Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Live from Skankfest

Episode Date: July 31, 2017

This week on YKWD: We have an epic episode in store for you with Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J Gomez, Joe List, Lauren Kubera and our surprise guest Rich Voss! We get right into it in front of a LIVE audience at The Creek and The Cave with Skanks everywhere! Bobby offers Rich Voss money to burn his stupid hat, Voss adds tax to the $100 and the audience helps out! Ending in an epic of all epic hat burning ceremony. Watch/Listen/Share/Enjoy Dudeeee! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That's Brooklynin.com promo code WhatDude. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a clush to fuck. This podcast has no rules. Look at the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? Oh, what the fuck?

That was trying to keep it like a comic-cad. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and he happens. Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's... ...tabin' on topics, no directions. I love doing it. Way both sides of the coin! That's how it all holds the...

That's how it all holds the... ...that's how it all holds the... I wonder, do you think my podcast is popular enough? I might affect something's just fucking get this going. Lauren, let's break, oh shit, you guys are standing? What? What's up fuckers? What's up fuckers?

What's up fuckers? What's up fuckers? What's up fuckers? How you doing? Yes, the YK, Let's just fucking get this going. Lauren, let's break. Oh shit, you guys are standing Skankfest couldn't afford chairs. What the You're not a fan of mine. I Fucking you You're my fucking... Gavos, you're my fan.

Middle-aged, gray, little titties. Who the... are you, um, you're a man, right? I didn't mean that it's an insult. I'm afraid to fucking, you know, say the wrong pronoun and get fired from a show that's free. Thanks for paying for premium cocksackers. All right, we got a great show. Of course, we have the regulars on.

We got a special guest. No, no, no. It's very special, but bringing... It's not Louis. Go down from Louis. It's not even Bill Burr. It's hot, Colin? Close, it's close. It's close. Bill Burr. It's hot, Colin? Close, it's close.

That's close. That was a good... But we have a very special guest. We're going to just get this role and everybody. Let's bring out the regular dance soda. Where is he? There he is. Dance soda! Corporate Dan. We got Joe List, the truth. True. Right here, baby. Corporate Dan, we got Joe Liss the truth. Oh.

True, radio baby. Oh. And we got the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, the guy who started this festival, giving up for Lewis J. Gomez, everybody. Lewis J. Oh. I like that the rattles back. I bought you that rattle.

You like that? Remember the rattle I bought, I bought you that rattle. You like that? Remember the rattle? Even though I'm not. Now he just looks like a ranch hand with that hat on. You're that sound, hey. Mika. Yeah. We, uh, you have a, you have, yes.

What is that? I do like a special effect. I move it away as I've done so it trell off you should have With the audience and there's really get it. Yeah, really? Is that what you're gonna do at your wedding? I think he's gonna get married right here. I got it. It's right here. You think a Lewis is gonna have a wedding Yeah, she's gonna have a wedding. He's gonna have a few of them. No, that's gonna be a shotgun wedding if there's ever He's gonna get married. Yeah, nice wedding I think he's gonna get married. Yeah, I'm gonna move.

Nice wedding. Huh? I believe Lewis will be married tonight. No, I will never get married. You're never gonna be married. I'm not a fucking sheet man. I'm not one of these sheephole that's out there. I don't think that's your argument.

Yeah, yeah, sheephole. So people get married to sheep. You sheephole. Sheephole? Sheephole. Sheephole? Yeah, here comes the fuck. You trying to know what he's... It's called a she mail. It's gay pride day you asshole

The fucking sniper in Jesus All right, so I shake this What are you doing? This is guy guy by the way special thanks death wish coffee is here hook on us up with fucking cold Bruce in the back patio Why do you why did you say coffee like a a geth of from Long Island? Coffee. It's death wish coffee. You said death wish coffee. How is that?

Holy shit. I know. It's the closest thing to drinking a beer, if you're not drinking. Is this not alcohol? You fucking. No, it's. It's, Bobby, it's 4.5% alcohol on a can of coffee. It's not even a big deal.

Are you nuts? I have 30 years of sobriety. You fucking put her Are you nuts? I have 30 years of sobriety. You fucking put her in again. No, you have 30 seconds of sobriety. Oh, Jesus. Let some hack slip later tonight. Just so fucking dance dick. It had to come to this.

Oh shit, okay. Of course, Lawrence here. Say hi, Lawrence. Hi, guys, sorry. Oh, hey, hey. Dave's girlfriend. Well, that's a funny Dave's not even on the show. I didn't even, you're on the show.

I forget it. Nice talking to you. Nice outfit. Stand up, let people see that. Thank you, I'm not gonna stand up. I'm not gonna stand up. I'm not gonna stand up. Stand up, turn around a couple times.

Absolutely not. Can you stop making me look at Dave's girlfriend's nipples? Why? I don't know. It's a good point, Bobby. Gonna stand up again, Warren. I like a standing room only show where the fucking performers are sitting.

What do you want to stand? 93% of the people can't see us. Who gives a fuck? It's a podcast that won on a Sunday. I look great. Fucking John K. Sack hair. Jill has overworked scientists hair. Here he really does have Bill Murray and Dan Acker right here from Ghostbuck.

I'm going to get back to the lab! The only scientists Robert can think of are Bill Murray and Dan Acquire. They're very, very important scientists! Very important scientists! Two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe All right. Oh, man. What the fuck is in that? I can feel it in my nuts. Yeah. Why would I ever drink anything Louis hands me? Nitro brew.

It does have 0.09% alcohol. Are you reading on a live podcast nerd? I was doing a bit. Look, there's a warning on it. This is some real deal coffee. The warning says not recommended for children pregnant or nursing women or person sensitive to caffeine. They warned you.

That's how fucking strong this is, guys. What about fat dudes? Oh, shit. I thought that was information. Look, that was if it was bad that it came out as information. The information was Lewis learned to read. Here, Joe, you need this. Let me ask you a question.

There, you want this? Give me my fucking rattle. First of all, who's this? He's not, dude, would you listen to YKWD? All right, really, you want this? Give me my fucking rattle. First of all, who's this? He's not, dude, would you listen to YKW Day? All right, really, you do. Who? Six months? Test him, test him right now.

All right, what? No for age. Look at him, he's gross. That's not. That's not. Do not touch that age patient. Yeah, but he helped a lot of people lose weight with those videos.

That's not true. Can you stand up so the people in the back can enjoy that joke? Bad boy Richard Simmons? What's that guy's name? Richard Simmons. Yes. That's called an assist for me and Dale. Alright, it would be funny if we just left our special guest back there and closed the

show. But let's bring him out, shall we? He's one of my greatest friends. Did he just shout? Yeah, no, you're nuts. Nothing, nothing, nothing he would come here. That's the... Get it going, everybody.

Louie. Louie. Louie. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, How great would it be if we just rolled Patrice out here? We just take his ashes and blow them into the audience Now we're all Patrice You snored them All right, let's bring out our very special guest. He's a self-procran. Oh

Bobby stop I'm gonna say turn Lauren's mic up. Put that in mouth. Where's the body in? I don't want to get it. Louisa has it right here. Sorry, I ate it. You got to sit over there. Just give me that mic. This mic? Oh, Joe, you take that mic. I'll take that mic.

I'll take that mic. I'll take that mic. I'll take that mic. Lewis has it right here. Oh, sorry, I hate it. You got to sit over there. Just give me that mic. This mic? Oh, Joe, Joe, you take that mic. I'll take this mic. Door, this is going to be edited out. That's called Common Sense.

What are you, Scopo? Where is Chris Scopo, by the way? Oh, I think he's been dead for months. Is he dead? Yeah, somewhere this is. Oh, I thought you were. He just dropped off the deliver of Colbert. Yeah. He was losing their the deliver of Colbrook.

He was losing their telem us at high. I love that Lewis still has Scopo doing shit for him. And Scopo hates Lewis. All right, let's bring out the special guest. This guy is one of my best friends. We became friends when he threw chicken wings on me around 15 years ago at the Comedy Cellar. He's one of the funniest guys working the sea rooms around the country today.

Now, he's one of the best comics in the world, and he's the funniest guy, and I love him to death. Give it up for Dave Schuh. No, I'm kidding. Rich Voss, everybody. Yeah! Oh, boy, it's the stepdad of guests. This is a thank you, Bobby.

This is a dream come true to do your podcast again. I love it, man. Bobby gave us our start with our podcast and without Bobby, I'd be divorced, so thank you. You're welcome. You're fucking really welcome. And I'm really thanking you. Why are you wearing a diamond ring and a Rolex? You're not going to have to look for sunglasses inside

of the shitty hat. OK. This is like the worst episode of behind the music. Look at you. That's an American flag. First of all, no hat on a cross. That's an American flag. Listen, Lewis, Lewis, whatever you put on,

your father is still dead. Oh. Boss going low. Fuck you. You have a father? Yes, yes. I've never met your mom or did your mom alive? No, no.

Is your father alive? Yeah, he's going to be 89. He's going to be 89 in August, yeah. Where is he? Israel or something? No, he's on the east side He was on the upper side Never brought him to the seller. You've never introduced him to any of us. Yes, I bought him Two years ago that birthday party he was there What birthday party? Don't want Bonnie through on the rooftop that birthday party. I don't know

It's a company one. I don't get invited Who's that the one I didn't get invited to? You want to get invited to? What's that? The one I didn't get invited to? You were invited. You were invited after the food was done. Hey, can we turn the speakers up so we don't have to fucking go? What's that and repeat everything for this fucking old asshole? That was a nice.

But I forgive you. There's a little wordy, but this fuck suck and maybe drink this coffee. I can't stop fucking talking. Dude, I sort of got to be in revved up by a revved up bull. I don't like this. I don't feel safe. That's like fucking coke. It's not coke.

It's coffee. Shut the fuck up. That was such a coke response. I know. What the? You're so much. It's not coke or fucking kill you. But you're goddamn lip off.

It really came up quickly. Why am I fucking sweat? My fucking head's red, dude. What's that, right? No, it's not great. I feel... I've never heard you speak this fast ever. Really?

Seriously, guys. Oh, he does the best dance in the world. I'm telling you. So, you guys want to come with him? My house is in a room for all of you. Don't say that. He'd show up. Yes.

What do you say? You're right. It looks like you're up north of the wall. I know. What is he? Is he a fucking lesbian? What? Listen to me.

Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. What really does come in here with that E Street cover band energy. Yeah. He is the same hat as the sax player, too. Why are you wearing this hat? What is this hat thing? Why, why are you wearing this like you. I like you.

I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you.

I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you.

I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. the last second. I think he got that out. Yes. That was called an ad lib. Yeah. All right. By applause, who likes the hat?

Woo! Woo! OK. That was there. That's that. That's there. OK. All right.

All right. Fuck you. Now let's do the act. Now. Oh. My applause! Who wants to see that hat on a fucking Weber Grill on fire? So it's nobody likes it. I say it's a tie.

It's not a tie, it's a hat. Oh, and that's what. Somebody's working the all, it's a hat. Oh. And that's why. Somebody's working the all-through. I know. Sorry about the bigger laugh than either of you have got thus far. Oh! Joe! Joe!

Joe! Joe! It was my eighth biggest laugh so far. I really think... That was not really think your father's dead. Thanks, Bobby. Your father's dead. Yeah. Your father's dead. Yeah, to me.

Oh. Lauren finally said something funny, guys. My mom, Lewis. This is the way where Lewis starts to churn on me. You know, it's, oh, Lauren, you look great. Bob Lois. This is the way where Lois starts to churn on me. You know, it's all Lauren, you look great. Fuck your chin. Laurie, what?

Laurie, Laurie. I have stopped drinking this coffee. Laura, Laurie. What I tell you about taking a hit, you can just take the hit. I know, it's a good one. I took it. I just take it. I took it.

Take it. I got it. Stop. That's the funniest. Davis, the funniest bone in her body. Oh. Oh. Oh.

I guess you just took second place, stupid. Go ahead and come on. Come on. Watch your teeth on that microphone. Yeah. That was a very expensive. You're very friendly with your dad. No, that's incorrect. You're very friendly with your dad. No, that's incorrect.

You're not friendly with your dad. No, I've never, I said I love you via text recently for the first time ever. It's hard. My therapist made me do it. What do you say back? He wrote back, I love you. Who phone was this? I missed it.

He wrote back, I like you a lot. I love you as a friend. What do you write back really? What do you write back? He wrote back, I love you too. Was it just a number two or was it... Was it L-U-V? L-U-V-U, the number two.

I didn't know you didn't talk to your dad at all. I talked to him a little bit. When we just randomly, your dad was sitting there and he was just getting a random, I love you text in the middle of the day for me. Oh, we're just huh. Yeah It was a sorry. I didn't write to you on Father's Day text Slash live in Boston. Yeah. Yeah, what part of Boston? We live south of Boston married still he's married Yeah, you've got new kids, do you have another kid? No.

No other kid, so you're his only kid? No, I have a sister, you fucking idiot. What the fuck are you? What the fuck are you doing? You're fucking in my wedding, dog. I meant, you fucking assholes, you jump and I meant, does he have other kids on the new marriage? I know about a sister's marriage.

What's the old marriage? It's a marriage. It's a marriage. It's a father's marriage, right do you mean marriage? Oh, you are so... It's just marriage. It's just marriage. Father's married, right? To make some of my mother. Wait a minute. Oh.

Your mother, your father lives with your mom and you don't talk to him. We look at each other sometimes. There's a lot of nodding. So you're a fuck, this is so crazy to me. You go home for the holidays. I always thought you went home and you had this big family thing and you had a great life at home and you're a fucking, this is so crazy to me. You go home for the holidays. I always thought you went home and you had this big family thing and you had a great life at home

and you and your family were tight. But now you tell me you go home, you don't even talk to you. I mean, he has an excuse. Yes, they're both good. Yeah, he'd be talking to a fucking plot of land somewhere. I know, Niaq. Oh, sometimes he goes to the alley to rest.

We go to the parking lot where he got stabbed. I just said that, the alley. He just looks at an oil stain and goes, well, you know, the podcast studio's going to oil. Oh, the train's just growing. He pours out some death wish on his dad's hot. Oh. I hope we get on.

I'm asking get on. I'm asking for oil stain. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. You know what, no matter how bad a kid is. Fucking hell. I would see you there looking at me on a stage. Fucking hell. Do you know where your father got killed? Yeah, we actually looked it up on the on Legion of Skanks.

We went to the corner on the earth and looked at the actual corner that he got killed on. Really? Was there a fucking like a chalk mark? Yes. Jesus, dying runs in your family, huh? Yeah. Wow.

He'll be back. Ah. That was his setup for later. Yeah. So have you ever gone there, like, went there and saw where he died? No. You'll stand on the corner, you're corner? Hey, give me your power. I would I mean if my dad got stabbed and I knew where he got stabbed. It's dad.

Sure. The first one. Oh, that one. I have I have a real dad. Yes. I don't talk to my two more years. Both. It was actually me, I think. But why don't you talk to. I've been more than four years. Both. It was actually me, I think. But why don't you talk to one? Well, we talked. He went to Vietnam, got fucked up, came back all on drugs. My mother divorced him, and I didn't see him for a long time. My mother remarried when I was five to the guy Bill,

who was a very abusive, beat the shit out of us. You know, fucking just beat me up for five years. Get out of here. Five years old. I tried to move. Then shit out of us, you know, fucking just beat me up for five years. Get out here five years old. I tried to move then my mother got the you're probably right. I tried to move in my no chin at five years old. It was unbelievable. Just hit him just falls down. That's the lowest folks. Don't go anything on that. I want to hear this story. So you were five getting beat up. Yeah, yeah, we're not getting beat up every day. But you know, he was abusive. I tried to go live with my dad and my mother was like I was like I want to go live with my real dad She goes go ahead call him go ahead call him

She called on the phone. She's sons got something to say to you. I pick up the phone. I go dad I want to I want to come live with you. He's like now you can't and I was like and my mom was like Because this bitch knew he was gonna fucking tell me to fucking fuck that phone. Maybe great if your dad wasn't even on the phone. It was just like, welcome to movie phone. What are you talking about Francisco? That's fucking sad.

It's fucking heartbreaking. It is sad. I mean, it's not as sad as fucking being murdered on a corner in Niax. Yeah, but it's Patterson, you expect that from him. He may be support or recon, but. Well, here's the thing though, when I got sober, I called my dad up. We started being friends again. We started to talk. We hung out. My dad gave me the best advice ever. We were friends. He gave me a thousand dollars to move to New York. If I didn't get that

money, it wouldn't be able to even be here. I wouldn't even have came to New York. He gave me a grand. And I remember I was on the last, one of the last things I ever said, I was on the phone with this girl, fucking just a pervert. Oh, I love her. Just a dirt ball. And she goes, I want you to piss on me. I want you to, and I was like, I don't know if I don't think I can,

I don't want to do that. And my father, ringed in, I go, Dad, this girl wants me to piss on her. Have you ever done that? I don't know, I don't know. He goes, well, I wouldn't drink a gallon of water and muster up a piss. But if I had to go, fuck it, yeah, why not? Which was the best advice I ever got from a male figure. When I was doing credit- But my third dad, wait, my mother got remarried after that guy.

That guy is the shit Larry's he's like old school Italian grows at tomatoes. This is the Frank Sinatra Fucking taught me a bunch of shit. So now he's the reason why I have a house I can do I'm like a guy have that male thing in me that I can go build something or take care of my what There's kind of funny like you're like he a fucking shit he was a synatra grottomato's he was like the fucking here's my male figure it's a very male thing to do you know what Bill things to be a father no you said grottomato's a synatra that's not like fucking repairing a car but he said it's Andy help me built I said he I can build

stuff cuz of him I'm not a user hammer or saw you you know how to fucking build shit Yeah, if we give you a hammer right now you'd build something I'm burnt tomatoes in my backpack right now. Yeah So dad won him three or good dad won like dad Hard it's a bad movie franchise dad sandwich bread dad won no good. Okay,'s like a bad movie for a chat. Dad's sandwich on the good night bread. Dad won no good, okay? No good, because my sister needed a kidney, okay? He's right.

And then they called him up and was like, listen, you know, you have to go get checked. And he was like, you know, she doesn't talk to me. Like he had some weird fuck you. Like now you need me for a kidney, but it's like she's gonna die. And she, he went down to give, he went down to give a kidney, but it's like she's she was gonna die. And she, uh, he went down to give he went down to give a kidney was he couldn't he found out he had a head C, right, which was

fucked. And then he wrote my sister a letter like, look, you I don't you know, you only want to talk to me when you need stuff and blah, blah, blah, particularly one of my body parts. And then I thought it was. Wow. And then, uh. And then she wrote them off. And then I said fuck you, I'm done with you too. I never talked to him again. And then did your sister ever get to kid me? She got a kid, yeah, kind of, she did. Why you making it sound like it was shady?

Well, because she was, there was a drifter with a similar blood type. I'll tell you why, because there was a bit of looking to end. It was from the neck. It was from the next door neighbor, Neil. But now nobody wants a kidney from Neil. Absolutely, it's a vital organ. I love a Neil kidney.

I've never heard of a guy named Neil Armstrong. Or Neil Diamond? Neil Young, Neil Brennan. All right. We lost we lost them all. That just took the air out of the room. Yes, Vince Neil? Yeah, you borrowed his hat. Did someone get me?

Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, That's very sweet, everybody. So, yeah, he, uh, Neil gave her the kidney. He was an extra net. Here's the thing now is I had a joke I'm acting about this Neil actually he was very too eager like I'll do it I'll do it. I'm like settled. No, you shouldn't be that he settled a fuck down and I never like Neil me and Neil Another friends at least my sister didn't like me that my sister was like I fuck you. I'm not taking nails kidney Oh, I hear some great. We had to talk up. We had a talker into it. Yes, because she was, I'm not taking Niels kidney. Oh, like, here's the great guy. And we had to kind of fuck up. We had a talker into it.

Yes. Because she was like, I'm not having that guy in my fuck off. We'd be hold up, and the Niels just standing there taking that shit? No. Like, I know you guys got to talk her into it. I'll be in the living room. So to... You let me know if you want one of my kidneys.

We didn't do it on a podcast, you idiot. No, I mean, I can't tell it. It was pretty public. Well, no, she was like, to the family. Oh, god. She's pan out and sitting there. He goes, so, can I say something? You can go, man. Guys, I'm cool.

I don't have to do this. No, he was a really nice guy. He gave it to the kidney, but after they started hanging out, now my sister like, Neil, everybody loved fucking Neil. Yeah, I still didn't like fucking Neil. Everybody was fucking him? No. Oh.

Why didn't you like, why didn't you like Neil? He said just, I got up, I'm telling you, I got a fucking instinct. I know when someone's a fucking weirdo, and I just never go, I just never like Neil, whatever. He gave it to the kidney six months after they started hanging out, going to the movies. Neil tried to get some off my sister. He gave my sister.

That's what you can take a girl out on. You expect something after you buy her dinner? To be honest with you, she probably should have sucked his dick. Your sister was a fucking asshole if she did not suck his cock at least. If you ever give me this coffee, I just put the cigar in my mouth the wrong way. Yes. I can't ever have, I'm fine. I just want to have a fever dream, so.

What? My God. You look like a beach well. All right, let's... If you're going to do things the wrong way, gay pride day would be the right day to do it. Am I right? Woo! Yeah, there's two gays in the audience.

I'm joking. And the rest are bisexual. Yes. Oh. Yeah, so my dad, you know, whatever, he's, but my sister needs another kidney right now, though. This is the thing. I don't know if he had a kidney.

I have a kidney, because she's not a fucking, she's an asshole, once I can think after you get it. When Neil can't give her both, dude, I would care would care about kindergarten right now. She's like my dick nobody wants She can't be going around sucking dicks. She needs a kidney. She said yeah, then she should be sucking it a little bit harder, okay? Wait a minute My Robert sister how old is your shit up my kidney lasts when you get a transfer for 16, 17 years. That's it. So when you get it,

when you get, that's very true. It's so, you don't think about that. You get such a big thing to have somebody donate an organ. You get the organ, I was sitting, you're living,

you don't have to be on dialysis and all. And now, 16 years later, you're like, oh fuck, this thing is run, it's course. now we got to get another one but now she's older they don't give old people kidneys because you have you know 20 years left of 50 whatever the fuck it is her older she's a 49

wait a second I still let her stop giving you kidneys had a certain least fuck what I'm gonna ask if she blow you. If she did. If she sucks in my deck, I will give her my kidney. I swear to God. Wait, we have to be similar blood types. I swear to God. Oh man, this is the kidney for a kidney.

I'll suck your dick, because I may need a kidney. So what the fuck? Do you have kidney problems? Yeah. Well, I don't have, I have a cyst on my kidney, but everybody gets cysts on their kidneys. No, you don't. Yeah they're not, I have a system, I kidney, but everybody gets cis on their kidneys. No, you know, yeah, you do. You do. I don't know. I got a couple of if you ever cis on your kidney. Yes, I do. If you ever cis on your

kidney, you think these girls race one of you have one in your vagina. You think these people, you can't even go to a doctor. Look at them. You, I'm telling you, yeah, most people have cis on their kidneys, but mine's the size of a baseball. What? Yeah, that's not good, buddy. Yeah, it is. It's not malignant. That's a word that can hurt you.

Malignant. You're telling us what, you barely said it. I said malignant. I said it fine because you were so... Say it again, say it five times. Malignant, malignant, malignant, malignant, malignant. Whoa, bitch. Now say conspiracy theory.

No. Conspiracy theory. You had fucking five minutes to get that together. Let's talk about deepdiscount.com, a website loaded with CDs, vinyl, DVDs, Blu-rays, video games, and more. See for yourself. Go to deepdiscount.com or just click the logo on my homepage, riacast.com slash Robert Kelly. Deepdiscount eliminates the need to spend the night searching for something to watch on Netflix or on demand. Instead, go to Deep Discount, find the movies you want to watch, buy it for a really great price, and have it on hand forever.

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One more time, it's for free right now for my listeners Go to zippercruited.com slash what dude Buddy are you really gonna you gonna have you can't do it do a go-fun me for No, no because no my You don't get started. Uh-huh. What? Kickstarter instead. Why? So if you don't kick starter. What? You're a kick starter instead. Why? So if you don't get all the money, we have to give it back.

Boy. Oh. Are you really sick? No, I'm not sick at all. You're not a fucking baseball on your kidney. Oh, but they drained it. With what? They drained it.

They drained it with... What a basketball pump. How do you fucking drain it? Yeah, yeah, in a van. I went to the hospital and they drained it. His body have to suck it out, like once a month, like fucking snake poison. Yes, on movie night.

What, so what are you gonna do about this kidney thing? Nothing, there's nothing you can do. You can't do anything about it. No. Are you physically okay? Perfectly fine. Perfectly. I had a physical recently.

I'm perfectly fucking fine. Really? Yeah. Boss, you should give his sister your shitty kidney. How funny with that, baby. You know what? She sucks my dick and she's like, I can't her kidney. I mean, I mean, if she sucked your dick,

but you had bad kidneys too, and you're just gonna, did I just do his jokes? Yeah, yeah. Nice talking. Wait, I'll never drink this coffee again. I'm losing my fucking mind. He puts the cyst in sister. Oh!

Oh! Coming through. Oh! Now, wait, Joe. Thank you. Chris, I don't know this whole story. Then, how did you end up in reform school? Didn't you go to reform school or an orphanage got it's not called reform school because it's not it

wasn't the 40s you fucking relic okay I'm not all over twist what yeah which process is that one is used that World War one lingo just call me Liza what he loves you World War two listen it wasn't it was it was called juvenile jail it wasn't reform school it's called juvenile jail. It wasn't reform So you know also wasn't called juvenile jail juvenile jail sounds like a thing of moms making up to scarier Send you to juvenile jail. It's not like a board game. Yeah, he's a great juvenile jail. Do not pass go Wow, I wish I wish

Wow, I wish I wish he didn't pass the tunnel this morning. Oh, wow, take it back. He had to take a tunnel again. How long were you? I think you were joking with your teacher. Yeah, I was like, you go. No, you go. What do you two have in a side podcast? Yeah.

How long were you in? How long were you in a reform school long were you in the... What? How long were you in a reform school for? If you call it reform school one more time, I'm gonna scrape the side of you off on this huge portion. It was called Kid Prison, dummy. Yes.

It's not... First, you had to go to Kid Court. You said... That's a good idea for a show. It'll be great. I went when I was 13 for the first time. For Annamarabha, you saw him better, a mistrusted, chestered, passed in, breaking motivation.

Yeah. Annamarabha. He stopped talking so fast, we didn't hear any of those words. Yeah, also, I can't see your face and I'm terrified you're stroking out because of this call. Starting into the Micro Machine Man. It's like, hey, hey, hey. Annamarabha.

No, no, no. Yeah, don't fucking give me that can't. I'm a unbubbler, so don't, so don't, yeah, okay. Yeah, don't fucking give me that coffee anymore, I should have taken that. Hold him still with spurning hair and fucking... He's just starting to sound like Colin Quinn. I don't know. I don't know what's happening. I...

I don't know what's happening. I... I don't know what's happening. I can't stop. Why would I ever do drink this? It's a sponsor of Skankfest. Do you want to feel like you were kicked right in the brain? Drink this coffee. It comes with stuff called nitrous. My...

Listen, my head's red, like... Like, I'm out of breath, but I'm not sweating. Dude, this word of God of Bobby dies at Skankfest, it will not be cool. Yes, that's it. But it will be a very Skankfest moment. The craziest thing that's happening to you is you can somehow see your own head. In it?

What do you mean? You keep saying my head is red. I'm like, I don't even know what that fucking means. I know, because you can, you can, shit, that wasn't. I understand. My head was red. It was good, but it wasn't factored.

My head is warm, hot. You can, you can, you can, you can feel when your head's red. You can feel color? Fat guys in the room. Can you, can you feel when your head's red? Dirk doesn't know what he's talking about. That's...

I want you just to sit on on every podcast behind me. Yes, just... Yes. Just... Little kid. He's not the logo of Skankfest next year. You fucking, you're a moron. Yeah, I couldn't give her a kidney, which I was kind of excited about,

because I had a lot of gigs, you know what I mean? A lot of digging for that thing too. What's that? I said it would be a lot of digging for that thing. No, they just didn't hear it. Now they just don't like me. I didn't give her a kidney. No one could give her a kidney. No one could give her a kidney.

The guy me'll give her a kidney. But now we have to go back and do it all over again. So actually a couple of fans from my podcast, or from the, you know what, do probably, signed up. There's a thing on my Facebook page on the, you know what, do you think? Well, you can sign up, call, and get tested.

A couple of them got tested. And can give her a kidney. She just has to become healthy enough. And then one of the, how great would that be if some fucking chubby dude from newer wound up giving my sister a kidney. Hey, Paul, I'm the ending fan of the podcast. Your sister has my right kidney. That sounds like all the women Norton dates. That's amazing that it only lasts 16 years. That's insane.

Yeah, that's it. But they're actually working on something right now where they're going to be able to take her stem cells and make a kidney for her that will work forever because it's her. But she has a kidney. What happens is, that's not what everybody. She has kidney disease. So what happens is, whatever doesn't, that's not what everybody. She has kidney disease. Oh, I see. So what happens is, whatever kidney they put in here will last for a certain,

and then- And then it gets diseased. It's like Lewis is a podcast guest. Yes. Let's talk about reform school. Did you get, did you get a lot of fights there? Did you get I I did not and that's where actually it's funny I that's where I learned to be funny because it you fought all you are funny

There's two things you don't doing Jovey Hall because you're not in there You're in there for three months in a bad one three five months maybe a lot of color if you murdered or did something crazy You were in the worst one there were ones, and then there were good ones. The good ones, there was no locks, you could fucking run if you wanted to. The bad ones, like the worst one I was in was in Halifax, Massachusetts. It was an old Jewish camp, huh?

And then, they were just gassing the children. So, just bringing them out. Yeah, children, you just tied in for the show. You want to steal a laffy, caffy? Let him do the accents. Goodbye, Juveniles! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- It was an old camp and it was surrounded by cranberry bugs. There was one end by the SS. Yeah. You know.

I don't get that. I'm not even giving that to you. Go ahead. So, you have to go over. I'm not even giving that to you. Go ahead. So, you have to go over. I'm not even giving that to you.

Go ahead. So, you have to go over. I'm not even giving that to you. Go ahead. So, you have to go over. I'm not even giving that to you. Go ahead. So, you have to go over.

I'm not even giving that to you. Go ahead. And Bobby was still a good one. Oh, your mother fucker. Go ahead. What a beat of the fat show. No, well. It wasn't fat back then. That was Shades Kelly. That was gorgeous.

That was gorgeous Kelly. Bobby was fucking beautiful. That's what Bobby was fat shame in the other kids. I've never become like you, you piece of shit. Yeah. You're got the sexy at daddy. Ah, touch my stomach. It'll always be like this.

Forever and ever, dude. I'll always be sexy. Nothing I'll ever go wrong. I'm Shades Kelly. Oh, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn. I was pretty hot back then. You were. You were smokey.

I was five, dude, I had a six pack, and then I had the V dick ab. I thought you were nine. What are we talking about here? I was 13. Oh, all right. Oh, yeah, from 13 years of hot. It had crazy muffled me.

That's what I was thinking. Nine years old is jacked. I was pretty scared. What kind of the bed? I'm not. Look at me. I'm built like a brick shingas. So... Well, you had to be in good shape. You were eating a lot of tomatoes. So what happened? Oh, I didn't have the farm. You didn't have the farm?

Well, it came in, but I was too late. I was too far gone. When that guy came in, I was already drinking... I started drinking... I don't know. I started drinking... I started drinking... And fucking when I was 10.

No kicks. I fought the first time. I was in a fight. I was in a fight. I was in a fight. I was in a fight. I was in a fight. I was in a fight. I was in a fight. I was in far gone. When that guy came in, I was already drinking. I started drinking. I was 13. 10.

I started drinking and fucking when I was 10. No kicks. I fucked the first time. Tony, I can't say your last name. Tony, could you? Tony, could you? I pulled. I was drinking a pint of Seagrum Seven by myself at 10.

No fucking way. You were the youngest detective? Yeah. Yeah. I got to solve these cases. I love that Dan knows how to do a bottle. Yeah. What do you, you speak, you, uh, fuck this coffee skillet. Don't blame the coffee buddy.

Uh, um, yeah. This is fucking amazing. I drank, uh, I started drinking when I was 10 and then, uh, I quit for a little bit because I got caught and I got arrested I got arrested for ripping off a canteen truck. We found the canteen truck. What do you want? Solo? No, the one with the food and the cigarettes. You can get a hold.

What? You can get a hard on at 10? Yeah. You can get them at 10 months. Little babies have hard on. Yeah, I can get him at 10 months little babies have heart Oh, yeah, my fucking kid pisses on the wall every morning What a fruit pie is just sticking straight up hot Too far too far yeah, you get it you get a hundred and yeah, but I'm I started drinking I was drinking a lot and then by the I started drinking. I was drinking a lot. And then by the time I was 13, I was drinking a lot.

I could drink a case of beer by myself. All day, but not like in an hour, but all day. I would get a case of Ole Milwaukee's, they were like seven bucks. Where'd you get the fucking money? I would rob people. Pants with a border guard. I would rob people like, stick them up. Yeah, stick them up.

Pants reform school. Yeah, I would go, I didn't rob people like sticking up though, I didn't do any, I was never that guy, I would go into people's backyards and still like, you know those mother marries, like the ceramic things? I would steal those and sell them. To other old Italian women?

Yes, yes, I would steal people's power tools. Do you steal the little one? Do you have a 10 year old? I stole an owl once, a fucking awesome hour. If a 10 year old showed up, he's like, Dad, do you need it to walk through? I mean, I'm not gonna give you about, go home little boy.

Yes. No, no, do you ever, do you ever have a question to card in? I had, what? Yeah, go ahead. What else do you see, oh. Fucking pulled the emergency brake on that one. So I had a whole row of stores on the street

that would buy my shit. Like they were all PC. You were a little merchant? Yeah, he was a nice flamingo today. It's fucking Mr. Haney from Green Acres. Yeah, I wish you were here than him. He owned a bunch of businesses. Yeah, we got it.

Here you go. Take that, Joe. He's fucking Steph Curry right now. I was just eight. I was the same type of criminal when I was like nine, ten. We would go into the parking lot and we would open cars, whatever car doors are up and just take all the change out of the dashboard. Yeah.

Just crush it. Make like 10, 12 bucks in an afternoon. Go play video games. Yeah. How about you that now? You have to do that now. Are you looking at all the people? Bobby?

What? What I gave him, I missed the roper. What? What do you mean by that? You can't just fucking... He's saying... This is the problem with this fucking. You give him a hit. I would take it, smash it, and it's like, it up here.

Now what? I laughed at him. You just... Okay, okay, okay. Seven of us ain't no half way back here. Seven of us ain't no half way back here. So fucking... He sabotaged this cock-sucker, sabotaged me with death fucking crash coffee.

Bobby Blank. I know. Blank. He fucking sabotaged. He tricked this fatty. I just knew he couldn't turn down and just- This was what sucks about you. You get a smash and then you give us statistics on why the fucking jokes not real

I know everybody you you made a lot of money on skank no I didn't actually. Are we getting paid now? Really we don't pay everyone gets paid for what paid for this. Yeah, do I get paid more? You get to do whatever you want with them, but you don't have to pay anybody on this so it's this is your money Oh, thanks. You're saying that in front of Voss. Thanks. I mean, how does $80 always break down? I remember that tomorrow when you want that box of Cuban Sir Gars. Are you getting it tomorrow?

Yes. Yes. I think there's a buddy. I apologize. You can have my money. I don't want your money. That hats, you fucking, I hate your hat. It infuriates me.

I want the flamingo case. I'll sell it to you right now for a hundred bucks. Please have a hundred on you. Fuck the fuck up. We have a hundred collectively. Yeah. That was... 40.

Hang on. I need sugar packets Splendor fun day. Splendor fucking punch car for cold down With eight punch Hershey's wrap 50 bucks. No, that's Go home bring it up bring it up. Oh, shit. Give me that. What is that? Come on up, Bobbub. Come on grab the money. Yeah Oh, yeah, all right. All right. All right. What do you got ten? There's 20 on it. Okay. That's 70. What's that? 10, there's another 20. He's a comment. We said we're so good. Keep going. We need more. We need more. Who's got more bring that up?

Pass that hat around. Keep going. Here's 20 keep going. Keep going, keep going. When he more, who's got more, bring that up. Pass that hat around. Keep going, here's 20 for you. Look at this. 20 for you. 20 for you. All right. Well, hang on, shut up. You made the deal.

All right, wait, plus tax, plus tax. 20, 40, 60. Here's another 20 right here. 80, $100, plus tax, $12, $7. It's seven dollars seven dollars not seven do the New York tax one Queens in New York you're fucking idiot. Yeah, here's fucking Hingo 10 bucks. Give me a hundred It's right here. It's all in here. Let me count. Let me see you're not I'll give it to you give me a hundred What's the head? Give Lauren the hat Lauren walk over there Burn burn. Give me that Burn that fucking Give more in the hat. Lauren walk over the hat. Burn the hat.

Give me the hat. Burn the hat. Burn the hat. Burn the hat. Burn the hat. Burn the hat. Burn the hat. Burn the hat.

Burn the hat. Burn the hat. Burn the hat. Do not burn down the creek in the cave Bobby Bobby It's your wallet you've done dubbing water in your wallet! I got it.

Bobby, put it right in there. Bobby. I can't nervous. I know. It's alright. Guys, seriously though, it's like fun to a certain... And I have it back. Alright guys, we're all having fun.

But seriously, like, you know, Rebecca's done a lot, giving us this value. I'm giving that to you because you're wearing this, wouldn't you? Fuck yeah, that's an amazing collector's item. We're gonna have to get right there. Paul is here. Hey. You know, he looks like Harpo Mark. Yeah. What?

What? He looks exactly like Harpo Mark. Oh, fuck. If he would stop, sit up. Face me, face me, come here. Oh, he's going to the back. What's going on the back? She's the boss. No.

He does. He looks like Harbohmarsch, if he was stung by a hornet's nest. He looks like the little kid from Bad Santa grew up. Yeah. I'm just going to throw this over you head. What is your problem? You're just like, it's like bum fights where you're paying buns for you.

Fight each other Here it's five dollars. You give me crack cocaine in the fucking bottle Who wants to die tonight Dead when it comes someone on the podcast Oh, that fucking had stinks. That's over. It even light on fire. How much does that had cost? 50 bucks How does that hat cost? $50. Oh! Oh! 100% or what? I would have paid 200 with your money if you could have done it. I feel oddly sad about the hat that bummed me.

Don't worry, I got six more at home. Oh, all right. I'm an addict. I'm going to pay Bonnie a hundred each to take them all out. You have a lot of those hats? Yeah, why do you wear the hats though? You get nice hair. You're pretty. You get pretty hair. I don't like to deal with it, why do you wear the hats though? You get nice hair. You're good at it, Rich.

You get great hair. I don't like to deal with it. What do you mean deal with it? What do you fuck? You're not a black chick. It trapped inside of me. Mmmmm. I, you know what?

What? Don't say you know what? Just say it. I don't know. I feel bad now. Why? Then I gave up my hat. Why? You love that hat, didn't know, I feel bad now. Why? Then I gave up my hat. Why, you love that hat, didn't you?

That was the hat that you bought. Yeah, that box card. I feel good for a year. Stop, stop, stop. Lauren, what did you just say? He said he looks handsome, it looks fine. Thank you. But we know her taste.

Mommy, I'm gonna. Oh. Yeah, she's just gonna think Dave's gonna grow up to be rich. Do you have anything in a sick Jew? I like my boyfriend's hungry. You what? I like my boyfriend's hungry and half dead.

Yeah, okay. Can I take back the funny thing you said before? Oh, thank you, Lose. I appreciate that. I really don't like the hats, and it's a weird thing because you've, you've, Patrice got into hats for a minute too. It was the most, he got into looking like he had his own barbecue sauce for a lion. That's good.

He, he would come in, just fucking a vest, some little ribbon tie that you had in a fucking hat. It's like, what the fuck are you doing? And he had, maybe he had a jersey phase, all he was with jerseys from teams that he didn't give a fuck about. It was annoying. And if you did a gig with them, it took seven hours for him to get dressed when he was in his suit face. Because he would, it's just fucking sucked. Yeah, that was nothing to do with that, but I thought, on a podcast, someone might jump in at any point.

Well, we were all in middle school, so. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna. He's like, dude, do you remember when Patrice went through his jersey face? No, no, no. I don't know. Was it, was Clinton in office?

You know, I don't know. I was going through puberty. I mean, I really forget that I have two friends things. I have you and Norton, and Quinn and Keith, and then I have these young fucking- Second level. Yeah, well then, they're the first level now, which we have. Yeah, we're the kidneys you guys are gonna need in 15 years. Oh, shit. Yeah, but I just don't like your phases.

Do you want to buy my sunglasses? No, I don't. Then the shitty sunglasses, you got to the fucking... The Oakleys. They're not Oakleys. The Oakleys? Let me say, then a fucking Oakleys. They're not Oakleys. They're Oakleys. Let me say, they're Oakleys. They're Oakleys.

Exactly. Because they have Oakleys with three O's. Let's do a watch. Let's get the watch. Come on, everybody. I just, I don't like this, this hat phase you go into it. All right. I think it's because you're going gray, right?

No, no, I don't care about that. You don't care about going gray. I don't care at all about that. You don't dye your hair at all. Never once in my life. Never why how could I you go tanning never once in my life? I play golf So I never I swear to God why would I I told the truth I talk fucking crack stories? Why would I lie about that? You don't go tanning never in my life. Do you have a tan line? No, cuz I I don't Take it. Oh wait Let me see. I can't.

Let me see you, Tim. Through the cheers. Here we go. Take it off. I mean, that is. Yeah. Wow. Oh my god.

Jesus Christ. I can see the baseball. Why? Why does your belly button low level wrestling? Why do you... Your belly button looks like my wrestling? Why do you... You know, belly button looks like my grandma is... This is the body of the guy who's already in the ring with a big guy comes out. Yeah, you belly button also has a cyst.

He has bigger boobs than I do. Yeah, you belly button's very weird, dude. It looks like a clit. It looks weird. Bobby's never seen a clit. I've seen a clit. That was what Louis does. I've seen clits. That was what Lewis does. I've seen clips. Right guys.

Bop, bop, bop. Bop, bop. Bop, bop. Bobby doing it's even better. Yeah, what's up? They said blah, blah, blah. They said blah, blah, blah. He said blah, blah, blah, blah.

He said blah, blah, blah, blah. No. Maybe we should take some questions. We want to do an A. What are we? Yeah. What the fuck is it? Comic-Con. No, no. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?? What? What?? What? We don't need you for shit. Go home. Oh, dude, how great that be if everyone did.

And then Lewis is just sitting at Skankfest going, I shouldn't have opened my dumb mouth. You guys. If you guys all just burnt your passes out front. Because I didn't mean it. What tattoo is on your arm? You got good work. A brandy savage.

A brandy savage. You got good work on that. That's a great one. He's got you. Yeah, all right. Right in my wheelhouse, Bobby. Yeah, that's a great one. He's got you. Yeah, all right. Right in my wheelhouse, Bobby. Yeah, it is in your wheelhouse. Do you like, are you 12-year-old second of dick

and be right in your wheelhouse? Yeah. And it's a good one. You only think that's wrong. Why the, why? Because he's a good man. You're mad at me that I never blew him up. But it was 12.

What does it mean 12? I didn't second it when I was a while. I did defend him with my voices. Hey, Bobby, the fact. Shut up. I didn't get it. You were told to story about the steak. That was earlier than that. Oh, all right.

10. Yeah, I went 12 you gay. Okay. I was young when I was 10. You were fucking at 10. Yeah. I wasn't sucking at 10. Fucking.

No, I was fucking women at 10. Women go, shut up. I'm a little fucking whipped up from that coffee. Body was a swinger at 10. Shut up. I'm a little fun in whip-bent from that coffee. Body was a swinger at 11. Put your keys in the bowl. What was the first time you had sex? 16. What?

I was 18. What was the first time you had sex? I was like, we'd have a- Like, consensual though. I took first. I was a week after're like consensual though. Oh, I never ever. I took first. I was a week after my 16th birthday. Really? 16th?

Chris and Welles. That's real golf girl. Yeah. Got a big fucking bush. You barely get my dick. I remember when 16, 15 year old girl was back in the day. You know what? You tread like this.

Hey. You know what? It's like fucking a 15 year old girl. Back in the day. Last week. But you know how they're, they fucking a 15 year old girl. Back in the day, last week. But you know what, they didn't have like, trim their pubes yet, so they would create like, almost like a fucking like, like a,

like a Venus flies trinket over the pussy lift. Yeah. To get through, so you know, like, it was like, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be,

you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you act on knife. The first time I got this is fucked up. We were, me, my friend got a hotel down the seaside heights on July 4th weekend. So my two beds, listen, it's a funny two beds and it was me, my friends. So we go to this little hotel in the lake and say, look, I might rent the other bed to other people, you know, because I mean my friends said, well, they'll never do that.

What do you fucking Airbnb? What, not listen. So we go, we get the hotel room, we come back, she rented the bed in the floor in the five other people. So I leave to go to the boardwalk, I come back and the dude's fucking this brood. I said, can I try? And so he said, yeah, go ahead.

So I fucked her. I came so quick and then I sat on the beach and reflected, like looking into the fucking waves after the first time. It makes you sad, huh? You were sad, right? You were like, I fucked up, but God's gonna get me. I did something bad. Well, no, it's because I came quick.

The first time, the first sexual encounter I had was with, I told you, I did it in your movie that you cut it out was with, oh yeah. This fat chick in the neighborhood, it was the local whore. They called it the blouse. She's the exact same story. Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Again, I was sexy back there. No, I was, that was first grade. It was first grade.

What? Look, I'm sorry. I didn't do it. Bobby did. She did it. You clearly did it. I didn't do it. I was in, what did I, you think I was walking around?

You got raped? Smoolyay, let me see your tit so you can't tell. Yeah, that's not true. It's a good story, though. She took me until, like, this rhubarb bush. Um. That's like an old wives tale. Yeah.

So I say, she took me into this, all these kids, I was like, oh, take Bobby, take Bobby and she took me into this bush, her and her friend. And she sat there on this thing, smoking cigarettes and she made me suck on her titties. How old was she? She was, she had to be like 14. Okay.

Did you say my father grows root bar? Come on. That wasn't fucking... I don't think Voss is joking. I think Voss's joke just got us the light. It doesn't matter. I still made a hundred bucks, so I don't give a fuck. That's actually the funnier part of my head.

Voss is funny, he goes, don't burn it, those are all my jokes! So the other five hats are funny or hats? You sucked her tit and what happened? That was a good one, Joe. Thanks buddy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. There's not a few good ones that we're going so fast. Yeah, it's my fault.

I was sucking the titties and then she took my little pecker out. And just settled it. You know what I mean? Because it wasn't, it's not like now, well, what it used to be. It's actually back to what it was when I was in first grade. But yeah, and I felt, I remember I went home that night and I cried because I thought, that was where his Catholic sex is bad, all this shit's terrible. I cried in my bed, I thought God was going to kill me.

My mother came in and she was like, what's wrong? And I was like, I couldn't tell her because I'd have to tell her what happened. And I was fucking, dude, it was the worst night of my life. Then a week later, I saw her at Tufts University, we used to hang out there, like, you know, break in and walk around upstairs. You were on the first grade.

You used to break into a car. You were hurting college. Yeah, we used to walk in and play, they had like, mats and shit. And the walk around upstairs. You were on the first grade. You used to break into a car. You were hurting college. Yeah, we used to walk in and play, they had like, mats and shit. And the fuck did a child do you have? You did it wrong. Hey, my parents are still alive. All right.

Yeah, I believe. But, uh, I saw her, that was a good one. I saw her a week later at the Tuffs, and I sucked her titties again. Wow. I actually got my friend this time, as I do, come on, let's go suck these titties. And you both were sucking a tits here.

She was lying on the floor, and she was so big, one tittie went that way, one tittie went that way, and we were like, little calves. Mm. Oh, man, imagine being the janitor walking in on that? Oh, fuck, man. I'm just really good at math and misunderstood.

How much green stuff he had in the toilet? That's the scene they cut out of Goodwill Hunting. Yes. He walks in and fucking kids fucking in the upper. Ah! Wow. Yeah, it was fucked me up for a sec. That's why I was fucked up with sex. I learned no, but that's why when my kid you're gonna you're gonna teach a kid about sex.

I have sex. Oh, Jim. I'm gonna talk I'll talk to my kid about sex and when he's ready and I'll tell him all he needs to know because I I was fucked up for years and then all better now for years. And then, all better now. The truth. Yeah, but I can't believe it. 16 for you. I was 18. That's 18. 18, I relax. What about you? Yeah, I was 18 also. 18, 18. Lauren.

I was 17. 17. Mm-hmm. You had sex before, Dave? Yeah. Ah! Why, why was Dave? Last week. This morning. Hey. Nice. Yeah. I gotta be honest, I think the crowd's getting Yeah, oh I was Dave Last week this morning

Hey nice, yeah, I gotta be honest. I think the crowd's getting tired. They're standing some of these have been really Fuck up. This is not the entire field bath for women in comedy. What else? Why? No one ever laughs at them Just kidding all right listen. I want to say, first of all, we're going to wrap this up. But first of all, you guys, when my podcast, you know what, dude, became what I call fucking legit, is when I started having you three fucks on.

We call you guys the originals, the regs. Someone called us the core four of the other day. I thought that was true. Woo! Who was that, Derosa? Ha-ha-ha. But will you? Lewis, get off your phone.

Get off your phone. I'm looking up the sponsor name's, fuckface. You don't have a fuck, he can't do that! God, I love the sexual tension. Bern Lewis is hat. Bern Lewis is hat. Bern Lewis is hat. Bern Lewis is hat.

Bern Lewis, good. Fucking try. Gotta try to burn my fucking hat. I'll fight all you fucking faggots. I was loving if Dante just walked in. Is he clear? Just took your hat off your hat. Are you ever afraid of Dante's walks in like a giant midget?

I don't know. I give it up for the act out, everybody! I think the last of the act out, everybody! I think the last of the week in there in the air. You'll probably take the hat off his head. That's a good dumpster. Bitches ain't shit. Bitches ain't shit.

Call me up on for a buck 50. I'll teach you how to get pussy. I just wanted to thank some of the sponsors. Give thanks to the sponsors. First of all, Markey Sponsor, cannabis.net. They fucking hooked us up so much guys Obviously me and Vosah here for you people in a couple years when you want to recover The via rideshare at Paps Blue Ribbon Deathwish coffee

Merchbomp, Hatham, Usual Creek in the cave guest digital gridline design everyone fucking helped us out they were amazing all the festival partners So I just want to give it this festival became pretty fucking great last year was awesome last year was even big Yeah, it's awesome next year we're doing eight cities. We're doing a tour. Let's not get carried away. Let's see what You do it in city for seven years Sky fest on the moon Moon fest Jerry's gonna do an all-martian crowd-work show. What solar system are you from? He's gonna sit on a moon rock. Oh, that was bad. Wow. Wow.

Anyways, Bobby, you were saying we make the show great. I feel you got interrupted. I want to thank, first of all, I want to thank Rich Vos. I love doing, I fucking, I don't care what the industry says about this guy. I love doing radio with you. Anytime you're on a fucking radio show, you want the funniest guys on. I love doing radio with you. Anytime you're on a fucking radio show, you want the funniest guys on. I love doing anything with you.

Comedy, you're getting better, you're doing good. Thank you. You know my fifth scene. We know. Okay, any of it. Nobody has five CDs. Why, what do you mean? Who the, why five?

Of course I've been in the business for 400 years. What? We have iPods now. iPod? You have an iPod? You have an What? Because we have iPods now. iPod? You have an iPod? I have a record player.

Yes, I have an I-Pod. I have a record player. Yes, I have an I-Pod. I got a pretty sweet idea. But I want to thank you for coming on. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. I have a great show list.

I fucking love you so much. I love you too. And I'm so glad that me and you have become friends. They sound like the fathers they never had. Robert's going to be in my wedding. Did you know that? I'm in your wedding. I'm on I'm coming to you wedding. Yeah, but you're in it. What does that mean? You're the fucking guy What do you mean I'm the guy you're the reverendee guy? You got to rent a tub when is your wedding? What August 17th?

Buddy, I'm not a man. It's a day before summer's land Wait a minute your wedding is the 17th no, it's the 19th dum dum I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I- I just go up and say you married. No, you gotta take the test. No, we're gonna get, we're gonna sign some papers and then you do the boobly bips. You just say some shit. I hope I don't drink this fucking coffee before you wedding. Do you, do you kiss? Fuck it, let's go. Oh dear.

This is end-in. I love you buddy. Thank you so much, Lewis. You did a great job putting this together. I love you. Even the last time we almost fought. Last time we was on the show? You last time we almost fought it.

Yeah, you almost got lumped the fuck up. Oh, fuck you. What is the fuck you? By the way, you fight. Fight, fight, fight, fight. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh By the way, how much would you laugh if I just fucking hit him with a chair? We'd all take fucking photos. If you would have smashed me in the face after I woke up, I'd have like, all right, worth it. You guys, I want to thank you, fans, YKWD fans. Hey, bossy, you guys are the best.

We'll see you guys next year at Skankfest. Take care. I got fucking shit to give out. Where's that bag? One second. You, who wants a pair of YKWD Vater Drumsticks? I'm just gonna throw it on the back. My wife hates me on Raya Kess. T-shirt, let's T-shirt. There's another T-shirt.

Oh, that bitch got it. Who wants a hooney? Who wants a new lighting system? Yeah! We got posters. Give those out. Who wants these drumsticks? These are some bad things.

Like GWD. What's worse, scissors? Oh no! I need this! The one thing you want to try. Who wants trash? No, I need that for parking! Who wants an empty cover?

You guys want magma to choose a chair? Lauren, right here. She Lauren, you can have all this shit. Lauren, who wants an empty cover? I see you. Lauren, you can have all this to explore? Lauren, right here. She's Lauren, you can have all this shit. Lauren, go ahead and learn it.

I'll see you guys later. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

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