Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Manu Ginobili

Episode Date: January 5, 2015

Robert is joined by Brandon Collins, Damien Lemon, Paul Virzi, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable, 33 grados. You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? On the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com Yeah, what's up? I'm, I'm, I've done this 900 times, so I'm just fucking well on this out, because Paul Verr is these fucking looking at me Looking asshole Depot is fucking totally fucking distains everything. I've said so far and Chris scope when Adrian

I don't even pay an attention to me, but this is the deal January 9th on Comedy Central my one hour special Robert Kelly live at the village on the ground Premiers, I need you to check it out T Tivo, watch it, tell everybody you know. And that night, the same night, you can own it for five bucks at Robert Kelly Live.com. You can preorder your unedited version with a bunch of extras right there at Robert Kelly Live.com. And it's five bucks, or you can pay a little more. That's your option.

So make sure you go there, Comedy Central January 9th, check it out, spread the word, and then go to robberkellylive.com right after and buy it. I really appreciate you guys, you guys are the best fans in the fucking world. Thanks for listening to the podcast, and thanks for supporting my live comedy. Goodbye, Dad. Go to the website, Dad. Five bucks, dead. Well, good, well, good. To the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on it. It's just us sitting

down and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's intense. It's rubber-killing. You know what? you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you Yes Baby, I love that Mary fucking Mary Thank you to the guys Over at Sagar Republic Fucking wherever that is in West Chester. What's up guys? Have Mary Christmas happy new year? Stop love the enthusiasm.

Yeah, it's you. Love that this is gonna be a popping show I can tell. No, I have one question. Six and a half inches. I have one question. Four and a half inches. Are we smoking a... Three inches.

Are we smoking a stick after the show? Can we think I brought in a fucking... A human who are the same. I brought a fucking human who had 95 fucking nubs. I was literally eating the swarm of gondias. I hope I hope we gonna... Dead, I got a fucking the swarm of gondola. I hope I hope we gonna Fucking battle smoke smokes dogs. No, but I understand the appreciation. Oh, yeah Now my brother lawyers to be a big cigar head. Oh, yeah, subscribe to cigar fishing out of an all-in-one

Oh, did he? Yeah, yeah, I'm not I'm not that crazy and I'm fighting it. I'm fighting it a lot Okay, like I I don't I can smoke one once a day. I could do that. And I, but, and it's weird, back when I started smoking before is when I quit cigarettes for nine years, I started smoking stokes and I go back to cigarettes that way. That's a scary thing for me, okay? Cause quitting cigarettes was a motherfucker,

but that's why I'm fighting it. I'm smoking, I'm not doing it when I want to do it. I'm like, fuck you. No, you know, you don't get one. You still got yourself- I don't have self-control at all. Look at me. Are you looking at my chins? But, yeah, no, I am fighting it though. Yeah, my wife's getting on me about everyone's getting on me about it. Even my friends are like, dude, what are you doing? I've been going hard with the cigars. I got a, what's hard with a cigar like? How? It's like, I won't say no.

Like if I smoked one now, and then I ran into you at a comedy club in two hours and you want to go to the cigar, I will get one. Oh, shit. Yeah, that's not good. Doesn't it give you a taste in your mouth every time I smoke one? Yeah, it's fucking delicious. It's tasty to my mouth. It gives you a taste to give you a fucking.

No, they have no taste. It's heavy. It's heavy. No, the taste like the next day. The next day. Do you taste. It gives you a fucking taste. No, they have a taste. It's a heavy taste. It's heavy, yeah. No, the taste like the next day. The next day. You brush your teeth, you fucking s**t. No, I don't fucking like them.

Every time I do it, I have a taste. I actually got something not the name drop. But Dennis Leary, who smokes 900 cigarettes. Oh, does he use a cigar? No, he doesn't smoke cigars, but he smokes cigarettes. Fucking every two seconds. He smokes in hospitals. You know, he smokes. It doesn't matter where he is,

he's lightin' up a fuckin' butt. I think he lit up in the fuckin' white house with some shit, right? So, he smokes, but he choose gum. After, he choose like 19 pieces of gum after every cigarette, and then he brushes his teeth. But that, so his mouth doesn't have that shitty taste in his teeth on fucked up.

I feel that. Yeah, that's one thing that fucked me. My teeth in his teeth aren't fucked up. I feel that. Yeah, that's one thing that fuck me. My teeth used to get jacked smoke and cigarettes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, plaque and fucking coffee and brown and pussy. That's a bad mixture. Pussy, coffee and cigarettes. Fuck up a tool together.

Oh, fuck up some teeth. It's a great evening, huh? Or a great fucking evening. I'll get to know a great weekend. Yeah, yeah. Well, I love that he made an evening, so you weekend to you. You're gonna take your time. You're gonna pace it. Chris, go around the room and introduce everybody. I love that he made an evening to you weekend to you Chris go around the room and introduce everybody all right to my left first time in show very funny guy on the guy code

Damien lemon everybody you give it up for Damien right here. I was about to applaud the fuck is give it up to a plot like it's guys. I don't know fucking asshole. I don't know how to supposed to cheer What the fuck? I don't know came out give it up. I thought Adrian was gonna Clip I almost got it. I'm on camera fucking going like this and I stopped myself I got dignity in the last second I've never plotted for anybody on the show. All right, go ahead. They've got a Coming back Paul Burzy everybody. Yo, yo, the Verzi effect podcast. Yes, very popular. Not top 10 Apparently, what have a fucking made that list? I'm gonna hear about that shit fucking dude in the basement

Fucking some chip that fucking Mark Norman's bang in You're the top 10. I gotta hear fuck it's going out with the lists I gotta hear fuck it's going on with the lists. I guess that's the thing. It's a listing. Everybody, you know, anybody can make lists. They want a computer in a Wi-Fi. That's ridiculous. Tonight we're gonna make lists.

We're gonna do a WI-K-DEP-1 game. We're gonna do a top comic list. Everybody in this room, I'm saying right now is top comics. Thank you. No, you know what's funny? One comic mocked it. He goes here the top thousand comics of 2014

Yeah, so far and he literally listed a thousand yeah, I know but you understand that certain comics went there went what the fuck Yeah, I was even on the fucking list I was six or three Everybody know what I did look I had a lot of it. I know that's a Funny thing is the funny thing is the one list I was on he spelled my name wrong. Oh That's funny, but neither way I didn't look this like a bockocky can't I'm not even on the fucking list I'm gonna kill this mother either was neither was like burr burr wasn't on the list. That's funny No, nobody's on the list. So you gotta answer.

What? No, no. I gotta wait. I'm good. What the fuck did you get? What did you just do? Because I started to talk before he got introduced. I wanted that.

I didn't want to fuck you know. No, we, I got it. No, I gotta take care of it. I'm the fucking, I got the fucking out. I got you, yeah, I know. I got this. All right, what the fuck, did you drop a rap album this weekend? I got you, I got you. What the fuck is this? I got you, I got you. Yeah, I know I got this all right. What the fuck did you drop a rap album this weekend? I got you. What the fuck is this? I got you. I got you

I got you I got you I got you Chris go ahead last but not least back Branding Collins everybody last you fucking ass. We got other people. I'm here He's fucking here so is it so I so like you're doing the show for so long You're doing so good at everything. How are you fucking up people's intros? It's great to be back in as a witness this tension over and over Attention tonight. It's not tension. I love Chris By the way, thank you Chris. I want to thank I wanted to thank him on the show. He hooked me up Oh god tickets to what to the fucking nicks

Yeah, and it was You fucking do in your show. I thought you first really you were doing your show first I'm sorry, I just wanted to thank you because it was the best Well, what I will kind of see the best it was kind of see below There's a seat with like nine rows off the court against how many tickets uh just two you have two fucking tickets yeah the fucking I had four actually but my brother took the other two how much did they lose anyway always did they they lost haha haha I went to the game on Christmas oh Oh, that was a nice thing, but thank you does one of the best. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome. That's from me too

We got to YKWD tickets I want to say anything. Yeah, I would love it if it's some hook up you got from the show You just fucking funneling shit to your family and your friends Don't make sure Bobby gets the tickets. I will I will Did he like the game? I couldn't make it. I gave it to Paul for it. Oh, I like Paul, but Bobby ever gonna make the show. I mean, I was gonna make tickets. Who's over on the couch?

Adrian. Fucking Adrian. Adrian from the from the OP and Jim show. Right. From serious exam and he is a full turn, a full time, what the fuck are you over there? So that's a big name. Full time producer. So she, ooh, is that worse or better? Well, that's a big name. Full-time producer.

So shit. Ooh, it's worse or better? I think that's worse. That's worse. Yeah, okay. Well, so he's here. He's doing, I really want to thank you. I want to make it.

Can I thank somebody? I want to thank somebody. Damien? Go ahead. This guy over here on the couch. See that guy? Yeah, see him. Yeah, he doesn't look like a giver does he he looks like a mugger looks like

I got definitely like he takes he looks like he takes a virginity Fucking he looks like a fucking like a almost like a like a rapist, but doesn't you know he women fight him off And he gets scared and he leaves uh-huh persistent rape the old Bill Cows So what you thinking of for what happened? He went out of his way from my children's gift drive and bought them, bought a bunch of gifts on his own, on his own, and then bought gifts, he brought in gifts from the studio and really donated a bunch of stuff for the show, man. I really, that's a solid, that's a man thing to do.

That's a man thing to do, buddy. You understand? No, it's like a man. Okay, good, we'll move on. I was fucking hit to climactic. I thought you'd make a speech, I wanted to do it. Kids mean a lot to me, you know, when I was a kid, I didn't have much, you know, I tried to help,

and you know, the toys I bought, I wish I could have done more. Not here, go, you got a speech, you know, I got a speech. I always had awesome Christmas every year you did but yeah, but my parents my dad coming up He never had by that fucking hat and scarf combo you go You did what you want for Christmas this year? I got a membership to jujitsu spot for a month Oh, that's all we need you to fucking know jiu-jitsu The backup plan though someone wants to charge you we got a guy who knows how to fucking do karate What's your jiu Jitsu?

Are you fucking what's wrong with you dude? I'm not kidding dude. I want to fucking intervention Fucking applaud and fuck whatever rush it with him And you fucking announce him what the fuck it's it's karate. What is this fucking 84? It's the same thing But no it's karate and you get to a fuck a million miles apart You only take it a month and not Japanese it's But if they're gonna follow get the self defense All right 200,000 as a gift my parents pay for the first month and then I'm taking over the rest how much is it a month?

250 250 a month You should join my cigar place 70 Can talk about you just work Fucking hang out and fucking hang out and have some fucking good times Fuck it. What the fuck? So why do you want to learn your jitsu? You already look like a pretty jacked up guy like your I'm an awful guy. You said I used to wrestle all I used to wrestle you around really and now I'm an awful Ship for shits and giggles. Did you just wrestle guys in the park? No, I'm in high school. Oh nice cool. Yeah, I don't fuck the rest

You're a weird fucking thing. They try to get opponents. He just started fucking slapping guys in the air. Come on. No, no, come on. Put you all, I don't want your money. Come on, let's wrestle. And the streets would have singled it all. Showing. Want one shoulder out?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Could you? I don't fuck with wrestlers on them. R wrestlers are no joke. R wrestlers have weird fucking strength, man. I don't know where they get it from. It's a that the grip the the forum just the shit They can do with your body box catcher movie. That's that should have been that as I can't wait the train that they do

That's stories not that it's about a wrestler. It's about yeah It's sort of that's like Steve Correll plays this billionaire. They're like buttons them getting a rapper at Olympics He's a real it's a true story. Yeah, it's a two-pont. Yeah, two-pont. He used to run a gym called Team Fox Catcher. His, he comes from a huge mass of, you know, old money family.

And they did a lot of fucking weird shit. And there's a mother, you know, they had a lot of military contracts, blah, blah, blah, blah. And his mother was into horses. And they were into, you know, Fawkes hunting was a big thing with their family. And he was just this fucked up guy who never got the approval of his parents

or his mother. It's like a crazy genius. Just a crazy, he wasn't even a genius. He wasn't a genius. He was not a genius. He was a genius. No, he was like a, yeah, I think Chris,

your problem was like some sort of expert in like, I don't know if it's one of theology or something like that. And a, no, he was like a, no, yeah, he crased you. The problem was like some sort of expert in like, I don't know if it's one of theology or something like that. What? Look man, if you're, if you just use a whack-up. Can I say something though? You gotta, you gotta see in there. If my mother, if my family had millions of dollars, I would be in, I would have a doctorate,

I would be an expert in fucking archery, pottery, you would fucking of admit making, yeah, yeah. Come to the grant. Yeah, it's money, you get fucking of admit making, yeah, yeah, comes with the grant. It gives money, you get something. He gets shit, dude. Yeah, this fucking bill Cosby's a doctor. Yeah. That cut and a rapist.

Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. And then he basically got into, he wanted to be a, if you watch, did you see the movie? No, but I know the story. Okay, here's the thing. In the movie, he wanted to be this wrestling coach He wasn't so he just went out and bought them the at this point of this guy's life Where he was going to the world games?

He won gold. He's fucked up his brother his older brothers better than him Which is always the case. That's where I'm gonna have him one kid better than him life just Wrestling and life the show the shult the shult brothers His family he had his family and a wife kids. He was just as cool his personality was great He was awesome. Younger ones like really introverted. He can't express themselves So it's just shanning to him like fucking jack out But I ate no real life. They're both unbelievable wrestlers. Yeah, they're unbelievable wrestlers But he would he had nobody's living in a shit hall. He was drinking, he was eating fucking noodles and noodles.

You know what I mean? Cut to this guy. His brother's fucking got a family's coach and he's making money, he's got a house, he's got a family, he's got everything. This guy's got nothing. This guy, DuPont, steps in and says, I want you to come with me.

But he really wanted him and his brother. His brother said, go fuck yourself, I'm happy where I'm at. This guy went and was so, you know, look when somebody in life, when people, there's sometimes in life, if somebody just believes in you, if somebody just fucking believes in you, I believe you can do anything.

Yeah, really. And that's exactly what happened. I remember, they didn't really have a family growing up too late They talked about that a lot too like they came from a broken home. Yeah, they both kind of had to help each other right It's a fucked up story this guy stepped in when this guy needed a father figure when this guy needed a coach When this guy needed somebody this fucking lunatic stepped in with all the money in the world and gave him whatever he wanted a house So he won gold for this fucking guy. I mean, for this guy. So he wrestled for him.

He wrestled with this guy. He'd be by a team. He was at the restaurant in T. He built like a whole, his mother had this, like in a state. And when she died, he took it over and built a massive wrestling company. He did it before she died. I saw the movie.

You didn't. The movie, I know the true story. I know the actual story. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh your brother. You know, this guy turns on him like they're like sociopaths. He also gave drugs too. And he became a junk. Give drugs. They started fucking. That was one part of the movie I didn't like too. When Steve Carell, they were on that they were doing drugs. And he started repeating himself and he turned into Steve Carell. Like in fucking every movie he's every done. I was like, oh, fuck, that's the. We go. Yeah.

So it was and then and basically he was like, fuck you. I want your brother went. He I don't care what it fuck this dude, bro. So it was, and then, and basically, he was like, fuck you, I want you, bro. Went, I don't care what it cost, went in God, I'm good, my house. He bought the whole fucking UST. That's how I got the brother here. Yeah, go ahead, I'm sorry. I was, what the fuck was that?

That's how I have the right answer. Okay, go ahead, Dimples. That's how the mother's dead. Do you want to talk to the microphone you're fucking humped? After the mother's dead. After the associate producer. A real producer would have talked in the microphone you in the mic and then you went like this off the

mic scope would only that happen again all right you got it after his mother's death DuPont developed a 440 acre farm as a high quality wrestling facility yeah I don't I don't believe that you just picked up a phone out of your pocket and read something go fuck yourself. What's that?

The chat new to express. What the fuck? I couldn't have got out chat a new. What the fuck? It wasn't a bandana. That's not even a band. That's a fucking flat tire. Deepo put that back.

Probably shave one of your arms. Anyways, yeah, it was a fucked up movie. Crazy movie. And basically dude, I mean, everybody knows the story. But it was a fucked up movie crazy movie and Basically dude, I mean everybody knows the story, but it's it was kind of fun You know what happened this year with movies? They did a lot of great acting but when they do great acting movies they kind of suck You know, I mean like I'm a fucking guardians of the galaxy I saw night crawler I saw night crawler

But you know I thought it was good, but I but I thought his acting performance was better than the movie. The movie didn't make me go, you know, oh, fuck. I was just like, wow, he was good and it was, it wasn't. He made me, I want to see him play Pat Riley. You saw how he looked with those slick matches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a real, he's, he's good. He's a good actor.

He's a beast. He's a beast. Jillin Hall is a good actor. His father's a director, like he direct me in that two-toe thing. He's like a... I don't know. Just a director that directs television shows. He's a really cool guy too, and his sister's fucking great too.

The whole family, right? I didn't know that his dad was a director. Everybody, yeah, his fucking whole family, man. Usually it is that fucking case in Hollywood. If you go back a couple, there's somebody who was a director. Everybody, yeah, his fucking whole family, man. Usually it is that fucking case in Hollywood. If you go back a couple, there's somebody who made a connection. You know what I mean, a Gwen of Paltrow. There's a few Robert Downey Jr.

The great, the people that are in, in. Oh no, Michael Douglas's dad was a legend. It was sitting there going, what the fuck, why can't I get a spot? Eh, eh. I didn't know. I found out Delia, Chris Delia's father is a big producer yeah

yeah there's there's always that that doesn't not help when your family's yeah been royalty or somehow yeah Tory spelling what the fuck would she do if her dad wasn't I mean she's about to fucking commit suicide on fucking a reality show what are you talking about I don't mean just just bad, just saying. They, her parents didn't, you know, her parents didn't give her shit. You know that? Her mother didn't give her money.

Her father didn't leave her shit. They have a fight. I fucking hate that. Wait, wait, they didn't give her anything. Listen, buddy. I'm telling you, and a lot of people, that the, a lot of rich mother fuckers, tight, just say, I gave you an education. Yeah bill case did that should right?

Fuck you man. I'm sick. Fuck you. But wait a minute, but there's a flip side to that coin and the only the only argument I would say I would say What the fuck are we? Is it I think a bit of a salad? There's a flip side to that coin. There's always a flip side We'll be back right after shuntel cigarettes a flip side to that coin there's always a flip side we'll be back right after shuntel cigarettes the fuck is that what the fuck is all right just do the flip side the side to that argument is he could have said look I put you in all these fucking I put you in 902 I'm not be Tory can you make you know no no no no he could talk to him like tore. No, he could have said he could have said look I gave you a

Spot on 902 and no one of the biggest shows you became a millionaire It was one of the biggest shows No, what I'm saying no Bobby in all seriousness what I'm saying is she could have blown the fucking money and he could have said fuck you I'm not leaving you I gave you I gave you Everything you became a star because You got But then when you get the kids all the money you get fucking J. No more Smith were bad shit crazy But let me ask you for family member gave you like I like to crazy weird black kids

Like the family member gave you like I like to create a weird black kid More talented they Michael Jackson's kids are out of the take karate. I fucking love it They got to be up the grandfather for that. Just trying to fight them for that money buddy. Let me ask you One second. All right. What did you say? I said they need to be able to fight off the grandfather Go try to go on a money that old Joe Jackson You just creeping around. Oh good. Yeah. I'm not sure. Bobby's scared.

My pictures to saddest. If the family- All those stars fell off your shirt when you saw that. I got one. I'm so scared. As you were, Paul. Oh shit. If a family member lent you $2 million or gave you an opportunity and you made two million dollars

Yeah, okay, and then that same family member saw you yeah, piss it away. Yeah, okay, and was like there's no fucking helping I've done I mean that money should be taken care of you look. I mean, I know it is the father I'm gonna explain something to you. It's your it's your responsibility It's like a marriage, okay? Me and my wife right now, we got a nice little tiny ranch house up in Westchester, ain't too crazy, it's small. I fucking pop off, I start making millions.

She's with me. We start, we get a bigger house, bigger cars, bigger lifestyle, we get a divorce, right? I'll order that money. She needs to be able to maintain the lifestyle that she was accustomed to Because we came up together, okay? You understand? That's a law looks when you get divorced You have to be able to maintain the life so you can't just say go fuck you go I don't like you anymore. Oh, I don't like what you did go live some fucking go live some on your own Oh, no, so depends on you. So now here's a kid now you raise these kids in this lifestyle this fucking you chouse

Uh-huh all the fucking shit you want Christmas is maids all kinds of shit ponies pulls And then one day you go go fuck yourself go mate. No, whoa you if you you raised me in this life You let me get accustomed to this and then all of a sudden I got big bills. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm not you. I'm this other person You need to fucking help me maintain that you need to give me you need you can't just shut me down You got to give me some type of trust because you and you Introduced me to this fucked up world of money. Okay, if I didn't have money, I'd be fine.

Right. So this would be cool. I'd be cool to go back to no money. I'm here I am. So now you put me in the spotlight, you put me in a show, you didn't pay me shit, you made me feel like shit on the show. The fucking made it just like everybody else. Okay, she didn't make any more money. She made less money than everybody. And then all of of a sudden he's got millions of millions of dollars

Instead of saying hey check it out. I'm gonna put this in the trust You're gonna get this much money a month or this much money a year to maintain a certain lifestyle that you can live Fuck you now I gotta go back and I gotta be homeless. I gotta be in a way no Much about it because I watched the show I don't know much about it because I watched the show Okay 3&D No, to 3&D See, I didn't know all that. I thought maybe there were things we didn't know why he was like what she did

I think that happens with any, but look man, if like we all come, I don't come from money You come from money? No, you come from money? No You come from money? Scupper, we know You don't come from money? What about you and India?

My father's a physician, so yeah, I come from a little money. All right, so really? Yeah. He's doing a free internship for you. Yeah, it would explain my... He's not free. He's got money off of this fucking thing. Yeah, not doctors money. No, of course not. You're not a doctor.

What would it explain? No, I want to hit with this explain. Well, it would explain my availability and possibly my intelligence. Oh explain us. Well, it would explain my availability and possibly my intelligence Oh, God damn it. You look like a werewolf Every time I look at you I'm fucking scared that you're gonna Dude you you bring these people up in this world if you got money man Your kids you're gonna deny your kids if you made them if you came from nothing and made all this money

You're gonna tell your kids fuck you go make your own. No, of course not That's not what I would do. I think it's bullshit that people do that especially Bill Gates No, but you're a billionaire you fuck with Bill Gates. You leaving them money It's just it mo like 90% of it is going to charities, but that 10% still like two billion dollars Which oh, it's a lot of money. They can't got to know a little bit about hustling though. He got to know how to make a dollar. Like a little, I don't want you to just bet on when I die, you good, cause the relationship is fucked up from the door. So, right, I exactly, I just count down the hours I die.

I hear you. I agree with you. I definitely agree with you. But what I'm saying is, is that okay, I got that much money, let me, let me, bring me some shit. Let's get a business going. What, what's your business? What do you,

it's not like this girl's not hustling, this Tory chick, she's hustling, she's got all this business, she's trying to create shit, but you can't be your dad. You know what I mean? It's like, like, my kid can't be me. You know what I mean?

Your kid can't be you. They're gonna be them. So you, she can't be, her, what's his name? Bill Gates is kid can't be me, you know what I mean? Your kid can't be you they're gonna be them so you she can't be her What's his name Bill Gates is kid can't be Bill Gates He can't go invent the next big thing and that pressure's on them to do some fucking crazy shit And it's like maybe he's just a dude who works at a fucking grocery store and has an apartment You know what I mean? I don't fucking know. Maybe he's just, you know, helps kids. What the fuck is that? You're not gonna make a million dollars,

but why can't he live good? Why can't you? Dude, fuck that. You should fucking be able to live the lifestyle. You're accustomed to growing the fuck up. I'm not saying they should give you, they should get you a house. You shouldn't have to fuck.

If you're a billionaire, your kids should not have to buy a house You should fucking give them a house give him a car every fucking year Because the kid doesn't have to do shit like the kid doesn't have a reason to go to college the kid doesn't have a reason to I would give him a really healthy healthy paycheck and let him run something from me I go look run this you'll never have to worry, but you got to do a good job But I would have to make them fuck up. I go, look, run this. You'll never have to worry, but you got to do a good job. But I would have to make them fuck up. I would have, you know, if they fucked up,

then I would be, I mean, look, there's some things that take it away. No, but there's some things that you got to benefit from me. You know what I mean? They got it. Yeah. I might start you out with a couple million dollars. Hold that.

Do what you're gonna do with that. I'm not gonna let you perish. I'm not gonna let you live in squalas. But don't think that you don't have to do shit. I need to because you got to think about all that money. I can't relate to a kid that's not working. I'm not saying your kids not, but here you there's no way the kids not going to work. The kids go into the best schools. The key. Look, when you go to the best schools from fucking kindergarten to preschool

till fucking college, you're gonna get a job, you're gonna have a passion. You're gonna, these kids, look, you're gonna, man, you can't, you're not going to college without a fucking, with some type of desire to do something. But he could go to college and fuck around. Look, man, first of all, who said yeah? It's a it's a tough thing man I think it's they're probably gonna end up going to Harvard you don't think they're gonna pass them because they're Bill Gates

kids no dude fuck you no yes they will they can't get passed in Harvard because they don't do that and look at man George Bush with a Yale Ivy League's a Yale Bush Bush is not a fuck you have a fucking role of like many condominiums for like role to students Like yeah, come from legacy. That's fine. That's fine legacy. It's fucked up But they're still not fucking pass. Look it. You ever see the movie what's that movie with where they shoot? Osama bin Laden where they kill him? What's that? Zero dark. There's no dark. There to you See that movie when a Gandalfine comes out of the room. You what's up? What's up with this girl? What do you what do you take it? He goes goes she's very smart he goes we're all smart

yet to great like yet it's the fucking truth politicians are smart do you have a bunch of them joys are a bunch of people's fucking joys are but she's like you know he's not you think you know he's actually but but they did graduate with the average so it's not like he was don't blow yet it's a bit of was doing blow Yeah, so he was he was fucking around

I mean I'm smarter than my graze words You can't take a fight over it just cold thing is if you grow up as a billionaire's kid What do you aspire for like come on? Don't stop it dude. You're gonna aspire to be fucking it your imagination You don't have your imagination, let me tell you something, if I took away your financial problems right now, I said, poem, in all you guys, I said, fuck it,

you're set, your mortgage is done, don't worry about, I got you, everybody's got a house, I took care, creative you'd be every day, you know, fucking much comedy you do, you know, free of you'd be on stage, if you didn't have to, when you went on the road, you'd be more for, when you were doing an hour, you know why famous comics become better?

Because they have so much fucking, they got cash in the bag. And they don't have to, so when they go on the road, they can be like, look, these are my fans. They let me get away, they know what I'm doing. When you're at fucking size, but it isn't tamper, it's fucking people don't even know you. They know what I'm doing. When you're at fucking size, but it isn't tamper,

it's fucking people don't even know you. You gotta prove it, yeah. The guy just went up and did 25 minutes of local fucking holy shit and a murder. Now you gotta go up. They're looking at you. Everybody's going, who's this fucking guy? And if you don't fucking murder or do well,

you ain't coming back. You ain't coming back. You didn't sell a fucking ticket. You know what I mean? But that switches when all of a sudden you're selling tickets. When all of a sudden people are showing up to see you, you're freer because you don't have, even the fan part of it,

not even just having money is monetary in a way. It's like these people paid to see me. It's value in there. It's value. So you can, so absolutely if you have money, I'm not saying all the time, of course there's the crazy fucking lunatic in families,

but most of the time these kids are fucking going to school. They're doing what they're, and they're finding their passion, and they're doing it in such a fucking, they don't have to worry about it. I'm sure these people, they don't give them everything. All right, then why a lot of kids who have parents, like actors and fame is fucked up. You hear about a lot of kids, you know,

the fucking kids all over the top. Dude, hot, look man, you can't fuck around. Hollywood's a different thing. But they're rich though. I'm talking about, we're talking about showbiz. Yeah, they're rich. You're talking about Paris Hilton. You're talking about,

fucking Nick Cage's kids of psycho. Well, they're like, they're super heroes and shit. Yeah, but, okay, Nick Cage. They're like named that they're superheroes and shit. Yeah, okay Just sons name I for Zion or some like yeah, yeah, what's next KG I love how scopus and Nick Cage like he was friends with Because I remember because the kid wanted to fight in the MMA He wanted to do MMA against and then Dana White was like no you you're you're out of here I actually think though, and I'm I'm really not trying to like devil's advocate

with you here, but. You're doing the other side of the point thing again? I think the flip side to that is, sometimes when you don't have the fucking flip side. When you don't have the money, you're hungered like for me, like I got these two babies at home, and I'm running up and down, you know where I live,

I drive an hour there and an hour back. And I think for me, our hour in 10, hour in 10, hour in 10, I think for me, our intent, our intent. Our intent. And for me, it's like, I'm like, man, you better do that new joke. You better fucking, when you do headline fucking, you know, Providence or wherever the fuck you're going, you better do enough

to get come back. You better make sure the podcast numbers continue to go up. So, so not having, I mean, listen, I'm not broke, you know, my wife works, I work, we do okay. We have a nice house. We have nice great house. Yeah, but to do mediocre cars. I have not a mom. I got to tell you. You had a mom. No, I had a nice. Maximum. Yeah, 300. 200. Yeah, 300. 300 horse. 300 horse.

300 horse. I'm stupid. I'm fucked. Alright. Let's start listening to the fucking bottle. That's not a misady. No, but, but I, Red House.

I think I'm not, but, but to get to the next level is like what Damon said. There's got, there's got to be a hustle in somebody. And I think the hustle, I remember I was talking to, um, JB Smooth outside of standup New York years ago, years ago ago Yeah, like before he before curb your enthusiasm right and he said he goes I've been doing his 18 years and he goes but when my daughter was born. Yeah, I fucking just you know So I I also think there's that not a desperation But I think when there's family and you got to come up really I think that that can Say one more thing and then you go fuck it talk it for a long time

I'm sorry, sorry, but what I'm saying is like if you got a billion in the bank Yeah, I got a billion I might I might just rent comedies and smoke weed and be like I'll get up tomorrow All right, okay, you never got to do you I'm gonna say two things I'm gonna say two things first off I'm gonna say To things first off button that fucking second button That not that one no the other one. There's another button that's unbuttoned. I don't like that All right, that's the one that's the first

I post Second for dude, I honestly look there you can go back and forth on this I understand like you made a good point about the the fucking all on all on someone's calling you Hello Who's this oh My god Damien Damien just like who? I know. He makes me, I'm from terribly after him one night. Everybody in the room can say that.

Kelly, how are you? How are you, Baba? I'm really glad to hear your voice, mate. I know. I was a little bummed out. I haven't even haven't I haven't heard from you in a while. You didn't fucking do anything. You didn't even fucking call me or anything. All of a sudden you start sending me email after email. So I just can't read them. Your email is too long. You shouldn't have 15. There's no 15 paragraphs. You shouldn't have 15 paragraphs. There's one paragraph in an email to a friend Yeah, I'm cool with that do that thing like you know, you got to mean me you can't send me a fucking journal You understand?

Well first of all Kelly that's what I call Virzy's name, right? How you doing? Hi, how's it going? What's up, Kelly? How are you? I'm sorry, how are you? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm, Ipa against that? Chris, I just got fucking scalded by Depo. You have a touch me physically again. I will fucking snap on your Indian fingers.

You'll never fucking do a suture. You'll never fucking do a suture. I want you to watch me, but I think I'm a little bit out. Yeah. I'm trying to watch where I'll keep it. That's okay. And you're honest, I honest. You're honest, I honest. No, you honest you honest canceled

I you know what Kelly I miss you to death. I know I miss you to death But you're bringing the show to a fucking I gotta be honest You should have called with like the regs like a lot of Roman charges on that. Maybe Dan or fucking list. I mean, we were in a major conversation. It was going back and forth and then fucking it is literally just dead. The stars fell off fucking Collins is shirt again.

I will listen. I'm gonna set it up. The next one. We're gonna have the rest of the day. We're gonna have the rest of the day. We're gonna have the rest of the day. We're gonna have the rest of the day. We're gonna have the rest of the day. I'm going to set it up the next one. We're going to have the regulars in and you call in on the regular line on Skype and that way it sounds better too. When are you coming back? When?

Are you coming back in May? Hello, are you coming back in May? I didn't oh shit. No, I'm talking to you right now. Are you there? Kelly Hello Are you there? Oh It's going to get awkward. This is just there. Oh, it's going to get awkward. This is just just. I just can't just end it. Can I just say something though? Are you there? Fistoka. Oh, God.

How'd it call back? You guys got any other calls you got to make before? Dude, I'm sorry. It's here is a funny part. I love I love that there's people literally, there's people right now listening that on in the chat room are like fucking hang there Finally and the cars right now throwing

Right now just like just hang up because I know that I listen to shows and when this happens on shows I start yelling in my car. Just shut the fuck up. Why do you get a fucking speech? Oh, yeah, and I know this I just looked over at lemon because I was starting to feel it And I just wanted to do and I just saw his eyes go down to the floor and the interest level was fucking leaving Boba Boba wowie wee wee What that really just fucking If that phone rings against throw it out the window Fucking buy a new iPhone holy fucking I love Kelly, but Jesus,

she's a fucking breaks for a show. What are you shaking your finger at? Got something in chat. Okay, great, let's go. Go chat room. Tyrone or Kelly says she's calling back right now. Okay, let me see. I gotta say goodbye to her.

I gotta do this right. Hang on. Got me right. Okay, Kelly. Kelly. Hey. Hey, how you doing? Okay.

So you coming back in May? You want me to have a fucking chat right now? Hang on a second. Guys, give me one second. Are you coming back in May? Hello? Hello. There you go. Shut that fire down. Guys give me one second are you are you coming back in May? Hello

There you go We have to do Every fucking show I was trying to do she tried 20 minutes ago. She gave me the fair shot And then I was there. The phone cut off. I'm in it in. I should have fucking said it. I'm in the phone cut off. I was trying to get it, but she's going, hello, hello, hello.

All right. Anyways, go to the chat room room. Tyrone Orkel says, as Deepu grabbed Bobby, you could see the pure rage in his eyes. Well, I don't, you're fucking arrogant Indian tap. Fuck me. You know what it was. I was trying to prevent the chat from seeing

the credit card information you keep on the back of your phone. Oh, thanks. All Yeah, did they see it? They probably did yeah, what all don't say it anything now So I was gonna put it in the last two numbers of the credit card What did you do it? Oh god? What can they do with it? I don't know. Well, if you don't know North Korea is watching maybe they should yeah, okay What else where there? Derrick goto says you don't have North Korea's watching, maybe they should. Yeah, okay, what else? What else? Derek Gatto says, you don't touch Bobby, he touches you. That's true.

That was my nickname in Juvijillo. Juvijillo. Speaking of, okay, go ahead. Do you want to go back to the discussion about Japan? We have some comments about that. I mean, we're a little beyond that right now. I mean, we got the Deponte, but I think it's interesting. It's really interesting to me that

There is both sides of this, but if I had a fucking million. Okay, fuck it. Good. Let's say A hundred million you got to say fucking a hundred million dollars in the bank. You're never going broke That's fucking you mind. That's fucking that's not even fucking my Tyson He had 30 million. He lost 300 million. Okay. Well listen He was Mike Tyson He had 300 If you're if you're not a boxer, right? Okay, you're not in fucking business with Don King Right, right, right? If you have the average mother,

anybody in this room has 100 million in the bank, where is that for life? Okay, the interest alone, you're fucking nuts, okay? Now, my kids grow up. My kids are getting the best of fucking everything. Am I gonna, my kids not gonna be a douche because my kid has his personality Okay, you're a douche. You're a fucking douche. It depends how you raise them though

It depends how you raise them if you're not there all the time You would be there if you're not there all the time. He might probably be dead every time he got into a jam You or mommy wrote a check. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that jam. He's gonna be a dick. Okay. I agree with that Okay, do you want to talk into a microphone? Don't don't you think there has to be some Adversity for your kid to become someone, you know, I mean like I Think life gives you a diversity. I don't think I have to give him fucking the adversity I don't have to give him speed bumps. I don't have to put them in his way

The natural gonna have speed bumps those who the nature gonna have speed bumps the nats The natural gonna have speed bumps those so who the natural gonna have speed bump still the nats than naturally. Oh, okay Sorry, I think the nats I was like is that a fucking basketball team? Just a fucking let you can't prevent you can't use the money as a way to be like you're not gonna have issues in life because no matter what people Okay, I'm gonna tell you like okay if I got money money. I can't even go know we got money What the fuck I'm saying like living in an apartment? I can't even go know we got money. What the fuck? I'm just gonna live in an apartment? That's fine.

Yeah, I ain't gonna live in an apartment. He's just not gonna know exactly how much money. He's just gonna know. First of all, you have money. Let's not get carried away. I ain't got money like that. Of course you don't. You got good money.

I got it. I got it right. You're a fucking near a thousandaire. A thousandaire, but that still is still on the brink. Yeah, I know. You can fuck up. I'm not exactly. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not like a Spelman kid. Yeah. What is it? What is that? What is that? I'm spilling. Sorry.

Spelman. I'm thinking of Spelman college. I was spelling. Some juvenile. I like when you, when you, why does he, why does he take make fun of us? When you grow up, when your net work is in magazines, kids realize, oh, we could. Like, you know, I mean, like, I don't want that kid to realize that we could, I say something, you're being given the best teachers, the best schools, you're getting, you're being given the best opportunities with that. And with that becomes the best responsibility, the highest responsibility with that. Now, look at it, with that now, look it.

I would hope so. Okay, but the reason why I think these kids that still fuck up, fuck up, given the best resources, Pat Paris Hilton was given the best. You don't think this guy raised his little girl, gave her the best schooling, the best opportunities, you know, everything to make it, and her personality fucked that up.

Okay, no matter how fuck, look, I'm raising my, I got friends of mine and I see them, and their kid cries, and they give them whatever the fuck they want. So every, that, my kid is cool. My kid will cry for a second, and when she takes something away, cry for a second and move the fuck on.

I'm gonna tell you something, I bet you, you are a thousand times better of a father than Paracelton's father. They were raised by fucking nannies. That guy was flying to France when at a Hilton in France opened. I don't think that's fair to me. They just fucking got them money.

They married four or five different boys. You were probably so much more nurturing broke, let's say you, but if you were broke, I can, he's got money and I'm broke. No, no, I'm saying, but if you were broke Yeah, I can he's got money and I'm broke. No, I'm saying Thousand add to motherfucker You said an example that close to a hundred there, but I'm a thousand air right this second Yeah, but do you mean got that MTV money son? I'm just saying I think that I mean, I don't want I got fucking

I don't want to say Hilton's dad You try to black it up with the son at the end of it I made my money go down. Yeah, it was fucking a son. Son to the value of it. That's the point. Yeah, but yeah, that's the thing. Well, the Hilton's the, I'm not even saying, I'm not even saying Hilton himself.

I'm talking about those billionaires in general. They have nannies. They're fucking flying around the world. They're not raised by, I see in Westchester, sometimes I go to parks. And I see the nannies the nannies I fucking go to a park and I'll know that that's not the fucking you know that's the nanny You see more time in the city the nannies walking in the kids all bunch of Haitian nannies

Yeah, so wills monson shit That's the secret to the hoodies coming home on the 30th. We'll see him for two fucking days I don't I don't know. I don't know if that's true with all of them, dude I think I think that that there's a mother involved, there's a fucking father somewhere. I know that, look, I understand what you're saying, but look at Trump's kids, they're fucking great. You're right.

Powerful people. I mean, they're, well I like what Trump did. Trump gave him jobs and said, you're gonna be with me and I'm gonna help you. Yeah, I would do that. Yeah, but every fucking guy, I'm pretty sure that every fucking guy kind of does that

and their personality What's over and they go down their route? What's the one that guy was oh, dude? Electro stone she killed herself cuz oh Electro stone or something like that Portia something Fuck Oh, dude a few months ago She's a fucking dad and she's an heir or something and she's oh dude on heroin

How the fuck are we supposed to do the fucking work for your stupid. You I think you're not the show Electro stone You put it all the work on us. What's your name? I don't fucking know what's his family? I don't know This fucking podcast is making me realize that you guys all got my mom I gotta get my you fucking you guys are a thousand errors. This is intervention I gotta get some sponsor my podcast is crushing it right now Fuck that's it ain't about it. I don't make money over this shit. I gotta split it with these two jerks Shit of this bottom TV money fuck god damn it. I need some listeners. How's that?

I gotta stop having so many people on just fucking pontificate with this douche about fucking bullshit Well anyways, I think that they fucking and then maybe people will listen fucking assholes. There's too many guys on the show, there's too many people. It's my fucking, is that what they got to complain? Yeah, you can't, I'm not gonna fucking. Yeah, that's from the fucking comic community. Oh really? Yeah, the fucking, the fucking, I have so many people on the fuck shut the fuck up and

don't listen comic hang That's what's about it's about comics fucking yapping over each other if you can't take it fuck you You're not an alpha male. Oh suck it. Fucking beta cunt That just come out I like it like one time I was in here though There was like we are not I fuck a lot It was Christmas show was fucking ridiculous. I had fucking 20 people up here. And like a fan who bought tickets,

it was fucking nuts. Who bought like all these gifts for the show. What's his comment? Fuck it was crazy. I know. They're absolutely right. My fucking podcast, fuck it was way too much. Most of the time.

But I just look, if I look, I don't have a fucking ton of cash right now. I just did the FX show. So I'm right for a minute. A minute. I gotta still go I got to do New Year's But I got to say no to two gigs for New Year's. I got to say no I was like nope nope nope and then this gig at Providence Road Island Comedy connection New Year's Eve two shows eight o'clock and 10 30

I got to say yes to that you know what I mean because I was like I like these guys the money's good Let me go do this shit You know what I mean? That I was like, I like these guys. The money's good. Let me go do this shit. You know what I mean? That's a powerful thing. When you do that room in Providence, right? I've got it. Omni hotel?

The Omni hotel cigar masters is next door. They fucking put me in some old fucking hotel. No, no, no, I'm saying. I know, but why didn't they put me in a fucking great, what's the Omni? That sounds awesome. It's like a 15 minute drive or a 10 minute drive. That's hot.

It's a 10 minute drive. That's far. We gotta get on a highway and go. mean this is real close to the highways are made to go quicker I understand how highways work either way. I'm in a car on a highway. I'm not walking on a highway I'm not talking about the fucking commuter. I'm saying go cigar master is you're gonna love it Yeah, but I was in the car master You told me about a better them and the belt more the belt more, the bill more. Some fucking old white guy hotel with a fucking wicker furniture and a fucking stupid bedpost. I don't want bedposts. I want a fucking wooden bedpost.

I don't want fucking antique shit in my room. I'm gonna fucking mirror them if you can't see yourself around the corners. I want, I want modern, I want fucking modern, a fucking modern hotel. I love modern. I want fucking, I like, my favorite favorite my favorite is modern Vegas is my fucking favorite I like I like modern I don't know what the fuck that means Modern Vegas is like it's it's just the most red it's this marble shit

It's marble showers with the fucking just every did a hot tub connected to the show It's just a joke. I need like modern I want I don't want a fucking tub. I want a walking shower. I'm not English I'm not washing myself in a shit tub. I don't fit every time I get one of those Tubs I hear I'm with you everyone's like no this got character fucking George Washington So I get a dick George was to jerk the whole thing here first. I don't give a fuck I do like the ghost. I like ghosts

I want new I want new I want to Smell the fucking pain. I want to I want to knew I want some designer soap shit Like you know what I mean like they have a store a key Oscar the mall fucking, you know some Dava Daldo or some shit Flasher, yeah, Dava dodo soap and Dava dodo and you can't stay in a hotel if it doesn't have a flat screen It's just how fucking God dude. I say I never saw what a fucking square TV. No, you can't you can't stay in a hotel if it doesn't have a flat screen. It's just how fucking God, dude. I say that with a fucking square TV. No, you can't. You can't.

You know, if I ever fucking get to the point where I can become a con, that's going to be one. No, that's real. Listen, listen. I'm like, my rule is this. Ready? It has to have a fucking movies. Yes.

And food. And movies on a TV. Movies and food. If you don't have movies on the fucking TV I don't belong there. Yeah, cuz I have movies on my phone that's in my fucking pocket you fucking savage No, if you have a square TV you gotta go talk to the you gotta talk to them. Yeah, I fucking hey I Talked to me. I checked the fuck out that I learned that from Quinn He would just leave and they would come to pick him up for the show

and they'd be like, where are you? I'm at the better hotel down the street. And they'd be like, oh, oh, yeah. Did I remember that? It's usually only 20, 40 dollars more a night, by the way. It's not even that much more a night. They just have some fucking shit deal for $7,299 over this shit fucking con.

And they like going in there before press to get their fucking breakfast. They're pancake machine horse shit And you say hey Sally how you doing? I'm just gonna get the fuck off. No, you that that's what they say I was told to if it's not if it's not right leave yeah, I fucking leave I hate it I was in a chat a new good Tennessee. I don't even want to mention the club because I don't but the guy was Only one club There's a couple not the hard to Yeah, I have to say. No, there's a couple. Not that hard to research.

But there's an airline with an A. And I walked in and I looked. Yeah. And I looked in the bathroom. And I can't do it. So I went to another place. And the owner was so cool that he goes, he gave me extra money. He goes, I heard you're not saying anything.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Stop for one second. This is where you're wrong again. You own the owner. So what do you mean again? You're acting like you're saying like I was wrong about many other things. What was I wrong about? I did the flip You own the ownership. But what do you mean again? You're acting like you're saying like I was wrong about many other things. What was I wrong about?

I did the flip side to the thing. What was the wrong about? I'm not gonna fucking, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna answer that while you're in this fucking mode. It's, I don't like this mode of you. What mode? The fuck away, the fuck away.

That's what you're talking about. That fucking, I fucking clown. Because you go, you go. Well, here's where you're wrong again. And it was like, we've been, I fucked up. I used the word again, but I was trying, what the fuck am I a fucking clown? Because you go, you go, well, here's where you're wrong again. And it was like, we've been, I fucked up. I used the word again, but I was trying to be strong. Okay. I was just trying to be here again.

Where did I fuck up though? Well, here's the thing, because we were, one of them again is because I didn't mean again. I did mean again, but I didn't mean it the way it came out. Right. What I'm saying is, that's what I wanted, what I'm saying is, okay, this club owner should have put you there in the first place.

That's it. Yeah, look it. He knew. Our home is the hotel. So we're traveling week after week after week. The hotel is the only safe place we got. It's the only place, it's where we put our head down. It's where after a good show, we put our head down. It's where

after a good show, after a bad show, after whatever the fuck happens, we can go back to that room, shut that door, call our family, call our friends and be safe and get a nice night's sleep, maybe get some food. This is where you get to go home to your nice house that you love, but I have to be on the road to do my job. You know that. So why don't you give me the best available hotel that you love, but I have to be on the road to do my job. You know that. So why don't you give me the best available hotel that you can give me so that I feel great. When I go to a fucking club that gives me,

like Buffalo, Helium, that hotel, I love that club because of that hotel. That hotel, they treat you so good, you feel great going into the place. It makes you feel like you have something. When you feel like you're worthy, or helps you do your job, yeah. They appreciate you.

They appreciate you. And I feel like you go to the club, you feel like, yeah, you want to do better. You always think to the owner, would you stay there? Would you want your family staying in this fucking shit? Oh, of course you wouldn't. No, they're going to use the extra money. They swindle out of you to fucking stay at a fair month I like going to you go to the movies on the road

That's a big one. I like to be near the movie theater. That's a big one I don't put that I don't have that in my I don't give a fuck if the movie theaters there I care if there's movies in the room because late night. Yeah, I don't really go to movies I do once in a while on the road, but it is not that, look, I look like a fucking pervert. I'm just kind of bald, pale, and fucking white. And I'm just sitting there in the middle seat. I got the best seat in the whole place. Going to two o'clock, yeah.

And I'm just, well, I'm there. And I'm just fucking eating everything. And fucking sweating. You know what I mean? I just feel uncomfortable. I just had to. I just had to. I just had I just feel I feel uncomfortable. I just feel uncomfortable. I don't see that. Just bring a fan. Yeah, did I bring I bring my own food? Don't bring a cookers. If I don't, I bring I bring like I'll go to I'll go get

a sub and do you went off at the party? Listen, I mean, that was unreal. What do you mean? Yeah, my party. I mean, it was hilarious. It's like watching you enjoy something when you're eating watching this fucking guy. He never, I've never seen a president enjoy more food. So much. First of all, I had a surprise party.

They had a surprise party up in the, up in the house, right? All right. Yeah, you were invited, right? I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for not coming, man. Hey, hey. I think you, you do. It's not like it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks for not coming You do it. It's not like it's fine. It's the street

For honest, be honest that she was not close. Yeah, but it was still a different situation Kind of funny a thousand there right now. What do you get a Nissan? No, I got I got a I got a Bentley. So do you have a Bentley? No, but we just fucking theater of mine This is the fucking greatest thing. So I walk in the house and I just hear, you know, my sister, my wife, let's see everybody. Everyone comes up surprised. They're all clapping and Bobby turns the corner and he's looking at me smiling and he's clapping.

And as soon as the surprise was over, he already in his hand, he had a piece of salami and cheese. And as soon as the surprise people, like, hey, happy birthday. He had a piece of Salami and cheese. And as soon as the surprised people, like, hey, happy birthday. He just walked right back to his fucking plate. And when my wife gave the meat sauce, you literally, he's eating the meat sauce and he's gone, oh, my wife is great. Listen, my soul says, this is the fucking greatest. What are you doing? What? Are you kidding? You're gonna be able to say what my wife sauce is not as good as your wife. I said, you said, you said, you said, you said, you said, you said fucking you gonna have to say what my wife sauce is not as good as your

You said meat sauce wise. Yes, my wife sauce is the best But I haven't had one with meat that tastes like this. This is amazing. That's what you said But I really was going to Finish I right you should have jumped on it. You're right Dude you were just and then the best part was then, late night, we're out, we swear by a fire, we're smoking cigars, by the time I'm leaving, man. I gotta, I gotta get out of here, so it walks up, and all of a sudden there's a fucking,

there's a six foot sub, late night, two o'clock in the morning, and he goes, let me just get a sliver. I just wanna say something though, because I'm a fuck, when it comes to food. I'm a party starter. Okay, listen to me I'm at this food. I'm the conversation kicks up. I'm fucking getting people into try that This is good and that sub was sitting there and I was about to leave and everybody and all of a sudden Where was everybody upstairs fucking the vowing that's up. No, that's some got the power down to this Why did you get a six foot sub it's doing more?

Nobody's eating it's everybody's still locked up and then it literally a party started around thinking everyone's go I fuck usually six foot something bread sucks This is fucking delicious soft and everybody just devout then there was then there was desserts. It was it was crazy Not it was it was I'll tell you right now before we go to break We're gonna fly to break in two seconds But and then we're gonna go to the chat room and we get a couple announcements to make but I this is day number five No sugar no grains. Oh, wow and we're I've worked out four days out of the five nice So I'm I'm fucking back

Jim Serbico of the five. Nice. So I'm fucking back. Jim Cerberco and Larry, they got me a trainer after sex drugs and rock and roll wrapped. They got me a trainer up in fucking where I go to the gym. And I got a fucking lose 80 pounds. You go for 80? I got to lose 80 pounds. That's my goal. I got eight months to, hopefully, this is if we get picked up, you know what I mean? I'm hoping that we get picked up. If we get picked up, I gotta be skinny for the next season.

But I'm doing it from, you know, I'm doing it anyways, but it's a wrap, do let me tell you something. You know, I know I get made fun of, I make fun of myself of being a fat. I have a fucking great fat jokes. I get it. Some people fucking viciously mean. And I'll be honest, it hurts.

Some of these are, you fat fuck, oh, that just hurts. When someone tweets, you're just a fat fuck, it literally makes me wanna cry. Because it reminds me of like, I feel like I just a little kid and I'm like, it's not my fault. You know what I know is my fault, but it's really, I don't know how, you know, I don't know how to stop me. You know what I mean, but I gotta kind of man up

and just go, this cock suck, suck is just an asshole, you know? But it's, dude, man, it's fucking, it sucks, man. It sucks. I hate that fat is my thing, you know? And I look at you, mother fuckers. And you're all, I mean, not great. You're not none of you in shape at all. I know, except for you.

I'm an old man. I'm a pretty good shape. I'm a terrible shape. I'm a risk. Just go, but listen, man. I'm gonna break some shit for you. I'm in a pretty good shape. I'm a terrible shape I'm gonna break some shit to you. I'm a half way decent shape. You are a shape You're not you're you're you're not in great shape. No, you're never listen. I'm sorry, dude I'm gonna say this to you. You're never gonna be in great shape I'm serious. I'm doing this right now for you. Okay?

You, you, you, you, you, you you the maintain this and it's, and then it's gonna get worse. That's it. That's all you got. I know. So you, I see what my dad looks like. I know you, you ain't,

you're just gonna be that fucking cop, that undercover cop. Yeah, that cop look. Yeah, that's all you got. Like, you, you, Damien, even you man. I get a shape. Yeah, that cop look. Yeah, that's all you got. Like, Damien, even you, man. I get a shake. Yeah, like you look good and close. Yeah.

Fucking thing does not go wrong. Oh my god. Look at this cock suck. It just broke his mic. Hold the mic up. Anyways, first he could get thin out. I get fluctuated. But you're a fat because you got a family.

You live up in the woods, man. I'm mad. I mean, I'm on a shake. You're not a shape. because you got a family you live up in the woods man You're not shape, but you got you got family fat Is what that is that family fat that's fucking Sunday. Oh, it's a chip side would you get these? She comes home after the grocery store. Oh, I fucking love pepperoni and the kid daddy Can I have piece of cake guys piece of cake I fell in the floor and we get that I've been eating sounds I'm doing good But yeah, you know what I'm saying Be calling books and shit. I'm happy. That's what you're happy But that that's like fucking that's like a hippie fat. All I gotta do is do don't check your no grants for two weeks

I'll be yeah, that's what everybody say everybody know how to get better You're all I got to do. I'm going to tell you the worst feeling in the world, right? This is the worst feeling in the world. Drinking a protein vegetable shake and looking down and being fat. Jim, I'm sitting there. I got my Nutri Bullet out. I used kale, spinach, flaxseeds, cucumbers, apples, oranges, pears. All green.

It's like fucking magical. I'm drinking it in the car. I just came from the gym, and then I rested it on my stomach. And I was like, fuck, this means nothing now. This day means nothing right now. This shit ain't gonna mean anything for six months. And six months I'll go fuck I'm glad I fuck.

But right now I'm just a fat mess drinking vegetables. And I wanna pie. Anyways, all right, we're gonna come back. We'll come back after that. Just to let you guys know, January 9th, my special air is on Comedy Central. Next week, I'm doing the Tuesday the 6th. Tuesday the 6th we're doing Ron Bennington.

At the stand. Bobby's doing his unmasked one hour. Unmasked, tickets still available, I believe? Yes, they are. Happy hour from 6'30 to 7'30 and then the show starts at 8''. So make sure you get us now a small club I think 80 seats doing unmasked with Ron It's an honor to do it with him. He's one of my favorite funny people

You know he's Ron batting ten from Ron of fest. He is one of my favorite He's one of the most interesting guys. He's just like he's always been a really just a favorite of mine He's just fast and funny and interesting and knowledgeable and well read. He's just fucking great. And he's a good guy. So I'm honored to fucking do it. Finally came about and then we're actually, I'm taking over serious radio, comedy center radio from five to seven, I believe, on the ninth. And the night my special airs, I will be taking it with me and Gary Galman. We're gonna be doing a thing called Behind the Jokes.

We're gonna be talking about jokes where they came from, how we, where they originated from, the conception of it, how they became bigger. You know, of myself, of my special, Gary special, and we're gonna be talking to Colin Quinn's gonna call in, and it's just gonna be, you just jokes man where they come from. People are interested in that?

And what? No fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Anyways, and then on the... Ah! Ah! That's fucked up man.

That's really... That's like call me fat fuck that hippie like in the spine. I literally, my fucking head wobbled. I was like, oh people don't. Just the second time you said it like where'd it come from I had to go. Alright, the flip side of this. This is the name of the episode has to be the flip side. So we, we, we, and then that night we air it on, we air it, the specials live on Comedy Central.

Here's the best part though. Please spread the word about this. Go to robberkellylive.com. After the special airs, that you can pre-order it for five bucks. Now there's a plus thing on there. And that means, I'll tell you what that means. I did this myself. We put up the money ourselves.

This is, we did it, okay? We spent the money, you know, we made this happen. So you can give, the minimum is five bucks. That's all you got to pay. But if you want to give six, you want to give whatever else, you can add more. It's a common thing. And the reason why you're actually,

you're helping the next special. That's what you're doing. You're helping us raise money for the next one. The money that we make off of these specials, it makes it so that, oh shit, I got enough money to do a new one. Let's go write that. Let me get it out. Now because if not, you're going to have somebody, some higher being say, hey, we want to do

an hour with you. And then they'll give you the money and then you can do it. But if you have that money, if you make money, then you can say, fuck, I wanna do another one next year. Let's get this going. And you can pick and you can choose and do it your way where you want. That was what this whole special was about,

is that I did it where I wanted to do it, how I wanted to do it, with the people I wanted to do it with. So you'll be able to pre-order that and it's the unedited version. There's a couple of other things're going to throw in there, other videos, some behind the scenes, on the interview, all the stuff.

You'll get with that five bucks. That's a minimum, but you can always add a little more if you want. If you don't fucking, I don't give a shit. Five bucks it is, but please spread the word about that. And we'll be back in fucking two seconds. For you, for them. Huh? For them two seconds.

Well, for you two seconds listening you for them huh for them two seconds well for you two seconds listening in the chat room and all that live we'll be back in around eight and a half minutes all right so there you go you ready and we're gonna be playing to wait one second we'll play some of your music you guys sent in yep okay who is it we have songs from three different artists we have the songs you got from John Jacobson yep we have a song from a band called Backyard Superheroes and a band called Underline, which is great. We're gonna be playing these songs.

You guys are awesome for sending. If you have music that you want us to play in the breaks, please send them to ykwdryacast.com or or you can find me on Twitter at r2dpo. You can give them to me to producer ykwd producer at ryacast.com. It's a tradition like a man. What the fuck man? They just gave me three, whatever, sendD producer at Rycast.com. What the fuck, man?

I just gave him three, whatever, Senate anyone you want, now the street. He just made a difficult turn. Is that a word, Deepo? No. All right, we'll go to break it right back. Your season-long fantasy football league may be over, but there's still plenty of action every week

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And we're back in what sweepers You know fucking podcast has some shit. We get a sweeper done by toy quan T to the fucking cue motherfuckers the toy quon toy quon oh shit I heard about this um hey do you want you sitting the fucking chair right there sitting on the couch like a mook um yeah

anyway what the fuck you lowered us this is fucking it's you have control over it I don't know I don't know yeah you got it yeah it's what do you think I fucking I am with the Wizard of Oz he's sitting there with the fuck. So that's a fucking studio doing a fucking handle.

It's a knob fucking. You should know I'll be fucking knob. Um, all right, so we were talking we covered a lot of shit today. We were talking, well, you got to um, stuff from the chat room over the last segment. You want it any? What do you got, buddy? Uh, Jiz Jam says love his name. Yep. J Jam says, I grew up rich and I'm fucking amazing. Oh really? Fucking rich. Fucking Jiz Jam.

You gotta love that man. Look, if I had fucking my kid, okay. I live on the fucking Cuspis. I moved to Arzli, Greenberg. I live in Greenberg. Now technically Greenberg, they, they, technically Greenberg, it's Greenberg. It's no Arslie. But they say, what they say is I have a white plane's address because Greenberg uses white

planes as fucking post office, which I fucking hate. I want a Greenberg. You know, fuck you. I live in a Greenberg. What's school district? Well, here's the thing that sucks. I'm two blocks away from Ardzli, because Greenberg doesn't have a school district.

It has, it has, Ardzli is the top 10 in the fucking country. Country, okay? We're talking the United States, the northern part of North America, and South of Canada. I live in Westchester, I know. I know. That's why I'm not North America and south of Canada. I live in Westchester, I know. I know, that's why I'm actually living in America.

That's right. You know that, too. But anyways, and then there's Elmsford, which is fucking ghetto and fucking whatever, God bless, my kid's not going to a ghetto. I went to a ghetto school. I was fine. I think it was good that I was around Puerto Ricans

and black people and I didn't seriously, because I know, look man, I wasn't really around Puerto Ricans as much blacks. I mean, my first girlfriend was a black girl. Fucking Genie and McKay. Fucking, that's why I love those tall, fucking thin, run and African, the Tootsie tribe African girls.

I just like a Tootsie. I love the Tootsie. I love the tootsie tribe African girls Like a tootsie Love the tootsie Jeannie McKay I'll say it again. I was a lover her fucking a lover man. She was so She was nerdy. She looked like B Collins a little bit little taller though, but She was a nerdy just a nerdy. Oh, she was so hot man tall thin nerdy. Do you hear me? Okay, oh man. No, there's a sixth grade. I fucking hit Debbie though Debbie was a friend Debbie was a she was a little darker tall. She was and she oh man. Do I love a fucking afro?

I don't know why black women, you know, put the fake hair in the wigs because cause there's nothing sexier to me than an afro. I fucking love. I get to go to a couple times. I love a, what? I can think of a couple times more sexier than an afro. That underlying tone was so racist, right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'm just saying I like the long straight, you know, I like a white woman No, no, no, I wasn't just saying I'm saying like there is who's who's the one that one black chick. I like The heli birdie boogie you know

That chick with the New York song Anybody took that race. Listen, here's the fuck. Don't put your racers in back on us, Paul. I love that. If anybody takes me telling a black guy to go fuck himself, I call him the Edward racers. That's their racers. There's a redneck drug right now. Don't put that evil on me.

I can't sit here with a straight face and have you go, there's nothing sexier than an afro. To me, dude, what's wrong with you? He turned yours up. Yeah, he turned my life. you? He turned yours up. Yeah, it's Scopo let them fucking do it Fucking How's that is that better black lives better? Oh, thank God. I'm not a kid. Are you guys back in?

What the fuck are we here? We killed the show. Listen, you ain't only black people going to the show. No, no, I was just a cow. Yeah, yeah, I was thinking about it. Yeah, put the mic up right into your mouth. All I'm saying is I'm not an afro guy. He was saying it. I could say it.

I could say it. But here's a thing, brother. But all I'm saying is I am. No, I know. So you countered my fucking right when I said it. Like right when I said, I love fucking afro. No, you didn't say it. No, you didn't say it.

There's nothing sexy to me than an afro. My point was, is that a lot of black girls get a wig or they get hair extensions, which I don't understand because maybe they want straight hair, they want that style of hair. I love Afros, I love a tight, I love when they shave. Oh my God, Janine, this girl Debbie, my point was, this girl Debbie, I met her years later

when I was 18 after I got sober and I went through all my horse shit. Later on, we met at a club and she showed up. God, fucking dammit, man. And we wound up fucking. And it was the best shit. I remember she sucked my dick. This girl, shit, I remember she had a sleep with a bandana on her head.

That's like a black girl thing, right? I don't want to scoff. What's golf? What is that? They wrap it in wrap their head to do it. Keeps it on place. It keeps their hair in place. So then you just comb it out. Yeah, it's one of those things. It's one of those things. I thought I was just kind of cute. I thought it was like a country. I thought it was like a cowgirl thing. Like she pulled out a fucking handkerchief. She pulled

out a bandana and wrapped it around her head. I was like, this is hot as shit. I thought we were gonna roleplay. Oh, excuse me, Bobby. So anyways, she, uh-huh. Got up to Arty Lake. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I just see, you know, two seconds ago. She's, she suck, I mean, it was just, it was crazy, man. She reached, I remember she reached in, in we, like reached in under my nuts and grabbed my ass and pushed my dick into her mouth, suck my dick. You know what, Jesus. It was crazy.

Suck my dick and then she sat on my dick. She was like, look, I'm gonna fuck you a little, this is why I love black girls too. The first black girl I've only with, remember I was doing, I remember, you know, I'm gonna fuck you a little, this is why I love black girls too. The first black girl I've ever went with, I remember I was doing, I remember, you know, when you're with a girl, usually you have to kiss them and then you start, you graze a titty

and then you try to horn them up is what you're trying to do. You're trying to get them as horny as you are so they can have an excuse or break them down. You start rubbing it pussy and it's, oh God, and you start doing all that shit. So then they can have an excuse or break them down. You start rubbing it pussy and so oh god and you start doing all that shit so then they can't say no. That's what you're trying to do. Get them so fucking riled up that they'll just take you dick out and fuck. It's basically what our job is. My graph of the show took a different turn. Am I right?

I'm just trying to see what you got. You're not seeing my black woman don't need to be loved. Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Ok, she said, I started doing all that weird shit with her. resulta las condiciones en volotea.com. being a producer and doing good jobs, go. Anyways, my point is this-

That's it, we'll be telling you to stop. No, she didn't stop. She went like this, she went stop with all this horse shit. We're fucking. I'm gonna fuck you. Like that. And I think black woman and I've been with will like, look, relax.

If I want to fuck you, I'll fuck you. If I don't, we don't. She was like, we're fucking. So you don't have to do all this other bullshit. Let's just kiss and let it, we'll fuck. At a some point, we're gonna, I'm gonna fuck you. And I was like, we're fucking so you don't have to do all this other bullshit. Let's just kiss and let it We'll fuck at a some point. We're gonna I'm gonna fuck you and I was like, oh shit And it took away all the fucked up shit with sex and it was the it was really great sex It was slow we kissed we stopped we fucked we stopped we kissed we were in and out

I mean she folded my shirt and my pants. It was fucking, and then she put on like a restation that only black people know. On like AM slash FM, like some weird fucking, it was like blood intimacy. I never fucked a music. I never fucked a music until I fucked a black girl. I never, you never have a fucking white chick going,

hang on, let me put this CD on. You know, it's always in the back of some car or the fucking some parking lot trying to finger fucking this broad I remember we fucked to some crazy beautiful fucking R&B and we were I was trying to fuck to it You know some news thing just your fuck to the I think it is right yeah, I was just different. I liked it. I think that all right Well, fuck you have to stare at me man I was like I wish I fuck the white girl. She tried to put some black shit on I think to make you feel good. I think so. She put all I fucked the police. She put all the fucking fuck the police.

No, no, she put on briming night. Nobody's fucking briming. That's what you got briming night. Well, she's trying to fuck you to back at one? I saw briming I saw briming I saw briming night in coach. I saw that Oh, I told me that they didn't have people fucking to we shit. He's a thousand there now You know those fucked up when you see a famous motherfucker in coach. Didn't that hurt your heart? You're like, yeah, shit like I'm a coach, but I should be here. I love JetBlue. Nah, you could've flown something. You could've done something else, man. Yeah, Brian McNight.

Shit. Shit, come on, man. All right, anyways, I love an afro. And I don't know, I like long hair too, man. I like a nice long hair. I don't like. I'm a long hair guy, that's the thing. I like it long.

I like the long, I don't even like perm. Like when they try to's the thing I like it long. I like the long like I don't even like per Like when they try to curl I just like like straight long hair always that What a poor right what you want to pull it's just there's something about a woman with just like long straight nice hair like that You know that's one thing too my wife's got this fucking head of hair dude. I fucking long hair I just love that shit. I love short hair and a woman man is my fucking kryptonite when I see a real shit with the short hair dude I think I want a fucking dude I don't know what it is I was short short. I love shaved. I love ball women. I love short hair. I love memory now I like that ball. No, I don't like the ball. Like, you're an ado counter. Could you fuck her?

Fuck you. Not now. I'm not gonna fuck that hippie now. Fuck her pussy smells like moss. Not now. I'm not gonna fuck that hippie now Fuckin pussy smells like moss But I would fuck her back that you wouldn't fuck you see the mad Max trailer. Yeah, Charlie's I mean Charlie's there on yeah, I'm just gonna fuck that somebody says it right. Yeah, I have a pretty face when you go real sure But let me ask you this pubic it. I like a little another super push, but I like a little thing Love it like a bet you like a bush. I love I like a little hair like a little bit. I like a little See that's where I like the fro

Like little Patrick you in 94 flat top down there a Square head fucking I Like I like the fade coming from the side. Yeah, you know what I mean little mohawk type of thing like a mohawk in the middle Yeah, it's nice and but I don't I don't like a tomb I don't like coming in a big bush. Do you have a gizz in a big bush? Like a chick has a big hairy patch.

Are you gizzing it? Yeah. I don't know what this one white girl shit is. Herious pussy I've ever seen. I'm like, it's just like, you know what? Yeah, you're coming from her ass hole too. Right, you ever see that with the hairs? Because if they're shaving the pussy,

they ain't shaving their ass hole. Well, well, well. You got that fucking ass here a little bit? Yeah, it's like a dip You got that shit on it? It's like greasers I don't like it I don't like it

The hair Yeah The hair's coming out of the ass And then it goes over the taint and it's faint Like, her taint is balding, right? And then it goes Lil' Manuji nobly Yeah I want her fucking taint is balding right? Loh Manoo Genobili

I don't wanna fucking taint What the fuck? I never heard of a called Manoo What the fuck? How do you spell Manoo? What the fuck? That's a guy, boy That's fucked up, dude

Well, these are the balding taint It's still like a restaurant It's a ball of taint I love when it goes, look, these are the bullpen tank. It's still like a restaurant. You know, the bullpen tank. It's just, I love when it goes, you know what I mean? I don't like that greasy, it taint oily hair. I like all that shit. I like all that shit. I like it.

I like it. I've got to have bitches where you fucking. I'm over a deep, I will grease some. Apigree. It's an apro. But now here's a thing though. On the flip side, we could sit, afro. But now, here's the thing. Now, on the flip side, we can sit here and talk about what type of pussy we like for the rest of it.

But what kind of a dick you like, you know what I mean? I mean, let's be real. What type of a dick? And I mean, be honest. Let's be honest. I like that shaved dick. I like that shit.

I like that shit. The nut shaved. I like the balls. I don't want the- The bald eagle. I like a nice shave. Like a dick that just came not shave. I like the balls. I don't want the I like a nice shave Like a dick that like just came out of a fucking like a nice big dick like I want to like a water polo dick You know what I mean like like a swimmer dick Cup of debut like come with a kind of fat cock you like

Brandy what are you doing? I'm in such a dark place. I don't know what the fuck is happening. No. And you just may, I can't tell me the whole time. It's all about the gut. I'm going to tell you what to, I'm going to look around the room. I can tell the dicks we got. All right.

Colin, first of all, your dick is just, your dick is just on-kept. Your dick's, you have an alternative dick. Your dick looks like most alternative comics faces. Just a beard that doesn't connect. I bet your pubes don't connect. I'm giving you. You have patchy. He said your dick's name is Lucas. I run the show on Wednesdays at a public hour. Oh, geez. I know.

I know your pubes, you trim that shit up. It's always fucking trim, but it's a fucking mess sometimes. No, you know what it is? It's being married now with kids. Sometimes I just like the other day I was in a show. I had a look down and I just had this fucking quest love. This quest love This quest love said I'm like, you know, I'm not even gonna fucking I'm not even changing I don't like I gotta go do a set, you know, I'm gonna throw the box of briefs on yeah, I'll keep this fucking

Japanese Shit, he's got a quest love, that's fucked love. Damon, you know Damon trims his shit. Oh, you know what Damon, I bet he don't touch it at all. It just, I'm his name is Damon. Oh, Damon, right. I'm talking about Damon. I'm talking about Damon.

That's Damon, you're dick. Come on, wait. I'm talking about Damon. You're dick is Damon, Damon. Damon, Damon. I bet you don't even fuck with you dick. You don't trim it at all. It's just, it is what it is.

It's organic. It's organic. It's organic. It's vegan it is what it is organic. It's Oh, yeah, the life Vegan dick sludge no Brung up digs and pubes just so you can say my hands I know scope of trims his nice. I think he's got a little tiny patch of fucking I let it go sometimes and I shave it really yeah Trim it trim it trim it trim it trim it trim it yeah right trim it yeah yeah nah with that you know buzzer let me

take some of my mind is fucking first of all my leg hair is connected to my pubes now oh right you know I'm sure when I sit at the neck connected to the chest and the yeah like if I trim my shit I

gotta trim the sides of my legs Dude I gotta I gotta fade my legs down Through the bath of play two hours Start at the knees Yeah, my dream looks like somebody murdered a puppy It's fucked up It's fucked up Shit

It's fucked up though man, I mean like as the older you get. Yeah the older you get. I'm married. Dude I'm Greek and Sicilian dude. I'm Greek and Sicilian. You take always as a five of a flat. I'm not even joking. This is like four days dude.

It's just fucking, it just keeps coming man. But we're both married. You got a girlfriend. Yeah I played with her five years. Oh fuck, so it's basically. Yeah. You know you're a good girlfriend. I got a girl. You got a girl? Yeah. How've been with her for five years today. Oh, five years. Basically, yeah. When you, you know, you're a girlfriend. I got a girl.

You got a girl? Yeah. How long have you been with your girl? Well, a minute, nine years. Nine years. Nine years. Yeah, I'm just not saying. How old Bennigat was?

Are you gonna get, are you gonna, wow. Are y'all gonna get like engaged and shit? Like what's, what's happening there? Cause my girlfriend, my girlfriend, she's all the shit. Put it in my spa right now. No, no, no, no. Yeah, nah.

So yeah, my girlfriend's seen all the show face but all her friends are getting married now. They all get engaged. She's like, what the fuck do we do? How old are you, my girlfriend's, all the show Facebook all her friends are getting married now. They all get engaged She's like what the fuck do you think me got defense? No, yeah, we gonna do I told you this before you look like if with a thin patrice on the oh It's funny. I told my god. He look like a thin patrice on the oh and someone he goes Yeah, somebody tell me I look like a fat Chris rock Who said that? I can hear somebody on Twitter.

You know, that's where you get the most hate now. Are you in a dose? We go, you're a dope. Well, who else is Chris, does that, does that, no? The staffer know, what is fucking name kills me? It's one of the, I was fucking stutter. Chris just had a, is having a baby, right?

Yeah. He's got a beautiful fiance. I mean, he's a kid. I mean, you know, he's fucking. He could have any chicken in the world right now. He's at this popping off to a greatness career. Met a beautiful girl having a kid and couldn't be, you know, I fall on Instagram.

Couldn't be happier. You know what I mean? And that's when you fucking pubes just get long. That's really crazy. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I mean, you know, you so you will, you're basically married.

I'm, yeah. And you don't have nobody. So you gotta keep your shit tight. You don't know, you never know when you're taking your dick out. I know when I'm taking my dick out. It's planned where, you know, where we can head at time. Not even a fuck. I mean, dude, I gotta, I'm taking my dick out. It's planned, you know, we're- We can head a time. Not even a fight. I mean, dude, I gotta, I gotta start fucking again.

It's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it You understand? The more evil the porn starts getting back worse. The things that get you off start getting dirty. And the more you wait, the closer and closer you get to the devil. All you have to do is fuck your chick once for three minutes. And your back home. It reverts back. You're right. You reverts 100% right. You reverk back to who you were. You want you fuck your chick even if it ain't good sex,

as long as you fuck her and you come, you're back. It's like you clicked your heels three times. Back home. But the longer you wait, the fucking dirtier in the evil, your brain starts taking over and you start going into bad places. Dude, you know? My girl and I had a rough earlier this year

and I got like, we didn't have sex for like two months. Yeah. I got really into porn. I started watching that entire shit. The Japanese animation. You watch anime? I was going into some porn. That's a dark fucking porn.

Oh, I don't know what you're doing. I was talking about white stuff. I was talking about cartoons. I was jerking off a socks and I had to wash them with the laundry and just the guy doing that. I can't. Wait a second. Hang on one second dude.

Why would you jerk off into a song? I like tissues. It's easier to clean up. I'm jerk off into a song. Listen, what's your throwin' the washroom machine? No, I'm not throwin' out. I'm not throwin' out. I'm not throwin' out.

I don't wear them, my guy. What if the fuck do we, she got, jerk off socks that you watch, they keep whopped and sat. What? That's fuck the way you go? Jerk off sucks that you watch it They keep watching That's the way you jerk off Go watch it don't watch it to put it off We got a special draw for a jerk. No, I don't use it I'll use the one from the top to a bottle

No, the body you make a point because I was on the I can't wait a minute What the fuck you don't jerk off and socks, do you? Why, dude, what the fuck? You never took off in the shower before? I don't know, I didn't say never, but it's not like, you know, that's not it. What are you jerk off into?

First of all, I jerk off in the shower, and then wait, hang on a second, I'll jerk off into a napkin, a pepotalo, or some tissue. And now, like, if they go out, I go into my room my office and I hook up that shit I get my pants down I get my dick out and it's hard to jerk off me my weight. I really can't see Like I can't see my dick really like I can't see where it's going So I got a jerk off like I'm blind. Yeah, but you had a plan. I'm like you got a plan You know what I'm saying? I got a fucking, I got to trust my senses.

LAUGHTER But you got a plan to jerk off. You got a plan to jerk off. No, no, no, no. I don't know. Mine's very, we're going to go to a home grid trailer. OK. Yeah, that's the planning, though.

That's not planning. That's she says I'm going to home grids. I didn't know it. I'm fucking jerk. As soon as she, I see that fucking white Honda take down the driveway My dick is out and I'm fucking thumb in the top of my dick Fucking rubbing that pre-clumb and fucking scroll through I've been watching TV and I'm like, I fucking want to watch porn now really yeah

Yeah, and then just fucking I go to clitty.com and I go through those categories Wait, what's this clitty? Oh, what is one for trees told me about clitty dot com takes you to it has so many look at all your evil Look at all look at all your You guys I've never seen you fucking listen that intently All shut the fuck up and was like what? Hi spell that Almost like what? What? High spelled out.

You're clueless. CLITI.com. And it has just these categories after categories. And I like the way it's set up because it has the little categories to the right of the videos with the category. And then to the left it has an alphabetical order the categories.

So it has extra, extra categories over here. So you can, you know what I mean? You can type in Gmail, Jerk and Off. I mean, I'm basically, you can type in chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, girl, chicken, chicken, baby. That's like, what? Baby's in there. No. Yeah, it's fucked up.

No, you're right about that shit, though, man, because if I was on the road a couple of weeks, I start not only, I start having dreams. Yeah. I, you're right about that shit though, man because if I was on the road a couple of weeks, I start not only I start having dreams Yeah, I'll tell my wife I was like I'm a waste only start just having more sexual dreams because you need but but once you have it Like you say once you have it once you just you go back home Is it you get back to ground zero back at home base? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you make it connect you because you're connecting with that person again You know what I mean? And you realize, oh shit, I can, I, not only do I, I'm good fucking this person,

I'm compatible with this person. I like being with this person, and I'm like this person. I love this person, you know. So, because when you fuck a new person, it very rarely do you feel good. You feel a 100% guilt free, as a human when you're done. Because, man, if you make, you fucked with a rubber,

it's sucked, if you fuck, if you stuck it in, you know. Too much in your head. It's too much of you. When you fuck your cheek, I'll jizz in your fucking uterus and I'll try to jizz in your neck, you know what I mean? I just, I pump that, and leave it right in there. It's like pulling into your driveway. Yeah, man.

Yeah, you feel good. Yeah, it's like, yo. It's fucking weird. But you get, oh man, if I got in bad, weeks after week and all of a sudden, you just, you're like, oh shit, you start looking at like fat bitches as CVS. You know what I mean?

I remember I walked into CVS one hour on the road I'm gonna go I thought I was I thought I was don't, I really don't get, not like Jerkinoff now, 43, okay. Am I 43? 44, 44, thanks. Okay, I don't get Jerkinoff is such a fucking weird thing now. As like, okay, this is gonna sound weird. I don't see my grandfather ever jerking off.

My grandfather was a World War II veteran. He was from the greatest generation. I don't see him going to the basement and cranking one out into a sock. He definitely was. I don't think so. That's what my grandfather had a woodshed. I don't.

He chucked off in the woodshed. You go with some dark corners. If you start thinking about your grandparents joking out. That's what I mean. I jerked off in the woods shit. You go in like what? You go in some darn corners. If you start thinking about your grandparents joking out. That's so many shit. Well, I bring that up because, you know, I always like in life, I mean, I'm, I'm, you know, I've always said this.

I'm not the, I'm not the, you know, I don't have a fucking automatic opinion. The certain guys, I'm an alpha male, I believe, but I'm not automatic opinion, know exactly what I think and the fucking facts to it. Those guys are great. I'm just not that guy. It takes me, you know, I'm not as, I consider myself a little, I'm very intelligent because I'll fucking learn anything.

I'll learn it fast, but I don't know a lot about certain things, but I do know a lot about other things. So I think it's okay to be dumb in a way, because I think people who aren't smart are willing to learn shit. You know what I mean? And I think it's cool to have not an opinion because you actually kind of have both sides in your head,

which I think is good too. I think neutral is not neutral, but having, I don't know, I'm getting lost in this fucking, none of you assholes, you cut me off at all. I do. You know, I mean, I think Patrice always had a fucking right, this is what he thought, that was never me, I would always listen to a mother fucker like that, and be like, oh, shit, now listen to this guy, I'm gonna go, he has points, dude, and then I come to the

club. That's how I am too. I listen to both, and I kinda just make my own. I think people that come in decisive all the time and act like they know, they annoy me in a way because they're not open minded to listen to the other side. That's most of my friends, but listen. But yeah, no, you're absolutely right.

It's hard to pray, you know, they just stick to it, you know. I mean, I think also the older you get though, the more you just stick to those views. I've had so many debates like while the recent shit that's been happening in my opinions though the people that like just have a specific view that they've had all their whole life, they're not gonna change it because you said something that's different than them.

They're gonna be like, well, fuck you. Well, you know, it's weird because, you know, look, I can sit here and, you know, listen to somebody talk about, you know, black people and the way they're treated. And I'm like, all right, that makes sense in this cops that are fucking fucked up and back. Yeah, and I'm like, all right, that makes sense, and there's cops that are fucking fucked up and bad, yeah, absolutely.

I know that, and then you'll listen to this other guy go, look, like that Marine, the decorated Marine, that was like, look, we're over in Iraq, we're not fighting for black people or white people, we're fighting for fucking Americans. We're all Americans. When it comes down to it, when September 11th that happened,

we're all, cops didn't go up and go, where's the white people? Where's the Americans? We are Americans. And yeah, we have fucked up shit that we're dealing with and whatever. But I mean, I'm very patriotic.

I fucking cry at the Super Bowl when they, you know, sing the Star Spangled Banner and the fucking planes. That just makes me emotional because I love this country. And I love the people that fucking protect us. The army, the military is a fucking amazing. And the police and the firemen are local military. Basically, they're the ones keeping peace between us. Because we're fucking fucked up people.

You want to see how fucked up we are. You just go to the internet and see people do mean shit to people all the fucking time. Yeah, I think people don't understand that there are, there are bad and everything. There's bad and everything. There are bad apples and everything. There's awful, awful white people. There's awful black people. There's awful cops. There's awful fucking Asians. There's awful people awful white people, there's awful black people, there's awful cops, there's awful fucking Asians, there's awful people.

And they act, excuse me, they act out terribly and then people put them into, a lot of people put the hole into the category. And that's, and people, you know, you can't do that. You really, you can't, it's ignorant to go. Look what that fucking person did. Everybody does that. On any side, on any side. That's why I'm a registered independent, I used side. That's why I'm a registered independent.

I used to not be. And I'm a registered independent, because I was like, I got too crazy at being at a party or a barbecue and having one fucking uncle go. You wanna know what the fuck is the problem in this country? I'm gonna tell you what. And then another fucking uncle go, no, no, no, no.

And I'm listening to these two. And we're trying to play fucking bean bag toss here. We're trying to drink a fucking Miller light, eat some hot dogs. And these guys are one guy screaming about a bomb, a positively the other guy screaming about a bomb in a negative way. And it's like, first of all, you sell fucking Honda civics. Okay, nobody fucking cares about your opinion.

Let's, and I would just listen to these people and I would go, you know what, I'm a registered independent because I'm just gonna listen to shit and I'm just gonna take my fucking opinion and make my opinion up And that's it. I can listen to you even if I disagree with you Bobby. Yeah, I can listen to what you say and go You know what you got you got some really good points here's where I'm at and and then I'll make my decision on what the Final thing is at the end. I don't think a lot of people have the capability of doing it. I really don't I really don't

I think people grow up with a mother and a father You know, I grew up with a very up with a mother and a father, you know, I grew up with a very, very right wing Republican father who would tell me like this, you got to make your own business and do this and coming up and on all of a sudden I, I got older and I'm like, well wait a minute, I looked at the other side and I'm like, there's some things I like there, but I don't 100% agree and I'm like, listen, I just have to be a fucking independent and do my own thing. It's just shitty people and every, you said it though, everybody has shitty people, you know. I was at the fucking mall yesterday

and of course the food court was packed with people. I got a baby in my arm, I went my wife, there's a table, there's this old, I'm probably about 50 year old black dude on his break or whatever, newspaper, then there's this Asian girl, and then there's this fucking douchey white kid and this fucking dumb chick. And everybody was cool except for that fucking white kid. You know what I mean?

It's like, so it's not a white or black thing. You know, this black dude, he's not black. He's a fucking, he's just a guy in a mall. He's another fucking American in the country that I live in and this is just a do-she-kid. Yeah. I mean, real quick, I wanted to go back to you. You talked about earlier that you grew up in an environment. You went to a school where you-

You jerked off in a sock. Listen, listen, listen, put that in before whatever powerful black statement you're gonna suck. I'm a horrible sweet, what a heart. Come on. Go ahead. Just before you made your powerful black statement. Just no.

Just never- Just no, you do very white guy things. I just know. Just never. Just know. You do very white guy things. You're not going to discredit me. I got it. Because I like to pleasure myself. I got it. You were talking about how you grew up in a diverse area.

Yeah, you were in a diverse school. I did. A lot of people don't have that type of opportunity to be around diverse people. And they don't care about having that type of school. Can I say something? I'm going to say this. I don't mind my kid going to that,

but I'm not letting my kid, and I didn't finish this thought. My kid's not going to that school, okay? Because it's not a good at school. I'm a fucking two blocks away from Arzli, which is whatever I have to do, I told my wife this, whatever the fuck I have to do to give him a better shot, I don't care if it's all white,

I don't give a fuck what the statistics are. The school is better, okay? So Mike, I'm gonna do what I have to do to get my kids to that school. That's it. But because you're a background, you're a career that you have, you're not gonna hinder your kid

from going to different environments and being different people. No, no, no, that's not gonna happen. No, not at all. Some people, they don't give a fuck and they just run their kids in the same bubble. I think, I think, I understand that, but when I grew up, I think that school, it was multicultural, but it also was a good school

and it was a good neighborhood. Even though it was multicultural, it was a really good school, and the neighborhood was good. But look, a Boston segregated man, when I went to that school, was good, but look at Boston segregated, man. When I went to that school, Medford, one fucking town in Boston, one little, the Tines lived in South Medford, the Irish lived in North Medford, the blacks and the Catholics lived in West Medford.

The blacks lived in a certain area of West Medford. They had their own park called Dugor Park. We had Play Stead Park. The Italians had Tufts Park and the Irish people had Car Park. And it was segregated. And we went to school together and we hung out together in first the sixth grade and seventh to eighth grade.

And then I don't know what the fuck happened at high school, but it seemed we separated. You know what I mean? And then it became Jock's nerds. It wasn't really black white. You have to notice that, it's in high school. It's not really weed heads. It's weed heads, rock and roll, you know,

fucking Goths, you know, whatever the fuck that is. But and then it seems like after high school is when people fucking start to become fucked up. I don't know. I'm just saying that, but listen, my kid, I'm not sending my kid to the best school. And if it's a white school, so fucking be it. Oh, you know, I want my kid, when I teach my kid shit,

I just want to go, I want to say to my son, I want to go, look, you've got to take everything as individual and the ignorant people are. The bottom line is this, are there white cops that pick out black people and want to fuck with them and don't care if they kill them? Yes, there are they're absolutely all 100% they get harassed more But then are there white cops that will save a black dudes life if he get absolutely and I could talk like that

Some people can't some people just categorize it like no, no, you don't know and it's like that's that's when it's that's when it's really Dangerous. I'm gonna tell my son look you meet somebody you treat that person the way they treat you when you meet them How they go about it and everybody you have to do that with don't put people into this big fucking Bubble or box and say that's how they all are and that's the ignorance shit And I've seen too many people that I grew up with act like that. I'm glad comedy actually helps You know that being a comedian helps because what we're able to do as comedians is we're able to fly all over not just Because what we're able to do as comedians is we're able to fly all over not just America everywhere and you see people and you fucking learn and you open your eyes and you're like fuck man These are I would never even gone to this area in the country ever if it wasn't for my job So it helped me just you know the experiences. Yeah, I mean look man. I have black friends

I you know We debate all that shit, but it's still it's like, you know, I'll watch I'll watch this and then I'll watch that and it's like fuck You know what the fuck we both have a point But there's this I think it's people it comes out of people this some of these protests is like fuck you I this is what I do I disrupt I fucking make things difficult for change I guess I fucking make things difficult for change, I guess. Seriously, I don't fucking, okay, you're gonna stop a highway, stop people from going to work, be a fucking nuisance, because you want to be heard, you want your thing to be heard.

All right, I guess, I don't fucking know, is that the way you do it? I guess, because I, and I don't know, look man, I'm too lazy to be a protester. I'm too, I can't, I don't like to be cold. I don't like to be in the wet. I'm already leaving We're already leaving for our job. I can't fucking tell my wife that I don't you got a spot No, I'm gonna go fucking march. Yeah, well the doors are changing because you know, what are you fucking nuts? Yeah It's you gotta be very like you got you got to be not married and fucking not be serious about your job to be able to go down and fucking

I was thinking of a single man's game Yeah It's gonna go ahead and swallow while I'm out here That's hilarious You're gonna be able to see what's up It is a single man's game Everybody that I know is The harder the chicken the more you fucking go hard

Yeah, man, you can't be, you can't have your shit together, or have a great job, and your life can't be that good if you're protesting. Sometimes I feel bad because I'll see people that are really seriously dedicated. And I don't know if that makes me a bad person, but I don't give a fuck as nothing. I see it.

No, I don't give a fuck enough. I really don't. I see a lot of comments that are protesting. And I'm like, I don't know. I want to know really don't know how to do it. I see a lot of comments that protest thing. I'm like, I don't know. I want to these people to see it. I want to these people to see it. I want to these people to see it on the news. I'm like, fuck man.

That's for going to catch that movie. Like that's, and I know that that's fucked up. What about you? I mean, I care. I was online shopping. I was drinking off in a soccer and a protest from CNN. Right.

It affects me, but at the same time, that's not a priority in my life to go on the field in the protests. You worry about your world, not the world. Yeah, right? What about you, Damien? I felt like I should have been out there. You know what I'm saying? I'm friends with kids, today was the day kid.

I got a kid, I can't and I was like I had no real excuse. You know what's going on? Friends with kids. Today was usually their kid. I got a kid. I can't go on broke test. I was going to watch the kid. I ain't got no kids. I was in the crib. You know, the game was on.

I hope that, no, I'm rooting. You know what I'm saying? I got broke test, but it's very, I don't want to hold your hands up. That hurts after like five minutes. You know what it is too. It's like when you were like, no, I couldn't it is too. It's like when you black, but when you see shit,

sometimes you can get so fucking, you feel hopeless about it. So for, I'm surprised by this last wave, or procos, typically this been a lot of shit that's happened and nothing happens. You know what I'm saying? Travelling get killed. Nobody really went and probed it.

But this time, motherfuckers started protesting. I think the back the back though. Yeah, it was like that. It started with Mike Brown Yeah, I'm a gardener like a week later. Oh, that was bad. That's what that should start you so that was right I also think that I also think that you know that Eric Garner thing was so fucked up that like yeah Like that was though that was so fucked up no matter how you slice it like that was so fucked up. That was so fucked up no matter how you slice it. Like that was so fucked up. You know, there's not even an argument the other way. You know, I watched that and I was like,

dude, I mean, come on man. You know, and I saw that and I think. I accept, but there's an argument. Because when you say fuck you, I don't know, dude. It's a weird thing when you say fuck you, but you're doing something legal. I don't give a shit, fuck you, I'm sick of you. But you're doing something illegal and you can't do it.

Fuck you. No, fine, I give you. You gotta stand, you're building up, you're building up, I mean, okay, I don't know what you say. All right, well listen, we're not, okay, you call that bluff, so we're gonna bail, so you can keep selling, you can keep doing what you're doing, but don't tell anybody we let you go. What the fuck do you do? He shouldn't have did what he did

Okay, but there should have been there should be another way to Arrest him or find him or do something to him Do you know what I mean? I'm just looking at it like when a dude is backing up with his hands like this Even if he is insulting yeah to have the guy come behind him and then to have six fucking dudes when a dude's ever around a slide. Yeah, I did. It's like, you know, and why the fuck are cops?

Why are cops, I'm sorry, Damien, we're quick. I'm so, why are cops tasing people? That's what I was gonna say. Like that, there was a woman on the other side. They just, they fucking shake, they're on the ground, they're incapacitated, it's fucking hilarious, it makes you, and everybody, and everybody, and everybody goes home. They did that, they're on the ground, they're incapacitated, it's fucking hilarious, it makes you laugh. And everybody, and everybody goes home. They did that, they did that.

But boy, my boy has a bit about whatever having to freeze, like whatever happened to like just stop what you're doing. Yeah. Or I'm gonna fuck you up. Well, these dudes just start, as they're six of them, like you said, they're six. Yeah, but they learn that, you know, not they, I mean, black people, I mean, the criminals

as white or anybody. I said, day and you guys both fucking turn your head, I want it in a good way. I mean, it's better touchable. I think criminals learn that, you know, freeze, I don't have to. You understand? Once you freeze, no. Fuck. Freeze again. I mean, what do you do?

What the, you gotta, you gotta, listen, freeze are all shoot. You better shoot the next time, because that's it. I'm running out of breath. I just, I'm just do? I think you gotta, you gotta, listen, freeze or I'll shoot, you better shoot the next time, because that's it. I'm running out of breath. I was just shooting a motherfucking leg. First shot. I'm like, first of all, you can't, and you have a shot of gun.

Yeah. You shoot a lot. I don't shoot a lot, but I'm shot for, it's infectious though. I will say that, you put that first shot. Oh yeah. You wanna let it go. I'm gonna release it.

I will say that. Okay, it's fucking exactly, and it's hard to hit shit. Yeah, now you put in now You're sitting there in a fucking quiet with headphones and you get to take as much time and you still are not hitting with the fuck You're the best bit about that Of course he does he's the funniest guy on the fucking plan. I was killed. I agree Bit isn't he fucking I was killed I was killed I agree bitch. Is it he really I was killed I thought that no that choke is great. No, but I when I was it I was in Jackson You know you talked about how like um right like you yes, honest. I want to have a gun And then like the other like oh you got this little

Little bitch pistol is like why the fuck would I have a shotgun like you have to have that funny bit You can kind of hit someone you take all that away Yeah He goes you can't see The whole time because now you can't see and hear anything so the guy would have now coming around your bed I think every police department I think every I think every police department should say if somebody's unarmed, if somebody's unarmed, the first thing you need to do, if they're not complying, just fucking tasem. But here's the thing, we have the technology now, we don't need to use guns, you can have something else to fucking detain somebody.

And hurt, I mean, seriously, you can have, there's other ways to, that cop, you don't look it. It's not the fucking 1800. You don't need to choke a guy out. Yeah, but what's gonna happen if you change of somebody and they fold the wrong way and they hit their head and they're dead. I mean, this is what happens if you have a guy

or something like that. But that's what happens. They're not gonna protest with that because they're gonna go look, they didn't shoot them. They didn't try to kill him and see his fucking body Journal, you know, there's a procedure you have to do we no you sure so I think all cops should have video Cameras. Yeah, I don't give a fuck if you're a detective what there should be somebody when they're about to rest somebody Should be rolling from the cops point of view and they should be like we're going to do this You ever see a guy I'm going to tease you. You ever see a guy, I'm going to tease you.

I'm like a robot. I saw a king of chasing person. I'm going to, if you do not do this, you're going to get taste. You should give that person every shot to fucking abide, whether they're right or wrong, whether you think you're right or wrong. Because, you know, man, a lot of criminals

get passive-aggressive and push cops, especially now. Stop pushing cops to get them to react. Don't forget, these are Robocops. These are human beings with fucking feelings, doubts, insecurities, all the same shit we have. So when somebody fucks with yourself a steam and pushes you, you're going to react as a human re-react, which is it always the right way to react. So when you have to make them as mechanical as possible, we are going to do this.

We are going to shoot you with not with a gun, but with a taser. And then if you saw that video, you would be like, oh shit, they warned them. If they said that to Eric Gardner, listen, stop backing up, stop right there, you're going to be tased. And then they tased them, he'd be alive today. Well, I think it's this even after that all that shit At least have him go to court for the shit You like we see it on camera. Yeah, he choked and he choked it

Yeah, you know, you shoot a guy six times on all and you don't even go to court You just go home you don't even get points in your license if you kill a black We got Black man. That's fucked up, man. That's what I'm saying. So we got a card membership and everything. Oh, no, I'm sure. He did get a ticket. Did he get a ticket? Oh, okay. There's a $50 ticket.

Oh, okay. Oh, shit. How do we get from, what the fuck, how do we get from you jerking off in a saw? I know how to flip, bro. To anime for it. Oh, shit. That doesn't hold a different direction. It is fucked up, man. I's a whole different direction.

It is fucked up, man. I'm not gonna let you, I'm never gonna, listen man, you don't need to jerk off in socks. And the fact that you keep them and wear them again, I don't wear them, guys. What the fuck you do is circle off with it, but you're... You have a jerk off sock. Yeah, you should just use it to like a stiff like a board

and throw it out. Wait a minute, you have two jerk off socks But they different what have the same song are they different socks? I'm looking you know Judging you know you know You know sometimes when you do laundry and you lose a sock like just in a cycle like I don't But laundry machine. I don't fucking I don't I don't persecute that sock I'm just saying you're gonna get started and all started You're gonna get started and all started

You shouldn't have lost that other song Now you're in trouble. I'm a giz right in your fucking ass But then you never leave your way man you jerk off for the site put the sock into laundry wash the side To jerk off again in the side You'll just get another side very economical You're talking by itself. Huh? You put the sock in a way itself. No, you don't know you don't All of socks me lying dude It's a lion you put the socks in with you under under underwear and socks

You know you do don't lie. You don't fucking Look at me look at me look at me look at me look You don't fucking lie. You're one machine for that job. Look at me, look at me, look at me. He pawns. Look at me, you fucking lie in cock-sucker. You do not do solo sock. Because you can't, first of all, you can't do it. You can't do the nightly-dye. You can't do both socks at the same time, because you need one sock to jerk off in.

You need, so one, you have to rotate that shit. So you definitely put that shit in with the other stuff. You underwear in other socks, right? Yeah, you do. So the old jerk though, for what? So you fucking put that shit in with the other stuff. You onto wearing other socks, right? Yeah, you do. So the old jerked off old. So you fucking just rock him. You stand. Come on, I'll ask you a question.

You wash your clothes and gizz. No one's. You gizz. I used to hide, man. You used gizz and tide. Dude, listen, you gotta stop. So we got really quiet, I don't like this. You need to stop jerking off.

You need to get tissues. All right, I'll tell you why. Sorry, he's a tissue, a nice box of tissues. Get yourself a nice box of tissues. The long box. Don't get the fucking little, get the big long box. Because when you pull them out, it's the long way. You understand? Pull it out, fucking put one right over your stump tum, right? Right on your stomach, and then you have one in your hand, so your jerking off, Right, right on your stomach and then you have one in your hand so you jerking off You on your stomach and then grab the rest and you're done take three tissues and you're done Throwing it right in the barrel. You're doing the cover but you can flush those two like unlike paper towels Then you can flush the tissues and you done with it. No one has to smell a come bucket

Yeah, I remember my fucking I used to use the paper towels and my wife went to throw the trash I one day she went did you fucking jerk off? I went, why? I could smell your gizz in the trash. Jesus. Yeah, women do. We were just talking about deep fucking, what the police department should be doing

to solve this problem. And then you just went to fucking. And that's what that jacket off on your stomach would attish you. And that's why we're the YKW fucking D-Pot. Yes. We go ins and out, motherfuckers. All right, you guys, this has been a great show. We're gonna wrap this up.

We're gonna spin around the room and we'll do everybody's plugs or anything, get anything to plug, man? Toscopo? No, no, no. Yeah, I got a YKAS myself called in the conversation. So check that out. I need some numbers, machine to struggle in there.

Is it real? Where is it it all you on the network yeah so stand-up labs right now stand on New York labs right we've been doing it for about a few months yeah in the conversation the source sound cloud who you wish it just you it's me Vladimir Kamal your my man Ali Muhammad and he's just Christ yeah yeah Taliban yeah fuckers on my show dude I don't know the part of it. I'm a fucking lazy terrorist and follow me on Twitter. Delemic comedy, man That's good. There is. Thanks for coming on Thanks very funny. Yeah, I have fun. Awesome. Come back on soon, all right? All right, but

You could check out the Versa Effect podcast, which actually did get in the top ten of comedy on pod bean And it's also available on all things comedy And obviously on iTunes, so that's the Vers on all things comedy and obviously on iTunes. So that's the Versi effect. I have a new website with all my upcoming dates. I'm also going to be funny bone and hard for the second week of January, funny bone and Syracuse, the last week in a third week in January. And all the other dates Paulversi.com and the Twitter is at Paul Verzi that's VIR.

So yeah, thanks for having me, buddy. Always do. You're a fucking pleasure. I love it. We're going to smoke some bats after the show. Oh, I love it. All right. What do you got there?

Nice. You guys can check out my podcast, Comey Outliers on iTunes and Stitchery. You can also check out our monthly stand-up showcase. Next one is Saturday, January 17th. Go to ComeyOutliers.com, entered New Year for $5 tickets. And you can follow me on Twitter, at Mr. underscore B. Collins. Love what you do, bud.

You and your Mike Brown, a fucking kickin' ass. Thanks, bud. Oh, thanks for introducing us to Anthony, man. That's been like crazy for us. Yeah, dude. Absolutely, you should go on. I told him about you. You should go on Anthony's show too.

Love to. That's what you should go on too, dude. Yeah, we should fucking tell them. I'll tell them and you tell them. Yeah. Keep the cop and and fucking Scopo came on last week and just killed it. He was better on Anthony's show with me than this show with me. This is his show. He was way more comfortable on Anthony's show. What the fuck is that? I mean, you know, he was like a racist old guy. I felt like my uncle was there. Hey, Dream, what do you got? I actually just got a new Twitter,

I'm rolling Sam for some of my make-up and it's at A-Fern 212 AFERN. So if you wanna follow that. I know, I won't. Yeah. A-FERN 212. Everything else I tried to do was taken. What about you?

His last name is Fernandez, so it's not a popular name. So why don't you just go, why don't you just make up a name like Puppy Pumpa Nickel? I'll change that right now. That's Puppy Pumpa Nickel. Follow me at Puppy Pumpa Nickel. How great is that? That's easy, right?

It's probably taken. Yeah. I think go to Puppy Pumpkin. Puppy Pumpkin. I don't like pumpkin. You like Pumpa Nickel? You like the bread? You like Pumpa Nickel Bagel.

All right, what bagel? I'm a oh, what do you got deep who besides the hairiest arms I've ever seen on a fucking human being? They're not that bad. Are you, I could comb them. And I was, I was expecting to judge my pubes also, but I never got, oh my god. I would love to judge your pubes. You're real quick, what do you got?

Let me just tell you what you have to guess, right? All right, here's what I think you have. I bet you have first of all I love the curry your dick is uncircumcised which just makes it That's true weird from a distance. Oh my god. You have such a little tolerance for anything different gotta be bushy It's not different. I know there's two there's two dicks this circumcised and uncircumcised There's not different. There's not like a plethora of cocks you can go through and I like one There's your there's boss circumcisions. There's boss, there's boss circumstances.

There's fucking, there's circumcised and then you're ugly dick. And I don't like, well he doesn't have circumcised either. He's circumcised, how about you, Damien? Circus, sir. All right, good, yeah, you dick, ugly. I don't like uncircumcised. Beautiful.

Sorry, whatever. You're a fucking girlfriend, it's beautiful. Do you have a girlfriend? Yes, I do. Yeah, she loves your dick, right? She's nice to it. Okay, nice to it. What the fuck is that do. Yeah, she loves your dick, right? She's nice to it. Okay, nice to it. What the fuck is that?

I picture your dick looking very similar to your cheek. Like, so like a five o'clock shadow. I think it's a five o'clock shadow that fucking fades into some darkness. I mean, just fucking dark. Yeah, it's just dark and I'm not wrong. And I know that your dick is at least three colors. It's not like fucking a two color.

That's true. There's like an ashy center. There's an ashy center and then the helmet is a different, like a pink and then the shes is like a brown. Jesus, you know a lot about it. I fucking, I watch it a lot of this. I fucking watch it in the important. I just know what the fucking dick is.

So hard to find, isn't it? Yeah. Well, not really, not on clit dot com i don't want to get a real haha i always my phone can i have my phone real quicks i want to do a uh... let me uh... i don't uh... i'm sure you're gonna get my right uh... i don't have a picture of my good what do you got i'm not pretty my right of what you dick by the way yeah yeah pretty much okay good i'm not uh... do anything too crazy uh... i don't have any plugs for myself the youtube channel is a blow

and up we just hit fifteen,000 subscribers. I'm not 1500, sorry, 1500 subscribers and growing. Wow. So great, dude. I'm really proud of that and that's it for me. I'm very proud of it, too, dude. You're doing a great job. Thank you. We're gonna, we're trying to blow this thing up for you guys. We, you know, I pretty much take all the money and invest it back in and hopefully we can start getting a little monetary gain out of this in the future just so we can get these assholes some money because they're doing such a great job. Chris Scopo and Deepo just made a solid fucking team.

They're doing a great job. We had over 8 million downloads, I believe, through the Ryakass network last year, which is up, I think we were a million in something the year before. So the Riotcast Network itself is blowing the fuck up. We have the best shows I believe on the fucking planet. We handpicked the shows. It takes a lot of effort to go into it. We're adding a new show in this month,

the last one for a while. It's been in the works, which I'm very excited about. I'll make that announcement next week, but make sure you support all these other shows on the network. And here's a cigar. If you guys are into cigars, which I kind of basically go into right now,

the cigar, what's up? You got a plug-up in house, too. Okay. The cigar Republic, there's one in Connecticut and one up where I live, Westchester. Fucking great cigar bar, cigar place and bar. And members you can join. I kind of saw that fucking, I parked in the back and it was the don't tread on me flag. I kind of a little nervous. I got the fuck that I joined. I mean,? I was gonna go in and be fucking some meeting, you know, it's fucking some old white guys.

But no, that's a great place, it's fucking awesome. And there's another one too. It's an online cigar place, a fan of the show, cigarfly.com, where they pick, they try to get your flavor, what you like you like you have to go through kind of a uh... you have to answer questions and then at the end of it they tell you what you kind of would like and then they'll ship it to you

so check that out if you like so far so what a little plug all you've been put the rich appear all you got uh... what is that that's the January thirteen jenuary thirteen rich appearo is doing is doing a big benefit for Parkinson's I don't know if you guys know that but he has it Man Scopo's dad has it too. Yeah, my dad has barcus. Yeah, it's a fucking shit disease man And you know, I just wish that we could open up as a country and stop being such fucking you know Let girls take their titties out of the beach and let's do some stem cell research

Stop being such fucking assholes know, let girls take their titties out of the beach and let's do some stem cell research, stop being such fucking assholes and quivering fucking douchebags. But thank you, Depot. You know what, I don't know if we're, when no one else laughs and just Depot, I don't know what the fuck you just said. I was laughing at Brandon's reaction. I was like, what the fuck?

I said, because other countries, you can take your titties out on the beach, we can't do that. Because we're uptight. Because we're uptight, it's a religious thing. It's about religion. They're killing things. Yeah, we're really fucking, yeah.

It's a, it's a, I was like you, I thought like, somehow the tittie thing would help to put the, yeah. I was saying, I wish we'd stop. I brought up two examples, One was supposed to be funny. The other one was actual, you know, stem cell research could help Parkinson's. Good up, okay.

Yeah, I could have a lot of things and we don't do it because of fucking government and religion and all this other bullshit that we don't fucking, you know, we should, so that was my point, but now it sucks. And I'm ending my podcast on me being not funny and shitty because you fucking

constant get it. And you know what Damien? You could have fucking backed me. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'll win you. I'd so anyways Yeah, so we're doing big shows that night all over the city as a three shows three shows going on just in that night I'm doing the one of the village on the ground at 11. Yeah, I'll plug the there's the first one the stand-up New York at 630 Second one is that non-clockwise at New York comedy club and the third one is at the village underground Let me tell you something rickshire pure is a pure artist Okay, I'm gonna fuck. If you see him, what your opinion is of him is comedy. Rick Shapiro, since I moved in the city, has always trying to find funny

where funny doesn't exist, where funny hasn't been. He just tries to create it. He's a standup comedian, but he's really tries to just fucking, you know, really just push the limits and, you know, and those consequences to that too, man. And he's paid them and he's fucking great and he's a good guy and we're trying to raise money for that great cause.

So make sure you get your tickets for that and let's support that, okay, at all three of those clubs. What else? Oh, you got your dates. Yeah, let's hit that. You know, this, I'm new here, it's this, tomorrow night, tomorrow night, New Year's Eve.

So if you guys are outspread, the fuck the word, would you? Then, uh, There's some leg work. You're at bananas, January 23rd and 24th. Bull Nass, who's with me? Hasburg, has. Love that fucking club. I love Jersey.

I love Jersey's like my second home. I love doing shows and fucking Jersey, man. They, they're so, they come out, they show up, they buy tickets, and they fucking laugh the fucking their asses off. They get the jokes, I just fucking love doing shows in Georgia. And that club's one of my favorites. January 31st, Cabaret Theater and Mohican Sun. Boom, boom.

I think Lewis is on the show. Lewis Gomez is on that. February 21st, Uncle Vinnie's in Fairbridge, New Jersey. Yep. March 6th and 7th, Arlington Drafthouse. Arlington Drafthouse, fucking great gig. And there's another gig coming up too. I got a bunch of other gigs that we're updating. I'm getting a whole new website coming up next week for my special January 9th Comedy Central. Watch it the word tweet it retweet it tell everybody And then that night you can go pre-order the unedited version with a bunch of extra shit on it for five dollars

On my new website that will be unveiled that day Robert Kelly live comm you on my Twitter all that bullshit you guys. Thank you so much What's up the unmasked it would be uh... live on serious radio live on serious radio on our road dog road dog on raw dog on that day correct on the sixth and then on the ninth i'm taking over the comedy central channel on serious satellite from five to seven with gary gumman it's called behind the jokes with Robert Kelly we're gonna talk about how it how you make an hour special what goes into it uh... go into it. We're gonna rip apart jokes, talk about where they come from.

It's gonna be a kind of cool, I used to do it, Patrice all the time, just philosophize about where shit comes from and talk about stuff. So it's gonna be good. So I want to thank you guys so much for listening to the show. You guys are awesome. Fucking great show. Very funny. I love when it just goes, just goes fucking in and out and weaves out of fucking interesting, funny great show, very funny. I love when it just goes fucking in and out and weaves out of fucking interesting, funny, weird, stupid shit. You guys are awesome. I appreciate you coming on.

And that's it, all right? So thanks for listening. You know what, dude? Hey, what's going on? When you're ready to buy a car, true car is changing car buying forever. Yes, true car helps car buyers get rid of the fear that they might overpeg. Every day Trucar users receive negotiation-free guaranteed savings.

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Some features are not available in all states. With true car, you can save time, save money and never overpay. To see how much you can save on the car you want, simply download the true car mobile app or visit truecar.com today. been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free.ん んんんんんんんんんんんん んん

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