it's the same show so I would say that thank you Joe uh... take out a criminal now this is big news because now we know that it's a lot of the space unlock perks like in colabu

only five more kills and they can call an air strike by pressing l2 and r2 it was later reported that the device used was a remote tech andross Mark V, which is a relief because up until then, we were picturing them strapping C4 to Disney's lovable wall-eat. Ha! It's a comedy nicest video.

What's the point of it? I'm worried about it. This is, I'm sorry. I don't know if I could get matter, but this literally just lit something in my chest. I almost punched my microphone. I don't even know what it is. Did you do the actual Wally from Eva? Oh, Evie saying Wally.

Evie, can you do one? Wow. That's not bad. That's pretty good. No. Probably just one. I don't. But I forgot I'm furating the free of us.

OK, let me hear it. That's going to become more common. The fact the Mark V costs $150,000 should put you at ease. Sooner or later, they're going to realize catching a bad guy may not be worth a Ferrari and a half On the other hand, it does cost to state that much to keep one inmate for three years. So We should be seeing droid armies ways here than expected. Hey Remote tech can we get a thousand or your finest droids, please?

I'm gonna go kill myself. Yeah. I'll see you guys later. Now play the video. Yeah. I love- Oh, that's the line. You copped the line. Oh, you got you. Literally, it's not hungry.

Anthony Hitler. I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry. I've never- What is that video? What is the purpose? I tried to make like a weekly like, you know, topical minute long video, just like topical jokes

because I was reading this book about how to write jokes. I, you know, I started writing shit all the time. Who wrote a first gopo? Yeah. Did you film it on a motor or a razor? It looks like I shot it on a nanny camera. Yeah. Oh boy.

What kind of, what kind of, what all said you make? I make a great cherry chipotle salsa. I might invite you to my next barbecue if you bring some salsa. Yeah, I tell you though, I could watch that shit all day. I could watch 27 episodes of that. There's a lot of demand for it. People are like, you gotta make it. Yes, you should, but I'll just kill myself if I make two more.

Who are you? Who are you? I made three of them Yeah, wait a minute. Are they all gone? Oh, do you have them somewhere? They're all gone then look at me I promise you look at me why would I keep them around? Come on. Yeah, look at this be vault It's like what you got your first camera you could use of jerk it off just see what you look like. Oh yeah everybody did Yeah, I did that. Yeah, I Would do that Lauren. Yeah, I did that. Really? I did that, yeah. I did that, Lauren. Yeah, all the time.

Yeah, play it, hit it. I did it, I actually, I had, I did it, I recorded it to see what I look like, it was awful. But then, remember I on the monkeys that I was in a comedy group with Dane Cook and a bunch of other guys and we were doing our sets. So we were sitting there watching it one day and all of a sudden

just two seconds of me going, oh, from like my nuts up, it was just me on the bed. Me on my bed, me on my bed locking my legs, just going, oh, it was like, and they were like, whoa, what the thing? So it was like some stupid sketch in the me, oh, and then back to the sketch. That's really subversive. Yeah. Did you, so you held it with your legs and filmed? No, I had a tripod, I'm not an asshole, I'm not an animal. I don't know what you're doing. And a fucking tripod.

You just got to be made a part of the bathroom. I actually used to do like porn, I'd have girls come over. And not that I would do it, they would know they're being filmed, but I had like marks, like you'd have to hit your mark. You have like T marks? I'm a little tape I was the lighting on those things it was terrible. Yes tough. I had one girl at the end at the end of it She looked in the car when after I blew my load she went that's all folks

It was actually pretty fun. Yeah, that's pretty charming. She was a real pig I know she's a pig, but your team player maybe yeah, but poor kid. She still talks about it I don't know she was actually a sweet little girl. I used to like her, but her team player maybe. Yeah, but porky pig. I think she still talks about it. That's what I don't know. She was actually a sweet little girl. I used to like her, but I'm sure. She used to bug me because her house smelled like mothballs. Oh, that's the other way around. Her mother liked a good mothball. I kind of like that smell.

I hate it. Not when you haven't sex. Gross, grandma. Yeah, it's very grandma-y. Yeah. Well, chipmunk exterminatory. Let's take it with a chipmunk. Did you know that?

Do you put mothballs in? Mothballs in the hole. They hate put mouth balls mouth balls in the hole? They hate it mouth balls in the hole. That's my move that's What do you live I live in Brooklyn and Brooklyn my red hook are you from there? I'm from Jersey Oh from Jersey. We're part. I was born in Jersey City, and then I moved to Mars County Oh Jersey City. That's a tough neighborhood. Yeah, the heights not bad. Is it bad? I got jumped once really just once Yeah, what did they do they took my? I was early 90s of starter hats were really hot right and I had a San Jose Shark starter hat

Yeah, and the kid just threw me up against the wall and a punch me and then took my hat He punched you he didn't ask for the hat first and then you denied him and then he asked me and I said no I was like no, I was 10 and Then he took it could you describe the assailant? He was white. Was a white guy. Yeah, it was a ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. I assume he was white.

He's stealing a San Jose shark. Right. No, but that was a hot starter hat. They were brand new. Was it a white guy? I knew that. No, he was a... He was a Latino guy.

That's funny. I got mugged when I was real young. I think I was in like second, third, fourth grade, somewhere around there. And the guy, it was the white dude. It's summable, remember summable? Yeah, I remember it's called Slumberville. Now it's Memkipster.

Remember the assembly square mall? Yeah. When that first, we were walking over there and a guy caught us, there's like highways. And there was in between, there was like a little spot. You could kind of wait to cross the street and he got us like it on that little island so there was no way to fucking get away. Yeah and he caught us on the little island this little fucking Irish douchebag.

And then he goes hey kids come here and we walked over because you look like our uncle like an uncle and he's like give me a money and then we gave him fucking all of our we had changed. His kid money like pie all the time. We had like dimes and nickels and he's fucking. Sweaty nickels. And then I go, can I have, I go, hey, can I have a dime to call my mom just so I can get home? And he threw me a dime, like a Coke commercial. That's really nice.

That's a white mugger. Yeah. Consider it. I mean Joe, I mean Joe's real emotion. Yeah, and I took it. I called my mom. It was, I'm going to call the police too, where they were like, I did the same thing. What's it like, and I took it. I caught my mom. I'm gonna call the police too, but they were like,

I did the same thing. What's it like, Edmug? We call the police. That's unenjoyable. It's scary. You got mugged? Yeah. What happened to you?

I was walking through Central, I just do a joke about it. I was walking through Central Park and a guy had a knife, and he was like, give us your money, and I was like, I don't have any money.

And I just started running. I ran, really? I got away. Did he chase you? No, no chase. Where did you just run through the field or the the the the park? The park was Boston coming. I was going from the Comedy connection to the comedy vault. I was walking through the park at night really. Yeah

Did you really didn't have to walk through the park? Why don't you just walk down Tremont Street? I was cutting through the park. I was actually a longer way No, it's not it actually is walking up to him and cut through to get to the vault, which is no longer the vault. What is it? It's now Emerson College. What happened was the alley, they bought the whole alley, you know, the alley with those Zanzibar and all the bars. Yes, we had a nightclub, but it was technically on Emerson's part of Emerson's campus. So there'd be brawls there every night, because it's Boston and

it's last call. Yeah. So every time those brawls would happen, the Emerson police would get called. So it was like showing up in the Emerson police, they were like,'s like showing up in the emerson police They were like what's up with your college here, right? So they just bought all of it and shut everything down. They're like so it's all gone. It's all College like clean cut just We uh, yeah, you know, it's funny. I went me and burr. We're walking home with Jack leery from uh the Boston comics come home And I forgot how fucking rowdy Boston is because it was last call and it's just these fucking these guys out in front of bars.

Over by the Boston guy and just fucking dead. Fucking dad. Look at me going now, dude. I don't give a fucking just people find, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, fucking wait. Just create me, just keeping your head down, trying to get by these brawls without getting the fucking a nice elbow in your face that's what you got to

go out with oh my god he's the best drinking buddy you could ever have oh my he used to do that professional stop this just like nobody nobody fucks you to you at all it's great people in Boston he'd get fuck nope my wife told me that was fun Boston and we went to Yankees red socks numbering. He's like, I'm like I'm fine. Don't I was fine No Yankees talk to me. Yeah, but you you talk big dude I don't know. Yeah, buddy. You're talking about a red sucks game now after 2004. It's a different game Okay, I fucking I dare you to go to a southeon a saturday night at fucking closing time And go with you. I don't know fuckers I dare you to go to a southe on a Saturday night at fucking closing time. Huh? And-

I'll go with you. I don't know, fuck it. I'll just put- I'll have Deepa hook up with a body cam. We'll just take that- Go, bro. I'm just- Did you see you going down a one knee like a fucking baby elephant?

I'm just fucking- I'm just in the curb. Let me put it in. I'm just looking at a tire rim. Let me put it in the experiment, then Deepa just gets his ass kicked the whole thing. Yeah. And I joined in. Hey, that was great. Deepwood's fucked up, but that was wonderful.

Let it get mugged. Yeah, I did. I got mugged here. You got mugged here in front of the cellar? Yeah, right here. How did you? On the way to the stage. You got mugged of his podcast in this room.

Oh, shit. No, it had to be. What the fuck? Was that a deep cut? Sorry. Deepwood's part. Am I about to be mugged? No, I was to be what the fuck was that a deep cut sorry a deep Good I Am I about to be mugged?

No, I just deep who you should call it called deep cuts with deep Oh, just take all the fucking shitty things he said to people over the years could be his nest monologue In the city like on 34th street right near the garden I was in one day and I had like a like a chain on I didn't realize you were a chain back in was the 80s Yeah, and the 80s. I was a kid garden. I was in one day and I had like a chain on it and realized, you were a chain back in the 80s? Yeah. In the 80s, I was a kid. What did you rob chain with a star, David? And didn't have the star, David.

But it was like, it was like a little chain. Maybe I got it for high school, you know, in high school. Right. And then some guy just went up and he was like, hey, you got a quarter and I'm like, what? And before I could even say, I'm sorry, I didn't even hear you. Right. He just grabbed and started running.

And as he's running, I'll never forget it. It was right near the garden. I'm running. I'm chasing after him. Right. Because I'm like, I'm going to catch this guy, you know. And he's weaving it out. And I start yelling to the people.

This is how great New Yorkers are. I go, somebody stop that guy. And this guy, I'll never forget it. In a briefcase walking by me the other way, he goes, why don't you? Right. I'm like, speaking from, oh, really? And I realized from that moment on I'm on my own so I go running this guy's ducking between Trevor there's so many people you're

putting a chase I ran after you I don't know 18 38 what a 18 maybe and I ran after this guy and I chase I saw I'm ducking on the car so now it's like I'm in a full chasing right and in this thing and then finally I see a cop and I go this guy just Monk's he's like come to the station. I went to the station. I looked through mug books of guys who did this for like Jesus Christ. He took a thin chain. I know. I'm not I think it's think of fucking an alley. Sorry. It was expensive and how much was it probably like 500 bucks? Are you kidding me? Who gave it to you my parents? Oh

Really? Oh, now that's fucking it has value cuz you know what it was insured so I got it But it wasn't the thing you were the fuck you insured it's my parents did my fucking parents First of all never got a chain I never got anything insured in my life and then insured me The sorry about everybody's life in this room. Yeah, and your parents, sorry. But yeah, my parents did stuff like this. So whatever I chase this guy, and then I look through mug books. But did you know is insured when you were chasing him? No, of course not.

So if you, at that point, if you, if you, you know, it's insured, would you have stopped? Absolutely not. I was going to get this guy. Really? I didn't care what he had on him. Well, Lenny, I want to say something. Yeah. We have him here today. Come on in on in Ross Maniv Bobby's already here

I'm sorry I'm sorry you punched up my joke can we edit that we're he just goes he's right here I know there's a big putter what listen to me see like a fun the cops are very non-plussed about like yeah it happens all the time of course yeah because it's a fun he's right around here help Help me look. There's like, thank you. Yeah, it must have been late 80s. Yeah, they didn't get. Wow. I had my bike stolen in, what, I parked my bike

on between 49th and 60th on Broadway, brand new bike. 49th and 60th. 59th and 60th. 59th and 60th. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry, 57th and 48. Remember the Galaxy Diner?

I feel like it's playing football. Hang on, was that 58? This is having us 11 blocks, fucking radio. How big was your bike? My bike was part of between 11 blocks. It was 38th and 40th. Oh, it's still working. It's working.

58th and 57th. No. What is that? 58 58 and 57. No, what is having 50? 58 and 57 We'll still be right now broadway He's right now. Yeah, he's broke I wish you all were the best I smell your sulfur I'm sorry, Lenny. It's funny when I fuck up I got back that you're fighting us on it You like I'm Italian Irish, okay? That's when we fight on everything I got I got Fighting us on it like 50

I'm Italian Irish okay, that's we fight on everything anywhere between here's a deal 58th and 57th in Broadway Broadway They at the the galaxy wasn't the galaxy diner remember the diner. Yes Barry cash used to take it body I want to work with you. I'm not gonna do it, you know, but should have known by the diner So I bought this bike with you. I'm not gonna do it, you know. But I should have known by the diner. So I bought this bike. One of the first bikes with disc brakes. Ooh. One of the first bikes that folded in half. Oh, that's right.

You know me, I always get the latest, this bike was, I just bought silver. It was the nicest bike ever. And I remember I won over Steve Bern had, he had a bike lock one of the just a you know a chain. Yeah with the plastic I go can I borrow this because I you know and I he's a yeah whatever I go and I loop it up Loop it up. I loop it up on one of the bike things right in front of it right in front of the diner a Cop two cop sitting in the cop car Who's gonna steal it guy came up up, snipped it, took it.

I walk out, I go, my bike's stolen. I go, hey guys, you were right here. Someone just stole my bike right here. They go, they go, when? I go, it has to be like 10, 15 minutes ago. You were right here. They go, yeah, it's in Harlem now. I know, they stalk you have a fuck.

I saw a crackhead selling a city bike in Harlem ones Almost bought it cuz he was like $20 I was like But I was like nah dev chips on them. Yeah chips and he didn't even paint it I'm like do paint it before you saw it. That's pretty funny Just selling a sense like selling an old person. Yeah, you know one by the soul lady I'm sure somebody's looking for Yeah, yo, one by the soul lady Yeah, I couldn't fucking believe it. I couldn't believe right in front of the cops and they were like yeah, whatever Like how could you not see one guy pull up on the bike right with the window down and then see another guy

A lot of people don't want to get involved like if you see that you know the bike with the chain I've seen people go in there with like breaking the chain like breaking it You know like is this guy's bike and you just lost the key or is he stealing a bike in broad daylight? Right on Broadway front of cops That's what you got to do though You got to like just like confidently go up and like and do that shit to grab a bike, right? Right the the comfort level is ridiculous Yeah, if you walk up to a bike and just take it. Yeah, nobody's gonna question you Yeah, you know if you're sneaking it late at night and you have a flashlight in your mouth is ridiculous. If you walk up to a bike and just take it, nobody's gonna question you.

You know, if you're sneaking it late at night and you have a flashlight in your mouth and you're going, shh. People are gonna be like, yeah, what the fuck are you doing? I'm not locking your keys in the car and you try to get your own keys out of your own car. Like it's the most harrowing moments of your life back in the day because people think

you're stealing your own car. No one thinks you're stealing. No, every time you're stealing. What are you doing? Like people like, what are you, what's going on here? Yeah, New York City, there is a weird thing where it's like you just keep your fucking mouth shut and keep holding.

Let somebody else deal with it. I don't want to fucking deal with it because you'll get stabbed. I always think about that shit when you see people getting thrown, some lunatic throwing somebody on the train tracks. Oh yeah, that's terrifying. It's like, what do you do?

If you saw somebody getting some lunatic throwing some. It's like, what do you do? Yeah. You saw somebody getting some lunatic throwing some woman or a dude, what do you do? You know who rooted for everybody, the guy who jumped down there. And like, remember, he jumped on top of the guy and they went underneath the train. Oh, yeah, covered up. And he was like, you can do that.

They like both went underneath the train, went over the top of them and then the train left and then they stood up and they were fine. Do you remember that story? Yeah, that's real. I swear to God, I remember that. Mel Gibson was in that story, wasn't he? What are you talking about? I swear to God, that story? Yeah, that's real. I swear to God, I remember that. Mel Gibson was in that story, wasn't he? What are you talking about?

I swear to God, people, that they know what. That's real for me. You guys know what? He jumped down and instead of trying to have a ride, I'm up. Yeah, they went in the middle, the train went over the top of them, left, and then they got up and got back. I mean, I have a few minutes.

The fucking guy, the driver saw the guy do that and he just kept going. It was too late. Like, he couldn't stop. But he couldn't stop and fucking see if, what is he, he goes to the next stop. Yeah. You know what, why is he fucking, he just goes,

woo! That was close to the next stop. No. Wow, that's fucking great. It was a crazy story. I don't believe that. It's right behind you. June?

June, yeah, that sounds right. It looks like Dante Nero. He couldn't do that. No, you need a very small BMI index. That would have to be Joe and Lenny. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not doing it either you're out of your mind You go down. They you finish wait you see a guy on the train tracks. It needs help he calls for you to help you going help him All right, first of all I if Bobby can get on the tracks. I mean like What are you talking about?

You can jump jump I just don't like what fat guys make fat talks about me. It's just a few. I know I can't do it. The quick thinking bystander jumped to the aid of a man who suddenly became unconscious and fell into the subway tracks with just minutes

to spare before a train came whizzing into the station. Here's AJ Ross. I heard a girl scream and she point to set a man fell into the track. It was a terrifying moment on the tracks that not only drew point to set a man fell into the track. It was a terrifying moment on the tracks that not only drew attention,

but prompted David Toronto and two other good Samaritans to risk their. He's a big motherfucker. Yeah, I mean, he's a big guy. Is that that's the guy you did? That's the guy who did it. Yeah. For lives. We got it was laying out. I mean, he was pretty much down and out. There was no time to think it was

just do it and go and try to get him out and army veteran. Toronto says his instinct and training immediately I mean, he was pretty much down and out. There was no time to think. It was just do it and go and try to get him out. An army veteran, Toronto says, is instincts and training immediately kicked in. When he saw the unconscious man laying below the city hall, our trained platform last Friday. This I witnessed video captured the moments that followed as Toronto and two others quickly jumped down to help the man. This is not the one. I don't think so.

No. I like it to Have an army veteran. It's always those guys. It's never a regular dude. It's like this guy was a Navy seal. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, but that's not the story you were talking about. No, no, not that, but I swear that's real. Yeah, it's real. Well, how do I believe it? I just thought this was real and it's not real. I mean, it's impressive too. I can't just just went down and picked them up. Five guys picked the guy off the track. She'll be on the press. Let's go to five guys. and picked him up five guys picked the guy off the track he'll be up to that let's go to five guys

uh... this morning we're hearing from the two men who risked their lives to save us trained your own some way and having their necklace boxed in the loose figure real there's a black dude you know that story happened in the city he doesn't suck it's just a lot of people saving people's it's a

great common thing google black guy with the key to the city. It's the only one I have. I'm not on top of the guy. Yeah, I'm saying. I don't think that's possible. But are you helping a guy if he you're like the only guy in the subway station? Here's a if I'm the only guy in the subway station and a guy and then the trains coming. Yeah, I'm gonna go do it. I'm gonna go. I'm sorry.

Are you gonna like I got a fucking three year old dude. Right. I can't fucking die.. I'm gonna go I'm sorry. Are you gonna like I gotta fucking three year old dude right? I can't fucking die I I don't know would you I don't know either I would I think a lot of these things you don't know how you're gonna react human brains gonna but I also I think that I'd be quick to I would do everything I can't within without getting on the tracks. I'm gonna save myself Would you like try to like the can drink it up like stop? Yeah, I think that would be more likely to get my flashlight on my phone and and do that and start to stop

You like the train? I'm not gonna die for it to somebody every time I drive home to Boston I try to get my I see that fucking chips pancake thing the billboard and I try to get my phone out quick enough And I never do because I want to take a picture of it because of chip chip and I can never get it out. I always panic. Never mind if a train was going to kill a guy. There's no way I'm taking my flashlight out and my thumb's going to work right and the flashlight's going to go on. Yeah, I would try to yell and do everything I can. I'm trying to help full, thoughtful, compassionate guy. You're not going to hit by a train. You're not going to jump down and protect it. Certainly not. No way. I mean, if someone's there and I feel like I can help them pull them up or something maybe,

but I'm not covering a guy on the train track. Absolutely not. What if you knew them? Yeah, exactly. What if it was Bob? No, first of all, fuck you. Make it somebody he'd save. I'd love you very deeply.

You would not save me. Well, I wouldn't lie on top of you because I feel like I'd be too high. I'm not gonna try to make a joke. But I mean, if my girlfriend fell down there and she was knocked out, maybe I would try to do that, I guess. I don't, I really think all of this is hearsay because it's those things that kick in, you don't know what you're going to do. You have closeups of any of these guys. Can you do closeups a lot more? She

does two shots, the whole fucking show. But like, I feel it's like the same thing is, I think most people that have interviewed after the duorobic things they go. I just fucking react it right. I don't think I don't know But I mean I am a if my kid fell on the tracks. I would fucking yeah, I take the hit my wife on the tracks Depends on what what happened that day, but most 99.9 I take Like you have to try to have a What is it? What's the word I'm looking for? A heart? No, no, um, um, fuck, I'm so dumb.

Friend? I'm so dumb. Yeah, we know. A practical, you have to have a practical thing to do. Like, it's like sometimes people are drowning and they people just dive in the water to save them and then they both drown. Right. You want to be practical.

You're going to stay on the land and pull them up, except the train tracks. Like, if your kid just falls and you just jump in front of the train. Now your boat's just gonna get fucking annihilated. Yeah, but if you have to die, you think. Now you would jump down and try to throw. Look, if my kid falls, I'm out. Kid is different. If my kid fell, I'm jumping down, throwing him the fuck out of the train.

If we both die, we both die, but he's not. There's no way I'm going on with life if he gets shmed by a train. Kid is a different thing and none of us have children So it's harder to you get you could answer that think about your kid think about that little have a kid Pdi fucking small mouth perfect hair extremely incensitive Nah, come on. Have you guys any guys small mouth? He's my kid would be straight My kids, so you're talking about Lewis's kid of my kid your kids. He's mean and gay You're talking about Lewis's kid of my kid. Your kid's, he's mean and gay.

He's mean and gay. He was mean early on in his life. Now he's nice. He likes every, he loved Alma. He's a fantastic kid. He's a sesame street guy. He didn't know that, what he meant by that? He didn't know that.

He knows. He was over Thanksgiving, had a great time with Alma. Oh, she got it. You got invited. Which I could have come and meant to say. Okay, there you go. I don't know. Who would would be who would be it for you Probably my girlfriend you girlfriend you do it for girlfriend. Yeah, I love her

You do for your wife of course. I think wife and girlfriend are two very different things Why is that because One you know how this is gonna work out You know me and wife is a little more permanent. Yeah. How does it make you the horse all the time? That's true, but most people do. If you get married, are you on that road?

Yes. All right, well all right, Mike, that's it. I think he has a point though. Like if you save a girl from that situation and then she bangs somebody, or cheats on you later. You're gonna fucking be crazy. You're gonna put a lot of fun in the frame.

I saved you from a fucking terrain. Yeah, you blew my friend. Yeah, what a Lauren fell. She's a girl. If Lauren fell in front of me, I'd be like Lauren, get up. I'm gonna just Lauren, get a closer upon her. So Lauren, you're on the train tracks. You're wearing your sexy high heels.

One of them breaks, you fall down, your back is thrown out. One of us in this room can be up on the left. Who do you pick it? Who do you want with you when you high heel breaks and you fall on the chain track? You don't want to save in me? Which one of us?

Please go out and save me. Really? I am not. You gotta be nimble. You gotta jump down the fence. Oh, Mark and Tosser. Oh, you, Joe. Brr.

Thank you. I appreciate that. Oh, Mark and Tosser Oh you Joe. Thank you. Oh, Mark and tosser. Oh, you pick Oh, Mark and grab me and toss me up. But you understand Joe would try for two seconds and then say I can't do it. I fucking leave. I got a spot at the Creek in the cave. I gotta go. I try for two seconds and quit. I've been doing comedy. I'm picked. He's seven years. I would pick that guy. Write what you name again? Cody? Can some Cody would be my guy. I think Mike Suarez.

He's Mexican. These are hard work and thoughtful, compassionate people. Buddy, the last person in the fucking room would be Mike. Why? I only have four cousins who would be right there with me. I was known to look how small his hands are. He's not gonna be able to help anybody. You want a job done?

You're gonna get a Mexican. I would not. I would fucking either, I would push Omar in front of her to block the train. But you can take an impact, I can just hold her. Push Omar off the train. I'd push him off the tracks to stop the train so she wouldn't die.

Or I would have, I would have this gorgeous specimen with black slacks ox, jump down quickly, grab Lauren and throw her up. Hold Johnny Cheek Yes, I would know there's nowhere a pig Joe because Joe would panic No, you know this there's studies people with high anxiety and panic are the best and most calm people in Stressful situations. I believe that when stuff goes down It's people like me that are actually the calmest I've been in this because anybody like call like 911 like been in a situation where they like have to like Freak the fuck out. I've called 911 for like call 911 because I was going down

I had I had Larry Pucci called 911 on me Never Larry Pucci. Yeah, we got yeah, he was a comic. There's a big motherfucker This is back when I was sexy Bobby back in Boston. I saw him in a picture. We lived together and he, big fat motherfucker used to walk around naked all the time because he was too fat and he'd like more enclosed. And I remember I was gonna put clothes on.

I got people and he was like, no I'm fat. And I am hot and I know we're close. And he would just walk around naked. I used to like, he'd have hamburgers out or pizza out on the fucking microwave for like a week I'd be like dude I'm throwing the Saudi goes I'm eating that and he just throw out the microwave and eat it right down It was crazy rumble, but you I literally so one night he's playing music He would come out like two in the morning drunk and just blare music and make mix tapes and

I was like dude. I got to get up turn that shit down and he was like he opened the door he goes Oh fuck yourself shut the door and he opened the door, he goes, oh fuck yourself. Shut the door. And I kicked the door if it's hinges. And I fucking ripped, I go, fucking, now it's off. Fuck you. And he called the cops. And the cops came, and the cops?

No, crazy. Ha, cops came, thought we were lovers. Ah, we were lovers, poor old. Yeah, we both were at one point, we're like, we're not fucking each other. And we worked it out. We actually came good friends after that. But that's the only time I've ever called 911.

I've never had to use that. Thank God. You're yet scary. Well, you did it? I done it twice. For what? My date? Yeah, yeah.

It was like help me, Omar. My dad collapsed. Oh, I'm sorry. And then I had my roommate. Okay, is he okay? Yeah, he's good now. Oh, I'm sorry. And then I had my roommate. Okay, is he okay? Yeah, he's good now. Okay, what happened? He had a hard-valver placement.

And then that day came back, he collapsed. And I had a call 911. Wow. Yeah, that was... You're a friend passed away? And then I had a roommate who died. He died, how? Oh, she died.

She. Yeah. She was worse. How? Pill overdose. Pill overdose. Oh, she went to bed bath and beyond And yeah, yeah, it happens. You have to be careful to be on you know a pillow overdose was that a comic friend? Yeah, she was a comic Yeah, what's her name Amy Dalton? Yeah, I was the worst that it's a woman that's sexist Bobby. I think it's it's a sadder That's sexist. I'm think it's what it's a sadder that's sexist

i'm a definition i don't care but for you welcome to welcome to the new america oh fuck so far as you know bro it's not a good i just thought it would be it was a guy who did a pillow with those is i mean uh... uh... it shocked me that was a girl right

i'm a bad calling and shock me that he live with a girl girl. Yep. I did live with a girl. Yeah. Did you have a fool around with her? No I did have to give her chest compressions though. So you did That's a base dog. Yeah, that's what the fuck is that? That's what is that? That's what is that's how insensitive and picked off first. I think buddy. You talk about him Check it on titties. Well, she's dying. I just think it's unfair that you're just saying, man, oh, yeah, man, die. It's fine. Women are somehow above people. That's not what I said.

We added all that. You're the pro. You added all the hand gestures and all the shit to that. I did not say that. I said that it was fucking. I said that it's a little sadder that it was a woman. I think you don't think it. That's right in the heart.

Yeah. You don't think it's sad. If you have a dude overdosed, or, dude overdosed Or you said it before the overdose so don't try to mix your little facts Three overdose when you said a woman generally generally You take a public speaking question put your hands down the professional public speaker for 18 years I thought was 25 26-16 You said 16. Well, 16 is real.

All right. What was the other one with the other? Oh, fuck it. 28 years. That's all right. Ever hear of hyperbole? Nope. Exaggeration.

Thanks. Much better. Dumb that shit down. Ah. How about letting you use an epilogue on Bobby? That was, yeah. That's a stretch for this guy. He thought it was a dump you using epilogue on Bobby that was yeah, that's a stretch for this guy He thought it was a dump an epilogue

Can I have that Put that on your fucking epilogue All right anyways, we um is that really? By the way you fucking tough guy I'll jump on the tracks. It's raining Bobby's shitting his bed I'll jump on the tracks. It's raining Bobby's shitting his pants Can I tell you why it's drizzle are you gonna settle down? Let me tell you why sure Okay, you see the painting that it's off its hinges You see it you're off your hinges. You see it. Yes or no. I see the painting. You see the ceiling. Yes, yeah We it was fucking the ceiling was about to come down

Because the water was leaking out of the ceiling. Now if that water leaks out, it was leaking on the painting, it comes down and if it rains any harder and it comes through, all the plugs, all the everything goes fucking by by. We all die. So the electrical. Yeah. The electric to us. So we got to be careful. That's all I'm saying. So the more it rains, the harder, I'm not afraid of rain. But if shit goes down, yeah, old panic anxiety guy will be the one that, I guarantee the first one out of the room. It's runner.

I guarantee the first one out of your room. Guarantee the first one out of your room. No, I think, if your glasses fog up and you run, guarantee. Now that you've guilted Joe into it, I will be the first one out of the yeah I think I think oh you two will be the first one's gone I understand I

have no problem I think this guy will try to stay and die in the process yeah the guy with the hurt finger yeah that's why he's died it just breaks I can't help it yeah that's why he wouldn't survive if you were more thoughtful and cautious during big events perhaps your finger would be fine man it was it there's not a negative man I held onto the football though. I would have said everyone calm down Let's wait for a spiral to come Joe just let's touch the ball that's somebody what's that? I don't know I Think I was doing all right and then you just fucking you should take over hosting you just let me go into a sinkhole

Buddy, I was trying to let you you're so magical I thought you were gonna come with a good one. You fucking took a hot one. What do you want me to do? Who said I was magical? I said you were magical. Thank you. You're welcome.

All right, anyways, do we have any reads today? We did not. We did nothing. Okay, good. I got a good one. Yeah, boy. Why don't you start recording during the day so I can come back and get some advertisers.

We have. Thank you, Deepo. That's funny. Dude, me being mad at you because you're having is funny too. What else? It's terrifying. Yeah, it's not terrifying.

Have I ever hit you? You've come close. Yeah, you've thrown a box at me once. Yeah, because you're an asshole. How old was this guy? Wait, what'd he do? It was an empty, we were actually shooting something. It was one of those big crates they used for like storage and you threw it at my head storage crate

Yeah, why that's great. Um, we were shooting a promo. I love how people never remember what they did Yeah, they only remember the fucking what happened to them. Have I hit you? Huh? Have I hit you? I wish you would I Wish you take a nice swing Then I'd be like he swung on me. I'd love for you to take a nice hot one right now. No, I would never. I'm not attention today. It's a, it's not a wu. It's not a wu.

I'm gonna blame it. Was it because I brought up MLC? Was I? It's not a wu and then it, it, it, it trailed off from that. He, and then now, sorry, everyone. That's he. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, that's fucking that that that helps now. We're into the park that seems that helps that out I don't smell I don't smell passive aggressive shit up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right

I'm always wrong My fault. You're very sincere lady. It was you started off. We having a good time. It's the holidays We're having a good time, Joe. I'll have a fun now Yeah, I feel like it's a enjoyable time and now you're trying to get people on your side You're fucking negativity boat Are you a were you having fun, Joe? Yeah, he was Lenny. He was sorry Nobody's on your boat and he's too fucking new, okay, and he wants to take your seat badly Look at how happy he has been the whole fucking show just dying to get in here Should give him a shot. Should we give him one minute? I'll give him my seat one minute. Huh should we give him a shot?

Yeah, good. What do you think? I sure? He's Sure, poor Mike just he's actually been open for me open for Joe He's gonna ask him up. This guy his ride is taking it. You're a fucking asshole Uber driver. You're his Uber driver. Got his shot. If this isn't show business, I don't know what the fuck is. Mike has a friend here and whiter than he is. Makes sense.

What has a what? I know Mike does have, my friend just is going to be on your podcast. I know shit. Go ahead, what do you got? I don't know, I supposed to say something. Jesus, you're very hit. What is this? That's what I've been saying the whole fucking show Johnny cheekbones look at him here, but it's something weird my girl at LOL one time

I did yeah, what's girl? You were your head lol shit to me You're like this good looking guy and then you were like if this was 20 years ago I'd take your girl away from you 20 people in the crowd of the Sunday show. I did it on stage. Yeah, that's me joking around dumb dumb It's not me really fucking try to take your girl. That's that chubby bald comma with a dead toenail Telling you if I had a time machine if I had a fucking DeLorean and I can go back in time you fucking asshole It was a joke fucking idiot Fuck it take your wrist

It was a joke. Fuck it idiot. What a fucking take your risk. But you said it, like, my now I'm gonna have to fucking explain this to my wife. You fuck fuck. He's been holding on to a girl. I'm gonna give you one fucking shot. And the first thing out of you fucking dumb little gorgeous mouth was you tried to hit on my girl.

No, I didn't. I was joking around that you don't deserve probably your girl at the time. Is she still with you? Yeah. Well, do you live here? Yeah. Is she live here? Yeah.

Bring her down next time. Yeah. What you bring another podcast on the show? I think this guy's one for one. What does that mean? He got on. He's had one minute. And it's fantastic.

I helped a lot. Oh. Well, let me just let him just lie there. You tried to ruin your marriage. Yeah, I did the whole fucking honey moona's thing With the money and I pumped it up. I made it but you're right. Let's try it. Let's do it over Let's do it again. Say the same thing again. You say it. No, you shit on me because I like you were mad That was with her right and you were like I think you were like she's too good looking for you, right?

Right, so it's just fine now that you're like this guy handsome guy right because before you were like this guy doesn't deserve to be with this chick right yeah yeah yeah which I've heard right before yeah what do you say now Len right it was all you Bob all right thank you you're all right fucking you always do this to you get all Boston on me you fucking I didn't do shit I didn't say what I'm just you do What do you mean by that just like you just like really confrontational by no you're fucking with me What he's very comfortable with me, but in many fights You've been very nice to Chris today, right? Yeah, you haven't you haven't gotten in like broke his finger recently Thank you

Next time he's gonna fucking I'm not like you. All right, can I jump back into the podcast? First of all, all right you so low you without the girl you're a good looking guy You with certain people I can say that about fucking Mike, okay? He's a next to me this time instead of his girls, right? Yes, exactly. Mike, you're a good-looking guy in some countries. Mexico. I'm not Mexico. Mexico. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that now you live here now. I'm moving here soon. When are you moving? Joe, and she come away you not at first. Wow. That's me. Wow. How the fuck do guys do that? That's tough. That's impressive. I mean, it's it's the one of two things impressive a foolish Hey, and you that to take that chance is that's pretty epic. And she's okay with you doing that. Is he back? Do you live in San, you live here? I live in the flat. Okay, fine. Then you're safe. If he was back with you, life, driver her around,

then you fucked. I like that he's just a driver., he did he had to do she has a driver. Yeah, yeah, no, D. P. did Deep will call you a driver. No, he recognized me. He called you a driver. No, he's the one who called you a driver He said he got up here. He said you're his driver You're right. You're your your his right. That's a new comedy turn, Bobby, in Brooklyn. Notice it. I ride means like an all guy. Let's get like, get some good stuff. I'm gonna step back in.

I take it all back. Anyways, all right. Listen, we're gonna wrap this. What? We're wrapping up. Yeah, you say that every time I'm gonna wrap up, if we did seven hours, you go, what? I got nowhere to be. I got nothing to do.

Do the next show. It's at nine. Buddy, every time we wrap up, it takes another half. You know my wrap ups, take a half hour. Right, you're right. You know that it goes on. I, every time I have to have this talk with you, I say, I'm gonna wrap up, you're like,

what, I got, I'm having fun, things are starting. And then you say, what? And then I tell you this, and then it goes on forever. Lauren looks great. I can't see the monitors in the way, but every time I look over there, I just think, wow. She's very pretty. Yeah, I was out. How long scope have been dead for?

This is a week. Last month. Really? Yeah, last month. Well, that's too bad. Was it a big blowout? Did you mess up his hair? No, he actually decided to take off.

He was like, look, I'm going to move on. Wow. He said, I'm going to move on. He was like, look, I'm gonna move on. Wow. He said, I'm gonna move on. I got a lot of stuff going on personally. And, you know, I'm trying to really do my comic shit. And I was like, cool. That sounds good. Because, you know, it's kind of, you know,

I think it's time to move on to, I agreed with them 100%. Wow. But, you know, and Lauren just, you know, she took over, he helped her transition. And Deepu, we kind of changed the show up a little bit. That's why the beginning of the show is a little different. We're trying to do a little more segment-oriented stuff.

That's why I'm gonna move on right now because we have some segments that we're gonna get to that I would like to talk about. Does Deepu get to talk? Not much. All right. No, I don't know. I'm trying to let, here's a problem.

That chair is, you know, I want to, I want, you know, whoever sits there on the show to be part of the show, you know. Which chair? The one Deepo sitting in the show. Oh, I see. Yeah, that was an issue. No, well, what, I mean, you know,

Scopo, you know, I, look at it, we'd say something, he's got it pulled up in two seconds and he's part of the show. Memo and Scobo is here. He'd be looking at you and I go, dude, could you pull up the Diana Ross thing we're talking about? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he go on his phone. Let me try to pull it up on his phone and he wants to pass around the video on his phone when I spent fucking a thousand dollars on a computer and now we get Deepu who fucking bring shit up right away boom watch this guy in a Ross right now oh well we have the news saying I just want what Rogan has and I just have what Rogan

has just fucking really god damn it what yeah the news segment guy buddy let's do it go ahead all right hold one second but the time all right home one second but the the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the our first new story of the week. Stop. We need to stop. Who's saying that song? Listen, we need to stop. Yeah. Was that you, D. Poo?

Listen, I want you to look at me in the eyes, everybody. I want you to, if you like that song, I want you to blink once. If you hate that song, I want you to blink twice. Do you like that song? Excuse me, do you like that song? I don't understand the blinking thing, but no, I hate it. Do you like that song? Excuse me, do you like that song? I don't understand the blinking thing, but no I hate it.

We played it very low. I didn't give it the shot. Sure, give it a shot. We'll do it again. Hey guys, we got a new segment. You ready? Hold on, let me remove my headphones. Yeah.

All right, we ready? Yep. Stow away your anger and part time aggression while Lauren and Deepu compete for attention with the news. I got to tell you. I love it. I said the time I actually like it. It sounds Christmassy, which I like. The problem is, I think Deepu might actually think he's able to sing. Yes, exactly.

It depends on if Deepu is joking or be serious. I'm hoping, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm hoping he's joking. Because he's saying on the other bullshit. Well, here's a problem. I would suggest that we get a singer. We have a lot of people. Listen, I think of these things like three in the morning, I got no singers, I had no staff.

What you could do is get one of those voice changes. Yeah, you auto-tune, dude. Yeah, do you use a voice changer? I think it was great. Your mix is a little off, that's all. Do you do your best? I think it would work. Yeah.

I tell you the second time, can we do three times? Yeah, I'm into it. I'm still a little louder. Way louder. I like when he gets low at the end. That's my hair apart. You held a note there, Deepak. Yeah, come on. No, let's get, I'll get way louder. I like when he gets low at the end. That's my hair apart. You held a note there deep now. Come on Let's get okay carried away

I love it. I'm back in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I you track them all up? I did I cranked them up. Please crank them down Crank them down. Alright, so our first new story of the week the big story is pizza gate Yeah, right there. Do you guys know what pizza gate? I know we know what is it? Well, it sounds like a chapter in Omar's home improvement book Oh Bam, this is so much better than the video I watch. Pizza gate. So basically this is a fat joke and the news. Yeah. Pizza gate is a story about how a pizza ria, and I forget what's where it is, but this pizza ria was, you know, the rumours started spreading it.

Can I ask you a question? Sure. If it's going to be news, can you leave it? Yeah, can you know the room is starting to find the question if it's going to be news you can you leave a key you know where it is back up i mean just find the news on it and then report that so don't go uh... forget where it is the i believe it's not news i think i have a better day for the segment what's it called the snooze with the snow we spell it sn e w s

it's from it's a northwest washing table and they go okay northwest watch this is a spitzer a room started spreading that a pedophile ring that was a tape there's a ring you can wear to fucking ha like Captain Planet. So Chris is a Chris? Cody, you had a shot and you fucking did bomb. That makes me in the news.

He took a nice hot one. Got it. How am I going to get up next? Oh, news? Good, deeper. So this pizza rhea got accused of being a pedophile ring. Yeah, my gear up next Good good So this pizza rhea got accused of being a pedophile ring Yeah, it'll be not true and it was reported in the New York time kidding me. Yeah, so they accused it of the first of all Why would the pizza rhea be a pedophile ring? I mean what the people that work there?

Perfect what bang kids could have been like a rival pizza rhea, you know, jo ring. I mean, what the people that work there? Perfect. What banging kids? Could have been like a rival pizza, you know, Joe, I like that. That's a good idea. Yeah. Well, that's fucking awful idea. We can say there's a,

accused them of having a rat shit in the pizza, accused them of using lesser products. You know, accused them of kid fucking, that's an extreme joke. Dude, I heard, I heard Antonio's pizza, they're fucking kids in the, right? What? I mean, I won't accuse him of kid fucking. That's an extreme joke. Dude, I heard Antonio's pizza, they're fucking kids in the van. What? I mean, who am I to say?

I mean, they're making little kid ding dong. Don't fucking call zone use. Please name this episode King Kidding Dong To Do. Doke, he'll zone his. You won't write that down. I'll be what I say. You said, I'm kidding. Who's John the most?

Steve Bus. Steve Bus, what job? I'm like that. Don't worry about you John. Ready down. Kid Ding Dong Doe. Okay. Deep Blue's John.

Let me fucking fun Lenny's back. Good to have you. Jesus Christ. I'm listening to the name. Yeah, I know you fucking cock sucka. Throw my bandana away. I'm gonna fucking fun Lenny's back. Good to have you. Jesus Christ. I'm listening to the next one. Yeah, I know you fucking fuck sucka. Throw my bandana away. I'm farting. I'm talking to Gina too.

Wait till I fucking have a nice talk with Gina. She's probably listening. Yeah, she should be. She give you a nice talkin' if you grumpy throwin' them. You know how the show works. So the story about these, so. So what happened? They fucked kids a lot. So what happened?

I'm getting fired. Oh shit. Oh, boy. Did you like the AOL guy? No, listen, no, because I don't remember that. That was Facebook guy. That was AOL. He was Facebook.

We had a Facebook guy in here. And we just, he didn did, I mean, look, you know, we talk about everything on this podcast and this motherfucker, we were talking, I'm like, so what do you think about, he's like, he's literally going, I can't talk. And we're like, nah, you're Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, dude, he was like, he goes, his face turn,

I remember his face turn red and he's ready. And he went, I have to go and he's just left Yeah, well the end world had been said about 11 times from hope for from Gomez Yeah, he was like a Facebook yeah, and then my my Facebook got shut down for fucking six months Mm-hmm, really yeah, you know Facebook is just a pedophile ring حسنا، لقد أميسي بمتحفظة حسنا، لقد أميسي بمتحفظة لقد أميسي بمتحفظة أميسي بمتحفظة

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I know you're about to really lay into me like I shouldn't I'm not laying into you. I'm asking about this. This is real. Yeah, this is true. This is I'm rocking TV Yeah Rock and national television Rock and TV they say. Rock and national television. National television, they're teaching you how to cover up. Bruce is on your face from being here. Have you ever on or something?

Are you sure though, this is about a man, like a spousal abuse? I saw this story today. Can you send this to my wife, the DW ad? Yeah, I don't know. I can't even imagine that. I mean, there was a time in this country where you could give your wife a nice whack.

Nice knuckle sandwich. We're gonna go back to that in January. You still can do it as long as you're a good running back. Hello, folks. There we go. The truth is back. Yeah. This classic. I, yeah.

We, uh, uh, I mean, there was a time, those here, see, back in the day, you just, you know, a, you, wife would get a little lippy and just smacker on the face. That's like sound advice from men, from man to man. But that had to be a, that's where I claim they came up with the wife, beater. Where? Like the shirt. Yeah, that women probably had to get beaten a lot by guys in that shirt. Oh, maybe they got beat up, well, they got beat up so much that guys would get hot and then would come up with a shirt that was a little cooler to hit your wife in. Did you ever see the D. Jones? Well, that's

the way I had a bit like that. Like, like, I'm going to beat the shit out of it. Hold on. Let me take off my shirt. I get I don't want to sweat want sweat through the show put my wife beat around. Yeah, I never get it to work Never get it to work. He rewards the Deacon Jones NFL films. I never did no. Oh, it's great. Deep cool. Give me some YouTube What is this about Deacon Jones head slap? What what it's really funny is it funny? A six second video I think even Jones oh my god Deacon D.E.A. yeah you go Jones Jones yeah that's it yeah give it hit it yeah yeah make it big hey what's the reality of the D.Q. Jones and Slap the head slap was due to purposes one was to give myself an initial head start on the fast

Well in other words, he extra step because in any time you go upside a man's head or one They may have a tendency to break the eye. Holy shit That was on they played that NFL films for like 25 years before someone was like hey, can we probably take this off? By the way Hall of Famer. What's great is though, he's saying it to be inclusive. Yeah, he's saying, hey, time you hit a man, or a woman, I mean, I'm not. He gets it.

Because a woman's live. Women's live. He believes that woman should play personal football. Yeah, I think that's what he's saying. Sometimes she's in the way, in the den. She's got to get out of the way, and you got to get her out of the way.

So I had to. In advance, slightly. Yeah. I told you, I I hit I hit dawn once whoa With chicken I used to have a joke I got it brass door thighs. It was a breast a raw breast I was I was barbecue what part of the chicken raw the breast get what's a joke? Oh? The breast and I said what part of the chicken implying you hit the breast?

So I was, we were fighting about something stupid. And I had the raw chicken in my hand. And I just wanted to throw it out the window, because I was near the balcony. And I wanted to fuck, I just wanted to go fuck chicken. We're not having fucking chicken. And it slipped and flew out of my hand and slapped her in the fucking face.

Just fucking, like, I remember. And then it slid down her cheek. It's like a meat shereken. She was so mad. Don't be the shit out of you. I remember she balled her fists up. She balled her fist up, she went, you fucking mother fuck. She came at me.

And I had to put all my weight on her and I was like, baby, I did not mean to hit you with a chicken. And I was on top of her. And I'm- You started throwing bread crumbs at her. She was pissed. She kept calling me kid. I remember that she goes, kid, get off me kid. Kid, get the fuck off me kid I go honey stop calling me kid I go I'm so sorry yeah I buy accident you ever hit your wife come on It's you think your wife would beat the shit out of you honestly yeah What about you would you gene a beat the shit out of you she's bigger than me to be honest with you Take my fiance apart

Would be bananas And it'd be like that Lou Jones my wife's five two she's got low, so she just take me out by the legs and then she's So your wife is five to five two She would take me out by the lock it right now What about you would you your girl you still with the girl right she know you wife though, right? Now would you could you take her out or should you could you take her? Really give them Michael can you Second Michael could you stop standing like a newscaster?

Waiting for your segment wait a second. I just want to say right now. You this is your big chance number two Don't fuck me. Oh for one. You don't get no chances No, I have you ever have she hit you. Yeah, why'd she hit you? Because I tried to get her to sing karaoke. Oh my god. Yeah, and she's like real Spanish Yeah, is she Spanish? She's not Mexican because I don't say if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know if you know you if you know if you know if you know if you know you if you know if you know you if you know if you know if you know you if you know if you know you if you know you if you know if you know if you know if you know you if you know you if you know if you know you if you know if you know if you know you if you know you if you know if you know if you know you if you if you know if you know you if you know you if you know you if you if you know if you if you know you if you know you if you know if you know you if you know you if you know you if you know you if spar with her when she was hit to like try to like, hey, if a white guy with high cheap homes in nice teeth tries to fucking get this wasn't a clear. This wasn't that. I was just trying to get her to say karaoke and she flipped her shit.

Really? On the car ride back, we were in Austin. Yeah. And she we were on Riverside. She just hits me in the face. It gets out of the car. And then I couldn't find a signature belt out. Yeah. She just hits me in the face. It gets out of the car and then I I couldn't find a Sitchinger bailed out. Yeah, wow. So you get you quit

Quit what you you bailed out of it you bailed out of the fight you ran away from no she got out of the car Oh, just walked off on a shop and I came back because I was in traffic and I turned around and I couldn't find her And she took a cab from Austin to San Antonio. So did you what did it hurt? I was drunk so not not really that much. Wait a minute, wait a minute. I mean, I was a drunk, but I was. I hate, because you got to try to get it to sing karaoke. Yeah.

How did you get it? You holding your neck forcing the mic? No, yeah, yeah. We were on six street, we were doing karaoke, or there was karaoke going on. I was like, I put your name in, and she's like, what? And I, she was like, no, no, no. And I was like, I kept giving her a hard time about it. And she's like, no. And got all pissed. And then in the car ride, she was like I put your name in she's like what and I she was like no no no and I was like I kept giving her a hard time about it and she's like no and got all pissed and then in the car ride

She was like like lost to me. I'm fine. I was like there was other stuff Carry okay I'm not a Puerto Rican there was some deeper or deep who deep presents Deep who has a lot of resentments a lot hey oh we should do that you'll be about me every week hey I got no resets resentment for assessment you're saving you have so many you're fucking nervous every time what about you Michael you ever hit your wife I've never hit my wife you have a Jov- I've never hit my wife. Do you have a Wano? Yeah. What?

Oh, shit. It's Christ. I set you up. What a monster. You have a pedophile pizza ring too? Eight years. She's had some horrible shit. Really?

We're fighting. Really? I can't even hit you. Yeah. She hit you. Before we got married, she punched me one time. Why? I was drunk and...

She took the last chicken finger. I wasn't fat. Sorry. I didn't even hit her. Me and Michael, the last chicken finger. I was sorry James Michael the only ones that laughed at that Okay, that was a terrible joke. I'm sorry Why she hate you? I was drunk at a denys and I was posted I didn't give the cat medicine and that's the main reason that's something a metaphor So you better get the cat medicine if you know what I mean

You're gonna keep that cat is met. Let me need her out in a while. Yeah. Whatever you never, I don't ever need things. I've never felt close even a little bit to be like, I'm gonna hit her. I've been like, ah, that's annoying. I've never wanna hit my wife. I've wanted a fucking hit a wall.

I've wanted a punch of fridge or throw a bike or throw a box of deep in. Yeah. What was that for? We shot a promo for the special. And what happened? The special didn't do well. Deep in the blue.

My special did actually great. Joe, can you let it breathe for one second for your television hug? I want to give a plug. Because we're plugging this special on my wrist. I do it on an apple. Give me one one thousandth of a second. I want to give a plug. We're plugging this special on my wrist. I do it on an apple. Give me one thousandth of a second. I have.

I'm with the good Jojo. But actually it did pretty well. You stepped on mine. Mine was gonna be a plug for my special. I was gonna plug it which would be hilarious. You're gonna hair plug for your next special. Oh, right. That was fun.

If you hear the o's, it's not me. Okay, I don't make them say oh Never again, thank you. Lose your Lenny's on you know where that goes fucking out the window, okay enjoy your Tuesdays Go ahead. Yeah, you're special. Yeah, oh you speaking of enjoying Tuesday check out my podcast Tuesdays See you just did what I was gonna fucking do and everybody laughed. I Was it too much special? Fuck you you fucking what you name again Tracy? Chris all the time but you never know his name. I know his name. That was the joke. Yeah, Omar

And that was a joke over there too. Yeah, it's kind of a thing I do. Thanks to be the fan of the show Wow, there you go. Just because you're on Sesame Street talking to fucking cookie monster. Nobody's heard it in a while. I haven't been on. Last week was the most successful episode ever. Who was on Ben Bailey, Mike V. Yana's Popus, Deepu and Lauren. Looks good. Those are good people. Yeah. I'm not. Oh, I didn't know I didn't know what that was. You could put your leg up. So we're gonna turn it up. Shut up. All right, what else you got on the news, Deepz?

We have Mike Lawrence moving to LA. This is the most up-to-date reference. Why? Okay. Why? That's the same. Why? I love Michael Lawrence. Why would that make you so happy?

Why do...why do fucking young comedians have such a problem with Mike? He was sort of addicted to me once, but it's part of the hazing process. I get that too, but you know Why is he moving LA? That's it because he's just gonna be film famous now. I guess so you know, he's getting ready gig What was your ready for I don't know? I tell you what he's a smart guy and I like Mike so congratulations on L.A. I hope you do well I hope you don't go out there and fucking die like the rest of them. What else you got? People died? Do they die when they go out there? No, you just did run on my show. Hey. Hey.

That was last one I had. Alright, well listen, here's the deal. Wait, Lauren doesn't do any news. She has some stories too, but... Yeah, we're gonna get to it. Can I fucking run my show? Is that it? She has a song too. Don don't point it Lauren, please. What up? You have a girlfriend. It's a tiny mouth thing. What are you talking about? She wipes you in a mariner. Yeah, we're getting married. Okay. I'm coming. I thought I had an idea that you'd be the guy that does the thing. What thing? Can you do the thing? You're a legit. You're officiate. Oh, you get married. Marry you? Yeah, you're married.

I thought I was gonna marry anybody. You got fucking the Tom Papa. I married Omar. Well, you do mine. Yeah. What do you have to do to do something? I just go online already get the people already did it. Yeah, I'm sorry I asked Bob to make a speech in my wedding. He went. Let me think about it. No, I said I don't think I should be in a you know who made the speech her Father and it was fucking beautiful. I bet if I had made the speech here's a thing No, there was gonna be three speeches you were the third. Yeah, I would have been it would be anticlimactic and it was fucking beautiful. I bet if I had made the speech here's a thing No, there was gonna be three speeches you were the third. Yeah, it would have been it would be anti-climactic and it was perfect He made an amazing. What an anti-semitic, too. Do you know about Bobby? I

I think it was perfect what if I made a speech it would have been you know half your per family would be like who's this guy? I think Tom pop it. If I had made a speech, it would have been, half your per family would have been like, who's this guy? I think Tom Popper did an excellent job on a wedding. And I think that the father made such a beautiful speech. It was great. What do you got, Laura? So you're out for my... I'm doing it.

You know what, you give me Agita. You're Agita, you give me fucking ass reflux. You're just asking me to do it, You're gonna do it. I said yeah All right, how many fight you give me I didn't hear it either did you guys why are you fucking start a podcast two cunts? I heard him a podcast two days with storage spilled every Tuesday for free. What are you Lewis? Go J Gomez? No, I have I said I have one podcast You say successful All right, guys, what do you got? I said I have one podcast. I have one podcast. I have one podcast. Did you say success?

I said I have one podcast. I said I have one podcast. Did you say success? I got one. I got one. What do you got? I got one. I got one.

I got one. I got one. I got one. I got one. I got one. I got one. I got one. I got one.

I got one. I got one. I got one. I got one. I got one. I got one. I got one. I got one. new stories we have for the next episode we have tonight. Okay, so you know, Lauren gets nothing? No, Lauren. But I wanted to be able to look at her without it being weird. Go ahead. Yeah, just go just look over there. Everybody look at Lauren.

We all get 20 seconds. Look at it Lauren. One seconds. That's a little high. It's a little tolerable. Don't do that. Just let us look. I think it would be way better.

Honey, you don't have to do anything to make us. That works. I love that. Adam's apple. Oh yeah, do that Women do have Adam's apple. Freak. Really? It's a common myth that women don't have Adam's apple. Hey guys. I'm gonna wrap this up. What? Yeah, shut up dude I'm done with you. I'm already done. Go get a snack Turtle I Really I don't know if I'm gonna have to come look back on this one. I don't know if I like this podcast

I think it's been a terrific pot. It's been okay. It's a fun terrific I'm kidding. It was a great time. I always love you So we're insecure dude. We're all of us are insecure. I'm sensitive. I'm insecure We're all of us are insecure. I'm sensitive. I'm insecure. Oh, great. What do you got? What do I got?

Hey, do we have anything to chat room? Oh, yeah. Talk to chat room. Talk to me about the chat room real quick. A lot of people wanted to know if, if Lenny, this is being on MLC. No comment. Okay.

I don't know what that, who you are right now. I really don't. You come on the show You're the guy you know you could be the host you come on hey, I want to step on you're literally Yeah, I don't want to step on anybody's thing. I hate Shoulders of fucking let me say something about podcasts, okay? It's when you have this many people it's really hard to make it good if you have a hard time people no I'm saying I'm asking questions.

Hang on. Have you had a hard time? Oh my God. I've been out of time. It is tough to get in, but I understand what he's coming from, but I've had a good time. You want to be back on the show? I would.

This is a wonderful experience. Thank you. What about you, Oman? Wonderful experience. Hey, what about you, Chevy Chase? Shh. You had a good time? Mike, do you have a good time?

Yes. Did you find it difficult? No, Mike has said nothing. Can I get away from him from here? I've implied that I abused my wife by accident That'll be here forever. She's gonna murder you MLC what it why don't you do a one-on-one? Let's do one-on-one to have a smoke. Are you gonna throw are you gonna be a twat? Do we toss the bandana back and forth on the one on once? He started to answer the MLC question. Can I answer the question? Yeah, go ahead, go ahead. I don't miss it. Why? Because it just wasn't right. That's all. What was right? Happy for Kevin, to be honest with you. Like hopefully his show is doing well for

the network, because you know how much I love you and the network. But we might be coming on another show with you. We'll see. We're trying to work on something We'll show Lenny Marcus might can I tell you can I say something to you? Oh, no, huh? Is it gonna hold can I say something to you? Yeah? You're beautiful eyes I never know that you took a glasses off Real fucking was that real listen Lenny. Yes Right is it me? it me it's it's like a switch right I mean it's a switch anyways what what else you got in the chat room a little chipper says tell Lenny he looks like the guy go get go nice

one yeah he's hilarious good good one Can you step it up chat room? Please go out with us. They're all slow today because we're doing that we're streaming to a new channel and people haven't adjusted to that yet So also, you know subscribe to the riot cast network YouTube page all live streams go there So what amateur old page? We just don't live stream to there because we're trying to bring all live streams to one location So do people still get this link so they know where to go? Yeah, I put all the links over there so they come here for this. All right, well, this has been a great show.

What do you got, buddy? What's going on with you? I have a podcast. Oh, really? Oh, I know, I know. I'll come and go to the podcast. I know. It's called Morning Coffee, and it's about,

You guys doing the morning? No, it's MoUR. Oh, okay. And it's about dealing with grief while stuff. Oh, buddy. That sounds actually, I'm so sorry. Oh, no. It's okay.

That sounds great. And I just have people on to talk about how they deal with this stuff in their everyday life. I don't know if this is the right music, people. Yes, not for this. No, I give you some for him. And you're a rammed of play. I don't.

You put that in your mind. Can you? Yeah, but who the work that would change anything? Whatever he's doing is great. Jesus Christ. I give you some for an arameter play. I don't Lauren Anything You're literally playing like background music from the regal beagle. Yeah, I'm three companies I love it or music and he's talking about death Yeah, it's a death podcast. Hey, Chrissy But it was funny and deep who message me. He's like well, I know you have that podcast where you talk about sad stories

I don't know if that's gonna be a big fit. No, I definitely I checked that out. What was the last episode about? Let's see was the last episode. I mean how many people who have to die for your show to go on? What you talk about people you know or no, I know people call in I have guests I have one-on- one interview with people who have people who died here or but like loss of like all kinds you know like uh... like addiction and uh... death and society i tell you what it was very interesting uh...

subject yeah i get a lot about you tell us a sad story like a quick one that i think i think i can't get the rest to the last episode so sad right last episode is uh is this comic Maria Heinig and her brother Maria Maria can you bring her up on see do I know her and bring up Maria Heinig on see her brother passed away but the story of he he got a tumor and um he got in a car accident when it's like he had a seizure because of the tumor yeah this great

and he uh he he crashed his car and he actually killed a woman in the process of crashing his car And then they diagnosed him with a tumor. So the girl had a tumor. He had a tumor He had an old woman at a gas station when he crashed into it and then he went to the hospital and they told him he had cancer Oh my god. What a sad story. So yeah, if you're feeling down, you know, just listen to this Take a listen to the podcast What about you have a rate of Edo on have not what why what's that? So yeah, if you're feeling down you know just listen to Listen to the podcast What about you have a rate of eater one have not what why what's that? A good story. He's got he's got some tragedy. Yeah, I'm on

Wow, all right, man Well, what else you got is that it what you're Twitter and all that so my Twitter is real Chris cowl All right, and I'm not done with this. I did you do you have a lot of I'm sorry. we missed the show show I guess you can you take it Throw the band in the basket. Oh my god. Can I ask you? Fucking do whatever show you want we have an okay we do okay right now Yeah, not not I would ask him that because most people I'm gonna tell you that's not Mo you don't ask a guy that because if he doesn't have a lot now he's will help you I'm thinking maybe there is a niche market that people would want

to let's do I find it interesting yeah people uh people really respond to it I mean if you house this if you you should go listen to that park yeah go listen to that park everybody listen to the show should go check that I'll give it a shot yeah I think it sounds very interesting I'm gonna check it out check it out yeah I will I appreciate that same with like I will also much is stopped basically. Oh, hopefully not your heart, but I wish it did I really wish I'd love to grab my chest right now. Just see Lenny go. I'm sorry. I love you, Bobby I shouldn't have thrown them in been a cunt all day

I love you, Barbie. I shouldn't have thrown them in a can't all day. Will be a Paul Tars. Yeah, I would. I guarantee you wouldn't. I guarantee you wouldn't. What? He'd be like, you know, like, you should say something. I apologize to you more than any person. Apologize to him. It's so angry right now.

You just angry. I have to talk to Gina. We're not to talk to Gina and deal with it through her. Because apparently you're undelabable. What I do is if one of us died of comedian and then someone just went through all of the podcast and edited like War stoves things Like right after you die. I just get an email and like check this out. It's maybe I'm like you fat Let me a funny goof

And he sounds like my Twitter feed they would go through by and I say all the nice things about him Yeah, but not in front of me on my show Why don't you try doing it to me on the show? Apparently it's enough if you just be a nice person And a good move now you know you come on the show you throw the bait Now you tell me there's too many people you don't do good. No, no, of course. That's what you hear That's exactly what he say Omar Omar tell the truth what exactly did I say? I'm done snitching no snitching I

Are clock that check that on it stop listening Oh, what do you got what oh what do I have I have a podcast called two business stories and an album called are you mad at me available? I album called are you mad at me available? Yes I am. I'm fucking mad at you. That's the name of the album. No I'm mad at you. You're mean dude.

Come on dude. You're a bully. You'll call me bully. I'm gonna show you what a bully is. You're gonna take your wallet. I'm gonna hit your girl. I don't care. I'm gonna get it.

You're gonna go and check it. Um. What? Don't hit her. I'm really. Really? What the fuck's wrong with you? I have an album. It's called are you mad at me? Why don't you guys come over for some chicken this week? I would love to throw it over face

That was the oh I didn't know that it's hard to tell when you're making a joke because it's kind of very mediocre That was I didn't thought that was funny Anyways Chevy chase liked it. it's Cody Hess I know Come on speed it up Cody. Yes, it's a different person. You don't I have no idea Yeah, I have the album and the podcast and I'll be on the road a bunch. I don't know. I got a website Right don't know two stories are you mad at all? I cool. I think thank you for having me. What do you guys you got now? I don't have an album vegan cupcakes. There's name of the that is the last one Why do you go by that you could buy that?

Put my website lettymarkers.com What ever said I love I'm gonna be another show you can listen to me favorite. Can you do me favorite? You know that list you have yeah, can you get a pen and just scratch Marcus off the fuck it is and then go on my phone delete it out of my phone What do you got all my you by the way you pocket dial me seven times One of most pissing yeah, I didn't intentionally go fuck yourself. What do you got angry? I just started a new web series called man up and I asked regular dudes Wings the last time they cried I'm gonna try ready soon as you guys leave

I'm gonna cry on this fucking episode Man up series on Instagram only huh? It's like an Instagram only series. Okay, man up series. That's great Yeah, it's just grown man was last day cry and they told me. So you and he's my first episode. Well, of course he is. He's has a show about people dying. You're talking about crying. I literally went with there's nothing else to talk about. We feel feelings were man. I know. It's okay. I know. I know. I've cried. I want to get you on. It's cool with you. Yeah, you never called you after this huh? No, I have to another show after this it takes a minute

I'm a doing a minute part. I'm not telling it. I'm not revealing my fucking minute. I'm not revealing a fucking My up he wants regular people Bob think can you send me one? What do you mean like do it yourself and send it to me? No, no, I want to do with you, is it a show? It's just you. It's like a confessionals show. What was the last time you cried and why? All right, we'll talk about it. I have to show.

Hey, pull the ride. The ride. What do you got, buddy? I just want to plug that my name is Cody O'Dell. Right. Uber. That's it? Coglio, that.

I'm not an Uber driver. And you have a hot girl and I do. I actually have a podcast, but it's on hiatus because of my Macbook crashed. So yeah, I'm not going to plug it right now. This is the worst plug ever. I'm just a drag story. Listen, yeah, come on. Let's talk about your Macbook.

Yeah, what are your phones in your Macbook? Probably a podcast about people whose's died in childbirth, but Joe be get off you phone for five seconds, please My I'm giving a let it breathe over here. I don't want to be talking to you. I need your help That's the sweetest moment of whatever And I couldn't agree more I want to be talking to you. I need your help. That's the sweetest moment of whatever. And I couldn't agree more. Uh, deep, what do you got in the city this week?

What? Sorry, Joe. I didn't want the skippy. Sorry. Oh, damn. Well, that time this comes out, uh, I'll be out. This isn't coming out. I'm literally burning this. There's no one's ever going to hear this.

Okay. Wait for what do you got? Tell him, like, nobody's going to hear it. Just lie. Just lie. Give yourself dank cook credits. No, sure. What do you got? You'll nobody's gonna hear it just live Give yourself dank cook credits. Oh, sure What do you get for me Bobby then for giving me what do you have besides premature diabetes? What's No, I think I'm gonna write on time Yeah, you're back in see that yeah the shot and he's in yeah next week you're on the show

All right in next week you're on the show. From the couch to the uncomfortable seat. Deepo, what do you got? You can follow me at R2Depo, check out my podcast and my Twitter bio link, but also follow this podcast on all the social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube. Yeah, people, when are you releasing more of those videos? If you just talk about it, please make more of them.

I started making videos about it. No, we don't care. We want those. You got to fucking make those We got to make those those were like eight hours of work a week. It was just fine Can you do it a little simpler? Yeah Can we do one together? Oh, I would I was eating I was actually Making an album of those little jingles. Yes Jingle. Well, we just came up with those. Can we just hear that? Can we hear? Can we hear

it again? One of the news one? Can we hear the jingle again? Please. We have another one. Hey, let's end on that. Yeah. What do you got, Lauren? Just at Lauren Cubera. And if you want to come in and be a guest and sit on the couch on the show. Just walk in. Just walk in. Just wait for the door to open and come on the fuck up. Be handsome and walk in just walk in just walk in just wait for the daughter opening come on the fuck up be handsome and walk in email me at ykwd producer at ryecast.com or if you want to send anything like any artwork or anything for our shelves back here mail it to 117 McDougal Street tension rubber Kelly 100 Why is there a yellow light?

That was broken why Over there that's yellow I forgot to switch it over We're talking about life. Hi. What what what do I got? Hate to show There's not even no last the last week was a last. This is the fucking dead and buried. I release this later. I'm gonna happen to be here.

I love it. Dude, don't fucking insult the show why we're doing it, dude. This is me one time during a show. Oh god, the show stinks. This is Bobby an hour later. Dude, you fucking say the show stinks on the air fuck a blah blah blah blah blah and then today and then he reveals what I say to him off the

air the whole like it's like it's public like it's public I say now I know never to fucking say anything to him after the show ever this fucking rat what a fucking rat what a fucking every rat you are I'm from what a fucking Whitman had and I thought The stuff I do I'm seeing a for two of them. That's why I'm gonna fucking Mike you can step in What do you live Mike for my comedian? What do you live I live in Santonia right now, okay, but I'll be here soon long distance friends where am I? Tony right now, okay, but I'll be here soon long distance, man. Where am I? Tiff has got that Wow

My dog in a while Wow Let's show Stigs I agree I think the show fucking blows I'm never book you or you again Ever I'm never booking you to you again. Good one. Ever. I'm never booking you to and especially him. He's done. He's done. He's on the verge of fucking friendship, I think. Oh, real here.

All right. So on December 1 through the 3rd, you'll be at Macubby's in Timonium, Maryland. That's this week. I was supposed to be the week after. Ooh. You should have music under this, you poo. Yeah.

That's this week. Um, there's a Friday sat in with Stavros True Story tour. week after. Woo. You should have music under the T-Poo. Yeah. That's this week. There's a Friday sat in with Stavros True Story Tour. It's one of my favorite clubs. The name is the worst name ever. The guy owns it to fucking lunatic, but he's a great guy, Andrew. And then on the 16th, you have, you're going to be an uncle van, oh, well, so, Uncle Vanishes.

Uncle Vanishes and Point Pleasant, New Jersey. Yeah. Uncle Vinus is Uncle Vanus is and point pleasant New Jersey. Yeah, Uncle Vinnie's. That's always a fucking crazy club. It's in the China restaurant, no liquor laces. So people just walk you with like barrels of beer. Like B-Y-O-B? Yeah, but it's always a great show. So there you go.

I'm in one that I was yelling at a guy because he was looking like straight across, not at me. And he had sunglasses on and go, fuck, what are you doing? Look at me, he goes, I'm blind. I was like, oops. I go, well, fucking somebody turn his head this way. So I had the guy, his friend turned him towards me. He doesn't have a ring. What else you got? And then on the 29th through the 31st, you'll be in, at Goodnights in Riley, North Carolina. Yeah, Charlie good nights my first time there. So go to Robert Raleigh. That's all right. He's tired. He's been up since 5.30 in the morning.

See I stick up for you. Thanks man. You're good boss. And are you on your phone Joe? Yeah. No, I'm trying to find my dates. Where did you did your plugs? Oh, all right? I fucking hate it. I love you. Oh, I love you too. That was to a podcast called cheating. Okay. What? I you want your phone? I'm listening to what have I saying? Now this is not the most insecure room ever. I'm listening. You know what I'm saying. Now this is not the most insecure room ever. Listen to this. Listen to this.

You know what I've been doing listening, because I do this. You do this. That's how he listens to it. All right, so you're playing off the jingle? What have we done? Yeah. All right, cool.

Thanks, listen, you know what, dude. You can come up for me and remember. And part time of crashing. Just wait one what's that? This is terrible. Start it over. This is literally my most favorite podgaddle. I'm not even joking.

Premium members. It's so great. Let's keep going. Premium members. No. Premium members. I think it was hot for four more hours. I think we go. Let's get it.

Let's get it over. Over and over again. So hot. Premium members. I love it. I said we do like a Springsteen program. We go Premium I said we do like a spring steam Can you put some riffs some new ones? Get into it you know what I mean one of those He's gone too I'm a lady. Yeah, let's get it. It's He's gone too. I want his name That will do fine. You'll like it go

You got done and you took it and you're done You're done. You're done. You had you shot your blu it You're done not really because I think you're really funny Mike you're in you what's your name again? Oh, you feel I know his name. I feel too bad for me now. I love you. I love you Don't say that to Suarez. He'll fucking move here Remember you said I'm on the show. I then get to fucking pay his rent. Did I do that to Lewis? Oh, yeah, that's right. He was moving L.A. I forgot about that God, I wish I just let him go. That's hilarious. He would just be another Mexican in L.A. right now. I forgot about that. That was a real thing

All right, so he's put a recon by the way. I know go to that would be the funny part I know you know that's why my thing was also I was yes-handing you We are This is why I look down. That's too awkward. That's not like a Shakespearean. This is why I look down. Hit it. and people compete for attention with the news. Thanks, listen to YKWD. Редактор субтитров А.Семкин Корректор А.Егорова