Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Lips List

Episode Date: February 8, 2016

We have Joe List, Luis J Gomez, Jon Laster and Noam Dworman! We get to meet Jon Laster, a comic from Denver who marches to the beat of his own drum. Things get heated as we argue who's got the nicest lips (Cast your vote here: http://strawpoll.me/6711567) And Noam, the owner of the Comedy Cellar, tells a story about a waitress that stole over $100k while working for him. Watch/Listen and enjoy!   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, Network Riotcast.com Hey lovers of listening to comedy, candid talk, and probably a cheap shout or two. We have a new podcast for you available now on riotcast.com and iTunes called Misery Loves Company with Kevin Brennan and Lenny Marcus. Go ahead Kevin, tell us in 45 seconds what the people of Earth listening to us look forward to besides us arguing and wanting to kill them. So even the fact that you used the word lovers

at the beginning of that is one of my least favorite words of all time. Like when people you're just introduced, now they say partner or whatever. When people used to say this is my lover, I wanted to fucking die. This is my lover, Jennifer. I'm like so, so basically saying like,

yeah, we're having sex, we have sex, she's my lover. They used to say that back in a day, they don't say it anymore, but I still hate that word that's the commercial you want yeah serious all right misery loves company with Kevin Brennan and Lenny Marcus right cast dot com no loving no loving right cast dot common items somebody help me welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet bird. This is gonna be a claustrophic. It's podcast, there's no rules.

Out of the mic asshole, I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? Oh, what the heck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of eyes on. It's just us sitting down and sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions.

I love doing it sides of the course that's what the host does The podcast is popular. I might have what it should every tweeted you never know Yes Oh my god, all right God do I hate Lewis? All right, we're back All right, we it's a little awkward It's a little awkward in here. All right, let's get off the fucking phones. Okay?

Lewis I'm tweeting it. I don't need you to tweet it. I don't need eight people to more to hear it Okay, really? Oh really? What's that chat jump bitches? Yeah, I don't I don't want you all fans in the chat Yeah, yeah, you do we don't want go mates in the chat go mates not go mates on a fucking Australian Did I want to have you ever been kicked off a show? Yeah, oh? Just a hair we have my brain hurts man. We have cameras here. True TV is doing a documentary or the Doonage TV show and one of the things they're talking about is the comedy seller. So I finally got a credit.

Yeah. This is not going to make the final cut. Yeah, this is definitely this is going to be literally walked up, the fucking thing wasn't plugged in. We're supposed to literally come in, push the button and do the show. And we had a fucking plugged in, the headphones and you're on your phone, and I don't even know who this fucking guy is.

There's one thing I know I can scare the shit out of me. Looks like a black Lewis Gomez, Jay, I know. There's one thing I know about reality, they can redo it and make it look, you know. Yeah, make us look more assholes than we are. Yeah. Make my boobs look bigger. Oh, yeah, they can if I hold them up like this.

I really feel like you should have fucking told us that you were gonna have a reality show here in the middle of the show. What if I wanted to look good? What if I wanted to shave? What if I wanted to? What if I'm on a house arrest? I really? No, no, no, I just fucking said that. I'm not supposed to be here, right?

How about you? A great voice. It's not a reality show, it's a documentary. It's a documentary. It's not a reality show. Okay, what if I wanted to, what if I was wearing fucking, I wanted to wear better jeans? You'd have to go to the future and get more money. Okay, what are you going to do, fuck that? I can't help that. You think Lewis is going to make more money than Okay, what are you going to do, fuck that?

I can't help that. You think Lewis is going to make more money than he's making right now? I'm talking along, like, when Bernie gets in. When you everybody's equal. Right, when you die and leave him something. Bernie. Well, it's a fucking Bernie, Jesus Christ. Unreal.

I can't even talk about Bernie being a Jew because the fucking cameras are here. You can't say yes, you can if you never want to do TV again. You can. You can talk about whatever you want to talk about. The documentary is actually about the comedy seller. And what is the Jew-owned establishment? Why are you saying it like that? They are. It is. But what would you say it like that? What do you mean? But why do you why do you say? Ju, ju, ju, on. That's not a negative thing. Your race is because you're taking it as a negative. No, it, it, you all turned on me. My black guy. What do you think? You know what, Brian? I'm, I'm staying out of that. We got enough problems working in Hollywood as it is. You know, to say it. Um, cellar. So white. The cell is, you know to say it. Um, seller so white the seller's not

No, not at all. Sellers not white. No, not at all. Very Equal club. Yeah, especially now equal opportunity employer who works the seller in this room raise your hand two people Yeah, you used to work. I used to work as is that it? What happened? I canceled on a spot. Yeah. Not even last minute. She gave me a spot and then I realized that I wouldn't be landing back in town until like 10 o'clock that night.

It was like a 10, 30 hosted spot. So as soon as she gave it to my email, they're back and I was like, oh, I miss calculator. I can't actually do that spot. I never heard of it Watch a set I was told if you did this podcast that you would co-sign for me at the seller actually tonight So that's why I'm here tonight listen to me. I can't take you seriously I don't know if you're tough if you're nerd. I don't know you who are I'm a chameleon I'm what I have to have to be

Where you from thank you what's your name? John Laster John Laster As I wave to the camera last or short of a ship help you started with ship hell no That's a fuck up. That's how old you are that was movable. No, definitely not We from I'm from Denver man That's how old you are, that was movable. Definitely not. Oh, you did. Where you from? I'm from Denver, man. Bronco Nation, baby. And we're gonna take this Super Bowl, believe that. Believe that.

Believe that. Believe that. Let me ask you a question in Denver. How popular is the comedy seller in Denver? It's not. No one knows. Nobody knows about it. No.

When did you hear about it? When you moved here? Yeah. When I moved here. And what was it? The seller wasn't hot about it when you moved here? Yeah, when I moved here and what was it? The pot the seller wasn't out like that when I moved here. I said 42 37 you have 37 yeah, so when did you move here? I moved here like 2003? Yeah, it's always hot no 3 No, he's actually right it just started yeah, I was seven in the three when I was I went to the New York film Academy

Thank you everybody. How much it tickets say eligible Just kidding. I'm in second, but I would come here no three and the show back then was just one long show It was like a five hour show back then. It wasn't like it wasn't the big deal. It is now No, I back I Louis I used to host it. Yeah, until Louis. Right. Well, I think top crowd popped it off a little bit. A little bit. When I started in comedy, when I moved here in 2001, the comedy seller was the comedy club you wanted to get in.

I didn't start it, I started it probably in like a 05. But when I moved here and I was promoting for comedy clubs in 2001, that was the hot fucking show. But it's comedy style, it was the one club. It was like Gotham, Caroline's, and comedy seller were the three ones that everybody respected. Then it was comic strip and stand-up New York comedy on the scene. Yeah.

We're talking, like, people in Denver know about the comedy seller, and selling out three shows on a Monday. That's new. No, yeah. I guess that did happen after Louis, right? After Louis, yeah. After Louis, all of a sudden, it's like, fuck, that's the place. Right, yeah.

I think like Marins, the whole podcast, that the intro of people having an up on politics, but definitely Louis, intro and Louis thing. Louis, intro, and then doing the show here all the time. And then it started to spread that rock would be here in Chappelle and all that stuff. The rock is now? Now everybody knows that this is where the celebrities go.

Then the PR changed up a little bit, but yeah, crossed the continent, definitely not back there. Even I would say not even the country of the world. Because once Louis went to other countries, you do a set there during the week, you get people from all over the fucking world in the audience.

I mean a lot of tourists come to the seller because that's the place they go. So I guess you're right, yeah. I mean I remember it's tough crowd popped it off a little bit because I remember, I don't think it had the reins all the way across the country though. You know what I'm saying?

The median helped, the movie comedian was big. Yeah, that was huge. But that was still only, like, you know, a million people saw that as opposed to the I.M. The aristocrats, that one helped as well. I am comic, nobody saw that. But the aristocrats, that was a good. I am comic nobody saw that but the aristocrats That was a good documentary that was the cellar was all over it. Nobody sell the aristocrats my parents don't know what the fuck

You're in a fucking bubble joke the fuck any hey don't physically ever touch anybody I want you know you well. No you won't come to one of that. I bet you're right now I don't care for finally I don't care for my good mic stand. I see this is a Lewis Gomez mic stand. This comes off and I can stab you with it. I don't like the Christmas. You know about his mother? Well, your mother died?

No, my father was stabbed to death. I knew it was one of them. Either way, I mean, equally funny. Oh, no. Oh, no. Your mother died from natural culture. Well, she stabbed herself in the arm of the needle. Oh, she's from a heron Yeah, that's not funny. It's not funny now, but it was we've at the time. It was hilarious Why do you always look like you just woke up? I don't know

We don't stick up for him Anyways, yeah, I was for Lewis's parents. I apologize. I really do for what? For not telling you the cameras gonna be okay good not about your parents is not gonna do about that I'm gonna make fun of it and you'll back in time. I'll slide in on that apology to what about the parents know about the cameras Why you don't like the cameras did know they were gonna be here. Yeah, I didn't know they were going to be here either. This is what happened. That's a lie. I swear to God.

When did you find out? Technically, it's only one camera. I found out today. I was supposed to do the interview next door, and then they would like, look, they want to come up to the studio so I was like, all right, I figured it would be a good opportunity. Lying. I swear to God, I know what happened. What happened?

They wanted to do the interview at the same time as the podcast. You didn't want to reschedule the podcast against. He was like, let's combine the interview and podcast. That's not true. My interview started at 230 to 330. And they said, we'd like to do the studio also, because it's part of the comedy seller. So I was like, cool.

Why I look at these other guys who, you know, not, you know, a couple of them will never be on TV ever. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So true TV. Thanks for the look. I hope they put it on. I hope they put one of those like black faces over scope.

Oh, like just sensor out there put them like one of those real voices. Really deep. Just him bombing. Oh, Bob. I'm going to keep moving so they can't get it so uh... yeah i think it's uh... pretty interesting i mean the comedy seller is so you

you don't want to work here you don't care now man i would say any any any more extra spots you can get as a good thing you know i mean you don't play as a comic this is right i'm doing my thing so i don't you know i don't i don't downplay as a comic. Yo bro, I'm doing my thing. So I don't, you know what I mean? I don't, I don't, I'm saying things are going good for me. So I don't, I don't always get caught up as much. And I'm from Denver.

So you know what I mean? Like the whole New York, oh, I gotta be, I'm on my way there. Ladies soon, I got a lot of shit popping. I'm gonna do film. I'm not, I just don't get hung up in, but I do any extra spots as good in the cellar's hot right now. So I applaud it. You know, if you work in there, I take it for you. John, listen to me, I need you to and the seller's hot right now, so I applaud it, you know if you work in there

He's done listen me. I need you to be real. I do it right now every comic in New York City Well, but you can't speak for every comic in New York City a rattlesnake right now, okay? I'm saying you can't you can't speak for every comic in New York City wants to work comedy So why wouldn't you I would I would definitely you know if I can get some Spass at the seller I would definitely take them but I'm just saying that I'm not I'm just saying that I'm not Okay, what did you say? How does a credit? No, it's not yes it is.

No, it's not. Listen to me. In everybody's eyes in New York if you're working the comedy seller it means you've crossed a certain threshold in comedy It really does I don't even work there anymore. I can tell you this. Let's be real about this. It's a fact. Be real as dude. I mean, I'm so there's, and there's no other comedy club period

that gives you that type of credibility. I'm not saying that everybody works there is great. There are certain people who sneak their way in, but the truth of the matter is it does still mean something to this day. So you admit you snuck your way in. I snuck in. Yeah.

Yeah. You just said that was Coast Chill vibe. Like, what's that? Gweed and so what you do. Who? That was racist. Yo. He's got that.

Snag. You know what? And the thing is, man, and I got a lot of respect for it. Listen, listen, I know what's up with you. You need to finish your sentence, because you keep going, you know what I mean? And I don't, because she's not getting to the period. Okay, let me let me let me get to the period I don't I guess three month. He's what? Blackness or months just relax

You get a little racist sometimes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry John I want to I'm trying to understand he's I'm it's grandma's there if you work in the cellar meant more power to you, but I don't think everybody I don't think it's fair tohog, Zach. If you work in the seller, man, more power to you. But I don't think everybody, I don't think it's fair to say that everybody sees it the same way. But what you're saying is this, is that, yes, you'd love to work the seller, I get it, but it's not like you're, like if I don't work here,

I suck as a comment. I'm saying, I'm good. Listen, what I'm saying is when I came up in comedy, the guys that I were chasing are making a boat load of money and none of them worked the seller. Tracey didn't work the seller, Epson worked the seller, Cat didn't work the seller. You know, these two are filthy rich and none of them work the seller. Tracy didn't work the seller, Epstein worked the seller, Cat didn't work the seller. These two is a filthy rich and they didn't work.

So it's not the thing that it is for everybody. If it is that for you, those are not for me. Those are not for me. And if that's the right thing, they worked here. All of them. Hang on one second, there's one thing where it's like a badge of honor to work the seller. And there's another thing where it's like,

you have to do something to get somewhere. I don't, you have to do something to get somewhere. I don't think you have to do anything to get anywhere. You have your own path. You, you know, some people don't even fucking do stand-up comedy and become fucking stand-up comic somehow. I don't know how the fuck that happens. But what you're saying is that, that your goal is money. I want to be successful.

I want to be a film star. And I don't know what the seller, you know, in the mean like, how old are you? 37 brother. Really? Yes. Here's why it's great. When did you want to be a film star?

Probably like three, four years ago is when I first started acting, you know, did my first independent film. And then I shot one last year. And then I got two more coming this year that I really fell in love with. He saw James Rol Jones won't be. It was like, I can be that guy Those these these race jokes are so lame

They're all connected to black history month and James is you know, it's that was Fire away listen here's the I'm trying that was a whole sentence fire away You you were talking to me an interview voice and I like that you like But what I'm saying kids are my jokes are you just said you're about that money that's fucking lame go fuck yourself my joke is lame What are you talking about what the fuck he said your joke was lame? It wasn't lame they're not they're not lame jokes. I don't lame joke. Can I step in? Yes, you can I didn't understand the James Earl Jones joke I didn't either it was stupid I thought it was a voice joke but cut it the seller

I think that if you're not working at the seller in your mind and I'm not again some people don't give a shit and I Mean I believe I'm taking you for your word. You don't get you'd like to work here You don't it's not a thing I think there's a lot of people that aren't like the seller how am work here You don't it's not a thing. I think there's a lot of people that aren't like the seller How am I gonna get in this there's a lot of people that are there's a lot of people that aren't like I got a work there If I don't work there I'm a fraud like there's people that have that But I do think that the sellers prestigious don't think that I'm I'm saying. Oh, it's not you know We have a record saying that. Yes, not a good thing. You actually know I have your camera and recording it That's your goal

I'm gonna say yeah, but I'm saying that I say goal so you don't like the seller. I do like the Selfie is that he said he said fuck fuck I think the Lewis does I just do it better There's a fucking aggressive mean and you almost fought the guy It's funny. There's that a fucking aggressive mean and you almost fought the guy No, I love down Me and John are old friends. Yeah, but you get hang you get testosterone Didn't you work out before you came? No, I didn't I'm working on That's why you can tell you get a little chunky. There's a thing

I think there's part of it that you want to be part you want to be inside the split Opening your body up to the camera you gorgeous. I'm turning it away from fucking Lewis the maniac here I'm trying to separate myself from this idiot and his dumb James Earl Jones Socks You deserve that actually on your fucking microphone But anyways, can I get to my point that I started eight minutes ago? Yeah, if you stop doing that with your hands, I've been watching a lot of the base But once you when you start working the cell you want to work the cell because it's the best. Fire away. Fire away. But once you when you start working the

cell you want to work the cell because it's the best club to work not because it it Lewis thinks it's a credit or there's some sort of whatever prestige yeah it's because they pay you before you go on right they pay you more than everybody else there's a table set aside they kick out douchebags immediately yes they don't allow match-let parties. They don't allow parties more than six. They care about county. Oh, I know. It's not that anybody else.

You just know that, but he didn't know that before he worked the seller. So I back when he was, that's what I said, fuck it. That's what I said before you work here. You think it's a press niche thing. You think it's a credit thing. But as soon as you get in,

you're like, I want to be here because they can't. They can't press place to do comedy. They give, that's what I said. I said this for a long time. They, Manny, when he started that table. Look at bad news about Manny. What?

You can't still remember. What? No. Him and Lewis is mother. What? What's the, they're boon-h together in a hotel. When, when, when, when he started that table, they, they care. When they, when the comics got together, back whenever the fuck that was,

and we started the comedy union, and we asked for more pay, the first club to step up and pay was the comedy seller. The comedy seller has raised the pay. On their own. On their own. Twice. Twice.

They've raised the pay. Without any, without comics asking, they started doing better so they gave it back to us. They give me 20 bucks a spot now a week to it. Hey, it asks for 20. That's a really dope bit of victory there. What? But it's, they do give a shit and they do kick people out.

They care about the microphones, the sound. They care about the lights. They care about you having food and being up at the table and being safe, whether you're famous or not. Right. There's so many clubs and there are great clubs that are good clubs in New York that you do your set and it's great. And then you wait 15 minutes to get paid. We're like, how the hell did you nice not for see me? What's going on here? Or the mic doesn't work. Or the cord is wrapped around something so you can't fucking move more than two feet.

Yeah. And the seller, none of those things happen. That's why it's the best club to work because... And other clubs shouldn't get fucking mad at it. They should actually learn from it. Yeah, that's it. And they don't fucking, that's what blows me away. Yes. The comedy seller doesn't have a cheque spot. It's the only, one of the only clubs in the country that doesn't have a fucking cheque spot.

Stan doesn't either. But they... Stan doesn't either. Stan doesn't either. Because they took the same thing. You need a stamp receipt to get out. It's as simple as that. They turn over four shows a night on weekends without a problem. Well, if you think logically,

you don't even need a stamp receipt. It's the same exact process. Instead of having a comic up there, you put music on and you just fucking turn the lights up. What's the difference? I'm just saying like, don't even to change the entire Infrastructure of the the show or what you do just put the the checks out at the end and turn the lights on and have music on What's that you don't actually even need to do any stamps because here's why because people run out on the check

And that's what clubs are worried about yeah But they run out on the check and then the waitress has to cover the fucking whole thing But the comedy seller has one door in one one door out, you have a fucking guy waiting by that door in. You cannot leave without showing a stamp receipt. That's it. And they have a door man. And they got a door man who's scary and can fight.

They got a couple door men. So you're right, that's a big part of it. It is the prestige. It is saying, hey, I worked the comedy seller. And then it is when you get there. Oh my God, I'm not only am I working next to the best comics in the world. I'm also, they give a shit about me here. So right. And then in the great, I think in New York and our bubble sometimes, especially if you're not there, you think there's some sort of prestige thing or it's like a credit. But if you go to L that you're in a pitch meeting or they don't give a fuck that you did a 12-10 did a I'm saying that it's a credit. I'm saying it's the equivalent of a credit in the New York scene

If you're working the comedy seller people are like oh shit that guy's doing some shit You're past this I love it too because there's no fucking industry They don't do industry now you just you go on every night. There's none of room there to have a you know some I know going to LA as opposed to LA. Well We go to LA and there's a table empty through it. You're doing you know, they came to see one guy. I was setting when you go up the all leave. So there's a big fucking pocket and not only that, you're going to see them walk out on you.

They don't give a fuck about you. Yeah. It's like, there's no room for that here. They paid fucking fans that want to see stand up. And if you know what, and that's that that was the kind of the justification for why they don't pay money, right? Is it industry? We'll see you in LA. That's why they get what it of the justification for why they don't pay money, right? Is it industry? We'll see you in our life.

That's why they get what they say. It was the VH1 thing. It's like, yeah, we're not going to pay you to be on TV. We're going to make a gazillion dollars on this talking head shit, but we're not going to pay you. We're going to give you exposure. No, but I mean, wait, really, you're on in that same thing. Same.

Okay. Same shit. Yeah, man. Well, that's what that's $7.08 they give you to me. It's mind boggling. Seven dollars. Yeah, it's I-boggling. $7. Yeah, it's I actually never took a check from the laugh factory because I don't know how to I don't know how to go to a bank for a $7.15. I feel it's like what are you fucking nonsense?

Yeah, and they handed to you with a straight face too. Yeah, like like like they're really doing business like they handed to you like hey, Robert you got a check. Yeah, what did we just do that? I actually waited two years and then I cashed I think it was a hundred and twenty something dollars I'm still getting right cash residual checks for like three or four bucks a month. Yeah, I deposit them every month Really I'm gonna do it. It's just am I gonna not I feel like I'm just like a wasting paper No, you got a cash that I got a seven cent check from a last comic standing.

Did you cash it? No, I have it taped on my desk. I don't know the desk. I just lied. Oh no. You should bring it to a check, cash in place, not even your bank, and do a video blog. I think it costs more than that to cash the check.

It's more than seven day charge, you're more than seven cents. So I think that, I mean, is it your're do you want to get back in the cell? Lewis? I mean, yeah, but no, kind of like your last ever said all of a sudden the same exact answer as John who was a fake ass dude. That's not true. Word say that sir. And fake ass John over here. I didn't say that. I said though, obviously everyone wants to work the comedy

seller, but I don't think I would audition again. Why would I do that? I worked there and then I didn't say that. I said though obviously everyone wants to work the comedy seller But I don't think I would audition again. Why would I do that? I worked there and then I didn't work there And I feel stupid going through the process of audition I would go back and visit SD and Joe like I said man, I would like to work there too I mean like I said I was just saying that I don't see it as like this You should fuck the seller not at all I mean can you rewind that can we hear that now? Fuck the seller man, you want to work as many places you can, man. And you know, any place it doesn't have a check spot, I applaud it, or raise the money for comedians. I didn't

even know that. So that was a, that's an awesome piece of history. You can work, let me tell you something. You can work the seller as a host or just doing spots. If you're, if you're, if you're so lucky enough to get spots. On the weekend you can make six, seven, eight hundred bucks working a night cash. Work in the seller. Well cash but it's one fucking clock. It's a bit of a misnomer there. I mean they're keeping track. Huh? They give you cash but there's you're getting taxed. Yeah but you're taking home that fucking wall like a shirt. I know. But cash in the context you said it. You're getting taxed. No, no you're taking home that fucking wall like a shit But cash in the context you said it

No, no, I'm not saying that the take that cut if you say you're getting six under it cash Yeah, but it's better than and applies under the table. No, it doesn't apply it implies having We have a vote on this does that not imply? What would you rather get seven of dollars check at the end of the night or fucking a water in the West village? At two in the morning, I'll take a's having to do six different spots all over the city. So to be in the same place, picking up 600 is a bit of a bug. Around the corner. This is the golden age right now.

If you better fucking hold on, because I think it's going, I don't think it's going to last. Don't be negative. Come on, don't bum me out. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go to the spiral now and take my own life. You're a little bit sick. I'm in a good mood.

Let me have it. Look, take a toll with pull the polar toll Toll is the cookies and for bridges. Oh For you in that context Lewis your real ass dude in that context is cash not mean under the table now I know what he meant. Thank you. You're no Any man. He meant I will say Thank you You should have just let it go because it wasn't that big of a deal. We all got it. I just want I

Got one what about you my friend you got what I'm saying I Everyone's paying taxes I get cash when I deliver fucking pizza Stop stop Pizza I thought you delivered you got a fucking pizza hook up. I thought you delivered I thought you fuck I never met a comic that went so far And then stop and just sunk back down David all up and then but just while you were still hanging with us Every pizza is not bad danger. I did deliver pizza when I was a kid. What's a kid like 18 24? 17. Yeah, well, I think that's I think I think delivering pizza where you're at

If you went back to delivering pizza that'd be fucking sad. I would order. Yeah, you'd be done. No shit You'd be out of the business. I think any day job at this point. I'd be out of the business I had to go back and get a day job now. I just Where is the point where it's oh where where here's the point where you can actually go back and get a day job I can't this is that we're also talking about a guy? He's fist-fiting people on his podcast. Isn't that close enough? You fought somebody? Well, I beat up my intern.

Oh. I'm happy. He told me. It's not somebody. It's not like you're a random person. Maybe it's not like it was nothing. You can't beat up a fucking free person. I'd rather work at Sears than be fist-fiting people on camera.

Why did you beat up your intern? Because it was, it's a whole long story. Yeah. fighting people on camera. Why did you beat up your intern? It was a whole long story. Okay, it's time to do it. Really? Race a religion, no one Lewis. Yeah, what you saying? I thought he was a Jew.

Well, he is a Jew. And, see? That's why I thought him. Fuck you, Acer. Keep on shaking your head over there. Why? Why are you getting mad at him? You're not fighting on my show.

Relax. I'm not a little Jewish dude, so. Oh! Office fight last year after the break. Yeah, yeah. Nobody's fighting on my show, okay? I'm not giving it to server. There's no way I'm giving true TV that great.

Stop. I'm gonna fuck away till he leaves and then we'll get it. You're from Denver, stop acting like you're from fucking Baltimore, motherfucker. All right. I'm not from the server, man. I'm'm not great if you guys started fighting just for Denver. I'm afraid of Denver. Oh.

Louis have even been to Denver? No, but I'm still in a friend. I never met somebody from Denver. I'm like, oh shit, they're not from Denver. Denver is a great one of my favorite. One of my best clubs in the country. Is it even a skis or a skateboarder Denver? Talking about the great great clubs,

comedy sell it and comedy works. Comedy works in one of my favorite clubs of all time. Can you get me in there? Yo, it's intimate, right? I just got you in a Magrutees. Magrutees? Macirties, Macirties. Macirties, well he emailed me before.

Buddy, I'm trying to get in there. I just pumped you in, dude. I'm telling you this weekend, talk, I'm not even kidding you dude, I was expecting the shittiest weekend of my life. I'm going to Sarasota to McCurdy's theater. I've done that place. I've never done it and I was like this is going to suck. And I got there, it was the guy who owns it.

Less. Less McCurdy. His wife. No, this isn't Sarah Soda Florida. The brum, dude, I walked in, the hotel was fucking amazing. The staff, every single part of the club was the best I've had in the whole year. I mean, every night sold out, every fucking night sold out. I walked in, I'm not even kidding, the first show, it looked like I was performing in front of ghosts. That's how all these people were.

I thought they were all dead. There was so much white hair. I was like, and I literally went to the manager and go, listen, I think you guys fucked up. I talk about Giz for 34 minutes. And she goes now you fine we fine. I go out I fucking annihilated. They got every second of it.

They loved it. Greatest club ever that guy. And he was he brought up your name and I was like Joe's killer. So he brought up my name. But he goes who who do you think I think? I actually brought you name at first. I brought you name at first and he goes, I know about you. That's how it went.

I said, he said, who should I, and I said you. I appreciate it. And then I said, Lewis, I said he should bring Lewis. And I'm kidding, I didn't say that. I know. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Lewis could bounce that rule. No, I mean, I actually said you could go with somebody.

Is that a big, I did talk about you. I did, you're a part of a party. Buddy, I'm a real ass dude man. I said, buddy, I said, don't take my thing. Hey, real ass, real ass. I got real dick.

Real ass Bob. I got real dick Bob. I've been there for a while if I remember correctly. Real ass Bob is my dick. I remember you saying real ass Bob when you opened it dick for a while if I remember correctly real ass Bob I remember you saying real ass Bob when you open for day in these are the new shirts. I just got real ass Bob you got a t-shirt money. Oh How fuck I still owe you that money. Yeah, listen maniac. All right, sold out about your reals of good dude. Oh That's right. That's fun. That again

Yeah, dude. I saw you side fat. Yeah, I did I saw it Take a shirt off now you take your shirt off. I'll. Yeah I did, I saw it. Take a shirt off. No, you take your shirt off. I'll take my shirt off, I'll take your shirt. Take your shirt off, right now. You take yours off, I'll take mine off. You go first. You go first.

You go first. Huh? You go first. You go first. You're a real ass dude, I'm not. No, I'm not. I want to point out that real tits dude was pretty good. And I feel like I got a little bit of a shirt, man.

I'll write it down. Let me see that. Who is that from? We got a very strong fairhirst. We got a very special shirt. We got a very, let me see that who is that from We got a very strong fairhirst. We got a very special shirt. We got a very let me see Let me see we got a very special gift It's hilarious. Yeah, I envelope is spilling white powder I really do hope you fucking die You really hope I die kind of very insensitive. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's wrong with you. It's a little hurtful. I'm not taking it back, but

he just wants to headline the funeral. This thing is Is it powder? There's a lot of powder. That looks like an incestocyte, what do you call it? Why would you pesticide? I don't know what that is. That's an envelope. He wants a favor. There's an envelope in there. Address to himself. That's not a shirt. It's not just a gift. It's a favor. What is this powder? Oh, no, this is this it's my dirty underwear. Oh, that's nice Did you sell your dirty underwear? I'm building everywhere. Thanks Sean. Now I got a fucking vacuum the studio Was he wanting to sign it and send it back? Oh, fucking no. There's a note in here You're gonna read the note. It's really sweet. Wow, it's a handwritten. It's an endless. Who wants to read the note? I'll read it. I'm probably the best

reader. No offense. Do you want to read it? Do you want to read it? Do you want to read it? Give me. Do you want to read it? Let her read it. She's sexy. She is sexy. Oh, oh, not you read it sexy? Yeah, you got. I can try to read it sexy. I can't go on you, sure. She's got who this makes. Yeah, you're on you, sure. I'll have her voice sucks at reading though. She's becoming less sexy listening to her fucking pitter-patter through it. Who this make? Yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, The writing's really bad. I'm writing this that I hope that it gets through to Robert Kelly. My name is Sean and I'm sure there's a period there. Oh God. No I'm glad to congratulate you on your professional success so far. Thank you for all the last be a stand up and podcast and I wish you luck on future projects you take part in. I first saw you when you play Lucy Kays brother and Louis

and I've been a fan ever since before getting to see your stand up. I was awoken by my roommates laughter. This out he was watching one of yours. This is very sweet. Thank you. Hey, I'm written. I also want to thank you for an incredible podcast series. YKWD is one of my favorite to listen to.

And though I was late for it this, I plan to help out and donate to your holiday toy drive. See you're too late. I included photos with this and it would make me happy if you could sign and return them via self-address stamp envelope I provided. Thanks for reading this and looking forward to seeing your stand-up live in 2016 all the best

Oh, that's great. That's very nice P.S. if anyone who takes part in WKWD would like to sign that e-py 10 there more than welcome Yeah, well everybody sign it after in the show very nice very nice. I want to What To sign something your signature is not worth eight cents To sign something your signature is not worth eight cents Your signatures not worth a dollar. What would be funny? His eight cents like what's that guy the magician? Jonathan the magician amazing Jonathan? He's dying

Yeah, we were there at the Wilbur he was doing one of his last shows remember he was like really it was really sad when he fucking left He was is he is he really? His last show is he really dying though. Yeah, he's got some sort of brain thing. It's real bad. Oh, that's terrible He's a great comedian But I love that he put his magic. I'm a big fan of magic me too. I love magic You like magic you know, I do magic. I've done tricks for you You've now do trick from me right now kind of tricks. I can pull my thumbs off if you pulled your cock Right now and run that on those lips I would have fucking loved you forever speaking my lips. Can I get something out there please you if you hope it lips

Can I get something out there these people they've twisted the bit? What's the bit? I have a small mouth My lips are extraordinarily normal and they've changed the bit. I don't mind. I like the What are they saying? I got a bad what are they saying? I have full lip and everyone made it like They say I have full lip and everyone made it like I'm a look at me. No, you know full lips. No, you've been lipped tiny shitty if in lips in a tiny I got a little lips look like that somebody rip Lauren. Thank you. She's a woman. Papa lips. How are these look like you weren't a father in your lips burned off your face? That's ridiculous. You got you do look like somebody got a Just regular no one because some people have some people do have muppet lips. Yes, some people have no lips

Yeah, they're mad. Can I ask you guys to lie let have you ever seen a bird with its beak ripped off? I Have a You look at every time I see you weird mouth bad All those but I have every time I see you I have the urge to feed you worms Yeah, that's a small mouth joke I love the small mouth jokes. Keep them coming hilarious As nice lips except for you there these amateurs. They're switching it up

It's small lipids. I think you got some nice full lips. Be do I you fucking Also has a second set of Shitty flip some the right she let's do yeah, she's almost She has lipstick to make them all Who can I get if I can see her lips from seven feet away? You know the lips hang up bigger. Yeah, yeah hang up hang up. Yeah, I'll take a fucking lipstick off in lip All right, Reggie. All right. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna tell you what what's that? It's a magic trick Okay, cool. It sucks. First of all, this is a podcast. It's a video podcast fuck. Okay, so

My freak my Whole thing that was amazing. Thanks. Did you did you get that? It's a tough joke if you're sitting directly next to him Do you understand that everybody on true TV is gonna go Quarter in your other hand also they also saw you putting the We're in your mouth. I never put it in my mouth. He's in your mouth right now. Oh is it yeah? Are you ready that's not ready for you to leave? Come on last the left and that's fucking great black people love magic tricks Good. That's not racist. That's a fact. No, that was good. I love magic. They're scared of magic That's not racist, that's a fact. That people love magic, they're scared of magic.

Oh God. Oh God. Have you ever watched the live-through videos with the magician, like, fucks with, like, fast food employees in the hood? It's maybe my favorite thing on your face. I want to say this, I want to go through the room right now. I want to say, this is what I think for lips.

Ready? Let me see your lips, people. Look at me. I think I've got hot lips. I'm going to go, I'm not doing this please. I'm gonna go You just call out cool J up in this bitch. I walk over a puddle Listen, I'm gonna go my lips you can't put yourself. I can I know it's bad. Don't even rate yourself I'm gonna rate what are you doing? Are you putting our lips on a chart? I'm doing it and then you

can do it and then you can do it but let me do my first blip list. I'm gonna say here it is ready. I go me I'm gonna go Lewis what and then I'm gonna go John yeah then I'm gonna go I'm gonna go D. Poo yeah I'm gonna go scopo oh come on you look just suck loin I would hope so I don't like seeing I wouldn't people in a girl smiles. I don't like seeing her gums We wipe her lipstick off it would just be a line I'm taking a lips a chicks lips over any dudes lips.

I'm gonna go Lauren. I'm gonna go. Joe, you're the last lip of the list. I'm not saying it's not a bad lip. I'm saying it's not a small lip. You don't have a great, small mouth. It's a regular lip. Where would you put your lips on the list in this room? I think I got nice lips. Where would you put it? I'm a lip list.'re not a lip list. I'm a lip list. I'm not gonna put it.

I got a lip list, yeah. The lip list. Am I talking living with lips? Am I talking making out with lips? I'm talking lips. Just a nice lips. Nice lips. Talk about where, where are your lips?

What they look like. I like your lips. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop screaming over here. I want you right now. Answer this. I want you to do what I just did in order. Honestly.

I mean, just remember I suppose. You know I'm going to say your lips never want. I've talked about it. I've documented it. I've never, what I like about your lips especially is. I didn't see what. You didn't have to. I've never mentioned your lips without you immediately licking them

And then you guys are fucking bananas you're trying to be kuku and funny and ha ha No, I'm not No, she does, but I'm not trying to be funny first of all Spend a lot of money to get black lips no one's ever spent money to get white lips. No one's like, let me go to the, to the damn mic. Michael Jackson. Okay, anytime you can name names, there aren't many, right?

Listen, most people want to get their lips filled. Alonzo, I think, listen to me. I think, I think that my lips have got to go way further up on the chart, homie. Way further up. Stop looking your lips, please. I'll tell you why my lips, I'll tell you why my lips I'll tell you why my lips you're making me a couple

know why my lips are better than your lips why tell me why but but then Mike got a way to work the salad you want to lick your lips right you look at your lips up you mother fucker don't tell me not to look at that's only because you said move to

microphone I wasn't normally you know you lift that bottom as you lift that's why I like a small lips listen that that you see my lips are better than yours. Cause you're, look, you got good lips, bro. I got great lips. You get great lips, but they're a little overpowering. So my lips are a little, my lips go farther.

You're a seem killer. You think yours are more subtle? Mine are a little, mine are a little more subtle. And then I go to Lewis second, because they're very similar to mine. Okay. I think you need a little more top lip. I go to Lewis second because it's very similar to mine. Okay. I'm going to lift. He's got bigger lips than you.

I think you need a little more top lip. No man, look at that. You lift it again. Can I get my lip list? Can I get my lip list? I haven't finished mine. I'm going to let you finish yours. I'm number one.

I love Lord. I like a smaller lip. Not smaller. Oh who's second? And by the way, when we talk lips, it's all bottom lip. A top lip is nice, a little, but it's a little sliver. What?

You need a nice top lip. You're a top lip. Can I say something right? You're so wrong. You're fucking bad. You're big teeth. Need to be covered. No, you're big teeth.

You're big. We're all covered. No, you too. I agree with Joe. No one bites a top lip. I'm gonna bite a bottom lip. I lip ever bites a bottom lip like bottom lip It's all bottom lip buddy. You need to bottom it Both they have the same shitty like I

Like when you two kids it'll be just hit well. He had teeth chattering together because there's no lip involved It's like Fire Marshall Bill from in living color both of them. Wow. That was fucking worthy She laughs she can Never tell you know I like There's a difference a good You gotta just fire marshal bill we know who fire marshal bill is yeah, I had a living color. It's You know that's a great. I didn't know this I just tell you when I was a little I had such a small mouth They had to give me an upper pallet expansion What is that?

She's making my dick arch. I really did get hard too. I had to cement like a metal thing to the top of my mouth and my mom had to take a key to widen my jaw. Oh dude. I'm gonna throw up. Could you imagine even being easier? Yeah. What a shit kid.

Hey guys, guys turn the game off. I have to go turn the key and Lauren's mouth. She's really a mubbub. I personally had a club on her mouth. Hey, hey, hey guys, we have to leave the park in the birthday party. Lauren's mouth has to be turned. Boo. He heard like shit. Quasadid. That's good to go. Yeah, but a small mouth is terrible for a blow job because the teeth come around the dish. Lauren is starving. Why because I lost the keys? Wow, I thought Joe would throw that at himself. I tried but I missed I wish you fucking balled it up and choked on it anyways I think scuba's lips are smaller than my lips by the way

You're out of your mind No, I say why scuba's lips is not high on the chart. And I picked I put deep who before him. I wasn't a filthy Indian or whatever he is. I would put him on. I'm I'm I pick because that that he has like that 1940s white guy. Look see his from. You know what was to mouth.

Listen to scopes sailor mouth. Scopus second to last because he has that weird shit on his bottom lip I don't want to be anywhere near that shit, okay? What is it? It's birthmark Europe. Here's the awesome birthmark. Yeah, what way of a Joe finish your order, please? Well, just go through it. All right, all right. I was like like Laura Lewis is great lips. It's hard to criticize So once you try to criticize a black man's lips without sounding racist, but they they're a little bigger than I like personally so I'm gonna go I'm gonna go criticize a black man's lips without sounding racist but they they're a little bigger than I like personally So I'm gonna go I'm gonna go

Deepoon next I'm gonna go deep who next Chris and then last would be my my least favorite lip because I like a More subtle lip a little subtle lip. I like Les Black lip. Yes What about those black nice lips? That's hard, but he's not for what? No, he's not. That's mixed. He's like, he's perfect. He's the Lenny Kravitz. Tremendous shoulders, man. I said, this gentleman. Good shoulders. I was hair.

Can I say something? I'm taking it back. I would put him before me. Those are great lips. I think those are perfect lips. Yeah, he's a perfect man in general. I think he's not involved in the competition. I think true TV camera guy has perfect lips. Tremendous upper body.

If you could learn five minutes of material You could pass me and scope oh very quickly You didn't put deep in the mix you got a comic Jesus Christ. How about that? I immediately shifted from his lips to his shoulders. Yeah, that's a bad story down It's not a bad sign That's my little weird. I got it. There it is Lip list to beis hang on one second If one of you fucking morons doesn't write down lip list at the end of the show

I will punch it. Okay, the critics of Lawrence lips are really Number one myself I have beautiful lips. Yes, I did just a bodyguide going with yourself. No, that's not true. You you guys shouldn't I didn't even name. Yes, I did just have a vibe. Just go home with yourself. No, that's not true. You guys shouldn't. Well, I didn't even name myself. I can't. I'll be third. Number two. I want to get a pen and finish your lips, Joe.

I'm gonna go with Bob Pelley. Bob Pelley, your number two, my friend. Thank you, brother. Thank you very much. Number three. It's gonna have to go with, it's gonna have to go with last turn. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna tell you why.

Look. Two big lips together. No, he's got huge, huge lips. I'm not denying that, okay. Because you're gonna do more. And I can barely see them because the shadow from his nostril is almost covering them. I didn't even realize how big his lips were.

Chicks, not these lips. Not to sound racist. Chicks love these lips. That chicks. I'm gonna be the last. Deepu has nicer lips, but they're attached to his filthy face She's so I can't put him above John Yo, yo, Dippu, where are you from man?

Indian her disgusting. Okay. Lewis is trying to get Trump's VP Yeah, what are you trying to do? I think I think Dippu's he's a cute kid. I got nice lips. He's got nice lips. He's got a nice little nose Very nice skin great hair good hair. Oh, thanks. Yeah, you're so weird cuz he looks like he could be Puerto Rican But I can just tell he's Indian why I don't know what a dirty Indian dirty Is Chris Scopo you know look dirty is next? No, I'm sorry Lauren is next then Chris couple then Joe list. Joe list is last on your list. Okay, who's you?

No one's saying small they're saying subpar. I'll take some par lip. I'm just sending out a small lip. Okay. I want to find I want someone with no lips. You've seen them before. You look like you're always saying the letter P. Buddy, look I want you to look at the true TV camera please. Yes. Look and I want people who watch in this. If this ever does, just the editor who has to go through all this footage. How late is one of the looking to York, look, this is not making it under true.

No, I want the editor to know. Joe has had that chap sick for four years. Stop putting fucking swallowing your lips. Joe, go like this. That's a great joke. For four years. That was funny. Thanks, buddy.

That was funny. Oh, my God. Just, I don't want you to break up the party. Louis had a great joke. For four years. That was funny. Thanks buddy. That was funny. Oh my god. Just, I don't want you to break up the party. Louis had a good line. Seven civilians made that same joke on my Instagram. That's what started this whole thing. So a good joke, but you're thinking exactly like a bunch of non-comedy and...

Ah! And your racist. Why are you hitting people? I'm not. That's my new thing. That's my new thing. Who's your list? Lip list.

Yo, my lip list. I'm at the top of the lip list Women like these lips stop stop looking your lips. Yeah, well, what women like women lips. I think deep who's got You're being fucking rude. Let me tell you what let me tell you what Everybody's in that big everybody. Oh, explain everybody got to explain. I want to hear this Everybody's in that big video explain everybody got to I want to hear this I got to explain I'm telling you man You mean one second guys with full I say something real quick So I'm going in order from John to one second if me and you kissed holy shit that is disgusting You know

I'm just saying you know you Me and you I'm just saying you know you can't say it would be me you can't Small lips make nobody I could to make their lip I can't show you a second But I would say that you guys have the tie for the same size really if you look no He's got bigger lips indeed, so yeah And then I'm I you I you a fucking you rock and then and then I you know what I think she's first because I'm't have a clue. And then? I'm, I do. I do you a fucking. You rock. And then I, you know what?

I think she's first, because I'm going with a chicks list always. How the fuck am I after him? List is got, but I like this John. This honesty. You'll be, you'll be and you're just going the other way. John, John, him. He's got bigger lips than you do. Buddy, look at that top lip.

He does. Stop one second, John. Stop, stop making faces. Just stay there. Look at that ugly no top lip. Stop making my top lip. You're top lip. Stop one second John. Stop. Stop making faces. Just stay there. Look at that ugly no top lip. Stop making my top. Stop making my top. You're top. You're top. I say something. But Bobby, you can seal top lip. It looks like there's nothing there. It looks shitty and stupid. He looks dumb. And then he makes a move and it just comes out. But it falls off. Baba, baba. You got it.

That fucking sailor fucking world war to lip. Baba, I got an idea. Yes. We should take the close of all of our lips. Don't mark them. Put it on the internet. Let the people vote. At the end of the show.

Oh, brilliant idea. First of all, they're gonna, they're gonna, they're gonna, they're gonna, they're gonna, they're gonna, they're gonna, they're gonna, no, am. If you take the black guy off these lips, chicks would be like, I like those lips. No, they're not. They're gonna be this guy's, you're tired. Can I like those lips. No, they're not they're gonna be this guy

Even racist John John, you're gonna ask your question if you you pick more in first, okay? Once I can John if you took if you took the black guy off those lips It would look like a white guy who got into a motorcycle accident A wall face first 30 feet that guy just went 14 rounds Go ahead you pick more and you can't the microphone recording can't take out fucking idiots You can't take out 19 podcasts. You can't talk to them. I go ahead. You you can't you can't just take it I'm always going with if there's lips on a chick I'm going with a female

I'm not saying it's not just so nearly as bad as you guys are making Yes, I know I say something. I want to say something about Lauren's lips. I'm gonna put you before Deepo. What I'm gonna put you third lord and I have a I'm gonna put you by the way. I'm gonna put you before John. Oh Yeah, you know what you know what but at least I'm swaying the jury here. This how oh Jay got off But if you put me one then you get tulip. I don't like your fucking deep radio voice This is a good voice. All right good. I do a lot of voice over scope. Oh, what are you guys my? I got Lewis Lewis is nice lips that's great. That's scopes. They're full

I'm some second. Yeah, I'm gonna go John. Oh scopes. They're full. I'm going to go to the new. I'm second. Yeah. I'm second. I'll go John. Oh my god. Will you stop? I'm going to throw up. It looks like you're looking because it's tired.

It's chill. Come on. I think you're a lipsa from a face transplant. No. Oh god. Yeah. I'm sorry. A little more.

I'm sorry. It looks like they needed to give them a mouth trans nose. But they only had a dead baby's face. Oh god. I'm sorry Back like they needed to give them a mouth trans. Oh, they only had a dead baby space Oh, sorry, go ahead Chris we just continue. Oh, yes, John then I go deep who oh, thanks bud me really? Yeah, me name Lauren yet Lauren you wow Lauren second to last on your list I don't like almost every list and Lauren I would fuck you over everybody in this room. Lauren. Lauren. Can I see your lips for one second? Look at me Just stop don't do that Jesus. Yeah, don't do that. Just don't smile. Please don't move. Just stay there

You guys are fucking bananas. Those are terrific. You're welcome. You do have good lips You do have good lips. I do. You have that lipstick I thought. Right? You have that on real. I'm gonna find it. I'm gonna go to the limits of people with no lip. I'm just trying to break through.

Why don't you get fucking break through? I'm trying to get it to have a major issue. Not gonna happen, fucker. You're looking a little fat. Anyway, Bobby, when you go on your phone, everybody starts talking at once. I'm trying to get a face transplant. You have an internet person right next to you.

Really? Yes, so we got you. You have a guy who's never makes any jokes. What is this? Look at George Bush. That's a guy with no lips. Yeah, yeah. Everybody do the image George doesn't have lips.

Yes, those are muppet lips. Can you Google face transplant, please? Shimmer ended up in that somehow. Shimmer doesn't have lips. She's got some lips I think. She doesn't, she has a bottom lip, she has no upper lip. George Bush has no lip. And you know what you do?

Yeah those lips, those are Joe Lips lips. David Corn. Look at that, there's Joe Lips right here. That's Joe Lips. That is so hurtful, Bobbin. I called you sad in Iowa, you didn't get back to me. And now you call me burn victim weird gun. No, David corn has like real

Muppet lips like flat flat Whose David court MSNBC commentate like it's not like no Let's it looks like somebody just stabbed Joe's face with a pen and that's his mouth Is it on his oh it's on his thing. Okay, listen I think Joe look I bud. I think you're I know what you're saying your problem is your mouth is small I got a small but you see Vee guy bounced Yeah, he had to go they were they were only getting the beginning of the show and they just wanted the Seller yeah, they both are yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what's what I want to know what's in the what's who who's what are they picking in the chat room?

We have a couple things about oh no one's really saying like who's got the best lips. Why not? I want pics. I want chat room pics right now. If you're in the chat room you look at everybody look in the camera. Everybody look deep was gonna go around the room and we're all gonna look at the camera. Alright first me. Yep. Okay. That's not spit that's don't are pleasing Now now Joe's lap go to Joe. Yeah Would you just punch yourself in the lips? Okay, now go to do Lewis Lewis Those are good lips man. Sick All right now go to John Shit those are those are good on camera, but it's live What did I tell you?

Different live man. All right good go to fucking no lips Shit those are those are good on camera, but All right, go to fucking no lip Face is awful So now to Lauren Lauren hair makes him fucking Lauren. Here we go. Here we go Lauren Here we go. No, what are you doing? Great. You listening to all these? Something you have you fucking weird bird All right Here we go.

Here we go. Here we go. Look, look, look, look, look. Come here, get back in here, Deepo. There's Deepo. Deepo's got some hot lips. Stop doing the kissy face. Just go straight out.

Deepo would be a movie star. Stop doing kissy face. Look, right in like that. That's it. That's all you got. OK, there you go. I want fucking list picks. List lip picks. And if you guys

don't take that opportunity to Photoshop, Dix on all of our faces, you all fucking suck. What do you got? Okay, so Robert Anthony says all their lips look like farm animal vaginas. That's not bad. I mean, it's not hilarious, but it's probably accurate. I've never seen a farm animal of the edge, but yeah, you'd have to yeah, you'd have to have a V I hit a fat. I am you can see like my jaw muscle on the side He also says deep has deep has sexy snake charmer lips Snake charmer Great more racism to rific. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, well, thanks for bringing your fans into the chat Gonna deal with your fucking racist into some nice fucking racism. We used to be very racist on this show.

Yeah, we're not anymore. Yeah, because you got a fucking TV show, you faggot. Jesus. Yes. Sick of it, dude. Sick of what, fam? Yeah. I know you are.

It's sick of you, too. It's not even a good show. Go ahead. Go ahead. I'm kidding. I love this joke. I really do. Go ahead.

You can come back and I'll you. Ronnie Fernandez says, Lewis first, Bobby Lass. Oh Fernandez. Oh, Fernandez. Oh, Fernandez. I'm about to take a sign right here. I think that's weird because I had you guys close because you have similar lips.

Yeah. You guys would know. This is why it's more like it's going. It's more like it's going. It's more like it's going. It's more like it's going. It's more like it's going. It's more like it's going. a dumb go might and he's guy guarantee he's got a shitty black hoodie somewhere And some type of mitten on and he fucking walks around the middle of the mall never goes into stores If you meet a robber Kelly fan you hit him in the fucking face go might

Knife song says tie up. It's a tie between a Lewis and Michael J Boom, yeah, that's him. I thought he meant literally okay It's those racist fans Yeah, there's just racist use racist purt. You're a hateful person. She's got a lot of body. I'm violent hateful person me Yeah, you you just looked into the camera Call me a violent hateful person because they're commenting the chat You literally fucking I gotta send a tweet out to get all my fan you eight fans racist fans fucking See Kyle in the racist. Yeah, they are we are a lot. Tino. We tell it like it fucking is

Hashtag the show He'll the I tell you that I got one of my one of my names. What is what are your names now? You guys can call me the real Astud the Puerto Rican rattlesnake Oh the show was a thing John Jada comedy no longer am I the Harrison of MMA radio you can now call me the artist formally known as the Harrison of MMA radio how about we just don't call you yeah, I don't yeah, I can't wait till podcasting's over Really can't wait what else you got blank script I really can't wait. What else you got? BlankSquirt says Lewis has good lips, but his wispy mustache ruins them.

I shaved. How do you like the racism when it's towards you? That's not cool, man. Jitty wispy mustache. That's another Puerto Rican slur. But I'm okay with it. I think it's okay. I don't give a shit. I'm not a fucking thin skin, fucking bitch.

Wow. You're a thick lip bitch. What else you got? Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch- What is that? Did you hear that was her? Literally made my dick. I mean that could just be on loop the whole time and I'm okay with it Because you know why that that sounds like eating pasta and getting my dish on that's two things I love It's like a men in black alien I think we're gonna take a break on a bomb. No, take that, please take it. I try it was not an aw, because it's been on Louis' thing since the 80s.

I couldn't get it off. It's fucking tough. All right, we're gonna take a break, we're gonna take a piss, we're right back, I could do an ad. Again, I want to thank Sean, and that is amazing. We will get everybody to sign this, not this one, the other one you gave us, and we'll send that back to you.

And if you guys want to send anything to the studio, please, what's the address? 117 McDougal Street, care of Robert Kelly, 10021. That's it. And you guys want to come to the studio, you can come in, hang out, and sit down on the couch, and have a drink with us, and sit in and watch the show live if you're in the

New York area. What's the email for that? YKWDproducer at RoyCast.com. Make sure you guys hit that guy coming in tonight. We got a guy coming in tonight, great. And also, we're going to be doing, we have an announcement to make and I guess I'll make it. Do it right now. Yeah. I am very proud announce and you Rob sent you the logo, right?

I didn't get any emails from him He just told me to make sure you announce it. He didn't say I said I told him to send you the logo He didn't say in the logo. I checked my email all day. I didn't see what all right. Well Rob fucked up, but We have a big announcement right cast, we proud ourselves on putting shows together. This is actually a riot cast original, which means we came, we got together and we started this with the talent from the ground up. We're very proud. We handpicked every show. We don't just take everybody. We don't take, we're very, very particular with the shows we pick because we put a lot of effort into it

and we care about them and we, you know, our money goes into it and this show we're very proud to announce. Kevin Brennan and Lenny Marcus will be doing a show here at Riotcast. It will be airing this Sunday night for the first time called Misery Love's company and it is fucking hilarious. I sat on one of the shows it was fucking hilarious. You're funny right? Kevin Brennan went off and it was one of the funniest things I'd ever heard. It is fucking hilarious. Kevin Brennan does not give a fuck. No he does not care at all at all at all I heard you trash me he's a jazz you trash rock trash but it's a very interesting show Lenny Marcus is there kind of the rudder of the show staring the ship of this craziness Kevin

Brennan and you know Kevin and Lenny it to a very very funny mother fuckers and now they have their own podcast we're very proud here at RiotCast to have them on the network. And we really think you're going to enjoy the show. So please, this Sunday night, right now, if you're listening to go to RiotCast.com, go to iTunes, I need you to subscribe and review. Hit the like button, whatever you got to do, whatever platform you listen to them on,

you go and you like it. Subscribe to it. Leave a great comment after you listen to the show, of course. And tell a friend, that's what we're all doing here on Riotcast. We're trying to help other shows, other people, other comics, we're trying to expose you as the fans to come up with creative great shows for you to listen to. So you have something out there to on your way to work or on your way home from work or wherever the fuck you are at work. You have some really funny, cool, interesting content

to listen to and that's what RiotCast is all about. So make sure this Sunday night, Misery Loves Company, Kevin Brennan, and Lenny Marcus here on RiotCast, I'm very proud to announce it, go and download it right now. All right, we'll be back right after this. It was literally four seconds. We're back.

Are we signing that? Yeah, we're gonna sign this one after. Yeah, we'll do it at the end of the show though. All right, we're back. The owner of all has shown up. One of the Jew owners, we said before. We said before now. Can I say something?

Can I say somebody? We said, I'm not an anti-Semite. Scopo. I'm not a long-term, you say the Jew or the anti-Semite. Get on the microphone. Put the microphone in the headphones on. We can't hear you. I'm sorry.

I said, as long as it's taken him to say Jew. That was not true. That's not true. He said it as soon as you walked in. First thing I always talked before. And I said that the owners, I made a comment about Jews. And he comment about Jews and who cares and I said something about the owners being Jews and that's what you know First of all that owners it's owner. Sorry. Can you can you turn this down? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, why owners? I thought I'm sorry. I apologize owner thought what you thought what curious

I thought you're the power of multiple men. Oh, no, but I am really curious what you thought No, no, I misspoke. He said, what did you say? What did you say? I said owners. You said owners are Jew. Jews. No, I said Jew owners. Jew owners. Now is that, is that bad? Jew, the Jew owners? The Jew owners?

The Jew is not a bad, yeah, it's not. You can't say Jew. The Jew owners. Come on. Is that bad? It doesn't, it doesn't sound right it sounds harsh it doesn't bother me why does yeah why does that sound harsh like you said I'm gonna ask my juwoners for a raise that was sound bad

I'm gonna ask my juweatrice more ranch. That sounds bad. If you describe anybody with the race before whatever it is, it's gonna sound bad. Obviously. Can I ask, know him the cash question? Yes, please. Oh my God. Earlier, Bobby says, what does this mean? What does cash mean in this context?

That's racist that even bring up cash when there's a Jew in the room. What does cash mean? You get about interest rates when they're finished. Go ahead. No, in this context, what does cash mean to you? The club is great, they feed you they pay five hundred dollars cash you i said you walk out with cash you walk out five hundred dollars cash you walk out five hundred dollars that not in

life and we're but but but but but but but but but but but if you say wait It depends, it really comes out to how we actually said it. The way you said it the first time, it definitely implies like, it's under the table money. But, but if you say, wait, but if you say, and you get to walk out with some cash, that doesn't, do the playback. You said, I said, walk out with cash. You paused and said, cash. No, I did not, I didn't say.

You did. I didn't go cash. It's the point. I went like, can I say something this? Sure. I was saying, because I was saying the great, we were really went, I went like, can I say something this? Sure. I was saying, because I was saying the great,

we were really hyping up the club, except for him and him. I went with the club. I said, it's a fucking credit. You cock sucker. I just wanted you to get mad. I like when you get mad, that's all. I hate you better.

You're better when you're mad. This is my last time on the show. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. Please, no, it's not. Don't imply that they criticized the club. They didn't criticize Don't care I don't I didn't feel like you criticize I know he was Chris

He that was a shot at them that wasn't a shot at the club. No, I said don't Apply that these guys were criticizing the club. No, he wasn't he but I'm saying I didn't take I he was that was a That was a shot of these guys because they don't play the club. That's what he was saying I think he was saying everyone right that's what you Like, said everyone saying the club's praises except for these. My point is that I was joking. It didn't go over. Okay, that's all it was. That's the theme of the day. Yeah, the theme of the show.

It's about spray peppermint. Listen to me. That's how juice smells. It's a mass game. It's a mass. That's the smell of money. You should have heard the smell of old. It's to smell the money. You should have to. You gotta have to smell the old that it's you. Why?

That could have been a black guy. This is so weird to me. Lewis is, Lewis is racist jokes of really funny when you have a Jew in the room. I'm literally laughing. No, they are heating up. Yeah. The black stuff wasn't so good.

This is all you need. No, his Jewish it is good. He's hard felt that's like All you need you used to walk out of the juice if you have a Jew with you at all times That's why hang out with Dave Smith. I was have a joke myself. I mean He just can't manage to get a manager They're Jewish all right well They're Jewish. All right, well. At least I won the match. Am I done?

No, you're not done. I want to talk about what happened last night with fucking Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton and this fucking God forbid, if it ever happens, Cruz. God forbid he ever gets elected. It's not gonna get elected. Is that Cruz? So basically, we're dealing with Hillary. It's not gonna get elected. So it's a cruise? So basically we're dealing with Hillary. Hillary's gonna win. Right.

Hillary's winning. That's what you're saying. Hillary's gonna be the next press. No, what I'm saying is, what's a cruise is not gonna be the nominees, what I was saying. Who's gonna be the nominee? Trump.

I think it's gonna be Rubio. It looks like it would be Trump right now. But if it's not Trump, it would be much more likely to be Rubio than Cruz. Cruz has very little support. You know what? You know what I'll tell you because I wise politics all day. This will scare you.

They said if you take, if you make it a two-man race right now, Cruz would be the nominee. He just won't be because they won't drop out fast enough, but if it were today, Cruz would actually win. When he went to kiss his daughter, when she was coming off the bus, it was one of the creepiest things I've ever seen. That's because he has Lauren lips That's not fair. Yeah, he has fucking Joe list lips. I Want to deal with it, but I got to check my phone because I'm getting a text message and it could be you know

It could be something important Okay, good. So who was it? It was not me. So I just made $80,000. I I'm paying the comments. I think it was, did you see the video of him trying to kiss his daughter? Yeah, I saw that. But yeah, but I like the kids do stuff like that sometimes. You know, I don't like when people pick something that's unflattering about somebody that they could have picked about anybody But they do it because it's something they don't like and then he was at to justify what is they don't I don't like

Prove it. No, this is why this is why I don't like it I don't think I do that with my parents my mother would try to get you something like that I don't think it's perverted. I don't think it's perverted just I don't think it's perverted with some people are going that way Which I don't what was that I don't think it's perverted. I don't think it's weird like always trying to say I don't think it I think it's phony he was being a phony and he got caught on film trying to oh I'm a family and his daughter was it get the fuck away from me You never can't be before I do that I was fucking phony You what are you gonna do? I mean they're all politicians. They're all phony and if you put cameras on these people at all times

You're gonna there's like literally you can literally just watch hours and hours of footage of every politician. Get in court and lie, you're looking stupid. They're not all phony. Can I say something though? Phony, I hate phony, I hate fucking, you know, people who are sellouts, I fucking hate it. You can do a job, do a job.

Now look, there's a lot of advice on how to get a good night's sleep. But the best advice I can give this is to get a good night's sleep. This is what you do. It's a great mattress, all right? Do what I did. This podcast not working for you. So obviously need something for you. Get a cast for mattress, all right? The execution on that was so poor. It was such a good joke, but it was just so poorly done. I know. You know, last year who's going to Hollywood just redo that whole thing? Last year you got to go into it as like, oh, you're not a phony. Yeah, he's going to hoonies.

Yeah, you're an actor. He's 44 years old. He's leaving for Hollywood tomorrow. I, yes, though, I really do hate phony. Yeah. And there's lots of advice on how to good a good night's sleep. You know, we all need a good night sleep. We do.

But the best advice I can give is this. What? You know, to get a good night sleep, you need a great mattress. You do. You do what I did. What'd you do? Got a Casper. I actually did get one of these.

Then you'll really know what a good night sleep is. I do now, buddy. All right, bra. Name one of the best inventions of 2015 by Time Magazine. Casper, it really was. Dig it, people. Casper's a single perfect mattress for all sleepers. One mattress comes in a box like three feet by two feet, delivered to your house, cut it open.

It seems really uncomfortable. Engineered for supportive comfort guarantees you a great night's sleep just like their new seats and their pillows. They've got do-layer pillows. Did you know that? One just like their new seats and their pillows. They've got do layer pillows Did you know that? Unbelieveable never get hot cold contains nearly a billion micro fibers When's the last time you've had a billion of anything? Twinkies Gallery is come on come on John. I eat that Jamie? I don't like fat Jamie. That's not cool. I don't like fat Jamie.

I eat a lot of honey buns. Yeah, they're lip shaming. Casper will ship the mattress food. I'm not fucking making diabetes jokes. All right, it's a sickle cell joke. Get it in a minute. All right. Oh.

Get that ashy figure and put it down. I didn't say anything about getting your foot cut off. There's free shipping for the mattress, and you can try it at your home for 100 days. 100 days. You can actually sleep on it, dude. So here's what you do. For free.

Lewis, since you have no place to sleep, get a mattress, sleep on it for 100 days. I get three months of free mattress time. Three months. And then send it back. If you don't like it, they'll come pick it up, too. Do you know how much of my commas can be on that mattress?

Billion. A hundred. Billion. Every microfiber. Billion. I need something to throw at Lewis. Why? That doesn't hurt him, but we'll like make him not say things

in my, that'll hurt me. Can I tell you Robert, can I give you a suggestion, Robert? You should do these ads and cut them in, because your sponsor, you know, you need to just, yeah, well, we're doing good. We were doing great. Great nice place. Stop counting sheep get a Casper try for a hundred nights in your own home free If you don't like it, they'll come pick it up. Yeah, go to castor.com and use code Dude dude, that's D U D E for $50 towards the purchase of your math. This is the mattress You were telling me about I got yeah, dude. Yep, 50 bucks towards the purchase of your mattress. This is the mattress you were telling me about. I got, yeah.

Do, yep, 50 bucks toward the purchase of your mattress Casper.com. You get it, this is the mattress you were telling me about. You were talking to me about, you can get a king size mattress for under a thousand bucks, which is really good. What is the invention though? I don't understand why it.

Because they invented a certain type of mattress that has the, it's almost like microfibers in the way they put it together that you can it folds up This little tiny box sent it to you. It's and it's under a thousand chipable shipable send it Throw it right on the floor throw it right on your box spring whatever you got how heavy is it? It's nothing. It can't be ever comes in that box. Yeah, not that heavy at all and then it's really good So there you go. I love it. I at all. And then it's really good. So there you go.

I love it. I like that you can keep it for a hundred days. Because a lot of times you order a mattress and you know, you don't like it. I've actually got a mattress and didn't like it and was fucked. Yeah. And I wound up just taking a hit

and giving up. Can you fold the mattress back into that little box? No. No, no, no. Now be fucking awesome. It's like a map. Yeah. They're hard to fold.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Car. Very difficult. So we just made the announcement that Kevin Brennan's new show with Lenny Marcus, misery loves company. Heirs today. So go get it. And actually, if you listen to live it, heirs Sunday night.

That is going to be the best show ever. I've actually listened to one. I guess he trashed me one one. He trashed you on one. Very impressed that Lewis has not made an anti-Semitic comment. What? I read me four already. What are you talking about? On Lenny. Oh, on Lenny. Oh, why are you man? God, he wanted't keep what he's somebody tells us. Yeah, I mean, I mean, Kevin is trashing everybody, and the whole place is buzzing about it. I've never seen this kind of buzz about a podcast.

Lenny calls me and he's like, dude, a lot of people coming, you know, talking about, I go, I go, let me get this straight. A lot of people are talking about your podcast that hasn't aired yet. Everybody's talking about, not like, keep Robb's who wants to punch Kevin in the nose already. I know.

I'm going to stop with that violence. It's just a podcast. Plus, he can't reach. He, uh, yeah. Well, I listened to, uh, some of it. It was funny. And I've heard, you know, he's been on a couple of the shows. He was on race wars a couple last week Very funny Kevin's fucking does he like he said if everybody thinks him an asshole I might as well just be the asshole everybody thinks I am he's doing he's doing what he what I mean He's doing what he's best at I don't mean being an asshole mean just like being being Kevin I read I read that he's not pulling punches

Yeah, he's not he's actually just saying what the fuck he feels. He's being a real ass dude. So are you gonna talk to me about the Deepu's hygiene in that meeting that I had with him? Oh yeah, that was brutal. Fucking Deepu has a meeting. I said he's dirty. No, that's not that.

Jesus Christ. I said it. Yeah, and that's not it. He said his face looks dirty. Yeah, I think he said he is dirty. Yeah, I think he said he is dirty I just wanted if you wanted to talk about it. No, deep who has a meeting no man. No, I'm is making no We got something going on over there, right? He's putting in these putting in cameras Hires deep who sits down with deep. Oh, the higher I'm to do all this tech stuff cuz deep was a fucking you know

He's a prodigy with all this stuff. That's not the reason we go ahead So I way cheaper than the other reds. Yeah. I don't want. Lewis is fucking blind. I know. Look, you can say Lewis. I mean, he said, you know, wait, can you meet with the police?

As soon as he said that, everybody just turned him up. The whole room just rotated to a Lewis. Oh, here he goes. Well, he's carrying a red capon for the Lewis. The sad thing is you threw it up there. He had to go jump and get that. We were like, oh, here it comes. All you?

Yeah, you threw that all you put. If he had got that, I'd have let him off the hook. I'd have been like, you set him up for that. Come on back. He, uh, so we have dinner. So he's having dinner. Yeah, great. He's really good.

It was probably the most awkward dinner. Half prize, right, dinner. go ahead. It was really it was probably the most awkward interview. I've tried dinner Go ahead. He made people said on the floor I You knew You would eat your monkey brains on the floor I walk any of my hands because I had wings so people have to work him there Yeah, it was a it was like an episode of Seinfeld how bad it went for okay, so the first thing that happened was I People had to uber him there. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And he will let that fucking chino sit for a fucking hour and a half and then still sip it. He doesn't it is fucking it's his drink.

I can't wait to know one right. This this fucking Monti Chi. It's a little hairy animal. Fucking sheds a hair in his fucking cap. What? I got to I got to sip the cappuccino and I'm like, who's southern Asian hair? Is this like cappuccino? How did you where your head over the cappuccino and I'm like who's southern Asian hair is this like cappuccino? How did you you head over the cappuccino? He had the cappuccino position in front of my head

Yeah, it's my fault. Yeah, yeah, go ahead Was it a knuckle hair? What was it here? It was like a long hair from like a So could've been from your arm your cheek your face It was probably a head hair though now you always scratch your head. Oh, is that what it is? You might have been in it. Just please. But I didn't like it. No the funny thing about the me is I didn't even care.

I didn't upset about it. Well it was funny that he tried to deny it, which was lame. Why didn't you do it? I don't know. He's like it's not, I don't think that's mine. I said I don't think that's mine. And we're all looking at each other like, there's a black hair on top of the cappuccino who's all could it be?

The people right now you still don't, you kind of don't think it was yours. I mean, I didn't see it go in it could have been someone walking I was shouting the hair prideful people. Yeah Just let it just take the hit just a Paul Johnson, but I just took the hair out and I drank the cappuccino I don't get all crazy about the hairs and stuff people. I don't understand why that's such a thing But his hair that's what started the Middle East conflict right there. Yeah right there You get grossed out about a hair and something? Deep who's yeah? I'm not a fucking statin' island pillow. He's sleeping on. I'm a fucking bed bug apartment. He's fucking alright. I'm getting it. And then also there's the butt stuff. I don't understand. I just shit on the toilet. I sit down. What? Everyone's

started putting out the butt. They're gonna walk down a toilet. They make, they build a fort. Whoa. What the fuck are you talking about? How do you go on fire? You're taking a shit in public, oh man. Versa. Versa. This show just got real white. Ha ha.

Why, when you take a shit in public, you don't wipe the seat. Bro, I covered the toilet bowl with toilet paper. Yeah, definitely. You're not bothered by that? Right. I give it a what? If there's piss on it, I won't sit on it. I don't have billed a fort with you put the toilet paper down

I Wipe it's been billed before yeah, well Joe you're the person who gives herpes of the toilet seat Yeah, you're the guy who does that you're just wrong. We're afraid of you You don't know happen. You're not gonna catch anything from the toilet seat first of all I don't have herpes in the back of my ass. You have it in your dick then you put your dick in between your legs to piss before you poop Trudette I don't have herpes in the back of my ass. You have it in your dick then you put your dick in between your legs to piss before you poop. True that. You guys do that? Yeah.

Are we black again? Do you put your dick in between your legs and piss before you poop? He has to. Do you build a fort? Bobby, if I put it in there, it's gonna be on the floor. You're just dicking the toilet water. I'll just end up in the toilet, you're gonna be all in the water. Bobby, next to him, he's gonna go, what the fuck is that?

If you're a shitty public, do you build a fort? If I shit in public and I'll tell you why I don't build a fort because on myth busters they actually did that the how dirty are public toilet seats yes and it's uh... you should wipe it clean that's what I do you should wipe it with what what okay I want to tell you get toilet paper and you wet a little bit out there and wipe it down and then wipe it again. With sanitizer or just with toilet paper. Sometimes they have sanitizer in the bathroom, you can use that.

He has never done this. I have to do, I do not. You put sanitizer on the toilet paper. Absolutely. This is what I do, you want to know what I do? I always, and this is my number one fucking rule. When I travel, I have baby wipes in my backpack. When I take a shit, I baby, I baby wipe the toilet seat,

then I wipe it off dry with paper, and then I'll sit down. When I get on the plane, I baby wipe the hand rest. I baby wipe the... It's just water though, there's no hand sanitizers. No, I have hand sanitizers. You have baby wipes, yeah. Let me see, you have hand sanitizers, baby wipes.

Yes, I'm the same. I don't have mommy. No, no, you said everywhere you go. You carry. I'm aizers, baby wipes. Yes, I'm the same. I don't have mommy. No, no, you said everywhere you go. You carried. When I travel, he said. Absolutely when I travel. How'd you get here today? Huh?

I traveled. You slept here? So how would you react to the deep whose hair and your cappuccino? I don't, if I saw deep whose hair in the cappuccino, I'd just take it out. And if I really wanted the cappuccino, I drink it. But if I owned the place,

I would've got a new fucking cappuccino. The cappuccino cost. Go ahead and say it owned the place, I would've got a new fucking cappuccino. The cappuccino cost... Go ahead and say it, Lewis. I'm gonna wait. You like 32 cents. I'm gonna waste a perfectly good cappuccino. No, I have the tip also if I get another one. Lewis say it. Say it.

Jat Room, say it. When Nome spooned it out, I recall him saying, Jesus Christ. I didn't like the retarded. You're using my Lord and Savior's name in vain, not cool, after what you did to him. I didn't say that. And it's with this, but what was funny to me

is that apparently Deepo was really like, after the meeting, is freaking out of that. Yeah, and I could, I could, I could, but I couldn't have cared less. He doesn't even know you do comedy. Yeah, I don't think that, he does do comedy. And it's hard for me to perceive. I don't know. Do you know Lewis used to do comedy here? Yeah, I don't think he does do comedy. And it's hard for me to see. You know, Lewis used to do comedy here. Yeah, he still does. No, no, I canceled last

minute. And then I, and she, it's been like at least three months since I ever got it to think again. Six months. Well, it wasn't last minute. No, I, I canceled. She sent me the spot. And then I canceled this and oh, shit, I made a mistake. I won't be back in town. And then I didn't get anything back from that no she was like she was like oh no She was like yeah, but she said you're available. I was like yeah, but I'm not now. Yeah, was that before already came back No, it was after it was probably right before already came back Yeah, but already started coming back now already is back. It's tough to get this stuff to get those spots I'm gonna fucking strangle him in his sleep Already the guy who survived of car Yeah, I'm gonna survive this one. I was Joe Ray Ellen was the only guy not happy to see you already

It was already on Ray on the moon. I see another fucking Ray Ellen a Ruba in a pool with highlights in his hair Photo on Facebook. I really I really I didn't know that he booked that gig When he came in here, and I was just know a Ruba Ray booked that no I didn't know that he booked that gig when he came in here and I was just know a Rubo Ray booked that. No I didn't know I was just gonna was Ray Allen and then he came in I was just really shitty to him and he didn't like me. I don't know I got man. I'll never get on that gig now. Well you can get on that gig we can repair that you want to go? Yeah let's go to a Rubo. I think he's too dirty for that gig. You think? I don't think so you don't even know a standup. Yeah I've seen a stand but dirty. I've lot of dirty stuff. Do you really? You couldn't clean it up?

Not an hour. No, I've got 20 minutes. 20 minutes. Yeah, I could do 20 minutes clean. Yeah, but they're retirees. Yeah, I mean, 20 minutes good clean. Okay. So the best. I was telling them I just worked this Sarasota room this week

and Friday night first show sold out, packed. It was like the cast of cocoon. I was shitting my pants. It was fucking old people everywhere. I'm sure they left. They did, but I was still panicking, like fuck me. But they were unbelievable. And I figured that old people to me now are from the 60s.

You know what I mean? And they were, they're the ones who were fucking what old people still is. They let it as play. They still let them. It's still a tricky demographic because sometimes they clam up. Yeah, you gotta be careful.

You can't say certain words. You can only say, you know, I'm fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I get to really say, stop that. And I can stop it in my brain. It's like when you say it in real time. You gotta have to say, I'm not gonna, like when you do radio. I don't ever swear on radio,

and I'm still just as funny, it's just a thing that goes in my head. But if I'm on radio and in the commercial, the people start going, fuck this and fuck that. When we go back on, I'll be like, yeah, fucking my mother, fucking wife. And they're like, whoa, look, if they trigger that, I'm fucked.

Well, old people don't have, I mean, they have like Facebook shit, but there's no movement to get old people to be PC and to be afraid of certain words. So you get older people, you could say, you could say Faggot in front of an older crowd, they're not going to climb up, they just said Faggot when they were growing up. You can't say Faggot in front of a younger crowd today.

It's just what, you can't get away with it anymore. No, yeah. And listen, I got to tell you though, but every time somebody doesn't do well in front of all the crowd every time They say it's because the crowd was older. I Think they're easier. It didn't ever but I'm saying it never cursed them They just didn't have a good set of they weren't that funny. I was I was in the underground watch I don't want to say what the Comet was I was with Ted Alexander and Comet was having like a really mediocre set and

Then right before I'll take right before she got off She we know she who come on. Oh God. We know that right where right before she got off she we knew she who come on. Oh, we know right more here. She got off Right before I supposed to say day right before they got off They said it's a little it was a tranny right before they got off. They're really the media okay right before they got off They said they went to one of their really funny bits and they said something really funny and what was the joke about and the room and they said something really funny. And the room exploded and laughter. And I said to Ted Alexandria, they had come off right before that joke.

And then what does this say? And you would have said, comedians always says, how are they? And she would have said, they're all right. But then she said something one of her really funny things. And then you realize, no, it's not that they were right. you had been just all right up until that point

You know what's funny about that. I'm one of those comedians and and these guys will tell you I never Blame the crowd you shouldn't I know it's ever heard me say that was a bad crowd You know, but I still think that some of the stuff that I say I have I have a tougher time I don't work at a cell unless the only reason why. I work everywhere else. That's my fault. That's a bad joke. But I still think that some of the material though I find isn't immediately relevant.

If you're talking about people over 60, you know what I mean? You're talking about like I tell a student loan joke or something like that. Or a lot of the topics sometimes are like, it's just tougher to connect because they're not in that mind I think I never Got a more universal for somebody over six. You can't talk about you know Some but I think I think they get it. You know this weekend. We had this guy this guy hosting was good I never talked to this guy this guy hosting was good

But then this guy Jared came in who was a wanted to do a guest spot and he went out and I didn't know what he was gonna do as good as he did. And he went out and they, he fucking zing them, bing, bing, set up punch tags, set up point and fucking knocked it out of the park. Uh, in front of this crowd. I thought I, I was like, this kid's not gonna do as good as he thinks he's gonna, but he fucked, they got it. He just stuck to his guns, did his shit and walked out and even me I was I was panicking Friday night. I was panicking Yeah, I was going so I was I was actually Going so fast in my act because I was doing this is gonna suck

You know when you just say fuck it drop into six Brrrr You had to down shift I had a down shift and relax because they were actually enjoying everything I was stepping on laughs. Yeah, but you have a whole lot of material now that appeals to people who are older. First of all, you've gotten older. And second of all, you have kids now. You have a family.

And they really identify with that stuff. Yeah, but my kids- Let's just look funny. I got some silly look. Kind of heavy balls. You know what I mean? You walk out and they're like, look at this thing. You got a putty kind of look going on. I know what you're saying, but even my kid stuff and my family stuff is a little racy. But they don't care? I know, but it's all...

They don't care. It is hard. I heard one woman I was saying, Jizz and she went, hmmm, as she shook her head. She went, hmmm, I don't know what you're saying. I was like, I'm one woman I was saying Jizz and she went and she shook her head and I went and you want Jizz I got you can find a young girl who goes when you say Jizz but they should never do that right unless you've never put a fucking dick in your mouth what it's happening let's go put your foot on a power switch are we done yeah we just lost those three.

I fucking hate. Stop. Stop what? Stop at the show. Let's go. Fix it. What are we fucking? What are we back?

We're alive. Are you kidding me? We're alive. Scopo, can you leave? You didn't know what? The fucking power switch? You and your tapping fucking foot? I think we should strive to get to a place in our lives

when we say someone stepped on the thing, it doesn't have to be Scopo, did it? It was an accident, it's a fucking table. Bernie said there's a fuck. It shouldn't be a power strip right now. And I said that, how many times have I said that? Exactly. Deep booze, fuck.

How many deep booze, fuck? Wait, wait, deep booze, fuck. You have to level up for tees that put in my cameras? Yes. I'm customer gonna turn off the power switch to the cameras People are too. You're shitty here on our fucking coffees What the fuck I'm sorry dude, dude, you make me so angry, but dude here you take this is a hate band Okay, I'm gonna bomb and Dan oh we're not on Not a bomb band in it's a bomb Dan oh fucking now, and I don't even know what to do now

I mean I got this audio was this audio gonna work. Yeah, that was anything we lost the fucking whole show No, no, we have the first half archive is online. I can get that. What about the second half? No, whatever we just lost power. We have everything up to that point So what are we doing now? I'm getting everything back up so that we can continue We're getting anywhere we left off right? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. What do you mean by pretty much?

We're missing all this. Oh, chemistry? That's where we left off. Well, this is the moment we can say, we accept you, Chris. We didn't mean to, not pissing off. I don't think it's this fault. I don't think it's this fault either. I think you're still mad about the lip shit.

The obvious thing. It happens. See, from the single now. I'm looking at you. You just Should it fucking happen no upper lip shouldn't happen but I'm moving my feet around I don't know. I'm not shit happening. No. I've actually had this conversation about these fucking wires a Million fucking times that you know well I've here and no one told me Joe don't move your feet at all. You shouldn't have to have that conversation All right, they should be up. They your feet at all. You shouldn't have to have that conversation. All right. They should be up.

They should have been up. This shouldn't be here. So it's that person's responsibility. Yeah, that person. That's Deepu, which we just chant. The person who started this thing with... Chris Scopo just fucking did this. Yeah, but Chris should know better.

And I like blaming Chris. I like that. I like blaming Chris. It's fun. It does have a big ass. But blaming Chris for stuff is funer than Deepu. And over a big ass. Bame blaming Christopher stuff is funnier than deep and overrated lips. What is this? He actually needs deep. What? He needs deep.

I'm not saying that. I didn't want to say that loud. Chris gets up and walks out. It's funny. Show would just be better. If someone left to be better, people can't walk out. He got to be careful with deep. Fuckin' Christ. People, I think you have some resentment towards Chris that you need to work out. Sorry Chris, I fucked up. Anyway, I thought the meeting with Deepo was good just for the record.

I can carry. I was nervous. I wasn't prepared. Just stop talking to Deepo. Get the fucking shot back out. I don't need to fucking... I just feel like Deepo will be happy if he gets rid of these resentments. Can I also say this, turn the negative into a positive, but advertise because we're

recording the audio right now. Advertise that you get the special behind the scenes after the power was killed, bonus content in the audio on the MP3 on iTunes. Wow. Thank you, Lauren. Wow, brilliant. I love your lips, Lauren.

I love you. You're not brilliant. That was good. Are you kidding me? You're not brilliant. I want to ask you right now, do you think you're brilliant from a promotional marketing standpoint? No, yes, just I didn't say I said no. Yes, no, but I said no. Yes, we'll ask anyway

You answer the question When is that thing on your eye gonna go I gotta go to the doctor? Well, let me say that three weeks ago I have I listen give my problem if I go to the doctor. I'm gonna find out I have cancer and I can't deal with getting cancer I was weak. Yeah, no, no, you know, I have. It's not a style. It's the other thing. Yeah, it's not a style. It's a, um, about it's like, it starts with a seat.

Yeah, call it right here. Shaleezy on. Shaleezy on. Shaleezy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had that. What'd you do to it? And I went to the doctor and he said, listen, you can probably, you should probably cut

it off. He says, you know, you butt, bases, but you can put a warm rag on every night and it says there's a very, very slight chance that'll work. I tried that and that's what I did in it and went away. Well, no, you still had a start. No, no, I had exactly what he is. I had that in a won't go away with the rag, but they cut mine. All right.

I mean, I've listened for months. It's all right. Guys, shut the fuck up. Sorry about the delay. Sorry, I mean, the disconnection. We're back. Everything's shattering. Sorry about that. People listening, I mean the disconnection, we're back, everybody in the chat room, sorry about that. People listening, I apologize,

we had a little malfunction with one of the wires in the room that we will fix, and it will never happen again. And it doesn't matter who's fault it is. We're all one unit. We're all in this together. Well, we're guests on the show. It's not all that's their fault.

Yeah, it has nothing to do with you. I feel like I'm more of a regular than a guest than four years. And he's sticking to it. Your teeth are irregular. That's his mean. They are just me at this point. Anyways, let's get back to the thing

that you have to have surgically removed from your face. That was a fun conversation. Don't move, Chris. Please don't fucking move, scope up. Go sit over on the couch. Go sit on the couch. I'm kidding. I'm kidding I'm kidding he really meant I did not I would he's mean I'm not

Stop you're mean you're mean I'm you're very mean. It's a your mean. You're a bully. And that's fine. He's a bully Let's just pretend I drop dead and now defend yourself. Okay, I almost a bully Like you're alive. That's what I remember about him is that his employees would call him mean in a bully. And he paid cash. No, no tax. You're the top of the seller. No tax. It should be known.

600 cash. No sub laughing, which means something's weird is going on. No, no, no, I'm as the attention span. It's not cash. Very small. In my mind, I'm thinking like could somebody actually listen to this and like, you know, get me ordered to something. We pay everybody 10.99. Oh, we, we all get, we we all get we all get all I mean taxed on it. Yeah, everything I brought it up

Yeah big tax, I'm just bullied you and to say I'm not paying by check. No, we do No, don't pay no, I think actually this this this Joe I like that. Now you're gonna go to ATM every night when you would take a cap back to the bank. Yeah, go to the bank. Fucking Joe's. You'll still get your cash, but I can get this again. Oh, I love for you to get a check.

I'm happy to get anything. I'm very grateful to be here. There's one reason we're not gonna, there's one important reason we're not gonna pay by check and that is I don't want to sign all those fucking checks every night. Does that it? Absolutely. You know what, a nightmare that is I don't want to sign all those fucking checks every night. Is that it? Absolutely. Yeah. You know what a nightmare that is. Make us sign. You can get a signature stamp, but I had that one time and bookiefer stole 100 grand from me with it. Whoa! Really?

Oh, 100 fucking grand! Dan Cook's brother? Remember? No, I'm saying no. Darrell, Jewish Insanessious woke him up from his sleep. In the money's stomach, somebody's stealing. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

What was the steal? Would you say your name? Yeah, it was my signature. Signature. You can register with a bag and then someone who works for you can actually stamp your checks. Is that President Jail now? No.

Why is he usually letting him get away with the money? No, I pressed charges, but she had a son who was like, you mean they again It's a woman they had a son who is a rape joke She had the discharge attorney stamper. She was like cleared She had a son was like eight years old at the time and I was just like fuck it The worst joke ever on this That was a good one do it again. It It will last I just had a few good ones today I

Was doing it again. Do it again. Do it again. What was the joke? It's the worst kind of bomb when nobody understands what happened? I didn't hear it had a few of those today. It was like a car accident bomb. I'm having a rough one This is my cow. It eats me That I'd like you no fucking one of friends. Why? I don't know what fuck cow. We're cool. What was the joke again? Let's try it again He said that the girl's not in jail and then I interrupted and said because she also had a the district attorney's signature stamper The best part is that's how Lewis thinks the judicial system was That there's a stamp that says yes or no

I've never met that I love and hate at the same time. I stand by that joke. I don't get the fuck, of course you will. That one, that's where you stand by the inside of the stand every night. It took like a Puerto Rican crowd. They would laugh. I know, I get it, Bobby.

Low blow. So this person stole 100 grand off of you. How did you find out? It's so upsetting to me. Come on, how'd you try? I really want to hear this. I began to, do you want to hear the story? Yes, I do.

Okay, so she accounts as fortune every night. You're not doing well enough that you don't notice 100 grand missing. It wasn't all at one time, it was over like three years. I'm doing well enough to not notice 100 grand over three years. But listen, so this is what happened. When I first opened the fat boy pussycat, it was very like three years. I'm doing well enough to not know as a 100 ran over three years. But listen, so this is what happened. She once, when I first opened the FAPLI Pussycat, it was very makeshift. I didn't have a system and I caught her stealing like 30 grand. Wow.

And I had a meeting with her. How was she taking it? This was because we didn't have a tight system yet and she was just skimming cash. But all the records were there when I finally got around. So like in the first six months you're so busy with other things. But when I finally got the place up and running and, but all the records were there when I finally got around. So like in the first six months, you're so busy with other things, but when I finally got the place up and running, and I had all the records, I noticed how,

so I confronted her with it and you're crying and everything, and then you didn't fire on the spot? No, but I felt at that time that it was kind of my fault because I put all this cash in front of her with no system, and the place was more successful than that. What? What? What? That's definitely your fault if you didn't fire right there how are you successful this is not fun to problem with that this is why I don't want to tell the story no go ahead go ahead and she was she was she was an old friend of mine and she was

very good anyway so so we made a deal that she would pay back the money like I don't know I was like fifty dollars a week or so. In hand jobs. In hand jobs. The hand jobs. I don't remember what it was. No, it was more than probably $100. I would have. So you like locked her in through to another 12 years of employment.

Yeah. So. That's actually more criminal than what she did. So it got to the point. It was a couple years later, it got to the point which I think she would like seven or eight grand left And she paid you back with your money Now these were my punchline I think

That's right so center so I had a meeting with her in the olive tree and I said look You know she's been she's been doing a really good job and a bit of a long time so I had a mirror So listen, I know that you all this money, but I've been thinking about it. I said I want to give you a raise and Just let's just forget about the money that you owe me and She says no, no, that's I need to pay that money back I you know, I wouldn't feel right if I didn't pay it back and I said and I really began to well But you know, listen just use it for your son. Let's just move on

And she cried and I'm a week later. I found out she was stealing 100. She's on the This is Because nowadays with and I consider myself to be 140 grand actually to be honest I consider myself to be a pretty liberal guy, but these liberals these young liberals They make it seem like these white Male business owners are these horrible people are the devil Unbelievable compassion displayed here. Yeah, no, I'm as well. No, if anything is generous I've never tormented he

I was the same page with that. Sometimes, see that coming. Sometimes you're in general, it's just not possibly doing. Sometimes to a fault, he's generous. I mean, he is one of the most generous. Can you name an example? Well, I remember when we were moving out of the city, when I was moving out of the city, I needed to rent a house.

I didn't have the money in the bank to just go buy another house. I needed to rent a place, look for a place, get the money, then buy the place. His house was out just sitting there. He had moved into his brand new mansion that the comedian's paid for up on a hill in the back. It was beautiful house. But he had this other beautiful house up in Arzli.

And he, I was like, dude, I would like to rent that house and he was like, yeah, whatever. You can stay in it. And I was like, no, I wanna pay you. Like I had to give him the money, like, and like work it out with him because he was like, yeah, just whatever. Like what did just let me stay there?

Which is- So your example of him being generous is him being a Jew landlord. No, that's not a Jew landlord. No, that's not. He was just gonna let me stay there for one for it, right? I I had the huh I had to pay I had a pay no money I hit a I pay paid the taxes I paid the little more than taxes no no tax it was two, but But

He paid the taxes I paid a little more listen I know I pay the taxes, but he he was like whatever you know, I think that's I didn't ask him pay the taxes No, not at all But I'm not wanting to fire somebody though like right out the gate is because you'd notice you've been working with them Right I don't want to bring in some you don't want to bring in some random right? No, I really did feel kind of responsible like you can put somebody in a situation and make a thief out of them And I felt I made you ask why she stole and I didn't ask that I have I have that instinct though I really do like if I walk into a place. Yeah, if I walk into place and there's money sitting on a counter

Yeah, my instincts go take that money great call back That's how I he's calling back to the part about his parents dying when he was a kid Is that too harsh? That's hilarious Jesus So but the second time she's stalls she had an elaborate system It wasn't just with a signature stamp. She was destroying credit card I mean it was complicated and and and the second time it was my count now when you when you sat it down You go look it you're gonna have to pay back this 140 will do two hundred dollars And, and, and the second time it was my count. Now, when you, when you sat down and you go, look, you're gonna have to pay back this 140.

We'll do 200 dollars. And I gotta take that that raise. I'm sorry. No. So the second time, not all of it, I'm gonna take back 50% of the raise. Yeah. And you're doing a good business. And let's be honest, in a couple of years, I'm gonna let the other half-time. So this, so the second time I went to press charges and she had like 30 grand left or something.

And she went to Mexico She left the country and got robbed and all the money can't she got all the money And she lost all of it she lost all of it. So then she came I don't know with 30 grams She whatever cash. She had love she got she got stolen and then then she she had to come back to America And I did press charges, but when it came actually to Having her go to jail I jail, I told the judge that I would, I said, listen, I'm not interested in her paying her. I mean, I said, it'd be nice if she'd pay her debt to society, but really, I'm more interested in her paying her debt

to me. She's got a child and isn't there some way she can just pay it back and not be lost to her child. So they worked out something that she was supposed to pay me back like a hundred dollars a month or whatever. I would never get it back with something. And then she paid her for like six months and then she just didn't pay. And then the deal was if I went to reported her, then they would put her in prison. It would have rested. Yeah. But I just didn't. And it's true that I don't regret it because I wouldn't get the money back. So what's the point? You have a kid grow up without a mom. She's a single mother. I mean, look, she's a piece of shit no matter what. She's a piece

of shit. That's right. But you're's just that kid would have probably been better off growing up without without that mom. No, she's a good mom. I don't know. She's a good mom. Yeah, do even even people do desperate shit. She might have signed everything. Yeah, you did. There's nothing that kid didn't know. I mean, just because she steals, this is just a bad mom. She could be a great mom. Which is about her mom, not you or mom. I don't think any of the Lewis mom jokes are gonna go here but I just just based on I just thought I just thought I just basically up here she's listening spirit she is it's on you right god damn it stop me right John I'm sorry oh now you're right god damn it

we just I get why I get why I forgot that she had to get I get why you did it. I mean, look dude, $140,000 would burn so much. I mean, you should be you should be allowed to beat the shit out of her. 140. You should like the the on Lewis's podcast. This week real last dude. If they said you were allowed to punch her in the stomach, legally, would you take the shot? No, I think you did the. What you got to do. I was hit during the stomach.. Would you take the shot? No. I think you did the honorable. What you gonna do?

I was hit here in the stomach, she's gonna go, ow. I'm gonna tell you something else. She's gonna have to fake injury. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You don't be funny after that,

and she sued him. This is such a razzle. There's something else about that, that kind of thing that not everybody, you have to go through to understand it. It's like each day that it continued was painful. And like you just want it to be over. It's almost like that's it, fuck it.

Just disconnect with it. I'm done and I can move on with my life because it got six months and then she's in prison and going to court and then it was so upset. You're changed to that. You know what I mean? While you're going through. That's right, that's why I said,

get rid of this. I'll never get into money back. What am I doing? You got to do it. You can do it for a few of come never get into money back I like what am I? Victims don't press What's that? Is she even gonna do it for a few days? Well, she was in she got arrested Wow, and then she got out on bail A few of your bills and build herself out she was stripped searched Yeah, what did you say it's it's rape victims? What so that's why rape victims don't press charges?

Why just want to be done with it? You can't get unraved. You can't get unraved. You don't want to keep, just want to get away. You just want to disengage from the energy of it. I understand that. Yeah. But yeah, you go to jail.

You're only in there for like 24 hours. So they figure out who you are. Didn't let you out. Yeah. Would you rather be raped or lose $140,000? Bobby go. Rape by who? Man or woman?

A man. Like a josa or a jong size. We'll say a deep who. I fucking take. I'll take a. He's not gonna suck your dick. He's gonna fuck you in the ass. Oh, deep I take a rape.

This dick's gonna make a dent. I think it's a little insensitive towards our female listeners. She's okay. You're okay. All right, listen, well that's fucking, I mean, that's crazy of you, but I get it. Getting robbed, that is a shit feeling.

Just having that money going. I just see in the Godfather Part 2 where he comes back and he shoots the guy, you know, he comes back, like I don't want the kid coming back, getting me. Get a news for what for sure? For putting his mom in jail you know what what what if it didn't kill his mom no no it turned back to selfish again I said nothing to do with no big news guys you didn't want a Mexican shooting him in the head it was do I know the girl I I don't say her name yeah I think you she was around all those years why don't you want to say

her name her first name who gives a shit? Fuck her. I might, like, people aren't going to look her up, obviously, but, you know, don't give the name. This is a fake name. It's a fake name. Now, you've owned this place for, sent for how long? Well, this place that owns this, my father,

I was going to be on the cellar. I've owned a cellar since my father died like 10 years ago, but prior to that, I owned the fat, like, pussycat and the underground and the wha. Those are my plays. I know, I know. Those the fat like pussycat and the underground and the wha. Those are my plays. I knew I knew I was always when he owned the wha when he was the owner of the wha and it was fucking insane over there. We do comedy over there.

Yeah, I was going to I was going to ask him know when he thought that they would know in Denver. If he has a picture in his head of when they would know in Denver like yeah, the seller shucking pop. If it's the same as Arkansas, what was saying is what do you think made the popular tough crowd or Louis what made this nation wide were comics and other like we're not nation worldwide what made it pop I don't know

the answer to that the mean the while became famous when I had it all over the world and that was just word of mouth so I don't know no we'll talk about the comedy seller I know that I'm saying things become famous different ways in a in a in a combination. They're factors in me. It's not one thing that makes it tough crowd. We've even talked about this at all. Like you're talking about right around tough crowd right around Louis. It's also when we had a huge social media boom as well. So that definitely had to contribute to the fact that comics were

sharing information and this became around the world. Yeah. I mean, that's definitely an Anthony too. You guys talking about it on air. Yeah, there's a million little ways, but I think that you guys, the probably still the most important way it gets known is that people tell each other. It's not seeing it on TV or radio. People go and they have a good time and then they go say, like any restaurant or anything,

like anything anybody experiences. If they like it, they go until their friends. And that's how it becomes popular. And if you want to get a job at the cell, you could rob the owner blind. Yeah. Yeah, if you want a good career move, come in 10 bar here, we can.

Just make 140K a year. Plus a raise after the first year. And don't worry about going to jail, just make sure you get knocked up. I'm experiencing it now. It's coming back to me now, the aggravation of this story. Is it really? Is it hurt?

You mad at her again? I mad at myself. You mad at yourself? And some people who work for me. Really? Who were supposed to have been, um, Are they still here? See, the second time we did have a system,

and it was airtight, except that apparently it wasn't. Well, Step up of that 100% job. Step up of that 100% job. It was airtight, except that apparently wasn't well. Step of event, 100% off. It was airtight, except that nobody was the person who was supposed to actually be comparing this column to that column, which has to be done, just didn't do it. Is that person still here? Yeah, and she had to know, she knew she was eventually,

she was something wrong, because she knew she was eventually gonna get caught. She never stolen away that there was no trace of it. She's stolen away that the day that somebody sat down and did the accounting, it was going to be clear that she had stolen. So the person who didn't do the accounting, are they still here? Yep. Wow.

Let me tell you something. If you've ever been fired from a job or you just got out of prison, come work here at the Comedy Cell. Don't worry about it. Just get over here, get down here right now. Work in the office. How much can I make a year? 150 years.

Cash. Cash. Hi, but we hit the fuck out of here. This has been a weird fucking show. It went out. What's that? You got to go? All right, Louis, what do you got to go for?

I'll be LA February 7th, the 12th. What are you doing in LA? Venice Underground. I got flappers Flappers flappers what is that I think some crunches will take care of that good night everybody But true it's in Burbank Burbank, okay, and Go to go miss comedy com com com is comedy on Instagram Has tag the show when you're talking about me on the Twitter sphere. And I love you guys.

Buddy, Dave's coming on. Thank you, it's fun. Joe, what do you got? All right, got a big one here. February 27th, recording my album, Comedy Central Records at Buffalo, Helio. So I need to fill it. The Comedy Central is nervous that it's too big of a room.

So come on, February 27th. Get the fuck the fuck listen everybody I got a lot of fans up there Make sure you go spread the word get all your friends get the tickets sell the place out Sell it out and I'll tweet about it. Well Instagram about it. Yeah, make sure you so when is it this February 27th? 20th of all you maybe you could ask a Maybe you could ask Amy to tweet. No, I'd never do that Maybe you could ask Amy to tweet. No, I'd never do that. I'm gonna sell it out 20 times. I just want to sell it out once.

I'm a fucking 90 fucking million people show up. And then check out Tuesday's with stories. What, why am I cut off? Why am I, fuck I hate this kid. Tuesday's with stories. Mark Norman and I every week. I fucking hate him. I love Mark Norman. What I do too. Mark Norman and I every week. I fucking hate him. I love Mark Norman.

What? I do too. Mark Norman, Salute. Let me ask you a question. When are we going to finish the script? I called you and I was stranded for three extra days. I had to miss a seller spot. I was depressed. I wanted to kill myself. I called you and you didn't call me back. What's the script about?

I got a big fat guy. I used to be handsome with herpes. How did he combine both of us? It's a secret. It's a secret. It's a secret. John, what do you got from the toilet seats? I don't know, man. I'm working this weekend.

You know what? I have no more Mr. Nice guy. Independent film coming out at the top of April, I believe. And then I'm working on my documentary film. You know how to fire this time last year, lost everything comedy community stepped in bailed me out And I turned it into a documentary film great. That's nice. That should be coming out about four months. I donated Yes, you did I did too. Thank everybody. I don't believe that you did I did I did I did under zoom. I didn't know about it. I didn't know about it. No one had given you a time

I did another assume name. I swear to God get the fuck out. Dude Chris Scopo But thank you guys the comedy committee really built me. Oh, and we put on our podcast too Yeah, we did a little thing up front yo I was really humbled how fast that money and our fans sent money. How did you how did the fire start? I would have wanted to know that before I donated Electric wasn't Jewish lightning. Oh my god. You're the guy who you place lit up. That was me. I did give money. I gave it to Chris. Did you give it to 200 watts. It was a was ready for Christmas. Place went up in flames man. All right, check out. No, do you have anything? No? Christmas. Plays with up in flames, man. All right, check out. No, do you have anything?

No. Well, it must be nice. Just not have to promote anything. I just... I can't say it out loud. What about your show? Yeah, the Comedy Seller show every Thursday night, 7 o'clock on serious XM radio.

When are you going to give it to Rob? When you said we could have it back? You can, as a matter of fact, I like to give it to you tomorrow to put on right away. We have it back. You can as a matter of fact, I like to give it to you tomorrow to put on right away. We have to show last week with Michael Chey and... Can you give it to Rob? Yeah.

Can you please? We've been emailing you, you don't respond. That's not true. All right, whatever. But I would love to be part of the ride cast network again. Good, we'll bring it back. I'll not do five minutes at the cell at some time, man. You looking at me through him, right? No, I'm looking at both of you guys. I'll not do five minutes at the cellar sometime. You looking at me through him, right?

No, I'm looking at both of you guys. I don't fucking have any. Well, now this is awkward, but I thought you didn't give a fuck. No, I said, let me, I'm kidding. Well, I thought, you gotta send me your YouTube club as I don't, I've never seen you. I know, no, no, I know. Absolutely, you can do five minutes at the cell

of your father or if it's for them. Oh, where is the, oh, where is the, it's my buffer. I check it out. Family's got a lot of buffers. Scobo, what do you got? It's gonna be at Chris Scobo on Twitter and Instagram. Where I'm, what do you got?

At Lauren Cabera on Twitter and Instagram. What do you got? At our two deeper. And we got a poll. I poll the audience for who's got the best lips? Oh, there we go. We go. No way stop. Stop. Stop. Wait. Watch it. This is the only reason why this is what deep who does What's this watch this is why deep who does because he he has creativity initiative and he has hustle was his idea to put the Powerpoint right underneath someone's foot

He was told to pick that up a long time ago, and did. That was a different switch but yeah, we see. It doesn't matter. No, it's because he does. Go ahead. Alright, so you're gonna do last the first. Yeah, yeah, I will do that. So tied for last. Are you fucking kidding me? I'd never be on the good on the Oscars. Tied for last is Bobby and Chris with zero votes. Zero percent of the poll. Because, all you fucking scumbags in the chat room, you fucking Lewis Gomez block everybody.

I want them all. We got them in their carol. You want to hear that. You fucking scumbag chat room, fucks. I was just a few people. My lips are not my show. While we have them in the chat room, I want them all gone. Next.

Lauren and I are tied at 8% how many votes is that? Lauren has better lips than me you fucking scumbags. How many votes is that? Well you move your vote them you move your vote you you move your fucking I hope you all fucking die Joe still in the race then third place John John master with 17% of the vote you have John Third this is right this is fucking right Yeah, what does it first of all I this fucking a lot of list of maniacs out there. This is awful. Go ahead This is awful second place is Joe list. Are you This is you guys should be ashamed of yourselves you guys should all be ashamed of yourselves because you're phony

I have so much lips I can't spot speak Too much lips Bullshit this is Lewis this is why I have no jobs You see on this one Lewis Gomez is a fucking genius. He'll get fucking eight people No jobs. You see on this one Lewis Gomez is a fucking genius. He'll get fucking eight people Rally that rally them up on his dumps and get him into this stupid thing He really is and you know we all said we all said you guys have the same lips So how could you be that far apart? Yeah, good. Who's number one? 42% of the votes you're fired. How many people?

Part of your fired I don't have a full figure. I like all I get a percentage is right I'm gonna take a vote and it's bullshit. I have my vote. Here's my vote. You guys are fucking liars. You're third. How can you put these big chocolate lips there? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

God, but didn't I tell you? I know. I did the real problems. Joe's second. Joe, I'm out of here. That was a little weird. Joe, she's small mouth. I don't have very good teeth.

You know, I have a pretty nice lips. You have better lips than me? I don't think so, no. Then you know this is phony. I don't think people speak. I don't think so. I'm not the person, they voted. All right, well, there you go, guys.

I'm the Bernie Sanders of this list. Is there any way we can eliminate the chat room, like forever? Yeah, sure, you want to not read from there? Want me to email the six of them? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Get me a good text. like forever. Sure, you want to not read from there? Want me to email the six of them? Get me a good text. I don't let the things. I'm going to sign the things.

I will. Check it out. Listen real quick though. I want to announce this right now. If you're listening live, it's this Sunday. Right now, if you're downloading this Sunday night, you're watching it. It's Sunday night.

Go to riotcast.com. Go to iTunes. Misery loves company. Kevin Brennan and Lenny Marcus. You will not be disappointed. I want you to be video to not yet. We're gonna add that. I know Sunday nights are super bull. Yeah, I know and a lot of people don't watch civil and fuck the Rock. No, we are watching the Super Troll this year. Go ahead. Be in my Denver right. For listening live, you'll be in Arizona this weekend, stand up live Arizona. Now, I think it's a great club. Uh, it looks nice. I've never been there.

I just, if you, if you're an alcoholic and you fucking don't come to my show, please, if you go into a comedy club to fucking drink and get hammered and y'all's just fucking please, stay the fuck home. Why don't Kevin and Lenny live podcast during the Super Bowl? That's a good idea. People listen, because Lenny's totally into football and Kevin can trash everybody on the commercials.

That's a good idea. I'll pass that on. Got it. At very 11 12 13 during the comedy scene and Foxboro Massage shoots its brand new club at Foxboro, at the stadium. Ooh. I don't know if you know what I'm saying.

Foxboro Stadium has this massive Massive mall it's beautiful and they have a brand new comedy club and I'm bringing Stavros with me. Is that the got the Gotham guys did that? Nope. Is that levity? No, it's not it's the guys It's it's not the guys at Gotham. You know it is. It's the guys from Blast Boston these guys are great fucking John Tobin and the guys you did, Blast Boston, I'm telling you, they're fucking, right? It's a beautiful club. What are you mad about?

Did you want that club at Foxboro? It's just, like, I don't want that club. I just impressed by that accomplishment. Well, you could do it if you fucking left New York City. I mean, what do you want to do? You want to drive up the psalm all every day. You don't want to go and go out of the city, do you? No.

All right, so you have fun. I am. Good. That's all your dates on there for some reason. Well, there you go, because you know what happens then. We start filming Sex Drugs Rocker Roll. Go to the studio next week. Talk to Dennis today.

They're starting all the songs. I'm going to go into the studio next week. And see what they're doing. I can't wait. We're gonna start filming again. I'm putting together a toy for black children. Little white kids with small lips. I'll take it. And it will come in last in the voting. All right. All you guys in the chat room, I fucking love you. Thanks for listening today, even though you didn't vote for me. You fucking assholes.

You guys fans listening, you guys are the best fans of the world. Make sure you support all these comments. Go to the shows. Make sure you support them. Tell me, you heard them on the YKWD. We love you guys. You know what? We'll see you next week. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.

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