Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Live From The Comedy Store

Episode Date: June 3, 2019

Bobby and Joe DeRosa take it back to YKWD's kitchen table roots for and old school episode! Live From The World Famous Comedy Store! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoice...s

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a clash to fire. It's podcast, it's no rules. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? No, that's so far. That was trying to keep it like a comic.
Starting point is 00:00:24 I have a bunch? Oh, that's a fuck! That was trying to keep it like a comic-catch. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 of the topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin!
Starting point is 00:00:36 That's how it all holds her. That's your mother-pasta. I don't want to do anything. My podcast is popular enough, where I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's Robert Kelly and Joe D'Rosa. Oh Oh, shit That's the fan base right there. Oh my god. What's up everybody? How you doing all right?
Starting point is 00:01:44 Yeah, you know what did Dude, it's right. This fucking guy's not Joe. What? Yes, but both wearing cam, I'll go fuck yourself. It's Memorial Day. We're representing one of us is going to take it off. I'll take mine off. You're going to take yours off. Yeah, he's your show off.
Starting point is 00:02:00 Take mine off. If I take mine off, I look like a fucking uppercase B sideways. Did you put that on? on remember it was Memorial Day? You're on purpose, you know, I put this on because it's fits I have three shirts that fit This is one of them. This is the only stylish fat shirt I could get Dude, this are a black shirt on a black shirt You look good. You lost weight shirt on a black shirt. You look good. You lost weight. I gotta tell you I'm scared. People keep telling me that I look like I'm gonna help you. Just take the fucking coat off.
Starting point is 00:02:31 People keep telling me that I look like I'm getting to shape. I'm doing nothing healthy. So there's something eating away at the inside. Yeah, something's happening. You're dying. You're of AIDS or something. What if you get cancer at lose weight and then cure the cancer? What did you say? If you get cancer, lose the weight and then cure the cancer. That's not a bad idea. It's a fucking great idea.
Starting point is 00:02:54 Do you maybe get AIDS and just before you're about to die, take the little cocktails and live? Like I just thin out like a month. I don't think it works that way. You don't know. I think you could just start taking advantage of it. Magic Johnson's been around forever. I mean, they cured AIDS.
Starting point is 00:03:12 I mean, the right it's cured for magic. Okay, yeah. No, they did for everybody now. I heard, you know what I heard recently? I heard a Freddie Mercury got it six months later. He'd still be alive. He was like right in that window of figuring out how to figure out how to yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that'd be great, right? But that movie would have sucked.
Starting point is 00:03:34 He just lived. Let me just kept fucking deals without condoms. All right, listen, you guys know the podcast. Thank you for showing up. This is the first time we've ever done it on the West Coast. I'm excited to be here at this fucking awesome club too. I love this club. I never played it when I lived here for two years. Because a fucking lunatic was booking it.
Starting point is 00:04:01 Remember that fucking, hey man, thanks for the journey. Fuck you. He's fucking an attempt on fucking La Siena get right now. That guy told me once, but I said, can I work here? He goes, I've seen you and you're funny, but I gotta feel when it's right. That's me. He's got a good point with you though. I mean, I think S. as he said the same thing.
Starting point is 00:04:25 Probably. I have sorry that I had to go for that one. Well, for you guys, you don't know if you know the podcast, it's usually me and 14 other comics screaming over each other. And oh, I have to poop my fucked up. I'm on fucking New York poop time, dude. I'd be home right now on my bidet cleaning it out like a fucking gold mine.
Starting point is 00:04:48 You were at a mills from three hours. What were you doing? I had a fucking the steak and eggs. I like the steak and eggs with the little corn tortillas for three hours. I fucking slow-rode that, you know? Doesn't matter. You guys texted me in five 30s that you want to go to Mel's.
Starting point is 00:05:06 And you showed, here's a picture of the menu. And I said, I can't. And then when I got here at 7.40, Aaron was like, Bobby's still over at Mel. Here's the, here's the, oh, shut up. Stop trying to fucking CSI my food, asshole. All right, I had staking eggs and I'm sticking to it. All right.
Starting point is 00:05:22 What I'm saying is these chairs are too low. If you don't have saying it's a chair's fault. It's got me in a squat position and it opened up my canal. So my asshole is like, dude, it's fucking late. Let's take a shit. But it's really, it's 8, 5, 20. I shouldn't be shitting right now.
Starting point is 00:05:41 It does feel a little low, doesn't it? There's no way I'm shitting here either, by the way. Why am Why not? Because I don't want to fucking some fucking one of my idols to walk in and Joe Rogan to see me just, can you pass me toilet paper? No. I mean, the things that have gone on in that bathroom over the years, I can't even imagine. Well, this place was open when Kinnison was alive.
Starting point is 00:06:02 I mean, it's just gotta be a must of the shits out. I just heard, speaking about, can I talk about that? Yeah. Yes. Okay. All right. First of all, I just want to let you a little backstory on why me and Joe are doing this. When I first started this podcast, it was just me and him at my house before anybody,
Starting point is 00:06:21 right? Before Burr. It was, right? Oh, you mean before he did a podcast? Yes, before, I mean, nobody was doing this shit. We did it. We did it. We were right there. You know what, dude? I started podcasting, dude. We were right there.
Starting point is 00:06:34 Right there. We could have made a difference. That's usual. Nobody gave a shit. This is my point is that we did podcasting before, I mean before and Marit, he was just starting to do it. Burr, I set up his first buy. He didn't even do podcasting. I mean, we don't have it.
Starting point is 00:06:56 Like, this is the belly room and it's, there's no people up there. I mean, we both have podcasts forever. And it's, I think we should, I think we should quit the business. I think so too. No, I'm not talking podcasting. I'm talking the whole business. We should open up an ice cream truck or something. Yeah, it's one of account of the amount of things I can think of that I did was part of before anybody else did it. Never got any. It's that thing. Why?
Starting point is 00:07:34 What the fuck, Joe? We don't have it. We don't have the it factor. I mean, yeah, I mean, we got you, dude. I'm happy. I'm fucking so happy you're here. I'm on top. I love you, buddy, but it's not enough.
Starting point is 00:07:49 You know what I mean? Unless you got a lot more of you, you know what I mean? Is that your wife? Your brother, your wife. Thank you. It means a lot to you guys, K. I don't want to reject you. Whiteest guy I've ever seen in LA. Let me tell you. Let me tell you the things. What's that thumb? Put the thumb down. Don't touch
Starting point is 00:08:10 me with that wand. It's ain't clown posse. Yes. I closed my half hour special with a bit trashing the insane clown posse. Yeah. Before anybody ever made a fucking joke about those idiots. Okay. I got death threats over it. Right. Nobody gave a shit. Okay, and they do it on Asin Al. Everybody's like, oh, fucking insane, clown pops, what a bunch of fucking jerk offs. And I'm like, I said it three fucking years ago.
Starting point is 00:08:34 We don't have it, Joe. We don't have it. Here's another one called Amazon when I was getting fake bad reviews. And my albums were going down to one star because I was getting trolled. They told me to go fuck myself. Right. Amy Schumer winds about it for two minutes. They changed the fucking system on Rotten Tomatoes and Netflix. Yeah. You know, so it's a big difference. It's like Amy, but you know, right? No, sorry. Take your time, Rodney. When
Starting point is 00:09:01 nobody's, we're literally you you could fucking stand there forever. It doesn't matter. I thought that story was gonna get some laughs. Well, because it's, because you, you can bear your self-daemey Schumer in a prime, and you had a self-debuted album. You and Amy have a lot more company. Ha. What was that? Was that a fucking...
Starting point is 00:09:27 That was a sneaky chubby joke? Is that what that was? You piece of shit. Don't you fuck with my Amy. She fucking has all of that. Well, we were talking about... Then I'm gone. Why have I made it? She had the most famous people.
Starting point is 00:09:44 They had... We were joined Kevin Brittance podcast. And then I'm gone, why would I made it? I'm the most famous people. They have. We were joined Kevin Brennan's podcast. It's a hit. We just trash. We just do. Listen to me. Look at me. We should just say what we say on the phone to each other. Live. We'd be famous tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:10:02 It would start for new hashtags. I think all the hashtags are already. Oh my God. Yeah, no, I think about that too. Ever in private parts. When he's at the gas station in Stern goes, maybe I should just say whatever pumps in my head. That's what I should be doing. Yeah. It's because I've watched that movie and they're like, yeah, he's right. And I can't. I can't. It doesn't work I just doesn't work it bro. I think that's why I kind of get sad a little bit when I come out here because it's
Starting point is 00:10:30 it's I feel like I first of all, when I get here, I feel fat every every as soon as this plane fucking hits the squeaks of the wheel, my ankle swell up and my neck sweats. It's like L.A. knows how fat I am and lets me know. As soon as and I almost fucking hit somebody, I'm walking to go to the bathroom. Some guys on his fucking phone and he he's on his phone and he bumped into me and he went watch out. Yeah. I had to go I fuck I fuck I fuck. What's hard for her? It's my technique that I use not to hit people, like to rage out when you should use it.
Starting point is 00:11:10 It look at me, you crazy person. When you get angry, Dante Nero taught me this because I have a fucking, you have a temper too, right? Oh yeah. I have a temper issue. It stems from our childhood. It has to do it respect. And he said, you anchored that shit from back then to now. So anytime somebody does something to you,
Starting point is 00:11:31 you fucking want to have justice, right? So at that moment, if you say something ridiculous, it snaps you out of it. So when you get mad, you know, someone cuts you off in traffic, you just go, I'm, Art Rock, Art Rock. And then you're supposed to spin and go, Art Rock. And it works. This was literally a honeymooners plot. Was it?
Starting point is 00:11:52 Yeah, they did this on the honeymoon. What do you fucking 90? Who remembers that? They did it. They also did it on a, a sand felt. So right now, what's that now? You don't remember when you would yell that so he didn't fucking scream at his wife anymore.
Starting point is 00:12:04 I did who had a wife? Costanz is dead. Oh, okay. Now You don't remember what he would yell that so he didn't fucking scream at his wife anymore. I did. Who had a wife? Because stands is dead. Oh, okay. Now I don't remember that. Yeah. I mean, look, dude, I have a major temper issue and I've made your respect issues and I pop the fuck off.
Starting point is 00:12:16 The good thing about Hollywood is every man that lives in Hollywood is such a fucking pussy. You can scream directly in their face. They won't do fucking shit. I will try it with- Is that on a hat of fight or anything? And I've gone up to do it to be like, fuck you! I have to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:33 You know, because they have an audition tomorrow. They don't want to fuck up their face. I'm back in New York. You don't got to stay in line out here. I remember in New York, there was this little fucking Italian guy. I was the middle of the winter. He was fucking screaming at this. I mean, he had a big Norwegian blonde kid just in a puffy coat
Starting point is 00:12:51 looking down at this kid. Coma shit. He's like, how fucking dirty are you? You go suck a mother and this girl was like, fuck you, get him, Tony. And this kid was going, why are you yelling at me? Why are you yelling at me? And then he went in his car, got a fucking bat out of his little beamer, little fucking tying guy
Starting point is 00:13:09 ran out, came around the guy while the girlfriend was yelling at him, hit him with this fucking bat. You're sure into the puffy coke, this kid turned around and went, why'd you hit me with a bat? This little fuck when I shit, we got to get out of here. Yeah, fucking ran. Did the guy hit him? He chased him. Yeah. The kid got his beamer and laughs. Yeah. Good. You'll get fucked up out here though.
Starting point is 00:13:35 There's tough guys out here. I didn't say out here. I said Hollywood. What is that? What are you saying? I'm saying the Hollywood. Yeah. Proper. Okay. A neighborhood. Right. I'm not talking about LA. Right. No, the people comfortable. Fuck saying? I'm saying the Hollywood yeah proper Right, I'm not talking about LA right. No, like people comfortable fuck you up pretty good Yeah, I almost got fucking attacked on rollerblades by 15 bloods. Yeah, I lived here They're all 13 you deserve that what do you remember that I do and I remember me and Keith making fun of you and saying that you were starting a new roller skating gang And they didn't like you coming into their turf like one of the warriors.
Starting point is 00:14:07 Well, you out here, you wind up doing silly shit that you'd never do. You wind up, you wind up, I remember I started barbecuing. I went to a fucking tambourine party. I was like, It's just an awful, awful fucking place. I hate it. I load every minute of fucking air I breathe in this fucking town.
Starting point is 00:14:32 I'm stuck here. There's nothing I can do about it. Why don't you move back? Because fuck them. Who's them? Damn. I'm not giving them the fucking satisfaction. You mean the people that don't exist?
Starting point is 00:14:44 Like who's that? Because when I quit this business, I'm quitting it big. We satisfaction. You mean the people that don't exist, like who's that? Because when I quit this business, I'm quitting it big. We're going to take some people out. We're going to go out of the mouth. Jesus Christ, Bob. What? That's big. That'd be huge.
Starting point is 00:14:54 You fucking wiped out everybody in here and stabbed me in the chest. It's me I'm going to drop down from the rafters and a noose at the Hollywood balls. Just something big stage somewhere. You take everybody out tonight. Oh, they'll be like, that's art. You know, I ain't gonna get in there. No, I, you know, I, I like go away. I don't like Hollywood, but I, um, I would say this,
Starting point is 00:15:16 you do start doing weird shit out here because you go fucking crazy, dude, because you walk in one city block and see eight billboards with people doing better than you on them. If I see one more pretty little lies billboard, I'm gonna fucking choke somebody. That stupid billboard of six women looking tough.
Starting point is 00:15:35 Just staring down at you. Like they all look like they're going, you're a man. You don't deserve to work. Jesus Christ, Joe. Joe, you're about to murder somebody. I love it. I just, but, but wait, you said you do weird shit. I was gonna, I'm in what I, I moved out of, this is why I moved out of LA because I had Patrice staying at my house. For he, he, he booked something. There was a showtime special for comics, and we all had a edition here, actually.
Starting point is 00:16:10 And you did rounds. And I did the first round, went to the second round with Patrice, so he was staying with me. And then I didn't make the third round, but he did. And he wanted me to drive him here. We got into one of the biggest fights of my life. Because like, dude, you want me to fucking drive? I'm not in the thing.
Starting point is 00:16:30 I got booted. And you want me to go there as your fucking blem O driver? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, fuck you, he goes, yeah, you're my friend, fuckface. That's what friends do. And I was like, yeah, pussy, you had to pull that fucking psychology. Did you go? Of course I did.
Starting point is 00:16:49 You say friend, I'm a fuck, I'm just a, that's all I want is friends. That's all I want is one of my whole life. That's why I'm here. So the fucking still talk to you. I just want to be liked by somebody. I don't have a dad, Joe. I don't get one.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Hard fuck, hard rock, hard rock. Did he get to say what? Did he? Yeah, he fucking got it. That was the showtime thing he did here. He wound up getting it and he's staying in my house for like a week now, which I didn't fucking add that to the food budget. So it was the weirdest thing ever.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Patrice is on an air mattress on my living room for in Culver City with my two dogs that slip with him. Didn't sleep with me. Apparently he's a fucking shit-soup whisperer. And then I fucking, I remember I was cooking when I chicken. I was barbecuing chicken and I perfected my recipe. Did you make your own sauce? Yeah, because I wasn't one night chicken. I was barbecue and chicken and I perfected my recipe. Did you make your own sauce? Yeah, because I wasn't doing comedy here.
Starting point is 00:17:49 Like this club wasn't what it is now. I know what it's going to be. I can't. I got to fly back to New York to do four sets. Yeah, I know the field. Buddy, I didn't do comedy. Anyway, let me plug. I bet the improv lab Tuesday Tuesday June of 2020 and 11.
Starting point is 00:18:06 All you fuckers better be coming tomorrow night to the lodge. Where the fuck are the lodge room? Where is what are you on the show, asshole? The lodge room. Aaron. I don't even know where it is. Well, because I have a lot on my mind. What island park?
Starting point is 00:18:20 Thank you. I lost a story of my life right there. So anyways, I'm sitting there barbecuing this chick. This is exactly, I moved from LA because this, I handed him his chicken and he took a bite out of his eating and he went, Bobby, you got to move out of here. And I was like, why? He goes, this is the best barbecue chicken I've ever had in my life. He goes, you're a chef. You know the comic. Get the fuck out of here. I, I my life. He gives you a chef. You know the
Starting point is 00:18:45 comic. Get the fuck out of here. I packed, I moved a month later back to New York. I literally went to dawn, who was my girl back then is my wife now. I said, I'm out of here. I'm fucking gone. I'm going back to New York. We packed up a U-Haul a month later and moved to Hell's Kitchen. That was, yeah, I I'm not, uh, yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna start spending more time out in New York again. What you're in New York, you're not an LA guy, Joe. Tell me about it. I am. I'm telling you now. I'm a hot seven in most states. What fucking Milwaukee? Fucking Iraq. I'm a real one shit out here, dude. I used to be, the funny part about this is you know, I've been sexy like five times in my life. This is my sixth fat, seventh fat. I went from
Starting point is 00:19:35 six to seven and I never dipped back into the sixth sexy, but I was hot, really good looking. Remember, but I never did it here. I always regret that. I was always chubby out here. No, I'm, I'm, when I first met you was right when you moved back, you weren't that fat. But I wasn't shredded. I wasn't, I was a little chubby. You were good looking enough to be a cunt, which you were.
Starting point is 00:19:57 Wow, somebody holds your resammer. It's what the fuck? You're so much nicer than you. You and a lot. Everybody's nicer, fatter, Joe. You're a woman in front of a fat crowd, the best crowds ever. What are you doing? What'd you just do, Aaron?
Starting point is 00:20:17 What was that? Jesus Christ. Well, sit down, fuckface. You're in the light making arm movements. I don't know if you're bumping us when nervous. Are you listening to us? We're about to quit the business and you're giving me to get the fuck off the stage stock because your skin tag got on your shirt.
Starting point is 00:20:39 Sorry, it's a, you you know, it's funny. What? I know how to make barbecue sauce for scratch as well. You have to learn it out here. And here's what's scary about it. I cooked so much on here. The other day, I was like, I'm gonna make barbecue chicken. I thought the chicken.
Starting point is 00:20:57 I was like, I'll make sauce at home. Dude, I winged it. And it was fucking amazing. It's time to go home. Yeah. Time to listen. Amazing. Yeah, you got to go your next step is working at a casino as a chef You got to go home listen to me. Yeah, go home I will knew you we got to go back to New York. You're done here. They don't want you
Starting point is 00:21:20 I mean raise your hands. Am I right? Should he go home? I mean, you liked Joe, but you want him gone. I mean, he's not going to make, listen. Did you just say you're not going to make it? Not here. You ain't making it fucking here. This town is the worst.
Starting point is 00:21:39 And it's, and, you know, back when, here's the deal, when we were back in New York, we were I mean, ONA, the tours, now you come out here, it's fucking, I mean, everybody's killing it out here. I mean, look at that wall, you're like, holy shit. Oh, the wall of all my friends that have passed by me. Yeah. Yeah, I stared it frequently. Oh my God, that fucking hurts.
Starting point is 00:22:04 And those pictures in that back room, I was going to have a fucking nervous breakdown. That fucking. There's those pictures in that back room. I was going to have a fucking nervous breakdown. I know. I mean, you have any of those comics on that back wall? Yeah, but dude, I go to every fucking club I've been playing for 20 years. Guess who's not on the fucking wall? I never on the wall. No, I got to pretend I'm John Pannette just to fucking feel good about myself.
Starting point is 00:22:23 Every funny bone, every fucking improv that I've been put, most of the people on the wall don't even play the fucking club. If you're a comedy club and you have prior on your fucking, you're a get that off. He's never played there. You put me on. I've been, huh? He's played here. I'm not talking here. I'm talking on the clubs. Really bugging me every fucking fucking club. I hear you. And these big photos of every fucking comic that's never played that club. It's it's brutal, dude. And you get you have so much downtime in this town. You start to get ideas for things that you think are good ideas. Yeah. And then not. Yeah. You'll be like, I'm going to do a fucking comedy out more about surfing. You know what I mean? Like, I'm gonna do the first theme comedy out about surfing.
Starting point is 00:23:08 Nobody's ever done that. Yeah, but the problem is, is you tell somebody who, and they're like, dude, that's a great idea. Yeah, everybody's a piece of shit, so they all tell it's a great idea. Oh, they want you down the path of no retar, they wanna see you walking down a dark alley, so you don't fuck with them.
Starting point is 00:23:23 And then it's all that you have to cling to, and you invest in it, and then you get to a point in your life where you don't fuck with them. And then it's all you have to cling to. And you invested it. And then you get to a point in your life where you're screaming at an agent. Yeah. But what the fuck do you mean you didn't set up the meeting for the surfboard comedy album? Dude, you're talking to me. I do a show from my shed in my backyard. I know.
Starting point is 00:23:41 I'm finished. Look at me. I had the homage build a shed so I could do a show in it. Nothing's happening. Let me tell you why I'm worried about Bobby. Every time I talk to him, he has a new piece of camping equipment. Yeah. I'm many of them are weapons. There's a lot of hatchets that he's gathering knives. He's telling me about all these new survival tactics. He's learned me about all these new survival tactics he's learned.
Starting point is 00:24:06 I don't know what you're planning, but it seems like something, something big is happening. I'll tell you what I'm planning. I'm doing it when it all comes cattumbling down, which it's right around the corner people. He's gonna be king. You know why? Cause he can see in the dark.
Starting point is 00:24:21 All right, you good looking couple right here. Electricity, gel, you're fucked, you're done. There's no need for you after the fucking, after the apocalypse, you're the first ones to die. Fucking what can you offer? I have abs. Fuck you, goodbye. We're gonna keep that old guy,
Starting point is 00:24:40 because he can fucking, I don't know, do shit. I don't know, come on in, some knots or something in your life. Yeah, that's gonna be the old guy that teaches the group dignity. Yeah, exactly. We're gonna keep him, because he'll just kill anything and cook it. We're gonna keep this little fucking ginger. It's man getting it. We're gonna fuck him.
Starting point is 00:24:59 Ginger's having it. Yeah, you're getting banged. This guy is, because they're gonna need somebody that knows circuit boards. Yeah, we need somebody in those radios. He does look like the little kid in fucking bad boys. Sir, what are you doing here, sir? Are you a fan? Yeah, yeah, the old guy.
Starting point is 00:25:22 Oh, now you're the oldest guy in the room. How old are you? You're 60. That's great. Now do you feel comfortable around all these young people? Because when I'm around young people, I feel a little perverted. Do you feel a little weird? Do you want to come sit up here with us?
Starting point is 00:25:43 I'm kidding. Stop it. Everybody out here wants to make it. You see that shit? That was a test. Even the fucking old pervert wants to come up and try his luck at a podcast. I mean it's just the worst. All right let's bring up it. Bumps by the way. You're doing the stand-up show and they go listen I you you're gonna have to wait to go on the the third lead from Fuller Houses here. Do you want to do stand up now? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:12 Yeah, the Chubby girl in Shazam just showed up. We need, we need to bump you. Fuck it. God damn it. It's time to come home, buddy. Come home. You could do your little shows in Brooklyn. You fit in in Brooklyn. So we a little You can do your little shows in Brooklyn. You fit in in Brooklyn. So we a little bike hat and a little little bike and your little dog. Yeah, you love your little coffee shop. You're the mayor of the coffee shop. Yeah. Yeah. Type
Starting point is 00:26:36 my little book. Yeah, you're sick when you write a book. You don't write a script. Yeah. Scripts. Yeah. It might be a novel. I think it's time to come home, buddy. Yeah. Alright, fucking about. Alright, good. I'm so happy. I want to bring somebody up who this guy is a friend of mine. He's been out.
Starting point is 00:26:55 He's LA. This guy is fucking LA. He's got it down. He has no problem with it. It's either in you or it's not. It's not a new Joe. It's not a me, but. Court come up here everybody, give it up for Courtney.
Starting point is 00:27:09 Where does it? That come over here. Now you might, what was the move you were in everybody recognize you from camp by me love was one. I've done several movies brought Bobby. I name a couple more teen wolf. Yep. The original, not the shitty MTV show. Well, the Orney Adams show you can start.
Starting point is 00:27:31 Don't give him hope. You not fucking give him hope. All right. He's at the end of his rhyme. Let him come home. Well, I didn't know it was a camo jacket show. So I wore my black jacket. He's the only one that looks like a marine. It's like a retired Navy seal. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:27:47 Me and you look like we worked in the kitchen. Yeah. We're actually submarine kitchen Navy guys. Courts one of those guys, he could he could buy it off the rank. It like came anywhere. Fuckin' anywhere. He could walk into fucking forever 21 and buy a shirt Yeah, and just look and it make it look like a million bucks. Yeah, it really Makes me sick and this this whole cross of the leg thing is a dream of mine
Starting point is 00:28:17 I've wanted to do this. I'm sorry. I've wanted to do this Just cock what it's cock right here. Yeah,. Okay, that's okay. What is this cock? What? It's cock's right here. Yeah, that's not his cock. Do you have PTSD from that little bit? Starting to get it. Flashbacks. Flashbacks of Vegas.
Starting point is 00:28:33 Do you understand? Do you understand how, do you understand this, this, this physically, you're amazing. I have been here since 1984. Right. So I've been here forever. Right. And had the level of success, now I can't fuck. Now it's awful.
Starting point is 00:28:53 I'm almost as bad as Joe right now. It's almost as bad. It's not quite that bad. Because I have stuff on my resume that aren't student films. But it is not I did an episode of Louis. That was a good credit. I'm a time episode of what I still a good credit to me. Yeah, no, no, yeah, but I mean, but I I've known I've known you for Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Okay, touch me dad. Yeah, did I do good? Yeah, you did good. I think I did good good. You did good. This is half full this place. Yeah. No, this is great. I mean I have a heart. I mean you guys you play here, Joe. You you do show
Starting point is 00:29:37 He doesn't This is his first time. I know. I do some sets here. I'm not a regular. I started, I started every other Wednesday, me and Ryan Moses do a show. Yeah. Ryan tells the audience,
Starting point is 00:29:51 we're doing this so Joe can try to get past it. This is crump. Yeah. It's a way. It's like, I came here, I came here in 2002 when there was like, I mean, it was nobody. Dude, we used to have to wait until like the nine o'clock O.clock OR show. We'd wait till 1015 until there were six audience members. I remember, so we could start to show. I was here in 2000. Yeah. And I remember coming to this club and
Starting point is 00:30:15 being like, physically, it's exactly what a club should be. Oh, it's a perfect, I mean, fucking perfect low ceilings, rock and roll kind of fucking dingy, but I would show up and nobody would be here. It'd be that front room. What's that front room? The original room. Yeah, that's why I started in this room in 2001. And I used to do the shows on Sunday night and get and get a chance to get in front of
Starting point is 00:30:38 Mitzi because Mitzi used to come all the time. She used to come on Sunday Monday night. I suck balls when I got passed, but there was not literally suck balls. That might be an idea for you though. You know, it's not walking these guys up. Yeah. But no, the thing is, is it was back then, there was nobody here. Now there's fucking everybody here. It's a bad, it's actually, it's a bad time for a white straight male. Oh, Jesus Christ. Look how middle it is. I'm, I'm, I'm, that is true.
Starting point is 00:31:08 I'm Middle Eastern, but I won't steer into the curve and wear like a fucking handkerchief over my face on stage. So it's, so it gets me nothing. Maybe if you just grew the beard out a little more and just said, all on shit every now and then. If you like, they, this is the, Joe, I'm just gonna break it to you. You're not Middle East and now you're not. Now you're not. You're a walk from Philly. That's what I look like. That's what you are.
Starting point is 00:31:34 I know that I passed for white because I'm frequently told that I passed for white by my liberal friends who claim to not be racist. Anyway, why do you guys keep touching me? They always go we want diversity. They want a certain kind of diver. They don't want Arab people. They want Arab people to talk about Arab shit. If you don't talk about Arab shit, they don't.
Starting point is 00:31:56 But if you go through, if you go through the top, some of the top comics that are out there right now, they're white dudes. Yeah. So I don't understand, like, you know what I mean? I used to think the same thing. They don't want fucking white dudes. I'm not talking about, I'm not talking about American general. I'm just seeing at the club right now, this club right now, right?
Starting point is 00:32:17 There's an excess of very good white stand up male comedians. Yeah. Well, that's, and we just don't want you here, Joe. But can I say something? Is that the light? Can I say something? I want to say something, though. We have to, now you guys are saying this, right? So we're assuming that we're all, we're great.
Starting point is 00:32:36 We should be. We should have it all because we're good, but we're not getting because we're white males. But there is the other thing that you stink. Who me? All of us that were not good. were white males, but there is the other thing that you stink. Who me? All of us that were not good. I want to start looking at that. I will start being honest and going, you know what? We don't got it, fellas. Look at me. Stop. Maybe we don't have it. Maybe we're just, okay, listen, let me finish.
Starting point is 00:33:05 Maybe listen. So glad I came. So glad I came. I'm just saying, maybe we don't got it. Maybe we'd be better at home, people, helping people, mixing paint. Maybe this, maybe we should work on a rehab. I'd be great at that. You'd be great at that. Maybe we open up a deli. What about a deli? I dream of opening. We have him be the face of it right look at that look at the crowd. Oh hold the sandwich up
Starting point is 00:33:30 Yeah, yeah, you can't look at the guy that looks like he never eats a sandwich be the face All right, so I'll be the fucking face of Thank you Well if he had a deli you had a deli which deli do you think I would go to? Well, if he had a doughy, you had a doughy. Which doughy do you think I would go to? Yeah. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:33:47 It's fucking gonna sprout sandwich coming to your plate. One. Yeah, he'd fucking have my side bowls. I don't even know what that is. That's a health food trucker, whatever. I've tried everything to lose my tits. Nothing works. Well, here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:34:04 Life is life. It just is what it is. It's, you know, it is what it is. You can't, you know. You have the hot guy just fucked with him. He's not that hot. He's, yeah, he's a dark Roman Hollywood hot. You get him out in the light.
Starting point is 00:34:21 He's not fucking with a, with a pit. Hey, you know what I mean? Look at me, look at me. I disagree. I think you're fucking, I think you're smoking hot and I let you fucking touch my pecker any night you want. I'm just kidding. Stop cock blocking me back off.
Starting point is 00:34:36 You know, it is what it is. It's like, look, I just don't want to. Let me ask you a question. You, this is, this is dead honest. You answer me honest. Yeah. Promise me you say swear. Swear. I want to answer this. Have you, have you fucked a Shea male since you've been out here? No.
Starting point is 00:34:54 I want to. I do. I do. I really do. Wait a minute. She's got it. I have a huge dick. What? And it's going to be cut. Wait a minute. She's got it. A hundred percent. Have a huge day. And it's going to be cut. It's not the cut part. I want to hear that.
Starting point is 00:35:09 I welcome the cock. Of course she too. That would be a girl. Boo. But no other part of her can be anything that reminds me of a man. All right. Completely convincing woman with a cock. Right, okay. So is that wrong to say?
Starting point is 00:35:27 I don't know how that is. I don't know what you're gonna let a fucking say. No, you're in West Hollywood. You can see anything you want, Joe. Why not? That sounds like the perfect. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, great.
Starting point is 00:35:35 Are you joking? I can't tell if you're joking. No, no, I'm serious. Okay, there's no problem. That's the LA in him. Yeah. That's the exact same. I accept your homosexuality. So, no, it isn't bad to say she has to look
Starting point is 00:35:47 totally like a woman. No, because people get in trouble for saying shit like that. But I just mean like they're can't just do the games. Nobody's getting in trouble. There's eight people here on a fucking Monday. It is true. They literally just drop checks on a podcast. We're finished. We don't have it. Even the wait staff are like, let's end this. Okay? Literally with my dick out.
Starting point is 00:36:12 Nothing would happen. We could literally jerk off on all the women in the front row and they'd be like, all right, see you guys later. Bye. Nothing went like we can't. I'm not gonna relax. Yeah, anyway, but I am very interested in that. What, quitting the business?
Starting point is 00:36:31 I'm having sex with a chemo. It's not that you're interested. You just, you want it, you want to fuck a, I like to, you want to be on F sex. Now, here's the question. There's a lot of trust in. Would you have sex with a trend, change sexual?
Starting point is 00:36:44 It's not my thing. The dick would bother me. Like how bother you? Like bother me. Like I would look at the dick and go, I'm out. What about the balls? Well, they're under the dick for sure, you know?
Starting point is 00:37:02 That was, I mean, there's a difference in balls and a meaty clip. I mean, there's a difference in balls and a meaty clip. I mean, if you really, okay, that went too far. That went too far. But if you just had balls, though, what if it was just a hole? And then balls. Would you do it? That's like a bad operation, right there, man? No, that's like fun. I just, there's something about that. Like, I don't know. I just, it doesn't work for me. Yeah, but you. Yeah, but I couldn't fucking do though. Maybe you know, you don't have a fucking, you fucking a transsexual. Wait a second, Joe, just so you know, that is a dude.
Starting point is 00:37:38 It's not though. It's a woman with a dick. There's just a difference. It's a fucking difference, dude. Yeah, it's a difference What does No, fuck that you mean make the penis into vagina. Who would do that? That's boring. You see that you've seen that You see how come I'm a certain of the certain technologies, yes I have. Oh you see now. Come here for a second. Does it taste the same? Oh see, that was too far. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, surgical technician doesn't know fucking camera blocking I squat down I now put his penis in your mouth. I'm kidding. I'm kidding
Starting point is 00:38:35 You're you're a surgical technician. So you've for the Navy. Yes, thank you, buddy. Appreciate what you don't Yeah, I started you offended these fake camera flush jackets. No, okay Sorry, what the fuck Floch jackets. Okay, I don't get that shit. Yeah, you don't wear that shit. Okay, sorry. What the fuck, man? I'm just, I'm, you, what the fuck? I'm just just Memorial Day. I'm trying to fucking live. Appreciate it. Thank you, sir.
Starting point is 00:38:54 Listen, young buck, are you on a ship now? No. So you, you do surgeries, you perform them? I have done, are you a doctor? No, I'm more or less turned on kind of like the doctor's bitch. I hand him instruments. That's fucking great. So you hand the other one, you little scalpel and you flop it in his hand.
Starting point is 00:39:14 Yes. That you've seen in the Navy, how do you see a penis become of a giant in the Navy? Well, you see, they take it like this. I know how it works. I'm just saying that they don't do they allow that in the Navy. They take it like this. I know how it works. I'm just saying that they don't do they they allow that in the Navy? Yes. Really? So in the Navy, if you're if you're a man, you can become a woman and you guys will make that happen, you'll take the penis and make it in a room with you. I'm in the Navy. Yes. That's great. That's cool. And you've seen
Starting point is 00:39:41 it. Join the Navy. Sorry, that was too easy. By the way, of course he's saying it looks great. What's he going to say? We're never going to real shitty job. I never said it looked great. He's got to say it looks the same though. Yeah, what does it look like? Does it look like a sleeping rhino eye?
Starting point is 00:40:03 What does it look like? I don't know. When you're done done. You have to make the little things like there's still like a lot of swelling and swelling. Oh, right. What a stop after you know, you make a dig into a vagina. Yeah. Really? You quarter a cock and tens to get a plane. Now, is it like, is it like a kidney stone? Can you keep the nuts in the jar? How do you throw those out? I'm not real sure about that. You don't know what they do with the nuts?
Starting point is 00:40:30 I don't know. We just send them down to the lab. What does it not look like outside of the thing? Very vinescular. It can tell you that much. Look at me. Look at me. Do you think I know what that fucking vines gonna look like?
Starting point is 00:40:42 I'm sorry. What is, you would throw up if you saw it, I'm sure. It's, does that mean veins? A lot of veins. Yes. Yeah. Oh, fuck you. Just imagine a really vainy like ball of nut.
Starting point is 00:40:55 Yeah. So you don't get the white though, right? The ball is white. It's like a whitish gray. Really? You just tossed them out. You can't make like a keychain or a necklace out of them. I mean, I don't see why not, but-
Starting point is 00:41:07 We let them harden and make like a little earrings. That'd be pretty for her, wouldn't it? But these are my earrings, Daddy. They're warm or not. That's why I would deal if I was in Vietnam. What? If I was one of the Vietnam, so we're going to do crazy shit and Vietnam.
Starting point is 00:41:23 Like a ear necklace? I think a testicle necklace. Yeah, I'm sure you'd be a hit with all the Vietnam. So we're going to do crazy shit in Vietnam. Like a ear necklace. I think a testicle necklace if I was back. I'm sure you'd be a hit with all the fellas. A psycho Joe's cutting balls off and blowing the guys in the woods. Shit. It's your necklaces, remember? Yeah, thank you. Ear necklaces.
Starting point is 00:41:40 Well, dude, thank you very much and happy Memorial Day. Thank you for your service. Never forget, brother. Thanks for coming out. Yeah. Yeah. Now, can you go the other way, sir? Can you go the other way? Can you make a penis out of the vagina?
Starting point is 00:41:53 I've not yet seen that done yet. You can't do that. Right. You can't just, like, you know, take some skin off the stomach and make a penis. You try, you're thinking about getting a large man. I'm thinking about getting an enlargement. For what? Well, you just were saying, I know the way you were very interested in it.
Starting point is 00:42:11 Look, you can't get an enlargement. You can't get your penis enlarge. You can't? You can't. Bob Cran does it in auto focus. In a movie. It's about a real guy. I tell you, Ella Mae, you'd say art, Vark. Fucking snap it on me. I'm just asking questions to get
Starting point is 00:42:29 forward the conversation. I know because you're an asshole and you hate me sometimes. I don't hate you right now. I know. You got this dick and alarms. You can get an alarm. If you get you're dick and large, how big would you go? Well, I don't know how much you can. I think you can only add about an inch to it. You can get like a add it on an inch to it. You can get like a monster cock. So, why do it?
Starting point is 00:42:49 I didn't say, you know, creative the procedure. I just, I just said you can get it done. I don't know. Why would you do it? I don't know because I haven't seen my dick in three years. That's why I do it. I feel like everybody's dick is bigger than mine. I feel like my wife hates my dick.
Starting point is 00:43:06 Literally despises my dick. I'm in the shower of my wife comes in. I turn and face the wall, like Blair Witch Project. Oh no, maybe that's why I'd fucking do it. Did you see autofocus? No, what's autofocus? It's about Bob Crane, the guy from Hogan's Hero. Oh, I did see that, yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:23 I mean, you know, he's like a music, a sex guy. He's always have norgies and shit, so he gets Hogan's era. I did see that, yeah. I mean, he's like a sex guy. He's always have norgies and shit, so he gets his dick and large. No shit. Imagine that's what you did if you were into real of the orgies. You know, you want to spend money on, you know. Yeah, and that was like the 1970s too, and he did. Yeah, the dick and that must be awesome dick and largements now, right? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:43:42 I don't know anything about dick enlargement. You brought the dick enlargement. You just said, can you do it? I said, yeah, you can do it. That's literally all I know though, because I saw it in a Bob Crane movie. And I think it's real. I also sometimes wish I lived in Star Wars. So that tells you where I'm at mentally when it comes to films.
Starting point is 00:44:03 Anyway, wow. It's like the old podcast in my kitchen, isn't it? I was hooping at my farm, sorry. I know, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Can we reminisce about some old shows? Yeah, we can, let's do it. Well, there's the one that never aired. We haven't had that big fight.
Starting point is 00:44:24 Yeah, we got, I've only, this is why it courts up here too. There's only two podcasts. I know edit, I never edit my podcast ever. It is what it is. I don't come on the show with an agenda. I just start, turn the mic so we start talking. And it's always been that way. But there's only been two times that I've had to edit.
Starting point is 00:44:44 I had to edit once because somebody's career was on the line. And they wound up losing their job anyways. And I had to cut two podcasts. There's only two podcasts that you guys have never heard. One was with this guy. Because he, yep, he was talking about somebody famous and there and there what they did back in the day as far as partying and sex and all kinds of crazy. It was an amazing podcast about this him and this other guy. And the other guy contacted me and we were doing a show
Starting point is 00:45:22 together. He's like, dude, you're gonna take that down. And I had to take it down immediately, because... And his name was Harvey Weinstein. LAUGHTER Kind of. Yeah. But no, we had, but we went on this, but we went on this, I'm gonna have to dump this one. No, easy. No, but we went on this, but we went on this, but we have to dump this one
Starting point is 00:45:45 now. Easy. No, but we went, we had, we were just reminiscing because you were asking me about what it was like being in Hollywood back in the days, back in the 80s and 90s. And down the street here was Roxbury and all these, and I was talking about all these nights we used to go out and I used to run around with some different people. And I don't know why you, I don't think that I bring his name or you brought his, because I brought the name up because I was work, you know, I just wanted to know some stuff.
Starting point is 00:46:15 But he was like, oh, yeah, dude. And you started, you were like, dude, we did some shit. And who doesn't want to hear that? Who doesn't want to hear fucking yeah, what someone goes, dude. And that was when you were still, you were up in the cellar, it was the other way, you know, by the way, it was very early on and we, you proceeded to talk about some, I don't know, some wheelbarrow sex. Right. No, you have to talk about where we would hold each other's feet. It was a weird time, man.
Starting point is 00:46:51 It was a weird time. And, yeah, anyways, there was a lot of shit. There's a lot of shit. And I immediately, some, I don't know how somebody heard this, somebody heard this fucking butt. One of you cock suckers. I know it's always one of you little motherfuckers who've ratted me out, heard it, went to the fucking guy.
Starting point is 00:47:13 Let's stupid Twitter that ruined the world and they, some, and then that's how it comes back to me. Dude, I got a phone call. This needs to come down now, or I'm going to lose everything. Like he had a corporate gig where it's like, it's going to go away. Like millions. Yeah, and this day and age, he would have already been out. And then the other one was with you.
Starting point is 00:47:39 I think was Ted was a Ted Alexander. Ted Alexander was when Occupied Wall Street was happening and he was an Occupyre. He was really into it. And this is what I learned that day. Occupyre's don't like it when you tell them what you're doing as fucking stupid. Oh, you told Ted that? Yeah, they'll react. We're in my kitchen.
Starting point is 00:48:00 We're going to do a really little in my kitchen. My wife's downstairs trying to be quiet. What they doing this podcast This fucking little tick tells Ted Alexander. He's you know, he's living in a tent down at Wall Street for a month and a half And he's doing this podcast and goes yeah, what you doing in you know Joe fuck what you doing is bullshit and he's well I'm gonna be clear. I do not approve of Wall Street or any of the dancers should they would do it I was just like Ted it's not gonna do anything They're just gonna keep it. It was just an history. It was just an impact right I was just like, Ted, it's not gonna do anything. They're just gonna keep you up. It was just an history. It was just an impact.
Starting point is 00:48:25 Right, I was 100% right. That was the most useless thing that was ever done. I was like, it's not gonna change anything. But why did me and you, why did you snap on me? You started, Bobby, we get into this zone sometimes, right? You like, it's gotta be funny, dude. Stop with the, you gotta be funny. And then I was like, fuck you, this is a, dude. Stop with the, you got to be funny.
Starting point is 00:48:47 And then I was like, fuck you. This is a good fucking conversation. We're having it. Well, it got real heated. It got real heated between those two. And I didn't want it to, I wanted it to be fun. I wanted to have fun. You wanted to be one of those fun occupy Wall Street debates. And how big of a fight was it between you and body?
Starting point is 00:49:07 Let me tell you something. We're fine. No, no, but I'm saying that that that that it was uncomfortable. We were screaming at each other. It was bad. I think at one point, you like fuck you. Do you still have this podcast? I have it.
Starting point is 00:49:21 Well, I think you should re-release this podcast. What do you guys think? I have. Yeah. Ted had just you should re-release this podcast. What do you guys think? Ted had just gotten arrested for handcuffing himself to one of the things. Oh, no shit. He wasn't in a great mood about that. And I told him, I'm like, what you're doing is stupid. It just started. It started as a debate because look, that was a shitty, that was a shitty time to be in New York. And I was hanging out in Brooklyn when it was when I lived there, but I was hanging out a lot in Brooklyn.
Starting point is 00:49:53 And Brooklyn, there were a lot of occupiers because go figure the most expensive burrow in New York is filled with a bunch of rich white kids who parents float them every fucking week for the rent and shit where they can go live in living apart for three weeks and a fucking time and I don't worry about food. Joe's not better. Go. Was there a lot of Dean and Deluca down at the fucking occupied Wall Street? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah their lunch. Yeah. So I was just getting into debates a lot with people down. And this was when it first, this was when this first started. But this is, but here's the thing is
Starting point is 00:50:29 that some podcasts I'll do that shit and talk about that serious fucked up. And we just, I just never did that. Number one, I don't know about, I don't know, a little Wall Street who's right or wrong. I just wanted to have fun.
Starting point is 00:50:43 And Joe loves, you love to argue. I love to argue. I love to argue. I started and I told Ted I go, dude, it's gonna be fun. We'll have a good time. It's not gonna be this, it's not gonna, we're not gonna be, you know what I mean? And it's like, oh cool, come on.
Starting point is 00:50:57 And then Joe goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, what the fuck did you do? It's like, I saw a fucking Ted's face just went red. I think he lost more hair. And I'm like, what the fuck, Joe? He started talking about it first to be fair. Okay. I think he brought up when you said, what have you been up to? He was doing a whole, right. And in hindsight, in this, I would have been like, whatever. I don't fight with people about shit like that anymore because it's stupid. And I'm right. But anyway. Do you see what I'm doing?
Starting point is 00:51:26 I'm kidding, I know, don't touch me. I do like it. But yeah, no, that got heated. But I was also pissed off because that was, this is when this first started. This was the first time super, like super, super liberal white kids. We're telling black people like what was there,
Starting point is 00:51:44 what their issue was and then they knew better than they did. And then it happened to me in a black front of mine in a club the week before this occupier chick was like, you can't say that. And I was like, well, Anton's black, he said it's fine. So who are you offended by right now? Who are you offended for? Anton is arguing against what you're saying. He's black, you're white. It's a black issue. And she was like, no, but what you're saying. He's black. You're white. It's a black issue and she was like No, but Anton you're wrong and it was like the fucking arrogance of it was I was just like and so I was all worked up from that Yeah, and I took it out on 10 unfairly
Starting point is 00:52:15 I took it out on 10 and then he took it out of me and then you let's not act like you were a fucking peach to get along with back in those days You you came at me pretty good. Here's the thing with me. I you can. Let me just. I know. I got. I got. I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying and joke and joke, but I feel like you've crossed the line and
Starting point is 00:52:46 you yell at me. When you yell at me, I can take it a couple of times. But then the that Boston kid who used to get beat up and theft of, you know, all that comes back and I'm like, fuck yeah. I've seen it. I mean, like when my stepfather used to just fucking throw me and I'd be like, then I found a hatch and I was like, motherfucker, that comes out. And that's what happened that day, dude,
Starting point is 00:53:08 I screamed at you in my house. I was like, fuck you, you motherfucker, fucking cock, sucker. And the thing about Joe, which bothers me, because you're an narrator to one thing. Like, is he's physically not threatening whatsoever to me. I will fucking annihilate him in two seconds, but he's not afraid of anything.
Starting point is 00:53:34 He's just back in my face. Usually somebody yells at you like that, you're like dude, relax. He's like fuck you too. Like he can knock me out and it didn't make sense to me. I'm for Boston, if you do that, if someone bitches you out, you're like, I do it, I'm sorry, relax.
Starting point is 00:53:50 If that person could kill you, you kind of take that at face value that he might because I've been punched, I've been hit. Joe doesn't matter to him. He'll get fucking punched in the face, he doesn't give a fuck. You've done that at strip clubs. Steve bullying.
Starting point is 00:54:05 Hashtag. But I've also seen you. I've seen you get really angry at you. What? Vegas. I'm kidding. I did. Hey, you? No, no, not at me. We had a, we had a con. I used to have a show in Vegas. I didn't show in Vegas for a long time. And I used to have a lot of New York comics come out,
Starting point is 00:54:24 Patrice, you came out every year. And there was a comic that went up because we used to go and we just have an MC. And then we had a middle. And then we'd have the headliner. We were doing two shows. We do two shows on Friday, two shows on Saturday. So we had a time limit. And people were back then were paying like 50 bucks a ticket.
Starting point is 00:54:44 Today, I don't know what it would, but it was like crazy. But it was a really busy show at the Palm Sotel when the palms was a really hip casino. And we had a middle that was supposed to go up and do 20 minutes. And he did 35 or 40 minutes because he was, he was doing well, but he literally literally literally went up and did handering clock sucker did, did 40 minutes and I handering clock sucking hack with there. And I, and I had to tell Tommy, I mean, I had to tell Bobby, I had to tell Bobby, call me Tommy. No, no, I had to tell Bobby before he went up, I go, Bobby, you, you got it, you got it, I got to cut 15 minutes. I got to, I got to cut 15 minutes
Starting point is 00:55:25 because we have to end at this certain time. And he was like, he's like, I got it, I got it. And he went up. And to this day, you are still one of the funniest people I've ever met in my life on stage. Thank you. And I mean that for my heart. So one of the, the great, I've never seen you not kill.
Starting point is 00:55:41 But you went up and you did your set and you walked backstage and there's a comic and I'm not going to say his name because that's not fair. But I went, I think they deserve it, but there was a comic and you went up to him and you literally pushed him against the wall. And I think you pushed him up. Are you, I know you got into his face up in the way I'm very angry. And you were like mother fucker. And that's how you started with mother fucker. And it was like if you ever fucking do that again, I will fucking take you out. I was mad. I was really mad.
Starting point is 00:56:14 I didn't have art. Art Vodka. Art Vodka. He ran the light. No, no, what did they got to do with Bobby? Did that? He just was like, Oh, man, I'm sorry. Okay. I'm like you who go fuck you. No, he actually, he is a year ago. But he actually, he's not no fear bugs me. I don't have it anymore. What? That no fear.
Starting point is 00:56:35 Trust me, I'm afraid. I know I'm not welcome on this fucking room anymore. I'm coming to terms with you. Wow. Oh, you man. Bobby's feet. Oh, mama. Oh, mama. Bobby, thank you. Thank you terms with you. Wow. Oh, you man. Bobby's face.
Starting point is 00:56:45 Oh, no. Bobby, thank you. Thank you. Bobby's face. It's fresh. And you do have that buzz. Every one time you screamed at me, because we were, we were, we were,
Starting point is 00:56:54 we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were,
Starting point is 00:57:02 we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were him. Yeah, we wrote a book to him. But the script, something about the script process was particularly fucking miserable. And we would have to do these Skype meetings, because Bob was here, Bob was in New York, or I was on the road or whatever. But I remember Bob was on the road. I was in here, whatever it was. I remember being on Skype one day. And Bob, reiterating why an idea of his was good. Like a couple times in a row. And I was in the bedroom and I go,
Starting point is 00:57:28 All right, Bob, we get it. And do you scream that me? So, yeah. I was at my buddy's place. He looked over it like, what the fuck is going on over the thing? I was screaming at a computer. Yeah, I little grabbed my computer
Starting point is 00:57:42 and I almost bent in. I'm like, Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it most bent in it. You can see the screen, you can see the screen jiggling because he was fucking poking it. Right? I think I remember the burgos. I called burr and I go, I called burr after I go, can you believe he fucking yelled at me like that? Because the rosa, you basically grabbed him by the lapels. He goes, can't do that with a boss. That's like, yeah. I think rage, I don't know why rage is a bad thing.
Starting point is 00:58:13 It feels so good. It just feels to, you know what I mean? Like when I landed and that guy bumped into me and said, and he said, look out, I should have went, you fucking look out, you fuck, and took his phone and smashed it. Now you pay attention, you fucking cocksucker. He would have never been addicted to somebody again. I truly believe that.
Starting point is 00:58:36 I believe bullying, not, well, let's not say bullying, let's say threatening people's lives. Work's, you can't hit kids. I get not hitting kids, but you should be able to threaten adults with physical violence. That's not, that's not bullying at all. No, I don't know. No. I think fear is, fear is your friend.
Starting point is 00:59:01 Yeah. You should have some fear. You would never go to a lion and smack it in the face. Yeah. You know, like, you know, it's like, it's like, I was bitch about millennials, no? Because I'm like, I'm like, I'm nothing against millennials. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:14 You're here. Yeah. You have nothing against good looking kids that get everything. And don't take, don't listen to now. Say no, the test, I go, your parents fucked you up. Your parents, yeah. I don't, and I went to high school with them. They fucking suck.
Starting point is 00:59:28 Okay. But my whole thing with my nails is like, guys, you were raised to live in this world that you think ought to exist. It's like walking through a line field to be like, there just shouldn't be landmines. Yeah, I have, but they're fucking armed. I know, people are landmines.
Starting point is 00:59:44 You know what I mean? I grew up and I grew up in a, in my family, my mom beat the shit out of us. My mom, my mom, my mom. Oh, I mean, not just my mom had a paddle that said fuck psychology. Oh, literally had a wooden pallet said fuck psychology. And my, my, my pediatricians say, Kathy, if you're going to hit him with this, you have anything above the knees, I have to report. So I look like a soccer player. She would hit you in the shins. Yeah. Yeah, dude. It was back in the 70s, dude. My mom used to hit us with, I
Starting point is 01:00:19 mean, she would reach in a kitchen drawer and grab whatever she could grab. Yeah. Fuck ice cream scooper didn't fucking matter, man. She just start tagging us with it. My mom punched me into a hamper. My mom punched me into a hamper. My mom had a teflon spoon that had a nick out of the end of it. And if we ever saw that thing come out, you ran for your fucking life because that's the thing.
Starting point is 01:00:41 But there's a difference between your mom hitting you and your stepdad beating you Well my mom hit me. There was something Here we go My mom love me. I knew she loved me. So when she beat the shit out of me It was to teach me something when my stepdad punched me in the stomach because I was five minutes late and then threw me down to fly the stairs That's not good. Yeah, no, I agree with you there. I mean, the two worst beatings that's what you say to your step dad.
Starting point is 01:01:11 I, I went, why? And I cried. I was fucking in second grade, dude. He was six four. Okay. Yeah, he threw me down to flight upstairs. I was down the stairs going, what I do, what I do. And my mom wasn't home because she had to work because we never, I was down the stairs going, what I do, what I do. And my mom wasn't
Starting point is 01:01:25 home because she had to work because we never, it was a sad life. That's why I want to hug right now. Not from you, from him. Yeah. The worst, the worst two meetings, the worst two meetings I ever got with one of them was by called my mom a bitch one time. You should, you should get that one. One time ever I called and I swear to God, my dad was cutting wood in the basement with a band song. And the song was going like, and I was like, why are you being such a fucking bitch?
Starting point is 01:01:54 We were upstairs. And the song I heard he go, woo. I don't know how the fuck he heard me. He came up with a piece of fucking wood in one hand and he was fucking jammed and be with Jesus Christ. And then the second worst being here I got was when I told him I tried to fight my dad and he showed me real fucking quick.
Starting point is 01:02:17 Really? I punched my stepdad one time and I hit him. He was, I used to have a stepdad that drank a lot, got a little physical, not in a nice way. And what kind of way? I said, not in a nice way, not in a nice way. But he like pushed me one time and I was like 16 or something and I fucking hit him in the face. And as soon as I hit him in the face, I looked at him and I was like, oh, fuck, that was a bad idea. And I ran down the stairs out of the house
Starting point is 01:02:48 and just kept fucking running and ran for like three miles to my friends house to stay there for four days. My stepdad, my stepdad, the last time he hit me, he punched me, I got a fucking knife and I chased him around the house with it. And then I got a hatchet. And I learned that day that violence works.
Starting point is 01:03:08 So maybe this is why we're not more successful because we were all beaten by our fathers. Yeah. And I'm deserved it. I appreciate the beating sense of my dad's is the most great student of mine. Yeah, but that is a different thing. Yeah, it's like, I don't really know.
Starting point is 01:03:25 But I have, I'm the only one out of you two have a kid, because I'm not selfish. And I created life or just not crafty enough to pull out. Well, you're not yummy fucking. Yeah, if I pull out my whole life, I'm an expert. I pull out like a fucking monograph float, just throwing my gizz all over a fucking face I'll over the wall on a shoe like the beginning of the love boat just fucking
Starting point is 01:03:53 Remember the beginning of the love boat they throw stuff off me that whatever Not him that's fantasy island you're fucking crack addict Yeah, I've I've I don't hit my kid. Well, yeah, I don't yell at my kid. I've yelled at him a couple times when he almost died, but I don't even yell at my kid now. Yeah, well, it's good. Yeah, it's good. It's the only way you can't do it anymore. You can't hit a kid anymore. They're kids are too hip hit two it they'll call social services on. Yeah. That's going to be it. That's why I don't want to be a parent, not because I can't hit the kid.
Starting point is 01:04:32 But you know, I got a little bit of a temper, so I'm scared. I don't want the scrutiny of other parents in my life. I would like to not hit, I'd like to shake them. I wish you would. Just fucking, and just go stop it. But I think you would. Just fucking and just go stop it. But does your, does your, does your son, does he fear you a little bit? No, no, I mean, I don't mean, I don't mean afraid. No, it doesn't, I mean, does he see that?
Starting point is 01:04:57 No, no, no, he doesn't. He sees you when you're saying art, bark in your head. Does he, does he, does he know that's going on at the time? No, I, I, he's, my son has never seen that. Does he know that's going on at the time? No, I, I, he's, my son has never seen that. Does he know, does he know where the work are, where the work are, where the work are. He's never seen that rage. Yeah. He's never seen that.
Starting point is 01:05:14 And even me and my wife, we don't fight like that anymore. We don't have fights like that. And if we ever have an argument that's away from the kid, he's never, I've never given him fear. You know what I mean? Which I'm proud of. I've never given him fear. You know what I mean? Which I'm proud of. I've never given him that. What the fuck? I'm scared of someone. He just never fucked up bad enough yet that you know, it's just I learned you got to, you know, it's funny. You can just go, I'm going to count to five and something psychological in your head
Starting point is 01:05:41 goes, I got to get there. You got it. Seriously, there's something in your head goes, I gotta get there. You gotta, seriously, there's something in your head when somebody goes, I'm gonna count. You're like, I gotta win, alright? I remember when I was a kid, my friends were going through the subway and one of my friends was like, dude, let's see you can get through the subway thing. The fastest, Bobby, you go first, one, two, and I just ran through it and I go, I'm through.
Starting point is 01:06:00 And it was an old subway part and it was closed and it was only one way. So I was locked in this fucking and they were like, ah, it was just, it's he counted. I was like, I gotta do it. I'm gonna win. And I was stuck there for two hours. They had to go get some guy with an old key from the 20s. So it was awful.
Starting point is 01:06:21 That was Jesus. All right, listen, we're gonna wrap this up. But we're gonna to wrap this up. Well, we got to go, right? Is that what all the heads are in the back, right? What? What? What?
Starting point is 01:06:31 Okay, we tell me when we're going to wrap it up. Okay, go, so listen, here's the thing I wanted to bring up real quick. Dude, Austin, can we talk about that then? Dude, I was on the podcast today, the Liars Club. Did you hear about this? No. What's his name? Austin?
Starting point is 01:06:50 Richard Bryan Jr. was on this thing. And it's when you tell a story, one's true, one's a lie. And he told a story where he fucked Sam Kinnison in the ass. How old is he? He's old. Okay. And that was the true story. Really?
Starting point is 01:07:14 Wait a second, say that. That puts another timeline. That's like, that's like time just split for people, right? That's like an alternate universe. Like, what? I'm not living in the world I thought I was living in. I mean, Austin, come here. Where is she here? She's doing her set. Oh, she's doing a set. Get up here. Is that true? Yeah. This is not a fat, a fat rob Schneider, by the way. Sorry. I wish I were. I don't have any fat Adam Sandler, so unfortunately,
Starting point is 01:07:41 but look at him. Does it look like an old civil war doll? A little fucking round-eyed guy. You come here, it didn't. Stop covering your touch. You chop me deal with it. I'll represent that Mike Kaut to shirt you motherfucker. That's right. Buddy here.
Starting point is 01:07:59 Yeah. Anyway, Richard Prior, Jr. Yeah, he was on and I guess the Carl the Bove who was a regular here at the Comedy Store suggested that Richard Prior, Jr. Yeah, he was on and I guess the Carl LeBove, who was a regular here at the Comedy Store, suggested that Richard Prior, Jr. was hot to him and told Sam Kennisin, this are Sam Kennisin's like, well, then I got to get this guy to bang me in the butthole. So next thing you know, there are Sam Kennis's house and they would go on like Coke benches for three days at a time, which apparently in the 80s at the comedy store, that was not like even something to wink at. Yeah, it's like me going on a chicken wing bench now. Exactly. So they ended up banging in the butt. And Richard Pryor asked, uh, Richard Pryor Jr. I should say,
Starting point is 01:08:37 ask Sam Kenson, dude, can we at least like put some porn on or something and Sam said, you got to have porn to fuck me, dude. And he said, well, yeah, have you seen yourself lately? and Sam said, you got to have porn to fuck me dude. And he said, well, yeah, have you seen yourself lately? And, but they fucked. So you're not that bad. That'd be like me and you fucking. Well, these two have these two had no variety, but yeah, it'd be. Now, now, do you now now now let me ask you this, are you there
Starting point is 01:09:07 for the, nobody would get me, you fuck, we just be gay. Do you, do you think that's a true story? That's what he's saying. The guy, no, but you were there. You were there. I watched the video of him saying it. Bobby was not there for the Richard Brian. I watched the podcast. You can watch the name of it again. The Lyres Club. I watched the fucking podcast. He's at it and it's just like, wow. I mean, who gives a fuck?
Starting point is 01:09:34 I don't care that they were fucking back then, I guess. Well, and he told two lie. I told two stories and the first one was that he gave somebody a blowjob in this very bathroom in the comedy store and he didn't give up a name for that. He said, well, it's a comic, but I don't want to say, but he had no problem saying that he fucks him. I'm can't send him the butt. So, right. Pretty sure that that was a fact. And who was on stage that was going to corroborate or whatever? That was going to corroborate the, he goes as she here, you go, she's the host Jessica Wellington of the.
Starting point is 01:10:02 Jessica, yeah. Yeah. Workshared the comments. Okay. Yeah. Isn't that mental? Isn't that crazy? Not that surprise weird. What? But yeah. But I mean, but who would fuck Sam Kinnison? I just don't just yell on that me. You take no big and small.
Starting point is 01:10:21 It's small. It's in my ass. Now Joe, I can't feel it. Is it in? Just so we're clear, no part of that looks like a woman at all. That is all fucking hairy man in that fucking dude. Yeah, but you don't fucking for sex. You fucking for the story. You fucking to go, dude, guess what? I don't know. I lean into your son while you're fishing. Let's son, come here. What's up, dad?
Starting point is 01:10:44 I fuck Sam Kenisan. I think I would just make up a story and not fuck Sam Kenisan. My kid would be like, what? I'd be like, I fucked him, did you? Yeah. Well, I'll pass that on to his kid. Watching Sam Kenisan on TV.
Starting point is 01:11:00 Yeah, pop, fuck, damn. His biography is so crazy that I'm like, hearing about that, that's not that shocking to me That sexuality back then was not a big dude. They just fucked a prior fuck dudes. Yeah, well our host Police and Michaels was here at that time performing at the comedy store and she said what that time in the 80s like it was just Hang on stop. Listen. I just want to hear what we would never gonna have I just want to hear what we would never going to have. So put his really going off. Yeah, there's a there's a how many seats does that fill downstairs 360 downstairs right now.
Starting point is 01:11:32 We're up here with fucking 28. We love you, Bobby. I love you guys too more than you know. It's like a meeting of the head vampires. Well, just so you know, this is the busiest show I've been on in month and a half. So thanks guys. Hey, there you go. That's what this podcast is all about.
Starting point is 01:11:52 We might not be the biggest. We might not be the best. But with a God damn one that tries a lot. But I'll never, I'll never, I'm the frequent. I I swear to God we'll keep doing this. I'll bury this in the dirt I'll have you'll be my last fan you and the old guy I don't buy that that there was that was going on and that was normal because I was around in the fucking exit That shit was not normal. Yeah, you know a Patrick Dempsey around in the fucking exit shit was not normal. You know what Patrick Dempsey?
Starting point is 01:12:24 Yeah, you were hanging out with hot actors, wheelbarrowing fucking black actors that just wanted to shot. You're the guy's ankles, man. Yeah, you fucking hashtag me too. But we weren't, but wasn't like banging dudes was like, like, you know. Yeah, because you guys are busses.
Starting point is 01:12:40 You don't have the balls to fucking bang a dude. You're friends with. It's right around the corner, dude. Yeah, you were out. It's in another fucking neighborhood, man. It's not around the corner. Now it's your next door neighbor. I think if you fuck that much eventually, you know,
Starting point is 01:12:56 I love that excuse. I do it. I fuck so much. I just go to suck a dick. Look, that's not the thing. If you want to suck a dick, it's because you want a second dick. You don't, you don't have, you don't just change sexuality because you had too much.
Starting point is 01:13:10 It's not like ham, okay? I don't have had ham all week. I'd love some chicken. You don't build up to it. You want it in your rump or your don't. Say it something, guys. Some guys want it from birth like that. But other guys, I think it's China. that, but other guys I think get China.
Starting point is 01:13:26 Yeah, I look at man, you're a sexual, you're a sexuality is you don't either you like a little, you know, you want to play with little ballsies in your hands and, you know, take a little helmet, pop it in your mouth. I hear that. Oh, you don't. I'm going to take a steak. We're on the map. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:43 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah to take the steak. There were, yeah, we on the map, chick thing, where he's like, he talks about how it builds and builds. Next thing you know, you're having three ways, you got two chick thing on each other. Yeah. Yeah. Because you just need more. Yep.
Starting point is 01:13:54 That has nothing to do with Dicks and balls of India bummer. That has to do with one chick and going, I got a, I got a fucking, I got a, get her sister to do it. I got a, I got a have a piss on me. Let her shit in my chest. Not, not the, not the uncle that molested her, fuck me in the ass. That's not the one her sister to do it. I got to I got to have a piss of me. Let her shit in my chest. Not not not the uncle that molested her fuck me in the ass. That's not the one you want to do. Wait, what happened? No, I don't touch me on that one. What the fuck? I had taken it too far. You made the old pervert fucking quince on that. You were talking about two got you know getting
Starting point is 01:14:20 her sister involved and I was like, well, any sister that's fucking a sister probably had an uncle that touched her in a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, I'm not, I think with some people it can. No. So if you're doing a transgender girl, are you doing a reach around?
Starting point is 01:14:46 If you're fucking talented, you're a sucker dick, huh? I will sucker dick. Yeah. What it gets down now, how the fuck is so progressive, huh? Now now you're gonna get all fucking unprogressive on me, you cuck suckers. It really clamped up on you. Well, you said it with such anger. I will suck her dick.
Starting point is 01:15:07 They're like, what? Why men doing nothing in this town? I just... We're finished. I thought I'd suck her. Like, Bailey J. I've told Bailey J straight up and down. I told Bailey J.
Starting point is 01:15:20 Kissfucker. Who's she so? Who's Bailey J? Bailey J is the hottest, transsexual porn star on Mother Earth. There's a video of her and I suggest she go to her Twitter and scroll down and find it. She's on a treadmill and her boobs are out and she's walking and it slowly pans down and her fucking post of a Jolice coming out of her fucking side of her cotton trunks.
Starting point is 01:15:50 And it's just whopping. But do good, do good, do good, go, go, go, go. It's hypnotizing. I've watched it 900 times. Fucking hypnotizing. Beautiful. Yeah, she's got a beautiful deck. My dick is so small.
Starting point is 01:16:04 What are you going to do? What What are you gonna do? I don't know. Hide. What you're married. It's over. I know. You don't need a big dick. I got a little bit of love. What do you care? I can't even like say I want to say I wanted to say I wanted to go like with it. Say I was here. Shut up. I'm trying to work this out. It's being recorded. Fuck faces. My wife, my dear. This say I was he shut up. I'm trying to work this out. It's being recorded, fuck faces. My wife, my dear, say I wanted to experiment with a female. I couldn't even go with one now. You can't do it anyway, because you're married.
Starting point is 01:16:32 Say fucking party poop or whatever. You get to suck all the dick and I don't. I'm single. That's the choice I made. Fucking NJ. I sleep alone with an island, but I get stuck all the dick. I want to do it.
Starting point is 01:16:44 It's the trade-offs He's not in I don't really for a second all he did was hold the guys ankles. I know he held his ankles right in his mouth Sorry, there's no way you made it out of the 80s without taking a guy You didn't get a teen wolf, the original without fucking poppin' that fucking. You know what it was fucking, young boys, that can't achieve the where-was movie? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, there's no way you weren't fucking it.
Starting point is 01:17:15 You ain't get fucked. Ah! Ah! Ah! I'm J-Fuck! I'm Brian Michael J on the fucking swing. Yeah, you got fucked. What was it, can camp on me love?
Starting point is 01:17:26 Yeah, they can. They buy your little boy love on a young age. Courtney Sognick. Courtney Godrade. Courtney Godrade. You didn't think I was gonna switch it up then? You guys, they got themselves singing Courtney Godrade. They were like, we can't think I was going to switch it up. Then you guys, and I got themself singing.
Starting point is 01:17:45 But he got raped. They were like, we can't do that. All right. Listen, we got to wrap this fucker up, man. Hey, man, this has really been, I mean, serious. Yeah, this club, the growth in this club and the kid who took it over and everybody who kind of changed it up. It's pretty amazing to see how fucking epic.
Starting point is 01:18:05 I mean, the lineups are nuts. We used to, I used to look at the seller and be like, this is crazy. And now you can look at these lineups and it's the same shit. And look at man, the fucking killing it. Everybody on there is fucking murdering and doing great. So it's pretty cool to be at the comedy store and see it at its prime again.
Starting point is 01:18:24 You know, I mean, I love that you both had run-ins with Tommy, the old booker here who was fucking, he was really, I'll tell you my favorite story ever about him was that he forgot he packed. Exactly. Yeah. Well, he literally, he was here one night and he talked, he'd do in the whole journey speech and everything and Jim Jeffries was downstairs in the back patio. And he was talking to Jim Jeffries and Jim was just standing there, you know, smoking
Starting point is 01:18:50 a cigarette and he went to the whole thing, man, you know, this is such a journey, man. He does this whole thing, the whole speech. It takes about five minutes, you know, the whole thing. And then he goes and in Jim's like, okay, okay, okay. And then he walks away and Jim just goes I didn't understand a fucking word. He just said Said the same thing to me. I know I got on I think Monster Bronnie got me up I killed and then I walked I had a go to talk to him and hey man
Starting point is 01:19:20 That was great and you know, man. Thanks for being on this journey with us and the comedy. And I'm sitting there like, and I'm like, and I go, all right, whatever the fuck this is, I go, I can't do this, dude. I just can't. This is a scene that I didn't rehearse for. I go, I go, I can't do this,
Starting point is 01:19:40 because I'm gonna have to go, oh yeah, it's a gen, I go, and my end of not, he goes, well, we'll see. I go, I'll see you later, goodbye. The last two times I've ever talked to him, the first time he said, you don't do the road. I need comics here to do the road.
Starting point is 01:19:52 I go, do the road all the time. And he goes, I know you do. You got to, but this is why it sucks. It sucks me. You got to love him because we have these stories. Yeah, you know what I mean? And then the second time I talked to him, he came up and scolded me for too many comedians telling him that I should be working at the club. Oh, fuck that. He scolded me for that. Well, it's good.
Starting point is 01:20:13 Adam E. gets here now. He's a good dude. Adam's great guy. Great fucking guy. He's really great. He's killing it. But you know, but it's also the hotspot. It's tough. But it's also like they've done a lot like they change this room around a lot. They've they've improved the club. The GM here. He's done an amazing. Nice guy. I met him. Eric's fucking the best. Yeah. Don't touch him. Don't touch him. Sorry. And I say this. This is the coolest thing about the store to me. All right. This is a jerk off session. Now, I mean, I just wanted to say nice place. Let's move on. Let's go from Comedy Seller. All right. a nice place. Let's move on. I'm from Comedy Seller, right? Is it a girl jerking off? Is it a crusher? No, it's not. No, you can't stop you fucking home. Let's go. Sorry, can I say that? I'm sorry. Sorry.
Starting point is 01:20:55 You better get a dad out of here. Keep working. No one's going to listen to this. No, I won't say this. The coolest thing about the story is, it truly is a, they truly make it a home for comedies. Even though I'm not on the wall, they welcome me, they make drinks, they do sense. No, you are welcome here. You're welcome. But I will say this all.
Starting point is 01:21:18 I gotta thank you for you got me in the cellar, which was like a huge deal. Jesus Christ. Dude, why would you do that? What? You're fucking piece of garbage. for you got me in the cellar. Yes. Which was like a huge deal. Jesus Christ. Why would you do that? What? You're fucking piece of garbage. Don't worry, I'll be leaning on you in about a month when I'm back in New York.
Starting point is 01:21:33 You want to get in the cellar? Yeah, you can tell me that for six fucking months. Well, get better. You can. Oh, fuck you. Now it's real. It was a joke. Hey. Listen, stop. stop all right you freaking me out
Starting point is 01:21:50 Nice grab me back man, this was really fun dude. I couldn't think of anybody else had one on this fucking thing Plus you are the only one in town that's it. Yeah No, I'm kidding you know, I fucking love you and I miss you so much and I'm kidding. You know I fucking love you and I miss you so much and You did it. I did this you did that. Oh, you went like I did this I like that like high five. It's on tape you both did it you both did it stop And boy, yeah, you got it Quentin, thank you for coming on. You guys, thanks for coming out to this podcast and showing up and me as the world. And we'll see you guys next week.
Starting point is 01:22:33 Tomorrow night, you fuckers better come. Island Park. He's giving everybody a ride. Him and the old guy have a van. You have a van, right, sir? I would imagine you have some van. No, and they give it a round. You guys are the best. Thanks, thanks.
Starting point is 01:22:50 Take care. Oh! Oh! You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.
Starting point is 01:23:07 Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Shining. Shining. Shining. You

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