Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Lunch with Lenny

Episode Date: August 24, 2015

This week on YKWD: The studio is being redone... Bobby's in Utah...All signs point to there not being a podcast this week. But, in the 11th hour, we are able to put together a killer lineup AND record it at the famed back table of the Comedy Cellar! Lenny Marcus leads the way as he talks with Harrison Greenbaum and Mark Normand about their stints on Last Comic Standing, letting girls down easy, the Fat Jew debacle, and more! Huge thanks to Lenny Marcus for hosting Guests Harrison Greenbaum and Mark Normand. Noam, Liz, Mike, and Murph from the Comedy Cellar Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable, 33 grados. You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? On the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. What's up, rioters? Don't call them that, John. What do you mean, Michelle? We are now on the Riotcast Network, and we need to be more like angry and mob like. Yeah, but it sounds like we're about to burn down a liquor store or something and I'm

just not comfortable with that. Exactly. This is what these Riot people do Michelle. They like build pickets. They have the streets and they're just mad. You know what we're going to do? We're going to do our show, the video game outsiders right here on the Riotcast Network live every Tuesday at 9pm Eastern. I find and also go to Riotcast.com and you can subscribe to the podcast. There's like

a button there somewhere just push it. We talk about video games. Sometimes maybe. But it's mostly just a bunch of crap. And Michelle there's also an underdute on the show. Hey guys, I'm Brad. Anyway, video game outsiders live on Riotcast. Two daysyear games. Yeah.

I'm sure I've already said to their recruit rap. It's rubber band. Yeah. It's rubber band. Yeah. It's rubber band. Yeah. It's rubber band.

Yeah. It's rubber band. Yeah. It's rubber band. Yeah. It's rubber band. Yeah. It's rubber band.

Yeah. It's rubber band. Yeah. It's rubber band. Yeah. It's rubber band. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, from the comedy seller live at the comedy he rubbed and looks terrible live at the comedy seller this drove it and looks terrible. Ha ha ha. Live with the comedy seller. This is the, you know what, dude? Podcast. Dude.

Robert Kelly is not here. So most of the people listening to this in a car right now, probably just turned it off. And there's a lot more room on the bench. That's right. Ha ha ha ha. But we do have, he did give me the whole crew. Deepu and Scopo, they are here.

It's Lenny Marcus hosting today, so don't be shocked by the voice. Robert is in Utah, I believe. That's what he says anyway. He's in Utah and he's, I guess, talking, doing comedy for Mormons today. And I guess he picked the cleanest person he could get to somebody that's't drink, he doesn't smoke,

and doesn't do anything. To fill in for him. So thank you, Robert. He just says, I didn't, of course, I said no. And he was like, I don't want to do it. And yeah, he basically, you know how he is. Come on, dad, do me a favor. Do me a favor.

I'm like, OK, so I go, do I get to pick guests? And he's like, yeah. And I said, okay, I want my friend Neil to come on. He goes, he goes, I'll get you some guests. So he gave me Sean Donnelly. Oh, apparently, like one minute before I was leaving my house. I don't know why I told you that. I mean, that was never confirmed with that. So I texted like, he's like, no, he's like, no, I can't. I was like, all right, I got a Norman and Harrison. That's right. So Scopo wants you to do your usual intro here.

All right, we got to the left. Norman McDonald's hated for his favorite comic. I'm opening for him on the road. Harrison Greenbound right here. Whoo, quite a Twitter feud there. Oh yeah. My first real one. Yeah.

I'll go into that. A big point now. Keep going. Then we have Mark Norman, everybody, from Tuesdays, which stories. Hey, good first real one. Yeah, I will go into that and I'm a big boy now keep going. Then we have Mark Norman everybody from Tuesday's with stories. Hey, good to be back. I love you, Norm. I'm gonna be deeper. All right, so let's talk about that because let's just go right into that because that believe it or not, I watched two weeks in a row. I was doing some work for Cyrus McQueen. I don't know if you know, Cyrus. Yeah, nice guy. Absolutely. So I was doing some editing for Cyrus McQueen. I don't know if you know Cyrus. Yeah, Cyrus. Nice guy. Absolutely.

So I was doing some editing for him on his stuff and we thought it was going to be this big package on him and whatever and it didn't happen. Ouch. Ouch. But he got a couple of clips off the first one and of course you know we're so every week I flip through and I'm like oh there's Harrison. Let's check out what Harrison's up to. And that was just the oxygen channel.

Alright. I had to slide that in. And of both weeks, of both weeks that you were on, of all the people, Norm decided he's gonna take couple shots. Yeah. Of all the people. And I thought it was really mean.

Oh yeah, and you didn't get to see the mean of stuff. So for the first one, you wanna talk about yeah, yesterday was the second one, so you were eliminated, right? I was, yeah. Off of second one so you were eliminated right on I was yeah off of the most You know nothing offensive about your NAACP joke for those of you didn't hear it's just good joke It's a good joke. I think it's pretty solid very solid joke you want to explain it and then tell it norm did and then What is happening there what is going on and why you is really my question. I'm still asking that. He hates Jews.

Exactly. No, the joke was just that the NAACP, the National Association for the Advancement of Color People, although not that advanced, they still use the term colored people, but they can't change it. They can't update it to African-American because then the group name would just be, nah.

Right. There's nothing offensive. It's really more wordplay than anything on a night, by the way, which I sat through this and watched a million pieces of wordplay by almost everybody on that show. And yes, this was nothing. And for somebody he's got it in for you. So what's going on? I mean, I think after the first episode, that was it. I mean, the first my first appearance, uh, he had that whole thing about religion with your joke is about Harry. The first one was about Harry Potter. You have a joke if somebody's going to quote from their Bible, you're going to quote from your favorite book, which is Harry Potter. Right.

And then somehow Norm twisted this into while JK Rowling is a Christian and then you're, if you look into Christian, it was the most ridiculous explanation I've ever heard. Yeah, and I love Norm and everybody loves Norm, but this is horrible. I started with that. Norm is still one of my favorite comics. I still think he's super hilarious, but he went on this crazy rant. You don't see even, like, you saw a very tiny portion of it on that episode where he was just not really making much sense.

And then at the end of it where he says, well, if JK Rowling would say, if you know Christianity, you know the end of her book, I immediately responded. I was just comparing two works of fiction. And that gets a huge hot. That's a great line. Why would they give that to you while normically? So they cut out, so they edited out his booze.

He got booed for his commentary, turned him into cheers, and then just make me, I'm just making a face. Oh, God, I hate editing. Yeah, right? Well, they'll make anybody look horrible. They were good. Whatever the narrative they want, which is just, which is really why I've never done

the show. I refuse to be in case they decide he's going to be the ass this week. I'm not going to be that guy. And I have to say, wand and page. I mean, it could have been, it could have been a lot worse. I mean, like, I have a lot of friends who've been really screwed by reality television. Page and Wanda are comics and they definitely make you

feel comfortable. And I think they try to make it as good as it can possibly be for a reality competition show. I know, but the show is very frustrating. But it was very frustrating, yeah. The funniest person on that show is never one. That's what bugs me. You know, like you got guys who've done comedy two years

going up against vets. And the two year like, Greer Barnes got shut out immediately, Kurt Metzger, Mike Lawrence, all hilarious guys. And then some girl with like glasses and a wacky shirt will be like, these nuts. And I don't know. Yeah, you're going through you. It's all like an advertiser,

whoever, bring them the most money. I know. But it is interesting. No, I mean, one thing you should distinguish is that, like, over the years, there's been audience voting. And then, like, this season, I think it was the first season without any kind of live audience voting. It's all just the three judges.

Well, if you buy that. Right, of course. I'm not buying that. Yeah. I mean, I've been through this for 10 years. But I would say when there was audience voting, you can sort of blame the public a little bit more than you can blame.

Now, it's a little bit easier to blame the show itself because it's not. Well, if you read the fine print and all these shows, I think with the one year we found out that, if you read the fine print, the producers have final say and that caused like a rip one year, you know, like, but what's the Twitter beat? Oh, the Twitter beat was I watched my episode with a bunch of friends. It was a super fun night. I was tweeting to everybody who was sending nice tweets. And then three hours elapsed

because he's on the West Coast. I see. I basically got woken up at like 7 a.m. I looked at my phone and exploded. And I realized your arm had done this crazy to this huge Twitter rant about my joke and my set and how you should never make fun of religion or people of faith.

Wow. That was the first one. And that was, that was not this week's episode, but last week. And so what happened, and again, today? And I responded, yeah. Oh, you responded last week, sorry. Yeah, so that was sort of the Twitter feud was his

huge thing, Rosanne backing me up, which was really nice. And Terri Crennetsch always had my back on all this stuff. Keenan too. So, yeah, it was just bananas. I Terekreditsch always had my back on all this stuff. Keenan too. So, yeah, it was just bananas. I mean, he even had one tweet that was, you're fighting against ghosts because nobody in America believes

the Bible to be true or literally true. It's just a story. And then so I tweeted at him, like here's a Gallup poll that shows 30% of Americans. Believe it is literally true, and a historical document. Wow. So just backing up my stuff with FACT.

The whole thing is crazy, but of all the people I watch, he just had it in for you for some reason. Yeah, he's like, that's just a, yeah. He's a smart guy, he gets comedy. He's actually a brilliant comedian. What's funny about that is, you say that, because I was watching it and you watch all the commentary for everyone else, and yeah, of all the people

he listens to, the writing more, it's Roseanne is more interesting in your character. And Keenan more like a show. Yeah, a show. Are you trying out for the show next year? I did it last year and that's why I have so much to stain. And they told me week one, we're all sitting in the green room,

like getting ready to go on world nervous, about to be on TV and they'll go, we just letting everybody know we're skewing urban this year. And we're like, huh? They actually said that. Yeah, and I mean all the white guys look at each other like, all right, well, it's good to hang out.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, a chicken white. Why would they say that? Yeah, I mean, that's not. Because that was the boom of diversity. Well, if you watched the end results last night, there's a couple of things about the show

that drive me nuts. One is, at the end I go, watch this. results last night, there's a couple of things about the show that drive me nuts. One is, at the end I go, watch this, and sure enough, one Asian guy, one quirky chick. Well, that Asian guy is great though. She's great. But it's a very other Asian way of saying murder. I'm just saying, at the end of the day,

it's the same one black guy one white guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a Benatana. So, what are the odds of that? No, Jews! What are the odds of that happening? What are the odds of that? I know we work here at the Comedy Cellar, and if that was that, would that be the

demographic of five people that came out of the Comedy Cellar? So, whatever. Like when Norm signed up and Jell-Nick signed up, it was like, this is it. It's finally going to be legit show. So that's why it's such a bummer that Norm's going off the rails. Yeah. And Jess, when it, you know, you don't get to see a lot of what he does, his intro to my semi-final set involved the Holocaust. So that was Just like your grandpa his grandparents survived the Holocaust that see if he can survive this set Baby hilarious, I think the audience was horrified

Welcome, how is the audience there? They seem really at. Oh, man. It was funny because the audience for the first round was fire. Just a pure fire. You can hear it. They wouldn't stop applauding after my set. They had to be shushed three times. It was crazy.

On this episode, it was funny that they actually showed the fake blowup dolls in the back that were, you know, like, when you can't pull a room, you put like those fake dolls that when they're in the distance, it looks full. No, right, right. And they just showed them up close with like somebody knocking the wig off, which is hilarious. Oh my god. But you're like, I guess that room wasn't full. Oh, yeah. But it's a 500 seat room and they're filming how many episodes you get 500 people in L.A. They show up to sit for six hours of a taping, you know, it's hard. The other thing I didn't like was last night

They kind of glossed over like 20 people. Real fast, really fast. Like for example, I love Greg Warren, one of my favorites. And the first day, they let him do three plus four minutes. Like four minutes, they loved him, kissed his ass. And then this time there was this like a phase of him just going, hmm. But I think this was where it really showed that,

so last year I believe it had 16 episodes. This year was an eight episode order, so they have to cut down 40 to 10 in two episodes. Well, what good does that do for comics? I mean, it just makes it look. Well, I just think they were happy to that guy. I'm gonna go on that guy. I mean, I would rather than do eight episodes

than zero episodes, I mean, I'm happy to have the exposure. I think everybody who was on it is, but I think that's the problem is, if you have 10, if five people are going through each round in the next two weeks, that means they have to show five sets. That's the whole show. So everybody else who doesn't make it,

really they can't show two, they can show maybe one person who doesn't make it. And some clips from some people who didn't make it. But there's just no room to show anybody else. Nobody, okay, so then just don't show, but the guy who you did three minutes on the first week, could you show him doing something like? Yeah, I'll start the whole show with 50 comics.

Don't start with a hundred. Right, yeah. Was there anyone that did well and they kind of made it look like he didn't do well? I actually, here's the thing, you don't get to see anybody else to set. Yeah. The only set you really, really know about is your own. I mean, I fret, you know, we had, we all know a bunch of people on the show. So we, I assume they were honest about how their sets went.

So as far as I know, everything, see, people at Goodsets, Goodsets, People at Badsets, at Badsets. But, yeah, I really can only speak to my set. No, from what I heard, from a lot of people who I kept running into, and I think I asked Mark when he came back as well, like how to go on and nothing but went well, judges are really good, but in editing, they will take out whatever, if they say one thing, like Cyrus actually said, they said glowing things

about him all the way through, but that one snippet that Keenan said, he said a bunch of great stuff after that, one snippet, but they took that one snippet and that's enough to relate to the audience when you're watching. Make him look like he didn't do well. That's right. And that's all it has.

And they did that to Joe Madarise on, I think America's got talent one year. He went on an absolutely crushed, and they showed his kids crying. He says, he literally tweeted out the best three minutes of my life. The following week, they show him, they didn't do it in front of the live audience.

They screwed him with that. They screwed him. He was in front of just the judges on like a Tuesday afternoon and they went, well, I don't know. And they made him look like the worst or his comic. And my sister called me who watches the shine ever watching episode that show calls me and goes, oh my God, what happened to Joe? What?

What could have happened? Nothing happened to Joe. They probably edited it so bad. And they did. They went out and got out. But people do accept that as the reality. I mean, to joke. What could have happened? I go nothing happened to Joe. They probably edited it so bad and they did. They went out and got it. But people do accept that as the reality. I mean, people were a bit uncomfortable. A horrible, judging my set. And I tweeted out a link to the actual jokes.

I was like, if you're gonna judge my jokes, go for it. But like, I stand by my jokes, but judge it based on my jokes, not on, you know, whatever version. Wait, what was your experience? Matt Areese is still doing it? No, Matt Areese was last year. No, I mean comedy.

Ah! Ah! That's cool. But yeah, I, they edited my, my stuff pretty bad too. I had a rough set, one night I had food poisoning and Rose Ango's, oh, I gotta tell ya, you know, you did so well last night.

What's wrong tonight? And I was like, well, I'm not feeling well. So he goes, okay, you sick, was like, well, I'm not feeling well. So he goes, you okay, you sick? I go, yeah, I got AIDS. Killed, killed, killed, killed. Huge abuja pop. And I was like, yeah, I'm back. And then Keenan Iberweins goes, yeah, your ride is good.

But you seem a little off. And I go, thanks, Damon. And next kill. And I was like, I'm gonna ride this riff. And then they didn't put any of it in. Oh, so there you go. Well, they were looking to wait a get rid of you. Yeah, I was like, I'm gonna ride this riff and they didn't put any of it in. Oh, so there you go. Yeah, well they were looking way to get rid of you. Yeah, that was it.

And I just defend them slightly. I do think there is a degree of, they just had eight episodes this year and they've been just finished. Oh, that's, I get it. You're in such a sweet. Any real policy? Yeah, it's a policy. Not only that, but sweet, sweet and nice.

You're being silly. Can I ask you another question? Come on, let's go. My other only question is, pink shirts, both nice. You'll be LA, can I ask you another question? Come on, let's go. My other other question is, pink shirts, both times. Correct. Tristan's thing, observation. Is that on purpose?

Did he even realize that? Well, I can talk to that about that, which was, I had to wear, I wore a purple shirt in the fires club background piece then a pink shirt during the set. And then they don't show me with Wanda, but I'm wearing a different pink shirt. But Wanda, and then another variation

of like a pink purple shirt. And they're all out. What happened was I talked to the stylist and I said I wanna stand out a little bit and it was like let's just do a color palette. Every time they see you, we'll do purple some pinks. So he's going for the full rainbow. Yes, as a good way.

Well, you get accused of being a little effeminate, correct? Yeah, they cut out all of that stuff. Oh, man. They had cut out such a good discussion. There's such a good discussion, correct? Yeah, they cut out all of that stuff. Oh, man. They had cut out such a good discussion. There's such a good discussion between Norm Keenan, Roseanne, myself, and Anthony about that whole thing. Thing, and the answer. Because the second set opens with me doing the people thing I'm gay joke and the HIV tag

and then doing the, so I was with a girl the other night, just go with it. Right. We were talking about past relationships and she's like, I know it sounds like I see a a lot of dudes, but I just want you to know that I don't. It's like that is so weird as I'm about to tell you word for word the exact same thing. Huge pop in the audience. And that's how I start the set.

How long was your set? Three and a half minutes. Three and a half minutes. So they edited down to what too? Maybe. On the semi-finals, they edited down to 10 seconds. Yeah, you're right. You guys longer than that, no?

Maybe less. Oh, and I was the number five top exit fail, which they had time for. I'm just gonna say exit fails. Do they still do the vote you back in thing? There's no voting, because I think rap's so long to go. They just want to stand up. That's kind of a better way, you know, rather than

but voting back in. No, but it would have been nice to be live only because it's hard to respond to things that are happening. And, you know, I had a joke, I got caught, which was about gun control. And I basically was just hedging my bet where I was like, I bet you when this thing joke, I got caught, which is about gun control. And I basically was just hedging my bet, where I was like, I bet you when this thing airs, we'll still be talking about gun control.

Which I was, I wish I wasn't correct, but was correct. And we had to sort of, some people were smart, like Clayton, where he's talking about race stuff, too, where he's like, people are talking about race in the media, he's right. but that's him trying to make a prediction for months in advance. Oh, yeah, well, yeah, you can get to go. But you can't respond to your criticism, you can't respond to, you know, people on Twitter and all that kind of stuff. Well, the point is it doesn't matter how you do, it's just they're going to create the

narrative the way they want, you know what I mean. But America's got talent that's happening in real time. So you can, you can adjust and respond to what people are saying. Yes, that is true. But America's got talent that's happening in real time. So you can. America's got talent. You can adjust and respond to what people are saying. Ah, that is true. And make a joke about what's happening that week. You know, you can make trade deals. But they will, it is happening. It's live or it's live.

It's live, so. They can't edit you out. It's such a bummer because we stand up. We all know that like, you change one word in your set and the whole set's different. Exactly. And now they're changing chunks and order and everything. Little tags that make a big difference.

And also, is that the same order that people don't realize? That's not the same order sometimes that they see. They just let off with that guy on the show yesterday, but he may have not gone first. The one thing I was a little bit frustrated was, I really did feel like I had the set of the night on my night. The first one, and they kind of downplayed it, right? Well, what happened was Clayton wasn't in my round.

They were in a different round. Different play. And they said he had the set of the night. I had the set of my night, he had the set of his night. Well, what happened was Clayton wasn't in my round. They were in a different round. Different play. And they said he had to set it. You had to set it at night. I had to set it at my night. He had to set it at his night. We were in different nights.

But they gave it to him. But they should call that show 20 ways to fuck you. They really should. I mean, Clayton had a great set. I'm not taking away from that. But like, he's fine. But I had to set it at my night. All those guys have funny in their own way. I can make a case for any of them.

You just can. There's a couple. Well, there's a couple, but you could see why. You could see why an audience would like them. I'd say this that a lot of people, some guys, their jokes are perfect for television. Like Mark Norman as perfect television. Really, the length, the set up punchline, ask of the, somebody's got hard jokes. Long bits like the guy who's falling on the floor,

that guy, you know, I don't know who that guy is. He's just not a good TV act, you know, you probably wanna, but if you saw that guy live for 45, probably like, how on his physicality, but on TV, it doesn't quite register unless you're in the room. So you can make a case for a lot of people doing a lot of things in my opinion,

but I don't know. But some guys I'm just like, no, you know, out. But it seems so unfair like a guy like David Till is funnier than Clayton English. Of course. Just hands down. I don't care what anybody says. He's funnier. But he would never advance.

And that's why the show bugs me. But really at the end of the day, at the end of the show, other than the winner gets something. Yes. And you would other than, the winner gets something. Yes. And you would think that would shake out into something, and over the years, it's probably 50-50, but Mac is doing well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was for a play. It was for a play. It was for a play. Yeah. The tour is not bad. If you get to the finals, I think it's a good bump for your career, obviously. Like American Idol, too.

American Idol, the winner of every American Idol, doesn't, it hasn't really had a career. The second place. You don't want to. You never want to win. You want to come in like second or third grade. Yeah, there's something about that. Same thing with America's, that town.

There was, with exceptions there, but like, Kastari Fader. Well, they own you. I mean, in American Idol, they own your, all the things you do. America's got talent. America's got talent. I mean, Matt Franco gave him two specials in NBC.

So that one, I think they really put the full power of the network behind you. Yeah. So winning that is great. But on the other ones, like American Idol, it seems, or the voice even, the winner of the voice, I can't tell you, but it's like the runner-ups that seem to be doing that. There's a lot of contractual stuff

that goes with those winners too. Absolutely. You have to get on the tour. You're after, I think my contract was 74 pages, 75 pages, that's amazing. Like Tom Conner, I know he spent like six months of baking. Which I had to print out, that was the most depressing Jew part, was they were like, Conner and I spent like six months They get out as it's crazy. That was the juiced the most depressing ju-part

Was they were like you have to print out the entire contract and set it back and it's like 75 pages. That's a lot of ink I'm actually went to his manager's office and mayor print smart. Yeah, I feel like we're getting to inside here I don't think so there they're what comedy get to inside here. Sorry, I'm doing so. I don't think so. I don't think so. What comedy, board out of the one, they have to watch. Everybody's been watching all the show.

Although America's Outtown is the most highly rated summer show by like a huge margin. 20 million, 30 million viewers in episode. Wow. I think last comedy gets about 5 million. Well that's good. We're just still pretty good. Pretty good. Gary Veter's about to be a household name.

Obviously not. He's on today, right? He's on tonight. America're on tonight tonight. Yeah, there's got talent killing it Is he yeah, he's going far and see me pampling. Oh, he did. Oh, okay, but not yet, right? Because he or did he make it through to the quarter the semi finals. Oh, I guess you're right He's making the semi he's not he's at the state now. He's just make it one more round I'm ready to look now He's like in terms of comics guys. No, mean, everybody like 30 you somewhere that I don't know. Everybody's trying to move from the quarter to the semi finals. And then the finals, I think, is knocking it down to 10.

Yeah, he's he's gonna be great for that though. He has played jokes and his record for that show is perfect. There you go. There's a guy he's perfect. And his response with the judges is great because he's been staying in character, which is great. And he's owed me $40 for like two months. But I haven't asked him for it. I think you should get married. I think it's time. Well he's getting married so I'm too scared.

I'm like he might need it for the wedding. Yeah, if he wins. Yeah, if he wins. He'll be heming off of this for sure. Yeah, interest. This is how. That's why I want him to win. I want that 40.

You should have put a 76 page in that contract. Yeah. Right? Look at Veter. What's going on with you guys? I'm done. That's all I came into talking about. No, my girlfriend's got questions from Mark Norman.

Oh, because she listens to you. Is the rash his? Yeah. How old are you, Mark Norman? 31. There you go. She's also 31. Oh, have I met her?

Have I met her? Because I tried to have a friend. I think it's her friend, remember that? Yeah, my friend, yes. But I just wanted to sleep with her and you didn't like that. I don't care. You seemed a little pee-ed. Me?

Well, she's a great girl. I mean, you know what comes up. I don't think she wants that either. I just wanted to fly a little. Well, I think that's part of you. Do this on a lot of podcasts. So do you have, what's your, the other, your interest in women, is it just for that

or do you actually want a girlfriend? I love women, I love talking to women, I love hanging out with women, I love sleeping with women, but I'm too scared to get in a relationship. I panic, if I feel like I'm liking a girl and it's going well, I pull out immediately. That's figuratively.

It's emotional issues, yes. But you have to move out of your team. You've had a long-term relationship. I have nine-year girlfriend, so that's what I'm scared of, is getting back into that. Ah. So I can do it, but I'm just, you know, I'm like, ah, I did my time. Let me, let me live on the outside.

Like, I was. Like, I bet when you're coming back. Exactly. When that ended was, after nine years, it was ugly, man. That's like all your 20s, correct? Whole 20s gone, high school, sweetheart, the whole thing. She moved up here for you? Yeah.

Oh, your piece of shit. I know At least she got nine years New York, yeah, we should hear the New York experience. Yeah, I showed her the you know the fallout. She's still here She's down. She's still here. She got my apartment my old apartment. Oh, she really fucked you Yeah, but I paid the rent for like a year out of guilt. Oh, that's a nice thing Thank you. She'll just do the same thing. Oh, did he yeah, oh wow, wow, it's the first thing I think it's a classy thing. Yeah Paying someone else's rent rent. That's a lot of money. Yeah, it was a lot of money

I was bleeding money. I was fucking living on list joeless couch. Oh, yeah My god. Wow, he's a Samoan roommate, the guy's huge. Is he Indian? Oh, he's Indian. Oh, he's Indian. Well, he the way he's fat. Yeah. That's what the three of you have. Yeah.

You live in that couch? Yeah, that's disgusting. It's disgusting. Oh my god. Jason Cantor and Pat Dixon have the worst vibes in history. You know, they come in. It's just raining, dark cloud, you know. Oh, that's not the floor, Joe.

This shit on. Oh, no, that was a woman's oh yeah but yeah there's still jizz on that couch though oh yeah for me and I've never sat on that couch you should never ever go and you will be pregnant so the girls in New York still or she she got on with her life oh no she lives in my old apartment still she's dating a new guy seems like a real champ. I did that sometimes. I assume not a comedian. No, no, no, no.

He's got that adversity. He's like a real man. Have you been at a job? No, I don't want to meet him. I've seen him on Instagram quite a bit. Oh, you still follow her on Instagram? Oh, yeah. You got it on fire.

I got it on fire. You got it on fire. That didn't seem healthy. She did the thing where I'm saying too much, but she went to that sign-filled. Remember when they did the sign-filled living room? The apartment. Yeah, she went to that, took a bunch of pictures with him, and I was like, oh, that was

for me. Because I'm a huge fan, she knows I'm a fan of all the box sets, and I think she wasn't, like, she liked the show, but she wasn't like a fan, so I think that was a dig. She ad mentioned you in the first place. Although you should have gone with her, because the whole show is a comedian with his ex-girlfriend. No, no, no. Although you should have gone with her because the whole show is as a comedian with his ex girlfriend. Ah, you're right. So what it works?

She wrote like the captions on the picture. Like, hey Mark Norman, not that there's anything wrong with that. It's like, I'm the master of your domain. Yeah. She wrote, get out of my life. Right? Yeah. We're cool.

We're cool. We're still text and stuff, but it's all business. Like, hey, you have mail here and, hey, I you wrote my life, you know, stuff like that. We're cool. We'll still text and stuff, but it's all business like hey, you have mail here and Hey, I you're on my life, you know stuff like that That's nice. Yeah, that hasn't the same text. Yeah, it's a very adult and she was from also, New Orleans high school sweetheart Yeah, we you know got drunk together that's virginity together the whole thing. Wow. Yeah, yeah So's a big one That's a lot so I can see where it's coming the other way.

Sure, sure. I mean, I was the mayor with the families new each other. That's the mayor. It's going to be a huge. Yeah. Why didn't you pull the giant? I mean, that's nine years. Most people don't ask.

I felt like I'd changed. I never got to really live it up. I'm so in love with comedy and that was a problem. So, you know, this is it. She didn't want you to do comedy anymore or she wanted you to back off. Yeah, I think maybe back off. It takes up so much of your life and, you know, so this is it. She didn't want you to do comedy anymore or she wanted you to back off. Yeah, I think maybe back off. It takes up so much of your life and you know,

it was going every night, then the road and she worked in the day, so we'd see each other for like a half an hour, then I'd be out of the door. Right. So yeah, I can't really work. Well, the quote I always said was when I'm doing comedy, I'm cheating. When I'm with a girl, I feel like I'm cheating on comedy.

Yes. That's a good point. You don't spend a lot of time with somebody, like I should be doing writing or something like that or something going on. Comedy is under your first girlfriend. Right, you're walking through the park with her and she's having the time for your life

and you're just like, I gotta work on that new tag. Yeah, exactly. And then you're like, my phone is, you can feel it vibrating, like that could be the stand, you know, like you start freaking out. But she didn't understand,

you gotta just find the girl that understands, like my phone goes off, it could be a club. I guess, yeah. I'm a manager.. That's just showbiz that girl out there Is that I think so I mean? The girl you're saying hey is that it's working out? Yeah, it's working out, but you don't do a lot of stand up While I try and limit the road let's put it that way well somebody put it well I came or who said it some comic said that every girl wants to fuck Batman But no one wants to date Batman. That's true

And that's kind of how it is a comedian like oh look at that sexy guy up there and then you're like all right who said it, some comic said that every girl wants to fuck Batman, but no one wants to date Batman. That's true. And that's kind of how it is a comedian. They're like, oh, look at that sexy guy up there. And then you're like, all right, so I'll never see you. No, if I was on the road every weekend, that would be tough. But you know what, football coaches, same thing, they go through the same, you know, there's a lot of professions that have the same thing, even flight attendants, you know, they would they have the same thing.

But the Batman thing is wrong. I think everybody wants to fuck Superman and then he realized they have to date Clark Kent I think that's the issue but Clark hints around yeah, true But he's an awkward reporter sure that's a good point. We are awkward and weird We're not as fun as that guy up to it. We're not superman for 15 minutes But then off stage we're like oh, let's I got to work on this joke. Yeah, I gotta do this thing and right right Yeah, I got to work on this joke. Yeah, yeah. I got to do this thing and, right, right. Yeah, at the point. Well, when Russ Manivoy said he had superpowers,

you know, when he was on stage, and that's why he loves it so much, because he has that, that's what gives him his super power to get all the girls, is that how you feel as well? Oh, yeah, totally. And they're always bummed out. When I'm at the end, like off stage,

you know, I'm sitting there quietly, and they're like, what's going on with you? I'm like, this is the real me. Right. Yeah. But Russaniva has that great joke, which I relate to where he's a, I can't remember how the joke goes.

He's basically he's on a date and he goes, just, are you gonna fuck me? Because I got a sure thing waiting. So let me know now. So I can pick her. Yeah. Which is kind of how my life has been going. But yeah, that's good.

It's so fun. I'm living in New York. I feel like I'm, you know, 31 31 so I'm trying to just rail through as many Cunts as I can before We're hit like you know if this doesn't get you like yeah I like this sort of so see that's where it turns for my girlfriend when she hears this like you're a nice guy Like what is it? Always turn into like are you getting even for the nine years? No, I don't get that hold Why can't I be a nice guy and- And I'm playing a bunch of push.

I'm not a misogist. I love women, I just, what a fuck them. I don't get why is there that weird gray area where you're like, oh, what a creep. We're all creeps, some guys just pull it off. It just sounds- We don't wanna do it. It just sounds bad, I know.

You could just like blink it. Like we know what you're talking about. Okay, all right, well, I think we're all adults here. No, we are. I'm answering questions for- But the women, the women don't like it. They don't like the, the, the,. Okay, all right, well, I figure we're all adults here. No, we are. I'm answering questions for, but the women, the women don't like it. They don't like the, the, the, the, the, the, the Kurt talk.

That's right. You know, they want you to finesse. That's right. But you're a comic first. So, yeah, you honest with them though? A lot of those ones? No, no. All right.

Well, there's also a problem. That's a problem. They probably get that after a while. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Well, let's get it now. Get what they hate you. Yeah. Let me ask you this What's the move to get out? You're dating somebody and you like that's not answering the text messages. Not answering the text. Oh, you ghost

I go so I give them the whole like I'm scared of commitment. Oh, this is the new when I pulled and I'm not proud of this but I met this girl at the train wreck after party. Hope she never hears this because she was a feisty whop train rag after party. Hope she never hears this because she was a feisty whoop. He didn't have to say that part. Did you? I'm just gonna fight. So she was like a real, you know, battalion brawl. I like, you know, like out of a Scorsese Bronx family. The earrings, the hoop earring, like the weird kinky black hair, you know. And I met her at the party. We got on one day. We bang all night. It was like a perfect day wild date. I really wind and dined her and then I was like, ah, I am.

I was not it. She was super annoying like, well, she was like Marissa Tomey and my cousin Vinny, like that kind of chick. Like, well, you don't like waffles get the fuck out of here. Like, she was super loud. But she was hot and we had sex and then the next day I I was like, I never wanna see her again, that was brutal, and she kept texting me and I go, look, you're not gonna believe this, but I just talked to a girl I slept with two weeks ago, turns out she's pregnant, and she's gonna keep it. So I gotta kinda deal with that.

And she's like, well, we can't date, and I'm like, well, I'm a father now, so I don't think I should be dating. And now I'm going even further with this lie than I would have had to, but I just gotta get get a chicken to fucking hang out with me. Yeah, exactly Now I'm walking around with Melissa from the cellar Wait a minute wait a minute why go to the elaborate Why creates such a route? Do you like doing it?

This is so similarly you like going to the elaborate rules. No, it's actually a lot of work and it's a lot of upkeep. But for some reason to be that's easier. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is, it's easier. And because I guess, because I don't come off as the bad guy. But when it comes, if it ever, she never finds out that Godfrog listens to this podcast, like, yeah, it's gonna be worse, isn't it?

So why can't you just say, hey, we get a great night, but I don't know. And just like that. Yeah, but she texted you now, it finds out. Don't respond to you just say, hey, we get a great night, but I don't know, and just like that. Yeah, but she texted you now, find Zai, don't respond to her. Yeah, exactly, I'm in the clear. I think you have, I mean, I think we should be encouraging the behavior

of towards letting us side. No, you're right, you're all I'm just asking for. I'm not interested anymore, like, I'm just waiting, wait, they're getting more and more elaborate. Obviously, he's got us. I mean, it's brilliant and some crazy twisted. Thank you. Evil villain, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fun, you, on stage, a superman, you get off your evil villain. brilliant and some crazy twisted thank you and like you are yeah

let's live it it's funny you on stage a superman you get off your evil they're the you're the joke you're really the joke haha the joke are on stage yeah was funny in the movies so he could really just be the joke or it's true he was a performance away yeah

but yeah instead of going to the elaborate lie if you just if you went to like blunt truth because you are direct person obviously so if you just went look we went to like blunt truth, because you are a direct person obviously, so if you just went, look, we had a great night, I think that's it. What would that do? Well, I think if you bang a gale and then don't, and then shut it down, it gets pretty rough.

Rough, what is happening? It's pretty ugly, like, fuck you, you piece shit, you just fuck me, you need to be on the phone. On the phone, on the phone. So this is, you're just, you're just eliminating one bad phone call. Yes, that one bad phone call, I think you should just save the phone call, and then you're just you're just eliminating one bad phone call. Yes, that one I think you should just save the phone call and then you can use that as art. I think it's in

our maybe maybe you might be able to do that. You could also if she gets mad just be like, well, would you prefer the alternative where I invent a pregnant girlfriend that doesn't exist? No, you're both correct. Just that one awkward phone call to me isn't worth the 11 ruse. I mean, you ever got a stalker that just shows up to your shows? After. One check, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had to shut that down. How'd you handle that one? Well, it was tough because she would bring me cookies.

Is this the hour girl? Yeah, the hour girl. Yeah, the hour girl. Yeah, the hour girl. Yeah, like I would go, she would look at my calendar and then she would show up to the stand or wherever at like 6 p.m. and bring them onto cookies and leave notes. And then she'd be like, I came by,

but I was too scared to see you, but I'll be in the audience watching you and I'm like eating the cookies like, well, this is weird. I know. Yeah, you brought the cookies and were all like, these could have poisoned in them. Yeah, but why would you eat random cookies?

I'm a stalker. Well, if she really liked me, she wouldn't want to kill me. I guess she could be crazy. Is that why? Because I don't mean Juliette thing. Yeah, why she's the Allen girl because she was just sitting really liked me, she wouldn't want to kill me. I guess she could be crazy. Is that why? It's not why me and Juliet think. Yeah, why she's the Allen girl, because you were just sitting watching. No, she brought on out all stuffed owl. And I gave it to Bobby Kelly, because he gives a kid. Which also could contain poison. That's true.

That's probably got a little camera in it. It's supposed to be watching now. She wants some little kids somewhere. And what's your story, Harzer? I think in your other way, you're just so nice, if you have to break up with way, you're just so nice. If you have to break up with someone, it's probably so nice. It's the nicest way to go. Yeah, I'm always scared of it,

but I try to be really honest and try to just be like, yeah, like this was great. And I just, yeah, it's not working. And how they take it. Phone or text, like collar text. I try to do it in person if I can. Oh, and it's probably just a whole more than you mark James or way more. Yeah, so what's the result?

Usually they stay friends what? Maybe I'll try this. Yeah, have you ever now? You have this advantage where you could do like the maybe I am gay I just text him. I've tried the other side. I't make a better. I've never tried it but I could. If I were you I would have done that. I would have definitely done it. You're an endless supply of excuses that you could possibly and it's a shitty talent because I can't use it for good.

You could actually use it as a service. I think people could go away. They would just lay out the scenario and then go to see Mark Norma. I do that with my friends all the time. Fucking another dude. He's like I'm just trying to get out of a relationship with a girl. This isn't gay. Right. I'll try anything he can.

Yeah, like Sam Marille text me like, my agent gave me this. How do I get out of it? I, you know, blah, and I'll just make up a lie right there. Oh my God. Yeah. You're amazing. As George Costanza says, if you believe it, it's not a lie. That's right.

And I think that's, can I tell you something? I think that's how OJ pulled off. I think you're right. That's how most criminals I think they can really believe. They really have to get to that place. Yeah, totally. Yeah, totally. Like, I feel guilt.

So that's how I know I'm not a sociopath. Also, when people call me a sociopath, it hurts my feelings, which also means I'm not a sociopath. Fun fact. I couldn't. I think we call Charles Manson crazy. It would hurt his feelings. You think? I think he'd be like, why would It would hurt his feelings. You think?

I think he'd be like, why would you say that? No, I don't think so. I think he'd be like, because of the swasco in your forehead. Yeah, I think he'd be like, fuck you. It's a good thing up behind bars, or I would kill you right now. I think that's what he would say. Potentially. Yeah, Scopo, what about you?

I have a girlfriend. And so, and everything is hung at you. You live fencing? No, no, I'm going to live together. I can't do that for a while. No, can I just say this? time I was walking down a Sullivan Street, and I saw a scopo chewing out a woman on his phone for I don't know 30 minutes and I Walked all the other side of the street and avoid them to the mom a girlfriend. She has the girl

She's the ability to just fucking nag and nag until she's until I just explode you were And then and then it's then why are you yelling at me like you fucking drove me to this point you drove me to this point now I'm yelling I mean it was scared I was like what the fuck I told you I was like this is gonna be exhibit a and a murder that is gotta be the worst thing when you walk down the street and you see somebody just losing their shit you don't even know who's side to take. I went around the corner because I was like, I was like, I was like, I hope he no one sees me down here.

And then next day he sees you, Texas me. I was on a date and I was like, holding the girl like, I know that guy, keep going. But yeah, we've all been there. I've, I've, every guy has been in that situation where you're just like, you fucking cut, I'll kill you. Yeah. Yeah. And you throw the phone or punch a wall. That's bad. When you go punch a wall. Yeah, I've never been ya. You know, you throw the phone or punch a wall. That's bad. When you go punch a wall.

Yeah, I've never been a real wall punch. I've punched a wall. I've never punched a wall. There you go. I could kind of spray my hand punching a wall. Should we get a house? That's why I don't punch the wall. We had a college house and the house was shitty

and everything was like, you know, you punch right through it. Right. And it happened to punch the fucking exact point where it was just, it was a metal bar. You got the stud. Is that right in the fucking in my hand? I think every guy's house have ever been in their 20s. Like the one they were single and off campus had anything that has a hole in the wall. Oh yeah.

We had multiple holes in the wall. For different reasons. One was girlfriend too, was like the giants. You know what I mean? Like some sports. There's a glory hole. That's a high hole. Yeah.

That's it. You got to punch low. Yeah. Yeah. Never been a wall pun, never been a phone thrower. My friends will get drunk and throw their phone. I'm like, well, why would you do that? That's $200 right there.

Or whatever. And I won't throw my phone. Yeah, that's crazy. That's how I control. But that's passion, I guess. Yeah, and people break their phones at this point. Broken phone. Anybody with a broken screen on their phone I got broken yep, yeah, I'm like having a Puerto Rican girl first go to out of four at the table broken

He's got a broken phone really everybody. No, I'm good. That's the joke in my act. He's like having oh no minus clean Oh, so you're like having a Puerto Rican girlfriend. It's fine most of the time, but eventually cuts your face. Yep. Oh Nice. I like that. That's not brave most of the time, but eventually cuts your face. That's a great joke. Nice. I like that. That's not brave. That was the grisys, the enormous thing.

Oh, why is he calling himself brave? And I'm like, I wasn't. Prozance at it. He also said, because at the end of the episode, I go, all right, I guess I'm going to have to keep doing my strongest material. And he wrote on the thing, like, you should be doing your strongest material from the beginning. I was like, that's what I said. No, wow.

It's a lot of out of context. Did you experience the face? Did you face the face? Did personal instead of on a stage? No, you're not allowed to meet the judges or talk to judges at all during the competition. Did they get any scouting report on anybody beforehand? You've never worked with him. You don't know anybody's, no.

It's weird. Wow. It's very weird. I met him at the seller months later and he just like kind of ignore me. I went up right after him. I heard her damn Out she really does have it out for you. I guess though. I don't know I still think he's a great comic Oh, he's can't deny that I mean Cosby's still a great comic It may not be as big a strength. Yeah, that's true. You know roofie. It's sociopath. Yeah, yeah Jared folgical. He wasn't a bad pitchman for a subway.

Sure. Well, he was in his groove. Yeah. Not the price, but the sales went way up when Jared was introduced. That's right. He's a big deal. What do you think it's going to do now? I got to tell you, I'm not one of the, I can separate the art

from the molesto. And he didn't have any art though. He just fucking lost weight. That's true, but like I walk by subway and I'm like, nah I'm all right. Oh no. I don't think that- Because of that.

I think that's gonna be abnormal. What do you mean? I think people will walk by subway and go, nah, not for a while. That's what I'm saying. Oh you, that's what I'm saying. I'm like, eh, no. Oh I did it right.

I still think he's still eat subway. You're not gonna eat jealous? Eat jealous. I'm not. But subway is now the only one. I think it's a face to that. You see his face in the window. Oh, then, yeah.

Nobody was like, he's so entrenched with Subway. That's been their campaign for 15 years. Yeah. See his house? No. They rated it? Oh, my, he mentioned. He had to pay, I was looking, little research for today.

Yeah. $1.4 million in restitution to 14 people. So they each get 14 kids or whatever, they each get 100 grand. And then, you know, but the charges on him are just reigned. That was part of the plea deal. Yeah. He admitted to some of the stuff. Oh yeah.

And he's gonna be doing like, I think one of them, like sex with a minor could cost him up to 20 years. This is some leeway the judges have like five to 20 year you know, and leeway was it sex or just pornography. I I read different things on the one article but I said like some of the charges were like he's gonna get a foot long in prison. So the cover of the daily news today. Is that what it was? Yeah. Yeah. Shit, I'm doing fucking headline jokes. Yeah. Ha, ha.

It was a great tweet about somebody saying, it continues his obsession with being in smaller pants. Oh, that's good. That's good. Not my line. But great. Child porn max 20 years, sex with a minor's 30 years. Woo.

They asked for a plea deal of 5 to 12 and a half years in prison with the plea deal. But to twelve and a half years in prison with the plea deal but i don't think that includes the child porn charge and the sex with a minor anyways wife divorced and almost immediately after hearing this and she they know i didn't know you're going on three year old the wife had no idea the wife had no idea

wow and why would you if you had even an inkling of an idea of the whole day with you know what the Cosby wife They are exactly she knew she's behind him That's interesting. Yeah, the Cosby's got a lot more money. I think that's what do you think about that mark as far as women? Because I mean if Cosby's wife Almost concerns me in a different way more than Cosby himself. Well, you have to remember she's his manager Oh, she is so that's probably it probably all a business move, I think. Yeah, but she could divorce him and get $1 million.

That's true. From different angles. No, you're right. You're right. She's got to be. I don't even know. Well, let me ask you this about pedophilia. Sure.

All right. That's any question you have. Do pedoph is Jared fucking little girls or little boys? That's what I don't get. Yeah. Why do they always fuck little boys? Yeah, and like, what's the deal with that? Depeta files who fuck little girls make fun of little, petta files who make fun of, oh fuck little boys?

Yeah, like, at least I'm not gay, dude. Yeah, like, come on, you're a fact. Yeah, it's fucking little pussy. I fuck little girls, not little boys. Yeah, I've always wondered that. Yeah, it's, oh, you never hear about like them touching little girls, always little boys. Yeah. What is the deal with, even the guy from Penn State. Do you think about little

boys? Yeah. Yeah. Almost a witty at access to, right? Because Sandusky was in a locker room with boys. That was a matter. That's why Woody Allen is so brilliant. He was fucking girls. Oh my god. Or one girl. And she was Asian. So imagine how tight she was Makes it seem glamorous when he tells it All right, so who's worse who's worse if you in order of worse Jared Vogel Lance Armstrong wait, we're all a dean. Oh Jay Michael Vick Tiger Woods wait, what did Lance Armstrong do he lied? It's there isn't a lot of it made a million He fucked a lot of people over he was

he lied because there is a lot of a million dot he fucked a lot of people over he was though he was a lot of people's cars if you say anything i will i will kill you basically i will threaten your life i will rule out he's right people's lives bed but also raise a ton of money for cancer

uh... yeah alright so we put him at the bottom put him at the bottom for the cancer he's a lot of good work lives probably got polodyne these people have been in the new so i mean raises and all her but she didn't murder molesting i murder she's I say I say I say

Paul Adin's behind Lance that's what they're saying that's fair that's fair yeah so she's lower so racist is lower than she directly she just says I'm ready anybody yeah he threatened people lives and I'll be you I'll

never work again and she's been cooking for the Negro for years. She gives back. She gives back. Yeah. You could say African-American. Oh, come on. All right.

So speaking of African-Americans, OJ on the list, and Michael Vick. I mean, Michael Vick is below OJ, because Vick was dogs. OJ was his people. We got any dog lovers here. It depends on who you talk to. I know some dog loving people. I love dogs. I love dogs, but OJ's got gonna be one. Big was dogs. Yeah, like he's a murderer. We got any dog lovers here. It depends on who you talk to. Like I know some dog loving people. I love dog.

I love dogs, but Oh, just got to be one. What? He's the headliner. I agree. Yeah. He's got to be one. He killed a white woman. He killed two people.

Two people. Yeah. Never proven. He's running in conjunction with Jared Fogo, I think. No, Fogo's given orgasms. There's got to be one kid out there who liked it. I mean, statistically speaking. What's your pitch if you're a Jared to the kid?

I'm the subway guy. Yeah, I guess. I think you go up with a piece of bread and open it in your dicks in it. Yeah. So you give them like a $30 card to subway? Here you go. This meat is real.

Do you want olives on that? Do you want the whole thing? Put them together the same with yourself. Yeah, I'll give you a banana pepper. That's a horrible story this week. That's not Southwood. So, OJ was one. I don't know what we finally decided.

Did we decide? From bottom up, is that what we decided? Tiger Woods cheating on his wife is lower. Oh, that's fine. What about Cosby? No Cosby in there? Oh, right. Cosby as well. Sorry, this one. Okay, that's fine. What about Cosby? No Cosby in there? Oh, right. Cosby as well.

Sorry, listen. Okay, what do you want to do? Again, Cosby was he in a home, people? Yes, he was driving them and then right back in there. Like, he was banging them. Yeah. So was he who's loobe?

He must. You can't get in that dry case. That's a good question. He was giving them quail eggs. We know that. Yeah, that I know. But is it a good question? I would say that, that's a good question.

I don't know if it's a good question. But it is a question. So which is where all the cellar and rapists who are listening, they want to know. He raped 40 people in this guy, allegedly. Allegedly in rape 14 children. So which is worse? Are you children or 30 women?

I think rape in the children. The children's worse. Children's a little bit worse. The children's a little bit worse children or 30 women? I think rape in the children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth.

The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth.

The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children's worth. The children Cosby. Denvic. Vic. Armstrong. Armstrong. Dino.

And then Tiger Woods is there? That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom.

That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom.

That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's the bottom. That's Dean's fine. Well, shit. Cause Tiger Woods really didn't... He didn't hurt anyone here in the white. But she didn't hurt his wife. But she made a fortune. But she made a fortune. She was like pretty racist.

Was she? He's like the N words, not really. Yeah, but you know, she's from a different time. Oh boy. Well, she didn't hurt anyone. I don't think black people hate polodine. Deepu, your pride. Drawed seems to like her. Well, that didn't hurt any money. I don't think black people hate polody Deepu your problem. Trot seems like her well that's in your show did the on last coming to that very pretty funny Stand-up like the price of her pot, you know her pot's went. Yeah, miss Pat. Love miss Pat. Yeah, she's a character

Did some you know joke about you know the pot used to be really expensive to buy so she loves to cook by polody And spots and then when she got in all this trouble the pots went down to like 20 bucks. Yeah, I was very much like Rachel Ray getting trouble. Not bad. I was just impressed because you have to submit all your jokes to lawyers and network and all that stuff. And the jokes that I was allowed to say during the tapings I was very impressed with what

they they never showed it. So I guess I shouldn't be that impressed. But they had they let me do an HIV joke. They let me do all those stuff. Those That, not those jokes, which are pretty edgy. I think that's why they had to air the show at 10. Yeah, but they caught them. But then they caught them, right? Yeah. They're full of shit. Right. They did that for the audience and they probably had your narrative already. So I really do think they have it all planned before. Oh, yeah. And within a range of, they know who they want. They know

who they want. They know who they want. Exactly. They're rooting for certain people to get it. And when it's in the range of acceptability, they'll just go Harrison or Buh or that. All right, let's go. But Harrison will be great for the show and the taping. You know, like I do think it's more calculated than you think, but is there a top 10 or top 20? A lot of people got top 10 last night. No, five down to 10.

I was like, how to get down to 10? He goes from normally in the show, it goes from 140 to 25, 25 to 10. And then 10 slowly down. They skipped the week there. So they go from 140 to 10, which is gigantic cut. And then 10 to five in one episode, because they're gonna do head to heads. And then five to one, one episode cuts from five comics to one.

Uh huh. All right. Wow. Well, they were the last one was always five performing live and then it's this one. Right, but you've seen them a bunch over the series. If you win, you get to do four sets on TV. If they show every minute of your sets,

you get three and a half minutes times four. Twelve. Wow, that's nothing. Well, let's do it. You get 14 minutes total. A 12 minute comic could headline is headlining now. 14 minutes, which is what Felipe Asparza was. Right. Slesinger and so on on I'm two minutes short

not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not with charge fifty bucks a picture oh i see that move and i feel like it's just the worst what it looks a picture for what to take a picture with him just to see it is yeah is it like an iphone iphone and iphone yeah he's like wow i think fifty bucks so people have to go to the ATM take a fucking out and it's crazy someone like that said that i would be like go fuck yourself but what's the life expectancy of that

baloney well he could be a good com, his great credit, you could ride that. I think if you're more likable, it's like just with free, everyone big. Oh, it says a nice guy, I'll come back and see him. That's not nice. I think it's just a wheel that goes around. Yeah, I mean, I remember Pat and Oswald was the exact opposite. He's like, I have these posters for sale,

they're 10 bucks, 100% of the profit goes to charity. Like, that's a classy, yeah, but he has money. Yeah, but he's not gonna charge you for, he was like, you know, take pictures with me, donate $10 to charity. Yeah, but he has money. Yeah, but he's not going to charge you for, he was like, you know, take pigs with me donate $10 a charity. That's kind of, oh, if you go with Jim or Bob anywhere, Bob is not charging for pigs. Yeah, Bob. Not even just the pictures.

Hosters, they're different. Bob is, is married. You do have to pay for a phone. They can do a panorama. Oh, right. Wide view. Yeah, yes, panorama. Oh right. Wide view.

Yes, panorama. Bobby will meet everybody after a show. That's how it should be. Yeah. They paid to see your performance. They can do it. They can say hi. Right.

All right, Norman, I'm going to give you a list of hot chicks. Oh, geez. Oh boy. I got weird taste. What's your number one hot chick going on right now in the world? Well, I'm going to add these three and you tell me if I can be number one. I got I got weird taste Who there's so many like like models? We don't really know about yeah Yeah, okay, so give me one that you do know about that the audience would know I guess I like that

I like that's Selma Hayek. There you go. All right. She I think she peakedaked in from Dustel Dawn. That is like the greatest. Oh my God. That stripping part still looks good. But that was unreal. That was, that was the best. I had a really big question on what's her name and true detective this year.

Rachel McGow. Oh, she's pretty. She's really good in this. She was good. Did you like, did you like, did you take a free picture of me? Did you take a picture of me? She did?

I met her way back in the day. She charged you for a picture. No, she did it. I'm saying she took a picture because that's what you do wow I say can I take a picture I'm like oh I get 50 bucks out of an ATM I would have I would have applauded that because I would have been a hell of a story and she's funny to the Madman yeah

in Drew Tatecciv yeah oh this this Rodman is gonna come after me he is he's gonna come on is it all right so some act, you have a girl out there that's your number one. This is where it changes every two years, right? It changes all the time. Well, some high acts been around for a while, so this has been one. I mean, I just can't think of one,

but that's the, she's, I like Penelope crew. I mean, when I was younger, Michelle Tractonberg was like my big, I was hoping you'd say RuPaul. Ha ha ha ha. Scopo. Oh wow, number one, I don't know. I gotta think I don't think I'm gonna be able to remember. Yeah, I don't know on top who's oh the chick put the chick from guy code I love her Melanie and glazius

I'm still thinking about those hot chicks the the royal bathers from coming to America still wow Jesus Christ you gotta get a better that's a deep cut. That's a throwback. You haven't come everything within 30 years of, uh, all right. Did you get a cornered home? Yeah, no, right? Did you get a cornered with this? Look it up.

Deep was going to VCR. Here's one that drives my girlfriend crazy right now. This is mine. I always have one a year. And it's, and I just tease her with it. And you just get that look, you know, but it's a Margot Robbie, you know, my, oh, yeah. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. She's, you know, oh, yeah, she's unbelievable.

She's unbelievable. She came out in a, let's do it. Oh my god. Oh my god. My girlfriend's gonna listen to this. Let's do another take and really downplay it when I say it.

In case you want it. All right. So mine is Margot Robbie. Eh. What a whole thing. Yeah, right. But she was in Wolf of Wall Street and it was just, oh, no.

Yeah. And now she's a suicide squad. She's hardly Quinn, which is one of the hottest comic book characters of all time. She was on week, the day after this happened, like I think when she came on screen in Wolf of War, I went, oh my God. Oh my God.

And my girlfriend, can't hear anything, but she can hear that. Yeah. You gasped, you gasped. You know, like, he's on the floor and she's got his, her shoe on his face. Oh my God, she's just imagining that that labia Hell I mean there are some girls who are so hot it almost makes you angry. Oh, yeah

Yeah, you're not real yeah All right, so let's go with this list. What do you think? Okay, so all right, Margot Robbie, you've got Selma Hayek. Maybe Allison Brie. Allison Brie, community. Community. Yeah. He is super hot. He needed time to actually think about this. Very ridiculous.

You know who's a deep who went for somebody for 30 years ago. I just tell you, deal with you. Really got no girl in the top of your head. How about the Instagram chicks? Like the workout chicks? They're all smoking hot. They're very hot.

You got one-jewel. Okay, smoking hot. There you go. Nobody knows the numbers. You're all smoking hot. They're very hot. You got one-legged. Okay. Smoking hot. There you go. Yeah, nobody knows anything else. You're jerking off to Instagram. I mean, you could. Okay, can any of these three beat Maria Sharapova?

Not anymore. Not anymore. Not for me. This is the hot, she was in this girl Emily Rajakowski. Oh, yeah. No idea. She was a gone girl, but she's also the blurred line girl. She was also in a entourage move, the movie. Very attractive. Yeah, that's so line girl. She was also in a garage move the moving very

Tractor so gone. She died nice to spell her last name. All right, well Normans led his sorry I'm gonna read a couple of Norman tweets. Oh, what do you? Scarlett Johansson is when she's an Avengers. Oh, she's so hot in Avengers. Elizabeth Olsen's not too bad either. Who's that? She's a Scarlet Witch in the Avengers. Yeah, she's hot. All right. Megan Fox is single. Oh, she's very attractive.

That's right. Actually, who plays, what's her name? Gemma Ackinson, she's Agent Carter. Yes. She is unbelievably hot. She's very pretty. Yes. Like an attainable British way.

Well, the accent, what do you think about the accent? I love a good accent. Yeah, I don't care. Ah, well the accent, what do you think about the accent? Love it, yeah, that's not. Yeah, I don't care. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Is Margot Robbie, she Australian? Oh, it's even better. Yeah, boy, what a bud. She's like 22, I think, or 23, she's young.

You know what I think is hot? That everyone's going to kick me in the balls. Chelsea Paredi. Chelsea Paredi, I love that. I love that. It's interesting. Those eyes, the schnoss. She's got a weird face. I like a real mug. She'd hang out in the 40s with gangsters.

Yeah. The gun malls. I like a Sarah Jessica Parker. There you go. Amanda Pete. Oh, Amanda Pete. Yeah. She's got that guess.

I love that guess. It's funny because they don't get the odd look anymore. It's very rare. You know, the Christian Ritter. That's true. funny because they you don't um... get the odd look anymore it's very rare you know that christian ridder that's true she has a she on breaking bad and stuff she's very hot nearly on the first season of true detective with the huge cans that would he her also was banging

out out of the andra did are you know she was some unbelievable yeah unbelievable that's we was at brock Barack Obama was like watching true detective So she replied and said the president just saw my boobies Takes her up a peg. Yeah, so she's funny too All right, I don't know what we have left. We have a couple minutes left There you go perfect. So Harrison what's coming up? Let's go with what's coming up and what do you got on the in the where you have a lot of stuff in the works Right? Yeah, some projects But one is like a real go can we talk about it or not? Yeah, cuz we have none of the paperwork in but can I ask you a quick

Are you a little bit excited about the Twitter feud because it kind of gets buzz right? Yeah, I mean I think I yeah It's okay. I'll the no, but is it no Yeah, right a bunch of followers with it. I got a bunch of Twitter followers a bunch of people who have seen my work. I mean, I feel like I haven't had that much exposure in my career So it's been nice to get a little bit sure sure Good press there it is and all right anything else you want to plug or how about your website at Harrison comedy is my Twitter Harrison greenbound dot com is my website. Okay. Norman. Hey, check me out on the Twitter at Mark Norm

and I'm coming around to some clubs. I'll be at Stress Factory on the 27th to the 29th and then a Sacramento punchline on the 4th and through 6th. And your kid congrats. Ballin' on top on the baby. Yeah, thank you yeah thank you thank you we don't know what it is yeah I'm giving that thing up I love this tweet Norman I'm a little worried because I can't remember how still Alice ends

no one got there but thank you I like oh I feel somebody out one time over your tweet oh really you tweeted something earlier in a day and then this guy literally the same exact thing on Facebook and I was like hey dude stop really? Like same exact thing on Facebook, and I was like, hey dude stop Popping Mark McIntyre's tweets and then he and then he and then he didn't follow me. Whoa That's a really I appreciate that. This is our story as well. That you holy crap. Yeah, we didn't get into that You know what's funny about the fat dude and I'll just quickly wrap it up with that time with big J The fat Jew who was making he makes a lot of money off of that thing.

But if you notice, like, it's not, no Jews came to his rescue. You know, they were just like, whatever. Yeah. You know, somebody, I'm not saying any other race gets into trouble for whatever they're doing. Good point. And then there's, you know, the NAAC, everybody's like, oh no, he was anistani. No, fat Jew screwed people. They're like using the wrong done never One person defend this guy good point. He's career is over now, right?

I hope you know, he's hopefully sucked it away because he's making like six grand a tweet Something like that if he tweeted something about your company. We just dropped him and how many central drops of yeah Great. James gets if he's tweets your company you get a a hundred, he gets a hundred 40 million for that. No. I mean, not a million. No, that's not a thousand. Sorry, a hundred 40,000 tweets. It'd be a billion.

Yeah. For everything he does. So the fact that you, I would like to fight the guy, he's the only guy I'd like to actually fight. I hate him. They say he's running Chelsea. Did he see anyone in your team? No, no.

He's in New York, you know Ben Rosen? Ben Rosen and Sam. Sam Marille. Really? Yeah, unbelievable. It's getting to you, she's just changed his name. Just getting to you. New York You know Ben Rosen Ben Rosen and Sam Samaril really yeah unbelievable terrible skinny Joe I should change his same just skinny Joe right no by the title Xander just you know those weird All right one of those yes some e-cards and somebody took one of his and put it around the some e-card But the problem with some e-cards is that there's also a way to just submit any joke anybody can make one It's so it might not be coming from them, which is the problem. Well, it's not coming from Ted You know, I mean right, but it's could be just something like random dude using the website to make it

I used to the website putting it up. I do I'm not sure if it's the website. It's screwed up. Yeah, that's bad Check out my podcast use of a store. It's thank you. Yeah. How is that? Who is it? Who's your partner on that by the Joe list? Oh, that's you and Joe Listen the picture on the yeah, oh, I can tell you He is touted as like they were really high on children. They're really yeah. Norm loves him, which is on. There you go. Yeah, but he's got a half hour special coming out. He's doing great. He's doing great. And you guys, what's Scobo tell me anything that I should know about Bob will be back next week. Bob will be back next week. We have a new studio. Oh yeah, what is going on with that? I'm not by the way, I'm not in the studio. Robert gave me. Yeah, we're at the

no advance warning on my guess. We're at the table right now. I don't get the studio. You just, yeah, we're the new, we have a new, everything is revamped. Made a bigger, painted it, got a new desk. Very nice. A lot of good things are, we got a new mixer. It's like a professional place up there. People excited about that. You'll actually get like a, an area to work. Yeah, it's a beautiful studio and you should definitely check it out. Next week's episode on YouTube, YouTube.com slash YQTBD podcast. Is this one on anywhere?

Eventually? Yes, this will be out Sunday night on that same YouTube channel. We're not live right now though. Yeah, can't go live down here. Well, you can go to LennyMarcus.com. My new CD just dropped. Ooh, it's a comedian cupcake. Nice. And those are your actual family members on the cover. That's my niece and nephew. Yeah. They're on it. Yeah. And Lenymarkis NYC is my Twitter. And I have a short film coming out soon called The Locker. Hopefully that'll get into something so it worked really hard to summer on it.

It's directed into this. But old Jews. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Making a real easy for me so because I know you guys and you're always great and deep who and scopo Thanks and Bobby would you come back soon. I'm done don't don't we'll see you Tuesday lunch with Lenny I don't know if you know we have lunch every Tuesday Bobby And the theme song please call in with this theme song. It's something like lunch with Lenny He is my pal Lenny we don't have gals, you know, you guys look like a gay couple. Yeah, we do it. It's really funny The bear and the twink. Yeah, there you go. All right. Bye you guys Listen up YKWD fans last football season draft Kings dot com crown more millionaires than any other one week fantasy sports site Anywhere and this season the prizes are even bigger

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