Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Long Island Barbecue
Episode Date: July 25, 2016This week on YKWD: We have Anthony Cumia, Joe List, Mark Normand, and Tim Dillon! Anthony is BACK! A return many months in the making! We talk a little about the times we've brawled, stints in rehab..., and above ground pools in Long Island! Plus, we watch Deepu's awful videos. Watch / Listen and Enjoy! RiotCast.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar.
A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa.
Hay que ponerse modo de racón.
¿Eres un dragón?
Soy el dragón de Fireball.
Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball.
Bien, frÃo.
Yo, pues al lÃo.
Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica.
Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night.
Con fireball.
Disfruta de un consumo responsable.
33 grados.
¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's?
Y no lo sé, dude.
¡On the Riotcast Network!
Riotcast.com.
Robert.
Welcome to the funniest podcast.
Why is this a fun to do?
Is this going to be a costifier?
This podcast. You know what yours?? This is gonna be a cost-defying. It's a podcast.
You know what, yours.
I'm not gonna micass Hall.
I'm sure I've already said, should I regret it?
Can I get a mic?
No.
That was trying to keep it like a comic-ass.
I have a bunch of eyes on.
It's just us sitting down and he happens.
Sometimes it's hilarious.
Sometimes it's sad to know the topic.
No directions.
I love doing it.
Play both sides of the coin.
That's how the host does you, motherfucker.
On the day you think my podcast is popular,
I might affect some of these lines.
You never know.
It's Web with Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com. Alright, we're fucking live.
You know, shit's happening with the audio.
One again.
What?
Why?
I don't know, stuff's happening with this fucking, there's something playing over the playing
something, but.
Ah shit.
Yeah, what do you get to do?
It never goes right.
It never does. It's's amazing we have like nine
people well fucking here touching shit but it's okay I don't worry about it fuck it you got it right
you're good yeah my department's all we have to worry about is depot this is just for me to look
like I'm doing something right because I have control issues this computer is literally just
control issues we've never used the audio for audio for that source for like two months.
It's a kindle.
Yeah.
You guys are kindling probably.
You don't have to fucking tell me that.
I'm just proud that I've saved the show every week.
Oh, yeah.
Technically.
Yeah.
Not funny, wise.
I used to save that about two years ago.
People, you look like you beefed up a little.
You work at home.
I've been working at five days a week for about five days I'm really good at noticing changes in people
I appreciate that I really am yeah he yeah he does and he'll never have abs
he yeah yeah yeah he's over there I think no no he's over here because Joe oh boy
so here let's go through where is Scopeio? Right here. Here he is. All right, let's go through this line up here from
what did you hit the camera? The camera, yes. It's all right. You're just a dumb dumb.
Thank you. But it's all right. Let's go through the list. Let's introduce our guests.
The list? Oh wow. First got to my list. Joe list everybody. Did you mention that I had the
number one album in America up until today when it dropped to number two?
I think he just did. I want you to. What's your?
Have the number one album in America until today
That's actually only those iTunes things are only regional for New York. That's not true in Chicago. It's different
Yeah, well, it was number one in Chicago to coming in at number two regionally
Never heard of say that Anthony's back. Hey Bobby Kelly. I'm pleasure to be here. We got Anthony
Kumia. Yes, but we did we did back to back. I did your show you do my show. It's how this shit works You wash my back. I wash your back
Well, that's much nicer come on
And of course who else do we got? The other half of two days with stories, Mark Norman.
Hey, hey, gonna be back, gonna be here, gonna be alive.
I'm gonna be, I'm gonna train you over my car today.
That's what I hear.
I know, you're all red faced, working out and...
I mean, deep poo, five times a week.
He's been getting red faces.
We got the next guest.
Oh, shit!
Wow!
I'm sorry, thank you.
What are you gonna say?
He's the fucking true.
He's quick.
He's quick.
You got two fucking quick assholes.
You got three.
You got three of the fastest son of a bitch as I know.
And then Deepu's on fire today too.
He hit me on Twitter.
I'm in trouble.
Yeah, you're in trouble.
What's going on, red face?
I didn't much.
Thank you for having me.
Good to be back. Good to have you back, dude
You know you were a little late today. Yeah, I apologize. What happened? I was blowing somebody in a park
Nice day out, you know, it's a nice day and
Careful we got flack on a podcast right
Yeah, but sitting on a guy's dick and we got some hate from it. What are you talking about some guy was like? Hey, your fans don't want to hear a guy follow me on Twitter though because he said hey
Ah a fat gay guy's gross and I wrote back agreed but a thin one that's cool and he's like L.O.L
And then followed me
So that's great. We had a guy that didn't tag and he's like hey, you're gonna go well you mean you don't want to hear
And then another guy was like hey, it's fucking disgusting and he goes what are you trying to pander to the left?
No, man
I'm talking about selling subprime mortgages
and talking about how great bankrupting the whole country was.
No one cared about that now.
He does a 10 minute Trump speech
and the guy's like, you're trying to pander to the left,
you homo.
And I'm like, I'm having an unapologetic Republican
scream about Trump.
Anthony's dick just got hard.
Right, yeah.
That tweet was for no.
No.
So let's introduce the people on the couch too long ago
Yeah, because we that's the way we do and why what a fucking asshole that they're here father and son father and son
Terry from Texas Eric from Texas Johnny
Johnny
Johnny what's up guys you guys flew in from Texas just for the show right?
Basically, yeah, oh no shit I thought I was just fucking around.
Anything going on down there lately?
Yeah.
I've done for years from Dallas.
Oh, yeah.
Are you really from Dallas?
Yeah.
All right, man.
Wow, well, welcome to the show, guys.
Thanks for coming in.
Love some prayers, thoughts and prayers.
He has that fucking Dallas man bracelet, too, leather
with fucking steel. I love that. I was one of those
We got we got somebody else downstairs too, right? You check the bull guy. Yeah, I think I'm Keith was like
All right, whatever it's like
He was in on Anthony show
Why's it let him in on his show? I know but Anthony Kumi fans. They're good solid
I should let him in on his shoulder. I know, but Anthony Cumie fans, they're good solid people.
Yeah, they're fucking...
Something that everyone in the studio's armed over at my studio.
But no shenanigans or high jinks going on over there.
No, there's nothing.
There's a lot of candy though.
Candy, keeps people at bay, yeah.
Is that what it is?
Now you just get out of rehab.
We didn't talk about that in your show.
I did.
We didn't really talk about it.
You went to rehab.
We touched on it a little bit.
But you get out of rehab. But it seemed like, I mean, my rehab was a fucking, it was all guys, 25 men,
sleeping in fucking bunk beds, doing, you know, groups and meetings all day. You couldn't
fraternize with women for a year and two months. Probably because you needed rehab.
Yeah, you know.
All right, well I'm glad rehab worked.
I don't have a problem.
Yeah, no, that's good.
I'm sure you never heard that in the fucking meeting.
Oh, it's fantastic.
No, it was just one of the high errands.
Actually, it was referred to me by Arty Lang.
Arty was my reference.
Right. Did he give you Arty bucks? referred to me by a arty lang arty was my reference right
they are you
did he give you arty bucks
arty bucks to spend down there
no they like revere his room
room eight and it was like this is where arty stay
the loose your room
it's like yeah
yeah
it's the wide door so they don't have to knock a ball down to get the body out
yeah they revere him down there.
It's a pocket door.
So I was like, yeah, I'll go down there.
So how long will you be there for?
The standard 30 days.
I went on five days of detox.
But you know when you go to rehab, you're not supposed to go on, go now.
It's good time.
But it was.
Like I had a lot of fun.
I know people were very cool. You
know, yeah, five days in detox, where I hadn't had anything to drink quite a few days prior
to even going to detox. And then they have you, you know, breathalyze and it was a zero zero.
And then like, well, you got to take this because we don't want you to have a seizure during
detox. I'm like, I'm not detox, don't worry about it. Like, no, you have to. And they
gave me a Xanax. And I sit there and I don't take Xanx. I drink some wine at beer.
And then I sat on the couch 20 minutes later. I am fucked up. This is my first foray into rehab.
I get their stone cold solver and they fucked me up within 20 minutes. I was just
every time that little bell rang and I was like, yeah, more, more. I'm just
pointing to my finger
when the door opened in the wall and the
medit clockboard orange.
Yeah, it was a great, felt great.
Really?
It was good.
They sent me off to the rehab facility
and it was in West Palm Beach, right on the beach.
Wow.
It was beautiful pool.
It was co-ed.
There were guys and girls there.
And it was, it was, it was,
It was a push, push, see, it's a push. I could have if it wasn't-ed, there were guys and girls there, and it was, it was, it was, it was, I could have, if it wasn't like that,
it was the next worst thing you could do
than just drinking in front of the staff,
was any kind of contact with any of the,
a girl like was humping me in the pool.
She's like, I want to twerk on you,
and she flips over on her stomach in the water
and wraps her legs around me,
and I see a couple of people looking
this old drug addict from Texas and some other shit.
And within an hour, one of the staff members are like,
is there something you need to report from the pool?
They're all up there.
Like, no, we dealt with it.
It's cold, don't worry.
I came in the filter.
Yeah, the fucking skimmer looks like egg drop soup.
But, a fun clean in there. Yeah, but for the most looks like egg drop soup. So, a fun clean in there.
Yeah, it was, but for the most part, everybody was cool.
I had a roommate for the first time in the ever.
He couldn't even jerk off.
Yeah, he jerked me off.
It was fucking, no, it was such an odd thing.
Are you lying?
Now, come here.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was just a weird kind of thing.
I just resigned myself to the fact that I was there
for 30 fucking days and I was gonna go into
the counseling sessions and group and hear these
horrific stories, 40-year-old men crying
about their lives and their kids.
And I'm just like, I don't have one of these stories.
I'm just sorry.
It was just like fucking guys in there going to do it.
I lost my job.
I had arrested. Yeah, I got a fucking arrested.. I'm just sorry. It was just like fucking guys in there going to do it. I lost my job. I had arrested.
They lost everything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got a fucking arrested.
I got a fucking accused.
Oh, wait a second.
Sorry.
That's actually your story.
I lost my job twice.
I've lost sex and then fucking.
Oh, really?
Wait a minute.
Dude, I didn't have that story.
I did.
My story was much worse.
Not like theirs.
Were they tweeters as well?
Yeah, yeah, tweeting.
That's what, and then when they kind of,
even the counselor kind of realized like,
I didn't have a lot of bad drinking story.
They just didn't have them.
They don't have blackout stories.
My family, who they get in touch with when you're down there.
They call your family and kind of,
you know, try to get shit out of them.
And they're like, you know, when,
when Anthony was drinking, how would it affect and maybe embarrass the family and Joe's just like he don't need to drink to embarrass the family
Read the fucking papers
Watch his karaoke at three in the morning by himself like
three in the morning by himself. I'm just him and Fred from Brooklyn.
All his friends have just Twitter names.
He doesn't know their real names.
Just Fred from Brooklyn.
I won't have any family on my death pet.
It'll be fucking big a stuttering over my heart rate monitor.
And we'll get on with it.
Can I freak? I mean, has anyone one else has been their rehab right? I want to read you had to read for what?
Pills things like that percuss at oxy cotton stuff like that really I went to like you're really shitty
Shitty rehab though like yeah, I hand to basil and I like meth X meth heads kicking you door
Oh seven a.m. Like you start praying to like pray you pray
Oh, seven a.m. like you start praying to like pray you pray
You know when it's big's bad they take your phone they didn't do that to you They did take my phone for like a week and then they give it to you every other day
You got to earn it back with points. Yeah, I was a week. I was in rehab before phones
Wow
They'd actually they had a pay phone you have to use you had to earn quarters. That's insane
It's crazy. What updated? I got so when I was 15 oh shit
I'd write out a jail
You know, it's either go to another jail or whatever the fuck it was I chose to go to rehab for a year
Bobby was addicted to that fucking elixir that the guy on the wagon used to sell it
Cheers every element come on now
I think losing your phone would be the hardest part of the rehab. It was terrible.
She's pretty fake.
I actually didn't talk to my family for a year.
I didn't go home for six months.
And then you get to go home for like a couple hours.
I remember my uncle picked me up and it was like a quiet ride back to my grandmother's.
Oh, conjugal visit.
conjugal visit.
Thank you. Boy, with a real delay.
Let me get it though.
So you would see, my rehab was for boys from 9 to 18 though.
So that's like a workout.
That's like from a lover, like a workout.
Oh, but it's not a rehab.
I've made a stitch clothing. That's not a rehab at all.
It's a big pocket.
I remember the first night there. I remember there was a priest.
I remember he was very effeminate, you know what I mean?
It was just very high.
He was this big fat priest.
And I remember he had fucked up skin, too.
It wasn't called a mirror.
I was going, first of all, I was going just back down.
I was 15, it was fucking sexy, Bob.
But yeah, I remember he was sweaty and he was just fat.
And I remember he pulled his pants up over his belly button
And had the belt like up here that little thin priest belt
Bill Fralee. Yeah, and he was so effeminate. Hi, welcome. You know, you got into good here
And I was just so paranoid that he was gonna be sucking me off
That I just remember anytime he would you know, that's not the worst thing that happens in a malt station
It could get maybe let me count two more things worse
What's the second one the second one is you sucking him off?
Yeah, and I think the third one is
Fuck me and the ass alright, that's all these my personal I was actually think
Me fucking him in the ass. I have to open up that big old fat priest ass I throw up my ass would be nice
I think past number one you getting the blowjob it gets just a downhill right
Yeah, before after the the stake situation. Oh the stake when I was your kid. Oh, that was it wasn't even real
That was just you know exploration right. Oh
You remember your first steak?
No.
How are you going to do it?
It's a long time since we were getting it this way.
No.
No, I don't know.
Well, that was the steak.
I had a little guy for a steak when I was a kid.
What?
That's just hearsay.
What do you mean, no, I did not fucking tell me who I sucked off.
I, no, it was, uh, Peter Luger.
No.
You have to take this a one-sauce.
Wow, this is a fast show tonight by the fuck.
I'm tired too.
I actually did the Opie and Anthony show today.
I just did the show today.
You did the show today.
I did my show, yeah.
Wow.
Did you do that?
Can you do that?
Yeah, when you're at Wildcat, you can't.
You have to do one or the other. I have my own podcast. Oh, did you do that? Can you do that? Yeah, well you're a wow-cat, you can't.
You have to do one or the other.
I have my own podcast.
Yeah, I know, it's hilarious.
I got on a web series.
But yeah, it was weird.
He would come in at night, and that's when I got scared.
But there was an open room upstairs.
There was an open room with like most of the kids.
And then there was these side rooms that,
if you, like the kids that have been there then there was these side rooms that if you like the
kids that have been there longer got the side rooms and there was only four
people in those rooms so it's kind of better to have those rooms but I remember
he would go in there and he would I just just get nervous so I would pray
every night I would just get on I would just pray and I would I would say it
allowed me to go I agree what's that please only suck me off please I'm not allowed to do that. I'm not. I'm not allowed to do that. I'm not allowed to do that. I'm not allowed to do that. I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that.
I'm not allowed to do that. I'm not allowed to do that. I'm not allowed to do that. I'm not allowed to do that. I'm not allowed to do that. and like teeth, just that Boston cotton candy here. That smoked bobby, you know,
we do the overnight together.
And like, I'd sleep half the night
and then she'd sleep half,
but she used to take the kids.
Like, she'd be like, I gotta go downstairs for a second.
So her time to sleep, you know,
she would take, you know,
I gotta go downstairs and just take one of the kids
and she was banging the five of the kids.
It's a great, really.
Yeah.
And I found that out
because one of the other counselors, he was a body builder. And he would do these overnight for me every once in a fuck. It's a great, really. Yeah. And I found that out, because one of the other counselors, he was a body builder.
And he would do these overnights with me every once in a while.
And she would come in and be like, I gotta talk to Michael, bring Michael down.
And then go in the TV room for a little while, and I didn't think anything of it.
And he would fuck her.
Wow.
The body builder guy would bang her too.
He's like, I think she's banging these, the couple of couple the kids How old was she her she had to be like fucking 60
Yeah, dude she was fucking her sir her aunt you know that skin that little the skin had like little
Fucking diamonds in it little
Yeah, you know like old lady skin. It's just like come to and it transparent. Yeah
Like the organs working underneath the skin.
Yeah, you can see the fucking blood pumping towards his.
Yeah.
I mean, but if you're in there, you got a fucker.
I would do it if I was in there.
I would.
I'd rather just jerk off a fucking half the priest blow you.
You know what I mean?
So many options in this place.
Wow.
It is a weird, anytime there's, what you say?
Oh, so I should have known who was funny. I'm kidding. This is funny. I'm kidding.
I don't know why I gotta say I'm kidding to you because you get all fucking sad.
But when you work with the kid, when I got hired for the place, the guy running it
was a guy who was a counselor when I went to Juve Hall in one of the
places and I never had a fucking incident with this guy but I remember one day
when we I came in with this other guy Michael we both went to jailed like my
third time and I got in-taked you get in-taked by you know counselors this
other guy took me this black dude took me in and they you gotta do it you gotta
get naked you gotta jump in jacks. Yeah, because this is not a rehab
That was the most about when I was 13 the first time in jail
I went in and it was terrible.
It was in Charlestown, Charlestown Y, which doesn't exist anymore.
Then one, the highway would literally three feet away from the window was a fucking
four-lane highway that would just hear, boom, boom, all my longs.
That sounds like freedom.
But yeah, right there.
And I remember when I went in in they made me take my clothes off
Mm-hmm, they'll like I get naked and I was like huh?
They'll like take your fucking clothes off and do jumping jacks. Why jumping jacks?
Because they they just
Yeah, if you do these things they fall out. I'm like dude. I actually was like dude
I'm not really you really think I'm 13 do you think I'm smuggling like fucking
Then I had to take a shower to other guys like
This to other kids
Mennery
We first of all, and Judy Hall, Tim has never been so hard. Yeah, this is amazing.
Thank you for having me.
In Judy Hall, in Judy Hall, you don't get individual showers.
There's like five showers, and five at a time you go in and shower.
You're not supposed to fuck each other or suck your kids.
Like I said that before, like kids, when you're in Judy Hall,
you're not blowing dudes because you get out in like three months if you suck in dick
It's cuz you like second dick. It's not because you need a cigarette
Like dude you get no tomorrow. So we get it. It's that excuse. We got 90 days
Yeah, I'm a boy you guys a bigger guys can force the lower gun. Well, I was not you didn't know I never did that
You know, I mean it was just no no no no no no no sticks allowed. Well, I was in there
And I remember that was the first time I saw a pubes because the two guys that were came in with me were 18 You know what I mean? It was just no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah. I was so fucking scary, man.
And that night a guy actually, kid actually stuck
a pencil on another kid's eye.
Whoa!
Why?
Because it was a fact kid.
I think he was in there for pedophilia, some sense.
Now these are things you don't go,
this wasn't jail jail.
This was like jail you go to, till you go to court
and you get convicted. And then you go to where the fuck you go. This was like jail you go to until you go to court and you get convicted
and then they then you go to where the fuck you go.
This was like interim jail.
Like this is where you went, they kept you until your court case went.
And this particular place, you only went here for like a week or two
because it was so shitty and they kind of found a spot for you to go to from here.
It was, it was, I was 13. Yeah. I was
fucking shit in my pants. What did you do to get there? I did an unarmor robbery, a
assault and battery, a military instruction trespassing to break a motivation. So I I did
a lot of shit up until then. But what happened? It sounds like a martyr in the black community.
I have no one wants to laugh. I understand. It's only me Anthony Komi. I said that.
Joe Liss looked at me and utter disgust. We're like believe me. Everything's okay.
Joe K, how did you make men chin black people? How did you make Joe's mouth smaller?
That's very hurtful. I was recently diagnosed with a small mouth type two. I know you're the type two things.
Began a black people.
All right, Texas is laughing as well.
I love that down there in Texas.
They're only here because they knew you were coming.
Now that I have a medical small mouth, I think we should stop poking fun.
What are you talking about?
I agree, John.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Well, you have a medically large vagina.
Oh, it's all m small mousy girl.
It's a rubber.
It's very insensitive to the kind of a woman.
It's very jerk.
It is why.
It is why.
How do you know?
I saw the video.
It really does.
It sounds like a hot air balloon being blown up.
It's not a thing.
Only when I squeeze.
Fucking quees make me throw up by the way.
Yeah, that's out of sex.
I don't know. It's not a thing. What? I love quees., fucking quees make me throw up by the way. Yeah, that's out of sex. I don't know, it's not a game.
What?
I love quees.
Of course you do.
It's funny, I love them, but they're not sexy.
Yeah, it's sexy, but they're funny.
It's funny.
When you're getting rolled a queeve,
you mean something's going well.
No, that means it's an error.
I think you're not filling the pussy proper, though.
Oh, well, then I hate a queeve.
It's like a fist of bad rings.
Yeah.
No, a classic question.
What is about quees? A quees. A quees. Well, you have sex a queen. It's like a distant, bad rings. Now, can I ask you a question? What is about queefs?
What do you have sex with dudes?
Right.
They don't queef, right?
Is it just a fart?
No, it's just a, I mean, it's a shower.
It's just, it should be nothing.
But it's like a cat skills joke.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you know, to queef, what is it a fart?
Yeah, folks.
But no, I mean, if you to kill them long island would have murdered
What is your story if you if you have a section to do like I fucked girls in the butt before yeah, and
Sometimes I don't need anything I actually can have I had a girl fart and it fought I giggled of course
Because it was a little like that and it was I might have been an assqueeaf. Yeah, we know was it was in her butt
Yeah, I mean things can have their horror stories of what can happen like right?
I mean, you know, I mean your mind can what do you mean? Of course?
Explosive it's our own hard work things can happen. Yeah, it's a volatile area of the body
The
What could happen like you have no idea?
I know you clean out
No, everybody yeah, no you have to take precautions. What's a precautions? I go to the car wash.
There's a car wash.
I gave a foot, no, of course not.
This is, he's, no, just a bunch of Mexican bags.
Yeah, just a Mexican, I just clean you out.
Does a metal container says tips?
Yeah.
I picked a guy behind you with a water pick.
Yeah.
I got the executive, the washing and detailing.
And the VIP watch.
Yeah.
I heard a story about it.
Fuckin' in the ass.
I think we talked about this in our podcast.
Yeah.
Tuesdays with stories.
Fuckin' in the ass with no condom and his dick split open.
I mean, we're saying, oh, come on.
That's gonna be like an old horse out of you.
I don't know you.
It's an old husband. It sounds like just a homophobic thing like an old lady would say I
Think it could happen in an ass. It splits you pull in the dry dick in the dick hole
I don't understand wait a second. No, there's no lubricant no natural
Yeah, but an asshole has natural lubricant
You could buy a lubricant like CVS instead of splitting your penis. I'm saying someone try one time to try without the Loub and then it pull and then you know
that works I don't think the physics behind it. Yeah, you would stop for your dick right? Dick would bang. Somebody go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go You would say Google dick split anal that's really the same thing is gonna come up is gonna have nothing to do
Oh, no, it'll be
It's gonna be Tim Dylan's website
I remember that story with that guy that put the gerbil up his ass and then his friend went to look for it
And use the lighter to light it up in a pocket of gas and explode it and the gerbil shot out and sproke his nose
That was rich or gear hair
Poor rich or gear, but that like that was the first real urban legend of the internet right?
That was going around for years back in the 90s
And it was like did you hear that guy fucking lit the match and a bloomer and everyone knew it was bullshit
But people would talk about it like it was real like the girls the frozen hot dog shit
That's yeah, yeah
Real that's real. Yeah, but if frozen hot dog broke off in a chaser Johnny He just pull it out the maggots. What about the lobster tail? What do you mean maggots?
She was fucking us over the lobster because the tail was going and she didn't know that lobster laid eggs in a
Dina and then little baby lobsters came flying out of her
Pussy that's a lie. I heard a crazy one. It's a lie, but it's one of those stories. I was through
I heard crazy one one of theseestyles myths about this guy in germany he took over
and he just hated you so much
that
that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that
that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that
that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that I want to I want to actually want to get Anthony Hitler socks those big make them those big wool socks that come up to
You need and they look a braid going up when he was wearing those shorts and that one picture where he was trying to be human
Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to show that he was a good guy. He's a good guy. It's fucking yeah, yeah
You Google image Hitler was shorts. I never saw that. Oh, it's great. It's like later hosin
Yeah, they looked and said like yeah, this isn't the image we want for this guy
Well, I think that if you were fucking somebody and your dick hurt that much, you would stop.
You would just stop, pull your dick out and go, dude, I have to spit on my dick.
I gotta do a broke back mountain.
Yeah, yeah, there's always spit.
I remember when I was watching that movie.
If you watched that movie, seriously, you don't know that movie and you're just watching
it. The first half of that movie is like you if you're a western
fan like a piece if you're just a western fan you're like this is a fuck how
do I miss this and then all of a sudden all of a then you're like, whoa, he ate beans the night before.
They haven't showered.
Right horses.
They're riding horses.
It's constantly sweating.
It's like beans fucking whiskey and fucking ass play.
That meant that was some, yeah, yeah, it was fun.
I love that movie.
I just love to see some old red neckos watching.
I think it's like a John Wayne movie. I think the word got out on that movie though
No, no people knew what they were getting themselves into yeah, what was it the lab was the other one?
What the fucking laughing game? What was that one? Oh the crying game?
Into it
It was no, I would have been like that's nothing
I was like, oh look at that. It was Jordan, they would have been like,
ah, that's nothing.
What about a way?
They went in my, in my batterer's therapy class
that I go to Thursdays.
I go to batterer's,
the baseball adventure.
Yeah, yeah, it's an intervention.
I didn't know you had a league one.
It was good.
Yeah, yeah, it's great.
So, we're, we're having the home run competition
next week.
I'm going to go every Thursday.
What did you say?
Home runs when you knock her out.
Oh boy. Oh boy. Yeah, that? Home runs when you knock her out. Oh boy.
Yeah, that batterer is intervention.
I'm not believing any of this by the way.
And they say, I don't care.
I'm going to go to a coffee shop.
I could give a shit.
So you have to go to what is this now?
You go to where is it?
It's in like Garden City.
It's near me, out on Long Island.
So you drive to this place.
I drive to this place.
And some woman is there in an office. And I go in there and sit out on Long Island. So you drive to this place, is it like to this place, and some woman is there in an office,
and I go in there and sit down on a couch.
It looks like a shrinks office.
There's a couch and a box of tissues on the fucking table
and her computer, and then a TV for the videos
that you have to watch for this thing.
And I was saying that that scene from Brokeback Mountain
came up on the video.
It was called a bro code or something.
And she asked me, she goes, have you ever seen this movie?
And I was like, yeah, she goes, you know, you're the first one that's ever said that they
saw this movie.
Like, and I just picture these guys showing up in white bean.
I want you to fucking fag movie.
Yeah, I've seen the movie.
I actually thought it was a good movie.
It's a great movie.
And it's a fucking great movie. Yeah, was a good movie. It's a great movie. And it's a good, and it's a fucking great movie.
Yeah, I have to go. It's fucking great.
But at that moment when you, I was watching,
because I'm a big western fan, I love westerns,
I love those type of movies.
I love loads of them.
Dove is one of my favorite movies of all time.
Six hour fucking epic.
And then I'm watching that the other day again.
I'm just wanting, I just got so into it.
And then all of a sudden, he's again I'm just wanting I just got so into it and then all the sudden
He's just fucking just blast and the you know and he was just the you know
He was just taking it and and then and the next day it was just like oh shit. This is a whole not a movie and then they had a
Shake it was like from dust till dawn. It was a crime movie
What the fuck happened in two seconds?
It's totally different.
It was.
It had the same feeling.
You're like, what just happened?
It's like Stripes.
Yeah, the first half is Stripes the second half.
Yeah, the battery thing is just, you know, it's one of these
a court mandated thing. But I mean I when you go there
Yeah, do you have to play along? I mean are you is it or are you sitting there? I actually
There's no playing along
You answer the questions. Yeah, I tell them honestly that they have a doll there that just all of my years
Yeah in all of my years never ever doing anything my years, never, ever doing anything like that.
I decided at 54 at the time
that I was just gonna start this whole new thing
of hitting women.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, why would you do that though?
Yeah, exactly.
Thank you.
Right.
Yeah.
So you guys still together?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, the therapy though, like I mean, do they have a doll and it just goes, what are you talking about? guys still together
The therapy though like I mean do they have a doll and it just goes what do you look at? Why do you talk to me talk to me?
They show videos like they showed one and it was it was like
Michael Jackson's bad. That's all they got to show it was this video of like guys being sexist and
You know that and the fuck them funny thing
I'm watching it and arties in it. DAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH the guy it's like that's not a good thing if you're friends with a guy in the video that's hilarious not to do video it's excellent to
everybody yeah you're in the fucking what not to do with the
batterers intervention so funny because they say that because I took a
cooking class and they had what not to do with knives and we just video of
him stabbing
oh my god
that's crazy though in a better and
like a battering class they have comedy they find defensive.
Oh, it's every single offensive.
It's all about the whole thing.
There was this fucking
douchebag at the beginning of the video going,
you know, men are trained from the time they're born
to treat women like this to, and I'm just saying,
this is nothing to do with.
And then she's asking me about,
cause they show some fucking porn.
Yeah, and she's asking me about porn.
It was that Gonzo strangling punching porn.
Where's Thompson?
Yeah.
You know what I mean now, I'm just stuck porn.
What is that?
Everywhere a chick's side trying to get through a window
cause she forgot her keys, she gets stuck
and then her two fucking steps on find her.
And they're like, get me outta here.
Are you fucking up? They just start fucking playing with her tits and the other one goes out front comes on the back and starts banging her
Wow, that's amazing. I thought porn one chick got her fucking hand in the
The garbage disposal and the guy comes up. Hey, she's like help me son
Stepson it's always steps on the scene Get away with it. This is called rape porn. Yeah. That's a hilarious.
We're stuck in my bed. That's great.
It's sheets first of all. First of all, they let you have the hook right
going. You better not tell your daddy. So there's a point where she goes.
She's into it. So it's not like she's fighting and kicking the whole time.
We can shoot one of those here when you try to get up.
Anyway, if it's a good one, it's a good one.
You don't have to fucking pat your knee, you asshole.
They show this porn, the Gonzo porn, and it's real violent.
And I'm like, first of all, I never would have seen a pillow on your lap.
Yeah.
I'm like, I'm here in this class, and I go, I never would have watched that type of porn.
You just showed me porn that I wouldn't have seen
because I'm repulsed by it.
I don't like that violent smack blowjob,
come in the fake fucking, I don't like that.
I don't find it hot, it's disturbing to watch.
And you just showed it to me for what?
How is that gonna help me?
Now I can stop Googling it.
Yeah, I'll believe me.
No, it was, that's what 90% of the video is.
It's shit that I would never do or say or use or do,
and then you have to discuss it afterwards.
You're very, I mean, seriously,
I've known you for a long time.
Yes, you're a very, you're the guy who gets a girlfriend
and you, I mean, of course you,
you have little here and there, you'll
fuck around.
But for the most part, you're a fucking cheater.
Yeah, but you do get girlfriends.
Yeah.
I mean, I, when I was, for a while, when I was out, I didn't find any girlfriend.
I didn't want to do with a fucking girlfriend.
I just wanted to have as many chicks as I could, I fucking hated religion.
Ever since I've known you, you went from relationship to relationship to relationship. And yes, I could, I fucking hated religion. Ever since I've known you went from relationship
to relationship to relationship.
And yes, I mean, you've cheated here and there.
But I've never had any violence or any shit like that.
So it's what it is.
And I'm going right along with what I'm supposed to take.
I have to take 75 hours.
I'm sorry.
It's six hours.
Six hours.
My second hour is Thursday.
Do you have like a graduation at the end?
The youth for the guys to see for graduate. Please keep the baseball bat as I was given. I didn't know hardy had six hours of material
I'm just watching Arty's specials all time. Yeah my whole episode Arty has been very helpful. Yeah
Yeah, my whole to episode already has been very helpful. Yeah, I mean, I
Mean, have you ever been that mad at a girl? Were you me? Yeah, I never come close now ever now You haven't even got a fight with a guy right? I got in a fist fight in fifth grade Jeff me and punched me in the head and I started crying
We were best I told the story earlier. It's it. Oh, I was on bank. Yeah
We decided we were like friends I told the story earlier, it's, oh, it's on Benakton. Yeah, we decided we were like friends, and we had, in fifth grade, you know,
if you have the conversation, who could beat who up?
You don't have the wisdom to realize
that's gonna turn into a fight.
If you're an adult, you know, if you're like,
who would win a fight?
We're just gonna quickly lead to a fight.
But anyway, so we fought,
and I tried to kick him in the balls,
and my shoe flew off, and he caught it,
and handed it back to me.
That's nice.
I put it on, and then he moved, man.
Yeah, yeah. It's a really nice fight it on and then he moved. Yeah, yeah.
It's a really nice fight.
It's a polite fight.
Would you have been friends?
You get no fight?
I got no fight in college.
That's it.
I mean, because you, I imagine you'd fought more.
I've been in a lot, but the last one was college.
Really?
Yeah.
College was a lot.
Do you ever get mad at a girl where you wanted to?
I once pushed a girl and she backed up
and fell through a coffee table.
Oh my god
Why it was like that got ugly. You mean some already like CDs? Yeah
I didn't mean to like I didn't mean for it to fall through but it happened. Why was your friend on his knees behind her?
Why did you push her?
We were at a party and she said something like the worst thing you'd say
I don't she's like and that's why I fucked your friend or something like that
She didn't say that but it was something in that vein.
Now I pushed her like, get away from me and she fell back on the coffee table.
When she fell through the glass cup.
Yes, yeah.
Did she get hurt?
She got hurt and was like, every guy was like, what the fuck are you doing, man?
I was like, I had another coffee table there.
It was all a thing.
You're far out.
Yeah.
Did you get in trouble?
No, I got out of it.
I did my act.
But yeah.
But no, it was close.
You still feel bad about that? I felt bad. Yeah, it was out of it. I did my act. But yeah, but no, it was it was close.
I was still bad about that. I felt bad. Yeah, it was totally an accident. It was just like get away for me. Yeah.
If there was no coffee table, she would have just backed up a foot. What about you? Right. I fall through a bunch of coffee tables.
No, I've been a bunch fights. I mean, not a ton, but enough. What was the last fight you get into?
Probably 24. Really? Yeah, I'm 31 now. What was it about? At a bar, I didn't even
know what was happening. I just got hit. I'm from Long Island, so it'll just go,
there'll be a time when someone is just starts throwing like A-makers at a bar.
And you get hit and then you just start fighting. You don't even know who you're fighting.
You got caught up in it. It's a little tornado. Yeah, it's a tornado on the bar.
You don't know what's happening and then everyone
pull cues and calls and then everyone goes to the
the diner afterwards and talks about it.
Yeah.
Let's go.
You see that?
Yeah, be the shit out of it.
No one knows how or why it happens.
Right.
Let's go fries on me.
Yeah.
Yeah, Joe, introduce our new guest.
Oh Bobby obviously doesn't know my fiance's name.
Sarah time.
I know you start.
Of course I do.
We're in time of fight.
You ever getting a fist fight?
No.
No.
We were talking about abusing women, but that's over now.
Yeah.
I never hit you.
Have I?
No.
I'm not even throwing a lot.
Does she? She's not even. only good if he doesn't mean it
people good one
that people I thought that was
mark people had as one good one
for the night and uh... it's funny to
get crunches
what the girls I mean girls really
don't fight there's a certain what
I've seen a lot of
I've seen a lot of
you know I was putting girl fight and they're all over the head. Yeah, but have you ever got no
fight? No, I think once when I was a maybe like first grade with my friend, I
remember punching her in the stomach and I didn't feel good afterwards. But she
was pregnant so she had to take care of it.
First grade. It's interesting. I have fantasies of beating up people and then in the fantasy I feel guilty.
Like I'll have a dream about like beating up a bullier and then I'm like I'm really sorry.
I don't know why.
Well it does feel, I've actually fought when I was younger and it feels like shit.
Even if you win, I think you feel terrible.
Even if you feel you still lose.
You got to be kind of a guy that likes that kind of thing.
I was living in Greenland at a long island
Went to a bar with a friend of mine. Oh man
That's just not drunk Irish motherfuckers out here
And this one guy me and my buddy were leaving and this guy comes up with his friend and just start to fight with us
And this guy beat the shit out of my friend and me and the other guy would punch in each other
But it wasn't really it just was a bad scene
and me and the other guy were punching each other, but it wasn't really, it just was a bad scene.
The cops showed up and for like years,
all I wanted to do was see one of those motherfuckers again
and just punch him in the face.
It ate at me for literally years.
I finally, I start going out with a girl
that's tending bar in Green lawn.
This fucking MOOC comes in and we my favorite word for talking and he's
like dude did we have a he remembered he goes dude do we have a fight out there years ago
man it shit he goes yeah that was pretty fucked up and I'm like I had been talking to him
for like an hour at the bar right and now I'm at the point where it's like I fucking this
guy who doesn't even know for years I wanted to kill him right and now I can't even really do anything
socks wasted anger
Were you famous at this point? No, I was I was a well I was famous for putting an air conditioning and heating
I was good
We heard about you now. No, I had a friend in high school who would just fight everywhere you went Ron Foshe
A Funches.
Yeah.
Where's he now, cop?
Now he's a, he's a, he's the head of the Louisiana State Patrol.
Actually, he's working in Baton Rouge.
Oh, my God.
She's, but, yeah.
One time I used to have a convertible, and we were in a red light.
And a guy drove, it was, it was a real piece of shit. And a guy was was walking by at the red light and he started talking shit to him he was in the back seat
drunk and they started fighting he stood in the back seat and they were fighting outside the car
yeah he was standing on the seat like the grand marshal of a baby yeah he just beating the shit
right what are you doing I just peeled off and he pulled back on the seat he was a headbutt guy
remember those guys we just keep being very English That's a very English thing to do that English. Yeah, it's a fucking rugby in a good
At it you can lose head this party ahead is
It's just saw what you're doing you could just
Funnily fight it's you the UFC guy with the dent in his head
We talked about that to do that was a new injury that just happened
Right, it's one of the work. It's one of the worst injuries ever in MMA.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through. And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through.
And we've just walked through. And we've just walked through. And we've just walked through. And we've just walked through. And we've just walked through. And we've just walked through. And we've just walked through. Does a dent in the guy's skull and he has to there's actually a go fund me Because he has to stay in the hospital because his his fucking brain is swelling
Kidding me
You can image just image that we don't need to watch the video because there's no video
I see the photo
Yeah, the photo of him just in the hospital fucking I just love that he's brain swelling and it's just like the fumble
It should be come up on like news or something if you put it all right
And white guy with the red hair or the black guy
Back to his brutal helper out Chris stop fucking yelling shit at her helper
to it is brutal help her out Chris stop fucking yelling shit at her helper
How the fucking sports stuff funny way it's a radio show
It was it's fucking bad and then look that's what's gonna happen with this sport though I mean people gonna die people gonna get hurt this in a jury is
Fucking absurd like why is it fatal? No, it could have been. I mean, dude, he fucking dented his skull
with a knee in front of an audience.
Oh!
Come on.
Man!
It's like a crayon of a can.
Look at that.
So, yeah.
Looks Hindu.
I think the way to do it is you can go down to this right here.
Look at that.
That's the...
That's his x-rayer.
That's his skull that is smashed. The only way to do the only way to open it up and then use a hammer to bang
it back out right right now you can actually put hot water on it
that's terrible no he still he'll get better you'll fight no come on he's
done well I mean if they have to replace his skull with metal they'll put some kind of yeah you get fucking
you can really yeah metal well yeah i mean to go back to the headbutting
thing i mean i was in amp's and once and i remember i was sitting there i was
doing shows like a festival and i was i was all about at least a
lamp in elie was there me and Lisa but i wasn't really friendly with her as
much you know what i mean and i remember so it was pretty much just me by myself with these European comics. It was a very lonely
depressing time like you know as and it wasn't it wasn't absent
It was then hagg done a hug whatever the fuck these so it was this weird part of of
Hague the hagg that's it. Yeah, the hagg we call it the hagg
The egg is that old chick from your fucking...
Yeah. That's the girl with the prison. Yeah.
The Hague.
I wound up hanging out with these two hooligans, soccer hooligans.
Uh-oh.
And they just came in from fighting each other.
They're friends.
But they just went and fought each other.
Just for the fucking jits and gills.
They came in like, the guy I was a glean and he's sitting down and he went to the show. They came in like the guy who was a bling
and he's sitting down and he went to the show.
They're like, yeah, we just, you know,
we just saw you show, mate.
That's not straightening, dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.
Whatever the fuck it is, I'm not one of my dance owners.
Yeah, I saw you show, yeah.
We came in from the soccer match.
That was Deepo.
And he was, they were telling me that they, they fucking, I didn't know about the Hooligan
shit.
They set up the fights on the internet.
They, and they fucking fight.
And one of his things, he goes the first thing I do is fucking head by the guy right in
the fucking nose.
Because it just,
Splatters, stars.
Oh, see it, it's crazy.
And the pain in your, because it's so embarrassing. Oh, yes.
People are hitting the nose that go down.
Right.
You hit someone to nose and break their nose,
they keep fighting, you're gonna lose the fun.
Oh, run.
They're fucked up.
I've got, I've got to hit in the face
where you literally feel like the gravity just totally,
you know.
I was out front one night.
Oh, yeah.
There's a fucking little Italian guy.
This happened a couple times.
This is why I like being down here on weekends.
There was a little Italian guy, fuck, I mean, it had to be four fucking ace. Just flipping out.
You fucking cocks. I'll be screaming at this big, he just does blonde fucking Ohio kid.
And he was in a big puffy coat. And the kids just looking at him like, dude, I don't want any problems.
Big motherfucker. He's like, fuck you cucks his girl screaming you fucking ass
All you the guy go sneaks around in a little beamer grabs a bat
Sneaks behind this fucking big ol high-o-tick a batter's class. He fast
Sneaks up behind them and swings his heart as he hits this kid in the back you hear
Cuz it hit his puffy-cope
Probably the guy turns around he goes why did you do that? Oh?
I've never seen fear this little fucking Italian guy was just waiting
How you fuck and he ran to his car and just sped away? Oh, I think you see got another bet
When you hit somebody and they don't go down yeah it's fucking petrifying
now i know that i thought that the last uh... not the last five but when i was a
kid i got to fight uh... at timber point elementary school with boomer
assassin what again i went to school
the city would be a page with the out with boomer
assassin
boomer and uh... we lived in east isle and uh... went to a grade school and had to be third, fourth grade,
something ridiculous like that.
And he was called Boomer back then, if you called him Norman, you'd get your ass hit kicked.
So I'm walking around the corner and I yelled Norman and fucking ducked the other way.
And when I turned around one of his friends, we just stand there looking at me like really.
Yeah, so he told Boomer and Boomer said he was going to kick my ass after school, of
course.
So I kept my jacket on.
You know, everybody would take like their shirts off and everything to fight.
I'd be like, no, I'm leaving my big 70s snorkel jacket on.
And what about with the helmet?
Yeah, really, I should have.
But I, you know, we square off and I a punge and i punch him square in the forehead
and uh... apparently later at the emergency room they will have told me that
i broke the ulna and radius
uh... both of the bones in my in my arm
punching him in the front punching him in the far end now it's not only this
little fucking wormy
queer kid fighting
a football player
but now i'm doing it with a broken arm.
Yeah, got my ass kicked and,
what was her name?
That was, boomer.
Yeah, the boomer.
Wow, yeah, I saw him years later at a golf outing.
Some guys really, get him over the head with a driver.
Such about Long Island, you keep bumping in
all these old guys.
Yeah, I'm gonna get it, yeahing in all these old guys. Yeah, yeah
You get the last laugh on boomer though. I really did oh wait a minute. It's got a
Yes, you know, oh, oh we don't
Oh my god, dude. What's this?
I love this.
I love this.
Bob, I'm doing well right now.
Can you edit that?
No.
I'm doing okay.
It doesn't matter.
Oh, jeez.
You didn't say it.
Fucking scopo said it.
That was really insensitive scopo.
I need it.
But there's certain guys.
There's certain guys that.
Tell me if his punch gets any better.
There's certain guys that fucking love fighting.
That's a lie.
I mean, we were out here one night.
I think someone was, some guy, some kid yelling,
I think it was Kyle grooms of all people.
And just fucking fuck you.
And many yelling at Sharad.
And you don't wanna yell at Sharad.
That's Mark Norman.
No, no, you don't.
And that's fucking choke to the face.
Really? Yeah. I'll tell you that story later. Well, you tell him know. And that's fucking choke to the face. Really?
Yeah.
I'll tell you that story later.
Well, you tell them now.
One night you fucking with a little bit.
It was all verbal, you know, just a little,
what do you call it, little topic.
From stage.
From stage.
Oh, shit.
So it's on stage, you're on stage.
What'd you say?
I just, you know.
There's one thing I can imagine that would really get
a man, but anything anything else you're on save
That he'd actually laugh at that one. Yeah, yeah sure. Oh really? Yeah, I should
Fuck you punch your face again. I don't remember it somewhere. It was something about running the light, you know Yeah, yeah blah blah blah and then right after yeah, then that was it
He just choked you arm bar. It was more of like a get up against the walk and okay
He just choked you? Arm bar.
It was more of like a get up against the walk.
Oh, okay.
Tron, strong guy.
Very strong.
Very strong guy.
He's got fucking strength.
Yeah.
I would not want to fight you out.
I'd only fight you out if I, like if my family,
you know what I mean?
Not even my wife, just my kid.
Yeah.
If it was my wife, you were like, listen,
do you think honey?
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Hey, you're all tough to me.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I ask why you think of prints all over your classes.
It's very odd behavior.
You're just smearing your fingers on your glasses.
I don't know, dude.
I don't know.
Because you have real glasses.
This is just reading glasses.
I only need these to when I need, and I'll wipe them off.
You need yours to see.
You have little bitty eyes and a baby mouth.
Wipe them off before it gives him back to Ace Rothstein.
So you've seen you never wear those.
I do when I have to read, I have to read this later.
No, I'm gonna yell this one out.
But here's the thing, I was out like these guys were
fucking with them. All of a sudden this guy was just
fuck you, you fuck, and I'm like dude, you gotta go.
You just gotta go because this is gonna end,
I know Shroud, it's gonna end fucking bad.
And as friends dragging him down the street street all of a sudden these two fucking Italian
guys Jersey bro I don't know where the fuck they're from those guys and they went
they come up this kid screaming and yelling at you fuck and the guy goes hey to
his taps him on the head everything goes shut the fuck up weren't even involved
just saw this little fucking asshole screaming and he's went shut the fuck up. We're not even involved. Just saw this little fucking asshole screaming
and he just went, shut the fuck up right to his forehead.
He goes, you say another fucking word,
I'm knocking you the fuck out.
And I'm like, I go, dude, I'm there.
I go, don't do it.
And the kid looked at me and I thought
he was just gonna, he goes, you know what, fuck!
Anyway, oh, one punch. John, one punch the kid. It was. Oh, oh shit. One punch.
Wow.
One punch the kid.
It was so fun.
It was like a movie.
The kid fell.
His friend and his girl just dragged him around Ben's pizza.
Ha, ha, ha.
Over to the fucking parking lot and got him in a car.
It was, and they were like, ha, ha.
They loved it.
There's a certain guy.
Oh, that they love fighting.
There was a time where you worry about getting hurt
or something from a fight.
Once you hit the point of worrying about liability,
yeah, in a fight, you know, it's done.
You don't fucking fight anymore.
You don't pick a fight, you don't yell at somebody anymore.
You just walk away because you think,
oh, this is gonna be great.
I'm gonna be in court.
I was on a long Island railroad.
This is about a week ago a little Indian guy
kept singing and this big guy was like dude shut them. It's three o'clock in the morning
Trump train. It's Indian guys like singing
Fucking Bollywood music every time I say it was horrible and the whole the whole car was like dude Stop but one big guy told them dude stop and everyone kept trying to reason with this guy
And it would stop for like a minute and then he would hear this
And his friends were getting a kick out of it like his friends and I'm like I told his friends
I was like dude not so you know all the sudden I'm eating a slice of barbecue chicken pizza at 4 in the morning
And I'm saying all the sudden
You just see the big guy get up and all you hear is
Guy just starts whaling
Goes all over my barbecue chicken pizza
And and then the girl he's with a girl and just like you said with the fucking library
He hits him like twice and the girl he's with a girl, and just like you said with the fucking liability, he hit some like twice and the girl goes,
he's got a su-ass and then the guy,
something like snapped and the guy said
and the guy like shook him a little
and then just got out of there.
But I said, if she didn't say that, that kid was dead.
He just like, he was dead.
Something clicked and that guy said,
did you eat the pizza?
That's what I was gonna say.
I was gonna give you a few of his homosexuality.
I read that, I just said. I don't know. What happened was it was the pizza. That's what I was gonna say. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
That's what I was gonna say.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
That's what I was gonna say.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza.
I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza.
I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza.
I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza.
I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza.
I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I was the pizza. I I'm gonna see a murder right now because I'm gonna train you know
Snack cars nothing to do and there's nowhere to go. There's no food
Shut up tastes like curry, but I said how embarrassing if I got aides that way
Try to tell your friends from pizza. Yeah, sit down my father. I'm like I got aides
He's like well, I told that's I told you not to a Fag and I'm like it was from pizza on the train
Dad there's a story. I mean I can't
Big was the guy what the guy looks like the big guy look like a fucking the guy Bluto from Popeye
Some of these long island guys who's probably thought he's going to be a football player.
Fuck something up.
Now he's like an unhappy blue collar guy.
Oh yeah.
And he's sitting there and he just wants to go home without this Indian in this kid.
It was like an emo kid who was like with his two buddies like was like playing a joke
on the whole train car.
And everybody kept trying to tell this kid don't do this.
And he kept singing and this one guy was like if you you do it again, I'm gonna fucking kill you.
Do you wanna get killed?
And you just don't worry, I'm just sitting there
all day trying to eat.
I'm like, this is bad.
And then all of a sudden, the guy just got up
and just fucking whale on.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
That's one of the favorite stories of all time.
I just picked her a tambourine and blood,
and she went up there.
I'm gonna, and most of the time,
when I retell the story that you do divades.
Yes, I appreciate it, thank you for having me.
All right, listen, is this, where is Scobo?
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Yeah, that's it.
All right, so check it out, I'm gonna do this read real quick.
You don't gotta do reads, you want to read.
I want to do it, I love this late.
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Volotea.
Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Shit, I can't believe there's a nice since we started the show Fourth of July?
Today.
Uh-oh.
Is that when you went to Aruba?
I just before that, yeah, just before that.
And now today there's a fucking guy,
an Afghan person.
Yeah.
Axe knife, tack 20 people in Germany.
Well, you know what, you know what, you're running.
No, try to, you're gonna kill them? Nope.
Try to, fucking try it as best.
But it's a very small tiny fraction percentage.
Right.
Of the entire population amount now, you got to claim it.
I got to explain it to the guy with the axe in his chest, sir.
I know you please, sir.
It's a very small percentage, or the kids who got ran down by the car and friends.
Hey guys, it's such a small fraction,
it's a percent of a percent of a percent.
All right, Tim, you can be on Anthony's show.
Jesus, no, no, no, no, she can be actually
take over the network.
You can fill in for him when he leaves.
You're fucked up, you're past.
When he goes back to rehab rehab you can take over the show
would have to fucking call me a boss
they took an extra chest like scatman crudders ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And this is like not, I don't want to use the word perfect, but if you're Donald Trump and you're looking at this,
it's no gun involved and it's a refugee.
Yeah.
The fear factor you could get out of that.
I almost feel like, I almost feel like it's all
lining up for Trump to be president.
It's the only way this movie fucking plays out.
I would be so pissed if this was a movie and it ended with him
Not I don't want Rocky one ending. I want Rocky two ending where he wins. That's what it is
I don't I want to see Trump be president and then we go like oh my god
Donald Trump is president. This is the most fucked up thing ever and then we have to see what happens
Don't you want to see what happens come on? We'll be okay. It'll just be fucking crazy. Well, the president of the United States, the president of the
United States, is not leveled with the American people. He has said that it's, oh, it's our
values, which is great. And that's fine. Go on TV and tell people things are going to
happen. People are going to die. But it's important that we provide sanctuary for refugees.
But no, we're going to tell you things are going to happen. It's going to be terrors
and people are going to die. And he hasn't said that. He said that, well, you know, it's so valuable.
But there's a thing though, if you build up hate
in your heart, if you walk around with hate
and you start hating people
and we start fucking hating a religion
and the people in it, it's gonna be, it's just bad.
I don't like to go with a kid.
Well, it's true, but it's also a guy who's been sober
for 30 years.
It's also, you know, it's true, but it's also a guy who's been sober for 30 years. It's also, you know, it's like, you know, the foundation of my life is, don't hold resentment,
don't have hate.
You know, you gotta, you know.
We can do that as much as we want.
There's another side to this whole thing that just embraces hate and murder and the only
thing they have against us is that we exist.
What is the thing?
What are you willing, what level of risk are you willing to live with?
This is the only real conversation I have.
Are you willing to live?
And everyone's willing to live with a different level of risk.
Some people say, I want to close the border and not have any risk.
Some people say, no, we need immigration.
We'll live with a certain amount of risk.
Some people say, and some people say, well, we should just have bombings every day.
But that's the way it works. You can just say close the border and have
no risk that's a little silly. Why not? There's plenty of people that are here that are
all over the world. You're stopping. But there's no risk. Well you know what I mean no
risk from people that are coming here. No risk that are here because you know. You're
the one who says you know listen white people are violent horrible people. They're a school shooter.
You know, you know, we're in Bizarre world.
What happened?
No, but you know, you know, Star Trek, if you're living here already, we can't stop you
from doing anything, but we can't, you can stop somebody from coming here.
But something is happening right now that is, I mean, is, it's terrorism.
You can't, I love that they don't even say it either
No, I was watching CNN waiting for them to say this is terrorism and
They just won't say it they keep saying we can't you can't we can't do we have to wait into all the fact
Yeah, they got a fly it out of well the the news from uh... from france was truck kills eighty four people and it's like
all this is that steven king harbored movie for people of the was really a
muslim he was drinking and smoking cigarettes it like it is but you have a
seven to nineteen hijackers were watching porn and drinking it before they took
for planes into the twin towers he doesn't have to line up exactly right
they're saying they're saying that they're not uh...
they're not true most of the truth and a real most of them wouldn't kill
wouldn't take somebody else's life's fine and wouldn't you know i mean so i
understand what they're saying by i6 and by other radical islamic
uh... extremist there being influenced just like i absolutely believe black
lives matter and what the president said and Attorney General Lynch says and the media loves pumping up.
It incites people through blatant lies about what happened to certain gentlemen that are
killed by the police.
It's just lies that incite people to do violence against cops.
It's absolute, I think there's a culpability there that's been doing this.
And certain leaders, and I use that term term loosely that are lying to the people and
riling them up the two guys that have killed the cops so far ex
military are right yeah our own i didn't know that am i right marines yeah
i want to be
are fucking marines
so what what the so i've no mental health care in the country here you go
so that's a huge problem with no mental health yet they feel dis uh...
right by the car
you go you've joined the uh... marines are on the whatever i'm not blaming the
military but you do become a killing machine
and then you come back into society
and uh... you can go uh... but they're saying there's nothing there's nothing
after these guys come back for more that helps them uh... you know go uh... but that's what they're saying there's nothing there's nothing after these guys come back for more that helps them uh...
you know get back to society
to to give them a purpose through this
false narrative that there's this grave injustice being done all the time
they're gonna fucking start killing people
it happens just turned into a long island barbecue
it well i don't know the trade tonight will come in downtown I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm like, we're- And we started kissing. A little. Stop, sorry. And we started-
We're both looking around like, what the fuck is happening?
All of a sudden the door opens up and we're like, what?
Oh shit, it's going down.
And it was just some dude.
It was a black dude with a bag.
But he was actually a fan.
He looked at me, he goes, hey, what's up, man?
You missed my joke, because it was fun.
That's what I thought you were talking about, because we're the only two on the train.
And I was like, we're the only two on this car. I was like we had to yell the N word if we wanted to as I said it
The door open to the black guy walked in as I'm saying we can yell the N word and then he comes in and Bobby thinks
He got recognized as a fan but the guy actually just walked in and goes hey you can't
I mean oh really no that's not true that's not true but I did say I did say we could yell the N word if we want to
He did say I'm gonna go with Joe's story.
And then you would,
I'm gonna go with him a fucking heat down of age from an Indian fucking guy.
I can choose.
I can choose.
I don't condone the Edward of course she does.
Of course she does.
Of course she does.
Of course she does, of course she does.
But it's fucking, I think Anthony already owns it.
Yeah.
I'm fucking petrified to come into the city.
Really?
Oh, come on.
I especially, I especially because I live now in this nice,
nice, huge lives.
I'm so far removed from this shit now.
That I hear the subtle racism by saying this, Bobby.
It's not racism.
You're afraid to come into the diverse city
because you're up in your white neighborhood.
Just say it.
You're pretty, pretty white.
I'm joking. I was, little white. I'm joking.
I was.
I fucking knew it so white.
I fucking knew the Laura's that looked next to me.
She's a built in pool.
She's a lovely, fantastic family.
Isn't she great?
What a built in pool.
A built in, it's in the ground.
In ground.
In ground.
I say built it.
Built in was what it was called when I was a kid. Yeah, it's called built in back in our day
I'm a new yeah, the new kids it was called a lot of hot. Yeah, the new kids on 39
I love you above ground pull. Oh, they love a great
And it makes him feel great. Yeah, I've got piss pool. You can move into a house that had an above ground pool
in it 10 years ago.
And the grass is still dead and it's a perfect circle
in the yard.
How about the above ground that they try to make an in ground
with a deck?
Yeah, all my friends have.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's enough fooling anybody, OK?
We'll fucking eight feet off the ground.
I can see your neighbors with, like I'm looking in his house right now.
Right, right.
We've broken three of those.
You ever broke one of those?
What?
And above ground?
Yeah.
I've not.
So how do you break it?
How do you do that?
You just get rough thousand.
Mine exploded when I was a kid.
We had one for like three weeks and the lining, that's like a kiddie pool.
That's not how it was a big, you're playing an embolism. It was like a probably underneath. That's a kiddie pool, that's it. No, no, it was a big, you got an embolism.
It was like a four foot, that's cool.
And it started bursting out the bottom and slowly just came
out and the whole thing just burst.
And I was like crying, I was like, oh my God,
I lost my friends.
It was exploding down the street.
No, I didn't like it, I'd come over my house and
you were a pissy-eye little kid too,
because I was my father, you slow me,
and you knocked it off pissy eyes,
because I was constantly crying as a kid.
I was a cry baby.
You already told two stories of your youth where you were crying.
Well I got punched in with the old one.
The fool I didn't really cry.
That was a little kid after a reason.
I was like a good cry.
I cried when I watched Brookback, though.
You did?
Well part of the daughter when she said she's going to get married and he's like, well,
I got to work and then she gets bombed and he goes but they're gonna have to find someone else to work
And I'm like I stuck right you're not supposed to act it out like Rocky are yeah
I cried too and bled
Fun fact when your eyes get red and the pool it's from the year and not the chlorine is that true fun fact
I heard that too well when a pool at the the actual it's hard to open your eyes
It's because the chlorine is actually working on the the the the piss and whatever the fuck is
Whatever's that I have salt water
I know you do and it's yeah, but you pull his fucking I gotta be honest with you dad
You find a five degrees. Yeah, dude. It's not a pool. It's literally jumping in hot air
No one wants to be called in the pool. Yeah, no, you want to be a little you want to jump in
Listen, you know, this is what you want with a pool hot outside jump in refreshed
So and now and feel refreshed right now every breeze feels good when you're out of the you shouldn't feel cooler
Outside of your pool. No, I like whole pool to be jacuzzi. It's little you're cooking organs
You can't let little kids swim in your pool. Well, they shouldn't anyway, and I have a restraining order,
so they can.
I like your pool.
Well, I like, there's nothing better than a fucking pool.
I'm so glad my neighbor has one,
so I, she's so great with it too.
She keeps it open for max,
but I don't have to, I don't have to really do anything.
It's always dangerous, but.
What's that?
Why'd you have for that? She was killed kids 10 a day. Jesus, some dangerous. Well, there's a fence, I don't have to really do anything. It's always dangerous by the way. What's that? Watch out for that.
You can go kill kids 10 a day.
Jesus Christ, we're dangerous.
We're just saying I'm, yeah.
Well there's a fence, I put a fence up,
he can't get out.
There's a fence, she has a fence, I have a fence.
There's a double fence.
You can open a fence.
No, we can, it's a pie, he can't get into it.
And he can't get in her gate.
We're gonna build a fence, it's gonna be amazing.
I know, it's fucking happening tonight.
And his wife is talking tonight, that should be fun.
Melania. Yeah. You have voting for Trump, right? I mean, it's not going to matter
living in New York City. I love that. What to explain that? I know what it means.
You know what it means. New York goes for Democrats and has forever. We have an electoral
college. Just five states. It matters. Florida. Yep. Ohio, Colorado, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.
I think he's going to get Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Florida.
You know, I mean, you know, I think listen, the Clinton's
or machine, Hillary's a machine is a very good
candidate.
They edg them out.
But I mean, who knows?
You know, I don't think he's a perfect candidate.
He said a lot of things.
Perfect.
I don't agree with.
But I mean, you know, at the end of the day,
it all depends, you know, the Democrats of Rana woman
who is not traditionally democratic by any means.
This is not a, you know what I mean?
This woman has been pro-the-arach war,
pro-gone in Libya, pro-gone in Syria.
And I mean, that's why we get all the blowback.
That's why these people blown us up.
And how can you, you know what I mean?
They don't want us there.
Okay, well, let's get out of it.
Okay, all I wanna know, okay, who the fuck do we vote in?
That's gonna solve the problem we're having oh my god with Syria and and ISIS
It's never gonna be it's just gonna get worse unsolvable. That's not a problem. Let's you kill those for yeah, huh?
Unsolvable. We are beating them back in the the old battlefield
Yeah, but they say that the reason why they're actually doing we're roast battling them
The saying that the reason that they're actually fighting back right now
We're going through is because we are fucking them up and there this is
Desperate when they blew up that airport in Turkey they said well this proves their desperate now
Right, which sounds like somebody losing right it's a problem
because you either go and back these dictators in this country's the strong
armed guys you know or you support i mean because the problem with
Syria is you you start arming people to go against the Assad regime and the
people you're arming are ISIS you know what i mean like it's it's a ragged head
group of guys in the nicest clothes you were with us now,
and they go, okay.
So the CIA is giving weapons.
That's not a fun, by the way, we said that.
Well, the enemy of my enemy is also my enemy.
The CIA is giving weapons.
It's pretty much what you're in there.
And then the national security states
really divided, you know, the military going,
no, we gotta do this.
And the CIA is like, no, we gotta do this.
Nobody really knows.
It's like CNN.
And why is this all happening?
Most of this stuff recently is happened in France?
What they have a huge you know Muslim population
They've had a lot of refugees out there. They haven't assimilated them France is not good at assimilating people
They have a huge welfare state. You don't have to assimilate. You don't have to worry just being what they were
We're in their country. Well, yeah, instead of becoming and you could do what you want and here's a tremendous amount of very nice
Benefits for you and you and you know and listen a lot of these people coming from countries. They don't have the skills
This is the problem the Americans don't have skills people that I grew up with it went to public schools don't have skills to get these new jobs
How are third world
Refugees gonna have those skills. They're not so they're unemployed and they're easy to radicalize and then you know you have religion all right
Skobal how do you feel about this?
One Tim's on
Goose gay
It's a perfect after a gay
Cleaning up Let me it's it's
Is this why is this why the UK pulled out?
Is this have something to do with it?
They're like, look, we just want to fucking do our own thing.
Yeah, well that is a huge part of it.
There was the, you know, immigration was a huge part of it.
The idea that one, the EU wasn't,
it didn't make any sense because they weren't
sharing a currency.
I mean, there's all these different countries
with histories, they're complex, they have cultures.
And then you put them all together under this umbrella
of a thing where bureaucrats and Brussels make decisions
about what affects people in Northern England, they go,
well, this is ridiculous.
We didn't elect any of these people.
Right. Why are they having to say over who we are?
Right. And so they pull out and they go,
we just want to do our own thing,
the globalism and this one world government
that a lot of people in vision on the left and the right
is not really going gonna work out for
People but is this is this the setup for another fucking giant world war huge
Cuz Russian China yet to set up for another big one
My kid is like gonna be perfect age
It scares the shit
You know my father called me up on the first Iraq war.
My real dad, who was a Vietnam vet,
called me up the night we started bombing.
The first Iraq war, and he said,
if they, because I was draughtable at that time,
I was 20 young, 20 year old, hot Kelly.
And he was,
What do you have to do is tell the recruiter,
recruit a blue someone for a steak
and you ain't getting in back then.
Back then.
Yeah. Just stuck a dick in front of him him just try to blow him in the bathroom my father
would love if I died in a war
he'd be so happy
he'd be so happy
he'd be glad to hear how you know but my father called me because if he goes don't go
if they if you if you get drafted you leave this fucking country a spring steam And that yeah
Sunchitz never die
I was like really I go you're a fucking
You're a vat man. man, you're in Vietnam.
I just get bit from,
get bit from somewhere of a stroke.
Oh, yeah.
It's a bit of a stroke.
Either it's very possible.
D-smelt toast.
It's different, I guess, if,
I'm sure you do, before stroke you do smell burnt toast.
That's not true.
It's absolutely true.
I don't know.
It's because I smell toast a lot.
And it's usually because it's toast around me.
But a lot of it's usually because it's toast around me
But a lot of times on a train on a subway if I smell something and nobody else smells it. I get really paranoid
Why ask people on the train? Do you smell that and some guys keep it speaking English?
They go and and some of them go. Yeah, no, they do like if we're going to a tunnel like the F train goes on the ground
tunnel
You just smell like like I don't know paint or whatever the hell they do
I start flipping out and you know that or I'll start like a conversation with somebody next
Meal is disgusting to smell right?
Yeah, and he says yes, but he's also
Like oh, I think I'm safe and then no you're both the we're all gonna have just two tubbies
Great gay code, too. Do you smell that?
Sure do That's great gay code, too. Do you smell that? That's your do.
I smell what you got cooking.
Yeah, code is it.
Now is this is gay code? Can I say something?
Yeah, is gay code a myth? Is that like a urban legend, gay code?
It's a new show on MTV 6.
But I will not be cast on. I will not.
Is it really fun that show? Is it gay code? I think they were trying to not really find that show is it gay?
I think they were trying to make one. Oh, I heard you'd be in funny. Oh, I heard I
Would not I would not I would have me in the audition they go. Oh, I was just out at the gay capital along island over the past weekend
I'm very cherry grove. Oh fine. I have you been there? It's the game. I've seen him. I like it. It's just there's no law.
It's just a lot. It's a lot. You fucking suck whatever. Come on. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.
Yeah. It was just amazingly gay. Yeah. When we finally left, it was like, oh oh I was gait out I was gait out after weekend like just being around so many
openly gay people that are being openly gay
It was a lot. There's a lot of energy and a lot of loud music.
A lot of energy. Yeah, I actually I have fun. I like gay things like no like you know like
I don't know, no, no, no.
I don't know.
But, what, who said that?
I know what you mean.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, I like, you know, like, like,
gay, the pride parade, I like, like,
me and things fun.
Me and they, it's just like me and Norton were fun.
There's, uh, uh, uh, me and Norton one night
went to, uh, the, uh, the, the burlesque show up town.
We actually ate, we had food bad I think
Northern was bummed out it wasn't a she-mail bar I think he read the fuck
Bobby had a steak that he bought
that's fucking hurt my neck
I was very positive
yeah I mean it's fucking
fall every show every show that me and Mark do, he has a joke about game heel big and shave,
he goes,
blah, blah, game, he's not that, not Tim Dullin.
Oh, it's a rough one.
I didn't make it yet.
I really do want to know this, Tim though.
Yeah.
Is there, like, I've always heard this gay eyebrows
or gay code and things?
Or gay things?
Like, is there like a band-daner?
Is there a, is there a gay,
there is a gay band-daner we pass around,
like the bot, like the bot,
like when somebody bombs you pass that around?
No, no, is there a gate code like I was okay? That was a bomb about the bomb. Dan
Run
Just put it on the microphone don't touch it. Oh, there is no there. I don't know
I mean, it makes an ask
I mean, it makes an ask on. Anyways, I think they're there.
Okay, so you're hanging out.
Yeah, all right.
You're using technology with apps and stuff.
You don't need it.
You don't need any more, but was there before the grind, before the app?
Yes, I would have to tap.
No, no, no, there is dudes to tap my... So you don't know.
No, there is dudes with, you know, like the guys,
you know, they get people getting caught in airports
and all that stuff.
I mean, we've got an airport.
Well, you know, it's getting...
Sanitary people, people in the airport.
Sanitary people in the airport.
Tap in their foot.
I don't see that's the thing I don't get.
It's like, I came up with technology
where it was like the apps and everything like that.
Or you just messaged somebody on Craigslist.
I'd be afraid to get ahead from a chicken and airport.
Never mind, fuck it.
Yeah, like if a chick wants to fuck you at an airport,
but even if my wife was like,
I'm gonna go suck your dick somewhere.
I'd be like, no, what if,
look at fucking, well it's crazy.
That's just too much.
I'd be stressed out.
Never mind.
Everything's expensive at the airport.
It's just a conversation.
What you said? It's just a different conversation. Those are just two things. I try to buy headphones You know, expensive at the airport. It's just a conversation. What you say?
It's one of those different conversations.
That's why I try to buy headphones at a forehead.
Well, there's always this rumor that guys have gay code.
Like, you know, like that's David Chappelle's great joke,
bananas.
Right.
Well, there's people talking about,
I know that one.
He said there's like, gay code,
and a guy pulled up with the West Village.
He's like, hey, is it, hey man with the Westville. She's like, hey, he's like, hey man
What's up? He's like bananas. He's like, no, I'm good man. He's like, no, no, no, no
bananas. He's like, no, man, I don't want bananas, man. I'm good. He's like, no, no, no
That's like gate code. I think if you're in a park at two o'clock in the morning, that's probably a good indication.
What'd you say?
I said that bitch.
I'm not Dave Chappelle.
I didn't get the joke.
Hey, it was fun, and it's like, I'm going to repeat it.
It's the worst shit I've ever played.
I'm going to be the first video ever.
I love it.
I'm going to get out of my way.
I'm going to call it out.
I put the bomb in on me for Chappelle's joke.
Because that's like a hack. Get out. I'm going to get out of my way. I'm going to get out of my way. I'm going to get out of my way. I put the bomb in on me for she fells Joe
Yeah, get out the ship else I
Part late night park that's a big deal. What do you mean like like what do you mean if you're a gig if you're a guy in a park
A late at night part like your hair. Yeah, no, I throw 11 if you're a guy in a park late at night
There's a chance you're looking to do something.
Unless it was me, people would just think I worked for the park to the park.
And they would be like, handle that raccoon, but if you're...
Did you have to have to have a little dude? No, I'm gay, is it not?
No, no, I saw a dick.
But still, handle that raccoon.
The parkum rides out along Island were a big thing.
Oh yeah, what's go. The parking stop.
It's where you stop.
It wasn't even like a rest stop.
There were these parking lots off of some of the busy exits
on the expressway.
And if you're on one of the trades,
like a Carvinder, Tin Knock or whatever it is,
you don't want to drop Tin Knocker.
That's what I was.
You don't want to drive out to the job site
in a bunch of cars so you meet and all get in the work truck
and drive off to the job site and then drop of cars so you meet and all get in the work truck and drive
off to the job site and then drop everyone back off at the uh...
I'm in the garden.
I'm in the garden.
Yeah and in the morning you would see like guys in the woods around the park right or
there was a thing you could believe your headlights on and that would everybody know that
you know that's gaco or that lights on in a park and ride and you are fucking looking
to stuff to dick. I didn't know 100 park and ride and you are fucking looking to that true
Yeah, no hundred percent and bath. I mean bathhouse before that that predated that a bathhouse. Yeah, that was the Roman Empire
They still have the
Fuck I'll gig out with a lion
Well, there you go
We're learning well it is it is think, but it's funny that technology,
there's none of that anymore.
There's not even going, like, when I was coming up,
you had to go to meet a girl,
you had to fucking talk,
listen to her hopes and dreams,
make her laugh, fucking,
you had to know how to spend hours.
How you did it?
Good hours
Talking, yeah
French Rose
You still do that, you just, you meet online
I know, no once you meet online
You don't just meet online and they go,
Hey, let's meet up
There's already some kind of like
Sex talk going on before you even meet
You meet up, you fucking
You know you're fucking
No guys at Tinder, they swipe, they swipe they click they text and then they fuck
Lauren, how are you doing out there? Not too well not well
What? She's not she's not she's having a hard time. How come what are you using?
I'm nothing she's using tin knockers. No no
No computer knockers. I'm a cheaper tinder. Yeah
She's not the haters are working man. Well, I mean you you're not on tenderloin
No, I'm not doing that you're not doing that. Why is that cuz you're old school? I'm Italian. I don't like that stuff
I'm Italian I'm one tender, but in Italian it's much nicer
Bumble bumble the best one
Bumble the best one out there right now
Stop eating the microphone you're fucking screaming you do all that shit. But you don't need to, you can meet a girl.
Yeah, but sometimes you get bored during the day.
You just swipe away, swipe away, swipe away.
Yeah, that's it.
You're never gonna settle down with a girl.
You're never gonna meet a girl.
What's that?
Like Henry, settle down.
What are you settling down?
He's settling down, he found a girl.
Don't you think though that if you take away the responsibility of meeting somebody, getting to know somebody,
and you just make it to the point where I look on board
during the day I'm gonna meet a chicken, try to fuck her.
It's almost like you're gonna get used to that.
That's gonna be your relationship.
It is true.
I'm missing, pull the mic away from your mouth a little bit.
I'm missing, a couple times, a couple times I missed
some signs from checks that were like giving me openings.
I was used to just swiping, swiping, swiping, swiping. A couple of times I a couple of times I miss some signs from chicks that were like giving me opening Because I was usually just swiping swiping swiping swiping
A couple of I I got fucked up. I was like, oh shit. Maybe we should not do this as much. I stop for a little bit
But yeah, I mean, don't you think there's a part of it?
It's generational that everyone sees the new thing as like, oh, that's bullshit
You're not doing it right, but people meet all the time online there together
No, but this is a technological thing transcends anything that had happened even if it's like all the personal ads in the paper were the thing of the years ago
uh... lonely heart set but still you met the person you didn't just keep
corresponding in the new york times
classified section
and who said you want to
okay it's like i've got a chance to put my dick picture on the
yeah
back in the day back in the day you want to get a hooker you had to go
fucking drive around in your fucking car
in a shit neighborhood and have a chick get in your car
and suck your dick and find a spot.
Shit, I'm doing the hand,
I'm gonna have a chick get in here.
But now you can just fucking go on your computer,
call right to their house, they come to you,
do it out of the fucking one.
It's like the fuck relationship, you of the fuck you want it's but the public relationship you know I know it's
related but some of some people some you know people that's
there it's so convenient now to meet somebody or have somebody come over to
back of the day when you had to kind of work for it maybe you wouldn't go get
a prostitute maybe you wouldn't do that maybe just crank one out or when you
had a meat of chicken you had to take it out,
you're not gonna do that ever,
with a different chick all the fucking time,
maybe it got easier to do this than to jerk off.
Once those lines cross, it's easier to get laid
just at some whore online that it is to jerk off,
now society's fucked.
Well, I think it's gonna be harder to
for somebody to meet somebody uh... because you know that there is already in
the shit or two so that's kind of
time and i think
yeah no offense
newlyweds over here
i think it's not that i think that uh...
it'll just be by the protect legal protection marriage like people still
want to do something
uh... not not I know what doesn't I know in a lot of game marriages they have open relationship
Yeah, nail the cuff and kiss it. Yeah, I don't I think that's crazy
I think if you're gonna if you're gonna be in a relationship with somebody you should cheat on them secretly
I always believe you lied to the people you care about you cheat on you know what I mean
I believe the marriage. Yeah, saves it don't think it's
Anybody any guy I have a new who had these open thing what my girl. Let's me. It's always so fucking failed
It's always come to an end that horse shit always dies
That's how my marriage ended. Yeah, yeah, it was like oh, you know
My wife started hinting like I should get one of those
girls from the show.
And, you know, with the three of us, we'll go to a hotel, and I'm like, oh, yeah, that sounds
like a terrible idea.
I'll work on that immediately.
And I did.
And I got a girl.
And you waited fucking 20 minutes.
Oh, yeah, yeah, maybe that was a way to get longer.
She was actually in the closet.
Yeah, exactly.
No, and then we hooked up and hooked up throughout the whole summer with this girl.
And then by the end of the summer, I was like,
all right, take it easy to my life.
Whoa.
She gave me an ultimatum.
She's like, yeah, she's got to go or me.
And I'm like, later.
Wow, back for later.
I still went to girl.
Yeah, so you was for nine years.
You took the lock off the baby carriage
and wheeled her right out of the house.
That was it.
Please leave. I mean, it doesn't work.
Yeah, it doesn't work.
You really have to have some type of sacrifice
for a relationship to work.
There has to be some type of sacrifice.
In anything that you do,
I think there has to be some type of sacrifice.
And when you're not willing to,
look, look at me, I'm overweight because I'm not willing to be some type of sacrifice and when you're not willing to say look look at me
I'm overweight because I'm not willing to sacrifice what oh
Yeah, I don't know if you know this. Oh, yeah, I don't know if you notice
You have at some point
This is not the worst you've ever loved
Fucking Joe you just a mean person to be nice serious nice serious nice night and you got it
You were fucking with me the whole day. How was I fucking with you? Well, I don't like to talk about it
First of all you fucked with me. What do you mean as soon as we met you made me it's 900 degrees out
You have the gate of a fucking giraffe and I gonna follow you to Starbucks. I get them sweating bullets
Yes, and then you're in there just fucking your body had to go outside
Because he was
I got you a cookie you I didn't want a fucking cookie. I wanted a scone
I wanted a dry I like dry the old you get the more dry. I want it safely. I wanted a savory
I didn't want sweet socks this fucking nice moist oatmeal raisin
Yeah, I would I wouldn't want with that this clock so I can get a fucking cookie cuz he has the taste buds of a fucking 12 year old
Wrong with a CC and the estimate. I really doesn't have a tight ass
The mouth to match a two year old
I don't think you should make fun now that I'm diagnosed first of all and don't you get what when you know it's distracting to me
Listen when he when he told you he had a small mouth a type two the type two what did you say?
Sorry, you mean reason. Yes, fuck
Well, at first I was like how many types are there?
Is the type one largest or is it the smallest?
No I think type one is like a baby mouth I think.
Yeah, it's like a burn victim mouth.
I'm probably a type 2.
You don't have a small, you have a regular size mouth.
I think you do.
Not a small.
I don't think so. I think her mouth is fine. I don't yeah
I don't your mouth is obviously smaller than it should be. We got it right here. Yeah look at the types. Go back out. Go back on.
Come on.
T. Oh that's quite different than that.
I never heard that terminology. So maybe that's that Dennis is on.
Yeah, I'm not saying it. It's like day lingo. He's like you got a type two and I'm supposed to blow him.
It's just very hard to get into your mouth. That's what he said because you type two.
Like I just didn't fucking kiss and grummy. Maybe it's a reference to my breath.
Number two. Anyways, well listen, I'm fucking hungry get out of here. Oh fucking
Did you guys get you guys gave me a gift right what was the gift?
What is the gift first of all I love the back
Beautiful bag. Yeah, is it really?
You don't want that bag feel that bag. Yeah, is it really? Look at that.
You don't want that bag, feel that bag.
I feel like the bag's killing it more than the gift.
The bag is great, right?
You want to feel it?
That'd be great at the gift sucked.
Oh, I don't know what it is.
It's a chocolate chip cake.
Everybody's feeling it.
Carpet sucked.
Do you want to feel it?
You feel it back like this?
You should get a stick.
I'll fill it.
That's pretty good.
Let's see.
There's a lot of pink stuff in here.
Hey, Burr. OK, all right. There's, uh, whoa, what is this?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, it's a leather helmet when you fall.
Oh, you love the cowboy.
I see a girl.
First of all, my Patriot's fan.
Oh, yeah.
It's so special.
Perfect.
I really, I feel like fucking curly from the three stages right now.
Right.
Wow, I do.
Do you have sea fighter could he use that?
No, dude.
How funny is this used to be the helmet still?
This used to be the helmet stay used just before we need.
In the 40s and 50s, that was the helmet.
That's what I said. I'm telling you the error. and 50s. That was the helmet. Yeah, that's what I said
I'm actually take I'm taking this off you have to this is the dumb cap for you
Fuck up my hair though
What a fucking moron down in the 40s and 50s they used to wait no, I just said that
The more fucking concise way he honed it into the actual decade
You actually look good with that hat. Yeah, you really do like Johnny United
Oh, he played in 1950
61 oh, yeah, I'm screaming into the mic dumb dumb
So listen all right, let's wrap. Thank you very much. It's a nice. I am I'm a into the mic dumb dumb. So listen, all right, thank you very much.
I'm a fucking Patriot fan,
but I do, I like the Cowboys.
This should be a new segment.
How to not receive a gift properly.
I really know, I like the Cowboys.
I mean, it's America's team, right?
What's that from the ProShop?
What's that given the microphone, buddy?
We got it from the Cowboys ProShop.
That's great.
I really, we're gonna put this up in the back over here
All right, is that good? No, I'm gonna make scope over where every time he says something dumb
How's that? That'll be the dumb cap for everybody here. Thank you very much guys
Now when are you guys going back to you working Harley-Davidson?
No, I just like motorcycle. You have a bike. I have many motorcycles. Oh you do
I don't like any type of particular. Oh really?
I don't know. It's a shirt. So you're you ride motorcycles a lot now. Do you ride two sons? Hardly Davidson
I wrote a move. I write a move. Oh, no, does that does that disappoint you?
I got one of the gay signs we're talking about
It's a moment of fucking gay code
Texas so it's kind of girly, but
Oh, I'm gonna fucking gay code. Yes, that is Texas, so it's kind of girly.
Right.
Nah, he'll ride the hog someday.
So he'll ride the hog.
Easy with the gay, that's definitely gay code.
Oh, that's a hog.
It's got a parking right, he even headlights on him.
He's an expert on comedians.
We've seen more than hundreds, 200.
Oh no, shit.
Everyone you name, everybody you're talking about. Ah, that's great man. No, I really appreciate you guys
That's awesome. I love it. I'm hoarding the industry and good for you dude for being fucking cool
You kid yeah, man. I never I mean you know good for you. Don't take no shit up nobody
You're very like I'm just trying to make Anthony laugh
Everything working because I get every dumb movie reference
I love it. I am actually going to a Joe's premiere.
Oh, thank you.
Mark and Molly will be there.
Yeah.
Come on out.
Come on out.
I actually, I can't make it.
Shut up.
Come on.
You're on getting it.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Oh, thank goodness.
I am going to Colin Quinn's show tomorrow night, which is at 7.
I am.
I'm coming off that.
All right.
He's taping his down to pace university.
Ooh.
He's pacing his uh... another
a fucking other one-man show
yeah
no one else will work with that ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Nicarter. No, no, it's just fine. We're getting your smart and funny fuck you. Did he do he did race already, right? No, no
No, he's gonna. He got a book a New York story thing. New York stories race, but it's about New York race
Right, and how it doesn't matter and everybody talked about it politically and he had the book was about right the book was a
Coloring book coloring book, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's that's great. I mean if anybody could do it he could do it
He's a champ. He really is. I'm all right. Oh listen man. Let's go around the room Sarah. What do you got besides a beautiful husband?
You're gonna Montreal right?
What oh
What do you what's going on? What's in Montreal? Sarah's fucking hilarious and you actually
What's that this Sunday this comes out this Sunday? Yeah, why what's going on? What do you got? Oh?
They're just Twitter you Twitter. We're gonna be in Houston joke joy joke joy. I'm just coming out after but we'll be at
Sunnyvale
Sunnyvale
Throw some things out there. I feel like I'm speaking for you
Jesus I'm trying to talk to her. I don't want to go to the batterers class with me.
Do you have a tiny mouth?
Do you're talking?
Ruse to tease.
What's your Twitter?
Where can people find out where you're going to be?
At Stolamash.
What?
At-o-l-l-e-m-a-c-h-e.
Could you make it harder?
Wow.
I mean, it is a tough one.
Yeah.
That is a really tough one. but uh, look she's hilarious
Funny, hilarious. How did that TV show you did remember that we what the what was the
I'm fine. Yeah, what was that? That's great. Is it Hawaii? It's in Hawaii, right? Yeah, it already aired like in April
Where did it air? Where can people see it? It's on Comedy Central. You can probably find it on their website
where can people see it is on comedy central you can find it on their website are you you got to go check her out she's fucking alias these two together to
the funniest people around and i i love you guys dearly i mean joe is one of my
best friends but i've come to love sarah too i love it friend of us i love
you guys together because sometimes you see comics um couples and you're like
oh boy that's gonna fucking end uh... atrociously but like you rich and Bonnie
it's just too funny fucking people
and it's also such the lift
we're talking about Phil Hartman and his wife
what happened there?
anyways Joe what do you got besides a brand new
number one, number two maybe number three by now
it's number two right now but
let's check go check iTunes right now where everyone goes thing is.
Go buy it, oh crank up again.
Are you mad at me?
It's called, it's on iTunes or Amazon, wherever you get shit.
I don't know what, here you go.
And Sarah will be with me in Sunnyvale,
Rooster 2 Feathers in August, a couple of weeks.
And then we're doing the Relapse Theater,
which is fun, we're both sober.
We're doing the Relapse Theater, it's called.
Yeah. You guys are both sober? Yeahapse Theater, it's called. Yeah.
You guys are both sober?
Yeah.
No shit.
Seven or eight years, right?
That's great.
I love you guys.
A couple of weeks.
We're there, August 17th, Relapse Theater in Atlanta.
Wednesday, August 17th, come on.
We'll both be there.
And then that weekend, we're in Wilmington
at the Dead Crow Comedy Club.
And go buy my album and check out two things with stories.
Two stories, kick and ask. Yeah. Still. Funny pod. Anthony, what do you got besides dead crow comedy club and uh... go by my album and check out two things with stories to the stories kickin ass yeah still
funny but
uh... anthony what do you have besides fucking rehabilitation courses and i have
my uh... batters intervention on Thursdays
i have a lot of alcohol
counseling on Wednesdays
and uh...
all the other
how you doing with the drink are Are you, are you not drinking?
It's one day at a time, Bob.
It really is.
It's one day at a time.
I don't project.
I, I try not to look back.
I want to say something, right now.
Rejugate me.
What?
I'm going to say something right now.
Yeah, yeah.
You, you, you seem to be in a very good, you seem to be in a good
spirits, right?
Thank you.
And I'm glad that you're going, you're hanging out with Keith and his wife because they're
fucking great.
They love you.
You got a great staff.
I do.
But you do seem like, since you seem like in a great fucking, in a good space.
I've downshifted a little.
Good.
I've downshifted a couple of years.
I was, I was, I was going a little head long into some
Astrophes you got a lot of people your family your sister your brother you had a great family
You got a fucking great life a family. You got a lot of people that care about you look at look at this fucking intervention
Well, I'm just letting you know that you know that you go back you got to go back to her
go back to her. I don't know what the hell is this. Yeah, I have some bad news for Joe. What's that? You have dropped to number three. Oh,
shit. I bet. No more to cast not look at this. It's not number one. Number two, but you are up there with great comedians. Yeah, and Joe, I'm telling you right now you're one of the fucking funniest guys out there. Yeah, I'm actually okay. How was it? Yeah,
yeah, I feel great. I mean, you're not you're not like like Dan Soder, Mark Norman. But you're fucking. Oh, he's
Alms of Type 3. Yeah. And Joe, you're beautiful. I love you. I thought we were doing
Anthony. What the fuck? Yeah. Right. What happened? I was going to say you could catch me on
my show, the Anthony Kumio show. What's that again? Where is that? It's the Anthony Kumio show,
but it's on where can you get that? poundmedia.com.
The sources or the higher forces of the company decided,
now let's get your name off of the whole big picture.
Yeah, so I agreed wholeheartedly as the boss of the whole thing.
Yeah, you're kind of shitty Google.
It really is shitty Google fucking clickbait.
But it's a whole network.
So it's a Gavin McG all network so it's me Gavin MacGinnis
Gavin's great Pat Dixon, New York City crime report which is just great
it is a great is a crazy Eastside day McDonald's is a kind of pornographic
kid show I don't even know what it is yeah well he's where he gets his girlfriend
he's out of his mind he's not he is crazy you know Mike for no it we got a lot of great shows on on the platform
You built the network we got yeah building the network good you got to we got three great
Podcasts networks on the East Coast now. Yeah, which is rye cast yours and in now
What's digital? I want to have a meeting of all the podcasts that works
Yeah, now we just gonna
Reg it no stop broken. I'm still sitting what happened. It's I don't know like the thing stopped what happened
It's gay code
I think he was went down a notch
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm going on? Oh, dude you just literally shut down
You gotta stop listen Tim stop moving
He can't even move I gotta put pillows around you I must everything's fast no, he's not you literally
Not as aptly not fine. You just. You just shut down this whole computer?
Is that true?
It's gone.
Oh my god.
It's gone.
We're still on the audience.
As we learned from the beginning, so the computer
means nothing.
Yeah.
If I was on that train, I would have protected that Indian kid
because my Indian kid protects me.
Got a kid.
OK?
You can sing as much as you want.
Oh, fucking knock you out.
Oh, good. Oh, good. That was pretty good. Deva, we're good? Yeah. Okay, you get sing as much as you want Fucking not
Pretty good people were good. Yeah, I got an interesting question chat. I'm gonna go to chat
Buddy, I'm got it. We're gonna go to chat. I'm getting everybody's thing and we're gonna go for chat
This is where I do it every week. I just said buddy was for the little aggressive. Yeah, we'll shut the fuck up
Oh, that's even more history
Well, good good. What do you guys? All go? You can find me on stuck porn now
What does this come out who the fuck's not fucking go to stuck
Point by the next one this Sunday just comes out
Check me out at the Portland Helium go to my website markdormacommi.com
At Mark dorm on Twitter and listen the Tuesdays with stories on iTunes.
Yes, we're pandering to the left.
Yes. Do you really? No, it's a joke.
I'm just trying to fucking be, play along.
Mark, you're fucking awesome. I love you. Thanks coming on, man.
I go to the chat room real quick before we go to Tim.
Before you fucking knock something else over. This fucking big gay foot.
You use that code, I'm not blowing it.
That's why I chose to do it.
I'm trying to do it.
Bobby, I'm gonna fucking kick your computer.
You know what that means.
Drew Epps says, hey Bobby, did you know that on Google you were credited with writing a book
about Dehikes in Malaysia?
Is that right?
That's true.
I googled it.
It's great. Is it really? That's true. I go to the beach. That's really great.
Is it really day hikes?
Yeah.
That's how the fucking bombs meet out about the internet.
Is that these fucking fucking pieces of shit.
Yeah.
And just do, you know, these fucking assholes with some, just time on their hands and knowledge
can just fucking make you an asshole.
Yeah. And there's nothing you can do about it.
You have to have your people,
if you have to have people first of all,
then they have to go and fucking talk to somebody,
and call some of your people.
That was a lengthy sentence.
Yeah, I fucking have lengthy thoughts.
You should write a book.
Okay, I did.
All right, all right, all right.
It's called, it's called,
I'm dating a high, all right. It's about gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
It's about gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
It's about gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
It's about gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay. It's about gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay. It's about gay, gay, gay. It's about gay. It's about gay. It's about gay. It's about gay, gay.
It's about gay. It's about gay. It's about gay. It's about gay. It's about gay. It's about gay.
It's about gay. It's about gay. It's about gay. It's about gay. It's about gay. It's about gay. It's about it. Who's that? Prophecy. I think that means the blue shirt. I don't know what that means.
How is he prophecy face? He's got beautiful hair.
It could mean true. It could mean that he doesn't have hair, but you have hair, but you're
hairless on your face. That's a terrible on your face. It's terrible, but I'm just trying
to explain. I'm going to say something something about psychopath and chat might be uh... talking about
say something about the little ginger red headed girl behind fucking anthony
all
uh... i know you know the good stuff
no one likes it
the dad's like what you say about my kid
okay what else you got
uh...
what was the question
he's just i think somebody trying to be funny
oh yeah
yeah i just i get that as a kid too.
I blame you for this.
People would say that a waitress would come over to the table
and be like, and what do you want, sweetie,
like little girl or something like that?
And my father gets so pissed.
I told him cut his hair, bro.
It looks like a fucking girl, bro.
Yeah.
It isn't knowing, though.
I had a fucking old guy, Max had long hair like a few months ago.
And he was like, ah, I want a cute little girl. I go to boy. He goes what cut her cut his hair
Or why did old guy got mad at me? I just said why did you paint his fucking nails?
I did a show with you today remember. Yes, he might I painted my kid his kids fucking fingernails
You want to do it right? Thank you. He just says why he goes I want it
He goes he wanted his nails painted.
So I was like, all right, my wife bought blue paint
and I painted as he wanted his nails painted.
If it's blue, it's all right.
I'm a gay stuff.
That's not pink, he's not fucking.
I'm not a queen.
I'm not a queen maker.
I like to have lipstick and anything.
No, no, no.
Well, lip gloss, but listen.
And then his wife bought like a kitchen cooking set,
like toy thing, to play with pops at the end.
Yeah, but then you can't make a guy gay from,
first of all gay guys don't paint their nails.
Oh, some of them do, some of them.
But not most of them don't.
Most gay guys do.
Most gay guys don't paint their nails.
No, I'm most on.
They paint their friends back. Hey guys, don't paint that in. No, I'm most done. Yeah, and. And. And. And if you can't make your kid gay from things,
I can't, you know, buying a little fucking
painting his nail or getting him a kitchenette,
just like you can't make him ungay
by fucking handing him a drill.
Maybe.
You know what I mean?
True.
My father gave me a give me a drill.
He's like, go out back and figure it out. He depends on what and get out and I'm watching the chuck you put a dildo on the
end of it and saddened what else you got anything else and campos says
list in Norman for president I vote I vote for that I don't think you can do
it no let's just do liberal I go Norman I I'll vote. You have to be 35 to run for president.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
Well listen, there's been a fucking great show.
I think-
What about Tim?
You can get to Tim.
I know I'm getting to him.
I'm making my speeches.
I make speeches at the end.
You stop trying to fucking dictate my show.
Everybody else said it too.
You've been jealous.
You've been jealous.
Skip Tim, because you're home of Fober.
I'm in where else are you going to be breaking shit? I'm going to take another computer you're home before But I'm where else are you gonna be breaking shit another computer? Yeah
I'm going I'm getting to him. I'm saying it's been a great show making a little fucking speech. Sorry
You've been on the fucking show so long Sarah fucking nice sits there and talks add stuff
You're just trying to bully me into your show stop trying to come you didn't stop calling a bullet
It's like how do you bully trying to do a little reverse. You're a bully. You've been you've
been fucking nerd bullying. You're gay. Words and sentences. You're gay. I'm what?
You're gay. What the fuck? Anyways, Tim. What do you got?
Tim J. Dylan on Twitter, Empire City, Casino and Yonkers, August 17th. Now, have you
played that run before? Not yet. No, buckle up. August 18th of 19th I'll be with I'll be with Dan Soder on step on the gas and do not
Dan Soder to Vermont comedy club August 18th and 19 I'm doing that fucking club. Should be fun
Yeah, you were is Dan headlining of course. Yeah, I'm gonna feature there
I'm afraid to ask you to feature for me because I think you might want to be the second dick
That's what I think
I think it's very
Very exciting
Nobody wants to see two tubbies
Two steak two guys
I dick can't touch cuz they're our stomachs. Yeah.
What's the deal with the Empire City Room?
It's, no, it's a thing.
Look, it doesn't stink.
You can have a good time there.
It's just a-
I say lower your expectations.
Yeah, no.
I actually, look, it's through Chris Italia.
And I don't think I've gotten a check from it.
I'm still waiting for that.
I'm giving it to you. It's on its way. I call Frosty.
That's my fucking chrysotat.
Vouchers for slotmissierble.
I know. I'm not good at it. I'm not Dan Soda.
Yeah, I'll get you the money.
It's coming up tomorrow.
You do a good already like. Do it already.
Vouching the right.
Yeah, yeah. First of all, I didn't like the stuff. You do a good already like do it already
First of all I didn't like the stuff I can stomach junk that you made though if I can
I gotta I gotta build up to it here. Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, I did the Empire casino. It was you know, you know when I was on Howard I sold it out
Coming around to that that's how I did I did the Empire casino. I went up step myself on the stomach
All right, so what else you got?
Team Jay don't Twitter all the dates are up there. I'm gonna do some stuff of Chris cathartus great coming up So excited about that. What what is that? Oh?
He's a great comic and I open for him sometimes
Oh cool man. Well, I definitely have you on some gigs with me. We should put you on yeah, I am
Tomorrow night if it's live great show. I'm gonna host now. Yeah, come out to that
Second I did fucking great always bringing it man. You're great. This is a great show. It's one of my favorite shows in a long time
I love all you guys.
Sarah, thanks for coming on.
You guys, Keith, you guys are, I'm fucking, I don't even know how old you fucking
cuck's that because you guys are already a father.
He's listening to a different podcast right now.
Yeah, he's just, what are you guys doing?
Two days of stories.
Yeah.
Are you really?
Is there anything in the chat worth mentioning?
No.
Come on, she's smarter than Deepo.
Yeah, I'll make water to dog shit here
Deepu. What do you got buddy? Twitter and Instagram are to deepu and put out these videos every week
It's like monologue jokes one minute a week so you can check those out. What is that? I'll set
What is it? Yeah, what is it some in a monologue jokes? I just don't we can we hear it?
Do we have to wait now?
Before we take off I can you bring it? Do we have it right now? We sure we know. We'll watch the air before we take off.
Yeah, we got it.
Like, can you bring it up?
Where is it at?
It's on my, yeah.
Quick, Tim, kick to computer.
I'm going to die, horrible definitely.
I need pizza.
Anybody getting pizza?
Yeah, it's a thing of pizza.
Pizza on Bobby.
Yeah.
Pizza on Bobby.
But we're going to gram my pizza. Gram our slice, you gotta pick our slices.
Smile whatever, you buy the ad.
But I have a grandma.
You have it.
Have cheese, have indian food.
What are you doing?
What's going on?
I love that Bobby opened by saying he has control issues and ending by offering to buy
us pizza of his choice.
Well, can I tell you why?
I don't like Ben's regular slice.
I like the grandma slice if we're good
It's alright. I really last night. Grandma pizza at Ben's is the best
That you're gonna get a slice. Let's go to Joe's and I'll buy a whole pizza. I like Ben's better than Joe
I'm a better let's do a Ben's the best
I'm a higher to it. Ben's is not better than Joe. Ben's is better than Joe's and the space you can sit in there
Ben's is pretty good. Ben's is great. You guys are all young assholes. No shitty taste
But what is there to be necessitating a grandma? I will fucking is a fat piece and a grandma's It's sitting there. Ben's is pretty good. Ben's is great. You guys are all young assholes. Not a shitty taste bud.
What is it between us assulating on the grandma?
I will fucking.
It's a fat piece and the grandma's grunt.
Grandma pizza is a crunchier.
It's a flakier crust and the sweeter and the cheese is better.
So the problem is dead.
Here we go.
Everybody's on the phone with us.
I like a big fucking triangle.
Here we go everybody. Oh, wait, what is this? Oh, time in US history, local law enforcement used a big fucking triangle. All right, here we go everybody. Oh, what is this?
Oh, time in US history, local law enforcement
used a remote control device armed with an explosive
to take out a criminal.
Now this is big news, because now we
know the police unlock perks like in Call of Duty.
Only five more kills, and they can call an air strike
by pressing L2 and R2.
It was later reported that the device used was a remote tech andross Mark V, which is
a relief because up until then, we were picturing them strapping C4 to Disney's lovable
wall-ease.
Can we get a nicest video?
That's a tough question.
You're going to be becoming more common. The fact that Mark V costs $150,000
should put you at ease.
Sooner or later, they're going to
realize catching a bad guy may not
be worth a Ferrari into half.
On the other hand, it does cost the
state that much to keep one inmate
for three years, so we could be
seeing droid armies way sooner than
expected.
Hey, remote tech, can we get a thousand
or your finest droids, please?
Oh.
I'm gonna go kill myself.
Yeah.
I'll see you guys later.
Now play the video.
Yeah.
I'm literally not hungry.
Answer the hitter.
I'm not, I'm not hungry.
I've never. Oh my god. Anthony hit him. I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry. I'm never.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
This is how we're going to solve the world's problems.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
This is how we're going to solve the world's problems.
Oh my god.
This is how we're going to solve the world's problems.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh
What you say
I I'm so I was so fucking starving before that clip I
Fucking I will throw up right now
Topical and had a visual element. Yeah, I say this is my I think we should go around the room with pointers
But I think you got some more energy in there
I'll have to do a laugh track because I
Thought about no laugh sounds really bad. No, yeah, well, I think you got to do a life track
And you got to spice it a little energy there. You don't make it look good like it's from a nanny cam
You don't make it look like it's from a nanny cam
Would just do did you wear lipstick why are you so
Yeah, I don't think it was the jokes it was just you were so low energy inside
And a big laugh track make it ridiculous
I can feel a pulse in my asshole right?
That's how fucking annoyed I am Well listen, Yeah, I got real quiet. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh my god. Well, listen, you know what though?
At least I was vulnerable, I guess. Yeah, you're vulnerable and you're trying to create. So good for you.
Oh, thanks, buddy. You're actually...
The series was over, by the way. That was not...
No, no, no, no, no.
You cannot fucking end that series.
That series has to go on and on. It's a one day we're all here and we go it's good.
Yeah, yeah, and I watched some other one. What topics do you hit on?
I did the is another one. No, no,
Is there another one? No, I watch one. I'm on vlogging everything.
Did you really? Let's watch one more. Maybe it's one more.
It's hard to tell from one video. Let's watch one more.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, the first time it failed Sticks.
Right.
There it is.
I'm watchable.
All right, let's watch one more.
Yeah, pull up one more.
Which one?
The Rio Games.
Yeah, we got a Rio Games.
That's trouble because you've applied the different goods.
The Sticks and Rio are almost upon us.
Stop, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, real quick.
Stay on the phone.
No, pause as long as you want. I love that he did the old Rio backdrop he
changed his curtain yeah that is the tonight show right this tonight's the
background
background from beginning I want to
want to start oh yeah hungover what's going on you're like mad
you don't like my outing into the camera
dirty immigrant family
some of the games in Rio are almost upon us but some say the city is not ready.
Brazil's embattled government is dealing with unruly using an accent.
Are you doing the accent? No.
Libertly timed to coincide with the cup. I know how could anything bad happen in a city where you
can experience this every night. That's funny. That's funny.
Now, it may seem like I just showed you a slice of heaven.
Are you driving the Olympics in your city
as a huge undertaking?
You know, you've got half a million tourists,
expect to attend, you've got the entire world watching.
Maybe they should consider dialing it down
a little bit this time around.
Maybe just have events like track or field.
Having the jadalans
in the throat, hey? Stop,'s an event called Track and Field,
and the Rio is not doing well financially,
so they can track or do it.
Oh!
Oh!
That sounds like a thing.
Oh, now it's something.
Thanks, guys.
For locals.
And maybe tell that pole vaulter to stay up there,
where it's safe.
What I like to call uprising during an uprising.
Oh!
OK, well, Trump will be elected.
I think that's pretty.
Wow.
I'm addicted.
It's like a smelly food or something.
I have to try it again.
I want to watch 19 of these.
Got to go a little more.
Is there one more?
No, no.
You got to make more, baby.
You can not stop doing these. As a father, I rather walk. He's like a kim dill and getting raped in the ass. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You never know. I think they could get better if you let somebody else like starring them Like a dance soda, but and let somebody else write them. Listen though. I
Think it's not that bad. He has this something there. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's clips a cease and desist from BBC
Why do you you got the two people that do the dance fucking thing was good? Yeah, yeah, look man fucking I mean you're doing something you try and yeah
I want to I want to be able to create content on a regular basis like a like in a week to week and good
Ridiculousness without that pesky humor
Look man, don't stop doing it. Don't I mean look it go and I'll try some more energy
Maybe put a lap track and I think energy to lap track
I think energy to lap track and stop with these,
don't pause, don't go, get to the thing and go,
and then they went home.
Don't do that, that's fucking ridiculous.
You had more pause than a kitten.
Oh, damn.
That's cute.
No, it's a good note.
Energy in a lap track did wonders for those holocausts.
Yeah, trying to do an impression of the video, but I feel like no one it didn't
Now it's perfect. You need to you need to quit no
Quit you should do more but add a laugh on the private server
Adam though add a laugh track and you should fucking yeah, I feel weird the laugh track, because now I'm just like faking the response.
Yeah, we are too.
Sponsored.
No, but it's not a spade, it's just, you know, it's bad.
It's just the format.
You're doing it as comedy, you're not adding a laugh track
to make people laugh.
That's where the joke's supposed to be.
So that way, if it's not there, there's a laugh at least.
It's not dead air.
It's just us staring at some fucking little Indian kid. That's what it feels like. Yeah, I say do you keep doing those?
That's keep I'll say this about that video. Yes better than anything Scopus ever done
I didn't mean Joe well, I was up for a laugh on
That's what Joe does Bobby Joe will say something and then he goes you're not mad at me, right?
Yeah, that's a human that's called Joe list. Yeah, he's it but what's the name of your album?
It's called are you mad at me? Yeah, I had something to say. Yeah, Sarah scope. Oh, have you two videos? Oh?
Scoop all YouTube. I'm a stand-up videos. No, he doesn't
I'm not watching mad. I'm not ending on a fucking low-low note
You don't get mad at Bobby. I'd rather watch P headings. Why do you get mad at him? Why he pays me sometimes
Which I can say the same
Bobby goes to be $800 I don't how the fuck did it get up to 800 rows and I bought you fucking everything today and we're getting pizza pizza
Pizza party pizza party went on me. I'm buying pizza. I'm not getting this fucking gay pizza
You like the chicken whatever it is
Indian blood. Yeah, Indian blood straight pizza. All right straight
Good. I got you. I got you don't exclude me from pizza. You're in baby baby. We're gonna get pizza right now. I want to thank all
you guys for coming in. I fucking love it. I thank you guys for coming in and having a good time. Do you have a good time?
Thank you for the gift. Lauren, Deepa, what are you, first of all, what do you got, Scopo?
I'm about to laugh it up. July 30th with Louis J. Gomez. Okay. He's headlining. he's headlining he's headlining um it had to happen did it yeah well
yeah fucking nine years in the business and then July 29th I'll be at
governors I'm check it out that's great who are you with the governor Lauren what
do you got baby I think it's like a certain how shall they don't how fun
razor for seaford lacrosse that mean scope hole will be doing no it's not a
cross it's always like two things in a ridiculous it's like seaford lacrosse that mean scope hole be doing no it's not a cross
It's always like two things in a ridiculous. It's like seafood lacrosse and brain cancer
It was like brain cancer and like you know, he's met all across softball team. Oh, yeah, what do you have besides a lonely bed?
Why are you gonna? Do it why?
What about fucking look at it? So lonely. Why don't you get on Tinder? I don't understand. Because I don't want to do it. Why? You just, what about Famba?
What about fucking, look at it.
And that just goes to your stinger, right?
Nice man right here.
Are you single?
She's probably been through puberty, stop.
She's saying.
It's, no.
She's, she's, that could just go to show you though,
how not, how she go, oh yeah, not getting laid up this
that, how not desperate she is.
You bring up like Tinder, she's like, nah, I'm not
going to do that.
Like a guy that isn't getting laid is just sw swiping like a madman yeah you're still like nah she knows it's like oh
what tinder i'll just go out to a bar shake my ass a little and she'll fucking that's what i do
we go on her uh two large cheese pizza and a grandma pizza for us please yeah
yeah it bends yeah okay two large is that good that's paper like he paid for the second to
Go to them go and I'll and I'll be over to yeah, just go over there. It's quicker. Yeah, sorry
Yeah, take my fucking wallet. Yeah
I get a team grab like 440 bucks for me
T-shirt grab a rope for me to hang myself. No, dude. You're not bummed out about that. I am
What that test showing did not really catch the criticism? Yeah, I think it is very
Bands is cash Benz is cash cash only you're belt undone. Yeah, undo my belt. Oh boy. Why?
All right, how much is a piece? That's good. In New York about 38 bucks
Yeah, they're for 60 is that good?
That should do it. Yeah, just take a see
On a lot I want a fucking grandma pizza and no one
I said one fucking one and no to cheese a at silly and grandma a cheese to say in a grandma
I'm not fuck what's the saying so if you fucking to say it's good
I'm not so great. I have to sell you guys do I'm doing grandma. Well, this is I'm getting two slices
All right, that's good. I want two corners. You got it. All right. What are you doing Anthony if there's only square pizza?
I'm not eating any of those actually cheese regular but good that's what I like cheese
what are you coming us you know I like cheese no pepper yeah yeah a large
cheese yeah yeah large cheese and a fucking yeah a bottle of wine I know I'm
kidding now we can eat it's a great what a lot I'm gonna let's go
dates July 21st 22nd 23rd why I do sound like Kermit the frog
Me me me me me me me me me you'll be a punchline fill and filly. That's that's for people live this weekend
I'm a punchline filly. You got deep who energy
People are listening to her
29th 30th 31st, Laugh Out Loud, San Antonio. San Antonio.
And I think after that, the week after that,
I'm going to LA for the TCA's for Sex,
Strikes, and Rock'a Roll.
Make sure you're TCA's, yeah, it's like,
you know, the up front, it's,
it's not up front, it's, you know,
they go there, it's really weird.
You go there, it's all the shows on TV
have their own day at this hotel.
Oh, cool. And like, like all the networks on TV have their own day at this hotel and like like all the network so Fox
Has there weekends all Fox shows which is effects and blah blah go to this hotel in Pasadena and
You go in front you do a panel in front of all the press in the world
Oh, so it's almost like you go on this stage and everybody has a just this
So it's almost like you go on this stage and everybody has a just this their face is a glowing from the laptops And they're just staring at you and they're writing about your show
Yeah, so you have to do this panel and but ours is kind of fun
We fuck off and have fun with it, but they can be very boring like I've watched a couple of minutes
Just actors talking about acting which can be like you know I, I won the part, I wanted to, it's like,
woof, but what day is Deepo's video?
Ha ha ha ha, when is your video coming out?
I don't know yet, schedule's changing.
Anyways, also I'll be there.
I might try to do some podcast when I'm out there.
My marion is coming out, I think coming out soon.
So, and also, my tour is up it's not
announced yet we're still waiting on some artwork but go to robcatedlive.com
true story tours up which is September October November December I'm all over
the fucking place. Just little rock venues, theaters and clubs.
I'm taking Star Rose with me.
I might maybe take a fucking Tim.
Tim, I'm gonna add some shows,
but it's gonna be a cool,
we're gonna do little rock spots in Cleveland, Eerie.
Drum Solo halfway through the set.
Drum Solo halfway through the set.
I don't know man, I'm gonna try to,
it's gonna be whatever, you know what I mean?
I was gonna go by myself, but I'm like, fuck it,
let's just go have fun.
Yes.
So you should have put a guess bot between Tim and you,
he's pretty strong, man.
And then the buffer is what I'm saying.
I mean, like, some of your stuff, I think it's a scopo spot.
I don't like that.
I fucking say nothing but nice things about this guy.
And all he does is put me down.
I'm not, first of all, it's like,
I put him up, I'm coming back.
I'm coming back.
Yeah, you put me down by doing that.
And then he, he trashes my show.
All he does is fucking put me down.
I said you should name your episode.
I'm not hungry.
Hardest I've laughed every night in my life.
I said you have a ninja turtle head.
That's very sweet.
That's nice and you've been picking up my small mouth which has been diagnosed. I asked you nicely now that I'm diagnosed medically. I don't think we should be poking fun. I have a
condition. So Ed is going to robbercadalive.com, you're the fucking best fans of the world.
Thanks for coming out. Thanks for listening, live in the chat room and you guys
Thanks for listening live in the chat room and you guys
Subscribe review and make sure you download the app at iTunes and
on on the Android network and
Subscribe, it's 199 a month you guys have already done it. I fucking love you to death
Thanks for supporting the show. It's
199 a month get the app for your phone, which is free and I'm doing a bunch of one-on-ones
nine a month. Get the app for your phone, which is free. And I'm doing a bunch of one on ones. There's a we got a creeps with kids show that's happening on August 30th. Me,
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underground. It's us doing stand up about our kids and then a panel about parenting.
That's going behind the paywall. So if you don't see it live you're only gonna get it for premium members of the YKWD so go join now it's a buck
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