Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Luis: The Kid and the Condor

Episode Date: September 19, 2013

Robert and Luis J Gomez do a spontaneous bonus episode from RiotCast studio.   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid.

3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar tu del 3 por 1 en mediana, alomicidio solo pidiendo al line. ¿Saparao? 3 por 1, 3 por 1,icilio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por 1, 3 por 1, ah no, no, no. ¡Dominos! Picha. ¿Buscas contenido gratis?

¡I wanna be see! Fluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o sensación de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Fluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. in all your devices. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? On the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. All right, check it out.

Here are my dates. You guys are always asking me where you're going to be playing when he comes into my town. There he is. When he comes back to Jersey, man. When he comes back to the Maryland. Well, here you go here are my dates So get a pen and a piece of paper and Jotted down October 10th 11th 12th

McGubby's Joe Cousin Maryland love that club too and then I'm back October 24th at the Revelle casino Brand new casino Atlantic City. I'm doing an hour show, one show only. That's a fucking good time. So get your tickets for that. October 25th, 26th, comedy works Albany. October 31st, Fannybone, Sacra. Where is it, Syracuse? That's the 31st, through the third.

That's a long one. That's up in Syracuse. I think that's a new club, the funny bone in Syracuse. October 31st to November 3rd. November 7th, 8th, 9th. I'm in Toronto, Canada for the Dark Comedy Festival. T.Dodd, baby. December 6th, Side Splitters, all the way to December 8th, in Tampa. Tampa, I love Tampa. December 27th, comedy shop, blackstone, blackstone. I don't know what the fuck that is. It's my wife fucked up on this one, so she's gonna have to fix it. But that's enough, you get it.

Go to robbercallylive.com right now. If I didn't mention your town, it might be up on my website. If not, email me. The club you want me to come to and I will make sure my agent is on it. So there you go. Check this out. It's the intro for the really quick intro. Lewis Gomez. We were up in the studio. I turned the mic so on

sometimes. We weren't even supposed to do a podcast. We were writing this idea. We had a little writing project. His wife was there, the kid was there, and you know some shit came up. Apparently, him and his wife have been in an argument of at each other or she's been mad at him ever since he did the show where he admitted that he jerked off in the Hospital while she was in labor So I just turned the mic son sometimes You know give you guys a nice Thursday special podcast no

The owner of the comedy seller the condor is in the building I came up and he jumped in with his fucking thoughts and we just kind of did a nice quickie. So here you go, Thursday podcast, really quick, special, Lewis J Gomez, his baby's mama, the kid, and the condor. Enjoy. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. The kid and the condor Enjoy Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Larry. This is Opie from a lot of things This is Bert Kreiser. Staying cooking you are listening to Robert Kelly's you know what dude? You know what dude

If you be by a if you be boo, dippy Dippy, dippy, dhyah, yabba, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, dhyah, d Welcome to YKWD, Secret Show. I'm your host, Louis J. Gomez, hanging out with Robert Callie, the originator of the YKWD podcast. Somebody. Your kid is gnawing through my headphone wire. My son, he's not. That must be awesome. Wire.

What was that? He loves wires. Yeah, that's actually live. I know. And Beatrice LaBarrish. Is that your last name? Yeah. LaBarrish. LaBarrish. Is that your last name? Yeah. LaBarrish?

LaBarrish? Yeah. What happened? You were supposed to be married to like P. Diddy. Oh, a fucking like Donnie Walberg. Do you understand that? You were supposed to be married to somebody, somebody else. What happened?

I don't know. I got trapped. Bang boozled. Shanghai. She meant me I was fucking in crazy shape. That was it. That was it. That was it. That's not what I was. I knew that. There's no way. What was it? I don't know. I have issues with... I do. I have rescuing issues. So you basically want to work at a clinic, like a dog clinic? I was like a mud bitch who's in there. They were going to put me down like three days later and she came in and just fucking left me. Why do you have rescuing? The sad part is he's a step up for my ex-boyfriend.

Are you shit at what do you day before? Jeffered Dahmer. Could you use an older reference? Fuck an idiot. Oh, Obama. Who? Who did you day before? Um, he was this guy that he was seven years older than me and he still lived at home with his mom. Jesus Christ. Where? Where at home? I met him when I was really young now. Oh, he still lives at home with his mom and he's 40 now Washington Heights And so is he a black dude? He's Dominican Dominican models well, baby So is the Dominican dude so you like the Spanish? Yeah, Spanish. No, what are you? I'm French and Irish your French Irish. So you're like European. Yeah, so that's why you like the exotic American

You don't like the regular old white American dude. You like exotic America. Yeah. So that's why you like the exotic American. You don't like the regular old white American dude. You like exotic American. Yeah. You like danger. You like, where's your family now? St. Louis and Michigan. And are they just regular French white people? Yeah, I mean they're a merit.

They're a French white. They're a major. Oh, but yeah, be all twisted. Hey, you coming home? Have some boyy lips. They're like my family is not they're very American. They're not like mall of America people white trash White trash are you from a white trash house? Um my dad's side no my mom's side has some one floor in your house Is there a no upstairs? Um It's trailers

Mainly trailers Right Oh no, I'm came in See the con That's a Jew The condor has entered the building The condor has entered the building What's up? What are you going? Do you know Lewis?

You know Lewis's wife Beatrice the Veritas, which is she is yeah, she listens to comedy seller every episode Yeah, it's great. I don't like that he has fans You know by the way known as awkward with compliments. Did you just see that? Yeah, no him can't take all compliments That was unbelievable. He was like, ah, thanks. So, what happened? Why?

All right, so when you find out you pregnant with Lewis' baby, you guys tried to have a baby. No. No, oh boy. I mean, I tried. I just want to go back and everybody. you know how women usually get pregnant to trap the guy? Well, it was the opposite with us.

Really? I want everybody listening to go back when I asked that question. And I want you to listen to Beatrice's no. It was just so no. It was just so honest. And no, I didn't, we did not try to make a baby. Wait, is this ever gonna go out to anything? Yes.

Really? Yeah. Cause I have to apologize on YKWD. This is my opportunity. If this actually going up to something, not till after. Not till after the three weeks. Yeah.

Cause Beatrice has been furious with me since the episode about how I talked about jerking off in the hospital while she was giving birth to her son. It's like effect at our relationship on multiple levels. Has it really? Yes. Really be.

I don't know what bothers me more is the fact that he's immature enough to where he couldn't wait to be in a proper place to do that or... Where is a proper place to do that or where is a proper place to do that but comfort of your own home okay or best by bathroom best by bathroom that's even better the hospital bathroom where I'm giving birth to our son right not a proper first of all all right let me clarify something the way that he described it how disrespectful to me it was I don't understand what that means she no, no, look.

I thought you, she doesn't listen to the podcast. She listens to me. I don't really, but I heard her. No, when Kelly, when you can fetch all the Kelly for Stuka comes out at lunch and says, oh dear, the last podcast mate, he said he was checking off in the bathroom. Oh, yeah.

You fucking idiot. So, no, here's, here's the thing. I, the, the podcast got away from me and I didn't really articulate the exact way that it happened. I want to, I, before you articulate the exact way you thought, you wished it would happen. Why were you mad? What, I forget how it went down.

What did he just say? What did he say? Because first of all, if he's a real ass dude, how he claims to be. Right. And to be, he would have been honest about it and said that it wasn't, on the podcast, he made it all dramatic, like he did it while I was in labor, which according to him, unless he's lying, according to him, he did it before they even induced me.

Yeah, way before they fucking induced you, you were in the hospital and fucking, I think it's still inappropriate. It's not inappropriate, okay? It's not inappropriate. For an adult. You know, you're going to be fucking 25 hours in a hospital room. No, you know what? You don't want to walk around and have your dick rub against your jeans. When you get a hard on, you have rub one out and you get the evil out of you. Okay. Every guy out there knows what I'm talking about. First of all, if it would have been a surprise labor, maybe I could have understood that because

I know you have a high libido, but it wasn a surprise labor it was inducing you should have done it at work that night before you got home knowing that you were gonna take me to the hospital the fact that she's having the fact that she's conceiting at all to you is fucking monumentally mind-boggling the fact that this woman is saying you couldn't you couldn't wait 48 hours to jerk off while we had our son. Oh, I know. It's... Do you understand? I'm a guy, you understand? Exactly.

I should be on your side, but the fact that you're defense stinks. No, here's what you're saying. No, her problem is, it sounded like she was in labor pushing and I was jerking off in the bathroom. You were what you were jerking off while she was pushing. No. But that's how he made it sound on the back. I didn't really need to make it sound that way. Just kind of turn into a fucking joke and everyone's laughing and I'm like, hey guys, I know we're all having a good time right here. Let me just clarify. It wasn't a scum as it seems. James, what do you think? But here's the thing. It bothers you that he did that. Yeah, it bothered me in general,

just that he did it. He didn't, that he can't be a mature enough male to either wait 48 hours or do it before because he knew when I was gonna be in do. Right, can I schedule? So we had sex as we were going to the hospital for you to be in do. What do you mean in the car?

Oh, like yeah, right before the wheel left out. Okay, that's normal though. Yeah, so you had sex and then you had to still jerk off. You jerk off again in the house. Why did you have to jerk off though? Why, I've never had a situation where I had to jerk off. You never had a situation where you just kind of like... I've been in Juvee jail.

No, I've never had to. Never had to. I could wait. There's always, I can wait. I've never go, I gotta do this. I got it. It's never happened. You could just get my back a little bit on this. You'd be really helping out my home life right now. If you could just I favor if you could just for a second. Oh, yeah, you know, dude. I get it. You know, I work guys. You know guys do shit like that. No, that copy doesn't get it because he went home. Listen, dude. here's a deal. I didn't jerk off for nine days.

You told me, you see this way, you don't even remember the fucking lies you had. What did I do? You told me you went home while she was in the hospital to jerk one out, and then you came back. No, but he went home because you did see that, you see, but you, but you know, Lucy,

you see, sometimes you gotta crank it out. But at least, I don't understand why But at least he went home. I mean I would honestly go I did Whatever there's no comment I would not appear in a hospital I would never ever in a million years think about jerking off in the bathroom

in the hospital with my wife in the same room Because you're a mature house Well she's giving But there's nothing sexual about it okay it was all aggression it was like I was raping my own dick this is why you need therapy you should go to Allen is too far away dude he's not too far away from the west side where 70 second and what an Amsterdam two three train I am a couple blocks from the two three literally you're a five there in 15 minutes ten minutes minutes. You should go see Alan.

What's his deal? What's his rate? It's a scale. Can I get it? Can I get it? It's a scale. Yeah, you can go. It's a scale. Just tell him you're living social things.

Show him your tattoos and you'll get the lowest rate. Trust me. I'll do more, by the way, next week my buddy Jesus. All you have to do is talk to him and he'll be like, look it, why don't we just do this for free for a while? This is on me. You fight, you messed up, dude. I mess and I apologize profusely.

And all she wanted me to do was come back on the podcast and clarify. You're real ass dude. And be a real ass dude. She keep on mocking me with this by the way. I know, and I love it. Don't sarcastically call me a real ass dude. It's making me furious every time you do that.

Okay, I'm half sarcastically about it. You guys can't be sarcastically about it. You guys can't be sarcastic about it. No, I'm gonna ask you a question. Yeah. In that microphone. Please, hey, let me get this out of me. Do you, he is having a problem right now. They got into a big fight because on my podcast, he admitted that he,

in the hospital, while she was in labor, he went into the bathroom and rubbed one out. Pfft. No. No. Now, no, if there's a real ass dude, he may not look like a real ass dude, but he is one of the most real ass dudes that I know.

When it comes to being a man, no, the condor, as I call him, is a real ass dude. Now, no, if anybody's gonna get your back. It's him Is that while and she has a problem with it? Know that he announced it on the podcast, but he made it sound like while she was while she was pushing no Everyone else made it sound in that way and I just didn't know what happened was we got to the hospital And then I was like all right well, let me just rub one out cuz I'm gonna be here a while and then I was in tension. Yeah, exactly Why instead of thinking about my dick or thinking about fucking what I hold you hold you 31

I'm just saying that's awesome What like I would have done in the 30 one like my wife just had a baby. I'm 50 I wouldn't been able to do that but so you're saying it's great I think it's stupid for him to announce it on the podcast and even don't ever from to let his wife Listen to the podcast. I got nothing you can do. No, I don't let him listen to the podcast She was supposed to listen Kelly for Suca went and just told her this at lunch one day Oh, Kelly asked a lot of us to walk in. We're all having lunch one day me my wife Lewis's and the kids and Kelly comes in

Hello, did you hear Lewis talking about Jackie Jack and Ophid and Paul Kiss? Well, you were giving baby. I mean, what's he supposed to do? Not do it? Yes, you're not supposed to do that. My issue is that I was in due, so it was scheduled. We had sex right before we went to the hospital. And she loved it.

To me, it was just like, if it was an unscheduled thing, then I could maybe understand it, but it was scheduled. So do it not in the hospital bathroom. I just think it's in room. But hold on a second. I think it's sex for you once at the hospital. Yes. And then how soon after that, you jerked off again?

It's probably. I was induced an hour after we got to the hospital. Fucking amazing libido. All right. So you think it's amazing? I'm a real, I'm even more of a realist, dude, in numbs ice. Yeah, I have a very high libido. And it's's amazing I'm already I'm even more of a realized to the numbs ice Yeah, I have a very high libido and it's it wasn't sexual you know you get a heart sexual you know we need a heart on and your dick rubs against your pants and kind of hurts a little bit

Yeah, yeah, well, I just didn't want that to be happening. I want to be focused on her. The baby. I said get it out of the way now It was a beautiful thing. He did it for you. He did it for you. So you're saying you love me wouldn't want him to go through that chafing. Thank you, mom. That's all fuck. No one's the best.

I take back everything I said about him. I had a dream. I haven't had sex since the baby. Okay. Are you with me on this? Don't you? I'm with you. I haven't had sex since the baby. Okay. Are you with me on this? Don't you? I haven't had sex since the baby and I had a dream last night that I was just I was I don't know who I was just in a vagina and I was just pumping away and I and someone kept going stop and I was like just a couple more minutes and I just kept

I was just literally pumping just pumping and pumping. And I just kept, I was just literally pumping. Just pumping and pumping and pumping. Yeah, and it felt so good to be inside of a vagina again. I was just, I woke up so disappointed that the world was around me. Why aren't you having sex anymore? We haven't had sex. I don't know, I don't know how to broach it. Yeah.

We have a one bedroom, the baby's right there. Oh, that doesn't matter. It doesn't? I don't want to. I just don't want it to be in this memory it won't be yeah well I mean you know I mean you can do it subtly can't you well I'm not gonna hold them while we fuck it even worse for us because my wife's nursing so milk comes out how old is your baby now no three months but the milk is not bad though I tasted the milk it's not that bad you taste in my wife's milk no I tasted her milk yeah really's not that bad. You tasted my wife's milk. No, I tasted her milk. Yeah, we really did. She let

she gave Lewis a little a little canister. He took it. Yeah, and you're upset about a masturbating. Almost done jerking off. Give me a canister your tent milk. Gotta go to Bob's. We're drinking it. Listen, you can't judge people on these kind of things. You felt like jerking love. I you know, I don't know why you've talked about it, but Exactly well, that's another thing like I made a joke about an original and then I was being serious But it was a joke and then everyone kind of dissected it a little more I want you to read yeah, you know then that's what we do you tell me you just brought up the you jerked off Why your whivers in labor? We're gonna make the story? Shhh the head was coming out and you're like give me one second. You just throw more kids in

the barrel. His brother is right in the next room. Won't you introduce him? Look, I think it's normal. Well, I know for him it is because he doesn't have a high libido, but to me it's it's to be I don't know you can't wait. Can we stop saying high libido? Can we just say Puerto Rican? Can we just say Puerto Rican? I got a lot of coming my balls Jesus I think is normal. I think what I kind of think would a Anthony Wiener did was normal I agree what? 100% do it, but you know what a guy does with a stiff dick. I don't judge yeah Yeah, what the gayest thing I've ever heard you saying what I'm saying is that there's not a politician out there

That doesn't have something sexual that he once did Which if it were to come out he was like oh, I can't believe it a pig. Okay, he did that. Okay Here's the thing though you taking pictures of you dick. Okay, you get caught it almost ruined your career Yeah, ruined your life and then you do it again kind of like Clinton. Yeah, but no, he he listen He once he got caught caught he was out He got caught prior to the election with Jennifer Flowers. He went on 60 minutes. He apologized, all that stuff.

He's back in the oval, all of his boom, boom, boom. Yasser Arfotz waiting outside. He's doing it all over again. And that's just ones we know about. Right, yeah. It's the same shit. Oh yeah, I'm sure he's done a hundred times over. I'm sure everybody does it.

Dude, look, we're coming into a social media time where everything is out there. You know what I'm saying? Dave Smith is a great joke about that specifically we talked about you if you fucking went back in time if there was the internet marlitha king would have been fucking crucified about cheating on his wife all over the place multiple women prostitutes

everything we send the internet with the attitude yet everything do you know about yet a bunch of shit going to know what the wiretaps uh... robert kennedy yeah was that was our government robert kennedy ordered the wiretaps Robert Kennedy. Yeah, it was that was our government Robert Kennedy ordered the wiretaps on Martin Luther King Because they were racists really yeah, not racist because he thought that Martin Luther King might have been a communist sympathizer I was saying Martin Luther King had like prostitutes. Yeah, I know I know about that he she has but because we have the internet now all this information is so successful

We find out about it people are sending their dick picks out people are going on you know book do we all if you search hard enough you could find a picture of my balls on the internet so my vine right now that true yeah he took a picture of it this is another thing I yelled at him he took a he took a video for your vines right yeah vines a six second videos he took a video of his sad face and then his balls real quick sent it out over the internet Don't you put my name on it which which adds it to 64 66,000 people

So once you put my name on it on Twitter 66,000 people who follow me are gonna see that So now all these people that's not a Twitter works. That's actually how it works If you might not if no anybody who follows me sees my name. No absolutely. Nope. Absolutely. How much? $100 I'll bet you $10 I bet you $100. By tweet your name. I'll bet you $20 unless they're following both of us They're not gonna see it. Okay. I took it directly at you. So they have to be following you and me. Okay, so 10 people saw it No, here's what happened. We were arguing over Twitter. It was in dumb shit So he sent me I wasn't arguing at all with y'all. I wasn't even arguing all verzy I wasn't even arguing poor man's Louis J. Gomez

He sends me a video being like you band from the shelf at three weeks and all three of them making fun of me So then I sent a video of just a sad face and then it was a shot from under my balls looking up at my sad face It just cut to that. It was pretty funny in the moment and timing wise and it was just that Bobby and just that Janus and just that Paul and I deleted it in five minutes Then he fucking called me up and acted like I fucking got his little sister pregnant You know who saw it our manager who I hooked him up with called me up and goes, what's wrong with this kid? I go, what do you tell you? He goes, was that his balls? I go, yeah, it was his balls. He goes, I watch it twice I was like, what the fuck is wrong with him? No, that's stupid. Yes, because you're not doing it because you're horny

Like I understand what people do in the mindset of being like, you know, dying for sexual satisfaction. But you were doing it for a laugh. Yeah. I went to, you're, you're, it was a, it was a dumb move. That's the structure that I have going on. I'm talking about what I'm talking about. Self-destructive is a good word for you, Lewis.

Yep. You're a self-destructive. That's your wife telling you that right there, too. You're going to get good friends and who doesn't even know about you. What about your in-laws? What if her parents or her mother will mind you? That's what I say to him all the time. That's what I say to him all the time.

I'm like, what if my dad happens to like, what if your dad goes, gets a computer, gets on mine, gets on Twitter? What if somebody, like Jim is manager, our management company, what if he was like, listen, he was talking to somebody at travel channel, like, you know He you know, hey, I want to go check out his vine. He's got some good vines his Twitter and he goes and he checks it out

And this woman sees that which happens all the time now Networks work go all the time and just check out your Twitter and read what you have to say to see if they want to be in business So now this woman goes into her picture of his nuts are up there yeah what do you it's stupid you're right I know I the reason I deleted it right away was because you're right and I realized that right away I kind of wanted you guys to get a glimpse of it yeah but here's a deal I don't believe that I don't believe it's okay to jerk off and I think you are still wrong even though he's impressed with it I don't think it's right impressed with that with that. I am. He had sex with nine month, uh, all nine month pregnant wife right before she's going to the hospital. Right. What you look at her? She's smoking hot.

Yeah. And then an hour later has to jerk off again. No, miss. She's all right. So, uh, I'm gonna talk about another man's wife. No, she's pretty. Yeah, but she's, but I, but she's not nine months pregnant now. Yeah, we were Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso?

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And how many times how many times a one day do you jerk off? I mean, I can if I really was into it, I can jerk off a few times in a day. Wow. Four. If I really wanted to, yeah, I don't. Once, I'm one and done. You can do porn. I'm done.

I gotta laugh, believe me. Have you seen his dick? I need a big dick, nice body. His ball is, I don't have a big dick. I was balls look like the moon. I'm gonna beat your ass. Like the moon. Just craters and fucking hair follicles.

And his dick is uncircumcised. No, he's uncircumcised. My baby's not circumcised. Oh, sorry. You're right. It's his baby's dick I Just I'm just impressed I'm impressed with it to I guess I'm not impressed that you couldn't hold off I think you could have hold you don't jerk off where you held off he could have held off I would have to jerk off while you were getting jerk off in the hospital. No, she, we're giving labor. She's in labor. It's all right. She's in labor. Look, I here's the thing. I do apologize for if I Here's it. This I know it's wrong. This I know it's wrong. If you are

I'm not stuck to anything. She's giving a base. I you walk into the room. You're listening to me. You know them You know them. You know them. Okay. Yeah, you walk in the room. you're listening to me. You know them. You know them. You know them, okay? You walk in the room. She's in there like, I'm giving, I'm, I'm, I'm giving, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, What would you do would you go would you go like finish up and get out here? That's it with your with your what you're saying you'd be like this. I just jerking off good for him Anyways, what do you need no you go like this you'd go like this? Oh my god Lewis I really if you don't want to see it You've never just jerked one out in a public place just to get it out of you Now you're not saying that's not the point a public place is different than the hospital Why why would a girl? First of all, why would a girl masturbate in public?

All right, you know what, I shouldn't even say that much because I'm gonna get a whole other fucking month of shit for this one. Well, the thing is, I don't understand that. Like, because for a guy to masturbate, you actually have to toggle on something. For a girl to masturbate,

you have to like kinda just fiddle something. It's a little weird, like, I don't know. He makes it sound like it was like on a public street. It was. Well, I'm not gonna say where. No, obviously wasn't a public street. Now we have, wasn't the movie dinner? We get three guesses.

We get three guesses. Oh, but you don't happen at the Comedy Cell in the other day? This fuck, somebody, another person, you jerked off? No, from another comedy club told me this, an employee at the stress factory. He was at the Comedy Cell and he said, he was like, dude, I was not just show at the Comedy. There was a girl getting a dude getting a hand job under the

table, okay? And Metzger has a story about me. I forget what he's a couple of stories about me. So he mentioned, he was like, oh, my buddy Louis Gomez and the guy goes, as he's getting a hand job, he goes, real astude. No, no, he goes, my buddy Louis Gomez, he goes, Lewis J. Gomez, that's what he said. He corrected him with the J. While he's giving a hand job. While he's giving a hand job, how is getting a hand job how funny is that not that funny that's pretty funny no now funny that was it was kind of like just about you

yeah right and i was boring i want to get back i say i'm gonna have one guess i say movie theaters what you're guess uh... i can't just somewhere that he would restaurant i say restaurant

fuck i picked the last guess go on you're smart we got restaurant movie theater somewhere else can you give us a hint the north tower on 9-11 was unbelievable cheap stuff unbelievable

the focus of this girl. It wasn't really in public. Oh. Well, because it was at work, like in the privacy of my own office. Denys. Oh. Where do you work? It was in the mic.

It was an office job, my day job before I. That's not really. That's like at your desk. It was like in a privacy of my job before I. That's not really. That's like, it would add your desk. It was like in a privacy of my own office. So it wasn't like, you know, people at the beginning of it. You didn't know you were masturbating at the time. OK, listen. Hey, we're not going to have a yes.

I got to. Here's a thing. It's also on right now, baby. Here's a thing. Here's a thing. I don't need your lawyer skills. Yeah, yeah. I forget that.

I'm in the men's. I forget. No, I rub one out. Forget knows. I'm in my own apartment. Even if you guys are here. I forget that mended would you I forget no I rub one out forget no I'm in my own apartment even if you guys are here Hey, first of all what I took from that is that you had your own office and now you with Lewis You've made some bad choices. You guys are meant for each other. Oh my god. All right, but listen man Jesus Christ No, I'm as a lawyer can you put the dick down please? Everything's got to be dick with you. I'm trying to turn around again. Hi, no, thank you for for now

Well, I guess no, I'm says it's all right. I said it's wrong. I think you could have waited 48 hours I didn't want to or you could have kept your mouth shut and not set it on the podcast exactly That was a problem because look everybody does way worse shit than that right there but I got it. Never in a shit way worse shit than that but nobody talks about it but I isn't that why I'm on a fucking show is it's the other shit that people wouldn't talk about. Come on. You're right you're right you're a real ass dude. I mean what guy in his like 20s and 30s hasn't masturbated every single place he's ever been. Yeah exactly. Driving you masturbated while driving right?

I'm masturbated in my own car. I really didn't masturbate in your car while driving. Yeah, I might have given him like some maintenance sucks while I'm driving just to get myself home. But, so you don't fall asleep with the wheel. Yeah, I have jerked off driving to keep myself up. I woke up scraping the Jersey barrier on a highway. And I was like, oh my god, those sparks

just shooting out my window. So I just pulled my dick and I jerked off and I came at my exit. Yeah, it's, but I'm not a really big jerk. I like to, I like to, I like to bang. I like to have sex. I like to get my, I didn't, I like to get my dick touched. I didn't like touching my dick. You think this is what Shakespeare would be doing if he was able to like in those days.

Like if he had this option. To jerk or not to jerk. I didn't even go through all the trouble of writing his beautiful rhymes and I think we just really talk about it you know. We don't have to allude to it. So the conclusion, the conclusion of this is that I say Lewis you fucked up by telling us you could have just you didn't have to say it was her you could have said you jerked off in the hospital with the other girl is pregnant with the fuck you know he's manipulating you you know that you're smart enough to know that because he thinks it's awesome that you did tell us for his podcast he does because he said it on the podcast that time

that he thought it would know he said he didn't know if he thought it was the coolest thing or if he thought it was the coolest thing or if he thought it was the worst thing. He did say that. I don't I don't agree with it because I'll tell you why because I just had the same experience. If I wasn't a dad or didn't go through the same thing very recently, I would probably keep my foot out of this. My nose out of it. But the fact that I'm so close to it, I know I wouldn't have jerked off in the hospital. My wife was in labor. I was with her the whole time. I didn't leave her side. We were there together. I made sure that whenever she needed, I was

there for her support. I went to the bathroom and that's it. I didn't go anywhere. The same time that you went to the bathroom to take a dump, I went to the bathroom to jerk off. The difference is the knowledge of what we were doing. There's no difference. I was there for the whole time, I was rubbing her feet, I was fucking there to get her water, ice ships. I'm not gonna want to come on your hands. And I watched my kid come out into the world

because I'm a man. You. Aw. Are you saying I'm not a man? Aw, so you say that. I would never say that. I'm listening. Now you know what, let's worry, Robert.

To jerk off in the hospital, why why is it in labor or to get a massage with some Korean sex slave to you know what's worse robert to jr. go from the hospital white wives in labor or to um get a massage from korean sex slave you know who is uh... uh... kept in a closet uh... i mean how much is this massage i mean you're ten with a right i mean the sixty plus forty i mean that's not bad that's a house in her country to keep the money goes to her

pamper well i mean who knows that she needs to do a job they just I mean, that's not bad. That's a house in her country. I have to keep the money. It goes to her. Pimble with her. Yeah, well, I mean, who knows that? She needs to do a birch job. They just, they just banged up, oh my God. I'm walking on the street the other way to my house. There's this cop out there. Young guy, redhead. With a badge dressed really cool, you know,

clothes, not like a regular cop. A whorehouse on my block. What? A whorehouse on my block. What? A whorehouse on my block. Eight doors down. Blow jobs. 50 bucks.

What? Say you dick sucked for 50 bucks. On my block. Honey, I'm going to walk the dogs. Easy. That's how easy. Honey, I'm going to take a walk to the bodega to get some cream easy That's how easy the blow job would have been 50 bucks

That's not even that's like two trips to the ATM like Undetectable 50 bucks 100 bucks detectable 150 explain with that 100 hours 50 bucks. I could lose on my block. It's closed Horus Horus I was explaining that $100 worth of money. $50 bucks I could lose on my block. It's closed. Horehouse. Horehouse. I'll see you later. I think that, well that's it. I'm gonna put this off for a Thursday show.

Yeah, and skip your Thursday show. This is gonna be a Thursday half hour quickie. It's not bad, it's a show. I think all the people, you should know that you're still suspended from the show. I just did it. Huh. I just did it. Huh? I just did it.

This is not the YKWD. What is this? This is the Robert Kelly experience. Robert Kelly's... Listen, this is going on. Here's the necessary to save our relationship. I think... She want to sex with me.

Really now? I mean... We did in California. She slipped up a few times. You can't take it and fucking I think I think I think sub Look I think ignore the kid. I think you she's a smart. She's smarter than you think I think she's sick of having sex with you. She's using this as an excuse to be mad So just to bang you all the time because you're like a monkey, okay? She just wants some fucking private private time Okay, she wants to maybe fucking private time. Okay?

She wants to maybe be in a tub and have some fantasies about somebody other than your gray skin. Okay? So, why don't you cut us some slack? You fucked up. You fucked up. Yeah, I admit it. You fucked up.

All right? Yeah. You shouldn't have jerked off in the bathroom. Yes, I shouldn't have jerked off in the bathroom. You should have just waited. I should have waited. Well, till you got home, or at least you shouldn't have announced it on the show. Why are you touching your nose? What does that mean? Spot on spot on. Be still mad at him.

It's slowly going away, you know it's a slow probably like the relationship. Her laugh is so genuine. It was literally she's hysterically laughing. She just saw like Beverly Hills copped for the first time. She should have seen her the other day when I when you were yelling at me about my balls. Yeah, I had a sneak in the other room. So when you were yelling at me about my balls, yeah, hide a sneak in the other room so she couldn't look at me being a masculated over the phone. I couldn't let her see my face. She was like, what are you doing? Why are you shaking? What are you talking about that I can't hear? I was like, I don't know. He's yelling at me. I can't

have another man yell at me in front of you. Well, but here's the thing. It's four year own good. I'm trying. Yes. I agree. I'm trying. That's what the Ariel Castro said to the girls that he kidnapped and beat right. It's not true, too. I'm trying to I'm trying to fucking help you in the smallest way possible. But you fucking kick and reject the help. You like a boy that was raised in the jungle. And I'm trying to teach you how to use silverware so you can get your inheritance. Okay. All right.

Listen Gomez. Six acts of kindness. Six acts of kindness to get back on the show. I gotta get them in by Tuesday. Yes. If you don't have them, you can't come on. Okay. And there's also security.

We have extra security at the door downstairs. All managers are known not to let you in on Tuesday Whoever is your security? I Can just fucking it's a woman Give her the eyes She's racist All right, let's get to work. We're gonna get to work. Let's work on this. Let's do it. All right B. Thank you God bless you, sweetie. Seriously, is this coming up this Thursday? No, I don't know yet. If this comes that Thursday, tomorrow

and Saturday, I'm stuck in the water You know what it is? I'm stuck in the water, I'm stuck in the water You know what it is? Really, really, really, really, really Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop. Don't stop filming my face.

Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop.