Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Live from Montreal's 'Just For Laughs' Festival

Episode Date: August 5, 2013

Recorded in front of a live audience in Montreal, Robert is joined by Colin Quinn, Amy Schumer, Gary Gulman, Kurt Metzger, Pete Correale and Dangerous Joe DeRosa.   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid.

Buscas contenido gratis. ¡Au, un abici! Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o sensación de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlos sin pagar nunca. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. your information on the website or everything. You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Check out Bobby's dates at RobertKellyLive.com August 8th, 9th, 10th and 11th he'll be in Denver, Colorado, a comedy works, and on August 17th he'll be at Uncle Vinnie's in Point Pleasant, New Jersey.

Don't forget to support all the great sponsors of YKWD, Amazon Gamefly, and of course, Tweak, Dorio, Earbuds. Go to iTunes, leave a five-star review for the show, tell everyone, tell your friends how much you love the show, spread the word. YKWD! Alright, here's the deal. This podcast is the one that I did up in just for last Montreal.

You know, they asked me if you want to do my podcast up here. I said, yeah, I didn't know what it entailed. I didn't until like days before. Nobody gave me any information. They asked me what I wanted. I said, you know, four microphones. They gave me a list of people who were going to be up there. So I chose a bunch of people off the list. Thinking that not everybody could do it. They never got back to me and confirmed

or whatever. So I did 30-something shows up there. That was crazy. The nasty show, the dating show. I had my own hour show. I had the gala. I had a bunch of other shows in between. And then we had this podcast, which I was really excited about, and it turns out

everybody said, yeah, that I asked. We get there. And then, you know, there's people that were up there like Amy Schumer and some other people, Bert, and, you know, people that I love, that I just didn't have the fucking room. And, you know, I show up, there's only four microphones, four chairs, I asked them to get, you know, six microphones, six chairs.

They did what they could. I don't know. It was a crazy fucking cluster fuck. You know, fucking around, busting balls, screaming and yelling, funny stories. E. Corielli, Gary Gullman, Kurt Metzger, Joe DeRosa, Amy Schumer, Colin Quinn. It was crazy. They all stopped by. I don't know what to make of it.

You may, You tell me. Email me. YKWDRIacast.com. I don't know. I thought it was fun. Some people said it was, you know, I don't know. Some people got mad. You know, other people like it's the bad. It was fucking awesome. Everybody loved it. It's the best podcast up there those alive studio audience it's just if I do it again it's gonna be three people

and a studio mic for people ask questions I didn't know I've never done that before up there I didn't know what to do I want to sit in the shit chair on the end I didn't know where the fuck to go. It was crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy. So there you go. Just for laughs, you know what did podcast in front of a live audience. Kind of a cluster of fuck of craziness, but you make of me, what you will. Okay, enjoy. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn.

This is Jim Norton, this is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? I know what, dude? You know what, dude? You know what, dude! Ify bippy-by-yah, ify bippy-boo.

Dippy-dippy-daya, you have a dab of dew. Dude! This is Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what I'm needed. I'm not getting to, I'm getting to fall on the ground. You know what I'm needed. I'm just gonna suck, suck, suck. Applause. How you doing, all right?

Thank you for coming. All right, that's enough. Let's bring the expectations fucking down. We're in a side ballroom. The lights are too fucking bright. And I got a great show though. I actually, they gave me a list of people to pick from. And I picked from all of them and figuring that only two of my friends would say yes. And all my friends fucking said yes.

This is going to be a clutch to fuck. Because I'm not going to, because I have low self esteem and I'm not going to say no to anybody. And everybody on the panel is actually doing better than me in the business. So I'm just going to bring them the fuck up in order of importance in the business. So first, Amy, not you, it's Colin. Colin. Just Amy, just because of the keynote.

If it wasn't right after the keynote, it would be you. Colin Quinn, everybody. Pete Corielli, everybody. Kurt Metzger. Joe Nau, you. Gary Gellman, everybody. And Joe D'Rosa. If it was all a friendship friendship you would have been first

Sit down You can't talk while you're not important you get a chair you get one of the other ones is this Yeah, we go what no, we got a chair. Can we get Joe a chair? I? No, we got a chair. Can we get Joe with you? We got a chair. I swat. What the fuck? Joe, who's that? People in A. Can I get a microphone?

Joe, no. The only reason I did that is because Galman was in the back room. I didn't see him. Joe, if I saw him, it would have been Galman would have been before Corrielli. Joe, you're like the driver of this age and that little driver seat over there. Why? I was with this, I was with this, where the real you know what dude fans in this room. It's two of them. You and me.

Cock suckers. Are you a fan? They're the big fans but they didn't know a club. Grab a button on the way out son. Oh wow. Dave, were you you were in doing from the beginning? Yeah. I feel about that. I helped you. I feel sad. I was there from the jump. I was the Pete best of this podcast. Yeah Before I was asked in a replaced by Ringo star Dan. So here's here's the thing you thought you could go and do a solo album like fucking Arosmith and do a solo album Arosmith is a band The fucking guitarist I think thank you Colin you know, what's the truth? He was part of your cast and then he left.

I'll explain what happened. Okay, this is how this whole thing started. Okay. I started doing the show on my iPhone by myself. Then I had Joe DeRosa come to my apartment and we did it and we talked about it. What do you mean you did it? We did it.

We did it and we did a show. Heard of Pete back. Talking to the mic asshole. It doesn't work. Oh. Oh. We'll get that fuckin' dodge quick to get it together. Oh my God.

You good? Don't these are just glitches, dude. Whitey Bulge's boys just came in. Ha ha ha ha. Who? What the fuck are they? Yeah, sit in the back. We don't need people on the front make it more uncomfortable

First stinker of the day Joe's you have to move his chair closer to the end of the stage every so here we go Me and Joe started this Joe left to because he thought he could do his own podcast. Which you guys are all fans. Oh wait, it doesn't exist. What was it called? I didn't leave to do my own podcast. What did you leave because of this?

I left to, exactly. I left over creative differences and to pursue other opportunities. Like when Ron Howard left Happy Days. Ah. Ron Howard didn't leave Happy Days to do Richie Coneyham to sitcom. He went on to be a fucking genius. Thank you. As we know, there are no fucking geniuses here asshole.

Coding Colin. Really? Did everybody see the Colin Quinn keynote? Okay, right now let's be honest. What'd you think? Okay, right now, let's be honest. What'd you think? Yeah, I loved it and I told them already Unfucked believable. You did a great job. I just wish your play ride was a little longer because I know it would have been a little more organized Right? But what yeah because obviously it was written on the plane good point The last couple of years they got it they came in from LA's, they had more time to be on the plane. Me and Amy sitting together on the plane

and Norton was farting behind us the whole time. Norton should be in jail. Couldn't even relax. Can I tell you what Norton did to me? This is what a piece of shit my friends are. He said, can I use your room? I gotta go to the bathroom. I'm like, yeah, here's my key.

Oh, I'm so excited. I know, I fucked up again. But wait, wait. So I go, I go, here's my key. He goes, no, I'd I fucked up again. But wait, wait. So I go, I go, here's my key, he goes, no, I'd like you to take me up. I go, why? He goes, take me up because I don't want to demagnetize the key. I'm like, it's not gonna happen.

So I bring, he makes me bring him up because he's an asshole. I let him in my room, he goes, thanks. You're a good friend. And I go downstairs. I go back up to my room and it smells. He shit so bad. I took a picture of it. He left it. I don't I think he's sick. I don't think he's good. He should be injured. No, that's my shit. Oh! Oh! Okay.

I don't know how... Listen to me. I don't think that's healthy. Oh, god! Let me see, Bobby. That's not healthy. Didn't Norton take a dump on the plane yesterday? It's bigger than him.

No, look, I can't. Just look. Just look. I'm not being crushed. I'll hung over. I'll throw up. Just look, real quick. The only two people whose farts ever made me throw up were you and Norton.

I'm my father. Yeah, you farted one time and you could like see it. Like you could like, like the fog monster from loss. And Norton, I could have thrown up on the plane yesterday and no problem. One time, it's beyond the pale. In Vegas, Norton and his could have thrown up on the plane yesterday, no problem. It was beyond the pale. In Vegas, Norton and his girlfriend were in my room. We were supposed to go down for a sound check and I go, I just got to go to the bathroom.

So I'm in the bathroom. I hear them giggling. It's him and his girlfriend giggling. And then they hear the door shut. And I come out and I'm like, what the fuck? And I smell shit. He's shit in my barrel. What do you mean you're barrel? Barrel in my hotel room.

He pulled his pants down and shit in the barrel. But did that stuff get in front of his girlfriend? And he kept her. It was a Western theme. It was a Western theme hotel in barrel. It was a barrel. He was a barrel. You don't know where he is a barrel. You don't know where he is a barrel. I don't know where he is a barrel, like what you mean? You don't barrel. It's a fucking... You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel?

You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel?

You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel?

You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want the wings of barrel? You want, weren't you? You guys really don't say barrel. No! What the fuck? Who knows who the fuck the barrel is? This is the first time in my life.

I've ever heard that used. I know what a barrel is, but I'm gonna leave you hanging for making me sit in this chair, you fucking cock sucker. Have the chair, deroseau. It's never enough. It's never enough, you. I can't do it. The management isn enough. It's never enough for you. And the management isn't good.

The agent isn't good. My friends aren't good. Sit in the fucking chair. Main stage. You're a fucking child, Derosa. That'd be terrible. You know what, Derosa? Sit the fuck down.

I mean, all right. Take over, you call me. Bobby said, I left his podcast to start my own. Welcome to Joe DeRose's podcast episode number one. Welcome. I'd like to welcome my guest. Let me tell you this fucking guy. This is what a friend I am and this is how he turns on you.

Amy Shoomer is in the back room back there. Bobby goes, dude, I'm going to call you up one by one, okay? So we okay, Amy goes, let's just leave. Let's just, everybody fucking leave. And I'll be up there by himself. I go, that's too me name me. I can't, I walk up to Bobby, I go, Bobby, Amy was trying to get us all leave.

I can't do it, it's too me. It's not a snitch. That's why you're the least important show business. I can't. I can't. I get his back, he goes, dude, thank you, man. Can you send a tweet out about the show, please? And I send a fucking tweet out, and then you use me at the butt. That's why it's for your show. By the way, Gary Goldman goes, oh, Joe is sweeten about the show.

That'll really put us over the top. Yeah, here's the guy that Joe got right here. Thank you for coming. I appreciate it sir. Thank you for coming. Jeremy Hots' brother. Fuck, a Joe de Roses tweet. What the fuck? Look how fucking comfortable you are.

That's right. You fucking alternative lead crossing asshole. This is his gala. Oh my god. He came up specifically to do this. Joe has no other shows. No other shows. He came up to do a fifth floor podcast

Not the fourth the fifth Shit So here's a deal Peacarrelia myself just had babies You look like you're still carrying it Yeah, Bob you can get back in a black show. It's his show, it's hard. I'm fat. So what? You hid well in the big black chair. The white one's killing you right now. Thank you.

Take this chair back. Yeah, you need to get back in the middle. You should be in the middle. I like this. This is like a handle like. Like an alien that blends in. Blend right into the chair. This is like fucking donahue. I'm here.

This is good. I get to see all your faces. I'm fat. You're so out. I'm fat again. I'll be skinny again. I'm not as skinny as you, Pete. Well, listen, I'm just saying, man.

The chair is exhausted right now. This one is more your suit right here. You're like breathing. That's not comfortable for the host. Who just went, oh, that's actually more insulting. That you feel bad. Take mine. Sit next to Joe.

I'm not sitting now. No, you guys need to make up. I want to talk to Kyle about the speech. Go sit down with this fucking gorgeous body. Dude, wait, what are you doing? What are you 10, man? What? You're 10.

I may be fat, but I'm not the fatdest guy on the panel. Who is? I may be the fatdest guy, but I'm proportioned. I'm at least I'm proportioned. I'm at least I'm proportioned. I'm like some people. You're saying I have a worse body than you? You a Kurt? Kurt's body isn't that bad.

You guys look like the same cartoon on his drew you. And he wasn't that good. What? Kurt, did you hear the Joe got some of the cops yesterday? They pulled them over on the no shoulders of the road. We should have done that one on the fucking speech. You got heckled. Did that fucking make you mad?

Yeah. It did make me mad. Well, okay then, we'll move on. You really got mad? I didn't know it was Todd. I didn't know I knew something I thought it was just some you know upstart What did they say for anyone who couldn't hear cuz I couldn't make out I was trying to say some of Andy Kenland They go somebody goes fuck Andy Kenland. I was like shut you know just shut your mouth fucking idiot I was in a hackle though. It was Todd Glasway. No, over 100 years, but that's not even a hackle

You got a little hopped up, man. You're just having fun, man. Sorry, Pete, I didn't mean to make it awkward for you at the gun. No, for yourself, you said you got a- Hopped up, I'm more in a fucking suit. I come up, look at my notes, like you said on the plane, and then somebody just jumps in my grill right immediately. It was a bit much for me.

Let's admit though, you have committed to the suit, like, the Collins album, you know what I mean? I was, yeah. It was on, but there was like, I got a t-shirt and shit. Let's admit though you have committed to the suit like Collins album, you know what I mean? It was on but there was like I got a t-shirt and shit. I got to talk into his good ear. All right He said like a Phil Collins album I don't get where I have committed You were calling you it's full it is you were were in the hour of the office where everybody goes, guys, we better order in.

It's going to be a long night. We're on tuck the shirt. That's how I look. I can't help it. That's how I look anyway. Who told you not to tuck it in and wear a tie? Why did you do that? I made that decision.

Did Patrice teach you how to wear a suit? Oh, wow. Too soon. This one guy was really cool. That's not cool, fucking giant eyes. It's not fucking cool Got fucking Ronnie danger field eyes. Hey, you don't want to make the fucking the fucking giant French canadie with a scab on his knee mad I'm gonna your knee It's personal we don't have boundaries

It's personal. We don't have boundaries. We have the back. He's got the other DC. Can't see the equal. The equal rupper. Dude, first of all, I'm not fucked with him. I'm, you know what? Personal's personal. That's him. Whatever you're going to do, buddy. What happened to you in the meantime? He doesn't want to talk about having a deal.

He doesn't want to talk about it. Guys, why don't we move the fuck on? Leave the French serial killer John Mulaney alone What are you lesbian? I'm not fuck do you really have another scab on your other eat me? Oh You really put the fucking hat on the wrong me what happened? You're not from. Are you talking about it? English like us English or the old English. What? Why did you warn him?

What happened? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? He's fucking attacking this guy. He's front center, he's obviously a fan of the show. Yeah, dude, you know what? I'm going to leave you alone, OK? He was here during Colin's thing getting ready so we could get a seat. Nothing?

Guys, leave Christopher Robin out of this. What are you the poo? Remember the kid and Winnie the Pooh? Anybody? Winnie the Pooh kid, sir. Well, you did a Winnie the Pooh reference? That's right. Classing this join up.

Yeah. Well, here's the deal clashing this joint up. Yeah. Well, here's the deal. I thought your speech was amazing. I thought it was great. I mean, you fucking stammered a little bit here and there, but I don't think that would be without you. But that's the flavor, a quarter point. That's Colin Quinn.

That's where the flavor is in the fact. That's, he's definitely a flavor. That's right. You don't judge a keynote speaker by one keynote set. Didn't you fucking understand? LAUGHTER It's not a same. You gotta see that keynote bomb five times before you can pass on. So he'll be giving that tonight at the Saint Denis.

You should end it on the other one. I know, I'll agree. I killed the lily again. I thought it was good. I mean, this is the deal. You did go off on some tangents, and then you just, you didn't, it, it, it, it, whoa, go anywhere.

Like you kinda went over here, and then you went, ah, fuck it, but that's you. But that's what I love about you. Listen to it now. Are you getting a compliment or what, what's up with it? How do you do that's you too right now? Well, I was trying to make you feel comfortable.

But I really, it was fucking great. It was great to see. Because I've never seen a keynote. I've never seen the end of Ken Lutton. I've never seen any of that up here. So it was finally good to see a comic get up there and actually talk and speak on the behalf of us and say shit that in front of industry and comics and fans what we all kind of think. I think you had a little more to say about Tough Crowd but you didn't get it

out right? Oh, no, I really didn't think that much. Talking to the mic. You're right. If I had really had a little more time I would have thought more about Tough Crowd. Does it fucking still burn you? Well, I mean, I guess. guess sure really yeah bugs me in general principle like what do you mean? Well because

Jesus Because I just felt like everybody in fucking comedy especially a bit in all of showbiz. I'm getting mad But everybody in comedy is always to go. Oh, we're gonna do something It's more real, like more authentic. Tough credit plenty of problems. I'm not saying it was the perfect show, but it was still moving towards the kind of reality type, you know, combination of, it was like authentic. So everybody always tries to pretend that, oh, we hate that fake comedy.

Everybody's always in a good mood. Everybody's always smiling and trying to pull up bullshit. Well, the're probably invisible cops like us on that show that would be in real, right? And so I just felt like, you know, for whatever it's false or there was, you know, it's so much shit. Why did it get canceled again?

Too black. Too black. I mean, they said the ratings, but I never bought that for a second. It was. It's never the ratings. Yeah, it's never how many people watch the show. Very rarely he is at that, right?

You don't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was ahead of its time. I really mean that. It really is.

I mean, I think that. What'd you say? It gets when you do the show, you get good gifts. You like gifts? You like gifts, and shit. Yeah, it's a fucking cost. I'm going to was in a coin coin notebook tough crowd notebook once wrote some of my best stuff in that black notebook I never got fucking gifts really swag killer anytime I show up the year before they give away computers and Puffy coats. I show up. You get a fucking hat with the metal thing on the back My management usually gives a good gift. No, I think if Christmas last year

They donated the charity on my fucking behalf. Oh. I think that the puff charity. That is so selfish. I got a staunch name to ask me by an aging one. So if I look at certain coordinates, that star up there, apparently it's my fucking star. No one else is looking at that particular star.

It's mine. Oh, shit. I'm gonna be a big man. What the fuck? My manager gave me some good shit. Yeah, I know. Bullshit. I'm gonna be a big man. What the fuck? My manager gave me some good shit. Yeah, I know. I know. You got that recorder thing.

I got that fucking thing that spins around with the thing and I got a $500 gift to Apple. Oh, Joe, you got that. Yeah, but that was because we did comics come home. No, that was, I got, that was because you would know that I got that for Christmas too. Can I say something about top crown? Please. I really did want to say this. I think the show is ahead of its time. I was talking for Christmas too. Can I say something about top crown? Please. I really did want to say this. I think the show is ahead of its time.

I was talking about this yesterday. I feel like after the aftermath of the late 80s into the early 90s, a comedy where it was Kinnison Dice, it was really raw, really edgy. I felt like people got burnt out on Raw. And Paul. And then all of a sudden, yeah, and Paul. Thank you for Gary for throwing the funny back into the podcast. and pull and then all of a sudden... Pfft! Yeah, and pull. Thank you for Gary for throwing the funny back into the podcast.

And now back to Joe's fucking diatriety. Yeah, hold on, come on. Why does everything in a comedy festival have to be funny? Bobby, that's what you say. Bobby, power on the road. Joe, let Joe use his Corlan arm to just... Just for facts. But seriously...

It's carlin' arm! Because he has a shitty tattoo, that's nothing. I know what I'm getting it covered up with anyway. So here's... There was like this... And then all of a sudden there was a swelling of... Everything was ironic all of a sudden, and cute, and precious and charming. And that just kept growing and growing.

And Tough Crab came in the middle of that and I think it was ahead of its time. People weren't ready to see that again. And I feel like now, especially with the like success of guys like Louis and Burr and Kevin Hart. One second. Amy wake up. Oh, sorry.

I just, I didn't know Joe is still trying his hand at ranting. Ah. Ah. Oh. Oh. Oh, I was't know Joe is still trying his hand at ranting. Uh. No. I was sick to it, babe. Oh. Don't play both sides of the coin. That's how in a host does you, motherfucker. I'm hosting the, I'm, I'm staring the fucking ship.

And just put the side of the coin in. I have five alpha douchebags up here, all right? You're just an abusive husband. It's just boom, baby. I didn't want to hit you. You made me hit you come here, all right? You're just an abusive husband. It's just boom baby I didn't want to hit you you made me hit you come here I'll buy you something and then you're spacking a birthday stink Yeah, the point is is people weren't ready for it again now But now you see guys like Louis and Bill and and Kevin Hart getting fucking poppin and these are straight talking comics and

and poppin' and these are straight talking comics. And this ironic, precious thing is gonna pop now, and tough crowd now, I think would have a real home and a chance to fucking live. I can't just ask one question. Yeah, build one. What about it off tour in the turn two? What about shoes that you get off a hook at Target? Will that, is that bubble gonna pop?

Hey, every time he buys one of those shoes, they give a pair of shoes to a kid in Africa. What do you have to say about what Joe just said? It would make sense, except Bill Maude did not go off at that time. He stayed on. He was off for about six months. No, but politically incorrect went off. Not soon. Did he go right into real time from that? How come he didn't go on HBO?

Well, how come he didn't go on a showtime, but sell it to somewhere else? How come he just let it die? I mean, they didn't want it. None of them wanted it. Nobody did. You tried. Nobody wanted it.

Yep. Did they want it without you? Comedy Central tried to do it with me. Who they try to do it with? A few times, different people. Do you know, and you don't want to say? Yeah, what about the amount of statement the remember the thing you just said on stage? We got to be honest. Okay

Past away. Are you happy now? Oh, I'm sorry man. Wow You guys You guys got really from our Patrice suit comment earlier. It was called I'm really close here. This room is too bright. Yeah, it's great. Was it really Gerardo? Yeah, well, well, well, well, no, he made it up to be fucking funny. Why would he make that? I would have been the name that he threw out there. He'll hear. Yeah, I'm just trying to back pedal out of this. You ask all of that. My favorite Bobby back pedal was I go, Gerardo. And he goes, this room is too bright.

Well, I think Joe's speech clearly explained why you started to do the cast by yourself, Bob. I was long. I think it was long. I think it was long because I think it was long. I think it was long, because people in erupted with jokes every 10 seconds. It was a huge compliment to Colin Quinn, and even he got bored

halfway through his own compliment. Did you get a compliment to him and he wanted it to stop. And how did Little Kev get lumped in with Louis CK? Kevin Hart is... Yeah, that is. Talk straight about Dwayne Wade's spending habits. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. I wish like pirate fashion shot at your hand after you said that. I'm just saying, he talks and, look. You were just saying. Whether it's whether it's whether it's your taste or not, it's he talks about his life. He talks, he talks straight forward. There's no irony to any of it and that's my point mega stars in the late 90s into the early Outs which means 2000 to 2010 I Blow up right now. Did you just use fucking Ots? That's the third time on my podcast you Wow

Jesus Christ Joe you made fucking sugar walk out you know hard that it Humidated fucking Jessal neck I Said that just the irritate you the odds thing. I mean it It's fucking where it odds bugs the fuck out of me. I heard a walk in the crab, but you walked a performance. She was gonna walk when she was out there. She was waiting for a moment to walk. And that when I was the, I was the Patsy. You were the only one who was talking about it. It was the perfect plan, huh?

Yes. But you know what I'm saying? Everybody, everybody that came out in the late 90s through 2000, whatever it was it was all it was irony It wasn't yeah, but guys go what do you think my life? What do you think comedy is right now? What is the most popular comedy right now? What is the next big thing? I think that is not me the next big calling? I think that's gonna be the next big thing what What? What I'm saying. I'm like, Bill Burr, little calves. There's a surge of realism coming back into comedy

that we haven't seen in a long fucking time. It just hasn't been around. Everything. Everything was cute and flannel. And everything was downtown. And I'm not saying I'm an impromptu to do that. I'm just saying that's what everything was. That's where the focus was.

I hate to say this, but Joe really is making some great points here right now. It is true that there's tones and comedy and the tone. Where are you going? I'm getting my coffee. All right, I thought you were leaving too. Sorry. I was like, Dan, can we do some head shots really quickly?

I'm sorry. These are like $300 a half hour. Let me get this. Can we do some headshots really quickly? about to have a heart attack. Oh, he has got thriller here. Ha ha ha ha. These will go up at the Gotham, the original Gotham. Not this, not this. No. I'm making an edit. He's that the guy that there's the Gotham? Yes, that's that.

Thanks for putting mine up there. Oh. You would never book a shoe with me. You weren't wearing a sweatsuit. What does that mean? I got to book it with you. You got in touch with me and we went back and forth. And he's like, no, no.

And then he said, tell about your weight and then back and forth. First of all, what do you want it to go up? As soon as I hit my six skinny, me and you were fucking hooking up. I'm not going to let you fucking take this. You ever see the photo at this head, at this comedy seller? It's me, it's right when you walk it off stage. It's me probably around maybe 190,

shredded, hair, gorgeous. Gorgeous, all that. Every time I walk off stage, one of these fucking assholes, if some girl, anybody's there, they'll be like, look, that's him. And then they point to me and they go no Look at the fucking look it up here. It's a sand picture. It's like photos here They took photos here from like seven years ago when I was in one of my skinnies

And they use it to promote the fucking shows so it's not even me. I took fat photos for now. The fuck is funny about that. And then they still use the thin photos. It's a fucking annoying. How about the Tommy, the whole crowd leave after the show and look at your photo. Each one had to come by and look at your photos. They walked out the door.

Yeah, they made everybody look at the thin photo and they They point and they went haha Yeah, they wonder why I get fat again because it's bullying Bullying who did that to you who did that to me? He's fucking assholes Gary angel and no I didn't did I've been nothing but nice this guy and the shit rolls downhill on the hem and then he kicks it down On to me, but I'm angry at people pointing at your skinny picture and then you give me the shitty chair But that doesn't cast when I get the fucking best chair and you won't shut the fuck up joking Bob That doesn't money to get the holy Karen

Doesn't explain why you were given Bodie Miller a hard time by taking your pictures Point break everybody. I have to know the character. Played by the late. Oh, I thought it was crazy. I thought this was besides more undercover. Here's the deal though. Quinn, you're a fatty too though.

You go up and down. You're in the thin right now. Yeah, you're having a good run, man. How many fats do you got? I can't even count. Probably, you know, about 10 or 11. You got 10 or 11 fans I remember I met you at a fat at the at the knack of conference Oh, you didn't meet me. Yeah, we knew each other

But we knew each other, but that's what we kind of bonded I wasn't even that fat That was just sweating from bombing so I seemed fat than I was I had a suit on but I wasn't that fat He had a purple I just had a lot of neck fat fat. He had a purple suit on like fucking Prince Purple, and he was in front of 3,000 students, and they had two trinitrons on each side of the fucking stage, and he bombed. It was epic. And I remember at one point he started sweating, and on the trinitron he turned his neck, and it just folded, and I saw sweat go into the folds. It was so, and then he went, folks.

Huh. The thing that made me sickest about it was that I had never done, I had been doing colleges, I was just booking college, make some nice money. And I had never done NACA where you get all these colleges at once, but I got greedy. I was like, my age goes, yeah, you should do NACA. I was like, yeah, I'm doing great at colleges. I'll do NACA. you get all these colleges at once, but I got greedy. I was like, my age, he goes, yeah, you should do NACA. I was again doing great colleges.

I'll do NACA. And I went there and I just said, literally, it's like those cartoons where you see the dollar on the bird flying away. That's what I was seeing in my head while I was fucking bombing. What car tour? I got no colleges. Dane Cook, who is not even that famous yet. You got like 60.

They lined up, but it's both like elbowing me out of the way. It was like a college convention, you know. Yeah, 3,000, 3,000, listen to me. 3,000 fucking students. That's hundreds of thousands of dollars in college money. He would have. That's a lot of purple suits. He made fucking zero.

I got no offers out of that. Between that and at the speech earlier is saying you turned down Austin powers We've heard stories today of you losing That's nothing I've lost a lot more than that believe me. I've turned on a lot of fucking you know Just development shit for money, you know, I've never turned down anything me neither man I'll leave I'll go outside for a 20 if there's a 20 on a table out there I'll be ready show a minute of tavern for a hundred bucks on a table Yeah, these rich couple they were like

Do the show and I go just come next to it. They go now. We don't want to do it here They're like I'll give you a hundred bucks and I went hey guys doing Still right on a fucking table. I got a hundred bucks. I did five minutes. I mean that it fuck yeah I give a shit. I had one years ago, it's this classic of what will work for and what will worth, two completely different numbers. Like I got a call once for my booker years ago, going, you wanna play a restaurant on your block in the back room on 78th Street Upper East Side,

little private party for a company. I go, man, it's gonna suck, but it is my block. I go How much and he goes five or three I go 300 bucks how long and he goes a half hour? What the fuck? I'll do it 300 bucks half hour and then he goes dude 3000 and I go what 3000 holy shit and then I goes, dude, 3,000. And I go, what, 3,000? Holy shit. And then I pause and I go, imagine that guy heard this right now.

He realized he could have had me for $2,700. That's crazy. We've all done fucked up. Bimba Bird did a fucking bus. He fucking did a bus. For fucking, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he Jesus Christ. I did a bar mitzvah. You did a bar mitzvah? For $200. Jesus Christ. I did a fucking bar mitzvah.

What a cheap bar mitzvah. I know. Stand up New York email me and they go, this lady's having a bar mitzvah for a kid, and they want you. We show them a bunch of comics, and the kid wants you. And I was like, okay, I'll do it.

So it was the worst when the kid picked you. I got out to always the worst. I got out and do it. So it was the worst when the kid picked you. I go down to the toilet. I go down to the toilet. I go down and do it. They have it in his nightclub. When the kid goes like this, more of my, we showed him a tape and my kid liked you the best. So that's why we picked your fuck.

Yeah, yeah, I go down to this nightclub in the afternoon on a Saturday, and I go down, it's like these 13 year old kids, they're dancing the club music. They get their first like hard ons, and they fucking stop in the middle of this magical sexual mystery they're entering into and they're like all right joderosa and they I have to go on stage I do it I was bombing so bad I'm trying to do crowd work with thirteen

year olds and I can't forget it is no god doesn't exist I'm just telling you kids. It's not what it seems. He had a litigable foot came to fruition and it's shut the fuck. You kids ever worry if you died near apartment how long before anybody found you? You ever worry about that? So I'm just fucking up there trying to crack work. I'm eating my fucking ass. I swear my life, this is everything I'm about to say is true. The kid who's party is walks up to the stage

and he goes like this, he goes, the kid! I swear my life. The kid gave me the hook. Yeah, and he goes like this. And I lean down and I go, yeah, what's up, buddy? And he goes, stick to your material. Like, I swear to God, I'm not making that up.

Oh. swear to God. I get off stage. I'm literally walking. Stayed on stage. I did like I had to do like five more minutes. I need the money. I knew it's your money. The fucking do is your money. The comic ego is fucking all powerful. Dude, I walk, I finish up. I walk off stage, I'm muttering under my breath about kids like it was a bachelor at party. He's fucking asshole, right?

I swear to God, this other kid comes up to me. He's like 12. He walks, nobody's looking at me. No, he's like, this 12 kid walks up to me, he goes, hey buddy, walks, nobody's looking at me. He's like, this 12-year-old kid walks up to me and goes, hey buddy, and I go, yeah, he goes, you're funny. He's kids are bunch of fucking assholes. Ha-ha-ha. It's swear, that's true.

Oh, shit, the row cell, being you back together. Thank you. We're back together. I missed you. I missed you, too. What was the worst gig you did, Colin? Before I say that, we just want to say, you know, Brian Poe's saying this here,

and Brian Poe's saying when he was on Tough Ground, I've been reading this for years, is responsible for the fall of Nickelback. The band Nickelback, everybody traces it back to him trashing them on Tough Ground. And then suddenly it was okay to trash Nickelback and to the band Nickelback. Every way you go, people trash Nickelback. Is that nickel back everywhere you go people trash nickel back

Is that the the band with the guy stands in a rock and I Thought that's Creed. Oh Creed. I love creed. Sorry. That's worse than Nickelback. Yeah, really? Yeah, Creed's creed Yeah, we're gonna do I like that. Yeah, oh But I'm sure everybody in Nickelback hates Brian put if they go online at all They fucking hold him responsible for their fucking disrespect, you know every can me every comedian doing a college gig From like 2004 to 2011. I was like, well, fucking Nickelback. It was like, ah, I'm gonna Nickelback sucks They want the go-to ban to trash in every college gig for like living use because of him on tough crowd That's fucking that's that's a beautiful thing.

Power. Brian Possein, everybody. But the worst gig I've bombed so many times, the worst gig was in fucking Buffalo. They chased me out of town and fucking chased me at bats. The Nero's, the Nero's at batting. Oh, the Nero's at batting. Yeah, that was the worst.

Did you say bats? Yes, they chased me at bats. Like baseball bats, I was like, baseball bats, they had a, but theiro gigs the best you know the deniro gig was yeah Because I was did this whole gig for the nero's his birthday party and I just broke every rule in the book His wife goes, you know, do you want to do just an impression and leave the birthday party? I go no, you know, I knew is my destiny like there's only like 10 years ago So it's really a balancing. It's not like it was 23.

And I just said that I go, I'll do a full show. If the Nero I'll tell do stories, I'll do a whole thing. I just went there in like 10 seconds, just started to fall apart. And I just stopped, first I wanted to start treaching the Nero. And she was getting introduced, and I go, don't introduce me. I'll just, I'll go up, which is breaking

rule number one of comedy, even she understood, you know. I go, I'll just surprise everybody, you know, nobody knows me. And I'm just up there, like Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, will be Goldberg, if I can chat with Pomatari, Chris Walkins all there. And I go, hey, Bobby DeNiro, everybody's his birthday. They're all sort of, it's like a dinner, it's still light out.

And I go, you know, this is birthday. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, yeah. But it's like, you know, this kid's play, it's like Lissarck, this fancy restaurant. And I go, De Niro, he gained weight for untouchables, he gained weight for raising bull, he's a method actor. Well, maybe he's just a fat fuck. Ooh.

What the fuck? I go, oh, De Niro, you like to prep your movies but you're going into character. How do you prep for some of a whatever movie it was? Like one of those Irish Stanley and Irish. I go to do look in the mirror and apologize to the audience for six months and pay the C. Ooh.

Oh. They boos. Fucking turning on me, you know. No. So then I turn on Chris Walken and the other guys, they go, hey Harvey, can I tell? Why don't you be his of at home? Take off your pants.

Woo. That's a good joke though. It was that. That's a good joke. Yeah, but by that part, they have to ask whole at all dinner. They don't know this. It can be like if I let the wife introduce me, I might have had a fighting chance. What's that? You think? Well, listen when I hear your chance with your open of being hate dinner, what do you do? You could be just a fat fuck. Yeah. Good point, but Jesus Christ I Chris walking what are you doing here? It's turn our Chris walking. He's there too

I'm like well you should be doing a cameo an unwatchable independent movie. Oh Everyone turns on me Then I go into it. I'm a fucking worse. I wait for you to be like then I drop the end bomb and it got real bad Oh my God. You fucking work. What kind of question? What made you keep going? Because in my mind, I was thinking, I'm meant to like, the nearer is meant to be like,

I had this whole image in my head, even as a grown man. I had this whole image in my head. Like, I was doing comedy at the time. Every set I was doing great. I was in like a group. And in my head, I was like, you know, I'm meant to like work with Scorsese and the near oh, and they never really probably even know who I am, but they kind of like

comedians and I could fit in with their movies well. Like I just had this delusion in my head that I somehow in that three days of writing this material specifically for this roast, I thought this was where this would my coming out party to be part of Scorsese and Nero's crew. I mean it's I'm not proud of it, but I'm just telling the truth I called Cindy Portier and Uncle Tom and then fucking Squat season wasn't even there He wasn't that should have been my first sign to abandon my my strategy, but I kept going I did this whole Story about my friend's brother that came back when I was a little kid he came back from Vietnam and then when taxi driver came out

It was his pinnacle he ended up dying and fucking, it was like a semi funny. They didn't laugh at that. I mean, you know the sweat. I mean, you think I squatted that fucking knacka gig? I was covered. And then the ending part, the only laugh I got the whole night was I pointed to St. Patrick's Cathedral, which is across the street from the Cirque. And I go, I'm going to light a candle right after I leave here and I'll be left at

that. And then the rest of the show was me doing, I tried to do all these scenes from combining good fellows with a couple of things. I swear to God. The fuck you do a morning radio? You tried to do it. It was fucking. Can you do one? Uncomfortable. Can you do a scene right now what you did? I can't remember, but it was basically like, I was doing, I forget what the concept was, but it was some concept, it was almost like a tribute to all his work combined, you know what I mean? Like, I can't remember, it was,

I had it all written out, it was a material of De Niro's work. Yeah, it was sort of a montage with a punch line on a restaurant. But it was like punch lines. Right. Yeah, I'm standing in front of a restaurant and I'm a punch line on a restaurant. But it was like punch lines. Right. Yeah, I'm standing in front of a restaurant, like everyone's just sitting there eating and fucking,

and it was just so brutal. It was just unbelievable. I don't think that that's your fault though, honestly. Thanks Joe. I really don't. No, it's not because you do it. It's Harvey Coutell's fault. They're ready.

They're ready. They know. Here's my thing with that. They know who you are. They hired you. They're just, and they know you're joking when you go, eh, it's a fat fuck. No, no, no, here's my thing with that. They know who you are, they hired you. They're just, and they know you're joking when you go, eh, it's a fat fuck. No, it's not real.

He could have been reduced. Fuck that, it's your fault. You had your set. You got hired to do your comedy. You went and wrote, no, they didn't hire you to do comedy. She just wanted me to do my mediocre deniro impression, because you wrote a fucking whole thing.

And I just go, I was like Ralph cram did Yeah, I'll do better than that. I'm gonna straight for the Started fucking roasting the greatest actors of our time and they're literally going who the fuck is this? Scorsese was a who's in the bathroom. He came out. He saw you scorching the crowd It's like I'm gonna wait till the asshole leaves Jesus. I I mean, these will mean. You'll never know. But we've all done shows like that where you do. Like I just did a corporate thing for a bunch of guys. And they were nice guys, but they stare.

And it's like, guys, you know that this is a joke. If you wanna make this work, give me a little fake laughter at least. And let's meet each other halfway. And then we can get rolling a little bit. Any corporate things. Sometimes they're just fake laughter laughter, but you don't have to do a corporate near like there's no reason for them not to laugh at that. I know why they don't laugh

You know even have a politeness just laugh you know you don't even get the ball rolling Yeah, but no that those gigs always are gonna fucking blow. It's not a comedy club We always get sucked in with the money and then we figure it with our comic ego that I can pull it off Yeah, you know, I can somehow do this. Yeah, you start, it's like, fuck it, I'll do it. And you know, what are you gonna do? Take a hot one, you got a great story. I did a show outside in the afternoon at a beer fest next to a skydiving simulator after a band.

And I went, I got this, I think I can do it and the guy would run by and go FONALS in between every joke and then it fucking rained and the dead I was under an umbrella he on thing here they were literally way over there and they would stop raining they come back around four times it happened and I still kept going we're fucking lunatics you remember the country club we did when there was no mic and they weren't gonna pay us if we didn't do the show. I just said, fuck this, that I ran out there

with nothing, just talk it to them. Just like a horseshoe with a bunch of old people. We're in the middle, just fucking, we're just talking to ourselves. Literally, just talk, it's like doing it, you're acting a mirror. People like this. For real, he's like, I went out on my energy.

I was like, what the fuck, and money, jump back in the car and left. That was a fucking bad gig. You put that one for the marathon victims. Oh shit, oh my god, poor Gary Gorman. Me, Nick Topalo. We did one for Twinkle Toes. For the people, it's a foundation that for, you know. People who watched the episode of Fred Flintstone More, it was a really good boulder.

It's Winkle Toast, right? Right? Yeah, but Rath likes that alternative. Is anybody looking at the other podcasts? I booked this gig. It's all cops. It's around 400 cops, New York cops. So they're friendly people.

And I say to them, I go, listen, you've got to have a stage, you've got to have a mic. I'm not usually, because usually you do cop things, they get too fucking drunk, and they start yelling out, and who are you going to call? There's nobody, you're done. You're fucking done. So I say, and there was a no, Bobby, we're going to have all,

it's going to be great, you're going to be fine. I go, look, I can get you Gary Gullman. You can get Gary Goman? I can try. Oh my God. Call Gary, absolutely for the Boston bombing. I maybe get Nick DePolo. Are you kid?

Call Nick? Yeah, for clear. What the fuck's it for? Fucking yeah, fucking terrorists. So, I'm fucking, fuck, there's no fucking soccer moms there. So,

I do this gig, I get to the gig, Gary texts me like panicking texts, like, where are you? And I'm like, fuck him, right here, I go in, it's a bar, it's an Irish bar, three levels. Fuckin' stacked with cops. You can't even hear yourself. I look around the corner Gary sitting there like this Gary's opening act was 13-year-old Irish girls do an Irish step dancing Irish I go I go where's the stage? There's the front window, he goes, where those girls are stepping.

He goes right here, I think you do it right here. I go, I go, we're panic, I go, we need somebody right now to tell everybody they got to be quiet. But I thought he was going to show. Well, here's the deal. The guy goes, this guy grabs the mic, he goes, give me that.

He goes, hey, shut the fuck up! Now Gary Gohmann. No, he goes, I'm loop-handed fucking blah-b-a! Shut the fuck up! The whole bottle... Fuck him. And he goes, give it up for Gary Gohmann! Gary fucking walks out!

He fucking goes out and he goes, he does a fucking Patreon- Combrainy. Doesn't go to Tom Brady. He does a Patreon- With the New York Giants, Patent. In front of fucking New York cops. And then he does the whole joke, nothing. Then he goes, no, no.

Again. And does the joke again, like they didn't hear it. Oh. Then he looks at me and he goes, Bobby, I can't do this. I saw like a tear well, so I put his eye. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Nick DePolo walks by the window, sees me, sweating just the back of my head. He fucking walked, turns away and leaves. He left, he didn't even do a set. He grabbed the guy on the way, it goes, hey, fucking Nick DePolo. He goes, ah, fuck me. No, he and left. He didn't even do a set. He grabbed the guy on the way, it goes, hey, fucking Nick DePolo. He goes, ah, fuck me. No, he fucking left.

How did your set go? I did good. I said good. This is the, the only left. The only left, the only left that I got, these two blonde girls were walking by, and I go, oh, look at these two hot blondes. I go out once hot, once not.

And the ugly one went, like she knew who I was talking about. Listen man, I guess we got to wrap this up for a couple of minutes, but I just want to get real quick. I want to get two more bomb stories out of you. Yours, we got yours. Yeah, but what is on this show for a tourgasm? Oh shit, you didn't, well you got a bomb story in full. Yeah, but I'm just on a show for, um, Torgasm. Oh Shit, you didn't will you get a bomb story in full nofa? Oh

When the good and the heck old in front of 11,000 people is one of the funniest things I saw comic do you know Comics get mad and they swear and they kick shit over and they break shit or they fucking Gary gummin Is such a nice guy he got mad and he went, fuck! I knew I shouldn't have fucking done this. And he reached this fucking pocket and he fucking grabbed change. And he went, fuck it. What? At the audience?

No, in a parking lot alone. Oh, huh. Thought he made you walk through the kitchen. He didn't know it was there. And I just heard, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping. Oh my God. One of the funniest things I was there the fucking ground. Can I tell Pete one? Yeah, go ahead.

I don't know if you remember, remember we did that gig in Texas where they flow us down, they paid us three grand. Yeah, there was different rooms we had to play. These three biggest banks in Texas had this multi-joint, whatever Christmas party in the hotel. And it was just like all these different rooms. Huey Lewis in the news was playing in one room.

There was like a magician in one room, and then they had comedians. It was me, Pete and Tom Cotter, and they just kept roots. We had to rotate from room to room, and people would just channel in and watch us, and they're like, you gotta be squeaky clean. You gotta be squeaky clean.

We're there, we're there. We're like, this gig fucking blows. We just start getting hammered, and we're just throwing back whiskey. And I just remember the end of the night, you were the the last one on everybody got through being clean on that pizza on stage And he's you just shit house did you go you know, fuck fuck fuck shit I wasn't supposed to fucking say that and I never and I've ever walked the end of the night Walked by the room where we got paid and I saw you in there with the lady them paid us and you're just going

Hey again, I'm real sorry about saying fucking shit, I didn't mean to do that. Well, this is pain. Tell me what you're starting. Well, two, the one you were talking about, if you don't remember, this people had so much money, it was oil, not banging, it was oil. I was like, they had different rooms and then they had the whole lobby of this beautiful hotel and the rooms looked out to it while Joe's performing I swear to God. You know what starts coming out of the ceiling in the lobby?

Trapeze people they hired trapeze Everyone's looking beyond show and he's like what's going on? Go do do people coming out of the ceilings Swinging on I mean what good what good is comedians, but what the fuck? I mean, even I would turn around. And then the other one, Kyle, do you remember the time I opened for you at Fido's really, that really, really rich guy? He had a party just for the new opening of his garden. It was like France. It was this huge, and his son was a big Colin fan from the comedy, the comedy seller. These people who so rich, I did a joke about flying commercial and they didn't even get

it. Because I go, oh right, they don't even, because they fly art. So, wow. You eat it, beyond eat it, but you know, the thing about it is you go home, go home in the cross-service and you're like, you know, aw, it sucked and stuff. And I'm like, dude, there was a fountain right in front of you, like not even to that wall, a giant fountain on with the water flowing and people sitting behind it. But we're so hot on ourselves. I'm like, how do you expect to get left between, there's a fountain

between you and the audience? And you're such a comics comic the The next day, now it's like a Tuesday night at the seller, nobody knows about what happened, nobody cares, right? Collins on stage. And I walk by to Comedy Seller to go to the bathroom. Nobody knows any, as he's on stage, he goes, I got paid, I got paid, I got my money, I got paid, but somehow he's beating me to the punch because I'm gonna tell everybody that he bombed That's his guard and you still are what yeah

What's your what's your biggest bomb? I Well the one that closest thing to like that hurts me the most. I don't know why by I've been hiding several times It'd be a crowd warm-up guy you yeah It's terrible and every time it's the which worse than the last time been hired several times to be a crowd warm up guy. You? Yeah. It's terrible. Every time it's worse than the last time. Is it the crowd warm up guy supposed to make people happy?

Yeah. Look at your faces. It's like you. Kirk comes right out of the gate too. Here's the thing with the word con, everybody. That's a fact warm up. You never think about rape everyone. No, I tried it.

I tried it. I really tried warm up guy for like a Serbian prison camp. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Well, one was Paul MacUriot, who had me fucking fill in for him. And I like, you know, give me like low money. You know, like it was like, so I did a daily show, which is like easy. That was fine, but I did a, who wants to be a millionaire, the daytime version hosted by Meredith Vieira.

And it's like that circular. Oh, God. Yeah, and I, by the way, the daily show was like so easy to do. Like I just did a set. You heard it the first time. Yeah. But I had no idea what fucking evil demons people are for a fucking t-shirt of a, who wants to be a millionaire.

So I'm trying to do my set and I was getting dizzy because I kept turning to like make contact with the whole circular thing. And as they started like they started booing me like I gave a t-shirt to the wrong person and they slowly started booing me. And then Meredith VR like here's this unhappy should be warmed up crowd like what on earth? She looks at me. Dude, she never like, her face crinkled up so hard. Like, it looked like your face now looking at me. A marathon. It's like, oh my God. And then I got my shitty like $100 or whatever.

I get paid. And a janitor. There's a guy mom. And then he goes, hey, you don't warm up guy. I'm like, yeah, yeah. He goes, I heard you didn't do too good. And it just followed, like, I yeah, yeah. He was, I had to do too good. Ha ha ha. And just followed, like, I walked out of a hallway

with this guy mopping and laughing at me. I mean. Ha ha ha ha. It's a fucking nightmare. You know, one of these gigs should have literally just say, fuck it, I'm never doing this again. We should do, I mean, we just need to- But the point is,

quote and Meredith Vieira, she'd never had met during their lifetimes on this planet. I. We should do, I mean, we just, but the point is, Kurt and Meredith Vieira, she'd never had met during their lifetime's on this planet. I know, it's amazing. Yeah. I've never seen such a look of this thing from someone I only saw on TV before. You've hit me of the Saka mom and Kurt.

You don't have a gig like that? You don't have a, I'll never do that. I have, what do you mean? I have, you don't have any gig. I gotta go. Yeah, we got it. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. I'll see you later.

Colin Quinn, everybody. See you, Colin Quinn. Thank you, Quinn. I love you, buddy. What? That was the original podcast by the Bay. Why, though, me and Colin Quinn, it was me, Robert Kelly, and sometimes Colin Quinn, where every night I would call him, or anyways, I just started recording our conversations and

putting them on the internet. And they're still on YouTube right now. Right. So that was the original show, not me and you. No, the original you know what, dude, podcast. I remember you sitting in my kitchen with me with your iPhone between us and you said, you know what, dude, I think I'm going to call the podcast, you know what, dude, I was there for the birth of the name of the podcast.

Right. Well, I was with you. All right, I agree, but the original. I love you too. Listen, we got to wrap this up. I think the guy, where's the guy? Oh, miss, we got to wrap it up, right? We went over. You're good.

We can keep going? I got another one with you. Another, that means wrap it up. Oh, do you think we could really fucking talk for two more minutes? All right, so listen, I want to thank all you guys for showing up. I appreciate this whole podcast phenomenon. Everybody's got a fucking podcast. I know everybody does one.

Pete does one. You do one. Joe's going to do one. Gary doesn't do one yet. But are you going to do one? You and Ryan Hamilton? Oh, yeah. The Sweet Sweet Angels of comedy podcast.

Yeah. We were just talking about nice things. Yeah, we're called the even couple. But I really appreciate you guys who listen to the show. This podcast, I always try to keep it like a comic hang. I have a bunch of guys on and there's no topics, there's no nothing, there's no direction. It's just us sitting down and yapping and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's intense,

sometimes people fight, but I love doing it. So I hope you guys had a good time. Give it up for Kurt Metzger, P. Corielli, Joe DeRosa, Gary Gomen, Amy Schumer, Colin Quinn, and I'm Robert Kelly. Thanks for showing up, you guys. I really appreciate it. I'm stuck, I'm stuck in the water, I'm stuck in the water You know what I need?

For this box I need, for this box I need You know what I need? Really, really, really, really! ¡You were dead! ¡Humish, shh, shh, shh! John stop filming my faith John stop filming my faith John stop Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan.

¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad.

Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.