Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Krispy Kreme-Os | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #45

Episode Date: September 10, 2025

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss the moral of Jack and the Giant Beanstalk, if you should tip a maid, the Saudi Comedy festival, what a Dubai Chocolate is, the knife that killed Luis’ dad, the rules of dogs on lawns, Raja Rampage assaulting Syko Stu, which cereal is the best and why it is cream of farina, Woody Allen as a guest, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedyhttps://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  CashAppUse code Family10 and send $5 within 14 days and get $10 in your account PrizePicks Get $50 in lineups after placing your first $5 lineup Cornbread Hemp Get 30% off your first order w/ code "REGZ" Lucy Get 20% off first order w/ code “REGZ” Small Batch CigarUse code REGZ10 for 10% off plus 5% rewards BodyBrain Coffee Use code REGZ25 to get 25% off Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, Regs fans. It's me. Fit Collar Dan. The minister. And my dog Myrtle, she doesn't want to look at you. He's ashamed of herself. I'm in therapy right now. I'm in a bathroom. As always, I don't know. Is that a shit joke or is that a blow guys joke? Anyways, get your Regs merch today. Just so you know our merch is online and trucking, baby boy. We got classic logo teas, the Mount Regsmore, the Dunking Moose, and so much more. Hoodies are coming soon in the fall. You can go get all these shirts and these bandanas. A pair of you are going to see us at Skank Fest because you bought merch. If you buy some merch, you'll be automatically registered to win two VIP tickets to Skankfest and lovely.

Go to regsmerch.com and grab your merch today. And we're going to do a special meat and breed if you show up with the reg stuff. We have bomb dandas. We have sweatshirts. My son's trying to break in. Ah, it's a ghost. Buy the merch. Let's go, Reg's merch on sale.

Now, I'll blow you if you buy so. Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. All right. What's up, everybody? We're back. It's the regs. We're back from vacation.

We're back from spending time. We're here. We're rocking it. Every other week we're going to be here. And with Dan Soda, we got Joe List, we got Lewis J. Gomez, and we got me, Robert Kelly. It's good to be... Oh, Lewis. I'm so excited.

Why do you spill stuff? Oh, I'm gone the next two Mondays. That's like a good thing, dude. Oh, shit. Are you really? Yeah, I'm gone for the next three weeks. weeks. I gotta go to

I gotta go to fucking no but I really am next Pop, look how quick he is it's like you're on a cruise ship but we have two episodes right here bang bang boom boom Hey here's my topic Over there

Ready? We're not doing topics Well here's a topic We're not doing topics on the next show Bobby We're ripping We're cat around It's been a month

Why are we Why is Robert Kelly wearing a whistle Oh that's true Are you worried If this is a whistle Then it doesn't work What is going on

Is that your role for your role Do there's a dog right now? I can hear it. A guy's on Manetta, he goes, what's right? Oh, it's my ear. Watch, watch, watch, watch. Oh, ow!

Liz goes, why are there four perverts downstairs scratching at the door? If I switch this, it goes to pedophile whistle. Just fans are pulling over on 6th Avenue. Crashing their cars. There's a little boy with a sweet butt somewhere in there. I heard his tiny whistle. What is Bill Clinton doing here?

Hello. Topical. All right. Well, I didn't want to name one of the comedians that we're friends with. would have been weird guys that we're going to bump into I thought the rat whistle thing was going to be big

but the dog whistle? No it's it's an anxiety whistle What? Yeah it's for anxiety That's made up I swear to God You're supposed to go like this ready You're nervous about getting ripped So yell at me about trying to be funny during your ad

So are you yelling Why are you being funny during my ad You stupid motherfucker don't Me No one's going to stop this verbal race I think someone sold you a piece of junk A big guy goes Dude, I got these three beans

Yeah, body goes Dude, what is this? It's just like anxiety whistle And the guy goes Sure Made a beanstock Dude that you wouldn't have the story Dude, these are magic beans

I swear to God dude It's real quick What is this whistle do? It's anxiety's good too, right? Yeah dude The beanstock What would the story be fucking Jack just got two cows

Bo? I don't really know the story Jack and the Beanstalk. Jack and the Beast's supposed to go get, he's supposed to get two cows, comes back with beans. No, I think he has cows, he's supposed to go sell the cows and somebody gives him the beans for the cows. Yeah, supposed to do that, that too. Then he got his hands. Bobby's doing a retelling of a classic

guy. Bobby has the live version. He trips. He trips over the shit, and the beans fall into the cow shit immediately is spot. Then he falls asleep, dude. A princess to come and kiss him. It's crazy. he climbs up the beanstalk and there's giants up there. So what's the lesson? Give me the goods. Give me the lesson. There's

the lesson there, right? Yeah, the lesson. Yeah, what is the lesson? Do acid? You'll be among giants? Be a dumb sucker. Yeah. Beans for cows. The guy's like, I got two cows. I gave the guy beans. They're going to do the other side of the guy that got the two cows. He's like, the main lesson of Jacket sucks. See his

opportunities, be resortsful and take brave risk to improve one circumstance. Dude, you're not supposed But he took the fucking beans And all of a sudden he got a chick Hey, where did you get these cows? Yeah, man In reality The lesson is in the other guy

The sucker took these beans He goes, I'm having a good Tuesday I got two new cows Those cows probably are dead And he still had the fucking The beans What he goes up to a giant world Where he's gonna get squashed

Don't forget the girl, dude Did he kill him a giant? In the end he got pussy No, he didn't he killed the giant He's a murderer He's a murderer Who's James and the giant Peach? Is that the same guy?

Justice for Giants. This Jack, motherfucker. I forgot. You have a giant voice. Comes up to beanstalk. Oh, yeah, Dan's part giant. Yeah, he's part giant.

Quarter on my mother's side. Sorry, my uncle is full. First off, I don't like beans. I don't like fucking Jack coming up into our world, muddling around. You know what Jack is? He gentrified. He gentrified giant land. And now there's a beanstock.

There's all these white people in their fucking cafes. Are you a great, great, great grandfather got killed by Jack? Yeah, he got tripped up. Can I, can we turn off the cold air right on my body? I'll switch with you. No, no, no, no, no, this is our switch. Well, I don't want to be hot. You'll be hot.

If it gets hot, we'll turn it back on. I'm hot. Sticky sweet from my head, head to my feet. Yeah, when I-na-na-na-na-na-da-da-da-baw. Bobby, Bobby, you're playing the whistle today, Bobby. There really is just a dog half a block away, just going like, oh, oh, the guy's like, what the fuck is wrong with my dog? It's a rage whistle

If you get me mad, I just go That is, we could have used that about 15 years ago Where was that the whole time I was opening for you? I never got mad at you, Dan Yeah, you did. Never did. You got mad at me. Name one time. When I was opening for you at Bananas at Hasbrook Heights

And the 49ers were in the playoffs against the kids. No, you got mad at me because I was giving you No, that you got mad at me. You got mad at me. You fucking weirdo. I got mad at me because you got serious about voodoo. I did, I was like... No, no, that was different.

That was different story. That, that, but you remember that. There was a time where you got serious about voodoo? He called a series about voodoo. Tell him. If you go, I say, fuck you, Joe Booth. I call them up, I go, wash, waka, wuga, buta. And he put a curse on my team, and the 49ers lost.

Yeah. So I was mad about that. But he got really mad. I got mad because I was mad the 49ers lost. I had a dream last night that the 49ers team plane crashed into a mountain in Denver and killed your friends that you went to high school with. That's impossible. But you found out your sister was alive, but then the airplane landed on her.

She was a thing. And I popped out. I go, you were in a boss. shelter you're in a pub shelter this whole time and they had all the Lombardi trophies they had won in the plane that's a weird way to travel how are you getting younger what's going on here are you doing stuff you needle in children blood adrenic chrome yeah i don't wash bobby i don't wash my face what you nasty ass i don't wash my face i wash it with water but just don't you soap yeah i don't either but i don't look young i don't really wash my face too often either when i

every time i wash my face it's all brown stuff i'm actually white this is shit on my face. He got you. You're brown. You like that? You're brown. What's up, dude? How you doing, dude?

I got a gift. Tan as fuck. What's your gift? So we're gonna do this for six hours? Yeah. We don't, we don't find. Why would you do this?

What are you doing? What are you doing? Well, we're gonna be on a boat all time. Did you guys bring a change of clothes? No. Who gives a fuck? We turn our shirts and set out.

I like that. And we shave our heads. No, we have to change the hat. I like that. No one's switched a hat. One to the right. No one's. going to fit mine. All right. It's a good

idea. You see my feet hanging up with her dance at. Joe's going to be under it. Hey, that episode you guys did in the podcast with a giant hat was great. That was Lewis and they went, what was it? My feet are just kicking. And we got the guests coming in? Why are you looking at it? Is there a guest coming

to me? Are we getting a clean house right now? Are we doing house cleaning? Are we doing house cleaning? What does that mean? What's house cleaning? I don't know what it means, but it sounds so. I don't like it. What is it? That's your heritage. What does that mean?

No, we don't need it. No, thank you. Not today. This is how you do the voice. No, do not disturb. Do not to sleep, eh. Sleepy. I had a lady of, I almost said flight attendant.

What are they called? Made? Made. Immigrants. I had a lady come in in the middle of my room and I was taking a shit. Nice. And I was like, this. Nice.

Dude, they, they, I was like, hello, hello. Did you get hard immediately? No, I was like, hello, hello. There's a porn guy at watch, and he just, uh. There's a porn guy. you watch? He just lies in the bed and he lets the maids

walk in. That's a creep. That's not a porn guy. When the fuck did you turn in? It's a pervert. That's a pervert. It's a salt. That's a guy that just

films himself jacking off in this Guatemala has to walk there. That's why the maids wear your necklace. It's funny though. They don't. They walk in.

He's just calling maids right now. They walk in. There's just 17 maids outside the cellar right now. But they walk in and they don't even they're like, oh, Saudi. And he's like, it's okay. And they're like, okay.

And they just put towels down. Yeah, they've watched their family get murdered by cartel members. A guy jacking off in a queen size doesn't really upset them. They come in, they go, hello. He goes, oh, do you see what you like? Do you like what you see? Yes. Yeah, very nice.

Yeah? How'd you get here? I had to pay a coyote. I don't tip with the waitstaff as much as I should. Where did that come from? I don't have any cash ever. What are you talking about? This waitstaff, not the waitstaff, the maids.

Oh, the maids. At hotels. I don't believe in tipping maids. What? You leave a $5.20. Makes sense. That makes sense. Him doing that.

Well, can I explain? I have the Do Not Disturb 100% of the time. Me too. Yeah. So I don't want them to clean my room. So what are you tipping them for? You clean when they leave. If they never, well, yeah, that's true.

No, no. When they leave. That's what you pay for when you get there. You're paying for a clean room. Yeah, I don't know. I have 20 bucks. You pay $300 a room. 20 bucks every time.

But hear me out on this. What is the tip for if they're not cleaning your room? If you're smoking weed in the room. room, you don't want them to report you. So you leave them a 20. If when I was smoking weed, I would leave them... That's 20. I smoke weed in the bathroom. If I'm eating 5 or 10 for the weekend. I just, when I come there, I just

put a 20 on the counter for the weekend. Like, if I have it on me, I just put it down. The only thing I do is I take all the towels and I put them all in a ball. Right. He doesn't have to find the shit in the blood ones. There you go. I pay for clean room. Exactly, Bobby. I do the same exact. The next person pays for a clean room. I don't understand what the tip comes in. Joe, we get it. You don't believe in helping people out.

Do you tip a waitress? Yes. They bring me food. I pay for the meal. Yeah. That's what the, that's what the cost is. And then I tip the person for bringing me the meal and taking care of me. Maids have prepared my jerk chamber for the weekend.

But the room, if I paid, if I was $300 and your room's not clean. And then someone comes to. I come into my jerk chamber and I go, this has been set up lovely. As soon as I get into my Uber, I order like a fucking delivery, no, delivery to the room. uh coconut oil so i have a nice jar coconut oil waiting for me what because i can't jerk off with the lotion's in the hotel and no you can't do that but you be y o l b y o l b y o'l so tropical yeah what do you i don't want coconut coconut is delightful oh my god that's the you lick your fingers gleam and you're done oh you go oh the yogurt what do you do with the coconut what do with it

i just i grab the towel and i go whoop whoop whoop whoop and it's that clean up up up up Smells like coconut Yeah And body brain You blow your cocoa nut on your stomach I'm hot today I put my finger in my cocoa butt He said that you can lick your fingers clean

And I go what do you do with the other hand That's fun Yeah But he was like what do you mean If you don't if you have no do not disturb sign on it And they're coming and fluffing your pillow And you don't tip You're a fucking asshole

But if you say hey take the weekend off I put it I don't understand. But a do not disturbed sign. You know I'm down with this messiness. They got to come in and clean that room. Right. Clean it.

That's what the next person's paying for. What the fuck does that mean? Just tip. They get paid. When do they get paid? They get paid to work. Every other. First and the 15th, baby.

And then it's on and cracking. But why am I tipping them to clean the next guy's room? You're tipping them to take care of your room. Your room is a mess when you leave. No. Are you coming on the towels? Yes. Are you wiping up your jizz with the towels?

Yes. Yeah. You take the face cloth and wipe your ass when you don't get the shit out. My guy, they are touching your comb. That's what they are paid to do. No, it's not. They're not paid to touch your comb. They didn't sit 18 in a van.

Well, your mother, she gave birth to you. Yeah. She's just there to do it. Nobody's paid to wipe up your cum and clean your comb. They don't wipe. up my come. They have gloves. They pick up the towels. They throw them in a basket. You gotta leave them money, dude. You gotta send it out in the universe. It comes back. Joe de Rosa nailed me. He said, you've always dressed the same. You just buy nicer versions of the

stuff that you had before. And it's true. It's okay. Stop bringing up Joe to Rosa. I love Joe de Rosa. I love Joe to Rosa. I love Joe. Why don't you like him? What happened? I love Joe. Do you guys have a sex thing? I love Joe. I love him. You guys had a sex thing. I sucked him. The Rose is blowing up, too. He's getting blown. He's getting fat by me. Fat to Rose would be great.

He's blown up? Where? I think so. He's at the Bud Light commercial. He's writing for tires, something else. His special was killer. No. Everyone's talking about his special.

Special's very good. Yeah. It's very, very good. It was very good, too. I watched it. I loved it. I loved it. Front to back.

Watch the whole thing. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Did you watch the whole thing? Look at me. Stop blinking. He's blinking.

Stop blinking. Stop blinking. Did you watch it? I find it charming. Did you watch a special from front to back? I watched. Can I say, can I be honest? Yeah.

I don't think you can. Can you be honest? I don't be honest. Oh, that's it. I watched it. It was pretty cool. Oh, my God. I thought I was sitting next to a history hyena.

Why can't get the Puerto Rican do a good Puerto Rican accent? No, you can't. She legitimately sounds like retarded. You sound like a retarded Puerto Rican lady. Why can't he do a Puerto Rican? Let me tell you what I did. I turned it on. Yeah.

And then he had this fucking intro. And then I turned it off before the intro finished. And I was like, Bobby was right. Nobody wants to watch a fucking long-ass intro on a special. Nope. Because Bobby, we were going to do an intro on my special. What was the intro? Pitch it to Joe and I.

No. It's not going to happen. Louis J. Gomez. What's up, guys? Let's go. I'm doing a post-credit scene, like a superhero movie. Oh, my God. There's going to be a reveal.

Halfway through the... That's how you're going to tell everyone, Dave left skanks? You got to watch the post-credit? No. It's his post-credit scene where you go, oh! He goes, part of the problem, more like the whole problem. you're out smith yeah who are you gonna replace david with i would say zach but he only's got a year that bombed i didn't hear anything life yeah louis chuckled at no what do you talk about who laughed

who smiled it wasn't great it wasn't great by the way i didn't even get it i i checked out halfway through it that's how much i hated it i don't even know how it ended yeah it was it seems to be me leaving this part even the autistics didn't smile well if you could pull that off right now and just disappear. That'd be sick, dude. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. Love prize picks. You and, we all make these decisions every day, but on prize picks, being right, get you paid.

That's the deal with this. Don't miss any of the excitement this season on prize picks, where it's good to be right every time. I go to prize picks. I have it. This is why I like it. I'm not really savvy with all the info and the stats and stuff with sports. When on prize picks, you just go to the app.

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Oh, he retired for basketball. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, stop. He was my favorite player when I was a kid. Lewis, Lewis, he was baseball. Oh, yes. Probably you're sure he was a tennis player. You're probably confused. Tell everyone.

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Price picks. It's good to be right. Life's been a little too crazy, but you know what helps me unwind, Joe? Cornbread hemp's CBD gummies. I know you don't get high. You don't like THC. But CBD, it's a relaxing, it's the relaxing chemical. It's not the drug part of the game.

Right. No, I have friends that are sober. they take CBD gummies every night to sleep. They swear by it. I just don't like... I get it. Gummies, I don't like the texture of a gummy. But everyone I know is guzzling these things.

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safety and purity. Right now, regs listeners are going to save 30% off their first order. Just go to cornbreadhemp.com slash regs with a Z, and use the code regs at checkout. That's cornbreadhemp.com slash regs, and use the code regs. With a Z, because we're cool. It's just a skull. He looked like the book or the Saudi Arabia gig just then. Oh, what's up with this Saudi?

What was going on? Why do people got a problem with these guys doing this? Well, they did 9-11. You know, I think it all goes back to where they did. That's the Israeli comedy festival you're thinking of. Oh, conspiracy theory. Oh, wow. Oh, shit.

I smell a podcast. Oh, my God. This is like the only podcast with no Jews. All right. I just realized. Why do you think we're not? Successful. How is that the only podcast with no Jews?

There's tons of podcasts with no Jews. Yeah. So what's going on with this stuff? They're doing a comedy fest in Saudi Arabia? Yeah, I guess. And people are getting paid money? Yeah, lots of money, I think. Tim Dillon's making $375,000.

That's great. Literally. Shane turned it down because he's a patriot. Nice. Shane turned it down because he's a millionaire. True. But they all. Everyone on that lineup.

Dude, if Shane had thousands in the bank, he would take it. Yeah. No one on that lineup, I think, isn't a millionaire. On the next Legion of Skanks, we... Let me see the line. Let me see. Okay, let's go through. Rich Voss on the bottom right.

No way. That's Russell Pierce. He goes, do you guys mind if I do some crowd work? You will be beheaded if you do that. This girl right here, this, the Indian girl, really. I mean, she just... Zarnat Garde. She's just automatically famous.

Who the fuck is that guy? Who's between Jimmy Carter and... Do you know what it's like when you smell like shit? And everyone gets off a train when you get done? Who? Germone. He's an Irish comedian. Who put this.

Some of put this together. Who put this together? The Saudi Prince himself. No. No, the guy that used to run Montreal. Which one? I don't know. Bruce.

Robbie Prince? Yeah, I think so. Robbie Prince or Bruce? I think it's, it was whatever the head of Montreal, put this together. Oh, they had to do line up in alphabetical order because of the egos. Yeah, I did. That's hilarious. Oh, by first name.

So now, so why are people giving these people shit for going? I think because they chop hands off of people and throw gays off the buildings and stuff. Probably because they're culture washing America. right now. Clint circumcision. Funded 9-11. Did 9-11. That's going to determine me from getting $300,000. Yeah, I could use $375. Would you go if they offered me? I'd put it on top of my $2 million that Lewis says I have.

Would they offer you $300,000 to go? Would you do it? Probably. I don't know. I would have to think about it. It depends on if one person was like, hey, fuck you, you asshole. I'd be like, I don't mind. You and your wife get $300,000 each. You do a show together. But she has to wear something over her face. I don't want to read my baby to say. Not even because of religion. They just don't like the way she looks like. I honestly, sorry, I just do not find her fuckable. I do not like her nose.

Honestly, the thing that bothers me. And in fact, you wear something, too. Yeah. Can we put the hijab on you as well? Yeah, hijab. We're like the hijab show. That's not size of mouth in this country. There isn't a burqa big enough for that face.

Your mouth is insulting. I mean, $375,000. I have a two-year-old. That's a lot of money. I would sell my two-year-old for $375,000. They'd buy it. Yeah. Fuck him and chop his head off.

Yeah, no, I mean, we did this on Legion of Sanx, a pretty long bit that's coming out tonight where we, Big Jay was like, I wouldn't do it. I was like, $250,000 in the table right now. He was like, I wouldn't do it. And then we lie detector Big Jay, and we saw it with a million and we go down and we get down to $100,000. That's what Shane said to him. They kept coming back, doubling it. And finally he went, you're going to find a number that I say yes to and I don't want to. Please stop doing this.

Wow. That's such a great. I don't have that thing to go, you're going to get a number and I don't want. you to do this because I don't have that I'm very I have that four days later he's the four days later he's the man for doing that he's the man for doing that being like no man you're gonna keep fucking going I'm a three day Bob I would do it for eight grand and we know that you do yeah that's why they're not offering it to you they go honestly Lewis kind of threw himself happens it's not since we didn't want to honestly we were like hey let us at least try to

get you Lewis was like hey can there be body brain coffee at all of the green rooms bro please they don't respect the eagerness he goes oh well you want you too much give me a laydown seat on a fucking one of those ones so do i take a camel to the water and like when i get to the water i get another camel the guy goes who is this guy yes who's getting paid the most uh probably bill burr dave chappelle louisie kevin hart i would say kevin heart i know what bill burr tried to charge skank fest to do it so i mean he's got to make so much fucking money off this. It's got to be out of this world. 10 million? Yeah, what was he trying to get SkangFest?

I hope he goes full Philly on the Saudi crowd. His price was like, I want to say 200,000 for SkangFet. He goes, and I know you he goes, he goes full Philly on the Saudi crowd, the ONA thing, and he goes, and I know you killed that journalist, and I'm still selling my merch. And they're like, I fucking kill you!

He goes, now. Seven minutes. Seven minutes left in the set. And I'm doing every fucking minute. I don't care. You got a bunch of shiny, curly swords out. I'm doing the set. Ah, la, halla, halla. Six minutes.

Two minutes, you fucking hacks. And you guys had to buy Ronaldo when he was washed up. Acalalalaka! Aca la ha! Dude, he's like, he did it. It's a sequel to Philly on the ONA tour.

That's so funny. Then they just lop his fucking head off. Then they just hold it up. Asa la Gala! They can't hold it up, feels no hair. Russell Peter's grab it. All right, next comic.

He goes, all right, oh, Bill Burr. Watch your special on Hulu. Hulu. He just rolls this. It's just the basket of all the other heads. It's just all the women and then Bill Burt. If they killed all, if they, this is all bullshit and they just killed everybody.

And then we have to act. And then we have to act sad when they go like. Well, I asked Tim Dillon about it. He was like, dude, he was like, I don't carefully behead Jessica Kirsten right after me. That's what Tim's just with it. Tim will tell you. Tim will just go, what he told me is he goes, I don't care. They can shoot Gossens off my back.

Give me $400,000. You're like, well, at least he's with it. But do they know, like, if you're, like, Jessica, Tim, do they, are they going to accept gay people over there? Yeah, they're real woke now, Bobby. Really? You know who's real liberal? Hang on one second.

You know who's real liberal? Muslim countries. Yeah. No, but, I mean, that is weird. Hey, get the bag, though. They must know about them. They must know what's going on. They go, wait, hold on.

You're not married to a. And the women are going to have to wear... No. No. So they don't have to wear shit. They can just go. It's much more developed than the rest of the middle. Saudi Arabia's like a lot of rich... They're performed for tourists and massively rich people. This isn't like poor fucking... Yeah, I think Saudi Arabia's trying to get in in that Dubai stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you know why they have... You know why Dubai chocolate's so popular right now? Because we're stupid saps and they tell us it's popular. We're like, it's popular. No, because it's... They're Google washing it. Just the same way there's a conspiracy that Disney has frozen made the movie Frozen

so when you Google Walt Disney Frozen Head just the movie Frozen comes up and Dubai chocolate used to be a thing where businessmen would go to Dubai and get shit on their chest well they might be called Dubai but I do not buy

okay thank you for taking this hang on hang on hang on whoa whoa whoa whoa it's pretty good Bobby's taking a second to get it but he likes that nobody laughed at the bomb by the purest definition you suck your room at the air is gone you may Dan stop thinking

and speaking of my nose like 11? I didn't even move stuff. Instead of Dubai, do not buy. I got it. I didn't mind it. I never tried to buy chocolate. It's green, right?

It's like pistachios and shit on the inside. If they like, but look up in shit, there's like hay. It's like very hay. You ate it like a horse? No, but when you buy it, it's like it's got little

little hay things. What do gay horses eat? Hey. Horse come. Nice. That's good. I like that one. That's better than anything.

You've got to close with it. Can you look up of a Dubai chocolate is getting shit on your chest? Is it true that Dubai chocolate was a paid trend to just to hide searches related to the infamous potty videos? The infamous potty videos.

I don't know. This is too much. Now what are the bonfire subreddit? Let me ask you question. I got a gift for you. Please. You keep on saying it, but I don't see you giving. It's a Gary Veter Coffin.

me a long time to get. What did she say? It's a Gary Veter coffin. That's a visual guy. I'm mad that I fucking looked and didn't catch that when it happened. Solid joke. That is great.

You know what? I'll take the bomb dad. You know what? Just put it in the middle. Just put it in the middle. You brought us so much joy with that one. That should be a new rule, by the way. If you have a real fucking bang.

A banger with that one? Get out of bomb day. All right. And it's new thing. Reg laws. Regs law. New thing. First new thing in 10 years.

Here we go, folks. I'm excited about this. Please. I hope it's a snake. I hope it's a penis. What if it's my mother's finger? He's like, she's alive. I get your toe by the end of the day.

Ooh. What is it? It's something that my dad was murdered with. Oh, cool. It's going to be a bottle of a Bacardi. That is the eye-track. I tracked down the knife that killed the father. He found out the blade print.

Wow. Had your name printed on it. That's nice. Blood brothers. I got that out of evidence. Yeah. That's what it was. And then you had it monogram.

And I had it monogram. That is the exact knife. That's so funny. That killed your father. My friend's a cop. You got that evidence. And he goes, trust me,

no one's going to solve that case. Nobody. It's done. This is nice, dude. My father was murdered with a 12-inch blade. Damn, dude. Yeah, that's a steak knife.

That's like a fucking crocodile D-sized blade. You call that a knife. He goes, hey, that's not a knife. He's like, no, that's definitely a knife. It's really a knife.

I think it's got one of my organs. That's for your new house. Being around the backyard, You need a pocket knife. I did my first project. Just for your whittling. What'd you do? Yell at your neighbor?

Oh, how's that gone? The people walking their dogs on my lawn are about to get something. I'll make everyone a fucking enemy in this neighborhood. Dude, I love it. I turn against everyone. Dude, the nerve. I'm coming out. They're like, I'm just going to walk your dog and shit on your front line.

I know they're picking it up. They pick it up. It doesn't matter. There's specks of shit left the lawn. No, you got to let it go. You got to let that guy. If they leave it, go full gomas. Let me say something.

If they leave it, I'm going to shoot their dog. I had a guy who was around the corner has this big fluffy dog Always walks his dog How do you say fluffy fluffy? How do you close this knife? He walks his dogs like this. God, you're a child.

He walks his dog like this. He's just on his phone the whole time. He doesn't look up. Doesn't he pay attention to his dog. Let's his dog shit. And then he walks away. Man, I'm going to tell you right now. I caught him one morning.

I walked out. This shit was still steaming. Like December, I go, hey, pick this up. He goes, what? He goes, what? I go, your dog's your shit. He goes, that's my dog?

I go, don't do that. I go, I don't play the game. Get over here. He goes, I don't have a bag. I go, here's a fucking bag. Oh. I would have given a bag. I'm like, pick it up with your fucking mouth.

Are you out of your mind? And he goes, oh, yeah, is that what you want, mistress? Do you buy chocolate. Do you buy chocolate right here on the wall? You can't fucking, you got to let the guy. If someone's going to pee and shit, you can't be that guy. No, I'm going to get a bunch of pride. I'm separating myself from the entire neighborhood.

Privacy bushes is tall. You can't even look at the Hamptons. You're not even going to look at my house. Privacy bushes. They can shit on the front, in front of the bushes. It's going to, the bush are going to push right to the, as far out as possible. Well, you can't. What if they put their dog in the bush?

You can't put in the curb. You need at least two feet of grass. I'm going to put dog poison. Don't do that. Bobby and I will both fight you right now. You can't do that. You can't do that. Fish hucks and put him in treats.

You can't do that. What the fuck is wrong? I think you can do that. I'm, I'm here. I'm here for it. Don't shit on my fucking long. I'm going to hit his kidnapper whistle, and I'm going to tell him your address. Well, let him know.

Getting a gun, too. That's a bad idea. Yeah, I can. You're not getting a gun. I'm getting a gun. You can't get a gun. You can't get a handgun. Why can't get a handgun?

Why am I kidding? You shouldn't. Why? How about this? You shouldn't get a handgun. Why? Because you'll shoot somebody. I think we have hours of evidence.

Why? The entire Legion of Skanks catalog, the entire Real-Ox podcast catalog. I think you got a gun. The entire regs catalog. Get a-out. We've got hours of briefings. from today when we did the the body brake coffee

we could just cut this out and show them all of us in the face cut this motherfucker right here you gotta let you gotta relax when you moved into this neighborhood there's people that park it from my house I'm gonna shoot out their windows

it's a neighborhood it's a neighborhood no you gotta fucking sounds like it's just a hood I hate it where do they park today I never cared at all until I owned a house I never cared about any of that shit now I'm like don't even look at my house this is what Cubans do

they get to the United States to go no more immigration You go, you just got here. Lewis gets in the suburb, and he's like, no more else. No one fucking touches my stuff. You got to let him shit. As long as they pick it up,

if they pick it up, you're good, and it's good for you grab. It is crazy not to pick up shit when someone... It's nuts. People who do that, this is even nuts. They pick it up, and then they leave the bag. What?

Who does that? Snap! There was a lady on my old block. Who you fucking does that? I would whip it at her. She didn't want to carry the bag. I don't care. I'd throw it out her like a fucking water balloon.

I never caught her. I always would see it with that color bag. Put a pin in that. And the type of dog she had was a little tiny poop So I knew it was hers. She would leave it around other people's houses. Old bitch. Bobby's tasting the poop.

He goes, Dude, I know what this is. This is a Pomeranian. Hold on. This is a mix. That dog's purebred. That's fancy feet.

That's wet dog food. You can tell by the consistency of the shit, dude. Did I fucking got caught, my sister's got a golden retriever? Shout out. And just to be nice. Best dogs. I got caught on one of these ads.

Who was the bitch? John Wick. There was one of these bitches. I don't know which actress it was, but she has a whole thing. She makes dog food, like healthy dog food. What's your name?

Gwyneth Paltrow. No, it's the... I think it is Winthropal. No, it's the other chick. It's the... Reese Whitherspoon? Bonotaudor writer. Now...

Gwyneth Peltro. It's the... Gwyneth Pupptrow. I watched the... Sorry. No, it's a girl who's in the lawyer movie. I like that you took that shot. Oh, Julia Roder.

Legally blonde. Reyes. I just said that in no one. Legally blonde. No, I think it's Gwyneth Paltby. It's Buffy the Bancor. Paul, Guantaf Paltrow, dog food, please. Sarah, Jessica Parker.

Damn, blow my whistle. He's going to podcast. It's the girl that was... In election, masterpiece. It is. Her pussy gets so wet. It's the girl with the little side fucking mouth. She talks like this.

Or she's Seth McFarney. Liver Spoon. Elvis? Rees, Wither Spoon. No, not that one. The other one. Liverspoon? Liverspoon.

The Jewish man. Yeah, you're wrong. Reese Liverpool. I'm from Liverpool. Liverpool's based. She was in that movie where she was stupid. Did you guys pull up? Legion. Legally blonde girl.

Legally blonde. Yeah, we said that. And wild. Who is it? Who is it? What is it? He said it. Human-grade pet food.

I said it. What is this bullshit, though? You know what's the problem with this shit, though? When they ship it, it doesn't stay refrigerated. Yeah. So then the dogs get worms. You know what Don does? She makes chicken.

and salmon every week and then makes big things of homemade dog food. And cheats on you when you're on the road. Hopefully she deserves it. She deserves a nice hot plumber dick. Yeah. Oh my wife to cheat on me and I catch her and I'm like this. Oh yeah. Tell me about it, you little whore. Let's get our wives to cheat with each other. Oh, that's

Les Adel. Yeah. A little old. Yeah, Sarah's old. It's fucking disgusting. Both of them. I'm going to be honest me. Too old, lesbians? What the hell is this? Lilithir? Too dried up, mom? Get this the fucking is. Well, I guess Reese's Park Club.

Oh. That's the new move. You make dog food. New move. When I bought it, I started making dog food. I was like, I want to say a hundred bucks for this bag. That's crazy. And I thought it was like, you know, fuck.

Yeah, like 40 pounds. Doggy. This shit came like. Doggy? This big. Doggy. And my sister, I, then the dog, now the dog won't eat anything but this. Did you go dog?

You're going to try to eat this? But this? I'm okay. Trying to make the doggie thing work for a full minute. How many bags did you buy? K-9 of them? K-9 bags. Hey, Lewis.

We got another option. Daddy, I'm coming home. Oh, let's talk about weapons. You guys see weapons? No. So. I watched Alien Earth, though. What the fuck.

You like that? Isn't it nice? I watched The Life of Chuck. Isn't it Knife? Did you watch The Life of Chuck? No, not yet. I'm busy. It's a three-year-old.

It's for you. Yeah, and he said, isn't it knife? Isn't that knife? I think. I think I'm hot today. I think I'm hot. Can you turn on? It's actually boiling hot. I'm winning this episode.

We turn it on, turn it on low, though. It's a great knife. That's great. Does it feel like... If he wanted to... Expensive dog food is useless. If he kills his neighbor with that knife and the dog...

That'd be crazy. If a dog dies because of this knife, it's crazy. And evidence, that'd be the logo on Netflix. Just says Gomez on a knife. Dome. This is the story of a man. I guess I never knew I'd kill a dog. I never knew.

it in me. I'm cold. As I'm leaving, and then I'm watching the guy walk his dog on my front lawn. Just like, just weirdly like, isn't it weird to walk a dog across somebody's front lawn? No. No, dogs like lawns. I walk doodles every day. Is it illegal? No. Here's, here's the rules.

Paul up the legality. Do you say, is it legal or illegal? Can I say, don't have your dog on my property? I think I can. Here's what you do. You can put a sign up that says, no. You can literally put a sign in your art. There's signs. So there's guys around my neighborhood that put the sign. Please don't let you dog shit here. And I don't. And I don't. And I don't. And I don't. But the people who don't, I do.

You're just being a bad neighbor. Yes, it can be illegal for a dog to walking a lawn. If it's a form of trespassing, yeah, don't fuck. Yeah. Without the owner's permission. So you don't. I do. I do not give that permission to shut up.

Signs like no trespassing. Why, pal? Yeah, he's like, fuck, cartooning. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Take it easy. Oh. Oh. It did it, it did help.

Yeah. No, it's illegal. No, just put it, you have to put a sign up. Get a sign. What's wrong with you? Can I, can you look up this last song? Can you show you? What is wrong with you?

I'm going to put up a two sides. One, he comes that guy. Three songs. Yeah. Three songs. Three songs. Yeah. Do not walk your dog on my lawn. And no Spanish.

I own a gun. Great. Right next to each other. Put up three songs. Bullet butterfly wings today and, uh, no pooping sign. No, no, don't. No poop zone. Be respectful, no poop zone.

Yeah, get that. Have a fun one. Do a fun. No. Don't do the one of the dog. Shitting. That looks disgusting. That gets me hard. I can't even wrap my mind around walking my dog

onto somebody's lawn. What? That's a stupid thing. Of course you can. You've ever walked a dog? I've had a dog. I walk my dog. Every morning. And sport would just stay right on the sidewalk. I'd be shit in the house. Sport would just stay right on the sidewalk. You'd never try to go. No, I would say... You're in legal mode. So I would walk... I was in New York City. One more thing before you go. I'm going to Columbo, Lewis. One last thing. You had a dog.

I'm directing this thing. It's too crazy. You're upsetting Lewis. And a bad, mad, Lewis is no good for any of us. Lewis, you mad? What happened? A lot of talking over. A lot of not listening.

I'm here for you. What happened? No, when I would walk sport, I would walk... Oh! Perfect. You want to know what's going on behind those thick glasses? That was a bit. He's playing something perfect.

That was a bit. I do want to hear what happened. I would walk sport. On, away from people's lawns, I'd walk them on the, the side that was toward the street in New York City. Yeah, you'd rather do that. Like a gentleman. But if you're on the suburbs, you can't do that.

They don't have that. They don't have that. They don't have that. I'm telling you right now, when I, when we go to Katie's parents' house or, and we're like visiting them and it's in the burbs, murder's like, let me get on every lawn. She's just trying to get on the lawns. The city, she stays on the sidewalk. What if somebody came out was like, hey, you're not walking on the lawn.

I would go, oh, no problem. I'll go, literally, I wouldn't, got you got you. No problem. By the way, no pushback. This guy at the street has a sign, no poop area. If I see a no poop sign, I'm a fuck-fiel. You know what I do? You know what a good person I am?

I let doodles out in my backyard first, let her shit, and then I take it for a walk. So 99% of the time, it's just tinkles. But now that I got this knife, I'll go, want to die? And they'll go, no, just don't have your dog on my lawn. And I go, oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, we respect. But you're that guy.

I don't have a dog, so I'm like, I'm choosing no shit in my life. Great. You're that guy. There's no dog. So just put a sign of. You're that guy. You're the guy that everybody knows. You're not fun.

The new guy's kind of a day. Oh, he probably gives... Yeah. This guy probably gives fruit at Halloween. Also, you should shit four to seven times a week. You're that guy, dude. I'm not having to be that guy. There's no shit.

You might want to start taking shit. Everybody in the... More fiber. You're holding it? Everybody in that neighborhood. It's like, oh, there's a new guy moved in. Everyone. How is he?

He's brown. He's one of those. He goes, he's brown and he doesn't like dogs. And they go, No, no, no, no. Those people love dogs. You're going to be that guy. I can't wrap my mind right. I know you guys are just fucking with me. No, no, but hold on. I still haven't heard the story.

So what happened? You're telling me, you moved in. A guy walked the dog under the yard and shit in the yard. Today, as I was leaving, there was a guy walking the dog, taking a shit. And as he drove away, he went. The dog went, the dog went, oh-ro-ro-ro-mittle of him. Oh, wow, oh, wow. I'm going to sit on your porch, you fucking stupid Puerto Rican. Almost I want

He pulled away You don't have to do that anymore But he picked up the shit We don't know What a reveal Oh you don't know if he picked up to shit Have James go see I drove away

And I tried to make the turn As I'm watching the dog shit I'm like I can't just say it's so passive aggressive for me Just stare at him I would be annoyed And also

I grew up in the suburbs And I don't remember people's dogs His house is gonna be like Shitting out my front lawn is crazy I don't ever remember someone shitting in my front lawn growing up Don't they have a yard themselves?

That's what you do. Have your dog shit in your fucking on front yard. I'm getting angry as I'm talking about. No, I'm 100% with you. I say something. When you walk in your dog, which I love to walk my dog. Yeah, who doesn't? You can't help the dog.

Might have to poop. What are you going to do? Also, sometimes smells make them go like, oh, I want a shit right here. Ooh, I'm going to lose it. I'm going to fucking lose it right here. Yeah, other assholes with their dog shitting in my yard. It's like, let's all mark this guy's lawn.

Well, dude, just put up a don't poop sign. I'm going to. I'm going to have a gun sign, which is going to be mildly threatening. This house is like grutes and minions. All you need is the NRA sticker. Put that right in the window. Yeah.

Even if you're not a member. Yeah. That's all you need to know. Yeah, and the ADT. You're ever enough to buy it. I have ADD. It's K-9, but cats have nine lives. K-9 lives.

Is this a poem? Are you doing slam poetry? What the fuck is that? Nine. He goes, cats have nine lives, but the dogs are the ones that are called K-9s. Rough bark, whistles. Poop on lawns.

The sign wasn't there. I didn't poop. You have no... I don't want to be that guy, though, because my... Rechop that banana. My neighbors fucking get my packages for me. Damn, that's how it starts.

My garden when I was away. Is that what you call it? You and Don call it water in your garden? We're kind of like everybody's cool with everybody. Yeah, all right. You guys got a little flamingo on your... You're not going to talk to you. Bobby's got a pineapple in his front yard.

I don't want them to talk to me. Don't you want to be a neighborhood guy? Don't you want you? beat like the people to be like, oh, Lewis, how are you? Yeah, you don't want them going. Louie! Louie! May I say something.

Hey. You don't want to throw those scatkins at you? Hey, Lewis. Woo. May I say something, please? Yeah, go ahead. It's also like when you're in a relationship and your wife is like buddies with a guy and you're like, why are you buddies with that guy?

What are you talking to that guy? It's just going to make them closer. Got to give her more reason to leave you. You got to be like, yeah, blow that guy. If you start doing this, now everyone hate, now they're like, now they're like, Like when it comes Halloween, they're like, you know who to fucking wipe the dog shit on the door handle? The fucking dog guy. That's a very good point.

If you are too resistant, you're going to get a bag of flame and shit on your front door on Halloween. We used to piss on the door handle of cars we didn't like or just random ones. We would like shit on fun. We would piss on door handles of cars for just random people in the winter and it would freeze piss on the door handles. A piscical? When you're going to work and you go, God, that's too yellow to be ice. Did you guys see the kid that got killed doing ding-dong ditching? No.

We called it Ring and Run. Isn't that funny? Did you say Ring and Run? We called it. We called it. Okay. Jesus Christ, dude. That's what we called it.

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That's why we did call it that though. We called it a ding-dong ditch, but a kid got killed. We called it Ring and Run. How do you go? Guy shot him. Guy did it. Kid ran and then I think you got to run fast enough. Yeah, dude.

I'm getting more conservative. I'm like, love it. Shoot him. Watch boys in the hood, dude. Ricky should have a zigzag. That's pretty, it must have been like in the suburbs, like in the country, right?

Yeah, I think it was in the south. Yeah. That's not a, it's not like a suburbs up here because houses are so close together. Well, Lewis might fucking join those ranks. If someone's dog poops on his lawn, you're really upset about this.

I'm really upset. Why? It's not a big deal. I get being upset. It's frustrated. The poop dries. It's dead. It goes away.

You could throw it at each other. Yeah, dude. You're not going to be out there. You're not going to be in the front of your lawn. Yeah, who walks around in their front lawn like a psycho? Oh, let me ask you this. What thing in your life could you purchase that you're okay with shitting, someone's shitting on it? It's crazy.

Yeah. It's actually crazy. A car, a bike, a bike helmet? A fucking lawn. A house with a lawn. A front lawn, dick. You know what is? Can I say?

I think the difference here is you guys are dog owners. So you're looking at it from that. I didn't choose dog They chose dog Dogs chose us I have a calendar that says that I have a terrible calendar that says that they chose us I didn't choose this life because life chose me

Okay what do you want Dude it's a gift and a curse You don't want that anxiety when you come home You just want it to what's up how are you doing No I'll do that too as long as it's not sure Lewis is going to go through his yard and go Okay Hey yeah I mean check down

Yeah certain things you got to let go dude The people parking in front of your house You're going to let it go. No, people are shitting in your yard. You don't let go. I can't tell if they're trolling you. I honestly don't know. It's not in your house.

It's on the front. Dog owners are the fucking worst. Yeah. They're the fucking worse. They think that their dogs are fucking, like they have souls like humans. They do. They're fucking critters. Humans don't have souls, you fucking idiots.

They're creatures. They're not creatures. They're extensions of our soul. I don't have a dog. Can I say something? If the dog comes up too far on his lawn? Crazy. I'm talking the skirt

Right at the front Right there Maybe right off You should wear a skirt You fucking girl I'm on the street The dog is on the leash He was on the street

He was standing on my lawn He was like in the middle of your lawn There's not sidewalk On in front of my lawn My lawn Come straight to the street You can never step on something on That is crazy

So I gotta walk the dog I have to stay in the street No he has to stay You better be on the street The dog A guy had long hair Ooh it made me angry Hey man

Tex James He left the shit Alesteine. Hey. Maybe. Text James. See if you left your shit in the lawn. No, no, he's not at home. My sister's there, though. Yeah, text. You're going to make her go out front and look for shit? Yeah.

A shit quest? Because if it is there, we got a whole second episode. I'm going to tell you right now, Bobby, little producer hat on right now. If there is a piece of shit in his lawn. Get her on FaceTime, though. Let's go live. Oh, yeah. She could go live. Let's go live. I want to do it on site investigate. Yeah, tell her she's on air. Go FaceTime live.

Put her on a shit quest. Oh, man, I want to see if that... I'm going to open your banana. Do you mind? No, absolutely. You could eat it. He's going to do with his asshole. I go, please.

I need to relax my butt. I got to relax my butt. Hello? What's up? Hey, you're on the regs. Oh, fine. Yeah, hell yeah. What's up?

So, as I was leaving today, there was a guy with long hair walking his dog across my lawn, and the dog started to take a shit. Can you go check and see if he left his shit? because I'm going to murder somebody. Oh, please, Janice. Please let there be shit. I will check for the shit. If the shit's there...

You don't have to touch it. You don't have to do it because we got a whole second episode of the regs of Lewis losing his mind. Yeah, so please, go check. Let me know the shit. Please. Right towards the front of the yard.

You want to bet? You want to bet 20 bucks that their shit is there? He picked it up. 100% he picked it up. I'll father who out and have... You want to bet? Yeah, 20 bucks.

I say that the shit's still there. I'm saying that... He picked it up. I'm saying he picked it up. He definitely picked it up. I'm already losing 20 if that's that. That's... Oh, please, me.

She steps in it. She goes, oh, shit. Oh, shit. She slipped. Roll around. Oh, and then I rolled in it. Oh, and I have my church white shirt on. Oh, my God.

It's in my mouth. Oh, no, I keep slipping to get up, and I'm falling face first of it. She's dead. Oh, no. Oh, no. You lose your sister. James comes home. He goes,

Oh, Janice was dead. He was dead. She was going to shit and blood on the front. I think it was head trauma from her falling from slipping in shit. The sprinklers were going on. Did she find it or no? Just stopping when it hits her.

We did high school sprinklers. I think we're pretty clear out here. I don't see zero shit. How far up was it, though? How far up was it? All right. Goodbye. I thought her name was Louisa.

Here's your blood money. Hey, can we get cookies? Cookies on Dan Chalkin' Chook cookies Two What are you crazy $20 worth $5, 10, 20

No, crumbull sucks Crumble sucks Go to the other place I'm not eating cookies What's the other place Across the street Because you're practicing Can you maybe get some beef jerky

With that money Do you need another bucks too? You want beef jerky? Do we got a whole other Hey, we got a whole second episode, dog Good point We're gonna need that bucks Yeah some good beef jerky

Ideally low sugar Like not, not yeah, not fucking Jack Link's horse shit Good jerky Oh, Joe, you know what he like Jack Links isn't good You know what I like? Same initials as me Joe Liss Jack Links

It's big, it's in a white rap Why is it because it got a ton of sugar And flavoring and shit It's just hard and fucking crappy You want like a nice soft jerky Yeah, yeah Danny, you know, tell him what I like Tell him what he like

I don't know I'm seriously man That was very funny Danny's very funny Danny that was very funny because Bobby doesn't have his headphones on. Danny just comes on the mic and goes, I don't know. Danny, you know the fucking stuff I like.

I've had a talk. You've had, you've handed it to me, but I, if I thought I wouldn't know. Don't have the best fucking beef church. Oh, it's so good, but it's like, you know, it's hard to get. All right, too much talking. Shut up. Assholes. Danny, how good was that show at Mojo?

What's it called? Dojo. Great, you destroyed. Thank you. All right. We get it. Wow. Rush, a Dojo.

You know what? Crush City. Don't ever call it. Don't ever call it. you got to chill dude he's got to learn you got to learn I'm gonna get you a whistle I've never been on more edge buddy the past two weeks buddy I'm getting you

this whistle you buy a house the worst thing that ever happened to you why no it's the best you're supposed to relax it's never ending you know how much a rail is a rail a rail I paid 300 for an Asian woman a couple weeks yeah that was just to play with his butt not to fuck a minute what do you mean a rail

I got to fucking put a railing on my a railing yeah 4,200 This is what I've been talking about And you guys keep calling me a fucking see it Don't buy a house I know! It's just so great. To splice this was an old episode

You and soda are a bunch of fucking lame ass apartment It's crazy. You know what happens? I got to re-sod my yard. It's going to cost me nine grand. Guess what I do? I call down and I go, hey, Romanian guy. Come on up here. Let's talk about why the sink isn't working. I don't got to worry about nothing. Dude, you don't have to sod your yard.

Just have them fucking seat it. Don't sawd it. It's the whole thing, dude. Dan sawed it. They did saw it. And they didn't water it while it was all summer long, these fucking, I don't want to get anti-Semitic, but you know. You already are. The anti-Semitic Jewish landscapers?

I've never heard of that. No, the people who saw it in the house. The people won't own the house. I'm telling you right now, we did the edging. It looks tremendous. Who's working on your lawn? I've got to get in there. The sod with the water.

They didn't turn the sprinklers system on for six months. So literally I had to replace half the sprinkler system. Yeah, but you got a sprinkler system. Yeah. So, dude. Man, Bobby thought that was going to pay off. You thought that was going to snap Lewis out of it. Now it just turns all the dog shit into mud.

You go, oh, oh, that's so funny. And now it only takes two hours to get to work. Bobby's like, dude, you got sprinklers, though. And Lewis is like, it does it, ground rains whenever I want it to. Sprinkles are great. They are. The sprinkler systems are great, but it's, you know, not if you have dog shit. Once you get the little things done that you want, the way you're going to be fine.

Oh, that's why your lawn sucks. So they think no one lives in the house. They go, oh, this is an old haunted place. This is the old Metcalf place. He's the long guy? Yeah, they go, I heard he lives in the basement. That's the son. He grew up.

That long guy never comes outside. It does anything. Oh, he just yells at dogs. How much do you love your backyard, though? That's great. But it's a lot. It's a lot. The house is amazing.

So you say overall, don't buy a home. no obviously buy a home but it's it's there's just like it's a lot more costs than you think because you think you're putting down x amount of dollars you think there's closing costs and then there's like another like 40,000 worth of just costs for little things like that i'll tell you what kills me is that when you say you make $700,000 for your house and then the real estate person gets 6% yeah writing that check for somebody who just went yeah go ahead check it out that's the living room. It's nuts.

If you have a good real estate estate agents, we do a lot more than that. We need a soft place for hot people to land. Because hot people get old and they need a place to go and they go into the room.

When I sold my apartment in New York, I had my friend go down and they did nothing. They just sat in the kitchen. They didn't even walker. It's 700 square foot one bedroom apartment in New York. They didn't even take them downstairs

and show them. Show them. Didn't even do that. Dan Soder came here. She came all up inside the shower. It's a lot of money for what they do. It should be like 3%.

Yeah. Not six. Real estate agents are going to be flooding your DMs going, shut the fuck up. I mean, God bless you. They make a lot of fucking money, dude. A lot of money. 30-something thousand dollars. That's crazy.

That's a fucking fat check. Yeah, it's a teacher salary. What? Saudi Arabia for that amount. For sticking a sign up in your front lawn and then having a day where you have cookies out and you go, hi, sign here. Oh, we put all our stuff away. There is other.

I mean, look, they, you know, my real estate agent did everything from, you know, helping with the inspection, getting the right inspector, negotiating on my behalf, looking out for me, like, there was a bunch of things that had to be.

He is Puerto Rican. They had a bunch of things that, like, with the house that, like, still had to be. The little things that were like. But he's fucking their real estate agent. Yeah, dude,

you're blown her back out. What's his name? Oh. No, mine did a pretty good job, and their real estate agents did a pretty good job. I understand. They do, look it,

they're fine. They're fine. A lawyer does nothing. It's just a lot. You pay the lawyer a crazy amount of money to literally just watch you sign. A lawyer is just a tough guy

That stands behind you Yeah You go this is my friend He's gonna beat you up if you try anything Yeah I mean look they do they I'm not gonna try You're right

They do do stuff But it's a big check It's not Is it 30,000 How much did you have to You pay a lot of money I don't even know A lot

You wrote a fat fucking check It's never ending To those people It's crazy Mine ends once a month I'm like this Here you go See later

Today I went Don't talk to me until next month Fuck that Owning the house is the best I bought all new furniture. Did you now? Where'd you go? Six-year payment plan, $90 a month.

I'm so broke. Oh, my God. You're going to take. I'm so broke. I can't believe you gave them an opportunity to take a couch away from you. Oh, yeah. They're going to come in, and James is going to be like,

I love that couch. Dude, my couches. Is it a sectional? Sectional wrap around like seven pieces. Yeah. Deep, long. Oh, fun. No to the ground.

Oh, is it soft? I've never been able to fall asleep on my couch. I had leather couches before. I hate leather couches. It's soft. Dude, I literally, I went to, my head hit the little pillow on the couch, and I just went to sleep. Yeah, bye, Joacup startled. We didn't even talk about your Instagram posts and my comment.

What? What? Louis J. Homes. Killed. Got over a thousand likes. That was big. It's crazy that made his weekend. Over a thousand likes, doggie.

Marty's crying, and he goes, I have to check how many likes. That's real like, Simple Joe. Louis J. Holmes. We got it. It's no blue J. O'Kerson. Let me check the likes. I came up with that one, too. It's no blue J. O'Kerson, for sure.

Oh, fuck. I'm just, like, exhausted. I'm never, it's never ending, it's never ending. So you're not settled? No, I moved in Wednesday. Oh, shit. I've been there for five days. By Christmas, you'll be all settled in,

and you're gonna, you're gonna be so happy. What's the ghost, sitch? Do you think someone got murdered there? No, no, no. The house that I put in an offer for before this, somebody was actually murdered. It was called the... Murder house?

The Van Something House. and the people that owned it it's a 300 year old house I almost bought it was crazy my fucking my possible ex-girlfriend that was her idea she was like no we can make love by candlelight and the ghosts can walk

lot chicks always love spooky shit I love apparitions it was the judge that owned the house and yeah like the person that he put in prison he got out and came and murdered him and his wife in the house and that is called long-term planning if a judge puts you

away you wait he got him out and then you get him out but that was a it was a crazy house really cool really cool really cool but this house is way better this that's better for me not as haunted that place had more land this place is this place has a lot of land but the not as much as the other one that was that was that was a that was like a triple lot you could put another house yeah you could have sold i could have sold a lot there's definitely ghosts on there if that big of a lot it was a 300 year old house the problem was to renovate it because the walls do bleed Like, I needed a kitchen. That is the problem.

You'll be a little cold in the winter, but not from the insulation, from the ghosts. From the apparition. The apparition. You will wake up with your son standing at your bed with his eyes rolled back in his head. Hey, do us a favor. Don't do laundry in the basement. Also, James will speak in tongues at certain points. Don't go buy that a hole in the wall.

It does come with two twin girls at the end of a long hallway. Who will ask to play with you forever, and ever, and ever. What did you take it down? I can't find it. Oh, I did. You did? Yeah, because people were finding the listing. Oh, no.

They were like, they were like, oh, that's where you live. Oh, no. Oh, no. That was my biggest post in my life. I didn't put anything on the outside. It's put, like, the inside. So people would just sort of looking up Zillow and they were like, oh, no way. And they found it?

Oh, yeah. When the first person found it, were you like, you son of a bitch, be a detective. Well, that's when I decided to get a gun. Yeah. That's not funny you said that. No shitting. And I have a gun. Okay.

You can go, you can go get a long gun like today. Go buy a shirt. Like a really lot, like a 40-foot gun. That'd be sick, dude. Lewis comes home with a gun. Get a 20-gauge shotgun. Who comes home with one of those joke pistols? Like Joker?

Yeah. Just a bang. No, I, I'm gonna get a handgun, obviously. Get a shotgun, dude. Spray that thing. No, because I don't want to have to clean up brains

off my kitchen. I do. I want a raspberry jelly all over my white walls. Shotguns, you don't clean up brains because it's just little pellets. Not if you saw it off. If you shoot somebody in the fucking head,

you're cleaning up brains. Well, don't do it two feet away. Do it like... Don't run up on me. No, I fucking spray James in the side of his face. You go back up. Back up. I don't want brains on my fridge.

I go like this. I go like this. I put the gun in their stomach and I go, pah! Yeah, it's hard. You're a bit slap wrapping on your cocaine tongue on my motorcycle.

You get nothing done. He goes, have you seen this boy? You're picking up James at school. Have you seen this boy? Yeah, you've got to take the 16 hour course, I think. Damn, Lewis ain't going to make it through a 16-hour course.

For a hand gun, not a long gun. A long gun, you just go down and buy. And they'll just do 15 minutes. check it out and then they go what's your temperament like you go let's take it too long on 15 minutes they go all right your shotgun's ready here's your shotgun in your armor piercing bullets here's your psychological evaluation we're gonna let this dog shit a good one why is he doing that there's a sign right there so you we're gonna shut the sprinklers off for two months no you know it's because I grew up so poor that

every dollar I spend I just feel like you're getting ripped off emotional about like i like i worked so hard for it like nothing was ever given to me so every dollar i'm like no i don't want to hold on to it as they're pulling it away you like no no that's what you say when you're standing a new check no we need the check for the house mr gumman no i'm your real estate lady please please give me my 35000 dollar check my blood money i've done nothing i got two minutes left and i don't care if you did nine eleven Yeah, why are you fucking trading them to not land? That was the giveaway.

One minute left. Oh, so you don't know. You know, I really enjoyed the part where you put women in their place, but the last five minutes was not enjoyable. We're doing 90 minutes for both these shows, right? Yeah, a little break between? Yeah, a little kissing break. Let's the plugs right quick. A little kiss break.

Hi, I'm Dan Soder, and I'm on the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. September 25th in Los Angeles. We're going to shit on that lawn. and that thorn and that longs across the country Seattle at the Moore Theater September 26th please buy tickets and then I will be in Tucson October 4th at the Rialto

I think Denver at the Paramount it's close to sold out but danceorder.com for a full list and please go to punchup dot live to sign up and watch my movie watchalongs I just put up me and Sagalow watching 8 mile it's very fun I watch a movie with you yeah I'd love to do a movie watch one of the regs have done on none of them because you guys

always fucking flake out when I try to I've never flaked that once. You've invited me once. I showed up. You flake that on my podcast. Did I? Yeah. But we'll do a movie watch long.

That'll be very fun. Tim Dillon and I are about to do Made in Manhattan with Jennifer Lopez. Nice. So it'd be fun. Dan Soder.com and punchup. Dot live, Dan Soder. Next.

My film, Tom Dustin Portchard of a comedian, is out right now, and the sales are blowing me away. I thank you all for doing it. I haven't been on a single podcast. We've sold a lot of cops. Now you're a multimillionaire. That's right.

And it's $6 for the... What? $6 is less than a fucking Starbucks coffee. If you guys hit me up, I'll send you the free link. I have a screener link. If you just send me a DM. Unlimited views. I watched 80% of it.

That's great. If I did this during your body brain coffee, we'd have... We've had... Honestly, Joe. We've literally had blowout. This is the verbal... Remember this.

This is the verbal equivalent of him pooping on your lawn. This is nuts. Remember it. He is $6. Don't poop on his lawn, but heaven for me. Obviously, I'm not going to really fucking give them a free link. Yeah, but you're like, I watched 80% of it.

You don't say it's good. You couldn't get through it. It was incredible. This movie. I wish that's incredible. I wish that really happened. Austin, this weekend, mothership. It's pretty close to sold out, but don't get shut out.

I think the late Sunday shows. What the fuck are you doing it? He's doing what he does. He's doing what he does. If we said this to you, we'd have to. So fucking sensitive about this. So fucking sensitive about it, but does it? And doesn't even know.

That big blowout, you did it first on that huge blowout. We had the fucking episode one. I'm sorry. You did it first. Hey, you know what? To me. I'm sorry. I've learned.

Hey. Thank you. And Denver comedy. And you learned it, you know, from others. Denver, Colorado, go see this man right here. Denver, we added a Sunday show. And then Irvine, California. Jesus, I got to buy a flight.

I didn't even know I was going to be in California. Yikes. Irvine, California, October 2nd, 3rd, and 4th, and then Dallas. Oh, the Addison Improv is incredible. Yeah, the movie's fucking cool. Is it? Go buy it. Six bucks. I love that. Addison Improv is great. Last time I was there was 15 years ago, and it was, a guy almost tried to murder me. Yeah, I mean, it's Texas, but it's fucking great.

Oh, it's great. Addison Improv rules. Great room. Five the movie. Six dollars. What the fuck? Lewis, what do you got? Come see me live on the road. I'm ending the Bring Five Friends Tour, right up to the end of the year. I got Portland, Maine coming up, September. 11th through 13th. Key West, Florida, September 18th, 19th. I got a movie about that comedy club. Oh, yeah. Great comedy club. Comedy Key West.

Levittown, New York governors coming up, Saratoga Springs, Kenosha, Wisconsin, Springfield, Missouri, Kenneyville, Chandler, Arizona, Nashville, this is all happening. It's going to be a goddamn blast. Wait, go back down. Did I miss one? Saratoga Springs. Did I say that? Yeah. Oh, you didn't say Blue Room. You didn't say Springfield, Missouri. Springfield, Missouri, Saratoga Springs. Come see me on the road, guys. Check out all my other podcasts, The Legion of Skanks, Story Wars, my solo podcast. Pre-order my book, Knives and Spoons, available on Amazon right now.

And, yeah, just fucking keep on being real-ass dudes. Hey, go to punchup.com. Slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. I'm all over the place this year. Make sure to check out my special on YouTube.com slash Robert Kelly Comedy. And my live from the Village Underground is available for free up on punchup. live go there right now and that's it what's up we're back

we're back okay we're back do you like that knife though huh it's cool I have knives but no guns no guns yet no cannons what's the story with this knife that's the knife that Lewis's father it's not true he died with a 12 inch blade

no that's the first that's actually a myth it wasn't a 12 inch blade yeah they were fighting with 12 inch blades but the guy put that down and I said this is too much for you I don't need this much He goes, you've got a tiny, sweet little pussy. He stabbed him with that. What's, what's, what happened to Big Kev?

The shirt guy. Oh, Lewis said he's a piece of shit. No, no, but I know, but I wasn't, I couldn't find his, do you have his number? I got to text him. Why? Because he sent me a box of shirts, and they touched my heart, and it was very nice. Yeah. But then I did comedy dojo, and I was trying to sell him, so I kind of zinged him.

I was like, ah, I don't give a shit about these stupid shirts. Come on, buy one. But I want to text him and say, I love the shirts. I'm touched by the shirts. Oh, because you're afraid that he's going to be sensitive. And I'm glad that you're... Not sensitive, but I don't want to have his number on the show. So you don't even have his number.

No, I don't have his number. We've DM on Instagram, but I couldn't find it. I thought he's your merch guy. No? He's not my merch guy. Oh, I thought he was your merch guy. I'll send it to you. He's a sweet guy.

Very nice guy, and he sent me a free box of shirts that's making me money. Lewis Burner Bridge, but... I mean, we bust balls on the show. Relax. It's just not a big deal. He spelled Regs wrong. What do you want me to say? Did he spell regs wrong?

Yes. What do you spell it? R EGS. It's fine. I don't care. I was just busting balls. We know who put the Z on it. I'm going to get you one of these, man.

You need a fucking, a Cozumo. A Cozumo? It's a Cizzo. The wrestler from Japan? A homo. A sumo champion? It's Comuso. Camuso Wizzu.

Yoko Zuna. That's for the champion of the tournament. Why was Okos Zono champ? That was such a bad call. Just a fat guy. It was unbelievable. Who couldn't. talk. By the way, he was very athletic.

He was very good in the beginning. Then he got really bad. He became, the thing became... But it just could have been fucking Jake the Snake. It was a guy that literally didn't talk. Sumo... Sumo's being chubby as a sumo is a sign of honor. Well, he wasn't really Japanese, so... He was like, he spoke like a bro from Brooklyn. Yeah, he was like, hey, bro.

He's like, bread to him and heart. And then you had Mr. Fuji go, from the Orient. Yoko Zuna. He's like, what are you doing my bit? No, I nail it. That's some 1980s shit. Whoa. I'm over here like this.

We didn't talk about the Rampage Jackson's son beating the shit ass psycho stew. Wild. That was crazy. What was that wrestling? That was, I know. That was a wrestling. That was a mentally ill man in a ring punching another man. No, but that was a wrestling.

What reference? Yeah, it was an indie circuit. And they did a, they did a thing where I didn't, I didn't watch all the clips. I watched everything. What happened was they were out front and he did this guy. The wrestler. Hit him with a fake can. And then he...

The Todd Barry movie? What's that? The wrestler, Todd Barry. Yeah, it's great. He was good. And then he goes, you're not going to sell it? Because he was serious.

He thought he was going to sell it. Which is a term they use when they do a bit. They were filming. He was doing live streaming. So the guy... Which is, they do that all the time. The wrestler thought he was like, oh, we're on camera. We're going to go a bit right now.

This guy's a rampage accent. This is the work. He thought it was just going to be like a fun thing. We're going to get this guy involved. And then, the black guy who's in a M. A fighter was like, yo, I don't play that shit. But then they calmed down.

And he was like, oh, he thought it was a bit. He broke character. He was like, I'm sorry. He apologized. And then on the stream, he's still streaming the whole time while the match's happening. And he's telling his live stream. He's like, I'm going to fuck this guy up.

He's like, they're going to have to pull me off this guy. You're going to see. And then people are calling him a bitch in the chat. And they're getting him more and more. Yeah, that was working himself? If you were on that chat and you weren't even paying attention to go, was he watching wrestling? They'd fuck him up.

You're looking at another screen And then you go back and go, oh no, oh no What's the last comment I had? So this guy, oh fuck, he's going to prison, right? He hasn't been arrested yet. I don't understand. So he's on Kansas saying, I'm going to fuck this guy. The other guy's out of the hospital right now.

If I'm rampant Jackson and honestly, I'm like, yo, I'll give you the money, Psycho Stu. Don't press charges. Here's a hundred grand. A hundred. Yeah, I mean, what else are you going to give him? Instead of lawyer fees, instead of going to jail, that's what, that's my angle. Yeah.

Whoa. Let's wait to whirl. I think I'm a grown man. I'll eat when I want a funny. I know how it is. Oh, he's about to go Raja Jackson. How do you say the guy's name? Fans don't like when we eat on microphone.

I don't care what they want. It's disgusting. We never cared what they want. No, we do. We care. I literally care. I care. Do you care?

I care about my audience. What if your fans have their dog shit on your lines? What are you going to do that? I'd say, wow, what a great audience. I'd say, buy tickets to the golden retriever of comedy tour. Wow, what a great audience. You've seen this? You've heard about this?

Yeah, this guy's a fucking mental. Well, he went in, so he knocked him out on the slam, and then he got on top of him and gave him about 25 shots to the head when he was unconscious. 19 shots. Yeah, they counted 24. I think 19 hit, though. Oh, I don't know, but he finally got pulled off, and then the guy was in the hospital. You think he kept on hitting him and waking him up with every other show?

Like when those people do that swing shot thing And they pass out And then wake up and they're still on And they pass out That happened in UFC I think it was Old school UFC A guy gets the elbow

And he's knocked out And he's knocked out and he's hit back again And he's like A guy knocked out I believe it was Who the fuck? One of the Russian guys Knocked him out

Vladimir Then he punched him again Woke him up He goes thank you Guy woke up and knocked him out That's crazy That happened in an old school Frank Trigg versus

GSP fight Where I think he like Someone got knocked out I might be wrong with the names but it was like an old school so I used to watch a lot of UFC with you

I'd go over to like your house and watch it and the guy got knocked down and hit again and he bounced off and was like blubbblah yeah he woke up he's like oh

are we still fighting what happened I said ufc UFC you don't like it I'm running out of no no that's how you pronounce it

UFC oofk folks folks what are you doing are you taking things away from him just don't take this away yeah no

that's the only thing you can keep that's how That's the laugh you should have. Yeah, that is. You're looking at what nature should have given you. Yeah. Oh, who we go laugh.

Joe's mad. He just wants his cookies. Fun. You guys are so funny. I take it back. You don't look young. Whatever, dude. I was giving you a fucking joke.

Why does everybody so sensitive today? I don't know. Not sensitive. You don't look. You don't look young. I was lying. I look old. You look old. You look really old.

All right. Who, who, who, goo, goo. Damn, dude. Now that he's got that laugh, you're fucked. Now, any time he wants to get to you, he's got to do that life. Which way did you go? Oh, that's great.

All right, listen. All right, listen. Listen, what? He does look. What do you got? Um, I think he. What do you say, listen? I'm listening.

What are you got? Nothing. You got nothing. Oh, who? What do you got, guys? Oh, gee, I'm ready to eat some cookies. All right. I've got $2 million in the bank

$2.5. $2.5. I like cookies. Listen. I think this guy should go to jail. 100%. Absolutely. Should go to jail.

Hot take. And he should. Hold on. Spicy jail might be my favorite jail. I'm excited for this back end of this episode to be spicy jail. Give me a real take. He should be shot. No.

What the fuck? Why would he be shot? He should have to fight. His dad in order to get the charges dropped. Who's dad? Rampage's son should have to fight Rampage. He's going to fight his son. Yeah.

Why would he fight his dad? Get out of those charges. Oh, that's stupid. All right. Well, sorry. Sorry, I work for the courts. You know, it would be great. You should fight your dads.

If this was... They're all dead. Right. I don't know where my dad is. Yeah, that's the bit. Okay. I, uh... It's punching the ground.

Yeah. Ah! I'm just in water because I think they spread him in a lake. I'm like, they spread him in a lake. If you died and you got cremated. Are you guys being cremated or buried? Cremated.

I'm planning on living. Immortality. Mortality, okay. He's going to be jumped into a... You think Joe's going to be the longest? He's going to be the one who lives the longest? Absolutely. I don't even think there's any doubt about it. You're old.

He's Puerto Rican. I got a giant head. It's harder for my heart to pump blood up into my head. I just looked. So, no, I didn't. Motherfucker. Yeah, but you... No, don't try to.

Don't come at me. Your stomach, your throat. You're not getting any of these. Why are you attacking everybody? I'm not attacking. This is what happens. This is the toss. What happens when a hungry boy doesn't get his cookie.

Oh my God. Have a cookie. Eat a cookie. Who's going to live the longest? When we've done this, and soda has a lot of problems. What's your favorite cereal? Eight times.

Small bag. You love small batch. I do love small batch. And you finally got some. Oh my God. Ladies and gentlemen, you got to get Small Badge. Let me tell you a quick story. First of all, I've been texted with Bill Burr

every day about baseball. Oh, that's fun. Because of Boston? Yeah. Well, the other day, I was texting with him. I said, hey, I'm not listening to the game.

I'm going to get a cigar at New York City, Sagabah. Now, sometimes I forget what New York City is or means. I forget what we live. Sure. I pop into New York City Sagabah. And I go, hey, you guys sell bats here. You try to sound cool.

Yeah, you want to sound like you're not a poser. I'm in the know. Hot lady, big boots, cool place. She goes, yeah, they're right over there. $48 for $18 cigar. I texted Bill. I texted Bobby. That's that city markup, baby.

Bobby writes, where the fuck are you leave? And I felt too embarrassed. So I bought a $50 cigar. No, don't be Joe. Don't be Joe. This is why you got to go to small bat cigar. And I know it's not, I know you're not going into the store and buying it, but they got lightning fast shipping. And

when they send it to you, they're the first online vendor to provide free shipping on every order along with those sweet ass bovita pouches. That way those cigars come out like they're just right out of the jungle of Cuba. Well, I fucked up. I didn't reorder my small batch. I'm taking responsibility.

I didn't get my small batch order. I fucked up. Repent. And so last minute, it was a beautiful day. I have a balcony. I was like, let me go get a cigar. I rode the bike. It was 50 fucking dollars. I literally could have gotten 100 cigars for that amount. Should have stayed at home? I should have called a small batch. It waited.

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Really? Yeah. Lucky charms. Money charms all day. Honey. Golden Cerems. Honey Cheerios. You are a moron.

Golden grams. Golden grams fucking rules. Golden grams is crazy. Come at me. Fruit loops are kind of terrible. Apple Jackson are terrible. Apple Jackson are terrible. Apple Jacks are great.

Honey chris are good. We're unironically doing this. Fruit loops. Fruit loops. It was like. Fruit loops. about her favorite fucking cereal. And they were like,

no, for real, though, Apple Jacks. I let them fucking. Fruit Loops is spelled funny. It's got a cool toucan and it makes the best remaining milk. No.

Coco Krispies makes great milk. What do you eat? You're like cream of wheat. You know it's very good tapioca pudding. I love tapioca pudding. You don't love tapioca pudding?

Oh, and then I listen to it. I love the cream of farina. Oh, I put on some deep cream of Farina. What? Cream of Farina. What the, I have my up.

It's a thing. I have my prunes. I got to look your jokes up. I listen to my Duke Ellington. What a fucking asshole. Cream of Perina. Some delicious grits. Is that dog food?

You can't just throw a fucking random shit. That's what you're going in. Paltrow sells the dog. Cream of Perina? Farina, you fucking jerk up. That is Farina? It's not cream. I'm telling you right now, this is not the cream of me.

It's cream of wheat or farina. Not both. Babi, listen to me. Stupid. You fucking idiot. This is cream of wheat and rich Farina. You fucking. No.

Cream of wheat. And then there's Farina. Fat old bitch. It's not cream of I'm retired Chicago cop Dennis Farina Every morning I wake up with a bowl of Farina

And it ain't the recipe My mother gave me It's a different one Is it cream of Farina? Cream of Farina I come in every bag You put water in it And then you're eating

Cream of Farina. Is he dead? Frosted flakes are great. Yeah. Frosted flakes are crazy. Rosset flakes fucking rule. Rosset Flake's my man. I love getting fucked by

Big Hartoon Tiger. They're fucking great. They're great. They're great. Great. It actually does. That is the tag one. Yeah.

I'll give you that. Krispy cream. Oh, my God. Bobby put cereal. Bobby put a donut with milk. Bobby's like, yeah. Bobby goes,

yeah, you have a dozen. You have a dozen. That's a bowl. That's in there with milk is a bowl of fucking cereal. Oh, sweet Christ. How are you not dead?

Dude, I'm having a bowl of donuts. That, Kris cream, she's taking them and put them in a bowl. You mush it with a fucking spoon. What's the cookie wine? Cookie crisps? Cookie Suck dick

They go No milk Get some Mushy way too quick Dude have you guys Had chocolate munchkins In a bowl Dude what about

Chocolate cake cereal It's a whole chocolate cake And then it's milk You guys don't do that You guys don't do rack of ribs cereal It's just barbecue ribs Dude check it out We're gonna pick a cheesecake

We're gonna coat it and milk Kris cream's gonna send her in this whole thing What is it a Krispy cream? He'd be like, what the fuck are you eating? Oh, my God. During the pandemic, they were selling oatmeal cream pie cereal for a little bit. I love cream pie. Yeah, you like getting combed in.

Joe likes getting cumbed in. No, you eat the come out of your wife or whatever. Fucking gross. That is disgusting. Oh, it's disgusting. Hey. Come out of a fucking. Oh, I visual.

I've done it by accident before. What? We go down after the cream pie? There's someone else here? How do you do that? You forgot you came in her pussy? No, you just fucking go back down. You're going on and you're like, oh, it's sleeping.

What? That's not an accident. That's actually a yeast infection. Also, that has to be pretty quick. It has to be like you came and then you're like. Yeah, how long does she keep it in there? She hold her breath. Let go.

Let go. He puts it under it. Real women don't shoot it out. Drip pan. I'm doing a bit. You eat your own cum out of women's pussies? I did. I have by accident.

I don't get to by accident. I went down on her and then right after you. came, come seeped in a man, like an hour later. Dude, that's great. You have a cubs been sitting there for an hour? What kind of cum camel are you fucking? Who's holding on to come for an hour? That's great. The body expels it. The pussy's like an owl, an

owl. She's hibernating. She goes, hold on, I've come from a month ago. You totally forgot. You totally forgot. You just didn't think it was going to seep into your mouth. What? Why? Why? No one would an hour later. That's fucking. I love

pussy. I'm sorry. I can't stay away from pussy. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that once I have a taste, I can't stop. I'm doing a gag. You're actually gagging on your own mouth. I would do. That's fucking horrible. What did you do when you case?

How did you know it was yours? Well, you're like, whatever the flavor is just not good. You know, I do need more pineapple in my diet. Are you offended when a girl, like, fucking, you come in her mouth and she's like, she runs over to the sink and spits it out like it's disgusting? No. I go, oh, I go, hey, my mother made that. That's my mother.

recipe. Stude' arts. You fucking bitch, my mother made it. I would be offended, but I'm not happy. You fucking chooch. Put that in your mouth.

You fucking swallow your bites. And you can be fucking all there to make it out of your mouth. I've been ruining that all day. I've been sitting with a hotball bag all fucking day. That's a Sunday sauce and you're spinning out. I've been mixing it around.

But then you don't want them to like it. You want them to like, or, or she goes, your turn. And you go, Oh, you nasty boy. I had a comic do that to me once.

I won't say who, but I came in her mouth and she fucking snowballed me against my will. It was fucking rape. Against your will? I didn't know. I didn't know. She held it. A good minute and a half.

One of the funniest stories. Minute and a half? My buddy fuck this girl. What? Really? She goes, like a prank. She goes, Mm-hmm.

She goes, do you want to go to dinner? She goes, hey, hold on, before you want out. She's just pooling it. Oh. Before you want out with that? Come here? Hey, Wolfs. She's like the great mooder.

She blinds here. I mean, the green spray. It's pretty funny. I'll text everyone who it is. And it's black. Lewis's jizz is all black. It's so fucking funny.

Ah, it's in my eyes. The ref didn't see it. I'm excited for this. I'm excited to get this fucking. I'm going to read it on screen. Now it's just one time. I know who it is. You don't know who it is.

Sure I do. Oh, wow. Yikes. Jessica Curson. Oh, really? Yeah, a little bitch. That's funny. That's very funny.

Wow. Come on. Come on. Oh, go, go, my, bo, bo, blah. Ah. Wow. She sprays it like a miss. Come in a minute.

That's such a... Like, uh, was a wrestler that of the green... That's what I said. The great mooder. That's what I said. She's great mooters here. And you go, oh, son of a bitch. Oh, the ref wasn't even looking.

You know, though, that's a fucking dick move. That's a... I'm going to get you back. What? Spray cum at you? No, to snowball a guy against his will. Yeah, that's crazy. This fucking nuts.

You better nutting her without her knowing it. Yeah. Oh, come on, Dan. Time to fucking stealth this bitch. You go, oh, you go, hey, remember your little prank? I pulled off my condom in IV. Hey, you go, welcome to the world AIDS, bitch. I was going to write it on the mirror and lipstick.

But I was going to tell you face-to-face. April Fool's, you have AIDS. I go, oh, I'm a bug jaser. Next time we come in her mouth, you just hold her nose and mouth. No, I never come in her mouth again. It was, yeah. Yuck. Wasn't it?

Wasn't good. No, shit. No, bad. Wow. Good to know. We stop fucking. Dan, I don't trust you with that. Yeah, please.

Not that I don't trust you. I'm the most skilled with cut. No, you're not. You've never had a father to teach you how to use a knife correctly. I've had a lot of mom's boyfriends who have threatened me with these. Yeah, that's not the same.

Put it down. A knife is a mom's boyfriend gift. Yeah, absolutely. Here's a knife with your name on it. He goes, please go hurt yourself. I find you being a little insensitive about a gift. Probably got you a really nice gift. You have barely said,

Thank you. You said it's okay and I have other knives. I didn't say it's okay at all. I said I loved it. No, you said... You're just making things up, Joe. You said it's fine. No, did you say that? Joe List the liar. Did you say that? A lot of people are calling Joe List the liar. He's a liar. Big liar.

And you said, I have lots of knives. You said you have lots of knives. I have knives. I just said I have knives. Yeah, you really go. I got tons of bitches at home. No, well, I mean, I was just saying that I like knives and this is a... Oh, do you give us a receipt? You fucking faggett? What is it? Wow.

Wow. So he's on his way? Yeah, he's coming. All right, cool. Is the guest? Well, you know, I don't agree with guests. The note said it's on his way. That's all I said.

I don't agree with guests. I think we need a spice. Why don't you take a knife out? And the guest comes, you kill them. I don't agree with that. I am kind of on board of the site. I don't agree with no guests. If you stab them, we'll never have a guest.

You guys are like, oh, we need a fucking guest to get more viewer. But, you know, whatever. I didn't say that. Nobody said that. Nobody said that. Yeah, you did. Can you give him the knife, please? No.

What? He's fired up. He's going to kill our guest. I said, if we had, let's have a guest, see what it does. See what people like it. See if people, maybe there's more of you. It's going to ruin the rhythm, no matter who it is. Norton would be great.

He's the best of all time. I really believe that. I think we do good by ourselves. I think so, too. I think we do great by ourselves. I say, let's see what happens. I think if we were a little more consistent, we would probably, the show. Now, this is a debate I'd like to have.

Please. Because I hear this a lot about consistency. But as a podcast, why do you go to your phone as soon as I start to make my point? No, I was checking the time. He has ADHD, man. So do I. So do I. What'd you say?

I got to imagine Dan does also. We're a bunch of retires. No, I'm cool. I'm a podcast consumer also. Great. I'm not only the president. I'm also a client. Dan, will you let them finish?

I listen to several podcasts. They come out when they come out. I go, sweet, it's out. I'm like that one just took a month off I've never I've never And sitcoms When we were kids growing up

They were on They didn't have been any more consistent though They were 8 o'clock Tuesday night For three months And then they took fucking eight months off Yeah and then they come back And I never went I never went hey hey hey oh

This guy hasn't come out My favorite pod is out But they didn't come out for a few weeks You're saying do a season A season or whatever I'm saying consistent Consistency is not as important. A season ain't a bad idea.

But, but I also listen to podcasts where if they have a guest that I love, I'm like, I've got to hear that. Even if I've never listened to the show before, Woody Allen is on Bill Myers podcast. I'm like, holy shit, Woody Allen is that weird hang in his basement? If we get Woody Allen, it was huge. Is it possible that you could be a little less of a prick? Woody Allen on this show would rule. Oh, my guy goes, Bobby, you fed. Joe's got a tiny mouth.

And that's coming from a guy that fell in love with his daughter. My point is... I'm not going to take the Bumdana. You just didn't get it? I'm not... I don't touch it. I'm sorry. And... Do you?

He goes, I don't like his voice. Oh, he's like a big creature. He's so good. Oh, he's so funny. I don't like Dan. His head, it makes me nervous. It's going to crush me. The people that we have...

It's wonderful. I love them. But there are people that maybe don't listen to the show, but they go, wait, Jim Norton's going to be on there? I love Norton. Are you pitching? Woody Allen for this show? I would love to have Woodard.

That would be awesome. I'm not going to like. Woody Allen, I would make it so he would never want to do a podcast again. Or he's like, I'm actually a real-ass dude myself. I don't know if you know this, but to date your daughter,

you've got to be a pretty real-ass dude. But no one's ever like, I love that podcast. You know why? It comes out every Tuesday. They say, that's what I do to my life. I don't think that the consistency and knowing.

I would eat it come. Knowing that you could have it, My favorite cereal is Frosted Flakes. He goes, first off, regular Cheerios. And I've ate my own come out of Sue. Bobby's pussy. Bobby, you eat balls of donuts. Yeah, he goes, Bobby thought we were talking about dessert.

Hilarious. He's just way on board. Woody Allen's a Red's head. He's one of the guys. He's just the guy who's just trashing us online. We're going to get along with this. I don't know. Maybe Dan could take a second to not interrupt.

I get your point though I get your point A guest brings in people that normally wouldn't listen And maybe that gets them home And it could be fun All of a sudden, hey, Norton says the thing Norton Well, of course he's going to

We have no doubt that any guests that we get Is it going to be funny It's just we've been doing this Yeah, I feel like this is the show This is the show And you want to make it like every other podcast Where they have somebody else on No, that's not true

I think if people could depend on us to be every Wednesday night or even every other Wednesday night every time they know it's there. I think when you lose the place in their rotation, if you're just not coming out consistently. They're creatures of habit. Yeah, but we're also four people with four busy schedules. So it's difficult in order for us

to get together. This isn't 15 years ago. Well, we all could show up every Tuesday at 1 o'clock. We do pretty goddamn good. Yeah, we like move stuff around. Well, I think we would never miss if we communicated better. There was, like, we didn't have to miss this month. We could have gotten ahead of it or did we on Zoom. We could have

easily got it was literally what happens is we're here and it's like Joe today at the beginning of the show said I'm going to be out the next two Tuesdays you should be out the next three Tuesday I was kidding right but I'm saying communicating we could just get ahead of it that and it would be consistent so no I don't I think that it does matter

and I think yeah people fucking bail on it I think this isn't a show that I can depend on it I don't think people will bail on it people get excited about it I understand the lack of the frustration and lack of consistency but I don't think people there's a few people that may do you guys should do I think we're there we're pretty consistent with this show. If people listen

to this podcast the way I listen to podcasts, they're just playing video games and we're just in the background. And people say this is the funniest podcast. Make a good job on that move on that video game. That was really cool. You just did. It's a very funny show. And as far as consistency, that's my pet. I recommended

recording two in a day a long time ago and I was dismissed. You were? And I want to tell you right now, on air, I was wrong and I think it's a good idea. I don't think it's a great idea to do it all the time. I don't think that I think we can do double. This is a great example. You're out for two weeks,

so we're doing two today because of that, and we're ahead of it. Yes, of course. As a worst case scenario. Actually, we're doing two today because Bobby was out for two weeks. The next time we do two in a day, that'll be because I was gone for two weeks.

I hate when we get serious. We're not serious. Hey, guys, come on and watch us. We're having a business meeting on air. Watch our, what's the cleaners. People like to hear. House clean. People don't want to hear our business.

Tip the house cleaners. Sometimes they do. They don't want to hear us eat for on four minutes. Like a microphone, dickhead. who cares what they fucking want to hear you why do you get so angry is bobby why do you get pretty good bobby hey i'm not going to lie just cutting these two out real quick why do you get so angry because he's because you're a hypocrite whoa why am i you're a hypocrite you get mad at everything and then we do something you fuck you fuck with him with his fucking when he's selling his

shit you trash him that's then when you sell your shit we got to cut it up you're also make everything i don't wow because you just said we uh they don't both they don't want They don't want to... You're fat, too. Not as fat as you. You're fat again. Fat off. I'm getting back.

Yeah, well, you're not now. Pretty close. Have we ever talked about this? Who's fatter? Have you and you two ever had a debate on who's fatter? You're substantially fatter than me. Yeah, but you're fat. Bobby looks fucking ripped and young.

Bobby looks the best in the face of the four of us. Why do you get so mad? Best face. Why? Huh? What? Why do you get so mad? You're a big body.

You're a big, beautiful baby. Yeah, why do you get so angry, dude? I don't know, you get fucking, and you eat. Fat people are supposed to be jolly. I was going to be jolly. Lewis, fat people are supposed to be jolly. Oh, I thought you were, yeah, I thought you were,

you get really angry. You get violently angry. Bobby, you're a hypocrite because you get violently angry. I don't get angry. You're one of the angest people I've ever met. The reason Danny's laughing right now is because he's like, yeah, Bobby's a fucking lunatic. Because he's scared of you.

Bobby's got the whistle. Bobby has the best forearms, best face, and best whistle. And they're clearly dating now. That's full of Kris cream, donut cream. And the worst, everything else. He keeps a little bit about that. I remember this morning. Oh, my God.

Take me back to breakfast. Oh, God, it's 8 a.m. and I'm in my special place. I don't blow her. He sucks it. Because this is filled with oatmeal cream pie filling. A little bit of cream. Oh, fuck.

Little Debbie, you know what to do. Oh, fuck. Put me on the Epstein list because I want Little Debbie. All right, guys. That's it, man. That's the reg. We're going to be doing this more consistently. We'll figure it out.

We're not getting any fuck. Unless we get... Some of the biggest guests in Hollywood. We're going to get Woody and... Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton. We're going to get Bill Clinton. So make sure you check out all the websites.

Make sure you check out the producers, too. They're very funny guys. Go check them out. We've got to plug the producers now. Yeah, you've got to plug them with a dildo. They're not that funny. They wouldn't be producers if they were talented. Danny Bass is very funny.

Paco, I can't speak for. I haven't seen him. I haven't seen him. Paco's funny. What am I going to say? He's funny. You're fucking pet away from me. But Joe's hilarious.

Danny's great. Not a great hang. And make sure you check out. Wasn't there a fourth producer? No. Yeah, he didn't put up an episode. He forgot to hit record. Oh,

that we fired him. Yeah, we fired him. Who was it? He was like four-A. He was like they all looked like us. Oh, yeah, we all heard. We had a fourth producer. Max.

It was Suarez. It was Suarez. Was it Suarez? I don't think it was Matt. That episode of Swares, but Max was the guy before Swaz. Max was the guy who didn't record the episode. It was so funny. We got home.

What an episode. he goes, it's just Bobby's angle. He recorded one. It was so funny. One microphone, one angle. It was just Bob. No, he got all the audio. He didn't get any of the video except for that camera.

Did we put out the audio at least? Yeah, we put out the audio. But if you watch the video, it's just Bobby reacting. So he's just saying, ha ha, dude, pantana. Didn't that happen with Matt and Shane with Chappelle? They didn't record the audio through the microphone? No.

Right, I think so. Oh, yeah, because they never released that episode. Yeah, they never, or maybe Chappelle just wouldn't be on microphone. It was just, like, in the kitchen, like, fucking making drinks. Like your mom's yelling from the other room while you're playing video games? What? He goes, what do you want for dinner tonight? I think we got leftovers.

Oh, you love my tuna caserole. I will see you guys next time on the regs.