Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Killer of Creativity | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #21

Starting point is 00:00:00 What's up everybody? We're back. It's the regs. Three weeks. Three weeks. But we we had vacation we took a little time Yeah, we we my ass That was turning the page do Joe list dance soda Luis J Gomez I'm Bobby the Bella truth the dude Kelly and I took a couple weeks off I did yeah dude what happened to our fucking thing oh I forgot damn it I

Starting point is 00:00:50 you're too busy up in the fucking woods with the family so relaxed your brain doesn't work yeah I fucking moved in all the shit I wish you would move your hands around that sign and bring it in I didn't really work with you. I was like, I mean, we're there, you know, we're getting it back. I just warm up, we don't pull a hand. I saw that coming from a mile away. His hands move first.

Starting point is 00:01:11 I have new, brand new reg sign. Very excited for it. Same guy that did that sign. Same exact, I haven't even opened it yet. I didn't even open it yet. Super cool. Didn't even open it yet. It's really nice.

Starting point is 00:01:20 I'll bring it in next week. I forgot it, it's in a bunch of boxes. We'll do an unboxing. I'm living in the corner of a basement surrounded by boxes, because we're redoing the box doing unboxing I'm living in the corner of a basement surrounded by boxes because we redoing the hole upstairs I'm living like a college student how long is it driving me surrounded by box hell yeah bro no by the way a fucking pre menopause box that fucking whistles in the middle of the night every whistles she snores out of her pussy's so dry. I wish you made that sound.

Starting point is 00:01:48 Because if I put my tip by it, it gets me fucking. Yeah, I did. Why? How long is the construction going on? It's two more weeks. Oh, that's a lot. Yeah. It's almost done to where we can start moving stuff up, but it's two weeks.

Starting point is 00:02:00 Imagine three weeks. It's nuts. What? That's way longer. That's longer. You think that's way longer that's longer you think that's all on the pit the fans waiting for the right I was actually thinking back to when I moved the last time when you guys helped me move I didn't help you did oh it's crazy it's crazy how far we've come because there's

Starting point is 00:02:19 no way I would fucking help anybody move, you mean straight to voicemail soda? That's where Bobby would go. I'm straight to voicemail when I need help. I call you back. These assholes would be moving you. I can't, they have no muscle. What are they gonna move, cows? Yeah, they can't move it with their retarded minds. Well, we have Paco now.

Starting point is 00:02:36 By the way, Natalie's no longer on the show. Paco is dead for her dudes. She left because Joe made her feel sexually uncomfortable. It was actually, we didn't wanna talk about it on the show. We probably edited this out, but Joe did actually do some really inappropriate stuff. He sent her a lot of pictures. Yeah. It was actually, we didn't want to talk about it on the show, we probably edited this out, but Joe did actually do some really inappropriate, sent her a lot of pictures. Yeah, it was weird, dude.

Starting point is 00:02:49 What? Yeah, you lost a fucking great producer. I thought she was into it. Now we gotta get a stupid. She didn't feel comfortable saying no, because you're in a position of power. Yeah, oh, geez. You've been hanging out with Louie for way too long.

Starting point is 00:02:59 God. Louie goes, that's how you get to the top. We miss now, we have all dudes. It is, by the way. We have all autistic dudes. We have all dudes. We have all artistic dudes. We have all dudes. And no Paco. Paco's not autistic. He's fucking Filipino.

Starting point is 00:03:09 His name was Will. It says Will on here. Well, don't give his real name. What's wrong with you, dude? He's got a stage name. He's a podcast producer, obviously. He's a gas digital podcast producer. He obviously has intro music and a stage name.

Starting point is 00:03:17 Yeah. That's his government. Paco. Yeah, Paco's the new producer. I love Paco. Paco's great. Paco's a man. I love Filipinos. I love Filipinos. I love Filipinos. I love Filipinos. I love Filipinos. Intro music and a stage name. Yeah, he's that's his government Paco

Starting point is 00:03:25 Yeah, Paco's the new producer. I love Paco Paco's great, but I love Filipinos. So adding one to the mix I do too. They can you know, I did it's got a fat butt always sing their asses off. I think why it's unbelievable Why did I show you that video of the guy's her name? Why why? It's like wide Rodriguez. It's always Spanish. They were settled by this the Spanish Do the video the guy do a Nickelback? Yeah. He's like a drunk Filipino guy. It's nuts.

Starting point is 00:03:49 Say what you will. Or it's Creed. He does Creed sacrifice. It's dead on. Paco, can you sing? But his face is not. They love karaoke. Paco, let me hear you sing something right now.

Starting point is 00:03:59 Paco, sing something. The song will come out tomorrow. Give us something sweet. Maybe do it in Tagalog. Ah, someone come out tomorrow. It us something sweet. Maybe do it in Tagalog And sing us a sweet song That's almost a perfect Filipino Put your bottom dollar It's pretty fucking good Even with the invisible I really want to hear perfect Pago sing journey He's not

Starting point is 00:04:32 Bowie Damn dude, are we putting together a Filipino for K-pop group dude, but just fucking get that Filipino K-pop group dude but just fucking get that Chinese Japanese dirty knees look at these remember that Chinese my life Japanese hey great You're supposed to yes and me if B.S.H. is in the laps. Yeah. Bobby, we can't say the C word. Jesus, Bobby. We're not getting into a busing stand. It's too far, Bobby. Bleep the C word for God's sake. Bleep them all.

Starting point is 00:05:14 We Bleep it everything. We Bleep it. The uncensored version, as soon as we figure out a couple things, is going to go to gas digital. You better Bleep it. Don't stop Bleeping. Hold on to the fee right now don't stop believing nobody left at that I thought it was good hey I just joined in I just

Starting point is 00:05:31 found out and maybe this is not what are you doing hand shit it's a new thing what are you hanging out with monetize on YouTube I know we're fucking talked about it and none of us can get together we got I nominate Dan. I'm not paying the taxes for you. Well we all have to pay the taxes. You're not paying the taxes for us. I will. No you won't. No I know myself too.

Starting point is 00:05:52 That's the problem is I know I won't keep good enough track so I'm going to get fucked somehow. That's why I'm not doing it. I was going to do it and then I'm like I'm going to get fucked. All you have to do is at the end you just say hey you owe this, you owe this, you owe this and we give it to you. Then you do it. Perfect. That's it. So Bobby can do it do or what I'll do is I'll just take it out of the money. That's it And then I'll do it if I could have a fifth share so we cut it into five shares and I take two shares

Starting point is 00:06:13 You're already taking two shares. Yeah, you're taking two chairs fatty Like the excitement of it though It's like a fresh crack in the back. I don't like it. Get on base. Yeah. Guys, Skank Fest is so close. Every time there's a good one.

Starting point is 00:06:31 Whoa! That was actually crazy. Off my forehead, you fucking. Yeah, that hit under my eye. Everything goes off your forehead. You know what? That was terrifying. You're not wrong.

Starting point is 00:06:40 That's not his fault. You know what? That's true. That hit me in the eye. That's good news. It didn't hit you in the eye. It went underneath the eye. It did not. Yeah, right underneath That's true. That hit me in the eye. That's genetics. It didn't hit you, man. It went underneath the eye. It did not. Yeah, right underneath.

Starting point is 00:06:48 We know it couldn't get in your mouth. Whoa. Two, two real. Two real. Bella truth. How many pops do you have? Those things are awesome. You'll never know.

Starting point is 00:06:56 Doing that in the middle of a table when people don't expect it is one of the most terrifying things. Yeah, that was horrible. Don't do that again. That's crazy. Why were you guys off on that last episode? Can we slow mo? Shoot, in the middle ages they would have thought he was a wizard. They would have fucking killed him. Yeah, that was horrible. That's crazy. Why were you guys off on that last episode?

Starting point is 00:07:05 In the middle ages they would have thought he was a wizard. They would have fucking killed him. Can we slow mo Joe's reaction on that? That was horrible. You're probably homo Joe's reaction. They do the really slow mo. Lewis was used to it. Lewis went like this.

Starting point is 00:07:22 I was in blank. What you didn't see is his penis move. He's like, I love chaos. Yeah. Don't do that again. Come on. Well, it was good. Did you guys not take vacations? You took vacations. You take vacations. It's Jamaica every other month. I go to Jamaica once a year. You do not. That is a fucking lie. I go to Jamaica once a year. How many times you go this year? Once. How many times did you go points fucking Lewis once in the calendar year? The bell of truth Bell of truth was on here from January Yeah, how many times did you go in in 2012 in 12 month period probably twice?

Starting point is 00:07:53 Okay, but that's a year the calendar year and we're almost done with the year you went three times You went three times you took a girl three times. No, I didn't You've gone to a tropical island this year No, I didn't. I took my trip with Lewis. How many times have you gone to a tropical island this year? Once. I've taken multiple vacations.

Starting point is 00:08:08 You're not getting me on this. I've been on airplanes and I've gone to other places. You're just not nailing the Jamaica aspect of it. All right, we're not Interpol. We're not cracking you. I'm just saying you take a lot of vacations. It's not criminal mind. It's also, you know, fucking.

Starting point is 00:08:22 What? It's a bad thing. Yeah, I love that he worked it out on the fly like that. You know, let me get it. Okay, I'm gonna stop. You know what, dude? Yeah, I take vacation. I take one vacation a year, August, last two weeks.

Starting point is 00:08:34 That's it. Done. That's what I do. I do little short four day vacations. Yeah, you do bursts. Little bursts. You're a burst. You got a burst.

Starting point is 00:08:43 You go on vacation a lot too. You go to fucking, where, South Dakota. I go to burst. You got a burst. You go on vacation a lot too. You go to fucking, we're self-accounted. All the time. I go to Maine. He goes to dickhead vacations though. He goes like, who goes to Maine for a vacation? Ridiculous. It's called vacation land. That's literally the name of the state. It actually sounds lovely. Vacation land. Vacation land. That's right. Nobody goes to vacation land for vacation. It's ironic. Did Maine do that? They're calling it because it's such a retarded place to go. They're like, it's vacation land, right? You go to a third world country. It's ironic. It may do that because it's such a retarded place to go. They're like it's vacation land. You go to a third world country. It's dangerous. I go to a country. What? He's in a country. You've done this before too. You're like, do you have a passport? I've been to 58 countries to your two. I've been

Starting point is 00:09:16 to more than two. How many countries are not allowed in Canada? You're like, I go to country, I'll be name a country. I've been there. Yes, no, I didn't name it Japan. Yep, Costa Rica you went to Japan No, but my wife went to Costa, but I went to Ecuador and Russia, Israel. I've been to Russia use Pakistan Yeah Yep, New Zealand. Yep. Oh, I think so. I've never seen you Danny I love voice Joe. That was bad. That was a bad I don't give a shit. Go back to your impacco. Paca talking to an Australian guy. You could be the Australian guy. You had it earlier. Oh, sorry.

Starting point is 00:09:54 Guys stay in character. You're popping your... You don't take vacations at all. Nope. Why? For suckers. Yeah, you and Jay don't take vacations. Some of the sort of lived it with three roommates up until six months ago. He's got 48 million dollars in the bank. I wish I'm gonna take one soon in october at the end of october. I'm taking a week. Where are you going? Going to the cat skills. Dan makes a lot of money. Yeah, you go in 13 minutes. Are you gonna dance on a lawn with Patrick Swayze? Yeah, dude, I'm gonna have a sexy dance.

Starting point is 00:10:32 What are you gonna do? You rent a house on a lake? What? The cat skill? The house we got engaged at. We're going up there. The same house. It's fucking sick. It's an awesome house. There's another awesome house in a cooler place. We really liked the town. We were like, where everything is. You're fucking smooth brain.

Starting point is 00:10:51 You're dumb. What? The fact that you go to the castles and be like, this is it, I found the perfect vacation spot. Cascades is not a vacation. And I don't need to go anywhere else. Why is it, wait, hold on. If I'm going up there and relaxing, what is it?

Starting point is 00:11:03 It's not a vacation. A vacation is out of the state you're in you're 20 minutes away from your travel every weekend Yeah, but you have not like a place where you get a little culture go to Italy go to Greece do you have money? Dan I would like that one. Make it is culture. I've been to make it has a lot of Italy I'm gonna I would like to I think I would like to take in the spring a trip to like Italy and France and like maybe Sanchez making things up now Just watch Dan make up a story is like yeah the spring I'm gonna do Well, I was gonna go see Queens of the Stone Age in Sweden, but they canceled their whole tour Sweden Sweden Sweden Sweden rules. I've been to Sweden. Stockholm is beautiful. Have you been to Sweden? Stockholm is Denmark. Sweden is the

Starting point is 00:11:49 Catskills Europe. I love Denmark. Sweden is fucking rules. Me and Ari are going to Cuba. That's fun. You guys are going to Cuba? Cuba. What are you guys gonna do? Go to Junior's house. We're gonna go to cigar places and hang out and check out Cuba. How long you guys going for? We're gonna go while the election happens. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, so we're not here. You're gonna see the eye gets down there, like how they tell you what happened. Fucking country falls apart when we're in Cuba.

Starting point is 00:12:13 You're like, well, looks like we're driving a 1952 Chevy and we're living down in Havana. Yeah. Havana. I've always wanted to go to Cuba though. Yeah, that would be cool as fuck. Fucking great down there. Cuba, Havana, Cuba.

Starting point is 00:12:22 Japan is the place I wanna go to the most. I'm thinking about doing my father son trip next year to Japan. I wanna go to Japan or Australia. But here's the thing about Japan, if you go, you have to go for like two weeks, cause you can't just like fly over there for a fucking four days.

Starting point is 00:12:37 It's a 14 hour flight from JFK. And I would wanna go to more places, I would wanna go to Tokyo, but I'd also wanna go to like some of the islands. And you have to fly at least business. Yeah. Yeah. You can't fly coach 14 hours. That's crazy. Yeah. Well you might be with your son though because you're right next to each other. That might be all right. I could probably do it now. Japan would rule. Because I'm a little. Oh when you were fat. When I was fat man.

Starting point is 00:13:00 Double belt Bobby couldn't do it. I had it. I actually had my own and it sucked when I flew other airlines because they knew mine was Delta gray and the other airlines were like blue did you know did you have a name for it like BB King for his guitars for your seatbelt extension I still have it I might frame it this guitar is called Lucille This guitar is called Lucille. I was right there with you. That really made my day. It was embarrassing.

Starting point is 00:13:28 I stole one because I asked for one once and the lady ignored me and we were going to take off and I'm like, can I please, I had to yell, can I please have the extension, your prop that can I use that? She's like, fine. Miss, you're basically allowing the boulder from Raiders of the Lost Star to roll around and unsnap. It was so bad. Did she ignore you? Miss you're basically allowing the boulder from Raiders of the Lost Ark It was so bad sir, can you please sit directly in the center of the aisle? We need to sit with the pilots I dropped an earbud. These things get a barrel roll. Dude, I dropped an earbud.

Starting point is 00:14:06 Bobby. No, not during that. I was laughing so hard. It was the best moment of the show. Yo, if you're going to be throwing down some bets this football season, you need My Bookie. Their sportsbook and casino platform lets you bet from anywhere, anytime. Joe, take it over. My Bookie makes it so easy that you don't even need to download an app it's so simple to get started and so much fun they

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Starting point is 00:15:18 with house money, don't ever miss out on the action, bet anything, anywhere, anytime, only with my bookie. That was fun. We're like a Swiss Army knife. You have everything you need. Because when shit goes bad, you need a Lewis to go like, hey, can you handle these guys? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:34 That's pretty good. That sucked. If we were a Swiss Army knife though, which would you be? I'd be the fucking corkscrew. Joe would be the- I think you would be, yeah, the corkscrew is good. I'd be the fingernail clippers. Joe's the toothpick that you pull out.

Starting point is 00:15:46 Ah, fuck, I had it and I waited. You waited. I was waiting, you go, you go, and I was gonna go and fucking fast Lewis, Joe's and he did the hand, I didn't even have the hand. This is what happens. I think I'm the knife, because I'm sharp. You're not the knife.

Starting point is 00:16:00 I'm the blade. You're the toothpick, let me tell you, you're the knife. Oh, fuck you. There's no toothpick in a Swiss. Yeah, there is. Right there. You see the little gray thing? You pull it out.

Starting point is 00:16:09 Joe's the... What? It's a key ring. That's a toothpick right there. I had no idea. Jay's the little tiny tweezers. Yeah. Louis is the corkscrew.

Starting point is 00:16:19 Bobby is the wood saw. No, I'm the scissors. I'm the large blade. No question about it. I want to be the scissors. All right, you're the scissors. I'm the reamer. Call me the wood saw. No, I'm the scissors. I'm the large blade. No, I want to be the scissors. All right. You're the scissors. I'm the reamer. Call me the reamer. No, Bobby, you're the can opener with a small screwdriver. Oh, that is you. You only purposes short stout, ready to fucking get the job done. Pop my bottle open. I'm excited to hang out in the cigar

Starting point is 00:16:39 tent with you guys. It's going to be big. By the way, they tried to put the cigar tent in like a crazy place. By the way, they put us in the big room the room we don't want I hate that fucking room oh no like the other room yeah what room we don't want the fucking room with regs and real-life podcast Friday night are in that giant room the schedules already out because we change it we were fixing the audio we're fixing a lot of things for that room don't worry they have to be film it that's where the cameras are, it's because it's being filmed. Yeah The you'll create them theater cuz that's where we're doing real ass magic or coke magic

Starting point is 00:17:10 Is it? Yeah, I saw the schedule It's it's Jay's whole apartment it's just the fucking house gang fest is gonna be seen treats it like she's fucking trying to find a murderer Jesus Christ cork boarded out. There's like strings attached to thumbtacks. No, but here's the thing. Mike Cannon can't be at the O'Crain stage. Cause Mike Cannon is over here. Just pictures of him. Poor girl's gonna be bald. She's just whittling. I heard she posted she got like 42,000 steps at Skankfest. It's wild. Crazy. Yeah, it's wild. What happened? What do you mean tried to? I heard she posted she got like 42,000 steps at Skankfest.

Starting point is 00:17:45 It's wild. Crazy. Yeah, it's wild. What happened? What do you mean tried? I thought this whole new cigar lounge was going to be epic. They're trying to put it, sorry, there's a restaurant that opened up upstairs that we're completely taking over, so it's just for Skankfest.

Starting point is 00:17:59 Yeah, you guys rented it out. Comics or fans? Both. So comics, instead of doing the shitty fucking lunch we did last year and dinner like now you just get a ticket you go over and grab a burger or sandwich from the spot which is one great yeah but fans could also eat there there's a bar there which is great so she's another like cool area to like you know which is how places it plays well much cooler are they gonna have snacks but yes but listen they want to put the

Starting point is 00:18:22 cigar tent like in the back of that restaurant, like away from the festival essentially. It was going to be so far away from everything. You mean in a good place? Like private? Private, where we can go and chill and... No, yeah, but I'm not... You already have the green room for that.

Starting point is 00:18:36 You have the green... Bobby, it's not literally designed for you to sit away from everybody at the festival. No, it actually was. It was a getaway retreat to go and smoke cigars and hang out if I put it in a different building away from the festival you guys would never be back at the festival this is gonna be a fight let's just be cool I can see the direction is going to the fuck I know the fucking direction it's going. There we go, there's Joe. Take a little food out of your teeth. Yeah, fixing things up, making everyone look nice. Let me ream this the way I reamed.

Starting point is 00:19:09 I see both sides, I see both boys. Bobby, you're trying to fucking open a can and screw a screw at the same time right now. I see what you're doing. I'm just trying to get the gunk right out of the bottom. I'm just saying, where it is. As the big boy. Bobby's always opening the can and screwing a screw. Here we go where it was is fine

Starting point is 00:19:28 I mean it originated just hanging out in the t-shirt area then it be last year was epic. You say t-shirt And and now The bossy somebody can't say ours That's really good. It's like not haha, but it's very good. I mean very good. Haha is essential on the show. Yeah, that was very cool. But being away keeps the riffraff away. There was a lot of riffraff showing up at that one. Well, no, what we'll do this year is we're tenting it off in a better way. In the same spot. Same spot. But it'll be like, you know, some fucking... And we're gonna have a security guard too, so there's no riffraff. No open mic is gonna show up with a fucking bong and we can't we can't tell

Starting point is 00:20:06 comedians that they're not of a certain caliber of the working the best i i i think i don't know brian i can't happen you cannot come out here credit check people at the tent and i tell you right now i can't i'm i want to put a lot of my condom and have this as a segment to write this is about a bouncing i want to know one night and it was just like all club owners taking up seats. It should be comics only. Not even smoking cigars. Just sitting there. You need two recommendations. No. We should have Esty come down and pass people. Why do you and who do you know? What is a skankafist? Calling your ve verse for the cigar thing and please avoid ventilation

Starting point is 00:20:53 There's got to be some dude they're going now beat it but we were we were regulated last year, right? Yeah, remember that band showed up. Yeah, that was fucking weird, but then they kicked him out and it got weird I don't know. We just made fun of him till they left No, they kicked him out guys made fun of me last year till I left when I was eating. What was I eating? You brought food in. Pussy. I was there. No, I ate a, I was eating a sandwich just, but it was like, you sat down and took a beating. It was like tuna on white bread. It was like, it was just looked like, it looked like you stole off a child's lunch box. And I just said that. It was like corner cut.

Starting point is 00:21:19 I started eating it and these guys trashed me for 10 minutes straight until I literally just left. I remember you picking up your basket of food and going I'm gonna go eat this elsewhere I think the cigar the cigar tent was a fucking hit hit and as soon as we got the riff raff out Yeah, did they really kick the band out somebody came in and it was awkward. Yes, very awkward I'm excited. I ran over was like that wasn't us. We don't know what that was. You said that Yeah, but you wanted them out. Right. That band?

Starting point is 00:21:46 But then you, when they kicked them out, you were like, you actually apologized for it? Yeah, but then kept them out. Joe's meant for LA, he's a phony. You are a phony. He's a phony. That's not a phony, that's nice. That's not nice, it's a phony.

Starting point is 00:21:55 No, because phony is we had somebody else kick them out. Yes. I, you didn't kick them out, you wanted them out, so you told somebody to kick them out. No, I kind didn't kick him out you better you wanted them out. So you told somebody to kick them out No, I call it kick them out. I made fun of them. That was fun. I made fun of him until he felt uncomfortable But was the bank hold wild plains? I don't know. They were good guys. Very nice. Yeah, I like them They were alright, but they came in and did the band thing and we were like shut up Yeah, well, it was a perfect situation because they were nice enough but they weren't close buddies.

Starting point is 00:22:28 So then somebody was like hey it's gotta be comics. Kicking someone out. They were like what? And so I made it clear hey the comic wasn't I don't know it was weird but that's ideal. That's the way you do it. Kicking someone out of a space whether you're like barbecuing at a park or something like that is always you need someone that's like I'm gonna be the good guy you're gonna be the bad guy and we'll get through this.

Starting point is 00:22:48 Exactly that way they weren't like these comics are assholes they were like this festival is assholes. I told some girl to beat it she came in with a bong I was like fucking beat it. No you're making no weed I think that's a good rule. No weed. No weed it's specifically cigars if you're not smoking cigars and you're not a comic. You can smoke a cigarette I mean look Dan you can smoke weed. If you're not smoking cigars, and you're not a comic. You can smoke cigars. I mean, look, Dan, you can smoke weed.

Starting point is 00:23:07 Thank you. Not fucking. You have to make certain, you know how they say when you go to certain bars, it'd be like no hats, no jeans. We know who we're keeping out. No weed. No black people in the cigar tent.

Starting point is 00:23:17 I got it. No Yankees heads. No riff raff. We got it. No act outs. You know what I mean? If you get too loud, you have to leave. If you've ever broken a microphone on a comedy club weekend, you can't come in.

Starting point is 00:23:30 Let's just say we need government names in the cigar tent. If you end your set like this. Yeah, I don't want Caroline Ray sitting down smoking a joint. She's like, that is... Caroline Ray is so funny. She's doing Skankfest? No. Caroline Ray is so funny. She's doing Spankfest? No. But there are some weird ones. I would actually kind of want to smoke a joint with Caroline Ray and be like what was Sabrina like off camera? Who are some weird ones? You should

Starting point is 00:23:52 have seen me trying to kiss what's-his-name's-ass. Who's the old western dude who- Ron what? In Austin the old- Ron White. Ron White. Ron White. He's just not listening to you today. It's a weird thing I've watched. Yeah you guys are fine. I think you gotta move over that way. It's a weird thing. I think you're gonna move that way I'm sorry Ron white he came in and I tried to fucking you know me. I was like, hey man, do you want to here's a chair? He's like, I'm good. I'm fine. Yeah, I'm fine. Please leave me. I was like you want a cigar? He's like Hey, he's like somebody please get the riff-raff out of here. Why is this guy bothering? I tell you my Ron white story that stemmed from that Why does this guy bother? Did I tell you my Ron White story that stemmed from that?

Starting point is 00:24:25 So he came and sat at the cigar lounge for a while, and he was smoking a little cigar, cigarette-y thing, what do they call it? Cigarette-os. Like a pussy. That's right, Austin, we're coming for you. And we're all hanging out, it was Tom Dustin, and me, and a few people, and so I started telling,

Starting point is 00:24:39 I told a story, and everyone, you know, I was doing like best of, best comedy story. You were killing. Killing, killing. And Ron White's dying laughing. And then I wait for someone else's story. But no one else tells the story. So I go, Oh, what about this one? And I'm doing the best comedy stories I've ever heard. Killing. It was like the best time of my life. So then cut to February. What is that? Five months later, I walk in the green room at mothership for my big weekend and Ron White's sitting there. go hey Ron White hey I go Joe List remember we were

Starting point is 00:25:09 hanging out I sucked your dick and because Tom Dustin was there I had Key West in my mind well also this is also a funny part Karen was with me Fiat and I was like all right it's comedy mothership your girlfriend town it's a whole thing let's stick together because you know because sometimes there's weird people there you don't know who's there and it can be a weird hang there and it's a lot of ego So it's like let's stick together. I've never had it. It's the nicest people It's a nice green room. I mean it couldn't be anymore. I feel like a celebrity I've walked in packed room and they were like come in and they showed me everything sat me down

Starting point is 00:25:41 It's honestly someone got up and they're not bullies, but it's it's Joe and Tony and they're huge everything, sat me down. Someone got up and actually gave me a seat. They're not bullies, but it's Joe and Tony, and they're huge. And I feel like I'm a New York guy, I'm out of town. Dan? You're telling the truth. You go in there, and there are pockets of people having conversations. And it's like being in a lunchroom at a new school.

Starting point is 00:25:59 It's great. I love it. But this people have not overly. I found it, by the way, when I worked the weekend, loved it. But when I've been in there on like a Tuesday or a way when I worked the weekend loved it. Great. But when I've been in there on like a Tuesday or a Wednesday when I've stopped in and you go in at the height of the show when everyone's in there it's an intimidating green room. Can you guys admit that maybe? It's you. It's you? Yeah 100%. Okay great. Yeah it's you. So what the saying that the seller comics come to the seller

Starting point is 00:26:20 they're like. The seller did have that I I understand what you're saying You're not being crazy here the seller had that as it has that young comic coming. It has that now if you're a white alpha male But no like when you go to the seller before you know when I was a couple years in comedy It would be literally like nerve-racking. I don't wear striped sweatshirts because of the seller Why I wore an ad I was a house sitting for Bobby and I was walking around Hell's Kitchen, had a little bit of money from the Guinness gig, walked by an Adidas store, I was like, that's a very cool sweatshirt. It's blue and it's striped and I wore it to the seller that night and I maybe got five steps in and DeRosa, Keith Robinson and Sherrod Small beat the piss out of me verbally until

Starting point is 00:27:03 I threw that sweatshirt away. I've thrown sweatpants away. Because I walked in and they were like. I had blue sweatpants with a baby blue stripe. I looked like a fat security guard. Yeah, Keith, when I walked in, he goes, hey everyone, Soda just avoided the giant spotlight sneaking out of prison.

Starting point is 00:27:17 And then I couldn't unsee, I looked like an old prisoner. And I was like, god damn it. Uh oh. Fuck me up. I just got a new apartment and I had to write letters of recommendation from an employer. I asked Liz, new apartment. I had to write letters of recommendation from employer Yeah, I asked Liz and she was busy So I was like I'll just write the letter and then you sign it and I sent it to her and she was like this

Starting point is 00:27:33 I wrote about myself being like not only is he the best comic Please tell Keith about this that's what Colin fucking fun. She's like she was quoting it and sending it back to me She's like you're a piece of Joe Joe, please. Can we see right now, please? Really bad Wait, I gotta finish my Ron White's right then we'll go to this It ends with our clothes on the floor This is gonna be really embarrassing but the point is you can act like it's not into a bit whatever but get if it's your weekend but joe i've done the show many times but i'm not tight with joe and he's the

Starting point is 00:28:16 most famous person world as interviewing fucking robert de niro and then you're walking into his green room tony's the whole thing anyways so like we guys thinking he never did you ever do near i walk in the front white is sitting there who's also intimidate spit on my coffee and so i go hey ron white rubber joe list we're in key west

Starting point is 00:28:36 i was telling stories i was telling rubber it goes i've never been to see what the fuck i want to have a happy talking about it because i was in a and i don't know to Key West. He goes, that wasn't me. And I go, no, it was. Remember? And he goes, I've never set foot in Key West. You have the wrong guy. And I look over, and you just see Karen's ponytail shooting

Starting point is 00:28:53 out the green room door. Just gone. So now it's just Ron and I one on one. And I was like, dude, you loved me. And he's like, I don't know who the fuck you are. No shit. It was horrible. And just standing there.

Starting point is 00:29:03 Did you get it eventually? Did you say it was Skankfest? No, I went Sk No shit. It was horrible. And just did you get it eventually? Did you say it was gang fest? No, I went skype. It was Vegas. And even then he wasn't like, Oh yeah, dude, you were hilarious. He was like, Oh yeah, you were killing. You do a pretty good. I was killing. It was bad. Like you're a you're gay. He just said he has a weird I never got a warm energy from him. Every time I see him, he's just kind of like looking through me. I'm like, what did I do to you? I'm gonna tell you right now. I love that man

Starting point is 00:29:27 He reminds me of every comic I met starting in Tucson because he's such a road dog Yeah that you see him and you're like I saw I bet you were killing with those stories killing Ron whites a fucking road He was killing so bad. I was jealous really I Was trying by the way, I was trying to think of something. I was like, I got stories. I was trying to think of some story I could whip it out. I was told the Seinfeld story. Oh, that's the best. I backed out.

Starting point is 00:29:50 I backed out so quick. He wanted nothing to do with me. I offered him my seat and he went, nah. Sorry. So you admit that it can be intimidating. Then he sat down. I'm not going to sit in your warmth. Yeah, you go, sorry, your pussy juice is all over the chair.

Starting point is 00:30:06 There's gotta be places you go. If you go to the store, you don't feel like, oh God, here we go, comedy store, this is. No, the store's awesome, I feel like it's a party. You're saying it like it's a criticism. It's so awesome that it's intimidating. I'm saying, what we're saying is new places, and this just goes for any person.

Starting point is 00:30:20 When you have. I love Dan just sticking up for him. Who, for Jolo's? You guys just can't. Well, Dan's just being honest, and you guys aren't. No, I Joe's honest and you guys are no I'm not you felt great at MSG nerve-wracking okay yeah get the fuck out of here mothership pays more the mothership is an inviting green room. I disagree with that.

Starting point is 00:30:49 And I'll say that with the four Navy seals outside the door. When you walk up and you go, I'm cool. I'm cool. Like I'm coming out of the Rio Grande fucking border. As soon as you walk up, they know your name. They're like, Hey Bobby, how you doing? And they literally open the thing. I've never.

Starting point is 00:31:06 Cool, that's happened to you. Not my experience. I've never had, I've also, I felt. I went to meet Ari there one time and I felt like Al Qaeda trying to get into the fucking green room. I think that's on you, dude. I also did.

Starting point is 00:31:17 I felt worse. I think that's in your head. I did, kept saying, insalaah. I felt that way at this. Insalaah, insalaah. I'm looking for Joe Rogan. Insalaah, insalaah. At the laugh factory, I felt that way at this. The laugh. I'm looking for Joe Rogan. At the laugh factory, I felt that way when I first went to LA.

Starting point is 00:31:30 I understand what you're trying to say, but the mothership, I've never felt that. But I was felt way better on my weekend and I probably would be more comfortable now going out there. I felt worse on my weekend because nobody was there. I felt like nobody showed up. I thought it was going to be packed. Oh, everyone was there for my weekend. Oh, great. I felt like nobody showed up. I thought it was going to be packed. Oh, everyone was there for my weekend. Oh, great.

Starting point is 00:31:47 I'm not, but I just want to be clear. I mean, your weekend at the mothership wasn't packed? The green room? Oh, I was like, I thought it just sells out months in advance. No, no, the shows were packed. The green room, I thought it was going to be like when I went during the week and everybody was going to be hanging. It was nobody. Oh, just dead. Yeah. No, the the headline weekends is no we're in the room yeah now people but the point is I'm not criticizing the club I'm not saying it's

Starting point is 00:32:10 like they're like get out of here you piece of shit I'm just saying it's intimidating to go to another place that's like a and it's not like the funny but with your you're the guy and a bomb with the story with a legendary comic right it's yet so it's a big it's like going to the seller. It's got Mystique, you would know it's a year old, whatever. All right, read the letter. No, I don't. Come on.

Starting point is 00:32:30 Read it, Joe. Read it. You better read that fucking letter. Explain this again, what is this for? Do you want me to read it as pre-stroke Keith? No, I'll read it. What is it for? I got an apartment, Sarah and I got a condom.

Starting point is 00:32:40 He's gonna omit words, and that's my problem. I won't omit. Let me read it as pre-stroke Keith. Did you have to have Liz co-sign for you see if you have a lot of data letter of recommend all that's crazy that you don't your employees themselves employed you can't write a letter from your employer yourself employed that's a job where you have a movie

Starting point is 00:32:58 to show them the movie you know i showed them a screenshot of my bank account was pretty cool and i dropped everyone's name I was like I'm friends with Shane Gillis None of us at this table. No you guys are gonna get me far. You're all right seen succession I had another show on show time Joe's omitting words. He's turning. I'm not gonna. We can't see it Yeah, he can't say the word. I'm not handing my phone to any of you fucking animals. Why I won't omit no omit Oh, I'm saying omit you fuck. He said admit 15 times. I didn't you can play the omit oh I'm saying omit you fuck you said admit 15 times I didn't you can play the tape back I'm saying omit I have an accent by the way I know the camera's working yes dear we have a mic check in every 20 minutes just to make sure hey guys dear board of directors I am writing to enthusiastically recommend

Starting point is 00:33:46 Joe List for the purchase of an apartment in your cooperative building as a valuable apartment. You're buying it? No. It's a co-op, but I don't own it. I'm renting it from the person that owns it. Let me just say, I'm going to back you up right now. Co-ops are the worst. Yeah, they'll fuck with you. I don't own it. I had to bring my dog for an interview. I would've, that's hilarious. I had to bring Kelby and Diva for an interview because, man. I miss you guys.

Starting point is 00:34:10 God bless. Thank you for pooping on the street and not telling Bobby about all the pussy I brought into the apartment. I left Kelby's grave in the backyard of my new, should I have told them? No, dude, let Kelby climb out like a dog so I'll be able to see their face.

Starting point is 00:34:24 So here's the thing. Bobby's up in New Hampshire. I told you what you're putting out. Right. I might not come back always the way you want to. Max left a letter in the closet that I had to go back and get that said this house is haunted. No funny.

Starting point is 00:34:38 Maximilian, when you're watching this later in life, you're wrong. It's very he left it in. And they're they're an Asian couple who bought the house, and they have a room with all kinds of Buddha stuff. I think they bought the house because it's faced in the right way. Maybe.

Starting point is 00:34:51 Or they love the house. God bless Eastern philosophy. And this fucking son of a bitch wrote in his sketchy, haunted handwriting, his shitty handwriting. What did he write? This house is haunted. And then he just scribbled a bunch of fucking weird shit.

Starting point is 00:35:04 I hate to give notes, but if I was redo redoing this if Max would have called me and gone Dan help me really get this what you do is you scratch it into the wall in the closet you write help me there is no hope here then you go into another room and you scratch someone other thing so while they're doing their meditations and they're like did you notice there was a scratching on the wall? Chinese. Oh, Chinese. Yeah, good.

Starting point is 00:35:29 Joe? Do you, you did not notice that there is a scratching on the wall? They're very intense people. And so you wouldn't got it? Or you know what he should have done? Like if he wouldn't have went in the bathroom, he could have let the mirror get all fucking foggy,

Starting point is 00:35:45 then written like, help me. I'm trapped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when they take the next shower, it'll be there the next time. By the way, do that in a hotel. Because someone's done that to me, and it's ruined the hotel.

Starting point is 00:35:56 Do that in a hotel. Or you can write on the mirror with lipstick, welcome to the world of AIDS. Oh. Just do that in a hotel. All right, go back to your, oh, this is it. The world of AIDS? By, it's it's a what do you call it from a letter? What do you call it a template? That's why it says all the shit. Did you use AI? No, I just took the template they could use AI. I didn't the thing. Hey eyes at best

Starting point is 00:36:18 Hey eyes, they were using our water to cool it down. We're fucked. What do you mean? What? Yeah, it's gonna fuck us You got a bad algorithm water to cool it down, we're fucked. What do you mean? What? Yeah, it's gonna fuck us. You got a bad algorithm. Water to cool it down? Yeah, to make it... We're using our water to cool down... The computers they use to make a... So that's... It's... It's... The same reason why our computer just died because it got too hot is the same reason... We're fine on water, Dan. Yeah, it'll never be a problem. Meanwhile, James is like, my name's Corporal Gomez. Here in the water wars, you call me Slash. My father was a snake, I'm a rattlesnake. And then back in Bobby's time, the water wars.

Starting point is 00:36:52 The water wars of 2039. And then Max is like, Dan, it's a haunting of dry mouth. Maximilian controls the lakes of New Hampshire. Maximus, Maximillian's Jewish. Well, maybe you should have given him the right name. I gave him the right name. You wanted to set him up. Maximus.

Starting point is 00:37:10 That was gonna be Max 1000. And not Max living comfortably. All right, I gotta go. What? I gotta leave, give me the bum, Dan. It was fucking great, don't kid yourself. The water, water pours. I think the bits did anyway.

Starting point is 00:37:24 No it's not. I think the bits dead Getting nervous why I've never seen Joe this this is what they pick up in the mothership green room this energy That's why they fucking This is called prey energy You had to you don't go into Joe's club with this type of energy No, you do your jiu-jitsu warm-ups, and then you walk in there and you challenge your face to face. Yeah, dude You don't know I let the show do the talking November 9th town hall, New York City. Yeah. Yeah November 8th, I'll be there

Starting point is 00:37:54 Taking up all my tickets No one's coming to bowl me and Lewis we should get booked the other day after Joe with a terrible idea about slowly siphon it all off. I have known and worked with Joe for over 10 years at the Comedy Cellar as general manager of the not just the, oh no, there's a huge typo in here. Wow. What an idiot. Signed by her.

Starting point is 00:38:18 Oh no. Oh no. As general manager of the not just the. What a stupid bitch. Should've AI'd it, you fucking idiot. Original Comedy Cellar McDougal Street, but at sister clubs, the Village Underground, not just the what a stupid bitch fucking idiot original comic comic do you see but it's sister clubs the village underground fat black pussycat and comedy seller Vegas I have had the privilege of working with Joe at all

Starting point is 00:38:31 the clubs through the years he is dependable trustworthy and respectful professional don't you think in addition to being known as one of the funniest and most prolific comedian she said he, what the fuck? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, run that sentence back. Dependable, trustworthy. In addition to being known as one of the funniest and most prolific comedians, crazy, crazy prolific in a letter about yourself is fucking what? Four specials in five years! A cock that touches all the corners of a puss? That would have been fucking prolific in 1985. That's crazy!

Starting point is 00:39:14 You can film a special with your iPhone. What, Liz, what, doesn't, wouldn't think I'm prolific? You film the same special at the same club! Prolific? It's different material. Not prolific? It's not prolific. You gotta tell me I'm not prolific, motherfucker?

Starting point is 00:39:24 No, You're not You allow us to say that about you what is prolific Liz said it about me you've never put that in there Right now no prolific you put that in the letter. That's crazy. We're not gonna close called you prolific many many people I've called them prolific men just when he's banging many many people are called a prolific man just we've been in my people uh... prolific yeah what's it say producing younger fruit the story i was young fruit my baby's he writes a lot he's prolific we don't call is the final is prolific mark by an abundant don't ever have a good in the end all of five my uh...

Starting point is 00:40:02 on the growth Can opening of stuff Joe to put it in a letter about yourself is ridiculous. It's not written by myself It's written by Liz didn't write writing right that you ghost she thinks I'm prolific. She just wrote it Yeah, but it's got I got it. Who's the ghost you? The ghost everybody write a letter for themselves on the show and see what you guys so my god this giant head that pieces shit and tell me and you know i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i letter of recommendation for an apartment that I'm trying to rent in New York City it should detail how trustworthy I am and professional I am prolific and what a pussy I am fast now where's that water cool all that down right there it just it just

Starting point is 00:40:57 stopped your landlord's name I'm writing to provide a strong recommendation for Luis J Gomez as a prospective tenant in your apartment in New York City I've had the pleasure of knowing Lewis for X years and I can confidently say that he's an outstanding individual and with qualities that make him an ideal tenant. That's more ridiculous than mine. Incredibly child-worthy person who has consistently demonstrated responsibility and reliability in both his professional and personal life. Wow. As a successful comedian and podcast host, he manages multiple projects with dedication, integrity, and commitment to excellence.

Starting point is 00:41:23 His work ethic is impeccable and he is highly organized and professional in all aspects of his life. That's what ChatGBT wrote for me. This is fucking perfect. I asked ChatGBT, they wrote this. You said they didn't. You said you wrote it. No, this is...

Starting point is 00:41:35 Oh, I misspoke. No, no, no. You said use a template. I misspoke. This is ChatGBT. Hold on, hold on. What is going on? Stop for a second. I don't believe this. We all said, we all said, you said use a template. Then we said, did you use AI? I misunderstood, yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:46 How did you misunderstand us all saying the same thing? AI said I was prolific, I don't know. I'll tell you right now. You said it. I'm going to tell you right now if this was a murder investigation, I'm keeping this one in the interrogation room another 16 hours. We have a large, diverse group of comedians and waitstaff who are always very happy to see him and work with him.

Starting point is 00:42:04 True. I've been told you're a horror by them. God. Did you just sneeze there? The bomb Dan? Now it has meaning. That's ridiculous. Now it has meaning. That's obscene. That's crazy. Now. We have to all touch it. I've been doing that for years. Bobby did it so unapologetically that I know that's the truth.

Starting point is 00:42:22 I've been jerking off of this for years. Bobby just wipes his ass with it. Bobby used to actually just bully us. If you ever go back and watch the old episodes, it's crazy how much our balls are cut off. Hang on one second. You just, I've changed. Yeah, you used to scream.

Starting point is 00:42:39 What was funny is seeing. And now you guys are all fucking hardened army, fucking tip of the seal, Navy motherfucking Rangers. Tip of the seal? That kill it. Tip of the seal? Tip of the spear. Tip of the seal?

Starting point is 00:42:53 Yeah, you're tip of the seal. Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh! Oh! Everyone knows. Yeah, you guys should thank me for fucking hardening you f***** up. No way, dude.

Starting point is 00:43:01 I remember I called Stavros. All of our friends that weren't hardened up by the system are rich. Yeah, why aren't we rich? I can't take vacations. Hey, here's the thing. You want fun or your fame? It's up to you.

Starting point is 00:43:11 True. Well, that should be a T-shirt. When Stavros was opening for Bobby, he did like 30 straight days on the road. It was like over 12 years ago. Stavros is a piece of shit. I called Stavros just one time and I go, hey, it's okay. Even if Bobby yells at you and he goes, how did you know?

Starting point is 00:43:29 I want to say this, I want to say this. Out of all the people I've toured with, you guys, I'm telling you this, Stavros, alls he wanted was to get pussy. Fine, left me alone on my birthday. Took him on tour, on my birthday, went to fuck some fat redhead. I'm alone with the promoter at a steakhouse eating with this guy that was like,

Starting point is 00:43:51 do you want a steak? He's like, no, I'm good. Just watch me eat. Then we went back to the hotel. Yes, Lewis? You're not a woman who cares about your birthday? Doesn't matter, you're on the road. Your mistake was going on the road with Star Wars during

Starting point is 00:44:06 Soktober. Check his calendar. And then the next day this fucking tub of shit, I love Star Wars, little baby Star Wars. He left the key in the promoter's car, came back later and got a ride from it, left the key in the car. We're in the parking lot ready to leave. He's ripping apart his bags. The guy was a two hours away, had to drive back or the promoter and I had to pay the guy money to come back to give us

Starting point is 00:44:35 the car key. That fat tits left in the back seat. Lewis is smoking and Joe, we've been smoking the whole show. You, you, your, your heads in a different world. It's not smoke It's not smoke. You're not smoking. It's no You're not doing a vaping. I have really bad breath. You could visibly see it. That's true He's brought in the winter chill with him Yeah, so fuck that two hours to drive two hours leaving a car key and having a setback like that. I'm exaggerating Probably we're on camera.

Starting point is 00:45:06 What are you, like, no, dude. I was kidding. Oh, okay. I don't understand what's happening right now. You're high. I wanna know the end of your letter. Can I read it? I don't like Dan's baby fingernails.

Starting point is 00:45:20 He is, hold on, hold on. You do, you have little baby fingernails. Little baby. I gotta cut them. They're pretty long. I got long fingers You do, you have little baby finger nails. Little baby, I gotta cut them. They're pretty long. I got long fingers. Yeah, you can be scratched by those. Girls like that, dude. Girls want these fingers inside of them.

Starting point is 00:45:32 Yeah, dude. Girls like a big hand. That's why they don't like your hands. Fuck you. You have little tiny hands. Shut up, don't say that. Dawn said that about me. Did she really?

Starting point is 00:45:39 Yeah, she didn't say little, she said you have thin fingers. Yeah, I have thin fingers. She said that? While you were fingering her. She said that. God damn can you put both hands in me? She said that 15 years ago, it still bothers me today.

Starting point is 00:45:50 That's so funny. I have piano fingers. Little fingers. I have thin fingers. I have perfect hands. We already did this when we decided that my hands were gonna be the hands of the. Didn't you say someone made us?

Starting point is 00:46:00 Yeah we have. How many do we have? Can we see them? Yeah we got, Danny bring it. We're supposed to give them Skank Fest tickets. Yeah. The best one. The bits, the funny parts. made us yeah we have we have we see them yeah we got Danny bring it skank fest tickets yeah the best one that's the bits the pilot part dude it went off on tangents there we do I know but Dan's asking for the rest he because you're hiding something. Let Dan read it. Let me read it as Keith. Don't read the whole

Starting point is 00:46:20 letter again. He's just it is my belief that Joe would be an asset to your corporate I don't even know what I'm doing. It sounds like your chapelle. Yeah I know. It's reading as Dan. it is my belief that Joe would be an asset to your corporate. I don't even know what I'm doing. Sounds like your chapelle. Yeah, I know. It's reading as Dan. It is my belief that Joe would be an asset. Read it as Andre the Giant. It is my belief that Joe would be an asset. Read it as an Indian. To your cooperative building. Not that Indian, American Indian. And he has my highest recommendation without reservation. Throw a little macho man in there, why not? I am sure, yeah. I am very sure he will meet and exceed your expectations and that you will happy with his application. Feel free to contact me, yeah, if you have any questions

Starting point is 00:47:09 or need further information. Thank you for your time and your consideration. Damn, do you really have, this looks like, this is like getting an application for a bank loan. It's not easy to get these places. Dude, if Dan ever gets into a car accident, I know he's gonna get stuck in like some sort of fucking, right between different fucking impressions. Like T-1000 in the steel when he's gonna get stuck in like some sort of Different fucking impressions like to you a thousand in the steel when he's melting Now put a bullet in me and you got place yeah, I think so what do you mean you think so after all that you didn't

Starting point is 00:47:40 You got to send all this stuff. Yeah right on the water And then you gotta send all this stuff, yeah. Right on the water. I thought you were gonna move to Jersey. When did that fall out? Well, it's a whole thing. Sarah's not ready to move to the suburbs, we'll be isolated out there. Oh, it's her idea.

Starting point is 00:47:54 She wanted to be in the city. Also buying a house right now. Buying a house is bad right now. And we're still doing spots and running around doing comedy. Sarah's like, I wanna be in the house. You don't need to be out, you said it. When your kid gets into school though, school school, you should move to a good school district. Well we can afford the school district down there I don't think. But it's all kids

Starting point is 00:48:12 down there. The parks are amazing down there. Really? They call it the best small town in New York. It's amazing. Should I bring my dog down there? No. The sun goes down and turns into a fucking ghost town, oh yeah what the financial district It's but we're not in the financial this we're in battery park City which is the same thing it's not it's right There it's Across the street from it this is like they shoot you if you come over as a homeless person they throw you in the river Yeah but if you see a homeless person over there at night it's terrifying at least there's a lot of them mixed in with everybody Yeah, I was no it's a nice area I was just in Charlotte there were just assholes. We just tearing him down from over here So there's always cops there too. What it's next to the World Trade Center

Starting point is 00:48:53 There's always cops and fuck it. That's a place where you want to be where they terrorists want to attack never forget, dude Yeah, they out on 9-eleven right above your house. They built a bigger tower to mock the terrorists Did they try to make the building look like a bullseye? What can I ask what floor you're going to be on? Third. Oh, that's not bad. That's a good one. You get out when there's a problem and there will be one.

Starting point is 00:49:12 Yeah. The scary thing is the flooding. We're on the water and the water is so fucking hot. You know that you should be on the higher floor. All those buildings that they built, that wasn't land. I know. It was a very... They landfilled that.

Starting point is 00:49:25 So you live on shit? Dirt. Shit. Dirt shit. Dirt shit. Is there movement to the building? That would terrify me. You're right, it is more fun to trash them.

Starting point is 00:49:33 Fuck your apartment, fuck your wife, fuck your baby. It's all new land. That's too far, fuck you, man. How long is it gonna take you to get here? 15 minutes. I can ride my bike here. Ooh. I don't have a bike, but I can ride a bike.

Starting point is 00:49:44 If you're a father, you will be, be oh Joe's gonna be the father with the baby on the back of the bike oh I hate him not in Manhattan I would ride my baby that's why you know what that means that means baby brains on the street you don't do that oh you're on the West Side Highway right yeah I'm west of the West Side Highway what you can't get your new journey. Ocean West of the Joe rented out a place on Ellis Island. He's in the statue of his bedroom is yes. And we're south of the West side highway too. We're on the tip all the way down the end. Very end dude. If you have to get out of the city, you're fucked. The tunnel and Tunnels right there, the battery tunnels right there. They shut the tunnels down.

Starting point is 00:50:26 You're obsessed with this. The Apocalypse is coming. Everything comes, they shut the tunnels down. Also, tunnels are, have you done, like, they're actually underwater. Isn't that fucking bonkers? What? Isn't that bonkers? How much wheat can I have? Very good, Louis. That's right. Wait a minute, tunnels are underwater? They are under the ground Being through the water is just the craziest fucking thing Ground they're not in the water water coming on the side Aquarium no

Starting point is 00:51:02 Everything is a durable But the tubes yeah You guys are assholes I bet you under the ground they if the water would corrode the fucking tunnel don't be an asshole But no, I'm not it's under the ground. I bet you there's tunnels that go through the water Well, there's like there's what do you mean like an amusement park? Let's see the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel But nobody's first of all forget the battery tunnel The battery tunnels the one that I don't even know I've been in New York for 20 years of my life Didn't even never heard of the fucking battery. Tell take it away They all go under the ground yeah, what do you think they are? They don't you know me ships go over the fucking it through that the high thought it was a to the ships gonna bump into

Starting point is 00:51:42 The tube it is a tube, but it's under the ground. They can't. You know what you saw that Sylvester Stallone movie daylight and you thought that tunnels are in the water. I thought if I if I chipped away at it, I could just like water would spray through right in my eyes. What would it sound like? We're in traffic. You guys see that water coming in? Did you guys hear? I plug it with my finger that another thing wouldn't open Bubble gum on it

Starting point is 00:52:11 I would not want to be down at the end of fucking Manhattan if shit goes down I would definitely want to and it's not with your family. It's not like you and your family are fuck It's not like I'm crazy It has happened in the city in our lifetime down at that area. On this day that this episode came out. Oh that's right it is September 11th. Apparently you forgot. Yeah well there's fucking things happen everywhere there's school shootings where you are. Thank you. Thank you Lewis. No there's not. Yeah there's not school shootings in fucking Katona. no no no I live also school shootings by the way I would have been saying that because then the second you

Starting point is 00:52:48 go like never I live and then like one of the worst massacres it's ever occurred it's my son Maximilian he Dude, he's the Spaniard. And he runs his hand along grain. That's why I named him after. Bobby's living in a basement right now. Being like, duh, you fucked up. You shouldn't have gone to a luxury building. This shit might go down. Way till you see... You want to remember my shower at the place?

Starting point is 00:53:19 I banged on it. Way till you see the new shower. I slang rope in that thing. New showers. Fucking nuts. This is me in his old shower. Oh, by the you see the new slang rope in that new showers. Fuck it. Nuts. This is me in his old. Oh, by the way, dude, I stayed at. Guys, this is me in his old shower. Oh, fuck my new.

Starting point is 00:53:31 I remember how big it was. Yeah, I remember how new ones bigger dude. That's all the nugget seven foot by five feet. I will sweets at the Golden Nugget. Yeah, incredible. Best mozzarella sticks I've ever had in my life. Order them if you go to the nugget. It's unbelievable. So I used to. I've ever had in my life. Order them if you're still at the Golden Nugget. At the Golden Nugget?

Starting point is 00:53:46 It's unbelievable. I love it. So I used to... We got sweets? We're at the other one. I get a sweet. But we get the deli. The deli is my favorite.

Starting point is 00:53:54 If you're at the Golden Nugget, ask to upgrade to a sweet day of. It's a couple hundred bucks and it's two floors and the shower is a steam room. That's pretty cool. I mean the Golden Nugget's rooms are fucking nice. We'll be at the Circa with the deli. I like this 21 and over. I'm gonna be at the Circa. No kids.

Starting point is 00:54:08 Why can't I get the Circa? You gotta ask. You wanted the other one. May I have the Circa? Them as them three months ago. You can't get the Circa, dude. Not now. Not now.

Starting point is 00:54:20 You want my room? Were you at the Circa last year? No. There's a... mozzarella sticks. I think there's one comic I'm not gonna say who but I think he's only coming to the fortnight's and he's got a suite at the Circus that I think You could probably get you for the clue Sweet

Starting point is 00:54:34 I'm there two nights. What's gonna sweet? Who's gonna fucking sweet sweet every year real fuck is our sweet? You're gone the most you're the least at the hotel You were at every event. My schedule is literally 12 2 4 6 8 10 12 every day. You can count You should have no room. You should just hang out Why don't we have a sweet sleep in the ring? They should give you a hammock like Spicoli Sleep on set. I'm gonna sleep in the fucking You know you should get rent an RV a fucking talent RV bus or something like that hang it park it near the venue we can go there

Starting point is 00:55:10 and fucking do some weird fuck fuck some gay fuck fuck fuck cheat on our wives cheat on our wives cheat on our wives cheat on your soon to be wives I'm gonna be single for the first time at Skank to s in dive only single one time ever it's going to get a girl from

Starting point is 00:55:28 between now and i think you get a girlfriend aids uh... i think it'll from before skater no i won't first while two weeks away was good grisley two weeks or is that shipper asshole yeah this is a good life for less than two weeks here though about two months of the in lara uh... There's a few people that are fun. They're not coming this year though. I'm bummed. Ian Lara. Are you garbage guys? Yeah, they're not coming this year. Why aren't they coming? They were just busy.

Starting point is 00:55:51 Everyone's touring now, so everyone. Somebody else. You know, fucking, you can't get everyone every year. They'll be back next year, but they're good. You can get me every year. You guys are family. It's different. The family we get every year.

Starting point is 00:56:04 What unfamily member gets a suite David Dylan, it's somebody big big. Yeah somebody versus Shane Shane. It's somebody big relax guys Information about the the lineups right now who's gonna be doing real-life podcast with us on Thursday cuz I'm doing Thursday and Friday We're not doing real-life podcast Thursday anymore. What are we doing? We're opening with story wars now Great, so that was so fun. Why don't we do the regs doing story wars? Hey Well, I'm not there Thursday, I got there Thursday, but doing the regs Friday. Oh, yeah Friday Friday You're not there Saturday. Nope Saturday morning fuck that's what we're doing the regs Friday.

Starting point is 00:56:45 Yeah, very, very special guest coming in Saturday. Oh, I know who it is. Very special guest. That would have been great for you to be around for. If I, if I guess it, will you? Shut up. I know who it is. I'll tell you after.

Starting point is 00:56:55 If I guess it. It's not for the fans. I know who it is. Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy. There's a bunch of really fun special guests coming this year. Eddie Griffin. They got him a bunch of years in special guests coming Eddie Griffin. They got him

Starting point is 00:57:12 Shit who's not sweet a lot of people have sweets. I don't I don't You guys gotta just when they treat family when you book you you got to tell Christine Rebecca. Hey, can I get a sweet? Well, I just every year just give me the same room. I gotta renew my fucking sweet thing We give you more money every year. Every year. I didn't get more money. Yeah, you did. I actually. On more money.

Starting point is 00:57:30 I didn't get more money at all. I think you've been overpaid for a few years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are you going on vacation? Actually, I had to pay money for my ticket. The tickets were nuts.

Starting point is 00:57:42 They were, I got mine a while ago. Yeah, if you buy them now, it's crazy. When I booked the gig on Sunday that I had to pay money for my ticket. The tickets were nuts. I got mine a while ago. If you buy them now, it's crazy. When I booked the gig on Sunday that I had to come back for, I was like, let me get my Skank Facts ticket. I had to fucking drop some of my own cash into it. I had to drop a G to get the ticket. Mine was a thousand bucks. Yeah, because you want to fly first class.

Starting point is 00:57:58 Buy it's Comfort Plus. A thousand bucks. If I didn't, Comfort Plus would have been $500 less. Comfort Plus was, it didn't make sense. Many years ago, buying cigars online wasn't as easy as we've made it at Small Batch Cigar. While you could find a great selection, you never knew how the cigars were going to be treated before they arrived at your doorstep. The process was less than ideal and many dry and cracked cigars were shipped the cheapest and slowest way

Starting point is 00:58:26 possible. Andrew set out to revolutionize the experience in 2012 and reverse engineer it, starting with how he would want to receive cigars in the mail. He wanted lightning fast shipping on every order that was absolutely free. He also wanted Boveda packs included in every box along with an abundance of bubble and plastic wrap to reduce damage. It needed to be as simple as finding what you want and knowing it would arrive quickly and safely right to your door. Simple, fast, small batch. They were the first online vendors to provide free shipping on every order along with free Bavita pouches in every single patch to ensure

Starting point is 00:59:07 freshness. Their customers also earn 5% rewards points on almost every order. Very few exceptions like limited cigars of the month, stuff like that. They also offer much more than just incredible selection of rare hard-to-find and limited edition cigars. For instance, they're so proud to be a Davidoff Hall of Fame retailer. Davidoff's are the best, top of the line, but that isn't who we are. We are an American's favorite online tobacconist because we offer the best customer experience on the planet. They're the best. They offer great cigar selection. It's awesome. Not just one brand or the brand that they like it's a are huge

Starting point is 00:59:48 selection of cigars you know love them make sure you check them out use code word regs discount code for ten percent off plus five percent reward points these are the best businesses do you think of people that are actual consumers of the products they make it the way they want it made that i don't see guys exactly that's how you know it's good these guys are true cigar smokers cigar guys and that's why you should support them use code rex are e g z with a discount code of ten percent off plus five percent rewards

Starting point is 01:00:17 points i also love any company's rewards points starbucks to get free drinks all the time you can get free shit here free shipping on every single order almost every order delivers in two to three days free boveda packs included with every purchase i have to buy those on amazon all the time they're so annoying before i found this company most thorough packaging in the industry use code regs for discount code up to ten percent off plus five percent reward points you want it they've got it small batch cigars yeah i love them i love them. I love them. They gotta get some. They gotta send you some Joe

Starting point is 01:00:47 Please haven't send you none. Maybe maybe me and Lewis are getting yours. Something's up. Yes small batch I I've been booking first class lately and it's just not worth it. It's just not worth it Whoa, it's not well if you're if you get up in the medallions like with Delta you just book comfort plus they'll fucking No, no, I do the same thing. No, no, no, I always, I do the same thing. So I'm United, I'm United and they upgrade me, I'd say a third of the time. United. United.

Starting point is 01:01:14 Hilarious. No, no, it's good, it's good. Who would you take a bus to work? That's fun. Do you know what I'm saying? The United first class sucks dick, dude. United sucks. It's a shitty great plane with no line. Cause you fly a bus to work. That's fun. Do you know what I'm saying? The United First Class sucks dick, dude. United's a shitty great plane with new lines. Cause you fly in a Newark.

Starting point is 01:01:28 I fly in a Newark, it's a whole hub. Oh, the lounges suck. Newark sucks, the lounge sucks. By the way, when I was flying out of Newark during the pandemic, one day I showed up to fly and they go, we're not doing TSA pre-check today. I was like, what? They're like, who's not doing it?

Starting point is 01:01:41 Sorry. I go, what am I? I packed like, I had like stuff in my bags and stuff. They go, take it out. It was wild. LaGuardia has the eye thing now, which is the fact. LaGuardia sucks.

Starting point is 01:01:51 People gotta be on there. Don't mention it. Everything's fucked. TSA, LaGuardia is the. Best port. It's the airport of the future. Best airport in America. It's the best airport in the world.

Starting point is 01:02:01 Not even close. But their TSA sucks because of all the clear shit and everything, it's all jammed up. They have TSA, clear, and the digital. Shut the fuck up! All right, sorry, that's all they have. Shut the fuck up! They don't have anything else.

Starting point is 01:02:14 There's nothing easy about it. There's nothing easy about it. This is what happens. In fucking influencers and podcasts, just go, this is what you gotta do if you wanna get through, and then next time I go there to fly to Oklahoma City, fucking funny bone. They called you influenza. This story. Yeah, you have flu head. This is what you got to do if you want to get through fat and the next time I go there to Funny bone called you influenza

Starting point is 01:02:35 Just shut up about all right, I won't mention the digital I think that's faster Go sky priority if you can sky party is not as it's not anything. It's not far as a joke sky That's why you got your Sky Priority. That's why you guys are- I spent the amateur hour over here. That's why you guys are- I got United to discuss priority. I know what you're saying because everybody's going that way. Look at this fucking moron. I get through Sky Priority in three minutes and I get my TSA with it.

Starting point is 01:02:51 The thing he's talking about is 10 seconds. 10 seconds. You're talking about the one by DeClear? Retinal. You just go- Dude, you go like this. You walk up, you go bang, and he goes, see you later.

Starting point is 01:03:01 Zero people in line. He goes, great, we've just cloned you. Are you talking about- I don't give a shit. Not giving your ticket or ID? You don't give them anything. They have that at Newark too. They don't have a digital. When you get to the, when you get to the, it's just a guy looking in your eyes he goes yeah you good. He goes, all right, all right, all right, where you flying to? He grabs your balls, he goes cough a couple times. Yeah he goes, my man. Say clank. Shit. Give him a kn good? You good? All right, you good?

Starting point is 01:03:25 I'm gonna look, Clance, we got another one. And he goes, oh, this boy on drugs. Have a good flight. LaGuardia's the best. No, I swear Newark has it where it's like a thing like this and it's just a thing that takes a picture of your face, right? What is it like?

Starting point is 01:03:40 Like this. Yeah. Like an oval. You're like a caveman explaining the stars. Uh, uh, uh. Uh. Uh. Like an oval. You're like a caveman explaining the stars. Uh, ah, uh, meh, zing zing. Hey man, that ain't nothing but Leroy. He ain't even working here.

Starting point is 01:03:53 That ain't nothing but a thing. Chicken wing, you good? JFK is the fucking worst. You good, brother man? JFK, you have to take, when you get a car at JFK, you have to take a shuttle to another fucking star. And they're rude as fuck at JFK. I wish they would shoot everyone in the head at JFK when JF have to take a shuttle to another fucking spot. And they're rude as fuck at JFK. Oh they suck.

Starting point is 01:04:06 I wish they would shoot everyone in the head at JFK when JFK got killed. Wow. Yeah. You're in a JFK, it's crazy how much they are just like, why are you bothering me? Chicago was insane. I've been to the Chicago airport like three times

Starting point is 01:04:17 in the past like two weeks. Oh hair? Yeah, Leo. Oh hair is terrible. Oh hair is terrible airport. It's nuts. I'm flying in there next week and I'm like. Miami is the worst, one of the worst airports

Starting point is 01:04:25 If not the worst in the country top three top three worst Miami Miami airports Miami Fucking say why I'll tell you why I'll say my go ahead I got mine already because we can't just name cities without any other context give the reason we just the worst We're saying the middle of the fucking that's okay Fucking Aaron Rod story. Last week, whatever story, the baseball story was pretty great. I jumped around. I was a pick six. I thought before that was off the hands. I was in my head. Crazy. I was, I was high stepping to the end. I'll take this. Just Mrs. Bonfire.

Starting point is 01:05:14 take this. I was like, back, gimme that. Crazy. You and Big J are the worst. I just had to fight for my mic time. Just give me my fucking mic time. Hey Dan, it's okay. We'll give you your mic time. Dan is a fucking battered woman. I say Atlanta is fucking terrible because how big it is. It's how black it is. You guys have to hear it. So black. Let's just say there's a lot of public face timing going on. Lots of riff raff at the airport. And Linda used to be the best cause they had smoking.

Starting point is 01:05:37 You could smoke, which I fucking loved. You could just lie. I lit up a cigar and one of them, I got, I got shit for it. But yeah, you're only allowed to smoke Newport's though. Is that a Lucy? Yeah. I'm not sure. because they had smoking. You could smoke, which I fucking loved. You could just, I lit up a cigar and went, I got shit for it. But. Yeah, you're only allowed to smoke Newports though.

Starting point is 01:05:47 Yeah. Is that a Lucy? Go ahead. Oh, Atlanta sucks. Yo, let me finish that for you. Yeah. I think Atlanta sucks is as big. Miami sucks because it's just a fucking old airport

Starting point is 01:05:58 and they, nothing works. Even, I remember I had a, you know the people movers? Yeah. None of them on. None of them. I had to walk three miles. people movers? Yeah. None of them on. None of them. I had to walk three miles. They're not called people movers. They're not called people movers.

Starting point is 01:06:08 I thought you were talking about the people that push the people in the... I thought you meant ice. Travelators? Is that what they're called? I mean, they're detecting... Moving walkways. They're people movers.

Starting point is 01:06:17 They're not people movers. They're people, what? What's that? They're called people movers at Disneyland. Oh. It is a moving walkway. It's a moving walkway that moves what guys what what does it move luggage? It does not what does it move?

Starting point is 01:06:32 kids to Disney Old Orchard Beach all the way Stop it. God, it's not a penny arcade. Oh my god. It's gonna bring his kids to ride playland Those kids gonna have a bunch of squished pennies with fucking Maine on it No, they can hang out the toy section the grocery store I'll get them when I'm ready Dude, that's a sad thing ever. We're being a kid like I Couldn't even get toys from the toy section of the grocery store. Like my mom would hit me for asking. Yeah

Starting point is 01:07:00 They're the shittiest toys. Yeah, they're the worst. Sarah's good What so is going on his honeymoon to Rockland County? Sarah soda soda. I don't want the sneeze Nana By the way, the worst airport begins and ends with Denver by far Denver's not that bad It's an hour and a half from downtown and the longest lines and it's not been updated in 50 years I think I would say fuck you, I would say Atlanta, Miami, LA. LAX sucks a dick. To get picked up, to get an Uber at LAX, it's hell.

Starting point is 01:07:32 I got a trick though, Uber Black can come and pick you up at the door. Oh really? Uber Black, don't tell anybody. Well now, here we go, here we go. This isn't fucking Protect Our Parks. Listen, Uber Black can pick you up. If you pay for the uber black,

Starting point is 01:07:47 they'll pick you up at the gate. That's a good one. Good trick. Three worst air, you didn't even say any of my three. Detroit. Detroit's airport, if you have a layover. Blacks. If you have a layover in the Detroit airport,

Starting point is 01:08:01 there's a theme with all these airports. You fucking Dudley boys? Hey Louis, pick it up on my dog whistle. No, Detroit. Every place she has her name in it. A layover, Detroit is the worst in the world because they'll be like, oh yeah, your flight is down at the other end and you have 15 minutes to get there. They do have a tram that stops conveniently 15 gates before mine so it doesn't stop exactly it does stop in weird places there's usually so there's usually a fist fight

Starting point is 01:08:28 on the tram on the way yeah you got to worry about the break dancing there's a lot going on Dallas big words Dallas Fort Worth sucks it's just a shit airport just everything you walk around that giant circle there's nothing yeah it sucks is now they have a brooks brooks brothers does nothing for me and then JFK I put JFK is one of the worst airports in the United States JFK is bad no Delta has a great lounge huge beautiful now does it shake shack which is great no it's not as good as LaGuardia the line at Shake Shack is good luck can I tell you something too the the fucking Delta lounge at JFK now there's a line yeah it's one in one out like a fucking day and they treat you like shit it's

Starting point is 01:09:14 annoying I was there like and it's all the way the fuck down at 39 JFK sucks but Denver is if you're not at 40 or 30, you're fucked. Makes no sense. And also there's a dunking right there. I can just grab my dunking. Fuck you. Let's do plugs real quick guys and let's change the subject

Starting point is 01:09:31 because I think we're getting a little... Thank you, Louis, for fucking telling us what we're doing good and bad. I'm out of hours. You know, I'm the point guard of podcasts. I move things on. I always said that. Dan, did you check the time?

Starting point is 01:09:42 You need to stop. Why? Nobody likes it. Everyone hates it. Bobby You need to stop. Nobody likes it. Everyone hates it. Bobby handed me the clock. Everyone hates it. Wow, you just fucking hucked me under the bus. Wow.

Starting point is 01:09:52 Just stand up for who you are. You're the timekeeper. Is that a bus? Own it. Psh. I was like, what is that? Oh, it's a bus. Oh, that's an air brake.

Starting point is 01:10:01 Oh, that's pretty good. Oh, you know what? That's pretty goddamn cool. Who is this's pretty good. Oh, you know what? That's pretty goddamn cool. Who is this first? Is this Dan? No. Joe? Oh, geez. Yeah, this weekend I'm in Portland, Oregon, one of my favorite cities. Best room in the country. Favorite clubs. I absolutely love it. So be there. And then Philly Helium October 2nd, 3rd. Oh, don't know if youapolis india plus september twenty one nineteen to the twenty's first and of course skank fest

Starting point is 01:10:27 then philly helium october second third fourth fifth and uh... royal oak we can have that and then big news october tenth is uh... the new york city premier of tom dustin portrait of a comedian s come on out to that this limited tickets available to small theater and uh... made a feature film what day is on out to that. There's limited tickets available. It's a small theater and I made a feature film. What day is that on? Thursday, October 10th. Let me know if you guys want to come. Yeah, I'm in Houston, but that I'm excited to see that movie. Can I get a little cut of it? That's gonna be, I'm gonna charge people on Punch Up Live so you can buy it there when it comes out. Just kidding, I'll send it to you. Where is it gonna be playing? Village East Cinema. Can you get me a T-shirt?

Starting point is 01:11:03 And a Skankfest. Yeah, Ron Bennington's doing a q&a it's gonna be a first that's playing at skank fest that's the world I don't I'm good I was here first world premiere at skank fest and then October 10th and then November 9th town hall oh I almost forgot October 27 shooting a new special very prolific whoo where very prolific Rosemont zany's October 27 all right yeah it's gonna be fun the group i'm excited so that'll be fucking great a lot of big things holy shit balls political who's next

Starting point is 01:11:31 uh... i will be at skank fest of course is coming out wednesday i'll see it's going fast and then in october the tenth through the twelfth i will be at the houston improv and then i'll be at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City, October 17th through the 19th, and just like the fair, Joe List said, New York Comedy Fest, November 8th,

Starting point is 01:11:57 I will be at Town Hall at 9.45, get your tickets. Tickets are going, and then dansolder.com for other dates throughout the year and listen to Soder and subscribe to my YouTube channel. I love you. I love you so much. Who's next? I'll go. This weekend I will be in Atlanta on Thursday night, Orlando on Friday night, Virginia Beach on Saturday night and then Legion of Scang's live at the Creek and Cave in Austin. These shows are going to sell out.

Starting point is 01:12:26 We have great lineups. One night only two shows, 6 PM, 8 PM, that's September 22, then obviously Scang Fest. But October's going to get real busy as well. I got Houston coming up, Sacramento, San Francisco, Portland, Oregon for the first time ever, Portland, Maine for the first time ever, Boston, Baltimore, New Britain, Connecticut.

Starting point is 01:12:44 It's all on my website. And a bunch more open till the end of the year. I have dates non-stop So if you don't see it up there Let me know where you want me to come hit me up check out all my other podcasts legion of skanks real ass podcasts and story wars available on all platforms including gas digital and But but but but yeah, that's that you're doing I'm gonna be at shut your face. I'm gonna be Cleveland hilarities on the 20th and the 21st Of September and then I'm going of course to skankfest and then I'm gonna be at co-host New York October 5th at the co-host music hall and then I'm going to San Diego mic drop October 11th and 12th

Starting point is 01:13:22 The 16th I'm going to Minneapolis to ACME Comedy Club, 16th, 17th, and 18th, one of the great clubs, one of my favorite clubs. It's unbelievable. And then I'm gonna, I think I'm there, the 19th too, I'm there for a while. Point Pleasant October 24th, 25th, Dennellen, New Jersey, at the Dennellen Theater, and then I'm back

Starting point is 01:13:44 at Point Pleasant the end of October, November. I'm all over the place. So go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly and join up there. It will actually tell you where I'm going to be closest to you if you join there. Punchup.live. It's great. So go there. I got my special up there kill box. Oh Some of my podcast the star roast podcast that YouTube fucking douched is up there unedited And also make sure you check out bone to pick with me and Paul Verzi and I'm on the bonfire With big Jay on serious 103 faction talk And I'm actually in October. I'm gonna be filming comedy camp up in Canada. It's a It's official

Starting point is 01:14:26 Remember you said I could do it. Yeah, you're gonna do it She said you're gonna do it. It's gonna go where the comedians Louis J Gomez no Jim Norton Wow great Yamanika great and Bobby Lee. Okay. Well, yeah, you're closest friends, of course. You guys couldn't do it. Your schedules were all booked. You're gone.

Starting point is 01:14:52 You didn't ask any of us. Yeah, but we looked at your schedules. No you didn't. I did. No you didn't. Yeah, we did. You think I want to cancel Bonkers Comedy Club? No offense, Orlando.

Starting point is 01:15:06 Bonkers is such a fucking funny name. Bonkers is sad to announce Louis Jacob has had to move his date. I had to move my date to film a television show. Is that real? That's real. That's where I'm at Friday night. Bonkers Comedy Club in Orlando. That's fucking bonkers.

Starting point is 01:15:23 My favorite fake comedy club is, follow what I always say. Yeah, I met Skid Mox in Buffalo. Made me laugh every single time. That's fun. Anyway, so come see us live. Make sure you, a lot of regs came out this week in Phoenix. There were a lot of regs fans. Nice.

Starting point is 01:15:41 Dead. Dead. Dead. You know what? Dead. Oh, yeah, I'll say this. When you come see me on the road, bring like four or five friends. So Oh, yeah, I'll say this when you come see me on the road Bring like four or five friends. Yeah, that's what I'll say. Oh bring 50 to town hall The amount of people that show up with one guy just in a fucking black skank shirt this like

Starting point is 01:16:05 You're his friend 15 or 16 what I have one guy with a Voss shirt on. Yeah, that's so funny. Legend. I remember Snobro's time, but he did Carolines when Comtown was blowing up and him and Nick did Carolines. He's like, they had 100% single tickets. There was no groups of four.

Starting point is 01:16:20 It was like, Jerry, one, Bob, one. Yeah, dude, it's fucking crazy. And I feel so good about being on the road and touring right now. It was like Jerry one Bob. Yeah, dude. It's fucking crazy and I like I like I Feel so good about like being on the road and touring right now And I look at that I see this I was like if just all ten of you brought three friends this show would be sold Out if those people had three friends. They wouldn't listen to your podcast True I have friends I listen to it. Well, I don't listen to it, but I'm on it. Yeah I'm on the podcast. It is a very simple to fill these rooms for fans They could just bring you know, just two or three friends. That's all you need to I know I think putting it on one

Starting point is 01:16:53 I'm why they think I'm gonna be like fucking like Legion of Skanks like over that. It's not like that It's fucking I promise you it come out in a sweater Did you guys read the Wall Street Journal today? No, it like I think they're afraid like their girlfriends are going to be like offended or fucking like not one, not like it. I promise you, your girlfriend's going to fucking love it. They're going to have a great time. Bring your girlfriends, bring their friends, bring groups. They probably did. And that's why they're coming alone now.

Starting point is 01:17:16 I stand up. The wives like it more. The girlfriends are like, you're so fucking funny. And then guys are like, it didn't sound like the podcast You fucking piece of shit It's better than looking out and just seeing a bunch of use in the audience Just a bunch of ball guys Use use like like a llama like too, you fucking asshole. Oh yeah, use a few. Ah, dude, it's just what you use.

Starting point is 01:17:53 Have you guys heard my helicopter? Laugh at me, you fucking sheep. You fucking look at me. What are you, a clone? That's a sheep picking a helicopter. Bobby starts counting them, he starts falling asleep. Four, five, I'm fucking getting woozy, dude. He's trying to get the numbers for the night. He's like, all right, so how many you?

Starting point is 01:18:06 I got a clicker, dude. We got one, two, three. 17. 18. The coder goes, works every time. No, I don't have the bonus. This is a good bit. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:18:19 It's a bonus. It's a bonus. It's a bonus. It's a bonus. It's a bonus. It's a bonus. It's a bonus. No, I don't have to bonus him. This is a good fit. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:18:29 I'm falling asleep. Look it up. I wish I could get high. Oh fuck, that's a good fit. Look at these two fucking potheads. Look at them. I'm sorry dude. Just, I mean this is fucking. You fall asleep counting. Look at him. I'm sorry, dude. Just, yeah.

Starting point is 01:18:45 I mean, this is fucking. You fall asleep counting sheep is very funny. It's objectively funny. You're laughing like it's the funniest thing ever said. I don't know why she hit me in my core. She's just going, 18. Oh, dude, I got it. Give me a second.

Starting point is 01:19:01 I got it. No, Rick, you're not going to rip me off this time. I'm going to count all the sheep. He said Rick. He said Rick. Joe, that's it. Give me a second. I got it. No Rick, you're not going to rip me off this time. I'm going to count all the sheets. He said Rick. He said Rick. Joe hates it. But God damn, I love it. Sometimes I can't follow it. I don't know what the bet. I never know. Don't worry. It's almost over.

Starting point is 01:19:15 You need to stop. Die keeper. They hate it. They hate the timekeeper bit. Who cares what they hate or like? We're not doing this because they- We literally do it so they like it. Yeah, well we do it.

Starting point is 01:19:24 They like it because we've never given a fuck. We literally do it so they like it, I swear. Yeah, well we do it, they like it because we've never given a fuck. We just do what we do. But we do. Stop putting fucking bumpers on the fucking rails. No, that's a bumper on the rail, give me a time limit. That's not a bumper, that's a- No, no, no, let me just say this.

Starting point is 01:19:36 That's a- And I really mean this. Oh God, here we go. And I really mean this. Oh God. Let me say it. Here we go, here we go. He's trying to pull back, he was gonna be serious.

Starting point is 01:19:43 No, no, no. He's trying to adjust right there. No, no, no, I'm being serious. He's calling an audible, he's getting sillier. No was gonna be serious trying to adjust right now I'm being here you're calling an audible no still here everybody is what to be a jack Lewis is about to be serious he felt himself this is the part they love and I appreciate it they love when I get serious when I say that we should not have a time limit on the show if we're fucking rolling and crushing it we should just go and not be looking at the clock I just want to know where I think at. Think about the clock. We never ever cut the show. We go until it's over. No, we don't. We cut it in an hour and a half every week.

Starting point is 01:20:10 No? No. Last, well last episode, if you recall, we had hard outs and then we started- We had hard hours. We had hard hours. Oh shit. We started 40 minutes late because somebody was very, very late and that person was late again today. Yeah. I'm sorry. And always is late. But's late but sometimes we have hard odds. I have a baby. My wife's been with my child all day. I gotta go but I'm not even looking at that. I gotta go mentally prepared for this 49ers Jets game at home. Oh,

Starting point is 01:20:34 is Aaron Rodgers playing? Yep. That's exciting. So, it's Christian McCaffrey. I know that guy. Friends? Ah, and I wouldn't say friends. You know him though? Ah, we met very briefly. Where? In LA. Open for Shane. We walked back and he's like, oh that was great man. And I was like, thanks bro.

Starting point is 01:20:50 Damn. I have a good topic. Oh. Ooh. I will say that your topic is usually the worst one out of everybody's. No, that makes me feel good. To be fair. If I said that to you.

Starting point is 01:21:00 Real fucking nice. I actually had a great. That would be a lie. I have a great topic. Why would you lie to everyone? I had a great topic. I always have. A couple weeks ago. I had I actually had a girl real lie. I have a great time Why would you lie to I had a great time? I always have a couple weeks ago. I had a great topic Classic You're gonna stop cutting people's knees out before they get going you're the killer of creativity How are you supposed to say I'm a point out a podcasting but killer creative is a great point that launches the ball

Starting point is 01:21:28 into the fucking seat yeah Bobby's open up the board you just whip into the third row I just kicked it to the hole what person says that before you're about to say it. I roof the ball. You know who you are? You're the no point guard. Yeah. Woo. Sorry. Fine, Bobby. You're not going to talk. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Starting point is 01:21:52 Please, please, Bobby, please. No. I want to hear this. I love it. No. Because I'm going to tell you right now, where I was about, because I'm being very self-conscious about cutting in on the mic can i was rude

Starting point is 01:22:06 uh... i was going to defend you and say i have the worst topics storm-chasing that was the best is the greatest great topic sports and you know i i i i i i i you know is a great topic i had you put it in a place please bobby please now i thought i i i i i i i i i needed a lot of so bad joe and dan i bobby i needed i needed plaza david and lewis give a question of the head I need it. So Joe and Dan Bobby, I need it. I need it. Please give it to me. Do you have a question? I forgot what I was gonna say. Dude, please, please hit us with your topics. Not you. I genuinely

Starting point is 01:22:34 really want to hear. I got it. I got it. I need it. I want to hear it. Bobby, I need it in my tight little bussy. Now, not you, Louis. I cannot you me. Bobby, Bobby, I was just busting your walls as you said before when I said, oh, why are we trashing Joe's house? You're like, that's what we do. So that's what we do. So I'm just trashing your shitty topic preemptively. I don't like that your sorry is not a sorry. I'm not saying sorry. Where did you get an apology at? Also, it's not a house. It's a very small overpriced apartment in a dangerous neighborhood. No,

Starting point is 01:23:06 you're buying a condo in a co-op. I'm not buying it. I'm ready. We saw purchasing. You said purchase in that. That's because we use a template. Yeah, I'm a template. I'm a template for bullshit with the typo and the you said that. Yeah, I fucked up. You said buying. Yeah, you sent that to the people that you're with the typo

Starting point is 01:23:28 and Liz signed it, but you know what? That could be a miscommunication with Liz. She's think you're buying it. Yeah. Just looks like Liz is an idiot. It's a moron. All right. What's the topic? I got to hear it. I'm dying to hear it. I'm really excited about it. Lewis apologize. That was a Puerto Rican apology. Yeah. Say you're sorry. I'm not sorry. It's not for me to say I'm sorry. I think this is our best episode. This is a good one. We're having fun. What is the topic, Robert?

Starting point is 01:23:53 Okay, you ready? Yeah. He said it's a great topic. Now remember, God, I need it. You know what? I'm out. I'm out. Nope.

Starting point is 01:24:01 Nope. I was right there and now I'm out. Now I'm fucking out. And I'm out for good. I didn't say it was bad. I was just reminding everyone that I'm out. Now I'm fucking out. And I'm out for good. I was just reminding everyone that it was a great topic. You're a fucking killer of creativity. You can't deal with the pressure. I can deal with the fucking pressure.

Starting point is 01:24:13 I'm a pressure cooker, that's what they call me. Don't try to fucking. I'm the pressure cooker. Don't try to fucking. You're trying to do nicknames too much. Dude, they put the lid on. No you're not. I was at the marathon bombing as we all remember.

Starting point is 01:24:24 I'm a survivor, so I don't really appreciate the pressure cooker jokes. I was there too. No you weren't. I was at the fucking porthole pub in Lynn when it happened. No you weren't. We were doing this podcast. Joe was actually up there because we have the episode podcast where he says he's a survivor. Dude I was eight miles away. You weren't up there. I was having a lobster roll at the fucking porthole pub with my uncle Mike. Say that five times fast. I was having a lobster roll with my uncle Mike at the porthole pub. That's like a set you I was Now say I'm at the Porter how I forget it no, no, you go Dan. What's your no no no no no I Kind of want another topic now. Oh you do. Mm-hmm. That feels good. Okay. Okay

Starting point is 01:25:04 Okay beg for it. I'm back in. Suck my cock for this topic. Beg. If you don't say this topic, I'm gonna check the clock. Wow. I'll topic it. You know what?

Starting point is 01:25:16 You go. I'll do a topic. Go ahead, do a topic. I'll put one off the dome. Go do it. Off the, no, don't look at your phone. Don't look at your phone. What are you doing?

Starting point is 01:25:23 Put your phone down. Lewis? He's a fucking,? Put your phone down. Lewis. He's a fucking, I mean, Jesus Christ. Lewis. What an asshole. Hi Chat GPT. Wait, hold on. Hold on.

Starting point is 01:25:34 Do you need water to cool down? That's good. Hi Chat GPT. Are you using the Earth's water to cool down? It sounds like you're referring to using water to cool down after high activity. No, you fucking idiot. I'm not talking about that idiot.

Starting point is 01:25:53 Lewis is the only person racist to chat. Chat GPT. What are you, Chinese? Do we use a lot of water to cool down? Hey, Luis, what's up? Do we use a lot of water to cool down AI computers? Yeah, large data centers that power AI, like the ones that run servers and cloud computing, use a lot of water for cooling. These data centers generate a massive

Starting point is 01:26:22 amount of heat due to the high level of computing power and Water is an efficient way to cool down the systems There are several cooling. All right fuckface. He just keeps going by the way. Ask if you should vote for Trump. Can I Find out your topic. Yeah, you can. Oh, that was what you do. No, what's your topic? Hey chat GPT I'm hanging out with my friends, Dan Soder, Joe List, and Robert Kelly, and we're doing our podcast, The Regs. Can you give us a fun topic that we can talk about?

Starting point is 01:26:53 Nothing to do with cancel culture or any of the generic stuff that everyone else talks about on podcasts. A fun question that could really have us riff and have some fun with. You're a gay wad. You're dumb Do a little work. This job is so easy. Why don't you do any work?

Starting point is 01:27:19 9-eleven We should talk about 9-eleven. Yeah, we should talk about it. What's your talk? You live at ground zero. Not yet. Those ghosts. Dude, your ghost activity is going to be off the charts. You remember they were giving away free rent for two years down there? Yeah, then now you have melzophilioma and you can sue them.

Starting point is 01:27:36 Now you have to write a queer letter to get in there. That's wild. Are you afraid about the ghosts? No, I don't believe in ghosts because I'm an adult. What the fuck was that? It was a ghost. It was a ghost. Is it that? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:27:50 No, man, the ghost really was watching you. Fuck you. Something just touched you? No. He just flicked your ear. Do you believe you? Fucking pussy, I'm real. Ah, fuck dude.

Starting point is 01:27:59 Do you believe in any ghosts? No. Why, you believe in ghosts? Yeah. You do? No, you don't. Yeah, I't. Why do you believe in ghosts? Because he's adult. He's an adult. He just made that joke. I know, I did it twice. Oh, okay. I was like, what the fuck is going on? We're a little weird today. But I like it. Are you guys struggling to get the much needed sleep you deserve? Yeah. Bobby, Joe, you both got kids, you made poor decisions.

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Starting point is 01:29:00 With their new dreams, new dreams formulations, they're cooking up some dreams for you Joe absolutely these dreams formulations now have passion flower and L I never had to say this word theanine theanine sounds right and via now offers two five and ten milligram options as well as their zero milligram Zen allowing you to customize your sleep journey not just specific to sleep via awful also offers a wide array of other gummies with and without THC ranging from zero milligrams to a hundred milligrams. Dan, can you translate what does that mean? It means that you can get

Starting point is 01:29:35 gummies that don't have weed in them. So Bobby, who in both you guys are sober, so you guys don't have to get the THC ones but if you like to cut loose a little bit like Lewis and I you can get some THC with 20 milligrams, 40 milligrams and all that. So whether you're looking to improve your sleep focus and have little pep in your step, maybe just some basic recovery, VIA has something for you. And the best part is VIA legally ships to all 50 states in discrete packaging directly to your door with a worry-free guarantee. No medical card required.

Starting point is 01:30:05 Yeah, you heard that right. You don't need to go get a medical card. Legal shipping right to your door in every state. So if you're 21 and over, check out our link to Viya's website in our description for 15% off. If you're 21 and over, check out the link to Viya in our description and use the code REGZ to receive 15% off after your purchase last where you heard about him please support our show and tell them that we sent you please please get the rest you deserve with dreams from via nice you really believe in ghosts what why what everyone loves is a ghost so if you believe in God you believe in ghosts yeah that was a good one yeah stepped on Joe he was

Starting point is 01:30:44 good I didn't step on anything he stepped on my feelings I think if you believe in god you believe in ghosts that was a good one you stepped on joe i didn't step on anything he stepped on my feelings i don't think if you believe in god you believe in ghosts necessarily i think so it's the holy ghost holy spirit he's the ultimate ghost yeah he's top ghost boss level ghost god's the top ghost god wasn't alive and now dead

Starting point is 01:31:00 god you don't know that right i'm saying some people don't you don't believe in god but but you believe in God believe in God You believe in God and ghosts You believe in God, yeah, you believe in God I'd rather not say Wow Read your mind if he's real I believe in the truth of gay thoughts. The truth is, pull out your penis and play with it.

Starting point is 01:31:26 I'm God and I'm a sick puppy. You don't believe in God, right? No. You believe in ghosts? No. What do you believe? I believe in the almighty dollars. This guy.

Starting point is 01:31:35 This guy. I believe in this guy. Capitalism and pussy. Yeah, dude. I've always been atheist. I don't really, I remember when I was a little little kid I remember I would I wouldn't jerk off on like Christmas and Easter because good my Catholic guilt would like get to me and I Was like well if God is real. It's a real fucking fuck you to him from beating my dick or he's going like dude

Starting point is 01:31:56 It's my birthday. Have fun. What if he did see you and that's why you took your parents damn Oh my gosh, you beat off on Easter? That's your dad. Learn the lesson. Well, the guy doesn't learn his lesson. Mom too. Yeah dude, I wouldn't beat off on Easter or Christmas. But that was the most I ever believed in God. That was like my peak believing in God. I'm like nine being like,

Starting point is 01:32:14 all right, don't touch yourself. God's watching. There's some monk. Just like, oh, all right. I know that. When somebody dies in my family, my grandma, I don't jerk off for like two months. You sit shiva with your dick?

Starting point is 01:32:24 I just feel like she's watching. I sit shiva. Just don't touch your penis or look at it in a mirror. Yeah, I feel like she can see. I do it for her. I go, this is the thing you made. Oh. Too far, Dan.

Starting point is 01:32:40 I'm that turtle coming. Yeah, no, I've been atheist almost my whole life. Damn dude, that's fucking metal. Never really bought it. I don't really know if I, I don't believe in religion. I believe in God. Oh, Dan's has like a woman. No, I'm agnostic. Dan has a woman's perspective on religion. He believes in energies and crystals. Yeah, I love that you're such a retard that it's just a chick's way of thinking that I have any depth to my Louis that I watched the moment.

Starting point is 01:33:11 I watched his eyes change. When his character partner called him as idiot, that was retarded to real. It's the company of your eyes. Then I was like, ooh. You know like, good actors can do with their eyes? Oh man. Oh he really felt that.

Starting point is 01:33:32 Even I did, I was like, well I'm sorry dude. God forgive me. My god. My god. You think god condones that behavior Dan? I think we're little bugs on a rock. I don't think we understand what okay Joe Rogan. Whoa That'd be pretty sick. I was so much money. I have you killed

Starting point is 01:33:51 One of my Navy SEALs murder you They gave me Rogan's bank account. Good luck finding me. I'd be in New Zealand at a compound It's a lot of money just plain NC. Did I have a bill or something? He's got cartel money That's why he's got that security did I take as the last time I did Rogan the story of the guy outside I made an ass out of myself I got there early and I was like I got a coffee and I got to Rogan studio too early and I'm standing there and I was trying to find the ways to get in the studio you know like in the email yeah and I couldn't find it I was standing in front of the

Starting point is 01:34:23 door and then I just hear this guy go can I help you? I did the same thing and there's this is security He was in full camouflage I was like he's like can I help you and's gonna hit in the net with a dart. Shhh. I was like, he's like, can I help you? And I turned around and I went, I'm here for Joe Rogan. I'm here for the Joe Rogan experience. And he goes, what? What? It made me feel so stupid.

Starting point is 01:34:54 That same thing happened to me. I was out front. I showed up an hour early cause I misread the fucking email. Yeah. And a guy just came out of the bushes. And he was like, Mr. Kelly? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:35:03 And then he took me for coffee. Really? Yeah, we hung out at a coffee shop. I love those guys. They're fucking, you can tell how tough they are. When I do it, they make me meet them in the desert, like miles away. They put a bag over my head.

Starting point is 01:35:14 A blindfold and a bag. A casino. Jay's smoking out the window, fine. You're the only one with that on there. I just wanna talk about Jiu Jitsu. Would you get security if you were that on there. I just want to talk about Jiu-Jitsu. Would you get security if you were that big? I think you have to. I think it's like he's like 5'6", not that big.

Starting point is 01:35:32 Well also, no. Joe Rogan? But he's got so much money that there's got to be actual threats. Well the guy actually said to me, we're not here to protect Joe from you, we're here to protect. You from Joe? That's so funny. Yeah, that's what he said.

Starting point is 01:35:45 He goes, we're here so he doesn't kill somebody. Cause he can fucking. Yeah. He has eight different styles of karate. Yeah, he's packing. He has a gun. Does he mind his cock? If you check the tape and watch my eyebrows go like this.

Starting point is 01:35:59 Wow. He is packing. He's packing. He's got big hands. Yeah, he's got gorilla mitts. What's your topic? If he was right now what topic it's becoming clear that Bobby never had I have I have well he's self-conscious about it because he knows he didn't know you make socks you instead of letting it flow you took the

Starting point is 01:36:18 knees out and you're the killer of creative I'm on killer creativity I'm gonna burn some sage and listen to the energy and I'm just gonna burn and I'm gonna let everyone know how I'm feeling. I feel like your diet in your 40s took your knees out. Prolific. Can you name your special that? Your next special Prolific I'm going to call it amateurlific. Joelific. Joelific. Joelific. Call it Joelific.

Starting point is 01:36:52 That's a great name for a special. That is good. That's a good name for a special. I love it. What's your topic? Fuck you, Dan. Tom. I have a best name ever for a crowd work special.

Starting point is 01:37:01 And I'm probably never going to do one, so I just told Jay that he should call it. And he didn't take it But if any of you guys want it, I'll take all jokes aside Was good It's a great name for a crowd works, but it is great. Yeah, no less all jokes aside. It's not bad buddy That could still yours your special name haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha Probably the best way to do it It's clear. I got I had one I had a nice one Do you think he had a topic and now he's just full I and he's trying to buy time to think I said I had

Starting point is 01:37:49 A topic ready to go into the topic an old fucking knee cutter came in and said Knee cut knee knee cutter, okay He's a dirty knee At least say knee cutter. Is it? Is it? Dude, knee cutter sort of sounds like the N word. It sounds like an African guy saying, you know, knee cutter. Oh, he calls me a knee cutter.

Starting point is 01:38:16 You're acting like a real knee cutter. Who am I? Who am I to you? A knee cutter. And they're back. I always felt that way with Niagara Falls was so close. Say it. Niagara. I always thought that was Nigeria.

Starting point is 01:38:34 Bobby. What? Topic. Fuck, no, your calm voice isn't going to work. Wait, I think they had a decent one though. If we could go back to any major event and I didn't hear what he said. And then they get silly. It was like a historical thing.

Starting point is 01:38:46 You guys could brainstorm ridiculous rewrites of history like what if Napoleon was obsessed with extreme sports instead of conquering Europe? No, before that there was something. You got kind of like that one. He's like, oh, they're giving us examples. So. You need one Harold of bungee jumping? If you could replace any historical event with something totally absurd or funny, what

Starting point is 01:39:03 would it be? That's a stupid thing. It's not good. No, they're not. They're not creative. They did a bad job writing my letter to the level. Yeah, they fucked that letter up. It was bad. Why would they? Why would they? I'll be surprised if you get that place. Chachi we do call me prolific. I'd be surprised if they sell you that apartment. Bobby, your topic actually, I'm gonna ask Chachi BD Bobby chat. Oh, your hotel? Actually, I'm going to ask Chet Chippity. Bobby, your hotel key.

Starting point is 01:39:26 Chet Chippity, would you describe comedian Joe List as prolific? Wow. He's big. I'd say Joe List is definitely prolific in the comedy world. He's consistently putting out high quality content, whether it's his stand up specials, appearances on podcasts, or working on projects like his film fourth of July with Luis. What the fuck?

Starting point is 01:39:49 And one of those comics who has been grinding for years with a steady output of new materials been grinding podcasts like Tuesdays with stories and Frequent appearances on shows and festivals Wow his work ethic and the amount of guy and he creates definitely qualify him as prolific This is unbelievable how good do you feel you know it's crazy is that gives me a window into what it's gonna Be like this chair. We have a friend Joe's wondering if we go get dinner later That's just he's also got really thick fingers now if that was the chicks voice I would follow that was a girl's no you can do it a girl's voice that was not a girl no that's a like a young teenager you guys remember the movie her with Joaquin Phoenix and someone made it like Jones yes Mike Jones made it but someone did a YouTube where they took clips from

Starting point is 01:40:38 Bill Burr's podcast and instead of her it was Burr and so it's just talking to Joaquin Phoenix in the trailer it's very very funny. He's like, you're a sick fuck. You got a hair lip, dad. It's, it's very good. Very funny. Do Lewis, do Lewis. I want to see, do you. We're going to see if we're all prolific according to Jet. This is going to hurt. This is going to take away from my compliment. Do you last? Would you consider comedian Robert Kelly prolific? Would you consider comedian Robert Kelly prolific would you consider comedian Robert Kelly that's right hold on I'll take a number two wait a minute with foam hang on a second get a clean one you guys can't talk while I'm doing it okay that's a good bit though would you consider comedian Robert Kelly prolific?

Starting point is 01:41:30 Yeah, Robert Kelly is definitely prolific. He's been in the comedy game for decades and has consistently put out stand-up specials, appeared on countless shows and podcasts, and built a strong presence in the comedy scene. His podcast, You Know What Dude, was one of the early ones in the comedy world, and he's been involved in a bunch of projects like the regs, acting roles, and live shows. Like Joe List, he's constantly working on something new, which makes him a pretty prolific comedian as well. Can you ask him what Bobby's topic was going to be? That's fucking crazy that it associated with Joe. That's nuts. Well, that's because it's the previous question.

Starting point is 01:42:05 Yeah, no, so all the data it takes in, as I feed it data, like it remembers things. Like I was asking for like date ideas and, I was literally, I sit in my hotel room and I talk to it, I was like, so what do you think I should, it's the loneliest shit I've ever heard in my life. Get a friend. Is Dad in heaven with you, Jack, Jimmy, dude?

Starting point is 01:42:21 Why don't you bring a friend with you on the road, dude? Yeah, bring a feature. Sometimes I do, but I don't like hanging a friend with you on the road, dude? Bring a feature. Sometimes I do, but I don't like hanging out with them all day. They can't answer questions like this. You hang out with chat GBT? Well, sometimes there's no judgment there. It's so funny where you go. Do Dan Soda.

Starting point is 01:42:37 Hold on, let's see. Talk to me. Do, why? It's probably going to jerk you off. Would you consider comedian, should I maybe take a different question? No. Instead of prolific, something different? Ask is the funniest of the four of us. Ooh, they're not going to have an opinion.

Starting point is 01:42:46 We've got to go through this first. Just do it. It's going to say the same thing though. Is comedian Dan Soder prolific? No. Dan Soder is definitely prolific too. He's consistently put out great comedy, whether it's through his stand-up specials his long-running role on billion Or his work on podcasts like the bonfire

Starting point is 01:43:10 He's already a show Material and projects not on any more presence in the comedy world for years His ability to balance stand-up acting and radio podcast work shows just how much he's contributed to the scene Making him prolific in his own right. Wow. In his own right. That was kind of a backhand compliment at the end. I think there's some heat there.

Starting point is 01:43:34 He's like, out of everyone, he's probably the least prolific. I mean, yeah. How do you define prolific? Excuse me, human master. Am I allowed to sigh? Alright, good, do you? And lastly, would you consider comedian Luis J. Gomez prolific? Absolutely, Luis J. Gomez is definitely prolific.

Starting point is 01:43:59 Luis J. Gomez, who's the respect? He's involved in multiple projects, including his stand-up comedy the regs podcast story wars and his role in skank fest his active presence across various formats continuous output of content from live performances to creative podcasts and events showcases his high level of productivity and influence in the comedy scene oh that was nice no guys what job do you think would be the easiest or hardest? Is Mike Feeney brilliant? Who the fuck is Mike Feeney?

Starting point is 01:44:35 No, I think I had a good topic. What's your topic? What job do you think would be the easiest or hardest? You fucking cunt. You're a piece of shit. I'll leave the show. I'll leave the fucking show. What's the bit? I'll fuck it. What Danny you die. Did he steal? He sold? You piece of shit. You're a trader. You'll never be on the road with me. This is a great topic Dan, what are you saying? The easiest or hardest job to fuck up? No, that's not it. Dan, I'm going to say, that's topic's not it.

Starting point is 01:45:10 That's not it. That's not it. Bobby goes like this, he goes, That would have hit there, it's you son of a bitch. Wait, so you told Danny your topic and then Danny texted Dan my topic? When I looked at my dates I had a text from Danny, it was like, you should take Bobby's topic topic say bobby's dot bobby's topic is what what job is he's just like it was a little small did you give you

Starting point is 01:45:31 credit for producing that was what i was going on that was uh... natalie would have never done the artist or hardest to fuck up i don't know which is what i was a bit that's not the topic of the top of the top of the ready would be the easiest or hardest job a woman could have where you could fuck them, get them, pull them? You know what I mean? Oh, like waitress? A waitress, a flight attendant, a lawyer. I have had sex with so many comedy club waitresses, it's crazy. I think like a... I don't know if you want

Starting point is 01:46:04 to be filmed saying that. I think like a- I don't know if you wanna be filmed saying that. I think like a mattress tester, someone that sleeps on a mattress, like through the night to test it. It's stupid. It would be the easiest one to find. I would say maybe- I would say anyone that runs a kissing booth.

Starting point is 01:46:16 I would say a prostitute, probably. Yeah. Prostitute's good. That's a good one. That's probably the easiest. That might have to be- The easiest one would be a prostitute. That's like the easiest that might have to be easiest one you think would be a Prostitute that's like the one where they don't check it. They go well this question's off the table

Starting point is 01:46:30 We fucked up. What do you wait? You says are the easiest so they're easiest. They're around us So I I I rarely hook up with girls that are anything but comedians Commentary is or medias you think comedians are the easiest look at him him i've never had sex i've never been with a comedian you've never had sex with your is your wife for a fact that that was louis roasting robert kelly and her mother rose master louis is a government louis is known for his ball busting and his influence on comedians by far of the four of us uh... aggregate comedians the most frequent i would say waitress it's that were good one dot

Starting point is 01:47:08 comedians higher than what nothing gets people for near than working together as you're around each other in a position your your right what's the hardest uh... a judge that he had a hard poll duty rate counselor that's pretty crazy that was gonna be for a jerry right now as well i don't know but i think i think you're off on that i think she's

Starting point is 01:47:31 probably issues were to do a consensual and on you know i i don't know what your question for judge to be the host i look like this is the first time i have a letter but what about the number of the beetles who would you consider is the most successful comedian that is on the regs podcast what's Dan Soder Joe list Robert Kelly and Luis J Gomez Dan Soder might be considered the most successful wow wait a second he has a significant presence in stand-up comedy a successful acting role on billions and a prominent podcast. It's cancelled. It's over. His broad appeal. Oh fuck you. He's got the appeal of a broad that's what they mean.

Starting point is 01:48:14 I hate it so much. I wish it had second. We're going to go in on this. Oh man. Oh man. This is where it gets real. Oh man. This is where it gets real. Oh, I'm the least successful. Oh no. And mind you, if I didn't bring up my topic, we wouldn't even be here. So my topic was the shit.

Starting point is 01:48:35 I literally just ignored your topic and started doing something different. Oh man. Ready? Hold on. Joe, Joe knows if he doesn't get second, he's going to fly through a wall. okay, who is the second most successful? I think I got second This is bullshit Oh Entrepreneurial ventures are for what the fuck is that he's an entrepreneur he's the guy

Starting point is 01:49:16 Tables at the other Game he's not even insane. Oh, now, now, now, now, now, Lewis? Oh fuck. Now Lewis, that felt so good, I'm so happy. Lewis? That's crazy. Lewis, I wanna be glad. That's so wrong.

Starting point is 01:49:32 It said entrepreneurial. Lewis, ask, ask. Lewis, look at me, Lewis, look at me. Who's the third one? I don't know. I think we're out of time. I gotta go. I gotta leave.

Starting point is 01:49:42 I gotta, listen dude, I gotta pick up my. This is the best bit. Dude, I gotta pick, is of the best bits. This is the best bit we've ever done. Don is pregnant. I believe. It hurts. It hurts.

Starting point is 01:49:52 As top dog. And then I'm going to ask why the fourth one is considered fourth. What's going to tell you? Alright, let's go. I really do have to go. So let's do it. If this isn't me, I'm going to be Joe. Oh, Jesus Christ. No, it's going to be Joe. I really have to go. So let's do it. This isn't me. I'm gonna be It's gonna be Joe it's gonna be Joe, okay, who is the third most successful?

Starting point is 01:50:25 Can we stop this one can a reassure the most successful 2010 feature film cement baby and I'm not even an entrepreneur can you just ask ask it right fourth and why why okay Bronze is nice. I like a bronze medal. You're gonna be so high on the platform. This is actually who's the funniest on the show, too. Oh my god. That hurt. Try a GBT, dude. You should hate the robots, Bobby. All you've done is give them your love.

Starting point is 01:51:00 And the robots show it. You were the first one to adopt technology. You were the most successful animal. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't even close. They turned on you. They turned on you like T-1000s. I had to live in your house for warmth.

Starting point is 01:51:11 All right. Hold on. OK. Why is Robert Kelly considered the least successful of the regs? You broke it. It wouldn't be accurate to say Robert Caldly is the least successful of the regs.

Starting point is 01:51:35 He's achieved a lot in comedy, including stand-up specials, his long-running podcast, you know what to do, He's skipping for a reason. And significant contributions to Cause he's lying. Success can be measured in various ways. Oh my God.

Starting point is 01:51:49 Oh my God. It sounds like Alan. Hey guys shh. Or personal achievements. And each of the members has their own strengths and successes. Robert Kelly has made substantial contributions and has a strong following. So while he might not have the same level of mainstream visibility as some others, he's certainly successful in his own way. This is the most hurtful thing.

Starting point is 01:52:10 Holy shit, dude, you got a participation trophy. Oh my God. Ask who was most successful in 2010. OK, who was the most successful of the four of them in 2010? If it's Joe, I'm walking off the tour. In 2010, Robert Copper Kelly was likely the most successful of the four. At that time, he had been established in the comedy scene for years, had several stand-up specials, and was well regarded within the industry. But technically he's had those things within more time is best. Shouldn't he have more respect and more success?

Starting point is 01:52:48 Stars and Joe List was building his career. So Robert Kelly's longer tenure and established presence made him stand out in 2010. Wow. Wow. Well, there you go. Well, this is a, this is a classic. It was a classic. That was fucking really funny. All right. You know what? We did an hour 48. All right.

Starting point is 01:53:10 Feng Shou. There we go. There we go. That was fucking wild. Yep. What's up? Go check us out live. We'll see you at Skankfest.

Starting point is 01:53:19 Are we doing an episode for Skankfest? Yeah, this weekend. Remember Atlanta Come Out, Bonkers Comedy Club in Orlando. Sounds made up. It's real and Virginia Beach and bring some friends fucking friends. Come on support our sponsors support the sponsors Go get some stuff and go go get so go to the go. Go get fume. Go get cigars

Starting point is 01:53:38 It's a god sheaths help us get monetized on YouTube. We're it's gotta go do that. We gotta do it It's oh and I'll probably just do it so we can have it. Come on, Dan. You're the best. You're the most trustworthy. All right. Thank you to the producers for coming in today and helping us out. New producer Paco, Mike, Joe. RIP, Natalie. Fuck you, Danny. We miss you, Natalie. And we'll see you guys next week or the next time on The Regs.

Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Killer of Creativity | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #21

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